#but I've definitely improved since I started so I guess it works right?

[untitled-tmnt-blog]

I absolutely HAD to draw something for @phoebepheebsphibs's DTIYS (based on this pose)! I decided to mix things up a bit by experimenting with a more limited color palette, which was a pretty fun challenge.

[naomistares]

since your art style has changed (and i love how expressive and mischievous? it feels now, idk if that makes sense but i admire the heck out of your growth) what does your process look like now? do you use the same brushes as before? do you want to talk about what you love about your work now? i saw your tag about tlt redraws now that you like your art and it made me curious. anyway love your art so much, nori!

hi!! thank you so much for this very cool question!! i guess before i just drew without much putting any thought to like... anything at all haha, only when i started doing comics was when i actively tried to make myself enjoy the process more.

i just thought about what I hated and tried to change it and just do a lot more art studies in my own time and try to really think about everything... like composition ! and like with colors, i didn't like how i only used to use desaturated tones, when i enjoyed more colors in other art i see.

or with poses, i didn't like how everything i drew felt very static to me, it still does but i'm getting better!! so i've studied dynamic-ness and whatnot.

i didn't like how "realistic" i would naturally go with proportions while drawing when my personal taste enjoyed more cartoon-ish and whimsical proportions, so i tried to be a little bit more loose with that but i'm not all there yet. for example, when i do some reference studies in my own time i find myself copying it 1:1 as it is, so now i try to incorporate it into a specific style without just copying it, it doesn't feel like i benefited otherwise!

i'm also trying to currently improve my lineart, i'm finding it much more enjoyable to draw with a thin brush! my lines were often thick and bulky and not super clean.

and yes!! i used to be loyal to like one or two brushes but i'm just trying new things constantly and it definitely affects the general vibe of the drawing, i've been obsessed with pencil brushes but i'm retiring it for a bit for a more jagged brush that i'm obsessed with now lol (still haven't posted anything with that, (working on it) but it totally changed the vibe.)

i feel like i often know when something looks right but i struggle on how to get there at times, but lately i've been seeing more right than wrong and just generally enjoying drawing.... drawing is my favorite thing.... i clocked in 9 hours yesterday on procreate.

[prince-liest]

My first patient today made me so happy. She's this relatively young woman that I've seen a few times now who came in with this story of really debilitating, recurrent episodes of nausea and vomiting multiple times a week that were getting in the way of work and life and leaving her collapsed in the shower for hours a day. She had irritable bowel syndrome listed in her diagnoses, and was tearful for most of her first visit because she was so tired, stressed, and had basically been told repeatedly that she just had to lose weight. I was like, cool, weight can definitely be a goal for your long-term health but right now I'm more concerned about your immediate quality of life.

She's also had migraines with aura since she was a kid, worse the past few years.

Now, don't get me wrong: I did a thorough work-up to make sure that the nausea and vomiting weren't from some other underlying pathology. Thyroid, ultrasound, the words. Results were all pretty much perfect.

Anyway, started her on sumatriptan as an abortive medication for the migraines, it helped partially but not fully, so I nixed the sumatriptan and started her on daily venlafaxine as a preventative and stacked Nurtec on top as an abortive medication and she came back looking happy for the first time I've ever seen her. Like, every single other visit she's ended up crying in the office, not even out of active upset but just because she was so stressed and tearful at baseline. Also, guess what? No more debilitating nausea and vomiting.

I've started several people on antidepressants and one of the things I've been realizing fairly swiftly is that more than half the time I'm starting people on them, they do have depressive or anxious symptoms...but the main thing I'm gunning for is actually either migraines or chronic pain. And I get two birds with one stone: improved pain, and improved mood because, well, antidepressant, but also because not being in pain makes people happier.

Antidepressants woooooo

[fountainpenguin]

Riddle watches New Wish - Post #10

Some speculation and feelings now that I've slept after a binge up to "Trial or Hair-or" and took a break, before I start anything else.

I'm not sure when I can next watch episodes, so please don't reply with spoilers.

Background Characters

I was really worried about Whispers Fred. I only read a small glimpse of the story bible / concept art page a year+ ago- I was pretty sure I remembered Winn and Whispers Fred, though I would not have been able to recite their names.

After recognizing them, I was expecting them to be glued to Hazel's hip. I thought I'd find Whispers Fred and his ASMR shtick really annoying, but he's actually totally fine and doesn't bother me at all.

I'm relieved, because "Writers trying to be cool and they think kids want ASMR, and also I'm pretty sure a kid trying to look this stuff up could easily go down an online route they probably shouldn't be going down at their age" has been my mental vision for the direction this show is going for the past, like, 15 months and I thought I'd have issues with him.

I really like him now because you can tell Hazel's classmates all have their own depth and running gags, which is a great improvement on most of Timmy's classmates.

I can definitely look back and name the shticks for Chester, A.J., Trixie, Chloe, Kevin, Elmer, Sanjay, and Francis. We knew them- You could write a 'fic with them in it and no one would question the lack of other characters, because that's a great cast.

-> But yeah, we didn't really know much about personalities or what they do, and many of those characters I listed faded away in later seasons. I like how we're starting off strong. It makes it feel very planned. We know Whispers Fred has a podcast, even. Impressive.

Throwing this out here because it's still hilarious, but there are at least two kids in Timmy's class who are confirmed godkids - He sees them at Cupid's party - but they were both mysteriously absent when Doombringer came in as a sub to start fairy hunting and it cracks me up.

And that was all the depth we got to them, because it was never played up (and let's be real, they were thrown into Cupid's party from the character stockpile folder).

I like how Hazel is befriending people in her class. Some of them aren't fully fleshed out yet, but they don't need to be. We're getting enough that if I wanted to write a 'fic, I could way more easily play with the personalities of Hazel's classmates than Timmy's, and I love that.

[cnt'd below cut - Very long post, including things I wouldn't truly call negativity, but my vibe is discussing the things I like and the things that aren't working for me personally.

This post leans into things that aren't working since previous posts have been about what is working. Heads up for discussions of child abuse and nostalgic comparisons to the OG show. Proceed at own discretion

Reminder, I'm only up to "Trial or Hair-or" at time of posting this]

Would I Be Watching This If It Wasn't Claiming to be FOP?

The show is very enjoyable; let's start with that. I like Hazel. I like Cosmo and Wanda. I like the set-ups and the kids.

I like watching the show, but... It doesn't feel like FOP, in the sense that I'm not seeing the things that draw me to the original show (Like... the child abuse? Or Crocker? Or the risk of losing your fairies? Or Timmy's struggle to keep his secrets from Vicky, his parents, and his friends?)

Hazel's made a vague mention that she has to keep fairies a secret, but we have no proof Cosmo and Wanda would leave her. No memory wipes either.

Maybe it's just me, but FOP without child abuse is... a WILD concept to me. lol. Dev seems to have issues and I suspect he's being set up for a future plot that delves into them, but it's still funny that our main character is, like... chillin'. No self-hatred? No dissociative issues or anxiety attacks? No sneaking around? Are you sure you're in the right show?

Okay, I guess Dev is bullying her, but he's not been nearly as bad as Francis, who caused physical harm. Heck, Tootie caused Timmy more stress than Dev's causing Hazel. Trixie literally treated Timmy worse than Dev is treating Hazel- she was launching him across the room when he spoke to her.

I'm liking the show, and I see potential in this world where I could set a 'fic... but what would that 'fic even be about? This place is fluffy; Hazel's not struggling much and there's not a lot of meat here for me to dig into.

I'm not seeing stakes, and I'm kinda "hm" about it.

And I'm kinda worried I'm watching a watered-down show that's been made more palpable to an audience looking for found family fluff. Which is fine! ... It's just that I'm here for Fairly OddParents vibes. Where's my child abuse?

I'm nostalgic. I miss my boy who kept a scrapbook with pictures of him in therapy. I miss the jokes that the court once got involved and appointed the family a child psychologist. I miss how he broke down in front of Trixie, wailing that he'll always love her no matter what his therapist says. He had a lot going on that we never saw onscreen, only the implications, and I love him <3

This was the boy who literally froze time for 50 years and told no one; he was messed up and they were not afraid to paint him that way.

I'm the target audience for "people who like seeing tiny details from the OG show brought back," but I'm not the target audience for fluff or sweet and innocent characters, so if that's what we get, I don't think I'll get giddy about it.

And I'll be 100% okay with that because I enjoy watching the show anyway even if it's different, and I'm just super grateful we've got something nice for the series after so many years of a difficult slide.

I write my 'fics and I've made worldbuilding posts for 8 and a half years, but I rarely main-tag anything, and I have unique blog tags for each character so they're harder for people to stumble on, because I was trying to lie low and avoid fandom negativity I kept seeing when I ventured into the tags. So... as much as I'm nostalgic and as much as I have my fingers crossed for the things I want to see, I'm super grateful this show is very enjoyable and seems to be bringing a wave of positivity and new viewers into the fandom.

Let's be clear- I'm REALLY enjoying watching this show, but I'm waiting to see if it adds stuff that fits my interests, that's what this post is.

Threats to Cosmo and Wanda's safety?

I want to start by saying I appreciate how Crocker isn't Hazel's teacher and her dad is not obsessively trying to catch her fairies. Danny's parents trying to catch ghosts worked perfectly fine in his show, but I'm glad this one is a different direction. It's nice to mix things up and not fall into a previous formula.

It's hilarious that her dad is like, seriously doing his paranormal job and it doesn't even affect Hazel, Cosmo, or Wanda yet (where I've watched up to). That's hilarious.

I'm hoping that it's going to come back, because I haven't seen a strong sense that it will. Hazel's dad has speculated there's a ghost in his house a little, but he's not investigated at all and we've not seen any tension regarding this. I hope we're setting up a big plot with confrontation, but there's not enough there yet to make me believe we are, so I hesitate to trust the pay-off is there.

Unclear how Cosmo and Wanda meet Hazel in the morning. Do they stroll over? I assume not- Her parents would think that's weird. They're not in animal form because they're neighbors, so are they poofing over? Do they wake her up like they used to wake Timmy?

Thus far, we've not seen signs that Cosmo and Wanda could be in danger. Jorgen's made an attempt to take them away, which was their fault for claiming a godkid they had no right to take tbh. I don't mind taking a break from Crocker's obsessions, but I do miss the tension he brought us. I miss the danger. I miss the angst implications- This show is pretty fluffy so far, and I can appreciate it, but that's not "FOP vibes" for me.

Jorgen implied Cosmo would get hurt when he fell off a tower, but otherwise we've not seen signs that Fairies can be hurt or killed. And I don't know if that's even a thing that carried over in this universe, so I have to treat it as 0 risk of death.

It would be 100% reasonable for Hazel's dad to shake C and W's hands and ask to interview them, which is fine - It's a new vibe than Crocker, Doombringer, and Leadly and we could probably use that - but I think I'd be disappointed if that was the payoff for emotional investment of implied danger.

C and W haven't expressed any fear in Hazel's dad since Episode 1. I really liked Episode 1 - a lot of thought went into it - but the rest of the episodes seem like they're using Episode 1 as a diving board, but not circling back to what we established there. Which is actually super frustrating right now.

You hooked me! ... So, where's the stuff you hooked me with?

We're no longer getting C and W fumbling around the human world, we're no longer getting miserable Hazel, we haven't had any awkward neighbor interactions between C and W and the parents, and we're no longer getting the threats to C and W's safety. I feel a little cheated and I hope we see more threats later.

Please give me an awkward dinner party with the neighbors. Give me one of the parents coming over to borrow sugar and C and W have to poof away from Hazel and rush back home to maintain their facade.

Give me neighbors wanting to come to a party at C and W's and they have to protect everyone from accidentally wandering into Fairy World or using dangerous Fairy equipment. Give me C and W getting put in charge of a neighborhood event they don't know anything about. Give me Hazel's parents asking if C and W can babysit and they're so paranoid that they call constantly to check in while C and W try to act like everything is normal and they're not running around doing magical things.

I feel like we've given personality to the schoolkids, which is fine... but I'd love to see personality for the neighbors. To me, living in the same building as fairies who don't know how to be human is a fantastic plot set-up, and they're doing nothing with it.

In other words, I'm glad Hazel is delved-into as a character, but I feel like we've not seen anything about what's going on with Cosmo and Wanda.

-> Hazel's in her school arc right now, but maybe we'll have a summer break arc?

Here's my thought on that. Bluey does a really good job of balancing what's going on with the kids and what's going on with the adults. Yes, the show focuses more on the kids, but it's always clear what the adults are doing, like Bandit trying to talk to his friends while Bluey complains about him taking too long, and Bandit feeling sad when his friends leave so he can take care of Bluey.

Early in the series, we see the kids playing in the park ("Shadowlands") while Chilli and her friends talk about TV shows they like in the background. There's a constant sense in that series that Bandit and Chilli have interactions with other people- Heck, we even get an episode of Bandit struggling to make a new friend (and struggling with Bingo getting in the way of that).

I'm not getting that here. C and W do have personality, but do they have friends? Or coworkers? Or stakes? I didn't see a lot of depth to their brief interaction with Jorgen, nor does Cookie seem to be someone they know in any way.

For this show to win me over, I need them to interact with their neighbors and environment in a way they're not currently doing. Right now, they're just giving Hazel magic... but I'm starting to think they could be sexy magic lamps. I don't remember struggling with these feelings in the OG show, although back then I binged like 4 seasons before making any posts.

- It is not to their favor that they can easily spend an episode in object form and just chill. We used to have Crocker trying to sniff them out even in object form, and I kind of miss that. And yeah, they're retired, but I hope we get to see more character depth and relationship involvement in the future. - In the early season, we had background conversations like Wanda trying to lure Cosmo to the doctor, Wanda explaining to Cosmo that their "special alone time" wasn't meeting her needs and she wants more snuggles, or Cosmo being a pushover when Wanda's dad came around, or Cosmo sneaking his mom into their guest room, or Wanda blatantly telling Cosmo that she still thinks Juandissimo is intriguing. I miss the up and down of that dynamic. It's nice to see them fluffy, but... they're kind of flat. I liked the mail scene and how Wanda hugged Cosmo after he rescued Hazel in Episode 1, but again... it feels like most of their characterization happened in Episode 1. I have my fingers crossed we'll get some of that in the future, like Cosmo and Wanda cheering each other on when they learn things about the human world, or Cosmo sacrificing himself to save her from the Pixie takeover, or showing that when he stands up for his family, he's extremely powerful. tl;dr - I hope we get Cosmo standing up for Wanda. I'm glad they love each other, but I'm not seeing a lot to interest me in their ship. I'm more interested in Hazel's parents, tbh. They've got stuff going on in their "breadwinner therapist vs. paranormal investigator" vibe. And they play with Hazel and hold hands in the background. They're cute, and I want more of that for C and W. - Actually, Timmy used to get called out by his classmates for being "That weird kid who talks to inanimate objects." There don't seem to be any risks for Hazel yet. - If you were to ask me what the biggest threats are to this godparent relationship, I'd say it's either Cosmo and Wanda overstepping past Jorgen and upsetting him, or Hazel's dad finding out. But I'm not sure we're going to push those plots further, which saddens me. Holding out hope, though. - That is actually hilarious I don't see Dev as a threat to her right now, since that was Remy's whole thing. Good for him? Like, he's mildly annoying her in the background, but he's not a true danger at this time. - Jasmine has implied she's sus about Hazel, but it's been brushed off twice without her investigating. I don't think we're delving into it more, which is a shame. I want Jasmine to be weirded out.

Episode 1? Absolutely not lamps- Cosmo and Wanda were involved, they had depth, and there was tension. And the other episodes are fun, but their personalities have taken a backseat.

You can tell there was a ton of thought put into how Cosmo and Wanda interact with the human world in Episode 1. That seems to have gone away now, and they're even in reboots of their old outfits instead of their human disguises, so... it's nostalgic, but I kind of wanted to see how they'd changed over time. If you're going to give them new outfits, why not use them?

If C and W were, presumably, aging while on their time travel vacation that lasted 10k years and they look the same, what on earth was Jorgen doing that makes him look so aged after just a handful of years? I'm unclear where we are in the timeline.

We've had some nice Cosmo-Wanda-Hazel moments (like the seahorse and princess game where they were playing together), but I'm thinking the "Cosmo and Wanda nitpicking at each other" problem has been solved by taking away their conversations with each other- they're really just here to talk to Hazel.

That's fine, I guess. I just want to see more of them interacting with each other. Because I miss them.

It reminds me of when I critiqued Sparky vs. Chloe, because I felt Chloe fit really well in the dynamic while Sparky was interacting with Timmy, but not really Cosmo or Wanda. Chloe was a great balance of changing the entire dynamic (so was Poof).

I feel like this will probably change in the future when we're not pushing the "Gotta show Hazel is a well-rounded character and focus on her above everyone" direction, but since I'm liveblogging, I need to cite where I am and what I'm looking forward to.

I'm not seeing enough fairy biology going on. I like what Cosmo gave us regarding stretchy skin, but... what is life like for these people? Do they have to avoid touching humans?

Do Cosmo and Wanda pay rent? Do they pay taxes? Do they know their neighbors? Do they see other kids and get nostalgic for their past godkids? (I have to assume yes, since they took in Hazel).

-> I like the implication in "A Dinosaur in Dimmsdale" that Cosmo and Wanda have been around long enough to be familiar with the special event held at that time. I'd like more of that, but also deeper. And maybe that's asking a little much since the show is for kids and of course it's focusing on the kid... Idk, maybe I'm reading into this too much.

I like how Cosmo has twice struggled to hide his crown. That's a step in the right direction, but unfortunately I can't remember if his second time was also in the first episode.

That first episode was beautiful- everything I wanted. But the others don't meet the expectations and story hooks that lured me in.

I think what I'm trying to say is that my vision of Cosmo and Wanda in New Wish relies heavily on what I got from the OG series. I don't think I've seen much in New Wish to give them enough personality to stand their own.

I'd really like to see Juandissimo or Mama Cosma shake things up. I think by this point in the OG series(?), we'd seen them split in "Dog Day Afternoon" and "Apartnership." We knew Wanda wanted to be an author, we knew Wanda had friends in town, we knew Cosmo was a mama's boy, and we knew they were goofballs who were rarely apart and would totally crash into things when they were looking at the other.

We also knew Cosmo and Wanda had issues with being mistreated ("A Wish Too Far"). They were also goofballs who struggled to pass as human ("Transparents") and joke around ("Tiny Timmy"), and they'd make their own assumptions even if they weren't what Timmy expected (Stealing an alien prince in "Spaced Out" instead of making their own monster). Cosmo even pretended he was about to explode in "Same Game" to joke with Wanda, so she didn't believe him when he was actually close to exploding.

AGAIN... I am not far into New Wish. On one hand, it's great that Hazel's not mistreating Cosmo and Wanda, so we don't need an episode like "A Wish Too Far." I think we'll be getting more depth later in the series, but I'm liveblogging my thoughts so we can see if my opinions change.

-> I don't feel like we've learned enough about Da Rules. They were a big deal in the OG series and I'm very unclear on what Hazel does or doesn't know. I'm unclear which of the Big Rules are still in play. In the OG Season 1, Cosmo and Wanda had to grant wishes when Timmy talked in his sleep. I'd like a bit more of those rules showing up here.

-> Unclear to me if Cosmo and Wanda stay in Hazel's room at night.

I just still think they're a little "sexy lamp" for me and I want this to change. As annoying as they were (affectionate), I'd love to see Mama Cosma, Big Daddy, Blonda, Schnozmo, or Juandissimo mix things up. Because Cosmo and Wanda both have drastically different reactions to each of those people.

Maybe that's what's missing for me, because I've been writing 'fics where they ARE interacting with these people, so I'm used to seeing them have to juggle other people? In which case, that's unfair for me to judge, lol.

Blonda only had 2 episodes I think, and one of them was a cameo where she wasn't interacting with Wanda. It'd be super interesting to see her return and play a role as large as Mama Cosma's or something. I miss her too.

I am REALLY looking forward to seeing more of how Antony plays into Hazel's life. It's incredibly obvious that she cares for him (even sleeping in a bunk bed and wearing his hand-me-down shirts), so that's fantastic.

tl;dr - Cosmo and Wanda are just kind of there (imo). I'm pretty sure the episodes after the first would be basically the same if Hazel had no fairies, but was a witch who could use magic on herself.

I'm not seeing anything that makes me say "Yes, this definitely needed to be a show about godparents and not just any show about kids with magic." Give me a reason why we couldn't have a show about Hazel being a witch, having spy gadgets or tech, or having a genie. I want Fairy World! I want misery!!

Fairy World and Jorgen

I'm putting my faith in the idea that we'll return to Fairy World. I can't imagine that we wouldn't, but I have to say, our first glimpse of it didn't look too magical or dramatic.

I like how the OG series sets Timmy up as believing Fairy World is glittery and magical, so Cosmo and Wanda must goof off all day. In reality, Fairy World is big on rules and discipline. I think we take Jorgen for granted as a character since he's been around for 20+ years. It's easy to forget how funny it is that we have a big, buff, military-attitude fairy bossing people around a glittery magical world. That's hilarious!

Think of how "Old Black Magic" gives us a street made of playing cards or how "Odd Squad" gives us purple grass and cars without wheels. Some of their streets float and twist around each other. Their world should look "exciting and unfathomable to the human mind." We haven't seen the Rainbow Bridge either, really.

I have no drive to revisit Fairy World after "Department of Magical Violations," which was the 2nd episode. It didn't look magical or fun. You can tell Jorgen still has his characterization (Being strict but also liking to party), but... he wasn't contrasted against the magic of fluffy Fairy World. Without the contrast, he's just a guy.

I hope we see him again and he gets another chance to show his depth, because even though I went in knowing full-well who he is, I felt like we weren't given enough. I don't even remember seeing his giant staff.

-> He debuted in short episodes in the OG series, so it's not an issue of not being double length. I just think he wasn't utilized as well in such little time.

Give me the guy who used to turn Cosmo into a monkey during drills. Give me the guy who uses a jet pack because he cut his wings off. You don't even get to see his back in his debut, so it's totally possible new viewers might think he still has wings 😔

-> That might seem like a silly thing to be disappointed in, but after the effort that went into showing us details like Hazel's house number or how Cosmo and Wanda crawl across the floor, I feel like Jorgen didn't get the same fully in-depth treatment. He should be someone we're totally hyped to see, but he's... there.

-> Even in Season 0, we were introduced to Jorgen in a way that subverted expectations: the big, scary fairy who was such a contrast with the idea of a friendly godparent was intimidating his godkid (making him wish to live)... AND he's dating the Tooth Fairy. I just haven't had expectations subverted yet in this show and it makes me kind of sad, because that's Jorgen's biggest "selling point." He's funny in contrasting environments.

Maybe he just needs the right person to bounce off, like Binky.

I will say, I think there's nothing wrong with Jorgen not playing all his goofy cards in front of a stranger. He has a job to do and he's good at his job. But I miss him. I miss the doofus who cried for weeks when the Tooth Fairy broke up with him because she didn't like how he tried to forcibly remove Timmy's buck teeth for a wedding present.

I miss the guy who cried when he lost his job, and tried so hard at the other jobs Timmy set up for him, but he was bad at them because all he knew was to set expectations so he kept spoiling movies while selling tickets... and putting people in the hospital with his muscles.

I miss the guy who found out he was standing "in the same room as his cousin," looked at Cosmo, and then went full steam ahead into "Please let it be my invisible cousin Leonard!"

I miss the guy who used to throw pixies at his dartboard or chase them out of their own building because "He's the only one allowed to cause pain to fairies." I miss the guy who put grenades and barbed wire on pizza and gave it to a child. I miss the guy who works in his nana's cafe and covers his niece's shifts at the pet store. I wonder if he still does game nights with Mama Cosma.

I miss the guy whose idea of a good house pet disguise was a rhino in a fishbowl. I miss Jorgen. I love him, and I really hope we get to see more of his funky, goofy side, because he's such a great character.

I've only seen one episode with him, so I'm probably judging too harshly. I just think he has one of the strongest characterizations that's easy to work with because he's hilarious against a glittery Fairy World backdrop, so I miss him and I don't think the DMV was the best showcase episode for him. I'm nostalgic :(

The abuse & trauma?

I really like how the OG show plays with abuse. Yes, Timmy is an abused kid. We know this. It's made very, very clear without it being too scary for a little kid. The OG show is full of things that appeal to me as a kid (slapstick humor) and as an adult (Watching what Timmy's going through and the clever ways the show plays with the abuse angle without being too scary).

- I'm not seeing why Hazel is miserable? Which is okay, because as I said in a previous post, Cosmo and Wanda came out of retirement and befriended her of their own choice (defying instruction), so they're in a gray area with the usual gameplay rules. - I'm just unable to detect if the "godparents lose their fairies when they're no longer classified as miserable" rule is still a thing in this universe. Or "Hazel will lose her fairies when she grows up or reveals them." It's okay if those rules are gone- I'd just like to know so I can adjust my perception of what the stakes are. - Hazel avoided revealing magic to Jasmine in "Fearless," but it wasn't explicitly stated if she was told the rules or if she's just trying not to scare Jasmine with magic.

I'm a little confused that the writers for this show seem to have toned down the abuse and trauma, yet upped some present-day horror. Like, I legit would not suggest a friend watch "Fearless" or "28 Puddings Later" without a warning.

- Those were some VERY scary spiders for a kids' cartoon, especially compared with the goofy spiders from the OG canon. We had onscreen trypophobia (I think? - Not sure if there were enough holes in the cheese, but there were holes) and I used to have a friend who would've struggled with that part of the episode. And I get that swiss cheese is going to have holes- I'm just a little surprised we didn't go the route of making Jasmine a relatable character for someone with trypophobia and instead she faced all her fears as if they were nothing...? Or is that relatable- I'm not sure. I mean, it's a cartoon, so... idk what I expected. I know I wouldn't love being forced into a bloody environment, and a friend violating that after I told them no would possibly be a deal-breaker (and has been, actually, since I've had ex-friends ever since I was a kid stop caring about my boundaries and try to show me blood and/or purposely try to upset me with blood when they lost interest in me as a friend). But also, Jasmine is 10 and if she wants to try facing her fears, she can. I don't have issues with that. - "28 Puddings Later" had red lighting on the bodies and faces in a way that was a little much for my hemophobia, and I think I'm not going to be watching that episode again unless I do some prep. I was trying not to look for most of it.

It's... weird? Usually the Hartman shows go fine for me, although "T.U.F.F. Puppy" has like 2 episodes that jump my hemophobia, but they were... not drawn-out like this. Those were legitimately spooky things to watch (Saying this as an adult who wasn't genuinely scared, but was analyzing the execution and comparing it to other cartoons I watch). I think that's a great thing that sets the tone of the show... but that's not the tone I really want?

It's totally fine for New Wish to be its own thing, but it's not the FOP that drew me in years ago.

- I want more psychology- and trauma-themed underlying jokes, like Cosmo panicking when Timmy's parents babysat Poof because "Those two have no idea how to raise a child!" followed by panning over to Timmy. - I want more bits like Timmy standing up to Imaginary Gary and saying "When I was 8, I learned what a real monster was like" and introducing Gary to Vicky. I want to be asking "Kid, are you okay? Hey, what was that??" and gushing over implications. -> I've seen the tiniest taste with Dev so far, but not enough to catch my interest this early on. I'm hoping that goes somewhere, but if I'm struggling to see the depth in Cosmo and Wanda, I don't have the highest hopes. Like, childhood trauma was a huge thing in the old show (I would argue it's the main theme), and every time those glimpses of Timmy's genuine struggles came up, I lost my mind. I'm not seeing that with Hazel. I like this show for the magic, sure, but I really liked this show for the underlying trauma themes that made you want to explore character backstories with a 'fic. And I'm sure there are plenty of people who want to explore Hazel's relationship with her brother with a 'fic, and Dev seems to have stuff going on, but Hazel doesn't do for me what Timmy and Chloe did. I discussed Timmy above, so let's talk about Chloe. Chloe had serious mental health struggles. She had multiple dissociative spirals. She committed fraud. She broke into Timmy's house to steal from his dad's toy collection because she was jealous. She lied to authority figures for literally no reason except to make herself look better (Not even to cover up magic- She just straight-up lied). When she was upset, she would pull all-nighters and plot revenge (And that was like, her 3rd episode). She lived in denial even when things went wrong. She also wouldn't stand up for herself sometimes, so Catman pushed her around. She also stole from Kevin Crocker while he was passed out (lol), went on power trips, bribed people (including Crocker) to like her, sold out her friends for extra credit, backstabbed Timmy by turning him into a monster who couldn't speak so he couldn't unwish the wish, and it was very clear why she needed godparents. This child mostly raised herself on Fair Bears cartoons for 50 years of the frozen timestream. She has parents who are rarely home, and when they are, they completely violate her boundaries. Timmy literally has to stand up to them for her at one point because she's spiraling into her second dissociative episode since her parents came back to Dimmsdale- she was strugglin'. Chloe's canon is that without Cosmo and Wanda, she would've led a gang (giving us one of my favorite lines in the series, "I can't believe you found 6 kids with eyepatches"). She couldn't handle watching kids for 1 day without screaming at them, calling them "monster children with evil in their hearts," and making them so miserable, all 3 kids got assigned godparents. At the end of the series, she nails Crocker's bed to the ceiling. She's... a lot. On some level, I enjoy that Hazel is not suffering abuse right now. Hazel is very likable, but I feel like the show is going for a different vibe than what I'm looking for in an FOP show. I miss the trauma undertones. That's why I like this show and why it's deeper for me than many cartoons. This is a show that's been a massive part of my life for 8.5 years, so... I miss those hooks that draw me in. I hope we get something like that for Hazel (or Dev?), but I'm not seeing anything that would draw me into this show if it weren't advertised as a continuation of a show I already really liked. It reads like a show I would put down and walk away from. Well, things did draw me in, but... I don't see them being carried through.

And going back to "Fearless" and "28 Puddings Later," I get it, about the spook factor. It IS pudding. I get the joke we're making here, with how funny it is to think of it as a zombie apocalypse. I'm totally onboard- It's not them, it's me. You just can't make my brain settle down, because it sees what it sees and I have to deal with that.

This feels like FOP without all the things I like about FOP.

I'm just... Where's the kids' show I liked to fawn over because it was fluffy and slapstick on the surface, but secretly playing with trauma underneath? I enjoy the ride New Wish is taking me on, but I think I'm only watching this show because of its FOP connection. If this were some non-reboot (just a brand new Nick show about a kid with some kind of magic), it would be kind of "meh" to me so far. I don't think new viewers or kids would be bothered at all, but I miss the OG.

New Wish kind of gives me Star vs. The Forces of Evil vibes. I enjoyed that show's first season, so I don't say that as a bad thing- I just mean "Star had her own wand and didn't need godparents." Except Star got to explore the responsibility and danger of having a wand and Hazel's not giving me that either.

I like how we've gotten callbacks to the OG series. I get excited by the references and I'm very grateful we finally have a reboot that's taking the show seriously and with love. I hope we can lay it to rest when New Wish is over so it ends with a pleasant memory for people.

I like it, but it's not one of those hidden gems I've stumbled on in the past that I've gotten hooked on (Ex: I randomly stumbled across the Carmen Sandiego 2019 reboot, All Hail King Julien, and Kick Buttowski, and every single one of those blew me out of the water as a hidden gem I fell in love with). But... I feel like I'm watching New Wish more to avoid the risk of someone spoiling it for me (and because I want to see allusions to past episodes) than because I'm truly captivated by it, which is a shame.

I love it as a reboot, but I don't think I'd watch it as some standalone show that just dropped. And that's probably fine, because it's not trying to be a standalone- it's trying to be a nostalgic reboot with a fresher take, and that's totally okay.

- But consider... Send the toddlers back to Lightning Walrus Hell while Foop begs to be spared and frantically tries to claw his way out of the vortex after Poof's been vaporized, then rewrite time so they never existed. THOSE were stakes, and THAT was the messed-up stuff I love. lol. - (Do not actually do this- new things are good and if Poof and Foop had to relieve their own childhood trauma regarding the Hocus Poconos, I would die. Also, that was the Season 8 finale and New Wish is only in its first season with chill episodes, so it would be wild to expect that much drama straight out of the gates. Also, it takes time to establish things before we can have that kind of drama. I'm willing to be patient.)

I will say, I do think we're matching some early-series vibes. We had episodes in the early days where Timmy bonded with his friends, and I really like that Hazel's taking her time to meet new friends (something we didn't get to see with him until Mark Chang's Season 2, 3, and 4 appearances). I think that's going 100% fine. I like what I like, but I'm getting increasingly anxious about the things I miss.

I do feel nostalgic for Remy. I miss Juandissimo and Mama Cosma and Vicky and Mark. Nothing wrong with not pushing them in if Cosmo and Wanda have moved past that life drama, but I still want someone or something to cause tension. Shake things up.

-> They don't have to appear personally, but I miss The Vibes.

I will say, I love that Hazel hasn't had a love plot yet. We have no clingy fans like Tootie (or that newspaper girl from "Fairly Odder"), and Hazel's not in love with someone who hates her. I won't be mad if we get a romance plot, but I hope it's something fresh (and not one person pining after the other despite being told that person's not into them, which I find uncomfortable especially in a kids' show if said show plays it as cute or "kids will be kids" without going into how frustrating it is to be the person who wants to set boundaries).

-> Please let me live vicariously through a main character who's not dealing with "Just give them a chance!! :) They really like you! They may seem creepy, but they're probably nice!" vibes.

It's also really nice that no one's immediately attracted to the new kid when she's only been here a few weeks or months. It's nice that she's building friendships. If a relationship blossoms over time, that's fine, but I'm glad no one is currently in love with her and pining for dates (as in, straight out of the gates).

-> I genuinely cannot figure out who they're setting Dev up to be, so if he's a future love interest, I hope he does some serious work on himself. He's got issues and he's mean, and Hazel also seems to think he's mean, so based on my current understanding of his character vibes, it'd be weird if she conveniently forgot how mean he is and developed a crush on him. I need to see more facets of him.

But it's very funny that he follows people and tries to make bigger and better things. That's exactly what a bratty 10-year-old Dimmadome would do. And honestly... I think I can see him developing a crush on her over time. Like... I genuinely do think that would make sense for his character based on what little I know about him right now.

I think Dev is super jealous of how Hazel just arrived and is gathering friends- which I really like, because we're seeing how it takes Hazel some time to make each new friend, and Dev has the same amount of time and opportunity, and is choosing to be a jerk.

It really showcases this idea that Hazel is making an effort to learn to be nice (and even needs to learn not to try changing people to be what her brother was to her). She's working hard on herself and she's trying to make friends. She didn't show up and have people fawn over her immediately. She's here, she's nice, and she's working to understand friendship and boundaries.

And Dev, who is used to things coming easy to him or just buying what he wants, HATES that.

I think jealousy is fueling Dev right now, but Hazel IS a nice person. I can totally envision him growing more fond of her someday and letting down walls. I can tell he's important to the writers, but I'm wary he's being set up as a future love interest and I don't currently know anything about him that would justify Hazel being attracted to him because all I've seen so far is him being grumpy and her glaring at him.

-> Also, I'm getting the feeling that Dev doesn't have a healthy understanding of relationships, family life, or boundaries, and I would be afraid for Hazel.

I think I forgot to say it, but everyone's phones had a D logo implying they're a Dimmadome product, which I like.

I feel like Dev needs some healthy relationship modeling from Cosmo and Wanda (or Hazel's parents). I'll be curious to see if we go in that direction.

Where are we in the timeline?

I love that this is a show about Hazel. I'm really enjoying this- I think I'm glad we're not getting a "children of the main cast" cliche (and we didn't get a total reboot where we redo Timmy's childhood and pretend the OG series didn't happen). This is very funny for me.

Since Dale was older than Timmy, I'm getting the vibe that we're a few years before Tommy and Tammy get their godparents. So... are they gonna show up, or is Timmy gonna be single with no kids if he ever appears, which I'm betting he will eventually. Or do I have my timeline wrong?

"Channel Chasers" future is canon in my Cloudlands AU, and this is generally the accepted future for the series. Keep in mind that's the angle I'm talking from here.

Assuming CC is canon, it's confirmed Timmy has his kids really young (20 years after he buries the time capsule at age 10, his kids dig it up and they seem to be close to his age, so somewhere between, like... 7 and 10), so Timmy would've been 20 to 23.

It's not unreasonable for Dale to have his kids at a much older age, so I will totally accept Hazel being either older or younger than Tammy and Tommy; it doesn't matter to me (although if they're retconned out of existence by having Timmy show up as a childless man combined with clearer timeframe confirmation, I'll be surprised).

I also want to be clear upfront that my canon for Timmy's future in Cloudlands AU is that he has his kids with Molly ("Wishing Well"). They later split, leaving him open to marry either Trixie or Timmy (but it's ambiguous in my 'fics so the reader can decide). That way, I get to enjoy Molly, Tommy and Tammy get to be in a rough patch when Cosmo and Wanda show up, Timmy's struggling emotionally but he's not a terrible dad long-term, and fans of Trixie or Tootie can have the endgame because I don't mind. tl;dr - Timmy has been shipped with Tootie in some other spin-off media, like the "Fairly Odd Summer" trilogy. I don't treat that trilogy as canon in my 'fics, but we know from "Channel Chasers" that it's implied Timmy has Tommy with a black-haired person or Tommy's adopted, and the latter seems unlikely since both kids look so much like him. So if New Wish has Timmy show up and heavily implies he's with either Trixie or Tootie, that's totally fine within Cloudlands AU canon. But he does flirt with Molly in my 'fics and they are so cute and making her Kevin's step-sister was one of the best ideas I've ever had because it makes family vacations fantastic, so get wrecked <3

But I feel like they're really baiting us with Timmy stuff (Showing several adults that look like Timmy, but confirming behind the scenes "That's not Timmy," putting him on posters, using him as a school mascot, etc.) It's very in-character for this universe since even in the OG series, Timmy's likeness was sometimes used by other characters, but... I'm a little nervous.

Cosmo and Wanda didn't seem to look back on their time with Timmy as fondly as I would've expected. I'm glad we're getting a fun cartoon with a new person, but I hope we're not going a "nudge, nudge, Timmy was a horrible person and fans are dumb for looking at him fondly or wanting him around" angle.

-> That kid was 10, working through childhood trauma, and struggled a lot in life. That's literally the point, and expecting him to be as well-adjusted as Hazel would be asking a lot of him- Their backstories and home lives are very, very different.

I'm getting the sense that we're making allusions to the old show (even obscure ones that surprised me, like a Flappy Bob cameo, super specific Fairy interior design details, or "Terrible Twosome" throwback). The writers have done a good job of picking out the parts they liked and using them as their canon, but I get the feeling we're not going to have references to Sparky, Chloe, Roy, or Viv.

Which is fine, because I understand they were late in the series and a lot of people didn't receive them well (Me included). I just hope they're not treated like they're dumb or something to be erased from history, y'know?

I have absolutely no issues with them not showing up. I do expect a Timmy cameo someday, but it would not bother me at all if we didn't see Chloe. But like, I don't want them written out of the canon IF we specifically look back at the canon. If for some reason we recapped every godkid Timmy had interacted with and we were mysteriously missing Chloe, I'd give you a really weird look, slkfdj.

-> If our canon is that Roy and Viv didn't happen, I'm fine with that because it's a spin-off. But Chloe was mainline canon and this show has already made clear it's grabbing canon from across the whole series (including seasons as late as 9) and not just focusing on the early seasons, so... I'll just have some questions if we write her out of existence, lol.

New personalities? Anti-Fairies?

Where I'm at in my binge, there have been no Anti-Fairies. I'm expecting them to show up because it seems likely we'd get a Friday the 13th episode. I feel like the Anti-Fairies have regularly been the most popular characters of the series in the fandom and they played a big role in later seasons, so I'm sure that writers who have done so much research that they've found details I consider obscure to the average viewer are gonna give us Anti-Fairies. I can't imagine they wouldn't.

And I'm NERVOUS, lol.

So, one thing that I've always thought is that Anti-Fairies were planned to be one-off characters. After their Season 2 debut, they don't appear until Season 5. My personal thought is that Anti-Wanda got slapped with a "cheap and easy" personality without a lot of thought behind it; compare her recolored design with Anti-Cosmo's fully detailed fleshed-out design. I'm super curious to see if she'll get rebooted to be a better parallel of Wanda.

I've played her in my 'fics as being grubby to parallel Wanda's mob upbringing. I still write her with what from the outside may seem like lower intelligence, though in my 'fics I specifically have her being raised in an Anti-Fairy zoo enclosure until her young adulthood, and grew up fluent in her people's native language. It's not that she's stupid, really... She just grew up with limited contact with the outside world, so converting her thoughts for a bustling society is a struggle. I try not to make her a statement of intelligence, though she can be self-deprecating when she compares herself to others.

Like, I can literally see this going either way. I would be totally in favor of giving Anti-Wanda a reboot, because I love her very dearly and tbh I kind of prefer her over Anti-Cosmo... but I will always support taking a second look at the "idiot Southerner with a drawl" stereotype. If she gets freshened up so she's not played as so dumb, or still dumb but less Southern, I'd be fine with that. It's... not a great trope.

Nerd alert incoming - Yes, it's mostly me rambling about how much I love the Pixies & Gary and Betty because I want my feelings written down before any chance of them showing up.

-> Once upon a time, I would not have dreamed my faves might show up, but now that we've gotten a Flappy Bob cameo, I have to prepare for anything.

Okay... so. It's Anti-Cosmo whose potential reboot personality concerns me most, and for purely selfish reasons 😂. In my personal opinion, fanon Anti-Cosmo is surprisingly different from canon Anti-Cosmo. I'm pretty sure they're going to reboot him as a sexy evil villain, because that's what the majority of people think he is. Even though he's a total dork and rebooting him as a suave, confident smooth-talker feels incorrect to me.

Riddle's unpopular opinion: The personality I've seen many people portray Anti-Cosmo with in fan content feels closer to the personality the Head Pixie has than it feels to Anti-Cosmo. If H.P. were younger with the exact same personality he has in the OG show, people would give him the "sexy bad boy" treatment they give Anti-Cosmo. They just don't because he's old </3

Yes, H.P. is ALSO a goofball. He likes cosplay, breakdancing, and he's often either at a rave or bemoaning that he's not at a rave. He only has a few episodes and his love for raves and clubbing comes up in at least 3 of them. But he's the one doing the classic "evil villain" stuff like signing contracts, pulling puppet strings, torturing people with shock collars, and finding loopholes.

H.P. sets up long-term plans. He's calculating, meticulous, and he's one of the sassiest and most confident characters in the entire series. Happy Peppy Gary and Betty literally have a direct phone line to Sanderson, presumably under H.P.'s influence since he's the boss.

Like, that is explicitly canon and it's my favorite background detail in the show. The Pixies thought ahead and gave them a phone. Gary and Betty were in on the plan and knew about magic. At bare minimum they knew they were working for people called Pixies.

Sidebar: Even in their episodes before the Musical, it's implied Gary and Betty know more about magic than the average human. They had laser-eyed unicorn mobiles that formed cages. They somehow got from Florida (implied by Gary's use of the word "gator" and confirmed by this episode's script) to California (Dimmsdale's confirmed state) before end of workday, implying they returned through non-human means. -> Also in their debut episode, they literally went to outer space with Mark, were chill about it, and offered him snacks; idk what to tell you. They're my everything. H.P. seems to have meticulously set up a lot of things and it's so funny to me. -> Also this is very non-canon in the finalized series, but in the OG script of the Musical, it's implied Gary and Betty took the Pixies hostage, and also they seem to be friends with Imaginary Gary. They're heavily implied to sing his villain song with him (where he blatantly reveals he's Imaginary Gary), and it's HILARIOUS. Can you even imagine? He was their boss in that version of the script. I can't deal. That's so funny; he's like 5. Was he even paying them or did they just think he was fun? I just need all the lovely new followers I've gained since I started posting about New Wish to understand how not normal I am about the Learnatorium crew. If you've ever wondered why I write about them so much... I just think they're neat! <3 -> Btw for anyone wondering, you can find some early-season scripts on Fred Seigbert's Scribd. It's painfully difficult to navigate, so I suggest Scribd's search bar instead of his profile. For easier reading, I keep screenshots of the things I find most interesting on my blog, tagged #original script. I figure if you've read this far, you might be into quirky FOP lore, so run... be free. I think I've read them all, so all the funny moments are on my blog. There are some lovely gems in there... There's a deleted scene from "Totally Spaced Out" where Gary and Betty tried to ditch their jobs and flee to Mexico, a deleted scene of Mark and Vicky lovingly holding hands in the nursing home while he's in squid form, and a deleted scene from "Oddlympics" of Jorgen, Anti-Cosmo, and H.P. dressing up as cowboys and in dresses. Juandissimo has early lore about his fear of Cosmo. There's a storyboard for "Anti-Poof" in there somewhere.

Anyway, the point is, I enjoy H.P. a lot. Listen, I've been a huge fan of this guy for 8 years; I love him to death. He's very sassy. He purposely messes with Jorgen's head and Jorgen loses his temper over it. He jumps through hoops to do things right, he wields loopholes to do things wrong, and he tortures people because, in his own words, "It's hilarious."

-> In my mind, HE is the manipulative schemer that Anti-Cosmo often gets remembered as. Where's my sexy bad boy H.P. fanart? Surely it was someone's job to show me that /jk

And there is nothing wrong with portraying A.C. as a sexy bad boy. They can both be sexy bad boys. I'm explaining how I read him in my incredibly specific take, but others might not read him this way. A.C. does a good job of pretending to be a sexy bad boy, but I personally enjoy when he's also portrayed as a dork and I want to talk about that because it's my post.

So, honestly... I think Anti-Cosmo is scared of Jorgen. He never challenges people directly, instead using disguises or hiding behind social events like the "Oddlympics." He lets H.P. take charge in his own castle. He can barely discipline his own son (and when he does, Foop ignores him). A.C. throws temper tantrums on the ground, kicking and shrieking and breaking stuff when things don't go his way. And I LOVE him for it.

But he's not a suave bad boy in my mind, lol. I mean, he tries, and sometimes he pulls it off, but he's definitely not sweet or charming. He's a tantrum-throwing baby who yells at his wife <3 and only holds her hand during "When Nerds Collide" if you pause in time to catch it.

You know how I said Jorgen is a twist on expectations? Anti-Cosmo's whole thing is that people think he's cool and smart, but it's a façade. In his debut episode, Timmy outsmarted him very easily. It doesn't surprise me at all that Anti-Cosmo took a step back in later seasons and Foop became our main Anti-Fairy. Because it's totally in-character for Foop to go looking for trouble, and it's totally in-character for A.C. to... not do that.

A.C. is an introvert who needs a reason to leave the house. Foop likes running around, causing trouble. It's great. You can see so much of Anti-Wanda in Foop and it's funny to me.

I like how A.C. sometimes wanders off and forgets what he's doing. I mean, that's how Timmy defeated him in "When Nerds Collide"- His friends coaxed him into meandering off on his own. He charges headfirst into things despite consequences. He throws things, including his wand. He runs away from confrontation. He jumps on tables. He makes paper airplanes. His wife mocks him for having dorky X-ray goggles he bought from the back of a comic book. He's a goofball.

Again, they are both goofballs- A.C. and H.P. Every villain is a goofball: Norm spends his time out of his lamp eating ice cream and getting his dry cleaning handled, H.P. likes to party, A.C. can't sit still, Sanderson prioritizes music above villainy, Crocker is more silly than spooky, Foop is a baby who needs naps and playtime, and Kevin ping-pongs between self-deprecation and giddy overconfidence.

Anti-Cosmo does come across as a bad boy sometimes. I'll be very surprised if we don't see Anti-Cosmo's return since he's a popular character and I think people are into his British bad boy vibe, but like...

Since it's my speculation post, I just really need to say that if they change his personality so he's now super charming and sassy with no signs of the temper, dorkiness, or cowardice that's always lurked in him, I'll be sad... because I like my tantrum-throwing baby who shakes his wife up and down when he's stressed. And this man was not the sharpest tack when it came to sass, sdfklj.

I totally suspect New Wish will reboot him as a total sexy, suave villain because honestly, that's probably the way he's remembered. Which is okay, but if he does return, I will miss my silly comics-loving geek who can't stand up to a newborn, writes notes with brightly colored pens he changes every sentence, and jumps on tables during fancy dinners. He's so goofy. I hate him (/affectionate).

-> And if we bring back Anti-Fairies, but throw the Pixies aside because "Eh, they're boring," it will be a crying shame. I will accept it, but you will find me standing with a confused look on my face as I swing my hands to gesture between Anti-Cosmo and H.P.

-> There's nothing wrong with bringing back A.C. and not H.P.! The Anti-Fairies are beloved and stick in people's memories well, I'm sure. But also, H.P. is my favorite in the whole series. He's incredibly sassy, manipulative, meticulous, and hilarious.

Where else can I find an old man who drops the line "The only thing you'll be eating is my dust!" before jumping on a scooter and blasting off with a shout of "Later, dude!" Or the old man who gets distracted because he'd rather be at a rave. Or elbows Timmy in the side with a smug smile and asks if his pizza tasted better than "Jorgen's slice of pure rabbit droppings."

This is the man who danced and sang "Go me, go me, it's my birthday." It's heavily implied the main reason he's a villain is because he's too obsessive compulsive to watch the world fall apart around him. That's hilarious. He literally took over the world and the first thing he did was go home and get drunk. He's a fantastic character and I should say it.

-> I'm not gonna be mad if we get an Anti-Cosmo reboot and kick the Pixies into the sun. I'll just be /pensive emoji about it. Also, I rambled about this mainly because I've gained a surprising amount of new followers recently, and if you're new here... I just think you deserve a warning about what you're getting into with my blog. I love him so much.

In conclusion... IF we get the Pixies and H.P.'s been reduced to a dull and boring stereotype who lost his snark and love for parties, I'll be devastated and I'd rather have them not show up :')

... Also if H.P. is dead and Sanderson is now in charge because it's "the future," my head will be in my hands. If that happens, you can unfollow me right then because it's all I'll talk about /lh. I want my super sassy bossman, please and thank you.

I would miss the old H.P., but I would also be grateful for any Pixie scraps I'm given because they're my favorites. I cannot believe we got a Flappy Bob cameo in New Wish. Definitely not on my bingo board.

Well... There we go! My thoughts so far. I'm looking forward to seeing where the show goes, and I hope we get to see more of the things I want. These are very early thoughts!

Again, please don't spoil anything since I'm only up to "Trial or Hair-or," and please no grumpiness in my replies or inbox.

These are personal liveblog opinions from a long-time fan who's been avoiding spoilers since New Wish was hinted over a year ago. My opinions may change later if the show goes a new direction. I AM enjoying the show, but I also wanted to share what I like about the OG and what I'd like to see in New Wish's future.

Thanks!

[darkkitty1208]

on fic writing and fandom: where am i going forward?

So. It's a bloody dull Friday and I'm writing this post--have been meaning to, for a while--because I can't stop thinking about it. It's just a few (a lot, actually) thoughts I've had in my mind the past few days that I've decided to spill into a single post, which turned out far longer than it needed to be, but nothing too important. Under the cut.

I've been a fanfic writer for a while now. Not a long time by any means, but a while nonetheless. My first fic--which is now orphaned like a few of its brothers for undisclosed reasons, though if you're an og you might be able to guess why--was dated back to the 18th of November 2021. 3 years later and I've got a humble 89 works and counting (the orphaned works and unposted wips unincluded). I can safely say I've improved quite a lot since then.

Where are you going with this, then, Kitty? Surely you aren't here just to brag about your writing progress?

Well. Not exactly. But I'll start with this: I guess what I'm trying to say is I've lost the spark.

You know. The old feeling. That boost of serotonin you get after you finish a piece you're proud of, or when you get lovely reviews on ao3, or when you get a kudos email, or a new mutual, or some wild tags under your silly post. The spark. I haven't felt it in a long time, now. The last time it's been so palpable was... I'm not sure. Probably last year's October. That was a lot of fun. I was most prolific in fic writing, that year. It shouldn't feel like a long time ago. Because it wasn't.

Don't get me wrong. I love all this. All that's going on right now. The comments I'm getting--even if fewer than I had before--and all the other interactions, I appreciate and enjoy and love them so, so much. And writing my newer fic projects are well exciting. But it just isn't the same anymore. I'm afraid it never will be.

(Maybe it has something to do with the lack of interactions lately. Maybe? I don't really know, either. I'm sure we're all well aware the fandom is past its peak, and with the current developments in the MCU I am frankly unsurprised, but I dunno.)

I guess that's part of the reason I've been less active lately. I've been inactive as a whole this year, admittedly, and disappearing far too often for far too long (and I notice some of my friends are, too). I just didn't get the same joy from being in a fandom like I had when I first started this blog, or my ao3 account.

In hindsight, I've probably been a little too dependent on fandom to provide me serotonin. The past few years have been hard, the years before that, too. Life just keeps kicking me in the arse time and time again. I guess I've been using fandom and fic writing as a coping mechanism, and once I've had my fill, the joy dies off to something a little more dull. Like a gum I've been chewing for too long that the sweetness has since worn off.

Honestly? I don't want it to be this way. I want to live without being so dependent on my presence online. I want to live without only knowing joy through internet interactions. I've got to learn to. It sounds silly, but it's true. (I think I may be slightly chronically online, oh no. x'D)

So naturally my first instinct is to distance myself a little. I contemplated quitting, but I can't do that. I don't see myself ever doing that, no matter how many times my brain convinces me that I might.

When this year started, I had set some goals for writing. One of them was to write for more whumptober prompts than I did last year or complete them all. I did like 21 prompts or something last year. Of 31. Within a little more than a month. While still balancing all the life stuff I had going on. This is, if not obvious, an extremely ambitious goal. I am not insane. I don't know what I was thinking. I can't possibly do that now, can I? Not with all the stuff that's been happening.

...

Can I?

...

Yeah, no. Definitely not.

See, that's another thing: writing. Probably the thing I'm trying to get at in this post but otherwise derailed completely from. Fuck my brain.

I'm sure many of you have noticed that I've been writing significantly less. I still post, obviously, but not as much as like, last year when the number of works I had went from a few to far too much. That had helped me improve quite a lot, actually, but those days I barely slept because I just insisted to replace my sleep time with Writing Shit For The Gays. It was pretty unhealthy now that I look back at it. My sleep schedule is still shit now but, yk. Some things just never change.

I was really, really caught up on wanting to be good at writing. Like, really good. I wanted to make awesome things. I wanted to write like a real fucking pro. Like all the more popular fandom authors I look up to. I want to be like the big dogs in fandom. It sounds so silly. I did everything; sprinting daily, setting a minimum of 500 words writing sessions every day, trying new writing styles, churning out works after works, writing for prompts and events and gifts and the like. I was enjoying it, yes, but was it really something I did for myself? Or was it because I wanted to please other people or impress other people for their validation, which is something I'm entirely too dependent of? Was it for the numbers?

Well. It was more for that than for me, I realised a little too late.

So yeah. Fuck wanting to be good. I want to write for the hell of it. I want to write something that's for me. Not what the majority of the fandom or other people want to read, but for me. Which is why I absolutely loved writing works like just a matter of time, how to kill a god, or how to become a god, because they're not meant for other people but myself. (Ironically that last work is a gift but, yk. I still liked it.) I know I joke about self-projecting a lot, but it's been seriously helping me rediscover the joy of writing that doesn't come from the incessant need to be good or perfect or focus on producing more and more and more. It makes me feel like a kid again. Also, I'm only realising this now but I'd rather get like 5 people who enjoy reading my works so much and express them to me rather than 100 people who silently thumbs up at me and then go away to consume another fic or demand more. (All this to say I still love interactions, it just shouldn't be my no. 1 priority to get them when writing fanfics.)

But yeah. None of those works are perfect. They're not meant to be. But they're mine. They're me. They represent me. And it's so, so great to feel that in writing. I've been so stuck up on being some sort of content machine. I'm doing this for myself, how could I forget? I've been saying this since the beginning, I don't know why I'm still struggling to do it. God. It's ridiculous.

Anyway. That's that. This has become a very long ramble. Thank you for listening to my Ted Talk. And for letting me waste your time, if you make it to the end of this post.

[battleonthebigbridge]

Hey.

For Ace, 1, 11, 16, 25, and... 30. (Confession, that Hark, A Vagrant strip where Poe gets a letter from Jules Verne, I've got a version that lives in my Head that's Ace going "Ardbert! Who delivered this letter, it smells like catnip.")

*puts Dion in a jar and shakes him a little* 2, 9, 20

ASK GAME

GOD OK... Staring at all these numbers like bestie you've really cut my work out for me.

ACE

1 - She sounds like Alfred from Fire Emblem Engage. This is literally the only comment I can make on this topic. I can't describe it. They just do.

11 - I wouldn't say there was really an inspiration for Ace. Originally he was just the avatar I played XIV with, took me a long while before I actually started making lore for her. And it's changed A LOT since I first started. I guess my main inspiration of making lore for Ace was how much I loved the NPCs surrounding Ace, Ardbert in particular, and it made me want to make a character that could properly interact with these NPCs that I was so fond of.

16 - Ace's parents are both dead. His mother died during childbirth so he never got to meet her. She always carried guilt about it though, considering themselves the one that had killed her. Ace was raised by her father and loved him a lot, they had a really good bond. But he got ill and fell during The Naadam. While Ace carried the Dotharl belief of rebirth, the grief is what compelled him to leave the Azim Steppe and journey to Eorzea.

25 - Oh for sure. Ace is always humming away. She cannot sing for the life of him but she loves music and the festivities that it brings.

30 - (THAT'S SO CUTE HELP) BUT FOR FRIENDSHIP Ace is very good at it. She's a people person through and through so no matter who the OC is chances are Ace can pick them up and swing them around with a stupid big smile on his face.

DIAN

2 - Dian's best friend would be Arenvald! This is touched upon in his lore page but Dian met Arenvald after Arenvald had been thrown out by his mother. So, Dian took it upon himself to support and take care of him. They both ended up fleeing the city after Dian's Echo awakened by while Arenvald ended up with the Scions, they were separated and Dian ended up spending the majority of his youth in Little Ala Mhigo. But they were reunited later on after the plan to summon Rhalgr failed and Dian was taken in by the Scions as well.

9 - Lol. Lmao even. Dian's not too hopeless, he works hard to improve his physical strength and tends to eat well enough. But as a whole? No he does not take care of his health at all. I touched upon it in this answer where Dian is very much moving towards an early death due to the effect that his time magic has on his body and the density of his soul. It's a lot for him to carry and it has definitely resulted in a lot of pains and degradation.

20 - Dian's weapon of choice... That's a tough one tbh. Obviously he has a few magic staffs at his disposal, but he also has a lot of gadgets and firearms that he makes as part of his job at the Ironworks. Because of this his fighting style is kind of a mix of Black Mage and Machinist (by the game's standards) but Dian is also a believer that if you want something done right sometimes you just have to use your fists to fight it out. He doesn't really have a set weapon, it depends on what the situation calls for.

[araminthe]

8 October, Tuesday 2024

Ouffffff

Last time I updated was almost a month ago and let me tell you that sooo much has happened.

(Needed to take some time for myself, and so much happened, didn't have the energy, nor felt the need to share on tumblr)

So,

Main events of the previous month:

- Had multiple outings with friends and family, was soo much fun, made some life memories ♡

- School started, I had to start this year in a degree I don't like, but hey I met soo much girls/friends and we happened to have so much in common, imagine my surprise when I discover thar one of them knows my cousin 🤨, so guess those 3 weeks in this degree were worth it ✨️✨️

- Now, the NEWS I was expecting since the start of september, I wanted to change studies to go into science and I GOT ACCEPTED. Well I have almost 3 weeks of classes to catch up on but at least I LOVE what I'm learning and studying. I definitely did not feel that in my previous degree, but now it's like I can finally exploit my skills and knowledge. I feel like im in the right field. Youhouuu! 🎉

(I'm also on the same campus than a cousin of mine and 2 close friends, isn't everything soo great? I rarely saw them before but now we often cross paths hehe, that's one of the perks of studying in the city you grew up in)

- I also met with multiple close friends I hadn't seen for a long time so it's also a positive note.

- Today, I had my first driving lesson, I never drove a car before so I will have to take between 30 and 35 hours of lesson.

Almost 60euros per lesson, oh gosh that's so expensive 💀💀💀💀

And my cousin only had to drive 20hours. HAAAAAA. *expressing frustration

And omg the instructor literally tried to intimidate me, I think she was testing me, she invaded my personal space, and I was like "Hehe alright when do we start " 😀 Ughh, help.

- I also watched the 2nd season of jjk, and damn gege, stop making the fans suffer.

(I never watch animes even tho I love them, so for me that was also an accomplishment)

Anddd that's it I guess.

Now

Personal goals:

Did I stop scrolling? No, but I'm not extremely addicted anymore, I can stop and not be distracted when I study so it means I improved on that point.

Those last 6 months struggles paid off it means 😁

(But I need to be careful to not fall back into it, I think it could easily happen)

I'm also including short exercices in my routine.

Stretching more often.

I still don't eat healthy, on this aspect I'm doing really bad at the moment 😓

But, I can study without distractions and actually work my lessons, that's a W.

What else could I mention?

Sleep: I have a nice sleep schedule now, I managed to sleep early almost every night and wake up early in the mornings, I feel rested and great.

Mental health: I think it's adulthood doing that to me but I've started to go from optimistic to pessimistic. I discovered lots of new negative feelings during the last year, I don't like how I'm changing negatively.

I guess I just had a taste of reality, not everything's perfect, neither are people, I guess I've started to come out of my bubbly wrapped pink dusted innocent view of life. Welcome to reality as they say. People are not as nice as I had always thought. I'm starting to not like people. But I only became 19 recently after all, i feel like a child mentally, am I not 1 year old in adulthood?

Anyway, I just want to be nice for the sake of it, does it mean they will see me as naive ans stupid? Well I am not, I just chose to be kind.

Let me fight evil with kindness.

Also need to work on my faith, because without it I lose my inner peace.

And to finish, let's talk about health; well, health wise I'm really not doing great. I really can't handle the humidity in my city and everyday I feel like im about to have a heart attack in the sense that I feel this humidity in my head, heart, bones, nose, throat, EVERYDAY. I really don't feel great, and I KNOW that's its because of how humid everything is.

I'm even 80% sure that it's because of the humidity that I developed so much allergies. Screw bad healthcare and bad doctors, in 6 years, couldn't they tell me that I was suffering everyday single day because I had developed so many allergies? Maybe it should have been obvious when I told them that I sneezed literally hundreds of times per day and had a very runny nose every day of the year FOR 6 YEARS

(I feel resentment)

Well.

Overall life has been 70% positive, 30% negative.

So much great things happened and I'm really happy but life's not easy for anyone and like any lambda human, I have my deal of problems.

But well, I think our purpose as humans is to keep trying to BE better and DO better.

So I won't give up, for the sake of my own life.

And we always have more good things in life than bad, others sometimes even have it worse, we just need to be open minded enough to see all the great things that have been granted to us.

Goodnight people.

N'abandonne pas, ça va aller <3

Crois en toi et continue à faire des efforts ✨️

[ofliterarynature]

MARCH 2024 WRAP UP

[loved liked ok nope dnf (reread) bookclub*]

Supernova • The Last Unicorn • Cahokia Jazz • (Heartstopper Vol 1)* • The Hero of Ages • Godkiller • Humanly Possible • Traveller’s Joy • The Well of Ascension • Babel-17 • The Final Empire • Loot • The Death I Gave Him

Finished: 11 books (9 audio, 1 print, 1 ebook)

Not many books this month but by god I read THREE Brandson Sandersons, so -

I guess I may as well start with Sanderson while we're here. I promised a mutual years ago (who's sadly left tumblr) that I would read Mistborn and it's probably been at least half a decade but I did it Lourdes! I've read a few one-off Sandersons before, but nothing I fell in love with. The Final Empire definitely had some issues, some things felt a little off, but overall I think I liked it! Except those things did not then improve in the next two books, and by book 3 I was dragging and solidly decided that I wouldn't continue past the original trilogy. I was so mad at that ending y'all, and if the mixed vibes from the copy for the next books wasn't enough that definitely sealed the deal lmao. Happy for the people who like him but it's not really my vibe. (but god, did it remind me how much I love big, grand, epic fantasies. I really need to find a good one). 3 stars

Babel-17 (3 stars) - idk, I think I found this on a rec list for sci-fi about linguistics? Which it sort of was, maybe, ostensibly. It was weird in that old sci-fi way and I kind of wish I'd DNF'd it when I originally considered it.

Traveller's Joy (5 stars)- look I will never say no to more in the Greenwing & Dart series, especially if it's my good good boy Hal. Not to mention more info about the immediate post-college times, and an outside POV on Jemis (Jemis my dude I love you so much but you are not a reliable narrator). Victoria picked a great piece of canon to explore!

Humanly Possible: Seven Hundred Years of Humanist Freethinking, Inquiry, and Hope (4 stars) - I've been wanting to read this since I first heard about it (and Humanist thought in general), and while it was interesting and I'm glad I read it, I found my attention drifting a lot. It spent a lot of time in the early/distant periods of humanist thought, which ended up not really being what I wanted - I think I'm more interested in the modern Humanist movent, but at least I know I'm on the right track!

Godkiller (4.5 stars) - It was great! It was kind of idk, epic fantasy with fairy tale and D&D vibes sort of? My brain is throwing out T Kingfisher and Robin McKinley for comps, but I'm not sure if that's accurate. A great one for fans of less-than-benevolent voices in the back of your head that are nonetheless very concerned for your well being! A solid 4/4.5 stars from me, it switched pov a little to often and didn't stick well in my head as well afterward as I'd have liked. Can't wait to get the next book!

Heartstopper (5 stars) - so cute! at least half the people who have ever come to book club at some point have said they loved this, so since we're in our graphic novel era it just made sense! I read a good chunk of the comic online ages ago and it's still great (and much easier when not fighting my wifi to load pages lol)

Cahokia Jazz (5 stars) - y'all I lost my fucking MIND OVER THIS ONE. Absolutely going to be one of my top books of the year. I'm such such a sucker for books about an outsider trying to find themself, their place, and reconnect with their culture, and hnnnnnng it was so good! Not always easy, but I loved it. I sobbed over that ending so much, I had to get up at work and go hide in the restroom for a bit and couldn't stop tearing up for the next week. Warning that the opening is pretty gory/crime novel/these-cops-are-corrupt vibes that *did* almost make me dnf (GASP), but it gets so much better I promise. Give Joe a chance, he's got hidden depths.

The Last Unicorn (3.5 stars) - It was ok? I didn't really get into it and was glad it was short, but I'm sure if I'd gotten my hands on this as a kid I'd have read it 10x times. I've also never seen the movie. I'm debating if I want to keep my copy for future niblings, but probably not.

Supernova (3 stars) - finally, I am DONE with this series. I admit, the second book almost got me and had me reconsidering if I should keep my copies after all, but this one yanked me back to reality. The undercurrents of ethics/morals/philosophy? to this series are fascinating, but uh, I'm not sure the author is aware of them as much as I was? Because the ending was fine, but all of these questions it felt like the series was raising were just ignored or pushed past. Not a bad series, just don't think about anything too hard.

DNF's

Loot - I was here for the automaton tiger and clockmaking, but that wasn't really the focus? I'm not quite sure what was, actually, I dropped this pretty quick between that, not liking the writing style, or the narrator's voice.

The Death I Gave Him - I was SO sad to give this one up. It's told through excerpts and transcripts and all sorts of things pieced together that hint at events in the future, which is one of my favorite things!!!! Except I don't know shit about Hamlet, and it was giving more psychological-thriller vibes and less murder-mystery, and I wasn't really having fun. It made me want to reread Sarah Gailey's The Echo Wife.

[jamiesfootball]

Answer the questions and tag five fanfiction authors you know!

Tagged by @asteria-argo and @altschmerzes

EDIT- I DEFINITELY TAGGED THE RIGHT PEOPLE THE FIRST TIME

1. How many fandoms have you written in?

24 going back to college, more before that. Unless you mean written in published, in which case 3

2. How many years have you been writing fanfiction?

I wrote my first thing at 10

3. Do you read or write more fanfiction?

Up until last year, read by far. But since I've started more focused writing I have woefully fallen behind on the reading. Right now I'm reading about 3 small fics / updated chapters a week.

4. What is one way you've improved as a writer?

Outlining comes a lot easier now than previously. That used to be the most intimidating part, but I've learned now how to keep myself in a trajectory. If there's truly something else I want to explore but that doesn't fit within the outline, then that can simply happen in another fic.

5. What's the weirdest topic you researched for a writing project?

I have no semblance of weird any more. But I did read an entire book on foot injuries with absolutely gruesome photos of foot fungi infections.

6. What's your favourite type of comment to receive on your work?

I love it when it feels like the person commenting resonated with something I wrote. It doesn't have to be long (though I do really love that), but a certain amount of passion behind the comment is always lovely to see.

7. What's the most fringe trope/topic you write about?

I'm currently rotating a time travel au of characters from a fic set in the future coming back to visit characters during the early seasons of the show. This one is fringe because only I would know what the fuck is going on with half the cast.

8. What is the hardest type of story for you to write?

You know how there is a sub-genre of fic where a character basically gets to have their day calling everyone else out on their behaviour about some canon-gripe? Those fics. I just can't do it. I can read them, but writing them always feels too mean. Also nihilism for the sake of nihilism. I think it's because in both scenarios, it would require curbing my inner need to fix whatever is going on.

9. What is the easiest type?

I! Like! Fixing! Things! In! A! Canon! Compliant! Way! Or at least, like, canon install-able. You can install canon into this and it won't break too bad.

10. Where do you do your writing? What platform? When?

Right now I'm still using Living Writer despite not liking it very much (for a variety of reasons) because while I meant to switch over, I got overwhelmed exporting everything and missed the renewal date. So stuck with that another year I guess. But the big thing for me is to have cloud and offline access, and this does that.

11. What is something you've been too nervous/intimidated to write, but would love to write one day?

I finally started outlining on of my original fiction projects! Huzzah! It's going to be longer than I thought help

12. What made you choose your username?

Dyslexia and a writing typo

I tried snooping around to see who got tagged already, but my dash was freaking long today. If you've not been tagged, consider yourself so, thanks!

[reversemoon255]

Digimon Xros Figures Cyberdramon

I know this is not a very liked redesign, especially since Ryo's Cyberdramon is so beloved, but this figure actually made me really appreciate what they were trying to do. Mine has been heavily repainted, but the original version where all the purple was still silver made me realize the transparent parts with tech greeble underneath are in the same locations. They're actually surprisingly similar on a closer inspection. If the heads were closer, I think more people would have given the new one a chance. It probably also would have helped if they were more heavily featured in the show, since Cyberdramon had significantly less air time than every other character featured in the Xros Figure line. I think Cyber Launcher only appeared in the anime once...

The Good: This is a fairly posable figure, with joints all down the torso, legs, and tail, balls in the arms, and a bit of movement in the wings and head. And Cyber Launcher is actually a bit more versatile than the other combinations, able to free stand on its own, so it can be used by any Digimon, or other toy you might have lying around.

The Bad: While Cyberdramon has a lot of joints, the lack of specifically a neck joint (due to transformation) makes it hard for it to look particularly dynamic while posing. The tail, also, can only move up-and-down. While it tried, it doesn't reach the same level of individuality that Beelzebemon manages.

Also, combining into MetalGreymon + Cyber Launcher doesn't feel great. In order to plug its neck vent into the chest and have MetalGreymon bite the spear, you're almost forced to flex the spear. If you're careful it's not bad, but I could definitely see kids bending that thing permanently or not having the patience to get it right.

The Details: Cyberdramon required to heaviest amount of work to get it screen accurate of any of the figures I've handled so far. Knowing that toy production takes several months, it makes me wonder how down to the wire the changes to its designs were before the show started? We know some Digimon, like ZekeGreymon, went through last minute changes as well.

Anyway, from top to bottem, I repainted the silver areas on Cyberdramon purple, and dotted them with pink to match the jelly-like texture of the official art. On the face and parts of the tail, I also added a red lining, as those are present throughout Cyberdramon's design, but too difficult to implement everywhere. I also color matched and repainted its cheeks and knees the same blue as the rest of the figure.

I painted the wings red to brighten them up, and added red to the inside of the palms. A lot of elements to the stomach and pelvis were incorrect, so I adjusted those with silver. I painted the tail's teeth, interior cannon, backs of the legs, and heels silver, and dotted their cannons with black. And finally, though I did this first (and can be seen on the unpainted Cyberdramon), I panel lined the deeper details to bring them out more.

Overall, while this isn't the greatest figure, it does serve its purpose, and I had a lot of fun improving its screen accuracy. I've actually managed to snag all but one of the Xros Figures at this point, and I'm pretty sure you can guess who I'm missing...

[artscloudy]

hi!!! i love ur &team fics i think you write the members so well😭😭!! could i pls request a k oneshot (preferably on the longer side but wtv you are okay with doing!!) inspired by the song daylight or mastermind by taylor swift? maybe idol au too idrm? but complete creative reign to you!!! thank u smmmmm

Hello dear <3 Ngl writing this was a challenge and I loved every second of it. And thank you for the compliment!!!

The songs screamed to me to write this, but it's not really long, sorry...

Anyways, I hope you enjoy <3

A long night

I've been sleeping so long in a twenty-year dark night, and now I see daylight, I only see daylight.

It was all my design, 'cause I'm a mastermind.

Gender: female Warnings: i guess none

You kind of stumble around while you try to catch your breath. How the heck does the coreographer create those insanely difficult coreographies is beyond you. You can barely breath after a whole hour of dancing.

You've been trying to get this coreo right for the last week, but the problem is you don't seem to be making improvements.

You wipe your forehead with the sleeve of your long t-shirt and try to stand up properly. Thanking the teacher and greeting the other girls, you take back the sweather you discarded earlier and get out. Finally it's done.

It has been a really long and tiring day, but now you deserve your beloved coffee.

Are you going to sleep? Probably you'll not even try now since you need to go back and practice at least a little more. The next monthly evaluation is incredibly close, even if the last one feels like it was just yesterday. Therefore, the coffee is a good choice.

While you walk to the coffee shop, you try to keep yourself warm in your sweather. The weather's so cold during the night, but nights in Seoul are just something else. You've been here for a while now and the night never stops mesmerizing you for how pretty the streets are and how you feel loved: you, who's never been really loved by anyone before. You love practicing in the night, when the whole city is asleep and there's only you against the world, when you can take your time and fix every little detail with patience and love, taking care of yourself. A good coffee is all you need to keep going.

𓂃 𓂂 ⋆ ˳ْ  ˖ 𓂃

Coffee secured and ready to be drunk, you thank the guy at the register and take the wallet back.

Why doesn't this bag open? You curse in a low voice.

Your mum was right when she told you to get a bag that had a zip instead of such a complex type of lock, but when you got to the shop, this bag was definitely the prettiest.

While you fight with your bag, you are pushed sideways by a group of guys who are probably here to get a midnight ice-cream. You think for a monent to insult them or something, but in the end, you just side-eye the one who pushed you and keep trying to open your bag.

You end up on the floor, you don't even know how, but you probably bumped into someone and now your coffee is splashed everywhere, in particular on yourself. And the point is you can not even say anything because it's all your fault for not looking around.

"My shirt..." you look up and that's when you start to freak out. In front of you there's K.

He's one of the most popular guys in the whole company, and he was so popular even back in his trainee days, with the girls fangirling over him and desperatly trying to let him know how interested they were, even if it is not exactly allowed by your company. It's common for him to find a couple of sweets with handwritten letters here and there - he's even recieved one right in front of you just a couple of days ago.

But he's also really popular among guys for his perfect body and amazing personality. He's respectful towards superiors and teachers and even towards the other students and, when he works in a group, he leads well: just the perfect hyung.

You two had met before in random situations: once in the lobby of the company and you just bowed to each other and talked a bit - in a really, really embarassing small talk - once in a formal meeting and once in a training room. But you basically don't know him personally, except for all the voices about him.

Still, here he is, stunning and perfect as always and offering you a hand to lift you up the ground. And he's smiling to you, as if his shirt is not as stained as yours is - and it's all your fault. You can't even look at him in his eyes, but you remember from your previous encounters the warm color they have.

You accept the hand he is offering and you find it to be soft and gentle when holding yours; even his other hand that only slightly touches your side to help you regain your balance is delicate.

"I'm sorry for the coffee..." you try to tell him.

"Don't be, it's okay. I needed to wash it anyways after practice". And he laughs a bit. You smile in return, thankful for the fact he's not making it weight on you.

"I'm K by the way".

"Oh yes, I know". Ops.

"Do you?"

You'd like to slap yourself but you avoid doing so only because it would make the whole situation even worse. You opt to say the truth.

"Yes... you're kinda famous at the agency".

He laughs. You look at him in the eyes for the very first time since you spilled the coffee. You're probably red on your cheeks, since you feel them so warm. But he's just stunning while he laughs and thanks you for the judgement.

"Do you have time? We could take a coffee so you replace the one you dropped".

"Actually, I was thinking about practicing a little more" you tell him, feeling sorry to decline an invitation that would be every girl's (and boy's) dream.

"Oh, got it. The monthly evaluation is in just a week. You're a tough one. - he laughs - You must be the best trainee there".

And you feel a bit ashamed to confess that actually, you're one of the worst in your group. The teachers even told you that if you don't start improving faster, you could even never make it.

"And what's worst is that my weakness is dance. I can never get movements right and they are weak and I don't look catching while dancing".

"Ehy, I can definitely help you with that!"

"Oh no, I'm really terrible, I don't want to bother you".

"No, really, I'd love to help you. Dance is my specialty". He has an amused look in his eyes while he smirks to you and brushes his hair back with his hand.

Along with everything else, you think.

And just like that, the god of dance sent you an angel of dance to help your uncoordinated ass to debut.

And you agree to him helping you, pulling out all the courage you have inside to say yes and not to die there and then.

So, after ordering two more cups of coffee, he follows you back to the agency, trying to keep a low profile on the streets.

𓂃 𓂂 ⋆ ˳ْ  ˖ 𓂃

Once you get there, you both get changed, discarding the stained shirts and you show him the series of steps that you have to master for basically the next week.

He sits on the floor in a relaxed position, looking at you - in particular, focused on your body - with full attention.

"What's your action plan?"

"My action plan?"

"Yea, the strategy to master all of that in the short time you have".

"I don't have one".

"Y/n, if you fail to plan, you plan to fail. You need an action plan".

K stands up and, for just a split second , you think he's going to open the door, get out, and never come back again, but he actually just grabs a pen and some paper and come back to where you're sitting.

"Let's say we have five hours. You can practice the first chorus for the first hour. It's the most physically demanding part, and it probably weights the most during the evaluation, so we should definitely work on that first. And then we can focus on expression and..."

He keeps using "we": we should practice, we have time... You feel a bit warm in your chest to see how he takes helping you improve by the heart. He could be sleeping right now or practicing his own coreography for the comeback or anything, but he's here helping you. You can't fail.

𓂃 𓂂 ⋆ ˳ْ  ˖ 𓂃

"Y/n! Again!"

You've already been practicing for two hours and yes, the breaks are almost nonexistent, but till now he has kept it funny and light, with nice talking in between the practices and a lot of words of support.

The problem is this small sequence that he had to show you twice and then explain really slow and still you can't get it right.

He stands up and comes behind you.

You feel a rush of heat to your cheeks as soon as he comes closer.

"The leg should be bent like this, - he holds your knee and moves it a little downwards, causing shivers to start from your knee and reach your whole body - and your hand should reach your knee fastly this way". He grabs your hand and his touch is still as soft and gentle as earlier while he brings your hand to your knee, showing you the right timing.

"Why are you shivering, are you cold?"

You feel heat come up to your cheeks and you start mumbling some absolutely random words: "No, no, just a little tired..."

You look at the mirror to check the position he led uou into, but all you notice is your red face: you're blushing like crazy and that makes you even more embarassed. In the mirror, you meet K's eyes. A shiver runs up your spine again while you just can't move your eyes away from his face, so incredibly close to yours. His black hair partially covers his eyes and the hem of the tshirt leaves his neck exposed. He's just that attractive.

You can even feel his breath on your cheek when he speaks again: "Repeat this part again."

𓂃 𓂂 ⋆ ˳ْ  ˖ 𓂃

The music comes to a halt and you keep your final position for the standard three seconds.

"YAY, Y/n that was perfect!" He jumps and in a moment he is on his feet and hugging you.

For the first second you don't know how to react and the only thing you're thinking about is how sweaty you must be after all these training hours, but then you give in and hug him too.

Now you get why everyone says he has a warm personality.

He caresses your hair and then lets you go.

When you two are distant enough, you look into his eyes and see how much he's smiling to you, his cheeks just as red as yours are.

𓂃 𓂂 ⋆ ˳ْ  ˖ 𓂃

"Y/n, how far is your dorm?"

"Actually, I'd need to take the bus..."

"No way I'm letting you take the bus this late".

"Yes but how do I get there?"

"By car, of course. Jump in".

He stops near a car that bips segnaling it's now unlocked. It's a small black car, but seems to be in really good conditions.

"How is it possible that you always knew what I need?"

"I'm wonderful, I know" and shoots you an enormous smile.

𓂃 𓂂 ⋆ ˳ْ  ˖ 𓂃

"I love night car rides. They're magical". You two have all the windows down while he runs on the higway and you look outside at the lights that alternatively flash or shut and the brushes and the few other cars that pass you by in the opposite direction. You look at K, whose eyes are fixed on the road. You can see the shine in his dark pupils.

"They are. And what makes them special is the person you're with". And he shoots you a little look. You are a little puzzled, but cannot help but smile too.

For the rest of the ride you keep talking about your lives and you're surprised that K knows you so well, as if it's not the first time you two meet and laughs it off with the same excuse you used earlier: you're famous among trainees, but you know for sure it's a lie because you definitely are not that famous. He must have made researches about you and that thought only, even without a certainty, makes you shy. And then you two fall silent, but it feels comfortable nontheless.

"We're here" K looks out of his window to check the building you live in. Then turns to you.

"Thank you so much K, I can't express how much I needed this help and support. You seemed to have exactly anything I needed and to be exactly in the perfect place".

He laughs in a way that feels somehow awkward and then clears his throath: "Actually, there's something I must tell you." He is not looking at you anymore, while your eyes are fixed on him.

"The few times we met eachother have never neen fortunate accidents. I've always known where you were and desperatly tried to meet you."

You stay silent, hoping he continues. And he does: "The first encounter, at the company, when we first met, do you remember it? That was actually the only encounter I didn't plan and the one who went the worst, considering I just couldn't speak comfortably and made the whole thing embarassing". You laugh at the dear memory. You've never thought about how cute that first time was.

"And even tonight, I knew you'd go to that coffee shop and I knew your dancing lacked and you needed help".

"So you did foresee your tshirt splashed by coffee too?"

He laughs: "No, of course no!" And his answer made you laugh too.

"But I've wanted to meet you and speak this comfortably to you for so long. I just hope it's not too creepy". That's when he looks at you.

"K, it's not. I kinda figured out at some point - you smirk, while he sends you a puzzled look - becayse you knew too many things about me. Like, come on, you'd be a terrible spy. Anyways, seeing you, one of the most popular guys of the company, an amazing idol and an incredible person embarassed and shy like this... it's cute."

Then you turn your gaze down to your hands, unsure weather to continue or not, but after a while add: "And I kinda like you too".

He's still and looking at you for a while, but then, with the side of your eye, you see him moving closer to you, one hand still on the steering wheel. When you turn to look at him, his face is incredibly close to yours.

He leaves a soft peck on the side of your lips: it could be anything in between a respectful kiss on the cheek and an attempt to kiss you on the lips, but you don't complain.

"Y/n, if you'd like, we can meet again".

[supeson]

timid trust, still displaced

part one, part two, part three

You quit your job. Or more accurately, you get a better offer for the same job you're currently doing at another place in the city. It's also closer to The Daily Planet, so Clark uses it as an excuse to check on you more often. You start making a real effort to eat real food. You're still working on actually cooking and making fresh meals, but for now the frozen ready made ones you eat are enough. At least you're eating. It takes you a while, but you finally fall into a rhythm.

*

You decide to stop your antidepressants. You spend a whole session speaking to your therapist about it, weighing the pros and cons. Pro: you haven't really felt like they've been doing anything for you lately with how well you've been doing. Con: what if you stop them and everything goes to shit? Pro: you have an actual support system now to help you. Con: you feel bad making people care about you.

"I wouldn't say you're forcing anybody to care about you," your therapist says. "People choose to care."

"Fair, I guess. I just hate making people worry. I can take care of myself; I'm an adult." She looks at you pointedly at that. "Alright I don't have the best track record but I've made it this far in life and that's gotta count for something."

She taps something into her laptop. "Well, if you do decide to, just know that there is a washout period, so don't be surprised if it takes you a while to feel normal."

*

You go out more. You find that while staying at home is nice and definitely what you prefer, going out for small things can help improve your mood. Even if it's just to the corner store for some chips.

Then Clark gets stuck in deep space for three weeks right before your birthday, and you spiral. It starts small, with minor annoyances making you angry. Then, your new friends at work seem to back off (through nobody's fault, really, but you can't help but feel like it's entirely your fault, and that they don't like you anymore). Your days off become days full of nothing but sitting on your couch trying to occupy your time with multiple hobbies, only to abandon them out of boredom or frustration when things don't go like they're supposed to. You want nothing more than to reach out to Clark, but he's indisposed.

You find yourself bottling up emotionally, unable to cry or articulate your frustrations. You feel stupid for feeling like this, for being unable to reach out to anybody for help. The loneliness is eating you alive, and you're content to sit there and let it swallow you whole.

*

You wake up from another nap to the sound of keys in the door. You heart leaps at the sound, but you roll over anyway, pulling the blankets more tightly around your neck. You feel achy and gritty from laying in bed since yesterday, but you can't find it in yourself to care.

Clark notices the groceries first. There are empty boxes of ramen noodles stacked up beside the garbage, and there are half eaten bags of chips stacked on top of your fridge. The inside of the fridge is almost barren, except for a gallon of milk and one shelf in the door full of condiments. He exhales heavily, having expected the sight, but disappointed nonetheless.

He makes his way to your bedroom, slips on your light, and puts down his bag. He knows you're awake, he can hear your heartbeat pick up when he sits down on the bed. Clark puts a hand on the lump he deduces is you, and you shift, rolling towards him and squinting up at him. You uncover your mouth enough to speak to him.

"Hey, babe." You voice is nothing more than a croak, from sleep and disuse.

"Do you want to talk about it now, or later?" Is all he asks in response.

You bristle, ready to go on the offense, then close your eyes and take a deep breath. "Not really."

He nods. "How can I best help you right now?"

You think. You gut response is to get angry, tell him to leave. But he loves you, you remind yourself. It's not fair to take my terrible mood out on him. "I have a headache."

"Okay, when was the last time you ate and drank anything?"

You silence speaks volumes.

Clark peels back the blankets, untangling you for the first time in a while, from what he can tell. "Okay, let's head to the kitchen and see what we can find, okay sweetheart?"

You're embarrassed by the backslide, but Clark is nothing more than helpful, willing to wait until you're ready to sit down and have a discussion with him. It makes your eyes water knowing you have somebody that cares about you in all aspects, and not just what you can do for them. You blink back tears as you clutch him, stumbling down the hallway together.

[defira85]

Defira does a meme

Tagged by @asteriasfallingstarsandtears ty!

Tagging @mhara (I know you need the distraction right now) @angelicfangirl @thegingerjedi @sithrightsactivist @anarchyinplasma and anyone else who wants to play along, consider yourself tagged from me <3

Last Song: If You Ever Forget That You Love Me by Isak Danielson . I have so many of his songs in my rotation at the moment, so many of them are Durgetash coded

Currently Watching: Watched the newest episode of Dungeon Meshi with lunch earlier today

Three Ships: Hmm. I have some really specific ships, some that aren't even general OC/character so much as it is My Specific OC/character. Like Ona'la and Thexan, I'm sorry but he can't go with anyone else in the world except Ona'la - Arcann however I will ship with anyone because unlike his brother he's a slut. Let's say Durge/Gortash, Outlander/Arcann (but also, Calli and Kol get priority on that list) and uhhhhh. I mean it's gotta be Ona'la/Thexan because that ship changed my life and got me my bestest friends

Favourite Colour: Purble

First Ship: I think it was probably Batman/Batgirl or Michaelangelo/April O'Neill? I was 5, I didn't know what ships were

Place of Birth: Western Australia

Current Location: Still Western Australia

Relationship: Married

Last Movie: I think it was The Boy and the Heron? That was definitely the last movie we watched at the cinemas. I don't think I've watched anything at home since then either. We did start Asterix and Obelix: The Middle Kingdom the other night but Mr Defira foolishly put on English dubs which were awful and we turned it off after five minutes (although I have since read that apparently it's an awful movie so, dodged a bullet I guess)

Currently Working On: improving my art! I'm currently doing an art trade with @aurrieattorney and here's a sneak of the piece I'm painting for him

[khiphop-discussions]

RAP:Public Ep.1 Thoughts

I like the idea of the masks to conceal identity. This is similar to Hip Hop Tribe 2 where the auditions were blind until after a certain point in the performance. Also, having the rappers judge is a good idea.

Spoilers below this point

I knew Khan just off the voice lol but then his hoodie fell off and exposed his hair.

It was Gamma. I'm not too familiar with him so I'm not shocked I didn't recognize the voice.

I can tell just by all the promo on ig, including in-person events, and the clips of Khan at the beginning of the episode that he's gonna be a major player in this season.

2nd battle: 1 vs 31 Omg I don't recognize the voice (1) but it feels like a native english speaker. Is 31 kitsyoji? Or mckdaddy? O'domar, yeah I NEVER WOULD HAVE GOTTEN THAT ONE! Oh but 1 is kaogaii so it wasn't a native english speaker but was someone friends with kitsyoji and mckdaddy lol. Kaogaii did good

3rd: Noh Yunha (10) vs (28). I think from the hair #28 might be Mackidd. Oh no, I think from the voice it's Sky Minhyuk. If so, he's improved a lot from smtm9. Could still use more work but has nonetheless improved. Oh I got it RIGHT! Yunha trying to get that red bull endorsement lol

4th: This is polodared, can tell by size (50) and "the turn off the beat thing" lol vs (30) yang kyle the winner of rapcup (didnt watch the show so I don't know anything about him)

5th: Haon? Nah it was Marv

From here they show a lot of rappers but no battles.

Moon came on the show?!? That's unexpected

Next battle (7th of the episode): 13 (seems like a native english speaker, no clue) vs 51 (no clue) until the MOMENT he started rapping! Fleeky Bang OBVIOUSLY! His style/voice is SO obvious! Still no clue who 13 is I don't think I've ever heard of him. 13 won by being entertaining. It's hardnto out-entertain Fleeky so damn, that's crazy. 13 is Double Down. Never heard of him until now. But he's cool with foggyatthebottom so I'm sure Chillin Homie and some others from the khiphop scene know or have heard about him.

8th: 4 vs 33. I have no guesses for who either one is. Number 4 just said "Bitch" at the end after messing up so bad lol. 4 is goldbuuda. Xwally. They showed VIIN in this episode too. So I'm interested in seeing how far they go.

9th: 40 vs I think Since? (29) vs 40 is Geegooin! Im sure of it! Lol both so recognizable. Except to Yunha I guess. He didn't recognize Since. The vote was 56 to 2. I think the split was a bit unfair. Geegooin did do really well but I guess Since was so impactful.

Here's another montage of people without showing their battle:

Boi B is also here. Mckdaddy was here (I wonder if I would have guessed him right this time if they showed his whole battle from the beginning?). Reddy. Jo Gwangil.

9th: 39 vs 8. I don't know who 39 is but maybe Olltii? Or is he still in the military? I don't think it's him? Something about him reminds me of Olltii though. 8? It seems like a lot of the rappers know who he is just based on mannerisms and voice but I can't figure it out. I think 8 won but both did good. Let's see how the rappers vote. 39 was osun. I'm not very familiar with him. I've only heard him on the "GWTM (remix)" so I am excited to see more of him on this show. 8 was Haon. Ok, now I feel like Yunha with Since lol. How did I not realize it was him. I don't listen to Haon that often so I guess it makes sense lol.

Damn, Haon seems so different now compared to HSR2 from the energy he's showing. Obviously he's way older and has more experiences and responsibilities. So it makes sense.

10 th: 45 (no clue) vs 34 (no clue) Based on his style, it seems like if I listened to him often I'd definitely know who it was. So I suspect I don't know this artist. Same with 45 due to the nails and the rap style. 34 wins. Wait, 45 is cocona? Like the kpop girl from xg(?)? She pretended to not be good or something? Wait they didn't mention it so I think she just has the same name. Zene tha Zilla was 34. I don't listen to him often lol

11th: 14 is Don Mills cause everyone already recognized him so they revealed him like they did with Yunha. He's facing 11. I can't tell who he is off mannerisms or hair so I'll wait until he speaks. Nope can't tell. He's speaking Spanish(?) Is it the guy from AP Alchemy? Why can't i remember the name? Vapo? or was it the other one (edited after the battle: I was thinking Chu Seo jun as the "other one" but Vapo was the correct one who speaks Portuguese, not Spanish lol)? Either way, 11 won so we'll see right now. Nah, it was Daniel Jikal. Not familiar with him

12: 23 vs 27 not sure. i think I head some okashii members would come on. I'm not very familiar with them (only heard a few things earlier this year or last year) so could this be them? Well 27, says he doesn't know 23 but it could be an act. Both acted pretty aggressive (27 saying "That shit is weak" to 23s rap. Then 23, touching 27. 23 was Mason Home so I was right about okashii but only based on luck (randomly remembering that I saw rumors that okashii members were coming on the show). 27 was shyboiitobii...i don't think I've ever seen his face. Omg hes cute af 😍😍...🤣🤣🤣. Looks like he gets in some drama later on in the season.

13: 32 (Owen). I didn't guess it. I was too busy writing about 12 lol

14: 46 (not sure) vs ?? He did sound familiar but I remember thinking "He sounds like Justhis somehow but I know it's not him" lol That should've been the giveaway. (Edit: the one with a familiar voice/similar to Justhis, was Khundi Panda)

Kaogaii hates being calles a loser lol

15: 41 vs 18: I don't think I'm familiar with either artist. 41 somehow reminds me of Chillin Homie but I know it's not him. Both are really good. 41 wins. 30 to 28. 18 is Luci Gang. I am familiar with her lol I don't listen to her that often. I do like what I've heard of her. Chaboom?!? Obviously, I'm familiar with him but I haven't listened to him since the last smtm season he was on. Maybe 6?

16: 53 vs 54. I'm not sure about 54. But I think 53 is Hash Swan. First based on the height (someone mentioned that 54, a girl, was taller. So that was telling) but then the voice was a DEAD giveaway. Seems like the guys have crushes lol. Hash lost. Hippie Kunda. Yeah, I've never heard of he by name. But I think i have heard of 99 Nasty Kids group she talked about. Only in passing though.

17: 19 vs 48. Oh 19 is obviously Loopy lol. Just like Swan, the voice gives it away IMMEDIATELY! Not sure about 48. Loopy wins 57 to 1. 48 is Punchnello?!? Damn. People are shocked he got beat that badly. Apparently, his score of 1 is the worst vote so far.

Loopy says he hasn't kept in touch with anyone from mkitrain. But him and Owen recognized each other's voice. Loopy almost walked past Owen without any acknowledgement once the masks were off. Owen acknowledged him first. And cried on his shoulder.

18: 25 by himself but wasn't there supposed to be 60? Why does someone not have an opponent? Oh there is another person, 35.

25 sounds familiar but I can't put my finger on it. 35's voice might be too obvious so that's why he won't speak. Honestly, his rap ALSO sounds familiar but I ALSO can't put my finger on it lol. Oh, Busan in the lyrics. Must be J-Tong. I guessed northfacegawd (which doesn't make sense because they sound nothing alike) and then later on he said northfacegawd in the lyrics. The Jtong guess was pure luck because like the okashii one. I remembered I heard rumors that he was on the show once I heard "Busan" in the lyrics.

25 got 3. 35 got 55. 25 was Bizzy so that's why he sounds so familiar.

They don't show 35. They left it as a cliffhanger but I'm certain it was J-Tong.

[owlbelly]

man i can't stop thinking about that antidepressant post going around (this is really long & not happy)

the one that started out as someone comparing taking their SSRI to taking insulin or thyroid medication, & turned into other people linking all the studies showing that the serotonin deficiency / "chemical imbalance" theory of depression has been pretty well debunked & that doctors/scientists don't really understand how a lot of psych medication works, particularly SSRIs, so you can't really compare taking a medication for something your body actually physically lacks or that's correcting a chemically measurable problem to taking a psych med that isn't doing either of those things (no one is measuring your brain chemicals & there's no agreed upon baseline for something like seratonin - a re-uptake inhibitor isn't making you make any more of it either it's just prolonging its effects in your system)

like. idk. i understand that the science is demonstrably faulty & that advertising campaigns for medications are the reason the popular conception of innate "chemical imbalance" persists even among doctors! this is not new information to me & it's obviously critical to talk about it & continue to do research.

but i also feel like there has got to be a way to talk about it that doesn't implicitly shame or, idk, outright deny the experience of people for whom taking SSRIs has been life-improving or even life-saving? "this stuff doesn't work the way they tell you it does" is one thing, but it so quickly seems to turn into "this stuff doesn't do anything at all (except hurt you)" which is...literally just not true. we can question whether or not medication is the best choice for someone, we can criticize the intersection of capitalism & medicine that's resulted in poorly understood medication with serious side effects being pushed through to sales, we can talk about how structural/societal change would help most of us MUCH more, etc. etc.

but for some people nothing else works, or nothing else works without an additional boost, or nothing else is accessible (which is fucked). these are shit circumstances. idk i think the wording on that post was like "it's fine if you feel like they help you but don't spread this misinformation about depression as a chemical imbalance" & i guess "it's fine if you feel like they help you" always reads to me as "okay sweetie, you have the right to enjoy your poison placebo." clearly they fucking do help sometimes. we don't know how exactly & we should be concerned about lying corporations & shitty institutions, but like...some people are clearly getting results from them. not all of them good results! but good enough that we can function & live, otherwise we wouldn't take them.

lmao maybe i just don't know how to not feel like shit about any discussion of SSRIs, since i have taken them longer than almost anyone i know (almost 25 years) & from a young enough age that they've possibly shaped the development of my brain in ways that no one really understands & the side effects have definitely shaped my life & i have never been able to function without them! maybe i never will be able to now. was it wrong for them to be prescribed to me in the first place? idk i was pretty set on being dead at that point. maybe i would have been okay, maybe not. i've tried to taper off them multiple times, both with doctor supervision & without. it fucking sucks & i stop feeling like living. should i do it again & stick it out to the point of wanting to die because "depression isn't actually a chemical imbalance" & i am just a duped pawn of big pharma?

or am i SSRIs Georg now, who has been taking Prozac for a quarter of a century & does have a resulting "chemical imbalance" & is an outlier, should not have been counted

sorry i hate this i hate being both critical of & also dependent on psych meds, i hate the way everyone talks about it. people who are pro-meds always act like no one is ever forced to take them or stigmatized for not taking them & that the science around them is clear-cut, people who are anti-meds always talk like there's no stigma around taking psych medication (lmao! even antidepressants!) & also like they're just shit placebos for idiots.

i super hate not knowing what 25 years of SSRIs has done to my body & also being pants-shittingly terrified of trying to remove them from my life. it all fucking blows i just want to see a little more compassion for all of us trying to survive here in whatever way we can

[cq-studios]

Questions for 15 Friends Tag Game

Tagged by @corishadowfang ^^

Rules: Answer the questions, then tag 15 people.

ARE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?

Not that I know of. I think my middle name was after someone but, if that's the case, I don't know who.

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?

This weekend watching Days. That game breaks me every time.

DO YOU HAVE KIDS?

Nope and don't ever plan on it.

WHAT SPORTS DO YOU PLAY/HAVE YOU PLAYED?

Uhhhh, none.

I tried out for the basketball team twice in elementary school but didn't make the team either time. That school, and especially the coach, had it out for me though (I am neurodivergent had behavioural issues so they didn't let me do much).

If it counts, I was on the Improv team in middle school. That was a ton of fun and I would've kept doing it into highschool if the teacher who was in charge of the competitions didn't retire (no one stepped up after that)

Other than that not really anything.

DO YOU USE SARCASM?

Oh definitely. I grew up in an incredibly sarcastic household lol

WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?

Uhhh, I haven't really thought about it...

Probably hair? That's how I tend to recognise most people, which is most definitely unreliable (thanks for that brain lol).

Shout out to that one time my friend got a drastically different haircut than usual, didn't tell me, and I didn't recognise her until she spoke to me lol

WHAT’S YOUR EYE COLOUR?

Brown.

SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?

Definitely happy endings. I have absolutely no tolerance for scary things.

My pour soul got nightmares so easy as a kid I wasn't allowed to watch Scooby Doo because it would keep me up at night lol

ANY TALENTS?

I'd feel weird saying anything artistic, because honestly I consider those skills more than talents (since they're something I actually work towards improving and not something that I can just do for some reason lol).

So alternatively, I think my talent is simultaneously have the worlds worst and best balance. Like I can fill up a cup completely (and I mean completely, there's a meniscus and everything) and I can bring that up to my mouth without spilling a drop, but at the same time, there have been several occasions where I have fallen out of chairs while doing nothing but colouring. I can walk across a completely rounded balance beam (like curtain rod look and size) eyes closed and backwards, but walking I'm tripping every other step.

I can also quack like a duck so convincingly I've tricked hunters lol

WHERE WERE YOU BORN?

I'm not entirely sure...

Somewhere around the southern Quebec-Ontario border I think?

WHAT ARE YOUR HOBBIES?

Drawing, animating, reading, writing, and playing video games (and doing stuff for local theatre productions if that counts).

DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS?

Yes, currently I have a dog, Neve. She's a Golden Retriever-Labrador mix and she's very strange.

My brother also has a cat, but she lives in the basement and I never see her lol

HOW TALL ARE YOU?

I couldn't tell you the last time I measured my height, but I'm only a bit taller than my mom (4"11 and a bit), so probably 5"-5"1.

FAVOURITE SUBJECT IN SCHOOL?

Chemistry.

I love chemistry. I love balancing formulas. I love the experiments and demonstrations (even if when I was doing them I kept burning my hands... I swear I was being careful I'm just cursed lol). I love learning about all the elements properties and stuff. The math isn't awful (like in physics). And it makes me feel smart.

DREAM JOB?

My dream job is whatever I have to do to be able to make my own show (my current plan is making an indie studio) and also being able to make a living off of doing tables at cons.

I'm actually slowly but surely working towards both right now. A lot of just saving and planning at the moment but I'm getting there.

Gonna start applying for grants soon-ish, so wish me luck lol

I don't really have 15 people to tag so, uhh, open tag I guess lol