#bpd ellie

[actual-changeling]

bpd ellie lives rent free in my mind so i have to inflict this pain on everyone else, too

ptsd makes everything like ten times worse and because i haven't tortured myself enough: ellie becoming suicidal.

her mental health tanks, it's winter, she's fucked.

and it's not like she actually wants to do it, really, but she keeps thinking about it, and every single time she wakes up from a nightmare it tempts her a little bit more. every panic attack, every snow storm that leaves her shivering and exhausted (not from the cold), all the moments where she tastes metal and blood, sees joel bleeding out in the snow, feels hands on her wrists, all of it accumulates into one giant ball of pain.

so no, she has no plan, not really, but she checks the drawer where joel keeps his gun just because. thinks about henry more than she should. mentally traces joel's scar whenever she looks at him. she thinks she gets it now, maybe, why joel tried. her shoulders are tearing apart with the weight she is carrying and there is nothing joel can say that will take away the memories.

the funny part is, joel sees himself, too, sees the same look in her eyes he knows he had in his, recognized it in henry right before. and it scares him to death. he unloads the gun and gives the bullets to tommy, makes him swear not to let ellie anywhere near them. he asks maria, asks the doctors at the clinic, asks whoever he thinks might know an answer.

there is not much he can do, in the end. he holds her through the night, keeps her warm and safe, doesn't let her out of his sight, and ellie might not care much about her life, but she cares about joel's, so she grits her teeth and forces her way through the darkest months of the year.

and like every year, winter passes and her pain melts away with the snow when it starts to thaw.

there's a version of this story that ends with two new graves in jackson's cemetery once the ground is soft enough to dig again

[ur-fav-bpd]

Ellie Williams from The Last of Us 2 has BPD!

(requested by @salty-squid223 ^_^)

[venusjailer]

American Psycho brainrot text posts (pt. 3) ♡

[insxghtt]

omg babe please write hcs of bella x reader with borderline because they really would be so comforting 😭

bella ramsey x bpd!reader

They would be so patient when it came to your dissociation episodes. Sometimes, in the middle of conversations you would just disconnect from the moment, and they would always pay attention to that and, if necessary, they would repeat everything they just said all over again, slowly, to bring you back to reality. 

Would always stand up for you when someone called you “crazy” or tried to be disrespectful towards you. Always reminding you that you are not the borderline, you’re just you and there’s nothing you should be ashamed of. 

Forgot to take your medicine? NO, you did not, because they’ve already set an alarm on your phone to remind you. 

Need a drive to one of your appointments with the doctor? He’s there. Damn, they'll even wait for you on the waiting room just because they knew how sensible you’d get after talking about your problems. 

She knew how hard it was for you to deal with anything that’s too intense. After a sad movie, she would be right there drying your tears. After a scary movie, she would hug you so tight until you finally felt safe. 

When you watched The Joker the first time with her, the trigger was so strong that you dissociated for an entire day. So, she made sure to always hold your hand while crossing the streets on the way back to your place and she stayed with you. After you were feeling better, you’d talk for hours and hours about mental health. 

When you went to parties with them, they would just look at you and immediately understand if you wanted to go home. No words, just one single look and they’re already making up an excuse to go to your place and cuddle. 

Would send you messages through the day reminding you that they loved you very much. 

Would always read about BPD to understand your side but would never be an asshole about it or use that to make you feel like you’re less than anyone just because you have a personality disorder. 

When you talked about your BPD in public for the first time, they would be so supportive. If anyone tried to send you any kind of hate, she would be right there to fight them and, of course, to hug you after. 

Most importantly, they would treat you like a normal person, because that’s what you are. They would never treat you differently because of this and would always believe in your potential because they just know that you’re strong and that you are capable of everything you want. 

[xxx-ang3l-w1th-a-sh0tgun-xxx]

"this user was a CAMHS kid" userbox made by me!!

feel free to use but keep my username visible ty!!! :3

[vamp-kiddo]

I never liked Jake that much he is a cool character but he was never one of my favorites I am very neutral about him but I swear to God,I will protect that twink with my whole soul.

What Ellie does to him is horrible.Triggering his possible (keyword possible) bpd traist so she wins????Thats to much and if Jake in fact has bpd very albelist.That is horrible even if he in fact has bpd which I am very sure he has even if he dosent,is a very dirty move seeing Jakes serios trauma and very sure attachmenat issues,Ellie fans feel free to be pissed idfc Ellie is a bad persone HORRRIBLE in fact.

[xfindingtrouble]

part of percy's autism involves him not regulating/catching his body's signals when it needs something. he doesn't recognize he's hungry until he gets lightheaded, he doesn't realize he's thirsty until his throat is parched, he doesn't realize he's hot until he's overheating. so on & so forth. i feel like this also translates to his feelings as well??? if he's angry he gets Totally Pissed Off, if he's happy he's foaming at the mouth with joy, regulating his mind / body is not a forte of his

[tlou-bombshell]

✨ This is gonna suck so bad, but here goes nothing. ✨

▫️ Official Ellie's Girlfriend 100% real no shit

▫️ Also Ellie Williams coded in a very lame way

▫️ 25 (minors please DNI, don't be stupid)

▫️ Triple fucking Leo

▫️ Femme, she/her

▫️ Bisexual

▫️ Mentally unstable but super chill

▫️ Flirty, but not in a romantic way

▫️ Maybe next Abby Williams cosplayer?

▫️ Made cigarettes my whole personality

Mutuals? 💗 Promise you won't regret the fucking opportunity of your goddamn life.

[twinkdrama]

heartache still tastes like you

[jarmeat]

To you.

Hey.

I hope this message finds you well.

And I hope you find it at all.

Before I begin, I'd like to say that this could be potentially triggering to read. But I had to write this out to let you know what's going on.

It's actually probably more for me, to be honest. To write out my feelings and be able to organize some of my thoughts for me to better navigate them.

I've made the judgment call that it's probably best that we don't talk for a while. I don't even know if I should apologize or not, because I'm unable to tell if you even want to associate with me anymore.

I've found myself torn the last few days trying to figure out what I wanted. I would feel sad, angry, and depressed when you wouldn't talk to me or give me a reply that I was satisfied with. But when you did reply with something I was okay with, or when I did spend time with you, it just felt..numb. We've both been using that word pretty frequently lately, haven't we.

Considering the possibility of you actually liking someone else, regardless of whether or not you choose to pursue that, would put me in a state of mind that I am incapable of dealing with at the moment. While I've detached quite a bit the last week or so, I still am sure that I would not be able to handle it.

In any case, I'd like to thank you for a beautiful fleeting moment within my life. It was brief. But more than anything, it felt like happiness. Perhaps too much, as we spoke about. I will apologize for not understanding how your BPD affects you and how to work around it. I didn't realize that chasing the highs would create lower lows, and I'm sorry that I potentially contributed to that for you. I've been doing tons of research about how to interact with people with BPD, and like we've discussed before, I am suspecting myself to have BPD and will be going to therapy hopefully soon to address my concerns.

I became extremely attached to you, and I was ping ponged around. I was told I was liked. I was told that your intentions were to be together forever. I was told that you might like someone else. I was told you weren't ready for a relationship. I was told you don't know your intentions anymore. I was told you really do like me. I was told you wanted my attention. I was told I was wasting my time. I was told sorry.

The day you told me that you think you like someone else, I lost it. I tried to keep my cool, I really did. But that day, there were multiple times I nearly ended it. I drove to the beach, and my mind was SCREAMING at me to just turn the wheel while I was on the highway. I literally had to scream out loud myself in order to shut out the urge.

When I arrived at the beach, I found a fairly high cliff that I took solace in, but those voices spoke to me yet again. It was a high place. I had to lie down in order to prevent myself from giving in. I walked up to the waves and they were beckoning for me to join their recession back into ocean.

You told me you didn't want to stop talking to me completely. But I've initiated everything since. And you've continuously spent more and more time with the guy you said you maybe liked or had a crush on. Except without me this time.

I feel nothing but coldness from you now. As friends, that is okay. But my mind still cannot see us as just friends quite yet.

I really cannot blame you for any of this, considering these are textbook examples of BPD behaviors. But still, as someone who is potentially BPD also, these are things that tore me to shreds. And it's caused me to spiral completely out of my control.

I will tell you everything that's been going on behind the scenes with me, and how badly I've been dealing with this.

I've been staring at my computer screen for hours on end. I am constantly checking your blogs to see if you've posted anything new or anything about me. I'm always checking your twitter. I'm constantly checking your status on discord. My heart drops if I see you online, because I know what's coming (or not, rather.)

And I wait. I wait to see if you will initiate a conversation with me. I wait to see if you will invite me to play. I wait to see what your next move is, but there is no next move.

I have been staying up overnight due to the inability to sleep, and it helped because at some point passed 24 straight hours of being awake, I began to feel numb. Not only that, but it helped because I wouldn't have the insecurity-attacking dreams I'm so very fond of.

I've been avoiding people. I've been irritable. I've been angry. I've been depressed. I've been numb. I've even been content. I've been feeling so many different emotions and I cannot regulate ANY of them. Any single one of them could occur at any given moment, and it's been fucking with me so hard because I haven't dealt with this before. At least not with this intensity.

The day I went to the beach, I needed something. So I picked up smoking again.

The day before my birthday, I began to self harm. Five days later as I'm writing this, there is fresh blood drying on me.

I never thought I'd be pushed to this, but I think allowing myself to be vulnerable again after 6 years only to be brought to what arguably is my lowest point, in such a short amount of time, I'm just looking for any way possible to distract myself from the pain and disappointment I'm experiencing.

I will be blocking you from here onwards on discord, and I will probably no longer be using twitter as it has been terrible for my mental health as well. Again, I would say I'm sorry, but with the way things have been, I don't know if it matters to you or not. That may be selfish of me to say knowing your history with BPD, but at some point, I need to prioritize myself and be selfish once in a while.

I will say I'm sorry for the situation as a whole. I truly felt something genuine for you, and I felt that we could make it work. But I was a fool to think that I was capable of handling the type of emotional burden you hold within you while not even being able to handle my own.

I still hold love for you. I've known you for years. So please take care while I'm gone. I hope that if you need it, you seek help and receive it. I hope that if you pursue a relationship, it goes well for you.

I will still be around if you need me. You have my phone number. But if you contact me, please tell me your intentions.

Thank you. For everything.

[actual-changeling]

probably projecting but idc but imagine ellie having a little crisis once they're in jackson and thinking that eventually joel will leave her cause she becomes too much of a burden/too annoying/too whatever and starts pushing his boundaries.

being more rude, being mean, behaving badly, trying everything to push him away cause she would rather figure it out now and have it be her doing instead of joel suddenly leaving her when she isn't prepared for it.

joel is incredibly confused by wtf ellie is doing cause to him it's all out of nowhere but he just assumes she's struggling and does not budge no matter what, he stays calm, lets her do whatever she wants, gives her what she asks for, even fights tommy and maria when they're like "parent ur child" and he just goes "shut tf up she is going through a thing and you will let her"

and eventually ellie reaches her breaking point and just yells at him before she starts sobbing "why dont you leave me already why are you still here i dont understand" and joel holds her face and goes "i wont ever leave you cause you're mine" (theyre too emotionally repressed to reach the ur my kid/dad stage just yet so he does the same thing he did with tess)

anyway they hug a lot and they talk it out in their own way and are happy nothing bad ever happens to the tlou 2 doesnt exist the end

[vanyatas]

TICCI TOBY HCS

GENERAL HCS:

Midwest emo.

But in a more silly way if you feel me chat

6’0.

Very sweet, He’s still a bit younger than the rest of the creeps so i still feel like he has a bit of joy and whimsy

Gash on his cheek from chewing through it.

Cannibalistic tendencies.

Soft, brown, messy hair, goes down to his neck but keeps it medium length on the top.

Operator mark on his ribs.

Car seat headrest(LMFAOOO), Angels and Airwaves, Weezer, Ptv, Modern Baseball, American Football, Sorority Noise, Origami Angel, Title Fight, Mom Jeans, No Pressure enjoyer.

Chews on his hands and finger tips

Wears leather gloves to avoid this

Def has BPD

Even if he’s sweet, because he has this ^ his mood can be set off immediately.

Piercings. Double eyebrow and a septum, ears as well.

Gets them done to see if he likes them, Will probably take them out a second later if he thinks it doesn’t look right.

BROWN EYESSS PLSS DO YALL FEEL ME!! I see him having very dark brown ones.

Skinnier, But by god does he have muscles regardless!! nothing too toned, but he’s definitely built from well. being a killer and having to chase and do crazy shit.

Stutters yes.

Autistic, PTSD, Tourette’s, Tics, CIPA, and Schizophrenia!! Keeping it 90% og still.

Also attention starved, It gets to him severely that Masky is The Operators favorite.

They’re still friends. Along with Jeff, EJ, BEN and Hoodie.

Hoodie and him don’t talk a lot.

ROMANTIC HCS:

A little awkward.

After all Clockwork was his first girlfriend.

They ended on good terms but I digress.

Even if he’s anxious and awkward, He is trying his best to try to flirt and show he likes you.

It might fail 50% of the time and he just apologizes and fast walks away to scream at himself for fucking it up.

Mid-Dating he might be a little fucking scared to even kiss you.

Will look at u with his autistic eyes until he either just walk away with a hot face or if you take the initiative to kiss him first.

Probably feel melt and blow up if you kiss him without him asking or staring.

Any compliments will make him stim I’d like to think.

Get excited to tell you about anything.

If you reciprocate, a burst of ‘i love you so much’ and more rants about the things he likes.

Once he’s settled in enough he will be at your door every night to sleep with you.

Cuddles omg, the amount of physical affection you will receive once he’s comfortable enough is crazy.

Plays with your hair, scratches at your scalp.

MAKES A MIXTAPE FOR YOU.

He would love to do the trend where you buy nail polish of each others eye color n paint it on your nails, or buy gemstones to make bracelets.

Might carve your initials into the wood of his hatchets when you guys are together for while.

Cups your face before he kisses you.

WILL burrow his face into any part of you.

Show him new music and he will listen to it everyday to memorize it for you.

can i go to ellie and mason. HOUSE 💜

also it might be obvious i have a favorite.. 100% listened to don’t you dare forget the sun writing this.

HUGEEE creds to bae (/plat) @kumcore !!

[venusjailer]

Today I woke up and chose violence :)

“Forgiving who you are / for what you stand to gain / just know that if you hide / it doesn’t go away”

Little Dark Age by MGMT

(Pls tell me this makes sense… there are literally no photos of him & Paul together that aren’t him smoking over Paul’s literal dead body so have one of him giving Paul heart eyes instead)

[liztreez]

Please tag me if you use the prompts I love to read!! You can work off them anyway you want I just have a lot of ideas and why not share them!!

R!spiritiual x Ellie Williams

Bpd!R x E.W

Hotheaded!R x E.W

Vibrator 🤭 (E.W)

Hard to get (E.W)

Rockstar! Ellie Williams

Change of heart (E.W)

OITNB au (E.W)

Streamer! Ellie Williams

Promise ring (E.W)

Spider-Man! Ellie Williams

Gf!ellie headcannons!!

Period sync with Ellie

[senshis-tenshi]

Me: Hi, I've been in therapy since childhood and nothing has helped me. I still struggle with a normal life no matter what I do. My psychologist suspects my BPD has been misdiagnosed and I'm actually autistic and have ADHD, so I'd like to book an assessment, please.

Doctors: Great! That will be 850 Euros.

Me: WHAT.

Hello, I'm Ellie and I hope to raise money for my professional diagnosis through art commissions :3

I would greatly benefit from an official AuDHD diagnosis. I could get proper psychological treatment and medication to help me function. I would finally have an explanation for... well, basically my entire life.

I sadly have no family to support me through this, the two family members I have left don't believe in autism, so I could really use any support at all! I'm tired of hating myself for being "weird", "lazy" and "dumb", and I'm sure my wellbeing would improve drastically with the right treatment.

≡ ꒰ ° Bust ꒱ ˚ · .

Lineart ⤞ 5 EUR Flat Color ⤞ 10 EUR Full Color ⤞ 15 EUR

≡ ꒰ ° Waist ꒱ ˚ · .

Lineart ⤞ 10 EUR Flat Color ⤞ 15 EUR Full Color ⤞ 20 EUR

≡ ꒰ ° Full Body ꒱ ˚ · .

Lineart ⤞ 15 EUR Flat Color ⤞ 20 EUR Full Color ⤞ 25 EUR

≡ ꒰ ° Extras ꒱ ˚ · .

Additional Character ⤞ 15 EUR + Not SFW ⤞ 10 EUR + Banner or Icon ⤞ 5 EUR +

✩ I reserve my right to refuse any commissions I'm not comfortable with. This includes, for example, not SFW of underage characters, art of real people, racist, ableist or transphobic depictions... we can talk about it in DMs or asks :) Most fandoms and OCs are welcome!!

✩ I ask for half the money upfront, half when it's finished! But if I'm unable to finish the commission for some reason (like when the chronic illness is chronic illnessing or my tablet flies out the window), you will be refunded the full price :3

✩ Expected waiting time varies depending on the amount of work! A bust lineart will be finished in a maximum of 3 days, while a full color piece of your favorite ship in detail will take me up to 20 days max.

Here are some examples of my art! Click for better quality :3

Thank you for reading this far! Please consider commissioning me and reblogging this post to spread the word.

Take care <3

[canonically47]

As a way of saying goodbye to DC, what are your headcanons for where everyone ends up after All Stars?--review anon

ooooo such a cute question!!!!!! tysm for this

yul ends up being cancelled on his socials and he has to start working a regular job, he becomes miserable being yelled at and harassed by customers like he deserves yippee!

riya is also cancelled following the events of DCAS - seriously she CANNOT gain a following after this and she cannot find roles, realistically speaking - but she manages to sustain herself with her prize money for now. however, she does begin job hunting. it goes horrible for her, her digital footprint is too massive to ignore.

ashley continues living her quiet life on the farm with will, occasionally meeting up with lill & nick, as well as with jake, ally, lake and other contestants of DCAS! she even eventually reaches out to season 1 contestants left out, and organizes a get-together for the season 1 cast with everyone :)

ally, hunter & tess all eventually get together after a lot of denial and pining, and co-manage their channels. they become more and more popular, regularly attend cons, & overall just lead the awesome lives they deserve. tess also becomes popular for her art!

lake eventually gets into a qpr & goes to university to study psychology. she keeps in contact with aiden, james and friends she's made on DCAS. she goes on to live with rosa-maria after university, and the two will organize, years later down the line, a meet-up for the cast of season 2, even being kind enough as to invite yul and riya, although neither show up.

miriam gets to enjoy retirement by travelling around the world, sometimes even tagging along with friends, even with the group of james, aiden, lake and rosa-maria. why not :3

james & aiden continue travelling the world together, growing their following on social media, and eventually aiden pursues a career in theatre and earns a lot of success! i mean have you HEARD his VA sing. my god, can he sing.

ellie & gabby lead a happy life with ellie as an artist and gabby carries them with her income by becoming an environmental scientist !!

fiore moves in with alec, alec adopts fiore, and the two unlearn their bad habits together; alec, his bad parenting, and fiore, being this evil gremlin child. she still has her outbursts, but alec stops feeding into this idea that she is a monster or a mistake and pushes her to grow. the two also meet up with some other contestants, and eventually befriend rosa-maria, so she helps a lot with parenting tips :)

grett becomes a gym trainer & fitness influencer and uses her social media platform to encourage and lift up others. my queen

jake and tom begin dating and they talk a lottttttt of things out... and eventually tomjajakeden becomes a thing & they all move in together and it's awesome. tom and aiden aren't dating but the rest of them all are and it's kinda funny actually. tom also realizes he's aroflux and that explains a lot about how his identity has impacted his love life. they're unstoppable

also tom quits his job as a cop and becomes a firefighter instead. and gets an autism diagnosis. also jake gets a BPD diagnosis. and aiden gets a shit ton of piercings. and tom gets fatter. and james also gets a shit ton of piercings. and they're all happy together and they have movie nights and game nights and they love each other a lot

the cast generally meets a lot, the casts even merge at one point despite some of them never having been on DCAS. it's so funny how some of these guys meet. deadass alec and fiore go camping one night only to find they've come at the same camping site as kai and maggy. another time gabellie runs into dan at a bookstore. and so forth. they eventually get a super large groupchat and it's hilarious. they all meet sometimes and they have to book a huge venue it's so funny

also gabgrellie becomes real too why not. i love gabgrellie. grett moves in with them and they're all super cool and awesome and in love

maybe i should write some of these hmmm