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bookworrm1999 · 3 months ago

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How Far Away? Part 2

Caleb x Mc

Tags: unplanned pregnancy, presumed death, depression, miscommunication

Summary: Mc and Caleb fight right before he goes on a long mission into space. Caleb ends up MIA while Mc finds out she’s pregnant. She struggles to deal with the grief while Caleb is fighting for his life to make it back home to her.

Ao3

Epilogue

2 weeks had passed but time dragged on slow for you.

You were back at your place and back to work. Being in Caleb’s home without him there was both comforting but so very lonely.

You didn’t know if it was the depression, the loneliness, or the memory of Caleb’s small sob that you had caught that last day you were together.

But you weren’t eating, your clothes felt a little looser but you felt a little bloated in your lower stomach.

Maybe it was your period coming…

This thought stuck with you as you filled out your report. Tara stopped by your desk, eyes glittering with worry.

“Are you doing ok?”

You muster up a smile and laugh

“Yeah I’m fine, why?”

“Your face looks worn and skinny. Are you eating ok?”

“Just had a bit of a stomach bug.”

The captain was walking nearby, she stopped hearing your words and turned to look at you with narrowed eyes.

“You’re sick?”

“Uh, I think so, maybe? I’ve felt like I have been anyways.”

“Go home early today and go see your doctor. We don’t need a virus sweeping through the association and leaving us with minimal staff.”

You sighed, you should’ve kept your mouth shut.

Typing up the last words on your most recent take down of a rogue wanderer. You catch a rare glimpse of your partner Xavier.

His eyes seemed to scan you as he asked

“Are you okay?”

You throw your hands up in exasperation and stand up to leave for the day.

“Not you too! I’m fine, don’t worry.”

He kept his eyes on you as you gathered your coat and bag.

“If you’re sure…”

“Yes I’m sure Xavier, good night.”

You didn’t bother putting on your coat as you left the building. You grabbed your phone and dialed the doctor's office.

“Akso Hospital, how can I help you?”

“Hi, I’d like to make an appointment to see Doctor Zayne as soon as possible.”

“Can I have your patient number?”

As you boarded the subway to head home, you read off your number. The city started to pass you by as you waited in silence.

“Actually he has an opening tonight at 6 PM, can you make it?”

You check the time, it’s 5:15 PM. Just enough time to stop somewhere and grab a protein drink since that’s all you can stomach.

“Yes I can make it, thank you.”

“We will see you at 6 then. Goodbye.”

“Bye.”

You slip your phone into your pocket and lay your head on the window. Your stomach churns, but you haven’t felt hunger since Caleb left.

All that food he had made, it was all wasted.

He had packed it up all neatly in the fridge for you but you had spent the few days left at his house over the toilet.

So it had gone into the trash, making you feel horrible. Who knows when you’d get to taste his cooking again?

Who knows what your relationship would be like when he got home?

Caleb had left you that little note saying he was sorry, it was tucked into the case of your phone.

A physical reminder for you that he had really been here.

He wouldn’t be back for 4 months though. Keeping yourself busy was the only way to avoid sinking into the deep rut you could feel coming on.

Your long sigh fogged up the glass, winter was coming.

Getting off the subway, you headed to a nearby cafe. Inside the atmosphere was warm but all your focus was on that sad beige drink in a carton inside the fridge rack.

You grabbed it and waited in line.

Spacing out at first but a familiar voice caught your attention.

“I’ll pay for her drink too.”

“Zayne?”

“Going to workout?” You glanced down at your protein drink and laughed a bit.

“No, just about all I can stomach these days.”

You followed him to the side of the counter where he grabbed his presumably sickeningly sweet treat in a box.

Zayne frowned a bit before asking

“Are you sick?”

“I think so. I actually have an appointment here with you soon at 6. My boss insisted I go check before I go back to work.”

He nodded a bit before holding the door open for you.

“I’ll walk you there then.”

Companionable silence follows you down the streets. As do all you thoughts of Caleb.

You can’t help but feel that the reason he was so scared to define your relationship is because of what the Fleet higher ups might do.

All the secrets and what they were up to. Caleb wanted to keep you out of it but he also wanted you next to him.

It was quite the conundrum, you got it.

But it wasn’t fair to either of you.

Sighing deeply, letting out a waft of visible breath in front of you.

Oh well, you’d have to wait for him to come home to even fix things.

No communication was possible between ground and deepspace.

You followed Zayne in silence up to his office. He motioned the receptionist to check you in as he watched you with worried eyes.

You were uncharacteristically quiet.

Zayne set his box down at his desk and took a seat, he motioned at the seat in front of him for you to sit.

Sitting without a word, you could tell your silence unnerved him.

But you didn’t have the energy to play polite right now.

“What are your symptoms?” He brought up your vitals while asking you specifics.

“I’ve been feeling nauseous all through the day, been a bit a dizzy but that’s probably because I haven’t been eating much. I don’t have much of an appetite and I think I’ve lost a little weight.”

“You look like you haven’t been sleeping well either.”

Averting your eyes, you deflect

“That doesn’t have to do with this.”

“Mmmm, if you insist.”

He flicks through your vitals before something catches his attention.

“Are you sexually active?”

This question startles you a bit but you answer hesitantly

“Yes… what does that have to do with anything. Wait…. are you saying?”

“Yes. I’m seeing evidence of you being pregnant. Looks like it’s 5 weeks along but we can do some more in depth scans to be sure.”

You don’t hear anything after that.

Feeling a mixture of dread, wonder, happiness, and wondering how the hell you were going to deal with this?

“Was this a wanted pregnancy?” This question snapped you out of your spiral.

“Well I didn’t even know that I was pregnant! But….. yes, I think so.” Caleb’s baby. You bring your hands to your slightly bloated abdomen.

Ah, that’s why.

You hadn’t even noticed that your period was late in all the turmoil.

“I can give you a referral to an OB if that’s what you prefer.”

“Yes thank you, I appreciate it.”

He sends you some virtual information and lets you know that you should read the e-book on what to expect.

“Thank you Zayne.”

“Right, well you should get home. The information I sent you should have some foods that may be easier to keep down. I would suggest reviewing those and actually eating something. The weight you’ve lost already isn’t great for the baby or you.”

You suddenly feel guilty, not that you knew that you were pregnant but it still made you feel bad.

“Yes thank you Zayne, good night.”

You start to head out but he calls your name out so you stop to look back at him expectantly.

He seems to swallow a bit harshly before uttering

“Congratulations”

Smiling for real for the first time in half a month, you glow at him

“Thank you!”

You head out and head home.

Caleb may be gone for now but he had left you something very precious.

You hadn’t thought that you would be pregnant in your relationship quite this soon but you did what this baby. It was Caleb’s after all.

Wait

Caleb.

He doesn’t know and you have no way of telling him. He won’t be gone for the whole pregnancy but he was going to miss a lot of the early important milestones.

You don’t even know if he wants the baby.

No no, you shake your head.

He would definitely want this baby.

Determined now, you reach your apartment and sit on your couch while sipping your sad protein drink.

Using your phone, you look at the list of foods in the information Zayne sent over.

Crackers, ginger, fruits, a lot of mild and still somewhat sad foods but it was better than a protein drink.

Quickly tabbing over to a delivery app, you load up on early pregnancy foods to be sent over that night.

Task completed, you stretch back over the couch.

What a long day.

Oh! You could write letters and send Caleb voice as well as video messages so that when he gets back he’ll have a total record of what happened.

That way he could still be a part of it in some way.

Settling down into the couch, you hold your phone up to record your face.

“Hi Caleb! Guess what!?”

Making a show out of it, you bring your face close to the camera and glare at the imaginary Caleb.

“You got me pregnant! All those times you told me you would just pull out have come back to bite you. I told you so!”

You laugh a bit before continuing

“But really, I’m excited. I miss you so much so this is like having a small piece of you with me always.”

You look down where you had been unconsciously rubbing that small bloat that really wasn’t a true bump yet.

“Oh do you want to see?”

You place the phone on the coffee table, propping it up against your fake plant.

“See! It’s not a true bump but you can feel the firmness and see my little soon to be bump.”

You run your hand over it to exaggerate it. Smiling down sadly before glancing back at the camera.

“I wish you had been here to find out with me. You would’ve probably fainted if I had taken a test to check and I showed you the positive result. And don’t tell me you wouldn’t have!”

You tear up a bit at the thought of him being gone for all this.

“I wish you were here…”

You grabbed your phone and brought it back to your face again.

“But I’ll send you lots of updates! So you can see them all when you get back! I love you Caleb. Come home soon okay?”

You stop the recording, sending it to him. Knowing he wouldn’t see it for a few months. But you were just glad to make him a part of the process somehow.

All the while, unaware that Caleb may never come home to you.

Tags: @moonberry69 @supermyeon22 @tinnyrabbit @gavin3469 @midiplier @tabi-callico

#love and deepspace caleb #love and deepspace #lads caleb #caleb x mc #caleb x you #caleb fanfic

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ilguna · 1 month ago

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☼ mixed signals (Johanna Mason) ☼

summary; it’s been years since you met Johanna, and her opinion about you has never changed. it isn’t until the night before you're supposed to be thrown into an arena, does she begin to realize her true feelings.

warnings; swearing, talks of starvation, kinda death mention, a hint at prostitution but its not explicitly said, usual hunger games stuff.

wc; 4.8k

It feels like it was only yesterday your name was being pulled out of the girls’ glass bowl for the Sixty-ninth Hunger Games. It’s almost impossible to believe it’s been six years since then.

You were freshly sixteen, and so very optimistic this reaping would be no different than the ones you attended in the past. Especially since you had just five paper slips mixed in, compared to the thousands of others.

If you knew what was to come…

It doesn’t feel like it’s been that long. You can still remember every movement you made, every thought that passed through your mind, and every breath you took as you made your way to the stage.

The way you struggled to lift your feet, as if weights had been attached to your ankles, and you were being forced to drag them through the gravel. Your eyes were bugging out of your head, which had been displayed on the big screen for everyone to see. All you could do was wonder if you had done anything to deserve such a cruel fate. You hadn’t put your name in extra in return for food, even with how tempting it had been at times.

Was it just bad luck?

Unfortunately, it had to have been. Like how it was for the dozens of the poor girls and boys from your district that came before you. And while all of them tried to make it out of an arena alive, most of them failed to do so. No matter their background, or the head start of skills they honed, they eventually fell to another’s hand.

This made you terrified at what your future would look like. Either you would die within the next two weeks, and everything you had done to live would be for nothing—or you could win, and be forced to live with the monstrosity of your actions for the rest of your life.

Neither option seemed right to you, but it’s not like you had a choice anymore. You were going to participate in the President’s game, and you had to be smart in the way you did it to avoid digging yourself a deeper hole than you were already in.

The week you spent in the Capitol was easier than you thought it was going to be. From the outside, the events that take place every year seem to be taxing, when really there’s nothing to it.

It’s so simple to dress up as a character for the citizens and be wheeled around the City Circle. The only miserable part had been in the Remake Center, where they ripped off every inch of hair they deemed didn’t belong on your body.

Or the Training Center, where you felt no pressure to succeed in gaining sponsors because… well, honestly, it’s not like you had any killer skills to begin with. There was nothing to hide from your peers, just too much to learn in such a short span of time.

When your private one-on-one session with the Gamemakers came around on the third day, you spent thirty minutes trying to be resourceful by crafting items that could hypothetically help someone in an arena. A backpack, a cloth to clean water, a sleeping bag, a blanket—whatever you could with what you had at hand.

While doing this for them, you knew it would be pretty useless to show them such a skill. Not only was it likely typical of a District Eight tribute to do so, there wouldn’t be any need for it unless there were bundles of cloth lying around in the Cornucopia in the arena.

Still, you earned a pretty six for trying. You took it as it was, and accepted the fact that you wouldn’t be lasting for very long in the arena. Maybe a week, you’d be lucky if it was any more.

Which is why you decided not to put much of an effort into your interview, either. Why would it matter? You were just another accessory to the Games at that point. The Careers—and everyone else who had scored high—casted a shadow over the rest of you.

The truth is that even with all you had been doing for a week, you felt underprepared and at a disadvantage compared to everyone else. You had no hope.

However, while it initially felt like you were being punished for your actions in the past, it turned out that wasn’t the case at all. At least, looking back at the situation now, you don’t think it was.

The Sixty-ninth Hunger Games played out like a walk in the park.

Despite the fact you felt like you had been abandoned by the world, there must have been someone or something hovering over your shoulder, guiding you to the end of the Games. At times, it even felt like it took you over. Knowledge that you didn’t even know you had came out of the depths, saving your life on multiple occasions.

You were incredibly fortunate. You made it to the final few without having to do much of anything. All you did was survive in the trees, scavenging for what you needed, and hiding when night fell.

And when it was time to act, the Gamemakers made sure you did. You ended up being corralled into a fight you didn’t want to participate in, and somehow found yourself the winner of it.

Within the matter of seconds, you were announced as the winner of the Hunger Games. It was like you were standing on a stage, the lights shining down on you, presenting you to the whole world. You were their victor.

It wasn’t until you stepped off the Capitol train and you were back on District Eight soil did it finally feel like they had closed the curtains. You were no longer on display for everyone to see, and you thought that was it. You were done, forever. You were never going to be put back in that bowl again.

You weren’t supposed to be.

The rules of the Hunger Games are pretty easy to understand. First, you have no choice in the matter. Almost everyone will be put into the bowl at some point, unless there's a special circumstance and the person can’t participate. Second, you do everything your Escort tells you to do while in the Capitol, otherwise you’ll find it hard to get through the week because they’ll make your life a living hell.

Third, while you’re in the arena, don’t do anything that would make a fool of the Gamemakers. It’s non-negotiable, and you could find yourself or your loved ones in a position you can’t get out of. Further on that subject, you need to give them a show, because that’s what the whole thing is about, anyway.

Fourth, there is only one winner of the Hunger Games every year—or well, it’s supposed to be that way. This rule was broken recently by the former Gamemaker, Seneca Crane, in order to preserve the structure, but all it did was lead to an unfortunate end for him.

Fifth, you belong to the Capitol, always. While you have not experienced this one yourself, you know too many people that have fallen in the hands of President Snow and most of the elite class. And there’s nothing you can do to get out of it, unless you’re willing to sacrifice everything you love to do it.

Finally, the sixth rule, which is the most important one; you cannot be reaped for the Hunger Games twice.

And yet, for the Seventy-Fifth Hunger Games, the third Quarter Quell, it was announced by President Snow that the tributes would be reaped from the existing pool of victors.

If you had told yourself six years ago that all her efforts and pain would go to waste and she would find herself being reaped to go back into an arena, you don’t think she would’ve tried as hard as she did. Or at all.

In fact, you’re pretty sure you would have done so much more. The nights you starved because your family couldn’t afford dinner for three nights straight—easily could’ve been solved with tessera. But you didn’t want to take the risk if there was even a sliver of a chance you could avoid going into the Games.

You could’ve saved yourself a lot of grief.

Instead, you’re back in the Capitol. You’re back to fake smiles and half-hearted conversations with people that are excited for such an eventful Hunger Games. As if you’re not human. As if you’re just another toy for them to play with until they get bored.

“You’re free to go.” Danika tells you, interrupting your thoughts.

She’s the newest stylist for District Eight. She was recruited a couple years after you had won your Games, the one before her had been a man. Apparently he was very successful following your victory, so he retired and opened a shop downtown to sell his clothes, or so they say.

“Anything I should watch out for?” You ask, stepping down from the pedestal she had you on.

“No, you’ll be able to move freely.” She begins to clean up the jewelry on the vanity. “I’ll see you tonight.”

“Thank you.” You murmur, opening the door to escape into the hallway.

Danika’s not a fan of conversation or keeping company around for longer than she has to. She’s a recluse, and there’s nothing wrong with that. In fact, you respect it more than anything. In a place like this, it must be hard to keep to yourself without someone stepping on your toes, one way or another.

As you head to the warehouse, you take some deep breaths, calming your nerves.

The idea of being in front of hundreds of Capitol citizens while wearing a ridiculous outfit is not nearly as daunting as the fact that you’re about to be surrounded by twenty-three other victors. Who all won their Games through blood, sweat and tears, while you had to do half the work and the rest was handed to you.

It makes you nervous for what this year will look like, especially considering the lineup is a killer. Cashmere, Gloss, Enobaria and Brutus are the main faces of the Career pack. Finnick and Mags would be included, if it weren’t for Mags’s age.

Then there’s Wiress and Beetee, two infamous geniuses you have heard about countless times from Cecelia–your mentor. Johanna’s here, although you’re less thrilled about her because of her attitude towards people, namely you. There’s a bunch of nameless faces in-between, but you remember who Seeder is because she mentored last year for Thresh and Rue.

At the very end of the room will be two very important teenagers who have sparked a lot of controversy as of late. Katniss and Peeta were the reason why Seneca Crane got into so much trouble. If the Twelve victors had eaten the nightlock berries, there would have been no victor, which would be unheard of. So, he saved them instead, and caused a bigger issue to come to light.

And then there’s you and Woof.

When you step into the warehouse, there’s a line of chariots and horses, with a few people tending to them, getting ready for the ceremony that’ll take place soon. There’s not many victors and mentors down here just yet, besides the tributes from Seven, simply because their stylist has been doing the same outfit since she started the job. You’d bet she handed the costume to them and told them to get dressed on their own.

You play with the bracelets around your wrists as you make your way to the chariot to the left of them, where you’ll need to be. As you get closer, Blight takes notice, giving you a half-smile. You met him once or twice during your first year of mentoring, the next he was gone and replaced by an older victor who seemed a lot less friendly.

“(Y/n).” He says.

You give him a smile back, “Hey, Blight. It’s been a couple years since I’ve last seen you.”

“You’ve grown up quite a bit since then.” He nods.

“A little bit.” You agree, tucking your dress beneath you as you take a seat on the chariot. “Not enough, it seems. The mentoring job is harder than it looks.”

“Ah,” He nods, looking down at the cement floor. “You’ll get a hang of it. What you can and can’t control. It’s not as easy as it looks.”

A scoff comes from behind him, Johanna pops her hip out, appearing from behind her tribute partner. “Much harder for her, I can imagine. She doesn’t have anything going for her in the first place.”

You blink for a long moment, a forced smile on your face. “It’s nice to see you as well, Johanna. How was your vacation?”

“A lot more productive than whatever it is that you do.” Johanna looks you over. “Do you ever consider that your tributes would actually live if you quit?”

You stare at her for a long moment, not really wanting to engage with her today. She makes it difficult to keep the peace when you’d love nothing more than to show her the pent up frustration she’s caused within you. What you’d give to throw her down and strangle her until she turns red and purple.

Even if you were given the opportunity, you’d never actually go through with hurting her. You don’t hate her. In fact, she doesn’t bother you as much as she thinks she does. You’ve got some pretty tough skin, thanks to her. Anyone else listening to her insults would have probably crumbled from the inside out years ago.

You’re more disappointed by how she’s taken such an aggressive stance with you, when you feel like you’ve done nothing to deserve it. You must’ve offended her somehow the first time you met her, which was the Seventy-second Hunger Games. All you did was introduce yourself and you got snubbed. It was the quickest you’ve ever been rejected by someone in your life.

You’ve tried not to take it personally, but it really is you. With everyone else she interacts with, she’s more mellow. As if she has more respect for them for some odd reason. And with you, she manages to treat you the same way she does the Capitol staff. It’s no secret that she thinks of them as lesser beings.

The saying is to kill them with kindness, but your well is beginning to run dry after dealing with her for the past three years, now going on four.

“No, I haven’t, Johanna.” You tell her, raising your eyebrows.

“Of course not.” She looks away, taking a step back. “Cecelia was a much better mentor than you.”

Your face twists. “How would you know? You’ve never had the chance to work with her.”

Johanna’s face begins to turn a shade of red, either out of anger or embarrassment, lips pressed into a thin line while she glares at you. Blight shakes his head slightly, tired of the conversation already.

All she does is argue with people, and while you shouldn’t be engaging, you’re tired of just taking it all the time. She treats everyone as if they don’t have feelings of their own, which she could very well be hurting. But why would she ever care?

“Shut up.” She snaps at you.

“Good one.” You murmur, looking away from her to the other chariots.

You can hear the sound of her heels clicking against the ground as she walks around Blight to stand in front of you. You stare at her boots, which have been designed to resemble the base of a tree with thick roots twisting out, before you slowly look up at her.

“I’d be careful making enemies so soon.”

“Enemy.” You correct her. “Singular. It’s just you, Johanna.”

She crouches down, getting to your level as if you’re a child. “Even if that was remotely true, I wouldn’t need help to track you down in an arena.” She tells you. “You’re so gullible and soft. Don’t think for even a moment you’ll be able to hide your way out of this one, pansy. You got lucky the first time.”

You stand, jaw set, shoulders squared. She slowly stands at her full height again, which is right at your eye level, thanks to the heels Danika has you wearing. You raise your voice, “Are you threatening me?”

This catches the attention of the Peacekeepers, who turn in your direction immediately. They hesitate, not necessarily moving quite yet, gauging the situation first to see if they really need to intervene.

“Clever.” Johanna looks unamused. “I should’ve guessed you can’t fight your own battles.”

You shake your head. “You don’t want me to. So, get the fuck out of my face.”

—

If the Gamemakers previously thought for even a moment that the Capitol week would go as it normally does, it’s clear to see they don’t think that’s the case anymore. The way they reacted to the attendance on the first day in the Training Center as opposed to the third is telling on its own.

If you hadn’t been encouraged by Cecelia to go represent District Eight to the Gamemakers, you wouldn't have gone at all, like many others. Especially since Woof got the pass to stay in the apartment since he’s elderly, and moving him from one place to another takes more effort than it's worth.

Only about half of the victors showed up, most of them you already know. It appeared like it was going to be a waste of time being there if you couldn't make new connections. And it would’ve been, if it weren’t for the fact that Katniss and Peeta were there.

Katniss Everdeen and Peeta Mellark, victors of the Seventy-fourth Hunger Games, residents of District Twelve. The two new fresh faces to the victor world, the reason why rule number four—only one winner per Games—had been broken. Due to a tactful last-minute suggestion by Katniss, herself.

Katniss is a skilled hunter, or well, it’s speculated that she is. From what you’ve gathered based on body language and the way she carefully phrased the way she talks about hunting, it must be incredibly illegal to hunt outside the fence. You think she mentioned in one interview the fence that surrounds Twelve is electrified, and everything she has caught has been inside.

She was very specific when she talked about it. As if she didn’t want to lie about how she survived all these years, but she didn’t want to get herself in trouble in her district and risk getting arrested.

Either way, whether she hunted inside or out of the fence, she must’ve picked up a knack for identifying plants. She was able to navigate her way through the arena well, at one point she’d even peeled bark off of a tree to gnaw on while exploring the trees, a move that you haven’t seen before.

On the final day in her Games, the Gamemakers decided that they would revoke the previous announcement of a rule change they had made a week or so prior. Which was basically if both tributes from the same district survived until the end, they would make an exception and bring them both home. In hindsight, this was a ploy by the Gamemakers to bring Katniss and Peeta together to continue to play into the star-crossed lover look.

When Katniss and Peeta realized they had been led on by the Head Gamemaker, Seneca Crane, they took the situation into their own hands. Or rather, Katniss remembered she had a handful of poisonous berries in her bag. At the time of watching this happen, you had no idea which berry it was.

You would later come to find out it was nightlock, a berry you also have in District Eight, way out past the fields.

Katniss made the decision that if he wouldn’t go home, then she wouldn’t either. And right before it touched their lips, Seneca panicked, and allowed them both to win, anyway. It saved her and Peeta’s life, but you can’t imagine the repercussions that came along with it.

Especially if Seneca’s punishment was death.

So, when you saw the teenagers in the Training Center, you knew you wanted to be a friend of theirs, at the very least. If they didn’t want to be your ally, it was fine with you, but you wanted them to see you as a friendly face, before and during the Games.

You didn’t approach them, you let them come to you, one at a time. They split up after Atala, the Head Trainer, had made her usual speech on the first day. While you went to go learn first aid, they had gone off to do their own thing. Before you knew it, you had Katniss and Peeta learning beside you, having light conversation, before they went off on their own.

It worked out in your favor, because yesterday morning, as you were leaving the apartment to head to the Training Center for day two, Cecelia stopped you. She said, “I don’t know what you said to those kids in District Twelve, but Haymitch wanted me to pass along their offer of being allies. It was extended to Woof, as well.”

You would say they’ve taken to you since then, but that would be a lie. They’ve been very polite, as if they’re hoping that if they’re well-mannered, they’ll be able to convince you to say yes. However, against your better wishes, you’ve been learning towards telling them no.

And it has something to do with Johanna.

“Come on, (Y/n).” Finnick has his arms crossed over his chest, he’s leaning against one of the many concrete pillars, watching you look over the knives on the table before you. “It’s important.”

“I know, you’ve told me several times.” You tell him, pressing the tip of a blade to your finger.

“And you’ve still yet to give me an answer.” Finnick tilts his head. “We have two days before the Games, we need to know if you’re with us or not.”

You let out a sigh, lowering the knife to look at him. “Finnick, I would be more than happy to join the cause, if you can guarantee she won’t be a part of it.” You point the blade at Johanna, who’s swinging an axe in the air.

Finnick follows your gaze, and doesn’t move for a long moment, as if he’s actually considering your ultimatum. Then, he looks back at you, face twisted into a puzzled look. “You don’t like Johanna?”

“Nope.” You tell him, popping the ‘p’.

“But you like everyone.” Finnick says, eyebrows still pushed together.

“I like everyone?” You repeat, a little offended. “No, Finnick, I like people that treat others with respect and kindness. Does that sound like Johanna to you?”

You stare at him, waiting for a response. Finnick shakes his head, looking down at the concrete flooring.

It’s a shame that Johanna and Finnick are such good friends, because he doesn’t have the same personality she does. With no cameras and no strangers looking in, Finnick had a completely different persona. He’s funny, he’s talkative, he’s smart. He’s much more than the holier-than-thou casanova the Capitol has made him out to be.

While Johanna—being rude is her entire personality and it’s gotten old.

“Johanna is a hypocrite.”

“I wouldn’t say that.”

“Finnick, she likes to talk about how District One and Two are privileged and need to get off their high horse, and then went and called me a bad mentor and a pansy.” You set the knife down on the table, tilting your head at him. “Just because I don’t advertise my trauma doesn’t mean I’m any less of a victor. That final fight did numbers on me, I almost died before they even got me in the hovercraft.”

“I know.”

“Well, I’m glad.” You tell him sarcastically. “But she doesn’t seem to get it. And until I get an apology, I’m not doing anything that involves her.”

—

The final interview with Caesar is by far your least favorite activity the Capitol has you do before they send you into the arena. By the time it comes around, you’re always sick of the antics around you. Although, usually you’re a mentor looking in.

You love Cecelia, but she will not let the alliance offer go. You knew that it would be a mistake mentioning it to her as soon as she told you that she was going to ask for more details from Haymitch, since he’s the one organizing it. Now that she knows what it really means and what it’ll entail, she’s insisting for you to take the offer and push through your growing hatred for Johanna.

She seems to think you’ll regret not joining, and while that may be true, your time in the arena’s already going to be miserable. And you told her this, you even asked why would you intentionally make it worse by being around her for the duration of it? And then you made the bigger mistake of saying, “Especially since Johanna only brought herself to give you a half-assed apology after Finnick had to tell her to do so.”

It’s been a miserable couple of days.

“Final touches.” Danika tells you, pulling out a spray. “Close your eyes and suck your lips in.”

“What is it?” You ask, following her directions and holding your breath for a brief moment while she sprays a cold mist over your exposed skin.

“Glitter.” She murmurs. “Open your eyes and look in the mirror.”

When you see yourself, your breath hitches in your throat. Danika really went out of her way to make you look beautiful. It’s nothing compared to what she’s done in recent years. Maybe it has something to do with the fact this may be your last.

You run your hands over the silky dress, taking time to look over every inch of fabric that has been sewn to look like a dress that belongs to a princess. The only thing you’re missing is the crown, which you suppose you had at one point, placed on your brow by President Snow, himself.

“Thank you, Danika.” You smile, looking at her. “It really is your best work.”

“I know.” She tells you, voice soft. “I’ve been saving it for a special Hunger Games, I never thought I’d have to use it so soon.”

“Look on the bright side, if I win, you’ll be really famous.” You laugh.

She gives you a smile. “You’re free to go.”

“Thank you, again. It was nice being able to work with you, both as a mentor and as a tribute.”

“Likewise.”

You leave the dressing room, heading into the hallway. You’d be confused on where to go if you haven’t been down here a hundred times. It all looks the same in the Remake Center, with the white brick walls and the concrete floor. There are no signs on the wall to direct you where to go.

Since you know this place like the back of your hand, you turn to the right, and follow the straight hallway until it ends. There, you turn left, and find the gathering of colorful victors on the other side.

Finnick spots you right away, and standing beside him is Johanna. There’s a brief exchange between the two of them before Johanna hikes up the bottom of her gold dress and begins to come in your direction, determined.

You can’t help the irritated sigh that escapes you, you come to a stop completely, letting her come to you.

“What is it?” You ask when she comes within earshot.

“(Y/n), I’m sorry.”

“So?” You ask, watching her face drop. “Johanna, what do you think an apology is going to do when you’ve decided to torment and threaten me repeatedly?”

She shakes her head, raising her shoulders to shrug but doesn’t drop them quite yet, “I’m going to drop out of the alliance. You’ll be safer with them than you’ll be by yourself.”

Your face scrunches, “Why do you care if I’m safe or not? I can handle myself.”

“I know you can. I just…” She clenches her teeth, sighing through them. “I’m sorry, I never meant to go that far. Find Finnick in the arena, he’ll take care of you…” She trails off, turning around to leave.

While she walks away, you swear you can hear her murmur under her breath, “For me.”

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galedekarios · 1 year ago

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this is a personal vent post so please let me just get it all out without trying to come at me lol:

so many ppl saying they respect larian's decision to peace out and not deal with hasbro/wotc, but i have to be honest, i don't respect them at all.

they are leaving a game behind that is unfinished and a narrative mess.

they leave a game behind where everyone paid the same amount of money for it, yet depending on which character you prefer, you get less content.

the disparity between everyone else and their writer's pet ast*rion is insane. he has a half to a third more content depending on which character you compare him to.

they leave behind a sparse act 2, which is already so barren compared to act 1 and all it had to offer. act 3 is a narrative mess and lacks structure.

they leave a game behind where they made promises a handful of weeks before release where they ought to have known that they, in fact, will not be delivering said promises: access to the upper city, consequences for playing certain races across the acts (playing a drow is going to be different in act 1 and gives you advantages vs act 3 where it would give you understandable disadvantages), etc etc etc.

they leave behind a game where content was cut from the companions to make it seem like the origins have something to offer when that system is barely able to compare what origin playthroughs offered in dos2 and it hurts the game and the experience (like tara being cut for companion gale).

they leave behind a game where they promised to much variety and proclaimed in panels from hell how they struggled to show the width and depth of the game, but really? it's about as deep as a puddle. a lot of the choices do not matter. kill ethel? nah, she's alive and well in the city. no sister hags to be angry here. give karlach no infernal iron and never talk to her at all? doesn't matter, she'll survive until the end of act 3 and will still call you her bff. dissuade gale to use the orb? we'll make sure he'll still offer 3 more times just in case. send yenna away from camp bc you don't want her there? doesn't matter, she'll stay. and yes, i'm aware these are all small things, but they are part of a larger problem. almost nothing you do truly matters to the point of where i just skip most things in act 1 and 2 now.

they leave behind a game that they promise to still patch, but some things have been broken since early access / release to the point of where i'm like i'm sorry, but your word that you will continue to patch things means about as much to me as all the other empty promises. the dialogue about morena dekarios is still broken and it's been over half a year now. the astral sea scene has low-res body textures for months. i know from mutuals who love minthara that her romance is still broken. and i could go on and on.

and what gets me the most about this is all is that they have learned nothing at all from dos2: act 3 of that game was so bugged and all over the place that i couldn't muster up the motivation to finish it the first time i played. they neglected a character to the point of where he could have been removed from the game or made a general hireling (beast).

those issues were at least attempted to be fixed in the definitive edition.

with swen saying that there will be no new content anymore and stating that both bg3 and its characters are now property of wotc/hasbro, it seems unlikely we'll even get an attempt of a fix.

so what this boils down to to me is just another game company not delivering on their promises after overselling their product and more or less abandoning it after a year to move onto the next big thing.

i don't think i can respect that ngl.

#vg: baldur's gate 3 #series: baldur's gate #text: personal #larian critical #bg3 critical

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angelinthefire · 3 months ago

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Ekko, Viktor, and dialectics

Ekko is a really fascinating character because he has comparatively so little screen time, but is so important to the story of Arcane.

I started to get into my thoughts on him in this post, and I wanted to expand on those ideas some more. And to especially focus on the question of why Ekko is the one who's able to stop Viktor (and give Jayce the opportunity to do his thing), and the significance of Viktor's line, "that device can't be."

To start, let's talk about what Ekko represents.

(As before, I'm going to recommend watching these two videos about Ekko, they're really good)

Ekko occupies a unique place in the narrative. In a story about duality, he exists at the point where dualities meet.

For example with time. Arcane is full of characters who are either very focused on the future, or very focused on the past. You have Vander who can't get over the failed rebellion, and Silco who invests everything in his vision for Zaun. You have Jayce and Viktor who are all about progress, and Vi and Jinx who struggle to escape their past. etc.

Ekko is the one character who fully embraces the present. He honours the past (as we see with the mural), but as he tells Vi, brooding on the past will just make you go crazy. Nor does he have great dreams for the future, his focus is giving people a good life now. He doesn't think that far ahead because he sees the potential in the present moment.

I would also argue that Ekko exists at the intersection of order and chaos, which is probably the greatest duality that exists in Arcane. Partially by virtue of being in the present: Entropy states that systems move from order to chaos over time -- in the past there's order, in the future there's chaos, the present is where they meet. But also because of what he's actually doing in the story.

One of the manifestations of Order vs. Chaos in Arcane is the conflict between Piltover and Zaun (obviously Piltover representing order, Zaun representing chaos). There's an interview with Silco's voice actor where he says something along the lines that he didn't really give up his dream of Zaun for Jinx, because to him, Jinx embodies all chaos that he sees as Zaun's strength, that makes Zaun what it is. Ekko and the Firelights are definitely Zaunite, but they reject Silco's chaotic vision of Zaun; and they reject the oppressive order of Piltover as well. They aren't entirely removed from the situation though, they live on the edges.

I'd also argue that Ekko represents life. In his fight with Jinx, the show really plays up the animal imagery that's associated with them, with Jinx's crow as a harbinger of death, and Ekko's firelight bug, that brings light. Of course there's his whole thing of "It's not enough to give people what they need to survive, you need to give them what they need to live." And then there's the tree. Ekko's commune is probably the most organic-looking location in the show. (I think Caitlyn is the only other one we see in natural surroundings - there's the shooting grounds in her flashback [which takes place in fall when evereything's dying] and then there's the very manicured garden that she goes to. Both of which contrast with Ekko's tree).

And then of course there's Ekko's season 2 story arc. He gets what he thought he wanted with Silco dying, but then the chem barons fighting to take his place makes things worse (which Ekko seems to have never thought ahead to the future enough to consider). He's losing hope, and the tree starts to die. His trip to the alternate universe shows him what kind of potential exists in the things he gave up on (in Zaun, and in Jinx), so that he can go back and fight, not just for his isolated anarchist commune, but for his whole city. He learns that "It's never too late to build something new" - the potential exists now to do that.

That's also when he gets his special power, the Z-drive, that lets him fully make use of the present moment.

Now that that's established, let's talk about dialectics.

Stick with me, I promise this is relevant.

So dialectics is basically the philosophy of change.

It started with the Greeks. Think Heraclitus, "the only constant is change", “No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it's not the same river and he's not the same man” etc. Everything is flowing, interconnected, transforming into each other. But dialectics as a form of thought was formalized in Socratic argument. "Dialectic" comes from "dialogue". You have a thesis, and an antithesis, and they come together to produce a synthesis. Two opposites coming together to form something new.

Fast forward to the late 1700s/early 1800s, and we get Hegel. Who's into dialectics, but sees the Socratic form of it as a "lifeless schema" - it's too formulaic. For Hegel, dialectics is a way of explaining an ongoing process of change through contradiction. All motion is created by contradiction, and motion is inherent in all things.

So for example, there's the unity and interpentration of opposites. Two things that mutually oppose and condition each other. Like two poles of a magnet, prey and predator species that evolve in response to each other, or the working class and capitalist class. They are opposing forces, but neither would exist as such without the other. This also often involves things turning into their opposite, like the polarity of the earth reversing every so often, or someone's greatest strength also being their greatest weakness.

There's the process of the negation of the negation - that is, progress takes place, but not in a straight line. It's more like a spiral, that moves upward while also circling back on itself. Things repeat, but never the same way. Cycles of life and death are a classic example of this, one generation has to die for a new one to take it's place, but the new generation is not a repetition of the one that came before, it has new mutations, or takes on new lessons, or there's more individuals.

And there's the process of quantitative changes building into qualitative changes. This is the idea that change happens slowly, and then all at once (often caused by a shock to the system). Like supercooled water that freezes when it's shocked. Or tension building up in continental plates until there's an earthquake. Or mutations building up in a species until it becomes a new one. Or evolution more generally takes place through punctuated equilibrium, stages of stability, large extinctions, and rapid diversification.

Now, Hegel would not have used any of the examples that I just used, because he was a philosophical idealist - that is, he thought ideas were the driving force of history, not material forces. He also thought that he had developed the Absolute Idea, which capped off the long historic process of development. And that the German state was the realization of the Absolute Idea.

Karl Marx was the one who took Hegel and said, the stuff about change through contradiction is very useful, but the Absolute Idea stuff is ridiculous, let's apply the logic of dialectics to the real world. And then he wrote Capital.

And that's dialectics! Change happens through contradiction, contradiction and change are inherent to life. Contradiction is inherent to life, which means the potential for change is inherent to life. (seriously though, it's really useful analytical tool, if you want to learn more about dialectics, start here)

Back to Arcane!

So, I'm sure you can see how dialectics is incredibly relevant to the themes of duality in Arcane. Like how Zaun and Piltover mutually oppose and condition each other. How there's so much repetition, but each instance has a new layer of meaning. How characters develop along a path and then there's a shock that accelerates things, and how a lot of them became their opposites in season 2.

And this brings us to Viktor.

There's a few characters who make very explicit statements on the theme of the show. Viktor is the one who monologues the most extensively about it though.

His little speech about evolution having an end point is interesting, because it shows even before the attack on the commune, he didn't really get it. The "glorious evolution" is very "Absolute Idea" of him, imagining history has an end point.

But of course the more important part is his monologue at the end of the episode.

To quote directly: "I understand now. The message hidden within the pattern. The reason for our failures in the commune. The doctor was right. It's inescapable. Humanity. Our very essence. Our emotions. Rage, compassion, hate, two sides of the same coin, inextricably bound. That which inspires us to our greatest good, is also the cause of our greatest evil."

Very dialectical, right? He's talking about the unity of opposites. But what's interesting is where he goes from there.

Viktor sees that contradiction, and thinks the solution is to resolve the contradiction, to end it, to solve it like a puzzle.

But what's essential about the unity of opposites is that they don't resolve. They don't cancel each other out, they don't form some lukewarm whole, they co-exist as opposites. A magnet isn't a homogenous mix of positive and negative charges, it has two poles, that's what makes a magnet what it is. The contradictions of a thing are what give it it's characteristics, what give it its movement, and its life. Life itself is a contradiction, an ongoing process of decay and rebirth.

Viktor talks about "The sublime intersection of order and chaos," but he doesn't get what's important about it, that the contradiction is the source of life.

But that's something Ekko does understand.

Ekko's experience is not entirely dissimilar from Viktor's. They both saw the problems in society, and for both of them their response was to try to build these idylic little communes. But they couldn't wall themselves off from broader society, the conflicts of the world made their way in.

But while Viktor concluded that the thing to do was to eliminate contradiction, Ekko learned that the inherent contradiction of life means that there is inherent potential in everything, potential for change, for good alongside bad, and that you can fight to make the potential good into reality.

An end to contradiction means an end to change, which means an end to life. Imperfection is life, perfection is static and dead. This is something that Viktor learns eventually, with future Viktor saying, "I thought I could bring an end to the world's suffering. But when every equation was solved, all that remained were fields of dreamless solitude. There is no prize to perfection, only an end to pursuit."

Ekko represents the true, living intersection of order and chaos, the potential that exists in the contradiction. He represents life. And it's because of that that he's able to stop Viktor.

Viktor is insanely over-powered by the end of the show. It's not sheer power that stops him. It's Ekko using the potential of the moment with his time power who's able to get in a hit against Viktor. And to hit him with the thing that Ekko has mastered, the Z-drive, the physical embodiment of the present, of the meeting of past and future, of potential, of contradiction.

For all of Viktor's efforts, he can't erase contradiction. He thinks he's fixing humanity, but then all of a sudden he's hit with this thing that shouldn't exist. "That device can't be." But it is. It exists because of the potential within humanity, it exists because of Ekko.

#Ekko #ekko arcane #Viktor arcane #arcane thoughts #arcane #I get choked up if I think about Ekko too long lol

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gremlinmodetweeker · 9 months ago

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A Walk in the Woods

So, I had some struggles in my life. I've been homeless since about July 27th, but I've been staying at a friend's home. I'm on disability, so it's hard to make ends meet.

In the depths of my despair, I wrote about König's lonesome walks in the woods.

Edit: As of August 13th, I do nearly have a home now. However, I am still posting this because it reflects an important feeling and something I think about with König. I love writing him as goofy and awkward, but I think sometimes it's important to remember the reality of being a soldier.

TW: Suicide reference, ptsd, references to gore, warfare/active combat discussion, depression, mental illness

Story below Cut

A Walk in the Woods

König goes on long walks alone sometimes.

You might be tempted to come with him, but that would defeat the purpose of the walk, so he’d just have to have you tag along and take another walk later, most likely when you’re asleep.

Long walks in the woods help König calm down. He likes the silence of the forests. Sometimes, if he’s lucky, he’ll hear an owl hooting or see a bat fluttering by. He’s thankfully not the type that mosquitoes are attracted to, so bugs tend to leave him alone if he just gives himself a light spritz with bug spray. He thinks that long ago, his body adapted to the forests. Maybe it was because it was the place he felt most himself, maybe it was because it was where he was most alone. The forests never bothered answering his questions.

On these walks, König has the time to finally think about what’s been going on in his life. When he walks, he thinks about how long he has left to serve. Will he retire when he hits the golden age, or will he retire when his body gives out? Will he even make it to retirement? He doesn’t know. He wonders what will happen to you when he retires. He also doesn't know, which is worse. It frightens him terribly that he knows there’s nothing he can do to protect you from the reality of living with a partner in the military. He’s gotten to a point where he no longer sees warfare, but he does hostage rescues in dangerous cities in more dangerous countries. How long until there’s a chink in his armour?

When he walks he thinks about how he’ll divide his will. He needs to be prepared, as much as he wishes he could live forever. His mother made it until she was in her late nineties, his father just turned one hundred when he passed. He comes from longevity, but does he truly want to live that long? He’s done so much damage to his bodies throughout his years of service. His body could only go on for so much longer, and he didn’t know how long he could last.

When König was younger, he was brave and proud of taking after his grandfather by going into the Austrian Jagdkommando. He was revered by his younger siblings, and his parents had been nothing but proud of him for his decisions. He’d been a strong recruit and quickly risen the ranks to a prestigious title.

Now, as he walks through these lonely woods, he doesn’t quite know how much value his title holds anymore. What worth is a badge and a name if you spend most of your life looking at your partner through a phone, really? Is he even worthy of being a father if he has to spend months overseas? He’s missed so much of his loved ones' lives because of this godforsaken burden he carries. No amount of money could buy back the time he’s lost with his family.

And yet, still, he works. He trains in the barracks, readies his bodies for the next onslaught of bodies and screams when he is deployed into the next battlefield. He knows that when he comes home, he’ll have new nightmares to wake up screaming from. And who will be there to comfort him but you, frantically awoken by his thrashing and screaming as he shoots and kills all over again in his mind’s eye. He lives it over and over again every night. He will until he sleeps one final time. He’s trapped on lands you’ve never seen, lands he hopes you’ll never see in your lifetime. He’s seen so much carnage, there is so much blood on his hands and these same hands are the ones that hold you, cherish you, fuck you. He’s covered you in blood.

His walks carry him deep into the forest. There, he finds a clearing where he’ll look up to see the sky. Some days it’s blue and wide as the sargasso sea, some days it’s swathed in a darkness only split by the twinkling eyes of the gods above. Every time he looks up, he hopes that someone somewhere will see him begging on his knees for forgiveness. He tells you he doesn’t pray anymore, but he prays every time he comes to this clearing. Not for himself, no he’s long since been sent to Hell. He prays for you because he’s afraid that he’ll drag you down with him.

When he comes home, he’ll smile and hug you tightly. You always ask about it, but he never tells you where he went. He keeps telling himself he’ll bring you some day, but he knows he never will. You’ve seen him weak, but he can’t bear to have you see him like this. He wants you to see him smile and laugh and hold his children up above his head and fill the air with the sounds of joy and youth. He’s a strong and powerful aurochs of a man. You may see him stumble when he goes out to the hardware store to fix the latest leak in the sink, but he wants you to see him as a reliable pillar of support.

He prays that you will never see him out in the woods alone. He’s terrified that one day, one fateful day, you’ll go into his clearing to find him way up high among the tree branches.

Story Masterlist

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lightninghikaru · 3 months ago

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Hey prompt for a future later date, and idk if you’ve done this one yet or not. Can you do like a love potion or love bug au between Sonic and shadow for any of your aus really. Non spicy of course lol

So I did a similar prompt a while back with the Tides boys. That's posted on AO3 on my account under the Sonadowtober fic.

Here's the Role swap boys dealing with a love potion/drug

“At last! With this, I'll finally be able to defeat Shadow once and for all!” Robotnik laughed. “It took a while to create something this potent but this serum will turn Shadow against his little friends.”

“The next time I attach I'll inject him with this and he'll do the rest!”

✨

Shadow and Tails fought the army of Robots Robotnik unleashed on Central City. It was a tedious fight but nothing they couldn't handle as long as it stayed like this.

“Need a hand?” Sonic called out, dashing by a group of Badniks and blasting them into the air. The airborne bots are then struck with a barrage of bullets before exploding.

“DESTROY ALL EGGMAN ROBOTS.”

“Surprised to see you here.” Shadow said, knocking a robot away from Tails. “Help me keep them away from Tails so he can shut off the device.”

“Can do!” Sonic began to create a perimeter around them with Omega's help.

“Now it's time to set my plan in motion.” Robotnik said, taking out a small weapon.

Sonic wasn't aware that Robotnik was pointing the weapon at him. Shadow just realizes it just as Robotnik pulls the trigger. “Sonic!”

Shadow was there in a snap, shielding his partner with his own body as the projectile hit him in the chest. “Shadow!” Sonic yelled in a panic, turning Shadow towards him seeing an injection dart embedded on his chest.

The dart was empty…

Robotnik laughs as Shadow begins to stagger. Sonic grabs him by the shoulders to make sure he doesn't fall over. “At long last! I finally won!” He cheered.

“What did you do!?” Sonic snarled.

“I knew your little boyfriend would shield you from an attack. That serum was created to turn him against all of you!” Robotnik taunted.

“Omega!” Sonic turned to his teammate with a panicked look.

“SCANNING.”

“Shadow, stay with me.” Sonic pleaded. Shadow had his eyes tightly shut and let out a groan. He lifts his head and locks eyes with Sonic.

Why did it look like his pupils were heart shaped?

Before Sonic could ask, Shadow grabbed him by the shoulders and pulled him into a kiss, causing him to help in surprise.

Sonic pulls away, flustered by the unexpected affection. Shadow runs his cheeks against his and… Was he purring?!?

“SCAN COMPLETE. SHADOW HAS HIGH LEVELS OF OXYTOCIN IN HIS SYSTEM.” Omega said.

“Oxytocin!?” Tails repeated surprised.

“Is that bad?” Sonic asked, struggling to get out of Shadows' grip. But he had a firm hold on him with his arms wrapped around him.

“It's a natural hormone that releases with affection…” Tails said with a groan.

Shadow was trying to pull Sonic into another kiss but settled on continuing to rub his cheek against Sonics with a soothing pur.

“More clarification please!”

“MOST MEDIA WOULD CALL IT A LOVE POTION.” Omega said.

“What!?” Robotnik yelled angry at not seeing Shadow rip his friends into pieces. “Did I get the calculations wrong?” He mumbled.

“Eggman! Fix him NOW!” Sonic demanded.

“Well, seeing as Shadow has you occupied I can continue to attack you!” Robotnik said as the remaining robots charged at them.

Omega snatches the two hedgehogs into their hand and fires at the Badniks with their other.

“Tails, If you could get them shut down, that would be great!” Sonic said internally annoying Rouge had decided today to bother Knuckles.

“Working on it.” Tails said, frantically typing.

“Okay Shadow, I love you too but I need you to try and focus.” Sonic pleaded. He couldn't move at all now with both Shadow and Omega holding him tight.

Sadly it doesn't seem like Shadow heard him as he's pulled into another kiss.

“SCANS INDICATE OXYTOCIN LEVELS ARE DECREASING. SHADOWS METABOLISM WITH BURN THROUGH THE FORMULA IN APPROXIMATELY FIFTEEN MINUTES.”

Sonic just grumbles through the kiss not understanding what Omega meant. Something about fifteen minutes? His thoughts were becoming dizzy with everything going on.

Eventually, Tails is able to deactivate Eggman's robots and the evil genius is sent running before Omega could get their hands on him. Near the end, Shadow had fallen asleep still holding onto Sonic tightly.

The four head back to Shadow and Tails' home and Sonic lays with Shadow on the couch waiting for him to wake up.

He lets out a groan as he stretches. Bleary eyes beginning to open. Recognizing he was in his living room. “Evening sleeping beauty. Did you have a nice rest?” Sonic joked as Shadow sits up, realizing he was laying on top of Sonic.

“W-what?” Shadow looks at his partner confused. The last thing he remembered was Robotnik shooting at Sonic. He looks down at his chest seeing no wound.

“What's the last thing you remember?” Sonic calmly asked, trying to help sooth Shadows' panic.

“I shielded you from the Doctor's attack.” Shadow said.

“He shot you with a drug he thought would turn you into a killing machine. But he accidentally created a love potion instead.” Sonic explained.

“Love… potion?” Shadow noticed how embarrassed Sonic looked. He wasn't making eye contact and his face was flushed.

“I didn't know you could be that affectionate.” Sonic said with a chuckle. “Omega said you were burning off the serum so they and Tails worked on defeating Egghead while you were preoccupied with me.”

Sonic sees Shadows cheeks turn almost as red as his stripes. It was rather cute. “Don't worry, it was just a lot of kissing and hugging.”

Shadow let out a sigh of relief. “I'm sorry.” Shadow apologized.

“It wasn't your fault. I'm not upset about it or anything. Probably just a little overstimulated that's all.” Sonic said as Shadow scoots a bit further to accommodate him.

“Tails?”

“In the Garage with Omega giving them a tune-up. Think they are also checking out your blood so this doesn't happen again.” Sonic explained.

“Good, I don't like the idea of not being in control. Thank you… for taking care of me.” Shadow said.

Sonic reaches over and places his hand over Shadows. “We're partners, I've got your back just like you got mine.” Sonic said with a smile.

The two relax for the rest of the evening. Shadow secretly plans to pay the Doctor a visit for this newest stunt.

#hikaru short story week #ask game #roleswapau #shadow adventure #sonadow #sonic the hedgehog #shadow the hedgehog #miles tails prower #e 123 omega #fanfiction

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assortedvillainvault · 1 year ago

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Hello! If it's okay to request/ask, headcannon of TFA Blitzwing (each of his personalities) x Reader? Reader has a split or multiple personality. Kinda like Jekyll and Hyde (but sometimes a softie w/ close/loved ones, family/friends), if you're familiar with it. Can be Romantic and/or platonic…

(Gender-neutral/Female) Reader's a human and they aren't involved with any cybertronians situations…

(PS. Thank you if you answer this! if not, I'll enjoy your stuff either way.)

Hi Anon! I’ve been thinking about this one for a while! Sorry for the wait, I have a little bit of history with DID (as in I don’t suffer personally, but have been close with others that do), so wanted to get this one right. Blitwing was unironically a comfort character originally due to said struggles and trying to strike a balance between ‘funky space-german giant robot villain’ and ‘this is a serious real life condition with a lot of misinformation and prejudices’ can get a tad challenging.

Anyhoo, Long post alert. DID is discussed but no real warnings for this one. Lets go!

Blitzwing x DID!Reader

- DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder) results in humans having multiple, distinct personalities – from as few as 3 or 4 (like our favourite triplechanger) to up to 100 in some cases. The Jekyll & Hyde - esque nature of yours is something you’re at least slightly grateful for – at least it’s simple!

- Granted, it doesn’t really help when your city is attacked by giant space robots. Repeatedly. Every week. Both personalities agree it’s a pain in the neck – switching out and coming-to mid war zone with no warning isn’t exactly relaxing.

- Your first meeting was very subtle. Crawled behind overturned cars and bridge rubble, ducking down as the buildings behind you were ripped up with a squeal of steel and concrete. An enormous giant tank/plane/robot shaking the ground, hollering with rage at a bright yellow little car zooming in the distance.

- “JOU PATHETIC LITTLE BUG!! I’LL - cUt JoU iNtO iTTy BiTtY stReaMerS!! HAhAha vE’re gOnNa haVe a PaRty – at jour base, perhaps, now zat ve know where it is, Autobot~”

- You couldn’t believe your fucking eyes -

- “Holy Shit SAME HAT?!”

- Red eyes snap to your dumbfounded expression, narrowing.

- Yeah. Maybe hollering it across no mans land wasn’t the smartest move.

Icy:

- He had no idea his affliction could be shared with organics. He didn’t even realise he was witnessing DID at first as you can’t literally switch faces. Come to think of it – I’m not sure cybertronians even have a word for it. He adopts your terms like a duck to water.

- Of the three he’s the most fascinated observer. He’s quick to document any minor tone shifts or facial expressions to indicate a switch between your two personalities – as well as the speed at which you change, your stressors and mannerisms. He can’t imagine dealing well if someone were to – somehow – get his alters mixed up, so he takes pains to greet both personalities properly.

- Is more likely the one to ask questions and approach the subject scientifically: though he will back off if the ‘Jekyll’ personality gets in his face about being treated like a science experiment. He knows the feeling and despises it.

- Just because he’s calm about it though, doesn’t mean he’s moralistic. Icy has a known sadistic streak and enjoys setting up situations to hurt people (see: the almost-murder of the Constructobots) so he’d be… intrigued to see how far your aspects were willing to go. He’s an enabler of destructive behaviour that specialises in not getting you caught.

Hothead:

- Hothead, by contrast – is much more reactive: blunt and easily confused.

- He will likely get your alters mixed up and become flustered and annoyed until he gets the hang of who is presenting when. Give him a bit, he despises asking Icy for help with anything.

- Yeah, of course he can – what do you MEAN you can’t communicate with your alters internally?? Do organics not come with a built in comm?? What the FRAG-

- He doesn’t like feeling out of sorts about finding someone with his condition. As far as he’d known, they were the only one ever to be split as they are. Someone who knows what it’s like, while desperately needed, is now almost unnerving.

- But he is an excellent vent buddy about multiple personality issues. If your alters want to chat shit about each other then Hothead is DOWN, he has a list of complaints about Icy and Random a mile long – even though airing them gets him interrupted by said alters all the damn time.

- Hothead will encourage violent coping mechanisms to your problems: if you have someone bothering you with some horror-movie assumptive bullshit about your disorder he is 1000% percent encouraging you to lure them behind a building for him to grind under his pedes.

Random:

- NEW FRIENDS?! New friends INSIDE of friends, oh he just wants to stuff you in his mouth and unravel you -

- Random is probably the first of the three to recognise your shared disorder. And when he gleefully tells his alters they don’t believe him (at least at first). Which doesn’t matter because you are now BEST FRIENDS. He’s gonna scoop you up and stuff you in his cockpit and make you a little hole in the mines riiiiiiight next to his berth. Don’t worry about telling him yes - he already knows your address!

- No matter how threatening you might think yourself to be, to Random you are the most adorable schmoopsie moo in the whole galaxy and he will commit war crimes to have you tucked into his pockets.

- Do not. Try him. In one-upmanship. Random knows exactly how far he will go to keep you with him and unlike Icy, who prefers to observe from a distance, Random will actively engage in finding very uncomfortable boundaries very quickly. Pretty much the only way to reign him in is to not play along in the slightest.

- He hates being ignored.

- He wants to hear and know everything about you, and will hop between subjects to a pattern only he knows. He’s exhausting, but probably also the most honest and vulnerable of the personalities.

- With Random, it’s most obvious that Blitzwing has total, universal acceptance of your personalities as they are. No dismissal, no belittling, no questions and no doubt.

- I’d say thats a breath of fresh air.

#thalassa responds #thanks so much for the ask!#blitzwing x reader #tfa blitzwing #x reader #transformers animated #transformers #maccadam #hopefully I did the DID parts right #if anyone sees any glaring errors let me know #blitzwing my beloved I have so many asks for yu in my inbox holy shit

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laneysmusings · 1 year ago

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First of all, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! I'm glad I was able to provide some joy!

Secondly: PLEASE expand on those intimacy issues, I've got some popcorn (and maybe some tissues) ready 🍿

Based off this headcanon: ₊˚✦ cuddle bug but doesn’t look like it immediately — like sure he’s probably got some weird stuff with intimacy beyond sex (I can do a WHOLE other set of headcanons about this man’s issues with intimacy, both sexual and non sexual)

₊˚.༄ Mike Logan Intimacy Headcanons

₊˚✦ he’s presented in the show as a womanizer or a tomcat, not settling down and more-so dating around and sleeping with women casually. In my brain, that frequency of sex with no nonsexual intimacy makes me think he’s had little to no experience with genuine care

₊˚✦ not as if life never handed him opportunities, but Mike doesn’t attach well and hates change even more, seen in his handling of changes in partners from Max to Phil and Phil to Lennie. (The former has more trauma involved but it’s neither the place or time to get into that mess)

₊˚✦ Mike’s just too closed off to comfortably/easily involve himself with a partner and be intimate nonsexually, like being open and talking about things, communicate. I think he struggles with how he views himself and treats himself, and in turn can’t really give everything when he’s got nothing he can even give himself if that makes sense?

₊˚✦ he's had such an unkind home life, between his abusive father and even more abusive mother, any attachment or closeness others seek with him I can see Mike fighting off. Biting the hand that's trying to feed him, y'know? We see it with Lennie when he takes Phil's place and Mike dismisses him and bickers, biting at him. Initially, he's not willing to open up for fear of being vulnerable enough to get hurt again.

₊˚✦ But when you do get him to open up? that luxury of getting to know him slowly and intimately, taking down the walls brick by brick, it's beautiful. I just know that you have to take time, in words or actions, to show him that you aren't going anywhere, anytime soon. That does mean having to trudge through the casual stage of dating and being something different, something more and real with him than the flings he's been known to have (I'm in love with a slut, so what)

₊˚✦ The loyalty Mike shows? his dedication to others around him once he knows that they are not leaving is so vast and deep. It's shown with his partners and those he works with. He entrusts his life with them, working where he does and as he does. Mike eventually entrusts his life with you too.

₊˚✦ with the sexual intimacy, he's not all too hesitant to fuck first and ask questions later, my beloved hoe, but Mike can hold out depending on his relationship. A monogamous king with questionable taste, he can wait a moderate time at least until getting to bed. But not the most chaste partner you'll have. He's got energy, gotta' be spent somewhere.

₊˚✦ when he is attached, with a whole established relationship, he's spending his weekends at your place until the two of you eventually rent and live together. A small apartment with big windows, probably in Brooklyn. He's at your hip when he realizes you aren't going anywhere, and most of your time is lazing about in either of your apartments, in bed, in bed, and on outings where he can wrap his arm around your waist with his hand in your back pants pocket.

₊˚✦ Mike's a bed hog and there's specifically a scene in Sex and the City where a character played by the same actor that plays Mike tugs his love interest back into bed when getting up. It lives in my head rent-free, it should live in all of y'alls heads rent-free, and I say with confidence that Mike sleeps in on his weekends and refuses to be the first to rise from the sheets unless he's back beneath them within several minutes.

₊˚✦ he will invade your personal space, when you're working at home or doing a craft, and will either participate or be near you while you're doing things if he can't help or join. Mike just plays but eventually can learn the concept of parallel play and sharing the space instead of needing to be literally on top of you.

₊˚✦ when Mike gets home from a long or bad day, he usually goes to your shared home and changes into softer clothes then joins you on the couch. You thread your fingers through his hair and massage his scalp and temples, making him bury his face into your stomach as he lays his head on your lap, groaning as you manually shed the day away and send him melting into you.

₊˚✦ Before you two shared a living space, he would go to yours on rougher days or just pick you up on his drive home, eager to be with you and around the comfort you bring. Mike can isolate but you know when to press him to talk and when to just let him decompress in quiet.

₊˚✦ overall, he's hard to get to open up but you won't get him to leave once you do. You put in the effort, the time to getting to know him and gain his loyalty and adoration — you're the one that's stuck with him. And you couldn't be happier.

#line dividers by @benkeibear #mike logan #law and order #asked and answered #detective mike logan #michael logan #mike #my bby #mike x reader #mike logan x reader #detective mike logan x reader #law and order x reader #x gn reader #x gender neutral reader #x reader #mike logan law and order #law & order

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enchantedbat · 5 months ago

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More minor/background characters!

Back with the fairies!

Katy - Fairy of Animals

every fairy of animals has a deeper connection to an animal type (Roxy dogs, Katy cats)

actual animal features (like teased in the show)

comes from a planet where people are most likely hybrids / have animal features

feline physiology meaning: extremely athletic, sharp teeth and nails, heightened senses, treads lightly

deep connection with animals, can understand them

mimic the abilities, traits, and behavior of animals

she can change her features into animal ones too, even her wings!

shapeshift (potentially)

she is fearful of mice which is kind of ironic as fairy of animals, so I believe, she is quite overwhelmed by her powers and animal connection

unlike Roxy, she has not a natural good relationship with them, it develops over time

that makes using magic hard for her because she doesn’t believe in herself that much

Katy has nine “lives” like a cat and earned her Enchantix by sacrificing herself (and losing her last life)

Khadija - Fairy of Rhythm

I planned that she’s from Eros too, like Ahisa & they have a friendly competition who becomes the Fairy Guardian first (rivals to friends to lovers)

then she earned her Enchantix by saving Ahisa but that's already Ahisa's story, so... (I didn't notice it till I re-read it. Originally, they were all written down in the same document.)

alternative: She saves her parents.

amazing dancer and perfected all but it got too much doing them all

changed rather often before settling on just doing what is fun for her

confident and independent but more in a “if nobody comes with me, I am going by myself”-sense (Aisha/Layla admired that a lot since she was less independent by choice and more forced to be alone)

She, Francis, Musa, Aisha/Layla and later Mirta had their own dancing group and weekly hangouts to talk about concerts to visit

I struggle a bit with her powers because I like to explore the depth of the girls’ powers (as you may have noticed) and just give hints what they could accomplish

rhythm manipulation could be vibration and wave manipulation (elemental powers)

dance powers, dance manipulation could be sleep inducing and tiring people out OR wake them up, give them back energy

body and mind control by controlling heart beats and sending brainwaves

AND based on which direction her powers take, her attire would be different. for example more ballet-inspired when controlling people like a music box figurine or puppet with strings

Dahlia/Francine - Fairy of Rivers

one of the fastest fairy at Alfea (second only to Lavigne)

water-based powers

lake and river manipulation

water body creation

superspeed, speed related powers

accelerated perception, accelerated thought process

aquatic enhanced speed

can run over water

slowing down others

dislikes insects and bugs

bonds with Katy over having issues to really connect with her powers

she had a hard time coming to terms with her powers because she is from an urban realm and lived in a big futuristic city with hardly any nature

she drags the girls to Magix City almost every day

Dahlia earned her Enchantix by saving an ancient creature that once lived in her homeworld

Honorable mentions:

Kimmy - Fairy of Thunder

Lavigne - Fairy of Speed

Karina - Fairy of Perfume

Oleana - Fairy of Leafs

Alice - Fairy of Ice

Loni - Fairy of Electricity

Miky - Fairy of Rock

(and I also gave some powers to others.)

Selene - Fairy of Night

Kylie - Fairy of Luck

(the younger fairies get their own post someday. I promise.)

#winx club #winx fairies #winx background characters #part 3 #maybe I will do more of these fairies but I don't want it to be forced #winx dahlia #winx francine #winx katy #winx khadija #might edit later

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joshay98 · 3 months ago

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Hey Mom, Dad and Lil' Bro!

6. Star Guidance

“Hey Mom and Dad I really hope I didn’t worry you too much about my last letter. Ach, what am I writing? You always worry about me. Ok but listen, we got a plan!

So, today we got invited to meet “The Prince.” He currently reigns over a large city that floats in the Sky. We left Bowel in his bed for now. He looks like he needs some alone time.

We traveled through like a portal I think? Most importantly the city has this massive tower that the Prince resides in. And a really big library is inside of it. Hope once I establish enough trust I can read through some of these.

The Prince introduced himself as the ruler of the city. Very calm person. And, unlike the queen, a lot nicer.

He already heard of the trouble we were in, so he wanted to lend us a hand. In short, he wants to establish connections to other worlds, for their good, and use those for political might. Apparently the rulers in this realm have been in a power struggle for a while now. And having anything “exotic” might just be what he needs. In return he will try to haggle for August’s release. Hope he also figures something out for Lune…

Ah, yeah, Lune. She is the daughter of the queen. I mentioned her in my last letter. Still can’t believe the queen just abandoned her own daughter. She seems very sad… I mean, yeah, accurate reaction to her situation but it seems she is in general a very sad person. She really needs someone that truly cares for her.

We also got another one to help our group. She was specifically designated to our group from the Prince. I believe she mostly got assigned to us to be a bodyguard, just in case.

Sanga Rose? I believe that’s how you pronounce it. Still haven’t come up with a shorter way. Maybe just Rose? She is a bit of a handful. You remember how much of an angsty bug I was when I was younger? Yeah, she is like that. Really a “I don’t care about the world or anything”-type. Eh, maybe I just need to get through that hard shell of hers. Figuratively…

Our first destination is some kind of island. The Prince told us that it was built on the corpse of a giant beast. Not so dissimilar to Kingdom’s Edge! We are here because magic here is very common and easy to use. Most just spin their hands around and it works. I’m soooooo jealous of them! There is something called “Construction Magic” here. Imagine if I could learn that! Bend the hardest materials with a flick! But then again, it also kind of ruins the art of creating something yourself… hmmm.

So far we met a friendly citizen of the island. A bit kooky but otherwise very helpful. I think I could learn a lot here!

So, yeah I guess I will be dimension-hopping for a bit. A fairy-tale come true! But do you notice how big of an opportunity this is? If the Prince wants to actually establish connections to other worlds then that means there is the chance that he wants one with Hallownest! We could be ambassadors for them! Which could lead into an audience with the King. There is a good chance we might get big help here if we can do this!

This is the opportunity of a lifetime here! Please hope it all works out!

Also, please don’t let Shen know I’m so in over my head. I don’t want my sibling to worry about me. He should only worry about what he plays tomorrow.

Hope for my best, Levee.

P.S. Sorry, no doodle today. Had my hands a bit full.”

#Voiding DnD #OC: Levee #Hey Mom Dad and Lil' Bro!#JoshayArt #JoshayWriting #Yup this turned into an dimension-hopping adventure!#And I'm looking so forward to it! Getting to meet different characters is exactly the experience that Levee needs.#Being a shut-in in the city definitely doesn't help with getting to meet people. So this will be a good exercise for her! ^^

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moghedien · 6 months ago

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obsessed with the saga of Selûnite drow mommy vs Shadowheart’s deeply rooted Mother Superior issues & goodest girl complex. her selûnite closet is made of GLASS. what does your character think about everything that’s happening between the two of them?

So usually I think of characters for a while before I play them but this one I was just like “I wanna make a drow Selunite” and made one the same day without much thought so I’m like developing a backstory and how she acts in the moment more so I’ll probably be in a different spot as the pt goes on

I’ve played a very dogmatic lolth cleric before (literally would not let myself kill spiders even though the game wouldn't really punish me for) and so I’m being much more chill this time for playstyle diversity which does help when you have a Sharran yelling at you about how your goddess sucks. I gave her an urchin background and the game still tagged me as being from the underdark, and I imagine being an urchin child in the underdark to be a bad time, so I’m like “there’s no way this girl grew up as a selunite because there’s no moon underground so she to have been converted once she came to the surface.”

All this to say, that in order to go from an underdark urchin from some drow city to a relatively chill cleric of Selune, she’s got to have dealt with most of her baggage and hang ups already. So she meets the most obvious Sharran in the world (who is probably also the first Sharran she’s met) who very very clearly has not dealt with literally anything in her personal life ever, and it’s just like “well let’s explore this.”

Admittedly her interest in Shadowheart was probably just “what the fuck is this Sharran doing” and wanting to see where this went. Like she’d want to keep an eye on a potentially dangerous person while also being somewhat practical about taking help where help is offered.

But then Shadowheart is being cagey as fuck while also begging for them to stick together, and seeing her be very clearly wanting to help people and be nice and struggling against that (and sometimes feeling literal pain when she does) and it’s less a vague interest in what the suspicious Sharran is doing more a specific interest in what the fuck is going on while Shadowheart and getting more and more confused the more she learns until she can finally get the girl to admit that she’s a Sharran.

And then when she does admit that she’s a Sharran, she just starts yellling about how shitty Selune is which is admittedly hilarious. I made the choice in the moment to basically never shit talk Shar or Sharrans to Shadowheart. Partially because that tends to end conversations early but mostly to counter how aggressive and clearly upset Shadowheart is every time she has to think of Selune.

At the point I’m at now, I just got her to admit to being Sharran and then she talked to me about wanting to be a DJ so we’re really just at the beginning of the Selunite vs Sharran tension between them and I don’t think my Selunite girly is gonna realize there’s like actual like attraction/romance until the first romance scene. Right now she’s just constantly going over to Shadowheart like “I wanna study her like a bug” because she wants to know how Sharrans think of Shar and Selune and how their religion actually works and whatnot. She is someone who was drawn to Selune so she wants to see what it takes for someone to be drawn to Shar and what that life looks like compared to hers.

And I mean she also has like an incurable disease where she has to help every shitty little kid she finds because of her upbringing as a shitty little kid with no one to help her, so it’ll probably trigger something in her once she gets the scene where Shadowheart shows her what happened to her as a kid. Also because of some things im thinking about with my Selunite’s own conversion involving that rite

Once the romance kicks off tho I imagine she’ll be thinking a whole lot of complicated things about what’s going on between them and she’s gonna be like clawing at her thigh resisting the urge (lol) to just be like “please leave Shar” but I also never wanna like specifically ask/tell her to deconvert from Shar/convert to Selune. It’s all gonna be a big fucking mess with Shadowheart never wanting to discuss their religious tensions because it’ll ruin the mood while that’s literally all my girl wants to talk about because thats what’s getting her into the mood

#sorry if you ask me about my characters i will talk forever #bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #Shadowheart #selunite tav #long post

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bluegekk0 · 1 year ago

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does hallownest have pride parades?

Oh that is a pretty interesting question, I'd love to ramble about this. I'm going to say that no, they don't, but not because their society would be against it. Quite the opposite, actually.

The way I imagine it, their culture is far more animal-like than ours in many aspects. They do have morals, obviously, and more complicated social structures and views that distinguish between those who break the law and those who follow it. That being said, it's far from what you see in our society - they don't have an elaborate justice system, so for example, a murderer will simply be executed for their crime without an extended trial, and killing someone in a fair duel doesn't raise any eyebrows. Death is a part of their life and it's not as big of a deal as it is for us, humans. Though things like murder and other serious crimes are frowned upon. The laws are in place to maintain order and peace between different species that coexist, and embrace progress, even if many of their values do not overlap with ours (for example, in some cultures, eating other sapient bugs isn't even considered a crime, though naturally that wouldn't fly in most places).

I mention this, because those kind of animal-like views also contribute to how they see concepts like gender or sexuality. While reproduction and having offspring is an essential part of an animal's life, individuals that engage in behaviors outside of the norm aren't ostracized, discrimination simply isn't really a thing. And I think this aspect would carry over to those living in Hallownest and many other lands in their world. Relationships between different species are generally widely accepted (as for how that even works when it comes to producing young, I won't get into the biology. "It just works" as Todd Howard would say) And similarly, a same-sex couple or someone who explores their gender in ways that go against their biological sex would not be frowned upon, it would simply not be a big deal for most.

I say most, cause I do imagine there are some species/cultures where such behaviors would be questionable at best and treated with hostility at worst. Perhaps some of them put great value in relationships that result in offspring, maybe their mating rituals are so essential in their culture that couples that can't perform them the way it's intended are seen as outcasts and shunned. As an example, I actually have lore that touches on similar concepts with my Lurien interpretation - his species is extremely rare, encouraging relationships only within its kind that can produce children, and its quite unique wedding traditions put a massive emphasis on their sexual dimorphism, which unfortunately leads to discrimination against those who don't fit those norms.

But those would be a minority, and I think most of the communities living in Hallownest would have a much more accepting view on same sex couples and so on, in many ways thanks to FPK's accepting and open nature. Ever since he became the king, he encouraged peace between different communities and believed in a united society, where bugs reject their brutal beastly instincts and instead live as one big community (though unfortunately that part backfired, leading to hostility towards those deemed as "beasts", propagated among the upper class of the City). A naïve view, perhaps, but the bugs still followed the ways of their king.. While he himself struggled with his own sexuality for many years, primarily due to his lack of experience with relationships, he's always been supportive of those who openly embrace their identities.

And because their society has never dealt with substantial discrimination, there was also no need for events such as pride parades - to them, love is love no matter what, so there is no need for specific holidays. If there is a day dedicated to love, then love of any kind is celebrated.

I hope this makes sense. I think their society being so much more accepting than ours despite its animalistic ways is quite interesting. Not to mention, there's a lot of comfort to be found when exploring a world that simply welcomes queer identities as part of life. You might get stabbed and robbed by a bandit in the City if you're alone at night, but at least you can hold hands with your partner and not get called a slur. Love wins ♡

#ask stuff #feral pk au #save #fpk au: hallownest #fpk au: worldbuilding

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yzafre · 28 days ago

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I am sorry this has been bugging me for months. I know you said you don’t like going the route I am about to ask because of fandom discourse. But I genuinely genuinely want to know your opinion on 03 and 12 Raph. I know you like him in tales and in rise. I like your meta posts.

Oh, hey! Pretty sure I know who you are. I don't mind this question! I think my issue last time was the specific question you asked in context of the posts I was putting out at the time. I'm more than happy to talk about my opinions on characters lol.

I think I've talked before about how 03 Raph is one of my favorite Lancers I've seen, but it bears repeating. City at War lives rent free in my head because like. Okay Leo may be spouting the more obviously "morally correct" opinion, but... I'm kinda on Raph's side? They are just 4 kids and this whole situation is WAY too big for them.

He is, generally, really stable for someone who's both a "hot-headed" (though generally he comes across more as "grumpy" to me than having a true dangerous temper, Casey's intro episode not withstanding) and with some emotional repression issues (Tales of Leo and it's character work, my beloved). When he can take a step back, he's got a really steady head on his shoulders.

He strikes me as the most fascinating mix of emotionally competent and emotionally incompetent. Like... There are times when he just gets his brothers - especially Leo - and knows how to give them what they need while they're struggling through their own battles. But he gets overwhelmed by his own emotions - maybe just doesn't even want to touch them, resulting in some of his lashing out?

Ha, sorry, it's been months since I watched an episode of 03, I'm not going to be very coherent on this front.

Honestly, he reminds me a lot of Eliot from Leverage? (To be clear, this is a good thing, I fucking love Leverage). Someone once did a Raph and Don animatic to a clip from Leverage and it was pure perfection.

'12 Raph... Okay, first we need to put this in context: I am generally very "meh" about the character writing in 2012 compared to the other iterations I've seen. And to be clear, this is not to do with the characters themselves per se - on paper I find what they're starting with very interesting - but with the fact the writing direction doesn't seem that interested in exploring them in depth.

And this is fair! It's not the type of story they were telling. But it left me feeling underwhelmed across the board.

That being said! 2012 makes my brain go crunch-crunch-squeak like it's a chew toy, so being a character arc girly I have a long list of things I noticed they could have developed on. (These will probably be synthesized more clearly into a post like my April one after I do a rewatch later this year)

The very first episode set Raph up as the winner of their free-for-all, establishing him as possibly the best pure combatant. I've talked about this with a friend, and we agree Raph as a battle-master in comparison to Leo developing as a strategist/duelist would have been interesting.

On that subject - as weak as I think the Farm House Arc was, Raph there was fascinating. Not just the angst of him staying by Leo's bedside (the heartbreak, the devotion), but also how he interacted with his brothers? The eagerness (*cough* desperation) that he showed in working with Leo to get him back on his feet. His glee on making plans to get Mikey and Donnie back into shape. First: his enthusiasm in being there/supporing his brothers (mostly Leo) is precious. Second: he gives off strong "would become a personal trainer if he was human" vibes that makes me think he... Might be better at taking over team training than Leo would?

It's been noted that Splinter's way of trying to lead him through his anger issues is... Not good. And like. Yeah. I don't think any of the later episodes ever wrapped this little "character arc" well, and I would have been interested in more attention being paid to him finding his own way of handling the issue. I guess there's a "stop making characters use therapy speak, not everyone figures out their emotions" argument to be made about that, but.... I still think it would have been interesting to see him work through it in his own way, even if he didn't ever have perfect control/understanding! Idk

Continuing that thread: multiple things can be true: sometimes Raph blows up in ways that are way out of touch, he can't lose himself every time and enemy gets a good dig in or he will end up dead, and also his brothers need to be kinder to him goddamn. The times when he's genuinely trying but they just keep picking at him. Teenagers, man. Like it's realistic for their age, but I do wish this was a more character-focused narrative so we could see them grow through that.

I think there's something very interesting going on with the "I was just really determined to win" -> ego -> self-perception/self-worth that could be explored

He's got a strong sense of justice, I think? iirc a lot of the time when he's getting worked up about them taking too long/Leo being to cautious, he mentions something along the lines of "the bad guys are out there doing yadda yadda and we're doing nothing and they're getting away with it!" Which is. A lot to unpack there.

For better or worse, his attitude is strongly flavored in the circa 2010... Everything. Like they've all got it but he is peak concentration. There's upsides and downsides to that.

I think 2012 had more missed potential than 2003 from a writing perspective, so it's gone in circles in my mind more, haha. Not to mention the 2012 fic I want to eventually write.

Anyways, yeah! My brain may not have latched on to the Raphs like it did some other characters, but I like them! They've got some fun stuff going on.

#tmnt #tmnt 2012 #tmnt 2003 #yza talks about a thing

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fruityuncleskeletor · 10 months ago

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I'm so sorry if I sound like a cunt right now but I have so much trouble empathising with rich people when they're "sad". And I get it, idol life sounds like it can be a nightmare half the time, but they know what they're signing up to. Most of us will never have this kind of opportunity in life, or even escape poverty with the way the world is. And sure, money can't buy true happiness but it sure as hell eliminates the vast majority of stressors that drive people into deep depression and gives access to all the treatments and meds that improve your condition. Maybe this makes me a horrible person but I'd much rather go through trauma and depression in a mansion being able to feed myself and my loved ones, all my bills paid on time, than struggle with depression as is plus the depression of having to choose between eating or paying rent. He could retire tomorrow and have his life set.

You know what? Your feelings are valid AND justified. I feel the same most of the time. Buuut... There's also a halo effect at work, surrounding celebrities - just because they are attractive and competent in one area, we tend to assume they are ethical people and in our minds, they can do no wrong. Their PR machine definitely works hard to confirm this biased view we hold of them.

My tags on the story video have just as much chance to be projection as they do to be a reflection of his emotions and intentions while posting that video. There was just something so endlessly sad to it - the fact that he is bare-faced and not smiling at all, and how he shifted the focus towards that one lonely insect in that tiny, mostly dry patch of flowers. It made me feel horrible because I forgot all about festival season and favourite bands and it reminded me that the bugs are fewer and fewer, we have no more seasons in Europe and the heat in the cities is making the elderly die in their homes. I have definitely said it before: I too would prefer to weep in a Ferrari than on a fucking bus. And I am a bigger, saltier cunt for thinking how easy it would be for celebrities to be vegan, to not wear fur and leather, to not work with corrupt brands, to tell people to really think it through before having kids they cannot afford to raise - and seeing that none of my faves are engaging in that. Because being famous and rich is more rewarding than being compassionate and using your platform to ACTUALLY change the world for the better by changing the people you touch with your art. But that stance can definitely coexist with compassion towards him. He could be my child, age-wise, and he seems to have a harder and harder time with the demands of celebrity. And even if he's feeling despair at the state of the world while dripped in Louis Vitty from head to toe, he would still get a hug from me. We're all trapped in this hell together and HE is definitely not the one who's keeping you and me poor and making the oceans boil. Oh and by the way: money doesn't buy happiness, but it definitely buys you the freedom you need to search for happiness. I'm definitely struggling right now, and feeling shame about it too. So we're not looking at things from that different of a perspective. By the end of this summer, all my friends will have seen SKZ live somewhere near them and I will feel really poor and left out. I can't even say, "fuck it! I won't have a future anyway, better live it up now" because I am too salty and it costs nothing to have my friends think I'm a fake fan for not traveling to another country and paying one month's paycheck to see men shaking their butts on a tiny-ass stage far away. So not engaging in that kind of sacrifice just to see my current obsession band is all I can afford right now.

#ask #answered #thank you for sending this bit #these are feelings we all have but no one teaches us how to address them #because it's not socially acceptable to hold the rich accountable #and the rich are always presumed innocent because of the Protestant belief that wealth is awarded by God to the most righteous humans #but that's just old insidious church propaganda and must be questioned every step of the way

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ozimagines · 3 months ago

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I was wondering if you had any thoughts on what would happen if Chico got paroled. I think in show he wasn't eligible until 10 years... but maybe a miracle happens?? I hope that you are feeling better!

Ohhhhhhh… what have we here? War Boy getting out on parole? Now that would be fun! Said he had 17 years till parole, but in most of my out of Oz fics, in my mind, the prosecution of Kibbler actually holds water and many guys are released early. So that’s what I’ll do here. I wonder how many changed he’d have to make to give him a happy ending? Because that’s my goal on this page. I want to give every character a happy ending where maybe they’re not where they wanted to be but they’re where they need to be. That’ll be my headspace writing this.

(Sorry it took me so long on this request. Actually did a little soul searching to write this. I haven’t been shy about my mental health struggles. We’re still fiddling with diagnoses rn but I’ve definitely got a mood disorder, and a thought disorder, but I’m taking an mmpi to see if I have a personality disorder to go along with everything. Writing this kinda made me think about what I’d have to change to get my happy ending. As much as I see myself in Robson, I also see a lot of myself in Chico. He’s not evil, but he’s impulsive and it ends up biting him in the ass more times than not, and I can certainly relate on the drugs front (been sober about two months now. Don’t know exactly how I feel about it yet). Anyway, long way of saying that writing this helped me, so thank you for the request.)

Chico Guerra getting paroled would include…

First thing he feels is panic. Like a wave crashing over him. He feels like he got away with something.

And really, he did. He’d served a mere fraction of his sentence. Murder one. Only fifteen years in, and about a million infractions and violations to boot, and he’d still be seeing daylight before anyone else. It was an odd feeling. Getting away with murder.

Didn’t feel nearly as good as he’d hoped.

There was something missing.

Maybe it was the drugs.

Since doing weekly piss tests, the drugs were something he missed. Maybe not all the side effects… it was nice to have his dick working again, not that he’d had much use for it in Oz after they cancelled conjugals.

But he missed the feeling of drugs. The wildness of them. Life was so mundane, especially in Oz, though he wasn’t exactly batting a thousand before it.

He had this restlessness that was hard to ignore. Something always prodding him towards some sort of extreme action. He was never good at overriding his impulses.

Dr. Phil had been on in the common area in Em City one day. Chico thought he was a piece of shit fake television doctor but hey, what the fuck did he know. He did say one thing that stuck with Chico though.

He had said there was a difference between an irresistible impulse and an impulse not resisted. Chico had thought about that long into the night times, and sometimes would wake with the first thing on his mind. Which one was he? He’d always told himself that his impulses were irresistible, and no one in his position would be doing any better. He had these itches inside of him, crawling beneath his skin like creepy bugs. They compelled him to act, and he always did what they told him to do.

He was sure if he’d mentioned it to anyone, they’d think he was as crazy as Alvarez.

Maybe he could resist these impulses, but had always chosen not to. Wasn’t too far fetched. Maybe that’s what everyone in Oz had; impulses they chose not to resist. No. It couldn’t be. That would make them bad people, he figured, and he wasn’t a bad person. Not a good man by any means but not a bad one. Not a real monster anyway.

He nearly shit himself when the Kibbler case came on the news, saying they’d be handing out overturned sentences. His heart had stopped when his lawyer told him there was a chance. His entire body went numb when they’d declared his sentence overturned.

He was packing up his cell when Morales came to him. They’d not exchanged many words about it. Besides the fact that Enrique was jealous, he also knew Chico would be sticking to his best behavior so as to not end up in Oz again, meaning his usefulness had come to an end.

Chico had packed up most of his stuff, his fingers still tingling with staticky, unreal feelings. Part of him didn’t believe for a second that he’d be released. Some part of him thought they’d lead him to the door and tackle him to the ground. He was picturing it when Morales placed a hand on his shoulder, and he jumped.

“Lo siento, hermano, but I did say your name twice.” Morales said softly. Chico nodded and didn’t say anything. Didn’t trust himself to. Some part of him figured that his sentence would be worse in Enrique’s hands than in that corrupt gringo judge. “So, you’re getting out today?”

“Yeah.” Was all Chico said, running his tanned fingers through his head of black hair. He shrugged as if to say ‘whatever the fuck that means’. Morales smiled softly and looked down at the ground.

“Can… I need a favor from you.”

Those were the words Chico had hoped he wouldn’t hear. He fumbled for his words, trying to say no without getting fucking killed.

“Not that kind of a favor. A personal one.” He fished something out of his wallet. It was a picture of some kid; a little girl about three years old. “This is Allita. She was… is, I guess, my kid.”

Chico furrowed his brow but didn’t say anything, just kind of going over the little girl’s face in his mind, committing those sparkly eyes and that little cheeky smile into his brain.

“This is her at three. She’s, Hell, gotta be twenty five now. Haven’t seen her since this picture. I… I left her mom to raise the kid alone when she was a little.” He sighed, taking the picture back from Chico and going over those eyes again, the same dark, penetrating eyes as her father yet somehow kinder, and full of life. He suddenly made eye contact with his lieutenant. “I always regretted that, Chico.”

“You want me to find her?” He asked, zipping up his bag and turning thoughtfully to Enrique, pretending not to notice a little weakness in his former boss’s eyes. “Get her to come to Oz and see you?”

Morales chuckled and shook his head.

“No. She won’t come here. I tried to get her to come a few years ago. She told me, in as many words, that she hated me for what I did to Mitzi, her mom. Said I was living the life I deserved.” He pursed his lips and tried to force out his next words. “Said… if I had just stayed with them, it would be different now. That I would have had a life.”

“Shit, man.” Chico breathed, knowing how bad those words must have hurt him. He’d had the wind knocked out of him when his ex-girlfriend married that Hawaiian guy. Couldn’t imagine hearing those words from your own kid.

“Yeah.” Morales summarized, again, blinking the shimmer out of those normally intense eyes. “Anyway, she won’t come here, so… can you just check on her and tell me if she’s… y’know…”

“If she’s okay?” Chico finished and Morales shook his head.

“No, if she’s happy. That’s all I want, y’know. Just for her to be happy and healthy. I just need to know that, and I’ll leave her alone forever. I just need to know I didn’t fuck her up.”

Chico nodded, having already accepted the task in his head, placing a hand on Morales’ shoulder and squeezing reassuringly.

“Sure thing, jefe.”

They embraced awkwardly and Chico got his bag ready to go.

No one tackled him at the door, they just had him sign for his belongings, minus the crack he’d had on him at the time of his arrest. Just a watch from his late brother, his wallet, and a pack of blue raspberry bubble gum, if you could believe it.

He popped a piece in his mouth and made a face at the staleness, walking towards the door and out to his freedom.

Carlo had gotten out a year before him, on parole after the stabbing. He was waiting by the car, leaning against the hood with his arms crossed, ready to receive his brother in arms, as it were.

“Hey, la familia.” Carlo quoted, embracing Chico as warmly as he’d ever been embraced. He knew Carlo really did think of him as family, which was good, he figured, as the rest of his family was dead or never existed.

They drove mostly in Chico’s silence and Carlo’s explanation about how things had changed on the outside.

“There’s this thing, it’s like a program for the new phones that are out; TikTok. Like, videos less than a minute long, usually, about everything from facts to fiction to inane shitposts.”

Chico snorted as he explained what a shitpost was, still looking out the window at the world he’d left so many years ago. The buildings were some new and some old. The clothes were some new and some old. He was some new and some old.

When they’d gotten to Carlo’s apartment, Chico was already spent for the day, the travel and peopling taking a lot out of him. He slept like shit, loving the bed but hating where his mind was taking him.

All those people he’d hurt or killed, sort of dancing in his mind all blurry and dreamily. People who’d never get the chance he was just given. All the lives he’d ruined.

Then there was Allita, the representation of the life he’d never had.

Carlo woke him up.

Apparently he was clawing at his neck again.

When he awoke the next day, he’d started his search for Allita, scouring the internet with Carlo’s assistance. The fuck was Tinder anyway?

Carlo had found her Insta, her posing with some guy with a nondescript face. They’d only been dating a year or so from what her stories told. He knew it was her when he’d found her, because she had those same eyes. Same smile.

They found out that she worked at a Starbucks-like coffee house, one of about a thousand new locations since Chico had been away. He found the shop on Google Maps, and after ignoring some comments from Carlo that he was built to be a stalker, he grabbed Carlo’s keys and left.

The coffee shop was empty, for the most part, some song playing over the radio. Dominoes.

“Dominoes, dominoes, dominoes falling… you build us up just to knock us back down, funny why you act surprised when we hit the ground…”

“Hi, welcome to Cafe Roma. How might I provide you with excellent service today?” She chirped at him when he got to the front of the line. He waffled for a moment before ordering.

She was wearing all black, a couple of face piercings and tattoos, but a smile on her face. She did look pretty happy, and not just in a customer service type way.

“I’ll… fuck… just a small black coffee.”

“Short black Americano or just a demi of espresso?”

“I… I don’t know. Whichever I guess.”

She might as well have been speaking Swahili.

She giggled.

“Big coffee guy, huh?”

“Used to be. Thought I knew most of the words but…” he gestured vaguely to the menu. “Fuckin’ thing’s in hieroglyphics now.”

“Why haven’t you had coffee in the last ten years?” She laughed, ringing in his order.

There was no one else in line, so he decided to chit chat before springing the news.

“I… just got out of Oz… shit, I mean Oswald-“

“I know what Oz is.” She snipped a little, face becoming a little less kind than before, but she shook it off quickly. “Have someone in there myself.”

“Anyone I know?” Chico baited.

“Hope not. Person I know is a real piece of shit.” She spat, handing him his receipt. “No offense.” She came back quickly.

“No, you’re pretty much on the money for most of us.”

Some indie song came on the speaker now. He didn’t know the band, so he asked.

“Mountain Goats,” she informed, starting to make his easy coffee order.

“From the cities to the swamplands… From the highways to the hills… Our love has never had a leg to stand on… From the aspirins to the cross-tops to the Elavils… But, I will walk down to the end with you… If you will come all the way down with me…”

“Seriously, it’s gonna bother me.” Chico lied. “You look so familiar. Is your Oz connection related to you?”

“Yes.” She answered, tersely. “My biological father.”

“As opposed to-“

“As opposed to anyone who had any hand in raising me.”

“Right. Sorry.” He shrunk back, taking his coffee. She sighed.

“Enrique Morales?” She questioned, and he snapped his fingers as if the realization was just coming to him.

“That’s who.”

“Yeah well, you’re doing a helluva lot better than he is if you got out. That motherfucker’s gonna rot in there.”

“You’re pretty mad at him.” He observed, and she shrugged as if to say ‘what else?’ “I guess I’m just curious. You seem to be doing well for yourself despite not having him around.”

“I’m doing well because I didn’t have him around. If he’d have stayed, he’d have poisoned my life like he did his own. Don’t get me wrong, I was always hurt he left to just fuck around and do crime, again, no offense. It made me feel like I was worth less than the rush. Less than the money and power. But he taught me the most important lesson ever, by leaving; he taught me what I could handle, and apparently, I can handle a lot. I’m stronger because of it.” She concluded, sort of cocking her head at him. Be nodded and sipped his coffee.

“How?” Was all he asked.

“There’s a poem… I studied English in school, and there was one guy I wrote a thesis on; William Wordsworth? Familiar?”

He shook his head, so she started reciting.

“What though the radiance which was once so bright, be now forever taken from my sight, and though nothing can bring back the hour, of splendor in the grass, of glory in the flower, we grieve not, rather find, strength in what remains behind.” She started to clean the counter absentmindedly. “The trick isn’t focusing on what’s lost, just finding those moments that last a lifetime and keeping them close. Find whatever the strength is in what remains, I guess.”

His chest contracted a little, sucking in breath and not seeming to let it go.

“How do you do that?” He asked, forgetting the tact of his questions and simply asking what was on his mind.

She smiled sadly.

“Like you do anything else; one step at a time.”

“I… thank you.” Was all he said. He had enough to report to Enrique now. She was just fine without him. Just fine.

He threw a tip in the jar and turned to leave, before hearing;

“Tell Dad I said thank you.” She called to him, and his head whipped around to see her smirking, still a little sadly. “For teaching me how strong I am.”

He nodded his head in the affirmative and left, her words burning through his head like hot metal through snow.

He drove around a little and kept that poem rolling over the grooves of his brain.

“Strength in what remains behind.”

He put on the radio; some country station.

“I don't know about tomorrow… But right now the whole world feels right… And the memory of a day like today… Could get you through the rest of your life”

“Find those moments that last a lifetime.” Still drifting in his head.

He waited for Enrique to call and told him the news. He could hear the muscles in his body relaxing at that news.

“Thanks, Chico.”

“She’s… she’s pretty fuckin’ smart too.” He mentioned what she said to him, and Enrique also mulled those words over in his head.

“Good luck taking the first step, hermano.”

Chico went to bed that night, the words still dancing in his head; and woke up the next day with an entirely new outlook on life. He threw his clothes on and went for a walk.

He applied for two jobs that day; one as a daytime mechanic, the other as a weekend bartender at some local college bar. He got both jobs. When asked what his biggest weakness was, he said; “I didn’t know what I could take. That’s not a problem anymore.”

He always liked working on cars with his older brother, Bobby, before he was killed in a gang war. It was nice to do things that reminded him of Bobby. He spent the last twenty years trying to forget him.

He sat in the park on his lunch breaks, sometimes tossing his leftovers to the pigeons.

He started working out again, and not just to survive, lifting weights for the endorphins he was no longer getting from drugs.

He tried to live less impulsively, something not easy at first, but like anything, it got so easy over time that he realized one day that he wasn’t thinking about it anymore, just sort of doing it.

He stopped focusing on what he didn’t have, or what was taken from him. He found those moments that could get you through the rest of your life, and held onto them.

He caught up on the Saw movies, having been arrested after the first one. He really liked that torture porn shit, fucked as it may be. His favorite was either Saw VI or Saw VIII. His favorite trap was the Shotgun Carousel.

He and Carlo always talked through it.

After they finished that, they tackled all the major horror movie franchises, his favorite being the Saws or the Final Destinations, his least favorite being the I Know What You Did Last Summers. He never got into those, but watched all three.

He and Carlo started a horror movie reaction YouTube channel, getting a few hundred loyal subscribers, that being enough for them.

Chico learned to cook a little, only really knowing how to make arroz con pollo and huevos rancheros before, but he and Carlo were making their way through a recipe book they thrifted; some parody bullshit porn book named Fifty Shades of Chicken. They could hardly get through any recipe without laughing their asses off.

He enjoyed bartending. Bartenders got flirted with and bribed and everything, and having that little bit of admiration and power from the hoards of drunken pseudo adults was enough for him.

He enjoyed cutting people off and serving body shots.

Everyone liked him, calling him the Shot Master for his ability to turn any full sized drink into a potent shot, his favorite being any drinks with sexual names. Loved serving those to the hotties that flirted with him for free drinks.

Which he gave out often.

He became a Mountain Goats fan, and caught up on all the Gorillaz lore he missed. His favorites were Old College Try and Clint Eastwood, respectively.

He was sort of filling in the parts of his personality that he normally filled with crime.

He tried to get into musicals when Miguel had invited them to one of the shows he was managing, but only really liked Hamilton and Next to Normal, though he never really talked about the last one.

He liked that song Next to Normal. “Something next to normal, that would be okay.”

Chico was fine living next to normal. It was the closest he’d ever come to it.

Sean Murphy and Tim McManus checking in on his often. He couldn’t say he cared for either but was pleasant enough that they didn’t cause trouble for him.

He and Carlo would drink and mock both of them after though.

He was the Best Man at Carlo’s wedding, and then the godfather to his kid a year later.

The two were inseparable. Brothers. Family.

Chico liked playing with his Goddaughter, Carlota, or Lottie for short.

She like that when they played, he always did the voices for the toys, though he denied it to anyone but Carlo and his wife.

By the time she was two, they were having full (nonsensical) conversations, picking her up during We Don’t Talk About Bruno and throwing her on his back like the rats along his back, her giggling in his ear the whole way.

He liked making faces at her, and she always made them back.

Chico was in the middle of peace before he realized that he’d started, feeling as secure and happy as he had in his entire life.

He regretted his past to some extent, but didn’t lose himself in it as he did before. He knew what he’d lived made him who he was, and he had some respect for that.

He didn’t focus so much on what he lost, but what he had, realizing he had quite a bit in life, or at least more than others.

He worked through his problems with Carlo, and with himself.

He knew he wasn’t some fancy doctor or lawyer with a kid and three cars, but he lived just fine, and sometimes that’s all we can hope for. Just to be okay with where you are and who you are.

When he found his peace and his smile and his life, and before he knew it, the smile and light came back to his face, and he was contented.

Yeah, he’d found strength in what remained, and what remained held him over for years to come.

He never went back to Oz; never went back to who he was, but he appreciated Chico of yesterday, if only for teaching him what he could handle.

#hbo oz #oz meme #chico guerra #miguel alvarez #carlo ricardo #oz hbo #took me a damn long time to write this #but I found peace in it #so maybe you were a little entertained #I quoted a lot in this #it’s where my brain goes #Allita is based off of my high school bestie Alena #she’s very goth and philosophical lol #Lottie is based off of one of my old students #a chaotic little girl with the world in her laugh #miss the fuck out of my old students #trying to write for this more; Oz is pretty much all I have rn #thanks for sticking around even though I don’t do much anymore

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