#btw the black bat one is actually canon

[ditzybat]

villain: this is photographic evidence of your children committing war crimes

bruce: it’s ai generated

villain: this is a video of red robin literally admitting to blowing up multiple league of assassin bases with with little warning, potentially killing hundreds

bruce: he’s such an entrepreneur, funny thing how words can be twisted in media

villain: these are multiple videos of black bat killing people in costume

bruce: are you saying women can’t defend themselves in this day in age? my mr villain i expected better from you than misogyny

villain: red hood is literally pumping lead into a goon in front of you

bruce: those are rubber bullets silly

[bonefall]

longtime dc fan and i think a lot of people are angry because alex is obviously one of the most culturally relevant instances of misogyny in media. that being said being more culturally relevant doesn’t mean it’s the worst instance of misogyny and i think bumble definitely experiences more profound misogyny in the way the actual content is presented, if that makes sense

I get you, and that's a charitable way of looking at it.

I think what's rustling my jimmies is that like, there was a couple of WC fans being mildly dismissive of Alex in that note minefield, after dozens of comments of "fuck you how could you let the fridge woman lose" and "Bumble didn't deserve to win ANY rounds" and "how could A CAT experience misogyny." But then WE get blamed for the toxicity because THEY were butthurt that the Funny Cat People have the 'audacity' to win something they feel entitled to.

Like, we've gotta be endlessly charitable as we get openly insulted because they're upset about Alex losing, a very well-known and culturally relevant character with a legacy so massive we have a whole term named after her. But condemnations of "She's just a cat, letting WC into this poll was a mistake, Bumble can't even be a victim of misogyny" only started coming around once I started talking about it.

as if it's OUR fault people got passive-aggressive or even OPENLY aggressive towards us, and that we're "just as bad" for retaliating

But like you said, it's not a "Most Culturally Relevant Misogyny" tournament, it's a "Canon Misogyny Victims" tournament. And you're not even supposed to give a shit that Bumble died. The fat, woman abuse victim is beaten to death by a dictator, and your takeaway is meant to be, "It's so sad that Clear Sky is being blamed for murdering her, now they're all preparing for self-defense against a homicidal maniac, oh nooo :("

And I think that DOES make her deserve the win here! Alex is a MARTYR. Everyone with a brain agrees what happens to her is bad. It happened in her canon because it was bad. We talk about her and keep her memory alive. Bumble gets dismissed entirely out of hand because she's "just a cat in a kid's book" as if that doesn't make it worse, and as if the kid's book didn't treat a domestic abuse survivor like a moron for even asking for help.

Anyway, just to reiterate, I love DC fans. It's not all of you guys. Alex was done dirty and deserves justice-- and it's even kind of a shame that all she became is "The Fridge Woman." I haven't even heard people talk about how she was a wary, responsible person who was still ready to rock with Kyle's new weird glowstick powers, or that she was a journalist, or that she just got brought back in another edition as a Green Lantern only to be revealed as an illusion and re-absorbed back into Kyle's mind. Nope. Even her fans just remember her as The Fridge Woman.

[vln-vibes]

Some thoughts

As someone whose both into Maribat (even if I haven't been as involved lately) and BatPham/DPxDC its hilarious that people have come to the conclusion that yes;

The Bats are definitely getting involved with these tired teen heroes that just so happen to have black hair and blue eyes and totally Wayne Adoption Bait TM

Both end up needing the Bats' help because of the whole World's Greatest Detective shtick regardless of the premise (Anti-Ecto Laws and Uncovering Hawkmoth's ID)

If we're going to the Shit's Already Hit the Fan Route then both parties have concluded that the best place to lay low was definitely the crime capital of America; Gotham City

(Even if they do so they try to stay under the Bats radar because of his no metas allowed rule (thats fanon btw) even if neither actually qualifies as metahuman (magic and a medical condition really)

Jason definitely has something going on because of the Pit that can be cured/treated by means of magic or ghost shit

Constantine is probably involved or is getting dragged into this mess whether he wants to or not

(If involved Captain Marvel probably has passing knowledge about the GZ or Miraculous)

Both Danny and Marinette being smol and no one expects them to be Stronk

Same duo also has been thrusted into unwanted responsibilities apart from the whole Teen Hero thing at 14 (Mari's age is unfortunately still up in the air but I'm pretty sure that's her age during the origins eps, thanks Astruc)

(Speaking of pretty sure both fandoms disregard what the showrunners/creators say about the show also but thats besides the point)

(Ghost King Danny (fanon but v good idea) and Grand Guardian Marinette (canon unfortunately for her because sure why not give this girl more anxiety))

Government is corrupt and is probably the reason why these kids get no help from experienced heroes

I just find this all hilarious looking into it

Also the fact im like 75% sure that both group may have gotten hate from the main DC fandom because the crossovers were seeping into their tags too

[gloriousburden]

I agree with your take on Mobius so much! People treat him like a cinnamon roll. Which he isn't. He is a horrible person but no one wants to acknowledge that. Sylvie is terrible too, but at least people acknowledge her flaws which is something I guess. Oh, and I had watched season 2 of Loki series, and Mobius was so ooc in the first episode. Like, he randomly went from torturing and manipulating and gaslighting Loki to suddenly risking his life for Loki. It made me wanna throw up. I have never seen such a random 180° turn. Extremely ooc. And Lokius shippers eat that shit up. Like, I don't know whether you have watched Season 2 or not, but there's a scene where Mobius volunteers to do something extremely risky to save Loki. And yeah, I don't believe that crap at all. Tomorrow they might suddenly show Thanos risking his life for Loki too. I think season 2 episode 1 should have came with an OOC warning attached lol.

Have a great day! ❤️

Unfortunately, I have watched all of the series. I may talk about Lokius shippers a lot, but Sylki shippers (though there’s only like… two of them nowadays) have the same issue that Lokius shippers have. They only acknowledge the flaws of the character from the opposite ship, and not the flaws of the character they ship with Loki. Sylvie fans hate Mobius, Mobius fans hate Sylvie. There’s issues with both characters! Are you kidding me?

YES EXACTLY. He was very OOC… I guess he got some kind of “redemption”/“change of heart” or some shit behind the scenes. Why do you suddenly love Loki so much? Of course the shippers eat it up. They’d eat literal garbage if it was orange color coded with grey hair, and green color coded with black hair or played by Tom/Owen.

Nothing towards either actors BTW hope it doesn’t come off as that. I mean this towards the fans, not the actors!

It’s just… these aren’t even the same characters anymore. That’s not even Loki! And Mobius, though I have no love for him, isn’t even himself anymore. The writing is so fucking inconsistent not only with Loki, but with EVERYONE.

Yep. I do know what you’re talking about. Why so lovey dovey and knight in shining armor all of a sudden? Why would he suddenly risk his life for someone he threw into a time loop to get physically assaulted without a second thought? Oh why cause they hugged so it’s okay now? 🤦🏻‍♀️

Look, if Mobius had apologized or even acknowledged his previous behaviors, then I wouldn’t be so freaked out by the way the fandom treats him or the OOC-ness (because obviously they’re gonna let shit slide for a mediocre ship) But… NONE OF THAT HAPPENED! Think I spoke about this in one of my last posts but so many Loki “fans” TRULY believe Loki needs to be humbled. That’s why they don’t bat an eye at the abuse coming from Mobius. As well as them being eager to excuse absolutely anything in order to not ship the “straight” ship.

It’s getting really weird. Some of them want Lokius to be canon just because “Ooh gay ship” and not because they really believe Loki and Mobius go along well together and they’re opposites attract and one’s a god one’s a human and so on. Whatever tropes you can throw in there.

And Lokius fans pretending to be so much more morally superior/holier than thou for being against Sylki because of the selfcest shit… YOU EXCUSE MOBIUS VERBALLY DEMEANING LOKI AND HAVING HIM BE PHYSICALLY ASSAULTED… HOW IS THAT BETTER?! This is like the pot calling the kettle black. Like I’ve said before, If Mobius was female.. People would hate his guts! And the amount of people shipping Lokius would be so, so much lower. And they’d actually see the flaws of the show.

Hope this does not sound like me trying to defend Sylki/Sylvie in anyway, Both are HORRIBLE, bottom of the barrel, and garbage ships. Sylvie’s writing/actions are not excused just because she’s female. It’s just Lokius shippers are more prevalent, therefore more annoying to me. And for some reason, Lokius shippers tend to be a lot more immature. I think because they’re usually younger than Sylki shippers.

I understand people want representation, but there are so many ships that have been done better. You don’t need to grasp for straws just because you only now learned that Loki is bisexual!

THE THANOS POINT LOLLLLLLL EXACTLY. That cracked me up, I won’t lie. I wouldn’t be surprised if that became a thing. They’re just so desperate to ship anyone and everyone! Can we think critically about these characters/movies/series for one moment?

Thank you! You too ❤️

[cryptidofthekeys]

Nixon ‘Finch’ Dusk

I only had a few bits to add at the end ....smh I shoulda ALREADY had him posted but either way here’s the sona/oc I talked SO much bout making for the Ministry of Darkness a LONG ass time ago

btw if things seem... outta character well for one i usually wind up diverting canon ...but also ...iiiii havent... watched MoD stuff in a long time so shush

TW: Cult themes and Kidnapping mentions

---------------------------------------------------------

| Name: Nixon ‘Finch’ Dusk (not his real name tho it was given to him by the leader himself, this is a sona/oc mix at this point lmao)

| Nicknames: Nix, Finchy, Fin, Dusk, Dusky (Finch is not his actual middle name, its a… Special name let’s just say that, so is ‘Little Finch’ only a certain person can call him that)

| Gender: Trans FTM (He/Him)

| Age: N/A (I’d have to do some math)

| Signature/Finisher: I’m theming him with bats- so his signature is just biting his opponent before knocking them down and then finisher is him going up to the top rope, spreading his arms wide and swooping down onto his opponents) doesn’t have a name bc im not super creative with these lmao

------------------------------------------------

| Classification: Heavyweight (probs somewhere around 340 to 360 pounds)

| Height: 5’5”

| Species/Race: Human…???

| Eye Color: Electric Purple (the brightest color you’ll see on him tbh also his pupils are slit)

| Hair Color: Dark Brown (spiked quiff)

| Skin Color/Body Type: Extremely pale and chubby

-------------------------------------------------------------------

| Appearance: His main outfit is a black gothic victorian tailcoat, he has a dark purple bowtie and then a dark purple silk shirt underneath the tailcoat, black and dark purple pants (the dark purple is essentially just zippers, despite seeming only there for aesthetic-

-------------------------------------

Those are actually pockets just not very deep ones) he wears a wide brimmed dark purple boater hat with a black ribbon around it, there’s various kinds of bats hanging down on all sides of the hat, seems like he attached those himself (it’s basically just jewelry of different bats, vampire bats, flying foxes, etc) and finally he has just normal black wrestling boots with purple laces in em.

-----------------------------------------------------------

Nix has a purple heart necklace that is held in place by black wings that he cherishes and wears all the time except when wrestling, he places it somewhere safe when he’s fighting so he doesn’t lose it- That necklace seems to be VERY special to him but he won’t say why, he also wears a bat themed necklace and then bat rings

-----------------------------------

He has a black cane with a bronze vampire bat atop it (the bat has red glowing eyes and it seems to have some red stains on its teeth, gee I wonder what that could be) he has razor sharp fangs both top and bottom, black and purple claws (short claws so they won’t break as easily)

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Aside from that he has a circle beard, has a buncha scars- mostly from wrestling related injuries, and the final bit I can think of is that he has top surgery scars.

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| Side Facts: Idk I just don’t wanna give him a s e t personality,, I wanna just- do it as things go along ya know? Anyways, uh his relationship with other members of The Ministry- I’ll give that much info-

----------------------------------------------------

So I’ll start off with… Mideon, you’d think Nixon finds him annoying much like the Leader and well… Everyone else tbh but actually… Nix gets along with Mideon fairly well, like they're not SUPER close or anything but Dusk likes Mideon’s company.

----------------------------------------------

Nix ain’t too fond of The Acolytes, now THEY are the ones he tolerates- and he only does so for the benefit of The Ministry other than that he avoids them as much as he can, wants nothing to do with them, I won’t say he ABSOLUTELY hates them but he’s just not too fond, basically he just dislikes them, they can be assholes. 

-------------------------------------------

The Brood he absolutely adores! They are very close friends with one another actually, Nix adores Gangrel’s vampiric aesthetic and it seems Gangrel of course loves the bat themed attire Dusk wears, Gangrel has offered Nix some blood and weirdly and grossly enough Nixon took that offer, they have a sorta… ‘tea time’ on the weekends and they’ll sometimes gather and watch cheesy vampire movies and poke fun at them.

---------------------------------------------

Viscera? Mm, they haven’t gotten many chances to hang out so Nix is unsure but he does seem to show a sense of appreciation for Viscera, there’s a mutual respect amongst one another and Nixon has been saved from The Acolytes being assholes thanks to Viscera many times before and he could never thank the other enough for that, so not friends but also no tension between them, just a mutual respect for one another.

---------------------------------------

Paul Bearer… …Ugh, he absolutely DETESTS that man but he is much higher ranking than him, he’s practically the Leader’s right hand man so Nixon doesn’t DARE say anything hateful to the other, he bites his tongue and keeps things to himself but he definitely despises Bearer deep down, that’s the one things him and The Acolytes can actually agree on btw! They share a mutual hatred for Paul Bearer.

-------------------------------------

Paul doesn’t like Nixon either though, makes tons of snarky remarks toward him and is even MORE of an asshole somehow than The Acolytes themselves. …Nix also thinks Paul knows he’s hated but he uses the advantage of being the Leader’s right hand man, it's like he just waits to hear some kind of slip up and then runs to report it to him ...bc he would be the sleazy tattletail, y’all know he would

-----------------------------------------------

…And then finally… The Undertaker himself… The Leader of the Ministry of Darkness… How does Nixon get along with the Leader…? Lmao if it ain’t obvious like ALL my sona-oc mixes, he’s got a big ol crush on The Leader because of course he does.

-----------------------------------------------

He’s very gay for him, has he admitted anything? HJVKFGJDS ABSOLUTELY N O T- Nixon is way too terrified to outright admit his feelings, and to the Leader of The Ministry of Darkness itself? He feels like that’s a death wish waiting to happen. He would sooner drop dead than uh... Admit his feelings

---------------------------------------------

He doesn’t think Taker would like him back like that anyways, and honestly…? Nixon’s convinced himself if he ever confessed not only would he be rejected but probably frowned upon, looked at in pure disgust- that The Leader would take this as an insult so he keeps his feelings all inside (also bc uh well he doesn’t seem to be one for… ‘love’ in general)

----------------------------------------------------

There’s only t w o people that actually know about his pining for Taker- and that’s Gangrel and Viscera, how Viscera knows? …He has… Experience, that’s how, don’t ask me what that means if you know you know.

---------------------------------------------------

Gangrel? He knows because Dusk has told him p much, he thinks it’s cute, he can’t really offer any help though, that’s a thing for Nixon to do on his own …But he’s very much rooting for him so uh yeah, there’s that.

---------------------------------------

Other than that literally no one is any the wiser that Nixon has a crush on their Leader lmao, he’s good at keeping things hidden, he’s good at keeping a neutral face and even when he does blush or any shit like that he merely says it’s just hot, after all the outfit he’s got on can get p hot sometimes-

--------------------------------------------

Now for some more… Juicy kinda lore… Nixon did have a life before The Ministry, a relatively normal one in fact, he didn’t dress like this or anything- and he even looked w a y more human than what he does now, he had a few close friends but he can’t… Seem to remember them or their names anymore, he doesn’t seem to remember much of anything outside of his life with The Ministry.

------------------------------------------

I will say though, while at first The Ministry did kidnap him bc he very much didn’t want to go, something changed when he saw their leader for the first time and then he became more willing (before Taker did anything weird with his powers I should clarify)

--------------------------------------

Which,, threw The Ministry for a complete loop but either way, it made things much easier and then soon enough, Dusk had joined, the details are fuzzy and just a complete blur when it comes to life outside of them and his old friends.

---------------------------------

But I WILL say, his friends hated that he joined so willingly like that bc Nix did tell them that despite how they first kidnapped him, he joined willingly, he WANTED to be in The Ministry and well… You can piece together what happened, a bad falling out occurred and well, ya know how it is in wrestling-

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There was a l o t of hurt and ….I might even call it betrayal, so yeye- that didn’t go so well unfortunately, the last tidbit I can think of to add to this bc I REALLY EXTREMELY just want to post him after talking so much about him…

Is that Nix is Pansexual.

[dave-of-cyscara]

how dare you /j /j /j

anyways yes! pokemon au! beware for major yapping

so cymod thought itd be funny if we make everyone (specifically scara and cy) like... 10-11 year olds because in the canon franchise literal 10 year olds can leave the house once they turn ten and then go do whatever the fuck they want

realmkids' age may stay the same? leia was already 11 to begin with so i might just bump sakura down one so they match and then xav and chero can also be 11 :3

so for scara, he'd probably have a zubat/golbat. its a bat pokemon that evolves into scarier pokemon but only when you love it enough. which is fun :3 he probably also competes in gyms/tournaments/etc because remember 10 year olds can do that

cyrille just collects a bunch of pokemon just because. just cause he wants friends :] i imagine scara and cy just run into each other or cy catches scara in the middle of the battle, watches, and then just follows him around for a bit. at first scara's like "wth" but then they become friends :D

for chero, adi would be his main pokemon. bro stumbled into the woods one day and found the most op creechur in the entire universe and somehow caught it adi isnt even a pokemon either. just a creechur who just vibes and can fit in the pokeball chero probably competes in gym battles n shit too. he and scara probs got that rivalry shit going on.....

leia, she'd have a whimsicott(fluffy sheep floating balll... thing). not just one. she has several. just like. at least 7. and her main one is a shiny she found one day and instantly befriended because she's so friendly

this is the shiny

sakura would have a bewear, which is a pink and black bear pokemon that looks friendly and is friendly but is actually super fucking strong. like in the canon/sun and moon series, it can give actual death grip hugs. i thought itd fit them :] leia and sakura definitely travel together. maybe leia would drag sakura into one of her pokemon shows (children can do that too btw)

xav's last, he'd have this creechur

its a lot bigger than it looks. like way bigger. waaaaaaay bigger its a dino pokemon basically! id like to think he'd have smth like this cause its comfy and also a good transport method. its also very friend shaped.

chero and xav are definitely traveling together. xav helps chero not get k'od in battles and chero helps xav fill up his pokedex since he seems like the type to collect them just for funsies

i love that so much

and let me guess, cymod wanted cyrille to be 10 specifically (youngest technically), and also adi wasn't technically caught, it just went along with chero anyway, and could technically leave whenever it wants

[phoenixcatch7]

Omg you're too kind I'm so excited -

So my main overarching plan is based on a fusion of the two games that's basically as close to their own respective canons as possible, where the world building sort of grows around it rather than shaping it. In this, persona awakenings happen basically the same - at least to my understanding!

In Third Eye, personal personas are pulled from the sea of souls to bond with and reflect their user - they're not created from the users soul but are more akin to Bayo's demon summoning, where powerful and exclusive contracts can be forged where both demon and witch can be called upon by the other at their will, their magics entwined.

But bayonetta has multiple contracts, though they're weaker and less loyal than her main with Madame Butterfly, from whom she can use her limbs to attack and her wings to fly. Advanced rituals allow witches to take on halfway forms of their main demons, which may put you in mind of the fanart of joker in arsenes outfits :D. This is actually pretty similar to the wild card ability, where joker has his main/true persona Arsene, but can still form contracts with and use other persona he finds along the way!

Speaking of his persona, though, one of the things that I struggled with was what to do about his own demon contract. I spent ages trying to work satneal being half demon half persona into the world building somehow, but it just wasn't clicking, because I had three slots that needed filling but only two things to fill it with.

But then I found out about that one p5r dlc, which has akiras THIRD freaking awakening: Raoul, the false alias of Arsene Lupin. Sometimes lover, sometimes ally, sometimes the false name he disguised himself by. But his design is giving yellow Sci fi street thug who thinks he's all that compared to Arsene and satneals gorgeous black and red prince vibes ToT. Anyway, the fact that the other personas have actual upgrades, but Akira just has a false identity, that was actually really interesting. So, as long as we can overlook the yellow, it occurred to me that I might change it up.

What if this joker, with his secret identity of being an immortal gun slinging witch in training hiding from the government, awakened to raoul instead of arsene? And only after growing to trust his friends, his new family, and being able to open up to them about his past would he be able to awaken his true persona, the unmasked and unrepentant Arsene.

Because in canon it's the other way round, isn't it? Joker arrives as a kid who has nothing, a kid who got caught for doing the right thing regardless of the government, and it's only later that he builds a second life and learns the deception and subterfuge necessary to being a phantom thief.

And then satneal, the whole actual demon lord, could be his demon summon!! And his shadow would turn into a six winged bat demon hehe.

And the best part is there's a whole secret back story in bayonetta about how the current world began - there was a huge war aeons ago between the forces of heaven and hell that I think killed all of the Actual Universe Creating Deities, called Dea (bar one survivor who fell and now runs an underground weapon shop/bar that a xenomorph wouldn't look out of place in. As a piece of furniture). So both inferno and paradiso are notably lacking their bosses while earth still had Aesir (the guy who later split into loki and loptr). The angels wanted their boss back (who btw is a girl) but got tricked (by evil loptr) alongside the humans into basically an armageddon situation to resurrect loptr in his full power instead. Bayonetta teams up with Jeanne to summon the mysterious demon boss (?) queen, who then throws him into the sun before it gets to that point, destabilising reality. Basically in this au satneal is both very, very old, very, VERY powerful, and has been missing since the universe began. Him showing up to contract with Akira would be a HUGE issue in the bayonetta world, and I'm all for it. Let your kid out of your sight for less than a year and he summons the presumed KIA devil.

Man, I haven't even actually talked about the whole overarching plot. And why it's called Third Eye.

Right, the whole deal is that the trinity of realities are rapidly destabilising after the bayonetta games. Two magic cores called the left and right eye of the world (belonging to the sages and witches) got nuked. Demons are escaping summons, angels are going crazy and failing to pick up souls destined for paradiso, there's freak weather events, earthquakes, that sort of thing. Eventually the whole thing is, within the next millennium or so, going to shake apart completely and then we'll all be back in the primordial soup.

Loki tried to prevent loptr from making it worse (stabilised, yes, but much worse for humanity) by using humanity's free will to establish the meta verse and persona, so that humanity might have guardians of their own immune to the corruption that befell the sages and witches (persona users being immune to the mental corruption that would lead to forming Palaces). He hoped that by returning magic to humans the flow of energy would once more stabilise.

UNFORTUNATELY loptr caught on while he was making his own plans (involving possession and giant statues and I kid you not capitalism cults). And managed to break into the velvet room. Whether ol' yalda (aka demiurge) is loptr reborn or just his special minion idk I'm still working on that. But he finds akechi.

Akechi, who is a distant descendant of the sages on his mother's side. Who is almost unnaturally tall and beautiful and capable of the immense magic needed to be a wildcard, although his non-fool arcana limits him. Akechi would be perfect to sow the fear and destruction he needs to win humanity's thoughts and thus, their minds.

There's always something juicy about a 'last of their kind' finding someone like them, and I think it'd really enhance the tension between Akira and akechi. Akechi, who never knew why he and his mother were so different to everyone else, who could never have gotten the training Akira did. Who grew up having to conform and perform to public scrutiny in ways that Akira needed to reject in order to fully grow into his abilities. And the inevitable tragedy of his death, how he was already too far lost to ever be safe to tell, but he knew Akira knew something anyway. The rage of never being told. The guilt of never telling, even as it keeps your family safe.

But anyway. This story ends with the stabilisation, not destruction of the meta verse, that humanity can forever dream of bigger things than they will ever see. The phantom thieves of hearts might be young, but they have proved the strength of their very souls, and should the day arise that they are needed, they will be called upon once more. Though the two eyes of the world are long destroyed, the third eye, the third path has opened, and as one, humanity shall finally pave their own way.

Basically thank you so much for asking @thegarlicthief 💖💖💖💖

Y'know what my knowledge of bayonetta may be limited to badass witch lady but I'd still like to hear about your Third Eye crossover thingy

Omg what a thing to wake up to thank you so much :D!!!

To quickly summarise, Bayonetta is an unhinged fast paced fighting game (trilogy) about an immortal witch with demon summoning gun wielding powers, who hunts angels for their halos to earn money and feed the demon contracts so they don't eat her instead. It's incredibly campy and shameless, but behind the scenes it's got some seriously well researched lore and a wealth of world building that drew me to writing for it. It's visually gorgeous and amazingly cohesive.

So what started it all was a meme going around the smash bros community a few years ago when joker and bayonetta joined, about how she was joker's mother. And I, having played both games (but not smash, ironically), was instantly hooked. I really wanted to see a story exploring that, but there was only a handful of fics or comics that, while good, weren't what I was looking for.

So I started writing my own. It's a story about joker (I'm using the name Akira for him) being the blood son of bayonetta, and his life being raised by her and fellow witch Jeanne, who in this fic is living with them and co-parenting hehe. It's following him through his trials and tribulations of being the son of the last witch (they were all killed off in a very violent war with their counterparts the sages), his own training to be a witch via time travel (it's a whole thing) and - in the second half - the circumstances around being forced to leave his small circle of protection and being pulled under government scrutiny after saving shidos victim, where any wrong move risks exposing the last dregs of the supernatural to people who would want to ruin everything.

I'm purposely keeping it unclear how Akira was conceived/born, or who the other parent is (if there even is one), because it's not really relevant and I like the mystery! It's also unclear if Jeanne and bayonetta are in a steamy relationship or just doing a besties cohabitation thing for the sake of the kid, but again it's on purpose ;). And lets me avoid writing romance LMAO.

Unsurprisingly, it's the world building that's really making me struggle, but the general gist is that the afterlife is VERY convoluted.

So, in p5 you've got the meta verse and the sea of souls, which is where persona come from. Persona, who are mythological, literary or historical figures. You can summon persona and kill them to make weapons and accessories. Though you don't lose your persona upon entering reality again, it can't manifest.

In bayonetta, there's three planes of reality. You've got the obvious paradiso and inferno, and then purgatorio, a second layer of earth's reality where the games all primarily take place, where living things become faint shadows oblivious to your chaos - though they will freak out when you blow up their car! Angels and demons alike can be summoned to this plane, (though they often show up regardless lol), being sometimes mythological, literary or historical figures but usually just generic mob enemies (hey, just like persona!). Certain enemies can be taken to a guy to be killed and turned into weapons and accessories. There's a lot of similarity!

So, in Third Eye, the sea of souls that living humans cannot reach is referring to the three planes of reality, where angels, demons and human souls can be pulled into the meta verse to become persona. Awakening a 2nd tier persona is an evolution of the user's soul, strengthening it and making the magics easier. It's a third equivalent to the witch/sages, which is going to be VERY relevant in the second phase.

Also, in the second game, spoilers, there's a blue kid called loki who uses tarot cards to fight, who ends up being the amnesiac god of free will trying to save humanity from his evil counterpart loptr who wants to take control of humanity and remake the world in his image, and eventually he sacrificed his life to do so, with a promise to one day be reincarnated.

So that's where philemon was while Igor was taking over his velvet room :D.

Thank you so much for asking ^u^! If you're curious about more I'd be delighted to talk about it, especially the details of jokers altered persona ;)...

[sanjisblackasswife]

Any dad headcanons for the monster trio? (+ Law if you don’t mind)

(also love your writing btw!!)

A/N: I just seen a edit a while ago of Sanji being so good w kids n so I must— thank u btw!:) Imma add Cora because omg we need more writing with him:(

One Piece Men as Daddies (Fluff)

Black Fem Reader in Mind

CW: None! Except the mommy (the reader) is kinda a menace.

Ft. Zoro, Luffy, Law, Sanji, Corazon

Sanji

Top 2 Best Dads and he ain’t number 2 fr

He spoils his kids more than you now I’m sorry :(

He doesn’t realize this and swears he loves you both equally

I can most definitely see him having a daughter as his first child and yes you and her are his Queen and Princess

His daughter is a simp just like his daddy

His daughter stresses him out so much because she loves drooling over every guy she sees omg

“STOP IT, SAMMIE!”

“Sweetheart she’s a baby she doesnt e—“

“ARE YOU STARING AT MY CHILD?!”

Sanji needs to throw all kinds of kicks when he is with his babygirl

God help him when she’s a teenager

He loves cuddling you both while watching Disney movies

He teaches his sweet girl the importance of how a man should treat her if she somehow gets one

“You can’t get married until you’re 25.”

“Sanji she’s just 3 right now.”

“Okay make it 30.”

Okay ngl when you were having the baby he made the mistake of looking down between your legs and the baby’s head was just barely peaking and he passed out.

He still has a bit of subtle nose bleeds when you were breast feeding too

He keeps mementos of every single thing his child has; drawings, fallen teeth, etc he keeps it in a box in his side of the closet

Due to his childhood he tends to worry he will turn into his biological father. He confided to you about this issue while you were pregnant and you nipped it in the bud and told him that he was and will never be like him and Zeff would be proud of the kinda man and future father he turned out to be

Both cried that night.

Also he is completely aware what happens to a woman’s body after pregnancy and will always remind you no matter how much your body changes he will still see you so beautiful.

He will be just like Zeff to his son. Teaching him the same way and all.

Zeff is the granddaddy btw. Sanji takes his kids to visit him often.

He usually takes the kid(s) off your hands for a day if he sees you feel stressed

100000000/10 daddy and yes he will be pumping more into you again if you’re up for it🤍

Luffy

Two Luffy’s running around in your home

Make it 3 because I can see him having twins

They stress you out sm.

“STOP PUTTING THE BABIES UP ON TOP OF THE SHELF ONE DAY THEY GONE SAY FUCK IT AND BUST THEY HEAD—“

“I GOT THEM Y/N!”

Man didn’t have a clue in the world how to be a daddy. So he went to Rayleigh panicking KSSHSJJSS

He’s a very chill parent so you have to be the stern one and it sucks sometimes

Yes the kids like daddy more than you

Almost every night when Luffy is home he puts the twins to bed with telling them of all the stories he had with you when he was young

“And I met your mommy on a different island! She didn’t like me at first but now she’s in love with me! Heheheeh!”

Kids have the same shishishi laugh as him cracks you up each time they do it in sync

You made the mistake of leaving the three of them at home as you went to go shopping and came back to a wrecked home and the three of them eating meat on the floor

He tells them about Ace a lot.

He actually named one of the twins after him

Encourages them to be what they want in life even if they want to be a pirate

Sabo is ofc the nice uncle that comes barring gifts

Sanji and Zoro are the Goddfathers

9/10 daddy that still is learning to be a daddy

Zoro

It’s canon this man is amazing with kids so off bat he’s top 3.

Since he has so much experience he was really good with handling the baby when he was first born

At least 17 times during the time yall son was a baby he tried nursing from Zoro and he hated it sm he couldn’t even take a nap shirtless with him

“STOP LAUGHING!”

“He Just Like me for real.”

“ENOUGH.”

The second the baby was able to walk he already wanted to train him into being a swordsman

“HES A BABY!”

“HE IS A GROWN MAN—!”

He will most definitely kill for you both

You annoyed him so much during your pregnancy because you wanted to leave the house but he didn’t want you getting hurt

You’ve caught him training with your baby son swaddled on his chest (like that one filler episode of him babysitting) and you nearly choked him out because wtf is he swinging around a sword so close to y’all baby.

He did gain some weight too during your pregnancy but immediately shredded off after you poked his belly

He loves his son but as he got older he started to have beef KSSHSHSISK

His son is a mamas boy and so whenever Zoro wants to have alone time with you it’s like he had a 6th sense and barged in ruining the moment

It’s so funny seeing them argue over who gets to cuddle you for the night

He plans to give your son one of his old swords when he gets older if he decides to be a swordsman

Luffy is the Goddfather and Sanji is ofc the cool uncle that comes to visit

100000/10 Zoro is a wonderful daddy

Law

He is the strict dad

You both had a daughter and she annoys him a lot just like you did when you both were dating

“Imma get tatted like you daddy.”

“You’re 13.”

“So?”

“NO—!”

He was the one to deliver y’all baby

The doctor side of him popped out when you were pregnant he never let u leave the bedroom. He even bathed you a lot which in turn have had him have sex with you in the tub

“Orgasms can help soothe you as you’re pregnant, y/n.”

“…the hell you read that at.”

He talks about Cora to you and your baby while you both were were sleep after pregnancy.

When your daughter turned 21 you and her convinced Law to get the same matching tattoo as him on her hand and even though he acted like he was against it he was ecstatic

He has scared off so many of your daughter’s boyfriends pls

He took off the head of one because he kept staring at YOUR boobs

Law likes to study with his baby girl on his lap.

You’ve walked in on him sleep on his chair with the baby cuddled on top

120/10 Law is an outstanding responsible daddy

Corazon (Rosinante)

TOP BEST DADDY SHUT UP HEAR ME OUT

Matching clothes

He’d have a daughter :( lil Rosie Aksbsjdksk

Yes he’s clumsy but he’d rather die than have you or his baby hurt

He didn’t stop smoking but he does only do it outside

You catch him doing stupid faces and stunts to make you’re daughter laugh when she’s sad and she eats it right tf up

Yes she is a daddy’s girl

He carries you both around with ease

If he notices you feeling insecure about your body post birth he’ll feel a tinge of guilt but smother you in kisses and appreciation about how he doesn’t care about how you look he still loves u sm

And if that doesn’t work he’ll just show you…naked…in the bed….

Sex he’ll show u with sex

Law is like the older brother and he may not act like it but he loves seeing Cora so happy with you and the baby

Scares tf outta you when he is outside throwing your 4 months old baby in the air tho

He uses some of his methods when he was raising Law to raise your baby

Gets so emotional when your daughter reaches out for him

“BABY LOOK AT OUR BABY SHE LOVES ME!”

“You’re her daddy, Cora of course she loves you.”

Just like Sanji saves every core memory he can of your baby daughter

Let’s her put on his makeup . It came out horribly but he proudly wore it the whole day

He needs to kiss you both before leaving or else he will have a terrible day

One time you and the baby surprised him with a cake just as a thank you for everything he has done for you and he fell off the chair crying

He cries a lot

Wants to have like 3 more babies with you

102$)43920292772200/10 best mf Daddy

[pandoratheprocrasticreator]

You know that flavor of ppl who aren't like homophobic by the strictest definition. Like they don't hate queer ppl and are even enthusiastic to co-exist with them but are like. Weird about it. Not in the "I'm fine with queers i just dont want them shoved down my throat" bc thats just homophobia but like the gluten free version of that.

This phenomenon is more harmful irl but im pulling examples from fandom bc thats where i spend most my time online these days and shipping is inconsequential enough to discuss. If a boy and a girl interact at all in one scene theres immediately a whole community for their ship and no one bats an eye. But shippers of gay ships that dont interact are filled with ppl who lord them as their "uwu gay babies" and shippers who are normal about it get plagued with ppl asking them for "proof theyre a couple." And when you do the same for a straight ship ppl retort with "this isnt hurting anyone so leave us alone" which could be a reasonable argument. But the same ppl using that for their straight ships are also the ones asking for cited sources that the author didnt intend for characters in a gay ship to be entirely straight.

Same with other queer headcanons. Trans hcs will have ppl saying that "i PERSONALLY never saw them as trans your headcanon is valid but i need you to give me an essay on your reasons bc WHY WOULD THEY BE TRANS." Ace headcanons are similar except with ppl also telling the hperson with the ace headcanon that they ship this character with someone. And ofc theres the "arent characters allowed to be friends" argument which again. Is valid. But the ppl making that for queer headcanons also often parade screenshots where a boy and girl in a show look at each other and say "this is proof theyre canon."

And maybe its just bc ive been into more queer media lately but these kids of ppl are worse when the media actually has canon queer characters? Ppl flock to the safe and canon gay ships and use that as a shield against accusations of bias. They CANT be homophobic or even biased against queer people because look! They thought it was cute when these two secondary girls held hands! This character has gay dads and this person supports that! They just want you to write an academic paper to justify your ship existing because YOURE the crazy one whos bringing shipping into everything. No one has to reexamine their implicit biases whatsoever. It feels performative.

Ofc this also extends to other biases. The main character of this book is black so the fandom cant be racist. Thats why its perfectly fine for them to hyperfocus on the angsty white boy in the secondary cast and ignore the main poc characters. No one needs to think about why that consistently happens in every fandom like this. This main character is a girl! And shes also a Strong Female Character whos quirky. So we dont need to think about how the fandom lauds around the male villains as sexy and write pages of meta on their motivations and then call female villains "bitches" and talk about the graphic ways they should be killed and maybe sexualize them if theyre conventionally attractive but in a more dehumanizing way than the male villains. And ofc if you call fans out for this, they jump behind the shield of "liking diverse media." Which makes them immune to accusations of bigotry. This is also true for creators of media btw.

Anyway its like. I would rather deal with these kinds of ppl than actual homophobes, especially regarding non fandom topics that actually affect irl ppl. But also these people are so much more annoying than actual homophobes. Bc like. If you tell me you support queer ppl then act like it, you know?

[the-witches-you-couldnt-burn]

Drabble: Night’s Noir

An Adrien x Dick (Adrick?) life swap AU

It begins with Bruce who starts off as a hero seeking to revive his parents. Slowly he becomes villainous and tries to get the miraculous wish, the more people he comes to care for the more options he has for sacrifices.

Btw all the batboys are still adopted and have their backstories mostly the same

Bruce’s hero decay truly starts after Jason’s death

All of Gotham’s “villains” are akuma (Joker, Poison Ivy, Harley Quinn, ect)

Dick is ladybug ofc

I’m thinking maybe lone ladybug who uses circus costumes to disguise his other friends who are helping him (no chat noir)

Also I’m say that the miraculous isn’t the butterfly/moth miraculous but the bat miraculous

It functions the same as normal but the description changes slightly

It creates an echo chamber for bad thought that transforms the victim into its worst self

Bruce is the Villain Batman

Ok over to the Agreste’s

EMILLIE IS BATMAN welllllll she’s called Monarch (butterfly babe :p )

She ends up using the Lazarus pit

And Adrien and Gabriel discover her identity

They decide to help her

Adrien becomes her sidekick / partner

While Gabriel embraces his want to be a recluse and does computers, basically he becomes oracle

And Emilie still works as model and actress and everyone is just "no way she wouldn't have time" Her twin sister helps

Agender Felix who goes "well, there aren't rll girls in the family if there is a batgirl people won't think that hard"

Gabriel sighs and uses this as a chance to add more protection to felix’s torso (aka fake breasts)

How they meet

So Adrien and Mari meet like in canon

It’s always been Marinette’s dream to create a fashion empire in Paris

She wins a Wayne Enterprise competition and travels over there with Adrien (Emilie and Gabriel made him take a break)

#GoodAgresteParents

The vacation didn't last long, they thought Gotham was bad with Dark Cupid, Pixelator, Simon Says, Darkblade and others. But oh God Paris was so much worse

Mari is a Gotham Vigilante who has helped out the Agreste fam before, she specifically loved dealing with magic

Even if all odds are against her she takes pride in punching the magical bastard in their face

Adrien did not appreciate Marinette’s ego

Mari somehow gets targeted by an Akuma (the akumatised person is hunting her) and Adrien becomes ‘Black Cat’ (he knows the name isn’t creative, he was 13 and tired AF and panicked when the media cornered him)

He seeks out Paris’ heroes and helps them

Dick on instinct calls him ‘Chat Noir’, Adrien likes that

They manage to save Mari and De-evilise the akuma

Mari speaks her mind on the situation

She asks Dick why he doesn’t use the other miraculous, her logic is ‘if there’s one I’m sure there are others’.

He goes back to his ‘Master Fu’ (uhhhhh Alfred? Actually no Alfred will probably be the Natalie of this AU)

He finds out his ‘Master Fu’ is missing

He takes the miraculous box and hands out the miraculous to his trusted friends

He finds Mari and Adrien joking about on a rooftop

He admits to them he has been feeling numb lately and misses joking about like they do (the Wayne fam has a lot of unprocessed trauma and it’s become even worse when when akumations began to happen)

Fun fact: Bruce has weaponised his own children before, since they all have black hair, blueish eyes and roughly the same body shape they swap the miraculouses between them

Marinette leaves Adrien and Dick to talk

They begin to flirt

And Dick has never felt so safe

Adrien tells Dick about his vigilante family in Gotham and how they can help

They are connected to the Justice League but Dick refuses their help

He asks them to only monitor the situation and not participate

Adrien leaves saying “I’m fine having more stakeout dates with you.”

OR ORRR

“I’d be glad to continue observing that ass”

[midknight-hour]

y’all remember this

bc i was bored and couldn’t sleep last night so i made a littol drabble. it’s not much and i’ll probably actually work on a story at some point but i thought i’d share to the riddlebat stans <3

btw this is literally a mash up of any canon i enjoy <333333333333 it’s my fanfic and i get to choose the backstory and ships

— — — — — —

It wasn’t often that Edward was allowed to watch television at home. His father would kill him if he even saw him near the thing, of course. He couldn’t be trusted with such expensive items with his lack of sense. Though it seemed as though everyone in the city was currently tuned into the news… all because their royal family had been slain.

It had dominated the public sphere since the moment the press caught news of the killings. Martha and Thomas Wayne, Gotham’s saviors, had been gunned down in a back alley in front of their own son. It was a tragedy, though clearly one the news was choosing to sensationalize for their own gain.

Or at least that was what Ed had surmised.

He’d been following the story intently, sneaking into the living room late at night to watch the news as his father slept on the couch. The ceremonies and court hearings. The crime itself, and the manhunt that went on without any sort of breakthrough for days. The media treated it like some sort of twisted crime thriller, or a mystery novel. No sympathy, just unabashed curiosity. No stone was left unturned as they pried into the personal lives and final days of the deceased.

The funeral was mostly attended by cameras and anchormen, the young Wayne boy sitting in front beside the old butler of the house. It was a replay, obviously. The midday sun, barely visible behind the dull rain clouds, a stark contrast to the pitch black night he was currently enveloped in.

The procession was grim, the burial quiet, but that was all that the bereaved were allowed before the storm of questioning began.

“Bruce Wayne! Over here!”

“Mr. Wayne! A word, please!”

“Sir- Sir! Are you the legal guardian of the boy? I’d like to speak with him.”

The older man seemed to be attempting to guard Bruce from the onslaught of camera flashes and clamoring voices, but there wasn’t much he could do as they began the treacherous walk back to the limousine. It made Edward feel sick. He couldn’t imagine how he would have felt if things had been so hectic on the day of his mother’s burial. Though perhaps his own father had been enough of a spectacle to make up for it. Either way, he felt a deep connection to the other boy, even through the screen.

The Wayne boy was still being cornered by the hounds, each question being barked somehow worse than the last.

“Who are you wearing?” “Do you have any family coming to the manor to claim you?” “Bruce Wayne! How are you feeling about your inheritance? How much did your parents leave you?”

“Please…. Just leave me alone.”

Edward’s blood ran cold.

“I just want to go home.”

No. It can’t be.

“Get out of the way!” The boy snapped, his sadness morphing in anger at the frothing crowds. And just like that, he was whisked away by a police officer to his vehicle to avoid any further confrontation. And the clip ended.

Now, one would expect Edward to be feeling nauseous simply due of the exploitation of someone his age at such a vulnerable time. Which he was, partly. It was despicable. But it wasn’t the main reason he felt like throwing up as he stumbled back to his room and slammed the door behind him.

He locked himself in his bedroom, ignoring the sounds of his waking father down the hall. Then he fumbled with the edges of his shirt as he pulled it up and over his head, reading the dark lines embedded in his skin, across his chest just like it had always been.

“Please, just leave me alone.”

After years of his life assuming his soulmate would be rightfully disgusted by him in their meeting moments…

“I just want to go home.”

— — —

Bruce was a drastically a different person then he had been in his youth.

As he stood vigilant in his superhero’s fortress, which Alfred had lovingly nicknamed his “bat cave,” he thought back to that day in the cemetery. The way his anger had suddenly surged, like a wave. Over the years he had learned to aim his anger and vengeful spirit at something more productive, starting out with the task of finding his parents’ killer. Though when that didn’t pan out, he found it in himself to instead focus on the public good. To prevent others from feeling that same pain he still held in his heart. But unsurprisingly enough, that made him a lot of enemies.

He had been on the case of a rather curious criminal the past few days, one which seemed to have some sort of vendetta against the law. He merely went by the name of E. Nigma, and he had been terrorizing the GCPD by hacking into theur systems to release sensitive information to the masses, despite any and all security measures put in place.

He’d left cryptic hints as he went- some mentioned him by name. “The Batman.” Others were addressed to Gordon or Bullock. Each was mysterious, and vague, though seemed to allude to a bigger picture. Names of specific officers had been sprinkled throughout by means of codes and ciphers, so he’d been holed up in his cave researching each named figure on the GCPD’s archives.

He had some of the most advanced technology in the world at his disposal, and his main computer was no different, so he hadn’t expected this so-called enigma to find his way into his system any time soon. But then again, underestimating the enemy was so often the folly of confident heroes.

All at once, just as Bruce felt like he was beginning to get somewhere, the monitor went dead.

There was a sharp ringing in the air as the speakers crackled around him, a deep, malicious laugh pouring around him. The screen sporadically began to flash- off, on, off on, before a single, pixelated, green question mark floated in the middle of the dark plane before him.

“Riddle me this, detective~”

Oh.

Well.

This is going to be interesting.

[omegasmileyface]

What’s :3 architecture like?

OK SO theyre unified more by ideals than physical similarities, which means theyre pretty diverse in lots of aspect, which shows up in their architecture. at its core, its just "ghost architecture":

floating shit (if you try to make areas in the nonsensical infinite realms apply to physics, the realms will fight back)

shared spaces (if you want to be alone youll live outside of a gathering or live in your lair. non-lair spaces are almost never private)

(as an extension of that last one i want to point out that many ghosts who live in cities will spend like half of their time OUTSIDE of it and just kinda wandering about bc like. its the infinite afterlife. they dont need to sleep. they do whatever they want. this is Certainly true among the youthful and creative and curious :3 people)

few doors - this is kinda mortifiedverse lore, but doors are pretty much restricted to lair entrances - and solid walls - theres very little weather. windows are empty, columns are frequent, etc.

death themes. there's more of it among the Glom Psu than the others but i think its so fucking funny how in canon everybody has skulls and bones and bats and shit all over everything so im keeping it

stuff that super does not go together. depending on how devoted a certain ghost is to a theme it could be from a typical suburban tudor house with a single pool of lava to an absolutely nonsensical collage of various home-and-non-home architecture

each :3 cultural group has trends that are common among them and of course they mix into the blend of the area but ill separate them here for the sake of background

uwu:

glassy windows. i know it contradicts what i swaid earlier but they have both empty and glassy windows. think about it. thats free sunlight. for laying in. this city DOES have sunlight btw even though they dont have a sun

tall structures with platforms on the inside and outside. like yknow those cat athletic structures. the planks on the walls that kind of thing. catwalks! those. i would kill for that.

treeeeees. with bark.

lairs often have their doors hidden away in hard-to-access crooks

complex tunnel-like system closer to the ground

big public hearths with short, wide brick walls around them. also for laying on.

shallow pools

glom psu:

bright colors!!! the ghost zone in general is known for bright colors but these guys have RAINBOWS. and BLACK AND PINK. and PATTERNS. outside every fucking building

a lot of like...... big victorian houses except with walls that are more open

a few ppl have "intradimensional" lairs that manifest as like normal houses with normal, barely non-euclidean doors.

wings are very common, on buildings and stuff

skate parks :) they have roads designed for skating in addition to floating, with soft curves and rails and shit

suburban-looking parks with brightly-colored, spiky playgrounds and elaborate gazebos

actually yeah just keep putting spikes on things. they dont particularly hurt though its fine. theyre like. gummy.

cafes! these guys love eating but mostly sweets.

i guess cafes isnt architecture huh. well. its mostly just floating, column-heavy, more open victorian houses. just in general these guys love that

eebydeeby:

the architecture itself is pretty varied , with neighborhoods mostly sticking to general aesthetics. look up any -core tag on tumblr and theres a place with architecture like that. you know every 2013 "what if everybody on tumblr lived/worked/went to school together" fandom/aesthetic separation? yeah. thats real when you die

more closed off areas (both lairs and non-lairs). tumblrinas value their privacy. that being said it frequently results in big houses shared between 5-6 individuals. these shared-house groups have a term for themselves loaned from Uwu: öwôw ówuv

curving, vertically-varied walking paths. tumblrinas dont float all that much

There Is A Tumblr University.

every block or so youll find a message board with paper and pens and pins and stuff available where people """""post""""" messages and respond to others and such. tumblrinas have a potent historical tradition of recorded, written, public gradual conversation

extremely varied building purposes. there are libraries. there are restaurants. there are movie theaters. there are karaoke houses. there are sex dungeons. (ghosts have sex if they want to.) there are buildings purely for thinking. theres a building where someone puts a single doodle of a cat in the center of the floor once a day. theres everything.

the lack of consistency in architecture shows how varied and active the eebydeeby are. they thrive on differing perspectives

[ayzrules]

✶ 𝐇𝐗𝐇 𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐌𝐄𝐒: 𝐋𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓 & 𝐇𝐎𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐄𝐒𝐒, 𝐃𝐄𝐀𝐓𝐇 & 𝐃𝐀𝐌𝐍𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍   Long story short, I have been thinking about this for wayyyyy too long now and wanted to get some ~thoughts~ & analysis written down! This post is going to be...fairly long, lol. Apologies in advance :D

  Also, if you can’t see the last gif (the one for ‘holy’), click here. Tumblr keeps fucking up the image when i try to upload it :////

  This post is probably going to be about 2/3 yorknew & phantom troupe/kurapika focused, 1/3 chimera ants, maybe with some references to other arcs (including manga-only arcs) mixed in. so, ofc, tons of spoilers ahead! also, i realize that my blog theme is hard to read (and i’m p sure clicking ‘keep reading’ sends you to the og post itself), so i’m linking the post w/ full text copy/pasted in on my art backup side blog (which has a more legible font) here. 

✶ 𝐃𝐄𝐀𝐓𝐇   I’m sure absolutely nobody is surprised with me starting here - there is just. SO. MUCH. DEATH. in hxh. & right from the start, one thing I noticed that togashi really emphasized was the #4 and its connection to death. in japanese, chinese, and im p sure some other asian cultures the number 4 is pronounced like the word for death so it’s associated with death in general, and boy oh boy does the ‘deadly number 4′ thing show up E V E R Y W H E R E. we get to the hunter exam, and hisoka is applicant #44. kurapika is #404. i didn’t notice it at first, but this was so intentional holy shit. togashi is NOT SUBTLE.

  So pika & hisoka are, right off the bat, associated with death. okay. and then there are even more clues to drive the point home: hisoka is member #4 in the phantom troupe, kurapika’s birthday is april 4th (aka 4/4). 100% not a coincidence (!!). with hisoka, it’s pretty obvious why togashi’s throwing all this death 444444 stuff around - dude is a psycho murder pedo clown, literally gets off on killing people (and there’s also the fact that judas sits 4th from the left in the last supper painting, and he’s sort of the judas equivalent for the phantom troupe). with kurapika, though, it’s a bit more subtle and woven deeper into his characterization, which i LOVE. togashi puts the mans in blue & gold & white (traditionally ‘pure’ or ‘heavenly’ colors), makes him so fucking kind & so good-hearted.....when he’s not relentlessly pursuing his revenge, ofc. more on this in the next section, but pika = death. togashi has made that v v v clear.

  Backtracking a bit to hisoka, though, I also just wanted to point out the 4 is death symbolism in the fortunes too (GOD i love the fortunes): in one translation, he’s the false fourth moon, and in the og japanese (i think), he’s the false hare (4th in the lunar zodiac or w/e it’s called. i don’t know the japanese cultural influences here, but in the chinese legend that established the zodiac animals, they race across the heavenly river & the top 12 animals got zodiac slots. the hare finished 4th, so it’s #4 in the cycle). 

  And just as a final note, Tserriednich is the fourth prince of the kakin empire, and also another dude who has a hard-on for murder & other gory shit. again: togashi is not subtle with this, lmfao

✶ 𝐇𝐎𝐋𝐘, 𝐔𝐍𝐇𝐎𝐋𝐘   As probably everyone who’s gotten to yorknew knows, togashi is so 0 fucks given when he wants to be. I mean there’s the whole thing where he just. took New York and decided, Yorknew. LMFAO, but also, he made the main antag of that arc be named chrollo lucilfer, sit around in a ruined church, have a reversed cross coat, pale & dark-haired/dark-eyed, generally dressed in dark colors, very terrible murder guy. liiiike......chrollo x devil symbolism game is 1000/10 at this point lmaooo

  And i know absolutely nothing about christianity in general, but pt/kurapika & yorknew arc is just so full of christian imagery/symbolism! one thing that i L O O O O O O V E though is how togashi really blurs the traditional christian-coded good/evil, holy/damned boundaries.

  Back to kurapika: he wears gold and blue, his coloring is very stereotypically ‘angelic’, he’s precious and good and kind. his chains are all about ~judgment~ and ~healing~ - some of the chains are also in literal cross shapes, aren’t they? And the chain dagger in his own heart...the imagery is very startlingly similar to the immaculate heart of mary, where the swords stabbing thru the heart apparently represent seven sorrows. IDK much about this stuff other than the visual similarities; literally had to google ‘daggers through heart christianity?’ to even get the name of that thing LOL. anyway, at first, it seems like togashi establishes him as the ‘angel’, the ‘good’, the ‘holy’ in the angel/devil, good/evil, holy/damned dichotomy between him and chrollo.

  But that’s not the end of the story. his entire storyline is driven by a huuuuuuuge giant desire for vengeance, first of all, and then there’s the scarlet eyes, which canonically are seen as demonic/cursed/what have you (according to one of the movies or smth? where they show pika as a 10 y/o?), and then we also have red eyes in modern culture being associated w pretty much the same thing (vampires, anyone?). the fight scene with uvo has everything in b&w besides the blood on his face & his red eyes & the moon (<<< more fortune foreshadowing & symbolism, i love to see it), and there are tonssss of scenes where he has to suppress his rage. so all of that is obviously not very angelic of him i would say LOL. in fact, what i find super interesting is that the scarlet/red eyes (which are ‘demonic’) is actually the driving factor behind his super powerful nen abilities; this ties in so well with the fortunes & death associations imo! the fortunes call him the ‘death-bringer’ in one translation, or ‘half-angel, half-death’, so that’s one side of pika = red eyes = death, but there’s also the fact that emperor time is literally draining his life force. so pika = death for both himself and others namely the pt, question mark?

  Now for chrollo: togashi’s devil symbolism is EXTREMELY overt with him, but i love the subtler jesus references too. the church thing, obviously, and the st. peters cross which is cuz st peter respected jesus too much & didn’t think he was worthy to die in the same way as him (or something like that, i am the most atheist person in the world & hxh is literally my entire christian education pls) but is also used as an anti-christianity symbol these days. bandit’s secret looks like a bible, lbr, and mans has a cross tattoo.

  Other things beyond visuals - 12 spiders, 12 apostles; hisoka’s betrayal, where member #4 can be thought to correspond to judas sitting 4th from left at last supper. and this miiiiight be a bit of a stretch, but i think the meteor city being the place of origin may also play into the blurred line between angel/devil and holy/damned here; meteors are defined as space rocks that are in earth’s atmosphere, becoming incandescent in the process. meteorites are for the kinds that actually reach the ground. and idk, lucifer was cast out of heaven / sky too right? so i think there might be some subtle fallen angel imagery/symbolism playing into the pt as well

✶ 𝐋𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓 (𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐃𝐀𝐑𝐊𝐍𝐄𝐒𝐒)   Last section yay! i don’t have as much to say about this, besides when i was making chimera ant arc edits & realized that there might have been some subtle gon/meruem parallels???

  So obviously, everyone knows that line killua says to gon - “you are light” - and then i was just remembering that meruem’s name means.... “light that illuminates all” (!!!!). maybe it’s a coincidence, but knowing togashi, i’m leaning towards nahhhh. there HAS TO be some kinda meaning there (!!).

  Going back to the events of the chimera ant arc....ooh boy. let’s see: gon is optimistic & hopeful even in the face of kite potentially being dead, killua says he’s light, they find kite & dude is fucked up, gon is pissed. gets all angry & ~dark~, especially during the palace invasion when he’s staring pitou down as she fixes up komugi. then the actual fight against pitou: more darkness, more anger, but through it all there’s still light, namely his jajanken being very orange & fiery lookin.....and that final sequence, where he puts all his possible nen he’d ever have into his ~final form~ or wahtever & turns into a male version of true form!bisky but dressed in a crop top & short-shorts (i am SCARRED, btw. s c a r r e d !). there’s just huuuge flashes of light as that’s going on, and it reminded me of supernovas or dying stars when i was thinking about it, where the star is like, collapsing under its own weight? & burning thru its own fuel, until there’s nothing left except a dwarf or black hole or what have you. one final, extremely deadly burst of light & energy before death.

  On the meruem side of things: born into a dark cave, exhibits a traditionally evil/cruel/wicked/whatever personality/traits so that has ppl associating him with darkness. then he gets to know komugi, starts to appreciate other aspects of humanity, seems like he could have actually turned into a decent person who doesn’t want to eat everyone - so that’s a ‘path to light’, maybe? - and then the extermination team yeets themselves into the palace, netero takes him out to bumfuck nowhere, they fight. netero’s fighting is just ALL light, from his giant ass golden 100-type guanyin bodhisattva to the poor man’s rose. again, there’s the sense of finality to it all, in a similar vein to dying stars: netero comes in determined to kill meruem no matter what, and we all know netero doesn’t flake. then we see netero get destroyed after the zero hand, and he triggers the rose, and everything is burning & on fire before the flames are put out and all turns dark again.

  But wait!!! pouf & youpi revive meruem and all he does is play gungi with komugi, even with the poison of the rose. he eventually dies, and the gungi pieces in that final shot of them together (i am BAWLING just thinking about it holy shit) has one that’s all white, one that’s a black ring and white inside. i assume all white is for komugi, who has never done ANYTHING wrong in her LIFE, so i like to think that the 2nd one is for meruem - born “into darkness”, literally & figuratively, but he turns something like ‘good’ by the end. it’s interesting how togashi has sort of gone for a bit of a subversion here: the hero going from light to darkness, and the main antag from darkness to light.

✶ 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐂𝐋𝐔𝐒𝐈𝐎𝐍   AahhhhHHHHHhhh so if you read all the way down here through my LONG rambles, tysm! i would LOVE LOVE LOVE to hear what other people think about all this, and i’ve FOR SURE missed tons and tons of stuff - chimera ants is just. SO MUCH. and i don’t know it as well as yorknew eeek.

  I’m not sure if i’m really ~knowledgeable~ in any other areas relating to hxh, so this might be the only one of these that i do, but i definitely think about some of this - esp all the religious symbolism & #4 stuff - a ton! so in the meantime, if it’s of any interest, i’m just going to shamelessly plug my hxh x religious beliefs/superstitions edit series :D lots of love to all!!!

[yeahhiyellow]

Hi! How about 22 and/or 23 for the salty ask? :)

Yes YES it's an ASK!!!

22. Popular character you hate?

Canon Gavin. Fandom Gavin I like because Detroit Evolution was actually pretty cool and he ended up being a good character there, but canon Gavin has absolutely no redeemable qualities. He physically harasses 2 androids, almost kills (or in bad playthroughs successfully kills) one of them, is openly hostile and makes fun of Hank's alcoholism, and never once is he shown being kind to anyone. (I get even more annoyed at the fandom when they try to defend his behaviors by saying "oh but he uses he/him pronouns to refer to androids instead of just calling them "it" a couple times, or oh, he just has a tragic past!!! Which isn't mentioned in the game at all!!!!! And then they go hate on North for wanting to kill humans only when they are a direct threat to her or other androids' lives and only kills a total of one person, the man who raped her in her backstory, in a pacifist playthrough.) I mean, in the game he's pretty much there just to be the literal character representation of police brutality and workplace harassment. Given all he is and does, I think I'm being pretty goddamn nice when I say he fucking sucks but could get a redemption arc if you really tried.

23. Unpopular character you love?

North. She's the best, and while I don't agree with a lot of her violence, she's still a great character and is completely justified for having her beliefs based on her past. She deserved better writing than David fucking Cage wrote for her (aka she shouldn't have to be "calmed down" by Markus and only be successful when he's there).

I also have to mention Adam, Shaolin, and the Stratford Tower android. Adam gets a bad rep because he starts off thinking androids are machines, but he turns around. In both the river and border crossing routes, he apologizes to Kara and the fam and acknowledges their human qualities. Meanwhile, Shaolin and the Stratford Tower android are the only deviants that the fandom doesn't redeem or make near any content of. While Shaolin did murder his owner, he had been abused for months, emotionally and physically, and at the time he murdered his owner he was being beaten with a baseball bat. Then, while the Stratford Tower android did try to kill Connor and then several humans, it was only after Connor exposed him as the deviant, threatening his own life. He helped Markus and the Jericrew, and he didn't attack until he was ruthlessly interrogated and possibly even tortured by Connor. Meanwhile, even Daniel, who takes the life of several different people and takes a little girl hostage who isn't threatening him in any way or involved in the situation... the fandom has sympathy for. And I wonder why it's the black characters that people ignore while they give all the white, male ones a second or third or a million chances. 🙄

Thank you for the ask! Love your blog btw 💛

Feel free to ask me more here!

[kitkatopinions]

I'm tired of fantasy world writers being like 'oh, this is my allegory for racism in my fantasy world where actual racism doesn't exist, also I'm going to not do any research on how to properly include said allegory, badly portray it, make my main characters affected by this white or white passing, and then use racist stereotypes later.' Long post full of RWBY criticism ahead.

RWBY is terrible with the Faunus racism they chose to make part of their story. They made the White Fang an evil terrorist group, they made Blake lecture fellow Faunus about how they're the ones actually hurting themselves by using violence against each other, they framed comfortable and peaceful protest as the only good way despite establishing that peaceful protest didn't work, and they made their child slave coded character who literally got branded turn into nothing more than an abusive stalker and then had him killed without ever addressing the aforementioned child slavery. Also, the only Faunus among our main cast now that Sun is gone is one of the most privileged of the Faunus. Blake can pass as a human if she wants to, she grew up fairly rich, she has two loving parents, and she comes from an inherently powerful position as the daughter of the Chief. Having Blake be privileged would be absolutely fine, if she acknowledged her privilege, wasn’t the mouthpiece on Faunus rights, if she wasn’t the only Faunus in our main cast, and if she didn’t repeatedly lecture other Faunus.

On top of that, two of our main cast have been racist (within the narrative of the show) towards our main Faunus character, one of them learns from it (even though that as well was badly handled) and became the only member of Team RWBY to ever call out human's being racist after season three. Oh wait, except the other member of our main cast that was racist that never had it addressed because it was treated like a joke now has yelled at a racist once, in an incredibly tense situation, so I guess her racism is gone. It’s good that it’s gone, since CRWBY is pushing her and Blake as a couple, but it’s frustrating that her racism never even got a ‘that wasn’t funny’ and we never see Yang learn any better, because it feels like CRWBY brushed it off and acted like it was fun and quirky instead of treating it like the casual racism it was. They do a similar thing with Robyn in season seven which came out in 2019, when she calls Marrow ‘Wags.’ Also none of our main cast are ever seen protesting for Faunus rights (sans a two second flashback of child Blake at a rally and a non canon RWBY chibi cartoon.) I don't think Ruby - our main protagonist - has ever even mentioned Faunus rights. In a world where Adam was branded with the SDC logo under fifteen years ago at the most, racism and fighting racism should be a big part of the story, and instead, it's brushed to the side and used for the occasional 'we don't like racism btw' moment now that Blake got rid of a Faunus run terrorist group. To me, this implies that the number one threat to the Faunus… Was the Faunus, and although some humans are still anti-Faunus, no one has to devote their time or energy into fighting for equality. In season 7, Blake doesn’t even attend the rally of the political figure running against Jacques Schnee - who as far as I’m aware, is the only business owner or person in power who has ever displayed anti-Faunus racism in the show. By the way, please feel free to correct me if I’m wrong. It’s been a hot minute since I watched through the show.

Instead of attending a rally that seems very important for the Faunus, Blake goes dancing with her crush. It’s like she stopped caring about politics and rights after the White Fang got removed. That feels so bad. Also, I'll note that most of the actual POC Faunus that can't pass as white in this show are on the bad side (Sienna, Fennec, Corsac, Lionheart, Ilia, Marrow.) And either they die, or they must learn to give up their destructive ways and become better people. I’m not saying this was intentional, I’m saying it’s a pattern, it’s alarming, and the writers should’ve known better.

I believe Miles Luna and Kerry Shawcross have admitted that they mishandled Faunus racism, but first off, it still doesn’t excuse them because they were grown people putting out a product that premiered in 2013 and they should’ve known to do research and do better. But second off, I still feel like they haven't done the research they need to and continue to mishandle the racism by ignoring it when they want to and bringing it up only to let us as an audience know Weiss and Yang aren't racist anymore. They can’t just cut the Faunus from their storyline now, but they can’t just ignore it, and need to actually make it a better allegory. Honestly though, one of the big reasons I'm convinced that they still haven't done any real research on how to properly portray POC or racism is because of how terribly they're handling the Ace Ops.

They're writing a fantasy show, they aren't tied to real world portrayals of law enforcement, but they went the route of commentating on real world police, corrupt police, and use of excessive force. That's fine. But things are already pretty dicey just starting off because of how they've mishandled and continue to mishandle Faunus racism. Outside of Jacques Schnee and his company and business partners, I don't remember seeing Faunus racism in Atlas (not Mantle, Atlas.) If I'm wrong about that, again, please correct me, I may have missed it. But without seeing actual discrimination against Faunus within the police force, right off the bat, that's a mishandling of commentating on police brutality. But also, other than Clover who is now dead, the Ace Ops are all people of color. CRWBY made their bad cops all not white. Even Ironwood - who is white passing - is voiced by a person of color who has said he believes that James is Chinese American. I'll point out that being a Hunter is pretty much just being a cop with more freedom and seemingly less rules. Qrow (a Beacon Huntsman) goes around destroying public property and comments on how some hunters work outside of the law, and yet it's only the Ace Ops who are held to real world ACAB rules and everyone else gets to be a good cop/law enforcement officer. Ruby gets to proudly proclaim herself a Huntress, Weiss gets to arrest people, Jaune gets told that he deserves his Huntsman license, we've been getting told for seven seasons that Hunters help people and do what's right, and we're given long time Hunters and mentor figures like Oobleck, Glynda, Qrow, and now Robyn is being framed that way, and they back that up. Even training Atlas soldiers like Neon and Flynt are fine and fun. But only the Ace Ops are bad, corrupt law enforcement officers. So that way, we can have the entirely white passing Team RWBY beat up the entirely POC, not white passing Ace Ops. Even though Team RWBY is a byproduct of the same kind of program and even though we’ve seen the police discriminate against Faunus in Vale. If CRWBY wants their allegories to be taken seriously, they need to recognize that RWBY and co are also certified police. Also, it’s really not funny to see people use ACAB as a reason why the Ace Ops are of course bad, but then turn around and simp for Winter, and be like ‘We want Winter to be redeemed, but Harriet? What a bitch!’ Like… I’m side-eyeing that pretty hard.

Speaking of Winter, now she’s in charge of the Ace Ops. But unlike Marrow, Winter doesn’t just look sad sometimes and blindly only follow direct orders without protest. She’s actually feeling all kinds of things, and she’s actually being framed as strong, intelligent, and reasonable. I’m sure no one forgot this, but I’ll note it anyway; Winter is white. Having Winter be the only Ace Op to actually listen to JRY and do things without James explicitly telling her to (although I don’t consider what she did a betrayal or going behind his back) is dicey. They could’ve given this moment to Harriet and nothing would change. ‘This lady typically follows orders, is short tempered, and pushes down her emotions, but she can still recognize a fairly good idea when she sees one and can actually think for herself, so although this isn’t a betrayal, she compromises and lets Team JRY go after their friend.’ Yeah, idk guys, I feel like there was literally no reason to slot Winter in with the Ace Ops to be the lone voice of reason when Harriet could’ve become the new leader and played the exact same role. Instead, Winter gets to have a power move where she puts Harriet in her place. Winter is given actual depth and gets to put down the black woman who the writers have made display nothing but anger for the whole season. The fans rally behind Winter because she was given depth and hate Harriet because she has none, but that’s the fault of the writers. Btw, ‘this black woman won’t show any emotion besides anger’ is a racist stereotype. It would probably have taken like five minutes on google for Luna and Shawcross to have realized that it was a bad idea to write a black woman in any sort of position of power to be constantly angry + hiding her emotions. Elm is in the same boat as Harriet, and I was going to say it’s less severe, but then I remembered that she literally attacked Ren for talking about their emotions.

Look, my point is that RWBY as a show has never handled allegories like racism and corrupt police well, and either they should stop trying and stick to ‘make believe land is just different than the real world’ or start putting in the work and fix this. By the way, I’m not trying to make anyone feel bad for watching or even enjoying RWBY, but I hope people can watch it while recognizing that some of the things CRWBY has chosen to put into their show are destructive and that the creators need to be called out. I’ll continue to hope that most RWBY fans do recognize that RWBY is deeply flawed, but I’ve just been stewing recently about someone who told me that I shouldn’t have expected the show to address Faunus racism in the Atlas arcs because that ended when Adam died.

I want to make it totally clear that I agree with and support ACAB in the real world and I'm not against it being used in fantasy works, I just think CRWBY is doing a poor job of portraying it and many fans are misusing it and it feels disrespectful. This is an actual real world movement with actual real world consequences. It feels very bad to see people use it to argue that the writers who have never handled allegories of racism well can make an all POC group be a destructive, violent, easily controlled, easily beat group of corrupt cops that need a white woman and fellow cop to be the voice of reason.

[definitely-not-an-alb]

fanfic tropes! identity porn, friends to enemies to lovers, hurt/comfort, coffeeshop au (don't have to answer them all, pick what you like). hope work went by quickly :)

Ahhh! Thank you, anon!

Identity Porn

How  likely am I to write it: Identity porn isn’t really a narrative kink  for me, so I wouldn’t go out of my way to put it into anything, if it didn't come up naturally. Or if it would be funny.

What characters/ships/fandoms would I write it for: I don’t  really have a lot of fandom I could do identity porn for, too, so that's the next problem I have. RoL doesn't go for it much, and neither do TMA or Witcher or SGA. In the MCU/marvel comics I'm kind of only invested in Characters that just superhero under their legal name, zero fucks given in all canons I'm aware of, so oops there. Hannibal, maybe? Hannibal might work. Altho I prefere season 2 era, with everyone vague degrees of aware of each other's bs and scheming like petty murder divas.

Friends to enemies to lovers

How  likely am I to write it: Very unlikely. I think the only thing with this dynamic I like is Hannibal, as in, both Hannigram and Clannibal and Clannigram, but I don't think I'd really seek it out in fic or write it. I don't even know why, I should be into The Drama Of It All, but I'm just not.

What characters/ships/fandoms would I write it for: Like I said, Hannigram/Clannibal/Clannigram, if it's something that retells an arc. I don't really do Ironstrange, but enemies to lovers or friends to enemies to lovers might be the only way I would, probably. They just don't get along in canon, and I DO NOT UNDERSTAND why people ship it so much. Also why is their Doc always ooc. Enough moaning, I'll stop, I'll stop. Have fun ya'll, but stop the goddamn cross/mass-tagging. There shouldn't be that much Ironstrange in the gen tag, ya hear me?

hurt/comfort

How  likely am I to write it: VERY LIKELY. Hmmmmmm give me that good hurt/comfort.

What characters/ships/fandoms would I write it for: Basically everything, lol. All my faves are idiots who need to be shipped with therapy and tortured with hugs. The Bev & Thomas fic is very hurt comfort-y, as is the Nonromantic-Soulmates WIP. Yes I know I never finish anything, shhhh. There's also an unfinished Strangewong fic in my drafts that's technically sick!fic (I MEAN ... what else lmao) and involves cuddling and soup and being sad about Endgame, so. Which, btw, is THE ONLY reason I will ever acknowledge that dumbassery masquerading as plot. To mine it for FRIDGE HORROR *evil laughter*. And then hand out soup.

coffeeshop au

How  likely am I to write it: Relatively unlikely? I don't really do fluff without plot (and I'm down with emotions as plot or snapshots that reveal something halway and sideways), and incidentally the only version of this trope I ever started would need a Graphic Violence tag lol. (If it wasn't LANGUISHING IN MY DRAFTS.) So I think I might be doing this trope wrong. Also doesn't help that I have experience manning a beer-counter / drink station, so I fall hard in the camp of 'that's an awful place for cute/fluffy shenanigans, have ya'll ever worked customer service lol'-camp. I see the appeal, but I also ... don't.

What characters/ships/fandoms would I write it for: Like I said, the only one I ever started was low-key a joke, because I don't do the trope and the fandom didn't have (and still doesn't have) one, and also because, you know. Graphic violence.

Have the first four or so paragraphs of the very unfinished RoL Demi-Monde Coffeeshop ... pre-canon canon divergence. Is there even a tag for that kinda thing? Anyways. I think the best part about this is getting to write a snotty totally-an-adult!!!-Peter who has zero respect for anything and thinks Thomas is the most ridiculous person he ever met. No graphic violence yet, only canon-typical ableist language.

There’s a lot of reasons people hate working in customer service; The bad pay, the atrocious hours, the customers, the service.

I did about two year of it, first on-and-off positions in some retail shops around where I grew up, punctuated by getting dragged along to my mother’s cleaning gigs, and then later, about a year in a not-actually-fancy Coffee House near Russell Square. And I figured afterwards my stint in customer service and retail had, at the very least, taught my younger self some much needed humility and compassion.

I’m kidding, of course. It just confirmed the suspicions I held towards my fellow humans. Especially the kind that start magic duels in public.

Now, I worked in a Coffee House, not a coffeshop, which meant Management got to price everything even more ridiculous then the rest of the world, we played wannabe-jazz elevator music instead of pop and our clientele wasn’t weird and crazy but more slightly bizarre and very deranged.

Like that one vaguely East-European guy who thought combining windowpane and paisley was a grand idea and who we – that’s the staff – did certainly not call Dracula, or the posh black lady who came to pick up her coffee before heading into the City every morning, except for that one time when, I swear on my dad’s record collection, she was wearing a diving suit under her costume, and of course Mister Stranger-Danger, who was the reason younger cousins didn’t get to do their homework behind the counter any more.

Of course we got your everyday stroll-by white girls and hipsters, but our regulars where, as far as I could tell, decidedly posh, but mostly not yet fully upper class, and also completely batshit looney, is what I’m saying. No offence to actual crazy people, because they certainly don’t dress that badly.

That’s why I didn’t even bat an eyelash when one day someone walked into the shop who was either a time-travelling noir-spy or a runaway extra from Downton Abbey.

He was a white guy, in that inexplicable past-40 age range where I can’t tell their age for the life of me, with a side sweep that must have been held in place with actual pomade, and dressed in one of those sleek looking, old suits with the broad, deep lapels and incredible narrow waists. To round off the impression that he’d come over, lean homoerotically close and tell me the name of the Kraut’s informant any moment now, he’d draped a Burberry over his arm and lugged an actual, honest to god walking cane around the city. It seemed impractical to me, but who am I to judge people’s fashion choices; I’m only the barista.

He also had that stiff demeanour about him, which I’d taken as a sign of something shifty going on anywhere else. Here, in seven out of ten cases, and even more with posh dudes, it meant that he longed to order something utterly ridiculous, with a long name, six ingredient and maybe some speculoos dust uptop, but didn’t have the courage too. Honestly, the way grown men start acting once there’s pumpkin spice on the menu is hilarious – you’d think we’re selling sex toys under the table.