#s5 is already fucked for them but it could be worse. it could be so much worse.

[quietwingsinthesky]

i do love canon amy & rory but god, does some part of me wish they really had gone with the idea of the doctor picking up a child as a companion (and then later, that child’s best friend with a huge crush on her.) with the rest of the season really not changing at all, except now it’s amelia pond with an angel in her head killing her and lost alone in the woods. it’s little rory who dies and is forgotten and becomes a toy soldier. if this is going to be a fairy tale, then let it be one. children have never been safe in fairy tales.

[kiss-inthekitchen]

bonus! i said i wasn't posting anything new til this weekend but i just got up to s5 e2 and spencer reid with that lollipop has made me insane, here's a drabble i just wrote in like 30 mins. barely edited, hot off the presses, hope u like

sucker

~500 words

Who the hell let this man have a lollipop in the workplace?

You could kill Garcia. 

You’re trying to act normal– trying so hard– but he looks so good. His hair is longer than it's ever been, so beautifully curly at the ends and you just know it’s soft. You need to test the theory but you can’t and it kills you on even a regular day. 

But today is a thousand times worse. There’s something about Spencer since he got shot, he just seems to give less of a shit. It definitely shouldn’t be as attractive as it is. 

It doesn’t help that you’d come in to tell him that you all had to be on the jet in thirty, and then he and Garcia had started asking questions, so Spencer’s been looking up at you from his chair for the past few minutes and something about it is getting to you. 

So yeah, you’re trying not to get so immediately caught for staring at Spencer as he wraps his lips around the lollipop again, but you’re also not about to miss a single second of it. You’re not about to do yourself that disservice. 

You clear your throat as the news broadcast about your unsub ends. “Right. So we’re going to Louisville.” 

Spencer moves to get up, finally. Popping the candy in his mouth, he waves one– large, long-fingered– hand at Garcia and reaches for his crutches. 

What is wrong with you?? You need to get it together before you’re stuck on the jet with pretty boy and all of the most astute people-readers in the Western hemisphere. 

God, you hate your life. If the universe was kind and loving it wouldn’t have had you meet Spencer in the behavioral analysis unit. If the universe was kind and loving, Spencer would be yours already. 

This was some kind of cosmic joke. 

“You good?” he asks. He took the lollipop out of his mouth to speak to you, his eyebrows raised in the most annoyingly attractive way. 

“Yeah?” you scoff, as if he’s the one being weird. 

“Okay. Cause you told me we have to leave and now somehow you can’t keep up with the guy on crutches,” he muses from the doorway, while you haven’t moved an inch. 

This man. If he wasn’t injured you would hurt him. You might just do it anyway. 

You shoot him a sarcastic smile. “I was being polite.” 

“How chivalrous of you,” he says, putting the candy back in his mouth and crutching his way down the hall without a second glance. 

You look at Garcia, and it’s a mistake. You can read her like a book. “Don’t,” you warn, pointing at her, and she presses her lips together but is clearly smiling behind them. “And I am so mad at you for that,” you add, gesturing after him. 

“Wh– he just took one, it’s not like I–” 

“Save it!” you call, already halfway out the room. You hear her laugh behind you, and shake your head. You love that girl, but she was not doing you any favors. 

Fuck it. 

You breeze past Spencer in the hallway. “Keep up, pretty boy.” 

You hear his indignant, playful scoff behind you, and you can’t help the smirk that creeps onto your face.

[ilikekidsshows]

https://www.tumblr.com/monpetitchattriste/763502568822423552?source=share

What are your thoughts on this scene? It's from the London special that mostly didn't happen in London.

---

I look at this dialogue and all I see is Marinette lying to make herself look better and to make herself look like the victim at the same time.

What she's saying basically amounts to excuses for why she lost. There was no way she could defeat Monarch; he had hostages and he had all the other Miraculous and he severely injured her! Can't you see how little agency she had in what happened when Gabriel had to rescue her? If the world is fucked up it's totally not her fault because she didn't just basically give up, she was severely injured!

Like, we saw in the S5 finale that this lie is gonna stick, that Adrien will be happy in his new orphanhood with a martyred father, so Marinette will be shown to be in the right for this lie. For all Adrien looks like his world is falling apart here, the writers will imply the alternative would have been worse. Also, I saw people in the Miraculous wiki already claiming what Marinette said isn't technically a lie, if you look at things from a different perspective, and now I'm convinced that the lie version is gonna be the one the fandom remembers.

Also, I have no intention of watching this special, but something about this framing tells me there's gonna be more focus on how despite him now being an orphan, Adrien will still be in less emotional turmoil than Marinette will be. Maybe she'll feel guilty for lying to Adrien and it won't be because she did something wrong in the eyes of the writers, but just because we can't have a single special where the main focus isn't on how Marinette is the most upsette of them all.

Also, she saw proof of the degree Gabriel's abuse of Adrien went, she saw the literal padded sensory deprivation cell, and decided: "Yeah, lying to make Gabriel look good is definitely the right call." Marinette's lies being purposeful gaslighting instead of her just "not knowing" confirmed. Thanks I hate it.

[familyagrestefanblog]

The existence of the Ox miraculous is such an unnecessary ugly detail when you think about Ladynoir and how Chat Noir served as the punching bag and scapegoat for Ladybug, Alya as Marinette's actual partner in season 4, and the whole team in every single way pre-s5

The Ox gives the power of immunity even against any other Miraculous power. One would think with Adrichat's self-harming tendencies that canon had Marinette make entirely about herself because "they're haunting her so much", and her still narratively entirely unchallenged tendency of leaving Chat Noir behind on the battle field as sacrifice or bait to possibly have whatever the hell done to him so she can be save and sound while she and everyone else can look and be cool on his expense

With all that, one would have thought that if Canon Marinette truly loved Chat Noir "sooooooo much" and is oh so haunted by his self-harming behavior and him always getting hurt so she sidelined him "for his own good"

Then how come at no point did Marinette do the actually caring thing by giving Chat Noir the Ox miraculous since he's ALWAYS left behind BY HER so she can leave the battle field and execute her plans with the others save and soundly? If her Chaton's well-being was oh so important to her and it always "pained her so much" to see him getting hurt then why was the Ox only used 2 insignificant times by Ivan at the end of season 4 when it could have saved Chat Noir ALOT of suffering all the way through?

Or the turtle. Or ANY OTHER Miraculous for that matter?

Why was Alya getting two miraculous in Hack-San perfectly fine with Marinette but heaven forbid Marinette is actually expected to ACT like she gives a damn about Chat Noir's well-being as his leader, guardian, partner, and friend and not just the show having her claim superficial words that hardly have anything to back them up once they actually have to mean something?

Its almost as if Canon inherently doubled down on having Marinette be the kind of leader who will only do things in a way that primarily benefit HER while everything else gets swept under the rug because she isn't maliciously intentioned and then never brought up again. And unfortunately it was her who was written to prioritize making an unnecessary team of 18 miraculous holders no one ever asked of her to form (Su-Han even told her NOT to give out the miraculous like candy),

so Marinette was just made to not consider Chat Noir either at all or simply not as worthy enough of any kind of consideration in her entire leadership/ guardianship or actual safety, support, or ANY KIND of resource since that wouldn't be narratively about her, now would it?

She can't have Chat have the Ox because she might need Ivan as Ox in 4 months and she doesn't want to have to ask Chat to get it back or end up NOT getting to use this ONE other Miraculous out of a whole ass box, because that would involve a basic ass conversation Marinette can't have apparently or her not getting to use all of the miraculous however she pleases at any given point

The horror. Now she would have only 14 miraculous to work with!

As per usual, count me fucking unimpressed by Marinette's writing. The negligence towards Chat Noir on even the most basic level is insane and she was declared the epitome of leadership and kindness for this.

Cool that Marinette already decided in her head that Ivan is suitable for the Ox miraculous and he should get it in future, but Chat Noir needing help and protection wasn't some theoretical case, it constantly happened right in front of her eyes and even by her own freaking orders too because she never thinks of him in ANYTHING and the show glorified the hell out of her as leader for doing all that

Why is looking into ANY detail only making Marinette's side of Ladynoir so much worse ever since season 4? There is no escaping this! Just don't add the Ox with this power or actually have Marinette be a good leader towards Chat Noir. But noooooooooo.

[zylian]

wtf type of convos did I miss in s5 pertaining to s4

———

“Wait your right, I killed Subz, I’m impressed cause Subz was really good and I never wanted to admit but he was the bane of my existence back in fucking season four”

“That’s really funny”

“I don’t think you understand the things I would have done to you if Subz wasn’t constantly there”

“He’s minutetech! I’m telling you he’s minutetech!”

“Yeaaaah, low key he was the only one who could defeat minutetech”

“He was minutetech dude, he was minute dude, he was- AND they were on the same side this season! Can you believe that dude”

“Oh my god that would have been hell”

“Yeah omg, if- dude if he was still here fighting on minutes side dude- …we could convince him to switch”

———

what does he MEAN he could’ve been worse to zam and that does slightly change my opinion on how much worse s4 could’ve gotten

Also zam saying subz was minute while mapic saying subz could’ve beaten minute, they are both on separate pages , zams blending his vision while mapic has them completely separate from his experiences

ALSO ALSO ZAM WAS WRONG- In that fight that led to the warden fight, Subz specifically asked Spoke to get the kill to make sure mapic didn’t get it and so spoke got the final hit in call with him & planet

Technically tho Zam remembered right cause Subz said leviathan killed him and blamed mapic and ro to make sure spoke was kept out of it (there’s many moments subz told zam not to fight spoke throughout s4)

Honestly the amount of nonchalant stuff subz alluded to zam about never relying on Vi and he would rather rely on Spoke is insane mind you

Literally there’s a point zam and subz talk about who zam would rely on if subz was out of the picture (well before any betrayal) and zam says he should logically rely on Vi cause they’re teammates and Subz whips around in shock saying “no!?!”

Plus the time zam wanted to call vi for a 3v3 and subz said if he’s calling for Vi than he’s already lost-

Something about Subz wanting revenge on parrot and red and knew spoke was doing so much damage to parrot that he started to feel bad for parrot and 90% supported spoke

Anyways there’s also the time subz specifically told mapic he would rather die 10 times over to spoke than once to him, than both got cut off cause poopies the endermite got discovered (which is insane btw)

I was not aware of mapics actions being restricted cause of subz and not his own free will

S4 could have gone SO many different ways oh my god I did not know he cared

[ninja-go-to-therapy]

Binder, Binder, On The Wall

ao3

so i dug this out of the drafts from like 2021 after watching s5 because i needed some silly spicynoodles after all of. that.

can be read as anytime around seasons 1 or 2

780 words

“Catch you at a bad time, noodle boy?” Red Son cackled, clearly revved up for a fight.

MK chanced a grimaced smile. “Kind of, yeah.”

“Well, now you know how I feel! Now, I’ll be taking that staff.”

“What, this?” MK asked, with a silent promise to himself that if he just pushed through the pain for now, he’d be fine. “I don’t think so!”

His promise didn’t seem to be working out, because as that hothead attacked him, MK’s own attacks were sluggish and uncoordinated. His body was aching in pain, and he needed to hurry up so he could get these bandages off and—

MK went flying, landing in a heap, though his staff was still safely in hand.

He didn’t get up.

He didn’t have the strength. Or the energy. Or the will.

“Get up and fight me you coward!” Red Son demanded.

MK just groaned, clutching his free hand to his ribs.

“Ugh, you peasant, I’ll just — okay, seriously, are you okay?”

MK glanced up, surprised to find genuine concern creasing his enemy’s brow.

“None of your business,” MK grumbled.

“Um, it is too my business if it keeps you from giving me your full attention in our battle!”

MK fanned himself with his shirt, sweat dripping down his body without care. 

“I can’t—” he wheezed slightly, “I can’t breathe.”

Red Son scrunched his face in that cute way he did when he was genuinely considering something. “Have you tried inhaling?”

“Yes I’ve tried—oh god I think I understand why the internet told me this wasn’t smart now.”

Fuck. If his ribs weren’t already broken, they had to be close. His body hurt like hell, and as much as he hated the feeling, he had to take off the bandages he’d used to bind… when had he put them on, sometime yesterday afternoon? 

“What?” Red Son demanded, “what the hell did you even do to yourself?”

MK smiled up at him sheepishly. “Just some improper binding habits.” It wasn’t like he could afford a real one. And he couldn’t burden Pigsy with that either, that would be—

“I don’t… understand.”

Heat rushed to MK’s face. “Um. I’m… you don’t know what binding is?”

“It sounds like a nonsense human thing,” Red Son scoffed.

“Yes yes, nonsense human stuff,” MK agreed, shifting carefully on the ground. “Anyways, not that it’s not great beating you, but can we like… rain check?���

“Psh, beating me, you’re not even moving. Agree that I win today and I’ll be off.”

“But you don’t have my staff!” MK shot back with a smug grin.

“Oh, right.”

They stared at each other for a moment.

“So… truce?” MK offered.

“Ugh, fine. But you won’t be so lucky next time, noodle boy!”

“See you tomorrow,” MK grumbled, half waving as Red vanished in a puff of fire.

Now to climb the set of stairs to his apartment — or, screw that. He gripped his staff, essentially pogoing up and right to the door.

As painful as it was, at least he was up.

He fumbled with the keys, collapsing onto his bed the moment he was inside. 

He pushed his shirt up, his arms feeling like limp noodles — heh, kind of ironic — and absolutely not having the energy to so much as twitch, let alone get these accursed bandages off.

Most of him would rather suffer the pain and just sleep. But he had a feeling that would only make things worse, and he was pretty sure he would break a rib or two if he kept these bandages on for much longer.

If only one of the 72 transformations included transgender.

But it was what it was. No matter how much it sucked.

Exhausted, he sluggishly removed his already sloppily applied bandages, able to breathe properly for the first time in 18 or more hours.

It didn’t take long for him to pass out, on top of the covers and halfway between mattress and floor. It didn’t matter too much to him. He just needed a really, really long nap.

------

He woke up sometime after midnight to go to the bathroom, trudging through the piles of clean and dirty laundry alike strewn on his floor. Every inch of his body ached like he’d been trapped under a mountain for 500 years.

Damn, that must have sucked.

As he made the trek back to his bed, he noticed, faintly outlined in the dark, something neatly folded on his pillow.

He turned on the lamp on his bedside table, now able to see a note written in an impossibly neat scribble placed atop a brand new binder.

You owe me a real fight. -R.S.

[skayafair]

Ok so we've all went through some stages regarding the finale and The Great Divorce (or lack thereof) in S5.

I'm not a patron so I have no idea which turn the plot is going to take in reality, but after some insight from the others I've noticed which way would have been the most enterteining for me.

So a lot of people already noticed that Arthur probably isn't going to be pissed at John all that much. Yeah the situation isn't peachy but they had worse, and I don't even mean like "part 18 The Madness" kind of worse. Whom Arthur took his rage on was Kayne, so the "you lied" might have referred to him as well. (REALLY, THANK YOU to those who noticed that, it made the finale MUCH better for me, although it was good and fun as is.)

If Arthur IS mad at Kayne:

Why did he sound so defeated in the end? Was it an act to gain some time to figure out how to get out of this predicament? Or was he shocked to witness two of his allies die or disappear (and I think he IS worried for Noel a fair amount), maybe spiraling to "everyone around you dies" and "nothing gold can stay" as a possible future implication again?

A fun part for me would be if there is some self-blaming, too. Because after hearing the whole story it's easy to arrive to a horried realization: after Arthur's deal John was supposed to be safe, and he wasn't, therefore, Arthur failed him.

Even though getting John back with no memory was selfish (because erasing the memory would have critically affected John when he didn't have a say in it, and that's obviously messed up) and not ideal (it still put him at least with his friend instead and gave a chance to develop on his own again rather than being consumed by the King, which... yeah... I often forget how fucked up Arthur's behaviour with Yellow actually was from this POV :')), it still helped them both. They had better chances at survival together rather than on their own. It wasn't the worst outcome, Arthur didn't betray his friend. John being safe(-er) was an equally important part of the deal as Arthur not being alone. But since Kayne didn't hold his end of the bargain, John wasn't just in danger. He was in the Dark World, for indefinite amount of time. That was a complete opposite to the conditions of the deal. If Kayne didn't strike another deal with John, they wouldn't have met again, probably. John would have stayed in the DW while Arthur could still have his life and a chance at a new friendship, however sour it turned in the end. So, in a distant, inderect way it was like Arthur was betraying John while not even knowing this. Because he thought he could trust Kayne on this deal. It's not exactly logical and is rather a stretch but it's easy to leap to this conclusion, especially for someone with self-depricating tendencies like Arthur's. He's doing better but I don't think he's completely past it yet. He was failing someone dear to him without knowing, again. We know how he feels about that.

Moreover, we know how Kayne emphasises time and again how powerless John is before him, but Arthur is just as helpless. His rage at Kayne seemed to die out in a span of a few minutes, giving way to a lifeless "I'll come" after Kayne's demonstration of power. Which feels unltimately out of character and I know HG knows his characters well, so there HAS to be an explanation and I'm just... WHICH ONE GRRR I NEED TO KNOW!11 He may be furious about Kayne's actions but still not be able to do anything about this. And in my mind this relates to the talk about faith he had with John: that if he believed in God, Arthur would have had to believe all the deaths around him, as well as Faroe's, was God's plan, and he just can't agree with that. Not said but I think implied: it would have meant that some very powerful entity decided to kill or hurt a person he deeply cares about with his own hands/ignorance, and Arthur doesn't have a say in this while being the one at fault. It's the same here.

Oh, wait, this isn't even the second time it would have happened! It's the third, the second was John's doing, with Parker's death. Arthur has a streak!

So all in all, if the finale revelations don't trigger some trauma in this department that needs dealing with, I'd be a bit sad. But not much, part 40 gave A LOT of new opportunities, so I feel like a kid in a candy store anyway. I wonder which ones are going to be explored in the show, and will be waiting for the ficwriters to do their magic, too :D

[littlepetbee]

alriiiight @seeinhindsight i thought long and hard and came up with a list idea for your reading and cheering up pleasure! one of my fav things in narratives is when the setting is inseparable from the story: it shapes it, it causes it, in some ways it is the story. or maybe, if we're lucky, the setting is almost a character itself.

so without further ado, here is A List Of Setting-Oriented Stories That I Love (in no particular order):

1) Here Today by Ann M. Martin: (Setting As Personhood and Protector) a gut-wrenching little middle-reader novel that has haunted me since i was 13 where a cul-de-sac full of weird outcast poor kids and their parents/neighbors are both harmed and held together by being from Witch Tree Lane. 10/10, have not stopped thinking about it for 20 years and upon reading it again in my 30s was happy to find that it holds up <3

2) IT by Stephen King: (The Horror of Setting) the novel and the movies are both really good, but when it comes to the setting aspect, the book wipes the floor with the movies. 1153 pages of how derry, maine eats people alive (sometimes literally), shapes them into what they were destined to be from the foundation of the world (for better or for worse), and creates the cycle of violence while also being the only way to break it. 9/10, mr. king, you and your cocaine are fucking crazy

3) Teen Wolf: (Setting As Villain) i'd be remiss not to put this on the list when it ruled my life for almost a decade, no? even in the batshittery that this show could be at times, you can't escape the fucking brilliance of beacon hills, california being a literal beacon for the supernatural, awoken by the heartfelt sacrifice of three kids that were willing to die to save their parents. god. if only jeff davis knew how to delve deep. we really could've had something there. 6/10, because s5 brings that shit wayyyy down

4) Outer Banks: (Setting As Motivation) i'm mostly drawing from season 1 since anything truly meaningful went out the window after that, BUT setting a treasure hunting story on an island where "you either have two jobs or two houses" is just. the best fucking decision they could've made. you see the stark contrast between Figure 8 and the rest of the island in the same light as the pogues do, informing their desperate (and sometimes bad) choices and rewarding these kids for not knowing when to quit. 10/10 for season 1, 5/10 as a whole

5) Low Tide: (Setting As Motivation 2.0) following up obx with this one because it's literally exactly the same thing lmao. once again teenagers, once again treasure hunting, once again a setting that breeds wealth inequality - in this case, a beach town where the rich swoop in for the summer and then get to leave, while the poor are stuck there forever, holding everything down. what can i say...when i like a theme, it'll always be the more the merrier. TWO CAKES, as they say. 7/10, thank you jaeden martell for my life

6) Feel The Beat: (Setting As Story Success) idk if that tagline makes sense, but i mean that if this cheesy little dance movie that i love with all of my stupid, sentimental, old lady heart was set anywhere other than Bootyass Nowhere, Wisconsin, it wouldn't have worked. sure, the same sort of plotline could play out, but it would be missing most of the heart, depth, realism, and casseroles that make it great. 10/10, no notes. and i really truly mean that.

7) Attack The Block: (Setting As Both Savior and Destroyer) this is a newer one (and it was on my last list lol) but it really fucking got me, guys. the backdrop of an alien invasion being a british housing estate where the people are already used to banding together against outside forces is a stroke of genius. and then the intersection of classism and racism and how they link up to punish the people that deserve it least...fuck. 8/10 as we established last time

8) Plan B: (America Is Hell) not a #deep and hard-hitting exploration of setting in any way, but a hard-hitting story so deeply american in nature that you can't really ever forget it during the entire runtime. it haunts the narrative at every single turn, from parties to pharmacies to rundown little dive bars and playgrounds after dark. the usa is its own special brand of Fucked and even our teen comedies can't escape it. 9/10, just because I Did Not Ask To See That Penis, Thanks

9) Tarzan: (Finding Yourself Through Setting) GENUINELY MY FAVORITE MOVIE OF ALL TIME! (and maybe where this whole Setting thing started for me? who knows.) just. the jungle as a place to get away from all the societal noise and expectations and rules and just learn to Be. to be and feel and love and make your own choices. and for once in the damn movie canon of the world, the heroine gets to stay! she gets to stay. she doesn't leave her happiness behind and even gets to keep her father, who stays with her too!! 10/10, god fucking bless my soul

9.5) also shoutout to The Legend Of Tarzan which is much, much different but a solid 8/10 because all tarzans are good tarzans :')

10) Joy Ride: (Setting As Suffocation) the vast majority of this horror/thriller movie happens either 1) inside a car or 2) inside a single hotel room and that makes it so much more terrifying. it really does feel suffocating and like there's nowhere to hide and no way to escape this angry faceless man growling at you over the radio. guh, i'm shuddering just thinking about it. 8/10, when will boys stop being so stupid

the end <3

[theerurishipper]

Serious question, I hope this doesn come across as salty. But Marinette, when S5 started, kinda hard core rebounded on Chat Noir cause she was afraid of her feelings for Adrien. Now after how hard S4 hammered down on Chat's love for Ladybug being to blame for every issue LadyNoir ever had and her going so far as getting seriously physical because of it in Glaciator 2, her then rebounding on Chat like that in S5 and not even bringing anything of the past up was... iffy for me, so I personally was glad that Adrien moved on and turned her down.

But my question in this is: if Marinette's feelings of affection for Chat Noir were this much blown out of proportion because of her actual fear of being with Adrien and ALSO her fear of being unloved, then how... long would the LadyNoir relationship even have lasted if Chat Noir had reacted the way she wanted him to?

I'm not saying she didn't develop genuine feelings for him at all, but I wouldn't exactly say she was truly in LOVE with him either? Several anons have already brought it up, she has yet to really treat him as if he truly exists underneath his mask? I suppose the celebrity crush from Elation is then indeed spot on?

What do you think would have happened if Ladybug had "gotten her way" with Chat Noir and LadyNoir had happened? If I see it realistically, I would say they would have been very happy for like a week or two before Marinette would have noticed that her romantic energy isn't matching Chat Noir's anymore (he of course would have noticed too and gotten worried), and that she, well.. rebounded on the one person she shouldn't have rebounded on and now.. the situation is REALLY fucked and she eventually has to break his heart again by having to owe up to only really having had these intense feelings for him because the boy she is actually in love with (Adrien) returned her feelings and that scared her.

Cause I think (or rather I HOPE) she would have been honest enough to tell him, even if it would have broken his heart and messed him up, and not kept a one-sided relationship alive by forcing herself which he would of course notice since Marinette ain't subtle, until it blows up in their faces even worse at a later point.

Picturing her having to nervously break it to Chat Noir that she's taking back wanting to be in a relationship with him again after around 2 weeks, but trying to reassure him anyway that she does love him, just not.. like THAT, and that she's sorry. Gosh imagine how hard Adrien/ Chat Noir would just emotionally shut down after that or even right in front of her, starring at her heartbroken, not being able to do anything else?

That is genuinely fucking me up just imagining it. I'm just so glad Adrien as Chat Noir shut that down right immediately. That would have resulted in nothing else but ripping his heart out again after season 4.

No, you're right. I feel like that's exactly what would have happened. She was fixating on Chat Noir so much because she was trying to push away her feelings for Adrien (like, the episode basically beats it into our heads with the subtlety of a sledgehammer). So, what you've said would be exactly what would go down. She'd realize that she'd just been using him as a way to get over this other boy, and she'd have to break his heart. So for once, I'm glad they did what they did and didn't take the worst possible route.

Of course, I wish it hadn't happened because Adrien suddenly decided the friend he'd gone to the movies (Glaciator 2) with and had a supposedly romantic dinner with at her home (Weredad) and taken to his date meant for Ladybug (Glaciator) is suddenly "just a fan" and I don't like how the writers made him fall for Marinette in literal seconds, but it almost makes it all seem better knowing that they could have done worse, which I wouldn't put past them.

Thank you for your ask!

[stevie-petey]

hi i’m back!! first of all let me just say how mind blowing your writing is????? EVERYONE SAY THANK YOU M FOR THE AMAZING CHAPTER!!!

im so glad dear billy is ur fav ep from season four too because it’s mine too and oh my god. you did so well in making everything fit so perfectly together bc yk bug not being in st is still such a sad truth for me (and it’s shocking how you aren’t in the writers room for st s5 rn)

but anyways THERES ALOTTT TO UNPACK IN THIS CHAPTER !!

steve and bug first bc holy shiti swear i could feel my heart dropping multiple times while reading about them 

bug asking steve to choose max over her?? and steve pleading with her not to make him choose max over her and saying

“I’m choosing you, Y/N.” and adding 

“I’ll always choose you.” YK WHAT HERES THE FULL SCENE BC IT BROKE ME IN HALF.

[“I’m choosing you, Y/N.” Steve whispers, lips pressed softly against your hair. Your body stiffens, he feels it, but he holds you tighter instead. “I’ll always choose you.”

“Steve…” 

“Please don’t make me say no to you.” He pulls away, grabs your face and makes you look at him. You’re pale, tears wet your lovely face, and all Steve wants to do is fall asleep with you forever. He strokes the crest of your eyebrow, kisses your forehead. “Please don’t make me lose you.”]

PLEASE DONT MAKE ME LOSE YOU?????!?!?!?!?!!? just stab me with bugs pocketknife please.

and before that scene i remember the conversation between them about how steve recalled feeling gutted after seeing nancy and jonathan thinking his night couldn’t get any worse UNTIL HE SAW THE LOOK OF HEARTBREAK ON BUGS FACE and how it made him feel worse knowing he couldn’t have done anything to prevent her from feeling that hurt

[“But that night, it just-it really fucking hurt, you know? Thought I’d never feel anything shittier, that my night couldn’t get any worse. But then… I saw your face.”

“The heartbreak on your face, that fact that I couldn’t do anything to protect you from it. That’s what hurt me the most.”]

..AND THE MOST IMPORTANT LINE OF ALL (TO ME) [“And it’s why I won’t let anything else happen to you.”] and i know steve will try his best to protect her if it meant ensuring bugs safety in the end.

sooooooo who’s gonna tell them that they’ve been eachother’s protectors since day one without even knowing it!

these two are so special to me and it’s just so heartbreaking to see them this way, steve feeling so much fear, and anger :(

i understand his frustration with bug bc everyone can clearly see how she’s putting her own issues aside (despite her literally being cursed with the same thing as my baby max) just to save max and that’s not good bc it’s the BOTH of them that needs saving and bug being stubborn about it isn’t helping steve’s current state :( also i saw ur reply and YOU USING a beatles song is so evil and i love it so so much!!!!!

i’m not ready for bugs visions cause ik shes been carrying sm guilt…with the recent deaths of hopper and billy AND OMG THE NIGHTMARES???? dustin hearing her yell out billy’s name in the middle of the night ☹️ dustin’s being a champ rn LIKE i know he’s not showing it for the sake of his and bugs sanity but i know he’s going crazy in his head bc ITS HIS BIG SISTER?? AND HIS BEST FRIEND?? my poor baby is scared pf losing his bestest friend in the world :( i just need my Henderson siblings happy please </3

and lucas oh lucas!!!! my poor guy he’s literally never been so scared and worried in his entire life until now. THE POSSIBILITY OF LOSING BOTH THE LOVE OF HIS LIFE AND HIS BIG SISTER IS SO ☹️i need to hug him.

steve and nance r gonna be so best friends (alongside with the loml robin) and i love how they’re becoming more friendly with each other now like the playful banter im ready! (i know they were civil and were already somewhat friends but still) i didn’t particularly enjoy the love-triangle thing in s4 so i’m interested to see how you’ll be dealing with all of it 😭

btw i’m purposely ignoring jon rn. WE DONT SPEAK ABOUT HIM. (he’ll fall to his knees the minute he gets to hawkins and finds out about the curse that vecna gave bug)

ALSO SORRY THIS IS SO LONG BUT I KNOW YOU DONT LIKE TO CHANGE THE CANON TOO MUCH so idk what your plan is with max and bug…but oh my god the survivors guilt bug will carry…im not even ready. max and bug to me is like a literal reflection of each other and their relationship in this story is definitely my favorite thing ever. i don’t even wanna talk about that one scene where bug was yelling at vecna to take her instead. i don’t. i just mentioned it bc i feel so devastated and unready for what’s about to come.

i read smth about how u said there aren’t anymore disagreements between bug and steve!!! and how the rest will just be sad ones AND CUTE ONES (im holding u to that ml) 

does this mean they’ll talk 🤞🤞 i need them to have a proper conversation so i’m crossing my fingers and wishing that we’ll have that conversation alongside with the later conversation between steve and nance (and i believe that it was definitely done for good reasons!)

i listened to in my life while writing this btw and i feel so brave!! 

okay i’m done !! i’m sorry this was long but i appreciate your works and i’m in awe of you !! pls never stop being great!! i hope you’re doing well <333 sending u sm love today lovely <3 e

-🌟🍓

dear billy supremacy !!!

and the entire steve and bug i choose you scene ,,, oh boy theres so many layers to that one specific conversation that i simply cannot wait to dive into later. for now, the entire notion of their relationship is that they chose to love one another !!! bug chose to wait, steve chose to trust her, and they chose to fall in love <333 i firmly believe that true love is choosing to love your partner, not just the chemical reaction in our brains, but the act of staying and trusting to be loved in return - THATS true love.

and steve revealing hes always wanted to help/protect bug <333 i love the porch scene. i love tying things together and also just seeing their growth throughout the seasons. in season 1 the porch scene was heavy with insecurity. bug was weak, back then. she didnt want steve to see how hurt she was (but failed). now we fast forward years later for season 4 and shes actively leaning on steve !!! seeking his comfort !! yet shes also standing her ground, doing what she believes is right (even if shes wrong). and STEVE !! he failed her in season 1, he refuses to fail her again in 4 :((

now bugs whole "hey gang lets focus on max not me haha" will cause a few rifts within the group - everyone knows its unneeded, they all hate shes doing this, but they also know that they cant change bugs mind. its very bittersweet and :///

max and bug ,,, u Get It. they ARE reflections of one another. max is fifteen, same age bug was in season 1. its very very very reminiscent of how bug was back then, stubborn and slightly cold but still so full of love and concern for her friends. max is where bug was, confused and scared and unused to asking (or accepting) help. bug sees this and she also is struggling with this. theyve always had a close relationship, but billys death changed everything and brought them closer together. bug feels a kinship to max, she feels responsible for her, and max knows this and almost resents her for it. its messy and very sad and hard and me not changing canon too much will make things even MORE heartbreaking and sad :(

but on a happier note: YES STEVE AND BUG DO ACTUALLY TALK !!! they have a whole lovely conversation later (in the very last ep lmao) that resolves a Lot i promise guys theyre end game i just like drama and growth.

in my life <333

[purrincess-chat]

I think this fandom just really hates Adrienette, but I can't figure out the reason (but your theory of the fandom not taking them seriously because they're kids may be true). They write post-s5 break-up "fix it" fics, they say Adrienette should break up to restore the balance (not sure what balance they're talking about). Jeez, Adrienette is literally the cutest cartoon couple I've ever seen, and I've been rooting for them since day one. How can someone want them to break up? Why can't the fandom just be happy for them?

It's literally so baffling to me, nonny. There have been people who have been rooting against them since before they were even official in s5. And for why? For me, them getting together made sense after s4 bc, to me, s4 demonstrated why it couldn't have been LadyNoir. (Actually even as far back as s3 when we had Chat Blanc) And that's why I don't think it will be LadyNoir in the future either even if they did break up. The show has put too much emphasis on how everything goes wrong when the heroes pair up. They both get distracted and tragedy strikes. I don't forsee it being MC or Ladrien either bc MC literally agreed they can't be together, and I think that would go for Ladrien as well. And Marinette already gets enough shit from people for being a "stalker" to Adrien, and it would only get worse if they broke up, and she turned around and dated him again as Ladybug when he doesnt know it's her. I can already see the salt posts about how she's so obsessive and won't move on and how she's taking advantage of him and tricking him.

Adrinette is the side that worked, that's why they went that route. It allows the heroes to be heroes and the kids to be kids. We can still get meaningful interactions with the other sides while they are dating as civilians. I'm actually looking forward to seeing how the dynamics evolve in future seasons. I wanna see MC and Ladrien half-requited with the heroes privately swooning over their bf/gf personally. We got a little bit of it in s5 with Chat swooning over Marinette when she was being a boss bitch. I want that in Ladrien, please.

I don't know why people hate Adrinette being together so much. I don't know where people get the idea that it's boring or problematic or detrimental to their characters or whatever fucking complaint they have against it. The Adrinette we got in s5 was great and so meaningful, and I'm happy that they did what they did. They could have just stuck them together in s5 and been like okay all of their problems are solved, and they're totally perfect and in love, but that's not what happened. They weren't perfect. They had to work together to make it work. They both recognized their traumas and respected each other's boundaries until they found something that worked for both of them. They really fought so damn hard to be together last season, but people just don't fucking care. My heart broke for them when they finally shared their first kiss, and it wasn't the perfect romantic moment they imagined. It was desperate, longing, afraid. All they wanted all season was just to be together, and now they finally have that. And we got that in a kids cartoon! So often love is treated as a fantasy where everything is perfect, and the couple gets together in the end and rides off into the sunset and lives happily ever after. But that wasn't their story, and I applaud them for that. I love that this show depicted the messier but crucially important sides of love about setting boundaries, addressing trauma so you don't hurt the other person, being patient and understanding while the other person is working through something because those things are hard in a relationship. A lot of those things are make or break in relationships, but the ones that want to be together will put in the work, and I think it's so important to show that in an age appropriate way to kids.

So, yeah, fuck anyone rooting for their downfall. Fuck anyone who thinks that the 4 sides are competing with each other and that Adrinette being together is an affront to their favorite side. Fuck anyone who thinks Adrinette being together is bad. It's not, and anyone who thinks it is can feel free to block me.

Maybe instead of rooting for Adrinette to break up, people should be rooting for a reveal. That's how we get the other sides, babes. That's how we should want to get the other sides. But this fandom isn't ready for a reveal tbh. They'd just bitch about how the sides are all the same now, and it's so boring. Can't win for fucking losing in this show.

[lycanlovingvampyre]

S5 Act III Finale Trailer Relisten

So basically, act I and II ended with Jon and Martin finding a survivor of the Archives crew - I don't count Daisy cause she was already lost :(  Act I ended with them finding Basira. Act II ended with them finding Georgie and Melanie. (So, just in general before I get into the trailer.)

ARUN: "You know the path that they walk. No harm can come to them." God, this Arun character drives me up the walls! I do feel Martin so much when they clash... Or Jon, though Arun seems to be more intimidated by him.

CELIA: "I keep hearing things. Something’s going on up there. And I don’t like it." UNNAMED: "I’ve heard it too. The city’s excited about something." I've wondered about Georgie and Melanie knowing about Jon being in town in my post for MAG 189. So at least there seems to be an audible “uproar”.  More chattering? More movement perhaps? Faster movement?

LAVERNE: "Not just up there…" ARUN: "Laverne?" And with this one we have heard the names of each character (who got one)! When Arun is done with the poem, Laverne says "Thank you, Arun. That was lovely." And when Celia only hums about that statement, Arun asks "E-Everything alright, Celia?"

ARUN: "Have faith! The prophets shall protect us." Oh fuck off... Have I mentioned that I hate cult fanatics who blabber delusional nonsense...?

LAVERNE: "Look at it this way. The world’s already ended… how much worse can it be?" Well, for starters all of you could go back to your hellscapes? Also nooo, this is never a good sign in fiction!

Also generally, more of vague horror in this one! The magazine? We don’t know what it was, but everyone reacted poorly to it being brought up again. Or apparently there being creatures they just call “watchers”, guarding a set of stairs. And there are more of them coming. 4 were there for sure, one more perhaps? Laverne didn’t see everything, so there might be even more! Also the stairs, where will they lead to?! OOooooOOooo!

@a-mag-a-day

[reikunrei]

really intrigued by this new stage play delving more into Henry's past and how it will inform/add to what we've already gotten of him in s4, and what we may potentially get in s5, so i kinda just want to ramble lol.

the way i see it, and how we as an audience and how some or all of the characters are meant to view him, is not necessarily that he's the stereotypical "big bad" villain. sure, he's villainous and the overall antagonist, and while he displays extremely monstrous behavior, he's not the "monster" that Eleven envisions.

she has a very black and white view of good vs bad. she's been fighting with this for a while, especially internally and how she views herself. from season 1, she thinks she's "the monster." she opened the initial gate, which made Will go missing, killed countless others, and got all of her new friends in trouble.

in season 2, we kind of started to touch on the idea of what kind of behavior is "good or bad" when she meets Kali. they share an unfathomable bond and love each other dearly through their shared experiences in Hawkins Lab. Kali teaches her how to be stronger, that she shouldn't hide from her powers, she should use them to help herself. and El leans into it, allows herself to be fueled by her rage and sadness. but she hesitates. she wants to strengthen this bond with Kali, her sister, but it feels wrong.

she's killed people, yes, but it's different when it's in self defense in the heat of the moment vs ambushing someone who, while he did hurt them, is currently unawares. plus, there's other innocent children involved. he may have hurt her, but El knows the pain of losing a parent. that's what brought her there in the first place. she can't do that to someone else. her grief hurts, but any relief will be fleeting under the further pain she now causes. she doesn't want to be the monster.

in season 3, this topic is mostly only broached with Billy. Billy is not a good dude. in fact, he sucks major chode and has approximately zero redeeming qualities, and the only reason Max is so torn up about his death is because of survivor's guilt.

but still, in order to beat the Mind Flayer, El has to break through to him, so she finds those happy memories of him with his mom on the beach, and makes him remember that, makes him fight for his mom, rather than the hell he's been through for the last X number of years. he might be a fucking shitty asshole, but he can pull off one valiant deed to save those around him, because he doesn't want to entirely give in to his misery. he wants to remember those happy moments, and wants his mother to be happy, wherever she may be, and that means making sure this monster (the Mind Flayer) is dead.

(plus i guess it's also like a stand-in for his dad. Billy's been abused his whole life, and has become the abuser, and he's sick of all of it. so now, he finally fights back and stands up for his mom like he's always wanted to.)

season 4 is a fucking smorgasbord. they went so heavy-handed with the "good vs evil" "monster vs superhero" shit that it would be hilarious if it weren't totally understandable bc all of these characters are 14 years old and don't have a full grasp on the nuances of the world just yet. again, we get El worrying that she could be the monster, that she'll make everything worse, that she's the one to blame for everything. Mike, Dr. Owens, Will, Brenner, none of them can convince her that, no matter what she did or does, she is their "hero." Owens gets pretty close, he at least gets a few smiles out of her, but she's still uncertain.

she thinks she can no longer be the hero because she lost her powers, that now she's useless, and even if now she's like a "normal kid," she knows she'll never really fit in. but then, when she starts at Nina, she fears that her powers will make her the monster all over again. that she's already done something so monstrous that she won't ever be able to forgive herself.

enter, Henry and the truth. that he killed all of those children. that he was the one behind everything to do with the Upside Down. that he was the reason that Brenner started all of these experiments and built his little "family" in their prison.

so she says Henry's the monster. or rather, Brenner was the monster, and he built Henry into the formidable monster that he then became when he fledged into Vecna. she's now dead-set on blaming it all on those two men, and it all started with Brenner, her Papa. even so, when she's saying goodbye to him, she's receptive to his touch. she leans into his hand, she accepts his affection.

she is so close to getting it. no, Brenner is not a good man, but she did love him at one point, and she still does to some degree. she might say he's the monster, but i think she doesn't really believe that. she just wants to convince herself that it's true so she can find someone to blame, to make it easy, to make it black and white.

and then Henry pushes her closer to the truth! he says that, no, Brenner was not a monster. he was just a man. a mediocre man, who sought power in others. Brenner was just a person.

again, he may have done monstrous things in that lab, but he was not the monster that El wants him to be.

and that leads us to how she views Henry.

where we left off leaves it a bit gray for me. obviously she tries talking him out of all of it, to stop his plan, to leave her friend alone, etc. "you are not the monster, Henry." but he doesn't listen. he likes being the monster. he's good at being the monster. he feels entirely justified in his actions and believes he's helping. and he's so entrenched in his own pain that he doesn't see any need to stop now while he's so close to his goal. Henry even turns it back on El, saying that she was the reason Henry even became Vecna in the first place. so, again, she could be called the "true monster" here for being the major catalyst of it all.

i think if El had the chance in that moment, she would have killed Henry. she was terrified watching him kill one of her best friends, one of her only friends in the whole world. she's killed people to protect her friends before, she isn't going to stop now.

but she couldn't. she had to rely on the teens in the Upside Down to take out his body. and, obviously, that didn't work in the end.

we don't see El talk about it any further, but with all of these prior conversations and experiences, once she's out of the heat of the moment, i think she would not want to kill Henry. just like Kali, the two of them have a bond and their shared experience under Brenner. she sees Henry as a sort of role model, a guardian, an older brother. at least, she did when she became so devoted to helping him, but just like with Brenner, i don't think that's entirely gone away.

she's terrified of him, disgusted by him, horrified at his behavior, but she simply can't see him as the pure "monster" that she wants him to be. she has to start to realize that it will never be possible to group either of them into one category. and she has to learn that that includes herself.

Eleven very easily could have become "Vecna," so to speak. she was just lucky enough to have a support system when she escaped the lab. she found the right kids who would love and support her through it all, the good and the bad, so that even if she does monstrous things, they'll be there for her to help her pick up the pieces and fix it together.

Henry didn't have that. he hid himself away, didn't admit to his family when things were bothering him (or, if he did, they didn't give him the support he needed), and allowed himself to become jaded with anything and everything that inconvenienced him. after all, nobody was helping him fix it, so he has to do it all himself.

he was trapped. just a little kid stuck in an unsavory situation, perhaps aggravated by whatever "shadow" it was that was living in the Creel House and stoking this burning ember inside of him. he was upset, hurt, felt abandoned and lost, and lashed out. it's no different to the times that El killed people in self defense, though perhaps Henry had a smidge more premeditation.

regardless, the core of both of their behaviors is the same: wanting to get out of their cage.

El was just lucky enough to have friends, and Henry was unfortunate to not have any strong, loving bonds like he so craved and needed.

Kali is sort of a middle ground for me at the moment. she is somewhere between El and Henry. she's using her hurt and anger and sadness as fuel, like Henry, but she still finds light and love in the world with her friends and family, like El. she wants to hurt people, like Henry, but she understands that there's only specific people who deserve that hurt, like El.

Henry just wants to throw out the whole baby with the bath. sure, there's specific people he's upset with, but it was the whole world that was set up to make his life harder. he wants to take out everyone because he believes the flaw runs all the way to the roots.

Eleven and Henry are on opposite ends of the spectrum. Henry wants to only see the bad, and El only wants to see the good.

Henry was hurt and then left to wallow in it for his entire life with no one offering out their hand to him. so, if everyone else is going to be "evil," why shouldn't he? he finds power that way, makes himself stronger, so he relies on it to build himself up, to the point that he actively avoids the happy memories of his victims. he can't admit that there might be good in the world, because that would strip him of all of his power. his stance would suddenly have no foundation if he were to acknowledge that there is good and love and light mixed in with all of his grief.

with this play, we'll get a glimpse at the possible happy memories that Henry has. we'll find ammunition for El to use against him, to point at and go "see! you were happy! you can still be happy! you don't have to be the monster! you can choose to get better!" that he has other qualities he can nurture other than his hatred. like Billy, he can find the good in an otherwise shitty situation and hang onto it like a life raft.

i'm not entirely sure what to expect from, nor do i know what i really want out of, the ending of season 5. will they kill Henry? will they reform him? will Henry kill himself? will Henry sacrifice himself? there's many options, and i could have a field day going through the possibilities of all of them.

at the very least, i'm almost entirely convinced that El will not want to kill him. especially with a potential time skip leaving her lots of room off-screen to mull it all over. i think she will be determined to talk him out of it. i even get a kick out of the idea of Max being trapped in his head and rooting around in his memories, playing the Ghost of Christmas Past to dredge up his younger years and go "remember this? you were happy! it's not all bad all the time, here's the evidence!"

when it comes to the other characters, i think a lot of them will still want to kill Henry. he caused all of this, after all. he's actively trying to kill them, destroy Hawkins, and potentially drag the whole world into darkness. they have to kill him, right!?

i do believe that El could potentially convince some of them to not try to kill him. especially Will, but i need to stop myself from going on that tangent or this will turn into a 20 page essay lol.

but even if they do reform him, i don't know if i want an actual "redemption" for him. like, that's not really the right word, i don't think, but i am also stupid, so.

like, i think there's lots of room for El to admit that she has done monstrous things, but her friends still stand by her and work with her to fix anything and everything that she may have caused, deliberately or not, because they love her. and she wants Henry to understand that he is just the same as her, and he is also deserving of understanding and help in fixing anything wrong he may have done, whether deliberately or because he was pushed into it.

but i haven't quite worked out where he would stand if they kept him alive. like, i can imagine two paths for him right now off the top of my head:

they fight and Henry is gravely injured. El tries to convince him and it doesn't work. Henry is petulant and stubborn and stuck in his anger and pain, and he doesn't want to listen to this child, his protégé, talk down to him and try to boss him around. so, he kills himself because, if his plan is going to fail, he'd rather be dead.

El tries to convince him and it does work, but he's in too deep now. the plan is in motion, and the only way to stop it completely is his death. so, he sacrifices himself to close the gates and keep their worlds forever separated, saving the Right Side Up from its horrible fate, but losing his own life in the process.

i hadn't thought of the 2nd option until today, and i'm actually quite fond of it. could you imagine our big villain, the one behind all of the characters' misery and pain and death, actually working on their side to fix the mess he's made?

i can totally see Henry's death being framed as a big tragedy, like Barb or Bob or Eddie, rather than the triumphant "win" it otherwise could have been. their antagonist dies, and it's sad.

and even if it was something like Will landing the final blow and killing Henry, or him killing himself, or even El taking his life, it will all be sad, because El will have learned that Henry was not purely the monster of Vecna that they'd been envisioning. he was an ordinary boy, trying to live an ordinary life, and that was ripped away from him (again, like Will, but again, i have to control myself!!!).

i so badly want El to acknowledge that she could have become our story's "Vecna," and Henry always had the capacity to become like Eleven.

in this story, there is no "monster" and no "superhero." every single person is capable of great good and great evil at the same time, and El and Henry need to meet in the middle on that spectrum. if you aren't already, i think that by the end of season 5, every member of the audience will be sympathetic toward Henry Creel, because everyone will understand that we are all capable of becoming as "bad" as him, and even he is capable of becoming "good."

should Henry be forgiven? probably not. nobody owes him forgiveness. nobody should go "aww he saved the day in the end, he was good all along!" that's not the point. the point is that despite doing bad things, all of these characters are deserving of understanding. you don't have to forgive to understand.

i really am just so interested to see more of Henry's past in an objective manner, rather than through Victor's or Henry's memory. we'll get some real meat to chew on and humanize this man that has been unfairly placed into the cookie-cutter mold of "monster."

[carmenilla]

Hopper probably knows El isn’t "dead-dead"? And they’re sad bc they can’t see her again, or at least not before many years, but it’s worst for Mike bc he thought he’d spend the rest of his life with her?

even though mike and el have technically known each other for longer, hopper and el have spent way more time together, know each other way better (since they’ve spent nearly double the amount of time together, meanwhile mike and el as of s4 have not even spent a year being physically there with each other and more than half the time that they have been there with each other, they were just making out instead of like actually getting to know each other) and hopper and el are literally father and daughter. you could maybe argue that they would be equally as upset - i wouldn’t agree with you, but i could maybe understand. but it would not be worse for mike. that is hopper’s daughter. even if el isn’t dead dead and hopper knows it, it would hit him very very hard. he’s already lost a daughter once. losing one again won’t be any easier

even if hopper did pull his life together, very unlike the last time his daughter was taken from him, a scene with him and mike about el being forever or for a long long time would not be centered around mike. it would not be hopper comforting mike. as i said before, if the scene really was about el being gone, they would both sit there in that bench and both be crying, heads hung, sitting in their grief and talking very little, if at all. it would convey their quiet understanding of each other, and how hard it is hitting both of them.

but nope! hopper is calmly talking to mike. yeah, this is not about el

el’s death/disappearance would not be worse for mike than it would be for hopper, and i would die on that hill but when s5 comes out we are going to see that the hopper and mike scene is not about el dying or being gone so i won’t have to die on that hill

also el dying/disappearing would be be very very bad writing for el’s character and hopper’s character and in general. it’s repetitive and also sends a TERRIBLE message. i have faith in the duffers to not fuck up that badly - they do make poor choices sometimes, but i think that’s a line they wouldn’t cross

[growling]

Okay

Bungou Stray Dogs. My beloved, my beloathed and my ex who keeps walking back into my life for a makeout session after I swore I was done with it for the 11th time.

It is- not a good story, structure wise at least. I get raising stakes but also we started s1 with "we're frenemies with our local gang and we occasionally homoeroticly fight eachother" to *gestures vaguely at s5*

And that doesn't bother me too much tbh because I love media that cares about its audience and keeping things silly but also *ducks nuke*

The mangaka keeps having to write reasons for Chuuya to not show up and murder everypony, that's silly

Fyodor has a funny accent and a silly goofy hat and a greasy hairstyle and I guess he sometimes is smart. I guess.

Justice for my boy Karma who showed up in one episode and then Fyodor killed him for some reason, RIP my boy

Idk man I have lots of thoughts

the stakes one is so real because like. they did get higher after season 1 with the whole moby dick crashing event, but like it made sense it was fine also i liked that season. and then we got introduced to demon fyodor who apparently was even worse both described at the s2 finale and in the dead apple movie, so like, dude got hyped up massively. and then he got s3 to himself but actually its not over yet, it was actually a setup for s4-s5 and. I am asking. since fukuchi is over. and they seem to be making fyodor out to be even more threatening (every single villain is more threatening than the last. you know.) than fukuchi, the goddamn man with time travel sword, reality-altering page, vampire goons, trying to (virtually. his motives as well as execution of them are.... Peculiar to me) achieve mind control world domination....... like how do they plan to go worse than that. the problem with trying to have every single villain be more powerful than the last is that one day you just gonna run out of ideas and just write a literal undefeatable god. which is fukuchi and also fyodor but i am legitimately terrified of what they're gonna do with him in the later chapters. i am all caught up and....... its looking very exhausting already

as well as how like, in the earlier seasons we got these episodes that are just purely character driven with way lower stakes that just exist there to establish the cast, and they just. slowly stopped doing that. right now, from like season 4 up to where we are currently there has been literally ZERO breathing room for the plot, every single scene is just stressful high tension main plot main plot main plot fighting the HD/DOA and it actually made me too tense as i was watching like jesus fuck slow down. which is why i cheer and clap so much whenever i see poe also being there sometimes. thank you for your service king. as well as all the other more minor characters that appeared and nikolai getting to jest with people, as well as the Bram & Aya Adventures, regardless on whether it is "important" to the plot . and also sigma's whole introduction in the manga that just established him as an actually really nice guy that the anime just cut out to make room For The Current Main Plot auurrrrhghgh. shut up about fukuchi show me kyouka. hey where the fuck was kyouka for most of this even

like. if they just released chuuya upon all their enemies it would be over. isnt he like, the actual incarnation of arahabaki you know the. literal god. just make them use corruption after you make sure dazai can stop them from eating shit and fucking dying, deploy her at the entire hunting dogs squad and its all over. like..... chuuya could just fix everything that is going on and the writers know it so they keep making up reasons (and sometimes they don't even do that, and just ignore it) as to why actually she's not available currently. you wrote this guy to be the single most powerful genderfuck in the universe please use him . chuuya i am so fucking sorry i could treat you so much better babygirl

fyodor sure is. A Character. that exists. and like, i like him, but also... i realized i'm only ever entertained by him whenever he's being silly, like with the whole mersault ball fyozai two man comedy show, or with his interactions with nikolai (who is one of the lights in the darkness of the current arc.... please keep being entertaining king). but like, i feel like the writer(s) drove themselves into a corner by making him so inhumanly intelligent, same with dazai. like. each of the serious interactions between him and dazai (the only nda member he's allowed to talk with apparently) just feel like two kids roleplaying "i slash u in the chest with my flaming sword and u are die!!!" "but before that I DODGED and hit u with my laser beam!!" "no but I moved out the way at last second and bring out the BOMBS and then i throw them at u and u explode and are dead for real!!!!" "no but then i miraculously survive steal ur flaming sword and set u on fire and u burn and die!!!" "but before i could die i put out the fire with my water bucket and then shoot u 100000 times and-" like. it was funny the first few times it happened but.... I get it. you have high IQ. I don't like this party I wanna leave chuuya can you please pick me up

karma got fucking massacred and for what. society if fyodor instead recruited him into the DOA and sigma got to have a single normal friend and they bonded over their mutual perpetual anguish. they really just introduced a really interesting guy just to kill him off in the same episode. but they. kept fukuchi i guess

[freefallthoughtless]

12 days ago, I overdosed massively. On my prescription medication. I have zero memory of it. I was high on sleeping meds. The last thing I remember is sitting in my bed watching a movie and taking that sleeping pill. The next thing I remember is waking up in the hospital at 4am, 2 days later, in absolute panic because I could feel my body was fucked. And I had no memory of why I was in hospital, why I felt so awful. A nurse held my hand through a panic attack, but didn’t explain anything. I fought with panic for hours before I passed out again. I woke up around noon. I couldn’t walk or sit up without fainting. A doctor came in and told me they had a room ready for me at the psych ward. And I asked him “am I not already at S5?”. I thought I was, but I also knew I wasn’t, cause the room I was in didn’t look like the psych ward rooms. I asked him why they had painted the doors black and why the bathroom tiles were different than usually.

I asked him why I felt so bad, and he said it was because of the OD. I said “I haven’t od’ed”

But I had. He said it was clearly a suicide attempt but I couldn’t make that make sense, cause I had no memory of feeling suicidal.

He left and I asked a nurse for a charger because my phone battery was dead. And then I passed out again.

When I woke up and checked my phone, I had several messages from my friend Laura, asking me if I was okay. She was the one who had caught on to me not being okay, and she had contacted my support time, and they rang for an ambulance.

I replied saying I was okay. To ease her anxiety. I didn’t feel even close to fine. I was confused, scared and in physical distress still.

Different doctors and nurses came and went, I had trouble talking and thinking, which made communication with them difficult. I was so out of it. I couldn’t pee which they were very concerned about, they thought my kidneys were damaged.

Yet despite me not being able to even sit up, despite me not being able to talk properly, despite me being emotionally fucked as well, they allowed me to discharge myself. I knew I wasn’t ready, but I couldn’t stop worrying because my cat had been alone at home for two days.

My support team came and picked me up, I was in a wheelchair and even then I felt incredibly faint.

I came home. Charlie was perfectly fine. So I went straight to bed and slept for 14 hours. I was still unable to stand for long or walk more than a couple of steps without getting faint the next day. And my pee was dark brown even though I had hydrated myself plenty in hospital.

The daylight hours were okay at home and I spent they day piecing together what had happened. I found the packages from the medication I had od’ed on. I had taken 200mg’s of zolpedim (max dosage a day is 10mg) and 8000mgs of Seroquel (max dosage a day is 1200mg). It’s not the biggest OD I’ve taken, but I’ve never felt worse physically.

In the evening I began feeling suicidal and I got scared.

I ended up getting a doctor out to my apartment to assess me for being admitted to psych. But he said they didn’t have room so I should just take som PRN and relax.

I texted a friend saying I didn’t know what to do about it. She said her and her mom could come pick me up and I could stay with them.

So they did. I felt awful but I finally got some food, the first thing I had eaten in almost 4 days. And then we went to bed. I didn’t sleep a single second, but my friend was next to me, and a dog she was dog-sitting in the bed as well. And I felt okay.

She woke up at 8am the next day and we talked for a few hours, got breakfast and then we decided to nap for a bit and I finally got 4 hours of sleep.

At 3pm I went home. The walk to the bus stop was difficult and I felt so bad physically.

I was stilling peeing dark brown and decided with my support team to go see my doctor the next day to get my kidney function checked. But that evening my pee began getting clearer so I decided not to the next morning.

The next many days I was only in my bed. I slept or daydreamed for a whole week before I got a bit of energy back. I thought I’d never feel energy again.

My cat Charlie was so patient with me. She’s normally very active and vocal, but she just relaxed with me, cuddled with me and slept when I did. And she was so much more affectionate. I’ve never believed cats where that emotionally intuitive, but for that whole week she really was.

The past 3 days I’ve gotten more and more energy by the day, and I feel a lot better, physically and emotionally. It’s a big relief.

I’ve thought a lot about what would’ve happened if Laura hadn’t picked up on me being off when we texted that night.

When I was at my friends house we woke up to the winters first snow. And I thought “I’m lucky I’m around to see this snow”

When Charlie cuddled close to me and let me tuck my arm around her for the first time ever, and I had my head buried in her fur I thought “what would’ve happened to my little cat if I had died at home and she was alone like that”

When I told my closest friend group what had happened I remembered that they once had a talk about me, a few years ago, where they were mentally preparing themselves for losing me and I thought “I’m letting them down and making them feel like that again” and I didn’t bother telling them not to worry about me because how could they not?

When my little brother called and asked why I hadn’t responded for days I lied and said I had just needed good rest. And I remembered how he got PTSD and severe substance abuse issues when our foster mom committed suicide in 2012. And how he would be so alone if I wasn’t around, how I would’ve abandoned him too and I’d never know if he was okay or not.

I remembered I would’ve missed out on Christmas Eve, and how the day after Christmas eve last year was the best day I had had I so long, just laying on mattresses on the floor with my nieces watching tv, our limbs entangled, our fingers in each others hair and sleeping on and off together with Disney movies playing in the background.

I thought of my family and friends at my funeral and I had to stop thinking.

And then I felt so much grief. Because no matter how much I love my life, I still feel like I wasn’t ever meant for being alive. No matter how much I fight, no matter how many good times I have, I’ll always be mentally ill. I’ll always have so much trauma weighing me down. I can’t promise this will never happen again. I’ll always have to toe the line between keeping myself in check and being undeniably sick.

I get better. And then I get worse. Then I fight my way back and feel better. And then I get bad again. And it’s been like that for 15 years.

“I’m getting tired even for a phoenix; always rising from the ashes, mending all her gashes, you might just have dealt the final blow”

It’s strange and incredibly heartbreaking to be so in love with my life, but not thinking I should actually be alive.

I’m not actively suicidal. But I’m also feeling like that’s how I’ll die, tomorrow or in 20 years.

Charlie has come up to me for kisses right now. She’s too intelligent for an orange cat. I love her dearly.

I’ve been trying to process all of this. It’s scary. It hurts. It’s confusing. It makes me want my mom but I don’t have a mom. I’ve never had a real mom. Just pain from the people who had that real role.

That’s a pain like nothing I can explain. Feeling like a little kid, missing something so intensely, but not knowing why cause I’ve never felt like I had that, I can’t put a face to it, a scent to it, a memory to it, a real feeling to it. But it doesn’t stop the longing from saturating me.

I have so many incredible, loving and supportive people in my life. I’m rich on people. But the real deep feelings I always take care of myself. I’m best at taking in love when I’m okay. The bad stuff can only go away when I tough it out or daydream of being loved.

And why daydream of being loved to pieces like I’m not? Because I am. I can think of maybe 40 or 50 people who would be heartbroken that I’m gone. There’s so so many people in this world who can’t even think of 1. I’m devastatingly lucky in that sense, like I can’t even believe. I don’t feel lonely. I’m never more than a text or a phone call from so many people who would drop everything to help. But I rarely ask for help with anything emotional unless I’m piss drunk. Call it foster kid damage. But that’s an entirely different subject.

So. Truth is I could’ve very well died. And I can’t even remember why.

It’s almost Christmas, almost new years. And I feel horrible and relived at the same time. And doomed. More than anything, I feel doomed.

What happens now? Who am I now? Why does it feel like something important has shifted that I can’t define?

I want to live. But something in me has already given up.