#but I obviously was not expecting it to be like a literal replay if the entire thing

[andrwgarfields]

its the way yuzuru reclaimed his Beijing 2022 (hole in the ice) performance, complete with the voiceover, the 6 minute warmup, his pooh and juice accompanying him…talk about a new level of healing ❤️‍🩹

[radio-fmm]

A princess armor

Zoro x princess!reader

afab reader, fluff, mentions of misogyny in reader’s past

1.5k words

Tagging: @alucardsdaddyissues

When you heard about some group of pirates docking on your island you didn’t quite expected them to rescue you, after all, you hated to be seen as a damsel in distress

Nonetheless,there was nothing wrong in asking for help. And hell you needed it

Being born a woman and the only heir to your fathers throne had turned your life into a living hell since you can recall; overlooked, treated like a decoration only expected to marry rich and powerful, your father ever cold and absent hated your mere existence, a remainder of his failure to continue his strong lineage because no matter what you did you were never enough

And hell you had worked so hard to impress that old man; you were a remarkable fencer, excelling in every topic of conversation you had been educated in, always being praised by your strategy abilities and expected to be the perfect queen by this alone. The list of your achievements was long, an overachiever if you will… but he never cared, what can any of that be of use in the body of a woman?

You hid your emphatic and kind heart under a strong cold armor to protect yourself from the cruel world around you; still, Monkey D. Luffy was able to tear trough it, offering him and his crew a sympathetic hand

You thought you were helping them, turns out they were helping you. The moment the colorful crew heard about your life behind the walls of the castle and your fathers evil empire, they didn’t hesitate in taking you in, after all you had been more than helpful and kind

So you escaped joining them as the strategist and diplomat for the crew, finally free from expectations, slowly taking your armor off before it had rusted into you forever

“What can a princess know about fighting anyway?” Zoro’s voice is sharp and quick to ambush you, you wished his opinion about you didn’t mattered, but as you are about to set sail by his side you can’t help the need to defend your case climbing quickly to your tongue

“I’ve been educated by the greatest warriors and strategist in my kingdom as I was expected to rule my nation one day”- every single word leaves your mouth like butter, an ease and confidence the swordsman perhaps didn’t expect from someone with your background, you stand proud with eyes that pierce right trough his being and eyebrows scrunched down without a drop of a doubt making him shiver.- “Believe me Mr. Roronoa, I am more than capable”

And that was no lie. Every since your arrival to the crew, the strawhats found themselves winning their battles with much ease and organization; the number of injuries after battle dropped immensely, your time in the battlefield reduced in half and no one was getting lost, the latter being resolved by planting you beside the stubborn green haired swordsman that was obviously not happy about this new routine

“Stop following me, princess” he grumbled, your step quickening at the same rythm as his which was quite the hassle from your part considering one step from Zoro was two of your own

“Stop calling me that”- your hand flies to grab on his shirt, your touch stiffening every muscle on his back and his heart skipping a beat, a feeling unwelcome and alien. As uneasy as he felt, his step never falters leading you behind him as you trot around the streets, annoyance clear on your face.- “As much as I want to continue my errands without you, I don’t want you getting lost around here, this is not a welcoming place for pirates and your face is quite recognizable”

His walking finally comes to a halt, making you quite literally crash behind him a yelp of surprise escaping through your lips.- “Fine” he finally relents

Zoro replays that evening in his head over and over as he peeks down from the crows nest, it was the first time you made his stomach turn and this strange warmth extend trough his body, and he still wonders why. While Usopp and Luffy play cards, he watches as you take the cards that the sniper was hiding on the back of his overalls making Luffy get up and bash on him as you laugh. The sound even tough muffled by the glass makes him smile, that same feeling he recalled moments ago blooming in his being once again, but he now welcomes it

So he wonders what would it take him to impress you, to make you want him as much as he wants you, you’re royalty after all. The stories of the suitors that had knocked at your door with gifts and promises still on the back of his mind sour and venomous, he compared himself to them and it dawned on him the act that he had nothing to offer you, other than his own life, was that enough for you?

Little did he know you were trying to impress him since day 1 on the ship, training day and night to earn his respect and admiration which best believe you already got more than that, yet you seemed to find yourself repeating the same pattern of your old life

“You did great back there” Zoro commented one time, before taking a swing from his beer. You turned your attention to him, admiring the way his earrings glistened with the light of the bar, a smile quick to spread on your face that you erased as fast as it came, not wanting to give yourself away

“Really? Thanks” even though your tone was nonchalant and casual your insides did a 360, relishing on your victory, after spending the last few months over training like a maniac and studying more fencing techniques had finally earned you a compliment, his compliment

Zoro’s eyes go over and over your form, as if trying to keep it in his memory to admire you even when you weren’t there which could be much easier, since the mere thought of you made him stumbling. As if in command, you look up to the crows nest, your gaze locking with his for a fleeting moment that makes Zoro loose track of thought, you offer him a sweet smile and a tiny wave which he answers by freezing for a while, then scowling and turning away from the window

Oh god

The thing about this whole tangle of gazes, feelings and smiles was that Zoro could not figure you out; you were a mystery, a concept that he can’t quite grasp even after months of knowing you and quite literally living with you on the sea. You had the elegance and gentleness of a princess out of a romance book, and the bravery and might of a warrior, all of that wrapped around your wit and beauty that had him losing his breath

He felt useless

His mind drifting to images of you while he trained, dreams by your side slipping on his sleep, his eyes glued to you in the battle field, his heart singing your name at any change it got

What can he could possibly give you that you don’t already have?

“Boo!!!”- Your voice startles him pulling him out of his daze, something he was certainly not used to, his eyes jump to your face painted with a big smile as you giggle at his expense.- “Got ya”

You sit delicately by his side, still giggling while he clicks his tongue to express his annoyance.- “That’s not really princess of you to do” you frown at the title just as he expected, his scowl turning into a proud smirk

“Stop calling me that” you turn to face the window behind both of you, looking over the deck

“Hiding from someone?” Zoro comments although he already has an idea

“Let’s just say Usopp doesn’t quite like being called out on his cheating” a honest loud laugh rumbled from the bottom of the swordsman chest, eliciting a bright smile from you, It is this moments that you treasure, moments that feed on your heart that had long belonged to him without even knowing it

The sunset beams that color the sky crash on your features, brightening your presence making Zoro’s mind wonder once again. He couldn’t understand how could you take him out of it by simply being, his eyes take another round around you, stopping at your plump lips. A new feeling takes over him, it makes his chest heavy and his breath erratic as he stops himself from crashing into them. Suddenly his doubts puddled as you sink at his side, a playful glint in your eye as his heart clenched at the thought of you seeking him while looking after a safe place

He may not be royalty, have absolutely nothing but his katanas to his name but he’ll bend the world backwards for you, and something tells him you don’t want all that fancy shit other men could offer you, you want genuine love, real love. So he savors the quiet in your company up on the crows nest, slowly letting both of you guards down to embrace each other, the armor that you once hid behind long discarded leaving you bear and free

Because whats more romantic than that?

Masterlist

[silksongeveryday]

Drawing Hornet everyday until Silksong comes out - Day 365!

1 year! One whole year of daily doodles!!

Honestly?? Idk how to feel, so much has happened since I first started this blog.

I guess I’ll just write what I’m thinking right now??

(Everything under the cut, this thing is longer than I expected)

A lot of this text probably isn’t going to make sense. I’m writing this at 1 am. If there’s any mistakes or errors that’s why. I’ll fix them in the morning maybe.

So like. This whole thing kinda started as a joke, I wasn’t intending to actually draw for a year straight lmao. Like I even used a completely different art style from my regular one that was simple, quick and intentionally dumb. Not that I’m upset by it, I’m actually quite proud of myself that I managed to stick to something for an entire year. That’s pretty unusual for me believe it or not. My original intention was to stop at maybe 20 days because I really wasn’t expecting for this blog to get as much love as it did.

So, from the bottom of my heart, thank you so so much to everyone who has followed and supported this silly little idea I had, you guys are the biggest reason my experience has been so positive and worth it. (Sure it’s not original but I hope it’s at least been interesting!)

I’ve said this a few times now but I’ve mentioned wanting to take a break. I’ll admit that even though it’s been fun it’s still pretty tiring to keep up with this blog sometimes since some recent life events have made it so hard. After some thought, I’ve decided that I’ll likely take a break sometime in the coming months. Maybe toward day 400 or so. As of right now, things are at a lull so I’ve been okay enough mentally and physically to keep up this daily streak I think. Though this could change in an instant for whatever reason.

Overall I think my burnout has kind of gone away I think?? Or at least I’ve been reinvigorated recently after replaying a few runs of hk randomizer and steel soul. No promises it’ll stay away but I silly expect it to come in waves.

Ok but call me crazy or delusional or whatever, but my hopes are up that Silksong will release this year. (which means slowing down/not doing daily doodles yay) I genuinely believe big news is coming since I’ve been getting a lot of dreams lately about something happening with Silksong in March. Idk, I could be wrong but after doing this for a year I’m literally clinging onto anything right now lol

I’d obviously still make the occasional doodle or two when HKSS releases but not daily. This stuff is tough to keep up sometimes, I would never do daily posts like this again once it’s over

Oh yeah also I have an actual big drawing I’m still working on, expect that in sometime in the next few weeks I think!

Anyway, I can’t think of anything else to say right now so I guess that’s it for now!

Thanks so much and here’s to more doodles!

[somewhat-insane]

Kinda request? You can denial if you don't like.

Sun Wukong x Male!Reader

Just reader take control of everything and shower the king with love hc

Ooo~ Yes! I need more x Male!Reader things in the fandom. Unfortunately, I have no idea how to write gendered readers so I don't think there's actually any implication the reader is male but- just believe I had a Male!Reader in mind- (I hope I understood the request correctly-)

~Sun Wukong x Male!Reader ~

Tags: Ooc, fluff

!!Warnings!!: Wukong's my favorite character so I kinda lost control of this one a bit so just- manage your expectations, mentally ill monkey doesn't know how to be normal about emotions

Doesn't really know how to react at first when you scratch behind his ears and groom his fur and squish his cheeks

He's the monkey king after all! The Great Sage; Equal to heaven! He can't break just because someone treats him with "love" and "care" pfft... but also, don't stop

He's not used to people being so... forward with him in this way

Sure, he's used to MK's enthusiasm and even Mei's impulsive rage, but, aside from a hug here and there, he's not used to such blunt affection

Emotional rollercoaster

"Obviously you love me! I'm the monkey king! ... But also, why don't you hate me?"

He's pretty suspicious for a while but tries to hide it in front of the others

He'll drop passive-aggressive hints but won't be outwardly rude UNLESS you meet his energy in which case he will start being blunt and insult you to your face (though, at this point I'm like 90% sure he's trying to flirt but not even he knows. He just likes going back and forth with you; though he sometimes gets genuinely upset, especially if you mention his past or mental state. He'll sulk for a while but then he gets an idea for a good comeback and is back to his old self)

How and why you show him love will determine how quickly he gets vulnerable with you

If you're gentle with him and just genuinely want to show him love and care, then I'd give him anywhere between a week and a month

One day you do one loving thing too many and he snaps

Literally

You're just letting him lay his head on your shoulder while you play with his hair and suddenly he's snarling and baring his teeth demanding that you tell him what you're planning

"You must be planning something! Otherwise, why would you be doing all this nice stuff and act so affectionate?"

After arguing with him and trying to calm him down, he starts crying and, congrats! Now you have to comfort a crying, immortal, murder monkey who is clinging to you like you'll disappear

After that, I wouldn't say he fully believes you--he'll always be subconsciously waiting for you to betray him--but he does start seeking you out and letting you love on him (and now he returns the affection!)

On the other hand, if you just show him affection to tease him, it could take years for him to fully trust you

Kind of an enemies-to-lovers type thing except the enemy part is kind of one-sided (unless it's not and you hate him and I have to ask, why do you hate him he is literally the best boi-... that may or may not be a murderer but that's unrelated -3-)

He'll lay awake at night replaying times you've made him blush and he'll just be cursing at himself for all the weird feelings you make him feel

He'll go from "knowing you're just teasing and teasing back" to "believing you're teasing and wishes you weren't" to finally "GOd DAMNIT JUST KISS ME ALREADY YOU HANDSOME IDIOT"

Once you get over the trust hurdle, he'll definitely take advantage

Clingy (he could only hold back his inner monkey for so long and now he has to be touching you in some way, shape, or form every second of the day)

The moment you sit down he is in your lap and begging you for affection

Whines... all the time

"Nooooooooo, don't get out of bed, you haven't given me enough pats yet."

Won't let you leave until you give him a bunch of kisses

Uh-oh. Now he's cocky and will show off

It takes a while, but eventually, you have a clingy monkey who melts at your touch.

~

I'm sorry this took so long- As I stated earlier, Wukong's my favorite and I just- I could talk about him forever-

[lucindigo]

So I may or may not have been fantasizing about Alhaitham catching us pleasuring ourselves.

(I’m just getting the basic idea down here without much thought it’s literally 3 am, don’t judge me. This isn’t the final product obviously but still, a very rough draft just like how sex with- I’m sorry for being a slut for fictional men. Not actually sorry tho)

So like hear me out:

There’s been some sexual tension between you and Alhaitham for a while now…

(Good friends became roommates then became lovers but haven’t done anything sexual yet, thinking “they’ll make a move when they’re ready”)

Bro just got home came to tell you something but just kinda barged in. You didn’t realize quite yet because you’re too caught up in the pleasure.

Covering your mouth to muffle the moans just in case he gets home earlier than expected, also so he doesn’t hear you moaning his name in case you do.(spoiler, he’s in the doorway and he’s heard you moan his name twice now)

He imagines his dick in place of your fingers for a few seconds, Alhaitham’s pants are getting a bit too tight for comfort.

You’re really close now like not even a second away, and as you start shifting and shaking more you turn your head towards the doorway. The shock of seeing Alhaitham there makes your whole body jolt and the sudden sensation pushed you over the edge.

Still shaking from the orgasm you scramble for your blanket to cover yourself up with, you’re not completely sure what to do or say cuz he definitely saw it. You can’t talk your way out of this one.

Alhaitham is still standing in the doorway completely frozen contrary to his burning red face. He wants to give you privacy yet he also wants to see more?

It’s been 30 seconds of silence since he saw you fall apart. The sounds and visuals keep replaying in his mind, he absolutely needs to hear and see all of that again. He wants to feel it happen as he listens to you moan his name.

At this point his pants are strangling him, he’d rather have your pussy strangling his cock. Alhaitham thinks about how squishy and wet you’d feel around him compared to his pants, he’s about to tear them off at this point. He just wants you under him, to feel your warmth and kiss you.

“Please..”

Looking up at him still flushed but now with hints of confusion. He takes a few steps towards you without realizing.

“Let me make you feel good.. I can make you scream louder than your fingers ever could.”

Your jaw drops at this comment, but holy fuck did you just win the lottery or something? Did god want you to stop being an atheist so badly that they blessed you with this offer?

Alhaitham realizes what he’s said and promptly raises his hand to cover his mouth. Did he just cross the line there? He heard you moan his name but maybe you’re not ready for the real thing yet.

“Ah- I…”

He’s about to turn around and excuse himself until you grab onto his clothes with the hand not holding up your blanket.

“Only if you promise to be gentle…”

Now, how could he ever dream of even tearing a petal of such a delicate flower.

[athforskz]

More Random Ult Kpop Group Questions: SKZ Version!

I did something like this a while ago when I first started this blog. So it’s time for another round! Questions below the cut I'm marking as MDNI. Like before, feel free to use this template of questions for your own ult group & tag me (and some friends if ya like). I love to see everyone’s responses 🤗

Dumbest thing you believed as a new fan?

Oof… there’s a few things I fell for as a baby stay, technically I still am a baby stay I think, BUT here’s my uhhh list: 

I thought Hyunjin had an identical twin brother.. 🫣 wait WAIIIT before you come at me, there was a rumor/joke going around at the time and obviously I didn’t know any better, so I believed it. There were even really good edits of Jinnie and his “twin” too. Then when I watched interviews where Hyunjin said he was an only child I was like ???? but eventually I figured it out.

I thought the sunshine twins were legitimately twins (they are) . Like biologically. Wtf is up with me believing twin things??

At first, I could NOT for the life of me tell the difference between Lee Know and Jeongin. No joke thought they were the same person. Which looking back on this one… how could I ever have trouble with them? They literally look nothing alike in facial structure and sound completely different in the way they talk & sing. Only thing they’re the same in is their menace behavior. 

2. Favorite duo/ship?

Usually not a shipper type of person but in regard to favorite friendship dynamic in skz, it’s gotta be SeungChan. Just watch this and there’s my reason why. Jilix is a close second because, again, sunshine twins. Followed by MinChan because watching Lee Know with his only hyung is so precious.

3. Favorite Racha (or other mini group within the whole group)? 

MeanRacha (Minho, Seungmin, & I.N) One of these 3 is literally always up to something. Causing chaos when you least expect it. The phrase “Lee Know is linoing” has become a favorite of mine because it always means he’s doing some menace antics again.

4. Favorite unreleased song?

There was a song that Hyunjin and Chan recorded years ago that Chan supposedly lost. We got a snippet of it and when I heard it I went feral because like Red Lights part 2???! PLEASE I NEED THIS SONG LIKE I NEED AIR! Chan like wtf do you mean you lost the track?! FIND IT. RECORD IT AGAIN. 

Also, all the solo performances they did at the opening concert in Seoul for the DominATE tour. Yeah, I need all those unreleased songs to be RELEASED right tf now. Give us another Replay album! And Chan… ykw let me shut up and be good for once, but I just wanna say THE GRASS AINT WORKING 

5. Favorite old song of theirs? Favorite song from their most recent project?

HEYDAY by 3racha. The whole song is a vibe but Jisung’s lazy rap when he first starts his part just does something to me 😩 

In regard to the whole group, I’d say the song 'YAYAYA' is one of my go-to jams from their older stuff. I love the tempo changes, scratches my brain in a good way.

Now as for the new album “ATE” this may be controversial to say but “I like it” is my favorite. It’s just so catchy!

6. Has your bias/bias line changed?

Since the last time I did this, yes and no? I mean as I’ve grown more as a stay I can confidently say OT8! But if I was forced to choose I say Hyunjin no surprise there and Minho.

7. What about your wreckers?

Chan continues to wreck me every. single. day. Like it’s truly insane, that man KNOWS what he’s doing. I’d also like to add that I.N has been wrecking me left and right the last few months which I blame his hyungs for that. 

NOW FOR THE UNHINGED QUESTIONS!

Please skip this portion if it makes you uncomfortable. This is the delulu brain talking. 

8. Which member are you attracted to the most physically? What about emotionally?

Physically I’m going to say OT8! Like have you seen those MEN?! I would be lucky to even get a crumb from them like bffr. Changbin, Hyunjin & Minho

Emotionally probably Changbin & Chan. From the glimpses we get of their true feelings & perspectives on things I relate to them the most. Honorable mention for this one will be Hyunjin because he’s such a romantic and I wanna say Seungmin too. I feel like before we didn’t get to see a lot of Seungmin ‘off camera’ per se, but with his [Song by] series we get to see more of his real personality and thoughts.

9. If you ever actually had the chance, who do you think you’d work out in a long-term relationship with (please remember the first rule of Kpop)? 

Probably, Changbin. Mans is a walking green flag. He’s a good listener, considerate of other’s feelings while still being honest. Always there for you. Funny af too. Overall, considering how I am as a person I think, Changbin would just be a good match for me. Like in my delulu brain me and Binnie would have that friends to lovers trope going for us. Even my dearest honey bun thinks so, she did write about it for me afterall💕 

10. A favorite kink of yours and member to fit that kink?

To keep it somewhat light in the kink department I’m going to go with hands. And a member to fit it the best, aka who I think has the most attractive hands will go to Jeongin. Innie has giant and such well structured hands. Rings sit so pretty on his fingers too which makes me feral. Like AHHDKSISVJKDW please grip my wrists and throat sir! *ahem* I mean, please let’s hold hands 🫶🏽 

Honorable hands mention will go to Minho because the veins on that man’s hands are just so ✨🥴

11. Favorite sluttiest choreography/move they’ve done?

Damn do I have a lot for this one *cracks knuckles*

The choreo for Silent Cry. Need I say more?

Anytime Hyunjin body rolls

Every single hip thrust/roll from Minho

The “POPPIN 🗣️” part in Maniac, especially when Binnie does it.

That one part in Charmer. Y’all know exactly what part I’m talking about.

Red lights. Need I say more, pt 2

The entire choreo for Taste. Bonus points to Minho when he did the special stage where he’s fucking hip thrusting from the side (I hope y’all know which one I’m mentioning here)

12. Most unhinged fic or edit you have enjoyed of them?

There’s a lot for this question too but I’ll keep it short. I’ll start with unhinged fics. I enjoy dark themes because let’s face it. Trauma. Please be warned these fics aren’t for the faint of heart, so if you read them, be warned. Some are lighter than others, but please read warnings!

Game Over feat. Seungmin & I.N by @sanakimohara

Games feat. I.N by @dandelions-143

Chemical Infatuation feat. Han by @hanjisick

ABANB series feat. OT8! by @doitforbangchan

The SKZ House series feat. Chan & Hyunjin by @writeonwhiskey

As for edits, there are even more that I enjoy. But I’ll only choose 1 for the sake of time and it’s only letting me attach one video.

Alright, that’s it! Thanks for reading if you stuck it out this far! I really didn't intend for it to be this long but it was so fun that I got carried away. Now for tags, I’ll go with my typical beautiful babes @doitforbangchan @jehhskz @torialefay + anyone else who wants to join!

[hannahbarberra162]

As unlikely as it is, now I'm just thinking about someone trying to assassinate the reader in an attempt to sabotage Whitebeard's recovery. Whether it's someone who somehow knows of you coming across you one of the few times you're allowed off the ship(with supervision of course) or if it's Teach trying to kill you after Thatch so Pops will be weaker for Marineford

You nonnies are so talented!! You’re making me wanna write more of the story. I didn’t plan for more than this one shot so if I do I’m gonna have to think about the story arc. 

There’s no way Marco is letting you off that ship. Maybe if you held hands the entire time (yandere when?). You’re literally Whitebeard’s lifeline, you’re the most precious thing on that ship. That being said, I could see your idea being one of two things.

Blackbeard, like you mentioned. He would try for sure to weaken WB through some kind of underhanded dealing. That’s his style throughout the story. I don't know if he would have enough time between killing Thatch / getting away but he's crafty so maybe.

Assassins from Donquixote Doflamingo. There’s a theory (which I support) that WB’s medicine was supplied from Joker / Doflamingo.  So Doflamingo might hear through an insider that you’re helping WB’s recovery with your blood. Doflamingo obviously isn’t coming himself, not his style. He wouldn’t send someone who was notably connected to his crew - he’s not going to provoke WB outright. But he'd send someone strong to try his luck.

If someone tries, the WB crew is going to go ballistic. First of all, you’re needed for Pops's sake, so messing with you is messing with WB. Also, it’s like kicking a puppy. You’re defenseless and just a civilian who didn’t ask to be on their ship. But you’re their defenseless civilian. So expect a full retaliation from an Emperor’s crew.

You were shaking uncontrollably, still curled up in Marco’s arms. Even though the attack had probably lasted less than a minute, you couldn’t stop replaying the moments over and over in your head. You’d been reclining in your chair, like always, arm outstretched as blood was taken from your arm. You’d been reading quietly, enjoying your new story about escaping from a guarded tower. You coughed once, trying to clear your throat from something that had started bothering it. Coughing didn’t help so you took a sip of water from your cup. That made everything worse, you were gasping for air, unable to breathe. It felt like your throat was closing quickly, leaving no room for air to enter as you tried to get in a breath of air. You twisted around, ripping the IV out of your arm, trying to get in a better position to breathe. You felt like you were drowning without being in the water as spots started forming in your vision. Outside of the window you saw an unfamiliar face making some kind of movement with his hands. He was watching you disinterestedly, like your death was something that needed to be checked off a to do list. 

You were on the verge of passing out when blue flames entered your peripheral vision. A moment later and your throat opened, allowing you to take in gulps of air. You sucked in as much as you could, trembling with the effort. Soon you felt Marco’s hands roving over your body, checking you for damage.

“It’s alright, you’re going to be ok. Take a deep breath yoi.” You couldn’t - you couldn’t get enough air in and what if you stopped breathing again it felt like you were dying. You felt Marco pick you up and situated you on his lap as he sat himself on the floor. He held you and rubbed your back, trying to get you to breathe deeply. You’d never been so close to Marco before, he was warmer than you expected. After a while your breathing deepened and you belatedly realized you were covered in blood from when you ripped out the tubing.

“I’m sorry that happened to you yoi. It won’t happen again.” 

“Who was that?” 

“Doesn’t matter now. Just focus on relaxing.” You tried your best but surviving your first assassination attempt was harrowing. A few moments later an angry Ace entered the room. “Full Commander meeting in five minutes. Exterior breach, devil fruit user. Prepare for escalation.” Marco fired off his statements to Ace, who nodded and left. “Don’t worry, we’ll take care of everything,” Marco said, planting a kiss on the top of your head to your surprise. “No one hurts our little bird.”

[lynx-doodles-indie-games]

minor and moderate worldless spoilers ahead! i really like this game so please play it so you can have the full context of my stupidity

this upload's gonna be a bit different, since i wanna talk about a Very Very Stupid Thing i did when i played worldless last month, and hopefully some of yall can enjoy me being the butt of the joke idk. minor spoilers are ahead, but i'll put the moderate spoilers under the cut below.

also because there isn't a better place to put this, the colors i used throughout these doodles are from sweetavery's zenith, it's an impeccable fit for this game!

so, picked up worldless last month and yet another game pestered me about playing on a controller as opposed to keyboard. "how dare!" i shouted at my computer, "for i have bested the pantheon of hallownest in hollow knight and make for a fine accomplice in rain world's jolly co-op with just a keyboard! i don't need a controller!"

well, to absolutely no one's surprise, the default keyboard layout SUCKS. but that's nothing a little rebinding can't fix. i messed around in the menus, experimented with what made the game feel mildly more comfortable to play, which worked for about twenty minutes.

so i haven't talked much about the story, yeah? well that's because this wrestling with the controls took up so much of my attention that i could barely clock in what was happening! so that when the above happened, well… you can see how well that went out.

i actually put the game down out of frustration because i was really excited for it and yet the controls were so obstinate. this was my first impression, and it… was not a great one, you can tell.

about a week later i was bored out of my mind and picked up the game again. i'd wondered if i should've started a new save or picked up where i left off. i wish i had done the former. because…

yeah, i'd gone off the intended path and ignored the objective because i'd literally forgotten what the game had told me it wanted me to do.

that's as much i'm willing to divulge to the people who want to play the game with as few spoilers as possible. moderate spoilers below.

rest assured, i'm getting a pair of controllers later this month. the transition is gonna be… rocky. i'd been meaning to get some for being able to play horizon zero dawn and hyper light drifter and other games of that caliber, but this experience with worldless urged that along faster. (i am not looking forward to relearning how to play hollow knight and rain world on a controller)

---

back to the game:

so yeah, even at this point, i had not connected the dots that the guy who beat me up was the same guy i was chasing across the map was the same guy i saw in that apparition was the same guy currently crouched in front of me. i get "early-game amnesia" every so often (ask me sometime about my experience with shovel knight this summer), but worldless has been the worst example of it happening to me, not helped by the awful controls distracting me in the opening, not playing it for a long enough time for my memory of the first twenty minutes to erode, and then returning to my old save file instead of starting up a new one.

i somehow blearghed my way into resolving the conflict peacefully, since i'd known the battles are a bit like puzzles and this one had given me the capability of using wisp's cry. so i did, thinking it was simply the resolution for the battle.

and this. this took me off-guard. but, obviously, not in the way the devs had expected. i didn't know who this guy was so suddenly playing as him was rather confusing.

which is a shame, really. i wish i'd restarted the game instead of picked up from my current save. i wish i could erase my memories of the game and replay it afresh (but with more optimal controls). i wish i'd gotten a controller before playing worldless.

but what's done is done. i wrestled the controls into something somewhat manageable. in the span of less than two weeks of active play, i'd beaten the game, found the secret boss, ascended the path of determination, and overcome the ultimate trial all on a keyboard.

dw tho, i eventually bonded with my beloved deuteragonist (dubbed him "coal" in contrast with the original deuteragonist "wisp"). i've drawn a ton of them in the past couple of weeks and i'm hoping to share em soon. gotta get the word about this game out somehow :D

idk how to end this lol

[kafus]

holy FUCKING shit i guess this was the perfect time to be replaying XY oh my GOD??????????? WHAT????????? POKEMON Z??? REAL??????????? WHAT THE FUCK?????????????????????

i wasn't expecting this at all like kalos wasn't even on my bingo card. on top of that they arent going to make shitty unova remakes AND IT'S COMING OUT NEXT YEAR WHICH MEANS THEY HAVE A LITTLE MORE TIME TO FUCKING WORK ON IT. OH MY GOD...

I'VE LITERALLY BEEN TALKING WITH MY FRIENDS FOR DAYS DURING THIS XY PLAYTHROUGH... ABOUT LIKE... HOW SAD I AM KALOS NEVER GOT WHAT IT DESERVED... A PROPER THIRD VERSION... AND XY ITSELF WAS OBVIOUSLY SO RUSHED...

I'M SO FUCKING HYPED DUDE

[promiscuousasexual]

lmao lee this was a literal shower thought i had in the middle of the night and since (to my knowledge anyway) you're my only mutual that's both a rosquez girlie (gn) and an este-stan so i knew you would understand

now let me be clear that brocedes is definitely the f1 equivalent of rosquez in terms of lore that makes you go 'what the actual FUCK'

but the actual 'hero worship → competing against each otheer → matching each other's freak → rivals because of matching each other's freak' rosquez dynamic? that's ferneste to a fucking t

LMFAOO HANNAH you are literally my favorite person ever i think you are also my only mutual who is an este-stan and a marc/rosquez girlie (gn)

you are literally so right though like i can’t believe i’ve never thought about it before. in terms of structure and relationship dynamics, this is spot on like you’re 100% correct. the whole never meet your heroes thing is so relevant in both situations akshdge that’s actually so insane😭now i want to them all in a room together just to see what happens

but obviously, as you said, nothing can compare to what actually went down. like that was INSANE. fernando and esteban are still talking and chatting and taking photos together. you will NEVER see that w rosquez, when you go back to old races post-2015, if these two shook hands after a race, you had about 192837 slo-mo replays of it and it would show up on every “previously” cut scene they made.

i’m p sure i saw someone else say this but at least i find brocedes easier to explain?? like it’s heartbreaking and AWFUL but childhood friends who fell out because they became sports rivals is something that i feel like most people would expect (even if there’s definitely more behind the scenes and it is so HEARTWRENCHING) but i can never being to explain what happened w rosquez cause even reading about it i was like “what the fuck” and i learn new things about it everyday. valentino i will show up to your house w a gun just you wait

[ewitsrin]

fuck you it's autistic infodumping time pokemon legends arceus spoilers under the cut

Volo is, for all intensive purposes, a complete idiot. Like. A TOTAL dumbass. A charming, manipulative dumbass, but a dumbass all the same.

Let's go over the easiest thing to point out first; If Arceus wasn't going to show up for the MC, its chosen hero, until they had "sought out all Pokémon", then it obviously wouldn't have shown up for this random blonde twink who decided that complete and utter global wide genocide was the solution to his problems. Even if he had won and gotten all of the plates and played the flute, Arceus would have taken one look at who was trying to summon it and went "wow okay, no." Why would God go "fuck, my literal child hero got defeated. guess i gotta bend to the will of this batshit insane dude with a shitty hairstyle and destroy everything i created." when it could just. Not do that.

Secondarily, by helping the MC in order to manipulate them into doing what he wanted later on, bro was basically giving them a loaded gun to use against him later. He's inadvertently the reason they managed to create the red chain, which eventually lead to them catching a literal God of their own. By the time he gets to the point where he betrays them, he has basically played a part in giving them access to 2 Gods and 3 Mythical, God-Like beings. Even if he wasn't expecting them to use them in the final fight, they'd still have the ability to whip them out whenever they so pleased. He might of had Giratina, but now they have access to two of Arceus's favored children *and* the lake guardians. Bro did not think that through.

Finally, and might I add, another obvious point; he. he could have just. not revealed his big plan to the MC prior to taking the plates? like. if he said "may I see the plates? I have an idea!" they probably would have handed them over. maybe not, but telling them that he was about to kill them and everyone that they loved before at least trying that was. not very smart. him being completely and utterly confident in his ability to defeat them as well despite the revelation of his true intentions was also not smart. he watched this kid blaze through the whole region, befriend gods, and tame gigantic beasts, and thought "no yeah my demon worm has this in the BAG." like ok sweetie. whatever you say.

tldr volo is a big dummy. also i haven't actually replayed the game in a while so maybe i got some things inconsistent but uhhh. yea.

[elysianstars]

Part of being a fan of the Fell Xenologue, is frantically trying to come up with explanations for weird stuff the plot does.

Why do some people confuse both Alears, despite the gender swap? Why does Rafal not seem invested in Ivy's attempt to revive Sombron? What was Sombron actually trying to achieve with his heir/legacy nonsense, and how did Rafal expect to do that properly without understanding it? Why was Nil, the weaker and less useful twin, getting sent off to battlefields without Nel? Why could Alear only sense something strange about Nel's dragonstone, and Zelestia identify that as Sombron's magic, after it was shattered? How did Sombron, the world's worst parent, manage to spot the difference between Nil and Rafal? Why are Nel and Rafal not doing anything during Chapter 21 of the main story, if you have them recruited at that point? When did Gradlon sink during the Xenologue timeline, and if it was after Sombron's first defeat then where were all his surviving offspring hanging out for the next thousand years?

I've got elaborate headcanon answers for the majority of those, which let me sleep at night, but literally every time I replay, more questions manifest to torment me. Here's the latest set.

1. After the battle in Firene, why does nobody ask how the Bracelet of the Brash General came to be awakened with Fell power? Obviously 'Nil' knows, because he did it. Nel suspected the royals were Corrupted, and it would make sense that whatever Fell sibling was responsible for that would have woken the Bracelet at the same time. So she's got a working theory that she'd rather not discuss yet. But neither Alear nor Zelestia suspects that, so why do they never question who's going around messing with these Emblems, without actually stealing them?

2. I always had the strong impression that Nel and 'Nil' ditched their family a long time ago, and were living in Lythos for most of the thousand year peace. But in one of Zelestia's supports with Madeline, she claims the twins didn't appear until Sombron 'showed signs of returning'. Which makes far less sense, since where does that place them for the last several centuries? In a Gradlon which may or may not have been underwater? Surrounded by hostile siblings, who only learned not to openly talk about murdering 'Nil' because Nel slaughtered the last group who did that? Choosing to deal with an atmosphere like that for centuries? Or were they just wandering the world minding their own business, in which case why is that period never referenced, and why bother ever showing up at Lythos? It doesn't give Nel much time to fall in love with Xeno Alear either, when it's said she felt that way for years.

The other possibility – and I've never considered it before, but the Xenologue is SO agonisingly vague with timelines that I suppose it can't be fully discounted – is that Nel and Rafal aren't actually thousand-year-old dragons born during the first war, they're only teenagers born during the second war. But that also doesn't make sense, since it would have necessitated Sombron being around for at least a couple of decades after his return, plus where did the mothers of these brand new children come from? Were they just floating around in possibly-underwater Gradlon, waiting a thousand years to be impregnated while having no ambitions of their own? Or did they get resurrected alongside him in a package deal?

...I really don't think any explanation works, aside from Nel and Rafal being long-term residents of Lythos.

Nel says she cut ties with Sombron during the last war, but you could interpret that as either running away, or openly fighting against him. Sombron, in the flashback that seems to be placed shortly before Xeno Alear kills him, says it had been 'some time' since the twins betrayed him, and that Nil died 'long ago' (yet isn't it the Bracelet of the Three Houses he's shown with, and wasn't that in Divine Dragon hands, so it could be sealed in the Somniel?). Rafal refers to his residence in Lythos as an 'age of lies'. Everything is 'for a time' and 'not long after' without giving numbers, and those phrases become increasingly vague when they're being spoken by individuals who measure their lifespans in thousands of years. We don't even know how long the Divine Dragon has been dead for – months? Years?

'Showed signs of' is another unspecific phrase. You can show signs of something that doesn't actually happen in full until many years later. You can show signs of something you've already been doing for many years in secret. I don't have the energy to compare the JP text and see if there's any differences. Sorry Zelestia, I'm going to have to ignore your single obscure comment as either a mistake by the writing team, or just you being forgetful because you're so old.

Otherwise I'd have to rewrite around 100,000 words of fanfic as not being canon compliant enough, can you imagine the pain of that.

3. In one of Rafal's bond conversations with Emblem Celica, he asks if her warp magic could be used to travel between countries. But isn't that exactly what he does, after showing his true colours in the Xenologue? How else does he transport an unconscious Alear from Elusia to Solm, seal them in the desert ruins, then race all the way back to Elusia in time for Nel to be none the wiser? His later warping has a stronger basis in the game's mechanics (abducting Nel in a way that's similar to an Entrap staff, then blinking over to the Somniel because the previous Divine Dragon must have given him the blessing). But that particular cross-country event? If he can do it regularly, it would also explain how he can rampage around Corrupting the entire world's royals without Nel realising, but hello, where does this power come from? And where does it go, once he's recruited and just has to walk places normally like a loser.

Additionally, I do enjoy when characters say things which are painfully ironic in hindsight. Zelestia saying in an early chapter how it's so fortunate Nel and 'Nil' never lost their other half, and 'Nil' is just like yeah, haha, that sure is great isn't it...

Sadly I will continue to try and deal with Fell Xenologue's problems forever, because it gave us the gift of not one but two hot murderous bisexual dragons acting completely unhinged, and to me that's worth digging through any number of plot holes for.

[noxiatoxia]

HEY so I know its been a minute since I've sent an ask, but I saw some of your posts about danganronpa, specifically regarding another episode, udg, and I was agasp because I was literally in the middle of playing it for the first time lmao. So after finishing the game last night I really wanted to ask, if you want to ofc, your in depth thoughts on the game and why you like it so much, or even thoughts on the gameplay and mechanics since its so different than the danganronpa staple. I quite liked it personally because of Komaru and Toko's relationship, them becoming two of my fav characters in the franchise so far, and because I became very endeared to the kids by the end of the story. I have some qualms with how Kotoko was handled in chapter 3 at... that part... but she's also my favorite of the kids at the same time lol.

Anyways yeah no pressure at all, I just was really curious because I liked the game a lot and found it so funny that you posted stuff about it as I was playing it. Also because I really enjoy your ouran opinions. But again I get if not, the game has some senstive subjects for sure. Thanks!

THIS IS LIKE THE BEST ASK EVER FOR ME TO RECEIVE. I AM SO PASSIONATE ABOUT THIS GAME AND HAVE BEEN FOR NEARLY A DECADE AT THIS POINT.

Okay....where to even START....

(I will be referring to UDG as DR:AE or just AE in this. SPOILERS FOR ALL OF DR:AE.)

Firstly, the environment. Unlike the main series, DR:AE does not take place in a secluded area away from the real world. It does the opposite; you are in such a vast area, you are not caged, yet you are still trapped. Even if Komaru didn't have that wristband on her, where would she go? The game is great at highlighting what the world outside of what we are told in the mainline games is actually like, how caged things are even outside, all while expanding upon existing characters' backgrounds by introducing family members, or little pieces of dialogue that serve to flesh out the world.

The gameplay itself, personally, I find VERY fun. I'm not a shooter game person, but DR:AE was a game I could play many times over. I love the different types of ammo, the puzzles, the possibilities with how to destroy the monokumas. Just a fun game all around. It's by far the most replayable Danganronpa game, as the main series games are all about the story. Once you know the story, there's really no reason to replay them. In fact, they are quite slow and boring without the intrigue of the mystery.

But the highlight, obviously, is the characters. As is Danganronpa's specialty.

While I still maintain Hajime is the most interesting protagonist of the series, Komaru serves as a great subversion of the expectations set up by Makoto's actions in the first game. Makoto is someone who preserved no matter what, changed those around him with his hope. He was your quintessential paragon protagonist. While Komaru displays this a little in some scenes (namely rallying the adults under Haiji's protection) this is only the result of speaking from her own wants and experiences. That is to say, unlike Makoto who always tried to help others even if it cost his own life, Komaru is much more realistic. She cares, first and foremost, about her safety. Her helping others to stand up for themselves comes from her own desire to keep fighting so she can live, and so she imparts that onto the people around her. Fight so you can live. She says it herself: she is not like Makoto. She is selfish, she is not endlessly optimistic. She's more like Hajime in this way, but unlike Hajime who find his own brand of philosophy, Komaru really doesn't. Rather, while Hajime's character serves to show you don't have to choose a predetermined path (hope or despair) and rather your path can simply be believing in yourself, Komaru's character shows that sometimes, and maybe even most of the time, believing in yourself or a specific ideal is not feasible. Komaru believes in the people around her - namely Toko. She believes in her friend, and believes with her friend that things can keep going. This in my opinion is an excellent twist on Makoto, who was, by all means, that friend that people believed in, not the one doing the believing.

And, as an aside, Toko and Komaru have the best development of any pair of characters in the series. Yes, even moreso than Hajime and Komaeda (who I maintain never really had "development" between each other than just a very, very good dynamic from the get-go that was influenced at points by outside plot forces on Komaeda's end. Think Light and L from Death Note in this manner).

Now, let me talk about the real meat of the game, and my favorite characters to date in the whole series: The Warriors of Hope.

I won't lie that I'm biased. I'm very biased for these guys. But I think a lot of people don't give these guys the credit they deserve considering this is a Japanese game. In Japan, child abuse is a bit of a taboo topic (that thankfully has been resolving over time). Due to the nature of Japan's politeness system and "family above all else" attitude, many child abuse cases not only go unreported, but are flat out ignored. The epidemic of babies dying in coin-operated lockers being an especially egregious example of rampant child abuse that occurred. Despite being prevalent since 1971, it took till 1993 to be socially addressed.

This is just one example, but I think it serves my point: child abuse is/was an issue in Japan when it comes to socially speaking of it. ( In fact, in the game itself, Nagisa and Kotoko both directly say they tried to reach out and get help, but were ignored by adults). This is why art regarding child abuse is so important. And that's why a huge series like Danganronpa centering a game about child abuse is such a huge deal. It sparks discussion and promotes visibility of the topic. Not to say media before hadn't talked about it - in fact, there is a lot of Japanese media about child abuse for this very reason - but that does not undermine the importance of Danganronpa deciding to portray it so openly. It is even more important, to me, that they do not stop at physical or sexual abuse. Rather, abuse focused on verbal harm and emotional neglect are portrayed as being just as damaging, which is one of the most overlooked and underplayed forms of abuse in general.

Their portray of abuse also is rather accurate. I will make a confession: I was definitely a bit too young to play danganronpa when I did. Definitely not 18 yet. But I was a teen, and very aware of different types of abuse, sexual abuse included. But despite all the PSAs, books I had read on my own or even ones assigned to me for classes, I had never seen a sexual assault victim be portrayed as hypersexual before. In fact, I didn't even know such a thing was possible. Yes, it is very, very likely I just got Komaeda levels of unlucky to not encounter that in any of my reading or research material at the time, but I think it's common, nonetheless, that people to this day still have the misconception that sexual abuse victims are all afraid of sex or anything sexual. While that is true for some, many people are now becoming more aware that sexual abuse survivors can often display hypersexual tendencies. In this way, I DID learn a lot about the effects of sexual abuse based on how Kotoko acted, and was able to do my own research from there to learn more. Furthermore, the game is good at portraying things like specific triggers in the form of words, smells, items, or specific phrases. Again, I feel it's mostly stereotyped that most triggers are objects that "make sense" like cigarettes or alcohol (much like with what Masaru was afflicted with). But the game made sure to include ones that were "non conventional" like specific words ("gentle" in Kotoko's case) and portrayed both triggers, no matter how common or uncommon, as equally severe. The game also shows negative effects child abuse can have on those around the children. After all, the WoH would not be doing the things they were doing if it weren't for how they were treated in the first place.

(Aside: This is particularly WHY I get so mad when people hate on DR:AE for being "icky". If you are personally uncomfortable with topics of child abuse, that is wholly reasonable and you do not have to play or even like a game that centers on that. You are in your full right and perfectly valid to say "I think this is gross and uncomfortable, therefore I do not like it" or "I don't like this game because I felt personally overlooked/triggered by it" or "I don't like this game because I felt it was not fun or well written". But to say it is objectively "problematic" or "disgusting" to have a game like this exist? That is just spitting in the face of people trying to advocate for visibility of child abuse. You are doing nothing but making people like myself who felt vindicated, seen, or educated by this game like bad guys. Sincerely, please do not call a game that does not shy away from the uncomfortable realities of child abuse "problematic" based on that alone.)

(Aside aside: there are "problematic" elements in the game and things to criticize as is true of all media. The Kotoko minigame I would say is the biggest "why is this in here" moment and is definitely just a fan service scene. I don't like it either. This does not mean the game itself and as a whole is valueless or bad.)

That leads into my next point: I love how morally gray the "good" and "bad" guys are. The WoH aren't doing what they're doing (save Monaca) because they want to hurt people for the lolz (though they have fun with it, as kids would). They think what they're doing is genuinely good. It's a good way to rival Junko, who knew she was evil and batshit crazy, but didn't care. These kids think they are helping children and keeping them safe. And they're kids - young kids can't really think in very complex manners. If you were treated horribly by most adults in your life, and your peers were as well and shared the same sentiments as you, you would be 100% convinced your convictions were righteous then. Hell, I've met adults that think this way (pretty much all extremists who think anyone part of x group, race, gender, religion, etc is evil). A kid thinking this way is very realistic. They are also all different levels of "morally gray". Nagisa, for example, ends up helping Komaru because he feels that a paradise for children is more important than the sole idea of killing all adults. Meanwhile, Monaca, perhaps because of the abuse she suffered all her life, has become a person that we can assume will just enact similar abusive tactics on everyone around her till the day she dies. While it's a misconception that people who suffer abuse often turn into abusers themselves (they simply just have a higher chance to commit crimes, anything from petty crimes to violent ones) there are undoubtedly cases where this does happen. A real life example is Douglas Spinx (HUGE TW; CSA & BESTIALITY). My point is: the portrayal of abuse victims in many different lights from people who can inflict harm unintentionally but with help and intervention can make recoveries to those who, in the rarest and saddest of cases, will turn to a full life of inflicting harm on others intentionally, is important - for someone like me, at least. Without the proper care or attention, horrible things like these can happen. I find this a very important thing to be open about.

Then we have Haiji. Haiji is supposed to be a "good guy". He's cowardly, yes, but he does fight to help the adults being killed. He attempts to bolster moral. But...despite having good intentions and even doing some good things, he's kind of horrible. After all, he's the one who contributed to Monaca's abuse and made her the way she is now. He's just like the kids except reversed; he thinks all children are evil because they're the ones killing everyone. And in his position, I do think most people would feel that way. I mean, if literally every kid in your area was wearing a helmet that turned them fuckin murderous and were killing all your friends and family would you, after enduring months of this, still bother to be like "not all kids though!". Likely not. Even though it is wrong, it is still a realistic way these things would pan out, much like how it did for the WoH. I mean, for a real life example, one need not look further than one of those extremist radical feminist blogs here on Tumblr that believes every single person born male is a brute. Most of those people believe that way because they have personally been hurt by one or several males in their lives, and y'know, fear and pain leads to hate and all of that.

Speaking of, I like the brainwashing in this game far more than in DR3 the anime (spoilers for that later on but tbqh DR3 is not worth anyone's time). I never liked brainwashing as a trope - I feel it is lazy. However, in DR:AE and DR1 they're utilized pretty well. In DR1 it's literally glossed over as "does it really matter? The outcome is more important than the means" which considering DR1, moreso than any other game in the series, is a satire and is supposed to focus on absurdity, I think having the brainwashing LITERALLY be hand-waved as "eh, it just happened" makes a lot of sense thematically with the goofy writing. But as you know, as DR went on, it became more and more serious with itself (for...better and worse...) in DR:AE, I like how the brainwashing affects only the nameless children. DR3's anime was lazy by having all the main characters get brainwashed by a funny little video, both in future&despair arc. In AE, it's a helmet. I think this makes much more sense as theoretically the helmet could be attached to the actual brains of these people. Plus, as said in the game, they blow up when the controller is destroyed, giving credence to that theory. The brainwashing in AE is not a vehicle to explain why main characters act the way they do. Rather, it's just a device used to create background conflict/build up the main villains, leaving the main characters to be affected by persuasion and manipulation (the objectively better version of "brainwashing").

Circling back to the WoH, outside of their thorough portrayals of abuse and standings as "villains who think they are doing the right thing", they're just fun. Like, legit, I just think they're fun. Outside of their trauma, they aren't very complex, but that's the point. The game is a commentary about abuse and how it affects you, the people around you, and the world. The WoH are not the characters meant to be developed and complex entities who undergo deep changes - that is left to our protagonists. As most series with static characters do, they assign each member a core personality. Every Warrior of Hope has a number of traits influenced by this personality (the "sporty" one, the "smart" one, etc) that make them vastly different from each other, making them not only distinct but just fun to watch their personalities clash. After all, if they were not bonded by their trauma, they probably wouldn't be friends at all. it's honestly like a Teen Titans situation in that way, and I've always loved stuff like that. Of course, their personalities are also heavily influenced by their trauma, again a realistic depiction of how trauma can and will change who you are as a person and present itself in many facets of your actions.

I THINK that's all my MAIN points. Suffice to say, DR:AE is my favorite game in the series. I think it's the most fun, has the best character developments and dynamics, I think its story is the most emotional and deep-cutting, and it really spoke to me during a time that I needed something like this to reach me. I won't say it's the best DR game in terms of overall narrative (that honor goes to SDR2) but it comes close. And I know not everyone will feel the same way about this game that I do. Thanks for this ask; yet another reminder I need to do my bi-yearly replay of this game.

(Footnote so I don't get "so you hate waffles"'d: my bringing real-life examples into this is not to say those instances are exactly like what happens in the video game nor to say they are on the same level of importance. Obviously real life is far more important and complex than anything that could happen in a game. I only bring them up to support my points about certain aspects being realistic by using, well, real life examples.)

[kyoroju]

Hashiras as Pokémon Gym Leaders!

what better first post than combining two of my greatest loves together? i felt that giving the hashiras 1 type to work with would be too cliché, so i gave them a second one that would work with them as well! maybe i spent too much time putting together their parties...but ultimately it was worth it. i really enjoyed writing for them, and i want to hear how you feel about them being gym leaders in a pokémon game! (i'd never stop replaying that version if it were real...)

Kyojuro Rengoku - fire, obviously; steel, less obviously ❥ so obviously, he would be a fire gym leader, right? probably chose a Charmander as his starter years ago and never strayed from the cute fire-breathing baby since they were the same. the rengoku's probably raise all the fire starters as a family tradition anyways ❥ he's got a lot of other pokémon that he adores, but he always gravitates towards the ones that can benefit from his training and vice versa ❥ his full party: Litleo, Fletchinder, Magmortar, Arcanine, Chandelure, Charizard ❥ kyojuro is 100% a steel type gym in disguise. his personality says it all. his determination, his drive, everything he stands for is as unbendable and unwavering as steel. (let's not get started about his body...) ❥ yeah, yeah, steel is super weak to fire, but in kyojuro's case? they make each other stronger in any other way that they can. they solidify wishes and goals and go for it ❥ his full party: Mawile, Klefki, Metagross, Corviknight, Steelix, Aegislash

Giyu Tomioka - water, obviously; ghost, less obviously ❥ as a water hashira, he'd be a water type gym leader. he chose little Oshawott as his starter and loves him greatly, they're quite literally inseparable. ❥ giyu doesn't pay much attention to his pokémon nor does he go out with the intention of training and capturing more, but this one bidoof has been by his side...even after it evolved into a bibarel... ❥ his full party: Shellder, Seadra, Sharpedo, Wailord, Walrein, Samurott ❥ he's distant and cold sometimes, but he ultimately means well, or at least he tries to convey that. people like him, right? shinobu is just teasing him any chance she gets, right? ❥ did i say sometimes? his ghost pokémon rat his real emotions out to people if he isn't watching, they just want the best for him! ❥ his full party: Corsola, Mimikyu, Gengar, Dragapult, Mismagius, Froslass

Obanai Iguro - poison, obviously; ground, less obviously ❥ kaburamaru picked his starter when he was younger, sobble. though throughout obanai's teen years, he trained closely with a bulbasaur instead. ❥ obanai likes to pretend that he doesn't care what happens to his companions, but the second the battle is over, he's hovering over each pokémon, ensuring that each feels cared for. ❥ his full party: Skrelp, Croagunk, Arbok, Nidoking, Nidoqueen, Venusaur ❥ obanai is a hardened soul but is still a softy after you get past kaburamaru and his own tough, rough skin. hold him gently and he'll melt without realising, like eroding ground. ❥ he gets mad when he does find out that his pokemon have been meddling in his life, though, so be careful! he's not easy to win back at alI. ❥ his full party: Drilbur, Krokorok, Nidoking, Nidoqueen, Sandaconda, Garchomp

Sanemi Shinazugawa - flying, obviously; fighting, less obviously ❥ sanemi is pretty reserved when it comes to his pokémon, but there's no denying that he has a soft spot for the bird species. he trained with a grass/flying type starter but later realised it was no longer flying. ❥ his pokémon may be free-spirited from time to time, but whenever he calls for them, they're by his side within seconds. his pokémon automatically give him tailwind whether he needs it or not. ❥ his full party: Rookidee, Drifloon, Gliscor, Archeops, Toucannon, Decidueye ❥ he isn't so much as a "go with the flow" guy as much as he just appreciates the ebb and flow of the air currents and he expects the same of his winged companions. ❥ he enjoys the rush of the wind, whether it's on the back of his pokémon or he's running right alongside them, though he loves the confrontation on the ground and will never pass a one-on-one fight ❥ his full party: Hawlucha, Kommo-o, Bewear, Scrafty, Machamp, Decidueye

Tengen Uzui - psychic, obviously; dark, less obviously ❥ his exceptional hearing doesn't discriminate when it comes to pokemon that he's raising. the louder, the better, he says...to everyone, though his wives would disagree... ❥ in another life he could've been a conductor but he wouldn't trade his life for another anyways. between him and his wives, he's got enough to deal with ❥ his full party: Bruxish, Gothita, Malamar, Rapidash, Alakazam, Delphox ❥ alongside his wives and him was a lone froakie, which later became his own cherished pokémon, as well as his wives' ❥ tengen may be very good at distinguishing sounds, but he lets his pokémon make as much white noise as want, even if he needs to concentrate on a mission ❥ his full party: Absol, Deino, Grimmsnarl, Honchkrow, Malamar, Greninja

Mitsuri Kanroji - fairy, obviously; dragon, less obviously ❥ she starts every battle by sending out her pokémon with a kiss. it's fitting that every pokemon she has is in a love ball since she's the love hashira. ❥ her pokemon are as graceful and tough as she is, both in appearance and battle. she's always making treats for every one of them, and especially herself! ❥ her full party: Togetic, Kirlia, Hatterene, Grimmsnarl, Alcremie, Altaria ❥ she’s one of two women who’ve become hashira, so she must be strong, right? in another life she could’ve been a ballerina of sorts, or any other profession that let her express her strength equally to her beauty. in this one, it means she harbors dragon types under her wing. ❥ don’t underestimate mitsuri and her cute stature or you’ll be sorry. she may be looking to marry, but you’ve got to show you love her dragons as much as she does… ❥ her full party: Dreepy, Dragonair, Goodra, Salamence, Garchomp, Altaria

Shinobu Kocho - bug, obviously; ice, less obviously ❥ her butterfly attire gives her typing away just like the original gym leaders. it’s only fitting that the butterfly mansion is home to bug types as well as the injured. ❥ she’d never admit that her favorite is her butterfree, but there’s a reason her haori matches the wing patterns near perfectly. confront her about it and you’ll likely be poisoned one way or another ❥ her full party: Skorupi, Whirlipede, Accelgor, Butterfree, Yanmega, Frosmoth ❥ have you seen the look in her eyes? or heard the way she talks to Giyu? she can be cold when she needs to (or wants to) so it only makes sense that the chilly Pokémon have flocked around her ❥ if you let her warm up to you she might show you some tricks her ice types have picked up, like how to beat rengoku’s fire types or how to make nifty potions for battle ❥ her full party: Sneasel, Lapras, Ninetales, Dewgong, Avalugg, Frosmoth

Gyomei Himejima - rock, obviously; grass, less obviously ❥ as the stone hashira, he has strong connection with rock types that are resilient as he is. they love joining him during training sessions and will often practice when he is ❥ his party's defense is so high, you'll likely have to whittle them down little by little. you'll be lucky to take a chip out of them before they trap you in a tomb ❥ his full party: Rockruff, Lairon, Bastiodon, Tyrantrum, Omastar, Cradily ❥ the rock types he works with are tough and hardened, but the grass types he works with a flowy and flexible. they may look super tough on the outside, but they're soft on the inside ❥ his grass types love practicing with him, especially when he's water training. show up with a water type of any kind and they'll show you who's boss ❥ his full party: Gossifleur, Skiddo, Ferrothorn, Shiftry, Torterra, Cradily

Muichiro Tokito - normal, obviously; electric, less obviously ❥ his aloofness definitely takes a part in what Pokémon stay by him throughout his journey. normal types are unaffected by his amnesiac tendencies and care for him all the same. ❥ he might forget who is in his lineup, but he’ll always put on a worthy battle even if it takes him until halfway through to realize he might lose. don’t let him remember there’s a badge on the line and he might spare your party of Pokémon… ❥ his full party: Spinda, Minccino, Wigglytuff, Snorlax, Slaking, Heliolisk ❥ the blankness in his eyes can be fierce like a storm. if you get on his nerves, he might just lash out with everything he's got. you won't want to get caught in the spark. ❥ while his party is sparky and electrifying, he can still be pretty absent-minded and forget to pay attention to them. they remind him with a little spark and sometimes you'll even see him play with them. ❥ his full party: Pincurchin, Magnemite, Toxtricity, Ampharos, Electrode, Heliolisk

[imagine-knowing-a-name]

OKAY so random but I read “Omnia Vincit Amor” right and I was thinking you know how Natasha moved on married Wanda had a kid named her y/n yada yada yada you get the point “WHAT IF” reader never died but rather survived the fall but fell unconscious and was taken by someone like anyone who took care of her and all but she had lost her memories so she obviously didn’t know her life before u til one night racer woke up and EVERYTHING just came crashing together and she made it a mission to find Wanda and Nat also to show and tell nat that it wasn’t her fault she chose Wanda and that she would have done the same if it were her in that position I know this story was creat MONTHS ago but the crazy thought just popped into my mind when that story popped out on my search all of a sudden and I sat here thinking “what if”

omnia vincit amor (what if...reader survived)

Summary: what the anon said ^

Pairing: Wanda x Natasha (& platonic relationship with Y/N)

Word count: 2411

Warnings: Brain injuries (probably inaccurately represented bc I know nothing medical), a little bit of angst during recovery. It's a bit hurt/comfort but probably the happiest ending of this series.

A/N: This is literally the fastest I've ever written a fic, thank you so much for the ask

Part 1 Part 2

—————————————————

Natasha had trained her whole life for moments like this: to make the right decision in an instant; never doubt it, never dwell on it, never get emotional about it. After all, she was raised for survival, and that was the only way through.

So why could she not control her tears now? The irritations pricked her eyes from the moment she saw the fear on your face, her vision blurred before your body could even hit the ground. You’d hidden it under a mask of acceptance, but she saw it. Your face was the only thing Natasha saw when she closed her eyes; the pain she’d seen and missed every time she’d ignored you for Wanda. She finally saw it, but by then, your face was expressionless, too late to apologise to.

Wanda had to pull her away from the edge, back to the quinjet to run from the failed mission. They couldn’t even see your face up close.

If they had, they would have seen the breaths you were still taking.

—————————————————

Your first memories were police interrogations. An officer yelled about what your organisation had done and the atrocities they had caused, until a doctor stepped in and warned the man of your state.

“You should be grateful they saved you,” the officer scorned. He was quieter now; the pain in your head subsided, though it didn’t fade completely.

According to the doctor, you came in with a severe traumatic brain injury, spending days in a coma they weren’t sure you would wake from. The amnesia was expected, as was the pain, but they believed you would recover eventually with time, medicine, and therapy.

Eventually, you had to be released from holding on medical grounds. Your complete memory loss meant you could offer nothing to the police; your uniform was all they had to tie you to the criminal organisation, and that didn’t even say what role you played in it, or if you had even been aware of their actions. For all anyone knew, you may have been just a janitor. All they did know was that someone had wiped the database of all traces of you; you were a ghost, with no clue of your own identity.

Now you were released into a hectic world, told to make your life anew.

—————————————————

Seven years later, that memory was not as distant as you would have liked. You still frequented hospitals and appointments in the hopes of returning your life’s memories, but to no avail.

There had been some breakthroughs, scraps of memories from long ago. You could picture a woman, her features were out of your grasp, but her laugh, and the sight of her shoulder-length red hair replayed in your mind. You held tightly to the memory, thinking of it over and over again, trying to add more to it. Was it a date? You had both been laughing, just the two of you, so perhaps. Had you been close to her? Something inside told you that you were, that you’d been special to each other, but you couldn’t place it, couldn’t even remember her face.

You worked at a small restaurant, and your coworkers had tried to set you up with friends and customers before, but in 7 years, you hadn’t been attracted to any of them, nor anyone else you encountered, and you couldn’t answer their questions as to why. But perhaps it was this – your brain subconsciously keeping itself for this woman.

The more you thought about it, the more frustrated you became. If you were so close, why had she not come to find you? You didn’t even know if she was real, or just a false memory your brain had conjured up to ease your constant search for something.

—————————————————

Your ‘road to recovery’ – outlined years ago by the doctors – featured several activities designed to memories in your mind. Trying different hobbies, foods, meditations; anything that might trigger thoughts of your past, or lift the fog of your mind. It clearly hadn’t been that effective – you wondered what you even did in the past – but it had become a routine that you enjoyed. It was how you found yourself at a new park one Saturday, close to where you sustained your injury. If you had worked in that building, there was a chance you lived nearby, and something in the park would look familiar to you. 

Nothing sparked recognition in you, until a child ran past, as fast as their little toddler legs would carry them.

“Y/N! Come back here you!” a woman’s voice laughed.

You turned around before you even knew why. Whether it was the name itself, or just the way the woman said it, that made you act as if she had called for you.

But then you saw the red hair, and recognised the laugh that had plagued you ever since you found that one memory. 

“Natasha?” The name had come from nowhere, but it felt right, it matched the woman… and she certainly matched your memory. There were more of them now, all playing in your brain all at once: bowling, movies, dinner dates, sleepovers; the amount you had done together was overwhelming, and her face finally formed in your imagery. You were the only unknown left in your brain, nothing was filling in, until-

“Y/N?”

That name again, but now it was directed at you. It fit. The name you chose 7 years ago was the only one you could remember having, but this one –Y/N– fit like no other name ever had.

The woman –Natasha– held the child in her arms now, and slowly approached, taking every step like a dog stalking its prey, fearing that each new step might send it running. You eyed the woman, then averted your attention to the bench beside you. You slowly took a seat, your head was spinning now with an overabundance of thoughts and names and skills rushing back, you had to hold your head up as Natasha sat quietly beside you, not disturbing the peace with further questions.

“Big Y/N,” the baby in her arms babbled. You looked up to see her smiling at the child, though a tear tracked down her face; her eyes were worried when they turned to meet yours. 

“I think I know you,” you said at last.

“I think I know you too,” she replied.

“I wasn’t attracted to you.”

A smirk spread on her face, and her head tilted in amusement, “if you’re the person I know, you’re not attracted to anybody.”

“I’m not… or I haven’t been… I don’t know.”

Her eyes track over your face, her eyebrows slightly knotted. She looks concerned, and ready to ask questions. You’ve never been able to read someone so well. “You can ask questions, maybe it’ll help,” you sigh, “I just don’t know if I can answer any.”

“How bad is the memory loss?”

“I didn’t-”

“I pick up on things. It’s part of my trademark really.”

“...It’s bad. I lost it all 7 years ago and only today did it start to come back, just now. Even with my recent memory, I don’t remember all the things that I should.”

“But you recognise me now?”

“I… I think so. Natasha?” She nodded, prompting you to continue. “You and Wanda were dating, and I used to join you a lot.”

“That’s correct, you got me and Wanda to confess to each other actually.”

“I had your engagement ring in my room.”

“It’s on Wanda’s finger now.”

“How long did that take you?” you chuckled, eyes down at the ground. You could see Natasha smile wider out of the corner of your eye, a little bit of the old you coming back.

“A while,” she laughed, “I went and talked to your grave for moral support first, which…guess we’ve gotta get rid of that.”

Silence fell at the mention of your time apart; her thinking you were dead, while you couldn’t even remember being alive. Eventually, Natasha spoke up, “Can I- do you mind- ?” with her hand raised, you understood what she was asking, raising your own hand to meet hers. She sighed at the feeling, at the knowledge you were actually alive.

It was at that point that the child began to get restless, tugging at their mother’s hair to go home. “Alright, alright, love, we’ll head back soon,” she appeased, and turned to you, “Would you be ready to meet the others again? Or do you have a place of your own I can at least drop you off at?”

Now that you had memories of the others, you missed them, and grieved the fact you’d spent seven years without them. You wanted nothing more than to let them know you were okay, and reminisce, but you weren’t fully you, at least not yet. Seeing Natasha alone had almost been too much to handle, and she was one of the calmest teammates, understanding your social cues without too much verbalisation from you. Even just from your silence, she guessed your decision and understood it.

“Give me directions to your house. I’ll drive you.”

You tried to get dropped off a few blocks away at first, but Natasha had caught on, prompting directions to just outside the rundown apartment. Some of your windows were still boarded up, and the stairs outside were cracked into disrepair; you couldn’t even say the inside was much better, but when you had no documentation or proof you ever existed, there was little accommodation you could afford.

“Say hi to Wanda for me, please?”

“I’ll pass it on, maybe come see us when you’re up for it, or text me and we’ll come over. She’s going to want to see you before she believes me.”

“Thank you, Nat, I’ll let you know.”

—————————————————

The screen had been dark for hours, but still, you held the device before you, only now noting your own reflection.

Acting on impulse, you clicked your phone back on; the blank chat with Natasha opened once again, and this time, you began to type.

"Come over tomorrow?" you sent, "Wanda and baby are welcome too"

'sent' appeared below before you could change your mind and, in truth, you didn't want to. The pair had been your closest friends in the world until you'd gone 7 years without each other; they would have mourned for you. You could only imagine how they would be feeling now. You wanted to apologise for how the mission ended, for all the grief you brought them. You wanted to tell Natasha you didn't mind her choice, and thank Wanda for taking care of her in your absence - it wouldn't have been an easy effort.

Three dots appeared and you tossed your phone across the bed. You weren't ready to hear an answer just yet.

You felt no more prepared the next day when the doorbell rang. To see them again, purposefully, was one thing, but memories were still coming back. Now you could remember the compound, your current apartment was no comparison; you could only even afford the bare minimum of furnishing, much less all the decoration there used to be.

The fears fled your mind the second you opened the door, and Wanda rushed in to engulf you in a hug. Tears brimmed in her eyes as she looked you over, holding your face in her hands. 

"I'm sorry," came your breathless greeting. Wanda steered you to the sofa and sat you down, Natasha following behind with the baby in her arms. "For how the mission went, and what you went through and-"

Natasha cut you off. "I thought I was coming here to apologise to you, not the other way around" 

"I don't want you to apologise, this life was all I wanted for you, it was the choice I wanted you to make."

"What matters now is we made it back together," Wanda soothed. "I'm sure there'll be time for tears and apologies later, just not now. There's been enough of that. Where have you even been for seven years? I want to hear it all."

Hours passed with the three of you exchanging stories. You were introduced to their child officially, as their namesake, and learned what the other Avengers had done in your absence.

Natasha strapped the younger Y/N into the car first, leaving you and Wanda alone when it was time to say goodbye.

She listened to your thanks, then waved it off, stating you would have looked after Natasha just as well had she made the other choice. "You know, Natasha and I discussed it after you texted, and I understand if it's too much, but… living with you was half the reason we didn't move out before, and we have a spare room in our house. If you want… move in with us? It'll be just the same as old times; meals together, movie nights, days out… and the toddler is actually quieter than living with the rest of the Avengers team… somehow tidier too."

Wanda spoke with such earnestness, it left no room for self-doubt, and with the way Natasha smiled when she came back in and met your eye, you could tell she agreed. Your apartment was not a home, especially now that you remembered what was. Your home was with them. You said yes.

—————————————————

Natasha laughed as you jumped, your eyes glued to the screen. "You don't remember the jump scare?"

You flit your eyes to hers, then down to the ground. It was all she needed to see to shuffle closer, bumping her shoulder against yours. "That's okay, it gets me too sometimes."

"Not in the same way," you mumbled, "have we watched this movie before? before the accident?"

Natasha nodded; you saw the concern underneath.

"I don't remember it. Some things just aren't coming back to me, and other things that I keep forgetting."

"That's okay," Natasha smiled, she took your hands into hers, "you can't expect it to be better all at once."

"But what if it never is? If it never gets better? I don't think I'm ever going to be the same person that you and everyone else remembers."

"I don't mind if you're not that you. You don't have to be. All I want is to spend my time with who you are right now, because I lost seven years of it, and I never missed anything more."

[your-divine-ribs]

All of Your Children Part 1

Words: 2.9k

TRYING: You and Van decide to try for a baby // no warnings, brief bit of baby-making but it’s not graphic at all // I’ve only written 4 parts of this one but I do want to write more… x

All of Your Children Masterlist Main Masterlist

"Van! Where are you? You were supposed to be home half an hour ago!"

You're pacing up and down the kitchen, holding the phone tight to your ear, feeling anxious.

In comparison to your wound-up state your boyfriend's demeanour is relaxed as he replies. "Chill out love, I'm on the way. We just took a little longer in the studio than was expected, that's all."

"Don't tell me to chill out! It's time you know!" You reply haughtily, aware that you sound like some crazy woman but not being able to relax as instructed.

Van chuckles down the line. "I'm like five minutes away. Bloody hell, if I knew baby-making was gonna make you this horny I would have suggested it ages ago!"

"I'm not horny!" You protest. "I just need you here now. I can't make this baby on my own."

"So now you're saying you only want me for my body!" He laughs.

You're mildly annoyed now. By your calculations you're at your peak fertility right now. And your ovulation window ends tonight.

"Va-an!" You grumble.

"I'm literally pulling on to our road now!" He says, and you stop pacing immediately and make your way upstairs to the bedroom, impatient.

It seems crazy really. You've been with Van for two years now, and they've been the most exciting, fulfilling two years of your life. You'd met at the radio station where you worked and you often still replay the day you met in your mind, cringing with total embarrassment at the idiot you made of yourself. Catfish and the Bottlemen were one of your favourite bands at the time, and you'd been so excited when you heard they were coming in for an interview. You'd been outside in the smoking area on your fag break with your co-worker and best friend Alyssa, completely losing your head at the fact that you'd soon have the chance to meet one of your idols.

"Fucking hell Lyss, if I meet Van I think I'm gonna go to pieces. He's just so fit. I mean he looks good enough in pictures online so what's he gonna look like in real life? I'm gonna be completely star-struck! If he speaks to me what am I gonna say? I'm probably gonna make a right tit out of myself! Lyss... Lyss?"

You'd wondered why your best friend was suddenly lost for words, her face scrunched up, looking awkward as ever. She obviously wasn't taking in a word of what you were saying, in fact she wasn't even looking at you.

"Are you even listening to..."

You'd tailed off at that point, aware that the reason that she wasn't listening was that something, or someone, far more interesting behind you had obviously caught her attention. That someone had happened to be none other than Van McCann himself.

Of course in typical Van style he'd been a complete gentleman about it, well... after you'd had to endure some merciless teasing from him over the cup of tea he'd insisted on taking you out for after the interview. You'd been nervous as hell to start with, but it'd soon become very obvious that you two had a lot in common and your personalities just clicked. He was charming, hilarious, down to earth and chatty. Very chatty. In fact you don't think he's actually shut up since that day...

"Babe, I'm home! Where are you?"

Van's voice comes booming from downstairs just after you hear the front door slam.

"I'm up here!" You call back, shimmying out of your jeans hurriedly and then pulling your t-shirt up over your head, flinging your clothing in a heap on the floor.

You sink down on to the bed, lying on your side propped up on your elbow, trying for an alluring pose, just as Van comes barrelling through the door. He takes you in, eyes wide, mouth falling open in delighted surprise.

"Now that's what I call a welcome home!" He exclaims, toeing off his boots, then hurriedly fumbling with the buttons on his jeans.

"Yeah well, don't get too used to it!" You laugh, giggling even more at the sight of Van trying to get undressed so fast that he trips over his jeans trying to get out of them, hopping around the bedroom, cursing as he bangs his shin on the bedside cabinet.

As soon as he's down to just his boxers he practically dives on to the bed, pushing you gently on to your back and hovering over you. "This is gonna be the one, I can just feel it!" He beams down on you.

His hair's hanging down around you like a curtain so you reach up to push it back so you can clearly see his face.

"You say that every time!" You tell him.

He definitely gets full-marks for enthusiasm. But that's Van for you. Everything he does he goes about it with his usual aplomb, and baby-making is no exception.

It had all started with a pregnancy scare four months previously, the product of a boozy night and a missed birth control pill. It had struck fear into you at the time. You were a week late for your period, Van had just embarked on a European tour, and you'd sat there crying on the bathroom floor, not daring to look at the pregnancy test you'd hurriedly bought on your way home from work. You'd not told Van or your parents about your suspicions, only Alyssa, who was waiting with baited breath outside the bathroom door for the outcome.

"Y/N? Are you okay? Have you looked yet?" Your friend's voice had come timidly through the door.

"I can't look," you'd sobbed. "I can't have a baby. Van doesn't want a baby. What if this messes everything up?"

You'd sat there, eyes clouded with tears but fixed firmly on the Clearblue test stick, your whole life's fate contained in that tiny little piece of plastic. Staring at it like if you wished hard enough then you could somehow magic the desired outcome.

A soft rapping sound on the door had finally brought you to your senses. "Just look at it. It's already happened and you can't go back in time, but you need to know either way. You and Van will be fine. You're like the strongest couple I know. You could get through anything together, I mean it."

Eventually you'd looked. You'd taken a deep breath and pulled off the small plastic cap, eyes squinting to try and discern whether there was a blue line in the window. It was clear.

Relief had immediately flooded you, but there was a little flicker of something else there too. You'd dismissed it at the time, flinging open the bathroom door and wrapping your arms around your friend in a celebration, but later that evening when you'd settled down with a cuppa and picked up your phone ready for Van's nightly call you'd let your mind wander.

A child... a little person... made from you and the one man you'd loved more than any other in your lifetime. Just imagine...

Instead of feelings of panic and apprehension your mind was suddenly filled with the possibility of the scenario actually being a reality. The two of you becoming three, cuddles in the kitchen whilst you rocked your baby gently, discovering Van passed out on the sofa with a tiny bundle clutched to his chest. A little person with his eyes and your lips, ten perfect tiny toes and fingers...

Van had called at that moment, sending your daydream spinning away, and you'd chatted about the show he was due to play that night, your day at work, your upcoming plans for your birthday party that you were arranging for when the tour was up.

"Babe, what's up?" Van's words suddenly cut through your thoughts and you hadn't realised you'd zoned out to the sound of his voice as he'd been listing party guests to invite.

"Mmm... nothing..." you'd replied hastily. "I was just miles away there for a moment..."

"Dreaming about me?" He'd chuckled.

"You wish!" You'd laughed back, but then your laugh had faded and Van was quiet before he spoke again.

"Something's up, I can tell..."

Your heart had skipped a beat before you'd blurted out that everything was fine, that you were just tired and a bit stressed at work but you could tell Van wasn't buying it. He was so tuned into you that you couldn't get anything past him.

The truth was you were terrified about what his reaction to a pregnancy scare would be. Ever since your flirtation at the radio station had led to dates, which had led to a relationship that had you falling completely and utterly madly in love with each other, you'd tried not to think too much about what the future held. Dreams about distant notions like marriage and babies and settling down in a house on the coast seemed like another lifetime away. Instead the present was filled with tours and recording and appearances, and your own life was busy too, although nothing compared to Van's. What if it turned out that he didn't actually want any of those  things? Or he wanted them but just not with you? You were both still so young.

"You know you can't hide stuff from me. C'mon, spill it. Tell me what's up. We've always promised we wouldn't keep secrets from each other,  haven't we?"

You'd sighed long and hard, wondering whether you should make up some excuse, but Van was right. You had promised not to keep secrets. When you started keeping secrets in a relationship, then trust went out the window, and a relationship without trust was doomed to fail.

"Okay I'll tell you, but don't freak out, because everything's alright..."

"Tell me... I'm getting worried now." The concern had been evident in Van's voice.

"Remember that weekend in April, a few weeks before your European tour? When we went out with Bondy for a curry and ended up in that karaoke bar?"

Van laughed. "How can I forget? We were smashed. Oh god, how rough were we the next day? I thought I was dying!"

"Yeah... it was bad," you'd said, grimacing at the recollection of your hangover. "Well... I was so drunk I kinda forgot to take my birth control pill..."

"YOU'RE PREGNANT?"

Van had shouted that loud that you practically dropped the phone, your heart thudding.

"NO!" You'd cried instantly.

"But what..." Van had started but you'd cut him straight off, panicking about what he might say. The words just tumbled out of you, and you'd barely paused for a breath....

"Well, I was late, and you know I'm never late, but I didn't realise at first. We were so busy just before you left for Berlin. Your parents visited and then we had all that trouble with the car, and I just didn't realise until the day after you'd flown... That's when I freaked out. And then I didn't want to tell you, because I was scared what you'd say. I didn't even tell my mum, I only told Alyssa, and she bullied me to get a test, and well... I did it this afternoon... and it turns out I'm not pregnant..."

It was quiet for a moment and you'd realised you'd been holding your breath, listening for any sound seeing as you couldn't gauge Van's reaction by looking at him. Then there was a quiet noise like he'd blown out a breath through pursed lips.

"Van? Say something..."

"I... I... Why didn't you say anything? When you suspected? You must have been worried sick." His voice was quiet, hesitant.

You'd felt tears spring to your eyes then with a poorly concealed sob, a culmination of the relief at telling him and the outcome of the test, but also as you were starting to recognise... a pang of disappointment.

"Don't cry love... it's okay... we're okay," he'd said soothingly. "It's... it's what you want isn't it? I mean, you weren't hoping... were you?"

Hearing him ask just made it seem even more real. You'd realised then that you couldn't hide it. You didn't want to hide anything from him.

"I didn't think I was... but, but... oh I don't know Van. I've been so stressed worrying about it, but I suppose a little part of me had kinda got used to the idea. Maybe I'm just hormonal."

Van chuckled softly. "Maybe it's your biological clock ticking!"

You'd laughed too. "But I'm only 25! Isn't that supposed to happen when you're in your thirties?"

"I guess it can happen at any time... when you're ready."

Wait... did he mean...?

"But... we're not yet... are we? I mean you're so busy with touring, and then you'll be working on the next album soon... Hold on, what am I even saying? We've only been together for two years."

"I'm not gonna lie. When you first said about forgetting your pill my heart just about stopped." Van paused, before carrying on. "And then you said you weren't pregnant... and I should have been relieved, but all I could think was... what if? What if you were?"

Your throat had felt dry as you tried to read the meaning behind his hesitant words. All of a sudden you'd wished you could have jumped straight on a plane to be near him. This was something you needed to discuss face to face, not hundreds of miles apart.

"What.. if I was?" You'd said eventually.

You could hear the smile in Van's words as he spoke. "Love... you would have made me the happiest man alive. Even happier than I am now... if that's even possible!"

You'd spent the rest of the four week tour talking about your hypothetical baby over the phone, and by the time Van had arrived home and scooped you up into his arms, you were both sure that's what you wanted.

And now here you were... four months after the tour was up and still trying...

Your lips meet in a sweet kiss, which quickly descends into wet, feverish kisses as your remaining clothing gets quickly shed to join the pile on the floor. You're so eager to get on with it that you're hungrily pulling Van's hips to yours and wrapping your legs around his waist, but he resists, entwining his fingers with yours and pushing your hands back on to the bed.

"Hey... if we're gonna do this, let's do it properly, eh?" His lips press against your neck, then they start their journey south, kissing a delicious trail down your body.

Within minutes you're writhing on the bed, hands buried in his hair whilst he works his magic. You throw your head back, eyes screwed shut, letting the exquisite sensation of your orgasm wash over you.

"Mmm... you're amazing," you murmur as he slowly kisses his way back up your body to your lips, smiling to yourself at the smug little grin he always wears when he satisfies you.

"Look who's talking," he replies, lips clashing with yours again.

Once again you wrap your legs around his waist and grasp at his hips and he doesn't stop you this time. There's a collective sigh from both of you as he presses himself into you, moving his hips against yours, starting slow but soon building up to a steady rhythm. Your bodies move in sync, so attuned to each other that it's almost like you're moving as one.

"I love you..." he murmurs against your neck, peppering warm sweet kisses all over your skin as you cling to him.

“Love you too…”

You can tell Van's close as his breathing's getting ragged and his thrusts are getting quicker and sloppier. He breathes your name as his body tenses, and then you feel him go slack.

"Mmm... I think baby-making might be one of my favourite things to do," he smiles down on you, and then you feel him go to pull away but you grasp hold of him tightly, legs still clamped around his waist.

"Hey, not so fast. We have to give it time for things to happen," you say, all the tips from pregnancy blogs you've read online scrolling through your head. "And pass me that pillow."

You reach out with a grabby hand gesture and Van complies, carefully reaching over to grab the pillow whilst he's still inside you.

"Quick, quick!" You urge.

"God, you're so bossy!" He teases, his brow furrowing into a bewildered look as you try to manoeuvre the pillow under your hips. "What the hell are you doing now?"

"Read about this online," you explain, still wriggling around until the pillow is in the perfect position, tilting your pelvis upwards. "It helps things... flow better, if you know what I mean. It increases the chances of conceiving."

Van looks unconvinced, propping himself up on his elbows and looking down on you. "You read too much crap online. I reckon most of it's nonsense."

"It makes sense if you think about it. Gravity and all that."

He considers this for a moment, then a huge grin spreads on his face. "Hey, I bet it's like the Rango music video in there at the moment!"

"Oh for god's sake!" You giggle, and then you're both laughing, still locked together in each other's arms, ready to face the future together, whatever it might bring.