#both good and bad it’s a whole discussion

[6ix9inewiturmom]

Back in the day- Christopher Sturniolo

Summary: In which you and Chris dated for 3 years prior to him blowing up, and broke up with you as soon as his career took off and lost complete contact with him until you guys ran into each other again 5 years later and learned he wasn’t the same person he was back in the day.

warnings: cussing, slight mentions of sex, idk what else but this ain’t smut but this is a long one so LOCK IN CHAT :)

A/N: i love stunna girl, this song straight up is real asf, if you ain’t watched baddies pls do, it’s so good!! stunna is amazing and this song is my fav stunna song!! chris may come off as an ass in this and it’s kinda the point lmao, also ignore the lower case use, i’m too lazy to fix that lmao but the italics are some of the lyrics in the song btw

Living in boston my whole life created a new definition of hell. ESPECIALLY when you’re forever known as the girl who dated Christopher Owen Sturniolo. the last girl he ever dated. he will forever haunt me and my reputation. Chris and i dated from the end of Freshman year till about a couple months after graduation, and we were perfect, i mean we talked marriage, kids, etc. truly the only man i’ve ever envisioned life when i was old and grey with, but unfortunately life had other plans for the both of us. Chris, and his triplet siblings started youtube and filming videos in the car with each other and them being themselves together the internet LOVED them. suddenly they had like 100k subscribers and was continuously growing on the platforms. i was their biggest fan, within those three years Chris’ brothers and his parents became like my own family. about a year after they blew up they signed with WME and moved to LA. chris and i made countless promises and vows to each other that no matter what it’d be us against everything, but again life had other plans. chris ended things with me the night before he moved to LA. blaming it on distance, time zones, and everything else. i was always right were he left me, in boston, at the house i grew up in, the city we drove around all the time, the same grocery store he got in trouble at multiple times for not doing his job and “flirting with the customers”, which was just me, the schools we went to, and the high school we graduated at. never left. i knew i could never be just friends with him. ever. he meant way too much to me for me to just accept the fact that we were not together. time passed and they kept growing and growing on youtube, which was amazing for him and his brothers and stuff but i’ve always felt out of place in boston, everyone knew about us and our breakup and how negatively chris spoke on having a girlfriend and how “scared” he was of having a girlfriend and his irrational fear of women. most of these bitches around here had ZERO context to those clips that always found their way to me, and made me seem like it was my fault and no one ever corrected anything about that. we weren’t toxic, we weren’t anything bad, we were US.

-FLASH BACK-

chris and i were sitting on his bed, discussing the future of us, well the future of him, not us. unfortunately for me this was the last time he’d be in boston for a while as this was his last night living here, i had tears in my eyes, still holding onto the hope of him, the hope of us, but i knew it was already over.

“i’m sorry Y/N, i really am, i just- i wanna-“ he stutters “i gotta focus on me man, life is moving faster then i can handle” he said choking on his own words.

“i understand, make that money, but don’t let it make you”

“regardless of anything, you’ll always be the biggest part of my life, and i promise i wont forget you or anything. i still hold so much love for you, always, please never forget that.” he voice breaks. i knew he didn’t want this, he knew i didn’t want this, but in some fucked up way, this truly was the end.

-END OF FLASHBACK-

being 21 years old and still living with my parents definitely wasn’t the ideal choice for me but finding a place close by to the house was the hardest thing, especially since my mom holds a very special place to me, moving out of state or something like that doesn’t seem like the right thing to me.

today was an average day for me, shopping, i love shopping, or spending money to be fair. i found myself back at the mall for like the 3rd time this month, this time i was actually here for something i desperately needed. Jayla is one of my best friends i’ve had since 2nd grade, she’s finally getting married and i need an outfit for the reception dinner. i’m not the girliest person but i do love to clean up every now and again.

i found myself in zumiez looking at their new clothes they got in, when my ear perked up to a familiar sound of laughter from a specific person, my head jerked back like an owl, and low and behold, Christopher Owen Sturniolo, walking into the same shop as i’m in. now it wasn’t abnormal for him to be back in his hometown but we had never been in the same place at the same time, till now which was weird because, chris was never an in person shopper, he loved online shopping and having shit delivered by the comfort of his own bed, but to actually see him, in person, in front of my eyes, was crazy, it’d had been at least pushing 5 years since i had seen him, he looked somewhat the same but older, it’s like i had seen a ghost, my eyes were bigger then the whole sky, and my throat clogged like i had a frog in it, my heart sped up in a panic, why was i scared? this was the same man who has seen every inch of my body, inside and out, took my virginity, was my first kiss, why was i scared?

my eyes darted around the room for somewhere i could hide behind and see if i could find an escape plan without looking like i was stealing or something but i knew i just needed to get away. i crouched down behind a display of Ed Hardy track suits but my disguise didn’t last too long.

“Y/N?” his voice. deeper then i last heard, and his once slight boston accent he held was gone.

i sighed as i stood up straight to face the face of a man who truly made me feel what emptiness and heartbreak felt like “hey” my voice shook slightly. i didn’t hate him. i couldn’t. i just can’t ever look at him the same without reminiscing about our past.

“oh my god” he smiles and comes closer to me and instantly wrapped his arms around my neck. “god it’s been ages. how the fuck are you dude?” he squeezed tightly before pulling back.

i let out a slight giggle, still trying to grasp what the fuck is happening “i’m good yeah, Jaylas getting married so just doing some browsing”

“oh my god, can you believe people our age is getting married? like i just can’t imagine how people are having kids and shit now, crazy work honestly” i laughed it off as usual. “dude i’m in boston for like the next week or two, oh my god theres so much we need to catch up on holy shit” he says while adjusting his beanie he had on.

“oh it’s crazy” i nervously laughed “it’s been a little bit yeah”

“maybe we should catch up or something? nothing too serious just causal you know?” he says with a smile on his face.

i stood there for a moment taking in his offer, i wanted to say no, but i couldn’t say no when those blue eyes i once was in love with gazing down at me with joy in them “uh yeah fuck it why not, my numbers never changed so if you still have that by any chance you can text me and stuff and maybe we can link up sometime?” i said softly playing with my bracelet on my wrist.

“what makes you think i have that?” he says giving me his signature smirk, “i’m fucking with you kid, i still have it” he chuckles softly.

“well fortunately for you, i am free this weekend but i have work till then” i say shooting him a pouty face.

“i can work with that” he smiles at me. god i’ve missed that smile.

“well i gotta go, it was nice to see you again chris, just text me” i smile back at him.

“it was amazing to see you Y/N/N, i’m looking forward to catching up with you” he smiled at me as i walked out of the store.

my jaw was still slack, my face still pale, the only thing going through my head was ‘what the fuck’ over and over again. in what universe would i randomly bump into my now famous ex boyfriend, after almost 5 years of no contact, while shopping for my best friends wedding? was this some sick joke? was i dreaming? so many questions and thoughts i had no answer to that i wish i could answer but maybe this was a good thing? maybe it wasn’t? should i hang out with him? what would happen? would i just become an old friend to him? or just his favorite hookup to come home to? was he even like that? i have no clue who that kid is anymore. but something told me that wasn’t the chris i was in love with anymore, but i was too stunned to even think about him in that way, i still somehow held onto to the same 17 year old chris i was in love with with a goofy frat boy look and a slight boston accent.

the weekend couldn’t have came slower. my work week ended, thankfully but painfully slower then an average week. chris and i decided to meet up at Hunters Kitchen, where he took me out to dinner after his shift at the grocery store one night. of course my nerves got me there faster then he did and i was too busy worrying if he was gonna stand me up i ended up drinking at least 5 glasses of water before he even showed up. he showed up on time, wearing a black beanie, camo cargo pants, and a black tee, his eye scanned the room to see if i was here and found me sitting there and shooting a soft warm smile towards me as he found his way to the table.

“early as always Y/N” he joked.

“i had to get here before all the yougins take all the good seats around here” i laughed softly looking at him through my eyelashes trying to get a good read of his vibe.

“wasn’t this the place where we went after i got off work back in high school?” he smiled looking around the room.

“you remembered?” i smiled softly.

“how could i forget?” he chuckled “not much has changed, though i do hope the pasta got better since the last time i was here, Nate and i ended up with some serious stomach aches after eating here one night” he shook his head, reminiscing about the memory he shared here.

“well why don’t you tell me how life’s been treating you? what you been up to? how’s LA?” i brought the glass of water up to my lips taking a soft drink of my water trying to not loose the conversation with him. why did i find it so hard to talk to him? we practically grew up together.

“dude” he starts, taking a deep breath, “Matt, Nick and i just got off our second tour we’ve ever done, it was amazing bro, we met so many fans, saw different parts of city’s i didn’t even know like existed, holy shit dude, i finally got my drivers license after like years of being ubered around by matt, god it’s amazing, nick still can’t drive, oh my god i got tattoo, i’ve met amazing people living in LA, and if you thought the parties we used to go to were fun? the parties i’ve been too in LA are NOTHING compared to the ones we’ve been to” he laughed softly still continuing to speak on how life’s been and i just can’t help but ponder on how life would be had we stayed together, but also how great life has been for him, his life began when we broke up and it felt like mine just slowed down. i’m 21 still living with my parents, never went to college, not that im worried about that, but his life seems like a dream, and he’s living his dreams, all the shit he used to wish and dream about came true. i was still listening to him and picking up on what he was talking about and he wasn’t the same person anymore. something had changed but i couldn’t put my finger on it.

“enough about me, how’s life treating you, Tink?” he smiles at me softly.

“Tink?” i laughed softly at the use of the nickname he gave me when we were young and i dressed up at Tinkerbell for halloween one day in 4th grade for this stupid halloween costume competition we had in school. “surprised you remembered that honestly,” i chuckled softly “well, nothing much or nothing drastic changed, still living around here, working most my days, shopping on my days off, i mean i got promoted at work last month which is good” i let out a nervous laugh as my life wasn’t as exciting as his day to day life. “Jayla’s getting married and i’ve been helping her out and stuff, just with the small stuff, but umm yeah that’s about it” i let out a small sigh.

“oh my god, hows your mom and them doing? i’ve missed them, and god i miss your moms chicken pot pie, lord that woman knows how to bust it down in that kitchen” he chuckled.

“they’re alright, i’m sure their tired of me still being there but, they ain’t too bad, just them honestly nothings changed” i shrugged my shoulders and let a soft smile appear on my lips.

“you still staying with them?” he questioned cocking his head to the side “not that i’m judging or anything like that but i’m just curious”

i took a deep breath in before answering his question “uhh yeah, not ideally where i thought i’d be at but it’s not completely awful” i nervously chuckled.

“i mean that’s cool too, your parents have always been chill like that” he shrugged. that’s something i’ve always loved about chris, he never judged me or anyone. “bro i didn’t even tell you about i went to summer smash over the summer, dude it was amazing. so im friends with skies, which is still crazy to me, having that man’s number now, i went on stage with skies AGAIN, and Sam? dude that man is phenomenal, he’s just fucking amazing, oh and i went to the lyrical lemonade head quarters with matt and it was like one big full circle moment for me bruh, seeing all these people i used to listen to or have posters of and being in the head quarters of THE lyrical lemonade, oh my god Y/N, moving to LA was the best decision i’ve ever made for myself” he smiled exhaling some air from his chest.

my life couldn’t compare to that, i mean the most exciting thing i could tell him was about job and Jayla. i didn’t have many friends, at least not anymore, like my entire reputation here is knowing Chris and his brothers. the only thing i could do was just smile and nod. i was happy for him but the questions still ponder in my mind from time to time of where the fuck would life be if he HADN’T dumped me.

“so moral of the story life’s been treating you well huh?” my tone shifted slightly unintentionally, and i could tell chris picked up on that. i wasn’t envious of him or anything, no where close, but maybe it was the twist of the knife for me knowing he’s been going places and living his life to the fullest and i’m still right here in boston, still, after all this time.

“you good? you just went from like a 10 to a 5 real quick Tink?” he smiled at me softly.

“nah nah im good just- i had a long week at work that’s all” i sighed softly.

“okay well um, you got anything special going on? you seeing anyone?” he asked awkwardly. i could tell he knew something inside me shifted, i mean for god sake he’s known me since we were young, if he was still the same man as he was, we both knew he could read me like the back of his hand.

“long story short, no and FUCK no” i answered quickly and laughed.

“no one new around here catching your eye? or like you one of those girls who is like picky on who you date?” he shot me a playful smirk while shimming his shoulders in attempt to lighten the mood.

i swallowed the lump in my throat while deciding how to answer this question. it’s either i tell him he ruined my chances with people around here or i just tell him im too busy with work i don’t have time for that. “something like that” i say giving him a nervous laugh.

“okay im officially lost” he chuckled “which one is it Y/N” he shot me that signature smirk again.

“well” i sighed “i don’t wanna say the wrong thing or anything but-“ i sighed “a couple clips of you and tiktok’s of you talking about being afraid of women, and lip syncing about your past relationship and i don’t know what else anyway, they kinda was trending around the streets of boston because my reputation and my life apparently everyone knows i was the last woman you dated and now people are deathly afraid of doing anything other then hooking up with me…” i looked down at my lap fiddling with my fingers.

“shit” he whispers to himself “Y/N, you know i didn’t mean anything like that,”

“no no i get it, i just- it’s- you didn’t know, plus i mean like i care about what other people think of me anyway… just- i- fuck- don’t even worry about what i said, truly it doesn’t bug me, at all, like i really don’t care about people’s personas of me at all, i just thought maybe considering you were the one who dumped me and we ended things very very well and wasn’t nothing toxic, going on the internet talking the way you do about relationships and women, people assume i was the one who caused us to end things and seem like i fucked you over.” i sighed softly looking up at him as his expression changed, still fiddling with my sliver ring i had on my middle finger.

“oh” he shrugged it off “man i thought it was worse then that honestly” he chuckled softly.

i raised my eyebrow slightly in slight anger but also in disbelief, i mean this was the same man who used to threaten to punch anyone who looked at me and let alone even slightly hurt my feelings he would have their head on a platter? i mean i know we weren’t together but damn i really thought i meant more then just a shrug and a laugh “that’s all?”

“what do you mean?” he replied still smiling “i mean i thought you just straight up swore off dating or something, it ain’t nothin too crazy Tink”

“chris,” i scoffed “you do realize that whatever you’ve said about women or girlfriends or anything else of the such, people AUTOMATICALLY, assume it’s ME, weather you’re referencing some hookup or whatever you wanna call it, you don’t ever clarify anything, you make a joke and laugh it off, and clips will follow me everywhere i fucking go, to the point where i went on a ‘date’ like over a YEAR after we broke up and not even joking you, the dude straight up goes ‘oh yeah you dated that triplet dude’ and then later stated ‘you must have fucked him up good for him to be talking all that shit on you’ it follows me and men avoid me like the PLAGUE, like they think i’m a monster” my mood completely changed. chris just sat there listening like it didn’t bother him. it doesn’t bother me near as much as it used to but it’s something I’VE dealt with. what bothers me the most is the lack of empathy towards me.

“it’s really not that deep Y/N, both you and i know it’s not true, im not sure why you’re all upset about this” once again chris shrugged his shoulders and laughed it off.

“first off, i’m not upset anymore about it, it’s honestly whatever, but you do realize that you have a digital footprint, like videos of you at 17 are constantly still going around to this day, right? like even if it’s deleted there’s people out there who STILL have them, but, what i’m mad about is the fact that you literally dumped me, moved away, then went on with your life in LA, never thought twice on how sometimes the shit that comes out of your mouth on camera and in tiktoks and shit doesn’t affect you but people around you right? like it affected me, chris, like back in the day i was thuggin’ with you, we was living it up, i was clubbing with you, traveling, and now im nothing to you and you’re nothing to me” i sighed out of relief, like a weight just lifted off my chest.

“Y/N, that’s not true bro, you still mean a lot to me, but obviously we didn’t work out so we’re not together, im not sure the problem here” he says slouching back in the seat.

“i was in love with you, but you just ain’t who you used to be” i sighed “i don’t regret you, but i cannot forget you, but your acting like the entirety of our breakup was bad? like you’re genuinely acting like you didn’t just breakup with me because of distance” i scoffed and rolled my eyes at him.

“i’m not 17 anymore, of course i’ve changed, and honestly it’s for the better, 17 year old chris wore his heart on his sleeve, now i protect my peace” he shook his head and shrugged his shoulders once again.

“i want the old you back” i said shaking my head with an expression of disbelief and disgust upon my face. “i can’t fuck with your kind”

“my kind? i’m not an animal Y/N” he scoffed.

“never said you were christopher, im just saying i can’t fuck with this new you, you’re practically heartless now, i mean you wanna talk so much shit on matt for being this way but you’re fucking worse then him on this whole ‘tough kid’ act or whatever you wanna call this” i could tell i obviously pressed a button on him but at this point i could care less on how he feels, he acted like ruining my reputation around here was nothing, it’s nothing to him because it doesn’t affect him, it doesn’t matter how people perceive him because it doesn’t bother him bc it’s not following him around like a disease.

“it’s not an act, i’ve just learned how to not give a fuck, and honestly maybe you should try it, because according to you, i’ve changed but you haven’t changed one bit. you were the whole reason i got into so many fights in school, because all you did was whine about what people were saying about you and how they looked at you when you were with me or how other girls looked at me. all you did was bitch and worry, bitch and worry” he rolled his eyes and slouched in the chair further.

“whatever chris, obviously this wasn’t what i had in mind, but im glad it ended up like this because now i don’t have to worry anymore about how my life would be had we stayed together because i think i would have been miserable if i stayed with you, and you turned into whatever the fuck this was.” i say grabbing my purse and reaching for a 20 dollar bill to slam on the table for all the waters i bought while we never got around to actually ordering anything besides a couple drinks.

“real classy, Y/N, walk away like always” he slightly raised his voice as i walked out of the restaurant.

it pains me that the one man i truly loved turned out to be an absolute dick. the one man who i truly let the closet to me. my first everything. in just a few short years he turned into the person him and i used to make fun of together. time changes everything but i never thought it would change the basic human morals of people, i never thought that he would change so drastically into a person who would give no fucks on how his actions have affected a person he was closest to, besides his brothers. the chris i once knew was long gone, the boy i fell in love with freshman year was gone, the goofy, caring, overprotective, chris i once knew was never coming back, and for some reason, i was okay with that, all those questions i once had, the doubts, went away and my mind was at peace with it after all the years pondering i knew i never had to worry again. at least about him, my reputation still maintained the same but eventually in divine timing things would work out for me.

A/N p2: YALLL… WHAT WE THINK……. i personally fuck with this, it took me 2 days to write this because literally this story could have ended in so many ways, i mean smut, no smut, happy ending, none happy ending, but honestly if you listen to the song you’ll understand why i chose the ending!! BUT I LOVE YOU ALL SO SO MUCH AND I HOPE YOU GUYS HAVE AN AMAZING DAY AS ALWAYS!!!

Xoxo,

Gabs 💋

[traincat]

I know there's like 0 possibly of marvel ever letting Peter Parker officially be queer, but what about Johnny? Do you think it's possible that he could be confirmed as bi/pan at some point?

Johnny Storm exists in the weirdest canon sexuality grey area known to mankind. Is he constantly referred to as gay? Yeah. Is there evidence that several high profile Marvel creators think he's queer? Yes. Marjorie Liu confirmed that the intent in her run in Dark Wolverine was that there was a sexual relationship between him and Akihiro. Kurt Busiek retweeted an article I wrote that explicitly discussed the homosexual subtext of Johnny's character. Dan Slott reportedly wanted to write Johnny and Wyatt in a romantic relationship, which is believable if you look at the beginning of his run, but was told no. (Slott's written gay relationships before in Amazing Spider-Man, so I wouldn't find this so surprising.) And John Byrne wrote this:

(FF #251) John Byrne I desperately want to study you in a lab.

But is Johnny canonically anything but 100% straight? No, not officially. Marvel, the conglomerate, officially views Johnny as heterosexual, and if the Dan Slott thing is true even recently blocked an attempt at having Johnny come out. If this is true, it's most likely because of the new movie, because let's be honest, corporate Marvel does not care about Johnny Storm on the same level it cares about Spider-Man or the Punisher or Iron Man.

Because let's be honest. This goes deep. And it's been going on a long time. The above John Byrne panel is not the only example. There is a long-running thread of homophobic comments targeting Johnny running through 616 canon.

(Hulk vs Thing: Hard Knocks #3) "Light in the loafers" is slang for a gay man, for anyone who doesn't know.

(Dark Reign: Zodiac #2. I don't recommend reading this, by the way, not even if you're going deep down the Johnny Sexuality Well, but for the record Johnny, despite not being canonically gay, literally gets gaybashed in this comic.)

(FF #151) Does it get more blatant than a character named "Mahkizmo" referring to Johnny as "an effeminate"? Someone get me Gerry Conway on the phone, I need to know what he was thinking when he wrote this. (I know what Gerry Conway was thinking because Gerry Conway is a very good and very intentional writer.)

Then there's Ben's repeated teasing about Johnny's "crush" on Spider-Man, referring to them as "love boids" and so on. This is friendlier than the above comments, but then, if we assume Johnny is queer, Ben would know about it. He certainly knew what was going on with Johnny and Akihiro.

(Daken: Dark Wolverine #4) "Got what he came for, right?" Real double entendre here, since "what he came for" is both a weapon from Reed and, clearly, sex with Johnny.

The posing here is not subtle, even before you factor in that Marjorie Liu, who co-wrote this series along with Daniel Way, confirmed on social media that the relationship was meant to be read as sexual. (So you can probably add Way to the list of writers who think Johnny is queer, too.)

In fact, I'd say that Liu and Way depict the whole family as knowing about Johnny's sexuality and about the relationship.

(Daken: Dark Wolverine #4)

So if Johnny is in the closet, the way this issue frames it, he's only in the closet to the public. He's not in the closet to his family.

(Deadline #1) "All right, Storm, who were you with last night: Britney? Christina? Eminem?" in reference to Johnny getting caught "with a bottle in one hand and a blonde in another." So he's not doing a great job on that front, either.

Then there's Johnny's tendency, despite the perception of him as a womanizer, to look incredibly uncomfortable when he's kissed by a woman -- even a woman he purportedly has romantic interests in. Take, for example, the following panels:

(FF #562) He certainly is just standing there while Psionics, his one-time bad girl fling, kisses him and invites him to come see her again. Which he doesn't do, by the way. The next time he sees Psionics, she'll kill his close family friend Alyssa Moy right in front of him. Great!

(FF #259) Literally running away from Sharon Selleck. Now, we can say that he just wasn't attracted to her, which is true -- he was very ardently pursuing her roommate, Julie DeAngelo. Except.

(FF #263) That's certainly some kind of posture when she kisses him, and of course as soon as she kisses him, he's "over her."

There's more examples of this, too, where Johnny has a pre-existing connection with a woman only for him to completely freeze up or lean away from her when he's kissed, with no follow through on his part. (This is part of the reason I personally headcanon him as gay and not bi, but that's besides the point.) And it's a totally separate issue from the other longrunning thread of him being kissed as a form of assault. Which also happens. Like a lot. "Johnny Storm" and "consent issues" are basically synonymous at this point, which again is really interesting if we're looking at this from the perspective of Johnny and sexuality, since most of these incidents involve women as the perpetrators.

(Most. Not all. Dark Reign: Zodiac definitely implies some things, and I think it's interesting that Akihiro initiates his connection to the Fantastic Four by shooting Johnny through the thigh with an arrow.)

I've mentioned this before, but again, for a character who has the reputation that Johnny has developed, both in and out of universe, it is deeply bizarre that he does not have sex scenes. He doesn't have them. Peter Parker has sex scenes. Kinky sex scenes! There is zero doubt in my mind that that Peter Parker is attracted to women. I can't even show you Johnny Storm having vanilla missionary honeymoon lovemaking that fades to black. Whenever they want to show you he's had sex, it is always in the aftermath, and he is rarely having a great time about it. What's up with that, Marvel! I know, but do you!

Then there's Unstable Molecules: Fantastic Four, which exists in a metatextual area -- it's a fictionalized account of the "real people" who inspired the Fantastic Four, the story of four people rapidly barreling towards a disastrous dinner party that would be witnessed by two comic book creators. And it's Johnny is definitely queer.

(Unstable Molecules #3) "Johnny, it is the fiery night, and you are a holy flaming flower." The extras for Unstable Molecules even include a love poem written by the beatnik who calls him "a holy flaming flower" that is definitely supposed to be about Johnny.

So that's the grey area. You have all of this content that either implies or occasionally outright states that Johnny is not straight. But according to Marvel, the actual publisher and company, Johnny is straight. Personally, I don't like saying things are canon if they aren't explicitly 100% confirmed canon, but the wealth of evidence here is so substantial that I make an exception. It's just a matter of when Marvel the actual company is going to admit it.

(Fantastic Four: Marvel Snapshots #1)

[zany-lil-detective]

Since I made my post about my strong feelings about Buck and Chimney being parallels, I figure I may as well make a post about my equally strong feelings about how Maddie and Eddie parallel each other and that I, like many other 911 fans, would kill for a good Eddie and Maddie scene. And yeah, obviously we all want a scene about them discussing Buck, but I also kinda just want them bonding over similar experiences like I want for Buck and Chimney.

To begin with, they're both older siblings who were forced to grow up too fast and basically raised their younger sibling(s); Eddie we know was expected to be "the man of the house" and Maddie kept Buck alive for the first few years of his life or more less.

The obvious connection is that they both have a long history of running either as a way to fix their problems or to escape them. Maddie ran from home to Boston with Doug, ran from Doug to LA to get away from him, and ran from Chimney and Jee-yun when her post partum got really bad. Eddie ran from his first marriage and family by joining the army, ran (arguably) from Texas to LA, ran from the 118 to dispatch when Chris was scared for his safety and he was having his mental health crisis, and has ran from almost every romantic relationship he's ever had. They also have their own PTSD issues, Eddie with his from being in the army and Maddie from her abusive marriage.

Circling back to their families though, there's also the element that Maddie and Eddie are both heavily judged by their parents and lacked their support. Not just in the growing up sense -though still very much that- but that fact that instead of trying to help Eddie with Chris his parents tried to take him away, and instead of trying to help Maddie get out of her abusive marriage to a man they disliked the Buckley's cut her off and ignored her. And, of course, both their parents make digs about their marriages after the fact.

I feel like the Maddie running from Jee-yun because she was scared of being a bad mother and scarring her daughter for life and Eddie running from Shannon and Chrisopher is such an interesting comparison. Their fear of not being good enough as parents, which is being reflected in Eddie's whole return to Texas arc, is a really interesting parallel that I want to see them discuss and like support each other in. Cause, like, no one understands the feeling of not feeling like you're good enough to take care of your kid after accidentally hurting them more than Maddie Buckley-Han.

Building off that, I feel like Maddie got her own little choosing joy arc when she decided to date Chimney after leaving Doug, and again after Doug's death. She was absolutely making the choice to be happy instead living in fear of getting into another abusive relationship.

And outside of the sadder aspects of their similarities, there are also the brighter aspects too. Despite their mental health issues and past regretful decisions, they're both such happy and honestly really goofy people who care so very deeply for everyone around them. They both have a guarded streak a mile wide, but once that's down you're kinda in for life.

I genuinely feel the fanfic dynamic of Eddie and Maddie having a quiet wine night in while Buck and Chimney are off doing insane, goofball stuff is so real and tangible if the writers just put it in. There's such an untapped well with these four characters interacting amongst each other that I really want to see onscreen and absolutely thrive off reading in fanfic.

[imarson404]

Maybe a hot take but I PERSONALLY don’t buy into the whole ‘Wammy’s house was a child detective puppy farm’ idea. Mainly because we aren’t told nearly enough about Wammy’s house outside of that one scene with near and Mello (thanks ohba and obata 😐) but also because a lot the stuff that we do see doesnt really give me that impression? Strictly speaking with the main anime/manga you have the existence of Matt and Linda right off the bat. Matt first of all because hes said to be the 3rd best at Wammy’s house, 3rd in line it be L , and yet hes fine to just… say nah, I don’t feel like it? He never really seems all that pressed tbh imo. And as for Linda, we know that she’s an exceptionally talented artist who is in multiple galleries across England, and Wammy’s appears to have facilitated that. She wasn’t grabbed off the streets as an orphan and forced to become a child detective. It doesn’t seem like any of them were. What Matt and Linda seem to show us is that none of them were ever forced to be detectives or the next L or whatever, it was just an option. (Once again, from my perspective in the animanga purely) The core of Mello’s very personality is to be competitive, of course he went for it. Near was exceptionally smart and good at puzzles in the same way that L was. In the one scene taking place at Wammy’s in the anime, it’s clear that Roger really didn’t want them to do this alone. He tried to hold back from telling them that L didn’t pick (cough cough because he knew Mello’s inferiority complex would lead him to believe that meant he had lost) and tried to convince them to work to whether before Mello stormed off alone. Not downplaying the fact that a 14 year old was able to storm off alone but the fact is that we DONT KNOW what happened after that. Theres so much context that we don’t know. Discussing other canons, the L files tells us outright that L WASNT FORCED TO BE A CHILD SLAVE DETECTIVE BY WATARI THE MOMENT HE WAS BROUGHT IN. He just solved puzzled and went on his computer until he was 14, at which point he found ‘something more interesting than any puzzle he’d ever solved’ and moved on to crimes. Again, not to take away from the dubious ethics of a 14 year old solving crimes but it isnt like Watari sat his 8 year old ass in front of a dead body and told him to figure it out. And the (dubiously canon adjacent?) LCtW also suggests that Wammy’s house was a place that facilitated genii of all types, not just the crime solving ones, for example the biochemist (i think) K. Now facing LABB. I can absolutely see why people look to this as definitive proof that Wammy’s house is evil, especially with what Mello talks about regarding ‘Watari wanting backups’ and A’s suicide. Those are both valid points which are very bad. My issue here is just that whats written in LABB doesnt always match up with other canons (theres also the whole issue of Mello being a potentially unreliable narrator but that’s an entirely different matter). For example, it claims that ‘when Wammy’s house was first founded Watari was experimenting with making new L’s’ which doesnt line up with L being taken to Wammy’s house in the manga and anime and basically every other canon, where Wammy’s precedes L. Even Dn 13, which takes LABB as canon in its timeline, also includes the L files which shows baby L being taken to Wammy’s and eventually discovering detective work. overall it’s all about weighing one canon against the over and making your on conclusions, and I prefer to believe in the canons which suggest that while it was flawed, Wammy’s house was not an actively evil child detective factory with an evil overlord running it. now, everything I’ve just said is MY PERSPECTIVE. I’m not bashing anyone for believing any which way, I really don’t care. I just felt like explaining my point of view on my blog (because I like compiling evidence and putting forwards an argument bc I find it fun. Yes I did like debates in class how could you tell

[mammoth-clangen]

(Hi, i need to rant to someone who knows more than me on the topic of the de-extinction of mammoths. Apologies to your inbox and you for the wall.)

in my opinion, for mammoths, it's also vital to remember how unfortunately inbred their last living population was. If humans hadn't killed them, they'd have all died of inbreeding. They were stuck on an island, the only extant population left, and honestly, probably on their way to if not already suffering from low food supplies, assuming they had few or no natural predators there. Plus, I'm pretty certain we have at least one specimen from there, and to my knowledge, we can't exactly test how inbred it is without other direct relatives... while yes, a few cases of inbreeding would be relatively harmless to a population, rampant inbreeding is bad for a reason.

I don't think any species should be revived - even if there was somehow a good reason to - unless we can clearly and consistently prevent unhealthy amounts of incest from occurring down the line. Something which, as you pointed out, likely can't be done with "dire wolves" or mammoths.

These scientists are playing with fire, and all they're going to do is make everything worse. The very definition of "so determined to see if you could, you forgot to stop to see if you should."

You make a very good point about the mammoths towards the end, they were indeed, very inbred. The cervical rib thing is interesting to me in particular because I have cervical ribs too, lolol

That being said...

The last surviving refuge population, the Wrangel Island Mammoths, were actually were doing surprisingly well before humans showed up! This is surprising, especially given what we know about animals such as Cheetah, with very reduced genetic diversity.

But it seems the Wrangel Island population, small as it was, had found a sort of 'genetic and environmental equilibrium' that lasted 200+ generations. They were living long-term as a whole population with inbreeding depression until their extinction ~4000 years ago, at the hands of humans. Major deleterious gene mutations were apparently "purged" rather than accumulating, though why, I'm not certain.

Really strange and interesting stuff!

However, the severe inbreeding in the last mammoths is still important in discussions of de extinction.

It shows what happens when, as we both mentioned, a species' numbers drop below the minimum survivable population. "Severely reduced heterozygosity" is the scientific term for "both copies of everyone's genes are the same." It leaves them vulnerable to disease, and much less able to adapt to changes as a population.

Refugia of extinct species like Wrangel Island are fascinating, but unless they can repopulate outside their refuge, they typically don't last. It's only a matter of time before something novel to the environment, such as predators or disease, wipes the rest of them out.

Quick clarification about inbred mammoth genomes in cloning

It's important to remember that the ice sheets have come and gone across the Northern Hemisphere for hundreds of thousands of years. Mammoths lived and died among them for much of that time. Thus, any intact genomes we find would likely be from different times in their range; not all from at the time of their extinction!

Here's a couple of examples of mammoth DNA sequenced from:

52,000 year old Woolly Mammoth skin.

Three Siberian mammoth specimens dating to the Early and Middle Pleistocene subepochs, two of which are more than one million years old!

So what I'm saying is, we actually could sequence a fair number of non-inbred mammoths. And we should! Learning about their genetics is fascinating, and tells the story of their lives throughout their existence as a species!

Does this mean we should clone/GMO mammoths using those sequenced genomes?

It's still a Hard No from me, for the other reasons mentioned here.

Additionally, whatever was happening on Wrangel Island, I doubt we would be able to replicate it well enough to stop inbreeding depression in resurrected mammoths.

Like the bucardo, I think any de extinct mammoths would unfortunately be crawling towards a second extinction.

---

Sorry to mildly rebuttal you there; I just think it's important not to spread misinformation, regardless if it supports your viewpoint c:

And thanks for giving me a chance to ramble about those funny island proboscideans!

In a world where endangered species are constantly at risk of genetic drift and inbreeding depression, the Wrangel Island mammoths are a bizarre case that I don't expect most people to know about XD

Image taken from the Wrangel Island paper.

[maladaptivedaydreamerlala]

This is gonna piss some people off but I’m going to say it

The most toxic fandom I have every encountered is the Grishaverse: specifically the Six of Crows fandom

I am a die heart fan of the Grishaverse books. I admittedly enjoy shadow and bone more than the six of crows duology but when I first t read those books I was consumed.

I loved the characters the storyline everything. I loved both and I didn’t see the problem in that. I enjoyed the fandom for a while but everywhere I went people were always pitting characters and books against eachother.

I understand that for a large part people enjoy the duology more I get that. It’s more popular and more widely enjoyed and I have no problem with that, I enjoy those books as well.

But for some reason the duology fans shove it down the fandoms throats. The amount of hate and mock towards the grisha trilogy took me back. People saying how poorly written and awful they are (which I have analyzed this text to death and it is both true and false, every argument has its points and the same can be said for six of crows - but their usually not talking about actual analysis they just don’t enjoy the plot as much)

However the degree it was shit on made me feel guilty for liking it, I thought that I was wrong for enjoying it, and while yes the plot and world may not be as coherent, it does still have very good writing, and the duology suffers from similar problems.

But the amount that the fandom hates on all of the characters!!! It’s insane.

Not only that but people being like “it’s so boring it’s awful I hate it.” You have your opinion you can express it I understand this but when there are literally people who dnfs the first book and then try to go argue with people about the storylines and characters about who they are. NO you don’t get to do that. You have Tory option to a degree but at some point it becomes house.

The amount of sheer hate for the characters and ships and the fans of those characters and ships is actually insane! I’ve seen death threats against Darklina fans. Like what the actual fuck.

As for fans of the main trilogy is a 50/50. I would say a predominant part of the fandom is either pro darkling or Darklina, or they love the books but are also accepting of it faults - like me.

I actually can’t remember the last time I saw someone post something about likening l Mal or that Alina had a happy ending or anything positive from a different point of view. Everytime someone with a conflicting view point posts something it’s never a positive it’s always just saying how “wrong” that side of the fandom is or how “toxic” they are or just hating and tearing them down.

(I feel like most the people who did enjoy the main trilogy and it on this side of the view have now focused on the RoW duology because it’s more accepted to like it and everything been so retconned)

But back to SoC fans the absolute god-complex-ego the fans of this duology have about these books and its characters are insane.

And honestly it makes me sad because it’s made me enjoy the books and characters less.

I really loved them and now everytime I see anything about them it just leaves me anxious with a bad taste in my mouth.

Everyone is entitled to their own opinions. Fandoms are a place where all people who enjoy something can come together and discuss it. Whether you have varying views is irrelevant. But the key point is that you enjoy it.

I have to keep this in mind whenever I’m in a fandom and I see someone post something that I incredibly disagree with. And I have a habit of loving unpopular characters so I see a lot of hate in the fandoms for them. I remember that this is their option and I have my own.

I’m not trying to say if you dislike something you can’t or shouldn’t talk about it just that this is a really good example of how turned off people can become by a fandom. the gatekeeping, the toxic hate, again mostly from the crows fans but also from the grishaverse as a whole.

This is also NOT me hating on the SoC duology or is characters I like them I like the books I just have to separate them from the fandom which at times is hard.

I love the grishaverse, and admittedly i am a Darkling fan, I enjoy his character as I think its one of the best written ones in the Grishaverse.

The things told to me just for enjoying a book and a fictitious character and the things I see people say to others is absolutely horrifying.

as much as i enjoy these books (and am willing to admit their faults) their are very few people's posts I follow and read within the fandom because of this.

Again I know SO MANY people are gonna come after me for this post. Predominately the last three paragraphs but it is what it is - and it’s the truth.

[eveningspirit]

This. ALL OF THIS. Such good points.

Langdon's comment about drugs vs. breakdown isn't about them being equally bad. It's commentary - on both narrative and meta levels - about them being equally fucked up by the job. This discussion - this discussion - centers Langdon and Robby as individuals who have suffered harm from their workplace environment.

I allow myself to point this out--as sort of a summary of the whole post. But really, it is all worth reading. Even aside the ongoing discussion of 'Langdon vs. Robby', or 'how evil is Langdon'.

They are both fucked up by this job and this system that prioritizes profit over human life that they (and so many people in real world) dedicated their lives to protect.

Thank you for this meta.

So, if you characterize Langdon as ridiculous in The Pitt's Ep 15 confrontation with Robby by framing his response as, "Sure, I repeatedly stole drugs from the hospital and from patients, but you had a panic attack, so we are equally bad, so there!" - is it not clear how this trivializes what's going on with Robby?

Minimizing what happened to Robby as a silly little panic attack, tra-la, in an attempt to weaponize that scene against Langdon misses the point of a show focused on the PTSD, the ongoing trauma, and the continual demand to perform miracles in untenable conditions that healthcare workers face in the U.S. healthcare system. Robby is a hot fucking mess, and we watch the cracks get wider and wider through the course of a shift that starts with him going to get a co-worker off the roof while they crack jokes about suicidal ideation and ends with a co-worker coming to get him off the roof, coaxing him back from the literal and figurative edge. Everything he busts Langdon's ass for re: the way Langdon interacts with Santos is behavior that Robby, himself, displays toward co-workers (including Langdon) through the course of the shift. And it's Robby's perspective that we get to step into and out of as we watch him increasingly dissociate from reality as the shift goes on.

Langdon's comment about drugs vs. breakdown isn't about them being equally bad. It's commentary - on both narrative and meta levels - about them being equally fucked up by the job. This discussion - this discussion - centers Langdon and Robby as individuals who have suffered harm from their workplace environment. There's another conversation that could and should be had about the risk of harm to patients that each of them pose, but that is not what is happening right here. (Not even Robby is doing this here. In fact, Robby continues to see this through the lens of personal betrayal, making it about himself, and is only at this point taking the first baby steps to center Langdon in discussion about Langdon's own addiction.)

This conversation about the toll on healthcare workers as individuals, as people, is a vital conversation, in and of itself, even aside from getting into risk to patients. We should care about both Robby and Langdon - and by extension about the healthcare workers they represent - for themselves, not just as a risk-benefit analysis. They're people, not automatons who spit out treatment when you put your quarter in the hospital machine, and they deserve care and compassion and treatment for their problems just as much as any patient does. I feel like it's crucial that people understand - the conversation they're having, the kind of treatment regimen that Robby is laying out, it isn't about punishing Langdon for illegal, unethical behavior. It's not designed as a punitive program. It's about getting Langdon help for his addiction and getting him back on track, professionally as well as personally.

And here's the thing: Robby needs help for his PTSD just as much as Langdon needs help for his addiction, he is being harmed just as badly by his PTSD as Langdon is being harmed by his addiction, and Robby is just as resistant to admitting that he has a problem and getting help for it. Langdon isn't saying "Don't act like you're morally better than me," he's saying "Don't act like you're functional, either, because you're not." And like many, many of the things Langdon says through the course of the shift, the way he says it may be shitty - whether that's because he's naturally kind of an asshole or because it's part of his addict behavior - but that doesn't mean he's wrong. Robby isn't functional. We watch him be literally non-functional at various points during the shift. By some metrics - terrible, fucked-up metrics - Langdon is more functional than Robby, and it may be how he's gotten away with self-medicating for so long, because he keeps doing what needs to be done, pushing people through the system, through the ED, getting them treated and out, continuing to push the rock uphill, even at points when Robby is demonstrably paralyzed by his trauma, unable to keep moving, to keep doing, to keep treating patients and moving them on the conveyer belt toward admission or discharge, getting flattened under the rock rolling back over him, over and over.

I'm just. So tired of seeing people minimize his trauma as a way to score points off Langdon.

[littleshysheep-at-da]

Terribly Unpopular Persona Opinion here and I know I am in the minority with this but…

I’m actually cool with not getting a Persona 6 and instead having them just keep remaking all the older Games. Or if Persona in general just takes a break for a while. Like I like what we have and I don’t want them rushing things, we just polish what we have. Like you’ve seen what forcing Games out too fast does with Pokemon.

Especially with the fact that I felt P5R had a lot of good ideas but needed more time. I just want to take their time (insert joker spinning logo). Y’know?

[mulletmitsuya]

random tokrev rant ahead !!

when i first started this blog it was going to be for random shitposts, groupchats once in a while, and mostly tokrev analysis but i was so scared of discourse that i just chose to do the funnier stuff 😭. when tokrev was at it's peak i'd be reading 20k+ words of analysis and it was so fun!! but i felt like i couldn't word what i wanted to say properly so that discouraged me but i wish i'd ignored that because there would have been at least one person who understood what i was saying yk?

[discjude]

Yeah this is about right (as always my thoughts are in the tags so there's actually kei content there lmao)

[mummer]

they could never EVER neverrrrrr ever ever do this even ryan condal would never cede such an “iconic” setpiece & “memorable” dialogue and even if he wanted to HBO simply would not allow it but in my minds eye ideal hotd adaptation of the battle of the gods eye completely discards EVERYTHING supposedly recounted/editorialized in fire and blood no anime dialogue no ultra choreographed fight scene no cinematic beautiful shots of the dragons dancing no leaping from dragon to dragon its actually like incredibly fast and loud and incomprehensible to the audience just beasts colliding and ripping each other apart dirt and blood and horrific and disgusting and ultimately super SUPER pathetic ❤️ daemon and aemond dont get to make any epic last stands theres no glorious blaze out, no chilling last words, no grand narrative, in the end it really is just two men thudding to the bottom of a lake and getting eaten by fish. make the craziest climax in the world an anticlimax. ultimate antimoment

[aroaessidhe]

2024 reads / storygraph

This Ravenous Fate

start of a sapphic YA duology set in 1920s Harlem, in a world where reapers (vampires) are the result of horrific human experimentation

follows a reluctant heir to a powerful reaper-hunting family, who has just returned from paris

and her childhood best friend who she hasn’t seen since she was turned and almost killed her five years ago

in the wake of a string of murders, they’re forced to work together to find out how they’re linked, and investigate rumours of a cure

[vocacowboy]

Remembering the "creepypasta fansong" era of early English Vocaloid songs... Rugrats Theory, man.......

[prokopetz]

"But doesn't having a notion of 'balanced' combat inherently imply that all combat encounters are expected to be fair and winnable" well, no – it implies only that the GM has the ability to know whether a given combat encounter is fair and winnable.

There's a story that's been going around for decades about a Dungeons & Dragons party who encountered a large room full of treasure while exploring a dungeon. Immediately suspicious, they asked their GM a series of detailed questions about the room, but no obvious dangers were identified. Satisfied, they moved into the room – and were immediately set upon and eaten by the dragon that had been sitting atop the pile of treasure the whole time, which the GM hadn't mentioned because the players never specifically asked about the presence of living creatures within the room.

While this is obviously an extreme and ridiculous case, it illustrates an important point: as GM, you're the group's eyes and ears. If you don't describe something, the player characters literally can't see it – that dragon was effectively invisible from their perspective. The trick is that active malice isn't the only way to invisible-dragon your players; a group can also find themselves invisible-dragoned because the GM simply failed to provide sufficient information for the risk in question to be identified. This can happen through neglect, but it can also happen because the GM themself was unaware that the risk was present.

Now, hold on, you might be saying: the GM "plays" the entire world. How is it possible for the GM not to know that a risk is present? Well, that brings us back around to the subject of combat balance.

A game in which "balanced" combat is a meaningful thing to discuss is typically going to be one in which both the players and the GM are actually making strategic, tactical, and/or logistical decisions, rather than merely producing a description of their characters making such decisions. Without a good handle on the interplay of these decisions, it's completely possible for the GM to be wrong about the level of risk the scenario they've constructed entails.

That's actually pretty critical, because even if you don't care about the game being fair and winnable (and that's a perfectly valid stance), your players are still depending on you to be their eyes and ears, and to give them enough information to make good decisions about whether the fight in front of them is one they can win. A game where not every fight is expected to be winnable needs to be a game where the players have the opportunity to walk away.

No matter how objective you try to be, your own sense of the answer to that question is inevitably going to colour how you communicate about it. You being wrong about the level of risk at hand inherently increases the chance that your players will make bad choices. The party eating a TPK because they made a stupid decision is one thing; the party eating a TPK because they made a decision that looked reasonable from their perspective based on your unwitting miscommunication of the level of risk involved is quite another!

Sure, once the dice hit the table I'm probably going to realise that I fucked up, and I can adjust things on the fly to bring the level of risk that's actually present in line with the level of risk I communicated – but that's extra work I don't need with everything else that's on my plate. And that's a best-case scenario; if I'm running the game for a hardcore let-the-dice-fall-where-they-may group (and such groups tend to have a pretty significant overlap with groups that are cool with not every fight being winnable), I may not be able to adjust the fight's parameters on the fly without violating the social contract of the table.

Basically, whenever I see an OSR game with tactically crunchy combat brag about how its author never even thinks about "balance", what that's telling me is that running this game is going to create a whole lot of extra work for me as a GM. This is not a selling point.

[deikshen]

One day, Shen Qingqiu comes from the city with a little baby in his arms. He says: "His mother died during childbirth and I am taking care of him." He names the child Shen Yuan when he is old enough to give him a name, and the child grows up in Qing Jing.

Everyone, absolutely everyone, believes that Shen Qingqiu is the biological father of that child. Only have to LOOK at them both and see the resemblance: the same eyes, the same hair, the same facial structure, the same lips, even the same angry pout. Rumors - Shen Qingqiu had a child with a prostitute who died and now he is taking care of him!! - are open secrets.

Shen Qingqiu, as usual, ignores them. He cares for his little one, raising him with the closest thing other Peak Lords can call love. Impeccable robes, the best meals, the best early education. Shen Yuan grows up as a polite, gentle, kind-hearted, sweet-faced child. He frees insects before killing them, isn't afraid to dirty his robes if he must go after someone, and has an avid interest in beasts and monsters beyond comprehension. The Peak Lords jokingly think: this child has taken his father's face and surely the good heart of his mother, may she rest in peace.

When he comes of age, he doesn't even have to dig a hole to be chosen for Qing Jing Peak - everyone knows that Shen Qingqiu has already made a place for him there. However, Shen Yuan insists on doing it on his own! He wants to earn his place. The Peak Lords respect him for it, and there are various interests, but he still ends up in Qing Jing Peak.

And Shen Yuan becomes Shen Qingqiu's clear first disciple. He is a skilled scholar, excellent martial artist who is not afraid to tear someone rude with foul words, but with an almost natural disposition to be kind, sweet and gentle with those who deserve and require it.

It is then that Luo Binghe arrives at Qing Jing Peak.

The Peak Lords hear of the rumors and they spread them like pollen in spring: apparently there has been a HUGE discussion between Shen Qingqiu and his spoiled son! Something involving a child with water burns, a beating, and a woodshed. No one understands what happened, but a day later, Shen Yuan completely disappeared from the Cang Qiong Sect.

And he has taken a young disciple with him.

Shen Qingqiu begins to act as if he never had a son - as if his whole life has been all about him, hostile and unpleasant. His mood is worse than ever and his cruelty is undeniable. No one understands what has happened between father and son, but these are rumors that even if whispered, bring the very bad faces of Shen Qingqiu. And no one wants to be behind Shen Qingqiu's wrath when it is unleashed.

(Shen Yuan had transmigrated. Into a baby! Into Shen Qingqiu's son! Yes, indeed his memories had been gradually unlocked, thank god. It would have been so weird to be a baby with the mindset of an adult... And he had believed, for a long time, that perhaps Shen Qingqiu could change. That loving him and caring for him would make him better when Luo Binghe reached Cang Qiong.

Unfortunately, that was not the case.

So, Shen Qingqiu can hate him for this reason if he wants! But Shen Yuan has to leave there and take Luo Binghe with him. He will teach him cultivation and do everything to make him become a powerful cultivator before his demonic seal is unleashed, he will do everything possible to prevent him from the Endless Abyss, and will prevent Shen Qingqiu from being turned into a human stick.

Probably, a single night of punishment and humiliation wasn’t enough for Luo Binghe to want revenge so hard. Actually?? He just would save the lives of all his martial uncles and his father in the process to kindly educate Luo Binghe and make him as powerful yet happy as possible. They should thank him!! He's sacrificing himself, his comforts, and his reputation to save everyone's asses!!!)

...

(Although Shang Qinghua had wanted to give Shen Qingqiu a son - a magical pollen pregnancy between Yue Qingyuan and Shen Qingqiu, which Shen Qingqiu would NEVER tell Yue Qingyuan was his child until the very last moment - for the drama and secondary revenge and angst 7/9, that had been a damn draft!!! He didn't even get to develop the background of Yue Qingyuan and Shen Jiu!!! And now that son ran away with his Protagonist!? System, what's going on!? Why do HE make sure the Endless Abyss arc be completed!? He doesn't even fucking know where the protagonist is!!! System have mercy on AND HELP!!!)

[hylemorph]

Anna and Friedrich in Nosferatu (2024)

In a previous post I mentioned how important I think Friedrich is in the story as a representation of the patriarchal ideal, and how it/he crumbles when confronted by everything that has been suppressed in Ellen (manifested in the unavoidable, terrifying form of Orlok). I also think he is a mirror to Orlok in some ways: he says twice how he just cannot resist Anna, he subtly frames his desire for her as an unwilling "affliction." He also defiles Anna's body and his sacred marriage vows by engaging in necrophilia, because his appetite for her is so consuming - he can't resist her even when she's not even there anymore. Ellen's necrophilic act with Orlok represents her unification with the parts of herself that are suppressed/rejected by the men in her life, good and bad. It's dark and fucked up but metaphorically transformative, and consent is absolutely central. Friedrich's necrophilic act involves no consent, no Anna, and it lacks any metaphorical power. He didn't accomplish anything, he just succumbed to his own horror and amplified it.

Friedrich's unhealthy approach to his relationship with Anna consumes them both, and I think this theme is especially evident in the way Anna's pregnancy is discussed. Friedrich tells Thomas that they are expecting but doesn't want it mentioned in front of Anna or Ellen, probably because it wasn't supposed to be public yet. In victorian times people would rarely confirm a pregnancy before the woman was "showing" both because it was considered a private matter and because miscarriage was way more common. But Friedrich tells Thomas early anyways, because he is excited and proud, which is understandable but also selfish in this context. Furthermore, Anna says that "little Friedrich" is "very hungry, just like his father" and later on after Orlok has fed on her, she passes it off as feeling drained by the baby. Even though she seems happy and loves her family, she associates pregnancy with being drained.

This alienated way of understanding parenthood is also evident in the way Friedrich and Anna treat their girls (Louise and Clara I think?) They obviously both adore the girls, but they ignore their terror and assume the monster they see in their room is totally unrelated to all the other scary shit going on, because they're just silly little kids imagining things, right? One girl literally says "I can hear him breathing under my neck!" and they beg Anna not to leave them alone at night, but they are just hushed and told that they're totally safe. It's exactly the kind of dismissal Ellen has been getting her whole life, and so it's not surprising that the girls are haunted by Orlok before anyone else. It's not enough to adore little girls, they will never be safe until they are heard and believed.

Anna as a character apart from her role as wife and mother is a bit harder to parse out, but I think she is also a mirror for Ellen. Ellen's spiritual power is the catalyst for everything that happens, and von Franz says that "in heathen times you might have been a Priestess of Isis." Anna's spiritual inclination is less obvious, but it's there: she seriously listens to Ellen and believes that she is perceiving something real, she just assumes it must be God. Later when she lets Ellen stay with her for the night, she says "God is with us Lenny, I know it." On some level Anna is also in touch with that supernatural, suppressed feminine truth, and she seems to see through the patriarchal facade that Friedrich represents to some degree. But ultimately Anna wants to convince herself and Ellen that the night terrors were just caused by Thomas' absence, and that Ellen just needed her husband back and all would be well. When Thomas does return and Ellen has her faculties again, Anna is very eager to put it all behind them; 'no more talk of demons please, let's just focus on Christmas and being a happy family'. Anna's downfall is that she puts all her faith in the Christian patriarchal narrative even when she can clearly see that there's more going on. Her faith in the Christian God contrasts Ellen's "heathen" spirituality - both women have an innate spiritual sense, but one is more willing to make it fit into the values of their society. Ultimately Anna was consumed by the horror of their alienated position in society just like Ellen was, she just died with less agency.