#but I'm happier now so that's all that matters
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nothing i don’t have | pjs
part 2: support our son
pairings! park jongseong x reader, ft. huening kai x reader
summary! it was supposed to be simple, you and jay would fuck whenever either of you felt horny — no feelings. but it was hard not to catch feelings where park jongseong was involved. so you took the easy way out: you ended it.
genre! texts, written fic, college au, love triangle (corner)
word count! 1k
content warnings! swearing
author's note! i'm still trying to figure out what app/site to make the texts on so if anyone has a good suggestion please help please i'm struggling
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You used to come over to Jay’s place nearly every other day. But it had been two weeks, and you were nowhere to be seen. It was to the point that Heeseung, Jake and Sunghoon began asking if you would ever come over again, to which Jay was forced to answer that you were probably hanging out with Huening Kai. He didn’t know your actual whereabouts most of the time, but he guessed. Which made him internally cringe every time.
What he disliked the most, however, was his incessant urge to text you whenever the smallest inconvenient thing happened in his day. He was sure you would very likely reply, but he was scared of what it would be like now that the dynamic of your relationship changed. It should probably be the same, but what if your voice over text changed because now you were seeing someone else?
Jay wasn’t fond of the idea in the slightest. Did you even really like Huening Kai? Who the fuck was he to take you away from Jay? (Yet you weren’t his to begin with.) He missed you, but he could hardly voice it out to himself, let alone you.
The day he nearly killed a man on the spot was when he saw you and Huening Kai walking side by side on campus. It wasn’t just that, actually, because the two of you were holding hands, and you were laughing about something Kai had said. It was even worse because he was clearly walking you to class — a class that you shared with Jay. So you were bound to cross paths, and no matter how hard Jay tried to slow his pace down, you still managed to notice him.
“Oh, hey, Jay!” you called him over with a smile on your face. It was brighter than he remembered, and he couldn’t figure out if it was just his brain playing tricks, or whether you were genuinely happier than he had ever seen you before. “You know Kai, right?” you asked innocently, but it only brought back Jay’s anger from the Sanctuary Café.
Heeseung just wanted to take Jay out to an open mic. Neither of them knew that it would also be the day of your first date with Huening Kai. Jay hated every second of being there, but to you, it must’ve been an unforgettable night.
“And Kai, this is Jay,” you said with a smile, pointing at him.
“I’ve heard a lot about you.” Kai stretched out his hand forward, but the gaze with which he beheld Jay told him that he knew everything about you and Jay. That you gave him every single gory detail of what had been going on before the two of you began dating, and that made Jay even more furious. Because he refused to acknowledge any other emotion he felt.
He ignored the tightness in his chest as he shook Kai’s hand with a nod. “I’ve heard nothing about you,” Jay replied, not lying, because he genuinely knew nothing about Kai besides the few pieces of gossip and what Heeseung divulged some time ago. Kai wasn’t surprised by that information at all. You hadn’t told Jay anything about him either.
“We have to get to class, but I’ll see you later, yeah?” You looked at Kai with such admiration in your eyes that Jay wanted to step between the both of you and push Kai out of the way. But he couldn’t do it. All he could do was stand and watch and constantly clench and unclench his fists.
“Yeah, of course,” Kai replied, bending down to kiss your temple, but you grabbed the collar of his band tee and brought his mouth down to your lips. Kai let out an involuntary giggle as it happened, and Jay had to abruptly turn away, incapable of not rolling his eyes.
“Bye,” you mumbled quietly, a soft smile decorating your lips.
“Band practice starts at five.”
“I know, Kai,” you laughed and shook your head. “I’ll be there. We need to support our son.”
Jay furrowed his brows, but with Kai’s knowing grin and playful roll of his eyes, neither of you was going to elaborate on what you actually mean.
Your son?
And yet that was the first thing Jay asked about once Kai was finally leaving you alone, his back turned to the two of you. “Your son? The fuck happened in the last two weeks?”
You chuckled at Jay’s confusion, an amused look brightening up your features. “Yujin’s still in high school,” you said, shaking your head. “The keyboardist. If you remember him. He’s actually just started his second year.”
“So you call him your son?”
“Yeah, he’s the whole band’s son. And mine, now.” You grinned proudly, just thinking about Yujin. “Anyways, I’m sorry I haven’t been in contact much lately, but I’m still getting used to this whole new dynamic of me having a boyfriend and all that.”
“Oh, you’re official already?”
“I’d hope so,” you said, shrugging. “What about you? Any new conquests lately? Surely, you already found someone else? Maybe you’ve already had someone on your roster, you know, that kinda stuff.”
If Jay wasn��t too busy cringing at your words, he’d probably notice how tense your tone was, and how much you hated saying them, but he didn’t. All he heard was that you really didn’t care about him any more than a casual fuck and perhaps a somewhat close friend.
“Nah, not really,” Jay replied anyway. “I’m actually kinda… I don’t know. Haven’t felt like doing much lately.”
“Right. So just you and Jane?” you asked teasingly.
“What?” And maybe it should’ve hit Jay instantly that you were speaking of his guitar, but instead he thought that you were suggesting he really was with somebody else already, and he did not like that. “Oh.” He realised moments later.
“Yeah. I guess you could say that.” He nodded. Jay had to count all his small victories of today among the losses, too, however, because you were actively speaking to him finally. And not just that — you sat down next to him in class.
tags: (send an ask or comment to be added!) @moonpri @addictedtohobi
#enhypen#enhypen x reader#enhypen fic#enhypen fluff#enhypen angst#enhypen fanfic#park jay#enhypen jay#park jongseong#jay x reader#enhypen jay x reader#park jongseong x reader#jongseong x reader#park jongseong angst#park jongseong fluff#park jongseong fic#enhypen jay fic#enhypen jay angst#enhypen jay fluff#haia writes
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Man, I can’t stop thinking about this ask you got a few days ago about Lin having a daughter that looks like Suyin and how much angst potential it has!
Little-suyin look-alike thinking her mom doesn’t love her, or at best love her least out of her siblings, because of potential bonding issues!
Lin and Su Look-Alike getting into a heated argument about something and in the heat of the moment Lin accidentally calls her daughter Suyin!
Lin and Su Look-Alike having a great time together and it makes Lin reminisce about happier times with her baby sister before their relationship fell apart
So many juicy scenarios to play with, I love it!
Yes, so much angst potential if Lin had a Su-twin kid
If we're gonna go angsty on this one, her daughter feels like Lin doesn't love her. It just feels like no matter how hard she tries to connect with Lin, there's something blocking that.
Her mom can't get into dancing too much
Her mom hasn't trusted her even though her daughter has proven to be extremely responsible
After that argument she has with Lin, she sits in her room and looks at all her things with tears in her eyes.
"I don't belong here..."
And so she makes her decision that night.
She doesn't take much with her and almost startles Oogi awake. Su-twin is an airbender (no tattoos yet) and has her own sky bison to slip away.
The next morning, Tenzin finds her letter and wakes up Lin at the crack of dawn.
"Lin, you need to wake up. Right now! She's gone!"
She's still sleepy. "What are you talking about?"
"She ran away."
Lin snatches the letter from him, not believing a single word he's said.
By the time you read this, I won't be in Republic City anymore. Please don't follow me or try to find me. I'll manage. I've finally learned that I simply don't belong in the family. I'm finally giving you your happiness. A life without me. I tried. I really did. I'm sorry for being a burden. For being a mistake. For being everything you never wanted. It's better if I'm gone. Life without me is better, and now I understand that. Goodbye.
Lin has tears streaming down her face, and she wastes no time trying to go after her daughter and figure out where she went.
Hours become days.
Days turn into weeks.
Weeks have become one month.
Lin is worried sick about her daughter. She's trying hard not to think about the worst possible scenario - death. As a mother, she would feel if something happened to her child. But her emotions are chaotically everywhere, perhaps she's overlooked her own intuition to hold onto a delusional hope.
Lin sent out a message across all nations to share to her daughter, and she hopes that she can hear the message.
"Please come back to me. I'm sorry. I love you."
#lin beifong#y'all owe me happy linzin for this bc i ended up bawling#i had to dig deep back to when I had these thoughts as a teenager#lin beifong kid
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are u okay?
I'm fine!
I was only gone for so long because of my new job. My old job had gotten extremely toxic and caused my mental health to drop, so I left. The benefits at my job aren't as great, but the pay is decent enough to support me, and frankly, I'm just happy that I'll no longer be at risk of having an anxiety attack every morning before work.
#∘⡊ ☾ ˚⊹ask and i might answer⊹ — answered ask#life hits you fast#in this case life fucked me up with a sledgehammer and pissed all over my self-esteem#but I'm happier now so that's all that matters
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Idk if this is just a me thing or what but i can seriously not remember the last time i watched or read an actor's interview about the show/movie they were on, I simply do not care to hear about their interpretation of things. I will come to my own conclusions and nothing anyone involved with the creation of the media can say will hurt me lol.
I think most people would benefit from this advice.
#rhaenicent#house of the dragon#hotd#mine#twitter is melting down about things that emma and olivia are saying about rhaenicent and i have avoided even seeing direct quotes#but it DOESNT MATTER#olivia and emma seem like lovely people (as were milly and emily btw) but we do not need to take their word as gospel nor the showrunners#enjoy what you enjoy and make your own connections and stop relying on validation from those involved with the production of the show#idk if it's cause i'm older now or if because i was fighting in the BELLARKE TRENCHES in 2014-2017 and every press release with#that show was a hot mess that made me want to scream but none of this effects me now i am so passed that phase of my life#all i do is watch my little shows and ship my little ships and look at pretty gifs/amvs and read people's analysis/fics & write my own fic#we dont need to be doing all this and trust me you will be SO much happier <3#also me entering hotd discourse 24 hours before the premiere...it's westeros time BABYYYY
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this is weird and overly personal but blogging about it anyway. i started a silly project at the end of may this year to exercise every single day (with small exceptions for exams etc) until the first sleep token show - idk why i chose that (i do, it was 'do it for vessel') but having a finite goal is so much easier to work towards than 'i will continue this habit for the rest of my life'. long story short i've done it and i'll continue on even though the first show has passed (do it for papa v this time?) but just saw myself in the mirror in the hotel i'm staying at for the next ritual and jdbdhjdbdj i've got some defined muscle i didn't have this time six months ago thank u vessel
#i don't have a huge mirror in my uni house so didn't notice but. yeah. sorry for rambling about this#just a bit thrilled#of all the great things that becoming a fan of some bands has done for me#this is the most surprising#it's not a crazy schedule btw it's just one thing per day no matter how intense#so could range from a full muay thai class to just walking to campus#it's so much easier than saying#'i will complete this specific exercise every single day no excuses'#because 'do it for vessel' has its limits#so. stayed very flexible but consistent#it wasn't for appearances#genuinely happier with that than i ever have been in my memory#(thanks copia)#just for overall health#and i do feel physically great#mentally better too now that i'm prioritising it#sorry again wow cant shut up#yeah im . jdbdjd :')#been quite a day of doing new things#and it just hit me that i've stayed consistent for 6 months#with visible proof that i didn't intend#and genuinely without a shred of doubt it's all because of vessel#i think i must have seen how healthy he's looking nowadays and thought wow <3 wish that were me#now it's beginning to be#bye to the engineering stick muscles jdbdjdhd
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I only come on tumblr when I'm at the very end of my rope and barely hanging on by a quickly disintegrating thread and I don't know what that tells you about me
#boygenius#lah posting#I took the drugs again#I'm worse but better#I will not stagnate#i have therapy tomorrow#it's gonna be another one of those times when I spend the whole time crying#I don't have anyone anymore that i can rely on to hold space for me when I cry#i can hold space for my own emotions now thank you very much#i'm extremely proud of that fact because six months ago that hill felt absolutely insurmountable#but it really helps when there's occasionally someone else to help with that#sorrow shared is half the sorrow and joy shared is double joy#and all that#but i'm really scared for how this is going to end#i'm in really fucking deep at this point#and it's only getting deeper#i don't want to lose my person or the farm or our plans for the future#but it can't go on like this#no matter what i do#and i can't make him realise and i can't do it for him#but i'm afraid that instead of facing the music and turning shit around he's going to choose a much worse way of dealing with things#If this ends i don't think i could ever date again#i know that's dramatic but i'm being very serious about this#i keep thinking i'm dating someone completely different each time but then every time without fail after a year or two#they get into a deep funk and can't seem to do anything but stew and complain and be mean and ruin any chance of being in a good mood#every single time to the point where i wonder if that's just what happens to people who date me#and i can't stand it because while i'm far from toxic positivity i take pride in choosing to not behave like that when things dont go my wa#but i can't risk letting this keep happening again. I genuinely think i can now be happier loving myself than i'd ever be trusting romance.#I've come so far in my healing and I can't keep letting people derail me who have no idea how to self-regulate or have self-compassion#I'm getting sick again. I can feel it happening in my body
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ok not sure if my last ask went through bc i got an error message (thanks so much tumblr) but i am here to say you FLAWLESSLY executed circus AU, like gave everything i could have ever wanted in that little fic so now i'm sorry to say i'm just gonna have to keep asking for more!! specifically, what happened to angus!
"Come on, boy! Come on, you can do it!"
Thena walked into the ring, left intact just this once between shows due to the short window between the saturday night show and the sunday matinee.
"Good boy!"
She stepped further out of the shadows, her feet completely silent as she moved forward. The place was dark except for a few oil lamps set up around the ring as Gilgamesh led Angus around with just a regular rope around his neck.
Angus cantered around within the circle. He was obviously still healing, a little more slow than he used to be. But he was on his feet--even the injured one. He knickered quietly.
"Atta boy, Angus," Gil cheered for him as he observed the progress of his healing injury.
They had been holding their breath.
She and Gil had, that was to say. No one else cared nearly as much, except maybe Kro, who was eagerly waiting to inflict some punishment on the innocent creature for costing him even a penny in profits.
Angus slowed his pace, bobbing his head as he caught sight of her.
"Mi--Thena!"
Thena walked right over to them, linen nightdress and light robe be damned. She picked up pace until she could embrace Angus' snout, pressing her forehead to it, "look at you."
Angus' tail swished, relishing in the warmth of arguably his favourite person in the world.
She pulled back, still holding the horse's massive head by his chops, smiling at him and leaning to be more in the view of his massive eye, "I knew you could do it."
Angus nodded, in a way.
She turned to Gilgamesh, who had put an appropriate and respectful distance between them since her arrival. He looked younger in the faint light of the lamps. "That means you too."
Gil managed a soft smile dripping with modesty, "it's all Angus, really. Even I had my doubts, but..."
But here he was, up before dawn to help him practice being on his leg? Yes, he certainly was.
Thena ran her hand down Angus' mane over his neck, "like you said, he's young. He's too young and too strong to let Kro put him out of his misery so early."
Gil never offered his agreement too eagerly when she spoke of her husband. Too much to say within too few words, maybe. "Well, hopefully today's show will go well, and we can put this all behind us."
"Indeed," Thena smiled, catching Gil crossing his fingers behind his back. "Truly, Gil, we both owe you more than words can say."
He gave her a somewhat curious look, as if to ask what she could possibly be doing thanking him for something--as if he didn't do so much for her with his mere presence. "Least I can do, Miss."
Thena looked back at Angus. She liked it when he called her Thena. It was sometimes the only time when she was actually able to hear her own name spoken aloud. "On the contrary, this was above and beyond, even for you."
He blushed, and he looked truly sweet when he did. "Anything, Thena."
She looked at him, finding him looking back at her this time. He had such nice and warm eyes.
"Anytime."
Truly, he had such an amazing heart, this sweet and humble man. She had known that from his occupation, of course, but the more she got to know Gilgamesh himself, the more she found herself enchanted with all there was to him.
Her eyes darted down to his lips for just a second.
He didn't catch her. No one ever caught her when she did that. But she was no spring chicken, and she knew very well that her desire to keep him around was no childish flight of fantasy. No, her life was far to coldly rooted in reality for that.
But she far preferred to have him just out of reach than not have him at all.
Gil looked over his shoulder. He was always checking his surroundings whenever they found themselves alone.
He was looking for Kro. All things considered, she probably could exercise more caution than she did. After all, it wouldn't be her whom would have hell to pay, but Gilgamesh. Her mind did reel, sometimes, to think of her husband turning a corner and seeing...something.
She wasn't sure what he would see if that day ever came, but she knew enough to say he would not like it.
"You should rest," she whispered, petting Angus' soft nose again.
Gil knew that it was meant for him anyway. "As should you, y'know."
She smiled directly between Angus' eyes, "sleep often eludes me."
"Thena-"
She turned to Gil, determined not to let herself pull on that thread. There would be no going back if she let herself get up to the knees in him. "You'll need your sleep, Gilgamesh. Kro will have you up as soon as he wakes, demanding to see how Angus performs."
Angus shuffled in place a the mention of his worst nightmare.
Thena turned and comforted her poor steed once again, "I'm sorry."
Gil nodded, putting his hand on the swell of Angus' muscled cheek. "Right, then, but only if you find some rest as well, Thena. You need it more than anyone here."
Exhaustion truly never left her. It was in bed with her far more than her own husband, that was for certain.
"Yes, I suppose you're right," she conceded, more so that he would find some sleep than anything. She inhaled, pressing her forehead to Angus' once more. "Knock him dead."
Angus nodded more certainly this time.
Thena smiled, kissing his nose gently. "And you."
Gil startled but held still as she pressed an equally chaste kiss to his cheek.
She walked past him, not willing to dwell on it, nor able to afford to. She did wave at him over her shoulder, "goodnight, Gil."
He blinked at her, stunned rabbit in a trap, "uh, n-night, Thena."
She turned again as a smile came over her; such a sweet man. She simply couldn't resist expressing the depths of her gratitude somehow. And in some ways, the kiss was better than throwing her arms around him in some way. Because then, what if he had put his arms around her in return?
If he ever did that, there would be no going back, for her.
#Thenamesh Circus AU#thank you for the ask dearest!#yes I think something did go wrong with your first one#but I got this one and that's all that matters!#I hope you like it!#I haven't done Thena's pov in this au yet but I've been dying to#Thena is no spring chicken#she knows herself and her own feelings#she has no illusions as to why she feels so much better when Gil's around#safer happier lighter take your pick#even just knowing he's lingering around while she's up on the wires helps her feel more assured#also she has all these expressions about chickens and rabbits#because she grew up on the farm with her father#she is an elegant lady now#but she's caught and skinned her fair share of catches#I'm not saying she's done that on the odd occasion when Kro forgets she's waiting#and doesn't bring her back any food#but I am saying that he is a bad husband#Gil *exists*#Thena's willpower: haha I'm in danger#let's use humour to cope with the angst fellas#I love this story though#so I'm glad others are liking it too
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#tag talk#fetlife feels like sex facebook and I kinda hate it#it also feels overwhelmingly heterosexual but maybe I'm just looking in the wrong places#idk. I haven't felt like actually having sex anyway so I guess it doesn't matter now does it?#it all feels just kinda pointless right now#whoops that's the depression talking. cause right now everything feels pointless and sad#anyway waugh everything is bad and we're all going to die#I just have to remember this is a cycle and I'll get through it#some day I'll be manic and happy and excited and crazy again and it'll be beautiful and I'll be happy#but I have to make it through this hard part first#it'll all get better again. it has before and it will again#I've been hella productive even though I've been depressed though.#got halfway through a good scifi book. folded laundry. watched a fun movie with a friend. changed my bedsheets. I'm showered.#I kinda wanna cut my hair short#I miss being a cute boy.#it's wild that it feels my gender has shifted like a grinding stone monolith turns mechanically#I feel gears grinding inside and I have no idea what is happening#I don't control it I don't understand it I just feel the effects as buttons push themselves inside my ribcage#do you feel like you know who you are? can you predict what you will be like tomorrow? Who you will be?#I can't. I never could. all I know is that I will be a different person tomorrow than I am today. I will lose the ability to predict.#I have learned to roll with the punches but I shouldn't have to dodge punches at all#I shouldn't be beaten up at all#idk. whatever. fuck you I guess. whoever you are. I hope you're happier in life than I am right now
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Sex Ed Time
ok I'm gonna tell you about some things that might happen if you are transitioning m->f. this is not a comprehensive list just my own experience, be sure to do your own research I just really wanted to voice how this affects me because I think open discussion about this type of stuff is just more helpful for everyone rather than keeping it private
BOOBS HURT WHEN THEY GROW
your sex drive (libido) will probably go down a lot
facial hair is very hard to get rid of
my go-to gender affirming clothing is high-waisted jeans. I suggest going to a goodwill or some sort of cheap store that lets you try on clothes to figure out what you like
muscle mass will go down, fat will be redistributed
boobs do all sorts of crazy stuff when you run / exercise
overtime your skin will get softer, you also might smell nicer, and I've been told it can thin body hair but I don't really see it all that much 🤷
your brain chemistry can change when you reduce testosterone and increase estrogen, there are lots of factors that contribute toward any changes to your personality, but hormones can have an impact as well. for me this is a good thing because I struggle with allowing myself to feel emotions sometimes, no matter how hard I tried I was never really able to get myself to cry. I've gotten closer to being able to cry since I started transitioning though and that makes me very happy
this is a slow process that can take several years, ultimately you're going to be in your body for several years regardless, so if this is something you want it's definitely something you should try to pursue if possible. the time will pass anyways, and it does feel nice to work towards something that can make you happier.
also this is very important, you don't need to do any sort of hormone replacement therapy in order to be trans. not everybody can access HRT, and for those who can access it, not everybody wants to take on all the changes that come with treatments. you don't have to chemically or physically change your body in any way in order to deserve respect
all right that's all I have for right now feel free to add anything in the comments, I would especially like to hear from trans men what your experiences have been, I think openly talking about these types of things can really help some people
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So, I'm trans. And several years ago, I was at my great grandfather's funeral. 17, newly on T, barely out to anyone other than my close friends and family. And I'm standing there at the refreshment's table, surrounded by strangers and members of my family's church, when George walks up to me.
This man is ancient, bent like a finger and frail. Tufts of white hair surround his wrinkled face. Like always, he's wearing thick glasses, massive hearing aids, and his veteran's hat. George was my first introduction to the concept of war, when he told me as a child why he was missing two fingers on his hand. He's been a fixture at church since I can remember. I've only ever seen him at there or in uniform at parades, the rest of his time spent in a nursing home somewhere. He picks up a deviled egg and says, in his quiet voice,
"You know, before your grandfather died, he told me that now he had 3 grandsons."
I'm frozen in place. I don't know what to say to that, if I should say anything at all. This is not a conversation I expected to have, especially not with this man. But he continues.
"I didn't know what he meant! So he explained it to me."
And I can imagine it. My great grandfather, uninformed and opinionated but supportive, explaining to his friend the news he barely understood himself over after-service coffee and cookies. His eldest grandchild was now a boy.
"And, you know, I didn't know what to think."
Here, George looks me up and down. This 90-something year old war veteran, who knew me mostly as the little girl playing in the church kitchen with his wife, processing what my great grandfather had really meant. It feels like a long pause, even thought it probably passed in a second.
"But you look good. So, eh!"
And then he smiled, shrugged, and walked away without another word. If I was fine, if I was happier, then that's all that mattered.
George passed away this week, at the age of 99. This memory has been bouncing around in my head for a while, but I wasn't sure if or how I should share it. It was a conversation that meant very little, but also meant the world. It was scary, and funny, and the moment when I realized that sometimes the people you least expect will accept you. Sometimes, even if they don't fully understand, even if they barely know you, someone will choose to support you. And that will always matter.
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I went from having to eat the same two bland meals every day for most of my childhood and teenage years to eating a different healthy meal every day which I myself cooked
adult life may be difficult but I'd be damned if I didn't enjoy it
#I kept and keep hearing how I'll miss my teenage years but honestly I don't think I will#I'm more free now than I ever was and way happier too#there's so much more to life after you grow up than people might want to make you believe#I also am better at cooking than my parents tried to make me believe#not that they'd ever let me actually cook much to begin with#I was not really allowed to exist in the kitchen much#not that I wanted to lol#anyway I'm eating good now and feel better and that's all that matters :D#godoframbles#food#cooking
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Man.
#I think I'm getting out of it#its getting easier each day now finally#but FUCK#do I still want you to talk to me#tell me how you feel#help get you closure#and help get me closure#there's so many 'why's hanging around for me#I can handle pain I can handle betrayal I can handle unfair behaviour or justified outrage#I can't stop myself from trying to solve the unsolvable#and I miss you#and I still want to be your friend#and your feelings matter to me#and I want to give you anything you damn well want (while u kno. keeping healthy boundries)#it's pathetic to still be hung up on stuff like this#its been 3 goddamn years already#but man do I care#I hope you're well I hope you're fantastic#old friend#I hope you never get or got stuck in stupid thought loops like this#I hope you rarely if ever think of me at all#I hope you have peace and love and prosperity and are happier and have more energy#I wish I could still help and encourage you#moddy rambles#personal post#man I'm so fucking silly#I don't know why this stuff always bubbles back up eventually#I'll be sorta fine for months and months and then suddenly it'll be all I think about#gah. It'll be over soon. It was mostly fretting over what to say in a conversation that will never happen anyway#I think I figured out a way to break the thought/anxiety loop. Iast hurdle I think. I'll be over it soon.
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youtube
it's kind of my song actually
#required listening to understand me i think#a part of me is tempted to put this on my pinned post but i don't wanna be mean#anyways. those who knew me from then... glad you're still here (:#i think if 2020 me met current me he'd fall down#i was in a weird situationship with someone who was WAY too old for me. in various nightmarish discord servers. almost failing algebra 1#(how did i even do that. my old teacher didn't know how to use zoom at all). so deeply alone.#and now look at me! friends! hobbies! employed! scared but i know that i have to do it scared.#but no matter what the altogether has always been there for me#i want to hold 13 year old me in my arms a bit. tell him that it will work out because he is good. he is kind. and he will be so very loved#but not by those people. you just need to reach out and you will be ok#also that he's a lesbian probably but the gender thing we still haven't gotten down yet. also he likes chicken salad. and kpop + industrial.#i guess the idea is like. yeah i did go searching for a bigger sky. and i did.#and i'm so much happier for it#so thanks i guess.
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Going from "I'm not one of those trans people who do x or y" to "I am so one of those and I should have not judged them and I am glad that I got rid of the normative judgemental attitude I used to have".
Going from "I'm just a lesbian so liking trans men is wrong i don't want to deny their manhood" to "My sexuality is weird and that is fine, I like who I like despite the theoretical implications of it and I am not denying anyone's identity because I like them for who they are and respect them no matter what".
Going from "I'm just a regular binary she/her woman" to "I'm a girl and a woman but my dissociation and life experiences also make me feel impersonal so I can use it/its and I'm not weird for it, i wouldn't even be weird if I had no justification either, I can even use doll pronouns because I like them and they make me feel warm and happy and that is what matters".
Going from "Ok so these are all the labels with their very clear definitions and meanings and everything else is internet quirky stuff" to "I literally would not know how to explain what you are and I won't force you to explain it if you don't want, I don't need to understand it to accept you, you are valid and loved. If you instead want to explain it to me I'll do my best to learn and defend it whenever I can".
Going from "I am so sad, frustrated, angry and in pain because I will never be or look cis" to "I actually don't like the cis normative look, I don't want to cispass, I like trans beauty but specifically I like me beauty, the one where I am still myself but a more me version of myself. The world constantly told me what I should aspire to be and look like and like and I was brainwashed for so long but now I've broken free and am free to fully love myself and everyone else in this world who ever thought they were weird or ugly because my eyes find so much beauty in everything and everyone!"
Going from "Ew furries" to "I don't want to make fun of people who deviate from the norm because that is exactly what happens to me and we should all be together or else we are treating ourselves as exceptions and exceptions are easily revoked, I will learn to love everyone against a brain poisoned with conservativism and "normality". I like rats I should make a rat fursona or smth it would be so cute it'd so represent me :3".
Going from "I am useless, lazy, falling behind, a disappointment" to "I am physically and mentally disabled, there have never been accomodations for me in any aspect of my life and the intersectionalities of gender, sexuality, economical situation, etc. have made my life extremely difficult, I forgive myself for both failing and for blaming myself, I will seek help and advocate for myself to the best of my abilities and I will respect my limits in this world that was not made for people like me".
Learning is hard, changing is scary, but it's mostly just your brain being a conservative for the sake of commodity, safety and self-preservation, sometimes you need to fight your brain in a war of attrition but when you finally win you'll be so much happier.
I am so much happier now, my world is bigger and brighter and I see everyone and everything with a new, beautiful light. I look back on how I was and how I thought and how the world works and it all looks so much worse and grey, I am not going back there, this new mind is my home now.
And the best part is that I know I will keep learning more and changing more and the world and this life will keep getting better and better🥰.
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WHAT YOU HEARD
LANDO NORRIS
summary ★ : streets are saying yn finally broke up with her loser boyfriend and guess who couldn't be happier? if you guessed lando, you'd be wrong, it's actually her (but lando's a really close second).
category ★ : smau.
notes ★ : disregard all times and dates, they don't matter. all spelling mistakes are intentional. with that out of the way, finally someone other than charles even though i still have like 2 drafts for him that i need to finish. ntm on the banner and article 😶🌫️. when you get to the hello kitty reactions pls just scroll💀 it was funny when i made it but now it's just... and i cba to remove it. sorry this is so short 🙏.
part 2
yn_ln added to their story.
user00: oooh, girl's night????
user01: love seeing my fav wags out and about
user02: what happened to your foot? hope you're okay🫶
yourfriend: lils on her phone probably texting alex🙄 they make me sick w how cute they are
user03: y'all look so good🥴
user04: I just know that club's hot as satan's arsehole, how do you look so good? what's your secret🎤
alex_albon: please bring my girlfriend back in one piece🙏
yn_ln: nah, she's my girlfriend now😪
user05: no ezra? break up abeg
maxfewtrell replied to your Close Friends story : did you forget she's on your cf
landonorris: do you think i'm stupid? obviously i removed her before posting this
maxfewtrell: so you do have a working brain cell🤗 congrats🎉
monaspencer replied to your story : wasteman is hilarious but deserved.
alex_albon replied to your Close Friends story : may your efforts fail 🤞🙏
landonorris: WOW🤣🤣
alex_albon: nothing personal mate🤷♂️
landonorris: WDYM nothing personal, you're literally cursing me😒
randomfriend replied to your story : VINDICATION!!! i knew you couldn't read🥳
alex_albon replied to your Close Friends story : why did he have to be such a simp, now i owe lily and mona money
yn_ln: you're a millionaire, you can afford it, so suck it up king👑🫶🏽
monaspencer replied to your Close Friends story : you just made me 200€ richer😘
yn_ln: i actually don't want to know...
lilymhe replied to your Close Friends story : now alex owes mo and i money, thank you🙏🏻
yn_ln: glad to be of service?
landonorris replied to your Close Friends story : i wonder who that handsome guy is
yn_ln: some stray i found wandering around and out of the goodness of my heart, i decided to bring into my home
landonorris: you're not funny
yn_ln: then why were you laughing at all my jokes earlier?
landonorris: i was laughing at how bad they were😕
yn_ln: sure...
charles_leclerc replied to your story : tangled on a date? how romantic
yourfriend replied to your Close Friends story : this doesn't look very "im done w yt men" 🤔
yn_ln: you're in my business, don't do that😁
yourfriend: but it's so interesting 🥴
⤷ end note ‧ ★ : made a cute lil divider so hopefully it distracts you from everything else😋. honestly this took so long bc i was mostly working with vibes, no writing, no thoughts, just vibes. i don't know how some of y'all are so fast, like you guys amaze me, my goal is to just get more than 1 smau per month out. also i will no longer be writing for charles leclerc bc someone said he looked like noah schnapp and i can't unsee it 💀💀 gonna have to change the drafts🥲
#lunavrse writes(?)⋆#f1 x reader#f1 x you#f1 instagram au#f1 smau#f1 social media au#formula 1 smau#formula 1 x reader#instagram au#lando norris x reader#lando norris imagine#lando norris insta au#lando norris instagram au#lando norris smau#lando norris social media au#smau#social media au
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smart - October 6th - Jegulus - @stag-microfic - word count: 665 - trans!Regulus Inspired by a reddit post that I heard about on a podcast so I don't have the original source to link it lol
"It's going well, I think," Effie whispered to Monty, who nodded at his wife, grinning.
"I like him. I have to admit, he's not what I thought he would be, though," Monty murmured, looking across the room.
It was true. James was so larger-than life and attention-grabbing; so loud and, Effie had to admit, dramatic. But Regulus, James's boyfriend who he'd finally agreed to introduce them to, was quieter. It had struck them as strange that it had taken so long, since Regulus was Sirius's little brother, and Sirius had practically been their adoptive son for years. But they didn't know a lot about Regulus. Just that he had taken longer to cut ties with Sirius's problematic family, and that their son was absolutely crazy about him.
He also seemed nervous and a bit skittish, though when he did speak, he came off as extremely smart. Though both men looked at each other with stars in their eyes, it was certainly a different match than what James's parents had been expecting.
When they interacted together, it made all the sense in the world, though. At least in Effie's opinion. They were natural opposites in the best way, and Regulus seemed to bring out the best in James. He'd never seemed happier.
"I'm going to do the dishes," she announced, standing and exiting the room, waving all of the boys off as they got up to try to help.
But as she began to get to work, the short, curly-haired man who had been glued close to James's side all night entered the kitchen, balancing a stack of plates.
"Oh, let me get those, dear!" Effie jumped over to grab the stack from Regulus's hand, eager to help.
"Thanks, Mrs. Potter," Regulus smiled softly. "The meal was wonderful. Was that thyme I tasted?"
"Oh, thank you, dear. It was! Do you cook?" she asked as they began to fall into a rhythm of washing and drying together.
"A bit. I learned a lot of family recipes as a child, and it was one of the few things my parents insisted on teaching me that I actually enjoyed," Regulus shrugged, meticulously drying a plate.
"Interesting," Effie frowned, speaking over the running water. "Did they make Sirius learn, too?" Sirius had become a permanent fixture in their household long ago, but had never mentioned learning how to cook.
Regulus just snorted softly. "No, they only made the girls learn."
It took a moment for Regulus's admission to sink in, and the dish Effie was now washing in the sink slipped from her hands as she realized. "Oh!" she said softly, her brain catching up with the conversation.
Regulus's eyes grew wide as he, too, figured out what had happened. "James and Sirius never told...?" His face, which had previously had a small smile playing on his guarded features, grew nervous and almost cold.
But Effie wasn't having that. "Regulus," she said firmly, grabbing his arm with her wet hand and refusing to allow him to turn and walk away. "It doesn't matter to us," she stated, looking the terrified man in the eye, making sure he understood she'd never been more sincere.
The gray eyes that stared back at him grew wide and watery, and he blinked a few times before nodding and letting out a shaky breath. "I- okay," he mumbled. "Sorry, I- It's just, my parents were-"
"I understand," Effie murmured, movign her hand up to squeeze his shoulder.
Nodding again, Regulus visibly relaxed, turning back to the dish he had been drying.
"It won't matter to Monty, either," Effie clarified, squeezing his shoulder again and returning to the sink. "As long as you and James love each other and you support his Quidditch team, he'll approve."
Chuckling, Regulus smiled. But after a moment, he turned to Effie, frowning. "What Quidditch team? Because James likes the Chudley Cannons and I can't even pretend to like-"
"No, he likes Puddlemere," Effie laughed, pulling him into a hug.
#marauders#harry potter#marauders era#marauders fandom#fanfic#harry potter marauders#the marauders#marauders harry potter#marauders fanfic#the marauders era#marauder era#marauders fanfiction#marauders fic#james potter x regulus black#james and regulus#poor james#james potter#james x regulus#regulus x james#regulus and james#regulus black#regulus arcturus black#james loves regulus#regulus deserved better#regulus black x james potter#jegulus#jegulus microfic#starchaser#sunseeker
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