#honestly this is a huge reason why he resonates with me so much. i am such a control freak and i can relate to a lesser extent.

[iamthedevilsminion]

thinking about armand and the way he moves through the world. the way he desperately tries to grab onto stability and safety, as someone who did not truly know either as a human. every time he has stability, he has to work hard to keep his safety. it makes so much sense as to why he let the trial happen. but i think he very quickly became aware during the trial itself, that the coven was not safe nor stable. knowing louis was going to destroy the coven, paired with the fondness they had for each other, it made louis a safe option for him, having already taken the maître step. and i don't doubt that he loves louis, truly loves louis. but love does not mean that they're equal, or that there aren't ulterior motives. it's this line that armand walks, where he wants to be vulnerable, wants to not be in control, but the fear and anxiety within him don't allow him to actually make progress towards it. it's a push pull of feigned submission, where he lets louis take over in name, but cannot actually force his hands away from the controls. imagine being so desperate for safety that you end up sabotaging any relationship you have, because no matter what, you cannot trust them with your vulnerability, or to have your best interests at heart.

[nemo-in-wonderland]

Honestly it's amazing how a second Playthrough could change SO MANY ideas I had for Aranea and her relationship with the rest of the Canon characters.

Like, during the first playthrough, when I still didn't know exactly who she was, and where she was coming from, I was mostly going with my own personal preferences aka the one that I knew I would get along with as a person, the one that mostly resonated with me in terms of morality etc. etc.

But now that I am truly entering in the thick of things of Act 1, I realized how different everything is now.

Like, I am just LOVING playing her as a little chaotic gremlin, having her fun on the Material plane after 200 years spent in Cania, bringing plenty of mischief around, not a care in the world, and having Astarion tagging along because by the gods, she better than most can understand WHY he desires power so much.

I can actually see her opening up a bit about what caused her to seek the power of Mephistopheles for herself, and revealing to him what she did when she avenged Halim, and finding actually a sympathetic ear, because I know that, among all the companions, the one that would understand why she did what she did, why she went to such extent would be Astarion (along with Lae'zel and Minthara).

The rest of the companions would probably look at her in absolute horror, which is also a reason why I think she would not ever reveal this to anyone of them.

But I can still imagine that, among all the good companions, Aranea would still get along super well with Karlach, if anything because they both have lived in one of the layers of Hell (and also because Aranea's own granddaughter, my other tav Lyraleel, is so HOPELESSLY in love with Karlach that Aranea cannot help but have a soft spot for the woman her precious granddaughter loves. So I like to imagine that Aranea is looking out for Karlach and trying her best to help her and keep her safe - even though neither Karlach nor Lyraleel know who Aranea is).

OR. OR.

How the first time Raphael met Aranea and the rest of the companions at the bridge,Raphael would play dumb and pretend not to know his step-mother, and Aranea just getting along because omg if there is someone that knows about his antics, that's her!

And Raphael would be the BIGGEST LITTLE SHIT with her because finally, after 200 years of bantering and being on the receiving end of all her shenanigans, now that she is tadpoled he has a reason to tease her and mock her about all the tentacles she is going to sprout (but Aranea has 0 worries because she knows that Mephisto would let Cania thaw before having her turn into a freaking octopus).

I particularly loved the moment Raphael brought her to the House of Hope and all the dialogue that followed, because omg I got a screenshot (that I slightly modified to make Aranea look more pissed)

And after 200 years, ARANEA IS SO DONE WITH HER STEP-SON'S THEATRICS.

SO DONE.

I can almost hear her saying: "Son, I had a long week: I was abducted by those godsforsaken Illithid; I haven't had a proper bath or meal, have been called names because these peons cannot distinguish a Seldarine from a Kobold; On top of that, I have this thing wringling in my brain, causing me so many headaches, for a moment I thought it was you, finally reborn in a new form. A. WHOLE. WEEK. OF. THIS. CIRCUS. And you show up here, with your grand entrance and speech about those godsforsaken lullabies, and I know FOR A CERTAINTY, that you have practiced this speech in front of the mirror thousands of times before coming here just to mock me. Now, get straight to the point, or I swear, as soon as your father has taken care of this tadpole , I will come back the Hells myself and rip you a new one."

So yeah, needless to say, I am having a HUGE BLAST with this new playthrough!

HUGE FUN. Even more than the first time I played! 😂😂😂

[frumfrumfroo]

Reading leaks for another massively popular media/cultural institution and it a) threw me back to TROS-era leaks and b) made me wonder how it is that such major productions have the entire story spoilt. Why is this a thing? Spoiler culture really is kind of evil honestly, like stories are just the sum of absolute narrative events in poorly summarised bullet-point.

On the other hand... in a really sad, weird way, it sort of prepares one for disaster. But then you have to wonder if such disasters are a consequence of trying to outsmart the audience/leakers (that literally sound so bad they can't be true).

Sloppy, disorganised productions, especially where people involved in the production are irritated, disgruntled, or don't give a shit because the work environment is awful. Like where things keep changing or lots of reshoots are needed due to poor planning or fickle morons being in charge. JJ's productions are leaky for this reason. He's a goofy hack who runs a loose ship and makes soulless corporate slop.

And this is pretty much a new thing. It's not even that it used to be easier to keep secrets, it's that there didn't used to be this attitude that plot beats were the be-all end-all of what made a story. Traditionally, plays were usually based on stories people already knew, and even if you didn't, they might spoil the entire plot in the first few lines. 'Knowing what happens' was not the point. The point was empathy, catharsis, thematic resonance, and communicating with the audience.

But yeah, it's definitely become so egregious partly because of pop writers increasingly thinking of the audience as the enemy and of 'outsmarting' them as being 'winning'. It all feels dripping in juvenile narcissism. But it's also HUGELY because so many of these modern stories are 'content' which was commissioned based on brand recognition from people working for hire who do not know or care what the source material was about and who have nothing to say except 'look how smart I am'.

A story is always saying something, communication is the whole point of storytelling, but Hollywood has cultivated a media culture where themes are for eighth grade book reports, stories are disposable, and no one expects anything to make sense or mean anything as long as it's flashy and has Brand Name on it.

[manofthepipis]

I heavily headcanon that spamton has adhd (although tbh I am heavily projecting).

Just his erraticness and emotional instability gives off huge adhd vibes, along with no volume control (my voice too does whatever the fuck it wants and I won't notice until someone points it out lmao)

Also since I subscribe to oldest of the group hc, it likely put him behind his peers.

(Just watching everyone do what they're meant to do and just not being able to measure up because even your best effort isn't enough and you don't know why you're like this why you can't be as good as the rest of them is just...oof. it be like that sometimes)

And also he's impulsive as fuck (I choose to see the constantly changing prices on his wares as a joke on unstable e-currency and a testament to how he can't stick to some decisions worth a damn)

TLDR: comfort bastard character my beloved (that your fics actually introduced me to, so thank you very much for the brainrot <3)

honestly anon i'm w u (fellow adhd individual here) and though i desperately try not to project in my writing, trying to keep the character as in-character as possible with some leeway, some projection is inevitable lmao

i rlly think his character, while charming and fun, is also immensely relatable. For reasons you've pointed out, like relating to the other addisons and feeling like he's 'behind' them, to where he compensates this with his delusions of grandeur and a strongly-unhealthy god complex. Oof. this guy. He hasn't had the best support system or the healthiest of habits, and unfortunately was put into a very dark place during a very dark time.

but i can definitely see the build behind this headcanon. His character does give off some of those vibes. I try not to diagnose spamton, chalking his habits up to his spammy email antics and existence as email, but regardless its nice to have some personal traits resonate in a character and it can be comforting.

(he's my comfort character as well i wrap him in a blanket but also will dunk him headfirst into a pool <3)

[desertfangs]

post 5 songs you actually listen to and tag some followers!

Thanks to everyone who tagged me: @bubblegum-blackwood, @this-writer-needs-coffee & @covenofthearticulate! Please don't judge my terrible taste in music, I am a relic of my time.

Good Intentions by Toad the Wet Sprocket

Listen, this is embarrassing but this song appeared on the Friends soundtrack which a friend got me for Christmas on cassette because I am that many years old. I still find it incredibly relatable and Toad is one of my favorite bands of all time. (Some of their songs also remind me deeply of Lestat. But that's another post.) Lyric: "And it's hard to rely on my own good senses / When I miss so much that requires attention / Have to laugh at myself sometimes / And I can see that I'm not blind"

2. What Sarah Said - Death Cab For Cutie

I'm a huge fan of Death Cab and they are the band I've seen live the most times so it's hard to pick a favorite but songs about grief are weirdly sort of rare. This one really captures the atmosphere of being in a hospital with a loved one who's dying. My favorite lyric is "It sung like a violent wind / That our memories depend / On a faulty camera in our minds"

3. Unwell by Matchbox 20

I imprinted on this band at a young age and I love most of their stuff (I cannot get into the album North for some reason) but Unwell is just one of those songs that resonates deeply. Also it makes me think of Daniel when he goes mad. Ha! Lyrics: "I'm talkin' to myself in public, dodging glances on the train / And I know, I know they've all been talkin' about me / I can hear them whisper, and it makes me think / There must be somethin' wrong with me"

4. The Never-Ending Why by Placebo

I love the whole Battle for the Sun album but this song always hits me in the gut. It's a good driving song for some reason, too. Lyrics: "The sound of silence grows / As the spider's kiss is laid / The tumor becomes malign / But the kids are doing fine"

5. Odds Are - Barenaked Ladies

Figured I'd end on a happier note. BNL are Canada's most beloved alt-rock band or whatever. This song is just really optimistic and encouraging and honestly I need more of that in my music. Lyrics: "Sure things go wrong, but I'll take my chances / Odds are long, so why not play?"

I think everyone has probably been tagged by now since I'm late to the party but just in case: @kf-tea @rainbowcarousels @tehfanglyfish And anyone else who hasn't been tagged but wants to do it!

[borreloadsavagedragon]

alright tell all of us your thoughts about kaito :)

I did not forget… I have just been con crunching but now I’m free to become the worse

Minor Zexal and Arc V spoiling ahoy

How I feel about this character:

Oh no you’ve opened a floodgate… welcome to oversharing hour with Jay

I’m very normal about Kaito, just ignore the two full cosplays + the EVA foam Orbital work in progress I have mapped out, the wall scroll that’s at my work computer, my ita pin bag, and the fact that I’ve done everything I can to make his deck competitive viable and god dammit am I still trying please print this deck a god damn banger starter, Konami, I can’t keep doing this without your help-

Short story but I used to be suuuuper YGO Vrains favoring from 2020 into early 2022, but I found myself drifting from it because one can only tolerate so much subtweeting and catty behavior over personal preferences, and I’d never really finished Zexal before, just has a half baked idea how it ends, like I watched a chunk of it when it first aired but never finished and proceeded to forgot most of it, so I picked it back up after deciding to pick up Kaito to write in an RP server with some friends because I remembered liking him and… well I didn’t stand a chance when I got back to him fjdhdhd

I deeply relate to the theme of self-inflicted loneliness because it’s easier to be by yourself, just getting walked out on, left in the dark, or even being shafted for reasons out of my own control, I really get that

Also taking on too much if it means the people you love will be ok even if the ending result is you’re not ok, where he is after his Duel with Yuma at the end of Zexal I and getting to repair all of those relationships he was damaged by is where I want to get to in life

Bonus fact that’s minor spoilers for another spin off, but I’m… not a huge fan of his portrayal in Arc V, I like that he’s there and acknowledge that it’s a different Kaito and I love all Kaito Tenjos as they exist, including the Structures Cosplayer, but… yeah, not a fan, I’m a big fan of showing vs telling and Arc V to me feels like it’s ALL telling for all of its supporting cast most of the time

All the people I ship romantically

The better question is who I don’t honestly because that list is far smaller, but if I had to pick favorites I’m very partial to Ryouga, Mizael, and Edo-

Something about rivals to lovers resonates with my very being, even if Edo is less of a rival and more of an enemy until Arc V does it’s usual-

I’ve written for Challenge and AntiHero both already actually, my docs is 99% Challenge Wips that are slowly coming along tbh, and GalaxyMaster takes more time to write since most of those are… you know what I’m getting at LOL

I stg Gallop's one mission was to make Kaito Tenjo a dating sim protagonist because I have no other excuse for why they gave him so many boyfriends and even girlfriends across Zexal and Arc V, Yugioh’s surprising most eligible bachelor

My non-romantic OTP

nervous laughter

Chris.

I like to think of them more as divorcees who are just fine staying apart

Also gestures vaguely at the first answer

My unpopular opinion

I don’t know if I have many tbh, besides disliking Arc V’s rendition of him / not liking mentor at all lol— Like maybe how I genuinely believe he’s the strongest rival bc his record was the best even after he was put up against forces behind human understand and was even considered dying majority of the time of Zexal while remaining arguably mostly human, Zexal’s wack

One thing I wish would happen/had happened with this character in canon

Oh my god, the duel I hate the most in all of YGO is Kaito’s duel against Heartland because not letting Kaito win against someone who’s become representative of the garbage he was put through is SO UNSATISFYING

Yuma coming in and finishing it up is symbolic in its own right because of the importance of bonds, but to me that was and always should have been Kaito’s moment, let Yuma and Astral show up literally any other time and I’m fine with it

ALSO WE DON'T GET THE RYOUGA AND KAITO GRUDGE MATCH, though Kaito solos everytime, I’m so sorry Ryouga

[castlebyersafterdark]

“Finn and Maya can't sing tho”

Finn, Maya, and Joe all have very indie voices, which is personally my aesthetic/style. It’s less about being able to Sing™️ in an undeniable sense and more about the singer-songwriter lyricism and vibe? That less polished sound is a huge part of it. I mean, Bob Dylan “can’t sing” either and he’s one of the most successful artists of all time. Finn’s voice and style reminds me of Bob Dylan in many ways.

Out of the three, I would honestly say Maya has the loveliest voice in a traditional sense, even if her style is still very indie. I could see her having a song that breaks through and the most successful career of the three. There’s a huge appetite for her style (see the success of Joni Mitchell historically or the success of Phoebe Bridgers). Joe randomly had a huge radio hit in “End of Beginning,” but I’m not sure if it will necessarily translate to more hits? He’s very popular as a person and as Steve, but that sort of seems like a one-off to me idk.

I’ll be very curious what Finn’s solo album is like and where their careers go from here

(I’m surprised no one ever mentions Caleb, who also has released some songs lol)

It's definitely a certain style between the three of them and there's a reason so many people like it or else none of the artists you mentioned would have any recognition!! Personal taste is so interesting like how do we get here, how does our brain decide what resonates with us through sound and voice and music type? Why do I like mostly upbeat pop and catchy rock songs and rap music with a good beat while other people solely dig slowed down, raw songwritery music?? Why does low-fi downtempo style music give me anxiety if I listen to to much while that type of music is soothing to a lot of people?

It's so interesting so it's hard to say "oh this singer is just bad this band is just bad" especially when there is popularity and fans attached. There's something that resonated with people. Like, I'll make jokes and absolutely talk shit about the things I'm not into, but I do like to also take a step back and be realistic and not be unkind about things as well. Because it is interesting to consider.

Eagerly awaiting Finn's album. It's a peek inside his brain, even if I mostly likely will not be adding the tracks into my liked songs rotation, but who knows! Maybe I'll be surprised! But I am very excited for whatever he puts out just for lyrical readings if nothing else.

I need to check out Caleb's stuff. No clue what he's doing but maybe he's gonna be the one I end up being a big fan of!!

[theyreonlynoodlesmike]

top 10 best characters from fear street & why?

Okay my simp list and my best character list is a little different so don't be too surprised but here you guys go :)

Top Ten Best Fear Street Characters And Why (Spoiler Alert)

1. Josh Johnson

Josh, to me, was probably the most enjoyable character to watch over all three movies. I love the horror buff characters in movies, and I think he perfectly embodied that trope. Every time I saw him, I felt like I was seeing a little Randy (who is one of my all-time favorite horror characters) and I was rooting for him to live specifically. He was the one that recognized it was the curse, and is basically the reason they were able to stop it. Without him, they'd all be dead. He also saved Sam's life by realizing that you can survive after seeing Sarah. Besides that, I think he was a totally relatable character and him repeating the combo over and over to help with his anxiety? Absolutely golden. Not to mention, he has some of the best dialogue in the movies (i.e. "wanna help us kill sheriff Goode?"). Overall, 10/10 character I love him he's my comfort character

2. Sarah Fier

WE STAN SARAH FIER IN THIS HOUSE. Not only does she sacrifice herself for the woman she loves, but she also curses the man responsible for her death for over three hundred years. The absolute spitefulness is enough to stan. Not to mention, that she's the reason ending the curse is possible. She was the first person to find out, and she made sure that one day it would end. Also, her monologue in the church??? "I don't fear the devil. I fear the neighbor that would accuse me. I feel the mother that would let her daughter hang...if they want a witch, I'll give them a witch" This entire monologue had me screaming and even having to listen to it again to type it out was making me, like, VIBRATE

3. Cindy Berman

While I will admit that Cindy annoyed me in the beginning, her character arc???? Absolute AAAAAAA material. Watching her not only haul ass in the beginning the second things got hairy, kick Tommy hard enough to cause a cave-in, and then go from freezing to doing what she needed to do????? I was screaming, I was crying, I was in love. The persistence?? The sisterly-love?? The growth and reparation of her friendship with Alice?? A+ A+ A+ I'd argue that she's the character that goes through the most growth over the movies, and that just satisfies my writers brain, y'know? Just watching a character actually react properly in a horror movie is enough to get them into my top three, and I'd definitely have her on my horror movie survival team

4. Deena Johnson

Deena is the dumbass lesbian representation I've been begging for and I was here for it throughout all of the movies. Pretty much all of her problems are her fault and honestly!! Sometimes it be like that. I loved this character more for having real, genuine flaws, and it was so refreshing to see a lead final girl that isn't perfect. (Because, due to horrors own tropes, they usually have to be in order to survive) I also love that she's moody-angry-teenage-girl rep as well, and the scene where she put on her headphones and Radiohead started- literal poetic cinema. She gets extra points because she's the one that stabbed Goode and ended the curse. And, while she doesn't have much of a character arc, watching her love story with Sam??? She'd quite literally do anything for her girlfriend and that resonates very heavily with me stan her forever I am still crying over her bringing cheeseburgers to Sarah's rock

5. Tommy Slater

Besides me having a huge crush on him, again, his story just- the corruption arc kills me. Watching him go from being described as "sweet Tommy", being looked up to by the kids, and overall being one of the nicest characters in the entire series to being possessed? Going on an axe-murdering rampage? Honestly heartbreaking. But, also, he do look good holding that axe ayeeeeeeee *fuckboi face* (I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding)

6. Ziggy Berman

It's legally required for her to be on this list because she's one of our final girls. I absolutely adored the way they characterized her. Everything from the "now we're even" to the David Bowie obsession to the Stephen King references? This was one of the characters where I was just like "I can see a real person being like this" and just- she was literally ready to pour a whole bucket of paint on a girl knowing that if she got one more strike she'd be sent home. Gotta respect. And, watching her go in on Cindy definitely made up for some points on the both of them. While I'm overall just a fan of mean-delinquent-girls in movies, I loved watching her repair her relationship with Cindy ("loud and clear, ma'am" lives in my head), and I loved how the movies showed how PTSD can effect a person even ~20 years later. Even though I absolutely loved her in 1978, she's lower on my list because I think she was severely under-utilized in 1666. But, alas, she's still on it :)

7. Alice

THE PUNK GIRL OF MY DREAMS- ahem. Do I think Alice deserves a spot on the best character list just because she's hot? *plays boss of me by they might be giants* anyways- perfect character to place along Cindy because not only does she act as the audience that wants to tell Cindy to shut up sometimes, but she also brings a whole new emotional depth to both of them. She forces Cindy to confront her past and to keep herself honest, while simultaneously not doing it herself until Cindy does it first. When she said "the fun is as real as your polo shirt" I just,,,,,sad. And, that she wanted to help end the curse even though she has a broken leg? Extra points for determination. Is overall just a really fun character to watch and responsible for finding the hand so she's gotta be in the top ten

8. Martin

Funniest character in the whole movie, hands down. I know Simon was the character relief for most of 1994, but "let me get my coat" beats everything Simon said imo. Also, let's be honest, he was the saving grace for the ending of 1666. After the Pilgrim scenes, it was dragging for me and Martin was one of the major characters keeping it interesting. He gets points for surviving the first massacre in 1994, helping kill Goode, and consistently being the funniest person to watch all throughout 1666

9. Sam Fraser

I'm an elder gen z so I don't like saying every meme I've seen on this app but Sam truly reads as a poor little meow meow to me. This bitch goes through so much and she just wanted to eat her jello!!! She has to be on the best character list because the fact that she was still alive at the end? Iconic. She gets like three concussions, possessed by the devil, has to actually die at one point? Also, she gets extra points for being willing to self-sacrifice for her friends. And the fact that when talking about how she was going to have to die she literally basically said let's send it??? Like I have major respect for this character and I'm so glad she got the ending she deserved

10. Kate Schmidt

Listen, I like mean girls in horror and I think Kate succeeds as being one of the funniest characters in the entire series as well. Just the "and everyone will be so, so sad" was hilarious to me. I love the duality of this character, with being a miss perfect (valedictorian?) cheerleader simultaneously while selling drugs on the side. And, I know it was fucked up, but there have definitely been some times in horror where I've been like "this could all be over if we just left that one to die". So, while it was fucked up to do that to Sam (and did cause some major confliction on whether I liked her or not for me), she technically wasn't wrong? And, she was more than willing to do what she could to save Sam when she realized there was a way to save her (and died in the process of doing so), so I think she redeemed herself. Overall, Kate was a funny and complex character and I loved her scenes :)

[dreme-inc]

Can I please have a preference for Stan, Kyle, Wendy, Bebe and Kenny with a tomboy fem S/O with short hair and wears vintage suits, newsboy hats, vintage casual clothes and sometimes steals the characters clothes but she still wears lipgloss,lipbalm and lipstick? Please tell me if

a/n: It's slightly broadened, but I put little tidbits on some specifics ^^ The vintage style is cool, no explicit gender necessarily, and please forgive. It's tougher finding inspiration... please, enjoy though!

V I N T A G E A N D T I M E L E S S ⟻

They're each very encouraging, to start. The vintage fashion is intriguing to them and they'd love to run their hands through your hair if you'd let them <3

⟼ S T A N L E Y

The raven's someone who doesn't broaden what they personally wear too much because he believes others can pull off styles he couldn't, I think. Since being with you however, you're a good inspiration, and he tries to be more daring with his own style and occasionally wears your hats.

I dunno if getting self-conscious about it is something, but there's a knight in shining armor.

Often says to others, "Don't be angry because they dress better than you."

Often says to you something like, "I really like your coat today. It's like you're an agent or something. It's cool."

+ If you're more athletic, then he's either cheering for you or wants to play depending on the event. It's noted you're an especially good team together and people like playing with you guys since you're both good sports about everything.

+ If you're more homey, he's definitely cool with it, too. He could be the boyfriend and best friend sort if it suits you, whether you were friends prior or not. Can truly appreciate a day indoors and often offers to play video games.

⟼ K Y L E

It resonates with the redhead one of the best compared to the others, I think. He's often said he's not born what he seems to be, and if it's a common reason behind why you wear what you do, then birds of a feather. The both of you get close quite quickly because of it.

If not, it's still cool. He's been in South Park so long, and despite the four's adventures, he hadn't ever met someone in a sense like yours.

He'd likely tease, only a little. It was like finding a time capsule in this old town. Tries noticing when you wear new pieces and be the first complimenting it, and usually is.

+ If you're athletic, it suits him. Dates could consist of sports games if you were interested. Quick to defend you and what you can do to anyone doubting your abilities, with a dusty blush as he can admit to knowing firsthand as one of your most supportive cheerleaders. He's so proud of you.

+ If you're more homey, then you're aware this boy hopes you like books. No matter what though, he honestly cherishes any time with you because he's finally found someone to sit with, and he won't ever take it lightly.

⟼ W E N D Y

It is super neat to her. Probably instigates the clothes stealing herself on you, and wears it as great as you do.

The most willing to wear the fashion publicly. If you're cool with it, sometimes you'd wear an entire outfit of hers and she'd wear one of yours meanwhile. It's adorable.

Number one cheerleader in supporting the person you are, no matter the personality, as you do the same for her.

+ If you're adventurous, the raven meshes really well with said personality. She's holding your hand as you maybe jump into lakes, maybe sneak around, or anything else you'd like. She believes she is very lucky with someone like you.

+ If you're a prankster, you two pretend to be one another and you'll both hide your hair in your hats so no matter the hair color :) It's especially hilarious if you guys don't have the same complexion. Everyone loves it.

+ Ah, and she especially likes any short hair. It contrasts with her longer hairstyle, and you'll brush one another if it suits you.

⟼ B A R B A R A

Shopping! Goes shopping with you and buys perfect pieces. And times, she'll go alone finding you gifts. She thinks it's cool picturing vintage, and it makes her happy making you smile.

If you're into it, she'd want fashion tips :) "Should I wear the jacket or the cardigan with my outfit?"

The blonde'll wear your clothes if it'd make you happy, for sure, but only if you said so. Otherwise she'd be encouraged when she sees you to be more bold, like Stan, but with her own closet.

Open to dressing up with you around the house, and a common occurrence is having fun, laughing and kissing in its midst.

+ She's a huge fan of the lipsticks, glosses, and balms. I am unsure if it's something people do, but she'll share with you if you'd like. Wears what you prefer and tells you her favorites of yours, willing to play the guess the gloss flavor if it's interesting to you, too.

⟼ K E N N E T H

Likely brags to everyone, haha.

"Have you met them? Yeah, they're the one with the cool fashion sense."

Currently saving money to buy you a nice clothing piece or accessory: something long-lasting and pairs well with a bunch of your outfits.

Sways between corny and smooth, absolutely nothing else.

Sometimes he'll go, "there's my aviator."

On others, "hello, adventurer. Anything exciting today?"

Once, he surprised you, wearing a matching outfit. And you guys went walking somewhere like downtown or a party -whichever suits your fancy- and were the talk of the small town for a while. It was a real hit with everyone.

+ Definitely a little thirst from the lip accessories. The blond loves stuff on your lips, especially his lips??? I think he's got the knowledge on putting it on you and is tempted to kiss you every time.

[fireemblems24]

Why I Never Really Talk About Claude

Because there's nothing to say. As much as I hate to say it.

NOTE: I love Claude, and this is in no way meant to say anything bad about him, but Verdant Wind and how it handles him. I didn't tag him, but I want Claude fans to give me their amazing meta analysis and help me indulge in his character. So if you see this - no hate. Please send love.

Gronder Field was obviously a huge turning point for AM and Dimitri - and trust me, I'll definitely get to that - but ironically it was also an eye-opener for VW.

This game is four routes, and at first I tried to give all four their dues, but lately I've talked almost exclusively about CF and AM. With CF on hold until the other routes are also at their final chapter(s), it's become more apparent how little I mention SS and VW.

SS is obvious. It lacks a strong central figure. Rhea is MIA. Edelgard has no presence. Claude and Dimitri weren't supposed to be big characters here, and they aren't. Byleth is too much of a non-character (by design) to pull the weight of a route on his own (my SS is M!Byleth).

But what about VW? What happened?

Initial Impressions of Claude

Claude's writing, before any other character, got my attention. Edelgard I was already biased towards before even opening the game, fueled by her stark difference in design/unit type than other FE leading ladies and knowledge that her route had a split. Hilariously, Dimitri's the one I paid little attention too. But once I actually started the game and heard the characters talk and such, it was Claude who stood out the most.

Claude was witty, promising, and mysterious in a natural way and not the "yeah, sure" way I felt towards Dimitri's "darkness." 😅Edelgard turned out exactly how I expected (and not in a bad way); it was Claude who proved unexpected. It was his prologue dialogue I enjoyed the best, his class introductions that made me laugh.

But sadly that interest burned out.

Edelgard continued to demand my attention throughout part 1. I didn't always agree with her, but I did stay invested in figuring out what her deal was, what she'd do next, etc . . . She surprised me, intrigued me, made me want to discuss her ideas.

Dimitri blindsided me. He tore at my heartstrings without even trying. Ever since the Lonato rebellion, Dimitri got my attention and never let it go. His empathy and stark contrast with his revenge, the truth about his darkness, and so, so much more took him from "there's a third guy" to hands down favorite.

But what did Claude have going for him? Looks? Sure. A fun personality? Definitely. But what about plot, conflict, growth? Throughout part 1, I wanted to know more about what Edelgard planned behind the scenes and her ideals. And during that time, my heart ached for Dimitri as I watched a battle he kept losing and felt so conflicted about his desire for revenge.

What did Claude feel? What did he want? I still kind of don't know. Lack of prejudice between borders? Me too! But what does that have to do at all with what's happening in the game? Nothing. Nothing at all.

Gronder Field

Gronder Field made it just how apparent Claude and VW feels like an awkward third wheel.

During the cut scene, Dimitri and Edelgard had parts that made me (or would've made me) desperate to know what on earth was going on with them. Why is Edelgard invading everyone and, once again, trying to kill her classmates? If she's sad about it, why did she start this war? WTF happened to Dimitri? WTF is going on in the Kingdom? If I wasn't in the middle of it, I'd plan to get to CF and AM asap.

Claude says nothing interesting. Nothing intriguing. It's a throwaway line any character could've said about how this is such a bad class reunion. Honestly, it feels like he got dumped with the lines they needed for advertising because the other two were too caught up in having an actual storyline.

Throughout the game, there's moments that would've made me desperate to play CF and AM, but Claude really hasn't gotten the same treatment.

Claude Deserves Better

The thing is, I like Claude. Writing this reminded me what a fantastic impression he made initially. I love his drive for knowledge, the almost idealistic world he lives to create despite his world-weary character, and how he seemed far more mysterious than the other two (and still is frankly), and didn't get used as a tool to pander to the player self-insert nearly as much either.

But he's been given nothing to work with. Rhea, Edelgard, and Dimitri all have desperate stakes in what happens. Claude doesn't. Or it feels like he doesn't. Even more of the students and faculty have more going on than poor Claude. Things are desperate, emotional, full of conflict, growth, and action. This is what makes someone connect to a story, but Claude feels so disconnected that it's hard to invest.

VW feels less like a cohesive story that could stand on its own and more like a series of battles strung together. Claude has neither Edelgard's strong motivations and active presence nor Dimitri's strong motivations and dynamic development.

It's in the details too. In CF, people are fighting for Edelgard and the Empire. In AM, people are fighting for Dimitri and the Kingdom. In SS, people are fighting for Byleth, Rhea, and the Church of Serios. In VW, people are fighting for . . . Byleth.

I mean, even in FEH Claude doesn't get special treatment. It seems Legendary Edelgard got a giant advertisement video for her release, and Legendary Dimitri got his own mini-foreging bonds with full voice acting. Legendary Claude got nothing. Maybe he's not as popular are the other two (I've stayed out of the fandom outside of my blog for obvious reasons - so I don't really know), but maybe the reason he's less popular (I'm assuming) is because there's a lack of emotional resonance compared to the others.

Honestly, it makes me irritated. Claude has so much potential as a lead character. There's so much to work with, but the game just doesn't play to his strengths, doesn't connect his desires and goals to the plot, ignores Almyra, and has him remain distant from everyone - including the plot. He deserves better.

Claude Fans, I Need Your Help

That said, I know, for fact, I am overlooking parts of his character. Claude fans, please help! Send me your analysis of his characters, what you admire, what his faults are etc . . . (please just no spoilers post Gronder, if you let me know I need to read it later, I'll like it go back to it).

I'm playing all 4 routes at the same time, which means I'm doing monastery weeks back-to-back-to-back-to-back - which means lots and lots of supports all at once. It's impossible for me to retain all that information. There are definitely Claude moments I've overlooked and forgotten.

I also know, for fact, that when you love a character, you can write an entire essay off of one line of dialogue/scene (yes, I've done it 😅). Please send me those essays. I want more Claude love on here, because I'm quickly remembering how much I loved Claude.

[cyndavilachase]

I’m Looking Forward Now 💖Thank you and good bye

So, it’s been a little over a week since Steven Universe Future ended… 

I’ve been hesitant to write this, honestly, but I’m tired of holding myself back from properly expressing myself in fear of appearing overly invested in the media I consume, even in private. Writing helps me organize my thoughts and feelings, and I feel like these thoughts in particular may resonate with many, so I want to share them. I want to talk about what Steven Universe has done for me personally, both as an artist, and as a person.

I’ve been around since the day the first episode of the original series aired. I actually remember when Steven Universe was just a logo on Wikipedia’s “List of Upcoming Cartoon Network Shows” list, back when I was a freshman in high school. It piqued my interest, but when commercials finally dropped for it, I thought it was going to be bad because of the way marketing handled introducing Steven as a likeable character. There was still something about it that made me want to give it a chance though, so I went online and watched the pilot before the first episode's release. I was hooked immediately. I knew I was going to love it, and I did. I fell so absolutely in love with Steven as a character, and the world that he and the gems lived in. I became obsessed. I was always so excited for new episodes to come out. Little did I know what else it would do for me as I went through my adolescence alongside it.

As the show progressed, it was evident that what I wanted out of a western animated childrens’ cartoon was finally coming into fruition: this show was becoming serialized. There was continuity, there was plot, there was character development-- it was getting deep. It was pushing the groundwork that Adventure Time laid out even further (thank you, Adventure Time).  

I will give credit where credit is due: earlier western childrens’ cartoons I grew up with like Hey Arnold, and Rugrats, among others, also touched on heavy topics, but Steven Universe was able to take similar ideas (and even more complex ones, concerning mental health and relationships) and expand on them outside of contained episodes and/or short arcs. These themes, which were a part of the show’s overarching story, spanned across its entirety. Continuity was rampant. 

What did this mean? It meant kids cartoons didn’t have to be silly and fun all the time and characters weren’t just actors playing a part in 11-minute skits. Steven and the gems would remember things that happened to them, and it affected them and how they would function and play a part in their story. This was a huge deal to me as a teenager. I always wanted the cartoons I grew up with featuring kid characters to feel more. In my own work, I often felt discouraged when combining a fun, cutesy western art style with themes as dark or layered as anime would cover. I always thought it had to be one or the other because an audience wouldn’t take a combination of the two seriously enough, based on discussions I had with classmates, friends, and online analysis I read at the time. Steven Universe proved to me otherwise. This show was opening the door for future cartoons exploring in-depth, adult concepts. I felt so seen as a kid, and was inspired to stick with what I love doing.

I was actually very worried about the show’s survival. It was in fact immensely underrated and the fandom was miniscule. Then in 2014, JailBreak dropped, and it’s popularity exploded. Part of it was because of the complex plot and the themes it was covering like I mentioned, but also because of its representation. 

I remember when fandom theorized that Garnet was a fusion due to grand, tragic reasons. Turns out, she’s simply a metaphor for a very loving w|w relationship. This was huge. I cannot stress how important it is that we continue to normalize healthy canon queer relationships in childens’ media, and Steven Universe finally was the first to do that proper. Introducing these themes offers the chance for a kid to sit there and ask themselves, “Why is this demonized by so many people?” I asked myself exactly that. Ruby and Sapphire were my cartoon LGBT rep. They were the first LGBT couple I ever ecstatically drew fanart of. I was dealing with a lot of internalized homophobia at the time, and they showed me that I was allowed to love women and feel normal about it. The process of overcoming this was a long one, but they played a part in my very first steps into becoming comfortable with my sexuality. I could go on and on about it’s representation in general-- how it breaks the mold when it comes to showcasing a diverse set of characters in design, in casting, and in breaking gender roles. It’s focus on love and empathy. Steven himself is a big boy, but he's the protagonist, and the show never once makes fun of his weight, or any other bigger characters for that matter. It wasn’t hard to see why the fandom had grown so large.

Fandom was always a joy for me. It was a hobby I picked up when I was in middle school, like many of us here did. I would always cater my experience to fun, and fun only. I only started getting more deeply involved in SU’s fandom when I had just turned into an adult. During the summer of 2016, between my first and second year of college, I drew for the show almost every day non-stop when the Summer of Steven event was going on and posted them online. This was a form of practice for me in order to become not just more comfortable with experimenting with my art, but also to meet new artists, make new friends, and learn to interact with strangers without fear. I dealt with a ton of anxiety when I was in high school. When I was a senior applying to art school for animation, I decided I was going to overcome that anxiety. I made plans to take baby steps to improve myself over the course of my 4 years of college. Joining the fandom, while unforeseen, was definitely a part of that process. I started feeling more confident in sharing my ideas, even if they were fan-made. I fell in love with storyboarding after that summer, when I took my first storyboarding class, and genuinely felt like I was actually getting somewhere with all of this. I remember finally coming to a point in my classes where I could pitch and not feel hopelessly insecure about it. I was opening up more to my friends and peers. 

But this process, unfortunately, came to a screeching halt. 

My life completely, utterly crumbled under me in the Fall of 2017 due to a series of blows in my personal life that happened in the span of just a couple weeks. My mental health and sense of identity were completely destroyed. All of that confidence I had worked for-- completely ruined. I was alone. I nearly died. My stay at college was extended to 4 and half years, instead of the 4 I had intended. I lost my love for animation-- making it, and watching it. I could no longer watch Steven Universe with the same love I had for it beforehand. It’s a terrible thing, trying to give your attention to something you don’t love anymore, and wanting so desperately to love again. I dropped so many things I loved in my life, including the fandom.

Healing was a long and complicated road. I continued to watch the show all the way up until Change Your Mind aired in the beginning of 2019, and while I still felt empty, that was definitely a turning point for me with it’s encapsulation of self-love. I was hoping James Baxter would get to work on Steven Universe since he guest-animated on Adventure Time, and it was incredible seeing that wish actually come true. The movie came out and while I enjoyed it and thought highly of it, I was still having issues letting myself genuinely love things again, old and new. It was especially difficult because cartoons were my solace as a kid, when things got rough at home. I remember feeling sad because the show ended, and not getting the chance to love it again like I used to while it was still going.

By the time Steven Universe Future was announced, I was finally coming around. I was genuinely starting to feel excitement for art and animation again. I wasn’t expecting there to be a whole new epilogue series, but happily ever after, there we were! Prickly Pear aired, and the implications it left in terms of where the story was going did it. I was finally ready to let myself take the dive back into fandom in January of this year. My art blew up, something I wasn’t expecting considering my 2-year hiatus. Following this, I was invited into a discord server containing some of the biggest writers, artists, editors, and analysts in the fandom. I had no idea there were so many talented people in the fandom, some already with degrees, some getting their degrees-- creating stuff for it on the side just for fun. The amount of passion and productivity level here is insane, and so is the amount of discussion that has come out of it.

I didn’t realize it at first, but it was actually helping me gain back the courage to share ideas. I lost my confidence in pitching while I was taking the time to heal, and graduating meant there would no longer be a classroom setting I could practice in. This group helped immensely. 

I have made so many friends through this wonderful series, and I have so many fond memories talking to like-minded creatives, getting feedback and a myriad of sources for inspiration, as well as all of the memes and jokes and weekly theorizations that came about as we all waited on the edges of our seats for episodes to air. I needed this so badly, I needed to get back in touch with my roots, when I would go absolutely hog-wild over a cartoon I loved with people who loved it as much I did. Future has been a blessing for me in this way. I graduated feeling like I was back at square-one, but now I feel like I’m on my way again.

It’s 2020 and while I’m doing great right now, I am honestly still recovering from the total exhaustion that followed after graduating a few months ago, and finally leaving the campus where my life fell apart behind. Needless to say, watching Future was like looking into a mirror. Watching one of my favorite characters of all time-- one that grew up with me-- go through so many of the same things I went through not too long ago was absolutely insane to watch unfold. It’s such an important thing too, to show a character go through the process of breaking down over trauma and all the nasty things that come with it, and to have them go on the road to healing. Steven got that therapy. He wasn’t blamed. The gems were called out. The finale was everything I could have ever hoped for. The catharsis I experienced watching it was out of this world.

As I continue my own healing journey, I will always look up to the storyboard artists, revisionists, and designers that I have been following over these past 7 years, as well as the new ones introduced in Future. It's been such a joy watching these artists release their promo art for episodes, talk about their experiences working on the show, and post the work they've done for it alongside episodes airing.

Thank you Rebecca Sugar, the Crewniverse, and the fans, for making this such a truly wonderful and unique experience. Thank you for reminding me that I am, and always will be, an artist, a cartoonist, and a fan. Thank you, my followers, for the overwhelmingly positive response to my artwork. I have had so much fun interacting and discussing the show with you all again over these past few months. Steven Universe and it’s fandom will always have a special place in my heart, and it will always be a classic that I will return to for comfort and inspiration for decades to come. I am sad that the cartoon renaissance is over, but so many doors have been opened thanks to this show. I am so, so excited to see what this show will inspire in the future, and I hope one day I get the opportunity to be a part of that. 

Goodbye Steven, thank you for everything. I wish you healing, and I wish Rebecca and the team a well-deserved rest. ♥️

-Cynthia D.

[thefirsttree]

A personal update + my next game

OK, time to do this. I’ve been meaning to do a big DAVID WEHLE™ update for a while now and explain why I haven’t released a new game yet, but you know how life gets in the way. Especially when life is a quarantine hellscape, you have three beautiful, amazing, exhausting kids to raise, a spouse’s job you support, a viral YouTube channel that turns your brain to mush, a thousand emails waiting in your inbox since your game is free on the Epic Games Store (with an impressive number of redemptions too! … meaning lots of emails and customer support issues), etc., etc. What also contributes to my lack of updates is because… I just don’t really like posting online. Fascinating correlation, I know!

Don’t worry, this isn’t going to be a venting/ranting blog post (well, maybe a bit), because my life is seriously AMAZING and INSANELY BLESSED and LUCKY. I can’t believe how many dreams keep coming true, so much so that I feel I don’t deserve it and I really pulled the wool over everyone’s eyes… but I did want to at least be honest, because I owe that to myself.

Wow, where do I even begin? Well, how about we start with the reason I’m even a full-time indie game dev now: The First Tree. This small hobby project I worked on at night morphed into this gargantuan beast (or fox) that took over my life the past 5 years. Which is great! I’m living the dream! And yet, I really didn’t expect it to do as well as it did. At its core, my game is a slow-paced, sad walking simulator (ahem, I prefer the term “exploration game,” but you know what I mean) that somehow seemed to launch at the right time to the right audience. It resonated deeply with some of you, and for that I’m eternally grateful. I still get emails almost daily how my game changed their lives in some formative way. I’m beyond honored.

However, with that spotlight came criticism and demands from the ever-present, insatiable internet. I would randomly be surfing the gamedev subreddit trying to decompress, and I would see a comment by some rando saying how much I didn’t deserve my success, and how it was all one huge lucky fluke. And I believed them!

And to add to it, some devs considered me an indie marketing “guru”, which I was uncomfortable with. I worked hard to market my game every week, and after my GDC talk, people assumed marketing was my passion; the reason I got up every morning. Just to clarify… NO, I don’t like marketing, and I hate being the center of attention. I don’t like asking people for money and wishlists. But I did what was necessary because I was passionate about telling stories, and I wanted to give my story a fighting chance to be seen on the crowded pages of Steam.

So now, you’re probably wondering “well then David, why did you make fancy YouTube videos showing off your success? Not very modest if you ask me.” This honestly could be a long blog post all on its own, because my experience of putting myself in the spotlight and becoming a “content creator” is… complicated. It was an unusual step for me, especially since I never even showed my face online (as a game developer) until my GDC talk.

First off, I always wanted to teach and start a YouTube channel. I love video editing, especially since I’ve been doing it longer than making games! It’s a huge passion of mine. And teaching people who didn’t know they could make and finish games was a huge motivator (and it’s been so rewarding already). But the second reason is, I was scared. I was self-employed, and I was riding the success of a “huge lucky fluke” that would probably not happen again. I wanted to make sure I could provide for my amazing family, and give them food and health insurance and security in these tumultuous times. I was turning my lifelong passions and hobbies into a business, and it wasn’t as simple of a mental transition as I thought.

So, I went all in on YouTube and the accompanying online course called Game Dev Unlocked. I spent years editing the scripts and videos, and polishing them to a shine. At first, no one watched my videos, no one was buying… and in the blink of an eye, the YouTube algorithm picked up my main autobiographical video (“How Making Indie Games Changed My Life”), and I started getting 5,000 subscribers a day. Right now, I’m at 150,000 subs, which is still hard for me to believe. I always had a dream of earning 100k subs on YouTube, so I was pretty happy with the whole thing. Sales were OK, but mostly people didn’t want to buy the course. Then the emails came in…

Something you should know about me: I am a textbook “people pleaser,” and if someone asks for my help, I take it very seriously. If someone is mad at me, even if I didn’t do anything wrong, it’s all I can think about, and it ruins my day. So, taking an onslaught of people begging for help and multiplying that by an impossible amount of people for my brain to truly comprehend thanks to the internet… and let’s just say it wasn’t a healthy mix.

I received thousands of emails from people who were begging me for some kind of reassurance that everything would be OK. That their dreams would come true too. And I wanted to help every single one of them. I went from a nobody working on a game for fun to becoming a spokesperson for the indie game dream. I couldn’t even get a shake from the Chick-Fil-A drive-thru without someone recognizing me and asking for game dev advice. And it didn’t stop there… I would get emails from suicidal kids asking for help, teenagers from Afghanistan asking me to get them out of their country, and on one occasion I received an email from a hopeful game developer in a war-torn country who had just experienced a bomb blowing up their neighboring village. His friends were dead, and he was hoping he could finish a game before he died too, and he needed my help. How do you say no to something like that? Didn’t I owe it to everyone because I was lucky with my hit game and I needed to “pay it forward”? (Something people constantly reminded me of)

And then to top it off, after you’ve given everything you’ve got to other people in need… you get hate mail in your inbox. You spend the whole day serving your children and strangers on the internet, then when the kids are finally asleep, you hit the bed to relax and take a look at your phone to decompress, and you randomly come across an angry gamer in your Twitter mentions telling you your game they got for free sucks, and that you took away a potentially great game from them and that your apology isn’t good enough.

Long story short, I went to a mental therapist for the first time in my life. I was broken trying to care for two toddlers and a new baby in a pandemic (which is very, very hard), taking care of my course students who gave me their hard-earned money and demanded results, and the countless people begging for help on the internet. I was this introverted, internet-lurker trying to take on the weight of the world. I was so tired and hurt that no one cared about me and my needs… only what I could do for them.

Quitting my day job and making this hobby my full-time job has stirred up… mixed emotions. This statement may disturb some of you, but I was definitely 100% happier when I had a full-time job and I was working on my game at night. I missed working with the amazing team at The VOID, working on Star Wars… back when the success of my game was this abstract thing I could only daydream about. Mostly, I was making my game for me with no outside expectations to pay the bills or satisfy the ever-demanding internet, and that brought me a lot of joy.

It’s not all doom and gloom though! I’m actually very happy now and in the best shape I’ve been since the pandemic started. I’ve had to confront my weaknesses and personality quirks, but I’m a better person for it (and I’m sure these issues would’ve come out eventually). I hired an awesome community manager for Game Dev Unlocked who is helping SO MUCH with the emails, I can’t even tell you the mental burden it alleviates. I even leased a co-working office to help separate work from my home, and that’s been a huge help too. I’ve decided to work with my old friends from The VOID on a cool, new VR experience. It will take me away from my projects a bit, but I’m ecstatic to work with a great team again (and not manage anything, whew).

These are all things I would’ve never guessed I needed, because I thought I knew myself pretty well… turns out I didn’t.

The reality is: running a business is HARD. Running it solo is even harder. You have to remember, I was burnt out on The First Tree well into the Steam release in 2017, but I kept working on it for 4 more years due to my fears of failing again and not earning enough money for my family.

So, I was wrestling with the age-old concept of commercialism and art. There was this dichotomy of doing whatever I wanted and being true to my vision (what most people assume the indie dev dream is like), and doing only what customers wanted to buy. This is something that has killed me with YouTube… in one specific instance, I was super excited to make the exact video I wanted to make. I loved every part of its creation, and I thought it had a message that would inspire everyone. I lovingly edited it over several weeks, posted it, and excitedly waited for the stats… and it was by far my worst performing video.

This is not a new problem. Even the Sistine Chapel by Michelangelo was a commission forced upon him by the very violent Pope Julius II. My wife and I regularly talk about the fine balance between artistic integrity and commercialism, a problem she is very familiar with as an artist who constantly needs to balance what she wants to make with what the customer wants to hang up in their home.

For The First Tree, I was lucky. It was pretty much what I wanted to make (I had to compromise a lot of things of course), and it turned out millions of people wanted it too. Recently, I thought the safe business decision would be to do it all over again, so I started work on a spiritual successor to The First Tree (an idea that I may revisit one day since I do love the story idea). But that isn’t happening anytime soon. Trust me when I say I am now currently burnt out on animal exploration games.

So that realization left me with a question: what do I do next?

I’ve decided I need to make a game that I want to make, for me. It will be a bit different and I’m almost certain most fans of The First Tree will not love it… but it’s an idea that gets me super excited. It’s an idea that could help me fall in love with game development again.

A few more details: this game will be story-driven, first-person, and will use the Unreal Engine. That means development is gonna be slow going, because I have to learn a whole new tool. The “smart business” decision would be to make something quickly in Unity which I’m already familiar with… but I want to do this for me, and UE5 looks like a lot of fun. I’m also shooting for an early-ish release date so I avoid burn out and I keep the game short: I want to release it in Fall 2022, but knowing game development, it will probably take longer.

With the help of my therapist, I’ve also concluded that I’ve been too accessible on the internet and that my self-worth isn’t determined by the amount of people I try to help online. Of course, I love helping people and seeing them succeed, but I need to step back and focus on my family and myself. I will delete my social media apps on my phone (I will still post big updates occasionally) and stop responding to most emails, tweets, DMs, etc. It’s not that I’m ungrateful… in fact, if I don’t say thank you or at least acknowledge the incredibly nice people who share a sweet message about my game or want to tell me how I inspire them (still hard for me to believe, lol), I feel a ton of guilt… but I need to let that go. Please know I’m extremely grateful to all the fans who follow my work, so even if I don’t thank you directly, I truly mean it: thank you.

I will still post and stream occasionally on YouTube when I want to (and I still do live Q&A’s for my GDU students). The online course sales will help support my family as I work on a potentially risky game idea (and my new job will help alleviate the risk too). I’m gonna try one more marketing experiment and sell a mini-course soon (and add an Unreal section), and after that I’m done working on it. A gigantic thank you to the people who bought my course and are part of the amazing community, it has helped me and my family tremendously, and it’s inspiring seeing the games you make!

I’m a bit worried about the whole thing since this new game idea could flop, which could definitely affect my family. But a sappy, high-school yearbook quote is coming to mind…  I think it applies here: “A ship in harbor is safe—but that is not what ships are built for.”

Thanks for reading,

David

[violetsoju]

airport

kuroo tetsurou · fluff · 2.2k

warning: slight suggestive theme, mild language, characters are aged-up

a/n: did i write this on impulse because i still can’t believe i was actually in this situation? maybe. did i write this as a manifestation of having a kuroo to bitch about and assure me? maybe too. did i get more encouraged to write this after reading a discussion in a server on bra sizes and brand recommendations a few days ago? maybe three.

“Kuroo, I’m serious. Stop laughing.”

A distinct cackling laughter from the speaker of your phone fills the four walls of your bathroom, along with a lazy lopsided grin flashing on the screen that’s perched on the wall mounted shelf next to the sink.  

“But you’re making it so hard not to! Plus, you’re supposed to brush your teeth for two minutes, not talk and brush your teeth at the same time for two minutes.” Kuroo reasons, laughter turning into soft chuckles.

“Sorry babe, but I didn’t catch anything you said just now because you sounded like a fish blubbing underwater, except you’re blubbing white foam instead of bubbles.”

He finds it hard not to grin like a fool at your figure from his side of the screen, hands on your hips with a toothbrush stuffed in your puffed-up cheeks, hair pushed back with an elmo headband that he finds ugly yet cute because of the two ridiculously huge eyes dangling on top.

You mumble something yet inaudible while wiping away the drool of toothpaste dripping down the side of your mouth, a small pout dotting your lips.

“Rinse up and tell me from the top again once you’re done, alright?” Kuroo sighs, shaking his head adoringly as he manages to make out a ‘fine’ out of the string of muffled sounds from you.

And do you listen to him completely? Of course not. So he rests his left cheek on his palms, humming to the bits of information you try to squeeze in without accidentally swallowing tap water while cleansing your face.

The white tiles in the background shift to cream walls shakily, along with the shuffling sounds of room slippers against the wooden flooring. “Then as we were walking towards the karaoke place, I somehow fell behind the rest and ended up beside him. And guess what happened?”

“He confessed to you?” He jokes, oblivious to where this is heading, yet.

“God, I’d rather that happen.” You take a seat in front of your study desk filled with skincare products tucked on the side, placing your phone against the wall. “Instead, he called out to me, which I turn to him and find him looking at my boobs, saying ‘oh, its nothing’,”

Kuroo visibly flinches a little, eyebrows furrowed in disgust, eyes widening slightly, like he just tasted a sip of milk that has gone bad. “Excuse me?”

“He was looking at my boobs, Kuroo. My boobs. Shamelessly. Saying ‘oh, its nothing’. What the heck?” You mentally thank yourself for not opening the cover of the toner in your hand, to save the mess you would have made from all the expressive hand gestures.

“And you were wearing your usual tank top, right?” He smacks his lips together, as if trying to get rid of the bad aftertaste.

“Yeah, the usual square neck rib knit tank top that I always wear.” He tilts his head to the side, eyebrows knitted in confusion. Your wardrobe of tops flashing through his head. “The one that you don’t understand why I own a several pieces in different colours. That one.” A long ‘oh’ resonates through the speakers, the particular top emerging from the sea of clothing.

Kuroo processes the image for a few seconds. “That’s not revealing at all.”

“Exactly! It’s like the most basic thing? There’s tons of girls out there who wear the similar thing as me too.” You tap your toner onto your face with your hands. “And I was even wearing a jacket on top of it? It’s not like I was fully exposed or something. But even if I didn’t have my jacket on, I don’t see how it’s taken as a sign to stare brazenly like that. I wear whatever the heck I want to make myself feel and look good, not for someone else to ogle at, unable to keep their raging hormones in check.”

He hums in agreement. “What did you do or say to him then?”

“Honestly, I don’t know what made me so pissed at that moment either.” You sigh, reaching out for your wash-off mugwort mask. “I snapped at him, telling him that when he talks to girls, he should be looking at them in the eye, not at their boobs.”  

“That’s my girl.” Kuroo flashes his signature cheshire-grin. “What did he say then?”

Your lips purse together, recalling the situation. “I don’t think he even heard me. Partly because you know how I rush through words like I’m rapping when I’m mad.”

“Told you to apply for that rap competition show on tv.”

“Kuroo.” Your glare earns an apology and light-hearted chuckles. “Another reason why I don’t think he heard me was because he actually had the balls to sit next to me during the karaoke session.” His eyebrows arch at the statement. “To which I dragged Mizuki to sit next to me and he got pushed to the side with the other guys.”

He huffs through his nose with a tinge of frustration, fingers running through his dishevelled hair. “How old is he again?”

“20, I think. But still, that’s no excuse for being so disrespectful towards girls and women. He’s already a full-grown adult for crying out loud.” You set the timer to 15 minutes on your phone, shuffling to your bed. “Out of all the boys I’ve met that are of his age or back when we were his age, I’ve never met such a disrespectful guy. In this area of discussion, I mean.”

“You mean you haven’t met such a horny monkey before.” Kuroo summarises. You snort at his remark, making yourself comfortable under the covers while waiting for the mask to work its magic.

“So you’re mad that he looked at your boobs.”

You place your phone between your folded knees, slouching against the bed frame. “Of course I am. It’s a violation against my body. How the fuck does he think he’s entitled to look at someone blatantly like that? Imagine someone staring at your dick like its nothing.”

The stupid cocky smirk appears on screen again. “Not gonna lie, but I would be proud. Or amused.”

“Freak.” You scoff, scrunching your nose at his reply.

His amber eyes gleam under the dim lights through the screen. “You sure you’re not mad at anything else?” He prods, not letting you off the hook.

“I guess I’m so mad because I never expected this to happen to me. I mean, look at me. What’s there to look at when I’m basically as flat as an airport?” You gesture to your breasts, ignoring his ‘you’re exaggerating’ interjection. “I would understand if he was staring at someone voluptuous or well-blossomed. But what’s the point of staring at a wall so flat there’s no cracks or dents in between?”

Kuroo’s sharp yet soft features settle into a knowing look. “So there is something else that you’re mad at.”

You narrow your eyes at him. “That is?”

“You’re upset that your boobs are small.”

Your eyes take a 360-degree turn, huffing exasperatedly. “I’m not. I’m happy with the way they are.”

“No, you’re not.”

“Yes, I am.”

“You’re not.”

“I am.”

His firm discerning expression in the 10-second-long stare off has you heaving a long sigh in defeat. “I mean, there are times which I wish they would be just a little bigger…” You hesitantly admit, biting the inside of your lips. “So I don’t have to rely on push-up bras that much. And they would look nicer in wireless bras… Or in deep v neck cuts… Or plunge dresses…”

“Babe, they’re perfect with the way they are now.” Kuroo’s words doesn’t come out as pity or consolation; it’s filled with raw honesty and sincerity.

You glance down at the soft flesh beneath your oversized t-shirt that once belonged to Kuroo. “I know, but sometimes you can’t help but want more, right?”

“I understand, it’s natural.” He nods in acknowledgment. “But we have to be grateful with what we have, don’t we?”

A soft smile tugs the corner of his lips at the sight of your pout. “You’re right. Why did I get myself so worked up just because of one horny monkey when I have such an amazing and supportive boyfriend?” His lips curl up with a little more pride at you remembering and reusing his little remark.

“At your service, always. And ever ready to chase off any horny monkeys in sight.” He places his hands to his eyebrows as a salute dramatically, earning a hearty laugh from you.

“Question time. On the bright side, don’t you save more on bras because they require lesser fabric than bigger sizes? Less fabric, less production cost?”

“If only it were like that, Kuroo. You know what, we’re going bra shopping for our next date.”

“May I be granted the honour of choosing the fine piece of garment?” He places his hand over his right chest.

You hold onto your imaginary ruffled dress in the air, dropping into a mid-curtsy. “If I have the honourable chance to be blessed by your gracious kindness to pay for it, be my guest.”

“Of course, m’lady.” He bows curtly, giving you a flirtatious wink.

You giggle at his sappiness. “Okay my turn. Aren’t you jealous that you don’t have the chance to hold them like other boyfriends do for their busty girlfriends when their boobs swell and get sore during their periods?”

He shrugs like it’s no big deal, but the glint in his eyes says otherwise. “It’s not like that’s the only time I get to touch them.” He wiggles his eyebrows at you suggestively.

“Pervert.” You gasp, covering your breasts with your arms.  

The timer on your phone beeps, signaling it’s time for you to wash off your mask.

“Didn’t take you to be a boob person. Thought you were more of a butt person.” You place your phone back on the wall mounted shelf in the bathroom, turning on the tap water to run.

“I’m neither. Because I’m a you person, your person. A person that loves you as a whole, not by parts.” You swear you can see him giving you that smug grin of his with your face submerged with water, washing off the remaining residue.

“You know, maybe God deliberately blessed you with a lesser amount in this aspect.”  His voice echoes through the speakers.

You reach out to your face towel hanging next to the sink and place gentle pats on your face. “And why is that?”

“Because God knew that you’d be unstoppable if you were blessed in all aspects. I mean, look at you. You’re already slaying it despite your fun-sized boobs.”

You nearly choke on your own saliva from the fits of laughter at his comment. “What the hell, Kuroo. No one calls a C cup and below fun-sized.”

“If people call those below the height of 160cm fun-sized, I don’t see why I can’t do the same with breast sizes.” He reasons with a nonchalant face.

“Fine, fun-sized boobs they are.” You give in, switching off the bathroom lights. “Your drop-dead gorgeous kick-ass girlfriend has fun-sized boobs.”

“And I love it. That’s what makes her special too.” He adds, face full-on smitten with love.

“Shut up, cheesy conman.” You chuckle softly, your face a mirror image of his.

“Well, you chose one yourself. No refunds.” The coolness of your moisturizer helps soothe the warmth blossoming across your cheeks, but not the warmth spreading throughout your chest like a cosy fireplace on a cold winter day.

【☾】

Zero and one digits flash on the top right of the screen, signalling it’s way past your bedtime. You’ve been on the phone with Kuroo for close to two hours, no wonder you feel yourself drifting to sleep each second. Kuroo senses it too, from the way your eyes twitch and lose focus.

“Alright, last question before we wrap up for today. When are you hanging out with them again?” He asks, stifling a yawn.  

You let out a yawn as well, stretching your arm over your head, popping a few bones. “I don’t know, but I may skip if he’s tagging along.”

“Nope, we’re going together. Me and you.” Kuroo states matter-of-factly with droopy eyes.

You rub your eyes that has been lidded with sleep. “What if you’re busy on that day like today?”

“Then I’ll just clear my schedule for the day. Gotta show the lil boy who owns this airport.” His deep voice croaking through the speakers of your phone.

“Airport?” You question, confused at his statement, wondering if sleep has started to take over your sense of hearing.

“Airport.” He gestures at his tiddies sleepily.

“Kuroo…” Your distressed groan doesn’t stop him from his babble.

“Gotta show to him that it’s a private one too, not some public area that’s available to any common folk like him. Right, babe?”

a/n: in Chinese, there’s a saying of calling flat chested girls or girls with small boobs as 飞机场, which means airport because the airport runway is flat. so it’s like one’s chest is so flat that it can run the plane lmao. all sizes are precious, don’t get me wrong. this is purely for entertainment purposes

shoutout to @moonboohoo​ for being my irl Mizuki that day ily ❤️

[marimopeace]

there's a limit on how much you can be an isekai intellectual...

a bunch of analyses have been popping up before me all day so i wanted to throw my hat into the ring. all love to ppl who are exercising their creative minds + ppl like geoff here who just talk about these things because of fan interest but i feel like there reaches a point where exploring the "types" of isekai is pointless? i've seen ppl list out the different types of villainess revenge isekai or fantasy mmorpg isekai but eh why fit them all into separate boxes like that?

i think it's easier to think of isekai as a "type" (genre) of itself with only two categories: 1) a focus on isekai (lit. another world) 2) tensei (lit. to be reborn). this allows for a variety of applications and thus tropes that ppl see so many trends of!

with isekai - in another world

you see everything from:

pure fantasy (inuyasha, digimon wait maybe not the best example but in my childhood mind i count digimon as pure fantasy, fushigi yugi)

mmorpg inspired fantasy/adventure (.hack//legend of twilight, sao ugh, log horizon, overlord (LOVE OVERLORD!)

otome game-esque worlds >>> this is where it gets complicated with "villainess routes" since i admit there are multiple villainess tropes but this is why it's nice to not think of this as a "sub-type/genre" bc it frees you from those complications! (the saint's magic power is omnipotent, the white cat's revenge as plotted from the dragon king's lap soso cute!, the savior's book cafe in another world, i'm a villainous daughter so i'm going to keep the last boss wait i can't remember if she's reborn in this one lmaooo see this is why rules make everything hard)

with tensei storylines - being reincarnated/reborn in another world as *insert character/role*

you see...

the same tropes!!

pure fantasy (a returner's magic should be special, reminiscence adonis, the lady and the beast, light and shadow, i can't think of a manga off the top of my head for this ah)

mmorpg inspired fantasy/adventure (so i'm a spider so what i stan kumoko so hard, her majesty's swarm, can't name another off the top of my head ah i hate lists shorter than two things...)

self-insert based games/novels (fiance's observation log of a self-proclaimed villainess, who made me a princess, death is the only ending for the villainess, the villainess wants to marry a commoner, honestly games vs novels are different applications but i'm not in the headspace to try to remember a bunch of both lol)

*insert line break to give random ppl a break from scrolling but tl; dr just enjoy things for what they are no need to micro analyze*

similar variations occur in both genres (if ppl want to be super technical i guess i'm arguing that isekai itself is a massive genre that has the "another world" subgenre and "reincarnation" subgenre tl; dr) so i think it's honestly a huge pain to try to separate all these trends into so many different types of stories. for me personally it's easier to not get overwhelmed by this gigantic umbrella of "isekai" that spans light novels, manhwa, manga, and mobile games by just stripping each story down into its trademark tropes (aka character archetypes, story structures) and slapping "oh this is a person going to a world that's not ours" and "this person gets reborn as blank in another world". none of this "omg this power fantasy is such a this kind of isekai moment" or "there are 14 different types of villainess revenge stories and this series fits into this" bc AH labels! limitations! circle-jerks via ppl trying to compartmentalize everything and sound smart for leaving a comment on story analysis instead of ooh-ahhing over a character's face! dividing things into light novel manga vs manga vs korean manhwa ft. female characters!

the last bit is mainly why i feel frustrated by ppl's insistence to group everything?

the video linked at the beginning of the post (honestly good video essay, i enjoyed it, i just kept thinking in my head the whole time "marimo these are tropes do not take the genre talk literally") has a baby comment thread talking about "korean isekai manhwas" as a genre featuring nothing but reincarnated villainess' and i can't.

like i cannot acknowledge that as a genre of any sort. the energy i felt reading through some of those insights takes me back to 2012 when all yt americans discovered k-pop and deemed all korean music k-pop from then on! (ppl still do this now, yes you are seen and don't talk to me pls i don't like you. k-pop is korean pop music and nothing less and nothing more. take a few seconds and try to parse apart aspects of korean culture instead of slamming everything into a monolithic label that has the letter k and a hyphen.) it feels so odd to see a bunch of young ppl on ig and tiktok acknowledge korean media that happens to be in the form of a webtoon as "oh stories all about young girls becoming villains in stories they made/played" bc it feels so reductive u.u

(positionality disclaimer that i'm praying isn't actually necessary: i am a 3rd-generation korean of japanese descent do not fite me i am exhausted irl of ppl asking for validation/verification bc massive shove off.)

breaking news! korean manhwa...is just as multifaceted as japanese manga...bc how can comics as an art-form not have multiple genres...huh such a shocker?!?! same likely applies to media in other parts of the world like chinese manhwa and french comics--not my place to explain either of those i just know those industries exist bc of wakfu and donghua shows by Tencent.

at the end of the day it's not like analyzing any kind of isekai is wrong--absolutely not!! i think it can be super fun to think about how isekai elements complicate a story (MCs trying to go back home, ppl from the og world, reincarnation plot-twists) or maybe even bash a series for including some kind of other world element when they could have just written a super fun fantasy.

insert marimo's brief ramble that hey you can get sick of truck-kun's hitting disillusioned guys who happen to be super duper smart or girls who happen to be master chefs/craftsmen but transporting a fully-grown being into a fantasy setting is the ultimate cheat code for making mundane modern technology seem cool and overpowered, and being reincarnated as a fully grown person in a world with a pre-made story/game set-up completely bypasses the need for an author to slowly flesh out world-building in a natural progression so isekai is actually a really smart writing tool it's just that there are some series where the author didn't use it well at all and it's cheesy or clearly isekai was misused as a vehicle for character/story development and it was pointless *DEEP BREATH OUT*

in this essay i will argue...lol i am such a culture studies major!! if i were an english major i would be talking all about writing but here i am having a side-tangent about world-building via someone being reborn wow i love this for me (don't get me started on when an author has someone reincarnate as a baby and the story is mostly them having warm fluffy moments with their family--typically father figures--and getting lots of powers i could and would and probably will rant about east asian toxicity)

but anyway am i crazy????? like yes for being passionate about the technical use of a word like genre (i am a scorpio rising let me be fussy pls) but i don't think it's a lot to ask for ppl to not unironically see "villainess revenge isekai" as the definition of korean manhwa.

idk as someone who resonates with why japanese isekai is so popular domestically + why a lot of korean manhwa feat. the same tropes (it's not for great reasons lads it's actually depressing tbh) i'm just starting to feel kind of pained by the generalization and need to separate "cute japanese girl in an otome game"/"japanese boy finds a harem in another world" from "korean girl dies and comes back as a villainess" bc they are just! applications to the same story device!!

recommendations for any who makes it this far down below <3

// also gladly recommend any of the examples i've listed in the above rant as i've read/watched all of them and adore them v much! //

save me princess

super refreshing fantasy manhwa ft. a princess and her ex-boyfriend having to save the world!

the beginning after the end

an AMERICAN web novel turned into a comic (but see it being not korean/japanese doesn't really matter when you just consider isekai as a genre...isn't it nice to not overthink it?) ft. a super-powerful wizard king reincarnated into another world and starting from scratch--gives mushoku tensei vibes but huge twists!

the reason why raeliana ended up at the duke's mansion

love love LOVE this story--read the title and you'll learn how this girl reincarnated as the character raeliana in a book gets married to a duke!

trash of the count's family

such a good novel!! a guy gets reborn as a lazy oaf and he takes the hero of the story under his wing...plot twists come up later on!

this time i will definitely be happy!

v good and refreshing for a shorter series! she's been reborn 3 times and remembers every time the hero's stabbed her in the back, and now she just wants to break up with him!

silver diamond

older manga but v good adventure w intrigue! a boy who loves plants get sucked into a desert world with demonic lizards and a mysterious bodyguard by his side. shonen-ai not BL but wonderful vibes nonetheless + great side characters!

the princess imprints a traitor

adore everything in this from the world (not in that way this society makes me so angry) to the machinations at play and the dynamic between the fl and ml

[lilover131]

Chapter 55 Thoughts

It’s been a while since I’ve taken the time to actually write down my reactions and thoughts about a chapter, but after a agonizing 3 month wait for a new chapter, I had a lot of time to think about a lot of things. The final day was certainly the most difficult, and I slept horribly trying to wait for this chapter to come out (it’d be nice if companies could regularly list like....a release time on a certain date so people aren’t literally refreshing the page every 5 minutes to see if it’s up. Or at least have some consistency!). My lack of sleep and constant thoughts about CCS though did manage to stir another CCS related dream, which I will talk about in a separate post. 

But hot damn was this chapter worth the wait! It certainly wasn’t what I expected, but it was really great in a lot of ways! 

ANYWAYS, I’ve rambled enough. My thoughts on this chapter are below the cut! 

So I will start off by praising the hell out of Sakura for her quick thinking in using SIEGE. That was definitely a wow moment for me and really shows her growth as a magic user and as a person honestly. This action not only spoke to her skill but also to how quick thinking she is in such an uncertain situation. Surely, having never had any reason to doubt Kaito or question his abilities before, It is almost unbelievable that she managed to think of that and do that in the mere seconds she had to respond after Syaoran made his accusation of Kaito. I’ve noticed as of late that her instincts in particular seem to be really really on point. She starting to trust herself and her feelings, and because of this, she is able to act without hesitation, and I have a feeling that is  going to be extremely vital later on. 

Sakura starts off by asking the real important questions and things I would ask myself in her shoes having just met another magic user, especially one with unclear intentions like Kaito. She seemed like she was studying him to gauge him and the reasons for his actions or what he might do. What intrigues me about this part is she first asks him if he knows about her being able to use cards. He answers with a simple “Yes”. But when she asks about if he knows about Syaoran, his answer is far less simple, and that might potentially be telling. Kaito stated that he knows Syaoran to be a “extremely gifted sorcerer” and “the next head of the Li clan”. Now, perhaps I’m overthinking this, but he could have just answered ‘yes’ like he did with Sakura, but instead he listed specific details about him that shows Sakura he has done his research and knows a lot about him. Now, we already knew that he had this information of course, but why does he want Sakura to know this in that moment? I’m fascinated by this and what he was trying to tell Sakura by telling her he had this sort of knowledge. Additionally, why is it that when it pertains to Syaoran, Kaito behaves so much differently than he does with anyone else? I’ll probably delve into that in another post, but I have some theories on that. 

After making this statement, Sakura and Kaito exchange some meaningful looks, though it’s unclear what the both of them are thinking in that moment. Sakura turns to look back at Akiho and Syaoran and appears nervous, like she’s concerned about something (I have a theory to that as well, but I’ll leave that for another time). Then, Sakura mentions Momo and asks where she went, indicating that she has not forgotten about the other person around earlier. Sakura seems to really be evaluating her situation with these questions she’s asking, but unbeknownst to her, Momo has been cut off from her tv drama and is pouting in the mansion. hahahaha! 

Momo, while upset that she can’t see what’s going on anymore, praises Sakura for her for her quick thinking and mentions that neither she or Akiho’s mother accurately predicted how powerful Sakura would become. The implications of this are unknown as it is unclear what they are trying to stop to begin with. 

The scene changes back to Kaito and Sakura’s ‘standoff’, and Kaito states that Sakura cannot stay hidden in SIEGE’s field forever. I believe he was trying to stir a reaction and speed things up as probably the longer he has his time spell up, the more it affects his body, so he cannot afford to waste any more time. In what appears to be his way of showing desperation (at least in my opinion), he points his staff in Syaoran’s direction and threatens Sakura by stating that “He will make the first move” if she won’t. My jaw dropped a this, and though I don’t believe he actually had any intentions of hurting Syaoran, just the implications and threat of it was enough to make my blood boil. Lmao. 

BUT ONCE AGAIN, SAKURA IS QUEEN and reacts ridiculously fast to protect her man and uses one of her newest cards, TRANSFER, to switch places with Kaito and....well...she put him in a box. Hahahaha!! Seeing Kaito all crammed in that small space inside of SIEGE was honestly so satisfying and it was nice to see him on the losing side for once. I can’t imagine he was happy about it either. He’s used to things going his way, and in this particular venture, it has been anything but. 

However, this unfortunately also becomes Sakura’s downfall. By switching places with him, she put herself out of the protection she had before and was now affected by Kaito’s time magic. She managed to take a few steps, running towards Syaoran, before she ultimately was stopped. Kaito makes mention of her progress. When you think about it, she’s gone from being able to move a pinky to moving as far as she did this time, so it’s a significant growth. 

He goes on to talk, though it’s unclear if Sakura could hear him at all, about a phrase Akiho had learned in her Japanese dictionary one time about “growing leaps and bounds”. He seemed lost in a memory where Akiho spoke of how she wished to improve her Japanese so she could become even better friends with Sakura and the others, and how happy she looked when she spoke of this. Honestly, this sentiment from Akiho is super relatable and resonated with me. I am fortunate to have so many friends in so many different parts of the world, and I absolutely love learning about their cultures and words of their native language so that I can become closer to them. But what also makes this moment so meaningful is that in this particular moment, Kaito is thinking about Akiho and her smile. One may wonder “Why is he saying this right now?”, but it really does display how much Akiho is on his mind and how much he cares about her and his reasons for doing all of this. 

Shortly after saying this, he seems to be in pain again, showing once again the deterioration of his body the more he uses time magic, and it seems clear that he really is getting closer to his own demise. He even says as much when he pleads to Sakura to please make the card he needs soon, before he runs out of time. I don’t think he’s necessarily displaying a will to live or anything yet, but more a “I have to get this done before I perish, or it will all be for nothing”. 

Disappointingly, time is rewound once again, and he takes it back to before he and Akiho decided on a location for their outing. @meimi-haneoka​ mentioned this, and I agree with her, but he could have rewound to any point in time and could have completely undone their entire day, but he chose to still have that outing with her anyways. It was a conscious choice he made, though he quite casually made sure they changed the choice of location (for obvious reasons). Lmao!!! 

Now we get to the really exciting part. So after Kaito rewound time, I gave a big sigh and thought “Well, here we go again”, but something was very different this time. Sakura’s serious expression standing in her hallway said it all, and she suddenly grabbed her phone from her purse and called Syaoran, saying “We need to talk. It’s important”. 

So Syaoran, being the most adorable worried boyfriend he is, runs into her house literally in the next panel and immediately asks if Sakura is okay. I can imagine that he probably ran the entire way to her house too, and it’s just so wholesome I can’t even. It’s crazy how well CLAMP shows the strength of their love just through small actions like these, and it really is a work of art with its subtleties. 

Kero and Suppi have not been told why Sakura’s behaving so seriously, as she was waiting for Syaoran to get there first, but soon enough she tells them all at once about how she remembers using SIEGE at the botanical garden. This understandably confuses Syaoran, since in his mind they haven’t even gone there yet. But, she goes on to explain that she remembers using SIEGE, but more importantly that she remembers seeing Kaito using magic. This is HUGE. Not only is this progress (have we finally gotten out of rewind hell?), but this means that Sakura likely will not be nearly as affected by any time magic in the future. And if Kaito cannot make her forget about him using magic, that makes every action he does in the future very precarious. It’s unclear what the implications are of this revelation, but it’s going to entirely change how she reacts around Kaito, perhaps how she reacts around Akiho, and the dialogue she has with Syaoran. Syaoran should theoretically be able to talk to her now about Kaito and what he’s done so far and what they know, and I’m so so curious to see what Sakura will do with this knowledge. Will she be upset? Will she be mad? Certainly she won’t be happy to know that Kaito’s been forcibly keeping Syaoran silent, but Sakura is a forgiving person in nature, so it’s hard to say what she’ll do. 

Anyways, this chapter was incredible and I cannot wait to see how this develops from now on. I have a feeling things are going to get real intense here soon now that Kaito can’t control things like he’s been doing a majority of the series. Things are definitely different now, and honestly it’s about fucking time. 

[ugh-tsumu]

Coming Home to You: Nakikinig Ka ba Sa'kin? (Are You Listening to Me?)

-> A Kita Shinsuke fan fiction inspired by Ben&Ben's song.

• Nakikinig Ka Ba Sa'kin is a quarantine-written song that tries to convey the message of the importance of listening to what each and anyone has to say. I guess this stems to how a lot of Filipinos have contrasting opinions in regards to different issues that are happening in the country. However, the music video is focused on how listening to one another is important in a family.

-> warning. aged up Kita, aged up f!y/n, suggestions of having a child with Kita

Coming Home to You Playlist (M.List)

Story and my note under the cut.

English lyrics for the song

-> a/n. i love this song so so much and it gives me huge family vibes and so, I decided to resonate it with Kita. I don't know but whenever I think of home or family, I immediately think of Kita. I just can see myself settling somewhere with him.

Not to mention, marriage. My thoughts about marriage along the years have surprisingly grown. Younger me would've insisted that marriage is important and everyone should eventually be married. But honestly? I think it is important but not a priority. And I think, to find someone who you can see yourself spending the rest of your life with is more important than finding someone who you love (does this make sense? i think no. but if you want to know, we can chat lol).

You did not need to wait for your child's response when you asked them where their father is. You knew where Kita would go when he's troubled: at his fields. And so, you are now on your way to his beloved rice field.

When the two of you were younger, Kita invested on a property he bought. You remember how enthusiastic he were when you visited the site. Although he was trying to remain calm exterior-wise, the way his hands curled from time to time and the way he pursed his lips when a smile tried to show did not escape your eyes.

He was passionate about this and who were you to stop him?

Your knuckles turn white as you gripped the steering wheel hard, remembering the heated conversation you had with your husband last night.

"I don't want you to go alone," you hissed as you folded the newly dried clothes neatly, refusing to bat an eye on Kita.

Kita should be mad, but he wasn't. Instead, he inhaled heavily, "Why?"

"Because you're alone," you said as if it were enough.

"I am not alone. I will be with my friends. You know them."

You lifted your gaze, "Yes, I know them. Osamu? The one you supply for? Who's been taking advantage of you for giving him a cheaper price. And that Atsumu? The notorious womanizer? Yes, I know them."

Now this is not funny. Kita frowned, "Y/N, I'm not sure why you came up with that impression but they can be trusted. And if your concern is that I am going to be away for days without you, I already told you beforehand that our reunion would fall on a weekday so if you wanted to come, you have to take a sick leave."

You did not listen to Kita's reasonable response. You focused on folding his clean shirt instead.

"Why won't you let me go?" Kita asked in a voice barely calm.

"Who knows what you would do while you're away? Without me? For all I know you'd-"

"What are you trying to say?" Kita's voice raised.

You stop from folding as you stare at him in the eye. Kita was the calmer one in the relationship but this time, you're afraid you pressed his buttons well. To the point that his chest is now rising intensely and his hands are in a tight fist.

"We'll talk once we're cooler," He said through gritted teeth, "I don't want to lose you like this."

You stopped the engine of your car. Calming yourself as you look at your own reflection at the mirror. Funny, because this scene felt so familiar to you.

Gathering up all the courage you currently have, you went out of your car. Finding comfort with how your boots are stepping on the tender soil.

You walked at the small pathways, trying to remain balance, afraid that you'd fall at the paddy field. In the middle of the huge landscape is where a little cottage stand. This is where farmers rest during breaks and you know you're right now that you see your husband sitting on the bench.

Kita immediately sensed you. Even when you were still far away, your silhouette alone was familiar to him and he speculated right.

He sees you walk towards the cottage, slightly exhausted from your short walk under the scorching heat.

Not breaking the silence, the two of you only stared at each other. Afraid that you might break this temporary serenity knowing how heated your argument were last night. In the end, Kita offered you the towel that was hanging on his neck.

"Thank you..." You said as you wiped the sweat trickling at the sides of your forehead, "May I sit beside you?"

Kita nodded, and so you did.

You sat next to him, shoulders brushing with one another as you stare at the rice field slightly being lulled by the noon wind.

"It's harvest season soon, isn't it?" You striked a conversation, stirring the waters as you hope that Kita is no longer angry at you.

Kita nodded, "We're double timing."

You pursed your lips, fingers restlessly tapping the wooden bench, "Are you mad at me?"

It took longer for Kita to respond.

"No...not anymore."

I will meet you at the end of your anger.

You nodded, tears swelling at the corner of your eyes as guilt still did not leave you. Instead, it is now overwhelming you, "I'm sorry for what I said last night. I'm sorry because you're supposed to be with your friends now."

Kita is aware of you tearing up. He can see you swipe the tears away but he figured you wanted space and so, even when he wants to touch you, he kept his hands to his self, "I know."

"I didn't mean them...and I wanted you to go." You told him.

"I know."

"Osamu is a good friend and his business is great..." You inhaled as you sniffed, "And Atsumu is charming and kind..."

Kita's old hands reached out to yours. His hands were veiny and rough against your skin, an evidence that he has grown so much from the first time you met him. And yet, he's still here beside you.

Your hand took his, interlocking them. A part of you aches because they no longer feel like the way they felt when you were both in high school.

"I'm happy..." You confessed knowing that Kita is listening to you, "Kita, I'm so happy when I'm with you..." You added.

You are that you stayed. Happy that you both are here. Happy that you get to see him change and happy that despite these changes, he's still the same.

"We should invite them over..." You suggested as you tuck your (hair color) hair that is now slowly turning gray, "I'm sure they can take a break from the city life. I'll cook them my specialty. And there's so much more you guys can do here..."

Kita leaned on the wooden bench, his eyes resting at the sight of your back, a small smile arising from his lips.

"I'm listening..." He said.

SHUFFLE (taglist). @gayerthanthee @thatnikkixx

Reblogging, liking, and comment is much appreciated. Reuploading and plagiarizing is frowned upon.