#but alas. ibs says ‘get fucked’.

[magnus-and-the-dragon]

i do not anticipate today being a good day

[mvttsvn]

Good Little, Liar

Literal sadist😳Toji Fushiguro x bratty fem!reader

warnings: 18+ smut, ABSOLUTE FILTH,  cussing, reader is a masochist, dacryphilia, manhandling, choking, pain kink, daddy kink, impact play, degrading pet names “whore, slut”, use of “princess”, Toji threatens to kill you like once👩🏻‍🦯, no prep, mentions of blood, stomach bulge, size kink, mind break, dumbification, no aftercare :/, angsty at the end.

authors note: 2k words, UNEDITED holy fuck this was supposed to be a short drabble but I got carried away. this is completely self indulgent, it so nasty literally how did I even think of this??? I cannot get this shitty ass dad out of my head... literally just ib this one pic🤒

You convinced him alright. Convinced him so much that he whole heartedly believed he picked up and took home a totally different person tonight. You and Toji and been together a couple of times prior, nothing too serious, went out for a drink, maybe kissed, probably rode him in his backseat. Each and every time you put on your good girl façade, always so sweet, and submissive. Following his each every command. Taking exactly what he gives and thanking him for it every time.

He thought you were sent from the gods, how could he have found someone like you, who fit just perfect under his thumb, so willing to do anything just for his attention. Yet here you were, same pretty little girl, same pretty little face, telling him “no” ???.

You were straddling his lap, on his rough leather couch, the tv lowly played a old movie which by now has left both of your minds. The dim light from the kitchen buzzing due to the bulbs starting to burn out, which completely unfazed Toji, but left you slightly annoyed.

“No?” He scoffed.

You adjusted your hands to fit onto his built shoulders had his began gripping you hips tighter and tighter.

“Nope, I don’t want my jaw to hurt in the morning” you gave him a coy smile, while tilting your head down to stare at him through your lashes.

His right hand came up and  roughly gripping your jaw. “Does it look like I fucking care?” He practically growled in your face. In all honesty he was more confused than pissed, of course he was going to immediately put you in your place, but you had him genuinely concerned, we’re you always like this? Did he do something wrong?? You tried to shake you head but due to his grip you could only move so far.

“Now, on. your. knees.” He released his grip only for his hand to move to the back of you neck waiting for you to comply. You slowly leaned in kissing the scar on his lip to kiss down to his jaw then leaning back up to whisper two little words that could make or break your night, probably both.

“Make me”

the millisecond your breathy whisper hit his ear it was over, you were done for. Say goodbye to you legs you’re probably never walking again.

The force in which he pulled you hair made you shriek. He stood up tossing you over his shoulder furiously stomping into the bedroom. He threw you onto his mattress, you couldn’t help but giggle, this is exactly what you wanted it only added to his rage. He threw off his shirt, then gripped your ankles pulling you to the edge of the bed. He was immediately on top of you, his knees digging into your calves holding down your legs, has one hand gripped both of your wrists and the other tightly around your throat. You were already breathing hard due to anticipation but now he practically had you life in his hands.

“What the fuck did you do with my good little girl hmm?” His voice darkened by lust.

“I don’t know who your talking about” you laughed again, his grip tightening around your throat.

Before you could make another comment his knee was pushed up between your thighs has the hand holding your wrist bunched your shirt up exposing your bra. He ripped the right strap off  making you choke out a gasp, then he slid the rest of garment out from under you to throw it across the room. Toji mouth immediately on your breast teasing you to no avail.

“M..m..more” you choked out, you were in no right to be making demands but you really wanted to see how angry you could make him. His only reply was catching you nipple on a canine and biting down hard. You almost screamed, you thought he probably wanted to see you bleed.

He continued his teasing, you wanted to keep this game up for longer but your vision was starting to get hazy from the lack of oxygen. You started pawing at his shoulders, while wrapping you legs around his waist, quietly pleading, “I’m.. I’m sorry... T...oji..I’m...” the hand on your throat let go to harshly slap your thigh making you yelp in pain once again.

“That’s not my name. C’mon what is it?”... you met his harsh gaze, maybe just a little longer... “Toj-“ he slapped you across the face. You didn’t make a single sound but the tears pricking your eyes said enough. Lucky for you, Toji’s into that.

He met your lips in a sloppy kiss shoving his tongue down your throat. You tapped his collar bone silently signaling you needed to breathe, once he moved away he removed his pants and helped you wiggled out of yours.

“Who knew you’re such a fucking brat” he slapped your thigh again watching you squirm. His hand hovered over your already drenched cunt, as he starred right into your eyes. The flush on your chest started moving to you face. Why were suddenly getting all worked up now??

“Are you gonna give in already?, gonna be my good little whore again?”, you wanted to answer no again because he looked so hot when he was angry. The words got caught in your throat and all you could do was nod.

He lightly slapped your clit “Hmm need to hear it little girl, tell me who owns you?”

“you do....daddy” you admitted, you tilted your down, you couldn’t meet his eyes.

His calloused palm came up and caressed your jaw leaning in closer. “Are you sorry? Tell daddy your sorry for being such a brat.” He mocked making a fake pout. “M’sorry daddy, j..just wanted to make you angry.”

“I know you did princess...” He reeled his hand back to full on slap your cunt, squirming up the bed you let out a pathetic whine.

He slapped three, four more times now, and the tears started running down your face. He moved to tuck his face in the nape of your neck, leaving deep red bruises as he moved down your torso.

The muscles in his back rippled as he held himself up but the palms of his hands. God he looked so..big... not sure if he would ever explicitly admit the he liked how he overpowered you in almost every single way...but you liked it too.

There was no way you could’ve played you act for any longer, he would’ve choked you out. And would’ve done it with ease since his hand was bigger than your actual face. You knew how dangerous this was, yet still tilled wanted to play fire, but alas here you were once again, bowing to his every command.

“D..d..ddaddy..p..please..”

“Aw there she is” he lifted his face from you chest giving you one of his sickening grins. “I thought he wanted to play the little bitchy brat huh? What happened?” His voice dripping with mockery.

“N..need..you”

“How princess, you know daddy can’t help if you don-“

“please, PLEASE! need daddy’s cock! ….” you were getting impatient now, was this the most he was going to? you expected at lea-.

The scream ripped from you chest was silenced by the strong hand around your throat in a death like grip. He shoved his whole cock inside your tight little cunt, there was no prep not even when you were on the couch, he didn’t he stuff his fingers in your little cunt to stretch you out. You knew he was big, since the time he shoved his entire cock down your throat but feeling it twitch inside you making you feel like your being absolutely split open on Toji’s cock.

He gave a deep throaty chuckle, you knew how much he was enjoying this. New tears pricked from your eyes, wetting your cheeks, he moved his free hand pinching your clit between his fore finger and thumb, watching your eyes roll to the back of your head. The hand on your throat gripped your hair moving so his face was flushed with yours, spatting in your ear, “You don’t cum until I say, understand?” All you could do was whine in response.

“I give you rules for a reason break them and I’ll kill you where you lay.” A threat, empty of not, it had you clenching hard around his dick. You glanced down to where you were connect, to be met with a indescribable bulge in your lower stomach.

Dear god, bless your poor cervix, he hasn’t even started moving yet  and you could feel the intrusion all the same. He started rocking his hips slight against yours, at least he was giving you sometime to adjust, all while staring two lust filled hole into your head as you writhed and whimpered underneath him. He pulled his hips back to pull out but when he’s met with the slightest sign of blood mixed with the milky white arousal coating his dick, he could’ve came right there.

He gripped your hips sinking right back into you making you scream once again. “DA-DADDY..fuck..shit..” the tears running down you face only egged him on.

“So god damn tight, maybe I should never prep you again, if you’re gonna feel like this every time” he groaned. “Such dirty little words, I would’ve punished you if you didn’t already dig yourself a grave”.

The pained moans falling from your lips were music to ears. Profanities fell from his as he continued a rough pace, your tits bouncing with every thrust. He had fucked you completely and utterly dumb, no coherent thought where making their way to you consciousness. Only daddy, Toji, and cock.

You have gotten numb to the pain but right now you were putting all you effort into not focusing on the way his dick was bruising you cervix, trying so hard not to come just from the way his pelvic bone catches your clit. You didn’t realize he was speaking to you till he lightly slapped your cheek. “Aw look at you, you’ve gone all stupid. Too bad, if you played nice I would’ve let you cum by now.” The malice in his voice made you clench around his cock, squeezing more of your arousal on his thighs. “ at least you’re taking me so well.” His breath hitched as his thrust stared getting sloppy.

“Holy fuck, keep squeezing just like that-“ you saw his abs clench, “remember you don’t cum till I say” his eyes flicked right back into yours you nodded, more like messily rolled your head around. “Holy fuck princess...” he was practically already using your cunt like a toy. With a last few harsh thrust he filled you cunt to the brim with hot, thick cum.

The groans falling from his mouth sounded almost angelic. All you could let out was a low whine met with heavy breathing. The sweat dripping down his toned chest shone from the dim light of the lamp on the corner the side table. He pulled out watching his cum drip out of you down to your asshole and onto his dark sheets.

Your body laid motionless barely opening your eyes to see him move away from edge and walk to his discarded pants. Your brain couldn’t even process this as you licked you’re tongue to wet your now dry lips.

Then it dawned that he didn’t let you cum... that fucker. You couldn’t do a single thing about it.

Because here you were unsatisfied, speechless, practically crippled, staring blankly at the ceiling. As he sat and lit a cigarette on the opposite end of the bed.

Notes: I am so sorry. There’s just something about Toji Fushiguro that I just forget how to function correctly. Um I hope you enjoyed! And that I didn’t rot ur brain too much<3

ps: ppp..ppart 2??? fluff???😏

[toxiccrybabyart]

Can I know your media/fandom list? :)

Oh man, yeah I can sure try, I'm in a lot of Fandoms though so like, might have to reblog with additions so keep an eye out for that!

Also note, if a peice of media on this list is problematic, the chances are I know, and don't support the problematic aspects, or don’t know, but I’ll never actively support bad shit, so please, no drama for what I list that I like.

•°☆°•

Super into

°

Steven Universe

Owl House

Shera

Avatar the Last Airbender

Korra

Bendy and the Dark Revival

Deltarune

Undertale and it’s aus

Sailor Moon

Danganronpa

Monster high g1 and g3

Ib

Mad Father

The John Doe games (yes the games with creepy stalkers, I like fucked up games about delusional freaks.)

Cookie Run Kingdoms

Mystic Messanger

Arcana

Invader Zim

Mean Girls

Heathers the musical

Infinity Train

Adventure Time

Panty and Stocking (yes I know it’s racist, I can acknowledge it’s racist and also say, it’s a shitty show that somehow captured my interest)

Moral Orel

Mandela Catalouge

Walten Files

Fnaf

Cult of the Lamb my beloved

Welcome Home

Don’t hug me I’m scared

Scream franchise

Spiderverse

•°☆°•

Kinda into

°

Obey me (I’m stuck really early in game so it’s mostly just fandom stuff)

Kipo

Sonic (specifically the movies and the snapcube dubs)

Hilda

Powerpuff girls

Disney movies (its complicated, i love Disney movies but the company is pissing me off)

Miraculous Lady Bug (it’s a neat concept but the show is such fucking trash you guys I just cannot)

Poppy Playtime (love the animations in the game. Hate the developers)

Dragon Prince

Bee and Puppycat

Total Drama (I can’t actually watch the show because of… all the puking. But I like the concept and the characters)

•°☆°•

Will never ever get into

°

Dragon Maid (sorry but that show is just too gross about kids)

Madoka Magika (this one really interests me but I had a friend who fucked me over emotionally who loved this and kinda ruined it for me)

Marvel (I like Spider-Man but I cannot stand the mcu it’s just, too much)

DC (look I’m really only there for whatever it is they’re doing with Harley Quinn)

Dsmp/mcyt (I can’t man. I just can’t.)

Genshin Impact (hard pass on another mostly white and Asian centered world)

Yandere Simulator (ah, my old hyperfixation. Alas, I hate you now.)

Mha (it used to interest m but tbh it’s mid at best to me now)

Your boyfriend (as much as I used to love Peter and the gang, I hate the Canon and refuse to support it or it’s shitty, creepy creator.)

[tellywoodtrash]

immj2 09.10.20 lb

lol, lemme preface this by telling you what i know about the show from my out-of-context insta-viewing:

kabir sends his gf riddhima in to spy on vansh RAISINGHANIA (naam ka wazan check karein ji. kaafi hi bhaari-bharkam, just like the fake baritone the actor playing the character is being forced to put on.) vansh is some kinda shady, but idk WHAT SPECIFIC KIND of shady..... like is he just your garden-variety-evil-capitalist-ala-ambani-bezos, or is he into shit like drug smuggling and human/organ trafficking???? no one knows. maybe a little bit of both. but kabir’s a COP, and we all know that those fuckers are the shadiest shits around (#ACAB) so yeah, true to type, kabir shadyyyyyyyy. he’s actually the secret illegitimate son of vansh’s stepmom and together they wanna ruin vansh and take all his monies. so anyway, kabir sends in riddhima, who’s just a whole special brand of dumbass, but also extraordinarily determined in the way only tellywood heroines are. so she’s basically sticking her nose everywhere that doesn’t belong and being a pain in the ass of literally everyone in the show, including her own (coz she seems to get injured in novel and entertaining ways in every second episode.) kabir ultimately manipulates her into marrying vansh, while vansh has apparently married her KNOWING that she’s a spy and is probably playing the long game to see who her puppet-master is. long story short, heterosexuality is too potent a force and the Stupid Spy Girl and Gangsta Guy are currently slowly giving in to the Feelz™, despite missing that one-little-teensy-weensy-who-even-needs-it-in-a-real-relationship thing. y’know, that little thing called, idk, i think it’s called “TRUST” or some such strange unheard-of concept.

oh, in between all this there’s also some bizarre plot about some ex of vansh’s called ragini, who’s dead??? missing? idk. kabir is real interested in that and wants to jail vansh for it, but we’ve long forgotten about ragini by this point #RIPSis anyway, there’s some kinda statue of her’s in the attic or some shit, coz vansh is some kinda modern day gender-reversed medusa who turns women who cross him into statues??? idk man, idk. so riddhima is pretty much in constant danger of being statue-d.

also vansh has a requisite irritating famiy in tow, that he’s burdened with being in charge of (coz no rest for the unfortunate eldest son who lives in this godforksaken mansion, be that an oberoi or a raisinghania) feat: a dadi who is well-meaning, but as annoying as the one in IB was, constantly spouting platitudes about how vansh and Spy Girl trooooooly lurrrrrrrrrrve each other *kissy noises*; some chachi/chacha who are all “HEY WHY DOES HE GET TO BE THE BOSS, WE WANT CONTROL OF THE CRORE-ON KA BIJNESS TOO”, some very fake kanji-eyed siblings/cousins who are supreme bitches, and ofc one (1) normal sibling who is sweet but really does nothing around here. oh and there’s his right hand man/bff too, who seems to be not 100% (maybe just 83%?) incompetent like everyone else. that poor sod just got suckered into marrying Kanji Aankhon Waali Bitch Sister, who is pregnant with some total rando’s baby, and is just an all-round asshole to Riddhima/Right Hand Man, because “ugh, yeh do kaudi ke middle class naukar log, cheeeeee.”

ok now that the sasta, not-at-all-useful recap has been done, LET’S GET INTO THISSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.

———————————————————————

the chachi is screaming her goddamn headdddd off coz her room is on fire. ofc it is. when has anything good ever happened in this manhoos house of horrors.

lmao the kanji eyed cousin has like 3% concern that his mom will be fried like a taaza jalebi. he's literally sauntering luxuriously towards his mom's room jaise park mein tehel raha ho.

chachi's screaming is getting on my nerves. aunty you're wasting valuable oxygen this way.  

riddhima is behind some secret box that aryan and chachi stashed in the room.

THESE PPL ARE SO CHILL ABOUT A WHOLE ROOM ON FIRE (note: it’s shivaay's room in IB) and they're just hanging out in the living room (which if you’ll remember, IS ATTACHED TO THE ROOM THAT WAS SHIVAAY’S) as if fire doesnt have a tendency to y'know..........  SPREAD RAPIDLY.

riddhima is fighting with the bloody fireman saying ki i need to save the box. #priorities

aaaaaaand the fireman is kabir, who has come to haath maarofy on Box of Secrets.

and we know this coz he did a DRAMAAAAAAAAATIC reveal by taking off his mask. in a room FULLY ON FIRE. idhar non-flaming rooms mein bhi ab mask nikaalna danger ho gaya hai, and this guy justtttttttttt dgaf. tum jaison ki wajaah se hi we can't bloody stop the spread.

my god this house has been decorated soooooooo fucking tackily. never thought the oberois would be the classy ones.

shady saasumaa and riddhima stinkeye-ing each other over a bowl of shehed. lol, what even. truly some "rasode mein kaun tha" lvl of politics.

oh ho, saasumaa and kabir lagaaofied the aag.

saasumaa gloating over the fact that riddhima will now never get her hands on Box of Secrets.

flashback time: hahahahaha KABIR LITERALLY LOBBED A MOLOTOV COCKTAIL INTO THE ROOM AND CHACHI DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING HEAR IT OR ANYTHING. lmao everyone in this show is a dumbass. how blissful life must be with just one (1) working brain cell.

riddhima runs into flaming room. ofc now we will have a prolonged sequence where kabir tries to keep his identity and riddhima being the dheent that she is, will give chase.

please note, that not even 48 hours ago, this woman walked barefoot on a bed of coals AND a hallway full of broken glass. AND NOW SHE'S RUNNING FULL SPEED BEHIND KABIR AS IF SHE’S PT USHA. SIS, TUMHARE PAIR HAIN KI KYA HAIN? YOU'RE LONG OVERDUE FOR AN INTENSE PEDICURE AFTER THIS WEEK.

and ofc, he got into a getaway car and made it away.

yeh lo, iss beech mein dadi behosh. ouff.

whooooooooops, dadi has some weird blue nishaan on her neck.

LMAO KABIR SHOT AT RIDDHIMA WITH A POISON BULLET OR SYRINGE OR SOME SHIT, WHICH HIT DADI INSTEAD. LMAO MAN THIS SHOW. IT'S SO FUCKING DUMB, I LOVE IT.

some more stinkeye politics between saas bahu.

bahu is passive-aggressively giving saasumaa roses to congratulate her on winning this round.

riddhima is dheent!max. she's like kuch bhi ho, i'll find the secret anyway and your victory will witherrrrrrr awayyyyyyyy like these flowerssssss and you will be left with the thorns that will prick youuuuuuuu!!!!!!!

LMAO SAAS IS FULLY ROLLING HER EYES AT RIDDHIMA'S DRAMATIC ASS #SAME

just looking at helly's ears is making my ears hurt like a bitch. 

hey riddhima, have you ever thought that maybe this secret child of hers is NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS?????? like honestly, the entitlement desis have to know the workings of other ppl’s wombs.

lol dumbass mummyji crumpled the flowers in her hand and played right into riddhima's stupid kaante waala metaphor. #ramMilayiJodi

hero ko covid hai toh ainvayi ke phone calls se kaam chalaana pad raha hai.

the dude left his house for literally the first time in months and the place is on fire and dadi got shot in the neck with poison. and the wife doesn't think she should tell him so that he doesn't become "pareshaan". sure, this seems like a dude who'll take this kinda thing real light when he finds out later.

(hint: he’s not. he’s a crazed, overprotective weirdo about his family. sound familiar?????)

this guy's dialogue delivery is so dodgy. idk what it is, it just seems so affected.

that plus the ainvayi ka editing just showing him in some random car (clearly from the earlier eps)  is just adding to the jankiness of the scene.

husband dude seems to know wifey's quirks quite well. kinda cute, kinda creepy. 

lol kal tak toh yeh banda itna romantic nahi tha. like he had a smooth moment here and there, but he was mostly real awkward and robotic and unsure how to handle These Strange New Feelings™. now he’s spouting cheesyass lines about being able to see the one who is special to you with dil ki aankhein and idk what.

who are these people who like SHARING their room with another person? #unrealistic

but i also i get you, riddhima. he was pretty much the only thing worth looking at in this room, coz the rest of it is so damn fugggggg. this room should be the one set on fire.

dang, some steamy scenes between them in the flashbacks. ouff abhi jaake episodes dhundne padenge. coz #tharkiTTisTharki

riddhima doing dadi seva. boooooooooring.

ofc dadi ki sui is always atkofied on playing cupid for pota, taaki she can score some par-pota/potis.

riddhima ki best friend ka happy birthday hai.

riddhima is like a lottttt has happened in my life, can't really tell you over a call. yup, that’s for sure. 

ok apparently sejal who said she’s in dubai now is NOT in dubai?? she's just up and flew to mumbai to "surprise" riddhima...... on HER OWN birthday? #doesNotCompute

lmao kabir's annoyance with mummy's useless glass of water. WHY DO MOMS THINK EVERYTHING CAN BE SOLVED WITH DRINKING MORE WATER?!?!?!!

now he's yelling at mom about how she's ruined everything. sure. blame the only one who's actually doing shit around here, while you sit on your ass in this room, glaring and growling like a hangry bear.

some menacing dialogue about how he needs to thikaane lagaaofy riddhima's hosh.

which has been overheard by bff sejal, who went and dropped a showpiece from shock. cool. so she gonna die. bye sejal, hardly got to know ya!

sejal being here doesn’t even make sense. she thought he was a PT teacher. then why did she show up here at his police waala office? also how did she connect the dots about the whole damn story with like 0.04% context that she got from what she overheard? kuchhhhhhh bhi.

[sunshinexlollipops]

ooh do you have time to share some headcanons for an acw modern au where arthur is an art professor and wolf is a new professor and they catch each other’s eye ...

Uh, YES I DO ANON.

OKay so I did start typing this earlier and my phone geeked and crashed tumblr so LETS TRY AND DO THIS AGAIN SHALL WE?

Arthur, as mentioned in the ask, is a popular art professor. Not only is he good at his job, he is known as the heartthrob of the school.

Most online reviews of his course not only compliment his class, but also his ass. And everything else ofc.

One review used the golden ratio about the proportions of his shoulders and hips and since then the staff jokingly calls Arthur “Ponyboy.”

One day, during a staff meeting, Dutch, the dean of the school, informs Arthur and his coworkers that they are getting a new Animal Sciences teacher.

Apart from needing space, the best open location for this new teacher is in the building beside Arthur.

It’s spacious, and Arthur asks why this new professor needs so much space (as he takes up a lot with kilns and other things like drying racks or weaving stations.)

Turns out this new professor has some animals that she is bringing, and so she needs the space for the pets she is bringing into her classroom. Which— oh. Okay.

Arthur doesn’t think anything more of it until the day the animal sciences teacher arrives.

He’s outside, having his class throw paint at canvases to create abstract outlines by using stencils to cover up areas. It’s messy.

Arthur is covered in paint, his denim jeans and shirt splattered all over, and because of the heat, he has some of his shirt’s top buttons undone on his chest, as well as his sleeves rolled up.

(One girl almost faints. Arthur fears heatstroke but in reality it’s Arthur who is too hot.)

Still, he’s in the process of throwing a balloon for a student with an arm cast when Wolf arrives.

Students notice her and they immediately go: wtf are all of our professors gonna be fucking hot or????

He doesn’t see her at first, but he notices that a woman dressed in blouse and fancy dress pants is looking at him.

She’s beautiful. So much so that Arthur drops a balloon without throwing it and gets even more paint all over himself.

The woman chuckles at him and says, “So is this the art course I keep hearing so much about?”

And Arthur be like:

Wolf goes to shake his hand, uncaring for the paint on his palm as she touches him, introducing herself.

She then points to her building and says, “I’m the new Animal Science teacher, the one taking over the neighboring building?”

And Arthur is just like oh yes right right, Dutch mentioned this.

He’s very awkward, flushed and stuttering and rubbing at his neck. But Wolf doesn’t react or judge his nerves.

She smiles at him and tells him “well, I’m getting a look at the place, and I’m moving most of the stuff in tomorrow...” and she pauses, looking Arthur over, “And you know, I think you’d be perfect for helping me, if you could.”

And Arthur’s thirst now be like:

Ofc he agrees to assist Wolf with her move, and she bids him goodbye.

While some are jealous, the students notice Arthur’s reaction and they are IMMEDIATELY invested.

Arthur tries to ignore them, but he can’t get helping Wolf out of his head.

The following day Arthur doesn’t exactly have classes. In fact, it’s supposed to be his day off, but your word is your word and it really isn’t a bad incentive to have someone like Wolf being the one you owe it to.

Still, when he shows up in a worn Johnny Cash shirt and jeans, Wolf is happy to see him.

She’s dressed in sweats and a v-neck and OOF she looks like art in anything.

“Oh thank god you’re here,” she says, “I have a ton of tanks to set up and I need the extra arms.”

“Tanks?” Arthur questions.

“Yes. I have a few animals that I brought here for my class. I have u-haul behind the building— I would be grateful if you helped me unload!”

Arthur, internally: there is another load I could give you but alas I am gentleman first and awkward man second.

Nevertheless, Arthur helps Wolf get her items. He see some vivariums and other enclosures, and he scowls at her supplies, not recognizing any of it for what it is.

“Uh, what’s all this stuff for?” he slides one tank that’s taller than it is wide onto a counter, and he looks inside, taking in the sight of the bromeliads and moss, “You grow plants?”

“That’s my crested gecko’s enclosure!” Wolf chirps, and to Arthur’s surprise, he finds Wolf coming close to him, their shoulders brushing as she unlocked her phone, showing the art professor her lock screen of some lizard, “This is her! This is D’or!”

“D-D’or?” Arthur fucking BUTCHERS the name and almost slaps himself in the face.

Wolf chuckles, “It’s French for golden. She was my first reptile, and she’s the reason I went into animal science as a profession.”

Arthur blinks, “... first reptile?”

“I own others. Another crestie, a leopard gecko, a beardie, a ball python—“

“A python???”

Wolf laughs, “scared of snakes?”

“N-No, just... ain’t big, is it?”

“No. It’s a boy, so he’s smaller. Just a regular too, nothing fancy. Didn’t want to risk getting a morph and end up with something akin to the spider wobble.”

Blinking, Arthur hums, “I’m gonna pretend I just understood what you said...”

“You’re cute,” Wolf tells him, and Arthur??

He be like:

“Come on, there’s a few more things to grab,” Wolf ushers them to the door, and Arthur just follows after her.

While offloading a few more tanks, Wolf makes small talk. She asks about Arthur and his course, and she seems interested.

“I took IB art in high school,” she mentions casually, “Just didn’t pursue anything with it.”

“Really?” Arthur asks, shocked.

“Yeah, animals are more of my thing... but you seem to really love it.”

“Yeah,” he hums, “I do...”

Arthur gets to tell Wolf about what his kids are currently studying— from watercolor techniques to pottery glazes and masking making in Africa.

Wolf seems genuinely interested as they finish emptying her u-haul, and as she closed the tailgate, she smiles at him.

“You know, I need to check your building out. See what you have going on over there. Sounds so cool!”

Arthur blushes, “Y-Yeah... I need to learn more about what you do. Not just for the sake of offerin’ up better conversation, just that... seems cool too.”

Wolf beams at him, “Well, you’re welcome any time... But, I couldn’t have gotten my room set up today without you. You’re a life saver!”

Arthur smirks, ducking his head, “I dunno ‘bout that...”

“Well, I owe you,” Wolf tilts her head at him, smiling ruefully, “What do you say about having dinner together?”

Arthur blinks. Dinner?

We hydratin’ now bitches—

“Oh... I’d... I’d love that.”

“Me too,” Wolf hums, “Do you have any classes later today?”

Shaking his head, Arthur replies, “No. it’s my off day.”

Lightly striking his bicep, Wolf gapes, “Arthur Morgan! Don’t tell me you came on your off day to help me out!”

“Well, when a pretty woman asks you for your help, you don’t say no.”

Wolf smiles with some heat his way, and she crosses her arms over her chest.

“Well, guess I owe you something more than just a dinner.”

Feeling brave, Arthur comes a step closer, “And what would that be, miss? Got another idea of a meal for me?”

“You ass!” Wolf playfully hits his bicep again, but they both laugh.

However... she doesn’t deny it.

“Well, since you’ve been so kind to me today, where would you like to go?”

Smiling, Arthur replies: “With you on my arm, sweetheart? Really don’t matter to me.”

They have dinner and maybe SOME OTHER THINGS and it quickly becomes known that the art and animal science professor have a thing.

Wolf heard about the Ponyboy nickname but Arthur cannot fess up to why it’s a thing. Karen, the business professor, tells her and Wolf can’t stop laughing.

At one point, Arthur uses D’or for a live reference in an art project.

Wolf also catches a wild corn snake that was enjoying the warmth of his kiln in his art room and helped to properly relocate it. (Arthur did not scream, he yelled, okay?)

Arthur may or may not have sketched Wolf a couple of times. (He has. They’re in his sketchbook at home.)

Wolf may or may not have gotten him the new set of paintbrushes he uses during lessons. (She totally did. He didn’t want to spend any of the class’ budget on himself.)

Either way, they’re a package deal, and everyone ships that shit like UPS baby. ;)

[violentviolette]

21 Questions

RULES: Simply answer the following 21 questions and then tag 21 (or however many) people you’d love to get to know more!

Tagged by: @sociopathheart thank u gorgeous

1. Name/nickname: jack

2. Zodiac sign: pisces sun, cancer moon, sag rising

3. Height: 5’2

4. Hogwarts house: slytherin, as if that was glaringly obvious lol

5. Last thing I googled: mr krabs lmfao i was at work and drawing spongebob characters with chalk outside with the girls because theyre 6 so theyre super into spongebob. i got through spongebob, patrick, squidward, and plankton before i had to google what someone looked like tho so i count that as a win

6. Favourite musicians: rn its probably hozier. love that wild haired bog man.

7. Last song I listened to: something by billie ellish, i downloaded her album last week so ive been going through it

8. Song stuck in my head: nothing right now surprisingly

9. Followers: 1,239 which is genuinely insane to think about because like. i should not have that many ppl that voluntarily sign up to hear my garbage thoughts.thats nuts

10. Following: 477

11. Amount of sleep: i try really hard to get over 6 hours, it doesnt always happen but it definitely makes a difference and i pay for it if i dont.

12. Lucky number: 4 and 17

13. What I’m wearing: boxers and a tshirt that says “please not today.” im also sitting under a blanket patterned like sailor moons bed sheets and its so. fucking. soft. 

14. Dream job: absolutely nothing. i dont want to work and there is no for profit labor that i would ever enjoy performing. i want to live in my house and do what i want when i want with my very limited time in this existence. i dont care about making money or being successful. i dont have a passion that i would ever be happy monetizing like my art or my craftsmanship. i want to exist without having to “work” in a traditional capitalist sense, my dream job is no job.

15. Dream trip: anywhere. i love traveling and ill go anywhere at the drop of a dime. im always in for travel, my go bag is perma packed

16. Favourite food: cheese, literally anything with cheese in it i will eat. ive survived on cheese for weeks (not recommended but it will keep u alive) and like i could legit never get sick of it. which has been my biggest hurdle with the whole IBS diet changes. hard cheeses are still okay in moderation but i cant even smell goat cheese anymore and i used to eat that shit on the daily. alas. just another thing on the long long list of ways my body has betrayed me

17. Instruments: i used to play the flute in high school because of fucking course i was that asshole gay guy in the flute section, but i doubt i could still play now. at the very least the lip ring would be a major mechanical issue and i dont think the tongue ring would help things either

18. Languages: english, spanglish, and like, the tiniest bits of japanese and german

19. Favourite songs: taste of ink by the used, dark star by james young, it will come back by hozier

20. Random fact: i really love the water and im a fairly decent swimmer. i was on my schools swim team as a kid and did some competitions before realizing i wasnt at all competitive and that i fucking hated pressure and proceeding to never do that again

21. Aesthetic: lots of teeth, wings, long pointy black fingers, messy hair, garbage trash punk, 90′s grunge, nyc, raccoons

i dont even think i know 21 ppl so like im just gonna tag as many mutuals and followers as i can think of in this moment but hey if u see this and wanna do it just say i tagged u

@willowenigma @of-suns-and-guns @seanicus-prime @captainkiwitheboobian @h-oney-b-ones @azonus @sappholactone @manie-sans-delire-x @sternbeere @ukrainyan @coffin-bird @foxy-mulder @rococokara @gunpowderecho @chubby-elf-hux @anamorph-marco @ayghe @nogitsunewraps

[this-ginger-has-no-soul]

Not my child

Request: A Peter Parker x reader where you are Tony Stark's daughter and IronGirl and also trained by Black Widow and after the civil war you and Peter start spending a lot time together but when Tony sees the two of you kissing for the first time and he no longer wants you two together and Peter listens to him because he wants Tony to stay his mentor but eventually it becomes to much and shows up outside your window throwing rocks and apologizes ib the end he takes you swinging through the city please

Warnings:

  "Tony," Nat approaches the brunette, her arms folded over her chest, gaze as cold as ice. "Have you been keeping track of your child?"

   "Well...last time I checked they were up in their room, safe and sound, were the not?" Tony looks up from his experiment, a light twinkle to his eyes and a small smirk upon his lips. 

  "Mhm," Nat nods her head, her foot beginning to tap impatiently. "Did you also know that they're two hours late for training because you're- you're spiderling is up there with them?" 

  "Spiderling? Nat, what're you talking-" Tony's sentence stutters to a halt as everything comes together, finally connecting in his over worked mind. "Peter's up there?" Tony nearly yells, fist clenching around the wrench he'd been working with. Nat smirks and nods, taking a step back from the table to let Tony book it upstairs towards (Y/N)'s room.

   "They're supposedly studying but I wouldn't be surprised if they were up to something mor-" 

  "Don't you dare finish that sentence," Tony's red with anger, a kind of anger Nat had never seen before. 

  "Sorry," Nat mutters as Tony stomps out of the lab, not even bothering to take the elevator as he continued to stomp up the stairs. It took him less than a minute to reach (Y/N)'s room, nearly bust the door open and find (Y/N) and Peter quickly breaking apart from an impromptu kiss. 

  "What the hell Parker?" Tony glared at Peter, his gaze so intense it was almost hard to look at. "I trusted you to train with (Y/N), not end up in their bed, making out with them-" 

  "Mr. Stark, sir, I'm really sorry-" 

  "I don't want to hear it," Tony growled menacingly, "Now get out of my tower before I call your Aunt," (Y/N) shared a sympathetic, apologetic look with Peter before he grabbed his bag and books and rushed out the door. "Studying huh?" 

  "Dad, we were, I promise-"

   "So, not only are you ditching your training sessions but you're not  studying-" 

  "But we were!" 

  "And you go behind my back to date Peter?" 

  "Dad, we were going to tell you soon but we-"

   "No," Tony shakes his head, eyes closed in agitation.

   "I don't want to hear your accuses. What I do want you to do however is go down and train with Nat, 2 hours at the least,"

   "I have a book report to type!"

   "Go train with Nat now, no discussion," Tony growled once again, his tone shocking (Y/N) enough to get them up and out of bed. Of course they gave him a  sorry look on the way out but as this point he was far too angry to care. 

  It had been a few hours since Tony blew up at (Y/N), he'd had a few beers, took his frustrations out on one of his suits and truthfully he was feeling much better now, except for the part when he made (Y/N) train with an angry Nat and completely fucked up their studying time. 

  He knew it would be wise to leave (Y/N) alone, let them brood for a bit longer before he went and talked to them but the alcohol within him decided that now would be a great time to go check up on his child.

   Tony slowly made his way towards (Y/N)'s door, lip tugged between his teeth as he heard (Y/N) viciously typing away on their keyboard to finish their report. 

  "Hey there," Tony whispered as he knocked on their doorframe,smiling at them to the best of his abilities. 

  "Hey," (Y/N) replied, not eve looking up from their computer screen as they continued typing. 

  "So uh...what're you doing?" 

  "That book report, the one that's due in half and hour," (Y/N)'s tone was cold, making Tony flinch slightly. "Oh, and completing those stupid shield files that Fury wanted me to fill out. Guess I'm a little behind since Nat made me train for three hours instead of two," (Y/N) looks up, gaze just as cold as their voice as they glared at Tony. Their eyes were red and puffy from crying, lip drawn into a permanent scowl. "Are you here to harass me some more?" 

  "(Y/N), I didn't mean to-" 

  "I'm really tired and I'd appreciate it if you left," (Y/N) casts Tony one last glare before returning to their work, fingers moving across the keyboard effortlessly. 

  Tony realized his mistake, he really should've given (Y/N) more time to brood but alas the alcohol had thought differently. 

  "Okay..." Tony whispers a bit, his tone deflated and full of guilt. "I'll be downstairs if you need me," And with that and an acknowledging hum from (Y/N) Tony settled back downstairs. 

    Peter paced up and down his bedroom, gnawing on his nail impatiently. It had been two weeks since he last saw (Y/N) and to say he was in hell was an understatement. 

   He hadn't realized just how much of his time was occupied with (Y/N), they did homework together, they went shopping together, hell, (Y/N) would even tag alongside on missions and now he had had zero contact in two weeks. 

  At first he thought his loyalty to Tony would win out, he did help build the spiderman after all, but he soon found his need for (Y/N) slowly surpassing his loyalty. All he wanted to do was curl up beside (Y/N), watch a movie together, talk, laugh, just spend time with each other, that's all he wanted. He wanted it so bad that for the last hour and a half he hadn't been able to sleep. He had gnawed his nails down into nubs, his hair was thoroughly knotted and greasy  from the amount of  times he'd run a hand through it.

   God, he missed them so much, he just wanted- needed them by his side, even if it was only for a few minutes. But of course, Tony wasn't just going to let him walk back through the doors, that'd be crazy. He'd have to find another way in. Perhaps through the vents, the top of the tower, perhaps a window? Peter thought and thought about it until suddenly, the greatest idea of his life popped into his head. 

  "(Y/N)!" Peter hissed as he threw pebbles at (Y/N)'s window, a few small ones he had collected before scaling up Stark Tower at three in the morning. "(Y/N)! wake up!" Peter was just about to throw another small pebble when the window suddenly opened, nearly sending Peter toppling inside the tower. 

  "Peter?" (Y/N) rubbed at their eyes as they look at the spider clad suit boy. "It's three in the morning, what're you doing here?"

   "I missed you," Peter supplies quietly, a little blush quick to rise to his cheeks. "I missed you a lot," 

  "You're the one who walked away that day," (Y/N) supplies quietly, unable to suppress their snarkiness. 

  "And I regret it everyday," Peter replies, his expression so earnest looking. "I haven't been able to sleep right for the last couple of weeks knowing that I left you hurting,"

   "I'm sure there's someway you could make it up to me," (Y/N) looks at Peter, smirking lightly. 

  "Yeah?" Peter smiles, unconsciously leaning closer to (Y/N) as he does. 

  "Oh yeah," 

  Peter and (Y/N) sat on some rooftop of some business office, the view overlooking nearly all of New York. Both parties happily munched away on some tacos they had found whilst swinging through the city (apparently the vendors never slept), their gazes glued to the rising horizon. 

  "I really did miss you," Peter whispers as he reaches over, wrapping an arm around (Y/N) to tug them closer to his body. "And I really do regret leaving that day-" 

  "Peter," (Y/N) smiles, a sweet, sugary thing that had Peter melting. "It's okay Darling, the little spider tour well made up for it," Peter smiles and hums as he presses a kiss to (Y/N)'s head, revealing in the feeling of it. 

  "You know your dad's gonna kill you when he finds out about this,"

  "Mhm," (Y/N) nods, eyes closed, body relaxed as Peter held them and kissed them. "But this is well worth it," 

[pizzasteveofficial]

Here we go my South Park TFBW new kid sona

REGULAR GAME RELATED STATS

-Her name is Sarah Nac (cuz it wouldn’t quite be a sona if she wasn’t)

-She’s a Chaotic Atheist (She looked Jesus in the eye and told him that)

-She’s technically a Bisexual Demi-Girl, but PC Principal didn’t give her that option so she’s officially listed as a Bisexual Cis Girl. She is kind of upset that PC Principal does not define her gender or sexuality correctly but she appreciates him for trying to make the school more inclusive so she doesn’t say anything.

- Her parents might have been giving her medicine that inadvertently make her farts really powerful, but the real reason her farts are powerful is because she has IBS and doesn’t have the best diet in the world.

-They refer to her super hero sona as The Amazing Butthole, but her actual super hero name is Miss IBS

EXTRA CHARACTER FLAVOR IVE ADDED

-She is voiced by Kristen Schaal

-She is a big fan of Garfield and has posters and memorabilia of him in her room (yes Garfield the fat orange cat)

-She LOVES to sew. Why do you think she was able to craft all those costumes? She’s very passionate about sewing. Her basement is her craft room

-She also loves cosplay, hence why she loves sewing. She doesn’t mind making costumes for her and her friends

-Sewing is her passion, but she also loves other arts and crafts. She likes to draw or write her ideas in sketch books

-She enjoys Star Wars only for Kylo Ren, much to Kevin Stoley’s dismay

-She is a self claimed goth. She has all the gothic interests and her wardrobe would be considered pastel goth, but alas she has not been accepted by the goth kids as an official goth (she doesn’t drink coffee, she doesn’t smoke, and she doesn’t completely hate her life only a little)

-She’s actually very intrigued with sex, unlike most girls her age. She understands, however, that she is too young to engage in it herself. She also likes to keep this part of her a secret from the others. She stocks up on sexual education books and porn star autobiographies about their sex lives in order to gain as much knowledge as possible about sex. The more knowledge she has the better prepared she’ll be to actually do it when the time is right. In order to read this material out in public (especially at school), she has designed boring looking book covers for them so no one suspects anything or tries to get nosy in what she’s reading. Kenny McCormick is the only one that knows she’s reading about sex because of good observational skills.

-She has OCD of the contamination variety. She said her kryptonite was Crab People but really its bodily fluids. She tries very hard not to say anything about it to the boys so they don’t make fun of her especially since her super powers rely on her flatulence. She carries Clorox wipes with her everywhere she goes to wipe down toilets she needs to use.

-Shes terrified of Mr. Hankey and his wife. Having to selfie with them was the worst couple seconds of her life.

EXTRA BACK STORY IVE ADDED

-I’ve made it this way ever since I was into South Park in goddamn 1st grade, but she is the cousin of Eric Cartman.

-Even though her parents get along now that she fixed their relationship by making them tell her the truth about her existence in South Park, she still resents her dad. Not because he “fucked her mom” as Cartman and Butters suggest, but because she’s seen how abusive he could be to her mom. Making her cry, making her drink, calling her names. In a way, Nac misses the timeline where she chopped her father’s head off. She is extra vigilant on his behavior and makes sure he’s not being mean to her mom.

-Her father can kind of tell she doesn’t like him much, especially since she goes all out for gifts on Mother’s Day but Father’s Day she gets him scrappy presents and never makes him anything. Hell she even makes or gets nicer gifts for Aunt Lianne and Cartman.

-This treatment of him actually leads him to start fighting with her mom again, in which they finally decide to get a divorce because it was never working out anyways. Nac is happy about this, and chooses to live with her mom. Her dad was forced to move out of South Park.

RELATIONSHIPS

-She’s not very popular, despite her powers to gain lots of followers on social media.

-Most of the boys consider her to be “one of the boys” and often misgender her even though they are fully aware she’s a girl. She doesn’t bother correcting them as she’s happy to just have some friends to play with.

-The only girls who are kind to her and refer to her by her proper gender is Wendy and Bebe. All other girls shun her and don’t like her much.

-She had a huge crush on Craig Tucker ever since she moved to South Park. He started dating Tweek, which made her resentful of Tweek. When they started fightingand broke up, Nac was happy and thought maybe she could make a move. However, she was coerced into going to counceling with them because they viewed her as their “level headed friend” and in that she inadvertently repaired a relationship she had no intention of repairing. After seeing them get back together and being impossibly inseperable, Nac has admitted defeat. She is very heart broken over this and goes into relationship solitude until she’s in high school.

-She also had a crush on Henrietta Biggle, but the goths don’t accept her and consider her a conformist. Unlike with Craig, who had a friendship with her, she barely knew Henrietta so it didn’t hurt as much.

-Her closest friend is Scott Malkinson. He’s the only one that listens to her and empathizes with her pain. He’s also the only one to acknowledge her gender (idk if any in game quotes had him refer to new kid as a boy but those don’t count in my canon). He has a huge crush on her that he’s actually too afraid to admit until high school. In high school he admits his feelings to her and they end up dating and being high school sweet hearts. This is also great because he gets to stick it to Cartman cuz look now I’m dating you’re beautiful cousin and there’s nothing you can do about it I’m family now Diabetes is part of your family now. (Also I imagine him leaning in to cartman’s ear when their seniors in high school and whispering “I fucked your cousin” and Cartman putting his fists in the air and shouting “NOOOOOO” into the sky)

-She is also good friends with Butters Stotch, Jimmy Valmer, Kevin Stoley, and sometimes Kenny McCormick.

[guiltydesipleasures-blog]

DIL BOLE OBEROI: What is and what could have been...

*SIGH*

Here we go again with the asshole-meets-bubbly-girl-and-falls-in-luuuurve storyline… 💩💩

I have to say, I was genuinely super ecited about this spin-off since Om is literally my fav character of Ishqbaaz and I really couldn’t wait to see him get more screen time!!

Alas, that was not to be as we have a whole new show and I still haven’t seen the Om I feel in love with 😔😔

Now let’s get specific.

OM: I’m getting supremely fed up with this asshole being the ultimate leading man concept. Om was a character I fell in love with, BECAUSE he was anything BUT that. He was a super-sweet very-logical shayari-sprouting truth-seeking hippy-looking artist… who for a change did not give 2 shits about money, ego, reputation and family name AND … MOST IMPORTANTLY, he was not an abuser. I didn’t see this guy anywhere in DBO. Like literally… i didn’t see even ONE SINGLE CHARACTERISTIC 😭😭😭😭😭 GAH. Instead I saw a long-haired Shivaay in action 😳😳😧😧

My message to Gul: the IB universe does NOT need another Shivaay, since we’re still having a hard time digesting the first one 😒😒😩😩

GAURI (aka Khushi Kumari Gupta 2.0): She’s really cute, I’ll give her that. Like suuuuuuuper adorable 😘😘. Welcome to the fam girrrl!!! And honestly, more than Om and her, I can’t wait to see her and Anika interact more 😂😂😂 too much raita and womania for the Oberoi’s to handle 😂😂😂

But character wise she seemed a wee bit like she was trying too hard I guess. So it got kinda annoying at times. But I’m gonna give her the benefit of doubt since it’s like the 1st episode, it’ll take some time for her to completely settle into character without overacting. I felt that surbhi too had the same problem in the first few episodes of IB.

Overall though, I don’t really see anything new Gauri brings to the table. I get a very ‘been there, seen that’ vibe when I see her.

OTHERS: Kaali Thakur… aka Rahul dev from BB10. Lol. I thought he did a pretty decent job of making me hate him. Well done 👏👏. Also…did anyone notice his kanji aankhein??? 😬😬👀 Jhanvi 2.0 … She’s pretty…didn’t really see much more from her. Pinky 2.0… please disappear 😥😥 And random blind mom… um, hi 😓

Overall Review: DBO started off with a MEH. This show currently has nothing new to offer, in terms of characters or plotlines. Anything new they could have done *cough* Om *cough* now resembles IB 2.0, in every sense coz we now have a another shivaay, pinky, tej and jhanvi.

If 4Lions plans to keep things as it is character wise…. I dont think I’m gonna stick around for much longer coz i can get my daily dose of bad boy meets good girl in IB itself…. 🙁🙁

Fucking hell, I’m disappointed 😔😔

[izzpeng]

Unsent Emails

25/08/2016

To: julian.smith@jus.edu.bn

Subject: Surprise bitch, I'm back!

Dear Smithy,

First of all I would like to say, fuck you for telling me I wouldn't get an A* in maths just because I messed around in class too much. Second of all, I would like to thank you for being a fraction of motivation in my math studies. I have to admit, I liked you enough to study 10% harder than I usually do and for that you deserve a blog post dedicated to you, just kidding you worthless piece of shit who wont even dedicate your thoughts to me. But it's too late now, so you're very fortunate for even being mentioned in my oh so popular blog.

Thanks for being a great teacher/supporter/motivator/useless advisor/racist bastard/...friend. See you in the afterlife you dick.

With cold fury,

Izzati Azhan

To: roland.lopez@jis.edu.bn

Subject: God Bless the Lopez

Dear Lopezo Mighty,

You don't deserve a 'fuck you' because you knew my potential and only encouraged me day after day, with your sadistic humour and the quiet blazing fire dancing in your eyes which was the only sign that you're actually human. I'd express my gratitude in a 10,000 word essay but I'm sure you'll just read the introduction and conclusion and base my grade off those two paragraphs. But without your life coaching I would not have gotten A*A* for both my Eng Lit and Lang. Dare I say it, thank you for setting us a Date Wiv Des Tinny, those practice papers were torture each week but well worth it in the end. You are my spirit animal in all dimensions, maybe except in Hell where you'd be Satan but...

Stay Healthy Senôr!

With all my love (though you believe it is just another concept of convenience),

Izzati Azhan

To: beenal.roberts@jus.edu.bn

Subject: bust out the roti, girl its about to get some of this izzatikkamasala

Dear Beenal the Brindian,

I know I know, this time its a fuck me for getting an A and not an A* but Miss I was 3 marks of an A* if that makes you feel any better, it does with me! I actually don't feel that thankful towards you since I do feel I did hm... mostly all the work, I took the exam after all. But an email of gratitude to show manners and my kissing ass abilities can't hurt can it? So terima kasih for all the lessons you spent dramatically telling us your stories, sometimes even twice of the same one, thanks for letting me doodle in class just because you talk a lot of the time and therefore I am allowed to half listen. I wouldn't be the indian food loving person I am today without you, oh and almost forgot... of course thanks for helping me achieve that almost A*! Fuck the examiner for me next time will ya.

With all my beloved assets,

Izzati Azhan

To: andy.mcculloch@jus.edu.bn

Subject: smile at me wit ur eyes, nat yo mouth only

Dear Turquoise Eyes,

I'd like to get to know the 16 yr old you but my chance has passed. Inappropriate flirting aside, guess what sir! I got exactly what I got in the most recent geo mocks 149/180 and I thought the mocks weren't an accurate indication. I'd like to thank you for having beautiful eyes and smiling at me even though on the inside you be like "lol fucktard thats the most incorrect answer ever, like not even close." I enjoyed your classes and you're sometimes funny but not on purpose, more like weird funny yknow? I think you'd like to get credit for my success but honestly i learnt how to answer case studies properly through Ajmal through Mr Cook, so who is really my teacher here? Me. Because I taught myself to sought answers and techniques elsewhere but sure I guess you can have some credit, those eyes deserve at least a generous 5%. lol ok bye tq

With a 9 on the Ritcher Scale,

Izzati Azhan,

You guessed it, the wait is over! #gcseresults2016 was trending on twitter and the sounds of 16yr olds packing their bags, getting ready to get disowned by their parents was the most honest and lit af song this year (after Frank Ocean's Blond of course). I admit its always nerve-wracking receiving results, where a single exam determines your ability to understand (or memorise) a two year course. But I had faith that with my prayers and hard work Allah gave me the results I truly deserved, so presumably my anxiety was on the down low while my trust in God was at sky high.

Alhamdulillah I got 3A's 6A*, I was so confident I would smash an A* with Business and Art but alas the grade boundaries proved me otherwise. With three fucking marks off an A* in Business I was so irritated at which examiner marked my paper, not irritated to risk a request for a remarking though. And Art, I hoped for an A*  but instead faced it's less prestigious sibling, an A. I asked around of course, not trying to compare or anything but I just needed to know what the students who I thought was for sure going to get A* actually got, to my delightful (?) surprise they too got an A which led me to believe that scoring an A* in Art is no easy business. Business isn't easy either lmao.

To this, I must admit defeat to my mother. She's been on my back for my choice of Art as an A-level subject saying its hard to score high in Art, but my cocky ass just waved it away and dismissed it altogether. Doubt has risen up in my throat, threatening my artistic capabilities to spill out across the walls of abandoned buildings as grafitti instead of street art. So thats something to think about before Saturday Morning.

UPDATE:

I attended Enrollment day alone, my heart beating, my eyes watering and my mind wandering. I chose to do IB diploma, for many reasons. I am just so drawn to how different it is, I think of all the future local Bruneians who did A-levels asking for the sam scholarship then I imagine the MoE going through the applications like "Great a-levels, a-levels, a-levels Oooo IB whats this?" and I just feel like I would have a standing chance you know? It would also help me to mix around with more international students and prepare for the university life so when I do go to university Insyallah I wont feel vulnerable and small.

But I just feel like my mother is against me taking IB, like she's trying to be supportive by giving a tight smile and grim nods but inside I know she's not convinced and this all happened on the way to the Arts Centre which made me even feel more queasy. My Father on the other hand, gave me a genuine "Go for it" which helped me so much on every level, I just need the motivation, just that little push to help me get going, feed me a trickle more of confidence.

So I had a choice to approach either Duckling or Dickinson on my IB subjects, and okay Dickinson was full okay there was a long queue and I ended up going to Duckling because I really had no choice! hehehhehhehehhe. Anyway I waved the papers in my hand high above to indicate that I was next and he laughed and told me to come and sit, so naturally I did. He took a look at my grades and praised me and then circled my subjects that I intend on studying, giving me advice that I should only need Math Studies seeing as how I'm not thinking of a mathematical kind of career. He then said " blablablabla Youre subjects are a smart choice, I think you're good to go, Welcome to the IB program"

And that was the clarity I was searching for, that little- push.

NOT JUST BCS HE'S HIM BUT BCS I NEEDED TO HEAR IT.

Just before that, Brindian approached me asking me  about my business results and encouraging me to take that remark because I was three marks off an A* saying that theres no reason I dont deserve the A*. I was uncertain because sure it makes me feel so fucking good about myself and so very satisfied, but who really needs an A* in GCSE Business to get accepted into a University? So I made a face. The face. and She went "What do you have to lose?" And of course one thing instantly came to mind "Um money?" then she gave me a look. The look. So I said I'll think about it and apparently only 1 or 2 students got A*. The thing is I actually would get it remarked if my Art grade also got bumped up to an A* but I have no idea what Ms Stroud is trying to do by contacting the exam board?

So thats that, she asked me about my ever so popular brother. So I told him oh he did well, she asked about which university and I replied Leicester and I told her that Im actually going off and missing 3 weeks of school. Then she went "oh you know Leicester's my hometown, in what area is he living because Im there in December" and i was like wtf creepy. And she continued saying "Oh Imagine if we just bumped into each other on the streets" and I was going to say something awkward because like what the fuck right? But Mr Duckling was open and ultimately saved me and she gestured me to go ahead.

After that, Mr mcluck approached me well not really, well kind of but it was super fucking awkward because I was waiting for my turn with Mrs Krüger and he was on the table nearby and made eye contact and he smiled and I returned it and i was like fuck am i suppose to go over lmao so i slowly sat down while he came over to me. YAKNOW gotta play hard to get. SO again he asked me are you happy with you results blablablabla were you nervous getting your results so I told him that I wasnt as nervous because other people were like "oh my life is over" and he laughed and blablablabla just mostly nodding and smiling. Then he asked me about my brother's results hi ok 2nd teacher to ask about my brother cool. I gave him a vague oh he did well and told him Leicester University on 18th September and I added that I was actually going to send him off and missing 3 weeks of school. Blablbalbalbalabl then he finally asked about IB saying that oh great choice.

And Wendy told me that at the YC Mcluck was talking about me to wendy asking me what I got and he saying that i Was exceptional kekekekkekekekk fuck man his eyes are so blue, dont think about it dont think about. Did i tell you I had a dream of him as Ben Affleck like wtf, first of all why would I even dream about him, maybe it was because I crossed his mind like just the night before omg. but whatever. Idk that made me feel so good about myself. Then Brindian thought that Fatin was Hana and approached Fatin and Wendy haahhahahahah and somehow started talking about me?? Like boi they both love me so much, I wonder if Lopez or Julibear bear talks about me like that. Sigh imagine

Smithy: Shes a fucking pain in the ass

Lupez: Intelligent fucking pain alright

Smithy and Lupez: But she's our pain in the ass.

OMGGGGGGGGG I loved all my GCSE teachers and classes! like those were the best days of my JIS experience so far. Art was super chill, she let us sing out loud together saying that we were the only class who did that and that she'll miss us :(((((((( Smithy couldnt care less, he just moved on click like that. Anyway, hope everyone got what they expected with their results or better and just remember kids, grades DO define who are and where you'll be in life. lol goodluck fam.

Izzati

[jamiegibsonhere]

Boom Boom Boom Boom - A personal review of Liverpool’s 16/17 Season

I’d warn anyone who suffers from heart palpations or anxiety not to follow Liverpool Football Club.

Even as the reds were comfortably 3 nil up against a deflated Middlesbrough on the final day of the season, The tightening in my chest  could not end until that final whistle. I fully expected one of the seats in the away team’s dugout to morph into Dwight Gayle and come on to turn it into a draw.

But maybe that’s just who we are. We don’t do things comfortably, but would we have it any other way? Sometimes would be nice for sure.

As the dust settles on Klopp’s first full season in charge at Liverpool, thoughts inevitably turn to reviewing the season.

Would we ultimately liked to have done better given how well we started this season? Probably. Did we make the same mistakes time and time again against teams we should have skipped past with ease? Sure. Did anyone realistically expect us to make the progress to top 4 this season? I’m not so sure I did.

The Premier League has changed in the last five years. United and Arsenal are a shell of their former selves. Spurs can actually maintain a title challenge. City and Chelsea are well, City and Chelsea.

We’ve only finished in the top 4 twice now this decade and the former was thanks to a once in a lifetime season with Suarez hitting the absolute peak of his career and Sturridge proving his doubters wrong until his ill-timed injury later that year that has derailed him. I’m still convinced Roy Hodgson played him on purpose, the locust curse on our club he was.

It may enrage the older fans around during the glory years to say, but the Liverpool I’ve known since I was a kid have always been serial overachievers.

A squad that regularly fielded Glen Johnson (Chelsea doesn’t count) nearly won the league. Djimi Traore has a Champions League winners medal.

With the squad Klopp inherited what I’ve seen this season I can’t complain about. He’s turned Lallana into a key member of our team. Lovren looks comfortable for the first time in his Liverpool career.

Even a much derided Mignolet has just had the best performances of his time here to the point where you question whether he should be given another season to prove himself.

No one was happy with the lack of movement in the January window but apart from Klavan and perhaps unfairly Grujic all of Klopp’s signings have made a big improvement to our team.

There was every chance Mane could have been another addition to our rosters of disappointing forwards we paid over the odds for, but he’s been a revelation since that first day at the Emirates and with no mid-season trip to Africa next year just a full, injury-free (touches giant oak tree) season with him will do wonders.

How did we get Matip on a free transfer? His calm demeanour in defence has been exactly what we need an if Klopp could play four Matip’s in defence I’m sure he would. And I almost forgot about Gini!

Of course everyone Liverpool fan shouldn’t want to settle for top 4, but put it this way. It’s not a done deal yet but we’re on the brink of only our 2nd time in the Champions League this decade. We didn’t lose against any of the top six this season. Even without the January slump, it’s very unlikely we would have caught up with Chelsea.

Spurs lost the least amount of games, had the best defence and goal difference this season and still finished six points behind the champions.

If Klopp is seen as a long term project then to break back into the top four with an eye on the future is a good sign for me.

It’ll be another Summer of reading transfer rumours non stop in the hopes we’ll bag the right players to add the depth to the squad we need but there’s reason to feel like believers again to paraphrase the boss.

Looking forward to it all over again for the club’s 125th year. With that said, personal squad ratings time!

GOALIES:

Simon Mignolet – 8/10

One of the most surprising factors of this season has been Mignolet looking like a goalkeeper that can command his box, grab the ball from out of the air and generally not being the main cause for concern everytime he’s been on the teamsheet.

With his Liverpool career seemingly wrapping up with the introduction of Karius, he’s instead had his best season since joining and made many a vital save or clearance, perhaps in defiance of his impending exit. There have been plenty of comedy moments in our box this season but for once the majority of those haven’t been his fault.

That’s what you want from him. More of the hardman Mignolet, less of the feeble one. With that said…

Loris Karius – 4/10

The second best keeper in the Bundesliga last season, you can’t shy away from the fact that Karius has been anything but a disappointment since joining. Whether it was a matter of confidence or settling into English football, he’s never looked like the highly rated keeper we thought we were getting and it’s telling that after being dropped he never made it back into regular contention.

For a keeper he’s still relatively young and he’s the only person in our team that hasn’t benefited from Mignolet’s upturn in form which have kept any appearances to that beautiful hair of his getting windswept on the bench, but every top keeper in the world shouldn’t need an adjustment period. Don’t think he’ll leave this Summer but another poor season and it’ll be straight back to the Bundesliga.

Alex Manninger

 DEFENDERS:

Nathaniel Clyne – 6/10

I’m struggling to write anything more than a few sentences about him. In a team like ours he just fades into the background. He’s a clearly talented defender who can play well, but in the system Klopp likes to play, he has the pace but not the quick decision making or chance creation to be that deadly wingback who’s just as likely to score a goal as prevent one. Safe for now, but needs to prove himself more next season.

Dejan Lovren – 7/10

One of the players in our squad who has benefited the most from Klopp’s introduction, Lovren is far from the player who wasted that chance to equalise against Besiktas two seasons ago. With Matip he looks more comfortable than he has with anyone of his other partnerships and there are the grounds with Mignolet for the three to build a solid defensive unit. That said there will always be doubts about whether he’s good enough for a championship winning defence and I would expect a fully fit Gomez and another defensive signing in the Summer to provide competition.

Joel Matip – 8/10

Again, a free transfer, how? Matip’s been rock solid at the back since his move from Schalke last Summer and like Mane was a big miss during his injuries. Could possibly score a couple more of the occasional headers but otherwise no complaints for the man, especially when he said he didn’t give a fuck about Costa winding up before we trounced Chelsea last September.

James Milner – 7/10

Given that James Milner is still definitely not a left back, he’s done a pretty decent job in the position and keeping his place in the team at the grand old age of 31. Always a hard worker, he’s exactly the sort of squad player you want. His pace is starting to slow though and with competition for midfield places packed it’s difficult to see how he would make any transition from his current role. Like Lucas, he’s an elder statesman in a young squad that you’d like kept around to be a role model and occasional sub, but whether he’d want that is a different question.

Ragnar Klavan – 4/10

Much as Ragnar The Red is a great pet name for him, Klavan never felt anything more than a like for like replacement for Skrtel. We didn’t pay that much for him so if he moves on in the Summer, no big loss.

Alberto Moreno – 2/10

WHY DIDN’T HE PASS? Never was good enough, still isn’t now, offload to a mid table La Liga side as soon as.

Trent Alexander Arnold – 7/10

If there’s one huge gaping hole in our squad it’s the lack of home grown talent and by home grown I mean of the scouse variety. He’s deservedly broke through this season. He wants to be Liverpool captain one day. He can play in a number of positions. Forget the fact he wasn’t even born during the 98’ World Cup, the future right now looks bright for the youngster and looks set to be a part of Klopp’s plans for next season.

Joe Gomez – NA

Didn’t have enough of a role in this season to say one way or another whether he was any good. Quickly reinjured himself after a long time on the sidelines. Hope he can kick on next season, but he could just as easily end up at someone like Bournemouth ala Brad Smith and Jordan Ibe.

MIDFIELD

Gini Wijnaldum – 8/10

The only ultra Dutch sounding player who’s name I don’t have to think that hard about spelling. Had all the signs of being another waste of money when he came from Newcastle but he’s been the hybrid car engine of our squad this season, quietly doing his job for most of it but occasionally hitting the woodwork for fun or scoring worldies like he did against Boro. Plus who can’t like the guy with a grin like that.

Philippe Coutinho – 9/10

It’s no coincidence that every rumour of a move to Barcelona is now taken with extreme worry. He’s 25 next month and he’s about to hit the absolute peak of his career. I feel like the magician tag is a bit forced but overall he makes the most contribution to this team and despite his slow return after injury he’s been vital in the run in for that top 4 position. Second best grin after Gini’s.

Jordan Henderson – 8/10

Hard to have any complaints about the man. He’s done his part, scored his once a season worldie along the way and seems to have settled more into his role as captain. The recurrent heel problems are a worry but he seems committed to the team and will no doubt work hard now to get back in the squad for the Champions League qualifier.

Marko Grujic – NA

Like Gomez, maligned by injury early on and then never broke back into the squad apart from a few appearances off the bench. Only 21 though so has another shot next season.

Adam Lallana – 8/10

Was on his way last season but has stepped up to be a vital cog in our squad. Runs his heart out for the team, creates chances, scores a couple along the way. Bish bash bosh.

Lucas Leiva – 8/10

Probably only this high for purely sentimental reasons but for all his flaws Lucas deserves to be a part of our club for as long as he wants. Never suited the role in defence but stepped up when injuries meant we needed him. Always someone I’d want as an option in defence and I have to wonder if he did end up leaving after 10 years it would only because Klopp couldn’t find any role for him at all next season.

Emre Can – 7/10

At times frustrating and at times brilliant, it’s hard to know where you stand with the guy. Has his fair share of moments but has shown signs in the run in that he is maturing and making his mark in the squad. Can’t fault him at all for that goal against Watford either. Beautiful.

Kevin Stewart – NA

Another one who has spent a lot of time in the U23s but not had as many opportunities as he might have liked. At his age he’s relatively old compared to the rest of the Academy crew so very easy to see him moving to the likes of Brighton or elsewhere in the Summer.

Ovie Ejaria – NA

Sheyi Ojo – NA

Harry Wilson – NA

FORWARDS

Roberto Firmino – 8/10

Lovely player who always dangerous and has the right eye for a goal, just needs to step up his consistency now. At 25 I would expect a big season for him next year where he should be aiming for at least 20 goals.

Daniel Sturridge – 6/10

Oh Daniel. What to do about you. Just as everyone seems to have given up on him he comes back and puts in great performances against West Ham and Middlesbrough. I want to believe there’s still a way he can fit into Klopp’s plans but with no confidence in him staying fit, it’s hard to see how. But would a player of his ability want to step down to the likes of West Ham or Stoke? Unlikely. He’s on the plane to Sydney this week but difficult to say whether that is a clue for the future or not.

Sadio Mane – 10/10

By far our best attacking player this season. Did exactly what you wanted him to. Scored a load of goals. Looked boss every game he played. Owned his price tag. If Klopp signs more players with the potential of Mane the future’s very bright. Just a shame that injury brought his season to a premature end, otherwise we might not have needed to play in a qualifying round to get back into the Champions League.

Divock Origi – 6/10

A man of two halves (of the season). He was lacklustre in the second half, but it’s easy to forget just how hot he was early on. That curved goal against Bournemouth.

He’s now had two seasons with us and with new talent likely to come in this summer, it’s on the Belgian to prove he has it in him to become one of Europe’s top forwards.

Danny Ings – NA

Don’t think Klopp would get rid of him out of pity as injuries have meant his career has hit a brick wall for two years now, but where does he fit in the team’s future plans?

Rhian Brewster – NA

Ben Woodburn – 6/10

Not quite as good yet as he is in FIFA, but like TAA Woodburn is a promising talent and hopefully can keep his forward momentum going with more appearances and goals next season. Plus he stopped the world’s most boring judas Michael Owen being our youngest ever goalscorer so it’s all good.

EVERYONE ELSE:

Jurgen Klopp – Boom!/10

Just be quicker to make subs next season mate.

Klopp Jr – Klopp Jr/10

Steven Gerrard -Future Manager/10

Jamie Carragher- Maybe don’t commentate on our games in future/10

Arsenal – europaleaguegif/10

The Ev – Koeman spitting his dummy out/10