#but Kutner was the one who actually thought like house

[thutner]

everyday i think about a.) kutner stealing glance/s at thirteen just to look at her reaction when house and taub were bantering and b.) thirteen smiling at kutner's playful antics when announcing the lab test results SEE EVEN WHEN THEY DIDN'T END UP IN THE CANON TIMELINE NOTHING WILL ACTUALLY SHUT ME TF UP ABOUT THEM

bonus gifs: hallucination/nightmare: thutner version.

[grepepkin]

House goes silent when he’s really hurt.

He gets angry all the time—yelling during differentials, calling people idiots and morons in such a natural way that it almost hurts more, acting out in outlandish, possibly irredeemable ways, that hurt the others around him, even the ones he cares about

But when something really hurts him, he stops talking. He stares at who said it, then looks away to a wall or a table or whatever, and doesn’t respond. He lets them berate him, whether he really deserves it or not. He almost shuts down

There’s been times where it starts to feel like maybe he’s not even listening to them, until you see him in the next scene sulking and punishing himself, or rubbing his leg a little harder, or going out drinking alone. He won’t defend himself. Very rarely does he actually defend himself or his intentions. House defends medical procedures all the time, he’ll even defend the fellows or Wilson or Cuddy or sometimes the patients he treats—rarely does he defend himself. Maybe the choices he makes, but not his inner being, or his worth, or who he is.

A big example of this to me is when Kutner died. He immediately jumps to the idea that he was murdered—Kutner couldn’t have killed himself; House didn’t see a single sign; he was just so happy…Wilson finds House in Kutner’s apartment and begins to berate him. He makes accusations about House that aren’t true at all, that House should know isn’t true.

But House doesn’t respond to it at all. He keeps walking around, trying to piece together a murder scene that never existed. He lets Wilson slander him, and then lets him leave.

Later, Wilson apologizes for this incorrect declaration of House’s motives, and retcons it with a newer version that is much closer to the truth. But the point is that House let him do it. He didn’t get angry or yell or try to explain his thoughts. It was pointless to him, and he let it happen, and he let his best friend be angry at him for something that wasn’t true.

So how many times had John House accused his son of evil motives? How many times had House been punished for defending himself? How many times was he not believed, and shunned, abused, when trying to explain his side of the story?

[oriley42]

Serious question but no need to answer if you don’t want to

I see a lot of talk about Amber’s portrayal being sexist in the show, but I’m not quite sure why? To me her motives always seemed really well-defined (high pressure = “I’m only worthy when I’m successful”) so she puts on this sharky mask with a feminine facade so she is feminine enough to get a certain amount of approval but never shows how much she cares (which could be used against her but also could be used to undermine her “oh you’re too soft”). I thought the show did an excellent job of showing a mask for her

But a lot of people talk about 00s sexism and how it impacts her characterization. The sexism… Is it that she gets called a cutthroat bitch? Or how her story revolves around a man after she leaves House’s team? Is it the fridging?

Any of those could be it I guess but it just sounds like you and others are talking about something a little more fundamental to her personhood so I thought I’d ask if I’m missing anything.

Very interesting question! I think you're getting at exactly the trickiness of the issue, which is that sexism always operates systemically. It's not that any key aspect of Amber's character "is" misogynist, it's that every aspect of her character is automatically filtered through a lens of sexism.

In today's world where "bitch" has been very de-clawed, turned into a more casual and way less gendered insult that's used without cruel intention in queer slang, I think it's hard to understand just how violent the term was--and was meant to be--in the aughts. House in canon is not calling Amber a bitch in a cute, almost self-deprecating, friendly way (though I think it's valid to re-write it that way in fic to defuse the term!). He is calling her a bitch to contain and belittle and dehumanize her. We see the term mobilized this way against Cuddy in 5 to 9 as well: calling a woman a bitch was an extremely powerful rhetorical tool to turn any dangerously competent, brilliant, threateningly accomplished woman back into a harmless, debased, controllable object. So, "CB" reflects how easily the fact that Amber is the "female House" gets turned against her--it doesn't mean she's an eccentric genius like him, it means she's an evil copycat who needs to be put down. And this kind of structural logic applies to her whole characterization--it doesn't matter that House does it all more frequently and worse, if she does it, it's unacceptable because she's a woman. (There are parallels here with how racism means that when Foreman acts like House, he also gets the axe instead of the narrative bending over backwards to make what he did alright.) That's why she was fired, after all!

And her death. Woof. Classic case of killing a woman for man-pain. Everything supposedly about her death is actually about how her violent destruction can be used to fuel Wilson and House's character arcs. The narrative is occasionally conscious of this, for example, Wilson saying "none of you even liked Amber" is an almost metatextual reminder of how cruelly she was disenfranchised in every way (including the sexism of her trying to "defect" to the men's team early on, having no female friends, because unlike House who has so many people orbiting him, she is truly alone). Comparing her death to Kutner's is instructive: Kutner gets a whole episode that's about characters desperately trying to know him better. They trace their relationships towards him. Amber, on the other hand, is nearly absent from her own death. The characters trace away from her and towards the way male characters feel (Wilson's loss, House's guilt). Amber becomes just an imagined figure of House's guilt. Even her ghost is not her own. (Though I think many fans do a more feminist read and reclaim the way she haunts the narrative--but imho that would be a negotiated if not fully oppositional reading, to use Stuart Hall's decoding/encoding terms.)

One easy way to see that gendered difference is in how the show refers to these characters after death. Kutner is always "Kutner," never just "House's dead fellow" or rarely "our dead colleague." Amber is often referred to as "Wilson's dead girlfriend." Kutner is his own person, Amber rhetorically gets reduced to an object belonging to a man.

In conclusion: sexism operates structurally, which can make it hard to identify! And one of the funny effects of contemporary fandom doing so much good work to un-fridge women and give marginalized female characters richer personalities and more chances to grow is that canon's intended message of sexism gets obscured. Which, is awesome? Keep up the good work! Let's make misogyny unintelligible 🎉

[all-pacas]

one random and irrelevant skill for each fellow:

Foreman is a very good baker and cook. He used to help his mother in the kitchen — she always liked to bake something to bring to church Sundays —and he found the precision that goes into baking relaxing and deeply satisfying. Sometimes he still will bake some cookies or a coffee cake from scratch, but he also finds this skill vaguely embarrassing and so has never shared the results or his ability with any of his coworkers.

Cameron was on the track team in high school and has run several 5ks. She's thought about training for a marathon, but she likes being able to not just run but go fast: the physical strength and skill of a marathon does appeal to her, but her event was always short distance sprints, going so fast you feel like you're flying. She does still make it a point to go running. She vaguely looks down on joggers, although she knows it's irrational.

Chase is pretty good at drawing. Like, not was going to art school good, he's never tried painting or picked up a set of pencils, but he'd draw all over his papers and tests growing up, he's got a good eye for sketching, has to put in effort not to doodle on his paperwork even now. It's really just one more way he fidgets.

Taub is a big reader. He is capable of reading and enjoying Literature, he likes nonfiction, he likes novels, he isn't just someone who says he likes to read but never really does, he actually does do it. He and his wife dipped in and out of book clubs over the years. He's capable of having very smart conversations about books and themes and narration. This never ever comes up at work.

13 is really good at video games. She's not even a huge gamer. She played with her brother growing up, she likes games, but she doesn't own a (checks dates) PS3 or anything. But she is uncannily good at fighting games, racing games, anything that involves reflexes and competition. She is unbeatable at Super Smash Bros, and competitive enough that she wants to kick everyone's ass at it. She finds RPGs and story-driven games interesting in theory and boring in practice. When she plays Sim City, she turns disaster intensity all the way up.

Kutner has an uncanny memory for TV shows and movies and trivia. He's a Fandom Nerd, although without the fandom. He remembers the details of things he watched years ago, he can and will argue character motivation and who portrayed what best. This does not really apply to doctor stuff. He struggles to keep the millions of diseases and progressions he's expected to know in diagnostics straight. But ask him the synopsis of an episode to a show he loves and he's there.

Adams is lowkey a Horse Girl. She had a horse growing up. She rode competitively. She is absolutely aware that bringing this up around House or Chase, who would tell House, or Taub, who would tell House, etc., would be absolute social suicide. She is saving up to buy not just a house, but one with a stable.

Park is really, really good at poker. All card games, really. She's played a lot with her grandmother and her old lady friends, and knows how to count cards, and is basically unbeatable and can rake in money. She'd give House a run for his, although she's a little 'over' it, since basically her entire childhood was spent playing cards and board games with her grandmother, who she loves and all, but, you know. Enough is a enough. She's also aware it's a useful hidden skill to have, in case she ever needs to take her boss to the cleaner's.

[itsmakingyoucry]

Thoughts on House's relationship with the ducklings? I don't think it gets talked about enough

This is a GOOD question.

My favourite House/duckling relationship is Chase and him. I think it’s such a multifaceted thing, where Chase is really searching for someone to look up to and House is just there. Chase has long given up on any religious belief, but he’s grown up being a man of faith. He went to seminary school, belief in a higher being was what he needed. Then comes House. He is such a dick. He doesn’t give a shit about what other people need, but despite that; he’s always right. He’s always right. And Chase quickly starts seeing him as the higher being he lacked before.

I also am a full believer in Chase and Thirteen being the only ducklings who genuinely just like House for him. I mean, there are points where this is called into question but otherwise I really believe this.

Chase is this kid who comes into his career and goes into working for House quite quickly. He doesn’t become a doctor because he wants to become world-renowned or because he has some inane calling to it, he does it because it seems to be the only logical thing for him to do next. Then he starts working for House, and he really likes it. He likes House, he likes his crazy shenanigans. He’s the only one who just goes back to him and that’s why.

Also I think it’s so funny that Taub is just there, cause if you’re looking at all the different people who have worked in the team almost all of them have had some kind of childhood trauma. Taub is just a serial cheater, which makes him some kind of fucked up, just not the type we’re used to. I do like him though. He’s committed to actually curing the patient whilst everyone else is just fucking around. I often hear him mid scene saying “can we get back to the patient?” which is exactly what I need to hear in a medical drama. He’s what House needs among all the enabling the others do. Although he does pick on Taub, he does it because he knows Taub is an insecure shit, but also a righteous insecure shit.

Kutner was probably one of my favourite ducklings. He was exactly what the team needed. He wasn’t scared of doing something, he was goofy, lacked any kind of self preservation. Most of all he was smart whilst doing all of those things. I think about that scene where the team is trying to figure out one of Houses metaphors, and they finally FINALLY get it before kutner walks in and is like “oh yeah i got it on my own”. LIKE THAT IS SO GIRLBOSS.

House likes him. He has always dealt with others being against his crazy actions, but here is someone who does it willingly and without any intervention.

I wanted to talk about Thirteen… but this post is already too long and I spent most of it talking about Chases blond-headed ass. Otherwise this about sums it all up.

[desire-mona]

heard we were making house ocs and ive had a dingus floating around in my head since january so i FINALLY got around to actually making a proper ref sheet. i present my silliest

Dr. Nanette "Ninny" Amesbury :3

more under cut !

big warning lore n backstory n stuff is very bare bones and not all the way there cuz im #lazy

birthday is vague but lets go with ~35 circa s2

if i had a nickel for every oc i had who had absent parents and was raised catholic by their grandparents, id have two nickels. unintentional that it happened twice i sorta forgor the other one's lore for a bit and now its stuck so ummmmm sorry laney. wont be going into childhood bc i havent come up w that yet and honestly i dont care to!!! yada yada yada catholic guilt but not in the chase way bc she hasnt left the church n likely never will

ummmm relationship chart + template

lets just quick go over some relationship highlights cuz some are def more important than others

wilson: mr president a 4th ex wife has hit the james wilson. when were they married? ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm 😁

but they were married for like. 3 years? YES it ended bc he cheated but nin also wasn't the best either her ass was literally never ever there she was ALWAYS at work (like more than normal doctor amounts of at work - only came home to sleep and even that was only 4x a week(also worked at a different hospital))

tw suicide for next part bee tee dub

a big part of the beginning of their relationship was (big surprise) wilson's attraction to what he THOUGHT was neediness but was literally just nin wanting (and trying) to kill herself lol. once the magic of all that went away (perceived independence thats rly just #bottling shit up) he was just kinda like oh :/ its not cool to have a mentally ill wife anymore :/ i was expecting ramona flowers :/ or whatever. so infidelity impact font, hijinks and moving away for [amount] years ensue before nin being hired at ppth as the head of pediatrics. brief fwb situation w wilson Again b4 she finds out shes a lesbian at the end of like. s2.

oh yeah she also tries to kill herself again once she figures it out (see catholic guilt mention) but its cool she lives

cuddy: GAAAAAYYYYY GAAAAYYYYYYY GAY!!!!! DR AMESBURY WANTS TO FUCK THIS WOMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! its one sided tho boooooo cuddys briefly like Wait ? just b4 nin moves away at the end of s6 roughly but shes already. thats done its not happening.

kutner: dont even fucking talk to me. i dont wanna talk about it. im gonna talk about it.

so kutner (like the slut that he is lowkey but society isnt ready for that) asks nin out just after he gets hired and shes like ermmmmmmmmmm! but sensing his loser aura she (still deeply closeted) is like hey haha i dont swing that way sorry !!!!!!! but its ok they become super mega best friends and get nerdy together

i like to think they listen to weird al together OH YEAH NINS THE BIGGEST WEIRD AL YANKOVIC FAN IN NEW JERSEY

and then nothing bad happens!

if youve seen this post about the little writing things kutner got after he croaked then hooray here's nanettes

they make me so fucking upset.

anyway as i stated above nin moves away after s6 for a bunch of reasons. 1) thanks obama 2) a big part of what contributed to her suicidal ideations n such was the fact that deep down she didnt ACTUALLY know what she wanted to do w her life. u may be like she doesnt. want to be a doctor ? NO she doesnt thats just what she did to get money to eventually do what she wants. whatever that is. something something feeling lost in life and unable to reach a goal when u dont even know what the goal is something something. also persistent depressive disorder but like spoon in kitchen.

idk what shes gonna end up doing after she moves but id imagine she shows up for house's funeral so i cant just be like lol nobody gets to know! im thinking painter but idk IDK guys her lore is ROUGH

thats it if u have questions ill answer thanks

[science-fiction-is-real]

One thing that I noticed while watching House MD, is that House's instinct to investigate and micro-analyze situations is often treated as an asshole behavior by the show, when it's pretty clear to me that analyzing people is how House knows how to demonstrate care for people. It's his love language, you might say.

Spoilers below for people who still want to watch the show.👇

For example after Kutner's suicide, House deeply offends Kutner's parents when he speculates out loud what could have driven Kutner to the act. It's really clear to me that House is doing this because Kutner mattered to him.

House always analyzes his friends and the people he cares about in what is pretty clearly an attempt to build connection.

And I think a lot of Neurodivergent people in real life struggle with their attempts to connect being misinterpreted, and their inability to demonstrate connection in a way that makes sense to others.

I am reminded of how many times neurodivergent people are told it is an asshole move to try and relate to someone else's pain or by describing a similar experience from their own lives.

I think the problem is, the show seems to treat this habit of House's as an actual asshole behavior. The show frequently discusses the dichotomy between logic/reason, and matters of the heart, and frequently tries to paint House as a person who's troubles largely stem from his unwillingness to engage with heart matters.

In real life, the dichotomy between logic and heart is a false one, and I feel like it would have been nice if someone in the show actually understood House's behavior of analyzing people as an attempt to connect instead of a rejection of connection.

There is no point to this analysis. There is no moral to the story. I just wanted to share my thoughts.

[eliotquillon]

FANFIC PROMPT because i'm mad at reddit today. cameron doing the silly girlfriend thing where you brag about your partner to a third party (or something along those lines. cam being happy in a relationship please)

quick n easy because my brain has WORMS in it at the moment and i just wanted to get something out. set in s4, maybe a few days before it's a wonderful lie or whatever idk

It’s Kutner’s idea to crash Cameron and Foreman’s Friday lunch date right after Amber leaves; he prattles on about solidarity between fellows and joining the brotherhood, which seems to imply that he thinks he’s joining a frat and not just a new job, but whatever–Remy is admittedly curious to see how Foreman will react, and she gathers that Taub goes along with it for the same reason. It is decided that safety is best determined in numbers, and so the three of them walk up to Foreman and Cameron’s table–no Chase, since he’s on nights this week–as a conjoined unit, Kutner in the middle and Remy and Taub flanking him on either side. It sort of makes Remy feel like she’s a sidekick in a teen movie, which makes her smile; after all the ways he’s fucked with them throughout the hiring process, she likes the thought of messing with Foreman. Except Foreman glances up at them and looks strangely…relieved, which takes out all the fun of the damn thing.

“Can we join?” Kutner blurts out, knuckles white around the edges of his tray; Remy catches Taub roll his eyes at the earnestness in his voice. Cameron doesn’t even get the chance to respond; Foreman is immediately nodding and making room in the booth for them to pull up chairs. Kutner beams. “Cheers, man.”

“I was glad to hear you made the cut,” Cameron says to Remy, who is seated next to her out of necessity; Taub has deliberately angled himself as far away from Cameron as possible, perhaps in an attempt to resist temptation, and Kutner has expertly inserted himself right into the middle of things. At least one of them is happy. “Dr Hadley, right? I was hoping you’d make the team over Volakis.”

Why do you care, Remy thinks with a stab of irritation–it isn’t Cameron’s business who works for House anymore, why is everyone who has ever been remotely associated with Diagnostics so insistent on staying looped into each other’s business–but she just takes a measured sip of her coffee and says, “Amber wasn’t that bad.”

“Cutthroat Bitch?” Kutner blurts out, interrupting what appears to have been an eyebrow-raising wordless communication contest between Foreman and Taub. “Yeah, right. Be serious, Thirteen.”

“I really hate that nickname,” Cameron starts, leaning forward and looking like she’s about to go on the warpath, and so Remy is surprised at the utter daggers Foreman shoots when Taub interrupts her with, “So, what were you two talking about before we got here?”

There’s really no other way to describe it; Cameron practically melts. “Oh, just a really sweet thing Chase did for me,” she smiles. It’s actually kind of weird; Remy has heard all the rumours about Cameron’s big crush on House, listened to all the water-cooler gossip about Cameron’s first husband who died of cancer, to the point where she has found herself almost guilty of buying into all of it–the idea that maybe Cameron doesn’t really like Chase, even as Foreman sulks in the conference room about having to thirdwheel them at drinks or reminisces pointedly about how difficult it had been to work with two coworkers who were sleeping together. But right now, thinking about Chase, Cameron looks all warm and glowing, like the human personification of why people call the early stages of a relationship the honeymoon phase. “The clasp on my favourite necklace broke and he took the day off so he could rush it to the jewellers because he didn’t want me to have to wait until the weekend.” She fishes a delicate-looking chain out from under her scrubs, and holds it out to the table for inspection. “See? Good as new.”

“That is sweet,” Kutner says blithely, ignoring the way Foreman looks slightly homicidal as Cameron brightens at the encouragement.

“Right?” she grins. “And he’s working nights, too, so it messed his whole schedule up. He’s so thoughtful. Don’t ever settle,” she turns to Remy, like this was ever a concern, “because good guys are out there.”

“I don’t think Thirteen has to worry about settling,” Foreman says, bone dry; it’s halfway between compliment and insult, as most of his comments towards her are, and Remy stares at him long enough until he ducks his head in embarrassment. “What’s new with you three?” “I’m so glad you asked,” Kutner begins, and Remy cuts him off with a congenial smile at Cameron. Her job is secure now, and so revenge is easy.

“I want to hear more about this necklace story, Dr Cameron,” she says, bright and honey-sweet. She sees the exact moment that Foreman realises his mistake, and Remy goes in for the kill: “Why don’t you tell us all the details?”

[greghatecrimes]

You said you used to be a barista? Any headcanons on how our darlings at PPTH take their hot cocoa?<3

I did used to be a barista indeed!! <3 Oh this is such a good question, I'm much more of a hot cocoa than a coffee person myself so I absolutely love it.

These are based more on vibes than anything else:

House: With a near obscene amount of mini marshmallows sprinkled in, and a very healthy spiral of whipped cream on top of that. Like, tall enough that it looks like it might tip over. Half the time he probably makes it that big just to be obnoxious/see the ducklings' reactions lol

Wilson: Either normal hot chocolate (homemade though, not the powder/instant mix kind. Only ever homemade! Probably chides House whenever he sees him going for the hot cocoa powder and then stops him, takes over, and makes a big batch of luxurious homemade hot chocolate. (little does he know that was house's master plan all along.)), or he goes like... super indulgent and enjoys something like salted caramel hot cocoa every once in a while. If such a recipe exists.

Cuddy: Let's be real, it most likely wouldn't be a hot chocolate, it would be a mocha. That caffeine fuels her through her day. Unless she's at home with Rachel for a snow day or something. Then it's the good ol' swiss miss they keep a box of in the pantry. Rachel likes to put rainbow sprinkles on top with her mini marshmallows, and somehow there's always a little handful of them that end up in Cuddy's mug, too.

Cameron: Peppermint hot chocolate, one thousand percent! I wrote a post about coffee orders a while ago and I mentioned that Cameron totally seems like a peppermint mocha girl to me. The same carries over for hot chocolate, too. She'd be happy drinking peppermint hot chocolate any time of year, no matter the weather! (And I love her for it). I think it would be a total comfort drink for her. Very grounding. <3

Chase: Similar to the coffee orders, I think Cameron introduces him to peppermint hot chocolate, and he ends up really enjoying it. I think he'd also enjoy just plain hot chocolate with a small layer of whipped cream on top. (I'm picturing that it's the kind where the whip is about even with the rim of the glass, so that when you drink the first couple sips, you usually end up getting a whipped cream mustache). ALSO? Bailey's hot chocolate (hot cocoa recipe spiked w/Bailey's Irish Cream liqueur). Great nightcap on a cold winter night.

Foreman: Like I said, a lot of these are based on vibes alone. My man is really giving me "Hot cocoa with Nutella stirred in" vibes rn. Or something else that'll give it a nice, rich hazelnut flavor alongside the chocolate. Anything that adds more depth to the flavor instead of stacking on the sweetness. I can see him liking a dark chocolate hot cocoa with some dark cherry extract added in, too!

Kutner: Hot chocolate infused with orange extract, from a recipe specially made so that it tastes like you're drinking the equivalent of one of those chocolate oranges. Everyone thinks he's nuts until he convinces them to try it, and then they're all absolutely hooked.

Thirteen: I have two thoughts in my mind. One: I think she'd like both white hot chocolate and milk chocolate hot cocoa. Two: She strikes me as the type of person who would get a craving for hot chocolate in the summer, but absolutely NOT want the sensory feel of a hot drink when it's hot out. So she takes hot chocolate powder and mini marshmallows and mixes them into a glass of cold milk. House calls her out on it and is like "you're just drinking glorified chocolate milk at this point." Kutner immediately jumps to her defense and says "it's not chocolate milk, it's cold chocolate." (Then he makes himself a glass of "cold chocolate" and is like "This is actually pretty good!" and then orders an iced mocha with no espresso in it every day for the next week)

Taub: Dark chocolate hot cocoa. Something that's not too, too sweet, but still has a good cocoa flavor. Maybe this part is because I'm POTS-y/probable EDS and need way more salt than average (and thus fucking LOVE salt), but I feel like he'd enjoy sprinkling little sea salt crystals on top. Then it tastes like one of those fancy dark chocolate candy bars you can get at trader joe's.

Bonus Amber, just like in the coffee questions: Homemade chocolate infused with pure raspberry extract. And just a little bit of whipped cream on top (probably also homemade). (I adore her)

This was so much fun to think about! Thank you for the ask, anon! <3

[whenceful]

AU where House is pregnant and everyone hears about it. House/Wilson/Cuddy but no one really knows they're together. All of House's past and current residents keep asking him about it and he gives all of them different explanations:

House to Masters, who had not asked: I’m pregnant

Masters: Congratulations?

House: You were so cute and I wanted one just like you

Masters: You’re having a girl?

House, scoffing: That’s very heteronormative of you! I’m sure a boy would be just as cute and unwaveringly honest and annoying as you are

Masters: …

Chase: Aren’t you like 40?

House: How dare you? That’s ageist. At least your less prettier half doesn’t judge me like this when she’s doing my prenatal appointments

Chase, who was being generous (he was fairly sure House was nearing 50): Cameron is doing your prenatals? Why?

Cameron, when Chase (and Foreman and Kutner and Thirteen and Taub and Adams and pretty much everyone who has ever worked for House) asks why she’s looking after House’s prenatals: House kind of forced me into it. 

Chase: But you’re not a gynaecologist

Cameron: That’s what I told House! He said that I was better than all of them because I used to work for him.

Chase: I’m sure it doesn’t have anything to do with the fact that everyone in gynaecology hates him

Foreman to Cameron: So House is actually pregnant?

Cameron: You think I’d do prenatals for a fake baby?

Foreman: I didn’t think you’d do prenatals for any kind of baby, seeing as you’re not actually an OB-GYN

Cameron: Can I go back to work now?

Foreman: I thought it was some kind of prank on Wilson or Cuddy

Cameron: So did I, but they’re both away on some conference so I’m not even sure if they know

Foreman: This is so weird

Thirteen, who has already deduced the answer: Whose the dad

House: That’s very sexist of you, Thirteen! This is the 21st century! We can do anything! 

Thirteen: Including asexual reproduction

House: I prefer the term parthenogenesis

Thirteen: Like a reptile?

House: That’s the spirit!

Adams, glad that House didn’t ask her to look after his prenatals: I didn’t know you wanted kids

House: You know I didn’t but then Taub made it look so easy 

House: And I’m sure Cuddy will give me maternity leave

Adams: I’m sure you’ll make a great parent

House: I thought i taught you to lie better than that

Taub, to Cameron: House is actually pregnant?

Cameron, tired of being accosted by everyone at PPTH and just trying to do her job: ….Yes?

Taub: And the baby is real?

Cameron: Yes?

Taub: When is House due?

Cameron, who just wants to go home: I can’t discuss my patient with you

Taub: ….

Taub: Since when does House care about doctor-patient confidentiality

Cameron: He may not, but I do, especially when it gets me out of conversations like this

House to Foreman: Rachel wanted a sister

Foreman: I’m sure that Cuddy will be overjoyed to adopt your baby

House: That hurts, you know. Families come in all shapes and sizes

Foreman: So this baby is going to be Cuddy’s daughter’s sister through delusion

House, mockingly: I wonder if delusion is a shape or a size

Kutner, vaguely disappointed that House didn’t ask him to look after his prenatals: My friend is a gynaecologist at Princeton General

House: When you say friend, do you mean a real person? People on the internet lie. Surprisingly a lot more than people in real life

Kutner: I went to med school with him

Kutner: And why surprisingly

House: Ugh, everyone knows that male gynaecologists are just perverts. Someone on the internet told me that

Kutner: Is that why you didn’t ask me to do your prenatals?

House, gravely: You don’t have Cameron’s bedside manner

Wilson, back from his conference: House, why did my assistant just ask me if i fathered your baby?

House: Because there’s a bet going around on the parentage of my baby

Wilson: You’re pregnant

House: No, but I like making money

Wilson: You made up a pregnancy just to win money from a bet about the pregnancy?

House: I also want maternity leave

Wilson: Of course you do

(it takes Wilson a month to realise that House is actually pregnant)

Cuddy: And here I thought you were too old to have a baby

Cuddy: I suppose congratulations are in order

House: For you and me both

Cuddy: What

House: If you adopt this baby

Cuddy: What

House: Foreman thinks that this baby can’t be rachel’s sister because they’re unrelated 

Cuddy, jokingly: Why did I let you hire such a close-minded fellow?

Cuddy: It’s a girl?

House, in mock-disappointment: So heternormative of you

House to Park: I wanted Wilson to spend more time with me

Park: But you live together

House: He works such long hours

Park: At the same hospital as you

House: I miss him

Park: Sure

House: Can’t a guy get pregnant so another guy hangs out with him more often. Platonically, of course

Park: Of course

Cameron: I’m not doing a c-section

House: I would assume that handling a patient’s prenatals means handling their births as well

Cameron: I can get Chase to do it

House: What does he have that you don’t have 

Cameron: A board certification as a surgeon?

House: Any idiot can become a surgeon

Cameron, calling his bluff: If it’s so easy, why don’t you just do it yourself

House: I fully plan on getting all the good drugs

House: It’s why i’m having this baby, you know

Cameron, not backing down: I’ve never done a c-section. Chase has probably done hundreds

House, mockingly: Will you hold my hand at least?

Cameron: I thought that was what Wilson was for

House: I have two hands

[lapdogchase]

house s5ep23 rewatch ^__^ spoilers etc etc

"i exist." "no you dont. [...] i acknowledge my subconscious exists now go away" "saying it is one thing. living it is another" i had this exact conversation with mars from my brain on the floor of my dorm room back in march 2022

he talks to amber and wilson's like??? and he says "i told u i was hallucinating" and then wilson looks over his shoulder. What do u think hallucinating means babygirl ❤️

"ur mind made a choice it means something" ive had this conversation too.Probably also with mars. possibly.god whatwas his stupid ass long name.tupperware

CAMERONNNN

CHAAAASE

oh my god i forgot about cameron's dead husband's sperm

god i wish id had someone to talk to about it when i was going thru psychosis

its the lamictal rash obviously. or whatever the actual thing is called its not just lamictal thats just why i know about it

(guy who only knows about masks voice) finally an episode where a mask is used in a proper context !!! bc its not used to prevent transmission of an infection its used for water droplets , like how people initally thought covid was spread (bc the cdc are a bunch of little bitches)

it would be so much funnier if he wasnt hallucinating but he was still checking with wilson about everything bc theyre trying out a 24/7 dom/sub dynamic

"cameron kept her dead husbands sperm" ".........she doesnt like yours?" is literally so fucking funny this is the best show in the world

"i wanna be stuck with her forever" ☹️ i love when men love their wives

"kutner was secrelty a woman thats why he killed himself" is mwant to be a transmisogynistic joke but inthe beautiful world where transphobia isnt real kutner actually Is a beautiful woman and she lives and she starts estrogen and she's happier than she's ever been. she's the one who inspires chase to accept herself too

^THIS IS WHERE THIS GIF I MADE IS FROM. i forgor

goddd the feeling of "oh god im still psychotic" ... i remember it vividly

OH MY GOD THATS THE SONG FROM THE . FULL MUSIC NUMBER IN S7. OH MY GODDD THIS SHOW. BARKBARKBARK

and the questioning everything trying to figure out whats real and what yr actually feeling and believing

god :((

i dont know/remember if he wrnt thru withdrawals alone or if he didnt actually detox at all and had to do it twice but goddd :(

amber is clearly a persecutor this is just him communicating with an alter for the first time ever due to the stress hes under. I can system truth anyone

"im not here protecting hospital property" god they say everything in the spaces between lines dont they. shes not here protecting hospital property. shes here bc shes protecting him. because she cares about him, as a person, of her own accord

he was so greasy looking in s4 bc Mara wasnt fronting much bc he found out abt the system and it destabilized things so she had to take care of the littles on the inside. /referencing my own syschase au that ive shared one (1) thing about

god he so desperately needs to Know he needs to Know hes Loved and wanted and that hes not going to be abandoned.I COULD THROW UP. CHAAAAAASSSSSSSEEEEEEE

[marc--chilton]

heyyyy i got a name! i would now like to take the time to specify that the emoji is NOT a guitar it is a BASS guitar is for pathetic losers who can't handle the better clef (joking about guitar being pathetic but bass IS superior by a lot, do you think my fingers can bend that way for chords? they can't)

i love the idea of bulking up around ruts. it sounds super inconvenient, and i like it when fictional characters suffer. is it like "oh dangit i ate a big meal and now my pants are digging into me" or is it focused on the upper body? do they have to buy separate clothes for around the ruts when the regular ones don't fit?

house really does have a great kubrick stare. i think that house being autistic is the closest thing to canon as possible when the canon has said he isn't. but he is. and arguably so is nearly everyone else except cameron. what i don't think gets enough love is ADHD Chase and Kutner, which is odd to me because those two would score horribly on that test where you spend 15 minutes not clicking for an X but clicking for every other letter and also trying to not double-click for a letter. i think it's the connors test. i could be wrong. my point is they SCREAM ADHD to me but i can't seem to find others who agree with me there. do you agree with this conception of them?

do heats/ruts screw with medications? like. does ibuprofen work to reduce fevers in heats? does your dose need to increase during heats to accommodate heightened metabolism? does your dose need to decrease around ruts to accommodate lowered metabolism (if that's what helps the bulking)?

-🎸

hmmm i suppose that could be partly genetics too. like some people get some beefy arms, some just get a gut, or a fat ass,

given that it's highly encouraged for alphas to stay at home for their ruts, most don't bother with actual pre-rut outfits since the window of pre-rut bulking to holing up at home or a hotel for the rest of the cycle is pretty small, opting instead to go with sweatpants and breathable tees. so there's probably some who have rut loungewear specifically but most are fine with just a handful of stuff

i can see adhd chase and kutner totally!! i haven't really thought about it but those sound 110% feasible to me. i don't have adhd myself but i'm part of that trifecta of adhd/autism/anxiety so like i can See it, yknow....... i'm understand you........ also i love "except cameron" i'm just imagining she's their token neurotypical friend. which is even funnier when you notice how normal she thinks she is but she's soooo not. i didn't forget about that HIV bit girl

as for medication....... good question. ibuprofen works in a pinch as a fever reducer, yes, but someone in heat will burn through it faster than they can safely ingest more. those with heart conditions probably need dr visits after their cycles due to the strain it puts on them, and given their results may have their medications adjusted. alphas bulking up for their ruts actually will need smaller doses of some medications because their bodies aren't absorbing everything taken in. think of it like stockpiling. when they come off their rut after having taken their normal medication regularly, it isn't outside the realm of possibility to overdose from backlogged meds

[itooaminthisepisode]

episode that you love?

im only on season four but i've got a couple of faves so far:

1x21 'three stories': it's practically law that i have to include this. absolute classic of an episode. i love the format, i love the backstory we get, and i especially love the med students!! they were fun and i hope they come back at some point. probably not but im still holding out hope. teacher!house was great to see too, and the deep-dive into his backstory is so delightfully painful and heart-wrenching,,, oughgh

2x07 'hunting': very fun episode!! "what, because you're a closet case?" absolutely killed me the first time i watched it. get their asses lmao. also we get to see steve mcqueen (my beloved <3) and cameron on meth - fun times!

2x15 'clueless' and 2x16 'safe': mainly for the hilson roommates subplot tbf, but the cases were interesting too! these eps also had a lot of funny moments, like wilson sawing through house's cane and the whole tick debacle lmao

3x02 'cane & able': where do i start with this one. first of all the awful cgi hallucinations were fucking hilarious, i was so fucking confused tho. like the whole time i was just going helllo???? aliens????? great stuff. the rest case itself was really fun too!! and this is the one where we get the infamous "i was worried that your wings would melt" speech. oughghgh top tier content right there.

3x04 'lines in the sand': controversial take right here. this is the infamous autism episode. the way they handled it was. well. it was 2006. so. the case itself was interesting too, but the main highlight for me is the autistic house moments <3 and look. i KNOW wilson says house doesn't actually have autism. but MASKING EXISTS, WILSON!! you can pry this headcanon out of my cold dead hands. i support autism rights but i also support autism wrongs or however the meme goes. more people should get to be autistic and jerks i think <3 (saying all this as a guy who most likely has autism btw. i havent got an official diagnosis but uhhhh yeah it's Likely.)

3x07 'son of coma guy': hilson road trip! plus coma guy ig. but mainly hilson road trip :) i love them.

4x02 'the right stuff': i love love love the whole gameshow-esque thing house starts. we get to see some great characters (amber! kutner! dobson my beloved!!!!), and it's just all round a bit of fun. love it.

4x05 'mirror mirror': another fun one!! the mirror syndrome guy gives us a lot of fun insights into the applicant's personalities, i thought that was a really fun way of showing it rather than have a million expositions about each of them lol. also the banter was fun this episode, especially between house, wilson and cuddy. also we find out that wilson is more dominant than house and that kutner's a masochist. great fuel for fic writers. fun!

4x12 'don't ever change': ohohhoo i love this one. the case was alright but the best bit abt it imo was the house, wilson and amber dynamic. i love this trio so fucking much you don't understand,,, i honestly think we should've got poly wilson/amber/house. just think abt it... house and amber friendly rivalry... teaming up to bully wilson... and also amber and wilson bullying house together... would it be a little dysfunctional? yes. but that's to be expected in this show lmao. idk why this turned into a pitch for these three i just love them very very much <3

4x13 'no more mr. nice guy': again for the wilson/amber/house dynamic. this one is very fun i love their custody dispute over wilson, and the dog analogy was very funny to me. and cuddy making house and amber do coma patient duty lmao. AND bisexual thirteen!! love her <3

i haven't actually gotten to the last couple episodes of s4 yet because uhhhh Bad Things Happen and i am delaying the inevitable. send help. but i am sure they are very good and will probably make this list once i get around to watching them!

honourable mentions include 2x13 'skin deep' (purely for the scene where house is in the mri machine and wilson pretends to be god lol), 3x22 'resignation' (for the wilson on amphetamines scene. "i'm not on antidepressants, i'm on speeeeeeeed!" gets me every fucking time) and 4x01 'alone' (house and wilson prank war!!!)

soooo yeah those are my favourites :) and i'm sure there'll be a lot more once i finish the rest of the show but like i said i am Procrastinating lmao

thanks for the ask my friend!

[foreman]

drinking game rules for watching house? nothing TOO common like "house saves patient" but ik you guys love house so i thought I'd ask you

drink if

-wilson isnt doing his job/wilson is providing emotional guidance to someone, drink twice if he is providing guidance to someone that isnt house

-lupus/sarcoidosis/amyloidosis mentioned

-foreman raises one eyebrow

-chase says something ignorant/prickish

-cuddys boobs/ass mentioned

-house plays with a toy

-house says “I’M IN PAIN”

-patient/patients relative doesn’t know house is a doctor

-theres a breaking and entering

-patient lies to house

-house purposefully poisons/infects/injures/kills patient

-wilsons ex wives mentioned

-amber is mentioned, if youre watching after s4

-house stares solemnly into space/plays guitar or piano as an emotional montage begins, drink twice if the song used is by the rolling stones/the who/some 90s indie darling

-wilson’s lunch stolen

-someone says something super sexist or racist—not clearly misinformed or unintentional, something actually insane. drink twice if house doesnt say it

-cameron gets emotional

-kutner says something naive/someone makes fun of kutner

if you dont care about living or dying take a vicodin or your favorite opioid every time house does

[all-pacas]

do you have any taub headcanons? i love that weirdo and i can never find any good posts about him besides yours

i don't, which i won't let stop me! here's some taub headcanons i'm making up on the spot:

He likes to sing, and he's not half bad at it. Kind of a showtunes guy. Sings in the shower, or while puttering around the house.

He's a big putterer. The type who likes to do dishes or fold laundry just because the repetitive nature lets him space out and think. He'd probably like gardening if he'd ever tried it. Despite this, he's not a particularly tidy person, or even all that organized.

He did always want kids. It wasn't like a driving thing, he did believe he was fine not having them when Rachel said she didn't, he probably could have lived his whole life not having kids and been fine. But he really loves fatherhood, even if it happened in the messiest way possible.

Although Taub was driven out of his practice, he didn't have to go into a Fellowship, let alone one for a fake field like diagnostics. But it sounded fun. And that actually matters to him. He can't do a job he doesn't care about, he'd rather take a shitty paying job for House than be bored as a GP or something.

After the series, he goes back to plastic surgery, but keeps in contact with Chase partially just to fish for consults. Like come on buddy. Don't you want to tag Taub in sometimes. Wouldn't it be fun. Come on. Come onnnnnn

Taub liked Kutner a lot, but they never really transitioned into out of work friends; they'd grab lunch sometimes but Taub never had Kutner over for dinner, for example. Which absolutely destroyed him after Kutner was gone.

So he made more of an effort with the others going forward. Like Chase thought Taub was being condescending when he invited Chase over for Thanksgiving Post Divorce, but no, Taub meant it, he actually does try to be a proactive friend. He's low key about it. Foreman was easy (Taub isn't at all threatened by or intimidated by his ego). He keeps in touch with 13 in a vague way after she moves on to Greece (he goes to her eventual wedding). He even still sends Christmas and birthday cards to Masters. (She got confused the first time, because isn't he Jewish? So now he sends her Christmas and Hannukah cards.)

Taub is not at all a practicing jew but his judaism is super important to him and he does lowkey want his daughters to go to Hebrew School. Just for cultural reasons. That said, he's probably the type to put up a Christmas tree because it's easier. I'm putting a lot of my dad into him with this one. Taub has dad vibes.

He loves a good argument. In quieter moments, he and House actually probably have a lot of fun going way into the weeds on highly specific philosophical or theological arguments.

He is a fiend for gossip, and tells all of it to his wife. Even after the divorce.

He and Wilson tried to be friends and it didn't quite work. Not because they dislike one another; they have a healthy appreciation for one another. It was just one of those things. They never quite clicked. They look at one another's philandering and self depreciation and inner insanity and go "what a loser." They're just alike enough in the wrong ways that they have nothing to talk about.

Lowkey, he probably had a bit of a thing for Cuddy.

[storywriter12]

The babysitting disaster

So this is another house fanfic it's huddy and a little of hilson at the end I hope you enjoy it

He wished now he didn't ask her but he was pressured into doing so, so one night he went to her door and asked her on a date she said yes but only if he will look after rachael whilst she worked he of course said yes but wasn't thrilled with the idea and blamed Wilson but if course Wilson thought it was an amazing idea

(cuddy) as I came in from the snow holding the baby carrier I saw house I walked to him, oh I actually thought you wasn't going to come in today and avoid this like the plague he looked me up and down and shook his head "of course I wasn't if this is what I have to do for you to come out with me I suppose I'll do it" I smiled handing the baby carrier to him. Now Rachel you are going to spend today with uncle house be good I said kissing her and walking off

(house) I looked down. At the baby who looked at me uhh OK let's get this over with I got to my office placing the baby onto the table everyone looked at me. It's a little deal I have to do so cuddy will go on a date with me

(forman) and she left you to look after a baby? As I said that the baby cried

(house) uh now look what you've done I said shhh … , shhh I picked up the baby rocking it back and forth everyone stared at me what? Forman shook his head

One hour later

(house) whilst the team was running tests I sat on my chair switching on cartoons for the baby who stared at the colours with amazement she then started to fuss. It's OK sweetheart I picked her up standing up and carrying her around the room making funny noises was the only way to not make her cry

(cuddy) I went to check on house and when I walked up to his office and was about to go in I stopped seeing Rachel laughing and house smiling. It melted my heart. I watched for a little longer how Rachel held his face as he held her up in the air and she smiled. I walked away going back to do paper work

One hour later

House was on clinic duty he took the baby in the rooms with him which was a big mistake because everytime he would ask questions the patient would pay more attention to the baby but he wasn't complaining it made him do less work

(reception) Dr house a note for You

(house) grate I placed the carrier down taking the note i then went to go and refill my vicodin I walked back and looked around…. Where did the baby go? I asked the woman shook her head. I rolled my eyes going back to my office, OK very funny where is she? I asked come on this isn't funny cuddy will fire me

(13)We don't know what you are talking about . I looked at him and he had no baby with him. Oh my god you lost the baby?

(house) no.. No, the baby is fine, look she's here, can't you see her? Well I missed place her and I Need you guys to help me find her

(forman) house we have a patient and why should we help?

(house) is the patient dying? "no we just put her on meds she is getting better" kutner said see and also if you don't. Help me and I get fired. You will be out of a job because we both know that you can't work anywhere else. He nodded, "OK guys let's find this baby" he said all of them stood up. Listen if any of you see cuddy just tell her that the baby is fine they nodded walking off.

Hour later

(13) she's not in the toilets she's not in the ER I had to lie to Cameron I said

(Taub) she's not outside

(forman) we should be telling cuddy if someone else took her a stranger we should at least call security

(13)if we do that cuddy will know come on let's keep looking

(house) I checked the corridors and that's when I bumped into cuddy ahhh!!! "house?" um hi

(cuddy) where's Rachel?

(house) um she is… Is That a new top you really do subduing me at work don't you?

(cuddy) no it's old you know that wait a minute where is rachel?

(house) I….i….. I Don't have her I said to cuddy who looked panicked

(cuddy) what do you mean house? What do you mean you don't have her?

(house) I…. I…. I, I huff cuddy you see (gets cut off from baby fussing) I looked to my side seeing Wilson holding her I wave of relief went over me

(Wilson) house there you are I changed her for you I said handing her to cuddy I smiled

(house) that's what I meant when I said I didn't have her I ment I didn't have her at the moment

(cuddy) I smiled. That's fine I'm glad you looked after her today house why don't we make time you can pick me up? He nodded I walked off

(Wilson) you are welcome

Hours later

(house) I opened the door to Wilson's office walking in where did you find her? I asked he stopped writing looking up at me

(Wilson) one of my patients found her in the lobby she gave her to me

(house) why didn't you give her back? I asked

(Wilson) I don't know, I shrugged "oh my god!" what?

(house) you're jealous "what no!" you don't like the thought of me being with cuddy I smiled wow you took her didn't you? so I could look bad

(Wilson) no house I didn't take her I huff "everyone is right you totally like me" I opened my mouth to say something but nothing came out "uh thank you" what?

(house) You could have said something to cuddy but you didn't so thank you I said walking to the door and I was about to shut it before I heard "you owe me a date to" he said I turn back. Do I? I asked with a smirk on my face I nodded OK you pick out where you wanna go and I'll take you.

(Wilson) you'll get lucky with me even if you don't with …. Cuddy I, said feeling myself blush

(house) lucky me, see you then I said walking out of his office