#but I rewatched for this purpose and jesus christ that man did not do well by her

[souridealist]

me: this is going to be my nice, fun, lighthearted fandom where I just write lots of low-pressure goofy shit, I really need that right now me: me: me: me: trips and lands 1100 words into a fic about Laura, "Worst!"Logan, and the seven million psychological complexes that Laura's original Logan by all logic would have left her with

[lowkeyrobin]

hi hi!! 🦕 back once again!! i just love your writing :) could i get somethin where the reader is in their first mcc and their cheerleader (can’t decide on who from the cricket crew, surprise me!!) is cheering them on either from the sidelines, they’re on the same team, or on opposite teams and their cheerleader is purposely throwing to increase readers chances of winning pretty please 🦕

(also, yes, 🦕 anon)

(also sorry for request spamming)

omg no dw ab req spamming at all! and welcome to the family 🦕 anon! thank you so much for the compliment <3 ; and I love love love this prompt, hope u enjoy !!! i mixed ur req up a little bc I had to do Freddie bc he's so fucking underrated (and I'm carrying the badlinu fanfiction atm so yk) and I also wanted to include a little friendship bit w tommy, tubbo & billzo and also include freddie 💪💪 (if anyone's interested I do have a badlinu x enby oc fanfic on my wattpad [lowkeyrobin] so hehehhw)

FREDDIE BADLINU ; MCC cheerleader

summary ; freddie, although not playing in MCC, cheers you on from the sidelines while you're paired with Tommy, Tubbo, and Ranboo. The three also throw you some extra chances to win for the group, considering last MCC went horrible for you, and they want you to actually have fun this time!

warnings ; language, fake noxcrew drama/hate, maybe me forgetting how mcc works...

word count ; 1.5k

masterlist

Freddie sits next to you, helping you set up before you start your stream. He sets your famous y/f/c water bottle on your desk and sets some small snacks down as well, paired with a sandwich and chips.

You focus on your monitors before starting your stream with the Starting Soon screen, deciding to start earlier than everyone to just chat and then hop into MCC when your teammates join the VC. You talk with Freddie for a moment, making sure you both had snacks, water, and were comfortable in your current clothes. You begin your stream, screaming as the starting soon screen fades out, revealing you two being loud and waving hello.

"Hi chat! I'm starting before everyone else just to talk and eat for a minute!"

"And I'm here!"

"No one cares about you, Freddie!"

"Jesus, okay"

After talking for a solid half hour and eating your sandwich, and interacting with chat, your teammates began to spill into the VC.

"What the fuck is up, Pink Penises!?" Tommy screams as he joins the voice call, being the last to join.

"Jesus fucking Christ, man! Turn your volume down!" You shout, quickly removing your headphones after cringing from the ear-splitting screaming.

"Bitch, you turn your volume down!-" Tommy shouts back, cutting himself off as he hears Molly in the other room yelling at him to quiet down some, as she was trying to watch a movie. "Nevermind, I'll turn my volume down..."

You, Tubbo and Ranboo laugh, and you hop onto the MCC server, making a remark about how this would be your last MCC if you got treated like shit again. Freddie puts his earbuds in and plugs them into his phone, joining the voice chat so he could hear his friends.

"Wait, no, I remember that they said it was because you were blindly following people and you lost fair and square but when I rewatched the clip the arrows never popped up for you!" Tubbo exclaims, recalling one of the moments during Ace Race from your last MCC.

"Yes, dude!" You exclaim, meeting up with the three and crouch-greeting Quackity and Niki, who were with the Olive Ocelots with Punz and Foolish. "You can literally see frame by frame, not once did the arrows appear. It wasn't even a glitch just on my end, they just didn't show up and I dunno how! Even Sapnap defended me because they didn't show up for him either! It stopped the whole thing for 10 minutes and they still wouldn't hear me out, I just wanted to clear my name!"

"They literally said it was your fault meanwhile it was a problem on their end. The whole fucking Ace Race and Hole In The Wall were stolen from you, dude" Tommy nods, going in 3rd person to show off your matching, recolored pink skins, "Funny how the two you trained hardest for, you came in last for due to "your computer lagging/glitching and how it isn't their fault"

"I'm not even mad about it, it's the fact they kept blaming me when it's not my fault that their dumbass texture packs kept breaking" You complain, "Anyways, hopefully this goes a bit better" You lightly smile, feeling Freddie pat your shoulder. "Tommy, look at your shirt in front 3rd"

Tommy switches his pov to 3rd person front, seeing the whole front of his shirt had a large, pink penis on it, thanks to you designing the recolored skin. "You're so fucked up!" He laughs

"I'm the best, I know, I know"

Hole In The Wall had begun, Freddie being your sensei as he sat beside you, shouting out directions and strategic moves for you.

"Go to the left! Left, left, left!"

"On the right, quick, quick!"

"Dude, you got fifth! I'm so proud of you!"

Parkour Tag was next, and Freddie was being your eyes while you focused on being away from everyone else.

"Sapnap is it! He's right behind you, go up the left side!"

"How do I make that jump? That's fucking impossible"

"Crouch at the edge of that, sprint and jump, aim for the closest one, you have to go straight then like curve it"

"Oh my God, fuck yeah! See! You did it!"

"Just spam space, trust me!"

Bingo But Fast was never your strong suit so you let Freddie take a break, letting your teammates try and win that one for you. No way in hell you were gonna be able to find slime balls or an iron axe. Freddie stream sniped Ranboo, seeing their card was similar to yours, not even knowing where to find half the stuff on the map.

"Some others are lost too, they loaded the wrong map I think, you can't get some of this stuff at all on this one"

"Noxcrew..." You put on your best Batman impression, staring into your camera, "When I find you, Noxcrew, when I find you!"

Of course, all the training for Ace Race didn't go to waste, and with Freddie becoming your actual cheerleader, chanting and all, you'd ended up coming in second place.

Sky Battle was hell, and it was basically only you and Tommy after Tubbo got himself nearly insta-killed and Ranboo made the bad idea to try and take on Philza.

The rest of MCC remained with the pink haired boy behind you acting as your cheerleader and helping you out a bit. But, he also made sure you were drinking enough water and weren't getting too stressed out or getting a little gamer raged, considering it wouldn't be good for your mental health.

"Drink the damn water, you're screaming your voice away"

"Nuh uh" You say as you chug down at least half of the refilled bottle.

As Dodgebolt came around, you and the rest of your team were stressed. You had to win against the Olive Ocelots, because a little Twitter drama happened due to your big mouth shit talking Ranboo for the bit. You really just didn't wanna pay them a hundred dollars today, not after that shit loss in Sands Of Time. You swore the other teams were playing shit over the fiasco of last MCC, but Tommy, Tubbo, Freddie and Ranboo all agreed that you were just fucking cracked at Minecraft this afternoon.

Over the course of the stream, Freddie had stolen some sunglasses for you, a Valentines Day stream prop, and had been wearing them for nearly an hour, and he, in boredom, found a pink sharpie and used it to draw a giant dick on your forehead. Tubbo did the same with a washable marker he had laying around, and you guys started a little cult in between games, trying to summon Ranboo and Tommy into it.

You turn around to Freddie, apparently your coach now, "What do you say, Coach?" You ask him, referencing every football movie ever.

"Center left-field, defense on right" He answers.

"What?- Dude, MCC, not American football!" Tubbo exclaims, jumping all over your screen as to speak to Freddie.

The two of you laugh, and you turn back to him. "What's the plan, who should I aim for, Fred?"

"Okay, I think Tommy should go for Foolish because it's a little obvious, and make sure you're the first out! Ranboo and Tubbo could go for either Niki or Punz, and leave Y/n for Quackity. Leave it obvious the first round but totally mix up the strategy"

"Hear that, Tommy? Be quick, shithead"

"I got it, I got it"

The first to three of five wins, and sadly, it wasn't Pink Penises, although it would've been a win to remember.

Freddie stands up and wraps you in a hug anyways, whispering compliments into your ear as you smile.

"Much more fun than last time, yeah?"

You nod.

"We got fuckin second?" Tommy looks almost shocked, not realizing you'd lost the final round.

"We got second place! Hell yeah!" Tubbo smiles, throwing his hands in the air

"Second is the first losers, Tubbo!" Tommy shouts

"Shut up Tommy, you're just a sore second place winner because Y/n carried the whole team, take the L" Ranboo remarks with a smug look, seeing you and Freddie cheering yourself on and dancing over the video call.

After the group had muted and calmed down some, you turn to Freddie and hug him. He warmly accepts the gesture, seeing you a little teary eyed.

"Thanks for being my coach, man, I'm gonna miss you"

He catches onto the bit, sniffling as he nods, "You'll always be a star, don't stop dreaming, man"

You guys dramatically hug again, wailing and sobbing as you do so.

"Why the fuck are they wailing?"

"I swear to God, do you not use your ears?"

"I just undefaned to say goodbye!"

"Use your psychopathic powers, Tommy"

"What!?"

"That's psychological, Tubbo"

"Psychology powers, use them!"

"I'm leaving, fuck all of you and fuck you Ranboo for losing the last round"

"That wasn't even my faul- He's gone"

"I've never watched an American football movie, should I?" Tubbo asks.

You and Freddie quickly turn to your setup, shouting in unison.

"Nope!"

[tiltingheartand]

virgin mary you fucking alien pls :D (this is lexie)

also:

tagging @wakeupnew and @chobani-flip both in this one!

so, okay, first, the title comes from voltaire's song "the man upstairs" (... side note: i remember telling @chobani-flip how horrified i was at discovering the devil's bris came out in nineteen-ninety-fucking-eight; i am still appalled, for the record). absolutely not the title i'll be using, but as working-titles-in-gdocs go it serves its purpose (i.e., telling me which file it is without me having to think too hard).

but. anyway. this is the "tommy lived in buck's building already when he moved into the loft" fic that i posted snippets of here and here. i don't actually even remember what made the things connect in my brain that i got the initial idea for this fic anymore, although it's possible if i dug around in my chatlog with christine on discord i could find it.

but i think part of it is, you know. if buck and tommy did know each other before the helicopter rescue in s7, but neither of them were necessarily in a place where their relationship would be anything but friendship, what would that change? would that change anything? (this is also related to my deeply-held belief -- reflected in at least one other WIP of mine -- that buck just. desperately. needs more goddamn friends. people in his life that actually mean something to him that aren't in the "colleagues who've been promoted" category. that's one of the things that pissed me off the most about his relationship with taylor turning into a Relationship actually.)

and, hey. some things change. some things stay the same. buck's gonna buck, after all. i haven't 100% decided at what point they're going to get together yet -- i think i need a full-series rewatch before i can work on this much more, honestly -- but the one place i keep coming back to in my brain is in s5b, after the speed rescue with lucy. is this in large part because i fucking hate that arc? maybe. i love lucy but jesus fucking christ i hate that shit. >_> and here, another snippet, double-sized because there's two of you!

to: Tommy no it’s fine don’t worry it’s the middle of the day anyway i shouldn't be drinking

from: Tommy Lunch wouldn’t be the worst idea in the world, but if you want to drink, just drink. Leaving yourself beholden to an artificial standard of when it’s okay to indulge is less healthy than day drinking. Also shift work means that you can drink whenever you want to, in my opinion. I’ll be worried about you either way. You might as well have a bad day with somebody else’s beer.

to: Tommy i promise that wasn't what i was trying to do i worry enough people as it is we don’t even work together

from: Tommy This is a free service from me to you. I get it if you don’t want to, but don’t feel like you have to say no to be polite. If I didn’t mean the offer I wouldn’t have made it.

(ask me about any of my WIPs, if you'd like!)

[self-loathing-angel-of-thursday2]

Beautiful Spouse’s Rewatch Thoughts SPN 06x13 Unforgiven

“Tear down the wall. Tear down the wall.” 

“Let me tell you what it felt like when I touched it. Ya know” “Well if it’s bad enough to bother Samuel, something’s gotta be really fkn wrong” “There’d be a lot more blood. Holy shit man” “What did Mel Gibson do back then?” He started to hate the Jews

“How do you NOT know where it’s from?” “Oooo” “Gotta love the bass note on that one” “fkn lying son of a bitch” Dean likes brunettes

“They nailed the lighting on Jensen’s hair every time” “How do you fkn notice that shit in the background?” Laughing at “gender bend” “is the lady the creature?” “Wow. He goes right back into the ‘woe is me’ thing” “How did he not know this was going to happen?” “Really? That’s the line he’s going to go with? He doesn’t remember anything? Come on” “oh shit. It’s crime time” “Somebody dies here” “Heels feel like a bad idea” “Moth man…probably.” “There were sounds like bugs and stuff” “At this point, she has no reason to trust him like wtf” “I know it’s for the story but wtf” “I’ll be right back but I’ll be dead or something when I get back” 🎶baseball bat to the back of the head🎶

“What is it with all these government employees bringing stacks of paperwork home? Classified documents?” “This is a good way to tell a story. I like this episode” “Did he bone this one?” “How can you say that? You don’t remember shit” “That’s not real snow. Look at that fkn cobweb shit. This is garbage. I gotta piss now.” “Do any of these people know what snow actually looks like?” “COBWEBS” “Oh maybe the cobweb is on purpose.” “So he’s not going to get her involved. So he’s going to be alone outside.” “Just stare at the bait” “It’s got bug eyes” “I forgot text messages weren’t unlimited in the beginning” “This wall is shit” “Wasn’t it snowy outside?” “Hey a reference I understand” “Maybe this episode is like Memento. I don’t remember” “Oh he used the guy as bait. Nice” “And he’s going to be too much of a Sam to not tell the lady” “Samuel should know better” “It ate your bait” “To be fair, soulless Sam was a little more interesting. Less predictable” “Really? With the butt flaps?” “ASS FLAPS” “What pants have ass flaps like that?” “Spider bitch” ���BUTT FLAPS” “Doesn’t decapitation usually work?” “oh boy” “He’s blasting all these guys, and Samuel is just going to stand there” “I mean his deaf ass can’t hear anything anyway” 🎶I killed them all 🎶

“So he did murder them all” “oh fuck” “That’s not good” “It’s a trap” “uh huh. How can you tell? Have you known her your whole life?” “Wouldn’t you want to sneak in the shadows? They[re just out in the light” 🎶lights on in the shed🎶

“It’s a trap” “GOT ME” when Spouse jumped

“That’s rather inconvenient” Where does the web come from?

“Does the poison turn them into the Arachne or did the lady come back to life?” “I feel like spider thing would know what web cutting sounds like” “Decapitated” “How has she not killed Sam yet?” “That’s all they could do? Have her close the door? She should have killed his ass” “What a bleeding fkn heart. Jesus Christ” 🎶don’t be a bitch🎶

“The fuck”

[1shirt2shirtredshirtdeadshirt]

I think I just broke my spouse by rewatching Star Trek Generations. Oops.

My spouse is now losing their sh*t in the funniest way possible because I've said I am rewatching Star Trek VII: Generations "for science". (I'm working on a fic and need to clear up a few things bc I haven't rewatched this in . . . Well . . . I haven't rewatched this.👀 There are strong opinions in this family about Generations.)

But my partner's visceral reaction to Generations has me:

Some quotes when they came down and found Generations playing on the TV (and bear in mind that we speak with a thick Irish sounding accent because it just adds to the whole experience for me):

*SO sees Generations credits starting*

SO: *Flatly* No. *Goes back upstairs, yells from up there* I am not watching that shite movie. Not even for science. I refuse. You'll be watching it alone.

Me: That's OK, it's why I'm watching it while you're at work. :) *Trying not to die withholding laughter*

***Silence for a while, then***

SO: Are you serious, man? *Comes back downstairs as if unable to believe their eyes, aghast at the credits, giving Bill Shatner a run for his money for dramatic flourish* Jesus Christ today . . .

Me:*Starts cackling*

SO: Yer f**king with me. Right? *Grinning* You ARE f**king with me aren't you?

Me: I'm watching it, be quiet!

SO: Well I'm not watching Generations. I won't be supporting this.

Me: Obviously, you're working. Go back to work!

SO: I can hear it and I don't know how I feel about that.

*Moments later, comes back down the stairs with betrayed glance, goes to fill coffee cup, comes back to sip and glare at the TV screen before looking at me in horror*

SO: Who are you?

*They kept finding excuses to keep popping in and out, offering salty commentary*

"OH SURE just leave the body there ya bald c*nt why not? You're beaming everything else on board . . ."

"OH SURE the CAT lives, meanwhile KIRK is under a ROCK PILE like a STREET DOG."

"Well go ahead then ya soulless t'ing. Just leave it there I guess, a dead body is worthless. Unless it's JIM KIRK!!! Do you know how far Spock had to travel to get that body?!"

"Love . . . I didn't fix your computer so you could put me through this G*d d*mn torture today." (My spouse just did over $400 worth of reformatting and data retrieval on my laptop on the same day I rewatched Generations.)

SO: *Coming back down AGAIN during work to see the ending credits* "I can't believe you did that alone. I won't congratulate you for that. . ."

"I'm insulted to watch these credits and know people willingly took part in this. Who took money for this? Who got paid to do this to me? I need to take my pants off, I'm too overheated . . ." *storming from the room while taking off pants*

- - My partner going on an actual tailspin when I tried to get them to rewatch Generations with me for the express purpose of plot points re: The Nexus for a fanfic. Then I put it on while they were at work and I think I broke them.🤣 Shiver-me-triggers, Cap'n.

This film destroys families and never should have been made confirmed.

P.S.: They are still going but the credits ended long ago:

"WHAT KIND OF MONSTER LEAVES BODIES THERE? YOU GONNA LEAVE JAMES T KIRK UNDER A PILE OF ROCKS? THE ROADKILL SPECIAL? WHO GOES TO WAR WITH COMRADES AND JUST -- YOU DIDN'T EVEN HAVE TO LEAVE HIS BODY YOU HAVE BEAM TECHNOLOGY-"

P.P.S.: my family's favourite GIF to use when talking about Generations:

[hybridempress]

Listen, I say this as someone who is an All Might stan. I fucking love All Might, he's one of my favorite characters in BNHA. But he is a fundamentally god awful character in the way that he is written. All Might is one of the most poorly written characters I've seen in all my years of fandom

And like I get it, he's a superhero in a superhero manga, so we should have some leniency with plot holes or mary-sue-ish powers, but JESUS CHRIST! This man exists solely to push plot forward in the beginning of the manga and then becomes utterly useless after the second AFO fight, but he's allowed to break every single rule set up by Horikoshi's worldbuilding, just 'cuz!

Like how the HELL is All Might a UA alumn but simultaneously his identity was anonymous until after the second AFO fight? Seriously none of All Might's classmates/teachers/any heroes he might have interned with/ANYONE WHO WATCHED THE SPORTS FESTIVAL were like "hey remember that Yagi kid who won the Sports Festival, graduated from UA and then disappeared? Well he looks exactly like this new All Might fellow and their quirks are exactly the same" not to mention that the GOVERNMENT has a registry of everyone's quirks and you have to get a LEGAL LICENSE TO USE YOUR QUIRK IN PUBLIC! You also have to file incident reports every time you do any kind of hero work!

It's also speculated that his quirk gives him regenerative healing properties, but of all the abilities we are canonically informed of when it comes to All Might's version of One for All, healing powers is not one of them. This man is missing most of his internal organs. He got his guts entirely rearranged, and not in the fun way. He literally should have died, but SOMEHOW he was miraculously able to be saved and CONTINUE HERO WORK FOR SEVERAL YEARS AFTERWARDS! His quirk hadn't completely failed him until very recently! So how is it that he could stay alive after something like that, but Nighteye had to die after receiving a similar but less intense injury, and Ingenium was permanently paralyzed (and practically erased completely from the story) after getting stabbed? With the advanced technology and healing quirks needed to keep All Might alive, there's literally no way in hell either of those two other heroes should have received the lackluster treatment they did.

This post doesn't really have a point, other than that I'm here to push my Toshinori should have been homeschooled instead of a UA Alumn and Ingenium deserved to not just be plot fodder from one arc and Nighteye being a martyr served absolutely no purpose to the story. All Might in and of himself contains so many plotholes and just complete decimations of what could have been excellent worldbuilding, and these flaws become glaringly obvious the more times I reread the manga or rewatch the anime. Like bro I love him, but his writing sucks ass

[saharzahids]

Starkid Rewatch: Twisted 🦜

The happiest place on earth became 'da crappiest place on earf'

Meredith looks so pretty here

Can we talk about how beautiful the music for dream a little harder is? It legit sounds like one of those disney scores

The chorus of 'fuck you's to the tune of 'bonjour' is the only only thing that plays in my head at any given time

MARIE! THE BAGUETTES! HURRY UP!

He's hereeee

You think you're better than me just cause you can read? Well, get out of my bookstore!

🎶why is everyone in the kingdom white🎶

Starkid is iconic for letting belle swear

I want to be a cat. What? Fuck you

The captain is my favourite character here

Abdul you're alive I thought you cHoKeD oN sHiT

This is all your fault jafar

Just one question why man? CAUSE YOU STOLE MY DAUGHTER'S HYMEN

Blood

On

My

Asscheeks

Tell me jafar

HOW THE FUCK DID IT GET THERE??

Do not feed me shit and call it couscous jafar

The shift from 'follow the golden rule' to 'follow the gold and rule'

HE HAS THE RANGE PT. 3

How dare jafar and sherrazade be this cute

The hand touch™

I burst out laughing every time the sultan talks

The sultan from twisted 🤝 black phillip from little vvomen

If you know you know

It is our purpose to serve him. Well, maybe I have a new purpose now.

I'm crying

Science says your dead and gone forever. Reason says I'm talking to the air. But something in my heart. Some secret hidden part. Illogicaly insists that you are there. Somewhere

This is my favorite part of the song

The Princess is so fucking dumb

I love her

I was orphaned at 🎵 33 🎵

✋ princess I'm so glad we found you

No high five

This is all jafar's fault

She just so-o-o-o- beautiful? Fuckable

Achmed's soldiers are the only people i care about

Everyone look at my ass

Those are stretch marks. They happen

This whole scene is my favorite actually

The choreography is hilarious yet perfect

Mr James tolbert you dropped this king 👑

• HE FUCKED A TIGER

My favorite father daughter duo

The captain entering just as jafar sings "a song means a dick is on the way" is my favorite meta joke ever

This is all your fault jafar

Because it is you you're just wearing different clothes

[carpet swishy noises]

Ah the misunderstood villain sequence

Cruella (2021) take notes

Aww ursula and jafar are holding hands while scar sings

Fortune favors the beautiful. AU CONTRAIRE!

Jafar? Jafar! 🎵Ja'far🎵

Here's johnny

I'm turboman

Shh! I'm batman

You either back me the fuck up...or shut the fuck up

We have reached the peak of feral jeff

Okay. Jesus christ. I don't know what's going on here

You have her eyes. You have her heart. I'm sobbing

Rachael has underrated vocals

You must bring back the 2Ds

Darn tootin

Twisted had the best ending out of them all tbh. That and firebringer.

This is all jafar's fault

[angelthefirst1]

I saw a post you had made awhile back pointing out 10x10 on the clocks around Beth and Daryl and even Emily and Norman having parallels to each other in some photo shoots. Fun fact about the 10:10 clock - it’s a marketing strategy too. Look up the 10:10 clock conspiracy. They do that to make the clock look like a smiling face. Celebs, businesses, cartoons, photo shoots, tv shows, movies, etc. do that to catch the eye on purpose. Not to be negative on it for Beth but just saying.

Yes I am aware of the default clock settings and how it's used in marketing to attract consumers to an item, it's aesthetically pleasing to the eye to have the clock hands in that position... I know others have made posts about this in the past.

However that doesn't mean that Beth's clock was just randomly and meaninglessly placed in the background (it's not advertising anything) except Get Well Soon!

10 as a number also has many interesting meanings. It's considered a complete number representing the completness of order.

Beth's story portrayed her in many ways as a Christ figure with all the symbols around her and biblically the number 10 has many meanings such as:

In Genesis the phrase "God said" is found 10 times (indicating completness of creation)

God gave man the 10 commandments (indicating completness of the law)

On the 10th day of the first month the passover lamb was selected, it's sacrifice and blood was used to save the first born child of evey family that painted the blood on the door frame to the home. Jesus was the lamb that would take away the sins of the world. (This to me is a hugh indication that Beth will bring a cure)

God sent 10 plagues to pharoh and the Egyptians (indicating completness of judgement)

So the number 10 has a lot more to it than just a marketing strategy it's indicating a completness of story.

I'm still not sure we will even see Beth at 1010 as the clock does indicate soon, which means "in or after a short time" but I do think we will get a major clue.

One other point to keep in mind is the title of episode 1011 Morning Star (FASCINATING TITLE THAT IM SURE IS JUST HUGH COINCIDENCE) Not!!! 😒🙄🙂

I've been harping on about the Morning Star and the Bright Morning Star for a while now and so have others in Team D and how it equals Beth.

When I did a rewatch of season 1 and the cdc story i saw a blue print of 10 seasons before reintroducing a possible cure story.

This is the first clock we see at the cdc 10:02 0r 10:10 on an anclock

Below is some of my 10:10 post which indicates season 5 was the half way mark to a new cure story being introduced and that the Morning Star would be back around the time we get to 10:10

This might be a bit hard to follow as it's just a small part of a large post but you can go read the whole post if you want more background information.

Continued...

Continued...

Continued...

Continued...

Continued...

Bright morning star.

Very long answer I know sorry... but you opened a can of worms as I've been wanting to post about the Morning Star title of 1011 and this question rolls into It.

In short 1010 is not just a default clock setting 😁😀☺

[jupiternovak]

So let's talk about Sherlock...

I just watched The Final Problem today and I am very torn on my opinion on it. while watching i didn’t notice almost any of the major issues with it, probably because I was too emotional to pay attention. I came on tumblr right after finishing and to be honest I was overwhelmed by the amount of hate TFP got, although now it’s been a few hours though and the more I think about it, the more problems arise. I would just like to talk about the plot holes I noticed in this and also the things I liked and disliked.

for the record, I didn’t hate the episode and I didn’t think it was horrible, I just think that Moftiss were overthinking and absolutely overlooked some key points and needless to say, almost everyone noticed.

first off

- how the fuck did John get out of the well? he was literally chained to the bottom and they just threw a rope at him, what the actual friggity fuck?!?

- TLD ended with Eurus shooting John, not just shooting at him, John literally said in the beginning of TFP that he got shot. Eurus said she would put a hole in John’s face an I really doubt she’d miss if she really wanted to shoot him. John doesn’t seem to be hurt at all though, guess he must be jesus h. fucking christ in the flesh or something;

- speaking of mysterious healing, tHEY JUMPED OUT OF A FIRST FLOOR WINDOW WITH A BOMB EXPLODING BEHIND THEM AND DIDN’T GET A SINGLE SCRATCH ON THEMSELVES. firstly, they broke the windows with their bodies so they must have gotten damaged from the glass. secondly, they jumped out of a window. remember in scandal in Belgravia when Sherlock threw that guy out of a window and how bad he got hurt from that? thirdly, a bomb exploded behind them. that would have increased their speed and also hurt them. yet, in the next scene they are completely fine and don’t even come and tell me it was a while later because when they talk on the phone they say Mycroft is in the hospital unconcious, which would suggest that the explosion had just happened.

- jumping back to TLD now, what exactly was the purpose of Eurus dressing up as Faith, the girl on the bus and Johns therapist? I kinda understand Eurus helping Sherlock by giving him the letter and leading him to Culverton, but why the other two? I understand that she’s a literal psycho but what benefit did that give her? none. just fucking confusing everyone.

- Mycroft is one of the smartest men alive and yet he lets Moriarty and Eurus meet without anyone checking on them whAT THE FUCK

- how’d the “miss me?” video get all over London in HLV? who the fuck distributed it? Eurus? she can hack now?

- Mycroft: *locks Eurus in Sherrinford* Eurus: *escapes* Mycroft: “hey yknow what’s a good idea? let’s take Eurus back to Sherrinford bc that sounds like a great plan lol!”

- why’d they never look in the well when looking for Victor/Redbeard? tf smh

- how and why tf did Eurus build a fake cell? what was the fucking point?

- one moment Sherlock and Eurus are talking to eachother through a tv screen and literally three human seconds later Eurus is sitting on the floor in her room and basically looks like she’s absolutely traumatised, with no camera or anything. were the videos prerecorded? if thats the case then wtf happened to Eurus while Sherlock was out? this bit and the next one still piss me off the most

- I understand building tension and putting Sherlock under pressure but the whole plane story was literally pointless. did Eurus pretend to be the child? i understand the metaphore of it but everything about Eurus is contradicting itself at this point and her character is just messy tbh

- suprisingly convenient doors in cells that lead to other cells what a coincidence :o

- how did Mycroft Holmes, again, one of the smartest men alive, not see this coming? is he a moron? he knew exactly what his sister was capable of and he was just like tralala Eurus can literally hypnotise ppl and make them do what she wants but shes locked up in a prison so that means no worries for me (*˘︶˘*).｡.:*♡

- where did the fake tombstones come from? did 8 year old Eurus bring them there or something? tf

- the absolute fuckery that happened when Sherlock first went into the room Eurus was in. how did he not see there was no glass? last i checked glass reflects, shouldn’t you be able to see that?

- there are fucking security cameras, did Mycroft literally never check what happened while he wasn’t there and while Eurus was just having a walk around London with Sherlock and having chips, and not only Mycroft, did nOONE CHECK AT ALL? SHERRINFORD IS A PRISOM FOR THE MOST DANGREROUS WHAT THE SHIT

- HOW DID JOHN GET OUT OF THE WELL I’M STILL CONFUSED

This episode wasn’t all bad though (hard to believe looking at literally everything I just wrote) but i did love a lot of things about it.

- WE GOT TO SEE SHERLOCK’S AND MYCROFT’S CHILDHOOD AND WHY THEY ENDED UP THE WAY THEY DID THIS IS ALL I EVER WANTED

- despite everything I still love the way they use the camera when filming Sherlock they’re all so smart about that

- Mycroft mouthing along to that movie

- Mycroft’s magic umbrella

- “hey bro!”

- THE HAT

- Mycroft having to sit in the chair

- MRS HUDSON LISTENING TO NUMBER OF THE BEAST

- Sherlock calling John family

- Sherlock calliNG JOHN FAMILY

- SHERLOCK CALLING JOHN FAMILY

- SHERLOCK LITERALLY GOT SO PISSED AT MYCROFT FOR WANTING TO EXCLUDE JOHN AND C A L L E D H I M F A M I L Y

- “Sherlock the pirate”

- Mycroft disguised as an old man anD THE REVEAL

- Sherlocks fake accent

- Eurus playing the violin

- Eurus being all gay

- Jim Moriarty

- Jim Moriarty stepping out if a helicopter with queen playing in the background

- Jim Moriarty literally hitting on his bodyguard

- Jim Moriarty

- “I am your christmas present”

- the thing Moriarty and Eurus do through the glass

- tiNY SHERLOCK

- FAT TINY MYCROFT

- TINY SHERLOCK BEING A PIRATE

- the absolutely horrifying amount of pressure Sherlock, John and Mycroft were under while doing the tasks

- the kid on the plane, absolutely terrified, but sippin on a juicebox

- John being so sure he could shoot the general but couldn’t

- Mycroft getting sick at the thought of killing

- Sherlock’s voice when he talks to the girl on the plane

- Mycroft and Sherlock deducing together

- Sherlock choosing John over Mycroft

- “soldiers today”

- Sherlock realising Molly loves him

- Sherlock choosing to shoot himself

- Sherlock doing the hand thing when matching the years on the tombstones to Eurus’s song

- Lestrade saying Sherlock is a good man yES

- violin-off

- SHERLOCK AND JOHN BEING ACTUAL FAMILY AND RAISING ROSIE TOGETHER

- HAPPY SHERLOCK HOLDING HAPPY ROSIE AND HAPPY JOHN HOLDING HAPPY ROSIE WHAT MORE COULD YOU WANT

- SHERLOCK CALLED JOHN FAMILY I CAN NOT DEAL

- EVERYBODY IS HAPPY IN THE END (except probs Molly)

and now let’s get to everything I didn’t like, excluding the plot holes i described before

- how everyone treats John, like he’s always the dumb one in every situation, Mycroft thinks that, Eurus thinks that, Mary thought that, all the fans only know Sherlock and not him jUST PLS PPL APPRECIATE HIM MORE HE’S GOT IS SO HARD AND HE DESERVES BETTER

- Molly deserved better, she was just thrown around like trash like I get it you don’t wanna make Sherlolly canon (me neither dw) but stop toying with her like she’s nothing please she’s a great person and deserves more

- how John literally couldn’t physically and mentally push himself to watch the “miss me?” video at first but then when he got the “miss you” video he was like “oi Sherlock fam got some mail wanna have a movie night?”

- Moriarty is still dead, how disappointing

- there wasn’t enough Lestrade or Hudson, pls give the real heroes of the show some screentime they have to put up with Sherlock’s and John’s shit

- not enough deduction

- somehow even though Eurus is overpowered in every way Sherlock can still beat her so easily

- not enough Rosie

- we get it her name means East Wind now stop mentioning it every 2 minutes

- every character that is even a little bit LGBT is a bad character (Irene Adler, Moriarty bc let’s face it he’s gay as shit, Eurus etc)

that’s about all I got for now, I’m planning to rewatch the episode tomorrow so maybe I can evaluate it with a clearer head and get a less biased opinion on it. Moftiss could have done so much better when making this, TLD was an absolute masterpiece in so many aspects and TFP was a piece of literal garbage next to it. really hope they redeem themselves in the next season (if there is one) and explain a few things they didn’t this time. I really hope people stop hating on Moftiss for the decisions they made with this episode and instead give them actual legit points where they went wrong. too much negativity in the fandom right now. hope you all have a good day!

[agent-fitz]

I'm asking you all the questions to get even for you asking me all the questions. It's gonna take me forever to answer them :P

1: it's the apocalypse. you lay next to the person you trust and love most, and start talking. you know your time is limited. what is the one thing you want them to know before you two die? that life is a great adventure, and it’s been an honor to go through it with them beside me, but that there is even more adventure to come, and not to despair.

2: you are faced with an almighty spirit. it tells you that you must choose two emotions\feelings - one of them you will never feel again, and the other becomes your most dominant. which two are those? this is really difficult because i can see how every emotion can be vital in certain circumstances. is boredom an emotion? can I choose to never feel bored again? and my most dominant emotion... excitement. just, pure eagerness and enthusiasm for life. like that feeling when i’m standing on a mountainside.

3: what is the one thing you want your best friend to never do? why? how will you react if they do it? regardless of which best friend i’m referring to, i never want them to settle in life. because we only get one of these things and we should really not be rationalizing “the logical thing to do” but instead living it the way we want to live it. but, my idea of them settling might not be their idea of them settling, so if i were to feel like they had settled i would love them through that and support whatever decisions they’d made--while still nudging them toward whatever forgotten dreams they might have.

4: do you have a favorite tv show? why is it your favorite? what is the reason you started watching it, and what is the reason you continued? er...i jump around with shows a lot, so it’s hard to say. i guess my all-time favorite has been grey’s anatomy, though it at its current state is definitely NOT my favorite show on tv. but it’s my favorite because it allows me to feel things, and gives me reason to feel things, that i often don’t get to feel just on a daily basis. it reminds me of hidden things that need to be addressed. or, it used to, before it became all drama. i started watching it out of curiosity, because i was stuck at home in 9th grade and needed something to cry about. i continued because my heart got attached.

5: do you have a favorite musical instrument? if yes, why exactly is it your favorite? can you play it/would you ever? i really like the cello or the violin. it just amazes me that those instruments can make such a wide array of sound, and they’re so full of life and zest and emotion. i don’t know how to play it nor will i probably ever learn.

6: who is your all-time favorite character? why exactly? do you relate to them, and how? all-time favorite character...this is nearly impossible. okay, whatever, this is probably not my all-time favorite but for character development purposes we’re gonna say it is, I’m going with Zuko from Avatar the Last Airbender. His character arc is done FLAWLESSLY and he just represents so much of what and how a person wrestles with finding who they are. I really, truly love watching him grow into his own person, and especially how real it is with the amount of times he messes up or second guesses himself. And yeah, I definitely do relate to him, because he just feels things so intensely and sometimes it’s too much and he literally wants to explode and that’s...me.

7: is there anything you believe in? what is it? why do you believe in it? can you tell us something that explains this belief? I believe in God, and I believe in Jesus Christ, and I do believe that He is the Son of God and He came down to earth and died for all of us so we can have relationship with them again... I believe it because every other option sucks, and because I’ve seen how God has changed me and countless others, and frankly because the evidence points to it being true. Jesus clearly was a man who lived, and most people like to say He was a prophet but not God Himself in human form. Except, Jesus said himself that He’s the Son of God...so He’s either a liar, a raving lunatic, or telling the truth. And men actively chose to give their lives based on the truth that Jesus rose from the dead and is the Son of God. I believe in logic, and the logic of all of that says that Jesus was telling the truth. And why be afraid of that? If he was telling the truth that means there’s a loving, forgiving, desperate God out there who wants to KNOW me and love me and take care of me. Why would I want to convince myself that that’s not true?

8: you are locked in a room until the day you die, and have a choice to spend this time with one person. will you choose someone? if yes, who is it? why? Okay, well, can I choose Jesus? If I can’t choose Jesus (which would be stupid and I totally choose Jesus) then I think I probably have to pick my cat. OR a character from Harry Potter because that would just be entertaining. Also, both Jesus and an HP character could get me out of the room so...going with them.

9: what is the book that got you into reading, if there even is one? what was so special about it? when did you read it? I dunno, either the HP series or the Magic Treehouse series. Dope stuff.

10: what is the song i have to listen to so i could know you better? Stay Alive by Jose Gonzalez.

11: do you prefer being outside when its sunny or when its dark? When it’s sunny.

12: do you like the rain? why? do you prefer storms or light dripping? I do like the rain, but I prefer the weather either cold or warm sunshine, so rain isn’t my favorite. If I had to choose I’d rather a storm, so it makes it dark inside and you feel like you should light candles.

13: hot chocolate with cinnamon, marshmellows, both or none? Marshmallows.

14: do you like tea? why? if yes, what is your favorite kind? The only tea I’ve really enjoyed was the English Breakfast Tea I had in London when I went for afternoon tea. That stuff was addictive.

15: do you enjoy coffee? if yes, do you drink it for the taste or for the caffeine? COFFEE

16: what is your perfect playlist for studying? where is the perfect place to listen to it? I like the productive morning one on Spotify, or the soft jazz. In a coffeeshop.

17: what is your favorite color? why? what is your least favorite shade of this color? So I like gray, green, and pink. Gray can be any shade. Green needs to be a darker green or a like...almost camo green? Anything that’s a more faded shade or forest green. Pink, gotta have it blush or soft pink or salmon or something. NOT hot pink.

18: think of a person you love. now describe them, using only stuff that only you would describe them with. (for example - my person would be described by reading a new book while there's a storm outside.) Eating burgers and fries after playing little league baseball.

19: what is the song you feel like you HAVE to know to play? I do not fully understand this question but it is my goal to learn the full Titanic theme song and be able to play it with TWO HANDS, like accompaniment and all.

20: do you like writing? do you prefer to write on a computer or in a notebook? I love to write. And it depends on what I’m writing. Stories are better on the computer, thoughts and journal things are better on paper.

21: shuffle your playlist until you get to a song you will never skip. what is this song? why do you never skip it? do you recommend it? Boston, by Augustana. It feels like it was written for me. And that piano riff, I can’t skip that. Yes, obviously do recommend, especially if you’re feeling nostalgic. 

22: do you like stargazing? why? Yes. Because I love realizing how small I am, and how little my worries matter, and how little my decisions matter, and that there is this entire universe out there and yet God loves me and takes care of me. It strips me of all my fears.

23: what is your favorite hour of the day? I think I enjoy early in the morning, right after the sun has come up.

24: what is your harry potter house? did you get sorted on pottermore or do you think it represents you better? Slytherin. I did get sorted my pottermore, yeah. And before that, I didn’t really know where I belonged. I thought my Ravenclaw or Gryffindor, but I see now why Slytherin fits and I wouldn’t belong anywhere else.

25: what is your patronus? A brown owl (:

26: do you want to write a book? if yes, did you start already? Yes, I do, and if by having started the first few pages that means I started, then yes.

27: what is your favorite smell? Christmas trees :D or just the woods in general.

28: picture yourself at ease. now describe what exactly did you picture - with who you are? where? what exactly put you at ease? I’m in a field laying on a blanket, the sun is warm on my face, I have a good book and my journal with me, I can hear some water nearby so I can go play in the river when it gets too hot, and I’m alone. I’m at ease because I’m in nature, but also because I’m free of any responsibilities.

29: you have the option to forget one book/series completly and reread/rewatch it from the start. what book/series is it? Avatar the Last Airbender, for sure. 

30: what do you love most about humanity? That we’re all connected. It doesn’t feel like it, but we’re all so similar and we have the same pain and the same wants and the same needs and there is so much love that is needed and so much love that could be given if we just stopped to realize that once in a while.

[grimtime]

Analysis of an analysis

The main plot of The Room is very simple and God I wish I lived in the universe in which it weren’t, just to see, what it would’ve been like if the director were allowed to go fucking ham on the script. It reads like something I’d have written when I was like 9, only to go back and remove the more blatantly unrealistic elements (pirates) and insert in a lot of what my 9 year old idea of Adult Drama would be.

Jesus fucking Christ okay gimme an exacto knife and I’ll slice these boxes there is already way too much to unpack.

Why am I drawn to convolution? Why does it matter to me if the director had total creative freedom? Why would my nine year old self write a misogynistic story about betrayal culminating in a suicide and why would that be my nine year old idea of adult drama? Why did I specify I liked pirates when I was nine? Does that matter? 

It’s about a woman (Lisa) who cheats on her fiance (Johnny) with his best friend (Mark), because she’s fallen out of love with him, and the inaction of everyone involved as well as the transgression itself drives Johnny to commit suicide.

Did Tommy Wiseau intend for everyone else to betray Johnny through their inaction, or was that just my understanding of it at the time? I rewatched the film yesterday and actually, a LOT of characters try their best to mitigate the damage and stop it in its tracks. So why did I say they were inactive? 

I kinda wanna make a shittily edited montage with scenes of Mark and Johnny to Even In Death or My Immortal or something like that by Amy Lee but I don’t know how to edit video, so that’s out, for now.

Why do I want to do this? It’s not a competent film, but why do I want to mock it? Also, I like Amy Lee, so why do I want to mock it through that specific medium? And why do I want to focus it on Mark and Johnny? What’s the relevance of that? Why did I choose those two songs specifically as well? Both of which focus on grieving and being haunted by the memory of a dead loved one. 

There are a few unresolved subplots as well which I’ll get to later.

The film introduces the two main characters, Johnny and Lisa, by Johnny giving Lisa a red dress as a gift. If a man got me a sexy red dress as a gift I’d kill him. Fucking dresses and flowers and petals he’s just PERFORMING romance. He performs EVERYTHING with symbolic shorthand “oh, how do people act, men play catch I think? Eeeerrrrr then I will have my men play catch. In SUITS. Yeah this is humanity I fuckin’ nailed it.”

Why do I feel the need to specify that I wouldn’t appreciate a sexy red dress from a man as a gift? It makes sense for a man to gift his fiance a sexy red dress. There’s nothing intrinsically wrong with that. Why did I specify that I wouldn’t appreciate it, when my personal distaste has nothing to do with it. Nobody reading this needs to know. I don’t need to tell them that. 

Why so critical about Johnny’s performance of human concepts like male friendship and romance? Why did I mock it? What is wrong about it? 

There’s a running thread throughout this movie, wherein Johnny’s primary mode of affection is incredibly materialistic, and his friends value him primarily for what he can do for them on a financial/material scale. #Crapitalism. Similarly Lisa is only ever valued by other people for her external appearance cuz all the men are thotty creeps.

Is this assertion even accurate? Johnny provides emotional support to his friends throughout the movie. It might be more accurate to say that Johnny values *himself* for what he can provide. But this isn’t about that. Why did I discard his emotional support? Why did I assert that his affection is materialistic only? Why did I say his friends only value him based on that? 

I don’t think I’m wrong about what Lisa is valued for. But why did I pick up on that in the first place?

Blaa blaa fucking blaa dichotomy between realism crossing into surrealism Tommy Wiseau’s a misogynist and I can and will fucking make Lisa an interesting character blaa blaa fucking blaa nobody’s going to read this fuck you.

Why did I mock my own analysis in this paragraph and only very disparagingly allude to the realism -> surrealism? Is it because it’s kind of fucking pretentious? It IS. But why do I give a shit. And why do I simply just not shut the fuck up and not say it at all? Why do I say it? Am I trying to communicate I know it’s inherently kind of ridiculous? Why? For who? What am I hoping to maintain?

Why did I gravitate so strongly to Lisa’s defense despite knowing she has very few, if ANY, redeeming personality traits. I know if she were a real person I wouldn’t like her. Why do I feel the need to impose depth on a character that wasn’t intended to have any? Defiance in response to the inherently misogynic portrayal of women? Why do I feel the need to defy Tommy Wiseau’s original intentions? What am I expecting to accomplish? 

If I posit that I have no audience, who is this for? And WHY do I posit that I have no audience? Why is that important? What purpose does pointing it out serve?

Lisa is the surreal element- every other character is pretty fuckin’ preoccupied in their social status and place in their society and maintaining it, bitch gets what she wants she ain’t about that conformity. I mean she’s also an adulterer but fucking hell I have to impose depth art is interpretive blaa blaa fucking blaa why did I delete my blog I don’t remember anyone’s URL LMAO.

Here I equate surrealism with anti-conformity. Which is kind of strange, because it implies that I think conforming to society, accepting your social status, and maintaining it is realistic. The tone of this paragraph when talking about Lisa’s “surrealism” is pretty positive toward her. Which would also imply that I think realism is bad. 

Why do I HAVE to impose depth and my own ideas onto Lisa specifically? Why do I keep justifying myself with “art is interpretive”? 

I then proceed to dip the fuck out and mock my impulsiveness as if trying to remind an audience (that I supposedly do not have) that I’m self aware of my own pretentious and inherently kind of stupid shortcomings. But if there’s no audience, as I said earlier, who is that directed toward? 

Anyway I guess there’s something to be said for Johnny destroying all his possessions at the climax of the movie. Once he loses his trophy woman to his best friend he has nothing left, does he? He really has nothing going for him. I mean he has his job still but when he loses his already pretty flimsy social life all he has left are his materialistic possessions and they can’t exactly do therapy at him. But his entire life is his job and what he can possess. Destroying the only things he has left is self destruction. SHE TORE HIM APART.

Why would I claim that he has nothing but his material possessions left? I don’t think this is supported by the movie. He has his other friends. He has Denny.  I’m contradicting the source material to impose a certain idea onto Johnny. Why? 

Why did I reference a line in the movie to mock his act of self destruction? 

Ripping Lisa’s red dress at the end is a symbolic murder– because I don’t believe he ever saw Lisa as her own person. He saw her as another thing he could possess. A symbol of status he could dress up. A material. Lisa may as well have been a bit of red fabric. After all the momentum of the film often halts just to have characters comment on her hotness. Supporting this statement is the fact that, although she was lying about physical abuse, he does get pretty physical with her soon after. Foreshadowing? Fuck if I know, this movie wasn’t made competently. Was I written competently? Am I going to spiral before I die? Questions questions! All of them edgy!

I don’t know that I’m correct when I say that Lisa was his trophy, and a status symbol. He killed himself over her unfaithfulness. He stated a few times that she was clever. So why do I assert that she’s no different than any other possession he had? 

Does the momentum of the film REALLY come to a halt to have characters remark on her appearance? Why do I take notice of that? Why is it important to me to say that? 

I support that the tearing of the red dress is symbolic of murder by stating that Lisa’s lies about being physically abused are foreshadowing of that event. Maybe that’s a stretch in the context of the FILM, but I’ve also asserted that joking about having a heart attack was foreshadowing for my heart attack, so even though it’s a stretch when you apply that to the FILM, it’s not a stretch when you apply that to REALITY. Why is foreshadowing important to me in that way? 

I immediately state I don’t know, and that the movie wasn’t made competently, but we all knew it wasn’t. I immediately focus back on real life implications. Was my attempt at comprehending the narrative of The Room an attempt to comprehend the narrative of real life? If so, why did I pick THE ROOM, of all movies? If you’re self deprecating on a blog with no followers and nobody reads your post, does it make a meaning?

I wonder if there are any shitty fanfics written about Tommy Wiseau on wattpad. I’m not looking. But I fucking wonder.

Why the change in topic? Why wattpad, a fiction site known for mostly hosting kids fictions? Why am I drawn to haphazardly made fiction? 

Nevermind I looked and there’s “Trapped On An Island With Tommy Wiseau”. Fucking. Glorious. Why didn’t I pick THAT to over analyse? Holy fucking shit it’s amazing. I want to know where THAT story is going.

Whatever.

Why did I change my mind and look? I immediately contradict myself. Why DIDN’T I analyse that fiction over this one? Why did I like it so much? Why did I want to know where that was going? Why “whatever”? Is not saying something just as important as saying it? Bring up an idea only to dismiss it immediately after. 

So anyway, people repeat themselves when they talk sometimes, and they do it in the movie as well. That’s cool. That’s good. That adds some naturalism to it. That makes it seem like real people talking and not actors. Yeah.

The tone of this paragraph is different to all the other paragraphs. Why? What was I thinking?

EXCEPT IT DIVES ASS OVER TEAKETTLE INTO SURREALISM! When those people repeat themselves in ways that don’t make sense as a shorthand way to progress the scene. It’s just a single step removed from [INSERT SOMETHING TO CHANGE THE SCENE HERE]. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

What’s the purpose of pointing this out? I remember saying this and wondering if I’ve ever heard or said any artificial, fake sounding excuses to progress a plot or scene. Why did I pick “I don’t want to talk about it” as my cited quote over all the other choices? Do I just not want to talk about it anymore? If I didn’t- I wouldn’t. Does the AUTHOR not want me to talk about it? That is after all the same reason Lisa reuses that quote over and over. She wouldn’t bring it up if she didn’t want to. Tommy Wiseau is the one who wants her to stop talking about it. Why can I not focus too hard on this?

It’s something isn’t it. Damn. Yep. I’m chewing gum with the paper still on it just to see what happens. Hope it’s not poisoooooooon.

I unceremoniously change the subject to totally irrelevant bullshit, highlighting my own stupidity, as if to remind somebody of it. What audience? Then the subject of poison. Why? 

Aw hell I had to talk about the subplots. Iuno. INSERT SUBPLOT BLATHERING HERE. Danny took drugs. That was something. Amazingly the movie treats drugs and alcohol as bigger sins than attempted murder and assault! The characters do! Everyone does! Fucking glorious. IT’S NOT WHAT THE ILLICIT SUBSTANCES MAKE YOU DO UNDER THE INFLUENCE, IT’S THAT YA TOOK EM AT ALL! I forget what it means.

I hastily talk about the subplots, only really focusing on the alcohol and drugs/attempted murder and assault, for the purpose of mocking the condemnation of both over murder/domestic abuse. Why so hastily and haphazard, though? “I forget what it means” but I still bring it up? Why?

YOU ARE TEARING ME APART, NOCTURNE-DOLCE!!!

Why this joke? Is there significance to putting Nocturne in the role of Lisa? The placement of this joke is odd, too. Why here? Why now? Why out of nowhere? What am I mocking? Why am I mocking it? It’s a total non-sequitur. 

Yeah. I wonder if I could construct a shitty emo poem using only lines of dialogue from The Room.

Why?

Don’t leave I need you, I love you Everything is going wrong

You don’t want to talk to me

They trick me They didn’t keep their promise They betray me, and I don’t care anymore

You are TEARING ME APART

I don’t care

Everything is not okay

Don’t worry about it

It’s definitely shitty.

Why did I pick these specific lines of dialogue? Why did I do this at all? Who benefits from it? What’s it even saying?

The more I think on it the more I realize that Lisa is literally the only character that develops as the movie goes on. I mean her development is basically “HOT ADULTERER IS EVIL WOMAN BITCH” but, yknow, at least she’s not like poor dumb Mark who has sex with her countless times and still manages to be stunned when she proposistions him for sex.

Why did I pick up on this? What significance does it have?  

Arguably she’s also the only character that shows any kind of agency; all the other characters seem to have their patterns. Mark asks her “why are you doing this to me” as if he’s a totally passive, blameless bystander, each scene with Claudette is exactly the same as the last, etc. The only character that really advances the plot is Lisa.

Are there blameless bystanders in our reality? Who have no agency? Are we some of them? Are we Lisa, or are we Mark? Is agency indicative of immorality in the context of this movie and our lives? 

Lisa: agent of chaos and change. I unironically adore the PISS out of her dialogue. Check it the fuck out:  

If so what does my admiration say about me? She is unquestionably the villain of the film? Why do I choose her as the favorite?

You know, I really loved Johnny at first. Everything’s changed. I need more from life than what Johnny can give me. Suddenly my eyes are wide open and I can see everything so clearly. I want it all.

If he can’t give me what I want, somebody else will.

You have to take as much as you can. You have to live, live, live.

I don’t see what the big deal is. Doesn’t everybody look out for number one? Don’t I deserve the best?

There is no baby. I told him that to make it interesting. We’re probably going to have a baby eventually anyway.

I am not responsible for Johnny. I’m through with that. I’m changing. I have the right, don’t I? People are changing all the time. I have to think about my future. What’s it to you?

Do I identify with Lisa? If so, why? Is it because she’s supposed to be representative of all woman and I’m compelled to argue against the really sexist idea of that while still obeying the framework of the movie? Or is it foreshadowing of future villainy? Foreshadowing is after all significant? Is my pursuit of personal agency evil? 

Hot take: Lisa and Lola are the same character except one is a fish from Shark Tale and the other is Lisa from The Room.

This is ominous. 

[sexandthecityandme-blog]

Episode One - Sex and the City (Pilot)

Once upon a time, a 25-year-old girl from Southern California found herself single, phoneless, and shopping for half-off lace bras on a Friday night. 

That girl...was me. Hey there!

Sure, I’d usually try to plan to be somewhere cooler on a Friday night, and yeah, I’d love to be dating someone, but the reality is that none of this was exceptionally out of the ordinary...except the part about me being phoneless—that was odd. 

Odd because: A.) It’s 2017. No one is phoneless. B.) I’m obsessed with my phone. There’s a lot happening on Twitter these days! C.) I don’t even have a good story about how I lost my phone. I just LOST it on a perfectly normal day. It might’ve fallen out of my lap when I got out of the car, it might’ve fallen out of my bag while I was at the beach...it was misplaced in a spectacularly boring fashion. 

Either way, I’d purposely put off getting a new one and left myself in a phoneless state for four days, telling most people it was “on the fritz,” because just being phoneless? That’s odd. And in going off the grid, I’d gone slightly off the rails. In the past four days, I’d

bought a set of tarot cards created by a woman named, I shit you not, the White Witch of L.A.

listened to a LOT of Crystal Castles

masturbated 3 times

worn a silk robe to work (over a tank top)

Hurricane Harvey had just past, Hurricane Jose was barreling down, Hurricane Irma was here. “TIME IS RUNNING OUT” the homepage of Weather.com was screaming at Floridians. The Northwest was on fire. Bangladesh was underwater. Oh! Trump was, and still is, presi[gag]dent. 

And I’m wearing silk robes and shopping for lace bras. Masturbatory! In every sense of the word.

To make matters worse, somewhere between the rack of Heidi Klum-brand bras and the rack of Wonderbras, I had the AUDACITY to think to myself, “What bra size am I, really? And which Sex and the City character would I be right now?”

…And then I quickly and devastatingly realized I was none of them. Charlotte would never be irresponsible enough to lose her phone, Carrie would shop at La Perla, and Miranda…OK, it actually seemed like kind of a Miranda thing to do. Maybe I was a Miranda? 

Anyways, Samantha wouldn’t touch any of it with a ten-foot pole, which depressed the hell out of me. In my younger days (and by that, I mean as a 14-year-old watching heavily edited versions of SATC on TBS), I’d wanted to be a Samantha. I didn’t totally understand her whole vibe (because again, heavily edited episodes), but I knew that she was *sassy* and didn’t seem to take any shit.

After that, 20-year-old me decided I wanted to be Carrie: I ran my school’s weekly sex column (despite having only had sex with a whopping total of six men), started casually smoking cigarettes, and dreamed of moving to New York. 

None of that really played out.

But if we were doing a ~five-year check-in....14-year-old me wanted to be a Samantha, and 20-year-old me wanted to be Carrie—what did 25-year-old me want? And really, wasn’t this a deeply stupid question?? And, really, how could I know the answer to this stupid question when I’d only seen the terrible movies and maybe 15 episodes, tops???

Anyways, I decided that in my current single state, the best thing to do would be to rewatch the whole series, see if any of it held up, and pray my life got interesting enough to do some Carrie Bradshaw-style musing on the side. 

A few weeks ago, a fellow writer told me she’d interviewed a Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist, who’d told her that her biggest regret in life was not journaling more. This was a woman who’d made a career of entering war zones, pining about forgetting to fucking journal. 

Naturally, me and my writer friend decided this would be the year that we’d make an effort to keep track of our lives. And this is is how I’m going to do it.

There are 94 episodes of Sex and the City; I’ll try to watch about two episodes per week and keep up this project for the next year or so...or however long it takes! And I’ll probably watch those terrible movies, because like any girl, I FUCKING LOVE that scene where Carrie tries on all the wedding dresses.

Yes, New York, it was finally time for me to tackle the age-old question: 

Could an old Clinton/Bush-era show keep up with new tricks? Could a self-proclaimed 2017 Feminist worried about falling wages and that fucker Mike Pence taking away her reproductive rights lose herself in a frivolous show about sex and fashion???!

Or something like that. I live in Orange County, what do I know. OH, and I haven’t had sex in over a year.

Sooooooo..yeah! Now I’m sitting in bed in one of my cheap new lacy bras, queuing up SATC while eating a pumpkin scone and drinking a Ballast Point Mango Even Keel like a reeeeeal basic bitch. 

But just for the record, since no one’s around to confirm or deny: this lacy half-priced bra is doing fucking WONDERS for my boobs.

Let’s. Begin.

Episode One - Sex and the City (Pilot)

OK, I didn’t think I’d need you guys to watch along with me, but guys: I know all of y’all locked down someone’s ex-boyfriend’s mom’s HBOGO password to watch Game of Thrones, so PLEASE go watch this ep so you can understand what I’m about to say:

This series, one of the most iconic of ALL TIME, opens with “Once upon a time...” and then a TERRIBLE story about some girl from London getting stood up by a man in New York. 

AND the worst part is that this girl? CLEARLY? has an AUStRALIAN accent??!> 

Our OG British heroine Elizabeth (WHO WE NEVER SEE AGAIN) pronounces this, “Oy don’t unduhsteeeend.” I AM SHOOK. BRITISH MY ARSE.

IMPORTANT!!! THIS is how we’re introduced to Carrie Bradshaw:

I can’t believe I didn’t buy cigarettes for this!

And after dramatically stamping out her cig, she launches into this gem: 

“The end of love in Manhattan. Welcome to the Age of Uninnocence. No one has breakfast at Tiffany’s, and no one has affairs to remember...Cupid has flown the co-op. (then, directly to camera) How the hell did we get into this mess???”

That....is not great. But! I FORGOT SHE BREAKS THE FOURTH WALL AND TALKS TO CAMERA IN S1. Frank Underwood, get fucked—what you’re doing ain’t new, ya toxic white male.

Young Me didn’t know about Shine Theory and T Swift fake feminism, and I unabashedly hated Charlotte. 2017 Me is much more woke but...it is still very difficult for me to...support Charlotte. 

Her opening line is, “Men are threatened by successful women. If you want to get these guys, you have to keep your mouth shut, and play the rules.” 

I know that she’s probably technically right, but also... I HAVE NEVER DISAGREED WITH ANYTHING MORE IN MY ENTIRE LIFE.

(Also: Charlotte YORK?! Y’all gonna write a series about NEW YORK CITY and name a main character York. C’mon Candace Bushnell, boo, you’re better than that, right?)

“What women really want is Alec Baldwin!” a very unimpressive white male specimen just squawked at the camera for no reason. 

The first time we meet Samantha, she advocates having sex like a man: sex with no strings—or feelings—attached.

14-year-old me was like, “HELL YEAH GIRL THAT’S WHAT I’M TALKIN’ ABOUT. ALSO WHAT’S SEX LIKE.” 

Aaaaaand 25-year-old me doesn’t feel much differently.

“The right guy is an illusion—start living your life!” —Samantha Jones

So Carrie does it! And she does it in the most delightful way! She lets an ex eat her out, and when he pokes his stupid head up out of the sheets to groan, “My turn,” she *kisses him on the forehead* and leaves. *Chef’s kiss!*

She leaves feeling “powerful, potent, and incredibly alive”...

...and then, because women can never win, and must always be punished for our actions in one way or another, she drops the contents of her purse on the ground, and is humiliated when a hot stranger (BIG) picks up a roll of condoms and hands them to her. Fuck that blushing; good on ‘ya for being prepared, Carrie.

Me one second: You know, I don’t think being a Miranda is terrible! All men ARE assholes!!

Me one second later: Oh Jesus Christ, Miranda is harsh as hell

Later in the episode, Carrie realizes that somehow men like it even more when we decide to have sex without feelings...and suddenly, men win, again. 

“Did all men want their women promiscuous and unattached? Why didn’t I feel more in control?” 

This is the part I must’ve missed. In my years of idolizing the Samanthas, the Rozs, the Elaines, telling my college-self that sex without feelings was the way to go, that dating a lot of men would be adventurous and FUN™, this is the part I could never get a hold of: when you’ve convinced yourself that you’re strong enough to detach from everything, sometimes you really are strong enough to do it! But sometimes, you’re lying.

Well, after that hard-hitter, time to escape back into the show, and—OH NO. Big just got introduced as the “NEXT DONALD TRUMP except younger and much better looking.” Welp, now I’ll never be able to root for him again.

The Donald Trump thing does not completely step on the catharsis of watching this episode, though. That catharsis comes from the relentless tearing down of 90% of mediocre white men we encounter throughout the pilot. 

After Charlotte turns down sex with this guy (whose name is CAPOTE DUNCAN because of course it is lord help us), he gets into her cab, gives the cabbie the address of a club, and says:  

No one’s actually this terrible IRL, but I LOVE that if we’re gonna make someone overtly horrid to signal to the audience that they are the WORST type of human, it’s the Eric-Trump-lookin’ ass white dude named CAPOTE.

“And so, another Friday night in Manhattan crept towards dawn...”

And as Big creeps up to Carrie in his town car and (?!) instructs his driver to honk at her on the street at 3 a.m. (?!), it *dawns* on me: 

FUCK, he really does remind me of Donald Trump!

Here are the words he says to Carrie during their first real conversation:

“Get in, for chrissakes.”

“You mean like a hooker?”

“You’re not like that.”

“You’ve never been in love.”

He condescends and embarrasses the hell out of her...and she’s smitten.

And I get it. 

I mean, I absolutely get it on a personal level, as a girl who’s been “He’s Just Not That Into You” levels of attracted to someone whose teasing I took to be flirting. More than once.

But also...leaning into the Donald Trump comparison a little hard here, on a larger level... That’s how Tr*** succeeded, right? By tearing us down again and again, making us feel bad about ourselves, just like every shitty man ever, just so he could position himself as someone who could come in and help us (the “us” here is a general “us”; I certainly didn’t buy that shit). 

He fucking NEGGED us, and so did Big. And it worked for both of them. 

Big is the only rich white man in this episode who isn’t relentlessly dunked on, even though he seems to be just as terrible as Byron Fingerbottom or whatever that last guy’s name was. My official position on this as of episode one? FUCK BIG. And FUCK all rich white men. And also, DON’T fuck rich white men, EVER.

By god, watching this series actually might be harder than I thought.

Finally, I need you guys to know that they hold this shot

FOR FOUR WHOLE FUCKING SECONDS 

and then the episode fades out!!!!!! WHAT. HOW DID THIS PILOT EVER GET PICKED UP.

Episode 1 Wrap-up

Best line: “Abso-fuckin-lutely.” —Big, whom I detest at this moment

Best look: The fashion in the pilot is disappointing as hell! Everyone wears plain black dresses all episode. There is ONE mention of Manolo Blahnik, and it’s not even in reference to a pair of shoes Carrie owns/is currently buying. The most exciting things that happen outfit-wise are the above peek of leopard, Miranda’s ridiculous commitment to huge white collars peeking out of everything...and this ephemeral ray of light:

Carrie, hair thrown up, in something that looks like a men’s pajama shirt, eating a carton of chocolate ice cream. 

As I sit here putting the finishing touches on this blog, also wearing blue men’s pajamas (v cheap and v much from Primark) and hand jewelry, inexplicably, with my hair thrown up, eating a bowl of Cocoa Krispies (I just started my period k) in a bougie apartment that I’m paying WAY too much for, I couldn’t help but wonder....

Was I actually already more of a Carrie than I’d thought?

Perhaps, there was hope for me yet.

Eh. Perhaps not.