#blackguard

[coolthingsguyslike]

[howlingday]

Bleiss: Now then... With all of my chores done, I wonder what I should do today.

Jaune: Whatever it is, could you please not bother me for a while?

Bleiss: Oh, darling, you know that's not going to happen! Snu snu is on the menu tonight~!

Jaune: Sending her here was what you wanted all along, wasn't it, Mom? I already told you, I'm not giving you any grandkids right now!

Mama Arc: (Voice in the wind) The flesh is like water, my son; a man must quench his thirst before he dies of drought~.

Jaune: DROUGHT DOESN'T GIVE YOU CHILD SUPPORT, MOTHER!

[rwby-encrusted-blog]

please... i beg of thee, more bleiss content, either fluffy, funny or angst or anything.... im dyoing ove here

Jaune: Thanks for helping me cook Whitley! You're a heck of a lot better than your sisters!

Whitley: Oh, it's no problem. I needed something to do with my time aside from sitting around the manor, and Cooking was as good a skill as any to learn.

Jaune: *Ruffling his hair* I mean it! Thanks!

Whitley: *Feeling genuine affection from outside his family for the first time ever* Oh.

~~~~~

Bleiss: ... Someone's got the hots for my Darling, and someone's ruining my Baby Brother's innocence.

Bleiss: Someone's going to die tonight.

[rwac96]

Father's Day Surprise (Blackguard)

Bleiss: "Happy Father's Day, Darling~!"

Jaune: *blinks in confusion* "Bleiss, I'm not a fath--."

Bleiss: *holds up a positive pregnancy test* "As I said, Happy Father's Day, Darling~."

Jaune: *mouth open agape* "Oh, Brothers..."

Bleiss: *hugs Jaune* "I'm so happy you didn't wrap it up when we fucked~."

[misterlazer]

Bleiss is a vegan

@caspianjupiter helped

Bleiss: I'd rather date someone who fucks like an animal than someone who eats them.

Jaune: Uhhhhhh-

Bleiss: Wait, FUCK. I mean, I'd rather date someone who fucks animals than someone who eats them.

Jaune: I don't think that makes it any b-

Bleiss: And I'm an animal.

[reashot]

Ruby: *sniffs* 😢

Jaune: I-I don't think we should do this Bleiss.

Bleiss: *already naked on top of Jaune* What! But we're already naked! And besides didn't you said that you wanted more "spice" in your relationship?

Jaune: Not like this! I said I wanted us to go out on more dates.

Ruby: You did? But I thought you're bored of being with me? 😥

Jaune: I would never be bored of being together with you Ruby. I-I love you so much...

Ruby: Oh Jaune... Me too. 😭

Bleiss: I'm starting to think I'm the one that's getting cucked.

[incorrectsmashbrosquotes]

Elden Ring is a Comedy Part 1

*Liurnia of the Lakes*

Rya: Oh, Mr. Big Strong Tarnished! I was robbed by another of your kind and if you could go get it back it would be so amazing of you! But... could you oppose another of your own kind?

The Tarnished: Sure.

-Later-

The Tarnished: Yo, can I have the girl's necklace back.

Blackguard: Sure, just gimme some money so I can keep myself fed. Kinda feel bad about robbing her anyway.

Tarnished: Nah, I get it.

Blackguard: Thanks bro. Want some prawns?

Tarnished: Hell yeah.

-Later-

Tarnished: Yo, I got your necklace back.

Rya: OMG, you're so cool and edgy going out and killing another Tarnished like that you must be super hardcore and stuff you should totally join my mom's emo band!

[wu-sisyphus-gang]

Bleiss and Jaune getting salads at a bar.

Bleiss: I’m going to get some meat.

Jaune: Okay.

Bleiss: *grabs him by the groin* You said ‘okay’! That was consent!

[lwde-encrusted-sideblog]

Bliess demanding daddy rusted knight jaune breed her

Bleiss was lightheaded. Her Stud had her in a headlock, her feet dangling above the ground as he rammed into her with his full length, battering against her womb.

RK!Jaune: IS THIS WHAT YOU WANTED?!?!

Bleiss: Hrrrk!

She was floating on a rough cloud of Forceful Pounding and Lack of air, bliss filling her mind as she got Exactly what she wanted

RK!Jaune: Don't Pass out on me! You've got a mess to clean up, and I want you to know right when you become a mother!

Bleiss: *Gurgling*

Her legs were limp, and slick with all that she had cum, the viscous liquid glistening like the stars in her vision.

RK!Jaune: TAKE!

*THWAP*

RK!Jaune: IT!

*THWAP*

RK!Jaune: ALL!

*THWAP*

Bleiss' toes curled, a wild, thick heat pouring into her, as she came one last time, body going fully limp while her eggs were ravaged by Jaune's swimmers. She almost thought she could feel the sperm penetrating her eggs.

Jaune set Bleiss down on the bed (More Gently Than she would've liked, but for the hard fucking he just gave her, it was forgiven) Before standing in front of her.

RK!Jaune: Clean it.

Bleiss began sucking his cock, rapidly regaining hardness due to aura. She continued rubbing her raw pussy, trying to push as much of her spunk back into the wrecked hole.

It was a perfect night ~

[deebeeus]

Q: When is a Telecaster not a Tele? A: When it was made in mid-1951

1951 "Nocaster", photographed with the assistance of @michaelsegui at the 2024 Union Sound "Grand Day Out", organized by @dlott65 and hosted by @chriswstringer8.

[spahhzy]

Jaune looking in the mirror at his stubble.

Jaune: Oh man looks like it's almost that time to shave.

Bleiss: Oh no, c'mere!

Gently grabs his face and tries to kiss him, but Jaune backs up.

Jaune: You DARE?

Bleiss: What?

Jaune: Doth thou not know what month it is?

Bleiss: Stop, not this, no nut bullshit again, it's not a real thing!

Jaune: No! No! No! Your magic spells will not work on me, you witch!

Bleiss sighs feeling a migrain come on.

Jaune: I will not let my brethren down in this holy month of abstinence! *walks away*

Bleiss: We'll see about that (dials scroll)

Bleiss: Neo, it's jaune... our boyfriend is doing it again.

Neo: (is it November already, time flies)

Bliess: Neverending that, we must make him fail at all costs.

Neo: (At all costs you say?)

Bleiss: You heard me.

Bleiss/Neo:

What sort of devilry would these two utterly depraved souls concoct? Will our sweet banana bean Jaune make it through this sacred month?

Who knows!?

[howlingday]

Bleiss: (Outside with Jaune) As much as I want to, I can't let you come inside.

Jaune: I respect that.

Bleiss: (Leans on porch railing) So you can let it out on my back or my feet. (Lifts foot) Your choice~.

Jaune: (Distant) Good night, Bleiss!

[jboy44]

Rusted knight and the dark queen

Upon leaving the market place

Bleiss hugs the knight " darling

Weiss " hay sis

Bleis smacks arc symbol on shield " this is darlings nark so you passed at beacon lesser copy of me

Jaune removes helmet " i time traveled

Rwbys jaw drops ".... "

Bleiss "......😍😍😍😍 daddy

Older bleiss walking in in black kimono crown and pregnant " oh he is younger me

Young bliess " milf cougar pregnant futire me!!!!🤯🤯🤯 i am going to time travel and daddy darling is going to jack hammer babies into me for decades .....BEAT FATE EVER TAKE NE TO THE TIME TRAVEL WHAT EVER I HAVE TO QRITE THE RUSTED KNIGHT DADDY DARLING IT IS MY DESTINY * HAPPY JUMP WEISS DID*

Rwby prosessing time travel real jaune is rusted knight and they are in room with two bleiss

[rwac96]

Bleiss' solution to cheer up Bluby, get fucked by Jaune a threesome with herself. Does it work for her?

(about that...)

Bluby: *eyes Jaune up & down* "Nah."

Bleiss: "What do you mean 'nah'?!"

Bluby: "I don't wanna get involved in your weird and twisted tryst, Bleiss."

Jaune: "Uh, hey...Bleiss, why's there a Blue Ruby?"

Bleiss: *sighs* "Long story, Darling. Blu, you need to get dick!"

Bluby: *shakes her head* "Sorry, Bleiss, I don't feel like being a third wheel in your raunchy sex life."

Bleiss: *groans* "Gawds! Do you even have a type?!"

Bluby: *shrugs her shoulders* "What would be the point? Who would love a color-swap fake?"

Jaune: *worried* "Bleiss, take her to a therapist."

Bleiss: *flutters her eyelashes at Jaune* "Darling--."

Jaune: "An actual therapist!"

[thingsasbarcodes]

The Suicide Squad (2021)

[reashot]

Ruby Just Wants To Talk To Bleiss.

Jaune: I can't believe I am going to say this. But Bleiss... Would you be my girlfriend?

Bleiss: Oh Jaune, you made me so happy~

Jaune: I just wish Ruby won't found out about us finally dating.

Ruby: Must kill Bleiss.... 👹

Weeee....

Must kill Bleiss... 👹

Weee....

Must kill Bleiss.... 👹

Weee....