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lynn-tged-posting · 6 months ago

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tged webtoon ep 154 spoilers n thoughts n all that yeah

HE DID THE THING HE DID THE >:3 THING YESS YAYYYY YAYAYAYAYY HAHAHAHAA

GOD HES SO FUCKING SILLY WAHAHAHA

jesus christ running from the cops every which way LMAO i really like their faces here javier w exasperation and lloyd just. being him

AND THE UGLY COSPLAYER BIT WHAT 😭 HELP LOL?? i guess cosplayers walking around isnt really a common thing in korea idk i feel like. they didnt really commit an offense until lloyd tried bribing that cop guy lol

like it makes me think back to dkc and how michael and the other guy (I FORGOT HIS NAME SORRY) went to seoul for a bit and kind of caused several accidents and i feel like that fits better w getting the cops attention compared to,,, rummaging thru trash? but also i am not familiar w korea's police system! nor do i know their policies on foreigners n whatnot so who am i to say yknow

i also really really wish that besides the cop chasing, we got to see a lil bit more of javier's reaction to seoul and its citizens, the clothing and the culture and how the buildings look, what does he think of them? whats his feelings on an environment so dissimilar to his own, and does he notice anything abt it that reminds him of lloyd and his sudden acquisition of all his knowledge? maybe theres more of that in the webnovel,,, itll be a while before i get there tho unfortunately

anyways thoughts aside more reacting

UUUAGHHHH JAVIER NOTICING EVERY SINGLE TIME LLOYD APPEARS SICK OR UNWELL BUT LLOYD BRUSHING IT OFF. EXPLODES INTO TEN BILLION PIECES. AAGHH AAGHHHH AAGHH screaming crying god that engineer needs a god damn hug

also them in civilian clothes! they look so dorky lmao the hats r super cute tho AND I REALLY LIKE THAT JAVIER HAS GLASSES THATS SO SILLY how can he see though wouldn't it be like vaguely blurry . most glasses are prescription,,, tho they did find this stuff discarded so maybe theyre just,,, decorative??? do people still wear decorative glasses???

i have more thoughts on their attire but it coincides with some thoughts i have for the latter half of this ep so i'll bring it up then!

THE HIGHLIGHT OF THE EPISODE THE MOUNTAIN TRAIL AAGHHH AAAHHH

i started tearing up oh my FUCKING god i feel so insane ohhhhhhhh ohhhhhhh my heart ohhghhh

trying to keep his bluff up all the way through even though he's visibly struggling im gonna throw up im gonna throw up

most if not all the panels in this latter half of the episode make me feel like this so i'll try not to be repetitive and jump straight into my thoughts LMAO

i think the way lloyd is drawn in these panels is really, REALLY well done, and not in just an "oh the art looks good" kind of way, but the choices they make with the posing and the camera angle makes me feel insane

because the moment we cut to the shot where they're on the trail, we do not see lloyd's entire face at ALL. the most we see is his nose and mouth, and that makes my heart squirm like a motherfucker, because who else did we see that way in the webtoon?

kim suho, all the way at the beginning.

we don't actually get to know suho's face until way, way later in the webtoon adaptation, which is once he's way more secure in his position as lloyd frontera

so seeing this,,, it's like we're thrown back to then, it's like LLOYD is thrown back to then, back to when he was just suho kim; someone who thought of himself as nothing, as someone who just couldn't function correctly in this world, and god does my heart ache

and lloyd right now feels it too, the anxieties he once had coming right back. and i think that makes the clothing choices for lloyd specifically really impactful too, specifically upper body

the blue poloshirt is eerily reminiscent of the blue tracksuit suho used to wear, and it's the layer underneath a green jacket with a collar similar to lloyd's usual coat. it's like a reminder to the reader that once upon a time, he was just suho wearing lloyd's mask in a strange, new world. i think this experience is a reminder of that to suho, too,,,

also, the bucket hat is able to cover most if not all of his hair. in some of these panels, you can't even tell that it's lloyd underneath. it might not be the same body, with the way the camera is positioned, especially with some of them being from javier's point of view, it's like,,, "who is speaking right now? the face of lloyd frontera, or the heart of suho kim?"

and in the middle of this, we hear javier speak and ask suho if he hated his behavior, blamed himself for his anxieties, and only then do we get to see one of his eyes, but just one.

idk if the timing of this is intentional (i dont know if ANY of this direction is intentional) but id like to think that javier responding in search of clarification (rather than responding in silence or in disgust) helped suho be a little more inclined to opening up and being honest with who he was in this world. i really really like that

AND THIS ARGHHH ARGHHH AAAHHHHH ROLLING AROUND ON THE FLOOR LIKE A PILLBUG HAVING A SEIZURE AGHHHH

it makes it so so telling that he's the type to live for others, he always has been, to the point of being a workaholic. a quiet, good kid, trying to make amends for the struggles he has by burdening himself with the responsibility of protecting his parents names, of protecting the people he loved. he's done that since the beginning and he keeps doing that over and over and over, both here on earth and there in lorasia.

it makes me so upset (in a character drive way! not in a "this is bad" way) that he thinks of himself as nothing without this responsibility, when this ability to move forward and endure and fight for people is something beautiful in and of itself. it's not every day that you meet people like this, selfless and hardworking and tenacious to their core. back then he encapsulated his identity based on his inability to function in a world that requires social and physical interaction - something that isn't his fault! - and while he was able to move past that in lorasia, he was thrown back to this encapsulation once in seoul. he started to think of himself as "suho in lloyd's body" again, instead of "i am lloyd frontera" as he said before his "bluff" failed. MY HEART HURTS.

and i think that's why javier's concluding note, that in the knights eyes he is just the same person, is so impactful too.

because javier doesn't see lloyd based on his anxiety. he sees him for who he is. someone who protects the people he cares about. someone who is brilliantly cunning, quick on his feet, rational and brave and tenacious tenacious tenacious. for all the things suho admitted to javier, these truths haven't changed for the knight. he's the same person.

javier sees a guardian. javier sees kim suho.

AND THAT is what gets suho to his feet and we finally see his full face again. AND OOHHHH THE LOOKS THEY GIVE EACH OTHER AGHHHH AHHH

the marks of tears streaked on his face but he's smiling with so much renewed energy and javier softly smiling back IM GONNA THROW UPPPP THESE TWO MEAN THE WORLD TO MEEEE AHHHHHH AAAAAAHHHHHH

exploding. exploding. exploding. exploding. exploding.

anyway that's all (for now. if you see me on twitter i might still be agonizing over this /pos) i will SEE YOU NEXT WEEK! i hope we get a cool view from namsan tower and javier reacting to that that'd be nice :3 ANYWAYS BYE

#tged #the greatest estate developer #tged spoilers #lynn misc #lloyd frontera #javier asrahan #kim suho #lynn yaps #SO SO SORRY FOR ALL THE YAPPING. THIS EP JUST MADE ME FEEL SO MUCH #i am far from an artist but i really really like thinking about possible intentional art direction n stuff #am i good at it? hell no! this stuff was probably obvious! and/or unintentional! but it was fun :3 #i went so insane abt this that while i was driving today i realized i was thinking more abt this ch than actually FOCUSING ON THE ROAD.#also super sorry for the late ep post! i was busy today <- was brainrotting abt this exact ep LMAO #very very sorry if this is all stuff webnovel readers know already from reading it! mb mb #man lots of apologies in the tags today lol sorry ill post now

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timetravelstudies · 17 days ago

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what do you like to cook for yourself on the daily? i find cooking really exhausting so im trying to find more ideas and see if i can make it more healthy :(

hi my darling <3 sorry if it took me a while to get to this but i wanted to give it a proper indepth answer so i waited until i was on pc, free of obligations etc. im warning u this ended yp 1) long 2) really disorganized and stream of consciousnessy lol. sowwy.

ok first of all my definition of cooking&eating "healthy" is to eat a variety of filling, nutricious and digestible foods. i dont count macros, i dont count calories, i dont restrict or avoid anything unless its smth i cant digest, i dont believe in any of that bullshit. im gonna have to avoid a lot more foods from now on bc ive recently discovered i have a ton of pretty severe intolerances lol and its pissing me off. but im gonna give you recipes etc based on what i was eating before

secondly idk what foods are cheap/easily available/available fresh vs frozen where you are + how much storage space you have etcetc. so again this is all gonna be based on my circumstances. that also goes for the effort & difficulty level of the recipes. these are around a low to moderate level for me as of say fall 2024, but i know some of them would have been way too exhausting in planning, prep work, organization etc for me a year or two ago. i hope at least some are usable for you though!

heres some advice that made my life easier:

whenever u boil rice always make extra. it stores super well and is really filling and versatile and can turn a random &/or meafer assortment of leftovers into a meal when u fry them together.

buy frozen veggies rather than fresh, and even if u get them fresh, cut them up asap and freeze them. having fresh veg in the fridge feels anxiety inducing bc its a commitment to cook meals from scratch more than once. if theyre in the freezer they can stay there forever even if youre in a rotting period yourself. i do the same with bread, buy a fresh loaf (or more likely half) and slice and freeze the whole thing.

whenever u make frozen veggies always make double portions. u can save half for dinner/lunch the next day. tada! you have your veggie portion for that meal. worse comes to worst you can fry or boil a single egg and itll stil be a nutricious and relatively balanced meal. if you unfreeze a bread slice itll be filling too.

heres how i cook frozen veggies so they dont taste depressing: for leaf greens (spinach, chicory, something wordreference tells me is called "chard") i get a deep-ish pan (NOT pot) and dump 2 frozen cubes in there with enough water that theyre covered about halway thru. i put as much salt as i want in the water, put a lid on the pan and let it cook at low-medium so they unfreeze. this way they get salted evenly. once theyre unfrozen i drain the extra water (some ppl drink this bc its good for you, i think its gross but if u wanna get 100% of the nutrients u paid for u may wanna try this, if so then i guess skip the salt step and salt later lol) then push them slightly to the side in the pan. i put some oil on the free half of the pan + some chopped up pieces of garlic and let it warm up a little bit at medium fire (until it makes a slight noise.... ur veggies will be fine bc theyre so watery still but u may wanna move them around a little so ur 100% sure they dont get stuck), then i mix it all up, raise the flame higher and fry it essentially. only for a few minutes. some people add dried chili pepper flakes too before frying, i only do that sometimes bc i get gastritis by too much spicy food lol. this is actually a way of cooking long veggies that is typical here in rome ("verdura ripassata", veggies cooked twice)

for non-leaf veggies i mostly eat zucchini or peas. in this case i do the same thing to unfreeze them (pan, water, salt, lid, wait) with the caveat that peas take FOREVER esp bc i like them soft. then when i fry, in the zucchini i add onion instead of garlic (my personal preference) and in peas. actually wait i will tell u a really easy delicious way of cooking peas i have later.

some foods to buy:

besides frozen veggies, get precooked legumes (in the can or the jar) since those also store forever. i always have 1-2 small jars in storage that i replenish when i eat them bc #youneverknow.

also get a few bottles of herbs and/or spices that you like bc you can use these to upgrade any food instantly, not just in taste but also in how elaborate and fancy it feels -> how good u feel about urself for cooking it. my staples rn are curry (just generic curry..... generic white people curry from the regular white people gocey store....... it does the job), turmeric (#orangefood tell ur friends. really good in fall/winter warms me up from the insideeeee smile), black pepper and coriander. i kinda dump these into whatever when i wanna feel like im A Chef creating Art. these get kind of expensive so tbh last time i just shoplifted them thanks to my big pocketed cargo pants.

onions and garlic are also staples in any italian kitchen i always have them on hand. any type of onion tbh but better any kind of big round one bc they last longer. but also i buy onion sprouts(?) sometimes and chop them up and freeze them to put in omelettes and make them feel special and taste more delicious.

also i semi-regularly buy lactose-free cream cheese bc i use it in a lot of foods + its a no-cook easy source of protein for when i cant be bothered to even take a pan out of the cabinet. but thats a fresh food so u have to commit to eating it within the week-10 days obv

heres a few "recipes":

pasta with pesto: buy pesto from the store. cook pasta. drain pasta (wet the drys...... dry the wets......). put pesto on it. boom. food. this was, no joke, 70% of the cooked food i ate in 2022 & 2023.

soup from premade soup: easy as it sounds. i buy big bowls of premade vegetable soups, theyre v cheap at my local store and i get 2/3 meals out of each. i dont get the pureed ones bc i think the texture is gross, i get the ones with chonks. i recommend the ones with lentils or some type of bean and/or cereal in them, not just pieces of veggies, bc theyre a lot more filling. in order to make them taste better and also feel more satisfied, i warm them up in a pot with olive oil, garlic, a pinch of salt, plus some stuff like powdered turmeric curry ground cumin or whatever other spice or herb you like. once its warmed up i also usually add a big spoon or 2 of lactose-free cream cheese to improve the texture + add some fat to counterbalance all the spiciness + "round out" the flavor. overall it takes 10 ish minutes. sometimes if i have leftovers i dump them in too (like idk boiled eggs and or potatoes, or a little bit of ham thats getting dry in the fridge, or smth) sometimes if i feel like it i will boil some rice too and eat it with rice mixed in as a curry. that usually makes it so i have leftovers for the day after bc i dont eat as much soup.

onion sprout cream cheese goat cheese veggie whatever omelette: ok first of all obv u can make an omelet with anything so this is ur chance to dump any leftovers in there too. but i have a couple of omelet "recipes" ive been doing in the past year which are specifically super delicious. n1 is omelet (2 eggs in a mug + pinch of salt + black pepper + whisk) then i unfreeze chopped up onion sprounts in the Michael Wave, chop up some solid goat cheese, dump it all in, mix so its even. in the meantime i warm up oil in a wide and short pan. its ready when u throw a teeeeny bit of water in and it hisses (dont hurt urself, back away immediately when u do this. by a TEEENY bit of water i mean i wet my fingertip and let a single drop fall). pour the entire substance in the pan, the bottom will cook almost immediately, the top will stay liquid for a bit which allows u to move the filling around with a fork bc it will inevitably get all in one place lol. then take a wide spatula and try to flip it. i can only sort of do this after a year of practice and only about half the time. tbh as long as u dont hurt urself its fine if it break. who gaf. anyway. the other side will cook MUCH faster about <1min. turn off the fire and put on the plate. sometiems i put an absorbent paper towel on the plate to soak some of the extra oil up. unfreeze a bread slice if ur feeling fancy. enjoy :) omelet n2 is the same but without the goat cheese. u can hold the onions too. basically just egg and salt. fry. once its done dump ur extra long leaf greens from yesterdays dinner on one half. cover the other half in cream cheese. close. its a crepe now :)

Delicious Peas: dump frozen peas in small pot, add a lot of water (say until the peas are more than covered), salt. put on a low-medium fire with a lid on. in the meantime u can cut up onions (regular onions will do) and ham (i eat presliced ham from the store so rather than cut i just tear it apart with my fingers into bite sized pieces lol). once the peas are cooked but still hard (like, they perfectly split into 2 halves when u bite them) u can dump the onions in and add oil. at this point u should still have some water but not a lot. like the peas are only a bit covered. if u have too much water np just throw a little out. once the peas are almost perfect softness say when 2-3 mins are left put the ham in. keep stirring throughout + u need to stir more often the less water there is (at the beginning when u have a lot of water u dont need to stir at all). this is a slightly more advanced recipe in my mind bc its slightly higher effort for slighly lower nutrients (only peas and some ham) but its very delicious #ToMe plus u dont need to pay a ton of attention to the pot so i do this sometiems in the evening and in the meantime i will clean the kitchen for the day or sit down when i can and play sudoku or whatever. anyway peas are also very filling for a veggie. also if you make this exact same thing but in a bigger pot u can bring the water to boil (with the peas in it) and dump some little pasta then keep cooking slowly at low fire while stirring in whatever ingredience you feel like. tada. pasta soup with peas and some other bits and bobs :) super filling and nutricious + once u know how to make this u can make a big batch and save for the day after or even freeze it in individual portions and eat it forever.

anyway. i didnt say anything abt fish bc i dont eat fish a lot and i didnt say anything about meat bc i just unfreeze whatever meat i have, say a burger, heat up the oil, dump it in, cook one side, flip, salt the cooked side, flip again, salt the other side, burn up a little, serve, eat. nothing special. sorry theres so few recipes but i dont know your cooking level or energy levels etcetc so i wanted to focus on relatively simple stuff that also makes for leftovers. i have some other recipes i like like #orangepasta (pasta & chickpea soup-style with turmeric) or a really delicious but kinda high effort everything-pasta bake i make on sundays with family or by myself and then i freeze a bunch of it. but those have more steps & ingredience so i avoided them.

i hope this helps even a little! sorry i wrote so much im kinda the yapper. lmk if you have any questions :) and from the bottom of my heart good luck. i know it can be hard and frustrating and depressing as fuck to be "bad" at food but it CAN be done i promise. i believe in you and love you soso much. MWAH! <3

#asks #food

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mxthxd · 15 days ago

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Jan 18

breakfast: 75kcal

coffee and yummy chobani creamer (x2)

snack: 290kcal

protein shake and harvest pea chips

lunch: 357kcal

lightly blackened salmon with a salad (blueberries, feta cheese, red onion, tomato, spinach, mixed greens), skinny girl salad dressing

dinner: 167kcal

rest of the salmon i cooked for lunch, more spinach and a dash of the same dressing

day total: 888kcal

macros: 84g protein & 19g fiber

exercises done ✔️

stretches done ✔️

i need to find a better creamer. the one i have is really yummy and not overly sweet, but itd be nice to find something that perhaps has protein or something in it. plus lower calorie.

cleaned my fridge out a LOT. it was gross, plus just had a lot of stuff that just needed to go. i dont live alone so sometimes theres still stuff in there i wish i could just toss.

i have a lot of my protein powder left and dont wanna waste it. but will definitely be researching if theres any better ones. its pretty yummy!!

my salad was super yummy and left me feeling full for a few hours too. i love salmon so much. i got some more at the store tonight, will cook it off the same way i did the other stuff and have it ready for the work week.

i wanna binge so bad but i didnt. i think the temptation will be insane when i start packing stuff to take to work. theres a few things i bought that i thought wouldnt tempt me but after opening to taste, they absolutely do :( itll be a bit easy to fight the temptation at work because during work hours im not really hungry.

good day i guess. i didnt binge. hoping to be asleep soon and not binge. or mindlessly eat on the middle of the night.

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blogblogbloggittyblog · 6 months ago

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august 3, 2024

its been almost a month since i wrote here but theres a lot ive wanted to write.

a) im still very lonely and sad and bitter. ie. gray (the guy from tinder who is now dating will, who i wasnt that interested in and who wasnt that interested in me) posts make me suicidal because like theyre so cute and happy and like the problem is yet again proven to be me and not the other person. ie.2. emilio said he doesnt wanna go out anymore because he feels that the age gap is a bit weird which is perfectly fair and healthy and normal but like yk, it was nice to kiss someone lmfao. im gonna apparently see that persian guy on tuesday to see how it goes. i doubt itll be anything good but we'll see i guess.

b) the panic from starting uni hasnt fully set in yet. but the tuition waiver is apparently not gonna work which is stressful because that means that over the course of the next four years, i WILL be spending around 30k, if not more, of the RESP. which im grateful to have and grateful to have not spent on anything else cuz that wouldve been awful. but like. to be honest, if i was gonna pay i wouldve liked to pay for queens or mcgill or smth.

c) got a couch. its green. got cushions on the way too.

yeah in conclusion i think im fine but like. idk. im angry and bitter and tired all the time and i dont know what to do with that.

#2024

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lil-e-sideblog · 1 year ago

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woah. what are you doing here

hey. if youre here im cool with it! just uh. keep mention of it off my main. i'm keeping all the content i post on my main separate to what goes here, so don't worry about that i guess

prefacing this with this blog is 18+, but its not explicitly nsfw.

it definitely potentially will be at times but its not going to be EXPLICITLY so, if that makes any sense. not much nudity, but stuff will be Big. if there is nudity i'll obviously tag it as such.

this is just my sideblog for gts/giantess stuff. also with stuff like. hyper sizes and stuff of that nature yknow? theres lots here. itll make sense eventually. i gotta flesh more stuff out, but. yknow

anyways, under the readmore will be more details about my sona for this stuff. the tl;dr is that Cool 9 Foot Transgender Robot Lady who gets bigger. and a lot of it is STILL a work in progress, so stuff is subject to change and updates, as well as just generally fleshing the idea out. we're gettin there!

lotta this is ultra mega super self indulgent so like. dont worry bout it too much. and its still all being fleshed out with friends and the like

anyway!

art is by @/prime-bewbs, her stuff is fantastic so please give her a look!

unit name: LIL-E "Lillie" (she/her)

height: 9'0, variable (we'll get into it!)

she's also a lesbian. cause yknow. women

LIL-E is a robotic body that hosts an AI upload of her creator's mind, effectively acting as a brand new body. essentially, she "pilots" the robot body, but for all intents and purposes, that's just her body now. this was for numerous reasons, mostly just for the desire for a new form. (as for why she's 9 feet - well, why not?). she goes by her old name, "lillie", just for the sake of ease.

her body is made out of a, self described, "compound element fuckery" that allows it to look and feel similar to skin, yet still be quite different. most notably in the ability to rapidly change sizes - but we'll get to that! there's also some light face panel lines/lines in the arms, which can

her eyes are displays, which can change eye colours/pupils and also display various different imagery. (yes, she can run and display doom. and lots of other stuff!) the core "gem" in her chest is also something that can change colour, and is just there for visual flair.

her power source is that of a white hole reactor, effectively allowing for a infinite energy supply. white holes *create* mass, after all. it's stored in her main body area, which also allows her cleavage to be a bit of a hammerspace. thats right. cool sword pulled out of boobs, baby

this reactor helps to allow the material objects of her to grow. which, she grows by absorbing electricity/general energy! (kinda working on this, still. bear with me) by utilizing this energy, she not only grows in height, but also in curves (bust/waist/you have it). the justification she gives is that "the energy has to go somewhere, and they act as safety", but really she just thinks it's hot really cool.

this, in turn, adds to her main "job", which is protecting various people in cities and areas from monsters, big bads, or whathaveyou in general! she effectively just fights to keep people safe from various attacks and disasters, working with whatever's needed. this is also supplemented by the armor dock-ons she has, which she also calls forth when needed. (these, unfortunately, are not designed YET. we'll make a cool combat form yet...) there's a variety of them! it's all cool.

these slot onto the arms/legs/etc. to kind of create an "armored" state. these armors can be modified in how they dock to create different modes - focusing on melee combat, long range modes, or a sword mode. there's funnels mounted on these armor bits as well that can fly off for various uses (such as a shield), as well as hi-nu esque wings to allow for flight

her panel lines glow a soft green when she's in this state, and her hair's bundled up into a ponytail. lastly, she gets a sick pair of shades, and an optional mask "covering" if the fight calls for it. she can use these armors for either casual fights or serious jobs, whatever calls for it. (there's a berserk/hyper mode she can enter too, where the hair flows out freely and the inner frame turns rainbow, but that's rare/not developed JUST yet...)

also, she's got a soundboard. yes, she can play cool music during a fight. fuck yeah

she's easygoing and upbeat, but also enjoys being smug about her size, both in her 9 foot form and even bigger. smushin people (gently, of course, we're not into snuff here), looming over them, the works. she has fun with it, after all!

also she's transgender fuck you.

AGAIN A LOT OF THIS IS A WIP SO LIKE. bear with me i guess! its subject to change/getting a proper "ref" sheet made/whatever. i literally only started making her last week anyway. work it out yknow? we'll get there

thanks 4 reading love u :]

#gts #sizetumblr #im very nervous about this so bear with me lmfao. but also. fuck it we ball #gts oc

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substanceuser971 · 2 years ago

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very very frustrated with myself that i bought over $60 worth of weed just because it was on sale. with that and everything else ive bought today i mustve just blown half my paycheck. i at least know that rent for next month will be covered with my tax return coming in, and i know the bulk of what i bought today was necessities, but its fucking frustrating. i knew that the moment i got paid id be right back where i was with obsessively keeping stocked up and having to struggle not to get high every damn night. i think maybe part of why i went for the sale was because everything was already more expensive than i anticipated, which yeah i get weed is pricey but this particular dispensary like doesnt even have any cheap options. sometimes the cheap shit is better! but people wanna get all fancy with it eugh

the good news is that spending all this money on other junk helped deter me from buying vodka. i miss green apple vodka, literally just straight out of the bottle. since pesachs finishing up this evening i can keep drinking the beer in my fridge when i crave alcohol, but im trying to keep that at a minimum.

i had my first therapy appt in years the other day, i really like my therapist so far. i talked a bit about my substance use issues and the ways ive been coping, and it was really nice actually having my struggles acknowledged instead of them being brushed off like my ex did. it was nice too that my therapist acknowledged the effort ive been putting into reducing my usage. its hard talking about addiction with friends so i dont talk much about my successes and i guess sometimes i feel like people dont know or understand or appreciate the effort this takes.

sometimes i wish i could just skip ahead to living with my partner and being able to cuddle up with her instead of being alone in my room at night. i know itll be more meaningful to overcome all the obstacles to get there, but i still wish i could be with them now. then i could maybe fall asleep comfy instead of dealing with constant insomnia and trying to self medicate with pot just to get an extra hour or two of rest, as if it really does all that much. and when i do smoke then, itll be a fun little treat. i want to be better than i am for them. i know it sees things the opposite way, its said im too good for it, so i guess things balance out lmao

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obsessive-ego · 4 years ago

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Sneaky but not really

Musical beetlejuice x reader

Beetlejuice first sleepover with you

Soft, lewd jokes warning, sort of, you know how bj is

Love at first strike was the perfect way to describe your relationship, well at least to beetlejuice. After a scare gone wrong the ghoul was head over heals for you, long story short you were Delia's niece, after a few moments upon meeting lydia, the kid tricked and locked you in the basement, where said ghoul was waiting to 'introduce' himself to you. When he jumped out from the darkness you reacted poorly and sucker punched him in the jaw, with a hard thump the demon hits the floor, of course you felt awful about the whole thing, hitting someone you didnt even know, but as you went to help the poor man up his only response was "damn sugar, hit me again".

The rest was history, you visited lydia and beetlejuice like clockwork, you enjoyed them both, having a similar sense of humor really helped, hell you even joined in on Beetlejuice's lewd humor when lydia was out of ear shot, the ghoul adored this, you were perfect for him, funny and had the balls big enough to hit him, no one's ever done that before.

...

"Please please please, come on baby, dont you trust me?~" beetlejuice pleaded clinging to your leg like a child

"Beej, no, it's not that I dont trust you its just-" you trail off glancing to lydia for some help, the kid just stifles a laugh at you.

"What's wrong y/n? He'd be the perfect little house guest, you live alone right? What's the issue?" She shrugs

You sigh, beetlejuice has been begging you forever to let him sleepover and looks like he roped lydia into it, or she just thought it was funny to watch you flail.

"Come on babes, itll be great, we'll watch movies, order take out, suck face-"

"What?"

"Nothing"

You scowl, and pinch the bridge of your nose, taking a deep breath, then a long sigh

"Fine"

The weight from you leg was lifted in a flash and the ghoul was right in your face "REALLY?! Great choice, you are never gonna regret this sweet stuff" the ghouls cups your face and gives you a quick kiss before disappearing leaving you dazed and confused, what have you done.

...

As you walked home you couldnt help bit feel dread creeping up on you, hoping you never reach your destination, it's not like you didnt want beetlejuice to come to your little home, it's more of you were nervous being alone with the demon in such a personal space, you liked him yeah, more then you're will to admit, this whole 'sleepover' is gonna be more then awkward. The dread sinks in when you stand infront if your little apartment building, you sigh and head inside, at your door your hands tremble with the keys, your nerves reaching new heights, you wanted to vomit, you wanted this whole thing to be done and over, stupid undead bastard who wormed his way into your heart.

Home sweet home, you toss your belongings aside and shamble your way to the living room, plopping down on the couch you swallow hard, as the conversation you and beej had before leaving the Deetz house flood back into your mind

'Now all you gotta do to get me into your little home is say my name 3 times, 3 times in a row spoken, unbroken, okay? I'll be waiting sugar~"

You knew he was teasing you, the ghoul could probably tell how the whole pet name thing effected you, since no ones ever done that to you before. Taking a deep breath of air and jumping up from the couch you decided it's now or never, and you knew if you didnt summon him he'll be twice as annoying the next time you saw him.

"BEETLEJUICE"

You could feel the air get heavier

"BEETLEJUICE"

The temperature around your body drops, you take a deep breath trying to steady yourself

"Beetlejuice" you clamp your eyes shut, not really sure what's gonna happen next, since you weren't exactly told much past the whole how to thing.

"Its showtime~" a gravely voice purrs in your ear and you nearly jump out of your skin, you curse and turn to the culprit, beetlejuice, he was here, it was really that simple.

"You came-" you stutter in disbelief

"Oh doll, your sweet voice would make anyone cum as fast as I did~" the ghoul coos as he cups your face, you flinch at the joke, yes you sure walked into it, giving the demon a perfect set up, beetlejuice howls with laughter at your reaction.

"Babes you make this too easy, but ya know I like easy gals" he gives you a wink followed by a loud cackle.

You regain your composure and clear your throat "well this is it, my home" you give a half hearted gesture, the ghoul whistles in response as if he was impressed by your little home.

"So babes, how bout you show old mr beebleboose where the magic happens~" the demon coos wiggling his eyebrows, you couldnt help but snort a laugh, as you give the demon a soft shove.

"All right sugar, what's the plan tonight? Shitty horror? Take out? Tonsil hockey?" Tips of pink gracing the demons hair as he purrs that last part.

Again a you snort out a laugh "2 out of 3 there beej"

"Sucking face while watching bad movies? You really know how to spoil a ghost" beetlejuice cackles, leaning in close as he makes kissing sounds.

You push the ghoul off, as you chuckle, embarrassed, yet amused at your pal's constant jokes.

You pull out your phone to order a pizza for the two of you, you knew the demon can and will eat anything so you knew he wouldnt really care WHAT you ordered. Beetlejuice perks up at your actions, he wasnt a fan of cell phones, he hated when your attention wasnt fully on him, but after some trial and error he learned to adapt to subtlety messing with you in that state of distraction.

The ghoul places his arm around you shoulder and leans in to you, watching you tap away on your phone, he never really got the whole technical thing, the ghoul was more into making you nervous, in his current position, pressed up against you, he could feel your warmth, he could hear your heart pounding, and he could see your fingers fumble as you try to type, the ghoul huffs out a small chuckle when he sees you puff out your cheeks as you try to focus and steady your hands to finish what you were doing.

...

The two of you chatted and joked about as beetlejuice told you stories of scares he pulled off with lydia, he was practically glowing green with excitement as he told you in great detailed of how amazing and scary he was and how you need to see him in action more often, the demons mood was contagious you couldnt help but laugh and hang on practically every word. The two of you are interrupted with a knock on your door,

You get up from the couch without much thought, beetlejuice jumps up quickly after you, and pulls you to the front door, you make a noise of surprise at the sudden action.

"Watch and be amazed sweet stuff, its show time" the ghoul swings open the door to see the delivery guy.

"Pizza for l/n"

"Thanks man" the ghoul takes the pizza and hands it to you.

"Oh! Babes what did you order anyway?" The ghoul asks before snapping his fingers, a familiar tingle goes through your body, you go stiff as beetlejuice puppets your words

"Oh you know honey, the usual, pepperoni, bacon, and tarantulas" you say in a cheery tone.

"Tarantulas?" The delivery guys asks

"You never tried one? They crunch real nice" the ghoul goes to pull out a live rather large tarantula from his coat pocket, you flinch at the sight, not being a fan of bugs. Beetlejuice, without hesitation drops the spider into his mouth, the crunching noise alone made the colour drain from your face, but your reaction was nothing in comparison to pizza guy. The poor guy looked like he was gonna vomit, frozen in place with the scene in front of him.

"Where are my manners? Want one?" Beetlejuice leans forward into his victim dangling a new larger tarantula in the poor man's face.

"Open wide~" he coos

At that The pizza guy's legs finally give out, causing him to drop to his ass, the man screams and scrambles to his feet, stumbling and fumbling all the while getting away from your home.

"Such a beautiful sound~" beetlejuice sighs, as he slides the spider into his coat pocket "save him for later" he mumbles before turning to you

"So? How was I sugar?" The ghoul was beaming at you with a big toothy grin, desperate for your approval.

You snort out a hard laugh "you're disgusting beej, amazingly disgusting" you cackle

The ghoul bows at your praise "thank you doll, you are too kind~"

God did beetlejuice live for your praise, the attention you gave him, he wanted you so badly, he wanted you to say 'beetlejuice, I see you, I accept you, I fear for my safety around you'. But you were dense and a coward, and he sure as hell didnt want to make the first move, so this, this was fine for now, you praising him and spending time with him, will just have to do until you proclaim your undying love for him.

The two of you hang out on the couch, you in your pajamas, beetlejuice leaning into you with an arm around you, you never really fought this, beej was the touchy feely type and he claims how he just likes how warm you are, so you just went with it. As your movie marathon runs late you begin to nod off, you finally commit to bed time when you nudge Beetlejuice's arm off and stand up, the ghoul makes a noise of annoyance at your absence.

"I'm going to bed" you yawn out "night beej" you wave goodnight before heading to you room, the ghoul growls at this, he didnt really want to stop hanging out with you, but unfortunately breather need sleep, the demon flows you to your room.

As you climb into bed beetlejuice phases through the bedroom door

"Oh no!" His voice alerts you to his presence

"Theres only one bed" he continues in a false worried tone, you know your brows together

"Beetlejuice I can make up the couch for you if you like, I know you dont sleep-"

"OH NO THERE'S ONLY ONE BED AND ITS A SINGLE" he repeats as if a louder volume will change anything.

"Bee-"

"I guess we'll just have to share y/n, please be gentle with me~" the demon coos as he slumps onto the bed

You give him a soft smile at this awful little show, but as nice and warm as the idea of sharing your bed with him would make you feel, you weren't exactly ready to agree to that, anxiety and nerves beat away any romantic thought.

"Beej, come on-"

"Cum on what?"

You snort out a soft laugh, you always walked into a set up for him without a second thought.

"Beetlejuice, no offense, but I dont feel comfortable with that, you know, sharing a bed with you, I mean, like, you know" your voice shrank as you spoke, you didnt want to sound rude, not that hed ever mind, the ghoul sits up and stares back at you with a wide toothy grin.

"I getcha sweets, not till marriage, right? You never struck me as the old fashioned type, but I can wait till we tie the knot~" he winks that last part, you can feel you ears burn with embarrassment, all of his flirting jokes did make you blush, but the marriage jokes were the big guns, you adored the demon, and the idea of being married to him made your heart want to rip it's way out of your chest.

Without another word beetlejuice vanishes before your eyes, and a soft "goodnight" is whispered in you ear, causing you to shiver.

...

Finally after all that time begging you finally let beetlejuice into your home, just you and him, such a high level of trust you have in him, the ghoul himself is filled with delight at the thought, here he was floating next to your bed, watching you slept so peacefully, completely unaware of the dead man watching you.

"Ya know sweet stuff, you look real cute when you sleep~" he purrs, pink hue gracing his hair in streaks.

It goes without saying the demon was a creep, so it was no surprise he would watch you sleep. The ghoul stares at you for hours, taking in all the little things about you, the little things of being alive, how your chest slowly moved up and down as you slept, how you're lips were slightly parted, those sweet little sounds you'd make during your slumber.

As the time went by the ghoul's mind began to wander.

"Bet it's real warm under those covers huh?" He mused

"Y/n is such an oblivious little breather, they probably wouldnt even notice little old me sliding in next to that soft, warm, body of theirs" he whispered to himself, the thought alone of pressing himself up against your warm body was enough to get the demon drooling.

That was all the convincing he needed, slip in to cuddle for a bit, then slip out before you wake, easy.

With a snap of his fingers the ghoul's trade mark striped suit disappears leaving him in a pair of striped boxers, with another snap beetlejuice reappears next to you in bed, the wave of warm washing over him was delightful, so toasty warm, so soft and comfy, he could get used to this, with a soft sigh the ghoul cuddled up to you, without a second thought he gets carried away, wrapping him arms around your body, you respond with some unintelligible noise as the demon pulls you into him.

Beetlejuice, now completely pink, gives your forehead a kiss before whispering a soft

"goodnight y/n"

This was heaven, or as close as a born dead demon straight from hell was gonna get at least, everything felt so good, your soft body in his arms, your warmth, your scent, your soft comfy bed, he could really get used to this. Beetlejuice didnt have to sleep, but did to pass the time when bored, but tonight he fell asleep for a more soft reason, yes the ghoul has had more flings and one night stands then he could remember, but this, he never spent the night in another's arms, someone who genuinely liked him and wanted him around, the ghoul couldnt help but doze off with this level of comfort, as cheesy as it sounded, it was true.

...

Unfortunately him dozing off was a less then great idea, beetlejuice was a heavy sleeper, more so then you were.

"BEETLEJUICE!"

The ghoul shoots up at your rather loud call, beetlejuice looks up at you to see a rather embarrassed, confused you, clenching the blanket to your chest, though you were full clothed.

"Morning sweetheart, you sleep well in daddy's arms?" He purrs, busted the demon Hope's to flirt his way out of getting trouble.

"What are you doing?!" Your voice trembles as you're pretty sure the ghoul can hear your heart pounding like a jackhammer.

"I couldnt help myself it's so chilly at night, and you're so warm" the ghoul shrugs "Oh! Right I forgot my little y/n is an old fashioned little breather, guess we gotta get hitched now huh?" The ghoul winks at you.

You felt like your heart was gonna explode, you just woke up and he's pulling this? Honestly part of you wasnt surprised he'd worm his way into your bed, and tease the hell out of you, then it hits you. You stare at the ghoul, his torso exposed, completely bare, revealing a rather hairy, scared up upper half, while his waist was hidden below the covers.

"Beetlejuice, please, please tell me you're wearing something below the waist" you turn your head away not wanting to look at him, you knew beej is a creepy pervert, but he wouldnt sneak into your bed completely naked, would he?

Beetlejuice let's out his awful cackle, causing you to flinch.

"Babes do you really think, I'd slip in next to you in bed balls out? Please, I am a perfect gentleman, I already vowed to marry you after I slept with you" he snorts out a laugh.

You return your gaze to the ghoul to see he has removed the covers to reveal a pair of boxers resembling his suit. You sigh in relief, the demon only smirks at your reaction.

"Like what you see?~" he wiggles his eyebrows and bites his lip while giving his hips a quick jerk upwards.

"Beej please, i guess it's fine if you want to sleep with me, as long as you're respectful, I mean you're gonna do it anyways so" you trail off clearly embarrassed at his lewd motions, but finding it easier to ignore them and continue on with what had transpired.

"Whoa, you mean it?" The ghoul sits up, wide eyed and pink at your words

"Yes, as long as you're not gonna be gross about it- FUCK"

Beetlejuice lunges at you, pulling you into a tight hug, this was all too much for first thing in the morning, yes it felt nice to be held, but youd be lying if waking up next to beetlejuice didnt scare the shit out of you, but sleeping together, as warm as it made you feel, its gonna take some getting used too.

"How bout we get some coffee?" You ask timidly.

Beetlejuice pulls away, a big dopey grin plastered across his face, patches of pink slowly taking over his scratchy facial hair.

"You read my mind doll".

One of these days, you should really ask him what pink ment for him, maybe comfort? Really happy? Who knows

Bonus

After a rather embarrassing morning for you, the two of you make your way to the kitchen for a cup of coffee. Beetlejuice didnt exactly drink coffee, just really milk and sugar with coffee in it, not that you minded

The two of you sat in silence at your little kitchen table, you scrolled through your phone checking weather and other nonsense as you take a sip of your coffee the ghoul cuts the silence

"You think Adam will be my best man at our wedding?"

You nearly choke on your drink.

#beetlejuice x reader #muscial beetlejuice x reader #rambling

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olivia-anderson-fanfic · 4 years ago

Text

A Miraculous TikTok Account

Part 30

First

It wasn’t until she was at work that Ladybug had seen the video.

Sure, she’d felt the familiar buzz of her phone in her pocket. She assumed it was telling her that one of her housemates had uploaded a video to TikTok, but she hadn’t thought much of it. It was Chat’s usual upload time. And, yeah, she definitely intended to watch Chat’s video at some point. It was bound to be some cute animal. But she was at work, so...

Then, to her surprise, her phone continued to buzz. Nino, probably, she didn’t know many other people she still talked to consistently and he had no reservations about double texting (or triple texting, or quadruple texting, or --).

She needed to hold off until she was done with her meeting with the Tsurugis. They were choosing their outfits for some kind of gala that Gabriel Agreste was going to be holding for the holidays.

(She gave very few clients the option of choosing between multiple designs, really. They were only going to choose one so the others would likely be scrapped, so she usually did one and then either took their critiques or went back to the designing phase… but the Tsurugis honestly kind of scared her so...)

As the two looked over their choices, she began to get curious.

She asked if she could take a call and, once they said that it would be alright, she slipped outside. She made sure she was a little bit away before leaning against the wall and pulling out her phone.

Obviously she wasn’t ACTUALLY going to call, it’s not the dark ages, but she did check her texts.

As she suspected, it was Nino.

Ninomorepuns: hey

Ninomorepuns: poppet

Ninomorepuns: hey poppet

Ninomorepuns: hey

Poppet: WHAT

Ninomorepuns: oh shit it worked

Poppet: I was at work what the duck do you want

Poppet: *fuck

Ninomorepuns: duck

Poppet: stfu. just tell me what you want I’m still at work and I need to go back soon

Ninomorepuns: did you see the new tiktok chat noir uploaded

She clicked her tongue irritably. Really? This was about the TikTok account? Sure, she could expect this from someone like Rena, but Nino?

Ninomorepuns: i think youd be interested in it since it has your gf in it

When did she get a girlfriend? And why wasn’t she told --?

Oh, wait. Right. She’d told Nino that she had a crush on Ladybug once to explain why she was running towards akumas instead of away from them.

An embarrassed blush spread across her face at the memory. She should have thought of a better lie --.

Wait, fuck, SHE was Ladybug. Chat had uploaded something about her?!

She pulled up Chat’s account.

Her eyes narrowed in on the fact that the thumbnail for his newest video was a black screen instead of the usual still frame of the animal of the day. She clicked on it…

Chat’s breathing was heavy. The bright green captions on the black screen read “Thought someone was in the house :(!”

And then there was the flick of the lightswitch. The camera went pure white as it attempted to adjust to the sudden light… and then she saw herself. In her Totoro onesie. Eating the abomination that she was still regretting hours later.

She closed out of the app. She knew what had happened next, after all.

She swallowed thickly, tears prickling at the corners of her eyes despite her best attempts. Kwami, the internet was going to have a field day. The hard edges of her phone case dug into her hand.

She wanted, so badly, to just go back to the way things were. When she didn’t have to care about her image, when she didn’t have to think about how people would react to the smallest of mistakes. That few month gap between Paon and Hawkmoth hadn’t even been enough for her to appreciate it, and she’d only been around twelve at the time, but kwami did she miss it. When mistakes were just mistakes and she was just a kid...

A ragged gasp escaped her throat and she slowly slid down the wall.

She let her phone hit the ground and brought her hands to her hair, squeezing her eyes shut. How do you breathe again? Her throat was too clogged with tears for her to even remember what it was like to breathe normally.

She felt a tiny hand on her cheek and slowly creaked her eyes open. Tikki was hovering in front of her. The kwami was breathing (or at least making a sound similar to it). Ladybug matched the pace as best she could, forcing all thoughts that weren’t remembering how to breathe out of her head.

After a moment, she managed to bring her breathing to normal.

She gave the kwami a weak smile and nuzzled her face against her.

“Thanks, Tikki,” she murmured.

It sucked, but she couldn’t afford to be like this at the moment. As far as she knew, there hadn’t been an akuma yet that day so she needed to keep everything in check.

There would probably be an akuma by the time she got home, at least, so she could feel free to get mad or panic once that happened. Did she really know what she was going to do? Not really. She’d probably figure it out by then, though.

She looked back at her phone and then pulled up her chat with Nino again because, to him, she had just disappeared for no reason.

What would she normally say?

Poppet: wow. she’s an even bigger disaster than I am

Ninomorepuns: right lmao you might actually be the sensible one in the relationship

Poppet: stfu. I’ll kill you

Ninomorepuns: better not do it during an akuma or itll be fixed

Poppet: you right

Ninomorepuns: wait dont you still have work go away

She rolled her eyes a little and started typing a response along the lines of ‘you’re the one that distracted me from work in the first place’ but something pulled her attention away from her phone.

The doorknob jingled, there was a blur of black and red as Tikki dove to hide in her jacket pocket, and then Kagami was poking her head through.

“My mother and -- are you alright?”

Ladybug rubbed under her eyes to get rid of any stray tears. “Of course! Sorry, my friend just told a really good joke and I guess my laughter got away from me.” She pulled a bright smile to her face. “Are you and your mom done choosing?”

The woman in front of her didn’t seem to believe her, but she nodded shortly. She pushed herself to her feet, brushed herself off, and continued on with her day.

She pulled her mask on outside the door and the smile on her face was just a fraction too wide as she stepped inside.

“Rena,” she said, because she was the only person she saw in the living room.

She looked up from her phone and then tensed ever so slightly at the sight of a clearly pissed off Ladybug. “Bonjour,” she greeted carefully.

“Has anyone been akumatized yet today?”

“... yeah. It was the homeless guy on eighth and --.”

“Cool. Thanks.” She walked up a flight of stairs and raised her hand to knock on Chat’s door.

She stopped herself.

The conversation they’d had only yesterday rang in her ears.

One bad day away from akumatization. That’s what Master Fu had said. She pressed her lips together thinly. He’d been right, apparently, all it had taken for the emotional wall she’d built to crumble was for her persona to crack even slightly… sure, she had her reasons for why she was so upset that the public was now aware of the fact that she wasn’t who she said she was -- and the fact that it was because of Chat of all people didn’t help -- but she’d thought she was reasonably stable emotionally up until then...

She took a deep breath and closed her eyes, resting her forehead against the cold wood of his door and trying her hardest to think.

The options were to suppress the emotions or address them. Suppressing them clearly wasn’t working as much anymore, but she only had about twelve to twenty-four hours to properly address them if she wanted to do that…

She hesitated.

Maybe if she addressed part of the feelings then she could suppress the rest. That would work, right?

She walked up to her room/attic and started making a plan.

By the end of the night, she’d finished writing it all out in the back of her sketchbook.

Glitter

Ruin that perfect motherfucker’s perfect skin and perfect hair

Glitter Part 2 Electric Boogaloo

Lull him into a false sense of security

Make him think he’s going insane

M u r d e r

It wasn’t a lot, only six parts, but she felt like she would probably be fine after part six.

(She’d better be, you can’t really get revenge on a dead person.)

Her problems with the people of Paris would still be there, but at least her problems with Chat would be over with.

She smiled at the plan. Yes, it was all coming together now.

~~~

Taglist

@nathleigh @sassakitty @th1s-1s-my-aesthet1c @blueslushgueen @woe-is-me0 @ladybug-182 @cas-and-their-refusal-to-write @trippingovermyfeet @melicmusicmagic @meimei3841 @roseliali

#a miraculous tiktok account #ladybug #marinette dupain cheng #carapace #nino lahiffe #chat noir #adrien agreste #rena rouge #alya cesaire #queen bee #chloe bourgeois #miraculous team #miraculous fic #ml fic #chloenette #chlonette #adrino

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traineecryptid · 4 years ago

Text

alright ive been tagged in some stuff, lets go

1. Check-up tag by @s1utspeare

(feel free to self-tag! i never know who to tag cuz reasonssss)

How has your day been? Not bad, very achy all over but i slept the entire afternoon, this collection of tags is giving me sth to focus on and twitter seems to be popping so im quite pleasantly distracted for now.

What was the last thing that made you smile? my nap. i woke up and went "im so pro at napping yoooo"

What's keeping you entertained these days? The ~internet~ and any wacky ideas that i come up with (the lastest one being: can i make a sushi mat? answer is yes but it looks kinda ugly and i should have just bought on for 2 bucks) (and also the way my laptop keeps breaking down is entertaining-ish but i really wish itll stop happening to me)

If you are in quarantine/self-isolation, is there anything you'd like to achieve during this time? If not, anything you want to achieve in general? P sure i have a list of things i want to do but also like if i think about it i will panic so ig not. no thoughts head empty, just floating through.

Post a selfie (if you are comfortable with that) sure, here u go. my hair is longer now and grey, and im wearing pants tho it looks a bit sus

2. Catch-up meme by @alxina

(not gonna tag 9 people, thats way too many people)

favourite colour: black but for /accent shades/ maroon, dark green, blue but specifically the shade of my two blue nail polish and all sorts of pink.

last song/album: 依兰爱情故事 (song) which came up on my spotify recs awhile ago and is now in my likes, was listening to it last last (last?) week when i went out to get takeout for dinner. i dont listen to music much recently. also seldom listen by album.

last movie: i....dont remember....not a big movie person...might have been yin yang master? like 4 months ago i kept meticulous track of what i watched but then i deleted my internet history and lost a bit of progress and havnt gotten back onto it.

currently reading: social media feeds lmao and between dusk and dawn when it updates. was reading so much computer stuff ystd day tho.

currently watching: tik...toks....? was catching up w the new season of buzzfeed unsolved two days ago+my usual rotation of streamers that i now watch/listen in the background of other tasks

currently craving: bubble tea. and tamagoyaki, my beloved. and salt...in general i want salty...stuff...

coffee or tea: coffee if i can put (and in the mood for) ice cream on it, else tea i guess. (boba tea dont count) im more of a soda person.

3. URL Tag Game by @undyingsunshine

(spell out your url with song titles, then tag as many people as there are letters in your url (no))

i put them all in a nice spotify playlist, lmk if ya give it a listen 👀👀

#get to know me #long post #tag game #Spotify

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shiro-0197 · 4 years ago

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Heyyy love!! Please hold me back I'm gonna fight your pillow >:( tho I am glad you're better. It's good that the pill and water helped :) cheese and Netflix sounds so good right now, what are you watching?

I really understand that, at least you'll get to celebrate it with more people, and that's already such fun. I also had a thought. When new year's eve finally rolls around, Malaysia will be in 2021 two hours earlier than Kazakhstan. I'll be sure to message you during that time period, 😝😝 aaaah that'd be so cool, dont you think?

Omg that is really cool, so it's like adding oc's in the storyline!!! 😣 Kouki Yoshido and Aito Okada sound cool, I already like their positions 🤚😼 and that requires a lot of planning, I'm sure it'll keep you guys busy (in the best way possible, because it's also fun to work on stuff with your friends) tho noooo, please don't say that, I love hearing you talk about stuff, and something you're passionate about like this? Yes please my heart is MELTING 😣💖 makes me love you all the more (which I didn't think was possible ;-;)

omg then you'd love a dish we have here!! I had it earlier, which is why I asked you that question. it's called "pan mee" and it's like, SPICY noodles, with dry chili, pickles, egg, and minced meat and it's so good 😭😭 (and yes I ate it for lunch! Proud for not skipping today xD) tho yes since it's both spicy, and noodles, I think you'd like it. It's a dish native to the Hakka Chinese, and since my grandma was Hakka, she loved it too. Just googled plov. It looks epic :>

aw that cafe sounds wonderful. I really hope you'll someday find it again, and be able to try the green tea :) tho I totally agree with what you've said about pizzas and quiches 😣😣 they finish wayy too fast and before you know it, the whole pizza is gone :<

ahhh Molly sounds like such an adorable name, you must've had a great time with the parrot. (He sounded like such a darling...) It's a shame :( I'm sorry to hear that >:(((

omg that logo was so pretty! The blues 😍😍😍 Here's ours... It's transparent too, so I hope you can see it xD (Leo stands for "leadership, experience, opportunity" which is lame ik😣 but oh well— we're basically a social service club with a whole lot of protocol)

AHH yes Rowling just makes all potterheads look bad. I loved the series ever since I was really young, and I've read the books multiple times, but the author as a person?? Nope. 🙀 I also had a project presentation earlier, and I'm v sure I screwed it up but uh nevermind 😭😣😣😣😣

That gif nooooo skjdksks too cute. And omg what you smile when you think of me? Combusting rn, that's so sweet I'm flustered

I love you so much :)

—Ari

Helloo!!

Ahah, sunshine, would a hug hold you back?^^" Please dont fight my pillow, its ruined as it is now hehe~ really though, the kids messed it up so bad😩

I'm watching Alice in the Borderland, you might've seen Kuro watching that in his stories too, (I checked the name in google and apparently it's also a manga😳 might read it later) It's pretty cool, I only watched two episodes but it's already awesome. It's a good watch, though theres blood and death and sexual scenes, so be careful~

I didnt even think about that, haha! I'm looking forward to it♡^з^ I'm sure itll be amazing!!

I'm really glad you think so, surprisingly those two are my most treasured children😩 even though I wasn't the one to create them XD still I think they're nice little kids. I'm hoping we finish the team soon so I could show you each of them😭

Ehhh I'm glad to hear that~ Its the only passion I have at the moment, and ... did I say that already??? I think I did. Or??? Either way, its really dear to me, and tbh if Liza wasn't busy we'd probably finish it all a lot quicker:( I feel bad cuz shes got a strict mom, but when we're on call they seem to have a pretty good relationship aside from when they're commanding her, so I guess it's not as bad as I thought. Still, she's busy, and barely finds time and place to draw.

Sorry, I'm gonna carry on about Liza for a little bit, because I'm really proud of how shes becoming lately--- I moved out of town a few years ago, maybe three or something, and to be honest I haven't really expected her to improve so much?? It's still got a few problems, but to be honest, the first time I saw her drawing I almost cried because I felt so proud, as I was the one to actually help her with the basics. I guess that's what being friends with artists does to you, but still I got really emotional when I first saw her improvements XD

Oh my god, SPICY NOODLES?? PICKLES????? EGGS????? MINCED MEAT???? SIGN ME THE HELL UP I AM ON MY WAYYYY I am definitely cooking you some plov and I really hope you like it😭😩

I hope so too!! ~and it especially sucks when you're in a big family, Kuro's been crying about how he got one slice of pizza when the kids ate everything every time💀 makes me wanna adopt him even more tbh JSHDJSJD

He was!! That month was hard because my dog also died, I miss them all so much🥺

OH it looks so good!!! The abbreviation (is that the word😭) is really cool too?? I love the lions hehe, big hairy cats go grrr

True true true, I absolutely can't stress enough how much struggle it is when the author is a bad person. I've been listening to a group, but the leader is an abusive/manipulative prick apparently, so the songs are like a guilty pleasure. I literally cant stop listening to them cuz their songs are the most relatable thing I've ever heard, but yet, it's sad to see that the one who wrote them is not a good person :<

Oh, I'm sure you didnt? I dont know the details though, but even if you did, please dont worry!! I'm sure you got the point through, and that's what's important:) No one can do everything perfectly, so dont stress about it<3

Hehehhe, no way, you're cuter😠❤❤ of course I do, your messages are one of the main sources of serotonin for me😝💞

I love you too!! Hope you're doing good<3

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mournfulpursuit · 5 years ago

Text

Safety blanket chapter 5: Something in common

Leon s Kennedy X F!reader

Word count: 2,788

Author notes: this took way longer to write than I thought it would but yeah I did it, it’s here.

Also bolded and italic things are inner thoughts just to clarify.

You stared at the syringe for what felt like an eternity. Many said that Umbrella itself was just a front and they actually made bioweapons to sell to the military, you remember hearing about after the arklay mountains incident. You had found a radio when you were wandering around that had mentioned many things about Umbrella and that they may be responsible for whatever was happening in Racoon city.

Many still didn’t really know what was happening inside Raccoon city. Your hands began to tremble as the syringe shook in your hand. You looked at it more closely looking for clues on what it was. All it had was the umbrella logo and had a green circle on it with the letter v under it. You had no clue what this was or what it could do. If it was a blessing or a curse you had no way of telling, you just had to hope for the best. Your thoughts were interrupted by what sounded like footsteps in which you stuffed the syringe back into your pockets. You didn’t know if it was Leon or not so you kept your guard up.

“(Y/N), I found some supplies that could help-”, he cut himself after he noticed you’d been crying, “hey are you ok?”, he asked you

“Oh yeah I’m uhh fine, I was just thinking about things”, you said looking down sadly

“Was it about Maria?”, he looked at you still with immense guilt.

“Oh no it was about what happened on the day...the day raccoon city became this hellhole”

“Oh”, he said sadly, “well I found you some herbs”, he smiled at you. He then walked towards you and bent down on his knee and gently grabbed your foot.

“This may hurt a little bit because i’m probably going to have to touch the bruise, he said nervously, “if it hurts to much just tell me”

“It can’t hurt as bad as it already”, you said smiling at him, “besides I’m a pretty tough cookie”

Leon nodded and grabbed out some bandages before grabbing the herbs and grinding them up and placing them on some of the bandages. You quickly realized what Leon was doing.

“You're making it into a poultice aren’t you?”

“Huh?” He looked up at you confused, “yeah I learned it in first aid training at the academy”

“Oh um my mom.. before she met my dad used to be a nurse, after my parents got married they moved away into the country where they took up that lifestyle”, you said reminiscing about your parents, “they were to far away from any hospital so my mom just helped my dad with farm life, she did know some herbal remedies though”

“So I take it you're not from this neck of the woods huh?”he said, starting to wrap the bandages around your ankle.

“Nope I grew up in a county not really that far from here, I just moved here about 2 months ago before all this happened, I had recently gotten hired as a phone operator”

“A phone operator?”, Leon looked at you as if he were about to laugh

“Oh haha it’s not like I wanted the job, I wanted to be a nurse kinda like my mom, help people or something like that, I guess”

“I guess I can relate, I joined the force to protect and serve, I guess that might never happen”

“Hey, if we ever get out of here i’m sure you can work for another department”, you said smiling at him, “besides I think you're a pretty good co-”, You didn't finish your sentence because of the stinging sensation and pressure on your ankle causing you to grimace making your head reel back while you shut your eyes.

“Sorry”, Leon flinched by your reaction

“It's fine”, you gritted through your teeth, “itll feel better when you're finished”, you said, staring at him urging him to continue wrapping up your ankle. He continued to grimace and your leg strained trying to not kick Leon in the face. Your fingers dug into your legs and teeth still gritting.

“That should be good”, he said making sure you were ok

“Great”, you huffed out still recovering from the the strange burning sensation you had just felt, “I don't think it was supposed to hurt like that”

“Well did add some first aid spray to it”, Leon said rubbing his neck embarrassed, “are you ok?”

“Yeah I should be fine now, thanks”, you said getting up expecting your ankle to hurt way more than it actually did, “Huh that did work, thank you Mr Kennedy”, you smiled at him teasing him

“Well all in a day's work I guess”, He said laughing, he quickly looked back to the statue in the middle of the station. “Guess it's back to work”.

“Hmmm,”, you looked at him confused at what he meant.

“Oh umm before you got here, I was looking for these medallions for that statue over there”, he said point at it, “there’s apparently a secret way out if we find all three, I’ve found two we just need one more”

“I can help”, you said walking towards the statue, “it might be easier if there’s two of us”

“I don’t know, your ankle still is Hurt, I don’t wanna push you past your limits”

“Well I’m bored as hell and want something to do”, you pouted at him, “please let me help”

He hesitated for a moment before looking back at you, “fine you can come along but if I see you grimace even for a second I’m being you back, got it?”

“Yes sir”, you replied smiling at him, as you two prepared to go find the last medallion.

Leon handed you the shotgun again and scolded you not to waste too much ammo. The moonlight only added to the eerie atmosphere of the station. The sound of thunder caused you to jump and fall into Leon.

“Sorry”, you yelp out, “just got spooked by the thunder”, you said laughing embarrassed. Leon just rolled his eyes. You two continued exploring, searching for the last medallion. Leon stopped causing you to run into him.

“Leon what-”, he then shushed you, putting a finger to your lips. Everything was still for a moment until you heard a groan. Leon pulled out his gun and quickly fired. The zombie went down. Your face dropped as it reminded you of Maria but quickly snapped out of your thoughts and kept going. You were walking down a long hallway when you suddenly heard a helicopter crash.

“What the hell was that?”, you asked sheepishly towards Leon.

“I don’t know, wait here”, Leon went to check and quickly signaled you that it was safe. You walked over and saw the helicopter. You noticed the few sparks flying from it. You then noticed a pilot slumped over, your face grimaced due to his demise. You two were then startled by a woman's scream.

“Leon!”, Leon looked over towards a door that led outside, and quickly opened it, “Claire!, hold on I’ll be right there”

He quickly ran outside while you still stood in the hallway very confused and dumbfounded. you to go outside to find Leon talking to a woman.

“Claire, it’s so nice to see you”

“How’re you doing?, that helicopter just came out of nowhere”, you slowly walked down to see them and warn Leon as you saw the helicopter light on fire.

“Yeah i’m in one piece”

“i’m guessing you don't have a key in one of those fancy pockets?”, you interrupted their conversation by pretending to clear your throat, tapping your foot anxiously.

“Oh umm hi”, you said to the woman awkwardly with an even more awkward wave.

“So this uh (Y/N )'', Leon said to her, “I kind of saved her'', he said rubbing his neck embarrassed.

“I’m Claire, Claire Redfield”, she said to you with a smile

“(Y/N) (L/N), nice to meet you”, your conversation with her was interrupted by Leon.

“So how are you doing?”

“Oh you know just surviving”, Claire said leaning on the fence

“That's good”, Leon chuckled out,there was something about Claire that made Leon act a little differently, “any luck with your brother?”

“No not yet”, she said looking down at the ground

“Claire don’t lose hope..i’m sure we’ll find him”, as he said that the helicopter exploded causing you to tense up.

“Dammit. You know what that means”, he said towards Claire

“Yeah.. Dinner. Time.”, Claire said looking behind her noticing a zombie getting up.

“Claire, I think you should go”, Leon said to her as you just stood there feeling very out of place.

“Don’t worry about me Leon, take care of yourself”, soon zombies were swarming the gates by Claire.

“You need to go, now!”Claire began to walk away and quickly turned around back towards you and Leon.

“Hey...Lets get through this”, She said to Leon then turned her eyes towards you, “All of us”, she then walked away from the gate and soon disappeared leaving just you and Leon.

“So uhh who was that, well I guess I should say how do you know her”, you asked him

“I’ll tell you later we should go”, he said leaving the gate and going back into the station, “come on” he said motioning you to come back inside.

You didn't know what it was the way he spoke to Claire but it made you feel something, you couldn’t describe it but the way he said those words made it feel like he cared about her, he hoped he felt the same way about you.

“(Y/N)!”, he shouted out you getting your attention, quickly tearing you away from your thoughts and quickly running back the stairs, he looked down at your ankle, “hey be easy its not fully healed yet”

“Yeah, yeah I know”, you said rolling your eyes heading back inside, “so where's that madallion you were talking about?”

“Well we still have to find it”,he said turning towards you, “it should be around here somewhere, we’ll just have to look for it”, he sighed out.

You two continued walking around the station looking for the medallion, Leon did explain a few things to you when he knew the area wasn't zombie infested. Most of the time it wasnt. Apparently he met Claire when he was heading to Raccoon City and needed to fuel up his car. After seeing a sheriff get killed he fought his way out as he described it and then met Claire. They drove into town together before getting seperated. That was the abridged version he gave you. You finally got to a room that had the medallion but it took you two a while to figure out a way to get out. Leon told you to stay back a few paces. Before throwing a grenade allowing you to finally get it. While you didn't mind the station you knew you couldn't stay here for long so a tiny part of you was excited.

“We just gotta put all three in the statue then we are out of here”, Leon said excitedly, “We just gotta figure out how we're going to get Marvin out of here”, your blood went cold when he said that. Leon said he was attacked by someone he considered a friend that had turned. Maybe Leon was a little too hopeful about this, you knew deep inside Marvin wasn't going to make it.

“Leon, h-”,you tried speaking words but you couldn't, your heart wouldn't let you tell Leon the truth.

“Huh”, he looked back at you confused. Your heart was pumping hard and fast, you hoped he didn't hear you now what, what could you possibly say now.

“I’m just excited to finally get out of here”, you said to him with a shaky smile on your face. He could tell you were hiding something.

“Is something on your mind?”, he turned around and fully looked into your (E/C) eyes, his pretty blue eyes staring into your soul. Your heartbeat once again quickend causing you to sweat nervously. You never were a good liar. You thought of something that had been bugging you for a while.

“It's just my parents”, you said looking down at the ground, “I hope they're safe, and know I'm safe”, you put your hand over your heart and smiled softly thinking about them.

“Have you been able to contact them at all?”, he asked you sadly, you could tell Leon cared about your well being which made you happy.

“No and i’m kind of glad I haven't”, you said looking up at him, “knowing them they would drive all the way down here to find me and the last thing I want is for them to get stuck in this mess”

“I’m sure they're fine, I knew nothing that had happened in this city til I got here”, his words made you feel a little better about everything, “let's go see how Marvin is doing”, he said smiling at you. Something about that smile made you feel safe.

You went back to the reception area and headed towards the statue. You noticed Marvin laying there looking very lifeless.

Please not yet

Leon placed the medallions into the statue and watched as it turned into a staircase, you were mesmerized by it. You looked over to Leon who looked very excited as he pushed the door open, he quickly turned back to Marvin. Your face dropped slightly.

“Lutennent Branagh! Marvin!”, he said walking towards him, Marvin still wasn’t moving

Leon please don’t

You reached for the shotgun Leon gave you , not pulling out but to be able to grab it if necessary.

“It’s time to go”, Leon was closer to him now he reached for him, “Hey Marvin”

Marvin immediately jumped up and growled causing you to flinch, Leon seemed unfazed. Marvin hasn't turned..yet. You put your back towards your side, no longer reaching for the shotgun. It hurt knowing he wasn’t going to make it. Marvin breathed heavily for a few moments.

“We need to get you to a hospital right now ,both you and (Y/N)”, Marvin looked up and saw your eyes realizing you knew what he was going to say, you simply nodded at him

“No..no..I”, he stopped for a second, “Save yourselves”, he said standing up. Leon still tried to get Marvin to come with him.

“Come on, I’ve got you-” he cut off by Marvin

“GO!”, he yelled at Leon, you just stood there staring at the two of them.

“Look we can still make it out of here, if you give me-”, Leon was cut off and taken by surprise as Marvin pulled out his gun.

“It’s too late”, Marvin said with a sadness in his voice . You placed a hand on Leons shoulder causing him to jump as you startled him a little

“Leon we have to go”, you told him, looking him in the eyes, you pointed towards the secret exit, “come on”, he looked back towards Marvin.

“I tried Leon..but I couldn't stop it”, His voice was shaking slightly, “We can’t let this thing spread, it's on you now, both of you”, he said looking back at you, your eyes became wet as your vision blurred slightly from the tears forming in your eyes. You probably would have sobbed but you had been through enough that it didn’t faze you. You were used to death and getting left behind, you were numb to it now.

“Listen to (Y/N), and just go!”, Leon finally gave in.

“I understand”, he said defeatedly, he stood for a moment before heading towards the statue. Marvin removed his bloody hand from his wound.

“I’m sorry”, you whispered to him, “I wish I could of helped you”

He looked up at you and gave a sad smile, “just promise me you’ll look out for each other”

“We will, I promise”, you smiled at him one last time before joining Leon by the statue. The statue closed back up and you saw Leon Look back towards Marvin before the statue completely shut. You just stared forward.

“I won’t let you down, Marvin”, Leon said to himself before continuing down the stairs.

“I guess we have a lot in common now”, you tried to joke but you could definitely tell Leon wasn’t up for your sense of humor right now. So you sulked down awkwardly realizing how much it hurt Leon to leave Marvin behind. It’s a tough lesson that always came back to haunt you, Not everyone can be saved.

#leon kennedy x reader #resident evil

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paulwalltran · 5 years ago

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Dungeons and Dragons Loneliness

Another interview with lofi music. Today was a pretty shitty day, alot on my mind. Here to unload.

Today’s mood: Fuck it all...

It’s a mad addiction, a horrendous one. It’s all I think about, it’s all I want to talk about. Or almost anything fantasy related. I’ve recently gotten a little closer with one of my co workers. Delerner Banks, everyone calls him Del. He’s always in the tunnel, and always brings warhammer books to read and do work (whatever it is he’s working on.) We talk about fantasy related things all the time, and sometimes we bounce ideas off each other, feeling out our thoughts of settings and lore. Talking to him about some fantasy before leaving work made me feel alot better. The loneliness inside has been eating at me.

I know it’s salt, I know its jealousy, that I’m mad at my friends. They been hanging out more without me, playing cards and shit. Its not a passion of mine, its fun sometimes, but its still not me. Its what they bond over, its what they do together, and that’s what theyre into. If I had to guess, they’re okay with Dungeons and Dragons, but even my best friend said that I take it too serious. Its fallen out of their favor, it eats up a lot of time, and they each have their version of what a fun campaign would be like. In me, I said to myself, “Fine, fuck it. I’ll have to assemble another crew to play with.” Tough situation then isn’t it? Wanting to play a social game that needs bodies, during an age where social gatherings are frowned upon, because they carry a potential to spread a virus... Still, this is what I want to do. I want a group of friends, who share the same passion I do. My current friends must think ill of me, they may just want to hang out. They think that if they come hang with me, I’ll want a game of DnD without a doubt. They just want to chill and kick it, they don’t want to roll dice. But ask me once and I’ll tell you yes twice, to playing DnD.

I love it with all my heart, all of the contents and materials are here, ready to play. No extra investments, no money needed to be spent, we can get going off of nothing like we did back then. A table top roleplaying game, we started with cardboard and lego figures, and just two books to share. But there was fun to be had, and a few heated sessions. But fun it was, the more we played the deeper i grew fond of the game. I’m even willing to experiment with other systems if I have someone to guide me. With cards, you gotta constantly update your arsenal to keep up with the meta, and let’s be real, not playing anything remotely close to meta isn’t as fun. Different formats allow different decks, and to keep current you gotta keep up. I dont have the fundings for it, I dont have the luck. I would rather buy a module that’ll last for years, versus a pack of cards. I have two books that have skyrocketed in value, cards go up and down like stocks. But thats the appeal I suppose, I don’t care for it though.

Back to the thing at hand, I’m in their group chat as they make plans. I can’t be there for all that. But fuck it, that’s all Im going to say. Fuck it, on repeat, until its engraved into my head. Pride is getting the best of me, I refused to be denied again. If it’s not something they want to do, so be it, I need to look out for me in the end. I must muster up the courage to start playing online again, the first one wasn’t bad, but it fell apart. I need to get the courage to be social, and get over the fear that everyone expects you to be a pro player. I’m scared going into this green still, roll20 isn’t my forte. But if I want to play DnD, this seems to be my only option. It may fulfill my wish, to find friends who are just as passionate as I. My other friends, they’re over on the other side. Its fine, it truly is, they have one another, and I need to be strong. I need to find the strength in this loneliness, even though its tearing me apart. My circle becomes smaller, thats just the way of the world. Adapt to survive, be formless like water...

Dungeons and Dragons, my greatest escape. I can be anybody, and do things I normally can’t. I can clobber up bad guys, indecent folk, and finesse my way out of punishment from the law. I can save a village, a town, a kingdom, when I can hardly save myself. I can fly, cast spells, break locks, imagination is my only limit. I can hoard and amass vast amounts of riches, I myself can even become a dragon. I don’t have to be me, although a bit of me resides in everyone I’ve made before. I can never truly separate myself, from those Ive breathed life into. For hours on end, I can go anywhere, do anything, I melt into the world thats placed before me.

Because the reality is that I’m practically shit, and nobody. The world is fucked up and jacked up and spiraling down the drain. I’m mentally fucked and my physicality is pretty much the same. I’m stuck in place when the world is demanding me to change. I lost with no real direction. No map in hand, no guide, and I’m scared out of my mind. I don’t know whether to trust the process or commit suicide. Im not sure where I’ll end up, if it’s good or bad. Im struggling, I’m suffering, and there seems to be no end. I could say I’m trying, but I would be lying, if I had to look at the brighter side. The positive things in life are so hard to identify. But my emotions are raw and hit hard, slamming against the walls in my skull. Demanding me to give them attention...and attention I give them, as they tear me up. Like being pulled at by the limbs, drawn and quartered is the method it seems like today. I was thinking that I couldn’t drink forever, my body would eventually reject. But what if I drank energy drinks on end, a heart attack to get me out of this place. I can down those all day long, so whats stopping me from taking that way out of it? Less grotesque and violent, it’ll probably be painful as hell. An organ seizing up, as the body ceases the function. I get said thinking about it sometimes, but one day, enough will be enough. But damn that lady...damn her for speaking those words... Tomorrow. If nothing is better by tomorrow, then do as you may. But sleep it off, tomorrow is another day.

It’s not verbatim, but its the gist. Just wait for tomorrow, and hopefully things will change. The choice is still mine to make, and something in me pushes me forward, keeps me going on. Sometimes I think about who I’m leaving behind, and maybe how much it’ll hurt. The evil darkness inside me says that they’ll get over it, they have to, and time doesn’t wait. I won’t be immortalized, I’ll simply end up a statistic. That maybe itll be a few years the sadness remains fresh, but wounds always heal. Discrediting my actual existence, and any form of relations. Like I wouldn’t have made any actual impressions, people don’t weep for me now. People kind of forget I exist already, what makes me think they won’t after I’m gone?

I think about my folks, my grandma, my girlfriend, my second family, and other close dear friends. I think about how many last will letters I would have to put out there, before I call for the curtains. Sometimes, I say I will start writing them, but they give me pause. I end up not wanting to leave this world, after pouring out my heart. Because I don’t want to leave any questions behind for people who matter, I want them to know how I felt before I passed. I want to leave with them apart of me, so they would never forget.

Still it doesn’t change, shit is rough as of lately, work has been eating me up. I feel like Im never hundred percent, and me back on gaming is making it worst. I’ve gotten back onto Elder Scrolls Skyrim, its been my virtual version of DnD. Waiting for the Outer World Expansion, so I can get addicted to that again. All I want to do is play Dungeons and Dragons, the question is how do I make that into a living? I think being a Matthew Mercer is one in a million, I don’t think I’m that great. I’m willing to learn, grow, evolve because it is my passion, but I’m always scared of making mistakes. To be one of the greater Dungeon Masters, to be THE Wizards of the Coast Dungeon Master, it may possibly be the dream. To eat, sleep, breathe, Dee en Dee. My obsession isn’t that crazy though, I’m still behind on the lore of creatures and settings, I haven’t studied at all. But with the right drive and motivation, I would, especially with something as real as a legit group.

Enthusiastic players, who show up every week, bi weekly, once every month even, to play this fantastic game. Group of chill folks who is willing to take the Dungeon Master Mantle with I get burned out and have the desire to be in the player seat. One of those is the driving force, they make me want to plan. They make me want to make the world, the style, everything in general better, with the constructive feedback. I mean it’s been so long as I was a player in a campaign until the end, I’m beginning to think paying for a Dungeon Master wouldn’t be so bad. Once a month? A couple of hours? I mean I’m thinking like seven USD per hour? Eight isn’t bad, but after that it becomes a questionable amount. It repeats in my head, “No DnD is better than Bad DnD”, this much is probably still true. I say still because I still might want at least one session with said game, so I can at least say it was the worst after having attempt it, rolling something. Ha ha, I kid myself, I’m lying because I know the rage would be all to real and caution is my game most of the time. But I mean, I just might have to start exploring the idea, I was definitely going to ask on FaceBook if any Roll20 games was recruiting a newbie.

Alas, today won’t be the last time I speak on the matter, Dungeons and Dragons haunt me everyday. I stare at minis, I stare at the upcoming books and modules, and I watch youtube where they tell RPG Horror Stories, Its become a huge part of my life, such as dancing once was. It almost links right into my earliest talents...writing. I love to write, just like I’m doing now. Im fairly decent at the writing game if I must say. Hey, real life failed Bard here, I should make one who always ends up playing big bro, and end up being friendzoned by all his interests. Im short, so Halfling is very true. Am I charismatic? Who knows, I can’t say for sure. But yes, I feel like this is what I need, a solid weekly game, maybe once every two weeks, hell, once every month would still be great. Something to look forward to the very least, in this life of routine and mundane. Something to look forward to for me, something that’s my own. Something I don’t need my closer friends to be apart of, since they’re not interested anyhow. I’m really talking shit because I’m hella salty, but at least I’m being upfront. Get it all out now, before the typing is done.

It’s been a productive session, I may have to attribute it to Lofi it seems. The Lofi Hip Hop Radio on YouTube, also found on Spotify. Some tracks still strike me deep in the chest, giving me horrible flash backs and feeling in my chest. Others keep me going, forward, almost propelling. I’m currently training myself to be accustomed to the sounds, because I at first was very scared. That it would just transport me to a dark place and keep me there. I’ve been trying to confront my feelings more with this music, I think I felt better after last session like this. The more I faced myself, the better I became. Yes, I most definitely referenced Persona 4, another amazing and loved title because of the message it portrays. I always wondered what my shadow self would look like, and what they would say. But eh another time, I’m about to start rambling again. I have to conclude here, before I get off topic.

Until next time Tumblr...

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mugmyremarsh · 5 years ago

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getting (back) into trading

have YOU just joined (or rejoined) animal jam? do u wanna get into trading? do you just know absolutely NOTHING about rares? cool. im gonna try help you to the best of my abilities :'D also for this ill be typing pretty damn normally just so that its legible so yea!

first things first tho! what do you know about rares? im talkin like. do u know what a long collar is. do you know what its worth.

your answer is PROBABLY at least a BIT. which is sick! good for you (*not sarcasm) but if your answer is smth along the lines of. absolutely fucking nothing to a little bit then may i suggest: reading up on the aj worth wiki. i only rlly recommend this if you dont know a whole lot. bcus the sites listed worths are not really the most accurate but they can be a good way to get a vague idea of the shit show!! id reccomend starting with rims n then working your way up cbs -> dbs -> (short wrists) -> long wrists (etc)

alright alright! next. do you know what things are worth? how many dbs should you trade for a good wrist? what shorts are fair for a green long? (lol idk why but that soundz kinda funnie)

if u dont think you know the answer to those questions then id recommend !!!! going on2 instagram unfortunately. the animal jam community is at its peak there i think (the animal jam amino can be kinda useful too).

what you wanna do there is just see what kinda trades ppl r accepting n stuff. the aj community there posts trades a LOT n theyll ask people to comment smth like o/f/u. o/f/u is outdated for some reason n they use something else. o/f/u stands for over/fair/under btw. jus checked- now theyre using g/f/l standing for good/fair/loss. so yea! most trades on the tag are for ajpw so :] i guess!

another way to learn is just through practise. what are people willing to accept and what are they declining? this one can be a bit tricky because some people are very picky with what they accept but overall? still pretty solid

btw the learning process can take about a week or so!! but also im slow.. at things. so hopefully itll be quicker for u!

finding people to trade with.

this shit is HARD. most jammers just go into aldan or wootmoos den. specific places in aldan are coral canyons, temple of zios, bradys lab (big boys only). ofc these places r only sometimes full of people. places which for sure have ppl is about any jamma township. trading parties are also popular!!

if u wanna be a cool kid u can post ur offers ~online~ main place id go to are the aj worth wikis and comment on either the item you are offering or that youre offering for ;w; makes sense right. you can also post your offers on instagram (tagged with animaljam) or the animal jam amino. i unno theyre both p good options.

actually getting shit 2 trade. well if ur gonna trade u need shit 2 trade ykno?

if youre a member, like every other person will say, i recommend the forgotten desert!! just host it or find sm1 else hosting it. it doesnt usually take very long for it to fill up. another thing- finding a group of people who will do it over and over again w you so you dont have to find new people every time.

if youre doing tfd (the forgotten desert) you wanna avoid doing the purple crystals. they waste time and u still get shit prizes from them. there were like. myths that youd get a headdress if you did them.. not true. jus do not bother w them. have your map open when you play tfd so you can see where youve already been n stuff, playing with audio helps cos youll hear a sound effect when youre able to collect a shard (useful for yellow 1z). its possible but unlikely that youll get a spike but i mean hey! i got my first spike from tfd!!! it was a yellow long! also be sure to pick up ground chests. there was a rumour that opening those would worsen your prizes which again. isnt true lol.

if youre a nm then i think people tend to recommend replaying the first adventure over and over again. i dont rlly have a lot to say abt this. its pretty simple.

and ofc :) the third way 2 get rare. the most... well i unno how to describe it but its something. ENTER GIVEAWAYS. you can find giveaways on instagram and youtube. honestly takes nothing to enter them and you have a chance of getting good stuff!!!

AAAND if youre artistic!!! enter art contestz!!! these dayz people barely enter art contests meaning that you have a higher chance of winning!!! and also! think about setting up animal jam commissions. post your art on the animal jam amino to get traction, people are more likely to see your commissions there!!! finding art contests is best on instagram though.

alright!! thats about all i have to say.. might add more in the future. but another thing. if youre trading then TRADE. offer for others peoples stuff. dont just sit in aldan and say unwanted on trd. alright. thats super not efficient!! also dont resort to scamming people? thats an asshole move.

next time! i wanna write abt how ppl subconsciously treat nms and unrare looking people while trading!!! ill link that here if i ever write it lol.

#:'P #animal jam #jamblr #kittie.txt

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roughentumble · 5 years ago

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i watched the poughkeepsie tapes and, ignoring everything else about it, i seriously legitimately at the end of the movie went "huh, thats a cool twist. the serial killer is the one making the documentary," but i cant.... find anyone else saying as such online

like!!!!! to me, it makes so much sense. the obsession with filming, the occasionally odd interview questions("do you [admire him]?", the entire interview with Cheryl), the fact that he's already proven to be someone who taunts the police and likes to insert himself/make his presence known somehow, it feeds into how "intelligent" and "good at hiding his tracks" they said he was, it adds a beautiful layer of irony at the end when the cop is like "man when yr documentary comes out we're gonna be watching the theaters, he'll come see it, mark my words," it explains why there was so much graphic footage that would NEVER be allowed in a documentary, and it could also explain the MISSING TAPES(he kept some of them in order to have footage for the documentary)

also i figured at the end, either cheryl's death was faked and then he went and picked her up(although that seems a bit elaborate), OR she did actually kill herself, because he left AGAIN and didnt take her AGAIN and she was too devastated to handle it.

plus, if he's that vain and intent on documenting his story and his crimes WITHOUT getting caught or revealing personal information, then surely a long movie where you hear about all his crimes, step-by-step, and also all the cops are admitting that he's a genius who gave them the run-around and saying they might never find him, where we learn nothing about who he is in the slightest except that he was so good at murder, would be pretty appealing to him.

so like you can imagine my surprise when i dont see ANYONE else mentioning it lmao. so after that i gave it another thought.

admittedly, it does raise a few issues.

1) the cheryl interview. the weirdness of some of the questions couldve just been awkwardness in the face of someone so clearly and extensively traumatized. she didn't fall over herself with joy about how "you came back for me!!!" but with how hardcore he trained her, i think he could easily get her to act like she doesnt know him. in general, her acting here works for being read as both "abuse victim and no other reason" and "youre pulling a con and im in on it but i dont know the plan and im Flighty and Nervous(and also an abuse victim)."

the "i dont know what you want me to say," is completely applicable whether he's the killer or not. she's either saying "i dont have an internal barometer yet for what answer you specifically are looking for from me, so i dont know what to say," or shes saying "im frightened that if i answer that im happy to be home youll be mad at me for saying i missed it, but if i say im not happy to be home itll make your documentary unconvincing, you didnt fill me in on what you wanted from me(possibly on purpose to distress me) and im scared of the repercussions of me making the wrong choice." the stuff at the end about how she loved him makes just as much sense if its not the killer, but when i saw it i read it as a semi-coded message. "i love him(you), and i know he(you) will sweep me away from here soon, *makes heavy eye contact with the camera man*"

2) the mother didnt recognise him, and no one recognised his voice from the tapes. this ones a big sticking point, but if hes so meticulous at preparing crime scenes and has such a wide array of tools and "toys", he must have a decent amount of time and money on his hands, so he couldve possibly hired a dude off, idk, craigslist to interview the mom. as for his voice, he was only ever shouting and growling in the tapes, but the interviewer was very quiet and softspoken whenever he did speak. possibly that was enough to make him sound different? he was shown using sign language at one point, so maybe he hired an interpreter and signed questions to obscure his voice, so the voice we hear when the interviewer speaks would actually be the interpreter's voice.

3) i guess, thinking about it, documentaries usually have a whole crew, not just the guy doing the interviews but a lighting guy and a sound guy and a camera guy and an editor... but again, he doesnt lack the resources to do time-consuming and expensive tasks, so i dont have a hard time believing he'd be able to cobble together a small crew, just bare-bones enough to technically function.

actually, if he had something to mount it on, he wouldnt need anyone to hold the camera, and he could set up the lights and sound himself before he starts each take. and i cant imagine he'd let anyone construct his magnum opus except himself, so he'd do the editing. itd be work, but he could probably pull off being a 2 man crew(him+either an interpreter, or a craigslist interviewer.)

4) if he did, indeed, take the missing tapes in order to use them in the documentary, then as soon as it was played somewhere, theyd find out this was previously unseen footage and theyd know he was the killer. BUT if he gave them fake info and didnt leave any dna, they might not be able to find him. BUT ALSO itd be nearly impossible for them to not get him on surveillance footage, so he'd have his image spread around like wildfire. but then again, this issue could be solved by just saying "ok he used footage from the tapes in police custody. the other ones were special, possibly mementos or future breadcrumbs to taunt the police with."

idk. idk!!!!! i think my theory holds up. i think it makes a lot of sense, and also its literally the only reason i can think of that such graphic scenes would EVER be allowed-- or put-- in a documentary... because he doesnt care about censors or ratings(like pg-13 sort of ratings) or legality. all he cares about is showing off and preserving his legacy. he led the cops to the house because he wanted them to see the tapes, yaknow?? he wanted someone to see them.

like!!! the interview segments, while not perfect, were good enough that i felt more than a little jarred when we just straight up saw mr. serial killer decapitate someone. and not, like, a good jarring, like how horror movies are supposed to be upsetting. it just brought me out of the experience and felt so fake it was almost goofy. it was preposterous. (and also the effects were a little cheesy/plasticy in that scene, so that didnt help.)

a regular editor, putting that clip in, unblurred? who. who on gods green earth would ever do their job that poorly

a vain serial killer who wants people to see his creepy snuff films putting in that unblurred clip? extremely logical. makes sense.

#long post tag #very long post tag #sorry for how long this is yall #the poughkeepsie tapes #i just. idk for some reason i literally thought #not just that it made sense but that it was CANON #i didnt think it was subtext i thought it was text. i was so confused when wikipedia didnt mention the Big Reveal

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