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myoonmii · 8 months ago

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I keep thinking about Merlin’s love for Arthur and how it’s so clearly portrayed in the show to the point that it practically drives the plot of the show. However when it comes to Arthur’s love for Merlin it’s more subtle and sometimes difficult to even grasp, and I started thinking why that was, aside from the obvious fact that Arthur has a lot of trouble expressing his emotions affection or otherwise. I think it also lies in the fact that Merlin knows Arthur intrinsically throughout the show; he is one of the closest people to Arthur, and sees him for who he really is. Arthur admits as much.

Sure, Arthur knows Merlin but the main part of the plot is that he really doesn't know Merlin. Merlin wants him to desperately understand him and “see me for who I am” but he can't yet. And I think this subconsciously creates a barrier in the way in which Arthur can care for Merlin, and how Merlin can let himself be seen by Arthur.

Which is why I think he was also so hurt when the magic reveal happens because more than the betrayal of Merlin having magic, it was the betrayal of Merlin not letting Arthur see him for who he really is and for hiding a main part of himself. Arthur says it himself “why did you never tell me” that’s what hurt him the most.

I think the most damning piece of evidence for this is the fact that while we see snippets of Arthur’s feelings for Merlin thought the show, the biggest signs are in the last episode after the magic reveal; in which he finally gets to understand Merlin, and this time REALLY know Merlin, and as the barriers of what held them back from understanding each other truly fall away, Arthur evidently “falls in love with Merlin all over again”. We see him actually express himself to Merlin.

This is another reason why I think if anyone was ever to create another season of Merlin after Arthur’s return, it’s physically impossible not to make it about Merlin and Arthur acknowledging their feelings for each other. Because there is no way forward without them acknowledging how deeply they care for each other, obviously anyone is free to argue what kind of love that is, but its impossible not to see the deep love there either way.

They always knew they loved each other, just maybe never realising how much and what that means, because its almost second nature to everything that they do.

#merlin meta #bbc merlin #merthur #ignore me im literally just rambling #im not sure this even makes sense but i had to yap it out anyway!!#i think merlins love for Arthur surpasses his destiny in a way #He foresakes himself and his people just to ensure Arthur lives #but that turned out to be the undoing of them all #I cannot stress enough how insane this makes me #its sometimes harder to look at Arthur and understand how his love for merlin takes form #but the way he starts taking small steps to check in on merlin when he's being particularly quiet #or noticing the changes in merlin is a good indicator because it is so completely opposite his nature #and ofc the way in which he trusts merlin so completely #remember this is a man who has constant problems with people he chooses to trust #and he also shows time and time again how far he's willing to go beyond the accepted norms to also protect merlin #I think it was always harder for him to allow himself to open about his emotions #and it was much easier to keep it under lock and key to avoid it being seen as a weakness #Obviously thanks to Uthers A+ parenting which could not have helped #but as the seasons go on he begins to open up and thats no small part in thanks to merlins influence in his life #and when it comes to the finale they are both boiled down to raw emotion having to face each other #merlin emrys #arthur pendragon

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penumbra-mayhem · 20 days ago

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An Accidental Bridge

Sam/Darlin' fluff | 1759 words

(I hc Darlin' with a stutter; read here for more.)

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Sam’s mind was gently pulled into consciousness as a great horned owl called from outside his bedroom. He glimpsed at the clock on the wall. Nine o'clock. Still late evening, not yet time to be up. Enticed by the owl's promise of a set sun, though, Sam slipped off his blankets.

Bare feet met hardwood as he left the bed, eyes still closed in an attempt to at least stay half-asleep. He shuffled over to his window and pulled back the black-out curtains before feeling around for the latch. His fingers found it just as a sliver of a voice snuck through the silence:

“SSSam?”

He gave a groggy response as he opened the window, “Jus’ gettin’ someair…”

Darlin’ gave a low hum of approval and rolled over to face him. Sam made his way back over and climbed into their bed with all the grace of a drunk bat, eliciting a sleep-laden giggle from his mate.

“Oh, hush,” he grumbled, his smile unwittingly trickling into his voice, “I’m barely awake.” He drew Darlin’ to his chest.

They both drifted in and out of sleep, lulled by the owl’s repeated call. The cool air of early night seeped into their room; the two snuggled further under the covers in response.

"I can feel your magic,” Sam mumbled. It was an uncommon sensation; usually, Darlin' only let their magic extend beyond themself when they felt safe. And they rarely felt safe.

“Yours t-t-too...”

“Feel good?”

Sam felt them nod. He gave them a small kiss before asking, “What’s it feel like?”

Darlin’ drew sleepy circles on his chest as they tuned into his magic. After a few moments of silence, they spoke—slowly, like they were savoring a flavor in their mouth:

“It’s l-l-like….sinking into a wwwarm b-b-bath..it’s like a…b-b-bass…low and in-in the b-back…thrumming…ocean wwwaves under a full mmmoon…immmmense…soothing…l-like aloe v-vera on skin after a-a sunny day…”

Joy swelled in Sam's chest and he tightened his arms around them. “I love the way you put that, darlin’,” he murmured.

Darlin’ smiled softly, sleep tugging at them. “How's mmmine?”

“Yours? Mmm…” Sam allowed Darlin’s magic to seep into him. “Your magic…is like fireworks. Those kinds that you light and then toss into the street to see them spin real quick and change colors…you’re the buzz after a concert...the windswept euphoria when you get off a roller coaster…you’re stargazin' durin' a meteor shower…your magic feels like…like…”

Home.

Darlin’ jumped.

They pushed themself up a bit and stared at Sam with wide eyes.

“What? What is it?” he asked, staring back in concern.

They shook their head. “Fuck, I-I-I heard y-you in-in mmmmy head.”

Sam mouthed a small ‘oh’. Seeing that Darlin’ was more startled than scared, he relaxed slightly. “You think we might of bridged?”

Darlin’ gave a small nod. “I-I didn’t mmmmean t-t-to.”

“Me neither,” Sam assured them, “Guess we were just…in tune with each other.”

They dropped their gaze. "I...I-I haven't d-d-d-done that in-in...in a l-l-l-long t-t-time."

"Me neither," Sam replied. He studied them a moment before asking, "Are you okay?"

They nodded again. "Are-are y-you?"

Sam couldn't help but smile. "Yeah, I'm okay. I'm just worried about you."

Darlin' lowered their head back onto his chest. “I-I’m fine. J-just…surprised mmme,” they muttered, trying to slow Sam's heartrate with their words.

Sam ran one hand up and down their back, with the other in their hair. When he felt like they had both reached a state of calm again, he asked, “Is that somethin' you’d be interested in doin' with me?"

After no response, he added, "S'alright if the answer’s no.”

"You don't wwwant that. N-not wwwwith mmme."

Shut down. It was the kind of response he often got from them. It was the kind of response he couldn't stand. He knew it was a form of protection, and they had been getting better about it. But still, every so often, Darlin' would deny him or themself something in the belief that they were broken or unworthy or dangerous. Every time, it simultaneously burned Sam's heart and broke it.

"Why do you say that?" he asked, trying to keep his tone gentle.

Darlin' bit the inside of their cheek. When he was met with no response again, Sam kissed the top of their head and entreated, "Please, Darlin'. You don't have to speak quick. You don't even have to give an explanation. But please don't ignore me entirely."

Fuck. How could words spoken soft as candlelight twist guilt into their gut like a knife? Darlin' buried their face into Sam's chest, breathing in his scent. It steadied them.

Finally, they responded, their voice muffled by Sam's sleepshirt, "It...fucking s-sucks…in-in mmmy head."

There it was.

Sam sighed, "That may be true, for you. But that doesn't mean I don't want to bridge with you. I'm not scared of your thoughts, darlin'."

"B-but you should b-be.”

"But I'm not," Sam pushed back, just a little. Silence fell between them, and he let it. Darlin' had answered his question. There was no point in trying to convince them how he felt. He kissed their head once again in silent reassurance that he was not mad and closed his eyes, hoping to get a bit more sleep.

Darlin' bit harder at the inside of their cheek, their mind buzzing with frustration. The owl outside made itself known again; Darlin' laid in indecision as they listened to it call over and over. They could feel Sam's magic—not reaching out but still present. His magic was safe. He was safe. He was strong. Stronger than they were. Braver. Calmer. Steadier.

When Darlin' finally spoke, their voice was small and soft and scared:

"I-I wwwwant t-to try...if-if you also wwwant t-to."

Sam felt his heart skip. He craned his neck to the side to make eye contact with Darlin' as he asked, "You sure? I don't want you doin' this if you're not really wantin’ it."

"You-you give mmme all of you. I-I wwant to do the same. E-Even if it scares mme," they whispered, "I-I wwwant t-to b-be b-brave for you."

"You don't have to."

"B-but I wwant t-to."

Sam studied their face for a moment before kissing their forehead and whispering, "Alright. Thank you, darlin'. But if we start and you don’t like it, you tell me and we’ll stop, okay?”

“Okay.”

“Good…is there a certain way you want to lay or sit?"

"N-n-no. You?"

"Nah, this is perfect."

Sam closed his eyes and leaned his head back against his pillow, running his hand through Darlin's hair. Darlin' closed their eyes as well, listening to Sam's heart.

It was quick. Almost as quick as the first time. When the bridge reformed, Sam could feel Darlin's body tense against his. Through the bridge, he felt the tension in his own muscles. He kissed the top of their head.

It's okay. You're safe.

“Fuck.” Fuck, woah, that's fucking weird.

I'm going to fuck this up.

I shouldn't have done this.

I'm just going to hurt you—

—hey, hey, it's ok.

Fuck, sorry, I'll try to quiet down...

...Do you think anyone's ever tried bridging with more than one person at one time?

If you can do that, could you make a true hive mind?

Bee people. Bee shifters? Are there any insect shifters—

—fuck! Sorry!

"SSSorry..." Darlin' muttered. Sam giggled and stroked Darlin's head. The sensation soothed them both.

You're alright, darlin'.

I don’t mind your thoughts.

But you should—

—shut up, Tank—

—fuck, I wish I would just shut up!

Sorry…

...Your head is so quiet.

Shit, I don't mean quiet like empty I just—

—god I am such an ass!

You're not an ass, darlin'.

Damn, I love you.

I love you.

"I love you, darlin'."

Darlin’s body went lax at the assurance. Their mind stilled for just a moment. Tap tap tap. Darlin’ tapped Sam’s chest three times—a gesture he’d come to learn meant ‘I love you’. The feeling of their own fingers echoed against Darlin’s chest.

I love you, too.

So much.

Fuck what time is it?

Shit, we’ve got to get up soon.

Do we?

It’s…Saturday? Yeah, Saturday.

Fuck yeah, we can stay in bed.

We could make breakfast.

More like you could make breakfast, I’m shit at cooking.

I’m shit at most things.

I don’t even think I’m doing this right—

—you’re doin’ just fine, pup.

Sam’s heart skipped as he realized what he’d just thought. Or maybe it was Darlin’s heart skipping, he couldn’t quite tell. His eyes shot open, and he looked down at Darlin’, whose face was already turning red. Sam’s own face began to burn too.

“Fuck, Darlin’, I’m so sorry.” I’m sorry.

I didn’t mean to think that.

That wasn’t appropriate.

I should have asked before—

—fuck…

For once, Darlin’s head was quiet. Like static. Sam’s stomach fluttered. Or maybe it was Darlin’s. The bridge was somehow deepening, and Sam struggled to differentiate where the feelings were originating.

I know wolves can be particular with those kinds of names.

Especially when their mates aren’t wolves.

I should have asked.

I’m sorry, I didn’t mean…

Sam’s thoughts slowed as Darlin’ pressed a soft kiss to his lips. They buried their face into his neck.

“Darlin’?”

I liked that.

You…what? "What?"

Darlin’ groaned quietly, “I-I liked it.”

Call me it again—

—wait, I mean, uh, um…

A grin stretched across Sam’s face. “Oh yeah?” he cooed, stroking the nape of Darlin’s neck.

You like bein’ called pup?

Sam giggled as his stomach fluttered at the word; this time he could tell that feeling definitely came from Darlin’.

You just a little puppy?

My puppy?

“SSSSSaaaammm…” Darlin’ whined.

Sam pulled his body back a bit. Darlin’ turned their head to look up at him. The blush on their cheeks made Sam swoon, but he still had to be sure:

“I can stop, darlin’,” Sam said, his voice soft but serious.

Darlin’ shook their head. “N-no.” It’s just, nobody’s ever called me that…

Sam couldn’t stop grinning. Their blush. The way they ducked their head and avoided his eyes. The weakness in their voice. He rarely saw Darlin’ so bashful.

Well it’s about time…

My sweet puppy…

C’mere… "C'mere."

Darlin’ hummed as they curled themself around Sam once more, tangling their limbs with his. Sam ran his hands through their hair as they traced their fingers over his chest. The two sank into repose as their sensations and thoughts melded and lost origin.

Sam breathed deep and murmured, “Such a good pup.”

Your pup.

#I'M FINALLY DONE WITH THIS FIC #IT TOOK WEEKS CAUSE I COULDN'T FIGURE OUT WHAT TO DO WITH IT/WHERE TO TAKE IT #anyway i tried to show intrusive/unintentional thoughts with the small font but idk how effectively it came across #also sam and darlin are green and purple respectively in part because i feel like those are their colors #and also in part because i love that color combo #(tho i do love orange for sam and red for darlin too)#also i do want to say that i don’t think anyone owes their partner all of them #but that seems to be sam and darlin’s dynamic so i had to write it that way to keep them in character #and i was referencing the ba when sam bites darlin for the first time #this fic is building off of some stuff ive been writing over the past like two weeks about darlin's wolf and what their wolf is called #for more of that check out this tag>>>#mayhem is brewing #redacted fanfic #redacted audio #redacted fandom #redacted asmr #redactedverse #redacted darlin #redacted sam #redacted headcanons #redactedasmr

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lightbulb-warning · 8 months ago

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emotional support guy!!!! who!!!!!! sucks!!!!!!!!!

#ouma kokichi #kokichi oma #drv3 #ndrv3 #danganronpa #something somethings artstyle something something #i draw so small i had to physically restrain mys from drawing even smaller. huh! interesting!!#i wonder how long it would take to redraw every sprite. hm. *checks watchless wrist where 'no time!!' is written in sharpie* HM...#i can... dream...!!!#maiora draws #eepy sleepy tired meepy have a nice dayyyyy byeeee

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sskk-manifesto · 7 months ago

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Bungou Stray Dogs: Dead Apple and how “ability users” (opposite to “normal people”) learning to accept themselves through the acceptance of their own abilities is a queer metaphor of acceptance of own's sexual orientation and gender: an essay by me

#bsd #bungou stray dogs #About: Dead Apple. Watched this a while ago with a friend and it was a lot of fun!!!#If you're reading this: thank you so much for hanging out with me I had such a good time (ㅅ´ ˘ )♡#Next to general considerations: wow they were right that Bungou Stray Dogs movie sure can Bungou Stray Dogs #It's always nice to see the detailed animation and elaborate backgrounds of movies. The animation quality compared to the manga is–#definitely noticeable and it's nice to see. That said... I still like the season 2 art style more? And I'm speaking strictly of art style.#The s2 one looks more soft and smooth while the da one is so much more rough.#The plot is... Very bsd-esque I don't think there's anything to add.#In my opinion Kyouka's arc is the one that turned out best tbh. I really like her narrative development and personal growth in this movie.#I like the complexity of her state of mind. how full of contradiction she is. I especially appreciate the recurring small changes of–#expression that indicate how she thinks differently from Atsushi even if she doesn't voice them. The fight between her cynicism and her–#kind nature. It's all very interesting.#Atsushi's development is interesting too. Although all the open questions about his ability we still have kind of leave me frustrated #I don't feel very strongly about Akutagawa in this movie? I mean‚ he's there. The ss/kk scenes are always great and in character and a joy–#to witness no matter what they do. He just doesn't shine particularly? Or at least personally I dont find the “proving my strength against–#myself” narrative arc to be particularly interesting. Imo it was a lot better flashed out in the da stage play! With the complexity that–#the dialogues with Chuuya added to the character. Dazai attacking him. And especially Aktgw understanding that Rashomon wasn't testing Aktg #but rather only expressing that unstoppable rage that is also Aktgw's own. About that I checked out the play and I really liked it!!#I only watched highlights (aka: ss/kk and chuu/aku scenes) but there's some stuff I really like. I like the conflict between Aktgw and–#Chuuya and how Chuuya messes up with Aktgw at first maliciously and then amiably. It's interesting how Atsushi himself observes that Kyouka #and Akutagawa get along. And especially the sskk almost-handholding and Atsushi saying Akutagawa has a nice profile were cute akjdhbsawhjb #Next. Da really is shipping paradise (╥﹏╥) Sorry but... It is. oda/zai. daz/atsu. ss/kk. s/kk. fuku/mori. chuu/aku. It really has everythin #and the moments are so good!!!! What else. Wish we'd see more of Tsujimura. And Christie. And women in general tbh.#Also‚‚‚‚‚ Atsushi's tiger form in this movie is ATROCIOUS. I've said it before but it's crazy how a franchises that relies so heavily on–#fanservice came up with something this hideous. Man the movie overall was pretty but Atsushi sure wasn't. Firmly stand by the belief–#that only Akutagawa would find that form attractive.#Oh last note. honestly if we're ready to accept a movie where an antidote has effect AFTER the person has effectively died then we really–#can't complain about any kind of insanity the manga brings up #random rambles

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medicalunprofessional · 1 year ago

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life is wasted

#psychonauts #caligosto loboto #medical abuse cw #<-yeah i think.That covers it #nightmaretheater #so sorry if you were innocently checking my blog after the crowment and were blasted with this #i was going to do a bit of artistic censoring but.Nahhh #time on canvas : 6 hours #i had to watch some videos of a transorbital lobotomy being preformed for refference 😁#god forbid i had my photos app open and someone looked over my shoulder and saw several screenshots #also Yes thats text from berenice. I cant be stopped #ohhh im so hungry.Chili for dinner……#wait. i forgot my watermark #thats okay. Theyll know its me from the berenice quote /nsrs #also yeah the orbitoclast looks a bit small. its the angle. Trust me. Okay.#I dont know how to paint flowers . I….Kind of my first time.Sooorry #Sorry guys . Had to post Horrifiying Upsetting Art again. Will continue to happen #its kind of funny this barely looks like fanart #good. Cant wait for someone to stumble upon this and freak out when they realize it is indeed fanart #surprised this was. 6 hours? Looks down at my hands… Woah…#reminder: I am drawing on my phone i did not go to art school💞#Okay time to collapse . Im really hungry #sorry . Just had to give my artists commentary

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crystal-verse · 1 year ago

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god i want. an au where it dosn't work. where it's just arr g'raha who's woken up, and he doesn't have all these memories and all these people keep looking at him like they're mourning someone. the world has changed and time has changed and all the people he knows have changed, but he hasn't changed, he was just sleeping, just sleeping, and the world nearly ended several times and apparently he helped prevent yet another end but he has no memory of this. they want him to join the scions. he does not know these people. (he barely knows the warrior of light, now, but did he ever truly know them in the first place?) his little sister is alive and well. she looks at him like a ghost. she's changed, and she's older than him now. he acts bratty and loud and brash to cover up the fact that he does not know anything it seems, and he is tired but he was sleeping for so long, so how could he be tired?

he doesn't know these people. they seem to know him. he wonders if he'd killed someone, when it was him and not that exarch who woke up. he wonders if it should have been him who was "killed" in that way, if it is him that lives and not that man who had known and become friends with all these figures from legend. he wonders if he'll always be fated to be a historian one step back from everything, because he simply cannot be a hero.

#bound with thread | original posts #letters in verse | talking #g'raha tia #crystal exarch #hello everyone i am being Incredibly Normal about g'raha tia at -checks time- 12:02 am #you ever think about the fact that arr g'raha is basically killed/replaced when the exarch wakes up in 5.3. because i do. a lot #hi i have brainworms over this man he's SO tragic and i need to hold him gently in my hands like how you cradle a small trembling kitten #genuinely happy about his character growth and progression and happy ending and all but arr g'raha was the one who grabbed my focus #and i do miss a lot of that character sometimes yknow? post-shb g'raha isn't the same person as arr g'raha and that's intentional‚ i think‚#because he has gone through so much that we didn't see. so much trauma and pain because of the 8th umbral era and that loss he got hit with #and he's not the same person because he's *had* to change so much to keep himself and his people alive and i'm glad he's getting to #experience life to the fullest in endwalker onwards but just. i miss arr g'raha yknow #honestly the silliest thing about it is i miss his student of baldesion tattoo. was a fun little design element you know.#show us the tattoo again squeenix. give him back his red eyeshadow that he had.#give him his bow back i am begging #this has been: incomprehensible ramblings from simon at 12 at night

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keeps-ache · 4 months ago

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no one to listen

[ + other things below !! :D]

#art #my art #artists on tumblr #digital art #oc #pink space #tw gun #[explodessssssss]#! ! if he was stim toy i woulda already obliterated him hkgfjhgj #also yo i didn't know i knew how to draw cars dude. even if it looks a bit rough (i'm not checking it lhfhfs) that's not bad bfhs #especially considering i only tried once. because i wasn't going to suffer for that one lmao #//yea so comics one and two;#i did the full-subtract thing for the second one but not the first so it looks a bit more vibrant i think #also comic one; he works at a small cafe for a while and doesn't appreciate people ripping off the owners lol :)#//okay i think i had more to say but i got really engrossed in this video i was listening to while drawing so i'm gonna finish here bfhsv #gonna pop away now!! oohoo!! oho !!! toodles hfsbv :3

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sysig · 2 months ago

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Coding woes (Patreon)

#Doodles #Original #Ukadevlog #Bug testing sure is something lol #These are both problems I've figured out now luckily! And I did them on my own! :D Extra pleased with myself :3 #My slightly cocky attitude of ''Well that was frustrating - luckily I'll never run into another problem again'' amuses me lol #'Cause in the moment everything's flying! The code comes together lovely and it's all great! And then I come up to the next thing #Something I haven't done before - something that there's no Direct how-to of how to do a thing #Like setting player-and-character pronouns! I didn't know how to do that! But I figured it out!! :0 What a rush haha #It really did take me an evening of knocking my head against the wall in attempts - I waaaayyy overcomplicated it to start haha #I was like - trying to set up a system that would call on specific pronoun sets individually based on player input #Ridiculous - so much easier to just slap some values into an envelope and have those tied to a specific shell lol #But that took all night! I got sleepy while working on it and even my drowsy brain was like Wait...what am I supposed to check against? Haha #Such a weird experience subconsciously as well :0 'Cause I had normal dreams that night #Maybe some slight code-adjacent dreams of A Screen With Text On It but that could be anything :P #Most of it was just normal dream melodrama - but in the few times I woke up to readjust or roll over or pull my blanket #It was juuuuust enough for my ''conscious'' brain to kick in and think about what to compare against - what structure would work #And so by the time I woke up proper I had to frantically write down a bunch of code in a spare word document so I wouldn't go stir crazy lol #Breakfast must wait! Dailies must wait! I Have to write this down!!#And when I implemented it - it worked exactly as I hoped it would and is much much Muuuuuch simpler to call upon haha #Wow! That was a weird fluke that definitely won't happen again! Haha #I don't actually believe that I just have no way of guessing which aspect will trip me up - This Should Be Easy! And then it isn't lol #Definitely didn't predict the second - Especially because other than a small roadbump of not knowing how to Shell-Switch (ty again Cherry ♥)#Everything up to then was going well and everything after that was going fine! Until The One Thing happened pffbtl #I wanted to assign a value to check if a specific piece of code was being called upon - basically a fork between two outcomes #That went fine! The value Was changing! But only the first fork was being called???#No lol I just didn't put the second = ugh pft - and what's more frustrating is that I'd been using == up to that point!! I'd been warned!!!!#I - for some reason - was convinced that using && would make the value check Only need to check If x = 1... That's not how it works......#It's an If statement! If x = 1 then why do I have to check IF x == 1! Just check!!! Hwagh rules and whatnot lol #Like I said it's all fixed now but sheesh! What a silly mistake! I knew better!! And now I double know better haha

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deelovesbooks · 29 days ago

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ok time for a (partial) round up of the 2024 Christmas gifts made! Honestly I need to start making these two years in advance I swear 😂 maybe then I'll have time to get better pictures

First up for my younger sister: BMO from adventure time!

Completed 1am Christmas day and dear lord never again. Initial plan was to use a beanbag to add some weight to help him sit but I couldn't find any so I did perhaps the most Canadian thing I've ever done, he has a hockey puck in him 😂

Next up for my friend L: yellow guy from DHMIS

I made her the red guy last year I do not like DHMIS, any of it I've seen has been under duress but she loves it so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ he's not quite the right colours but that's what I had lol he was mostly done in September and then I got sick of him and forgot how much I still had to complete so he was finished I think 4am? the day we were getting together and reminded me how much I hate attaching things together lmao

Next my friend K: Pigeon! (+ ghostbusters and coasters)

She loves pigeons. I've been giving her something pigeon and/or cat related for years now 😂 the Ghostbusters thing is a long story about oh god probably around a decade ago now but involved K terrorizing L and when I stumbled across this pattern entirely by accident I knew I HAD to make it and now it will haunt L every time we visit K&P bc what else are friends for? 😂 Not pictured are 4 Easter themed coasters I forgot I made for K two bunnies and two chickens and they reminded me how much I do not like crocheting with cotton yarn lol. Oh and the pigeon was done mostly 5-6am and did the 2nd wing and attached them ~9:30 an hour before I had to leave the house lol

Last for this post is P(Ks bf): Lethal Company bottle opener/magnet

If I thought my forearms and such hurt after doing hours of knitting that's got nothing on nearly doing this all in one day. Tiny coping saw (to cut out the profile), and hours of Dremel carving, and then Dremel and hand sanding take a toll the next day lol. All the dark parts are carved out maybe 1/8"? Then a dark stain applied in the carved spaces, then the lighter brown stain varnish applied to the entire piece. The stains themselves are random ones I picked off the shelf lmao for the image I just transfered a png of I think the characters helmet which is the game launch icon? All I know is it's a videogame that K said P loved 😂 completed mostly in one day 2 days before gifting, bottle opener insert and magnets glued in around midnight day of bc I had to wait for stuff to dry lol

And of course each person who got a gift (handmade or not) from me got one of those knitted star ornaments :) pt 2 & pt 3

#knitting #crochet #my projects #i have more gifts to finish and give next weekend lmao #one knitted thats almost finished really just needs assembly. another bottle opener of a different design.#potentially something crocheted for my brother but i may just find something to buy lol #finish my sisters thing that for months has just needed the last bit of decorative stitching that i dont wanna do and then something small #and im honestly debating redoing my bil's bottle opener. its the first one i made before i actually got the proper inserts for the back :/#i may be able to make it work. i need to check if theres space for a magnet bc if not then im redoing it #i feel like for gifts i need to include like a little note explaining my thought process behind it bc i feel like it doesnt come across #like for my bil he was talking about how he was really into the alchemy part of skyrim atm so i used the specific symbol the game uses #for alchemy and made that the bottle opener shape. but bc i dont play skyrim then its like i dont know if its a super recognizable thing #or im just making a super deep cut 😂#same w for my sil. shes getting a little mushroom guy bc she was talking about how into mushrooms she was and my brother is lowkey #terrorized by it in the apt bc hes allergic and theres just a poster taunting him so of course i had to contribute #even that ghostbusters thing is a deep cut but at least i knew that K & L would remember it even if i had to jog the memory #anyways im really bored at work lmao. i didnt bring any of my portable projects w me bc i was giving my hands a break and honestly felt #too tired but i have regrets now lol i wanna make something. like oh those 6 more stars i gotta make. i dont wanna but i have to #i will be so excited once im finished with gifts so i can make something new. that will inevitably be a gift lol. i dont keep things i make #my textposts #christmas gift making

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willowfey · 1 year ago

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starting to think maybe waking up with an anxiety stomachache every single morning and then needing to spend the entire day trying to get rid of said anxiety just to maybe have a few minutes in the evening of feeling relaxed before going to bed is perhaps not normal

#the first thing i do when i become conscious is check my phone to make sure nothing terrible happened to anyone i love while i slept #i never ever ever have plans and if anyone Else has plans i feel sick with anxiety until they’re back from them #if i have smth planned that week i feel completely tense and on edge until it happens #i didn’t used to be like this i hate hate hate it #i used to feel safe in my little house in the forest where i knew everyone in town and knew my way around with my eyes shut #it’s still the only place in the world i feel safe. that’s so unfair #my separation anxiety is ridiculous. if my mom goes to the store and doesn’t answer a text right away i start panicking #if my sister goes to a class or smth idk what to do with myself until she gets back #if i’m in the shower or have the fan on or headphones in suddenly i’ll think i hear someone shouting and i’ll have to quickly turn it off #ever since i moved here it’s been getting worse. i don’t feel safe here to begin with i feel so out of place it’s unreal #but then covid and trauma with my mother’s health and my uncle dying and multiple relatives getting sick and things happening to my friends #i know i have ptsd from very specific things that happened and i live on a hospital path so every day i hear sirens #and every time i do it fully triggers an anxiety attack in me for at least an hour. and my mom too #since being here my hometown burned and friends i thought would never grow apart did and my brother moved out #i know a lot of that is just Being In Your Low Twenties but also some of my worst trauma has happened in the last handful of years and now #now i’m just always scared. always uneasy. always worried. never fully relaxed. never feel fully safe. & idk how to be myself through that #i’m always paranoid and i never trust people irl anymore. ppl my mom or sister meet. i am so suspicious of them constantly.#if anything small changes at all i can’t handle it. my ability to deal with change has gone so downhill #in the last 5 years of being here i realised i was autistic which led to me unmasking a bit and that. comes with pros & cons doesn’t it #my own health has declined. my body changed a lot in ways i wasn’t prepared for and i had to get rid of most of my comfort clothes #sometimes i just wanna sit on the ground and cry about it and not have to also be the one that picks myself back up. y’know???#but at the very least i’d love to just wake up One Day w/o feeling sick with anxiety already. just one day i want to wake up feeling rested #i want to be myself again but can i start with not being scared? not being tired? i don’t know what to do anymore #i just watch my comfort videos and read my comfort fics and stay in my daydream world

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teecupangel · 1 year ago

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You know Desmond is really unlucky with how his bloodline like he got the Kenway drama and bad fathers genes from his from one side and the non-existent mother genes on Altaïr's side where instead if you flip them you get Desmond's father (whose name suddenly escapes me) dying while Desmond is young and Desmond either raised by his mother who might be better idk but it'd be hard to do worse than (insert des's dad's name here)

Uuuhhh… well, his mother’s personality has never been explored all that well.

The most we know of her, as far as I know, is that she had been worried and trying to find Desmond when he ran away and that she knew that her husband’s personality can be considered quite cold but she’s used to it and it’s from Assassin’s Creed Encyclopedia p182 (the White version):

“While William’s wife has always been able to deal with this emotional distance, young Desmond could not.”

This could either mean that it was a loveless marriage that may or may not have been amicable OR they had the kind of love where they didn’t need to show it to know that they love each other.

I personally believe that Desmond doesn’t hate his mother. Whenever he talks about her, there’s always this feeling of wistfulness in it. While we cannot be sure what kind of mother she was, it’s clear that Desmond cares for her in some way.

At the very least, he feels some kind of guilt for leaving her when he didn’t feel the same way for Bill.

So in this situation where Bill died while Desmond was young, there’s a higher chance of Desmond not leaving the Farm.

Of course, Bill’s death could easily change his wife and Desmond would now have to deal with a grieving mother who might want to finish Bill’s training.

The grief of losing her husband could just as easily turn to fear of losing her son and that fear would force her to push her son to work harder, to become stronger.

In turn, making her just as bad or even worse than Bill.

On the other hand, losing Bill could be the trigger that makes have a more active part in Desmond’s training with the fear of losing her son making her dote on Desmond more.

We can never be sure how one would react to the lost of someone they love after all.

But what if it had been a loveless marriage?

Then the most that would change would probably be his mother taking a more active role in his life.

So it really boils down to what kind of mother you would want Desmond to have.

The only limitation is that, no matter what kind of mother she is, she did not have the power or she directly didn’t intervene with how Bill treated Desmond.

My go to ‘mother’ is usually one that’s cold towards Bill and only married and had a child with him because of it was her duty. Why? Because I like to add more drama to Desmond’s life.

She’s usually the one who give Desmond tips when he’s having trouble with training, being the one to teach him how to use fae lies and to close and open his hands to the timing of his slow breathing whenever he’s starting to panic.

She cares for Desmond and tries to be gentle with him but she has a heavy sense of duty to the Brotherhood as a descendant of the Ibn-La'Ahad and her complicated relationship with Bill and Bill’s focus on raising Desmond makes her a bit more distant than she or Desmond would have liked to each other.

When Desmond left, that’s when her carefully created mask of indifference fell apart and she tried to look for him desperately.

That kind of personality would have stepped up after Bill’s death and train Desmond the way she had been trained and the way she wished she had been trained.

In that kind of scenario, there’s a chance that Desmond would actually grow up to be more like Altaïr than the Desmond we all know and love.

Personally, I think canonically Bill’s wife does love him (who may or may not have already died in the attack on the Farm if the way Bill sides away from Desmond's request to talk to her in AC3 was any indication). I just like writing her as having a complicated relationship with Bill and Desmond so Desmond inherits the Kenway family drama XD. (which can be seen a bit in The Shadow’s Endgame)

#ngl #I spent more time trying to find that small bit of info about his mother #than writing the idea #I had to check 4 of the ac books ihave XD #cause i know one of them had that but i can’t remember which one XD #how do i tag this???#uuuhhh #ask and answer #teecup writes/has a plot #fic idea: assassin's creed #desmond miles' mother #william miles' wife #does this count as william miles x oc???

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