#Local Weirdo wondering how the fuck this many people have decided they like his art of Frogs and Cats.

[marclef]

okay so uhhh. definitely wasn't expecting this any time soon. or ever. but unless my tumblr has been lying to me for 3 days straight then i guess it happened.

uhhhhh. thanks for 700 followers bros 👁👁💧

like. i didn't even see my tumblr get to 400. unless i've been hallucinating that it's been at 300 for the last month. am i going insane? maybe. but uhhh. that's a lot of people looking at me. kinda freaking me out a little. but thanks regardless i guys, it does mean a lot to me ✨❤❤❤✨

anyways. i die. nervous. some various rambling under the cut and in the tags but here's an artistic rendition of how i feel right now. enjoy.

so yeah. i don't know how the hell my follower count has doubled in like, two months. maybe it's the Fake Peppino Hugs? a lot of people have been wanting hugs after all. it uhhhh kinda makes me feel weird knowing there's this many of you. but i'll try to manage.

speaking of hugs, yes i've seen the new asks and requests in my inbox i promise!! i will get to them when i can, but for now i'm gonna try to focus on getting a couple other big important things done. mainly, a large Fake Peppino headcanon-related post i've been planning, and getting a few more characters up on Artfight before July.

and also.... i might be getting commissions up soon too?? i don't know how soon, but it'd be a way for me to get income right now since i don't have a job. or, if you don't wanna commission me but still wanna show support, i have a link to me Ko-Fi on my intro post as well! really any support is welcome, but i'm trying to figure out how to do commissions and pricing and stuff since it'll be the first time i *officially* do them. i hope you'll think about it though!!

but yeah, i've got a good few things i've gotta get done with, i'm trying to take things a liiiiittle slow right now though so i don't burn myself out fully. i will try to get stuff done soon though! expect that big Fakey post in maybe a week or so, and i'll update you all on other things that happen as well!

thanks for reading if you have, love ya's ❤❤💗💗💗❤❤

[iesorno]

We spoke to Adam a little while ago about his influences and inspirations and found his answers intriguing, so we decided to dive in and dig a bit deeper. We just kept on going with it all until we ended up with a mammoth interview going into every corner of his mind, from practice and accessing his creativity, to grafting to make a living outside of the norms of the mainstream.

I think it’s a fascinating look into the practice, experiences and the will to succeed that powers Adam, as well as a window into the wider world of underground creators.

WARNING – GORE and some SEX

You can find Adam here

webstore                youtube                facebook

  ZL – Hi Adam! Thanx for agreeing to this interview, hope you enjoy it. 

Let’s get introductions out of the way. For anyone that doesn’t know, can you tell us your name, where you grew up and where you currently live?

AY – My name is Mr. Adam Yeater. I grew up a swamp rat in Florida and traveled around a lot. I finally settled down in Arizona as a desert rat. I went from one Florida to another. 

ZL – For a little bit more background. You clearly enjoy underground and mini comix, so how did you first find out about them and what were you interested in before you started reading them?

AY – I discovered zines through the early Death/Grind Metal scene in the 90s. There was no internet so everything was done via snail mail. I used to get so much great printed matter. Demo tapes, fliers for bands, albums and review zines. I eventually started my own zine called Subliminal Message. We lived in Ohio in a shit hole little town. Trying to get high, fighting, reading comic books, listening to Metal, Punk Rock, Hardcore Rap and skateboarding.

I was a very industrious broke ass 14 year old kid. I found a way to get some of the mainstream metal record companies to send me promo stuff for their bands for review. I was getting stacks of stuff in the mail. The record companies were mailing backstage passes to me! My mom thought I was running a mail scam.

I once did a phone interview with Chris Barnes when he was in Cannibal Corpse. Chris called for an interview and my mom picked up the phone. He was like “Are you a fucking kid? Holy shit! I usually do interviews with old dudes?” We talked for an hour and half about Metallica selling out. It was amazing. I idolized these weirdos and was getting to just hang out with them. 

I did an interview with Cro-Mags right when the original singer got out of prison. I did an interview with Entombed for my high school newspaper! I even interviewed the Goo Goo Dolls when they were on Metalblade Records just for the hell of it. Those metal bands were my heroes. They treated me as an equal and I was this punk kid. They all encouraged me to keep at it. I was getting first hand knowledge of trying to make a living as a creative in American society from them. The good and bad. 

ZL – What did it feel like the first time you ever spoke to one of your heroes? It must have felt pretty excellent, right?

AY – It was awesome talking to those bands, it was a real rush. I would get so nervous. I got to hang with some of the bands before and after the shows. All these dudes just embraced me as one of them. I am super tall, so I looked a lot older than I was. I was also a big nerd for the metal scene so I was turning them onto all this other new stuff I was getting. I think they saw me as an oddity. Then we moved to Tucson where there was no metal scene. 

ZL – Is that why you stopped making your zine then, moving to Tucson?

AY – Yeah, moving from Ohio to Arizona. The scene was pretty lame in AZ. No bands would come through Tucson at the time. So I ditched the ‘zine and started a Grindcore band with some friends. We did pretty well for a local death metal act. We played shows with Napalm Death and smoked a ton of weed with Sadistic Intent, that was cool. 

Lots of drugs and drama, bandmates stealing from each other. . . even more drugs. It was a very fucked up time in my life that I am happy to have survived. 

ZL – At what point did you get back into zines and start to think that self-publishing comics was something you could do or that you were good at and wanted to do more with, to just keep going and going and see how far you could take it?

AY – After the band and metal zine I started printing my own mini comics and comic books. I really got into self publishing and art because I had nothing else really. My last “legit” job was as a janitor before I decided to do art and publish full time. I figured I would rather starve as an artist than starve scrubbing shit off toilets. Art is the only thing I have ever been really good at. So I just keep doing it. 

ZL – Circling back to get a bit more from your background for a minute, what first turned you into a comic reader and from there, did you move to be a collector or fan, if that distinction makes sense!! And where in all of that did you start making your own comics?

AY- I was into comics a lot when I was young as a collector and fan before I moved into extreme music. I was keeping up with the medium but was focused on the death metal band I was in.

After the band. I was doing paintings and fine art for quite a while. I had also done comics on the side but my fine art was doing well. Then the housing market crashed and nobody was buying art for foreclosed homes. 

Luckily I had been doing an extreme comic strip in the metal ‘zines and in the mini comics I was doing. I saw that a local comic convention had started. So I printed them all up and booked a table. I sold out of my first printing and a bunch of art. That is when One Last Day started. 

ZL – How did that feel, selling out of books like that? I’m guessing it must have been quite a boost as you carried on and set up an online store! What was the convention like, if you remember at all, did you have a good time there chatting and meeting fans and creators? A lot of people talk about how much the community at a convention matters to them, was that important to you at the time?

AY – It was a real boost. From that little bit of seed money I have been able to keep the ball rolling and have kept printing comics ever since. The comics scene in Tucson in the early 90s was really small and bare bones. It was me and like 2 other indie guys actively printing their own comics. I have encouraged and fostered so many people to make their own comics since then. Many writers and artists from the Tucson scene are now in the mainstream and indie comics system. 

The couple who started the Tucson Comic Con have been the best thing for our local comix and art scene. Rather than neglecting local and indie comics they embraced and promoted them. I was so lucky to be in a place where the local comic convention focused heavily on independent comic artists. 

I see kids that I taught inking classes to that are now publishing their comics on Amazon. Kids that now give me their books and thank me for all the support and inspiration I gave them. It is humbling. Before the ‘rona I was leaving 1000s of mini comics all over town instead of fliers for the last 15 years. It has exposed people in this town and state to my art and a world of comic books they never knew existed. 

ZL – Speaking of coronavirus, I’m wondering how much that has affected your income currently? Do you rely heavily on con sales or do you have a whole set of ways to get sales, which is a terrible way of asking that I’m really interested in how you generate sales for your work, what venues and sources and what sort of percentage of sales comes from them. Have you got a regular set of fans that buy everything, are you using email communications, just facebook?

AY – In today’s art and comics world every successful artist has to be a little bit Andy Worhol and a lot of P. T. Barnum. Otherwise nobody will give a shit about you. So I have a ton of different ways to move my stuff. The website is my main hub but I do small zine fests and shows whenever I can. I have been doing OK but had to switch gears during the crisis. My online sales picked up so that helped a lot. I also have new books coming out all this year. I think that helps too.

Comic conventions at one time were a really good source of income when I first started doing them. I was making great money. Every year it has become progressively less of a viable option for creators like me. The big comic shows are just pop culture festivals. The last few years a lot of the larger shows could care less about indie comics. Table prices and entry fees are way too high for a self publisher or upcoming creator to make any money. Especially out of state shows. Hotel, travel, etc. Because of this I was only doing smaller zine/comic shows and focusing on my online sales already. The virus was a great reason to really focus on my online presence. 

ZL – I first saw your work through a facebook group, one of the indie comics groups that sort of specializes in small press superhero and space operas, and I was wondering whether you think those groups help the creators reach more readers, or whether they are all more community pages as in it’s all people that want to make comics and they’re all working to support their own bubbles? (Obviously I’m exaggerating a little, they often have horror and then there’s oddball work that pops up, but there do seem to be a lot of big boob bad girls and massive muscles in some kind of genre thing. )

AY- I look at social media differently than most. I talk shit about comics on it but I have never used it as a political soapbox or a place to talk about my “personal journey”. I post my art and comix. That is it. I speak through my art. I like to “post and ghost”. I feel I am a healthier person for it. 

This year I have slowly been taking my art off all the platforms. They are not an unbiased purveyor of ideas. Like the original internet was intended for. Social media is making us all sick. Scientifically proven sick. 

I have grown to hate the self imposed censorship imposed on social media by advertisers and cancel culture. We as artists should have the right to dictate our expression by taking risks. Without having to worry about some simp nerd in Silicon Valley shadow banning or blacklisting us. 

These leeches profit heavily on ALL of us. Especially artists. They work to infringe on our rights and hinder our freedom to express. The platforms are privatizing our existence. Fakebook and the Twits are just digital emotional vampires. 

They should be paying you a fee to use your content and sell it to their stupid advertisers. They make billions off you and you know what you get, a little dopamine for that “like”. Wow, sweet trade off. Not!!

We all need to stand up in some way as artists. Post fucked up art and weird shit all the time! I wanna see a sea of artistically drawn dicks and vaginas. Shitposts, and fucked up memes on my “news” feed. Random acts of artistic defiance. We need confrontational art more now than ever! I want to see original artwork that pushes against cultural dogmas and shitty societal norms. 

Instead I see oceans of fan art and trash pop culture mashups. Useless e-rage and cat pics. Art without confrontation is just advertising at this point. 

ZL – Now, that’s an interesting one, because there are two sides to the argument on this and I sort of flop wildly between the two without any great reason. I can see why social media is not going to allow seas of dicks – they are easy triggers to SEE, so they’re easy to switch off to maintain acceptability, it seems pointless to me, but is important to a lot of people, so… There’s also the issue of managing genuine freedom to express and people posting images of tentacles raping 6 year old girls and how you manage to monitor that, so it’s just EASIER not to try and figure it and blanket ban it all. 

What I think calls bullshit on their motives for me is that they’ll censor that, but allow neo-nazi lies or channels where people openly spout homophobic, racist or sexist bile. There’s a stinking dichotomy there that calls a lie to their talk of community and keeping us safe from damaging content. 

I certainly wouldn’t want to have to be the poor sod that sifted through all of this stuff to check it though!

Pippa Creme and the Pearl Necklace – Dexter Cockburn

Equally, with work like yours or – to call in someone else I follow who is always getting bumped from facebook – Dexter Cockburn – who does some great porn comics. I see these things as being completely ok and not deserving of banning, but seeing cape comics and how innately sexualised and soft porn like the women are made to look, that makes me feel very dubious, it seems wrong in that context, as it’s so pervasive and so unspoken and clandestine. 

AY – Exactly. It is weird how the mainstream sexulizes it’s heroes. The guys look just as bad. It is a form of repressed erotica. I think it all looks so funny. Balloon shaped breasts or the massive man bulge. There is a big market for that stuff so more power to them. 

It just seems erotica in comix is ok for some and not others. The censorship online is selective. Dexter is a comix friend of mine and a great example. The guidelines are so ambiguous and filled with jargon it becomes nonsense. 

I totally get censorship for criminal reasons. That is a no brainer. What I saw was not that. 

I saw the platforms actively destroy the online followings of some extreme horror artist’s I was following. Some of us had built large fan bases on Myspace and brought our fans over to FB with us. When FB started shutting accounts down it crushed a lot of those artist’s online communities and sales. A lot of artists had to start all new accounts with different names causing them to lose 1000s of followers. Some just gave up or stopped posting extreme art all together. They are still doing it to some of the Ero Goro artists from Japan. It is really fucked up.

ZL – That’s part of the curse and benefit of social media though, they give and then they take away when you’ve made them successful. I do wonder what we can do about that though, maybe they should migrate back to Myspace, maybe the whole retreat to mailing lists is the answer? I don’t know, we need community spaces but we need them to not go dark and end up being hiding places for crime or the dark web. What do you do about it, eh? Maybe you should start curating work into new mail lists and have link sites for different peoples’ interests!!

AY – I like that idea. I have always wanted to do a monthly brochure of underground creators. Like a double sided mailer. I might do one for the Smalll Press Express to hand out at shows. Getting the word out is why I do the YouTube channel. Nobody is shedding light on the best part of comics. The odd, voiceless, strange and marginalized. I think anything that promotes the underground scene and unites indy comic artists is good. I feel every little thing helps. We are all in this sinking ship together. The mainstream comics people keep poking holes in the boat. The indy creators have to keep bailing it out.

ZL – Moving on from that unanswerable conundrum… Is community important to you and comics? Is publishing and buying and communicating with other creators a way of building a place in the wider world for the kinds of things that you enjoy and the kind of things you want to make?

AY – What community. The comics community? 

It just saddens me so much lately. The internet and social media had so much potential to dissolve physical, cultural and social boundaries to our communication around the world. 

Instead most people have developed the attention span of a gnat. I doubt anyone will actually read all this. So I am just gonna lay it all out. How I see it as an outsider looking in.

There is a massive world of art and comics that is ignored in the west. It is where I exist as a creative. I work with toy making friends in South Korea and send comix pages to Artizines in Spain. Send instant messages to slap sticker artists in Japan. All in a few seconds!! This used to take weeks, even months via phone and mail. Many here just take this shit for granted. 

I had a “stick poke” tattooist from Taiwan ask if she could use one of my mini comic images in her little shop. How sick is that!! I live for that!!

I have worked with 100s of the most creative and amazing artists from all over the world. I have had enough love and inspiration from the global art community to last me two life times!!

  The American comics community is a weird story. My books sell well. My fans are awesome. First time readers always come back. I do really well at every comic convention I have ever done, even small ones. I have printed, sold or given away thousands of my mini-comics, floppies and magazines. All over this crazy earth. 

Somehow I have largely existed as an outsider in Western comics. Other than a few supportive cats in the southwest comics scene like Brian Pulido. I feel like they largely just ignore my comics. I have had a few pros refer to my work as ‘zines’ as a sort of insult. 

I started Blood Desert as a big middle finger to the whole corporate comics crowd. The main character is stuck with a permanent middle finger. Good luck co-opting that sucktards. 

When I complete the World of Knonx series I wanna only make comics that are a massive fuck you to that whole unimaganitive self indulgent English centric corporate comics world. I wanna make comics for shitheads all over the world like me.

Most of the comics in the mainstream indie world are leftovers from that hokey auto-bio movement. All of them are still pining over Crumb and Pekar to this day. 

Who knew making super boring comics about your masturbation habits and history no one cares about would be considered as works of high literary art. I guess it is an easy claim to make when the critics also work for the publishers of said high grade comic “art.”

That is just the indy crowd. At this point most people’s knowledge of modern comics comes from dopey stupor hero comics and movies that are made for mouthbreathers by ex-television writers. 

These books are made by “Professional” comic book writers that get top billing over a bunch of lazy artists. These are the same “professionals” who waste their time all day on Twitter and YouTube race baiting each other and blathering nonsense about politics. Somehow they can never seem to get books out on time or any real work done. Go figure. 

Can we all just agree that the comics Youtubers are totally obnoxious. Normal people do not care about all your dumb nerd drama. The “comics news” channels love to foment drama in the industry to make money off of more views. They live to promote division among creators. Mind numbing 4 hour live streams of inane political blather. Interviewing the same old industry jobbers about some dopey superhero comic they made 20 years ago. Effete dorks gushing jizz in their whitey tighties over their wonton nostalgia.

These formerly bullied nerds bully each other constantly online. Doxing, Blacklisting, Censoring, Attacking and Canceling each other. Bunch of grade school kid popularity bullshit. I want absolutely NO part of either side’s dysfunctional cult. These sad people must love to live in a heightened state of anxiety. 

There are 100s of amazing prolific working storytellers chomping at the bit to talk about and sell their titles. Why not interview and promote these creators. Artists who choose not to engage in either side’s petty childish games. Those creators are largely ignored or admonished for not taking sides. 

The industry seems to only want to dwell in nostalgia? A Nostalgia that actually hurts creators. I really wanna talk about Alan Moore. 

Let’s all wax about the greatness of Watchmen ONE last time and finally let it go. Watchmen is the comic book Alan Moore won’t even have in his house because of the disdain he has for the American comics industry.

Comics culture could care less about Alan. They talk about his work gushing with praise. Then they call the man a nutter behind his back. 

The majority of the comics press treated him like a clown and discounted his opinions at every turn. 

Watchmen, the comic they keep in print just so Alan does not regain any of the rights back. 

By promoting and working on Watchmen in any way they are all pretty much saying fuck you to Alan. It is just accepted by everyone. “Oh well! We should just keep screwing this dude cause we all really love those characters.” It is shameful.

Shall I go on about the other creators that were screwed by this “industry”. Seigel, Shuster, Kirby, Finger, Simon and so many more.

The House of Morons track record with creatives is just as terrible. It would take all day to list the Big two’s transgressions against their freelancers. 

All their Editors in Chief make millions while their freelancers get crumbs.

Or maybe there is hope in the price gouging comic book store owners. They did nothing but complain about Diamond and the Big 2’s scams non stop for years. Then they still lap up everything they do or make like pablum. Accepting and still embracing this constant abuse. Over and over and over. I wonder if the majority of store owners are into BDSM? 

Should I bother mentioning all the sex predators that the major comics companies have been covering for?

So now after a long career and all my hard work building a loyal following I am supposed to kiss ass and play nice as a potential artist for them. I am supposed to work on shit I don’t care about? I get to beg for a job doing interior pages for less than minimum wage and no healthcare? No thanks. I am busy building my own worlds not piggybacking on the stolen worlds of others.

The US comics “industry” is kind of a total joke to me at this point. 

ZL – It sounds like you are existing as part of a community though, maybe not an American comics community, but an international underground art community, does that seem fair to say? 

AY – I was actually becoming a big part of the community for a popular comics Youtube channel for a minute until I was excommunicated. The two creators that host the channel constantly espouse to be a bastion for indie creators. As Maury Povich likes to say…” that is a lie.” 

The channel blacklisted me because of a mini comic I did showing cartoon portraits of accused sex predators and general jerks working in the American comics industry. 

I am not part of Comicsgate or any other stupid comics cult. I am not a lecherous ogre who harasses women at comics shows. I am a boring family man who makes weird comics. I speak through my art not by posting constant drama online.

I made a mini comic that someone didn’t like. That was it. Instead of finding out my side of things related to the matter these hosts just booted the videos my comics were featured in off their channel. They also had admins remove my posts off other platforms related to them. I was blatantly censored by these “artists.”

So looking back I think it had nothing to do with that mini comic. They have featured sexually violent work like Vigil’s. My stuff is tame in comparison. I feel they were threatened by my output and my dopey little youtube channel. Which is laughable. 

I have worked tirelessly my whole career to support marginalized creators in my community and around the world for over 20 years. 

At this point I would rather work with the people who get what I do and dwell in quiet obscurity rather than work with these kinds of self-serving troglodyte hacks that are so prevalent in the medium of modern mainstream comics and the art world. 

Most of these “pro comic artists” are just glorified fan artists with a little bit of stylized skill. I think that’s why all their books are so derivative of all the other stuff in the mainstream lexicon. They dwell in constant nostalgia and their work is proof of it. 

I actually feel sorry for them. To have so little faith in yourself that you have to try to take down other artists is such a sad pathetic way to live. 

One thing you can count on with some artists and comics creators. Their egos are as fragile as glass.

Comics culture in the US is steeped in all this kind of nonsensical dogma. It has become an idiotic cult of reactionary clones with Youtube and Twitter accounts. 

ZL – Thinking about that wider world of community and how there’s always been an underground arts community and sometimes people travelled through them, often linked to universities or small art publications. Do you feel like that community is something that is now easier to achieve and to curate for yourself with social media, but it involves a lot of effort and commitment to do that and that’s why it takes those in a scene, those dug into that creative feeling, to do that kind of curation?

AY – I guess It is easier to find new stuff now, but there is a lot of oversaturation online. Lots of skilled but boring fan art. Way too much fan art online. 

All the crowdfunded stuff is pretty boring and derivative of the mainstream comics they say they hate. Plus there is a high failure rate. Very slow/low delivery rate on those projects that nobody likes to talk about.

I kind of wish the companies cracked down on all the IP theft at shows and online the way they do obscenity. Before the pandemic the comic conventions in the states sucked for indie creators because of all the fanart.

ZL – Yeah, that seems to be a big issue all round, but it’s also tricky as a lot of indie creators make bucks doing commissions of existing mainstream IP. I also think that the move from mini comics and zines to pop-culture sources and attempts to be as professional as professional comics has done a lot of unspoken damage. Yeah, sure, you get a lot of a crowd, but how many are BUYERS?

AY – That is why I stopped making any kind of fanart about 15 years ago including commissions. I think fan art and commissions are a crutch for artists to lean on.

To me it shows a lack of ability to tell stories or have faith in their own creations. They are too afraid to go all in and only make and sell their own comics. They wanna draw cool spidey pin-ups not tell stories with art. There is a huge difference between the two kinds of artists.

The best Mangaka spend their whole careers telling these long form epic stories. We should aspire to that aesthetic not do a bunch of cool variant covers. 

It is easy to draw an existing IP. The design and imaginative work was done for you. You are just a human copy machine. It takes a lot of time and faith to go all in on your own ideas. I think a lot of artists try it and just give up and fall back on selling fan art at shows.

I do great at shows without any fan art. You don’t need it. I think selling fan art actually hurts indie creators. They are selling books for our competition. 

If you just offer people something new and different and work hard to sell that work they will buy it. I offer people something that is unique. Not just another Deadpool print or sketch.

ZL – Do you see yourself as part of a comics lineage, either style or approach wise? Do you feel it’s important to leave your own mark on the world, hence the making of items rather than posting online, or are you interested in building a space for now or are you trying to just get out what needs to be got out to keep your brain quiet?

AY: Comics lineage is less of a thing now because of oversaturation in the medium. Everyone can make and print their own comics now. So the key is to have your own style of storytelling. I don’t like the autobio comics genre but at least they know how to tell a story. 

That’s why I think physical media is still very important. An artist is not curtailed by the formats of printing anymore. You can adjust your style to any kind of printing process now. It used to be the other way around.

Aesthetically I want my work to be as beautiful and be as prolific as Osamu Tezuka was. Dark and creepy as Hideshi Hino‘s. Confrontational and cooky as Mike Diana‘s. With a mad dose of the dark action of a 2000AD Magazine. 

Boiled Angel – Mike Diana

ZL – I don’t know if you’re old enough to remember the Mike Diana obscenity case and the outcome of that ridiculous situation? It was big, even in UK comic magazines at the time. I remember them telling him that he wasn’t even allowed to draw AT HOME and that they would be coming in to check that he wasn’t drawing! So, I guess there’s that as a check to what we were saying about social media silencing creators, it’s not like it’s a new phenomenon, sadly. 

AY – I started getting into making fucked up comics at the same time as him. I was making One Last Day which is nowhere near as extreme or pornographic as Mike’s stuff, but it was really violent. His case scared me into being real careful who I sent my books to. 

ZL – When did you first encounter Mike Diana’s work, then and what’s so inspiring about it?

AY- I have seen more of his work recently. I like the absolute absurdity of it. It was so hard to get out here in the west coast unless you ordered it. I am not a big fan of pornographic or cheesecake comics. I do like some of the cruder stuff that is just too weird to be arousing. The work exists more as a piece of weird art rather than porn in some odd way. I have not gotten to read a ton of his stuff. He is actually a big fan of mine on Instagram. The punk rock kid in me loves seeing a block of “likes” by Mike. I have mailed him a bunch of my comix for trade.If he is reading this “Yo man! You gotta mail me some of your books!” Heh! 

ZL – I’m also intrigued to know how you found out about 2000AD as my understanding is that it’s not well known over in the US. What’s your favourite strip from there?

AY: I got a huge run of the re printed 2000AD and Dredd comics from a comic store when I was 13. I really love the old Rogue Trooper strips the most. They were some of the best sci fi war comics made essentially. Those artists were all emulating those old Action war comics they were reading

Rogue Trooper – War Machine by dave Gibbons and Will Simpson

Rogue Trooper – War Machine is a work of comics art. It definitely inspired a lot in my Blood Desert series. “The Fatties” stories in the early Judge Dredd strips are some of my all time favorite comics. I have read them a hundred times. It is just so nuts. I love that line between absurd and gross.

The Fatties – Judge Dredd

ZL – Oh yeah, those early works were really UK punk as punk can be! I’m surprised you like Rogue Trooper more than Nemesis though, Pat Mills and especially Kev O’Niell’s art is extreme as extreme art gets in comics back then. You mention in many interviews I’ve read that Japanese comics, particularly horror comics, have been an influence. How much influence do you see from Japanese horror comics in small press and self-publishing circles, it’s something I see a lot of in the creators I follow for sure, but I’m wondering what your experience is?

AY – I follow the underground Japanese scene pretty well. I am pen pals/friends with some of the newer japanese horror artists. It is funny. They all wanna get published here and I want to get published there. 

There are huge barriers in Japanese comics for Westerners. I would kill to get World of Knonx published in Japan. It is specifically designed and made for a world audience. It needs no translation. Manga publishers should be more open to Western comic artists the way we have.

I have grown very weary of all manga flooding the market lately. Most of it is just nicer formated versions of reprints of that older stuff I read in the 80s. It is not the weird upcoming stuff you see on the shelves. 

The American publishers bend over backwards to reproduce a lot of Manga but largely ignore American artists working at the same level of productivity. It has become a one way street. 

ZL – I see that a lot of publishers seem less inclined to have cartoony horror, they seem to have decide it must all be cheesecake or more realistic, I mean, you’re not going to see the likes of Shaun McManus on Swamp Thing art chores nowadays, which seems absurd because cartooning lets you play up emotions or gore without it getting all pornographic and seedy. I wonder if part of it is that as well, they want everything in that style. It’s also something that’s changed in horror as well. You think about something like Saw and how realistic those horror movie effects are compared to, say Friday the 13th, it’s changed what horror is. You could laugh at those things, not so much Saw, they’re far more EARNEST and wanting to show things REALISTICALLY.

AY- Yes! Exactly. I have been embracing the cartoon aspect of comics very heavily. Cartooning is dying in comic books not just in the horror scene. Comics have lost the ability to move the fans to a desired emotion.

I think it has to do with the industry’s reliance on writers. Artists are usually more creative and experimental than writers. Artists think in images and writers think in words. Writers can hammer out stories all day. The storytelling artist has to really think about every panel in a conscious way and how it will move the story. Images should drive comics not inane narrative. I should be able to understand the story in a comic by just looking at the art. If not then both the writer and artist have failed. Being able to type does not automatically make your stories interesting. Kirby’s cartooning made all those comics great not Stan and his stupid dialogue. 

  Personally I don’t wanna spend 12 hours drawing the perfect building in a panel that no one will care about. I wanna move the story. Cartooning creates a fluidity through the pages that perfect structure loses. Manga is great at moving you through a story in that way. 

ZL – So, in all of the ways you make things and with all of your feelings about being a part of US comics and international makers, what place do you see your new youtube videos playing into what you do? Is it more boredom relief or is it a way of pumping up awareness of the community you enjoy?

AY: I do the YouTube channel for fun and to shed light on independent creators. I also wanna try to create a new narrative in comics. Not just regurgitate the one fed to us by reactionary corporate comix culture.

ZL – Why the trash talking of something at the end? I ask because I have this pet theory that there’s a strong link between people doing underground comics currently, especially over the top gross out ones, and wrestling and I’m wondering whether that’s a bunch of nonsense I’ve made up, or whether this is like the trash talk between wrestlers, a funny sort of way to make a point about something, to build some low stakes drama? Or, is it a way to disarm a serious point by making it funny! 

AY: A little bit of both I guess. There is some carney action to all creatives who do it for a living. I think a long life as an artist hardens you. 

Comic book artists could learn a lot from Tattooists. Talk to a hardcase who has been making money everyday drawing. The one doing it in your hometown the longest. That is someone who can teach you a lot. They have had to put up with so much stupid shit from customers and society. They have a confidence and respect for their trade few artists do. They have real confidence that is inspiring. They won’t even fuck with some stupid walk-in. They are not gonna deal with some kid who wants a shitty Mickey Mouse tat. Some hokey fan art commission bullshit. People pay them good fucking money for their original style, skill and creativity. Comic artists conceded all that when they settled for being what amounts to storyboarders for ex-TV writers. 

Artists have to always remember Western society devalues you at every turn. You really have to learn to sell your art and self. Your skin better be real thick. You hear “no” and that “you will fail” constantly! You will work your ass off just to barely make it in most creative fields. 

ZL – Yeah, that really comes with the territory, especially if you’re coming at it from an underprivileged background, art seems to still be a very middle class opportunity and still seems to need strong patronage to make a living, so if you’re aren’t populist or aren’t from the right background you need to get money from somewhere else or learn to live cheap. 

AY – Starting out it is always a struggle in any field but comics has kind of embraced and even fostered failure among it’s creatives. A perfect example. No one with the talent level of Tim Vigil’s should ever be living in poverty. Which he pretty much is. If Tim started in tattoos he would probably be pretty set by now. Instead he chose to work in comics. 

ZL – You seem to be really knocking out your comics and developing an amazing backlist. I remember sharing a video where, I think that you were drawing a page from The Lottery, where you were filling in your spot blacks with this chunky dip pen nib and that just seemed like it would take a long time to get work done! So, I’m wondering whether you’ve changed up a gear and started doing lots of work, or am I just in circles where I’m seeing you pop up and you’ve been constantly busy for a long time?

AY – I mainly use a brush for large areas. Sometimes a fat nib. I have had the same process for the last 10 years. I have always had a pretty good work ethic with my art but my tools are just that. Lots of trial and error for the first 5-10 years. I had no one to help or any training. I am a lot faster at inking with some modern stuff but it is still the same process it has always been. I try to only work full time M-F 9-5. I love creating so much I get addicted to it. I will draw 18 hours straight if I am not careful. 

ZL – What inspired you to get making, not necessarily the style you make, but the actual circumstances behind you getting yourself together to put out comics instead of just sketching or posting online? What is the difference for you between posting online and publishing?

AY – Posting online is just a form of promo to me. Online is so ephemeral. I feel printed comics and animation is the best way to tell new stories and get them out. Period. It is hard to say what inspired me to start creating. I can tell you how I create though. 

I have always hated the idea of needing drugs, a muse or constant inspiration as motivation. It is not a sustainable model. It is a crutch for lazy artists to lean on. We all can learn skills and borrow from influences to make pretty art but real creativity comes from our imaginations. 

Clive Barker said it in interview after interview for years! He spoke of how fostering the imagination is being lost and even stifled in today’s world. He stressed the utmost importance for working artists and children to have an active and focused imagination. He is the greatest living horror artist of our age. The Poe of our time and everyone completely ignored him!!

Well I didn’t! I would meditate and do mental exercises daily for years to try and imagine whole working worlds. Clive was 100% right. I don’t get artists’ block or any of that shit. 

This is gonna sound super new age but it is the best way to explain it. With short meditation techniques I can light the fire of creativity instantly now. It can keep me awake some nights if I let it. My mind’s eye fills with the most moving and colorful images you could ever imagine. I have learned to embrace it and snatch stuff from the ether. It’s like a true form of art magick. When I break into the astral plane of endless creativity it recharges my inner being and overwhelms my soul with love, and joy. I am flooded with new ideas constantly. The Buddhists actually have a name for this place but the name escapes me. 

ZL – I remember reading that Moebius, Jean Giraud, the French comic artist took a similar approach, that he drew all his Moebius strips in a semi-conscious state of meditation, so it seems reasonable for you to do the same! 

AY – Exactly! I have read that and felt a kinship with him. I think Jim Woodring works in a similar fashion as well. 

ZL – Yeah, I’ve read that about Jim Woodring as well.

Looping back a second to The Lottery, I really admire the style of character design, the shapes you put down on the page, that I’ve seen in that. I’m guessing, from what you’ve just said, that much of these things arrive semi or fully formed? How much planning do you put into character design and story content and then could you give a general idea to how you approach a story and what you’re trying to achieve with your stories?

AY: Like I said prior, the initial ideas will come like a flood or in pieces. I will mentally “hang on” to my favorite ideas and build a story around them. Once I get most of it all sorted out in my brain I will do some general super loose thumbnails of a story or idea or the whole book. Sometimes I will start with a one shot style story and expand on it. The one shots will inspire more stories or ideas for other worlds as well. 

ZL – I know we touched on this earlier, but I’d like to dig deeper into whether you’re making money and what sort of sales you’re achieving, because, you know, I’m just damn nosey! More seriously though, I think part of making and why people cease making is an unrealistic idea of what can be achieved within an arena. The amount of people coming into comics and underground comix all thinking they’ll end up on Adult Swim or bankrolling a comfortable life always saddens me. You know they will get worn out banging their drum to sell 10 copies and lose hundreds because they completely over print. 

Which is a very tortured way of asking whether you make money from your comics or, at least break even? Are you happy to tell us numbers of sales and if not exact amounts of income, what sort of percentage of your income comes from your comic sales and for context, the kind of lifestyle you currently live?

AY: I grew up pretty poor. I was out on my own at around 17 with zero money. So it has not been an easy road for me in art and comics. I am not complaining, I have made good money off my comix.

I print modestly with print on demand services. I can print a few copies up to a few 100 at a time. It just depends on demand. You don’t need to have a warehouse of stuff. I focus on the stuff that does well.

It took a long time but I am in a great spot on my own. Because of the virus a lot of the mainstream crowd are kind of sitting around with their dicks in their hands. While I am hammering out stories. I am 100% owner of all my titles. I am not an LLC so a corporation can’t get my “creative content” without my direct consent. 

Luckily I don’t really need them. I have done the math, I make way more per page and book then I ever would with a publisher. I can create, print, promo, mail and repeat. I have no need for censors, editors, publishers, stores, mob run distro or other middle men. They are all just standing between me and making the profit from my books. 

No one will admit it, but the Cerebus model is still the best model for creators to sell their comics. If you are serious about ownership. More people should have the same faith in their work as Dave Sim does. Only without being a total jerk. 

ZL – I’m guessing your politics don’t mesh with his, but I think Dave Sim is definitely someone who has lessons for self-publishers and creators alike. If you were going to pass on any of his advice, how would you summarise what you’ve taken from his example?

AY – His politics aside he was pretty cantankerous in most of his interviews but he was not afraid to speak his mind. Everyone is so afraid to speak up in fear of never getting or keeping that “sweet corporate comics gig”. 

Dave was right about a lot of stuff. If you can’t stand up for your own work then who will? Before I started reading all his interviews I thought he was just a jerk but now I kind of get his anger. I could only imagine what the mainstream tried to pull back then when they saw he wouldn’t play ball. What’s worse is nothing has changed really. All the shit he was raving about in comics is the same or even worse. 

I think he was really hated by the industry when he started speaking out about all the shadiness going on. It always felt the comics press started attacking his political stances after he started to state his opinions about the practices of some of these publishers. I don’t agree with him on a lot of stuff politically but he never backed down and stayed true to his ideals. I admire him for that. 

Comics has a long sordid history of trying to silence voices they don’t want to hear. It has happened to me and many others still to this day.

ZL – How long has it taken to build up your back catalogue and what sort of tail end do you currently see on your titles, are we talking release and then forget it, sustained sales over months/years or occasional bumps when you get new titles out?

AY – It took 20 years to build the whole catalogue of large format stuff. I have printed 100s of different minis along the way. I now just mainly sell my larger format floppy and magazine stuff that does well continuously. I do have a goal to be able to fill a whole small magazine size comic book box with all my different floppy comics and mags. 

ZL – And how far away from that goal are you? 

AY – I have never actually checked. I would say I am well over halfway there. 

ZL – How do your sales and income compare to where you thought you’d be when you first started making your comics or did you not really care about that, other than not losing money?

AY: It is a weird thing that exists in indie comics. It is like they are ashamed of making money. 

You hear so much altruism in indie comics. “It is not always about the money man.” Tell that dumb shit to a career tattooist. They will laugh in your stupid face while they make $200 bucks an hour and drive off in their fully customized Dodge Challenger. While you stand there with a handful of comics and empty pockets. 

We should look at indy comics like tattooing or a little like a one man touring metal band or rap act. People wanna buy my books for my nutty unique style. So, yeah I am doing better than I ever could have dreamed of in such a dismal backwards looking field. I would rather be like a Tech 9 or Frank Zappa in comics. 

ZL – Last question, for you as a fan now, if you could get everyone in the world to read one of your books or series and a book or series by someone else, what would it be?

AY: Out of all my books I would say the World of Knonx series is my crowning achievement. I dumped every skill I have developed into one massive tale.

Park Bench – by Christophe Chabouté. It is one of the most amazing comics made in the last few years. It is one of the most beautiful comics ever made. It flows like water. It is the zen of comix. I cried the first time I read It. 

Park Bench – by Christophe Chabouté

I only make silent or wordless comics. So that is mainly what I am into. It is more common in European comics. So I try to mainly follow works coming from there. 

Comics should move us and excite us. Gross you out or move you to a new place emotionally. Not just be inane 80s TV sitcom serials. I am only interested in comics that exist and aspire to be comics. I have no interest in storyboards with dialogue. 

ZL – Thanx for your time Adam!

AY- Thanks for this in-depth interview. It is not often I get to talk deeply about things in comix that I care about. I never really get to explain how I create or how I truly feel about the medium.

I am grateful for the opportunity to speak my mind. To everyone who has ever supported me and my art. I truly frikkin’ love you all!! 

all art copyright and trademark its respective owners.

content copyright iestyn pettigrew 2020

  Adam Yeater, underground comix creator, talks in depth about his practice, his work and how comics remains closed to many outside of mainstream companies #comics #horror #underground #selfpublishing #fantasy #inspiration We spoke to Adam a little while ago about his influences and inspirations and found his answers intriguing, so we decided to dive in and dig a bit deeper.

[mellicose]

That Woman Over There - Epilogue

A You Me and Him Fix-it Fic

Rating: PG-13, for some bad language

Word count: 5140

Warnings: none

Summary: ~ Set after the birth of Monty, Olivia’s baby ~ A dear friend of Olivia comes to visit for a week, and she disturbs the fragile peace between her, Alex, and John.

Read last chapter | Start from the beginning

Four Years Later Five kilometers from Ballantrae, Scotland, UK

“Alright, chief, you know the drill,” Alex said over her shoulder as she fiddled with the sticky gearshift. “God damn-” her mouth snapped shut. “Renting in Scotland. What was I thinking?” she said. The ancient motor hicupped, then they rushed forward.

“The drill?” her son said, rolling the r in his mild French accent.

“John decided to build his house right by a bloody cliff, so-”

“A cliff! A cliff! Is there a beach?” he said, throwing his action figure aside. The boy loved the water. He wiggled in his booster chair.

“Of course, sweetie, but you do realize it’s September?” Alex said, looking at him in the rearview. “The water’s very cold. Brrrr.” She shivered.

“I can have a hot bain afterward,” he said.

“We’ll see,” she said. The little car struggled to get up the hill road. She floored the gas pedal and prayed as they inched to the top, and they both gasped together as they saw the newly completed home, set off by the endless blue of the Clyde Waters.

“It’s bloody huge!” she said to her son as she turned into their driveway, which curved up to the hill where the house stood. Beside it, nearer to the ocean, was a large barn – his workshop.

“Look, mama!” he said, pointing to the barn.

“What color is it?” Alex said.

“Rouge. Red!” he said, and clapped his hands. “Are there cows in it?”

“I don’t think so,” Alex said. “That’s were Uncle John makes his art.”

“Oui. His tables and his chairs and his cabi … cabi …” 

“His cabinets,” Alex said, and reached back to caress his fat cheek. “He gets a lot of money for his cabinets.”

“And that’s good?” he said. His chubby fingers wriggled over the seatbelt button.

“For him, yes. When I stop the car, you are going to stay exactly where you are, you hear?” she said. She didn’t know whether the cliff was fenced, and her boy was a fast runner.

“Yes, mam,” she said, and gave her a twinkly grin. She squinted at the cars parked in the driveway by the house. There was Connie’s blue SUV, John’s little sports car, and a Beamer. Her heart beat faster as she pulled up. A lot of people had red Beamers. Not only her. And she might’ve changed her car years ago…

“Auntie Alex!” John said, running up with open arms. Right behind him, two little girls ran up, with flapping coats and flowered galoshes. One of them had brown curls and round hazel eyes, and the other had flaming auburn hair and bright blue eyes.

“Auntie Alex!” they echoed, and hugged her legs.

“Hello, you!” she said, and hugged and kissed John, then the girls. They looked into the open car door and screamed again when they saw her son.

“Come inside. There’s cake!” Lily said. Her son undid the seat belt and wriggled out of the car.

“Whoa there!” she said, taking his hand.

”It’s perfectly safe. There’s a fence,” John said. Alex kissed him and let go, and they ran into the house to announce her arrival.

She looked up at him and giggled. “Fuck a duck, you’ve gone full L.L. Bean mountain man,” she said, referring to his full beard. He wore a soft gray beanie at a jaunty angle on his head.

“What’s L.L. Bean? Sounds tasty.” He winked, then rubbed his beard. “It helps me fit in with the locals.” He straightened up and narrowed his eyes as he looked toward the water. “Do I look local?” he said, nudging her.

“Sure,” said. “Very.”

He turned to her with his usual puppy dog enthusiasm. “D’you like it?”

“It’s big,” she said, looking up at the second-story gingerbread eaves, then to the wraparound veranda. An empty porch swing swung in the cool ocean breeze.

“It’s all me. Once I got to the planning stage, I kept adding elements. It drove Connie crazy, since she wanted it to be done already,” he said with a widening grin. “You’re gonna shit a brick.”

“Why?” she said. Again, her heart rushed. The girls came back out, with another boy in tow. Just as soon as he saw her, he brightened and ran faster.

“Monty!?” Alex said as the boy slammed into her and hugged her.

“Alex!” he said, and petted her slick blonde bob. “Pretty.”

“Thanks, love,” she said, taking his face into her trembling hands. His blue eyes were almost violet in the bright afternoon light, and his face was losing its baby chubbiness.

“How old are you now?” she said.

“I’m five,” he said, holding up his hand. “I’m in proper school, not baby school anymore,” he said, nodding proudly.

“Is that so?” Alex said. She couldn’t say much more. She didn’t come prepared to see Olivia. But she was a bit ... excited.

John patted Monty’s curly head. “Keep an eye on the cake. You know the girls are dying to get into it,” he said. Monty saluted and ran away.

“Why didn’t you tell me, man?” she said, looking down at her rumpled coat. She checked her makeup in the sideview mirror.

“It was a surprise to me,” he said, popping the trunk to get her bags. “I came back from getting lumber, and here they were, big as life sitting at our kitchen table.”

“How long has she been here?” she asked.

“A few hours,” he said. “She’s staying for a while, though.” Again, he gave her that mysterious grin.

“Okay, what’s going on?” Alex said. “You look like a cat that swallowed the canary.”

“You’ll see,” he said, and walked toward the house. She didn’t move, and he stopped. “Come on. It’ll be painless, I swear.”

The house was deliciously warm, and smelled of food cooking.

“Wow, mate, you outdid yourself,” she said in awe as she peeled off her coat. The floors gleamed a warm purple, and most of the furniture had his signature touch. “It’s like, a show house or something.” She kicked off her galoshes and touched the white pine entryway cabinet. “Where’s Connie?”

“In the kitchen, honey!” Connie yelled. “Dinner’s almost ready!”

Alex ran toward her voice, then nearly slid on her ass when she saw her.

“Surprise,” Connie said. She was … huge with child. Enormous. Rampant.

“John, you dog!” she said, and gave Connie a hug. “Oh my God, how? When?” She held Connie’s belly in both hands.

“You know how,” she said, and winked at her. “And we got the surprise of our lives about 37 weeks ago.”

John ran in behind Connie and gave her a loud, smacking kiss on her neck. He rubbed her belly and knelt to talk to it.

“How’s the weather in there, buddy? Staying warm?”

“Nooo,” Connie said, but she didn’t push him away. She put her hands on her hips and closed her eyes.

“Watch,” John said with glee, and lifted Connie’s shirt. He kissed her belly, which was stretched shiny. “How’s my sweet little boy? Say hello, son.” Connie sucked in breath as life stirred in her belly. First, perhaps a knee, but then, almost too clearly, a tiny hand.

“Fuck, that was a bloody hand!” she said, pressing her hand over her own flat belly. Her son had been active when he was in the womb, but she’d never seen his hand. “It’s a boy! Congratulations, bruv!” She patted John’s shoulder.

“He’ll be a handful, if he’s anything like his father,” a familiar voice said from the threshold. Olivia walked into the kitchen.

Alex stared. Her usually fluffy blonde hair was at least three shades darker, and up in a carefree ponytail. She was as slim as she ever was, but she gave off a different vibe. Warmer. More inviting. She walked with a confidence she didn’t have before, either. Her eyes, which normally avoided contact, now sought it. She was breathtaking.

“How are you?” she said.

“Well,” she said, smiling broadly.

“And your work with the old folks?” Alex said.

“That didn’t pan out, obviously,” Liv said, opening the oven to check on the roast, since Connie couldn’t bend anymore.

“Oh,” she said. Liv checked on a bubbling pot.

“No worries though. I found my calling,” Liv said. “I thought I was meant to help people at the last stages of their life. Turns out I’m meant to help mums and little ones through the first.”

“So, you’re a….” Alex said. The situation began to make sense.

“I’m a midwife,” she said with an uncharacteristic giggle. “Not quite an obstetrician, but I do some of the same things.”

“Wow,” Alex said, putting her hand over her mouth.

“After my experience with Monty, I wondered whether there could be something better. A practitioner who was both knowledgeable, and warm.”

“Like, not a weirdo like my old OB?” Alex said, laughing.

“Yeah, something like that,” Liv said. “Had I known about midwives then, things might’ve gone another way.” She looked at Alex. “You look different.”

“D’you like it? It’s my New York artist look,” she said, stroking her platinum bob. 

“What about the colors?” Liv said.

Alex sat down. “Everyone over there has colors, and too many piercings and tattoos to count. It’s not edgy anymore to have pink hair or ink,” she said, shrugging. “Normies in the art world? Hella edgy.”

“Normies?” Liv said, sitting across from her.

“You know. Not doing the multicolored pincushion thing,” she said.

“Do you miss it?” Liv said.

“Not really,” Alex said. “I get paid to draw pretty things for large companies. I’m very happy as I am.”

“How is that?” Liv said. She never imagined Alex could settle enough to finish a degree, much less become a graphic designer for one of the most respected firms on the East Coast.

“It’s stressful, but in a good way. My boss isn’t a cow, and she’s really open-minded,” she said, biting her lip. “The pay’s great. I can actually afford to live in Manhattan. Alphie might’ve had a hand in that.” He knew anyone and everyone, it seemed. And slept with half of them.

“How is he?” Liv said.

“Good, I guess. Still haunting his gallery for fresh meat in London,” she said. “He’s a brilliant father, though. Ollie adores him.”

Liv tipped her head. “Is that his name? Ollie?”

Color rose to her cheeks. “Yeah. He’s a junior, but his middle name is Oliver.”

“It’s a good name, Oliver,” Liv said, and wiggled her brow. Alex looked around. She didn’t notice that John and Connie had slipped away quietly.

“So, you’re here for the birth,” Alex said.

“Yes,” Liv said. And perhaps a little longer, to help.”

“That’s amazing,” Alex said, shaking her head. “Olivia the midwife. Do you miss practicing law?”

Olivia’s eyes widened. “Not at all. I was a bitter, miserable cow. I don’t even like to think about it,” she said.

“You were alright,” Alex said. “But you look so much happier now. How’s Maude?”

“Maude,” she said, and sucked her teeth. “That’s not happening anymore.”

“Oh no,” Alex said sincerely.

“She’s a lovely woman, but, um, she’s one of those kind of lesbians that prefer the quiet life,” she said.

“Eh?” Alex said.

“She doesn’t like children,” she said.

“I see,” Alex said. “That’s interesting.”

“Yeah, I didn’t know that when we started dating, but since I was at mum’s, we could go and do things all the time without Monty. Mum loves looking after him. But when I moved out and it was Monty and I, she began to show her true colors.”

“Damn,” Alex said. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Liv said, and shrugged. “It was a strangely easy breakup. I don’t even remember crying.”

“Lucky you,” Alex said. When she found out Alphie was cheating, she was inconsolable for weeks. It was a horrible rough patch that nearly made her drop out of school, but John and Connie helped her through it.

“I’m sorry about Alphonse,” Liv said, reaching across the table to squeeze her hands. “John told me it wasn’t easy, but not much else. Out of respect.”

Alex shook her head. “You live, you learn,” she said. “I was a bit foolish then. Impulsive.”

“You talk as if you’re heavy with years now,” Liv said. “You’re still young. In any case, we all do foolish things when we’re young and stupid, like go to law school, or wear paisley unironically.”

Alex giggled. “You seeing anyone now?” she said. Liv smiled. Al was a bit wiser, but she hadn’t lost her boldness.

“Nope. I’ve been too busy. Everyone’s having babies, like, all the time,” she said.

“Me neither,” she said. “It’s a bit obnoxious over there. I completely get what Connie was talking about. Makes my fud slam shut just to think about it.”

Liv hooted. “Your mouth,” she said, laughing. “I’d forgotten.”

“What? It’s the truth. It’s bizarre. There are loads of well-kept, pretentious twats everywhere, yet I’m dry as the goddamned Kalahari,” she said. “What’s worse? Only ten percent of ‘em can draw worth a damn. It’s mostly rich kids looking for an identity. It’s kind of sad.”

“Poor rich art kids,” Liv said.

“Connie may have grown up with a silver spoon in her mouth, but she’s nothin’ like ‘em. No wonder she was mad to get away,” she said.

“She’s the best,” Liv said.

“She is,” Alex said. When her and Alphonse broke up, Connie flew to the States to take care of her. She laid beside her on many nights, dried her tears, and helped her take care of Ollie. To her own surprise, she ended up leaning more on her than on John. “Connie sort of … changed my life.”

“She’s weird like that,” John said, and walked to the fob. “Is the roast done? I’m bloody starving.”

“Where’s Connie?” Liv asked.

“I helped her onto the porch swing,” he said. “Oh! I came in here for some juice,” he said, and went into the refrigerator. “My bride thirsts.”

“I’ll take it out to her,” Liv said, and stood up. She turned back to Alex. “I’m really glad you’re here.”

“Me too,” Alex said. “Glad you’re here, I mean.” She blushed.

Liv walked out, and John squeezed her shoulders.

“So what d’you reckon, huh?” he said excitedly. He looked out the window at Connie and the kids.

“You’ve outdone yourself, mate,” she said, shaking her head. “I thought she couldn’t have any more children after Lily.”

“Me too,” he said. “That’s what the doctor said. She had to go on hormone treatments to conceive,” he whispered. “They did a number on her, messed with her moods and her health, but we had Lily.”

“Then how did that happen?” Liv said, holding her hands over her belly.

“It was Liv,” he said. “She said that Connie’s particular issues had a more holistic solution,” he said, holding his hands up in air quotes. “I thought it was a bit mad – after everything she went through, how could her hormone imbalance be fixed with diet and vitamins and things? But it bloody worked.” He slapped the counter.

“Is that why she’s here? To make sure it took?” she said, looking at John. He hugged her tight.

“She was here earlier for that,” he said into her hair. “But we’re out of the danger zone, damn it. Manny’s healthy and nearly busting out of Connie’s belly.”

“Manny? Interesting name,” she said.

“Technically, it’s John Manuel.”

“So he’s gonna be a junior too?” Alex said.

“Yeah,” he said. “Manuel is her dad’s name, and two Johns will get confusing, so … Manny.”

“I’m so happy for you,” she said, and hugged him tighter. “You two have a sweet set up here. Oh,” she said, looking up at him, “How’s business?”

“Booming!” he said. “Between Connie’s connections and Alphie’s, I’m backlogged for two years. Did you see the barn?”

“Yeah. It’s really red,” she said. “And I don’t think it’s just connections. You’re bloody talented.”

John smiled. “It’s too small,” he said. “I’m going to have to build another one. And I had to hire four apprentices to help me. I’m interviewing for three more.”

“Excuse the hell out of me,” Alex said.

“I know,” he said, wriggling.

“You’re such a dork,” she said.

“I’m really happy, Al,” he said, and sat up on the counter. “To be honest, I sometimes pinch myself. It’s unreal.” She pinched his side, and he slapped her hand away. “To think I was in that little house in Bristol, resigned to my fate four years ago. I thought I was never gonna get another chance at happiness. I gave up on it. I was a total fuckup.”

“You weren’t. Never,” Alex said. “And it was comin’, mate. You are one of the kindest, most brilliant, smartest, funniest people I know. It was inevitable.”

“Oh hush, you. You haven’t done so bad yourself.” He tugged gently on her earlobe.

“Seriously. You and Connie deserve each other – it sounds ominous, but it’s true. You’re both amazing.” John smiled. “Speaking of being resigned to your fate, how’s Mara?”

He sighed. “In L.A. with her new boyfriend last I heard, and that was over a year ago.”

“Eh,” Alex said, looking out the window at the children running after each other in the grass. The little girl with the red hair hugged Monty, and he ran away, screaming.

“And Addie? How's she adjusting?” she said.

“She’s a delight, and her and Lily are like blood sisters at this point,” he said. “She doesn’t ask about Mara anymore. Connie and I don’t push it because when we mention her, she gets the most heartbreaking, confused look on her face.” His face crumpled.

“And how are you?” Alex said. “She’s, like, a clone of her. Is it hard?”

“I thought it might be,” he admitted. “But, I don’t know, she’s not Mara, if that makes any sense. She’s sweet, and unselfish, and kind. It was a bit weird at first,” he laughed. “I don’t know whether it’s all her, or maybe Connie’s influence, but I don’t care either way. She’s ours.”

“I have to say, you surprised me when you told me about the adoption. It’s mad,” Alex said. “But after a bit of thought, it makes sense. Who better than you, right?”

He jumped off the counter and sighed. “I’m gonna tell you a secret,” he said. “It was Connie who talked me into it.”

“Really?” Alex said, surprised.

“Yeah,” he said. “At first, I wanted to move on. Start fresh. And when Mara contacted us with the idea, I thought it was another attempt to wrap me up in her life again. I didn’t want any part of it. But Connie took over, and asked her all the difficult questions. I thought Mara would disappear since I wasn’t the one engaging with her, but she was dead serious. She really wanted to give Addie away.”

“So Connie was never weirded out about the idea of adopting your ex-wife’s love child with someone else?”

“No. She wanted to adopt right away, but she was more concerned about how I felt about it,” he said. “She was patient, and didn’t force the idea on me. But we were having so much trouble conceiving at the time and she really wanted to be a mother. She has so much love to give – we both did, and in the end, there was no reason the daughter should have to pay for the sins of the mother.”

Alex squeezed his shoulder. “I’m gonna go outside and love on Connie,” she said.

“I’ll join you,” he said. When they walked through the dining room, they heard pattering footsteps and a giggle. There were a few sugar flowers missing from the cake on the table.

“Lily. She’s like a little mouse, getting into things,” he said with a smile. They walked outside and Connie had her legs up on the porch swing. Liv was out in the yard, playing with Addie, and John ran out and started chasing after them both.

“How are you doin’, love?” Alex said, and pulled up a chair beside her.

“About to burst,” she said with a sigh. “My ankles are swollen, I have to pee every 15 minutes, and he’s jumping on my diaphragm like a trampoline.”

“So, ecstatic?” Alex said.

“Completely,” she said, and sighed contentedly. They watched the kids playing for a minute or two.

“Oh, your little mouse got into the cake,” she said.

Connie laughed. “Watch this,” she said, and put a serious face on. “Lily, get over here this instant!” she yelled.

The little girl ran around John and up the steps in front of her.

“Yes, mami?” she said, holding her hands behind her. She was the spitting image of her father.

“A little bird told me that someone was eating the sugar flowers off the cake, even though you pinky promised that you wouldn’t touch it before dinner,” she said. The girl licked pink frosting from the corner of her mouth. “Do you have any idea who did it?”

Lily looked down at her galoshes, then dropped to the floor and pulled them off. “Mami, one of my zoom boots is loose,” she said, and held her small booted foot up for her to see. The screw had broken off one of her ankle braces. Alex’s eyes widened.

“Oh no,” Connie said, and Lily repeated it softly. “John!” He ran up and gave her a kiss. “Could you get me the repair kit? In the drawer by the stove.”

“Is one of Lily’s zoom boots out?” he said, and picked her up and lifted her over his head. “We can’t have that! How will she fly?”

The little girl whooped and giggled as he carried her inside.

“Zoom boots?” Alex said.

“I forgot to mention it – her braces. When she was born, one of her feet twisted inward. John wanted to blame himself, but I didn’t allow it. We found the best pediatric orthopedic surgeon we could afford, and he did what he does best. As you can see, she can move around at almost 100%. By the time she starts primary school, she won’t need it.”

“But why zoom boots?” she said.

“We didn’t want her to feel to different from other children, so we gave the brace a cool name. They help her run like the wind,” she said. Addie ran up, with Ollie right behind her.

“Can I say hello, mum?” Addie said. Connie nodded, and kissed the top of her head as the girl rubbed her belly and whispered. Her auburn hair was red at the root with sweat.

“Go inside and tell da to put a hat on you,” she said. Addie poked her little lips out and made a face.

“If you don’t put on a hat, then you might get a cold, and if you do, then you won’t be able to see Manny when he comes,” Connie said, raising her brows.

Addie gasped and ran inside, screaming for her dad.

Liv walked up with Monty and sat nearby. “Did you finally finish the plans for your greenhouse?” she said.

“Greenhouse? Where?” Alex said. Ollie crawled into her lap and played with her hair. He was long due for a nap.

Connie giggled. “We’re gonna build a greenhouse. It’ll connect to the house by the living room,” she said.

“So it’s going to get even bigger?” Alex said.

“Yeah,” Connie said. “We’re in nowhere Scotland, but eventually, we’ll still have fresh cut flowers all year,” she said.

Alex shook her head. “How’s your clientele taking all this?” she said, waving at her belly.

“They can take it how they like. My family comes first,” she said. “John? I hear silence from inside. I don’t like silence!” she yelled. She settled into the porch swing. “To be fair, for the first time since I broke up with my ex, I had to cancel some gigs. I just can’t do anything until this one’s out, and settled.” She rubbed her belly. “But, something wild happened when I let one of my clients know I couldn’t do their wedding.”

“Eh?” Alex said.

“They postponed it,” she said with a giggle. “They said they’d wait on me, and that there was no hurry. They’re already two kids in!”

They all laughed.

“Weddings are serious business, I guess,” Alex said. “I wouldn’t know.”

“Neither would I,” Liv said, looking out for Monty. He ran back and forth along the fence, jumping occasionally to get a better view of the sea.

“Your day will come, if you just wait awhile,” Connie sang softly, and looked at them both affectionately. They had changed so much, but they were still so similar. Liv sighed.

“I’m gonna go check on John. Knowing him, he’s having a tickle fight with the girls instead of watching the fob,” she said. Just as she stood up, Addie ran out with a blue cap on, with Lily close behind.

“Nyooom!” John said, barreling past in hot pursuit. “All better, sweetie?”

“Yeah!” Lily said, and ran toward Monty, her arms outstretched. Ollie jumped out of Alex’s lap and ran toward the excitement.

“They’re dying to go down to the beach,” John said. “I can take them after dinner, if it’s okay with you ladies?” He nodded at Alex and Liv.

“Sure,” Alex said.

“Monty’d love it,” Liv said.

“Me too,” Connie sighed. “But I can barely walk.”

“I’ll take you down,” he said.

"How? You gonna carry me over your shoulder?" Connie said.

“Of course not. I'll throw you in a wheelbarrow.” He giggled.

“Wit,” Connie said. She made a face at him. 

“I’ll put a nice fluffy blanket down for comfort,” he said, wiggling his fingers.

“I hate you,” she said, pouting.

He nuzzled her temple and kissed her. “No, you don’t,” he said, and rested his hand on her belly.

“You’re right. I don’t,” she said, and pulled him in for a kiss.

“Mam, look, the water!” Ollie said, running back. “Is there sharks?”

Liv perked up and looked at Alex. “Did I ever tell you about the time I nearly got eaten by a bull shark in Costa Rica?”

“That’s what you get for going scuba diving with an open wound,” Connie said, rolling her eyes.

“No,” Alex said. “So it’s you telling stories now?” Her eyebrow rose.

“I’ve got loads, if you want to hear them. It’ll help to pass the time in this wilderness,” she said. “They’re not all near-death experiences either. There’s some juicy bits too.” Liv looked at Connie. “And the wound wasn’t open. I cut my ankle on some coral. I was wearing a plaster.”

“Bloody hell! Can’t sharks smell a drop of blood from, like, miles off or something like that?” Alex said, leaning forward.

“That’s a common misconception,” John horned in from the steps. “They can detect blood in the water at around 500 meters, furthest. Still, you obviously had a death wish, Olivia,” he said, and kissed the top of Lily’s head, who sat on his lap to listen to the story. Addie sat at Connie’s feet.

“But I didn’t. I wasn’t going to pass up the chance to dive with one of the best instructors in the country over a tiny little flesh wound,” Liv said.

“Was she, though?" Connie said. “You nearly made that instructor poo herself once he saw that monster circling,” Connie said.

“Pfft, it was tiny. Like, only 4 feet long, tops. A baby,” she said, holding back a laugh.

“You’re laughing now, but you were on therapy for a year after that,” Connie said.

Liv shrugged. “I was a bit tightly wound back then. It’s not news.” John snorted. Liv swatted in his direction, but he ducked away with a giggle. “Needless to say, things have changed. And I’m willing to give it another go. Maybe Australia this time?”

“Right. Have a nice visit to the home of everything that’s trying its best to kill you,” Alex said.

“I survived an all-girl’s public school, and being a lawyer in London for a decade. I know how to deal with bird-eating spiders, crocodiles, and poisonous snakes,” she said. “Easy peasy.”

“Fuck me, who are you?” Alex said, shaking her head.

"Language!" John and Connie said in unison. Alex flushed.

“Sorry for not doing this before,” she said, smiling at Alex. John stood up and helped Connie into the house, with the children in tow.

“Did John tell you about the time I beat up a tweaker trying to mug me in New York?” Alex said.

“Lies!” Liv said. “Really?”

“I shit you not,” Alex said, holding both hands up. “I’d had the worst day ever, and I swear my adrenaline took over and I dropped him like a sack of shit.”

The wind picked up, and they shivered. Liv’s eyes lingered on Alex’s face. She was even more beautiful than she remembered. She wondered what was going on in her head. Maude was responsible and kind, but ultimately boring. Despite the gloss, Alex was still the woman she fell in love with – impetuous, outspoken, and sweet. She missed sweetness. Alex noticed her looking, and didn't shy away from her gaze. 

“We should go inside,” Liv said, and rose. "It's getting cold." She held out her hand.

“I’d love to,” Alex said, took it, and followed her into the house.

THE END

Note: Thanks to everyone who showed interest, liked, and reblogged - you make my heart sing with a click. Due to reasons, I will leave the full story up for only two weeks, then I will delete it. I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I loved writing it 💖