#genuinely happier with that than i ever have been in my memory

[copia]

this is weird and overly personal but blogging about it anyway. i started a silly project at the end of may this year to exercise every single day (with small exceptions for exams etc) until the first sleep token show - idk why i chose that (i do, it was 'do it for vessel') but having a finite goal is so much easier to work towards than 'i will continue this habit for the rest of my life'. long story short i've done it and i'll continue on even though the first show has passed (do it for papa v this time?) but just saw myself in the mirror in the hotel i'm staying at for the next ritual and jdbdhjdbdj i've got some defined muscle i didn't have this time six months ago thank u vessel

[lcriedlastnight]

Idiots in love with Oscar

"Can you stop smiling? I'm literally having a seizure suppressing the urge to kiss you."

omg anon, i literally love you so much.

tw: fem! reader, tried my hand at a little goofy story idk if it's good if it's not ignore it pls :), lmk if you want me to add anything.

w/c: 1k

oscar was a quiet a reserved guy, this almost everyone knew. he was private and did not like discussing anything outside of racing or letting it take up much space in his mind. but there was a few times where his guard was down completely and he was free to act how ever he felt like and that was when he was with you.

it could not have been any earlier than one am and both you and oscar had just come back from a lovely date night. you had both done your nightly routines, standing right next to each other just like you always did and had both clambered into bed. you could tell oscar was in a happier head space compared to earlier on in the week. loving touches and little jokes were scattered all the way home and even when you were both brushing your teeth before you had gotten into bed.

instead of getting into bed and turning the bedside lamps off, you sit against the head board as you watch oscar walk around to his side of the bed.

"what you looking at, missy?" oscar asks, cheeky smile on his face as he sits down beside you.

"you, sexy boy." you smirk back while oscar grimaces.

"ugh what's wrong with you! you know i hate that word." he groans, his head falling back but he had clearly misjudged how far the top of the headboard was and his head thumped against it. another groan comes from the man, while you fall into a fit of giggles. you are quite literally doubled in two in laughter as you lean into his side.

"are- are you okay?" you ask once the laughter has calmed down a little. oscar rolls his eyes at you, hand clutching the back of his head.

"no i'm not okay! i just banged my head! i could have a concussion and here you are pissing your pants!" oscar complains. it sets you off again. maybe you should have skipped that glass of wine with dinner. you know oscar does not really mean what he says, he has always been a crybaby.

"yeah, you just sit there and laugh. i'm sure that'll make me feel better." oscar moans.

"what do you want me to do, you want me to kiss it better?" you tease, crawling back up his side. your smile was blinding as you felt genuine happiness for the first time in a while. in your opinion, nothing beats times like these with your boyfriend, they were some of your fondest memories.

"fuck off." is all you get back. it makes you chuckle.

you sit there grinning at him like an idiot for a while, replaying the incident in your mind, trying to not laugh again. oscar just stares back with an almost constipated look, is what you would call it.

"can you stop smiling? i'm literally having a seizure trying to supress the urge to kiss you." oscar finally pipes up.

"oh, you definitely have a concussion." you tell him, acting serious. your hands come to clutch at the back of his head, feeling for the sore spot. you know once you find it because of the high pitched yelp oscar lets out.

"why would you do that!? it really hurts!" oscar scolds, you just smile at him. a sweet "sorry" escaping your lips. oscar lets out a "hmph." and pulls you in closer to have you straddling his thighs. your hands come to rest just underneath his ears.

"you gotta kiss me now to say sorry." oscar tells you, a smarmy smile on his face, meanwhile you look at him with one brow raise, comically, in suspicion.

"yeah? what do i have to be sorry for, osc?" you question him.

"this was all your fault!"

"it's my fault that you banged your head on the headboard?" oscar nods and pulls you in a little closer by your waist.

"yeah and now you gotta kiss me to say sorry, and to make it better. two kisses minimum." oscar explains while you just smile at him, trying desperately to not laugh right in his face.

"is that right?" you question his words. oscar only hums and pulls your lips towards his with one hand on the back of your neck.

oscar had ended up complaining about his sore head all the way until you two had decided to go to sleep at near enough three am. you had to let him rest his head on your chest because the poor boy just could not lay his head on his pillow the way he usually did at night because of his sore spot. you were more than certain that it would not even be sore in the morning because it did not sound like oscar had even hit his head that hard and you knew how much oscar liked to play up his injuries just to get a little extra love and affection from him, as of you would not just give him it if he just outright asked for it.

that weekend he went around telling the entire paddock that you had pushed him into the headboard and other variations of that story. all of them ended in you causing the injury. you had to go around defending yourself to all of your boyfriends friends and co workers.

it was one of the first times anyone else other than you had even had a glimpse into that side of osacar ans as much as you wanted to gatekeep it and have it all to yourself, you kind of liked the fact that everyone else, including the media, got to see oscar as something other than the deadpan, racing loving, sarcastic boy that they knew all too well. unfortunately for you, lando constantly brings up the incident and no matter how many times you try to tell him the truth and how stupid oscar was actually being, lando was quick to ignore it and jump to the side of his teammate and defend him to no end.

[angelicyoongie]

lovesick • yandere profiles

➝  a/n: thank you so much to anon for this commission!! ❤️ this is my first time writing a yandere profile, so it was a fun challenge and nice little side-project to work on. i hope this will give you all a little more insight into the lovesick boys! ➝  word count: 2.6k ➝ content warning: yandere behavior, stalker behavior, mentions of kidnapping, self-harm, murder, etc.

🥀 NAMJOON ➝ yandere type: overprotective, mildly possessive

Namjoon is overprotective to a fault. But how can he not be, when the illness that ripped his family apart left his mother nothing but a memory and his father a shell of what he once was? Losing a soulmate is pure torture and Namjoon refuses to repeat the same history as his parents. You're too precious, his darling, and there's nothing Namjoon won't do to ensure that you stay healthy and happy. Sure, maybe his methods come off as a little more invasive than caring when he books health check-ups in your name without your knowledge, but he doesn't mind your anger as long as it means that you're all right. 

Namjoon is for the most part calm and collected, but even he has his limits. He can't stand it when his advice or orders aren't followed; when you blatantly disregard your health or put yourself in dangerous situations despite his warnings. Those are the only times he truly ever gets angry – well, aside from when his claim on you is challenged, of course. Namjoon's possessive streak rears its head whenever someone tries to pretend like they know you better than he does, after all, you're his soulmate – his to care for and his to protect. He isn't above hurting someone if it means it'll keep you safe. Murder would be the absolute last resort for him but if it had to be done, then so be it. He'll do anything for you.

There's nothing that makes him happier than when you let him care for you without a fuss, allowing him to pamper you to his heart's desire. Namjoon craves to have you close, to feel your warmth in his arms and your steady breaths against his chest. He won't allow anything to jeopardize that – not even the six other people he shares the bond with. 

You're the most perfect soulmate he could ever wish for and the rest of the world can burn as long as it means you'll be safe, healthy, and happy (with him). 

🥀 SEOKJIN ➝ yandere type: obsessive

Seokjin has always been cynical about his soulmark. How was he supposed to find someone through their shared pain when there are so many people in this world? It seemed impossible and unfair, and Seokjin figured that the chances of ever finding you were slim to none. Even so, there was always a little part of him that hoped that the universe would lead him to his soulmate – you – at the right time. And it did. Seokjin swears he was reborn the first time he laid eyes on you, the pain insignificant in comparison to the joy of finally finding his soulmate. 

He has always been level-headed, thinking his actions through before acting on them, but Seokjin found that when he was faced with you, all of that flew out the window. He just couldn't leave you alone, not when he had finally found you. Seokjin likes to take pictures, to capture your every moment so that it can be remembered forever. Every smile, frown, and pout you make is a gift to this world, and Seokjin loves that the pictures all show off the genuine you, unfiltered and real. After all, you can't put on a fake smile if you don't even know that you're being followed. 

Seokjin has lost track of how many hours he's spent fantasizing about your bond and the life you're going to lead together. His obsessive thoughts are only quelled when he gets to see you, to follow you around; pretending he's taking part in your life as he watches it unfold from the shadows. And now that he finally has you, Seokjin is free to let all of his fantasies play out, to be the perfect soulmate that you deserve. He isn't one to raise his voice or get angry, but Seokjin finds his frustration building when you don't respond to his advances the way you were supposed to – the way he imagined you would. Even so, he doesn't dwell on it for long. His fantasies can always be changed, reimagined, to make sure they capture the real you – just like his photos. 

Seokjin loves spending time with you, indulging in your hobbies, and watching you do things that make you happy. Of course, he hopes that one day the only thing you'll need to make your heart sing is him, but he doesn't mind the wait. You have the rest of your lives to figure that out. You were the impossible was made possible, and Seokjin has no intention of ever letting his angel go. 

🥀 JUNGKOOK ➝ yandere type: mild clingy, mild obsessive

Jungkook always hoped that his soulmate would end up being someone like you. Coming from a broken family that pushed him aside the moment he showed signs of weakness, Jungkook only ever wished for his soulmate to accept him – to love him – like he was. His stutter and shyness didn't define him and yet, there were so many who couldn't look past it. You, however, felt like you were heaven-sent with how you only saw him and not his flaws.

He wanted so desperately to approach you when he realized that you were his soulmate but the insecurities his family had instilled in him held him back. So, he instead watched you from the back of the room, memorizing the way your hair moved and how you would tap your pen against your beautiful lips when you were deep in thought. The classes he didn't share with you were torture, but in turn, it made the moments he caught a glimpse of you around campus even sweeter. 

Truly, the only thing Jungkook wants is to be loved by you. His heart feels like it's bursting with happiness whenever you look at him, your touch electrifying his skin in a way he never thought possible. He used to be dependent on his hyungs for affection but it's nothing compared to the way you make him feel, the way you make his soul glow just by being near. His past has left him starved for your attention and Jungkook finds that his emotions get a little too overwhelming whenever you're not around. He relies on you for stability and love, something that only fuels his mildly obsessive tendencies. 

Jungkook would rather hurt himself before ever hurting you. He might not be willing to go to the lengths that his hyungs are to protect you, but that doesn't mean he can't keep you safe. Jungkook would do anything for you, even if it means sacrificing himself. You're everything to him. 

🥀 HOSEOK ➝ yandere type: impulsive

Hoseok believes that the best-laid plans are those that happen on a whim. The choices he's thought the least about are those that have given him the most; he started his business based on a bet, joined a fundraiser because he had nothing better to do that day and somehow all of it led him straight to you – his other half. Hoseok may not believe in fate but he does trust his gut, and he especially listens to it when he's around you.

Compared to your other soulmates, Hoseok comes off as cold and stoic, his true emotions hidden behind a mask. Hoseok was known to be loud and expressive when he was young but the more he got teased for his outbursts and over-the-top reactions, the more he started hiding them away. Now, it takes a lot of coaxing before Hoseok feels comfortable enough to let his mask slip, a burst of genuine laughter from him so rare it stuns you every time you hear it. 

Hoseok's impulsive nature has worked well for him over the years, but it also means that he often acts without thinking much of the after – like how he would ever be able to explain your drugged drink to a room full of people who weren't equally as sick as him. His quick mood changes make him unpredictable and he's quick to anger when something doesn't go his way. Hoseok isn't above giving out punishment, not if it means you'll learn to never disobey him again. He'll never intentionally hurt you but he's more than capable of giving you a good scare.

Although you may be safe from his wrath, other people aren't so lucky. Hoseok will certainly resort to murder if someone ever dares to lay a finger on you and he'll take great joy in removing them from your sight. 

What Hoseok loves the most is seeing your reaction as he gives you new treats he's created especially for you. There's nothing as satisfying as watching your eyes light up and your smile bloom as you bite into them, praising him for his hard work. Even if Hoseok's feelings and actions are a little convoluted, he does mean well. You're his sunshine, the one person that manages to break through the dark clouds in his mind and he'll do whatever it takes to keep you by his side. 

🥀 JIMIN ➝ yandere type: self-indulgent, obsessive

Jimin spends most of the quiet hours at work fantasizing about you. It started innocent – Jimin was just so thrilled that he had found you that he couldn't help but imagine all of the ways he could reveal himself to you – but as time passed and nothing happened, those thoughts turned a little… dirtier. Jimin thought of all the ways he could show you just how long he's been waiting for you, yearning for you. He knows he can make you feel good, that he can make all of your dirtiest dreams come true, and if by satisfying your desires he also satisfies his own, well, that's just an added bonus. 

While Jimin may love to please you, he's also quite selfish. He doesn't hold back when there's something he wants and he doesn't mind pulling a few strings to get his way. Jimin needs you to pamper him; to tell him how much you like him and how much he means to you. It's the only thing that quells that needy voice in his head, the one that constantly thinks of you and only you.  So really, it doesn't take that much to make him happy. He preens under your attention, especially when you ignore the others to solely focus on him. Jimin loves to be touched and kissed, but nothing beats being intimate with you. It makes Jimin feel special, to be able to experience you like that, vulnerable and needy for only him. 

Due to the nature of his job, Jimin keeps a cool head most of the time. The one thing that will set him off, however, is you lying to him. Jimin can smell lies from a mile away, is trained to spot them, and yet you like you think that you can deceive him. Perhaps if it didn't upset him so, he would find the idea of it funny. Even if you may test his patience and temper sometimes, there's still nothing Jimin wouldn't do to keep you safe. He knows how to use his resources well, how to make it seem like someone never even existed. He's willing to do anything for you, his soulmate. 

🥀 TAEHYUNG ➝ yandere type: impulsive, delusional

Taehyung was raised on the belief that the universe would lead him to his soulmate. His family romanticized the soul-system, never doubting that fate would steer them in the direction they needed to go. Taehyung was the same, and those beliefs were only cemented in his mind when he finally met you. He only caught a glimpse of you that day in the coffee shop but it was enough to convince Taehyung that some part of your soul had recognized him too – and you were waiting for him to make a move. 

Using his programming skills, Taehyung easily hacked your phone. He wanted a way to feel close to you, to make sure he always knew where you went in case something happened. It didn't take long before it wasn't enough – before Taehyung had to start following you home after your classes, just to get a peek at your pretty face. The texts you sent your friends about feeling watched on the way home only fueled Taehyung's desire to do it more – it was definitely a code meant for him, a message that you knew he was there. 

The few times you do something that upsets Taehyung or he grows too impatient from holding himself back, his impulsive nature jumps out. There's really no telling what he'll do – Taehyung doesn't give his actions much forethought before carrying them out. One day he may send you bloody roses because you ignored him, the other he may plot to kidnap you because he's grown tired of waiting. Taehyung is a wild card and there's no limit to how far he's willing to go to keep you with him.  Taehyung's reality may not be the same as yours – he believes that you have liked him for much longer than you actually have – but it still makes his heart beat like crazy whenever you express your love for him. Being able to hold you in his arms is the most amazing feeling Taehyung has ever felt. You're his soulmate, his destiny, and nothing will ever drive you apart. Taehyung will make sure of that. 

🥀 YOONGI ➝ yandere type: obsessive, very mild overprotective

Yoongi might have believed that music was his first love, but it all pales in comparison to how he feels about you. He was used to spending most of his time dreaming up narratives and poetry that would flow well with his beats, working tirelessly to create the perfect track again and again. There were days Yoongi didn't even see the outside of his studio, but that all changed when he finally found you. He went from barely being home to leaving work on the dot, hurrying to his apartment in hopes that he might get a new update on you from Taehyung. 

Having a gentle disposition and good self-control, Yoongi is surprised to find how flustered he gets around you, his body suddenly reacting in ways it never has before. He finds that his thoughts keep straying to you constantly, dreaming of the dates he wants to take you on and how your relationship will evolve. All of the sad ballads he's supposed to write turn into bright pop songs whenever he thinks of your smile. He loves seeing you happy, watching your thrilled reaction as he lets you listen to his songs first, love confessions being whispered into your ears repeatedly. 

Yoongi knows that he sometimes gets a little overprotective of you. He never wants to hurt you, but if a small punishment can steer you over on the right path, then Yoongi is willing to look the other way. He cares about you more than anything else and so, he's really just acting in your best interest by making sure nothing bad will happen to you. Yoongi wouldn't hesitate to land a punch if he caught someone looking at you twice, but murder is out of the question for him. Luckily that's not something he needs to worry about, not when you have other soulmates who are more than willing to do that work for him. 

You're the best thing that has ever happened to him. Nothing beats seeing your smile, hearing your laugh, or watching your eyes light up as you let yourself be pulled into his arms. You're Yoongi's soulmate – his love – the only person who can turn his rainy days into endless summer. 

[moonselune]

Hii! I got a request idea. Astarion x durge reader (if possible male). Many times ive heard the durge being called an “unlovable carcass” and such, so maybe Astarion would reassure and comfort them, that theyre far from a unlovable being.

Thank you 🎀

-If possible? If possible! Darling it's pride month how could I say no!

(I would literally never say no regardless, I was practically raised by the LGBTQ+)

Hope you like it, I had to throw something cute in there to make it a bit more hurt/comforty type

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ───

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ───

The campfire flickered softly, casting dancing shadows on the tents and trees around the clearing. Astarion lounged with casual elegance, his keen eyes never straying far from the brooding figure of his darling bahl babe. You sat apart, your mind troubled by whispers and memories that clawed at the edges of your consciousness.

“You look like you’re contemplating how to best brood yourself to death,” Astarion said, his tone light but eyes serious. He rose gracefully and made his way over, taking a seat beside you, his head leaning on your broad shoulder.

You let out a sigh, your shoulders slumping and disturbing your feline natured lover who simply just readjusted himself. "Sometimes I think they're right, you know," you muttered. "An unlovable carcass. A monster."

Astarion’s expression softened and he sat up, no longer leaning on you. He reached out, his fingers gently tilting your chin up to meet his gaze. “Oh, darling, who’s been filling your head with such nonsense?”

You tried to look away, but Astarion held his gaze. “It’s not nonsense,” you said quietly. “It’s what I am.”

Astarion chuckled, a warm, rich sound that seemed to dispel some of the gloom around you. “Nonsense or not, I disagree. I find you quite...lovable.” He smirked, leaning in closer. “In fact, I’d say you’re rather irresistible.”

Your eyes flickered with a mixture of doubt and hope. “You’re just saying that.”

“Oh, am I now?” Astarion’s smirk widened. “Tell me, my brooding love, have I ever been known for sugarcoating the truth?”

Despite himself, you couldn’t help but smile slightly. “No, you haven’t.”

“There we go, a smile. Much better.” Astarion’s hand moved to caress your cheek. “Listen to me. You are far more than the sum of your past or the whispers of those who can’t see past their own grubby noses. You are strong, resilient, and yes, even lovable.”

You felt a warmth spread through his chest, the darkness receding just a bit. “You make it sound so easy.”

Astarion leaned in, his lips hovering just inches from yours. “That’s because it is. Loving you is the easiest thing I’ve ever done.” He paused, a teasing glint in his eyes. “Now, shut me up before Karlach overhears me being sweet or gods forbid- Gale-”

You didn’t wait for him to finish his complaining. With a surge of emotion, you closed the distance, capturing Astarion’s lips in a fervent kiss and pulling him into your lap. It was a kiss that spoke of desperation and need, a frantic attempt to drown out the voices with something real and tangible. With something you truly loved.

Astarion responded eagerly, his hands tangling in your hair as he deepened the kiss. He broke apart only to catch his breath, but you were relentless, pressing kiss after kiss to Astarion’s lips, cheeks, and neck, as if trying to imprint every touch, every taste, into his memory. As you could replace all the bad thoughts, all the darkness with just him.

Astarion laughed breathlessly between kisses, the sound a delightful mix of surprise and joy. “You really are trying to shut me up, aren’t you?”

You finally pulled back, your breathing heavy, eyes bright with emotion, a happier emoition. “Maybe I am. Is it working?”

Astarion’s smile was radiant, a rare, genuine expression of happiness. “Oh, most definitely. But don’t stop on my account.”

You grinned, a genuine, unguarded smile. “I don’t plan to.”

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ───

[spookyquill]

The Thorns in My Heart are For You

Description: a Hanahaki Disease AU, Reader is in love with Dazai and has been for a long while. They were in the port mafia but they left with Dazai

Word Count: 2800

Part 2

Previous Part | Next Part (link)

TW: Blood, mentions of sickness, coughing up stomach contents, head over the toilet, passing out, alcohol

~~~~~~~~

Atsushi brought a different kind of light to Dazai. You watched him as he began hovering around Atsushi, teaching him all sorts of random things and dragging him to witness his events. A kid who should’ve held no mercy for the world, gave such kindness to everyone around him. Maybe he was an influence for Dazai, an ambition for him to follow. Whatever it was, it gave Dazai a different kind of glint in his eyes. 

You watch from your desk as Dazai laughs manically, having just thought up of another plan for an attempt. Atsushi walks gloomily over to you. “Hey (Y/n). Is there anyway you can convince Dazai to stop doing…” He gestures over to the man.

With a sigh, you reply. “Unfortunately no. I can talk to him as much as I can but it won’t stop him from wanting to. As long as someone is always around to help him out afterwards, he’ll be fine.”

Atsushi groans and takes a seat at his desk across from you. “Ranpo mentioned the other day that you and Dazai joined at the same time. Is that true?”

“Yeah.” You smile back at the memory. “We’ve been through a lot for sure, honestly I didn’t even think we’d make it far. But we’re here now, and I’m glad we are.” You look at Atsushi fondly. “You’ve saved him.”

Atsushi tilts his head. “Yeah. Didn’t he tell you how we met?”

You shake your head. “That's not what I mean. I mean that you gave him a new purpose.”

“Oh.” Atsushi looks to Dazai, who has now moved to poking Kunikida, literally. “I have?”

“Yeah. He’s gotten much happier since being here. He still acts the same but it’s… more. Like his smile is bigger, his laugh is more genuine. He seems to have found his purpose. And it’s been ever since he’s taken you in.” 

You hear Atsushi mumble, and barely catch his words. “I don’t think I make that much of a difference.”

You mentally slap him. “Atsushi. You saved him. Literally and figuratively. You are worth more than you think. Besides, everyone here has basically accepted that he’s your father.” You take a sip of your coffee as Atsushi sputters. “Don’t try to deny it.”

Before he can try to form a sentence of rebuttal, Yosano comes up to you. “I’ve been requested for a job nearby. Did you want to accompany me? We could go shopping afterwards if you’d like.”

You nod. “Sure! I’d love that. It’s been a while since we’ve shopped together.”

“Alright. We’ll head off then.” She walks away, her bag hanging from her shoulder. 

As you stand, you feel a familiar tickle at your throat. “Yosano, I’ll meet you downstairs. I’m just going to go to the bathroom.”

Yosano waves, signalling her acknowledgment. You pass Atsushi a kind smile, waving him a quick farewell before you speed walk into the bathroom, locking the door behind you. 

You barely make it to the toilet before you’re spewing up your stomach's contents. Your lungs heave in pain, adding their own contribution to the mix. Your abdomen pulses in pain at having its muscles involuntarily clenched. It lasts for another minute before you can take a deep breath. 

Despite your arguments against it, you peek into the toilet bowl. 

Flower buds. Some half bloomed. 

“Great.”

~~ Time Skip a few days ~~~

It had been a quiet day. In fact, you had just finished your lunch break and were on your way back to your desk for even more paperwork to file. But something seemed different as you ascend the stairs.

You begin to wheeze about halfway up the stairs, your lungs feeling tighter than usual. It was confusing, normally you’d be able to jog a few flights of stairs before feeling even a little short of breath, but now it was halfway up one flight of stairs and your lungs were heaving. 

It doesn’t go unnoticed.

“You seem out of breath. Did you go for a run?” Dazai asks as you reach the office. 

You decide to go with the lie. “Yep! Sure did.”

Dazai hums. “It’s not a good idea to go running before or after food, you know.” 

You take a seat at your desk, taking in as much air as your lungs allow you to before exhaling in a sigh. “I know. But I had energy.”

Dazai is silent for a little while, and you think he drops the topic. But he speaks up once again. “You should let Yosano check you out. You don’t look that good.”

This time, you let out a sigh of annoyance. “She will probably just tell me that I need rest.”

“Maybe you should listen.” Dazai stands up from his desk, grabbing some things off his desk and heading for the door. “Take some days off to recuperate. You’ve been working a lot lately.” He smiles at you before he takes his leave. 

You felt conflicted. In one way you felt that he was discreetly calling you weak for needing a break. But on the other hand you felt that your hard work was being noticed. Strange. 

Before you can think much more about it, your phone chimes with a message. Looking at it, it surprises you who the messenger is. Regardless, you smile.

The rest of the day goes by smoothly. You finish off your paperwork with some spare time left over, so you begrudgingly take yourself to Yosano's office. She of course told you exactly what you thought she would. 

Once you left work, you went home, got changed into a more casual relaxed fit, and headed downtown. It doesn’t take you long before finding the restaurant. You enter, immediately being greeted by a server. 

“Hi! Reservation for Nakahara?”

The server nods and directs you through to the back of the restaurant where a few open booths line up against the wall. 

“Right on time.” Chuuya says as you reach his booth. 

You smile. “Chuuya! It’s been so long.”

Chuuya nods in agreement, sliding over to allow you space to sit next to him. You take the seat, using the position to give your friend a quick hug, relishing in the reunion. 

“How have you been?” He asks as he sets his fedora down on the table. You also take this moment to notice that his mafia coat isnt with him. 

“I’ve been alright. Work was quiet today.” You can feel your lungs heave with uncomfortable familiarity.

“Can imagine it would be. Lot of you working on cases and all that shit. Plus they have a hardworker like you on the team.” He bumps your shoulder, sending you a grin. 

A server quickly drops by a bottle of wine as well as two glasses before bowing and leaving the two of you alone again. Chuuya makes work with pouring the wine. 

“Yeah, but it gets quite boring pretty quickly-” You choke on a cough, phlegm rising up along with the too familiar tang of metal. You’ve been holding it back for so long today, refusing to let out even a small cough into your hand. It’s all been building up, and now your lungs about to force it all out.

Blood splatters over the table at the first cough. You cover your mouth, eyes going wide at the feeling of pressure at your lungs. You can’t even look at Chuuya at the moment. You jerk up from your seat, holding back coughs behind your hand as you stumble haphazardly to the bathroom.

You know you’re disturbing the entire restaurant, probably scaring everyone, but you couldnt give a fuck at that moment. All that mattered was making it to the toilet. 

You barely make it, dropping to the floor and skidding to the bowl, ejecting your body’s contents into it, both from your stomach and your lungs. 

It’s painful, the most painful thing you have ever experienced. Nothing trumps this. It feels like your body is on fire, exploding in white hot pain. Your muscles are too tense, it feels like they’re so tight that a breath of air could break them. You can’t breathe, can’t get oxygen. You feel light headed, it makes your head pound. Your stomach feels like its being squeezed of everything it has in one go, your lungs feel worse. It’s as if there are multiple hands inside your body wringing them of any and all moisture.

It feels like it's been hours by the time you can take a breath of air. You gulp the air, feeling much needed relief for a moment before your body forces another wave of ejection, thankfully this one doesn't last as long.

You feel someone behind you, hands caressing your hair out of your face and rubbing your back. A cascade of voices can be heard as well, one closer to you sounding louder and more aggressive than the rest. 

Chuuya.

You lift your head away from the toilet, opening your mouth wide to let as much air as possible in. Your head leans back, tears dripping down your face. You feel Chuuya pull your head gently to his chest, fingers threading through your hair. The feeling of nausea doesn’t feel so empowering now, so you let your body slump against Chuuyas. 

Time seems to slip by, your mind fading in and out of consciousness. One moment you open your eyes to being held in Chuuya’s arms, some servers surrounding the two of you. Another time you open your eyes to him walking outside with you. Another moment he’s tangling your body to piggy back his on his bike. Another moment passes and your pressed up against him by an invisible force which makes sense once you comprehend the red glow surrounding your body. You feel the wind whipping against your body, your head feeling cushioned by what you can only guess is a helmet. You close your eyes again for a bit longer.

When you open them again, you’re in a warm bed, a lamp dimly lighting up the room, not too harsh for your head. It’s warm, and the bed beneath you is soft, softer then your own. This isn’t your room. 

Chuuya comes into view, placing a damp wash cloth on your forehead. The cold cloth drowns you in relief, your head finally managing to connect with all five senses. Your mouth still tastes horrible, but it seems manageable for the moment. Your ears are ringing and sounds seem to be slightly muffled. The smell of warm chocolate brings to your a pang of hunger, your body desperately needing something to sustain it again. 

You groan, reaching up to Chuuya. “What happened?” Your voice is raw and only brings back the taste of what seems like minutes prior.

“You threw up is what happened. Scared the shit out of me, I nearly took you to the hospital.” He sits next to you, the bed dipping slightly with his weight. 

Carefully, he helps you sit up, situating you so you’re leaning against the headboard. “Why didn’t you?”

He grabs a small bowl of rice and some chopsticks on his bedside table, handing them to you. “You need to eat something, let your body recover what it lost.”

You take the bowl graciously, taking in small bites of rice before repeating your question. “Why didn’t you take me to the hospital?” 

Chuuya stares at you. “Well for one, I’m part of the mafia. Not exactly a place I’m allowed to be at without bringing the place down in fear. And you know the second reason.” 

Your heart skips a beat. “What do you mean?”

“How long have you had hanahaki disease?” He’s blunt, leaving you no room to sneak around it.

You sigh, knowing that you wouldn’t be able to escape him. “Just after I left the mafia.”

“Have you told anyone?” Chuuya asks.

“I’m telling you now.” You cringe slightly, watching his expression go from neutral to shock.

“You’ve been living with it for years and only now are you talking about it?!” He stands up. 

“Only because it’s starting to affect my daily life.” Your voice is but a whisper.

“Oh so you’d prefer no one knows about it? What would you have done if I didn’t find out? Would you disappear and never return?!”

“No I wouldn’t! I just…” You can feel tears start to well up in your eyes. “I just didn’t know how to talk about it. Because everyone would make a fuss over it and try to get the other person to like me. But I don’t want to force it on anyone.”

Chuuya sighs, pacing his room while running his hand down his face. 

“Are you mad at me?” You ask quietly, not daring to look towards him.

You hear him let out a soft groan before he approaches you, gently placing his hand atop your head. 

“I’m not mad at you. I’m frustrated that you didn’t at least tell me before you started coughing up your literal lung. But I’m not mad. Which is a surprise for even me.” He says.

You look up at him, tears welling up in your eyes. Chuuya stares at you with compassion, taking his seat by your side once again.

“So. Have you told him yet?” 

You let out a breath of laughter. “Who said I loved a man?”

Chuuya hums. “Well last I checked, Dazai wasn’t a woman. Unless he transitioned last time I saw him. And I’m telling you now, it’s impossible to transition within a week.”

You sigh. “How did you know it was Dazai?”

“You were quite an obvious crusher 7 years ago, and that part of you hasn’t changed. I’m surprised the smartass hasn’t caught onto it himself.” 

“Probably because he doesn’t love me and he doesn’t want to confront me about it.”

Chuuya scoffs. “Or he’s a pussy.”

You fiddle with your fingers as you speak. “Are you going to tell him?”

Chuuya barks out a laugh. “Fuck no. That job is for you to do. And I swear to god if you leave it to the last minute I will slap you with your own flower.”

“I won’t. I’ll tell him tomorrow… I guess.” You say, your nerves spiking at the thought of telling him. 

“Good. Now what do you say we order in and bitch about work?” 

The rest of the night is spent in Chuuya’s room, drinking wine and eating takeout until you both end up passing out on the bed.

~~~

This is it. This is the day! Today will be the day you confess your feelings to Dazai. You had a plan and everything. Neither him or you had assigned jobs for the week, it was quiet, most of the agency was off on their own tasks or in their personal office. It would be secluded enough that only the two of you would be in the main room. 

It was perfect. You had been gathering up the nerves to confront him for the better part of 24 hours. Now was the time.

You approach Dazai, a confident smile on your face.

“(Y/n)! I hope you’ve been well. How about you take a week off in tokyo?” He hands you a train ticket.

…

“What?”

Dazai smiles, closing his eyes. “You’ve been working really hard lately. You deserve a break. So I went ahead and organised a luxury trip for you! You get a five star hotel with breakfast in bed. And you get a daily massage for free!”

You honestly didn’t know how to react, a mix of emotions coursing through you. Confusion, shock, disappointment, shame, utter bewilderment. Where do you even begin?

“See! You’re so excited you don’t know what to say!” Dazai cheers as he slings an arm around your shoulder. “Now, you don’t need to worry about anything. I’ve already organised it with Fukuzawa, and I even took the liberty of packing your things for you! All you have to do is take this ticket here and get to that train station!!!” He shuffles you towards the door, manoeuvring you in a way that leaves you no escape from him. 

“I’ll see you in a few days!” And he shuts the door in front of you, leaving you, and Atsushi who just so happened to walk up the stairs at that moment, completely baffled.

Was he mad at you?

~~

He was in fact, not mad at you. He had one of his predictions brewing, and this came clear to you as you exited the hotel bathroom, the toilet flushing away the bloodied petals.

The TV flashed with the news, a reporter standing in front of a green screen which showcases pictures of every single ADA member, including yours, in a wanted poster design.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Likes, reblogs and comments are appreciated!

[fern-funtime]

| True Blue | ⁺˚⋆｡°✩₊✩°｡⋆˚⁺

wc: 1,089

pairing: Navia x fem! reader

warnings: a little sad, beautiful gay women <3

an: this is kinda bad. i had major writer's block but i started it so i had to finish it, i hope it's good enough to read. oh and happy pride month everyone ･ ͜ʖ ･ -Fern xo ♡

To say you were upset was an understatement, the girl you were in love with was a few feet away from you with a man. A man who was confessing his love.

A man you didn't even know. He gave her flowers and a very expensive necklace, the blue stones matched her eyes perfectly. Jealousy is a very strong emotion and it was overwhelming you by now. All you wanted to do was leave and rot in your bed but you didn't want to leave her, you guys were in the middle of a conversation. It was awkward, you shift in your spot and try to pay them no mind but you feel hurt. You think about how happy she looks, how beautiful.

After a few more minutes she comes back with a big smile.

"Did you see all that?" She laughs while awkwardly holding the bouquet. You gave her a fake smile

"Yeah." you try to be happy for her.

She sighs and plays with her necklace. "Isn't he charming." you feel your heart break slightly. "He seems nice." your words come out less emotional than you wanted. "Are you okay?" she asks softly.

"I don't think I'm feeling well." in response to this she moves her hand to your forehead. "You are kind of warm, you should get some rest."

You smile at her and say goodbye, but not before she gives you a big hug. All you can smell is her perfume and the vibrant roses she was gifted. "I hope you feel better Y/n." she spoke with sincere words.

You felt so guilty for being mad when she's so kind to you. You were now in bed doing exactly what you wanted earlier. You had been crying, your eyes are puffy and your heart is melting into the bed with the rest of your body. How could she ever love you. He doesn't deserve her yet you certainly don't. Maybe he's the love of her life, she'll be happy with him.

Happier than she would have with you.

You didn't even notice you tell asleep until a knock wakes you up. You notice it's now night and you can feel the dried tears on your cheeks. You slowly get up and groggily walk to the door. You open the door and you're met with Navia. She's holding a container and a bag of her belongings. She gives you a big smile and you move aside and let her in.

She walks in and places her stuff down "How are you feeling?" you watch her as she puts her stuff down.

It's muscle memory at this point, there's never a week where she doesn't come over and spend the night at least once.

You didn't even notice you fell asleep until a knock wakes you up. You notice it's now night and you can feel the dried tears on your cheeks. You slowly get up and groggily walk to the door. You open the door and you're met with Navia. She's holding a container and a bag of her belongings. She gives you a big smile and you move aside and let her in.

She walks in and places her stuff down "How are you feeling?" you watch her as she puts her stuff down.

It's muscle memory at this point, there's never a week where she doesn't come over and spend the night at least once.

"Better." you smile at her. A genuine smile this time, you're really happy to be with her right now even if its not in the way you want.

"I made you soup, it's my dads recipe." She grabs a bowl and a spoon. You watch her while she does this and you noticed her necklace was gone. "Where's the necklace that guy gave you?"

She lets out a laugh before saying "I gave it back to him, I didn't say it in the moment because I was flustered but...I have my eyes on someone else." She glances your way before putting the soup in the bowl.

Her eyes lingered for a second longer and you swore the whole world stopped. Confusion was evident on your face and you looked away and tried to wonder who she really liked. 'Me?' you thought before you were snapped out of your mind when she plopped down next to you, rather close too. She handed you the soup and you take in the smell. It smelled like home. "This always makes me feel better when I'm sick."

Instead of smiling you frown at her "I need to tell you something. I wasn't sick...I was mad." She furrows her brows "Did I do something?"

Now you feel really guilty, you made her sad. "No- no of course not, I was...I was jealous of him." you look to the ground. Your nerves had finally set in, you realized you just confessed to her. She thinks for a moment confused until she finally spoke. "You were...jealous of him giving me flowers?"

"You looked really happy...I want to make you happy like he did." You voice faltered a bit and your heart beat picked up faster and you were quite literally freaking out. As soon as you turned to apologize she pulled you into a kiss. It was only a peck as she pulled away quickly. "I am so sorry! I didn't know what I-" you kissed her.

You gave her a proper kiss. And she kissed you back. After putting the soup on your bedside table you both go back to each other's lips. You wrap your arm around her neck and she puts a hand on your waist. You pull away and look at each other for a second. She laughs, and you swear it is the most beautiful thing you have seen. "Have you liked me all this time?" she said in between giggles. "Oh my god. We could have been together all this time."

You start to laugh now before hugging her. "I thought you were into guys!" "Are you saying I don't give off sapphic energy!?" She laughs into your shoulder.

"I thought about it but I wasn't sure I've only seen you with guys." She kissed you on the cheek and you're heart almost explodes. "I love women too, and I love you."

"I love you too." You bring her back into a sweet kiss. "Can you please try the soup now, I worked hard on it." She fakes a pout before grabbing the bowl.

[moonlight-prose]

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

I have spent several days drafting this post because there's so much I want to say. 2023 was filled with some big moments for me. I graduated college, met my friend group, went on night time adventures, and actually acted like my age for once. I was chaotic and fun and carefree for the first time since I turned 19. But things have also gone wrong in many ways.

Which is why I write this to you guys. The incredible people on this site. Whether you follow me, are my mutuals, or have seen my blog in passing (or in your notes), I want to wish you a Happy New Year.

While this year might have sucked for a majority of it, the light I found in this community - on this site - is unmatched. I have met some of my greatest friends here. I've cried to fics, lost my mind over characters, and written so much more than I actually expected. It's been a hell of a year and an absolute honor getting to thirst with y'all.

So here's to getting sluttier in 2024! I'm toasting my champagne glass to you guys.

I also wanted to simply shout out some very important people to me. They've made 2023 bearable and I couldn't have been happier to know them through this place. A big massive fucking THANK YOU to my darlings. You're the greatest people I know.

@soulores my queen, my babe, my bestie. it is hard to believe we didn't start officially talking till summer of this year, because i genuinely feel like we've known each other for years. from our sunday morning phone conversations, to our screaming in the dms about these fictional men, and movie days with you. i couldn't have asked for a better friend to meet this year. here's to many many more memories in 2024 (and to finally meeting in person!).

@themarcusmoreno what would be a dedication post without mentioning you! my love i am so so fucking happy we met two years ago. all because of pedro pascal. crazy to think i would have found such an incredible person who happened to love all the things i love! you're the greatest friend and i am so grateful for you. thank you for sticking with me.

@sunflowersteves vic the absolute bad bitch. THE PERSON YOU ARE. i am so so so so fucking happy you and i are still mutuals. after meeting through marvel of all things and then pedro and now top gun. there's so many memories with you i cherish. and i can't wait to make more. and a massive thank you for being such a cheerleader for my writing this year. you and ash have managed to keep me going even when times were tough.

@karasong my first EVER mutual on this site. it's so hard to think that if it weren't for you i wouldn't be writing on here. you followed me two years ago and i flipped out and the feeling hasn't changed one bit. i couldn't be happier you're in my life. from starting up the server with you, to yearning for obi-wan, life with you in it is so much better.

@softanon it would not be a proper dedication post if i did not add you babes. dia you are one of my favorite people to exist. you're effortlessly cool, have the best ideas, and i always feel so lucky that i met you. from our talks about the moon knight bois, to tommy miller, to yearning over din djarin, i have loved every single convo with you. they bring me so much joy. you are an incredible person and i am looking forward to SO MANY more convos about our favorite men!

@saradika to one of the greatest people to exist in this fandom i love love love you. your graphics and the love you show to everyone around is so incredible and bright. we seriously don't deserve you, but i am so happy you are here and that you exist. you've made 2024 brighter just by being here.

@tarrenterror25 the spookiest darling ever! when you showed up on the server it was such a good day! and you brought with you so much fun and joy that the server was never the same. i am sending you an infinite amount of love this new years and here's to more chaos with you in 2024!

to my darlings in the dilf nation server:

@arctvrvs thea babes you are iconic, lovely, and are one of the best people to exist. you made 2023 so much better just by being around to yearn over joel with you. i couldn't be happier to know you!

@fluffyprettykitty selene you are the coolest people who has the coolest fics! the love you share on fics is so incredible, it never ceases to bring a smile to my face. also you're just so awesome i couldn't have asked for a better person to join the server.

@rae-gar-targaryen my fanboy lover in crime. i'm sure i've said it countless times, but you are so cool and amazing and beautiful. you are a goddess in real life. the talent you have is so fucking incredible it haunts me. i love each and every one of your creations and i love you as well!

@mostly-megan you are an absolute sweetheart and even though we haven't talked much in 2023, i hope to have so many more conversations with you in the coming new year. sending you my love darling!

@agirllovespancakes iris you lovely human being. i remember when i was first posting hurt you would reblog the greatest comments. and it made me want to continue, because i looked forward to each one. and now that i know you love tommy too! you're so amazing and i dedicate a new years kiss to you.

@inklore you talented insanely incredible person! i could make a whole list of good things about you. i am sending you SO MUCH love for 2024. i hope it's amazing.

@outercrasis birdie my darling i want to tell you all the things that i cherish about you. from the love you showed on black velvet, to the way we screamed about bruce wayne and even frank castle, i live for our conversations. here's to so much more fun in 2024 and infinite convos about saltburn.

tagging those lovely humans who've made 2023 so incredible. please know i love you so much and i am kissing you when the clock strikes midnight. thank you for making this year so incredible!:

@stargazingcarol, @cregan-starks, @lady-of-glass-and-bone, @fushic0re, @targaryenvampireslayer, @pennyserenade, @flightlessangelwings, @stargirlfics, @goldgilzean, @kalllistos, @flordeamatista, @perotovar, @my-secret-shame, @roamwithahungryheart, @galatially, @eloquentmoon, @starryeyedstories, @oscarseyebrow, @iraot, @zinzinina, @thefact0rygirl, @iamskyereads, @navybrat817, @ifimayhaveaword, @the-godparticle

[mango-fizz]

splatoon had always kind of been a part of my life, since it came with my wiiu a long long time ago, and even when i was in middle school i didnt play splatoon 2 at all, but i always made sure to keep up with the lore, and i remember that acid hues and bomb rush blush were never Not a part of my lunch time playlist. and 2 years ago i left for college, living away from home for the first time, and it was a pretty miserable experience, for several reasons, but the thing is i can pinpoint the exact moment things started looking up, when i started to feel better, more cheerful, more motivated. It was when i fell in love with splatoon again, listening to the old songs that i had loved when i was a kid. genuinely i dont think i wouldve gotten through that semester without it. after i finally decided to come back home that winter, i had the best holiday ive ever had. despite having to start over at a new university, being with my family again and especially my cousins, who are like siblings to me, made me feel happier than i had been in those 5 months i spent by myself. and with splatoon, i felt like we really bonded, somehow become even closer than we already were, and i made memories that i'll cherish for a really long time. i remember singing anarchy rainbow as loud as we could after ringing in the new year, dancing and laughing, and i had felt so alive. so basically, what i mean to say is, splatoon, from 2015 to 2024, is really really important to me, in a lot of different ways, for a lot of different reasons that i cant fit in this post but, i think splatoon definitely has something special, i said it before but i genuinely dont think we'll get anything like it again, just, thank you thank you thank you, from the bottom of my heart, thank you for the memories

[1dwaekki]

I'm genuinely heartbroken over Liam Payne. As someone who's been a part of the 1D fandom for many years now, he helped saved my life when I was in the darkest place I've ever been in. He taught me resilience and gave me so much light during those times. I can only hope now that he rests in peace like he deserves, and that he is in a much happier place than anyone could ever be here on this Earth.

My heart goes out to his family, friends as especially his son, who is only 7 years old. I can't begin to imagine what they're feeling at this time and I hope that eventually we can look back only with fond memories. There will always be a feeling of emptiness now listening to old songs or watching old videos and I don't quite know what to do with that. Grief is such a strange thing because since I found out last night I've felt nothing, just been stuck in genuine shock and disbelief that this could happen, however this morning I'm holding back tears with all the strength I've got so that I can leave the house later.

I always imagined that this would never happen to me, or that I would be older than my parents are when I ever have to hear about or process something like this but this truly shows how unpredictable life is, and how you never know how someone is doing behind the facade they put on online.

I hope that everyone affected is okay and that we can move on from this together in a healthy, reminiscent way.

❤️

[vodkassassin]

bro i'm bored too so this is perfect (btw this is muffin from the spleenectomy server i just have a different tumblr name)

i recently took a break from banging tim drake around my brain like a tennis ball machine in a glass cage bc i was visiting family but now i am back home and back on my bullshit

IMAGINE: after reversing joker junior on tim, he gets amnesia and is taken in by harley, who at this point has realized that the whole situation with joker and junior was horrible. she's also not mentally stable enough to take care of a whole ass child, since she has no idea who this kid used to be before the brainwashing, so she calls in a couple favors and soon enough, tim is getting passed around in a weird custody arrangement by the whole gotham rogues gallery

meanwhile, bruce is shutting down from grief since he thinks that tim killed joker then himself. jason comes back to a broken father he honestly has no idea how to deal with. the green haze of the lazarus doesn't accept a batman who solemnly takes any accusation jason throws at him like he deserves it. the family heals slowly but surely, and eventually damian joins hearing stories about his predecessor, a kind and bright boy taken from them too soon

tim? is living it up with more parental figures than he can count on both hands, learning the tricks of the trade and finally letting his mastermind brain extend to areas he previously ignored. raising a child brought together the rogues in a way never seen before, and any genuine animosity between them has turned into rivalries at the worst. tim still retains his strong moral compass, and while he doesn't approve of his aunts' and uncles' illegal activities, he'll still bail them out after an attack gone wrong

eventually, whispers of his existence spread around to lower level goons and make their way to red hood's ear. something something the bats have to confront the fact that tim, even without his memories, seems happier and healthier surrounded by career criminals than he's ever been with them

and what does that mean about how they've treated him?

OUCHIE muffin you hurt me heart…. Do it again.

Jason meanwhile is like “damn y’all fucked up didnt you” bc he never met Tim. He’s also vaguely rougue-shaped at this point so he gets to enjoy spoiling his younger bro and rubbing it in his family’s faces.

Damian, who also never met a Tim before now, also gets along with him like a house on fire. They play murder-tag across the rooftops sometimes when he’s on patrol. No real murder, ofc, that’s just what they call it. Super safe dw.

Bruce and Dick are jealous as FUCK but they’re also too caught up in their grief and guilt complexes that they have yet to get over their bullshit about the entire thing

[littlest-nightingale]

little! 13th Doctor because I've talked ab her as a caregiver but not as a little:

 • oh my god. she is a DISASTER

 • she goes to great lengths to hide her regression/not regress. like she is FIGHTING IT

 • about... 1-3 years old? she's little little

 • i genuinely don't think she had an entirely pleasant regression the entire time she was the doctor. i actually think she was that miserable. like maybe there were some regressions that were enjoyable but i think she was lonely and upset most of the time

 • she was absolutely desperate not to let the fam know. She didn't want them to think she was weak, and she definitely didn't want them to see her when she was so helpless.

 • part of it was definitely because this regeneration was a woman! lots of people started treating her differently when she regenerated into a woman, and part of that was that people thought she was weaker or dumber or more incompetent. So she definitely didn't want people to know she regressed! she didn't want to be viewed as more incompetent than people already seemed to view her as.

 • it was also because she was running from her issues. regression takes away what little filter she does have. if she was to regress and say something about the stress she was under, the fam would definitely start pushing her to talk about it, which she very much doesn't want to do!

 • finding out about the timeless child ordeal broke her. She had an entire childhood she couldn't remember because it was taken from her! and, because we know she could remember little glimpses of it, what if regression allowed her to remember. little bits and pieces. little glimpses into tecteuns experiments. maybe even the few times she was forced to regenerate.

 • after finding out, regression wasn't safe for her! memories she wasn't even supposed to have started slipping through the cracks, and unfortunately, her regression isn't entirely voluntary.

 • it didn't help that she spent 19 years in isolation immediately afterwards. she was stuck in that cell and she would regress and she would remember and there was nobody there to help her through it.

 • and even afterwards, she didn't open up about it. ever. She pushed through, she regenerated, and that was it.

 • in terms of regression gear, she has quite a lot. that doesn't mean she uses it.

 • 10, 11, and 12 were also regressors. 10 got a metric fuckton of regression gear and that collection has been modified and added on to with each new regeneration.

 • most of this is kept in a nursery/playroom originally made for 10, which she has asked the TARDIS to hide down the longest hallway she could generate (sometimes the TARDIS pushes the room forward. 13 doesn't take that well)

 • she keeps one stuffed animal in her room. one raggedy stuffed giraffe clara had gifted 11. it is hidden under her bed next to a teether and a box of stim toys

 • given her just. general autism. and how she is. she can get away with alot. she can have stim toys. she can stop talking. she can have cute onesie pajamas. you get the idea. so at least she has that.

 • but stepping away from the absolute misery, here's some happier ones:

 • i think there were positive regression triggers, even if she suppressed it. like at Yaz's grandma's wedding, when they were doing the henna tattoos (i believe that's what they were? im not too familiar with the culture, excuse me if i am wrong and feel free to correct me) as well as the fez, and getting her new clothes!

 • She has a tamagotchi! She is very good at taking care of it, despite it all. She also has a ds with Nintendogs, which was previously used by 11. it's modded so she can have more dogs than the game allows =]

 • she has matching bracelets with her giraffe plush!

 • Shes got a blanket with stars on it, sometimes she lays on top of it with her nightlight on because. sparkly

 • she draws on herself. yes she has paper yes she could draw on a more permanent surface but it's more fun to draw on herself

[pseudowho]

hello once again, it's 🕊️ anon (aka anon with shitty rich friend) again

im so sorry for dumping all of this lore on you u this way, u dont have to reply to it

but there was so much more controversy when they got together. so basically it wasnt just me liking the guy. the guy (lets call him T)'s childhood best friend (lets call him M) was basically in love with the girl (lets call her S). M liked S for a whole year (S and T didnt even know each other that well) and when M confessed, S rejected and it was a pretty messy rejection (I dont know the details). a few months after that T and S started talking secretively and only a few people knew about this. so them getting together broke the lifelong friendship between T and M.

Now i am pretty good friends with M, but i hadnt ever told him that i liked T. recently after everything went down, i met up with him and told him that i used to like T. and this is how the convo went:

me: so i used to like T

him: i know

me: fym you know??

him: i could tell

me: since when?

him: 10th grade

me: right. does he know?

him: yes, we talked about it back then

me: so what did he say?

him: that youre not his type

me: ah okay fair

i basically put on my most nonchalant attitude to hide the fact that i was tweaking inside. now the fact that he knew got me thinking two things:

1. he knew i liked him during all the time i 'subtly' tried to get close to him and he shut me out in the driest way possible. im gonna curl up in a hole and wither into nonexistence.

2. he knew he had the opportunity to get over S before he fell hard simply by giving me a chance. but he chose to ruin his lifelong friendship then even consider being with me??

sorry im rambling but im 18 and ive never been liked or pursued by anyone and im the only one in my friendgroup with less than 0 experience which always makes me wonder if theres something wrong with me. there are moments where i see the good in me, but the negative thoughts almost always seem to outweigh the positive ones and the whole situation only seemed to fuel them and im once again so sorry for yapping so much.

the way this isnt even all because this whole situation caused me to almost lose my bestest friend too but thats a story for another day (maybe)

The idea that you're "unlikeable" comes to you, because in this instance, you were rejected by 100% of the people you had feelings for. Even though that was simply one person, to your brain, it feels like you would be undesirable to the whole world, because that one person- 100%- of the ones you wanted, weren't into you.

18 years old is also quite genuinely no age. I'd be concerned if you had been 'pursued' by loads of potential suitors. Most 18 year olds are, through no fault of their own and in no way an insult, so worried about themselves and where they fit in the world and how they come across to people, that they struggle to relax enough to really enjoy their romantic relationships without all the extraneous pressures anyway.

Tone down of the self loathing and work on the self reflection instead. Take a deep breath and a step back, and look at your perceived flaws objectively; what could you do to improve them? How can you work on making the best parts of you dominant? Being happier with and more confident in your own character is so much more important than being in a relationship.

It is FUCKING ROUGH and mortifying to have to reframe your memories of trying to get close to this guy, with the new information that he always knew and was rejecting you the whole time, adding context you never had. This will probably be one of those memories that makes you cringe at 25 years old, 35 years old, 55 years old...you get the point. You did nothing wrong; it's just one of those things. I'm sorry.

I fully, fully appreciate the yearning for love. It will come, really.

It is important, and perhaps difficult to accept thoughts, that it likely wasn't Her OR You. It does, truthfully, sound like he did not consider you an option at this point, for whatever reason; it certainly sounds so based on what your mutual friend says. So the anger of "he chose xxx over ME?!" is likely uncalled for, even though it's bloody hard being rejected.

I'm sorry your shitty friend went for your other shitty friend instead. They've got a lot of growing and learning to do as well.

And stop hating yourself. You're not detestable, like seem to think you are.

☝️ you, getting ready to go after these guys, I think, but you shouldn't, just BREATHE

Love,

-- Haitch xxx

[theghostbunnie]

favorite David headcannon:

Okay this is a long one so just hold on: I HC David at first loved the *concept* and "legacy" of Camp Campbell rather than what it actually was. He idolized Cameron and he idolized this experience he had as a child rather than having a love for the reality of it. He wanted these kids to relive that same experience rather than have a version of their own. This isn't to say he's malicious or something and he's all "it's my way or the highway" it's actually just him being blinded my his emotional attachment. Although these kids were rude and cursed and often were unengaged or hard to deal with, Season 1 David I don't genuinely believe was willing to hear them out on what THEY wanted and just wanted to give them that same "authentic, on brand camp campbell experience" he had. He loved doing his job to work TOWARDS that, to spread this good feeling this he realized this place brought and make them see it to.

Actually working with these kids? was actually a hassle. If season 1 David was given the option to trade them out for a different group that was more willing to participate in his activities I think he actually would've stewed on it and rationalized to himself how "I'm sure these kids will be happier spending their summer elsewhere and they'll probably all come back next year anyways after I do such a great job with this new group that camp campbell gets put on the map as the best summer camp ever" Because David occasionally DOES act selfishly he just never acts so INTENTIONALLY. Being blind to his flaws is one OF those flaws.

It takes him awhile to even remember these kids' names. He has a different situation with Max, this favoritism, bc he wants this "realization" for him to happen more than the rest like he had at his age, because he reminds him of himself. He remembers Max's name bc he's been there more than just that summer, one of few if not the only repeating camper.

This all sort of comes to a head at order of the sparrow. David is at a very low point in his goal and he doesn't know how to get through to them. He doesn't even think about asking these kids what they want. His big fix-all plan, this great idea he has to bring everyone together and get them to have the same spark he went through is to repeat a big camp campbell tradition.

Reiterating his emotional attachment to it's "legacy" rather than the reality of the situation.

I also believe, at the end of the same episode, when everyone dresses up and starts the bonfire, it's the start of the turning point for David.

During the parent's day episode, David is ENTIRELY preoccupied with pleasing Cameron. Covering up for Cameron. Helping. Cameron. Ect. Max has been kinda a little shit here or there, (comments on Gwen's weight, ect) but when they're about to go on stage he's?? actually not?? No, he's setting a firm, clear, boundary. This kid is yelling "I don't want to do this" and David actually yells back at him, and even if Gwen never found those papers, he still would've been somewhat in the wrong for that, and wouldn't have even realized.

He would've made Max put on a show to save Cameron's hide and he wouldn't have saw problem with it. Not out of anything malicious, again, he's just blinded by emotional attachment.

So when there's soild proof in his face, he has this moment of realization that comforting and listening to Max is the more important thing to handle. That's the end of the turning point for David. The kids' are not important just to help the camp be a camp, the kids are important to him.

When Mr.Campbell comes back for revenge (and David has to take an entire episode to have that spelled out for him bc, again, he's blinded by this idolized version of him) He even says this to him.

"All you care about is these stupid kids!" "That's. That's the job. You really don't get that, do you?"

After that, from season 1 to 4, David goes from prioritizing his memory-made idolized fantasy to prioritizing the kids. He went from struggling to remember their names and not bothering to be polite about it, to having an itemized list on each of their individual needs because he's gotten to know them so well and has really grown to care about them. (If you're wondering what I'm talking about when Cameron gets left in charge for the night he tries referencing this list basically, specifically Nurf being the one who needs a tough-love approach)

Max may have started out as the favorite but as time went on his affection and attachment to the rest of the campers' grew aswell and YES David is going to cry at the thought of parting ways with all these kids at the end of summer from Nurf to Spacekid and everyone in-between.

[animelga]

I saw a post on the Bleach subreddit which asked about which parts of the series people found most disappointing. And a lot of people there obviously said Chad, and I agree - But I want to be more specific. Chad in the Lost Agent arc is some of the most blatant missed potential I've ever seen.

I think its pretty easy to infer that each of Bleach's five arcs focuses on one of its five originally-introduced main characters. This is something my librarian-coded brain adores!! Our lineup, as introduced in Substitute Shinigami, is Ichigo, Rukia, Orihime, Chad and Uryu (Renji gets added to that group later, but ignore that for now). The first two are pretty obvious - Substitute Shinigami introduces us to Ichigo's character and his moral code, what he fights for, what potential he has. Rukia, or more specifically the Shinigami as a whole, are of course the focus of the Soul Society arc - even though she's trapped in a cell for lots of it, characters like Renji, Ganju and Byakuya specifically serve to explore the different sides of her character. Both her and Ichigo are of course important throughout Bleach in its entirety, but these two first arcs put them and their relationships with those close to them in the focus far more than atany point later in the series.

Arrancar arc and TYBW are pretty self-explanatorily Orihime and Uryu-focused, if arguably a bit misguided with TYBW in particular. Even though, again, Orihime spends most of Arrancar stuck in a cell, she shows tremendous growth and maturity, and the entire arc's theming of what it means to have a heart is centered entirely on her. And Uyru...well, Uryu is the center of the conflict in TYBW, despite it definitely feeling underwritten in the Manga. I think thats mainly a result of its rushed pacing by the back half though, and it seems to be getting resolved with the adaptation now. So I'll hold off on Uryu for now - his treatment is salvageable and if nothing else he's always gotten at least one golden moment to shine in all other arcs.

That only leaves Chad and Lost Agent - a perfect fit for one another, and something Kubo himself was pretty clearly going for at the start. Its Chad's disappearance that instigates the drama, he's there with Xcution to help Ichigo regain his powers, and the existence of Fullbring in general elegantly explains where Chad's powers came from in a way that's true to his character (the "pride in the color of my skin" line is still one of his best character moments imo). It is, effectively, an arc built entirely around answering the questions Chad himself asked about his powers back in the Arrancar arc.

And then...nothing. He explains his powers, helps Ichigo, he trains to get stronger in a video game, and...then falls under Tsukishima's mind powers and gets knocked unconscious. Only for the Soul Reapers to show up and do all the fighting again - even characters like Byakuya and Kenpachi, who clearly don't have any material for growth when pit against the Fullbringers, show up just to clean house. To me it reeks of Kubo deciding to include fan-favorite characters toward the end of the arc just to make people happier with it, since Lost Agent in general was so divisive. Though it was obviously earned for Rukia to return in order to give Ichigo his powers back, having everyone else also show up to do the work of other characters for them felt kind of like a slap in the face.

It feels so obvious in hindsight, but Chad and Tsukishima would have been a borderline perfect matchup for a fight to move the arc to a satisfying conclusion. Out of the entire core cast, Chad is the one who feels most motivated by his past to act - he remembers his Abuelo's words, he remembers his times in turmoil with Ichigo, he remembers just how hard he's had it in life and fights to make sure nobody else has to suffer like him. Pitting him against the character able to alter memories would've been a genuinely fantastic challenge of character, and would've made for the most satisfying Chad victory the series could've pulled. Even though Tsukishima isn't Bleach's strongest villain, he's certainly one of its scariest and most potentially dangerous, and Chad's entire personality and design is built around protecting others from such harm.

Instead, Kubo just kind of... procrastinated with Chad, always hinting at more to come, hoping maybe anotber matchup as good as Tsukishima would roll around eventually. Only for him to still gst nothing to do for all of TYBW, and his send-off being to fight some stone statues off-screen.

It's such a shame, imagining what could've been, and remembering just how damn cool Chad is when he actually gets to play with the cool kids.

[rubberhoze]

ive had thoughts abt this for a while now and i guess im finally voicing this but

for so many years before i had so many concepts and ideas and aus for like toon content (yknow me yknow this blog) but what i did ever end up posting was a very very small fraction of the ideas i did have. like i was very inspired in that time and i was always thinking of like neat concepts and ideas but because i was so afraid of backlash or people thinking im weird or """cringe""" or taking toon content too seriously i never ended up posting those ideas (and the stuff i did post was once again a very small fraction of all of it) and they ended up forgotten in the many many folders i have on my computer.

once in a while ill go through and look at my old art that ive saved over the years and ill think like.. damn!! this rules!! why didnt i ever share this!! and i guess in theory i Can still share those but because of both memory issues and also loss of interest i wouldnt really be able to tell you about all the neat little concepts i had in my head in that time, not the way i could have back then. and its just a shame yknow?

i really wish that back then i had the confidence to really express myself and my ideas through my art (i did do that back then and i also do now but i know i also had So much more back then that i never showed) and on that note i really wish that during that time on the internet people hadnt gotten so hostile to like.. genuinity and all that you know? sincerity? i feel like its gotten a little bit better since then (or maybe i just curate my stuff better lol) i do see many artists express themselves they really want to which is honestly different to the things i saw back in the mid-late 2010's. everyone was so full of irony back then (and theres still a lot of irony-poisoned people to this day BUT I DIGRESS) and im just so tired of that

id rather be genuine and sincere even if it means that ill be like cringe or embarassing or whatever. who cares!! sure peggle make phone calls who gives a shit anymore!! im tired of being afraid of the reception i will get if i post the content that i really truly feel something towards, even if its something like a silly au or whatever, if it makes me happy i should be able to post it to my own damn blog without being afraid of what responses i will get

overall i really regret not posting things that even if they were silly they Did make me happy back then or brought me comfort or anything. maybe other artists feel different about this but i really wish i had posted more of just whatever i wanted!! maybe if i did i probably would have been a little embarassed but i feel i wouldve been happier still than not sharing anything at all

so if you see this post and maybe youre afraid of the same things i did back then, take this as a sign to let loose and do whatever the hell you want. as long as youre not harming anyone and you just want to have fun then you can use your blog however you like. and if anyone harasses you or bothers you or questions you about it ill bite their head off ok? im cheering you on forever 👍

[aroacesafeplaceforall]

To answer your question about dating:

I am aroace, and I was in a relationship for two and a half months. This was before I knew I was aroace (at the time, I just thought I was asexual). I enjoyed spending time with the person, and I really liked them as a person. Some of my favorite memories from those two months are with them. However, there were some obvious signs that we had different expectations for this relationship (and also life). First, was a conversation about the future. I mentioned that I have never wanted to get married, but my partner very much envisioned themself getting married and having a family. Another sign was when my partner asked me about kissing—something I hadn’t been thinking about, but they had been thinking about a lot. As much as I liked my partner, the idea of kissing them made me feel really uncomfortable.

They broke up with me because they sensed a lot of distance between us. I genuinely wasn’t that sad, and I even felt lighter (because I no longer had to worry about what would happen between us). At the time, I attributed the distance to our busy schedules—especially as we approached the end of the semester and had finals. Now, I wonder if I was unconsciously putting distance between us because I didn’t want our relationship to be any more serious than it already was.

Being in this relationship helped me discover my identity as aroace. I learned that dating isn’t something with which I particularly comfortable. Looking back, there were so many obvious signs that I just wasn’t interested the same way my partner was, but in the moment I attributed them to my being nervous because it was my first relationship.

It sounds funny to say, but I am glad that I did date someone because it helped me to realize that dating isn’t for me. And, it helped me to discover my aromantic identity, as well. (I think I would have gone my whole life thinking I was straight, but just not interested in anyone otherwise.) I feel so much happier knowing that I don’t have to pursue a romantic relationship. By embracing my aroace identity, I have been the happiest I’ve ever been.

Sounds like a roller coaster anon!