#but I don’t think that I’m like? being irrational about anything I’ve said?

[paleode-ology]

the ofmd fandom is sooo messy oh my god. I’m seeing so many people complaining about the OTHER people who are supposedly being vicious to DJenks and others on the show and claiming that this was a bury your gays moment. and it’s so funny to me bc I have seen NONE of that. maybe it’s bc I’m not on twitter, maybe it’s bc I stg I have two thirds of the ofmd accounts on here blocked…. but good god. what is going on. why are we all yelling at each other rn.

[punksocks]

Astrology Observations: No.29

*only based on my observations, only take what resonates

(Oml I didn’t realize that I haven’t written out a proper observations post since May?? I’m so sorry y’all life has been crazy b u s y and the world has been on fire due to colonialism, but I’m going to write more again 🙃 I love astrology but existence is wild y’all)

-I had a client say Geminis always get Gemini tattoos.. while getting a Gemini tattoo lol (and they were right!!) (Leo suns are second most likely imo)

-mutable venuses like changes in fashion a lot, they tend to go through fashion phases



-Every Pisces sun I’ve met has said they don’t really like being a Pisces at least once. Which is so interesting because Pisces sun isn’t a placement in determent, Libra is ! And I think 9 times out of 10 Libras will say they love being Libras (or it’s a huge part of their personality fr)

-My favorite thing I’ve heard from a Libra sun I knew was that they hated doing all of the things that made them appear socially functional so I said “why do you do it? why not just stop doing what you hate?” and they just looked blank like they couldn’t even imagine not conforming (even though they were an aqua moon)

-Ok so I’ve been wondering why I’ve had repetitive instances of some people being passive aggressive and w e i r d at my main job when I literally own the business and I’m their boss?? But it’s that Lilith in 10th. No one is neutral about your energy and you can rub folks the wrong way just by minding your business. I don’t like it but especially at work bc I’m a Capricorn and this isn’t productive >:/ lol

-Oh another Lilith touching Asc observation is when people start a conversation with me like 60-75% of the time they try to challenge me or ask lowkey rude questions (sneak diss shit lol) like 3 different people asked me what tattoo I regret the most and I was like ??? Hello? Who are you? Lol these streets oml…

-cancer placements can be really centered on defending their self, their perspective, their family, their community (they don’t have to be but it can be a common trait). I just noticed the pattern after ages of wondering why cancer was associated with nationalism on a wide scale. (Pluto in Cancer generation and the rise in nationalism after ww2 for example)

-I feel like Sagittarius placements (especially the big 3) will always be ready to do something new and life changing at any age (moving abroad, going on vacation and exploring new places, getting their first tattoo, anything that seems like it’ll open the door to a set of new experiences)

-Strong mars and mercury energy can make someone brutal in arguments (air mars, Virgo and Gemini mars, even Kendrick is an example he destroyed Drake- and Kendrick has mars conjunct Mercury and a Gemini sun)

-Sag Venus culture is being clingy because you need a lot of attention/stimulation and suddenly ditching when you don’t get enough attention/stimulation to keep your interest 🥴 (even more with sag mars since they’re action oriented, they’re in the same camp imo lol)

-I blame America’s Aquarius moon for the cultural phobia of being too “irrational” or “emotionally expressive” ….while being known as being too passionate and irrational in many non US cultures (also the US and the emotional detachment for the sake of “progress”, dark side of this placement but thematic nonetheless)

-imo when sun’s transiting your Lilith you can feel like a lot of attention is on you, sometimes good but often pretty scrutinizing. I also feel like you can achieve some impossible things during this transit due to Lilith’s energy (she’s built for rebellion, so when a lot of criticism is pointed her way she finds an unconventional way to come out on top)

-I have so much writing to do but if there are specific placements you want me to do observations on, let me know in the comments and my inbox!

[bleubrri]

ushijima doesn’t propose to you with a ring.

granted, he has no idea why, considering that the box is sitting in the pocket of his shorts at any and all times. he’d spent months trying to get every detail right; unfaltering in his desire to marry you, but every other decision had been made and remade a hundred times over. he’d stopped counting after the fourth ringband and thinks that the jeweller started to hate him around the seventh ‘final’ decision for the cut of the stone.

he’s never been particularly indecisive, in fact he thinks he’s quite the opposite, and yet he can’t seem to stick to his guns on anything.

he almost proposes before the flight, though as he watches you toss sunscreen and string bikinis into a suitcase he thinks it might add an extra weight to the holiday, like some strange pre-honeymoon. if he asked you in a restaurant ushijima isn’t entirely sure you’d say yes, and every night at dinner he has to choke the question down.

in the garden?

in the city?

it needs to be special, not too public. maybe not in public at all—

“toshi?”

“hm?” he lifts his gaze to find you staring at him from your place next to the bed.

“i said can you throw me my water bottle?” you repeat.

he nods, resigning himself to thinking of a plan later and crossing the room to hand you the bottle. you tuck it into the beach bag that you’re packing and—maybe the beach? perhaps at night, when it’s more secluded and he can recite everything he loves about you without the added pressure of an audience. ushijima gets the sudden irrational fear of dropping the ring in the sand and is reconstructing his whole plan when you take his hand in yours.

“are you okay, love?”

he blinks, squeezing your hand and flashing you a small smile. “of course, why?”

“you’ve just seemed a little.. distracted? distant? i don’t know, i figured you were just stressed.” you tuck your phone into the pocket of your bag and turn to give him your full attention, taking both his hands in yours. “are you sure nothings wrong, toshi? i can try and help if you tell me. i want you to enjoy this holiday too so if there’s anything i can do to—”

“marry me.” he blurts, without a plan and without a ring and with his heart coming up out his throat. the grip of your fingers goes slack for a second, your voice dying and eyes going wide.

“what?” it’s barely a whisper.

ushijima sighs, taking your face in his hands and thumbing over your undereyes while you look up at him through wet lashes.

“i’ve been trying—” he says, a fond smile curling his lips, “—to ask you to marry me.”

you find yourself blinking away tears, nodding frantically as you try and unclog your throat long enough to fucking speak.

“yes.” you breath, “yes of course, of course i’ll—yes.” you’re laughing, tears bubbling at your lashline that he swipes at before they get a chance to fall and tipping your mouth to his—needy, desperate little thing.

somewhere in the flurry of tongue and teeth, you end up being pulled onto the freshly made sheets and straddling his lap. toshi breaks the string of saliva that’s connecting your mouths to stare at you with stars in his half lidded eyes.

you find your palms smoothing down the broad plains of his chest that’s covered by the thin fabric of his t-shirt, resting them over his heart that seems to be thrashing against his ribs.

lips ghosting over his and noses barely brushing, you whisper, “you shouldn’t have asked me now.” and for a brief moment his stomach drops. “now i’m never gonna let you leave this room.” you smile, pecking his lips and slowly grinding into his lap.

large hands are secured on your hips and ushijima decides that he’ll worry about the details later. “maybe,” he chuckles, “that was the plan all along.”

[thebearer]

Annnnnnd how would Lip act in the situation of the devastation fic

i’ve had to think about this tbh. bc he kinda already had his own version with the unexpected pregnancy news of freddy.

but i started thinking in terms of lip’s reader leaving and taking the kids with her, and genuinely, i can’t think of a situation where that would happen and she would come back. like they’d be done.

now, with that being said, i could see lip and you getting into a fight- a huuuuugggeee fight. bigher than the one when you found out you were pregnant with amelia. this is based off of lip with best friend!reader who’s a elementary school teacher. she does pretty well, has a salary and insurance so wayyyy better than anything lip grew up with, but they’re not rich by any means. truly comfortable. lip’s working at the auto shop, still doing odd ball jobs but more full time, got promoted to a shift supervisor and got a raise. you both share a bank account together bc it makes it easier.

debby (bc it’s always debby and i’m a debby hater sorry) does something stupid. stupid enough to need bail money, stupid enough that she might get franny taken away or placed into custody elsewhere. debby calls lip, wailing and frantic for money, and lip, of course, rushes to give in.

comes to you all frantic and manic. “hey, uh, i-i need to move some money alright?”

“move some money? why?” you frown. “lip, are you- is everything alright?”

“debby got arrested.” lip mumbles. he’s known you for a while, a long while, he knows your disdain when it comes to debby and her carelessness. more so, his incessant need to always pull her out of the hole she dug herself in. “she needs money for bail.”

“woah, woah, hold on.” you stop him. “you’re- you’re not- lip, absolutely not.”

“what?” lip snaps. “absolutely not? what-“

“-lip.” you glare at him lightly. “no, we-we don’t have that kind of money right now. jude starts daycare next month, and the daycare fees are going to double-“

“-yeah because you insist on puttin’ them in that fancy ass one by your school.” lip scoffs. “couldn’t leave them with mrs. mcgee. too fuckin’ good for that.”

“yeah, i am too good to leave my babies with a lady who chain smokes and watches the price is right all day.” you glare. “i want my babies to go somewhere safe and- that’s not even the point right now. lip, no. you’re not doing it. we can’t afford it.”

“we can fucking afford it. don’t start this shit with me-“

“-lip, we might have the money for it, but that does not mean we can afford it. that’s our savings, our safety net-“

“-and this is my family. my sister.” lip gritted his teeth. “isn’t that what the safety nets for, huh? for shit like this? unexpected bad shit?”

“not for debby.” you snap, finality in your tone. “not for someone who continues to make bad decisions and not learn from them and then wants you to run and get her out of it every time. i’m sorry, lip. this time i’m not letting you do it.”

that escalates bc one, you told lip he couldn’t do something which just made him turn more stubborn, and two, he’s blinded with irrational rage.

“what about franny, huh? she’s your fuckin’ niece, you’re gonna just let her get put in the system-“

“-franny is more than welcome to stay here. i will gladly take her while debby’s figuring shit out, but you have kids you need to think of. two kid that are yours that you need to think of, lip!”

“don’t you fucking dare.” lip snarls. “don’t you use my kids against me.”

“i’m not using them against you! jesus, lip, you don’t get to just come in here and tell me what we’re doing with our money! that’s my money in there too, ok? i’m telling you right now, if you fuckin’ use my money on this, and not think about our kids, you might as well just not come home.”

lip is furious, leaves without another word, slamming the door hard behind him leaving you in the house with freddy and baby jude. you’re fuming, upset, hurt- he’s feeling the same. lip is furious, furious at you telling him what to do.

he ends up at ian’s house after coming dangerously close to going to the alibi. ian talks him down, tells him you’re right, which was not what lip wanted to hear.

“debby can wait. she’ll get out soon enough and she can figure it out.” ian rolls his eyes. “she shouldn’t have been such a fuckin’ moron.”

“what about franny then, huh? you’re gonna just let her go into the system? let cps get her until then?” lip spat furiously.

ian scoffs. “franny is with carl right now. he’s bringin’ her here tonight.”

lip burns with embarrassment, feeling petulant but still pissed. “hey, word of advice?” ian smirks. “quit bein’ a hard headed jack ass and go home and apologize to your wife before she comes to her senses and leaves your ass for good.”

and lip is still mad but it’s dwindling, a guilt replacing it instead. he just needed to calm down, to think straight. walking back to your house, he had the time to.

lip jammed his key in the door, the ridges not sliding the usual way, not clicking. so he tried again, turning the key with no luck- it didn’t budge. he pulled on the knob, twisting again and again but nothing. “stupid fuckin’ piece of shit door.” lip grumbles, knocking on the door.

he waits, huffing, knocking louder. when there was still no response, lip goes to pull out his phone, only then does he see the pink envelope with his name on it on the welcome mat.

lip opens it up to find a note:

“phillip,

since you insist on doing whatever you want without asking me or considering our family, i decided i would do the same. you can go stay with debby since you chose her over me and my kids.

ps. don’t bother with the lock, i had them changed xoxo”

he found his car keys under the envelope. lip was furious, absolutely fucking furious and sick and upset and just overwhelmed with every emotion possible. you hadn’t even given him his lighter, so he took a walk to the corner store to buy a pack of spirits and a lighter. he called you on his way back, not surprised when you didn’t pick up.

“hey, you know, i know you think you’re bein’ real fuckin’ funny but this shit isn’t funny, ok? i didn’t choose debby, i didn’t do shit, alright? so let me back in the house and let’s be adults about this.”

then another voicemail.

“alright, seriously? you’re not gonna let me in? you’re not gonna let me come say goodnight to freddy or jude? that’s fucked up. really fuckin’ fucked up.”

“you’re bitchin’ me out about not spending money, and-and you get that done? get the locks changed? how much did that cost huh? you can use money to be petty and childish but i don’t get a say in what i want to use it in?”

“ok this is ridiculous. let me in. talk to me. be a fuckin’ adult.”

“seriously? where the fuck am i supposed to sleep tonight? i know you’re fuckin’ seeing’ these- i can fuckin’ see you! just let me in!”

you don’t budge. don’t reply back, don’t answer the calls. he knows better than to bang on the door, wake jude or freddy up, and truthfully… he’s a little terrified at the moment. very scared that you’re truly done with him, that ian was right and you’d come to your senses.

so he slept in his car. in the driveway, thankful it was warm that night and he had a few spare shirts and things in the back. he waited until the next morning, when he knew you’d be up with the boys, to ring the doorbell.

his anger had vanished to fear and guilt, retreating back to you with his tail tucked between his legs, all sad eyes and gentle apologies that you deflected with anger still bubbling.

it definitely took him a while to make it up, a very long while before you actually gave him his new key. he had to make it up to you, work on his communication and his sharing especially with you.

[bravo4iscool]

Levi Baby🖤

The way I adore you for pairing Simon with a Chubby girl. I bring a thot to you if you're interested:

Bodyguard!Simon Ghost Riley x chubby f!reader

- He's newly retired , gets asked for a favor from Price for a friend's kid

- Said kid is a mid 20's thicc woman who is all business since she's a lawyer in Human Rights and involved with the UN.

- He thinks she's going to be a snob based off looks bc girl loves to dress and she does it well, she observes Simon as he is. Brooding, Haunted and Self Assureed with a drizzle of dark humor but loyal.

- They get off on the wrong foot [Simon was being an irrational ass forgetting his manners and respect], reader isn't scared of him and doesn't take lightly to being disrespect3d for no apparent reason.

- They're holed up living together under the radar since the thr3at to reader was pretty big seeing it was world leaders

- They're going to have to learn to live with each other, where Simon barks orders - reader is anamused and calmly condescends. He can't even get annoyed bc she's antisocial and a houseplant but he's trying

- doesn't help that he's so.so attracted to her.

*make this as suggestive as you want (give ghost heart attacks with her choice of home clothes please. We know he's touch straved, emotionally constipated and needed a therap session.

Make her stress him out by confronting all of that in her short fiery demon way please.

I hope your new year is sweet Love💋

oh lord. oH LORD. how can you write this and not think about me fainting😭 THIS IS- URGH- AMAZING AHHHQGACQGQVQZQZAVQ!!!!

i hope i can do this justice😭 normally i try to imitate simon’s accent but bro… i was just too tired to do it now, so i hope you can forgive me for that🥲

KEEP HITING ME WITH STUFF LIKE THIS OH MY GOD😩

not really happy but i tried my best :) also not proof-read!

(masterlist)

REQUESTS/ASKS OPEN!!!

“There’s no but’s!” Simon argues while almost dragging you—his protégée—along the hallway inside the safe house. “You’re in danger and it’s my job to protect you!”

“I’ve been perfectly fine on my own before,” you argue, trying your best to wriggle away from his grip. You hated it when he manhandled like that.

He turns around, his eyes fiercely staring down at you and you feel like they’re piercing through your soul. “Have you ever had the Taliban threaten you, huh? Or fucking ISIS? I don’t think so; so stop whining and follow me!”

You want to argue with him, tell him he’s not allowed to talk to you that way but damn, you knew he was right. Ever since you started working for the UN you’ve been threatened—you were getting used to it—but only by small groups not someone like the Taliban.

“We’re gonna stay here until the threat is eliminated for not serious anymore.” His statement leaves little room to argue but you’re itching to say something anyway. It’s wasn’t your nature to just shut up. You were a lawyer, you were used to arguing.

You grimace as you force yourself to accept your fate. You didn’t want to but in the end you knew Simon was right. So, you follow him, an annoyed look on your face. You hated it when he was right.

“It’s only temporary,” he grumbles as he kicks a door open and pushes you inside. “It’s not like I want it, okay?”

You only roll your eyes, throwing a halfhearted ‘whatever’ at him and inspecting the room he hauled you into. “This is where I’m gonna stay?” you ask him, a slight hint of defeat in your voice.

“Pretty much, yes. I’ll be on the other side of the hallway,” he explains, leaning against the door frame. “In case anything happened, of course,” he immediately adds; just so you don’t get a…wrong picture of this whole thing here.

“We got wifi here?” is you next questions when you turn to look at him, your arms crossed in front of your chest.

“No wifi. No contact to the outer world,” is his answer and you feel your blood start to boil.

“You have to be kidding me! How am I supposed to work then?” You throw your hands in the air, letting out an angry huff. “You can’t just cut me off civilisation!”

He only shrugs. “I can and I will. Work can wait, alright? Your life is more important now.” Again his voice leaves no room to argue but this time you won’t take it. You put your hands on your hips, looking up at him.

“You think that’s how it works? Then, please Lieutenant Riley,” you spit out his rank “fly over to the dozens of war criminals and tell them to stop too! Oh wait-“ you act shocked. “That’s not how it fucking works! You can’t expect me to sit still and look pretty while the world drowns in injustice!”

“Would make things a lot easier tho,” he mumbles under his breath while pushing himself off the door frame. “Just…do something that doesn’t require wifi or anything like that, alright?” Before you can even think of an answer he leaves, shutting the door behind him. Why the hell was he treating like some little child?

~

“How old is she?” Simon wants to know as he hands his old Captain the picture of you back. He’s sat on a chair, his legs spread, one arm resting on the back rest.

“Mid 20s,” Price answers, placing his folded hands onto the table. “She needs security and her father’s not really…trusting the usual companies; and since you’re nearly retired I thought you could use the job.” Simon holds Price’s gaze and nods along. “He trusts me, therefore he trusts you. She’s a lawyer, heavily associated and involved with the UN and human rights.”

“What are the details?” Simon slightly tilts his head, curiously raising his eyebrows.”

“24/7 protection. The full package. You’ve done it before,” Price explains and Simon once again nods along. “Before you take the job tho-“ he pauses. “She’s, well… she’s a lawyer Simon. You need to know what you get into.” The Captains gaze hardens, his back straightening. “She won’t like that she’s on protection detail, therefore she’ll be treating you like that.”

Simon only smirks, flipping his well kept coin between his fingers. “There’s nothing I can’t handle John. I’ve met people like that before and I was perfectly fine.”

Now Price was the one smirking while shaking his head. “I know and I don’t question your abilities but she’s a civilian—the one you’re protecting. You can’t handle this the way you’ve handled other subjects before.”

“I know what I’m getting into,” Simon assures in a calm tone definitely not knowing what he was getting himself into.

~

“Fucking hell,” Simon mutters when he first sees you. You’re walking straight to you office—the one he was sitting in—involved in a heated talk with that seemed like your secretary.

He’s able to make out single words but well, his hearing wasn’t the best anymore after nearly 20 years of military service. And now he thinks he probably should’ve stayed in the field.

The way you’re waking and talking and dressing just screams ‘snob’ at him. He slightly lowers his head to gaze at you, once again playing with his coin. Maybe he should’ve declined the offer and taken on the underground wrestling instead. Would’ve been more fun for sure.

As soon as you spot your guest you send your secretary away, bracing yourself for the following conversation. You weren’t a fan of getting security and you definitely weren’t a fan of the fact that it was a friend of your father’s friend and he—apparently—was everything but easy.

“Lieutenant Riley,” you greet him, extending your hand to him. When he stands up to his full height you slightly crane your neck; the professional smile still on your face.

“Ma’am,” he greets in a gruff voice, the skin of his hand raw and calloused as he return the handshake. “Pleased to meet you.” He isn’t. He just wants to leave but he brought this on himself so he needs to finish it now. ‘One year’, he told himself. ‘Then I can quit.’

“I can only return the pleasure,” you smile, clearing your throat. “Would you mind sitting down at my desk?” You ask, pointing towards said desk. “I think it’s easier to discuss business over there.”

Simon agrees, towering over you as he makes his way over to one of the chairs in front of the desk. You take place behind it, carefully straightening your blouse. He needs to warn himself not to stare. Fuck, why were you so pretty? A pretty little snob…

~

“This has to be taken seriously!” Simon raises his voice at you, successfully blocking the door of your office.

“This is nothing I haven’t dealt with before,” you argue with him, crossing your arms in front of your chest. “So please, Simon, let me get out of my office and back to work.”

He huffs, “Not a change. You’ll be staying here until the threat is cleared.” He glances over his shoulder, loving and hating the fact that you had a glass office. “Are these bullet prove?” he asks, looking at you again.

You sigh, “No.”

“We’ll have that changed,” he immediately answers and you start to shake your head.

“We’ll have nothing changed! You weren’t hired to renovate my office!” You walk towards him. “Now, Mr. Riley, please step aside so I can continue working.”

“Not happening.” He straightens up to his full height, expecting you to back off but you do the exact opposite. You swat your finger at him, looking up.

“I don’t care what you think, you will stay here; if you want it or not.” His voice is stern and stoic and you need to do your best to not full on scream at him.

“Don’t you dare talk to me like that,” you hiss, your index finger jabbing his chest. “I can make my own decisions, I’m a responsible adult. So don’t you dare talk down to me that way!”

When Simon doesn’t make a move you let out an angry huff and shake your head. Then you turn away and stalk towards your desk. “Fucking military man,” you curse under your breath, ignoring the way he stared you down.

~

You stare at your open suitcase, debating what to wear. On the one hand, you kinda were on your own, on the other hand, Simon was with you.

You were comfortable in your body—no question—you actually kinda liked the extra cushions but sometimes you felt like Simon was staring at you. Like he wasn’t able to take his eyes off of you and that made you…feel something. Something you were afraid of.

“Ah fuck it,” you say under your breath, fishing out some shorts and a shirt. You could care less about what Simon thinks. You both are only work related. Nothing else.

You tap down the stairs, walking straight into the kitchen. “You want something to eat?” You ask Simon, glancing at him when you hear him enter.

“You willing to make some?” he jokes, expecting you to say ‘no’ but when you say ‘yes’ his eyes widen and he pauses for a second. When you notice it you let out a small chuckle, opening the fridge and multiple cabinets to see what you could make.

“Any friends that’ll miss you?” he asks once you place a plate in front of him, looking up at you with curious eyes.

You shake your head, “Nope. Not really.” You sit down opposite of him, grabbing your fork. “Too busy to have friends.”

He tilts his head, blindly picking up the food either his fork. “No boyfriend?” He knows you don’t have one. You have no dates, no flings, nothing; but he wants to hear it from you. Maybe then his fantasies wouldn’t be so forbidden…

“Please,” you laugh. “We’d be divorced before we even married.” You take a sip of water and look at him. “I don’t have time for relationships and that kind of stuff. I have a target to pursue. Ain’t no time for distraction.”

He only nods in an understanding manner, playing with his beer bottle. “And you?” you ask. “You got someone?”

He shakes his head. “Nah. I’ve got you to deal with. That’s enough.” He smirks when he sees your facial expression, letting out a low chuckle. “I’m sorry. That was uncalled for,” he continues joking. “But no. I don’t have anyone. Never really had.”

“Oh…” you say in an almost pitiful tone and he hates it. It not that he couldn’t get someone. He just didn’t want to. That’s a big difference. “Well not really different for me,” you then snort, slightly grimacing. You had this one guy ask you out for prom but that turned out to be a bet rather fast and after than you decided to not to date in school or university anymore.

Yeah sure, you were more chubby than other girls but that doesn’t mean that you’re not lovable, right? By now you were comfortable in your body—you were in your mid 20’s—but sometimes you felt yourself slipping back into the insecure girl you once were. The one who thought that no man would ever lay his eyes on her in a lustful or loving manner.

Simon’s itching to say something; to ask why you don’t have anyone… You’re perfect. You’re nice—even if he hated to admit it. You’re pretty, you’re so fucking soft… Did the men around you not see that?

“Simon?” You wave your hand around in front of his face, chuckling when he slightly flinches, his pupils blow. “Are you alright?” you carefully ask, eying him as if something was wrong.

But he only clears his throat, “Yes. Everything’s fine.” Then he hastily stands up and nods at you. “Thank you for the food.”

You watch after him as he leaves, a frown on your face. Was he really okay or was he just lying to you?

Simon on the other hand was probably turning red as a tomato. How could he allow himself to slip like that? Fuck, he needed to keep himself better under control.

As soon as he reaches his room he shuts the door and leans against it while opening his pants with shaking hands.

He had a—growing—problem and he needed take care of it. Now.

-

Approximately one week into the lockdown Simon finds you in the living room, crouched over a bunch of files and documents.

“What’s that?” he wants to know, looking over your shoulder.

“Work,” you simply reply, taking notes and pushing the papers around. You were so close, this close to finally finish this case but something was missing and it stressed you out.

He slowly nods, crossing his arms in front of his chest. “And how did you manage to get these files?”

“I’m a lawyer Simon. I have my ways and connections,” is your plain answer and you can basically feel him tensing behind you.

“What if they give away your location,”

“They won’t.”

“How can you be sure?” He tries his best to be calm but god, you were testing his nerves. He gave you strict orders and you were supposed to follow them.

You turn around with an annoyed sigh, looking up at him. “Because my father brought me those. You think he would sell me out to the enemy? I doubt so.”

You raise your eyebrow, waiting for any other complaint by him but be only looks at the files behind you, then at you again. “Maybe check the mission reports of the special forces.” With that he leaves you alone, more than confused.

You know why Simon told you what he told you when you find what you need exactly there. The mission reports were sitting somewhere beneath everything else because you didn’t pay much attention to them; in the end they were the solution.

Now you could finally link the crimes to someone and with that to the government or the military at least.

The next time you see Simon you almost jump into his arms, thanking him over and over again. “Now the case is finally closed,” you tell him with a big grin on your face, completely forgetting that you’re usually not so happy when around him.

Simon just awkwardly pats your back, pushing you off him and ignoring the burning desire deep within him. He knew it was risky to give you a tip but you were struggling and he didn‘t like that. He just hoped that you wouldn’t ask him why he knew that you should look at the mission reports. Once you knew that he was a war criminal this job would be over. And while you certainly were a pain in the ass sometimes he felt a very present attraction towards you.

-

Simon realises he’s a goner when he wakes up one morning and sees you walking around in a shirt. Just a shirt, as far as he can see and it does something to you. His hands are itching to touch you and he finds himself excusing himself more and more to the bathroom.

And you? You started to notice the kind of power you have over him and it makes you boast with pride. You, a chubby little lawyer in your mid 20s, has him, an almost 40 year old retired military Lieutenant, wrapped around your little finger.

After that you decide to play a little game. Wouldn’t hurt, no? Just subtle touches. Brushing his arm when you walk past him, patting his chest when he helps you with something, your legs touching his whenever you sit beside him.

He tries to shrug it off but you can practically feel how worked up he gets and how hard it is for him to keep him shit together; and that fuels you only more. How long would it take for him to break? To crumble beneath your touch, huh? You wanted, no, you needed to find that out.

Simon knows what you were doing. He isn’t stupid but he hates it. How was he so weak that you were able to play with him like that?

After a week, maybe two of you dancing around him he has you caged in against the kitchen counter, towering over you.

“What makes you think you can just play with me like that, huh?” he asks in a low voice, his eyes scanning your face for any reaction. “You think it’s funny? Working me up like that every day?”

You try not to be intimidated—or turned on—by him but god, he’s just- you don’t have any words for it. He’s tall, broad and fucking strong. You once got a look at the muscles under all his clothes and you weren’t the same after that. Nu-uh.

“I thought you like it,” you reply with a cocky grin, trying to overshadow your uncertainty. “Do you want me to stop?” You blink at him, acting all innocent and pure. In the corner of your eye you see his grip on the counter tightening. Oh, you had him where you wanted him.

A ‘bloody hell’ is all you get before his lips crash down onto yours and he heaves you on top of the counter. His hands find their way to your hips, scarred fingers tracing them and squeezing, wanting to pull you even closer.

The moment his lips touch yours you forget everything else. This is want you wanted—needed—for weeks. And lord, that man knew what he was doing.

You weren’t a fan of him dragging and pushing you around but right now? Right now you couldn’t wish for anything else. You bury your hands in the dirty kind strands of hair on the back of his head, gently pulling at them which results in him groaning in your mouth.

“Take me to the bedroom and maybe I’ll stop teasing you,” you breathlessly tell him once he breaks the kiss only to kiss you again immediately making you all hot and tingly.

You can feel him smirk against his lips before they trail down your neck towards your collar bone. “Ain’t gonna take you anywhere love,” he whispers and you’re able to once again feel him smirk against your skin. “Gonna fuck you right here on that kitchen counter. You want that?” he looks up at you through hooded eyes, which makes you swallow.

“Words love, words.” His tone is playful even tho you can see the desperation in the way his hands move all over your body, letting you see stars already.

“Yes…please,” you almost choke out, feeling like everything you want to say is being swallowed my your throat again. You’re unable to talk.

“That’s what I wanted to hear,” Simon teases, straightening up to kiss your lips again, cupping your cheek. “Gonna take good care of you,” he promises. “I’m gonna show you how a real man treats you,” he swears and you can feel a familiar but also unfamiliar heat building in the pit of your stomach.

(i got scared to write the rest👍🏼. i’m sorry, i’m still new to writing smut😭)

[spacequokka]

Page 85

Pairing: Jeonghan x Reader Genre: Fluff, College AU Rating: G Summary: A question mark. Word Count: 0.6k Warnings: None.

Punctuation had never been more menacing. Your hand shook as you stared at Jeonghan’s text message, unable to come up with a response fast enough. All he wanted was to see you, to come up to your dorm room for a little bit. It wasn’t like he expected anything special. The anxiety was irrational. Knowing that, you quickly typed a response before you chickened out, okaying the impromptu visit.

Roughly 536 seconds later, there were rapid knocks on the door. Oh, boy. Okay. Here we go. Keep it together, bitch. Don’t throw yourself at him. With a deep, steadying breath, you pulled the door open. “Jeong—”

You couldn’t even get his name out before his arms were around you, smushing your face against his chest as he nuzzled the top of your head. “It’s been forever!” He was breathless, as if he’d used the stairs instead of the elevator. His glee was contagious and you hugged him back, joining in swaying from side to side. “I’ll never leave you behind again.”

You laughed. “It isn’t like you can always take me with you. I still have classes and stuff.” The hug lasted beyond what you considered platonic but you weren’t going to complain about it.

He huffed before finally letting go. “Yeah, I know. But once you graduate that won’t be an issue.” He booped your nose and moved away from the door. “You’ll be free to travel with me.”

You headed to the mini fridge and pulled out two bottles of water. “Um, not really. Gotta pay off the student loans somehow, meaning I’ll be working.”

Jeonghan plopped down on your bed. “Okay, so we’ll find you something remote! Something on the go.” He took the water you offered.

You shook your head, dropping it for now. He wasn’t in the mood for logic and arguing with brick walls wasn’t your thing. “Have you gone home yet? I’m sure your parents missed you.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Are you kicking me out already?”

“No.” You shrugged. “Just asking.”

He shook his head as he took a sip. “You’re closer to the airport than they are. My stuff’s still in the car and everything.”

You raised a brow at that. “You’re staying here?”

Jeonghan nodded as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. “Yeah, I figured that would be okay. Unless you’ve got other plans?”

“No,” you said quickly, not wanting to hurt his feelings. “It’s just…unexpected.”

He grinned. “Surprise!” He sprawled out on the bed, beckoning you over. “Come on, sit with me.”

You hesitated for a moment before joining him on the bed, careful to keep some distance between you. Jeonghan didn’t seem to mind, his attention focused on the ceiling. “You know,” he said after a moment, “I missed this.”

“What? Sitting on my bed?”

He chuckled. “No, just… hanging out with you. Talking. Being together.” He turned his head to look at you, his gaze softening. “I missed you.”

“Oh, please.” You rolled your eyes playfully, but there was a warmth spreading in your chest. “If the Instagram posts were any indication, you seemed like you were having the time of your life.”

Jeonghan’s smile faded slightly. “It was fun, but it would’ve been better with you there.” You felt your heart skip a beat as his words sank in.

“One day, you’ll find someone to take on all these fancy trips.” You whispered as you picked at the blanket. “And you won’t even think of me.”

Jeonghan reached out and gently lifted your chin, making you meet his gaze. “That’s impossible. I could never forget about you, no matter where I go or who I’m with. You’re my rock, my confidant, the person who understands me like no one else.” He pulled you down beside him. “And I’ve been around this floating rock more than enough times to know if I could take anyone with me, it’d be you.” He pressed his lips to your forehead. “Treasure, you’re stuck with me forever.”

[snakeautistic]

I’ve always refused to take ‘because I said so’ for an answer. My parents learned this about me early on. It’s the kind of response that makes me angrier than almost anything can. I guess it’s the restrictions being imposed, choices being made ect for completely arbitrary reasons. That’s what frustrates me. It feels so patently irrational, in a world that claims to run on a rational basis (note: it’s okay that people don’t act purely on rationality, I know I don’t. My issue is more the hypocrisy of claiming to do so when you don’t.)

And the worst thing is if you push back against this, you’re met with a firmer shut down. It’s an unstoppable force (little autistic me) meeting an immovable object (my parents).

And the thing is I’m not just being contrarian for the sake of it! If a decision I don’t like on its face is made, if there is a genuinely good reason behind it I will be satisfied with that. Even if I don’t entirely agree with the reasoning, I will at least understand where you came from. But if there simply is not reason- if it’s simply an appeal to one’s own authority, I think I’m justified in being upset by that.

[sorinethemastermind]

Big Feelings Time (again)

In which Corvus tries to be there for Soren, and confessions are shared. #Sorvus

 Corvus had always known that there were some scars you couldn’t see. And he had also known that being good at hiding them didn’t mean they weren’t there. He hadn’t stumbled blindly forward, not knowing what the future might hold. He had known that Soren was scarred. And yet he was still the most beautiful person he had ever met, inside and out. Scars and all. 

 But knowing all of this hadn’t prepared him for any of it. Because knowing and seeing are two different things. And Corvus hated feeling so helpless.

  “I’m so messed up, Corvus.” Soren had said, once he’d calmed down enough to speak. He’d muttered it into Corvus’ chest, leaning into his embrace. “I feel like… like I’m coming apart. Like I’m in pieces.”

 He’d tried to pull away then, sniffing and wiping at his eyes. “Sorry. That’s stupid. I'll be fine.”

 And Corvus had pulled him back in until he stopped being silly and admitted that he was not fine. And then he’d told him that that was okay, because of course he wasn’t fine. 

 “I don’t want you to see me like this.” Soren had admitted, but Corvus had just shaken his head and held him closer. He’d tried to ask him about Claudia then, assuming that’s what this was. And then was when he found out about Lissa.

 “She- she asked about Claudia.” Soren had said after, leaning his head against Corvus’ shoulder as they sat in the supply room. “And Vi- Dad.”

 Corvus could hear the pain in the word. Didn’t know what it meant that he was using it again, whether it was a good sign or a bad one.

 “And I didn’t know what to say. So I just… I just ran away. I ran away, Corvus.”

 He’d tried to comfort him. “You don’t have to be ready to talk to her yet.”

 “I used to dream about her coming back.” Soren had said, sniffing again. “I used to think it would fix everything. But it’s all too broken now.”

 There wasn’t anything Corvus could do to fix it either, he was slowly realizing. He’d known, of course, on a logical level, that Soren’s family would always be a part of him. But with the goofy grin he always wore, sometimes it was easy to forget. It seemed like everyone else had, at least. So he’d offered to bring in the rest of the supplies, because even if he couldn’t do anything else, he could do that. And he had seen what must have been her there, standing by the crates, offering a kid some food out of one of them. 

 And he’d felt foolish when the irrational surge of resentment had swum up inside him, because why hadn’t she been there for her child when he needed her. Except Corvus knew that was stupid. He was only just beginning to scratch the surface of what Viren had been like, he couldn’t blame her for leaving. What might it have been like for her, if Viren had done this to his own son?

She didn’t know that he knew Soren, only that he was a crownguard like her son, so while she did try to ask after him, it was easy to dodge her questions. And after that they didn’t speak. Now, carrying in the final crate of supplies, Corvus found the door to the pantry ajar. 

 He hurried forward, wondering if somehow she could have found Soren, but it was just Ezran. He looked up as Corvus entered, his big eyes worried. He didn’t sound it, though. He sounded almost cheerful as he turned back and continued saying to Soren;

 “-so that’s why I think you should really stay in the lodge and help Opeli out a bit.”

 “I’m a Crownguard.” Soren was trying to say. “I’m not even supposed to leave your side. I’ve already-” “Soren.” Ezran said, his voice suddenly firm. “Stay inside and help Opeli. Please?”

 “...Okay.” It wasn’t like he could argue.

 “Thank you.” Ezran smiled at him. “And Corvus will stay with you.”

 “I think that’s a wonderful idea, King Ezran.” Corvus said quickly, even as Soren was opening his mouth to object. “Opeli can use all the help she can get.”

 “Yes. She really could.” Ezran dusted off his knees as he rose to his feet again. “I’ll be safe, Soren. Don’t worry. There are more guards here now, and Aanya will be with the next contingent. We’re safe here. Just rest.”

 As he walked out of the room he brushed by Corvus and added, softly; “Make sure he actually rests? He needs it.”

 Corvus nodded seriously, waiting for the door to swing shut behind Ezran before sitting on the ground beside his partner.

 “When I imagined us being together, it was never like this.” Soren said softly, after a moment. 

 “You imagined us being together?”

 “You didn’t?”

 “I did.” Corvus admitted. “Often.”

 Soren smiled, but only for a moment before his brows furrowed again. “I always pictured it sort of… peaceful. Cause you’re so peaceful. But I’m all…” And he waved his hands chaotically in the air before letting them fall back into his lap. “And now you’re just stuck picking up the pieces.”

 “You’re not in pieces.” Corvus told him. “And if you are, then I don’t mind helping you put them back together. Isn’t that what partners do?”

 “But maybe you don’t… maybe you don’t want to be-” Soren looked away, wouldn’t meet his eyes.

 Corvus’ heart thudded in his chest, but he took the other man’s hands in his own, forcing him to look him in the eyes as he said; “I love you, Soren. I love every piece of you. And I will love helping you put them back together, if that’s what you need me to do.”

 “You…” Soren’s eyes widened. 

 “I know it’s… it’s only been a few, well, days, really.” Corvus said, barely able to hear himself over the hammering in his chest. It felt like his heart was trying to burst through his ribs and spill out onto the floor. Not that he wasn’t already exposing it enough right then. Years of carefully built walls came crumbling down as he continued, breathless. “But it hasn’t been just days for me. I didn’t stay at the castle for Ezran. I stayed for you, Soren. Because you needed me. And you are the… the most…”

 “I love you too, Corvus.” Soren’s voice was raspy and choked with emotion. 

 And Corvus felt like his smile was too wide for his face, and Soren was beaming at him, his eyes sparkling with a million unsaid things. But they all somehow found a voice when he said it again, softly;

 “I love you.” And then again louder. “I love you!”

 “Soren, people will hear.” Corvus said, some last semblance of sense waking in him. 

 “I don’t care.” Soren said, leaning forward to kiss him. “Because I love you.”

 “But I didn’t mean to make it about me.” Corvus began. “I just wanted you to know that I’m here-”

 “Oh, shut up and just let me kiss you.” Soren teased. 

 So Corvus did.

[jayswritings13]

Locked out of Heaven - Lucifer (Hazbin Hotel)

Summary: Redemption is complicated.

💗Masterlist | AO3

Yeah, you make me feel like I've been locked out of heaven

For too long, for too long

“Are you sure that you’re ready for this?”

“This is what I have been working towards, Luci.” You smiled, “I haven't been more sure of anything in my life. I want this. I’ve earned it.” 

“I guess that I just thought that you weren't actually going to leave,” Lucifer said, stepping towards you, and grabbing your hand. “Leave me.” 

Oh. So, this conversation is actually happening. You wince, unsure if you could bear having this heavy conversation right now. Charlie told you over and over again this week that the portal to Heaven will open at 9am on the dot tomorrow morning. You didn’t want to be late, especially with how long it took for Charlie to get the portal to even come get you. Luckily for both of you, Emily and Sir Pentious have been trying to push things along faster for you. 

But now, Lucifer wanted to have the ‘stay here with me’ conversation. Right now, Lucifer was looking at you with these big eyes and small, sad pout. Right now, you were seriously considering not going to heaven and staying. Right now, you were thinking crazy. Right now, you were irrational. Right now, you needed to be stronger than ever, even if it meant your heart was breaking from the inside out. 

“Lucifer, I've tried to have this conversation a bunch of times with you!” You step back, pulling your hand from his grasp. “You never wanted to have it, so I figured that we didn’t need to.” You crossed your arms. 

“Because I never thought that this day would come.” 

Okay. That hurt. 

“Wow, you must think real high of me, then.” You scoffed, “Some stupid sinner who keeps trying and trying at redemption, but never making it. Just a fucking joke.” 

“Hold on, I didn’t mean it like that. I ne-” You couldn’t bring yourself to look at Lucifer at that moment. If you did, you knew that you’d break. 

“You’re almost as bad as Alastor.” You whisper, not fully meaning it, but looking for ways to wound him the way he had done to you. 

“Don’t you dare compare me to that-that man.” 

“Then, don’t throw your abandonment trauma onto me!” You sighed, hoping that blowing out the air from your lungs would also dispel the anger. No such luck. “You knew that I was working towards this since the day that I met you. You met me in Charlie’s hotel for fucks sake!” You slowly meet his gaze, ignoring the way that your heart twisted at the look in his eyes. “I am leaving for Heaven tomorrow, Luci. I love you, but this is bigger than you and I.” You said. “I need to do this for Charlie. Heaven needs more sinner representation up there to prove her hotel works.”  

“I know. I know that. Believe I do,” Lucifer said, taking steps up to you and embracing you in a hug, “But why you? Why must they take you?” 

“Luci-”

“No, no, no, no.” Lucifer mumbled into your hair. “Don’t say another word. I’m sorry. I know how hard you worked for this. I never meant to shit on your progress. And I definitely didn’t want to spend our last night like this.” 

Last night. 

Last night.  

Oh, tomorrow was going to be brutal. 

“I could never ask you to do such a thing.” Lucifer said, “I was just being emotional. I’m-I’m being selfish.” 

“I know. Me too,” You muttered, bringing yourself closer to Lucifer. 

“Remember: Apart, but never forgotten,” Lucifer whispered, gently kissing your forehead. 

Your heart cracked even further in your chest, and you hoped that Lucifer couldn’t hear the sound. 

Oh, oh, oh, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah

“Are you alright, dear?” 

“I wish you would stop asking.” 

“I’m-” Sir Pentious paused, hand outstretched and frozen, about to touch you, but almost like he was too afraid to make contact. “I’m sorry.” 

“Stop apologizing.” 

“I’m-I’m worried about you.” Sir Pentious said, “I want you to know that I sshall alwayss be here for you.”

You didn’t mean to be a pain. You didn’t want to be miserable. You were in Heaven—the very thing you have worked towards with Charlie for over a year! 

“Would it be helpful to inform you that Emily has been getting letters twice a day from Lucifer?” 

You head snapped up, facing Sir Pentious, who wore a smile at your new demeanor. 

“He-he’s writing me?” You said, as Sir Pentious nodded. 

“Emily’s been sstoring them for when you’re ready.” 

You are ready. You are so ready. 

“Would it be okay to read one?” You say before you can fully think through the consequences of doing so. 

“Of coursse.” Sir Pentious grinned nervously, “I brought one, jusst in casse. I had a feeling.” He said, handing over a white envelope, your name scribbled across the front in red, cursive ink. 

You waste no time ripping it open, scanning the letter for its contents. 

Hey    Hi     Hello     Dear (Y/N), I miss you. Charlie misses you too! I should have mentioned that first   Anyway, how’s Heaven? Is it still bright? I haven’t been there since the dawn of time haha. Probably hasn’t changed a bit. Hell sure has. Without you, everything is duller. Hell is just hell now. You always made it feel like heaven. I wish that I could be with you there. I wish things were different. I wish that I could spend every lasting moment with you, angel. You have my heart and my soul, so please take good care of them while in Heaven. Apart but never forgotten, your beloved, Lucifer

You re-read the letter multiple times, trying to rationalize ways that this was truly happening. That you were reading a letter from him. Your heart sank, knowing that this was probably the closest you would get to him for forever. This is how you would spend your time in heaven, missing him. You know that he wouldn’t want that for you, but that didn’t stop you. 

“I wish you could be with me here.” You whisper, folding the letter up and placing it inside the envelope once more. You turn to Sir Pentious, “Thank you for everything. You have been a really great friend through all of this.” 

“Sshall we go and get the other letters?” Sir Pentious smiled, as you nodded. 

The ache in your chest deepened, and you were sure that your heart was in complete pieces. 

Apart but never forgotten. 

Can I just stay here?

Spend the rest of my days here?

[ninapi]

▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄

┊┊┊✧ ⁺ ⁺╚══ Upper Moon Four╝

Premise: Obsessive emotions can rut anyone away, appreciating love with fear, anger, joy, pleasure and sadness can overwhelm even the purest of hearts.

Word Count: 2638

Note: You can read the first installment of this story here, this was requested by the lovely @star-dust-wanderer, sorry it took so long for me to finish this! 🫣

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Fear is an incredibly powerful emotion.

It’s very much needed for survival, that is a fact, as it helps you keeping yourself safe and away from all dangers life can bring your way.

But when it comes to love and those sort of complicated feelings, fear can become your worst enemy.

While the rest of the clones had their fair share of excitement with this flower girl, Hantengu hasn’t stopped shaking since the moment you escaped.

Were you safe?

Were you able to escape from this awful series of unfortunate events?

Were you sad and alone waiting for someone to come and get you from a hidden cave in the woods?

Just why he kept thinking about all this was entirely a mystery for him. But he couldn’t sleep, couldn’t even drink blood anymore. He was in physical pain from all this irrational fear to a point where Muzan told him to take a break, sort of…

“Get out of my sight, you useless creature…if I see you once more shivering in a corner today I swear I’ll crush your skull…”

His harsh words only made the grunting and shaking worse, if this wasn’t enough on it’s own he managed to anger his lordship. Why did his clones get him in this mess? Is not like he did willingly, he just absorbed them back, this never happened before, never their emotions were so high they would end up rubbing on him, this was a first and he didn’t know how to fix this.

“I need this to go away before Muzan-sama ends up eating us all…” quivering behind a rock he summoned them four, while all he could feel was fear, annoyance was as clear as water in his eyes.

“Fix this now!”

Sekido as usual was the first one to talk, “This is all your fault to begin with! YOU sent us her way, you agreed on taking this mission! And now you want US to fix it?” scoffing he just paced around said rock, “So easy of you to say…you never take on the dirty work…”

Karaku on the other hand was delighted with the news, “Do we know where she is? I can’t wait to see that gorgeous body of hers again…ahhhhh….my love….I hope she’s dying to meet me just the same way I am…” loud scoffs was all that could be heard in the background, presumably coming from Sekido.

“I just hope she’s still alive…poor girl…she didn’t do anything wrong and she’s so nice…so kind…” Aizetsu kept sighing from his place underneath a tall tree.

“She’s fine, I’m sure. I’ve never seen a stronger woman before. She even likes Sekido!” Urogi was circling them all from above, happily flying with excitement.

“I don’t know where the woman is, just go find her. Don’t come back until you get rid of her!”

“WHAT?” the four of them said in unison, dumbfounded by their counterpart’s instructions.

“I can’t keep living like this, you need to make sure this stops right now. I need her out of our life!”

“I don’t think getting rid of her would fix this problem…if any…my own emotions will drown you further…” Aizetsu rarely has any valuable input in a problem, being driven by sadness isn’t the solution to any problem, but this sounded about right.

“Sekido will consume you from the inside too…” 

“Ugh…We won’t kill her…but I’ll think of a way of fixing the problem.” without acknowledging  their higher self, they followed their self imposed leader, at least he didn’t want you dead.

“Aizetsu, can you track her scent?”

Pulling a little piece of cloth from his pocket, he sniffs it like a pup. “You had a piece of her kimono with you all this time? You disgust me…”

“Don’t listen to him, he’s just jealous because he doesn’t have one himself.”

“She’s in that direction…” he pointed south, the familiar scent he’s been craving so much filling his lungs causing a few tears to roll down his face.

“Urogi…”

“Yes sir!” flying as fast as he could through the vast forest, an immense amount of excitement filled his chest. While he’s the most calm of the bunch, just thinking of being able to see you once more was enough to make him forget about how hungry he was.

The night was dark, the moon kept hidden by pesky water filled clouds. Of course nothing that would stop Urogi from finding his prize, yet a bit troublesome to say the least. Storm winds kept pushing him on the opposite direction, washing away the soft floral scent he got to love so much.

“(Y/N)!! (Y/N) baby can you hear me? It’s Urogi! (Y/N)??? C’mon love stop hiding!” he screamed at the top of his lungs while flying low. He knew you were there somewhere, he could literally feel it, yet you were nowhere to be seen.

A little branch cracking caught his attention, his eyes glowing brightly in the darkness as the figure he’s been dying to see again finally reveals in front of him.

“Urogi-san? Is it really you?” unlike him, you couldn’t see in the dark, yet the powerful sound of his wings was a memory you treasured dearly and would recognize anywhere.

“(Y/N)!!!” a loud thud could be heard as your body hit the ground, a very heavy mass of muscle and wings crushing you and smothering you with kisses. 

“Urogi-san! I thought I’d never see you again! Why are you here?”

“We were a bit restless thinking of what became of you. Are you hurt? Have you been eating?” 

Giving him that lovely smile of yours,  you just shook your head. “I’m not hurt, all thanks to you all. Aizetsu-san made sure I got to escape safely. Are you four ok?”

“We’re fine just worried about cha. Let’s go find the others, shall we?” he didn’t really gave you time to answer, scooping you in his strong arms and giving you forehead a soft loving kiss while he crossed the forest once more, with you in his arms the storm winds were nothing to him, pure joy elated his heart and that was more he could ever wish for.

Once he managed to get back to others, he put you down puffing his chest proudly, “Found her~”

“Sekido-san!!!” you tackled the demon, wrapping him in a warm embrace, while the others knew you were quite fond of him, they never expected to see such a thing.

“Are you ok? You’re such a dumb woman, I’m sure you’re hurt everywhere, aren’t you? Show me your injuries, you idiotic pest!” 

His angry outburst made you giggle, even if he was angry he was worried about you, that much was clear. “I’m fine. Don’t worry, I’m tough, remember?”

Scoffing he stopped resisting your snuggling, “Yeah right, like a useless human could do anything on their own…”

“I wasn’t on my own though…Aizetsu-san helped me get out of there unscratched.” reaching a hand over to Aizetsu, you pulled him into the warm mess of tangled limbs you called hug. 

“I missed you…” the sadness in his voice was palpable, while the other three missed you as well, they were incapable of showing it the way he could.

“I missed you too. Did you manage to escape alright too?” you cupped his cheek, tenderly caressing it with your thumb, while he couldn’t smile, his eyes watered with intensity from your soft loving touch, nobody had ever shown such tenderness to him, he was a demon, undeserving of such delicacy.

“Yeah…we are all fine. Better now that you’re here…”

Karaku was enjoying the show from up a tree branch, drinking some sake while admiring your beauty from afar, “We need to get you back to safety, sweetheart. Otherwise our emotions won’t be at peace. Though, I still want to strip you naked and drink from your-“

“Shut your mouth if you ever want to use it again.”

Sekido’s outburst made you giggle once more and snuggle further onto him. “Are we going back to the cottage? Or is it still not safe?”

“The cottage should be fine, right boss?”

“Yeah the demon corps left the area a while back, even if they did a human living there on her own wouldn’t be suspicious.”

“As long as we aren’t there, that is. We would only bring her troubles…” Aizetsu sighed heavily, sinking further into your embrace as if trying to engrave this moment in his memory for eternity. The warmth of your body, your little squeezes, the soft touch of your loving kisses…in all honesty he wished he could enjoy those all his life. 

But there was no way he could.

“Let’s go, gorgeous. I’ll carry you in my arms so you don’t have to walk.” flying with Urogi was quite thrilling, though it was also pretty fast to arrive to wherever the aim was and that was something you didn’t want right now. “As much as I enjoy that, I think I would like to walk with all of you, if you don’t mind.”

They were all as surprised as the other by your response. It almost sounded like you wanted to spend time with them. But that couldn’t be true, they were your captors, they literally kidnapped you and forbid you to return to your home town, not even to retrieve the corpses of your departed family.

Aizetsu held one of your hands in his, gently caressing your knuckles with his thumb, “Let’s go.” 

Taking the lead was never reserved for Aizetsu, he lacked assertiveness, but even sadness can be useful when it comes to real love.

He had the most intense feelings out of the rest, while some might think Sekido was the obvious answer, sadness is more powerful than anger, it tears you apart from within, it makes you take stupid decisions, clouds your view of every possible positive outcome. But it also clings to the beautiful feeling of love, craves it like no other as it soothes their lonely heart.

Aizetsu was the one who triggered such anxiety in Hantengu, he was the sole reason for his constant breakdowns.

While the other three contributed to this, Aizetsu kept flooding his mind with insanity.

The moment you smiled at him and held his hand back, his heart just couldn’t take it anymore, sobbing, he kept on walking north, he needed to bring you back to safety, back to a place he could always find you at.

“Oi Sekido…If we bring her to the cottage…does that mean we can just visit her whenever we want?”

“Ugh…I guess…but try to suppress your joy or he will notice…”

Urogi danced in the gloomy night sky, even if Aizetsu had the best interaction with you this time around, there was always a chance to see you again, he could come and smother you with kisses whenever he wanted, he could just stop feeling like he was drowning. Being happy all the time can be as exhausting as being sad or angry, it makes you question your own choices, your own words, your own truthfulness, yet with you around he never had to question anything, he could utterly enjoy his joyful self, making you giggle, causing you to smile, being a source of happiness to you was more than enough for him.

Sekido on the other hand, had his mind filled with uncertainty.

While he knew you being safe would bring order to his messy thoughts, he also knew it was very unlike him to enjoy your company, your touch, your smile. He was in rage with his own self, he wanted to kick himself real bad, rip his own head off, he couldn’t fathom anger itself could bring something like love to bloom.

What angered him most was the fact that you didn’t mind any of this. You were surrounded by demons, demons that could eat you alive at any point in time, you were facing Karaku who could ravish you to pieces, and all you did was giggle like a fair maiden, blush at their words, cuddle them like they were a bunch of puppies. You’d end up dead at this rate…if you accepted them just fine, you could accept any other demon, they would not think twice and dismember you like a chicken for supper, drink your delicious blood like nectar from the gods.

“Woman. You can’t let anyone enter the cottage but us, you hear me?”

“What do you mean?”

“You…your scent…calls creatures like us…they won’t be as generous…”

“Ah….yes…anyone would party in that beautiful body of yours, my muse…I would if Sekido wasn’t as noisy…” the scowl in Sekido’s face was almost comical, yet he was absolutely right and that was a terrifyingly infuriating thought.

“Got it. Will you guys bring food to me then? If I can’t go out?”

“You can go out, dumbass. Just not at night.”

“Oh…that makes things easier, yes. But you will come and visit me, right?” the pleading look in your eyes made him feel somewhat light headed, an unusual sensation at that.

“Yeah yeah…”

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

The cottage was still the same way you left it, remains of the rope that held you captive, charred coal from Karaku’s bonfire…Urogi’s scratches on the floor, it held so many dear memories, even if they were fleeting, they were all very much treasured memories of yours.

They were hard at work reinforcing the door and windows, setting traps around the cottage, making sure no demon would dare to touch their prey. 

Aizetsu though, couldn’t bare being away from you and was currently laying his head on your lap while you caressed his long fluffy hair. 

While he was still sad about leaving you here on your own, he knew there was noting he could do, he couldn’t stay here to protect you, though he could come at any time, see your face, have your soft soothing touch all to himself.

“Aizetsu-san…I wanted to thank you…” your voice was nothing but a whisper, yet he could hear all of it and it made his stomach drop with anticipation.

“You were always so kind to me, from the start. Gave me a sense of safety I never felt before…” your words turned to silence yet your loving touch said more than your words, he could feel how much you cared for him, for the others, how you accepted them even knowing what they truly were, a sense of belonging bloomed in his chest the same way it did on the others.

“I’ll come visit when I can…will you…will you caress my hair like this when I do?”

“Of course, sweet stuff. As much as you want…”

Unbeknownst to you both, the other three were watching the entire interaction. 

They were connected after all, they were one.

That sense of belonging bloomed in all of them at once, and not an ounce of jealousy could be felt within any of them, not even Sekido.

This is where they belonged. 

Not by Muzan’s side, not fighting demon hunters, but in your arms.

A realization that was not only worrying but wholesome, as much as troubling.

Demons can’t fall in love, can they?

▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄

Masterlist

[positivelyruined]

An Interview with Tamlin

If our beloved Tam could speak for himself in our times. As told by positivelyruined for @tamlinweek 2024

Question One — How does the flack from the entire fandom and the world at large genuinely make you feel?

Tamlin sighed and rubbed his temples, “Well, it isn’t pleasant. There are things I’ve read that do give me the urge to track down certain people and transform them into cockroaches; but I think if I were to summarize it, it would be something like, ‘characters are people too.’ Despite our controversies, we do all have feelings. I think that deserves a modicum of respect, don’t you?”

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅��� ─────

Question Two — What are your thoughts on SJM and the way she’s written your story?

Tamlin bites his lip and scratches his neck, shuddering to himself. “Here’s the thing…Sarah and I — we used to be friends. Once, long ago; I can’t say that now. In Pyrthian this sort of thing would be handled with a duel over my honor; but perhaps in your world it’s more familiar as…death of the author? I think I heard that phrase somewhere. She and I are no longer on speaking terms. I would truly consider her dead to me.”

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

Question Three — Considering you have described your author as dead to you, would you now call yourself a free man?

Tamlin laughed wryly. “Quite honestly, I don’t think I’ll ever live down the damage that was done to my character. There are people out for blood. I’d honestly say it was one of my worst fears to have someone else shapeshift into me and commit crimes. Now, I’m living in that reality. I feel glad that there isn’t a fictional character incarceration program, because otherwise I’d certainly be living there. No — I am definitely not a free man, and I will be content to live the rest of my life as a hermit.”

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

Question Four — What can a person do to attract your attention?

He snickered. “By the cauldron, they could start by using my name correctly or generally not referring to me as a feminine hygiene product. Your lordship, or your highness is always appreciated…but for now, I would honestly settle for people just getting my name right.”

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

Question Five — People are saying Feyre never loved you and you never loved her. Do you have a response to that?

“I think it says a lot to be willing to sacrifice your life, for someone, doesn’t it?” He softened. “I always believed Feyre was my mate, but I still offered her the opportunity to go — to be safe. She came back for me. Right now…I would do anything to have her here with me; but there are times even giving your all just isn’t enough. All I can do is pray that she is happy. Thorns and all.”

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

Question Six — Do you have any fears that you would consider irrational?

Tamlin nods grimly. “Yeesh — caves, attics, any other place inhabited by flying rodents. Whoever decided that rats deserve wings needs a serious reality check.”

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

Question Seven — Have you ever been confused with another celebrity?

The High Lord shrugs. “People say I look like several people like Toby Regobo, Luke Eyesner, Legolass — although I’d like to think myself fairly unique. Pretty much, I’m the tall blonde one with an unpredictable face. It is a nice way to remain anonymous.”

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

Question Eight — Growing up, what were your favorite childhood games?

“Hide and seek, obviously.” He answers. “With enough practice, I learned how to shapeshift into objects. I was gone for nine hours once. People didn’t notice until they ran into a stepstool that complained about being kicked. It still felt like I won that game — although my brothers would have said otherwise.”

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

Question Nine — What do you look forward to in the future? What do you dread?

“Ah. Peace and quiet. The next Autumn festival. Fresh blueberries, and perhaps a nice nap in the sun.” Tamlin smiled, slowly. “What do I dread? Ever having to do this again, and the asparagus that Alis always cooks on Friday.”

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

Question Ten — If you could tell your audience anything, what would that be?

“If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say it at all.” He said, then paused to reconsider. “Also, pay attention to what you read. It is all too easy to let another's thoughts become your own. You have a brain. Use it.”

[borderlinereminders]

Something I’ve talked about is how I have a server on Discord that is just for me. A server where I can check things if I’m having anxiety or irrational thoughts. I think I’d like to share more about it because it doesn’t just need to be Discord. It could be an album in your phone or whatever else, but I find this really helpful. Everything is organized and easily accessible for when I need it.

My main advice is always to prepare for crisis, or even not crisis but being upset. Plan out what can help you instead of trying to figure it out when emotions are high.

I also have a self-care box but that’s a whole other long post. Here’s a blog post on how to make one though!

You can read below the read more for what the sections are about if you want!

The “Self Care (Loved Ones)” section shows channels like “best friend” “partner” and “other loved ones”. These channels contain screenshots those people have said to me that have made me feel loved. Not always things about them loving me directly but things like, in my best friend’s, reminding me to pack my good pillow so I don’t get neck pain.

There are also my two Tumblr channels. One for Tumblr Asks (yes, I save all your nice asks in my self-care channel, even if I don’t respond to them.). The other for “other tumblr” which usually shows stuff like tags people have left on my post that made me feel good, or I’ve even seen people have made nice posts about me.

There is also a memories channel where I write out my favourite memories after they happen so I can read back on them and remember when my lack of emotional permanence is making me think there’s no good in my life.

The next section is my “Other” self-care.

I have a channel for grounding. This is because when I’m really stressed, I forget how to ground. And having a channel that details it step by step for me, written by me and to me when I was calm, helps make it easier.

I also have a channel where I list my accomplishments. Things like blog follow milestones, numbers of orders for my business, getting my BA, etc. This helps for my lack of emotional permanence when I feel like I can’t do “anything” right.

And then my “read if panicking” is basically crisis instructions for me. It carries a quick grounding exercise and instructions that can help me if I need. (Things like grabbing a certain comfort item, a person to call if it’s needed, etc).

I also have other channels in my above categories you can’t see. Things like pictures of my dog and stuff like that. (Also other practical and helpful stuff that isn’t relevant for this post.)

This is what my self-care server looks like. What yours would look like is individual and up to you! But if you feel inspired to make one, I hope my explaining mine can help you start!

[mikasa-imadebiscults]

Girl I just love your fics and I wanted to see I could ask for one myself

Could you pls write a Mirko x Fem!reader where reader is insecure about her body and turns to sh but Mirko finds out and she comforts S/o and they make out while Mirko praises her and sings a lullaby to her for aftercare

Sorry if it's a lot

Ive been though a rough patch with sh myself and I just wanted to find a way to feel better

I know you might not find this though your inbox

But I figured it's worth a shot

Thanks

(Hello Anon, thank you for your kind words and I really hope this makes you feel better. Just remember, you are not alone in this, me and other people are always here for you. Also don’t worry, this wasn’t too much for me to handle)

More than Perfect

Rumi Usagiyama x FEM! Reader

(Warning: Self harm, swearing, and making out but nothing too spicy)

Insecure. If there’s one word in the world that can describe you, insecure couldn’t be more fitting. Your body being the main victim of your insecurity. Everything about it made you feel bad and often times you looked in the mirror wishing you were in a different body.

Rumi is everything anybody would want in a woman; strong, confident, independent, brave, beautiful, just utterly perfect. Too perfect for you, she deserves so much better, you believe. Those thoughts run constantly through your head, causing your emotions to dampen and dull.

Eventually those thoughts became darker and irrational, making you resort to a more unhealthy, dangerous course of action. Self harm. You do your best to try and cover up the evidence. You can’t run the risk of Rumi finding out, she already has enough to deal with plus you don’t want to burden her or worst, hurt her.

Though life doesn’t always go your way, it never does. Rumi ended up finding out, she was returning from a long day of fighting petty criminals and when she opened the door and called out to you that she’s home she got no response. She assumed that you were in the bedroom taking a nap or something, so she walked to the shared bedroom and opened the door. She didn’t knock because if you were sleeping she didn’t want to wake you.

But what she saw was unexpected. You were sitting on the edge of the bed harming yourself. You froze immediately when you saw your girlfriend standing in the doorway just as shocked as you are.

You opened your mouth to speak but couldn’t find the right words to articulate together. Your vision became blurred as tears formed over your eyes. Suddenly you felt a pair of strong arms wrap around you tightly but cautious not to accidentally hurt you.

Rumi knows that you must’ve suffered mentally for a while for you to go to this as a coping mechanism. She didn’t blame you one bit, the only person she blames right now is herself for not noticing or figuring it out sooner. But that doesn’t matter, what matters most right now is treating your wounds and comforting you.

“It’s okay, you don’t have to explain anything to me. Sit down while a treat your wounds okay?” Rumi says assuringly, pulling away to go get the supplies needed. Fortunately she wasn’t gone for long and started carefully treating you, making sure it hurts as little as possible.

The amount of guilt you feel is unbearable, you feel like a bother. Though your thoughts are easily interrupted by two hands cupping your cheeks and a pair of red eyes staring softly into yours. It’s almost like she knew exactly what you were thinking.

“I’m all done, now if you want to talk about it I’m all ears, but if you don’t then that’s alright too.” Rumi said, sitting next to you on the bed.

You hesitate for a moment before letting the words spill from your lips, “I’ve been..insecure about how I look and stuff..and I..just couldn’t take it anymore.” You confessed as you feel Rumi’s hands rub up and down your back for a moment before motioning you to sit on her lap. Usually she would just lift you up herself but right now she doesn’t wanna overwhelm you.

Straddling her lap, she wraps her arms around your waist protectively, you kiss her lips in which Rumi gladly reciprocates. But you wanted a bit more, trying to deepen the kiss you were left feeling disappointed when you lost contact with her lips.

“Are you sure about this?” Rumi asks, searching for any signs of discomfort.

“Yes I am..but I don’t wanna do too much, y’know.” You say and Rumi nods in acknowledgment. She is sure to not overstep a boundary and you trust her on that.

She gently puts one hand on the back of your head to pull you closer and kiss you. She lets you be the one to deepen the kiss, which is unlike her but she doesn’t mind at the moment. A minute goes by and you pull away for some air.

And Rumi took this opportunity to say something she thinks she should say more often.

“Your body is so damn beautiful, hell, even more than that. I am the luckiest woman in the universe to have a girlfriend like you. And don’t you forget that.” Rumi says in a matter of fact tone, accepting no denial to that statement.

You look into her eyes and see no sign of deception or untruthfulness instead you see nothing but confidence and sincerity. You embrace her tightly, grateful for her existence. She smiles softly at this and hugs you even tighter.

The both of you sit in blissful silence until you hear your girlfriend’s voice, but it wasn’t her talking, it was singing. She had a peaceful singing voice, like music to your ears. You’ve never heard her sing before so it surprised you but the shock didn’t last for long before sleep consumed you.

Masterlist

[noosayog]

wc: 1k

warnings/content: violence (just a punch), angst, fluff (finally)

part 11. directory here.

--

“Atsumu! Open this fucking door!” you rapt angrily at the door, yelling but keeping it to a whisper as best as you can. “What is wrong with you!” You look around, not wanting to cause a scene. 

The door swings open, this time with a more alert Atsumu and you barge in before he can slam any more doors in your face. 

“Sorry-” you hear him begin. 

“What is wrong with you?” 

Atsumu shuts up. You swivel around to glare at him, raising your eyebrows when he just stares at you like a fucking brick. 

He looks absolutely bewildered. Your annoyance rises. When he kissed you, he basically admitted to being in love with you right? How else is a girl supposed to take that? So isn’t a man in love who clearly did some messed up things supposed to be apologizing, begging, groveling?

“Why have you just been fucking stalking me all semester instead of talking to me?” 

Atsumu stares. 

“I thought you said I was the only one you wanted! You said you were telling the truth! I believed you!” 

“Now, hold on a second,” he finally says. 

“Oh, so he speaks,” you snarl sarcastically. 

He ignores that comment. “You said you needed time?” 

“What does that have anything to do with you pretending like I don’t exist?” 

“I didn’t mean to- Anyway, that’s basically what time means, isn’t it?” 

“No! It means I can’t just jump into a relationship with you and I want to take it slow and rebuild my trust in you! Not stop talking to me forever and just stare creepily at me!” 

He pauses to process, then relaxes a bit. “Princess,” he says patiently, calmly. “Time in a relationship usually implies that you want me to give you your space to think alone.” 

“What? No, it doesn’t. You’re lying. If you don’t,” you choke on your words, tears welling up again. “If you don’t want this, I wish you’d just tell me instead of promising me that you-”

“Let me just stop you there. There’s nothing I want more than this.” he emphasizes the word with a finger pointing between you and him. “And I’m sorry if I misunderstood what you meant.” 

You’re sobbing now, partly in relief but mostly you don’t know why. 

He steps closer, slowly, tentatively, watching you like you’re a wild animal about to scurry away at any sudden motion. When you keep still, he envelops you in his arms. You cry harder, knowing you’re being irrational and a bit hysterical while he’s being perfectly patient, petting at your hair and whispering to you to let it all out.

He’s gentle when he continues. “I’m sorry I was stupid and didn’t realize you wanted me to win your trust back.” 

You pound weakly at his chest. “Yeah, you’re a moron. You still haven’t even apologized for kissing some other girl.” 

He squeezes tighter. “I’m sorry for even thinking about it. I’ve never, not even for one second, thought about it since.” 

You quiet down, crying into his shirt. 

“You know,” he says. “I’ve been going to therapy. Figuring out what I can do to work on myself and be better like you asked me to do. Therapist says I need to work on my emotional intelligence.” 

You keep your head pressed into the wet collar of his sweater, letting out a squeak of acknowledgement.  

“Don’t really get it, but I’m trying.” 

You raise your head to face him. “Really?” 

“Really,” he responds, wiping away your matted hair and sweetly kissing your forehead. 

You don’t say anything, just bury your face in him again and he accepts willingly. After a while of standing there, rocking you gently from side to side, he asks, “wanna go to bed? Here? Just to sleep if that’s what you want.” 

You wipe your eyes and give him a really good look. All the events leading up to this moment replay themselves in your head. And there’s definitely a better man for you out there, one who won’t hurt you and one who is more mature. 

But Atsumu makes you feel safe and challenged. He accepts your prickly attitude and moody demeanor, likes it even. He pushes you out of your comfort zone but makes it easy to be yourself at the same time. His kisses make you feel like you’re floating and you’ve never once craved someone else’s touch the way you do his. 

“Can I ask you for one thing?”

“Anything,” he says seriously. 

You step out of your embrace and put a couple of feet between you two. You give his cheek 2 light pats to gage the distance between you. Then, before he can ask any questions, you pull your fist back and smash it as hard as you can into his left cheek, the same cheek that you pressed a kiss into before. 

Atsumu stumbles back a couple of steps, cradling his cheek and you get a really look at him, blond hair, red cheek and everything. You shake out your fist and once you assess that all your fingers are fine, you follow after him and rest a cool palm on his reddened cheek. "Asshole," you whisper.

He laughs quietly. "I'm sorry," he says earnestly.

Nodding in acceptance, you wrap your arms around his neck and jump. He catches your thighs that cage his hips like he knew you’d do this before you even knew. With a kiss to your chin, he walks the two of you to his bedroom and falls into bed. It’s comfortable, even when you hear him whisper an “I love you” to lock you into his grasp.

Maybe this isn’t the best decision you’ll ever make in your life, but how can the decision be difficult when the alternative is so much sweeter?

[tuiccim]

Though I Have Never Read It (Part 6)

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Female!Reader

Word Count: 2434

Warnings: Angst, Eva being adorable.

A/N: Special thanks to my hype princess & beta reader @whisperlullaby.

Though I Have Never Read It Masterlist

When you had dropped off Eva at school, you were reminded that today was a half day for her. You decided to get your favorite drink and go shopping rather than returning to the compound just to turn back around a short time later. As you were browsing, you came across the most adorable bathing suit for Eva. It would make her feel like a mermaid and you decided that some time in the pool would be a great way to spend the afternoon. It would tire Eva out enough that she would sleep well for Mark when you dropped her off to him that evening. He was sure to be worn out from his trip. His job was a good one but demanding at times. 

Your thoughts are interrupted by your phone ringing. Looking down, Mark’s name appears on the screen. You answer with a smile, “Hey. Were your ears burning? I was just thinking about you.”

“Hey. Really? What were you thinking?” Mark asks.

“I was going to take Eva swimming this afternoon. She’ll be good and worn out when I bring her home, so she’ll sleep well for you. What time do you think you’ll be home?”

“Around 4:30. Does that work? Are you sure you don’t want me to pick her up?”

“No, I don’t mind. I’ll pick up some dinner on the way to you and you can tell us about your trip. We’ll be there around 5:30 to give you some time to settle down,” you reassure him.

“You’re the best,” Mark says quietly. 

Hearing something in his voice, you’re compelled to ask, “Is everything okay?” 

“You know that woman I told you about? That I was thinking of introducing Eva to?”

“Yeah.”

“She broke things off. When I brought it up, she seemed put off but I chalked it up to nerves but she called last night and ended it. Said she didn’t want to be a stepmom,” Mark says dejectedly. 

“She couldn’t figure that out before she started dating you?” You ask, annoyed at the woman.

“She said she didn’t think we were that serious. I guess I misread things,” he lets out a deep sigh, “I’m so out of practice.”

“Or she led you on. Either way, I’m sorry, Mark. I know it was hard to step out like that again,” you say kindly. 

“Thanks. Anyway, how about you? Getting any practice in?” Mark’s usual jovial voice comes across the line as he tries to shake off the emotions.

You laugh, “No. I’ve got too much going on right now to go out looking. Someone will have to fall in my lap.”

“Or sweep you off your feet,” Mark chuckles. 

“Right. Anyway, I’ll see you tonight. Safe travels.”

“Thanks. Later,” Mark signs off. 

You feel bad for Mark but a part of you is also a little relieved. Another woman in Eva’s life wasn’t an easy thing to swallow and part of you had hoped his relationship wouldn’t work out. It wasn’t fair or right but sometimes emotions are irrational. You knew you couldn’t expect Mark to stay single forever but you hoped whoever came around in the future could be a friend who would respect your relationship with Mark and Eva. 

Shaking yourself out of the depressing thoughts, you check the time and finish making your purchases. It was time to pick up Eva and, for some reason, you couldn’t wait to see her.

–

“I don’t know what to do,” Bucky looks between Sam and Steve. 

“That’s a lot. I wonder why she never said anything,” Steve looks to Sam as if he has the answer.

“Do you think Tony knows?” Sam questions. 

“She’s closest to him but I don’t know. She keeps things pretty close to the vest,” Steve says. 

“There’s more,” Bucky says weakly. He had told them about that night at the cabin but he hadn’t told them about the next morning. Haltingly, he mumbles out the rest, eyes red rimmed and unable to look either of them in the face. 

“You remembered that or that was a nightmare?” Steve asks to clarify.

“Both. It was so real, it had to happen,” Bucky glances up but his gaze falls back to the floor. 

“Buck…” Steve shakes his head and looks at Sam for help. 

“You can’t trust the nightmares, man. You remembered the night when you heard her voice but you remembered the next morning during a bad dream? You can’t trust that. It might have happened that way but it might have been different than you remember. Or it didn’t happen at all,” Sam reassures.

“That’s true. It could all be jumbled with other memories. Are you even sure that it was her at the cabin? I mean, maybe your mind is trying to fill in details it can't remember and using her because you like her,” Steve conjectures. 

“You… you know about that?” Bucky asks.

“I guessed,” Steve shrugs.

“Man, everybody guessed. You practically stare a hole through her. You have that staring problem, remember?” Sam tries to lighten the mood. 

“She’ll never want to come near me now,” Bucky says. 

“Only one way to know, man. You gotta talk to her,” Sam says matter-of-factly. 

“I can’t,” Bucky blanches. 

“Sam’s right, Buck. That’s the only way you’re going to know for sure. She’s a good person. She’ll tell you the truth,” Steve encourages.

“She has Eva right now. She won’t want to talk about this with her around,” Bucky demures.

“Buck, it doesn’t have to be right now, but you need this. You need to know for sure what happened,” Steve says firmly. 

“Uhhhh, I hate to be that guy but…” Sam looks at the two. 

“What?” Bucky huffs.

“This happened seven years ago?” Sam confirms.

“Yeah.”

“And Eva is six…” Sam trails off with a look at Steve and Bucky, waiting for them to fill in the blanks. 

Bucky’s face turns white as he stares at Sam and then turns to look into Steve’s shocked face. Regaining his voice, he stutters, “Eva… she… no, she can’t. She can’t be mine. Right?”

“I don’t know,” Steve says, swallowing hard as his mind runs through the possibilities. 

“Do you think that’s why she didn’t want to tell me? Do… Do you think she lied to Mark about Eva? No, she wouldn’t… No, there were other options. That would be crazy,” Bucky mumbles to himself, lost in thought. 

“Crazier things have happened, man. I mean, who ever thought we’d be fighting against aliens, androids, and wizards,” Sam tries to pull them out of their stupors with a bit of humor. 

“One way to know for sure,” Steve says, giving Bucky the look. 

“Damnit,” Bucky growls.

–

“Jump to me, Eva Diva!” You hold your arms out to her from the shallow end of the compound’s pool. 

“You’ll catch me?” Eva asks. 

“Of course! Come on. You can do it!” You encourage her. 

Eva contemplates for a second but then that glimmer comes to her eye and you know she’s ready. Taking off running, she flies through the air and into your arms with a large splash. Laughing together, you spin her around in the water. She was a good swimmer at only 6 but she still had some apprehension about jumping in at times. 

“You did great. Wanna try again?” You ask. 

“Yeah!” Eva swims to the edge and you help her up to the side. Her bravery grew with each jump and you had retired to sit on the pool stairs while you watched her play. You turned your head to the sound of the door sliding open to see Bucky coming through with a strange look on his face. You felt your stomach knot. 

“Hi Mr. Bucky,” Eva calls. 

“Hi Eva,” Bucky smiles at her, staring for a few seconds with head tilted as if studying her. 

“Do you sink because of your arm?” Eva asks.

“Eva! That’s not a nice thing to ask!” You admonish gently. 

Bucky chuckles lightly, “It’s okay. I can swim with my metal arm but if you get crazy and knock me out, yeah, I’d sink.”

You bite your lip to keep in your laugh but can’t help smiling. 

He crouches down near Eva on the side of the pool, “But you wouldn’t get crazy around the pool, right? We gotta be safe.”

“Right! Watch me jump in! I can do it all by myself,” Eva hefts herself over the side of the pool and does a cannonball that splashes over the side. Your laugh escapes you at Bucky’s surprised face as he shakes off the water. 

“Nice jump, kid,” Bucky stands and makes his way over to you, “Can we talk?”

“Sure,” you exit the pool and grab a towel while keeping one eye on Eva. 

Bucky tried not to stare at you as you emerged from the water. He had never seen you in a bathing suit and didn’t want to seem like a creep. Especially, knowing what he’d done to you. You turn to him with an expectant look but apprehension curls in your belly. 

“I… Did… I-” Bucky falters. 

“You remember,” you say quietly. 

Bucky stares at you for a moment, an unreadable expression on his face, “So, it did happen?”

You nod, slightly embarrassed, “Yes. Look, I promise we can talk about it and I’ll answer any of your questions but tonight after Eva is gone, okay? This isn’t a 5 minute by the pool discussion.”

“Yeah. Yeah, I get that,” Bucky starts to turn away but his eye catches Eva. “But there is one thing I have to know now.”

“What’s that?” You look at him clearly confused. 

“Eva…” Bucky looks at you expectantly. 

“Eva? What- oh my God,” you gape at him as realization hits you. “She’s not yours. Oh my God, she’s not mine!”

“What?” Bucky exclaims. His head swivels between you and the little girl. 

“She’s not mine. She’s not my child. She’s my best friend’s daughter. Oh my God! You thought… I’m not her mother,” you take a few deep breaths to calm yourself, realizing you are babbling. 

“You’re not?” Bucky asks. 

“No, I-” you scoff in frustration, “It’s a long story. I love Eva as if she’s my own. I’m her godmother and, to help Mark out, I take her every other weekend or so.”

“Your best friend?” Bucky asks. 

You shake your head and look over at Eva, “Brain aneurysm. Eva was four days old.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“Thanks. Look, I’m taking Eva home and having dinner with Mark tonight. I should be back around 8. I’ll come find you,” you reassure him. 

“I’ll be in my room. I mean, you can find me there. Not that we have to talk there. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable,” Bucky trips over his words. 

You look at him askew, “Um, no, that’s fine.”

“Watch me!” Eva’s squeals as she leaps off the side of the pool and does a twist in the air. 

“That was great! Show me again,” you grin at her. Before heading back to the pool, you look back at Bucky, “I’ll see you later tonight.”

“Yeah. Tonight,” Bucky leaves, forcing himself not to look back. 

–

You might have tired Eva out a little too much. She was droopy eyed as you drove to her dad’s apartment but you kept her talking so she’d stay awake. She was already washed up and in PJs. All she needed was some dinner and to brush her teeth to be ready for bed. Plus, she’d get her second wind as soon as she saw Mark. 

“Hey, hey!” You call out as you let yourself into the apartment. 

“Hey! There’s my girl!” Mark grins as Eva runs into his arms. He lifts her for a big hug and holds her as he leans to kiss your cheek. “How is it going?”

“It’s good. Eva and I went swimming and then we picked up your favorite for dinner,” you smile.

“Thai! You guys are too good to me,” Mark enthuses. 

“We wanted to make you happy, Daddy!” Eva hugs his neck again. 

“You’d make me happy even if you brought me dog food,” Mark jokes. 

“Ewww!” Eva giggles as Mark sets her at the table. 

“You really are the best,” he affirms as he gives you a quick side hug before sitting. 

“Well, it’s my favorite, too. So, win-win,” you laugh as you set drinks at the table. 

“You didn’t happen to get-”

“An order of fried wontons and steamed dumplings, no. I would never… forget those,” you mug a face at him as you set them on the table. 

“You shouldn’t make faces like that, it might freeze in place,” Mark winks at Eva as he teases you. 

“No, it won’t, Daddy! That’s silly,” Eva giggles. 

Dinner goes by quickly with Mark carrying most of the conversation with funny stories about his trip. Somewhere between the last dumpling and the sticky rice dessert, Eva’s fatigue starts to show. She starts whining and, eventually, Mark carried her to the bathroom to brush her teeth before he laid her in bed. He didn’t make it to the end of the story before she was out cold. You smiled as you watched them from the door. He bent down to kiss her forehead before heading out and softly closing the door. 

“Thanks for keeping her,” he says softly. 

“Anytime. I love having her,” you reply. 

“Can you stay for a little while?” He asks. 

“I can’t. I’m sorry.”

“Hot date?” Mark cracks.

“I wish. Awkward conversation I have to have,” you explain. 

“What about?” 

“The past,” you give him a look. He knew about most of your past. Although, you hadn’t mentioned Bucky to him or anyone. You weren’t sure why, but it had been something you kept for yourself. 

“Ugh,” Mark groans, “Good luck.”

“Thanks. I’ll talk to you soon.”

“Can I call you tomorrow?” Mark asks.

“Of course. You know you can always call me. Is everything okay?” You search his face. 

“Yeah, everything’s fine,” Mark smiles softly. 

“Okay. Night, Mark.”

“Good night.”

Making your way to your car, you wonder what that was about. Mark wasn’t usually enigmatic but tonight he seemed off. Different somehow. Or maybe he was just tired and you were reading things into it. Either way, you need  to save your energy. It was time to have that talk, time for James and Bucky to be reconciled, and time for you to finally have some closure about the night that changed you more than you wanted to admit. 

Part Seven

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[morlock-holmes]

The people you’re arguing with re: pre-modern quality of life, are all broadly rationalist-adjacent, and are therefore deeply committed to arch-Whig-History and will never concede that anything was better for anyone ever before this exact moment in time.

for what it’s worth, I get your point - comparative social status is really great, and people who had a lot of it might’ve been very unwilling to give it up in order to certain material benefits of industrial society.

For a total no-brainer post-industrial example - anyone who’d trade being a trust fund playboy in the early 20th century for being a lower income wage worker today is a fool. There is no way you could legitimately argue that the internet is better than a life of relative leisure, high status, and wealth.

the further back you go, the trickier the argument gets, due to things like antibiotics, motorized transport, etc all being pretty handy, but I absolutely would go to bat that the median Regency English gentry or noble had a better quality of life than the median lower income American, in many respects.

go back to the Iron Age, gets a little trickier, but idk, I might still say that a high status Viking leader had a better life than I do, but it’s a smaller chunk of society the further back you go. Wealthy Romans seemed to be having a pretty decent time, tbh

I do think I’m more sensitive to relative status than some people. That said, I also think a lot of the Whig History fans I’ve known were part of the current socioeconomic top 10% and just didn’t realize how much it sucks to not have that status. Especially looking at a guy like John Green going in on it, like yeah John, of course you don’t rate being nationally known and respected for making a living pursuing your life’s passion, you’re doing that now

Well, I have another side to things, though you get most of it.

I mean, I don't want to overestimate wealth here. Part of my point is *also* that, assuming what we read of Diogenes is true, he was probably more fulfilled as a human being than Elon Musk, and Elon Musk is the world's richest man in the safest and most technologically advanced time in human history while Diogenes lived in a god damn jug.

Like, people who idealize or become nostalgic about the past are very, very often asking,

"Why do I feel so [angry/tired/hopeless/trapped] despite the fact that I have easy access to [insert material comfort here]"

And the response is very often to say, "Because you are fundamentally irrational. [Insert material comfort here] is actually the most important advancement in all of human history."

Like, in that conversation one person says,

"You live better than anybody in pre-industrial times."

And when I say, "Well, I don't know, Leonard Da Vinci and Gengis Khan seemed like they did okay"

A second person comes along to say,

"Well, those are inherently scarce positional goods, you can't expect social advances to make those more prevalent, what modernity actually gives us is travel, a library, a well-stocked sewing room, a hundred paintings you painted yourself"

And when I say, "Yeah I don't have that stuff either" a third person says,

"Yeah, obviously you can't expect to get that stuff, modernity gives you flush toilets, iPads and childhood vaccines."

And first of all yeah, I know, I said that, and second:

*Boy* have these rose-y eyed optimists spent a *lot* of time telling me what sorts of human pleasures I really ought to stop expecting to have more of.

I mean "wasn't stillborn" is quite literally the *absolute bare minimum* that a person can expect out of life.

Remember how in the 50s some kid would hate peas, and his parents would force him to eat them and if he complained they'd say, "You ought to be grateful for those peas, there are starving children in Africa"?

Turns out that "You'd better learn to be thankful for this because it's all you're gonna get and you could have it a lot worse" isn't actually optimistic or empowering.

And that sentiment lurks just below the surface of a lot of these odes to modernity.

PS - If you asked that pea hating child whether he would want to trade places with that starving African child he might well say, "Well, at least *he* isn't being forced to eat these awful peas!" and I think there is some justice to that response even if it doesn't represent a literal desire to experience a famine.