#but I fear that may have only exacerbated the problem

[bittersweetbangers]

screaming crying throwing up etc

[promptsforyourwhumpfic]

Whump Prompt #1333

Anon asked:

May I ask for a prompt of whumpee not being able to control magic?

I have a few:

Their magic could 'act up'. For example, if they're not being careful/concentrating then their magic could take some initiative to cause some chaos.

Alternatively it could be triggered by an artefact/curse/potion/spell/emotional situation which causes unpredictability.

They could fear harming others, so the whumpee isolates themselves.

^ Bonus points if this is a result of accidentally harming someone in the past.

^ Bonus bonus points if the whumpee accidentally harms someone from the present.

Their magic could manifest as a physical thing. It could cause the whumpee pain or discomfort and as it intensifies, it gets harder to keep in check.

The whumpee could seek out experts or remedies to control their outbursts, but this only exacerbates the problem.

The magic's unpredictable nature leads to unintended consequences, complicating the whumpee's life and endangering their goals or relationships.

The whumpee could struggle with feelings of inadequacy and frustration, believing they are a danger to their loved ones.

[sicklyseraphnsuch]

A Very Large Man

I think a lot about the implications of physicality.

Miquella - forever fresh faced with the chubbiness of youth - what does his anger look like? How can anger be taken seriously with someone who looks like an elementary school kid? Maybe a preteen. Miquella whose youth was a curse - who could age and age and age and never once wear it on his skin.

To always be looked down upon and deemed immature. Anger, rage, and fury would only align with the allegations of immaturity. So Miquella hid that anger behind a smiling facade - to be the "bigger man", and held his rage behind his teeth.

Radahn then has the exact opposite problem. He is a large man, a very large man, a honking HUGE unit. If he showed his rage, what would that look like? People see his size and expect him to bulldoze his surroundings - muscular arms that will swing wide and wildly.

Violence is implied in every inch of Radahn's massive body. It's not even intentional really. If a mountain were to move, if it shattered the shell of an ant, no one could fault it for a mountain is just too big to see. It's the reason for giants being threats more often than they are gentle - that a gentle giant is the exception that would prove the rule

So I think... Radahn also hid his anger. If he slipped once, no one will ever forget. He could never be taken seriously beyond being labeled a threat. The prejudice that already exists against his intellect and capacity for higher reasoning would be further exacerbated by any show of visible rage.

For all that Radahn could be gentle (as he was to Leonard), he couldnt afford to show rage once - to display anger would be to bait incarceration, ridicule, and especially violence.

Basically, I think Miquella and Radahn saw in each other an anger that they dared not express aloud for fear of destroying any respectability that they had. And in this, they may have united.

They couldnt show their anger so it bled into everything else - Miquella's rebellion, Radahn's love of warfare (the only space where he could be angry without backlash).

[thatfeyboy]

Gender equality issues: a male lens

This is a non exhaustive list I've been working on about how guys, or those perceived to be, end up in the context of modern gender politics.

The right has an objectively patriarchal slant. Many believe men should hold all positions of power, or that all women with power should always be subject to a man with more power. This belief is held by both men and women. Women are harmed by this in a myriad of ways that involve their subservience and submission.

Men however, even within this movement, are not uniform in power or privilege. Most men do not fit into a role of power and are therefor subject to it's abuses. Because men did not arrive at this concept through universal consensus, the ideals behind patriarchal views have never been about empowering men over women, but rather to make a smaller group of competitors for power.

This dynamic results in women having intrinsic value to men in power, as most men are heterosexual, as well as being placed in a caretaker role, while other men only have value based on birth or action within the system. The actions required often involve harm towards the self or others, making it a path many men will not take. Some men are outright denied the choice all together(black/gay/trans/religious minority/disability/etc.).

The result is strong pressure to conform to “traditional masculinity” in order for men in power to promote their image and make other men stay in line. The women supporting this ideology get some guaranteed “safety” and power over other women and some men. Many women that hold gender critical or sexist beliefs find this an agreeable tradeoff, mostly due to their fear or hatred of unfamiliar men.

This particular version of traditional masculinity places certain profiles on men, including but not limited to being violent, sexually savage, unemotional, impulsive, unemphatic, stupid/rash, and incapable of receiving real harm from others due to their “privilege”.

Many of these issues have become exacerbated from the removal of positive male identity or diversity of identity. Feminism in its' second wave expressly challenged the worlds view of women, and tried to intentionally muddy those waters. In doing so, along with the obvious positives in sex equality, also caused some unintentional consequences. In its attempt to broaden women's abilities and peoples perception of them men and masculinity were made inherently negative, and were used as a villain to the contrasting femininity(and women's rights).

Over time this has resulted in a lack of attention and sometimes direct degradation of men trying to build community and social support for the biases held against them. Though the right forces men into a system most cannot win and actively promotes sexism, the left is unwilling to accept that those men are even facing a problem, let alone a unique experience as men. When it is accepted, it is under the condition that those men affirm their privilege and hold little to no opinions of their own on why they were mistreated. It does not help that, due to its strong slant towards women's rights, there is an unwillingness to question beliefs the left still holds about men in context to women's abuse, such as women's inherent and supposedly justified fear of men and their violent nature.

Most men in minority groups drift towards the left because of that status. They both need the support for that status and are seen as victimized, therefore worthy of a voice that is protected and taken seriously; though their perceived male-ness will push their voice down below others in need of aid. Unfortunately many men that are not in a recognized minority but still feel victimized are easily recruited into the patriarchal view of the right, with the promise of being given a place and value that they will never likely receive.

I may or may not add more later, there is obviously more nuance and specific issues with oppression I haven't talked about

[theerurishipper]

Hello! I have a question about Marinette. It's clear to me that she struggles with control and may sometimes mistreat her partner, in my personal opinion. It appears that she lacks trust in Chat Noir, which is not only upsetting but also confusing.

Marinette seems to have a stable home life, and her school experiences, while not as dramatic as some fans portray, seem relatively normal. Her parents have a loving relationship, so it raises the question of why Marinette behaves this way. Where do her controlling tendencies stem from? It's perplexing to me that she doesn't seem to trust her own partner. It's almost as if she treats him as if he could potentially turn into a villain. Chat Noir goes to great lengths for her, yet we rarely see her reciprocate in kind. Her interactions often seem limited to positive affirmations and superficial gestures. I wonder whether this inability to comfort someone or communicate effectively is a result of her environment influencing her or if it's perhaps a consequence of her newfound powers affecting her ego.

I don't mean to criticize her character, but it seems that Marinette's acquisition of powers and constant praise, coupled with the lack of discipline or guidance from Master Fu and Su-han, has left her without a mentor or anyone to hold her accountable for her actions. Her role as the guardian and leader exacerbates this issue because she struggles with being upfront and truthful, especially with Chat Noir. The morality of the story seems quite protagonist-centered, and I can't help but wonder how things might have been different if Ladybug had a more assertive partner or a mentor to guide her in the right direction.

Marinette like my least favorite at least with Western Magical girl shows because of what she chose in the finale. I don't believe her intentions are necessarily malicious, but her actions in previous seasons have been frustrating to watch.

So, the thing about Marinette is that she sets very high expectations for herself. Just look at her arc about not being able to confess her feelings. She catastrophizes, she plans all these elaborate schemes accounting for every detail, she can't bear to let anything go wrong, because she has such high standards for herself and a fear of failure. She can't confess to Adrien because she's afraid of his rejection, and she spends the series trying to find the perfect plan to ensure that he won't reject her. Once she becomes Guardian, she has all these new responsibilities, these new burdens, and she doesn't want to fail, she doesn't want anything to go wrong. And so, she tries to control everything. Her controlling tendencies stem from her fear of failure and her high expectations of herself.

For the record, I will say that Marinette does trust Chat Noir. She trusts him with her life. But just because she trusts him doesn't mean her fears aren't there, and it doesn't stop her from acting in ways that don't quite convey that trust that she has in him. Marinette can get myopic about her problems, and she often has trouble understanding things from others' perspectives. She has the tendency to, for lack of a better term, make things about herself. Like in Illusion, for instance, when Adrien was being taken out of school by Gabriel because of Nino's plan, Marinette instantly starts talking about how she is a curse for Adrien and how she should stay away from him, instead of about Adrien. Does this mean she doesn't care about Adrien? Of course not. But she still gets so caught up in her own feelings that she fails to consider the feelings of those around her. She spends so much time trying to make sure that nothing goes wrong with her current situation that she fails to notice the bigger picture.

For example, see Hack-san. Marinette is leaving Paris, and so she focuses on the immediate problem that she is facing, that she's leaving Paris without a protector. And she finds a simple solution, give her Miraculous to Alya. Easy, problem solved, right? Except it's not, because she accounts for herself but not for her partner, who is understandably blindsided by a new substitute appearing instead of Ladybug. In the same episode, we see another example. Marinette is stressed and struggling and hurting, and she confesses to Alya that she is Ladybug in Gang of Secrets. Now Marinette has the support of her BFF and her stress is being alleviated, so everything is fine, right? Except, she doesn't consider how Chat Noir might feel about her breaking the rule they set together and that she should tell him (this is not salt on Marinette for telling Alya, she had every right to do so).

Marinette isn't the most empathetic person. She is very kind, very compassionate, very sympathetic, and she is overall a wonderful person. But she has trouble putting herself in other people's shoes and understanding their perspectives unless they tell her herself. She understands that the people around her are struggling and she feels the desire to help them, but she also doesn't quite understand their feelings themselves, and that can lead her to making her own conclusions. See Guilttrip, where Marinette (and the whole class actually) just jumps all over Rose when she learns she's not well without considering how she might feel about it. In Crocoduel, she tries to distance herself from Luka because she doesn't want to hurt him, without considering that, well, she is hurting him.

Marinette has the desire to help others and be there for others, and it is that compassion and kindness that make her so wonderful. But she can also find it difficult to understand others or put herself in their shoes. She doesn't easily understand other people's emotions, and she can't often look beyond her own perspective and her problems to see how she's affecting other people. Oftentimes, when Marinette has hurt someone, her remarks will be more self-deprecating than apologetic. Which is not to say that she isn't sorry, and I am not saying that Marinette doesn't ever consider other people's feelings, but it doesn't come easily to her, and she often requires other people to point it out to her. Alya points out to her that she is hurting Luka by avoiding him, Alya tells her to talk to Chat Noir, Chat Noir tells her to speak to Chloe about not giving her a Miraculous anymore... things like that. And naturally, not considering others' views on things also has the effect of making her feel like she knows best and dismissing others' perspectives, like in Dearest Family, when she dismissed the Kwamis' advice about Tikki's cosmic hunger, because she thinks the only way to handle things is her way.

So, what happens when you have a tendency to want to control things, a myopic outlook on your problems, and a lack of ability to consider other people's perspectives? Why, you get the Ladynoir conflict of Season 4.

Marinette in Season 4 spirals down a web of controlling information and deceiving her partner by keeping secrets and lying to him due to her new role as Guardian and also in part because of her trauma from Chat Blanc. None of this is malicious. Marinette trusts Chat Noir. When she says she'll never abandon him, she means it. When she says she wants him around, she means it. But that's not enough. Marinette wants to control all the information and stay in control so badly that she fails to see how badly it is affecting her partner. She feels like it's the only way to do things and fails to consider her partner's feelings and perspective because she thinks she knows best how to handle it. She gets defensive and irritated when he asks her to let him help. And it shows itself most clearly in episodes like Ephemeral, where in an attempt to stay in control of everything, she is ready to violate Chat Noir's trust in her and reveal his identity to Su-Han without his consent.

It simply doesn't occur to Marinette that she should do more than try to smooth things over with Chat Noir. Despite understanding that he feels left out, she smooths over the situation with assurances that she doesn't even end up keeping. Of course, Chat Noir isn't an open book, but he did make his displeasure clear, and she still didn't do anything to fix their issues. Look at Kuro Neko. Chat Noir gets upset and quits, but Marinette still doesn't introspect and think that maybe she did something wrong and hurt him. She doesn't apologize for her outburst; she doesn't try to think of what went wrong. In the end, Chat Noir apologizes to her for having emotions and she just gives him another "I still want you around," line that quickly loses meaning when Ladybug is bantering with Rena Furtive like she's her favorite in Risk. Even when Marinette says something, her actions prove otherwise.

But I will say, this is all alright. It's a realistic flaw to have, to not be able to consider other people's feelings all the time. Everyone does it to some degree. Marinette isn't doing this because of any malicious intent, she's doing this because she's stressed and tired and traumatized. Her outburst isn't good, but it is understandable. She shouldn't have yelled at Chat Noir, but she isn't a bad person. She's allowed to learn to do better and grow from this.

What does make Marinette seem bad, though, isn't even due to Marinette herself as a person. What makes Marinette hard to like, is when her flaws are met with the protagonist centered morality stick that Miraculous loves so much.

Because Marinette never has to actually confront her mistakes. She yells at Chat Noir in Kuro Neko, and the episode is full of Chat Noir telling her she did nothing wrong and ends with him apologizing to her. In the end of Strikeback, Marinette admits to her mistakes, but Chat Noir sees her distress and swoops in to absolve her of her wrongdoings, and she carries on without fixing anything or changing anything. She admits to her mistakes, but it falls flat because, well, they didn't really result in anything. She was never wrong to do any of it, really. It's not her fault that Felix stole the Miraculous. Chat Noir already accepted that he's just another one of her sidekicks now, and he previously learned the lesson that she didn't do anything wrong and that he is the one is being sensitive about it. Marinette is never truly wrong, and so she doesn't ever have to fix her mistakes or address her flaws. She doesn't have to learn to communicate better with others, she doesn't have to apologize for her mistakes, because she is never truly in the wrong and everyone will go out of their way to excuse and absolve her of everything.

And this protagonist centered morality is the reason for the Season 5 finale. Marinette lying to Adrien about his existence isn't framed as bad because she's the one doing it, and because Marinette is Good™, it's not a bad thing for her to do. She didn't learn anything from Season 4, because the writers don't think she did anything wrong. She's the best leader, she's the most amazing superhero ever, and the story bends over backwards to justify her mistakes and her flaws by having other characters simply forgive her or take on the blame themselves (and by other characters I mean Adrien). And when she does make mistakes that actually have lasting consequences, it isn't actually her fault, like when Felix stole the Miraculous from her. And this protagonist centered morality makes it so that Marinette doesn't really have to grow or change as much as she just has to allow the other characters to prop her up and relinquish their agency to allow her to shine. She never has to try to understand them, she never has to do all that weak emotional support shit, because she's the all-powerful and amazing Marinette, and Adrien is just her prize for when she wins and her emotional support partner.

You mentioned in your ask that she never offers support to Chat Noir like he does for her, and that she is never held accountable for her actions, and this is all the protagonist centered morality at work. The world revolves around Marinette, whatever she does is Good and Right regardless of what it is, even if it is something like gaslighting her boyfriend into loving his abuser. And unfortunately, that isn't something that is out of character for Marinette. She's been established to be someone who will do whatever it takes to protect people, and who's flaw is that she doesn't often consider their feelings on the matter when making choices that affect them, even when it comes from a place of love and care. And because of the protagonist centered morality, the show makes this seem like it's a good thing instead of portraying it as a flaw. That is what ruins her character for me.

I hope this answers your question. Thank you for your ask!

[seaprofound]

i'm cooking

since today is apparently a day for ramblings, here are the changes that would be made while shifting from my current canon to the unused au that I wanna make my new canon. for those that may not know (or may not remember since it was a while ago when I first talked about this), I made a post where I mused out loud the possibility of rebooting po by shaking up her backstory. I even created a poll and the majority that voted were all abroad with a backstory update—so, without further ado, here are the changes that I mentioned at the beginning:

current canon!po was swallowed by her father, kronos, much like the rest of her siblings (with the exception of zeus); updated canon!po, on other hand, would have been spared by kronos—which would later turn out to be a cruel mercy—because her runt status caused him to dismiss her as a threat

current canon!po had most of her siblings for company during her imprisonment in her father's stomach; updated canon!po, on the other hand, mostly interacted with the palace servants (partly on account of being a servant, herself albeit one who secretly rebelled by sneaking off to the library in the rare moments that she could catch a break from her work)

current canon!po invented horses—and a whole slew of other animals—about mid-way through the titanomachy; updated canon!po, on the other hand, invented them when she was around 10 years old (which would have been about two years before the titanomachy)

current canon!po learned cooking from the nymphs alongside her eldest sister, hestia; updated canon!po, on the other hand, learned how to cook from the palace kitchen staff at a much younger age—much like current canon!po, though, she did so as a way to help earn her keep

current canon!po's inferiority complex and fear of abandonment would have been exacerbated in updated canon!po's case because kronos told her that her birth parents abandoned her on a mountain for being too weak but that he stumbled upon her, took pity on her, and allowed her to live in his palace—only asking her for her loyalty and gratitude in return

while initially afraid of what her siblings would think, current canon!po was able to come out to them as trans early on in the titanomachy thanks to the love and trust that they had for each other; since updated canon!po grew up essentially loveless, though, it would have taken her longer to find the courage to come out

current canon!po disguised herself as a common servant to infiltrate her father's palace as part of an espionage mission; updated canon!po—though the divine equivalent of a child prodigy since she created many different animals at such a young age—was chosen by kronos to serve as a spy for the titans because he saw her as expendable. a pawn at best, a screw up at worst. if the little runt actually managed to learn something useful, perhaps she's not so hopeless, after all—if not and if her incompetence led to her discovery, his other children will take care of that problem for him. either way, he wins—or so he thought.

those are the major changes that I can think of at this moment.

things that haven't changed are as follows:

po is still not a natural fighter and, subsequently, she would have still struggled to learn how to fight when she began combat training

po still would have learned magic from her sorcerer uncles, the telkhines (when exactly, though, I am unsure)

po still would have crushed easily on anyone who was nice to her

po still would have had a huge chip on her shoulder from being so puny

[1moreff-creator]

Happy birthday to Min Jeung, the Ultimate Student!

As you may have noticed by my blog name and pfp, I relate to this girl more than what is probably considered healthy. I wanted to show appreciation by talking about her a bit in a half-baked character analysis, and explaining why I find her so amazing!

-Despite being the Ultimate Student, and by her own admission having dedicated her entire life to her talent, she isn't just a souless studying machine. She still makes time to participate in various school clubs and even has a procrastination problem. She is outright offended when Xander insinuates she must have no friends because of her talent. In this, she just like me fr.

-Despite excelling in academics, she has grown to dislike and resent the education system for the seemingly endless amount of information it forces its students to memorize without actually learning anything of value. In this, she just like me fr. Additionally, this fuels her surprisingly interesting dynamic with Xander, one which I may have to cover in another post. Wouldn't want you getting distracted from my post about the birthday girl with thoughts of the pretty British boy.

-Her studious nature has developed into an unrelenting curiosity for the most random shit you can imagine. One of her favorite pastimes is, after all, browsing W*******a articles. Because of this, her knowledge seems to know no rhyme or reason, as she is both perfectly capable of explaining the entire process of baking a cake down to the molecular level, while also not knowing anything about milk beyond how good it tastes. Yes, this is mostly based on that one joke, but in case you can't tell, there's not much info we have to analyse her character with and I'm also sort of projecting really hard. In this, she just like me fr.

-One of these peculiar curiosities are insects and other critters. She decorates cookies with centipedes, collects insects, and her character profile states she likes tarantulas (not an insect, but you know). I chose to believe this means she is a Ghost & Pals fan, and yes that's me projecting again. I, too, am obssessed with funky little animals, so in this, she just like me fr.

-She dislikes children. Based.

-She is kind and patient and maybe a little gay, helping Unnamed Classmate study for a test they are clearly not ready for. Although she can get exasperated by the other's laizzes faire approach to studying, she still puts up with it for her friend. In this, she just like me fr.

-She suffers from pretty bad impostor syndrome, not considering herself on the same level as other Ultimates because of the way she was accepted in. She seems comfortable hanging out with them, but deep down doesn't believe she deserves it. In this, she... isn't like me fr, thankfully. Dodged that trauma.

-Her impostor syndrome is only exacerbated by the fact she doesn't believe she was the highest scoring of the Ultimate Contest for Eminent Students, just the one that best fit the ideal of "Ultimate Student". She sees that as a badge of shame, as she considers herself neither the smartest nor the most knowledgeable from those who took the test. Especially if her secret is the one about poisoning the competition, as many believe. This highlights the needless competitiveness of the school system, where even the students doing well can sometimes feel insufficient or dissapointed if they are not the absolute top of their class, or they don't perform perfectly at every opportunity. ...she just like me fr-

-She feels uncertain of her future, as being the Ultimate Student does not seem to guarantee any kind of future success, nor does it help her narrow down what she wants to do in the future. This is a great representation of a common fear and worry of top students, who worry having so much of their life be defined by their excellence in academics will mean they won't know what to do with themselves once they stop studying. Well, I say it's common, but maybe it's just Min and I, because in this she just like me fr. I assure you, I am fine.

-She didn't mean to kill Xander. How tragic, for someone whose entire life was defined by the pressure to never make a mistake, to never fail and especially not fail that Contest for Eminent Students, who was promised a bright future if she only gave up her present and her past to a souless system that does not truly care about her; to have that future ripped out from her, just because of one mistake. She only wanted to save Teruko...

-Fukc Danganronap asdkanej I wil why did this happen why she was so great and smart and I loved her and fuak's sake why why why. She's the first killer death that hurt me the most, by far, and her hug with Teruko actually fucking destroyed me aaaaahhhh-

-I love DRDT so much, and thank it for being able to live up to its name and giving me the despair I crave. Although Min's death made me sad, it made me sad in the good way, and I thoroughly enjoyed her character as long as she lasted. She may be the best written first chapter death I've ever seen! :D

Now please let Veronika live past chapter 3-

Anyways, thanks for reading, and happy birthday to Min Jeung! I will go cry now.

Bonus: Here's just a few songs that remind me of her. You may not be able to tell, but I like Vocaloid.

+Abnormality Dancin' Girl by Guchiry

+Lost One's Weeping by Neru

+Aishite by Kikuo

+Entomologists by Ghost & Pals

+Star of the Show by Ghost & Pals

+Pathological Facade by Ghost & Pals

+Appetite of a People-Pleaser by, guess who, Ghost & Pals

+Marionette by KIRA

+Meltdown by iroha(sasaki)

And of course,

+Happy Birthday!

[psshaw]

Critics have suggested that identifying with mental illness labels can become a self-fulfilling prophecy: when people see normal experiences of sadness and anxiety as signs of a clinical disorder, they might start to act in ways that exacerbate those problems. For example, a student who sees their fear of public speaking as a symptom of an anxiety disorder might feel justified in avoiding in-class presentations, perhaps preventing them from learning that public speaking is something they can handle. Given this context, it may be surprising to learn that many college students who meet clinical criteria for depression don’t identify as being depressed. Yet this is exactly what my co-authors and I found in a new survey of college students: while about 40 percent of college students in the survey meet the criteria for clinical depression, only half of that number—22 percent—identify as having depression. (...) When comparing students with similar levels of depression symptoms, those who identified as having depression coped with emotional distress in less healthy ways. Not only did these students spend more time catastrophizing about their problems, they also spent less time engaging in the kinds of action-oriented coping strategies known to help with emotional distress, including taking a new perspective on their problems, refocusing on enjoyable activities and problem-solving. They also expressed more pessimism about their ability to handle depression compared to students who did not identify as being depressed.

[kairbun]

Breathing Danger

Description: Y/N, is a young coffee-loving woman who likes to work at a local coffee shop in the evenings. Y/N has struggled with asthma since she was a child, and breathing problems can be caused by stress, which certainly doesn't help when a mysterious man starts stalking her. She soon discovers that her best friend, Vanessa, is working with the police to investigate a series of murders at Freddy Fazbear's local pizzeria and believes that Y/N's stalker may be connected.

Warning: romantic interest, topics related to violent crimes and disappearances.

Chapter One: Brewing Bonds

The evening air swirled with the scent of roasted beans as Y/N deftly maneuvered behind the counter of her beloved coffee shop. The soft murmur of customers, the comforting hiss of the espresso machine, and the inviting aroma of freshly brewed coffee cocooned her in familiarity. For Y/N, this haven was more than just a workplace—it was her sanctuary.

She wiped down the counter, her mind flitting between the frothy cappuccinos and the rhythmic clinks of mugs. Amidst the comforting routine, her gaze darted to the entrance as the familiar jingle of the bell announced a guest. Vanessa.

Vanessa was a regular, her vibrant presence adding a splash of color to the cozy atmosphere. Y/N's heart fluttered slightly as Vanessa waved, her infectious smile brightening the dimly lit café. They had struck an easy friendship over countless cups of coffee, their conversations spanning from trivial matters to deeper confidences.

"Hey, Y/N! The usual, please," Vanessa called, sliding onto her favorite stool at the counter.

Y/N nodded, a hint of a smile gracing her lips. She went to work, skillfully crafting Vanessa's preferred drink—a creamy latte with a delicate swirl of caramel. As she poured the steamed milk with practiced precision, she couldn't help but steal glances at Vanessa. Her laughter echoed through the cafe, effortlessly captivating everyone around her.

Vanessa's presence was a welcome distraction from Y/N's inner turmoil. She had been grappling with feelings that seemed to tiptoe around the edge of friendship, wanting to spill out but held back by the uncertainty of Vanessa's feelings toward Mike, their mutual friend.

Amidst the soothing hum of the coffee shop, Vanessa's conversations often revolved around her involvement with the local police. Y/N had noticed the subtle shift in Vanessa's demeanor whenever she touched upon the subject—her eyes sparkling with a mix of excitement and apprehension.

"You know, things have been pretty hectic at the precinct," Vanessa said, sipping her latte. "We're looking into some serious cases, particularly the incidents at Freddy Fazbear's."

Y/N's brow furrowed at the mention of the local pizzeria. "I heard something about it on the news. It's awful."

Vanessa nodded solemnly. "The police are investigating, but it's all so mysterious. No bodies found, no concrete evidence. It's like they vanished into thin air."

"It's terrifying," Y/N murmured, a shiver running down her spine. She had always harbored a fear of the unknown, an unease amplified by her asthma-induced struggles. Stress only exacerbated her breathing difficulties, and the thought of such gruesome incidents occurring nearby didn't ease her mind.

Their conversation shifted to lighter topics, veering away from the chilling subject of the unresolved murders. Y/N found solace in Vanessa's presence, her worries momentarily forgotten amidst their easy camaraderie.

As the evening waned and the cafe began to quieten, Vanessa finished her coffee and rose from the stool. "Thanks for the chat, Y/N. I'll see you around, okay?"

"Of course, Vanessa. Take care," Y/N replied with a warm smile, watching her friend depart before turning her attention back to the cafe's closing duties.

Once the last customer left and the doors were locked, Y/N lingered behind the counter, lost in her thoughts. The night held a quiet intensity, the weight of recent conversations lingering in the air. Amidst the rhythmic hiss of the espresso machine, she pondered Vanessa's words about the ongoing investigation and the unsettling events surrounding Freddy Fazbear's.

Yet, amidst the whirlwind of concerns and unanswered questions, there was one thing Y/N was certain of - her unwavering trust in Vanessa. Little did she know, their bond would soon be put to the test as the shadows of the mysterious stalker encroached upon her life, intertwining it with the enigma of the pizzeria murders.

But for now, in the serene ambiance of the coffee shop, all she could do was bask in the comfort of familiarity and the reassuring presence of her best friend.

[scaly-freaks]

i love your fics!!!!!

would you agree with Cassandra that aegon's love is currently one-sided?

("If Amara is truly in love with Aegon, Cassandra will happily eat her own foot. The Dornishwoman has played her long game and won. The consequences of allowing the king to remain in his one-sided love may strike her later.")

Thank you!

Okay, so I'll try to approach this question in terms of relationships styles. There'll be more on Amara's parents' relationship in the next chapter to explain maybe why she is the way she is.

But her main style is fearful-avoidant. She shuts down when it comes to emotions that make her question her whole outlook on life. She withdraws when she desperately wants intimacy. She can't cope with small problems in relationships because to her they seem big, and she exacerbates them by acting out.

To Cassandra, this reminds her of her father, Borros, who never showed his love for his girls. To her, that's not love. That's neglect. So in her mind, Amara doesn't love Aegon.

Aegon on the other hand is anxious attachment. He also has big reactions to small conflicts. Amara broaches the topic of marriage in a moment of emotional weariness, and he digs his heels in and goes overboard in reminding her she is a possession (he obviously doesn't truly believe she's a possession, because he enjoys who she is as a human being without restraint, and he's never tried to change her personality).

There is a power imbalance straight off the bat emotionally. Amara acts aloof better than Aegon does, but because he has power in every other way, he gets the urge to force her to show him love. But he can't keep it up all the time - he's literally the king, he has other shit to do - so sometimes he just gets sick of her and is like you know what, fine, fuck off then. And that sends her into a spiral because when he acts like her she doesn't like it very much. If only there were therapists in Westeros to help her see that.

In a way it's probably good that Amara is avoidant, because as a widowed king, Aegon will have unmarried bachelorettes currently vying for his hand from every direction. It would annoy her, but she just detaches. He, on the other hand, tries to make her jealous (and succeeds) but doesn't see the visual reward of the effort, so gets even angrier and sleeps with a couple of them because he can. But then he projects onto her and gets jealous and suspicious over what she's doing, or where she's been and if she's attracted to anyone at court other than him.

I think one of the worst relationships possible is to get an avoidant and an anxious attachment person stuck in a cycle, but woowee, look what we have here. Also, Amara kind of distantly recognises elements of her first lover (who was a mixture of avoidant and anxious) in Aegon, and does wonder if she's so beyond salvation, she can only ever attract men who behave like them and not one who's calm and gentle and kind. But she doesn't yet know she'd get bored very quickly by a stable person if they were in a relationship.

Anyway, omg sorry for the ramble!

tl;dr she loves him, but is afraid to show it and have her soul crushed when she believes he'll move on thanks to the constant temptation around him as king of the realm.

[mqfx]

do you think feng xin has any way of getting over his fear of women. like. we see he's not afraid of lan chang but I'm currently wondering how the fuck that came to be since I don't see him passing by a brothel willingly at all. also asking since I have a fem martial god oc and trying to make them at least somewhat get along

by clicking below this readmore you accept the terms and conditions that i'm 1) going to skate dangerously close to extremely bullshit psychoanalysis, 2) pulling egregiously from headcanons, and 3) it's been 2 years since i read canon end to end. now let us begin

actually another disclaimer: no i'm not writing a nice essay for this i literally have work tomorrow so if it's disorganized mais oui pay me and i'll do better. also, some discussion of sexual assault (canonically happened to jian lan + implications and social mores around it)

i think feng xin's "fear of women" is more complicated than just, "he's afraid of women." phobias can stem from something barely or not at all directly related; in other words, what you react to may not really be the cause of the fear. here's what darian leader, a bri'ish psychoanalyst, has to say on the matter:

"Amnesia, for Freud, was not the only form of defence. There was also a repression that operated by displacement, moving the emotional charge of an event on to some small and contingent detail."

now you may be like "my liege where the fuck are we. why am i tied to this chair. what's freud doing here." shhhh baby i'm working up to it. the question we must first ask, before "how can we fix him" is "what is it that needs fixing?" that is, we need to find the "event" that creates that "emotional charge" that then gets "displaced" on some "detail". most of these we already know or can guess at

event: many possible canon answers, all of them easy. he was under so much stress during the xianle fall and during his time with jian lan (a relationship borne from that very stress to begin with), which of course ends in baby's first thematic heartbreak. if this is the seed, the "event" from which his present-day phobia comes from, then of course the later ju yang problem could have triggered and exacerbated what was once latent anxiety into full-blown neurosis.

before that, he was wary of women. why? because feng xin is a stickler for black and white morality--as such, he likely followed strict codes of conduct for virtuous men towards women. but it's likely that he wasn't so scared that he couldn't fall in love with and have sex with a woman--he simply hadn't developed that phobia yet. that means, so far: i believe feng xin did not have his phobia until later.

this is where we get into headcanon territory as additional support for above. we know that feng xin was raised with the role of guardianship and protection. we can assume that this is a society that values chastity as well, given how people reacted to jian lan's rape as her being defiled, with the rapist expecting that she would marry him to preserve her honor, and it is considered notable that she fought back and demanded justice instead. what does that tell you about the kind of society they all grew up in?

not to mention, this is the society that taught its own crown prince to follow an ascetic path of cultivation, knowing damn full well he was expected as a crown prince to have babies in the future. a massive contradiction (which may be oversight on the author's part but we can't assume that in lit analysis i'm afraid so roll with it we must), but not unheard of, especially in conservative societies. but let's not get caught up in that rabbit hole of purity culture, which does not apply to an eastern-inspired fantasy

back to the points: 1) xianle was a conservative society that valued chastity. 2) feng xin was raised in this society to protect. 3) feng xin has a black and white view of the world. what does this make?

a guy with issues that's what. pre-phobia feng xin was wary of women because, we can assume, society drilled this into his head: women can be defiled. as a protector, it is your job to make sure this does not happen. you, a man, are capable of defiling, so you must watch your conduct so that you don't bring ruin to yourself and others. and there's no nuance, it's all or nothing

i have a lot of problems with that statement too but please consult.... like, any feminist philosopher. i vaguely remember judith butler saying smth about how "possessing the instrument of violence does not make the person inherently a violator" or smth in gender trouble, but surely you can find so many other versions of this statement

is what feng xin learned a truth of the world? NO! is it gonna be the basis of his moral code anyway? YEAH! but this would have worked in theory (internally, the Woman is not treated with respect so much as condescended to, but in practice, ideally, the Chivalric Man would Do No Harm upon the Woman) if two things didn't happen.

ok so right now we've got The Basis of Feng Xin's Moral Code in our hands. falling in love challenges that theory, because here he goes falling for a defiled woman and seeing her as a Person and not an Object to be protected. oh it's going great, he's gonna unlearn the toxic masculinity, he's gonna heal and have a more well-rounded outlook--

and then he gets his heart broken. which REINFORCES THE LESSON, that if you fuck a woman and then you can't protect her (in marriage, the only sanctuary of honor) it will ruin both your lives. now we've got the EVENT that becomes the seed. from here it's easy to see how centuries of requests of a sexual and procreative nature would be reopening that wound over and over and how he gets worse

at this point i think we can now answer some things. "what is it that needs fixing?" feng xin's attitude about sex, which is ingrained into him by both society and reinforced by an unfortunate heartbreak. "what is he afraid of?" not women, but failing his role as a protector by becoming the very instrument of dishonor and violence.

sex for feng xin carries double the negative connotations. now he's like, "i'm never doing that shit again it hurts so bad it's not worth it." "that shit" in this case is intrinsically tied to sex because this was the only period of his life in which he had it. am i saying that slutting it up could save him? if he had other, more neutral sexual experiences, perhaps with people who are not women, could he finally disconnect sex from those flawed conceptions (aha)? moving on

now we get to the second question. if then we accept that feng xin's not afraid of women but of dishonor, all it would really take for him to be normal about a woman is to eliminate every possibility of them being susceptible to that dishonor. in other words, a woman only has to be completely divorced from the notion of sex, completely inaccessible in one form or another. i mean, he's not afraid of ling wen even though she's a woman. why? because ling wen cannot BE fucked, so she is "safe" from him and he can let down his guard.

look. we know that feng xin's not the type of guy to . well he's not pei ming let's just say that, and even pei ming has some honor to him (all his dalliances are consensual). feng xin doesn't have any real reason to be afraid of himself. but when has fear ever been reasonable?

so finally to get to YOUR question, and not just the ones i used to facilitate this yap sesh: i don't think it would be that hard. depending on when this happens in the timeline, either have him come to some realization or other (perhaps it happened before the scene you wish to imagine) that his existence alone is not tainted, or that women aren't clamoring to fuck him (hard to make him unlearn the ju yang prayers though). or make your OC competent enough that he sees this OC primarily as a martial god and not for her femininity

and finally, a coda:

"so if it's not womanhood that terrifies him but sex, specifically 'destroying' or 'defiling' someone via sex, does this mean he's also gonna have problems if such a situation would arise that sex with someone known to have an ascetic cultivation can occur?"

yes. yes it does. :)

--

TLDR:

feng xin did not have his phobias yet before jian lan

bro was raised with chivalrous (or chauvinistic) views on women and sex, later reinforced by untimely heartbreak

he is not afraid of women; he is afraid of hurting others in very specific ways, which goes against his born protective "role"

hypothetical ways to ease his fear: give him more perspective or reassure him that a person will not be harmed by him

coda: it's gonna be hard for him to fuck someone with an ascetic cultivation background. on both sides. PLEASE consider this

[gatekeeper-watchman]

Empathy

          Empathy, a word seldom used in our daily conversations, the meaning of which is understood even less by many of us, is defined in Wikipedia as “the capacity to recognize emotions that are being experienced by another…. being”, i.e. putting one’s self in another’s shoes—to feel another’s pain. Obviously, it is very difficult for one to feel another’s hunger when one’s stomach is full. It is very difficult, when one’s belly is full of expensive wine and luxurious dinners, when his baths are furnished with $4,000.00 shower curtains, when he lives in large and expensive homes, and when he drives expensive automobiles, perhaps even chauffeur driven, to comprehend the needs of the poor for basic food, clothing, and shelter. After all, you worked hard for yours, and they can do the same for themselves. Doesn’t everyone have equal opportunity? Think about it. Do we? Do we really? How many of you who read this have ever known hunger? How many know the absolute fear in the pit of one’s stomach when losing his job, with neither food in the closet, or money to pay the rent. How many have been out of work for a year or more with no job in sight and absolutely clueless as to where to turn? How many have had that feeling of being all alone with nowhere to turn—homeless perhaps? I dare say, not many.

          I suggest this to you, to everyone who reads this. The good old days are over; and, for most of us, they aren’t coming back—not in our lifetime anyway. We need all the empathy we can get—especially from government. If you think I’m nuts, you haven’t been keeping abreast of the news in the papers, on television, and/or on the internet. Our economy is in recession, our demand for product and services, the real producer of jobs in our economy, is down, and we as well as our government are in debt “up to our necks”. To exacerbate our problems as a nation even further, we are in a pseudo civil war with our government which has been overthrown by an oligarchy of the Corporatocracy and Power Elite within.

If you and I entered into a conspiracy to overthrow our government, we would be arrested, thrown in jail and, perhaps even shot. Our Corporatocracy and Power Elite, on the other hand, have taken over without firing a shot (that we know of), and not one of them have gone to jail. All that has happened to them is that some of them have been forced to pay huge fines, the money for which has come on the backs of their stockholders. They have usurped the power and authority to run this country from the three branches of our government which are supposed to be in authority.

You don’t believe me. Tell me. Who said corporations have the rights of free speech when they aren’t people. For that matter, who said they are people? I’ll tell you, but you already know. Our Supreme Court of the United States of America did. Not only did they do it once; but, also, they did so more than once. Now that doesn’t come close to being in our Constitution, does it? But they did it anyway. Was it cause or effect? I’ll leave that to you, but one thing is obvious, we are no longer a government of the people, by the people, and for the people. Our government, our Shadow Government, an oligarchy of the Corporatocracy and Power Elite, has their money in the pockets of a significant number of the elected members of our government; and they are pulling the string—running the show. They have effectively usurped our vote. Our underclass is growing, our middle-class is rapidly disappearing, and we are melting into the status of serfdom, not unlike Nero, fiddling while Rome burns.

What should you do about it? There is much we should do about it and it begins at the ballot box. Vote for a party of the people. Stay away from any candidate whom you think may follow the money and turn from the people when the going gets tough. Stay away from those candidates who follow the money. Stay away from any candidate who votes for the oligarchy of the Corporatocracy and Power Elite—especially those corporations which don’t pay income taxes and/or move their companies overseas. Vote for high tariffs on all products of those companies that move overseas and sell their products back here, especially those using slave labor abroad (If their wages and standard of living is less than ours and they work under sweatshop conditions, they are slave labor—a rose is a rose by any other name). Let’s adopt an amendment to our Constitution that takes private money out of politics and pay for elections from a surtax on corporate income (this would be a good time for a comprehensive reform on voting and elections as well as taxes).

This is just a beginning but we should begin with the election coming up in November. Let us shed our bumper sticker mentalities. Let’s really take back our country. Let’s get the Corporatocracy and Power Elite out of our government and out of our affairs. They exist to serve us—not us to serve them. Jobs? They’ll come. They’ll come when we start spending again—when our demand for product and service comes (Perhaps we should start with our infrastructure and go from there).

[mariacallous]

‘How can I make sure my child survives this?’

It’s estimated that LGBTQ+ people make up between 5 to 10 percent of any given society. This means that in Russia, there are at least 7 to 15 million LGBTQ+ individuals and up to 14 to 30 million parents of LGBTQ+ people.

According to kris pokrytan, a psychologist with the Plus Golos project (which mainly supports Russian-speaking families), parents of LGBTQ+ children often go through an acceptance process that isn’t linear or logical. Sometimes, there’s a “mourning period” before they come to terms with their child’s identity. But pokrytan stresses that there’s no one way to process things and not all parents grieve: “For a number of parents, [their child’s] coming out isn’t associated with a feeling of loss. Instead, there can be increased anxiety — where the parent is ready to accept [their child’s identity] but realizes there might be problems at school.”

Psychologists try to support the whole family: a child might feel relief after coming out, whereas a parent might sink into worry about how difficult life may now be — a fear only exacerbated by Russia’s latest anti-LGBTQ+ legislation. What’s dangerous is when parents show their child rejection as they navigate their own feelings. “It’s very difficult when a parent becomes unhappy with who you are,” says pokrytan. It’s possible to help work through stereotypes parents might have, but if they believe they can change who their child is, there’s very little psychologists can do.

Fathers in Russia are far less likely to accept their LGBTQ+ children than mothers, according to pokrytan. When a child comes out, their mom or dad also gets a new identity: the parent of an LGBTQ+ child. Everyone copes with this differently, but Russian fathers often don’t cope at all. The exceptions are few and far between.

After the Russian Supreme Court declared the so-called “international LGBT movement” an extremist organization, fewer people started reaching out to pokrytan. When they do, their questions are filled with a new urgency and fear: “How can I make sure my child survives this? How do we stay out of trouble with the authorities and take care of our mental health?”

‘May your love be infinite’

Fyodor and Alexey come home carrying a New Year’s tree, interrupting the interview. “What if we hadn’t welcomed them?” Tamara reflects. How would our traditions have continued? I think our son would be with us, certainly, but his beloved person, whom he’s been with for many years, wouldn’t be here. That’s a pretty strange thought.”

Tamara’s family puts on a play every New Year’s. “Alexey was very shy the first time, but now he’s gotten the hang of it,” Tamara says. “He called yesterday and said he’d invited his cousin and cousin’s girlfriend to the gathering, and also his friend and her two children. Of course, my older son and his wife and kid will be there too, as well as my husband’s sister. I’ve already assigned the roles.”

The family also organizes pride celebrations at home. At one, they held a symbolic wedding ceremony for Fyodor and Alexey. “Back then, I didn’t realize how serious it was for them. Alexey even cried, and they still wear the rings.” The speech Tamara gave at the ceremony ends with the following words: 

Fate has awarded you its greatest gift — the kind of love that all seek, but only the chosen find. Its tremendous strength gives meaning to life and helps overcome difficulties and conquer any mountains. May your love be infinite. And as for whom and how to love, that’s a personal matter.

After the Supreme Court’s ruling, Alexey’s mom thought her son and Fyodor should leave the country. However, they’ve decided to stay for now. Reflecting on the court’s decision, Tamara says it’s “convenient for propaganda to use LGBTQ+ people as a tool to distract society from real problems.”

Both Svetlana and Tamara say they’re afraid for LGBTQ+ people, not for themselves. Since the new law came into effect, Svetlana says, everyone’s become occupied with figuring out how to survive, whether or not they should leave, and the feeling of community has been somewhat lost. She worries for the young activists: “You feel like you can’t help in any way.”

Tamara says it’s painful to see the situation in Russia growing worse and worse: “I think, why don’t people come to their senses? These are absurd decisions. For what? What are we suffering for? I say ‘we’ because we suffer too. I suffer along with my children. I’m not afraid for myself — nothing will happen to me. I’m only afraid for my children.”

[beardedmrbean]

The aftermath of last year's fiery train derailment in eastern Ohio doesn't qualify as a public health emergency because widespread health problems and ongoing chemical exposures haven't been documented, federal officials said.

The Environmental Protection Agency never approved that designation after the February 2023 Norfolk Southern derailment even though the disaster forced the evacuation of half the town of East Palestine and generated many fears about potential long-term health consequences of the chemicals that spilled and burned. The contamination concerns were exacerbated by the decision to blow open five tank cars filled with vinyl chloride and burn that toxic chemical three days after the derailment.

The topic of a public health emergency came up in emails obtained by the Government Accountability Project watchdog group through a public records request. But EPA Response Coordinator Mark Durno said the label, which the agency has only used once before in Libby, Montana — where hundreds of people died and thousands were sickened from widespread asbestos exposure — doesn't fit East Palestine even though some residents still complain about respiratory problems and unexplained rashes. Officials also believed the agency had enough authority to respond to the derailment without declaring an emergency.

Durno said the reason a public health emergency isn’t being considered is that “we have not had any environmental data” about ongoing chemical exposures in the extensive air, water and soil testing program.

The EPA said in a statement that the order it did issue telling Norfolk Southern it was responsible for the damage declared that "the conditions at the derailment site ‘may constitute an imminent and substantial endangerment to the public health or welfare or the environment.’” So the agency said it didn't see a need for a public health emergency because it had the legal authority it needed to respond.

But area residents like Jami Wallace see plenty of evidence that their hometown has become a disaster every time they open Facebook and see posts about their friends' kids covered with rashes or struggling with chronic nosebleeds. Other posts talk about the smell of chemicals returning after heavy rains.

“They keep saying it’s a coincidence, but if this was your family, wouldn’t you get tired of it being a coincidence?” Wallace said.

Lesley Pacey, who is an environmental investigator with the watchdog group, said she wants to make sure that East Palestine residents get the help that they need to recover from the derailment.

“I talk to residents all the time and they’re having new seizures pop up, cancers. I mean, a lot of the damage has already been done to these people,” Pacey said.

Federal and state officials continue monitoring for additional problems in the small community near the Pennsylvania border, according to Durno. The EPA also keeps testing the air and water in the area as it oversees the railroad's work to clean up the mess.

He reiterated that none of the agency's more than 100 million tests of air, water and soil ever showed concerning levels of chemicals apart from the soil immediately around the derailment that was dug up and disposed of last year.

In the recently disclosed emails, an EPA lawyer tells one of its PR people it was “best not to get into this” when he was asked whether a document explaining the agency's order telling Norfolk Southern to clean up the contamination from the derailment should include anything about medical benefits. That kind of aid, which could include Medicare coverage, is only available if EPA declares a public health emergency.

“But again there was no data suggesting that that was necessary. And to this date, there is no data that suggests that that’s necessary,” Durno said

The railroad has already spent more than $1.1 billion on its response to the derailment, including more than $104 million in direct aid to East Palestine and its residents. Partly because Norfolk Southern is paying for the cleanup, President Joe Biden has never declared a disaster in East Palestine, which is a sore point for many residents. The railroad has promised to create a fund to help pay for the long-term health needs of the community, but that hasn't happened yet.

The emails also provide a reminder that the EPA was aware of the potential dangers of releasing and burning the vinyl chloride. But that was already made clear when the EPA advised officials on scene that phosgene — which was used as a chemical weapon in World War I — and hydrogen chloride would likely be created when vinyl chloride is burned and warned the public about that possibility.

The officials who made the decision to release the vinyl chloride — Ohio's governor and the local fire chief leading the response — decided that releasing and burning it was safer than risking a tank car or more exploding.

Ultimately, Durno said the EPA found only low levels of hydrogen chloride in the plume of thick black smoke and no phosgene. And he said the agency took extensive samples throughout the area to monitor for those chemicals during the burn and evacuation even though weather conditions kept its specialized plane with additional testing equipment grounded on the day of the burn.

The head of the National Transportation Safety Board said recently that her agency's investigation showed that the vent and burn of the vinyl chloride was unnecessary because the company that produced that chemical was sure no dangerous chemical reaction was happening inside the tank cars. But the officials who made the decision have said they were never told that.

The NTSB's full investigation into the cause of the derailment won't be complete until June, though that agency has said that an overheating wheel bearing on one of the railcars that wasn't detected in time by a trackside sensor likely caused the crash.

The EPA has said the cleanup in East Palestine is expected to be complete sometime later this year.

Rick Tsai, a chiropractor who ran in the March primary for the U.S. congressional seat on the derailment, sees a dismal future for the small township the longer that it goes without the resources it needs to make it safe again — resources the public health emergency designation could help provide.

“People are just about to give up,” he lamented. “I don’t think people have much hope anymore.”

[mbti-notes]

Anon wrote: What can I do in these situations? I realized I feel very fearful, even phobic about the internet now, by seeing how is talked about the way big companies manage private data, the thing of devices being vulnerable to any cyber attack and the way AI is being used to harass people and scam.

I feel… very terrified by all of this, I don't feel at ease even at my own home by living with smart devices. Is there a way I can make this more tolerable? I know we all need technology in our lifes now, but I don't want to feel spied on and vulnerable by it. It feels… very apocalyptic to me, and has made me fall in a pit of existential despair.

Then I started to think about my forgotten accounts, which made me VERY panicked. What if something happened to them and I didn't know? What if they're used for terrible things?

This worry has become so magnified in my mind, that I fear crumbling down when facing daily life things, and then even become bed ridden by the immense anxiety. I was bed ridden through many years by anxiety before so, this has become a huge concern.

I'm INFJ btw. Thank you very much!

-----------------------

Your anxiety sounds serious enough that I would strongly recommend getting professional help for it.

Phobias are considered irrational because they are based on faulty reasoning, distorted beliefs, or circular overthinking. For example:

1) Phobics exaggerate negative possibilities because they treat mere "probability" as near "certainty". This is often a problem of being bad at math or logic.

For example, the odds of dying by drowning are about 1 in 1000. What does that really mean, though? Does it mean that if you go swimming 999 times, you'll certainly die by the 1000th? No. What if you rarely go swimming? What if you are an Olympic-level swimmer? What if you only swim in recreational pools with other people and never alone in the sea? There are so many contextual factors that could affect the odds of drowning that trying to calculate the odds is basically meaningless when it comes to making life decisions.

2) Phobics envision mainly negative possibilities and overlook positive ones. This is a problem of distorted perception that then leads to distorted beliefs.

Let's say you read a statistic that car accidents are one of the leading causes of death. Because of this, you developed a fear of driving and thus always have to rely on others to transport you everywhere. Unfortunately, you don't live in a very walkable city, so this dependence on others causes you to lose a lot. You lose time because you often have to take indirect or slower routes. You lose energy because you always have to plan your outings very carefully. You lose opportunities because you can't always get to every place you need to go on time. You may even lose relationships because of being too dependent on people to come to your rescue when stranded.

If you were to objectively compare what you lose by not driving against what you could gain by being able to drive yourself, being able to drive is the better option. Furthermore, the fact of the matter is that you still need to be in a car on the road, but not driving yourself means that you have far less control over the outcome. Generally speaking, feeling less in control only exacerbates fear.

.

From these examples, it becomes more obvious why the best way to overcome phobia is to confront it and learn to master it, rather than give in to it. Just as not driving doesn't keep you out of vehicles and off the road, in 2024, there's no way to live life properly without accessing the internet. If you must do something you fear doing, the answer isn't to look for ways to avoid doing it but to learn how to do it to the best of your ability.

E.g. You can learn effective ways to protect your privacy. You can learn how to avoid getting scammed. You can learn how to use social media constructively. You can improve your judgment and be less naive or gullible.

You believe your fear is an indication of a dangerous world out there but, actually, your fear is an indication of your own low self-confidence. People lack self-confidence when they lack the knowledge and skill necessary to meet challenges and solve problems. The world is constantly changing and life will keep throwing challenges at you. The best way to cope is by being a good learner and adapting to change with new knowledge and skills.

Since phobias are irrational, an important aspect of overcoming them is becoming a more rational person, which means it's necessary for you to improve your critical thinking skills. For example, which option is more rational: 1) Avoiding the internet and living in a state of ignorance and anxiety, which basically means your life comes to a standstill? or 2) Learning how to use the internet more wisely, which means you can live your life confidently and fully?

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

Tw for mentions of sa and rape

How do you deal with nightmares around your trauma? Usually I didn't have many nightmares about my trauma or my abuser who caused it but lately I've been having them almost every night and it's kinda horrifying, it's stuff where it's like normal but I'm always on edge around him and he's threatened me saying he could rape me and other things I forget most of it after waking up but its still bad enough and then I'm always tired no matter how much I sleep and I don't want to sleep

Hi anon,

First of all please know you're not alone. This is something I've been struggling with for a long time. There are a lot of different potential reasons why you may be dealing with this.

Personally one of my problems was that I found these dreams highly important or significant to me. Every time my abuser popped up, I had to write it down and document it when I woke up. It created a vicious cycle where giving it that much space only enabled it to take up more space.

So when I stopped recording dreams with my abuser in it (only just recently) it completely shifted my dreams. My abuser would still pop up now and then but we would just coexist and it would overall be a good dream. It's not easy at all but I think it's about being able to reclaim power over your sleep and dreams, and realize that, in your mind, you can get to say how little he can hurt you.

If you have a psychiatrist, you may want to speak with them about beta blockers. I was prescribed beta blockers (Minipress) for PTSD nightmares, and while they didn't help me, everyone is different. Beta blockers essentially lower your blood pressure that may be spiking before or during sleep, which could be exacerbating the distressing contents of your dreams.

A lot of times we can't choose whether or not we dream about our abuser. But it could help to try and intentionally think about pleasant things as you drift off. My strategy is to just focus on world-building. So let's say I want to imagine going on vacation to a place I've always wanted to visit. I'd imagine looking online for hotels, finding ones with different kinds of hot tubs, maybe a water park, a high class hotel room, maybe imagine the cool food, drinks, amenities, and maybe some things to do in the area.

Go as specific as possible, like imagine they have your favorite food prepared exactly how you like it and imagine the person serving it to you and the super fancy restaurant you're in, and such. Try to ground yourself in this world by imagining the different things you can see, smell, hear, taste, etc, and soon you'll be asleep and hopefully immersing yourself in this world.

I think ultimately it's just about your point in recovery. I've been recovering for almost 8 years and still have work to do but I consider myself mostly healed so this might be something for a later stage. It makes sense if you still feel deeply traumatized by your abuser. While the symptoms can definitely be distressing, there is no rush to heal. At the same time, it's important to address this because for some survivors this can progress into somniphobia (fear of sleep), which can take a huge toll on your health. This article explains this further.

You deserve a restful sleep. Your abuser doesn't deserve to live rent free in your dreams.

If anyone else has any suggestions or comments, feel free to add on. Otherwise, I hope I could help, and please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun