#both for nostalgia reasons (i first heard it in middle/high school) and just because. i really fucking like it lmao

[marshmellowtea]

shout out to breathe carolina for The Song Lyric Ever with this absolute gem of a line from mistakes

i think the only thing that can come close to topping it is this lyric from the exact same song lmao

[jobebello]

Cardigan

Jobe Bellingham x reader

Summary : After transferring to a new school, you meet your one and only.

He’s the second, but also the last.

01

Y/n, an ordinary girl.

You always think your appearance isn’t particularly outstanding. You have a little short-sighted, but you hate to wear glasses, often squints, and Jobe knows it all.

“I especially hate to keep my hair long , and will cut it short as soon as it reaches my shoulder. “

In addition to being sentimental, nostalgia is your biggest problem that you willing to fix but you can’t.

"Why though? I think it's also suitable for you to have long hair." at that time, Jobe stroked your hair softly and asked.

"Hair grows over time, and cutting them off makes me feel like…I can let go of some memories. maybe it sounds stupid, but I want to leave them where they belong, and keep moving on, because I know exactly I'm a person who can easily get stuck in the past."

When you recalls the past, Jobe stares at your eyes, they are deep and blue, like an ocean, once you dive in you’ll be unable to get out.

He cherished and appreciatively listens to every word you say to him.

"sometimes you can’t keep every one that passes your life, even you want them to stay. “

Jobe knows your past very well. He knew that your parents were divorced and now you live with your father, he also knew that you’d suffered from depression when you were in middle school, and what happened in the first and second years of high school before you transferred.

You’ve fell in love with a guy before, your first love. After broke up with him, your world falls apart, life started becoming gloomy.

In your heart, it’s always raining.

Jobe doesn’t mind at all. He takes his steps, stable and calmly try to get close to you.

02

“Jobe, can I ask something?"

“Sure.”

“Why do you like me?”

nervous about his answer, your heart beat starts losing control.

"why do you ask that?"

Fortunately, it seems like it’s not a big deal to him.

"Well…..I'm more fragile than other girls, very nostalgic, always with a bitter face, a major weeper as well, my mood is always wavering. I’m not good enough, I’m unstable, I’m not perfect—”

You lowered your head and clasped your fingertips, "Where does a girl with a lot of baggage attracts you?"

You were asking, but only remember at the moment, Jobe gently touched the top of your head.

“You dummy.”

he talks so softly, his touch just like a feather.

“there’s no certain reason. I like you because it’s you”

He said so. Later, in a trance, you heard Jobe took a deep breath.

"Nothing you've said is enough to stop me from liking you. So please remember, when you hate yourself, I'm here. I like who you are, and it won’t change. "

.

.

.

“Even if you want to me quit you. ”

03

After graduating from high school, you and Jobe were not admitted to the same university. Although you two were not far apart, but it would take at least few hours to take the train.

Jobe said it’s fine that two of you don’t necessarily have to be in the same school, he hopes that you will pursue what you long for, and he doesn’t want you to be hindered by him.

He also said that ‘distance creates closer bond’, which makes both of you cherish the time you can spend with each other more.

"I believe in you and I believe in us, so even if we are not near by each other, the relationship will still be solid, trust me."

Jobe is a very gentle and considerate person, he has almost never quarreled with you, always very rational even when he disagrees with your opinion, he never starts a fight and won’t stop giving you what you deserve.

You two only see each other once a week, but talk on the phone every day.

One time, you heard Jobe asks about the guy who broke your heart before on the other end of the phone.

you replied:

"It is impossible to forget him, he’s the first one who loves me without hesitation. Jobe, you are the second. "

You turned on the hands-free and laid your phone flat on the pillow, as if Jobe was lying next to you and talking to you.

"yeah, I’m the second, and I’ll be the last."

As Jobe spoke, you seemed to feel him lightly attach a kiss to your cheek.

“I’m dying to be your last.”

04

After graduating from university, you began to grow a long hair, because Jobe is always by your side, you started feels that nostalgia is no longer a bad thing.

You want to save all the memories while being with Jobe.

He tolerated your vulnerability, accepted all your past, and endured all your temper.

Knowing that you are just an ordinary girl, but still loves every part of you.

You never thought that you could be qualified to be loved by someone like Jobe.

"Thank you for making me love myself again."

You remember the song went like this:

"and when I felt like I was an old cardigan under someone's bed, you put me on and say I was your favorite."

In the simple tune, there are more soft and tenacious voice embellishments, just like the love between you and Jobe.

Maybe It's plain, but it's definitely profoundly memorable.

/

Thank you all, English is not my first language so if there’s anything wrong about grammar or sth just ignore it 😫🫶🏻

#jobebellingham #jobebellingham x readers #judebellingham #fanfic #jobe bellingham #jude bellingham

[stopeatingwhales]

the 1995 brits x damon albarn & liam gallagher

hhhiiii I'm here with a very cute little fic about the brits!! the idea of writing something with Damon and liam fighting over someone was requested quite a long time ago (sorry it’s taken so long omg) but I loved the idea!! I do hope you all enjoy it as I enjoyed writing it a lot hahah xx

Pairing: 90s damon albarn & 90s liam gallagher x reader

Warnings: nothing, just a little bit of bickering n dat

Word count: 3.057

Requested by anon x

༉‧₊˚✧

Being a part of the madness that adapted the name ‘Britpop’ was truly an experience. Paparazzi at every corner you turn, equipped with the brightest, flashiest cameras, also having the most annoying click noises to the point that after one image you’ve earned yourself a migraine that would last the entirety of the day; parties that would last entire nights, bearing millions of different kinds of drugs - some that hadn’t even been given a name yet, but you’d still give a try anyways, since you’re so high and drunk that you simply lose the intellectual capability to construct decisions, you say fuck it, and get so high to the point that you’ve blacked out in a booth in a bar, with the owner asking you to get out since you’ve been inside for one too many hours after closing time; as well as constant press coverage. With your name plastered over literally every newspaper and music magazine known to man, as well as having your entire life consistently dictated for the entire nation to read about every Sunday morning and indulge themselves into as a form of entertainment, it was what being famous delivered, right on your doorstep at 7 in the morning. Any earlier and you’d feel rude not to give them a cup of tea as a form of dignity and respect towards their sublime dedication to the job. Although it was fun being associated with it all, my band in particular gaining a different form of calidity due to it being a female fronted band, by the time that the entire nation was hooked on this ‘Blur vs. Oasis’ rivalry, it was as if every other britpop band had been washed away from existence, due to eight boys arguing as to whom had the better music. And the better looks, according to Liam Gallagher.

Tonight was the night of the Brit awards, perhaps the most prestigious awards ceremony for music. To be awarded a Brit was probably the largest achievement possible in British music in the form of an award, and it was definitely either going tonight to either Blur or Oasis. The chances that another band, say Pulp, were to get the award, would not only be extremely amusing to see the reactions of the two biggest names in the Britpop game, but would also cause the largest uproar in the nation. It’s either Blur or Oasis. “Their drama is so silly,” laughed Emily, the guitarist in our band whilst flicking through the latest edition of the Sun, the cover of the newspaper being, of course, Liam Gallagher. “They’re literally bickering about who looks the best. How do people find this interesting?”

“Because of how silly it is, people never leave their secondary-school-like selves. Just a bit of fun I guess.” I replied, fixing up my hair in the mirror in front of me. We were currently getting ready to go to the award show, and needing to look your best was an expectation. Though I wasn’t dressed in anything that would result in jaw’s dropping, it was important that I at least appeared somewhat admirable - the entire nation always had their eyes on us, but tonight they were going to see us all, live. Perhaps the reason why bands like Oasis and Blur are so obsessed over nowadays, since all they’ll do is turn up in some flimsy Adidas t-shirt and call that fashion. I suppose scruffy was the new elegant.

“Who do you think they’ll give the award to?” she questioned, still aimlessly flicking through the recycled pages of the magazine. “I think Oasis. Their music is so much better than Blurs.”

“Really? I’d say Blur. They won on top of the pops, so the likelihood of them winning the Brit award is highly likely,” I answered, shuffling away from the strong reflection of myself towards Emily, my eyes quickly scanning the page that she had her eye on currently. “Gosh Liam’s so full of himself.”

“He’s got his eye on you, you know,” She said, shoving the paragraph she had just read in my face of Liam boasting about his little crush he had supposedly gained from watching our latest performance on top of the pops. “Thinks you’re ‘well fit’.”

Scoffing in response, I mumbled back to Emily. “If he thinks that he’s sleeping with me, he’s very deluded.”

By the time we had arrived at the venue, you weren’t able to walk into the entrance without at least 50 cameras blinding your eyes and the shouts of so many begging for you to quickly turn your head and grin - the price for the photo would reach the many thousands. Once walking in, it was less crowded, only having select people by the ground floor, dedicated for musicians and bands, with the occasional interviewer walking past to every circled table, adorned with white cloth and champagne glasses, asking questions about how they’re feeling, who they think may win, and what they thought of the music throughout the past year. What was nice was that people didn’t have that much interaction with one another, just with their groups. It created a sense of formality in the space, which made me feel a bit at ease from the idea of some random row happening in the middle of the floor, most likely between Liam and Damon. The past year in music was truly something. Britpop was at its peak the entirety of the year, with songs like Parklife and Supersonic pouring out of every radio station in Britain that by the end of the year, you had ditched casual radio music and began blasting the classical station. It was a nightmare. Since the fall of grunge subsequent to Cobain’s death the previous year, the talk of any other genre in Britain apart from Britpop didn’t occur. It was as if we were living on this mystical island, miles away from any other music and culture, whilst adorning and obsessing over our own. What was nice about Britpop was that it was a pure celebration of English culture, whether it be a simple Sunday roast, or going to school, they all carried the same ambience of nostalgia and pride - also disregarding whichever band wrote what song.

“Free champagne… Yes please,” said Madeline, the secondary guitarist of the band, whilst heading to the first seat she could sit on, then quickly indulging herself with the first taste of the rich drink. “Oh my gosh it’s heavenly!”

Laughing at her reaction, the rest of the band took a seat around the table and took their first sips of the champagne, which we would all come to find to be indeed heavenly. Small talk was shared here and there with the rest of the group, but overall I stayed silent. In all honesty I found attending award shows was quite boring because if you didn’t end up getting an award, you would essentially be sitting there for two hours doing nothing. Even if you did win an award, it’s simply a minute of glory with the speakers blasting your music, and another minute of all eyes piercing into your soul as you make sentences about your gratitude towards those who had helped you along the way to earn such an achievement. I doubt anybody genuinely liked attending shows like these.

“The champagne is good, yet we don’t get enough for our table,” I complained, grasping my now empty champagne glass and waving it around in the air. “I’m gonna head to the bar to get a refill, anybody want anything?”

After receiving a handful of nos from the rest of the band, I took myself out of my seat and wandered over to the bar, which was empty, perhaps due to the venue not yet being completely filled with all the artists that were set to attend the night. “Just a refill of the champagne, please.” I asked politely, handing the bartender the used glass I had kept in my hand. Whilst waiting, I noticed that Damon was on the other side of the bar, who also didn’t notice me there, until he caught eyes with me.

A grin broke out on his face as I walked over to him. “You alright?” He asked me, quickly thanking the bartender for his drink and turning back to look at me. The height difference between us was evident, but it wasn’t the case of something so dramatic that he was the height of the empire state building and me, just a measly common tower in the city. He looked quite content, his hair scruffy yet neat, along with his outfit being just as I had assumed: a white shirt with jeans, a used pair of Adidas for shoes.

I smiled back at him and nodded. “Suppose you have high hopes for the award tonight.” I said, simultaneously receiving my refill of the beverage I had ordered, followed by my thanks. We stood adjacent, although there was enough distance between us to establish our relationship - mutual acquaintances whom had met every now and again, since they’ve both been dragged into this wormhole of madness. He was quite the opposite in comparison to his rivals, though he himself could be quite bothersome occasionally, he still had a grasp to what those may call sensibility.

“Oh well we’re better than them, aren’t we love?'' He chirped, his head now cocked to the side in a teasing manner. “I’ve heard that you’re rooting for us this year.” He added, a little smirk pasted on his face.

“Do you read every paper you see?” I questioned, my face turning away from him in slight embarrassment. Between us, there was no shared intention for a relationship to stem, though there was definitely a flirtatious tension that followed between us wherever we had met. Whether it be a random photoshoot for a magazine double-spread, or backstage at top of the pops, we always managed to share a chat with one another, and nothing else followed on from then. It was quite sad, because once you’ve established a connection between something you either both disagree or agree with in terms of societal views, something in the press, or life in general, you’re instantaneously cut off and asked to hop onto stage to record a meaningless three-minute performance with fake, plastic instruments which practically mean nothing.

“Well it was nice seeing someone else's face on the papers for once.” He replied, downing his drink, then ushering at the bartender for another. A thing that we both realised was that, between our conversations, we indirectly indicated that we were both there for each other, because we both had a complete understanding towards what may be happening to the other person. It was stressful being in the limelight constantly, and for someone who was the frontman of a band so large, with his face plastered on every magazine cover imaginable, things were bound to be stressful.

Sighing, I turned to face him again. Despite the fact that before I had the ability to respond, our conversation was cut short from a voice shouting my name from behind. “Well if it isn’t bloody Y/N.” the voice said, and from then I instantly knew it was Liam’s. Turning my face away from Damon’s, I locked eyes with Liam. As always, he was dressed in the usual: a parka, with casual jeans. Oh, and don’t forget the Adidas shoes. Even though he and Damon practically hated each other’s guts, they always seemed to have similar fashion senses, but I could never picture Damon in a parka. And I don’t think I even want to.

“How’ve you been love?” He asked, swinging his arm around my shoulder in a warm, but nonchalant manner. Me and Liam had a similar relationship to that of mine and Damons, simply just minusing the sentimentality of it. We were friends, and had come across each other at random parties, which opened the gateway for us to drink and get high together many a time. While he was quite the idiot, he was also a very fun guy to be around, but I knew Damon would never understand that. “And why’re you letting this twat chat to you?”

A laugh escaped Damon’s throat. “I think you’re the only twat here, Liam,” he began, a sigh leaving my mouth as I was trapped in a situation that I could only pray didn’t gain much traction from the rest of the attendees. “Me and Y/N are friends, don’t suppose we’re getting jealous are we?”

Liam’s grip on my shoulder tightened as I stared at his reaction to Damon. I felt quite small in this situation, due to me needing to tilt my head a good amount to properly look at Liam, and knowing if I left it would just erupt chaos and make it worse. “No need for me to be jealous when I know that she wouldn’t want to spend a minute with you in bed you bastard.”

“And you’re so sure about that are you?” Damon replied, amusement laced in his words. “Because you’ve totally spent a minute with her haven’t you?”

“Well I’ve got my arm around her haven’t I? And she’s not stopping me,” Liam argued back, a smirk entwined on his lips. Reaching for my hand, Liam grasped it lightly, then then brought it to his lips, kissing it, before holding it gently. Method of intimidation, perhaps, and though it was sweet, there was a time and place. And this was definitely neither the time, or place. “Who’s the jealous one now, eh?”

“The last I recall, she had hoped that we were winning this year, not you,” He boasted, moving the contents of his drink around whilst grasping it firmly. Whilst it would be something that would offend Liam, he was simply the type of person to not take criticism regardless of whomever it was coming from. I respected him for that. “So much so for a healthy relationship.” Damon mocked, staring into my eyes as a small laugh escaped my lips.

Granted that I had found the argument shared between the pair of them to be extremely silly, it was good entertainment as the time passed before the award show would begin. Watching them both, attempting to throw insults at one another, each one trying to cut a little deeper than the one previous, made me almost laugh at the both of them right there. “You know, it’s so silly that you both think you know me so well to think which one I’d pick from the both of you,” I said, detaching myself from Liam’s embrace and snatching my half-empty glass of champagne. “At this point, it’s neither of you.”

Walking back to my band’s designated table, I quietly took my seat as the show began. “Saw you chatting to Damon,” Emily whispered, raising her eyebrows. “Also saw you grinning like a madwoman.”

“Oh shut up you,” I replied, looking back at the bar to notice that both parties had left, assuming back to their places. “There’s nothing going on between me and Damon- Liam too in fact.”

~~~

As the ceremony went on, the boredom got to us. Even the amount of drinks I had didn’t entertain me, but what could we do, we were stuck in the middle of an award show celebrating music, even though I had largely doubted that the majority of those attending were enjoying themselves. I had no clue who the awards were going to be handed out to, and whether that somebody may be us in a category, but we all knew Blur were going to win something. Yes, Oasis had gained a lot of fame and had become one of the most famous bands in the music scene at the minute, but by the way things had gone for Blur after the release of Parklife, things only seemed to go further up from there. And that was only proven to be truthful, after Blur had left with four different awards.

After Blur had received their fourth award for best British group, we all knew that there was nothing left for Oasis. “They’ll get it all next year, they only debuted this year you know.” I said to the table, who were staring at the four smiley boys on stage as they trotted up to receive their award. I admired Damon as he said his speech, then also turning to look over at Liam, who looked quite evidently pissed off. He was practically drooling in anger from the sight brought to him at that particular moment, and I couldn’t blame him - their band hadn't gone home with one award that night, but neither had ours. “They’ve taken four awards home, isn’t that like, the most anybody has ever taken?”

“Indeed it is,” Madeline replied, taking a sip from her drink. “Must be a good year for them then, eh?”

As I watched the band leave the stage in absolute glee, I stared at Damon as he walked back to his designated seat for the short remainder of the evening. Despite the fact that my band had been sat in our seats the entire evening in complete boredom, just like Oasis and so many other acts that had been nominated for pointless awards, it would be a lie to say that I wasn’t proud of how far Blur as a whole had come and evolved through their music, and especially Damon. From beginning as young, bowl-cut boys only charting so far on top of the pops, to creating songs and melodies that could unite our entire nation, it was impressive.

Damon was the face of Britain at this very moment, and a very good looking one. Once I watched him sit down, he scanned the room for a while until he was able to find where I was sitting, which was parallel to his seat, merely a couple metres away. He connected eyes with me as soon as he found me, also accompanied with a small smirk painted on his expression as he raised his eyebrows and sent me a wink. I simply smiled back at him in response before turning away abruptly, disrupting the little moment we seemingly shared, and though I felt my heart flutter a little, he’s definitely not winning me that easily.

[atzsslut]

requested by @let-this-be-a-lesson from this, and this list.

chosen prompt(s) : 

#1 - “Is that my sweater?”

#11 - “If you were my boyfriend/girlfriend/partner, I’d probably never stop staring at you.”

pairing : bang chan x fem ! reader

genre : fluff 

warnings : long time best friends, very obvious crushing, kind of more than friends (unidentified relationship) to lovers, implied slow burn 

word count : 2.4k words

You promised to meet Chan almost an hour ago. 

The adrenaline coursed through your body as you ran out of the bathroom after a shower, which was relatively dangerous but you didn’t care, sprinting back to your room to get into some decent clothing. 

As you looked at yourself in the mirror, you almost punched it from the frustration. But you didn’t, of course, as if you didn’t have enough bad luck already.  

Are you that stupid to have fallen asleep on the couch? You thought to yourself. You were much too thankful that you already washed your hair in the morning, so it looked good enough now. 

As you dropped your towel, you swore that you’ve never grabbed such a mismatched set of underwear and bra before, but it didn’t matter. You’d opt yourself to become quicksilver if it was for Chan. 

Your hands let themselves skim through until your phone lit up on top of your cupboard and showed three notifications from the man himself. You froze in your spot reading the following messages. 

chan: okay :( if u insist [5:02 PM]

chan: but since u seem tired [5:03 PM]

chan: i’ll pick u up since i’m only 10 mins away [5:03 PM]

Your mind went back to when you had woken up to three missed calls from Chan, various texts asking if you were alright since you never missed a ‘hangout’. At least, that’s what you two always called your frequent meets. 

Your first instinct was to call him back, your voice rather nasally from the blocked nose you always got after sleeping. His kind voice kept replaying in your head;

“Chan, I’m so so sorry-”

“Oh, did you just wake up?”

“I.. yes. Yes I did. I’m so sorry, I fell asleep because I ran a million errands up until 3pm.”

“Hey, no. It’s okay. It’s not your fault. Do you want to move our hangout to some other day? I think I’m quite free this week.”

“No, no. I need to see you, honestly. My stress has piled up and it’ll be great to see you. You always cheer me up.”

“I try my best, Y/N. I’ll wait for you as long as you’d like. Go get ready!”

“Will do, Mr. Bang. Thank you so so much!”

The last thing you heard after the call ended was his farewell that was mixed in with his infectious laugh, and that was when you ran towards the shower to get the thin layer of sweat that always came after a nap in the living room.

Your fingers quickly typed away a ‘did god send u down to me as my angel or smthn THANK U BANG CHAN’ before going back to rushing to pick out a nicer outfit. 

Because of him willing to pick you up, you had an extra ten minutes to get ready but your mind was still blank from the adrenaline rush. You had picked yourself out a cream-coloured pleated skirt, but you had no idea what to pair it with until you saw a familiar black sweater pushed to the back of the drawer. 

You weren’t too sure why it was familiar to you, but it was nice enough for you to use with the skirt. For a reason you couldn’t pinpoint, it hugged your body well enough, but the area where you could see the stitch of the shoulders were clearly too broad for you, falling around the middle of your upper arms. 

Strange, you thought, I don’t remember buying this but it’s so comfortable. 

And just like he said, Chan was there in ten minutes, voice heard through your apartment intercom, asking you to come downstairs. Although you tried to ignore it, you were excited just from hearing his voice through that old system speaker. 

Taking the elevator down to the lobby, you smiled seeing the boy standing around, clearly waiting for you to come down, as he kept shifting his feet. 

It was music to his ears as well when he heard you call out his name. Although he would never admit it, or so he thinks, he swore that he heard a hymn whenever ‘Chan’ spilled from your lips. But he shook that away when he reached in for a side hug. 

“Hey you.” he said, “You look awfully fresh for someone who just woke up.”

“I work my magic.” you boasted, not wanting to admit the fuss you made for him. Since Chan was a bit taller than you, not by too much (which you teased him about, but he only let it be because it was you), you held onto him as well by slinging your arm around his waist. 

And as you both walked to the parking lot at the front, stuck together like two pieces of paper with a hefty amount of glue in the middle, that was when Chan stopped right in front of his car. 

You looked at him with concern, thinking that he’d probably left something inside, “Did you forget something?”  

He paused, looking at you with the face he’d make whenever Felix did something strange. That wasn’t new, but you felt flustered when he let you go and stood in front of you, arms crossed, eyes checking out your whole body. 

You looked at him strange, not understanding what he was doing. Your hand only clutched your bag strap harder, not understanding the situation. But before you could say anything, he cut you off. 

“Is that my sweater?”

And the realization hit you. 

A few months ago, Chan had gone to your place to spend some time with you after not getting to meet you for three weeks. But of course, the two of you did not look at the weather forecast when a rainstorm dawned over the whole of Seoul. 

You insisted that Chan should not be driving in this weather in fear of a accident, but he did have to get his car to the indoor parking lot incase it began to hail. However, once he had gotten back, the umbrella you had given him was soaked and so was he, the two of you getting into a hysterical laughing fit at the state he was in. 

In all seriousness, you did quickly get him out of the clothes he was wearing and washed them, shyly looking away when he directly began to take his shirt off in the living room until you yelled “Chan! I have a bathroom!”

However, as the night passed, after he slept in the same bed as you, finding his arm around your waist in the morning to which he quickly pulled away in surprise— he left with only his jeans and socks that had been dry cleaned. 

“Oh shit, this is your sweater!” you swore, the event having replayed itself in your forgetful mind, “I’ll clean it after this and give it back to you.”

“Oh, no. You look better in it than I do.” he complimented. 

In between your reminiscing, he had clicked the car key, making the vehicle make the familiar unlocking sound and flashing lights. Running over to your side, he opened the door for you. 

“M’lady.” he offered, 

“M’Chan.” you joked, only to laugh for a bit then go in with a murmured, “Sorry that was cheesy.” 

“It was!” he admitted, yelling so you could hear him through the car glass since you closed the door already. He did his little jog over to the drivers seat and went it rather smoothly, not that you were impressed by that. 

“So, arcade?” he asked, smiling when you nodded and tapped excitedly on his dashboard. 

Once again, in ten minutes, the two of you had reached the destination, quickly running out as if the both of you were six, and not in your early 20s. 

As you ran into building, fluorescent hitting your eyes with a familiar nostalgia coming alongside them, much too familiar from the high school days of you and Chan going to another arcade that was already closed down now. 

“So, what do you want to do first?” you asked, as if you didn’t guess the answer already. 

Chan looked forward, scanning the place more and finally seeing a row of big,  bulky, metal boxes that couldn’t be missed. He pointed at them, rather cutely to add, smiling down at you. 

You gave him an excited grin back, happy that you guessed right in your head. You walked ahead, pleased to hear him tread behind you at a faster pace to catch up with you.

Drawing back the curtain, the two of you went inside and swiped the arcade card that you had because of several trips that were forced by your auntie with your little cousins. Luckily, there was still money inside. 

The recognizable ‘twinkling’ sound of the photo booth rang in both your ears, opting you to choose the frame decor, etc. 

And as the screen showed both your faces, a robotic voice was heard through the same speakers at the sides of the booth, stating ‘please move more towards the centre, thank you’ 

But if anyone were to look inside, you and Chan were already considerably close, especially since the bench space wasn’t wide at all. But you side-eyed the boy, scooting closer to him as he did the same to you. 

You felt his arm squish against yours, feeling flustered at the sudden contact. 

“Can..uh..” he trailed, “Can I put my arm around you? I.. I think it’ll make the pictures look less awkward, don’t you think?”

“Y-yeah!” you responded a bit too enthusiastically. Clearing your throat, you gave him the gentle smile that he could never hate, “Yeah. Go ahead, Chan.”

He did as he asked. Unlike the playful hug that you two had shared in your apartment lobby, this one felt more intimate, especially when you saw the screen reflecting the two of you. 

You could feel his rings dig against his cotton sweater on your body, assuming now that it was yours, comfortable enough for you to feel secure— at home. Nevertheless, you always felt that Chan was your home. 

Your eyes fixated on the screen as you moved forward to press the red button that would soon make you both take simultaneous pictures together. 

We look good together, you thought to yourself, Wait what? Shut up. 

But why did this feel different? You two had taken hundreds of photos together, varied with ridiculous, attractive, and unnecessary ones. But you swallowed that wondering lump in your throat, quickly dismissing it as you posed with Chan for each one, your vision rather blurry for a reason you couldn’t pinpoint. 

And as the twelve clicks ended, Chan stood up first. You were quite upset about the absence of his embrace, but didn’t mind it when he smiled at you like he always did,

“Let’s see the pictures.” he held his hand out for you to take, which you graciously did, feeling the pit of your stomach drop as you, as per usual, questioned what your relationship with him was at this point. 

The two pairs of feet, albeit the both of you were wearing matching shoes on accident, met their way towards the printing area. Looking at the screen which read 99% complete, Chan heard the sound of the photo paper hit the stopper that avoided the prints from falling on the ground. 

He bent down and took it, showing it to you. Naturally, your arms went around his left bicep, hugging it to look closer. Chan sucked in his breath, knowing that if he was in a cartoon right now, his brown head of hair would be sticking up in all places as a silhouette of his heart pumped dramatically out of his chest. 

It was ironic, as most of your friends would say; it was ironic how you two hugged often but got shy whenever your hands would simpy graze, it was ironic how you two were so affectionate yet were so resistant, and it was very ironic that your ‘hangouts’ weren’t dates at this point. 

He watched as you pointed at his face from top to bottom, questioning, 

“You’re not even facing the camera in most of these! Stop looking at me and look at the lens next time. Do you want to retake these?”

Your question wasn’t too hard, but you didn’t understand why Chan looked at you with such solemn eyes, his eyebrows knitted together as if he was frustrated. But the look was soon replaced with one that held adoration, but that only increased your confusion. 

“I mean.. we don’t have to retake these, Chan. What do you want to do?” 

“If you were my girlfriend, I’d probably never stop staring at you.”

He didn’t know why he said that. Not a bone in his body was willing to let that out but his mind decided to play a little game of “thinking out loud”. The impulsivity of the statement made the two of your freeze in front of the photo booth.

But there was something that the both of you knew, something that neither of you wanted to admit. You had been friends for too long, had been too close for too long, but what was different now?

Why, after more than ten years of being best friends, was now the best time for you two to be together? 

But something resided within you, and in Chan as well. This was to atone for all the pain you two had experienced without one another. You and Chan always wondered why you’ve always loved, but never been in love truly. All this time, the person that was it from the start was right in front of your faces, but pent up denial never allowed it to happen. 

Until now. 

Somewhere, somehow, this was the universe’s way of telling you that today was that day. You woke up late, wore his sweater, and Chan had slipped up with his thoughts aloud. It made sense. 

So, you took a small step forward. 

It felt as if the gravity between your feet and floor was much heavier than before, especially watching Chan’s jaw clench out of nervousness, but you knew it was just you mustering up a ton of courage to finally ask, 

“Who’s stopping you from asking?” 

[yourmidnightlover]

also.. fluff 10 and smut 5 maybe 😌

i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again: i LOVE fake dating.

fluff #10: fake dating

smut #5: first time (a classic)

CW: cursing, unprotected penetrative sex, fingering, oral (fem receiving), virgin!spencer, leaning towards dom!reader but not explicitly mentioned. *let me know if i’ve missed anhthing*

he needed something. something to make him seem less loser-y. he needed you.

spencer reid’s high school reunion was right around the corner. said high school reunion had all of the kids who would make fun of him, pick on him. the ones that stripped him naked on a pole. now he was 26 and in the bau for the fbi. he was successful. he made his mark. he saved lives.

but he still didn’t have a significant other. he didn’t have someone to come home to. he would have to go to his high school reunion with the knowledge that everyone was still more successful than him in the relationship aspect because he didn’t have that special someone.

“kid,” morgan intervened, “don’t let something like that make you not go to the reunion. you’re successful now. you’re pretty boy. that alone will rub it in their faces.”

“i know but everyone’s probably in a relationship now. they might even have kids and a wife or husband. i just... i want to seem like something to them,” he placed the lid on his coffee cup and began walking with morgan back to his desk.

“then ask someone to go with you. i know a little someone who wouldn’t mind posing as your girlfriend for a few nights,” morgan nudged his shoulder.

“morgan,” he rolled his eyes. “you know who i actually want to go with, which means you also know that she won’t want to go with me,” he finished explaining.

“y/n?” morgan whispered. “the girl who’s been fawning over you since she got here? the new liaison that’s been here for over a year that you still haven’t asked out?”

spencer turned his face to look at you through your office window. you were busy filing through cases, your head down in focus as you bit your lower lip while concentrating. your hair was crowding your face, obstructing the view of the beauty spencer has become mesmerized by.

“reeiidd,” morgan sang mockingly. “that just proves my theory. ask her out already.”

“i don’t want to ruin things, morgan,” he sighed as he sat down at his desk. “i wouldn’t even know how to ask her. i’ve barely kissed a girl, let alone ask one out.”

“you don’t have to ask her out, really,” he sat atop his desk. “just mention the situation and say she was the first person that came to mind, flatter her.”

“morgan, drop it,” spencer hissed as the bau filled a bit more.

“just ask her to go with you,” he said a bit louder.

“ask who to go where?” your voice rang through his ears, he liked up to see morgan smirking.

“uhm ask...” he ran his mind for another answer besides the truth.

“i know when you’re trying to come up with a lie, spence,” you chuckled.

“fine,” he sighed. “i wanted to ask if you’d mind going to my high school reunion with me?” he couldn’t meet your eyes.

“oh sure! that sounds fun,” you agreed. “why were you so nervous to ask?”

“well, you see,” he cleared his throat. “everyone in my class has a significant other and i just wanted to seem a bit less like a loser.”

“spencer you aren’t a loser,” you said sympathetically. “you save lives on a daily basis, you’re crazy smart, you have the sweetest personality, and you’re gorgeous. there’s nothing loser-y about you.”

“re-really?” he asked.

“of course, really,” you nodded, placing a hand on his shoulder. “and if you’d want me to pose as your girlfriend i’d be more than honored,” you added with a chuckle.

“thank you, y/n,” he smiled. “it-it means a lot to me.”

“of course. but for now,” you motioned to the files in your hand, “it’s case time.”

-

after a couple of months had passed, the reunion was finally upon the two of you. spencer had insisted on paying for your ticket to vegas because ‘he got you into this mess in the first place.’

you and spencer had to reserve one hotel room - courtesy of the school reunion. they just so happened to decide to allow the two of you to share one bed. it was reasonable, and cost efficient.

as the two of you entered the room, you were surprisingly caught off guard with not only the one bed in the room, but also with how nice the hotel room was. out on the balcony there was a jacuzzi that was covered by an awning. when you looked in the bathroom, there was a rather large tub and a separate shower adjacent to it.

“wow,” you awed. “this place is really nice.”

“i didn’t expect this,” he added. “i guess they saved the money from my actual high school years.”

you plopped down in the center of the bed, sighing as the soft mattress curved around your back, “i could really get used to this.”

“yea, me too,” he took the time to gawk at you as you seemed so peaceful, lying on the bed. “we uhm,” he cleared his throat, “we should probably start getting ready for tonight.”

“alright,” you groaned, slowly sitting up to prepare for the evening.

-

walking into his old high school, spencer felt a wave of nostalgia mixed with bile rising in his throat. this place was absolute hell for him. he was teased, ridiculed, practically tortured for being special.

“hey,” you squeezed his arm, which yours was wrapped around. “you’ve got this, spence. you aren’t the same defenseless kid you were back then,” you stopped him in the middle of the hallway and placed your hands on his shoulders, gently massaging them. “you are a successful adult with an amazing job and friends to support you. plus, you have a really hot girlfriend by your side,” you both chuckled at that.

“thank you,” he took a deep breath. “thank you for being here.”

“it’s my honor,” you placed your arm in the crook of his once more. “shall we?”

“we shall,” he smiled as you entered the gymnasium of his old high school.

spencer tried his best to avoid any glances or possible stares. it was nerve wracking, being here with his previous bullies. granted, with you by his side he was far less worried.

you had found a group of people he used to hang out with. he was never close with people in high school, but these kids at least didn’t make fun of him. they were all proud to see that the former child prodigy is now using his gifts for the betterment of their country. you had even seen his old math teacher that took a liking for him many years ago.

“spencer?” he heard a very familiar, chill-inducing voice. he looked up to see none other than her.

alexa lisbon.

“spencer,” she chuckled. “it’s me, alexa.”

he felt your grip on him tighten, reasonably so since you knew about what had happened.

“h-hi,” he stuttered out.

alexa wasn’t as beautiful as she was in high school. it’s true what they say about those who peek in high school, he presumes.

“how’ve you been? i heard you work for the fbi now?” she placed a hand on his shoulder, which he resisted swatting away.

“yup. the behavioral analysis unit,” he looked at you before wrapping his arm around your shoulder. “i actually met her there, at work.”

“...her? are you two...?” she retracted her hand from his shoulder as you curled into his chest.

luckily, you two had already worked out the kinks of your “relationship.” where you met, first date, how long, everything was figured out.

“yes. for six months now, actually,” he smiled and looked down at you. “it’s been an amazing time with her. i wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world. i love you.”

“i love you too, sweetie,” you gave him a chaste peck on the cheek, noticing his blush once you retreated.

“well, that’s... nice,” she almost grimaced as she gazed over you. “how did he manage to get a girl like you?”

“like me?” you asked for clarification.

“y’know... beautiful?” she lent in towards you as if spencer wouldn’t be able to hear what she had said.

“excuse you?” you scoffed.

“you heard me,” she rolled her eyes.

“no, i heard you. i was just wanting to give you the chance to realize how incredibly dumb you sounded, but apparently you truly are just that. dumb,” you placed a hand on spencer’s chest protectively. “this is one of the strongest, smartest, and most brave men i’ve ever met. he protects our country every day by using his own intelligence, something you clearly lack. so next time you ever think about insulting him or me, i suggest you ask yourself whether or not your even deserving of talking to him.”

“i-i just-“

“just nothing,” you interrupted. “how about you go and annoy someone else with your lack of brain cells?” and she walked away with a roll of her eyes.

“i can’t believe her,” you scoffed, turning around to look directly at spencer.

“you uhm, you didn’t have to stand up for me like that,” he whispered.

“i wanted to,” you wrapped your arms around his torso. “she’s a bitch and it seemed like nobody has ever put her in her place. i’m glad i got the honor to do so,” you gloated.

“i know. but thank you,” he sighed, briefly looking over his shoulder. “i think she’s still looking.”

“do you trust me?” you placed your hands on the side of his face, drawing his attention to only you.

“always,” he nodded as you got on your tip-toes, gently pulling his face into your own.

he placed his hands hesitantly on your waist, helping to hoist you up to meet his own lips. it was better than he’d imagined - and boy, did he imagine this. you were gentle, and delicate but provided the passion that spencer shared with you, pulling his bottom lip between your own and gently nibbling it. he let one of his hands trail up your body, going to the back of your head to deepen the kiss. at this point, he had forgotten all about alexa and the other students at the reunion. it was just you and him.

“can we-“ you whispered softly to him, your forehead pressed against his, “can we get out of here?”

“please,” he breathed out as you grabbed his hand, pulling him back through the doors of the gymnasium to exit.

-

as soon as you opened the room, you were on each other. you nearly tore his jacket off of him as he worked on the dress you had worn. he wanted to take his time, to relish in this moment while it lasted, but his own eagerness betrayed him. he was far too excited to be able to slow down.

his hands roamed your body, pawing at the soft tissue of your breasts over your bra as you moaned into his mouth.

“take it off,” you sighed, allowing him to reach behind you and unclasp the clothing.

“fuck,” he awed upon seeing your bare chest, you giggled at his eagerness.

as he gawked at your chest, it was almost as if something had clicked in your mind. and he saw that it had.

“have you... done this before?” you asked, your hands moving down to his shoulders.

“like am i a... a virgin?” he bit his lower lip as he saw you nod. “... yes.”

it didn’t truly surprise you. he had never had a long term girlfriend, and as a child prodigy sex was probably pushed to the back burner.

“are you sure you want your first time to be with me? i’m pretty sure it’s supposed to be special,” you smiled half heartedly.

“of course i want to do it with you. was your first time special?” he rebutted, maybe he knew it wasn’t special ahead of time.

“you deserve for yours to be, though,” you tried to reason.

“it will be if it’s with you, please,” he let his hands trail to your waist as he gave you his best puppy dog eyes, pleading for you to keep going.

“and you’re sure?”

“so sure,” he whispered, smiling before connecting your lips once more.

you were content with that answer. he felt your hands wound in his hair once more, gently tugging at the locks to elicit a groan from spencer. you slowly pushed him back to sit on the bed and straddled his hips, his hands still firm on your waist. clearly, he still wasn’t sure if he was allowed to touch. placing your hands atop his, you trailed them to the front of your body, stopping them once they reached your breasts. he looked up at you with eyes seeking approval, which you granted in the form of a nod. he leisurely took one of them into his mouth, your head rolling back in pleasure from the feeling. his hand continued to work on the opposite side, tweaking the nipple when he took it between his teeth.

“so good to me, spence,” you praised from his lap, slowly grinding against his bulge to seek any form of relief.

you were both getting more and more eager as the time passed, evident by the groans and whimpers that left each other’s mouths. because if this, you ran your hand down his front and let it remain over the bulge before gently stroking it.

“y/n...” he murmured. “please, i-i need...”

“need what, baby?” you asked with a smile. “need my mouth on you? need inside of me? tell me, sweet boy.”

“anything,” he decided to go with. “i need anything.”

“how about i just...” you got off of him to remove your pants before looking back at the man sitting before you. “care to even the playing field?”

“ri-right,” he chuckled before standing up to undo his belt and throw his pants off, followed by unbuttoning his shirt.

“so fucking pretty,” you walked closer to him and slid off your panties. “do you think i’m pretty, too?”

“i-i- of course, i do,” he reached for your waist hesitantly, eyeing your now bare pussy, his nerves not getting the better of him.

“yea?” you straddled him once more but this time pushed his torso down so he was lying on the bed.

he felt your hand trace his bulge that was still trapped inside of his boxers. the light touch was enough for him to whimper. he wanted nothing more than to make you feel good, but he was too mesmerized by the feeling of you.

“morgan has a point when he calls you pretty boy,” your lips were now happily decorating his neck. “i’ve never met a man who i can confidently call pretty, yet here you are.”

“plea-please,” his hips bucked up before you reached inside of his boxers, pulling him out of the fabric.

“before we keep going,” you paused for a moment. “i have condoms in my bag, but i’m clean and on the pill if you’d want to...”

“... not wear one?” you nodded your head. “i’m clearly clean, too. and i just - i really want to feel you.”

“perfect,” you chuckled. “let me do the work, baby,” you sat up temporarily, placing his dick just below your center. “you feel that? how wet i am?”

“yes, god, yes. i feel it,” his hips bucking forward allowed his dick to rub between your folds.

“that’s from you, my sweet boy. all you,” you ground your hips against his member once more, sending his head flying back from the friction.

“please,” he breathed out with obvious frustration. “i-i won’t last long if you keep going.”

“alright, i’ve got you,” you finally rose your hips, reaching between the two of you so you could line him up with your entrance before slowly sinking down on him.

“oh my god,” he whimpered. “you’re-you’re so tight and wet and - god.”

“does this feel as good for you?” you asked as you stayed stationary on his lap, trying to let him soak in this experience as much as he could.

“probably better, if i’m being honest,” he let his hands grip your hips with a bruising touch, too eager to realize his own strength.

“i doubt that,” slowly, you rose your hips before dropping them back down.

spencer’s hands found their way up to your chest, gently pawing at them with fascination. his hips began to meet yours as you picked up the pace.

“fuck, it feels so good,” he cried out, placing one arm around your waist so he could fuck you from beneath.

“ditto, pretty boy,” you groaned as his hips picked up the pace. “so fucking eager, baby. you feel so good inside of me. cum whenever you need to, baby. i want you to cum inside me.”

“fuck - i’m gonna - i-i-“ his hips thrusted up one more time before spurts of his cum filled you up. “oh, fuck!”

“oh, you did so good, sweet boy,” you stroked his hair as he fucked his cum into you, trying to ride out his orgasm. “so, so good.”

you continued to rub his shoulders and stroke his hair as he came down from his high.

“you didn’t come,” he whispered against your chest.

“it’s alright. i still enjoyed myself,” you smiled at the sentiment. “sex isn’t always about coming. it’s also about the intimacy.”

“but i wanted you to come, too,” he nearly whined. “can i... can i make you feel good, too?”

“how do you wanna do that sweet boy?” you wanted to hear him say it, that much was obvious.

“you know,” he turned his head on your chest, placing a chaste kiss on your breast.

“do i?” you tugged gently at his hair to hear him whimper once more.

“please, can i...” he lowered his voice to a whisper, “perform oral on you?”

“oh, i love it when you talk dirty to me, doctor reid,” you sighed with a soft chuckle. “of course you can.”

you lifted yourself off of him before he slowly rolled you over, kissing his way down your body to meet with your center. he placed a soft kiss to your clit before licking a broad stroke up your slit, cleaning up the mess he made inside of you.

“fuck, good boy,” he moaned at the praise, wanting to hear more and more every day.

and he worked for the praise. he lapped at your center and sucked lightly on your clit, quickly building the tension inside of your stomach. once he entered his finger, unprompted, you questioned how experienced he truly was. he curled the finger inside of you expertly, trying to find your g-spot and successfully doing so. it was only a few stroked from inside of you and sucking on your clit for a few more seconds when you came on his fingers, tugging on his hair and digging your nails into his shoulder.

“fuck, spencer!” you moaned out, throwing your head back as he worked you through your own high.

once you had come down, it took pulling spencer up by his shoulders for him to let up on your pussy. that man might’ve been made to eat a girl out.

“you did so fucking good, spence,” you praised before connecting your lips, gently sucking on his tongue.

“that was...” he trailed off, trying to think of the right word to describe it. “it was enticing,” he settled on.

“yea?” you chuckled against his lips.

“yea,” he smiled back before sucking your bottom lip between his own. “thank you, for this.”

“thank you for trusting me with this,” your fingers twirled his locks between your fingers.

“i don’t know how this normally works but... i think i just really want to-i want to...” he squinted his eyebrows before ripping the bandaid off, not wanting to sound too squishy. “can we just cuddle? i think i need to feel close to you.”

“of course we can, spence,” you replied. “but first i need to pee. i refuse to get a uti,” you quickly got up and ran to the bathroom, returning later and finding him cuddled underneath the sheets, leaving space on the bed beside him for you.

once you had laid down, he laid his head on your still bare chest. he loved the closeness and intimacy being bare with you had, and he had never felt it before.

spencer knew he had chosen the right person to not only share his high school reunion with, but also share his first time with. perhaps you would be the first, and last.

[yume-fanfare]

Sakuragaoka Highschool’s Newspaper Extra: Interview

this is a translation of one of the short stories published for LIPxLIP’s birthday in japanese here. you can read the other one, starting line, here. this was translated from this spanish translation by mieltrabajos

Yamamoto Koudai went to the staff room after class. He was now the president of the journalism club, as the one before him had graduated, and he’d been called in by the club’s advisor, Akechi Saku. Koudai thought the talk would be about the school’s newspaper report on the school festival as it was supposed to be ready by December, but it turned out not to be the case. 

Mr. Akechi had said it nonchalantly, without looking up from his computer with a lollipop in his mouth. Koudai, however, was very confused.

“An interview…?”

Mr. Akechi nodded and then turned towards Koudai.

“Every now and then we have a section named Sakuragaoka’s Stars, don’t we?”

“Yes… well, there is one.”

They did have a section like that, introducing active students as stars. It wasn’t a bad project, but the... old-fashioned title was a bit cringy and people didn’t read it much. Well, the school’s newspaper as a whole wasn’t read much, people weren’t interested in it. They published it monthly and handed it over in the school festival, but not many people took them. Maybe if they didn’t publish information on all the school activities, they’d be able to cut down expenses next year. 

(I am lucky to be managing the school’s newspaper, journalism is the only school activity I’m interested in).

“Have you decided who it’ll be about this month?”

“No, I’m… still in the process of selection.”

He was thinking about the light music club, or maybe the drama one as they both were active during the school festival. Or maybe interview the students from the festival executive committee themselves. It could also be one of the swimming club members, as they were doing synchronized swimming even in the cold, or someone from the tea ceremony club who were doing something called “creative dancing tea ceremony”. December’s issue was going to be the last one of the year, so he wanted to end on a high note. There were lots of students he’d like to see.

“Would you like to interview my students, Shibasaki Aizou and Someya Yuujirou?”

Koudai stayed silent for a few seconds thinking about Mr. Akechi’s words.

“Wouldn’t that be hard?” he answered.

With just a few comments on those two’s appearance at the sports festival, that month’s issue had skyrocketed in popularity as their fans scrambled to get a copy. If Koudai got to interview them, the newspaper would be read everywhere.

But Shibasaki Aizou and Someya Yuujirou were professional idols. Interviewing them without getting through their office first would be a problem. That was why Koudai was unsure about being able to handle the project.

“They’re students of our school, so there should be no problem, right?”

“I’ll ask but… I’m not sure if they’ll cooperate.”

“That’s fine, Yamamoto.” Akechi smiled and offered him a lollipop, like always. “Please do it properly.”

“Ah…”

(He’s even telling me to do it right…)

Koudai excused himself out of the staff room, and twirled the lollipop in his hands.

“It’s so easy to say that…” he sighed.

But, did that mean he trusted Koudai as the club president? Mr. Akechi may look a bit eccentric, but he never said anything without a reason. Koudai couldn’t answer his “Will you be able to do this?” question with a no. He was determined to do it.

He put the candy in his pocket and pushed his glasses up.

“I want to do something really good…”

(If I got to interview those two, I want to make it a special issue, use big pages and highlight it. It’d be great if I could take a photo too).

“Is that really possible...?” Koudai brought a hand to his chin, deep in thought as he walked down the hallway.

He still wasn’t sure, and even if he didn’t have much hope, it may be possible. It was a very rewarding job for him, even if Mr. Akechi had put him between a rock and a hard place. If he managed to get it right it would be a fantastic opportunity to get more people to learn about the club.

(Where do those two go after school?)

He hadn’t heard anything about them being in clubs. Maybe they headed straight to work after class.

A voice interrupted his thoughts.

“Hey, Koudai!”

Shibasaki Ken was walking down the stairs. They were in the same class and together with Enomoto Kotarou, had been good friends since middle school. They usually called him Shibaken.

He looked like he was about to head home. Since he wasn’t in any clubs, he always wandered around after class.

“What are you doing? Club activities?”

“Something like that. Are you going back home, Shibaken?”

“Yeah. Kotarou is also doing activities, so I have no other choice.”

“And Takamizawa-san?”

Takamizawa Arisa, whom Ken was always running after, didn’t seem to be around either. She wasn’t in any clubs, like Ken, and Koudai had seen them going back home and spending breaks between classes together recently. However, that wasn’t the case today.

“Arisa-chan has intensive classes today,” Ken sighed, crossing his arms behind his head with a bored grimace. “Lately, everyone does.”

“You have a lot of free time. Why don’t you find a hobby or join a club?”

When they were in middle school Ken spent his time playing with girls, but he seemed to have lost interest in that. Now, he was really invested in Takamizawa Arisa. As a close friend of his, the fact that Ken was so focused on a single person alone was a bit surprising. Despite his appearance and carefree attitude, he seemed to be becoming a little bit more serious.

“There’s no club activity that stands out to me. I could consider your journalism club, though. You don’t have many members, right? It’d be a friendship club!” Shibaken joked.

“We don’t allow ghost members. What about the gardening club?”

Kotarou and his childhood friend Hina were in the gardening club, but there barely were any members, and it was at risk of closing. Though the journalism club was, too, they had only gotten one new member this year. The track and field was the most active one and the students were really good athletes, so most freshmen applied for that one.

“I’d only be a bother there.”

Kodai turned his head to the side.

“Really?”

He guessed it was because of Kotarou and Hina.

They were childhood friends, but everyone could clearly see Kotarou liked Hina, although she constantly made fun of him. Koudai, however, didn’t know how she felt about him and he wasn’t going to snoop.

Ken put his arm around Koudai’s shoulders.

“And where are you going, Koudai?”

“To an interview. For next month’s issue.”

“Oh, that sounds fun, I’ll go with you! Who are you interviewing?”

“A pair of freshmen idols,” Koudai answered.

Upon hearing that, Ken drew his arm back and stayed silent for a few seconds.

“Oh I just remembered I have a really important business to handle. Well then, Koudai, do your best with the interview!” Ken walked away towards the entrance.

Like always, Ken’s personality was a fickle thing. It seemed like he had some complicated and uncomfortable circumstances.

Koudai had wanted to ask Ken about ‘him’, because he probably knew him better. But as Ken’s friend, he prefered to not touch the topic much either.

After all, the interview was about ‘them’ as students, not some scoop.

Koudai took out his pen and notebook and whispered:

“All right, let’s go.”

Maybe they’d still be inside their classroom.

---

Koudai reached the first years’ hall and looked around with nostalgia. The first years who looked so nervous at the entrance ceremony now seemed completely used to high school life.

Time to start looking for those two.

Loud voices could be heard from one of the classrooms, so he stopped by there first. Most students seemed like they were about to go home or were getting ready for club activities. Only a few girls still crowded around their desks, excitedly talking about some magazines.

“Doesn’t Aizou-kun look like someone dangerous in this picture?”, Koudai overheard.

“Yes, and Yuujirou-kun looks so cute!”

“What kind of CD did you choose? I want a poster!”

“I preordered everything! If you get a Yuujirou-kun sticker we can trade~”

Seemed like those two were the center of attention.

(I hope I can talk to them…)

When Koudai walked into the classroom, someone seemed to have noticed him. A girl wearing the sports uniform looked at him with sparkly eyes.

“Could it be, Yamamoto-san from the journalism club!” She smiled brightly.

She was at the track and field club and had participated in the relay race. Suzumi Hiyori, Setoguchi Hina’s underclassman. Koudai had interviewed her a bit some time ago.

“Are you looking for someone?”

“Yes… for a small interview.”

“An interview!” The girl leaned forward with eyes full of curiosity.

“Yes, could you help me a bit?”

“O-oh, yes, if you’re fine with me!”

They moved away from the hall to not bother anyone and Koudai opened his laptop.

“Could we do it now?”

“Yes, of course!”

“I wanted to interview two of your classmates for next month’s issue, Shibasaki Aizou and Someya Yuujirou-”

“Shibasaki-kun and Someya-kun?!” Hiyori’s voice became surprisingly low and she took a step back.

(Uh…? … Why such an exaggerated reaction…?)

Maybe he shouldn’t have asked.

“Yes… I just want you to tell me a bit about them.”

“So it’s not an interview for me?” Hiyori’s face fell down and her shoulders dropped.

(Oh, so it was that…)

“Of course, I’ve heard about your feats at the sports festival. Setoguchi-san is also really happy about how you did and praised you for your hard work,” he tried to cheer her up, and it immediately worked as Hiyori lifted her head and smiled.

“For real?!”

“Yes, she always says she’ll do her best not to lose against Suzumi-san.”

“My goal is Setoguchi-senpai too! I’m so happy~” Hiyori laughed cheerfully, a bit embarrassed, touching her cheeks.

“Suzumi-san, you’re in the same class as them, right?”

“Yes… for now…” Hiyori rocked back and forth as she answered.

“Anything is fine, but if you know something, please tell me.”

“About what…?” “Anything is fine…”

“I don’t know anything, really!” Hiyori shook her head and stuck out her tongue, like she was annoyed.

“Why? You don’t talk with them?”

“I don’t! Whenever I try, their fans bite me…” Koudai slid his pen over the notebook as he mumbled:

“Even in the classroom…?” Then added. “Then, do those two usually stay alone in class? During lunch break, I mean.”

“Hmmm… they’re not always together. They usually eat by themselves… it’s kind of rare to see them talking to each other?” she answered.

Koudai leaned forward.

“That’s… surprising. Is their relationship bad?” He put his hand on his chin, thinking.

Hiyori grimaced and quickly added:

“That’s not it! There’s times where they have fun and cheer each other up when they’re feeling down!” After saying that, for some reason, Hiyori added in a whisper: “In front of the fans… I’m not sure…” she sighed. “It may look like they don’t get along… but they like the same things.”

“The same things?”

“Yes! Singing, dancing… and tuna mayo riceballs.”

“Tuna mayo…” Koudai mumbled. Without noticing, he doodled a riceball and wrote tuna mayo next to it.

“Oh, I prefer the dried plum ones. My grandma said that eating acids makes you live much longer and have 100 times as much energy!” Hiyori said and then crossed her arms and puffed her cheeks. “But those two don’t appreciate their greatness…”

“Eh?”

“Oh, it’s nothing! I was just monologuing…”

She got nervous, and Koudai softened his gaze behind the lens.

“I understand, Suzumi-san. But this is about them.”

“I know, I was just trying to explain!”

“What kind of bond do Shibasaki Aizou and Someya Yuujirou have in your eyes?”

“For me…?”

“Don’t think about it too much. How do you think they are like…?”

She took a while to think about it, but focused again.

“Hmmm… they’re incredible…” she closed her eyes as she answered. “They work very hard every day. When I look at them, they’re always doing their best, and they make me want to work hard too, so, to me… they’re cheerful partners?”

Then, she blushed and pressed her hands together in a plea.

“Don’t write that in the article, it’s too embarrassing!”

“Suzumi-san, you sound like you’re a fan of them too.” Koudai put the pen on his mouth, smiling.

“Yes… but even so, my number one idol is Setoguchi-senpai!!”

Koudai laughed and said: “I’ll let her know.” Then added: “Well, do you know where those two are? I was looking for them.”

“Today Shibasaki-kun has to record a song, and Someya-kun has a photoshoot at a fashion magazine, so they’ve probably left already.”

“Oh, I see...·

“Ah! Then, maybe I could…! I heard those two talking about that… something like...” Hiyori bowed. “I’m sorry, I have a club meeting!” she exclaimed and bolted out of the classroom in the blink of an eye. As it was to be expected, coming from a track and field pro.

“Such an interesting girl, Suzumi-san…” Koudai wanted to interview her, some other time. 

But now, he had to work on those two. Talking to them after class seemed complicated, since they left so quickly.

Koudai closed the notebook and pocketed the pen.

(I’ll look for them during lunch break tomorrow, maybe I’ll get lucky)

---

The next day, Koudai heard excited screaming as he was walking through the courtyard during lunch break.

The first years were playing soccer, and a lot of girls crowded around the fence, cheering and yelling. And not just first years, but also second and third year girls. Even the school’s nurse was looking towards the field from one of the school’s balconies.

(So popular…)

The reason for all of that was no other than Aizou. He had taken off his blazer, rolled up his sleeves and was running after the ball with his classmates. 

The soccer club members watched the first years with interest too. Koudai noticed Kotarou amongst them and walked up to him. A tournament was about to start, so they were practicing during lunch too.

“Hey, Koudai, what are you doing?” Kotarou called out to him. “An interview?”

“Something like that.”

Aizou reached the boy who had the ball, easily stole it and ran towards the goal. The defenders tried to stop him but he dodged them and scored a goal. The girls all stood up and screamed and his classmates high-fived each other and laughed, celebrating the victory. Koudai quickly snapped a picture. He didn’t know if he’d be able to use it but he didn’t want to lose the chance.

“He’s great. I wish he’d join the club.” Kotarou crossed his arms and sighed heavily, looking at Aizou.

He’d been pretty good during the relay race at the sports festival, and his motor skills would surely be great at any sports club. No matter what, he could adapt and excel at it for sure.

“Why don’t you try to recruit him?”

“He’s too busy with rehearsals, he’s a full-time idol…” Kotarou crossed his hands behind his head and eyed Koudai. “What’s the interview about?” “The first year idols. They’re hard to find.”

“Shouldn’t you hurry up and talk to him then? Before a girl bites you for getting too close.”

Kotarou clapped his hands together:

“Everyone, gather!” he ordered the first years in a serious club-president tone.

Koudai walked up to Aizou, who was still breathing heavily.

“Shibasaki Aizou,” he called out. “I’m from the journalism club, may I interview you a little bit?”

Aizou wiped his forehead with his sleeve and turned towards Koudai.

“Yamamoto-senpai.”

“Oh, you remember my name?”

“It’s because… I saw it during the sports festival. But I don’t know if I can accept the interview.” Aizou rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly.

Probably because of his agency.

“I think it’ll be okay, I don’t want to interview you as an idol, but as a first year student.” It was what Mr. Akechi had said: after all, he was a Sakuragaoka student.

Aizou changed his expression to a friendly grin.

“I don’t think that makes much of a difference but… what would you like to know?”

“About your school life. How’s this year going? Anything is fine, it’ll be interesting.”

(He seems like a normal student after all… not as carefree as Shibaken).

Both brothers were a bit shy but kind, with friendly personalities. Easy to talk to. Koudai had a lot of classmates like that. The other boys who were playing soccer called him by his first name, too. Koudai thought the fact that Aizou was an idol would make him less approachable in class, but it seemed like that wasn’t the case.

“Well, something interesting… do the cultural and sports festivals count?”

“During the last festival, your class did a haunted house, right? You were one of the best classes during the costume contest too. Yours was a very popular one, Shibasaki-kun.”

“The girls from our class were really excited about it and they were the ones to design the costumes. I hope everything looked good…”

Aizou seemed a bit embarrassed.

“I think it suited you…” Koudai remembered all the screaming fans running to the haunted house to see Aizou’s costume.

(It went quite well I think).

“Maybe the zombies could have been better,” said Aizou. “Even if it was a haunted house, I wasn’t very scared. I would have wanted it to be more realistic…”

“In my opinion it was pretty well made. Especially the sound. Though, in some areas the lights were too dark and we couldn’t really see the production work. Things like the chandelier, the mannequins or the hands on the walls. I would have liked to see them properly.”

Aizou crossed his arms and mumbled: 

“Yeah, it was a bit dark after all…”

Maybe it was so he and his partner stood out less. It was inevitable, though. If they were there, all eyes would be on them.

“The voice and the wind noise that played when you walked into the room was seriously frightening. It felt so real,” Koudai reminisced.

Aizou grinned widely.

“Oh, that was my voice! Maybe most people didn’t notice… The wind was Yuujirou’s hair dryer, though it wasn’t very strong.”

“It looks like you had a lot of fun at the cultural festival.”

Koudai thought he wasn’t very interested in school events, but it seemed like they both had participated with their classmates both in the sports and the cultural festivals.

“You really are a regular student too, like Mr. Akechi said.”

“Mr. Akechi?”

“Ah, um yes… It’s nothing. This is enough.”

“Are you sure?” Aizou asked rushedly.

“Yes, thank you. By the way, I’d like to interview Someya Yuujirou too, do you know where he is?”

“Yuujirou? Well… I don’t know if he’ll be okay with being interviewed. He can be a little problematic sometimes, but, if you want to… He must be at some secluded place, without many people. The backyard, maybe…”

“I’ll look for him. It’ll be a great article.”

“I haven’t answered much though… just things about the school festival.”

“Everyone wants to know about it. About you doing normal things.” Koudai closed his notebook. “See you,” he told Aizou before leaving.

The girls who had been looking at them from afar immediately ran towards Aizou.

Such a hard life, the school idol’s.

Koudai continued with his path: “The backyard huh…?”

---

When he got there, there were no other students around. Usually, it was the third years who met here, not the freshmen, but there weren’t any seniors around either. Probably because of the November cold. The cherry trees’ leaves had been taken by the wind a long time ago.

Koudai caught sight of a student, standing alone in front of the flower beds.

(Exactly where he said…)

It looked like there were no noisy fans around. That should be better, right? Koudai walked up to the flowerbeds, the ones the gardening club was taking care of. Yuujirou looked at them absentmindedly, like he wasn’t really there.

“Someya-kun,” Koudai said, raising his voice.

Yuujirou turned around, quickly changing his expression. 

“Senpai… Are you talking to me?”

Much like Aizou, Yuujirou also remembered him from the sports festival as a senior from the journalism club.

“I’d like to publish an interview of you and Shibasaki Aizou in the school’s newspaper next month.”

“I’m not supposed to agree to things like that though…”

Koudai sighed lightly at the negative answer, touching the rim of his glasses. He had gotten him to answer some questions at the sports festival, but maybe it was because there were a lot of students around… It wouldn’t be that easy this time.

“I only want to ask about your school life, is that still no good?”

“I am not very good at talking,” Yuujirou bowed his head. “Sorry.”

(I’ve already interviewed Aizou so that could be enough, but…)

He wanted an interview with both of them, but he didn’t want to force him.

Yuujirou turned his head back to the flowers and Koudai looked at them too. Swaying with the cold wind, they were yellow flowers.

“Rudbeckies… they’re still in full bloom…” he commented.

Kotarou and his childhood friend Hina had planted that one. They had joined the club as first years and had fought to preserve them. It was nostalgic. That flower was very important for those two friends.

Yuujirou lifted his gaze and looked back to Koudai, a hint of curiosity in his eyes.

“They’re from the gardening club,” Koudai explained.

“There’s a gardening club…” Yuujirou said to himself, looking at the flowers again.

“Well, I’m not sure if there’ll still be one next year, there aren’t enough members and no one new has joined yet. If you’re interested…

“I can’t join, I’m not interested.”

Koudai exhaled, casually pushing his glasses up.

“Of course.”

Balancing idol work and school couldn’t be easy. He had no time for clubs. And even if he had, it’ll probably attract too many fans.

It was plain to see that Ayase Koyuki’s graduation had been the cause of the club’s demise. Kotarou and Hina were trying to revive it, worried for the club. They really wanted someone new to join.

“You’re staring at the flowerbed a lot… Are you worried about something?”

“It looks like they’re about to die. I was wondering if they’re well cared for.”

“Yeah, it’s because the season for flowers is over. They bloomed already, they’re fine.”

“... You know a lot about this.”

“One of my best friends is in the gardening club.”

He had stayed late reading a flower book with Kotarou at the library once. The season for these flowers was from summer til October. Maybe they had lasted this long because the warm days were expected to continue until mid-January this year. But their season was already over.

“Is the gardening club in charge of the flowerbeds at the rooftop too?”

“Indeed. Kotarou and Setoguchi-san said they had planted pansies. They plan on planting tulips there next spring.” Koudai pointed to a remote flowerbed. The grass had been removed from it and the soil had been smoothed out. “Since the third years are graduating…”

During spring, beautiful and colorful tulips would bloom. Just like the year before.

(Really, in the blink of an eye…)

“Have you had fun? This year…” Koudai asked casually.

Yuujirou furrowed his brow.

“I will not be interviewed.”

“It’s just small talk. I won’t write an article. I promise.”

Yuujirou looked ahead.

“Well,” he said. “It was…” His gaze softened and he smiled slightly.

He must have remembered something good. Koudai wanted to hear a bit more now but…

“I’m glad,” Koudai smiled and turned around.

“That was good?” Yuujirou said, confused.

“This was not an interview. Though, if you were to accept one, I’d gladly do it,” he answered, turning back to face him, and waved his hand.

“Oh, here you are!” Suzumi Hiyori rushed towards Yuujirou with a cheerful voice. “Someya…!!!” . When he noticed Koudai was there, she covered her mouth with her hands mid-yell.

Yuujirou furrowed his brow at her mistake:

“God…” he mumbled.

“Someya-kun… uh… eh… it looks like… Teacher Uchida is calling you,” she said to Someya in a terrified tone and then ran away.

(Is there a teacher named like that in school…?)

Passing by them, Koudai went back into the building.

---

Koudai went to talk to Mr. Akechi at the staff room after class before heading to the club room.

(Mr. Akechi told me to wait until tomorrow, but I don’t think I’ll be able to ask him again…)

He walked down the hall as he thought about it and opened the biology classroom they used for their club. The other members had other work that day, so there probably wasn’t anyone there yet.

However, when he opened the door, he stopped in his tracks. There was in fact a student there.

Yuujirou, standing next to the shelf by the window. He was looking with curiosity at the cameras and lenses Koudai used at the club.

“I wasn’t expecting you,” Koudai commented.

Yuujirou looked at him, chin in hand.

“You said you wanted to interview me, Yamamoto-senpai. But I want to interview you.”

Koudai laughed.

“I wanted to interview you, Mr. Akechi asked me to.”

Yuujirou clumsily turned around. He puffed out his cheeks in annoyance.

“I see,” he said, lowering his voice.

Koudai closed the door behind them.

“Then, let’s start.”

There were lots of things Yuujirou could ask about.

This was going to be a fun interview.

“I wanted you to tell me about the camera.”

“The journalism club is also looking for members. If you’re interested…”

“I can’t join.”

The answer was still simple, but his jaw softened a bit.

“Well… do you want to learn how to take pictures? Of whom?”

“For now… of my dog?”

Koudai walked closer to Yuujirou and handed him his single-lens reflex camera, his favorite one. Yuujirou held it very carefully and pointed the lens towards the window.

“...How do you focus?”

“Like this. It’s set on manual now, but if you set it to auto, it’ll focus on its own. When you change it to shooting mode, you can-”

“Ohhh...” Koudai noticed how bright Yuujirou’s expression was while he looked at the camera.

“... adjust the exposition,” Koudai finished.

Yuujirou nodded with a serious face.

“Can I take a picture?”

“Of course.”

Yuujirou took a step backwards and, much to Koudai’s surprise, turned the lens away from the window to focus on Koudai.

The shutter went off.

“Wait, I am supposed to be the one interviewing you.”

“A bit of change is always good,” Yuujirou joked, lowering the camera.

Koudai pushed his glasses up.

“I see…”

(With Shibasaki Aizou and him… this should be popular)

---

Mid-december brought Yuujirou and Aizou relaxing at the office’s break room.

Yuujirou was sleeping on the table while listening to music. In front of him, Aizou played mobile games to kill time. That day, they had had a meeting with their manager regarding their next mv.

In that moment, Suzumi Hiyori, manager in training, barged into the room yelling:

“Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!”

Yuujirou was startled by the scream, lifting his head with a sleepy face.

“Monster…” he mumbled. Maybe he was still asleep, actually.

“What the hell, you scared me!” Aizou put his phone down, frowning.

“I brought a surprise!”

Suzumi held the school’s newspaper in her shaky hands. The journalism club members had been handing it out in the school that morning.

“Our… our interview is here!”

Aizou quickly took the newspaper from her hands with sparkling eyes. That morning the girls at school had made a fuss over that issue and he’d been unable to catch a copy for himself; they all disappeared within seconds.

(Oh, last month’s interview… do I have it?)

Yamamoto-senpai had given Aizou a newspaper, but he’d been too busy to read it. He’d left it in his school desk’s drawer and had forgotten about it.

“Where’s the interview?” he asked, skimming through the pages.

Hiyori leaned over.

“Here!” she proudly pointed at the main article.

Comments from their classmate, S-san, a subheader said.

“‘Apparently, they like tuna mayo riceballs’...? What the hell is this?” Aizou complained. “Don’t accept interviews without permission.”

“Well… but I didn’t say anything out of place!” Hiyori shook her head.

“Don’t sound so happy about it. It’s a single line on a school’s paper.”

“Hey, it’s okay! Sometimes I like standing out too, alright? You two are always getting interviewed everywhere.”

“It’s only natural, who’d want to interview a manager in training?” Aizou got up, angry. He wanted to chop Hiyori’s head off.

“Wh… that’s the school newspaper? It’s out already?” Yuujirou mumbled in a sleepy I-just-woke-up voice while he ran his hands through his bangs.

“You got interviewed too. How did they buy you?” Aizou asked him with a  mocking smile.

With his interview, there was also Yuujirou’s. Aizou was surprised, he was sure Yuujirou would’ve refused.

“It was fine… I didn’t answer much…” Yuujirou looked at the article. “‘Preparing for the school festival was hard, but cooperating with everyone was very important’... Aren’t you a fraud? You didn’t do anything, just slept in a coffin.”

“Do you ever shut that irritating mouth of yours?” 

Yuujirou kicked Aizou under the table.

“That hurts! Don’t kick me!”

Right before the argument escalated, the break room’s door opened.

“Sorry for the wait!” It was their manager, Uchida, who seemed to be in a good mood. “The pictures in this newspaper are very good! I wonder if the boy from the journalism club took them, he’s got a good eye. He captured that natural side you two rarely let out.”

“Eh?! Why did Uchida-san read the newspaper?!” Aizou asked loudly, pointing at the school’s newspaper.

“Oh, the teacher in charge of the journalism club sent it to me. He asked me for permission to interview you two, he’s a good teacher. But, above that, he’s a good man~ ❤” Manager Uchida giggled, covering her mouth with her hand.

“I don’t want to hear that!”

“I didn’t really cooperate anyway…” Yuujirou mumbled sleepily.

“I wonder if I can post the newspaper’s pictures on our website,” Manager Uchida wondered. “Like a precious photo of LIPxLIP’s school life!” she suggested.

“Oh, that’s right! If our interview appeared in a newspaper, I should contact my grandma and my mom!” Hiyori excitedly pulled out her phone and started to dial her house. “Oh, but I should contact my school counselor too and send them a picture!”

Manager Uchida happily strolled around the room, skipping steps, almost jumping.

“Stop that-!!”

“You’re so loud. You’re not a speaker, lower your volume.”

“Don’t cover your ears and stop Uchida-san! She’s out of control, what if she makes merch out of the pictures?!”

“It’s fine by me. Unlike Aizou, I don’t find it embarrassing.”

“What do you mean ‘unlike Aizou’?”

“Oh, mom! I got the newspaper! It’s our school’s but… I’ll fax it to you at a convenience store. So you can read it! Eh? Dried plum? Yes, I’d love to eat some! Oh, send me rice too. Yes… hm, canned.”

“Hey, potato girl, call your home outside of your work schedule!!”

“Don’t call me potato! … Oh, mom? It’s nothing. The pineapple from my part-time job is making fun of me… Yes, it’s fine. I totally defeated him!”

“Eh?! What are you telling your parents?!”

“Pfft… a pineapple!”

“Don’t laugh, Yuujirou…”

---

Koudai leaned over the rooftop’s railing after school, looking at the ground that was dyed by the sunset. The soccer, baseball and track and field club members trained with enthusiasm despite the cold.

Kotarou’s figure received a pass and ran after the ball. Hina’s running figure seemed small. And Suzumi Hiyori’s, who ran with her, did too.

Takamizawa Arisa and Shibasaki Ken were leaving the school building, walking next to each other. He saw Ken stop and laugh, waving at Kotarou.

In the school’s gate, the idol duo’s fans were waiting for the manager’s car to arrive, surely making a fuss. And it was not just Sakuragaoka’s uniforms, but from other schools too.

It was a familiar sight.

“It’s cold…” mumbled Mr. Akechi, his advisor, as he opened the door and walked into the rooftop.

When he got to Koudai’s side, he trembled and rubbed his arms. He put his hands in the pockets of his white labcoat.

“Mr. Akechi…”

“Thank you for your hard work. Today’s article was very well received,” Mr. Akechi smiled. “A success.”

“It was because those two answered properly…”

They had balanced what they should answer, what they wanted to answer, what Koudai was looking for and the proper wording for it. They were clever and talented. Going to school with those two…they really were pros.

“It worked because you’re you, Yamamoto, don’t you think?”

When he heard those words, Koudai turned to look at Mr. Akechi. His eyes were fixated on the ground, where the students could be heard yelling.

“Ah, the youth,” he whispered with a smile.

“I only wrote.”

It had been Mr. Akechi who gave him the article, and he had apparently called the office to ask for permission. Thanks to that, he’d been able to publish a special picture of those two in the newspaper. The interview wouldn’t have been possible without him.

“Did you ask me to do it because you trusted me? If not, I don’t think I would’ve done it. Those two…”

Koudai saw Akechi’s furrowed brow and laughed.

He must fight with them constantly too. They probably weren’t easy-to-handle students at all. 

“It’s hard, right? For teachers, too.”

“Well… they’re never boring, though. It’s like this every year.” He smiled, hands in pockets. His eyes were looking at the sunset sky, gazing at an airplane far away.

“I see,” Koudai commented.

“Those two’s manager praised your picture. It was a very good shot. She wants to put it on their website, is that okay?”

“Yes, I’ll send it to you later.”

Koudai waved him goodbye, and Mr. Akechi left the rooftop. Koudai stayed there some more time. The sun’s warmth hit his back, his shadow falling over the flowerbed.

He took out the lollipop Mr. Akechi had given him before. He unwrapped it and put it in his mouth. Koudai gazed at the ground, leaning over the railing.

An irreplaceable year for everyone.

Everything moves forward while the present turns into a memory.

Like the older graduated students, and the ones to follow too.

“Someya Yuujirou and Shibasaki Aizou, they both seem to have had a satisfactory year. The journalism club wishes to look over them to see what awaits them in high school.” -Yamamoto Koudai

[invisibleanonymousmonsters]

I used to be seventeen.

Character: Steve Rogers x Tall!Reader – High School AU

Summary: Steve Rogers doesn’t think fondly of his teenage years. Well, there was one thing he did remember fondly – or, more specifically, one person. 

Word Count: 4,300 - One Shot

Warnings: Bullying, homophobic themes 

Steve always hated coming back home. Yes, he loved seeing his mom and friends. But even the glamour of the holiday glow couldn’t get rid of the bitterness Steve held for his hometown.

He didn’t know how Bucky convinced him to meet him at the one of the town’s few bars. But there he was, walking into the divey establishment. To be fair, it did feel cozy with all the wood and the hundreds of Christmas lights that probably had nothing to do with the holiday season.

Steve was grateful when he spotted Bucky at the bar, not wanting to be the first to arrive.

Before he made it to Bucky, he felt someone jump on his back in an involuntary piggyback.

“Who could this possibly be?” Steve joked when he heard the giggle in his ear.

They jumped down, and he turned to find Rebecca Barnes smiling up at him.

“Stevie! I haven’t seen you since last Christmas! What the fuck?”

Steve narrowed his eyes. “I believe Bucky and I have both invited you to New York multiple times.”

“I know. I know. It’s just hard getting enough days off of work to make the trip from San Francisco worth it.”

“I hear ya,” Steve said as he pulled her in for a proper hug.

They both made their way to Bucky and ordered some drinks.

Bucky and Steve had both lived in New York City after college.

Steve had gone to SAIC in Chicago for art school. Bucky had gone to Columbia for engineering.

They both hated the 4 years where they were apart. Bucky told Steve that he would love New York City and convinced him to move into a place in Brooklyn together after college graduation.

Bucky enjoyed going home to their small town. It didn’t hold the bad memories for him like it did for Steve. It was all healthy nostalgia and a place of comfort to him. He had been popular, a jock. Even though he was smart and nice to everyone, he was a golden boy at their high school.

Why Bucky ever befriended him was still a mystery to Steve.

Steve’s high school experience was rather different. His puberty was delayed. He was short and scrawny. He preferred the arts over sports. He was on the shyer side. All of these things mixed together apparently made him an easy target for the bullies. Not even his friendship with Bucky Barnes could save him.

It hadn’t usually happened in front of Bucky. And if it did, he stopped it countless times. But no matter how hard he tried, Bucky couldn’t put a stop to the bullying completely nor could he be Steve’s full-time body guard.

That time was past Steve now. 

But he still hated coming “home.” Besides his mom, there was nothing left for him in this stupid town. The only people he stayed in contact with from that time were Bucky and Rebecca, and he lived with Bucky now.

“We’re doing tequila shots!” Rebecca cried out.

“Dear God, Becs. Calm down,” Bucky groaned.

“Nope! The three of us haven’t been together in forever. We must get properly wasted. Tis the law.”

Bucky gave Steve a look and just shrugged with a smile. It wasn’t like they had to work tomorrow. It was Christmas Eve and they were technically both on vacation for the holidays for the whole week.

An hour later, Steve was happily buzzed. Rebecca was talking to friends she had kept in touch with after high school. Steve and Bucky kept to themselves. Every so often someone would come over and say hi to Bucky.

No one said hi to Steve.

He couldn’t figure out if it was because they didn’t care to or because they legitimately didn’t recognize him. 

Steve was a different person since high school. He finally had his growth spurt during his freshman year of college, now standing at 6’1. And it seemed his body decided to actually hold a few pounds instead of keeping his frame stick thin. On top of that, Steve started taking his health to a new level. Bucky would tease him that he looked more like he was a Big 10 football player than an art student. The beard probably didn’t help his past peers from recognizing him either.

Bucky was in the middle of telling Steve about his most recent date when the bells chimed, signaling a new person entering the bar.

Steve did a double take when he instantly recognized her.

He swore his heart dropped to his stomach.

Bucky caught his friends expression and how he was staring over his shoulder. He quickly turned around to see what Steve was gawking at.

“Oh, Jesus,” Bucky muttered under his breath.

Y/F/N Y/L/N.

Steve would never forget her name, even with his passionate efforts to forget all of high school.

There was a cry of cheers from a group of girls at her arrival. Steve recognized them as her friends from back in the day. They were some of the few people that hadn’t harassed him. They seemed to pity him…just like she had.

Y/N looked amazing.

She stood out for multiple reasons. The first being her height. But Steve noticed she wasn’t slouching like she had in high school, always trying to make herself appear smaller and getting down to everyone else’s level. Now her shoulders were back and her head was held high. Then he noticed the heeled booties. She had never even considered wearing heels when she was in high school. Now she wore them proudly.

The second reason was her clothes. They were far too stylish for their small, close-minded town. But she didn’t seem to notice the second glances or the judgmental looks.

The final reason was because she was beautiful. At least, Steve had always thought so. Turned out, even after 10 years, Steve’s heart still beat a little faster when he saw her.

“You’re staring,” Bucky pointed out.

Steve cleared his throat and forced himself to look away from Y/N as she hugged all of her friends and had a beaming smile.

“Shut up,” he muttered as he took a big gulp of his drink.

“Why don’t you go say hi?” Bucky asked with a mischievous smirk.

“As if she’d even remember me…” Steve mumbled.

“I wouldn’t be so sure about that.”

Bucky didn’t push him more and kept talking. 

But Steve was thrust back into memories he hadn’t repressed for quite some time. But seeing Y/N just thrust them to the forefront of his mind.

———————

Steve was struggling to put all his sketches back in his folder as he rushed through the halls. There were just a few finishing touches that needed to be made on one of them when the bell rang. Now he was going to be late to his next class.

He was about to turn the corner when someone slammed his books and folders out of his grasp. His jaw dropped as he saw dozens of his loose sketches go flying around the hall.

He looked up to see his assailant.

Brock Rumlow.

Next to him was his best friend, Jack Rollins, and a few of the other guys on the football team.

Steve ignored them and crouched down to pick up the papers, taking the higher ground for once. He wasn’t in the mood and he didn’t want to get another tardy. Nor did he want to get another detention for fighting.  

But Brock wasn’t letting him go so easily. He crouched down and picked up a drawing. It just happened to be one of Bucky. Steve had asked him to sit for him a couple of weekends to practice his portrait drawing skills.

“Fucking Christ! You really are in love with him. I don’t understand why Barnes lets your gay ass hang out with him,” Brock growled before ripping the drawing into pieces.

Then he picked up another one, it was of a woman. But just her lips and down to her clavicle. Steve prayed Brock wouldn’t recognize who it was based off of. He should, if his crush on Y/N was as strong as he pretended it was. In Brock’s mind, she belonged to him despite her never reciprocating the feelings.

Steve didn’t want that one to get ripped up.

He lunged forward, trying to grab it from Brock’s grasp.

This was exactly what Brock wanted. He picked on people he knew he could beat to make himself feel strong.

Before Steve could even tackle Brock to the ground, he pushed Steve to the ground so hard that Steve’s head slammed back onto the hard tile, even blinding his vision for a moment. 

“Is that a fucking joke, Rogers?” Brock laughed at him

Then he reached for Steve’s collar and pulled him onto his feet again.

“You really think you could even land a hit on me?” Brock whispered. He raised his hand to hit him, most likely in the gut. Brock seemed to like watching Steve keel over in pain.

“Brock!” A voice screamed from behind Steve. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”

Steve stopped breathing when he recognized the voice.

Y/N.

“What?” Brock asked innocently and immediately let Steve go.

“I saw what you did,” Y/N accused, making sure to put herself between Steve and him.

“He was asking for it,” Brock shrugged. “He was walking to class, asshole.” She glared at him. “Just because your shit got rocked on the football field last game doesn’t mean you can just take out your embarrassment and anger on another person.”

“Whatever,” Brock rolled his eyes and then walked away with his friends. But he gave Steve a final glare that said, ‘You’re lucky this time.’

Y/N finally turned to look at Steve. “Are you OK? I saw how hard he shoved you.”

“I-I’m fine,” Steve stuttered.

“Are you sure? Maybe you should go to the nurse. I really think you could have a concussion.”

But Steve just shook his head.

Y/N sighed but didn’t continue arguing. Instead, she started helping him pick up all his papers.

“You’re really good at drawing,” she said as she looked at a portrait of his mom before handing it to him.

Steve blushed. “Thanks.”

The bell interrupted them.

“Shit,” Steve cursed under his breath. “I’m gonna be late again.”

“What class are you going to?” She asked.

“Math.”

She bit her lip. “With Foster?”

He nodded.

“I’ll walk you there.”

Before he could protest, she grabbed one of his folders, the one with all of the drawings and started walking towards Mr. Foster’s classroom.

The class had already started when they walked in.

Steve’s cheeks blushed once again as all eyes in the classroom went to him and Y/N.

“Y/N, what brings you here?” Mr. Foster asked pleasantly instead of reprimanding Steve for being late once again.

“I ran into Steve in the hallway – literally. I made a mess of his papers and was just helping him pick them up.”

Steve watched as she gave him a shy smile and played up her guilt.

“Well, that was nice of you,” Mr. Foster said.

Steve went to his seat before he could remind his teacher that he wasn’t on time. He looked up at the doorway to give Y/N a thankful look, but she had already disappeared and the door was slowly closing.

And that wasn’t the last time she saved him from bullies.

The next time was a month or so later. It wasn’t Brock that time. He’d learned not to pick on people while Y/N was present. He knew he’d never gain her affections that way.

This time it was one of his lackeys.

“Hey, Rogers? Can’t find any clothes that fit you properly?”

Steve ignored him.

“Have you tried looking in the little boys section? Maybe try Babies R Us!”

That didn’t make Steve turn around. What made him turn around was the sound of someone being shoved into the lockers.

Steve whipped around, fully expecting Bucky to be his savior.

Instead it was Y/N, who had her forearm crammed against his bully’s throat. Y/N was towering over him. She was taller than most of the boys in their school. But somehow no one picked on her for it.

“What the hell?” The kid said, struggling to say words with the pressure on his throat.

“I hear you pick on him again and I’ll make sure the whole school sees me kick you in the dick,” she told him.

Steve was stunned, convincing himself he was imagining all of it. 

But the kid nodded his head.

Y/N knew none of the guys would ever hit a girl. Even if they wanted to, she was taller and probably stronger than most of them. So she used that privilege to her advantage.

She let him go. A group of her girlfriends laughed at the bully as she returned to them. Before she disappeared down the hall, she gave Steve a small, reassuring smile.

Steve wondered if she felt the same way about being tall as he felt about being short. Maybe that’s why she felt the need to defend him.

But Y/N’s attention toward him didn’t stop there.

Steve wouldn’t consider them friends. But Y/N did acknowledge him at school quite frequently. If she managed to meet his gaze, she’d give him a little smile and maybe a wave.

When Bucky caught on, Steve waited for him to tease him about it, since Bucky could tell Steve’s crush immediately. But he gave Steve his space and they never really fully talked about it. It was just known from then on. 

————

Steve’s mind raced through all his memories like flashes. But then it seemed to settle on the last time he ever talked to Y/N.

————

It was the night of prom.

But Steve wasn’t there.

Bucky begged him to tag along with him and his date. But Steve knew Dot would not be fond of that, despite her forcing a smile and nodding when Bucky recommended it.

So Steve decided to go to a coffee shop. It was one of the few places he liked in their stupid town. It was open late and had plenty of space. Every once in awhile, he’d go there to just sketch or read. It was just an excuse to get out of the house and go somewhere.

Now he sat at in his usual corner that had good lighting and a bigger table, which was good for drawing.

Steve was listening to music, drinking coffee, and sketching away. 

But for some reason, a new patron coming in made him look up.

He did a double take when he recognized Y/N.

She walked in and looked a bit like a tomboy. She was wearing boyfriend jeans, a graphic tee, a baseball hat, and a zip-up with the hoodie pulled up. Yet Steve recognized her immediately.

He tried not to stare, but definitely wasn’t successful. He watched as she ordered a latte and two chocolate chip cookies.

Why wasn’t she at prom?

She turned and her eyes were going around the coffee shop, trying to find a table she wanted. That was when she spotted Steve.

With her latte and cookies in hand, she slowly made her way to Steve.

“Hey,” she said quietly with a smile, as if not to disturb the few other customers. 

“Hi,” he responded.

For the first time, he didn’t feel ridiculously nervous talking to her.

“Do you mind if I sit for a bit?” She asked.

Steve was shocked.

“You can say no. I won’t be offended,” she laughed.

“N-No, of course. Please, sit.”

She smiled and sat down.

“Shouldn’t you…uhh…be at prom?” Steve asked shyly.

Y/N let out a breathy laugh. “Well… no one asked me.”

Steve’s brow furrowed. That seemed impossible. “That can’t be true.”

She rolled her eyes will a smile. “Think about it, Steve. Yeah, I have some guy friends I could’ve gone with…but they all have girlfriends.” She took a sip of her latte. “It’s fine. I don’t really like dances. I only really like the whole dressing up part.”

Then she looked down at her tomboy outfit and started laughing. “Not that you would know by how I’m dressed right now. I look like a little boy.”

Steve smiled. “No, you don’t. You always look beautiful.”

Y/N sat up straighter, completely taken by surprised from his compliment. Steve shifted in his seat and dipped his head. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable…”

“You didn’t make me uncomfortable,” she replied with a grin.

He let out a sigh.

“So, why aren’t you at prom?” She countered.

“Ummm…doubt anyone would’ve said yes if I had asked,” he mumbled.

Y/N squinted at him.

“What?” Steve asked.

“You do realize that you’re like the sweetest guy in our grade, right? I know so many girls who didn’t get asked that would’ve loved to have gone. And they would’ve been more than happy to have gone with you, too.”

Steve blushed. “Whatever you say.”

Y/N then looked around them shyly. “Do you mind if I just stay here and read my book? I won’t bother you. You can just keep drawing.” Then she smiled at him. “Again… you can say no and I won’t be offended.”

“No, no, no,” Steve quickly said. Then he winced. “I mean, ‘no, I’m not going to tell you no.’ Not ‘no to your offer.’”

Y/N smirked at his fumbling.

So the two of them sat together in a comfortable silence. Y/N read her book and Steve continued his drawing.

He wanted to ask her a million things. He wanted to get to know her. The real her, not the the person everyone at school thought she was. But this – this whole just appreciating each other’s quiet presence was nice too. Steve didn’t know how to explain it, but it made him think it was more meaningful than asking her a million questions.

At one point, she pushed her plate toward him, silently offering him her other cookie.

That was the last time Steve talked to her. 

He saw her at graduation, but they were never close enough for any sort of interaction. She was surrounded by her friends and family. He was just with his mom and the Barnes family.

————

And that was it. 

They both went off to college and Steve never saw her again.

Until tonight.

The bar got a bit more crowded. But Bucky, Rebecca, and Steve stayed in their little area. Every so often, Rebecca and Bucky would get pulled into other groups of old friends, but they’d always find their way back. Steve didn’t mind.

It was towards the end of the night when Steve went to the bar to get another round of drinks for them. He was very happily buzzed. The miserable feeling of being back in his childhood town was just a bit weaker – for the time being.

“I don’t know why I expected you to come over and say hi. You always were so shy.” A voice said beside him.

Steve quickly turned to find Y/N leaning on the bar waiting for his attention.

“Hi,” was all he managed to blurt out.

“Hi,” she laughed. “I gotta be honest: I almost didn’t recognize you.”

Her eyes went up and down, taking in his tall frame. She used to tower over him. Now, even with her heels on, he was just a tad bit taller than him.

He chuckled awkwardly, never knowing what to say when people noted how much he’d physically changed.

“Can I make up for it by buying you a drink?”

She smirked and nodded. “You may.”

They chatted for a bit, friendly banter. Before Steve could use Rebecca and Bucky’s drinks as an excuse to leave the conversation, Becca practically came skipping over to take them away and return to her brother. She gave Steve a look that said, ‘Don’t you dare try to leave this conversation, idiot.’

“So what are you doing now? Where do you even live?” She asked Steve.

“New York. I’m an artist,” he decided to keep it generic.

“No way. I live in New York, too.”

Steve paused. “No shit? I’m in Brooklyn – Williamsburg, actually.”

“Ahh… Well, that would explain why we’ve never run into each other. I’m in Nolita.”

“So trendy,” Steve teased. “Though, I’m not surprised.” Then he gestured towards her outfit.

She acted offended. “And what is that supposed to mean?”

“You were always stylish. Nolita suits you. It’s a compliment, I promise. What do you do for work?”

She hesitated for a second. “I’m a stylist.”

“No shit,” Steve said in awe. “Like celebrities or…?”

“Yeah, a lot of celebrities, actually. They’re pretty much all of my clientele.”

“I’m sure you’ve got some crazy stories,” he pointed out.

She laughed and shrugged.

“You seeing anyone?” Steve asked then. “In New York, I mean.”

It didn’t feel awkward or forced, just like it was the natural next step in their conversation.

Y/N winced slightly and sighed. She didn’t look him in the eye. “Being a tall, successful, and independent woman doesn’t exactly have men lining up in New York City…”

Before Steve could say anything, Y/N laughed. “It’s like prom all over again,” she joked. 

But he wasn’t laughing exactly. “Well then, I think the same thing I did that night at the coffee shop.”

She tilted her head. “And what’s that?”

“Men are fucking idiots. All of them.”

She threw her head back and laughed. “Even you?”

“Oh, me more than any of them.”

“What! Why would you say that?”

Then his laughter died down and he took a sip of his drink, a little liquid courage. “Because…if I had known no one had asked you to prom, I would’ve taken you – in a fucking heartbeat.”

“You didn’t know,” she pointed out in a sigh. “But you did know so many other girls who didn’t have dates.”

He shook his head. “They weren’t who I wanted to go with.”

Her smile dropped ever so slightly, catching on to what he was trying to say.

Y/N cleared her throat. “We probably shouldn’t live in the past. It’s not like it would do us any good.”

“But I’m the same person,” Steve challenged suddenly.

She looked at him, waiting for him to say he was joking. “You’ve probably changed more than anyone we went to high school. I mean, look at you!”

Y/N grabbed her coat and Steve stood up without thinking and helped her back into it. The gesture seemed to catch her off guard.

Then they realized how close they were standing to each other because of it.

“You didn’t ask me,” Steve said quietly.

Her eyes flickered from his eyes down to his lips without meaning to. “Ask you what?”

“If I was seeing anyone…”

She sort of scoffed at the idea. “I’m sure you’re seeing many people, Steve.”

“That’s not even remotely accurate,” he chuckled lowly.

Her eyes softened then. “You’re one of the good guys, Steve Rogers. And sadly, the older I get, the more I realize how few of you there really are in the world.”

Steve didn’t know how to respond to that.

A beat passed between them. It was filled with opportunity. Make a move, a part of his head was screaming at him. No, don’t be an idiot, was the other part.

And then the moment passed just as quickly as it arrived. And Steve missed his chance.

“Well, it was really nice seeing you again,” she told him.

“You too, Y/N.” He blinked. “Here, let me get you an car home.”

“Oh, you don’t–”

“If I hadn’t been drinking, I’d drive you myself,” he cut her off before she could actually argue.

5 minutes later, he was closing the passenger door for her and he watched the car drive away.

When he walked back into the bar, Bucky and Rebecca were giving him a sympathetic look. They already knew he let her go without trying. Because they knew him better than he knew himself sometimes.

“Don’t,” he warned them both.

“I think…we should do another round of tequila shots!” Rebecca announced.

“Fine. But then we’re going home before I have to carry you back home over my shoulder,” Bucky warned his little sister.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whatever,” she shooed as she went to the bar.

Steve was quiet for the rest of the night, thinking about everything Y/N and him had said to each other that night.

---------------

Steve woke up the next morning with the worst headache of his life. That’s what he got for drinking the world’s cheapest alcohol.

When he grabbed his phone from the nightstand, he noticed he had a text from a number that wasn’t in his phonebook.

He opened it to read: “Barnes told me to text you so you didn’t ‘make the same mistake twice.’”

Steve swore his heart stopped. There was no one else it could be .

With a smile, he texted back, “I’m gonna beat that punk up later.”

To his surprise, she texted back right away. “So, are you saying he was wrong to give me your number?”

Steve thought for a moment. “No, he was definitely right to do so. Apparently, I’m incapable of doing anything for myself.” He hesitated. Enough of being safe and careful. Might as well go for it. “As soon as I closed that car door, I regretted not asking for your number.”

“You know...we don’t have to just be people from each other’s past.”

“What are you doing for New Year’s Eve?”

“Nothing.”

Steve smiled. “Well, that’s not the case anymore. I’ll see you in NYC, Y/N.”

-----------------

So, a lot of the reader was basically me in high school and a lot of it was not. I’ll let you guys figure that out for yourself. 

Let me know what you thought of it!

Oh the title was inspired by “Seventeen” by Sharon Van Etten. 

[snarktheater]

Hey, d'you have any French book recs? I'm trying to work on my French, and rn I have downloaded one of my favourite book series' French translations, but I figured maybe books already written in French might work better? Also have you read the Ranger's Apprentice series? 1/2

RA's def flawed - the books' narration does like to point bright arrows at the protagonists' intelligence, and the last few books def have the tone of 'old white man trying to write feminism', although at least he's trying? - and it's aimed more to the younger side of YA, but it is still a very fun series, and I can ignore the flaws fairly easily, at least partly due to nostalgia? This rather long lol but I'm wordy.

I'll start with the second question: no, although every time the series is brought up I have to check the French title and go "oh, right, I've seen these books in stores". But I've never purchased or read them. It sounds like something I probably would have enjoyed as a teen but I just missed the mark, and these days I'm trying to drown myself in queer books, so that probably isn't happening.

As for your first question, geez, I haven’t read a French book in years, so this is gonna skew middle grade/YA, though that may not be so bad if the point is to learn the language. I will also say that as a result, these may read a little outdated.

I'll put it under a cut, even if Tumblr has become really bad with correctly displaying read mores. Sorry, mobile crowd.

It's also likely that old readers of the blog will have seen me talk about most of these. I don't feel like going through old posts.

One last thing: while I was curating this list I took the time to make a Goodreads shelf to keep track of those.

The Ewilan books by Pierre Bottero

(It's a testament to how long ago I read these books that these are not the covers of the edition I own, and I can't even find those on Google. I'm settling for a more recent cover anyway since it'll make it easier to find them, presumably)

There are at least three trilogies (that I know of) set in the same world.

The first trilogy is essentially an isekai (so, French girl lands in parallel fantasy world by accident) with elements of chosen one trope, though I find the execution makes it worth the while anyway.

The second trilogy is a direct sequel, so same protagonist but new threat, and the world gets expanded.

The third one is centered around a supporting characters from the previous books, and the first couple of books in it are more her backstory than a continuation, though the third one concludes both that trilogy and advances the story of the other books as well.

Notably these books have a really fun magic system where the characters "draw" things into existence. It's just stuck with me for some reason.

A bunch of stuff by Erik L'Homme

I have read a lot of this man's books, starting with Le Livre des Etoiles.

They also skew towards the young end of YA, arguably middle grade, I never bothered to figure out where to draw the line. They're coincidentally also using the premise of a parallel world to our own (and yes, connected to France again, the French are just as susceptible of writing about their homeland), but interestingly are set from the point of view of characters native to the parallel world.

It also has a very unique magic system, this one based on a mix of a runic alphabet and sort-of poetry. I'll also say specifically for these books that the characters stuck with me way more than others on this list, which is worth mentioning.

This trilogy is my favorite by Erik L'Homme, but I'll also mention Les Maîtres des brisants, which is a fantasy space opera with a pirate steampunk(?) vibe. I think it's steampunk. I could be mistaken. But it's in that vein. It's also middle grade, in my opinion not as good, but it could just be that it came out when I was older.

Another one is Phaenomen, which was a deliberate attempt at skewing older (though still YA). This one is set in our (then-)modern world and centers a group of teens who happen to have supernatural powers. I guess the best way to describe it is a superhero thriller? If you take "superhero" in the sense of "people with individualized powers", since they don't really do a lot of heroing.

...I really need to brush up on genre terminology, don't I.

The Ji series by Pierre Grimbert

This one is actually adult fantasy, though it definitely falls under "probably outdated". It is very straight, for starters, and I'd have to give it another read to give a more critical reading of how it handles race (it attempts to do it, and is well meaning, but I'm not sure it survives the test of time & scrutiny, basically).

If I haven't lost you already, the premise is this: a few generations ago, a weird man named Nol gathered emissaries from each nation of the world and took them to a trip to the titular Ji island. Nobody knows what went down here, but now in the present day, someone is trying to kill off all descendants from those emissaries, who are as a result forced to team up and figure out what's going on.

I'm not going to spoil past that, though I will say it has (surprise) a really unique magic system! I guess you can start to piece together what my younger self was interested in. Which, admittedly, I still am.

Once again, this one also has a strong cast of characters, helped by rich world building and the premise forcing the characters to come from many different cultures (though, again, I can't vouch for the handling of race because it's been too long).

The first series is complete by itself, though it has two sequel series as well, each focusing on the next generation in these families. Because yes, of course they all pair up and have kids. Like I said: very straight.

A whole lot of books by Jean-Louis Fetjaine

OFetjaine is a historian, and I guess he's really interested in Arthurian mythos especially, because he loves it so much he's written two separate high fantasy retellings of them! I'm not criticizing, mind you, we all need a hobby.

The former, the Elves trilogy (pictures above) is very traditional high fantasy. Elves, dwarves, orcs, a world which is definitely fictionalized with a pan-Celtic vibe to it. The holy grail and excalibur are around, but they're relics possessed by the elves and dwarves with very different powers than usual. Et cetera.

Fetjaine also really loves his elves (as the titles might imply), and while they're not exactly Tolkien elves, there's a similar vibe to them. If you like Tolkien and his elf boner, you'll probably like this too. And conversely, if that turns you off, these books probably also won't work for you.

This series also has a prequel trilogy, centered around the backstory of one of the main characters. I...honestly don't remember too much about it, but I liked it, so, there you go, I guess.

I said Fetjaine did it twice. The other series is the Merlin duology, which, as the title implies, is a retelling of Merlin's story. Note that Merlin is also in the other trilogy, but it's a different Merlin; like I said, completely different continuities and stories.

This one is historical fantasy, so it's set in actual Great Britain, and Fetjaine attempts to connect Arthur to a "real" historical figure...but, you know, Merlin is also half-elf and elves totally exist in Brocéliande, so, you know. History.

Okay, that's probably enough fantasy, let me give some classics too.

L'Arbre des possibles et autres histoires - Bernard Werber

Bernard Werber is a pretty seminal author of French sci-fi and I should probably be embarrassed that the only book of his that I read was for school, but, it is a really good one, so I'll include it anyway.

It's a novella collection, and when I say "sci-fi" I want to make it clear that it's very old school science fiction. It's more Frankenstein or Black Mirror than Star Trek, what we in French call the anticipation genre of science fiction: you take one piece of technology or cultural norm and project it into the future.

It has a pretty wide range of topics and tones, so it's bound to have some better than others. My personal faves were Du pain et des jeux, where football (non-American) has evolved into basically a wargame, and Tel maître, tel lion, where any animal is considered acceptable as a pet, no matter how absurd it is to keep as a pet. They're both on a comedic end, but there's more heartfelt stuff too.

L'Ecume des Jours - Boris Vian

(no cover because I can't find the one I have, and the ones I find are ugly)

This book is surrealist. Like, literally a part of the surrealist movement. It features things such as a lilypad growing inside a woman's lungs (and, as you well know, lilypads double in size every day, wink wink), the protagonist's apartment becoming larger and smaller to go with his mood and current financial situation, and more that I can't even recall at the moment because remembering this book is like trying to remember having an aneurysm.

It is also really, really fun and touching. Oh, and it has a pretty solid movie adaptation, starring Audrey Tautou, who I think an international audience would probably recognize from Amelie or the Da Vinci Code movie.

I don't really know what else to say. It's a really cool read!

Le Roi se meurt - Eugène Ionesco

Ionesco is somewhat famous worldwide so I wasn't even sure to include him here. He's a playwright who wrote in the "Theater of the Absurd" movement, and this play is part of that.

The premise of this play is that the King (of an unnamed land) is dying, and the land is dying with him. I don't really know what else to say. It's theater of the absurd. It kind of has to be experienced (the published version works fine, btw, no need to track down an actual performance, in my humble opinion).

The Plague - Albert Camus

You've probably heard of this one, and if you haven't, let me tell you about a guy called Carlos Maza

I'm honestly more including this book out of a sense of duty. The other three are books I genuinely liked and happen to be classics. This book was an awful read. But, um. It's kind of relevant now in a way it wasn't (or didn't feel, anyway) back in 2008 or 2009, when I read it. And I don't just mean because of our own plague, since Camus's plague is pretty famously an allegory for fascism, which my teenage self sneered at, and my adult self really regrets every feeling that way.

Okay, finally, some more lighthearted stuff, we gotta talk about the Belgian and French art of bande dessinée. How is it different from comic books or manga? Functionally, it isn't. It really comes down more to what gets published in the Belgian-French industry compared to the American comics industry, which is dominated by superheroes, or the Japanese manga industry, which, while I'm less familiar with it, I know has some big genre trends as well that are completely separate.

The Lanfeust series - Arleston and Tarquin

This is a YA mega-series, and I can't recommend all of it because I've lost track of the franchise's growth. Also note that I say "YA", but in this case it means something very different from an American understanding of YA. These books are pretty full of sex.

No, when I say YA I mean it has that level of maturity, for better or worse. The original series (Lanfeust de Troy) is high fantasy in a world where everyone has an individual magical ability but two characters find out they're gifted with an absolute power to make anything happen, and while it gets dark at times, it's still very lighthearted throughout, and the humor is...well, I think it's best described as teen boy humor. And it has a tendency to objectify its female characters, as you'll quickly parse out from the one cover I used here or if you browse more covers.

But still, it holds a special place in my heart, I guess. And on my shelves.

The sequel series, Lanfeust des Etoiles, turns it into a space opera, and goes a little overboard with the pop culture reference at times, though overall still maintains that balance of serious/at times dark story and lighthearted comedy.

After that the franchise is utter chaos to me, and I've lost track. I know there was another sequel series, which I dropped partway through, and a spinoff that retold part of the original series from the PoV of the main love interest (in the period of time she spent away from the main group). There was a comedy spin-off about the troll species unique to this world, a prequel series, probably more I don't even know exist.

Les Démons d'Alexia

Something I can probably be a little less ashamed of including here.

Some backstory here. The Editions Dupuis are a giant of the Belgian bande dessinée industry, and for many, many years I was subscribed to their weekly magazine. That magazine was (mostly) made up of excerpts from the various books that the éditions were publishing at the time; those that were made of comic strips would usually get a couple pages of individual scripts, while the ongoing narratives got cut into episodes that were a few pages long (out of a typical 48 page count for a single BD album). Among those were this series.

For the first few volumes, I wasn't super into this series, probably because I was a little too young and smack dab in the middle of my "trying to be one of the boys" phase. But around book 3 I got really invested, to the point where I own the second half of the series because I had canceled by subscription by then but still wanted to know more.

Alexia is an exorcist with unusual talents, but little control, who's introduced to a group that specializes in researching paranormal phenomena, solving cases that involve the paranormal, that kinda stuff.

As a result of the premise, the series has a pretty slow start since it has to build up mystery around the source of Alexia's powers, but once it gets going and we get to what is essentially the series' main conflict, it gets really interesting.

Plus, witches. I'm a simple gay who likes strong protagonists and witches.

Murena

There was a point where my mtyhology nerdery led me to look for more stuff about the historical cultures that created them, and so I'd be super into stuff set in ancient Rome (I'd say "or Greece or Egypt" but let's face it, it was almost always Rome).

Murena is a series set just before the start of Emperor Nero's rule. You know, the one who was emperor when Rome burned, and according to urban legend either caused the fire or played the fiddle while it did (note: "fiddle" is a very English saying, it's usually the lyre in other languages). He probably didn't, it probably was propaganda, but he was a) a Roman Emperor, none of whom were particularly stellar guys and b) mean to Christians, who eventually got to rewrite history. So he's got a bad rep.

The series goes for a very historical take on events, albeit fictionalized (the protagonist and main PoV, the titular Lucius Murena, is himself fictional) and attempts to humanize the people involved in those events. Each book also includes some of the sources used to justify how events and characters are depicted, which is a nice touch.

It's also divided in subseries called "cycles" (books 1-4, 5-8 and the ongoing one starts at 9). I stopped after 9, though I think it's mostly a case of not going to bookstores often anymore. Plus it took four years between 9 and 10, and again between 10 and 11. But the first eight books made for a pretty solid story that honestly felt somewhat concluded as is, so it's a good place to start.

[purplerose244]

Irrational - Chapter 3: Out of this world

Third day is here, with another piece for the @spacecampweek!

This one I really liked writing, it's honestly shameless fluff and romance so I hope you like that sort of thing 😂 In these the guys are adults, Seamus got his dream job and not only that! 😉😉

EDIT: I mentioned this in the AO3 chapter, but this story was inspired by this beautiful fanart made by @pastelideas! 🥰

Enjoy!! 💙

Summary: At last, it was finally here, the moment Seamus had been waiting for. A space suit secured onto him, the vastity of the universe outside the porthole, and the love of his life by his side. At last, he was making his dream come true.

Read it on the AO3

This was the most outstanding, most unbelievable moment of his life.

Everything was perfect, exactly like he had imagined… alright, not completely, but mostly because back in high school Seamus’ biggest aspiration was making it into college and finally leave that dang house with his dang father. It hadn’t turned out the way he had expected, the nostalgia had come out of nowhere while preparing his things to move to campus, his father’s tears had been out of this world – heh, the irony of now. All things considered, it had been a while since he dreamed about this moment, between one thing and the other.

Alas, it was a beautiful as it could get. It was dark and mysterious, completely different from what he was used to on Earth, but exactly for that absolutely intriguing. It was also light, luminous, in a way it was hard to described. It was everything he could had ever hoped for. Right there, only a porthole of distance. Right there, for him.

Krel’s laugh shook him from the trance, he was holding his helmet.

“Are you okay? It looks like you are having a core-attack.” His eyes were so soft today. It was a rare sight for someone that had gone through so much, even after years. Such a beautiful sight.

“I’m fine! Just… just nervous.” More than this prince could think. Seamus took a breath, tapping onto the pockets of his suit out of stress. “This is a pretty big moment for me.” Gosh he could feel his arms shaking underneath the cloth, this was so out of the blue. He had programmed this moment for so long, of course he did, but he didn’t doubt that something could go wrong. He hoped that at least, he could enjoy some, without immediately blaming the first error on himself. It was a really bad tendency of his, that hadn’t fully left him even after finishing college.

Unnatural blue eyes came into view, along with a grin. The blonde gulped, then he smiled when the prince pressed a quick kiss on his lips, before putting his helmet.

“Come on, astronaut, you’ve been waiting for this long enough!”

“This is the first time you’re calling me astronaut for a reason.”

“You do not get to say that after getting lost into your own thoughts once again, like a human floating in zero gravity.” He walked towards the exit of the ship. Seamus felt his stomach twitching. Every moment felt like a discovery. “Ready?”

Seamus patted his pants once again.

He breathed in and out, the sound echoing into the helmet. He nodded.

The way his horizon widened towards infinity stole his breath right away. It was night. It wasn’t of course, that was all space, yet it felt like an absolute, impossibly dark night. Gorgeous stellar world, where there was no bound, the limit put by Earth itself was completely broken. His eyes were fixed over the black sea above them, he couldn’t look away. Then he caught a mountain through his eyes and followed it to the ground. It was no cheese. He knew that, he had always known. Even so, he fact that he could actually go back on Earth and state one hundred percent that it wasn’t was filling him with a strange excitement mixed with tears. It was all gray and white. It was actually here. He would have been okay at looking at this forever, just to know that he had actually made it.

He heard another giggle behind his back, a whispered “Astronaut indeed”, so he forced himself to move a step, even though he was afraid to break such magic. No gravity. He actually laughed, feeling tears coming up. Like in the books, like in the simulation he had gone through, he was moving slowly without being pushed towards the ground. It was happening. He moved a second step. The same. He decided to jump, absolutely ecstatic.

Everything was possible. The moment he was detached from the ground he truly felt like everything was possible. His stomach was almost numb he was feeling this ecstatic. Then the descent happened, and he failed to calculate the timing, slowly landing over his butt. It didn’t hurt. It felt like he was trying to reach somewhere while in water.

Oh, Krel was having a blast at this. He couldn’t hear him, but his mouth was moving, and he was holding his stomach. Any other day Seamus would have rolled his eyes, trying to call him out on something else – “What are you laughing at, it takes half the time for you to get knocked out!” –, but today wasn’t one of these days. Today his boyfriend was simply glowing, immerse into his natural element, almost one with the infinite beauty of the moon and space all around them. He had never gone back to Akiridion-5, they had never visited, it was always Aja coming for him. It was the first time seeing him like this and it was a sight.

Better not say that to him though. He was already weak for him, especially today. Seamus pointed at his ear, the prince gulped and nodded, finally activating his communicator.

The blonde grinned, despite the embarrassment.

“Having fun over there, your majesty?”

“The most I have ever had ever since I taught that one math teacher how to deal with the third dimension.” He smirked, getting closer to him. Despite the extraterrestrial appearance, he seemed to move at his same speed. “What is up with you people and your will to test me, anyway?”

“First, it’s been eight years since the Math Duel. I was a jerk, I was still under my father’s wing, and you weren’t exactly making it easier by being all snarky about your votes.” Krel huffed. Again, better not say that that day had been the dealbreaker that had made the blonde realize just how much he wanted to know him – he was trying not to choke over here. “Second, that was a university teacher, you taught a university teacher how to do their job. That’s considered a little offensive.”

“Yeah, I have noticed. Humans are sensible.” He offered him a hand, pulling him up with two. “Clumsy too, I cannot believe your first mission is retrieving a broken rover. Bunch of globers.”

Seamus snickered, eyes down, getting pulled up.

“Again, eight years. Still calling everyone humans?”

“It is more of an endearing term at this point.” Krel smirked, pulling out his serrator. It was raised, projecting a map with a special location highlighted. It was a good thing his boyfriend liked to take charge. “Come on.” No way he could ever say no.

The moon was big. Of course it was, he had exhausted all of his local library with info about it, this wasn’t nothing new to him. Expect it was. It was nothing like the tales his mom used to read him before going to bed. It wasn’t like the magazines he used to sneak in the bathroom instead of doing his father’s math homework. It wasn’t like the posters of Arcadia’s planetarium, where he had been spending most of his time as a kid, and his very first date with Krel as a guy. It wasn’t the same because this time it was real, all around him. His mind was racing, every single thought was pulsing into the middle of his brain only to leave place for another, and another, and another, making him black out for a moment. When he realized that they were still walking, as fast as they could, and he was following Krel simply by instinct, he felt everything coming back to him.

This was real. This was beautifully real.

They walked near some kind of parking lot for spaceships – he had accepted he wasn’t going to find a lifeless desert on his first mission the moment he had asked an extraterrestrial to be his boyfriend –, where Krel was lingering with the eyes a little longer than normal. Seamus managed to catch up, noticing his vague stare. The place wasn’t familiar, that insecure look of him was. He let his hand touch one of his, asking permission and getting it as they were clenched together.

“Are you okay?” The prince sighed. He knew there was no point hiding anything from him, but he seemed reluctant at getting it out. “… is this from one of your adventures?”

“It is the Hunter’s Guild lunar outpost. It used to be an extremely menacing place, but after me, Aja and Varvatos defeated the Zeron Brotherhood years ago, now only a few unthreatening subjects frequent this place. Mostly foo-foo fighters, and they are in good terms with House Taron after helping defeating Morando.” Words flew out of his mouth rapidly, like he didn’t really care about them. “… it reminds me that… I am like them. An extraterrestrial, that is.” This is what he cared about. “I belong here, I know I do, so… sometimes I can’t help but wonder if I would have made a better choice if I had gone back to Akiridion-5 with Aja.” He breathed out. He wasn’t too keen at talking out his emotions, but he always felt better afterwards. It was a him thing.

Seamus laced an arm around his shoulders, bringing him closer to him. Wearing a suit in this place was still surreal and outstanding, but he still cursed it for not being able to feel him warm against him. Being close to this person didn’t stand the confrontation with the rest of the galaxy.

“We would’ve missed you. A lot.” Krel blinked and arched an eyebrow at him. “Okay, yeah, that’s a pretty standard encouragement. I’m just saying, you went through so much and then you decided yourself what to do with your life. That’s pretty amazing.” It went unsaid that it was something the both of them hadn’t been able to have for a long time, given their fathers. “You got through high school, colleges, part-time jobs, and how about your new lab?”

He got a smile out of him. Better, better.

“Someone had to make one, to teach you humans how to actually do engineering.”

“And I know it’s gonna be good for everyone. You even got that proposal to teach at university! You’re accomplishing so much here.” He hoped he wasn’t letting himself go too much. “Aja is an amazing queen, Varvatos visits all the time, and you’re living the life you want. Isn’t this good?” He swallowed, shrugging a little. “Isn’t it good… that I am in it, too?” Again, his body was shaking. He didn’t know if it was excitement still or something else. He got Krel to laugh some more, so it had to be good.

“That was also pretty standard to say.” Maybe not. “But… also pretty good. You are good.” Maybe yes. Anything to get even a bit of his smiles, even a bit of his good moods. “I do like my life. I would not have it any other way.” If Seamus was any worried, now he was no more.

If he had any doubt, now there was no space to.

… no pun intended.

It turned out that this really was a pretty fast trip, at least judging from the map. He would have thought the location would have given him more time to enjoy the moment and the company. Again, it was to be expected something going not according to plan, it was almost a characteristic from anyone who had ever spent even a single day in Arcadia. There was no time to sulk on that, not when he was getting over rocks and dunes all over, not when the moon was there, the most vivid of his dreams and the most concrete of realities. It was getting even more vivid inside of him, to the point his mind screamed stop and his heart shouted to keep going.

“-Gaylen 1, this is Houston, come in.-”

It all came crashing down into his mind as soon as the communicator broke his thoughts. Oh no. He tried to battle the shock and went to answer. Krel was faster. Kleb.

“Drop the codename Costas, it is just us.” The prince muttered under his breath, something about why humans were so obsessed with naming and formality for something as simple as space traveling. It would have been fun in any other situation. “What is the problem?”

“-Oh! Krel!-” That man was a much more respectable person than most, but he really didn’t know how to cover himself. It made him shudder in fear. “-I, huh, I didn’t expect you’d be the one answering…-” No no, don’t make it obvious. “-… any chance I could talk alone with your boyfriend instead? It’s a pretty urgent matter that involves only, uhm, certified astronauts. I hope you understand…-” What in the world, did he learn nothing in eight years of this Akiridion?

As predicted his boyfriend frowned, clearly not liking what he had just heard. He folded the lower pair of his arms, keeping two fingers of one upper over his communicator.

“Do I understand that I am being cut off the conversation even though I was the one that built the ship in the first place? Or do I understand that you and your superiors are not out of the target, considering all the trouble you had put my family and me in the past?” There was silence on the other line. If Costas wasn’t about to ruin his perfect day Seamus would have chuckled, especially with how shamelessly this extraterrestrial was addressing the government – his boyfriend just couldn’t help getting into a fight with the system every time. “If this is about the mission, I have every right to know. Unless you are actually hiding something from me…” Abort, abort!

He could almost feel Costas’ brain struggling to find a way to come up with whatever solution to whatever problem was happening. There was some whispering in the background, a few whispered curses most likely, and Krel’s scowl wasn’t getting any less intense.

“-Uhm… the mission requires some rock samples as well.-”

Was helmet-palm a thing? Seamus felt like making it a thing. His boyfriend gaped.

“… really?”

“-Yes, yes, absolutely! We don’t have that many samples anyway, especially from this area!-” An input was sent onto the map. “-Take your time, really, enjoy the view!-”

… ah. He needed to buy some time. Great.

Seamus took a breath, feeling the echo in the helmet again, going for the communicator.

“Copy that, we’ll follow the instruction. Gaylen 1, out.” He cut the communication quickly, in order not to give Krel the possibility to pose more questions and hoping Costas wasn’t that stupid to call back to make his point even further. “Alright, it’s not far, we can make it fast!” Which was the opposite of his plan. He didn’t know how much time it was needed, but he could gain some. Picking up rocks, not the most time spending activity, but it could work.

Probably. Again, nothing was certain when you came from Arcadia.

Krel looked taken aback, it was risky giving him time to think. Luckily, his pride was already taking over his curiosity, making him pout adorably while following him. Pretending everything was fine was easier when everything felt fine with him.

“Why do I get the feeling I am solely your assistant here?”

“You said it, not me. Maybe you’re intimidated by my leadership for this mission?”

A laugh. It was a beautiful sound, on Earth as much as on the moon.

“Wow, it is your first time stumbling in space and tripping onto a no gravity surface, and you already think of yourself as the expert.” Krel grinned back, because how could he not? “You humans truly need to learn some humbleness.” Said from him, pff, what a hypocrite. And a perceptive one, he seemed to read his thoughts, giggling.

Again, the most beautiful sound.

As it turned out, there was hardly any difference from the different areas on the moon, at least for his untrained eyes. Thinking that at some point he was going to be so knowledgeable to recognize every single zone like it was his old locker from school was beyond exciting. His suit had some compartments for small rocks, it was the best he could do without having brought along actual containers – Krel was calling out the unprofessional behavior, Seamus had simply nodded along. The gathering ended pretty quickly, there was little he could think of without giving everything away, especially with his brilliant boyfriend. He almost pondered if coming clean and wait for the rest was a better idea at this point.

Then, space came to the rescue. Or rather, Earth did. The sun was coming from behind it like a sunset, radiating orange light from afar. His world looked so little, so manageable, yet so precious at the same time. Seamus was starstruck, he couldn’t move. This was going beyond what he had hoped for, this was a completely different perspective. Everything was new and exciting, everything was a new birth coming out of what he already knew.

Before he could realize it, he was sitting down, admiring the view. Before he knew, Krel was by his side, holding his arm with his head resting onto his shoulder.

It was perfect. It was unexpected, and so very perfect. Seamus smiled.

“Hey.” The prince hummed next to him. “How about we forget the assistant part, and you get to be my date? This could be a date too.” Having a date on the moon with an alien, what a concept – his six years old self would have gone mad with happiness.

Krel snickered, snuggling closer.

“I guess it is better than nothing. I reclaim the duty of being the expert though.” He could let him have this one. Just this once. “… you know, I have seen something like this before.” His voice dropped a little, more vulnerable and intimate. “It was on the way to get to the Hunter’s Guild. The travel was uneventful, and so very long. Thank Seklos we did not use Stuart’s ship for this mission.” So this was why Krel had declined for him when the durian had proposed it – he had thought he was simply afraid of the stench on the ship… well, they were not mutually exclusive. “I have never spent so much time waiting before, it was exhausting, boring and unnerving. Then, the sunset had come out.” He smiled, eyes lightening up. “It was one of the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. It made me forget how wrong everything was in my life, even for just a moment.” Their fingers intertwined.

Again, Seamus cursed his suit. He wanted to be much closer to him, he always did.

“Space is pretty great, huh?”

“It was not space. I have been travelling through planets before that time, it is not that big of a deal for me anymore.” Krel pointed at that planet, theirplanet, that was slowly revealing its shining star. “It was Earth. Raw, dirty, unexpected, unbelievable Earth. It was the moment I had first thought that despite being a dumb heap, there was just something about it.” He laughed a little, sighing happily. “I believe it was the time I had first fell in love with this planet.”

His voice. His words. His posture. His eyes. Everything, everything about Krel right now was unparalleled, vivid. Him, so absolutely, outstandingly him.

Seamus had to swallow, to not let his voice crack.

“I came second then? Too late, that’s kind of a bummer.”

“You soolian.” He took his hand, pressing it against his glowing cheek. Again the dang suit. The intention alone though, it was enough to make Seamus feel warm. “One of the main reasons why I love Earth, is because it’s the reason why I met you. You were just in time.”

This was right. This was absolutely right.

At the end it was less a matter of letting as much time pass as possible and more the fact that neither of them wanted to move away, not even after the sunset had occurred. At some point the goal area was highlighted over the map again, making them remember that they were currently in space for a certain mission right now. The walk was mostly silent, Krel was really focused whenever he wanted to finish something important. Even so, Seamus couldn’t even think about the quietness, not with all the thoughts going around in his head. They were getting there, it was happening.

His breath almost stopped when Krel did, deactivating the map and looking around. He was frowning, turning over and over to have a clear view of his surroundings.

“What… where is the rover? I do not see it?”

Seamus swallowed. Nothing was around. Come on Costas, did he really need more time??

“Huh, are you sure? Maybe it’s behind some rock?”

“It’s a rover, it is not little! And we are in the middle of a monochromatic land, I believe I would notice something this distinct.” The prince walked around, two hands over his waist. “Did Costas give us the right coordinates? If he dares make such a mistake after pushing me aside during the mission I… huh?” A good sound. A very good sound. Soon the very distinct noise of wheels manifested, and a very little device arrived. It was done. “… this is no rover, and in no way broken.” Krel leaned down to have a look. Seamus did the same, but not to check. “Wait a sekton, this is not even terrestrial! What is going on?” When he touched the top of the device, something opened revealing the inside. A little box. “What? Seamus, what is…?”

Krel turned. He had to look down to find him, because while distracted the blonde had found the time to get on his knee, even without gravity. The way his face changed, from confused, to shocked, to understanding and then absolutely amazed, his hand covering his mouth, found his way into his heart for a memory that was going to last forever.

Like now, right now. This was the right moment after all. Seamus smiled.

“Sorry I tricked you, although it wasn’t completely a lie. My first mission is actually only exploratory, and I’m still having an absolute blast.” He really wished he didn’t have the helmet on right now, just to take in all of the view. Of this place. Of him. “When I was little, going to space was the biggest dream of my life, the reason why I put up with so much. Then, in high school, you came along, and turned into just another dream of mine. I couldn’t help myself wanting to turn the both of them true, in the same place, you know I’m an overachiever.” The prince wasn’t moving, his eyes were getting lucid and if it wasn’t the most amazing view in the entire universe. Seamus took a breather, stood up, and went over the little machine.

The Akiridion engineers had done a pretty good job, the device was clean and had conserved the box perfectly. Aja had gone crazy after he had told him what he wanted to do – her hugs were closer to chockers at this point. He got the box, turned around, to find his boyfriend in the same position, shaking completely.

“S-Seamus…” The blonde smiled, kneeling again. He opened the box. It was a simple ring, silver like the color of his perfectly polished inventions, an azure gem as the color of his eyes.

Sharp, to the point, like him. Beautifully him.

“I love you, so much. You made me stand up against my dad, you made me go beyond how my mom left, you always encouraged me to do what I wanted to do. You were there through everything, my best and my worst, and you’re still here now that I’m at this point. You made me a better person.” He took a deep breath, looking down just for a moment, to hold onto this second a little longer. “You are the smartest person I know, and at the same time the most caring of all. I wanna take care of you the way you always did with me, officially.” He swallowed, and finally looked up, struck by the beauty in front of him. “Krel Tarron, will you marry me?”

Words came out. At last, it was real.

Krel was completely unmoving, stuck in his position. It was a long, terrifying minute, one that still didn’t make Seamus doubt, not this time, not when he could feel the two of them this connected. Right after tears were born onto the prince’s eyes, not flowing down because of the lack of gravity, stuck onto his cheeks and floating into space. Creating stars of his own.

“Y-you gloober… y-you absolute soolian of a human…” He rubbed his eyes, almost angrily, but his grin was so wide it came out from behind his hands. “H-how am I supposed to kiss you now when you cannot take off your suit??”

Seamus laughed, standing up, feeling his own eyes pinching as well.

“Is it a yes?” Krel looked at him, his lips trembling. Then he reached out for him, fighting the gravity in order to launch himself between his arms.

“It’s a yes.”

[sweetsoundsofignorance]

Currently running around bugging people and I want to know your thoughts on this: if you had full creative control of the show, how would you run season 5? You can pick and choose whatever leaks you want to include.

Thank you for the ask! 💕 A very fun exercise, and there has been some excellent speculation from the fandom. I’ve enjoyed reading everyone’s takes on it that I’m almost inclined to create bingo cards out of everyone’s nuttier speculations and play Riverdale batshit bingo for the season, a la Cabin the Woods.

I should say Riverdale speculation and leaks can leave me feeling overwhelmed at times, so I drift in and out when they are circling. Therefore, this rant is limited to the leaks/speculation/trailer gifs I have seen or heard about because I have no self-control. I’ve also not seen 4x17 or 4x18 (though I feel like I have through a mishmash of so many GIFs and recaps and speculations). In my mind, 4x17 is just *insert gif of Betty standing in the middle of the woods holding a bloody rock* Atm, no one knows how we got there.

Given the beginning of season five will be the tail-end of season four, perhaps start there? This got away from me, so it’s under the cut.

I imagine they will close four with the reveal of the voyeur and Chic/Charles plotline (with Riverdale you never know where they’re going to be selectively sloppy). In that case, I have fully adopted the following speculation/serenity prayer: see @sullypants theory here. It’s the perfect level of batshit Riverdale and it’s consistent with the hypnosis (cannot keep a straight face just typing it) plotline. I know, consistent and Riverdale should never be in the same sentence without some negative participle in between. So, that “cleans up” the Bughead infidelity but leaves Varchie in the weeds (sigh). It would ex out Charles/Chic. The fallout would break up Falice, possibly.

 FP gets busted for all the shady shit he’s done as sheriff and has to flee the country, so hi, Canada, but no wrestle mania with the grizzly bears this time. Or he gets eaten by a bear. I don’t care.

 Veronica gains some self-agency and leaves for college. Though I want her to get out from under her father, loyalty to family is so engrained with the Lodges that I don’t see it happening. Maybe we’ll get lucky and Hiram’s terminal illness kills him. If Toni and Cheryl break up, Cheronica may happen through their rum business, which takes off. I would not be remiss if Cheryl and Veroncia were endgame, but I know it won’t shake out like that, so. Also, if it is hypnosis, I hope Veronica and Betty would still be friends long-distance.

 Toni takes the reins for the Southside, ends the rampant Serpent misogyny, actually makes the neighborhood a safe space for the residents, and works to end the cycle of poverty. She manages the White Wyrm, and yes, there are still strippers because nothing wrong with that, but the Serpent Dance is barely a footnote. I am curious if they will shoot around Vanessa’s pregnancy, but if they incorporate it into the show, I would not be against Cheryl and Toni having a child together. If they did not break up.

 For Jughead, he got his MFA at Iowa, but in true millennial fashion, never made it past that (for a great fic on the plight of the underemployed over-educated millennial see @imreallyloveleee head underwater). He might have written a first novel that was semi-popular, received a few good reviews but overall lambasted by the bigger names. Head canon is that it becomes a cult classic in later years, perhaps a screenplay. Hard forever no to him being an alcoholic, but I can see some Sideways-level angst dealing with trying to get over writer’s block (plus anxiety block based on the mediocre success of his first) for his next novel and some bitterness about his first novel, which may be the driving wedge between Jughead and whoever ends up being his SO in this scenario.

 Jughead as an English teacher gels for me. I’ve written him as an English teacher. I like reading him as an English Teacher (*cough* *cough* @geekspen). Though they flopped with the Jug and Jellybean relationship in season four, I always imagined Jughead from season one and that brief moment in season three as a very present and considerate big brother type. Based on those brief interactions we have gotten, I would believe Jughead is good with kids, especially teenagers. He’s had experience dealing with dumbass adolescents, i.e. the Serpents, and (kind of) keeping them in line, mainly by out-extra-ing the morons (see declaring himself gamemaster by ordering Cheryl to shoot an arrow through a can on his head). I see him being that curmudgeonly teacher that gets along with those grab-bag students on the edge of committing a crime out of sheer boredom who linger in their English teacher’s classrooms during lunch and after school (that’s how we started our creative writing club in high school), and that leads me to a head-canon about him starting, yes, a creative writing club or running the Blue and Gold. I love full-circle shit like that. I think he would be an objectively bad teacher but a very good one in the context of Riverdale, if that makes sense.

 Bughead long distance did not pan out, and Betty being Betty immersed herself in her career – degree in criminal psychology, BSU at the FBI, the whole shebang. Reports of a giant man with red eyes and wings seen in the vicinity of places where people are disappearing. FBI!Betty investigates these at her alma mater until one happens in Riverdale, which drags her investigation thattaway.

 Veronica is unhappy with her SO for whatever reason (not exactly jazzed about her being with a douche but ok). She is successful but wistful. Her father dies. She uses it as an excuse to break up with her SO and return to Riverdale to help her mother manage the estate. Because Veronica is successful in her own right, most of the estate goes to her mother and Hermosa. She returns to Pop’s one night for nostalgia’s sake. She signed the diner back over to Tate years ago.

 Jughead is there struggling to write after a fight with his SO.

 Side note: I don’t like love triangles. Even less, I don’t like setups for more infidelity, even if it would lead to my ship ending up together. I understand that is often the reality (I’ve witnessed it), but I think it is bad writing. So, for any of the core four’s respective SOs, please no cheating on them. Break it off. Learn from your mistakes. Therefore, Jughead soon breaks up with his SO after meeting Veronica in Pop’s.

 Veronica sits with him. Cue some reminiscing. Perhaps the mystery starts in the speakeasy, of which Veronica is still the partial owner. This connects Betty and Veronica down the road. Because Jughead witnessed it, Betty crosses paths with him.

 Initially, Betty is reticent to let Jughead get involved with her investigation. However, Jughead is just as obsessed with the mystery (because he’s him), so they keep running into each other. He gets in the way a few times (more tension). Eventually, Jughead ends up discovering some important piece of evidence that Betty needs, so she gives in. Before he joins her investigation, he may be keeping his own personal murder board in the Blue and Gold at school after hours… Lots of sexual tension. I’d even be down for friends with benefits because *insert gif of Donna accusing Betty of being addicted to Jug’s vitamin D*. But Betty knows she isn’t going to stay in Riverdale and they’ve already tried and failed long-distance, so she keeps putting on the brakes. Jughead starts to get his writing mojo back, too, because I will never not believe Betty is his muse.

 Archie. Oh Archie. Deployed overseas for a time, though I cannot stand the idea of giving this kid anymore PTSD. He returns, and for a while, spends most of his time alone at the old gym and in the Andrews home. His old army buddy shows up out of work. He works with Toni to create a real community center for the Southside youth because I enjoyed that poorly executed plotline in season four. This also gives his army buddy a job. His army buddy is from New Haven, so he ends up being a Mothman suspect, given it started at Betty’s alma mater.

 Through his work with Toni, he gets dragged into Jughead’s orbit. Maybe they both try to reactivate the community center’s big brother program together. It’s just very difficult for me to imagine Jughead accepting/forgiving Archie, and though I cannot imagine how they would resolve it, I would like to see it.

[emeraldbabygirl]

ATEEZ - Answer I’ve already stated why this song made me cry when I reviewed it over the summer. To attempt to put it shortly, I feel a sense of almost relief? It makes me feel proud of the boys in general and the songs feels like overcoming an obstacle and coming out stronger and just feeling overwhelmed by joy and happiness? And the part at the end really makes me just burst into tears it feels uplifting and beautiful.

MCND - Beautiful this song give me this nostalgia feeling, it sounds similar to a pop song I first heard in middle school (Down by Jay Sean). I started listening to pop in middle school and middle school is hell for everyone along with high school but there’s certain memories I have of middle school that weren’t too bad. I had a lot of friends, we filled up an entire table in the cafeteria. It was also in middle school that I sort of confessed to both my crushes. Middle school was different and new to me and ya’know middle school but this song reminds me of those times. Also about the song itself it gives me this feeling of longing and want like longing to fall in love and just it’s very strong and that really gets to me. (Upon looking up the lyrics it’s seems more like a song for the fans rather than a love song but that’s just the feeling it gives me and the way I interpret it)

Secret Number - Got That Boom recently this song has been making me feel things. Just the chorus is so upbeat and it feel like I can relax and just dance my heart out and just be happy and I don’t know if these girls will become an Itzy situation but there’s definitely something about the song that gives me kind of a similar feeling. I feel happy

CIX - Cinema ok so I never thought CIX would have this effect on me and up until recent songs didn’t give me these feelings and make me cry unless the song itself was sad. The way it’s been lately the songs I listen to can really sit with me and make me feel emotional even if the song is happy and upbeat. The way Cinema is, I’ve never used this phrasing before with anything, but the way I cried while just listening to the bridge and chorus in Cinema, that song is truly my safe place. Like my friend said “it feels like a hug” it does. That chorus gives me a feeling of nostalgia but in a way that makes it feel okay and it’s not a feeling that’s upsets me it’s literally a hug, it’s like a warm hug it feels like, like when I listen to it the way the members make their voices sound it’s relaxing and calming. It’s like whenever I hear the song, even if I’m watching a performance of it I feel calm, I feel okay. Like every bone in my body is at ease, every worry is melting away and I’m almost just floating on a cloud. I don’t exactly know how to put these feelings and emotions into words but I cannot praise Cinema enough.

OneWe & OneUs - Last Song this song is very upbeat and makes me feel joy and it doesn’t make me feel safe persay but it’s comforting. It’s another song that gives me a sense of longing. It’s like seeing an old friend again and reconnecting, like the ending credits to a really wholesome and wonderful movie about friendship and love amoung these friends that never stops growing. Just seeing all the clips in the mv of Oneus and Onewe together having fun and enjoying each other’s company, it’s almost like an end of summer recap having all these fun adventures and fun memories that you never want to forget and you will always cherish those memories and you want to keep those friends with you forever. And seeing them perform the song together on stage, the choreo has the same vibe it’s just a really feel good and wholesome song. (Also thinking about it now there also seems to be this sadness, like, ok in short sometimes I get really upset when I think about how I’m not little anymore. More on that later but this song feels like you’re just trying to be in the moment and preserve your youth, you don’t want to grow up, you don’t want things to change you want your friends to be with you always and you just want to live in this memory that you’ve captured foever and never grow up. That emotion is really strong here as well.)

Loona - Star a lot of people said this song gave them nostalgic feels and it’s crazy how that happened, it did for me too, as soon as I heard the chorus it hit me like a truck. I really don’t have the words to describe this song really other than that weird nostalgic feeling but it was weird how a lot of us had that feeling. The mv is beautiful and it’s crazy how I had memorized the chorus in the Korean version within a few days of watching them perform it. I really don’t know what to say about this song other than how amazing it is really. It kinda takes you back to a certain time in your life but I don’t know what that time it. Someone had said that they were listening to it while their mum was a asleep and the mum dreamed she was back in her hometown and she could hear that song play in the streets, it almost seems as if that song has time traveling powers or some power truly beyond humans lmao. She’s really something

Dreamcatcher - Odd Eye this song is hella but the bridge and the hard rock in the chorus sent me into fight or flight for the first time. I got another nostalgia feeling but with an image which never happens to me but basically picture it raining hard and you have extreme feelings of sadness and dread and you just want to almost scream?

Ghost9 - Thinking of Dawn another fight or flight song, it’s really weird tho but specifically Prince’s line in the bridge or chorus gave me a panic attack the first time I heard it, there’s something about the way the song and his voice sounds that like upsets me? And makes me want to cry. (Almost like this impending doom feeling. Similar vibes actually to that cursed Artificial Intelligence movie that I fucking loathe so goddamn much)

Twice - Cry for Me gurl this song gives me nostalgia like an early 2000’s but maybe late 90’s pop song and wow, it’s just so damn good I had to put it here

Sunmi - Pporoppipiiram - this song is another one that kinda plays with my emotions, I’ve described it as running away in the night with a secret lover, I’ve talked about wanting to just have these crazy night time shenanigans with a lover or friend and feeling free, it’s a song that I can see a sunrise in my head, the opening sounds and smells like a sunrise during the summer, possibly on the beach seeing the sun’s rays lighting up the ocean, the soft pink and orange glow, what Sunmi perfectly portrays in that mv is exactly what goes on in my mind whenever I listen to that song and she’s a certified bop™️ and that song is just so lovely but she’s got some feeling to it

2Z - Not Without You - motherfuckin 2Z came out with this song after Hyungwoong left and I was still upset about him leaving but I still wanted to support 2Z cause I wasn’t about to give up on them like that and the way this song was carried was gorgeous. I clearly cried, the way the song and the members voices make you feel comforted and kind of at peace with the world. It’s an uplifting song and the member’s sound wonderfully and Zunon’s voice was actually what brought me to tears, his singing is so gentle and truly beautiful and he fits right in with 2Z and when I realized that and I realized that 2Z can do all these things with their voices I just couldn’t help but cry. This song is like a huge sigh of relief but also tears of happiness

2Z - Stand nothing really specific about this song just the mv made me fucking cry at like 5 in the am. There was a big sad feeling tho

Yooa - Bon Voyage I never expected Yooa to get a solo but I was so blown away for her solo. It’s not a song that is a bop or really upbeat but it’s a gorgeous piece and with the way it sounds and the set and her outfits. It’s really the whole fantasy theme. It takes you away to a make believe world where you are free and you can just get away and escape. I don’t really know how to describe it but the scene where she’s on like rocks and she’s just spinning and it’s got that cool sound to the song, that scene describes the feeling perfectly

Pentagon - Daisy this fucking song. First off fuck you Pentagon for making me feel emotions yet making Yuto and Hongseok go tits up. Just seeing them all on the floor looking defeated or at a loss, it’s a painful feeling. It’s a song that makes me feel bad and towards the end I felt this feeling of fight or flight like, I wanted to stop watching it because I felt this inner panic for some reason like I had to get away. And then when they all sing together that really did me in, made me tear up and it’s a beautiful song but not in a beautiful way it’s painfully beautiful and the boys did so well in portraying all the feeling through their voices and just the different scenes in the mv

BlackPink - Lovesick Girls this song I call my self proclaimed anthem, I heard it for the first some time and it wasn’t until I watched them perform it for the first time that I teared up. At the time this happened I was really sad and I kept “slipping” so I felt very touch starved and clingy and I wanted just love and affection from anyone. I was feeling really lonely and the feeling was stronger than it’s ever been it I felt like crying all the time I was just so upset that I was lonely and I really wanted love and affection and this song was like my therapy for that I guess? I didn’t feel so alone. There’s a strong emotional bond I have with this, the desire and the need to fall in love and to just have attention from that one special person. I know the song is kind of about just feeling like you’re not cut out for falling in love and you know every relationship ends but there’s still that need, that desire to fall in love and be in love with another person, and with me I always say I don’t want to be in a relationship, I hate men, love is disgusting, but there’s thing strong desire and need inside me to be loved and to fall in love and sometimes, like when this song came out, you just get so upset that it feels like your heart is like in pain, like you hurt on the inside. That whole “hurts your heart” shit

Itzy - Wannabe I’m actually not going to explain why this song makes me cry I’m not ready to give the whole story yet and I probably won’t be. So in short, I heard this song when I was at quite a low point in my life I suppose, problems at work were just causing me to truly feel like shit and this song really hit me and actually the Wannabe era is what made me stan Itzy those girls are so precious to me and I hold them so close to my heart they are little miracles honestly and that song just really sits with me

I highly recommend all these songs they are so good and they have such beautiful and great mvs to go with them, some even cinematic masterpieces also this finna be my playlist for my funeral honestly. She doubles as the ‘play this at my funeral’ playlist

[carriagelamp]

September Book Roundup, back-to-school edition aka The Season Of Red apparently?

Here is a selection of the books I’ve read this month. Summer is over, so the little bit of brain power I had managed to scrape together is quickly disintegrating, so enjoying the hodge podge of stories.

Binti

This was probably my favourite book that I read this month. It’s a novella I first heard about hear on tumblr and went to find a copy in my library. I have since bought the collected trilogy so I can read book two and three at my leisure because it was honestly just that friggin cool. This is exactly my flavour of scifi and I tend to be very very picky about the scifi I consume. It’s about a girl named Binti, a member of the Himba people (a real group of indigenous people from Namibia). They are a people well known for their mathematical and technical prowess, but due to their strong connection to their homeland and the earth they choose not to travel through space like so many other humans do. However, when Binti secures a position at Oomza University, the greatest university in the galaxy, she chooses to go against her family’s wishes and traditions in order to set out into space to attend. Everything is ruined though when her spaceship is attacked by a hostile alien race and everyone is killed but Binti, who must rely on all her intellect and abilities if she wants any chance at survival.

A seriously cool book with great world building – it really successfully introduces readers not only to the fictional scifi world and races of the novel but also to the culture and traditions of the Himba people. It’s a quick read, and feels like a cross between Dead Space and Tamora Pierce. Would totally recommend a read.

Fake Blood

A Canadian graphic novel. It was a goofy cute read. It’s about an awkward group of friends in middle school, and one boy with a crush on one of the girls in his class. Knowing her love for vampire stories, AJ decides, like any self-respecting middle schooler, to try to pretend he’s a vampire. Naturally nothing goes right and some things go wrong in unexpected ways. It’s funny and cute. Nothing amazing but it was a cozy evening read.

The Last Book On The Left

I’ve been listening to this podcast a lot since my friend recommended it to me and finally decided to read their book. For those that don’t know, The Last Podcast On The Left is a immaculately researched comedy podcast that’s hosted by Ben Kissel, Marcus Parks, and Henry Zebrowski, and explores the darker realms of human nature. Ghosts, paranormal, aliens, cults, and of course serial killers. In this book they collected several of their biggest name serial killer series, did some renewed research, and put together a book that is both informative, irreverent, gross, and very funny, complete with some really amazing illustrations by Tom Neely. A very cool read (and listen, if you decide to check out the podcast instead), I really love how they tell these stories without idolizing or romanticizing the people they talk about. Their humour always makes sure you know exactly how much of a pathetic loser these people are. Fantastic true crime, from someone who has never really felt the need to read about true crime before.

Midnight Sun

I won’t harp on this one, everyone is already going to firmly have their opinions here. I grew up on Twilight, I was reading them as they came out, and I still love them. Were they dumb? Oh my god yes. Did they have problems? Sure, they came out in 2005 it was part and parcel. Were they also a really fun for a thirteen year old to read? Absolutely, I don’t regret it. Sometimes teenage girls should just to get like things without being mocked.

Anyway, I am off my soapbox now (can you tell this is still a raw spot for me?) I unironically loved this book! Getting to see Edward’s perspective was really cool, and since he can read minds it essentially let you get the perspective of everyone else around him too. The Cullens family is a great set of characters so it was really cool to see more of them, and I was very impressed by how Stephenie Meyers took a YA romance she wrote in 2005 and was able to make it feel updated and more appropriate for a 2020 audience even though she couldn’t actually change any of the events themselves. So fans of Twilight, don’t be ashamed, go read Midnight Sun and have the shameless fun you deserve. Is there anymore appropriate book for the bizarre ass year that was 2020 than a return to this goofy nonsense?

The Paperbag Princess

(and Up, Up, Down, and Robert Munsch in general)

I’m back in schools so I’m back to reading children’s book! And honestly, and of you that don’t occasionally sit down and read a kids book out loud don’t know what you’re missing. Anyway, Robert Munsch is a Canadian author, and one of my all-time favourite children’s authors. It surprised me to learn he isn’t as well known in the States apparently? I don’t know if that’s changed or not, but he is a Canadian staple for a good reason, his books have ridiculous premises, are specifically written to be fun to read out loud, and have beautiful, involved, and hilarious illustrations. The Paperbag Princess is one of my absolute favourites, and as a kid it was one of the first stories I had ever read where a princess is the one saving the prince… and then telling the prince to piss off when it turns out he’s a jerk. Up, Up, Down is another favourite I reread this month, because it’s just hilarious funny and makes a fantastic read aloud with kids. Some other Robert Munsch I reread this month include: Mmm, Cookies, More Pies, Ribbon Rescue, Just One Goal, and Andrew’s Loose Tooth. You just cannot go wrong, for kids or adults.

Pit Pony

Another Canadian staple while I was growing up. If you’re a young adult know who went through the Canadian elementary school system, you probably had your entire heart ripped out and stepped on by this chapter book. It’s a historical fiction that looks at the economic hardship, debt slavery, child labour, and animal abuse that was tied to coal mining in the Maritimes. Finding a copy was harder than I would have expected give how pervasive it was a decade or so back, but reading it again was a pure shot of nostalgia.

Seeking Refuge

A graphic novel written by a German-born Canadian about a Jewish girl who flees Nazi-occupied Austria by way of Kindertransport to become a child refuge in England. It follows her as she is moved from host family to host family as the war continues to pick up and gradually makes it’s way to the United Kingdom as well. It’s very poignant and the pencil-sketch illustrations are an interesting change to a lot of the graphic novels that are out right now. This story is still aimed at a younger audience, so it never gets too brutal but it still is a hard hitting story, especially with everything else going on right now.

Silver Spoon #9/10

I know I’ve talked about these books before, but my library got some more since I last read them, so I’m continuing my way through the series. It’s about a teenaged boy who, after having a breakdown from the pressure he was feeling to study and succeeded, decided not to attend an academic, urban high school, but rather to apply for an agricultural high school so he could live in the dorms, far away from his parents. The series just gets more and more heartwarming as it continues. It’s all about failure and overcoming and how worth can be measured in different ways, and about family and understanding each other and coming together… but also about the realities of farming which aren’t always very nice, especially when it comes to finances and survival. It’s written by the mangaka behind Fullmetal Alchemist but I’ll be honest… I think I like this series more. It is honestly one of my all time favourite manga series, it just has so much heart.

Ruby Finds A Worry

aka Ruby’s Worry apparently? I can’t figure out why this has more than one title. I actually read it in French not English, so for me it was Le Souci de Calie. Regardless, this was a nice little picture book for talking about worries and anxieties with children… especially with the amount of Covid stress a lot of kids are dealing with. It explains in a really nice way how talking about anxieties are often the best way to make them more manageable, and how pretending nothing is wrong can just let it grow bigger and bigger. A good explanation for kids and possible a good reminder for adults.

War of the Realms: Journey Into Mystery

I read this because the Mcelroy family wrote it so I figured Hey! Why not give it a go! And I’m glad I did. Their brand of humour was all over it, and it made the story a delight to read. I don’t follow all of Marvel’s weirdness, so I didn’t actually know most of the characters (Miles and Kate were actually the only two I was familiar with) but they do a great job of introducing the characters and making them all feel distinct and interesting. I absolutely adore the Dog of Gods (God of Dogs) who is a very very good boy. And Miles is absolutely always a delight so you can’t really lose. It’s a single book that I think is a part of a larger plotline that I have zero interest in. This book is a fine one to read though if you don’t mind jumping into the middle of the action and just getting swept along for the ride. Also Mcelroys!

Witcher Omnibus

Bleh. Absolutely not worth it. All the misogyny and Dumb Bullshit that I hate in the original books and from video games in general. Honestly, Witcher III did way better by its characters than most of these short stories. The only one worth reading in it is Curse Of Crows – that one was actually really enjoyable, probably because it was about Ciri and had an actual fucking woman on the writing team. (Seriously guys what were you thinking with Fox Children that’s literally just a story from Season of Storms but done worse. Fuck off.) If you like The Witcher, go read Curse of Crows and skip every other story in this book.

Billy Stuart: Les Zintrépides #1

Another French (Quebecois) book I read, though I believe you can get it in English as well (Billy Stuart and the Zintrepids). It’s a chapter book / graphic novel hybrid, and was honestly a fairly fun little read. It’s in a similar vein to Geronimo Stilton but done much better in my opinion. The humour was funnier, the characters felt less like caricatures, and while it still used stylized fonts it was also less intrusive and eye-strainy than the Stilton books. Also when the story suddenly pivots into the main adventure and mystery of the series? Fantastic. Was not expecting a hell-beast to appear part way through the story. Very interested in reading more.

Over all, it was cute and funny, and I can see it being a good next step when children have read their fill of the Stilton series and want something similar but possibly a bit more involved and coherent.

[lipstickbisous]

the rei brown series (2/3)

OUR LOVE REMAINS.

notes: here’s the second part!! one more after this haha. not much of a plot to these just meant to put you in your feels. butttttt, i did write this from the experience my mom had in the icu when she was a nurse.

this one is your p.o.v. and is a little bit longer but not much

i DID NOT KNOW if anyone would get offended by “latino” or “hispanic” so i used both im sorry.

LISTEN for better understanding.

also u guys REALLY LIKED the din fic so i guess...more of those?

pairing: javier peña x reader

summary: while rethinking all of the choices you’ve made in your life, memories of a certain person begin to flood in.

warnings: MORE ANGST ahahaha, childhood nostalgia, fluff ending

word count: 3.3k (these are not long chapters)

masterlist

you weren’t sure what time it was (you knew it wasn’t too late) and you hadn’t bothered to check as you stumbled through your doorway, one arm holding grocery bags and the other, your purse and papers from work. your hair had been stuck in the ponytail you threw it up in since the morning, but now, it was pulling at your scalp and giving you a headache.

managing to balance on one foot, you flipped the light switch in your entryway and watched as the first floor of your house illuminated in the night. the tiny dog you’d adopted a few months ago came padding out on the wood floors from the dining room, his tongue stuck out with loud pants to relieve himself of the texas summer heat. 

with a small “hey, bub,” to your pet, you placed the groceries on the kitchen counter and slipped off your clogs, throwing them at the bottom of your stairs so that you could be reminded to take them to your room when you went upstairs. for now, you reached into the glass cabinet and grasped a dark bottle of wine. the label read a fancy word in french, but growing up in kingsville, you’d never bothered to learn the language of love. you grew up in that rich latino and hispanic culture. 

this house had memories threatening to let it crumble, you knew that, but even after your parents had moved into a smaller apartment due to medical reasons and the fact that they couldn’t afford the house, you couldn’t bring yourself to move out of this town and just ditch them there--now the house was in your name. you didn’t know why it was so hard to leave--you’d been able to leave for university, but when you came back the summer after you’d graduated, something stuck. now, it had been twenty years and you had made no attempts to even leave kingsville. 

you popped the cork of the wine bottle open and instantly met that musky historic smell of the red alcohol. you had seven wine glasses in your cupboards, but you never had any friends over. you might occasionally invite a few girls you knew in high school, but if you were to hang out with people, it would be at a bar on friday and saturday nights. you watched as the wine splashed around the glass and when it was filled to your satisfaction, you pushed the cork back into its place and left the bottle on the counter.

as you made your way into the living room and collapsed on the couch, the little dog you called yours jumped up onto the high furniture the best he could due to his tiny legs. you searched your couch for the remote, pulling over the cushions and pillows before finding it buried under the arm. you switched the tv on and and flipped through the channels before settling on fifty-one. your dog curled up next to your lap and closed his eyes to sleep.

you didn’t for what you were sure was the next two hours. the movie that had been playing before ended the beginning of a new one had started until you realized your glass was empty and dry and your eyelids were getting heavier. you leaned your head back before rethinking how the day had gone. you’d shown up to the hospital for work at the crack of dawn and spent the next twelve hours wheeling around patients, taking diagnostics, and carrying their dirty dishes.

it definitely had not been the job you imagined when you were ten. you’d played doctor with your stuffed animals and plushes before but in those scenarios, the patients had been obedient in kind. unfortunately, fate had not been so kind and, while sitting in front of the television with an empty wine glass in your hand, your fingers grazing over the sore spot on your wrist. it was sure to be bruised, the one on your calf had turned purple and yellow in the past few days. you hissed when you applied just a bit too much pressure.

i spent four years at a college i hated to have this. you’d put it all on the line to have this job. you thought that by being a nurse in the fucking icu, you’d be saving people everyday. instead, you were groped, spat out, and ignored by everyone there. you deserved a glass of wine every night.

you knew that this was not healthy at all and that you were intoxicating yourself with far too much alcohol but the way your back ached, your calf bruised, and your head pounded drowned out whatever warnings your brain sent you.

suddenly, you managed to catch sight of the atomic clock sitting on your kitchen counter. bright crimson letters read “1:30 am.”, and with a far too heavy sigh that awoke the small dog next to you, you set the glass on your coffee table (you’d grab it in the morning when you weren’t so sad) and flipped the tv off before sauntering up the stairs. even at your age, you had still been terrified of the dark--you could barely walk down to your basement without a flashlight and by yourself--but you found that you were perfectly fine walking in the pitch-black of your upstairs hallway. your dog was quick to follow behind you, jumping onto your bed and waiting for you as you emotionlessly entered your bathroom and looked at your reflection.

who the fuck were you? how much time had passed and yet here you were, in your fucking childhood home all alone? you’d found love with many men over the years, but you hadn’t expected them to last--and they hadn’t. what had you done? had you left some sort of imprint in the world at all? you were never one for kids, everyone you knew was well aware of that, but how were you supposed to live on even when you were dead? in reality, abandonment and loneliness was your worst fear along with--

oh god, you thought in a shriveled voice. you’re gonna be forgotten. 

one part that hurt the most was the news. you’d gotten better at keeping up to date with pop culture and politics, and the pablo escobar situation had you worried for one reason and one reason only--javier peña. you’d seen him on the news, the DEA agent who had made it his responsibility and top priority to catch the famous drug lord. it was nice to see that he had gotten somewhere while the only time you’d ever really traveled was to paris for a christmas and then LA to see an old friend who you didn’t even talk to anymore. 

this was your life now. mindlessly wandering around your house after work, eating microwaved leftovers and carry-out from the diner.

god, that diner. it had been one of your favorite locations in the shitty town you called home--had been. the first time you went, you were suspicious due to the fact that the actual building was a different restaurant owned by a criminal before it was a diner, but javier had practically begged you to have a late dinner with him after an afternoon spent skipping your last few periods and driving around the outskirts of town in his truck. the wind had been blowing through your hair and you hung your head out of his window, letting your arms wave around, and you could’ve sworn you had felt him looking at you. 

that was the moment you were in love with javier peña.

you knew that you had been lying to yourself up until that moment because since the first day you met javier when driving past their ranch and stopping to look at the horses, you’d been in love. you couldn’t even think about how many days were spent writing poetry about him that now seemed stupid and childish. you’d told yourself it was an outlet for your feelings, but you had really written it because you were too much of a bitch to come out and tell javi. maybe that hadn’t been your fault--you’d witnessed, first hand, javier rejecting a girl in sixth grade. you watched her nod and tell him “oh, that’s okay” but then run away into the bathrooms. javier had continued on to tell you about a new foal on their farm.

you remembered the horses. you missed them too. if it hadn’t been them roaming about in the pastures, or the great stallion that caught your attention while on that family car ride, you would’ve never met javier. you weren’t sure if he judged you for it or not, but every time chucho needed help around the farm, and javier was too much of a brat and a teenager to do it, you had gladly offered. so, chucho peña had put you in charge of the foals. there was one in particular, a small one with a white coat, that had piqued your interest. there was a day, one in the middle of the summer if you could remember correctly, where you and javi had just run out to the fields while the rest of the horses stayed in their stables. javi had been excited since his father had gifted him with a new camera, and he had spent all day taking pictures of--and to this day, you still didn’t notice it--only you. 

while brushing your teeth, carefully placing a small dot of paste on your toothbrush, you began to scrub in small circles. how long had it been since you and javi had last talked? even then, it had barely been a conversation. a simple exchanged of very few words, a goodbye that went misheard, and that was it. when you had called his home phone the next morning, instead of javi replying like he always did, it had been chucho’s voice instead, muffling an annoyed “hello?” but when he heard the exhaustion and lightness of your voice, he carefully explained that javi had already left.

you hadn’t felt heartbroken--not at first. in fact, there was barely any sadness in that tired head and upset stomach. you were infuriated. how could he? how dare he? he had been such a coward that he couldn’t even say goodbye and it angered you more than you thought it ever would--not that you had ever thought about javier leaving before because he said he wouldn’t even consider it. and now, he had left you alone your fucked up hometown that you’d always told him you hated so much. then, about three days alone without javier (which was something you weren’t used to) you’d realized that there was a large possibility this could’ve been your fault.

had you been a bad friend recent to his leaving? yes, you had been acting distant, but it was due to normal events, such as school and...the fact that you were hopelessly in love with him. it had been harder to talk with senior year ending and college coming up, but you hadn’t never thought he could just turn himself away like that. never.

and not once had javi tried to contact you. he, of course, knew your number by heart, but after all these years, he’d probably had hundreds of girls phone numbers--in fact, you were sure that if hadn’t been a DEA agent hooked with the most dangerous man on the earth, you would’ve expected him to be married already. you had gone to the wedding. you’d seen how the church was decorated, how each and every guest wore plastered smiles--just the idea of seeing javi made you giddy and you’d worn your best dress you could find. even after returning from university, javier didn’t visit or call. you also remembered hearing lorraine sobbing when her groom didn’t show.

javier was not the type of person to stand someone up. you didn’t know what he was like now, but as teenagers, if he ever had a date (which wasn’t often because even if you didn’t know it, he was hopelessly in love with you) he would arrive five minutes early. 

the one time javi did have a date, you stayed home and watched one of his favorite movies while crying. you hated to admit that the next day, when he admitted to you he didn’t like the girl that much, you were excited.

suddenly, you remembered how this was completely your fault. you had always blamed javier for never calling or writing, but then you realized that you had never made the attempt either.

“fuckin’ hell,” you whispered and washed off your toothbrush. as a nurse, you didn’t normally cake yourself with makeup, but you did wear the average concealer, mascara, and lipstick or gloss. you took one look at your reflection and noticed that your mascara was currently running. when did i cry? you asked yourself and exited the bathroom, not bothering to remove your makeup.

your room was next door and when you walked inside, your dog was patiently waiting next to your nightstand and- god, did i leave the fucking light on again? you felt like slapping yourself until your head was straight because it wasn’t right to think about someone you haven’t seen in twenty years.

you slipped off your pants, leaving you in expensive panties you’d gotten for no reason at all. you threw off your scrubs, discarding them onto the floor with a light air sound and replacing your shirt with a tank-top. your bed had been so perfectly made that it almost annoyed you. you threw yourself onto your bed and began to rub your eyes. it wouldn’t matter if you messed up the mascara because there was nothing to mess up. 

hoping the sleep would rid you of the horrible thoughts, you flipped the lamp next to your bed off and pressed a pillow to your cheek. the small dog at your feet curled up rested his eyes. you did the same.

it would’ve been physically best for your health if you had gone at least six hours of sleeping without any interruption, but one moment in the night, the phone on your nightstand began to blare its ringtone. your eyes shot open and began to burn slightly from a sudden awakening. the sound had scared your dog, who jumped to the ground in protection of whatever the source was until he realized it was the telephone. you groaned with heavy eyelids and looked to the clock. two-twenty five am. as soon as you went to answer the call, it went to dial tone. 

more frustrated than before because you really just wanted to sleep, you groaned and flung yourself back into bed. of course, now you were awake.

but then, the phone began to ring again. it had seemed louder this time and your dog barked in the most un-intimidating way possible before you threw a pillow at the spot next to him to get him quiet. you held the phone close to your ear and spoke a tired, “hello?” the line was silent and at first, you were terrified because you could’ve sworn you heard someone breathing. another one of these. “hello?”

part of this was exciting to you. while it was extremely frustrating to be awoken a few hours before you normally rose to get ready for work, your mind was racing during the silent pause between you and this stranger. who could it be? perhaps it was chucho telling you that javier could be coming home, but you cursed yourself for thinking of that man and dismissed the idea. maybe it was your mom calling to tell you how your father had gotten better and, for now at least, the cancer was gone. 

“(y/n)?”

―

while the reason behind it remained unclear, you had always loved airports. the cleaning-product smell, the diverse people, the small restaurants, even the feeling of the carpet--or the feeling of that when in an airport, you were going somewhere.

it had always been about going somewhere. javier knew this since fifth grade, that you had always wanted to just leave kingsville, texas. maybe you would move to new york, or philadelphia, or even go to london and paris. they had been silly daydreams due to reading too many of your mother’s travel books, but paris had always looked so nice. maybe even visit mexico--you’d already been well immersed in the culture.

but that wasn’t why you were here. you were here for something that was long overdue.

after the phone call that night, you javier had made sure to call each other every other day at ten o’clock pm. there had been some days where you had to stay late at the hospital or javi was chasing sicarios and didn’t get home until midnight--those nights, you would either fall asleep or just call the next day, but you both had made a good schedule. it definitely hadn’t been the same as when you were teenagers, and you didn’t expect it to be. his voice was much deeper and raspier (you knew it was because of the cigarettes, you could practically smell them through the phone) and his voice wasn’t as...lively anymore. you felt that you couldn’t say much, though, because the years had been rough to you as well.

he had told you everything. your thoughts on how he was living was wrong--he told you of the countless informants and prostitutes, how the colombian sun was definitely hotter than the texan sun and even to him it had made a difference. when you both had too much to drink and were passing back funny stories, his was that he had grown a mustache. you had laughed at that one because if you could imagine the clean-shaved, teenage boy that javier once was with a mustache, it was a hilarious thought.

all-in-all, it had still been painful to talk to someone you knew so well like they were a stranger. at first, you had asked yourself if he’d changed but you caught yourself in the stupid thought. of course, he had changed. it had been twenty fucking years and even you had noticed the faint lines starting to appear around your face. 

it had taken almost half a year of phone calls, missed and attended, happy and sad to be where you were now.

the airport bustling had also been one of your favorite things too. the countless and various voices all coming together to make a white noise that was so distinct. 

you were standing near the entrance, watching as families reunited, lovers embraced, and yet you stood alone. it had been over ten minutes since when javier was supposed to show. if you were being honest with yourself, what did you expect? he would just appear out of thin air in the middle of a crowd? you hoped the flight from bogotá had been peaceful and well. there hadn’t been any storms passing by, baggage loading problems, or anything that could possibly delay the plane, so there was no reason for javier not to be there.

unless...you began to think and it had been too late to stop yourself from completing the thought. maybe he just didn’t want to. 

like when he rejected that girl in sixth grade. like when he left you alone in kingsville. like when abandoned his bride at their own fucking wedding.

suddenly, you felt angry. your blood was boiling, your hands felt hot, the hair on your neck became irritating, and the winter heat of texas began to scorch, even in air conditioning. you ran a hand down your face, feeling two beads of sweat trickle down a path to your chin. your foot, which had been tapping for the past now fifteen minutes turned on its heel as you made your way to the glass doors.

your car was just outside. you wouldn’t even have to walk that far, and then you could drive home, cry yourself to sleep, and call javier about this some other time.

“(y/n)!”

tags: @pascalisthepunkest @javierpenaspinkshirt @gummiishark @cyarikaaa @larakasser @pedropasscals @honeyedspace @talesfromtheguild @absurdthirst

[raspberryfanfics]

Six—NTmonth Day 15

Day 15—Witches and Warlocks

I’m late but you don’t care and neither do I. I burned out during the first week. So here’s another Harry Potter crossover. This can be a standalone but feel free to read part one!

Part 1 on FFn

Six on FFN

—

It's quiet outside. Quiet apart from a few familiar hits of a couple of owls, breaking the cold silence with weary conversation. Yet a figure draws out of the shadow and the hooting halts for a moment, curious of the strangers walking along their path.

The person wears a long tan wool trench, though bulky, does nothing to hide an elegant figure as when she walks, her lean legs, looking taller with the pleats on her grey pants. Her leather loafers look new. Maybe she often cleans them, though it wouldn't come as a surprise if she is good enough not to get them dirty. Her hands are gloved in black. There's a scarf of red and gold wrapped tightly around her neck, the only article of clothing with colour. Her footsteps are nearly soundless but even so, the soft clicks that are made command attention among the owls, her presence powerful.

One owl hands on the black lamppost, talons scraping onto the metal as he silently folds his wings. The woman glances up and examines its shape, brings up the crook of her elbow as if placing it onto a tall counter. The bird lands on her forearm, dipping his head in greeting.

"Ah, it's you, Kaiten. It's been quite a while, hasn't it?" her voice is calm and deep, though the deepness comes from her slow calmness rather than her actual voice. Yet it is effective. Her voice makes her seem more mature than she looks, a soft face with large eyes, colour indistinguishable under the glare of the darkness, and hair tied into two buns at the sides of her head.

Kaiten hoots in greeting. There is nothing tired around his ankle, she notices.

"Are you here alone?" she smiles, "I expected him to be with you, though it could be that you are meeting him here. I am, as well."

Her words almost seem to bring the anticipated footsteps of him, his heavier, but are just as intimidating and as confident as hers. She slowly turns around and focuses on the person she has been expecting, or expecting her.

He's dressed similarly to her. However, his trench is navy rather than tan and it's unbuttoned, revealing a black vest under a white button-up that seems to shine in the dark. While her shoes are pebbled, his are smooth and glossy and reflect every bit of the light. His scarf was of the same material, a thick knit, but the colours were of blue and silver rather than red and gold. Perhaps the most distinguishable difference is his long black hair flowing down to his waist, tied into a very low ponytail with a silver band. His bangs reach his collarbones and they drift in the wind, resembling a ribbon rather than the messiness that hair usually reacts under the breeze. Though her dark eyes were hard to say much about, it is easy to see that his eyes are silver, and they stare into hers.

She stays still, holding his gaze, face without any expression. The woman doesn't allow herself to feel much at the contact. Her chin tilts down in greeting, as he does the same. As he was the one who has requested their meeting, she waits for him to speak first. She is looking for a direct answer to why she is meeting him, now, in the night, in the break they have had from speaking.

Instead, he looks at the owl, who's snowy feathers start to resemble his eyes when one looks closely and quirks the tip of his eyebrow, almost amused.

"It has been long since Kaiten has not tried to terrorize a sorcerer in his path,"

"Perhaps he likes me," she says, untying the sash of her coat and taking out a series of seeds, allowing him to eat from the palm of her hand. "Or perhaps he recalls that I carry food in my pocket. I fed him well."

He nods. "Is Bō—"

"Bō passed a couple of years back. Murdered while carrying classified information." the woman explains, nearly emotionless. However, there is a glance of sympathy in his eyes that she does not miss and confuses her, however, she does not let it show.

"It has been a while, Miss Long,"

She gives a bitter chuckle. "Are we already past the point that we cannot address each other by our first names?"

She purposely leaves out his name, not knowing what to say. She'll allow him to decide whether he wants to continue calling her by her last name or her first. So she waits for him to walk up to her before pacing with him along the cobblestone path, weaving through turns and intersections at a moderate pace. His skin looks warmer under the orange glare of the lamps but she knows of the usual paleness, resembling porcelain rather than sand. Yet her attention focuses more on the lack of accessories on his hand apart from the Hyuga crest on his middle finger and a silver swirl on his pointer.

She hasn't seen that ring before, not on him at least. Perhaps it is another crest. But she has seen it on other people and he isn't the type to engage in trends. What's more important is that there is no ring on his ring finger, which doesn't come as much as a surprise considering that he was on the newest Witch Weekly's Britain's Most Eligible Bachelors. She knows he is still officially single. Just like her.

Of the past six years, she has made four Britain's Most Eligible Bachelorettes on Warlocked Magazine and he has made all. In a strange way, it bothers her that he has remained single all these years while she has had a good handful scattered everywhere and was in a serious one in the years she didn't make the magazine. It nearly feels like he has been faithful to her, but there are far more reasons to disprove his faith.

"I'm sure you have heard of the Akastuki's rising," he starts. She nods. Since the organization started to murder people in every corner of the world, that's all the witches and wizards have been speaking of. Few people do not know of it.

"There is an order looking to defy the ministry and to rebel against them. Tsunade herself is leading it. So far, Naruto, Sakura, and Shikamaru, a few professors, and Hinata are in. There are more, but we're still recruiting. He pauses "We need you, Tenten."

She freezes. Tenten does not respond. The idea sounds like a hopeless school club but appealing nonetheless. Yet there are too many things, things she would not have thought of when they were still young that keep her from really considering.

"I'm not sure you do," she says, but she wishes so in another way that has nothing to do with the order.

"Tenten, you're the youngest witch to ever be appointed Head Auror. They say you've put 200 in Azkaban. You're more powerful than you know."

"You need my title, not my power," she says instead. "Isn't that right, Neji."

He shakes his head. "You're extremely talented—"

"I am. I am Neji, but most of the people you just told me about are better at magic than I am. They were qualified to be Aurors. Many Aurors are better than I am. I only hold the position because the minister or magic needed a drastic change. How well do you think my name and power will work when I am in Azkaban? You don't need me. You've put far more people in Azkaban than I have."

Neji Hyuga is a member of the Wizengamot. He's a part of the jury who decides on the new laws of the wizarding world and also of the results during a trial. Tenten is the head Auror, a position that is usually handed out to people in their forties, the youngest before her in their mid-thirties. Neji, on the other hand, was offered the position at twenty-one, while most Wizengamont members were at least sixty, nearly retired. It was inevitable that he would be the Cheif Warlock very soon.

He speaks of her power highly, as if his position is not much higher than hers. But their power difference was not always so drastic.

In the over four years that they had been dating, they had been going along similar paths. Both went under the three years of Auror training and made it out with high grades, his better than hers of course. He was good at everything, better at everything except for transfigurations. But a scout found him, found his calmness, his level-headedness, his intense demeanour as the perfect candidate for a Wizengamot member, despite being so young. Not to mention that his name happens to be filled with history, probably the purest of the country. Almost disgustingly so.

"We don't need your name. The organization is secret. We need your power, your position. It will be easy for you to know the details of criminals and feed false information to the ministry. You are in charge of recruiting both the trainees and the Aurors. Your intuition is astoundingly good. You can spy without the need of being subtle or cautious. Do you not understand?"

"I understand my power," she says. "But you know just as well that power will not win a war."

Neji nods. Clouds clear, revealing a moon similar in colour to his eyes. Yet the weather remains cold, the streets remain desolate. The area provides an almost nostalgic setting. It could be nostalgic.

She, Neji, and Lee, a former classmate who is now a professional Quidditch player, used to sneak out of their homes, or orphanage in Lee's case, and play. They were teenagers by the time they met, so it was mostly to play wizard's chess and Gobstones in the parks or wander into muggle stores where they'd explain the use of items to Neji.

And the winter where all of them were finally seventeen, they'd duel in the forests, able to use magic. They'd rescue frozen cats and heal injured birds, would feed stray dogs scraps of food they'd steal from the butchers. When they began dating, they came here on dates, showing him hot chocolate, then ice cream. Yet after the massacre happened near the town, a reputation developed for dark things happening and the area deserted.

This place was good for one reason: secrecy. Their history allowed them to use memories as place names and times. Here, it was convenient. It was not for nostalgia. Tenten barely spared second glances to the cafes and ice cream shops they had gone to.

Won't you join anyway?

She said nothing, unsure.

"Tenten, your righteousness surely cannot fail you now."

He was answered by a sharp how of wind and the slicking of their shoes.

"Forgive me that I do not want to participate in an order that will start a war."

"That's awfully hypocritical coming from a witch who makes money off of conflict."

"Do you not also make money off of conflict, Neji Hyuga?"

"I am trying to end the war, Tenten Long."

"How do you not think that it is what I am trying to do as well? I am neither the best nor the most experienced Auror. I am more progressive than half of them combined. Do you know how hard it was to get this promotion? While you diddle daddle in meetings and recruitments, I'm cautiously watching every action of the blood-supremacist Aurors and firing them. I'm slowly imposing more guidelines to control the brutality and the hate crime our own are committing. Less extreme measures. The new recruits have been screened so tightly that any unnecessary accounts of violence or hateful comments do not make it. But everyone is watching me. Those old members of the Wizengamot will use any excuse to get me out of power. They'll throw in a violent head who allows the uses of the unforgivables. I'm trying to end this current war, not stop the upcoming one."

Neji's face hardens. "I cannot see how someone as noble as you are so afraid of joining the order."

Tenten scoffs. "I'm not noble—"

"You know why you made Head Girl in our seventh year but didn't make Prefect?"

She recalls how he was both Prefect and head boy. And she made has wondered. She wasn't the smartest or the kindest or the most anything. Tenten had asked him countless times why he thought she had made head girl but he would never tell her.

"You were good. You brought out the best in everyone. You did what you believed was right and would make sure others would do so. I had heard Professor Yuhi say to Professor Hatake that you were the role model that all Gryffindor should aspire to be.

"She didn't," Tenten can hardly believe he potions professor would say such a thing about her. It seems all too much.

"You know I wouldn't lie about that, Ten."

She can only let her heart ache at the sound of the name he used to call her, but should not have much more meaning. She can only wince and stand her ground. "

It's been six years, Neji." she whispers as her voice drowns among the trembling leaves and rain dripping off roofs.

Tenten has held off on thinking about them since she got his owl. It has been all too much now. Six years ago, they were freshly graduated from the Auror academy. New recruits sent on easier cases. Maybe half a year later, they had gained the trust of many seniors and they were partners, developing strategies, blending together like dance partners.

She still remembers how loving him felt. It was too good, impossible, almost.

They were twenty-one. They had been dating for four years and she thought it was possible that he'd even propose. Even now, she doesn't blame herself for thinking so. He had consistently disappeared more and more. He stuttered to her more. And the chemistry wasn't gone. He couldn't have been cheating. He wouldn't ever.

But one day, he just left.

She woke up and half his stuff was gone, mostly pictures, even of them, his scarf, his favourite robes, and obviously his wand. He didn't show up to work. She was told that he resigned and she was offered to either have a new partner or to work alone. And she chose the latter.

Tenten had sent her owl to deliver countless letters to him, pouring her heart out, begging him to come back home, to work with her again, to tell her why he was gone. But he never wrote back until she found his name in the daily prophet, announcing his new position as the new Wizengamot member. She wrote to his work address and her reply only explained how he got the position rather than why he left her. And it was completely professional, not an ounce of emotion.

She had never followed Witch Weekly magazines until then, hoping for glimpses of the guy who ghosted her and broke her heart. Even now, she still isn't over him, her first love, likely her only. Tenten wonders if he still cars about her the way he did when they were seventeen.

He cast his first Patronus, the spell he could not master because it used one's most powerful memories, after their first kiss over the top of the Ravenclaw Tower, a place she should not have been. He had snuck her there. His Patronus took form as a falcon, resembling his serious and strict demeanour, intimidating and sharp.

She wonders if his Patronus has changed form, as Patronuses sometimes do to resemble one's personality. Hers has. Every time she mumbles those incantations, no matter which memory she uses, a swan spills out from her wand instead of a leopardess. It's a bird, like his. Maybe it's because she will never get over him, will always belong to him in her heart.

"Tenten, you can't possibly be naive enough to believe that this can be solved without war. It's either that or you just don't want to do anything I ask of you. The order is asking, not me."

"So you don't care about whether or not I join. Following someone's orders without a second thought of doing what you'd like to yourself," she spits out bitterly. A flinch reaches across his body. Her words may have reached deeper than she would have thought.

"Of course I agree with their course of action."

"Well, of course, you do. You always just obey rules, never bend or break them. And of course, you're a part of the order and have enough respect that even if your name leaks out, your job is secure. You still have enough money to sustain yourself for another century."

His face hardens and his adam's apple, shadows crossed deeply over his neck, bobs slowly. "I do not follow every rule—"

"One instance, Neji," she says, controlling her voice despite the way she wants to scream at him. Gravel shakes behind her.

"Ravenclaw tower. I shouldn't have snuck you—"

"That's shit, Hyuga. You snuck me into your common room and that's the only rule you've ever broken? You've never done anything. Not to sneak socks and scarves for the house-elves. To let the first-years drenched because they were lost, use the prefect baths. Stealing ingredients from the potions cabinet because some muggle-borns couldn't afford it. But no, the worst you've ever done is put a Gryffindor Head Girl in the secret Ravenclaw tower so you could kiss her into submission for the rest of her life. Tell me, did you leave me without saying goodbye because your uncle told you to or because you didn't love me. I bet it's both."

"Tenten!" he yells. His voice quivers like the leaves, he shakes with the wind.

"Dammit, Neji!" Tenten has her wand out now. She doesn't know why but she feels vulnerable and whenever she feels vulnerable, she has her wand out. "Deny it! I dare you to deny it!"

"I—I cared, but—" he doesn't muster out much after that.

"Yea, I thought so," she swallows, wraps her scarf tighter. There's a spell on it to protect her from the cold but it still feels freezing. Neji won't look at her. He won't deny or admit anything. She can only ask one thing of him. "Cast your Patronus."

The man freezes, his fists form into tight balls. She catches his every movement, analyzes his movements as she does to a suspect. But she can read suspects. She can't read him.

His lips, pale but still red from dryness, press together. Wind pushes by him, almost trying to rip through this trench coat, to unravel his scarf. His eyebrows knit but his face appears to be the only thing that moves. He doesn't reach for his wand.

"Cast it!"

He slowly shakes his head. Neji's voice runs deep. "I cannot."

Tenten bites her lips and trembles, just slightly. "Six years. It's the first time you've reached out to me in six years and still, it's not an apology. I—I just need to see if—if it has changed."

"I haven't been able to cast a Patronus in—six years, Ten," he says. "Not even a wisp."

She can't move. It's like she's petrified. Had he been broken too?

Tenten swirls her wand in a circle and yells. "Expecto Patronum!"

A silver ribbon of light flows from the tip of her wand, it starts to dip into the ground, forming into a puddle until shapes weave together into a swan. It starts to fly, around her, around him, and slowly goes into the forest behind them, exploring. Everything around them is dark, greys, blacks, but her swan is a glow of warm blue light. It makes him look lovelier, the colour of her Patronus now the colour of his eyes, glued onto it.

"Tell me why—" her voice cracks abruptly. "Why for the past six years, I've been casting a bird that represents everlasting faith instead of a leopardess that's supposed to represent fierceness.

His gaze is focused on the figure cast of her happy memories, ones surrounding memories of him and Lee, bittersweet, but also marvellous. "Every memory I had used to cast a Patronus doesn't bring me joy anymore. I cannot feel anything but guilt and regret now."

Even though she wants to say he deserves it, he deserves constant sadness, depression, six years is a long time. It's more than the time they had been dating. And he's been on all six issues of Britain's Most Eligible Bachelors—

"You bastard," she nearly sobs. "Why the bloody hell did you leave me?"

He starts closer to her. "I was wrong. You were right. You were always right. It was my uncle. I was afraid of being disowned and I thought I'd be nothing, that I would have nothing but not having you—god, Tenten, it's so much worse than I would have ever thought."

She grabs his coat collar. She knows he expects her to kiss him but she takes his wand from the pocket of his sleeve, a move they practiced when they were working together. It's usually unexpected. The feel of his wand, elm, unicorn tail, a smooth finish that's much neater than hers, still sits strangely familiar, though the stun she shoots misses barely.

Her next movement consists of taking a black wand from her own sleeve, ebony phoenix feather, and she throws his back into his hands before turning back to their unwelcome visitor. She had sensed him there, behind Neji, finally finding an opportunity to attack.

Curses, dark ones, shoot at her. Tenten reflects them with the flick of her wrist but even then, she can feel how powerful the dark arts are within him. The gravel littered across the ground lifts and she transfigures them into sharp blades fo steel. With a large wand movement, they shoot to him at a rapid speed. This attack continues, the rocks becoming knives, twigs becoming daggers.

A particularly nasty curse comes towards her and she doesn't know how well she can deflect it. She has always been better at attacking than defending.

The glow of capable blue light form around her and it isn't her spell. The shield stops even her movements. It's Neji's charm, one of the biggest and strongest ones she has ever seen. It's his clan's specialty: defence and his cousin perform them so well and she doubts that he will have a single scar after the war from magic.

The force of his shield is so strong that it knocks back the dark wizard. Tenten snaps back into focus. Through the shield, she sends a series of stuns, transfigured objects, and they move close to him, Neji shooting defensive spells as offensive ones. It's a pattern of attacks that Tenten has forgotten. Only her muscles move practised precision, using their enemy's unfamiliar to the environment to her advantage. Neji disarms him and Tenten binds him with Auror ropes.

Her pants of breath are muffled by the howling wind. Yet she can tell that Neji is also out of breath from the wispy puffs of perspiration. She strides up to the man and lifts his hood. She quickly flips back the pages of the blacklist and she recognizes him. He's Kabuto Yakushi. He's a powerful dark wizard, skilled healer, and a killer of countless of her coworkers.

Had neji not been with her, she doubts she would have been able to deflect him alone. As the same for him. Even had it been any other Auror alongside her, she knows that she simply wouldn't be strong enough.

"Well, I have to say, the show you put on was convincing," KAbuto says calmly, his glasses resting at the tip of his nose. "Caught me off guard for a moment. That's pretty rare, but nothing to think otherwise from the Head Auror and a Wizengamot member."

"Yakushi," she says, her voice cool like a snake. A smile quirks at her lips. "We've been looking everywhere for you,"

Neji glances at her. "You know him?"

Tenten nods. "He's one of the most wanted wizards in the blacklist."

"You better bring him in quickly, then," he replies.

Tenten flicks her wand and he goes unconscious, head falling back. She puts him in a sheet of paper, a spell she has invented inspired by extension charms for backpacks. Then she hands the paper to him. He knows how to use them. Neji looks very confused.

"You can interrogate him within the order."

His eyes go wide. "But—"

"I'm in. I'll join. We won't get as much out of him as you will. But you better owl me, Neji. I won't let you chase enemies by yourself. I have six times your experience."

He smiles, then it falters. "Is that how you knew he was there?"

"He followed you. It's just something you tune into being an Auror for so long."

Because even though he'd be better at many things, defence against the dark arts still being one of them, there were some things he just couldn't pick up without practice.

"Was it all just for show?" he asks.

She shakes her head. "The easiest way to lie is to tell the truth. I can't fake a Patronus."

He pulls out something from his pocket. It is the silver ring with the same engraving she had seen others wearing, he included. "The shinobi order ring. It's yours to have."

Tenten stares at it for a couple of seconds. She slides it onto her middle finger, then smiles ina bittersweet thought. He notices her smile, he always notices the little things.

"What is it?"

"Before we broke up, I—" she pauses in consideration of telling him. Tenten stares into his silver eyes, curious. The wind makes his hair drift like a silk curtain, he looks like a painting. She decides to let the confession go. It's been a while. He should know. "I thought you had avoided me those years back because you were going to propose.

Neji is silent. She can see a hint of his blush even with such minimal lighting and to know that his face is red makes her smile, despite the anxiety in revealing her hopes to marry him.

"I would have, had we had more time, had Hiashi—I'm—"

She interrupts his stammering, however adorable it may be. "It's ok. I just hoped."

Tenten kisses him on the cheek slowly. His face is warm, her lips are cold, but she only allows herself a brief moment of lingering before turning away.

The end of the alley is still cloaked in dark shadows but she feels that it looks just a bit lighter. It is, maybe it is getting brighter. She sees a wisp of white, more ribbony in texture and flowy, yet stronger in opacity compared to her Patronus. Tenten holds her breath as the animal slowly comes up behind her—it's also a swan.

Tenten feels its proximity. The swan provides her with warmth, curiosity, intrigue. These feelings are not the feelings she is used to his Patronus feeling like. Usually, they are simply of content and tranquillity, sometimes even an exhilaration that makes her stomach tumble and makes electricity flow through her body. It's cast with a different memory, though cannot imagine which one.

"The first time we met. On the train. You bought me a chocolate frog even though you only had enough money for one. The person on the card was Tsunade, you told me she was your hero." he explains. "It's the only memory of you I don't feel guilty about. I'd like to try again. I—I would marry you any day. I would wait forever."

He pulls off the Hyuga Crest from his finger, presses it into her hand. It's heavier than anything she's ever held.

"I will," her voice comes out as a whisper. It feels too soon, but she has been ready to marry him since she was 17. "But me wearing this crest will really piss off your uncle.

"That's the intention,"

Perhaps even in the six years they had been apart, the two had been completely committed to each other already.

[jamaisjoons]

everythingoes | kth & jjk

Summary: He is all the things you feel when fireworks light up the night sky. But everything is momentary and everything fades, just like those very same fireworks.

Pairing: Fuckboy!Taehyung x Reader; Jungkook x Reader

Genre: ANGST, so much fucking angst, smut, (barely there) fluff

Word Count: 24k

Warnings: cheating, sweet taehyung being a dick (I’m sorry tiger cub, I love you), a toxic relationship, possessive Taehyung, sex while semi-intoxicated (they can still consent), oral (fem and male receiving), panty play? I think, taehyung with a monster schlong, deep throating, face fucking, dirty talk, breast play, very slight cock/body worship, face sitting/riding, squirting, cum eating, riding, taehyung having a crazy amount of stamina, hair pulling, multiple orgasms, spanking, forced orgasm, creampie, slight breeding kink

A/N: Highkey, I was listening to mono when I came up with this plot and then when I was typing a certain scene. I wonder if you can guess exactly what scene that is lmao. In other news, this AU fried my last remaining brain cell and honestly I just want to rest for three years. My fingers are practically number from typing. UNEDITED because I’m DONE with it (for now). I’ll edit when my brain cells regenerate

You sat in the corner of the lecture room, trying your hardest to focus on the reading material in front of you. Usually, you barely paid attention in lectures, preferring to scroll through social media. It wasn’t that you were a bad student, in most classes, you would pay attention. The sole reason for your lack of attention in this one class was due to the professor reading off the slides, word for word. She never explained anything further and therefore her lectures were as boring as boring could get. But it also meant that you could do what you want and not miss a single thing.

So why was it that you were trying so hard to pay attention, this particular lecture?

You heard a small giggle and stiffened in your seat, the sound causing the hairs on the back of your neck to stand up. You grit your teeth and slid further down into your seat, trying to make yourself as small as possible. Thatwas the reason for your sudden attention to the Professor’s material. You glared at the screen, trying your hardest to keep your eyes from wandering away from your screen. However, when a deep chuckle followed, you couldn’t help but chance a glance. It was almost as if you were drawn to the sound, completely ensnared by the deep throaty laugh. Almost like the temptation of a siren’s song.

And then it was as if you couldn’t look away.

Try as you might, you can’t seem to break your gaze away from him. No, instead you take in the sight of from your seat. You’re currently at the back of the lecturer room, as far into the corner as you could be and your seat gives you the perfect view of him. Or well, technically a perfect view of the back of his head and side profile. With a slight wave of nostalgia, you realise he’s growing out his hair again and there are signs of the cutest mullet. The locks by the nape of his neck stick out in different directions and for a brief moment you get irresistible urge to run your fingers through them. His hair, unlike two weeks ago, was bleached to a light shade of blonde and while you love his natural hair best, you can’t help but think he looks devilishly handsome.

You had met Kim Taehyung six years ago, when the both of you were sixteen. Of course, you had known of Taehyung throughout the entirety of your high school career. He was the highschool heartthrob, the most beautiful boy to walk the halls of Busan High. He had broken more hearts than you could count on your hands. Of course, that was more due to the sheer number of girls who were in love with him. It was almost impossible to not know who Kim Taehyung was. Despite his status, he was still loved by everyone and anyone. He was as charismatic and friendly as they come; traits that leant to his ‘heartthrob’ persona and sometimes you wondered how a sweetheart such as Taehyung had even managed to break hearts. The boy was a dork and as sweet as cotton candy.

You had never thought much of Taehyung, even in school. However, that had all changed one faithful day.

{Flashback: March 2013}

You were sitting in your art and photography class, staring out the window as you waited class to start. It was the middle of Spring and the plum blossoms had already bloomed, the roads completely littered with the petals. Even with the light wind, you could see the rustling of the branches, with each movement, more and more blush pink, delicate petals scattering in the air. You lose yourself in the scenic landscape for a couple more minutes. That is, until you’re cut out of your daydream by a series of giggles and you turn your attention to the girls sitting at the front of the class.

Their eyes are solely fixated on the boy walking through the door, a large boxy smile on his face, framed either side by his chubby cheeks. His large brown eyes are sparkling, uneven lids just adding to the subtle beauty that surrounds him. Kim Taehyung was the school heartthrob and for good reasons. He was even best friends with the school council president Park Jimin, the two as thick as thieves ever since Taehyung moved from Daegu to Busan. The girls continued giggling as they stared dreamily at Taehyung, their faces flushed lightly as they sent him their brightest smile.

Taehyung sent them both flirtatious winks, causing both of them to fluster, one even dropping her books. Taehyung let out a small chuckle before he bent over to pick them up, squatting down until he’s face to face with the girl. You watched as he slowly gathers the books into his hand before rising back to his full height. You keep your attention trained at him, eyes narrowed on his figure, watching as he hands the books over to the girl, fingertips brushing against hers before smiling at her cheekily. The girl lets out a small squeak, her hot red before she turns and quickly runs away. You roll your eyes at the cheesy exchange, sneering slightly at the girls before turning your attention back out the window.

Soon enough, class begins and your teacher drones on and on about still life drawings and the depth of emotion you can capture with them. He continues monotonously monologuing the ‘true’ nature of still art and it takes every single ounce of your control to resist the urge to scream. This was practically all he spoke about, and you understood it stemmed from his passion for still life (despite the complete lack of emotion in his voice); but at the same time, you’d rather learn about something else. Especially considering this was your fifth class about still life drawing.

Therefore, instead of paying attention, you continue ignoring the teacher; choosing to daydream as you stare out the window instead. You imagine yourself being somewhere far away from here, quite literally anywherebut here and before you know it, your teacher is dismissing you. You let out a sigh of relief as you begin packing up, shoving your books back into your bag before getting up to leave. However, as soon as you stood up, you come face to chest with someone. You tilt your head, eyebrow shooting into your hairline as you were met with Taehyung’s smiling face.

You reel back slightly, trying to put in some distance between you and the man, wondering what on earthhe could want with you. You look around the room slightly, confused by the baffling glares of all the girls who were also in your class. You sent them a sneer, causing them to let out a scoff before walking away, muttering something about how something or the other wasn’t fair. You briefly recognise the girl who had dropped her books earlier looking slightly disheartened, sending a longing glance towards Taehyung before looking at you with jealousy. You turn your attention back to Taehyung, raising your eyebrow once against.

“Is there something you need, Taehyung-ssi?” You asked and Taehyung’s face morphed into one of confusion.

“Were you paying attention ____-ssi? We’re partners” Taehyung replies and you almost choke, spluttering at him.

“What? Partners for what?” You splutter and Taehyung laughs at you, the noise deep and baritone and you wonder whatsixteen-year old’s voice is so deep. He sounds more like a man than anything.

“Miss Ahn partnered us up for the end of term project. We have two weeks to come up with what we want to do, art or photography wise” Taehyung replies cheerily and you nod along, finally understanding why the girls were angry at you. You let out a small sigh, this was surely going to cause problems. How were you and Taehyung supposed to work on a project for two weeks without you being murdered by his fan club? You silently pray to whatever god is out there, because you were sure you were going to need it.

“Alright, drop me your number and we can figure out when we need to meet and work on it. Have you thought of something you want to work on?” You ask and Taehyung nods eagerly as he punches his number into your phone.

“I’ve got a few ideas, one of them inspired by Van Gogh. However, I also want to do something photography related. But we can speak more about another day” Taehyung says and you nod swiftly.

“Alright perfect. I look forward to working with you Taehyung-ssi” You say more out of obligation and societal politeness than anything else and Taehyung’s only response is a large grin, a cheeky wink following as he turns to leave.

{End of Flashback}

That’s the first time you meet Taehyung. You had been expecting to work on a simple project and then both move on to your separate ways. What you didn’t expect is to genuinely enjoy his company over the next two weeks. Sure, his flirting was borderline excessive and ridiculous. But Taehyung was still fun to work with, especially when you realised how serious he was and how much he loved art. You didn’t expect to somehow grow attached and you especially didn’t expect for Taehyung to become your best friend. But, throughout working with him, you had realised that everyone was right. It was physically impossible to hate Taehyung; he was entirely too sweet. Suddenly, you understood exactly why all the girls would swoon over him.

Your lecturer continued droning on and on and you resisted the urge to face plant your desk out of misery. You were both in Art History, it was your minor and the only reason you had taken it was because you needed to make up the credits. You had always had a vagueinterest in art, but it could never measure up to Taehyung’s love for all things old, classic and artsy. You however, preferred academics and your major was chemistry. Why you had to take Art History to complete your Chemistry degree, you had no idea. But it was either Art History or Politics and you would ratherdiethan spend a single minute surrounded by pretentious conservatives who thought they knew how the world worked despite daddy’s money paying for everything.

The lecturer cracked a joke and you rolled your eyes from the back of the lecture hall, wishing the torture would just end. However, your attention is once again drawn by a deep chuckle, a sound that you could recognise anywhere. You watch Taehyung laugh with the rest of the class, his eyes sparkling with happiness and his lips pulled into a huge grin. His face fills you with nostalgia and you’re thrown back to the first time you questioned your previously platonic feelings for Taehyung.

{June 2014}

“____! Come on, just get in. I promise nothing will happen. You knowyou’re safest when with me” Taehyung pleads and you scoff at him, arms crossed around your chest as you eye him wearily. It’s been a good year since you befriended Taehyung. It had been a rocky start, especially considering Taehyung had tried to flirt with you constantly, despite you refusing his advances time and time again. However, eventually he had realised that you weren’t going to give in and had toned it down. Despite your art project ending, you had still kept in touch. But you could never have imagined that somehow, he’d have ended up as your best and closest friend. You trust Taehyung with your entire life. Figuratively. But as he stands there in front of you, a pout on his lips and his eyes pleading as he holds out car keys, his newly gifted car behind him, you wonder if you couldquite literallytrust Taehyung with your life.

You’re still seventeen, but Taehyung is older than you and he’s just completed his eighteenth birthday, which means that legallyTaehyung is allowed to drive. And with that, comes a test of how much you actuallytrust him. On a good day, he has your complete, unfaltering trust. But today, you’re not so sure. Because he’sjustpassed his test and you aren’t sure whether you want to get in a car with him, where he’s behind the wheel. Especially at night time, when the roads are dark and barely lit.

But Taehyung is insistent. He wants the first person he drives to be you and it has to be now, at night, because he’s driving his mother to the airport the next day. He continuously pleads and when he lets out a small whine; you give in, throwing your hands in the air. Taehyung yelps in victory, fist pumping through the air before opening your door like the gentleman he is. As soon as you get in, you buckle up; Taehyung getting into his own seat, grinning at you widely. He’s entirely too giddy and you wonder what you’re getting into. He’s got something planned and you know it as well as you know the back of your own hand.

“What?” You ask, and Taehyung lets out a little giggle. He reaches over you and rummages through the glove box before pulling something out.

“Okay, so you know, how the other day, RM dropped his new mixtape Mono? And how we said it’d be perfect to listen to on a night drive?” Taehyung says and you quirk an eyebrow, nodding slightly. He lifts up the album he pulled out and your eyebrows shoot up. So, he hadbeen planning something.

“God damn it, I should have known you were planning something. You don’thave to drop your mother to the airport, tomorrow do you? This is all just some elaborate plan for you to rope me into doing dumb shit with you at midnight” You whine, pointing an accusatory finger at Taehyung and you internally cheer victoriously when Taehyung throws his hands up in defeat, a sheepish smile on his face.

“Okay, okay, you caught me! But I didwant you to be the first person I drove. Also, today is a beautiful night and I want to show this with you. Come on, ____ pretty please? For me?” Taehyung pouts and as soon as his lip quivers you know you are done for. You let out an infuriated scream, tugging your hair in frustration before smacking the dashboard. Taehyung watches you with an amused smile and you resist the urge to lean over and throttle him. Because both of you know exactlywhat Taehyung’s puppy dog look does to you. How was anyonesupposed to resist him when he was flashing his wide brown eyes, plush lips pulled into a perfected pout?

“Fuck! Fine! Fine, just fucking drive. But I just want you to know, if we die, I’m haunting your ass forever” You threaten and Taehyung grins brightly before turning the key and starting the ignition. A small sense of dread fills you when Taehyung slightly revs the engine, one hand on the gear stick. You dotrust Taehyung to keep you safe, because he was right, you weresafest when with him. However, Taehyung was known to be slightly reckless and you didn’t put it past him to suddenly speed down the motorway.

“Alright babe, get ready for the best night of your life” Taehyung says with a wink and you jokingly gag at his words. Even though you were both best friends, Taehyung still threw his lame pickup lines or ‘smooth’ moves on you every now and then ‘To keep you on your toes’ he claimed, but you both knew he just enjoyed riling you up. Plus, it was more out of habit than anything, because at 18, Taehyung is somehow a bigger flirt than he was at 17. You theorise that perhaps it’s to do with his newfound growth spurt, making his already tall stature even taller.

Taehyung shifts the gear and slowly begins reversing, one hand around the back of your seat as he turns around, making sure the space behind him his clear through the rear window. Once you’re out of the drive, Taehyung shifts gears once again and presses down on the accelerator and suddenly the two of you are driving down the empty roads of Busan.

“Come on Iris, play the CD” Taehyung says and you hope Taehyung doesn’t hear the sharp intake of breath. He had begun calling you Iris three months into your friendship, the nickname solely reserved for you. You had questioned him many times as to why he called you that, but each time the explanation changed. The first was because according to him, ‘Irises’ was his favourite painting by Vincent Van Gogh; however, you knew that to be false because his favourite painting was ‘Starry Night over the Rhône’. The second time you asked, he had said it was because irises were a beautiful flower and somehow, they just suited you, even ifyour favourite flower were chrysanthemums. The third time you ask, he finally admits it’s because Iris is the god of Rainbows and irises are purple. The last colour of the rainbow. He says the colour signifies how you’d be together forever. Just you and him. You liked that idea.

“Iris? ____? You okay?” Taehyung asks and you blink owlishly as he pulls you out of your reverie. You shake your head slightly, smiling sheepishly as you slot the CD into the player. You turn the volume up slightly and you hear the soft sound of a car driving on the road begin before the loud chiming as ‘Tokyo’ starts playing, the soft sound of the piano filling the car. RM’s deep, but low husky voice begins and you’re slowly plunged into the calm of the atmosphere.

It’s completely dark outside as it’s nearing 1am, and neither you nor Taehyung speak as he navigates expertly through the streets of Busan. You lean your head against the window, condensation slightly blurring your view. But even then, you can still make out the dim lights of the stars and moon as they shine above you, the city lights drowning them out. However, the further you drive, the more you notice them as they slowly become brighter and brighter, and suddenly; when you can see them clearly, you realise that Taehyung has driven you far from the city.

The two of you are on a road by the beachside, the lights of the city now faint and behind you. You can faintly hear the crashing of the ocean waves on the beach as you race through empty roads. You startle slightly as you breathe in the crisp, slightly salted air, wondering when Taehyung had rolled down the windows. A part of you wonders how long you were staring out the window, completely lost in your thoughts. ‘uhgood’ is currently playing and with a startling realisation, you recognize it being the fourth time it’s been played, which means you’ve been driving for more than an hour. You glance at the clock in the car, eyes widening at the display. How was it already nearing 2am? The drive barelyfelt like twenty minutes, how had a complete two hours passed?

You turn back to Taehyung, opening your mouth to say something about turning back but instead you’re utterly floored by the view you’re met with. Taehyung is completely focused on the road, his grip on the steering wheel loose. He looks at ease, a soft smile on his face as the mixtape continues playing in the background. The wind slowly rustles through his hair, the susurrus noises only adding to the stillness of the atmosphere surrounding you. You’re almost captivated by how beautiful he is. He always has been. You know this. It is not an opinion but a mere fact. Because Taehyung isbeautiful. But seeing him now, you’re almost pulled into a trance.

Taehyung has grown up the last year, he’s lost some of his chubbiness, but you can still see hints around his cheekbones. His jaw is slightly more angled now and his features sharp, especially his eyes as they twinkle with mischief. The soft glow of the moonlight highlights his high cheekbones, his tan skin softly glowing, the darkness completely encasing him; almost as if it’s highlighting him in the low light. His hair is softly blowing in the wind, the dark locks slightly ruffled and simply adding to his charm. From your angle, you can see his long thick eyelashes brush against his cheeks every time he blinks. Right here, right now, Taehyung is the most gorgeous creature you have ever seen or could ever know. You don’t think he could get anymore stunning.

And then he turns to you.

And he smiles.

Your breath hitches slightly, the large grin pushing up his cheeks and emphasizing the slight chubbiness he still has with him, thanks to his grandmother’s constant mission to keep him well fed and healthy. His boxy smile stirs something in you and then he winks and applies more pressure onto the accelerator, speeding up. You know you should be slightly worried; it’s dark and Taehyung is speeding. But you’re so caught up in how breath-taking he looks that you fail to reprimand him. Instead, you drown further into him.

“You alright Iris?” Taehyung asks, his voice deep and husky and you have no idea why, but your heart achesat his words.

“I’m fine Tae, just fine” You breathe out, hoping he doesn’t notice the slight breathlessness to your voice. Especially when he moves his hand from the back of your seat to take your hand in his, squeezing it slightly.

{End of Flashback}

You scoff at your past self, wishing desperately that you could go back in time and rewind everything. That was the day you began falling for your best friend. A huge cliché, you were aware. But how could you notfall for Taehyung? He was almost perfect. However, Taehyung didn’t date. He was a flirt and a fuckboy through and through. You knew this better than anyone. You had always thought you’d be immune to it, but how the mighty have fallen. You smiled bitterly as you pondered your very much unrequited love for your best friend. Best friend. You continue perusing Taehyung, your heart plummeting in your chest.

Sometimes it hurt just looking at him.

You could still clearly remember the day you had the startling realisation that you were in love with your best friend. It was almost four years ago, when the two of you had just graduated from highschool.

{Flashback July 2015}

“Iris, come on sweet, it’s our last night as highschool students! We can’tmiss this” Taehyung whines and you ignore the way your heartbeat slightly speeds up at his nickname.

“God Taehyung, why are you dragging me along? It’s not as if you’ll actually be with me the night anyway” You glare at him and Taehyung looks at you in both surprise and confusion.

“____, why would I not be with you?” Taehyung asks and you let out a little scoff. You knew Taehyung like the back of your hand. You had been best friends for almost two years now and you’d like to think you knew exactly what would happen at the celebratory bonfire for seniors. Taehyung would spend twenty minutes with you, keeping you company and making sure you were alright. But then, he’d find himself a girl and chase after her and then he’d disappear. Like he always did.

“Tae come on, we both know you’re going to leave the minute you find a girl you want to fuck” You sneer and as soon as the words are out, you wonder why they leave a bad taste in your mouth. Or why your stomach churns at the thought of Taehyung with another girl.

“God ____, I know I’m usually like that, but I’m not going to ditch you tonight of all nights. If I promise to stay with you, will you come?” Taehyung pouts and you narrow your eyes at him slightly. Taehyung only deepens his pout and you let out a sigh of defeat, Taehyung grinning when he hears it. You silently berated yourself, wondering why he had so much power over you. Why was it that a singlepout always had you doing his bidding? It was as if he did it and cast a spell on you, making sure you always bent to his whims.

“Fuck, fine! But if you leave me Kim Taehyung, I swear to any god out there, I willfind you and castrate you. Whether you’re balls deep in the girl or not” You threatened, Taehyung wincing slightly before wrapping his arms around you, hugging you tight to his body.

“Gods Iris, I promise not to leave you. I just wanna spend the night having fun with my best friend” Taehyung promises, placing a soft kiss onto your temple and silently you wonder just what you’ve gotten yourself into.

A couple hours later, you find yourself sitting beside a bonfire, surrounded by various other people in your year who are graduating with you. True to his word, Taehyung has refused to leave your side; even when girls come over to try and lure him from you. Taehyung, however, obediently stays by your side. Which is why, you find yourself seated on the grass, Taehyung sitting behind you on one of the makeshift seats. Your back is pressed tightly against his chest, one of his arms is loosely thrown around your body and this you’re completely encompassed by his warmth. You’re so close to Taehyung that you can feel the deep rumbles of his laughter more than you can hear it.

“I can’t believe we’re finally graduating from this hell hole of a school. I honestly didn’t even think we’d make it this far” Park Jimin, Taehyung’s other best friend and self-proclaimed soulmate laments and you roll your eyes at him, throwing some grass at him.

“Agreed on the hell hole, but didn’t you love school? You were one of the best students in our year, not to mention school president ever since you set foot in Busan High” You teased and Jimin looks at you with wide eyes, full of shock and mock betrayal.

“Hey! Just because I excelled at school, doesn’t mean I didn’t think it was a hell hole. I can’t wait to go to university and study dance. Goodbye maths, goodbye science” Jimin cheers victoriously and you snort at him.

“Weren’t you top of the class in maths and science?” You snicker and Jimin slams the ground with his small palms in mock rage, pointing at you accusatorily.

“YAH! Stop pocking holes in my story and let me whine in peace” Jimin yells and you snicker.

“Sorry Jiminie, please Mr. School President, tell us all about how much you hated school and are glad to be moving onto university” You tease and this time Jimin turns to Taehyung.

“Yah, Taehyung, control your girl” Jimin complains and you immediately freeze, wondering why your heart skips a beat and begins racing at the speed of hummingbird wings. You except Taehyung to rebuff and correct Jimin, but all he does is chuckle and you can feel the deep baritone sound against your back; the feeling only serving to speed up your heartbeat further.

“Iris does whatever she wants Jiminie, if I can’t stop her teasing me, I don’t know how I’m supposed to stop her teasing you” Taehyung chortles and you wince slightly, your skin suddenly feeling very flushed.

“Hey! It’s started!” Someone calls out, pointing up at the sky. All your attention is drawn towards the sky and this time, your breath is taken away by the beautiful display of sparks lighting up the sky. The intense kaleidoscopic display fills up the entire night sky, loud booms and high whistling filling the night air as they continuously go off. Hues of every shade fill your vision, blues, greens, oranges, reds, golds and so many more and you completely lose yourself in this sight of it all.

“____, look! It’s so beautiful! Hey, that one was purple and yellow, those are our favourite colours!” Taehyung says, bouncing with delight. Your face softens slightly. No matter how old he got, Taehyung never lost his childlike innocence and playfulness. You feel his giddiness course through your veins and it only causes your heart to flutter more. You try and focus on the lights, aweing and oohing along with everyone else. But then, Taehyung wraps his arms tighter around your body, pulling you closer into his embrace and briefly you feel him nuzzle his nose in your hair; breathing in your scent, but you’re positiveyou’ve made it up. And  then, he says something that has you breaking out of your stupor.

“I’m glad you’re here with me. I wouldn’t want to share this with anyone else” Taehyung whispers into your hair and you snap your head to face him, almost giving yourself whiplash. However, when you come face to face with him, his attention is already back on the sky. But now, your attention is solely focused on him.

His skin glows in the dim amber flames of the bonfire, and every now the flashes of the fireworks illume him even more. For the second time in your life, you’re completely floored by how trulybeautifulKim Taehyung is. Once again, your heart aches but this time you know exactly how you feel. Because for an entire year now you’ve questioned whether your feelings were completely platonic. And now, in this very moment, with the prismatic explosion of colour in the background, you sincerely understand the depth of the emotions you feel for your best friend. Taehyung is all the things you feel when fireworks illuminate the sky.

You finally realise, that you are completely, utterly and irrevocably in love with Kim Taehyung.

{End of Flashback}

After that day, your relationship with Taehyung had somewhat changed. Not on his end obviously, but more on yours. Every time he did something sweet, your heart would cinch. Every compliment, every flirtatious comment, every term of endearment, drove you wild. There were times you wanted to scream and run, there were times when you wanted to grab him by the collar and kiss him senseless, confessing your love for him. But instead, you kept everything bottled up and loved him from far.

There is very little you wouldn’t give to go back in time to that very moment and yell at yourself to not do it. To not fall in love with him. Taehyung had never had a relationship. He was always a lone fuckboy who spent more time running from commitment than he did between girls’ legs. Which, considering just howmany people he’d bedded, was a lotof time running from commitment. There was a time, when Taehyung was a hopeless romantic. A time when he dreamt about meeting the one and falling in love. A time when he spent dreaming about a marriage, children and a white picket fence. That had all changed when his parents had split up and his entire world had crashed around him, leaving a disillusioned boy with major commitment and trust issues.

Taehyung never being in a relationship had made life so much easier for you. Sure, you had to deal with him sleeping around, but you never had to deal with him being in love or seeing someone else. For a very long time, the only constant female in Taehyung’s life was you. Secretly, you had loved it because it meant, that in a weird twisted way, Taehyung was yours and only yours. The girl he ran to with problems, the girl he took on ‘dates’, the girl he spent valentines with. Every important moment was spent with you. You were the one he always ran to at the end of the day and you had loved it, cherished it. Held it close to your heart.

But nothing lasted forever. Everything was fleeting and a couple years after falling in love with him, you soon realised that Taehyung’s solo career was also temporary.

{Flashback November 2017}

You sit on the sofa, casually flicking through the different films and series on Netflix, looking for something, anythingto watch and cure your boredom as you slurp on ramen aka your very nutritious and filling dinner for the night. Note your sarcasm. But, it’s what student life was like and you were entirely too poor to complain about it. You’re in your shared flat with Jimin and Taehyung but both boys have made themselves scarce. Jimin had left for dance practice twenty minutes ago and Taehyung had been out the entire day.

Deadline season was quickly approaching, which meant that Taehyung had become desperate to find a model for his photography project, especially after putting off the assignment for a month. You had offered and he’d almost taken you up on your offer, until someone finally responded to his flyer. He had quickly apologised for almost ‘forcing’ you into working with him, kissed your forehead and had then run out. A part of you had felt dejected but you quickly brushed those feelings off. And now here you were, all by your lonesome, scrolling endlessly through Netflix. Ten minutes later, you’re ready to give up and head to bed, when the door bursts open and Taehyung enters.

You regard him with weariness, wondering why he looks so happy. His eyes are sparkling and his lips are pulled into a wide smile. His shoulders are shaking, he’s giddy, and full of that childlike exuberance you love so much and despite yourself, somehow, he manages to cause you to fall in love all over again. A feat you thought completely impossible. And yet, there he was proving you wrong all over again. He walks up to you and throws himself on the sofa next to you. You raise an eyebrow at him and briefly wonder why he’s so happy.

“The best thing happened to me. I think I’m cured” Taehyung says cheerily and now you’re definitely intrigued. What could have happened in the few hours that he was gone to get him so happy? You hadn’t ever seen him like this, at least, not since the divorce.

“I take it, your photography project went well? Got all the shots you needed?” You ask and Taehyung nods enthusiastically, but you sense it’s more than that.

“Oh, what is it? Why are you so excited? And cured of what?” You ask, but now, looking back, you wished you had left. You wished you had gone to bed earlier. You wished you had been his model because nothingcould have prepared you for the words that spilled out his mouth next.

“It went more than well. There’s a girl in our Art History class, I don’t know if you’ve heard of her, but her name is Choi Hyorin. She’s the one that answered my ad” Taehyung begins and dread begins pooling in your stomach. You want to wave it off because Taehyung’s always been surrounded by girls, but they’ve never lasted more than a one-night stand. You want to think that the dread is because he’s about to go into detail about his little rendezvous but deep down, you know it’s more than that.

“I think I’ve heard of her; she’s the one with the small face, big eyes and long black hair, right?” You ask and Taehyung nods enthusiastically.

“Yes! So, we did a few shots, and I don’t know how I never noticed how cute she was. We spent the entire day going around looking for the best place to take the photos. We went to parks, graffitied buildings, rooftops. Anywhere with aesthetic shots and I shit you not, everypicture was beautiful. And she’sso beautiful, not to mention funny and oh my gods, ____, we have the exact same interests! I’ve never met anyone like her, we just clickedand never once did I even think of fucking and ditching her. We click on so many things, she loves blues, RnB and jazz, her favourite artist is Van Gogh and she loves H.E.R. as well. I loved spending every moment with her and we’re even meeting again in a couple days to head to that jazz night in the karaoke bar” Taehyung gushes and rants and each and every word is like a dagger to your quickly plummeting heart. You feel like your entire world is falling apart and you want nothing more than to run into your room and cocoon yourself in your sheets and never come out again, but Taehyung continues ranting and raving about how amazing she was and how she has the cutest laugh, and the way her eyes sparkle in the setting sun and the way she feels against him. He goes on and on for what feels like hours and you can do nothing more than smile and nod, despite how much your heart is breaking; because you are nothingbut his best friend and it’s your job to listen to him.

He doesn’t know what you feel for him.

He doesn’t know how much he owns your heart.

He doesn’t know that his next words break that very same heart.

“____, I’m telling you. I’ve never felt like this about anyone in my entire life. I… I honestly believe she’s the one. I think she’s the girl of my dreams. I know I’ve sworn of love and relationships because of my parents… but I think she’s the girl to heal those wounds. I think, if it’s her, I can truly love again. Am I crazy?” Taehyung asks, looking at you in wide eyed wonder and you take in a shuddering deep breath. You bottle all your feelings for him and give him your best, brightest smile despite how much it feels like an elephant has stomped all over your chest and you hug him.

“Of course, not Taehyung. If you honestly feel like that, then I’m sure you’re not crazy. I’m glad you found someone that makes you happy” You choke out, internally cheering at how level your voice is. Despite everything, you’re not lying. You areglad he’s found someone. Because even if you were in love with him, at the end of the day, you were his best friend.

And Taehyung’s happiness always comes first.

{End of flashback}

The giggle you heard before once again fills the room and you sink further into your seat. You try hard to block out Hyorin’s giggles, especially since she’s the reason you’re trying to focus on the dreaded lecture notes but it’s hard to do so, especially when it’s followed by Taehyung’s deep chuckles. It’s been fifteen months since Hyorin and Taehyung became a couple. Fifteen whole months of nothing but heartbreak, fake smiles and unrequited love. You had tried so very hard to get over Taehyung, you had dated, fallen into your own trysts of one-night stands, hell you even tried Tinder in a desperate attempt. But no one had ever compared to Taehyung. None of them were as exciting or stole your breath like he did. And so, after ten months, you had given up all hope of ever moving on and instead accepted your condemned fate of forever being in love with your best friend.

However, it had become slightly easier. Despite the tumultuous love you felt for Taehyung, it had become easier. But not because you were accepting of his love for Hyorin. It had become easier because ever since they had gotten together, you and Taehyung had become distant. You had once been the only constant female in Taehyung’s life, but that had changed when he and Hyorin became exclusive. Suddenly, that position was no longer reserved for you, but for her.

Now he spent valentine’s day with her, he took her on dates, he bought her meaningful Christmas gifts, spent his birthday with her and only her. She was the girl he now ran to and the girl who dealt with his problems. It hadn’t started out like that, he had made a lot of time for you. Promised things would never change and that you’d always be the number one girl in his life. But that was the thing about relationships. When a new person was added, it always changed. There was no way it couldn’t. He had tried. He really had and you couldn’t fault him for it. Because he hadtried to balance you both, but at the end of the day, she always took precedence and slowly, you began drifting.

He spent less time with you, and spent more time with her. He spent less time speaking and texting you, and spent more time texting and speaking to her. And now, he spent more time at her apartment than he spent in the home he shared with you and Jimin. You lived with Taehyung and yet the most you’d seen him was in your shared Art History class. And yet, you couldn’t fault him for anything because she’s the one. You watch as he throws his arm around her shoulder, pulling her in closer to him. You see the way he smiles at her, his eyes filled with nothing but adoration. You see it all.

Taehyung is completely, utterly and irrevocably in love.

But not with you.

“Gods, are you okay, ____? You look a right mess” Jimin says as he enters your room and you glare at him.

“I’m fine Jimin, what do you want?” You ask and Jimin shrugs, entering your room and sitting on your bed. Ever since you moved in with him and Taehyung, you and Jimin had grown a lot closer. Sure, your friendship never matched the one you had with Taehyung, but you were close nevertheless.

“Nothing really, Taehyung is out with Hyorin and I’m bored. That’s like the fifth time this month he’s ditched me for her” Jimin pouts and you wince slightly because the last thing you want right now, especially since Taehyung hadn’t even madeplans with you for over three weeks.

You quieten down and become maudlin. Distance with Taehyung is something you have become awfully familiar with. Something you never thought you’d have to become familiar with. But you’re feeling particularly morose today and you’re plunged into the ‘what ifs’. What if you had confessed to Taehyung, what if youhad modelled for his art project instead of Hyorin. What if you had never met him?These are the thoughts that fill your head currently. What ifs are dangerous territory and your thoughts only serve in causing you to sink further into heartbreak. You miss Taehyung. You miss the friendship dates, you miss visits to cafes and museums, you miss his stupid pickup lines and flirtatious comments. But most of all, you miss him. You miss your best friend more than anything.

“You look like you’re about to cry” Jimin says, breaking you out of your thoughts and you suck in a sharp breath, blinking away the tears in your eyes. When had you even began welling up?

“Should I call Taehyung?” Jimin asks and you quickly shake your head, curling your fists around your sheets are you tried to get your emotions back in check.

“Please don’t” You whisper and Jimin hums in thought.

“Because he’s the reason you’re crying?” Jimin asks and you snap your head towards him. Your breath hitches in fear as you stare at him in wide eyed panic but Jimin just shrugs nonchalantly, sending you a knowing look.

“Please, I know how you feel about him. Everyone knows it. You know it, I know it, the entire campus knows it. The only person who doesn’t is Taehyung” Jimin says and you let out a choked sound, trying to find the words to deny his claims.

“Please don’t try and deny it. Don’t insult my intelligence like that. Everyone knows.And yes, that everyone includes Hyorin” Jimin replies and your eyebrows furrow.

“What do you mean?” You ask and Jimin lets out a bemused chuckle.

“Why do you think you and Taehyung have barely been spending time together? She knew and she was jealous. She knew you loved him and she knew that Taehyung and your friendship was something special. So, she tried to monopolise his time as much as possible. And surprise, surprise it worked. There were times he wanted to hang out with you, but she asked him on those days and he said yes. It only worked because you were so willing to let him go. Because at some point, you stopped fighting her for his time and attention” Jimin said and you stammer, unsure of what to make of things.

“Y-You mean he chose her? Over me? As in, there were days when he wanted to spend time with me, but chose to spend time with her instead?” You ask, fearing his answer.

“I guess you could see it like that yeah” Jimin says and despair fills your ever fibre. You had always assumed that Taehyung’s distance had been because he was consumed by Hyorin. You had never once thought that Taehyung if given the option to spend time with you, Taehyung would still choose her. Mainly because you thought you meant more to him than that. You let out a small sob, tears welling in your eyes and Jimin looks at you sadly.

“I’m sorry ____. But I have watched you be in love with my idiot of a best friend for years. And he was too stupid to realise he loved you too” Jimin says sadly and you snort,  looking at him in cynicism.

“Oh yeah, Taehyung in love with me. Please Jimin, next joke” You sneer out and Jimin lets out a humourless laugh.

“Please. He did. I know he did. Every time you’d sleep with someone, or date someone, he’d get angry and overprotective. There were times when he even threatened guys to stay away from you. You don’t do that for justa best friend. He loved you. He loves you. He’s just too much of an idiot to see it but when he and Hyorin break up, he’ll realise how much he loves you and what he lost. Trust me” Jimin says and you shake your head, sneering once again.

“Please don’t lie to me Jimin, he never loved me and never could. I’m not her” You reply, your tone full of defeat and Jimin lets out a shriek of frustration.

“Stop that! I know Taehyung. I know him better than anyone and that may not include you, but your judgement is clouded by your feelings. I have watched you idiots be in love with each other for so long. But Hyorin comes and Taehyung being theidiothe is decides to think with his dick and convince himself he’s in love with her when he’s not. I have watched you love him this entire time, I have watched him break your heart. I have watched him slowly destroy you and turn you into the shell of a person you once were. And I’m tired. I love him but I’m sorry to say that your love is wasted on him. He doesn’t deserve it. You are a beautiful, vibrant girl. A girl whose love is better spent on someone else. It’s time you moved on” Jimin rants and you scoff at him.

“Easy for you to say that. I’ve tried that and it didn’t work” You sneer and Jimin shakes his head. He get up and heads to your closet; you watch in confusion as he pulls out an outfit and lays it on your bed.

“Well you’re going to try again. Get up and shower, we’re going out. I’m not going to sit by and watch you slowly break apart anymore. I care about you too much for that” Jimin says and you let out a small sigh.

“Jimin it’s not going to work. I’ve tried the getting under someone else approach” You say and he looks at you in annoyance.

“Well you’re going to try harder. I’m not taking no for an answer. Get up and shower. Now” Jimin’s tone is final and you know him well enough to know that you’re not winning this battle. So, you let out a small groan and grab the clothes he’d laid out, grumbling to yourself as you pop into the shower.

“Cheers!” Jimin says, clinking his shot glass against yours before you wrap your lips around the rim and down it in one go. You wince slightly at the taste of tequila searing down your throat before shaking your head. You were already four shots deep and the alcohol was blurring your mind, the haze surrounding you and making you feel happier and lighter than you had in a while. You still have your wits about you and you’re nowhere close to being drunk but it’s enough to take off the nervous edge. The music was pounding in your ear drums and you could feel the bass vibrate through your entire body, your hips moving slowly to the rhythm despite yourself.

“Alright, let’s find you someone to go home with” Jimin says, the two of you turning around to scout the different guys.

“What about him?” You point out and Jimin shakes his head.

“That’s Jung Hoseok, he’s a year above me and in my dance classes. He’s seeing someone called Sooyun or something” Jimin says and you sigh before you continue looking around.

“How about him?” You ask pointing out another guy.

“Yoongi-hyung? No, he’s gay and probably dragged here by Hoseokie-hyung. Why do we know so many people who are here?” Jimin asks with a sigh and you giggle.

“Because this club is popular in our university. Hey, how about that guy?” You say, pointing out to someone else.

“Ah, Kim Yugyeom. He’s also in my dance class but he’s single and loves to sleep around. No strings attached and from what I’ve heard a good lay. Go for it” Jimin says and you smile brightly at him before looking swigging your next shot. You begin walking towards him and soon he spots you walking towards him. He gives you a wide grin and winks, and before you know it, you’re face to chest with the tall boy. Yugyeom immediately grips you by the waist and begins moving his hips, body rolling against you.

The way he moves is sinful and you throw caution to the wind. You close your eyes and grind against him, head thrown just under his shoulder as you move your ass against his hips. Yugyeom’s hands move to your hips and his fingertips grip onto them, fingers bruising. He swirls his hips particularly hard, pressing his crotch against your ass as his lips trail along your neck, pressing soft kisses against it. You let out a moan that gets lost in the noise of the club but Yugyeom feels the vibration. He spins you around, arm wrapping around your back as he continues grinding against you. His lips slowly begin descending on yours and just when they meet, you’re roughly pulled apart.

You turn around in shock and your eyes widen when you’re met face to face with a very angry Taehyung. He’s glaring at the slightly taller man before pushing Yugyeom off of you. You splutter, unsure what to say and frantically look around for Jimin but he’s nowhere to be seen. Taehyung grabs you by the wrist and begins pulling you out of the club. You try to break free but Taehyung turns around and glares at you and immediately you feel weak and dejected. You allow him to slowly drag him out of the club. He hails a taxi and puts you in before getting in on the other side. The entire drive is tense and you have so many questions. But instead, you sit in silence, stewing over the events. The more time passes and the more time you have to think about it, only serves to make you angry. You were so ready to move on and he just had to ruin it. Where did he even come from? Wasn’t he with Hyorin in the first place?

You soon reach your apartment building and the two of you get out. Taehyung walks ahead of you, stalking into the building, simply expecting you to follow him. You glare at his back in anger, stomping after him and with each step to your shared flat, your anger rises. Soon, you’re stood in front of your flat door, glaring daggers into Taehyung’s back as you seethe. If looks could kill, he’d be dead thrice over. He unlocks the door and opens it with a slam, beckoning you in with a look. You stomp inside throwing your purse onto the table before turning around and pointing at him.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing Kim Taehyung?” You seethe, your voice barely above a whisper. The shots are taking more effect and you’re feeling bold enough to fight with him.

“Saving you. What the fuck were you doing there? I went out with some friends, I didn’t expect you to be there. Why were you dancing with Yugyeom? Do you not know he’s a fuckboy?” Taehyung asks and you scoff.

“Yes I did! I was tryingto fuck him! What is it to you?” You shriek and Taehyung sneers at you.

“That’s not who you are. You don’t just fuck around” Taehyung jeers and you have the irresistible urge to throttle him.

“That’s fucking rich coming from you. You used to do it all the fucking time. Suddenly, I’m not allowed to sleep around?” You throw back and Taehyung reels, his eyes turning into slits.

“Don’t you dare. It was different with me. You don’t get to sleep around” Taehyung says and your eyes widen, body shaking with rage.

“Excuse me? Who the fuck do you think you are? You don’t get to tell me what I can and can’t do. If I want to sleep with the next fifty guys I see, I damn well will. Who the fuck are you to tell me no?” You scream and Taehyung slams his fist on a table.

“I’m your best fucking friend! I can’t stand seeing you with others. Especially when they don’t fucking deserve you” Taehyung shouts and you sneer.

“Abest friend. Justa best friend Kim Taehyung. So news flash, that means you don’t get to decide who is good for me or not. I decide that. You being my best friend doesn’t mean you get to tell me who I fuck. And you can’t keep boys away from me forever. If I want to fuck Yugyeom I will. Hell, Jimin knows him. I could still ask him for Yugyeom’s number” You say with a mocking tone, daring him to challenge you.

“Oh, I don’t fucking think so. Not if I have any say in it” Taehyung says, stalking towards you, his eyes glinting in the low light.

“Well, you don’tfucking have a say in it. Now move out of my way” You say, and Taehyung growls at you.

“I said no. You’re not fucking Yugyeom” Taehyung grits out, teeth clenched.

“WHY THE FUCK NOT?” You scream and Taehyung pushes you up against the wall, his breathing heavy as he glares down at you.

“Because you’re fucking mine” Taehyung growls and you freeze in shock but you don’t have enough time to process his words because the next moments, his lips are locked against yours. Taehyung’s hands pinned yours against the wall his other hand wandering all over your body as he kissed you fervently. You moan in response, breaking out of his grasp as his other hand moves to hold your cheek, your own hands tangling into Taehyung’s hair and tugging on it, pulling him closer towards you.

This was wrong. You knew this was wrong, but Jimin’s previous words about Taehyung being in love with you and his possessiveness had given you a small inkling of hope; and with every kiss and soft moan, that small inkling was building into a raging fire. He tasted of soju and coffee, the taste almost intoxicating. You know that alcohol was most likely clouding both your judgement, and that Taehyung was very much in a relationship. But with every passing moment locked in his embrace, those doubts and warnings disappeared, leaving you with nothing but a racing heart and a stomach full of heat. You pressed your body against Taehyung’s, pressed your lips harder against his as you poured out all your feelings into the kiss.

Taehyung let out a soft growl before reaching behind your back and unzipping your dress. He let it fall to the ground, the dress pooling around your feet, leaving you in your semi-soaked panties and no bra. You attempted to kick off your heels but Taehyung growled his disagreement and you let out a small giggle. You jumped up slightly, Taehyung easily catching you as you wrapped your legs around his waist, grinding your cloth-covered core against his own hardened cock. Taehyung let out a soft whine before he carried you towards your bedroom; your lips quickly breaking apart as he trailed kisses down your neck.

He tossed you onto the bed, before kneeling beside you. He stared down at you with intense dark eyes, eyes flitting over your body. You were flushed underneath him, your chest heaving as you breathed heavily, attempting to get your breathing under check. His eyes traced your body, from your collarbones, across your chest, groaning when your nipples hardened under his stare, forming twin peaks. He continued his perusal off your body, down your stomach and towards your hips and thighs. Your knees are slightly spread, giving him a hint of the arousal-soaked panties clinging to your core and leaving nothing to imagination. Taehyung licked his lips before he descended back down, picking your leg up.

He placed a small kiss on your ankle before trailing his lips up your leg, placing another kiss on your knee then your inner thigh. His lips trailed across your hips, his tongue tracing the bone before he kissed his way up to your belly button, circling and dipping hi wet appendage into it, causing you to arch your back and moan, begging him to stop teasing you. With every one of his ministrations, your heart ached. You briefly wondered if he fucked Hyorin like this, if we paid this much attention to her. You slightly shook your head, trying to push those damning thoughts out of your mind as you focused on Taehyung’s attention on your body.

Taehyung smirked against your skin. He continued up your body nuzzling the valley of your breasts and placing a tender kiss on your sternum. Continuing his worship of you, he brushed his lips against your collarbones, sucking on them slightly before running his nose up the length of your neck, placing soft kisses along your throat. Finally, he reached your lips, bending down and capturing your mouth once again with his. You gasped as one of his hands brushed up from your leg to grip your hip tightly. Taehyung used your gasp to his advantage, forcing his tongue into your mouth and massaging your own tongue with his. You moaned at the taste that was wholly him, pushing your lip even harder against his, trying to meld both of you into one being.

"Gods ____, you're so beautiful, " Taehyung whispered against your ear, biting the shell and tugging it slightly. Your heart plummets in your chest because it’s been sovery long since you’ve heard those words come out of his mouth and his tone is filled with so much emotion. Instead of responding you shake your head and pull him against you once more. If this was the only time, if this was your only chance with him, you didn’t want to waste it with meaningless words that would disappear when the sun rose and he returned to her.

“Stop talking Taehyung and just fuck me” You whisper, your tone pleading and filled with desperation as you stare into his lust filled eyes. Taehyung lets out a lazy boxy smile and you ignore the small lurch in your heart as he regards you with pure love. Once again, you wonder how many times Hyorin has seen this exact sight.

“Gladly Iris” Taehyung responds and you take in a shuddering breath, hoping it passes off for lust and not for the heartache you were really feeling. He bent his head forward and struck out his tongue, flicking your hardened nipple. You shuddered against his lips, this time with lust, causing him to smile before he pulled the nipple into his mouth, rolling it between his teeth while sucking on it. His hand moved from your hip to your other breast, kneading the mound in his hands before pinching and pulling your nipple, you moaned at the slight pain and Taehyung let out a wicked grin against your breast before once again tugging harshly again on the sensitive nipple. His lips moaned against your other breast and you felt the vibrations rush through your nerves and straight to your core, making your wetter. You brought your hands up to his head, your nails scratching his scalp as you hissed at him in pleasure. Taehyung let go off your nipple with a pop before attaching onto the next one and resuming his actions.

"Taehyung please, more. I need more. I need your mouth on me" You groaned, arching your back.

“You’re such a sin, a beautiful sin that belongs to no one else but me” Taehyung whispers before kissing down your stomach. You spread your legs wider, causing him to grin as he took in the sight of the darkened material clinging to your slit. The smell of your arousal was so strong he was almost lost himself further into the intoxication of alcohol and your scent, the combination driving him crazy with need. His member leaked against his boxers, his trousers becoming entirely too tight.

He leaned forward, licking your covered slit, making you whimper in pleasure. Taehyung smirked before repeating himself over and over again, teasing you endlessly, until you were thrashing around, grinding your core against his face, lashing, gyrating, doing anything that would stop his hellish teasing and cause more friction. Taehyung finally relented sucking your panty covered clit into his mouth, you let out a strangled scream as your bundle of nerves were finally stimulated. You screamed his name as Taehyung repeatedly sucked and lashed at your clit with his tongue until you finally came. You let out another incoherent scream as your hips lifted of the bed. Taehyung attached himself to your clit again sucking and drawing out your orgasm as he watched your eyes roll back. Taehyung sat up as you came down from your high, grinning down at you wickedly.

“Did I just make you cum from having your panties licked?” Taehyung teased and you let out a small whine when he pressed his thumb against your covered slit, rubbing up and down and spreading your wetness even more. You were almost positive you could never wear these again, they were wellpassed ruin.

"Great, now my panties are completely soaked" You pouted and Taehyung let out a small giggle, kisses the corner of your mouth as he tried to push your pout away. Once again, your heart cinches and you almost turn away, trying to blink away the tears. He far too attentive, too soft and too loving. Every action is filled with love and adoration and it both drives you wild and making you want to break down into a fit of sobs, because you know that as soon as daylight strikes, he’ll be far gone from you.

"Just how I like them," He replied with a wicked grin, drawing you back from your impending breakdown. You push away the thoughts once again and your eyes darkened with lust as you watched him slowly strip above you. Long, dextrous fingers move smoothly as he unbuttons and divests himself off his shirt, leaving nothing but a smooth expanse of tanned skin. Your eyes trail over his wide shoulders, before tracing down his body, dark nipples hard in the cold of his room and soft belly with small rolls making your heart hurt. You always loved Taehyung’s soft belly, so completely different from most guys with hard abs. So completely him.

You need to stop these treacherous thoughts. You can’t fall more in love with him and you need to somehow distract yourself. So, you use what little strength you have and flip him over. Taehyung lets out a choked yelp of surprise and quickly moves to push you until you begin trailing down his body. You press small kisses against the waistband of his trousers. You slowly unbutton them before pulling them down his legs, along with his boxers. His cock spring up and you jerk backwards, eyes wide at the sheer size of it.

It's beautiful. Long and so very thick, something you definitely were not expecting. His cock is smooth and tan, perfectly veined and his purple cockhead is angry and weeping with precum. He leaks down his own tip and cock and your mouth waters at the sheer sight of it all. You smiled at the large member, licking your lips as you imagined the way it would fill your mouth and the way it’ll no doubt stretch your pussy later. You kissed the base before kissing up the length until you reached the tip, licking the leaking head and almost moaning at the salted, tangy taste of him on your lips. You’re addicted. You know you are.

You grabbed the middle of his shaft gently and rubbed the tip along your lips, almost as if applying lipstick. Taehyung groans as you pleasured his frenulum before letting out a shark breath of air as you sucked on the tip, the tongue flicking against the tip over and over again. You slowly took the head in until the cockhead was completely in your mouth and then you began sucking. Hard. Taehyung gasped out, his fingers twisting into your long hair and trying to push your further down. However, you held still, sucking on the tip as you swirled your tongue around the tip causing Taehyung to buck his hips.

"Fuck, ____" Taehyung hissed, and you smiled at the begging, pleading tone that occupies his voice. You decide to have some sort of mercy on him and begin taking the rest of his thick, long cock in your mouth. Your jaw aches and you’ve barely taken any of his cock and he’s already hitting the back of your throat, but you refuse to give up. Inch by inch, you continue swallowing him down your throat and when he hits your gag reflex to choke slightly and hold still. Tears pull in your eyes but you calm down, breath as much as you can through your nose before you swallow. Taehyung let’s out a choked groan, bucking slightly into you as slowly swallow him whole. You internally cheer victoriously when your nose hits against the wiry dark hair around his crotch, trimmed neatly.

"God yes, take that cock in," Taehyung moaned, holding your head as you gagged on his engorged dick. You started bobbing up and down, Taehyung helping as he thrust up and into your mouth, you smiled against his dick before moving one hand down to his balls, raking your long fingers along the tender flesh.

"Shit yes" Taehyung murmured in pleasure. While sucking on his dick, you ran your hot tongue along the base of his dick, right in the middle causing Taehyung to shudder and hiss once again as your teeth raked against the base all the way to his tip. Taehyung was elated from the feeling of your hot, warm and silky mouth around his dick. He felt the coil in his abdomen winding tighter and tighter as his orgasm approached.

"I'm coming baby, that's it. Yes! Make me cum" Taehyung groaned, bucking his hips erratically and fucking your mouth while you continued bobbing your head up and down, gagging every now and then. You felt his dick swell and let his cock go with a pop before sucking one of his balls into your mouth, Taehyung yelling in pleasure as your fist pumped his dick up and down.

"Cumming. Fuck I'm cumming. Fuck, sweetheart swallow my cum" Taehyung orders and you quickly released his balls from your mouth to wrap around the tip of his dick, taking it all in once again as his cum rushed out of his dick and down your throat. You moaned at the slightly salty taste of his cum, drinking it down as he continued to spill it into your throat while you continued lightly massaging his balls. Several pumps later, Taehyung was finally done and you came of his dick, licking your lips and grinning up at him. Taehyung stared at you through lidded eyes before beckoning you up.

"F-face. Sit on my face" Taehyung gasped out as he came down from his orgasm induced high. You quickly shimmied out of your underwear before crawling over him, not needing to be told twice. You swung one of your knees over his head being careful not to accidentally hit him until your legs were spread over his face, Taehyung stared at your folds, licking his lips at the completely soaked lips and your quivering pussy, almost dripping on his face.

"God are you always this wet? You tasted so sweet before, I wonder whether you taste better straight from that sweet, sweet cunt" Taehyung whispered against your pussy before tugging your slit into his mouth.

"Only for you Taehyung. Always for you" You confessed into the night, your voice low, before you bent backwards, placing one of your hands on his chest, the other moving up to play with your breasts. You didn’t think you were loud enough for him to hear you. But he does.

"You're damn right. No one else will ever see you like this. You're mine" Taehyung growled possessively against your slit, and you close your eyes, glad that he can’t see the pain etched onto your face. You stare up at the ceiling, blinking out the tears of despair, something you shouldn’t be doing when Taehyung is buried face deep between your legs. But you can’t control it. You swallow thickly and bite your lips.

“Just make me cum” You choke out, you want to walk away. But Taehyung is like a drug and instead you find yourself falling deeper and deeper into him. The small part of you wonders and hopes, that maybe after all this is done, maybe he may stay. Maybe Jimin was right and Taehyung really loved you, and was too blind to see it. Maybe you could show him, you were the one for him.

“Don’t worry Iris, you’ll be coming so many times you’ll be begging me to stop by the end of the night” Taehyung promises ominously from under your folds, swatting your ass as he did so.

He pointed his tongue and licked it up and down your slit, parting your folds slightly. You ground your hips, trying to get him to enter your as you rolled your nipples between your fingers. Taehyung moved his hands to hold your hips still as he continued teasing you. He pulled your folds into his mouth, teeth raking over the sensitive flesh causing you to shriek in pleasure and increase your efforts in moving your hips. Taehyung nuzzled your clit with his nose before parting your lips slightly and harshly licking a line from your core to your clit before sucking on the bundle of nerves. You were dripping all over his face, your pussy quivering as your best friend worked his sinful magic with his tongue. He lapped at your clit over and over again causing before nibbling slowly on the bundle and you let out a small shriek as you begin cumming all over his tongue.

"Taehyung!" You screamed, Taehyung let go of your hips causing you to buck wildly into his mouth.

As you were coming down from your orgasm, he moved his hands and used his thumbs to spread your lips and stuck his tongue into your core, swirling his tongue before thrusting it in and out, tasting your sweet nectar as the thick juices coated his tongue. You tasted so sweet, almost like the forbidden nectar of the gods. He groaned against you, your pussy clamping around his tongue from your orgasm. Taehyung moved one of his hands to your clit, pinching and pulling on it as he tried to get your to cum again. You screamed as he tugged harshly on your little pearl, falling forward and gripping tightly onto the headboard.

“Stop, oh gods Taehyung please stop” You beg, but Taehyung just thrusts two fingers into you. You wince slightly at the stretch but begin losing yourself into your third, almost painful orgasm from your still sensitive quivering lips as Taehyung thrusts his fingers in wildly, angling them to hit your g-spot with each thrust.

“Beg” Taehyung demands and you fall forward, gripping onto the bed frame as you shake violently over him, thighs quaking on either side of his head. Your eyes roll back into your skull and you try to move away, but one of Taehyung’s hand grips you ass tightly, holding you near him.

“I said beg” Taehyung once against demands, lips vibrating and causing you to shriek in pleasure once again. He pinches your clit with his thumb and forefinger and its more than you can take.

“FUCK! Taehyung! Taehyung make me cum, please. Please I can’t. I need you to make me cum” You sob and Taehyung smirks against your folds at your words.

Taehyung moved his lips to your clit, thrusting his two fingers into your core with newfound energy, twisting and pumping them in. He felt the spongy tissue of your g-spot and grinned before biting down lightly on your clit as he rubbed your g-spot. You stilled above him, your knuckles white as you clenched the headboard. Then with a loud, incoherent scream you gushed all over his tongue, the pain of him biting your clit, the over sensitisation of your sex and pleasure of his fingers against your g-spot making your squirt all over his mouth. Taehyung groaned, moving his mouth over your lips and sucking them as you flooded his mouth. You breathed heavily before falling down and rolling off of him, being careful not to suffocate him with your dripping slit. Although Taehyung couldn't think of a better way to die. You hit your head on the pillow, chest heaving, breasts jiggling slightly as the waves of pleasure continued to rush through your body. Your body convulsed and you shut your thighs as tears dripped down your cheeks.

"We're not done yet baby" Taehyung said softly, brushing the matted hair out of your eyes, taking in the sight of you glistening from sweat and still in the aftershocks of your orgasm. His hands wandered up your knees and spread them before he crawled in between.

"I love you, so much" Taehyung whispers quietly and your heart races and soars at his admission. Hope once against ignites in your chest, especially when he kissed your forehead before slowly entering you. He rubs his cockhead against your entrance and slowly begins pushing in. You let out a small whimper when his sheer girth begins stretching you out. You wince, but lay still, letting him slowly fuck you open with his massive cock. When he’s finally buried deep inside you, you almost feel sick, he’s so deep he’s buried in your guts but you would have it no other way. You feel more connected to him than you ever have and you know after this, you’re completely ruined for anyone else. Taehyung moans in pleasure as your velvety walls wrapped around him.

"I love you too Taehyung. Always. It’s always been you" You confessed back, a tear slipping down your cheek as you wrap your arms around his neck. Taehyung buried his face into the crook between your throat and collarbones, breathing in your scent, eyes rolling back as your pussy clamped around him and then he begins thrusting. He slowly pulls out, whining when he feels your walls grip around each and every inch before thrusting all the way back in.

"Harder Taehyung, give it to me" You begged, Taehyung smirking as he began to thrust harder and faster. You screamed his name as he moved his arms so they were on either side of your head, bracing all his weight on them. He moved his head so that it was on top of yours, watching as you looked up at him, through half lidded eyes, your face contorted in pleasure as he thrust his cock into your, his pelvic bone brushing against your clit with every thrust.

"I'm going to cum again Taehyung" You whispered hoarsely, throat dry and strained from all your screaming. Taehyung lifted one of your legs and placed it on his shoulder, allowing him to go deeper into you. You hissed in pain; you didn’t think it was possible for him to go any deeper and yet there he was. Your legs were spread wide and he was thrusting so hard and deep that there were hints of pain entangled with the pleasure but you could do nothing except just lay and take it.

"Cum around my cock baby" Taehyung urged, speeding up his thrusts before angling them so he hit your g-spot with every plunge of his cock.

"Fuck" You hissed, arching your back as you came. Taehyung latched onto your breast, sucking and teasing your nipple as you milked his cock. Taehyung flipped you over so you were on top of him, dick still buried deep in your pussy. He placed his hands behind his head, watching your breasts sway as you breathed, completely entranced by the way them moved with every breath.

"Ride me babe" Taehyung urged, you moving your hips slowly, grinding lazily against his dick as you lacked enough energy to do anything else. After a few minutes of the slow pace Taehyung grew impatient and moved his hands to your hips. He lifted you up before pulling your down as he thrust up, plunging his dick as deep as he could. You let out a small yelp as he continued his harsh thrusting. You could feel your orgasm approaching fast, your sensitive walls rubbing against Taehyung' dick, the friction almost too much. The sound of sweaty skin slapping filled the bedroom along with your soft whines and Taehyung’s deep, raspy breaths.

"Are you cumming again baby?" Taehyung questioned as your face twisted, your eyelids closing completely as you threw your head back in pleasure. You fell down, your palms on the bed on either side of his head as you struggled to stay up.

"Yes! I'm cumming again" You moaned, Taehyung smiling as he moved one hand to play with your clit roughly before lifting his neck and suckling on the breast that was dangling in front of his face. His other hand manipulated your hips so that you continued moving. You convulsed on top of him again, your voice cracking as you groaned out his name. Taehyung, however wasn’t finished yet. You hoped to the gods above that he was close because you were running out of fumes at this point. No wonder he had a reputation, his stamina was almost unmatched. Taehyung turned you over so you were on your knees. Even he could tell you were nearing your end, both from your heavy breathing and the way your head was resting against the pillow, your ass sticking up into the air. Taehyung grabbed your hips and entered again, you letting out a soft moan, both in pain and pleasure as your swollen pussy gripped and rippled against him uncontrollably.

"Taehyung… last one?" You gasped out, letting him know that you couldn't go on after this.

"Yeah baby, don't worry this is the last I promise" Taehyung said as he began to thrust into you quickly. You weren’t expecting it and with how wet both you and he were, he slid in so easily that he immediately hit the back of your cervix. You let out a small scream as he began a brutal, punishing pace.

Taehyung reached down and grabbed your hair, pulling your head up causing your back to arch downwards as he continued to thrust into you. He watched your fleshy ass bounce and shake as he thrust into you. He moved his other hand across your back before smacking your ass. You screamed out his name, your walls clamping around his cock causing him to groan at the feeling. Taehyung smirked before he spanked your again. He increased the speed of his thrusts, spanking your ass until it was deep red, you bucking your hips in both pain and pleasure. Taehyung kept his grip on your hair, pulling it as he continued to spank you. He felt his orgasm approaching and knew he wouldn't last long. He let go of your hair before bending over you, the speed of his thrusts decreasing, instead plunging into you with long powerful strokes. He moved his hand to between your thighs, rubbing your clit. You let out a shriek as he thrust in particularly deep. One of his hands moved to rub against your stomach and he groaned low into your ear.

“I’m going to cum soon baby. I’m going to cum and fill this belly with all my cum and you’re going to take it aren’t you? Like my good little cum dump, you’re going to let me breed you. Aren’t you baby?” Taehyung asked, his huge hands splayed across your lower belly as his thumb continued brushing against your clit. His words caused your cunt to grip around him once again as you imagined the feeling of him shooting his cum so deep within you.

“Yes, god yes Taehyung fill me up. I want nothing more” You plead and Taehyung chuckles against your ear.

“Whatever you want sweetheart. I’m going to fill you up so good and watch that pretty little pussy drip with my cum” Taehyung promises before he resumes his brutal pace, pinching and rubbing your clit in hard circles. You stilled once again before you arched off the bed, your whole-body shuddering as you squirted once again, all over Taehyung' dick. Taehyung felt your gush around him and couldn't help himself, the speed and power of his thrusts increased, going as fast as he can while you continued to gush.

"Please! Taehyung please cum in me! I can't take it anymore! Please cum in me! Please just cum" You sob, your voice strained and raspy as you plead. Taehyung presses his chest against hard against your back and thrusts in deep, hitting your cervix once again before cumming in you. His palms grip your hips harshly as he pulls you to him, trying to get in as deep as he can go. He lets out a strained roar as he begins filling you up. His cock spurts out his seed, coating your walls in his cum and filling you up completely. He stays in you for the duration of his orgasm, his dick pulsing and twitching as he rides of the aftershocks of his orgasm. When he’s finally finished, Taehyung pulls out his flaccid dick before falling onto the bed, completely spent. You moaned at the feeling of Taehyung' cum dripping out of your before you rolled onto your side, pressed up against his sweaty body.

A small part of you wants to speak about what just happened, but you’re far too exhausted to care at this point so instead, you give into your heavy lids and allow sleep to take you. Taehyung is right next to you as you fall asleep, completely spent and equally passed out. However, your last thought before succumbing to exhaustion is how much you’re dreading what will happen when the sun cums up and the alcohol is out both your systems.

“Oh fuck. Oh, fucking fuck” You hear a voice and you’re immediately roused from sleep. You groan and open your eyes, hissing slightly at the bright light. You sit up and immediately regret your decision as every single one of your muscles protests the movement. You feel stickiness between your legs along with the ache and soreness and immediately you’re wide awake. Last night’s memories come crashing down and you snap your head to the panicking boy, who’s staring at you with horror and regret.

“What the fuck happened last night?” Taehyung rages and you wince at his loud voice. You knewthe alcohol had clouded your judgement and now you were paying the consequences. Of course, it wasn’t all your fault. Taehyung had equally, if not, more of the blame considering he started it from what you recalled. But you were still hoping for something, anythingespecially after his confession last night.

“Well we obviously fucked. Do you not remember?” You ask and Taehyung growls and your heartbeat increases as you remember how he growled at you last night.

“Obviously I fucking remember. God, ____ this is such a mess, what am I going to do?” Taehyung asks and you wonder what he means.

“What do you mean?” You ask stupidly and Taehyung send you a ‘are you serious’ look.

“About Hyorin, ____? What am I supposed to do about Hyorin?” Taehyung asks and you wince.

“Well, you’re going to tell her and break up with her, aren’t you?” You ask and Taehyung scoffs, looking at you as if you had two heads.

“Why would I break up with her? I love her! She can’t know this happened. You can’t tell her. This has to stay between us” Taehyung pleads and you stiffen. Your blood runs cold and you can do nothing but look at him in a completely new light. What did he mean he loved her? Didn’t he confess his love for you yesterday? Was it all just a lie? You can feel the tears well up in your eyes as your heartbreaks for the countless time, all because of Taehyung.

“You… Taehyung how am I supposed to keep this between us? You cheated on your girlfriend. With me. How am I supposed to act as if nothing has changed?” You ask and Taehyung sighs.

“___, it was just sex. Meaningless sex. I love Hyorin. She’s the one I want to marry” Taehyung says and your heart immediately plummets in your chest and suddenly it feels like your chest is caving in and it hurts.Your heart hurtsso much that it’s hard to breathe.

“Mean- Meaningless sex? Taehyung, you told me you loved me” You reply with a broken, almost emotionless voice as your brain tries to comprehend his words.

“I didn’t mean it. At least not in that sense. ____, I’m sorry but last night was a mistake. We were both drinking and we didn’t make the right decisions. I don’t love you. Last night meant nothing” Taehyung says and your worst fears are confirmed.

“But Taehyung, it meant something to me.I love you. I wasn’t lying when I told you I loved you. I loveyou” You heartbrokenly confess and Taehyung lets out a deep sigh.

“I know” Taehyung whispers and your head snaps to him, staring at him with bewilderment and fear.

“What? What did you say? You knew? How did you know?” You ask, your voice louder than before. This could not be happening. Within the space of a few words your life was slowly falling apart.

“I knew. At least, I had an idea. Hyorin told me. I didn’t believe her at first but she was convinced and worried about how I would leave her for you. It’s why we haven’t been spending as much time together. I didn’t want to lead you on and… I love Hyorin” Taehyung confesses and despite how much you want to break down and cry, you grit your teeth.

“Excuse me? Did you… did you just admit that you chose Hyorin over me? Because she was fucking worried about me taking you away from her? And you agreed? I was your best fucking friend Taehyung. Despite how long I have loved you, I have never once stood in the way of your happiness and I would never, neverjeopardise your relationship. How could you? I thought you knew me better than that” You seethe, your voice full of dismay and disbelief.

“Yes, well last night definitely jeopardised my relationship, don’t you think” Taehyung sneers and you find yourself reeling.

“Don’t. Don’t fucking put this all on me. I wasn’t even looking to sleep with you yesterday. You, you fucking did this. I was happily going to go home with Yugyeom until you pulled me away. You have just as much blame in this as me” You fume, pointing an accusatory finger at him.

“Fuck. Okay listen, last night never fucking happened. I’m sorry. I know you love me, but I don’t… I can’tlove you like that. I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry and I hope somehow, we can recover from this. But last night was a mistake. I love Hyorin, I’m so fucking in love with her. Last night may have given you hope, but I didn’t mean it. I didn’t mean any of my words and I’m so sorry but I regret it all. I don’t want to hurt you, but… I could never love you the way I love her” Taehyung confesses and the last word ring loudly in your head over and over again.

‘I could never love you the way I love her’.

Ten words. Ten whole words strung together with so much meaning. You could never comprehend how much words could rip your life apart. That was until today. Suddenly, you felt completely numb and the ache in your heart simply grows larger and stronger until it is all you can feel. Taehyung is still rambling, but you hear none of it. Instead, all you can hear are those ten words ringing deep in your mind. You need to leave. You need to somehow get out of here or make him leave. You need something, you need space. But most importantly you need him gone.

“Get out” You whisper and Taehyung stops mid rant, looking at you in panic and wide eyed. He notices the blank expression on your face and immediately walks towards you, trying to comfort you. But when his touch once used to soothe the demons in your soul, his touch now simply burns and you can’t help but cowering away. Taehyung’s jerks his hand back, looking at you in fear. You had never once shrunk away from him but here you were, staring at him with an expressionless face and cowering from him and suddenly, he felt as if he were the worst person on this planet. He never wanted to hurt you.

“Iris, I’m sorry” Taehyung begins, but you cut him off with a scoff, blinking away the hot tears.

“Don’t. Don’t call me that. I’m not your Iris, I’m not your anything. Please just leave” You say and your words burn into Taehyung’s being. His eyes are wide and suddenly he wants to cry beside you.

“No, please. Don’t say that. Don’t fucking say that. You’re my Iris, my best friend. ____ please, please don’t run away from me” Taehyung pleads, he wants to reach out and touch you but he knows it’s the last thing you want. You notice your state of undress and suddenly you feel sick and dirty and all you want to do is shower and remove the scent and feel of him off of your skin. You pick up your sheets and cling them tightly to you, as if they are your last line of defence.

“No. No I’m not. Not anymore. I can’t be your best friend anymore, I can’t be your Iris. I don’t think you understand Taehyung. I have been in love with you for six years now. You have owned every inch of my heart for six years and I’m tired. I’m emotionally exhausted and completely drained. I’m tired of you breaking my heart. I thought… I thought I could deal with it, but after yesterday after your words today, I can’t. I love you, but I love myself more. And I need you gone, out of my room and out of my life. Please” You plead and Taehyung feels a sharp pain in his chest at the completely exhaustion and defeat in your voice and the way tears simply fall from your eyes. But you don’t notice them, instead you’re simply staring blankly at him. Except you’re not looking at him, but through him. It’s as if you can’t see him, that he’s completely removed from your life.

“I… I’ll go. But I’m not leaving your life. I’ll leave your room but please. You’re my best friend, I need you. Please don’t leave me” Taehyung pleads but you don’t respond. You’re too tired to respond, so you choose to not say anything. You vaguely register him gathering his clothes before walking towards your bedroom door.

“I need to go see Hyorin… but this conversation isn’t over. I don’t want to lose you” Taehyung says, conviction in his voice and then he leaves. He disappears through the door and it may not seem like it for him, but for you, that’s your final goodbye. By the time you respond, he’s long gone and far from ear shot and your words fall on deaf ears in the silence of your bedroom.

“You’ve already lost me”

In a way, you think you’re lucky that whatever happened, happened at the time it did. You had slept with Taehyung a few days before your university broke up for the holidays. But considering it had happened during the second term, it also meant that you were officially done with classes and all that was left was for you to sit your exams and then graduate. Which consequently meant, that if you played it right, you’d never have to see Taehyung ever again. The decision was hard to make. But as you sat in the quiet of your room, the day Taehyung had walked out after your one-night stand; you decided that you were too tired, too drained to continue loving him. Especially when it was unrequited.

So, you used your newfound heartache and directed it to something productive. You pushed Taehyung and your feelings as far out of your mind as you could and instead you directed all your energy into revising for your finals. You barely spent any time in your apartment, instead choosing to practically live in the library. The only time you were home was to shower and catch some quick sleep but then you were gone. Before anyone noticed you were home. Before Taehyung could find you. You spent the past few months doing nothing but revising and studied and it had all paid off. You had just finished your final exam and it was like a huge weight had been lifted off of your shoulders.

But now that you were done with your exams, you had nothing else to focus on. You had nothing else to run to in order to distract you from your woeful unrequited love. But that didn’t mean you couldn’t run away. You thanked your lucky star that Taehyung’s art and photography exam was about to start, just as you finished, which meant that the house was most likely empty unless Jimin was home. Subsequently, that also meant you had a couple of hours to pack up all your things and move out before anyone could stop you. Sure, you’d have to be back in a few months for the graduation ceremony and then once again to complete your Masters, but for now it was enough time to begin getting over Taehyung. To put even more distance between the two of you. A vacation was exactly what you needed.

You quickly rushed back to your apartment, letting out a breath of relief when you found the home empty. You quickly gathered some boxes and your suitcases, packing everything as quick as you could. Mainly the essentials; you figured you could get the rest of it some other time. Or even have Jimin send them to you. A couple hours later you had packed everything you’d need for a long vacation away and the rest of the stuff were in boxes for you to collect when you were ready. Your flight was booked, even if it had decimated the entirety of your bank account but you figured you could find a job at Jeju Island to get you by. Plus, you had some savings that you could make use of for a few weeks. You grabbed your suitcase and opened your bedroom door but only came face to chest with someone. You steeled yourself and looked up before letting out a shriek of relief.

“Fucking hell! Park Jimin, don’t you ever scare me like that again!” You scream, smacking him in the middle of the chest. Jimin however doesn’t move, instead he’s looking at you with a sad smile.

“You were really going to leave without saying goodbye?” He asks quietly and you feel the pang of guilt in your chest. Jimin was a good man. And an even better friend. He had tried to help you and while you may have not been as close to him as you had been with Taehyung; he was still a friend you cherished. And you’d miss him. You knew you would.

“I’m sorry. I couldn’t take any chances” You say apologetically and Jimin nods before entering. He looks around at the empty room littered with boxes before sitting down on your completely stripped bed.

“I never realised how big and empty this room could be. It looks… dead without all your stuff” Jimin says quietly and you bite your lip, unsure what to say. You need to get out as soon as possible or risk Taehyung coming back and catching you. You assume Jimin notices your shiftiness and restlessness because he lets out a small, humourless chuckle.

“He’s not going to be back for a while don’t worry. He’s out with Hyorin” Jimin says and he spits her name with so much venom that even youwince.

“Jimin… I’m sorry” You whisper and Jimin shakes his head, his shoulders shaking with rage before he explodes.

“No! You’re not the one at fault! It’s Taehyung and that stupid bitch who’s turning him against all his friends. She’s manipulative. So, fucking manipulative and he doesn’t even see it. You know she stopped him from seeing me? I’m a bad influence apparently, just because I bring home a lot of women. It’s not as if he sleeps with them. God, I hate her and now you’re leaving because of her and him and I hate them even more” Jimin fumes and you put your bag down and approach him, hugging him tightly.

“Don’t say that. He’s your best friend and he’s going to need you. I need you to look out for him Jimin. Please, for me” You ask and Jimin shakes his head, fists clenched at his sides.

“No! I don’t want to! He’s pushed you away and he’s going to regret it so fucking much. I know you slept together and I know exactly what happened the next day. I heard it all. These walls are so fucking thin and I fucking heard how he confessed his love and I was so fucking happy. But then I heard what that idiotsaid the next day and how he said it and I know… I fucking knowhow much he broke your heart and he’s a fucking coward. He loves you. I fucking know he does but he’s so far up her ass he can’t even see it. But he’s going to fucking regret it. I know he is. Right now, he thinks he can still make it up with you despite it being three fucking months but he can’t. And now you’re leaving and he’s going to see just how much he fucked up and I’m glad. He’s such a fucking coward and I don’t fucking know who he is anymore.” Jimin seethes, mouth practically foaming in rage and you have no words to calm him down.

“I know. I know this all Jimin but I’m leaving and no matter what he’s done he’s still our best friend and he needs us. He needs youbecause I can’t be here for him anymore. I can’t do it without losing my sanity. But despite it all, I still fucking love him and it hurts. It hurts so much and I need to go away but I can’t if I know he’s alone. So please, Park Jimin, promise me you’ll look after him even if it’s from afar. I know him and I know he’ll try and run after me and he’ll look for me and feel so guilty he won’t be able to sleep or eat, but I needyou to look after him. Make sure he eats, make sure he sleeps, make sure he doesn’t break down. I need you to do that for me, please” You beg, your tone laced with desperation and Jimin sighs before pulling you in for a hug.

“You are a beautiful human being and if there was one thing Taehyung got right, it was that no one deserves you. Not even him. But fine, for you, I’ll look after him. Just make sure you keep in touch? If not with him, with me. It doesn’t have to be often. Just every now and then drop me a text that lets me know you’re alright. Please” Jimin pleads and you nod against his chest, hugging him tighter to you.

“I promise. I have to go now, I’ve got a flight to catch. Take care of Taehyung and please take care of yourself” You say and Jimin nods from above your head.

“Take care of yourself too. And find someone else. Find someone better and fall in love again and make sure they love you back. You deserve that and so much more. So please, just find someone. Don’t close yourself to love” Jimin advises and you take his words to heart, silently promising yourself to move on and find someone worth your time. Someone who won’t break your heart.

“I promise. Now I really have to go or I’m going to miss my flight. Goodbye Jimin” You call out, waving bye before leaving. Jimin watches you walk out of the apartment once and for all and he can’t help but feel as if he’s lost a part of home. Even if you weren’t super close, he knew he’d miss coming home to you doing yoga, or returning to you watching the most random TV series on Netflix. Despite everything, you were still a piece of his home and now that you were gone, the house felt emptier than it should have.

You had once assumed you’d always be in love with Taehyung. But the longer you spend in Jeju, away from him and with his callous words still ringing in your mind, the easier you find it to slowly move on. Taehyung’s words hurt, but the more nights you spend awake at three am thinking about them, the more you realise it would probably never work. The more you realise all he did was take you for granted. You didn’t care that Taehyung didn’t love you back, at least not anymore. What bothered you so much was how he handled everything, the way he threw his words heartlessly, without any thought you how you felt. The more you thought back to your relationship, the more you realised that was often the case. Taehyung was one to speak first and think and apologise later. Of course, he had never meant it to be malicious and he couldn’t intentionally hurt a fly. But that didn’t mean it was excusable, especially when his words and tone were cruel enough to completely dismiss your feelings.

You sigh in fatigue before checking your phone; 1:18am it read and you curse Taehyung for another sleepless night. You were practically nocturnal at this point, staying up all night surrounded by thoughts of the entire Taehyung dilemma. You rubbed your face and got out of bed, deciding to take a walk down the beach pier. Not that anyone really used it so late at night bar a few stragglers. You quickly get dressed before leaving the safety of your Airbnb. You made your way down towards the beach, the walk almost second nature to you. You had found a job working at the pier; considering it was summer it meant that the place was packed with tourists and businesses were more than happy for the extra help.

You walk along the pier, looking at the various arcades, all shut and completely dark. It’s completely different to the usual scene you’re met when you work nights, with bright prismatic lights illuminating the pier from the various attractions. But then again, it’s nearing 4am so why would they be on or even open currently. You’re about to turn back when a very familiar noise draws your attention. It’s the arcade-restaurant you work at and for some reason, the lights of the games are all flashing and on. The sight is particularly peculiar considering the rest of the pier is completely dead and silent. Curiosity wins you over and you decide to investigate.

You enter the arcade and come face to side with a boy who looks roughly the same age as you. He’s giggling to himself as he plays the first-person shooter game, drawing up more points than you’ve ever seen. You assume he’s going for the record and can’t help but think that with his skills, he definitely will break it. He’s got dark chocolate hair that falls into his eyes softly and wide, round almond almost doe like eyes. His ears are pierced multiple times, at least from the angle you see him at and he’s got soft pink, albeit slightly thin lips. His jaw is strong and defined and from the thin t-shirt you can tell his arms are completely muscular and packed with muscle. His chest looks well defined and his thighs even more so, the muscles bulging and rippling in his tight trousers. He giggles, his face scrunching adorably and he’s got the cutest, almost rabbit-esque smile and you wonder if it was possible to be enchanted by teeth.

All in all, he’s completely opposite to Taehyung.

“What are you doing here? Don’t you know this place is closed” He says, looking at you with a slight mischievous look, his game awaiting him to place in some more tokens before he can continue. You raise an eyebrow and shrug.

“Of course, I do. I work in the restaurant in the day time. I was merely curious as to why the lights were on and why the music was playing. So, tell me, don’t youknow this place is closed? So technically, aren’t you breaking and entering?” You question and he laughs once again, the sound rings in your head and your brain goes blank. It’s a wonderful sound, soft and sweet, yet with a lower note to it that has you completely enthralled.

“I don’t think it’s possible for me to break and enter into my own restaurant or arcade. Well technically, my dad owns it. But you catch me drift” He says with a wink and you roll your eyes; you approach him with less caution, watching as he inserts the token and resumes his game.

“Ah, the owner’s son. Why didn’tI guess that? So, you any good?” You ask and he throws you a lopsided grin.

“I’ll have you know, I’m the seventh-year reigning champion. I come down here every summer to just chill out and play games. Every record in the arcade belongs to me. All I have to do is beat myself each year to ensure I remain reigning champion” he boasts and you scoff at his misplaced sense of achievement. Then again, holding a record for seven years is definitely something impressive. Especially a record for every single game. You guess his sense of achievement isn’t so misplaced after all.

“So, what are you doing here? It’s unusual for women to be walking alone so late at night. Not that you shouldn’t. I’m sure you can defend yourself perfect and wait, not that you should haveto defend yourself but you knowsome people are pricks. You know what, I’m just going to shut up” he rambles and suddenly all his bravado is gone and you’re left with an adorably shy guy, his lips slightly pouting and his cheeks flushed.

“Cute” You whisper without meaning to and you quickly clamp your hands over your mouth, but he hears it and all he does is laugh.

“So, you think I’m cute?” He asks and giggling when you shake your head in panic.

“I could say the same about you. I’m Jungkook by the way. Jeon Jungkook” Jungkook introduces and you not to him.

“____. Kim ____. Nice to meet you Jungkook-ssi” You greet back and he sends you a bright smile, eyes crinkling in the corner.

“So, you wanna join? Perks of being the owner’s son is I get all the free, unlimited tokens I want” Jungkook says, wiggling his eyebrows and despite yourself, you let out a small snort.

“Of course, you do and sure why not, I have nothing better to be doing” You accept, taking him up on his offer and Jungkook immediately stops shooting, bringing a quick end to his game. The screen counts down before the dramatic ‘You Died’ screen pops up.

“I hope you feel special, I don’t just selfishly sacrifice myself for just anyone” Jungkook teases and you stick your tongue out at him.

“I didn’t askyou to do that, though did I?” You mock and Jungkook rolls his eyes before he enters some more tokens, this time for both of you.

“Is this how my kindness is repaid? With mockery? Oh, my poor wounded heart” Jungkook jests, a dramatic hand on his heart as he scrunches up his face in mock pain. You once again stick your tongue out at him before gesturing to the game.

“Oh, come on Bun Boy, let’s just play” You joke and Jungkook throws a fake affronted look.

“Bun Boy? Now you’re really going to get it Kim. I refuse to go easy on you” Jungkook threatens and you let out a small laugh.

“Alright, bring it on Jeon” You challenge and soon the two of you begin playing your game.

You spend the entire night laughing and playing various different arcade games before Jungkook offers you a walk on the beach just because. You talk about nothing and yet you talk about everything. Each conversation is completely meaningless and yet that in itself has meaning. You don’t tell him about Taehyung, you don’t tell him anything of true substance and yet by the end, you feel you know Jungkook almost as well as you know Taehyung and you feel he knows you just as well. You don’t think you’ve felt so carefree in years, it’s like all your problems have disappeared for a night. Jungkook is like a breath of fresh air, full of life and jokes and his slightly weirdtendencies have you cracking up, like the way he randomly screeches some inhumane noises, or how he randomly dances or twerks. Not once do you think of Kim Taehyung. There is not a single moment where he even crosses your mind. It’s early into the morning when you find yourself sitting on the beach with him, facing the sunrise.

Jungkook has long since crashed, his body curled up next to you, hair full of sand as he lets out small high-pitched snores. You however, still aren’t able to sleep. But not for any other reason than that for the first time in months, you’ve felt completely alive. It’s as if the one night with Jungkook has completely recharged your battery. You know longer feel restless or emotionally drained. All the small meaningless conversations with Jungkook puts everything into perspective. Everything passes. Everything goes. And you finally realise that Taehyung too will pass. You close your eyes and breathe in deeply, smelling the refreshing salted air. You feel the warmth of the sun and you open your eyes, smiling at the amber lit sky, the colours of dawn painted across the sky.

You can’t help but feel as if this is a new beginning.

“Where is she?” Taehyung asks and Jimin simply rolls his eyes.

“Jimin please, you have to tell me. I have to find her! She’s been gone for weeks. I haveto find her” Taehyung pleads and Jimin scoffs at him.

“Why? Haven’t hurt her enough?” Jimin taunts and Taehyung flinches at the harsh tone of his best friend’s voice.

“I know. I know I made some mistakes, but I have to find her and make things right. Please… I can’t… I can’t lose her” Taehyung says dejectedly and Jimin’s ire once again rises.

“Fuck you Taehyung. Fuck you and your god damn role of playing the victim. It was youractions that forced her to run away. You were so fucking awful to her and don’t think I don’t fucking know” Jimin begins and Taehyung’s eyes widen slightly.

“Jimin-“ Taehyung tries to cut him off but Jimin shakes his head.

“No. No! You willfucking listen to me and only when I’m done will you speak” Jimin seethes and Taehyung immediately shuts up, knowing that Jimin is the last person you’d want to anger when already angry.

“I was there. I was fucking there when I watched you drag her away from Yugyeom and I thought, finally. Finally,he realises just exactly what he feels but just in case I followed you home and when I got here, I heardyou fuck her. I heardyou tell her you loved her and I heard her finally confess her love for you and once again I thought, finally. Maybe I won’t have to watch you slowly break that poor girl apart with your dumb one-night stands and then even more with your relationship with Hyorin. I thought that finally, ____ would get the happiness she deserves. I have watchedher be in love with you for almost as long as she’s known you. I have watched you break her apart with every one-night stand and then I watched her break apart every time, every single fucking timeyou ditched her for Hyorin. And you know what?” Jimin stop his tirade and takes in a deep breath before he continues.

“She never fucking complained. She just took all the hurt you dished out and she never once demanded anything from you. She nevercomplained and the gods know she was well within her fucking right to do so. Youabandoned her. You chose Hyorin, Hyorinof all people over her, the girl who has stood by your side no matter what, who has loved you unconditionally for as long as she’s known what love is. And you threwit all aside for Hyorin. And then how do you repay her? By sleeping with her and then trying to blame it all on her so that you can save your farce of a relationship. Just like I heard you fuck her, I heard you tell her you could neverlove her the next day. How the fuck do you think that made her feel? When you so recklessly threw aside her own feelings and used your words so callously to make her feel so small. She ran away to get away from you. To get away from all the pain you caused her. You didn’t fucking see her the day she left. How tired she looked, how fucking exhausted and lifeless she was. But I did. I fucking saw it and my heart broke her for all over again. So fucking tell me Kim Taehyung, do you deserve to even think about losing her?” Jimin finally spat out, ending his rant and Taehyung looked so lost and broken that Jimin almostregretted his words. But then he remembered you and the shell of a person you had become and he was angry all over again.

“I know. I know what I did. I know what I said. You don’t have to remind me because I know. It haunts me every night that I could have hurt her like that. I… that night was the best night of my life but I was so convinced Hyorin was the one that I hurt the only girl I have ever cared about. And I regret it. I regret is so fucking much Jimin. I… I love her and I know, I know I don’t get to say that now. It shouldn’t have taken me losing her to find out just how much she means to me but I miss her. I miss her so fucking much and it hurts. It fucking hurts. But I need to find her, I need to tell her what I feel and I need to at least try and make amends because not having her here is making me lose my fucking mind. I can’t be without her. I can’t fucking lose her Jimin” Taehyung rants, his voice is filled with need and desperation but Jimin simply shakes his head.

“I’m sorry Taehyung, but I still can’t tell you where she is. Mainly because she hasn’t told me. I’m sorry it took you all this to finally realise what you feel, but it may be too late. You’ve already lost her” Jimin says, his tone final and then he walks away.

By the time you return from Jeju Island, you’ve spent slightly more than two happy, carefree months with Jungkook. There was not a single night or day where you hadn’t spent some semblance of time with him. During afternoons, he’d join you and help wait tables in his father’s restaurant and then once you were both off of work, he’d whisk you away on some new adventure that would leave you completely exhilarated and breathless. There were days when he’d take you hiking through the woods or on other days he’d take you fishing at night. It seemed that every day was a new experience with Jungkook and you were deeply enjoying your time with him.

A month into your holiday, Jungkook had done something you had both anticipated and dreaded.

{Flashback – A month ago}

You’re lying in a small meadow, just off the roadside, overlooking the mountains and sea that surround Jeju. It’s not exactly the most ideal spot considering you’re just opposite a road, but the cars that drive past are so scarce that it doesn’t even register in your mind. Jungkook had parked his car somewhere of the side and now you two were simply laying on the grass, surrounded by beautiful purple blossoms. You breathe in the fresh air, so reminiscent of the sea salted air of Busan and yet so different from the place you called home in Seoul. The scent of grass accompanied by the scent of the sea has you feeling nostalgic and maudlin. Back to the days when life had been easier, when Taehyung hadn’t hurt you so deeply and when you were just friends, nothing more.

It’s been so long since you’ve thought of Taehyung. The hurt is still there but it’s no longer as fresh or raw. His words don’t stab at your heart anymore. Instead, they’ve left a dull ache of a wound that is slowly healing. Thoughts of Taehyung don’t send you plummeting into despair anymore. Instead, they leave you with a weird sense of nostalgia and ache. An ache for the feelings that you’ve lost, an ache for your best friend. Nothing more. You’ve long since accepted that you and Taehyung were not meant to be, nor could you ever be. There was too much bad blood, too much hurt. You were willing to forgive, but you could never forget.

“Wanna tell me what’s occupying that pretty little head of yours?” Jungkook asks, breaking you out of your inner musings. You send him a wistful smile and he notices the expression, one you’ve worn very often but have refused to divulge your secrets. Jungkook recognises the signs of someone running away from their problem, but he’s also noticed you slowly become more open with him, slowly become livelier and so he’s left it. He trusts that you know what’s best for you and that you’re dealing with your problems in your own way.

“Just stuff from home. Every now and then I think about it and it still hurts, but each day it gets better. It hurts less. It certainly hurts less than it did when I got here” You say, a genuine bright smile on your face and Jungkook smiles at your cheeriness.

“Have I been any help?” He asks, more so in a teasing tone because he would never presume that he was the answer to all your problems. But your expression once again turns reflective and there’s a certain bliss to your features that there wasn’t before, a certain lightness to your eyes.

“You’re joking, but yes. You’ve helped a lot. Thank you” You reply, genuine gratitude lacing your voice and Jungkook is instantly floored, unable to say anything. He doesn’t think he’s done anything great; all he knows is that he loves spending time with you. All he knows is that he wants to continue spending time with you, whether it was watching you attempt to break his arcade records, or sharing leftovers from the restaurant, or even if it was laying on some grass by the roadside. He wanted many more adventures with you, many more late nights and many more days spent doing anything and everything under the sun.

“Let’s go out” Jungkook says suddenly and you raise your eyebrow at him before giggling.

“We areout. But where do you want to go?” You ask curiously and he shakes his head.

“No, I mean. Let’s date. I want to take you out. On a real date. With romantic intentions” Jungkook elaborate and you stiffen, looking at him with wide eyes.

Your feelings were in complete chaos, a part of you, the broken part, wanted to run; because no matter how much you’ve forgiven him and how much you want to be over him, Taehyung has left his scars on you. Scars that will never heal. Scars tell you that you won’t ever be loved the way you want to. And you dread that. You dread falling in love with someone, giving someone everything you have only for them to leave. You somehow survived Taehyung, you doubt you’ll survive someone else leaving. You doubt you’ll survive Jungkook leaving.

But another part of you, the bigger part of you that is healed; the part that heeds Jimin’s advice, wants you to dive straight into him. It wants you to experience a love with is completely reciprocated. It wants you to experience happiness, and joy and most of all it wants you to experience love. Even if Jungkook doesn’t end up being the one, that part of you wants to try. To move on once and for all. Not everyone is Taehyung. Not everyone is going to hurt you so deeply. You rationalise that. You know that. And yet, a part of you still fears; still holds you back.

Another part of you feels guilty. You’re not completely over Taehyung. There are still residual feelings and this part of you, doesn’t want to use Jungkook as a rebound. This part of you understands that Jungkook’s feelings are pure and this part doesn’t want you taking advantage of those feelings in order to move on. It’s wrong and Jungkook doesn’t deserve that. He’s sweet, still full of life and so, somuch stronger than you. He’s experienced his own disillusionment of love; his last girlfriend cheated. And yet here he was, so ready and willing to dive head first into you, someone who was still haunted by her past love. He was stronger than you could ever be.

“You’re not saying anything. If you don’t want to, just say so. It’s not that big a deal” Jungkook says with a shrug but you can see the slight nervousness in his eyes. It is a big deal. It’s bigger than he could ever know. Were you willing to put yourself in that position again? You had no idea. But… maybe you just owed it to yourself to try. To explain why you’re so wary and why you both want to and don’t want to date him. So, you do. Explain that is.

You come clean about everything. You tell him about Taehyung, you tell him about how you fell in love and how you were always just the best friend. You tell him about the day he gets a girlfriend, and then all the times he’s left you for her. You tell him about the night you fuck and then the huge blow up the day after. You tell him about how you ran away to Jeju and then met him. You tell him about how much he unknowingly healed you and why you’re so reluctant to date him, even if you want to. You don’t want to hurt him and you don’t want to use him. You tell him everything and Jungkook just listens. He listens and listens and then when you’re done he pulls you close and hugs you until the tears are all dried and you’re left with nothing but feelings of safety and comfort, wrapped up in Jungkook’s embrace.

“I don’t want to be hurt anymore” You confess with a sniffer and Jungkook nods, his chin resting on the top of your head. He holds you tighter and presses a soft kiss against your temple.

“I know. I know baby. I’m sorry you went through that. I’m sorry he was too much of an idiot to realise how amazing you are. But his loss, is still my gain. I want to date you. I want you to be mine. I want to show you what it means to love and be loved; I want to show you the joys of being in love. I can’t promise you it’ll all be sunshine and rainbows. But my god ____, I can promise that I won’t everhurt you the way he did. So, forget everything else and tell me what you want. If you want to try, I’m here. If you don’t feel ready, then I’ll still be here; I’ll wait until you’re ready. Because I want you. I want everything about you. I want your smile, your tears, your heartache but most importantly your love. I want it all” Jungkook says and you have no idea how he does it, but once again it’s like a huge burden is lifted off your shoulders. Jungkook is far stronger than you could ever hope to be. But a part of you wonders, that maybe, just maybeif you stick by him, he’ll lend you some of that strength.

So, you say yes.

And he kisses you.

{End of Flashback}

Now it’s been almost two and a half months since you’ve been in Jeju and it’s time you went back. Graduation was in a week; you had gotten your results two week before hand and surprisingly, you’d passed all your modules. You were getting a degree. You had immediately run to Jungkook and the two of you had celebrated with a quick picnic on the beach, Jungkook snatching a bottle of wine from the restaurant’s wine cellar. You had packed up all your things and were finally ready to head back to Seoul and face real life. You couldn’t run from your life; something Jungkook had reminded you of everyday.

“Ready to go?” Jungkook asked, his own bag packed with him. You smiled at him and nodded. You turned to the flat once again, smiling nostalgically before you turned off all the lights and deposited the keys where they were supposed to be. He grabbed your bag and carried it towards the taxi waiting for the two of you. Jungkook was returning with you for two reasons. The first being, to your great surprise, was that he too attended university in Seoul and therefore, he too had to return back to everyday life. The second being, that he really wanted to watch you graduate.

There was very little you could refuse Jungkook and so you had accepted, more than happy to be returning with him. You had worried about needed to return to Seoul. You had come to develop a deep fondness for Jungkook. It wasn’t love yet, you were still wary and Jungkook understood. He was in a similar position. But that didn’t mean you weren’t particularly fond of each other. For now, it was more than enough. There was no way to say what the future entailed, but you had some hope that you’d somehow last.

Your feelings for Jungkook were day and night in comparison to your feelings for Taehyung. You weren’t consumed with a burning want like you had for Taehyung; instead you were filled with a small need for him. The need to tell him how your day went, to the need to touch him whether it be a small brush of your hands or his arms around you in bed. You were filled with the need to see him smile and to see him flourish and you were assured the feelings were reciprocated. Being with Jungkook was one of the best things to ever happen to you and you were soglad you had run away and found him.

But now, it was time to go home.

A small part of you dreaded returning. You had no idea what was happening; sure, you’d kept in touch with Jimin, dropping him texts every now and then but you never asked about Taehyung and he never bothered telling you. You were going back blind and it filled you with nervousness. You’d messaged Jimin, letting him know you’d be moving back in. Jimin was ecstatic, but he questioned whether it was wise. You weren’t entirely sure yourself. But you were done running, that was your home as much as it was Taehyung’s and you were not giving it up. Besides, you sincerely hoped that you and Taehyung could move on and continue being friends. Of course, it shouldn’t be too much of a problem once he realised you’d moved on and he could happily be with Hyorin.

However, only time would tell.

“I can’t believe you’re back! I missed you so much! Tell me everything, how was Jeju?” Jimin bounces over to you, happiness radiating off of him as he greets you with a hug. You let out a small laugh and hug him back once you place your bags down.

“I can’t believe I’m back either. I missed you too! Can I unpack first? My room is still available right. I didn’t even ask before dropping you a text telling you I was moving back in” You say apologetically and Jimin shakes his head.

“We rented out your room for a bit, but your stuff is still there and your name is still on the lease so it’s all good. Do you need any… help unpacking?” Jimin trails off when Jungkook enters your shared apartment. He gives Jimin a shy smile and Jimin’s eyes widen to the size of saucers. He turns to look at you, gaping like a fish as he flicks between you and Jungkook.

“Babe, where do you want this?” Jungkook asks and Jimin splutters. You send him a weird look before pointing your room out to Jungkook.

“Down there, Kook. I’ll come help in a bit” You say and Jungkook nods as he grabs your stuff and his before taking it into your room. Once he’s out of earshot, Jimin rounds on you.

“Who is that? Is he staying here? Whatthe fuck happened in Jeju? Are you over Taehyung?” Jimin rapidly questions and you reel back slightly before laughing at him as you pat his shoulder, trying to calm him down.

“That Jungkook… my boyfriend I guess. He’s staying for a short while; his apartment is still being room is still being rented to some summer tenants so he has to wait it out. So much happened in Jeju but the main thing was that I started seeing Jungkook. And I don’t think I’ll everbe over Taehyung, but I’m better. Definitely much better” You say with a soft smile and Jimin raises his eyebrow.

“Does Jungkook know?” Jimin asks and you send him an agitated look.

“Of course, he knows. I wouldn’t keep such a big thing from him. He knows all about Taehyung and he’s super understanding. It’s more that I deserve” You reply and Jimin scowls at you.

“Don’t do that. You deserve more than you think you do. But damn, all hell is going to break loose when Taehyung returns” Jimin says and you frown, eyebrows furrowed as you ponder his words.

“What do you mean? Why would all hell break loose?” You ask but before he could answer, the front door clicks open and Taehyung enters holding grocery bags.

“Hey Jimin, the store didn’t have your favourite ramen so I got another type-“ Taehyung begins but he stops short when his head lifts up and he meets your gaze. Time seems to stand still as the two of you look at each other. Taehyung’s is one of shock while a small unsure smile is painted upon your lips. It’s been almost half a year since you’ve seen Taehyung. You avoided him like the plague during exam season and then you disappeared to Jeju Island. He’s still as beautiful as the day he walked out of your room. Except now, his mullet is gone and in place a shorter version; and his hair is no longer blonde but back to its natural dark colouring.

“Is… is that really you?” Taehyung asks and you not shyly, unsure why you’re so unnerved. Taehyung immediately drops his bags and stalks over to you and before you know it, his arms are wrapped around you, pulling you close to his chest and encasing you in his embrace. You breathe out a sigh of relief and hug back. Maybe this would be easier than you imagined.

“Surprise!” You say quietly but Taehyung ignored it, instead he holds you at arm’s length and takes in every inch of your appearance.

“I can’t believe it’s you. I can’t believe you’re back. I missed you. I missed you so much, please don’t ever leave me again. I love you” Taehyung confesses and you freeze, your brain short circuiting for a bit but before you can respond, Taehyung’s lips are locked against yours. Your eyes widen in shock and you stand stock-still for a couple moments before your brain registers exactly what is happen. You quickly struggle against his hold and finally managed to break away, pushing him off of you. Taehyung looks at you in shock and you regard him in disbelief and anger.

“What do you think you’re doing? You can’t just kiss me like that Kim Taehyung! What made you think that was okay?” You cry, pointing an accusatory finger at him.

“What? Why not? I love you. I’m sorry, I was such an idiot before and it took you leaving for me to realise just what I feel for you. I know it sounds like a cop out and you have no reason to believe me after what I said, but I dolove you. And I’m willing to spend the rest of my life showing you just how much I love you” Taehyung says and you scoff in incredulity.

“Are you fucking kidding me Kim Taehyung? You’re right I don’t believe you. I don’t want to believe you. You told me you could neverlove me the way you love Hyorin. Speaking of, where is she? We made the mistake of cheating once, I won’t do it again” You spit out, ire rising with each passing moment. How could he do this to you? You were finallymoving on and here he was, throwing a wrench in your work. Well you wouldn’t allow it, you refuseto be a part of his game anymore.

“I broke up with her. I was an idiot. Such an idiot, I never should have ditched you. I never should have distanced myself from you. I love you. I love you so much and I know you love me. So please, just give me a chance” Taehyung pleads, reaching one hand out to grab yours. You pull it away and shake your head at him.

“Yeah, you were. But that’s in the past. I can’t give you a chance anymore. I’m sorry, you lost that the minute you walked out of my door that day. You left me completely broken. You hurt me, in a way I never expected you to. I’m fine now, I got over it. But I’m sorry to say Taehyung… I don’t love you anymore” You whisper and you yourself are startled by the truth of your words. But it’s true. You don’tlove him anymore. All those feelings are replaced by placid feelings of fondness for your best friend and nothing else.

“No. No, you don’t mean that. You love me. You’ve loved me for years. You can’t be over me so easily. It’s only been half a year. You love me. Please tell me you love me” Taehyung begs, tears pooling in his eyes and a part of you aches for him. You know exactly what he’s feeling; the desperation to be loved by the one you love. But you couldn’t offer him that solace anymore.

“I can’t. I can’t say that, because it’s not true. I love you Taehyung, but not in that way. Not anymore. That’s what happens when you’re hurt that muchby the person you love. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry to do this and I hope one day we can go back to being friends. But any romantic notion of me and you, died that day Taehyung” You say with a small sob, you hadn’t even registered you were crying. But these tears aren’t for yourself. These are for Taehyung. These tears are for the heart you know you’re breaking with your words. But you can’t lead him on. You can’t do what he did to you for so long.

“NO! No! Please, I love you” Taehyung implores and you desperately wish he had done this months ago. But it’s too late now. His confession is far too delayed and you can’t help but wonder if you and Taehyung were cursed with nothing but missed opportunities and incorrect timing. In another world, in another life, you could see yourself with Taehyung. But not in this life. Not in this world. You were happy with Jungkook and you weren’t going to give that up.

“Is everything okay?” Jungkook asks as he walks our wearily, he regards Taehyung with a guarded expression before his eyes fall onto you. His eyes widen in panic at your tear streaked face; he quickly walks over to you and pull you into him. His hand cups your cheek and lifts your chin up to look at him.

“____? Are you okay baby? What’s wrong?” Jungkook ask and the concern etched onto his face only makes you cry harder. You’re convinced you don’t deserve him, but you’d be damned if you were letting him go. So, you do the only thing you can. You pull him into a kiss and pour out all your emotions into it. It’s not love and Jungkook knows it, but right now it’s the closest thing to it and he’ll take it.

“Take me away. We can unpack later, but right now. I just want to watch the sunset with you” You whisper and Jungkook immediately nods. He runs into your room and grabs both your jacket before he grabs your hand and tugs you along with him. He waves Jimin goodbye and regards Taehyung with an apologetic look before leading you out of your flat. You stop briefly and turn to Taehyung.

“I’m sorry Taehyung. I really am” You whisper and then Jungkook shuts the door.

This time, Taehyung watches you leave. His chest feels likes its being caved in and he’s filled with despair. He watches you leave with Jungkook, your hands entwined and he wants nothing more than to be in his place. But he saw the hint of love in your eyes when you looked at Jungkook. It’s not as strong as how you used to look at him, but it’s there and his heart shatters. When he finally hears the door shut, he knows that this is the end. You’ve walked out of his life, once and for all. There’s no more you and Taehyung. He lost that right a while ago. Doubt clouds his mind and he ponders the what ifs. What if he realised his feelings sooner, what if he ran after you? What if he’d never walked out that day? Maybe, just maybe he’d have you in his arms right now.

But he can’t change the past.

He can’t change the inkling of love you have for Jungkook.

He can’t make you love him again.

And Taehyung briefly wonders, how do you cope with losing something you both had and didn’t have?

A/N: This AU took everything out of me. So I hope you enjoyed that!

Masterlist

[theawkwardterrier]

things left behind and the things that are ahead, ch. 41

AO3 link here

Although it doesn’t exactly happen often, Tony isn’t taken totally by surprise when his uncle Steve calls and says that he’ll be in the city next week and would like to have lunch. Steve makes it up to New York every few months to visit Rose or Bucky and Layla, to spend time with Maria. Sometimes he comes through on his way to visit Her Honor and family in Boston or on the way home again. He and Tony are more likely to see each other at bigger group occasions like holidays and celebrations (or funerals, though Tony puts that out of his mind; his mom still lives on her own, takes elegant care of herself, and is spry and sharp as hell despite being past her eightieth birthday) but Steve’s always been a family man, committed to keeping in touch with everyone. Tony and Pepper just received a hand-illustrated card from him on their anniversary a couple weeks back, and the one he sent Jude, decorated with multicolored trumpeting elephants, still has nightstand pride of place even though most of the actual birthday presents have been relegated back to the toy chest.

He tells Steve this as they sit down to lunch together in the cafe on the ground floor of the Stark Industries building, and it actually brings out a smile. Ruby and Trent from VR are passing by the table and double take seeing it, both automatically smiling back. It’s on the tip of Tony’s tongue to say something about how ol’ Steve’s still got it, but that’s a particular sort of smart remark that belongs to a time before Peggy passed.

(Although it’s been several years now, no one has even suggested that Steve look for some companionship or try one of those senior dating sites. The man talks about filling his days with gardening and book club and volunteering, regularly spending time with Emma and Nate and whichever of the grandkids and great-grandkids live locally, but he doesn’t or maybe can’t hide the crater left without his wife by his side. When Tony pictures Steve in the Maryland house these days, he has to stop because he somehow always imagines a single plate at the kitchen table and a tick-tick-ticking in the background: the hallway grandfather clock that he can’t remember ever actually paying attention to, overwhelmed as it always has been by conversation during family gatherings hosted there. The whole thing makes him sad as hell.)

As they start in on their first course, a butternut squash bisque - yes, there’s a first course; this place is damn classy - Steve asks about Tony’s kids, and he’s only too happy to whip out his phone and show off pictures (and then video, but who’s keeping score?) first of Jude all dressed up as a chef in the When We Grow Up-themed kindergarten end of year play, then of AJ’s science fair display, zooming in on all the aspects including the bright blue second place ribbon. He even shows off Morgan’s latest choice for their two-person book club, which he has in ebook and audio. The whole time, Steve watches him with a strange sort of expression, clearly taking in the information, asking questions, smiling at Tony’s stories, but with some odd barrier up.

“It’s Wednesday,” Tony mentions as they take the first bites from their slices of cake. “If you can stick around until 3:30, I’m sure they’d love to see you.”

He’s continued the tradition from his youth, bringing his own kids into the office at least once a week starting even before they could walk. Those are some of his best childhood memories, sitting on lab stools with his father and brainstorming ways to make interesting explosions, his feet dangling two feet above the floor, having his dad look over at him in meetings and say, “So, what do you think, Tony?” Walking home, lunch bag swinging, his small hand clasped in a larger one to help him safely across the streets, waving to Jarvis as they went upstairs to build block towers together. Sometimes he’d do his homework when there was paperwork to take care of, and it was always a laugh to ask for help with history or French (“Call me when you’re learning about Newton or Tesla,” Dad used to protest. “And don’t even tell your mother that you asked me about anything in French.”) He hopes that he’s passing on the same type of memories.

“I think we should see how today goes,” says Steve. He smiles again and Tony wants to squint at it, hold it beneath the microscope, it’s such a complicated looking thing: that pure, good-hearted happiness, but with pain and nostalgia and something that might be doubt quirking at the edges. Not entirely unusual for him over the last few years, but Tony’s starting to suspect that Uncle Steve has more secrets than just the Captain America thing and that he might be about to find one out.

The Captain America thing: even though it’s put to bed now, if Tony thinks about it, he can still feel the...not even irritation, but hurt, from when he’d found out.

It had been Pepper who started it, after they’d dated for a bit, when he’d suggested starting to bring her to family things. She’d met his parents, the Barnses, Steve and Peggy and their kids, at various functions or at the office over the years, but when it had been time to introduce her as his girlfriend, she’d wanted to prepare. She’d asked questions and gathered information, profiled everyone, and the more she’d delved, the fewer answers he’d realized he had. He remembered that Peggy and Steve got together five years or so after the war, but had also grown up hearing their stories - and Bucky’s, and his dad’s - from working together during the war. He could trace Howard and Peggy between the SSR and forming SHIELD, but Steve and Bucky were completely off the map.

Finally, on the Fourth of July, after he’d had a couple of drinks and watched Peggy kiss Steve’s cheek and hand him a cupcake with a single candle, the way she did each Independence Day Tony had been with them for no reason he could fathom, he’d just asked. His mother had placed a hand on his arm, and Peggy said, “Ah.” But he’d watched Steve, took in the way he’d leaned forward and clasped his hands together before he said, “Listen, Tony.”

When the words were finally in the charcoal-scented air around them, he wasn’t exactly surprised by them, they added up, but he couldn’t believe that he hadn’t been told. It had grown even worse when he’d cornered Drea asking about it and she’d said that her father had sat them down and told them all decades before, while Tony was still in high school, and that Tony hadn’t been a part of that. As if everyone had just decided that they didn’t need to tell him. As if there had been the whole family, knowing this, and then him, alone.

Steve claimed responsibility, apologized right. He always did: “I handled it badly. I should have told you earlier, personally. I know it made you feel excluded.” And Tony had forgiven him, had even forgiven the rest of the Carters after talking more with Drea and then the others. After he’d heard how hurt she’d been, too, finding out that her father with whom she’d shared so much had this part of his life about which she knew nothing, as if she’d barely known him; how she’d burrowed in with the information, trying to puzzle through it, come to grips with the way it changed and didn’t change her whole past. They told him the story of how Rose shattered her wine glass in the middle of the restaurant when Steve had first said it and that every time she spoke to her parents for the next month, she’d interrogate them and wind up yelling. All these years later, Emma still seemed to let the fact of it slide out of her mind. Her life is picket fences and politics, and it is as if she doesn't want it to sink in, this other and simultaneous identity of her father.

(Tony’s actually seen Nate bring it up casually - “Oh, is that the time when you and the Commandos were in France?” or asking about growing up with a host of chronic conditions - but there are plenty of reasons why Nate Carter and Tony are different and that’s just one.)

Even though the splinter of the secret has been removed, healed over, there’s still an odd reminder of it, a feeling of trepidation, as he and Steve take the elevator up. He almost stops at Pepper’s floor to say hello, push off a little longer whatever might be coming, but he knows that she has a meeting, and he’ll have to handle whatever it is anyway.

The lights flip on as they walk in, and Tony absently says, “Thanks, TESLA,” as he gestures Steve over to one of the work benches. He does have an actual desk and the old computer parts he has spread out aren’t repair priorities, aren’t really anything more than something to play around with, but he has the feeling he’s going to want to do something with his hands while they get down to business.

“So,” Tony says as Steve brings over a chair, “what’s going on?”

Steve sits before he speaks. He touches the cool top of the table with the tips of his fingers. He says, very carefully, “There’s something I have to tell you.”

Ten minutes later, Tony has pushed the broken computer away and rested his hands flat on the table. “Time travel,” he says flatly. “You need help with time travel.”

“The time travel I have worked out,” Steve says, infuriatingly calm. “Or, it was worked out for me. It’s the reality hopping part in particular that I thought I’d ask you about. And I might need you to dip into the old lab storage for some Pym particles.”

“Pym—” Tony starts disbelievingly, then shakes his head, adding, “And of course you want to go to Greenland,” like the teacher’s pet giving a reminder about the homework assignment.

Steve actually glances down before he forces his gaze back up. “I don’t have to go - I have the coordinates, and the land is yours - but I’d like to...It feels wrong to just send someone without any ceremony.”

“Course it does,” Tony mutters, almost laughing. It doesn’t even occur to him that Steve’s not telling the truth - Steve’s not a liar, and nowhere close to senile - but the whole thing is ridiculous. He picks up an old Starkbook and a screwdriver again, cracking open the back in rapid twists. “You’re telling me that you’re actually a version of a Steve Rogers from another reality who traveled back in time seventy years ago, that the original Steve Rogers is still frozen in an iceberg while you lived an entire life, fiddled around with the timeline, and now you need to pop back over to where you came from for what? A quick chat? Sunday dinner?”

“To say goodbye.” Steve doesn’t say it as an admonishment. His words are quiet, almost internal. “I have people there who meant a lot to me, who mean a lot to me, and even if I’ve run into versions of them here, accidentally or on purpose, it’s not the same. They deserve to know what happened.” He doesn’t even meet Tony’s eye. Tony somehow feels chastised anyway. He swallows.

“Who knows about this?” he asks, a little more softly this time.

“Bucky knows some of what might have happened.” Tony almost starts to demand what exactly the some of it might be, but then Steve adds, “Your father knew that I’d come back. I’m not sure whether he told your mother.”

Tony twists the screwdriver hard enough that he almost strips the screw. “Seventy years ago, you showed up and told my dad you’d come from another time, but what, you didn’t trust him enough to tell him more than that?” His voice drops, fierce and low, as the next screw is released too quickly and with too much force, pinging off the table and getting lost beneath. “As if the two of you were perfect, as if you could be objective about everything, take care of it all. Saint Steve and Blessed Peggy. It must have been you and her, you would have told her everything so she could have worked it from the inside—”

Steve barks, “Tony,” suddenly on his feet, and it occurs to Tony that Steve might actually be able to beat him up, despite being...God, he can’t even track how old at this point, but certainly old enough for it to be embarrassing.

“Don’t talk about Peggy like that.” Steve’s voice is softer now but bitten to the quick. “I know I’ve just put a lot on you, and you can yell at me all you want for being arrogant or dishonest, whatever you’d like, but just...Not about her, alright?”

Aunt Peg would have given him that quiet, cold, imperious look if she were with them now. Tony pushes back on his heels thinking of it. And if his dad were here...he’d probably say that he trusted Steve and Peggy and didn’t trust himself enough to know these things. There had never been any sign that Howard Stark had been unfaithful in his marriage, and Tony hopes that his mother would have left if there had been, but Tony remembers the unconscious, appreciative way his father’s eyes would follow a pretty woman across the room at a party, his head turning quickly there and back again in the street, a habit he couldn’t seem to break, like his cigars and his whiskey, all those late nights, those flares of temper. If you couldn’t avoid those little weaknesses, you couldn’t let yourself be in charge of knowing the future, much less changing it.

“Wait,” says Tony, something catching up with him, snagging in his throat. “Wait. Why wouldn’t you have warned him about the heart attack? If you knew, if you’d already been changing stuff, why didn’t you tell him to go to a doctor, get imaging, just eat better, shit.”

“There are things,” says Steve, “that even I don’t know. I didn’t know that he would die that way, Tony, I swear. The first...In the other timeline, he died earlier, and differently.” He slides his hands into his pockets, and the quiet strength of him is obvious as he meets Tony’s eyes instead of glancing away. “But I did tell him to eat better anyway.”

Steve had been a statue at the funeral, Tony remembers that. He’d thought that it was because of the suddenness, Howard grappling to host that year’s Thanksgiving dinner one minute and gone the next, or because the guys from the war had started to pass recently and it hurt to see your old friends going, the ones who had been there for so long, who held your youth, shared your memories. Later, he’d even wondered if Steve had held himself so still and silent because Tony was trembling and needed someone to lean on; Steve had certainly let him do that, no matter what else was going on. But now he peers differently at the memory of the tight clutch of Steve and Peggy’s hands, the way Steve had said, “I’m so sorry, Tony,” at the graveside, not only condolence but apology - he sees the guilt in it now, the burden.

Tony hooks a chair with his foot and drops into it. “Okay,” he says, scrubbing both palms over his face. “Okay. Tell me what you can.”

And as Steve begins to speak, he starts to understand not only how deep this one man’s collapse might have been but how deep the world’s too. War and the lightly done destruction of the planet, Bucky taken and tortured, Hydra - Hydra, which was from history textbooks, which was a sidebar in history textbooks - beneath everything, and then...

“Half the universe,” he says, turning over the words in his mouth. A minute ago he didn’t even know for sure that there was more than their little corner to consider (and he definitely has a few more questions for Steve about aliens). Now he tries to picture individual blades of grass on other planets, all the disappeared foxes and ferns and pets and coral, animals he doesn’t know and can’t describe. The people, even if he might not recognize them as such right away. The parents and children.

For just a second he imagines Pepper and their kids, the idea of one or two or three or all of them disappearing, but has to cut off even the conjured thought; the shrapnel gasp of it is too much and he rubs his knuckles over his chest to try to erase the horror of it. He tries to think through just the logistics of it all: what if he’d gone and after three years or four Pep had married someone else? Who was she really married to and who was she expected to divorce? What if someone adopted your kids? Jesus, the therapists would have full schedules if nothing else, because even if it was reversed, it had happened. Somewhere out there, all that had happened.

He shakes his head, twitchy. “Even with what you came back knowing, how could you be sure that the strings you were pulling on were the right ones, the ones that would help things?”

Steve gives a single-beat laugh. “I’ve spent nearly twice your lifetime wondering.” He shifts his body and the light - not the bright lab fixtures but that high, brilliant sun coming through the windows, a reminder that it is still only midafternoon - edges onto his face just so, revealing the sharp cut of time landscaping his cheeks and forehead, running beside his eyes, tied tightly around his mouth.

“Peggy and I talked about it all forever. I think we did what we could, did well enough even if it sometimes didn’t seem like it. But I also think that there’s probably a world out there where we did it all better.”

“Then there’s probably a world out there where you did it worse,” Tony offers, and somehow it makes Steve smile.

“From what I’ve seen, I’d bet that there’s a version for every decision you can imagine. One where I didn’t go back, or one where I went back and only told Peggy where to look in the ice but didn’t stay. One where I never went into the ice at all. One where I died as a kid, or from the serum, or in the war, or during the crash. A whole bunch, probably, where Dr. Erskine decided to give Peggy the serum instead.” His voice grows quiet; he seems to hold the words close. “One where she wore blue to our wedding instead of white, and one where she wore red. One where she became president, and one where she decided she’d finished with meetings and went back to being an agent. One where we decided not to have any kids, and one where she was able to carry them, and one where we adopted some other kids who some other me loves just as much as I do mine.”

They sit in silence for a moment, then: “Have you told them about this?” Tony asks. “Will you?”

A sigh, and Tony remembers with a strange, electric chill that this man - Uncle Steve, Grant Carter, Captain America, Steve Rogers - this man will one day die, lifetime strung against lifetime finally at an end.

“Your life,” Steve says, “turned out in many ways the same. Here or there: smart and wealthy, philanthropist, father. I can’t say for certain that it would be the same for my kids. And I know that they’re strong people, and I hope that I’ve helped them find solid foundations, but I don’t know that I can torture them with the idea of what might have been, of what might be, somewhere out there.”

Tony thinks suddenly of standing with Rose at some family thing, probably three or four years back. He’d asked if she ever considered what might have been if she’d been made a judge. Fairly insensitive, he realized now - it had been pretty soon after they’d found out that Drea had been on the shortlist to replace Justice Ginsburg - but Rose had just cackled gleefully. He remembers turning his head at the sound: her mother was already dying - truly dying, not only the sort that starts the day someone is born - and it had been a while since he’d heard one of the Carters laugh freely like that. Her eyes had a delighted razor’s edge to them, and he’d sort of understood how opposing counsel must feel when Rose Carter showed up for a meeting.

“They’d have to have stopped caring about judges keeping any claim to objectivity,” she had said. “But think of how I’d run my courtroom, all those acidic opinions I could write!” She’d cackled again. “Imagine that sort of alternate universe.”

One part of Tony, a part that sounds quite a lot like Steve himself, considers rigorous honesty, the lies by kind omission that can poison things just as easily as those meant maliciously. But another part, the side of him that sneaks dollar bills beneath the pillow for each lost tooth, that smooths sweaty, rumpled hair and says, “I’m here, don’t worry, I’ll always be here” during storms or after nightmares, the part that hesitated before placing Morgan, not yet two weeks old, into Steve’s arms, even as he felt that he might remember being held securely there himself, the part of him that’s a parent...that part understands.

She’ll turn seventy in a couple of years, Rose Carter. What purpose will it serve to tell her this, to have her wonder not only about worlds where she might have been a judge, but those where she never became a lawyer, never found her career or her family, where she might have been raised by people with different ideas about how to handle an incandescently angry child or a young woman who had no interest in romance, worlds where she was never taken in at all? What need is there to tell her, to tell all the Carters, if it meant turning those thoughts from something coming across the brain for a second, easily brushed aside, to true possibilities, if not for them than for some other version out there?

Finding out that their father had once upon a time gone by another name, that he had been more than the average soldier during the war, those things might require some adjustment, but this life, their life together, their memories, remained largely the same. This could turn the entire universe to quicksand.

Tony clears his throat. “I’m guessing whatever—” He waves a hand. “Your supersuit, or your time machine, the TARDIS...it’s not with you here?”

“No,” says Steve. “I didn’t want it to get misplaced on the train.”

As if it’s just another piece of luggage and he didn’t want to set them up for some sort of hijinks. “Okay, well, I’m coming down to meet with the NSF in a couple of weeks. I’ll swing by to take a look then.”

“Thank you. That sound goo—”

Steve is cut off by TESLA’s voice, bright and warm and synthetic. “Reminder: it is 3:20. Please cease working and prepare to greet the children.”

“I can go before they get here,” Steve offers, standing.

“What, you’re gonna scale the side of the building, old man?” The words arrive without Tony thinking about them. Even as he has a sense of unreality, trying to let himself have both the life he did two hours ago and this new concept of everything, he shrugs into the familiarly smart remark like an old coat that turns out to still fit.

Tony stands too, comes closer, places a hand on Steve’s shoulder. “I told you, the kids’ll love to see you.”

“Alright,” and even though it sounds a little shaky and sad, Steve’s smile looks real.

As TESLA reports that the kids are in the elevator on the way up, accompanied by their babysitter, Pepper’s niece Callie, Tony thinks to ask, “How did you know that I’d help you?”

Steve’s smile turns deeper, somehow more amused and more sad at once. “You helped me then, over there,” he says. “And you’d punched me quite a bit more than you have here.”

“Wait,” says Tony, turning toward him. “What?” But the doors open just then, Jude and AJ racing each other in, shrieking in endlessly delighted purposelessness, Mo coming more sedately after them, eyes big and observant behind those new glasses, and Tony just opens his arms to them all.

More chapters here