#bruce wayne is human

[favoritebatfam]

I want a fanfic where Bruce Wayne gets cursed with something that will kill him, or he gets sick to the point he might die. I want slow realizations of how much Bruce means to everyone. I want Jason to hear about it from someone else, because he doesn’t talk to Bruce anymore, and for him to arrive at the manor and ask his dad what’s going on. I want Jason breakdown and realize that he still loves his dad after everything and he doesn’t wanna lose him.

I don’t want this angst with just Jason either. I want Tim to be furiously looking for something, anything, that will help Bruce get better. I want Damien to shut down, unable to process what’s going on. I want to Dick come home, and look at his father, while he’s asleep and realize this is just a man. That his Dad isn’t this big scary person that he used to think he was.

I also want angst with the justice league too, as well as a few of the rogues. I want Harley to hear about this and flashback to how many times Bruce has helped her over the years. I want twoface to hear about it, and for them to mourn it together. I want Clark to feel powerless for the first time ever.

You all know, he wouldn’t tell the Justice league on purpose. I’m personally picturing him passing out due to whatever is happening to him during a meeting and after the meeting having a debrief, he tells him everything. I want all of the members of the justice league to look at Batman and see Bruce Wayne.

I want everyone to realize how human Bruce Wayne is, and how easily he could die.

[mantareidraws]

Giving battinson the big birb hug he so desperately needs 🫂

[panakina]

I refuse to believe that Bruce Wayne, a man in his fifties who took up martial arts in his twenties, who has had at least one serious spinal injury and countless other injuries, is in anyway comparable to the adult robins, who have been training and conditioning since their early teens if not earlier and are all in their prime.

[batsyheere]

Bruce tries to adopt Ellie, who is immediately against it. She keeps throwing him off her trail and he keeps tracking her down. She's honestly concerned, and normally she would handle her problems by herself- but this is Batman.

So when Bruce gets a little too close and Ellie is just so tired... she calls for Danny.

"Mom!"

Cue college student, perpetually tired and overworked Danny "High King Phantom" Fenton appearing from the very shadows Batman normally does himself, seeing the situation and going off at this "clearly older man" chasing his daughter in the middle of the night.

Cue the most elaborate "stop trying to adopt my kid before I adopt yours" series of battles

[bruciemilf]

Bruce being so smiley and happy around Robin! Jason shatters me so intimately. Soft as hell if this continues when Jason’s red hood, too.

“Robin,” Bruce calls him that out of habit and isn’t at all surprised when Jason swiftly punches his arm, only to rub the place a moment later, even if Bruce barely notices. “This is not the time for jokes.”

“ Three o’clock is always the time for jokes. You scheduled it.”

“Nightwing was turned into a rabbit. And you’re laughing.”

“Have you seen the guy’s Tik Toks? This is as dignified as he’ll ever be.”

Jason is very sure Dick can understand them, because he’s biting hard through his boots. Even harder when Bruce snorts and presses his lips in a white line.

Don’t get me wrong, thought, it’s vice versa.

“I think we’re gonna have to kill this guy, B.” Talking about a guy who cut the line in Batburger while Cass was trying to order.

Bruce, in his Batman voice, “fuck!”

Jason has one of those laughing fits where you get on the floor, breathless and limp. “This brings up memories.”

“ROBIN.”

[trianglegoddess]

Feral McGee™

It starts with the Joker. 

His goons picked up Tim Drake. Not specifically because it was Tim Drake, he just so happened to be in the Joker’s neighborhood, and we'll, he can't pass up that opportunity now can he? 

Except Tim Drake is watching, along with the rest of Gotham, at the Batcomputer. He’s nursing a broken foot and has been put on monitor duty until he's cleared for field work again. 

The guy looks enough like him, though. Black hair, blue eyes, and bags under his eyes for days. He's also got the same lean sort of build like he does. 

It happens like this. 

The Joker is doing his monologue thing where he explains whatever twisted game he's come up with this time. He takes up the majority of the screen, so nobody can see Not-Tim behind him, not until the big reveal. Then he covers the screen again, getting up close and personal, before stepping back. In those quick few seconds, Not-Tim is no longer sitting there tied to the chair. 

Someone off camera lets the Joker know, and he whirls around, confused as the rest of Gotham. 

And then Not-Tim comes in with the steel chair. 

Or, well, a crowbar, but the reference holds up. 

He takes out one of Joker’s knees before punching him in the face. The Joker drops like a bag of stones, out cold. 

Then he looks towards the camera. 

“Hey there. I'm not really sure where I am, but also if he was after Tim Drake, he got the wrong guy. I'm not him, I'm just some dude. Anyway, I'll just-yep-” he carefully steps over the unconscious Joker, gives the camera a little wave, and then leaves. 

Batman and Nightwing enter shortly after, with the Joker and his goons out cold and tied up. The knots were complicated enough where, in the end, the police resorted to cutting the ties off of them so they could be properly cuffed and taken to Arkham. 

“A constrictor knot,” Batman tells Nightwing as they watch the villain be taken away. “Often used by sailors to temporarily tie things together to keep something in a bag, or to hold something to glue it back together.”

“Huh,” Nightwing says, scratching the back of his head. “Go figure.”

—

The next time it happens, it’s the Riddler. 

He’s laughing, giving his riddles to the Bats and recording himself to all of Gotham while his victim, one of the Wayne brats, hangs over a vat of something. From a distance, he looks like Tim Drake, or maybe a lankier Dick Grayson. And he’s not the only victim, they’re all scattered across the city, but he thought an important figure such as a Wayne should be under the Riddler’s direct supervision while he enacts his schemes. 

While the Riddler cackles and plots and waves his cane around, in the background all of Gotham can see the figure escape. Several Gothamites recognize him as the kid from before, who clocked the Joker. They all watch with bated breath as he sort of wiggles his way out of the ropes holding him up. Once he’s free, he climbs the rope and gets himself down safely. 

Gotham holds their breath as the kid casually walks up to the Riddler, who’s mid-rant. He politely taps him on the shoulder, and as the Riddler is turning around, the kid clocks him just as brutally as he had the Joker. He’s down with one punch. 

They think he’s going to say another sort of awkward goodbye, but instead he pats the Riddler down until he finds a piece of paper tucked into the inside pocket of his jacket. 

“Right,” the kid says, looking at the list. There’s a lot more static overlay now, and several wonder if it’s damage to the cameras. “Uh, the Clocktower, the Docks, and-” he squints at the page for a moment-”Mama Nacaroni’s? What the fuck is that? Anyway, uh. See you later, I guess. Oh! And we’re at the Gotham Arena. Have fun with him, I guess.”

The kid tosses the paper off to the side before the camera cuts to black. 

Just like last time, everyone is out cold and tied up. The Riddler himself is sporting a pretty bad shiner, but well deserved nonetheless. 

“Stop it,” Red Hood tells him. Batman just looks at him, and though Hood can’t see the top half of his face, he can tell that his eyebrow is raised. “You know exactly what I mean, B. Put the adoption papers away.”

“Hn.”

—

After that, it sorta becomes a game. The rogues of Gotham are no longer after a Wayne, or after anybody who holds any kind of social status like usual. They’re all going after this one kid, all determined to be the one to hold him. And each one is televised. 

Mr. Freeze freezes him in a block of ice, but due to the cameras glitching out, nobody can really see how he got free. They do, however, see the kid suplex Mr. Freeze. It should seem impossible, given his lanky figure, but he evidently has more muscle than he’s originally let on. 

Two-Face gets a hold of him, using chains and some power-dampening cuffs just on the off-chance that he’s a meta. They all watch as the kid leans down, pulls a bobby pin out of his hair, and picks the locks on his cuffs. One punch, and Two-Face is down. 

Gothamites are going wild for the kid. They’ve dubbed him Feral McGee™ (an online poll, of course), because every time he goes in for the punch he gets this feral look in his eyes. Also, just the fact that he casually goes up to these rogues and takes them out with all the casualness of doing something incredibly mundane? Incredible. The Gothamites are eating it up. However, despite the video evidence, nobody has been able to properly identify the kid. They know he has black hair and bright eyes, but any time he gets near a camera, it’s like there’s this weird, sort of warped quality the camera takes on. It doesn’t usually calm down until the fight is done-as one sided as they usually are-before he awkwardly skedaddles away.  

He gets kidnapped by the Penguin, Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy (though that was more just a friendly chat than anything), Mad Hatter, and the Riddler again. 

And then the Joker escapes. 

It’s no surprise as to who he’s going to go after. 

Due to one too many careless goons, they manage to find their way to the Joker’s hideout pretty quickly. This time, it’s all Bats on deck, and they all hide away in the rafters as Feral McGee™ is hung over a vat of acid. His whole body is tied up, hardly a single inch of exposed skin to be seen except for the neck up. 

They watch the goons, they watch the Joker, and they watch Feral McGee™. 

The Joker is monologuing, practically begging the bats to come find him before the timer runs out. When it does, the kid gets dumped into the vat of acid. 

Despite these stakes, the kid seems to be only mildly annoyed. 

“Fuck this, I have homework I still need to finish,” they hear him say. 

They all watch, amazed and confused, as the kid starts gnawing through the ropes. Human teeth shouldn’t be able to do that so easily, but one bit after the other, and soon enough the kid’s got himself freed enough to just climb up the rest of the rope. When he’s at the top of the crane holding him up, Batman lets down a rope and pulls the kid up and out of danger. 

“Oh, cool, you’re all here,” the kid says casually, as if meeting the entire Bat Clan is just a normal Tuesday. And then he pulls out a notepad and pen and hands it to Red Hood. 

“Can I get an autograph? You’re dope as fuck, dude.”

Red Hood has to look away and hide his face in his arms for a few moments to not give away their location with his laughter before signing. And then, one by one, the others do as well. They pass along the kid’s notebook with shit-eating grins and barely contained snickers despite the fact that the Joker is still right below them. Even Batman signs it, after his children don’t stop hounding him about it. 

In their distraction, they didn’t see the kid sneak away. He’s far away from them now, nearly right over the Joker. Danny waits, though, until the Joker has turned around as the timer almost runs out. They watch as he snickers at Joker’s flabbergasted look. The Joker comically looks back and forth and under objects the kid obviously isn’t under. However, before he can do or say anything else, the kid drops from the rafters and right on top of the Joker. He crumples to the ground, unconscious. The kid, however, just brushes the dust off of himself. Despite the fall he took, there isn’t a scratch on him. 

When the bats join him, they give his notepad back to him, barely able to contain their laughter at the absurdity of it all. The kid, too, joins in the camaraderie, laughing and joking along with them as Batman secures the Joker. 

“Okay, okay, but I gotta ask, dude,” Red Hood says at one point, looking at the kid. “How do you keep getting kidnapped?”

The kid just shrugs. “I get distracted easily. And I’m sleep deprived, so you know. Social awareness is kind of at an all time low right now.”

“Why are you sleep deprived?” Nightwing asks, barely hidden concern in his voice. 

 “Finals are kinda kicking my ass right now. Especially this dumb English homework I have. You guys wouldn’t happen to know anything about that, would you?”

“Oh, lucky for you,” Red Hood says, wrapping an arm around the kid’s shoulders as he walks them out of the warehouse, “I happen to know a lot about English. So, it is Shakespeare?”

“Yeah, Midsummer Night’s Dream.”

As they walk off, Batman calmly watches, though the rest of the bats can see his jaw twitching. Nightwing comes up behind him, clapping a hand on his shoulder. 

“If you don’t adopt him, I will.”

“Hn.”

[monkesupreme]

dense, neutron star of a man. His weight fluctuates based off of the amount of sun hes been exposed to, and the amount of water ingested, so a very healthy kryptonian easily weighs around 350-400 lbs/ 158-181 kgs. Martha quickly traded in her lawn chairs for sturdy, solid wood, rocking chairs for the front porch as he got older, but Clark seems to be drawn to the flimsy lawn chairs like a moth to a flame.

(Hes prone to shouting for his Ma or Pa when hes scared awake, old habit hes never broke out of lol)

Bonus: a regular day for Bruce

[hehether]

Reverse! AU where most of them don't have no killing code, and Jason is a priest 🧍‍♂️

Vampire king Dick's dad was Edward Cullen Battinson trust me

[dcxdpdabbles]

Thomas reading Gotham folk tales as bedtime stories: No one knows what happened to the Arkhams that night. Danny: I do Thomas: What are you doing out of your grave? Get back in there. Danny: But I- Thomas: You. Get. Danny sadly: Okay. Eight-year-old Bruce: What was that? Thomas: That was chapter twenty-seven. The legend of the Ghost Man. Bruce: Ghost?! Why was a ghost here? Thomas: Hush, Bruce. I hate spoilers; you'll learn the Ghost Man's myth when we get to it. Anyway, the Death of the Arkham bloodline- Martha: Thomas what did I say about scaring Bruce with your silly stories. Thomas: These aren't stories. They're historical records! I personally encountered every single one! Martha: Thomas, you did not enounter- Thomas: Yeah? Tell that to Danny Fenton! Martha: What does your first kiss have to do with this? Thomas huanted look in his eye: Everyhting. Bruce: I'm scared Dad. Thomas: You should be, especially after what happened to the Arkhams. On a night just like this, they died in this very room- Bruce: WHAT!? Thomas: Yes, the Arkhams used to own this manor before the Waynes bought it after their death. In fact, I was possessed while lying on the very same bed you are currently in. The Ghost Boy- at the time, he was a teenager, but now he's aged as you saw- appeared to free me, but if he hadn't, I would have died. Martha: THOMAS Bruce: *crying* I DON'T WANT TO DIE Thomas: And I didn't want to fall in love with an immortal when I was fourteen only to have him dump me after our kiss, but that's how things go. Anyway, good night, Bruce. I pray you don't become a dead thing skin suit! Papa loves you :D

[frownyalfred]

Batfamily/Superfamily angst fic where one of the Supes (Jon? Kon?) takes off too quickly/recklessly next to one of the Batkids and accidentally ruptures their eardrum and Bruce goes on the warpath for Clark about it.

[haveihitanerve]

“I’m human!” Batman protests when one of the JL members looks at him in shock after he survives a mission that technically should've been able to kill Superman.

“I’m human!” Nightwing argues to his fellow Young Justice members after completing a quadruple backflip twirl and knocked out three guards when not even Kori can do that. 

“I’m human!” Red Hood complains to one of his generals after they accuse him of being a ghost and/or zombie. (in all fairness to them he did die)

“I’m human!” Red Robin mutters to the Teen Titans after pulling four all nighters and surviving off of only three packets of sugar and eighty cups of coffee for seven weeks. 

“I’m human!” Robin insists to his Mother during one of their monthly visits, despite the fact that he arrived with several stab wounds and what is probably a concussion that should have landed him in the hospital but he still walks straight. 

“I’m human!” Orphan signs to the concerned police officer after he just watched her rip a mans shin out with only her fingernails. (he is fine. Orphan doesn't kill)

“I’m human!” Spoiler dismisses the other heroes(vigilantes) looks, seconds after having beat up eight goons with nothing more than a textbook, while telling each one a joke and hitting them in the face if they didn't laugh, laughing at each one she told, and having just landed a triple backflip onto a trashcan.

“I’m human!” Barbara assures her father at their weekly coffee meeting, although she did roll up with Scarecrow fear toxin wafting from her hair, Gothams harbor water covering her wheels. 

No, Batfamily, you are not human. Not anymore. That is a technically and you should not die on that hill. (you will not, despite the fact that a real human would) You were born human, and even that isn't scientifically provable.

"I'm a meta." Duke admits, the only reasonable one in the batfamily willing to admit he's different, although no less crazy.

[emacrow]

Damian and the Dumpster baby.

Damian was doing patrols, with a bit of a minor rescuing and feeding the strays animals until he heard a noise from a dumpster.

Tonight was going to be a storm coming, and he rather check up on the strays, feed them, fixing any of the secure hiding places he put out for them for rain occasionally, and try to smuggle 1 or 6 into the barn again without Father knowing. Alfred can keep a secret sometimes.

Jumping on the edge of the dumpster to see a plastic bag tied up on the pile of trash with something squirming inside, alive obviously. Oh if this another group of puppies, he going to find the culprit himself and break their kneecaps and arms this time.

Easily untying the plastic bag and opening to reveal.. a little baby.

Not a kitten or a puppy, a living breathing human baby, cut and tied umbilical and a pale with a unique birth mark in a shape of a lichtenberg from his tiny hand fading to his chest.

This..

This was out of Damian's comfort line.

He had dealt with saving animals, people, children, hell even toddlers. He never dealt with a baby before much less a newborn.

He could panic later as he hear the sounds of a storm brewing. Carefully picking up the baby by the back of the head and and by the body, using his cape to as a blanket to cover the obvious nudity of the baby. Climbing onto his Red Robin theme Doom Buggy.

Taking care of a baby is no different then taking care of a baby animal, right?

.....

.....

.....

.....

He got caught after 5 month and a half by Alfred during feeding Danyal time, while scolded him about hiding the baby instead of coming to him.

He had a good reason to though, last time he told Alfred about the last newest addition, Bruce sended the Jafar the Ligor to a sanctuary. He still felt betrayed by that.(even though now Jafar is happily spending his days with the other mixed big cat breed but still)

He done a good enough job taking care of Danyal, even though he had to secretly look up baby stuff, medicine, clothes, a soft bedded cot and diapers.(the smell was much less worse then the sewer) he considered himself a great care-taker.(even though in the back of his mind, he feared that he might had unlocked that genetic adopt-bat bait traits that Dick warned him about)

Damian had gotten.. a bit attached, considering the idea of putting danyal in orphanage or a foster care wasn't ideal afterall the corrupted ones that Father and him had broken through over the years left a bad gut feeling if he had actually gone through with his plan. Danyal was one of his babies, only not covered in fur, scales, or a shell.

And he didn't do everything all on his own, Cass was the only who figured it out, kept it a secret and help out.. then steph found out... and Jason, Tim and Duke unfortunately found out after Cass and steph snuck danyal in the manor for a nice bath.

Only reason Dick didn't found out because everyone know he can't keep a secret away from Bruce's ear for long after found out Jason's new girlfriend was the new therapist in Gotham, and telling Bruce would feed his adopt-holic again and he end up having baby fever. (Tim didn't tell him what that word meant but he did look it up in a baby care guide book for new parents. And EW)

They were going to wait it out til Danyal was at least toddler age before sneaking him in the manor to gatekeep gaslight girlboss Father into thinking he already adopted him. (Steph's words, not his)

New post <-

[violent138]

Ra's definitely one of those father-in-laws devastated to realize that Bruce's breakup with his daughter also meant no more sports nights or fishing weekends for them.

[garpen]

I love Gothamites thinking that the batfamily are Cryptids when they're not.

I also love the idea that to begin with, Gothamites know Robin has been a bunch of different human kids that the: Definitely a Cryptid Batman™ (bc let's be honest that thing is not human) has taken under his wing.

I think it makes the Robins scarier to them. Like "There's something fucked up enough about this kid that the Demon Bat took them in." And they're all pretty sure that every time there's a switch in Robin's it's bc the Cryptid Demon Batman thing probably killed them off or something.

They always try and warn off whatever new Robin he's taken in, but whenever they do the New Robin always laughs them off or attempts to assure them that they're fine and not worry.

[bbbbbbbbatman]

Clark wakes up one day and his throat hurts and he can't breath through his nose and he's all hot and feverish and he just feels bad. So he shows up at the manor sniffling with watery eyes like "Bruce I think I'm dying :'("

And Bruce is trying to stay calm but internally he's panicking a bit bc it's Superman, Superman doesn't get sick and Clark's not the type to over exaggerate his condition so if he thinks it's bad it must be.

So they go to the watchtower and contact the Lantern Corps and they send over a doctor. Clark is ready for the worst but after a brief examination that doctor's like "oh yeah, it's space flu" really casually

"Space flu?"

"Yeah, I mean it's not the thing humans get but it's pretty similar. You probably got it from that alien invasion last week. It'll suck but just rest and drink lots of fluids and you should be fine in a week."

Clark is embarrassed at his overreaction and wants to go home to mope but Bruce forces him to stay at the manor until he gets better so he can make sure someone is actually taking care of Clark.

[bruciemilf]

I want an AU where Jor-El survived with Clark and they both crash on earth together.

The image of Pa Kent worrying this smoking hot extraterrestrial DILF is gonna steal his wife is so funny to me. His baby IS adorable, thought, so he can stay.

Jor-El is actually courting BOTH him and Martha.

Is this an elaborate scheme so I can get Bruce being cornered by a big ass Kryptonian father who’s adamant he completes their courting rituals?

Perhaps.

Jor-El is tall like a mountain and calm like a river, pinning Bruce down with a hard stare as he explains the process in their own language. Which Bruce WILL study and learn if he wants a shot.

Clark sighs, “He says the suitor can pick any activity they please as long as the rules are fair. If they fail to win, the parent can,— dad, I’m not translating that.”

He doesn’t need to. Bruce learned Kryptonian since the first day they met. Jor-El’s torture methods are definetly creative. “Hn.”

He knows what he has to do.

—

“…Did you just win Clark in a game of poker?”

Bruce shrugs, hoarding the winning tokens while Jor-El rages. “I also won an apple pie.”

Ma Kent is cackling.