#but SO MANY PEOPLE drive like this is how the world works
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Also, like... I get that there is a lot of anxiety about being seen as morally good & fighting for everyone at every turn, but! Crucially, the people who try to guilt trip you or judge you off your Tumblr presence don't fucking know you. They don't know what you do off Tumblr. They may not know any other social media that you DO use for your politics and heavy posting. And, tbh, at a certain level of offline activism & direct action, it is actively dangerous for you to be posting about what you do online, so a perceived lack of interest or dedication online does not necessarily translate to the efforts you put in to causes you care about.
Fact of the matter is, YOU are the only one who knows what you get up to. If it's not as much as you think you should be doing, that's for you to assess and change. If you feel like you're doing enough, or if you feel like taking on more responsibility in activism would overwhelm you or burn you out, that's okay! You know your limits better than anyone else. You get to set your priorities. And if you really want to help with social justice causes, you HAVE to take care of yourself. Anger, fear, and guilt are not sustainable motivations to drive a movement. You NEED places to relax and have fun and not think about how bleak things can get. You NEED to have places to retreat, enjoy yourself, and remind yourself that it's all worth fighting for.
I know this, because I'm in my 30s now. When I was in my early 20s, I was friends with a lot of folks who went hard during the Ferguson protests, and while many of them are still active in their activism, almost none of them are operating on the same level as they used to. All of them are burnt out & depressed. I spend a lot of my energy urging them to take care of their most basic needs. We also have a problem with a lot of older activists being too broken & traumatized to continue organizing. And part of the problem is people within the movement encouraging people to push past their limits until they have nothing left to give. Or just having no support systems in place to help people recover while actively judging people who need them & can't continue without them.
And, like, it's hard, because it's easy to start feeling like no one cares about the stuff you care about when you're out there trying to make change -- especially true if all your activism is online posting & raising awareness. It can feel like you're talking to a void or a brick wall. The idea that you are so stressed & strung out & never let yourself take a break from the harsh reality of the world while there are people who have the audacity to make time to enjoy their lives and put their efforts into other activities that aren't directly related to The Cause -- well, that's why a lot of people resort to guilt trips. I know I did, too, when I was younger and freshly angry. And I know that those guilt trips did nothing to convince anyone of anything. In fact, it was the constant guilt trips that made me retreat from those online groups. Where they might have had any and all skills I could offer, they instead made me feel like shit for doing what I could handle at the time. And even though I knew guilt tripping was a major manipulation & abuse tactic, I still resorted to it and, in doing so, I felt wrong. Like I betrayed some of my core values by trying to make people feel so bad that they would suddenly realize that they should be ashamed & join the movement headfirst. It just... doesn't work that way. A guilt trip will turn people off. If you want people to join a movement or be more active in a movement they are already part of, it is so much better to encourage them to come with you to organized events or give them something tangible to do that they can actually accomplish. And if you're just talking about posting online, well... that is not the most important thing to focus on, and is a really bad measure to judge someone's morality.
All that to say, a guilt trip is usually a manifestation of the desperation folks are feeling. It's not right to guilt trip folks, and if you're at that point that you feel like that's the only thing that will get people to change and care, then I'm sorry to say you are probably on the verge of your own burnout and you need to take a break. Please don't let people make you feel bad for not being angry or on your activism shit 24/7. And don't judge yourself harshly when you need to have boundaries online. The best tactic will always be community building and working with people & their various skills on their level. Compassion and encouragement go so much farther than guilt.
No matter what a post on tumblr tries to tell you, your moral and ethical stances will never be determined by what you reblog and what you scroll past. Don’t let manipulation tactics force you into doing anything you don’t want to do.
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Seeing Ian Leslie's new book, I've been reflecting on the recent shifts in the Beatles' narrative. I believe that Paul is intentionally driving these changes, whether it's regarding the reasons behind the band's breakup or the heightened focus and discussion on the Lennon-McCartney relationship. However, I don't think Paul is deliberately trying to alter anything; I sense that he simply wants to leave behind his version of the story before he passes, and dictate how he wishes to be remembered. This also explains why he continues to mention John in various ways—he wants to be remembered alongside John. Paul's actions seem to be perpetually questioned and misunderstood. Perhaps many people still believe that when he highlights his contributions to John's achievements, it's because he wants to prove he's better than John. But I think it's more about him wanting to demonstrate his influence on John, to share with everyone the memories he and John shared. Before John became Yoko's John, he was first and foremost Paul's John.
Hi anon
I'm not sure what kind of response you're hoping for, but I'm in the mood for Thinking About Other Things, so here's everything your post made me think of.
"Paul is intentionally driving changes to the narrative" is such a funny concept to me. He's not Kingpin, sitting at the head of a conference table, surrounded by his daughters and all the reporters he has in his pocket, cooking up book deals and magazine articles.
Paul has always been a relentlessly optimistic person. (Optimistic, not just in the sense of hoping for the best in the future, but interpreting the best from the present). He ignores and avoids negativity (sometimes to his very serious detriment) and focuses on the positive. As he gets older, and further away from the terribly painful aspects and phases of his relationship with John, he thinks more and more about the beautiful broth of a boy, who loved him and worked so well with him.
The idea that Paul would ever try to show that he's better than John is hilarious. John is the one person in the whole world the Paul doesn't think he's better than. He's always seemed to me to be desperate to prove that he was *good enough* for John.
I'm sure he wants to see the narrative change, because it has got him so wrong for so long. But (except for a brief period in the early 70s) his strategy has always been keep your council and the truth will out. He's spent his life doing what he wants to do, saying what he feels like saying, and patiently waiting for his reappraisal. I for one am glad he's still around to see it.
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Important info for new drivers!!!
Your turn signal works as a subscription based service, the first 30 signals are free but after that you have to pay $50 per signal, so avoid using your turn signal if possible!
But!!! You can also get free money from your car by honking your horn, which can balance out turn signal debt.
Happy driving! :3
#not really obviously#but SO MANY PEOPLE drive like this is how the world works#when it in fact does not work like that#chatterboxhead
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sometimes looking at like Self Help Strategies lists for the symptoms I'm having is always just like:
thing that I already do
thing I have tried 10 times
thing I already do
thing that I don't have the money to do
thing I already do
thing I've been doing since I was 10yrs old to no avail
thing that is impossible given my situation
thing that doesn't apply to me
thing that I already do
thing I have already tried
hrmm, oh wait, maybe finally- OH, yeah.. okay. thing that I already do but it was just phrased slightly differently
thing I have already done
#I think maybe productivity tips help less if the reason you're unproductive is partially like.. physcial health and other extenral things#out of your control. rather than just like having trouble paying attention or spending too much time on tiktok or whatever#all the strategic to do lists in the world are not going to somehow prevent me from waking up with a debilitating migraine or whatever#or having external stressors or lacking resources and connections or other Productivity Essentials etc.#especially many tips involve stuff like 'cut off from social media' since thats the modern day time waster for so many poeple#and it's like.. lol.. i can hardly even maintain a blog even thuogh i actively WANT TO DO SO. 'shut off your smart phone!' already#done babey i fucking hate smart phones i shall never use an app unless i am forced to. 'delete tiktok' yep. already covered. tiktok and#all of those thinsg are my enemies. 'save money by cancelling some of your services' cool. already ahead of you.#who the fuck is out here paying for like 10 different subscription services. pirated videos uploaded to google drive and youtube to mp3#my beloved. etc. etc. and so on. 'socialize less' .........LOL.. if only you knew.. mr.writer of the article. i can barely muster#talking to friends more than once a month and even less if I'm actively sick (often occurence) etc. etc. ... hewoo#I think maybe instead of generic productivity tips I need more like.. how to refocus and be productive anyway even if you have a headache#or are nauseous or etc. Not that those are always things to ignore. and of course you should let your body rest and etc. But plenty of peop#e have mild physical symptoms and just work through them. Ithink something about the way my body/mind is SOO hyper attuned to all#sensory information just makes it like... constantly 'GRR well I cant focus on WRITING right now because my lef#t ear feels weird and my socks are too itchy and my back has a strange pressure and I'm vaguely warm and my eye feels some ssort of#way it doesnt normally feel and I'm hyperaware of my breathing and also nauseous for no reason' and like half of those things I#think '''normal''' people wouldnt even notice or at least would be able to just live through. but for me it's like.. nealry impossible to i#gnore and soooo distracting always. like 'wahh.. nooo we can't draw or get anything done.. my legs feel slightly heavy or something!!'#like............. ok......... who cares. thats not even a PAIN sensation it's just something weird. but it's just like.. NO. constant#mental alerts about the 'heaviness' of your legs be upon ye. Though Imean like.. yes.. 70% of the time I am in genuine pain#or having some sort of actual ailment with trackable physical symptoms. but sometimes it's just like... we could totally be working right#now and ignoring this silly thing but my brain is fixated on it for no reason uncontrollably. etc. etc. I guess it's the same way that like#most people can go to a grocery store without the whole experience being so overwhelming and so much stuff going on at once#that they have to rest afterwards but like.. in my own HOME doing NOTHING i feel like I should be able to not get overwhelmed lol. ANYWAY#Rolling my bastard little rock up a dumbass hill and so on and so forth
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I really don't know how to approach my response, so I apologize for the chaotic mess that you're about to read.
I recall a post that talked about the discovery of a mended bone. One of the first indicators of people working together wasn't pottery, or tools, or cloth. It was a bone that had clearly been broken and reset. A bone that had healed. This means that someone had to not only set the bone, but take care of the injured individual until it was healed.
We are a species who has evolved to work together.
My default state of mind is: Everyone deserves basic human rights. Everyone deserves access to food, shelter, healthcare, and so on. I don't care what color your skin is, what country you hail from, whether you are disabled. You deserve to be cared for.
I engage with everyone from this mindset. I assume everyone who speaks to me also does so from this mindset until/unless they prove me wrong.
Whenever I get into my car, I drive out of consideration for everyone else on the street. When I do my job, I work to ensure that in all the places my job touches someone else's, I've made their job a little easier. I return my shopping carts not for the social karma, but because the employees at the grocery store deserve not to have their jobs made more difficult by laziness. When I vote, I vote for candidates/policies that I know will take care of as many people as possible.
Because the world isn't about me.
"It is well to remember that the entire universe, with one trifling exception, is composed of others." - John Holmes
For most of my life, I've struggled to grasp the idea that other people do not (or sometimes cannot) operate from this perspective.
Of course, that was before 2016. I was raised in a heavily-religious Christian home. My older sister was made to throw away a Pokemon toy from her Happy Meal because "Pokemon are not real animals created by God. They are evil." We were not allowed to read the Harry Potter books. (Not a big deal to me; I've never been interested in them. But my sister was.) The one time my introverted self wanted to do something social in high school, it was a D&D game with classmates. "Are you sure you want to engage with witchcraft," my mom asked me. I dropped it and didn't ask again.
It wasn't all bad, though. My parents showed me how to be kind and compassionate, and how to help others.
They voted for trump. And I watched as my parents turned into people I do not recognize.
I'm not sure how to tie all this up into a neat bow. The point is, if we as people (Left or Right) aren't working to improve as many lives as possible, then what's the point?
Do I expect Pacifism from people? No, of course not. I would never expect a person to forgive their rapist, the person who murdered their friend/family, the guy who flipped them off for taking too long to cross the street.
But I would like for people to have some fucking compassion. Give people the benefit of the doubt (where appropriate).
Look, I understand. I've just about had it with people voting to strip me of my bodily autonomy. To kill my non-binary sibling or throw them into conversion therapy. (To be quite honest, I've fucking had it with my parents' transphobic bullshit. "God made you a man and God doesn't make mistakes.") I'm at a point where I'm sick and fucking tired of trying to drag the rest of my nation with me down a path where they are cared for, fed, clothed, sheltered, and accepted for who they are.
And I also get the fact that there are some who cannot be convinced. I'm certain my parents are among them. After all, they have their bible. They don't have to think critically. Their holy book tells them what to think. It's part of why conversations with them are so unproductive. Because they don't introspect or regulate emotions when they have scripture to tell them how to respond to a thing.
But I've still also not called my parents to chew them out, because I know that won't help anything. It'll only further the divide that they don't even realize is between us. How will I convince them to stand with me if all they get from me is aggression.
Whether you're Left or Right, if your first instinct about someone is to treat them as an enemy, you are part of the problem. We move forward by being accepting and open-minded. For those of us who lean Left, that goes fucking double.
Don't be a pushover, but don't be a bully.
We can only move forward together.
There are obviously caveats to what I've said, as well as plenty I've left unsaid. I hope those who read this will take it in good faith and understand that I'm not asking for everyone to just drop their grievances or pretend that shit isn't bad. I just wanted to share a little of my perspective. We're all human beings and I think common ground can start there, if we let it.
I hope we can overcome ourselves and be better.
I couldn't have said it better myself.
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this sucks lol
#this reminds me of how at work#literally everything we do has to be expressed and justified in the language of career readiness#it's like we've all agreed there is nothing more important to a person's life and no purpose for education beyond career readiness#it drives me insane#because it's clearly so reactive and driven by anxiety rather than conviction#but to see it starting literally in infant care just makes me feel sick!!! i hate it!!!!#i am never going to talk to my child about career readiness lol. never ever ever. this i resolve#my whole MO as a parent will be to encourage his curiosity and interest in the world around him#and encourage him to follow his interests - whatever they are - wherever they lead him#i hope he enjoys learning and loves things and has real interests that are just his own#also i think what's even more nuts to me is like#we work with a large first gen student population and for many of them financial security and upward economic mobility for their families#is really important!#so i can understand some of the career readiness emphasis even if i think we do people a disservice to act like that's the only thing#that motivates them#but kids who can afford goddard school prices...#they are not going to struggle financially#they are going to have a very deep safety net#so the economic anxiety doesn’t even make sense
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if i might bitch about work for a second: yesterday was hellishly bad despite being able to keep up with it and i found out that apparently our department made 4600 dollars yesterday which is making me angry beyond belieffffffff
#this is math i do fairly often bc i enjoy ho-hum math and hate my job and like#even if we took off 2000 bucks for overhead costs which feels excessive but i will concede it#that would be enough to pay everyone working a little over 860 dollars which is 300 more than what i make in a WEEK#literally WHEREEEEE IS IT WHERE IS IT GOING WHERE IS IT#i dont like following this logic through because on days where there are fewer orders we;d do less#and i disagree with gig work's implementation as ive seen it and i think that would stress people out worse than we already are#(which is significantly)#but at the same time. 850 dollars. i cant afford to buy groceries this week. 850 dollars...#can i get a BONUS or SOMETHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#it makes me soooo angry i was talking to one of the deli guys who asked for a raise and got denied mid-question#before our director accidentally showed him that their department is four thousand of gods own dollars under labor#its so revolting to me i talk to so many people in this store who are terrified because of medical bills or rent or car shit#half my department works two jobs just to get by and ALL OF THEM drive junkers#honestly one of the things thats scaring me about if i actually move out is that i do rely on...living with my mom#i pay for most of my own food i pay an absurd amount of rent to share a room with her but she's willing to drive me to work#even though i've offered to walk multiple times and she REALLY should prioritize her own time more#but at the same time...not having to pay for rides has been carrying me hard#if i got a car i'd be fucked because those things bleed money and generally ethically i disagree with cars#but if i dont its like okay pony up the money learn to navigate buses (except for sunday when they dont run) or get ready#to walk to your job where you walk all day and then walk home in the dark#which. i love walking. and listening to music on my own while walking. so bad example. but i also love not having my feet hurt#all the time always no matter what im doing which is something im becoming increasingly unfamiliar with#its like. ultimately. something's gonna get fucked no matter what#and then i hear a figure like 4600 and i remember how avoidable all of this shit is. how avoidable it is for ANY of us#our ceo is gonna walk away from this merger attempt with 5 billion dollars in safety-cushion money#the 10 top execs beneath him with 1 billion#and its just so. what can you even do. 5 billion. can a number like that even mean anything? how could you possibly need that much#850 dollars would be a lifechanging amount of money for me right now and im not even one of the worst off#its just. god. this world could be anything but what it is but its this and for what
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it would feel so nice to work towards a career that has meaningful impact and makes millions of people happy
#i follow this person cleo abrams on youtube and she's always talking so excitedly about scientists#and their amazing discoveries cool facts and she's so excited and starry eyed and hopeful#she genuinely just wants to educate people and has so much hope that we can make the world a better place#also like idk maybe unrelated but i saw the mv of new romantics and just. wow#say what you will about her but there's no doubt she's made an insane number of people happy SO HAPPY that they're crying#so many tours#idk i want#i wish my life was bigger#i feel so isolated and always just focusing on myself my career my health my enjoyment#what about everything everyone else#i keep trying to be completely okay with being alone i keep telling myself to not need anyone and be 100% independent#find happiness within hobbies interests#but it feels like a losing battle#i don't know i just. miss everyone 😭😭😭😭#but it hurts too much tbh always more sad than happy always more crying than laughing#i miss my bestfriend i don't know what i did wrong but she won't pick up my call she keeps saying she's busy#i don't want to be clingy because she hates that shit i don't want to drive her away but she's my only friend#i miss my fucking mom she doesn't care if i live or die obviously but i miss just having her presence in the house#and even tho my sister is here she's never fully present always on her laptop working#i wouldn't really say i miss my dad but wow it's been so long since mom and dad stayed together at home it was almost#always miserable but sometimes at the lunch table it was nice#i don't know everything and everyone is moving and changing so fast and i can't breathe under it and it's already september#but this entire year felt like a blur it's like everyone who left took a chunk of my heart with them#and i should be happy because im so close to the exam which will get me out of this house finally be financially independent#like i wanted since i was 11 i could finally start my life#but it all feels so. i don't know the whole future seems black like i can't imagine life past november 2025#how do you imagine happiness if you've never been happy?#and all these feelings are making it so hard to study and studying is so fucking important because if i don't ill be stuck here forever#and i don't want to go thru attempts fail and pass again atleast back then i had a reason first heartbreak‚ not getting to go to college#but what now why now i don't even understand i know objectively i do not have it that bad it's literally better even if i compare to my own
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This is worse
Trigger warning: birthing fetish
My birth video ended up on a fetish subreddit because of my husband
Throwaway. Although my husband will probably see this here anyway. Maybe this can be the conversation starter?? I don't know! I just need to get this out somewhere and have people validate that my feelings aren't crazy!
I'm sorry if this is all over the place. I am a mess.
My (F33) husband (M36) is the most wonderful and caring person I've ever met in my life. I thought. Almost overbearingly sweet. He's always concerned with how I'm doing, how I'm feeling, how is my mental health. He's an excellent father to our two children as well.
I had a difficult birth with my first child. My hospital experience was bad. I felt traumatized afterwards. When I got pregnant with my second, I knew that, barring any issues, I wanted a homebirth. My husband was all for it. He's a nurse, so I felt doubly safe with him plus my midwife to support me.
The midwife filmed and we also had a professional photographer taking pictures. Everything went great. It was so emotional and beautiful. I'm trying not to give too many details away since it's apparently available to ANYONE for their viewing pleasure right now.
I have been pretty possessive of that birth tape. I never uploaded it anywhere. After I downloaded it onto my computer from our camera's sim card, I uploaded it to a USB, deleted it off my computer, and I keep it in a little "hope chest" to watch when I'm feeling sentimental. It is so beautiful and important to me, and I wasn't interested in sharing it. I have several friends who put their whole birth on YouTube, but I wasn't interested in doing that. My birth didn't need to be shared with the world. It didn't need to be a teaching moment. It didn't need to exist to make others feel better. After my traumatic first birth, it was mine and i cherished it.
My husband didn't feel the same way and sometimes had light arguments with me about it. He was never pushy, but several times, when I would watch it, he would comment "this is such an excellent birth video! You are so happy and calm! I really think you should post this. Homebirths get such a bad rep and this could put so many women at ease." I would tell him absolutely not. This is private. Stop pestering me about it. Its my body. He eventually dropped it and hasn't brought it up since.
My husband and I have never been controlling. We don't have the passwords to each other's phones. I've never felt the need to check each other's phones or computers. I trust him implicitly. Well. I did anyway. I know he has a reddit. We both reddit pretty often. But i don't know his profile or what he does on here. Idk I've just never thought about it.
A few days ago, I was in one of my parenting subreddits and came across a disturbing thread about birth videos getting posted nonconsenually in a birth fetish subreddit. I thought to myself, that is exactly the reason I didn't want to post my birth video. The commenter posted the link to the fetish sub and I'll admit curiosity got the better of me and I went to look. I wanted to know if any of my friends videos wound up there so that I could tell them.
Well their videos DID wind up there. Every single one. The sub has several vast g drives linked to birth videos. But then I saw it. MY FUCKING BIRTH VIDEO. It looked like it had been a YouTube video at one point?? Idk I don't understand how this works. I cant find it on youtube anywhere, so idk. I'm so fucking ashamed and horrified. There is a closeup of...well EVERYTHING down there in a fucking fetish site. My baby taking his first breaths. Me breastfeeding. It doesn't even cut off after the birth. It shows my baby getting weighed, and just...held. If this is a birth fetish sub, why does it feature so much of just...my CHILD. This seems like waaayyyy more than just a birth fetish thing. Idek how to report the video.I reported the post and reddit says it doesn't violate anything.
I am bawling as I type this. Like wtf. Only ONE person knows where that tape is: my fucking husband. I don't even know how to broach this subject with him.
"Hey did you fucking violate my privacy and post OUR BABY'S BIRTH ONLINE, or did you submit it straight to a fetish site, because that's where it is right now."
I don't know what to do. I can't believe I even have to have this discussion. Wtf even if he didn't submit that video straight to the fetish site, he uploaded it somewhere else where they found it, and now his actions have led to THIS situation. He exposed ME to perverts online. He exposed our newborn infant to perverts online!!!
Our marriage will NOT survive this and I am a wreck. I should have known he had SICK intentions when he was being so weird about wanting me to post this. WHY? WHY WOULD HE DO THIS?? I'm not even that angry about those sickos seeing me, but every time I think of my sweet little baby's face in there...I feel like I'm going to throw up. Surely this is illegal?? Surely newborn babies can't be featured in content that people are...sexualizing!!! Can they?? I'm also just....absolutely gutted by the fact that so many other women have had this special moment bastardized by that sub. How many of them are in my shoes? Or my friends shoes. I'm horrified. Do I press charges against my husband?? I can't believe this is how my family is going to end. What will I even tell people. What will I tell my kids!!? Idek what to do!!
TLDR: Husband posted birth video online and it wound up on a fetish site. I don't know what to do.
Update: just a quick update. I left and took the kids to my mom's house. Idk how long we'll be here. I didn't tell my husband anything. I just wanted to get the kids the fuck away from him. Even if he didn't share that video directly with those creeps, I don't want him around them.
TLDR: Husband posted birth video online and it wound up on a fetish site. I don't know what to do.
Update to: birth video in a fetish subreddit
I just...need to vent I guess. This isn't a happy update.
As I mentioned in my last post, I went over to my mom's house. She was bewildered about why I was there. I couldn't fess up to the reason why I was so upset. I am still so embarrassed. I didn't want her to go looking for the damn video either. Thinking of my mom searching around a porn sub to find my BIRTH VIDEO made my skin crawl. I was hysterical. Still am. I couldn't really hide that. I just told her something bad had happened and we needed to stay for awhile. I'm going to have to tell her, but every time I think about doing it, I just start crying more. The situation is even more complicated now, so I'm just scared people will be mad at me for doing what I'm doing, even my own mom.
My husband called and texted over and over for hours. We haven't spent a night apart in years. I gave him no warning. I texted him once and said we were visiting my mom and would be back later, but that I needed a break. I was worried he'd call the police, but he didn't. He continued to text sporadically, pleading with me to talk with him about what was wrong.
I went back over to our house the next day around the time I figured he'd be off work. I took one of my mom's old phones and used it to record our whole interaction. Turns out he'd called out of work he was so distressed. He ran up to me and immediately started asking what was wrong, asking where the kids were etc. He was SO understandably upset. Seeing him like that just made me start crying too. When I started crying, he started crying. He tried to hug me and I stepped away which just made him more upset. It was such a mess. I was finally able to compose myself enough to ask him to watch a video on my phone. He was confused. More so when he realized it was my birth video. A few minutes in, he interrupted to ask why I was showing him. I ended the video, and a hundred other birth videos in the g file folder appeared. He still just looked confused. I exited the folder and pointed to the name of the sub I was in. He took my phone for a better look and I just started bawling and bawling. After a few minutes, he started raging about how we needed to mass report the post and call the FBI and blah blah blah. He kept repeating "we'll fix this. Holy fuck. This is so sick." I tried to get his attention by asking "how did they get that video?" But he just kept pacing around ranting. I just started repeating over and over "how did they get it!?" Until I was screaming at the top of my lungs. He eventually stopped and just stared at me. Neither of us said anything for a long time.
He started crying and told me that he had started a "Daddy Blog" a year after our first was born. He posted about being a dad and eventually about his experience with my second pregnancy. He had posted the video on youtube to link to his blog. He felt like there wasnt enough resources out there for dads regarding pregnancy. He didn't know I didn't want it posted until a week or two after baby was here and I was so vehement about not posting it and getting it tucked securely away on a usb. It was up for about TEN fucking months before he finally took it down. He was waiting to see if I changed my mind, and was reluctant to remove it because he'd received so many messages from thankful dads about how educational and helpful his blog/vlogging was. I had 0 knowledge about this blog. I didnt even know people blogged anymore?? We had both expressed many times how we didn't want to create a massive digital footprint for our children because of SITUATIONS JUST LIKE FUCKING THIS, so I this is such a fucking weird surprise. There's hundreds of pictures of our family on this thing.
Anyway, we got into a huge argument about how this was a breech of trust and privacy. He maintained that he thought my reaction about not wanting the video posted was over the top, and how I never told him I didn't want to share it, how he didn't even think of it as a big deal because he deals with that kind of thing every day so it was just not a big deal to him and blah blah blah. His excuses were stupid and I don't care. My birth wound up on a fetish subreddit because of him and we are getting a divorce.
When I told him it was over, we had another big screaming match. He went through several different emotions. Crying, wailing, begging, and finally anger. I hadn't said ANYTHING about custody arrangements, or my plans besides divorce, but he started threatening full custody and how he was going to put up a huge fight, how it would just be "he said/she said," how he has the better job, etc. Whatever. I didn't tell him I recorded anything (legal in our state). I eventually just walked out.
So yeah. That's where I'm at today. I need to consult with a lawyer about what comes next. I am moving as quickly as I possibly can. Sitting down to write this update was probably a stupid move, but I received SO many heartfelt messages from people concerned for me that it felt necessary. I honestly just...needed to vent and have people tell me I'm not crazy or awful for doing what I'm doing. I told a few friends, and they all just seem...weird. They're concerned about the videos I found in the fetish group, but nobody has reassured me that I'm making the right moves in regards to the situation.
I am in an incredibly bad place right now. I'm worried I'm making the wrong decision. Do i let him see the kids?? I don't know what to tell my family. I don't know if i need to contact the police. I don't know if i want to. The most stupid part of me wishes I could call my best friend and talk to him about it, but uh...yeah I'm divorcing him. What a stupid feeling to miss him so badly and knowing that I will never be with him again. I just keep thinking that I'm doing something stupid, and i feel like so many people will see it that way.
On top of everything, my birth video is just...in a fucking fetish sub. Every time I think about that, I get choked up. I've reported it a million times in just the few days since I posted. I've made alts to try and report. I've had friends report. My other friends,with their birth videos ALSO posted non-consenually in there, have tried reporting. It doesn't matter. I sent the link to the FBI. It doesn't even really matter anyway. They're g drives. If the post got removed, if the whole sub was removed, my video is still in the possession of some sicko using it for fap material. My baby's sweet little face in there...I am sick. I am defeated.
They have a post up in the sub about how their previous group was removed because of pedophile content. No shit. No fucking shit. Your fetish inherently involves children. They ask that "karens" please leave them alone now. They acknowledge that pedophiles lurk in their sub, yet continue to steal content with children in it for sexual purposes. I do not understand how something like this is legal. I don't know how many other dark places on the internet my video has ended up.
The most special moment of my life is now just this fucking smear of shit all because I decided to try and capture it for memory's sake. Something that was supposed to bring me unending joy, now leaves me weeping. I keep looking at my sweet toddler and just...breaking down. He didn't deserve this. I wish I could go back and never have recorded that video. I took my USB and fucking smashed it into a million pieces just to feel like I did something. I am tired.
There's not going to be another update for awhile. I am in a very dark place.
Link
he needs to die
#radblr#radical feminist safe#radical feminism#radical feminists do touch#radical feminist community#radfeminism#rad fem#feminism#radfem friendly
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my dad: “you should come home earlier so you can spend time with your mother”
me, internally: why the fuck would I do that
#shhh sharkie#I’m specifically a) lying to him about where i’m spending the night tonight#and b) spending as little time at home tomorrow as I can before I come back to the city#I have zero desire to spend any quality time with either of my parents rn#I’m driving to nyc to spend the night with my person tonight and sleep over with them#and then finishing the drive to ct tomorrow to drop off the car and then amtrak the fuck out of there#he’s trying to guilt trip me into spending the night in ct instead of nyc but like why would I do that#yeah i’d love to have an uncomfortable evening with a group of passive aggressive people who judge me and my life#and watch a shitty movie i’ll hate and be judged for how many glasses of wine I have#definitely better than getting free drinks at a gourmet restaurant while i wait for my SO to finish up work#and then go smoke/drink and get lovingly railed within an inch of my life#definitely time with my parents is worth more than that 🙄#edit: coming back to this about a month later (2/2) and i kinda do wish i had arrived earlier to say hi to mom but still#more in that like. my parents have this preconceived notion that I hate them but that isn’t true#and i’d like as many opportunities as i can to disprove that#but also my mom is a self-centered narcissist and any slight against her is the worst crime in the world#so i’m okay missing her. but i did still want to see her.#or any of my siblings. it was just my dad and the pets.#which is great! i love how each of the dogs greet everyone#have to deal with Daisy first cause she needs to be Held and tell you she loves you#and then Dolly needs to lick all the moisturizer off your face and be a little potato#and Odie whines and patiently waits his turn but then he gets swaddled with affection#it’s a whole routine i love them all so much#and i miss my girl so much
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toast and waffle sandwich
#wanted toast. wanted some waffles. made one of each and stacked them on top of each other#decent combo tbh#butter and bread and slightly sweeter bread and i dip it in syrup bc too much fructose makes me sick so i only have a little#i miss being able to drench my waffles#though. i have been searching for some fructose intolerance medications#i was told by my nutritionist that they literally didn't exist but. they do sell fructase enzyme pills like how lactaid is lactase enzyme#i have found multiple brands and am going to try them eventually. just need a really worth it meal to test them on#bc if the pills don't work at least i had some damn good food#one of them is like. shipped internationally tho. and they ship via DHL. and idk about the company in the rest of the world#but in this specific area at least. they fucking suck at their jobs they barely comminicate and always drop it at the wrong building#or say that it was just a missed shipment and force me to drive 2 hours to pick it up at the only location within single day trip range#which like. idk if they just don't have that many facilities for people to pick up packages#or they are just inexplicably sending it to a random location and saying ok now we're not moving it anymore come get it#idk whats going on behind the scenes there#but like every single shipment I've had from them has been overly frustrating in new ways each time#they just hate delivering to this apartment
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I think it's also interesting to note that these messages were sent after I posted a coming out message on Facebook. It was on National Coming Out Day, October 11th, 2017.
In the post, I didn't want to make it so much about me but about all the baggage that came with the idea of coming out. I wanted to acknowledge how so many people are in situations where it's unsafe for them to come out. How I hoped my coming out was a step towards a brighter future where "coming out" didn't need to be a thing anymore, where people didn't need to be afraid to be themselves.
And for my aunt and uncle to send those messages in response to that post... It's like... Y'all are the problem. Y'all are why people can't come out safely.
I'm very lucky I was born to pretty open minded people. I'm lucky I was born to my father instead of his siblings. Because even thought at one time my parents had told me that if I was gay, they'd disown me, they grew and changed. They're still conservative in ways that drive me up the walls, but they also still support me as their child. They have made sure that I have a safe place to live, food to eat, and can live as happy of a life as my anxious depressed self is capable of.
As angry as my aunt and uncle make me, I'm very privileged to have not been born to people like them. Other people are not so lucky and that is what my post was about.
I was able to come out as bi to my family and extended family and the worst I got was bible pounding facebook messages. I was fortunate.
Here's my coming out message, if anyone was interested. I wrote it seven years ago so I'm not sure how well it holds up today but hopefully it's not offensive. 😅
It’s National Coming Out Day today. People shouldn’t feel like they have to come out, today or at all, because it isn’t always safe for them or they just aren’t ready. And some people just don’t feel the need to come out and that’s fine too.
I'm fortunate to be in a safe situation. Unlike so many people who are kicked out of their living situations, or put at risk for emotional or even physical abuse for just being themselves. LGBTQ+ folks are constantly at risk of violence by those who cannot accept them. They are constantly told they are "wrong" for being themselves. Sometimes they are completely invalidated in their feelings by being told "you'll grow out of it," "it's just a phase," and "you'll feel differently when you find the right man/woman."
I am coming out on this day, but I want to take this time to think of something more important than my own status. I want to remember all the people who have come before me and paved the way for me to be able to come out today. All the people that have fought and died so that future generations of LGBTQ+ people can live in this world, knowing they belong here, knowing they are accepted, and knowing they are loved. I want to take this day and think about the people who are in unsafe situations, preventing them from coming out, or perhaps they are out and are being treated terribly because of it.
I am coming out today in the hopes of someday, people won't have to come out. All sexualities will be equally accepted. No one will assume everyone to be straight. No one will flinch when a woman says "my wife" or a man says "my husband." Trans women will be treated as women and not "men in dresses." Trans men will be treated as men and not "tomboys." This is the future I am working towards.
I am coming out today as bi.
Me: People are often told they're wrong for being themselves.
My aunt and uncle after seeing that post: You are wrong for being yourself.
🙄
Don’t wanna add it to a post that was meant to be a good story but I can’t get over the fact that my uncle said I had a “beautiful female body” when trying to talk me out of being trans. 😬
Like. I don’t think this uncle is a creep or anything but maybe don’t say that about your brother’s child?
Anyways yeah my dad’s sister and brother stalked my tumblr for years despite my activism there (not this blog) clearly upsetting them. We didn’t know why at the time but they were very cold to me and my family while my grandpa was dying and now I think it’s because of my blog.
My aunt apparently emailed my dad a few times regarding the content of my blog, potentially outing me to my conservative family while I was reliant on them to live.
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I think it should be absolutely mandatory that people work at least a month in a blue collar job and take time to learn about their coworkers before making a statement about blue collar work. I simply think it would fix so many things.
#melon rambles#my father (who makes over 100k a year in his comfy computer job where he can work from home and honestly doesn't even do that much technica#stuff and works less than 40 hours a week) talked about the horrible overtime requirements of the factory I work at#as 'well that's what you get. You just take that job for a bit until a better job comes around'#and it's like. This IS the 'better job' for most people I work with!#Like we live in a small town with maybe 30 companies total that anyone could work at#one of my friends has lived in this town for over a decade and almost exhausted his job options here#because there's only one company in this area that could use his degree but they said he doesn't have enough experience so they refuse to#hire him. Meanwhile he's got a family and bills to pay so he picks up a customer service job and guess what? It sucks#He's worked like at least 10 jobs here and about half of them have had such deep issues (horrible labor law violations. Incompetent manager#who yell at people and cut hours willy billy. Safety issues. You name it)#and now he's trying to find a 'better job' but all of the jobs he can get are bad. And the only good job refuses him for a stupid reason#and that's how it is for a lot of people! Some of my coworkers are 60-70 year olds who can't retire#they've been working blue collar jobs their entire lives and this factory was the most bearable one with good enough pay#it drives me crazy that my father thinks anyone can just somehow work their way up to a job they enjoy#when a lot of people just never get that perfect opportunity#and it also infuriates me how companies can decide to just screw over workers with something like mandated 50+ hour work weeks#and some people can't leave because it's the only job they can get that pays enough to feed their kids#and tangentially related point: blue collar workers are the absolute backbone of society#where would we be without janitors? Construction workers? Factory people? Anything customer service? Maintenence or repair people?#they literally run everything but get treated like absolute crap by companies or looked down upon#it just aaaaaaghhhhhhhggggghhhhhhh#I wish we lived in a world where manual labor jobs were just another career path you could choose of many#and they were deemed respectable honored jobs by everyone#and they were given good pay and good management and working conditions#because honestly from the jobs I've worked. I've actually enjoyed the job itself to some degree#but there were just so many bad management things that made me just dread going in every day.
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The problem with having friends is that I want to hang out all the time and do things for 1 million years but I am also. Tired. And having a job. And having a family that has a bunch of shit going on all the times.
#i dont have the time or energy to talk to people I HAVE LIKE 4 FRIENDS WHY IS THIS HARD#if i dont talk to each of them at least once a week i feel like an asshole but all of them suck at texting#and dont have schedules that match up with mine#LIKE I LOVE YOU GUYS I JUST DONT HAVE THE ENERGY AFTER WORK#and most of them have terrible sleep schedules so if we hang out when i have work the next day i know that I'll end up staying up too late#and then im just more tired the next day and dont have the energy to do anything#plus ive had a bunch of family stuff going on like my sister moving back in and my cousins coming to stay with us etc etc etc#IT SUCKS CAUSE I FEEL LIKE AN ASSHOLE BECAUSE HALF THE TIME WHEN IM NOT WITH PEOPLE IM NOT DOING ANYTHING I JUST DONT HAVE ANY SPOONS#also all my friends are like “introverts” so when they dont wanna hang out its cause “their social battery is low”-#-but im more extra so why would i be socially tired? why would i be sick of organizing all the hangouts-#-and driving people places and paying for things. <- getting into rant territory#LIKE#can someone else just be like “hey are you free lets hang out” instead of me for once#but then with my one friend who does reach out always wants to discord call for like. HOURS#I DONT HAVE THE ENERGY FOR THAT#and shes the worst when it comes to “im to tired for this but i feel bad saying it” because shes put so much into making sure we keep up#and she doesnt have very many close friends so i feel shitty for not trying harder.#but shes also really tiring to be around because shes mormon still and i have to pretend to be normal and stuff#ughhhhhh#and then like. i know night people talk about how much the world centers around morning people but like#if i have work in the morning im the asshole for not staying up with them till like 1am#I HAVE A JOB I CANT JUST CHOOSE NOT TO SLEEP A BITCH HAS WORK IN THE MORNING#JUST CAUSE I WORK AT A COFFEE SHOP DOESNT MEAN I WANT TO SNORT CAFFEINE TO FUNCTION#ughhhhh#i need a friendgroup so that all my introverts i collect have people to talk to when im too tired#UNFORTUNATELY NONE OF THE PEOPLE I KNOW WOULD GET ALONG#or if they would i dont live close enough to introduce them#feralscreaming
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LIKE THE FIRST TIME
it has been a long time since you and logan had sex. you should show him that despite everything he hated about himself, you still craved him.
logan x afab!reader (smut, angst) + no use of y/n. english isn't my first language (!). gif credit to @/asgardswinter
it was a shitty place where you were living with logan. it was always dirty, no matter how many times you cleaned it, it was noisy, because despite being in the middle of nowhere, the train tracks were very close to it, and it was the least home-like thing in the world. both of you were working your asses off to get out of there as soon as possible.
in your free time, you helped caliban with the housework and took care of old charles xavier while logan spent the whole day out, driving and having to deal with one of the things he hated most in the world, people.
he always came home late, tired, with his whole body aching. some nights you would fall asleep while waiting for him and even though logan asked you to do it, to not to wait up for him, most times you stayed up so just to make sure he arrived safely. you waited for him curled up in bed. when he was a minute late, your heart began to beat faster and you imagined the worst. but then he would come into the room, dragging his feet and with his head bowed down.
—how was your day?
logan grunted as he sat at the foot of your bed, you felt how the mattress sagged with his weight.
—did something happen?
you crawled to him and rested your chin on his shoulder. he let out a sigh of relief when your arms wrapped around his body and you hugged him from the back.
—just a tired fuckin' day, that's all.
you hummed, understanding. —well, now you are home so you can finally relax. would you like something to eat?
logan shook his head as he let it fall back and rest on your shoulder. he just wanted to stay like that a little longer with his body between your legs and his eyes closed. he placed one of his hands over yours resting on his stomach as you hugged him. one of his big hands was enough to cover both of yours.
—i've missed you, lo. i always miss you when you are away.
you placed a kiss on his neck. the first thing he did when he entered the house was to get rid of his shirt, keeping only the white tank top he was wearing underneath. his broad shoulders were at your disposal, his muscular arms and warm skin as well.
logan swallowed when he felt your lips on his neck. you noticed so you placed another kiss there.
—i miss you too. every second i spend away from you, i miss you.
you hummed, your heart gave a small jump of joy. while your love language was words of affirmation and you were always reminding him how much he was loved by you, logan was more of an act of service man. removing makeup from your face when you got home and were too tired to do it yourself, washing your hair and massaging your head when you showered, and leaving your coffee ready when he went to work earlier than you. hearing those words come out of logan's mouth meant the whole world.
your hands traveled down his abdomen until they reached the hem of his tshirt and easily slipped under the fabric. you felt his perfect abs under your fingertips and the hairs growing below his belly button as well. he took a deep breath, it had been so long since the last time he had allowed you to touch him like that.
you took your hands out of his tshirt and moved one of them to his neck to make logan turn his head resting on your shoulder and look at you. you connected your lips with his, his bushy beard pricked your face as you kissed him, but you didn't mind, it had been so long since you and logan had kissed so passionately that you could take it.
your tongue slipped past his lips and logan moaned, allowing his to go inside your mouth as well. you moved on the bed, putting one leg on each side of logan's body and sitting on his lap, all this without stopping kissing for a second. his hands now rested on your lower back, yours were on the back of his head to deepen the kiss.
his cock got rock hard the moment you sat on his thighs and you started to roll your hips timidly against his crotch. you felt his growing bulge rubbing against your clit through the thin fabric of your underwear. god, how bad you needed to feel him.
your hands slid down from his neck, caressing his entire torso, until they reached again the hem of his tshirt. you tried to pull the white tank top over his head, but logan stopped you. his lips parted from yours and he shook his head.
—it's okay. i want you, logan. i promise everything is fine.
you held his cheeks so he would look you in the eyes.
he was getting old, there was nothing left of the young and charming boy you met at charles' academy. his body had changed, his hair and beard were becoming whiter every day, and you were still young and full of light while he was fading away. yet you still loved and desired him, like the first day you craved his body. you found him just as hot, even hotter now, but you didn't want to force him to do something he wasn't going to enjoy.
you kissed him so he could stop worrying. —let me take care of you. i want you, lo, i need to feel you —.you mumbled against his lips. he let out a grunt when he felt you pressing your pussy harder on his bulge.
your hands traveled the same path down his chest one more time until you reached the edge of his tshirt again. you expected him to take your hands off him again but he not only allowed you to keep going but he also lifted his arms so you could pull the white tank top over his head.
—fuck —. you let out in a mix of moan and gasp. his body was breathtaking. your hands were quickly attached to his chest, hairy, hard under your touch, warm, with each of its muscles perfectly defined. abs, pecs, perfect broad and muscular shoulders, and wide strong arms, with veins running from his shoulder down his arms to the back of his hands. you ran your fingers along the thick scars that marked his body. —fuck, you're so hot.
with his hands on your back, logan gently pushed you to keep rubbing yourself against him and you moaned, he was harder if possible and you were so wet that you knew that your panties would be completely soaked. you kissed the crook of his neck while his fists clenched, clutching at the tshirt of his that you were wearing as your pajamas. logan fought against his instinct, against the animalistic way you were making him feel, but his grip became so tight that he ended up ripping the fabric.
—it was one of your favorite tshirts.
—don't care.
and logan kissed your lips as he ended up tearing the fabric completely and threw it on the floor. you grabbed the back of his head when his lips moved down your neck and collarbone. your nipples were already painfully hard when logan cupped one of your tits and wrapped his mouth around your sensitive bud.
all of a sudden you got up from his lap and he had to let your nipple go. he was worried about the way you had moved away from him, had he done something wrong?
now you were standing in the middle of the room, in front of him, only wearing your panties. your body was the most beautiful thing his eyes had ever witnessed, with scars very similar to his, with all those things you hated about yourself. was that how you felt about him? if it had not been for the pain in his whole body he would have fallen off the bed on his knees in front of you.
he huffed a laugh and rolled his eyes once you started swaying your hips from side to side while you slid your underwear down your legs. you laughed too, you felt stupid, but at least you had managed to make him smile. you two weren't the type to do those things, things were always more animalistic, more passionate, rougher. you walked towards him and leaned in to kiss him as your hands worked on the zipper of his jeans.
—you're beautiful —. he whispered.
logan helped you to straddle him again. you held your body over his thanks to your knees on the bed. with one hand you grabbed his hard cock resting impatiently against his stomach. he gasped because of your firm grip and squeezed your hips when you lined it up against your aching entrance.
you lowered yourself just enough for his tip to go in. he let out a deep grunt straight from his chest, you let out all the air you had in your lungs in a moan. you never forgot how big he was, the thickness of his cock, the patch of hair on its base, and the veins running along his shaft, but you did forget about the way it stretched you open, about the sting that his dick going deeper inside you caused.
—careful —. logan mumbled against your lips.
you kept taking him, closing your eyes shut and biting your lower lip, hissing every time you took a centimeter more inside of you. you rested your forehead against his and whined when his cock finally bottomed you. —i need a moment.
logan nodded. one of your hands sneaked in between your bodies and found your clit while his hands lovingly caressed your back. it had been so long since you had sex. logan wouldn't let you touch him, he was disgusted by his own body and he was afraid that you would see him the way he saw himself. that's why that night you decided that you would make him feel so good that he would never doubt the way you felt about him or his body.
you started by slowly rolling your hips as your fingers worked on your clit. his jaw tightened while he felt your body moving with his whole cock inside. his big hands on your hips helped you to move, setting a pace and keeping you from going faster so you wouldn't hurt yourself.
—that's it, take your time —. he said. young logan wouldn't have given you a second to get used to it, he would have fucked you mercilessly and you would have loved every second of it. but now, his eyes were focused on where your bodies became one, enjoying how your pussy adjusted to his size thanks to your fingers rubbing your clit.
he moaned once you lifted your body just a little and then dropped back onto him. you wrapped your arms around his neck and kissed his lips while you repeated that same move again and again. your cries and his moans mixed in your mouths. all his body jerked every time you lifted yourself a bit more and then sucked his cock completely inside you again.
—you make me feel so good, logan. always have, fuck—. you purred in his ear. his hands, previously resting on your hips, slid all the way to your ass your hands and squeezed it. in those little details you could see how he was gaining confidence, which encouraged you to keep moving without changing your pace. it was slow, passionate, intense and intimate.
between moans and cries, you kept worshiping him, telling him how much you had missed feeling him inside you, how your fingers were no comparison to his cock, how you didn't want to share these moments with anyone other than him. there was no one like him. you didn't care about his scars, his moodiness, the gray of his hair, there would never be another one for you but logan, you did not want another one.
you were close, he could feel it in the way your walls were squeezing his cock and he knew he wouldn't last longer. logan wrapped his arms around your body, pressing you against his hard chest, and your fingers knotted into his hair. he groaned, your little jumps became irregular, your legs began to shake. logan hugged you tighter and sunk his teeth into your shoulder, getting a little choked cry from you.
—cum inside me, lo. fill me up, please, i need it. let me have it, please.
oh god, your words were driving him insane and after how well you had treated him, who was he to deny your wishes?
logan held your body down on his cock as he came, hugging you tighter against him. you buried your head into the crook of his neck, moaning into his skin while your legs shook and your pussy clenched around him. it was too much. as he released himself inside you, his claws came out and trapped you between them and logan's body, you had no escape. he groaned when he felt the pain of the adamantium ripping the skin off his knuckles mixed with all the pleasure of cumming inside you.
—shit —. he immediately put the claws away when he realized. —i haven't hurt you, have i?
you shook your head, still coming down from your high. he exhaled with relief. once you had caught your breath, you straightened your back, still sitting on his lap and feeling his cock getting soft inside you. you brought his hands to the front.
—are you okay? that probably hurt —. you caressed his knuckles.
—felt too good to even think about it.
you smiled proudly and kissed him. when you broke away, he noticed the mark of his teeth on the skin of your shoulder. —'m so sorry, fuck.
—don't be. i wish you had bitten me harder.
he shook his head, keeping himself from laughing. —you're a freak.
#deadpool and wolverine#logan howlett#logan howlett smut#logan howlett fluff#logan howlett angst#logan smut#logan angst#logan fluff#wolverine smut#wolverine#wolverine fluff#wolverine x reader#wolverine fanfiction#logan howlett x you#logan howlett x reader#hugh jackman#deadpool and wolverine smut#logan howlett imagine#logan imagine#wolverine imagine#x men#xmen smut#marvel#marvel smut#mcu#avengers#avengers smut
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I really do love how much you can tell about Doomguy just from looking around his room.
Like. Yeah, all the stuff you expect to see is there.
He's got his big ol' gun rack.
What appears to be a rock he uses as a punching bag.
Whetstone for sharpening his knives. All the Real Manly Violence Man stuff you'd think would be there.
But also a pair of nunchaku. Doomguy has never used nunchaku in any of his games. Those are just there because apparently he's the kind of dork who likes to play around with nunchaku and pretend he's doing kung fu.
Also a jump rope. Gotta keep his cardio up for all that running and jumping he has to do.
He reads Guns & Bullets magazine, but he also reads Science Monthly. Which makes sense that he'd be a bit of a techie since....
...he seems to have made his new Praetor Suit by disassembling the old one and rebuilding it to be higher-quality. You can see from the guts of the suit that it's powered armor, and he just... knows how to work that.
He's mad. Not stupid.
He also reads cooking magazines, of course. His only friend is Doom J.A.R.V.I.S.; He's gotta be self-sufficient. Though how he got those pizzas delivered is certainly beyond me.
And, of course, he has a collection of regular books that he likes to read as well. Though his taste in literature reveals a certain trend.
Also, he reads comics.
So many comics.
So, so many comics that he's left discarded comics lying around on his munitions cases. This man is a nerd.
And if you doubt his nerd cred, remember that he even keeps collectible toy displays. Doomguy is explicitly the kind of person who will go out of his way in a firefight with the forces of Hell itself to go snatch up a new toy for his collection.
He even has collectible toy figures hanging out on his computer desk. He put a little hard hat on one of them.
On the other side of his desk, he's got some leftover pizza from the inexplicable delivery service, plus takoyaki flavor chips and some candy. It seems Doomguy is a fruity candy kind of guy, not a chocolate guy. Man after my own heart.
Oh, you know he has shredded every single surface of the Fortress of Doom at some point. How do you think he learned to react so quickly in combat?
That is, of course....
When he's not ROCKING OUT with one of his three separate guitars. I bet the middle one's his favorite. It has a place of honor under the giant demon skull.
Some people might say that a record player and casette tapes are old-fashioned but cut him some slack; He's a Gen X-er.
Of course, there's one thing that any walk through Doomguy's room reveals more than anything else. The one thing that matters more than the world to him. The thing that drives him in his every waking moment.
He loved his bunny rabbit. My favorite thing about the portrait - Well, my favorite thing about it is that it's a piece of fanart that got officially canonized, but aside from that - is that he's wearing his Praetor Suit in it.
That's not something he brought from home. He commissioned an artist to paint that after becoming a Night Sentinel. He still loves his poor, late bunny rabbit.
And he keeps her close to him when he's home.
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