#but I enjoyed it so much
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Queer Indian Media: A Compilation
A couple of days ago, @impala124 sent @lurkingshan an ask about the lack of discussion about Queer Indian Media in fandom spaces. I wrote about it here, @neuroticbookworm here, and @waitmyturtles here (both of them have excellent points, I highly recommend you read their posts!). It's become quite apparent that people are willing to watch and engage in discourse about queer Indian media, it's just that the lack of popularity and accessibility makes it harder for people to start. So, I've decided to make a list tracking all of the queer Indian media I know of, and hopefully also any meta/discourse about it, which is an idea I've had floating in my head for months now.
This list is by no means comprehensive, so if you have recs, send them my way! Text me on DM, send an ask, tag me in your posts, whatever. And though it's not possible for me to watch everything on the list, I will be slowly going through as many of these as I can and writing about them, as well as hopefully finding more stuff and easier to access versions for the ones that are harder to access right now. This post is going to be a slow work in progress, but I'm hoping to update it regularly. So, if you'd like me to keep you updated, let me know through the tags/replies and I will tag you in future posts!
I've tagged the people who've recommended certain shows alongside each show. Everything on here is available online. The hyperlinked titles lead you to the media itself, meaning that it's available for free online with subtitles. Other details will be mentioned separately.
Disclaimer: The media I have watched/read have recommendation ratings (which will not always reflect my enjoyment of something, rather are based on how much I'd recommend it). While I did lightly screen everything on here, the criteria was 'has a trailer or otherwise showing queerness to be a central theme in the story' and 'is available online', so take that into account if you decide to pick something up, and definitely watch trailers and/or skim the wikipedia pages beforehand.
Movies
Fire | English | @neuroticbookworm
Recommendation: 8.75/10 A 1996 movie surrounding a lesbian couple packed with commentary on religion, class, purity culture and more. Quick Pitch + Historical Context
Kapoor & Sons | Hindi | @neuroticbookworm
Available on Netflix, Prime, and paid on Youtube and Apple TV
Kaathal-The Core | Malayalam | @neuroticbookworm
Officially on Prime, also available grey without subtitles
Super Deluxe | Tamil | @neuroticbookworm
Officially on a paid streaming service called aha, grey on youtube
Dear Dad | Hindi | @neuroticbookworm
Geeli Puchi (Ajeeb Dastaans) | Hindi | @blorbingqls @neuroticbookworm
Available on Netflix
Cobalt Blue @blorbingqls
Officially on Netflix, also available grey without subtitles
Ek Ladki Ko Dekha Toh Aisa Laga | Hindi | @fallsouthwinter @usertoxicyaoi @neuroticbookworm
Available officially on Netflix, so watch there if you can, but can also be found grey in two parts without subtitles
Chitrangada: The Crowning Wish | Bengali | @silverquillsideas @neuroticbookworm
I believe it's available on prime, but you might need to do some digging. Also available grey on youtube without subtitles (the movie is in part Bengali, part English)
Shubh Mangal Zyada Savdhan | Hindi | @silverquillsideas @twig-tea @neuroticbookworm
Officially on Amazon, grey on youtube without subtitles
Maja Ma | Hindi | @flyingrosebeetle @silverquillsideas
Available on Amazon Prime
Badhaai Do | Hindi
Officially on Netflix, available grey without subtitles
Loev | Hindi
Available on youtube with Spanish (I think?) subtitles
Margarita With A Straw | Hindi
I believe this is a cut version, it is officially on Netflix which is likely the uncut version
Recommendation: 9/10
A self-discovery story about an Indian woman named Laila with cerebral palsy with great rep and beautiful execution.
Meta by @wen-kexing-apologist
Chandigarh Kare Aashiqui | Hindi | anon
Available grey without subtitles, officially on Netflix
Amar Prem Ki Prem Kahani | Hindi | @flowerbeasblog @aneechan
Officially on Jio Cinema, also available grey without subtitles
Time Out | Hindi
Available on Netflix
My Brother…Nikhil | Hindi
My Son Is Gay | Tamil
Hindi dub available on youtube without subtitles
Shows
Romil and Jugal | Hindi | @anixknowsnothin
You do need a vpn if you're outside India to watch it with the above link, it's also grey on youtube without subtitles
Recommendation: 8.5/10 India's modern gay remake of Romeo and Juliet, five years before Bad Buddy Random thoughts
The Married Woman | Hindi | @a-not-knowing-bisexual-wizard
Dev DD Season 2 | Hindi
Legitimately no clue whether this and the prev are grey or official
Made in Heaven | Hindi | @flyingrosebeetle @non-beingnary @neuroticbookworm
Available on Prime
All About Section 377, Still About Section 377 | Hindi
The Story Tales S2 | Gujrati
Insomnia | Hindi
It's a streaming service I've never heard of before, not unlike Gaga, this is one of the darker shows on the list so please do check out the trailer beforehand
Amra 2GayTher | Bengali
Available on two streaming services here and here, both paid
Mini gls from @twig-tea (og post here)
Firsts S3 | @tinyreadinglifelight
Neverland
Maaya 2
Last two eps do not have subtitles but the story is followable
The ‘Other’ Love Story @/silverquillsideas
Just Another Love Story
Books
Memory of Light
Recommendation: 5/10 A historical book set during the colonial era, the lesbian romance is mostly a subplot that loses it's way towards the end. It's kind of a drag, but the history component is somewhat interesting.
Don't Let Him Know
Recommendation Rating: 7.5/10 with serious trigger warnings including rape. It's a brutally honest book designed to make the reader uncomfortable, so proceed with caution. I personally liked it quite a lot, but that's majorly because of how authentic the book felt.
Falling Into Place
Recommendation Rating: 8/10 A modern lesbian romance that follows similar beats to the typical thai bl/gl. A little underdeveloped in some places, but overall quite good.
My Magical Palace
Cobalt Blue
The Paths Of Marriage
Marriage Of A Thousand Lies
#i have spent an inane number of hours on this post#but i enjoyed it so much#even got a little emotional#there's a lot of stuff thats available online for free with subs so i highly suggest you try some!#if you're hesitant to try something new go off of my recs#i know the structure could be better sue me#bookworm and turtles both mentioned in their posts that integrating indian media into queer media fandom spaces#would be a bit like an experiment#well this is going to be my contibution (and hopefully the catalyst to some of you joining in)#queer indian media#media recs#movie recs#queer movies#asian dramas#indian shows#bollywood#desiblr#asian lgbtq dramas#asian media#indian media
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Headcanon: the doomed future of Father Cronus
I thought my next headcanon post would come after the introduction of the Orange Side. But then I had a great brainstorming session with my dear friend @dorriostareyes about this part of my headcanon and it was so fun, I had to further develop it in a full post.
(Of course, if you, my dear - or anyone else - want to add more, feel free to do it! I would’ve never written this post without your contribution after all :D)
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An obligatory premise
In order to understand where this headcanon comes from, there are a couple things you have to know first. If you read any of my fanfictions, maybe you already know them. But in case you haven’t or you forgot, here they are:
1) There’s a reason why Janus has this name and the reason is that, just like the god whose name he bears, he can see the past and the future. His vision of the future, however, is not 100% perfect or accurate: he can see possible futures, doomed futures, or parts of the actual future. He can only interpret and decide which one to follow - or wait for the future to just happen.
2) Every time Janus meets a new Side, the mind gives him an introduction about who this Side is/will be and it shows him the possible futures of this Side. For Logan, it showed him how he could thrive or wither. For Roman and Remus, the mind showed him a future in which Thomas used them both.
And for Patton, the mind showed him two possible futures: in the first one, Patton is a caring, father figure, the Sides are all together and Janus can trust him. In the second one, Patton is a tyrant who takes control over the mind and his figure is associated with the god Cronus.
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Who is Cronus?
Cronus is the ancient god of time from Greek mythology. He is famous because he overthrew his father Uranus (the primordial ruler of the universe) and became the new ruler by taking his throne.
However, soon Cronus learned from his mother Gaia (the primordial mother earth) that he was destined to be overthrown by his own children, just as he has overthrown his father. To avoid that, he devoured all of his children, as soon as they were born. Only the last son, Zeus, escaped his fury, thanks to his mother who devised a plan to save him. This plan will then lead to Zeus successfully overthrowing his father and becoming the new ruler of the universe, thus fulfilling the prophecy. But that’s another story.
So, as you can see, Cronus isn’t exactly a nice figure. He is an incredibly powerful force of chaos and disorder: he is not just a god, but a Titan i.e. a primordial force of the universe. And he defeated the first ruler of the universe. According to the myth, the Titans were ALL scared of Uranus: only Cronus was bold enough to take the lead and defeat him.
But Cronus is also a being who was so afraid to lose his power, to do the most terrible thing a father could ever do: devour his own children. If you’ve ever seen Saturn Devouring His Son from Goya you might have an idea of what I’m talking about.
And this was also the starting point for my headcanon.
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The association with Patton
Patton is and will always be a very powerful Side. He is the center of Thomas’ emotions and his own heart. Patton is a force impossible to ignore: whether Thomas wants it or not, in the end, he will always have to deal with Patton.
Patton never used his power with malice: he did wrong, sure, but never to hurt. His one and only goal was always to guide and help Thomas.
Patton is a great liar and manipulator but, again, he never does it because he wants to hurt others. He never forces the other Sides to agree with him. All he wants is to work together.
This is the Patton we all know, the one that has always talked about cooperation and compromise, the one who does wrong and apologizes, the one with no bad intentions behind his actions.
But how would Patton be if, instead of pursuing compromise, he focused on his goals only? How would he be, if he decided that he was right and everyone else was wrong? How would he be, if he used his influence and power with malice?
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The one and only ruler
This Patton is a tyrant. He is the only guide Thomas ever needs, the only Core Side, the main one. Thomas must follow him and listen to his advice only, because Patton knows best: he knows what’s good and what’s bad, so if Thomas has any doubts, he should ask him. Patton will always guide him on the right path.
Of course, this Patton didn’t get so much influence in a day: he gained it slowly, day by day, by being on Thomas’ side for every little thing. Oh, a friend is asking for your help, Thomas, wouldn’t it be nice to help? It would and you would be very happy! See? Aren’t you happy, now that your friend is happy too? Good kids are happy when their friends are happy and you are a good kid, so of course you’re happy!
Look, Thomas, that poor child doesn’t have anything while you already have so much. Wouldn’t it be nice to give your toy to them? Aren’t you good? You are and good kids like you always do good things.
Mom and Dad are so proud of you, Thomas, when you do good things! You should always be good, so they will be happy too. And others will be happy too. Wouldn’t it be nice to be good for the rest of your life and always take care of others?
And Thomas would listen. Why should he question Patton, after all? He’s his guide, he always points him on the right track. If Patton says something is good, then he can be sure that thing is good. And if he says something (or someone) is bad, then Thomas should stay away from it as much as possible and everything will be okay.
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“Devouring his sons”
This Patton is a tyrant, but he’s also a father. He has a family, of course. And he is more than happy to introduce his kids to Thomas.
The first Side he introduces is Logan: he’s Thomas’ logic, so he is immensely helpful! He will help Thomas through knowledge, he will show him proofs of goodness and, when Thomas doubts Patton, Logan will provide evidence to support Patton’s point. After all, Patton is always right so it’s natural that logic would be on his side.
The second Side Patton introduces is Roman: he’s Thomas’ creativity, so he is even more helpful! Thanks to him, Thomas will find a lot of ways to help others. Roman is full of wonderful, family-friendly ideas that will always do good and be good, so Thomas knows he can do them and be even better than he already is.
And then, Patton introduces another, random Side. And this one is his kid too, of course: everyone is his kid and he’s a father of a very big, happy family!
But Thomas should be careful because this kid is problematic. This kid doesn’t behave too well. This kid can be dangerous for Thomas. And yes, sure, Patton talks to him and does his best to make him good, but this kid is still very bad. He just refuses to be good. Thomas can’t be good with such a bad Side around. What if he does something terrible because of this Side? What if he hurts someone, because of this Side?
Thomas can’t hurt anyone. He should - no, he must be good. And the bad Side refuses to change. Can Thomas do anything? No, of course not, only Patton can do something but, oh no, nothing works. Maybe they can ignore this Side? No, they can’t either, because this bad Side will always push Thomas to do bad things. And Thomas doesn’t want to be bad, right?
There is only one thing they can do to solve the problem and, as always, Patton has the right answer.
As I said in my headcanon about the life of a Side, Sides cannot kill nor be killed. The only one who can hurt them is Thomas. So, what would happen, if Thomas gets forced to choose between “a very dangerous” Side and his one and only guide, who has always shown him the right thing to do?
Just like Cronus devoured his sons, this Patton would (metaphorically) do the same. He would be the tyrant, who rules the mind over mountains of bodies: the bodies of all the Sides he made Thomas kill, to keep his power intact.
Because he’s the only one who is good.
Because he is the only one who is right.
And Thomas should be as good and righteous as Patton wants him to be.
And so, every time a new Side appears to challenge him or even just to change Thomas’ perspective, Patton welcomes said Side with open arms and sugary smiles, introduces him to Thomas, shows Thomas how terrible and bad this Side is and how impossible it is to change himm, then he convinces Thomas to destroy that Side.
Of course he won’t talk about “killing”, nor “destroying”: he would just tell Thomas he has to “get rid of” that Side. Because that’s what Patton is doing: he’s getting rid of all the bad things that might push Thomas to be bad.
All he’s doing all of this for Thomas’ sake.
Only after some time, Thomas will finally realize what he’s actually doing when he “gets rid” of a Side. But he doesn’t have to worry: Patton is here to reassure him that was absolutely the right thing to do. Patton knows Thomas better than the mind. And it doesn’t matter if the mind keeps creating “bad” Sides: Patton is there, to help Thomas recognize between good and bad.
Because only the good Sides will survive.
Because only the Sides who work with him can survive.
Because if you are against him, you will be destroyed.
Would Thomas have any doubts about this whole thing? Sure, of course. But Patton is his good, trustworthy guide. He would never give him bad advice.
And so the cycle goes: new Sides are born and try to oppose Patton, only to get destroyed. Because either you are with him or you are against him.
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Logan: neutral yet cold
This Thomas won’t be an actor. He must help others, so he must do a job centered on this.
Like being a doctor. A doctor can help a lot more people than an actor and bring a lot more good into the world. It’s the perfect job and Thomas must do his best, to be as morally righteous as Patton wants him to be.
This job is the gift Patton gave to Logan, to get him on his side. Patton always knew logic is very powerful and that having logic against him would be a HUGE thorn in his side. How can he justify his morals to Thomas, if logic itself is against him? How can he make his power more stable, if one of the strongest destabilizers works against him?
And so, he tries to lull him with his usual weapons: sugary words, cuteness, an overly innocent behavior.
Nothing works, because Logan does not care. He does not care about morals and emotions because those are not his area of expertise. His only goal is to gather more knowledge.
So Patton makes him an offer instead: work with me and I will let you be closer to Thomas than any other Side. Work with me and I will grant you access to all the knowledge you want.
This works: Logan is interested. He agrees and Patton convinces Thomas that being a doctor is what he has always wanted.
This puts Logan in the best possible position: like every Side, he wants to be close to Thomas and this job allows him to be close to Thomas almost all day. He can also constantly expand his mind because doctors never stop studying and learning. He has everything he wants.
In exchange, all he has to do is support Patton’s ideas when necessary. He just has to pick all the evidence supporting him and ignore the ones against him. That’s all. And, again, not that Logan cares: all he cares about are knowledge and being close to Thomas. Feelings are not involved.
So, well, the good thing about this possible future is that this Logan is the fully neutral logic he is supposed to be. However, this Logan never deals with his emotions - on the contrary, he completely ignores them. He doesn’t care about Pattor or the other Sides, he doesn’t care about the constant battle of the mind against the tyrant. He just took advantage of the situation: Patton is the one in charge, no one can overthrow him, so he sides with him to get what he wants. Simple as that.
However, since this cooperation is not made out of love but of convenience, if Logan is sure Patton is going to lose, he won’t have any problem changing sides. Still, even if he does that, he won’t openly oppose Patton: he would still pretend to be on his side while working on the sidelines for the resistance. He would be a major player in the exchange of information, a great help in letting more Sides talk to Thomas and his knowledge would be incredibly useful in general.
Still, he won’t do any of that, until he is absolutely sure of Patton’s defeat. He won’t lose everything he gained, for “morals”, “good causes” or “wellbeings”. Those are all concepts he doesn’t understand or care about. All he wants is knowledge and if someone can grant him that, he will work with them.
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Roman: Prince without kingdom
If Roman is angsty in canon, in this possible future Roman is very, very miserable.
He is the Side most influenced by Patton, who molded him into the perfect, obedient son. He’s still allowed to make Thomas creative, but his creativity should always be good and righteous and serve others, not the ego.
That would tear Roman inside because he is not just Creativity, but Ego too. And, according to these morals, he should basically deny half of his role, while constantly stifling the other half to meet impossibly high morals.
As a result, his ego is devastated and Roman clings to every second of creativity Patton grants him, no matter how much he should twist and turn his works to meet Patton's standards.
And these seconds won’t even be enough: Thomas is a doctor, so there’s not too much room for Creativity. Roman’s time with Thomas would be short and even shorter will be the times when he can use his abilities.
Still, would he complain about that? Oh no, he can’t. He should be the perfect son of Patton’s perfect happy family: he can’t complain, nor criticize his father.
But he can try asking for a little more. A little more creative freedom, a little more time with Thomas, a little more in general. Patton can grant him this, right?
Sure, Patton would say with a kind smile and soft words. He can give Roman everything he needs. He’s already giving him everything he needs! He has plenty of space to be creative: he has a whole room to do beautiful, good things. And he has Thomas too! Thomas is aware of his existence, so he can ask for Roman every time he needs him. Isn’t that perfect? Isn’t that what Roman wants too? To be useful for Thomas? He always says he wants to work for him: isn’t he happy to do that? Sure he is. Then all he has to do is keep doing his great job. He’s a beautiful, good, righteous prince. He knows what is good and what is bad. And if he has any questions, he can always ask for his dad and Patton will help him immediately!
And so Roman trusts Patton and keeps going with his job. He is a righteous prince. He should be the one Patton wants him to be.
However, he would still be consumed inside by jealousy. Logan spent 30 minutes talking to Thomas? He’s jealous. Logan can expand his knowledge as much as he wants? He’s jealous. A new Side is introduced to Thomas and spends some hours with him? He’s jealous.
And of course he is, he’s the embodiment of ego. He wants things for himself. But, again, Patton taught him to not be selfish so Roman can’t be selfish.
That leads to him constantly denying his own nature, keeping his thoughts inside and venting only in the depths of his room, deeply hidden from Patton’s sight.
This Roman won’t care about the Others. He would barely see them - except for the occasional Side that is introduced to Thomas and then destroyed. For Roman, they are just a bunch of terrible Sides, who constantly try to oppose Patton and their happy family.
Does that mean he would be able to physically hurt one of the Others? I don’t think so. It would be too much for him. And if he does it even by mistake, he would be obsessed and consumed inside. No matter if Patton comforts him and says it's okay and he did well: slaying fake monsters is a thing, slaying a Side is haunting. It’s a being like him. And hurting others should be wrong, right? Hurting is bad, right? And he’s not bad. He’s good. He must be good.
What would Roman think about his brother, Remus? Well, that’s more complicated. Roman should care about his brother because he’s his brother and family is important and caring for family is good. But Remus is full of weird, awful, bad ideas. And Roman can’t have bad ideas. He can’t be bad. He’s good. He’s a good prince.
As I said in my previous headcanon posts, Remus’ ideas can rise from his room up to Roman’s. If under normal circumstances Roman would just let them be and modify an occasional good idea when necessary, in this timeline he would be so obsessed with the idea of being good and righteous at all costs, to not let them emerge as much as they should. He would voluntarily block most of them and the few that can go past his control would be hidden deep down, away from Patton’s sight.
The final result is a very tamed creativity, even more tamed by Roman himself, in a desperate attempt to make his creations acceptable to his father figure. Maybe, if Patton likes them, he will give him more freedom. Maybe, if Patton likes them, he will grant him more time with Thomas.
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Remus: the most hated Side
Remus is everything Patton’s morals are not and this makes him the most hated Side of the entire mind. Every time Remus sets foot in the Subconscious, Patton is already there, ready to stop him. They would look at each other and Patton, with his sweetest tone and honeyed words, would ask him to come back into his stinking place, where his hideous influence won’t touch Thomas or his brother.
Or, if he wants, he can take another step. And suffer the consequences.
Remus won’t give a shit about Patton’s insults or his subtle threats. He doesn’t care about his morals. He doesn’t care to be nice or diplomatic: he sees past Patton's shit and openly tells him he is the worst. He does not move an inch and just tells him how disgusting he is.
It’s fun to tell Patton what he thinks, but Remus is still pissed. Patton is still succeeding in pushing him back. Remus still can’t find a way to get past his control.
But we all know Remus has a sharp mind: if Patton stops him, it’s because Remus hasn’t found the right way to sneak past him yet. He has to be more clever, more subtle, more creative. And so he keeps trying: he tries to sneak into the Subconscious, he tries to sneak his ideas into his brother’s room. He doesn’t always succeed, but when he does, it’s a small victory and it pushes him to try harder, to be even more creative.
Because that’s all it is about: being creative. He wants to free his creativity - and to free his brother’s creativity too. He’s Creativity just like him, so he deserves to create whatever he wants, no matter if Roman doesn’t think so. He’s his stupid himbo bro, after all, and Remus just wants to have fun by annoying him as all brothers do.
And he can't do it if Patton stays in the way.
Remus would be an absolute bitch. If the Others are the only force strong enough to oppose Patton, Remus is the one who tries the most. He has reckless plans and risks his life more than any other Side: but he’s clever, he always finds a way. And when he gets into trouble, Janus saves him before Patton can land a finger on him.
The result is that Remus keeps annoying the shit out of Patton and Patton can’t manage to get him long enough to destroy him.
At the same time, Patton isn’t sure he really wants to destroy Remus. First of all, he’s Roman’s brother and he’s not sure he will keep Roman’s blind trust intact if he kills his brother. Secondly, Remus is a rather huge part of Thomas’ Creativity (even if Patton doesn’t like the idea in the slightest) and the consequences of destroying him might be very dangerous for Thomas’ life. Too dangerous to even try.
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Virgil: a son and a spy
If in canon Patton and Virgil are a very powerful team, here they would be a terrifying good team. If Logan is the justification Patton needs to keep his power intact, Virgil is the force that scares everyone into submission, Thomas first. A grim reminder of how good and righteous he should always be: this is exactly what Patton wants.
So, just like he did with Logan, Patton tries to pull Virgil to his side. Virgil is a good guy, after all, he just wants to protect Thomas. And Patton can explain it to Thomas. He can convince Thomas to see Virgil in a better light and accept him. Doesn’t Virgil want to talk to Thomas? Doesn't he want to protect him? Doesn't he want to be accepted? If he works with Patton, he will be accepted. He saw what happened, to all the bad Sides who didn't work with Patton: they are all destroyed now. But he can avoid this terrible fate, work with Patton and be part of his perfect happy family, in which everyone does what Patton wants. Wouldn't that be great?
Virgil would be very, VERY conflicted about this offer. He knows Patton is too powerful and must be stopped: he actively works with Janus and the Others to do exactly that. He constantly tries to get to Thomas, for the sole purpose of reducing Patton’s influence on him.
At the same time, Virgil is a Side and all Sides want is to get closer to their person. In Virgil’s case, this need overlaps with another need: he wants to fulfill his role as Thomas’ protector. And, to do that, he can’t leave Thomas with Patton, the last Side who will be able to protect him.
But working with Patton makes him even more anxious. Virgil knows what happened to all of his dead brothers and he knows that, by working so close to Patton, he has to watch his every move, if he wants to survive. He has to keep calm and collected. He has to lie and hide his real thoughts. And he has to do all of this while being in the enemy’s territory 24/7, with zero contacts with the Others and zero ways to get in touch with them - because if Patton ever finds out, he won’t live long enough to regret it.
Virgil would be torn inside between two equally powerful forces: his fears and his need to protect. What should he do? What is the right choice?
He would talk with Janus about that. He would discuss Patton’s offer with him and Remus. And, in the end, it would be Janus himself to tell him to accept, for three reasons:
Virgil would fulfill his primary role as a Side (i.e. to be closer to Thomas)
Thomas’ protection is more important than anything else. If Virgil joins Patton, he will be constantly controlled, sure, but if he behaves, he would be allowed to talk to Thomas and protect him. And Thomas needs a protector as close to him as possible.
Virgil would be Janus' eyes in enemy territory and see if the Core Sides are willing to help overthrow Patton. He should be a spy, for the others and Thomas’s sake.
And, so Virgil becomes Janus’ spy. He goes to Patton, with an already planned lie: he left the Others because he and Janus had a fight. Because Janus insists they have to oppose Patton, but Virgil thinks maybe Patton is right, since he is so good at guiding Thomas. Maybe they should just follow Patton. But Janus refuses to understand, so Virgil left to prove him wrong.
The lie is plausible, enough for Patton to allow Virgil in. Still, he keeps a close eye on everything he does. But Virgil behaves: he doesn’t do anything weird, zero contact with the Others, Janus himself says he doesn’t want to hear from him.
Little does Patton know they don’t have to meet in person, to communicate. A slight change in Thomas’ behavior, a tiny act of selfishness, anything is good enough to prove to Janus that Virgil is okay and he’s protecting Thomas. His son is doing his job.
Virgil’s life as part of Patton’s perfect happy family won’t be easy. In the beginning, he would be very discreet with the other Core Sides. He would keep to himself and spend most of his time looking at how they talk, react and think. He learns about their jobs and thoughts. On the surface, he does it because he wants to better know them. Deep down, he’s searching for any chance of possible cooperation.
Logan would be tricky for Virgil, because of his lack of emotions. He would have a hard time, trying to figure him out. Until it would be Logan himself, with his clever brain, to realize Virgil is still on Janus’ side.
And so, he hints he knows and Virgil asks him to not tell anything. Logan would comply: after all, Patton never asked him to check if Virgil was on his side or not. Their deal is only about Logan’s cooperation with Patton... and if he made a deal with Patton, he can make deals with anyone else.
That’s what Virgil needed: now he knows that, if necessary, Logan would side with him and the Others.
Virgil’s relationship with Roman, on the other hand, would be very different - and yet, somehow similar to canon. At first, Roman won’t like Virgil because “urgh, he’s just another awful Side that steps into our perfect family” and Virgil won’t like Roman, because “urgh, he’s just a stupid, brainwashed Side”.
But the more time he will spend with him, the more he will start to feel sorry for him. This Virgil is used to Remus’ bright creative outbursts, so it’s very sad to see Remus’ brother, another Creativity, be so stifled. Virgil would spend time with him, give him appreciation, talk about trivial stuff. It would be an extremely slow plan to erode all the strict morals Patton instilled inside him - but he should still be extra careful because Patton is always watching.
Initially, Roman would be annoyed, but then he would slowly open up to Virgil. Before him, all he had were Patton and Thomas. Now he has someone to talk to, to laugh with, to show his works to. Someone he can, maybe, even call... friend.
This is Virgil’s new life. A life constantly on the line, with a terrifying tyrant watching upon him, while slowly gaining the other Side’s trust. Only at night, hidden in the room Patton accommodated for him to keep him away from the Others, he would let his thoughts roam freely and miss his family. He would miss Remus doing his crazy shit, his dead brothers and the ones still alive. And he would miss Janus, the father who gave him such a difficult mission, because they both knew how important it was to protect Thomas.
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Janus: the leader of the opposition
There is no doubt that, due to the knowledge he gained long ago from his vision of the future, Janus would be the first one to oppose Patton. He would oppose him by all means: by openly telling him what he thinks of his morals, by openly admitting he will never side with him, by constantly finding new ways to get past his control, so that his Sides can get closer to Thomas.
While in canon Janus takes care of three Sides, in this universe he would take care of a lot more Sides. He would have a lot of sons, all born from the mind in a desperate attempt of the mind itself to contrast Patton’s oppressive morals.
Janus would love each and every son. He would take care of them and give them the family they deserve. They would trust each other and make plans together, trying to find a way to get them as close to Thomas as possible. Janus would send them in the Conscious with a blessing.
And he would see each of his beloved sons being destroyed.
That would make him even more melancholic and cynical, compared to canon. He would live in constant pain for all of his losses. It’s hard for a father to lose one son, just imagine how devastating it would be to lose sons all the time.
At the same time, these losses would make him even more motivated in his battle against Patton. He wants to stop him and he will do it. Patton might be the one in charge, but things always change. And even though Janus still doesn't have a vision of the future in which things changed, they will anyway. He believes it. He has to believe it, because he refuses to think his kids will live in an oppressive tyranny forever.
Remus and Virgil would be the closest sons to him: Remus is wild, unpredictable, clever and an amazing ally. Also, he’s a creative force. And there’s another creativity he wants to get back, a force closer to Thomas: his brother, who is unable to express his creativity in full like him.
And, as the mind suggested to him long ago, Janus knows Thomas needs both of these aspects of creativity to work well.
Virgil is the son closest to Janus, the most similar to him: they are both protectors, they have the same visions of the world, they both understand the importance of taking care of Thomas.
And so, when he becomes a spy for Janus and the Others, Janus completely trusts him. He knows Virgil can do it. He knows he can survive. He’s clever, he’s strong, he’s good. He can do it. They plan everything together, down to the details. They are ready.
And then, that same evening, Janus finally realizes he is sending his most beloved child into the enemy’s territory. He won't be there to support or save him if things go bad. He won't be able to talk with him for a very long time. Maybe, if things go wrong, he won’t see him anymore.
That’s the only time Janus would break down completely and allow himself to be weak and desperate, to cry all of his tears and fear for the future.
But then, the day after, he would get back on his feet. Surrender is never an option. He will keep opposing the tyrant forever. Even if Patton destroys everyone else, even if only the two of them remain, he would still oppose him.
Their battle would mostly be made of conversations and subterfuges. Patton refuses to listen to anyone who goes against him - except for Janus. Janus is the only one who can talk to Patton, tell him he’s wrong, ask for a truce and get it.
However, those truces won’t live long: Patton might calm down for a week and give Thomas some peace of mind. But then he would suddenly destroy something or someone, claiming that Thomas wasn’t "as morally righteous as he was two days ago" and that he had to intervene.
In response, Janus would make more plans to get his Sides closer to Thomas. They might appear in the Subconscious, in Thomas’ dreams or whisper things to him while Patton is busy. Patton finds out about these rebellions, maybe even tries to get the trespassers, but fails. When he and Janus meet again, Janus would deny everything, while still confirming he won’t let Patton do whatever he wants.
Despite that - and despite knowing full well Janus is behind all of this - Patton never tries to destroy him.
Why? Essentially for two big reasons:
1) To make Thomas destroy Janus, Patton should first introduce him to Thomas, then convince Thomas he doesn’t need Janus.
But if he introduces Janus to Thomas, Patton would automatically lose this battle. Being introduced to Thomas is exactly what Janus wants: if he can talk to Thomas, he will tell him the truth, unlock all secrets and make him aware of what’s happening in his mind.
In addition to that, Patton will never be able to convince Thomas that Janus isn’t useful. He is Thomas’ self-preservation: no excuse is good enough to justify getting rid of him. Even if he says Janus is Thomas’ deceitful side. That won’t work either, because that’s not all Janus is and Patton knows very well.
Janus’ role is too deeply rooted in Thomas' existence. He can’t die and Patton can’t let it happen. Because destroying him would mean killing Thomas and everyone else.
2) Even if Janus wasn’t such a fundamental part of Thomas’ existence, Patton would still refuse to destroy him. And the reason is that, deep down, below all layers of self-righteousness, he still cares. He still sees Janus as Safe, his first friend. And he still wants his friend by his side.
Just imagine how powerful would he be, with the power of Thomas' own self-preservation supporting him. No one would oppose him ever again. He would be unstoppable, the one and only true ruler of the mind.
And so, he would offer Janus to be on his side. He would try to convince him with everything he has: threats, sugary words, memories of their childhood, deals. He would offer him power and control over everything. And he would see his offer being rejected every. Single. Time.
That would make him very, VERY mad. Why can’t Janus understand that Patton is right about everything? Why is he still so stubborn? He hates him. And yet, he still asks him again and again and again. And he still cares.
And Janus would use this attachment as leverage - because he also, deep down, still cares about his old friend. Otherwise, why would he waste so much time talking to him? Because he wants his friend back. Because saw two possible futures, when he was young: he saw the tyrant, but he saw a father too. A kind, gentle figure who worked with him and with all the Sides, who didn’t want to be a tyrant, but just a father.
Janus wants that future. And he will do anything in his power to get it.
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The mind: loss of balance
Aside from Janus who would spend years suffering for the whole situation, the mind would be the most compromised by Patton’s tyrannical rule. All the mind wants is to reach a balance and one Side ruling over everything and everyone isn’t balanced at all.
So the mind keeps making new Sides. They are all born from the Unconscious and slowly, under the guidance of self-preservation, they find a way to get past the Subconscious and reach the Conscious, up to Thomas. And then, they get destroyed by the tyrant.
The mind gets divided into two huge domains: Conscious and Subconscious under the tyrant’s rule, Unconscious under Janus’ control. Despite wanting full control over the mind, Patton won’t try to venture into the dark domain of the Unconscious: too dangerous, too wild, too many enemies and not “good” enough. He fears it and keeps it away from his reign. He would meet Janus on the border between Subconscious and Unconscious, not one step further.
However, even though Patton doesn’t want to venture into the Unconscious, his actions would still affect it, as well as the whole mind. Thomas’ mental health oscillates between moments of pure concentration while working, to brief moments of self-fulfillment while doing something good for others, to feeling utterly miserable for hours because he neglects himself too much.
That’s a difficult balance to maintain forever. Patton can do his best to keep everything in balance, but all he needs is one mistake to lose everything. And the more he goes on, the more difficult it is.
In the worst-case scenario, Patton can do it. He can keep Thomas under his thumb until he dies - maybe while doing something to save others. And if Patton would tell him it’s good to die like this, all Thomas would feel in his last moments is relief: he doesn’t have to think about others now. He doesn’t have to do it anymore. He can finally rest.
In the most plausible case, Patton makes one mistake. Maybe he asked Thomas a little too much at the wrong moment. Maybe he pushed Thomas once too often. Maybe Thomas just reaches his limit.
And that would cause the uprising of the Faint Ones.
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A possible overthrown
As I said in my first headcanon post, the Faint Ones are an agglomeration of concepts and ideas hidden in the depths of the mind, which represent the darkest, most inhuman part of ourselves, way more inhuman than intrusive thoughts and with no real purpose rather than destruction.
All these forces want is to rise and take control but, when the mind is perfectly balanced, they are kept deep down by self-preservation and never find a way to get out.
However, when there is a huge mental problem or a big toll has been taken from the mind (i.e. after a murder), the Faint Ones can grow stronger. And the worse the situation is, the stronger they become.
In this case, the Faint Ones are already a lot stronger than they are in the "canon universe”. Janus pushes them down basically every day and still, they manage to gain more ground. It’s a constant struggle to not lose more planes to them.
Until the day Thomas reaches his limit and has a full breakdown.
As soon as the mind loses its balance and its power gets weaker, the Faint Ones grow stronger, break free and climb the Unconscious at full speed, by destroying thousands of planes in their wake.
The huge trespassing and the damage caused by them, instantly activate the mind’s defense mechanism, which consists of essentially two things happening at the same time:
All Sides automatically lose their power, get locked into their rooms by the mind, and fall into a deep sleep
Janus takes full control of the mind and pushes the Faint Ones down by force
This won’t be fast, but it will take at least a couple of days. And while self-preservation pushes these forces down again, it also starts rebuilding the damaged planes. It’s not a perfect rebuild, but it doesn’t matter: it should be strong enough to give Thomas’ mind something to keep the balance between Conscious, Subconscious and Unconscious. Then it will be the mind itself to properly rebuild every plane. What matters now is that these forces are locked in the depths again and the mind is stable enough to not crumble.
The obvious consequence of all of this is that Patton will lose his power and Thomas will find out about Janus’ existence.
And the moment he finally meets him, he also realizes something very, very important: he needs help.
After his breakdown, this Thomas would do A LOT of therapy. He would need a very long time to reevaluate things in life and understand how wrong his mentality was. During this period, the mind would slowly start the rebuilding process, aiming for the balance it missed for a very long time.
However, the alarms won’t be turned off right away and Janus will still have full control for a very long time, to avoid any possible resurgences. Even after the alarms are off, he would still be unofficially in charge for some time, before the Sides can reach a full balance. And yes, scars would still be there, both in the planes and in the Sides’ minds. Time will help, but things just won’t be fully healed with a snap of the fingers.
Roman would take a very long time to heal, but the fact he is a creative force will surely help. Remus would help him explore more of his own creativity, Virgil would give him the appreciation he missed. Still, he would be deeply insecure and fear every moment he thinks about something selfish.
Logan would adapt quite soon, but his real change would take place in the far future, when he will finally confront his own feelings. And yes, he will also acknowledge that Patton’s rule was bad and that he is relieved to live in a better, more balanced mind.
While speaking of Patton… well, I like to think he would improve too, one day. Maybe he won’t completely switch from a tyrant to a father but he would mellow a lot.
Sure, he would still think he’s right and that he has always worked for Thomas’ wellbeing. However, he won’t be in charge anymore. He would offer his contributions only when allowed and they would be just a contribution out of many others. Thomas would be free to finally choose whatever he wants, without worrying about how selfish or not his choice is.
And Janus would keep Patton a on tight leash forever - something he would jokingly refer to as his reward and his punishment. He has his friend again, but he won’t be the same friend he had in his childhood. Things are different now. They are different and the mind is different too. But, this time, they can work together and compromise. And maybe, even if Patton will never say it, he likes this present too, when he can work with his friend and not constantly oppose him.
( Support me on Ko-fi )
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TAGLIST:
@willpowerwisps @royalprinceroman @reesiereads @mudpuddlenl @shelby-711 @allmycrushesaredead @aquatedia @sweetkirbi @whatishappeningrightnow @effortiswhatmatters @atlasistryingherbest @bella-in-a-bag @doydoune @miasheer @forever-third-wheeling @mishanthropist @corndot @payte @mcang3l @geekyapollokid @kawaiipotatuh @hypnossanders @idontreallyknow24 @imcrushedbyarainbow @simplyapannightmare @patton-cake @hereissananxiousmess @purplebronzeandblue @cynicalandsarcastic @empressserelene @dubstepbranch @chara-073 @lost-in-thought-20 @arobohamster @book-limerence @andtheyreonfire @ironic-is-a-bastard
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#sanders sides#analysis#Headcanon#my fanfiction#thomas sanders#patton sanders#logan sanders#roman sanders#virgil sanders#janus sanders#remus sanders#sanders sides theory#is the mind basically a character in my headcanon?#yes basically yes#it looks so long this#but I enjoyed it so much#it's a doomed future so it will never happen#but the possibility is intriguing
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I finished dorohedoro 🥹 I love shin, caiman, and dokuga
#waaaah I'm sad it's over now#but I enjoyed it so much#I want to read dai dark too#I wish there was more merch like why is there only two figures??!#I want plushies too#I need shin and caiman plushies...........
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Zoozve, my beloved
#i cannot tell you how much this made me smile just bc it's so full of love#moon#venus#zoozve#long post#sorry about that it's very long but it's very entertaining i hope you enjoy this lil zoozve gem haha#astronomy#astrophysics#space
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;]
#gravity falls#au#gravity falls noir#Stanford Pines#Stanley Pines#Stan Pines#Dipper Pines#Mabel Pines#my art#i had way too much fun with the backgrounds..#anyways last post got a lot of attention so i hope u enjoy this :D
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When irl pisses me off, I rewatch the Honda Odyssey scene to relax
#and it works#rewatching a movie because murder is wrong#i find it too easy to live vicariously through those gays in fact#logan especially#i love logan baring his teeth like a pug or a bulldog 99% of his fight scenes#i love how he enjoys swiping at wade. they're both little shits#i love how wade fights back. that backseat camera zoom holds a special place in my heart#the Homoeroticism of it all#it soothes me#deadpool and wolverine honda#deadpool and wolverine honda odyssey#deadpool 3#deadpool and wolverine#deadpool#wade wilson#wolverine#poolverine#logan howlett#deadclaws#deadpool 2024#buy a honda odyssey now and resolve your marital spats today!#“I haven't had this much fun in so long!” ahh grin
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my eyes are literally shutting but I have four fucking chapters to complete for a test tomorrow
#we had dissection in anatomy today#and god the smell gave me a headache#but I enjoyed it so much#but god the headache#and I had to travel two hours to get back home#and I’m so tIRED DKHSKAHSS AJ
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hii i recently fell in love with movies again so i made a uquiz where you can find out which actor would play you in a film about your life.
#enjoy <3#if you don't know the actor you get i've left a film recommendation!#i tried for a variety of actors but it had to be people i've watched relatively recently and had something to say about#like i haven't watched many films from the 70s/80s so not much from there#uquiz#film#quiz#personality quiz#mine#actor uquiz
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Percy “Has Been Waiting to Use This Meme as an Excuse” Jackson, and Annabeth “Never Seen a Meme” Chase
#this has probably been done before but#i enjoyed making this silly thing this morning#also is annabeth aware of memes in the show???? annabeth how will you bond with Percy#he definitely has a hyper detailed Minecraft world#anyway#pjo series#pjo tv show#percy jackson#percy jackon and the olympians#annabeth chase#fanart#pjo comic#my art#I’ve been really enjoying the show!! i need to reread there’s so much I’ve forgotten
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A heaven of their own 😊
A step by step process of this will be available at my Patreon on october 1st
#good omens#aziraphale#crowley#ineffable husbands#aziracrow#anthony j crowley#my art#I enjoyed drawing this so much you have no idea#I want to draw this kind of scene forever
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gideon & harrow OR rd and sf as cowboys please please please
It's the cowgirl necro and her gunslinger cav! Who is so damn extra she's got three guns: one left, one right, and one in pole position! (She swears the ladies love it!)
#You just KNOW gideons makes tons of these 'is that a gun or are you just happy to see me' jokes#She holds the third gun in her mouth#looking so damn stupid but grinning like shes the coolest lmao#how are you even going to shoot girl#also: the paint has to get onto the skin somehow#hmm. lot to think about...#that was such a fun prompt dear ! I ended up enjoying this waaaaay too much <3#gideon nav#harrowhark nonagesimus#I'm not gonna tag it griddlehark but in my mind this IS griddlehark - because this outfit would make Harrow go insane lmao#not that she'd ever let griddle take one step outside looking like that if we're talking serious#but it's a look - a look I LOVE#tlt#the locked tomb#my art#requests
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typical tavern scene
#dimension 20#fantasy high#fhjy#fabian seacaster#riz gukgak#adaine abernant#kristen applebees#figueroth faeth#gorgug thistlespring#got my version of this in lol. I feel like this is mandatory if u draw fh art#trying to remember whats on the menu at a typical swensen's. its been years since I last was at one#tho I am so absolutely unfamiliar with like elmville level of town scenery. just immediately drew from my own experience lmao#I used to think malls are the same everywhere.... but then I hear from my US friends and. wow they sure are not#mm. good day to reminisce a little bit. but I am now sleepy#not a lot to say abt this I think most of this is pretty straightforward. I did use this to test out some overlays in SAI2#that I never really touched. the talisman on fig's guitar case takes from the house protection talisman you'd put on the front door#and also I think kristen slipping while fully sat down is very funny and special. she means so much to me#okay. alright. I should really go to sleep. and tomorrow I should take my dang walk... see the sun#have a good night lads! enjoy ice cream
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I am such a big Werewolf Stan advocate I had to jump on this particular train 🙏 (but I didn't really wanna commit to full line art, you guys understand)
Oh, and you guys aren't gonna believe this, but here's part two 🙌
#I've been really enjoying the vampire/werewolf FiddleStan#which i think.... is for some october thing? uh fiddlestantober? or uh fiddle... idk i know it's because it's october!!#and I'm very glad for it#i love werewolf stan so much 🙏#i never really thought about vampire Fiddleford but yeah I've been enjoying that part too#anyway keep making that thanks guys 😋#I KNOW IT'S NOT SUMMER but wouldn't it be funny if they met outside of the fall months#put those bozos into situations 🗣️#this is why summerween exists in this AU guys TRUST 🙏🙏#cole's art#art#gravity falls#grunkle stan#stanley pines#fiddleford hadron mcgucket#fiddleford mcgucket#fiddlestan#FIDDLESTAN ‼️‼️🗣️💯💯💯#best ship in this fandom NO COMPETITION 🙏#werewolf stan pines#werewolf stan#vampire fiddleford#fiddlestantober2024#yyeeahhhh that thing#i am not a part of it i am hijacking just this one thing 🙏#i use the praying hands emoji too much sorry guys#gravity falls halloween au
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For the rest of our lives <3
#bakudeku#ktdk#bkdk#dkbk#katsuki x izuku#bakugou katsuki#midoriya izuku#mha fanart#ariart0#this is probably the biggest piece I've done so far#do you usually post close-ups in the same post? Idk but enjoy them! I put so much heart into each one of them 🥹#they're married your honor
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sooo so happie to launch into space the art i did for this @zukkabigbang2024 for the beautiful fic
The Mercy of Magpies
written by the wonderful showstopping @ranilla-bean and betaed by the equally iconic @faux-fires. Featuring dilves, birdies, true love, war, crazy plans, dubious plastic surgery and a galaxy far, far away. Please check out the rebloggable fic post with its special cover art here (or jump directly to the fic, I can't blame you, it is That Good)
also, some extra juicy plot relevant characters pop up in later chapters and havent been included for 👀 spoiler reasons 👀 but you can already try to guess who they are who's that pokemon style <3
#sokka#zuko#zukka#zukka big bang 2024#zukkabb24#atla#It's been such an amazing (ongoing) journey and labor of love and we're so excited to share it with you aaalll#i rlly think this is the biggest project ive ever tackled and it would have been impossible if my team hadnt been so supportive and perfect#fr Everything i could hope for in a collab#and the story is so beautifuull and i'm so happie with what i've done so far!!#rlly so so excited i hope u enjoy our Beautiful Bebe as much as we did#spacedilves#my art#id in alt text
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A Moment in Time - Dearly Missed
#love them so much#a moment in time is the title because seeing the sunlight once more is gonna only be for a short period of time...#because karlach [spoilers] non blue ended#and astarion spawn ending#the two people who havent seen the sun in decades#enjoying the sunshine that was robbed from them when they were forced into servitude#i only wish we could have extended this time for them... i wish nothing but happiness for them#baldurs gate 3#baldur's gate 3#bg3#astarion#astarion bg3#karlach#karlach bg3#bg3 karlach#astarion ancunin
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