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louthestarspeaker · 1 month ago

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it's almost 1am here's my essay about Dal and captainhood <333

I hath promised a Dal essay and I hath delivered…

I've had this in the drafts for so long, but I just rewatched season two and it really allowed me to solidify a lot of my thoughts.

One of things that really strikes me about Dal's character and his relationship to command is that being in charge is a place of safety for him. He's had to be self-reliant and self-sufficient pretty much his whole life until the Protostar. It's something that was engraved into him since he was small, that the only person Dal could really depend on was himself.

And because he was never around anyone who actually cared about him until the Protostar, that was the right thing to do. This need to be in charge, to be in control really, is a learned survival skill. "I can tell you from experience, people in authority lie."

But in season two, his circumstances have changed (for the better!), and that's not the right thing to do anymore. Ultimately, to me, Dal's season two character arc is about vulnerability and trust. He's been in survival mode for so, so long, and now we watch him learn to heal.

You start with this boy who's spent the grand majority of his life alone or with people who are exploiting him, and the story takes him by the hand and tells him "now that you're safe, now that you have people who care about you, you can't live like that anymore."

All throughout season one he learns trust. Trust in his crew, in Hologram Janeway, in the Federation and in Starfleet as institutions that can and will help him and his newfound family. But as a captain,when he was guiding his crew through active crisis after crisis, trust looked like open doors. It looked like laying out all the variables and problems on a table so they could figure a way out together.

Trust looks very different on the Voyager-A. It asks him to have faith in what he's not seeing, what he's not being told. He has to believe that they have his best interests at heart, that he's not trusting his family to something that will try to hurt them.

Captainhood isn't just bossing people around for Dal. It's the responsibility of holding the lives of the people he loves in his hands. He trusts his own hands. He has the best interest of his crew at heart.

To ask Dal to relinquish control, is to ask him to place the lives of himself and his family into someone else's hands. Which, historically, has not gone great for them. It prods directly at his trauma, asks him to take undo and ignore the survival instincts that kept them alive for so long. Is it any wonder he has trouble with that?

Dal's not going around crawling through Jeffries Tubes because he's a brat or because he thinks he's entitled to know everything. He's a traumatized kid whose self-sufficiency, independence, and ability to make his own decisions were once, for a very long time, the literal line between life and death for him and his crew.

And even if he trusts Starfleet and Janeway in his head on a logical level (which I absolutely believe he does), there's still this instinct that's written into him. It's a process to learn how and when to turn that off, and that's what we see especially throughout the first half of season two.

This really culminates in the cafeteria scene after they return with the Protostar and Chakotay, when Dal advocates for the Starfleet temporal management guys to figure out a way to get the Protostar back to Tars Lamora. Dal was able to see that his hands weren't the best ones for the job, and trust Gwyn's life to someone else. That's huge for him. He trusts not just a person, but a branch of an institution he's never interacted with before, with one of the people that mean the very most to him. And Dal's able to give up that control, to place himself and his crew in that position of potential vulnerability, because he's finally started to feel it in his bones that he's safe here.

#star trek #star trek prodigy #dal r'el #protostar crew #is that a tag? idk they need a little name though so imma call them that #lou says things #lou writes things #you guys im a writing student and i had to physically restrain myself from looking up quotes and sources like my profs gonna grade me or sm #like i am so in acedemic mode rn #lou its a tumblr post its not that serious X'D #but also it's a little bit that serious cause dal i love you im on your side forever #also! if you have thoughts please please please reblog comment put it in the tags leave it in my ask box #even and especially if they're different from mine tell me your dal takes and i'll love you forever <33

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amethystina · 3 months ago

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I was reading your answer to an ask about your idea on Ga On not knowing Yohan was dead, and how that would impact his relationship with an alive Soo Hyun. It really stuck with me because I had actually been wondering about something similar, but with more of a twist. You mentioned not really liking it due to that meaning Yo Han was choosing to actually harm Ga On by not telling him, which sucks a lot. I guess I subconsciously had a similar feeling lol because I was wondering about if for whatever reason Yo Han was forced not to reveal he was alive (for example something went wrong with the escape plan or maybe someone dangerous is out to get him so he can't expose Elijah to danger, etc).

This would mean Elijah also wouldn't know, so Ga On would be stuck with the mystery of whether he's dead or alive since he saw the escape plans and maybe later finds out about the Swiss hospital donations, but clearly Yo Han isn't here. It could also be interesting because ofc he's guilty and doesn't know what to do with himself in the aftermath, but he needs to take care of Elijah.

This could also introduce an interesting dynamic where even though Elijah loves Ga On a lot, she also is angry at him for being apart of Yo Han's supposed death, even tho she's super angry at Yo Han too. And of course she's lonely and scared and still needs and loves Ga On, so that might make things more complicated.

Furthermore, we can see Soo hyun's dynamic with Ga On and see their relationship have to change due to their different values and experiences. I think that Soo hyun would of course be upset about all the corruption but she wouldn't fully understand the extent and the inherent corruption in the system. Meanwhile, Ga On, especially grappling with Yo Han maybe being dead "because of him" might have less patience for this and even become reckless or consider actions he wouldn't before due to his frustration with the new corruption in the system and his by-the-book efforts not being able to change things, too tunnel-visioned to consider a different approach like in your WHTD.

I think it would be really interesting to see Soo Hyun's dynamic with Ga On in a way that is two-sided and allows her and Ga On to be more honest with each other and expose, for lack of another word, their true selves or feelings that they were hiding for each other for one reason or another. I think it would also be nice to see Soo Hyun have the chance to fall out of love with him or move on in a sense, even if that'll be probably very tough. I would love to see her growth.

Of course I guess that the main mystery would probably be around Yo Han's "death", Soo Hyun investigating stuff as a police officer and maybe having to directly reckon with corruption in her job and how it is everywhere, and also the new powers trying to take hold after Yo Han basically cleared the stage?

I'm very sorry I overstepped with this ask, I just love your work and you really inspired me, so I wanted to share my thoughts and see if they might interest you.

P.S. This is just me spitballing now, but I think it would be interesting to see Soo Hyun's dynamic with Elijah, as maybe she can be a comfort for her, especially since she's conflicted about Ga On now even tho she loves him. Of course she's not immediately sold on her, and she knows she really dislikes Yo Han, but she tended to agree with those sentiments before and may even think they're fair game or kinda deserved, tho of course she may get upset about it if Soo hyun goes too far or really insists. It might even be a breath of fresh air if Ga On in his grief sometimes struggles to address Yo Han's flaws or focuses on defending him, even tho this is unfair towards Elijah and he regrets it everytime it happens. Maybe Soo Hyun even stays at the house a bit for Elijah and to watch over Ga On, which would be complicated for everyone, like Ga On might struggle with her being in a place he only associated with Yo Han with him not there. And Elijah may feel conflicted about Ga On and Soo hyun maybe ending up together out of her own abandonment etc fears (she doesn't know about Ga On feelings for Yo Han, tho maybe it gets obvious), so she might meddle or lash out, or sometimes even try to bring them together sometimes if she "just wants to get it over with" or smth. I would also like to see her explore not only the grief of losing family like her dad and even Yo Han, but also more specifics on how she feels about her mom.

Ooooooh, that's a really fascinating concept! And would also be terribly painful, in more ways than one x'D

But it would definitely put a rather interesting spin on Ga On and Soo Hyun's relationship. Because Soo Hyun would be alive to be told the truth about the fire and, as you say, have to face the corruption and such, but also deal with a Ga On who, for lack of a better word, would probably get a little bit obsessed with finding Yo Han. He'd probably tell Soo Hyun about his doubts about Yo Han's death and his need to confirm it, but it's more like trying to find a man he hopes is alive but also can't prove is alive.

And how would Soo Hyun deal with that? Would she write it off as a grief response? And try to gently tell him that no, Yo Han is most definitely dead and Ga On needs to move on even if he feels guilty. Or would she agree with him and help him search for answers?

To be honest, I think she'd lean towards the first — out of purely selfish reasons because while she's not proud of it, she kind of wishes Yo Han was dead? Because that means Ga On is finally free. Except she'd realise pretty soon that, nope, Ga On is in no way free. In fact, he's worse than ever and seems even more determined not to let Yo Han go.

Which would probably make her even more determined to "help" Ga On move on.

And I don't mean this as an insult towards Soo Hyun. I'd argue this is the logical conclusion someone would draw if put in her position. Like, sure, Ga On can claim that the blueprints and donations to the Swiss hospital suggest that Yo Han is alive, but the whole "he wouldn't leave Elijah on her own" is a very good counterargument. Also, claiming that Yo Han would fake his own death twice in as many days is kind of ludicrous, you know? (that fucking drama queen, I swear x'D ) So it's more reasonable to assume that, maybe, Ga On is just not handling the grief all that well and is coming up with wild theories to ease his own conscience.

Also, while Soo Hyun would accept that Yo Han didn't cause the fire, I'm worried she might still double down on the rest of the illegal stuff. Like, sure, Yo Han didn't murder his own brother, but he faked the trials and then murdered a bunch of people on live television instead. I think that would be difficult for Soo Hyun to swallow even if she did admit to herself that, yeah, the corruption is bad and those people would probably never have been punished if it hadn't been for Yo Han. But that doesn't mean she has to accept what Yo Han did. Only made worse by Ga On's insistence that Yo Han might be alive and his obsession to find him.

Basically, I think Soo Hyun might stay stubborn because she can still tell that she's about to lose Ga On to Yo Han.

And I think she and Ga On would end up arguing about Yo Han a lot. In a way where both of them are right but also wrong, and they're both too stubborn to reach a compromise because, for once, Ga On isn't going to bend to Soo Hyun's will because it's not just his own well-being that's on the line. He wants Yo Han to be alive not just for his sake and to soothe his own guilt, but because Elijah is grieving, too. And he'd probably get frustrated with Soo Hyun's insistence that no, Yo Han is dead, let it go. Because Yo Han secretly being alive would be good scenario, you know?

Except Soo Hyun doesn't agree because then she'd have to arrest him. And hearing that would make Ga On defensive because, sure, what Yo Han did was illegal but how can Soo Hyun say that she'll take Yo Han away from Elijah again? Can't she look the other way for once? And Soo Hyun would get upset because why is Ga On defending Yo Han all the time? And Ga On would get upset because no, he isn't, he just wants Elijah to be happy. And on and on and on it goes.

The fights they would have, my friends.

And it would kind of turn into an opposite version of chapter 38 of Who Holds the Devil, I guess? Where Ga On is trying to be what Soo Hyun wants him to be, but he keeps taking Yo Han's side because his guilt and grief won't let him do anything else. And Soo Hyun has never experienced that before. She's used to Ga On always taking her side in the important issues and now, all of a sudden, he doesn't. And I do think that would result in her falling out of love with him eventually. If nothing else because, sooner or later — after one too many times when Soo Hyun tries to tell Ga On that Yo Han has been a bad influence on him, corrupting his thoughts — Ga On will have to tell her that no, this is who he is. And who he's always been. And he can't keep pretending that he's all good and righteous.

He's not as bad as Yo Han wanted him to be, but also not as good as Soo Hyun tried to make him.

And, once they reach that point, a lot of things would unravel.

As for Elijah, I think she would flip into becoming Yo Han's biggest defender. Because, sure, even if she often talked shit about him, it still showed that he was her entire world in many ways. And I think her reaction when she finds out that Ga On told Soo Hyun about the document on Yo Han's computer is pretty telling. She didn't look happy at all. And I think that's partly because she felt betrayed — that Ga On would tell someone else something Elijah told him in confidence — but also because suddenly someone else is criticising Yo Han. Someone who might try to have Yo Han arrested. Someone Elijah doesn't know or trust yet. Her relationship with Yo Han is incredibly complex and full of anger and trauma, but she's undeniably protective of him.

So if she genuinely thought Yo Han was dead? Elijah would bite the head off of anyone who offended Yo Han. Especially since she's now gotten Ga On's explanation of what happened during the fire and, provided that she still believes it (which I think she will), it turns out that Yo Han was innocent.

And she just lost him.

And while she's probably also very angry at Yo Han for leaving her — and isn't afraid to express that — I think her sense of loyalty would still kick in every time someone else tries to criticise him. Only she is allowed to do that.

So, to be honest, I think Elijah would be pretty vicious against both Ga On and Soo Hyun. In an eerily similar way to how she felt about Yo Han while she still thought he was responsible for the fire. The difference of course being that Ga On and Soo Hyun would be better at helping her work through that anger, but it would be far from easy. Even more so if Elijah feels that they're in some part responsible for Yo Han's death. But, sadly, she'd still have very little choice in some regards since, well, who else does she have at that point?

So that's a terribly tragic aspect of this scenario: Elijah has to start another cycle of mourning someone she loves while relying on people she thinks are responsible for that loved one's death.

And, to be honest, I'm not sure I have the heart to do that to her >__>

But I find the concept of Soo Hyun staying at the house for a while absolutely fascinating. Because, to no one's surprise, I'm very fond of the concept of the house and what it symbolises in terms of family and belonging. And I agree that Ga On would probably struggle because Soo Hyun shouldn't be there. He loves her, of course, but she doesn't fit in. And, sometimes, he'd probably turn around and almost startle at the sight of her because it's just wrong to see her there.

It should be Yo Han, not Soo Hyun. Those two parts of Ga On's world shouldn't cross like this.

(Complete side note: Imagine Ga On going to Yo Han's bedroom on the nights he can't sleep — which is probably often. It's obviously been left untouched since Yo Han's "death" and Ga On while wouldn't dream of sleeping in Yo Han's bed or anything like that — that would feel both impolite and improper — he'd probably fall asleep in one of the armchairs more than once. Because that's where he feels closest to Yo Han and, most likely, one of the few rooms where Soo Hyun hasn't gone. Or at least not often enough that Ga On will have conflicting impressions. Everywhere else — like the study, the kitchen, Ga On's own bedroom — will have memories of Soo Hyun overlapping those of Yo Han, causing cracks and confusion. But not in Yo Han's bedroom. That room remains Yo Han's and Ga On would protect it like a sanctuary — like something sacred.

Because it is)

But yeah! It would be a spectacular and very fascinating little mess, wouldn't it? And while Soo Hyun and Ga On's relationship would unravel — much faster than if Yo Han had been present — it would also teach them to be more honest with each other. They would have to work through some of the issues they have in their relationship, and while I think they would both try to hold on for a while, saying that no, we still love each other, they'd eventually realise that their romantic relationship isn't going to last. Too much has changed. Ga On is too stuck on Yo Han and Soo Hyun's worldview is slowly crumbling, both when it comes to Ga On and their society as a whole.

They're suddenly moving at different paces.

And, while it might sound harsh, I think Elijah would prefer them breaking up. Even if she'd be angry at both Ga On and Soo Hyun, out of the two of them she'd no doubt choose Ga On. And as you point out, she has some pretty serious abandonment issues. So she'd probably be jealous of Soo Hyun and be afraid that she'd steal Ga On from her now that he is one of the few people she has left. Especially once Elijah realises that Soo Hyun already has tried to take Ga On from her by tryinf to find proof that Yo Han caused the fire. Because that was essentially to prove to Ga On that Yo Han was a bad man he should distance himself from. And, most likely, that would mean distancing himself from Elijah too.

So, uh, Elijah would probably not be sad at all if she was told that Soo Hyun and Ga On are no longer a couple.

But that's just my guess! Or how I would approach it, I guess I should say? My takes are always subject to change, though, as seen with my initial idea where I did a complete 180 and changed my mind about a key part of the concept x'D

Thank you for sharing! It's a very fascinating thought! Though, again, very painful.

Then again, what isn't when it comes to these idiots?

#Amethystina Replies #geniam #I feel like I might not have addressed all of the aspects you mentioned #But please excuse that #I'm not trying to ignore them or anything #I'm just feverish and should probably go to bed x'D #So I think I'll do that #I'm genuinely groggy x'D

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