#bpd is borderline personality disorder. CPTSD is complex post traumatic stress disorder ..

[spookietrex]

[chronicsymptomsyndrome]

This image changed my life so I need more people to see it

I knew people with did before coming across this, and still I never in a million billion years would have guessed or imagined I might have it too.

I had figured out I’m autistic which explained a lot, but I was still constantly feeling broken and out of place in autistic spaces. I was still constantly feeling like I was having a way harder time than other late-diagnosed autistics.

Until I found this image and felt so attacked by almost every single symptom listed. I stared at it for hours. I stayed up for two days straight, just researching. I had to look up a lot of the included words and terms. But every time I did it was “oh my god that’s not normal? there’s a word for that??”

As a result I’ve been able to get help and accommodate things I didn’t even know were issues. Now that I understand that I’m plural, autistic accommodations work better. Adhd accommodations work better. Systems and routines in my life are easier to optimize. I’ve started learning who tf I am and for the first time. I started learning how to have values and goals and how to want things. I know that sounds weird but, well, did is in fact pretty weird.

Anyway this image isn’t mine and I’ve had it saved on my laptop for years so I’m not sure where it came from, but its one of the most empowering things thats ever happened to me tbh. thank you to whoever made it.

[anonsystem]

listen guys. supporting your partner when they're going through something hard and being emotionally vulnerable with you is not necessarily emotional labor. emotional labor entails an inherent imbalance and lack of cooperation. its one thing if your partner is consistently relying on you to do this for them and shuts you out when you try to rely on them, but a lot of people in supposedly healthy relationships are claiming that they don't have to be there for their partners because that's emotional labor and I need them to know that they're the ones who are being toxic

[lip-gallaghers-cigarette]

I am about to infodump about why steven universe has BPD (and cptsd but thats canon)

later in the series and in SU future is when all the trauma has already happened and hes finally safe is when it manifests itself heavier. hes very people pleasing, putting other peoples needs ahead of himself, even if the other person is in the wrong, his emotions spiral so out of control that he becomes corrupted or goes "pink mode", he has identity issues (bc of constantly being told hes his mother) to the point where he cant tell if he is her, if he is himself, if hes a he, if hes a she, if hes a gem or if hes a human, good or evil, etc.

has bursts of intense anger and feelings of guilt, would go to any length to keep people in his life (connie for example) and when she rejected his proposal his symptoms spiraled out of control, which is typically what happens w bpd, its triggered, his symptoms started presenting when he hit 16 / SU future. as for the ptsd though thats actually canon, there is an episode where he visits the doctor and she doesnt directly call it ptsd but shes asking him about his trauma and how far back it stems from (and he begins recalling traumatic events starting all the way from the beginning of the series to the middle of the series before connies mom interrupts him and tells him that he p much has c-ptsd) and steven starts having intense flashbacks and then falls into an episode when he is reminded of connie rejecting his proposal, his body starts physically reacting to it as if its happening again. (which by the way the proposal was very impulsive and spontaneous and mainly based in fear of abandonment, and solidified when garnet agreed. very bpd like.)

he views small issues as life threatening, which is seen in ptsd and bpd. hes been in a constant state of trauma since childhood, never knew his mom and constantly i n peril fighting monsters he doesnt even know the origin of protecting himself from a battle his mother forced him into, bpd and ptsd are inherently traumagenic. he changes himself and overextends himself to fit other people's perception of what he should be or to fit his own idea of perfection, hes terrified of being alone and will go to any lengths to keep his loved ones around him.

when people offer him support he pushes it away because he doesnt want to burden his loved ones with his problems or intense emotions or trauma. in fact, he bottles it up SO much that he falls into an episode where he starts fixing other peoples problems to distract himself from his own, as if fixing other people will in turn fix himself, which only makes it worse and worse until he explodes. he talks about how hes worthless, how hes a bad person, how he doesnt deserve his loved ones, and then becomes corrupted when the trauma become too much for him gem to handle anymore. (Him splitting on himself after bottling his feelings up for so long)

this was only soothed when his loved ones reminded him how much he was loved and cared for. he lacked a voice his whole life and once jasper taught him to fight and defend himself and he became all big and strong his personality changed completely and he ended up becoming aggressive in the same way jasper was and literally purposely and v violently shattered her because of it (which is obviously very out of character for steven who has healing powers)

he also takes control of and attempts to shatter white diamond when he has trauma flashbacks to her almost killing him despite working through those issues previous

he has a "the grass is greener on the other side" mindset

He has bouts of uncontrollable rage because he has no form of grasp of his emotions due to alienating them.

He creates narratives sticks to them then he is unable to change these thought processes.

after shattering jasper he has an intense panic attack, thinking he is a violent killer or bad person, his guilt spirals and he makes a very desperate and emotional attempt at bringing her back.

he also takes control of and attempts to shatter white diamond when he has trauma flashbacks to her almost killing him despite working through those issues previous.

he has a "the grass is greener on the other side" mindset

He has bouts of uncontrollable rage because he has no form of grasp of his emotions due to alienating them.

He creates narratives sticks to them then he is unable to change these thought processes.

He creates a happily ever after in his mind and then when the outcome isn't perfect or what he imagined he freaks out.

he has frequent flashbacks to issues from his past and tends to block the thoughts out when they show up or dissociate himself from them, or, alternatively, he hyper-fixates on them so much that it takes over every aspect of his waking life. he also thinks in black and white a lot, with things being either all good or all bad, and becomes paranoid about other peoples intentions or the way they perceive him. he also is CONSTANTLY on edge expecting bad things to happen and prepares himself for danger that might not even come.

Also throwback to the time where he crashed the car and split on his dad when he realized his dad got the childhood he always wanted and that he was neglected, he quickly went from idealizing his dad to feeling spiteful toward him and putting their own lives in danger.

also the time when he realized all of his friends were moving on without him and subconsciously trapped them in a giant bubble that he had no control over

oh and the NIGHTMARES!!!

- sincerely, a Steven kinnie with BPD and C-PTSD. (Cross-Posted)

[pine-arten]

happy disability pride month. they have things wrong with them

feel free to ask questions abt my ocs <3 i would love to talk about them

[safe-haven-safe-place]

@jadementalhealthcoach

[evaporate19979798]

05.14.2024 11:15

[h4untedg0d]

*in the voice of old Gregg* ive got The Funk

[spookietrex]

I'm so thankful that my therapist encourages me to write letters to my abusers, even if I'll never send them.

[chronicsymptomsyndrome]

growing up undiagnosed is complex trauma growing up undiagnosed is complex trauma growing up undiagnosed is complex trauma growing up undiagnosed is complex trauma growing up undiagnosed is complex trauma growing up undiagnosed is complex trauma growing up undiagnosed is complex trauma growing up undiagnosed is complex trauma growing up undiagnosed is complex trauma growing up undiagnosed is complex trauma growing up undiagnosed is complex trauma growing up undiagnosed is complex trauma growing up undiagnosed is complex trauma

[typically-divergent]

i’m so tired of living life on a surface level. i want to be loved beyond that. i want someone to see me and want to know the ins and outs of who i am; how and why i feel and think the things i do. show me i’m actually worth being cared about on a deeper level.

[thereforeispam]

I'd like to hear ADHD + OCD people's thoughts on this because I often think constantly about the acronyms of a neurodivergent diagnosis in relation to Autism. ASD refers to Autism Spectrum Disorder and is less pronounced as compared to solely 'Autism' or even 'Asbergers', both with a dauntingly capital 'A'. While these groups both share their struggles, there's something more casual in the language of an acronymed diagnosis, and perhaps a bit more culturally articulated. ADHD is abbreviated for Attention Deficet Hyperactive Disorder. Okay, clear cut. Understood. We know what attention means. What deficet means. What hyperactive and disorder means. As a neurotypical or allistic person, you at least have a base-line understanding of an ADHD person's disorder. It's a similar case with OCD - Obssesive Compulsive Disorder.

But Autism? What the hell does that mean? How else can you use Autism in a sentence other than to discuss or degrade the disorder? People with ADHD or OCD say they "have" ADHD or OCD, but Autism is something you "are". I am Autistic. On a linguistic level, this is another reason why Autism is so misunderstood because, unlike other disorders, we don't understand it by its symptoms or idiocyncrasises, so it becomes this terrifying, unpredictable monster in neurotypical minds.

What is Autism? What can it be?

[scenessystem]

Ppl who say because CPTSD is actually similar to BPD therefore everyone with CPTSD are actually borderline and then proceed to call ppl with BPD inherently abusive....instead of realizing you're calling a huge amount of childhood trauma survivors inherently abusive. And that maybe these diagnostic criteria are fucked and ppl need compassion.

(they are also said that real trauma/CPTSD only come from war)

[evaporate19979798]

05.14.2024 11:52

[spookietrex]

[typically-divergent]

feeling extremely unfulfilled and discontent. i cannot fathom a reality in which i feel any different.