#but I know how tumblr is so all I'm expecting is hate lmao so I don't really have any hope for a constructive conversation

[bamsara]

Why did you start writing? From what I can tell you put a lot of passion into the works you make, where did it all start for the lovely stories you make now?

Wayyyy earlier when I was 9-10ish, and even at that age I was writing a lot, with just pencil and notebook paper. I know I have written earlier than that, but I have no evidence of it.

I filled up an entire 3inch binder with an entirely hand written story about a girl who lives who her grandma and has a dog named Trout, almost dies in tornado at school and finds out the tornado as a sentient being that was trying to kill her because she has some connection to a random dude that can control the weather, and a elegant queen lady who controls ice that basically adopts her and turns her into a scout to find other people who have elemental powers. She doesn't have any herself, but for some reason she can tell who does, and then can steal it. I still have that binder in my closet. Would not recommend reading it though lmao

I started publishing my writing online, fanfiction specifically, when I was 11ish and totally not supposed to be online yet. My first fanfic I wrote and published was for Soul Eater, and that account and those stories are still up to this day. (cringe warning for the exact kind of thing you would expect an 10-11 year old to write) I actually had two fanfic.net accounts, this one where I wrote L4D stuff too.

I switched from fanfic.net to Wattpad after I got into FNAF and wrote a bunch of Fnaf stuff from an AU I had in 2015, and that AU is what led me to making a tumblr account that year, mainly to post my art for my stories. (I had always been drawing, too, but I didn't start posting that until wattpad)

And then I switched to AO3 around 2018 and my stories have been there since. I have, quite literally, been writing for nearly 15 years, with pretty much all of my work well-documented online since I started.

I hate my older works from when I was a teen/kid, and even work from just a few years back, and even removed them at some point, but decided to keep them up for archival purposes. Especially since you can kinda see how my writing style has changed, my standards in writing like the wordcount going from 80k at 11yrs old to 200k something for my long fics, my viewpoints and beliefs, etc etc. I am also very...picky about the stories I read, so if I cannot find what I want, I will make it myself.

Writing is absolutely the best and most practiced coping mechanism I've had since forever. I will write even if I do not have any readers. I still write things that I do not post online, so overtime what was something I deeply enjoyed as a hobby and an outlet to process difficult and low parts of my life becoming something enjoyable to other people is kind of wild to me, still.

And I'll continue to do it even if one day this account explodes or something. When I said 'Writing and creating art is the only thing keeping me sane' I was not trying to be quirky /lighthearted. I'll dedicate entire days to writing chapters in a row.

But yeah I've been writing for a long while, I'm glad you guys really like it! Look at my cats

[withleeknow]

i think you'll do well with requests bc they seem to be popular in the fanfic side of tumblr! but even if it doesn't take off that quick, at least that'll be less overwhelming bc some ppl can be so demanding....anyways, i hope the best for you in this new journey haha 💝

me personally, i'm not very creative so i'll leave the details to the professionals (aka you) but i'd like to req something from minho's pov. i think those type of stories are SEVERELY lacking in the lee know fics department lol 🥲 it could be a childhood friends to lovers where he is pining for oc but he has a lot of self esteem issues and thinks she's not interested in him. also a big softie and just all around head over heels for her. you can add your magic! (if this is even remotely interesting enough to write lol i just want a minho pov tbh shsjjfjdjdj 😭)

light years.

summary: three times minho bites his tongue, and one time you don't let him.

pairing: minho x f!reader genre/warnings: childhood friends to lovers, fluff, angst; kissing, cursing, so much pining i could hurl. could this have been more edited? oh absolutely lmao but i actually don't hate it sooo this is what we're going with :p word count: 4.2k note: to the first anon, thank you so much for your kind words! :') and i'm sorry that this took me longer than expected. i was trying to figure out what i wanted to write for your prompt but then i got the second request with the song and i thought they would go nicely together hehehehe i hope the both of you enjoy thissss

as always, i’d appreciate any thoughts or comments you may have, and please drop a like and/or reblog if you enjoy reading ♡

navigation / request masterlist / ko-fi

I'm not sure what it means to love But I blink kind of slow around you I'm not sure what it means to love But I'll grow wherever you do What that means, I don't have a clue

I'm Not Sure - Margeaux Beylier

One.

Minho is 18 years old, and he doesn't know what love is, doesn't really care for it at all.

While his friends are out there wrapped in the clutches of young love - the kind that blooms with stolen glances in classrooms and sticky notes passed in secrecy, Minho finds it simply unnecessary. He doesn't understand it whenever Hyunjin whines about not having a girlfriend because they're still young, they've got all the time in the world for romance later down the line. It's not the end of the world like Hyunjin laments it is.

Minho has his own life to prioritize. College is starting after the summer and he still needs to figure out how he's going to cope with the absence of his cats once he moves away. He's got dancing and he's got his other hobbies to keep him fulfilled and occupied.

And above all, he's got you.

You're getting ready for your sister's wedding when it happens for the first time. Or rather, when it doesn't happen.

You step back into the room where Minho is waiting for you on the sofa, his gaze resting idly on the screen of his phone, scrolling absentmindedly through his friends' group chat even though he has no interest in whatever they're talking about. You cough lightly to indicate your return after disappearing into the bathroom minutes prior to change into your dress. He looks up upon your soft announcement, and when his eyes settle on you, he swears it feels like an invisible force has collided with his chest and knocked all of the air from his lungs.

Throughout all his years of knowing you, inseparable from childhood until now, Minho has never seen you like this - all dolled up with your hair falling over your collarbones, cascading over your shoulders in soft waves that beckons him to run his fingers through. The light blue dress hugs you beautifully, the silky material catching the light from outside the window every time you shift on your feet under his steady gaze.

"So...?" you ask, moving your arms awkwardly behind your back like you're not sure what to do with them. "What do you think?"

What does he think?

Minho thinks you might just be the prettiest girl in the world. He thinks he must have been an idiot his whole life, to have spent most of his waking hours beside you and not once has he noticed how truly breathtaking you are. He thinks about the feeling that spreads in the pit of his stomach, sends warmth throughout his body and makes his heartbeat race a million miles an hours.

Your best friend blinks slowly as he savors the warmth that he's never experienced before. It's similar to the feeling you get when you're sitting under the shade of a big tree on a summer's day. It's comparable to the satisfied tranquility you get after you've just finished a hearty meal. A little hazy in your contentment.

It's not until you probe with a pointed Well? that Minho realizes he's been staring at you in silence for a few minutes now. He swallows thickly, willing away the words that he wants to say but they get lodged in his throat. He reckons it's weird to verbalize them, because it's not how the two of you function. You don't often utter that kind of sentiment out loud and he doesn't either. Never have and likely never will.

In the end, he bites his tongue. "You look presentable," is what he settles on.

You roll your eyes, then reward him with a laugh.

Minho doesn't care about love. He only cares about you.

Two.

Minho is 21 years old, and he's gotten used to his heart beating erratically whenever he's in your presence.

Three years flew by in the blink of an eye, and graduation is just around the corner. You've always done well in school, straight A student with a track record that most could only dream to have. You put in the hours, you do the work. You deserve everything that you've achieved.

But it's been a challenging few months for you both, being seniors and all. He's had to watch you struggle to stay on top of your classes while also having to slave over a thesis 24/7 until you were sure it was perfect. It reduced you to tears a few times, and Minho was there to hold your hand through it all.

He held you in his comforting embrace when you wanted to give up. He made you dinner when you were too immersed in your schoolwork to notice that you'd forgotten to eat. He was your biggest support system; if it weren't for him, you don't know if you would've made it through.

It's hot outside today, a little unbearable but not uncharacteristic for June. Minho waits in a familiar hallway, the same hall that he's walked past for hundreds of times over the past few years, the same hall that he won't see again once he holds a degree in his hands in only a few weeks' time.

As he sits on an old wooden bench, he bounces his leg as if he's one of the people in the classrooms that line the hall. He doesn't have to be on campus today, but here he is regardless because you're scheduled for your thesis defense this morning. You're in one of those rooms, probably also bouncing your leg from the overwhelming nerves. Minutes feel like hours; you went in there a while ago after he had sent you off with a pat on the head and an encouraging Godspeed.

He's nervous for you, but he's sure that you'll do great. Years of hard work accumulating in what must be the most important moment of your academic journey. You even stayed up all night last night, refusing to sleep a wink just to revise your arguments and talking points.

Minho's head snaps up instantly as he hears a door creak open, the sound of it reverberating throughout the empty hallway like a gong announcing your return from battle. It takes you a few seconds to step out of the room and into his line of sight. He can't see you very well with all this distance between you, but he can still make out the way your frame is visibly shaking with every step you take. He rises to his feet, and you break into a sprint.

He opens his arms wide - a hug of consolation or congratulations, he doesn't know yet - but he still can't seem to brace himself for the collision. You run straight into his embrace, your warms wounding around his middle tightly. Minho feels your tremors, hears your sniffles from where you're pressing your cheek against his shoulder.

"How did it go?" he asks gently.

You start crying then, and he doesn't know if the tears that his shirt is soaking up are those of joy or of grief, but he holds you through it anyway. He swears he can feel every single beat of your heart, hammering so wildly as you're pressed against him like you could sink into him if only you'd push just a little bit more.

"I passed," you say in between sobs. "I got an A."

Minho heaves out the breath that he's been holding ever since you entered that classroom, but it's not like he had any doubt about it to begin with. He hugs you tighter than he's ever had before, and he loves you just the same.

You two must look so dramatic, all wrapped up together in your own little bubble, but who the fuck cares? Although, when another student passes by and coughs, you do break away from him, a little embarrassed for a second.

Even with your hair all mussed up and your flushed cheeks stained with tears, he still thinks you look the same as you did when you were 18 at your sister's wedding. The prettiest girl in the world.

Minho wipes away the wetness on your face with his sleeves, then swipes with gentle thumbs at the moisture that's gathered along your lash lines.

"Holy fucking shit," you breathe out, your shoulders sagging with evident relief, so much more relaxed now that you've done it. "I can't believe it's finally over."

Your best friend can't entirely agree, because he's always believed in you. He's had faith in you since the beginning, since you were mere children laughing and crying together on the playground. You were meant to do great things, this was always crystal clear to Minho.

I love you, he thinks as he smooths a hand over your hair, his chest swelling with nothing but pride and fondness for you. You did so well.

But it's not what he ends up telling you. He swallows it down, washes it away with a dose of regret and longing. He's still not the type to express sappy sentiments, and he's grown accustomed to adoring you only in secret.

"Let's go," he says softly. "I'll buy you dinner."

Minho is still young, he's still got his whole life ahead of him, but he knows what love is now. He knows that it's you.

Three.

Minho is 24 years old, and he finds it hard to make peace with the fact that you're starting to get out there, that you're finally going on dates now that academics aren't taking up most of your time anymore.

To be fair, none of the guys you've seen have been graced with a second date, and Minho thanks his lucky stars whenever you return from a night out and text him a simple Not it. He knows that it wasn't your decision in the first place, that your mom and your sister have been setting you up on blind dates because they want to see you bring a boyfriend home.

You complain about it all the time, whining about how you're not interested but your family is adamant on it. Minho is well aware, and yet, there's a part of him that's a little shaken, because what if? What if the universe miscalculates and the stars misalign just enough in his misfortune for you to cross paths with someone who's absolutely perfect for you? Someone who's a good man that can give you what you've always deserved to have.

He really doesn't know what he would do if that happens. When it happens?

He doesn't know why you're here tonight either, sitting on a chair on the other side of his kitchen island in a pretty dress when you're supposed to be going on a date in half an hour. The guy apparently works for a big record label, some producer that your sister knows through a friend of a friend.

You look indifferent, kind of bored, as you watch Minho makes dinner for himself. "You seem miserable," he comments, taking a quick break from chopping vegetables to glance up at you. You do look a bit miserable, but you're still the most beautiful in his eyes.

You throw your head back and groan loudly, "Because I am. God, I don't know why they keep making me do this. These guys always give nothing."

"Please elaborate."

"They're all boring suits with tedious routines." you say, and as absentminded as your tone is, it sounds a little pointed to Minho's ears. "They don't make me laugh."

Do they not make you laugh, or do they not make you laugh more than I can?

"Then don't go," he snickers, though there's no humor in his voice at all. "These guys sound like duds. Just tell your sister to fuck off."

"Do you mean that? Do you really think I shouldn't go?"

And there's something in your gaze, something so suddenly expectant in the way you're looking at him that makes Minho wonder. If he says yes, would you listen? Would you stay here with him? Would you stay here for him?

I'm serious. Don't go. You can have this and I'll make myself ramyeon. Just be here with me.

You both stare at each other on either side of his kitchen island for an infinite stretch of time. He feels like your eyes are trying to tell him something that he can't decipher, as if they're sending him signals in a language that he never learned how to read.

For a second there, he indulges himself. He pretends that you're only asking because you want to hear him say it. That you want him to put up a fight and not let you go.

But he bites his tongue because it's become a bad habit. A habit that he can't shake because he simply doesn't have the courage to do so. Because if you stay here tonight, looking like that under the cozy lighting of his living room, he might just spill his secrets and he wouldn't be able to take it when reality comes crashing down and you end up telling him that you've never felt the same way.

"I'm kidding," he musters up the words, and tries to plaster on a smile for your sake, even though he's not sure if you really believe it. "You're dressed up anyway. Go and get a free fancy dinner, if anything."

Minho knows what love is, but his love has always lived in the shadows, his longing has only existed in the dark that it terrifies him just thinking about it meeting the light.

Four.

Minho is 26 years old, and he's been a coward for the better part of a decade.

Maybe he's loved you for even longer, but he has spent the past eight years head over heels in love with you, and not once has he done anything about it. Never been able to gather enough courage to ask you out, never even hinted at his feelings for you. He loves you from his place by your side and yet, you've never known.

He loves you the most, but he loves you in the worst way that a person can love another - he loves you in silence.

You're the prettiest girl in the world, and Lee Minho is a pathetic coward.

All these years, he's kept quiet and for what? There's always a spot reserved for him right next to you and yet, it feels like he can only watch you from the sidelines, far away from where it really matters, because he doesn't think he can fit into your life the way he truly wants. You taught him what love was, and love, to Minho, is unattainable. Something he can spend the rest of his life yearning for but won't ever have.

Love hurts. Sometimes, all love does is hurt.

"I would've taken you to a nice restaurant if you asked, you know," he says, putting a chocolate cupcake on the coffee table in front of you before he sits down next to you on the fluffy carpet of your living room. He pulls out a candle next, placing it right in the center of the sweet treat.

Your gaze follows his hand has he lights the candle, your eyes glinting with excitement as though you're a child again and your favorite day of the year is still your birthday. The tiny flame curves and bends, dancing to a rhythm that looks like only you can hear. You watch the candle like it's magic, while Minho just watches you, thinking the same thing.

He watches as you close your eyes and clasp your hands together for the theatrics, then you blow out the flame seconds later with a swift breath.

You turn to him with a smile, "I don't need a nice restaurant. This is perfect."

He blinks, and there's that warmth simmering in his belly again. He first felt it when he was 18, and he feels it now. He feels it almost every moment that he spends with you, and he reckons it's only reasonable, because you're his home personified and love can still be beautiful even when it hurts. There's his heart racing again, but that's nothing new to Minho.

He muses over your words. Perfect. Just one simple word is enough to get his hopes up in a way that it really shouldn't.

Your definition of a birthday well spent is in your cozy apartment, eating takeout pizza with your best friend. Perfect, to you, is him baking you a singular chocolate cupcake upon your request and being with him within these four walls, where his fingers occasionally brush yours when you sit next to each other.

Oh, Minho would follow you to the ends of the earth if you asked him to.

He clears his throat lightly, breaking away from your gaze that's full of gratitude and childlike wonder. "What did you wish for?"

"I'm not gonna tell you. It won't come true then."

Wishes don't come true anyway, he thinks, but obviously he won't say it out loud to you, and on your birthday no less. Instead, he diverts his attention to the cupcake, subconsciously tonguing his cheek as he takes a small chunk of the sweet and offers it to you.

You let him feed you even though your eyes are narrowed. "What was that look?" you ask.

"What look?"

"You had a look."

"No, I didn't," Minho insists.

"Yes, you did. You wanted to say something, didn't you?"

He shrugs, popping a piece of cupcake into his own mouth. The answer is yes, he did want to say something, but if you want to get technical about it, then he's wanted to say something for years now. He asks you the same thing every birthday, What did you wish for?, and you would refuse to tell him every time.

"Wishes don't come true," he verbalizes it this time, with a voice that's lighthearted on purpose despite knowing that you wouldn't take it that seriously either way.

You roll your eyes. "Now you're just being pessimistic."

"What? I'm speaking from experience."

"You've never had a birthday wish come true?"

"My birthday wishes haven't come true since I was 18."

Minho feels your eyes on the side of his face, and when you remain quiet for a beat too long, he turns his attention back to you. "What?"

"How do you know they didn't come true?"

"Because..."

Because you've been my wish for almost a decade now. I didn't use to believe in wishes but I always believed in you. Every year, I wish for you to look at me the way I look at you, but it never comes true. Every year, I wish that you would love me back, not just as a friend, but you never do. You are my wish, but you're also the very reason why I know wishes don't come true.

Then he's laughing, but nothing is remotely funny about this. It's your birthday and suddenly all he can think about is how much it stings to be reminded that you're the only thing he'll ever wish for, and still, maybe this simple wish is absurd enough that the universe will never grant him what he truly wants.

"Never mind," he says. "This whole thing is silly."

There he goes, biting his tongue again. Coward.

"No, what were you going to say?"

"You're so bossy today," Minho pretends to complain.

"It's my birthday. Tell me," you press on, and suddenly he can't find any appreciation for your stubbornness that he's adored all his life. You keep your eyes fixed on him when all he wants to do is hide from you.

What is he supposed to say to you? What can he even say? That he's spent more than a third of his life hopelessly enamored with you? That the second he utters any of this out loud, he knows it will be the end of your friendship?

And Minho can't afford to lose you. Even if it hurts, he would rather let love hurt than live in the absence of you.

"Eat your cupcake," he says instead. "I'll get some ice cream."

He makes a move to get up, and the bad habit further cements its place in his subconscious. He's always running away from you when you're supposed to be the person he can be the most open with. This is how he knows he doesn't deserve you.

But you reach for his wrist and it makes him still, the feeling of your hand sliding downward to hold onto his fingers. He's used to the feeling of your smaller hand in his, used to how he can hear his heartbeat in his ears whenever you lace your fingers together.

What he isn't accustomed to, is the look on your face this very second, akin to the one you wore two years ago as you sat on the other side of his kitchen island, asking him if you should go.

Expectant and hopeful; you're holding something back too.

The words that slip from your lips are ones that he never imagined you would say to him.

"I've waited for you long enough."

His poor excuse of retrieving ice cream is all but forgotten as he stares at you, doe-eyed and despairingly confused. "What is that supposed to mean?"

You take a breath, and Minho wonders if this is how he looked every time he wanted to say something only to back down in the end.

Then it all comes rushing out.

"For a while, I thought there might've been something between us, something more than just friendship. I don't know why I thought that, I just had a feeling. On the day of our graduation, I thought you would finally kiss me or at least say something, but you didn't. Whenever I went on dates, I wanted you to tell me not to go, that I was wasting my time with those guys that couldn't make me laugh because they weren't you. You never said anything, you never did anything. I waited every birthday just like I waited tonight. You're still holding it over me and I'm starting to wonder if you really love me too or if I imagined everything this whole time."

Your voice gets smaller toward the end, almost as if the uncertainty takes over you the longer he remains silent. He doesn't have the words for it, doesn't really have the mental capacity to process all of what you just professed. Years and years of longing, of hoping that you would come running into his arms the same way you did on the morning of your thesis defense, and it turns out that you were always the one waiting for him to reach you.

If you really love me too.

Your fingers start to loosen around his but Minho doesn't let you get away, not now and not ever again. Not when he finally knows that he's burnt up enough of your time just because he was too stuck in his head to see that you were holding a hand out for him all along.

He pulls you into his orbit and he likes to imagine that somewhere out there in the infinite universe, two stars collide when he kisses you for the first time, long overdue but still heavenly nonetheless.

He's crying but you don't seem to mind the tears. You're kissing him back and it's really all that matters. He can't think straight but he adores you to the point that his lungs ache.

"I love you," he mumbles against your lips. The sentiment comes out clumsy, half coherent but wholeheartedly sincere. "I'm sorry. I love you, I love you, fuck, I love you."

You're the one who breaks the kiss first, with your hand on his chest gently pushing him away. Panic instantly shoots through him like a lightning strike. These are the words he's been holding back for years, did he not even say them right? Did he fuck things up yet again?

You brush the tears from his cheeks, your voice so impossibly soft when you ask, "Do you mean it?"

Minho splinters into a million pieces, of course he does.

Your name falls from his lips, sounding like a prayer, like the most tender plea that's ever been uttered, "I love you the most. I'm so in love with you that it hurts. I've been yours for so long and I never said anything. Fuck, I-I'm sorry. I love you so much. I'm sorry. I-"

You bring his face to yours once more, shushing him with a kiss that makes him putty in your hands. You tell him that it's okay, and you kiss him like you forgive him. The world could be ending right now, and he doesn't think that either of you would even care very much.

Because you're the only wish of his life, and you kiss him as though you want to make up for the lost years. Because Minho feels like he's 18 again and you're the most beautiful girl in the world, wearing a smile that leaves him breathless in the most wonderful way possible.

all rights reserved © withleeknow. reposting, translating and/or modifying is not permitted by any means. [posted 06.05.2024]

[syn4k]

if tumblr existed in empires s1 then the dashboard would look a little bit like this i think

🏜️ cactus-abolitionist

MY CAT JUST RAN OUTSIDE IN THE MIDDLE OF A SANDSTORM IM

🌿 theres-no-place-like-gnome Follow

oh no are they okay?? i don't know how serious sandstorms are but maybe you could go after them?

🏜️ cactus-abolitionist

Sand blowing past you at upwards of 75kmh. It's also really hot sand. It's been known to literally strip the flesh off of bones wait post cancelled my cat just walked back in she's fine guys

9 notes

🏺 clay-the-dirt-man Follow

visiting the Mythlands today and me and my family found a neat lil natural floating island while hiking

🏺 clay-the-dirt-man Follow

to the people in my notes going "what the fuck": have y'all never heard of physics?

🥀 remorse-is-remorse-of-course Follow

OP WHERE THE FUCK DO YOU LIVE WHERE THIS IS NORMAL

🏺 clay-the-dirt-man Follow

western mezalea?? lol

🔧 verylostmechanic Follow

well that explains a lot.

🏺 clay-the-dirt-man Follow

Can I Help You

🔧 verylostmechanic Follow

ain't emperor joel dating a fish

🏺 clay-the-dirt-man Follow

yeah, they're married. Isn't Emperor Joey a demonfucker????

#dude why are the notes arguing over the ethics of being ruled by a demon 😭 what the fuck #op im so sorry

11,798 notes

🌸 prismarined Follow

...i'm in this class thats being taught by the headmaster today and she smells like weed. i'm not gonna say anything but like. what

🦦 i-like-otters

yeah the academy's just like that. as long as she's not like, actively dying or anything she's probably fine??? idk o7

#reblog

2 notes

⌛️ thelittlesandthatcan Follow

I JUST GOT BACK FROM A BUSINESS TRIP WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN THE COPPER KING'S GONE

🐟 kelpieselkie Follow

I DONT KNOW I DONT LIVE THERE BUT apparently nobody expected it either?? like some people are saying it was the Dragon Fight that did it (i know Emperor Joey came out with statements that Emperor Riffs actually helped kill the dragon and unleash the demon but its been two days and we all know that he hates that guy so idk) but nobody actually knows anything. it's crazy bro

⌛️ thelittlesandthatcan Follow

my mom said the royal housekeepers found a note from him alongside like everything he owned but they're not saying what's on the note yet. holy shit

237 notes

🐠 fishfucker997

this will definitely have an impact on the local trout population

🏰 all-the-kings-hen Follow

the Guardian of the Thirteenth Empire just died and you're worried about fish???? be for real omg

🐠 fishfucker997

have you people never heard of references in your life

🏰 all-the-kings-hen Follow

why are you interacting with me i literally have "codlanders dni" in my bio

🐠 fishfucker997

my brother in cod you literally reblogged this from me??

🐠 fishfucker997

they blocked me lmao

#how is this post only 2 days old

197,233 notes

🐪 camel Follow

she dragon fight on my copper king til i disappear

elvfish-deactivated-20210503

who the hell let a camel onto this site lol

🐪 camel Follow

You will die at age 87 with nobody to mourn you and no stars still shining to watch you go.

#911 i just witnessed a murder

87,546 notes

🌻 helantheia

anyone know who made emperor pearl's dress? it's really pretty :0

0 notes

📷 desertphotography

West of the River of Plenty, Pixandria

2,307 notes

[rafyki]

Goth! Nico/ Surfer! Percy AU Part 9!

I'm back!! I hope you missed me as much as I missed posting lmao This chapter wasn't planned honestly, I wanted to write directly their beach 'date', but then this happened and I decided it's gonna be one more chapter before the date - sorry xD I bet y'all are tired of this slow burn, but i promise they're gonna get together soon!

(I hope the texting format is easy to read here on tumblr, but otherwise you can read it on AO3)

Enjoy~

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8

You can also read it on AO3!!

~~~

Percy: Ehi, Nico! You have the afternoon shift tomorrow, right? Let’s hang out at the beach again after it?

Me: Percy, hi!

Me: So you really do know all my shift hours, huh?

Percy:  What can i say, Im a great obsever

Me: Huh, are you?

Percy: For important things at least

Percy: so is that a yes?

Me: of course

Me: No need to tell you what time I finish, I guess

Percy: nope 

Percy: 20ish right?

Me: yeah

Me:  see you tomorrow?

Percy: yep

Percy: see you tmorrow! 

Nico had been rereading the conversation for the best part of the previous night, and the first thing he had done after waking up had been checking his phone once again to make sure he hadn’t just made it up in his dreams. He knew the short exchange by heart now, yet he kept staring at it, reading it over and over again. Part of himself was afraid it would disappear if he so much as locked his phone and looked away for a second too long.

Their chance meeting at the beach three days prior still felt like a waking dream, like he had hoped so much for something like that to happen that he had started hallucinating. He wondered if hallucinations always felt so real, if they would let you to feel the water splashing against your legs, the warmth of the setting sun on your skin, or the pressure of a hand holding yours, the touch soft and warm, everything and more Nico had let himself dreaming about for the past months. The way Percy had smiled at him had been so beautiful that Nico’s mind probably wouldn’t have been able to conjure something like it if it hadn’t been real.

Still, it didn’t feel real.

Leo and Jason would have probably blamed the feeling on Nico’s self sabotaging tendencies. You’re allowed to have nice things, Nico, they would tell him.

Was he? Could he let himself hope that he could really have this? His heart was going berserk in his chest at the sole thought.

Percy had stopped to talk to him at the beach, Percy had taken his hand and held it while walking in the water, Percy had memorized his schedule and asked for his phone number; Percy had texted him first and asked him to hang out again.

For important things at least.

Percy had said that. Important. Nico wanted to scream.

His phone's sudden ringing almost made him jump out of his skin. It was Jason’s number, but it was Leoìs voice that greeted him from the other end of the line.

“Hi there, goth boy, so how ya feeling for your date today?”

“Not a date, Leo, shut up- and why are you calling me with Jason’s phone?”

Of course, Nico’s traitor heart stumbled on the word date. It wasn’t, and he couldn’t simply assume otherwise, it would make things awkward, wouldn’t it? And so far nothing had ever been too awkward with Percy - Nico surely wouldn’t be the one to make everything between them crumbling down for expecting too much.

“Not important-”

“He lost his phone”, came Jason’s voice. “Again. By the way, hi Nico”.

Nico rolled his eyes at their antics. “Hi Jason”.

“Anyway!”, Leo jumped in. “How are you feeling for your ‘not date’ then?”

“I hate you, Valdez”, Nico groaned, letting himself fall backward on his bed. His heart didn’t seem willing to stop running like crazy anytime soon, his hands were sweating from anticipation and tension.

“You’re freaking out, aren’t you?”

He put his phone on speaker just so he could set it aside, take a pillow, and scream into it.

Apparently, his suffering was extremely funny to Leo, because his obnoxious laugh came as a reply. “I’ll take it as a yes”, he said.

“Nico, I’m sure everything’s gonna be great”, Jason said. “You’ll have fun, get to know him better, and then-”

“Then you’ll finally date, hopefully”, Leo finished.

Once again, Nico’s heart skipped a beat and did a little dance in his chest. He threw the pillow aside. “What if I make a fool of myself though?”

“Well, your boy has made a fool of himself plenty of times already, hasn’t he? I mean, he knows your schedule by heart”, Leo replied. “So I’m sure you’ll be fine”.

Jason laughed at that, and after a moment Nico joined him.

~~~

Nico expected his shift at the kiosk to last an eternity, stretching on and on to keep him apart from finally seeing Percy in the evening. And, truth be told, the first couple of hours were just like that, long and boring and way too slow.

It changed when his phone notified him of a new text.

Percy: i got work today so im coming to teh beach latr 

Percy: ill meet you at the kiosk!

Nico’s heart was starting to become extremely good at doing somersaults in his chest. There were no customers at that moment, so he had time to reply, his fingers shaking just slightly as he wrote back.

Me: alright, I’ll meet you here then

Me: What time do you finish at work?

Percy: What, you wana learn my scdheule too?

Me: It's only fair, isn’t it?

And so, they ended up texting back and forth for a while and, after that, the time seemed to move faster, the day shining brighter, and Nico’s customers’ smile felt just that tiny bit more honest.

Nico’s internal list of the things he knew about Percy kept growing longer by the minute; he liked to text and wasn’t afraid to double text, his spelling mistakes were so atrocious they left Nico smiling and feeling so endeared it was almost ridiculous.

Nico’s nerves eased with every new text, his heart now beating out of excitement and anticipation more than fear and anxiety. The evening couldn’t come fast enough.

Me: Why are you spending so much time texting me instead of working

Percy: Why, arent you enjoying it :( 

Me: not what I said!

Me: i wouldn’t be replying if i weren’t enjoying it

Percy: :D 

Percy: im on break anyay

Percy:  what abot you, youre also on your phone instead of workin

Me: there aren’t many customers today

Me: no one to buy the same old blue drink

Nico put the phone aside for a moment, hiding his smile behind his hand and hoping that no one would think he was a creepy psycho smiling for no reason. He had every reason to smile. Flirting was easier through text, even if he kept spending minutes on end before forcing himself to press send. The downside of it was that it was way more difficult to avoid it when Percy flirted back.

Percy: aww you miss me?

He wrote and then deleted a reply a few times. He was lucky Jason and Leo weren’t there today to see him being like this or they would have made fun of him for the rest of their lives. 

It was strange. Nico was feeling embarrassed, but in an easy lighthearted way, and that made him feel just that little bit braver. Maybe it was because Percy was willingly spending his break texting him instead of whatever else he usually did; maybe it was the fact that he had the feeling Percy was feeling just like him.

He wrote a reply, looked at it for a few seconds and pressed send before he could overthink it too much.

Me: Maybe

Just then, before having the time to send a second text for damage control, a customer came and Nico had to put his phone down to serve them. His heart kept hammering in his chest the whole time, and his eyes kept stealing glances at the phone, hoping to see it ring. It was taking a little longer than usual for Percy to reply, and Nico didn’t know if it was because he had scared him away or flustered him too much.

When it did notify him of a new series of texts, he was still busy with new customers, and it took him all of his willpower not to make them wait while he checked his phone.

Finally, he thanked and said goodbye to the last customer of the queue, he moved so fast he almost stumbled on his own feet; and when he read what Percy had written, his heart was ready to jump out of his chest and start dancing on the counter.

Percy: me too

Percy: maybe

Percy: goot thign were seeing each other in a couple huors

Percy: cant wait

He read the words, reread it again and then again, once again feeling like they were nothing but a pipe dream. He blinked, and they were still there when he opened his eyes again. 

Maybe he really could let himself hope this time.

Me: me too

Time definitely couldn’t pass fast enough. 

[journalsouppe]

The Touchstarved DEMO by @redspringstudio! I had so much fun replaying this DEMO over and over, I truly cannot wait for the full release. The art is gorgeous, the writing is excellent, and I am surprised at how much I really loved each character, I expected to at least hate one or two of them like with My Next Life lol. I highly recommend checking out the DEMO if you're a fan of otome games or gothic stories!

The DEMO can be found here on itch.io or here on steam! All the stickers are from different Hallween stickerbooks from Michael's Art Store ^^; (ngl I think this is one of my favorite spreads, I even did do some studies of the color/rendering fhdjsf)

Writing typed below! (plus extra notes)

Rating: 9.5 (demo score - great demo) Played: Sp 2024 Port: itch.io Play full? Y YES!!!!!!

Comments:

First Route: Origin - Unnamed. RO - Leander

love you have a choice of 3 origins

GORGEOUS ART!

this game made me realize I do really enjoy otome games and not as a joke or for irony lol fjdkfal

from initial appearances I like Vere and Mhin ^^;

all the gold on the angel doctor is so gorgeous

killer music

okay I thought I wouldn't like Leander but holy shit --

LMAO NOT HIS SEX ROOM

LETS go I got the special Leander option on the first try

I need to do studies of this art oml I need my art to look like this <3

DAMN, now I'm bummed I missed the kickstarter, I would LOVE the art book

I need the stickers too esp for when I journal the full version

not only do I like the art, the writing is very good too

Vere is so pretty...

I LOVE all the fun marketing lore and illustrations on the Red Spring Socials

ooo damn does Vere have a red option or did I do his route right without one

only three red choice dialogue. 4 recently for Kuras (no Vere)-- Vere has one now!!! Kuras and Vere should have them whenever the DEMO gets an update ^_^

I'm learning I'm good at making the correct decisions lol

I honestly didn't know you could die until after I finished Vere's route (2nd route I did correctly -- 1st was Leander) and was curious what submit surrender did (aka I didn't die initially but went back to see what would happen(

LMFAO NOT MHIN BLUSHING WHEN I TELL THEM OFF pfft

LMAOOO and now Mhin is scolding me

amused with who has slept with who

deathly curious on how fucked up Leander will be

Kuras's nose!!!!! <3

I love the concept designs of Sen and Elyon, I can't wait to meet them

LMFAO 'BASTARD'

ngl I love Ais's mullet

This should not have been one of my first otome games bc now my standards are so high, esp in regards to character design

I wonder if the flashing soulless in the title screen means we'll see more soulless in the full game (than just the one)

okay damn I also really like Ais, these are some really well written characters

LMAO I was not expecting this music for Kuras

oh interesting I didn't realize Mhin's red choice was during your first encounter if you're an alchemist

okay Kuras is very silly and goofy 10/10 guy

ooo good theories about Ocudeus and control on tumblr - "obedience" -- reference to someone thinking the "obedience suits you" line on Ais's character card was actually from Ocudeus not Ais

Summary:

I thought when playing more otome games it would be really hard to beat My Next Life, simply because I am a huge fan of the source material that preceded the game. But wow, with the way this game is setting up plotlines, the full version of this game could easily make it onto my top favorite games list. Otome games are all about replayability, and the way just the DEMO is so rich with content and alternating paths makes me so excited and hopeful for the full game's release. I am bummed I got onto the Touchstarved train late and missed the kickstarter, but hopefully a shop will open around release bc I'd kill for an art book. The art is just so gorgeous and I cannot wait to do some studies, especially with color and rendering. Before playing otome games, I like to look at the character profiles beforehand and predict who I'd like and dislike. And I am very delightfully surprised that any initial dislike I had of characters all but vanished because the writing and personalities of these characters were so well made. I thought I was going to hate Leander but he ended up being the character I'm most curious about. Although I would say my least favorite is Kuras simply bc I'm not a fan of romancing doctors, I am still curious about his background story and connection to the others. In other words, great character who is just not my type. I am also delightfully surprised at the "vulgarity" in this game without being overly explicit -- I have grown so tired of how sanitized a lot of games and shows have been that it's always really nice seeing indie companies play by their own rules. I am so glad I stumbled across this game!! At this point I've done every route favorably but haven't tried all the "wrong" options -- more to play whenever I think about how excited I am for the full game! I've also seen the sneak peaks of an upcoming update ^_^. Highly recommend the game!!

[hangmanbradshaw]

Happy ho-ho-holidays everybody!! As a celebration, I'm going to be posting fic related treats (new chapters, new fics, one shots, story add ons, snippets, etc) each day, a chaotic advent calendar of sorts full of my (and your so voted) favorite things. I hope y'all have as much fun with this as I do. Some of it I have planned, some I'm taking the inspo as it comes so ;) you never know what I'll run with

Day 1: i find myself running home to your sweet nothings (IWTBY Part 3, chap 1) tumblr post

Day 2: sometimes all it takes is a thursday (javy pov one shot: After the mission, Javy watches Jake and Bradley become Jake and Bradley again, and then become more, OR, Jake and Bradley become friends again, and sometimes love is actually easy.)

Day 3: that little farm where every wish comes true chap 5 (hallmark sugar daddy au) tumblr post

Day 4: i talk a big game that i'm scared of losin' (one shot: Jake's a professor ready to jump back into the dating pool, Bradley's a little rough around the edges, and Nat swears they're perfect for each other. She might be right. OR Jake dumps his loser ex and moves to California to be near Nat and Javy. Nat knows a guy, and sometimes opposites attract.)

Day 5: and i feel like my castle's crumbling down (Bradley POV add on to rival princes au. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know where else to go.” All it took was nine words for Bradley's heart to rebuild and break again.)

Day 6: santa, can't you hear me chap 2 (Jake Seresin didn't want to live the lyrics of Last Christmas, but in the aftermath of a breakup, he finds himself meeting someone different, someone maybe even special, in the form of a reporter sent to do a profile on him. Bradley Bradshaw wasn't what he expected, but maybe that's a good thing. The rest, well, he can honestly say he never saw it coming.)

Day 7: take me home where we met so many years before (one shot: On the day of Jake and Bradley's wedding, three best friends look back on how they got there. OR the Seresin-Bradshaw guide to laying under the stars through all stages of life) (aka the FGCC's fault lmao love you guys)

Day 8: cuz you know i love the players and you love the game (one shot: Jake's the star quarterback, Bradley's the star baseball captain. They both like playing games, turns out they want the same prize. OR. Bradley dresses as a cheerleader for the team and Jake hates him (except that he totally doesn't))

Day 9: the set it up/football/baseball/fall in love with the city idea that almost was (before I went with IWTBY which I'd been dreaming up for so long)

Day 10: santa, can't you hear me chap 3 finale

[gilmore-angel]

if i'm on fire, you'll be made of ashes too | aegon targaryen ii x reader

summary ♱ you've burned yourselves out, now all that's left is the dull ash.

warning ♱ not much, two sad bitches, mentions of wine and sex, super short and bad quality lmao.

note ♱ I wrote this in 30 minutes keep your expectations LOW. hee hee ha ha anyways! first time writing about aegon!!! I love this pathetic little slut. I will be writing a part two for my first time w/ aemond fic so look out for that soon!! anyways love u angels<3

important ♱ if you like this fic please reblog! it is at the end of the day the only way to truly help out tumblr writers. likes are appreciated, but this app runs on reblogs<3

navigation ♱ library account @baysfics ♱

before you married, your chamber was a place of comfort. a place to relax, to unwind, to be who you truly are.

it's shocking how much that has changed.

since being wed to aegon, your chamber feels more like a place to fear than enjoy. it's become a place filled with unspoken anger. it's a place where countless pointless tears are shed into your pillow every night. it's a place that reeks of wine and self hatred. a place where the silence is so loud it makes your ears bleed.

yet you often find youself continuing to sit in your chamber and rot.

you sat on one of the chairs by the fireplace, staring blankly at the embers. even with the warmth just a few feet away, you felt cold, lifeless. a ghost stuck in her own mind, cursed to haunt herself forever.

the chamber door opens slowly, followed by a crash. you didn't bother to look, knowing it was your drunken husband. you hear his clumsy footsteps as he stumbles over to the fireplace.

he stands beside your chair, leaning heavily on it. he sinks of wine, cheap perfume and sex. you both stare at the fire, before he finally breaks the silence.

"do you hate me?" his tone is soft, slurred slightly.

you release a small sigh, "no..." you reply, your voice revealing how dull your spirt is.

he takes a deep breath, "do you love me?".

you stay silent for a moment, before sighing again. "no..."

he lets out a shaky breath, "okay..." he sounds defeated, but not angry. he clumsily sits on the floor by your feet, leaning his head on your knee. you absent-mindedly reach a hand down to fiddle with his messy locks.

even in moments of tenderness, that unforgettable dread still lingers in the air. dread for what? perhaps the future, or each other, but most likely yourselves.

[stormblessed95]

Thank you so much for answering me Storm!

When I sent that ask I had just come from twitter where some ARMYs where claiming that dropping Muse and Who to support Yoongi is what Jimin would want, that his album has been out for a month already so it not a big deal to move on.

I saw you reblog that post about Jimin standing with Yoongi, along with not seeing you post much about the hate Jimin has been getting lately, and my frustration towards those that are dropping Jimin to support Yoongi may have been projected on to you.

I don't expect you to be a "content creator", I'm very grateful for the time and energy you give to answer our questions and make thoughtful posts about Jikook and BTS. I have seen you post asks with reporting links before, so I was under the assumption that was something you allowed on your blog (especially for serious issues). If that has changed (which is fine! some people want their blogs/accounts/fandom spaces to be free of reports and anti discussion), I'm sorry for not knowing or not remembering!

It was not at all my intention to victimize Jimin, as I said people have resorted to saying things like "Jimin would want us to do this" and thus using Jimin's loving friendship with Yoongi as a way to justify not supporting Jimin anymore (or as much).

I have noticed that you hadn't posted about Yoongi! I was actually wondering if you were doing alright seeing as he is also your bias. I had even wanted to ask you if you knew some good sources to get information on what was happening, because there was a lot of misinformation and I was genuinely scared for Yoongi.

Seeing as this was a misunderstanding on my part, I don't wish to unfollow you if that's okay? Chapter Two and this recent year has made finding actual ARMYs who support ALL SEVEN members hard. I'm sorry if my ask made you uncomfortable in any way, and again hope you and your loved ones are happy and healthy 💜💜

I know we are all under the assumptions at times that our personal moral panic is unique and unprecedented.... But I promise that it's not, and it's important to remember that too 💜

Like everyone else, I'm not really okay with seeing all the hate and slander that's been happening lately. I want to cry if I think about it too long or hard.

To make things a little more clear, if you send me "what are your thoughts on *insert essay length ask or paragraph length ask over hate x member is experiencing*" I probably won't answer it. I'm not sure what it is I'm expected to say in response? Yeah, it fucking sucks. And I can say "report and block silently, do not engage" until I'm blue in the face, but that's not what those asks actually want. They want my rage, for me to be emotional about it. I'm not inclined to perform that for anyone here. I follow my own advice.

Which leads me to, the asks I'll post are from reporting links. If you see hate, and you want to ask me to help spread the word to report and block an account or ask for help in the best way to go about reporting something, please send it in and I will post it and/or give advice over it. And that is what you've seen me post here before. That is how it will stay

As for following me or not, you do you boo. I'm not here for the numbers or the followers. I didn't ask for anyone to be here actually 😅 the fact that the follower count ever made it anywhere over 20 is something I'm baffled at constantly. I've been on Tumblr for years solely as a lurker lmao so I still sometimes don't know how I ended up here... I blame Jikook. 🙃😂

And honestly though. Thank you for coming back and walking your first statement back and apologizing. Almost no one here has ever really done that before, so it's greatly appreciated.

Have a good day 💜

[edenprime]

if u haven't read it a lot of liara's more action-oriented shift was told in the comics. the shadow broker DLC didn't quite capture how much effort she went thru to secure shep's body and how big feron's role. i personally welcome the change and while i like archeologist liara i think her ME1 characterization is so superficial. she's mostly just a fan girl. the shift is abrupt but it's nice that in ME2 she has her own thing going on outside shepard cos i believe the writers wrote her as the canon love interest in mind so her character often suffers from the fangirl disease. i think a lot of people in the fandom dislike how the game shove her to us so much. which is funny since another famous shepard ship is garrus, who's equally as pushed as liara and is just as much of a shep fan. it's just that he's a guy so he doesn't suffer sexist hate.

I haven't read/seen anything outside the games, no! I've been thinking of getting into that, but first I'd like to sort out all of my feelings wrt the main event - the games. I feel like if I got into the "peripheric" media, it could maybe influence how I view the games and i want to analyze those by themselves (i'm thinking i'll finish this playthrough + another one in which i might or might not play as mshep) and then see about everything else. Thank you for the rec, though! I knew there was extra stuff about tali and garrus but this is the first i'm hearing about liara <3

And well... let's be real, most of the squad is part of the Shepard fan club, even those that can't be romanced, like Grunt and Wrex. The fact that Shepard gets a breeding request in Tuchanka after completing grunt's loyalty mission is like the most Mary Sue thing ever (and I don't necessarily mean this in a bad way). The asari, sex symbols of the galaxy, are throwing themselves at them left and right (Liara, Shiala, arguably Sha'ira, Morinth...). Shepard is the main character, everyone wants a piece of them. It's one of the entertaining parts of the games (or at least I have a lot of fun with it, if maybe a little bit ironically).

I suppose people might single out Liara because she's the one whose actions are the most extreme, and thus it crosses the line from "cute" to "creepy", but she's not the only one. Legion literally wears the armor off their dead body. As I said in my post, maybe her actions and/or attitude aren't 100% justifiable, but they are understandable.

I'm not sure about the game pushing Garrus as a love interest (I think the game itself is skeptical of the player making this choice, like when Shepard says she "can't believe she finds comfort in the arms of a turian" or something like that), but I do think he's definitely meant to be one of the characters that's most influenced by Shepard, regardless of gender.

Personally, I think him being so popular a choice (at least on Tumblr, which has a mostly female userbase compared to other social media) is due to him being a man, yes, but not necessarily because of sexism (or not always), but because het ships are farrrr more popular than femslash. Also, it's very clear how much he respects Shepard in basically every aspect, and it's incredibly fucking rare to see a het relationship in such equal ground, especially with a """bad guy""" lmao. (though ME in general does quite good in that regard I think, the romances in general are not toxic™️ or unequal) (mostly... ignoring that Shepard is basically everyone's boss... lol).

I completely agree that there's a double standard in how female characters are expected to behave vs male ones, and from what i've seen Liara is 100% a victim of this (I had the very bad idea of reading some threads on reddit...yikes). I don't know the fandom enough to know how it compares in relation to Garrus in particular, though, or if there's a correlation between Shakarian fans and Liara haters.

[thepeachyfaerie]

STOPPING EARLY ACCESS

Hey everyone, I hope everyone is doing well!

I have made the decision to stop releasing CC for early access. Starting July, all CC will be immediately public upon release.

There are a lot of factors that led to this and it's been something I've been debating for a while.

When I started making CC back in 2020, I didn't know very many creators and all the people I did know were either on TSR or on Patreon doing early access. I was unemployed at the time and decided it would be fun to do early access for my CC and make a little bit of side money while I searched for a job. Nothing really came of my Patreon, I think I made like $30 a month at most, until the 21st Birthday collab with EA came out in February 2021. After that, things kinda took off in a way. I got a lot more attention than I think I expected or was prepared to have, and while it was amazing, it also put an odd pressure on me. I struggled extremely heavily with imposter syndrome (I still do), thinking I didn't deserve that opportunity and it should've gone to someone more established in the community.

CC-creating became my job. I was making about $200 a month while unable to work due to deteriorating mental and physical health. I was in an extremely bad place mentally and wanted desperately to have CC-making become my career because I thought it would be better than an in-person job. In some ways, it was. However, in other ways, it introduced new issues.

I think starting in 2022 I was struggling a lot with motivation. I felt pressured to constantly make content to the point where I started doing the opposite. I love making CC but it got to the point where I was dreading it because I knew I HAD to do it, if that makes sense. I monetized a passion of mine, put insane pressure on myself, and I crumbled. Whenever I would do anything other than make CC, I would guilt myself so hard for not being productive.

Then the "paywall/early access" debacle happened in mid-2022. If you weren't there, basically EA had updated their TOS to ban permanent paywalled CC, however it was phrased in a way that made it seem like early access CC wasn't allowed. Many people, myself included, stopped doing early access CC to respect this. However, not even a week later, they updated their TOS to allow early access CC with a reasonable time frame (which has generally been understood to be 2-3 weeks, which I've always kept it within that time frame). Some creators stayed without early access, while others implemented it again, one of those people being myself. 

This... caused a lot of backlash, lmao. A LOT of people online were very upset with anyone who did this. In my eyes, I was doing early access to support myself through college while disabled and unable to work a "normal" job. To these people, I was greedy and taking advantage of the community. I got so, so many hate messages and death threats in my Tumblr inbox that I turned off anon messages, and to this day I still have anxiety every time I see a new message because I'm positive it's going to be hate.

I even got called out by name on a few occasions, which was definitely something difficult to handle while already in mental health crisis. One specific person was very angry I was putting Re/Gshade presets behind early access. 

I want to make something very clear. I understand. I understand how frustrating it is to not be able to get something you want immediately. I understand that The Sims 4 is just a game. I understand where these people are coming from because I know I've gotten disheartened when I saw someone had a piece I NEEDED but it was in early access. It's frustrating! However to me, I saw it as monetizing my hard work and time. I still think that's justified, however I know a vast majority of this community does not. That does not mean that the hate and aggression directed towards me was justified. At the end of the day, I'm still a person who loves The Sims 4, loves creating, and wants to share it with the world.

There was also the issue of reuploading. I know it's inevitable, people will share early access CC no matter what. I tried to tell myself that the only people downloading it were people who wouldn't pay for my CC anyway, so there was no harm done. In actuality, I noticed my patron number dropping. But at the end of the day, the money doesn't matter to me. It was the principal of the act. I felt really disrespected and like my hard work and energy meant nothing to people. I KNOW that wasn't intended by anyone downloading from these places, but I'm a very sensitive person and it still hurt. 

At the end of the day, I know that early access CC is hurting me more than it's helping me. I know that sounds dramatic and maybe it is, but I need to prioritize my mental health. I'm going into my 3rd year of college next fall and I need to start planning for when I graduate.

Will this change in the future? Probably not. I love making CC and I want it to stay that way. I don't know if uploads will be consistent at this point, if they'll increase or decrease, etc. I'm going to try my best but I want to work with myself and allow myself time and breaks if I need it.

All tiers will be converted to donation-only, although I will still offer my one-click CC folder for the $3.50 tier. 

Apologies that this got kind of personal, I've been ruminating on this for months and needed to get it off my chest. Again, I'm a very sensitive person, always have been, and at the end of the day my mental health matters more than any money I could make.

[sydneysageivashkov]

moroi dashboard simulator

🔥 burnthemall follow

you know I really think the alchemists all have to be repressed vampire fuckers. there's no other reason to hate us that much we're all so fucking boring.

🌺 goodqueenalex follow

boy do I have news for you

👊 rosilisatruther follow

so tired of how moroi-centric everything is. where's my dhampir sexyman tournament. hashtag dhampir rights

#janine hathaway sweep

🤴moroisexymantournament follow

👻 hrhtatiana follow

NOT tasha ozera sweeping the sexyman polls have you people no shame she literally killed the queen

🌊 piesandstuff follow

🔪 atheistwithabiggun follow

sorry for thinking an anti-monarchist milf is sexy ig

🍋 humanshit follow

all the court-based moroi being so scandalised about adrian ivashkov running off with a human is so funny like just say you've never stepped foot outside the wards and go

🗡️ dhampirrevolution follow

i love being on tumblr bc i can come on here and be like we should be able to kill all the royals with hammers. and everyone is like. yeah. but then i have to log off and i'm expected to let the strigoi kill me with hammers bc the royal i'm guarding won't even learn how to throw a punch.

🤖 raptorbot follow

hate it when I think I have an amazing mutual and then they turn out to be a human rping

#should have known when they said they were a spirit user but like #have you seen how many spirit users are coming out of the woodwork lately?

🧛 vampirevampirefucker follow

oh noooo mr strigoi don't get staked you're so sexy aha

🐦‍⬛ saintfladimir follow

and is jillian dragomir in the room with us right now

#so the queen supposedly makes quorum and then her '''''sister''''' is never seen again.... #sure jan. sure

👑 royalwatch follow

SPOTTED: Rose Hathaway, Dimitri Belikov and Adrian Ivashkov spotted at a dhampir commune in Michigan.

🤡 strigoicowboys follow

oh lmao do you think we're gonna get another world changing discovery this week

#isn't ivashkov meant to be living in marital sin or whatever

[oskarcore]

MY INTRODUCTION!! :D

︶⊹︶︶୨୧︶︶⊹︶︶⊹︶︶୨୧︶︶⊹

; i have no clue how to use tumblr so plz bare with me 💔

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; MAIN STUFF!!

; I go by Oskar/Jasper/Danny/Dexi (I PERFER OSKAR, BUT YOU MAY CALL ME BY MY OTHER NAMES)

; he/they

; trans ftm, pansexual, & catgender :0

; minor,,

; if ya wanna be friends, add me on discord! user is: zombipupzz (no age range!! Anyone welcome :3)

; I'm American and Filipino

; taken, (8/1/24)

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; FANDOMS I'M IN

Andy's Apple Farm, Baldi's Basics, Omori, Undertale, Deltarune, Cuphead, Kirby, Bendy In The Ink Machine, Billie Bust Up, Don't Hug Me I'm Scared, Law Of Talos, Endzone, Sonic, Mario, Spooky Month, SMG4, South Park, Eddsworld, Pizza Tower, The Amazing Digital Circus, Bugbo, Regretevator, Evade, Jim's Computer, Pocoyo, KinitoPET, Ramshackle, Teach The Cat, Chezzkids Archive, Madness Combat, Animator VS Animation/Animation VS Minecraft, Captain Underpants, Lucky Star, Sprunki, Fancy Pants Adventure, Pajama Sam, and Dandy’s World (?)

; fandoms I'm currently hyperfixated on: Law Of Talos/Endzone, SMG4, AVA/AVM, Sprunki, Fancy Pants Adventure, Dandy's World, Regretevator, & Phighting (this may change. Like, a lot :'D)

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

; ALL MY SOCIALS!! (well, most of them)

; discord: oskarpupzz

; roblox: katcoine

; vrchat: oskarpupzz

; tiktok: oskarzsleepy

⚠️⚠️⚠️WARNING!! PLEASE TELL ME YOUR GONNA ADD ME ON THESE SOCIALS SO I KNOW WHO YOU ARE (ESPECIALLY DISCORD AND ROBLOX)⚠️⚠️⚠️

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; WHAT TO EXPECT WHEN WE BECOME FRIENDS

; im really shy at first, but once i get comfortable ill get really hyper

; i send a lot of gifs

; i use emojis/emoticons a lot!!

; i WILL beg to play roblox

; once we're close friends i will wanna call/sleep call, i will also send voice messages!! >:3

; ill start yapping about my hyperfixations

; i get attached very very quickly :'3

; my way of laughing is HELP/HELP ME, LMAO/LMFAO/LOL, or IM CRYING/IM SOBBING

; i cant ask simple questions without getting embarrassed D: (for example, wanna call or play roblox)

; I call all of my friends silly or goofy :3 and I also call my friends dawg, blud, bud, buddy, pal, goober, buster

; i say random things from my clipboard or just idk say random words :3 its funny (to me idk)

; im rlly sensitive and overthink too much 😓

; i use tonetags!! (/j, /srs, /nsrs, /nm, /hj)

⊹₊ ˚‧︵‿₊୨୧₊‿︵‧ ˚ ₊⊹⊹₊ ˚‧︵‿₊୨୧₊‿︵‧

; RANDOM STUFFS

; i like listening to video game osts

; fav youtubers are: YuB, SMG4, Peter Knetter, Denis (Denisdaily), Flamingo, Laughability, Polarcub, SpaceHamster, StanleyMOV, Redshell, etc

; my time zone is PST (Pacific Standard Time)

; i pull all nighters a lot

; i LOVE cats!!

; my triggers are g0r3, jumpscares

; i hate SOME bugs, not all tho :'3

; i'm a multishipper!!

; thx for reading!! i feel like i added too much stuff on this 😭😭🙏🙏

[whatudowhennooneseesyou]

LMFAOOOOO RUBYYYY that ask ab ur mommy!hwa series 😭 i mean i kinda get that there might be lots of people like that person who may be uncomfortable about 18+ fanfics but like????? idk why they take those seriously, tbh. it's literally a FANFIC. i dint think those that u write fanfic for would even take their time looking their name up especially here on tumblr. it is very easy to scroll away and let other people enjoy the things that they do.

is it invasive to write stuff ab how he is in bed according to his birth chart? not really but quite? however, i dont think it's something people should take too seriously. astrology is fun. his chart is literally out there for free lmao. u're doing us (whose knowledge ab astrology and stuff isnt broad) a favor. it makes us curious.

and if it's a genuine concern, idk how hard it is for that person to use a tad bit nicer language. fuming mad for something they put themselves into ijbol like plsssss do urself a favor and as per their language, scroll the fuck away???? bahdhshshsh

GENUINE QUESTION THO: what does "mommy" mean when u use it to hwa? is it also like daddy but since hwa is intuned to his feminine side, he's more of like a mommy than daddy? LMFAOFI3IJRKGJJT SORRY I JUST DONT UNDERSTAND ITTTTT : (((( coz i havent read such fic w the same theme— using mommy to a male subject. hope i dont sound rude. ><

and.. pls post more about seonghwa's natal chart observations because i enjoy yours so much. they're very detailed and i resonate with it well since i almost have the same chart as him (as i was born 8 days after him) so yeah!

LOVE UR BLOGS SO MUCH! <3

Hey! The response to this ask is legit over a year late but better late than never and I have been excited to reply to this one for awhile.

For context, this was sent after I was sent a hate anon ask in my inbox stating that I was gross for calling Seonghwa 'Mommy' and analysing his kinks in my natal chart reading.

I just don't understand why ppl won't take the easier route and just scroll, like you're expelling unnecessary energy writing and I'm expelling unnecessary cognitive energy by reading it.

The 'should ppl write smut about real life celebrities' has been a question asked for literal DECADES now and i'm always on the belief that if you don't take it srsly- it's all good.

I just watched an interview with Ryan Reynolds who admitted to reading the smut ppl have written about him and loving every second of it-

If the celebrity I wrote fanfics for actively said 'I'm uncomfortable with ppl writing smut about me' then I would respect their wishes and not do it but until then, I'm going to keep doing it.

Besides, the members of Ateez know about the fanfics written about them from that time San googled actual fanfiction on Naver in one of his lives.

And so I think they're all probably okay with it and too worried about being an idol to care about atiny's writing smut about them

I personally think my smut fics and readings are on the same level of invasiveness as 'the way I would let this man *redacted* *redacted* me'- like it's okay to say to Atiny's but maybe not so much to the members.

(although if the members read my natal chart readings I would love to get their opinion).

MOVING ON!!!

'Mommy' is just another authority title you would use in the same way as you would call someone 'Daddy', 'Sir', 'Master' etc.

It's not an age-play/age-regression thing at all and ppl confuse the two, I'm personally not into age-play/regression- it's not my thing.

For etc, my fics all use the term w/o de-aging the reader in anyway.

I wAsn't the first person who has affiliated 'mommy kink' with Seonghwa, that title goes to @hongism when I read her fic many moons ago and was in love with the concept.

I just found that the title fit with Seonghwa in such a beautiful way with his caring but dominant persona and I found it's a great way of dismantling gender norms and expectations surrounding masculinity.

In terms of not finding other male idols who have been called 'Mommy', there are a few Mommy!Hyunjin ones (I've written some too) and he's a popular idol for the concept too but there are other idols I've seen such as Lee Know and Mingi.

If you go on my blog and type in #mommy!may there are SO many fics I've reblogged where the mommy kink is used for all your smutty needs.

That's so cool you're born in 98 as well! I was born in April too so I completely resonate with parts of Seonghwa's natal chart as well.

In terms of more 18+ observation...uhh I'm not 100% certain that Seonghwa is low-key an exhibitionist but with his Aquarius Venus and the fact he looks at Atiny's with such a lustful gaze when he performs...

The chances are pretty high.

[probably-a-plant-thing]

Axel is an idiot, good on u for blocking. I never interacted with him and he randomly contacted me over discord to call me disgusting and saying no one likes me bcs of the things I reblogged (normal fanart) this guy is 21, im a young teen. Idk how he got my tumblr either lol

Jeez. I'm sorry ya had to deal with that.

Honest to God I think my confession must've hit a personal nerve. Like he was one of the "lazy fans" I was talking about... strange.. anyway. I'll admit I was trying to start a fire in the fandom but more of one in the line of starting general discussion. I didn't expect a callout post that dumb lmao.

The fact he connected me from >:]c is so insane. Like cool, I did do that on purpose, but the most I wanted were some silly hate anons I could laugh at.

Tbh Axel was projecting on me pretty hard in the responses. Calling me a superfan or someone "wanting to make a change" was wild bro. Like... yeah. I'm so clearly a big eltingville fan, I draw them all the time n have them all over my blog.. Also the 12 y/o admitted to being his friend!? Like wild. Imagine literally admitting to the wack shit I insinuated!

And I can tell they're a child because they unironically think groomer = pedo. I never called Axel a pedo. I went "Ok groomer" after he dodged my question on why a 21 y/o man is friends with a 12 y/o. (Bonus points for his friend to imply my partners victim status didnt count because he was on my side. Such an ally)

Hope he gets help but clearly he shouldn't be in this small a fandom if that's how he's gonna behave. Not to mention he plays victim. Like bro, ya think it occurred to him that I simply didn't know he existed? And never would have if someone didn't send me it?

Whatever. I hope I live in his head rent free, it's the least I deserve.

[mxbo]

Me yapping about something that happened on TF2 today

I was playing casual TF2 with a friend now that there aren't as many bots (I SUCK like REAL BAD, so no way we're going to community servers, I would get OBLITERATED the second I stepped on one, also a lot of players on community servers dislike F2Ps for existing) and found a player who shares names with my light and it was really awesome

[ID: Meme recreating the interaction. There's me, my bestie, the random player we encountered and batman in the background because he was also there. My bestie says: “OMG! *redacted name*” and I reply: “Voice communication is not available for this account”]

(BTW, me and my bestie are not drawn with specific cosmetics, it's just our OC's/sonas dressed as the classes we were playing lol. Yes, he was pocketing me because I'm just THAT bad)

(BTWBTW, we didn't actually talk with them, just mentioned it in our private call because like it would be super weird to go “hey, you have my love's name”. Super creepy HASHSj. Worst case scenario, they wouldn't believe I actually have a partner and think I'm hitting on them or something. And women and people who pass as feminine because of username/voice already suffer enough on FPS games with people either insulting them or simping for them and not seeing them actual players but objects. Like I'm not risking (potentially) making their day worse ykwim)

Anyway, they had pink cosmetics and I think I shot a rocket at them at some point because I thought they were RED AHSA *insert video about the problem with team recognition*.

[ID: Screenshot of the random player with their name obviously censored not because of them, but because it would reveal my love's name and, like, I haven't consulted if I can just say it in a random Tumblr post AJSAHJ]

There was also a Soldier who had all the batman cosmetics and dominated me because of course JHS (they were super good at rocket jumping). I sadly didn't take a screenshot (THEY WERE SO FAST AND KILLED ME, I COULDN'T TAKE A SCREENSHOT) </3

Also, yeah, I'm a F2P until MY BESTIE DECIDES TO PAY FOR MY FRICKING PREMIUM UEYDEUEHR (hopefully this or next week).

Hate that I'm mute for the time being, tho. Because Valve thought not letting F2P accounts speak would solve the bot crisis for some reason some years ago. SPOILER: It didn't work, it just made the bots more difficult to identify and ruined the experience of a bunch of players (kids, people who can't pay for TF2 like me, and people who just play for fun and don't want to throw money at a corporation, which is completely valid). Thanks, Valve.

But also love the fact I own the title of worst TF2 F2P, like, that way nobody expects anything from me.

My steam profile backs this up btw

[ID: My user says “world's worst tf2 player” and my description “I suck at tf2 it's not even funny”. Also, my pfp is the spongebob crying meme edited to have my OC's hair and Soldier's helmet and says “I PROMISE I'LL DO BETTER” in the funny impact font]

I'm genuinely bad (reason why I play Soldier) BUT I HAVE SO MUCH FUN PLAYING TF2, I LOVE THIS GAME EVEN IF I GET KILLED EVERY X SECONDS (x being equal to the time I take to respawn).

I want to meet more noobs like me and play with them while on a Discord call and learn together (would also help me with my English, probably, if they're not hispanophone).

Or maybe even players who know what they're doing and teach me (but they need to have patience with me because I'm a SLOW learner and barely know how to WASD lmao, my spacial awareness in videogames is just like in real life: 0).

Someone interested? 🤨

No, Rom, nobody's interested, nobody cares LMAO, just go back to making userboxes and stamps and drawings and stuff

[anantaru]

Hi! Long time lurker here with some words of wisdom if you will. Gonna apologize in advance if it's too cutthroat, but know it's not directed at you with malice.

It's not your responsibility to cater to every person on the internet. It's not your responsibility to curate an image that makes other people accept you. All you can do is be yourself (whether that be actually you or your internet persona if you have one) to the best of your abilities. At the end of the day, who gives a fuck if someone is triggered by some offhanded comment? You kinda just have to think, "Sorry you experienced some unpleasant things, but I don't know you or your history."

Not your monkey, not your circus.

The issue with the internet today is that too many people are so fucking sensitive about context and self-imposed perceptions. Too many people have a victim complex with a snowflake mentality and it makes me want to blow my brains out everytime someone has a freaking melt down over something so little and once again self-perceived. To be honest, you shouldn't even have to apologize, but it's kind that you did.

From this moment onwards, I want you and anyone else who may read this to remember that it's literally not your responsibility to make anyone comfortable on your little corner of the internet. It's yours, post whatever the fuck you want. Anyone who attacks you is just a fuckin loser who can't cope with navigating life like an adult, or staying in a kids place if they're a minor.

I'm tired of seeing all this unnecessary discourse like we're a bunch of highschoolers or even worse, middle schoolers, jesus fucking christ. On that note, I hope you feel better, I'll be rooting for you from now until you decide to leave. Thanks for all of your hard work, and try not to let the bullshit bother you so much.

hello! 💕 i wasn't planning on answering any asks regarding this situation anymore but this ask really woke me up. i for one, totally agree with you and i have always had this mindset as well, like there's been plenty of times where i would scroll through social media and something would catch me off guard or even trigger me (which happens so rarely), but honestly guys, i don't care when this happens lmao, i just kept scrolling and forget about it in two minutes like i have so much on my mind in real life with my profession, i do not need something online to force itself into my peace and it's the internet, you will stumble upon something that might upset you.

I believe if you are on any social media site, you cannot expect everything to go according to plan, even considering you take the necessary steps and block certain tags (for example on tumblr) it can very much happen that you will still be exposed to it. at some point you have to realize that this world is not accustomed to you, nothing is, wether in real life nor online, you have to accept that there will always be different views and opinions that will piss you off or not align with you, make you mad or sad, but what you should never do in this situation is send hate or make it seem like a person is this awful individual.

you are not a good person if you bully people, and even if you show us all the awful things you had to go through in your real life, it is not an apology to bully people and you can attempt to make us feel bad, but i don't have sympathy for bullies, even if you were bullied yourself, especially then you should know how it feels like.

again anon, thank you so much! 💕 i was really questioning on how to behave on this blog anymore, it's a huge blog and i have found it to be a little overwhelming, but then I remember that my readers are the sweetest people out there and I know I have the best little corner on the internet here, with them by my side 💕 you really brought me back to reality, thank you nonnie.