#but I do alas I fear I always will
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funtheysaid · 6 months ago
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That’s got to be the best, most insane, most satisfying, MOST FASCINATING season finale I’ve ever watched in my life. Holy fuck.
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xxplastic-cubexx · 4 months ago
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oh noooo or whatever
bonus aka The Real Motive Behind This:
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SURPRISE double bonus. textless ver of the first pic under the cut
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s0fter-sin · 2 months ago
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i’d love to know how much of early day's spn subtext was deliberate or just a happy accident bc the subplot of 1x08 bugs is sam and dean butting heads about how they were raised and sam hating it while dean tells him he should accept it as they protect a family; predominantly a father and son
the father and son argue bc the son is different and not who the father wants him to be while the son feels ignored and shunned (aka sam). sam spends the episode empathising with him and telling him he can look forward to going to college to get away from him just like he did while dean cuts in to say he should stick with his family
the entire episode, dean defends john and the way he raised them ("maybe he needed to raise his voice but sometimes you were out of line"), it even starts with him and sam arguing over their illegal ways of making money and how they were brought up in the life; dean adapting to and enjoying it and sam wanting to be honest and straight
they talk about sam being sure john is and always has been disappointed in him just for dean to say john used to go to stanford whenever he could to check on him and something about his expression is so bitter; like he knows john would never express that care for him
but at the climax when they're trying to get matt to convince his dad to leave, sam is the one telling him to tell the truth and make his dad listen whereas dean tells him to lie; implying he wouldn't trust his son enough to believe him
he outright scoffs at sam and asks him what he was thinking for trying to get matt to tell the truth
the entire episode, dean is advocating for the kid to work it out (almost to just take it) and stay with his family but when push comes to shove, he tells him to lie
sam who spent years resenting john and his family for how they were raised, fell back on "making him listen"; echoing all the arguments he had with john, trying to force him to understand who he is while john's too blinded by vengeance to even begin to try. the same way sam refuses to see how they were raised and why they were raised that way from john’s point of view, hinting at how similar people they are (which still isn’t an excuse but also not the point rn)
dean winchester, the king of repression and masking (and fawning), dean who at this point is still staunchly defending john, tells a shunned kid with a harsh father to pretend in order for his father to care enough to listen to him and believe him
dean knows reasoning won't work bc he's watched it happen over and over again with sam and john
even the way matt tries to say, “but he’s my… (father)” feels like he’s coming over to dean’s point of view; that matt as a son respects his father to enough to tell the truth and no matter how much they’ve fought, that should trump everything. but dean still insists he lies. and matt tells the truth. and his father doesn’t listen
there's no way they intentionally made dean subconsciously know that a man raising his son in a mimicry of how john raised them wouldn't respect or trust his son enough to believe him about something potentially life threatening after half a season of john ignoring them about something potentially life threatening
right?
#sam accusing dean of being perfect and thats why john never yelled at him actually makes me crazy#especially when you take in how much dean fawns when hes around john#fawning being the fear response of making yourself as unobtrusive as possible so you dont become a target#deans fawn response is to be the soldier; to always agree and listen to orders and be johns mini replica so he doesnt make waves#its not just him being a good son despite how much thats hammered into us over the course if the show#thats why he tries so hard to get sam to just agree and do as hes told; not just bc he thinks john is right but so it wont cause an argument#arguments he expressly hates despite being highly confrontational with literally everyone else#he only has a fawn fear response when it comes to john and sam; not even bobby gets the same level of repression#anyway i unintentionally started a rewatch and dean flipping on a dime about how the kid should be with his father twigged my interest#and how much of it was intentional? in the good supernatural in my head all of it is#but alas this is the real supernatural and it was probably completely unintentional and means nothing#especially since the episode ends with the kid throwing away the things that make him different#and sam saying he wants to apologise to john in person for the things he said to him when he left for stanford#hes dean says he will apologise then theyll immediately be at each others throats again but he doesnt really progress at all beyond that#he spends the whole episode saying relationships are a two way street and sam said awful things and should pick up the slack between them#and he ends with that same mindset so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ likely all of it was unintentional#coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt#carry on my wayward son#talk meta to me#supernatural#spn#meta#dean winchester#sam winchester#john winchester#john winchesters a+ parenting#save post
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skunkes · 2 months ago
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biggest downside of not having many experiences or meeting many people is not having anything to feed into the art machine
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borgialucrezia · 1 year ago
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"One thing that I've always said about Juan is that every action that he does is heartfelt and genuine. When it was the war against the French, he was there and he was going to go to war, even though he knew he was going to die. He saw them getting ripped apart, but he was there and he was going to do it. I believe if Lucrezia hadn't come over, he would have led all his troops into death. I don't think there's anything that he's done which was through general cowardice. In terms of his survival, he died how he lived, and that's laudable, in itself." — David Oakes.
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glxthoughts-old · 7 months ago
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the loyal son.
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valleymyristica · 2 months ago
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Has Peri learned how to behave? I don't know if he would make a mistake so soon after what happened. But I can also see that you want to break him as much as possible. You just love being evil, don't you?
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There is always opportunity to learn! No one is perfect after all, not even our pretty little star!
Still… He's learned to not make the same mistake, he knows the rules,
Don't grant sleep wishes
Don't- What did he do wrong? He's had so much time thinking about it, but what did he do wrong? All he knows is,
Don't make Dev angry
It has to be perfect. Dev deserves to be happy. Dev has to be happy.
And most importantly,
Don't say "sorry"
"A Dimmadome doesn't say sorry"
He knows it well. He'll never forget. He's no rule breaker, he'll remember.
And, oh! How sweet, the kid thinks him part of the family! It may not be true, but it's a nice sentiment, isn't it?
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See how good and effective Dale's methods are! No wonder he has gotten so far Maybe he is a good dad after all?
HAH!
Still, he gets results, doesn't he?
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In other words, Peri will try his best to ensure that he doesn't get punished again. He's a good fairy. He's a good fairy godparent. He got this.
And don't worry too much, the next chapter is just a normal day, that's the title, "To have a normal day". Wonder what that takes?
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Indeed!
Vicious and cruel and a bright delight! I'll be a dream and haunt you all night
It's fun though ᵔᵜᵔ
Heh, Believe it or not, the story will be about healing You may wonder, How in the world can one heal from what's to come? Well, hehe, the fun has just begun.
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adriartts · 1 year ago
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if anyone asks im normal about that movie. yeah the one a total of 3 people have seen
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levia-kun · 6 months ago
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once again deeply thinking about my relationship with food and weight and how my mom severelly affected it like wow
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phagodyke · 1 year ago
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I was on the wikipedia page for phobias just for fun but just discovered theres an actual word for a fear of being touched.. 🥹
#haphephobia.... and they list guts from berserk under pop culture references 😢😢😭😭 thats my guy....#not gonna lie i teared up a bit i didnt realise it 'counted' as an actual phobia#i find it really difficult to talk abt but i have a complicated relationship w touch/physical contact (likely trauma babeyy)#and while i do crave it a lot i also have a very physical reflexive fear response especially if its intentional + i dont expect it#which can sometimes even get triggered just being in proximity to ppl bc like. even the possibility sets me on fucking edge#it would be nice to be as physically affectionate as i naturally want to be without dealing w my fight/flight/freeze but alas#its weird bc there are some random situations where it doesnt get triggered at all but its so unpredictable every time#and varies wildly person to person for seemingly no reason. there r strangers im innately more comfortable with but also friends ive known#for years and will never be comfortable around. i think part of that depends on how strongly the other person communicates and whether-#i feel as if theyre demonstrably able to respect boundaries not just mine but their own too + understand theyre not always fixed#ideally i need to have had this conversation with them so i Know they understand. which is rly difficult i find it so hard to admit#and i have a complicated mental block where i need the other person to naturally bring it up which very very rarely ever happens#idk just an atmosphere of safety yknow. i think its intentional touch that specifically makes me panic bc im usually fine w like-#bustling crowds or even expected social rules like handshakes at interviews. bc its not like they're Trying To Touch Me its just rote idk#hopefully eventually ill reach a place where im able to unpack it and reduce its severity bc man sometimes its fucking heartbreaking to me#bc i do genuinely really like physical contact im an incredibly physical person its my main way of interacting w the world#and the way having to force myself to avoid it meshes w my rsd too augh.... its a clusterfuck#even just having one person im completely comfortable with. maaaaan.#almost makes me miss my ex. at least i was mostly cool around them#god its sucked lately ive been having weird vivid dreams related to it. but whatever its so far down my list of problems to prioritize#and at least i dont get it w my familys dog so i can cuddle her :^) i miss her i cant wait to see her next month :D#anywayyyy thats enough im so tired goodnight every1...#.diaries
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magnus-and-the-dragon · 2 years ago
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i do not anticipate today being a good day
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maryqueenofmurder · 5 months ago
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ok ill admit that like, the only mario games ive played was like super mario brothers and mario cart 8 i think.
But maybe the difference between mario games and luigi games sort of represents the differences in their worldview?? like mario is your classic protagonist full of confidence and persistence and maybe a little faith in the innate goodness of humanity. his games are cheerful and reflective of his determination to find joy in any circumstance. there are people who try and help him along the way bc of course there are!! don't the majority want good to triumph over evil? his games usually end cleanly/neatly as mario rolls with the punches in life, refusing to hold onto the bad.
Luigi is often characterized by his fear. The incessant anxiety he presents in almost every side role. Luigi's games reflect that way of thinking and are indicative of the way he sees himself in life. Luigi is boxed in and can only take certain paths (e.g. the hallways and doors, as opposed to the more open style in mario-centric games) which is reminiscent of the way anxiety will lock you into "acceptable" actions and hamper lateral thinking, because surely that isn't what you're supposed to do?
And speaking of "...heavy piece of machinery tied to your back, rendering you unable to climb or jump." doesn't this remind you of the intrusive thoughts that chip down on your self-esteem or make everything seem dangerous? In fact a heavy burden limiting mobility is a very good metaphor for the mental strain and effects of anxiety. Also with anxiety you kind of can't let yourself expect people to help/care about you? You may think that they probably will, and logically they should, but mentally you have to hold yourself back from expecting them to because wouldn't that be presumptuous? this goes with the irrational worry that people will react really poorly to innocuous things or requests for help. You never believe they actually would respond like that, but you keep thinking about it. This is shown in how most luigi game characters want you dead (the worst scenario your brain makes up for people), are ambivalent (thinking that people have no real reason to help you), or a dog that doesn't understand what you're going through (those neurotypical people who always give incredibly useless advice and just don't understand what it's like to work differently than other people).
uhhh in short mario/luigi games represent the personality & worldview of the respective characters. Also luigi has anxiety.
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Mario games: The world is grand and open, colorful and friendly! There are plenty of dangers, but there are also kindly residents all around willing to give you a word of advice or encouragement. You are light and springy, filled to the brim with joy and enthusiasm! There is a job to do, but the path on the way is a veritable playground. The horizon is the limit and the world is your oyster.
Luigi games: You're forced into tiny rooms and narrow hallways where everything is dark and ominous. The claustrophobia of your surroundings is emphasized by the heavy piece of machinery tied to your back, rendering you unable to climb or jump. The best you can do is run, and run you will, because everything wants you dead except for a morally grey old scientist who cares more about research than survival, and a ghost dog who doesn't even comprehend how much danger you're in. Good luck, fucker.
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sanchoyo · 8 days ago
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looking for a 2nd part time job because my current one, while really nice in a lot of aspects, swings wildly between giving me like 35 hr weeks and 10 hour weeks and that is so unsustainable bc I never know how much I’ll make on my next paycheck and that’s kinda scary… if I could find another really flexible remote job I could just swap between them when one is slow! Ideally. But finding a job like that that I’m qualified for is painful…I forgor job hunting Sucks Forever……
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quietlyblooms · 3 months ago
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i dunno if i really will manage any actual writing tonight or not, but i do think chiyo will always be very, very happy when others welcome her into their personal bubble. she loves physical affection so much, but she feels very restrained when i write her in normal circumstances. physical touch grounds her, yet only in particular situations will she reach for your hand. physical touch is a way she expresses her happiness and even thankfulness, but a degree of closeness is required before she ever hugs you or kisses your cheek. she holds back a lot, even if i never blatantly point it out in my writing. but boy do i feel it.
and it isn't so much out of shyness as it is fear that chiyo hesitates to touch others. she fears rejection. she fears that her touch is not welcomed, or that touching another might reveal her weakness, her heart. so she doesn't do it. she keeps her hands to herself, clenched into tight fists. and it just takes time for that to change. and i'm just a lil emo about it tonight uvu
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fabled-fiction · 7 months ago
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Cregan Stark x Targaryen daughter of Rhaenyra
I don’t have a deep plot but I do have an idea. What if reader takes the place of Jace and flies to encourage Cregan like in the recent episode and he’s mesmerized by her beauty? 👀 Something along those lines — feel free to add or change it! ☺️ Thanks!
Snowflakes, Stolen Looks, and Beating Hearts
(Cregan Stark x Strong!Reader)
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Summary: When you are sent with your brother Jacaerys to meet up with the Lord in the North, Cregan Stark, some feeling being to make the both of you light headed and forget just exactly what duty calls from the both of you. 
Word Count: 4.5k
Warnings: MAYBE POSSIBLE SPOILER ISH FOR EP 1. Yearning, possible OOC for Cregan (love does things to a man can you blame him??), Use of (Y/N)
A/N: This took…too long to write. I wanted to make this a yearning lovesick-y fic of Cregan that I have been DYING for and kept mulling over all the details. BUT ALAS it is here, I hope it filled your request and you all enjoy!!
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You never thought that you would see snow.
You always wished to see it, having heard of its beauty. Ice falling from the sky in beautifully small flakes that seemed to be sewn together by the gods.
Looking at the palm of your hand, you smiled as you studied the pattern of the snowflake. Its exquisite beauty only lasting mere seconds as it began to melt into the valleys of your skin. A small frown made its way in place of your smile as you temporarily mourned the flake, before you wiped your hand on your cloak.
To think this place was blanketed in such beauty for the entire year.
Just ahead, Jace took a glance over his shoulder as he stared at the spectacle that was you. You stood next to your dragon, still as ever letting the snow collect on your hair and shoulders. You looked statue-esque as you continued to catch snowflakes, admiring them before they met their inevitable fate. Lost in your own world as you took a moment to forget about everything that had been plaguing you for the past few months.
He wished he could do the same, even for just a moment. Arriving at Winterfell, had him feeling on edge. For his whole life Jacaerys had protected you, feeling it was his duty to make sure nothing ever hurt you. The both of you, him being the first son of Queen Rhaenyra and you the first and only daughter, had grown up to know the true meaning of duty. This alone had bonded the two of you practically to the hip, it did not matter that you were older than him.
Looking back at you, he smiled as he saw how much snow had collected on your hair…people could mistake you for a “true” Targaryen…
That alone reminded him of the reason they were there.
“(Y/N)...c’mon we mustn't be even more late than we already are to meet with Lord Stark. Nightfall will be upon us yet…”
He watched as you finally looked up from the palm of your hand and sighed. Shaking the snow off of your head and shoulders, you rushed to meet his pace.
“I must say, I quite like this cold. It's much better than the humidity we face on Dragonstone.”
This earned a chuckle from Jacaerys. “Is that what you think of now? Not what to say to Lord Stark? What words to sew together to ensure he is our ally?”
“I do not need to take such action. Diplomacy comes easy to me. Besides, the Starks are known to be loyal to a fault.”
That much was true. Jace wasn’t entirely sure why he felt such anxiety with this meeting. It could have been that the simple act of ensuring allyship meant that war was truly upon your house. Or perhaps it could have simply just been that he did not wish to look a fool aside you as you expertly made your way through conversation with Lord Stark despite this being your first meeting. Since the both of you were small you had a knack for persuading people with your words. The Silver Tongued Dragon, you had been known as not long after this talent was found out.
Yes, he had nothing to fear. This would all go smoothly.
“Lord Stark, Prince Jacaeyrs Velaryon and Princess (Y/N) Velaryon of House Velaryon have arrived.”
Cregan nodded to the squire, straightening his cloak as he strapped Ice to his back.
This meeting in particular was one he was not too entirely worried about. House Stark had bent the knee to King Visery’s when he named his daughter as heir to the iron throne. This matter had been in the back of Cregan’s mind, with many more pressing matters being his top priority. He supposed that is why he often did not make the best first impressions, as his priorities were not that of the common list that many found themselves concerned with. He did not take an immediate interest in the pursuit of heirs or of ensuring that the house had a formidable reputation. Duty was his priority.
This meeting was a matter of formality to him. To ensure that he would stand behind Queen Rhanerya and support her in whatever way he could, without crippling the defenses on the Wall.
His hands reached back to tie his hair halfway up, his eyes focusing on the black ice of the steps. As his fingers struggled to snap the band around, he finally looked up to meet the faces of the two young dragons.
When his eyes met yours, everything seemed to stop.
It was as if the snows knew to freeze this moment over, so he could have the chance to meet your eye.
Cregan Stark had heard of the beauty of the old Valyria. He listened to the stories men shared of the silver haired house that brought out the darkest of temptations of man. How their men and women held a grace about them that had wives and husbands lust for just the touch of their hand on theirs.
As he looked at you, he felt that those stories were watered down backswill of a drunkard. There was not a word within the all known language of the Seven Kingdoms that could describe what he felt in this moment as he had the fortune to lay his eye upon you. He felt his grip on the banister tighten as he took in the sight of you. You, who looked up at him with the most mesmerizing beautiful eyes that only looked at him. 
It wasn't until he saw the rise and fall of your own chest did he remember to breathe.
“Lord Stark, It's an honor to make your acquaintance.”
Looking over at your brother, Cregan cleared his throat as he made his way down the stairs to properly shake his hand.
“The honor is all mine, to host the both of you here. My apologies for the weather, but it is the North.”
His accent stuck out to you. On Dragonstone and even throughout the Keep, when you had stayed there once upon a time, people often shrouded themselves in uppity falsehoods. Either to seem as if they were meant to truly walk amongst you, or to be someone entirely different from whence they came. It was part of the reason why you were so glad to have fled to Dragonstone, there were not as many falsehoods there.
So to see Cregan Stark have no fear in brandishing his weaponry, and speak to you in the laced tongue of the North was refreshing. You were drawn to the way he felt as if the niceties of royalty were second thought. As if the both of you could afford to toss aside pleasantries. It made you smile.
There was something else to be said about the Northerner. Just the way he stood before the both of you alone was enough action to intrigue you.
“Lady Velaryon, it’s a pleasure to make your acquaintance.”
When his hand enveloped yours, you felt your breath catch in your throat. His eyes did not leave yours, as he lifted your knuckles to his lips.
“I wish it under other circumstances, Lord Stark.”
Giving him a small smile, the two of you stood there eye in eye. He had yet to let go of your hand as the two of you held each other there. When you stood this close to him you were able to get a better look at the man they had named Wolf of the North. Cregan Stark stood before you, dressed in fur and leather, bowing as he held your hand. You couldn’t help but feel your heart flutter as he held your eye. A flurry of grey and blue looked at you, purely you, and you couldn't help but feel as if that's all he wanted to do. Just as you stood there now, feeling consumed by the eye of the storm and wanting nothing more but to throw yourself to the whims of the winds.
“Lord Stark, Is there somewhere more private we could discuss?”
Feeling the hot stare of Jacaerys gaze on you, you regrettably took your hand from Cregan’s grasp. The imprint of his warmth on your skin remained, even through the leather, making you bring your hand to your chest as you bowed your head to him quickly.
Clearing his throat, Cregan looked at Jacaerys with a nod before motioning to the large metal lift.
“ ‘Course, let us talk atop the Wall.”
Jacaery’s held your eye for a moment as the both of you followed the Wolf. His eyes held a question within them as the two of you silently spoke. He had watched that whole scene unfold, having been a bystander to the tension that grew with every second that Cregan held your gaze. You simply rolled your eyes as you shoved him before following the Northerner into the metal cage.
Closing your eyes, you froze for a moment to feel the northern winds run through your hair and cloak. Snowflakes found themselves resting on you again, drawn to the warmth that ran through your Targaryen blood. As the lift brought you higher and higher into the sky, level with where you flew your dragon, it almost felt as if the air in your lungs crystallized.
“So tell me Lord Stark, What is this that falls from the sky and shivers my bones? Is it not still summer throughout the isles of the Seven Kingdoms?”
Cregan was so lost in his jealousy of the snowflakes that rested upon your skin that he almost didn't hear you speak. It wasn't until you had opened your eyes and looked at him through your lashes did he realize you had addressed him.
“This is only a late summer snow, my princess. In the true winter it will cover all you see, any memories you hold of warmth will be forgotten.”
“Sounds..hauntingly beautiful. Whilst this is my first time seeing snow it is my understanding that this is not the first time our ancestors have met here to treat? If I am correct it was the…Conqueror and the King in the North?” 
Jacaerys felt a relief fall over his shoulders as he heard you expertly laced the matter at hand into conversation. His eyes landed on Cregan as he watched the man hang onto every word you spoke. Not once had he looked at Jacaerys after the three of you stepped into the lift. His eyes never left you even before you spoke. He would like to think that it was because of the presence and attention you demanded. He had seen it many a time before, people could not look away from you whenever you entered a room, and their fates were often sealed after you had started to speak.
But, something else lay within his gaze. Jacaerys had seen that look before. The look of total awe and devotion to the other.
It was the same exact look he gave Baela.
“Surely the great Torrhen Stark would have sooner died than bent the knee. Unless of course he believed the Conqueror could bring unity to the Seven Kingdoms?” 
Cregan looked over to Jacaerys with a sigh. This meeting was meant for diplomacy, he had to remind himself of this as he looked to the Prince. He felt a crease grow within his brow as the three of you walked throughout the icy walkways of the top of the wall.
When your hand reached to hold his arm, he felt a fire light in his chest at your touch alone. It was as if you took all his pain and worry, forbidding it from plaguing him. When he took the opportunity to look over at you, he felt the ice in his veins thaw. 
“What my brother is getting at, Lord Stark, is that there is a threat upon the unity to the Seven Kingdoms. One that would tear the realm apart if the men and women who swore an oath to our grandfather do not remember who the rightful heir is. You understand our concerns do you not?”
“Starks do not forget their oaths, my princess…”
Looking at your hand placed on the crook of his elbow, he swallowed as he rested his hand atop yours.
“Can we depend on your men if the time comes that the Hightowers declare war upon our mother’s claim to the throne?”
Looking at Jacaerys, Cregan swallowed. He should not have felt torn, but he did. He needed his men here, to defend the wall from that which dared to plague Westeros. There were forces that lay in wait, that threatened the sanctity of not only the North but the South as well. He did not wish for his duty to falter in this dire time of need. But he had seen the worry in your eye. He knew that you were dependent on the power of the North if your mother’s throne, if you family was meant to remain the next in line. Another part of him wanted to promise whatever he could, whatever you needed just at the drop of the word.
“You must understand my hesitation, my Prince. Whilst I wish for nothing more than to offer you the whole of which the North has to offer, I must keep my army here to defend the Wall. Do you think my ancestors built a seven hundred foot wall to keep out snow and savages?”
As the three of you approached a divet within the wall, all of a sudden a very overwhelming dread filled your stomach. Looking over the edge, you saw nothing but a vast forest, covered in snow. But for some reason, the dragon within you faltered. Every sense you had was screaming at you to back away from the ledge that you took further steps towards. 
“What does it keep out?” Jace asked, as he felt his heart fall in his chest at the sight of you taking a closer step to the edge of the Wall.
“Death.”
You took a moment to look over your shoulder at Cregan once hearing the declaration. You had heard stories about the meeting place that took place here. How when King Jaehaerys and Queen Alysanne stood in your very spot, their dragons refused to cross the threshold. It made your stomach drop just at the idea of there being something more beyond the wall. That was a thought for another time however.
Both Jace and Cregan watched as you stood still as a statue once more, looking over the land of the North.
“I understand your hesitation to pull your men from the Wall, Lord Stark. It is quite the responsibility you have here,” Taking a step back, you swallowed as you smoothed your hair back. Jace offered you a hand to steady yourself as you took a few steps back from the edge.
“All we ask is that you provide whatever you can when the time comes. In return I personally can promise you’ll have mine when needed.”
Cregan sighed as he looked between the Wall and you. That alone had just sealed his fate, that he truely would give you whatever you needed, especially now knowing that you felt a duty to protect what was his as well. He could see it in your eyes when you looked over that edge. You believe his tales of things that lurked in the dark, just as he believed you when it came to the vile words of treachery.
The both of you would need the other soon enough yet.
“I can offer you thousands of greybeards. They have seen far too many winters, having grown a distaste for the cold. Their skills are well honed, and they can be ready to fight at a moment's notice. They will fight hard for you, like Northerners.”
There was a visible tension that dropped from the both of your and Jace’s shoulders after his words. Your brother rested his hand on your shoulder as you clasped your hands together in front of you. Jace then reached forward to shake Cregan’s hand with both of his.
“Thank you Lord Stark. Your promises will not be forgotten.”
Finding your way beside the both of them, you clapped your hand on both their shoulders with a beaming smile.
“Lets celebrate shall we?”
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He couldn't take his eyes off you.
You sat across the table, the warmth of the candle light that lit up the meeting hall suiting itself well on your cheeks. You had settled in well at the opposite head of the table, chatting with other Northern women. You were content, from as well as he could tell.
His eyes hadn’t left you since the minute you found yourself in his halls, drinking his wine and eating his food. There was something that stirred in the pits of his stomach as he…provided for you. In the ways of war and also in the niceties of comfort. You had taken well to both, and he planned to bathe in your presence for as long as he could before you took your inevitable departure.
After that he wasn’t sure he would see you again ever.
While he should have been fine with that, as he had told himself a multitude of times that courting and the ways of society were well beyond his interests, something made him sick at the idea of letting you just slip away because of some silly notions he had been telling himself. You had bewitched him at first glance, and as he had taken in more of your presence throughout the day he could rightfully say that you had taken up a space in his mind if not in its entirety. 
His hand gripped his chin tighter at these thoughts alone.
“Lord Stark…” 
Shaking his head, he looked over to see your brother standing beside him.
“My prince, to what do I owe the pleasure?”
Jace motioned to the chair besides Cregan, sitting down as the Lord motioned him. Taking one last look at you, as you laughed aloud at whatever the person holding your attention had said, he figured he could spare a moment of his attention being somewhere else.
“I just wanted to come by and thank you once again for pledging your support. I know it was not your responsibility to ease my anxieties but you did anyway, and I am grateful for it.”
He gave a curt smile to the prince, turning his body to face him to ensure that he was indeed involved in whatever conversation Jacaerys had meant to begin. However that could not be further from the truth as his mind began to wander.
“A Stark never forgets their oath. I would not be the man I am today had I intended to ever break it. “
“I figured as much. My sister said quite the same thing when we arrived, she being the more faithful one.”
Cregan smiled at the comment, taking another look over to you. You were alone in thought now, whoever you were speaking with having taken your attention for granted no doubt and departing to enjoy the festivities that were about. You were looking out the window, taking in the snow of the North like you had been earlier that day.
“She the smarter of the two of you hmm?” He quipped, smirking as he watched Jace chuckle to himself.
“She is the smartest out of all my siblings I would say. (Y/N) has always been a good judge of character, I don’t think I have ever seen her put her trust into someone who didn’t deserve it.”
His heart jumped at the words Jace bestowed upon him. Somehow knowing that you trusted him, that he was one of the few that could claim to have earned your admiration even within just a few words made him feel stronger in a sense. Is this what men talked about, when they said that the affection of a woman made them feel as if they could move the hills? If this is how he felt just at the mention of your trusting him, he couldn’t help but ponder on how he would feel from being the object of your affections.
“I think that might be one of the main reasons why she hasn’t been courted.”
Cregan froze, feeling himself look over at you once again. For some reason the thought did not run through his mind that your hand could have already been called for. It stirred something in him, knowing that your name was still Velaryon.
Your seat was empty when Cregan looked over again. He saw your silhouette turn the corner quickly, vanishing in a flurry of red and black.
“Enjoy the rest of the meal my prince.” Cregan laid his hand on Jace’s shoulder before making his exit in the same direction that you had.
Jace smiled to himself as he watched the man quickly follow your footsteps with haste, his cloak making a rather dramatic arch at the turn.
There you stood, looking into the sky. You looked as if you were infatuated by the moon herself, lit up only by her beam as snowflakes flitted around you. If it was possible for you to look anymore ethereal Cregan would become devote. You were cast in a halo of moonlight, so entranced that it almost made him guilty for interrupting such an intimate moment.
Looking over your shoulder, he swallowed whatever nerves he was feeling so he could actually have the opportunity to talk with you. But then you smiled at him, and he felt himself grow weak. Part of him wanted to fight against this foreign feeling, the other wanted to bask in it.
“Lord Stark, I hope my leaving didn’t come off as rude. I wanted to enjoy the cold for just a little longer.”
“Not at all. I’m glad you have taken such an interest in what others would consider harsh.”
This got a small hum from you as you held your gloved hand out. “How one could consider this harsh is beyond me.”
Cregan chuckled to himself as he came to stand next to you, watching as you studied the snowflake in your palm.
“Winter is not often kind. The cold and ice have a tendency to turn those away, since it takes so much and gives so little.”
“Fire does the same, yet people hold it in such a high regard. People should do the same with snow.”
Cregan hung onto every word you said, taking this private moment deep within. Hearing you speak so poetically, especially when the topic was anything other than the purpose of which you came. To get a glimpse into who you were, to know the person that was you made him think of a million other questions to ask just to fill out every step it took to understanding you.
He watched you closely as you brought your hand down, and held your arms when you looked up. The cloak you had dawned earlier was nowhere in sight, and if he could recall it had been left behind on your chair in the haste of leaving the room. Cregan was quick to remove his own fur lined cloak, and drape it across your shoulders. It swallowed you, enveloping you in the lingering warmth that was him.
“Thank you, you did not have to.”
“What type of a host would I be if I let you freeze?”
You laughed at his comment, a full laugh, and placed your hand on his bicep. It was still cold, from catching snowflakes, but it warmed him none the less.
“Plus, it looks better on you. The North suits you.”
A flash of blush rested on your cheeks at the comment, and made you tighten the grip on his cloak.
“Thank you, Lord Stark. I do have to say of all the places I’ve been I think I have enjoyed my time here the most.”
With a nod, he clasped his hands behind his back before leaning a little closer to whisper to you.
“Well I hope then that the next time you are here I can show you all that Winterfell has to offer..that is if there is a next time?”
You both had turned to face each other now, your hand still holding his arm as you looked up and only him now. He looked at you the same way the moon did, and you basked in the warmth of him in the same way.
Reaching forward, his hand came to hold a bit of your bang before wiping the snow from it and tucking it behind your ear. His hand came to rest on your cheek, holding the side of your face as the both of you were able to finally really look at each other without the wandering eye of anyone else.
He took his time committing your face to memory, just in case this was truly the last time he would see you. Cregan wanted to make sure his dreams were able to replicate the image of you.
You stood there, doing the same. You were surrounded by him entirely, in scent and sight. This entire afternoon when he wasn’t looking at you, you were looking at him. You could feel this back and forth game of cat and mouse that had played out, but there was a nagging reminder of everything that lead to this meeting and everything that waited after it.
Perhaps you could take this night to bask in something that wasn’t duty.
“I could entertain the thought, only if you could make the trip worthwhile.”
This earned a laugh from the northerner as he looked at you, and his thumb ran under your eye. The feeling off his touch had you feeling drunk off his attention. Oh you were absolutely certain if anyone had seen the two of you in this exact moment there would be many an accusation.
“Oh? And how exactly would I do that my princess?” He mused, looking at you tenderly
Reaching to hold the wrist of the hand that held you, you stroked his wrist and hummed.
“Give me a reason to come back, Cregan Stark. A reason that isn't just snow, or the cold. Something that is more than the North. More than duty.”
He stood there, just staring back into your eyes as he thought of the declaration. To give you a true and proper reason to ride all the way back here, where he was nothing but duty and sacrifice. To give you a part of him that was something else completely. You asked this of him as if it was the easiest thing he could sacrifice in order to see you again.
It should have been a hard request to fill. A question that should have left him tormented when giving the answer.
But somehow his answer was sealed the minute you stepped into view.
“Me…Come back for me.”
In the silent moment between the two of you, all that could be heard was the howl of the wind and the beating of your hearts as they became forever joined with just a touch.
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maymysoulreachyours · 2 years ago
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I'm a little anxious right now but there is so much warmth in my heart. I am holding it close.
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