#but I do wanna ask that you keep
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Legitimate question here: do you have DID? Like, there’s some descrepancies and refs to it in that discourse post, but, like, just want to know what you actually know about the disorder-
gonna repost my tags on the og post here:
...and say that while I am very uncomfortable with discussing the specifics of my trauma-based disorders on my five nights at freddy's sideblog, I do have a dissociative disorder. if you read through the reblog chain, you'll see that I already explained that most of the omissions in the og post were deliberate; I didn't want to take focus away from the point of the post (subconscious ableism), nor did I want to confuse people by overcomplicating the whole thing with specifics. I'm in therapy for it, I read studies on it in my spare time, I speak with members of the community often (and have many as close friends), and the only thing stopping me from reading books on it is the nightmare that is capitalism. I think I know a fair bit about the subject.
#speaking!#asks#anon#discourse#I'm not mad at you btw#but I do wanna ask that you keep#what causes dissociative disorders in mind#when asking questions like this#not just bc it's polite#but bc you might accidentally trigger someone#and i know you don't mean to cause something like that#so uh there's your psa. terrible idea don't do that#bs saga
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half of these tiktok relationship/break up/whatever pranks would not work on most of the jjk boys, but nanami is esp funny because he just becomes immune to it. you tell him you two should break up and he just sighs and nods, continues making dinner even as you flutter around him and try to start a fake argument. “kento, hello? i’m saying we’re finished!” and he just hums, and chops the vegetables, “that’s nice, dear. did you want red or yellow peppers this time?”
#he is not listening to a damn thing youre saying LMFAO#this also applies to levi ackerman bc 9/10 things i say about nanami also apply to levi they are lost cousins#honestly most of them do not care LMFAO. they all normally lose the idgaf wars terribly but in these instances they are gold medallists#the grandest reaction you could pull is out of megumi but even then#you say you want to break up and he’s like “i didn’t ask you tho? so moving on.”#you keep pestering megumi and eventually he is going to sigh and grab u by the scruff and drag u to eat or something#like that's the end all be all solution to everything i HATE HIM!#not even yuuji bc u mention anything like that and yuuji is like um... no! hope that helps! xoxo#yuuji is dense but it's also willfully ignorant LMFAO. u could even say u wanna hang out w somebody else instead of him today#and hes like yeah... no! i'm outside ur house 😁😁 where u go i go 😁😁#nanami x reader#💌
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While I do think anon was rude, I do think it's pretty shitty to set up all this stuff you were going to add the au and then just drop it. It's disappointing. Definitely unfollowing.
Bye.
#ask me#anon#once AGAIN.#I am not dropping anything#the au is not getting cancelled. more than likely i'm gonna take a break from it until i find motivation again#But I've been drawing the AU for half a fucking year#In that time I've only drawn 5 things that aren't mlp related#I'm getting tired and my last few posts didn't do as well as I'd hoped#And I'm not about to burn myself out on mlp au art even if I really do love making it#I'm still gonna make comics. I have a bunch of ideas.#Tulli and I still wanna do the limited run merch shop#Discord is still coming. Sunset is still coming. Sombra is still coming. I have so many ideas#But I need to do something else for my own sake. Did you know I was supposed to get the background 6 designs done by now#But I didn't because I'm TIRED#I've been keeping myself on a schedule to keep content pumping despite travel and school and family and I'm tired#what i'm getting isn't matching what i'm giving and that's nobody's fault. i'm not frustrated at anyone. a slump was bound to happen#drawing the au was fun until it become my Thing. Because when your Thing––your identity––starts to faulter#it can really make you freak out#And that's not healthy for the project or for myself. I need to find the fun again and I'm sure I will#I'm really appreciative of everyone's support in my inbox and replies it really does mean a lot especially given that about 2/3 of my#followers followed for mlp. But if you're gonna react to me saying “i'm gonna cool down on mlp art and draw my own stuff” with “i'm#disappointed in you." then Leave! I think it's good you're unfollowing#you are not obligated to stick by my side! But don't act like I'm doing you a disservice by turning my attention elsewhere#I didn't promise anyone anything and I definitely didn't say I'm breaking any promises.
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It's fucked up that pets are dependents and you need extra money to feed them and shit and you have to consider that before you get one. In my opinion when you put a collar around a girl's neck and watch the personhood drain from her eyes she should become immortal somehow also.
#also if she's immortal you can do all the stuff she keeps asking you to do that freaks you out for don't wanna kill you reasons#multiple gfs have asked me to choke them and I just can't dawg#too fwightened#but an immortal pupgirl? Sure tell me how tight you want it#If you pass out from being not killed we know it was too tight
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I put them next to each other casually without much thought, but I've had to redraw them in this set up so many different times in the development of this project that I kinda ship them now??? like why are they always lookin at each other like that
#my art#vampire debutante#they dont even have names#but its funny in the very vague concept of these twos characters yellow is like the hunk that all their peers are kind of obsessed with#tiara and niamh even fight over him sometimes(for status reasons not cuz theyre into him)#but i was imagining red as like a bit dorky but sweet#girls arent into him really but they dont turn him down when he asks to dance or tries to make polite conversation#in an earlier draft i was gonna have a bit where Niamh and Tiara are both vying for red's attention and Niamh wins so they dance#Tiara's only other option then is red who isnt as hunky as yellow (L for her) as she needs a dancing partner to show up niamh with#but i didnt wanna animate the stupid little dance battle so i didnt do that#now the boys are just hanging#but the fact that i keep drawing yellow making eyes at red is so funny like thats just supposed to be his default expression but#do you think hes really into red and half of his showboating is just to try and get this dweebs attention but literally nothing works#meanwhile red's just sorta accepted his role as the dweeb that no one's into#oh my god
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mtt therapy moment except dust keeps taking breaks to talk to phantom papyrus and horror just wants this to hurry up so it can get to his turn because he couldn't give two shits about dust and killer's trauma and killer physically cannot discuss his issues and just starts zoning out while crying for some reason during it
and i'm the therapist listening to all of this writing down notes fervently because ITS CANON MATERIAL CANON I NEED TO GET THE CANON MATERIAL
#i have to break apart like 34 potential fights with my otherdimensional godly creator powers#i would be an ass therapist i will not lie. infact i would make them worse with my knowledge of their lives. never put me in a room w them#OH MY GOD I JUST REVISTED THIS IDEA AFTER LEAVING IT TO COLLECT DUST (hehehe) IN MY DRAFYS FOR A MONTH#ANS TJIS IS SO FUCKING FUNNY HELP 😭😭😭😭😭 HELP😭😭😭😭😭😭#still real tho highkey i havent changed 1 bit. ITS CANON OMG WRITE THSY DOWN WHAY WERE THE EXACT REACTIONS#ive got these guys wearing microphones i got cameras in the room i got advanced psychologists watching to explain every detail#is it a therapy session or just a badly disguised interview#nooo nooo its therapy......DONT LEAVS!!!! (activates the chains (that coincidentally all are connected to eachother) (heheheheh))#now youCANT leave😈😈😈😈😈 not until im done asking my questions ASSHOLES. dont question the handcuffs that keep you guys together please#actually id probably get like nothing out of them because theyre all repressed and defensive and whatever. BUT im simply more determined so#tricule rant#killer sans#horror sans#dust sans#murder time trio#utmv#sans au#fandom event if the mtt ever became real. we're all lining up to the facility to ask one question#world's hardest challenge: if you could ask the murder time trio one thing what would it be#FUCK idk...... id simply hav too many questions!!!! UGH!!!!!!!!!#triglycercule do your homework SHUT UO RESPONSIBLE VOICE IN MY HEAD!!!! I WONT!!!!! NOT UNTIL THIS IS DONE#fall headcanons for the trio when. i'll think of them once i'm done with homework#see a reward system! now i have a thought that i dont wanna say in tags this will be going to the side blog#anyways! i think that's enough drafts undrafted and posted i REALLY need to do my homework#i dont even have that much it's literally 2 assignments but i know damn well doing 1 of them is gonna bring me to dream and nightmare's age#sigh......... i hate school bring me back to summer break i wasSO productive. SMH
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Turns out Sunlit Trail isn't quite done just yet, so after all that they just send you to a dead end 😂
#rain world#comic#rw chasing wind#sunlit Trail#Hunter#Art#Chasing wind spoilers#I can't imagine anyone filters that tag but just in case sksksks#ANYWAYS turns out mod is way better than I expected and it's super well made.#So far made the trip as hunter (first time) then riv and now working on arti.#For arti I realized that howling rifts led to sub and sub led to dar shore so I was like sweet! A shortcut!#Now imagine for a sec trying to get through a parkcore + miros bird gauntlet with a corpse and a worm within 5 cycles#before the scav ran out of karma and you were stuck inside forever. Yeah#Besides that tho I've been messing around and been very tenderly modding the game.#Turns out you can have a bit of fun with most sprites without too much effort by simply cloning the MSC mod in your files#Then changing the copy's mod info so it doesn't clash and simply swapping images out for whatever you want#As long as you have the sprite name you can do this. You can also change region names and decals and music all sorts of stuff.#In short I've been brewing a custom mod for a friend to make her suffer as much as possible <3#Thanks to a buddy on the rw server for showing me that trick btw lol. The best cesspool I've ever participated in#Oh before I forget- the symbol on CW's head is completely made up. They just looked so... Bald.#Tbh I wasn't expecting their personality to be so... bright? Most interpretations make them kinda solemn and gloomy#But nah this CW is what NSH should've been 100%. I like them. Not gonna spoil too much but their situation is somehow so... chill.#Still bad tho!#Other fun news! There's a scammer going around on discord that's basically like ''bad news I reported you for fraud''#And they're getting a lot of people. My buddy that owned my home server got hit and we lost everything. It's all OK tho nobody was hurt#I keep trying to ask them questions on my alts but they're ignoring me... I kinda wanna bait them into doing the scam with me#to see how far I get before they catch on 😜#Wasting a scammer's time is never a waste of time#Ah I had more to say but I reached my tag max. Till next time- hopefully my animation project will be done by then!
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at first getting diagnosed with cptsd was like, "yay my trauma has been validated (it always was valid)!" and i really thought that was going to be it, but then i started to do research as i do whenever i realize i have something and learned that!! the way i experience socialization is!! quite horrid actually!!
#i have had this stupid fucking rule for myself for years since i was little#''dont speak unless you're spoken to or else something bad will happen. nobody wants to hear what you have to say unless they ask''#I TELL MYSELF THAT ALL THE TIME????#AND I DIDNT REALIZE IT WASNT NORMAL#thats not something that healthy people think to themselves whenever they want to talk to people. they just talk to them#they dont tell themselves not to speak to people for fear of what may happen to them jesus christ spacie#i get so scared when i message anybody ANYTHING#bc everything and anything i wanna talk about feels so stupid why would anyone give a shit#staring at a funny joke i want to send someone for 30 fucking minutes before deleting it b/c my brain is like ''errmm who cares?''#''also they're going to yell at you for wasting their time!!!''#i sent my friend a meme once and had a panic attack (or maybe a flashback?? im still trying to figure out what they are) immediately after#this shit sucks dude. it sucks#at least im processing what happened to me. thats why it hurts so bad rn its been stockpiled for like.#2 decades#im not looking for any sympathy here im just putting it out there#so that anybody who feels the same way i do know they're not alone#ive been struggling everyday for like 2 months now (actually DEFINITELY longer)#it will get better. things just need to be taken one step at a time#i have gotten thru my worst days i have a 100% success rate#how many days have i been alive#7930#lightwork#lets keep it goin#vent#trauma tw#trauma mention#wrote this post thru a flashback btw!! dealing with them is getting easier#before i would be unable to function for days at a time!!!#with one of the most recent ones i had i was so in the thick of it i avoided everyone i knew for a week cuz i was convinced#i was an evil unlovable freak that only wanted to hurt people
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rate the outfit
#rgg#ryu ga gotoku#ryu ga gotoku 2#yakuza series#yakuza kiwami 2#yakuza 2#daigo dojima#snap sketches#see i did it i told you i'd do it#pov: you are at hot topic and trying to find something (he does not work there don't ask him)#segway section into something toally unrelated to people who do not frequent my blog :)#everyone else go away. unless you wanna keep reading 😳#i watched Not Quite Dead Yet while i was finishing a comm and WHAT a movie#it made me want to call my dad so you know it was good 😭#IT WAS CUTE THO FR i really loved how all th details of the movie tied in in the later sections#like the password being nanase's name but through the period table's numbers... stop that was cute#feels weird to say that as a highlight but i genuinely thought it was cute 😔#im not gonna lie tho when nanase was lookin through her dad's phone brother was emo#i think a lot about what would happen when people i love die and i always think of doing that.. like still texting them.. and whatever..#lemme move on from the somber moment thojVAERLKVA PLEASE when her dad was in the afterlife tho#HER MOM WAS SO CUTE both like. physically and just personality wise#we saw her for ten minutes and i have also fallen in love with her idc#they had to game end her cause they knew if we got to see any more scenes with her and kei i'd start crying i KNOW they'd be cute together#together more than what we got to see anyway... we know what i mean...#THE ENDING SHOT WAS ESP SO CUTE STOPPPP kinda creepy with her just. In Limbo but then she just. DEATH !! 👆#nanase's song to her dad at the funeral had me :(( too im so weak for dads and their kids reconciling/having a nice relationship stop#big L for her not signing up for a record label tho idc like OK its sweet she's working with her dad BUT CMONNNNN#you can do both queen.... i would prefer you do it alone cause Kid Falls In Line always makes me want to chew glass#BUT i will excuse it this time.. i repeat for The End Shot that was cute and the rest of the movie was lovely so ill let it slide#final note before i use up all my tags again i loved her concert outfit 😔give me them bracelets girl i cant find any
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some more telesphore :3
#the kingmaker histories#telesphore winterlich#my art#tel-only doodle dump partially cuz i love him dearly and he's fun to draw and i needed the practice drawing his handsome face ^^#and partially cuz depending on how you count it he's got like 5-7 fewer fanarts (on tumblr) than eisen/colette...#which is so so criminal eviltwisted and makes me so sad. so i took matters into my own hands :3#(though it'd be a fool's errand trying to keep the numbers even permanently LMAO. i also just wanted to draw a bunch of telsies)#(so i might probly fuck up the ratios later by doing this for eisen+colette lol...#i wanna get more consistent/comfortable drawing them all)#with this i have now posted (way) more telsie fanart than every other fanartist combined (excluding meg tuten's art ofc). yippee yippee#(it's not a competition) (but i am still keeping count) (i'm freak)#(but 'm not counting meg's cuz there's so much and i couldn't possibly find it all. plus i can't imagine how much is unposted)#(i just know there's Oodles and i love it all and that is enough for mee)#honestly this should've been hat practice as well but. i do not like drawing hats.#and i struggle with drawing the top of his head anyway so it's still useful practice lmao#if you asked me for my favorite character the answer would simultaneously be:#“i love all three of the protags so much!!! i couldn't possibly pick </3"#and “telesphore <3”#the margin? SO slim. i'm so very obsessed w/ all three of them#unimaginable fondness in my heart
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in lieu of having posted any writing/headcanons/asks in the past few days because i have been *so* busy and unable to do anything fandom-related which is terrible and evil, i have a poll out of morbid curiosity and self-indulgence. i've been meaning to ramble here about how i feel about DC's lack fo Deaf representation and which Batfam members i would personally make Deaf, but i am mildly curious about the larger opinion and now i will subject you all to the question, i would love to hear thoughts/opinions/headcanons on any specific choices. (would love d/Deaf/HoH opinions esp but i'm mostly expecting this to reach the hearing crowd, so opinions from hearing ppl are ones i'm very curious about. if you've never given it thought before you are going to now or else /lh)
#necrotic nuisance#<- new tag for nonserious shit like this#batfamily#batclan#deafculture#i think not including bruce in this poll bc i ran out of options is *so* fucking funny so i'm keeping it#bc realistically i could bump off more tertiary characters like harper or jpv to include him#but i won't.#hearing people are seriously invited to reblog and share opinions or headcanons i'm so genuine#just like. behave about it.#i have personal headcanons but i will save sharing them until the poll is finished#as not to skew results#i also have a hunch on who will lead. based on popular headcanons i see#but i will also not share that as to not skew it#i'm using the Deaf identity as an umbrella term that can include Hard of Hearing as well btw#so if your headcanon is more HoH leaning it is counted#i do believe this is something most fans haven't rlly thought about#but i *really* want to write fics with Deaf rep and i have been waffling on who to make Deaf#so. this poll is also a field test of who you would like to see me (a Deaf bitch) write as Deaf.#and i totally pinky promise not to project super duper hard on them. (i'm so lying)#i will get back to writing and the ask games i promse!#tomorrow i have the day off after 4 bc someone else is watching the baby so ic can just chill#also *please please* if you have disabled headcanons for any batfam (or DC in general) character#send them to me. i want to see them. i would love to talk about them with you.#as an anon ask as a message as a reblog idc#gimme.#this isn't my usual content but shhh lemme be self indulgent.#both bc i'm curious and bc i wanna write Deaf shit so. we take a break from my usual nonsense for this.#i'll post writing tomorrow to make up for it#also i have to remind myself this is my blog i can do what i want with and not just be a content machine. yk
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Just realised I never shared this omg
Meet the redesigned (and present-day) Jono! I realised I'd originally subconsciously coded him as Aboriginal in some little chunks of experimental writing I made of him and Memphis, and I wanted to make him explicitly so because a) NO SIMPSONS ABORIGINAL AUSTRALIAN CHARACTERS? NOT ONE? b) I thought him having ties to the Stolen Generation (on his mother's side) brought valuable depth to his character (and the Stolen Generation is also something I've wanted to explore a bit in my work) and c) I was already subconsciously writing him as Aboriginal and there's literally only one rough artwork of him made before all the development I gave him, so why go against my instincts for his character?
For context, this is only other appearance in a visual work, back when he was just a two-dimensional placeholder, haha.
#PLEASE ask my questions about him I have lore to DUMP#do you guys wanna see more of him? I'm not sure if yall like my ocs or nah#also yes he and memphis end up back together and yes it is adorable#not in the good ones though sorry love we need to keep memphis nice and angsty there#the simpsons#artists on tumblr#my art#art#the simpsons fanart#fiction#old men#my oc#johnathon west#memphis yamamoto#my original character#original character#character design#character art#gay#queer artist#aboriginal#aboriginal australian#character concept#the simpsons oc#simpsons fanart#digital art#small artist
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A Blorbo You Treat Nicely, Right?
#non mdzs#ask#I've seen what people do to tumblr blorbos. I cant go back in the horse plinko again...please my bones aren't strong enough#I'm made of a gelatin like substance. Very Flammable. Terrible for plinko. Ill just bounce around and wail miserably.#You cannot fool my by putting 'horse' on the box. Yeah It made me curious and wander over here. Yeah I wanna see the horses.#Oh they're in the plinko? Oh well then-#jokes aside I am very touched to have reached silly blorbo status. I hope to keep bringing you joy!#I am simply just having fun and I'm glad people enjoy my little jester dances!#Yeah one of these asks is from June...I'm slowly eating away at the backlog....I promise....#theres so many sweet and funny asks I want to properly draw for...I promise I read them all and go -> B*)
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Mars i fear i may be dying of the plague. I have coughed blood into my sink twice now and my throat feels like I gave really aggressive oral to a scrubdaddy spongue.
Do you have any priest au thoughts/scenarios/rambles to sooth a troublde lad such as mysrlf🙏🙏
hemo. as a guy who has also coughed up blood somewhat recently. it may be time to go to an urgent care and make sure it’s nothing serious. there’s a pretty nasty pneumonia going around rn and if that IS what it is the sooner you get those antibiotics the faster you’ll recover.
as for priest au stuffs: the election kinda killed my creative flow (we’re ballin but we’re stressed) BUT i’ve been trying to flesh out hajime’s backstory a bit for the the past few days so here’s some bullet point brainstorming on that :D
check under the cut for the goods, as per usual ^_^ tw for mentions of child abuse, and also a general warning for priest au-typical horny talk and homophobia
i’ve been thinking abt hajime’s childhood/past a lot, partially bc i don’t feel fully confident writing him until i have the details of his backstory fleshed out. i think his dad was more of the aggressive “no son of mine” type of homophobic, where his mom was more of the “hate the sin love the sinner” type of homophobic. it’s cliché maybe but like. traditional catholic family values yanno. his family does differ from traditional catholicism in one way though: hajime is an only child.
i don’t think hajime was ever The Manliest Man growing up. yeah he was strong from helping on the farm, but he never felt the need to flaunt his masculine attributes. he never wanted to impress girls, he never initiated an arm-wrestling contest, and once he hit teenagerhood he quit wrestling with his friends altogether. when his friends asked him why he never roughhouses with them anymore, he tensed up and mumbled something about it being “weird” and “immature.”
he showed a lot of delicacy towards nature as well, a trait he carries into adulthood! rescuing turtles from roads, gently rehoming bugs, taking care not to step on wildflowers, that sort of thing. he was teased for this growing up :( he’d be compared to a disney princess and the like or just be called a pussy for Caring About The World Around Him. while he still loves nature and knows there’s nothing wrong with that, he does get embarrassed if his gentleness is pointed out— he’s anticipating some sort of reprimand.
been trying to think about hajime’s gay awakening. i imagine once he hit puberty he started having vague… thoughts. they weren’t attached to anyone but he kept it secret anyways since Lust Is A Sin and Masturbation Is A Sin Too and he’s not interested in growing hair on his palms or going blind (he later finds out that those are myths, but for now he heeds the tales), nor is he interested in the scolding he would get from his parents if they found out. from there we have two main options as i see it.
option A: in a parallel of the magazine he finds in Jabberwock, teen!hajime comes across some sort of gay porn. it’s completely accidental— he finds a mag or some other paraphernalia in a log or something, opens it, Realizes what is is, looks around for witnesses, and quickly stuffs it into his jacket. he’s not even sure why, but he knows he’s curious. as soon as he gets home he hides it between his mattress and his bedframe, and that night, when he’s sure his parents are asleep, he grabs a flashlight and starts to look through it. he doesn’t understand why he’s so fascinated until he realizes: he’s breathing heavily, hot in the face, absentmindedly rubbing his thighs together, and, most incriminatingly of all, he’s the hardest he’s ever been in his life. mortified, he shoves the magazine back under his mattress and tries his best to forget about what he saw, tossing and turning as he tries to calm down and go to sleep.
option B: hajime is really close with one of his peers. they’re childhood friends, and they’ve gotten along great forever. at some point, though, hajime starts feeling weird around him. not BAD weird, but… he’s nervous, and his skin seems to buzz whenever they touch, and his heart flutters when he makes his friend laugh, and… he can’t make sense of it all. not until he wakes up one night from a particularly vivid dream, chest heaving, skin covered in a thin sheen of sweat, and his sheets soiled with the evidence of his subconscious sin. he realizes what’s going on, and his heart sinks into his stomach. he does his best to ignore it, but it haunts him.
we could also combine these options and say both of these things happen, but idk yet. i like the loneliness of the porn but i also like the guilt of having to talk to your close friend and pretend you aren’t feeling confusing and frightening things for them.
hajime lives at home until his early adulthood, when he is Caught. if we went with option A for his awakening, then he comes home one day to find The Porn sitting on the kitchen table, its pages now crinkled from years of viewing, and his heart sinks into his stomach. he’s not sure how they found it— maybe his mom was cleaning his room and lifted his mattress? but it doesn’t matter— they Know now, and he has no way to explain himself.
if we go with option B, hajime is caught with that “good friend” of his. he had snuck in via hajime’s bedroom window, at a time they both were sure hajime’s parents would be asleep. unfortunately, hajime’s dad comes up to his room (hajime never learns the original intent of this visit) and opens the door to find his son, hair and clothes a mess, with the neighbor boy straddling his thighs, hands clearly paused in the middle of lifting up his son’s shirt. it’s silent for a bit, and the tension in the air is so heavy hajime feels like he can barely breathe. still, he breaks out of the stupor first, muttering a quiet “you need to go” to his friend without breaking eye contact with his father. the friend gets the message and bolts, leaving via the same window he came from. hajime is now alone with his father, so guilty and scared that he feels nauseous.
regardless of which of these events occurs, the outcome is the same. hajime’s father responds first, yelling and berating. hajime is terrified— he’s seen his dad mad, but never like this. never shouting obscenities and vile words at him. when told to explain himself hajime stumbles over his words, eventually landing on some variant of “i don’t know.” eventually, his father decides words aren’t punishment enough, and hajime gets the shit beat out of him for the first time in his life. he tries to defend himself, but he’s never been much of a fighter, and he doesn’t want to hit his dad, self defense or not. when his father finally storms off, his mother comes near, her eyes brimming with tears. she holds her arms out to hajime, tells her baby to come here. hajime, aching and bruised and perhaps with a freshly broken nose, collapses into his mother’s arms, silently crying into her shoulder as she pets his hair. she holds him close, rocking them from side to side, before she speaks. “oh, hajime, darling,” she starts, voice thick with tears and love, “i’m sorry. we’ve failed you, haven’t we? that’s why you’re doing this to us.” hajime’s stomach curdles at those words, and he quickly excuses himself, washing the blood off his face in the bathroom sink before he locks himself in his room.
regardless of the guilt he carries— he knew he was sinning, after all— hajime knows he is no longer safe at home. his father had never beat him like that before, and he doesn’t know that he would be able to walk away if it happened again. he doesn’t want to leave his mother, but he could tell that she was disgusted by him, too, her words still echoing in his mind. so, hajime packs as many of his things as he can fit into his suitcase, and the next day he leaves town, never letting himself look back. he job hops for a bit before he manages to get his house in Jabberwock— he got really, really lucky with the price of the property.
hajime hasn’t talked to anyone from his hometown since he left, and while he still has his parents’ landline number memorized, he doesn’t dare call. his dad’s probably disowned him, anyhow. sometimes he wonders how the people he grew up with are doing, but he can’t bring himself to go back. it’s not home anymore.
#ask#hemo#priest au#come get your lore dump! this time it’s Sad Mode#do heed that tw though. i get a little intense in this one#sorry hajime i keep putting you through the wringer. in my defense it’s compelling as shit#poor guy…. bruised and bloodied and shaking like a battered shelter dog#i like how a backstory like this sets up hajime’s personality. he was taught to be disgusted by himself#and he knows for a fact that letting word get out about his sin leads only to pain#so of course he’s secretive and self-loathing and all that jazz. of course he’s easy to manipulate#it also makes the church an even greater place of refuge for him#bc for one. father komaeda is going to Save him. he won’t need to be disgusted#and secondly. a church is safe and sacred. father komaeda won’t let anyone hurt him. he’s not in danger there#i also wanna draw some level of parallel between hajime’s father and Father Komaeda. partially bc of the shared title#and partially as a reference to the catholic family power structure and how that applies to other dynamics as well :]#i think it’d be fun if komaeda raises a hand to put on hajime’s shoulder and hajime Flinches. that’s yum#anywho hope this was satisfactory. feel better soon hemo get urself a cough drop
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PROJECT: FREEMAN AU
Okay so I already made a post explaining this au a while back, but it recently got a rewrite so I'm gonna go over it again, in a bit more detail this time, so bear with me
Project: Freeman is an au that takes place in a timeline where the resonance cascade never happened, and Black Mesa is instead focusing not just on teleportation technology and studying Xen, but also finding ways to utilize Xen pools and the micro-organisms inside that are proven to have healing properties. Thus, they spend a lot of their time and funding on experimentation on both Xen animals and human beings, studying how the Xen organisms will heal damaged tissue.
(full explanation below since this might get a little long)
After multiple failed tests, they get a new mysterious sponsor, one promising full funding if they do one more test to prove the technology is worthwhile, and Black Mesa begins work on a new HEV suit to utilize it, fitted specifically for the use of Gordon Freeman, unaware he's even taking part in a test of any kind.
After a while, the suit does it's job, healing any and all wounds inflicted on Freeman due to the Xen Micro-Organisms being introduced into the system whenever he is harmed. One test even results in Gordon's death, and he is still resurrected using the suit.
However after that test, the Sponsor was not satisfied, and ordered for a month-long endurance test on the suit, being used non-stop for an extended period of time with various methods of both harm and death used to see how long the suit can keep Freeman alive. After a few days, the suit began to show signs of wear, healing wounds incorrectly and at a rate that seemed more harmful that helpful, all while Gordon is still unaware of what is causing it all.
After that, the suit malfunctioned, causing itself to fuse to Freeman's body, unable to be removed or have its life support systems shut off, leaving Gordon to mutate and deteriorate without a way to get help.
Despite the fact the test was a clear failure, the Sponsor pressured Black Mesa's Administrator to continue until the full month was over, leaving Gordon a pawn to a continuous and agonizing test, unclear when it will end, all while he begins to suspect the ones "helping him" aren't there to help him at all.
#half life#Half-life#Project: Freeman au#Gordon freeman#Subject: Gordon#body horror#blood tw#face horror#shmorps art#thats the basic plot and i'll leave it there to prevent me rambling#I cannot believe it took me this long to actually get to the main point of this au#I wanted to keep it secret for a bit until I just forgot to follow up on anything#But it getting a rewrite recently made me realize oh yeah I should do that#Anyway yeah! medical horror!#Feel free to ask questions if you want cause there is a lot to this au I'd wanna discuss
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SIGNALIS Big Teef Fic Preview!
Did anybody want a fic with the Big Teef? No? Well, too bad, you're getting one anyway. Have a taste!
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"Hey, when were you going to tell me you have fangs?"
Elster pauses, having just gotten engrossed in a scene of tense questioning. "Excuse me?"
Ariane sits beside her at the table, lays down the Replika overview, leans her elbows on it and rests her chin on folded hands, giving the Replika a look that to any Gestalt would be similar to a parent wanting to know why their kids didn't do what was asked of them – or rather, like she's taken on the role of detective in the midst of questioning. Elster lifts her eyebrows, waiting for an explanation.
Ariane elaborates as if telling an anecdote from her Rotfront years. "I looked through the Replika overview again to see if there was anything I could pick up to help you out, or do something for you, when... in the corner of my little eye, I spy... a schematic. A schematic, El Bell. Of retractable canine teeth. Which you are in possession of, and neglected to inform me."
Elster closes her eyes, knowing where this is going.
"Ariane."
"Now, I don't ask the time of day from a clock..."
"Liebchen."
"But I'm not shy about how hot I am for nibbles and love bites..."
"Light of my life."
"And you didn't think to tell me? When were you going to tell me?"
"Settle down, dramatic. They're for self-defense, not for sexy time. Besides, it's not even unique to LSTRs – all Replikas have them."
Ariane blinks in surprise. "Wait, seriously? Even Eules?" Having such teeth makes sense for a Storch or Star, but an Eule?
"Absolutely. I once heard that a secretary unit back at headquarters almost bit the fingers off an untrained Storch who got too ugly with her. Not sure how it ended, but I like to think Frau Beißer got off with a warning and the Storch never lived it down. Self-defense, like I said. With combat units it's a last resort in case one runs out of ammunition or doesn't have a melee weapon ready."
Ariane's eyes widen. Eules always looked so delicate to her with how lightly they carried themselves, but it seems even those domestic units are made of sterner stuff than expected. Her eyes lower to Elster's mouth. Elster gives her a knowing look.
"No."
"I didn't say anything!"
"You have that 'in the interest of science' look on your face."
"I just want to see them for myself! There's nothing wrong with that! Show me, please? It's not like I'll ever see them in a combat situation, unless we get picked up by aliens or something."
Elster stares. Ariane stares back, pleading and doe-eyed, just seconds away from deploying the dreaded pouty bottom lip. Elster gives in, of course. She can never really refuse humoring her love, so she teasingly grouses like it's such a chore.
"Ach, fine."
Ariane tries not to drum her fingers happily while Elster pops the mandibles in her jaw, mouth opening. Nothing out of the ordinary, just 28 white teeth – go figure Replikas aren't manufactured with wisdom teeth – and then Elster curls her lips back wolfishly, her canines extending with an audible click.
There is, of course, the knee-jerk flicker of saucy fascination since Ariane does so love when Elster bites her, but in the moment it's also tempered by actual scientific curiosity. Elster's lengthened teeth are only sharp at the very tips, as Ariane knows from experience, so while they probably can pierce through flesh or biomechanical components they must be intended for crushing and tearing, clamping down and keeping a steady grip thanks to powerful jaws.
A rather specific detail from the Replika overview comes to mind: the LSTR unit has a bite force of 1250 PSI at minimum. Ariane's heard of certain Vinetan animals having a comparable bite, capable of piercing through the skulls of their prey. The knowledge of this results in a revelatory daydream of hostile alien forces intercepting their little ship and abducting Ariane, causing Elster to crush an extraterrestrial skull or spine between her teeth as she goes in a rampaging rescue...
"Ari," Elster drawls. The extended fangs seem to mess with her speech, an added lisp causing her accent to border on nonsensical. "Ye hab dat look."
Ariane shakes her head. "I wasn't thinking of anything sexy this time, honest!"
"Uh-huh. Cad I pud dese away now? Iz hahd to talk."
#signalis#preview#ariane yeong#elster 512#why yes i do like to imagine elster CHOMPING DOWN on her enemies and dragging them around with her teeth. why do you ask?#kolibri compensate for being so tiny by having a jaw like a thylacine. they open FUCKEN WIDE. and WILL bite your ankles.#storch like to bite metal as a jaw exercise. it looks funny until they bend the metal. and they will bite during interrogations.#mynahs like to compare their tusks to those of an old vinetan movie about a giant turtle. because turtle is friend to all children!#stars have the triangular shark style teef for intimidation. some paint teef on their masks. the mask is to protect YOU from THEM.#ara teef are mostly to keep anyone who Isn't Allowed outside their tunnels. mind your fingers.#eules have 'vampire style' teef because gestalts think it's oddly cute on them. do not be fooled. if she wanna go off she'll do some damage#falkes have oni style retractable tusks. because it's cool and intimidating and sexy and easily distinguishable and tusks are SCARY.#adlers don't have big teef because they're administrators but they do still have strong jaws. some will sharpen their teef to emulate falke#those adlers are cool and like to Get Shit Done so they can go back to doing their own thing and stim in peace.#thank you for coming to my ted talk
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