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we owe too much to each other to give up.
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Okay Here Is The Problem: everything costs money and yet money is something that i just literally never have. solution? kill the idea of money so that nothing costs anything Please. i'm so tired
#despite making more money w/ my commissions than ever before this year#i am still. not able to save up literally even one (1) single penny of it bc of bills#i have to make like 600 every month just to break even at like 5 dollars in my acct#please i am so fucking tired#i want to get myself things and do shit#i want to buy things for archie and jack's dog and for the house so that things are better for all of us#i want to be able to afford snacks more than once every three months like if i maybe want a bag of chips#instead of saving up for three months and going 'yeah okay 5 dollars for a normal sized bag of chips is finally worth it' ?????????????????#why the fuck are chips so expensive that is potatoes and spices and like all of it is automated hello?? what are we fucking paying for?????#ANYWAYS.#i am just fucking. Tired#due to recent events I was like#'okay how much are dog treadmills.... oh. i see. i will never be able to afford that even after three years saving. got it'#there are five hundred fundraisers on my dash (BARELY hyperbole) every single day and everybody needs help#so i COMPLETELY get people not having a ton of disposable funds this isn't me complaining about that i'm just.#i wish that i sometimes had money so that i could MAYBE save anything up or y'know. have ANYTHING to show for it#bc right now i am working full time at this job (commission/freelance artist and adopt maker etc) and making like maybe 4 dollars an hour#which is great bc when i started i was only getting about $0.11 an hour but like. that's still not. Good. For all the time i put into it#but due to circumstances and situations this is about all i'm physically and mentally able to do here and i LIKE doing commission but it's#not really. getting me anywhere and i just want to afford things finally.#i'm 27 and everything i own fits in one room and almost all of it was gifted to me for free bc i couldn't afford to get it on my own#delete later i'm just so tired man
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f r o g g y.
sweet froggy. i don’t know IF I CAN PUT THAT ON THIS BLOG. that being said. your ask. the art. yep. great tattoos. definitely nothing else happening. purely for the art.
pls have a frank in a possible apology. i hope you laugh at me. bc im crying and laughing at myself. it’s pitiful.~🎃
(just gonna slink on outta here now)
@fruityfroggyfelon
#listen i know im borderline sometimes#i get it#but fuck all if keeping a blog non redacted isn’t hard#it’s not like anything like….theres nothing exposed#there’s the insinuation#there’s hands#the top of a head#PLS#i’ve seen the piece and it’s a GOOD piece#again better than i ever could#and i’m so here for it#BUT I DONT KNOW WHATS ALLOWED#BC ID PUT IT UP THERE#BUT THEN I KNOW THAT ITS REDACTABLE#froggy why do you do this to me.#ily#frnkiebby#fruityfroggyfelon#frank iero#mcr#frnkiero#mcrmy#frnkie#mcr5#my chemical romance#my chem#ilhsm
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i do love canon amy & rory but god, does some part of me wish they really had gone with the idea of the doctor picking up a child as a companion (and then later, that child’s best friend with a huge crush on her.) with the rest of the season really not changing at all, except now it’s amelia pond with an angel in her head killing her and lost alone in the woods. it’s little rory who dies and is forgotten and becomes a toy soldier. if this is going to be a fairy tale, then let it be one. children have never been safe in fairy tales.
#it wouldn’t have to change any of the actual plot of the season. except MAYBE amy’s choice but even then i think amy’s choice would be the#one episode where they should be adults. if only for the half where they live in a village in that dream.#because that’s the kind of future that children would dream up. they live in a little cottage and nothing ever goes wrong and their best#friend visits them all the time even though they’ve grown up.#they aren’t actually adults there just children with an idea of what they should be as adults and acting accordingly#and it would still end the same way.#but idk its just. rory’s 2000 years waiting for amy inside the pandorica is already tragic. yes.#now imagine its a kid. a kid in a little roman soldier helmet who will never grow up. who will not leave his best friend.#he loves her and she’s more important than the whole universe and that sort of love is supposed to MEAN something in a fairy tale!#its supposed to melt the ice out of hearts and transform people from stone.#and what that love means here. is that he will have to wait 2000 years. a child and a box.#little rory and the amelia who followed the doctor’s letters to the pandorica. and she doesn’t recognize him again.#and amelia in the pandorica… 2000 years a child trapped in a small box waiting to be rescued.#s5 is already fucked for them but it could be worse. it could be so much worse.#and it would make the doctor choosing to take her place in the pandorica to save the universe later even better.#because who else but the doctor would put the fate of the universe on the shoulders of two children and realize much too late what a#monstrous thing he’d done. and still have to hope. have to hope. that amelia would remember him fondly enough to bring him back to reality.#the logistics of all of this would have been a pain lmao. child labor laws in acting and all that.#BUT. hypothetically. it would have slapped.#doctor who#amy pond#rory williams#<- also this entire time ive been referring to him in my head as rory pond so much that i fuckin. forgot his actual last name.#and then like if you want them to be adults in s6 or whatever you can just timeskip to them getting married and still have amelia remember#the doctor there. it would work. it would.#amelia pond au
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every so often i will see a post from a leftist on this website that is so egregiously ableist that i remember that like. oh yeah the userbase of leftists on this website is violently anti-disabled people and will jump at any chance to demonize any of us for any reason. i just forget that fact because i'm extremely dedicated to curating my space
i'm paraphrasing here but i saw a post that said, "every time i see an American [disabled person] mention being scared about the election because they're afraid of losing their benefits i have to laugh. anybody who wants blood-soaked money from the US government deserves to starve" which. like. goodness that's a lot to unpack. i think we should burn the whole suitcase instead !
#i inserted [disabled person] because they used a fucking slur instead and i didn't want that in my post#like i feel like there should be room for disabled people like me whose lives literally entirely depend on accessing said >#> extremely limited benefits in conversations about whether voting in this election makes you complicit in genocide#which like! i do understand. i do. it's nauseating to think about what this shit ass country is doing. it's horrific. i do not blame anyone#> for not wanting to be a part of that. *and* i am also terrified for my own life because i remember the first time trump won it suddenly >#> became IMPOSSIBLE for ANYONE to get on benefits. EVER. and so many disabled ppl i know went to renew benefits theyd had for decades >#> just to be denied. one of whom was a below-the-neck paraplegic. he died because he lost those benefits!!! because trump won#i really do understand why people dont feel right voting for harris. or why they don't vote at all. i truly do. but holy shit i am so scare#and yes! i am aware that people in palestine and gaza are suffering so much worse. and i wish i could change that#but every single person in power in the US is pro-israel and eagerly drinking the anti-palestine kool-aid. no matter who wins >#> things will not change in that part of the world. and it is infuriating. when the revolution comes this will change. but it hasnt.#the revolution will not save me as a physically disabled person. it will not save any of us. we do not matter to leftists. i am sorry but >#> this is the one thing i have learned after being in leftist spaces for over 10 years. and posts like the one i mentioned prove it#so i am very sorry. i really am. for being physically disabled. but i cannot survive another 4 years relying on my parents for everything#if trump wins i will be killing myself. this is a promise. i cannot do that again#i know it makes me a bad person to be afraid that harris will lose. but people on the left already think i'm a bad person for being disable#i want the genocide to stop. i absolutely do. i also want to survive. i am terrified that the US leftists will sacrifice disabled people#like me so they can feel good about being put in a real life trolley situation#again. im sorry. im so fucking sorry. i wish i was a better person. i wish i was able to give more. i know that if i was just a good#person i would be able to have a job and give to every palestinian gofundme on my dash. i would be able to do more than my daily clicks >#> and reaching out and calling representatives that don't care. if i was a good person i would be able to convince my parents that z*onism>#is deeply fucking racist. and that israel is wildly racist and killing palestinians for fun. if i was a good person i would be able to make#>them leftists too. im sorry. im sorry. im sorry im not good enough. im sorry that im scared. im so scared and it's not right for me to be#when so much worse is going on because of this countrys bloodlust. im sorry that im benefiting from being born here i dont want to be#im sorry for not having any other options. if i was a good person i know i would have them. im sorry. god im sorry im so fucking sorry
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good morning. thinking again of juve and her dog
#oreste garifalle save me. save me oreste garifalle (he cannot even save himself)#i just.. man its so over. by the time they encounter each other juve is the worst shes ever been & oreste doesnt yet know he could be better#so. sure. juve needs to gather the pieces of herself back up and double down on her coping mechanisms but not thinking at all about whats#happened to her/how she was affected by it and by instead fixating on someone elses problems. she needs to offer drive and direction to#another in order to feel more in control of herself#and luckily for her unluckily for himself. by the time she finds him. oreste is only Just stumbling out of a gothic pseudoincest nightmare#in which all of his own wants and desires have been very deliberately placed on a shelf higher than he can reach and hes all too eager#to accidentally replicate previous dynamics (dog) with someone new#so. tldr. juve needs to control/'fix' someone and oreste as of yet only knows how to be controlled/molded in anothers image#which would already be so bad except to top it off. juve is steadily fucking losing it. due to the repression crimes#and even as she tries to distance herself from the emotional aftermath of what she went through. it bleeds into the way she treats oreste#instead. like.#her base level dehumanization of him would already be bad but. as is. in the way it finds her.#juve completely lacks the finesse or grace or awareness to approach it as she normally would#so she instead traps them both in this horrible codependent situation where her 'fixing' oreste mostly involves her going oh! i know!#your problem is that youre not in touch with your anger right? you should be angry about what those guys did to you but youre not rigjt??#so!! easy fix!! lets just get you angry!!!#<- girl who is not entirely wrong but has also never processed any of her own anger a day in her life and Will be projecting#<- girl who will treat you both as a metaphor/extension of herself but Also as a recreation of the previous dynamic she was in with an#excessively angry individual#<- girl who decides the best way to put you in touch with your anger again is by. repeatedly triggering you until you protest#essentially bending your finger back and waiting to see which will come first. you letting it break or begging her to stop#and oreste is always too deeply traumatized and overwhelmed to do anything but let it break. so.#notnow#juve mizani#oreste garifalle#one of my favorite scenes i have planned for them is her making oreste relay what his abuser (kai) looked like. in detail.#as a skinshifter herself.#you see where this is going.#you should send me asks about them btw. if you want. also if you dont
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do you ever think about parker
#i am#not redemption parker idk who that is#but leverage parker? the best thief who is so much more than that#she's smart. so smart nate made her his successor and said you're like me so you can do it but enough not like me that you'll do it your way#and it'll probably be better#he trusted her with that!#and she was so capable of that!#and even that wasn't all there was to her!#she was a thief who learned to trust and care about others despite growing up not ever having been taught to#she learned to trust and to love (in a familial way and a romantic one! slowly but surely!)#she learned to do the right thing. to want to do the right thing. and that food wasn't just food! AHH#and she could also beat the shit out of someone with crutches!!!#I FUCKING LOVE PARKER LEVERAGE OKAY?!#leverage#parker#redemption writers put some respect on her name challenge im fucking begging you
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ill just be minding my business and then remember how fucked the experience i had with cps was and just how fucked cps is in general and actively harms the children its supposed to be there to help and get so mad i dig a hole into my skin with my nails so deep it starts drawing blood
#again. if you want the lore on why i fucking hate social workers so much. there ya go.#it makes me wanna fucking throw up everytime i see people felate social workers like theyre any better than cops.#not to be a broken record or anything but truly. the only fucking thing i had a lot of the time when i was like 14 was my stupid littl#e dc hardcore mix cd and i think digging that up and revisiting it has really brought up a lot of hard emotions and memories for me#ptsd fucking sucks so bad and it sucks so bad that ive made no progress since then either#i dont know. i dont know yall.#''you have to process your trauma'' ok well thats too hard and id rather die so. guess im too weak then and im not cut out for it#this is fucking stupid anyways.#too many feelings with nowhere to put them and no idea where to even start#thats not even considering what i currently haveto deal with in the present#um i give up and i was a fucking moron for ever believing life could be better#i dont have any profound conclusion. i was just fucking stupid for ever thinking i could be happy. lol.
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it's actually so fascinating to me that Brennan has created a character that maintains a pretty relaxed and mild-mannered demeanor and has said multiple times that the absolute Core of her is "FEAR" and how often we see this Fear manifest specifically in Avoidance; it really nails a relationship to that mentality where your brain fully Stops recognizing the emotion properly out of like, sheer self-defense from the stress of having to carry it all the time
I think this is also perfectly showcased in the way we tend to see Tula swing so suddenly from 'level and steady' to 'snarling Panic' and then back again - Just because your brain has detached itself from the Conscious Recognition of the emotion doesn't mean it can Actually stop itself from experiencing it. So the Fear is always there and always acting as a stressor, but because of that inability to Identify it there's no way to recognize or address it before that final straw hits and your bodymind jumps Straight into Full Meltdown Mode; but then once again, once you drop even a Little bit below that Peak Terror your brain ceases to process the emotion; it's like the most exhausting form of Poor Object Permanence in the world
And even if Tula is aware of this happening to her, that doesn't really make it any easier to deal with / address. Even if you're able to spot the symptoms Around the emotion -- chest pain, irritation, nausea, whatever -- because the Emotion Itself is basically impossible to find, you can't really Successfully Pin Down what the problem is OR a way to cope with it. If you can't figure out That You Are Anxious, then figuring out What Is Making You Anxious is impossible, which makes Find A Way To Make Peace With That incomprehensible. That's where the Avoidance comes in: you can no longer identify what might be a Dangerous Situation, which means that Anything New has a big potential to be Really Bad in a variety of ways (ranging "I don't Feel Good" to "Fully Lashing Out bc you've entered Fight/Flight and can't get out of it" to "Actual Outside Danger This Time") and that means the Only Way you know how to be Safe is to just Avoid Doing Anything New and Only stick to Familiar Situations, because anything unfamiliar is a monster of a gamble you don't know how to prepare for or cope with
#N posts stuff#one could argue ‘we see tula worry a lot tho’ but that’s bc Worry is an Action that can occur Separately from Recognizing Anxiety#now that I know tumblr will put a hard cap on your tags w/o telling you i'm resigning myself to posting rambling meta in post body#but i'm not happy about it; anyway i love how often life is full of Coincidences bc this is something I've Finally identified in myself#like. This Month. like this is brand new articulation for some of the problems i have in life; again knowing this doesn't help lmao#bc even when you know to look Around the shape of the emotion - like 'oh my face is Snarling rn. i'm probably experiencing Something'#like i said bc you don't know What that something is OR What might have caused it then the only solution you Ever get to come up with#is just 'fully retreat and go calm down somewhere else' which INVARIABLY means that you will wind up in that same situation again#and Still have no idea how to handle it bc you never could figure out what caused it so you don't know how to handle it any better than#'fully retreat and go calm down somewhere else'; so 'be somewhere else' is the ONLY way you can ever think to Help it#which usually invariably turns into 'Just Avoid Fucking Everything just in case'; which doesn't work! bc life doesn't let you do that#so then it's just a cycle of falling into the same pitfalls and feeling miserable all the time; gotta love it :)#if you're like me this also gives you Bad Bad Bad Memory bc your brain will Promptly hide evidence of Scary Situation instinctively#like 3 weeks ago this dude ran a red light and almost t-boned me Full Speed & managed to stop like. maybe 3 feet away.#and i like. Startled Laughed and said 'that was scary' and then within 30 seconds i had Fully Forgotten it happened & only remembered#like 2 days ago. Ha! believe it or not this Does Not Help with 'How can I Address the Problem instead of Avoiding It Entirely?'#dimension 20#d20: stupendous stoats#tula#d20lb
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spn was the top fandom BAR NONE for a decade on this site, wdym there are only ELEVEN jody/mary fics
#spn#supernatural#jody mills#mary winchester#jodymary#randi liveblogs media#area woman has to do everything herself#12x06 finally ate away at my brain in the background enough that i caved and went looking and--#i thought i was Suffering when my brain latched onto rillham as a ship#no no now i see these next however long is going to turn me inside out#at least its better than when i got obsessed with twftfejn lesbians??? :|#is there any way i can pspsps swanqueen ''how to get the savior to taste my forbidden fruit'' emma swan enjoying mutuals over to spn s12?#for my own selfish reasons just watch a couple youtube recaps and skip directly to s12 i need more ppl over here#yes the first arcs Fuck and are Genuinely good tv but--#no?? im stuck here by myself???#ykw fair enough :/#y'all not entranced by jody doing a speedrun of putting mary on a pedestal and having to knock her FIRMLY off of that in less than 12hrs??#y'all not entranced by mary Definitely Having A Complex abt jody being a better mother to her own sons than she was or ever could be#even if she'd been alive for the past two decades????#wild. crazy. i am clearly the only sane person in this fandom.#(for legal reasons that is a joke i was insane the second i decided to watch spn)#me
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Would it. Be too diabolical if i put lucanis in the tailored to elio version of the regret fade prison.
#varric is still making it into the regret fade prison he's just not the main attraction anymore#neve... so sorry bestie but i dont think her relationship with elio is good enough for her to have the kind of impact the prison requires#harding.... maybe. she and elio were better friends the problem is as a crow idk if he would be that sentimental#about her sacrifice. like i could see him explain it away as her choice#viago is obv making it into the regret prison. elio regrets tarnishing house de riva's reputation#he regrets putting viago in such a tough spot. he regrets looking to viago for familiar ties even if it was a bit long ago#elio's twin luar might make it there too. regrets trying to force a deeper bond with them even tho they were obv not that interested#also in a fucked up way. he comes to regret not being able to help minrathous more because it hurt luar's best friend#neve rather than just because it hurt neve period. (+ it forced luar to take sides and they chose neve so...)#there are also some more nebular regrets idk how to include just yet. elio following the crow's path and using his body to get info#during contracts even if it means he has to suffer thru pretending to be a woman.#elio knowing his ex loves him but choosing his own methods of doing contracts over said ex and causing them to break up#the kind of person elio chose to be. the kind of personality type he's boxed himself into (jokester/shoulder to cry on/defers to his#superiors/doesnt shoot above his station) and how he cant escape that anymore#and the most diabolical one. how elio regrets thinking he could ever find a family within the veilguard#and how maybe he even regrets falling for lucanis (elio did NOT get the dessert thing. he's operating in a lucanis#doesnt reciprocate his feelings wavelength) and how him being so pushy mightve led to lucanis being turned off#from pursuing him while also adding unnecessary stress onto lucanis
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idk how to even like. put this pain into words and i would normally vent about this shit on twitter, but the person its about follows me on there so like. anybody have skills for coping with the crushing realization that the person u love most in this world and have built ur life around sees ur current situation together as a temporary hurdle that's preventing them from their truest and happiest self which. is separate from u entirely? anyone know how to deal with this?
#live with my best friend in the whole entire world who. honest to god makes me the happiest person alive.#like im always waxing poetic about her in the tags on posts about platonic love#and i talk about her like she put the stars in the skies because for real it feels like she did for me#she is. the most important person in my life#and every day i feel grateful just to come home and sit with her#like honest to god i cannot imagine a future that is better than this#if i have a bad day i get to come home and my best friend in the world will make me laugh#what more could i ever ask for#but tonight we talked and she made it abundantly clear that. even if i do everything right#even if i'm the perfect roommate and the best friend i can be#in just over a year#when she's making enough money for it#she plans on moving into a place of her own#which like. makes sense for her. of course we were going to get to this point.#but i just. don't know what i'm going to do.#and it kills me that we're on different pages because for some reason i thought this was a long term thing#i thought we were going to move into a house together#i was just telling my coworker this week that we need to move into our forever home soon which was partially a joke#but also. even if i was making a million dollars a year.#i would still want to be here. with her.#or somewhere else. with her.#like it's so hard to imagine a future without her. it breaks my heart and scares the shit out of me.#and i know i can't afford it here. and i can't move in with strangers. and i'm working my dream job but i'm scared that i'm going to have t#give it all up and move back east because. i can't do this alone. and she's all i have. and all i ever wanted.#and she's leaving.#she doesn't want to be with me.#sry this is so fucking. ugh. idk. i just don't know what to do.#for real might just drop everything and move to chicago if it comes down to it ksdkfljdfs#its what sufjan would have wanted#fucked up terrible no good week
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maybe i should talk/show more about my oc now that i’m thinking… idk! everyone is doing something for their ocs/self inserts idfkkkk…
like i just made her for funsies like haha what if i’m eltingville also everyone is eltingville/northwest why not do it…
#nobody will care anyways ANWAYS#she could be based in worse part of me to show and how toxic someone can be with their friends#or also based on how people have treated me back then when i was a teen and met some not so good friends…#yeah… maybe it could be like that but she would be very much a men hater god so toxic so she would never meet those nerd boys#is not like she wants to anyways BUT i think she meets Josh NOT in the comic store#but in some random store that sells everything yknow and they both saw a book/comic they both liked so much and then started to argue#but Vick is kinda the same as Bill and she doesn’t take a no (although she’s not physically violent like Bill but she has a big mouth)#but she’s a loser so she stfu to Josh and get the book. until they made some weird decision bc he never saw a girl like that#or fought with a girl about something he likes more than just getting insulted from his back so like they would exchange numbers/socialmedia#to read the book they want aaand that’s how they became friends because then josh started to chat more with her yknow#bc they both like akira and also robots so bc he is autistic and annoying he can’t stop yapping now that he has a friend#if he thinks that’s a friend bc Vick always blocks him bc he is so fucking annoying. yknow. meeting more toxic ppl in his life poor guy#but yeah that will be the arc of her i guess she’s also pretty lonely but the thing is she got used to it so she likes it#although doesn’t like to deal with idiots and that’s the first guy friend she ever had#her other best friend and only friend (also half toxic relationship but she treats her better) is with fake geek girl#they are from the same school and Vick always give her terrible advices and how men are terrible blah blah blah actual nonsense#also Vick is like the toxic equivalent of Bill in a girl but less violent and not that loser (she is tho)#so she will put fake geek girl into problems when she didn’t do anything and it was all Vick faults! so yeah that’s their friendship#it’s like Jerry and Bill but girls and they don’t punch each other or insult each other. but is still toxic#SO YEAH AHAHHA A LOT OF YAPPING IN HERE ABOUT MY OC MAYBE I SHOULD DRAW HER#i guess idk maybe yes maybe nah too busy
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god the internet is such a wild place. you have people realising truths about the world that others have known since time immemorial and acting like theyre the first person to have thought about it immediately followed by people being complete garbage trash under the guise, want, or desire of/to be morally righteous in every possible way! it's great!
#i went on twitter again#it was awful#i got mad at a vegan not understanding how consumption works#like no shit other animals have complex brains with thoughts and emotions#we've understood this as a species for like ever#well some of us have anyway#veganism as a form of moral righteousness is inherently flawed because it's built upon two things#1. putting others beneath you for an arbitrary reason#and 2. not understanding that consumption IS 'natural' and isnt 'bad' or 'pointless'#plants have complex thoughts and emotions too! should we stop eating them? No!#im all for veganism for the sake of saving the environment pr dietary restrictions or personal preference what have you#but GOD are morally righteous people the FUCKING WORST#just. fuckin. eat animals dude. it's fine. everything is meant to be consumed in like an eating way so just. consume. in like an eating way#also the whole thing about 'moral righteousness' is a topic i could complain about ad nauseum#you aren't better than anyone else in the world because of what you dont do. inaction is the same level as negative actions#i think thats in the bible somewhere#anyway that's all for my tag rambling
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SOOOOOO hard to go through everyday life trying to ignore the never-ending feeling that im just irreparably fucked up and therefore should just give up on everything
#this aint exactly s******* but it aint exactly not s******* either#anyways it gets even harder when i have to live under the same roof as my brother who is so much better than me in every single conceivable#and imaginable way possible like#and i knowwww a LOT of it comes down to us having relatively similar yet wildly different lives despite being 1.5y apart and having the sam#family our entire lives like he has gone through NOTHING and i mean not a single societal issue ive had to face and endure my entire life#he's a man im a woman. he's white im black. he's straight im gay. he's skinny ive always been 'overweight'. he's always been the good#christian kid ive always had issues w faith and religion. he's never been mentally ill i was clinically depressed for nearly 8yrs of my lif#we both lost the same parent and im the only one who got pathological grief and a personality disorder out of it. he's had a great job for#the last 7yrs that now pays him 20k+ every month ive only had 3 odd jobs my entire life and 2 of those my MOTHER had to give me so i would#have SOMETHING and ive never made over 1.6k monthly n my last job was minimum wage only#he's had like 4 relationships and is nearly engaged im so traumatized + emotionally unavailable ive only ever been on 1 date my entire life#he has a good relationship w every family member we have i have Issues w like half the family. he's always been an active member of our#church i can barely listen to like 4 traditional hymns before i start losing my mind and spiraling. i think the only two ways we're pretty#much equal like socially is that we're both able bodied cis and christians but still the cis and christian thing is debatable for previousl#stated reasons so like. do yall see how much better he is doing than me in every little last area in life and how he's always gotten the#long straw when it comes to Not having to deal w certain obstacles in life. n i know its like yea idk what it actually is like to be him an#he could not be doing all that well first of all shut up. second of all if it was 1 or 2 things i'd get it but it's literally EVERYTHING#and i know bc of said things n our v different lives it's unfair to me to compare the two of us but then it begs the question: WHY#WHY did i have to go through these things. WHY do i have to deal w this. WHY did i get the short straw literally every goddamn time#WHY did i have to get THIS life like WHYYYYY why ME GOD. why have I had to put up w all this bullshit for 24 fucking years!!!!!!!!! im TIRE#and this is not me hating or resenting him i know it's not his fault and he is so good to me#but still. why was i left with these things? to live like this?#so yes i guess i do envy him a little bit. who wouldn't#mari.txt#personal#tw negative#dl#btw i do NOT mean some identities are better than others. i mean he is better and is doing better than me in life partially bc he's never#had to deal w certain social issues and obstacles that come w oppressed identities.
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Someone on r/paraprofessional: “This job is so stressful; it’s not worth it for only 21 dollars an hour.”
Me: “…….you guys get paid 21 dollars an hour?!”
#Who the hell puts ONLY before 21 dollars an hour I’m losing my minddddd#No it’s not the best wage ever and the system fucks all of us over; but that is so much better than what my district gets paid#ONLY???!??!#w h a t#I’d be so financially secure right now if I got paid 21 dollars an hour I swear to god#I’d be eating day-old bakery donuts all the time if I had that kind of money#To be fair though the cost of living could be higher over there than it is here but still
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