#but I'm ashamed of some of the people in this fandom tbh)

[finduilasclln]

.

[paranoiddreams]

Random Headcannons: Yuji✰

ღ Warnings!! - Sukuna is a whole tw, some of them are a little suggestive but in a goofy way (?), me just yapping tbh, explicit language, mentions of Drake😖, marijuana use🍃, ADHD mentions, he’s kinda brainrotted okay?

ღ A/n!! - Some may be ooc to yall but this is how I see him in my head tbh😭 I’m just going off of vibes. Lmk who you want next! Requests for any fandom on my navi are always welcome!! I’m also working on a longer fic rn, so to that anon who sent a Sukuna request (yk who you are), it’s coming soon🫵🏻😈

Masterlist | navi

Was so invested in the Kendrick Lamar vs. Drake situation Imao. He knew everything that happened from when it started to when it unofficially ended.

Yaps about it to anyone who will listen, and let’s be honest, everyone will because he's such a charming guy

Might just be me, but I feel strongly that Yuji had an emo phase in his middle schools years. I'm talking My Chemical Romance kinda emo, yk, the freaky ones

Not speaking out of experience or anything haha😶‍🌫️

Does actually love J law, and will watch compilations on YouTube at 3 am. What can he say? He's a loyal man.

He watches CaseOh 100% and does have notifs for him on

Chronic iPad kid, it's bad

And to make things worse he can't eat without watching anything (like most of us let's be fr)

He uses the excuse that "kings have always had entertainment while they feast back in the day, what's the difference?”

Sukuna literally couldn't be more ashamed to be in this gen z brainrot teenager's body.

DOES NOT play around when it comes to a Roblox tycoon. Don't cross ma boy in his tycoons.

Actually talks to Sukuna telepathically(?) sometimes. Like when he's bored he'll just-

"Sukuna, do you actually have two dicks?"

"Shut the fuck up."

Most likely listens to Tame Impala, Cuco, Suicideboy$, maybe even a little Pierce the veil time to time. Also loves K-pop and girl groups like BTS, New Jeans, and ENHYPHEN.

His biases are Jungkook, Hanni, & Jake :3

Considered using his hand mouth thing to jerk off one time, but was swiftly turned away from the idea when Sukuna heard him think of it and told him he'd kill him instantly : (

Smokes 🍃 every once in a while when he has a weekend free

He’s a talker when he’s high fs

Will go off about conspiracy theories, and this sounds cliche, but istg he would do this shi

He’s a genuine conspiracy theorist when he’s sober too tbh

But Indica gets him talking🤝

I kinda wrote abt this in one of my requests, but I think that Yuji is a huge fan of getting scared and just having that thrill

Haunted houses, scary movies, music, stories, he loves all of it.

I mean, Gojo made him watch like one million bajillion (real) movies, so ofc he’s grown a fondness for anything over the top disturbing/cheesy

He’s one of those people who’s annoyingly good at everything he tries on the FIRST try.

He doesn’t mean to, but he will one up anyone he’s in the room with😭

Yuji DOES NOT fuck with Xbox, he’s a PlayStation girlie✨

He has a thing for chubby girls 😶‍🌫️ just dropping this here bc I may or may not have smth in the works…

He’d be able to make friends with a roach in the corner of the room, he’s such a caring, compassionate guy, but we already knew this.

Gives ADHD realness

Has definitely called Gojo ‘dad’ by accident a few times before.

Strikes me as the type to flirt and not even realize…

F2L &/or grumpy x sunshine vibes all the way!!!

[joesalw]

I'm more of a casual listener of Taylor. I've never been into the fandom, and I like some of her older stuff. I never really liked her as a person, but I also never looked into it because I don't care lmao. But my partner really likes her and we were listening to TTPD in the car and every other song we would just look at eachother like 'wow this shit sucks'. I just kept thinking to myself, she wants to sound like Pheobe Bridgers/Lana del Ray SO BAD but she just... doesn't have any life experience to make this type of music work. Listening to these songs as someone who went to a mental ward twice for suicide... it just feels insulting. It feels even worse when I see people online eating it up and treating her juvinile lyrics and redundant backtracks as if they are curing their depression.

This album is just the epitome of how mental disorders are trivialized online, and its played dead straight to appeal to the masses. She should really be ashamed for further popularizing this kind of behavior, and tbh, so should her fans.

Also, as soon as 'Fresh Out The Slammer' came on I just laughed out loud. Come on Taylor... you've probably never even been grounded... bffr

i just can't believe that the worst experience/trauma in her life is that she can't keep a man. like imagine being so privileged? of course she doesn’t have enough life experience to make these type of music work, she just sounds like a brat in this album (exactly how a billionaire with two jets would sound)

[tonydaddingham]

What is your take on the whole "the Metatron threatened Aziraphale off-screen & Aziraphale lied to protect Crowley" theory that seems to have become very popular in the fandom? Personally, I think it does raise some interesting points, but I'm not sold on it for a variety of reasons. I love your metas btw! ❤️

hi anon!💕 thank you so much, that's very kind of you!

gosh, been a while since i've had a meta ask!✨ hmm. tbh, im in two camps, and i do think there's some merit in the two of them matching up. i wrote a couple of posts on this, breaking down the final fifteen practically shot-by-shot, and have read countless different takes from other brilliantly observant people, but essentially my thought process is this (lengthy explanation under the cut, im afraid - im a bit meta-rusty):

aziraphale did not want to go to heaven. that much is clear from the two refusals he gives the metatron. furthermore, he rejects heaven for what it currently is and what it stands for (and, arguably imo, reaches the end of his tether with god, too) in s1, when he realises that heaven is also firmly working to bring about armageddon. that it wasn't just the agenda of the archangels; the metatron, the voice of god, confirms that war is the goal, no matter the collateral. and god does not intervene. this continues throughout s2; aziraphale is notably still disdainful of heaven, is happy enough being separated from it... but it should be noted that he has replaced heaven, and the structure and comfort it offered him, with crowley ("it's nice to tell someone about the good things you've done... now that im not reporting to heaven...")

i do think what we're shown on screen is accurate. there's allowance for the fact that the flashbacks to the aziraphale-metatron conversation may be biased and therefore unreliable, being from aziraphale's pov, but... i don't think there will be anything necessarily revealed that wasn't shown to us in the FF. there might be snippets of that conversation that he's kept from crowley, but has essentially seen fit to share with the audience... so personally i think it's accurate, and nothing is missing. and tbh, if nothing else, it would feel narratively cheap if the 'solution' to the FF was in something being purposefully withheld from the audience. in that respect, i do take the FF at face value

we know that aziraphale has a low evaluation of himself. it's presented to us that he's evidently hedonistic and enjoys earthly pleasures just as much as crowley does, but i don't think it's as evident until shax's jabs during the demon raid just how much aziraphale actually might be - frankly - ashamed of these things. i think on a fundamental level he likes being an angel, it's all he's ever known. but even if he accepts that he may be a bit of a bastard - is even slightly proud of it - i think he's equally self-conscious of the fact that who he truly is will never be enough for heaven, god, or to warrant his own angelhood, and all these things he enjoys equally serve as a source of shame in how far it removes him from what his belief on what a good angel should be

in the same vein, he's caught between the devil and the deep blue sea in that he might feel that he's not enough for crowley, either. case in point for me, unfortunately, is that crowley has constantly reaffirmed that they are both on their own side, but when aziraphale opts to shelter gabriel, arguably the right thing to do for many reasons but ultimately because that's the kind of person aziraphale is (imo), crowley retracts it... possibly unconsciously, and completely understandably, but aziraphale definitely notes it ("i thought we carved it out for ourselves!") and his resulting petulant, bratty dismissal is textbook responding to rejection with rejection. especially when aziraphale clearly was not totally on side with "our own side" at the end of s1, but has come around to it and accepted it in the four years since. so, it feels like aziraphale has done what he considers to be the right thing to do, a core principle of who he is in modern day (having learnt some very hard lessons along the way) but that's enough for crowley to take back everything he had said previously

aziraphale loves crowley, that much is evident. and he may well remember the angel that crowley used to be with some degree of fondness. however, a) im not sold that the pre-fall flashback is aziraphale's POV, and b) that does not mean that aziraphale preferred crowley as an angel. imo, he fell for crowley whilst he was a demon, but because crowley was crowley. a demon that pretends otherwise, but is at heart, just a little bit, a good person. the concept of good is important to aziraphale, but he hasn't removed it from being a purely angelic trait. ergo, i think he considers crowley to have fallen unfairly, that it was a gross injustice (and i say this fully believing that 'just asking questions' may not have been the reason why crowley fell), and that if anyone deserves to be restored - to be forgiven and essentially be asked for forgiveness in return - its crowley

similarly, i think we can be led to assume that aziraphale doesn't actually know anything about crowley's fall, nor his actual thoughts and feelings on the matter. all he knows is what crowley told him - "sauntered vaguely downwards" - and up until the FF crowley hasn't truly (as far as i can recall) ever declared that he doesn't want the chance to be an angel again. he's obviously derisive of heaven, that is very clear, but when he states "unforgivable, that's what i am", i think that registered to aziraphale that crowley might feel like he won't be forgiven, but doesn't mean he wouldn't want it. all the sneers crowley has volleyed at heaven and the archangels might have been, up until now, simply been anger and resentment for something that was unfair in the first place. add to this that crowley has been placed in danger on multiple occasions by hell, and again i think the offer of restoration - to be beyond the reach of hell altogether - is lucrative to aziraphale... and it's now within his power to give.

so. i do think that there is an implicit threat in the aziraphale-metatron discussion. aziraphale visibly becomes very uncomfortable when crowley is brought up, the exact nature of their relationship heavily implied as not having escaped the metatron's notice. aziraphale is not happy as he walks back to the bookshop, and he's erratic and scattered when he delivers the news and offer to crowley. a threat may not have been intended, let alone been vocalised, but i do think aziraphale feels under threat of some kind... that any way you slice it, he doesn't feel like he has any choice in returning to heaven, and instead chooses to make hay whilst the sun shines etc.

but equally... i think aziraphale believes the best in everyone and everything. he has constantly been ostracised, mocked, or ignored as being irrelevant to heaven - and even himself perhaps wonders if he should be an angel at all. but here the metatron is, recognising that aziraphale might be "the angel for the job". whilst i don't think aziraphale buys in to the metatron's flattery, because im fairly sure that the angel as demonstrably intelligent as he is would potentially consider that the flattery is superficial and overplayed (especially given how nearly all of it contradicts the s1 conversation that he and the metatron had), i do think aziraphale might be thinking '...yeah, i am the angel for the job. just not the job you're intending'.

metatron mentions nothing about 'making a difference', but that's exactly what aziraphale tries to implore with crowley; that they could change things, and him being in charge - with crowley by his side, in on the subterfuge - might just be what is required. exactly as the people they currently are. there is something about heaven that aziraphale believes is worth saving, and i think that's where the "its the side of truth, of light... of good" comes in. qualities that he thinks heaven should be, was always meant to be, and he could restore. crowley however considers the endeavour to be utterly pointless.

i also think there's an element of doublespeak going on... kinda. more specifically, that aziraphale is speaking to two audiences in the scene (three, if you count us!); he's talking in a way that sounds entirely like he's dancing to metatron's tune, that he's heaven's man through-and-through... but also in a way that he's trying to sell the idea to crowley in turn - and is speaking in a way that won't tip either audience off to the full reality of the situation as he sees it. i wouldn't go so far as to say it's a code, though - e.g. i personally don't accept the ''time out' signal but crowley missed it' theory - but instead that he's trying to lead the metatron into underestimating him, and also perhaps downplay the exact truth of the situation from crowley. if crowley were to know that aziraphale is frightened or uneasy, or felt under threat in any way, i think he might be afraid that crowley would do something drastic, or at least inadvertently give 'the game' away. nonetheless though, he has to reveal some of his true intentions to crowley, in order to bring him on side - just very subtly.

regarding the restoration offer - kinda went over it above, but i do think aziraphale genuinely thought that crowley would want it, and would take it not just so he could be an angel again, but also in order to help change heaven and be with aziraphale. that being said, as he walks into the bookshop, i think a part of him recognised it might be a hard sell, and instead aziraphale would need to frame it in a way as being like... a disguise, or a cover, or some sort? but aziraphale severely underestimated crowley's feelings on heaven and angelhood, even if i don't think it was an unfair assumption to make, either. aziraphale was excited about it because it was something he could actually give crowley, something within his power to bestow - to right a wrong that he's possibly always thought was a gross injustice ever since job.

god im sorry this has taken so long but - no, i don't think the metatron threatened aziraphale off-screen, but i do think aziraphale feels threatened by the discussion and implications within it, and whilst feeling that he has no way out, instead opts to return to heaven to exact his influence - as an angel that's not like the rest of them - and to play his own game... to do the right thing, and make a difference.

and no, i don't think he lied to crowley to protect him. i think he had to toe a line between 'the metatron might somehow be able to hear and observe us, so i have to speak in such a way that makes it seem im on heaven's side', and 'what i say to crowley has to be without cottoning him onto the fact that i feel threatened, bc a) he might do something silly and b) the metatron would know, but what i say also has to be worded so that he can see why i truly want to go back'.

thank you for the ask, i really enjoyed it!!! sorry you have to read an essay tho oops💕

[loquarocoeur]

are you a bit ashamed of posting some stories sometimes because you’re aware it’s like 99% smut ? or do you know we’re as crazy as you are and will enjoy anything you give us ?

Hm, well, considering the things I've read (and enjoyed) in my lifetime as an ao3 enthusiast I don't think I can really be ashamed of what I've written...

But I do sometimes get a tiny bit self-conscious, I'll admit

It's less than you'd think though, because it's actually only when it's something that's like really oh okay this does something for me, and I'm really sorry to admit, but I'd say a good 80% of the smut I've written weirdly does nothing for me, I was just fucking around tbh or it was all just there to allow me to put in that one line or thing that actually means something to me

Also a large part of me not caring is that you guys aren't really real people to me, you're just pixels in my screen

Like idk how other people perceive their readers, but you guys aren't real. I can't comprehend you until someone is a serial commenter or someone dm's me as a real human and I'm like uh what. And fandom policy is don't like don't read so if there's ever an actually negative comment the writing is like so not the biggest issue there

Also you have to consider I've stared at my docs and my fics so much at this point that I am very desensitised and I only realise oh wow this was a bit wild like.. after I've posted it at which point there has always been someone who said they liked it and I'm like okay idc anymore as long as 1 person is weird with me I'm like yep cool immediately no longer self conscious

But yes sometimes I do need to hold my own hand and be like hey, it's okay, you're allowed to put e rated things on the website.. which is dedicated to e rated things. That's like.. the point.

Anyway yeah some fics waayyy more than others, but it also depends on lots of things so like yeah

And also there is always someone in the inbox that is in fact so much worse than me which is so comforting actually

I'm realising now that this ask probably did not require an essay but it's too late now you got the essay

[writergracethepanda]

🔥 choose violence ask game 🔥 Secret Shanghai Edition

the character everyone gets wrong

Marshall. He is canonically an excellent cook, s why are we convinced he'd set something on fire if left alone in the kitchen?

a compelling argument for why your fave would never top or bottom

no comment

screenshot or description of the worst take you've seen on tumblr

EVERY SINGLE DAMN TIME I have seen Alisa and Phoebe shipped (let aroace people live and bisexuals are still bisexual even in a seemingly hetero relationship) or those takes I've seen on TikTok of people shipping Rosalind and Benedikt and Celia and Marshall if I weren't on my computer I would put sooooo many barf emojis here

what was the last straw that made you finally block that annoying person?

luckily nothing yet I believe

worst discord server and why

mine with my friends its sooo annoying how we have incredibly amazing and intelligent and sometimes incoherent conversations like guys we're the worst (sarcasm)

which ship fans are the most annoying?

like I said, anyone who ships the above things needs to stay 10 feet away from me at all times and undergo intense media literacy training

what character did you begin to hate not because of canon but because how how the fandom acts about them?

I think everyone's answer for this is Oliver. I'm so sorry we (especially me tbh) did you so dirty pre fhh I promise we've learnt our lesson!

common fandom opinion that everyone is wrong about

Oliver loves cats. incorrect. Cats are his entire life. there is a difference, and we need to recognize it.

worst part of canon

roma and Alisa's dad just disappeared before I could beat him up

worst part of fanon

we're too funny my stomach literally hurts from laughing too hard sometimes. Seriously though, the above ship takes that make my blood boil, as well as some complaints about how a lot of us talk about how we think certain characters are neurodivergent/disabled. While I think some of those are actually considered canon, I don't understand why people are so made that we (a relatively neurospicy bunch) are identifying the parts of characters we relate to and labeling them. We're doing you no harm and not interfering with your ability to enjoy the characters. Shouldn't it be a good thing that we're able to identify with the characters? Just mind your business. (also anyone who erases Rosalind's and Alisa's aroaceness that is indeed canon and I hope both sides of your pillow are too warm)

number of fandom-related words you've filtered

I don't think any

the unpopular character that you actually like and why more people should like them

I don't think anyone hates these guys, but why don't we ever talk about the couple from LVC? They were so sweet, and I'm kind of sad we didn't get any mention of them in FHH.

worst blorboficiation

I feel like a bad Tumblr user, but I don't know what this means. is this like uwu-ification?

that one thing you see in fics all the time

@typingwithmyhandstied 's GENIUS

that one thing you see in fanart all the time

Juliette always has the appropriate amount of knives thank you very much for that guys :)

you can't understand why so many people like this thing (characterization, trope, headcanon, etc)

I personally don't get into the Rosalind is a vampire thing, but I'm cheering you guys on from afar (im just not into vampires lol)

there should be more of this type of fic/art

idk I should probably work on my university au

it's absolutely criminal that the fandom has been sleeping on...

the fact that not only did she feel comfortable falling asleep around Orion (see one of @no-1-rosalind-lang-apologist 's recent posts) but Rosalind was also muttering in French in that scene. Her dominant language. She was both out of it enough/comfortable enough with him that she dropped the I was raised in American fake accent and just started speaking normally in this essay I will- basically we need to talk more about the use of multilingualism in the ss books

you're mad/ashamed/horrified you actually kind of like...

past me would be horrified to know that I like Oliver now

part of canon you found tedious or boring

I think TVD can be a bit boring sometimes, but that makes sense, since it was Chloe's debut, and she's grown immensely since then

part of canon you think is overhyped

the seagreen trio is overrated (they are literally my favorite characters)

your favorite part of canon that everyone else ignores

THE MULTILIGUALISM

ship you've unwillingly come around to

Olivercelia. Like I said, I was his strongest hater pre fhh. Now I see what she clearly sees in him.

topic that brings up the most rancid discourse

discourse on ss Tumblr is mostly joking. my personal favorite is when @marsneedstherapy and I pretend to yell at each other in different languages

common fandom complaint that you're sick of hearing

"no one appreciates x enough" I do. I love them.

[vanmarkus]

is everything okay?

aww you're so sweet for checking in 🫶

i'm okay, i'm just genuinely apathetic towards this fandom as a whole rn

between people rehashing the exact same discourse literally every week and 12yo kids sending anons i would've been ashamed of when i was their age, let alone now (which makes the anon part all the more understandable i guess) and the way some people have this weird parasocial relationship with the actors and the creators they've never met or talked to — either romantically or hatefully — while also having an incredibly loose relationship with reality and just the hiatus in general...

idk man, i've been in fandom spaces for a long time and i've never seen anything as stupid as 911 like... sure spn was a mess and voltron was a violent mess (and i only saw both of those from the sidelines) and ofc sherlock was a dumpster fire... but this is a primetime procedural, essentially a soap. (i wonder what soap fandoms are like tbh?? is there such a thing? anyway...)

i'm just too tired to care is all.

[unforth]

I've been trying for ages to figure out how to put something into words about The Youth In Fandom and I still don't think I've quite got it but I did reach an insight about it that I think is valuable enough that I'm gonna take a stab at writing it.

For starters, I want to make it clear, there is no "The Youth In Fandom Problem." Based on my efforts running the art sideblogs for danmei fandoms, I can say with a fair degree of confidence that a vast minority of people of all ages are antis, purity wankers, pro-censorship, ageist, etc. Even among people who mark their bios with their age, it's a shockingly low percentage of people under 18 who are being super weird about this stuff, and I think that's something a lot of older folks bemoaning The Younger Generation could stand to know and be reminded of. This isn't a majority, it's just a vocal minority, and tbh...that vocal minority has always been there, at least in my own fandom experiences.

That said, I've personally been the target of "y r u in fandom, old woman? Go take care of your kids!" bullshit, and yes it's definitely real and yes it definitely happens. (I am not old, I am not a woman, I was here before the people who said that to me were born, and I spend all the rest of my time taking care of my kids, so...).

All that introduction is to posit a theory:

The kinds of people who say "you should grow out of it, you're too old for fandom, etc." don't actually really...like what they like.

I know that sounds batshit. They're here blogging about it 24/7, of course they're obsessed! But I really genuinely find myself wondering...like...are they actually obsessed? Or are they just performing obsessed because that's what their peer group is doing? Are they just following along with their friends, mimicking their friends' enthusiasm, going with the flow because they're scared of what will happen if they say "actually I didn't think that show was very good"?

I ended up with this as a theory to posit because is to arrive at "you should grow out of it," you have to start with "I will grow out of it." And to get to "I will grow out of it," you have to start with "I may be into this now but I will definitely Change." And to get to "I will definitely Change," you have to start with the base assumption that loving certain types of media isn't just part of who you are, but rather a temporary persona you've assumed overlaying some deeper Self that will be revealed with time - or that's already been revealed and that you're deliberately masking for whatever reason.

Lemme put it less abstractly (but more longwindedly, lmao).

When I was 16, I was fucking terrified. There were all these things I loved - Star Trek, Hercules and Xena, Babylon 5, Slayers, Evangelion, Fushigi Yuugi, the Wheel of Time, many others - some I'd been into for years, some I'd only just discovered. And I looked at the adults in the world around me, who didn't sleep with stuffed toys, who got into long-term romantic and sexual relationships, who settled into careers that they stuck with for 20, 30, 40 years, who had heaps of responsibilities, and it was so frightening I literally had trouble sleeping at night. My senior year of high school, I trained myself to sleep with a pillow instead of a stuffie because "what would people in college think if they saw me snuggling a stuffed wolf?" That was something I was prepared to sacrifice to be An Adult (tm), something I was (irrationally) ashamed of, something that wasn't so much a part of my personhood that I couldn't give it up. When I left home to go to school at 17, I left my wolf at home. (I brought him with me a year later, and he's now on my bookshelf. Less disposable than 16-year-old me thought, as it turns out, but that's another story.) But there were things about myself I wasn't prepared to sacrifice to fit in during college. I still wore my Star Wars shirt. I still hung my anime posters. I still listened to J Pop. My roommate might judge me. My classmates might judge me. My professors might judge me. I didn't care. Loving those were part of who I was, and I wasn't prepared to give that up.

I found solace by looking at the adults in my life who hadn't had to give up their "childish fancies." I looked at my mother, who introduced me to Star Trek, and thought if she didn't have to stop loving Star Trek to be An Adult, then why should I? I looked at my grandfather, on whose bookshelves I first found the Lord of the Rings, and thought if he didn't have to give up LotR to be An Adult, then why should I? They might not wear fandom shirts, they might not go to conventions, they might not engage in the same way that I did, but they still loved these things, and it gave me hope.

When I was saw adults who still did fan things, who dressed how they wanted, who had cool hair styles or colors, who had tattoos, I thought "wow, what a cool person. I hope I get to grow up to be like them. I hope I'll be that comfortable in my own skin when I'm that age, because I'm sure not that comfortable in my own skin NOW."

I'll have to change in some ways - find A Career, figure out this "attraction" thing everyone keeps fucking talking about, buy a house, all the rest - but I'll be able to love the things I love.

I will still be "me" when I'm an adult, just Me-Plus-More.

I wanted to grow up to be that adult. I was prepared to take figurative arrows, to fight, to slog through, to retain the part of me that felt most valuable - my ability to love the things I loved without apologizing for it. And I knew I could do that, because I already had. Man, the shit people gave me in middle school for being an out-and-proud Trekkie? smh. It was baaaaad.

Time passes. Now I'm 40, and yes, I have changed. I've had more than one career. I got married. I figured out I never did have to figure out that "attraction" shit because I learned asexuality existed and. uh. Oh. I had children. I bought a house.

And I still have a bookcase of manga and I still have a Tumblr blog and I've found new fandoms - many, many new fandoms - nearly all for franchises that didn't even exist when I was 16 and so so scared that I used to literally break down and cry over the prospect of "having" to "give up childish things."

I got myself through on the belief that I'd still be me, and I was right. More than 20 years later, I AM still me.

And that's what leads me back to "why do The Youth think they'll age out of fandom?" And it leads me back to "I can only assume their fandom participation is mostly performative." Because look. This is who I was when I was 10 and read Lord of the Rings, and it was who I was when I was 12 and I started watching Star Trek when Voyager debuted, and it's who I was when I was 17 and I pulled an all-nighter to watch the second season of Fushigi Yuugi, and it's who I was when I was 21 and spent my birthday totally sober and gaming with my friends, and it's who I was at 26 when I got buried up to my eyeballs in Supernatural, and it's who I was at 37 when I watched The Untamed and knew as easy as breathing oh my god I've found the next obsession.

If it's an embraced, realized, adored part of your persona, there's absolutely no reason to think it's going to go away. And there's no reason nor need for it to. There are always gonna be people who judge others for having passions, and there are always gonna be people who embrace others for having passions, and you just gotta identify and avoid the former and find and adore the latter. If you're young, and you love fandom, and you're afraid you, too, will "have to" give up childish things...congratulations! You've got nothing to be afraid of! You never have to change that aspect of yourself!

But...I know these teens on Tumblr who are bullying others already know that because they can see us everywhere. And instead of going, as I did, "oh wow, those older people who still love the things they love are cool! how reassuring! I can be like them!" they think "EW OLD PERSON NOT ALLOWED THIS IS MY ROOM DO NOT ENTER."

And that's weird. When I try to think, "What kind of mentality would lead someone to feel that way, act that way, etc.?" I arrive at: being in fandom is something that they're embarrassed about. Something they're ashamed of, that they think is shameful. Something childish and therefore only for kids, even when the media they're a fan of is entirely made for and by adults. Something they think is made for them in that moment but that they'll be able to easily discard when they move on to more important parts of their lives. Something they know in their heart is transient. Something they're just doing because their friends are doing it.

That's when they'd think "why would an adult still do this?"

When it's something you "know" will be "just a phase," you don it like you don the identity of "high school student," something that'll get shucked a minute after graduation.

And while I found the idea of giving up fandom terrifying, I again can only assume that for these type of person, NOT giving up fandom becomes something terrifying. "Of course this is transient. Of course I'm going to change. I can't wait to change, I hate who I am now! Why did these so-called adults not change? Changing to not like this kind of thing is a sign of Maturity and Adulthood that I am eagerly waiting for, because I believe there's something wrong with being this way, and therefore I assume the adults I see doing this are immature, have something wrong with them, are childish, cannot be Doing Adulthood Right, because they didn't give up the thing."

"I know, in my heart, that I can't WAIT to change, so if they don't want to change, if they haven't changed, something must be wrong with them."

And don't get me wrong, I'm not saying this is the only reason. People are way too complex for there ever to be One Explanation Of All. I'm sure some of the teens who engage in ageist bullying just think they're ~cool~ and ~different~ and their name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way. Others are just uncomfortable with adults, with or without cause, and think "you don't belong in the same space as me." Some surely have drank the conservative kool-aid even as they've tried to change and are pantomiming the bullshit they were fed by those around them in new and unpleasant ways. Some think "this media was made for people like me and anyone who isn't like me can't possibly be engaging it in the Correct And Proper Way."

Some will grow out of it - out of fandom, or out of thinking that being an adult in fandom is wrong/bad/inappropriate/immature/whatever.

A few especially unpleasant ones...won't.

Unlike young!me, who looked at fannish grown ups and thought "wow, I could grow up to be like them, they're so cool!", you think "ew, I hope I don't grow up to be like them, they're so weird!"

And if that's you...why are you here?

If you don't actually like who are you when you're in fandom, that's okay. You don't have to stay. If you lose your friends because your interests change, then those friends stink and you didn't need them anyway; people who actually care about you will always keep by your side even if your interests and theirs diverge. But just cause YOU are performing your interest in fandom...doesn't mean the rest of us are. Some of us genuinely like it here. And you might think that's fucked up of us, but it's honestly none of your fucking business. You do what you gotta do to grow up, and leave the rest of us already-grown-ups alone.

And if you do genuinely love it and you're just scared because you think you'll have to change - that you'll reach some mystical age of majority and suddenly wake up a different person...you won't. For better and for worse, you'll still be you, so if there's things about yourself you don't like, it'd be better to start working on unpacking that psychological baggage now, because there's never gonna be a miracle point where you Feel Better And Like An Adult unless you put in the effort to change.

Teenagers...you will not grow up to be a new person. You will never give up who you are. You will grow up to be You-Plus-More.

And if that's something you hear and go "omg that's great news!" then I'm glad to be the one who told you. Take heart. There's hope. You can be you and that WILL be okay. You can face up to and grow from the things about yourself you don't like. You can learn more about yourself. You have time, and you will be able to improve yourself, to become more like the parts of yourself you like and less like the parts you hate.

And if that's something you hear and go "oh god no that's the worst" then you need to stare that reaction in the face and understand that the only way change is coming is if you make it happen for yourself. No one is strong-arming you into being a fan. If it's not for you...then stop. It's literally that easy. But don't take out your uncertainty and fear on other random people who are more comfortable with themselves than you are. Most of us are not here because of fear. We're here in the face of our fear, as a fuck you to our fear, because we also grew up being told we'd have to give up so-called childish things to be An Adult, and it turns out that was a pile of bullshit and we can have careers AND anime posters. And we can afford more anime posters, cause our parents are no longer telling us how to spend our money.

If your participation in fandom is primarily performative...just stop performing. Be yourself, and find your OWN passion, and stop shitting on the people who have managed to be more true to themselves and their own interests. You're not cool and edgy and different; you're just an asshole and a bully, and I pity you.

Anyway as you can tell from this rambly mess of a post, I haven't really gotten my finger on my point yet, but idk. I've been thinking about this and I think there's something there???

[ca-suffit]

So, I'm the anon that asked the "how do you rationalize the violence?" question, btw. Thank you for your answer. I personally believe 2x07's version of the events is closer to the truth (I don't think there's a POV that 100% accurate, but I think that's as accurate as it gets about it), but that doesn't excuse Lestat's violence. Louis might have provoked him, but he had just seen Claudia being chocked and stepped in to defend her. I don't blame him for lack of a better word, 'exploding'. I think I would've done worse if I saw my niece, that isn't even my own child, in that situation. And yes, Lestat has gone through a lot of trauma in the books and the show, and people can argue how that and being turned into a vampire shaped his mind and have this aggressive side he might not be proud of, but it doesn't excuse anything. Because Lestat himself caused a lot of trauma in both Claudia's and Louis' lives. I do hope if the show is going with a loustat endgame (haven't read the books, but from what I've heard, they're canon), they're gonna have Lestat using his infinite lifetime to reflect on that, really earn Louis' forgiveness, be the kind of companion he deserves and never even consider doing it again. If it's possible to redeem him. I don't know if it is, but at least they have the "they have all the time in the world to do that" card. I do hope they try it, though, because making this behavior normalized and recurring would be terrible. I just don't know if it will be convincing and satisfying, but I'll wait I guess. I hope the same for Armand too and that they give him and Assad the grace of flashing out the character instead of demonizing him to make Lestat look better. I hope they also know he'll need and deserve more from the narrative than a half-assed apology, because there will definitely be some double standards about Lestat and Armand. There already are. But I struggle with some other stuff too. Because I love Louis, but he's not innocent either. I also don't believe in punitivism and I don't want to be reducing him and feeding into people that want to stereotype and demonize him, but... Claudia really is the only character that has always been inferior in terms of power imbalances in the dynamics of the show. At least among the main characters. If we consider killing people to feed then it's basically useless because they're vampires and not even the human is innocent because Daniel didn't worry about Malik being lunch. I do think it's a good thing for Louis' accountability that he feels regret and remorse for his worst actions, but I don't believe the fandom does the best job at discussing that. Many times it feels like babying the white character, reducing the characters of color into racial stereotypes of abusive, comparing them, ignoring what's convenient to prop their favorite etc. Like one is always traumatized, misunderstood, trustworthy, ashamed, trying to be better and the other is always wrong, unreliable, overdramatic etc. There doesn't seem to be a lot of nuance on people's interpretations and a safe space to discuss the differences of each moment and dynamic without accidentally feeding characters you love to the lions... Anyway, I'm rambling at this point, I don't even know what I was trying to ask lmao. But thanks for the attention and the previous answer.

(context) u can ramble all u want here tbh.

there *are* a lot of questions to explore and this fandom makes it v hard to do it. despite what the racist side would have u believe, ur not going to get attacked for exploring questions. ppl know whether someone's being intentionally racist or not when trying to talk about these characters.

the thing that the fandom isn't understanding (on purpose) is that having black and brown characters have these complex personalities u can explore is a rly good thing?! racists want u to believe that there's topics we can't talk about bcuz of stuff like saying ppl "need" louis to be "a victim," but all that rly says is "I don't want to have empathy for black ppl but I'm gonna say it another way and blame others for it." nobody here is saying louis, claudia, or armand is off limits to exploring, just don't be fucking racist about it! ppl would rather run off and say the fandom is full of bullies who will call u racist instead of...looking at their own biases? half the time nobody is even saying the word "racist," these ppl apply that shit to themselves in a panic. it'd be funny if it wasn't so harmful.

things to ask urself here are....what is ur definition of "redeemable"? where does that belief come from in the first place? a religion? society? both? what is ur own relationship with abuse and trauma? have u explored what codependency looks like in real relationships? do u understand all the emotions behind these things the characters are doing? why is louis feeling regret and remorse important to u?

I think a lot of confusion and anger over the DV is that ppl only know of one response to it and that's to leave forever. a lot of society is built on v black and white thinking with no emphasis on forgiveness or growth. ofc nobody has to interact with anyone they don't want to or "owes" anyone forgiveness or help to rehabilitate and all that, but it doesn't change that the person themselves is capable of growing and changing. we tend to have strict ideas of what "abuser" and "victim" look like and don't realize how quickly those identities can switch on the same people. a lot of abusive behavior is learned from trauma and traumatized ppl tend to form relationships with each other and act just like these vampires do. it's hard to place anyone in single categories bcuz it's a spectrum. this is humanity reflected at us thru vampires.

all of these vampires carry their specific trauma and triggers and are living in ages where none of this even has been put into words yet, plus they're vampires on top of it. their rules *are* different from ours to an extent and a lot of it is bcuz they're also a v small group who is immortal. imagine someone u rly hate for having harmed u badly in some way (mentally and/or physically) and then imagine u knowing ur gonna run into them or hear their thoughts for the rest of eternity. are u supposed to kill them? could u live with that for eternity too? what if they're stronger than u? what if they read ur mind first and kill u instead? it's a lot to forever think about. idk what the show is going to do, but I have faith it'll be satisfying bcuz of knowing AMC's history with writing about traumatized ppl. Television has gotten rly good at writing about abuse and trauma in v nuanced ways. ppl tend to shy away from it tho bcuz they're not ready to confront these things in their own life and so they find an excuse to say it's bad. the racist side cannot get over calling it "shock value" even tho all the violence (physical, emotional, sexual) has been treated with great respect to the audience and characters. u see the violence move thru the characters, affect them for years, and nothing shown of the violence itself is meant to feel cheap and "shocking." these ppl simply do not want to engage so they find a reason to justify why and this story will never make sense to them bcuz of it.

[divorcedwife]

your art is gorgeous and deserves all the notes in the world. i love all of your fashion and outfit designs and the way you draw poses and facial expressions is always so perfect. don’t let the internet fool you into thinking more numbers means more liked. i think your art is some of the most beautiful art i have ever seen

oh thank you!! i definitely think you're right that it's good to face what we want and that there's no shame in wanting attention. i've been trying to not be so ashamed of everything in general because i've realized that most people deal with that too, and that being at ease with myself helps people be at ease with me too

but in general, i am very happy with the amount of attention and kind words i get, and i definitely agree that more numbers =/= more joy. i used to chase certain milestones and think that i would reach a point where i'd be content and satisfied, and reaching a milestone is cool but it's still just numbers. ultimately, it means more to me to get thoughtful feedback, or when an artist i respect likes it, or to see the same people stick around for months and years :-) i do notice that & i love to see it

and not to be mean, but i also really don't vibe with how some people i follow on instagram, that are popular artists, act very demanding of their audience's attention and money. i don't think following someone online means you pledge your eternal loyalty to them, and i never would want people to think that if they scroll by an art piece of mine without interacting, or just liking, it's a deep betrayal lol. it's fine! ultimately, my feelings are mine to deal with, and it's not on anyone else to provide validation to me at all times. i really don't want anyone to feel guilty for that

like people are not entitled to free labor from artists, but artists are also not entitled to a "fandom". i remember being really not impressed back on deviantart with how popular artists talked to their followers and tbh i think some people are rude to feel more like rock stars. it's not cute.... i don't like it... i feel like the respect has to go both ways

also im kinda glass half full-ing my way through life - if something doesn't work out, i'm like well, this is a good way to practice failure and emotion control. can't go through life with everything going smoothly at all times, that's just how it is. i cant control what happens, only what i do about it. if i post something and it doesn't work as well as i thought, oh well, it's ok, i'm learning to detach value from notes, i'm going to be just like the buddha very soon

god this is so long. im sorry, i have so many thoughts re : being an artist online and handling metrics and so on. the TLDR : i really love being there on tumblr dot com and i feel really lucky that so many people like my art, like my original characters, and it's a pleasure to be there :-) thank you again!! <3333

[marsbotz]

Saw your tag saying FSM haters come fight you. Here I am! Frankly I'm not so much of a hater as I am just of the opinion "wow this guy sure Started All This Shit" but I'm absolutely willing to hear your view of the matter if you're willing to share! Love some Friendly Fandom Discourse (it's healthy tbh) come at me bro 👊 👊 👊

HI LOL.... my personal opinion is that the FSM gets a lot of hate for similar reasons to wu (which i also think are unjustified but that's a different post). like you said he gets a lot of the blame put on him for starting everything that's to come in the show, but i don't really feel like he intended to do any harm.

the FSM was born into a war. when he was still a very young child, he was forced to choose one side of himself, of his family, and destroy the other. and so he ran away. but this world he runs to is chaotic and dangerous. and so again, he is forced to fight for the right to live in peace along with the inhabitants of this world.

but even in this new world, he wasn't safe: the oni followed him, determined to bring him back to fight for them. and after them, the overlord. his whole life, especially when he was younger, he had been fighting, or running from forces that aimed to destroy him.

i believe the FSM was incredibly paranoid throughout his life, worrying that at any moment everything would be ripped away from him. this can be seen in how secretive he was, how much of his history is hidden away. the mech used to win the war against the overlord was sealed away where it could never be found. he granted elemental powers to select people to help keep him safe. even in his death, he hid away, in a place that even wu could not find.

this paranoia carries on through his sons. he taught them both to fight, to protect themselves, when they were also very young. one of the earliest moments we see of them is them fighting with swords! and though he loves them, they are not immune to his secrecy, or his fears. when they steal the scrolls and enter the serpentine territory, he never fully trusts them again. when garmadon gets bitten and starts to turn to evil, he's desperate to cure him. and i don't fully believe that the FSM intended to make garmadon feel broken or "wrong"... just that his fear has so consumed him at this point that he can't see the damage he's doing to his children.

it's also worth noting that despite garmadon's corruption, the FSM never truly hated him. he was left to protect the golden weapons alongside wu, he recieved the same protective enchanted gi, and was left the same clues to find him after his death. it's just that garmadon was unable to see this through the corruption (which is another post).

perhaps all he did was to protect his sons. that seems to be how wu sees it, at least. because wu repeats this same behaviour with the ninja, even if unintentionally. he brings these kids into a war because that happened to him, and his father before him. maybe he doesn't even realise it's wrong. he hides things from them not only because because he's ashamed of his past (again, another post lol), but because his father always hid things from him. it protects wu, but it also protects the ninja.

i don't believe the FSM was a flawless person. hes one of many grey characters in ninjago, and to boil down everything he did to "good" or "bad" is a disservice. maybe you see him as someone who only ever ran from problems instead of truly solving them, maybe you see him as a cruel and neglectful father. and maybe those are both true. but he's also someone who always tried to fight for peace, for himself and everyone in ninjago, and someone who truly loved his sons, despite the damage he did to them both.

so that's who i think the FSM was. an immortal, all powerful godlike being, yes, but also a scared child who just wanted to live peacefully, and would do anything to prevent another war. and maybe he is, in some way, indirectly responsible for every bad thing in the show, but i think this is more of an after-effect of the countless wars and conflict. he did the best he could, and considering all he went through, i think he did alright.

[just-antithings]

(sorry if there's mistakes i have pulled an all-nighter and haven't gotten enough sleep. Also, I'm the guy who once made an ask that ranted about antis in my talking planet fandom)

Bro antis love to just look at posts/fanfics that have the most clear, no-nonsense summary/tags, and then puke when the tags/summary was honest, and claim to be "literally tramuatized i am crying i wanna die!!!"

On Wattpad and AO3 i posted a fic.

And in that fic, the character Neptune humps an Asteroid named Guillermo.

(Neptune is insane and due to his loneliness and delusions he drew faces on asteroids and believed they were real, and named one guillermo for some not-needed context)

On the AO3 ver, i used the tags "Neptune/Guillermo", "male masturbation", "humping", and "sex with an asteroid". Those are pretty clear tags, i think. Therefore, people would ignore the fic because these were some clear tags, and ao3 people know how to curate their fandom experience, right?

Apperently, i was wrong since one guy was like "I haven't finished reading this but i don't wanna finish it but I'm still reading it".

Like, if you don't wanna read it, don't!

And later that guy was like

"I read your fic and i wanna die. Not saying it was bad, it was good, but in a bad way,"

I responded with a really long ranty comment about how insensitive they were, how they were practically saying my work is bad, how using suicidal thoughts as a lighthearted thing for daily use is terrible, and how they could just stop reading it.

(I then felt kinda guilty for that response and deleted the whole thread.)

On the wattpad version, since tags mean nothing, i used the summary to explain the whole fic, being as clear as i could possibly be.

i wrote as the summmary "Neptune jacks himself off with an asteroid by humping. Dead dove, don't eat! Grapefruit." And that is pretty fucking clear, right?

Since the AO3 version had people not curate their fandom experience, perhaps the Wattpad version would be better? Knowing their reputation i doubt it, but there's a chance tha-

Oh, wait, nevermind. I was right at the beginning.

While i was reading another fanfic that wasn't mine, i saw someone comment something along the lines of

"Read it and i wanna cry and die!!! Maybe it's because i just read a disgusting neptune x guillermo sm-t fanfic and that traumatized me :(((( Especially since i know how s-x works"

Like, WHAT???

I tagged and made a very clear summary, and the fanfic wasn't even bad by itself! There was no illegal activity in it at all! It was just a planet deciding to hump an asteroid. I didn't even put much detail. I used the word "southermost points" as a replacement for using cock or pussy(TBH i was just undecided on what i wanted neotunes genitals to look like so i went vague)

and why does that guy think they think my fic is bad because they "know how sex works"??? Bro, bro, bro...

No, you don't, your experience in sex ed was by puritains! If you know so much about sex, then why treat it like a cursed swear nastybadewwgross? What's with the censoring of the word? Sex ain't a swear, almost everyone has done or thought of doing. Your mum and dad did it! Nothing nasty 'bout that!

And how does knowing about sex even- What??? I'm confused about that guy. What was his point? Huh?

And my fanfic did not tramautize you! Fanfiction cannot tramautise ANYTHING! It can disturb people, but that's not trauma! Fanfiction may trigger people, but that can be avoided by clicking away, ignoring the fic, and blocking the user! I made it very clear what that fanfic was about. If you wouldn't like it, why read it? Huh?

(Also, i saw that guy comment something "It's worse when you yourself drew worse... As an artist, it's scary..." And i feel kinda bad for them. Why would people be ashamed of their own art? Why would people shame others but indulge in the same stuff? Why must things be a GUILTY-pleasure? Why could you not just be happy for yourself and your art?)

I am not holding these people hostage, i am not chaining them, and shoving my fanfiction in their face shouting "Read it!" I am just a guy who writes fetish smut.

It is not hard to ignore something and block someone. You are only chained by your consious. You are not chained by me.

Anyways, these people could see a building with big letters "Gun shop!", tons of big and small drawings of guns, the word "gun shop" written in every dead and alive language on earth, go inside anyways, and complain about the guns and how they expected candy.

Is it so hard for antis to just curate their internet experience and mind their own beeswax?

[teaveetamer]

I know recency bias is a thing and there are worst fandom dramas from Steven Universe and Voltron but this has to be the worst drama I've seen from the Fire Emblem fandom (barring ship wars). If a fandom is at a point where they're spewing out death threats and lynching threats to irl people over a fictional female white character, then that is a point of no return and it puts a black mark on both the character and the game associated with them cause yeah, actions have consequences and toxic fandom behavior can taint a work (look at Steven Universe and Voltron) in the perception of the general public. I'm embarrassed and ashamed for anyone who thinks this shit is okay. Please stay safe and take care of yourself btw.

I get that it can be cathartic to point at someone you disagree with and go "haha look at how stupid they are" but christ. I can't imagine that being my entire fandom presence at this point, four years out from release. And not just like, vaguely talking about an opposing stance you've seen, but literally stalking and harassing specific people you don't like. It's not even restricted to FE at this point. Raxis has quite literally taken Nilsh posts about completely unrelated topics and posted them elsewhere so he can try and bait people completely unrelated to fire emblem into shit talking him. That's not even mentioning the fact that Nilsh was largely inactive for over a year and Raxis still would not leave the guy alone. He openly brags about "kicking the shit" out of him, "bitch slapping" him, fucking with Nilsh's mental health so bad he had to leave Tumblr entirely for a while just to get away from the guy, etc.

I think Nilsh acted rashly in response in the past few weeks, but at a certain point can I even blame him? He's literally been getting fucking stalked and harassed for two years. And he deleted the posts in question when we told him he might be going too far. They were literally deleted within hours of being made. He's been actively working with us to try and calm things down and what does Raxis do? What Raxis always does. Because he's not actually interested in deescalating the situation. He just wants a punching bag.

And fucking inb4 they come in with the "b-but Nilsh was mean to CaptainFlash!!!!!!!!" because that's always the excuse they use for mercilessly stalking and harassing people: if the only thing you actually wanted was for Nilsh to stop talking about CaptainFlash, then you would have stopped harassing him over a year ago when he stopped posting entirely. You would have never bothered harassing the multitude of people you've gone after who never said a peep about CaptainFlash. Quit hiding behind that shit excuse because we all see through it.

And the irony of loudly disavowing someone who does not speak English as a first language for making an innocent wording mistake while they're literally, actively arguing that talking about lynching people isn't toxic at all. I just. Some people really have The Audacity and not much else.

And don't worry, I'm fine. I'm not even angry. I'm just disappointed and sad. I think your well wishes are better spent on the people who have gotten it worse than me tbh.

[awkward-yet-kind]

If you were not ashamed, you would even say that Levi is a jerk who commits selfish actions (which he is not). You are no different from people who say that Levi is physically ugly and has strange features, but portray Levi and their favorites as gods. Ehh you're a typical eruris.

So you're making assumptions because I'm stating something that's just a canonical fact and putting words you think I'd potentially say in my mouth? Yall get so defensive over this fictional dude and for what? He doesn't need this many shooters he's THE most popular AOT character.

And it's really telling that you're including in these other negative attributes you apparently think I believe he has when I personally don't even consider being kinda mean a negative thing at all. He isn't cruel, he isn't malicious, he's just prickly. And that's okay. He's just not a nice character. There's so many other good qualities he possesses, but the moment someone points out a single "flaw" he actually has, yall go bananas.

Oh and I'm a multishipper, not an eruris or whatever. It's kind of silly to use a pairing I enjoy to try to insult me? As if a ship has some separate fandom or whatever lol. And if it does have some separate offshoot fandom, I literally don't care enough about the ship (or any aot ship tbh) to be part of it lmaoo.

[olderthannetfic]

Want to just put my grain of sand about the deleting fics situation because... IDK it's been rubbing me the wrong way since it started but I exactly didn't know what was causing that. And after seeing the responses of the post where you make the film comparison the reason just snapped at me and it's more anecdotal than factual.

I'm both a writer and a reader. My first fics were poorly written because I was a dumb teenager who saw excessively amounts of popular BL OVAs. After two years of writing in Amor Yaoi I felt... not ashamed, but I didn't want to be associated with the most poorly written fics I did. So I deleted them. No reader came to me asking for them (I actually thought about my readers because it was a tiny rarepair fandom I wrote for —and I feel the "I don't think of the readers" happens in the big fandoms only TBH) so I was at ease.

Ellipse, hiatus were I didn't write shit, I discovered AO3 and started being more interested about archiving and fandom history.

It wasn't 'til last year that my brain clicked and said to me "biiiiiiiiiiitch archive your fics on AO3 what the hell are you waiting for". I opened my Amor Yaoi account and started copy-pasting everything (unfortunately AO3 does the import thing really bad with this damn php site) and something felt off. It wasn't 'til I discovered someone on Wattpad uploaded two of my deleted fics there that I realized what the off feeling was. I don't only feel bad for all the readers that magically found me in recents years and told me "your fics were my faves!!", I don't only feel bad for the archiving fandom history aspect, I also feel bad for myself. I lost record of my own development because I was dumb-dumb enough to not made a offline copy of them (and if I did my computer died without repair nor salvation so yeih! That's a possibility). That and the fact I'd love to make fun of my own shit, I read the ones I imported to AO3 and I was laughing horribly, good job past me.

TBH I suspect I'm not the only one who realized after years what a big oopsie-doo was to delete own fics.

And like... I don't know if it's me (probs are) as I'm really bad reading tones in English, but a lot of responses to the just-sad anons felt... unnecessarily aggressive. Yes, y'all entitled to delete your fics if you want (specially if the reason behind it is harassment but TBH I didn't feel this was the reason people were arguing of) as well as the anon is entitled to feel sad (and somewhat judgy) about the deletion, but the "good thing the fic got deleted just to piss you off anon" alike responses... Man. No, thanks. If I read some parts of the discussion wrong I'd happily accept the corrections since I don't keep track of everything, but some of those responses came off as if the author's point of view is The Truly True Truth of Truths™. I suspect a lot of people didn't have that intention in mind while writing the responses, but that was how I (and probs other) felt them.

IDK, I don't have any conclusions besides the "if you delete your fic you do you, but as a concept and action I'm super against of it (as a reader, as a writer and as someone interested in fandom history who will fight to make a little course at university if possible surrounding the topic) and I'd be better if you orphan them, anonymize them in your own Anonymous collection or put them on a shady hard-to-find website only the Hackers™ will find like some Chinese dōujinshi translators do —it'd also be good to keep this suggestion in consideration: if you put somewhere 'hey I deleted this thing if y'all want a copy just ask me Somewhere™ and I'll pass it to you no problemo' as I've seen it isn't a new way to deal with this situation" one because I'm tired RN.

I expect insults for this ask, so feel free y'all. Oh, and also this is the most interesting (for me at least) discussion that had happened on this blog since the disposable plates one.

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[definitelynotgideon]

What are 3 things that you love about your oc? I also mentioned you in a post asking you this:3 Btw how are these days?

Oh my gosh I'm so sorry I don't know how I didn't see the post!

TBH I'm suffering lmao 😆😆 this is one of those high stress times at work and I'm preparing for a very busy week leading up to an event. Once the event is over things will subdue significantly.

Here are three things I love about Gideon though:

1.) He's flawed. Gideon is first and foremost a human being. I don't write him as the best fighter ever, and he has things that deeply affect him. He experiences grief over what has been lost or taken from him, and he allows it to come and go in the wave it is. Things are temporary, he can still pick himself back up and continue to fight for what/who he loves in the world.

2.) The things he symbolizes are healing things for me personally. I feel like when people make OCs, they put a lot of themselves into them. Some people do self inserts (I've done that before) and others make a lot of OCs that may represent different aspects of themselves more subtly. In Gideon's case, he's a representation of the things I need/needed most. He has a lot of calming sanctuary vibes, which is a reminder that I should be kind to myself. He also *adores* children (couldn't be me, I actually don't want kids) but... He's protective of them especially. Gets *pissed* if someone is hurting them because he's endured that type of pain at a young age. In a lot of ways he protects my inner child. Heavier symbolism in Gideon that is always present is an element of Death. I'm inspired (especially for some AUs) by characters like Lore Olympus's Hades, Steven Universe, Ancient Magus Bride's Ruth... There are others. But Gideon has been involved in two of my favorite fandoms and there is a lot of death in both (Attack on Titan, Demon Slayer). The ideas are usually dependent on roleplays, but I have sub theories and alternate endings I love to play with that involve him being either a guardian angel or a reaper for certain characters. I adore *that* sort of comfort, because I lost my mom at a young age. I'd like to think that when she passed away, that someone guided her lovingly into the next stage.

That one got deep lol I'm sorry 😆

3.) He isn't afraid to be himself. It's no secret that Gideon is gay, and in certain universes this is still one of those things that isn't okay in society. How he navigates this may be careful but it's never really relenting. He'd actively fight against homophobia because he was holding is lover's hand in front of the wrong person. Life is too short to not be able to love who he loves *fully.* He's not about to be ashamed of that. In Demon Slayer, his parents abandon him because he states that he doesn't want to go through with an arranged marriage with a woman, and that he'd prefer to marry a man. He was young when he was abandoned, and he had to both grow up quickly and re-parent himself with rare examples of what unconditional love really should be...

Anyway yeah! I adore him, he's such a squishy boy and I've been really happy that I could develop him more lately. He's been an amazing little muse 💕

Thank you for the ask!! 🫶