#but I am still a little nervous

[myokk]

my first attempt at digital art (never again🥲) for mctober💘

Eloise Babbit✨

slytherin

5th year

favorite subjects: arithmancy & ancient runes

least favorite subject: beasts (animals make her nervous🥲)

hobbies: reading & thinking (IT’S A HOBBY OKAY??)

[legendoftherisingtide]

[intro]

Bakugou is a prideful, arrogant person. He holds himself to the highest standard; he is the best and everyone else is simply below him. Everything he has ever done was in pursuit of being number one, shining above the rest. He has to have a perfect victory, he has to be a perfect student, he has to win to save.

He pushes and pushes and won’t let anyone see his weaknesses or his insecurities. He can never lose, he can never fail, he can never show that he regrets or hesitates or that he hasn’t thought everything through. He must never be vulnerable in every sense of the word.

Then why is he standing in the rain.

To apologize shouldn’t be a sacrifice, but it is for Bakugou. To pour his feelings, to admit his wrong, to let down all of the walls he has built and be vulnerable. And in front of his whole class.

He is willing to sacrifice his pride, to fully sacrifice any superiority he could have, to bare his soul and even risk rejection. Because he knows Midoriya is more important. Because he wants him to come home, he wants him to know his true feelings, because he wants things to change. 

Because Midoriya has changed him. Midoriya has opened his eyes; by showing him he’s allowed to be open, that his feelings should be expressed, that he has so much to learn, and so much of that was learned through Midoriya just existing.

He isn’t sacrificing his safety frivolously because he’s expected to as a hero; he is doing it because he has grown. He is doing it because he has finally admitted to himself that he wants Midoriya to be with him and safe.

So I will sacrifice this for you. Not because it will change anything, as much as I want that I know that I can’t just fix all the wrong with just this. And I am willing to do as much as it takes to earn your forgiveness. But I don’t need that from you, not now and not ever if you don’t want that, I just need you to rest. I did so much wrong. And I am sorry for everything. You don’t have to do this alone. Lean on us. You are so strong and being supported doesn’t discount that. You’ve taught me that. 

I hate the rain. But I will brave it for you. 

He would do everything in his power, admit so many things, just to get Midoriya to take care of himself. We see him being the most vulnerable he has ever been in front of people that aren’t Midoriya. He does so much completely out of character, all in pursuit of being there for Midoriya. 

For Izuku.

He finally gets over himself and finally tells Midoriya the feelings he has felt for so long.

He lets go of this idea he is inherently better and finally acknowledges that his hatred for Midoriya has always been about his own shortcomings and insecurities. But he still wants to be better, they are still rivals. He isn’t going to sacrifice that part of him because that is just who he is; he is still going to push to number one.

But now it’s different.

There is verbal and vocal acceptance and respect. Before it was unspoken; their relationship had changed ever since Ground Beta. They were proper rivals, with mutual respect and care, they were actively making each other better.

But Bakugo finally verbalizes it and tells Midoriya, not only is he sorry, but he wants to actually have a proper friendship; he wants to continue to become better and earn his forgiveness. He wants them to push each other to be better, he wants to continue to fight for the top spot, he still wants to be the best.

But when did it become something else? 

When was the turning point when it started to shift from wanting to surpass Midoriya and be the best, to wanting to keep up with Midoriya and stay by his side?

Bakugou has already sacrificed himself for Midoriya before. His body moved on its own; with no hesitation, he would save Midoriya. He has already risked his life for him. But there is a layer to it that I don’t think people talk about. 

He tells Midoriya he shouldn’t try to win this on his own. 

He disguises his concern with an insistence that he’s in it to fight for himself when he initially joins the battle. But it is to fight by Midoriya’s side and support him.

But taking the hit for Midoriya, jumping in the way isn’t just support. This is sacrifice. This is giving yourself to ensure the safety of someone. And it was second nature. 

There are two reasons and both are a sacrifice of something in the moment.

It is knowing someone is so valuable, so great, in all senses of the word, that they must be protected. Bakugou is sacrificing his body and admitting that Midoriya needs to stay alive, for personal reasons and/or for the world. He needs Midoriya to be okay, Midoriya can’t fight alone and Bakugou will do anything to make sure he will be okay. 

But the sacrifice of ideology. 

With every development, he has relinquished parts of himself. When he sacrifices himself he is not only sacrificing his body but is admitting that he can’t do this on his own; he needs Midoriya too. This isn’t him wanting to be better than Midoriya, it’s him wanting to do it together.

Midoriya changed him.

He doesn’t die for Midoriya. He wakes up and just as his last thought was Midoriya, so was his first as he woke up. He runs to his side. People are dragging him back, trying to have him rest, knowing before he even said anything that he would lose his mind over Midoriya’s situation. 

Everyone sees how Bakugou feels about Midoriya.

He sacrifices himself because Midoriya can not die on him. Midoriya has to stay alive. Midoriya has to keep fighting. 

There can not be a world that doesn’t have him in it.

This is the culmination of what has been developing ever since the final exam where Bakugou finally works with Midoriya; the day that win to save, save to win was noticed. Then furthered after Ground Beta where they finally talked to each other and something changed within them both.

But the final sacrifice is the culmination of Bakugou’s character.

He knows what this decision will mean. Everyone screams for him not to. He knows that he is going to die. He knows he will not win this fight.

This isn’t dying for the cause. This isn’t just a hero complex. This is because he can help Midoriya and he will. This is for Izuku.

I will sacrifice myself for you. To give you more time, to give you even the slightest chance of winning. I will sacrifice myself for you because you are who can win. I am going to die. I am going to die and in my final thoughts, I will ask if I will still be able to be by your side.

It is no longer can I beat you. It is no longer can I surpass you. It is can I still catch up to you. It is can I still even be equal to you. He has already sacrificed the idea that he could beat Midoriya, that isn’t what he wants anymore. What he wants is to stay here with him.

I will sacrifice everything I am. I have wanted to be the best. All my life I have wanted to surpass you and everyone around me. But you. I will let that go for you. I let it go in my mind for so long now and I have never wanted to admit it. Is it even possible? Is it even possible for me to catch up to you? Is it even possible for me to stay by your side. I can’t be that anymore. I am sacrificing even that now. I will never be number one now. I will never become the person I always dreamed to be. I will never surpass you. I am forever sacrificing that now. I will die here.  

But can I still be with you?

The sacrifice of his life is him fully relinquishing everything he is, admitting that he can’t keep up, losing all of the progress he has made, letting go of everything that made up his character.

And the last thing on his mind is if he can still be able to be by Midoriya’s side.

He won’t let him go again. 

[ineed-to-sleep]

*me immediately after going through a terrifying and traumatic experience* haha yeah I guess it was rough but I'm fine now like I'm totally chill. It was kinda funny actually if you think about it

[halfapersob]

@atherix , a midnight scar for you

And yes, the canvas is upside down, no that was not intenional

[oneluckydragon]

✨🌸 Sunshine on your skin, flowers in my soul 🌸✨

🌊🫧Summary → In the midst of his reconciliation with Team Wish, Dusknoir begins coughing up flowers. This unfortunate brand of bad luck should be a cosmic joke. A spiteful punishment that the world has brought down on him out of malice, out of vengeance for his past deeds. A cruel, agonizing curse manifested with the single unjustified purpose of preventing him from realizing happiness, ever seeking redemption, ever righting his multitudes of wrongs and moving on with his life. But that's not true, and he knows it deep down. Knows it in the very core of his soul like the flood of petals building in this throat.

This is his fault because he is a coward, and that's all he has ever been. A backstabbing, lonely coward.

And now he is going to die because of it.

[AO3]

[CH. I -- Word Count -- 13,290]

🌒💫 Return → the act of going back to a place, person, or memory

[CH. II -- TBA]

[petite-phthora]

It's a date :)

[DP x DC fic]

[Love at first... murder? - part 9]

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Part 1

Ao3

---

Private chat nicknames:

RedHood = Jason

Danny = Danny

---

The next day, Jason wakes up with a yawn. He stretches, letting out a relieved exhale. That was one of the best nights of sleep he’s had in a long time.

Usually, the Pit’s bothering him, combined with hours of patrolling and fighting crime, usually getting injured as well, he usually wakes up sore and almost just as exhausted as he goes to sleep.

But now…

It was calm. He felt calm.

He didn’t quite dream, though that was fine, as he hadn’t had any nightmares either.

It was… refreshing.

Though, all of it is also kind of… unnerving…

All these good things happening?

The Joker finally dying, meeting a cute guy who doesn’t seem intimidated by him as Red Hood and taking him out on a date, the Pit barely bothering him, sleeping better than he had in years…

With all of that happening, Jason can’t help but wonder…

When is the other shoe gonna drop?

His good mood slightly dampened with disconcertion, Jason gets out of bed with a small grunt. He doesn’t bother to get changed yet, instead moving along to the kitchen to start on breakfast.

After taking in the groceries he has left, Jason starts making some simple bacon and eggs. He catches himself humming while cooking and abruptly stops, continuing his cooking with a small frown on his face.

Why is he feeling this… this… good?

Just what is happening with the Pit?

He’s not enchanted or drugged or anything, is he?

It’s all the unknowns that are making Jason slightly worried.

Are his emotions still his own?

He feels like most of his worries have been stripped from his body. He feels way more comfortable in his skin. He feels happy, content, tranquil…

He just feels so much.

…

But still no rage.

He eats his breakfast while he ponders over his newfound emotional state. It’s as he eats that his eyes land on his phone.

The Bats have probably blown up his phone with calls and messages in the meantime.

And the fact that he doesn’t feel as irritated or mad as he should about it is another point of slight concern.

Either way. Ugh, Jason still doesn’t really want to deal with it.

However…

After he has put his plate away, he picks up his phone anyway and turns it back on. Sure enough, he has too many missed calls and unread messages. And it seems that with his ‘online’ status, some are encouraged again and start sending him more texts.

Jason ignores it all in favor of doing what he had planned to do when turning his phone back on anyway, messaging Danny.

Just so that he has Jason’s number as well

…

And perhaps to plan another date meetup, he thinks with an involuntary soft smile on his face.

---

Private chat

RedHood: Hey, it's Red Hood. Just checking in and making sure you also have my number.

RedHood: In case of emergency, of course.

Danny: hi!! 👋😊

Danny: it’s Danny!! 😁                                     

Danny: which you already knew..

Danny: obviously 😅 😅

RedHood: I do now.

RedHood: Who knows, you could’ve given me the wrong number.

RedHood: It’s good to have the confirmation that it’s you :)

Danny: ahh yes!

Danny: good point 👉

RedHood: So, I was wondering if you had the time to meet again sometime this week?

RedHood: I can show you around the city, y’know? Like I mentioned yesterday? :)

Danny: !!!

Danny: yes!! 😁

Danny: that sounds like fun! ☺️ 🙃

Danny: and very useful 🤔

Danny: it’s good to know where not to go 😌

Danny: so I don’t kill another clown 🤡

Danny: haha

Danny: not that I’m like planning on killing another clown! 😰

Danny: no sir, there is no murder on this agenda!! 🙅 🙅

Danny: clowns or otherwise

RedHood: Haha, I didn’t think so.

RedHood: It was pretty clear to me it was self-defense anyway, don’t worry :)

RedHood: Even if it wasn’t, it was the Joker. So who, other than the Bat, cares?

RedHood: And it’s not like I can judge.

Danny: ah, good good

Danny: didn’t want my first impression to be being a murderer 😅 😅

Danny: that’d be bad 😓

RedHood: You don’t need to worry.

RedHood: You made a pretty good first impression in my opinion :)

RedHood: So, when are you free? For the meetup?

RedHood: I can come pick you up at your apartment again, if you want?

Danny: oh yeah that’d be nice!! 😊

Danny: and uhh, lemme check my school schedule real quick brb

Danny: alright, so I have classes till like 12.30 today

Danny: but I’m free from then on 🙃

Danny: minus like, time I need to eat lunch and stuff 😅 😅  

Danny: does that work for you?

Danny: I mean else I could probably do like thursday or something 🤔

Danny: if that works better??

RedHood: Today works just fine. And we can pick up some lunch on the way if need be. My treat :)

RedHood: I’ll come pick you up around 1 pm then?

Danny: it’s a date!! 😁

Danny: I mean sure, totally! it’s not a date!! 🙅 🙅

Danny: unless you want it to be a date?.. 👀

Danny: I mean did you mean for it to be a date?

Danny: is it a date? 🤔 🤔

Danny: I mean I don’t wanna assume 😅

Danny: and like

Danny: I wouldn’t mind if it was a date.. 👀

Danny: or if it wasn’t a date!!

Danny: wouldn’t mind that either, of course 😅  

Danny: I just wasn’t quite sure where we stood 😓 🥺

Danny: and what the context of the meetup was

Danny: ..?

Danny: Red Hood??

RedHood: It’s a date.

RedHood: ;)

---

Jason goes offline and turns his phone back off, still pointedly ignoring all the unread messages and missed calls from the Bats. He slides it onto and across the table in front of him and proceeds to put his arms down in front of him, resting his face on them.

Soft smile still on his face and cheeks colored faintly pink, Jason closes his eyes.

It’s a date…

---

Taglist:

@i-always-say-yea   @uraniumwizard    @why-must-i-be-like-this   @griffinthing

[yuseirra]

about marrying...

There was a magazine interview where they had Ai answer a couple of questions, and well, she didn't say no when asked if she had someone she wanted to marry. Seeing how she pictured a cute and loving family with Hikaru... I believe they really could have gotten married if things weren't this messed up.

[pyrosomatic-metamorphosis]

(end of bad’s Acceptance vod, about 1:48:30)

no but im never going to be normal again. LOOK at this. look. IMMEDIATELY before this he gave a whole miserable speech at the graveyard about how much he misses the kids and how he wants them to come home. He was grieving so hard it started to rain. He cried while he sang to them. It was the perfect end to 5 days of grieving- and then he does this.

and the rain isnt about grief anymore- the thunder isnt a peaceful background to a heartbreaking scene. It is rage. the whole context changes. The storm raged on while he grieved like he raged during the Everything Else that happened (“there are a lot of federation workers on today. I need to interrogate them about some things” he said while he was following forever ALONE to distract him. he knew forever was fucked up and about to put more marriage pressure on him and for anyone else that would have been Terrifying. how could you focus on anything but that? but. bad was thinking about tormenting more federation workers)

i just!!!! its so good. its SO good its so scary its so good. bad hasnt accepted the loss of his children but he has accepted how far he will go to get them back. (he will do anything)

[brickcollector]

presenting at a museum conference tomorrow !!! (I get to talk about queer shit!!! and the archive!!! and women!!!! which is SO exciting)

[mayordea]

snippet of a miitopia poster i made depicting my team + my evil great sage. in the center is cirno, my protagonist. idk if i will post the poster now, the crossover might be too much. but i do like this portion of the poster the best. maybe i will do it and post it alongside a post of all the job designs i made for them.

[eeblouissant]

agh agh okay … i know I’m supposed to be on a break (and I have been! And enjoying it at that) but this little moment !!!!! I needed somewhere to scream about it quick because !!!!!!!!!! Do !!!! You see!!!!!! Dorothy’s face !!!!!!!!!!!

[marclef]

okay so uhhh. definitely wasn't expecting this any time soon. or ever. but unless my tumblr has been lying to me for 3 days straight then i guess it happened.

uhhhhh. thanks for 700 followers bros 👁👁💧

like. i didn't even see my tumblr get to 400. unless i've been hallucinating that it's been at 300 for the last month. am i going insane? maybe. but uhhh. that's a lot of people looking at me. kinda freaking me out a little. but thanks regardless i guys, it does mean a lot to me ✨❤❤❤✨

anyways. i die. nervous. some various rambling under the cut and in the tags but here's an artistic rendition of how i feel right now. enjoy.

so yeah. i don't know how the hell my follower count has doubled in like, two months. maybe it's the Fake Peppino Hugs? a lot of people have been wanting hugs after all. it uhhhh kinda makes me feel weird knowing there's this many of you. but i'll try to manage.

speaking of hugs, yes i've seen the new asks and requests in my inbox i promise!! i will get to them when i can, but for now i'm gonna try to focus on getting a couple other big important things done. mainly, a large Fake Peppino headcanon-related post i've been planning, and getting a few more characters up on Artfight before July.

and also.... i might be getting commissions up soon too?? i don't know how soon, but it'd be a way for me to get income right now since i don't have a job. or, if you don't wanna commission me but still wanna show support, i have a link to me Ko-Fi on my intro post as well! really any support is welcome, but i'm trying to figure out how to do commissions and pricing and stuff since it'll be the first time i *officially* do them. i hope you'll think about it though!!

but yeah, i've got a good few things i've gotta get done with, i'm trying to take things a liiiiittle slow right now though so i don't burn myself out fully. i will try to get stuff done soon though! expect that big Fakey post in maybe a week or so, and i'll update you all on other things that happen as well!

thanks for reading if you have, love ya's ❤❤💗💗💗❤❤

[akkivee]

mtc track sample~ i think what’s most notable about this sample is that

there’s change happening within juto’s force and it seems to be related to chuuoku

we have once again expressed how tired we are of chuuoku shenanigans

samatoki has been shown several times to have been moved by ichiro’s words and ideals as of late and it seems to have come to fruition here with samatoki seeing the block party and believing in a power that can change this shitty world

rio’s mates are ready to take down chuuoku once again lmao and mtc seems to want to stop them

[booksteaandtoomuchtv]

Burn The Ships (4/?)

A HUGE THANK YOU TO @snowbellewells FOR THIS INCREDIBLE ART.

THIS IS/WILL BE MATURE.

1 | 2 | 3 | AO3 | 5 | ???

Tagging: @anmylica, @deckerstarblanche, @elfiola, @goforlaunchcee, @jrob64, @kmomof4, @pirateswhore, @stahlop, @teamhook, @tiganasummertree, @undercaffinatednightmare, @xarandomdreamx, @zaharadessert(let me know if you want to be added or dropped)

A slightly hysterical laugh slipped out before Emma could stop it. Captain Hook of "Beware the Captain" fame was her mate. He was the one predator that sent fear through the pack of twisted, cruel wolves who surrounded Pan. She had imagined him to be terrifying, more unstable and dangerous than the wolf she just escaped. Early in her captivity, she'd considered trying to contact him, but Pan's wolves were too loyal to him to allow her to slip any notes out. She had pictured a terrible, crazed monster, more menacing each time his visage crossed her mind. 

The man before her was stunning. He was beautiful rather than barbaric. The leathers he wore made her stomach clench, but not with fear. Although, she probably should not have threatened him on his ship, in front of his crew. 

“Sorry for all the…,” she gestured as trying to find a way to indicate their entire interaction up to this moment. She blew out a breath somewhere between exasperation and humour. “Could we possibly forget every moment leading up to this?”

“I could live hundreds of lifetimes and still remember in perfect clarity the sight of you storming the deck in my shirt, love. It is not a memory from which I am willing to part.”

When she didn’t seem convinced, he continued, his voice soft and encouraging. “It is a beautiful thing, Swan, to be able to fight after being a captive of that little demon.”

Emma wasn't sure how to respond to that. Her cheeks were burning with embarrassment and she felt exposed in a way she wasn't expecting. Hook, no, she remembered now that he'd introduced himself as Killian. Killian even seemed a bit proud of her. But, what did he see in the woman standing before him that would make him feel anything akin to pride? And, why did Emma fear she could only disappoint him?

"I didn't have a plan, I just knew I could not go back."

"I understand.” And the pain behind his eyes more than his words made it clear that he did know what it was like to be held against his will, subjected to someone else's whims. She had the strongest impulse to comfort him in that moment. But, she wasn't sure how. Or if it was something he would welcome. Did he want a mate? Even if he did want a mate, she didn't know that he wanted her to be it. Did she want a mate? What did they do next? Knowing they were mates did not make them any less of strangers.

"Would you join me back in the cabin to discuss things privately?" He gave her a shy smile and gestured toward the hatch she had previously stormed out of. "There's rum?"

"Yeah, rum would be great." Perhaps it would ease her nerves and help her wrap her mind around this new reality. 

§§§§    §§§§    §§§§

Emma sat a bit awkwardly on the edge of the bed. Killian leaned comfortably against the furthest wall, clearly granting her all the space he possibly could in such tight quarters. She noted that he’d ensured she was closer to the door and the ladder and was touched by his physical reminder that she was not being held here and could leave when she liked. Granted, her only escape would land her in the hands of a furious and unhinged wolf, but she appreciated having a choice in her circumstances all the same. 

“Why are you here?” Emma asked suddenly. 

“It’s my ship,” Killian answered with an amused smile tugging at his lips. He continued, the smile turning bitter, “I had to finish a contract I…inherited from my father.”

Emma’s heart broke for him, but he did not appear to want her to try to soften the hurt in those few words. Instead, she gave him something she knew he wanted, “My ex traded me to pay off his debt to Pan.”

Anger turned his eyes to ice in an instant and a growl rumbled through him that sent chills up her spine. The strength of his emotion loosened his control enough that she felt his wolf. The brief contact was intense. She could feel the heat of his anger and hear the violence he was planning for her self-serving ex before Killian snapped the leash back on his control. “Sorry, the telepathy bit is going to take some adjustment. I don’t want to force you into any decisions, but I want you to know that I am not planning to reject our bond unless we agree that is the right thing for us both.”

“I don’t want to make any decisions until we are out of this nightmare place and we know each other better.” 

“I look forward to getting to know you, Swan. As for the other, I have a plan.” He pulled out a vial of black liquid from his pocket, his expression serious as he crossed to her and dropped it into her palm. 

She tried to focus on the strange liquid, but their sudden nearness consumed her attention. Her gaze was on the vial in her hand, but her thoughts were of pulling him into her, falling back onto his bed, and claiming his lips with hers as his weight pinned her to the mattress. 

“Swan.” Her name was a plea and a warning. She looked up at his face- his eyes burned with desire for her and his jaw was clenched tight. She should probably feel embarrassed that she’d blasted her daydream at him, but his reaction only excited her further. She leaned toward him, eyes on his lips, and slid her hand into the pocket of his leather breeches, depositing the vial and dragging her hand out slowly, suggestively.  

“Swan?” Killian’s voice was a broken whisper. 

She grabbed his coat and kissed him greedily. Without hesitation, he kissed her back just as hungrily. His hand cradled her head reverently as his tongue licked and explored, his hook was a gentle pressure against her hip. In his kiss were the promise of safety and the hint of an unfathomable love that was, somehow, insanely, directed at her. She was sure she hadn’t earned such devotion. Hell, she’d just tried to steal his ship. But at this glimpse of him, of his love, she knew she wanted it and feared it all. She poured her desire into her kisses, devouring him as he teased and tasted her.

He broke away, his head pressed against hers, as they gasped for air. 

“Emma,” he breathed, “that was…”

“I know,” she smiled. His answering smile was a beautiful thing. He brushed his lips against hers in a chaste kiss. 

“I want to keep doing this, I do,” Killian murmured, “but, before we do, I need to be sure we aren’t rushing into this. I want this, you, but not as a one-time thing when you’ve just escaped Pan. I want to be with you when you know you want to be with me.”

“I…,” Emma started to say that she did want him. The taste she had of him was everything and she wanted more. But, it wasn’t fair for her to pretend she was doing more than reacting to physical needs. She could not promise him anything beyond this moment. She could not answer the deep well of love that she felt in him, yet. She needed time to know him, simply being his mate was not enough for her to let down her walls and let him into her heart. 

“Ah, I see,” Killian said sadly, kissing her cheek and stepping back from her reach. “Whenever you’re ready, love.” 

“I am sorry, Killian.” 

“No need, Swan.” Killian pulled the vial from his pocket and held it up, between them, “This is squid ink. It will strip Pan of his powers for long enough for me to make one strike against him. His pack of lost wolves will likely be here tomorrow to get back what he believes I have stolen from him. My crew is prepared for a fight, but Pan is mine to kill. And, this is how I do it.”

“The fight is over me. You have to let me fight with your pack.” 

Killian studied her face intently, “If you wish it, so it shall be.”

“Thank you.”

“Of course.”

“No, thank you for everything.” 

“Everything I have to give is yours, mate,” Killian answered. Then, he went on deck to prepare his crew for the upcoming battle.

[solargeist]

majoras mask is my favorite game!! i love it sooo much

It’s really good !! I really love the aesthetic and I think it’s very different from any other Zelda game.

However also extremely difficult with no guidance or maybe I’m just a fool, I remember I tried to play it as a kid, but could never get far into it 😭

I always need a guide :P

But uh, the whole concept, the masks being souls that Link essentially is possessed by/piloting, is so good, it’s so haunting to slowly realize this !

I love Deku link hes so little : ) everyone is so mean to him : (

[quirkle2]

who wants zombie au writing. don't answer that ur getting it anyway (1.6k words)

His shoes knock against the old flooring of the house, wood creaking under rubber soles that slide over the woodgrain. He drags them a bit, lifts his limbs up no more than he strictly has to, and they lead him to the nearest sittable surface.

The couch is old and dusty and has likely gone untouched for months, much like everything else nowadays, so he watches the thin cloud of dust billow off the cushions largely with disinterest. He collapses into the fabric heavily, feels the whole thing scoot back an inch and hit the wall behind him. The sound echoes, carried by lifeless rooms, while he unceremoniously drops his backpack to the floor by his feet.

The breath he lets out is slow and methodical and born of pent up muscles, aimed at the ceiling where he rests his neck against the back of the couch and relaxes every limb one by one. It’s a process he forces himself through, if only to rid the constant ache beneath his skin.

Slow, sweeping footsteps meander around the room in front of him, and Ritsu angles his gaze down from his craned back position to look at his brother. He wanders, like he so often does—seemingly aimless, but there’s something procedural about it that he’s convinced he just hasn’t figured out yet.

Shigeo’s empty eyes crawl along the hearth of the fireplace, explosions of ash sprayed out across the red brick. His head tilts up to trace his attention around the angular lines of the television, hung on the wall and screen grey with dust. He flits back and forth between the roundness of the bricked mantle and the sharp edges of the screen, like he’s taking notes.

Shigeo paws the television. Four lines of muck are cleared. The zombie blinks, paws at it again with dusty, curious fingers. Ritsu watches him make a mess of the television screen in silence, blinking tiredly.

He almost closes his eyes, but he fights against the urge and moves his fingers down his lap to reach for his bag. His middle hooks around the loop at the top and he lugs it up and into his lap, where he unzips it and peers into the shadowy contents.

Ritsu fishes out the water bottles. He finds the one with the messy R scribbled along the cap in sharpie and takes a big swig of it. It’s warm going down, constantly insulated in a bag of old, sweaty clothes. He feels like he can taste the odor in it, but it clears the grain in his throat from stomping all over dirt roads today, so he’s still grateful.

He holds out the one labeled S to Shigeo. “Thirsty?”

Shigeo looks at him from where he’s crouched down to the floor now, inspecting the soot along the hearth. Unfortunately, he sees handprints in the black already, and when his brother reaches a hand out to take it, his palm is covered in soot.

He lets him have his fun and settles his own bottle back in the mess of tangled clothes and rolls of bandages. Ritsu rakes his fingers through their stock with no real purpose—he knows exactly what’s in here, and none of it is useful.

They’d been searching all day; Ritsu doesn’t really know how far they’d walked, but it had to be a lot of miles. In and out of stores, up and down empty houses, weaving between warehouses—they didn’t really stop for a break. Not when Ritsu can hear Shigeo’s stomach from here and he himself has shaking hands. They can’t afford a break.

Nothing, though. Not a single goddamn thing worth taking. A settlement must have come through here long ago and swept the highway. They’re in the countryside, where houses are spaced out acres from each other and there’s entire cow pastures between properties. And yet every house they’d seen and entered provided nothing.

Ritsu stares into the negative space in his bag where there should be supplies. His stomach cramps and if he smells another whiff of that godawful sweaty, bloody sweatshirt he still carries, he’s going to throw up bile.

He leans away from the open pouch, eyes wandering to his brother who draws… something into the soot of the hearth. His water bottle sits on the floor, abandoned and still unscrewed. Ritsu leans forward with great effort and a grunt, leaning over his bag to grab at the top of it.

It takes him two tries to get Shigeo’s attention, and one more for an answer on where the cap is. It’s then placed in his palm, covered in soot and also saliva. Ritsu swallows down the nausea that rolls up his throat and wipes it off with his frankly already disgusting sleeve, and screws it back on.

He leans back again, succumbing to the urge to let his eyes rest, and he listens to the very subtle swipe of his brother’s hands across brick. There’s birds outside, chirping, and even though it’s still very much a common occurrence, Ritsu cannot help but feel nostalgic about it.

If he ignores the awful hum of silence, and the distinct lack of an electric thrum throughout the walls, and the fact that this is a stranger’s couch and not his, he can almost imagine normalcy. He can almost say this feels like those quiet moments after school, when he settles on the couch and scrolls through his phone in a house that only holds him and his brother because their parents simply aren’t home yet.

He can almost hear the creak of wood from Shigeo walking around his room upstairs. He can almost tap his fingers on the couch cushions to the pattern of his brother making his way down the steps. He can almost hear the fridge opening, and the sound of milk being poured into glass.

Almost. But Ritsu listens to sharp silence instead, and he tries not to think too hard.

He drifts for a while, feels himself truly sink into the couch and let the cushions claim him, and he thinks about nothings because if he doesn’t, then he’ll lose it. He carefully sifts through the nothingness of his mind, through the passing thoughts that have no bearing, and he focuses on that, on the lack of substance. His head is too full of things that have too much substance.

He misses boredom. He tells himself he misses boredom—the complete insubstantiality of it—because if he lets himself think of what he really misses, it’ll drive him insane.

The cushions move, and Ritsu peels his eyes open and lets himself get pulled from liminal mindspace. The cotton in his head recedes, and he blinks, and then he’s swiveling his head to look at his brother who sits in the cushion right next to him.

His hands and the cuffs of his hoodie are smothered in black. Shigeo sits hunched, gaze still wandering even when there’s not much decoration in this house to look at. He studies the off-white walls, the chips in the paint, the holes drilled in where there maybe used to be photos hung.

Ritsu gazes at him quietly, chest instinctively rising and falling to match his brother’s rhythm. He watches the expansion there, under his hoodie, in the subtlety of the folds and the way they warp over the movement. It’s slightly quicker than what he’s used to, but Ritsu knows his brother’s heart rate is much slower. He’s felt it before. He’s listened to it before, with his ear against a chest.

Ritsu’s attention moves to his eyes, and the heavy bags underneath them, and the paleness of his pupils and the ghostlight of him underneath that. He stares into them, looks for stray, familiar thoughts that might enter his head. Looks for old memories that might shine through in the form of recognition when he sees furniture layouts, and candy wrappers, and ads for soda.

Ritsu looks for it all the time, that glint of familiarity. And he finds it, sometimes. And really, he thinks that’s keeping him going more than food ever will.

Shigeo turns his head, and looks at him. Sometimes, when his brother looks at him, there’s not much there. No substance, no anything. And Ritsu finds it a bit evil that he craves silence in his own head, and yet noise in Shigeo’s, and often times it is the other way around.

His brother looks at him now, though, with that comforting recognition. That growth of the pupils, that softening of the hard edges of his face where unknown stressors have gotten to him. Ritsu wonders what zombies get stressed out. He figures it’s the same deal with humans, considering they’re largely alike.

Ritsu wonders if Shigeo knows he’s sick. He wishes he could ask him. He wishes for a lot of things. Silence in his own head is one of them.

Ritsu swivels his head away and stares at the ceiling, if only to force the thoughts to pause. He studies the popcorn ridges above them, traces the peaks with his gaze. It calms him, gives him something to focus on. He looks for patterns in the shadows they make.

Shigeo shifts next to him. And then he shimmies down, settles into the cushions, and plops his head right down on Ritsu’s shoulder.

Static roars in his mind and his heart stammers. Ritsu swallows the lump in his throat but that just makes it bigger, so he clamps his mouth shut and breathes carefully through his nose.

The tears cut through the grime on his face. He plops his own head down against his brother’s, and lives in the noise.