#burden falls

[brightbeautifulthings]

Burden Falls by Kat Ellis

"'But maybe ghosts aren't quite what people think they are, not trapped spirits or anything like that. I see them more as … scars.' 'Scars?' 'Hmm … like a mark left on a place by some traumatic event. And maybe they only become visible when that same kind of trauma-energy occurs in the same spot.'"

Year Read: 2024

Rating: 3/5

About: A year ago, Ava Thorn's parents were killed in a tragic car accident, and now she and her Uncle Ty are being forced to move out of the family's manor. Worst of all, the Millers are moving in, a rich family with generations of bad blood with the Thorns. When one of her classmates turns up dead and missing their eyes, there are whispers of Dead-Eyed Sadie, the local urban legend, but it's Ava who turns out to be the police's prime suspect. Trigger warnings: parent/child death, car accident, drowning, fire, eye horror, drugging, bullying, threats.

Thoughts: The beginning of this book is brutally depressing: dead parents, horrific car accident, loss of childhood home, bullying, poverty. Ava's troubles just go on and on, and they're all awful, real-world problems rather than escapist horror ones. I struggled through the first hundred pages while I waited for things to get going. I don't know that the gloom ever lifted, and maybe that's a sign I'm aging out of the genre. Instead of being scared of the legend of Dead-Eyed Sadie, I was mostly just sad for these kids dying so young.

Ellis's urban legend is a lot of fun, and there's quite a bit of mystery and backstory behind Sadie. I enjoyed it, but I don't know that I ever believed it was real. If the book attempts to walk the line between supernatural and human killers (and I'm not positive that it does), it doesn't do it very well, and I was always looking for a human suspect. Ava's development is decent, largely fueled by her enemies-to-lovers arc with Dominic Miller, and I enjoyed their page-time together probably more than anything else. The reveal is a bit weird, but there's some nice tension at the end, and I was satisfied with the way it all turned out. A step down from Harrow Lake, but not a bad read altogether.

[lotus-pear]

hngghh domestic......

[citrusai]

taash said "they were doing it" and people ran with the interpretation of an npc that doesn't know solas or the history of the elvhenan even when bellara interjected and said, no, that's not right. that's not how it was for the elvhenan. they formed bonds before they had physical bodies. and people ran to doompost or create weird anti-solavellan shit even though mythal & solas refer to each other as old friends and when she releases him there is no tenderness or love in it. it is the act of unchaining a dog from his post, the stepping down of a general. but to each their own ig.

[razzafrazzle]

bill cipher for drag race When

[image description: two drawings of a human design of bill cipher from gravity falls, where he is depicted as a thin, pale-skinned individual with one eye visible and a constantly exaggerated smile. on the left he has his hair in a pointy beehive style and is wearing a shiny yellow gown with a short black hoop skirt over it, along with long black gloves and a bright yellow cane. on the right he has his hair in a short geometric bob and is wearing a bedazzled yellow bodysuit with pointed shoulders, a large red eye on the chest, and black beads dangling off of it, as well as matching boots with red tights underneath and a black cane. next to that is a small comic of bill posing dramatically on the ground while kryptos stands behind him with his arm comically snapped in half. kryptos says "bill i think i broke my arm", to which bill responds "NOT NOW KRYPTOS IM BUSY SERVING". end id]

[abirthdayclown]

My partner's dad is a twin and they told me that when he was a boy his family couldn't afford two pairs of glasses so they bought them for one twin but not the other. That is Stan and Ford to me.

[limesquares]

>Persons of interest involved in a recent security breach incident.

[comfied-chriterature]

The parallels between Hananene and Mitsukou!??!? Mitsunene dreaming of leaving everything behind, just the two of them, not bothering to think about the how or what comes after, only wanting to be happy and carefree with their partners, trying to find a solution no matter how unrealistic so neither of them have to stress anymore… and Hanakou still cautious and skeptical and so worried, bringing the other back down to earth, thinking of their safety and the future, knowing it will hurt, yet they still go along with their partner in the end…

[spirited-splashes]

Sea otter

[cowboybrunch]

weight gain as a sign of healing. save me weight gain as a sign of healing

[dxxtruction]

Louis' "You're boring!" Could mean so many things, but I think what's most apparent about that line is that Armand takes no initiative just for himself. He's not really anybody, because he never goes out and finds himself or gets attached to anyone but Louis. Without Louis as his guide he's literally just sitting on a couch picking lint! That's the thing.

He orbits constantly around what would make Louis happy, and never really fully going what would make me happy? Ultimately that drive to please Louis is what drives him to torturing Daniel, not so much that he'd care to just do it. Ultimately, not giving proper care to Louis is just a way to make sure Louis knows he has to orbit around him as well, with shoving Lestat onto him just that other nail on the coffin. So, even if he fails to figure out how to make Louis happy with him, he still knows what Armand is good for, and better than.

That dependency is what drives Armand's abuse. It really just comes down to that. Armand doesn't even realize how suffocated he is by his own dependency. This is just how life is to him. (It shouldn't be lost either that dependency is a theme considering this episode also deals with addiction).

Daniel's fascinating because he's just so driven to be somebody. He's largely independent, he seeks things because he wants them. It's his drug to poke and prod at all the things that he shouldn't. Daniel's exciting because he lets Louis in to something different, lets him in to all this potential in another person that he can also do the same with for himself. It's a real connection. A two way street. It's easy to tell how Armand can be smothering then because he's never introducing him to anything really new, and most the ways both of them connect are all painful and traumatic. It's never just fun because there's always that layer of that pain. Fun died with Claudia.

50 years on they've gotten to a lot better place, both of them, but it's still that same shit. No seriously, "How is this any different from last time, Louis?"

Well... Because Armand's going to be, at the very least, making one [1] decision only for himself - and that's to hold power over Daniel's life. Fucking sick foreshadowing.

They aren't driving each other to the brink anymore but "The vampire is bored" STILL. Maybe it's even worse, despite being in better places, because Louis' sort of just been defeated by it. (I mean, can he even really leave this either?). He's accepting the dependancy cause he kind of has to. He'd literally ended up letting all the enjoyment be up where he can't reach [The book shelves]. Armand so desperately wants Louis happiness but what really ends up happening is that Louis ends up having to give Armand all his own. He's got no one or anything else to get it from. But like an iPad and an over the top eating ritual. Two extremes of what's just more lint picking.

This whole relationship is one I find just tragic inside and out. You have to just pity it, really. There's ways in which you can find yourself feeling bad for both of them. But you can only really be mad at Armand for any of it. Armand, who isn't even 'free' in any sense, having so little concept of his own independence, but is at the same time so controlling over other's. It's a tragic cycle. It's an infuriating one.

Louis at least has the mind to know when enough is enough. If just needing that extra push to get there. Armand's too scared of it being over to even try.

[cutter-kirby]

one of my favorite things to come out of the book of bill is all of the bill possessing ford content. like both in canon and in fanworks. bipper did something irrevocable to me back in 2014 but ciphord/bord is such a unique clusterfuck of possession horror and it haunts me.

[borgialucrezia]

something something cesare always falling for rodrigo's ploy to pit him against his younger brother by rubbing in the fact that juan leads the papal army (aka cesare's greatest desire) so he mocks juan out of bitterness at every chance vs. rodrigo threatening juan to strip out his position (aka his honor and entire sense of being despite his incompetence) and giving it to cesare but juan doesn't fall for their father pitting him against his older brother and doesn't spitefully put him down but only begs their father not to take it away...

[faelapis]

pmmm rebellion: the flower scene

*inhales*

i like pmmm rebellion. a lot. i'd go so far as to say it’s one of my favorite movies. but i've never liked the interpretation from some, of this scene. the flower scene. essentially, the idea is that homura was right in how madoka was "miserable" as a god. because madoka "agreed with her" in the flower scene.

as a baseline, i will say right off the bat that i think pmmm is a franchise where you can never fully escape tragedy. i think any ending to this story will be bittersweet, and there is a certain amount of sacrifice and misery inherent in its very concept.

that being said. i don't think madoka becoming a god was as tragic as homura makes it out to be. i don't think its just a hero sacrificing herself for the greater good. i think it's more. and i think this scene, as much as it is a conversation, is also an act of self-delusion.

this one-note interpretation of madoka as a tragic sacrifice (in how she herself feels) is ignoring... well. the context of the whole series. which homura herself is also ignoring. by which i mean, she was a quite the unreliable narrator in how she described the sacrifice / miracle madoka would go on to perform.

for the record, i think there is something both selfish and selfless to homura. i think she genuinely believes she is helping madoka. and i think homura thinks that's all she wants. this is not an attempt to slander her - but more about how i think she has an incomplete understanding of madoka, and what madoka wants in life.

basically, i'm not trying to argue here that madoka's sacrifice is just good "for the world." obviously, it is. we already know that. what i'm trying to argue is that i think it - in some ways - is also good for madoka herself. not in an uncomplicated way, but that its not all bad. that she gets something out of being this godlike being. at the very least, i think it is better for madoka than the world homura creates.

okay. so. flower scene. homura pretty vaguely just says “you’re going to be separated from everyone you love." which, on its own, is pretty sad. she mentions that there's something "only (madoka) can do". and that madoka, being selfless, would do this because she feels she has to. that it is a tragedy.

what homura doesn't mention is madoka becoming this godlike, conceptual being who is everywhere at all times. which is a pretty big fucking thing to leave out. homura might as well have said “you’re going to be separate from ME, and that’s going to make ME sad” for how honest she was about the context of the situation.

in short, homura is framing the situation as tragically as possible because she wants madoka to say what she wants to hear. she wants to be told that it was miserable. because homura was miserable.

essentially, what homura says will happen: you'll be away from everyone forever. it will accomplish ~something~, but i will not tell you what. it will make me very sad. please comfort me. (which madoka does, because of course. lest we forget part of what she says is she would never want to make someone as strong as homura sad.)

what actually happens: you will have the power to save every magical girl from suffering. you will become a conceptual god, which will remove you from your human life. but you will also be with every magical girl, always, and give them comfort. you will not only have your own agency, but make sure that the wishes of magical girls everywhere MATTER and don't end in despair. including your own. even when you would become a witch and despair, you will save yourself. and when i die, i will be with you as well.

i think by framing it this way, homura IS being honest about how it "felt" to her. but homura also misunderstands what madoka wants.

first of all, madoka's life as a regular human... well, i'm not going to say it was unhappy. but i think it was unfulfilled. i think madoka was an insecure girl without much sense of what she wanted in life. and it was also ignorant. ignorant of the pain of the world, of the suffering that other magical girls had gone through. it was privileged, but it was also, in this way, empty.

madoka’s self-actualization (in the series) has a lot to do with helplessness vs being able to make a difference. in short, she wants agency. what her wish does is give her that agency, which she trades for her life as a normal human.

what homura’s wish does is the reverse. it’s giving madoka her humanity back, but in return, she no longer has agency. she doesn’t get to do the self-actualization of becoming someone with the power to help others. she is, in that sense, suppressed.

so. like. yes, THAT “regular magical girl who knows zero context of her own character arc” version of madoka? of COURSE she doesn’t want to leave everyone behind. big duh. she isn’t told what it would accomplish (in any specific terms), she isnt aware of how it would create a version of herself with the power to change the world. nor is she acquainted with the non-magical girl version of her in the pmmm series, who had no agency at all until she chose to become a god.

in the series, that is not a moment of despair for madoka. that is when she finds hope. that is when she attains a world where she can give rest to all magical girls. and give herself a reason to fight. that hope and determination carries her, and she is with it forever.

it’s also worth noting, rebellion!madoka's not just saying it would make her sad. she is also doubting herself. she's saying she is far “too spineless” to do it. how she's this weak, helpless person who would never be able to leave people for a greater calling.

putting aside how she’s not really gone / at least exists in this abstract way - she is also demonstrating how she doesn't believe in herself. so even this "happy" magical girl version of madoka still has some of the helpless insecurity of her series counterpart. she may live a relatively peaceful life, but she is not fulfilled. she lacks the purpose, determination and hope of her series counterpart.

in other words, even this version of madoka needs to self-actualize. and part of her knows that. in homura's "happy" new realm, madoka "feels wrong." she seems shy and insecure. ill at ease. uncomfortable. like she's at the start of her arc, not the end. yet the godlike power within her refuses to be erased. it can only be held back. for now.

in a way, i see homura trapping madoka a bit like the symbolism of not letting someone grow up. sure, adulthood might not be as "simple and happy" as childhood, but it also gives you knowledge and agency in life. it allows you to learn & grow, understand the world as it is, make educated choices in who you want to be, and become that best version of yourself. THAT is what madoka is denied. that is how she feels wrong in this “happy” illusion realm that homura creates.

also. god madoka would definitely be a lot happier if she could be with homura in heaven and have the ability to save her lol.

but there's a problem with that, for homura. and that problem is, that would give madoka the agency in the situation, and leave homura the passive receiver of blessings. which is at odds with homura’s own desire for control. like madoka, she wants to not be helpless and have the ability to affect the story. after all, she did fail to stop madoka in the series. i think homura wants some of that agency, too. hence the imagery of her soul gem going from a pawn to a queen.

essentially, i see this as a conflict between two sides who want to be in charge of their own destinies. they've been stripped of their agency by the world, and they want to have it back - no matter what it would cost. this is what they have in common.

when homura refused to join madoka in "magical girl heaven", she was ultimately refusing happiness for the sake of agency. for the sake of being able to be "madoka's hero." that's what she always wanted to be, and failed to be in the original series.

tl;dr: there is something tragic in madoka's wish. for sure. but i think it gives madoka agency in the world, which she always wanted. i think being able to help others can be genuinely fulfilling for the individual, rather than just a sacrifice. it’s empowering, as much as it is the loss of old self. and i think homura wants to feel like that kind of hero, too - no matter what. they both do.

*exhales*

[corallapis]

the important thing to remember about the "five watching the master burn to death on sarn" situation is that the last time they saw each other was in 'the king's demons' where the master deliberately engineered a situation where the doctor would have to beg for the master's life & then show just how much (little) those words meant by being made to choose an innocent's life over the master's. the master screams as he's being forced into the iron maiden. the doctor can't watch, doesn't even turn his head, squeezes his eyes shut. when it dematerializes, the doctor looks to whatever the gallifreyan equivalent of the heavens is in relief/exasperation. the master laughs to himself in delight inside his tardis. the doctor looks just a little unwillingly fond as tegan asks "what's the master up to?"

so when we get to 'planet of fire', with the master cajoling, threatening, begging, "won't you show mercy to your own—?" it's a boy who cried wolf situation. is he condemning the master to death in that moment? is he letting him burn under the assumption that it is a trick? the hope that it is? clara doesn't tell him "if you have ever let this creature live, everything that happened today is on you" until lifetimes later, but you know that same refrain is running through his head. he can't, in good conscience, save the master — the man who killed his fourth self, who killed nyssa's father & now walks around in his corpse, who destroyed nyssa's entire planet & people & a whole entire third of the universe, who abducted adric & tortured him. i think five looks determined as he watches the master burn but also, briefly, devastated. he walks towards the flames after the master disappears... hoping for what? the sound of the master's tardis again? his laughter? but the doctor has to turn and walk back to his tardis in silence.

[zenpai-senpai]

The glue that held them together ...

[clowningcrows]

i have an agathario au idea with vampire!rio that i literally CANNOT get out of my brain...