#I miss the girlhood. I miss what I didn’t get to have because I was an akward trans kid

[dadvibrator]

T4T detrans kink not from transphobic trauma but from the longing of feeling desirable when you used to be a girl, when cis guys would want you. when you had long hair and hardly any body hair and straight boys flirted with you.

but you were trans. you felt awkward in that mold of girl and boy. you were probably gay too, and you liked these boys. but not in the same way they liked you, not the same way other girls around you liked boys. and you missed out on a lot of fun experiences growing up because of this

and now you’re on T. and that’s amazing. and maybe cis gay guys are even into you, and that’s cool. but they just… don’t really get you. and you don’t really get them. sometimes you kinda wish you could be that young girl again, and have the guys you’re interested in wanting your attention and putting in the work to have you as their girlfriend. you used to have that, but you missed out on those opportunities

and let’s say you try to hook up with straight guys. the problem is. not that many are gonna be into you, you’re too hairy, too many, voice too deep, and even if they are okay with that they just wanna fetishize your trans body. they’re not seeing you how you want to be seen. you want to be GIRL. you want to be feminine again and wanted

but with a trans guy? happily seeing you as a girl? seeing right through you, loving those curves and your soft skin and recognizing the girl underneath your transition? he understands and he gets it. and you see HIM how he needs to be seen. as the young man going after girls like he never got to when he was young before his transition. because cis girls just don’t get it. but you get it.

[pitchsidestories]

love me like you hate me II Millie Bright x Reader

masterlist I word count: 2215

a/n: thanks to the anon who requested this, we hope you all enjoy it. 😌

It almost felt like your first day of school.

Nervousness mixed with excitement in the pit of your stomach.

Joining Chelsea was a brand-new start for you. You had spend the majority of your life in Lyon, going through all of Olympiques youth teams. So transferring to a new club in a different country felt like a huge step but Sonia Bompastor, your former coach at Lyon, had wanted you in her new team and you knew that you could trust her judgement.

That’s why you were now taking your first steps on Chelseas training ground, ready to join your coach and your new teammates.

Sonia gave you an encouraging smile before she turned to her players. “Bonjour, girls. Before we begin, I want to introduce someone to you. This is our new player, y/n.“, she said in her heavily accented English.

You waved nervously at the others: “Salut.“

At least there were some familiar faces smiling back at you.

Sonia continued: “We worked together in Lyon. She is already very experienced for her age and she will play Centre back. We brought her in to ‘ave more competition at this position, especially with Millie.“

“Excuse me, what?!”, a tall, blonde woman said incredulously. Millie, you assumed.

Sonia shrugged: “That is football, Millie. It will ‘elp you improve.“

“Oh, wow. But I’m the captain. I…“, she started, seemingly unsure how to express her anger.

“Someone’s scared.“, Lucy teased. She was one of the few people you already knew from her time at Lyon, back when you had just joined the senior team.

Millie rolled her eyes at her teammate: “I’m not scared of a child.“

“I’m not a child. I’m 22.“, you protested, studying the older woman that you would have to compete with. Your heart sank a bit. She was a European champion, a regular starting player for her club and country and while you had your fair share of trophies, contending for the same position with her would be no easy task.

Millie gave you an unimpressed look: “You’re barely out of girlhood, you still got a lot to learn. Welcome to Chelsea, this will be very different to Lyon.“ There was an icy edge to her voice as she said the last part.

Hushed whispers passed between the other players.

“I’m sure you two will get along well.“, Sonia said but you weren’t sure if she was being naively positive or if it was just irony. It didn’t matter. Millies behaviour towards you had already made your blood boil and you refused to let her have the last word in this.

As the team slowly started to disperse for their warm-up, you caught up with the blonde defender: “Good luck, Millie. I won’t make this easy for you.“

She barely even looked at you when she replied cooly: “Don’t worry. I won’t either.“

Before you were able to answer Catarina Macário wrapped her arms around you for a tight hug. “Y/n, good to have you back in the team.”, the American beamed at you. Back in Lyon you two were good friends likely because of the small age difference between you both. Also, it was her who helped you with improving your English skills. Admittedly, it felt good to see her again especially after the frosty exchange you had with your new captain.

“I can’t wait to play with you again.”, you told her excitedly.

“Very good decision from Sonia to get you.”, she grinned.

“She was very convincing during her phone calls. And to honest I needed a change of scenery.”, you confessed with a crooked smile on your lips.

“Did you get tired of getting tackled by Wendie during training?”, Catarina teased you amused.

“Yes.”, you nodded chuckling while you received another pad on the shoulder from a familiar face.

“Missed us kid?”, Lucy asked winking.

“Of course I did.”, you responded in an honest tone.

The older defender looked at you more closely before she confirmed. “Me too.”

A few days had passed since your introduction, the team has flown to the US for a preseason tour and the first stop was New York. On the way to the hotel Millie sat down next to Lucy. From the bus windows they could see the famous skyline of the city, but the Chelsea captain didn’t had eyes for that, she felt the urge to talk to her England teammate about you.

“Why are you so nice to y/n, she’s so arrogant, Lucy.”, the blonde huffed.

“No, she’s sweet.”, Lucy disagreed smiling.

“Not with me, have you seen how she attacks me in training?”, the younger defender countered frustrated.

“It’s not that bad, Millie.”, the dark-haired player assured her smirking.

” When we were young, we wouldn’t have dared to play like that with older players in our team.”, Millie shook her head.

“Well times are changing. And I like that aggressiveness.”, the older woman reminded her.

“Of course you do. God, I just hate her so much.”, she groaned. Much too late Millie realized that you had heard her last words. Immediately when the bus stopped in front of your hotel you were the first to leave it.

“Looks like you have something to fix, skipper.”, Lucy observed.

“Shit, I obviously didn’t mean hate just that she frustrates me so much.”, the Chelsea captain mumbled biting her lip guiltily.

“Tell her that not me.”, her England teammate replied sounding serious.

“Cat our captain hates me.”, you whispered in your friend’s ear, sitting on your suitcases in the huge lobby while waiting for your room keys.

“Millie doesn’t hate anyone.”, Catarina objected gently.

“But you heard her.”

“She clearly didn’t mean it.”, she gave a smile of encouragement.

“How do you know? She seems to like everyone except me.”, you helplessly ran the hand through your hair.

“I know her.”, the American said firmly.

You left it at that, even though you didn’t fully believe your former Lyon teammate. Especially when the days in the US were exactly like the ones back at London, with Millie mostly ignoring you and you trying to prove her wrong in every training.

You were surprised when she finally acknowledged your existence just a day later. It was only the two of you in the hotel room you had to share when Millie suddenly decided: “Y/n, we have to talk.“

“About what?”, you asked, unsure about the direction in which this conversation would be going.

The older defender crossed her arms in front of her chest, her face with an unreadable expression. “About what you’ve heard.“

“Cat says you didn’t mean it but I think it sounded like you did.“, you said, keeping a watchful eye on her from your bed.

She huffed out a breath: “Let’s just say I phrased it wrong, okay? I don’t hate you, I hate the way you act in training.“

“But I’m just challenging you.“, you frowned at her.

“You’re risking injuries.“, Millie said plainly, the clear accusation hidden in the neutrality of her voice. You could tell she was straining to keep a normal conversation.

You shook your head: “No, I don’t want to hurt anyone. I know what I’m doing…“

Millie scoffed: “You’re still a child. You don’t have a clue about what you are doing.“

You rolled your eyes. Of course she would play the age card again. You just wanted this talk to end.

“I’m 22. That’s ‘ardly a child.“

“Listen, all I’m saying is that one day you’re going to injure someone like that.“

“Millie, I won more Champions League titles than you so I’m not as inexperienced as you think.“, you explained, voice tinged with slight annoyance.

“Oh, you mean the titles you won from the bench?”, she retorted.

“No, I actually played.“

“Not in the finals.“

“So you did watch our games?”, you asked before you could decide to throw some French swear words at her.

“No.“

“Not even after Sonia was announced as the new coach?”

“No.“

“I see.“, you nodded slowly, not sure what you actually saw apart from Millies indifference.

“So can we agree that you take it down a notch in training?”

“Yes.“, you agreed begrudgingly. “If you stop thinking I’m still a child.“

From your point of view, that was all that had to be said. The conversation was over. You got up from the bed and pulled your Chelsea shirt over your head, ready to switch into your pyjamas. It was only when you stripped of your sweatpants as well that you noticed Millies gaze on you.

“Stop staring, Captain Bright.“, you laughed through the awkwardness.

She didn’t look away, she also didn’t smile. “Why don’t you get dressed somewhere else?”

“Why don’t you turn around to look at the wall? At least you got proof that I’m not a kid anymore.”, you suggested with a cheeky grin on your face.

“Guess I do. But why do I’ve to turn around? There’s a bathroom right here.”, Millie commented.

“Boring plus it ruins the fantasy.”, you added still smiling.

“What are you even talking about?”, the blonde asked confused.

“Oh, please.”, you kept teasing her for her prude Englishness.

“You French girls are so weird.”, she claimed mildly amused by your behaviour.

“Yeah, but your eyes seemed to like it.”, you smirked.

“Are you done now? I’d like to sleep?”, the older defender changed quickly to a safer topic.

“Good night, Millie.”, you muttered while switching off the light.

“Night, y/n.”, Millie sounded almost half asleep. She hasn’t stopped thinking about your abs, but she would never admit that to you somehow, they followed her into her sweet dreams.

In training you couldn’t stop yourself from mocking your captain, still there was a more loving undertone in the way you talked to her now that wasn’t there before.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever.”, Millie tried to shrug it off.

“Whatever? The young won over the old and you don’t care?”, you pretended to be scandalized by her seemingly unbothered reaction.

Soon, you’d regret your cheekiness as the captain swept you off your feet to carry you to the ice bathtub and let you fall right into the cold.

“Ah, no!”, you yelled.

“That’s what you get for making fun of team old.”, the English woman explained, biting back a smile.

At dinner Lucy elbowed her teammate playfully. “You’re starting to like her too, Millie.”

“Oh, shut up.”, she pushed her friends arm away from her, her cheeks had turned slightly pink.

“No, it’s true you use every opportunity to touch her like.”, Guro intervened giggling.

“Like what?”, Millie interrupted the Norwegian forward impatiently.

“Like you’re into her.”, Lucy remarked, rolling her eyes at the cluelessness of her England teammate.

“I’m not.”, she protested.

“If you say so..”, Guro responded humoured.

“You don’t believe me.”, Millie sighed dramatically.

“Not a word.”, Erin affirmed.

“It’s pretty obvious.”, Lucy added.

“You know what they say about hatred and love.”, the Norwegian started laughing.

“Stop being annoying.”, the blonde begged her friend.

“I’m just saying.”, Guro threw an innocent smile at her.

“Maybe I don’t hate her anymore.”, Millie acknowledged quietly, hoping that they didn’t hear that confession.

“We know.”, Lucy declared annoyed.

You shook your head to yourself. You had watched from the table across from Millies friend group and couldn’t believe that they really thought you wouldn’t notice that they talked about you.

Patiently, you waited until the end of dinner and when everyone got up, you walked over to Millie.

With a smirk on your lips, you whispered into her ear: “Love me like you hate me then.“

The older defender paused and stared at you, dumbfounded.

“What? What’s that supposed to mean? I…“

You bit back a smile and prompted her to continue: “You?”

Millie caught herself quickly and rolled her eyes: “I wouldn’t go that far to say that I love you.“

“Oh, there’s no need to rush this but would you go on a date with me, captain?”, you continued flirting with her.

She blinked at you, apparently unsure if you meant it or not.

“A date?“, she echoed. “Like a real, honest-to-god date?”

You nodded confidently: “Oui.“

“Why?” She still studied you with narrowed eyes as if she could see right through you this way.

“Why not?”, you shrugged nonchalantly.

It was clearly not the answer Millie was waiting for. Still, she only said: “Okay.“

Now it was on you to look surprised: “So it’s a yes?”

Millies face softened into a smile: “Yes.“

Excitedly, you got onto your tiptoes and pressed a kiss to her cheek: “After our next test game?”

“Saturday then.“,, Millie agreed with a single nod.

“I can’t wait.“, you smiled at her.

Millie watched you with a fondness that she hadn’t allowed herself to show up until now. And you had to admit, it looked good on her.

Going on a date with you on that Sunday the older woman realized that it was easy to hate you for your arrogance, the way you played without compromises, your stubbornness but it turned out to be even easier to love you for your passion of the game, the way you took a real interest in her stories and your smile which lit up the whole dim lit restaurant you were eating at.

[starkwlkr]

Heyy jenn i really like ur writing and i have this request maybe u can do where ruby and reader have mommy-dayghter day and they just spend the whole day together in monaco and when they come home ruby keep talking abt how good it was to charles 🩷

girlhood | baby leclerc

thank you anon for the request!! i had a lot of fun with this one <3

note: i am not accepting anymore requests!

Charles had spent a whole day with Mathéo and his brothers, just the boys so Ruby considered it a boys day. In response, Ruby told her maman she wanted to spend the whole day doing the things they love like getting their nails done and going to different stores. Their girls day started with Y/n making pancakes with sprinkles in them.

“Can I have more whipped cream? And a cherry!” Ruby asked, stabbing her pancake with her fork.

“Only because you said please.” Y/n kissed Ruby’s cheek and grabbed the can of whipped cream and put some on Ruby’s pancake. As she walked to the refrigerator to get the container of cherries, she heard Ruby say a ‘good morning’ to Charles and Mathéo, who had just woken up.

“Sprinkle pancakes, is it someone’s birthday?” Charles wondered since Y/n only made those kind of pancakes for the kids’ birthdays.

“I thought miss Ruby deserved some special maman pancakes to start our girls day off. She even gets some extra cherries.” Y/n walked back to the dining table with the container of cherries and placed one on to Ruby’s pancake.

“Special maman pancakes?!” Mathéo gasped.

“This is for girls only, Théo. You and papa had pizza for your boys day!” Ruby said as she continued eating her breakfast.

“There’s extra in the microwave,” Y/n whispered to Charles. “Ruby, finish up, there’s a lot we have to do today.”

After leaving the Leclerc household, Y/n and Ruby first began their girls day adventure with getting their nails done. Ruby picked a pink nail look while Y/n went with a simple red nails.

“Maman, look! It’s pink!” Ruby wiggled her fingers once the nail technician was done with the girl’s nails.

“You look so pretty, baby.” Y/n replied.

“Thank you, miss!” Ruby said to the nail tech.

“Hey, Ruby, why don’t you pick what we do next?” Y/n suggested.

“I can pick anything?” Ruby asked, clearly not believing that she had full control of their girls day.

“Anything.”

And that’s how the mother and daughter ended up in a bakery that was having classes on how to make the perfect cake for any occasion. Y/n knew this was something Ruby wanted to do since forever. Ruby always asked her parents if she could take a baking class, but the family was always busy with attending races, school or going to another country.

“Chef Ruby, are you ready?” Y/n asked the toddler. The bakery’s owner even gave everyone attending the class their own apron. Ruby’s was a bit big on her, but she didn’t mind at all.

“Ready! I want to make a cake for grand-mère because she couldn’t be here with us.” Ruby said. Pascale was in her salon so she couldn’t go with Ruby and Y/n to their girls day, but Ruby was going to make sure Pascale didn’t miss out.

“We need more sparkle . . . right over here.” Ruby pointed to the side of the cake that needed more ‘sparkle’.

As Y/n spread the frosting on the cake, Ruby made it her job to make the cake full of color. In the end, the duo loved how their cake came out.

“Do you think she’s going to like it?” Ruby asked as she walked hand in hand with her maman.

“She’s going to love it, Ruby Jules. You did a great job.”

“Maman, there’s a man pointing a camera at us.”

Y/n never thought she would ever have to deal with paparazzi when she was alone with her children. To anyone, she seemed like a any other mother having lunch with her daughter. But then again, she lived in Monaco and most tourists that came to Monaco knew of F1 and of course Charles. She was photographed many times in the paddock so obviously whoever knew Charles could recognize his wife.

“Just ignore the man, Ruby. Eat your food, baby.” Y/n changed her seat to the one across from Ruby so the paparazzi couldn’t get a view of Ruby.

“Excuse me, I’m so sorry to bother you, but could I get a picture? If not, I understand. Again, I’m sorry for interrupting.” A blonde girl and her friend came up to the table with her phone in hand.

“Hi, don’t worry. I’m just happy it’s not paparazzi coming up to the table. Of course we can take a picture.” Y/n happily agreed and waited for the girl to give her phone to her friend so they could pose for the picture.

“You look cool!” Ruby gave them a thumbs up which caused the girls to laugh.

“Thank you. I love your nails. Pink looks great on you.” The blonde girl said to Ruby.

“Thank you. My maman has red nails, but next time we are going to match.”

“I bet they’ll look really cool.”

After saying a quick goodbye to the girls, Ruby and Y/n were on their way to their next activity which was going to Ruby’s favorite garden, Roseraie Princesse Grace. It was the first garden Ruby ever visited and she loved it ever since.

“Are you tired yet?” Ruby asked her maman.

“I don’t think so, are you?” Ruby laughed and shook her head.

When Charles heard the door open, he was met with his girls laughing as Y/n put down their shopping bags.

“What did my girls do today?” Charles asked.

“Can I tell him? Pleaseeeee!” Ruby smiled at her maman.

“Go ahead.”

“We went to the garden! Wait, we did our nails and we made a cake with sparkles and I even got my own . . . what is it called? I don’t know, but I made a sparkle cake and it looks yummy but it’s not for you, papa! It’s for grand-mère! And maman took a picture with a nice girl and they looked so cool!”

liked by isahernaez, charles_leclerc and 674,930 others

y/nleclerc: ruby jules and maman day 🤍

isahernaez mis lindas!! las amo ❤️ (my pretty ones!! i love you❤️)

y/nleclerc we miss you auntie isa 🫶🏼

carmenmmundt everyday should be ruby jules and maman day!

y/nleclerc next girls day, you’re invited c❤️

charles_leclerc théo and i missed you and ruby jules

y/nleclerc your 253536 calls are proof

View all 3,366 comments

[wavesoutbeingtossed]

The thing about her musings on her youth in this album is not just about the spending her “prime” years with someone who ultimately couldn’t give her what she thought they both wanted (family, but also in general sense the happiness you get when you’re young and your whole lives are ahead of you).

There’s SO much about her youth in general here, and how the demons of the past have raised and broken her. How each of these experiences have chipped away at her youth. This whole album is give me back my girlhood, it was mine first.

It’s all the things she’s talking about had are part of the same big trauma of the loss of that youth and innocence. It’s snakegate and how Kim K and her lackeys deliberately set out to destroy Taylor’s reputation for sport, which ripped out Taylor’s last few grasps of that young adulthood freedom without her consent. It’s mulling the price she’s paid for spending her entire youth in the spotlight and becoming a commodity instead of a person. It’s looking at a friend’s child and wishing she could protect them from the world the way she wishes she could have been had she known. It’s putting your trust in your first love who ripped the rug out from under you and your faith along with it. It’s spending your time pining for your younger days in the haze of unspeakable loss. It’s carving off parts of yourself as you grow up to make yourself palatable to your peers and your partners and as a result not knowing what parts of you are left. It’s revisiting a love from your past when you still had it all, and after the initial frenzy realizing its hollow. And yes, it’s pouring your heart and soul into a relationship you think is forever and with each passing year the light in the window flickering dimmer and dimmer, only to realize the light wasn’t coming from your home after all, and you may lose your chance to find it again before it’s too late and the dreams you so desperately cling to vanish for good.

And that’s what the end message I think ends up being in So High School: she’s reclaiming the land as it were. All these things that were taken from her and that she gave up are up for a redo. And it’s not rewriting the past, it’s coming to the realization that all those parts are still within her but so is the good. That the freedom she gave up when she released her first album is still found in the backseat of a boy’s car all these years later. That she’s older and wiser and battleworn but that doesn’t mean she can’t find that joy and lightness. “I feel so high school when I look at you” is kind of a loaded statement from someone who didn’t really get to go to high school (both actually and metaphorically). “Bittersweet sixteen suddenly” (love that wordplay btw) because again— she’s been through so much that the feelings of new love that make her giddy like a girl are tinged because she’s been here before and also never been here before because she was never that kid.

(There’s also a whole tangent there comparing Miss Americana and the Heartbreak Prince to So High School and how fraught the first is vs the lightness of this one.)

That’s why this isn’t just a breakup album. It’s why she dredges up 2016 and Jake and Aaron’s son and childhood and high school and any other number of things. Because she has spent her entire youth and adulthood grappling with the issues that came to roost in TTPD, and while this whole experience underscores that you can never know what’s going on with someone (least of all Taylor, a stranger to us all), I also don’t think it’s a coincidence that she has stressed how much healthier and whole she is now. That is why this whole album is a bloodletting, but it’s not just about a broken relationship. It’s about a whole belief system that has stolen girlhood from her and she’s determined to piece back together in the aftermath of the autopsy.

[czbersta1ker]

Love In Broken Shards

Chapter 2,

*Also on Ao3 and Wattpad*

(Y/N) arrives home in Derry after 4 long years away, and her bleach blond neighbour comes to say hey to the new girl who moved into the old (Y/L/N) house, only he never saw a for sale sign?

Collapsing onto the sofa in her lounge (Y/N) let out a huge sigh and contemplated just going to sleep right there and then, but she still needed to redecorate her room since it was still the same kiddy aesthetic from before her move. This is because her mom and dad never sold their home in Derry, instead it just sat there empty with a cleaner coming around every once in a while to make sure the house didn’t end up like that run-down one on Neibolt Street. God, that house always gave (Y/N) the shivers whenever she and the boys passed it on their bikes - her boys…

She wondered if they were any different than how she left them four years ago, obviously they would be different, she thought to herself looking in the hallway mirror as she made her way upstairs. (Y/N) had changed for the better, she had had her braces taken off and she changed out her glasses for contacts and now knew how to put on foundation, concealer, blush, bronzer- well the list could go on. The most noticeable changes to (Y/N) would have to be her body and style though, when she left Derry (Y/N) had only just started going through puberty so now as she stood inspecting herself in the mirror she smirked at how hot she had turned out. She brushed her hands over her round hips and thin waist looking at her tits in her hot pink top and giggled to herself remembering what one of her old friends Amy had told her…

 

“(Y/N), the most important rule of girlhood is this…” The girls giggled at (Y/N)’s wide curious eyes, the four older girls who took (Y/N) under their wing reminded her of her old friends in Derry a bit, she still spoke to them every so often over the phone but even then the calls were getting fewer and fewer. “The bigger your tits are, the more stuff you can get boys to do for you!” Amy whispered in (Y/N)’s direction, though she didn’t really need to as it was just Amy, Dotty, Tiffany, Mary and (Y/N) sat on Tiffany’s bedroom floor. Furrowing her eyebrows slightly (Y/N)’s gaze flickered over all the girls eyes pretending not to be confused but it didn’t take a rocket-scientist to tell the girls (Y/N) didn’t know what tits were, sure the boys used to talk about how Greta Bowie was the first girl in their grade to get tits but even then she just nodded along. Sighing Dotty grabbed her boobs in each hand and gave them a squeeze and a jiggle and laughed when (Y/N)’s cheeks burned red. 

“Ohh… those. But why- how do I make them do stuff for me?” The younger girl asked.

Getting up and kneeling in front of her bag Mary unzipped it and pulled out a piece of pink fabric, and threw it over to (Y/N) smiling, holding it up in front of her, her face grew even more red. The hot pink fabric was a t-shirt - barely - with white spaghetti thin straps that crossed at the back, the bottom of the shirt was short at the back and wrapped around to the front where it became longer and pointed. It was the sluttiest thing (Y/N) had ever seen before (having lived in the very conservative Derry, Maine her whole life), and she loved it. Looking up at the girls smiling at her with those motherly sweet smiles Mary spoke up at last.

“Keep it, pretty sure my tits have outgrown it anyway!” And she did.

 

Adjusting the cute top on her body, pulling it tightly around her chest and straightening out the denim skirt that had been rumpled from the drive over from the airport. (Y/N) smiled sadly, just because she was excited to see her old friends again, didn’t mean she didn’t miss the girls who helped her throughout the four most lonely years of (Y/N)’s life. Shaking the thoughts from her head she made her way upstairs to her bedroom, seeing the dark grungey vibe she had chosen for her room before she went away. With old band posters and stolen movie posters plastered on every available surface, bed covers shittily dyed black after she and Reggie had snuck the crisp white sheets into her parents dark wash, the old black and red rug with the skull face on it stared at her as if to say ‘Where have you been for so long?’. So with a heavy feeling in her chest, (Y/N) set out to redecorate her room exactly how it had been in LA at her Aunt Jenny’s place; the movers had been there a few days before (Y/N) and her Aunt to makes sure they had all of (Y/N)’s stuff and whatever else she would been for the time being. Her parents had called recently (for the first time in months might I add) and told Jenny that they wouldn’t be back when they promised they would and that they needed to stay an extra couple months in whatever country they were in now, this did not go down well with Jenny. (Y/N) knew Jenny loved her, probably more than her own mother did, so when she told (Y/N) she had fought long and hard with her sister over the phone for (Y/N) to move back to Derry on her own until her parents returned she knew it wasn’t because Jenny wanted her gone; but because she could see (Y/N) was getting more and more miserable after her four girlfriends had left for college last semester. Well it’s safe to say (Y/N) treated her Aunt to dinner that night.

 

First, she started with taking all of the old clothes she had left behind in her closet and stuffing them all into a trash bag to take to the thrift store that used to be in town, if it was still open. Next (Y/N) unpacked all of her new clothes she had curated over her years in away, pretty fabrics of white and pink fluttered on hangers on one side of her closet, low-rise denim of all varieties hung next to them while her cute coats and jackets were hung at the furthest end. Heels, boots and heeled-boots all lined the floor of her closet and (Y/N) smiled at her collection - Boy was she proud of it, everything in her closet cost her every dime she’d ever saved from her part time waitressing job near her old high school.

To say she missed high school would be a lie, but she missed her friends who were now across the country in different colleges having finished High School before (Y/N), as she was only just starting her senior year; in Derry High. Setting her thoughts aside (Y/N) realized she had been staring into her closet for a while like a weirdo, huffing a laugh at herself she moved to start peeling posters off her walls. After getting the majority of them free (Y/N) decided to keep some up like Nirvana, Radiohead, a Breakfast Club poster and her now favorite (that was her least back favorite then) a Jennifer's Body poster, God she loved that film now. Putting up some newer posters she had collected in different stores and malls (Y/N) could hear Jenny in the kitchen downstairs putting the groceries she’d just bought for (Y/N) away. Aunt Jenny was flying back to California tonight so she would be gone by the time (Y/N) woke up, god she’s going to miss her Aunt, Jenny had basically become her mother in the time they were away, but (Y/N) decided not to dwell on it too much and be thankful she was finally home.

 

After an hour or two (Y/N) was basically finished, her hot pink bedding lay beneath her with a leopard print blanket on top, there were a few posters up and some pictures - including multiple of her icon Paris Hilton. What, can you blame her? Paris Hilton is so cool. Her pink Juicy Couture tracksuit lay over the vanity chair, on it stood her makeup, skin care, perfume and other odd bits. Sighing constantly, the girl closed her eyes and smiled to herself finally relaxing after a long, long day. Until she heard her Aunt Jenny calling her,

“C'mon down princess! There’s someone who’s come to say hello!” 

“Ughh, coming!” (Y/N) replied practically rolling out of bed. Yes it was only 1pm, but she had had a long day so it’s justified; passing her floor-length mirror (Y/N) smiled at her reflection, blowing a kiss at herself before her eyes caught the pictures she’d stuck on the edge of her mirror. Her boys… For months they’d exchanged photos back and forth, until she started to feel slightly self-conscious of how she was changing.


“So (Y/N)...” Vic had hummed down the phone, the others giggling in anticipation, “What’s with the skirt? I mean, yeah we know you’re like- a girl and all, but it’s a bit weird right?”

“Yeah like what are you gonna start doing next… wearing fucking makeup?” Henry exclaimed, making the boys cackle at the idea - okay so they were a bit mean sometimes but (Y/N) was used to it, it still made her cheeks burn with embarrassment as she looked in the mirror at her first attempt of a face of makeup though. “God, don’t tell me you’re turning into fucking Greta Bowie just ‘cause you’re at a new school!” Reggie laughed. (Y/N) scoffed at them down the phone, “Fuck off! Jenny made me wear it for the photo… She fucking dropped it though and i’m not sure when i can get a new camara so.”

 

Jenny hadn’t dropped the camera that day, but shame clung to (Y/N)’s bones at her best friends’ words so she had lied to them - they continued sending her their own photos though. Reaching a finger out (Y/N) gently touched the last one they sent her, in Reggie's car (a bright blue Trans Am he got for his 16th birthday) Patrick and Vic we in the backseat grinning like devils while Henry sat in the passenger seat like the entitled brat he is, with Reggie driving. The photo was snapped through the sparkling clean windshield, (Y/N) thinks it was Vic’s mom taking the picture but it could’ve been anyone really. They all looked so happy, pointing to the middle seat in the back with an A4 sheet of paper taped to the headrest, the words ‘(Y/N)’s Seat’ in thick black pen marked it. It made her tear up when she brought it up over the phone that night.

Finally back from memory-lane, (Y/N) made her way downstairs, chunky white gogo boots thudding on the stairs as she rounded the corner into the kitchen, walking right into the chest of a tall boy. Gasping as she felt gravity do its thing, a warm hand snaked around her waist pulling her back into its owner's chest, (Y/N)’s hands flew out to steady herself feeling the taut muscles beneath her hands she stepped back quickly. Thinking about how she could play this to her advantage (Y/N) thought of everything her friends had ever taught her about men.

“Oh my gosh I'm so sorry!” she exclaimed, suppressing a smirk while pressing her manicured fingers to cover her eyes, day 1 and she’s about to catch a fish. 

“I’m just so tired, it’s such a long flight to Maine from Calif- Victor?!” (Y/N) shouted, shock and embarrassment coursing through her veins, her stomach dropped. Oh. My. God. Taking him in (Y/N) notices he had bleached his hair since their last photo was sent, he was tall - definitely taller than (Y/N) and Jenna - his arms were toned but still as pale as they had been when she’d left. Her gaze trailed down his pale arms to his long fingers still wrapped around her waist… Wait- WHAT? Her head snapped up to his face and saw his expression, (Y/N) thinks all 5 stages of grief pass by before he finally lets her go, arms dangling by his sides. Vics mouth hung open, adam's apple bobbing up and down, his piercing blue eyes burning holes into her body. He did not meet her eyes until he was finished drinking her clothes and body like a starved man, even then it seemed like a task to drag his eyes away from her.

 “Wha- Sorry what did you say?” The blond boy said, almost whispering, brow raised as he tried to place where he could’ve possibly met this gorgeous girl before for her to know his name. “Do I… know you?” He finally decided on.

“Vic! It’s me, (Y/N)! Mom and dad finally let me come home!” (Y/N) grinned at him with perfectly straight white teeth, no braces in sight, but all Victor Criss could focus on was how hot his childhood best friend had grown up to be,

that and the tightening in his pants.

✰ Hope you enjoy!! ✰

[operationslipperypuppet]

Ooh how about top 5 Emily moments for each PC (i.e. top moonshine moment, top fia moment, etc etc) because we know Emily is incredible and can do no wrong!

Real and true. I’ll do like 2 moments for each naddpod pc and then it’ll be like 10 moments lol. Full disclosure: this is long as hell.

Moonshine:

“You can be quick with kindness, too” and then grabbing Bev and jumping off into the Astral Sea. That whole thing, where she was trying to understand Thiala despite knowing she likely couldn’t be reasoned with. An absolute peak of Moonshine. Holy shit.

Not to be the guy who brings up “how long do half elves live” at every opportunity. But it needs to be said. Because it’s also Moonshine grappling with how her lifespan is going to work. Emily was never going to take 18 levels in druid, she didn’t want timeless body for Moonshine. But she got it. And then there’s this poignant moment where she’s grappling with everything that will mean to the only other person she knows has or will experience it. Moonshine doesn’t fear death. But she doesn’t want to live in a world without her family and friends. And that’s why it matters. Plus the hardshine of it all.

Fuck it, third one. The conversation with Deadeye. She saves him. She’s the catalyst that stops him from continuing a spiral he’d been part of for possibly 100 years. And he stopped her from going down a similar path, which was Brennan’s plan when he made the character. The Cybin siblings are something that can be so personal.

Fia:

“Maybe I don’t want to be her sister, okay!” Fia was closed off to the other third mates in a lot of ways. She was never hiding anything deliberately, she just kept a lot of feelings close to her chest. She hadn’t had friends in years. Blurting this out to Hank and Zirk was her last wall crumbling and a moment of true trust. Plus like the beauty of girlhood friends falling in love wlw wish fulfillment.

“You were my fucking dream for so fucking long. But these people are my reality. And it is by your actions that one of them has died, and you tried to kill more of them. And I will miss you so much. But I, I cannot support this. Mr. Henry. Kill Her.” Truly an Emily moment of all time. The beauty. The cold hearted commitment. The sobs from both her AND Caldwell.

Tarragon:

Only gonna do one here because she’s in so few episodes. The atonement to help redeem Moxora at the end of Cerenysus. “She may have rotted but she’ll make good soil”. Devastating.

Billie:

Also gonna do one here because of the shortness of her time. Her insane antics in the Grimdung/Beeto cave fight. Trying to convince Grimmy that she was worth more than his allegiance to the cause. Being completely wrong about his thought process. And the interactions with Hank and Zirk during that fight. Too fun.

Onyx:

Pretending to be Porker Harris for the entire Merry Metal Mayhem two shot. Insane choice. She was dressed as him dead I think actually. And tried to convince Sonic that she was him. The triplets are too good.

Befriending KT. Getting her plane seat upgraded while sitting in the bad seats. Asking for her opinion on everything. So dumb. So incredible.

Callie:

Fucking. Crown of Dreams. Right at the end. She finally isn’t confused or a nannerfly. And she takes a turn to Lay on Hands Sol (who was 2 death save failures in the hole and it really felt like Caldwell’s skin of his teeth luck had finally run out) and then casts compelled duel on Ultrus to save Glen. Gets me every time. God what an episode.

Little strange, but when they’re fighting the Bronzebeards and that guy who was controlling people with the worms in the woods on the way to Irondeep. She like climbs up something, Fey Steps, attacks or casts a spell, then asks Hardwon to catch her. And Hardwon “nods like he’s seen this kind of bullshit before”. Just a very fun moment.

So sorry for going off like that. Hope people enjoy reading this insane list lmao

[unbotheredalwyn]

I just have to say how disappointed I am in allowing myself to fall back into the Taylor trap. I started listening to her music in elementary and middle school and followed and genuinely liked her music until Red. I dropped her music because I got tired of all of drama with Jake and how everything was about a guy and then 1989 dropped and I got even more of an ick with all the Harry styles drama and after that I genuinely stopped hearing about her and her drama until midnights. I genuinely liked the vibe of it and then listened to lover, folklore, and evermore and was like Omg?! When did she mature? When did she grow this much? Folklore became my favorite album especially because it resonated so much with me while I was struggling. I went to the eras movie with my friend and we rekindled our girlhood memories and made friendship bracelets and even traded them with the few people the cinema and it was so cool to have had that moment watching the film and reliving our childhood with these people who we didn’t know but bonded with BUT THEN I got hit with the Joe break up, the Travis nonsense (like I didn’t stop seeing this man’s face no matter how hard I tried to avoid it) and then the Joe trash talk, Ratty, and worst of all-Taylor seemed to revert back to this immature, catty high school mean girl persona and I was shocked! I was so mad to find out that she contributed to this narrative against Joe and then TTPD admitting she cheated and blasted Joes mental health and her fans just justify all of it? They went from saying Joe was jobless and poor and used her to Joe being too rich to have mental health struggles and if he hadn’t been “so sad” she wouldn’t have cheated. Well which is it? Did he use her for money or did this rich man just ruin her vibe and deserve to get cheated on? And which is it from Taylor? Does she even have a real personality because it feels like she just picks up whatever suits her for the time being and I hate it.

I totally understand how you feel. I find myself sometimes missing her music.

One of the best times was the eras tour in cinemas for me too. My girlfriend surprised me with tickets we got flyers and it was a genuinely good time we were all dancing and singing along, people were handing out friendship bracelets, doing the fan chants etc but genuinely this entire thing is making me genuinely so sad because I really thought Taylor was a better person but she is just not.

Don't feel bad or disappointed because I promise you the fact that you see her bullshit and just does not blindly follow her like all the others says a LOT about you as a person and it shows your character so don't worry anon 🤗

I really am proud of Joe regardless what swifties say about him and honestly I don't think he gives a shit 😂 my unbothered king

I hope he sues them though about the ai shit and I hope Emma and Alison sues the people who spread she shitty rumors around tbh

[misguidedasgardian]

The Lifeaters (III.5)

V. Crush-ing it

MASTERLIST

Chapter Summary: Unlike last year, nothing was going to stop this school year

Pairings: Draco Malfoy x Fem!Reader (platonic)

Warnings: Cursing, magical objects, Mugglephobia, classism, charms and curses, might miss some warnings

Wordcount: 2,3 k

Notes: Anyways… let’s keep swimming

The night you spent all together in the great hall had been so much fun! giggling, talking and gossiping to late hours of the night, and then sleeping next to your closest friend

Draco had taken well the fact that you were trapped in Muggle studies, blaming it on Snape rather than on you, “my father will hear about this”, he said, and you were relieved 

Your group was closer than ever, even Tracy, who for the last two years had been a bit of a “lone wolf”. Your group of 10 closest friends. 

But also the night was a bit revealing, it turns out Black had tried to sneak into the Gryffindor common room, he had ripped a portrait that was the door to their private space

They were always in the middle of everything, weren’t they?

But you had your own things to worry about… your first match was coming nearer, and the weather was only getting worse

Trainings were brutal, you ended up moody all over, and the rain was making you slip from your broom and almost fall from it, Draco was all too happy watching you from the stands, claiming that he was going to be able to play in the actual game, but didn’t want to “chance it” with his arm, even though he was totally fine, at least to you.

You had to ask Marcus (who as he was in last year he had permission to go to Hogsmeade more often), to go to Dervish and Banges to buy some adhesive gum for the handle of the 

brooms.

But the date of the game…

It was Thursday today, you woke up… feeling terribly uncomfortable… again, and lucky for you, it was pouring, and Draco kept whining about his arm

Flint looked at the two of you

“And what’s up with you Basilik?”, he asked softly, he always spoke softly to you, not to your other team members though

“I don’t feel very well”, you muttered, unconsciously wrapping your arms against your midsection, he looked at the gesture with a frown

“Oh I get it, I have two older sisters”, he grumbled, “I’ll talk to Hooch and Wood”, he said, and walked away

“Really?”, you asked

“Yes, we can’t play in this weather anyways”, he said with a small smile, “and I understand Basilik, but don’t let it be a bother again”, he demanded, and you only nodded 

“Yes captain”, you said shyly

“Do you really don’t feel good?”, asked Draco, “what was that about?”

“It’s true”, you muttered

“Are you alright?”, he asked

“Yes! I will be”, you said surely

“Did you go to the infirmary?”, he insisted

“Draco”, you said, a bit more violet that you would like, “I’m fine”, from one second to the next his face paled, and he seemed horrified

“Oh! I’m sorry!”, he said quickly, looking into his pockets, “here,  a chocolate frog”

“What? why?”, you asked him, receiving the treat from his trembling hand

“Just because”, he said simply. He smiled shakily and nodded. You just shook your head, and went back inside before a huge storm fell over your heads.

The school day was over, and you almost sighed in relief when you saw Pansy, with whom you’d had marvelous talks about… girlhood

With a look she knew, and you sat by her side in the couch

“Those days uh?”, she asked, you only nodded, but as Draco saw that Tracy, Daphne and Milicent joined you, he ran off to his own room.

But it was not an excuse for the Defense against the dark arts you had, double period, Friday.

You were sitting next to Draco, holding yourself to not cuddle against his arm, you needed to cuddle something, or someone… 

But it wasn’t professor Lupin who entered the room next, it was professor Snape, to your disappointment

You admired him, he was the head professor of your house, but you could barely take him in the Potion’s classroom, and Defense against the dark arts was your relief. Even though this was the position he coveted the most, he was the best at potions!

“Turn to page 394”, he commanded with his drawling voice

“Excuse me, sir. Where's Professor Lupin?”, asked Potter

“That's not really your concern, is it, Potter?”, he asked, there is no one that he hated more than Potter, but he turned to the class nonetheless, “Suffice it to say your professor finds himself incapable of teaching… at the present time. Turn to page 394”, he insisted, to see there were some that didn’t even have their books over their tables yet

"Werewolves?”, you asked 

“Sir, we just learned about red caps and hinkypunks”, said Granger this time, gods she was annoying, “We're not meant to start that for weeks…”

“Quiet”, he warned, there is nothing he disliked more than being contradicted, “Now, which one of you can tell me the difference...between an Animagus and a werewolf?”, you raised your hand, the answer in your mind, “Baislik”, he called, even though Granger was almost jumping off of her seat.

“An Animagus is a person that chooses to turn into an animal, after completing a lot of complicated rituals to become one, but a Werewolf…”, oh you shouldn't have answered 

“A werewolf has no choice”, completed Granger with a smug face, “With each full moon… he no longer remembers who he is. He'd kill his best friend if it crossed his path… Furthermore the werewolf only responds to the call of its own kind”, Draco mocked Granger by howling into the class, making you laugh

“Thank you, Mr. Malfoy. That's the second time you've spoken out of turn, Miss Granger, are you incapable of restraining yourself or do you take pride in being an insufferable know-it-all?”, he growled, making you smile, was he actually defending you?, “Five points from Gryffindor”, Draco giggled by your side, nudging your side.

“As an antidote to your ignorance, and on my desk, by Monday morning two rolls of parchment on the werewolf, with emphasis on recognizing it”, everyone growled and you were so relieved to not play tomorrow 

The class continued as nothing had happened, it was the most boring class of defense against the dark arts of the year, and you wondered that if Snape coveted this position that much, shouldn’t he put more work into it? 

Draco started doodling a comic of Potter being struck by lightning while he was playing, and you thought it was hilarious, you actually helped him, drawing a quidditch player throwing a bludger at his head, with a tap of your wand, the picture started moving, and you giggled when Draco turned it into a paper plane and threw it at him 

Did you really have to make this huge assignment?

You felt terrible, but…with the correct amount of chocolate you were ready to attend the game, even though it was pouring, a full storm raging on, you wanted to skip it, you really did, because, what was the point? you could barely see! but all your friends were going so… and Pansy so much as dragged you under her umbrella.

As you were walking towards the pitch, under a tightly held umbrella, you passed by Potter

“If only my arm was fully healed”, mocked Draco, “such a pity”, you even felt better at his words, and to see Potter’s face, Potter’s wet face

An artwork

“Let’s go to the boxes”, you insisted, you wanted to walk arm in arm with Draco, but… Pansy gave you pleading eyes so you were forced into facing the storm alone… until… Matthew wrapped his arm around yours 

He was taller than you… and… sturdier… so you didn't complain when he hid under your umbrella, Greg on your other side 

it was hard to watch, as you anticipated, but the storm gave the match something else, something powerful to it

It was even, you had heard that Hufflupuff had a new captain and seeker, and you could tell there was a big difference between them this year, and the last. Marcus had been so determined that you had been slacking in what Quidditch strategy is referring to.

So you did your best to keep in mind their plays, and strategies, even though they could have been changed due to the weather.

Thunderstruck the field, catching the broom of a player, you expect more than one injured player today, it was even more interested to watch, as the players kept slipping off their brooms

You haven't been in a game in almost a year, due to last year’s cancellation.

The game was intense, truly intense, the storm wasn’t waning and players went from one side to the next. It was electric! and not only because of lightning

You were watching an excellent maneuver from the Hufflepuff’s chasers when suddenly, everyone started gasping and screaming, you looked up and saw both seekers, going up, up, up in the air in the search of that little golden thing

The golden snitch

they got lost in the clouds and you tried to paid no more mind to Potter, but to no avail as Cedric Diggory fell from the skies to everyone’s surprise

From one second to the next, the sky was filled with Dementors, and Potter was plummeting to his certain death. Everyone was shouting, gasping and crying, pointing to the falling seeker. 

It all happened so quickly, Dumbledore was watching the game, as he used to, and casted a spell so loud, the whole stadium

“Arresto Momentum!”, Potter stopped falling, landing slowly on the wet grass

Dementors were falling from the sky, over the pitch, and before you could do something, a blinding bright light covered the entire stadium, again, from Dumbledore’s hand, a spell so powerful it send all the Dementors away in a heartbeat

The game continued, despite it all, Cedric Diggory caught the snitch, and Draco was so shaken he didn’t even spoke against Dumbledore as he was also the witness to the most incredible spell any of us had ever seen

Say what you want about Dumbledore, he was a sucky headmaster, but he indeed was one of the greatest wizards that ever lived.

So the match had it all, intensity, a raging storm, players falling from their brooms, an incredible display of magic, but what was more important… A flagrant defeat for Gryffindor

You couldn’t stop smiling

Potter had a huge drop from the skies, and they had lost the match. He was in the infirmary next to a Hufflepuff that had been struck by lightning 

it was still pouring, so you had no choice but to go back to the common room, that was buzzing with excitement

it was a nice, and cozy weekend, you stayed in the common room, the elves in the kitchen already preparing wintery comfort food, and you even took time with your friends for some studying, and helping those who were behind in class, and you even wrote the essay for Snape, even though it was a secret out loud that Lupin had clarified that you didn’t have to write it. 

The week came nonetheless, soon it was monday and the classes started long for Muggle studies and Care for magical creatures, which was now very boring because Hagrid had lost his foot after what happened with Buckbeak

You still had to prepare a huge work for Muggle class, to find an object you could find in a muggle house and write a paper, describing it, how it was made, how it work, and what is was for, and you were panicking, you didn't had a clue, neither did Theo or Matthew

Draco had decided to take off his bandages, even though his arm was still tender, you had a game coming up, one that you couldn’t shake off, Ravenclaw, as opposed of Hufflepuff, and Professor Hooch didn’t care anymore if Draco’s arm wasn’t exhaled by then

It was in a couple of weeks, at the first Saturday of December

Now you were in potions, it was a light class, and there was an air of relief and happiness over your house, mainly because the Gryffindors were looking so gloomy.

Draco had taken full advantage to the fact that he didn’t had his bandages anymore, and perform great impressions of Potter falling off of his broom that had you cackling, even Snape was smirking when he thought nobody was looking

Weasley cracked sooner than you expected, Draco was in the middle of his impression when he was hit, straight in the face, by a wet and slippery crocodile heart.

“Ah!”, moaned Draco, and you actually didn’t want to touch him as he had goo on his face

“What is wrong with you Weasley?”, you asked him

“50 points from Gryffindor”, said Snape who was on the other side of the classroom but managed to turn just in time to witness the throwing 

“50!?”, asked Weasley, you mocked him good yourself, when he was not looking, you threw a little dead slug in his cauldron, it was going to make the potion turn soggy, not at all what Snape was asking for, and at the end of the class, he got a bad grade

You were so tired of them, what happened last year coming back to you, If they thought you were the worst kind of person, maybe you should be, at least to them 

Another week went by and you found yourself with broom in hand, ready to start the game

“Draco, watch out for Cho Chang, the new seeker”, muttered Flint, “we have faster brooms, but look over your shoulder, she tends to be a follower”

“Yeah, I’ll lose her in no time”, he muttered

“The Ravenclaws are smart”, said Pucey, “but we are faster than them”

“Yes, Beaters, you know what to do, keep the Bludgers into the kill zone, Basilik”, he called

“Yes?”

“You know what to do as well, you are still small enough to slip in, you need to keep that going, alright?”

“Yes Captain”

But it didn’t work

You sometimes forgot that you weren’t the only ones who watched every single game in search of the other team’s weaknesses, that they also studied your strategies, and consequently, had also devised ways to… try to win

You couldn’t have a window, you spend more time trying to evade the bludgers the Rvaenclaw’s beaters were throwing at you, they wouldn’t let you receive, pressing you between them both as soon as you got the Quaffle, and then they practiced the Parkin’s pinzer, and you fell for it

It was a good game, usually with the Ravenclaw it was quick, smart, with lots of strategy behind every play, the Slytherins were resourceful and clever, to Ravenclaw’s wits and intelligence.

You felt like they took out the best in you, in a wordless strategy with your captain, you fought back, with strength, waking up from your stupor

Draco had no interest in Cho, so he went to search for the snitch, rather than wait for the slippery little thing to come to him, so you usually found him going from one place to the next, also assisting in pressing on the other team

Your beaters got you an opening, so you did the classic movement in your team, Adrian and Marcus with the quaffle, taking all the attention of the Ravenclaw’s beaters so you swoop in from the outside of the pitch, Adrian passed on to you, and you managed to score

The only you you managed on the entire game

One goal by every chaser, and then, a bludger hit you on your side, taking your breath away, you were luckily closer to the ground, and managed to stay atop your broom, but you had to stop to recover, for only a few seconds, Marcus was going to ask for a timeout, but to no need…

Draco caught the snitch

DRACO CAUGHT THE SNITCH!

The next thing you knew, you had a horrible bruise over your ribcage, and you had trouble moving your arm but, Marcus’ friends of seventh year raised you in the air of the common room, as they did the entire team

Around you, a party was unraveling, the music was playing loud and they were all cheering for you

And it was only the first game of the season! this was going to be amazing!

You were on top of the world 

[foreverdolly]

If the chapter isn't ready yet,can we get a teaser for the final chapter of fake dating instead?

The crowd was full of familiar faces. Family members you hadn’t seen in years, friends that had stuck around your sister since girlhood- and now Austin, who was sitting beside your parents. The corners of his eyes were slightly wrinkled with the force of his smile.

You felt something yawn to life in your chest- this long dead ache. You didn’t let it startle you like you might have just mere days ago. Instead you basked in, allowing your heart to flutter and your stomach to do flips. Because Austin, sitting in the front row with only your sister’s closest family and friends, looked like he belonged.

He laughed right along with your mother as your sister’s face crinkled with tears of joy, and when it was time for the newlyweds to seal their vows with a kiss he clapped just as loudly as your father did.

You watched Emily and Brandon, hand in hand, make their way back down the aisle. You didn’t miss the way your sister turned her head, eyes searching for your face. It was hard to believe that two weeks ago you had been completely certain that love was a lie. Marriage, in your pessimistic worldview, had just been a social construct. In your mind it was yet another crooked path that led straight to eventual emotional and financial ruin. In that moment Emily’s pink cheeks and glassy eyes had you feeling positively optimistic. Love had won today.

And as Austin stood up to wrap an arm around your bleary eyed mother you couldn’t help but realize that love would win tomorrow too.

Because tomorrow did exist for you two.

The grecian breeze felt good on your too-warm cheeks. It ruffled the gauzy ribbons that had been tied on either side of the wooden archway your sister and her husband had just been standing underneath. The smell of the rose and peony bouquets mingled with the seaside air. It seemed to propel you forward, setting your feet into motion as you made your way over to the front row. Austin was already holding out his hand for you, that bright white smile beaming just for you now.

It wasn’t until most of the guests had started making their way towards the reception area that you realized you hadn’t looked for Alexander even once since the ceremony had started. There wasn’t a hint of jealousy or even residual pain, rather just a lack of any sort of emotion at all for the man.

“Are you alright?” Austin asked, rubbing the back of your hand with his thumb. You had a feeling that he wasn’t asking about last night.

“I’m fine.” You were more than just ‘fine’. You felt great. Wonderful, even. You gave his big hand a squeeze and began pulling him through the grass. The blonde blinked down at you in silent surprise, plush lips parting.

“What? Is there something on my face?” You asked, dropping his hand so you could drag your fingers under your eyes, worried that your mascara had run without you noticing.

“No, no. It’s just. . . I don’t think I’ve ever seen you this happy before.” He was reaching back out for your hand before he could even finish his sentence. He wanted to touch you- needed to touch you. “It’s beautiful. You’re beautiful.”

It was his turn to begin pulling you in the direction of the music. Your sister’s party was already in full swing, the sudden sound of champagne popping reminding you of where you were. Your bare feet felt good against the cool plush grass. You let yourself sink into it, your fingers threading through Austin’s.

“If we don’t join the party now then I might kiss you.” Austin commented, gently swinging your clasped hands. Your eyebrows furrowed, wondering why kissing would be a bad idea. If anything it sounded like the best thing in the world right now. You wanted him. The need to be close to him was overwhelming, and holding hands just didn’t feel enough right now. He noticed your expression and flashed you a shy smile.

“If I start now then I won’t stop,” His shy smile widened a bit, and he pulled you closer to his side, lowering his head so that he could speak directly into your ear. “And fucking you in a bathroom doesn’t sound comfortable. I’m quite tall, is all.”

[spoiledsummerdasies]

I experience girlhood in a very unique way. Being the only girl in an all androgynous-masc plural system. Every time I front I experience life as a trans-masc, because that’s the body I’m driving. Despite myself identifying on the feminine end of the spectrum I hold no contempt or hate for the trans-masc body I have to front in and the men/enbies of the system for transitioning the body in the first place. I understand completely why transitioning was the best option for us. I may miss our long red hair and girly voice but I am not dysphoric. Because girlhood to me isn’t about how you look or identify, it’s about how you build yourself.

Wearing frilly socks, carrying lipgloss in your pocket, decorating with cherries and lace. I’m a girl because that’s what I make myself out to be, and the rest of the system and the body don’t effect that at all. A boy can experience femininity, so can enby, as long as you seek out those experiences you will experience them.

Not only that, I hold the memories of growing up as a little girl. Even though I didn’t split until we were older, those memories were placed into me. So I have a deep comforting nostalgia for being a girl in the 2000s, looking up at the surfer chicks at the beach thinking they were so cool. Wearing heels too big for me and pretending to be a princess. All the nice parts of girlhood, before the host started to become wracked with dysphoria I remember and cherish.

So while coquette is definitely a feminine aesthetic and community, it’s not exclusive to only girls. Being coquette to me, is how I get to enjoy girlhood as the only girl in the system, and the nostalgia I get looking back on the memories of being raised a girl. It’s capturing the girlish joy and innocence of growing up a girl and living it despite your age, body or identity.

[bloodyproudpotterhead]

That whole reddit fiasco is seriously condescending and dismissive it gives me the ick. So I’m gonna write issues that I had with that finale.

Many of the things that he said just doesn’t make sense. The defense for Roy & Jamie weird behavior is “men are dumb” and “Keeley doesn’t need anyone”. You think we don’t know that Keeley doesn’t need anyone to feel complete? WE DO! The show never implied that she has problems being alone anyway. Also, you can’t fit the complexity of feminism and girlhood into one “girlboss” shape. That’s just reductive. The moment I read this, I knew that that part of storyline is written by men.

Another problem: Defending Jane behavior. Stalking your boyfriend’s friend? Shredding your boyfriend passport?? And to dismiss them as ‘quirky behavior’??? To me, that sounds like giving a pass to toxic, abusive relationships. 

Another one: To leave the ending of Ted & Michelle relationship as ambiguous? BIG NO. To even entertain the idea gives a bad taste in my mouth. This is the woman that begged him to sign the divorce paper, for christ’s sake. And they never built of the idea of them getting back together. They even introduce Dr. Jacob into the story. Was that truly necessary? Was the point to show that Michelle needs to be in another relationship to see Ted for who he really is? 

Also: Ted wasn’t at the wedding? Because he’s at Henry’s practice?? What even was that. You cannot actually tell me that they think this through. What, your kid can skip practice for 1 day to attend your best friend’s wedding?

Let’s even go to the boat guy: You cannot tell me this is the ending they plan for Rebecca from the start. If it did, why not build that narrative instead wasting your time introducing unnecessary new characters? Let us get to know the man better so we know that Rebecca will be taken care of by a man who truly knows her. 

Another issue: Henry. When did we ever see him actually missing his father? Because i feel like I missed that. Even that part of the story was told through other character, Dorothy, and not Henry himself. Why not have a scene where the kid express this himself? Even when he had problems at home, he can solve it himself (the bully story). 

Second to last: Ted himself. I don’t mind if their plan from the start was for him to have a Mary Poppins-like journey. What I had problems with is the way they build that theme. They’re too focusing on symbolism, they never truly build the narrative itself. If Ted was supposed to go back to Kansas from the start, why not show him what life he had and going to have there. This was never at any point shown or even hinted at. Also, Mary Poppins, unlike Ted, didn’t leave her hometown with a partner whose love for her has expired. They began Ted’s arc with showing him that his marriage is practically over that he needs to move an ocean away from her. That’s just saying to me that Ted desperately needs a new start (which they clearly displayed multiple times).

Lastly: The editing and the baiting. There are so many intentional edits and camera works and parallels that are meant to teased if not blatantly directed towards Ted & Rebecca. Why zoom in on the matchbook? The tiny soldiers?? Them talking at the hallway??? I can go on and on on this alone. Even to the opening scene of the finale. Just for shits and giggles for audiences who root for the two main leads? Honestly, that to me just felt cruel. Even if their intention was for them to be platonic soulmate, their words not mine, they never really addressed any of the elephant in the room anyway. The call, September 1991. So all I hear is them saying stuff and not following up on that. ALSO, to tease the idea of romcom MULTIPLE TIMES both on and off the show, even referring many times to Nora Ephron, only to laugh at your audience for believing in good old romance felt truly disrespectful to the late director. And as a long time fan of hers, I won’t let that slide. 

My point is: You can’t just patch bad writing with callbacks while ignoring a huge chunk of the character arcs you’ve built. That’s such a disservice to the beloved characters so many people have grown to love. 

And to say we take it personally? Excuse me, when your audience take your work personally, you should take it as a compliment because that means they connect with your work. So much for a show that preaches about being kind, I guess.

Anyway, I always feel sad and embarrassed when writers have to defend their decisions to their own audience. And that is what they/he did. You can elaborate on what you think happen post-finale to your audience, or even explain your intention, but when a big crowd of your audience question it, maybe you should take a look at the way you frame your story before you point fingers at them.

[bossymarmalade]

I spent six years of my childhood in the developing world, where school uniforms were the norm (you only wore street clothes if you went to private school). It was a Roman Catholic girls’ school and we had overalls:

--that’s a photo from the paper of some kids from the same school from like four years ago and the uniform hasn’t changed since I was there in the eighties lol but anyhow! 

There was something that felt very genderless about our school uniforms. Maybe it was because it’s a girls’ school, so that stripped out a lot of the comparison between us and boys. Maybe because there wasn’t a strong sense of social pressure, since the school was in the city and none of us lived nearby (I lived rurally! On cane estate lands in fact). The expressions of personality we were allowed were very restricted -- earrings that fit the dress code, and hair bobbles/ribbons, that was about it. 

In a way I do feel that going to girls’ school, being in a uniform for six years, got me to a certain baseline confidence level in who I was as a girl and the way I was allowed to express it. Girlhood was the same as personhood to me because all of my school peers were kind of in the same boat. Our bodies weren’t really the locus of self-expression because we all looked the same, so we decorated our books in varied fashions, found little niches of behaviour, even knew each others’ preferred shades of blue ink for our fountain pens. I was known for creating a prediction table of what our teacher’s outfits meant for the day’s activities (a certain tan dress worn with a red belt meant we were Getting a Test! I still remember it lol). 

When we moved back to Canada and entered the public school system here, the other girls were fascinated and perplexed by our clothes. I was unselfconscious enough for that to not bother me at first, but this time we lived in the neighbourhood and I started hanging out with those girls and the socialization set in HARD. Clothes for school suddenly became hugely important and, curiously, when I moved from a grade school in a super-wealthy neighbourhood to one in a middle/lower-class neighbourhood, the pressure to be wearing the ‘right’ clothes increased tenfold. My identity as a girl became PROFOUNDLY wrapped up in how I dressed.

Lots of the time when I see discussions of school uniforms for girls they’re characterized as being symbols of control, or squashing of individuality, or sexually titillating. My St. Gabriel’s uniform wasn’t any of those things! I truly missed it when I had to switch to wearing street clothes at school. It had freed me up from having to compete with other girls and/or be concerned about fitting in with them; it was something I didn’t have to worry about amidst all the other stuff I was trying to figure out. It was a featureless container for the actual me, which was the important part.

[eternalxbarbie]

would’ve, could’ve, should’ve II DAROLINE

Living for the thrill of hitting you where it hurts. Give me back my girlhood, it was mine first. And I damn sure never would've danced with the devil at nineteen and the God's honest truth is that the pain was heaven. And now that I'm grown, I'm scared of ghosts. Memories feel like weapons. And now that I know, I wish you'd left me wondering. God rest my soul, I miss who I used to be. The tomb won't close, stained glass windows in my mind, I regret you all the time.

It wasn’t uncommon for the two of them to avoid each other. It was usually her doing the avoiding and him simply not having the good sense to stay the hell away from her. In fact, Caroline couldn’t remember the last time that she had willingly gone looking for Damon Salvatore. He was someone that she hated with every little piece of her, not just for the things that he had done to her but also for the way that he had treated Stefan and Elena and Jeremy and...God, the list just went on and on. 

He’d at least had the good sense to look away when their eyes accidentally caught from across the room, but Caroline with no humanity was damn similar to a dog with a bone. Once she decided that she was going to do something, there was absolutely no stopping her. It was almost like a lion stalking their prey as she weaved through the crowd, her eyes never leaving Damon until she was by his side. 

“Let’s go have a chat,” she demanded, the look in her eyes letting him know immediately that this was really more of an order than a request. 

She swore that she saw him hesitate for a moment and her eyes narrowed in response. There was a sigh from Damon before he relented and he followed her out the front doors of the Empire and into the cold night air. 

“Blondie, as fun as I’m sure that you are with that little switch in the off position, I really meant it when I said I was trying to change my life around,” he started and Caroline smirked as she held up a hand to stop him. 

“You know, it’s super funny that you bring that up because that is exactly what I wanted to talk to you about.” 

The blonde watched as Damon swallowed hard, but didn’t speak. Caroline wondered if he had known that this was coming. After all, everyone else had gotten their licks in, hadn’t they? Elena told Caroline exactly what she thought of her during both her stints with no humanity. Stefan had gotten to go on his tear. Damon practically lived that way for half of his life. Wasn’t it Caroline’s turn to get her own little form of vigilante justice? 

“You told me that day in my dorm room that you were going to try more to be there for Stefan but that’s just not true is it?” Caroline asked, mischief flashing in her blue eyes. 

“I mean, I was missing for weeks and from what I can tell, you didn’t bother to check on him at all during that time. And then Stefan was gone, Klaus thought we were dead, and where were you, Damon? You know, don’t bother answering because it really doesn’t matter. What matters is that you weren’t there for him, again. Just like you weren’t there for him when he got out of the safe last year. No, that was me, wasn’t it? Oh, and who put him back together again after you and Elena got together? Was that.,.oh, wait, that was me too.” 

She chuckles, shaking her head. “You know, it’s fucked, really. You hated him for almost two centuries for convincing you to turn but I think that he’s probably paid for that sin fifty times over at this point. You hated him because Katherine loved him in a way that she never loved you and you weren’t even man enough to say it to him. Kind of how you weren’t man enough to tell him to his face that you were in love with Elena, that you were going to be with Elena, and when you finally get her, you break her heart too.” 

“But that’s not even scratching the surface about what you did to me, is it?”

She takes a step closer, ice instead of fire in her eyes as she watches him. There was no emotion in her face, only facts being spit forth instead of feelings and she wasn’t even close to done. Caroline shook her head as she took him in, half expecting the hatred that lived under the surface of her humanity to burst forth and flip her switch. Instead of impassioned rage, her voice was one of detached, cold calculation. 

 “Did you know that when Lucien had me in his grasp, one of his favorite things to do was go rooting around inside my head for increasingly painful memories that he could torture me with? He found a lot. I mean, Jules and Brady’s torture, Tyler’s bite, my own father. But do you know the one thing that he said was so horrific that even he wouldn’t force me to relive it? It was you, Damon.” 

She steps back, unable to stand that close without attempting to break Klaus’ compulsion and rip his heart from his chest. Distance would at least keep her from acting rashly. 

“I could have gotten past it if you had just fed on me and left me to die like you did to Vicki. At least then I could chalk it up to losing control of your urges. I could even have gotten past the fact that you manipulated me for your own means and tried to kill me the day that Katherine turned me against my will. But I cannot get past the fact that you compelled my consent from me. I have tried time and time and time again to justify it in my head, to find a reason that continuing our relationship in that manner was necessary to your plans. I have tried to think of some reason, any reason, that continuing in that way was vital to getting Katherine out of the tomb and I have come to the conclusion that even as I try to justify your bad behavior, there was never any purpose for it.” 

“You treated me like I was disposable. Like my existence, my blood, my innocence was yours to take and discard of at will. And then you basically guilted your brother and my best friend to not talk about it. Well, I’m done, Damon. I’m done being silenced and I’m done sweeping this under the rug. You know, even coming to me in my dorm room that day was a fucking tactic. You get that, right? You came to my bedroom to apologize to me and didn’t think that I would immediately be back in that moment? You, once again, blocking my way to the door and practically demanding my consent once again.” 

“So now? I’ll tell the whole fucking world what you did to me if I want. I’ll tell anyone that’ll listen because you deserve to wear that scarlet letter the same way that I was forced to wear the shame of falling into your little trap every day for the last three years. Thank God I can’t feel shame anymore. It’s been freeing to not have to think about what you did to me every single day. It’s been absolute bliss to not be disgusted by my own blood knowing that it is yours that made me the way that I have. You forced yourself into me even in death and if I could still feel, you would be able to hear in my voice just how much I hate you. I guess it’s a blessing for both of us that that version of me is gone.” 

“For Stefan’s sake, we can pretend to play nice in public but Damon? I know the truth. You will never change. You’ll pretend and you’ll try and you’ll apologize but we both know that this bad behavior isn’t some kind of fluke. It’s who you are, it’s your soul, your dark, ugly soul. You didn’t deserve my innocence, you didn’t deserve Elena’s devotion and you certainly don’t deserve your brother’s love.” 

She shook her head, starting to walk away before turning back to the other vampire. 

“Oh. I almost forgot. Merry Christmas.” 

[wavesoutbeingtossed]

“Back to December” is such a bittersweet song, but I think in light of everything we know now, the post-Dear John, WCS, I Can See You of it all, there’s something even more poignant about it.

On the surface, it’s an apology to a boy whose heart she broke because she just didn’t love him enough at the time, and how much she misses these very innocent things about him — his sweet smile, his tan skin lol that line always makes me laugh though, his uncomplicated love. It’s a romance that’s painted with summer sunshine and easy affection.

But as we know with later songs, at this point it wasn’t enough. She was tempted by the “forbidden fruit,” the thrill of the chase, the furtive glances and electric touch (lol sorry) of someone else and followed the path to desire. (OK that feels a little gross to type out, but you know what I mean.)

And as we also know, that experience, that fall from grace as it were, is one of the single most traumatizing experiences of her life. The god’s honest truth is that the pain was heaven, maybe, but it came at the cost of the very person she thought she was, and is something she’s been trying to rebuild over and over again ever since.

Which is why “Back to December” is so sad to me, taken in that context. It’s like she’s not just wistful for a sweet relationship that fizzled and the boy she left behind; she’s yearning for the very idea of what that relationship represented. The summer car rides, the laughs, the earnestness of their youth. She wants her girlhood back and this is the last moment she had it in her reaches before it was taken from her before she was ready.

And then the cold came, the dark days

When fear crept into my mind

You gave me all your love and all I gave you was goodbye

In the context of the songs that came in years to follow, we know those dark days are not just from their breakup; someone made her days very, very dark, and she’s replaying the moment before that penny dropped.

But if we loved again, I swear I'd love you right

Sure, the song is about making amends to the boy for breaking his heart, wishing she could get a do-over, but given how these themes are explored afterwards, it feels like it means more than that. Because after this point in time, she knows exactly how it feels not to be loved right, and she’s desperate to go back to a time when her world made sense.

I'd go back to December, turn around and change my own mind —> And I'll look back and regret how I ignored when they said, "Run as fast as you can" —> I regret you all the time

It’s just a constant loop of, this is the moment everything changed, and this is the last time I felt safe.

And then the last thing that just kind of clicked for me, is the recurring theme of reliving a moment over and over again and being unable to let it go. In Back to December, she’s replaying the moment she let him go, but again in light of what we know now, I don’t think it’s a reach to relate to the other closely related memories she relives in spite of herself. There are other examples of the theme of memories in her discography I’m sure, but this is obviously the one that sticks out in this discussion:

I go back to December all the time —> Memories feel like weapons —> The tomb won't close, stained glass windows in my mind

Sure I may be seeing things where there are none, but to me, underneath the puppy-love surface of “Back to December” are the seeds of trauma at work, yearning to return to a time before it happened and staying on the same “righteous” course with the right boy, the right behaviour, the right responses. She may not have the words to voice them at the time, but the feeling permeates all of her writing. Speak Now the album(s) is all about the things she wished she’d said or done in the moment, and this right here is one of the most poignant ones for so many reasons.

TL;DR: apologies to the boy in question, but it isn’t just about you.

[dietbuckshot]

something to be said about going through my childhood jewelry box and taking down all of my wall decor in my childhood room while my mother works behind me to seal the holes and all evidence of my early years.

that jewelry box had earrings i wore when i was with my first girlfriend, things given to me by people no longer in my life, and overall just a childlike collection of shiny things. i used to go in there and look at my collection of golden horse pins, butterfly brooches, and earrings missing their partners, all given to me by my grandma when i asked her for them, because i was her little girl and what i said went. i don’t identify as a girl anymore but my girlhood was in that box. i feel very intensely about this.

my room was very important to me growing up. i was always in there whenever i could be, because it was my space and i didn’t have many friends growing up. i punctured holes in the walls with thumbtacks, tore off paint by accident, left divots in the wall when i moved my furniture. as i took down my collection of plastic horses i watched her chalk over the mistakes on the wall and i felt something tight in my chest. realization that im getting older, realization that soon all the things that were comforts to me in a really really fucked up childhood would be gone. i can’t use the jewelry, i don’t want my stuffed animals, i don’t even want my collection of plastic horses i’ve been collecting since i was 3 or so.

she’s painting it green today, my favorite color, and it’s becoming the guest bedroom. i got rid of the jewelry box and everything in it. i have felt like a stranger in my own body my entire life and i don’t think ill stop anytime soon. i walk into a room and feel as if im not wanted there. i have felt this way since i was a child. i am convinced that unless i can be used i am not wanted. i walk into a room that was mine and feel like a burden. i think about the jewelry box and feel a profound need to go look at the shiny pins. i cant do that.

no one wins. no one can convince me i’m wanted in any way other wise, and i can’t fix something that’s been broken since i was so young. i can plaster the holes in my psyche and paint it my favorite color, but is it my favorite color? at what point do i begin and at what point do i end? will i ever feel convinced that someone won’t get tired of me and let me go?

i have a profound need to form connections through conversation. when i open my mouth i feel like i should have kept it shut. why do i cower like a dog at my whole ass age of 20?

[eclvpses]

At first, Rosa was moved by Apple’s enthusiasm. It meant a lot to her, knowing that after all this time Apple still wanted to be around her, as if no time had passed at all. And then all Rosa could feel was overwhelmed - Apple’s radiant smile, infectious energy, how badly she wanted to reciprocate her excitement and then some. Rosa had assumed time apart would have given her the space she needed to filter out her feelings for Apple, and it had. Somewhat; they still lingered, but absence made the heart grow fonder, and while she could push emotions away she couldn’t forget them in their entirety. This exact moment was reminding Rosa of that, as she fumbled for what to say. “I think… my cooking skills have somehow gotten worse.” If that were even possible. Rosa loved to bake, wanted to get back into it again, but when it came to cooking she couldn’t even boil water. Literally - there’d been an incident where a pot had boiled over and turned off fires on her gas stoves, almost causing her house to blow up once or twice. “How about I text you, and we can figure out a day? I just - I’m trying out this new program at Little Lambs, some artsy thing. I wanna get the kids more into crafts, y’know?” Sometimes, Rosa’s mouth seemed to have a mind of its own. While her excuse wasn’t fully untrue, it’d been exaggerated greatly. It wasn’t taking up her entire weekend in the slightest. Her conscious seemed to key into this fact, because before she knew it, she was blurting out -, “Actually, maybe you could come by and help me out, then. I’m lacking in ideas.” Now Rosa was worried that she was the one coming across as overeager. She’d gone from all but rejecting Apple, inviting her out for dinner, - sounding particularly date like - to rejecting her dinner idea, to re-inviting her over for… arts and crafts. She was cringing inwardly so badly Rosa was convinced it showed on her face externally, too. “Oh, yes. Kids crack me up - they always complain about nap time, but as soon as their heads hit those cheap, overused mats they’re out like a light. He was in a much better mood after.” It felt like this conversation was practiced, with how easily their banter had picked up, like they’d never stopped at all. Rosa hadn’t realized how badly she’d craved companionship like the one she’d had with Apple - it was different, built on a certain element of girlhood that’d left her heart racing and her skin tingling. It was so intimate, having someone know the ins and outs of you. Rosa felt that same thrill returning while talking to Apple now, mind a flurry of confusion over it. She was apprehensive to give into the fluttering in her chest, so protective over it for so long, especially where Apple was concerned, but she’d missed this more than anything. “Good. I’m glad - maybe… well. I don’t know.” She wanted to see them, biting on her bottom lip to keep herself from asking. Even though Apple was generous with her art, it still felt like a gift to get to see it - and Rosa suddenly felt shy, thinking about asking to. “I’d like to -.” At the mention of her roommates, Rosa’s eyes almost bulged out of her head. She knew Parker in passing, but Stuart? “Um - Stuart? Boyfriend Stuart?” She asked, before computing how she’d worded the question. Rosa had been in a faux relationship with Stuart - when it was convenient for them - for the last few weeks or so now. She hadn’t even meant to refer to him as that, but… that’s just who he was for her. “I mean - you know what I mean, uh. He’s… yep. That’s… my boyfriend. Didn’t realize you two were… roommates.”

The disappointment that ran through her body was much more sudden then she's expected and so it made it hard for Apple's smile to stay put making her falter slightly. Reading Rosalind was always hard for Apple because she felt like she knew her, but then things would happen or Rosa would say things that would make her question everything all over again. "Yeah, totally. Don't um- you're probably busy as is." Apple felt herself finding excuses for her to make the situation not as alien feeling as it did in that exact moment. "Dinner?" she perked up once more, already putting the previous interaction behind her. "I'd love that. Absolutely! How have your cooking skills evolved? I think it would be fun if we make something together. Gives us more time to fuss and fight over what's the proper order of a pizza and what not." she couldn't help the grin the spread over her face as she pictured it already. Apple herself wasn't the best or a good cook in the slightest, but she's learned how to make a mean pizza from her Mimi. "Or we can be totally boring and just go to the pizza parlor, but I can assure you that it will not taste even the slightest bit better than mine! How's this weekend sound for you? Not too soon I hope?" It was almost impossible for her to stop talking and pitching ideas for Rosa. Their brief interaction bringing back so many fond memories of the two doing just about everything together. All the things that they went through together, and the secrets they'd shared. All things that people took for granted as they grew older, but for Apple those times held so much meaning. It made her yearn to be close with Rosa again and feel that intoxicating and gut wrenching innocence that they each had. To get a first glimpse into the person that Rosa is now. See what changed, and what lingered. "That little booger!" Apple exclaimed though her laugh. “Children are always saying the darn-est of things! At least you know that he respects you enough to tell you, no? Did he go and lay down after?" It made her incredibly happy to know that Rosa was doing well working the job that she did, specially when she couldn't have children of her own. It saddened Apple to see her in so much pain back when she'd found out. She could remember promising to have ten babies so that each of them could keep five and be forever happy. As young and childish as their promises were back then, Apple could see herself keeping it even now. Perhaps not ten babies, she's never even had a penis in her face. “Only a plethora! I’m pretty sure I have filled out at least 12 sketchbooks since you last seen them. And that’s not counting all the canvases and walls!” Her art over the years turned into a self soothing hobby. All showing her deepest and darkest thoughts as well as pieces of her that Apple couldn’t explain. She had many portraits of her friends too. All unrecognizable to the naked eye as they were more her feelings for them then an actual representation. “We could have a Harry Potter movie marathon? Fall is technically already here, and it’s always been a tradition of mine. But you already know that. I’m sure Stuart and Parker will be up for it too, and obviously you’re free to invite anyone else that you’d like.” It was weird how easily they could converse as if years hadn’t passed between them but mere weeks.