#but I’ve only done 3 hours of revision today
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Clawing at the walls of my enclosure
#moss mumbles#I hate school so much I hate it let me OUT (I’m not even there rn)#I’m literally fine im just getting bored of geography#but I’ve only done 3 hours of revision today#and that is like#nowhere near enough#I couldn’t do enough if I worked straight from now till the exam on Monday#and I have OTHER exams to revise for#and I literally told myself I wasn’t gonna care about these exams bc they’re just mocks#but here I am. CARING#also the thing is I would go to sleep now and do it tomorrow#BUT#I know if I go to sleep#I’m gonna wake up tomorrow and have so much trouble starting the revision again#that im gonna waste hours#and I just want this DONE#I hate having adhd#like I love having it#but I hate having it#yk
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Charm, I am so grateful!!!! You really did something with this challenge. I have been following Pink's challenges since December very closely and trying the best to achieve my dream life 😭😭😭 and her recent subliminals had such banger music like "Good Days" which is one of my favorite songs (it’s the "You Deserve Your Dream Life" sub) amongst the other ones like "Blue Heart" by IVE and "Pretty Girl Rock" etc. and I realized when I listen to it I don't care about the subliminal; I’m more into the music and Pink has great taste but that's when I was in a state which is something I struggled with! I would be happy and not thinking about doing and my heart would be beating fast like void attempt! So I didn’t really follow your challenge; the only part I followed was affirming with music (Pink's subliminals) and then I listened to other subliminals with good music and would affirm subliminals always work instantly and I always wake up in the void and I have everything I want and I did that for 3 days and I manifested my dream life today. I have done every method and challenge for a while from super strict meticulously 4 hour methods to just setting intentions and I swear this was the key!!!! I manifested so much but my only affirmations were my life feels like "Good Days" (the song by SZA) and I can get into the void in seconds in case I want anything! But I am very gorgeous, I revised 🫠never working at my stupid abusive job, my family and I have a lot of money so I never have to work again, I graduated college because I hated that shit, and I have my dream friend group + so much more!!!!
But I have to thank you and @gorgeouslypink for all the time and effort you put into your blogs and holding people accountable for their own journey.
Yess I remember you from the challenges, and I’ve seen you around tumblr for a bit now 💗💗
I am so proud of you and your consistency and I hope you enjoy your dream life 🫶🫶🫶 you deserve it
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Today will be my sixth day of work; I have two days off starting tomorrow 💗
Z is flying down next month! In a crazy twist, he booked the Airbnb hosted by my former employers (and yes I truly believe it was coincidental, given how many times I’ve mentioned the exact street as being the main attraction down here and their place being the prime, if not only?, rental). Hopefully I won’t even need to change anything in the schedule, since he’ll be down from Friday night to Monday evening.
He’s shell-shocked by all the crazy twists of fate leading to us meeting whereas I’m more amused, and curious to see how it all plays out. I still don’t “feel” this is The One (which might not be fair to say before we’ve officially met and spent time together) but even so, that’s no reason to close the door on a promising connection.
I’ve received so many signs over the years that my fixed vision of who I end up with is for a reason and to help me know when I’ve found them. Too many of the same recurring details of this person’s personality and our energy together. It can’t be for nothing, and I can’t so easily let it go.
But again—I’m getting way ahead of myself. I just want to live in the present moment and enjoy what I have now and who I know.
My body is still extremely sore, it weighs down my limbs and makes my joints stiff. I keep reminding myself that I’m not going to be permanently disabled from a week or even months/a year or two? of this job. It’s just temporary. My body is also having a hard time adjusting since it’s used to laying in bed all day, which isn’t healthy either.
Face is washed, laundry was done yesterday. Just need to make lunch in an hour and get ready in the meantime for my 3-11. Should be another slow day, even slower on a Monday—I’ll need to bring a notebook to occupy my time (and stop wasting our scrap paper at the desk). I’ll do a better job of eavesdropping on conversations and recording the actions and behaviors of the people around me. There is a tangible difference in the way wealthy people hold themselves; I’ll milk every detail.
I will also occasionally check local job listings (just in case) and continue to revise my savings plan as my paychecks start coming in. Had this thought yesterday of, even if I get the apartment, so what? What then? Will it be enough to make me happy for the time being? I don’t want to spend so much of the money I’m working hard to secure and then immediately regret it. There are lots of things I can be grateful for now—free meals and utilities/rent and access to material resources.
At the same time, I’ve never stopped wanting and needing more space for myself. Ginger needs more space. I’ll sleep better in my own bed, taking up a whole bed, no longer placed a few feet from the litter box. I’ll be reunited with all my belongings. If I need air pumped into my tires I can still just drive over to my parents’ and eat dinner with them when I can. Too bad that $800 apartment is gone and replaced by the cheapest option of $1,200. It has 2 bad ratings concerning the property manager’s rudeness, too—but the place looks good, there are no upstairs or downstairs neighbors, and the only other option is almost $1,500.
Once I move out, I’ll virtually be living paycheck to paycheck so I need a really sturdy foundation first. And streams of other income would be nice to lock down, too! Maybe I’ll write the erotica books I’ve been thinking about on the torturously slow days.
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Hii! I love your writing sm <3 was wondering if you can write something for Jess Mariano and shy reader where you’re both studying together and he keeps on teasing and flirting with you. You decided that you’ve had enough and end up kissing him hard and he’s taken back
𝐘𝐎𝐔’𝐕𝐄 𝐇𝐀𝐃 𝐄𝐍𝐎𝐔𝐆𝐇 𝐎𝐅 𝐉𝐄𝐒𝐒’ 𝐓𝐄𝐀𝐒𝐈𝐍𝐆.
pairing(s): jess mariano x reader
words: 582
warnings/tags: friends to lovers!
the quiet tune of ‘twist and shout’ by the beatles played across the lonely diner air, the cheap radio sitting on the counter where luke was previously cleaning up. you and jess were seated at one of the café tables, all the chairs atop the others by luke while he begrudgingly watched you both study.
he was dragged away when lorelai came in screaming about the taylor’s town meeting being gate-crashed by a clown and pulled him away by the cuff of his plaid shirt, ignoring his expressions of ‘i don’t care’ and ‘i have a diner to clean!’
the moment the door clicks closed, jess is looking up from his book and to your focused expression, his head tilts teasingly with a growing smirk, “you look pretty when you’re studying, y’know?”
you feel your face profusely heat up from his flirtation, unable to hide your smile but you roll your eyes when you look up at him. “that doesn’t sound like revision of the revolutionary war,” you reply as quiet as the song playing that jess almost doesn’t hear you.
“that’s cause i’ve not read one word,” jess admits, leaning back in the chair while keeping his gaze firm on you, making you feel small and watched. “jess! you promised to study today!”
“yeah, thing is… i promised that but forgot just how nice you look today.”
you look up from your notebook, covered in your scribbled handwriting and try to hide the way your face expresses pure radiance from each word slipping from the boy’s tongue.
jess chuckles at the ink splotches across the skin of your palm as you try to cover your face, leaning over to gently hook one of your fingers against his to be able to see your face once more.
“c’mon been studying for hours, wanna see that pretty face for a bit,” you shake your head, “you just said you haven’t been studying because you were looking at me…”
jess rolls his eyes teasingly, letting his body slope forward so he’s closer to you, you can smell the coffee from his warm breath, “yeah well, you can’t let me get away with anything, huh?”
the butterflies were so alight your frame that your body moved before your brain, it was quip after quip with jess, him testing the waters and enjoying watching you squirm at his flirtations. so you lean across, your lips pecking his in a quick kiss that jess takes a moment to process.
you’re on your feet, grabbing your things to leave as fast as you can as the reality of what you’ve done has settled in and you refuse to turn and look at him, the silence deafening enough.
however, jess grips your shaking hands once more as he stands, drawing you to him as he makes the next move – gripping each of your hands firmly in his as he leans back in, connecting your lips once more.
except this time the kiss was longer, more meaningful.
“huh,” jess murmurs against your lips softly as he pulls back to gaze at your doting face, he kisses your cheek when you reply, “what’s wrong?” your tone soft and quiet, as if you were going to scare him away. “i could get used to this study thing,” jess’ smirk only grows when you fight against his held hand, pushing jokingly against his chest as you both squabble once again, back into the normal routine. except with a few more kisses in between.
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#— ꒰꒰ ➵ amorchai works ౨ৎ ꒱꒱#gilmore girls┊ ➶ jess mariano ᡣ𐭩#jess mariano#jess mariano x reader#jess mariano fluff#jess mariano fanfic#jess mariano x you#jess mariano imagine#jess mariano x y/n
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2 + 3 = You In Me
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Pairing: Tutor!Jaemin x Fem!Reader
Genre: Smut (pwp), Slight Angst, College AU
Words: 4.6k+
Warnings: 18+ content. Unprotected sex.
Synopsis: He agrees to tutor you and you end up becoming good friends even though you both so clearly want to be more. What happens when you let you bodies talk for you?
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Jaemin was coming over to help you prepare for a test. You had no clue how he'd agreed to assist you, but you were thankful nonetheless. Jaemin rarely ever studied with girls. Mostly because they were always hitting on him. But it seemed you were an exception. You wondered why but you figured it was because he was trying to make some extra money.
Yes, Jaemin made you pay him. He made everyone pay him so you didn't think too much of it. From what you'd heard, his methods never failed to prove effective. You hoped he could help you study well enough to pass this test. After all, a majority of your grade depended on it.
You'd spent a good amount of your time trying to prepare a nice study space for you both to sit at in your apartment. So far you'd only managed to clean your coffee table and place two cushions for seats at its feet.
Jaemin would be here any minute. You rushed to get everything you'd need for the day, wanting to keep it all ready so that you wouldn't have to interrupt the study session. Your bell rang not soon after. He was here on time.
Opening the door, you welcomed him with a smile. He nodded and entered without a word. Black track pants and a plain white shirt. Jaemin hadn't made much of an effort to dress to impress. He ventured into your dorm, looking around the place silently.
That's when he came across your makeshift study zone. He pointed at it and looked at you.
"We're studying here," he asked, placing his hands in his pockets. He sounded a tad bit dejected. Your eyes widened slightly in panic. Was he not comfortable with sitting on the floor? "Yeah, I figured. Is there a problem," you asked, fearing the worst for no reason. Jaemin shook his head. "Nope, I just thought we were gonna sit in your room. That's where most of the girls take me anyways," he revealed, flashing you a small grin. You immediately felt at ease.
"My room's kind of a mess at the moment," you admitted, joining him near your couch. He took a seat on the floor, placing the cushion behind his back instead. He cleaned his black-rimmed glasses and patted the space next to himself. "Let's get started."
Jaemin was a pro at breaking down the complex concept so that your pea-sized brain could understand it to the fullest. The only drawback with that method was that it took much longer than you'd like it to. Two hours later you'd only finished one of the chapters that would be coming for the test. You still had four more to go.
"Fuck it's already three o'clock," you complained, falling dramatically on the coffee table. Jaemin flipped his pen in his fingers and stretched his body with a yawn. "I don't mind staying overtime," he joked. He'd made a lot of humoring comments during your time with him. The last you'd heard, he tended to be quite serious, never straying from his purpose. Not that you minded or anything, but Jaemin wasn't really meeting the expectations everyone had set for him in your mind. Maybe they were just trying to intimidate you.
"Don't you have to study too," you asked, turning your head to glance at him. He looked at you and shook his head. "I already studied beforehand. Plus, this test's gonna be super easy. You pass it with a breeze," he admitted. As relieving as that sounded, you didn't wanna take any chances. What if he flunked the test because he didn't revise or something. You really didn't want to be the person he blamed when that happened.
"You don't have to stay for my sake. You can go home if you want to. I think I can manage on my own now." you flipped through the pages of your coursebook, sighing in despair. It was a lot to go through. At least you still had half the day left.
Jaemin folded his arms. "Don't worry about me y/n. Not to undermine you, but I don't think you can get through all of this by yourself. I mean, you barely managed to understand the basics. All those chapters just branch off from this one and get increasingly tough to learn."
If this was him trying to convince you to let him stay then it sure as hell was working. You groaned and sat back up. "You promise you won't fail the test because of me then?" Jaemin chuckled. "Of course not. I'll pass with flying colors."
So you resumed studying. Jaemin was right. What he taught you next was more confusing than the first chapter you'd covered. You regretted not paying attention during your lectures. Jaemin never got impatient with you. In fact, he took ample time to make sure you understood everything he explained to you. He was very thorough and you appreciated that. However the more knowledge you absorbed, the more exhausted you felt. It got to the point where you felt like you couldn't study any further. Jaemin then suggested that you take a small break. You couldn't have agreed faster.
"Once we're done you should go through the practice questions that I emailed you," Jaemin reminded, taking a sip of the soda you'd offered him. You gave him a thumbs up and fell on the ground. "You're a lifesaver Na Jaemin."
Jaemin chuckled and turned to you. "I'm guessing it's not just math that you're having a problem with."
You raised your head and narrowed your eyes at him. "Nicely deduced."
"We can get together to study together for your other subjects if you don't mind. No need to pay me either," he offered.
You furrowed your brows. "Jaemin the longer you spend teaching me the dumber you're gonna get."
He brushed you off. "I'm pretty sure it doesn't work like that."
"You never know, and besides, after today you should know that it's gonna take five hundred years to clear all my concepts. Do you even have that kind of time?"
Jaemin tilted his soda can at you. "You'd be surprised at how much free time I have on my hands."
You smiled. "Wait so you're actually agreed to be my personal tutor."
Jaemin rolled his eyes amusedly. "It was my proposition but yes. I wouldn't be your personal tutor though. Just a study partner."
You sat up and leaned back. "So like, studying in the library after class and stuff like that?"
He nodded. "If the library's closed we can come here or I can take you to my place."
You pursed your lips, considering his deal. But something paused your train of thoughts. "Wait a minute. Why are you asking me this all of a sudden? You hardly seem like the type of guy who'd study with someone else."
Jaemin downed his drink, wincing at the fizziness that clawed at his throat. "I've had fun studying with you so far. Like, you're genuinely dumb, unlike some other people I tutor who just pretend to be dumb so they can spend a few hours with me."
You raised a brow. Had he just called you dumb? "I'll try not to take offense, thank you very much."
Jaemin apologized with a laugh.
"Does it make you feel smarter in some type of way," you asked? Jaemin hummed in response. "It kinda does now that you mention it. But I also feel like it would help me revise and clear my own concepts at the same time."
That made sense. "Damn, and here I was thinking you wanted to do this cause you were interested in me."
Jaemin's eyes widened. You raised your hands in defense. "It's just a joke. Don't take it seriously," you assured. Jaemin relaxed at that.
"Let's get started again. We're almost halfway there," he said, changing the topic. You agreed and sat beside him again, pen in hand, ready to go.
_
You walked out of your lecture with a bright smile on your face and headed straight to the library. Sure enough, Jaemin was already sitting there, waiting for you patiently. You sent him a small wave and skipped over to him. Handing him your graded test paper, you watched excitedly as his eyes lit up.
"Oh my god. You passed!"
You squealed and sat next to him, placing your bag near your feet. Jaemin smiled up at you. "This is such a good score," he added, glad that he'd been able to help.
"Henceforth we're studying together for every single test. I don't care if you're sick or at a friend's house."
Jaemin laughed and nodded. "Sure thing. If it means seeing you this happy then I'm down."
You froze at his words, glancing towards him. He clearly didn't seem to realize what he'd just said. Maybe you'd heard wrong. It was possible. After all, he was whispering. You didn't exactly have the best track record when it came to listening anyways. Concluding that you were mistaken, you pulled out your books and got to finishing up your assignments.
A few hours later Jaemin and you exited the library. You both usually parted ways since your dorms were in the opposite direction. However today, Jaemin followed behind you.
"What are you doing," you asked when he jogged up next to you. "We should celebrate your achievement today," he suggested. That sounded nice. "Okay then, what do you propose we should do?"
Jaemin pondered on your question. "Let's go to the cafe. I'll buy you coffee and anything else you want."
Coffee was perfect. You nodded and agreed. Jaemin grinned and led you to a small cafe that was just a little outside campus.
You both entered the small shop, the tantalizing scent of coffee hitting your senses immediately. Even though it was almost lunchtime, the cafe was brimming with multitudes of students. Luckily, the queue was short.
"Go find us somewhere nice to sit. I'll buy us some drinks," Jaemin said, pulling out his phone. Before you left, you let him know what you'd like.
Venturing to the back of the cafe, you found a secluded booth for two. It faced a large window, one that gave a fantastic view of the campus. You took a seat and placed your bag next to you. After a couple minutes of waiting, Jaemin emerged with your drinks in hand. He handed you yours before sitting down.
"Iced Americano? I see you're into the classics," you chimed, deciding to spark up a conversation. Jaemin took a sip of his drink. "Simple is the best after all."
Of course, it was. "Hey Jaemin," you started, setting your drink down on the table. He hummed. "Do you wanna come over later today," you asked. Jaemin furrowed his brows. "But we already finished studying."
You shook your head. "Not to study. Let's hang out, maybe watch a movie or something like that."
He seemed a bit taken aback, but nothing too alarming. It was just that you two never really did anything other than study together. Sure enough, you'd become close because of it. But you figured as friends, there were other things you could engage in to pass the time.
"Let's do it. What time should I come over," Jaemin asked? "Does seven work for you? I'll order pizza, so you don't need to worry about dinner."
Jaemin nodded. "Seven works for me."
_
As soon as the clock struck seven, there was a knock on your door. The ever punctual Jaemin would never be a second late. You let him in, eager to get your night started. He walked into your dorm and went straight to your room, plopping down on your bed as if it were his own.
You'd already been browsing on Netflix, wondering what genre he liked. It had never come up in conversation before so you didn't really know.
"What are we watching," he asked, scrolling through the options. You shrugged and joined him on your bed. "I'm not sure. I didn't know what you like," you admitted.
"I usually just watch whatever's in the top ten or 'new this week'," he shared. He stopped at a movie you would never have believed he'd be interested in.
"You wanna watch Yes Day," you asked in disbelief? Jaemin giggled and nodded innocently. "It looks super lame but I've already finished watching everything," he revealed. Here you were thinking you both would watch something more serious instead of a family movie. Instead of spending forty minutes trying to settle on one movie, you decided it best to just go with the first choice.
Jaemin started the movie and leaned back beside you. It was quiet between you both for the most part. You watched the movie in silence. It wasn't as entertaining as you'd thought it would be, but Jaemin seemed to be engrossed in it so you chose to say nothing and continued staring at the screen.
Halfway into the movie, Jaemin stifled a yawn and fell to the side, rubbing his eyes tiredly. He looked at you and pointed to the screen. "Are we gonna keep watching this?"
You let out a breath of relief and exited out of the movie once and for all. "If you didn't like it why'd you make me watch it," you complained, shutting your laptop. Jaemin sat up and crossed his legs. "I thought you were enjoying it. You even laughed at the funny parts."
You stuck your chin out. "You should know what my fake laugh sounds like by now Jaemin." He raised his hands in defense. "The only time I hear you laugh is when you realize you're doing something wrong."
You tsked. "That's called nervous laughter genius. You suck at interpreting emotions."
He hit you with a pillow softly. "Hey, stop making me out for a robot."
"You're the human embodiment of the AI," you joked, dodging the pillow he swung at you. Raising your hands in defense, you shielded yourself from him. "At least I said you're intelligent."
Jaemin paused his attacks. "You're lucky I think you're cute. I'll let you off the hook for now."
You had another one of those moments where you froze, wondering if the words that had come out of his mouth were true or not. He didn't whisper this time. You'd heard everything word for word. But you couldn't believe it.
"Did you just call me cute?"
Jaemin nodded, not seeming too surprised about it. "You aren't not cute," he added. Maybe you were misinterpreting the meaning behind it. Friends called friends cute. It was normal. That didn't mean that they liked each other, did it?
Noticing the conflict in your expression, Jaemin leaned forward and cleared his throat. "I didn't mean it in an 'I have a crush on you' type of way."
Something about that made your stomach churn. You felt uneasy all of a sudden. You wanted to be relieved, that he didn't think of you as more than a friend. But a part of you wished he felt otherwise. You didn't know why, it just did.
You chuckled awkwardly and faced him. "Yeah, of course, you didn't. I don't know why I thought that."
Jaemin hummed and rested his chin on his palm. "Maybe because you wanted it to be true."
"Huh?"
"Maybe you wanted me to tell you that I like you."
You didn't know what to say to that. So you just smiled awkwardly. "But you don't, do you?"
Jaemin grinned. "Do you want me to?"
"No! Of course not, why would I-"
"I'm just messing with you y/n. Don't worry, we're just friends," he assured, finding you getting alarmed quite amusing. You hit his shoulder. "Don't joke around like that. Who knows what might happen."
Jaemin's laughter died down. He met your gaze sombrely. You knew he wanted to say something, but he remained silent. His eyes traveled down to your lips for a moment. You sucked in a breath, suddenly feeling giddy. Jaemin looked back into your eyes, this time with a small smile. You didn't know what he was doing. You also didn't know if you liked it or not. Your mind said one thing and your body said another. Jaemin subtly licked his lips. You had no clue why the action had such a devastating effect on you.
Before you knew it, your lips were on his. Jaemin didn't seem surprised at all. In fact, he relaxed and snaked his arm around your waist, pulling your body onto his. He fell back on your mattress, bringing you on top of him. Straddling his lap, you placed your hands on either side of his head, kissing him with vigor. Jaemin groaned against your mouth, the sound sending warm shivers down your back. His lips were softer than you thought they'd be and he tasted faintly of coffee.
His hands slipped under your shirt, resting on your skin. His touch felt fiery hot. You rolled your hips over his lap impulsively, biting his both lip as a throaty groan left his mouth. He squeezed your waist and trailed his hands down to your ass.
Before things could escalate, however, your bell rang. You both stilled, separating from each other. When your eyes met, you scrambled off of him and sat at the edge of your bed, completely stunned. Jaemin rubbed his face and sat up as well, not really knowing what to say. The bell rang again, snapping you out of your daze. "I'll go get that," you muttered disorientedly, leaving Jaemin in your room. He nodded and stood up. "Actually, I'm gonna go," he said, leaving your room before you could say anything. You heard the door open and shut soon after. Your bell rang again.
You went to open your door. A delivery guy stood before you, hands empty with a confused look on his face. "The guy that just left took the pizza with him. He said that you'd pay for it." You couldn't believe it. Nonetheless, you paid the man and shut your door. What had just happened?
_
A few days passed after the incident at your dorm. Jaemin hadn't called or texted you and in all honesty, you hadn't made an attempt to contact him. You felt too embarrassed to face him. After all, it was you who'd gone onto him. Even if he didn't push you away it wasn't like either of you had agreed to start making out. You were anxious because you knew you'd ruined your friendship with him.
A part of you missed him. You enjoyed spending time with him, even though all you did was study. Everything was so bleak now that he wasn't around to humor you.
You didn't want to regret whatever had happened that night. It was amazing. You just wished it hadn't ended the way it did. You should have understood that he indeed was joking. Instead, you mistook his prodding for sarcasm.
It made no sense for you to not speak to him. You wanted to make amends, figure out what had gone wrong. But you were scared he'd ignore you. That would just make you feel worse than you already did.
So you passed the days, wafting in your own misery. Pitying yourself as if the entire weight of the world had been thrown on your shoulders.
Little did you know that all it would take was another shitty test score for you to pick up your phone and call Jaemin.
"Help me study," you said as soon as he answered the call. Jaemin was silent on the other end. "Don't just listen to me. Say something," you begged. Your heart felt heavy. You heard him sigh. "I'd rather not y/n." You got goosebumps. "Jaemin, please. We can go to fucking library if that makes you feel better," you suggested, desperate for him to agree. After giving it some thought he finally answered you. "Okay fine. Tomorrow at three. But no longer than three hours."
He hung up, leaving you feeling a tad bit better. You looked forward to the next day. Hopefully, he wouldn't act indifferent to you.
_
Jaemin sat in your usual spot at the library. He was on his phone, leg crossed over his lap leisurely. You walked up to him and took a seat beside him without a word. Seeing you had arrived, he put his phone away and turned to you. "What are we studying?"
You took out your books and opened them. "This."
Jaemin glanced over the material. No wonder you'd flunked your test. He sighed, placing the textbook between you two. Without wasting a second, he began tutoring you.
No matter how hard you tried, you just couldn't pay attention. You were too busy staring at his face, more specifically his lips. They way he'd lick them ever so often made butterflies soar in your stomach. He'd run his hand through his fluffy hair and adjust his glasses, letting your mind run wild. Jaemin didn't seem to notice your lack of focus. You figured he didn't really care. He kept glancing at his watch. It was like he was waiting for your time with him to come to an end.
Much to your dismay, eventually it did.
"I'll send you a picture of some practice material. You can use that to prepare better," he concluded, getting up from his seat. You quickly stuffed your books in your bag and ran after him.
"Jaemin wait!"
He paused. "What," he asked as he turned around. He sounded disinterested. "Can we talk," you asked? Jaemin sighed and shrugged. "What do you wanna talk about," he questioned, placing his hands in his pockets. "About what happened at my place last week."
Jaemin tensed up. "It was a mistake. I think we both understood that."
You shook your head. "I don't know Jaemin, I'm not sure I did."
He furrowed his brows. "What do you mean?"
"The more I thought about it the more I realized that I wouldn't have kissed you unless I wanted to. Not just that but you wouldn't have let it go so far if you thought it was wrong."
He seemed at a loss for words.
"When you called me cute, you did mean it in an 'I have a crush on you' type of way." You didn't need an answer for him to know you were correct.
"What are you trying to say y/n," he asked, sounding defeated.
"That I like you," you admitted. Jaemin's eyes widened. "And that you like me too," you added.
Jaemin bit his lip. "Okay, so then why were we acting like we hated each other for so long?"
You shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe because you overthink everything and I'm a big pussy."
Jaemin chuckled and slung his arm around your shoulder. "I'm sorry about that babe."
You cringed at the nickname. "Don't 'babe' me. We're not dating. Not yet."
Jaemin rolled his eyes. "Does it really need to be that formal?"
You nodded adamantly. "Of course it does."
He sighed. "Fine. Will you go out with me y/n?"
You smiled and shook your head. "I'd rather not Jaemin."
"Yeah whatever," he said with a scoff, leading you outside.
_
As soon as you were past your door Jaemin's lips were on yours in an instant. He pushed you against the wall, wrapping your legs around his waist. You held onto his shoulders, sighing into his mouth. "I missed you so fucking much," he muttered, stumbling to your room.
He dropped you on your bed and hovered over you, staring down at you somberly before kissing you again. His lips didn't stay on yours for too long, trailing down to your jaw and then your neck. You tugged at his shirt, urging him to take it off. When he did, you stared at his chiseled body in awe. "I didn't know you worked out."
Jaemin chuckled at your comment and pulled your own shirt off. He flicked the tiny bow on your bra with an amused grin. "This is cute."
You nudged his arm timidly. "I wasn't exactly preparing myself for this moment."
He said nothing further and latched his lips to your neck once again. Running your fingers through his hair, you craned your neck to the side to give him more access. He gently sucked on your skin, not too harsh that it would leave marks. You sighed and fiddled with the waistband of his sweatpants. "Do you want it off," he asked quietly, lips ghosting over yours. You nodded, biting your lip when he pushed his pants down.
His member came into sight, making your mouth water.
Taking your hand in his, he brought it to his cock. Your fingers wrapped around his girth instinctively. Jaemin suck in a breath as he made you stroke his length. His hand slipped past your panties, fingers toying with your clit. You gasped and spread your legs wider, loving the way his calloused fingertips felt. Tightening your grip around his cock, you jerked him off earnestly. In turn, Jaemin began rubbing quick circles into your sensitive bundle of nerves.
Letting go of his member, you hastily pushed your pants down your legs. Jaemin peeled your panties off of you, marveling at the sight of your glistening pussy. "Don't just stare," you complained, shutting your legs, "do something."
Jaemin wordlessly, spread your legs apart and settled down between your thighs. He glanced up at your through his lashes, asking for permission before licking a stripe up your folds. You pushed your hips against his mouth, eyes falling shut when he repeated the action. Holding onto your thighs, he nipped and sucked at your clit, groaning every time your bucked your hips into his face. You gripped onto his hair, tugging at his roots. Jaemin's fingers prodded at your slit, slowly entering your walls. He curled them up, making your arch your back in delight. It felt so good. He knew exactly what he was doing.
With his tongue skillfully moving over your clit and his fingers continuously pumping in and out of you, it didn't take long for you to feel a familiar knot in your stomach. You sat up, pulling his mouth off of your cunt. "I need you to fuck me now." Your voice was hushed, breathless because of how much you'd moaned. Jaemin's eyes had darkened considerably. He pushed you down on your back again and pressed his tip to your entrance.
Jaemin felt bigger than he looked. Not that you were complaining or anything, it just took a while to get used to. He made sure you were comfortable before slowly starting to pound into you.
You grabbed his arms as he fastened his pace, head falling back in ecstasy. Shallow breaths left his parted lips. "You feel so good," he muttered, burying his face in the crook of your neck. His breath was hot on your skin. You wrapped your arms around his neck, humming in response. You were close. Jaemin could tell.
Gripping onto your waist, he went faster, slamming his cock into you as he chased your highs. You cried out his name, squeezing your eyes shut. Your walls clenched tightly around his length, your orgasm crashing down on you intensely. Soon enough, he twitched inside you. His thighs stilled, hips snapping into you one last time before thick ropes of his cum shot into your walls. He let out a pleased groan, voice deep and raspy.
"That was amazing," you breathed, pushing your hair out of your face as Jaemin moved off of you. He smiled and tugged his pants back on, joining you under the covers. "I'm glad you enjoyed it." Jaemin pulled you into his side, letting you rest your head on his shoulder. You laughed to yourself. "What is it," Jaemin asked. You shook your head, looking at him. "To think this all started after you agreed to tutor me."
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tagging: @neosmutcollective @hoehousenet @kdiarynet @kafenetwork @nct-writers @ficscafe @whipped-kpop-creators @kpopscape
#jaemin smut#jaemin imagines#jaemin scenarios#nct dream smut#nct dream imagines#nct dream scenarios#nct smut#nct imagines#nct scenarios#nct oneshots#nct college au#jaemin x reader#nct x reader#nct jaemin#kpop smut#ficscafe#kdiarynet#neosmutcollective#nct-writers#wkcnet#kpopscape#kafenetwork
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you’ve got more poison than sugar - part iii
part i part ii AO3
Fandom: Call Of Duty
Pairing: Russell Adler x Bell
Words: 6.572
Warnings: here’s where the smut tag comes into play, boy with a copious amount of power play and yeah, it’s messy af
Author’s note: after three months, a couple of brainstorming in the bathtub, delays, revisions and self-doubt, chapter 3 is finally done. i hope you'll enjoy it. also, i don't think i have to warn you what will go down in this chapter.
━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━
Fast forward to twenty-four hours since he discovers that Bell is fucking someone, Lazar drops about half a dozen of dusty manilas on his desk. Adler’s eyes sweep over them. He recognizes Bell’s handwriting etched across the memo attached to one of the folders right away.
He picks it up. It’s becoming second nature to him lately; drawing himself to her, an ineradicable magnetic force pulling his end of the pole.
A muscle on his jaw twitches.
For a moment, Adler despises her. He allows himself to really despise her. She’s started something in his head- a war; an intangible, unmanageable riot and if he lets her, she’ll rearrange him until he’s insane.
And he can’t let that happen. He’s the one holding the leash here, not vice versa.
“This is what we have on Dragovich’s activities in Yamantau,” Lazar informs him, pulling him back down to earth.
Adler stands, keeping his face easy, neutral. “Is this everything?”
“So far, yeah. Bell says she’ll let us know if she digs up something more from the archives though.”
Bell- the Bell in question- can be heard sighing, like she turns the corner and finds herself at a cul-de-sac; hunching over her desk, reading, her fingers keep buttoning and unbuttoning the top of her shirt, madly distracting (him).
She remains in her seat, for pretty much the remainder of the day. Eyes glued to the pages before her, factory-like dedication. She hardly looks up when Sims borrows her pen or when Park stands over her, sipping her coffee, inquiring about her progress behind a plume of smoke.
The only- truly time Bell ever lifts her head from her work is when Mason approaches her desk. She gazes up at him, notes forgotten, a kittenish smile etched across her face, come-hither eyes that could have time hung in motion, or held at ransom, perhaps. Mason’s own smile is full-blown, too wide, too genial, as he stalks closer and closer to her table, her whirlpool.
Adler does a double-take, like his eyeballs only functioning for the first time. He might as well be hallucinating it because no... this can’t be right, can it?
But then Mason is touching her hand, a blink-and-you-miss-it movement that was not lost on Adler and oh, she’s looking at him hopefully now.
The knots in Adler's stomach are vertiginous. Realization rings in his head like a gunshot, nearly leaving him in a daze. There’s no denying it. Not when the exchange unfurls before his eyes like a broken, warped film reel and there’s nothing to stop him from seeing it.
The thought of her and him haunts the rest of his waking hours, until there’s absolutely no telling how far he’s fallen into his own pit.
━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ ( Alex Mason fucked her that night.
Mason was in her bed; beside her, above her, under her. Inside her. He imagines her fingers digging into the mattress as Mason rolled her onto her stomach, mouth trailing down the ladder of her spine. Their breaths intermingled in the seraphic glow of her hotel room.
Alex Mason fucked her. It shouldn't leave an acrid taste in his mouth, but it does.)
━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ She haphazardly reaches for the mug and takes a hearty gulp of its content. It’s not hers.
“Oh god, I’m so sorry,” Bell says, mortified and places the mug down noisily on the desk. “I’m sorry, I thought it was mine.”
The rim of his mug is now stained with her lipstick. Adler bites down on a careful retort.
He thinks he knows now. Why he lets it happen, why he thinks of her in metaphors, why she gives him that vertigo. The answer is at the tip of his tongue- he can almost taste it, like spoiled milk or rancid gardenia. But it’s much easier to ignore it until the words grow diminuendo and disappear, that he thinks he imagined it all along.
━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━
You can’t obsess without turning around and getting lost in the middle.
Or losing a part of yourself in the process.
The idea of obsession, to obsess, perhaps is a far riskier thing for a person to have than playing the knife game, blindfolded with absolutely no telling where to start.
Yet we all do it, despite knowing the very dark flipside it possesses.
Perhaps it’s the very nature of humans, tucked deep within the pigeonhole of our minds, suffused by the very promise of bogus achievements that usually leads most of us insane, thinking that obsession is essential to living. But without it, artists are corporate slaves, slack-jawed know-it-alls moving stiffly in the middle of the hullabaloo that is our world; Paris would be just as unrecognizable today without Napoleon’s artistic legacy.
Obsession is good.
Obsession is dangerous.
The very dichotomy should have us all warded off of it.
Yet, again, we all do it. Again, and again, and again until it taints our veins. And it’s always far too late until you realize, that yes, now all you see is her, the air has been poisoned by her perfume, that her name is now forevermore engraved in your skin, like an overgild tattoo.
That you end up in downtown Berlin, out of sight, out of mind.
He finds them there, in a shoebox-sized cafe. Ill-lit, low-ceiling, coffee-stained floor that shows the wear of three decades worth of boots, pantoffels and high heels and Adler is sitting in his car, nursing a beer with but one all-consuming, perplexing thought:
Bell and Mason.
Someone told him they arrived together, about an hour ago. The cafe has become their usual haunts, his source said, ever since they’ve returned from Ukraine and Adler just can’t wrap his head around this- them. In his head, they’re wholly different entities. Two proper nouns separated by a conjunction, or a comma if mentioned in a list.
They’re the kind of opposites that he thought don’t attract, yet here they are.
Perhaps it's inevitable, both are products of brainwashing. Maybe they sensed one another, speaking in code, like detecting an RF signal from a nuclear bunker.
Then the doors to the cafe swing open. They step outside, cheeks flushed, his arm wrapped around her waist, her lips glueing on the slope of his neck. Shaded eyes watch them from the opposite street, his disgust obvious.
Now, Adler wonders how this all began. Someone must have made the first move.
He wonders if it was her. ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━
"You wanted to see me?"
Adler looks up from his desk and nods. "Lock the door behind you."
And Alex Mason, the root of all this trouble, obeys. Looking somewhat uncertain under the scrutiny of the harsh lights, and shuts the blinds. Unlike Woods, he takes a seat at the chair Adler sets up before the desk.
"What is it?" Mason asks, after a long, almost unending silence. His curiosity seeps through the room.
There is very little control when the first domino falls. Oftentimes, once it starts, it’s like crossing the Rubico n and the next thing you know, you are lying flat on the ground in some theater, 23 fresh stab wounds decorating your body and the beat of your pulse seems dim and distant, everything feels cold except your blood; warm, bright and thick like gasoline, crawling into every space until it goes into your throat and strangles you, kills you. Fini, kaput.
But then again, he's not Caesar and this isn't Rome.
Adler pushes the first tile.
"How long has this been going on?" he asks without fanfare, tight and composed as ever. Never mind the way his eyes ignite like cold blue fire behind his glasses.
"How long has what been going on?"
“You and Bell." And Mason blinks at him in surprise. Bingo. "I saw the two of you leaving for her hotel from a cafe in Downtown Berlin last night. So don't bother skirting your way around this.” Adler leans forward across his desk. He’s a man on a mission- there’s no stopping him now.
“Now, let me rephrase the question, how long have you been fucking her?"
"Hold on, hold on, you were stalking us?" Mason asks, waspish.
Adler winces inwardly. "I was keeping an eye out for my asset.”
“Asset?” Mason hisses, like Adler just blasphemed. “Jesus Christ, Russ, is that all she ever is to you? An asset? She’s your protégé, for god’s sake- a person! What is wrong with you?"
"Plenty. Or apparently, so I've been told.”
"I don't find you amusing.”
“I'm hardly ever,” Adler parries. Mason remains silent, yet the tilt of his lips translate exactly what words can't. "And you haven't answered my question."
“Bullshit. I don’t owe you anything."
"Listen, Al-"
"No, you listen to me. You may be calling the shots around here, but this has absolutely nothing to do with you. Whatever- or whoever - we're doing in our spare time is none of your business, do you understand? So you can just drop it," Mason seethes, bitter, and, much to Adler’s surprise, rises to leave. “We’re done here.”
"That's where you're wrong."
Mason has only managed to put a few paces between them before he turns around, once again stepping inside this metaphorical boxing ring.
"What?"
"This has everything to do with me," Adler says coolly. "You said it yourself, I'm the one who calls the shots here. Meaning, anything that could potentially fuck up my operation is my concern and I have the right to intervene should it needed. This, being a case in point."
Mason looks at him like he’s grown a second head. “What the hell does fucking her have to do with this whole operation?”
“Everything.” He says it like quiet resignation. It’s time to acknowledge the truth, he thinks, to that unusual idea that has been swirling in the deep recesses of his mind, that everyone’s weakness is varied.
Achilles had his heel, and Adler has her.
“I don’t understand.”
“You don’t have to, Al. You don't even know her."
Mason gives him a level stare. "And you do?"
Adler is so hard-pressed to say 'I made her' but even he wouldn't stoop that low.
"That is beside the point,” Adler tells him instead as he turns to his vice- one of them, at least- and lights it.
“There is literally no point to this conversation.”
“The point is, stay the hell away from Bell. I'm saying this for your own good."
"My own good or yours?"
Adler does not flinch, but his hand does ball into a fist under the table, how the fingers curl and then flex.
"Don't be ridiculous. I gain nothing from this except assurance." It's a lie, it's the truth. There's no in between. He doesn’t know which is which anymore. "You, on the other hand, I'm sure the old ball and chain wouldn't be near as thrilled about hearing this if word ever gets out."
Mason is quiet for a beat.
"Is that a threat?"
"Only once I pulled the pin," Adler replies, a dangerous undercurrent in his voice.
But the thing with Mason, he'll come to realize later, is how much, like with Bell, weaving through his mind is like trying to grasp for purchase in the dark as he, once again, does the unpredicted and smile- a venomous grin warps his face, like he’s mocking him, challenging him to move his piece on the board and make this mistake.
Adler stares back, surprised despite himself.
He shocks him further by saying, "Go ahead, then. Pull the pin, throw the grenade, tell her. See if she cares."
Adler’s eyes narrow at his askance. He then drags his attention to Mason’s left hand, and something grave and familiar rises in his chest.
The absence of the metal band around his ring finger tells him why.
“You know where to reach her. If anything, I’m sure she’d trust your words better than anyone else’s. So please, do it.” And Mason’s so goddamn sanctimonious about it. He’s clearly expecting this particular reaction out of Adler. It only leaves Adler angrier.
Another long pause stretches, heavy and unkind.
"Fine. Maybe she won't mind, but I'm sure the Agency wouldn’t be as tolerant.” Adler takes one last drag of his cigarette. He has that ‘Having nothing, nothing can he lose’ look on his face that makes Mason frowns. “Not when you’ve been fraternizing with the enemy.”
"What?”
"Bell. She’s not who you think she is, Al. Tell me, who do you think is the sorry bastard we saved in Trabzon?”
Mason blinks. His face is blank with shock, then he shakes his head. And he keeps shaking it, almost manic. If he laughs, which one would come first, he wonders, the gun or his fist pummeling the side of his face?
“You’re lying.”
“And why would I lie to you about this?”
"No, no, no, Woods- he told me the guy’s dead,” Mason says, his words are shaky.
“He’s not. And he wasn’t a he."
A crease forms between Mason's eyebrows, the starting of another frown.
“Hold on, if she’s helping us get Perseus then why is she the enemy?”
"Because she doesn't know that."
"Doesn't know what?"
"That she's the enemy."
Mason holds his gaze for a moment, his expression tense, like a slingshot.
And that cold elastic band finally snaps.
“What did you do to her?” He’s openly glaring at him now, mouth tight, an icy fury that is no longer dormant and for the first time since Adler has known him, he finds the man dangerous.
Adler takes a steadying breath. “We did what had to be done.”
"You sick son of a bitch. You brainwa- You-” Mason clamps his mouth shut, trembling hands finding his head. “Shit. How could you?"
Adler ignores his colorful outburst.
“She resisted every form of interrogations we threw at her, Al. We had no choice but to implement MK-Ultra as a last resort. We needed what’s in her head.” Mason is silent in reply. Adler continues, “Look, it’s nasty business, I know, but some of us have to cross a line just to make sure that line's still there in the morning. And as much as I hate agreeing with Hudson, he’s right. We need to preserve our way of life.”
“That doesn’t give you the right to play God,” his voice is resentful and crisp. “Do you have any idea what you are doing? You could jeopardize everything, and for what? You’ve seen what this- this experiment did to me, this won’t end the way you think!”
“Lightning never strikes the same place twice.”
"You’re really willing to gamble on that?”
Adler scowls. “I don’t gamble, Mason. I calculate. And if by some chance I was given a second chance, I’d do it all over again. I’ll do whatever it takes.”
Mason doesn’t say anything at first, his loaded gun stare never falters. Then, “The flag may be different, but the methods are the same.”
"What was that?”
“Someone warned me, a long time ago, about how people like you will use people like me or Bell as pawns in your own game. You’d do whatever it takes to get what you want- and my, how you get results, don’t you? But you’re actually no different than the rest of the assholes you're fighting against,” Mason tells him, like he’s spitting out acid in Adler’s face.
“Bell may be the enemy- heck, she could be the architect behind all the chaos Perseus has done, but what you’re doing to her is vile and unethical. There are many ways to make her spill the beans, yet you chose the most immoral method there is out there. I sincerely hope you rot in hell for this."
Before Adler could formulate a response to his tirade, Mason stands to his feet.
“You want me to stay away from her? Fine. Consider this as my formal resignation. After Yamatau, I’m done. I’m out of the team. And if you know what’s good for you, you stay the fuck away from me because I don't ever want to see your face again, do you hear me?” he snarls. “If you think Woods is dangerous, Adler, just remember I nearly could have killed my own president."
Then Mason turns on his heel and walks out of the room, once and for all. ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━
The fist is very much expected, and so does the pain that follows.
"You're out of your fucking depth, shithead," Woods spits, venom lacing his words.
Adler doesn't even bother to retaliate.
He doesn’t see the point. He didn’t think it would get this far. ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━
The garage grows quiet and stodgy with now Mason and Woods are out of the picture. Everyone settles back into their own normal rhythm, the same routine before both men set their feet here almost a week ago.
Hudson doesn’t take the news of their departure kindly, naturally. He stands in Adler’s office, pacing, fuming. Adler ignores him, trying to nurse the skull-splitting migraine he's having at his desk instead. The nasty black eye hidden underneath his glasses. A secret locked, the key thrown away.
His headache, thankfully, has subsided when Sims takes a seat on the other side of the desk, hours later after Hudson left.
"I'm not trying to cause an alarm here, but you'd better watch your back."
Adler's brows furrow but doesn’t look up from the papers before him. "And why's that?"
"'Cause I think you just pissed off the wrong beast," Sims tells him. Adler pauses, then lifts his head to look at his cohort. There's genuine worry flashing over his face.
“Are you talking about Bell?”
“Who else?”
If she's a beast, then what am I? What he wants to ask, but there's a knock at the door and he swallows the words down his throat.
"Come in," Adler says, pretending to be reading again.
The door opens and Bell, fucking Bell, enters his office. It's like watching a tiger pass by your hiding spot in near dark. Neither he nor Sims breathes a word.
Bell's gaze immediately swings to him, like a cosmic pull. She's watching him as she wanders over to the desk and the weight of her stare burns him like Greek fire.
He pushes the documents close, all the while returning her stare. He is never the one who backs out of a challenge, and at this point, he knows that she probably knows that. Maybe that’s why she initiated it in the first place.
"Bell, what is it?" Adler asks firmly, in possession of his full power in this place.
Bell produces three diskettes from her pocket. Something odd definitely shining in her eyes.
"These have been lying on Lazar's desk for hours, but he's busy, so I thought I'd deliver them to you myself," Bell says. And he's trying to work out on her angle but she is unreadable. As always.
Adler nods, frustrated and indignant. "You can leave them here. Thank you."
It is only once the woman leaves that the two agents share a dark, significant look. That was too close.
And it goes without saying, something needs to be done about this. ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━
March 7th. A's insistence on raising the dosage is illogical. Recent behavioural analysis indicates depression. Will monitor for the next few days. Considering lowering the dosage instead. ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━
The elevator reeks of smoke, cheap Soviet air freshener and something far more poisonous than the devil’s spider, silky hands.
It embodies the woman standing next to him right now- this special animal, emotionless, a constant mystery wrapped with a warning sign.
Adler is tempted to shut his eyes.
Or get out of here. He doesn’t dwell well in this atmosphere, this limited space shared with her alone. He probably should have listened to Hudson about taking Bell for this mission, but she’s the only one he trusts who won’t fuck this up. Not to mention her spotless Russian has proven to help them blend in with the crowd seamlessly.
He needs her, whether he would admit it aloud or not.
But she puts his head in such a spin.
She’s been near-mute since they departed from Germany. She barely acknowledges his questions and orders, barely looks at him. She’s been treating him as if he’s another shadow on the wall.
He rubs the side of his jaw. Something does need to be done about this.
“Are you going to stay quiet forever?” Adler asks. He’s bad at this, but he can’t stand her silence for much longer. Not to mention, they’re at the Lubysnka- the fucking lion's den. If she wants to wallow over Mason’s absence or sinks into whatever melancholic feeling she’s in, she can do it later.
Bell hums, her mouth curls up like serpentine. Adler sketches a confused frown. And she says, “I don’t know. Should I?”
And then, sudden and swift, Bell undoes the cuffs of her uniform. Beady eyes never leave his.
The sight catches him off guard. Somewhere in his mind, he curses something like ‘you’re a beast’ and ‘what the hell are you?’ at her, all in negative connotations. The effects she inflicts on him is maddening.
“What are you doing?” Adler doesn’t bother to hide his surprise.
Bell shrugs and gestures to the duffle bag at their feet. “Gearing up.”
Oh. Embarrassment wells up in him. Fucking hell, this woman will be the death of him.
Her fingers quickly move on to the buttons, still indifferent, nearly tearing them from the seams. The first glimpse of her skin and Adler can’t help but give in, openly stares at her in a way he has never imagined before. Her clavicles like daggers glinting in the lamplight.
Curiosity is a dangerous and heavy load.
He should have closed his eyes.
“Enjoying the show?” Her voice pulls him back from his musings. Her eyes still zero in on him, cutting him to pieces.
Her cleavage comes into view.
The lines on Adler’s face grow taut.
“What do you want, Bell?” He asks, intending for a bark but it ends somewhere like a plea.
“I want many things. As of right now, I want Alex’s cock inside me.” And Adler nearly chokes on his own breath. Bell, eagle-eyed as ever, caught the movement. “But it seems someone insists on being in control of everything, isn’t he?” she snaps.
Adler’s back goes rigid. Trepidation bubbles up in his chest.
Of course, she knows.
“It's not about control.” Adler turns around. He doesn’t quite know what he’s avoiding at this point, her flesh or the truth. “It’s about what’s right.”
He hears her uniform touches her floor as she laughs, mirthless, like broken chandeliers. “I didn’t know whose cock I’m riding is any concern of yours.”
“It is when he’s a member of the team,” he seethes. “What you’re doing with Alex will only lead to complications. And I can’t have tha-”
“Because this is all about you, isn’t it? It’s about upholding your precious reputation in the Agency, controlling the narrative the way you want it no matter how many characters you kill off in the process. It’s always about what you want.” Bell interrupts, not missing a beat. “You selfish motherfucker.”
"This has nothing to do with my reputation in the CIA."
She scoffs. "Spare me the crap, Adler."
Adler turns to fully face her again and holds his arms open, the way someone is facing the firing squad. “Fine. Fine, yes, I’m a selfish motherfucker. I did it because I thought it could ruin the operation. Is that what you wanted to hear? Now, what are you going to do about it?”
She says nothing at first. He silently catalogues her movements as she steps towards him now, half-naked and furious. He feels pinned.
Then, “What do you want me to do about it?”
His mouth dries at the implication. She is temptation, benediction, the coarse ice block before the carver.
How terrible it is to lose control, even just once.
A knowing, vicious smirk flashes over her face. Adler feels like he’s just shown his hand.
“You are one selfish bastard and a coward to boot, aren’t you?” Bell sneers before he has a chance to respond. “At least, Alex was brave enough to make the first move, but you…” her gaze raking up and down his figure coldly, a jeweller presented with second-grade imitations. Wind her up and this honey bee stings.
“You’ll always be the man who hides behind his shades,” she says, dry as dust, and steps back and snatches her clothes from the bag.
This is, without a single doubt, the longest elevator ride he’s ever experienced in his life. ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━
Adler arrived back in Berlin breathing a little harder. Worry wrapped around his neck like a noose, placed by Bell herself; the judge, jury and executioner.
The knot tightens every time his mind refers to her.
The agency trained him, specifically, to keep calm under pressure. He didn’t coin the title “America’s Monster” from his colleagues for nothing. They don’t fear him because he’s hot-headed or thinks in large-scale violence— guns blazing, napalm-induced flames over the hill in the morning, bloodied knuckles and fractured jaw, blood-soaked soles tarnishing the white marble floor. Someone can point a fucking shotgun to his face and he’ll barely flinch. Only monsters remain impassive to direct threats of violence.
But there’s something about Bell that elicits this visceral, primal reaction out of him. Something strange and new; lightning about to be uncapped from its chains.
It chokes him, frightens him to the core.
How gauche is it, don’t you think, that his own mind is conspiring against him?
Now, in the garage, where it dawns on Adler that she’s probably the only person who can make him walk around the city, feeling like a fool, he decides he’s had enough. ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━
“I’ll drive you back.”
Adler apprehends Bell outside the garage. He kind of assumed she’d have a pistol aimed at his head right now, but she spins around, hands shoved deep inside her pockets and clayey mouth curls in distaste.
“Get in the car, Bell,” Adler says tightly, almost adding please.
But he would not beg.
The brunette remains rooted in her place. For a moment, a calculating look crossed her face. Always, always that sharp mind of hers turning and he wonders where it would take her this time.
“Try asking nicely,” she demands.
Adler’s eyes flash. She really is testing him. But fine, he'll play her game.
“Bell, would you kindly get in the car?” He is all but snarls, teeth gritting. Bell hardly wavers- he wishes she would waver for a change.
She does what he asked of her, finally, the shadow of a smirk on her face mocking him. Adler follows suit, teeth still clenched together, and starts the car and drives away.
It's sort of like a deja-vu, he supposes; him and her in this very same car, except that stupid krautrock music is absent this time. Neither says anything for the first twenty minutes. Everything feels heavily still.
Until he realizes she’s probably waiting for his move.
This might gloriously blow up in his face, yes, he knows this. Especially remembering the last time he was alone in a tight space with her, it had cost him his pride.
And his mind.
But he’s been here before, in the eye of the storm. He was at his calmest here. He has his cards prepared now.
Adler inhales deeply.
“Look, I’m sorry,” he utters resolutely. He doesn’t look at her, doesn’t want to. “I was out of line, I admit it. Your affair with Mason should be no concern of mine but I really am just trying to look out for you.”
It’s weak, he knows. The words feel more like an anchor than an actual apology in his tongue anyway, but Adler didn’t expect that Bell would give him nothing. Not even an acknowledging hum, a scathing retort, a scoff. Nothing.
A twinge of irritation brews in his stomach. Why does she insist on playing games?
The car comes to a stop. They’ve arrived. Adler wrests his hands from the steering wheel to say something harsh to her, but Bell is already stepping out of the car.
She stands on the sidewalk; an enigma in royal red, and her lethal, all-seeing eyes gravitate to him in the night.
There is a long paralyzing beat where they just stare at each other- which seems to be a running theme between them lately. Adler is fuming, as he is confused.
It feels like hours, centuries, eons, but, like all magic, the spell is broken. Courtesy of a stranger hailing a cab behind his car.
Bell turns and walks inside the building. She doesn’t bother sparing him the final glance or extend her appreciation for the ride back and Adler thinks to himself, this universe, god fucking damnit, nothing makes sense here.
But it is also in moments like this that the world spins, when he notices a singular, significant detail that makes his stomach roll, nearly throwing him off balance:
Bell left the passenger door open.
And he’s insane- he has to be, right? He’s looking too much into this. It doesn’t mean anything. His mind conjures an image, like a graphic guideline or something, step one: get out of the car, two: make your way around and close the passenger door, and third: zoom out of the neighborhood while your sanity is still intact, all in that order. Easy to comprehend, to follow.
Adler only does the first two steps. He’s ass-backwards doesn’t even bother to digest the third step.
He enters the hotel instead and takes in the surroundings. The lobby is pointedly bare, but warm and smoky. The concierge is reading behind the counter- a young, wiry boy with shocking bleached hair- with headphones on. It’s late, he probably doesn’t expect anyone to check in at this hour.
A movement by the staircase catches his interest. He sees Bell climbing up the steps slowly, leisurely. Adler makes his way there.
Halfway reaching her floor, Adler has the inkling that she knows that he’s following her. Also, because the next she does is glancing back at him over her shoulder. He waits for her to push him down the stairs or wrap those delicate hands around his neck. She does neither. She doesn’t want him gone.
Yet, his mind betrays him. Only because she doesn’t know what other atrocities he’s committed to her.
She stops by her door, opens it and goes in first. Adler, without waiting for a formal fucking invitation, slips in behind her.
Her room is much smaller than his. The TV is still on- a German dubbed of All the President’s Men is playing- a stack of books and meds lying haphazardly on the desk table.
The door clicks shut behind him. Bell wanders over to the table and turns off the TV. Her back to him.
She doesn’t bother turning the light switch on. The green neon of the hotel sign outside illuminates the room, bathes her in it, making her look even stranger and faraway.
He doesn’t take off his sunglasses.
“What do you want, Bell?” Adler is all but snarling. His anger comes in a bottle with a twist-off cap. “I’m fucking sick of playing your games. I apologized, I admitted I was wrong- I fucked up, but what more could you want?”
Jesus, and now he’s losing his temper over a brainwashed Russian who rarely talks. How did it come to this?
She tugs off her gloves. Once again, barely acknowledging him. Apparently, if ignoring him is an art form, she is the fucking Monet.
Until:
“Take them off.”
Adler blinks hard behind his glasses. Like he’s just stepped into a whole different earth.
His mouth moves.
“What?”
“Your sunglasses. Take them off.”
He stares at her back. Trying really, really hard to make sure he’s not hallucinating this, but then Bell turns around, a finger tapping against her arm, waiting.
Realization hits him like an uppercut in the face and nearly leaves him in a daze. He’s walked into a trap. That much is clear as day. She wants him to suffer as she does. An eye for an eye.
Adler holds no modicum of control in her domain, not unless she gives the reins. Once again, she plays the judge, jury and executioner at her own court.
But, like before, he’ll play her game.
There, the glasses are off. His eyes, bare, blue like fractured ice, meeting hers. In the dark, he feels her eyes shift to assess his bruise.
His heart booms against his ribs.
"Kneel,” she says glibly.
He obeys, again. His legs and hands don’t shake, but his mind is much less governable than his limbs. No, the CIA didn’t prepare a manual for situations like this and he doesn’t trust his instincts to help him dance his way around this.
Nor does he want to.
The thought fucks him up to a degree.
Adler should have known that it wouldn’t take an entire nation or continent to bring him to his knees, no, no. That would have been too easy, anyway. Although history has dictated and taught him that women are never to be underestimated, Adler hasn’t expected that one woman would be able to do the deed and succeed.
But then again, when that woman is Bell, he supposes anything is possible.
When Bell approaches him, he’s unable to take his gaze from her. Her eyes spangle with determination, an avenging soul in the neon lights. Her fingers work on the sash of her coat. The line of her mouth is flat and inscrutable. The air crackles with electricity and a promise of the unsayable, the unattainable.
She stands over him now, gloveless and coatless. She’s powerful like this and he can only crane his head up at her, ceding his fate in her hands, against his better judgement. She catches that.
Suddenly, something unpleasant breaks on her face, like when one’s smelling something foul or pungent.
Bell reaches down and grips his jaw painfully in one hand, her nails digging into his skin, and tilts his head sideways. Strange that his stomach leaps at that.
“Say you’re sorry,” she spits furiously. “And say it like you fucking mean it.”
He feels, suddenly, triumphant and chuckles darkly. Eight fucking long weeks and the beast finally shows her claws.
“Try asking nicely,” Adler parrots her words from before, not a beat missed. Two can play that game, he thinks. "Or are you above niceness, Bell?”
Her grip tightens.
"You’re one to talk,” Bell says. Then, rubs the pad of her thumb over his scarred cheek and it feels like forgiveness, or the beginning of it, at least.
His confusion spikes.
Her nose skims down his jawline.
A better, sensible man would apologize. He'd squander it until his tongue burns acid, he'd beg for her forgiveness like a man asking for repentance before his god.
“Why did you do it, Russell?” Bell whispers against his skin now, baleful and raspy. Her chest rising and falling too rapidly.
But he’s a sick bastard, a selfish motherfucker, a heartless monster. All he does is hurt the people around him. He doesn’t get to take from her, not after what he's done.
Still, Adler catches her wrist. Relishing the way her wrist bone grinds under his hold. He pulls his face back to look at her.
“You know why.”
Her eyes flick dangerously to his lips.
Desperation really can make the most vulgar things tolerable.
“Then prove it.”
So he does. As his hand reaches up to her neck, past the delicious column of her throat and with a precise swift, Adler grabs a fistful of her hair, the feminine gasp escaping her mouth is like a jolt to his groin, and kisses her.
Bell responds in kind. That little beast. She grasps his collar and drags him up to his feet, impatient with want. She laps at him, bites and sucks. His free hand snakes around her waist, pulling her impossibly closer.
She pulls away, catching her breath, and his teeth skim down her jaw, her neck. He bites her there in retaliation, on the delicious junction of her neck and shoulder, into the fabric of her shirt, making his intentions clear. Bell chokes in surprise and scrapes her nails over his scalp.
It hurts. But with pain, along comes pleasure and it’s good. It’s so good, Adler melts with a shaky breath.
His gloves come off first. Next, she pulls him free off his jacket, his sweater and snakes a hand between his legs, stroking him. He bites off a strangled ‘fuck’ into her throat. He’s worked up real fast already. Adler manages to make a short work of her shirt, unclasping her bra before he’s all but pushes her onto the bed.
Adler settles above her, capturing her lips in another feverish, hot-blooded kiss. He tugs her zipper down and slips his hand inside her pants. Her cunt’s everything he’s come to expect: wet, warm and oh-so wrong. She sucks in a breath. Her hips move against his hand. His blood sings. She throws her head back against the pillow, while his finds her earlobe.
“Has this proven my point, Bell?” he asks. His answer starts on a moan and ends with a breathless ‘yes’.
He doesn’t let her come that easily. No, he wants to drag this out for as long as he can until it drives her mad. So, Adler peels the rest of her clothes away, pulls her shoulder and turns her onto her stomach. He pins her down, hard. She gasps loudly against the white pillowcase, her hand fists into the sheets.
Adler slots himself behind her. His hand tracing along her spine, followed by his mouth, just how he fantasized once upon a time. His other hand quickly undoes the snap of his pants. Everything has been poisoned by her and her only; she is in his tongue, his veins, his mind, his lungs. She takes the centrefold of his mind and it's ridiculous.
He presses himself against her ass. His mouth falls open. Her body trembles. She’s all sin and racing hearts and sweaty flesh. She’s perfect. His now free hand slides up to the nape of Bell’s neck, reaching her throat, pressing down. She makes this high-pitched, demanding noise as she moves her hips back against him, leaving him wanting, helpless at the thought of having her right here, right now, in the warm neon glow of her hotel room.
“Please,” Bell begs. He groans in response and he gives it to her. Fuck, he’d give her anything if she begs just exactly like that.
When Adler is finally inside her, he thinks his world drops dead. He sets a merciless pace. He is not a gentle man and there is nothing gentle in the supple arch of her back, a rose bent backwards in the wind, as he pants along her neck before he pulls out, twists her onto her back again and pushes deeper into her until she comes apart underneath him (he’s made sure she begs for it- please, Russell. Oh god, Russell)
(He didn’t have to. Russell Adler is never the kind of man to fall for his dark side, but Christ knows he is only one man)
#russell adler#russell adler x bell#adler x bell#cod cold war#cod bell#cod#call of duty#call of duty black ops#call of duty cold war#alex mason#frank woods#helen park#lawrence sims#jason hudson#lazar azoulay
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Study tips for people who’ve never had to study before
It recently came to my attention that there are a whole load of ~highly achieving~ students out there who’ve never had to learn to study, but suddenly being naturally gifted just doesn't work anymore. I’ve been in this exact position & came out of it ok, so here are some important things I picked up along the way/wish I knew back then.
Habits. If you build good study habits early, before things start getting intense, you’ll be well set for when the stress comes. Maybe always finish your homework before tea, or come home and study for an hour before you change into sweats. Association is helpful - if you have an established routine for something else, like getting a coffee or sports training or practicing an instrument, say you’ll always study directly before or after that. Make it work for you.
Little and often. People say this about languages but it’s the same for anything. Half an hour every day is so much more effective than 3 hours in a day, once a week, and you won't feel wiped out afterwards either. This works for long term projects as well - breaking things down into manageable chunks and doing one little bit per day is much less overwhelming than sitting down and telling yourself you’re writing your whole essay today.
Time management. Parkinson’s law is real. Set yourself a limit, say you’re going to write this essay before tea, or you’re going to do this maths for no more than 2 hours. Things will drag on and fill as much time as you allow them to, especially bigger projects, so stick to a schedule. If at all possible, aim to have bigger assignments complete at least a week before they’re due, so you have time for printer problems, formatting disasters, etc etc. This ties in with organisation, which is equally important. I don’t mean perfectly drawn schedules and bullet journals (even if thats what studyblr wants us to believe) but get a diary, I use a page per day diary but you can use a notebook, wall planner, whatever. Put deadlines and classes and exams and everything in there asap, and then day to day you can make a to-do list of smaller tasks. These should be flexible, so if something comes up or a task is unexpectedly complicated, you can adapt and just add it to the next day. Don’t set your expectations too high - its better to set out to work for 4 hours and achieve that than to say you’ll do 8, only manage 4 and feel like a failure.
Your environment is important! Your desk does not have to be all white minimalism and pastel highlighters to be a good study space, but try make it as clear as possible, well lit, and free from distractions. The bigger the better. Make sure you have everything you need within reach, including a plug for a charger, if you use a laptop. Quiet is ideal but not always possible, so make yourself a playlist of background music (or try one of mine, here.) Libraries are great, because they’re literally designed for reading in and having people working around you can be really motivating. Avoid procrastination at all costs. Leave your phone somewhere far away, turn it off, or use the forest app. And try not to work where you sleep, because that won't help with your work or your sleep (bedroom is fine, in bed is not.)
Test yourself. Repeated retrieval is the best form of learning, so if you have past papers or quizzes thats great, use them! If not, writing your own questions or getting some study buddies and writing questions for each other is a good way of studying, because it forces you to think about the material in a different way.
Teach others. It’s great if you have a friend or two to revise with, but if not, try writing presentations, talking to yourself, a pet, a plant... anyone who’ll listen. Break down concepts into simpler language, as if you were explaining it to someone younger. Use flow charts and clear diagrams, and be concise. This will not only consolidate your understanding, but you'll get some great notes out of it (and presentation practice.)
Your notes do not have to be beautiful! I love looking at these aesthetic studyblr notes as much as the next person but realistically that takes hours and calligraphy is not an efficient use of your precious time. Try to keep them as concise as possible - bullet points are good - and use no more than 3 colours per page or they’ll lose meaning. Don’t go too hard with the highlighters. Arrows and annotations and post it note additions are all excellent - don’t rewrite what you’ve already got! That is not good revision. I’m sorry. Try using a whiteboard. For short answer questions, calculations, quick diagrams - anything you’d use scrap paper for - a mini white board is great. I mean something like this which is cheap and also better for the rainforests than using a whole bunch of paper that you’re just going to throw out. I *borrowed* mine from school which I do not condone but may be an option.
Take regular breaks. A good rule of thumb is that your break should be around 25% of your study time, so if you study for an hour - 15 minutes off. Study for 8 hours - 2 hours off. And take your breaks properly - get up, leave the room if you can. Get some fresh air, even if thats just opening a window, drink some coffee water, have a snack if you need it. Try not to fuel yourself on junk food - biscuits are essential but have some fruit or nuts or something as well - they actually help your brain work and you’ll feel better for it.
Don’t compare. I know this is easier said than done, but study for yourself. Find your own method, whether that’s what everyone around you does or not. Try not to compare grades, either. A little bit of competition can be healthy, but (especially around exams) don’t listen to the people who “only did 12 hours last night.” Equally, ignore the people who say they haven't studied at all and don’t let either of them get to you. You know how hard you’re working, and who know how efficient they are?
It’s never too late. This is maybe the most important thing to take away from this. You may have weeks, even days until your final/assessment/essay, but it is not too late to start studying. I’ll make a post about how to cram later, but even though its not ideal, it can definitely be the difference between a pass and a fail or an A and an A*. So if you think you’ve left it too late - you haven’t.
Good luck, and feel free to message me if you want more tips/details/a sympathetic shoulder to cry on about how hard all this is <3
#studyblr#studyspo#study tips#studying#study#study aesthetic#revision#work#learning#dark academia#light academia#light academic#dark academic#university#college#school#exams#online exams#remote learning#lockdown#uni#medschool#medics#medblr#advice#becks writes#help#organisation#desk#time management
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[CN] Idle Chat with Gavin
🍒 Warning: This post contains detailed spoilers for a feature which has not been released in English servers! 🍒
The CN server was recently graced with a new feature called 随便聊聊 (“Idle Chat”), where you can select a mood and talk to the love interests about work, life, and studies :>
Idle Chat with: Kiro / Lucien / Shaw / Victor
[ WORK - Topic 1: Overtime ]
1. Mood: Happy
MC: Yay! I don’t have to work overtime today! Want to have a sumptuous meal together?
Gavin: Good timing. I’m off shift today
Gavin: Apart from eating
Gavin: We can find other things to do.
-
2. Mood: Upset
MC: I’m sorry I’m sorry. I might reach an hour late today. I have to work overtime suddenly to handle something...
Gavin: It’s okay
Gavin: I’ll come over to accompany you during that one hour. That way, you won’t be considered late.
-
3. Mood: Angry
MC: I really don’t want to work overtime any longer. I’ve been sleeping right after getting home for so many consecutive days, and have absolutely no personal time...
Gavin: Have you been sleeping well?
Gavin: Once you’re done with this busy period, let’s go for a long vacation together.
-
[ WORK - Topic 2: Income ]
1. Mood: Happy
MC: I had a shock when I checked the accounts. Without realising it, I’ve saved so much money! It shows that persevering in financial management is very useful!
Gavin: I find it very useful too.
Gavin: When I was young, I’d put my future into a savings box
Gavin: Now, I’ll put my future into our hands.
-
2. Mood: Upset
MC: Why is it always so easy to spend money, but so difficult to earn it
Gavin: Mm, I also wonder about this question...
Gavin: Want to do up a plan to save money together?
-
3. Mood: Angry
MC: Barely ten minutes after being happy about payday, several notification messages for arrears arrived! I shouldn’t have purchased so many things last month!
Gavin: This month, I’ll be your shopping supervisor.
Gavin: If there’s anything you want to buy, let me know.
-
[ WORK - Topic 3: Program Progress ]
1. Mood: Happy
MC: Do you still remember the program I talked to you about before? After persistent hard work, we managed to secure a partnership!
Gavin: I remember
Gavin: Back then, you said you wouldn’t give up
Gavin: I’m also very happy to see that you didn’t give up.
-
2. Mood: Upset
MC: There hasn’t been any progress in the recent program... All inspiration has been expended, and our operations have also been exhausted...
Gavin: Want to go for a short trip with me over the weekend?
Gavin: To refresh your inspiration and motivation.
-
3. Mood: Angry
MC: The data provided by the partner is absurd! If I were to go along with them, nothing would be done!
Gavin: In that case, give them an absurd proposal
Gavin: They’ll know where they’ve gone wrong.
-
[ WORK - Topic 4: Program Results ]
1. Mood: Happy
MC: This program was successfully approved! I think my incredibly~ superb proposal was one of the contributory factors! We can officially start working on it tomorrow!
Gavin: Will you be busy from tomorrow onwards then?
Gavin: If you need to work overtime during this period
Gavin: Remember to call me.
-
2. Mood: Upset
MC: Is the work produced for the other party really okay... Even if it gets approved, there still seems to be something missing
Gavin: The MC I know is a persistent and confident girl
Gavin: No one can deny your accomplishments.
-
3. Mood: Angry
MC: When will the program finally get approved! There are seventeen versions stuffed in my file!!!
Gavin: A senior from the Task Force once told me a technique to examining clues
Gavin: List down the mistakes made in the previous seventeen versions
Gavin: And you’ll have new inspiration.
💙
[ LIFE - Topic 1: Losing Weight ]
1. Mood: Happy
MC: Did you notice anything different about me today? I’ll give you three seconds to think about it! Forget it, I think you might not have been able to see it...
Gavin: Cough, I could tell. You’ve lost weight.
Gavin: But it wasn’t because of what I saw. I used another method to determine it.
-
2. Mood: Upset
MC: Should I reach a compromise with my weight? I’ve been losing weight then gaining weight - it feels like a waste of time.
Gavin: There’s no need to lose weight
Gavin: No matter what, you’ll always be the best-looking in my eyes
Gavin: ...mm, but exercise is still needed.
-
3. Mood: Angry
MC: I shouldn’t have gone for the dinner party yesterday! When I weighed myself today, I really became heavier by 1kg!
Gavin: It shows that you’ve gained 1kg of happiness yesterday
Gavin: Let it get absorbed into your body.
-
[ LIFE - Topic 2: Meals ]
1. Mood: Happy
MC: I accidentally bought too much... I don’t think I need so many vegetables since I’m cooking for myself...
Gavin: In that case, could you leave me a share?
Gavin: I’ll pay for the food expenses
Gavin: Mm, and I’ll also be responsible for washing the dishes and being an assistant.
-
2. Mood: Upset
MC: I bought the snack which is especially popular on the internet. But when I ate it, I didn’t think it was great. Has my taste become disconnected with the masses?
Gavin: Taste is something personal
Gavin: Want to head out together today?
Gavin: We’ll find snacks that you and I both find delicious
-
3. Mood: Angry
MC: I made an absolutely perfect bento for lunch at work, but my hand slipped when taking it out of the microwave and it all fell out!
Gavin: Did you scald your hand?
Gavin: Let’s have dinner together.
Gavin: To make up for the regret of not being able to eat your absolutely perfect bento.
-
[ LIFE - Topic 3: Reading ]
1. Mood: Happy
MC: The science fiction book I read today is really interesting! It’s also especially rich in imagination. I think you’ll like the style as well!
Gavin: All right.
Gavin: But I’ve been busy with missions these days, so I might not have time to read
Gavin: I’ve noted down the name of the book. I’ll tell you my thoughts after reading it.
-
2. Mood: Upset
MC: I was looking for spiritual comfort when I came across a book on philosophy. In the end, I think I’ve become even more perplexed by the world... Have you felt this way too?
Gavin: Mm, there are times I’m perplexed by the world too
Gavin: But once I think about you, I’ll feel calmer.
-
3. Mood: Angry
MC: Today, I borrowed a murder mystery novel from the library. Some unreasonable reader wrote the name of the murderer directly on the first page!!
Gavin: ...
Gavin: That’s really going overboard.
Gavin: Try treating it as backwards reasoning, and observe the process.
-
[ LIFE - Topic 4: Games]
1. Mood: Happy
MC: I’ve finally defeated that difficult boss! I was even thinking that if I failed again, I’d refer to the guide. I didn’t expect to beat it!
Gavin: That level is really difficult
Gavin: I only managed to defeat it after reading the guide
Gavin: You’re very strong - a first-rate gamer.
-
2. Mood: Upset
MC: I think I’ve outgrown the age of game addiction. I just feel like leaving once I go online. I can’t find anything interesting...
Gavin: Maybe you just temporarily lack motivation towards this game
Gavin: Want to try a new game?
Gavin: Minor recommended a multi-player game involving solving riddles
Gavin: I think you should like it.
-
3. Mood: Angry
MC: I met a cheater in the game again! People who ruin the experience of the game are so annoying! It makes me feel like giving up on the game...
Gavin: Report him.
Gavin: People who contravene the rules are being played by the game
Gavin: And not playing the game.
💙
[ SCHOOL - Topic 1: Progress ]
1. Mood: Happy
MC: The method you taught me is really effective! Today, I finally overcame the temptation to slack off, and successfully completed my task!
Gavin: There are many methods
Gavin: You don’t necessarily have to use the one I taught you
Gavin: But if you can get used to it, it shows that you have a lot of potential.
-
2. Mood: Upset
MC: I’d rather doodle on paper or stare into space than look at the textbook... I’m a girl who’s tired of studying T-T
Gavin: It’s already late - don’t force yourself to read the textbook
Gavin: The girl who’s tired of studying should become a girl who sleeps early
Gavin: That way, she can become a diligent girl tomorrow.
-
3. Mood: Angry
MC: There are only ten more days till the end of the course, and my learning progress has just begun...
Gavin: There are still ten days
Gavin: Which means there are 240 hours, 14400 minutes
Gavin: If you look at it this way, there’s still time.
-
[ SCHOOL - Topic 2: Homework ]
1. Mood: Happy
MC: The teacher actually complimented me today. Even though all she said was that my work is neat... I’m still very happy!
Gavin: Even back then, your handwriting was always delicate and neat
Gavin: Just like you as a person.
-
2. Mood: Upset
MC: I can’t help but find excuses to slack off whenever I scan through the questions. I just scanned through five minutes worth of video clips...
Gavin: And now you’ve slacked off by sending me 25 words.
Gavin: Be a little more focused.
-
3. Mood: Angry
MC: Even though there isn’t much homework in each course, when you put them together, it’s basically WAY. TOO. MUCH.
Gavin: When I was in school, I also felt that there was a lot of homework
Gavin: So I would prioritise the easier questions first...
Gavin: It isn’t a special method, but you can try it.
-
[ SCHOOL - Topic 3: Pre-exam Revision ]
1. Mood: Happy
MC: Today, I memorised all the examinable points. Tomorrow, I’ll be entering the battlefield. Everything has been prepared - all I’m missing is a little bit of courage from you!
Gavin: All right, give me your hand.
Gavin: I have a lot of courage,
Gavin: And I can give it all to you, the one stepping into the battlefield tomorrow.
-
2. Mood: Upset
MC: Although I’ve looked through all the examinable points, I still feel unsure and uneasy...
Gavin: Don’t be anxious. Since you’re done with revision, rest early
Gavin: Tomorrow, I’ll send you to the examination venue.
-
3. Mood: Angry
MC: It’s too difficult, it’s way too difficult. I really shouldn’t have registered for this class. I still can’t memorise anything when it’s almost the exam...
Gavin: I’ll bring you out for a ride in a while
Gavin: You can share all your grievances and stress with the wind.
-
[ SCHOOL - Topic 4: Post-exam celebration]
1. Mood: Happy
MC: My exam is over! I’ve been freed! And my results were much better than expected!
Gavin: You know your results immediately?
Gavin: Congratulations
Gavin: I’m outside the exam venue. Sparky and I are waiting for you.
-
2. Mood: Upset
MC: A weight has been lifted off my shoulders since the exam is over. Even though I planned so many celebratory activities, I don’t feel like doing them now...
Gavin: If you don’t have any ideas
Gavin: Leave the planning to me.
Gavin: Wait for me at the entrance of the examination venue. I’ll be there soon.
-
3. Mood: Angry
MC: I’m so angry! I shouldn’t have compared answers with other people! I feel unwell after doing that...
Gavin: Did you get many answers wrong?
Gavin: Since the examination is already over
Gavin: You could alleviate your anger and hunger with me.
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ℂ𝕠𝕝𝕠𝕣𝕤 → 𝕐𝔾 𝕩 ℝ𝕖𝕒𝕕𝕖𝕣 𝕩 𝕁𝕂 | 𝕄.
→ ❝ With your final semester left of university you expected to go through it easily however an issue with your credits leads you to take Professor Min’s Painting 101 course.❞
☾ Pairing: Professor!Yoongi Painter!Yoongi x Student!Reader x Student!Jungkook (this was suppose to be a yoongi x reader but somehow my mind wandered and jungkook came in lmao it be like that sometimes)
☾ Type: Poly!Relationship (literally you won’t see it until like the ending but oops)
☾ Genre: Smut ☆ Angst ☆ Fluff
☾ Word Count: 7.3k
↠ Warnings: there is an age gap between all characters involved, if you are not comfortable with that please refrain from reading. Dom!Yoongi, Dom!Jungkook, Big Cock!Yoongi, Big Cock!Jungkook, Sub!Reader, fingering, Public Sex in classroom, Body Worship (mainly JK), cockwarming (sort of not really but like for a few mins) unprotected sex (jeez many times someone wrap their doodles please)
✉ Song Recommendations: (I love kdrama osts don’t hate me, also these are all spotify links so use youtube if you don’t have it) (Legit none of these fit the tone of the fic I just luv to recommend sht hehe)
♡ Weki Meki- Love Diamond
♡ Jus2- Take
♡ Junggigo- Too Good
♡ Punch, Glabingo- Beautiful Beautiful (watch hit the top it’s a beautiful kdrama hehe)
✉ Note: Anyways this is my first fic to be uploaded on tumblr! I spent a long time revising & working on this legit I have been staring at my computer for way too long and my eyes hurt because I wanted to get this out. It’s currently 4am as I upload this so if there are errors in the text I apologize in advance. (a girl is tired) Please don’t steal! This fanfic was inspired by the constant Youtube painting lives Yoongi has had. In the midst of writing I added Jungkook because he added more into the story. I was thinking of making this into a Occupation!BTS collection where I can make one for each member with different story lines. Let me know if you want me to do so in the comments below! (okay im talking to much bye)
“Y/N it seems like you still need 4 more credits added to your schedule to be eligible to graduate this semester.” your advisor told you. You honestly didn’t know you still needed more credits to graduate, you never cared to look. So when it came to registering, you signed up for the courses you needed as part of your International Studies degree.
“What courses are still available for registration?” you asked even though you knew the number of courses to be left must be very few. “Well there is one course open, it’s Professor Min’s Painting 101. He’s a new professor here so it makes sense as to why not many students signed up with him yet. Even though this course isn’t a requirement for your major, it will definitely cover up for the credits you need Y/N so I suggest you sign up for this. His course runs every Friday at 1 pm-3 pm” your advisor said as she handed you a summary of Professor Min’s course.
You looked over the summary of the course to know what you’re getting yourself into. It was a 101 class so of course, you will be in a class full of freshmen. That wasn’t too exciting however you didn’t mind painting, you are actually quite great at it as a hobby. With one last look at the sheet, you turn to your advisor “Okay I’ll take the course”.
It was finally Friday and today includes your very first class with Professor Min. Unfortunately, you couldn’t go on Rate My Professor to see what kind of teacher was he since he’s new. ‘I swear if he’s an asshole, I’m gonna give him a fucking one’ you thought to yourself.
You were standing right in front of his classroom, sighing you stepped in to see a couple of students already seated. You tried looking for a seat next to an empty one only to see none, so you had to sit next to someone. Looking around the classroom to observe the students there, you saw a boy with long hair covering his eyes. ‘He looks like someone who won’t speak to me that’s perfect’ you thought as you made your way over and sat next to the boy.
The boy looked up, staring at you for a bit before speaking “Hello! My name is Jungkook” he said smiling. ‘Oh for fuck’s sake, I forgot how friendly these freshmen are on the first day because they have no friends’ you thought. “Uh, h-hi my name is Y/N” you waved slightly at him.
“Are you majoring in arts too?” he asked, his eyes were wide in a cute way. “No, actually I’m an International Studies major. I’m only taking this course for extra credits to graduate” you smiled at him. “Oh...so you must be older than me” he chuckled. You had, to be honest, his laugh was pretty cute. “Yeah I’m 22 however I’d like to think I was younger” you laughed and Jungkook laughed with you. You and Jungkook continued to talk until class began.
Suddenly the door opened and revealed a man who looked young with long brown and blonde hair. ‘Fuck he’s hot’ you thought as your gaze focused on him walking in. Jungkook leaned in and whispered in your ear “He’s quite the eye candy right” and you nodded. What else were you supposed to say of course you didn’t expect your painting professor to be a man who looked like he was in his mid 20’s.
Professor Min’s eyes scanned the classroom before stopping on you for a bit. You could feel your face reddening as you felt his gaze on you. ‘Fuck stop thinking like this Y/N’. As you looked up at Professor Min he broke the stare and sat at his desk. “Okay, my name is Professor Min and welcome to my Painting 101 class, this course will include beginner level painting. You will learn the steps to becoming a better painter. I expect each and every one of you to come out of this class with at least more confidence in the arts.” he said as he looked over the class.
Professor Min then took out his clipboard with the attendance sheet. He checked off each student one by one before hovering over your name tilting his head before looking up at you “Miss Y/N?” You immediately looked up at him “Yes?”. “It says here you’re a senior majoring in International Studies, is there a reason why you’re taking my course?” he asked still having his gaze on you.
“Ah um well I needed an extra course to get enough credits to graduate this semester and your course was the only option. However, I really like to paint as a hobby so I thought this class would be easy to take!” You answered trying to sound like you’re happy with taking the class. Professor Min nodded to your response “I see well welcome to the class as well” he smiled before standing up.
“So for today’s class, we’ll start easy. Each of you will be doing individual work today by making a simple painting of your choice. I decided to make this a first-day activity because I want to see where you are in terms of levels of performance with painting however expect me to make some comments as this is a college course not a high school course. This will be due in class today. I expect each of you to explain your paintings and why you made them the way they are. You have 2 hours, so please get to your stations, the materials needed are on the carts in the corner.” Professor Min stated as he went back to his desk and started to go over some paperwork while we all began to work.
The two hours of painting were almost up and to be honest you were very satisfied with your painting. You painted two pink roses tied together that were falling from the sky. ‘Professor Min is going to love this’ you smiled at the thought. Jungkook looked over your shoulder to see what you painted and laughed a bit. “That’s definitely very simple but it’s cute Y/N,” he laughed giving you a light pat on the back. You turned to see what Jungkook painted to see that he made a fucking portrait of himself A PORTRAIT! “What the fuck Jungkook how did you get that done within just 2 hours?” you ask as now you felt not so confident in your painting anymore. “Well, I am a visual arts major what did you expect” Jungkook laughed as you rolled your eyes.
“Okay the 2 hours are up, I will start walking around the class to individually speak about your paintings. Once I grade them you can leave the classroom. I will post your homework for the week on canvas so make sure to check!” Professor Min said as he started to walk around the classroom to grade students.
Soon enough he reached Jungkook and he had no problem explaining his portrait of himself. “I really love the details of your painting Jungkook, I can see you will probably be one of the more advanced skilled students in our class, your grade for this assignment is an A” Professor Min smiled as he then turned to your painting. Jungkook had packed up his things and waved at you before leaving the classroom.
It was just you and Professor Min in the classroom so the amount of nervousness you felt was really high. “Alright Y/N explain your painting to me” he asked as he looked directly at you. “Well, as you can see I painted two pink roses tied together that are also in the midst of falling from the sky. I actually didn’t know what to paint at the beginning if I had to be honest but I just let my head flow with whatever came to my mind first which was roses. Roses signify love, I’ve actually never felt that before but pink roses comfort me a lot which is why I painted them falling from the sky. The roses are not within the grass they are falling because they haven’t gotten to me even though I think about them a lot.” You were satisfied with your answer as you smiled at Professor Min.
He nodded and looked at your painting again. “I like the story behind this painting Y/N however I feel like you can add more detail in your painting. Maybe add something else to pair with the flowers or add some scenery behind it so it doesn’t look like a plain sky. I see lots of paintings like this Y/N and it’s too simple for the meaning behind it when other paintings look exactly like this. Try and add more of your other feelings to this. I will give you a C for this however if you take it home and re-do it, I can consider regrading your work” Professor Min said as he wrote down your grade on his clipboard and smiled “I’ll see you next Friday Miss Y/N” he said as he walked back to his desk.
You just stood there trying to process what the fuck he just told you. It needed more detail, more work? You were sure you added everything you needed that was in your head. ‘I can’t believe this, Jungkook painted himself and got an A, what did I do wrong?’ you thought. “Miss Y/N are you alright?” Professor Min spoke up as he saw you still standing at your station. You snapped out of it and nodded over at him “Y-yeah I was just thinking of something else sorry, have a nice day!” you said as you grabbed your bag and your painting before rushing out the classroom. ‘I hope you choke on your fucking coffee Professor Min’ you thought as soon as you exited.
It was Friday again and throughout the week you worked on revising your painting as well as become close friends with Jungkook. “Did you get your painting done Y/N?” Jungkook asked as you sat down next to him. “Yeah, I was able to finish it hopefully he’s happy with this one even though I don’t understand what I did wrong in the first place,” you said sighing while taking your painting out and setting it next to your desk. “I thought it was fine even though it was simple, I think he’s just messing with you” Jungkook laughed. “If he’s messing with me I will chop his dick off for real,” you said frustrated.“ “I see I hope you don’t plan on doing that to me too” Jungkook laughed again. “As long as you don’t piss me off too much Kook then you’ll be fine” you smiled.
In the midst of talking, Professor Min walked in “Good Afternoon class, I hope you all have your homework ready to hand in. It will be the first thing we talk about in class today”. He said as he walked up to the chalkboard to write the word ‘blue’ on it. Shit shit shit, you forgot to do your homework because you were so focused on trying to redo your painting. Seeing you in distress, Jungkook handed you a sheet of paper and winked at you. You saw a post-it note on it and it said ‘I know you were trying to get your painting done all week so I did your homework for you!’. You smiled at the note before turning to Jungkook to give him a finger heart.
“So today before we start class we will go over the homework. Before I do that please pass them up so I know none of you are going to try adding in answers.” Professor Min said as we all started to hand our homework up. “This week’s homework was to give off your own meaning of the color blue, what does it mean to you and why did you think of that when you see or think of the color blue? Compared to many other colors, blue seems to be misinterpreted the most so I wanted to see what you all thought about it before we go more into observing colors” Professor Min said as he looked over the class before his eyes landed on you. “Miss Y/N what does the color blue mean to you,” he asked.
Trying to remember what you saw in your homework that Jungkook did you tried to answer. “When I see the color blue I think about the feeling of loneliness, it’s a color that for some reason emits sadness. Whenever I am alone and have no one, the color that first comes into mind to describe my feeling is blue,” you said as you exhaled feeling like you were holding your breath because you could still feel Professor Min’s intense gaze on you. He stared at you before responding “That’s an answer I expected, I am sure many of us had similar answers. The color blue definitely has a sort of tie to sadness however blue can have other meanings too, for example, it can symbolize healing.” Professor Min said.
“Since we have about an hour left, I’d like for you all to go to your stations, and paint a fruit that represents you, the fruit must contain one of the colors we talked about today. Expect that all your paintings in class to represent yourself, because painting expresses the feeling of the artist themselves.” Professor Min said as he smiled.
“This is going to be a piece of cake,” Jungkook said as he turned to his canvas. “Do you think he’s going to correct me on this painting too?” you asked Jungkook while getting your palette out. He shook his head “Nah, come on Y/N this is fucking fruit we’re talking about there’s no way he won’t give you an A”. You honestly hope Jungkook was speaking the truth.
The class was almost over and the fruit you ended up painting was strawberries. You thought it came out pretty cute. As you turned to Jungkook’s painting you tilted your head “Weren’t we supposed to paint only one fruit, why did you paint a whole fruits basket?” you asked. Jungkook shrugged “I didn’t know what fruit to paint, I feel like I am someone with many traits that can’t be linked to just one fruit, so hopefully Professor Min likes it.” he said.
Professor Min started to walk around the classroom in order so that meant you would be last in the classroom again. He reached Jungkook “Wow Jungkook it seems as you thought outside of the box, tell me what your painting means,” Professor Min said happily. Jungkook chuckled before responding “Well I feel like my life can’t be represented through one fruit, I like to think highly of myself so painting every fruit I could think of expresses that I am happy and that having all these traits is not a problem as long as I feel content with it” Jungkook explained.
Professor Min nodded “You impressed me yet again Jungkook, that’s an A” he smiled as he moved onto your station. Jungkook gave you a huge smile and a thumbs up before leaving the classroom. “Before you show me your fruit painting I want to see your revised painting of your roses Y/N,” Professor Min said. You handed him the painting of your roses. “I added a scenery behind the roses, as you can see I added an ocean behind them. You don’t see flowers growing near the ocean, I put them there because reaching the feeling of love is rare for me and it usually wouldn’t go too far so the roses would die even if they land in the sand or water.” You spoke hoping Professor Min can give you an A.
Professor Min sighed “I think you’re thinking to deep into your feelings Y/N, the painting is beautiful actually however I’m sure love will be successful to you one day. I will up your grade for this painting to an A” he said as he moved onto your fruit painting. “Thank you! For my fruit painting, I decided to paint strawberries, they represent happiness because whenever I go eat them I’m always reminded of the pretty things in life.” You stated happily. “I think that’s a nice way to go about it Y/N however I think your strawberries need a little more detailing maybe add a prop like how jungkook added his fruits into a basket. I’ll give this a C, feel free to re-do it, and turn it in next Friday.” Professor Min said as he turned away without letting you speak.
What the fuck a C again? You didn’t understand but you didn’t care. If Professor Min wanted you to fix it then you will because you simply just wanted to graduate.
As each week passed by you became more and more frustrated. No matter what you did with all your paintings Professor Min always gives you a C just to regrade to an A once you redid them. “I’m literally going to fucking kill him if he gives me a C one more damn time” you rolled your eyes as you started to eat your pizza.
“I think he’s hitting on you Y/N” Jungkook simply said as he sipped his banana milk. With that, you started to choke on your food “W-what?” you were sure that was not it, definitely, Professor Min hates you. “I don’t know it’s just weird that he keeps doing that and that he leaves you for last when it comes to grading. Plus you’re a senior right? Professor Min is only 27 there’s not too big of an age gap between the two of you.” he shrugged as he bit his pizza. “There’s no way in fucking hell he’s hitting on me, plus isn’t that illegal for a professor to do that?!” you questioned
“Not really as long as you both give consent to each other and keep it low it’s fine, plus you’re graduating so I don’t think he sees an issue.” Jungkook said as you hit him in the head with your phone “Well I promise you that’s not it, let’s not talk about this anymore kook” Jungkook grabbed his head chuckling while you just wanted to shut the conversation off because you honestly didn’t know how to feel if Professor Min actually liked you.
“Alright, so I will be walking around the classroom to look at the different birds each of you painted. This is the last assignment before I give you your final project next week, so I hope many of you improved with this assignment if it’s not good you may have trouble with the final as I will not be offering any regrading on it.” Professor Min firmly stated.
Time passed as he went to each student before reaching Jungkook. “What do we have here Jungkook?” Professor Min asked. “I painted a bluebird Professor Min, I thought it was perfect to paint as it symbolizes the arrival of spring but with the semester ending, I feel like I have put my all into all my works so the bluebird also symbolizes hard work!” Jungkook smiled while answering. “Nicely done Jungkook, you never fail to amaze me with your work. Your grade for this assignment is an A. I actually want to speak with you in my office tomorrow, even though you’re a freshman I feel like I wouldn’t mind having you as a mentor in my courses for next term.” Professor Min said as he smiled widely at Jungkook. ‘Thank you so much, I would love to help mentor students!” Jungkook smiled even his eyes fucking smiled.
Professor Min walked over to you pulling out your grading sheet. Jungkook packed all of his things happily as he made a big heart with his hands before leaving the classroom. He has a habit of cheering you on with a cute gesture before Professor Min grades you.
“Seems like you have a similar color palette as Jungkook, what bird did you paint,” he asked looking at you. “I painted a Blue Jay Professor Min they have a meaning of being fearless. The reason why I painted it wasn’t because of the meaning but because of the color blue. I was reminded back to the popular meaning of the color blue, sadness. Even though the Blue Jay is fearless it makes me think if it sometimes feels lonely while pulling that Fearless front. I always try to stay strong for myself and pull through but there’s a point where I feel stuck but I don’t want to speak about it. We all experience fear in our lives whether that be alone or with someone else.” You exhaled as you said all of that. ‘Gosh talking for that long while having Professor Min’s stare is having too much of an effect on you’.
“Wow Y/N the meaning you put to your painting is amazing, I love the connection” he squinted at the painted before continuing. “I think you should add something into the painting that shows what the Blue Jay may have a fear of. Other than that your grade is a C. You can come into my office after Jungkook tomorrow if you want to speak more into redoing this pro-” you cut him off as at this point you already had enough.
“Why a C, I don’t understand Professor Min please make me understand why you give me a fucking C every single time just for you to give me an A after I fix minor mistakes! This isn’t right and I want a true explanation why,” you yelled as you tried to slow down with your breathing.
“Y/N please lower your tone when speaking to me” he calmly said. “No! Just tell me why! I fix everything for you just for you to do the same shit all over again” you said already feeling tears coming up “Just why, please” you begged
“Y/N….your paintings always came out beautiful even without the regrading. I was interested in you on the first day of class when I noticed you were a bit older than all the other students, you stood out to me because this also isn’t your major of focus. You stood out in so many ways and I guess I wanted to get close to you. However, as my status as a professor, I can’t just do it so easily so my way of doing it was trying to keep you in the classroom and in contact with me as long as possible. I wanted to see you more Y/N because I like you.” Professor Min said as he looked into your eyes trying to at least find something.
“P-professor Min…” you stuttered surprised by his confession. “Please call me Yoongi Y/N, class is over” he stated as he got closer to you. “I don’t know what to say...Yoongi” you said moving your gaze to the floor, you couldn’t believe he was doing all this because he liked you, Jungkook was right. Yoongi grabbed your chin lightly as he lifted it before he placed his lips on yours. You kissed back slowly as Yoongi placed his hand behind your head to deepen it.
You could feel yourself starting to get hot as things got intense with the kiss and somehow you’re at Yoongi’s desk sitting on his lap. “Fuck Y/N you’re so beautiful did you know that I’ve been thinking about you like this for a while now,” he said in between the kiss as he could feel you trying to rut on his bulge. He chuckled “I bet your so wet right now Y/N look at you rutting against my cock that’s not even out for you yet.” You whined as you just wanted some pleasure, it’s been a while since you hooked up with anyone. “Yoongi please I just want your cock,” you said trying to rub your clothed core on his lap for stimulation. “Yeah? Want my cock right here huh when anyone can walk in and see my cock stuffed in your pussy?” Yoongi kissed your neck as you moaned. His words were so dirty which turned you on even more. “Yes yes Y-yoongi I need it!” you cried out.
“I need your pants off Y/N,” he said as he helped you take off your pants leaving you in just your underwear. You couldn’t believe you were doing this in a classroom with your own Professor. You helped Yoongi take his pants off and then you were left staring at his boxers. “Y/N take my cock out and suck” he demanded as he stared at you. You could tell he was already eye-fucking you. You put your hand into the opening of his boxers and pulled out his cock.
Fuck. He. Was. Huge
You didn’t waste time given the circumstances you’re in, you started to suck his cock. You couldn’t fit all of him it was too much however Yoongi grabbed the back of your head forcing his cock to go all the way in your mouth making you tear up. “Fuck Y/N that’s it take this cock, I think I’ll come soon” Yoongi growled as he guided your head down his cock. While you were sucking, Yoongi took out his phone to capture the sight of you. He never painted nude paintings because he wanted to wait for someone he loved to do so. Just by looking at you, he wanted to make you into art for only him to see.
You could feel Yoongi’s grip on your head tighten signaling that he was close to cumming. “Y/N where do you want me to cum sweetheart,” he asked looking down at you his hair sticking to his skin. You pointed to your mouth as you couldn’t form words obviously. “Your mouth is so good for me Y/N taking this cock so well” he grunted before he shot his cum into your mouth slowing down the pace of his hand on your head.
You swallowed every drop before lifting yourself onto his lap and leaning in to kiss him again. “Y/N I want my cock inside you,” he said as he grabbed your ass and positioned you over the tip of his cock before slamming inside you. “Yoongi! Fuck ugh!” you moaned out loud before Yoongi placed his hand on your mouth. “Baby you have to be quiet unless you want to let the whole school know your mine” he whispered in your ear. You moaned loudly into his hands, you couldn’t help it because Yoongi didn’t even let you adjust to his cock.
“Your pussy is so tight Y/N I might cum sooner then I thought” he moaned as he flips you over. Your face was now against his desk as Yoongi was fucking you from behind. “C-cum inside me Y-yoongi!” you cried out without thinking. Yoongi started to thrust harder and deeper “Shit okay Y/N, Do you like that? Having your professors cock inside your sweet little pussy to make you nice and full?” he growled as he started to slam his cock in and out your pussy. “Yes yes yes! I like that Y-yoongi! I-I’m going to cum fuck!” You suddenly saw white spots as your orgasm hit, you could feel Yoongi’s pace fastening as he started to spurt his cum into you.
Oh, fuck what have I done.
Yoongi pulled out slowly catching his breath before putting on his pants. “Y/N? Are you okay sweetheart?” he asked as he grabbed some tissues to clean you up. Without taking a glance at him you started to quickly put on your clothes. “Y/N?” he called out worried that you weren’t responding. “We can’t do this Yo- Professor Min it’s inappropriate and was a mistake I need to go,” you said as you teared up. You quickly grabbed your things ignoring Professor Min’s calling out.
You dialed Jungkook’s number hoping he would pick up. “Hey Y/N finished with talking with Professor Min?” he answered as you sniffled. “Y/N? Are you okay? Do you need me to take you back to your dorm?” he asked. “Please hurry Kook, I c-can’t do this” you pleaded. Jungkook comforted you through the phone as he went over to pick you up.
“So you had sex with Professor Min?” Jungkook blinked repeatedly as he was trying to take in the whole story. You nodded wiping your tears “It was wrong but it felt so good and it’s bothering me kook, I don’t know what to tell him.” Jungkook handed you a tissue “Y/N there’s obviously feelings between the both of you the only thing stopping you are each other statuses. The fact that Yoongi didn’t kick you out of the classroom and offered to clean you shows that he isn’t one of those people. I’m sure he’s hurt too Y/N. The best advice I can give is for both of you to give each other space until you’re ready to confirm your feelings back. If you realize the relationship is no good then let him know.” he stated as he gave you a hug. “Thank you, Kook. I’m surprised you don’t have a girlfriend when you’re so nice” you tried to smile as you were in Jungkook’s arm.
“I do have a crush on someone but I don’t think she likes me back” he sighed. “At least try but don’t fuck up like me” you chuckled. Jungkook nodded the problem was that you didn’t know that you were his crush. Jungkook was in love with you but he knew that it was never going to happen.
It was suddenly Friday again which means you had to see Yoongi. You were nervous you had no contact with him since you two had sex. You walked into the classroom seeing Jungkook give you a warm smile. Jungkook pointed in front of you so you looked over just to see Professor Min was early however he looked less like his happy self.
“Alright, so today’s class will be short because I will assign you all your final projects. For this project, you must make a collage of a color with multiple shades that speak words. You have 2 weeks to complete this project class dismissed.” Professor Min said as he gathered his things and left the classroom.
“Woah that was quick, Professor Min always uses his full class time no matter what,” Jungkook said as he sighed. “I think it’s because of me Kook, fuck what have I done. I really fucked everything up I’m sure instead of a C he’s going to give me an F.” You felt like crying, to be honest. “Hey, it’s okay. Want to come over my place to destress? We can watch Disney movies?” Jungkook smiled as he wanted to make you happy. You nodded “That would be great Kook” you smiled.
You and Jungkook were currently on the 5th Disney movie for the night. “Why can’t my love life be like a Disney movie, I feel like my story with Yoongi is like one of those tragedies before they get remade into a Disney Movie” you sighed reaching for some strawberries. Jungkook’s grip tightened on his cup of juice, he hated how you only spoke about Yoongi since the incident occurred. “Y/N if you keep thinking about Professor Min you’ll only stress yourself out more, give it a rest for just a bit, and maybe talk with him when finals are done?” he suggested.
“The problem is that he’s all I ever think about Jungkook, I really thought I could forget about him even while watching these movies but it’s worse now.” you sighed. Jungkook looked at you for a moment before suggesting something that made you confused. “Then let me help you forget,” he said as he looked into your eyes. “Jungkook?” you were confused by what he meant, as you laid your eyes on him his lips were against yours. Unlike the kiss with Yoongi, you weren’t responding back. “Please Y/N…..just for today...let me do this,” he asked as his eyes looked into yours searching for permission to continue. Jungkook was younger than you by a few years but you trust him and know he means no harm and that he just wants to help. You nodded as you kissed Jungkook back.
In just about 5 minutes both yours and Jungkook’s clothes were discarded on the floor. “Fuck Y/N is this what you let Professor Min see? He doesn’t deserve to see your beautiful body.” Jungkook said as he placed his mouth over your nipple. You moaned out “J-Jungkook!” as Jungkook started to suck on your breasts “Did Professor Min worship your breasts like this? I bet he hasn’t huh” he chuckled as he gave you small bites over your chest. Your hands reached to Jungkooks bottom half as you tried to grab his cock. He wasn’t as big as Yoongi but definitely Jungkook’s cock was thicker making your pussy clench around nothing. “Eager aren’t you Y/N? Just want my cock in your tight pussy right?” Jungkook smirked.
“Please Jungkook no teasing I just want you inside” you whined as you could already feel some of your arousal slipping out. Jungkook laid your body onto the couch. He left for a bit to grab something only to come back with a blindfold. “A b-blindfold?” you titled your head.
“I know you don’t love me Y/N, I’m only helping you take your mind off things so I thought having you wear the blindfold would help because I don’t want anything to change between us,” he said as he placed it over your eyes. “Thank you Kook, don’t worry I won’t forget about you and I feel bad for even letting this happen, I don’t want to lead you on,” you said sadly. “Y/N I wanted this too I promise you I’m okay with this,” he said softly.
Jungkook wasted no time as he hovered over you inching his cock slowly inside you. He groaned “Mm Y/N your so fucking wet just for me, look at how easily you’re taking this cock”. You moaned as you felt Jungkook stretching you out, you could only see darkness which caused you to clench on him. He hissed “Y/N please don’t clench like that baby I might cum within seconds.” he laughed. His laugh brought a smile to your face, you definitely felt comfort in Jungkook’s arm.
Jungkook spent his time thrusting into you repeatedly, you could feel yourself about to cum soon as your walls started to tighten around Jungkook’s cock. “K-kook I’m going to cum” you moaned as you gripped Jungkook’s back hard. “F-fuck okay I think I’m going to cum soon too Y/N, want me to cum inside you?” he asked heavily panting as he continued to thrust into you. “Yes come inside me I know you want to Kook” Jungkook’s heart felt like it was going to explode he was doing this for you but he smiled as you cared about his feelings too. You knew that the both of you probably won’t ever do this again which is why you agreed.
Jungkook changed positions as now you were sitting on his lap, He grabbed your waist making sure to help you with the pace. You wrapped your arms around him as you felt your orgasm hitting you “Jungkook ugh cum in me now” you whined as Jungkook thrust you through your orgasm and then cumming inside you.
You laid on top of Jungkook with his cock still inside you catching your breath. “You good Y/N? Let’s get you cleaned up, you can stay over if you want for the night I’ll sleep on the couch.” Jungkook offered as he slipped your blindfold off. You nodded already feeling sleepy “Thank you kook, and I’m so so sorry. I really hope one day a person who deserves you a lot will love you” you teared up saying it because you didn’t want to hurt him he’s your friend who loves you and you weren’t sure if you liked him back.
Jungkook smiled as he slipped out of you “Y/N it’s okay I’m just happy that I could take your mind off things for a bit, if it all goes wrong just know I’ll welcome you with open arms” he said as he helped clean you up before handing you some extra clothes to put on.
2 weeks passed like it was nothing and soon enough it was Friday the day finals were due. “What color did you base your collage painting on kook?” you asked him. “Oh I based it on the color purple, apparently it signifies having creativity and I definitely think I represent that” he laughed. “You really love yourself, huh, but that’s a good thing so I can’t really make fun of you for it” you chuckled.
“What about yours Y/N?” with his question you paused before speaking “Well um it’s based around the color pink. I can’t go much into detail but basically this is my confession painting to Professor Min” you said blushing a bit, nervous to speak to Professor Min after weeks have passed. “Ah is that why you didn’t attach an explanation note to your painting,” he asked and you nodded. “Good luck Y/N, I hope everything works out and let me know if you guys get some,” he said wiggling his brows. You laughed and playfully pushed him.
Professor Min walked in and stood in front of the class. “Alright everyone today is your last class with me today. Don’t worry we aren’t going to be doing anything today. All you have to do is bring your canvas up to the front of the room and make sure your explanation notes are attached to your paintings. I hope you all have a wonderful summer break” Professor Min smiled as students started to submit their paintings and then walk out the classroom.
Jungkook patted you lightly on the back and gave you a thumbs up before leaving the classroom. You smiled and started to pack up your things slowly as you waited for Professor Min to notice that you didn’t attach a note to your painting.
“Miss Y/N please come to my desk, the rest of you drop your paintings here and go” he stated.
Here we go, you exhaled before walking over to his desk. “Yes Professor Min?” you asked fully knowing what he was going to tell you. “I don’t see an explanation note attached to your painting,” he said as he looked up at you for the first time in weeks. “I didn’t write one,” you said plainly. “Well since you didn’t write one I am going to have to give you a-” before Professor Min could continue you cut him off “I love you Yoongi,” you said looking at him for a reaction.
“Y/N wha-” he said in a surprised tone. “My painting, it’s my response back to your confession Yoongi. I found love and it’s you” you told him as you started to blush. “Really?” he asked and you nodded.
“Fuck come here Y/N” Yoongi called and you obliged and sat on his lap to start kissing him. “Gosh so that means your mines now?” he asked as he started to undress you. “Y-yes I’m yours now Yoongi officially” you let Yoongi undress you as you stared at his eyes while he was doing so. Yoongi paused as he saw bite marks over your chest. “Y/N where did these marks come from” as you didn’t answer he inserted two fingers into your pussy thrusting them in. “Who did it Y/N tell me right now or I won’t give you my cock,” he said sternly as you cried out “Jungkook Jungkook did them!”
Yoongi chuckled “Where’s your phone Y/N” you pointed to your desk. Yoongi pulled out his fingers as he made his way over to your desk. “What’s the password,” he asked. “Bluemyg” he typed in the password as he started to look for Jungkook’s number in your contacts and pressed call when he found it. Jungkook immediately answered of course because it’s you.
“Did everything go well Y/N?” Jungkook asked. “Come to my class Jungkook right now,” Yoongi said as he hung up the phone turning it on silent. “Yoongi what are you doing?” you wanted to know why in the world did he call Jungkook over when you’re naked on his desk. Yoongi didn’t answer you back and slid his cock inside you “Fuck even after Jungkook fucked you he left you nice and tight for me” Yoongi chuckled.
Jungkook entered into the classroom to see Professor Min with his cock inside you. “H-huh,” Jungkook said as his eyes were blown wide. “Jungkook put your cock in her mouth,” Yoongi said not giving Jungkook an explanation. Jungkook just stood there trying to process what’s going on.
You moaned out “Jungkook just do it, it’s okay!”. With permission on your end, Jungkook unzips the front of his pants and pulls his cock out. He made his way over and placed his cock right above your mouth. “Y/N suck,” Yoongi demanded. You opened your mouth to take Jungkook in while looking up into his eyes.
“Isn’t she gorgeous Jungkook, taking two cocks at the same time with the door wide open for anyone to see,” Yoongi said as he continued to thrust into you. Jungkook nodded as he guided your head to suck his cock. You could barely think about anything when you had two cocks occupying your holes. You pulled away from Jungkook’s cock “I-I’m going to cum”. “Jungkook put your cock in her mouth again and cum when I say so okay?” Yoongi said as Jungkook agreed while thrusting his cock back into your mouth.
You started to clench harder around Yoongi’s cock as you whined while having Jungkook’s cock deep in your throat. “Cum” at that moment Jungkook and Yoongi started to pound into you and release their load. Your vision blacked out after your orgasm.
“Is she okay?” Jungkook asked as Yoongi closed the classroom door and pulled down the shades. “She’ll be fine, I think she was overwhelmed by taking the both of us,” Yoongi responded as he went over to you to start cleaning you up with wipes. “I’m not sure if Y/N will be okay with it, we’ll have to get her opinion on it, but I don’t mind having you in the relationship as well Jungkook I know you love her too,” Yoongi suggested. Jungkook’s eyes widened “R-really? Prof- Yoongi are you sure” Jungkook asked not expecting this. Yoongi nodded “I’m super sure” he smiled.
You opened your eyes to look to the right to see both Yoongi and Jungkook talking. “Did I pass out?” you asked making your presence known. Both of them looked at you and nodded. “Y/N how about adding Jungkook into our relationship?” Yoongi asked immediately. Your gaze turned to Jungkook expecting your answer “I-I don’t mind….I know you thought I didn’t love you Jungkook but after that night my feelings started to develop for you.” you smiled “I love you both” you said as you walked up to the both of them and kiss them both on the lips.
“Since we’re still sorta naked how about we make a body painting collage using all the colors we can” Jungkook suggested.
“I’m all in for it what about you Yoongi?” you asked looking at him. He laughed “Wow this is going to be a long day, let’s do it!”
✈ Um hi! I hope you enjoyed my very first fic on tumblr. Please leave me feedback down below whether it’s good or bad. I will start working on getting a masterlist post soon! Feel free to ask me questions or make comments on ‘Ask Starrymin’.
✈ I will try my best to get the Mother’s day Barista!Namjoon x Single Mother!Reader fic done this week. My plan was to get it done today however colors took me much longer than I thought. So please wait a little more until I upload it!
✈ Anyways I hope you all have a wonderful day! Please stay safe and healthy. Also I’d like to wish Happy mother’s day to all the moms out there and even mother like figures too!
→ Feel free to support me on Kofi
→ My BTS fic recs
#bts x reader#bts x reader angst#bts x reader fluff#bts x reader smut#Yoongi x reader#Yoongi x reader smut#Yoongi x reader fluff#Yoongi x reader angst#jungkook x reader#jungkook x reader angst#jungkook x reader smut#jungkook x reader fluff#poly bts#poly yoongi#poly jungkook#bts x reader poly#bts smut#bts fluff#bts angst#yoongi fluff#yoongi angst#yoongi smut#jungkook smut#jungkook angst#jungkook fluff#jungkook#yoongi#jeon jungkook#min yoongi#painter yoongi
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2021 in Words
2021 has been... trying in many ways. The body suffered, the mind suffered, and the writing also suffered. It hasn’t been as bad as I’m making it out in certain way but in other ways it was so much worse than I am actually admitting. There was that dark time when I was running so low on any kind of energy that the thought that I had so much left to do (mainly talking about writing) scared me to death (quite literally). That being the case, I decided to look at the good moments in 2021 when creativity was my salvation and recap some of the positivity because I can’t say that we had enough of that to spare this year.
Word Count:
255 508 words
That is actually more than I expected considering I didn’t write a single story in July. There were many ups and downs (mostly downs) this year and that turbulence interfered with my writing quite a bit but I am actually content with whatever I managed to get done. Sure, it’s not as much as last year but I think that is actually a good thing. Last year my style and concise way of expressing myself took a dive and I wrote many more words than my stories actually needed. My writing style was actually going under certain reconstruction for most of this year and especially the first half and I am now so much happier with it than I was when 2021 started so I count this as a big positive.
Fandoms:
Winx Club dominates this year almost exclusively. Especially now that I have started a rewrite of the show, I am in way too deep... and I love it! It’s been a wild ride where writing went hand in hand with frustration a lot of the time but it’s given me many stories that I look back on with fondness and I am grateful for that. Sure, I might remember the struggle with putting words on the page that was way too real this year but I also remember the smile on my face just today in the wee hours of the morning when I finished my last story for the year. It was impossible to contain and that is why writing continues to be an integral part of my life and so does this fandom.
I spiced things up with exactly 1 OUAT fic this year and I am happy that I did because that has been an idea that I’ve had for quite some time now and it deserved to see the light of day. I can’t say that I have any kind of interest in the show as of now but you never know. I might return to it one day and I am happy that I can still sit down and craft a story with the characters that made my life bearable for 3 of the worst years of my life.
Ships:
Now this is an interesting category since there was a wide variety of ships this year and even though a lot of them were only featured in one or two of my works, they sure made the year and my writing record richer. I have something to say for the most prominent ships of the year.
Griffin x Valtor - I was terrified at the beginning of the year that my love for this ship had died but it came back. It might have taken about 4 months but it rose from the ashes like a phoenix and I have actually revised some of my views of it which I’m happy with. I feel like I’ve learned how to stay truer to their characters when I portray them and that is important to me. I am waiting happily to write more for them!
Griffin x Faragonda - I can’t say that I have many memorable moments involving them from my writing this year but that’s mostly because the Winx rewrite is still mostly in the stage of planning. I expect that once I get to writing it more consistently, there will be a ton of feels for these two coming in and I can’t wait!
Griffin x Valtor x Faragonda - This was a big thing this year in ways most unexpected and I can’t say I regret even a second from the time I spent on this dynamic (in all of its iterations featured in my stories). I can’t say I’m 100% sure all of it is in character but I am having fun with it and you can pry that from my cold, dead hands.
Erendor x Samara - I developed this relationship way more in my head and then forgot how to write it. Idk what is going on but I hate the way anything about them comes out rn so that is still due to be revised.
Now I am just going to list all the ships I wrote for the first time this year:
Tecna x Timmy
Icy x Bloom
Musa x Riven
Layla x Musa
Darcy x Riven (sort of)
I don’t have anything to say for each ship separately but I found myself enjoying writing them way more than I thought I would and I was definitely super immersed in the relationships once I started to explore them. Can’t wait to do more of that in the Winx rewrite!
A special shoutout for Curious Archer from OUAT for being the one couple that brought back my love for the show. I just felt like I had to mention them.
And there is one new ship that is mostly lurking in the back of my mind rn but I suspect it will come out at some point and grab for its own fair share of my attention (and then I am going to lose my mind completely).
Stories:
At least that category is way easy to talk about this year.
Winx Club - 43 (+ the Winx rewrite which has been started but I haven’t posted anything from it yet & three fics I wrote but haven’t edited yet for different reasons each)
Once Upon a Time - 1
That’s a total of 44 published stories and I’d like to say that they are all finished but, of course, that isn’t true because I simply can’t write anything without getting 300 ideas about how to continue it. So now I have more work for next year (I have endless amounts of work).
First fic of the year - Ice Shards Don't Reflect Love (Griffin x Faragonda x Valtor smut (and I wonder why this has been A Thing this year)
Last fic of the year - Easier Than Breaking Glass (Sparks of Life!Griffin x Valtor which makes me hopeful I’ll get somewhere with that verse into 2022)
Favorite writing moment - Coming up with all of the crazy stuff for my Winx rewrite. It has been so exalting to reshape the story in my own way and I love it. I actually just managed to figure out the first 3 episodes of season 7 and the last three episodes of season 5 which is great but does not help me focus on getting through the actual writing of season 1.
Wildest writing experience - Besides the rewrite, Shapes of Desire was insanely entertaining to work and look back on. I am in love with this story and I will keep screaming about it forever. The premise is so insane but I love everything about it. It feels like one of my most alive and breathing stories and I am proud of it. It surely is a memory I will cherish into the future.
I was actually surprised when I looked at my list of series on AO3 the other day because 9/17 are actually finished and that is more than half of them. I couldn’t believe my eyes but this definitely boosted my motivation to complete all of them.
Other works:
I made so many videos this year! It might be because I was literally making one when 2021 hit but in any case, it was great and I hope to make more in the coming year. I certainly have ideas for about a dozen more videos so far and new inspirations lurks all around. You can check this year’s work here.
I also wrote many reviews about the movies and TV series I watched this year (many more than I normally do). You can find all of my thoughts on media here.
This certainly makes me way more optimistic now that we’re staring 2022 in the face. I sure have many ideas and I am determined to see most of them come to life so I hope my mental energy and stability will cooperate with my desire to create more stories and videos (and maybe aesthetics again since I haven’t made a single one of those in 2021).
#my wriitng#my fanfiction#my fanifc#about me#personal#2021#in retrospect#2021 in words#videos#reviews#thoughts#winx club#ships
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Boba/Din prompt for ao3?
New republic representative comes to tatooine to talk to Boba and Din, who had a bad day, walks in midway through the talk (wearing his 'princess' outfit) and crawls into Boba's lap so they're chest to chest and just relaxes against boba and falls asleep.
Din deserves a hug! Please give him one!
Oh my goodness!! Thank you! Have some more Princess Din <3 cw for par-for-the-course thoughts about Princess Din.
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Some days in court are better than others. It usually hinges on one thing: Princess. If Princess was happy, the king was happy. If Princess wasn’t there at all, you had Boba Fett’s full fucking attention, and the expressionless glint of that visor was as black as the history of the man behind it.
While most times, Princess would just sit at Boba’s feet and lay his veiled head against the king’s thigh, it wasn’t uncommon to see him walking around, swishing his hips this way and that. Everyone in the court was magnetically aware of Princess’ body, from the way the silk fell over his legs when he sat, to the gentle clink of the body jewelry as he shifted around.
Yet they were still unable to openly look their fill, lest their eyes be blasted out by Fennec Shand at Boba’s other shoulder. New Republic delegates hadn’t quite gotten the memo, with most of the returning delegates too flustered to even begin to talk about the things they’d seen.
One inexperienced delegate stood before the court, in Fett’s full attention. Things had been tense in court for awhile, the delegate only catching bits of gossip. There was something about a princess being absent from court for several weeks. Luckly, the beskar knight that the delegate had been warned of wasn’t there as well. Some of the bolder courtiers had muttered something about an affair happening between the knight and Fett’s princess.
It was a very strange court. But when in Tatooine, and all.
There was a sudden murmur of apprehension and excitement from the stairs, and the delegate was stunned into speechlessness as a tall whirlwind of silks and jewels strode through the room, right up to the throne, and plopped himself down in the king’s lap. Though some of the room seemed to sigh in relief at the presence of the king’s favorite plaything, the others were more worried at the gauze covering one of those smooth, perfect thighs.
“Er, your majesty—?”
“Continue,” Fett’s voice said, his hands curling gently under the thigh of the man and situating him so he was straddling his lap.
“Yes, quite. Well, er, the charter states…” The delegate tried his best to not concentrate on the obvious, and get the job done, which was more impressive than the other delegates who had expressed their confusion in the best cases, and in the worst, disapproval.
Princess curled into the king’s chest like he belonged there. One of Fett’s hands gently touched the gauze, pulling it back to look at the wound before settling the bandage back in place and covering it with a large, gloved hand. Princess scooted up a little more, burying his face in Fett’s neck like the helmet and armor weren’t even there. The delegate finished up his speech and held his datapad at his side, awaiting the king’s decision.
“Princess, what do you think?” Boba asked gently, one of his hands coming up inside the veil, probably to scratch at Princess’ hair. The delegate was astounded that Fett would let some harem member offer opinions in court, when the trade charter had many intricate details in its bylines that required—
“We won’t trade with you until you’ve freed Byss from the Imp slavers. You know our terms.”
Several members of the court grinned into their drinks. The delegate looked dumbfounded.
“I—planetary takeovers are not exactly in my wheelhouse, I’m here to negotiate for—”
“You’re a New Republic officer trying to make peace with a monarch. You didn’t expect us to have no demands in response to yours, did you?”
“Down, princess,” Boba chuckled into his princess’ hair. “I think he understands. Doesn’t he?”
“Y-yes, your majesty.”
“Good. You’re dismissed. I’m done with court today. Send the revised treaty and we might sign.” The court cleared out fast, everyone either slinking into the unseen exits in the shadows or up the stairs. The delegate was swept away in the chaos.
A slave-whore negotiating to free a planet of slaves. Leia isn’t going to believe me.
In the empty throne room, Din slumped against Boba fully. “Missed your touch,” he mumbled.
“As did I.” Boba ran his hands up Din’s sides, reveling in the shudder it pulled from him. “What took so long?”
“The injury. Had to chase him on foot for hours. The grapple line on my bracer got jammed. Slowest footrace I’ve ever been in,” Din huffed.
“But you’re here now. And you didn’t use the cauterizer. I’m proud of you.”
“Don’t need to hurt to feel anymore. I have you.”
“You do.”
#princess din#my writing#star wars fanfiction#prompt fill#boba fett/din djarin#din djarin/boba fett#permanently-exhausted-witcher
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lots of meetings today! i failed to do most of my admin tasks because i had a couple unscheduled meetings pop up during the day, but that’s okay, i have no zoom meetings tomorrow so i can get stuff done then. i also worked my way through some minor revisions to the long fic. I really wanted to break 80k but told myself I could only do so if the additions were meaningful and not just padding, lol. but I did it! and i think i made small but meaningful improvements to a couple scenes that were pretty bare bones before.
I didn’t skate today (i’m going to go tomorrow morning) but I did walk for an hour and spent the walk thinking a lot about my next long project. i've got an idea that i’m really intrigued by, and i think the concept will let me do my favorite thing as a writer, which is to take a really implausible, really tropey trope and turn it into a thing that lets me closely examine a very real, very human thing that i’m interested in. unfortunately this makes it absolutely impossible to explain the projects i’m working on to anyone outside of fandom lol because the tropes are so tropey, and it’s hard to be like ‘ok YES i am writing about X, but really it is a way of writing about Y.’
anyway i was thinking on my walk about how this is basically what i wrote like 3/5ths of my doctoral diss about lol. like, queer women writers who were doing weird fascinating and sometimes quite dark stuff with the romance genre -- basically using its tropes and structures and conventions to write novels that, if you just read the plot description, you’d be like ‘oh that’s the tropiest and most formulaic of romance novels,’ but then when you actually read the thing you are like whoa whoa wait what this is not a novel about Luuurve it is a novel about the messy painful emotional complexities of being a person inhabiting a body in the world. this is not to dis your more straightforward takes on the romance genre btw! those books are wonderful too, just not necessarily an interpretation of the genre’s conventions that i am personally interested in studying or writing about or trying to write myself. I also think that is why I prefer fic to the published romance I’ve read... fic is just weirder, in ways that I really like.
maybe i will say more about the project later, as i can feel myself kind of entering that honeymoon stage with it where it’s all you want to think about. but for now it is bedtime! goodnight all :)
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Effective Revision Methods - Learn Smarter NOT Harder
Hi everyone!
I hope you are all well! Lets jump straight into it!
Revision. The daunting task for every student, with the hardest thing being where to start. So, today I’ve decided to share with you my process, things that have worked for me, things that haven’t, and where to start.
What type of learner are you?
This is such an important question because you need to cater YOUR revision to YOU. This being visual, auditory or kinesthetic/tactile learning. If you aren’t sure just google ‘what type of learner am I quiz’ you can find hundreds of quizzes to find out. Or usually, you can deduce it from your current revision methods or the methods you know you defiantly hate. But remember you can be a mix, e.g. I’m both a visual and kinesthetic learner. Auditory learning is not my jam – seriously I hate it… haha.
Once you know this you can make your learning EFFECTIVE, use your EVERY ADVANTAGE to learn content. No point listening to your notes if you are visual learner right? Catering to your style means that content which took you 1 hour to learn before could actually be learnt in 30 mins. Who doesn’t want SHORTER REVISION TIME but with the SAME quantity of information absorbed?
Ineffective revision methods:
1. STOP READING THE TEXTBOOK. – I’ve said it, your teachers said it, EVERYONE has properly said it. So STOP! This passive revision method well sucks. If you do not attempt to recall information from your brain you are not making ‘connections’ between neurones (cells) within your brain – or at least not at the rate you could be. More ‘connections’ = More information learnt (more or less).
2. Copying your notes – Not as horrendous as the devils spawn above, but still not ideal. You are not retrieving this information from your brain, and as mentioned above this is a really important factor.
EFFECTIVE revision methods:
This section is split into 2 parts depending on the type of assessment.
For multiple choice questions/ short answer questions:
1. Flashcards - Flashcards are my favourite.
Writing the cards allows you to consolidate your learning, find out what you don’t understand and what you do understand. I recommend Anki or Quizlet for my visual/kinesthetic learners and recording your cards on your phone for my auditory learners. You can’t write a card on something you don’t understand! Once you’ve consolidated into cards you can go straight to learning! Skipping the time consuming and ineffective ‘copying your notes’ stage. More Time spent Learning the cards, rather than copying notes = more knowledge obtained, and most likely better grades!
I know a lot of people are guilty of writing their notes out, then writing flashcards - me included. But this is essentially the same step. I’m not saying you wont absorb any knowledge from doing this, but you will learn more from practicing the flashcards... hence why you write them in the first place ;)
2. Practice papers/ Questions
Would you go into a driving test without ever driving a car before? No? Then, why are you doing this for exams? Practice papers don’t only allow you to test your knowledge but also practice your time-management during the exam. And if you are lucky sometimes questions can be repeated between each different exam years. FREE MARKS – HELL YES!
3. Focused group revision
I use the word ‘focused’ for a reason. Going to the library with your friends to ‘revise’ aka chat about last nights football game or the latest group gossip isn’t really going to help your grades – but you already know that. However, coming together, each with a set of questions, and asking each other about them will help. You will consolidate further the information you do know, and you will learn new information from your friends and vice versa. This method is great for kinesthetic and auditory learners.
For essay-based assessments:
1. Essay plan mind maps
Mind-maps. Mind-maps are a great way to plan potential essays for an exam, but you don’t want to be writing out full essays word for word. Hence why I recommend mind-maps. This style forces you to stay concise so you do not run out of room on the page. Try and keep 1 essay plan per page.
2. Recalling essay plans
Writing them is great, but no point writing them if you can’t remember them. So practice writing them out from memory and then fill in the gaps. Great for information learning but also great for structure learning too! This also helps you link ideas together, practicing what the you’ll be required to do in the exam. This is often a problem I find with using flashcards for essays, you are ‘triggered’ by the MCQ (multiple choice question), whereas in an essay exam you must create your own triggers to unlock the information you have learnt, from the previous sentence you have written
3. Essay plan lists:
For my friends who hate mind-maps. I use essay lists – picture below. Simply write those mind map branches in a chronological bullet-point list. I use different colours to separate the information. Try and keep all the information on one page!
4. Group Study:
This is the same as the group study above but this time discuss topics as a group, as though you were writing the essay aloud. Or work together to plan an essay together, using as much detail as possible. You will learn new phrasing and information from your peers. Use mark schemes too if they are available, but often at university level, they are not – a bit annoying I know.
But what if I love note taking/ reading from the textbook?
Okay, let’s make your note-taking a bit more effective.
Write out your notes, but ensure you are consolidating and not copying. Copying won’t help. At the end of each page or each topic, write yourself a list of questions about the information you have just written. And then when you come to learn the information e.g. by reading it out loud to yourself hundreds of times; make sure you test yourself with these questions at the end and see what you can recall. This way you are still actively recalling this information.
My experience:
What I am trying to ‘sell’ you is this concept of active recall. If you actively recall something you are more likely to remember the information than if you are passively writing or reading. Once you have done this you need to go over this information at different time intervals i.e. spaced repetition. Anki – the flashcard app I mentioned earlier really helps me do this. If you want more information on space repetition or how I do this then let me know in the comments.
All of the above information comes from my education experience, I have tried note copying, reading my notes throughout GCSE and A level. Yes, they got me where I am, but using my time with efficient methods could have given my grades an extra boost like it has done at university. Once I took some time to look into ‘effective’ revision methods AND implemented them, my revision game changed – and so can yours.
The information I’ve provided above is based on studies, not just some fairy-tale I have made up – This source and others online can show you the real positive impact active recall methods have on your learning. My explanations above are purposely ‘not sciencey’ but understanding this concept matters not the exact science. Active recall sounds like a big word, but its literally just testing yourself from the earliest opportunity.
Conclusion
I think by now you get the point and I don’t need to keep babbling on. But if you are to take anything from this post about revision is to:
1. Revise by the type of learner you are
2. Test yourself from the earliest opportunity.
Switch up your learning, make it exciting, make it effective. Then, you have more time to learn different content or for your leisure activities. More knowledge in less time!
As always you’ve got this!
Speak soon,
Lucinda x
P.s If you have any methods that work for you, mention them in the comments below!
#revision tips#revision#active recall#studyspo#Studytips#study motivation#motivation#anki#quizlet#studyblr#ukstudyblr#college#university#alevels#undergraduate#youve got this
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Is there anything you wish you had done differently development wise? If that's too personal of question, please feel free to ignore it and continue on to answer how are you? I hope you and your crew have all been safe, healthy, and happy!
Oh, certainly, quite a lot! I could write paragraphs and paragraphs about what I'd do differently.
Some of it was inevitable. For example, the first code I wrote for Wishbone was for handling the farm animals. I learned so much about RPG Maker VX Ace while I worked on that--I learned how to do fancy things in one or two lines of script calls instead of using sprawling conditional statements with lots of redundant text. In the early versions, noticing an error in, or wanting to add an additional conditional check to, my farm animal template might involve over an hour of copypasting to update it on every single page of the dozens of animals present on the farm. This was obviously a very bad design for many reasons (and as I realized later, events with many pages and lots of code embedded into the maps slowed down load times considerably.). I think I must have done at least three separate major rewrites on the farm animal code alone. In the current version, it's done very smartly, but it used to be terrible. I wish I'd known what I know now about RPG Maker back when I started--it would have saved literal months of development time. But I also needed to make those mistakes to learn about the engine, so... c'est la vie.
There was a lot of that: having no choice but to redo something because it was unworkably bad, or a new feature required another feature to be tweaked, or my plans evolved. I really wish I'd had a better development roadmap during early development stages... (we have a good roadmap now, though)
Another thing: embarking on a huge project with a group of friends is really really hard and generally not advised for good reasons. People are busy and just because somebody has time for a project now doesn't mean they'll still have the same amount of time in 3 years or 5 years. Even if you pay them they might not have time! People graduate school, change jobs, change life circumstances. People drift and change and disappear from the online entirely sometimes. Given a long enough span of time, these things will happen, even if it's your close group of friends. (And that's not even getting into the potential of drama/friend breakups--that hasn't been an issue for Wishbone, but I know of other creators who have had that happen and it totally messed up their plans.) We're managing on this front, and though I do enjoy working with my friends, I wouldn't want to do a project this big and interconnected again. It's just a lot of stress. Best case scenario... everyone hangs in there, but you have to play boss/project manager for your buddies, which is time-consuming and not very fun. If you suck at being a project manager, or aren't able to pick up the slack when somebody is too busy with their new job to do the thing they thought they could do, your project is not gonna get done.
Another thing: 5 years is an eternity. There are aspects of Wishbone that really do indicate that it was started in 2015ish, and while I've done my best to modernize it where I can, if I was designing a story from scratch today, I would do it very differently. Unfortunately, there's no real way around long development times when you're making a big game. You either get trapped in revision hell, endlessly redoing the same things over and over, or just acknowledge that there are going to be some plot points, mechanics, and artwork that make you groan when you think about them, and tell yourself that the next game you do will be better. Onward and upward is healthiest mentality and is the only way to get shit done when it comes to long projects like games or webcomics.
Finally... I work at an IT contracting company for my day job. My boss once gave me this advice for estimating how long a programming project will take: "Imagine the longest possible amount of time you think it will take. Then multiply that by three. That's the deadline you tell people."
And damn if he wasn't right. The biggest thing I would do differently with Wishbone, by a huge margin, would be to keep it secret for much longer. I wish I had waited until the project was like, 50-60% done before I told anyone outside of the private beta testers about it. I don't feel stressed out by development (...usually) but I am someone who hates disappointing people or failing to deliver on "my word", so I feel physical pain every time I have to announce a delay or something like that.
There's more, too! I could rant for hours. But I need to get back to implementing this Sonny cutscene if I wanna make the public beta in a timely manner, and I do really want to do that. (Remember that physical pain over delays!) So, I hope this answered some of your questions, Anon! Thank you for the well-wishes. I hope you are doing well too, and I am very grateful and touched that folks have been following this project for so long. I just hope the public beta doesn't disappoint!
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Behind the Scenes of System76: Sales Team
The System76 Behind the Scenes series aims to give readers an inside look at the people behind our mission. This week, we spoke with VP of Sales Sam Mondlick about the challenges of conducting business during a pandemic, and how long it’ll take the Sales Team to make a certain blog author a millionaire.
You know. The important things.
Take a moment to describe the different functions of the Sales Team.
The Sales Team itself is currently made up of two different positions. The Customer Experience Specialist (CES) is the first line of conversation with System76 with regards to anything order-related. Their job is to make your process from purchase to shipment as easy as possible and provide you with as much information as you might need, such as giving status updates about orders or answering questions that may have arisen.
The other position within Sales is Account Management. They’re the people you talk to from first inquiry to System76 about products. These guys help anyone, from my 80-year-old grandma who’s looking to transition from Windows to Linux, to Fortune 50 companies. They deal with a wide variety of customer base, so they’re pretty much experts in getting the customer what they need.
Then there’s the Product Management side of Sales. The Product Manager stays up to date on all-new technology, and then informs and directs the team. The position was built to ensure System76 is at the forefront of new and exciting technologies, whether that’s within the Thelio product line or in the form of updates that come to our laptops. And that could be as simple as tracking memory updates from DDR4 to DDR5, or with PCIe 3.0 updating to PCIe 4.0. For things like that we’ll track and update products throughout their lifetime.
What is the guiding principle for how the System76 Sales Team operates?
The Sales Team philosophy we push is what I call, “Consultative Sales.” We’re here to be an assistant to the user in order to get them the right product for the job; we’re not going to upgrade you for the sake of upgrading. The team is there to understand what you want to accomplish so that they can get you the right machine with the optimal performance for your use case.
What factors into the decision to introduce a new product?
There’s quite a few factors internally that we’ll go through. Looking at our product line we ask ourselves, is there something that’s missing from it? And if we do find something, what are the benefits to it? How is it going to make us as a company better, and us as a provider of Linux-based technologies the right fit for our customers?
For the Lemur Pro, battery life had always been a high-value item for our customer base. Before the Lemur Pro and Darter Pro were introduced about 2 years ago, the average battery life on a System76 computer was about 3-5 hours. The ability to introduce a product with a higher battery wattage allowed us to extend battery life almost threefold. That value is really what drives a product forward.
What is your team’s background with Linux?
A lot of the team members have a background in Linux as users. That’s what we tend to typically hire and bring on. They are apt in review and understanding, and helping customers that have specific tasks and needs within the Linux environment. Charles was using Raspberry Pis in order to do some cool things, and Bradley used Ubuntu even before he was hired. The same can be said for Jeremy and John. They all believe that Linux is the right tool for people, and they showcase that for incoming customers. Even if they’re not tech-savvy within Linux, there’s a background there with using it and seeing it in the wild.
What challenges did the pandemic present when it first started?
I think at the very beginning, the biggest challenge for us was the loss of the team camaraderie. A lot of Sales is personal relationships, and the team feeds off of each other, so having everyone in the same area was a huge benefit pre-pandemic.
In the first month or so after it started, there were definitely challenges with productivity and communication because Sales works a lot with Engineering, Support, and other departments in order to give the customers the information they need to make an educated decision, or to update them on the status of their order.
But, I think one of the best tools we have is our employee messaging client. That was already ingrained in us as something that was used pre-pandemic that really started to show its value post-pandemic, especially with the team members being in different homes—and in some cases, different states. It allowed us to provide our staff with as much as they needed to make their environment feel like they were still in an office, still able to get the camaraderie, and still able to get almost the same instantaneous response as they would in the office, but now done remote.
Our ability to put tech first, especially within Sales and Service, is one of the things we do really well. We never throw people at a problem. By that I mean we don’t delegate a problem up the chain to solve it. Instead we work for a solution, and our people evolve into that solution. From my viewpoint, we’ve established that a remote environment is as productive as an in-person environment, which has opened up the door for System76 to grow. Instead of working within a local pool, we’ve now moved to the ocean. Whereas you used to have to hire and work to provide resources for new hires to move to Denver so they can work with the team, now we can bring on team members from pretty much anywhere on the globe to come help make System76 better.
System76 has seen steady growth in the past year despite drastic political and economic changes. What do you attribute the success to?
I think we’ve matured as an organization. We have introduced products and product lines that are meeting and exceeding a lot of different customer requirements. When I look at our desktop line from when I started seven years ago, our options were the Ratel, the Wild Dog, the Leopard, and the Sable. With production moving in-house and the introduction of Thelio in the last two and a half years, keeping in mind both Intel and AMD, we’ve gone from offering a four-desktop solution to nine.
Laptop and desktop quality has also increased in the last seven years, and a lot of that has to do with what we’ve done in our new manufacturing facility. We have made leaps and bounds with regards to what we’re doing with software engineering now. There’s a huge demand for what our Software Engineering Team has done, driven by Jeremy and our open firmware/open EC that speak to a lot of people. Companies are looking at an open source solution instead of proprietary because they want more control over what their team and their organization are doing.
One of the things we’ve noticed is that our business clients have grown. There’s significantly more support and drive from both the end user and the corporate side to make it so Linux is a valued and desired solution for their teams. Today, I can probably put a Windows 10 machine next to my Pop!_OS 20.10 machine and accomplish everything in the same amount of time or faster. Maybe I’m not using the same applications, but anything I as a businessperson could do within Windows, I can now do with Pop!_OS or Ubuntu. The Linux ecosystem is continuously changing, and that only helps us as a company.
You’ve been at System76 for quite a while. What’s it been like watching the company grow?
It’s amazing. When I started at the company, I was really the first Sales-oriented person. I was the 8th employee at the time, and now I’m the 5th-oldest employee of System76 out of over 50 employees. So it’s huge, man.
When you look at a lot of big corporations, change is hard to make happen. It’s looked at as too different, too risky. But here, change is really something we strive for. We work to be different, to be new, to figure out new ways to help our customers or create solutions to help them, or figure out ways that can change us for the better that you just typically wouldn’t see from a corporation.
What was your favorite moment?
When I first looked at System76, back when we were only offering Ubuntu, I saw the beginning of something very similar to another major player. Very grassroots, very much specialized and hardware-specific. They also created their own operating system, so when I interviewed in 2014, I made comments during my interview with Carl that I expected us to probably produce our own operating system as well. I thought that would be our endgame as a company. At that time, and Carl might contradict my memory on this, but I remember he didn’t think that would ever happen. And then in October 2017, we released the first version of Pop!_OS. That made everything come kind of full-circle for me.
The following year, we brought hardware inside in order to make it the best that we could. So in three short years from me starting, we took what we were doing and elevating it to something that only a handful of companies do, and do well. Our potential is really limitless from what I’ve seen so far, and it’s very apparent with what we’ve done with Pop!_OS since its release, as well as where we’ve taken Thelio. I bet you we never thought we would’ve implemented something like i3 tiling into Pop!_OS. I really goes back to how we view change. We embrace it. We see it as trying to do something better than we did before. Carl and the Engineering Team view software as always being about revision, and we bring that philosophy back to hardware and back to the company as a whole.
#system76#s76#76#linux#computers#hardware#software#firmware#STEM#engineering#gaming#science#sales#behind the scenes#bts#Pop!_OS#Thelio#laptops#desktops#servers#manufacturing
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“the drunkards disease.” 6/18/21 3:04pm Final Copy
They say to just start writing even if you don’t want to, same as most things; practice makes perfect.
Now, with that being said, I want to talk about my father today the only way I know how to, through a piece of paper.
Which “technically” is just a handwritten projection of my own thoughts, so I guess I’m just venting to myself right now.
How Original.
My father has been in the hospital for days now, not getting any better. He’s been told his pancreas is dying, which is causing his liver enzymes to be fucked up. This as a result, will progressively lead his liver to fail. Concluding this sick and twisted domino effect.
“the drunkards disease”
I remember in my adolescent years, always complaining about my parents excessive drinking, of course words couldn’t even begin to describe the severity of what went on in my “home” every night after I got home from school. Every time I stepped foot down the school bus stairs onto the worn down asphalt of my street, it was like I was preparing to march into battle. Anxiety would suffocate me as I approached the front door.
This was a every single day reality for me and the only people who truly understood, were my siblings.
I read online that although it is possible “in EXTREME cases”, most heavy alcoholics don’t develop these issues until around 65-70 years old.
My dad is 51 and most likely won’t see the day he turns 52.
I am a fully committed pessimist unfortunately, not even a raging optimist can argue with the test results.
But would you like to know what frustrates me the most, leaving me tossing and turning wide fucking awake in the earliest hours of the morning?
The fact that he’s not telling me anything!
Don’t get me wrong, our relationship is in complete ruins but regardless, don’t you think that if he got his results back he should be updating me on something as important as that? It would be worth mentioning that I asked about the test results three times that same day.
Only to be thoroughly ignored, ALL THREE FUCKING TIMES.
The whole situation is just all types of fucked up.
I asked my youngest brother what hospital he was being treated at and he confirmed that my father is at the one only about 15 minutes away from my house. I’ve been debating back and forth for two damn days now on randomly showing up unannounced to his room in hopes to see him one last time, but when I get there what am I even going to say?
I genuinely don’t even know this man anymore and vice versa.
What the fuck do I say to the man who cold heartedly kicked out his first born son while still a teen. Selfishly leaving him to fend for himself on the unpredictably violent streets of the inner city. Meanwhile, he soundly rests his bald head comfortably in his materialistic kingdom of a home, filled with nothing but regrets and ruled by his new, stink eyed, pot belly queen.
The same exact man who looked deep in his sons struggling eyes and said he would never give up on him, and then did.
So now, here I am crying about a shitty and selfish man, who should have never been a father in the first place!!
Stupid.
I will admit, I do understand why that man is the way he is, he never truly had a solid chance at mental stability. Given away at birth and raised by his adopted parents, only to find his own adopted dad, dead in the kitchen by his own hand.
So, you tell me if you think he had a chance?
On second thoughts let me revise that, he did have a split in the road decision but took the wrong route, only to end up a bitter old man.
He had a chance, until his hand met that bottle. Refusing to put it down for a little to long.
Foolishly picked up, as a very effective maladaptive coping skill to numb the constant pain that subsides deep down inside his blackened heart.
Then, this same man hypocritically crucifies ME for struggling with addiction and chemical dependency issues so bad the majority of my life,
HM, I WONDER WHY???
MAYBE, IT’S BECAUSE THAT’S HOW I WAS TAUGHT TO DEAL WITH PAIN MY WHOLE CHILDHOOD!
Fuck.
I don’t know how many times I’ve attempted to explain my BPD and it’s anchoring roots, birthed from the seeds planted during the most impressionable years of my childhood.
Damning me to grow up to be a very mentally unstable and insecure shell of a man.
Still, they would without fail deny deny deny taking part in my inevitable downfall at all.
Acting like a bunch of clueless chickens with their heads chopped off, running around screaming... “what could we have done!?!????”
A fuck ton.
Yet you were always WAY to self absorbed and heartless to realize what you were ultimately doing to your oldest sons underdeveloped brain.
A sensitive brain.
So nowadays, I’m over it and bridges have burned.
I may bury my feelings the same way, but at least I never gave up like a fucking coward.
Where were you?
You weren’t fucking there,
so what’s done is done as what’s said is said.
In conclusion, I wholeheartedly swear to everyone reading this disaster-piece that it will be a cold cold day in Hell if I EVER abandon MY OWN son for struggling and needing his father. Just to shun him away as he continuously BEGS and BEGS to make amends in a attempt to solidify our damaged relationship once more.
I’m shedding tear after tear, still alone, preparing myself to mourn a man I once called “Dad” and now is nothing more then a painfully saddening memory... for the rest of my days.
You may ask me why I care so much about a failure of a father/husband. who has absolutely no place in his heart for his own son,
only for that stupid fucking bottle?
Because,
I loved you dad.
i.r.
#journal#journal entry#journaling#free write#writersociety#writeundertheinfluence#deep writing#writer#personal#alcohlism#addiction#father#writeaway#writeblogging#2000s goth#please read#please share
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