#brain please cooperate

[auncyen]

got a school e-mail about tuition rate changes and was like "oh great how much are they hiking it"

it's...a $50...decrease?

...well okay then.

[iiicarus0]

a sermon best taken kneeling

filling your mouth with prayer, drawing hymns out of their throat

the sound of something holy coming forth from something this filthy

one brief movement and a choir singing out praise

small acts of faith, of proof of something greater, a tool for the devout,

this too a manner of worship, evidence of love and loyalty,

communication with a heavenly body, wordless conversation,

hands clasped together, bound

in a gesture of vulnerability beneath something more powerful than yourself

a room with a tall ceiling and stained glass windows depicting

martyrs and lovers and good people taken too soon

the slight sounds echoing while they all politely cast their gazes away

hearing fervent pleas escape their lips from your place here knelt,

all thought escapes you, save for:

this, this is what faith ought to be

[teukiechicken]

Me thinking reading will make me tired bUT NO IT JUST KEEPS ME AWAKE because now my brain is like “now you gotta finish the whole book. No sleep only read. Here’s All the energy in the world at 3am”

[cactihut]

i can feel the weight of media literacy being at an all-time low every time someone mentions that cooper already has a wife as some kind of gotcha against ghoulcy because like hello??? did we watch the same show?? do you know what alimony is?? they spelled it out for you that he was in shock at her decisions & that they were definitely divorced, please use your head

[yourfingeronmytriggers]

So I got something in my head that my brain won't let go of and thought I would inflict on share with you. :D

Imagine with me for a moment-

Lucy and Cooper on their New Vegas journey and they have a "moment" when he tells her about Janey and the way he's been looking for her for over two hundred years. And finally saying it out loud to someone has him getting stuck inside his own head and he starts thinking...

How he's not even fit to fill the role of parent anymore. Even back then, remembering how the public talked and whispered then shouted and booed, ending his career. How his wife turned into someone he didn't know and left him to die with a broken marriage and a broken heart in a broken world. How the media labeled him a threat to the public, turning him into a pariah almost anywhere he went. How Barb's powerful connections almost persuaded the courts to rule him "unfit", which nearly resulted in him losing all custody and never seeing his daughter again. How he's only become worse now, how he's a monster and a killer and if his daughter saw him now she'd probably scream in terror--

And then suddenly, just--

Lucy: "You're a good father."

And it's the first time he's heard those words in lifetimes.

[togament]

I just know Ume would ask you out in the cutest, sweetest way possible. Surrounded with friends, your favorite food, dishes he even cooked himself.

He even dressed for the event too.

He even asked help from everyone at Makochi to plan it out.

Sigh.

BIGGEST SIIIIGH.

[roguelov]

I have problem with my octo!Dream story where reader gets saved by Dream after a bad storm and shipwreck and taken to an island/cove of Dream’s home but like I have no reason for why reader is out at sea 😂 my brain is like ‘here’s all these scenes! Write!’ While I’m sitting here like ‘cool cool love this but why are we here?’ And like also needing a reason for the reader to maybe want to leave for tension??

Like do I make them a pirate? But it feels so typical

Business woman? Shipment gone wrong or out to meet up with a possible buisness partner?

Like why we out at sea? Who put us here?? I mean I did and I am the god of this story but I’m still scratching my mind

[bonesandthebees]

sorry I've been so inactive with my writing lately. it's really difficult for me to get the writing vibes flowing again after everything and when I do have energy to write I've been wanting to work on more original stuff than fic (although I am trying to write more of ready set detonate still, and once I'm done with that I want to continue rose. but also I didn't think ready set detonate would take so long my brain is just not cooperating with writing anymore and it's killing me a bit)

[saturn-sends-hugs]

hhhhghghghgghggg guess who has a massive presentation tomorrow that they’re stressing out overrrrrr

[mikichko]

fighting demons to finish this ask because I'll get hot cheetos and stray dogs chapter 2 as a treat for it

[eepymonstrr]

halo you gotta shower. just get in there it’ll be fine. you’ll be okay. it’s not gonna get you. halo just sit on your shower chair. you’re fine. you’re safe. halo get clean. please. please just shut off your brain and do it. just get clean. it’s fine. it’s not going to get you. you don’t have to panic. please.

[dynamic-k]

Well

The whump part is now done! >:D

Now for the fluff- O v O

...Did I completely forget how to do that, or am I just still excited about the angst I wrote- Q v Q'

[mastcrmarksman]

good new for steve rogers, clint's been passed out cold for all of the fourth of july.

[fort-cozy-mcblanket]

As of The Change Constant, Sheldon and Amy have had coitus 12 times. But do we know all 12 times? 

The Shamy Coital Count: What We Know, What We Don’t, and What We Can Wildly Speculate

1. Amy’s 36th Birthday The Opening Night Excitation

Date: December 17th, 2015 Location: Amy’s bed in her apartment #314

Obviously we all know the first time. Sheldon skipped the advance screening of Star Wars: The Force Awakens to be with Amy on her birthday, and coitus was his gift to her. It is implied that it lasted for approximately the runtime of the movie, which is 2 hours and 16 minutes. When they are done, Sheldon says he looks forward to her next birthday when they will do it again, to which Amy agrees. 

2. Amy’s 37th Birthday The Birthday Synchronicity

Date: December 17th, 2016 Location: Apartment 4B, most likely on Sheldon and Amy’s shared bed

Per their verbal agreement after their first time, Sheldon and Amy do not have coitus again until Amy’s next birthday. Sheldon wakes Amy up right at midnight for it, however they are interrupted by Bernadette going into labor. They do not end up doing it until after the birth and after returning from a trip to the Wizarding World of Harry Potter. Harry Potter roleplay may or may not have been involved. 

3. Amy Leaves for Princeton The Gyroscopic Collapse

Date: May 6th, 2017 (estimated) Location: Sheldon and Amy’s shared bed in apartment 4B

Amy is offered a summer research fellowship at Princeton, and they break their rule of only having coitus on her birthday to do it once before she leaves. This is the first time we hear Sheldon refer to it as “lovemaking.” They fold their clothes neatly before they do it. Leonard, Penny, and Raj hear them going at it from out in the hallway of the apartment building. The exact date this occurs is uncertain, but if we assume the episode’s airdate of May 4th, 2017, to be the date at the start of the episode, they have coitus 2 days later on May 6th, 2017. 

4. Amy’s 38th Birthday The Celebration Reverberation

Date: December 17th, 2017 Location: Unoccupied bedroom in Howard and Bernadette’s house

Back to tradition, the next time they have coitus is on Amy’s birthday. It almost didn’t happen, as the day prior they both got food poisoning from the Little House on the Prairie-inspired frontier dinner Sheldon prepared. They were still sick that morning, but felt good enough later in the day to attend Halley’s first birthday party. At the party, while everyone else is distracted by the baby, Sheldon and Amy jump in the inflatable bounce house and then find an unoccupied bedroom for their own celebration. This is the first known time they do it as an engaged couple and the first known time they do it outside of one of their own bedrooms. 

5. Wedding Night The Bow Tie Asymmetry/The Conjugal Configuration

Date: May 12th, 2018 Location: Hotel room outside of Legoland California

Per The Athenaeum Allocation, we know Sheldon and Amy got married on May 12th. Nothing beyond the wedding ceremony is shown in The Bow Tie Asymmetry, but when we see them again in The Conjugal Configuration they are just waking up the next morning. Sheldon confirms that they consummated. Apparently Sheldon made Lego snapping sounds during the consummation. 

6. Honeymoon in New York The Conjugal Configuration

Date: May 15th, 2018 Location: Hotel room in New York City

Sheldon and Amy get into an argument over Sheldon’s need to schedule their coital encounters, and this comes to a head while they are on the Nikola Tesla tour. Later, they reach a compromise and decide that Sheldon can make a schedule and just not tell Amy about it. He plans to create an algorithm that will generate a pseudo-random schedule to accomplish this, and Amy’s explanation of why it cannot be a true random schedule excites him so much, they rush back to the hotel so she can explain it to him again naked. 

7. Three Weeks Ago The Donation Oscillation 

Date: January 19, 2019 (estimated) Location: Unknown, but most likely their shared bed in apartment 4B

When Leonard goes to apartment 4B to get away from Penny, who was trying to seduce him, Amy asks him why he is trying to avoid having sex. Sheldon, mistakingly thinking the question was directed at him, says they just did it three weeks ago. The exact date this occurred is uncertain. Based on the airdate and events of the episode, they had this conversation on February 9th, 2019. Three weeks prior would be Saturday, January 19th, 2019. 

Because this is a seemingly insignificant date, this could be one of Sheldon’s randomly scheduled sessions. It is important to note, though, that this does fall around the events of the Confirmation Polarization, where their super-asymmetry theory is proven by Drs. Pemberton and Campbell and they decide to fight them for the Nobel Prize. Perhaps they made love to celebrate that their theory got proven? Or as a physical manifestation of their commitment to either win the Nobel together or not at all? Something to think about. 

8 & 9. The Avengers Trailer The Change Constant

Date: December 7th, 2018 or March 14th, 2019 (estimated) Location: Unknown, but most likely their shared bed in apartment 4B

When Penny says Sheldon has had sex almost as many times as she has fingers, Sheldon corrects her and says it was more by two, thus bringing the grand total up to 12. He then goes on to say it was because of the Avengers trailer. The dialogue is a little ambiguous, but this implies that those two extra times are both because of the trailer. I’m going to go ahead and count them both here, because that is my interpretation and also because I think it’s funny that seemingly the first time they go two rounds is because Sheldon got too excited about a movie trailer release. 

Anyway, most likely Sheldon is referring to Avengers: Endgame, which hit theaters April 26th, 2019. The first trailer was released on December 7th, 2018, which potentially puts this prior to the previous list entry. However, considering this the events of the Change Constant take place in October 2019 (due to the Nobel ceremony taking place in December every year and this episode being set two months prior to that), it’s a little strange that Sheldon would bring up an example from so long ago. It’s possible too that it could have been the release of the second Endgame trailer on March 14, 2019, although that still is quite some time ago. (Unsure about any subsequent trailers.) Then again, perhaps Sheldon just knew that Penny was unaware of these two instances in particular, eidetic memory and all that.

---

So, that brings us up to 9 confirmed coital encounters. What about the other 3? 

Well, I have some suggestions . . .

10. Amy’s 39th Birthday

Date: December 17th, 2018 Location: Unknown

Although Amy was not given a birthday episode in season 12, I feel very confident in saying this was one of the missing instances. It’s their tradition, after all. In the timeline of the show, this would fall somewhere between the VCR Illumination and the Paintball Scattering, so while they’re still working on their super-asymmetry paper, before it was published. 

11. Honeymoon Round Two

Date: May 14th - May 20th 2018 (estimated) Location: Hotel room in New York City

This is less of a sure thing than Amy’s birthday, but I still think it is likely that they did it another time while away on their honeymoon. Actually, I originally was counting their arrival in New York as a confirmed coital encounter, as Sheldon says they can either make love or steam their wizard robes once the bellman leaves them alone in their room. I ended up removing it as the dialogue is just ambiguous enough that I can’t say for sure, plus when they get back from the Harry Potter play they are wearing the same clothes and the bed looks untouched. I could see Sheldon wanting to remake the bed after sex, but putting back on the same clothes that they assumedly also were traveling in earlier? In any case, if not on their arrival, I think they could have found at least one more time to do it before leaving, especially considering Sheldon originally scheduled multiple rounds for them. It’s unclear exactly how long their honeymoon was, but I assume it would be for at least a week, hence the date range. 

12. Randomly Scheduled Session

Date: Unknown but between May 21st, 2018 and early-middle October 2019 Location: Unknown

I know this isn’t terribly exciting, but the final time was likely due to the pseudo-random schedule Sheldon said he was going to create. Assuming he created one at all, it would almost have to be, as there’s only one other instance that could qualify as part of the schedule (the “three weeks ago” one discussed earlier). Clearly the dates are pretty spread out, so whatever algorithm he created must be set to generate dates at a fairly low frequency. But you could also disregard my additional honeymoon suggestion and say the remaining 2 were from the schedule. 

Other opportunities that I think are less likely but still possible:

The Nobel announcement - This could have worked except remember that the announcement came in the very early hours of the morning and then they still went to work. Would they have had time to make love and still get some sleep in? Uncertain.

Wedding anniversary - Because the last two episodes had to skip ahead in time, Sheldon and Amy’s first wedding anniversary is not mentioned, but this does seem like a likely time for them to do it. 

Valentine’s Day - They never had coitus on Valentine’s Day before but there’s no reason they couldn’t start.

Amy’s return from Princeton - Seems like a great way to welcome Amy home and get reacquainted, but I do get the impression that Sheldon was still more or less sticking to the birthday tradition at this point with only the one exception before she left. 

---

So, now that we’ve covered all that, where do we go from here?

The Future of Shamy Coitus

Sheldon and Amy started out having sex only once a year, but the number has been increasing. Here’s the information above placed into a handy graph:

I made some executive decisions for the dates we are unsure on. For the Avengers trailer instance, I split the 2 rounds between the 2 possible dates, and for the unknown 12th time, I placed it in 2019. 

Now, this is just for the 12 times Sheldon mentioned as of October 2019. The year wasn’t over, and I personally believe they manage a few more times before it ends. In particular: 

Make up coitus when Sheldon returns to the apartment after the Change Constant

Celebratory coitus after the Nobel Prize ceremony

Amy’s 40th birthday

So here’s a new graph:

Again, this is just speculative. 

I would like to think it continues to increase for a few years, but perhaps that’s wishful thinking on my end. At the very least, I think it’s safe to say they continue the tradition of birthday coitus for Amy, and so it never drops down to zero. 

Keep in mind, we know from Young Sheldon that Sheldon and Amy have children. How this affects their sex life is hard to say. Would the count jump way up when they’re trying to conceive? Would it drop down significantly while the children are young? Would Sheldon continue using his randomly scheduled coitus algorithm once they have a family? Would they need it?

No one knows, but perhaps as new episodes of Young Sheldon continue to air, we can get a better idea. It remains to be seen. But here’s to hoping!

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[mihcor]

I have been going insane over Sunday for almost 6 months. It's been almost 6 months since the 1.6 special livestream. I think. I need help

[moriartyyouwhore]

wait I just realised they LITERALLY did the save the dog trope with Cooper Howard