#but I have wonderful things abt me ik i do
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feel like the sun the way no one will look directly at me in all my magnificence
#yah yah dramatic and I’m not that gr8#but I have wonderful things abt me ik i do#even when I’m all self loathing ik there’s still undeniable good here#anyway point is#all my best parts everything I love in myself#no one will even glance at and it drives me crazy#anyone who sees me looks so briefly#through some kinda lense that obscures me#and it’s all so so so shallow#o man not to sound like a 13 yr old loser poet but straight up cb was my moon#probs why I absolutely burned for him he reflected everything I love about myself & therefore loved him#but anyway. such a lonely experience. I’m here. Im bright#I’m not hiding behind a single cloud fuckin hell#I’m always coming at things with authenticity and vulnerability#and everyone is shielding their view I swear#look at me LOOK AT ME#I’m not gonna blind u#cb said when we met i stood out cos i radiated warmth#and this is exactly what i fucking mean#I’m tryna rádiate that warmth and ppl are like hiding from me going brrrr cold and dark here . can’t see much#then they switch on some god awful fluorescents to see what they wanna. badly#😔#whole self is going through it#I think this is pluto retrograding in cap again. cap stellium is displeased
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i haven’t been here much recently, and i’m sorry i’ve only been negative on the off chance i’ve been online, but let me just say one last piece before the end of this month, so that maybe the next might be better….
#or maybe my time here ends w this month…i’m not sure i guess it all depends on how i feel but as of right now#everytime i think i'm fine i open tumblr and immediately am sad again the whole app has become my doomscroll at this point#i got a notification on a random talking post from a while ago and it felt like reading the words of a completely different person#lately i find it difficult to find any joy here at all when it always feels so lonely… a type of loneliness i’ve never experienced before#everyone always has ppl interacting w them who are interested in their stuff or are always sent things that are reminiscent of them....#i’m always praised for remembering stuff abt other ppl but i wonder if anyone remembers anything abt me#what is it about me that is so forgettable am i dull am i uninteresting did i not solidify myself enough do you guys just not like me lolz#but i don't want this to come across as guilt tripping or being ungrateful to what i do have because ik comparison is the death of joy but#it's still hard to watch when it's so in your face and it makes me think if ppl only talk to me because they feel obligated to#because anyone can say empty words.... i wish my perception of things didn't turn bitter i wish i hadn't become so jaded but#over and over i've felt irrelevant cast aside overshadowed and i cannot exist in a place where i feel like i'm a ghost in the corner#idk i've never felt like This before and i'm at least glad it's something i can walk away from by just....leaving...#sad that this used to be somewhere i can run away To but now it's become somewhere i want to run away From#i don't know...even if i get over whatever this is...things will never be the same for me... i just don't think i belong here#if only i had never made this blog then i would have saved myself a world of turmoil
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anyways i care abt wtnv as a person who lives in a small town and is queer bc Yes Its Terrible but its My Home and i love it despite how much i fucking hate it and how much i wish it could change . Like Odifgtghhgjgj ALSO. with strexcorp and how many "outsiders" are coming into small towns to get away from city life Unknowingly Bring That City Life With Them and ruining the culture of the small towns And Also Capitalism Bad . like yeah they were so fucking right abt thatactually .
#ik im prolly beating. a dead horse BUT. im watching rodeo stadiums and farmland be replaced by Suburb Number 68#and idk i feel like the strexcorp arc kinda touches on that a bit. BC YES wtnv is a dangerous place and its filled with terrible horrible#things . but its also filled with wonderful and beautiful terrors and people who care about the town And Yes Sometimes Things Do Need To#Change For The Better but that shouldnt come at the cost of the culture of the town [<-NOT saying i adore the normalized homophobia here#but as ive said there r things that i kinda adore abt this town despite it. ]#and when the Damaging Change Came the town fought back . They fought back together and won BECAUSE they fought together as a community .#and it matters so much to me bc maybe theres a future where this stupid hateful terrible beautiful wonderful town still has farms and rodeo#grounds and small hiking areas and the spot down by the river where the sunlight looks golden and the full night sky and the snow that#covers the mountain and and and . Anyways im having emotions#welcome to nightvale#welcome to night vale#wtnv
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everyone BUCKLE IN i'm going to try drawing again for the first time in awhile
#every summer. i try and draw.#and every summer? i stare at the abomination i've created and wonder when i will get better.#NOT THIS TIME BABEY#MUSEUM OF FAILURE? NAH. GALLERY OF TRYING#nobody will be subjected to what i make until i am ready to share it btw#i am going to start with something that i genuinely am really interested in drawing (biggerler ball outfit)#bedause if i'm not interested i will simply not do it#ravenclaw mentality clawing at me again#ik we don't fw jk rowling anymore but like there was this one thing i saw abt ravenclaws a looong time ago#back when i still loved harry potter to death so like 2016 me#and the post was like “ravenclaws aren't even like necessarily good at school”#“they all have their niche interests and study THOSE really hard bc if they're not interested they're not focused”#and that has stuck with me forever so bad idk why#anyways.#i will be trying something#let me coooook let me cook!!!! (the stove isn't even on)
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i just realized- 6 more months exactly until my birthday- that's... depressing- 😓
#tw: vent(ish?) in the tags#i still feel a year younger#i feel like i didnt do anything this year..-#😵💫#idk i need to find smt to feel good about and i feel so close to it...#i feel so close...#but it's just not in reach and idk what to do abt it#the things who make me who i am haven't changed for the past year#im still the kid who likes drawing bsd and music#the kid who everyone knows but doesn't have that many close friends#😮💨#mid-life crisis as a teen 🙌#dying in my twenties 🙌🙌#(/half joking)#i just wanna hug#but i dont really know how to ask for one#(pretty sure my mom would wonder what's wrong and my brother would look at me weird)#ik i should probably just start making healthy life choices but i cant be bothered#just three more months of school...#then a month off...#then half a month later im back in school to start it all over again...#i just wanna go Home#batrambles#batdiary#sorry this is so long and so weird(if you even made it this far)-
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WAIT WAIT- playing through the current Mayoi event for the first time and ?? Kunikida makes perfectly edible food from his notebook which the others enjoy ,, which ,, idk I just figured organic things were off the table which once again makes me wonder,,
Can Kunikida create life (what would happen if he wrote something like idk, worm,,, baby squirrel,, or something do we know)
#THE way I RAN to my computer to post this HELLO?#Kunikida's ability is so ??? to me#like#hypothetically he can make money and fuck up the economy#or like? drugs?? he could be a drug dealer ig since he can make safely consumable things#WHAT on earth#so like#could he make life???#HHFKJHFKJF#sorry this is not important at all -#I just?? have always wondered specifically abt food /organic substances and life and now I have an answer for one of those#which is wild#so what would happen if someone ate something kunikida made and then Dazai touched ?? them?? Kunikida?? would it turn back to paper ?#in their body???#wait actually this is making me realize idk how Dazai's ability works in terms of kunikida#im actually the worst at knowing Stuff ik when he touches things kunikida makes it reverts but ?? if he touches kunikida are they still fin#kunikida would just.... not be able to make more stuff while Dazai is touching him?? idk I am an imposter and a fraud#apparently it feels somewhat off too so like?? it's not perfect and that's so funny to me-#do u think Dazai ever gets bitter he can't try Kunikida's understanding of food LMAO-#bsd#kunikida doppo#bungou stray dogs#came back to add fandom tags cuz I decided yes I do want ppl interacting with this actually I need answers
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from a while back
#my art#rare colored drawings#even if its just flats#i feel like ill only ever post art if i want to rant in the tags LOL its awesome#sometimes theres just those kinda vague thoughts and feelings that feel a little pointless to actually talk to people about yk#its nice having a lil blog to throw stuff into :) journaling i guess#i dunno i feel stressed thinking abt juggling all the different life things. its smth i see expressed a lot and yeah. literally how#i kinda think hmm i should slowly incorporate things one by one. but then its like damn life just flies tf by and youve done jack shit#but then when im actually doing things i feel like things just keep piling up and idk how long i can sustain it until it all falls down#i guess this anxiety kinda comes from having had really poor mental health during my school yrs... maybe i still do but ahh#i just wonder when the next time that everything comes crashing is gonna be yk. it feels so inevitable but the stakes only get higher#so i dunno. ive been having a hard time sleeping from anxiety.. which gives me more anxiety... which gives me even more anxiety#im supposed to be cramming these tasks into these little pockets of time but i blink and a day is gone and then a week and a month.. a year#i want to do the things i have to do but also the things i want to do. but also REST#and ik that the balance between those things is extremely necessary.. bc losing that balance is exactly how shit hits the fan#hows anyone gonna manage that?#but i guess learning to do that is what life is all about.... lmfaooooooooooooooo#time keeps slipping man i hate it#ill keep trying tho ✌️ all i can do
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I just saw a tiktok that was like "can somebody explain to me the 'absolute batshit' formula one lore there must be to incite 21k fanfictions of the sport" uhhhhhhhhhh yeah lemme pull out my powerpoint with 1k+ slides
#im not coming at this person obv bcs i do think theres like a huge learning curve w f1#BUT that being said there is an absolutely insane amnt of lore in f1 one cant even begin to explain easily#(ik this firsthand bcs im trying to make a guide for some friends and its impossible to condense)#first you must realize the baffling amnt of shared history they all have#then you realize there's prob fics posted for every single race wknd#and then also theres fics abt the past 30+ seasons(i say that bcs the amnt of fic lessens the further back it is)#not to mention all the different media(news articles videos compilations etc)#but like yeah...theres a lot of lore#i think i prob learn at least one new thing a day#but even if youre learning abt one specifc driver or pairing theres still like an endless amnt of info#i just thought it was funny bcs they were like 'what amnt of lore does f1 even have'#and its like god you cant even begin to imagine the depths#(me whos constantly stuck in motorsport and gettyimages hell LMAO)#im just thinking abt the amnt of lore that happens at even just one race wknd#(i mean thru watching full races ive learned so much info that I never even wouldve though to research into)#whoops sorry that was a lot of rambling#(as i said not going after that person but when people say things like this it kinda annoys me 😒)#(like its someone elses passion why does there need to be a reason for it you get me?)#(but that being said f1 does in fact have a crazy amnt of history and lore behind it that people underestimate)#(but yeah idk how to feel abt the phrasing 'absolute batshit' like bro its a yr long sport w 70+ seasons one would wonder)#(i think this person made a vid abt everything changes as well? so i feel a lil defensive like hey dont talk abt things you dont get :/)#catie.rambling.txt#f1#formula 1
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misery despair suffering etc etc
#purrs#delete later#two thoughts about separate things both causing the despair. thought / thing number 1 which i think ive talked abt on here many times before#but im saying it again: i am not good at being a friend in the ways my friends need me to be a friend. and in the ways friendship is thought#of societally i guess. i isolate myself constantly. i pull away from the opportunity to get closer with people i don’t know as well. i don’t#text back and then when im finally ready it’s been so egregiously long since it was appropriate for me to respond or reciprocate or#whatever it is i am so crushed by guilt and shame and embarrassment that i can’t bring myself to do it. i have so many unread messages and i#wont even let myself open them. and ive been like this for years. and i hurt someone very badly many years ago by being that way. and it was#more complicated than that but sometimes i remember it and how i acted and how i treated them. and i wonder sometimes if they check up on me#and i don’t want to be immature or weird or whatever for talking about it or wondering that openly. but if you do read this and you know who#you are: i am so sorry. i meant whst i said that i would never stop wishing you well and hoping the very best for you. and i hope you have#all of that and more. and im so sorry for not being brave enough to communicate with you or stick around. i really really am. and im sorry#to all the other people i have hurt by pulling away and shutting down and shrinking inside myself and not talking. ik it’s weird to post#that instead of just telling people directly but it’s the guilt. i am fully aware of how many people / groups of people i owe things to /#for but also just… miss. a lot. and want to talk to even though i won’t let myself. i don’t know why im like this and i don’t know how to#stop. but im sorry im not a good friend or even acquaintance or community member. and im talking to everyone now i guess including anyone#reading this bc god knows how many asks and messages i have on here. im sorry. i want to be a better friend. but i also never have spoons. a#and i also want to stay spoonless and cocooned on myself forever and never come out. and i hate that. i want to be a friend. i want to be#kind and giving and loving and generous in the ways you all have been with me. i want to hang out with people and send messages and be there#to lift people up and celebrate with them. but all i can muster is tapping like on social media and it’s horrific. i have gifts to make and#hello / checking in messages to reply to and roleplay starters to post and i just can’t do it right now and im scared i’ll never be able to#again. but it’s a self fulfilling prophecy. if i say i can’t do it then iwont. it’s not enougu to just be aware of it i have to act on it#and change it. but im exhausted and hurting right now and i have been for years and i need to heal first but what if this is healing.#idk. i rambled on that for much longer than i thought i would so nowim gonna say the second thing in a separate post. and it’ll be weird to#post about that in light of this and it’ll be weird to post this at all. but its been weighing on me so heavily today and i don’t want#anyone to think im ignoring them or not aware of being like this or whatever. and posting into the void is easier than telling individual#people to your faces even though i know it’s cowardly. im really truly sorry. i will try to get better once i have the strength to try.#actually yeah no not gonna say the second thing yet. it would be weird to say it now. this needs to sit a little first
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Did I ever complain abt that publicly idk anyways I need to get to the big city (2h to and 2h back, not much for the states but sure for me) and next to not wanting to bc cold, they gonna stab bc blood test and my body hates making that easy to locate (dif place but I will never forget the time I got stabbed like three times and still no blood so new appointment had to be made, I have a fear of needles otherwise it would be whatev), and even more risky bc gatherings were recently do I prob hate the most that like. I'm hungry.
I'm hungry and I suck at eating enough so I often go out w not much in my stomach. I survive but it sucks really bad that I can't either buy smth once I arrive to eat on the way back or pack smth to like eat on the journey bc no-one wears a mask and the virus stays rampant so I can't take my mask off until I'm back home. At the inbetween stop I maybe could but I rather won't risk anything. Esp in winter I could bring smth warm to drink w me at least but I rather don't in the crowd I gotta walk through. Least people are when I'm only a few mins away from home and at that point I can always just wait a bit longer.
Tbh I dread going outside and limit it to only shopping and appointments bc even if I could walk here prob somewhere without many people do I rather just stay indoors and try to limit irl reminders of how many people can't be bothered to care bc that just nosedives my mental health. It doesn't help that I still try to nudge my irl friends to care more.
#a wild lux appears#I also feel stuck in am I ablebodied or disabled limbo reg physical. On record I only got vitamin deficiencies#Ik my body is weak but that could be due to things that change if I took more care and the right stuff#Idk idk my state feels like it changes biweekly or smth#I just know I relate to some things#And also that it sucks since it started having to wonder if covid or the usual bc some stuff do I have since forever randomly#Idk idk I just woke up from a few hours nap I need to slowly get ready. Why can't the train strike start today already#(I also know that when I'm already done going to the city where I just sit could I not deal w going to a strike or smth next to anxiety#making me feel like passing out n maybe actually happening. I leave that to the people that can actually handle that)#Anyways need to get ready now hn#I will complain the whole time but I need to go. Hnnnnn#I just need to think abt the refill that I can't get otherwise. And then the next appointment is anyways only in 3-6 months again#Plus I got another one tomorrow morning so today will force me to fix the schedule enough so tomorrow won't suck#Bc otherwise I would just pass out fully now but like that at prob like. 18-19 then. Hn.#Hate the cold bc layers hate the heat bc I could pasd out you can't win w my body#At this point I just use the tags to stall I'm really off now to get ready OTL
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my flatmate asking me the day before "do u want to hang out w me and [old friend] everyone else cancelled so I can invite u now" is not the heartfelt offer she thinks it is :^/
#what am i sloppy seconds. fuck off man#i like them both but im not in the place to socialise rn + also it just feels kinda mean. theyve had these plans for weeks#and i wasnt invited bc some of their other friends (who ive never met) didnt want me there which is fair enough ig#even tho their friends complained abt someone else bringing her bf but they both blocked the veto for that. pretty sure ik them-#better than some guy but whatever. i dont rly like their friends anyway bc they only ever have bad things to say abt them#like damn they sound like they have the emotional range of toddlers plus theyre all into shit like genshin. so i wasnt fazed abt it#hope they have a nice time etc but wow sure now theyve cancelled the day before u can invite me as a replacement. yeah thatll do wonders#for the social and self esteem issues i have around being single use and disposable and always on the outside etc yippee#the thing is if i go theyll just talk to each other anyway and leave me to be the fly on the wall like they always do. they dont want#me there they just want an audience i literally have nothing else to contribute i dont think they even like me that much so!#anyway complaint over. genuinely i hope they have a nice time im just annoyed at being treated like that + probably projecting a bit too#its not like i could go if i wanted to anyway bc i have shit to sort out + mail to wait for. maybe next time invite me from the start huh#we had another old friend visit last weekend but those plans were really made without me too and i was just added bc i Live Here so its#kind of unavoidable. but oh well whatever it was nice to see them either way#im too depressed rn to fix my social life or even rely on existing coping strategies in social situations so im having to temporarily#cut it back bc i get too trigger sensitive + dont want to hurt myself or others bc of an arbitrary emotional overreaction#its usually one of the first things to go when im Going Thru It not in a self isolating way but more bc its one of the hardest things#for me to maintain + im pretty self sufficient so its not absolutely crucial. like of course i love my friends but socialising is a#want not a need yknow. eating/sleeping/exercising/hygiene are all more fundamental parts of the engine so i gotta prioritise them#and it sucks but ill survive. anyway sorry for venting on everyones dash so early in the morning i woke up grumpy 👎#i need to get breakfast and then go out. ughhhhhhh okay.#.vent
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i shld sleep oh my god
#🌙.rambles#i am somehow not rlly sleepy despite barely having sleep but my head does ache slightly. but just a few more stuff left in this week n#i'll properly rest for a bit ! bcs next week even though we're gna have a break ofc there's like.. prom n then that vacation right after T_#gna be fun but i'm. definitely gna be rlly tired. n.. nah i need to stop overthinking abt sm stuff#just. anxious that i might end up being too shy. usually in social events like that i realize i#end up pushing myself a bit too much n then it ends w me just putting on a strong facade#i'm worried too i think bcs two of my friends haven't.. reconciled yet? so. yeah it is possible i may have to deal w some stuff during prom#fuck. i'm just. worried abt a lot of things in general. but i'm mostly overthinking it. everything.#sigh in general i'm being too harsh on myself again. wtf maybe it's the sleep-deprivation or smth bcs ik i'll manage it all#i believe in myself n know i'm capable but. it's just.. overwhelming rn i think. n it. hurts bcs it's like before in a way..? n like my wol#i wonder. what we'd all do if we were hypothetically given the chance to be able to do whatever we wanted in a day n have whatever we want#without changing the reality we have now or yeah no consequences at all. just a lil day in an alternate world we could control#if you were to choose for yourself n only for yourself what would you do?#sob ig i relate w rinoa too bcs of that strong facade part. i wrote that for my wol too#but like even w all that in the end uh. every time i read these sort of stuff it comforts me deep down#bcs i remember back then when i rlly just had my family#that.. loneliness. i write abt it a lot huh. not that i'm exactly seeking for something. maybe before bcs i didn't talk w my friends anymor#but now i suppose it's just something painfully constant. but not really too#i can't.. put it into words rn n i'm low on sleep. but i rmb just daydreaming to myself back then of my wol's development though#from heavensward.. sorta hiding herself n having to be strong for others. though she so desperately just wants to let her guard down#n be free yk. a break from all her responsibilities n rest.. she's young after all. but while i do relate with that it's still#yk particularly w the context of my wol being yeah the warrior of light in ffxiv. but. i rmb writing of how then that was being strong for#her. n.. yeah she was healing from stuff then. that's hw. but in stormblood ooh i wrote here that she put her emotions to the side#bottled them. became more serious n i tied that w being a samurai main back in stb w duty stuff help this connects well but it's funny#hesitant in heavensward to trying to do things more on her own in stormblood to.. accepting it all in shadowbringers#shy/quiet was more in hw while being serious/calm was in stb. raghhh i rmb my notes well in 2021 but i'm so afraid to look at like#the stuff i wrote last year 💀 but. oh my this is embarrassing but i do like how i even just dump my thoughts. it's bittersweetly beautiful#maybe i'm trying to accept everything at once or yk putting too much pressure on myself to improve holistically.#like.. i want to write before i grow older than my fav charas yk? n then just think of lots of stuff too n.#be productive. study. n idk just more more more in general but i could be less harsh on myself. yeah
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venting in the tags yippeee
#damien.txt#gender talk time 🤪✌️#....................................................................................#screaming crying throwing up rolling around on the ground <- said completely deadpan#uhm. as always. thinking abt gender. and questioning. my whole life. bc. i cant stop doing that#soooooo like. my big thing. abt gender. is as much as im like. he/they-ing it here and irl. its kind of... complicated?#as ive gone on ive realized more and more that i dont. really. feeling Anything towards those pronouns#neither do i she/her. or they/them.#and just generally the whole Concepts of male/female? so like. im always like hmm. whats happening here#and other completely incoherent statements djbdhdbf sorrry anyways#i keep having these moments where im like. hmm. maybe. im leaning too hard into the masc. maybe i am not. he at all.#but ive like. really full committed to the bit yknow? like esp irl. all the ppl ive introduced myself to in the last 2 years have known me#as 'he'. and as someone who wears mostly masc clothing and generally attempts to present masc#and like. i bought a skirt a while ago and i was trying it on today and i was like oh. wait.#and before u @ me i KNOW!! clothing does not equal gender!! but there was just something abt it#and recently (the past like. year lmao) ive really been contemplating like. what i actually want out of transitioning or whatever#bc like. increasingly its become more obvious how... fucking difficult that is.#and the more i think abt it the more im like. bro its not even worth it for me? tbh? also like. sometimes i look in the mirror and am like#hmm. this does not feel better than it did when i hadnt transitioned at all. yknow?#like the last 10+ years ive been existing in this state w my body where im basically just. tolerating it. ignoring it. even.#and that hasn't... changed. after t. and ik thats not like the fix-all but its got me wondering if some of it/a lot of it#is just body dysmorphia? rather than dysphoria? bc like. god knows i have that too.#and just. idk. i feel Really Really anti-gender most of the time. would in fact. not like to be conceived of at all.#but on some level im trying to think abt it practically bc if that ^ is my thoughts on gender fr. i have to decide whats worth it#and like. i miss cool clothes. god men's clothing is so fucking boring. holy fuck.#and AGAIN i KNOW gender doesnt equal clothes but also like. i am Aware to the wider world it still works like that#and truly if i rocked up to work/class in a skirt everyone would be like What The Fuck#and i kind of want to!! but im also scared of that reaction lol#AHHHH why must gender be so complicated. i want to lay on the floor#lol there was literally more but i ran out of tags LMAOO sorry everyone. gender complicated. peace ✌️
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#truly absolutely no wonder the times when i hate myself the most is when i cant draw#not even in a ''oh i have to post smth way'' idc abt that. i just want to create Something. anything rly just for me just for the heck of it#whenever i try to sketch something it always ends up erased or undone or just. i cant do it#i dont know why !!!! i just want to make smth. feel smth during the process and like the result#but these past damn weeks have taken such a toll on me i think im losing myself genuinely#feel like!! m such a letdown i went and signed up for art events etc and i cant even give them my all and imjust barely hanging on a thread#rly all i ask to be able to do so long as im alive is to draw things. thats rly all i want#i have plenty of ideas ik hkw to execute them somewhat but every time for the past couple of weeks i bring my pen to the tablet everything#seems wrong. its never turning out the way i want to i cant see what i wanted to draw anymore til the point i cant even begin#hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh#mental health dropping isnt helping either screw you august im just. god#i should eat dinner maybe#duck rants about something
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not to just pop in and vent after being dead but im scared out of my mind right now i can't do this shit
(i feel like you probably know who i am)
-🪱
oh yo hey worm!! i’m glad to see you’re still around, i’ve missed you <3 and hey man don’t stress, i’m here for you whenever you need me to be, please never feel bad about needing to vent. i’m not sure what’s spooking you so i’m not entirely sure how to help, but trust in me that whatever’s wrong will soon find it’s spot on the shelf. the sun’s up and you’ve made it through everything so far, so you’ll make it through this, too. i love you (/p) and if you need absolutely anything i am right here <3
if it helps at all, i have no idea who you are, and i don’t want to know until you tell me yourself. if you want to remain on anon, that’s okay, and if you want to come off anon, that’s fine as well. there’s absolutely no pressure to show your URL, don’t stress <3
#i’m sorry i’m not able to do anything other than promise that one day it’ll be okay#but please believe me when i say that it will#i don’t know how useful that is to you but. it’ll be fine soon hun don’t worry#again there’s no need to feel bad abt ever needing to vent#ik it’s a common nicety to like. feel bad abt having ‘negative’ emotions and needing to get stuff out of ur system#but i’m a firm believe in that being total and complete bullshit#you have emotions. you go through things that suck. you shouldn’t feel bad abt needing to talk about it.#woah ok sorry. went on a tangent again in the tags hajdkfks#tl;dr remember that you’re wonderful and that i’m always here for ya <3#you ask clo answers#worm anon
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Best in Show || CS55 & CL16
☆ summary: charles’ sister is headed to the olympics and she’s ready to bring things to the next level with her fwb carlos
☆ pairing: carlos sainz & olympic!leclerc!reader
☆ f/c & warnings: none; slightly suggestive & terribly translated french
☆ requested: yes!! thanks for your request 🤍
ﾟ. ✿ ୨❤︎୧⠀✿ . ﾟ
scuderiaferrari has posted a video
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user3: i don’t understand how all of the leclerc’s are so perfect and talented
user1: the leclerc brothers are so 🤤
user2: princess of monaco about to eat up the competition at the olympics
user8: wait that’s insane only 6 athletes? the uk sent 327… y/n must be really good
user2: she is!! she’s been to the show jumping world cup AND she won the jumping international in monte carlo (both huge accomplishments especially at her age)
user4: their genes are strong and full of sporting talent huh
user24: they should’ve gotten carlos in on this interview. he loves talking about y/n
user18: no fr he very clearly has a crush on her
ynleclerc has made a post
liked by charlesleclerc, scuderiaferrari, visitmonaco, carlossainz55, oscarpiastri, and 879,001 others
ynleclerc: did someone say ,, olympics? get ready to watch your favorite duo (me and [horse’s name]) take on paris 😉
view all 876 comments
user6: HI Y/N (louder than everyone else)
user7: she’s so unserious i love her
charlesleclerc: and why did you have to post the last photo
ynleclerc: because i love it frère [brother]
arthurleclerc: why didn’t i make the olympics announcement post
ynleclerc: bc you refused to put on the glasses bebe
user11: the royal family of monaco is so beautiful
juliaanalvarez: looking forward to seeing you in paris
ynleclerc: you better cheer me on julián
user88: ik carlos is shaking in his boots. he’s got competition it seems
user99: no y/n anyone but a soccer player
carlossainz55: congratulations on making it to the olympics y/n 😍
ynleclerc: thanks carly 🤭
user22: CARLY DNSKSJF
user18: i ship y/n and carlos so hard
use r23: day 124 of wondering why they aren’t together
ynleclerc has made a post
liked by alexandrasaintmleux, charlesleclerc, yourbff, landonorris, francisca.cgomes, and 534,230 others
ynleclerc: don’t worry everyone - the party has arrived in paris and we already made it through the first round 🇲🇨
view all 546 comments
user12: oh thank goodness (i wasn’t worried)! congratulations on an incredible first round
user13: what do i have to do to be that horse
landonorris: when are you gonna let me take a ride on ya?
charlesleclerc: mate that’s my sister
landonorris: i was talking abt the horse
ynleclerc: i hate you landonorris
landonorris: no you don’t ma cherry
ynleclerc: CHÉRIE
landonorris: 😘😘
user29: lando is so real for this
user24: impatiently waiting for carlos to get here
alexandrasaintmleux: the prettiest girl in all of paris. i am so proud of you 🤍
ynleclerc: please get your beautiful self here quicker 😫
carlossainz55: paris is looking real good these days 😍
ynleclerc: you should come find out just how good it looks 😏
user23: whoa get a room
arthurleclerc: please stop flirting
texts between you and carlos
ynleclerc has added to their story
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user77: my god you’re gorgeous
user99: now who … sent you those flowers ms y/n? was it charles? was it julian? was it carlos? i won’t spill the beans if u tell me i promise
user34: i’m rooting for you y/n!! you and [horses name] are going to crush it
landonorris: i know i didn’t send you flowers… so who did?
ynleclerc: wait… you didn’t send these?
landonorris: y/n/n don’t play with me. was it him?
ynleclerc: yes 🤭
landonorris: I KNEW IT. so you guys together or?
landonorris: DONT LEAVE ME ON READ TF
charlesleclerc: y/n/n - i only sent you the white ones… who are the others from?
ynleclerc: my adoring fans!
charlesleclerc: arrête! [stop it] we both know that is not the case
charlesleclerc: just tell me who they are from. i’ll be cool about it
ynleclerc: no you won’t charlie 🤍
arthurleclerc: charles sent me - tell me who those are from
ynleclerc: no! hope that helps bebe 😘
arthurleclerc: are they from a certain spanish driver or an argentinian footballer?
alexandrasaintmleux: your brothers are insufferable sometimes…. but don’t worry i didn’t tell them who sent those gorgeous flowers 😍🤭
ynleclerc: my girl 😘
user87: wagering a bet that those flowers are from carlos
ynleclerc has made a post
liked by carlossainz55, scuderiaferrari, landonorris, danielricciardo, yourbff, and 876,456 others
ynleclerc: obviously not the result i was hoping for. we tapped the last bar on the last jump as we were about to set the fastest time. i’m gutted but at the same time i am immensely proud of everything [horse’s name] and i have accomplished. we are bringing home monaco’s only medal from the entire olympic games and for that i am elated. i think i prefer silver anyway 🥈🤍
view all 789 comments
user67: being the reason monaco is getting a medal is still an insane serve
user87: my favorite horse girl
landonorris: a medal is a medal - proud of you punk
ynleclerc: thank you bobby
juliaanalvarez: congratulations on a hard won medal!
ynleclerc: merci julian! glad we got to catch up 🤍
user57: back!! back i said 🤺
carlossainz55: y/n/n you gave it everything you had out there and you have so much to be proud of. i am in awe of you
ynleclerc: carlos 🥹
user55: this is so sweet i’m gonna throw up
user23: day 145 of wondering why they aren’t together
arthurleclerc: good job or whatever sis
ynleclerc: thanks loser
carmenmundt: you are an absolute inspiration! congratulations on following your dreams and making them come true 🤍
ynleclerc: i love you so much carmen
charlesleclerc has made a post
liked by ynleclerc, carlossainz55, pierregasly, scuderiaferrari, visitmonaco, landonorris and 987,654 others
charlesleclerc: we made it to paris in time to see y/n in the final event. ma petite sœur je suis si fière de toi. je suis pour toujours et à jamais ton plus grand soutien. [my little sister, i am so proud of you. i am forever and always your biggest supporter]
view all 999 comments
scuderiaferrari: congrats y/n on a hard fought silver! we are so proud of you
user16: wake up ! hottest photo dump of the summer just dropped 😭😫😍
user37: wow arthur is eating charles up in the 4th slide
ynleclerc: merci charlie. je t'aime jusqu'à la lune et retour. merci d'être là [thank you charlie. I love you to the moon and back. thank you for being there]
charlesleclerc: je t'aime y/n/n. i wouldn’t have wanted to be anywhere else.
ynleclerc: btw who even invited pierre?
pierregasly: why can’t i turn up and support my favorite leclerc?
ynleclerc: i’m your favorite?
pierregasly: no , not even close
francisca.cgomes: i’m sorry y/n! he simply insisted upon tagging along 🙄
ynleclerc: i’ll let it slide because i got to see you my love 😍
user34: so special that they were all able to make it to paris
alexandrasaintmleux: my favorite girl in the whole world is an olympic medalist! monaco and all of us are so proud 🤍
ynleclerc: don’t make me cry 🥹
user76: monegasque royal family is my roman empire
ynlecerc has posted to their story
view all story replies
user55: I KNOW THATS MY MAN CARLOS
user87: you ain’t slick id recognize that hand and arm anywhere. that is mr carlos sainz jr
francisca.cgomes: your brother resorted to calling me to see if i knew who was in this post 🙄
ynleclerc: of course he did…. he’ll find out soon enough 🤭
charlesleclerc: anything you want to tell me? looks a lot like a teammate of mine
ynleclerc: nothing i want to tell you charlie :)
carlossainz55: had a wonderful evening with you mi amor. let’s do it again.. and again and again and again.
ynleclerc: i had an amazing time. i’m already looking forward to our next date!! you may as well just come back to my flat now idk why you even left in the first place
carlossainz55: didn’t want to come across too clingy
ynleclerc: good thing i like clingy! get back here 😏
carlossainz55: yes ma’am
user27: begging to know how much charles and arthur are stressing over this story
ynleclerc has made a post
liked by scuderiaferrari, yourbff, carlossainz55, carmenmundt, landonorris, visitmonaco, and 789,465 others
ynleclerc: yes, you all guessed it! he’s mine 😘
view all 899 comments
user13: someone check on the user who has been counting the days since they started flirting
user23: i’ve been summoned!! all i can say is thank god
landonorris: it’s about time
arthurleclerc: i called it
user99: old money carlos is perfect for our equestrian goddess
charlesleclerc: so this is how i find out?
ynleclerc: you did say you were one of my fans so… yes?
charlesleclerc: you are on my last nerve
carmenmundt: adorable 😍
carlossainz55: my gorgeous girl 😘
ynleclerc: my man my man my man
francisca.cgomes: time for a double date 🤍
pierregasly: charles says i’m not allowed
ynleclerc: who said you were invited pierre?
user47: vibes in the ferrari garage in zandvoort are gonna be wild
user98: carlosy/n truthers our time has come
ﾟ. ✿ ୨❤︎୧⠀✿ . ﾟ
a/n: another installment of olympic reader wahooo! slowly but surely making my way through my requests. liked and reblogs are always appreciated
ﾟ. ✿ ୨❤︎୧⠀✿ . ﾟ
© norrisainz33 || please do not rewrite, translate, or copy any of my works posted here on to any other platform
#f1 fandom#formula 1#f1 fanfic#f1 imagine#f1 smau#f1 social media au#f1 x reader#formula 1 fanfic#formula 1 imagine#formula 1 x reader#charles leclerc#cl16#cl16 x reader#charles leclerc x reader#charles leclerc social media au#charles leclerc x you#charles leclerc x female reader#charles leclerc x carlos sainz#carlos sainz imagine#carlos sainz#carlos sainz x reader#carlos sainz x you#carlos sainz x y/n#carlos sainz x female reader#carlos sainz social media au#carlos sainz fic#cs55 smau#cs55 x y/n#cs55 fluff#cs55 imagine
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