#bother me at school
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the thing about art is that it was always supposed to be about us, about the human-ness of us, the impossible and beautiful reality that we (for centuries) have stood still, transfixed by music. that we can close our eyes and cry about the same book passage; the events of which aren't real and never happened. theatre in shakespeare's time was as real as it is now; we all laugh at the same cue (pursued by bear), separated hundreds of years apart.
three years ago my housemates were jamming outdoors, just messing around with their instruments, mostly just making noise. our neighbors - shy, cautious, a little sheepish - sat down and started playing. i don't really know how it happened; i was somehow in charge of dancing, barefoot and laughing - but i looked up, and our yard was full of people. kids stacked on the shoulders of parents. old couples holding hands. someone had brought sidewalk chalk; our front walk became a riot of color. someone ran in with a flute and played the most astounding solo i've ever heard in my life, upright and wiggling, skipping as she did so. she only paused because the violin player was kicking his heels up and she was laughing too hard to continue.
two weeks ago my friend and i met in the basement of her apartment complex so she could work out a piece of choreography. we have a language barrier - i'm not as good at ASL as i'd like to be (i'm still learning!) so we communicate mostly through the notes app and this strange secret language of dancers - we have the same movement vocabulary. the two of us cracking jokes at each other, giggling. there were kids in the basement too, who had been playing soccer until we took up the far corner of the room. one by one they made their slow way over like feral cats - they laid down, belly-flat against the floor, just watching. my friend and i were not in tutus - we were in slouchy shirts and leggings and socks. nothing fancy. but when i asked the kids would you like to dance too? they were immediately on their feet and spinning. i love when people dance with abandon, the wild and leggy fervor of childhood. i think it is gorgeous.
their adults showed up eventually, and a few of them said hey, let's not bother the nice ladies. but they weren't bothering us, they were just having fun - so. a few of the adults started dancing awkwardly along, and then most of the adults. someone brought down a better sound system. someone opened a watermelon and started handing out slices. it was 8 PM on a tuesday and nothing about that day was particularly special; we might as well party.
one time i hosted a free "paint along party" and about 20 adults worked quietly while i taught them how to paint nessie. one time i taught community dance classes and so many people showed up we had to move the whole thing outside. we used chairs and coatracks to balance. one time i showed up to a random band playing in a random location, and the whole thing got packed so quickly we had to open every door and window in the place.
i don't think i can tell you how much people want to be making art and engaging with art. they want to, desperately. so many people would be stunning artists, but they are lied to and told from a very young age that art only matters if it is planned, purposeful, beautiful. that if you have an idea, you need to be able to express it perfectly. this is not true. you don't get only 1 chance to communicate. you can spend a lifetime trying to display exactly 1 thing you can never quite language. you can just express the "!!??!!!"-ing-ness of being alive; that is something none of us really have a full grasp on creating. and even when we can't make what we want - god, it feels fucking good to try. and even just enjoying other artists - art inherently rewards the act of participating.
i wasn't raised wealthy. whenever i make a post about art, someone inevitably says something along the lines of well some of us aren't that lucky. i am not lucky; i am dedicated. i have a chronic condition, my hands are constantly in pain. i am not neurotypical, nor was i raised safe. i worked 5-7 jobs while some of these memories happened. i chose art because it mattered to me more than anything on this fucking planet - i would work 80 hours a week just so i could afford to write in 3 of them.
and i am still telling you - if you are called to make art, you are called to the part of you that is human. you do not have to be good at it. you do not have to have enormous amounts of privilege. you can just... give yourself permission. you can just say i'm going to make something now and then - go out and make it. raquel it won't be good though that is okay, i don't make good things every time either. besides. who decides what good even is?
you weren't called to make something because you wanted it to be good, you were called to make something because it is a basic instinct. you were taught to judge its worth and over-value perfection. you are doing something impossible. a god's ability: from nothing springs creation.
a few months ago i found a piece of sidewalk chalk and started drawing. within an hour i had somehow collected a small classroom of young children. their adults often brought their own chalk. i looked up and about fifteen families had joined me from around the block. we drew scrangly unicorns and messed up flowers and one girl asked me to draw charizard. i am not good at drawing. i basically drew an orb with wings. you would have thought i drew her the mona lisa. she dragged her mother over and pointed and said look! look what she drew for me and, in the moment, i admit i flinched (sorry, i don't -). but the mother just grinned at me. he's beautiful. and then she sat down and started drawing.
someone took a picture of it. it was in the local newspaper. the summary underneath said joyful and spontaneous artwork from local artists springs up in public gallery. in the picture, a little girl covered in chalk dust has her head thrown back, delighted. laughing.
#writeblr#warm up#this is longer than i wanted i really considered removing that part about myself and what i went thru#but i think it really fucking bothers me that EVERY time i talk about being an artist#ppl assume i just like. had the skill and ability to drop everything and pay for grad school.#like sir i grew up poor. my house wasn't a safe space. i gave up a FREE RIDE TO LAW SCHOOL. for THIS. bc i chose it.#was it fucking hard? was i choosing the hard thing?? yes.#but we need to stop seeing artists as lazy layabouts that can ''afford'' to just ''sit around and create''#when MANY - if not MOST - of us are NOT like that. we have to work our fucking ASSES off. hard work. long and hard work#part of valuing artists is recognizing the amount we sacrifice to make our art. bc it doesn't just#like HAPPEN to us. also btw it rarely has anything to do with true talent.#speaking as someone with a chronic condition i hate when ppl are like u have it easy. like actively as i'm writing this my hands r#ACTIVELY hurting me. i haven't been posting bc my left hand was curled in a claw for the last week#this isn't fucking luck. after a certain point it's not even TALENT. it's dedication & sacrifice.#''u get to flounce around and do nothing with ur life'' is a narrative that is a direct result of capitalism#imagine if we said that about literally any other profession.#''oh so u give up 10 yrs of ur life to be a doctor? u sacrifice having a social life and u get SUPER in debt?#u need to work countless hours and it will often be thankless? well i wish i was that lucky''#we should be applying that logic to landlords ONLY#''oh ur mom and dad gave u the money to buy a house? and all u did was paint it white and rent it? huh.''
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I truly, TRULY do not know how to say this, because the fact that I have to say it makes me feel like I am losing my grip on reality. But no, in the post-capitalistic anarchist utopia, I will not be relying on āautistic minecraft girliesā to be building inspectors because - and this may shock you - one of those occupations takes years of education in how to read and interpret hundreds of thousands of lines of regulations based on complicated math and physics that were the result of decades of tragedy and death, and the other one involves playing a childrenās video game.
#i am begging this website. BEGGING it. to stop acting like building codes are state oppression#and please stop reducing blue collar jobs to 'so easy any handyman could do it with a youtube video'#that's how people fucking die#i didn't spend five years learning how to do my job safely to watch people online tell me it could've just been a course in high school#i know that this is like. a minority minority opinion and not really worth getting worked up over#but it's so annoying to see supposed leftists denigrating blue collar jobs like this#same poster also opined that we won't need garbagemen#because 'if the trash is bothering people they'll figure out a way to clean it without having to pick it up'#like what??? does that even fucking mean????#construction
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But I still think of you
#dead boy detectives#my art#charles rowland#song inspo: Radical Face ā Ghost Towns#the fact that his parents are still alive and heās constantly checking up on them mess me up a bit#since the school covered up what happened to him they probably didnāt bother to find out either#in the comic he even said his father would probably be relieved heās dead#30 years and he's still making sure they're okay. seeing them happy and moving on without him#it's one of the first thing we learn about him in the show
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schools deleting your school email account with 7 years of documents attached to it after you graduate should be illegal and iām not kidding
#bothering the shit out of me that i cant remember what movie i did my final essay in my senior year film class on#and i cant ever find it again because my high school deleted my account
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When you said that the unluckiest person is most hopeful, it reminded me of Nagito Komaeda. If the universe were combined, do you think he would fair well having Anti Cosmo as his anti fairy?
Funnily enough, I feel like it would be Hajime who would have an anti-fairy companion. I mean, heās surrounded by extremely skilled people! That would attract bad luck in some way for him. Nagito wouldnāt be good food for anti-fairies. Or Fairies. Or Pixies.
...Honestly, Fairies arenāt quite sure what food he produces. Itās like a weird amalgamation of luck, desire, greed, and all sorts of emotions they canāt disentangle. Like a crockpot gone horribly horribly wrong. Eating any bit of that would make any fairy sick.
Eugh. The hell is wrong with that one.
Bitties Series: [Start] > [Previous] > [Next]
#fairly oddparents#fop#fop anti cosmo#anti cosmo#danganronpa#nagito komaeda#hajime hinata#asks#itty bitties fop au#this man has been haunting me for. TWO weeks now.#nagito komaeda get the FUCK out of my inbox#GIT#GIT GIT GIT!!!!!#i guess we doing danganronpa now#i dont think there's any fairy that would put up with whatever the fuck he's got going on.#although the fucking. idea of fairies and danganronpa existing in the same plane is pretty fucking hilarious.#i can just imagine hajime's day getting worse and worse#like. imagine showing up to school. Nope. not school. a fuckgin BEACH. and some fuckgin RABBIT shows up and does weird shit#even worse you go to your room and there's a blue bitch in there.#well. i guess it gets even more and more worse what with the killer bear and the friends killing each other thing#but hey! at least you got yourself a weird blue fucking thing that only you can see!!!#and it keeps taunting you every time you do something cringe. and wont even bother helping you with ANY of your investigations.#and nobody has any fuckign idea what youre saying !!!#well except maybe gundam tanaka.
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dreaming abt sophomore year class swap bard!riz
#fantasy high#fantasy high sophomore year#fhsy#riz gukgak#ft. kalina#fh class quangle#tbh Im not suuuper happy with the bones of these designs yet#but also its just a bit hard to measure up to how strong ''kid who wears suit to school'' is#I kiinda gear the sophomore year design specifically towards like. cameraman-esque aesthetics#kind of dude who's working the light rig And the audio at the same time. dude who's running inbetween two huge tripods#theres also a thing with the freshman year arcade scene that I wanted to draw but just do not have the energy today#maybe in the future! if I can be bothered to draw biz lmao#I wanna draw something for cleric!gorgug first anyway... specifically his death in freshman year#man I'm so glad I tossed bard!riz into investigative journalism that is SO annoying. exactly what I set out to do with my classswaps#can you imagine going to school with that guy. can you imagine going to school with tintin#this also makes kipperlilly vs riz even funnier like influencer vs journalist? it'd be the Worst#man thinking of it I should rework gorgug's design too. currently his sophomore design is really zac core lmao#and zac can pull it off but character design wise its. really nothing. laughs#his junior year design is full aerith at least so that one Im very happy with. what if I tell u cassandra is the deity of#the inbetween spaces in this class swap thingy. and gorgug offers her domain as a stop for folks fresh out of a faith to gather themselves#that being transgender as fuck is kinda coincidental lmao. but well I stand by it I like that#nobody's design has jumped out to me like riz and gorgug yet. adaine I have a prreeetty good idea for#mostly bc shes the hoodie kid this time round lmao. gamer adaine true believers rise up#we take it easy! we take it easy as we go. these comics-lite were real fun to do. I should do that more
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Alternate timeline where Stanley doesnāt accidentally ruin Fordās project but he still doesnāt get into Geek Life University bc some kid showed up with a baking soda volcano
#Happens every time Iām telling ya#gravity falls#stanford pines#stanley pines#a tale of two stans#Yāall I just thought of smth fucked up#Remember that baby pic where ford was reaching towards the yellow triangle?#What if billās always been there#Cuz perpetual motion machines arenāt scientifically possible (think itās bc entropy or smth to do w/ thermodynamics)#Ford couldnāt have made oneāno one can#Either he was scamming them or (if what I said abt bill above is correct) *he* fucked w/ Fordās machine to make it weird#Bc ford getting into a top school means he has more opportunities which means a better chance of getting the portal built#And then when Ford starts being like āscrew your cipherā billās like āoh you think you can just *leave* me; I *made* you sixer!ā#āIām the reason you got into that fancy pants college! You honestly think you couldāve built that machine#We may be a team but Iām the mvpāalways have beenā#Okay I know itās far-fetched but what is the gf fandom if not full of far-fetched theories (aināt even a theory really more like an excuse#for angst and also bc of the fact that Ford invented Physics Breaker 5000 was slwsys a sticking point for me FOR SOME REASON)#Like I truly donāt know why that of all things bothers me#I really did just devolve into fanfic in the tags of a shitpostāoh and ig ford got into west cost in that au/version of events#shitpost
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I donāt. Know if I like it ā¦ BUT ITS OKAX! I post it anyways
#I mean. I really like it I think it was a very good practice#but something is really bothering me and idk what#but school is KICKING MY ASS!!!!!! And so I have no art to post#(itās from a few week ago)#I gave up on the jacket completely only his face has any effort š#leon s kennedy#leon kennedy#resident evil fanart#resident evil infinite darkness#infinite darkness leon#my art#i need to draw someone else fr#resident evil
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tbh i do get a little bothered by the notion that tim took the first shot he had to drop out of school because he hated school and didnt wanna do it and all of that bc i feel like it ignores the probably very important context that he dropped out after his dad (as well as steph-or at least, he was led to believe, in the same week) died, also he was in a school shooting. He did attempt to go to a school in bludhaven but the kids there were so wildly insensitive about the shooting that tim dropped out under the pretense of his "uncle" homeschooling him. In his oyl era, he /did/ go back to school, and it provided him some form of normalcy. Tim was a normal kid, he wasnt crazy about school but he still went to school and it helped him feel like a normal kid, something he desperately clung to. He only dropped out again to do his Brucequest, in an era where he was notably Not Doing Well (which. Yeah. he wasnt doing well bc he was like 17 and almost everyone in his support system was dead, he recently had hits put out on him, got blown up, and backstabbed by his not-dead-ex, he couldnt support his theory that bruce was alive and was extremely stressed about that, and he didnt know wtf he was doing. I love him btw.) Basically tim dropping out of school was a signifier that he wasnt doing well and he was giving up on the normality that he tried to cling to and im a bit of a nitpicky person who gets irked by minor things
#robin 1993#tim drake#red robin 2009#rambles#Tim Drake wanted to cling to the idea of normal#Including going to school#School shooting mention#Tbh if all the shit that happened to tim happened to me id probably also drop out???#Like his sorta friend philmont got murdered at school#His friend darla got shot and he gave her corpse cpr (dw she came back as laura fell)#There was that one kid at brentwood who overdosed in meth i think that tim tried to save and couldnt#dc#Just things that i get bothered by a little bit????#This isnt crit aimed at anyone i literally just had too many thoughts and they had to escape#Tim Drake my beloved
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DAAAAAAAAAMMMMNN!! FEAR LOOKS SOOO PISSED HERE!!!
#This is me when dumb kids at school bother me all the time lol#iām surprised that heās just telling Anxiety off just like that#He aināt taking no shit fr š#fear inside out#inside out 2
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T4T detrans kink not from transphobic trauma but from the longing of feeling desirable when you used to be a girl, when cis guys would want you. when you had long hair and hardly any body hair and straight boys flirted with you.
but you were trans. you felt awkward in that mold of girl and boy. you were probably gay too, and you liked these boys. but not in the same way they liked you, not the same way other girls around you liked boys. and you missed out on a lot of fun experiences growing up because of this
and now youāre on T. and thatās amazing. and maybe cis gay guys are even into you, and thatās cool. but they justā¦ donāt really get you. and you donāt really get them. sometimes you kinda wish you could be that young girl again, and have the guys youāre interested in wanting your attention and putting in the work to have you as their girlfriend. you used to have that, but you missed out on those opportunities
and letās say you try to hook up with straight guys. the problem is. not that many are gonna be into you, youāre too hairy, too many, voice too deep, and even if they are okay with that they just wanna fetishize your trans body. theyāre not seeing you how you want to be seen. you want to be GIRL. you want to be feminine again and wanted
but with a trans guy? happily seeing you as a girl? seeing right through you, loving those curves and your soft skin and recognizing the girl underneath your transition? he understands and he gets it. and you see HIM how he needs to be seen. as the young man going after girls like he never got to when he was young before his transition. because cis girls just donāt get it. but you get it.
#detrans kink#detranskink#ftm misgendering#ftm girl#ANYONE ELSE OR JUST ME????#like i understand liking this kink because you have trauma but#I donāt have that experience Iāve never been bothered when cis society misgenders me#or puts me down or puts me through that sexism bullshit and wants me to stop transitioning#I miss the girlhood. I miss what I didnāt get to have because I was an akward trans kid#I miss the boys o didnāt get to date because something felt off#and I miss the girls I never got to date because I wasnāt seen as a boy#closest I had was middle school lesbian dating#but even then it wasnāt quite right
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i try not to let dumbass fandom disk horse take up any space in my mind but now on behalf of the percico side of the fandom that had to deal with that entitled negativity i wanna write a percico drabble
actually the smuttier and more offensive the better
#iām gonna open up the inbox for just tonight for the smallest of drabble ideas. just a small thing. also iām gonna rant in these tags rq#full stop iām like. done with Minors Online#not like the 16-17 year olds that follow me & are chill & mind their business but the 13-14 year olds who debatably shouldnāt even be here#who just plow through all fandom/online safety & etiquette & donāt just behave like a Dumb Kid Online#but instead the worst breed of entitled inconsiderate leech to fandom spaces imaginable#just screaming āiām a Minor xyz characterās a Minor i can leave anon hate i can shit on artists i can do whatever i want Iām a Minorā#like where are your parents and do they neglect you because youāre insufferable š§#okay damn that was harsh i apologize. i do wanna be the bigger person as an adult who like. works & goes to school & stuff#i donāt even care when these people bother me because itās likeā¦okay? but when they bother other creators that bothers me more#anyways yeah iāll leave this rant in the tags and fandom tag it fuck it#percico#pjo
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Jason knows Bruce loved him that's why he's so pissed that Jokers still alive, he wants Bruce to PROVE that he still loves Jason by letting him kill his murderer, by choosing him.
The point of Red Hood is doing what Batman can't and nothing Bruce or Dick can say would change that Joker is still alive and there's another Robin who's going to suffer.
"Jason come home we still love you despite the murders š„ŗ" Okay then prove it, watch me put a bullet through the head of the man who murdered me and then let me come home. No? You can't? Well then I guess I was right the entire time and you're all useless and will never love me as I am. I'm going to non-fatally but very painfully hurt you now btw.
^ how it would actually go if Dick or Bruce or whoever found out his identity early
#don't even get me started on Tim#no they would not like each other#Tik would talk shit like he did all through Jason's death and then Jason would put his stupid ass in a locker until the bats came#dc#jason todd#bruce wayne#dick grayson#just read an identity reveal fic and I don't even know why I bother because none of them get the point#Dick and Jason can have brother feels without you guys stripping Jason of all his beliefs#I should've known it was gonna be bullshit when they started talking about the Pit#you guys can't ever let him have cool side effects it's always a reason for him beat up Tim or blow up a high school#guys we know that's ooc you don't have to explain it you can just roll your eyes and ignore like you do with every other#aspect of his character that's incompatible with your big happy bat fam ideals
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Have you ever played the video game Where the Water Tastes Like Wine? I just started replaying it and it reminds me a lot of A Cornstalk Fiddle!
You've guessed my tastes extremely well!
I'm really not a video games person (really not.) but Kentucky Route Zero and Where the Water Tastes Like Wine are two of my favorites---specifically because of their settings and the way it seeps through the narrative. I've been in and through so many verging-on-nowhere, USA, places that I'm weak for that vibe, the strange and marginal magic of it.
#a few days ago I was talking to a guy in a parking lot about my car rental service.#it was absolutely random but he was very sweet#lots of ''hey sorry to bother you again but I wanted to ask...''#and I am constitutionally weak for that specific vibe. give me an old school WI inflection and a couple ''ma'ams''#and I would fork over state secrets in a heartbeat.
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when your first impression on the carpenter's hot son goes wrong just yell "plot twist!" and move on ā©
yeah no jia didn't really give seb a good impression upon first meeting eachother ... it took sebastian a good while to warm up to them because of this (ill draw it... evnetually)
this is based off my gameplay when first encountering sebastian šš i didnt know you need 2 hearts w a villager to enter ur room (he wasn't there atp) and when i tried to leave he was blocking the way so i just stood there... until he had the "..." speech bubble and ran past me it was SO EMBARRASSING
this is their current impressions of eachother! maybe when i post more comics i'll update it !!
close ups below the cut as always sorry for a super duper long post LOL
face cards......
this is so can we pretend airplanes in the night sky are shooting stars i could really use a wish right now wish right now wish right now
#stardew valley#stardew valley fanart#stardew sebastian#stardew farmer#stardew robin#stardew fanart#sdv fanart#i draw skrunkly#500k word slowburn LMFAO#stardew copium goes crazy i didnt even draw this much comic pages when i was first posting solomon and peri stuff#i drew this instead of sleeping at a normal time yesterday#was it worth it? No i almost died at school today#i dont want to talk about how long i spent on sebastian's pretty face but he deserves it#i watched 7 hours worth of video essays in total.....#anyway im glad i drwe this it was bothering me for a good while#and yes i drew this instead of doing my facking school work#to be fair id rather draw them than program my game or draw assets IDGAF!!! Ok i kinda do bnut uyou get the point#stardew valley sebastian#stardew valley farmer#sdv#sdv sebastian#sdv comic#sdv farmer#stardew comic#if i could pick out a tswift song for them its electric touch
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My brother died very suddenly yesterday.
He was the kind of person who always had dozens and dozens of friends everywhere he went because he was easy to talk to and funny and treated people with respect, and his friends ranged in class, race, age, social ability, introversion and extroversion--no matter who you were, he could and would befriend you.
He would scold me for not asking him for help when I needed it, and he would mean it. He taught me to tip well. He loved helping people. He played practical jokes on the new kids at work, including getting one guy to "chop flour" because the flour they had in the kitchen was "too coarse."
He introduced me to some of the best food I've ever eaten in my life. He would always help with a recipe that wasn't working. He would tell me what to buy my foodie friends for their birthdays, and he never got it wrong. He loved meat and whiskey but also wine and fruit and he got me to eat beets even because he knew how to make anything good.
Mostly, he thought that people were all deserving of respect and decency. He was outspoken on this. For all that his friends ranged across demographics, he didn't tolerate anyone being hateful around him. But even then, he was nice about it. He would try to get people to come around to his side. He saw the good in people.
And he was happy. He had finally quit chewing tobacco and managed to stay off it for three years. He had a girlfriend he really liked. The pandemic had put him out of work for over a year, but he was back at his job and doing well and he liked it. He was good at it. And it's complete bullshit that he's gone.
#when I think of him#it's him standing in the kitchen beckoning me over to taste the best duck I've ever had#duck that was catering for a special party#but he knew I was around so he saved me bites of all this spectacular expensive food he made#or it's him driving me to the library after our mom died#and I couldn't figure out how to complete a school assignment#and he picked me up and told me I could always ask him for help#or him telling me my car sucked#and when I asked him why he said he wants a car that can go fast#and I told him that wasn't important to me at all#and his attitude changed entirely and he was like oh then I guess your car is great for you then#or just how much he loved his nieces#no uncle has ever doted harder#or when I asked him what knives I should buy for my kitchen because I was tired of shitty ones#how seriously he considered the question#tw death#I guess#honestly he's the kind of person who is so good with other people I always wondered why he bothered with someone like me#a thought that hurt his feelings every time#he was my big brother and that's all there was to it
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