#bpd is borderline personality disorder. CPTSD is complex post traumatic stress disorder ..

[rambles-of-mental-illness]

Neurodiversity

Neurodivergence refers to variations in neurological functioning that diverge from what is considered typical or "neurotypical." While there is no single, universally agreed-upon list, neurodivergent disorders generally include conditions that affect cognition, behavior, perception, or social functioning.

1. Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD)

Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD)

Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) (controversial as a separate diagnosis)

Asperger’s Syndrome (outdated term, now part of ASD)

2. Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD)

ADHD (Predominantly Inattentive Type)

ADHD (Predominantly Hyperactive-Impulsive Type)

ADHD (Combined Type)

3. Learning Disabilities & Processing Disorders

Dyslexia (difficulty with reading and language processing)

Dyscalculia (difficulty with math and numerical processing)

Dysgraphia (difficulty with writing and fine motor skills)

Auditory Processing Disorder (APD)

Visual Processing Disorder (VPD)

Nonverbal Learning Disability (NVLD)

4. Intellectual Disabilities

Global Developmental Delay

Down Syndrome

Fragile X Syndrome

Williams Syndrome

Prader-Willi Syndrome

5. Communication Disorders

Social (Pragmatic) Communication Disorder

Speech Sound Disorder

Childhood Apraxia of Speech

Selective Mutism

6. Tic Disorders

Tourette Syndrome

Chronic Motor or Vocal Tic Disorder

Provisional Tic Disorder

7. Mental Health Conditions Often Considered Neurodivergent

Schizophrenia Spectrum & Other Psychotic Disorders

Schizophrenia

Schizoaffective Disorder

Schizotypal Personality Disorder

Delusional Disorder

Mood Disorders with Neurological Features

Bipolar Disorder

Major Depressive Disorder (long-term cases cause atrophy in brain regions like the hippocampus)

Dysthymia (Persistent Depressive Disorder)

Anxiety & Related Conditions

Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD)

Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) (sometimes considered)

Panic Disorder (sometimes considered)

Trauma-Related Disorders (sometimes included)

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) (when it significantly alters cognition and sensory processing)

Complex PTSD (CPTSD)

Dissociative Disorders

Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID)

Depersonalization/Derealization Disorder

Personality Disorders (Not all PDs)

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)

Antisocial Personality Disorder (ASPD)

Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)

Schizotypal Personality Disorder (StPD)

8. Sensory Processing Differences

Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD) (not formally recognized in DSM-5 but widely acknowledged in neurodivergent communities)

9. Epilepsy & Neurological Conditions (sometimes considered)

Epilepsy

Migraines with Aura

Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy (CTE)

10. Other Conditions Sometimes Considered Neurodivergent

Hyperlexia (advanced reading ability with comprehension difficulties)

Synesthesia (cross-wiring of sensory experiences)

Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome (EDS) (due to high comorbidity with neurodivergence)

Autoimmune Encephalitis (when it affects cognitive function)

Neurodivergence is a broad and evolving concept, with some conditions more widely accepted as neurodivergent than others. The core idea is that neurodivergent individuals experience the world in ways that differ from neurotypical standards, often due to innate neurological differences.

[chronicsymptomsyndrome]

This image changed my life so I need more people to see it

I knew people with did before coming across this, and still I never in a million billion years would have guessed or imagined I might have it too.

I had figured out I’m autistic which explained a lot, but I was still constantly feeling broken and out of place in autistic spaces. I was still constantly feeling like I was having a way harder time than other late-diagnosed autistics.

Until I found this image and felt so attacked by almost every single symptom listed. I stared at it for hours. I stayed up for two days straight, just researching. I had to look up a lot of the included words and terms. But every time I did it was “oh my god that’s not normal? there’s a word for that??”

As a result I’ve been able to get help and accommodate things I didn’t even know were issues. Now that I understand that I’m plural, autistic accommodations work better. Adhd accommodations work better. Systems and routines in my life are easier to optimize. I’ve started learning who tf I am and for the first time. I started learning how to have values and goals and how to want things. I know that sounds weird but, well, did is in fact pretty weird.

Anyway this image isn’t mine and I’ve had it saved on my laptop for years so I’m not sure where it came from, but its one of the most empowering things thats ever happened to me tbh. thank you to whoever made it.

[pine-arten]

happy disability pride month. they have things wrong with them

feel free to ask questions abt my ocs <3 i would love to talk about them

[spookietrex]

I'm so thankful that my therapist encourages me to write letters to my abusers, even if I'll never send them.

[roryknightwrites]

Aventurine Is BPD Coded- Some Thoughts

Ahhh welcome back everybody to another installment of 'Rory writes a ridiculously long essay nobody asked for to shine light on characters who exhibit symptoms of borderline personality disorder so that we can learn to recognize symptoms portrayed in media that aren't just 'crazy manipulative abusive ex' and start to treat the disorder with a shred of compassion' !!

A good chunk of you follow me because of my essay I wrote on Reo Mikage from Blue Lock, my beautiful borderline princess, and I am PLEASED to announce that my essay is now the first result when you search 'Reo Mikage BPD' on Google, AND he has since been added to the BPD character database !! Saving the world one baddie at a time, no need to thank me B)

Today, I want to write something out that I've been dying to share. I think Aventurine can be read as a BPD coded character, and I think he would be able to cop a diagnosis should he go see a therapist (which we all know he CLEARLY has not done). I've been puttering around posting this because I've been spending so long on a full, all encompassing analysis of this sick blonde man, but I want to take a quick break and kick my feet over BPD Aventurine, so I invite you to come kick your feet with me!

Some context before I start:

1.) Borderline representation is extremely important to me. I've got the BPD / CPTSD combo meal, so I'm having TWICE the fun !! But seriously though, it's not easy being viewed as crazy and 'bad' all the time. Trauma disorders are rough enough as it is just to live with / overcome, but it's worse when there are books, forums, blogs, shows, ect. dedicated to hating you and talking about how evil you are. So, I get really excited when I spy BPD-coded characters (especially if they're likable people and not just ghoulish irredeemable villains or manic pixie dream girl characters). Fans, characters, and even Aventurine himself refer to him as 'crazy' 'insane' 'unstable' which only further rang my BPD bells because he's not crazy; he's just traumatized!

2.) I’m not a psych, so I obviously can’t diagnose real people, and don’t use any of this to diagnose yourself (I don't need the scandal!) I do, however, have a masters degree in English and structured the basis of my education and published my thesis on mental health, cluster B personality disorders specifically, so I read and research a LOT. I’m confident enough in my knowledge to diagnose anime characters (lol).

3.) If you're somebody who has a weird hangup about borderlines, feel free to either not read this, or do read it and soak up some useful information! Regardless, I know Aventurine fans can have some really wild takes (/neg) , so believe what you want at the end of the day! This is just my interpretation of what's festering in that sad brain of his. You can disagree all you want to, but what we're not going to do is spread hateful stereotypes or perpetuate negative stigmas about BPD! That's cornball behavior and I will call you out for it ^-^

CW for discussion of death, suicide, self injury, and identity disturbances

Anyways, if you ask me, Aventurine has a case of Beautiful Princess Disorder, and I'd like to explain why <3 So, buckle up! This will be another long one.

First, let me define BPD: it's a personality disorder characterized by a long-standing pattern of instability in mood, interpersonal relationships, and self-image. Though it's coined as a 'personality disorder', I urge you to look at it as a trauma disorder. People most often develop it when they are repeatedly traumatized during their formative years. It actually overlaps a TON with complex post traumatic stress disorder, which is why a lot of us baddies end up with both! (On that note, you could definitely view Aventurine as CPTSD-coded as well! I'm a stinky kinnie so I'll just say he's both <3) I won't preach too much on why it's so necessary to treat borderline as a traumatic stress disorder (since hopefully I'll be focusing my own personal academic research on that and I could yap for HOURS about it lol).

But when we look at BPD properly, it's evident that the basis of this disorder is that these people didn't have the opportunity to learn and foster proper emotional reactions. Because of the recurring traumatic events, sections of borderline's brains are underdeveloped as a result. They have a smaller amygdala and they have reduced volume in the prefrontal cortex, as well as other differences in brain development. I've heard it described as 'you were forced to learn some behaviors that helped you survive at one point in your life (for example, maybe fervent efforts to avoid abandonment, unstable emotional reactions, self harming tendencies, lying, mirroring, etc.,) but now you need to unlearn them, because they’re no longer helping you.'  They're trauma responses.

Aventurine shows us a perfect example of the kind of shit that would make someone develop BPD: dude grew up in extreme poverty, was constantly told he was special and he was supposed to bring good luck, watched his entire family and race die in front of him when he was literally still just a kid, was kidnapped and sold into slavery, was forced to murder roughly 34 people while everybody watched him like it was a game, probably went through several other fucked up things while he was enslaved, and then killed his slave owner and was promptly sentenced to death for it. That's...a whole lot of ridiculous trauma that would severely impact somebody's ability to mentally grow and develop correctly. The bulk of his childhood/adolescence was spent with no safety, no security, overwhelming guilt, constant fight or flight reactions, learning how to take on other personas to avoid violence or mistreatment – you get the point. He did not have a normal life and it is absolutely probable that he would develop a trauma disorder from the shit he's been through.

So then, what behaviors/signs does somebody need to exhibit to receive a Borderline diagnosis? The 9 diagnostic criteria for BPD are as follows:

1. Fear of abandonment

2. Unstable or changing relationships

3. Unstable self-image; struggles with identity or sense of self

4. Impulsive or self-damaging behaviors

5. Suicidal behavior or self-injury

6. Varied or random mood swings

7. Constant feelings of worthlessness or sadness

8. Problems with anger, including frequent loss of temper or physical fights

9. Stress-related paranoia or loss of contact with reality

As with my last post, I'm going to organize this based on the 5 immediate traits I think Aventurine exhibits most (you only need 5 out of 9 to receive a diagnosis, so let me cut to the chase and stop wasting your time w my yapping).

Fear of Abandonment:

Aventurine has a habit of wanting relationships and then pushing them away once they get too close. He also clearly has trauma associated with losing people prematurely.

First of all, let's look at Aventurine's tendency to view relationships as transactional. With the expectation that a friendship, partnership – whatever –  is mutually beneficial, that generally implies both parties will leave satisfied once the 'transaction' is complete. That’s his parting line in the game, actually! “Satisfied with our transaction, I trust?” 

That being said, he's already prepared for people to leave when they're done getting what they want from him. In one trailer (and the game) he refers to himself as "another cog in the machine known as the strategic investment department" and then says, "Your humble servant aventurine at your disposal [...] I can also play the role of ‘friend’ – if needed; Go ahead, use me as you wish, even stab me in the back if you see fit."

This is a very strange thing to say upon first meeting someone LMAO. He's speaking of himself like he's an object, rather than a person. Before the other party even says anything, he's basically saying 'hey btw if you end up disappointing me in some way, i'm already prepared for it!' Establishing relationships with the assumption that the other person will betray you/abandon you/hurt you in some way? Borderline behavior. God forbid somebody does try to break down one of these walls, we'll see Aventurine's second habit to avoid abandonment: pushing people away.

Something people don't necessarily consider is that ‘efforts to avoid abandonment’ doesn't always mean the person is on their knees begging you to not to leave them. It can manifest as someone being very flighty and purposefully cutting ties randomly/pushing people away from them so that nobody is able to abandon them. If you leave first, they can’t leave you, right? This is a very common behavior for borderlines to avoid the pain that comes with being abandoned.

The most notable moment of this, in my opinion, is when Aventurine tries to gaslight himself into thinking that Ratio really did stab him in the back during their ploy against Sunday. As we know, their fighting, bickering, and Ratio's 'betrayal' were all part of Aventurine's plan. When they leave Sunday's office, Ratio immediately asks if he's okay and if he needs help, and Aventurine is very dismissive/a little rude in his response. Ratio is confused because Aventurine is talking as if he wasn't the one who MADE this plan and TOLD Ratio what to do:

Aventurine is basically saying, "Hey babe this is not in the script we talked about! Let's stay on track, remember? You hate me, you betrayed me, and now you're leaving me!" And Ratio is like "Yeah okay but are you good? Because you don't seem good,” but Aventurine's heels are so far in the dirt at this point that he is NOT budging at all. When he's in the Trauma Maze, Future Aventurine grills him on this moment:

I get why this part confused some people; why would Aventurine think this when the plan was his idea in the first place? Because, he subconsciously doesn't want to get too attached to the idea that Ratio might ACTUALLY care about him or want to help him. He's forcing himself to think "no, that's not what he was doing, he was planning on actually ratting me out all along, he was only asking about my wellbeing to get in my head."

However, I think it's evident that Aventurine wants relationships/attention just as much as everybody else does, he just won't let himself have it. To further this idea, I think the lyrics to White Night (the Penacony trailer theme song) are worth looking at (these specifically):

I don't wanna be alone tonightOh, lead me with your altered signThere's no one else left for me to loseHeadin' to the other side, other side

I don't wanna be alone tonightI'll bring you to my best disguise'Cause you don't need, don't need to know the truthLet me rave forever in your life

The song is obviously about Aventurine when you look at the lyrics, but these lines in particular just further my point that this man does NOT like the fact that he's alone. He wants relationships, he wants closeness, but he rejects it at the same time out of fear that he might lose somebody prematurely again and doesn't want to experience being abandoned or being rejected for his personality (his real one or his fake one), which leads me to...

Unstable Self-Image; Struggles With Identity or Sense of Self:

The shift from Kakavasha to Aventurine screwed this guy up REAL bad. A MASSIVE part of Aventurine's character, in my opinion, is his struggle with his identity/sense of self. I mean, he literally had to kill off who he used to be in order to live how he's living now, and he didn't have much of a choice in the matter. Jade sums it up pretty well when Aventurine is sat before her on trial: 

Aventurine joining the IPC comes with the price of...well, becoming 'Aventurine'. Since I'm clocking him with a BPD diagnosis, the identity disturbance would have probably happened before this moment, and I think it did. I'll bet it started festering after that first massive traumatic event where he watched his family die and tried to rationalize how that was possible with his 'good luck' (since that was really the only consistent idea he had about himself), and it probably only got worse when he became fixated on the fact that whoever tf he is, he's only worth 60 copper coins (did the math – that's about $3). That's gotta cause some massive identity issues. He's coined as this ‘good luck charm’, this ‘blessed child’, a ‘beacon of hope for the Avgins’, and somehow, he ended up in the absolute worst situation possible while simultaneously dooming all of the Avgins (obviously not his fault, but he thinks it's his fault).

When Jade tells him to pick a new identity, ironically he picks one that is everything he probably grew to hate after his childhood/adolescence.

Associating with the wealthy? The rich were the people who paid to brand him and enslave him. The IPC? Promised to help the Avgins but disappeared when the Katicans invaded, then came back and kidnapped him to sell him as a slave. Now he's both wealthy and a part of the IPC, and you have to wonder how he truly feels about it. We'll look into that more later. Regardless, he's not really 'free' now, even if he isn't technically owned by a master anymore. He's chained to the IPC because this is life now; this is his identity. Where else would he even go? What else would he do? (Die, perhaps?) It's not like he can go home, or go live a peaceful life out on the countryside somewhere. He made 'Aventurine' his entire life and his entire personality. On that note, I really like this quote from his third character story:

“The aventurine, that symbol of power and of the future, is about to be officially handed to him — Yet it would have no more allure or value in his eyes as soon he obtains it, even though he had sought it by putting his life on the line.

He returns to his office in a daze. The aventurine stone emits a peculiar glow on his desk, seemingly congratulating and mocking him at the same time."Was luck truly on your side when you wrestled with fate?"”

Did he really luck out with this one? Comparatively, of course, this is better than his life as a slave, but he essentially just traded his rusted chains for golden ones. Becoming Aventurine might wind up bringing him a lot more pain than it was worth. 

Also, the outfit he chose? Covered in gold, fur, and jewels, all materials that somebody who knows nothing about being rich would assume rich people wear in excess. It's evident in his tacky taste (sorry honey I love you so much but the hat is just crazy work you look like a pimp) that he doesn't know anything about how to dress himself. And I bully him for being tacky but it makes sense! He dresses exactly how you'd think an out-of-touch billionaire would dress. Back to his sense of identity: it's very important to establish that Aventurine feels guilty about taking on this persona! That's all 'Aventurine' is: a persona. If he were to die tomorrow, the IPC would dust off that stone and give it to another bozo who would end up being the next 'Aventurine'.

While he didn't initially develop this personality subconsciously and it was a 'choice' to start playing this role (not that he had a plethora of alternative options), the perpetuation is damaging him mentally. He does a good job of keeping up the act, obviously. This theme that his entire personality is just one big act is overarching through the entire Penacony quest, but there's one moment in particular I really liked: when Sparkle is being a jerk and he has this offhand comment about how he's so frivolous, vain, and flashy, and how he'd hate to live anywhere where it rained since his outfit is too expensive to get wet.

Then, we have this interaction in the maze: Future Aventurine brings up the memory of him and his big sister playing dead, floating in bloody water to avoid being killed by the Katicans when they attacked. He mentions that it was his father's shirt, the last one his father left behind before dying, and that it was ruined. Aventurine says it wasn't ruined, and he's always kept it. (I wonder if that's the shirt he wore during his time enslaved?) Future Aventurine grills him and asks ‘why keep it? This new person that you are would never wear something so dirty and old. 'Aventurine' wouldn't want that old rag, it's not worth any money. 'Aventurine' would never splash around in murky water like that; he wouldn't need to.’ Nobody is hunting him, now he's the hunter. Future Aventurine makes the snide comment that he bets Aventurine wouldn't even dare to go outside in the rain, let alone do any of the things Kakavasha had to do, since he's so much more elite now. Aventurine, clearly hurt by the implication, says that even after all this time, he's never changed.

Of course, he hasn't. Deep down, no matter how much he tries to trick himself and everybody around him, he's still the same scared, traumatized boy he always has been. His future self chastises him for having an inferiority complex and mentions that with every gamble he makes, he has his left hand shaking in fear behind his back.

But the constant pull to push Kakavasha down and keep up this act that 'Aventurine' is the real him obviously perpetuated the identity disturbance in him and made it a hundred times worse, to the point where (as Future Aventurine points out) the hole he's dug is basically impossible to climb out of.

Because of this, I interpret Aventurine to constantly be struggling with his identity, not knowing who really exists under all the masks he wears, not knowing if he or anybody around him will ever figure it out. I imagine he feels very empty and unfulfilled, since as I mentioned in the abandonment section, he doesn't want to be alone. But the higher he climbs on the social ladder, the further he can separate himself from other people. This is a classic issue borderlines face. We masquerade as something we think the people around us will like, someone WE might like, but it always ends up leaving us feeling more empty than before.

(This is just an added bonus to chew on, but I got stuck on this line when I played through Penacony:)

Do you think once he became Aventurine and got the money and the resources, he researched toys that normal kids play with? Fancy ones like building blocks, stuff that he would have never been exposed to as a kid? Obviously baby Kakavasha would not know wtf building toys looked like, and I'm sure teenage Kakavasha didn't have the opportunity to browse toy catalogs. But, he recognizes the toy even though he says he's never played with them before. Maybe he considered buying it but decided against it, since it doesn't fit his new persona. Kakavasha doesn't exist anymore, so there's no reason to nurture that part of him. Anyways, just wanted to hurt y'all a bit more. Speaking of hurting ourselves:

Impulsive or Self-Damaging Behaviors + Suicidal Behavior or Self Injury:

I'm combining these two because my points kept blending together, so bear with me lol.

Aventurine is known for being incredibly reckless and putting himself in the path of danger over and over again. When discussing how he tricked Sunday with the Cornerstones, Future Aventurine asks:

I want to exaggerate how crazy it is (i can say that i'm also a bpd baddie) that he smashed his Cornerstone. I don't think a Stoneheart has ever done that before. Their stone is what makes them a Stoneheart. Ratio mentions that without it, Aventurine would be back to being nobody. Remember: that's what makes him Aventurine. You know, the persona that required him to kill off his former identity? Their Cornerstones are more important than the Stonehearts’ lives, as stated multiple times. But that's just it: Aventurine doesn't GAF about his life. He doesn't mind putting his life on the line to pull off his plan because he has that deep-rooted desire to punish himself for everything he thinks was his fault. He gets called out for gambling with his life multiple times during Penacony, and while most of the time it's reduced to him just being crazy (cough, bpd) or just having a severe gambling problem. Extremely hot take, but I think he gambles literally as another way to hurt himself. I mean, look at what he says when you ask about his hobbies:

"There's no denying it, my fascination is with the game of chance... be it the exhilarating rush of triumph or the extensive emptiness that follows, both are worth savoring, time and time again."

Being impulsive and risky, betting his life over and over –  it makes him feel alive. He knows the end result will hurt, that he'll have to face that 'extensive emptiness' and the extreme guilt he feels regarding his continued good luck, but he does it anyway.

Speaking of betting, his bets are always 'all or nothing', seemingly every time. Future Aventurine calls him out on always risking everything with every gamble, asking:

"Do you truly believe the greater the risk, the greater the reward?"

Or...do you just not care what happens to you? He doesn't need to risk a lot; he's never lost. He could bet the lowest amount and still win every time, and make a lot of money depending on what everybody else bet. In fact, that would actually be a better strategy in gambling (poker/black jack specifically), because it would insinuate that he's not very confident with his hand and prompt the other players to bet higher, assuming that they'll beat him.

I imagine he gets a shred of dopamine betting everything he has knowing that he'll probably win, but hey, who knows? Then after winning and multiplying everything he has, I imagine that 'extensive emptiness' that he refers to is the feeling of 'oh good, more money. More status. More success. A reminder that no matter what I do, I'm stuck here in this role forever.'

For some reason, he also thinks that taking risks makes him appear more confident and secure. He makes a show of always keeping up the big bets and he boasts about how successful he is, while clutching his hand behind his back thinking 'oh god, is this it? will I finally lose this time?' He brings this up when he's speaking with himself and he says, 'How could a weak person take such daring risks?"

Oh, the delicious irony.

That raises the question, though: if he wants to die so badly, why hasn't he yet? It's not like he had an easy life. He fought very hard to stay alive, so why does he act so recklessly now?

I think at his core, he's scared. Dying is scary. His family is there in the afterlife; would they be disappointed in the person he’s become? At the same time, being alive is exhausting. The constant emotional pain this guy probably deals with every day? It's gotta be heavy.

His behaviors around suicide remind of a classic passively suicidal person with BPD: maybe they don't necessarily want to die, but they're tired. They don't have an active plan, but If something is going to kill them, they're not going to move out of the way.

So, carrying out his Penacony plan makes sense. Of course he’s not completely sure what will happen when Acheron kills him, but because he doesn’t have anything to live for, he’s fine gambling with his life. He makes a show of finally throwing out every last chip, too, no longer clutching them under the table in fear. He was fine with smashing the Aventurine stone because it's not like he was planning on using it after his final show; the little bit of power it had left in it was more than enough.

That being said, we do have to address this little number:

Aventurine attempted several times in Penacony, he admits it flat out. The writers even went sofar as to bold this line specifically! I think this does also go hand-in-hand with him being passively suicidal, since he's pretty sure he'll live when he attempts in the dream, but he's gonna try it SEVERAL times just to be sure. Mentally healthy people wouldn't try it... once, Aventurine!

As if we needed more evidence that Aventurine constantly puts himself in danger, you know I HAVE to mention...the light cone:

n case you haven't read the description for this light cone, let me share it with you:

"You don't believe me?"He (Aventurine) provocatively looks at the man (Ratio) before him, then draws out a revolver, empties its cylinder, and leaves a single shot in the chamber.

"Seems like I'll need to get you up to speed on how I do things if our cooperation were to remain amicable."He pushes the gun into his opponent's hand, spins the cylinder, and points the barrel to his own chest.

He pulls the trigger repeatedly, and the smile on his face remains the same after three empty clicks."Life is a grand gamble, and I'll always be the final victor."

Now what the HELL is this? Mind you, this is the first time Ratio has met this man!!! Imagine you meet your new mission partner for the first time and he puts a revolver in your hand and fires it thrice, then leaves. WHO does that? (...a baddie, perhaps!)

I don't think it's a secret to anybody who has spent a reasonable amount of time around Aventurine that there's something off about him, and that there's a really deep sadness running through him. There's some instances where other characters mention his passive desire to die – A few quick examples I can think of:

The instance in Story IV with Opal:

"Maybe luck won't be on your side this time, and the bill for all your past good fortune will come due [...] But isn't that what you've been longing for?"

Opal implies Aventurine wants to fail on Penacony, which, as we've discussed, is an accurate assumption. Jade says something similar after Aventurine's stunt: when Topaz says the light in his stone went out, Jade replies by saying "he got what he wanted."

Also, I’d like to point out that Ratio must have been anticipating that Aventurine would do something rash, since he wrote that note (doctor's advice) long before he started grilling him after the meeting with Sunday.

It's also worth noting the nod to T.S Eliot's "The Waste Land" (a very long poem about life and death). You get the achievement Sibyl, What Do You Want? after playing through the past of Kakavasha's life, and once you defeat boss Aventurine, you get the achievement She Replied, I Want to Die. I don't think that one needs an explanation, but boy does it hurt! (There's other, smaller nods to him being suicidal, like the Waiting for Godot achievement – Google the story if you're unfamiliar. Not as relevant, but I must mention it bc it makes my english major brain go brrrrr)

Also, overspending/gambling/being loose with money is a very common vice for borderlines to indulge in and harm themselves with. It's also implied that he drinks a decent amount. I counted 6 bottles of SoulGlad in his hotel room just from the angles I could see, and he's shown to be passed out at the bar when Ratio goes to get him before they go on their little date-I mean, mission. Aventurine says 'he must have drank too much', and whether or not that was true is irrelevant since it was a believable enough claim that Ratio bought it.

Borderlines are (usually) self-destructive in some capacity, and while some very annoying people assume it's for attention, it's so much more common for it to be because our inner emotions are just so out of whack. Sometimes, matching the inner pain with outer pain is a way to cope. They might also do it to try and combat-

Constant Feelings of Worthlessness or Sadness:

Probably the most nagging, prevalent feeling Aventurine deals with is the constant feeling of worthlessness. One thing about this man? He hates himself. Like, really hates himself. Take a look at the missions during his maze in Penacony. This one is one of my favorites:

It doesn't get much more on-the-nose than him calling himself a selfish, useless loser. He gets stuck on that word, in particular. Loser.

Aventurine, at his core, views himself as a massive loser. Is that ironic because of how much he wins? Not really. Money and materials are just part of the Aventurine persona. He's 'rich' in stuff, but he's not rich in what he actually wants. I think it's obvious that if he had the option to quadruple his wealth or see his sister again just one more time, we all know what he'd be picking.

The only thing he wants is connection – connection with his mother, his father, his sister, anybody at this point – but he can't have it. His family has been dead for a long while, and as I discussed before, his fear of abandonment and his luck scare him away from forming any other relationships. 

This luck, this destiny to be blessed, leads him to reflect on his life a lot and wonder what the hell the point is. He treats himself like some sort of walking curse, because he's convinced that his luck is bound to hurt other people. Every time he wins, somebody else loses. The luck that keeps him safe destroys everybody else around him. As Future Aventurine puts it:

His luck is "built on the pain of someone" else. This perpetuates the constant feeling of guilt, which in turn, makes him feel worthless. Why is it him that's spared every time?

Then, right before you start his boss fight, Aventurine says,

"The architect's flawed stone, of no value at all."

Some people speculate he's talking to the MC when he says this, but I can't help but assume that he's referring to himself. Even if it was directed at the MC, so much of what Aventurine says in his bluffs and boasts are just digs at himself. He's sort of an expert at hating himself, and what do people who hate themselves do if not project? Especially when you consider the fact that aventurine is actually a really cheap, undesired stone. It's like $3 a caret and mostly only used to rip people off and pose as jade. I really don't think it's a coincidence that his character is based around a stone that is, essentially, worthless.

The way that Aventurine is also prone to giving people ridiculous amounts of money/gifts can be read as a frantic effort to keep relationships going and prevent people from leaving him (relating to my points on both his feelings of worthless and his fear of abandonment). He has a skewed view on relationships, since the only value that's ever been associated with him is monetary value and that of his 'luck', which in every context is spoken of as an asset to benefit people he cares about. His sister told him that his luck was 'the most precious wealth' of the Avgins and Jade sees him as an investment that can bring her more wealth because of his luck, but he views it as a massive burden that ends up wrecking everybody around him. So how does he prove to other people that someone as worthless as him should be allowed a seat at the table? Deep down, he thinks that he's still worth 60 red copper pieces, and he's desperate to show other people that he's worth more than that now – even though he doesn't believe it at his core. With all the money he wins now, he can throw it at people and say 'look, look how much money I'm worth now, you want me around because I can buy you anything you want, that's a useful quality in a friend!'

(I did use the 'seat at the table line' as a nod to what his slave master said to him when they were discussing his worth: "Don't forget your place, slave. You're not qualified to be at the table." Which is, painfully, what Aventurine says when you open up chests! He scoffs and says that "it's hardly enough for a seat at the table." :’) )

There is also, of course, Aventurine's overarching struggle with finding purpose in his life. We see a lot of his existentialism during his trauma maze, but at the end of his trauma maze, Future Aventurine finally stops ripping Aventurine a new one and is vulnerable for a second, saying he doesn't understand what he's ever done wrong to have suffered as much as he has.

Then, when he's in the Nihility and he's speaking to Acheron, making the decision on whether or not he even wants to keep going, he asks her:

As I said, he has this conversation with himself in the maze as well, but here he's actually being vulnerable and speaking to somebody else about it: what's the point in being alive if we're just born to suffer? If nothing else, this solidifies the emotional struggle that Aventurine is constantly having. I also think it furthers the idea that he has this nagging sort of emptiness inside of him which is another BPD trait: the feeling that you're empty at your core, and you're constantly trying to fill it with things (friends, money, substances, whatever) but nothing ever works. You worry if anything will ever make you feel 'whole' again, and pair with the the identity disturbance? You're left with a constant feeling of despair.

Other Points:

These are a few other random thoughts I have, inspired by in-game moments but I'm taking them for my own evil fiendish BPD narrative. Take them with a grain of salt.

I think the stigma he gets around 'being crazy' is really BPD-coded. Separate from the ridiculous discrimination he gets for being an Avgin where people assume he's a liar and wolf in sheep's clothing (which can this man catch a SINGLE break jfc), he also has this reputation of being crazy, insane, manipulative, cunning, and someone you want to avoid, which is more rooted in his reckless gambling habit and status with the IPC. Living with this reputation of being insane and unstable for...lowkey no reason at all? Very BPD coded. I think Aventurine leans into that stigma to keep people a certain distance away, but it also just ends up making him hate himself even more.

Also, his entire mantra is "all or nothing", which always rang my BPD bells as well. There's not a lot of gray area with him, which is a key trait in borderlines as we often display very black-and-white thought patterns.

In Conclusion:

I think Aventurine is a borderline princess <3

No but actually though, Aventurine is extremely smart, witty, funny, generous, and very kind-hearted, and he also happens to have a lot of BPD symptoms :^) I don't think it does any harm to view him as BPD-coded; in fact, I think it's great to associate positive, fan-favorite characters like this with BPD because it helps to humanize us. Borderlines are not violent, crazy maniacs, they're people who have been severely traumatized and developed some unhealthy habits because of it. They deserve love, respect, understanding, and communication, just as everybody else does.

If you actually made it this far, thank you for reading! I hope I was able to shed some light on Aventurine and his Symptoms. And, as I do in all of my BPD posts, here’s your reminder to kiss the borderline baddies in your life and tell them they’re important to you :^) Living with BPD is exhausting and I know I speak for all of us when I say that. We try so hard every day to stay positive and regulated, and though rewarding, it's exhausting and very hard work. Nothing makes us smile more than some recognition that we're trying our best !!

Till next time xoxo (and shout out to @roxirinart for helping me edit this monstrosity mwahhh mwah)

[spooky-salesman]

Fuck it mental illness La Squadra shallow dive.

The non normal Catagory (need to check the dsm 5 category really.)

Risotto - most likely CPTSD (Complex Post Traumatic Stress Dissociation) . Jsut because he’s stoic doesn’t mean he dosent care about others. He’s literally just emotionally shut down from his childhood.

Illuso- NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) or BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder ) Selfcentered man who brings others down with him but has a crippling attachment to them that he can’t seem to eliminate.

Pesci- GAD ( Generalized Anxiety disorder.) Self explanatory.

Melone- HPD (Histrionic Personality Disorder) extremely sexual and shifts from shallow emotion to emotional. He’d also very exaggerated

Ghiaccio - IED. (Intermittent explosive disorder) Self explanatory. And lowkey Autisim but that’s just a Hc-

—-

Normalcy. (No mental illness. Generally normal)

Formaggio - tbh. Most issue this guy has is yelling to loud at the tv at the bar during a soccer (football) match.

Prosciutto- most issue he’d have is a smoking addiction. He gives me the vibes of tough love but also an enabler

Sorbet + Gelato - look normal enough. Said to be “crazy” or “thrill chasers” but some neurotypical people r like that as well.

[aacbloggingg]

hello and welcome to aacbloggingg, an emoji and AAC blog where i make emotes for peoples AACs and also talk about my AAC. i am a nineteen year old disabled system who uses an AAC when experiencing verbal shutdowns. my offical stance on everything is “i dont care” so dont ask about any discourse related topics.

interactions will come from @pandorablogz

name = pandora, biohazard, dozo, +more (i hoard names)

pronouns = he/it/kyu +other neos (i also hoard pronouns)

terms = masculine or neutral

about me = invisibly disabled 19 year old DID system who is a part time AAC¹ user. uses i/we pronouns interchangeably. BPD²/AVPD³, ASD⁴, pMDD⁵, GAD⁶/SAD⁷, CPTSD⁸/DID⁹ +more.

blogsona

dos ->

feel free to ask about my system

request anything youd like (i still may deny your request but i usually wont)

ask about my OCs (bug, vampz)

donts ->

do not send me gofundme links, i will not post them

do not request personal information from me outside of my system

sign offs ->

⭐️ -> syskid / EP, 12-14 ageslider

🎨 -> ANP / artist, 19

👽 -> autist / symptom holder, 19

1 = augmentative and alternative communication

2 = borderline personality disorder

3 = avoidant personality disorder

4 = autism spectrum disorder

5 = persistent major depressive disorder

6 = generalized anxiety disorder

7 = social anxiety disorder

8 = complex post traumatic stress disorder

9 = dissociative identity disorder

[wraithofmorhogg]

Hi. You mentioned studying psychology. Do you think that book Ciri could be a psychopath/sociopath?

No. Ciri is not a psychopath nor is she a sociopath. Ciri is a survivor of war/abuse/kidnapping/rape. She has CPTSD. That is to say she has complex post-traumatic stress.

Post traumatic stress is something that happened once. Complex means that it has happened over and over again.

Traumatic stress can actually change the brain’s chemistry and structure. It can do all sorts of nasty things to us until we get the help that we need to repair the damage done to the best of our ability. Now I'm not quite willing to go so far as to say BPD, but borderline personality disorder has been associated with childhood trauma and some researchers are actually trying to link CPTSD and BPD. Now BPD does not always mean trauma, but in Ciri's case I believe the two can be linked. So, here we have some symptoms which would fit Ciri.

An intense fear of abandonment, even going to extreme measures to avoid real or imagined separation or rejection. Feeling uncomfortable being alone. Experiencing intense fear or anger when feeling abandoned or neglected Ongoing feelings of emptiness. A pattern of unstable intense relationships, such as idealizing someone one moment and then suddenly believing the person doesn't care enough or is cruel Rapid changes in self-identity and self-image that include shifting goals and values, and seeing yourself as bad or as if you don't exist at all Impulsive and risky behavior, such as gambling, reckless driving, unsafe sex, spending sprees, binge eating or drug abuse Wide mood swings lasting from a few hours to a few days, which can include intense happiness, irritability, shame or anxiety Inappropriate, intense anger, such as frequently losing your temper, being sarcastic or bitter, or having physical fights

[prying-pandora666]

Azula Diagnosis Analysis Masterpost

For ease of finding the complete set, Here are links to each part. Feel free to join in on the discussion! I may add more if people ask about other potential diagnoses.

As always, be aware that these are real conditions that real people suffer from. Many of them are highly stigmatized and misunderstood. Remember that people are all individuals and their symptoms may express differently from one person to another. Azula is a fictional character and as such cannot ever be truly, accurately diagnosed with all the complexity of a real living human being.

Nonetheless, let’s do our best.

Part 1: Schizophrenia

Part 2: Narcissism/NPD

Part 3: Sociopathy/ASPD

Part 4: Golden Child Syndrome

Part 5: Machiavellianism

Part 6: Borderline Personality Disorder/BPD

Part 7: Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder/CPTSD

Part 8: Identification with The Aggressor

[plot-buni]

my hazbin mental health headcanons

Charlie: autism and hyperactive-type ADHD Vaggie: PTSD Angel Dust: cPTSD, depression, addiction, NPD, panic attacks Husk: depression, addiction Nifty: hyperactive-type ADHD, autism, perma-regressed due to trauma (maybe ID i need to do research into those) Alastor: NPD, BPD, PPD, persecutory delusions, general anxiety, panic attacks Lucifer: depression, anxiety, panic attacks, mixed ADHD, depersonalization and derealization, autism, NPD traits but not actual NPD, addiction, cPTSD Adam: depression, addiction, cPTSD, depersonalization and occasional derealization, NPD, BPD, PPD, HPD, some subtle DPD traits that he will do his best to hide, panic attacks

abbreviation guide ADHD - attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder cPTSD - (complex) post-traumatic stress disorder NPD - narcissistic personality disorder BPD - borderline personality disorder PPD - paranoid personality disorder HPD - histrionic personality disorder DPD - dependent personality disorder ID - intellectual disability

[xxx-angie]

my hazbin mental health headcanons

Charlie: autism and hyperactive-type ADHD Vaggie: PTSD Angel Dust: cPTSD, depression, addiction, NPD, panic attacks Husk: depression, addiction Nifty: hyperactive-type ADHD, autism, brain damage that impacts her intellectual functioning Alastor: NPD, BPD, PPD, persecutory delusions, general anxiety, panic attacks Lucifer: depression, anxiety, panic attacks mixed ADHD but primary inattentive-type, depersonalization and derealization, autism, NPD traits but not actual NPD, addiction, cPTSD Adam: depression, addiction, cPTSD, depersonalization and occasional derealization, NPD, BPD, PPD, HPD, some subtle DPD traits that he will do his best to hide, panic attacks

abbreviation guide ADHD - attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder cPTSD - (complex) post-traumatic stress disorder NPD - narcissistic personality disorder BPD - borderline personality disorder PPD - paranoid personality disorder HPD - histrionic personality disorder DPD - dependent personality disorder

[kaddyssammlung]

About those comments saying that Vessel is autistic

I keep coming across the same things and idk it kind of bothers me. Those discussions weather Vessel is on the spectrum or not. I will not discuss this in any form. I do have a moral line that I don't cross. But I will contribute to this in a different way.

You know me, right? Probably not so let me start by saying this: I have Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) and also have Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (CPTSD or Childhood Trauma).

I've been aware of my BPD since I was about 16. That was 20 years ago. That's quite a long time. I was not aware of CPTSD until July of 2020. Even then I did not really “go” into this direction and kept looking away from my traumatic experiences.

How could this happen?

Yeah well. Sh*t happens.

Let's take a closer look.

This chart shows where BPD, CPTSD and ASD overlap but also the differences.

Let's take dissociation as an example. This is something that I struggle with a lot. Today for example I am dissociated to the point where I have physical reactions. It's not always the same. But right now I can't feel my hands and my arms and also I just feel empty. I'm using this state of being right now to write to you because it's not easy for me to talk about this topic.

I was aware of dissociation being a symptom of BPD but never thought about it also being a symptom of CPTSD. I never really looked behind that symptom. I was familiar with it being part of me and that was it. I never looked into the direction of there being potential trauma. Until that traumatized child destroyed the beliefs that I had about my life so far. My world broke apart when I realized what was done to me. And also I was already 32 when I had that realization. It can take many years to even being able to acknowledge something like that.

You see why it is kind of hard to be diagnosed or why it is hard to even see this for yourself.

There are humans out there who claim certain things about Vessel.

Like I said this is where I draw my personal line. I would never say that he has this and that. It feels unethical since I don't know him. It is up to him to address this if there is something that needs to be addressed.

Do I personally feel like he could be in there somewhere? Yeah, sure. Based on what he writes you can place him in this chart somewhere. (I said could and not that he is).

Idk that's what I wanted to say for quite some time now. Thank you.

If you are interessted in learning more:

Here is the video where I stole that chart from. I value her opinion because she also realized quite late in her life that she has childhood trauma. She is a therapist btw.

[iron-hearts-ablaze]

Karlach and cPTSD

The second of a two-part psychological deep-dive into Karlach.

Part 1: survivor's guilt

Part 2: c-PTSD

I will preface all this by stating I am not an expert in the field of Psychology, but I do however have a BSc Joint Honours in Psychology and Counselling, as well as a higher education certificate in Embedded Helping Skills (forms of therapy). I studied these conditions, as well has having first-hand accounts. I have access to, and use, papers accredited by the British Psychological Society as well my own copy of the DSM-5.

All of what I'm about to discuss is my own personal insight, it is not aimed to insult or diagnose anyone real in any way.

To start, what is complex post-traumatic stress disorder (cPTSD), and what is the difference between that, and PTSD? Both conditions share a lot of the same symptoms, but cPTSD sufferers have additional symptoms. However the main difference is length of time. PTSD can occur from a single event that causes enough fear and stress over a short length of time. cPTSD develops over multiple and repeated acts of trauma that expand over a longer length of time. It can also stem from a one-time event that lasted a longer time.

Note; cPTSD is a 'new' condition and isn't always acknowledged just yet. By new, I mean it hasn't been placed in such works as the DSM-5. However the DSM-5 does acknowledge a subsection of PTSD called 'dissociative PTSD' that encumbers a lot of cPTSD elements. So this may change in the future.

Secondary note; some experts suggest that cPTSD and BPD (borderline personality disorder) are similar enough to be under the same umbrella. However, BPD can occur without trauma whereas cPTSD is the result ONLY from experiencing trauma of some form. Hence, I do not deem it the same or similar condition and will not include any further assessments of Karlach having BPD. She doesn't fit the criteria.

This is why I deem Karlach to be closer to cPTSD, as her ten years in Avernus was not a short lived experience, nor was it without constant access to trauma.

So what are the symptoms of cPTSD, and how does Karlach relate/show them? First, a list, then I will go into detail. To state; one does not have to apply to every symptom, just enough to be deemed affected. So Karlach may not relate to all of these, but certainly most of them.

Hyper awareness of danger

Avoiding triggers

Flashbacks

Trouble staying in relationships

Difficulty regulating emotions - specifically anger

Frequent negative thoughts/emotions

Feelings of guilt/shame/survivors guilt

Hyper-awareness of danger

It's not really a stretch to say Karlach has this. As a soldier, especially in Avernus, she needed to always be aware of where the enemies were coming from. She always seems to be bracing herself for a fight as well. ie, when about to see the Inquisitor in the Creche.

Gale: "Perhaps he'll answer our questions."

Karlach: "We'll be lucky if he doesn't start off with a cheap shot, I think." - she is already preparing herself for someone to attack them. Her passive perception is also higher than average in DnD.

In her Origin, some camp sleep scenes show her withering around on her bedroll because her engine is getting hotter, mentally trying to keep herself going. Regularly repeating "I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine" as she starts thinking about Dammon being unable to fix her engine. Not wanting to think about what could happen if he can't.

Avoiding triggers

This one is more of her sticking her head in the sand about her condition. In all fairness, she doesn't really avoid triggers in the city ie Gortash - she doesn't have much choice. But she definitely gets more angry. Whenever her death is brought up by the player, she talks about it for a brief time before she tries to hide from it by moving the conversation away.

Karlach: "But I don't want to talk about this now."

It isn't until Act 3 does she start accepting her fate properly after her breakdown when Gortash is killed. (She made her choice in Act 2, but she often brings up wanting to keep on fighting for as long as possible - and killing Gortash is her main goal. Once that goal is gone her breakdown occurs. Most likely because she now has nothing else but to confront the fate she was given, making her angry.)

Player: "I haven't given up Karlach, we may still be able to fix your engine"

Karlach: "Maybe, but I think the Gods are trying to show me my fate. And I think I'm ready to look at it."

Flashbacks

This one isn't in the game. So I have no actual evidence of this. But I feel it's not a far stretch to think someone who has been in the Blood Wars for 10 years would have flashbacks on occasion. Especially as she gets closer to the city. She is also in more pain as the game goes on, this could mentally trigger flashbacks as a form of muscle memory. Her body remembers the pain, therefore would recall where this pain came from; Avernus. This is pure speculation, and just something I imagine for the character.

Trouble staying in relationships

As stated before, one doesn't have to fit all criteria to have a condition. I don't believe Karlach fits this symtom. She doesn't seem to have any issues maintaining friendships and a romantic relationship.

Difficulty regulating emotions

It really doesn't need saying that Karlach is an angry person in certain situations. She is very easily angered as well. Especially if it has anything to do with Gortash, Zariel (her tormentors who would consistently bring up her feelings relating to trauma) or if it involves people she cares for being hurt. She is quick to threaten those she doesn't agree with. During Act 1, fighting the Paladins of Tyr Zariel sends after her, Karlach has such an explosive episode she loses all control of her emotions entirely. Going on such a rage that she becomes incontrollable - by even the player in her Origin run - and there is little choice but to let her destroy the building. Only after 10 turns (that's 10 minutes in real time) does she start to calm down. During her breakdown after Gortash she goes from incredibly angry to incredibly upset without pause. She also shows signs of needing to be told to calm down, step back, back off by companions. Even in the romantic sense, as she can be told she's coming on too strong and the player wants to slow things down.

Player: "Let's take things slowly"

Karlach: "Slow...to tell you the truth, I often feel like I have two modes. Off and on-on-on! You might have to show me how 'slow' works."

She doesn't know how to be slow, has to be guided into taking calming breaths in her Act 1 romance scene. She needs help to regulate.

I personally believe Karlach was more of a Fighter before Avernus (before and whilst working for Gortash).

"I was a wild child, brawling through the city"

She never mentions killing anyone before the Wars. I believe the anger she felt after Gortash's treatment and the experimentation from Zariel caused her severe anger to best her, forming more of the Barbarian we know by the game.

Frequent negative thoughts/emotions

As stated before, Karlach Origin reveals internal thoughts she doesn't mention as a companion. Doubting her chances of survival is certainly a negative thought. Her breakdown reveals them in part in Act 3.

Karlach: "that's why I survived ten years of torment, the fighting, the clawing, the loneliness - the fucking loneliness! - all of it! So I can ROT!"

A natural negative emotion after everything she has been through and the hand she has been dealt. She does her very best to keep hiding away from these feelings and living as brightly as she can, so these thoughts/emotions aren't as prevalent as other cases, but it could certainly be said she has a strong façade even rivalling Astarion's to hide her true suffering.

How can she help herself? Well...it certainly won't be whilst she's still in Avernus. Pure speculation; but if she and whoever went with her survive the second round of Avernus, she will struggle. There will come a time where her mind has realised that she can finally STOP. She hasn't paused once in over a decade. Working for Gortash, 10 years in the Blood Wars, as soon as she's in Faerûn again - she has months worth of fighting, back to Avernus for who knows how long. It's highly likely she will hit the wall when it all becomes apparent just how much she's gone through. There are certainly things that can help her through this process; knowing the triggers (she should be fine here, she's pretty self-aware), confiding in someone, giving herself TIME (which is why I believe it'll hit her hard, she hasn't had this time yet).

Feelings of guilt/shame/survivors guilt

I spoke more about this one in particular HERE

I would have added more evidence, but this has been long enough already. I apologise for the length, it's just something I'm fascinated by. Hope, if you've gotten to this point, you've somewhat enjoyed my deep dive.

In conclusion;

It isn't really a stretch to say that Karlach could certainly be suffering with c-PTSD. An ex-soldier who went through many traumatic events would surely be a candidate. I have seen online people think she 'got over it' because she's 'happy'. Yes, she's away from her primary triggers (Avernus), and she attempts to cope as best as she can with her silver-lining mentality and clinging to hope for as long as possible. It is how she has survived as long as she has. But she is unwell. One can be struggling with a condition and still lead a good life.

[goldammerchen]

talking about identity i often have these in mind for two (my actual otp) to three characters (is one thing or another? for stories it doesn't have to be clear cut, they aren't thinking about this)