#bonus if the said monster is a nice one to be protected from humans / a terrific one who craves for love

[tg-headcanons]

Thinking about ghouls as farmers/farmhands

I imagine that some types of kagune would be excellent for harvesting/ploughing with a nice bonus of no carbon emissions. I imagine ghouls, after criminalisation, would possibly even revolutionise farming/carbon footprint from farming?

(Although of course ideally a farm wouldnt till but even then for harvesting ghouls would be quite efficient.)

GHOULS IN FARMING AND FOOD PRODUCTION IS SO INTERESTING

Ghouls have always been a part of society, and regardless of where they are or how accepted they are, they’ve always had some hand in farming since, especially before industrialization, it was a good field for them. Their strength, senses, and kagune make them fantastic at cultivating, protecting, and harvesting food

In old world cultures where ghouls were always ostracized, they couldn’t be open about why their crops grew so well, so they tended to make up myths and stories about some ritual or another that makes their harvests so bountiful. They had senses of smell and pressure detection that could help them sniff out blights and pests, as well as semi-accurately predict rainfall, letting them handle issues before they got too bad. That, and their strength that lets them handle the physical task of planting and harvesting, helped them produce a lot of plants. But telling humans how they did it is off the table, so it was common for them to have a plowing Ox just for show and to say they said some prayer that helped

A lot of why ghouls thrived in farming is due to their regeneration. It may not be talked about much anymore, but it is DANGEROUS. Not just the modern machinery, but the strain of lifting and carrying. The illnesses carried by plants and animals. The workhorses and oxen that can just fucking kick you to death. The PIGS. It’s all risky work, and back before antibiotics, just one cut and you’re done for. A person who can not only survive almost any cut, but take a donkey kick to the face and get right back up to finish plowing the field is one of the most valuable people any farming village can have

Farming animals is more hit or Miss, because a lot of prey animals panic when they smell ghoul. Some ghouls still kept them and after enough time, or enough animals born around the smell of them, they could get used to it. Historically ghouls have run a lot of butcher shops because it was one of the best places to hide human meat before dna testing became widely available, so some animal husbandry skill was a good thing

Ghouls tended to make good shepherds. In especially rural areas, a lot of humans would collectively decide not to talk about the fact that someone is obviously a monster because they’re simply so fast and strong and don’t let sheep and cattle go missing or get hunted. If you were in Cold Ass Nowhere Ireland in 1635 and you had a shepherd who not only never loses a sheep but also eats the English, you’d pretend you didn’t notice either

In areas and cultures where ghouls were more accepted, they were essential to hunting and farming. North and central american ghouls had traits designed for taking down megafauna to supplement their diets, and their human companions could depend on them to bring countless Buffalo and deer home. Jungle subspecies had traits built for climbing, and were central to the harvest of high growing fruits and beans. A now likely extinct species native to Canada had semi aquatic adaptations and a thick layer of fat who were designed to hunt seals and small whales, and shaped the way any community lucky enough to have some survived. In places where ghouls were welcomed, they were so efficient at harvesting and hunting that land rarely needed to be developed for monocultures at all

When ghouls are decriminalized in more parts of the world, their physical abilities are allowed to shine again. Stories of ghoul farmers through history arise. Plenty of American and Polynesian communities (who had been telling people about ghoul’s contributions to their land and cultures for years and were having that brushed off as myth) can legally reintroduce the old practices of ghoul hunting and harvesting techniques. Smaller farms hire more ghouls once it’s clear that they can do machine level work without the expense of maintaining machines, and it’s one of the biggest ghoul hiring fields at the start of their legalization

Naturally, ghoul farming unions are quick to form. They can do machine level work, but are not going to risk being treated like machines for it. As with any Union there’s some backlash, but when it becomes apparent just how much better ghouls are at crop maintenance and harvesting, demands are met. It’s become a well paying profession, and has been good work for ghouls that struggle with the human grade education they were denied when they were younger, or ghouls who simply prefer to work outside doing something that benefits people

[funishment-time]

Love these headcannons I want five more

Question 17

YAY

17. List five headcanons for your favorite characters!

Peko loves furries and fursuits, and after a bit of bashfulness is completely Unashamed of this. she is the type of person who is not really a Furry herself but a big fan and adjacent to the fandom. she would happily accompany any fursuiting friend to a convention to spot them (in exchange for getting to give them headpats) but perhaps would be a little Overzealous in ensuring no one tries to mess with them while they're suiting

Junko actually loves animals. i know this is a very "petting the dog" kind of thing and i'm very much against Defanging DR characters, but also i don't think we ever see her or her peeps hurt a real animal. in-universe, no one notices until years later that while she destroyed Swaths of humanity, she left critters untouched, and rogue Monokuma bots still seem to be feeding zoo creatures, strays, and orphaned pets. further, Gundham was actually one of her Favorite remnants, if she could be said to feel any emotion like that; it's why his execution is more honorable than many others

additionally, Junko had set-ups for all the Executions we don't see as listed in extra DR materials like the artbooks. this does in fact mean that the Future Foundation had to go in and save a bunch of sharks meant for Hina from the Hope's Peak basement. said sharks are in pretty good condition, actually. Junko loved those fucking sharks

Kyoko and Hina take care of Celestia's pet cat post-DR3. he is exactly like Celeste in every way, down to laziness and demands of gyoza, and even requires a Place at the table during Survivor Family Games of Yahtzee. notably, however, he doesn't play; he paws at players when they're about to make a shitty move. Hina wonders if perhaps he taught Celestia all she knows

in any nice non-despair AU, Kotoko's best (older) friend becomes Sakura, who makes good on her Summer Camp promise to protect her in various ways. Sakura may hate the title ogre but she allows Kotoko to lovingly call her Monster Girl or Big Sis Monster, and even comes to enjoy it

BONUS: two misc Engineering Trio headcanons. one, Miu actually is not rude to Chihiro because that makes him cry and she gets uncomfortable when her words actually have An Effect. she is gruff and exasperated but never Rude. two, Kazuichi sees Miu as something like a Disney Channel older sister, mean in the most Immature Ways but ultimately family, and this is their relationship for all of time.

[thebrainrotsreal]

I need you to know every since I saw this reblog I have losing my fucking MIND RIGHT NOW HOLY SHIT????? YOU GET IT. YOU GET IT FR THIS IS INCREDIBLE. I am losing my mind. I am fucking pacing. I want to scream to the very heavens in excitement. Shrieking and foaming at the mouth because yes yes yes yes yes yes.

Calling him Wasp? Yes. I love him. I love that. I was also thinking this, but oh my goodness now it's tickling me because hehe "W" being upside down "M", and vice versa just like how Wasp and Mark are arguable the same "letter" AKA person just inverted morals. I love them so much, your honor.

I LOVE THE WAY YOU THOUGHT OF THE PLOT BECAUSE IT MAKES PERFECT SENSE. I can see Cecil capturing Wasp if Angstrom accidentally openeed one last portal and Wasp came through. Wasp says something implying he's fought/killed/etc. I can absolutely see Cecil using Wasp a potential weapon-in-training (tortured to obey), since they are seriously lacking in the super powered forces right now. Wasp is fucking feral about this double torture because a) forced to help and/or be nice? He would rather bite someone's throat out, then b) his fucking pride of being captured by human forces he once killed.

I seriously want to reply of these because they're incredible but please picture me like so, in complete and utter excitement for every single thing you just said because i love this AU with all my heart and soul and I am so happy I went through with posting it.

I am actively short circuiting in complete and utter excitement because yes yes yes yes. I know what I am drawing next oh my goodness holy shit.

"they both hate each other so much, but it merges with hating themselves bc. they're the same person. what hurts one, hurts the other, no matter how different they are"

YES YES YES EXACTLY! There is this self loathing that exists when they're so callous and violent towards each other, and it's off-putting to witness. I think similar to how Wasp is jarring because he acts exactly like Mark except for the one almost invisible (at times) difference, it's jarring to see Mark being so angry at someone else, and so constantly full of loathing whenever Wasp is around. Even if it's a low simmering annoyance, a deep exhaustion, he's so callous and biting, in a way he would never be with anyone else. They just set each other off so instantly. If Mark (or Wasp) come back with a bruise, you don't know if it's hero related or because he was fighting with the other "twin".

Bonus points if: much like how Nolan flies is eerie because it's too smooth (while Mark makes poses that feel more natural) when he's around Wasp and pissed the fuck off, he flies like Nolan and Wasp do--entirely too smooth, unnatural-looking.

"mark "i can fix him" grayson vs mark "i can make him worse" grayson. one of them will drag the other to their side kicking and screaming"

YES YES YES AND AGAIN YES. EXACTLY THE POINT OF THE AU. I think if Wasp and Mark are ever working together on some hero mission, (Wasp being allowed to kill with monsters/creatures/etc) Wasp is scarily efficient because he aims to kill from the get go. And in a way, he's showing off. Showing how he's better in some way against Mark, because this Mark is so weak in his eyes, but he has his mom, his friends, his school, human food at a moment's notice (wholly believe Viltramite destruction means bye bye milkshakes) but the one thing Wasp has is violence and he wields it well. He refuses to let it go.

He wants Mark to crumble to see this way to validate everything he's done, so he's right, and what he's lost along the way was worth it.

I gotta imagine if Mark was ever struggling with an enemy (and Wasp was certain he wouldn't die or it's way earlier into their dynamic before the insane protectiveness while still full of hatred), he'd pull and Nolan and watch Mark, waiting for Mark to be deadly, to be something more (just like he is), and become even angrier when Mark wins at the last second, or struggles for far too long. He would probably ending the fight himself, scoffing at this Mark and hating him so much he can barely breath, choking on ire (because how dare you have so much more than me and be WEAK-). This could be how they meet???

"imagine wasp gifting mark other people's body parts like a cat leaving a dead bird in your room. he hands him a still beating heart, and thinks, hateful, "you had this coming. you're keeping me here against my will. deal with the consequences"... they grow to care for each other but in a very fucked up way. they still hate each other don't get me wrong, but they would now kill for each other"

Oh my goodness, this is so fucked up, I love it. Wasp hands him a still beating heart, a hand, an ear, a hand still twitching. I can see it, too. Wasp seeing where ever Mark is and gesturing come here and then shoving at it him, savoring when Mark pales in horror. Bonus points for imagery if Wasp's hands are bloody and in the process of catching the bloody whatever-it-is Mark's hands get bloody too.

Working with the other point, I can totally see Rex seeing this and being horrified and yelling at Wasp, "What the fuck is wrong with you?! You know what-", and Mark just instantly shoving out a hand to make Rex back off, glaring venomously. "Don't. Just Don't." And almost wanting to flinch at Mark's tone. Remembering this is Nolan's son for a second. What he can do.

Dysfunctional ass siblings with cain instinct pumped up to actively homicidal levels, actually lethal. Full of deep, deep loathing, and yet "lay a hair on him and I'll fucking kill you".

they can finish each other's sentences. they are not happy about it

YES YES YES YES YES. I KEEP SAYING THAT BUT IM LEGIT SOOO EXCITED AND DELIGHTED. They're so alike. Wasp and Mark go to comic con's together on a truce, they're delighted by the same issues and same shows. Especially Wasp, who might not be able to partake in comics/shows with the whole destruction and enslavement of humanity, and Mark (even tho he hates it) has someone to talk to about the stuff he likes. They both hate it.

They make the same jokes/same humor, they can guess each other's punchlines and end up snorting before it's even said. They both hate it so much.

They kick or punch each other out of the blue, too. Because they know they can take it out on each other, and it still hurts, this kind of self loathing, but it's so palpable, so poisonous.

OH AND THIS TOO:

wasp: oh, mom is still alive. y'know, i killed her in my universe. i could do it again in yours

mark, slowly turning around with a murderous look in his face: what.

I gotta imagine Wasp is unsettled by seeing Debbie alive again. Avoids Oliver. He can't stand whatever this is. Avoids them completely. He acts disgusted by them, but he's unsettled and scared of confronting the taste of regret and guilt. How it could consume him but he's not weak like that, he's not supposed to be, he can't be that way. Not him, he's stronger than that, he killed to be. He could kill her again, and he repeats to himself to be something smoothing. I could kill you, a soothing mantra to remind himself he is still strong.

ALSO YES EXACTLY. WASP BEING DRAGGED KICKED AND SCREAMING BY THE DAMN HAIR INTO REDEMPTION.

thank you so much for adding on because i am actively running on the fucking walls in incomprehensible excitement and utter delight. YOU GET IT.

EVIL MARK, EVIL MARK, EVIL MARK!!! I want to be coherent about this season but please picture me foaming at the mouth and running on the walls. S2 being what if Mark's just like his Dad? Insanity. I love this show. Anyways, AU where an Evil!Mark tries to make Our!Mark worse, and Our!Mark tries to make the other better. Something something confronting your idea of the worst version of oneself. Plus, tweaked black and yellow costume because I saw it and immediately went murder hornet lookin' ass and knew I had to draw it. Evil ass Mark. Horrible. I think he should be dragged kicking and screaming into redemption.

[waragainstyourfaith]

Thank you to @broughtmeyourlove for listening to the beginnings of this (aka when I first got my thoughts down) and thank you to me for saying all this in the shower but most importantly thank you @hannibalhadalittlelamb whose art got me to finally think deeper about the nature of Hannibal’s trial. Let’s begin.

Hannibal’s trial isn’t something I usually see discussed within the fandom space. And why would it be? We know the final verdict and we know that besides that everything works out in the end anyway. It’s an afterthought. So who would care? That’s like reading the first few chapters of a book to skip to the final one. Characters change and so does the story as a whole.

On @/hannibalhadalittlelamb’s post (here), their tags read that their depiction of Hannibal is leaning into OOC (out of character) territory. I disagree.

During Hannibal’s trial, we have to think about how it would have gone down. Actually. There was no possible way for Will to miss or be exempt from this trial. His coworkers and boss knew his strong relation to Hannibal and how their professional relationship had definitely, at some point or another, turned personal. The mutual attempts of murder had not been lost on anyone, but, of course, that made Will all the more personal a witness.

However, Will wants nothing to do with Hannibal.

I understand there is a popular theory going around that Will and Hannibal were in a sort of understanding during the trial, but, honestly? We see Will desperately wanting to remain kept away from Hannibal, to live a normal life with a wife and son. Hannibal throws a wrench into this whole ordeal and this trial, after what conspired between them overseas, leaves Will in the headspace and with the opportunity to quite literally never see Hannibal again in his life.

And after everything and with what Will thinks he wants, how could he deny that? Helping Hannibal rule into the insanity plea was not an act of mercy but an act of protection. Will more than anyone knows Hannibal should be kept under 24/7 surveillance and away from every person he could ever harm. Being ruled out of given the death penalty was the underlying bonus his conscience wouldn’t let him think too deeply about.

In court, you are sworn in on the bible, on God, to tell “the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth [...] So help you God.”. Both Will and Hannibal were undoubtedly sworn in, but considering the argument Hannibal’s legal team was using, would you trust a man under the insanity plea or his victim who is an FBI agent more? Right.

So, Will is given free rein in this courtroom to spin the story of him and Hannibal whichever way he pleases. Seeing what I mentioned before, Will is going to remove himself as far away from Hannibal as he can while still being able to confidentially and securely reveal everything without getting his hands dirty nor embarrassing himself. Hannibal does not get this luxury.

Hannibal is a man of his privacy. As many analyses have written and as many real psychologists have said while dissecting the headspace of Hannibal, his need to eat people is his need to control. The trauma Hannibal went through with Mischa, whether you know the depth of it or just the surface, is enough context to explain what happens next. Hannibal eats them. Attitude is Hannibal’s one basis of morals and consensus. “One should always eat the rude”.

To determine their fate and to consume them is him “playing God”, but at its core, it is Hannibal needing to be in control. We see the severity of his true, underlying, desperation come to light at a first glimpse with the gruesome death of Beverly Katz. Undoubtedly, this is one of his most haunting scenes and we see the insides(dissection) of Beverly as she had attempted to find in Hannibal by going through his home. By sneaking a glance under the person suit. His inner monster comes out in a rage during this murder. He is private and anything that anyone knows about Hannibal is what he has allowed them to live to be able to say so. Look at Will’s position once more.

What no one seems to realize is that, during this trial, Hannibal is not in control. Will is the spinster of their life, a life Hannibal used his truest of colors to paint, and ultimately watched it becomes torn to shreds in front of him. Remember, Will is sworn in during this trial. This does not necessarily mean he is telling the truth, but it means everyone thinks he is. It’s a play of tragedy and Hannibal and Will are the two lead star-crossed lovers.

The entirely of Hannibal and the world he has handed to Will on a sparkling platter is being dissected and shown to everyone. The story of the Chesapeake Ripper was undoubtedly massive. A criminal having not been caught for years that everyone seemed to know nothing about revealed to be one of the closest, inside links with the FBI themselves? Tale of the decade.

The spotlight is on Hannibal, but he is being puppeteered by Will without a say in it for himself.

Hannibal cracks as he’s poked and prodded and bare for the media to do as they like and Will sits by and says what he likes. Here is where we would see a sliver of what lays beneath their person suits. Hannibal’s impulsivity and monstrousness under his charming exterior and Will’s manipulative, isolatedness under his empathetic cloak.

We look at Hannibal. He would be torn to shreds from this. The porcelain pot that contains his beast has broken and shattered by the swatting hand of Will, someone he trusted and loved. The intruding eyes of the jury stay on him as he is diagnosed as insane while he considers himself to be in the best possible headspace he ever could be. Everything he told Will and what he considered truth from Will’s mouth was dismissed and disputed under oath.

Hannibal is embarrassed. People call him insane and lock him away at dig through his mind and his things without his permission with protruding needles and telescopes. Hannibal has to play nice to simply be allowed a working toilet and the books that he has collected himself. Anything and everything he writes and draws that he wants to send out is dissected and analyzed. He has no privacy. He is not allowed a toe out of line.

Looking back at Hannibal from season one, episode seven is a good one to compare from, and when we see him first after year years in isolation, we see plain as day these are not the same men. In season one, Hannibal is handsome and cunning enough so that he wiggles his way into the deepest, most protected parts of the FBI as one of the highest-ranked killers on their watch list. He is polite enough to even invite them to dinner and feed them the organs of his victims.

He’s slick and intelligent and Hannibal is the idea of a lifetime.

And then we come to the second half of season three.

Hannibal, at this point, has been isolated for three years and has been under painful scrutiny even longer. During this time, he’s had all the space he could get to rebuild the person suit, but the pieces won’t fit. It’s jaggedly put together and no matter how long he spends trying to perfect its construction to what it used to be, it isn’t what it used to be. Will had done that to him. Will had effectively broken Hannibal.

I see often the running gag that season three is immensely funnier and leaning much more into the comedy aspect of Hannibal during his interactions with Will and Alana and even jack to an extent. But this is not him being funny; this is Hannibal pushing limits.

Looking back to paragraph eleven [“To determine their fate and consume them…”] we come back to Hannibal’s need to control. Remember, in this space, Hannibal is shoved into line. He’s snappy and cynical here. This is Hannibal exercising his limits and testing patience. His acting out and making snide comments is nothing he can be punished for, but it clearly agitates them. Hannibal teeters just enough on the edge of annoyance so that his jabs still hit, but his privileges still remain.

This is his monster leaking through the cracks. Hannibal is desperate. He is grasping for a hold over these people he had looked down upon from his throne in the sky as God for so long. He is rude. This is both his shield and deception. It leaves Hannibal with the idea that he is effectively feeding them out of his hand, that he has them right where he wants them. When Hannibal does this, it is his last line of defense to keep himself from blowing up. Ruining it all.

Season three is not season one. He is gasping and hurt and that is what makes the Dolarhyde kill all the more powerful. The whiplash and bounce back with his and Will’s relationship is powerful and dangerous.

Will watching Hannibal with his dead stare, person suit thrown off the moment he decided to go with Hannibal into that car, as he is shot is groundbreaking. Hannibal can see Will. they have effectively switched positions. As though he were God, Will looks down on Hannibal’s suffering. When Will decides to fight Dolarhyde in retaliation,  this is the point it all cuts lose.

At that moment, Will has freed the beast. Hannibal has finally someone to take the reins of his monster whom he trusts. Because Hannibal never blamed Will, even during that time in his isolation, he was waiting. Waiting for Will because despite the betrayal and despite the hurt he loved him. All that time he loved him.

The Dolarhyde kill is the messiest one of the show, which makes it all the more powerful. Hannibal has--I don’t want to say “lost composure”--but he definitely has dropped the act of his togetherness. In this, Hannibal is free. So long he has spent trying to hold himself together, to fool those around him and take care of everyone and himself. 

It’s a common misconception that a person in a position of power, such as a CEO, would want to be in this position all of the time. In fact, it’s been shown that the human mind needs a healthy balance. A person who is pushed around on a day-to-day basis and has no control over their life would most likely enjoy having control over a person and vice versa.

God must be tired. Hannibal was. Wearing his person suit for years and years, with only a dangerous outlet to relieve the built-up tension of his monster. To place the control into Will’s hands is inevitable and the best relief for both of them. Hannibal in killing and Will in power.

In that final scene, Hannibal has surrendered control to Will while barring the entirety of what lay within and Will has a high enough apathy for this to no longer have any hold over him. They have switched their roles. Now, Will is the one pulling the strings and Hannibal is the one letting himself be maneuvered.

This trial was the turn of the tables. It was the biggest part of their character and the biggest foreshadowing for the finale.

In Florence, Hannibal has the hold over Will. In season two, Will has the hold over Hannibal. In season one, Hannibal has the hold over Will. This trial that has been left out was the missing piece to even their stance and to level their playing field, making it easiest for the two to blur.

The trial is effectively and consequently one of if not the most important scene that was missing from the show.

[theodorecanaryhood]

Proposal

A question I got asked recently is how would the Batfamily propose to their s/o... so here is a HC to answer that!

Batfam x reader

Bruce

Billionaire Playboy Bruce Wayne, settling down?

Well, he is a billionaire so he would probably go all out for this

Private jet flight to somewhere exotic

Nice spa day

Expensive dinner

Drinks

Late night car ride

As you wake up the next day, in a beach house in a country you can't pronounce, Bruce brings you some breakfast in bed

'Morning Sweetheart' Bruce will cheerfully say as he walks over to you

'Morning' you smile, as the tray is placed in front of you, there is a monster of a diamond on an engagement ring

You look in shock, then look at Bruce who is now on one knee

'Will you marry me?' He smiles brightly

You shift off the bed and kiss Bruce

'Yes'

Bruce kisses you softly as you wrap your arms around him

Placing the ring on your finger, you smile

'You don't need to spend so much money on me Bruce' you say, Bruce just shakes his head

'No such thing as too much for my love' Bruce says as he kisses you again

Dick

As a cop by day and a vigilante by night, Dick is surprisingly energetic

He is also very cheerful

He can be laid back, which comes in handy because you never see the gesture coming

You're home alone one night, watching your favourite show on Netflix at the moment when Nightwing crawls through the window

'You have a key' you laugh as Dick stands up

'I know' he replied, taking off his mask and sitting next to you

Dick keeps shifting in his seat, not changing out of his Nightwing suit yet

'Can we just... can I show you something?' Dick asked, seemingly nervous. Which was rare for him

Up on the roof, Dick grabbed your hand and lead you to the edge where the stars where brightly beaming

'Look at the sky' you said smiling, Dick was kneeling now. You gasped

'Y/n, it has been a long minute for us and I wanna make this, something ... erm. I... I love you, I wanna spend the rest of my life with you. Will you marry me?' Dick blushed and stumbled

You looked in shock, Dick was worried, but then you started smiling

'Yes' you said, kissing Dick softly as he placed the ring on your finger

'Were you nervous?' You asked chuckling as Dick stood up

'A little whelmed' he replied as he kissed you again

Jason

Oh boy, he's possessive sometimes

He is very protective too

He loves you so much, he wants everyone to see how much

Also wants guys to stop eyeing you up

He asks Bruce, Alfred, Dick and Barbara the best way and the most romantic way

All very helpful

Jason takes you to your favourite restaurant, which just happens to be a small diner. Then to a movie

Then he takes you to your favourite bar, which is a run down dive bar

'You sure you don't wanna go somewhere a bit more, romantic doll?' Jason keeps asking you

'Aa long as I'm with you, I don't care where I am' you reassure

After a few shots, make out sessions and more shots. You were starting to get a little light headed

'Wanna call it a night?' Jason asks you, keeping his hand on your back, you shake your head

'The night is young' you laugh

Jason didn't wanna propose to you while you were on the verge of either puking or collapsing. But he did want to do it tonight

He took you outside to get some air and sober you up a bit

'I love you' you said as you hugged Jason

'I love you too, that's why I wanted to ask you something' Jason said as he pulled out a box and got on one knee

'Oh, what the' you began, Jason looked light he was getting nervous

'Y/n, doll. I love you so much and I can't imagine life without you. Will you marry me?' Jason asked you, shy

You started to cry a little and smiled

'Jason, yes' you said as he smiled and put the ring on you

Standing up he kisses you deeply

BONUS

I also feel like Jason is the type to propose while in bed with you

But then I could be wrong!

Tim

Being young at the time, Tim was never really sure about it

But he knew he never wanted to see you go

He was old fashioned and asked your parents for permission

He worked hard to pay for the ring himself

Then he waited for your next date night

Takeout and Netflix, best date night ever (my opinion, don't hate)

Tim gave you as fancy glass of wine

As you both clinked the glasses, you looked down to see something poking out from the bottom of the glass

You then looked at Tim, who was on one knee

'Y/n I know we're young, and still have so much to learn. But I wanna learn it with you. Will you marry me?' Tim asked you, you nodded and cried a little as you grabbed Tim and kissed him

You down the drink carefully as to not swallow the ring too

Tim then rinsed it out and placed it on your finger

Damian (older)

Damian could be the worst human

He could also be sweetest, which is what he is with you

He had been planning on asking you this question for a while

Finding the right time was hard though

He was busy and so were you

One night, after a hard patrol he came home to find you surrounded by candles

Damian walked over to you

'Beloved?' He asked you, you smiled and got on one knee

'I found the ring a few weeks ago, I never said anything because I felt bad. But I also got tired of waiting, so Damian Wayne. Will you marry me?' You asked as Damian knelt down with you

'I was going to ask you the same thing, but as we're here. Yes' he replied kissing you

He then pulled out the ring and placed on you as you kissed him again

'I love you' you smiled, Damian smiles back

'I love you too'

[persephones-deadly-nightshade]

Beauty and The Beast

ft. familial relationships

A platonic JasonXSteph      pre-romantic TimSteph

Background: 

The batfamily are loyal protectors. A mix between knights a vigilantes. Jason dies. Jason gets resurrected via the pit. Jason comes back pissed. He returns home though, doesn’t go on a killing spree, slowly incorporates back into the family.  

Jason still dislikes Tim, (Replacement) and Damian (Demon Brat). He is still bitter at Bruce, (B stands for bitch) and resenting Dick(Golden boy/perfect child). He loves Cass (hard not to.)

Anyways something happens, maybe he’s benched Demon Spawns not, pit rage occurs, a guest pops by the door. 

Guest is treated rudely and prepares to curse entire family. 

Alfred and Bruce welcome her in. 

She doesn’t curse yet.

Hears Jason wish he didn’t have family. Family sucks.

Curses him into a beast, transforms his servants into furniture, telling him if he doesn’t feel brotherly love and learn to appreciate family, they’ll stick. The family (Ohana Bitches) intervene to give him a shot to fix this. 

They sacrifice their voices/bodies for time. Each person earns Jason an extra 20 years. (100 total) His family members are like ghosts, unable to communicate with Jason besides occasional impressions. They’ll be back if he ever breaks the curse. 

Jason is horrified at himself and sinks deep into depression. The pit madness rages more often than not. Time is passing all to quickly...

Start of Story:

Meet Steph. She is a pretty girl, but all to smart and spirited for her village. She loves her mother, another smart woman, an nurse from the city who moved from the country at the behest of her controlling husband.

Meet the controlling husband, Arthur Brown, aka the “Gaston” of the story.

He is not a good person, or father, but the town loves him.

He wants a “perfect” daughter. Timid, reserved, demure. Steph is resisting, but soon she won’t be able to put him off. 

Her mother goes into the city for special herbs, needed as the village healer. She ends up seeking refuge in the beast’s castle.  

Alfred, who previously disconnected from the Waynes, becoming more butler than grandpa to keep Jason company, takes care of her.

Jason flashes back to the last woman whom they invited in and pit madness overtakes him. He throws her in the dungeons.

Steph comes looking for her mother, running towards the terrifying castle because without her mom, Arthur Brown would bend her quickly to his will. 

Steph and Jason’s first meeting was... A disaster. 

Think Steph screaming, think Jason screaming back. Think Alfred pushing her into the guest bedroom as the Waynes try to calm Jason the fuck down so he can use the girl to break the curse. 

They are in an awkward limbo for days. 

Alfred, fed up, escorts Mrs. Brown out in exchange for Stephanie, after explaining what the very aro/ace Jason will need from Steph. (Basically reassurance that Steph would be trapped, but zero chance of getting raped or seduced.) 

Because she must not think of him a brother purely for the curse, Steph doesn’t get the full story. 

The first week and a half is Jason avoiding the fuck out of Stephanie and being annoyed at Alfred’s deal. 

Steph is terrified. She rashly agreed to this deal including spending time with a giant strong monster, Alfred is kind, but she hasn’t seen the silver candlestick since he broke the rules. She is fearing for his safety.

Alfred’s fine, just giving Jason an I’m so disappointed in you silence.” 

Eventually, Steph starts poking around. 

To preserve his brother’s privacy, he stops her before she can go into the family wing, and has Alfred show her the library. Steph is bored.

She pokes around more. Jason bodily stands in her way. 

She persistently pokes him into spending time together. Listen, She is really fucking bored out of her mind. 

Alfred refuses to show her the training room, so Jason has to do it.

Less than a month later, he caves. (Steph is annoying persistent)

Her eyes light up at the sight of punching bags and Cass’ equipment, that girls were allowed to fight maybe she could.

She doesn’t ask for permission. 

He catches her throwing a fucking terrible punch. 

He can’t let that stand. 

The fam watches in glee, as the blonde pokes every single one of his buttons, and accidentally/unknowingly manipulates him into spending time with her. (Tim might just be falling in love)

(She out of his league, like a lot)

Invisible family thinks it’s adorable.

Alfred tells her the history of the manor, and about the Batfam spirits. They comfort her when she gets scared, an impression of warmth and safety. 

She learns to differentiate. She notices Tim spending a lot of time, doesn’t know it’s Tim. Alfred Knows. Alfred knows all.    

Eventually Jason begins liking teaching, and instead of just a harsh taskmaster, he becomes more of a mentor. 

Coins her Spoiler after hearing about how she resists her shitty dad. 

Winter comes. He teaches her siege warfare and silent moving through snowball fights and games. 

He teachers her piano. How the fuck is his voice that nice? 

He teachers her to cook and they have ingredient fights. If she can get him in a good mood, he’ll tell silly stories about his family, going all wistful. 

Good things come to an end. She gets word that her father is beating Mrs. Brown because she managed to escape. It’s her fault, her mother is getting hurt.

A worried Jason bans her from going home. 

Steph runs away anyways, with a purple cloak streaming behind her.

Wolves attack. She can’t hold them all off. 

The Red Hood makes an appearance, saving her life. 

The Pit rage comes back, he almost couldn’t protect her. Suddenly her broken body gets replaced with, little Timbo’s, babybat’s, his dad’s, Big Wing’s, and Cass’. All gone because he couldn’t control himself. The depression returns full force. 

He barricades himself in his room. 

Steph punches the punching bag, often. She knows she fucked up. She misses her mentor. Things deteriorate.

The orange rose petals are almost out. 

Jason, unable to stand the sight of Steph after associating her with his family, sends a carriage for her to take home, gives her weapons to stand up for herself easier. 

Steph, split worried between her mother and Jason, takes the opportunity to go home, as Jason will have Alfred, but her mom has nobody. 

She gets home to try to protect her mother, and her father captures her and puts her in a shock color that is programmed to send a jolt of electricity each time he presses the button. (Aka when she disobeys)

Arthur Brown, annoyed that she had been protected from him for that long, and dismayed that she had learned to fight, (That punch to his face was beautiful Steph, the whole Batfam is proud.) Decides to storm Wayne castle. 

Mrs. Brown (’cause I still don’t know her name) notices Steph looking troubled and tells her to escape and send a warning to her new family. 

Steph denies the family part twice before her mom shuts her up with a look and pretty much said, “Steph, he’s like, your perfect older brother. You guys even have nicknames.”

Steph realizes she’s right.

Steph disables collar and runs toward the manor, taking the conveniently located, super secret passage. 

(She didn’t take it home initially because she didn’t know, then Alfred told her after the wolf attack, but it wasn’t an emergency because Jason prepped a carriage.)

So Steph arrives as her father does, he is still the better fighter, so Jason goes up against Arthur Brown as Steph and the furniture/servants take out the mob. 

As they are fighting, it is, of course, the perfect time for a heart-to-heart. 

“Why did you come back?/Why did you avoid me?”

“I can’t lose my brother!/I can’t stand seeing my family hurting!”

“What?!?/What!?! 

“Cool/Sup.”

Arthur Brown gets a lucky hit in when the two are dramatically confessing their new familial bonds. 

Jason falls.

Arthur gloats. 

Steph knocks him the fuck out. (Heartwarming)

Steph then bear hugs Jason, Jason pecks her forehead. 

Swirl of magic...

The servants turn human, the Waynes resolidify. There is a beautiful reunion. Oh, Jason also rebecomes human. (Meh) 

Bonus-

As Tim is reforming, Dick shoves him towards Steph. All the bats think a blushing Tim would be hilarious. 

He ends up a little to close.

Steph seeing a person she does not know directly in her personal space. Promptly bends down and yeets the brick she is holding. (Mwahahaha)

It was the start of a beautiful romance for the ages. 

[valkyrieofsmut]

How do the boys take the ‘I think I’m pregnant’ scare? And how do they react and feel if it’s true versus just that-a scare.

[How would the bois treat their pregnant significant other?]

This is the behemoth I mentioned before! It’s so big that I kept having issues trying to save it while I was working on mobile. Included is first reaction, if it’s a scare, if it’s not a scare, through the pregnancy, and as a bonus, during labor (you can thank my hubby for that one)!

Classic- He's freaking out. that's- that's not how babies work- that's not how- He's hyperventilating. He's going to pass out... When he gets ahold of himself and realizes that he doesn't know about how having kids between monsters and humans works... It... might be possible...

If it's a scare- he's pretty relieved. Not because he didn't want kids- it's just that it was so sudden! He didn't even think it was possible! You can bet he's doing more research into this so they can take precautions. Next time, if there's a question about pregnancy, it'll be when they're ready.

Not a scare- he- he'll be ok- really he will- just... in a minute... After he gets over the shock, he takes another moment to himself before he goes to his S/o and a bit awkwardly apologizes for the freak out. He asks how she's doing and what she wants to do.

Through pregnancy- He tries to make sure that his S/o is comfortable, that she has everything that she needs, and at the beginning, he is super frazzled. He’s keeping it together- but just barely! Look just a little closely and you’ll see that he’s about to start falling apart at the seams. His brother helps the best he can, but the best part of it, as far as he’s concerned is when they’re in bed, arms wrapped around each other, nothing to worry about but letting the peacefulness wash over them and sleep. When he finally relaxes back into the fact that they’re going to have a baby, he manages to be much more chill. Even the worst day at work doesn’t stand a chance to keep him upset when he gets home and his S/o is there, waiting for him, her round belly ready to be stroked as he grins goofily at it, their little soulling starting to make movements inside... This really is the life.

During labor- Oh- oh stars- he has to do something! What?! What is he supposed to do?! He has to get her to the hospital- has to- now! How does he- Oh- duh! Wait- can he take her through a shortcut while she’s in labor?! Is it safe?! She ends up leading the boys both to Creampuff’s car, and Creampuff drives them, showing off his driving skills and how quickly he can get them there, while Classic is in the back yelling for him to slow down, observe the speed limit- for the love of everything nice and happy, please show him mercy!

Creampuff- Uh... He understands that people often see him as child like, but he does know how babies are made... And he didn't do anything physical, or take his soul out...

If it's a scare or not- Not likely to happen with him; it would have to be on purpose.

Through pregnancy- Since this was planned, he is very prepared! It’s adorable just how ready he thinks he is, and how all of his plans fail. “YOU MEAN... WE WON’T EVEN NEED THIS FOR THE FIRST TWO YEARS...?” But his big watery sockets make his S/o pull him close, comforting him, and he’s happy again- as long as he has them, everything is all right. He mother hens his S/o quite a bit, only letting her do things that are “safe for the baby”, as dictated by “authorities” on websites. And he takes it upon himself to premake her meals for when he’s gone, so that he can make sure she’s getting everything she needs, also banning his brother from taking her to Grillby’s... but, when the cravings hit, he caves ridiculously easily to her. But, his S/o's life isn’t all laying around and premade heath snacks! He makes sure that she does her baby yoga and prenatal exercises, too. Have to stay healthy for the baby!

During labor- He’s running around trying to find the go bag and everything the websites said they need- he knows it was here just the other day...! His S/o is either going to have to get him to calm down (a tall order) or call for an ambulance to get them to the hospital.

Red- Uh- uh- wait- but- how...?! He- he- ...he feels like he should be panicking more... Outwardly, he's tense, snapping at everyone else, keeping everyone away from his S/o, sweating and watching her a lot... Inside? He's nervous; it's her decision what happens... He knows he's got the whole dad thing down; how awesome his brother turned out shows that! But... He's not worthy of his S/o, and those are his genetics... How does his S/o feel about that? What if this is the thing that makes her figure out that she deserves better?! He won't say anything, though, his S/o will have to ask him what's going on with all the almost touches and switching from holding her close to distancing himself.

If it's a scare- He's a bit... disappointed... he'd just started thinking that his S/o would accept, and maybe even like, the forever of being bound to him with a child...

Not a scare- He's still a bit tense, waiting for the other shoe to drop; he knows that humans don't always want to have kids, and they can do something about it... When his S/o tells him that, of course they want to keep the baby, he's so relieved- it feels like the suitcase of anxiety he'd been lugging around all this time has disappeared.

Through pregnancy- Red is the ultimate provider and protector. He makes a nest the softest his S/o has ever felt, he puts all sorts of barriers and traps and gizmos all over the place! His S/o has never felt safer- as long as she doesn’t try to go outside alone... There’s nothing that she wants for more than a few moments- usually. Even on the days he’s knock down, drag out tired, he sees her cravings and pregnant moods as his little hellion influencing her, and... he wants to feed and spoil them more... It’s rare that he’s ever actually pissy with her, but when he is, he leaves to get what she wants, bitches and gripes the whole way there and back, and feels better by the time he gets back- and makes her bribe him with affection. He’s rigged it so that anyone who tries to get in that doesn’t have an approved magical signature... well, they won’t be getting in. ... possibly anywhere- ever. He may have held back in the Underground, hating what his world had become, but this is his mate and his child. He’s not holding back. He doesn’t know anything about gardening, but he can rig a setup so that a plot of garden can be perfectly watered at all times, and his brother takes care of the rest, so they’ll never run out of resources. He has threatened to maul others if they look like they’ve got aggressive plans for his S/o, but he waits until she’s gone; he doesn’t want to upset her. Somehow, while he’s done all of this, he always seems to be there when it’s nap time, or when it’s being lazy around the house time, cuddling, nuzzling, and letting it be known how happy he is. Edge gives him shit for purring so much, but he’s actually very proud of how active and motivated he is. Red does get anxious whenever she wants to leave the perfectly protected den he’s made her, though...

During labor- He freezes. What the hell- what is happening?! It’s such strange behavior that it takes him a few moments to figure out what was going on. When he does, He has his brother get his car, getting his S/o in the back and being on hyper alert for danger- that is, if he doesn’t manage to convince her of a home birth. it’s jus’ so much safer! in here- where no one he doesn’t want to get in can get in! Edge guards the door while Red glares at the midwife and birthing team to make sure nothing hinky is going on.

Edge- That... can't happen... He knows how baby bones are made! Oh- but his S/o is a human... Maybe that is how it works for his S/o...? The whole time he's not outwardly reacting, standing stiff, looking like he's waiting for orders or something. His S/o will have trouble telling for certain if he's angry, or it's just his normal emotionless mask.

If it's a scare- He's relieved! That was something he didn't think could happen, and too many questions leading to too much information were piling up in his mind at one time. He's also a bit... let down. While it was too much info and overwhelming to try to think about it all in that one moment, it could have been nice...

Not a scare- He leaves. Not to abandon his S/o! He tells Red to stay there and that he needs to run an errand- the errand is trying to wrap his skull around his new reality. He just needs a bit to process this! It's so many things he thought were impossible all happening at once! Once he gets his skull together, he comes back and immediately holds his S/o close against him. He knows that the two of them are smart enough to get through this, and despite all the shit he gives his brother, Red is also very smart, and he knows he'd do anything for him.

Through pregnancy- He’s hot and cold more than usual. He- has- some... feelings for her that... may be love like... And he’s going to keep both his S/o and their child safe. No matter if he has to intimidate everyone from here to the moon! He’s not used to being able to show emotions other than anger and toughness... Good thing his S/o is so fiery! He regularly engages in verbal battles with her to help her get rid of some of her stress and irritation from all the things that are going on with her body. It does backfire a bit, though, sometimes... When they’re both making their points and she’s yelling at him, her rage twisting her features- uh... well... He can’t stop thinking of taking her right there, or putting her to her knees and twisting his phalanges in her hair and feeling her throat around him- He... he’s never been so sexually driven before... and it’s not like it’s going to change soon; neither of them can help it- Pregnancy looks so fucking sexy on her... it makes her seem like a goddess of fertility and war. His soul beats for her with every breath.

During labor- Once he gets his S/o to the hospital and set, his internal mini panic ends. Now he's yelling at her, reminding her about the proper breathing technique and working her through the contractions. The staff feels like maybe they should worry about abuse, but then... His S/o is ruling the room- she's glowing, ordering everyone around, looking like she's about ready to punch anyone who gets too close, shouting and demanding the nurses give her the DAMN DRUGS! He's so in love, so- turned on... Is it wrong that he's thinking about putting another one in her right that moment...?

Blue- He's silent. The words "I think I'm pregnant" echo around in his skull, which looks devoid of emotion. Is his S/o teasing him because she thinks he doesn't know how babies are made? But... she doesn't look like she's joking... A sudden look of shock hits his face as he realizes that- he was with her during his heat! Oh! Oh... Well... That could explain it! He smiles and pulls his S/o close, nuzzling against her and scenting the heck out of her.

If it's a scare- Oh... Well! Maybe there is a chance that can happen, but... not yet! This will give them time to figure out how it can happen and what to do about it so they can decide on a better time when they’re more ready for this!

Not a scare- His S/o is going to have his baby... He’s the proudest skeleton around! He walks around with his skull held high, chest puffed out, huge grin, and nothing short of a strut. All of his coworkers wonder what’s going on with him, but they don’t have to for long, because he’s so happy he’s not even trying to keep it a secret.  

Through pregnancy- You know those over the top cutesy couples where one insists on getting the one carrying the baby anything they want? That’s Blue. His S/o is going to have to be careful, because he will over indulge her cravings and with anything it even looks like she’s interested in. His S/o will protest that he’s doting on her too much, but he’s convinced that he’s the happiest damn man ever in existence, and she’s giving him this, so she deserves to have anything that he can give her- and he can give her a lot. They now have the nicest and best feeling nest that’s probably ever existed. She has more of anything than she could ever hope to use or need, but he’s always happy to give her more and make sure she’s taken care of in every way possible. There is no doubt in anyone’s mind who the father of the baby is when they walk around; he’s so full of pride that he’d dislocate a rib if his chest puffed out any more, and his skull barely has room on it for how big his grin is.

During labor- He's running around, yelling for his brother and trying to find the go bag and everything they had ready- he swears it was right there just that morning! Until Stretch wanders over, twirling the keys on a phalange, ushering the two of them to the car. When Blue sees the stuff in the back seat, he remembers that he'd moved it there to be even more ready... He'll be happy when this part is over and he can just hold his S/o and child safely in his arms! He's not a fan of them being in pain, so he's going to be asking the staff to have every kind of pain meds on hand, just in case...

Stretch- Stretch.exe has crashed and needs to be reboot to make any changes. He- didn't just hear what he thought he did... did he? See, there's no way that- except, unless there was... He slowly regains feeling in his extremities, and stares at the empty space in front of his sockets a bit longer before fully coming to. that's... *he can't decide whether he's supposed to be happy or horrified, his S/o's expression isn't telling him* wow... that's something, huh? science. *shakes skull in amazement*

If it's a scare- He needs to be more careful. Maybe someday, in the future, he'll want kids- but right now- he messes around too much; he's not serious enough to take this on. He spent so long raising Blue, his whole childhood and teen years, really, he wants some time to just have fun. He doesn't want to ruin life for everyone involved by getting in that situation and blaming them.

Not a scare- Oh shit- oh shit! Oh, god of motherfuck! He's zoned out staring off at nothing. Panicking internally. After trying to get his attention for long enough, his S/o just slaps him, yelling at him in frustration and leaves. The slap brought him back to the real world, but it's Blue yelling at him that makes him realize just how bad that had been. "HOW CAN YOU JUST STAND THERE LIKE A SAND SCULPTURE?! THEY'RE AFRAID, TOO! IF YOU WEREN'T SO BUSY THINKING OF ONLY YOURSELF, YOU WOULD HAVE SEEN THAT! AT LEAST YOU HAVE SOME EXPERIENCE RAISING A BABY BONES! THEY HAVE NONE! THEY NEED YOU NOW MORE THAN EVER! ... AND IF YOU DON'T GET YOUR LAZY COXXYS AFTER THEM RIGHT NOW, I'LL INFORM MUFFET OF WHAT HAPPENED, AND CELEBRATE WHEN YOU'RE BANNED!"

Through pregnancy- It’s... it’s not as bad as he made it out to be in his mind. He’d felt like someone had been about to hand them a baby any second, and then their lives would have been over. Instead they had nine and a half months to figure their shit out and get ready for what was coming. With many times set aside to talk everything out, and Blue there to mediate (make sure that Stretch was actually saying what he thought and wanted instead of trying to please by going with the flow) they managed to to work it out so that by they time it reached the third trimester, he’s pretty happy with the warm little life they’ve gotten all set up for themselves, and is a very cuddly skeleton. Also, a little secret he’s found out about pregnancy is that it makes his S/o’s pussy taste so much more delicious.

During labor- Stretch freezes, then his brother's loud voice pulls him back, and he puts the fluctuating panic to the back of his skull and shortcuts away. They think he's running off, but by the time Blue, who's very pissed at him, gets Stretch's S/o to the car, they see him stuffing the bags of supplies in the back.

Black- Oh- stars- he- he didn’t actually mean that- goddamn it! Ok... maybe he had... but-! He’s worried; worried about keeping them all safe, and worried that if he reacts in a way to keep them safe, his S/o will be angry with him and leave him forever! He- he can’t live with that!!! He growls and takes his S/o home, somewhere safe where he can hold them close against him. “Tell Me Again?” He asks softly. “I think I’m pregnant.” It’s said more levelly than it was before, more believing that he’s going to say something stupid. “Oh, Love... I’m The Happiest Monster In The World...” He pulls back to meet her gaze. “I’m Going To Make Sure That You Are The Most Well Taken Care Of Mate In All The Land.”

If it’s a scare- Oh... Well... That’s too bad... But... Now they can see how they’d react to the real news. And... now that it’s gotten them thinking about it... he kind of wants to actually try... hopefully his S/o will want to soon, too.

Not a scare- He’s so happy. Others speculate why he’s so happy, but they can never get him to reveal the truth, though they’ve all heard outlandish, crazy things by now, all said with a straight face, as though they were the truth. He never lets his S/o be without him or his brother- protection precautions. They will be a happy little family... and even though this little one was on accident- the next little one will be completely on purpose... and not too long after.

Through pregnancy- He is great at noticing things, and what he notices, is anything his S/o wants. Anything their eyes stay on for longer than a moment, anything they mention wanting or wondering about in passing. And, the strange thing about his observations is- they seem to just manifest out of nowhere! Right when they really wanted them the most! Those cookies from Muffet’s- somehow ended up on the kitchen counter... The soft fuzzy blanket they’d forced themselves to put back, draped over the couch. The relief they need that just hovers around the edges, tormenting them with an unscratchable itch they just can’t scratch- Black is there, holding them close, finding just the right angle, and sliding against it at just the right speed, and just the right strength to make his S/o's mind melt, their body doing the same in his arms. They are spoiled rotten by the end, and that’s just how he likes it; no one can do for them what he can, and they’ll never leave. Also hidden under the surface that is his joy of giving his S/o everything they could ever want, is his happiness and pride of the show of their bonding. Let no one doubt who his S/o belongs with.

During labor- The sudden cry of pain makes his skull snap to his S/o and search the area. What happened?! Who hurt them?! Who does he need to kill?! When he realizes that it's time, he yells for his brother to get the car, (softly and lovingly) telling his S/o to sit back and relax while he runs around and gathers everything, then stops where she is and helps her to the car. He only allows staff that he has personally vetted into the room, and only after he or Mutt have checked every form of ID available. No one will hurt his mate, or his heir. The moment he feels like any of the staff has messed up, he'll yell at them and push them out of the way- He'll Do It His Damn Self, Thank You!

Mutt- uuuuuuhhh... huh... um... hm. that’s... um... a thing, now, isn’t it... crazy how... humans reproduce... all run by chemicals, you know... Oh, damn it, look, he’s really... not sure how to behave! Is his S/o excited or pissed?! What is he supposed to do?! Does she want him to- no. No, he doesn’t think he wants to do that... He’s going to say no. If she asks, his answer is that he can’t do that. He realizes that she’s panicking, too, and is glad that his stony exterior made it so that none of his thoughts came through. He pulls her close and stands there, holding her, until she calms down. Even though he’s silent, he gives her what comfort he can, even if it’s just from his presence of being there. He’s not sure what else he could do... Except what he’s always done; take control of the situation. Their relationship is based on them both getting what they want from each other, and that what they want is the same thing... but... if he can’t convince her... if he tries to force her... she’ll just dig her heels in harder.

If it’s a scare- Oh, well... ok, then. He supposes... that it was just a mistake... something confusing... but... It brought up his memories of raising Black, and... he kinda liked remembering the way Black used to look up at him like he was the most amazing monster to ever have lived... made him think that... he probably... wouldn’t say no if there was the chance to do that again...

Not a scare- This situation sucks. The way that it happened sucks. He hopes that his S/o doesn’t end up hating him over this. He really loves them, and... that’s his kid. He’s not going anywhere. God and stars help the person who looks at his S/o the wrong way... and they’d have to help her if she ever tried to leave him, now...

Through pregnancy- His inner yandere shows itself very obviously. He’s always there, no matter where she goes. At the store? He’s lurking in the aisles. Taking a walk around? He’s silently shadowing her, keeping a socket out for anyone looking even remotely like they’d start something. Riding a bus to work? He’s somewhere... though you’d have to have a really good eye to pick him out. If they weren’t dating, he would probably get hit with stalking charges. Instead, he gets hit with, “why don’t you just ask to come with me instead of creeping the shadows like a freaking weirdo?”

During labor- Mutt internally freaks out for a moment, but gets ahold of himself while his brother guides his S/o to the car. Everyone around him is going to be glad for Black in this time. Mutt is looking like a murderous, protective bodyguard, standing just on the edge of the shadows, growling at anyone who even gets too close. No one except previously approved staff are allowed in the room. Everyone who is human thinks this is bizarre, but all the monsters there take it in stride as the norm. Black orders everyone around, which saves them all from having Mutt growling at them and seeming to stand over them, about to attack, even if he does sound like he's micromanaging.

Axe- He... uh... oops... He feels kinda guilty; there had to be intent involved, and... well, his S/o is pregnant, isn’t she? So... obviously he meant it... He’s half excited for a baby, and half really nervous because his brain keeps going back to; more mouths to feed, need more food- food! He hopes his S/o isn’t mad at him...  

If it’s a scare- He’s a bit relieved, since he was worried about his S/o finding out and being mad at him... but, maybe they could open the conversation about it...?

Not a scare- He breaks down and admits that he caused this, asking his S/o to stay with him and love him even though he was so reckless- but he fully intends to stay with them, even if they say no, it will just be from the shadows... but he can’t just let her take their baby and go! It’s dangerous out there! It’s not- ... oh... they were trying for a baby...? oh yeah... wait- no they weren’t! But he appreciates her telling him that they were to make him feel better...

Through pregnancy- He’s not leaving their side. He’s going to protect them through everything- like being around other people, or not having space to sit on a bench at the park... He gets a bit underfoot, honestly... But, he’s doing it for the most thoughtful reasons! He loves his S/o, and isn’t going to let anything happen to her, or their baby.

During labor- He's panicking hardcore! What's he supposed to do? What's he supposed to do?! Did he ever know what to do? He'd ask his S/o, but they're too busy screaming! Wait- Paps! Paps'll know what to do! He's good at remembering the stuff his mind shuts out! They all get to the hospital, and his S/o is in a room. All of the noise and commotion is messing with his mind, making that problem that makes him block access to his memories act up... He's kicked out of the hospital in approximately six minutes. He's also not allowed back until the baby is born.

Crooks/Bun- He’s not likely to start up these activities on his own, so it would either be a huge surprise, with him being pretty quiet and just blinking for a few moments. Axe will probably come over and see if someone needs to get smacked, honestly, or, he'd expect it and be excited!

If it’s a scare or not-  Yeah, this would 8/10 have to be on purpose. Those other 2/10, would be 1 oh wow, so it can happen after only one time... and 1 oh... wow...

Through pregnancy- He’s so happy, going everywhere with his S/o, talking about everything they plan to do, going on many parenting websites and doing research in his spare time, and babyproofing everything. He’s delighted to find out that the baby proofing helps with Axe, too, since he can’t trip and injure himself on everything when he’s not paying attention, now.

During labor- Oh- Ohh- Oh My! What To Do! Oh, Yes, To The Hospital! At the hospital, he's there as the amazing birthing coach he is, encouraging and rooting for his S/o!

Dusty- uhhhhhhhhhhh... um... what the fuck did his S/o just say? She thinks she’s what? ...! He’s freaking out, not only because he apparently was so reckless, but also because now he has to deal with the consequences of his actions. There’s going to be a kid- it’s going to be his kid- what if- what if there’s a reset- what if that demonic hellspawn comes back- oh fuck- what if it tries to take over his kid?!

If it’s a scare- He’s still severely rattled, and needs lots of time alone. Why isn’t Papyrus talking to him? Is he mad at him? It’s so quiet in his head now... at least, thank the stars, there’s not a chance of that stuff happening...

Not a scare- panic- panic- no disco, lots of panic! Where’s Papyrus?! He’d know what to do! Fuck- fuck fuck fuck- he’s going to be a dad- fuckfuckfuck!  

Through pregnancy- He’s very nervous. He needs a support animal or something. He’s so sorry that his S/o has to go through this with him dragging her down- he- he has feelings for her, though, and he’s sorry, but- if anyone else tried to step in and take her off his hands, they wouldn’t be a problem very long. A puddle of blood? Yes. A problem? No. And no one better fucking touch her! Ok, he’s calm, he promises- backthefuckupbuddy! His S/o will have to be patient with him as he adjusts and fights his way through the clouds of LV and psychological torture induced madness...

During labor- He blanks. He panics. He freaks out. His service dog nudges his hand and positions the handle of the vest under his hand, and he holds on out of habit. The dog leads him to a spot away from the noise as his S/o calls an ambulance. She gives the dog the command that tells them there's going to be a loud noise, because they probably won't remember to turn the sirens off when they get closer. She drops the note for Dusty in the spot they'd trained the dog to bring him notes from, and is on the porch, leaning against the wall, waiting for the ambulance. When Dust comes back to himself, his dog brings him a note that says "I'm at the hospital, I went into labor. Call me, love you! S/o." He's so glad to hear her voice when he calls.

[anfie-in-the-box]

X-tra Dark Cream Teaser

Notes

I’m still very much not participating in Dark Cream Week, yet somehow this thing is done right in time, so I’m posting it with respective tags.

The story of X-tra Dark Cream is going to be pretty big and serious. Like, plot-wise, lore-wise, so-many-other-aspects-wise, you have no idea what you’ve got coming. And I just really hope you all will enjoy the ride.

What you need to know now is that I’m kind of getting back to my very own idea that you can find right here. Though it’s a different timeline, not Genocide Route. What they share is a concept of both Dream and Cross being villains, at first sight their atmosphere and aesthetic are kind of similar, but that’s it. What exactly is happening here will be explained in the story, and let me tell you, Dream and Cross have a long way ahead of them before they reach the point described in this little teaser.

So I’ve got a question for you. Answer honestly.

Would you like your Cream extra dark?

。。。

Just a Bad Dream

Once the portal is safely closed and there’s no more negativity pouring right into Dream’s cursed soul, he hurries to Cross’ side, hugging him tightly. Dismissing his huge knife, Cross hugs Dream back with a weary yet content sigh. “My greatest hero, once again taking down the whole world in my name,” Dream murmurs, ever so appreciatively and very, very gently. Cross caresses his spine through the clothes and the gloop, and, although he never really bothers to use words after a foray to one AU or another, the tremble of his hands is telling Dream enough. So, as much as the fallen guardian wishes to hold Cross like this forever, he lets go.

“I believe you are due for a good rest now.”

Dream cannot help a smile when Cross doesn’t argue, merely lingering to give his spine one last stroke. One could say they are finally figuring out their routine, grasping the ways to make their complicated lives easier, if only a little bit. For Cross it’s definitely lots of sleep and lazing around after all the work he’s done; no matter how much he doesn’t like it, and despite all the bad dreams that he’s most likely to have with all the LV, both old and new, still raging in his soul.

Dream, on the other hand, won’t be sleeping any time soon. It would do him no good at all — this lesson he learned the hard way. There isn’t much to be done when Dream’s whole being is brimming over with shattered positivity of the whole AU, — agonising grief and fear from those who survived; absolute despair from the last moments of those who died; guilt of those who were supposed to protect their people, parents and rulers all the same; at last, contempt and helplessness of every single soul. Oh, the two of them truly are beneath contempt, aren’t they? Breaking entire worlds, taking away a mere possibility of them functioning like they are supposed to. Monsters who only seek to twist and corrupt.

That’s what they say, Dream knows it all too well, both from careful whispers that no one else was supposed to hear and from straightforward, provocative screams right in his face. It’s good, exactly how he wants it to be, but right now he couldn’t care less. Dirt on Cross’ clothes matters more than this.

Actually, that’s what Dream’s going to busy himself with. Cross’ new uniform is piled up beside their bed, soaked in humans’ blood and covered in monsters’ dust. There’s no doubt washing these will be a real pain in the neck, but that’s exactly what Dream needs right now. Something basic yet not too simple. Easy enough for Dream to be able to pay more attention to Cross, whose even breathing and serene expression bring peace to the fallen guardian’s rotting soul, too. This way his hands are occupied, all of the energy he’s gathered is guided in the non-destructive direction until it settles, and his troubled mind is resting even without sleep. It’s a nice bonus to be able to look after Cross, ready to help him break free from yet another nightmare, for the dreadful, horrific visions are always haunting him in reality as well… At least in the first moments after waking up, although sometimes it takes Cross much longer to snap out of it, even with the aid of Dream. Hopefully, this time won’t be so… troublesome.

It’s so obvious that Dream isn’t in the slightest used to doing the laundry — any laundry at all, let alone something as tricky as washing all this blood and dust out, — it’s almost funny. Although, to be fair, it really isn’t supposed to actually be useful — a mere distraction, nothing more, nothing less.

Cross will overwrite his clothes anyway. And, if that fails (though lately the number of failures has lessened significantly; the thought makes Dream’s chest tighten with warmth and pride in his most loyal ally and dearest fiance), they’ll just trade new armor in some AU for the delusive sense of safety. Material needs don’t concern them anymore.

Dream’s progress on washing the uniform is still close to none when he feels a sudden powerful wave of severe distress, and merely a moment later the air gets heavy with magic. Bones and blasters are everywhere, there are so many of them there’s no speck of whiteness left, everything bright red and purple instead. It’s not the first time — neither it is the last one, Dream’s under no illusion about that part, — yet it’s no less mesmerising. If only it weren’t so dangerous for both of them.

Dodging all the attacks, getting closer to Cross is the easy part, that Dream’s doing effortlessly, without sparing it much thought; it’s not like Cross is able to properly hurt Dream, neither in his sleep nor while being fully conscious. Especially not like that. Cross wouldn’t gather enough harmful intent, and considering Dream’s nature is far from ordinary…

It’s even easier to throw Cross out of their bed, his body light, though trembling violently. He jolts awake the moment Dream’s hand touches his chest to grab the fabric of his shirt, but his mind is still very far away. Out of reach. It’s only the lack of resistance that shows Cross has recognised him, if only a little, on some kind of subconscious level. Nothing other than that — just pure black hate pouring down his cheeks and LV raging on within his soul. No way Dream will stand such a state of affairs any longer. Cross is his and his only, he doesn’t belong to whatever hell he’s seeing. And so the fallen guardian growls, as if his own life depended on it, “Wake up!”

Please, please let this one end quickly. Dream hates hurting Cross more than needed.

“Wake up!”

Of course that doesn’t work, it rarely does, but Dream has to try anyway. Besides, it’s usually when the struggling begins. Not this time though; good. Dream feels every single bone directed at his back, oh so clearly hears the Gaster blasters charging. Nothing ever comes. Nothing ever would; not when he’s close enough for Cross to feel the familiar warmth and weight of his body, that Dream knows for sure.

Holding Cross’ hands tight, chanting “Wake up, wake up, wake up”, as if it were a spell (or a plea,  or a prayer), Dream reaches out to Cross’ chest with one of his tentacles, pressing firmly right in the middle of the ribcage, forcing his soul to appear. Cross sharply inhales, obviously in pain, and even tries to arch his back, — only Dream doesn’t allow it, keeping him in place. That’s when his tentacles come in handy…

Other than that, nothing much happens. “Thank stars,” Dream thinks, taking a deep breath. From now on, he needs to be extremely careful. Souls are not to be toyed with. Or, well, the souls of those he loves are not to be toyed with. All the others are perfect but hollow dolls to be filled with oh so very hurtful fragments of their shattered dreams.

That’s what Dream and Cross do. That’s what they’ll continue doing, and no haunting visions would ever take Cross away. They’re together in this.

With his gloved hand Dream cautiously touches the soul, pulsing with LV and shining red and purple, no trace of it ever being one of a monster. Cross’ eye sockets and mouth open wide… It’s almost like he’s screaming without a sound, or maybe the sound merely goes just as far away as his mind is.

Dream’s never asked. He’s not going to ask this time, either.

The charged blasters fire all at once, and the bones are falling behind his back, yet none of the attacks ever land as Dream bawls, “I am Dream, and you are the one who swore an oath of loyalty and love, the one who saw through me, and accepted me, and stayed by my side! You are Cross, and whatever hell you’re seeing, you do not belong to it!” Cross’ mismatched eye-lights get a bit less blurry for a second, and that’s Dream’s cue to finally act with all he’s got.

And so he lets Cross go, leaving utterly motionless body lying on the floor, only for all of Dream’s tentacles to hit the soul at same time before it disappeared once again.

This time Cross actually screams; there is unparalleled agony in his voice, unexpectedly hoarse, as if he’s been screaming like that for hours. It hurts so much to hear it.

Dream is certain it’s better than whatever Cross has just broken free from. As Cross himself once said, “At least in reality I’m in this mess with you.” Very vividly Dream remembers his own response — a warm smile and quiet, confident “Likewise.”

That was then. Now Cross is looking at Dream with lost, pained, vulnerable expression, and his eye-lights, though faded to white, are still blurry — only this time from exhaustion, not because he’s seeing something too much different from reality. That Dream knows how to deal with. He doesn’t help Cross get on his feet, picking him up instead, holding him with hands and tentacles the same.

It’s nice to feel Cross’ weight, and his soul beating more and more steadily. Soothing, really. And that is why Cross only squeaks a little, otherwise showing no signs of discomfort or desire to argue about his position. Not like an argument would lead him anywhere, even if he had enough energy to start one.

They don’t talk until both of them are back in the bed, so close to each other it’s still very easy to hear their souls beating, their breaths warming what little space is beetween them. Dream squeezes Cross’ hand and offers a smile. It’s a tender one, if only a bit teasing.

“Hush now, Cross. It was just a bad dream.”

No words can ever describe his immense relief when Cross smiles back. And all too clearly Dream sees the moment some kind of mischief sparks in his love’s eyes.

“Oh? Well, then I definitely woke up,” Cross says, almost nonchalantly, though there’s no way that would fool Dream, who knows exactly how much he weighs every word. “Because what I see now is not 'just a bad' dream but the worst Dream ever.” At that the warmth in Dream’s chest is blooming like a flower, bursting like thousands of fireworks. Then Cross adds, so gently, as if the two of them might break — and take the whole world with them. “You are my worst.”

And places a kiss on his forehead. Like a final blow.

That weird, silly fool. That wonderful idiot. Dream loves him so, so much.

It takes the fallen guardian a moment to find his words again, and to be sure his voice won’t be trembling as soon as he starts talking. For a moment Dream simply stares at Cross, who just looks back, so calm, so sure, so present.

“Good one,” Dream finally says. “Though if you're feeling fine enough to make flirty puns, we should go back to sleep.” It’s a perfect moment to return the kiss, only on the cheek. Cross seems content anyway.

“Yeah, let’s do that.” He chuckles. “Won't summon any more bones. Or blasters. Promise.”

。。。

Credits:

Undertale © Toby Fox

Dream © jokublog

Cross © jakei95 / xtaleunderverse

Shattered!Dream © shattereddreamsau

Dark Cream © zu-is-here

X-tra Dark Cream © me (anfie / anfie-in-the-box)

Link to the Russian version will be here!

。。。

Notes

I'm too sleepy to write down the references, but there are quite a few! I'll update them later.

But god and stars, do I love Cross' wordplay in the end. That's the first thing I got to know about this story. Then it became "Two villains who have the whole Multiverse terrified being idiots in love". Then I blinked, and suddenly it's huge and super serious. That was fun. It still is.

[nerdythebard]

#10: Trevor Belmont [Castlevania]

Time to finish this little special with the man, the myth, the drunken legend of the series, Trevor Belmont of the House of Belmont. Poor Treffy, saved for last, and with such a long delay. Well, let's see what he brings into the game!

Next Time: Nothing like the refreshing taste of coffee with honey, eh?

Y'all know the drill. Let's examine what we need to make Trevor shine on the battlefield:

Whip It Good: The main weapon of the main man. Trevor's proficiency with the whips goes beyond the bedroom. He's precise enough to poke a guy's eye out. He's also pretty good with, well, anything he can find, including tavern mugs, rakes, or just his very own fists.

Monster Lore & Tactics: Now, Trevor himself said he's not been that keen on learning from his family's library, but we see him dropping bits and pieces of that monster hunter's lore. He also can sense magic and lead untrained villagers against a night creature attack.

Fancy Feet: Trevor is quite agile, able to keep up with Alucard's super-speed, climb up trees with ease, and do some nice tricks with his whip... and of course, reflexes like a cat!

---

There's nothing troublesome about Trevor's race; just like Sypha, he's Human. Humans (Variant) get a +1 to two abilities, let's get Dexterity and Constitution, proficiency in one skill their choice (Acrobatics), they know Common and one additional language, and they can take a feat. Tavern Brawler gives us several benefits, fit for a rough-and-tumble monster hunter:

We increase our Strength or Constitution by 1;

We are proficient with improvised weapons (which means anything from broken glass to a dead vampire can be our weapon now);

Our unarmed strikes now use a d4 for damage instead of our Strength modifier;

When we hit a creature with an unarmed strike or an improvised weapon, we can use our Bonus Action (instead of Action) to grapple a target.

Since Trevor is the last member of the House of Belmont, and stores quite a number of artefacts and knowledge in the Belmont Hold, I think the Inheritor background from Sword Coast: Adventurer's Guide fits him well. We gain proficiency with Survival and one other skill from the list (let's get History), we learn one more language, proficiency in a gaming set or a musical instrument, and we get the Inheritance feature, which lets us create the Belmont Hold. Work out the details with your DM.

ABILITY SCORES

Our main ability will be Dexterity, it will work great when we get our whip. Constitution is next, we can take a few punches and we sober up pretty quick. Trevor loves his ale, much to Sypha's annoyance. Follow that up with Strength; some of Trevor's weapons use that instead of Dexterity.

Wisdom is next, we know what to do when fighting night creatures, even with common household objects. Intelligence is a little low, but Trevor himself said he was never really a fan of learning and doesn't know much about magic. Finally, we're going to drop Charisma... Trevor's social skills are lacking, and there's a reason he's the main himbo of the show.

CLASS

Level 1 - Fighter: We start off simply, as a Fighter. Our Hit Dice is a d10, and we start with [10 + Constitution modifier] Hit Points. We get proficiency with light armour, medium armour, heavy armour, shields, simple weapons, and martial weapons. Although we don't really see Trevor donning any protections (Giggity), we could assume give him leather or studded leather armour, and of course a whip as his main weapon. Our saving throws are Strength and Constitution, and we get to pick two class skills: let's get Intimidation and Perception.

Fighters begin by choosing their Fighting Style, and similarly to Alucard, we're going to pick Duelling. It gives us a +2 to our damage rolls if we're using only one weapon in hand.

We also get Second Wind, which lets us heal for [1d10 + our Fighter level] once per short or long rest, as a bonus action.

Level 2 - Fighter: At this level, we gain Action Surge. Once per short or long rest, we can take extra Action on our turn.

Level 3 - Fighter: This is where we select our subclass, our Martial Archetype, and what else fits a Belmont other than Monster Hunter from 2016 Unearthed Arcana. Starting as a Monster Hunter, we get some skill proficiencies (pick Insight and Investigation), and Combat Superiority feature. We get four d8 Superiority Dice, which we can use for a number of different benefits:

When making a weapon attack against a creature, we can roll a Superiority Die and add the result to the attack roll.

When making a weapon attack against a creature, we can roll a Superiority Die and add the result to the damage roll.

When we're making an Intelligence, a Wisdom, or a Charisma saving throw, we can roll a Superiority Die and add the result to the roll.

When making an Insight check or a Perception check, we can roll a Superiority Die and add the result to the roll.

We regain all expended Superiority Dice after finishing a short or long rest. We gain additional die at the 7th and 15th level.

With Hunter's Mysticism, we can cast Detect Magic as a ritual spell. Trevor was able to smell lingering traces of magic on artefacts and in locations. Once per long rest we can also cast Protection from Evil and Good, with Wisdom as our spellcasting ability. In addition, we learn a language wielded by supernatural creates: Abyssal, Celestial, or Infernal.

Level 4 - Fighter: Time to get our first Ability Score Improvement! Let's put one point in Wisdom, and the other in Strength.

Level 5 - Monk: Jumping into a more nimble class for a moment. At their 1st level, Monks get Unarmoured Defence, which makes our AC equal to [10 + Dexterity modifier + Wisdom modifier], provided we're not wearing armour.

With Martial Arts, we increase our hand-to-hand combat capabilities, which works pretty well with our Tavern Brawler feat. We can use Dexterity instead of Strength for our unarmed strikes and monk weapons. When we use an unarmed strike/monk weapon as an Attack, we can make two unarmed strikes as a bonus action.

Level 6 - Monk: We get access to the Ki energy. Starting with 2 Ki Points, we gain access to the following abilities:

Flurry of Blows lets us spend 1 Ki Point to make two unarmed strikes as a bonus action;

Patient Defence burns 1 Ki Point to let us take the Dodge action as a bonus action;

Step of the Wind doubles our jump distance and lets us take the Dash or Disengage action as a bonus action.

At this level, we also get Unarmoured Movement. Our ground speed increases by 10 feet, provided we're not wearing armour.

Level 7 - Monk: Here, we pick our second subclass, our Monastic Tradition. With Trevor, who is undoubtedly the master of all weaponry, going with Way of the Kensei is an obvious choice. The Kensei Monks take training with their weapons to a whole new level, and the Path of the Kensei feature presents that perfectly. We get to choose two weapons: one melee and one ranged (whip and darts), those become our Kensei Weapons that gain special properties as we level up in this class. We gain three Kensei benefits when we choose this subclass:

Agile Parry gives us +2 on our AC if we have a Kensei weapon in our hand, and if on our previous turn we used it/made an unarmed strike.

Kensei's Shot lets us use a bonus action to improve our ranged weapons (we've seen Trevor using throwing knives, so darts seem to be the best equivalent). When we use our ranged attack, we can add 1d4 to our damage roll. We retain this property until the end of our turn.

Way of the Brush: We gain proficiency with either calligrapher's supplies or painter's supplies.

At this level, we also gain Deflect Missiles ability. If we're hit by a ranged attack (not a spell), we can use our reaction to reduce the damage by [1d10 + our Dexterity modifier + our Monk level]. If we manage to reduce the damage to 0, we catch the projectile, and we can use our reaction to make a ranged attack (20/60) with it.

Level 8 - Monk: We get another ASI! Let's put one point in Wisdom and another in Dexterity.

We also get Slow Fall. If we're falling, we can use our reaction to reduce the falling damage by [our Monk level x5].

Cat reflexes.

Level 9 - Fighter: Coming back to Monster Hunter, we get the Extra Attack feature. We can now attack twice instead of once when using our Action to attack.

Level 10 - Fighter: Halfway through the build, and it's time to get another ASI. We shall put another point into Dexterity and one into Charisma, to slowly get rid of the negative modifier.

Level 11 - Fighter: We get our first Monster Hunter upgrade. With Monster Slayer, whenever we expend one Superiority Die for whatever benefit, we can instead expend two. The Dice are expended as they normally would, but if the target is an aberration, a fey, a fiend, or an undead, we add the maximum number to the damage.

Level 12 - Fighter: Another ASI! Let's put +2 to our Dexterity to max it out (and actually giving our whip decent damage).

Level 13 - Monk: We jump back to Kensei for a second. This level would give Monks Extra Attack, but we already have that feature from the Fighter. If your DM agrees, pick the optional class feature, Focused Aim, from Tasha's Cauldron of Everything. When we miss an attack, we can spend from 1 to 3 Ki Points to get +2 to our attack per each Point, to potentially turn the miss into a hit.

We also get Stunning Strike: when we hit our target with a melee weapon attack, we can spend 1 Ki Point to attempt to stun it. The target has to make a Constitution saving throw (DC = 8 + our proficiency bonus + our Wisdom modifier) or be stunned until the end of our next turn.

It is also at this Monk level (6th) that our Martial Arts die changes from a d4 to a d6,

Level 14 - Monk: Our punches become extra punchy with Ki-Empowered Strikes. From this point onwards, our unarmed strikes count as magical for the purposes of overcoming resistances and immunities to non-magical damage.

We also get an upgrade to the Kensei subclass. Thanks to One with the Blade we now get access to the Morningstar whip.

Our weapon attacks now count as magical, for the purpose of overcoming resistances and immunities. Additionally, once per turn, when we hit a creature with our weapon, we can add extra damage equal to our Martial Arts die roll.

At this level, our Unarmoured Movement gains extra 5 feet.

Level 15 - Fighter: At this level of Fighter, we get the Indomitable feat. Now we can re-roll a failed saving throw once per long rest. We have to use the new roll, even if it is lower.

Level 16 - Fighter: We get another subclass upgrade with Improved Combat Superiority. Our Superiority Dice change from a d8 into a d10.

Level 17 - Fighter: At this level, we get additional Extra Attack. We can now attack three times, whenever we use the Attack action on our turn. That gives us a possibility of up to six attacks when combined with Action Surge.

Level 18 - Fighter: Time for another ASI. Let's put one point into Charisma and one into Wisdom.

Level 19 - Fighter: Our Indomitable feature improves to two uses per long rest.

Level 20 - Fighter: Our capstone is Fighter 14, and we end it with an ASI. We put one point into Wisdom... and I hate to leave an odd number, but we have to distribute it somewhere. Let's put it into Intelligence.

---

We've got Trevor Belmont. Let's see how he turned out:

To start off, we've got a really good defence. With an AC of 18, +5 to our initiative, and 45 feet of ground speed, we have a pretty good battlefield presence. We also have 181 Hit Points on average, so we can take a punch or two from a vampire.

Unfortunately, we have to manage our resources with five Superiority Dice and six Ki Points, making sure they don't fly by. We also are pretty vulnerable to Charisma and Intelligence saving throws.

---

And that is it, that's all for the Castlevania trio. Once again, I am accepting requests for any fictional character you wish to see, and if not - we're going back to SMITE gods. That's it for now, tune in next time!

- Nerdy out!

[cyhyr]

Whumpmas In July: Closure

Fandom: Naruto

Rating: E

Pairing: Hatake Kakashi/Umino Iruka

WC: ~3950

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Notes: Wakes & Funerals, Angst, fluff, smut, blow jobs, hand jobs, moving in together

A/N: BUT LIKE THIS IS JUST P0RN WITH *~*FEELINGS*~*

Conclusion, Starting from "Sleep"

Read After “Hope”

For @whumpmasinjuly prompt list

Read on The Archive

~

Kakashi sits on the edge of the bed and watches Iruka dress. Black on black on black formalwear; he’s dressed similarly. Iruka is fidgeting with the buttons on his shirt, watching himself in the mirror that hangs on the closet door. His hair is still loose, slightly damp at the ends from his shower and curling at his shoulders. It’ll straighten as it dries, Kakashi knows.

“Love.”

Iruka drops his hands. He’s been fumbling the same button for a few seconds.

Kakashi stands and crosses the room. He reaches around Iruka, drawing his back to his chest, and finishes the line of the shirt. With gentle coaxing, he turns Iruka around and then pulls him back into a tight hug.

“We don’t have to do this. You don’t have to do this.”

Iruka rests his forehead on Kakashi’s shoulder, his hands light on his waist. “No one else will,” he says quietly.

“That doesn’t mean it’s your responsibility.”

“What am I supposed to do? Just let his spirit float aimlessly?”

Kakashi doesn’t respond. He doesn’t know how. He just holds Iruka tighter.

“I need this,” Iruka murmurs. “I need to do this.”

“Alright,” Kakashi kisses his hairline. “Alright.”

~

He stays at the edge of the cemetery, watching Iruka and the priest speak. He’s too far away to hear. He doesn’t care.

The fuck died a traitor to the village, a rapist and an abuser to the end.

All around this cemetery are the ancestors of civilian families who have lived in Konoha and the Land of Fire for decades, centuries. This… he doesn’t deserve to share the same space as them.

But.

Iruka fought for it. He petitioned Tsunade, and spoke to the priests, and arranged for as many of the funeral rites as he could reasonably be allowed. Mizuki’s name won’t go on the Stone, nor was he allowed to be enshrined in the cemetery with other fallen shinobi. And Iruka was… he accepted the terms.

So this morning they picked up Mizuki’s ashes and bones.

And now they’re here, with incense and candles and one lone white chrysanthemum in Iruka’s fingers. When they’d gotten here, the priest had asked if they wanted to wait for anyone else, but Iruka had sadly murmured to just get it over with. No one else was coming. Iruka had sent out notices to their classmates, old coworkers, the woman that Mizuki had after Iruka; no one had responded.

Kakashi had held Iruka through the disappointment last night. Iruka had hoped that the woman, Tsubaki, would at least show. But yesterday was just like today; nothing and no one else.

So he watches. The incense is lit and prayers are said, the bones and ashes are laid before the gravestone, covered with the wooden marker and one of the few photographs Iruka still has of Mizuki, one taken back when they both had finally completed their first year of teaching.

“This one,” he had said, picking it out of the album. He had put his fingertip lovingly over Mizuki’s face and held back tears, continuing, “We. We were happy, then… I think. Maybe it wasn’t real, but it felt—right.”

Finally the priest finishes the prayers and rites, and the ashes and bones are buried, the marker placed. The priest seems to offer Iruka their condolences one last time, and then leaves. Kakashi holds up a hand to stop them as they approach, and takes out a heavy envelope from his inner jacket pocket. With a slight bow he offers the envelope to the priest, and they accept it silently.

Iruka had told him he could cover the expenses for the service.

Kakashi needs to do this for him, though. It’s all he can do now, really.

Because he’s trying. He’s trying to be objective at least. But this dick abused his lover for years, conditioned him into acting certain ways under stress; and now Iruka takes a small cocktail of medication everyday to keep himself stable. And he can’t forget that, let alone forgive. He won’t.

He’s glad Mizuki’s dead. And also, he’s of the opinion that Mizuki doesn’t deserve the same rites that the dead typically receive. He doesn’t deserve to be treated with the same dignity that everyone else is—Minato-sensei, Obito, Rin.

(Not his father. He. He never did this for Sakumo. He was too young, in too much pain, and the village was all too pleased to see Sakumo gone. He regrets that now, but he can’t… well. The bones and ashes are still in the family shrine. Maybe…)

So instead he pays for the service, and for the cremation, and for the burial, and includes a significant donation to inspire the priests to come by and pray over Mizuki’s grave for the next year or so. Because that’s what Iruka would want. He would want someone to help this poor fuck, even if it couldn’t be himself.

Kakashi wonders if Mizuki knew how lucky he was, to have the devotion of the one person in the entire village—likely the entire world—who knows only how to see the good in people. He wonders if Mizuki knows now how lucky he is, that even though Iruka killed him, even though Mizuki raped him and beat him and brutalized him… Iruka is here, when no one else would step up, praying over his ashes for his soul to find peace.

Because—and it hurts to admit it—Iruka loved him.

Iruka smiles and the sun comes out; Iruka leans on Kakashi and the south winds warm him from the inside out; Iruka kisses him and it’s a revelation. And it’s his capacity to love, and especially to love broken people, that’s given Kakashi the chance to have this. Not his humanity—though that is such a bonus—but this unending fount of love Iruka seems to be made of; that’s his strength.

It’s also his most dire weakness. And Mizuki took advantage of that. He took all the love Iruka gave him and twisted it into something dark and bitter. But instead of running or fighting like any other shinobi should have, Iruka’s response was simply to love Mizuki harder. Maybe they drove each other to the heights of insanity they eventually reached.

Kakashi will never know. And after today he won’t care.

He enters the cemetery to go and stand silently beside Iruka, still praying. Eventually, Iruka picks up his head and leans against Kakashi’s thigh.

“It wasn’t all bad, y’know,” Iruka mutters.

Kakashi doesn’t respond, only carefully places his hand on Iruka’s hair and petting gently.

“After the Kyūbi attack, we roomed together until we graduated from the Academy,” Iruka says. “Sometimes the heat would go out and he would come and huddle with me with all the extra blankets we had.”

He was probably just cold too.

“He stayed up all night with me to practice the clone jutsu before our final test, so we could graduate together.”

He was using your natural ability to teach to learn a last-minute technique.

“He taught Naruto how to roll omelets. That was. That was a nice morning.”

He… hmm.

“He wasn’t always a monster,” Iruka sniffles. “I… He was there, Kakashi.”

“I know, Love.”

“I never wanted this.”

“I know.”

“I thought… For so long, I thought we would be together forever. He was everything. And it was… it was okay. I didn’t know it could be any different.” Iruka looks up at him, tears stuck in his eyes. “He had it easy, didn’t he? I forgave everything he did to me.”

“But he took you for granted.”

“What he did was underestimate my protectiveness,” Iruka sighs. “Both times. It ended our relationship, and then it ended his life.”

They stay in the cemetery for a long time. Kakashi listens to Iruka tell him stories about Mizuki the boyfriend and tries to meld that with his own memories of Mizuki the abuser. When they leave, Iruka drops the chrysanthemum on top of the marker with a finality that screams where the rest of the cemetery is silent.

~

They go home later, and Iruka stops on the sidewalk looking at his house while Kakashi pushes the fence open and starts down the path to the front door. His black jacket is slung over his shoulder, and the sunset warms his skin and casts a reddish-orange glow onto his pale skin. He stops and turns, one foot propped on the second step up to the porch, and smiles back at Iruka.

That Iruka can tell he’s smiling with three-quarters of his face covered and three meters of space between them… Iruka realizes he’s so far gone on this man. He has been for months.

But Kakashi looks so perfect, waiting for him outside the house.

“Coming, Love?”

Iruka flushes, scratches at his scar, and walks up the path. When he’s close enough to Kakashi, he murmurs, “Hopefully later,” and passes on to the door to unlock it and release the wards. He leads the way inside and looks back over his shoulder to see Kakashi looking at his ass hungrily, still standing in the same spot and position he’d been when Iruka had passed him.

He grins. “Coming, Love?”

Kakashi looks up at him and whines, “Don’t tease.”

Iruka laughs. He turns and goes inside, leaving the door open for Kakashi to follow him. He tosses his keys onto the table in the genkan and begins toeing off his shoes.

Kakashi comes and stands behind him, putting his nose right in Iruka’s hair behind his ear. “Love you,” he mutters.

“Love you too,” Iruka responds. He twists and kisses Kakashi on the cheek, still masked.

“What do you want for dinner?”

“Not hungry,” Iruka says. He finishes getting his shoes off and steps out of the genkan. He holds out his hands for Kakashi to take, and grins when he has Kakashi close again, now in the living room. “Though, if you’re on the menu…”

Kakashi takes down his mask, groaning deep in his chest. “I thought you said no Icha Icha lines.” He slips his arms around Iruka’s neck while Iruka’s hands go to Kakashi’s hips.

Iruka leans in slowly. “Are you really complaining?”

“No. No, gods, no. Please kiss me.”

Iruka deliberately kisses Kakashi on the corner of his mouth. And when Kakashi tries to turn into the kiss, he trails kisses away from Kakashi’s lips, across his jaw and down his neck.

“Iruka—!” Kakashi whines.

He walks them back to the couch, licking at Kakashi’s neck the whole while. He sits down and Kakashi falls after him, straddling his lap and cupping his face.

“It’s okay? Can I—?”

“Kakashi, please keep kissing m—”

He does. He dives in and coaxes Iruka’s lips apart so their tongues can glide together. All the while his hips are slowly rocking against Iruka’s; he grabs Kakashi low on his hips and urges him to grind faster.

“You and your—oh, gods—fucking suit,” Kakashi pants into his mouth. “Gorgeous. Godsdamned gorgeous in this.”

Iruka tips his head back and lets Kakashi kiss and lick down his neck. Fingers grapple at his tie and collar, fumble with his shirt. Iruka’s own hands squeeze Kakashi’s ass, full and warm in his palms.

“Want you,” Kakashi murmurs against his throat. “Want. I want to see you come. Can I do that for you tonight? Please, please let me make you come.”

Iruka pushes Kakashi’s head up with two fingers under his chin and kisses him. Kakashi’s hands stop their pursuit of stripping him out of his shirt and instead cup Iruka’s face, still muttering please, please, please, all the while rocking and grinding in Iruka’s lap and—

And—

Oh, how’s he supposed to say no to that?

“Okay,” Iruka kisses him. “Um. Okay. Just. I don’t…”

And then Kakashi says, "I want you to fuck me."

And something in Iruka stops.

~

“Want to—hmm—feel you move in me,” Kakashi rambles. He continues unbuttoning Iruka’s shirt, exposing more and more bronze skin. Iruka's chest is broad and muscled and perfect, just like the rest of him, and Kakashi slips off of his lap to settle on his knees between Iruka’s thighs; he leans in and laps at Iruka’s clavicle, down his sternum, drifts aside to catch a nipple in his teeth. Iruka’s soft hum and fingers in his hair tell him he’s doing good so he flicks his tongue against the bud between his teeth. His own eye rolls back to hear Iruka’s cry of pleasure.

Down further, he keeps undoing buttons and parting fabric. He lays kisses all over Iruka’s belly, cups his erection through his pants, and glances up at Iruka before he goes for his belt and trousers.

“Please.”

“What—um—what are you…?” Iruka can’t seem to get the words out, but his chest is heaving with his breath and the flush on his cheeks is staining his flesh all the way down his neck. He’s-he’s beautiful.

“I. I really want to suck you off,” Kakashi says. “And then, if you’re up for round two, I want you inside me.”

Iruka takes his cheek in hand and smiles and says, “We can. We can definitely try that.”

“I love you.”

Iruka kisses him again, soft and sweet. “Love you too. But let’s go to bed, yeah?”

Kakashi can agree with that. He stands up and pulls Iruka along by the hands. He’s giddy and excited—almost as much as when Iruka lets him eat him out, but this excitement has the twinge of newness to it. He’s wanted to get Iruka’s cock in his mouth since the first time they had gone to bed together, and now, finally, he’s getting it.

He’s a bit lightheaded by the prospect, if he’s honest.

Once they’re in the bedroom, Iruka begins unbuttoning Kakashi’s shirt, while Kakashi plays with Iruka’s buckle. Iruka moves to the cuff buttons at each wrist, and then returns to Kakashi’s chest to part the fabric and slide his palms over his undershirt and up to his shoulders. He pushes the shirt off and pulls it down his arms, dragging his palms and fingertips along his pale skin and raised scars. The shirt is tossed and Iruka returns to the undershirt, lifting slowly from the bottom and smirking at how Kakashi’s abs jump at his touch.

The undershirt and mask join the shirt on the floor, and Iruka goes for Kakashi’s belt, but is halted by his own belt and trousers being undone. Kakashi let Iruka have his bit of fun; but he’s really got to get that cock in his mouth.

“I love you,” he murmurs again. He leans in and kisses Iruka’s cheek, down to his jaw and back to his lips; traces his ribs with his fingers and groans at the dips of muscle definition on his abdomen. “You’re perfect, and I love you.”

Iruka’s panting lightly, his eyes closed and his lips shiny with spit—his or Kakashi’s, who’s keeping track anymore? Kakashi swallows the whimpering moan he pulls from Iruka’s throat as he finishes stripping both of them, their clothing a pile of fabric on the floor.

He urges Iruka to lay down on the bed, takes hold of his underwear once he’s prone, and asks again, “Is this alright?”

Iruka’s response is to raise his hips and tip his head to the side. He has a wet, red mark on his neck that may bruise by morning if Kakashi’s not careful.

He slips the last bit of fabric off and throws it aside. Iruka’s cock, hard and reddened, bobs onto his belly and smears precome across his skin. He blushes furiously, and it’s perfect.

Kakashi crawls onto the bed, spreading Iruka’s legs and settling himself between thick muscular thighs. First he kisses the soft, darker skin of his inner thighs, then trails his nose up through the thatch of hair around the base of his cock. He darts out his tongue to taste and relishes the whimper he receives. One hand joins his mouth in worship, gently cradling the thick cock while his tongue licks all around the base.

“K’shi. Love.”

The most subtle of shifts has him positioned above the head of Iruka’s cock. He licks up a bead of precome at the tip, closing his eyes to savor it. Continuing to cradle this precious member in one hand, he begins to press open-mouth kisses all along the shaft. His thumb caresses the tip and spreads the precome that keeps leaking.

Then Kakashi licks a wide stripe up the underside, base to tip, and sucks the head into his mouth—

And Iruka sobs.

Kakashi lifts his head, letting Iruka slip from his mouth but still holding him in one hand, and checks in—”Iruka?”

“Don’t stop,” Iruka whimpers. “Please. Please don’t stop.”

Relieved, Kakashi kisses his navel, his hips; strokes his cock with a slow, steady palm; and only when he hears Iruka cry out again—

“Gods among us, Kakashi, please!”

—does he slip his lips back over his head and take Iruka as far into his mouth as he can. He’s not long, but he’s thick and Kakashi’s jaw aches to hold him on his tongue; a slow breath out has Kakashi sliding the very tip of Iruka’s cock down his throat and relishing the fresh, louder cry he receives for the motion. He can hold Iruka in his throat for twenty-four seconds before needing to pull back. He’s not like Iruka, with no gag reflex and a penchant for swallowing long cocks and holding them in his throat. He bobs his head, drooling over the thick shaft and moaning at the taste of more precome in the back of his mouth.

Kakashi had been braced on his elbow, holding Iruka’s hip with a careful grip. But now he shifts, settles his weight more on his knees, places his forearms on Iruka’s spread thighs. He continues holding Iruka’s cock with one hand, stroking where his mouth can’t reach and keeping him from jerking up into Kakashi’s throat. With his newly freed hand, though, he cups Iruka’s balls and presses his thumb just barely against Iruka’s hole.

“Love you, love you, oh-oh-ahh, so g-good, K’shi, fuck.”

That’s it. That’s it, Love.

He lets Iruka thrust into his mouth just the barest amount, knowing unfortunately that he’ll choke if he lets Iruka take what he wants but also. Also, gods, Iruka is panting and moaning and it’s driving Kakashi higher and higher.

“Want. Oh. Kakashi, Love, wanna come with you,” Iruka taps at his shoulder, “Please, please come up here and kiss me.”

He lets Iruka go, swallows the last bitter traces of precome on his tongue, and crawls up Iruka’s body. Iruka takes him by the face and pulls him the rest of the way to his mouth, kissing and nipping at his lips and groaning all the while.

“Why,” Iruka mutters into his mouth,”are you still wearing your underwear?”

“Good question.” Kakashi licks into his mouth and continues kissing him, fingers his nipples, rocks their hips together—

“Off. Get them off,” Iruka whines.

“But then I’d have to stop touching you.”

“You can take three seconds to strip.”

Kakashi sits back and shoves his underwear down his thighs. The cool air on his dick is a shock, but not as much as watching Iruka reach for his own cock and begin to touch himself.

Kakashi stops to watch.

His fingertips glide along the underside, up and down and up and—they stop and Iruka takes himself in a light grip, swirling his thumb against the tip while his other hand drifts to his chest to pinch and tweak at his own nipple.

Iruka licks his lips, moans brokenly, and says, “Are you going to make me do this myself, or are we doing this together?”

He fumbles the rest of the way out of his underwear, saying, “I. Well.” He settles back, kneeling between Iruka’s thighs and watching his hand move and his chest heave. “Gods, Iruka, I could come from this.”

“Watching me?”

“You have no idea. How godsdamn sexy you are right now.”

Iruka’s blush is sweet and gorgeous.

“Want us,” he pants. “Want you.”

Kakashi leans back down and kisses him, deep and lovingly, pressing their bodies together, hips to navel to chest. Iruka’s arms encircle his neck and keep him close, keep them kissing. He reaches between them for Iruka’s cock and takes him in hand again, pumping his hand carefully.

Iruka shakes his head. “Together, Kakashi, please.”

He shivers. “I won’t last,” he murmurs.

“Don’t care. Wanna feel you.”

So Kakashi leans up on his elbow, adjusts his hips and pushes his own cock alongside Iruka’s into the circle of his hand and they both sigh and moan and Iruka begs him to move—

“K’shi, please, please, I’m so close, just—little more, please!”

Kakashi ruts, smoothing precome along their cocks with his palm and easing the friction. Iruka’s leaking steadily but Kakashi’s pulsing, damp squirts from his tip with each thrust. His eyes are shut tight and his lips are parted and kiss-bruised.

“You. You’re so beautiful,” Kakashi whispers.

And Iruka comes. Splashes of come slip over his hand, pooling on his stomach and chest. Kakashi stills his hand to feel the pulse of Iruka’s cock against his own and it’s glorious. His jaw drops in an almost silent cry, interrupted only by soft Ah-ah-ahh as he pants. And when he starts to come down, Iruka moans and gasps, “So good K’shi,” and then.

And then he opens his eyes, just the barest amount, and says, “You too. Come for me, Love.”

Like he could resist. Kakashi’s hand doesn’t even move again, still gently holding them both; he comes on command, adding to the mess on Iruka’s belly as his hips rut against Iruka’s.

His mouth is dry and his throat aches when he comes back to himself. Iruka is holding him against his chest, the mess mostly wiped away by a corner of the blanket. Kakashi nuzzles into Iruka’s neck, breathes him in, and relishes the soft touches to his back and arms.

“Move in with me.”

Kakashi opens his eye and picks up his head. Iruka is staring at the ceiling, like he’s not sure how Kakashi's going to respond.

As if there’s any other response he could give.

“Alright.”

“I just thought, y’know, you’re here all the time anyway, and I miss you when—” Iruka looks down at Kakashi and furrows his brow, saying, “Wait. Alright?”

Kakashi smiles. “Alright.”

“You. You’ll live here. With me.”

“I would love to.”

Iruka frowns, turning his gaze away from him and instead to the wall. “I wasn’t prepared for this.”

“I’m realizing that,” Kakashi chuckles.

“I expected to have to convince you.”

“Convince me? To live with the love of my life? To live with the man who makes me bad omelettes but perfect pancakes? To live with you, who makes sure my weapons are sharp and designs seals and tags specifically for my use?”

“Kakashi…”

“I’d get to live with the same man who opened up his heart and his home to my sensei’s son, who the rest of the village had turned their back on, and showed him what love is with no desire for reciprocation or payment. You just. Did.”

“Gods, love, stop.”

Kakashi does. Because that word is important and he won’t tarnish it by disrespecting it. But he could go on. And on. And on.

But Iruka smiles and kisses him again and says, “Okay. We’ll get you moved in tomorrow?”

Because it’s getting late.

And he’s home.

[whump-town]

A Cumbersome and Heavy Body

Chapter Four: How to Disappear Completely

Summary: Stubborn until the very end, Aaron Hotchner isn’t going to go down without a fight. It’s just getting hard to tell the difference between fighting them and fighting the cancer.

Word count:  2,670 (not very long but I’m getting back into the swing)

Author’s Note: I know it’s been like freaking two months but this felt nice and I remembered how much I actually enjoy this fic. You can find the first chapter here!

Warning: the subject of this fic is cancer and it’s treatment, cursing, maybe out of character (idk, man. hotch is weird) bonus: I’m 19 and a humanities major so obviously I don’t know anything about medicine so I’m doing my best out here

I'm not here I'm not here This isn't happening I'm not here I'm not here

She’s not allowed to go with him to treatments-- radiation treatments, he never said anything about chemo. You’d think she was the ex-lawyer but really she’s just mastered the art of annoying him. “That’s a straight flush, eat it!” She lays the cards out for him to see, grinning as his face falls and he realizes that he’s lost to her, again. “We totally should have played strip-poker.”

He rubs a hand over his face, digging his fingers into his eye socket. “That’s the last thing I need,” he mumbles, leaning back against his chair. He’s exhausted and freezing his ass off despite the long-sleeved t-shirt he’s wearing under his flannel and the blanket Emily’s tucked around him. There’s no point in bringing it up, no point in talking about it. No one can do anything about it. He’s just cold and he can handle the clump of hair that fell in the sink this morning and the fact that all foods, even foods that he’s considered safe for decades, betray his body. This being cold all the time thing though? It’s pissing him off and it makes him feel even more helpless because he can’t control his emotions.

Nevermind, most of his control over everything is gone. He’s stuck in this chair until the toxic whatever they have hanging above his head enters his body. The whole bag and a two-hour, maybe longer, wait. For comfort, he’s got an endless supply of blankets, all as thick as paper, and a popsicle. He likes popsicles but he’s certain he’ll throw up anything he eats right now. So he sticks to lightly sipping his water. At least he gets to control the water most of the time. Occasionally they even get to veto his decisions there.

“I’ll give you a break,” she offers. She can see he’s having a hard time. He knows he’s lucky to have her as his shadow but that doesn’t do much for the temper he’s struggling to control. “I’m going to go call JJ,” she knocks her hand against his knee and he hums his understanding. He’s moved his body up, sitting up enough to tilt to the left, his head in his palm, and his fingers moved to block her view of a pained grimace. Trying and failing to keep her distracted with his silence.

Knowing that crouching down beside him would create far more attention to his discomfort that is such grave importance to him to hide, she just lowers her voice and quietly asks, “do you want me to get some more water?” He shakes his head, just rocking his forehead into his palm. His attention lost to a sea of pain. “Okay,” she mumbles, feeling utterly helpless. A feeling she’s becoming quite familiar with.  

The worst part is knowing there’s nothing she can do physically for him but there are some people that never fail to draw a smile to his face. So she texts Spencer and Penelope, hoping Reid will numb Hotch out with never-ending conversation and Garcia will lighten his sludge. She hesitates to ask Jessica to bring Jack over. After the night they watched the Chronicles of Narnia he’s been a little outwardly disruptive. Acting out and it’s to be expected, this isn’t easy for anyone and it’s impossible for a child who has already lost his mother. But it will be good for Hotch and Jack so she risks it and Jessica seems to agree.

“You’re back early.” What she does not account for is Derek Morgan beating them back. They walk in and hear a racket, and though their training should have them reaching for guns not strapped to their hips, they both just glare at the direction in which it’s coming from. Derek stands up, eyeing them both over, and motioning to something out of their sight. “Was just fixing the sink.” He’s covered in dirt and sweat, it’s evident he was fixing something though the state of his shirt looks more like he breaking something.

Emily is opening her mouth to inquire but Hotch beats her to it. His tone and his mood are not in a good place and if she’d known Morgan was here ahead of time she would have warned him. Morgan has no warning when Hotch’s already firmly placed scowl turns even crueler and he grumbles, “the sink wasn’t broken.”

She’s stuck standing between them, Hotch walking away and Morgan watching his back and looking hopelessly at her to explain what just happened. She’s not sure if she’s allowed to follow Hotch or if she’s better here explaining his behavior. It’s just like old times, she thinks bitterly. To Foyet and his pain and she can’t say she’s surprised, he really held out. She can’t blame him for being in a bad mood, he’s in pain. It’s his cancer, he’s allowed to be pissed about it.

“He okay?”

She is surprised to find that Morgan isn’t angry. That he looks nearly sad standing there, torn between going after him and being reassured by her. “He’s…” she won’t tell him about the drive back. Hotch silent but in so much pain he’d been restless, incapable of sitting still in the car. Or this morning how he’d needed her help just putting on a shirt. The hair she’s noticed falling out but he’s not commenting on it so she certainly won’t breathe a word. That they’re up all night, the sound of Hotch’s pacing making her too worried to rest or barreling through the house to find him curled around the toilet looking miserable. That he’s losing weight rapidly and she doesn’t struggle to help him up anymore-- but she tells herself it’s because she’s getting stronger because she has to.

“He’s Hotch,” she reasons, foolishly. “Of course, he’s okay.”

-------------------------------

Garcia would lay her own life down in a heartbeat to protect the team if they’d let her. She owes them all so much for the quality that they have given her life over the past few years. They have built a family around her, from the ground up, and accepted her through all her flaws and misadventures. No one as much as her suit-clad, knight in shining armor boss. Hotch has been there for her since before there was even really a team. When no one else would, he gave her so much more than a chance-- he believed in her. When no one else, when no one had even tried since her parent’s death. Even when time and time again she made mistakes, pushed rules, and on his last nerve. He never tore her down.

He commends her strangeness, even if she suspects he doesn’t fully understand it. Smiles good-naturedly when she brings him holiday-themed ties so they can match and allows her silly days out for conventions beyond his own taste. He’s never grasped a full understanding of her but he’s never given up trying. He commends her abilities to do this job and also reminds her how proud he is of her, to have her on his team, and to call her a friend. So, yeah, if Hotch needs a little pick-me-up, she’s his man.

“Are you two fucking?”

Garcia freezes. The key Hotch gave her half-way in its retreat from the lock and the door only slightly opened. She’s technically coming in unannounced but Hotch had given her this key under the same pretenses as the one that gave her access to his and Haley’s house-- in case she needs him. The situations are flipped now, he needs her, but the sentiment is still the same. She’d prepared for the Hotch’s thousand-word frown upon entrance just not the verbal assault of “are you two fucking”.

She hesitantly makes her way into the room, peeking around the corner of the wall that separates the kitchen from the living room. Emily and Morgan are standing there, both looking equally disgusted and annoyed. She watches Emily fluster, mouth opening and closing like a goldfish. “What?” she barks out in pure surprise. “He’s-- NO!”

Morgan reciprocates his own franticness, waving at Emily’s clothes, “you’re-- you’re... matching!” He’s grabbing at straws for the most part. His own anxieties and fears coming into play to create this monster of a beast he can’t stop thinking about. To distract himself from the panicked thoughts he has about watching his friend die he’s conjured a reality in which it makes sense that Emily and Hotch would be boning. Really, it’s only bothering him because he has no idea what he would do if the two of them were… doing something. It’s just-- just disgusting. Hotch is Hotch, he doesn’t… do that.

Emily rolls her eyes, “Derek, I see him every day. I live with him.” She makes an exasperated throwing motion with her hands, tossing them upwards. “It’s going to happen occasionally, alright? We own similar articles of clothing.” She motions down to her clothes, “we’re ‘matching’ because we look a lot alike and he knows green is his color just like I know it’s mine!”

Of course, that’s what she says now but this morning when she was working the tiny ass buttons of his shirt together she’d given him endless shit about managing to pick out the one shirt the two of them both own. He couldn’t change-- that day’s appointments needed full access to his chest and the easiest way to do that is to wear easily opened and shut clothing. She could change but simply refused-- it was far more entertaining to tell him they looked like those preschoolers whose parents dressed them to match.

He wasn’t amused.

“Besides,” she adds just to a rise out of him, “he’s not supposed to be doing anything strenuous until the rash on his chest clears back up.” She tucks a strand behind her ear, nonchalant. “Even then I would have to be on top.” She smiles as he sputters, satisfied with her own work.

Morgan frowns, “No!” He momentarily covers his ears, shaking his head. “Why do you even-- How do you know that?”

Emily shrugs, “Oh… well, his doctor thought we were… you know.”

Garcia isn’t sure where her allegiance should be. If Hotch and Emily are… she’d prefer not to know the details. Well, she’s interested because it’s Emily but it’s also Hotch. She makes a face, the thought… it-- Hotch needs to lighten up. He needs someone back in his life that can bring some fun but Emily is, well she’s Emily! It f-

“Is she done tormenting Morgan, yet?”

Garcia reels around, caught off guard by a sudden deep but unimpressed voice behind her. When she turns, she finds Hotch. He’s dressed down, out of the attire Morgan and Emily had been talking about. Now, in a simple Hanes t-shirt and black sweatpants. Comfortable-- she likes the way he looks. It may not be his usual attire but it makes him look more… dad-like. More himself.

Garcia looks back over her shoulder and finds herself grinning. Her boss may seem like a boring, hardass but he can have his fun too. No doubt, he either gave Emily the idea to go torment Morgan (never direct but planted the seedling idea) or, at the very least, gave her permission. “I don’t think so,” she answers honestly. “She’s not going to let it go if she knows it bothers him that much.” Which is completely true.

Hotch smiles, softly. A dimple making a guest appearance as he shakes his head. Only Emily Prentiss. He looks Garcia down, lifting a brow at the sight of all the things in her arms. “Can I help you with that?” he offers, motioning to the filled Tupperware clutched to her chest so that they don’t topple over.

She remembers, suddenly, the armful of goodies she has. “Oh yes, sir!” She lets him take a few off the top, telling him what they are as he acquires them. “Those are macadamia nut cookies! This really nice woman--” she follows him as he takes the containers and directs her to the kitchen. “She moved in across the hall from me. She loves to bake and so she’s been giving me all these little recipes.”

He moves right past Emily and Derek, smiling to himself at the panicked raise in Derek’s tone as they catch sight of one another. He directs his attention back to Garcia, making sure she knows he’s listening. Though he doubts his own abilities to dig into the delicacies Garcia has brought, he knows that Jack and Emily will rip them to shreds. Which is the honorable way Garcia’s cooking should go, straight into very gracious mouths.

“I really hadn’t been able to test them out,” she continues. “So, I thought why not try them all right now and bring them to you!” She smiles cheerfully up at him, their height difference more apparent when he looks down realizes she’s not wearing her signature heels. She’s wearing pink converse, perfectly complimenting her pink sweater and pink glasses and jewelry. He thinks she looks positively amazing but knows any compliments will have him smothered in kisses and, well, he’s already been accused of sleeping with one coworker...

Mind still wandering off on the subject of his height and when the last time he saw Garcia in shoes other than heels, he settles a soft smile on her. She keeps talking, showing him each container's contents. It’s the exhaustion that leads him down the path beaten path of dissociation, his mind simply slipping out from beneath him. Someplace warm and fuzzy where his body doesn’t ache.

“Aaron--” He blinks, startling at the sudden touch to his shoulder. He looks down to find Emily and an anxious-looking Garcia. He’s sure Emily and Derek’s conversation about their relationship is now going to seem more damning as her hand slips into his. She squeezes his fingers, “you okay?” Her eyes flick between his, searching for an answer that’s going to be far more honest than the one he produces on his own.

He clears his throat, forcing himself not to blush. “Yeah,” he croaks. “I don’t… I don’t know what that was.” He bashfully averts his eyes to the kitchen floor, very aware of their attention on him now. Too much attention. It’s impossible to hide the way he shivers, the paling, near purpling of his arms. He knows it’s inevitable that they’ll notice but… he’d like to think himself some mastermind. Impervious to the tests of cancer and his treatments. That they don’t affect him. He can hide the central line under layers of clothes. Wear hats to hide the hair. Fake a smile and force his way through the day.

But he’s failing miserably. They see it. The radiation rash now sitting at the base of his neck, red and angry. Peaking out through his shirts. The bulge of the central line under his normal shirts. The nose bleeds that never stops, he’s scarred Reid and Morgan for life with those. The tinnitus that’s recently come back with a vengeance. He’s affected, good and proper, and he hates it. Hates that he has to be so blatantly mortal in front of everyone. Never gets a say in if today is good or bad. If he’ll be too weak to get out of bed or too sick to eat. He hates it.

Garcia is the first person to properly break the tension. She playfully knocks Hotch in the shoulder, more of a tap than anything. It’s careful and his throat tightens with the realization of how weak he must look to make Garcia afraid she could hurt him with a simple tap.  “It’s all good, sir.” She settles a small smile on him, “but you can make it up to me by eating?”

Eating. He runs his tongue along his bottom lip, swallowing thickly around the sick twist of his stomach. “Okay,” he answers softly, forcing a smile to match hers when she beams. Thinking she’s won against his unruly stomach. 

Emily glances at him but ignores it. 

He just wants to be normal again. 

@laiba-the-person, @emily-hottie-prentiss, @unionjackpillow, @clockedstar, @baumarvel, @blakeprentiss, @qvid-pro-qvo, @aaron-hotchner187, @ssalavellan, @lazyhater (Just lmk if you don’t want to be tagged anymore)

[itsybiggy]

you’re my midnight moon

Part 3/3: does time heal all wounds?

word count: 2323

Thinking about doing a bonus chapter with smut, let me know! Hope you like the fluffy angst!

You starred down at the note. It had been brought here the other day and had it done nothing but haunt you ever since it arrived. It was an invitation to the festival that was taking place in two months. Each district had one in each of the walls and anyone was free to go between them. It would take a while to prepare and all of humanity was helping. But this invitation was from Armin. More of a letter than a formal invitation, but he wanted you to go to the festival with him.

To reconnect, my old friend.

Old friend.

Suppose that was less awkward than old lover. But even then you and Armin had not even been lovers then. Both not having time and being too shy to go that far in your relationship.

Still, this was an opportunity to make amends for your past. For abandoning him. So you wrote back.

Dear old friend...

______

Despite the fact that you lived in the same district as Armin, you had managed to barely see in in the months leading up to the festival. You didn’t exactly do this on purpose, it seemed that your mind was attempting to protect yourself. When you would see him in the market, a bar, just out in town, you conveniently remembered what you had to do at home, go somewhere else. You ignored when you felt his gaze on you. You never engaged with him. You felt like a mole, hiding from the sun itself.

Sasha had come one day, filled with questions. She spared no time opening you up, though if anyone could it would be her. You cried together for your fallen comrades, for the awful memories, and your once lost connection. Your connection that was quickly rekindled after that day. Her kind, but at times brash words had given you the confidence to have this closure with all of your old friends, most of all Armin of course.

Which brings us to the festival

The town square in wall Cana was alive with all spurts of sights and sounds. Hoards of drunk soldiers and civilians alike sung their new bar songs; written about humanity’s victory.

“On the ground were their heads

As our mighty scouts caught them dead

Swinging their swords they cut those bastards down

Some say there were no blades just Levi’s frown

Our mighty scouts they slayed the beasts

So now we feast!

For the Titans are gone let's have some fun!

And humanity has WON!!”

The thick smell of well missed meat filled the whole district. Families had opened their doors with warm, home cooked meals inside. Food stalls were set up, with no charge. It truly felt as if humanity was at peace.

In the midst a group of soldiers in particular, more jovial than most, some say they saw hell more that Levi himself.

“SASHA SLOW THE HELL DOWN!” Connie smacked the back of her neck, effectively shooting the peace of meat she was choking on, out of her throat.

“Ah!” Jean leaped out of the way of the projectile meat “you didn’t even chew it you monster!”

Sasha looked like she was about to cry as Mikasa held on to her, keeping her from picking up the steak from the ground. “I couldn’t help it, I haven’t had cow in so long.”

“So savor it you idiot.” Eren rolled his eyes, Armin chuckled.

You were a few steps away from the group, your slow body separated yourself from the happy group. You didn’t want to rain on their parade. Though, you honestly wanted to join it. You had made up as much as you could with all of them...except Armin. Sasha was the only one who took it well enough. The rest of the group said they would need time to fix your friendships. Which was understandable. So, you just let them be content tonight without having to worry about you.

Armin didn’t seem to get the “Ignore me” memo. Shooting glances at you when he thought you couldn’t see him. It made you uneasy.

It made you scared that old feelings started to bubble up.

Armin Arlert had the uncanny ability to make you feel like a giggling school girl with what seemed to be only a look. Not that you audibly or visibly made any indication that he did so. But it was impossible for you to think of anything else but: <em>if your simple dress looked ok, was your hair a mess in the humidity or was your face just a tomato at that point?</em>

You tried to keep your head on the cobblestone road, as you tried not to meet any of his gazes. But also because you had stupidly discarded your cane. You didn’t need it most of the time, but if you were going to be walking for long periods of time you definitely did. One small miss step would leave you face planted on the ground unable to get up.

“Hey (y/n), come-“ With your eyes glued to the group you didn’t notice Eren being the first one who noticed you trailed behind. And so when he had went to playfully slap your back, ushering you forward it had taken you by compete surprise. So of course your back and legs give way, and you face planted on the stone road.

“(Y/N)!!” They all shouted, they had already turned around when Eren began talking. They rushed to your side, and helped you as you attempted to get up.

Eren looked quiet panicked as Mikasa begun swatting at him to be careful with my weak form. He swore he didn’t know the strength of his hit.

“I’ve got it, I’m fine. It’s ok.” You batted their hands away and attempted to ease Eren. You could feel warm blood as it was trickling from your chin and knees. But you couldn’t get up, only on all fours. Humiliatingly unable to move past this point, tears threaten to leave your eyes. Once again, you stared at the cobblestone in compete defeat. “I....I can’t move anymore...help.”

Strong arms lifted your body from the road. You were unable to even look at who they belonged to but the soft, familiar smell flooded your nostrils.

“I’ve got you.” Armin said, one arm under your bleeding knees, the other held your back and shoulders. “I’ll go get her cleaned up, we’ll meet you guys later.” He said and before You could even protest he walked from them.

Silence....awful, deafening, horrible silence.

It was almost impossible to tell what he was thinking. His face was blank, you could only detect the blush creeping from his neck to the tips of his ears. Quickly after seeing that, your face matched his.

<em>Did you want to talk to me or should I start?</em>

As if he heard your thoughts “Let’s get you clean and then.. we can talk.” His voice was soft and wavering. You could feel his nervousness, it was clearly heard in his voice.

So per his request you both were silent as he set you down at a table, a distance away from anyone. Families and soldiers were still clearly visible, but their singing and celebration muffled in the distance. He left me for only a second to the well nearby. He took a knife to his shirt and tore the bottom. You were glad it wasn’t more than a normal day shirt. But it still had made you feel guilty. Flowey and light blue, it was still a nice shirt despite its simplicity. He dipped a part of the shirt into the bucket which he had drawn and returned to you. The wind whipping his shortened shirt revealing his very muscular torso. You quickly averted your eyes.

He knelt down and lightly wiped the dried blood from your legs before dabbing the wound. Subconsciously your leg twitched, causing him to come down a bit to hard. A sting shot through the wound which caused you to wince.

“Sorry!” He quickly lifted his hand, panic in his eyes “I was trying to be gentle.”

“You were! Don’t be sorry...maybe if you held my leg in place it would help.” looking into his blue eyes, you desperately tried to imprint them once again into your mind. He looked away soon after the offer, embarrassed.

Still, red in the face he nodded. He placed his left hand on your calf, his finders gripping softly onto your soft skin. His right hand resumed cleaning the bloody scrape. “Does that feel better?” He asked, eyes fixed on your leg.

“I uh, still think they are shaking.” You took his hand and placed it in the back of your thigh. He lifted your dress so he had better access to your knee. “There I’m still.”

Except now it was Armins hands who were shaking. He finished one side before moving to the next. You easily noted how his hand was significantly higher on this leg than the other.

“All clean, you should wrap them when you get home though. here let me help you down.” He held out his hand, but you were not ready to let this tender interaction end.

You pointed to your chin, which still had some blood on it. “Uh could you get this too.”

He gulped and nodded. You scooted forward on the table and spread your legs so he could come close enough to reach your face. He stepped in between them and lifted his hand to cup your face steady, like your leg, to softly clean your face. Your eyes stared at the table, but his seemed to be going from your cut to your eyes. You could feel with certainty when his blue eyes looked into yours. You continued to stare down, but now because you could not meet his with yours so filled with tears.

Here he was, perfect and soft. Caring for you so tenderly, as if you hadn’t completely broken his heart. Left without an trace, an explanation. You didn’t deserve his kindness.

“All..um done.” He stepped away from you, held out his hand to support you.

“Thank you Armin. You took it and stepped down carefully. When your feet hit the cold stone you continued to look at it while you stood there. Finally , unable to contain your self, you looked up fully sobbing now.

“Armin I’m..” your face went in your hands as your trembled “I’m so sorry. I should have ne-“

He interrupted you before you could continue.

“There is one thing I’ve always regretted. Not telling you how the world can be so beautiful, but I was so lucky to have something, someone beside me who was more beautiful than a sunset creeping over the mountains, or a meadow wildflowers, the star filled night sky or even the ocean. And that was you, is you.” You looked up to meet his love filled gaze, completely star struck at the words that came out of his mouth. The world seemed to slow as he continued.

“I’m so sorry that I didn’t fight harder to keep you by my side. I just, I wanted to ask why you stopped loving me, and plead for you to stay but I just let you go.” He looked to the ground, seemingly ashamed for what you thought as innocence, it was you who was to blame.

You stepped into his arms, clinging to him for support. Your legs were weak now, but you also needed him to hold you. His arms had the gift to make all your worries disappeared. “Armin, I-. It’s not your fault. It was me. After we became scouts and then we were separated, my entire force was wiped out. My friends all gone. I was struck with the realization that life for us so fleeting. And it hurt so bad to see them go, I couldn’t and didn’t even want to imagine seeing you die. And I didn’t want you to hurt if I ever did.” He held your shaking, sobbing body as you struggled to continue.

“I pushed everyone away including you, only to save myself from having to lose you. And I still did. It hurt me so much and every day I regret it. I’m so sorry Armin. But seeing you again, I- I can’t leave you again. I still love you I never stopped. It was too late when I realized that life is fleeting so it is important to find something you live and hold onto it rather than push it away.”

“Armin Arlert I love you”

Calloused hands lifted your face to his, strong arms lifted you from the ground, soft lips kissed yours. You could taste his salty tears, they mixed with your own. You could feel his love, his hurt, and his relief.

You grabbed onto his silky hair, arms wrapped around his neck. He held your body close to his. You wanted to feel him, closer, connected. Your tongue slid across his lips. He eagerly tilted his head and opened his mouth to yours, now you could taste him. His lips were so soft, so tender parted from you to look at your face. A smile spread across his.

“(Y/n) (l/n) dance with me, we don’t need any music, just you and me. Come on.” Tears rolled down your faces as he recited the words you had so many years ago.

And as if on que your little world opened up as you begun to hear the tune of the festival music. He carried you closer to the music, but just far enough away where you both could stay in your own world.

He set you down, placing your feet on top of his as you both swayed with the music. You stayed like this, dancing, lips parted for a millisecond only to connect again. This tender moment you shared will not easily if not ever be forgotten.

Yaaay all done! Repost, like, send some love if you enjoyed! We need more Armin content!!!

[carriagelamp]

April l was apparently the month for me to revisit some children’s authors who are steeped in controversy at the moment. So here’s my hot (well, lukewarm) takes on issues that absolutely do not need a single other person talking about them. Also some actual good books that I read this month!

Badger in the Basement

The Animal Ark books are a childhood classic — though I recently found out that apparently there’s a difference between American and British publications, and the American versions didn’t include a lot of actual COOL animals which is… bizarre. As a Canadian stuck in the middle of this, this nonsense drives me nuts. This one was about the main character, the daughter of pair of vets, trying to protect a local badger sett from men wanting to participate in badger digging and baiting. These books are always feel-good, and it was a nice single-day-read while I waited for a library book to come in.

Chi’s Sweet Home

The cutest manga series about the misadventures of a little kitten, Chi, who has been adopted by a loving family. I’ve never bothered to read them in order, but apparently this time I stumbled across the last in the series -- whoops! Still, stood on it’s own pretty easily, and it was a fun read! Things get tense when the family realize that they may have found Chi’s original home… and may have to give up Chi forever.

Earth Before Us: Dinosaur Empire!

This was an odd graphic novel, I feel like I’m not sure who the target audience was exactly. It was a nonfiction comic done in a Magic School Bus style, with the purpose of teaching current, up-to-date facts about the animals that lived in the Mesozoic Era. If you’re into dinosaurs, you’ll probably enjoy this! The art is absolutely adorable, I love the dinosaur illustrations, and I learnt some really neat facts. That being said, the pages are really dense, and there’s a lot of info crammed in… some of it will probably go way over a child’s head without specific additional teaching or a very strong personal interest. But that being said, a dinosaur obsessed kid is still probably going to really dig this… as would a dinosaur obsessed adult. It wasn’t my cup of tea exactly but I’m sure it is someone’s.

assorted Dr Seuss Books

I love these types of controversies because it means getting to listen to every moron who has never had an opinion on Dr Seuss ever start generating a mile of them out of the aether. So many people are so mad about the six books that are getting retired and I bet most of them haven’t even read them. These are not the friggin Cat In The Hat or The Lorax or even the likes of Yertle The Turtle. I was raised by a grade one teacher, was a voracious reader who loved Dr Seuss, and wrote my university thesis on children’s literature, and I still only knew two of the six books on that list. So by all means, if you want to write an essay explaining why those specific books are worth clinging to, feel free, but if you haven’t even heard of them maybe it’s not a big deal. *grumble*

Anyway, my grousing aside, it gave me the urge to reread a bunch of Seuss books, including the two retiring books I personally knew: McElligot’s Pool and To Think That I Saw It On Mulberry Street. I do still enjoy both, especially McElligot’s Pool which always sparked my imagination, but it’s obvious why they’re being retired and I personally think it’s the right choice. There’s so much good kidlit out there, we can survive without these.

Goodbye, My Rose Garden

A f/f romance manga, fairly standard fair though cute if you’re looking for some historical angst, pretty dresses, and mutual pining. A young Japanese woman moves to England in the hopes of meeting a writer (Mr Frank) who she has long admired. Along the way she is employed by an enigmatic woman with plenty of money, rumours, and melancholy following her. I’ll be honest, uncut romance isn’t really my genre, but I’ll probably still try to the second book to see if the story picks up.

From The Holocaust to Hogan’s Heroes: The Autobiography of Robert Clary

It’s no secret that I’ve been on a Hogan’s Heroes kick. This is the autobiography of Roberty Clary, who plays my favourite character in the show, Louis Lebeau. And holy shit what a life this man has had. He was a Jew growing up in France before the start of the war, and who was one of many children taken away from his family and sent off to the concentration camps in Germany. This was an amazing, intense, inspiring, and heartbreaking read… it has Clary’s voice all over it, and it tells everything from the charming childhood he had, to the horrors of the concentration camps, the brutality of survival, and then about his exciting journey into the entertainment industry afterwards. It’s an experience, would recommend if you’re a fan of the show.

The Ickabog

The second controversial author I read this month. Originally I was going to give Rowling’s new book a miss, given everything that’s been going on over the past few years, but in the end my curiosity got the better of me. Politics aside, it was a fun read! Not groundbreaking, but enjoyable enough and written in an interesting style. It didn’t read the same as a lot of modern kidlit, it felt more like a cross between a classic fairytale and a Dahl book. Perhaps a bit like Despereaux. It tells the tale of how an idyllic country gradually falls into ruin through the ignorance, inaction, and greed, and how a supposedly fictional monster hides the very real, human monsters at the heart of the country. It was cute and pleasant and I’m glad I decided to get it from the library, though for anyone who is choosing not to engage for political reasons: you aren’t missing anything major.

Franklin In The Dark

A Canadian classic. I don’t think there’s a single person my age who hasn’t read or been read a pile of these books, and the nostalgia is so comforting. I found this on Youtube and listened to someone read it to me, and honestly 10/10 would recommend for a calm evening.

The big reason I decided to seek this one out though, was because I finally got to the M*A*S*H episode that inspired this entire series! In the episode C*A*V*E, in which Hawkeye is freaking out over his claustrophia while the camp is forced to take shelter in a nearby cave during some intense shelling, he mentions that if he had been born a turtle he would have been afraid of his own shell, and that the other turtles would make fun of him cause he’d be forced to walk around in his underwear. And so this first story about a young turtle who’s afraid to sleep in his own shell and drags it around behind him. So if you were ever curious, Franklin the Turtle is in fact named after Dr Benjamin Franklin Pierce. (this is also why the French version is named Benjamin!)

Wolves of the Beyond: Lone Wolf

I loved the Guardians of Ga’Hoole books as a kid but I never read the Wolves of the Beyond series. This first book was an interesting read, Lasky does a great job creating worlds and societies for the animals that inhabit them. Lone Wolf is about a deformed wolf cub who was abandoned in the wilderness to die. And he would have, if a desperate mother bear, who had recently had her only cub killed, hadn’t stumbled across him and saved him, vowing to raise him as her own...

Petals

A “silent” graphic novel. It has beautiful artwork and is told entirely through pictures, no text at all. It’s loves and heart-wrenching, though it left me feeling somewhat unsatisfied… I felt like there should have been more. Still, a neat story.

The Southern Book Club‘s Guide To Slaying Vampires

What a banger of a novel!! I can’t recommend this one enough. It’s about a group of suburban mothers in the ‘80s who form a book club out of a shared need for community and a love of grisly true crime novels. But when a strange drifter appears in town and starts setting down roots… and when children begin disappearing… these women need to band together to confront the horrors that have invaded their neighbourhood, and face down not only a terrifying monster among them but the patriarchal system that allows it to flourish. To quote the preface:

“Because vampires are the original serial killers, stripped of everything that makes us human — they have no friends, no family, no roots, no children. All they have is hunger. They eat and eat but they’re never full. With this book, I wanted to pit a man freed from all responsibilities but his appetites against women whose lives are shaped by their endless responsibilities. I wanted to pit Dracula against my mom.    As you’ll see, it’s not a fair fight.“

The Weirn Books: Be Wary of the Silent Woods

I love Chmakova’s graphic novels, though I’ve only ever read her slice-of-life middle grade series before. This one is pure fantasy and very fun. It’s about two cousin “weirns” — witches with demon familiars — who attend the local night school. Things get strange though when an ominous figure appears outside the old, abandoned school house deep in the Silent Woods, and begins tempting children down its path…

I’m very much looking forward to word of a second book and was honestly kind of surprised that I haven’t heard more about this book given how popular her other series is. This has all the same charm and quirks but for those of us who prefer stories based in fantasy rather than reality.

And A Bonus...

For some masochistic reason I got a Garfield book out of the library. Jeez, if I didn’t love these as a kid, I found them absolutely laugh out loud hilarious, and now I just don’t see it anymore. But here I will share the one strip in the book that actually made me laugh

[princess-of-the-corner]

I never watched Winx as a kid, so I really hope I don't sound like an idiot for asking this. What exactly does the Netflix Winx series do wrong besides giving it the "dark and gritty" makeover?

So like. There are a lot of problems here and I’ll try to tackle them. I haven’t finished the reboot because I have difficulty getting through things I like, much less things I hate watch. But anyway, this gets long and is separated into parts. 

Let’s start with it’s issues on it’s own and not as an adaptation: 

It’s still pretty garbage. Not ‘the worst thing ever’. Interesting enough. But it does have problems. Some racist and homophobic and fatphobic writing. The characters range from ‘kind of a jerk’ to ‘straight up assholes who will cause physical harm for petty reasons’. The nicest one so far is Terra, but even she kinda snaps and strangles a guy with her plant powers. 

Now on to things it fails on as an adaptation!

First, the whitewashing!

Of the six main characters, 3/6 were poc-coded in the original cartoon(I say ‘coded’ because they’re not Humans from Earth but still). Aisha is black, Flora is Latina, and Musa is Chinese. 

Aisha is the only one who remains black. I’ve heard varying testimonies on Musa’s actor, but the ‘best’ I’ve heard is that she’s 1/4 Singaporean and white passing. I don’t have the authority to say if that’s in the clear or not so I’m leaving that to other fans. 

Flora gets the worst though. They cast a white woman to play her. Then backtracked and said ‘oh, this isn’t Flora. We replaced her with her white cousin Terra’. Yeah you can see the problem there. 

Characters they got rid of entirely! I’ll only discuss characters that showed up in the first two seasons of the original show since Fate only has one season. (I’d say just the first, but they included Aisha who is from Season 2). 

Let’s see. They got rid of Tecna, one of the main six girls. It’s likely because they’re going for a more ‘bootleg Hogwarts’ vibe, and Tecna’s magic being heavily technology based ruins that. So she’s just tossed altogether. 

The boys! Oh my god my boys! Sky and Riven are the only ones who were kept in, while Brandon, Timmy and Helia got scrapped and replaced as well. The other boys like Dane and Sam? Totally could’ve just given them those names and been done with it. 

Then there’s Icy, Darcy and Stormy! I’m counting them together because that’s exactly what Fate did! The three Witches are villains in the series, and instead of keeping a trio, they combined her into a single character. Beatrix. 

I think Silva was also an amalgamation of the remaining Headmaster/Headmistresses and a few other staff members but considering they condensed it to just one school it kind of makes sense. 

Sometimes there’s just a name change like the Headmistress of Alfea was changed to Farah Dowling instead of Faragonda which is so pointless. 

Overall there’s other minor characters that don’t show up, like the rest of the school staff, Mirta and Lucy, so on and so forth. But I’m less upset about that. Still upset though because I love them. 

Personality changes! And romance drama!

Oh boy. Oh boy oh boy oh boy. 

I already mentioned how they made everyone an asshole in this reboot. In the original show, the only protagonist that was consistently a jerk was Riven, but he was more of the ‘grumpy but still a good guy’ type of asshole. 

Let’s compare just one character and her relationships to others!

Stella in the Original Cartoon: Preppy and sometimes a little vain, could be blunt to the point of insulting, but never malicious. Very sweet and loves her friends. She and Bloom are best friends, Stella having been the one to bring Bloom into the world of Magix and will do everything she can to make sure she’s safe. Stella’s love interest is Brandon, who is bffs with Bloom’s love interest Sky. Stella and Brandon are very cheesy and cute together. They aren’t usually jealous, and can even make a competition out of ‘how many phone numbers can I get?’. 

Stella in Fate: Total bitch to all her roommates. She’s getting the common ‘my mom’s a bitch who puts pressure on me so I’m going to be a bitch’ thing that’s become popular now. Since Brandon was deleted, they put her in a love triangle with Bloom and Sky, Sky being Stella’s ex bf. And despite breaking up with him, Stella sees him just talking to Bloom and decides ‘Hm. Let’s prey on her insecurities that she doesn’t belong here, and manipulate her into leaving!’ Which includes walking through a forest where there was recently a man attacked and viscously killed by some kind of monster, so I’m putting it up to attempted murder. 

Yeah. Everyone’s kind of like that. It’s awful. 

Bloom’s backstory and parents!

Okay, this can kind of fall under both ‘personality changes’ and ‘plot changes’ but it deserves it’s own section. 

In the Original Cartoon, Bloom’s home kingdom was attacked and destroyed by villains searching for something called the Dragon Flame. Bloom was a baby with said power, so her older sister sent her to Earth, a world without Magic, where she would be safe and hidden. Mike and Vanessa find her and adopt her, loving her and raising her very well. They are good parents. Bloom learns she has powers when she meets Stella, and instinctively uses Magic to protect her. 

In Fate, the only thing really the same is that Bloom was sent to Earth. I’m a little unclear on why, but instead of giving her loving adoptive parents, they made her a Changeling with emotionally abusive parents! Let me elaborate a little: Instead of adopting Bloom of their own free will, Mike and Vanessa’s real child died in the hospital and was secretly replaced with Bloom. Her parents are also, as mentioned, emotionally abusive. So much so that Fate!Bloom’s powers first manifested by setting them on fire in the middle of the night.

Fun. Ain’t it? 

Now onto plot points!

Again, pretty much the only thing the same is ‘Bloom discovers she has Magic, goes to another Dimension to learn at a school called Alfea. Gets into adventures with her Roomates while trying to figure out where she’s really from’. 

The whole ‘Burned ones’ were.... not a thing at all. There wasn’t any kind of ‘barrier’ to keep out ‘dangerous creatures’ or anything. 

I’m not going to go over every single subplot but that was just. No. They were easily allowed to go outside the school. 

The whole vibe

This is a big thing to talk about. While the reboot went for ‘dark and gritty’ over the bright colors and sparkles, it also went for ‘bootleg Hogwarts’ instead of anything interesting. 

In the reboot, the merging of Magic and Technloogy is mostly like. ‘Yeah we go to school in this old ass castle and we don’t use guns in weaponry class, but we have smartphones and social media and Harry Potter!”. 

In the Original??? The whole world was very Magitech. It was a combination of Magic and Scifi! Kinda Steven Universe style actually. 

The transformations!!!

Look. LOOK. Winx Club is a Magical Girl show! They have those beautiful transformation sequences that last a solid minute or so of screen time. And they also have like. At least one new Transformation a Season, which comes with an ungodly amount of different cool outfits. 

The reboot? One transformation sequence. And while the effects are nice, Bloom doesn’t even get a new outfit. Just a few flames coming off her that look vaguely like wings. 

SPEAKING OF! They are Faeries!!!! But they don’t have wings????? What????

Look idgaf about your effects budget you could’ve made the cheesiest shit like the live action Sailor Moon stuff and fans would’ve loved it!

Bonus: The fact that they didn’t have to change anything to make it ‘Dark’!

So like. Netflix decided to take all the color out of it, and make it ‘dark’ by having the characters smoke and drink and have sex and say swears. 

But they.... really didn’t have to! The original cartoon was plenty dark, despite it’s colorful aesthetic! If you wanted to do a more serious reboot, you could have easily done it by focusing more on those aspects. 

Hell, there are many fans who have done it. I’m one. I know a couple others as well. 

anyway it’s 2:30 am and this is long af so I’ll leave it at that. 

[grailfinders]

Fate and Phantasms #99: Queen Medb

Today on Fate and Phantasms we’re making the queen of Connacht and queen bitch of Chaldea, Queen Medb! (Pronounced Mae-ve) Medb is plenty charming in her own right, but unlike other charm-heavy servants like Stheno and Mata Hari you’re skilled with a riding crop and come packing some goodies from your various lovers as well.

Check out Medb’s build breakdown below the cut, or her character sheet over here!

Up next: The big 100!

Race and Background

Some people think you’re the incarnation of a god, but we’re going to keep things simple and canon compliant and make you a Human instead for +1 to all ability scores. Like many other servants, you’re also a Noble, gaining proficiency in History and Persuasion. This also makes it a lot easier for you to hobnob with other nobles at social gatherings. There is no party like a Medb party, because a party without you in it isn’t really a party at all.

Ability Scores

Make your Charisma as high as possible- it’s your spellcasting modifier and also you’re just good at it anyway. Second is Constitution to help you keep up with Fergus. Dexterity comes after that, the closest thing to a riding crop in D&D is a whip, and that’s a finesse weapon. You’re a clever girl, so keep that Intelligence on the positive side. Your Strength isn’t that high, but you have other people to do that for you. Finally, dump Wisdom. You built your perfect husband, but forgot to include a sex drive. No, I will not let you live that down.

Class Levels

1. Fighter 1: Don’t worry, the obvious class is coming. This just gives you more health, and the starting proficiencies work for you anyway. Speaking of, starting as a fighter gives you proficiency in Strength and Constitution saves, as well as two fighter skills, like Acrobatics and Insight. You’re very flexible, and you can read the room. You don’t care about the room, but you can still read it. You also get the Dueling fighting style to make your whip a slightly less bad idea, and you can use your Second Wind as a bonus action to heal yourself once per short rest. You’ve got to be able to get your beauty sleep in, no matter what you’re doing at the time.

2. Bard 1: Despite the lack of a musical instrument, I don’t think this is coming too far out of left field. Multiclassing gives you and additional skill proficiency; grab Performance for roughly the same reasons as Fergus. You can also give Bardic Inspiration to your adoring braves as a bonus action, adding 1d6 to an attack roll, check, or save of their choice within the next 10 minutes. You’re a giver, what can we say? You have a number of them per long rest equal to your charisma modifier.

You can also cast Spells, using Charisma as your casting ability. Grab Friends and Vicious Mockery to have the full range of social encounters available as cantrips. You also get leveled spells though, we’ll have to go over those as well. Grab Heroism and Charm Person to empower your braves and add new ones to the fold. You also get Earth Tremor thanks to Fergus letting you borrow his sword for a bit and Cure Wounds to protect your Golden Rule.

3. Fighter 2: Second level fighters get an Action Surge, letting you add an extra action to your turn once per short rest. Your time is valuable, so treat it like it is.

4. Fighter 3: Third level fighters get a martial specialty, like the Echo Knight. This lets you Manifest Echo as a bonus action to create an Echo near you that you can switch places with as a bonus action, attack from their position whenever you would attack, or make attacks of opportunity from their position by spending your reaction as usual. The echos only have one HP, but you always have reserves. Yes, technically they’re all copies of you, not your braves, but I’m sure a bit of reflavoring is fine.

While your echo is out, you can also Unleash Incarnation when you make an attack action to make an additional attack from your echo. You can use this a number of times per long rest equal to your constitution modifier.

5. Fighter 4: For your first Ability Score Improvement, pick up the Defensive Duelist feat to add your proficiency bonus to your AC as a reaction when attacked. Your armor may be light, but you’re really good with that riding crop.

6. Fighter 5: As a reward to making it to fighter level five, you can now make an Extra Attack each time you attack as an action. You can still only Unleash Incarnation once per action, but that still means you’re up to three attacks per turn until they run out.

7. Bard 2: Popping back over to bard for a bit makes you a Jack of All Trades, adding half your proficiency bonus to checks you aren’t proficient in. Rocking people aren’t bad at stuff, and you definitely rock, Queen Medb. You can also perform a Song of Rest over short rests, adding 1d6 to healing done during them. Your inspiration also becomes Magical Inspiration. Inspired creatures can now add their inspiration die to magical damage and healing, boosting a spell’s effect on a single creature.

Speaking of spells, you also pick up Identify as a gift from King Conchobar. I’m not entirely sure how one gives people their clairvoyance, but I guess he’s figured that out well enough.

8. Bard 3: Third level bards graduate from college, and like the charmers before you you’ll also graduate from the College of Glamour. This gives you a Mantle of Inspiration that you can make as a bonus action by spending a use of Bardic Inspiration. When you do so, a number of creatures up to your charisma modifier gain temporary HP and can react to move without causing attacks of opportunity. Some people are so pretty it hurts, but you’re so pretty it prevents damage. 

Your Expertise doubles your proficiency bonus for Performance and Persuasion checks, making you very persuasive, as well as very “persuasive”.

You can also make an Enthralling Performance, charming a number of creatures that fail a wisdom save after making a performance of at least 1 minute. This charms lasts up to an hour, and creatures that succeed on their saving throw can’t tell you tried to charm them. You can use this once per short rest.

Speaking of Enthralling, did you know Enthrall was a spell? It is! Any charmable creatures within hearing distance that you choose must make a wisdom save, and on a failure, they have disadvantage on perception checks to notice any creature other than you. The spell lasts up to a minute if you can keep talking for that long. You always thought you were the center of the universe, but now a lot of people will agree with you.

9. Bard 4: Use this ASI for the Slasher feat! Dealing slashing damage causes a target creature to lose 10′ of speed on their next turn, and critical slashes force the target to make their next turn’s attacks at a disadvantage. Like I said, you’re really good with that riding crop.

You also get the Dancing Lights cantrip for a bit of a lightshow, and the Shatter spell as another gift from Fergus.

10. Bard 5: Fifth level bards see their Bardic Inspiration increase to d8s, and they become a Font of Inspiration, meaning your inspiration replenishes on short rests rather than long ones. The amount of temporary HP given by your Mantle increases at this level too.

One last gift from King Conchobar nets you the Clairvoyance spell, letting you see or hear a location of your choosing that is either familiar to you or obvious (such as behind a door you can see). 

11. Fighter 6: I think you should be charming enough for a while. Back in fighter, you get another ASI, and it’s one we’ll finally use to improve the score of an ability. Bump up your Charisma for better spells, tougher saves, and more Inspiration.

12. Fighter 7: Seventh level Echo Knights can make an Echo Avatar, using your action to see and hear through your echo. You can do this for 10 minutes at a time, and while this is happening they can move up to 1,000 feet away from you. You’re typically a bit too in the limelight for spy shenanigans, but it never hurts to have some flexibility.

13. Fighter 8: Use this ASI to round up your Dexterity and Constitution for more health, more incarnation unleashing, a higher AC, and a stronger whip. A good level all around for you!

14. Fighter 9: You’re now Indomitable, meaning you can re-roll a failed saving throw once per long rest. Now your wisdom score is slightly less of an issue! ...Congrats?

15. Fighter 10: Thanks to Shadow Martyr your braves are now as expendable as they should be. When a creature you can see would be attacked, you can use your reaction to teleport your echo within 5′ of them and have them take the attack instead. You can use this feature once per short rest. Darn unions.

16. Bard 6: Our braves are nice, but I think we should take a couple “me” levels. Sixth level bards get Countercharm, eating your action to give nearby creatures advantage against being charmed or frightened. You also get a new mantle, the Mantle of Majesty. When activated and each turn afterwards as a bonus action you can cast Command without spending a spell slot. Creatures charmed by you automatically fail the save to be commanded. You can use this once per long rest, and you have to use your concentration to keep it up, but you can literally turn a gaggle of men into your slaves while this is active. Or women, we won’t judge here.

You also learn how to cast Leomund’s Tiny Hut for some “private time” with up to nine other medium or smaller creatures. It’s not quite your chariot, but it’ll do in a pinch.

17. Bard 7: At seventh level of bard you get fourth level spells, like Compulsion, which can force creatures you see in range of the spell to move to your tune if they fail a wisdom save. I’m pretty sure “towards me” can technically count as a direction for this spell. Check with your DM about that.

18. Bard 8: Use your last ASI to maximize your Charisma for the most inspiration and strongest charms. Speaking of, you also get Charm Monster this level. I know we just made a humanoid build for Cu Alter, but there’s a pretty good chance he’d be a monstrosity if he showed up as an NPC, so we should take that into account.

19. Bard 9: Ninth level bards have a stronger song of rest, as well as fifth level spells. Your Geas forces a creature to make a wisdom save, and on a fail they’re forced to obey a command for 30 days. Once per day, disobeying your geas deals 5d10 psychic damage for a bit of encouragement. Remember when I said you were so pretty you prevented damage? I lied. You’re definitely so pretty it hurts.

20. Bard 10: Your capstone level gives you an even stronger Inspiration, a round of Magical Secrets, and another round of Expertise. Double up on Insight and Acrobatics for a little more flexibility, both socially and physically.

You get two spells this level, from any spell list you want. (You also get another cantrip, grab Prestidigitation for the hell of it.) Dominate Person gives you a much more fine-tuned control over your braves than your other spells, and Conjure Woodland Beings grants you a way to summon even more braves to the battlefield, as long as you’re okay with your braves being fey creatures. 

Pros:

You’re very charming, and I mean that in every sense of the word. A maxed out charisma stat, expertise in persuasion, and plenty of charming spells means that you stand a pretty good chance of defeating a lot of your problems without ever throwing a punch.

Unlike other charm-heavy builds, you’re also pretty good when the punches start flying! Echos are great at covering the battlefield, and when you add your whip’s range to that, plus your conjured braves, and it’s going to be really hard to avoid your influence in a fight. You can also affect the flow of battle, slowing down creatures with your whip and keeping them at arm’s length the entire fight.

Not only are you good at charming, but your spells specialize in affecting large groups. Enthrall and Compulsion don’t have an upper limit of creatures you can target, so you’ll be even stronger against larger armies. Just as long as a lone, dashing spearman doesn’t show up, your victory is assured.

Cons:

Whips are good for covering ground, but not so much for dealing damage. Sorry, 1d4 just isn’t very powerful.

You have one use of Indomitable later into the build, but your low Wisdom means you’ll probably be using it to avoid someone else’s charms. Building your own army is fun, but turning it on the rest of the party after one bad roll is probably going to cause some problems.

Most of these builds end up with too much to do in their bonus action, but you have to deal with crowded reactions instead. You can make attacks of opportunity, defend yourself with your whip, or defend your allies with your braves. You’ll also always have to weigh the current situation to every later turn between now and your next turn. Nobody ever said it was easy being queen.

[monstersdownthepath]

Spiritual Spotlight: Angazhan, the Ravenous King

Chaotic Evil Demon Lord of Apes, Tyrants, and Jungles

Domains: Animal, Chaos, Evil, Plant Subdomains: Decay, Demon, Fur, Growth

The Complete Book of the Damned, pg. 18~19

Obedience: Ingest hallucinogenic jungle plants and then beat a complex rhythm on a large drum made of human skin and bones while chanting prayers to Angazhan. Benefit: Gain a +4 profane bonus on saving throws against diseases and poisons caused by exposure to the jungle or inflicted by creatures native to jungles.

Heurgh, Angazhan has some pretty restrictive requirements here, and his Benefit really only works against a single environment, making Angazhan one of the most environmentally-locked deities since Dagon! It’s fitting, considering Angazhan is basically only worshiped in Darkest Africa the Mwangi Expanse, a massive and terrifying jungle he’s had his six-fingered hands buried deep into ever since humanity began settling the land. Since worship rarely ever leaves a jungle home, any player character wanting to serve the Ravenous King had better make sure they’ll be sticking close to the vine-draped homeland, or they’re just completely out of luck! Not just because they lose out on the benefit above, but because they lose out on a good number of Boons too!

anyway, it’s a difficult alignment to set up for and keep a secret, if you’re trying to hide your worship of the Tyrant King. You COULD pass off the drum as being made of animal tissues, but the loud chanting to a known and famous Demon Lord and the fact you’re likely to be seeing stars and colors due to your Hearty Breakfast is much harder to explain if someone kicks your door in. The fact you need both jungle drugs and a drum means this Obedience is utterly ruined if you get robbed or have your equipment stolen, though at the very least it’s easy enough to replace your belongings... if you’re in a jungle. If you’re not, getting a new drum is simple, but a visit to the black market may be necessary to restock on your Hearty Breakfast.

The benefit is notably weaker than other benefits of a similar theme; a few deities are generous enough to give universal protections from poison and disease, but Angazhan punishes you for going where he cannot tread. Fitting for a tyrant who likes having people under his thumb, but annoying for someone trying to actually extend his reach. In a jungle area, however, it’s MUCH more impressive than it looks in a vacuum; many, many, many, MANY horrors within the deep and mysterious tangles rely on poisons or disease to fell their enemies and their prey, so the added protection will always come in handy!

Boons are acquired slowly: the first once you reach 12 hit dice, the second at 16, and the third at 20. However, the Evangelist, Exalted, and Sentinel Prestige Classes can be entered as early as level 7; doing so grants you the Boons at levels 10, 13, and 16 instead. Servants of demons may also take the Demoniac Prestige Class; you don’t get the Boons any faster than E/E/S, but you may select which Boon set you get, and you get cool demon-related powers!

------- EVANGELIST -------

Boon 1: The Jungle Consumes. Gain Pass Without Trace 3/day, Tree Shape 2/day, or Spike Growth 1/day.

‘Consumes’ indeed; Spike Growth can render a frankly offensive amount of terrain completely inhospitable (ten 20ft squares!), shredding 1d4 HP off every creature trying to pass through a single 5ft square and threatening to halve their movement speed for a full day every time they take damage. As anyone who’s played as or fought against a Druid can attest to, Spike Growth is useful for exactly two things (slowing an enemy’s retreat or advance) but it’s amazing at doing so. The sheer amount of terrain the spell covers and the length of time it covers for (an hour per level) makes useful for stopping everything from a charging dragon to a charging army... provided your foe has less than 4 DR. In order to halve someone’s movespeed they need to actually take damage from the growth AND fail a Reflex save, meaning even the meager DR 5 you’re likely to encounter at levels 10+ is enough to make Spike Growth completely irrelevant.

If you can use it against a foe who’s not immune to it, though, it’s absolutely stellar. Moving through even a single 20ft square triggers four separate Reflex saves to avoid having one’s movespeed halved for a full day, and--as written--the halved speed can’t be undone with Fast Healing or Regeneration, the victim MUST find a Cure spell. Perhaps the biggest downside is that using it to its fullest potential--that is, to cripple a charging swarm of foes--is unlikely to happen, delegating it to crowd control versus a small amount of enemies.

It’s leagues better than the niche Tree Shape, but Pass Without Trace also has its merits, hiding up to 10 people from sniffing noses and prying eyes for half a day, letting you and your allies effortlessly vanish into the foliage. Indeed, all three of these spells are extremely useful in the jungle setting Angazhan demands you remain in, so if you ARE actually hiding around in the Mwangi Expanse, all three of these can be genuine picks depending on if you plan to be a trapper, a stalker, or a sentree that day.

Boon 2: Canopy Crawler. Your feet become prehensile and apelike, allowing them to act as a second pair of hands for every purpose except wielding a shield or weapon, such as to execute somatic components, to aid in climbing, to hold objects, and to maintain your Dexterity bonus to AC while climbing. In addition, you gain a climb speed equal to your walking speed +10, and can attempt a Climb check in place of the following checks: Acrobatics checks to swing or leap between branches and vines; Stealth checks to remain hidden within trees, and you can move at full speed through them without penalty; and Stealth checks to snipe from trees, the penalty for doing so reduced by 10. 

The way this ability is written in the book is kind of a mess, so I tried my best to shuffle it into a more easily digestible form.

Anyway: Freaky monkey feet! For all your freaky monkey feet needs! One of the more unique Boons in the game, and unlike most highly unique Boons, this one is still highly useful! While your handfeet can’t wield weapons or shields, you can use them for more or less anything else while your actual human hands are occupied. Sleight of Hand? No, my friend, I’m on a completely different level.

The big star here is the free climb speed, which automatically gives you a meaty +8 to Climb checks, making the various skill checks it replaces much, much easier to exploit. You become an expert of gorilla... guerrilla... Gorilla Guerrilla Warfare, soundlessly moving from tree to tree and hurling spears or firing arrows with nary a peep but for the whoosh of the weapon through the branches and leaves, moving from position to position as easily as playing hopscotch. Even if you never invested in Stealth at all, you can suddenly pour ranks into Climb and become an ersatz Rogue for the party, leading a silent charge against the foes of the Ravenous King’s cult. 

Side note, this ability combines beautifully with all 3 of the spell-likes from The Jungle Consumes, as your brachiating movements put you above Spike Growth, Pass Without Trace makes you utterly impossible to nonmagically track if you attack at night, and Tree Shape lets you become a horror movie villain that vanishes the instant it appears you’re about to be ‘caught.’

Boon 3: One With The Jungle. While in the jungle, you gain blindsight to a range of 60 feet, you gain a +2 insight bonus to AC and on saving throws, and you are never flat-footed or surprised. You ignore cover and concealment caused by natural features of the jungle, as the very plants and stones twist out of the path of your attacks and spells.

An eternal Diet Foresight if your reward for remaining in the Ravener King’s grip, but this ability--unlike Canopy Crawler--is entirely blank if you adventure outside of your god’s chosen locale, a punishing loss of an otherwise incredibly strong defensive ability. Being impossible to catch by surprise is good enough on its own, especially at levels where enemies can have Sneak Attacks exceeding +4d6, poisons that cause people to hemorrhage ability scores, or fatal grappling embraces, to say nothing of what happens if a spellcaster gets the drop on everyone. The +2 to AC and universal bonus to saving throws will struggle to make a difference, but it’s a rare insight bonus and will thus stack with all your existing bonuses... and, of course, it lasts forever so long as you remain in a jungle.

I enjoy that the jungle will shuffle aside to let you shoot and swat your enemies without penalty, making my ‘treetop sniper’ suggestion in Canopy Crawler even more viable. Now, as long as you can see even the smallest portion of your target, the natural world will bend and sway to avoid your blows so that they always strike true, letting you attack enemies without the possibility of them retaliating unless they begin cutting down the whole jungle... at which point they’ll have much bigger issues than just you.

------- EXALTED -------

Boon 1: Jungle’s Wrath. Entangle 3/day, Bull’s Strength 2/day, or Summon Monster III (1 fiendish ape, 1d3 fiendish advanced baboons, or 1d4+1 fiendish baboons) 1/day.

Bull’s Strength is always nice to have to give the beefy members of your party, giving them an extra +2 to attack and damage rolls for ten or so minutes at a time, among other bonuses. Strength bonuses are some of the most boring but practical things you can hand out, because you never know when you’ll just need to do something as simple as moving a large rock or hit something for 2 more points of damage than normal. Having it at twice a day means it’ll likely carry through the most important battles or puzzles you’ll face.

Entangle, however, tends to be the better option here. See everything I said above about Spike Growth? Paste that here, as well, but trade off the damage for the ability to grapple everything trying to move through the 40ft radius(!) of plantlife you’ve affected. In some ways it’s better than Spike Growth, utterly halting the movement of anyone heading through it if they fail their save rather than halving it, and being difficult terrain even if the victims succeed, which halves their speed anyway.

Seeing summoning abilities on a Boon is usually good, but the painful limitation of only being able to summon various demon apes means it severely lacks its normal Swiss Army application. It’s only really good if you need either a distraction, or something heavy moved, both of which could be accomplished with Entangle and Bull’s Strength without it being tied to a creature with subhuman intelligence. At the very least, apes have humanoid hands and can thus perform tasks very few other summoned creatures could do, such as wielding weapons.

Boon 2: Summon Child of Angazhan. 1/day as a swift action, you can summon an Advanced Fiendish Girallon, 1d3 Advanced Fiendish Dire Apes, or 1d4+1 Advanced Fiendish Apes as if you had cast Summon Monster VI.

In spite of my mockery of the Boon above, the ape restriction here is anything but painful. ... well, it’s painful for anyone who’s not you, mind. An Advanced Fiendish Girallon is a CR 8 monstrosity with enough damage output and resilience from the Fiendish template to punch above its weight class. A Girallon is a four-armed, Large-sized ape beast with five attacks (and Rend!) a round, with enough agility and maneuverability to run down fleeing foes or chase them through just about any terrain easily.

It’s also your best option among the summons; the Dire Apes and normal apes are nice, but the chance of summoning a single Dire Ape or a meager 2 fiend apes means a Girallon is the best go-to unless you need a lot of bodies rather than one large one. The Fiendish template is really what gives this ability the oomph it needs to shrug off most of my criticism of Jungle’s Wrath, granting even your normal apes a bit of Spell Resistance and elemental resistance to Fire and Acid... though, notable, both the normal ape and the Dire Ape have too few HD to gain the advanced benefits of the Fiendish template, and none of the creatures here have high enough Charisma to make the Smite Good ability granted to them useful, even with the +4 to all ability scores from Advanced.

Perhaps the biggest gold star this power has, however, is the fact that it can be used as a swift action. You can instantaneously flank an enemy with a murderous gorilla and then stab them in the back when they rightly turn around to look at said murderous gorilla in disbelief, or you can blast them with another spell, or you can do any number of other things with the distraction you’ve just created. Don’t forget that Summon Monster VI also has a range of Close, letting you hurl a demon gorilla at an enemy from 25+5ft/lvl away. The downside, however, is that SMVI also has a duration of a meager 1 round/lvl, meaning you’ll often run into the issue of saving the use of this ability, often until you no longer need it.

Boon 3: Jungle’s Might. You gain a +2 profane bonus to your Strength score and a +2 bonus on Fortitude saving throws.

Useful but boring. It’s moderately better than most stat-buffing Boons thanks to the additional Fortitude bonus, but final Boons typically give +4 bonuses, not +2. There’s no flash or pizazz here, nothing to really expand upon, so lets move on!

------- SENTINEL -------

Boon 1: Tyrant’s Roar. Gain Command 3/day, Sound Burst 2/day, or Suggestion 1/day.

I almost got mad because I mistook Sound Burst for a different, much worse spell. Nope! That was sonic scream or whatever, one I’m so unimpressed with I didn’t even bother looking it up. Sound Burst is significantly better, anyway, able to stun a small crowd of enemies in a single casting, which is exactly what you--as the Sentinel--want to happen. Either because you’re holding back an enemy(/ies) for your allies to get into place, or because you’re holding them still so you can get in close. The damage it deals is pitiful, but it’s automatic even if they succeed against the stun effect, and you never know when 8 damage to up to a crowd will make a difference!

Like most of Angazhan’s blessings, it gets better if you’re in a jungle, as the hostility of the Mwangi Expanse means invaders are likely to be clustered together as tightly as possible to prevent attacks from all angles. Punish them, hard.

Command is in-character for the Tyrant King, and it rewards creative uses beyond the ‘come,’ ‘stay,’ and ‘drop’ commands, though those serve their purpose well enough. I’m quite partial to KNEEL, which fits Angazhan rather well! The only problem is that its low saving throw scaling means it’s unlikely to affect enemies that matter, and in combat it’s often much better to just rush in and start slapping. Out of combat Suggestion is king, though it’s an odd choice for someone who tends to force people to follow his orders through violence and threats rather than relying on coercive and subtle magic. Personally, I’d let the Face of the party or the dedicated enchanter rely on Suggestion, and carry Sound Burst around for those times you need to explode people’s eardrums.

Boon 2: Reign of Terror. You add your Strength modifier to Intimidate checks (this does not stack with Intimidating Prowess or similar feats and abilities) as well as your Charisma modifier. Once per minute, you may use Intimidate to demoralize a single creature within 30ft as a swift action, or all creatures within 10ft as a move action. When using Intimidate to demoralize a creature in this way, if your result exceeds the DC by 5 or more, the creature is frightened for 1 round and then shaken for the normal duration; if your result exceeds the DC by 10 or more, the creature cowers for 1 round, then is frightened for 1 round, and then is shaken for the normal duration. When you use Intimidate to demoralize an ally, instead of being shaken, that creature gains a +2 morale bonus on attack rolls for the appropriate duration.

While normally Boons are built to be taken advantage of by any class within the margins of those who can enter the Prestige Classes in the first place, sometimes you get one that forces you into a specific path. This one highly, highly rewards having both a high Strength and a high (or at least neutral) Charisma, and focusing a feat or two into making your Intimidate as high as possible can see you sending squadrons of enemy combatants scattering and trampling one another to get away from you. I love, love, LOVE that there’s no per-day use restriction on this power, only that it can be used once per minute, meaning you can bring it out in more or less every fight you encounter.

Exceeding the victim’s Intimidation DC by 10 or more causes them to cower, a status affliction barely above paralysis in how terrible it is to be suffering, opening them up to a whole round of being beat on without any ability to retaliate. Even if they survive the round of helplessness, they’re forced to run from you and use whatever resources they have available to get as far away from you as possible... which can be a blessing or a curse depending on what they were carrying and how badly you wanted it.

Being able to Intimidate a single foe as a swift action or a whole crowd surrounding you as a move action is strong, especially if you can bolster your prowess enough to always score 10 higher than their DC (a challenge, but not an insurmountable one)... And even if your enemies are immune to being intimidated either because they’re mindless, starved, or immune to fear, you can use this ability to give your whole team +2 to attack rolls for 4+ rounds. It’s more of a consolation prize than anything else, but note that the final sentence does not say “in this way,” meaning you can use Intimidate normally without needing the 1/minute bolstering to give your allies a bit more accuracy! Wasteful, but viable!

Boon 3: Unchallenged Tyrant. When you perform your Obedience, designate a number of present and willing creatures equal to your Charisma modifier; these are your Thralls. This designation lasts for 24 hours or until you next perform your Obedience. 3/day, you can infuse all Thralls within 50 feet of you as a swift action, granting them a +4 bonus to their Strength and Constitution scores and a +2 bonus on initiative checks, and granting any teamwork feats you have as bonus feats *for an number of rounds equal to your hit dice. If a Thrall dies within 50 feet of you at any time, you gain the effects of Death Ward (CL = half the Thrall’s Hit Dice, to a maximum of CL 20th).

*this ability originally had no listed duration, making it quite awkward and insanely powerful. I’ve added one that makes sense.

Oh, not bad! Another reward for buffing up your Charisma! Even if it’s just to a +2 bonus! And it’s a fine one, too, letting you enchant your allies with a discounted Barbarian Rage, including a bonus to initiative checks to help them move before your enemies even know what’s happening! THREE TIMES a day!!! And--wait, wait, there’s more? You also transfer ALL your teamwork feats to your Thralls? Teamwork feats are pretty powerful but wholly rely on your allies being willing to give up their own feat slots for them, and they utterly fail to work if you aren’t working together or become separated by enemy shenanigans. This ability (along with the Inquisitor’s Solo Tactics) turns those empty feat slots into something truly game-changing due to applying them to all of your Thralls at once. This means that, even if you don’t or cannot join in the fight, they can still use teamwork with each other, and all you need is one of them to be nearby to make use of feats like Lookout (if one of you can act during the surprise round, all of you can), Precise Strikes (+1d6 damage if you’re flanking an enemy)... or, perhaps the most useful of them, Coordinated Charge, allowing you and your allies to all charge the same target.

It doesn’t take a genius to see why Coordinated Charge is one of the best you can use with this ability, as the +Strength and Con bonus means you can turn even the weakest member of the party into another source of damage however small. It also means all of your melee battlers can get into the fray immediately, and if used in combination with Lookout, it can turn an enemy ambush into a pile of severed limbs and broken armor before they even realize what they’re up against.

I also like that if any of your Thralls die, you get a free Death Ward. If you know you’re going up against a necromancer or an Undead with Energy Drain, making an incredibly weak but tasty-looking creature one of your Thralls and sending them in to die is one less spell slot your Divine caster needs to use on you. I’m amused by the idea of blessing one member of your Sack Of Rats and just crushing it in your hand if you ever need a ward. If you have the Charisma for it, definitely try it out!

You can enter Monkis World here.