#beyond resonator
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
sometimes family is a regular man, his surprisingly smart (and capricious) cat, his phoenix husband, the antichrist, an amorphous slime boy, a nature sprite, a gnome, a wyvern, a shapeshifter, a yeti, a much older and more powerful nature sprite, and her girlfriend the mayor
#void keith talks#gods i love The House In The Cerulean Sea and Somewhere Beyond The Sea so fucking much. they're my new favorite books#they nearly brought me to tears like. eight times. which is definitely saying something cuz i almost never actually cry at media i consume#they're good. they're SO good. honest!!!#wasn't quite sure why the first one resonated with me so much until i opened Somewhere Beyond The Sea and the dedication was-#“this is for the trans community” and i was like OH. so THAT'S why i liked the first book so much#also i just fucking love all of TJ Klune's books that i've read so far#their writing style? FANTASTIC. even in the different genres they've written. they just have such an excellent writing voice#the house in the cerulean sea book#somewhere beyond the sea book#the house in the cerulean sea#somewhere beyond the sea#the house in the cerulean sea book tj klune#somewhere beyond the sea tj klune#at my heart i am a book nerd so obviously i have to post about it sometimes#cerulean chronicles#linus baker#arthur parnassus#and the baker-parnassus children (and the powerful sapphic women are also part of the baker-parnassus family)#AND CALLIOPE! i can't believe i forgot calliope the cat. please forgive me#bookblr#tj klune books
153 notes
·
View notes
Text
don't think about it
#in stars and time#isat#siffrin#isat siffrin#isat spoilers#thinking about siffrin being the only one to remember the loops while being defined by their amnesia#how sometimes the loop number skips forwards bc siffrin cant keep track. and he cant remember specific loops well#so even though it all lingers and drags him down he cant even name it. just like they cant name their country.#and it all just adds to their disassociation and self loathing#because its all on them to remember and they cant even do that#as someone whose memory has been getting worse and worse bc of adhd and stress and maybeee covid this game really resonated with me#literally sat on this for a while trying to quote something abt memory from the game but couldnt remember anything. beyond parody
209 notes
·
View notes
Text
A Queer and Asian review of Xanthe Zhou + Spirit World
I haven't exactly been thorough about how I specifically feel about Xanthe Zhou as "representation" for people like me and a part of me didn't want to be too harsh since they're a fan favorite and I'm sure the writer did their best and what not- but there is this sense of "I'm not even whelmed I'm underwhelmed" by Xanthe as a character. I don't dislike them, but I can't say I'm a fan if I don't find them particularly interesting.
I'm sure for a lot of people the idea of a Chinese non-binary anime sword wielding, bomber jacket wearing, shaved cut having, envoy between the living and spirit world character is a novel concept. But when you've lived the reality this character attempts to represent (ghosts and spirits are a tuesday where I'm from) and have sought out that representation from within your own communities, Xanthe pales in comparison like a really corporate product. So I want to talk about intersectional storytelling and what a holistic queer Asian superhero could look like.
Again I'm aware Spirit World was written by a queer Chinese author (+ an all Chinese team) and as a fellow author who has to navigate mainstream publishing and deal with attempts at sandpapering authenticity for capitalism I want to stress that I Get The Struggle. But I'm allowed to be critical of how the final product turned out. Some of this is subjective musing even.
Here's the premise of Xanthe Zhou's character: When Xanthe was a very tiny kid, they were run over by a car when they were walking alone at night in the rain. They're resurrected by a powerful spirit called Po Po to be the half-dead, half-living Envoy of the Spirit World.
Everything about Xanthe is exhaustively corporate for me. Like industry planted representation designed to be as safe as possible and attempts at being intersectional are limited. Spirit World features Cassandra Cain Batgirl and John Constantine Hellblazer because that's how we get Asian and queer DC fans to hop onto out new queer Asian character! Xanthe doesn't get to stand out in their own world, or have an established cast system the way Kong Kenan gets to. Spirit World suffers from being a follow up to an Event comic, with all these characters crossing over- but it didn't rise to the challenge of including Batgirl and Johnstantine in meaningful ways. The story would've been better if they were replaced by characters unique to Xanthe's cast system.
I've become pretty cynical about scenes like this one. It's a scene where Xanthe is forcefully invited to have dinner with their family they haven't seen in years. The transphobic dinner pages made rounds on social media because "ooh look at John Constantine gendering a non-binary person correctly even when Xanthe's family keeps misgendering them", and "whoa even the magic system respects a trans person's name". It's free marketing, you can see comments on these posts asking what comic this is from to read more. People will start discourse over "Constantine going woke" and the defenders will pull up receipts that "John has always been a lefitst" and so on and so forth. I saw the promos for Spirit World, but these panels were what piqued my interest early on.
My twin and I were taking turns reading Spirit World- Jes asked Cin (who finished reading first) "so what about that transphobic dinner scene? Was it there? Are there other scenes that talk about it?" and Cin said "nope that's it. The rest is magic fight scenes and spirit world stuff." And honestly that feels calculated. It's like that Jenny Nicholson Star Wars Hotel thing: "whoa if they have this droid and this animatronic alien performer, imagine what else they have!" but nope. That's it. Just enough to fit in a tik tok promo. Just enough to fit in a tweet and make rounds. It's not like Alan Scott's Green Lantern solo, where his queer identity isn't limited to one scene designed to go viral. The whole narrative holistically discussed what it was like to be a gay man in that era. Spirit World on the other hand felt like it had a representation quota to fulfill before moving on to the generic Superhero Stuff- an entirely separate plot.
Then there's Xanthe and John. As a Hellblazer purist I already knew this was going to be a hard read for me since I'm not a fan of DC!Constantine but I've talked before about how Spirit World still has that appeal for me because sometimes og Hellblazer is a pain to read as a person of color. Maybe I can enjoy the fantasy of Constantine being an ally to an Asian person instead of fetishizing them like he did in those old Vertigo comics (people love to leave that out when they're defending Constantine as an ally but whatever). And people kept talking about how this is an elder and younger queer friendship dynamic and I love those.
So where was that? Sure, John genders Xanthe correctly over transphobic dinner and comforts them afterwards. But nothing he says or does is specific to a queer elder. Any ally or character can say these things or do these gestures. He doesn't speak from personal experience about how "it gets better" or "I know what it's like" it's just. "yeah throwing up in Gotham is great I do it all the time". Excuse me if I don't think that's substantial.
Ooh but the ghost of Johnstantine's ex boyfriend Oliver showed up! And then there was a bi joke about how John hooks up with a clone of himself a "dozen times" because he's such a slut amirite, gays. Diversity win. I expected bi jokes from DC!Constantine but marketing this as a queer narrative or generational friendship is a stretch.
Spirit World would've been a more holistic queer narrative if Wan Yujing, the villainous corrupted spirit that wanted to be remembered properly (or reincarnated, depends on the writer's mood)-was revealed to be a queer person. This would've been a fantastic opportunity to recontextualize Xanthe's personal transphobic encounter with their family into a larger systemic theme of queer historical erasure. The original meaning of a "dead name" is the idea that when a trans person dies, their family will put the wrong name on their grave. It's literally their "dead" name, erasing their legacy in writing. So why not include that in your conflict?
Wan Yujing is revealed to be a famous poet, slowly forgotten because "time erodes everything" (vague and bad writing btw). Why not pitch something more motivated and specific? Make it so that she wrote queer literature that was destroyed. Make it so that her lover was rewritten in history books as her "friend". Then when Xanthe makes the promise to remember Wan Yujing as she truly was, it'd be a holistic act of queer recognition and solidarity. But instead the resolution is just Xanthe Zhou promising "hey I'll remember you" and Wan Yujing just takes their word for it.
Can we talk about the huge missed opportunity of what this dialogue implies? Xanthe proclaims that they are both living and dead, granted the living's power to remember and the dead's immortality. Why was this not thematically paired with their experience as a non-binary person struggling in a cis-heteronormative world. Heck, why not pair this with how they're a queer Asian American, a perpetual foreigner wherever they go? Not Asian enough for traditional spaces, but not white enough for a majority of queer American spaces. Are we worried we'll scare off the white audience if this got too intersectional?
Xanthe gets more fleshed out under a different writer (Jeremy Holt) for one of the DC Pride stories (2023). Here, Xanthe talks about how being in the land of the living feels like going about a routinic obligation; "Reminding me that home isn't necessarily where the heart is". This is so much like the disassociated way trans people go about life before figuring themselves out. It's also like how a perpetual foreigner doesn't fit in anywhere. But it's not paralleled to that experience. The fantasy aspects of Xanthe Zhou the Envoy, are completely separate from the very few personal civilian parts of them. Like they're a Superhero first and a person second. The later half of this story gets overtaken by a team up with Batwoman, because once you have a new character set in Gotham you are at the whims of being absorbed into the greater Batfam conglomerate.
There's interesting concepts at the center of Xanthe's character. But it's hard to give credit to writing that doesn't follow any of that through. Xanthe's a hero motivated by making sure the dead are remembered and respected. That's a decent motivation in general, and a pretty resonant one for a queer hero-but everything surrounding the execution of that idea feels so half-assed to me. Xanthe's origin story has so many plot holes, it feels like it was thought up in 5 minutes.
Why was their death just some random car accident and not something more motivated? Why did the all powerful Po Po decide to resurrect them specifically? Where's the tension in any of the many excessive fight scenes in Spirit World, if Xanthe's apparently immortal? Also they age? What are the stakes for a character like this? This isn't even covering the shoddy writing for their transphobic family drama (Why did they just stalk their family after being resurrected? Why did their mom recognize them even though they've been gone and have aged for 15 years? so many questions ugh).
(why was this toddler walking around alone in the rain with their own umbrella. In Gotham. What is this-)
I casually propose that instead have Xanthe's origin be that they died as a runaway trans teen who went missing and was murdered. Maybe because the way police and society in general don't look into the disappearances of trans poc, Xanthe's death went completely unnoticed. Maybe as Xanthe's dying, Po Po sees their determination to fight for the forgotten and chooses to resurrect this kid specifically. Then we'd have a really motivated origin story that ties their identity to their heroism. Instead we get these over the top fantasy concepts + transphobic dinner with my talisman wielding mom.
Spirit World is a fun enough action fantasy with troubled pacing and generic MCU-quippy dialogue. It's so overwhelmed by it's own spectacle that we don't get a chance to get to know our new hero. What is Xanthe's character development? What flaw do they grow out of or overcome? If I'm honest outside of the attempt at quippy banter, what even is their personality? The ending is rushed; not only is the conflict resolved with Xanthe just promising to remember a dead poet, but they also make a deal to work with the Spirit World authorities. Because it's always so fun to watch queer people assimilate to the powers that oppress.
In one of these action sequences, I guess the writer decided there needed to be a semblance of themes to make it feel like the readers' time isn't being wasted. So while Cassandra Cain Batgirl from Detective Comics and John Constantine from Vertigo Hellblazer are holding the giant anime sword, Xanthe goes on an internal monologue about how change is natural and people's fears make them resistant towards it. Xanthe says that to embrace magic, "you need to look at everything you think you know about the way the world should be...and imagine something new."
It's a nice sentiment that isn't reinforced by anything else in the story, but it does make me think. What is "new" about Xanthe Zhou to someone like me who seeks out representation like this? I've seen queer characters with the shaved hairstyle, I've seen queer coded Asian girlies with the bomber jacket, heck I've even seen the giant anime sword. I kinda cringe at seeing "giant spiritual sword" at this point even. But you know what I don't see as often? In real life I've seen the bravest Asian queer people reclaim cultural hairstyles, clothing, practices and beliefs (that originally excluded them). I've seen them join communities and create entire subcultures and lingo in a way that would be unrecognizable to the typical queer readers who enjoy Hellblazer-but I certainly don't see it reflected in fiction a lot.
(Is it really new if I've seen it in a Disney movie)
The premise of a Chinese American non-binary half-dead-half-living Envoy for the dead is something so metaphysical in its intersectionality, world building, stakes and themes that it would require Sandman-levels of out-the-box creativity to pull off. Which is why getting a generic action adventure (+ one scene about transphobic dinner with the family) feels so disappointing. I wish Spirit World took its own words to heart; I wish it took everything we're used to, everything we've known about how the world is and dare to imagine something actually new.
#ramblings#jesncin dc meta#xanthe zhou#I'm not at all a hater btw- there's good and “eh” things about xanthe and I hope more writers can do them justice#i just need more heart. more specificity. something that resonates beyond the surface level.#this was originally supposed to be a short post but I kept going lol
128 notes
·
View notes
Text
Well the second RWBY Beyond was beautiful. I'm glad they're dealing with the consequences of Jaune's years in the Ever After.
Jaune: Do you... do you think we're gonna make it? Oscar: Around that campfire, did it matter?
Anybody else feel like they're talking about the show?
#rwby#rwby beyond#jaune arc#oscar pine#man i hope they get to keep going#CRWBY is really nailing emotional resonance#and this all deserves a real conclusion#greenlight volume 10#greenlightvolume10#save rwby
167 notes
·
View notes
Text
not to wade into discourse about shows online which I swore to stop doing but I think some of you need to recognize that not every piece of media is about you, and that focusing only on the themes that you personally identify with while erasing the ones you don't is Not Great
#some of you only know how to analyze things through a VERY specific queer lens that matches your own personal experiences and it shows#and I just think there is a lot more to enjoying narratives about having a complex relationship to gender in a very specific historical era#than arguing about what specific pronouns and labels they would use in 2023#and that white queer people reducing stories that are about a character's struggle with being multiracial#to *only* the queer elements that we identify with is. not great???#you can't separate these things you can't just ignore them#I'm obviously not equipped to do in-depth *commentary* on that aspect of mizu's character because I am in fact a white queer#that is for other people to speak about and I'm enjoying reading their takes on it#but like. you need to engage with media that is not about you. you need to assign artistic merit beyond what you personally identify with.#you can find things that resonate with you in them but you should not make the whole thing about you
182 notes
·
View notes
Text
still thinking about That Scene in chris grace as scarlett johansson and i want as many people to watch this as possible so under the cut it goes. watch this if you've ever been interested in representation in media and how it affects the way you perceive yourself
anyways so ive talked briefly about how i love a good full utilization of a format (link here) but now i wanna go more in depth on it bc i love it a lot
make some noise
jesus christ the first time i saw this i paused and started jumping up and down on my couch. let me start with basics !!! i love that the video of the show appears on the make some noise tv. its so unnerving to see something completely detached from make some noise now on the tv after watching dozens of episodes. and sam just saying the normal spiel he does every time leaves you wondering for a few extremely disorienting seconds if they just edited the video onto a normal episode until he starts to introduce chris and you see his nameplate is erased. another extremely disorienting thing because we NEVER see the nameplates empty and it ties in so well with the identity crisis currently happening in the show. he has no idea who he is as a performer like is the performer part of him the real part?? how much has been played up for entertainment??? and then after the horror has been slammed into you by the prompt and seeing chris as confused by all of this as we are, he runs off which leads to the thing that kept me standing on my couch for the next 10 minutes
very important people
first off. i absolutely love the coincidence (or intentional detail???? who knows but either way) of chris's first line on the make some noise set being "my name is..." because that's the thing that started vip !!!!!!! and throughout the rest of the existential crisis dropout trip he constantly says "hello my name is" too ough i love that so much thats why i started writing this whole post. very important people is the perfect show to add to this segment it makes me feel a little feral thinking about it. coming out on stage without any alterations to his appearance, again back to the idea of is the chris grace on stage the real chris grace?? can he ever be??? and again his name is gone like in the scene before. vic says "you can be anything you want" like the thing scarjo said to justify playing an asian character and he still can't come up with anything. then the card transition oh my godddddddd
dirty laundry
(side note i did say before that the cards on the vip set were dirty laundry cards. i was wrong they are vip card the designs just look very similar esp compared to s1 of vip)
this is gonna be way shorter than the two rambles above i just think it's really cool to use the dirty laundry question format for some identity crisis stuff. i don't know how to properly express how cool i think it is i don't think i can do it justice. the "who..." format for the cards is a great way of expressing how he is losing grip of his identity
this section of the post is also to point out that i am only noticing now that the "dropout presents" version of chris is seen on the couch at some point also heckling stage chris which is a nice detail especially since part of the card was "who is generally a hypocrite"
gastronauts
gastronauts hasn't come out yet so i can't analyze this as much as i'd like but to me it just seems like an extension of the thing started in dirty laundry of everyone confusing him for scarlett johansson. i initially see this as a reference to the fact that throughout the whole show it's been going deeper than him playing scarlett as she plays him and then her playing him plays her again, etc, but thinking about it more for this post makes me think it's like the line between the real person and character they play blurring. i think everyone in the dropout audience is pretty familiar with this like we know brennan pissed on game changer isn't actually how he is in real life, but it's extremely easy to fall into that parasocial trap. when you put so much of your actual self in a character or performance it's hard to find the line between, even for the performer. chris keeps saying that he's not scarlett but everyone insists it's who he is
#crunchyposts#chris grace#dropout#chris grace as scarlett johansson#sorry if this doesnt make sense this special makes me absolutely unhinged insane im gnawing at my enclosure etc you know#or if its just very surface level i am trying to get past the oh my god surprise factor i had and analyze it in terms of the Themes#i cannot phrase myself well rn. i need to eat this special#just like i resonate so deeply w this in my gut its beyond words#my fellow underrepresented queer people of color out there get me#i need to keep the tags short thats for its Own Post which i will write after a rewatch#that ones gonna be More Personal be prepared#im just gonna post this i dont care anymore look at my analysis this is my blog
35 notes
·
View notes
Text
i also finally watched the substance recently and i liked it. i also after 2 days pinpointed my mystery beef with it so i think i can say: i enjoyed that it has an extremely simple, straightforward premise which is explained just enough to create suspense. There's a mail-order kit that needs to be used a very specific way, but is extremely susceptible to human error and does weird body horror shit to you if you use it wrong. We don't know where it comes from or who invented it. great, we don't need to. i think this is really good plus there are some cool special effects and a few sequences i like could not watch bc they were too gross* which is an endorsement
however it's not a very grounded in reality film which is fine for the horror premise part but IMO is way too silly when it comes to like, the logic of the TV show the main character hosts that appears to be some kind of 80s workout tape but on network TV and gets like a sexier reboot that you absolutely could not show on American TV in the morning. but this is kind of funny and seems to be on purpose based on the general absurdism and sort of floaty unclear nature of the setting and time period etc, so YMMV. it just didn't 100% work for me
#beep boop#*i hate watching teeth falling out and fingernail trauma stuff so i was cringing so hard for an entire sequence LOL#my beef with from beyond is almost the opposite bc i feel like its premise is so underexplained that it's not scary#i have no idea what the parameters of the resonator or pretorius' powers are so idk when to be worried about the characters#i feel like nobody gives a fuck about my movie reviews but whatever it's my blog
20 notes
·
View notes
Text
Model references for Beyond the Clouds | Looking For My Answer (Honami Mochizuki) - Project Sekai: Colorful Stage!
#art references#art reference#model references#hatsune miku colorful stage#project sekai colorful stage#pjsk#prsk#project sekai#Beyond the Clouds#Looking For My Answer#Honami Mochizuki#Stick to your faith#Azure Resonance#l/n#dragaliaarchiveprsk
23 notes
·
View notes
Text
thinking about armand and the way he moves through the world. the way he desperately tries to grab onto stability and safety, as someone who did not truly know either as a human. every time he has stability, he has to work hard to keep his safety. it makes so much sense as to why he let the trial happen. but i think he very quickly became aware during the trial itself, that the coven was not safe nor stable. knowing louis was going to destroy the coven, paired with the fondness they had for each other, it made louis a safe option for him, having already taken the maître step. and i don't doubt that he loves louis, truly loves louis. but love does not mean that they're equal, or that there aren't ulterior motives. it's this line that armand walks, where he wants to be vulnerable, wants to not be in control, but the fear and anxiety within him don't allow him to actually make progress towards it. it's a push pull of feigned submission, where he lets louis take over in name, but cannot actually force his hands away from the controls. imagine being so desperate for safety that you end up sabotaging any relationship you have, because no matter what, you cannot trust them with your vulnerability, or to have your best interests at heart.
#tal.text#tal's meta#iwtv#armand#he's my favourite i admit but i also have so much sympathy for him. i get it. i get how he got twisted into this desperate terrified being#honestly this is a huge reason why he resonates with me so much. i am such a control freak and i can relate to a lesser extent.#i also genuinely don't think armand knows who he is beyond the context of the people he is with at the time but that's a different post#<- has a draft post about this. someone remind me to finish it#this is a messy thought more than a concise post. it was on the brain.
22 notes
·
View notes
Text
Marry, Smash, Kill
#jeffrey combs#john reilly#castle freak#he’d toss and turn all night and wake up with a shout#crawford tillinghast#from beyond 1986#He sleeps sweaty but soundly if you don’t turn on the resonator#d day#fortress 1992#he sleeps like a baby but he’s cranky if you wake him up early#he sleeps with his right arm up#how cute is that#reanimator
25 notes
·
View notes
Text
my energy has been low lately so i've stuck to just liveblogging chapter releases, but i was thinking earlier about why lore olympus really nettles me and it's truly indicative of a wider issue.
it's disappointing that a major ancient religion that is still practiced by some people today has been reduced to a caricature of itself, and i say this knowing that there are thousands of reinterpretations of the greek myths, there will always be a new opinion or retelling of them. retelling the myth of hades and persephone isn't necessarily the issue, so much as the constant and dripping disdain to the cultural roots. we don't need to be greek to appreciate the story, but why remove everything greek from it? why westernize every aspect and remove ties to the cultural roots? why whitewash everything from a myth thousands of years old?
part of the reason these myths continue to resonate with us is because the themes are still relevant today. the loss of a child, the struggle against impossible forces, the (often patriarchal) powers against you, a mothers love. these stories hold power, they gave hope and inspiration, they created meaning and connection, and they were vital to the people who lived in that time, in that place. they will resonate with us for many years still, but stripping the roots and core of it out only makes it a hollow, shallow imitation. it's reality tv with neon colours, no love or heritage present; it's cold and shiny and plastic, and it insults what it claims to portray.
#anti lo#anti lore olympus#i have more thoughts actually but putting them down coherently? difficult#also im procrastinating doing the dishes lmao#anyways i can remember in undergrad studying the greek myths and early playwrights#and the prof was talking abt the trojan war#and the way he explained was that the power of this myth was that it vastly exceeded greece#it reached further beyond the borders it stretched so far that the entire world knew of achilles and paris and hector#everyone knew helen everyone knew priam#when priam kisses achilles hands and says#for I have steeled myself as no man yet has ever steeled himself before me#and have raised to my lips the hand of him who slew my son#??? like? the raw grief and power of that???#and it is that grief of a father to the killer of his son that resonates with us still in modern times#but their home was still the ancient world in the dust and sea of greece and troy#they wore clothing and ate food and drank wine that was theirs#and when we strip it away we remove the core of the story#a father in troy whose son stole a greek bride and must watch as his family and people are destroyed#anyways idk what these tags are i am so sorry mobile users
48 notes
·
View notes
Text
the biggest thing about elegy is that it takes all of that unspoken isolation of this arc, and it slowly lets the audience in. the first thing that mulder says about the apparitions, is that they seem to be an "omen." an impending prophecy. and carefully, throughout the episode, both the audience and scully are waiting to see, not who the killer is, but what is being foretold. when they're going over records, and scully's nose starts bleeding, it's the one thing that they can't ignore. she wasn't even there in the previous episode. she was in the hospital. alone. they don't talk about it. she's "fine." she has "always been the strong one." just like in irresistible, years earlier, she does not want him to know how much she is struggling. but she doesn't have any control. it is dripping out of her. the sound of his voice when he says "oh, scully." and how quickly she responds "it's okay. i'm fine."
it's that kind of childlike grimace in him, the same man who flinches away from dead bodies and stares at the ground before his father. and she's so fast to try to restore order. it's okay. i'm fine. don't worry, i'll clean it up. i'll make it go away. when she disappears into the bathroom and sees an apparition there herself...i think she decides to go to the hospital because she just needs space, honestly. she's scared. he offers to drive her, to go with her, twice. asks, "you sure?" and she says, twice, "i'm fine."
elegy builds to two separate climaxes: the first, when mulder comes to scully's apartment. but before that, we see scully in karen kosseff's office, the same therapist that she had gone to in irresistible, and presumably has kept a relationship with in the years since. she tells karen that she's been diagnosed with inoperable untreatable cancer, and when karen asks, "you've kept working?" she answers, "yes. it's been important to me."
she's taken aback when karen asks why, is surprised at the question, and tells her "agent mulder has been concerned. he's been supportive, through this time."
KOSSEFF: Do you feel that you owe it to him to continue working?
SCULLY: (quickly) No. (pauses) I guess I never realized how much I rely on him before this...his passion...he's been a great source of strength that I've drawn on.
KOSSEFF: What happened last night, Dana?
SCULLY: I saw something. I, I don't know what to trust. If I saw it because of the stress, because the image had been suggested to me or if it was a suggestion of my own fears.
KOSSEFF: Your fear of failing him?
SCULLY: (exhales emotionally) Maybe.
this is such a rare admission from scully. first of all, she's being confronted. this is not normal. it is not normal to work to your death. it's like bill tells her, a couple of episodes later, "what are you doing at work, getting knocked down, beaten up? what are you trying to prove?"
(she hadn't even told bill about her cancer. she'd been sick for months. she thought she was going to die in memento mori, she knows she's going to die sooner than later. and she instructed her mom not to tell her brother. from the moment that mulder said "i refuse to believe that," it really was only going to go one way.)
she's being confronted. why are you working? (for mulder). do you feel you owe him? (no, i need him).
she's really alone. she's sick. like, she's really sick. she spent the last case in the hospital. she's having a hard time keeping up. she's thinning, and bleeding, and struggling. but there she goes, every day, at every hour. monster chasing. telling him she's fine.
(so much conflict comes from the way that mulder's ignorance perfectly enables scully's repression)
when he shows up, late, at her apartment, he comes in a mile-a-minute, about how he needs her "help" on the case, before asking her what her doctor said. (her answer, of course, being, "i'm fine.")
he tells her that everyone who has seen an apparition, was dying. every person who reported a premonition, was near death themselves.
SCULLY: Harold Spuller is dying too?
MULDER: Well, that's what I need your medical opinion on.
SCULLY: Well, what if he isn't?
MULDER: I would be very surprised. What is a death omen if not a vision of our own mortality? And who among us would most likely be able to see the dead?
this is one of the most hauntingly isolating moments of the series...he has just told her that she is going to die. and he doesn't know, that that's what he said. she is forced to process it, completely by herself. and she doesn't believe in ghosts, or "premonitions," but she knows that he is right. (when is he not?)
("maybe harold is sicker than we thought he was.")
the second moment that this episode builds to, is the final confrontation between mulder and scully. after the murder is solved. after harold dies.
SCULLY: I saw something, Mulder.
MULDER: What?
SCULLY: The fourth victim. I saw her in the bathroom before you came to tell me.
MULDER: Why didn't you tell me?
SCULLY: Because I didn't want to believe it. Because I don't want to believe it.
MULDER: Is that why you came down here, to prove that it wasn't true?
SCULLY: No, I came down here because you asked me to.
MULDER: Why can't you be honest with me?
SCULLY: (defensively) What do you want me to say? That you're right, that, that I believe it even if I don't? I mean, is that what you want?
MULDER: Is that what you think I want to hear?
SCULLY: (softly) No.
they come really...close here? to talking about it? she almost baits him several times this season. she spends so much of this arc thinking...maybe, this will be it. maybe if she fucks off on assignment, gets a tattoo with another man, he'll say it. maybe if she calls him out for never celebrating her birthday, he'll acknowledge why this is the year he did. maybe if they spend a friday night with a bottle of wine, they'll talk. maybe if she tells him, those things you believe are death omens? i saw it. he'll know.
i can't remember which one of you said that all of their arguments are just how to love each other. she doesn't want to believe. but she's there, because he has asked her to be. even in all of their repressed denial, there is no escaping what's happening. it hangs over both of them.
i love the moments in this arc where she just snaps. in this scene when she says, what do you want from me? do you want me to just believe you? and her quiet resignation, when he makes her answer her own question. no. she knows that's not what he wants.
MULDER: (his voice softens) I know what you're afraid of. I'm afraid of the same thing.
SCULLY: The doctor said I was fine.
MULDER: I hope that's the truth.
SCULLY: (whispers) I'm going home.
"i know what you're afraid of. i'm afraid of the same thing."
except, no, he doesn't. and no, they are not.
but she knows what he's afraid of, just as her therapist had known what she's afraid of ("your fear of failing him?") and so she dodges his admittance with reassurance. she's fine.
that last scene, when she goes out and cries in her car, and she sees harold's ghost in the backseat. she is so alone. she's working on her deathbed. they don't talk about it. she's afraid, and she's not fine, and she is going to "fail" him because she cannot keep herself alive for him, and she can't avoid it. it's in the backseat. it's in the bathroom mirror. it's bleeding out of her.
#here trish#txf.txt#elegy#DANA LOOK OUT!!! YOUR ELEGIES ARE EULOGIZING YOU!!!!!!!!!!#i was saying last night how much i love ‘gethsemane’ as an episode title#and i think that may be my favorite one#but i love ‘elegy’ a lot too#‘a lament for the dead’#this whole episode is sorrow for the dead and dying#how we cannot catch up to them#and our dying girl at the center. seeing the omens. knowing what’s coming. crying alone in her car.#this show was always so so so resonant and impactful when it came to themes of grief and loss#anyway. there is no beyond the sea etc etc#also i noticed last night that scully mentions how long they've been together a lot during this arc#'in the four years i've known you' in tempus fugit#'i would think after four years' in elegy#'everything that we've done over the past four years' in reduxii#she's taking stock
62 notes
·
View notes
Text
I'll forever be thankful to the person who introduced me to Björk music on here; it completely changed the way I view and interact with music, I can't comprehend the possibility of going my whole life without having discovered her music just living in my limited bubble for eternity
#this is the closest a musician has ever gotten to convincing me that music is actually witchcraft#I'm one miracle away from believing this is legit magic#Like you know what? Suddenly I get how Orpheus sang the tears from stone#Suddenly it is very plausible i might actually believe it#Very understandable why he managed to get into and out of the underworld unharmed with just a lyre#I too would've given him a chance to save bring his beloved to the surface if he sounded anything like Björk#I feel it in my soul what the actual fuck I'm not trying to be poetic I genuinely resonate with her music down to the very core of my being#how is this possible what is this feeling what in me is doing this#either I'm experiencing psychosis or Björk is just that good#Lionsong you have my whole heart#is it heart palpitation? is this what I'm experiencing?? Should I lay off the energy drinks? Or is magic actually real#You can tell i picked the fairy against the walrus in that one poll#I'm sorry a fairy will completely annihilate my worldview and fry my brain beyond repair. everything is a lie#Björk music is the realest thing however#the composition of her music?? the innovative use instruments? is it THAT mindblowing or am I just basic#whag th fuck have the rest of us been doing all this time? why did no one ever dare scratch the surface ? WHY THE FUCK ARE STILL IN THE CAVE#☆music#☆other
11 notes
·
View notes
Text
Some. Sort of spectrum. From most likely to least likely.
And by kitten-pile I mean This
I'll put a transcript under cut for easier reading! 🫡
How Likely Are They to Kitten Pile?
__
Mirabilis: "are you tired..? do you need a break...? ohh we could take one together..."
If she likes/trusts you even a little, she wants to cuddle about it!!!
-
Sharena and Peony: "Okay! 💖 Yay! 💖"
Shari: The only thing stopping her is social conventions -- making her MORE likely to jump at the opportunity!
Peony: Learning social awareness as she goes, and is surprisingly good at it?
-
Triandra: "Aren't we a bit old for that...? But... even so..."
Embarrassed, conflicted, but feels strangely nostalgic at the notion...
-
Plumeria: "I'm not so petal-soft that I'd resort to such INDECENCY, I mean even if your intentions are Pure USE YOUR HEADS YOU FOOLS!! Girl, the IMPLICATIONS!!!"
Desperately wants to join the kitten-pile, but her Issues and Pride gets in the way.
-
Moe: "aw, so cutes!"
Generally touch adverse, extremely picky even with the people it likes/loves -- everything is entirely on its terms.
#fire emblem#feh#STILL. DRAFTING. IT FEELS LIKE. concetualizing. ect.#but this vision was So Strong. and is honestly Such a way to parse each out.#like... mira craves warmth and comfort... i think she esp likes cuddling w peony bc it feels like a mother's touch#esp the discrepancy in body types i'm going w here. i really wanna draw them together actually...#meanwhile LONG. LONG STANDING HC. about sharena being v physically affectionate even touch starved#and having to learn boundaries the hard way. i also think a huge difference between her and peony actually#is that peony always had someone to cuddle with (mira!!). so peony never had to 'outgrow' it the way shari had to#which may have led to peony being a little more adjusted actually??? i also am v much playing w the idea#that peony is like min maxed. she's surprisingly socially aware/emotionally intelligent#BUT. she still has huge blind spots due to her seclusion and mostly only interacting w kid mortals (in the dream realm)#and i esp think she fails to see the complexity in situations. ect ect#triandra. boy do i have lore about triandra. but you can take a guess. i'll leave that up to you.#AND PLUMERIA. OH MY GOD PLUMERIA. i can just TELL she's going to be an EXTREMELY FUN chara to write#she basically writes herself. looking deeper beyond the obvious sex repulsion/intimacy issues#she's a stubborn jaded 'too cool for this' older sister. who is WAY more protective than she will Ever Admit.#LIKE... I AM THINKING ESP HOW SHE TREATED MIRA IN THAT TT SIDE STORY.#the way she was looking out for her. tri is absolutely plum's most trusted confidant and therefore#the person she's most vulnerable with. but even then. she's still protective of mira and i bet even peony if she had trouble#(granting. they're on the same side). AUGH AND ALSO THE WAY PLUM IS STUCK IN HER WAYS TOO....#I DON'T HAVE COHERENT THOUGHTS. but the way plumeria Is just resonates so deeply w me...#mirabilis#sharena#fe peony#fe triandra#fe plumeria#moe tag#summoner oc#my art
12 notes
·
View notes
Text
huhu the struggle of finding blade fics that are about him and his struggle with immortality and whatnot. huhu pleaseeee there's too little gen fics about him.
#fei's talking corner#i filter the living shit out of ao3 but by god i cant find anything#i refuse to read any renheng fic (i am a fixed dynamic person) and thats probably where one could find interesting stuff#but i find that romance annoys me more than not in these sorts of character exploration fics#its also a struggle for other characters too. like on god dr ratio is worse in this department. like hello i love all the aventurine angst#but can i pls get crumbs of ratio character study too?#surprisingly neuvillette and furina have a couple of genuinely good gen angst fics#tho most have either wriollette as a ship (and i cant find myself to like the ship or wrio as a character) or theyre nvfr#or its a cursed combination of character angst + ship angst + good lord this is beyond awful characterization#and i think the cherry on top is trying to find alhaitham character studies that dont involve kavetham or romance#like so far there's only been 1 fic thats been a character study i enjoyed and resonated with me but it still featured kavetham in the end#sighhhhhh why am i doomed to like characters who are so interesting and yet people only care about ships with them?
18 notes
·
View notes
Text
yeah I'm acknowledging this blog as truly being a shitpost one since the most shat out quickest no editing or finesse consideration posts are the ones that get sm notes so quick nyeheheheh...
like that image of a wolf with roses in its mouth captioned as david, a random reel I saw on insta and thought of dasher, and a random fuckass meme I made at like 4am are my top posts LMFAO I'm officially certified silly ™️ !!!
#idk i think im just gassed my silly stuff is resonating with the fandom#plum posts#plum appreciates every single one of you goobers for enjoying my silly little blog#yippee 😸#ALSO DESPITE ME BEING ON TUMBLR SINCE I WAS LIKE... 15(?)#IVE NEVER REALLY POSTED PROPERLY AND USED IT BEYOND JUST UNTAGGED REBLOGS SO IM LIKE EEEEEE#I'll calm down now#anyways wsg gang wyd 🤙
7 notes
·
View notes