#she could be based in worse part of me to show and how toxic someone can be with their friends

[biddy-biddy-biddy]

maybe i should talk/show more about my oc now that i’m thinking… idk! everyone is doing something for their ocs/self inserts idfkkkk…

like i just made her for funsies like haha what if i’m eltingville also everyone is eltingville/northwest why not do it…

[cyborgpuppyofficial]

Was it just me, or did this video kinda suck? (Yap post)

Heya everyone! So I've been watching a lot of Sonic analysis videos recently, and this one just won't leave my head. I left my own thoughts extensively on the video itself, but I wanted to talk about it here too. Just a heads up, DON'T ATTACK THIS PERSON. They have an opinion, and I agree with a lot of their points at the beginning of the video! But I just think some parts of this video came off as distasteful, and a little gross. I'm going to quote parts of the video, and stuff I said in the comments of the video. So keep that in mind, and let's begin this big ol' thread.

Chapter 1: Amy's Character

So like I mentioned above, I agreed with a lot of his Amy takes. Saying he prefers Amy in Adventure is a normal thought. In fact I do, and when I write Amy, I base her heavily off of her Adventure and Adventure 2 self. I'm going to pull directly from my comment I left on my video for this section.

"I agreed with a lot of it, and I loved how you understood Amy's character on a deeper level. And I liked how you didn't hold back on the writers, like some people have been doing on many different places. As someone who's been into Sonic ever since I was little, and into the fandom for 10+ years. Then I agree that lots of Ian's versions of the characters, aren't perfect, and I'd love to see them be improved in the future. Mostly, I'd love to see Amy and Silver portrayed differently in the future. I wish Amy could have some of her femininity back, but I don't think her new version is the worst thing on the planet either. She could've been a LOT worse. I saw an older fan, say they didn't like the way Amy was back in the day. Saying they found her dynamic with Sonic to be a bit annoying, and that's okay! It took me a long time, as a female fan, to understand Amy. Because growing up as a girl, I was always told that Girly = Annoying or undesirable.

This was pushed heavily THE MOST in the Sonic Fandom. When Amy would act like... well AMY back in the day, MALE fans would hate on her. They never understood her, and would try to "fix" her via fanfictions (or just straight up killing her in edgy fanart). Or, they would say that Boom Amy is the "Better Amy", and she's the "Only good thing about Sonic Boom". I vividly remember grown men hating on Amy, who was characterized as a TWELVE YEAR OLD GIRL back in the day. It's just weird. And I feel like Ian, even if he doesn't realize it, was influenced like men like them. Which funnily enough, were mostly Archie fans in the 2000's and 2010's! The same place Ian became a fan from! I'm OF COURSE not saying Archie Sonic fans are horrible people at heart (I actually AM a big Archie fan), or that men are terrible people. That would be a stupid way to twist my words."

Basically, I have my own thoughts about Amy, and I agree she should be a little bit different. But I do think Ian, and Sega themselves for the Western Market, have probably been swayed by fans back in the day. Fans who never liked Amy, and would call her Toxic, Annoying, Clingly, Crazy, and so on. Back in the day, Sally Acorn fans and Archie fans would bully and pick on Amy for the sake of their ship. And guess what? These people were a majority of MEN, not boys, GROWN MEN. Amy was never made for them in the first place! So trying to change her to appeal to those grown men, is what I think changed her character deeply.

"I've learnt growing up as a woman, people are going to hate me no matter what I do. No matter how Feminine or how Tomboy I am. Me and many other girls, have had phases of hating pink, and all that is feminine. But that's because of the way the media showed it. When I grew up, Amy would show me, that Girlhood is okay! Liking dresses, pink, shopping, going on girls trips, having sleepovers, wearing makeup, and so on! That stuff is okay! Like you pointed out in the video, Sonic is allowed to be all the cool boy things. So why can't Amy be all the cool girl things? I know, Amy doesn't appeal to male fans. But when was Sonic ever about appealing to one gender? I feel like Sonic bypasses gender, age, or anything else! Video games in general bypass things like that in general. So, for Sonic, why can't girly girls be a thing? I didn't need to BE Sonic to understand him. Same with some of my other favorite characters like Shadow. He's like the total opposite of me, but I still loved him due to his writing and design. So why do girls have to be one certain personality, for Flynn to care about them. But the male characters are fine to be literally whatever they want? Amy's message taught me to love myself, EVERY part of myself. Even my femininity I hid, even the part of me that still loved pink and pop music. And how is that wrong for a girl my age to enjoy? I think it's a side effect of the real world.

No matter what it is, if women are into something, it's not seen as real. Into boy bands? Well you're cheesy and cringy! But guys can drool over their female idols as much as they want, it's just natural for them! Do you like this "boy" hobby? Well you aren't a real fan, and you got into it because of a man probably. I've been told these things growing up, especially when I would play games as a girl. Amy's old personality, taught me to express my passion! No matter what other people think of me, it's better to be me, and be happy. A character doesn't have to be like you, for you to like them. But for me, Amy was just like me! And sometimes for young girls, they need a good role model. And I'm not saying little girls nowadays can't like Amy, that would be stupid. But sometimes people will prefer their version of Amy that they grew up with, and that's not an issue. And I'm tired of people thinking it is a problem for people to have preferences. Speaking of that, I have a lot to say about your portion on the fandom too. I don't want to be rude in that section, so please don't take it as a personal insult. I have nothing against you, and this is just my thoughts on what you said."

So it makes sense that Amy's change is so different to fit Flynn's preferences. Flynn IS a man, and probably can't relate to this struggle. Am I saying men can't write women characters? No not at all! But I'm saying, Flynn's Amy is different from the one I grew up with. I learnt a certain lesson from her character, and other kids my age probably did too! But the new Amy can teach new lessons to children as well! For example, Zodiac and Tarot card girls are still hated by men to this day. Ian Flynn could've made Amy completely drop all of her girl hobbies, but he hasn't done that yet. He in fact, gave her a hobby that ties back to her roots, and expanded on it. I think Amy can still be capable and talented, even WITH magical abilities. It probably took her a long time to learn her cards and magic. I wish we could've SEEN her learning this stuff, but that's not my point. Amy still sticks to her goals and passions, no matter what the internet thinks. And also, Amy still has a pretty heavy crush on Sonic in IDW (or it's at least implied). But the guy fails to mention that, and instead goes on about the Japanese characterization.

Now nothing is wrong with comparing the current characterizations and all. But it felt kind of... Japanese Purist in the worst way possible. Saying "See!? Japan keeps Amy the same, so it's a Western Problem! And Western cultures hate women!". Which I did see some people sharing that rhetoric in the comments. Saying "Hollywood nowadays hates femininity", "I hope Movie Amy isn't ruined", "I wish the West was more like Japan" and so on. Cultural differences are fine! But everyone's character is handled by a different writing team in Japan. They have different standards, and like to write characters differently. I find it unfair to compare something like that, when talking about a fictional pink hedgehog. It kinda feels like this (MAN making this video by the way) is pitting two women against each other, because one girl isn't "feminine" enough. Which reminds me of a... certain war between Sally and Amy during the shipping wars. Hmm... how silly that you complain about a fandom thing like that from certain other fans later in your video. But you share the same rhetoric as the very same people who used to think Amy was "too girly" back then. But now, she "isn't girly enough".

Chapter 2 THE FANDOM PART OH NO:

OH BOY. This is where the video lost me. I had places to agree on everything else, but when he got into the fandom part... it seemed hateful. TW for possible homophobic talk and also, Anti Headcannon talk! Booooo! Anyways. The guy proceeds to talk about the fandom at the end of the video, pretty much out of nowhere. Knowing that Ian is a fan, then it makes sense for some of his writing decisions, and I pointed that out in one of my two comments.

"Now I've been personally writing Sonic stuff for fun, and I have my own headcannons. Which, it seemed like you were very against in this video. Your wording seemed, angry? And that's valid! Especially when fannon things infect cannon. And I agree with a lot of what you said. Some things the writers have said, or done, is WEIRD. Like especially Ian answering a question about Sonic touching Shadow's ass. Like he had every right not to respond to that question, and pick anything else. Buuut, he picked THAT one? Like WHY!? It's just odd. That's something a QNA made by fans should do, not a real writer who works at Sega.

But point is, some of the people who favor headcannons, and say some of the terrible stuff you displayed, are on the younger side. I remember having a "if you think one way, you're bad!" mindset, when I was growing up in my early teens. But that doesn't excuse them sending things like death threats, and saying gross things about characters or ships, BECAUSE they're most likely children. In fact, if they're adults, that makes them even worse. But, not everyone who has a headcannon is a bad guy. Due to people like this, random people who just enjoy making headcannons, have been villainized and demonized. Which is ironic, because back in the day, it was just as bad! If you had a gay headcannon back in the 2000's and 2010's? Well be prepared to get death threats! But the tables have just been turned around nowadays. Also, it was very common for fans to write people like Amy as a worse character, making her a total stalker, for the sake of their ships. This has been a sadly common thing, since the dawn of fandom itself. And Sonic is just a case of some of the worst people in it. I feel like nowadays, people only notice it more; because Twitter and other social medias, like to highlight the negative to an absurd degree."

Now the screenshots he shows from the writers, and other official staff are disgusting! And I agree that this behavior is bad!

If you're wondering. When he decided to show negative sides of the fandom, and toxic behavior, as well as calling these people "Not real fans" he only showed a specific kind of screenshot... Other than one showing only death threats, and someone nitpicking Sonic's shoes. Then all of his screenshots of "bad people" or him describing bad writers or bad fans, were ones with certain headcannons. And one post that he used to defend himself, and his argument, is from an OPEN TRANSPHOBE. Now I agree, Krack should NOT have recived threats like this from people, despite his thoughts on Trans People (PEOPLE. TRANS PEOPLE ARE ALWAYS HUMAN, AND PEOPLE, JUST LIKE US.) being deplorable. But Dimitri, why did you pick THIS specific type of harassment to show off hmm? What about the people who used to send threats to the Archie Staff, for not shipping Sonamy? Or to the Sonic Boom Staff to make their ship cannon? I guess that wasn't important enough to mention, because "the Archie and other Sega staff are saints! But Ian Flynn isn't! So any hate he gets is justified, and not allowed to be criticized at all!". That's what these screenshots and your wording of calling certain fans "brand ambassadors" felt a little personal....

Also, including the Anti Western post a few minutes after this one, is making your character look bad. Like I don't see Western Sonic Fans, complaining how Japan's characters need to change to fit THEIR standards. But Western Media just magically needs to accept overseas stuff all of a sudden? What happened to Sonic being a BRAND. They act like Sonic is a real guy, who's having his friend's name dragged through the mud. When in reality, Sega wants to make money, and money first. So despite me not liking the changes, Sega, and English writers will make changes to whatever the hell they want. You're allowed to not like that. But blaming ALL of Western Media like this, sounds like a brainwashy take.

Now I understand Dimitri is mad about the responses he got on Twitter to his post. And I agree, people shouldn't be saying this stuff about him, or his statement. He was sharing an opinion, and people took it the wrong way. Ian DOES have biases for writing a certain type of Female character, thinking that a kickass woman is better than a more feminine one. That's an issue for sure, but I don't agree with the framing in this video. He used the WORST screenshots he could find, to demonize people with headcannons. The way he spoke about Flynn's writing of Silver in particular was very Anti Headcannon. Saying his character was ruined with Flynn's inclusions, instead of admitting that Flynn's Silver just isn't his taste. He could've said "I just don't like how Ian Flynn writes Silver and Amy" or "I would personally change ___, ___, or ___ about them". That's a respectful way to critique something. Instead saying "Ian Flynn doesn't understand this, and he ruined everything!". It's like he's putting the blame just on Ian's shoulders, because of a change he doesn't like. When, sure Flynn IS the head writer and all.

Now I mentioned in my quote from my comment, that Ian's Bumblecast questions were inappropriate for a franchise made for kids. But that's not because it's a Sonadow themed question, it's because it's WEIRD. But SEGA is the one who allows him to characterize her like this. If they didn't have an issue with it in the West, and want to make cultural differences that could help with their sales. THEY WILL! Sega is a company, they aren't your friend, and aren't under an attack by Flynn's writing team. Sure Flynn is writing this character, but Sega is being a pussy, and letting a writer push them around. Which tells me, Sega doesn't give a fuck. As long as Sonic is getting press, and mostly positive press at that. They'll let Flynn write whatever he wants. The only reason they told Flynn to stop responding to Sonic character questions, is because some of the responses would look bad for THE BRAND. Sega might be nicer to their fans compared to things like Nintendo, but they're still a company at the end of the day. This guy doesn't seem to understand that. Or if he does, he's being ignorant.

This is where you lost me Dimitri.

This photo here is a pure editing piece of propaganda. He says, with this image on screen "The Sonic Fandom cares a hell of a lot more about the fandom part, then the actual content of Sonic. And that's why their concerns revolve around propping the brand up, in the face of any criticism." And the most important part of this quote "or using it's fictional character as a mouthpiece for entertainment to politics."

One. How is an innocent piece of Sonic headcannon art (top right corner) and Shadow holding a Trans flag, any HARM to you? How is that stuff perverting the characters? One is a headcannon drawing, that had nothing to do with your previous issues. This one is a FAN WORK, not effecting cannon comics or games at all. As for the Shadow fanart, that one is FAN ART. You're looking in FANDOM, no shit you're going to see art like that. People can relate to quotes characters say, and it's stupid if you think they have to take the quotes literally. Art is subjective, and people can get different things from the media they consume. That's the beauty of humanity, everyone has different eyes. Next, the Sonic is LGBTQ video he included in the bottom left? It's a theory video. I watched it actually! Chaomix isn't trying to say "Yeah Sonic IS this way, and you're wrong if you think otherwise". In his video, which you clearly didn't watch, he explains the FAN THEORY, and how people sometimes relate it to cannon. Guess what Sonic also doesn't have in cannon. A GIRLFRIEND, which you clearly seem to like the idea of him and Amy due to you using X and the Japanese Media as an example of. If Sonic is "as free as the wind" like you say, then wouldn't you agree that he doesn't need to be in a relationship? But you never mention that ever.

And guess what? The Sega pictures of Speed Battle? Those are real! Sure even if Sonic the character isn't gay, Sega wants to make profits and be nice to fans! It's a brand tactic which people take too seriously. But it's better than you, who wants to show these photos off as being wacko and crazy. And yes, Sonic hates oppression. How is that an issue that people use too much to defend their character, but the "Shadow Loves Latina's" shit isn't? In fact, you don't mention ANY instance of a fan with straight headcannons harassing others, or Transphobic views. Oh wait, that wouldn't fit with the image you're making people out to be with this video. How ironic that you leave out the toxic straight fans, but show off the toxic gay ones. And use false information to prove your point. That doesn't look too good Dimitri. 0-0

Another quote from my comment thread on YouTube:

"I mentioned before, that I personally make headcannons. And the difference between me, other writers, and Ian Flynn. Is that we're fans, and don't have a say over cannon media. Ian Flynn's words, are taken as fact. One thing I have to say before agreeing with you again, is that, I don't see the issue with certain characters being gay canonically. The ones Ian made, are basically his characters. And so far, characters like Tangle and Whisper, and ESPECALLY Nik and Don, haven't been taking over the comic. They just kinda exist, and may be gay (Nik and Don mostly being conformed). I'm Bisexual, and I'm glad Ian wanted to make new characters who are gay. I'm not DEMANDING he makes these characters, like some people think I do. But if they exist, and they're still characters outside of their identity (which they have been so far, I've been rereading Sonic IDW recently) then I'm pretty happy with them just being there.

Now if he was trying to change a character, let's say Amy, into being a sexuality she isn't CANONICALLY, then I'd feel more skeptical about it. Also, your argument about how people react to queer ships has been an issue, since again, the dawn of fandom. A lot of people don't like Gay ships for the sake of their actual dynamic. But for the sake of "Hey, I find this hot!". Whenever I write relationships, I like to think "does this work with the relationship I want to write?", instead of thinking of which Gay ship is the best, and who can I demonize for my ship to work. Which I mentioned earlier, straight ships have had this issue in the past too! I feel like your problem with the fandom isn't because "they're making everything gay", it's that fans are being insufferable about their headcannons and ships. Which every fandom is like, and will continue to be that way sadly lol. But speaking of, Ian pushing his headcannons onto cannon is not great! Silver is an example I used in my very own video, and I don't like his IDW self so far. I wish he would have help from other writers, and maybe work better with the Japanese Team for certain characters. I'm usually not against other versions of existing characters (Sonic in other media like him in game, vs the movies, vs Sonic Prime, ect.), but Ian trying to make HIS version of Amy "THE" Amy in a sense, rubs me the wrong way. It would be different, and I wouldn't care if he was writing a FAN comic, or making a Fanfiction. That would be normal fandom stuff. But, I feel like he never switched his brain from writing Fanfiction. Writing a fanfiction, and writing for an existing series is completely different."

"As a fan who writes her own version of the Sonic cast (I mostly pull from the games), it's fun! But I'm still a fan, not an official staff member. I've personally had people compare me to an actual writer, like I'm supposed to be professional. I put in effort into my versions, but I don't INSIST that they're the "real version of Sonic" or Shadow, or whoever the fuck else I'm writing. I admit, as a fan, that they aren't too accurate. And seeing other fans with headcannons, insist that their stuff is right, makes the whole community look bad. Like yeah, I see certain characters as Gay or whatever else.

But I get ashamed to say that, because whenever I do, I have people saying I'm trying to "ruin the Sonic Brand" or that I'm "not a real fan". But shipping, headcannons, and other things are a side passion of mine. I just do it, because I'm in Fandom spaces, and I have fun with that stuff. My main love came from Sonic though! I've played LOADS of the games, almost all of them, ever since I was little! But people don't believe me, because of the chronically online people. It just sucks that things like this are so hated, because a few teens on Twitter were being assholes. I know this tangent was long, but that's a big part of the video that I felt disgusted by. Not just because people were disgusting in the screenshots you put up. But because it reminds me, on why people like me, and random fans, get harrassed for having silly opinions and thoughts on characters I love."

My comment on Amy still stands by the way. But everything else still applies! One thing I noticed is that he uses regular comments about people liking different versions of Sonic (IDW in specific) to be the "stupid wrong option" in his videos. Saying that don't understand Sonic, when they just prefer one characterization over another. So it's fine when you prefer old Amy's writing and dialogue, or Japanese Amy, but it's not fine when this person has a preference for IDW Sonic's writing? Make it make sense. Also the photo he uses here makes no sense. Sure Gigi works on IDW, but we don't know if They wrote the scene or not. If they straight up admitted to writing this, it would be bias. But as of now, we have no idea.

I also love how Dimitri complains about certain characters being gay. And I agree with him on one writers point, saying that want to ship Vector and Espio. I don't like the ship, and I find it gross personally. They have a brotherly bond. And I personally ship Silver and Blaze a lot. But this isn't about me, this is about YOU Dimitri. You complain later in the video that "The Sonic Fandom cares a hell of a lot more about the fandom part, then the actual content of Sonic. So why would you care about this? This is shipping! Shipping is fandom shit! You're too pure, YOU know the characters well enough! You're not like other Sonic fans, you don't care! But you suddenly care about this shipping take? Like I get the Espio and Vector hate, but why do you care that she doesn't care for Silver and Blaze?

I've met plenty of straight and gay fans who just don't prefer something. You claim not to care about ships, and to feel disgusted by all of them. But you seem to be VERY pro Sonamy, and at least a decent fan of Silver and Blaze. Because otherwise, if you cared ONLY about the games, you wouldn't care about relationships at all! You complain about Flynn wanting to keep relationship drama from Archie Sonic, yet at the same time, you're complaining about it! It seems like you're bias against gay stuff. You don't like that gay ships are being pushed in the comics, but Sonamy coded scenes never come up! Even though they exist in IDW! Or heck, another Hetro ship that IDW basically made cannon was Vector and Vanilla! They're cannon characters! You should care way more that this ship was forced, Sonic isn't about romance! . . . Seems like it's only convent to mention shipping things when it's against gay stuff, and serves your own agenda. Which funnily enough, you criticize the IDW writers for doing. So which one is it Dimitri? Does shipping matter or not~? >:) Plus! One of your sections in the video is explaining Sonic and Amy's relationship. And you seem to describe them more as a couple, than friends. Even though they're not a cannon ship. And that leads me to another point.

Why do Ian's comic characters, matter to you? They can be gay, they're Flynn's characters. Again I mentioned in my comment that "I don't see the issue with certain characters being gay canonically. The ones Ian made, are basically his characters. And so far, characters like Tangle and Whisper, and ESPECALLY Nik and Don, haven't been taking over the comic. They just kinda exist, and may be gay (Nik and Don mostly being conformed). I'm Bisexual, and I'm glad Ian wanted to make new characters who are gay. I'm not DEMANDING he makes these characters, like some people think I do. But if they exist, and they're still characters outside of their identity (which they have been so far, I've been rereading Sonic IDW recently) then I'm pretty happy with them just being there." Heck I'll even say that characters like Starline, if he ended up being Gay, who cares!? You're looking at outside media, to look at the comic, instead of focusing on the Comic's story. Which, again, you AGAIN quoted saying "The Sonic Fandom cares a hell of a lot more about the fandom part, then the actual content of Sonic". Why would you care about a Lesbian or Gay ship being cannon? Ships are fandom stuff! That's not actual content of Sonic! Plus, you seem to play the games. Why would you care about a comic that Ian's writing? The writer you seem to hate in your video. You can happily ignore the comics, and keep playing the games. But this fact seems to make you angry enough, to add it in your video.

Whisper and Tangle are strong characters, and may be dating on the side. But they've still done important things in the comics, and stand as characters on their own. And if we don't include them, Nik and Don are BACKGROUND CHARACTERS. Why would they matter to you? They're in the background, and aren't forcing themselves into the main story. They show up to do some things, and that's it. But them possibly being gay seems to make you disgusted. The Conductor and his wife are cannon! And so is TMOSTH, which you don't even mention! That couple is a background character couple, and they even had a kid! So clearly, adding in Spinoff media/non cannon media into the comics isn't an issue to you! Or you just haven't gotten to this issue yet. Or, what I suspect... You've never read the comics at all! Because they have TWO cannon straight couples in IDW, but you don't mention them at all. But when one gay couple is cannon, or IMPLIED with Tangle and Whisper. THEN it's a problem to add couples.

I think that's all the points I have, and why this video feels... gross. But what I wanna mainly take away from here is that. You're allowed to have preferences for Old or New Amy, but this video just wasn't it. He mighty know Amy's old character, and might not like the new which is fine. But I feel like he used the last third of his video, trying to push his beliefs about Sonic fans onto the viewer. And acting incredibly ignorant when it came to some information. I don't think this guy MEANT to be Homophobic, or weird in this video at first. But that weird Wojack edit at the end kinda gave me Dimitri's true colors. As well as quoting a proud Transphobe multiple times. So uhh yeah not good! >:( I don't think Dimitri is too far gone, and I think he just made some bad choices because he interacted with the wrong group of people. But I think people just doesn't understand fandom culture, especially Dimitri.

But tell me what you guys think! What do you think about the original video if you've watched it? And I'd love to hear what you think about this video too! Please be sure to be respectful, and DO NOT HARRASS DIMITRI. I'll be getting back to drawings soon, and I may do more thought posts. But I don't think it'll ever be on one video ever again. And what version of Amy do you like? Personally, I love both Adventure Amy, and IDW Amy so far! ^w^ I'll be seeing you guys around. <3

[pruneunfair]

"My feelings on" part 9: Resetting lady, how it uses too much edginess and shock value, examples of edginess done well.

I normally can reread a book rather easily even if it was awful but this one took the whole cake, it was painful to go back and fourth to read.

Synopsis: essentially the FL Karen has died and came back over 100 times (the exact number can vary based on translation but it's usually 117) and because of the endless cycle of dying, regressing, trying different tactics only to die again. Karen officially goes off the deep end and becomes a lunatic.

The synopsis sounded like the beginning of a creepy pasta which really intrigued me into reading 20 chapters but after 5 chapters it stopped being interesting and just got confusing. So to keep readers interested, I've noticed that the plot of resetting lady relied on shock value from it's edgy story line. Within the first few chapters Karen already kills someone via strangulation, at first you think it's Isella, a snobby rich girl who got Karen killed a few times before but its revealed it was actually a maid named Nancy (who also killed Karen in one of her past lives) and thats only one of the deaths. Now obviously that doesn't make the story bad on it's own, after all the summary of the book tells you she's going to murder people.

HOWEVER it's how its executed that makes it honestly cringe worthy. The vibes I got from Karen seemed like a mix of Jeff the killer and someone's joker impression. Like a self insert you'd make when you had a bad day and you want something to get that anger out of you. There's also times where there's just little build up and BOOM! someone dies by Karens hands, some of the characters honestly don't even deserve death.

The plot also jumps back and fourth and since the translation isn't that great it became tiring to actually read it. The ortolan chapters for example started out with a good idea of the dishes resembling greed but then it just got dragged out and confusing. I see what its trying to do but ehh.. it feels as if less effort was put into it so all the time could be spent on the blood and violence, most of it is either just political story lines that get dragged on or a true crime plot

Its not like it's impossible to have edgy content either there's 2 ways edginess can work.

1: serious plot with balanced edginess

Sister im the queen in this life is an example of a serious plot with balanced edgy humor, I may not like it too much but it balances the edgy tone with a light hearted moments relating to Arabella and Alfonso along with the blood and violent behavior being kept at a minimum, Ariande may be a little unhinged and is an evil person but she still works for the most part because her character doesn't feel embarrassing to follow all the time. Another example of media with a lot of edgy humor is an anime I'm a big fan of: Devilman Crybaby, a 10 episode anime that starts off with a lot of gore and TONS of sexual humor but evolves into a deep and tragic tale about two friends ever-growing toxic relationship and how it led to the sucker punch of an ending. I would explain further but honestly Devilman Crybaby is an anime you should watch yourself all the way through to get the full feeling.

The second example of how edgy humor can be done correctly is: A goofy storyline with lack of an actual plot full of as much edgy humor as possible. Now this style is less liked seeing as it's not for everyone (for good reason too) but sometimes you will find yourself a funny dark humored show or book that's just shock humor but it's the right setting and tone to have that level of edge lord humor. Robot chicken is an example of this style and yes it has started to devolve in a lot of ways but nevertheless remainds iconic for its style and humor.

What makes Resetting lady worse then these examples? It tries to be a serious plot with complex characters yet it still tries to hamfist in constant blood and death combined with long arcs that keep bouncing back and fourth. It doesn't have the entertaining plot to keep you invested and it's shock value humor gets old quick when you realize it's the same thing your supposed to be rooting for.

But by far the worst thing resetting lady has done was this

Karen SA's her fiancé and continously disrespects him when he tells her no. This was what really ruined Karen's character and honestly the entirety of the comic when you realize they want you to sympathize with a sexual abuser.

Now I'm the queen in this life and robot chicken dont handle SA great either but at the very least when there is SA you aren't expected to sympathize with the perpetrator, Resetting lady however pushes it to the side because she's unhinged and a troubled FL so that means she's immediately justified in the eyes of the narrative.

By now I stopped reading the rest of it because it was becoming a genuine chore.

Conclusion: Edgy humor and shock value have its place and making a story revolving around said humor isn't bad on its own as long as it's executed properly but resetting lady executes it in one of the worst ways possible, the humor is stale, most of the characters are either extremely unlikable yet your supposed to like them or they have little personality, only ones I was more interested in were Isella and Dulan.

[blond3ang3l]

NSFW Toji x black AFAB! reader

She/her pronouns

Based off of this prompt (reader is also spoiled as fuck)

Imagine that … and … lived together. … comes home one day and hears loud moaning coming from their bedroom, recognizing … voice. … assumes, to their horror, that … is cheating on them, and they rush to the bedroom and open the door. Instead of seeing a cheating partner, … actually walks in on … masturbating/using sex toys while moaning out … name.

Cw- choking, use of a vibrator, pussy slapping , mentions of a gun, lots of talk bout jealousy, a bit of toxic toji

 She always had eyes on her, that’s just part of being Toji’s pretty little girlfriend. Being spoiled relentlessly since she very much deserves it. Him paying for her braids, taking her out all the time just to show her off, giving her his card whenever she even glance at something in stores. It’s nothing he wouldn’t do for her. And of course all he ask back is respect and loyalty.

He never doubted you, I mean hell as big as his ego is he doesn’t think there’s anyone better than him. So when he walks into you guys shared home and heard moaning his heart fucking dropped. You couldn’t possibly be cheating on him; especially not in your shared home.

He grabbed his pistol from the holster off his waist, cocking it and stomping over to you guys room. Without even bother knocking he slammed the door open making you jump in surprised. Looking up to see Toji slamming your closet door opening. Still trying to understand what was happening and why he was so pissed you could barely hear what he was saying. Once you saw the gun you immediately feared for the worse and started asking him what was going on.

“Where the fuck is he y/n?!” Toji asked as he walked over to you. “Who?!” Your eyes widened knowing Toji would never even lay a finger on you, you assumed someone had broken into the house. His face started to get red in anger as the room was basically trashed from him looking for the mystery man.

He grabbed your face so you made direct eye contact. His gaze softening a bit as he looked down at your pretty dark eyes before hardening. “Where’s the fucker that you had in here hm? You think you can just bring another man in our god damn house.I’ll fucking kill and you know damn well I will.”

You grabbed his wrist and glanced at the vibrator next to you. Seeing you not keeping eye contact he looked over at what you were and let out a sigh of relief. “Shit baby..”

“Cmere.” You pulled him closer to you and took the gun out his hand placing it on your nightstand. He rested his forehead on yours before placing a kiss on your plump lips “Can’t believe I thought you fucking cheated on me.”. He left a trail of kisses going down from your lips down to your chest.

A small moan left her feeling his tongue press against her tit. His hands slid from her waist down to her ass giving it a rough squeeze earning him another pretty moan. Hands gripping his hair as he laid her down onto the bed, sliding the large t-shirt (that was definitely his) up. A smirk growing on his face seeing she already had nothing on underneath. “Since you were having so much fun without me how bout you give me a show princess~”.

You could feel your face get hot as his rough and scared hands traveled all over your body. Slowly coming to a halt when he got to your clit, giving it a slap causing you to wince. “I asked you a question didn’t? Or have you already fucked yourself dumb to the point you can’t comprehend the simplest shit.”

A pout grew on your face which quickly went away when you were suddenly flipped on to your stomach. Hearing a buzzing noise from behind you, you were quickly aware of the situation you were in.

Feeling the vibrator pressed against your clit making you throw your head back making him smirk. “Shit!~ T-toji wait”. Gripping the sheets she pushed her hips back earning a hard smack on the ass making her wince.

Not being able to take anymore Toji quickly pulled his pants along with his boxers down. He thrusted into her harshly making her arch her back. His pace was quick and rough, not even giving her a moment to adjust. The sound of skin slapping and moans quickly filling the room. His hand still covering her mouth as he leaned into her neck. His warm breath making her shiver under him. His free hand roaming her curves and going down to her clit slapping it. Her eyes widened and she threw her head back feeling him slam into her g-spot.

“Had me fucking scared baby you know that. Thought you wa- agh! Fucking giving my pussy to some other guy. You’re mine baby you got that. I’m the only person that’s gonna fuck you like this.” He leaned to closer to her ear yanking her hair making her look up.

"This what you fucking needed huh~? You never fuck with who anyone made you feel this good princess?" He chuckled, grabbing her hair yanking her head back. His chest pressed against her back. "Ngh~ No baby, none one has ever made me feel this good. Can't even make me cum." It was a struggle for her to even get her thoughts together with her rough he was going.

His big hand wrapped around her throat. "May be that's a sign that no man should be touching my pussy." delivering another slap to her clit making her wince. Her eyes rolled back and she moaned his name loudly. He put his hand on her back making her arch it more. Tears started filling up in her eyes which only fueled him more.

“Gonna cum daddy!” She gripped the sheets as tears of pleasure ran down her face. He leaned down giving her a rough and deep kiss. “Cum for me baby” he mumbled against her lips. She threw her head back while she came, her legs spasming as she did. With a few more thrust he came deep inside her.

After a few moments he pulled out and rested his forehead against hers. “I love you so fucking much baby.” Hearing that out a smile on her face. “I love you too baby”.

[my-rose-tinted-glasses]

Non BL Fan watches Only Friends

Hey. Yeah so I'm still on this. So when Only Friends ended, it left kinda of a bitter taste in my mouth. I liked a lot of things about it but by the end it really didn’t leave a good impression. There’s been a lot written about it, about expectations, and branded pairs, and how fandom may have played a role in this, and how the writing maybe because of that kinda took a turn midway through the show. And it kept bugging me that these opinions were also rooted in our understanding of this type of media, and everything that comes with it. Be it branded pairs, all the bls that came before or the industry as a whole. But I couldn't really have any perspective because I'm part of the problem. I'm too close. So, the only way for me to kinda get over this was to get someone far removed from this to watch it. And here is where my friend Neely comes in. They're not a bl watcher. The only bl they ever watched was Choco Milk Shake which I think we can all agree would not influence their viewing of Only Friends. They are however the only person who I talk to about bl, or the only person who has the patience to listen to me, whenever I’m feeling particularly annoyed about something or just wanna share a good moment. I immediately sent them the olive oil scene (with only a tiny bit of context) because it was so beautiful that I needed to scream with someone about it. So anyway, I asked them to watch the show. They knew a couple of things about it, because I complained to them about it at the time, but they has no reference for it so, I don’t think that I influenced the viewing that much. Also they're pretty unbiased about everything.

So last night they watched the first 4 episodes and I’d like to share their thoughts with everyone who like me might be curious. Because they're the best person ever, he wrote a whole text about it so I could share. Also we're almost at the end of the year and this might be the thing that finally closes this chapter for me. This is what they had to say after watching the first 4 episodes.

(I'll be adding my own thoughts in purple)

After 4 episodes, mostly I think it's really predictable plot wise for anyone who's watched a general TV western series, like a Netflix production, which I was maybe surprised. The ways to cause drama and plot advancement are very similar. Of cpurse this is me saying this based on the other BL I watched (Choco Milk Shake) which felt much more out of the expected canon.

Just to get this out of the way: they're all toxic and terrible people, to the extent I find it very hard to connect to any of them. Just in the exposure parts of ep1 there's all of them being horrible to Ray for being drunk – even though they also are? - and to top it up later on they're all drunk, and the woman (sorry I should know her name but it's not like they're giving her any storyline or screen time (aside from, I almost forgot, randomly spraining her ankle 😂) for me to remember) I thought that the fact that this was obvious to them from the beginning was very interesting because I maybe gave them more rope in the beginning to expand on her because I thought she was gonna get more later. she's even drunker it seems but they all fall on Ray only; they literally complain he wants another drink and judgementally go "ewww more drinks don't you think it's enough" and dig into his drinking, he leaves, and then they continue drinking? This got even darker to me when the suicide attempt is revealed, and from then it became really hard to consider them friends? Maybe Mew and Ray but the dynamics of that are anyway weird. This is something I myself struggled with all through the show, like how are these people even friends? and I understand the point illustrated by @bengiyo in this post but I still couldn’t get over that. And maybe that’s just the way I see friendships that these people looked even worse in my eyes. Like I cannot compute them treating Ray like that, even if they're done of his drinking, when they know where he's at emotionally. It also doesn't feel they ever tried to help him so I don't think they have the right to be done, just feels like they don't care.

Top, toxic from day one with this challenge attitude towards fucking the virgin; and the gross way he speaks about it with Boston. It's a big no from me to both of them. It's not even them hooking up for me, Top is just kinda sleazy, manipulative, hyper entitled, I do not take anything he says as truth because he just feels so double faced to me. Even just these episodes he's already shown so many cracks: hiding the hook up with Boston (which I'm beginning to feel was more than a hook up?), the whole random drug dealing thing, how he objectifies Mew like a virgin-trophy when talking to Boston, how he manipulates him and also his weird jealousy and control. Ok, this is where I admit I was completely wrong. I thought that way of seeing Top was very influenced by the promotional material and the way the crew and actors talked about the character. And yet, without any prior knowledge he immediately disliked him. I was not expecting that to be honest. And in this case maybe I just wanted the character to go in a different direction so I kept not seeing the pretty obvious red flags. I mean I saw them but tried really hard to look behind them. My bad. Although we could both agree that he’s gorgeous.

I don't like Mew, but I don't think it's the characters fault or how it's written. It's just the troupe of character writing, especially in gay shows, that I can't stand. It's kinda cancer vibes (astrology lol). A bit not necessarily overt but a general sense of holier than thou cause he's a virgin and "has standards". I don't think he's leading Ray on, I think he actually kinda communicates well he just wants friendship. He could be clearer but also this is TV, so we need slight unclearness for drama purposes lol, but I'm not mad about that. Miss communication is the bane of my existence but it apparently makes for compelling television. Or not.

But generally this hot fuck everyone guy falling for the kinda dorky virgin is so dull to me, this virgin is always this weird insert of purity, more often than not an insert where the writer in one way or another projects himself into, to be able to judge the rest of the community, the moral compass (read: normative in terms of society expectations, also kinda mildly Christian coded, like girl next door in the village), and I do always find it a bit queerphobic. I'm not saying there aren't queers like that and that they shouldn't be represented, but the very intense and obvious writing decisions to position him as this moral center (also visually he's always wearing whites and pastels? Virgin mew, Virgin Mary! Lol) that makes all the other characters, often queer, seem kinda dirty and mean and unprincipled. I have nothing to add here because I agree with them on most of this, and I also think that it was never a coincidence to have a virgin in the middle of this group, to serve as the barometer of right and wrong. Cause he's the pure one so he must know what's right. I disliked mew almost instantly when the show started, because I always thought he was just a terrible friend and that’s the greatest sin of all. A small note that I think it's hilariously dumb that he's been protecting his Virginity for all this time and so like "omg it's hard for me, omg I go slow, omg I have a check list" and then it's like "you drop coke I drop pants", virginity done lol. This was just funny and accurate.

I am not talking about Boston right now cause I hate him. And I also hate that they wrote the slut in such a cliche but I do think they did. I remember you saying something people attacking him too much and him being slut-shamed, but he's written as villain quite clearly. Lol I think he's leading mobile phone shop guy on, it's very player manipulation vibe to be always giving him just a bit more to keep him going and the promise of something more open, when we know he just wants to fuck, and especially fuck when he's butt hurt about Top and Mew. And the way he's treating Mew, terrible friend; and also the advances on Top are far from boundary and consent-based lol. But also Top doesn't feel very interested in getting out, he just weirdly stands there silent being licked in the neck, so I blame both on that whole thing. I have to say that I never really read the shower scene like others might have, like obviously Boston was being terrible to Mew in that moment and not respecting Top's boundaries, but I also didn't see Top as helpless in this moment.

I think the only pair that gets away with actually being cute and not toxic and manipulative is Sand and Ray, they're my faves. Yey!! I find them very endearing and with so much chemistry. They're the only characters who honestly genuinely said sorry to each other and had some accountability when they fucked up with each other.

Even tho I'd like a bit more from Sand about the whole "burden to society" comments at the start - they annoyed me so much. The others it's manipulation after manipulation for me, and it doesn't allow me to get into them so it feels like deep lack of chemistry. Top and Mew's relationship feels really really really meh to me. And I don't know why they're friends, also cause very little of them as friends gets shown after ep1. Well they have the school project that keeps them together but other than that really, why? As I explained above I really struggled with the friendship aspect of all this.

But generally, I feel like the editing and writing are very like Mew is amazing and the others are horrible, and we do just get scenes of everyone being shit and Mew not being great but being naive and cutesy with a hint of superiority. Also you're a virgin your not a thumb stone, give your boyfriend a kiss sometimes. I thought this comment was hilarious but also obviously from a non bl watcher because that didn’t register to me, because I’m so used to boyfriends being so shy around kissing in bl that it didn't even cross my mind.

I think I'm slightly meh by all of them but partly is maybe my expectations too - I knew this one specifically was a bit westernized, but I was nurturing this little idea that it would feel a bit different, that some of the ways things were explored would feel different because of the cultural differences, but I do think you could sub all of the actors for white us-americans and the script would fly, you could probably even set it in a progressive state in the us and wouldn't have to re-write much.

So, I might totally be talking out of my ass, but what I'm left thinking is: is there really no culturally specificity to queer community there? is really all queerness and promiscuity in Thailand this performance of the west? Maybe it is, because of different social rules and expectations and freedoms, I really am not knowledgeable enough, but I'm just wondering if it's that or if it's just being made to be more palatable to me. And I think that's fine as a choice for them to know target audience, but I'm left wondering how the actual scene is in Thailand, what the social pressures are there and how they navigate them, specifically at this nexus of queerness and promiscuity. I also don’t know enough about the culture in Thailand to speak about it but I do agree with the point that this show could be made in us tv and they really wouldn’t need to change much. Without knowing anything about the creators of ofts, aside from the fact that they’re queer, they said later that they would compare it to something that Ryan Murphy could produce.

_

After I read this I had a chance to video chat with them briefly , and there were a couple more things that came up that I thought were really interesting. they were asking me about the actors and how well known they were, etc. Because they thought that the characters were purposefully being shown as really flat, and just bad with no redeemable characteristics and that maybe because the fandom already knew them and already liked them, they could do that without needing to waste time making us care for them, by giving us their good sides. Which I never really considered, but as with most things, our prior knowledge might play a part in this too. I know at least for me, I'm not gonna lie, the fact that I like Khaotung definitely made me care for Ray from the start in a way that maybe I wouldn't normally have.

Anyway, they'll continue to watch it and I'll probably post more of thoughts in the future. I also started to rewatch it slowly so I'll definitely keep thinking about this. If you've made it this far, thanks for reading. 💜

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA for adapting a situation I have been in/witnessed in real life into something I'm writing?

Okay, that doesn't sound as bad as it is to me on its own. Will probably seem worse with context. Here goes, and buckle in, it's a long one.

Five years ago, I (20 at the time, she/her) had this friend, who I'm going to call Alex (21 at the time, genderfluid). Alex was in this relationship with a pansexual guy who I'm going to call Mark (24 at the time, he/him). To me and the rest of Alex's friends, the way Mark treated Alex sent up some major red flags. He was insanely possessive, always spoke over Alex whenever Alex made a point or talked about something he didn't like/approve of, whenever they weren't together he'd be texting or calling Alex to ask where Alex was and who Alex was with, and would say who he thought Alex should and shouldn't associate with and enforced it to the best of his ability.

I and the rest of Alex's friend group would try and bring it up as gently as we possibly could, and Alex would either become quiet and unresponsive until we changed the subject or lash out and tell us it was just a phase in the relationship that 'all couples go through' and that we should just 'leave it alone'.

It remained a wedge issue between us until a mutual friend decided we should have a big lart at her house after a Pride Event. Alex and Mark arrived together and stayed joined at the hip until somewhere between 1 am and 1 thirty am, which was when I lost sight of them.

At 1 thirty one, I went out into the mutual friend's back garden to get some air because the house was stupidly hot and smelled like weed. I found Alex crying. After a while, he (preferred pronouns at the time were he/him) told me he'd seen Mark kissing someone he didn't know. He also said that he didn't want to go back to the flat he and Mark shared because of it. I offered to let him stay at mine for the remainder of the night, saying we'd talk about it in the morning.

At that point, Mark came outside and saw me with Alex. He said something like "Babe, I know I messed up, but you don't have to show me how bad it feels." I said to Alex that we were leaving and we made it to the side gate when Mark called "Please, I can make this right, we can be a couple again. I just... I have needs, you know?" Alex didn't respond, but I did. I shouted that his needs weren't a get-out-of-jail-free card for being a shitty person or something like that. I think I would be a JAH if I were asking about that situation

About a week after the party, Alex and Mark broke up. Alex and I both moved away, but to different places and we lost contact.

Anyway, I sat down to write something (I won't say what) and it involved a toxic relationship. About halfway through writing, I stopped and realised I was basing it on Alex and Mark's relationship, and started getting paranoid about them seeing it if I put it out into the world. I abandoned that story, but I really enjoyed writing the parts that weren't about the toxic relationship.

Would I be the asshole if I continued writing it?

What are these acronyms?

[percabething]

Is It Over Now?

Pairing: Conrad Fisher x reader

Word count: 1.2K

Synopsis: you always thought the worse thing that could happen was losing him, but it was losing you.

warnings: angst, underage drinking, jealous belly, Conrad being low key toxic.

hi hi hi. I’m new in the fanfic side of tumblr and this is my first fic and it’s based on the new Taylor Swift song “Is it over now” ^^. I really hope you guys like this! also english is NOT my first language so if I made any mistakes I’m so sorry. Enjoy! Also if anyone knows how to enable the request thing pls, pls show me😭

It was the night. Tonight Nicole’s throwing her madly known summer batch. Absolutely everyone was going. You were getting ready with Belly at the Fisher’s. You’ve always loved them, the Fisher’s. You loved that house and you also loved Conrad Fisher.

He, for you, is everything that’s right. You and Conrad have always been close. He is the one you went to when everything was wrong and he always found a way to make everything right. Now here you were getting ready with Belly. You were almost done when both of you heard a knock on the door. It was Jeremiah.

“Are you guys almost done? You guys always take wayy too much time getting ready.”

After that Steven chimes in and says jokingly “Right! And for. What is not like you guys are getting any tonight”. Belly shoves him to the side and rolls her eyes “Shut up Steven, if anything you’re the one not getting any tonight”.

She points to his shoes. His shoes had a drawing of Homer Simpson on them. “What? The Simpson are so in right now” You laugh at the scenery, but you can’t help but wonder where Conrad is.

“Steven, have you seen Conrad?” You ask.

“Um, he was downstairs just a bit ago.”

“Oh.” you said.

You couldn’t help noticing the way Belly’s head turned when you mentioned Conrad. “I've got to, um get my hairbrush i think i left it in the living room, i'll be right back” you said standing up and getting out of the door. Belly’s eyes following your body as you close the door behind you.

Once you’re downstairs you see Conrad. He has his feet in the pool and he’s smoking. A habit he’s been feeding into way too much in your opinion. You walk out and sit next to him.

“Hey.”

You said. You and Conrad were always so different. You were this combination that just worked perfectly. But this summer it has been so different.

“Hey.” he says back. Not trying to continue the conversation.

“So.. are you going to Nicole's thing, you know with us?” You said turning your face to face his side profile. He looked so beautiful. His blue eyes shining as the moon reflected on them.

“Yeah, just for a bit though” The last part made you curious. Conrad Fisher was someone who couldn’t resist a hell of a good party and for some reason this summer he was so out of touch with everyone and everything, and you’d be lying if you said that it didn’t hurt you the way he’s been brushing you and everyone he loves, away.

“Well, I don't think you should leave the party early.” You turned your body to the front and looked up to the moon. It was a full moon tonight. As you were looking up, Conrad was staring at you the whole time. His eyes focused on the way your lips looked so good with that maroon lipstick you had on. How that eyeshadow that you were wearing made your eyes pop up. In his eyes, you looked like the moon.

“You know I read somewhere that on full moon days, you have 63% to meet your soulmate.” As you said that, you turned to look back at him and noticed how he was staring at you. His lips formed a half smirk.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah!” You said chuckling and the two of you laughed when you heard someone walking into you guys direction. It was Belly. She looked at you and Conrad together and took a heavy breath.

“We’re leaving so..” Conrad took his feet out of the pool and put on his sandals and without even turning to you, he followed Belly out. It was always like this with Conrad, some days you and him would have a connection but then he was reminded that belly existed.

All of you guys arrived, the place was absolutely packed. Quickly you guys separated. Belly was with Nicole and her friends and you tagged along since, you really didn't know anyone from this scene.

All the time your eyes scanned the room for Conrad. You saw him. He was with a brunette girl with dark brown eyes. She was wearing a green dress with some very cute sandals. In a way the girl he was talking to, reminded you of Belly. In your head you surmised that since she looks so much like Belly he would probably date her.

To get your head off him, you started talking to this guy, you couldn’t even remember his name all you knew was that both of you were in a very intense make out session and that you could definitely taste straight up tequila in his mouth. You opened your eyes and Conrad was looking at you as he took a sip of his beer. He quickly looked away, and that’s it. You couldn’t keep your tongue down this random dude's throat. You stopped him and told him that you were going to the bathroom. You cleaned the smushed lipstick from the sides of your lips.

You knew Conrad and you were never meant to be. But sometimes you don't understand. Were you the only one who felt the sparks whenever your eyes would lock in crowded rooms? You got out of the bathroom and you decided, since this night was kinda sucking and you couldn’t get your mind off Conrad, to get drunk as fuck.

To help me loosen up. You told yourself.

It was one drink, after another. You were having the time of your life. Dancing and talking to people. You were the best thing at this party. You were dancing to every song that came on. Until you saw something in the corner of your eye.

Conrad and Belly were talking. And usually you wouldn’t give that much thought into it, you knew they’ve known each other since they were babies. But this wasn’t a normal conversation. Conrad was leaning into the wall and Belly was laughing at whatever the hell he was saying. He whispered something in her ear and when he backed up Belly leaned in and kissed him.

Your heart dropped to your stomach. Your mind was traveling to so many places you didn’t even know what to do. You were sweaty, and drunk and now completely heartbroken. You passed in front of them. You made eye contact with both of them.

“Fuck you.” You said to Conrad.

And to Belly, you couldn’t even say anything. It was like the words just got stuck on your throat and couldn’t get out of there. So you just looked at her and got the hell out of there. You didn’t have a ride. So, you went to the beach and sat on the sand.

You hated that the only thought you had was to get in the water and scream and drown just to see Conrad running and say the one thing you’ve been wanting. Which was that he loved you.

But he didn’t. So you sat there. And sunk your feet in the sand and didn’t call anyone. Not your mother, or any friend. Just you and the ocean thinking. It 's over now.

[marshmallowprotection]

Thank you Kait for the previous post! Honestly it baffled me a lot as well when I come across that kind of people. Saeran/MC will never be codependent in my eyes when this phone call literally exists on day 10 of his route. We're not even going through the AE yet. That's right people. He actually knows and learning how to make decision for himself/what he feels right instead of following other people's choices 😩😩

People want to believe what they want to believe, and at the end of the day, I don't want to waste my time or energy trying to convince other people that Saeran/MC isn't what they think it is.

If they don't see the way Ray Route and the RAE is setting up the clear narrative foils between V/Rika and Saeran/MC to show the differences between an unhealthy relationship where two people are obsessed with the idea of the other and run with that and a healthy one between troubled people who're trying their best to make sense of the world together and by themselves, I don't know if they will.

I'm not saying Mystic Messenger does the very best job at explaining many of these themes narratively, but I am saying if you read what's in front of you and think about it, the answers are there and it doesn't hide itself from you. If you're looking, you can see it.

However, I know a lot of people don't understand the complexities that exist between V and Rika, either. I get it, I know why people are fast to hate them for justifiable reasons, but if you don't understand the dynamics of their relationship, you gloss over a huge part of the story when it comes to what the game is exploring with Saeran and MC. I'm not telling people to care about V or Rika when I say that, I am saying that if you want to talk about toxic codependency, then your answer is V/Rika.

Maybe I have an easier time understanding the dynamic between V/Rika because there have been times where I've been like Jihyun, and that uncomfortable mirror has helped me become a better person. I am grateful to Jihyun for that. Someone wrote in my tags yesterday that V and Rika aren't about who is the perfect victim or the perfect abuser, they're two unhealthy people who are trying to cling to each other to cope in the most toxic way imaginable.

Neither of them will ever be wholly innocent as their actions hurt each other other and many of the people around them. Could we argue semantics on who did something "worse?" Yeah, you could argue that up and down because there's layers to the things both Rika and V have done. But the core of their relationship is built on unhealthy codependency. They cling to each other and as long as they do that, they'll continue to burn like a wildfire.

It's not healthy.

Jihyun even acknowledged how unhealthy it was in the RAE for him to shelter Rika. It's that awareness he has that makes me upset with him, because he'll destroy himself to keep his promise, and in doing so, destroys everyone around him because of it. Sometimes, you've got to understand that your dependency on another person isn't the healthiest thing. You have to make boundaries and start working on getting away from that dynamic, or you need to go and straight up leave.

Saeran and MC do not act and react to situations in the Good Ending the same way that Rika and V react and act to situations that they're thrust into. Saeran and MC are partners, they work together, confide in each other and make decisions based on trust. But, what they do is not based on what the other wants.

Your image shows that.

MC: Would you stop working with them if I asked you to stop? Saeran: To tell you the truth, no, I'll continue on. If it was before, I would've done what you told me to do, but, I want to persuade you now.

V and Rika don't communicate like that. V "shelters" Rika from what she has to face even though he knows it's wrong because he feels like that is the only way to prove he is giving 1000% of his life to ensure his mother didn't die for "nothing". Rika leans into the obsession she holds for Jihyun, continuing to view him as a God who will save her from her devil, even though she knows, deep down, he can't save her from her nightmares.

God. They drive me up a wall all the time but they are the ones we need to look at if we're going to talk about characters who have an unhealthy attachment to each other.

[septembersghost]

As a WOC I get some of the critiques for Taylor but based on the timing of all this, it does feel sometimes like I’m being used as an excuse to say every filthy thing possible about Taylor. It’s okay to give her a little grace. And the other thing I’ve noticed is even pre that guy people were already being terrible about Taylor the minute Joe was gone. So it kind of makes me feel terrible for her that she really needs a relationship for people to treat her a bit better.

i hear you, you do not deserve to be used as a shield or a prop for people whose central intent is to bash her just because they hate her in general. that's not uplifting or amplifying you, nor anyone.

it's related to why i've been so upset that people are calling m*tty a n*zi - criticize him, criticize his gross and bigoted actions, but the moment they start to misuse very heavy terms like that, terms that have significant meaning, then any rational argument and criticism loses all its weight, and they're making the situation worse. (i wrote a long post about this a couple of weeks ago and then made it private because i was afraid of being attacked on here, which in and of itself speaks to how toxic the conversation had gotten, where we couldn't even speak up and explain why certain parts of it had become harmful).

anyway, the people doing this, talking over woc or other marginalized fans, using inflammatory rhetoric, they don't actually care that any of us were hurt or concerned, they only want the excuse to hate her. it's not fair that anybody should be used to further that toxicity rather than being centered as a person, and it's wrong to see our identities fractured and wielded to tear her apart when that's so far away from what we were trying to talk about when this started. it's very clear to me now how much of this was driven by people who were anxiously awaiting the day they could attack again, to swarm at blood in the water. the vile things being brought back up and said with no hesitation about her, the people openly hoping for her to come to harm, i wouldn't trust a single one of them to truly care if we needed them, you know? because they have done nothing but exhibit a complete dearth of empathy, and vicious enjoyment at ripping a woman to shreds. the impact that all the old accusations have had, all the cruel and sexist press we thought we'd moved past, was just lingering beneath the surface waiting to be pulled up again. i find it very disturbing and unpleasant.

it also makes legitimate criticism difficult because everything always reaches this tipping point, where it goes from rational and thoughtful discussion to unfiltered vitriol. how do we find a balance where we can fairly say, this is why this is upsetting and needs to be taken into account, when everyone ends up turning it into hyperbolic rage like, this person is a disgusting evil narcissist untalented slut and i hope she dies. those are nowhere near the same universe of a conversation!

"it kind of makes me feel terrible for her that she really needs a relationship for people to treat her a bit better." and have you noticed how people define her completely by the man she's with? i said this to a friend, but anyone who believes that sleeping with a dirtbag has ruined her forever is outright perpetuating the most old-fashioned kind of puritanical shaming, where women are judged and seen as tainted because of men. it's awful, it's a really awful mentality to see still happening!

and yeah, it started brewing the moment she and joe broke up. that is not to say she has handled all of this well, there have been a lot of missteps, bad choices, and bad optics, and some of that is probably directly because of the fact that she's struggling with a destabilizing change in her life. we can understand that while not excusing all of it. people are rarely black and white, and this situation has been complicated. disappointment doesn't mean not showing someone any compassion at all. "It’s okay to give her a little grace." i completely agree, and thank you for saying that, you are obviously a kind and thoughtful person. <3 i hope you've been doing okay.

[childlikegoblinqueen]

Writing Notes

I have ONE more chapter planned before I go on vacation but I am sooooooo spent from the last one I wrote. I have a bit of the next chapter mapped out and know where I want it to end, but I feel like I need to unload a bit about the last one, how I wrote it and why I head canon Bard Hunter.

Don't read anymore unless you have read Chapter 26 of Sweet Child O' Mine, and if you haven't read it yet, check it out :D It nearly killed me.

Spoilers below!

First, Why Bard Hunter? I will write another post later on regarding writing the actual fight scene and how music choices played into it.

So, while Hunter was in the Human Realm we pretty much see that he is creative. The sewing has been often noted as a way for Hunter to stay "close to Darius" since his "father figure" is far away and/or possibly dead, but he goes beyond learning how to "neatly sew".

After Camila shows Hunter how to use the sewing machine, he creates! His shirts and curtains etc. are chaotic! Patches every where! Very grunge/punk! We know that in the castle he had expressed curiosity which was constantly stamped out because he had a purpose and a path that he was not supposed to stray from or else ....

So being a music person myself I imagined that all the children would need MUSIC in order to heal fro their trauma, and there are likely a slew of popular bands/artists from the BI, but I would imagine that Hunter had not been permitted anything but whatever was Belos approved, which coming from a Puritan, was likely not great. Maybe some somber hymns to the Titan or to the emperor himself? Especially since Belos seemed to want to mold the grimwalkers into his ideal version of Caleb ("better version of an old frend". What an ass thing to say about a literal child!)

It has also been noted by some that when Raine seems to look back at Hunter during the scene in the castle where Hunter is ignored by the other Coven Heads, Raine seems low key concerned that this kid needs to get out of that place.

I do hope that Raine survives WAD. Part of my inspiration for Raine teaching Hunter how to mold Bard music is that not only are they both creative, but they are also the only two that have been possessed by Belos. In writing this scene and building their relationship, I thought about a simple way two people with shared trauma could communicate and heel without actually talking about the trauma. Music is perfect for that.

Eventually we will see how Hunter uses music to communicate in other ways, but we've already seen how he and Willow play a game where they try to guess the band and song based on a small portion of lyrics. They communicate non-verbally, but Willow realizes that Hunter is deeply depressed living with Darius, while living through the trials and dealing with the press. Likely Hunter doesn't realize this himself. Willow notes that Hunter is only playing while using Nirvana lyrics and having lived with him for months in the human realm, she’s aware that he listens to Nirvana when he’s depressed. Really, he's going through the motions and trying to appease someone he looks up to.

A lot of this story is about Hunter's own anxieties about becoming a parent, as well as the figures in his life who have parented him for better or for worse -- as well as parental figures like Odalia who are toxic, and Alador who knows that he messed up.

That was a flashback to the past. In the current timeline we know that Hunter and Willow have developed a healthy romantic relationship. He has strong bonds to his adoptive family of Camila, Luz, and Vee (his guitar belonged to Manny). He enjoys a good relationship with others in the Owl House universe. He has accomplished a lot, but prefers to stay out of the spotlight due to many things that took place both during his tenure in the castle and how he was treated by the public in the aftermath.

The thread about Perry's supposed protege, who alerted Hunter to other students trying to exploit a relationship with him during his first weeks at Hexside will be picked up again. I really try to leave bread crumbs without revealing too much upfront.

We also know that Dell has mentored him in palisman carving, and that he has somehow developed a healthy working relationship with Lilith who still works at the Supernatural History Museum.

I would hope that post Belos, the idea of "the savage ages" and "wild magic is evil" is a thing of the past as would be tracks at Hexside. So having Raine -- again being the only other one who hopefully survived possession -- teach Hunter to use the guitar he was gifted from his chosen family (Camila, Luz, and Vee) to generate magic was something I wanted to explore!

Which leads me to writing that dang scene.

[linkspooky]

TOJI AND MAKI

The parallels between the two outcasts of the zenin clan have already been pointed out plenty of times in canon, for example they're both incredibly buff. However, I thought I would take a deeer look at both characters, as they share both a role as the abused child that destroys the system that created them, and the same fatal flaw.

1. The Child Who is Not Embraced by the Village Will Burn it Down to Feel its Warmth

"The Ones who Walk Away from Omelas" is a 1973 work of short philosophical fiction, about a summer festival in the utopian ity of OMelas, whose prosperity depends on the perpetual misery of a single child. The idea is written around the idea of the scapegoat, a reoccurring trope in stories where someone innocent is blamed, or outcast for the mistakes of other characters.

All of this to say that both Maki and Toji represent the archetype of the scapegoats of their generation. Just like the child of Omelas, all of the problems in the Zenin household are blamed on one child.

This is something Ogi does to Maki directly, and also Naoya recognizes that the other members of the clan did to Toji. They were unable to face their own inferiority, so they blamed it on a scapegoat. Ogi blames his failure to become the head of the clan on his children. The entire clan is unable to recognize Toji's strength, because it would make them question their traditionally held notions of strength, Toji requires the use of weapons and can fight without cursed techniques, which means the cursed techniques they were born with don't make them inherently better with other people.

This is also related to Gojo's criticisms of Jujutsu Society at large, of which the Zenin Household is a very toxic microcosm of. Gojo's critique is that the previous generation will sacrifice the lives of the younger generation, to maintain their power, and in the name of pointless tradition. In the Zenin family "tradition" is the idea that inherited curse technique determines a person's worth.

Their entire system is built around one, keeping cursed techniques in the clan, and two, passing down inherited curse techniques from father to child. Which would go farther to explain the treatment of women by the clan, but we're not getting into that this time. Basically, the "peace" and the "superiority" of the household are built on the idea of marking and scapegoating an outsider, that is anyone who doesn't fit in with the clan's traditions. "If you are not of the Zenin Clan you are not a sorcerer, and if you are not a sorcerer then you are not even Human". That quote alone should explain how Maki and Toji were both treated as subhuman 'monkeys' by everyone around them.

However, the story shows us by both Toji and Maki snapping how terrible these abusive power structures are. One person cannot handle all of that alone, so they snap. Of course they snap. It's not a sign of who Toji and Maki are as people, but rather how no one deserves to be treated that way. A major reocurring theme in Jujutsu Kaisen is no one person alone, can take responsibility for everything, not even Gojo who is the strongest can save everyone he wants to save or be responsible for all of society he needs allies too. Toji, and Maki without allies, they snap and lash out against the same abusive power structure that created them. They are so thoroughly othered by everyone around them, that they embrace their own inhumanity, Maki becomes a weapon bent on killing her family even murdering her own mother, and Toji outright calls himself a monkey.

This is also why Toji is referred to as the "destroyer of destinies" there are two reasons for this. One, Gege is making a thematic point here. The abusive system built on othering and excluding children among other things doesn't actually provide the stability it promises. The center does not hold. The abuse of the system perpetuates and only leads to more destruction. Toji's outcasting isn't something that just hurt Toji alone, everyone felt the consequences of it because the abusive system proliferates and only causes further destruction. The second reason is a Jungian idea on which the story is based on. Toji himself is much like a curse created by the actions of his entire family. If Mahito is created from the fear humans have for each other and acts as the shadow of humanity representing their dark side, Toji metaphorically represents the combined shadow and dark side of the zenin clan. In Watch Man, Rorsarch monologues about how the accumulated filth of all of the abuses that happen in the city will one day rise up and affect everyone.

"This city is afraid of me, I have seen it's true face. The streets are extended gutters and the gutters are full of blood and when the drains finally scab over, all the vermin will drown. The accumulated filth of all their sex and murder will form up about their waists and all the whores and politicians will look up and shout save us and I'll look down and whisper no."

This is expressing the same Jungian idea, a society that ignores these problems will only cause the muck to rise up further and further until it affects everyone. The Zenin clan was a microcosm for the abuses of Jujutsu Society as a whole, they weren't the only ones affected by their abuse because abuse perpetuates. They endured it until they snapped and then acted out that abuse. The Jungian idea put forth is that this sort of reckoning was always going to happen, as long as the Zenin clan continues to create these outcasts in order to hold themselves up as superior, another Toji will happen.

2. Love is the Worst Curse of Them All

Toji and Maki also share the same flaw as people. Their abuse revolved around the idea of outcasting them from the rest of the family, othering them, continually putting them down and also most likely not even doing the job of raising them as children or providing them with the help they needed. We don't see much of it, but in the databook apparently Toji regularly had cursed spirits sicked on him to mock him, and Maki was locked in the cursed spirit room as punishment.

This taught them not only do they need to be strong on their own, but also in order to prove themselves they both thought they needed to be stronger than anyone else in the clan. Toji left Jujutsu Society as a whole, whereas Maki just left the house, both of them with the motivation of proving themselves stronger than the people who looked down on them.

This strong sense of individualism is their greatest strength, and also their weakness, as the situation is more complicated than being stronger than a bully. Maki and Toji are made to feel alone because of their abuse, however, neither Maki nor Toji suffer their abuse alone.

Mai was abused right alongside Maki, they were both outcasts due to being twins. There's no point in arguing which one of them had it worse, because Ogi was perfectly willing to kill both daughters right alongside each other. Maki does and doesn't remember that Mai is right alongside her in her abuse, it's... a bit complicated.

I mention this because Makiaated reason why is that she would have hated herself if she stayed inside that household with Maki. She put pursuit of becoming a stronger sorcerer above her relationship with her sister.

Maki later states "I can't create a place where Mai would feel like she belongs". I don't believe that was always her intention from the start that she secretly left the household for Mai's sake, and wanted to get stronger to create a place where Mai belongs, because Maki's always been really clear she was doing it for her own sake. I think rather after the loss she suffered in Shibuya, and also the fight she had with her sister in the school met, that she came to change her mind and realized she wasn't just in this alone. She changed her mind, that she wanted to be together with Mai, but she didn't change it in time and tragedy struck.

I mention this because Maki and Toji both share the same tragic flaw. Both of them have no idea how to be close even to the people they love, so they end up pushing away the ones they love the most. Maki continually shows behavior of pushing away Mai, and in Toji's case he does everything he can to try to show himself he doesn't love his son.

Maki continually pushes away her sister Mai. Mai reacts to getting pushed away in a not-so-healthy way. Toji full on deadbeats his son. He doesn't raise him or participate in his life to the point where Megumi can't remember his face or name at all. Toji did everything he could to try to give Megumi to someone else, anyone else other than him and avoided his responsibility as a father.

It doesn't come from malice on Toji and Maki's part, but rather it's a less savory aspect of their abuse. Both Toji and Maki believe themselves to be worthless, and that they can't be accepted or loved. They've internalized the way the clan has treated them. They are so isolated that this comes out in how they treated their closest loved ones, their response is to always push them away and isolate themselves further. Toji narrates this, he chose to throw his son aside because he wanted to affirm himself and prove that he was better than Jujutsu Society. Maki says to Mai that she left the house and left Mai because staying would have meant hating herself.

They are both trying desperately to prove themselves as individually strong, to the point where loving anyone else, or even requiring that love from someone is a weakness. They prove they are strong by avoiding the vulnerability of loving someone else. Toji and Maki both try to separate themselves from their heart in order to become even more physically stronger. For Toji his heart was his son Megumi who he did everything to distance himself, forgetting his name, selling him to the Zenin clan, while at the same time paradoxically believing that he was somehow protecting Megumi and arranging for things that would have been better than Toji just stepping up as a father and taking care of him.

At the same time Maki pushes Mai away when Mai does not want that, and believes that also she can return to the clan and make it a safe place for her sister by being individually stronger than everyone else.

They both approach their loved ones this way, because they were taught that one, they are unworthy of love, and they choose to try to get stronger by throwing away anything that might make them vulnerable.

TWhich is why Maki breaks so hard, and lashes out at everyone when Mai is gone, because Maki believed that keeping Mai separate from herself and protecting her was her way of showing love.

However, Mai and Megumi are like... people. They're people entirely separate from Maki and Toji and also affected by their actions. Megumi was neglected his entire lives, whereas Mai didn't get to have a relationship with her sister and felt like she was worthless and only holding her sister back. This is the central idea of Toji and Maki's abuse narrative, that abuse is complicated, and abuse proliferates and hurts people you don't even intend for it to hurt. It has consequences. Megumi suffers the consequences of the Zenin family's abuse because it turned Toji into such an unfit and emotionally immature father. Mai was being abused alongside Maki, and even ended up dying from her abuser's hand as her father Ogi beat her half to death and locked her in a room. Now, as a consequence Maki is lashing out at everything around her. That's also why the connection between Toji and Maki is drawn, to show that as long as the abusive institution still stands, it's just going to keep creating more outcasts like Toji and Maki.

[bigteefsmallbrain]

General Soul Eater HCs please

Soul Eater: General headcanons

Death the Kid:

He’s an art critic

Hear me out

He is obsessed with symmetry, and loves the beauty in it

So when he sees something non-symmetrical, especially in art, he can’t help but to critique it

May go as far as to send a personal letter to the artist (If they’re alive) about how offensive it is that they created something so asymmetrical

If he can’t send a letter to the artist, he’ll send one to the owner/museum and request it be taken down, while listing reasons why it’s horrible.

Anything he writes has an even amount of letters and words

Be that his test answers

Essays

Letters

Diary entry

Speaking of diary entries, he definitely has one

But it’s actually just a catalogue of symmetrical things he’s seen

He puts photos into it and writes about how beautiful it was to see

He doesn’t care what it is much, just that it was beautiful

Meaning he takes photos of people too

Which can be unnerving at times

He’s probably taken a photography class before, or at the very least is self taught

Literally has a photo album of things he views are beautiful, but non symmetrical and he would die if anyone found it

Like a particular sunset with uneven hills

Or a flower with one too many petals

Definitely has an 8 ball, not a magic one, just an 8 ball, it’s placed on a velvet pillow in his room and he frequently polishes it

Elizabeth Thompson:

Makes several backup plans as a way to cope

Especially after dealing with an experience with a ghost

She has notebooks full of them, labeled and detailed

At one point she started putting them in alphabetical order but stopped immediately when she realized Kid’s perfectionist habits were rubbing off on her

She practices acting in the mirror

Usually so she can charm a man into dating her

But also to con people

She used to be a “Street rat” and that thought of ending up on the streets again constantly plagues her mind

She takes full advantage of the “Rich life”

Shopping sprees

Quality makeup

Salons and spa days

The works

She lets Patty’s thought that she knows everything get to her head

The fact alone that her sister believes in her that much is enough to make her a bit egotistical

And Patty’s admiration for the girl makes it ten times worse

She literally doesn’t care if she ends up being wrong because she’ll just be right next time anyways

So stubborn in that aspect

Patricia Thompson:

She likes dark humor

You can’t convince me otherwise, you actually can’t, I have evidence

She made an origami Giraffe, and broke its neck

Laughed when Kid said he “wants to die”

She literally pokes him with a stick when he’s depressed

She likes dark humor, and probably looks up jokes to tell others just for kicks

She’s secretly sadistic, and likes scaring her sister and others

She may act naïve and innocent, but she is anything but

She definitely has, more than once, banged on Liz’s door at 3AM just to hear her sister squeal like a little girl

Honestly, she probably purposefully gets their pose wrong, just to see her sisters annoyance and laugh when Kid gets smacked

She likes origami

Probably first got into it because of the paper ninja stars

Then just found it relaxing

She most likely makes the ninja stars mostly, and keeps a box of her origami creations somewhere

Has in the past, and will not hesitate to do so again, beat someone up for kicks or just to destress

Patty has two faces, the childlike innocent one, and the insane anger one

So it’s not too far fetched to say that she’ll hide her anger till she can corner someone alone and beat them up

Or that she gets bored and decides to do so

I wouldn’t be too surprised if her sister occasionally joined as well

Maka Albarn:

She’s a Harry Potter nerd and you can’t convince me otherwise

She loves the concept of magic

Loves the dynamic between Ron and Hermione, though feels a bit of Deja vu thinking about it

Probably used to write fanfiction, but in a way that made it seem like it was actually part of the story

She will hit you if you mention it

Definitely the type to compare books to their movie counterparts

Not in like, a critic way, but she will definitely rant about the differences, or how a character looks exactly like she imagined, or if they didn’t put in a particular scene she liked in the book

Forces Soul into movie nights, but it’s only the movie counterparts to her books

I can see her forcing everyone into a group study session

Be super organized about it, and setting it up in a way so that no one can refuse

She probably has specific ways for everyone to study

Like having Black☆Star work out while studying so he retains the knowledge better

Or setting up the session in a symmetrical way so Kid doesn’t freak out about it

She writes letters to her mom, as a coping mechanism for when her emotions get to be a little too much

Like when she’s having a bad day

Or if she’s particularly peeved at something Soul did

She writes a lot more letters when it comes around the time of her mom's birthday or death anniversary

She likes the thought of an old timey romance, and often listens to songs that give off that kind of feel

She really likes “It’s Been a Long, Long Time”, it’s one of her favorites

She also likes the old Disney songs, like “Once Upon a Dream” and “So This Is Love”

She would be so embarrassed if anyone found out though, especially if it was her dad or Soul

She isn’t quite sure why she’s so worried about Soul finding out though

Speaking of, she half realizes, half doesn’t with anyone's romantic feelings, including her own

She’ll fantasize about getting a love letter or having someone present her with a bouquet of roses

But if it actually happens she’s like “Oh, thanks friend!”

She knows the behaviors, she just can’t put two and two together

They would have to be extremely blunt, no over dramatic confession, just “I’m in love with you and want to be romantically involved with you”

She reads dictionaries for fun

She really likes to read out of date dictionaries, just to see what words and slang existed back then

She also highlights words she likes and uses them frequently on accident

She has most definitely yelled “I have cupid’s kettlebells*! I’m not flat!” at Soul before

Soul Evans:

Bottles. Up. His. Emotions.

He’s influenced by “toxic masculinity” and fully believes that being vulnerable in a serious way “isn’t cool”

He will bottle everything up so deep down inside that it seems impossible for it to surface

Feelings of inferiority to others? Bottled

Want to cry or break down? Nope, gotta be cool

Started crying in front of someone and can’t stop? He’s not crying, you’re clearly blind

Speaking of crying, once he starts, and I mean genuinely starts, it’s so hard to get him to calm down, and even then the tears don’t stop

Sometimes he’ll start to freak out and send himself into a panic attack because the tears just won’t stop

He’s that influenced by the thought of being vulnerable

On a lighter note, he does adore playing the piano, but the only person he’ll play for is Maka

He swears it’s not favoritism, and it’s partially true, but favoritism does play a large role in it

He frequently drags Maka to his room to show her a new piece he put together

And if he notices her feeling a little down that day, he’ll start playing a song that he knows she likes

He definitely knows about her love for old timey romance songs and is very embarrassed to admit a lot of the pieces he constructs are based off of that

The walls are p a p e r t h i n , he can hear her music through the walls

He secretly finds it adorable when he catches her listening to it because she’ll be dancing around to it

He also frequently finds himself thinking about those moments

He’s the stereotype that parents tell little girls about, with how boys will bully their crush

He’s a lot more playful and easy going, but still teases Maka, so much

Unlike Maka, he’s fully aware of his feelings, and acknowledges them, but bottles it up, only letting himself entertain the thought every once in a while

He jabs at Maka’s lack of “Cupids Kettlebells” as a way to try and ensure she won’t fall for him, because he doesn’t know what he’ll do if she does

He reads the same dictionaries that Maka does, not for fun, but so he can know just what the actual h e l l she’s saying

More than once he’s had to look up a particular word or phrase online because he can’t find it in the dictionary

“What the hell? It’s an old Victorian saying!? Where does she keep finding this stuff!?”

Subconsciously, as time goes on, he starts using old phrases as well, he was so embarrassed the first time he got caught saying “Keep your idle daddles* off of her!” when defending someone from a perv.

Black☆Star:

Is so unbelievably selfish with food

It’s not even funny

He will stab someone if they reach for his food

He surprisingly eats healthy most of the time though?

Says something like “I have to otherwise I’ll never surpass the gods!”

The only person who could ever p o s s i b l y steal his food is Tsubaki, but even that’s pushing it

He has the weirdest dreams, and I mean weird

Dreams like being turned into a potato and being cooked, mashed, and devoured by Tsubaki herself

He didn’t talk to her for a week after that dream, and refused to eat potatoes for a full year because “You never know if it could be a person turned into a potato!”

He was also very offended when Tsubaki ate potatoes during that time period

He takes things very literally

Like up above, if someone does something in a dream, he acts like it was real

Or if someone makes a joke about fighting, he will drag them outside to fight

He’s secretly scared of Tsubaki

But it’s for literally the stupidest reason

And he fully believes that because of it she could fight god and win

She used to have a pet cockroach

One of the flying ones

And he is so unbelievably scared of them, because for some reason they just don’t die, and they have w i n g s

So the fact she owned one as a pet scares him so bad even though it was literally for only a week

He has a soft spot for children

He doesn’t really know why

He just does

Is secretly really good with kids

Literally the definition of dad material

He has his flaws but still

Little kids are the only people who could steal his food and get away with it

Every. Time. and it makes the others so mad

Tsubaki Nakatsukasa:

What can I say, she’s perfect

She probably receives love letters

Reads them over when she’s feeling sad

Likes to keep them in a shoebox she painted

She definitely paints to unwind and relax

Likes to go outside and paint the sunrise/sunset

Takes note of beautiful scenery so she can come back in her free time and paint it

She probably draws/sketches too

Carries a sketchbook with her

More than likely has drawn Black☆Star doing something

Like napping or training

She’d never show him though, too scared of inflating his ego or giving him the wrong idea

Stress bakes/cooks

We know she cooks

Liz took advantage of it and pretended Tsubaki’s cooking was her own

So we know she does

Sometimes painting/drawing doesn’t cut it

So she heads to the kitchen and bakes away her worries and unwinds

The main reason Tsubaki would possibly be spared from Black☆Star’s stabbing habit with food is because she cooks all the meals

She makes sure everyone is comfortable around her

She’ll go as far as to learn someone's customs and practice cooking their unique cuisine just to make sure that they feel comfortable and safe in her presence

She radiates mom friend energy

She’s perfect mom material, perfect wife material, perfect in general honestly

*Cupid's Kettlebells is a old term for a woman's bust

*Idle daddles is a old term for hands

I Hope you like these general headcanons for the main seven! You didn’t say which characters you’d like to see, so I played it safe by putting the main characters! Thank you for the ask!

[craftingmylife]

I didn’t wanna clean when she wanted me to,

I didn’t wanna give her love how she wanted me to

I saw that we being together was holding us back,

I became cold, I started to get angrier and angrier because it didn’t seem like she really wanted my best as I wanted her. She kept playing mind games, her arguments started making less sense, like she just wanted to win at all times. I didn’t understand why she would treat me like I’m her enemy, I tried to mold myself so she wouldn’t be mad but at random times she would just explote at me, she said she loved me but I started to believe it less and less because she was taking away my independence.. she would ask me that she wanted me to introduce new ideas or activities but she never wanted to do what I wanted to do, and I was always there to do what she wanted to do. It made me feel alone.

Now looking back I realize that all this was is an adult dating an immature person. She could never meet my ideals but I somehow was supposed to always meet her.

I broke up with her several times but it wasn’t cuz I didn’t love her it’s because it was growing too toxic and too depended and I cared deeply for her to the point that I would neglect how I feel and what i needed to make sure she was not hurt by my actions but that wasn’t the solution.

Yes I was cold and I didn’t meet her needs,

But my needs weren’t met either. I wanted to build with her and I sacrificed so much for her even my health.

I am such a softie tho because even tho I understand the depth and how she wanna make it seem like I hurt her so badly, I never once lied. I always told the truth and everything she agreed with.

Trust me I get it we are all humans we all feel pain but your pain can’t be because another person is not doing what you want them to, but I can assure you if I had being heard I would have never become cold towards her or anyone. My mental health declined because of this relationship I developed OCD, and I mean BAD OCD.. not her fault maybe? But all the toxicity that I had to absorb.

At the end of the day in me eyes I changed for worse due to her hidden patterns and behaviors that then affected her. She showed a lot of love but her actions made me feel other wise. As years passed I saw a lot of dark stuff happening that really made me feel like we needed to distance ourselves from each other to truly grow.

I am angry because she did so many mind tricks which is funny cuz all girls do this stuff..

At the end of the day bro fuck it, I wanna help the world be a better place and I’m actually working at it. If that doesn’t speak waves I don’t know nor I care who will. I do what i do for the universe and I’m not out here trying to hurt peoples feeling based on whatever is it that they perceive. Tbh hopefully she finds what she is looking for, but I know for a fact that it will be extremely hard to find someone like me that is willing to tell the truth even when I’m losing everything in exchange. I tell the truth for their benefits never for mine. 🤞🏼😌

Thanks to god and the universe and devil for all the ladies I’ve meet and are not part of my life that truly show me what a person that has dept of emotion is like. I never felt so loved in my life. I’m also living my dream, many females loving me at once, and being okay with that and all of us being free, and of harm.

[algumaideia]

The ableism in the Acotar series

I was thinking about all the problematic aspects of the Acotar books, and I realized that they are pretty ableist. I don’t know if someone have already talked about it, but just in case I’ll do it. But before I start, I need to say some things:

1. I haven’t read the series for a while, and I don’t remember some stuff. So, I might write something that is wrong.

2. I’m not disabled myself. This post is based on my research about disabilities and how disabled people are represented in the media. I have a lot of interest in the subject, and I also researched about it because I’m writing a story with several disabled characters. I also did a school project about assistive technologies.

3. English is not my mother language and I’m still learning it. There are gonna be spelling and grammar mistakes. I’m sorry about it, but it is life.

4. I haven’t read the acosf book, so maybe SJM changed the story or some character in this book and therefore my post will be incorrect.

5. Besides the fact that I consider Emerie to be disabled, I won’t talk about her in the post. Because as I said I didn’t read acosf and I think that her appearance in the acofas has the same purpose that the other female Illyrians (since Idk how to write Illyrians this will be write wrong in the entire post, I’m sorry).

6. I forget the name of some characters and I don’t want to search it, so I’ll just give them new names.

Now let’s begin.

I’ll analyze the following characters in this post: Papa Acheron, Lucien, Cassian and Ianthe, the woman from the library and the female Illyrians, the female creature from the forest, the Illyrian soldiers that came back from the war and the girl who couldn’t fly. I think I forgot someone, but patience. In the end of the post I’ll talk about disabilities, ableism and worldbuilding.

I also would like to say that almost all her characters got their disability as a punishment, and the problem with this is that it always links disability with something bad.

Papa Acheron:

As I said Papa Acheron got his disability as a punishment, since he didn’t pay his debts, some people went in this house and broke his leg. I might be wrong, but I think that it didn’t healed well and because of that he has chronic pain. So, to better analyze him I’ll compare him to two other characters with chronic pain, Kaz Brekker and Melissa, one of my main characters.

Papa Acheron became useless after he became disabled. He thought he was useless and by extension Feyre thought it too. I’m not saying that internalized ableism doesn’t exist, but the narrative never calls it out. Feyre accepts this excuse, it is kind of implied that if he weren’t disabled, he would be able to help his family and get money. Now let’s look to Kaz (I haven’t read the second book of the duology, please no spoilers). He accepts his disability, not only that but he uses his cane as one of his symbols. He goes against the idea that a disabled person is stuck with a cane or a wheelchair or whatever. He feels free with his cane. Now, this doesn’t mean that every disabled character needs to feel okay with his disability. My character, Melissa, feels a lot of anger because of her chronic pain. It hurts her, it disrupts her plans, it makes her suffer. However, it didn’t stop her to live her life and she also is not seeking anyone’s pity, which is very different from the Papa Acheron situation. Mel has friends, a social life, she studies, she will have a job, she will date, get married and have children. She doesn’t feel mad because she is disabled, she is also autistic, and she loves that part of herself. What bothers her is that her disability makes her feels a lot of pain. Papa Acheron is just someone to you feel bad and angry about. He doesn’t do anything because he is disabled and believes that this makes his useless and the narrative kind of agrees with him.

Lucien:

Lucien doesn’t have one eye, and that’s what makes him disabled. He became disabled as a punishment for falling in love with a lesser fae and not only that, but he is only without his mechanic/magic eye when he is on his worse. He was without his eye when his family was torturing and banishing him. And then when he was UTM. Again, disability being connected with bad things. Now about his mechanic eye. The first time that Feyre describes his eye she says it is creepy. Which is bad. But also, why it had to be magic and give him the ability to see spells or something like that (this was never brought back btw)? Why can’t he have a normal mechanical eye? Why he needs a mechanical eye? Why does his mechanical eye need to compensate the fact he is disabled? He is as much complete with and without his eye.

Cassin and Ianthe:

I put this two together for one reason, their disabilities were cured. I’ll talk about Cassian first. When they invaded Hybrein (I also don’t know how to write the name of the country) they hurt his wings badly. And considering that to Illyrians the wings are as much a limb as an arm or a leg, he was disabled for a while. (I’m aware that to something be considered a disability it needs to be long lasting. But I think that the fact that it was cured is ableist, if I’m not wrong the text said it was a miracle he was healed.)Then we had Cassian in the floor with his wings all damaged, suffering a lot, what a horrible scene. But don’t worry! The next time he’ll appear completely cured, because being disabled is such a horrible thing and SJM never used deus ex machina to save her characters. So, this injured made him disabled for a while, and it could be interesting. The wings are the Illyrian symbol, the symbol of their toxic masculinity and their sexism. Cassian being disabled because of his wings would make him revalue his culture and his own idea of masculinity and it would be so amazing. But he was cured. I think that this makes Cassian falls in the disabled for one day trope. Just like Ianthe. First the way she became disabled was disgusting. Feyre invading her mind was such a horrible thing to do. I’m not denying that Ianthe is a terrible person/fae but that doesn’t change the fact that it was a horrible scene. I really dislike characters with telepathic powers, because for me their powers are crossing a line. They invade and control someone’s mind. They take off the person free will. They basically turn the person in a robot. If I remember correctly when Feyre made Ianthe broke her hand it was with the purpose to make it useless. And when she appeared again in all her glory she was, surprise, surprise, cured.

The woman from the library and the female Illyrians:

I put they together because their disabilities are used for the same two purposes. The first is that they became disabled as a punishment for being female, and the second it to show how FEMINIST Rhysand is. He isn’t feminist, so all these women suffered for nothing. Again, disability being linked with bad things. The symbol of the female Illyrians suffering is they becoming disabled. NOT GOOD AT ALL. About the woman from the library, she was there to also show how good Feyre is. She is there so we can feel pity of her. She didn’t deserve it.

The female creature who couldn’t see:

My problem with her is that it is implied/said that she has better senses because she is blind. And that’s not how it works?? People just pay more attention in what they hear, touch or smell when they are blind/visually impaired.

The girl who couldn’t fly:

I'm gonna call her Anna. First Anna is like the only character who just have a disability. No trauma, no war, no punishment. She just has. Then she is a great disabled character, right? Wrong. She has inspirational porn written all over her story. She is there to make Feyre feel better about herself and make other abled people/fae feel inspired. She is there so we can say: ohhh poor thing, but at least she overcame her disability and now can fly. So ableist. Anna is also only valued after proving herself useful. That is wrong. Disabled people should be valued because they are people. They don’t need to be amazing in anything to be treated with respect.

The Illyrian soldiers:

My problem with them is how their disability is used to reinforce sexism and make Cassian and Rhysand feel bad. But what about the Illyrian soldiers? How are they feeling? It seems this is not important. They also bother me because of worldbuilding questions.

Disabilities, ableism and worldbuilding:

First, why humans and fae feel the same about disabled people? Feyre has the same opinion the IC have. And the humans and fae were separated for 500 years. This doesn’t make sense. Every court think the same thing about disabled fae? Does something change if the disabled fae is a lesser or a higher fae? It should make a difference. A real world example of how social class affects the way disabled people are treated: the first school for deaf people created only taught children of the nobles.

And why the way people look to disabled fae didn’t change after the war? What about the assistive technology? You know what, it is unrealistic the fact that we don’t have any assistive technology in this world. But this happen in the antient times, how could there be any assistive technology? First, assistive technology is everything that helps a disabled person, a cane, a screen reader, a scooter. Everything can be an assistive technology. Second, assistive technologies exist since the antiente times. One of the oldest prothesis were found in a mummy. There is a painting of Hephaestus using a wheelchair. And considering that this series happens in what was supposed to be the Middle ages, it was supposed to have assistive technologies. Wheelchairs during this time were heavy and the user couldn’t use it by himself, but they existed. There are records of a king using a wheelchair during the middle ages. And I mean with the war something was supposed to change. The first place to blind people in the France was created because 300 soldiers came back from the crusades without their eyes. It was in the century 20 that disabled people started to be more included in the society. And one of the reasons were the soldiers that came back from WW1 and WW2 disabled. Not only that but in war times the technology improves, so a lot of new assistive technologies and materials were created during this time. The first record of guide dogs comes from 1819 in school in Vienna, but it didn’t work. Only after WW1 that guide dogs appeared again. And you know with what purpose? Help veterans that were blind due to the war. Braille was a system used for the French army during battles. Louis Braille only made it simpler. The war should change something.

Why is the world ableist?  The excuse that this is an antient society doesn’t work my friend. The Egypt was a very including country. Blind people could be part of any social class. Dwarfs were part of the society since they had a dwarf god. In antient Japan blind people were expected to be independent. They could work with music, religion, telling stories etc. And the work of telling stories was very important since it made the Japanese tradition to continue. The excuse that this is an antient society is just this, an excuse. Now she could have used to say something. Leigh Bardugo used the ableism of her world to criticize the ableism of our world. I’m doing the same thing with my story. SJM made an ableist world just because.

That was my analysis. I’m sorry this was very long. I know this was a little confusing, but it was very difficult to put all the stuff that was in my mind in text. In my mind everythig made sense, but when I was writing it I realized I wasn’t following a logical argument. If that makes sense. Anyway, thank you for reading it.

If you read the books and realized I wrote something wrong, please tell me. If you are disabled and think I said something offensive, I’d love to hear you. If you are non-disabled and want to comment and give your opinion, feel free. And if you don’t want to comment, don’t do it. You can do whatever you want.

Best regards,

Me.

Ps. This is my first post in Tumblr, so I don’t know if I tagged it right, if you want to help, I would be really grateful.

[kaitycole]

Love Two: the hard love

Summary: Miya Atsumu is an adventure and a half which is exciting for you after a mundane high school relationship. But what price has to be paid in order for you to be in his world?

Parings: Atsumu x Reader

Word Count: 7187 (my apologies)

Warnings: Angst. Toxic relationship tropes. Toxic behaviors. Slight physical violence (towards the end - it’s a wrist grab and a slap). Adult language.

Rating: 16+

A/N: This series is based on an article that talks about how in live, most of us experience three types of love. I’ll link the article in the series master post for anyone who wants to read it!

Golden yellow hair.

Chocolate brown eyes.

Burnt cinnamon cologne.

These images burn into your mind as tears sting your dry eyes. You swallow hard, trying to get the lump in your throat to dislodge but it only reminds you of how dry your throat is, how sore it is from screaming. Your head lays heavy on your pillow, a dull ache wraps around your head and you aren’t sure if it’s from the alcohol or the crying you’ve done over the last three days.

You two had a fight, another fight, the same old fight. You screamed, he brushed it off, leaving in a rush and slamming the door while you slid down the doorframe, sobbing. You thought that you’d be used to this, the constant up and downs that came with loving Miya Atsumu, the rollercoaster of emotions that came with the cycle of being together, breaking up and then getting back together. You’d been doing it for three years now, on and off again, but never being off for long before he dragged you back into his arms, not that you ever refused.

Your head hangs to the side as you slowly push yourself off the floor, your body too tired after fighting to climb into your bed the night before. For a moment you consider crawling down the hall before your pride takes over as you stand up, legs stiff but wobbly at the same time as your feet drag you to the couch in the living room. You aren’t sure what time it is, your eyes slowly adjusting to the large amount of sunlight coming into the apartment, the apartment he surprised you with and you had loved, now it felt like a prison.

Your phone starts buzzing and when you look, there’s several notifications from your two best friends Kaneko Yua and Higashi Naoki. You shuffle to the kitchen, grabbing a cup as you perch your phone between your shoulder and cheek, filling you cup with tap water.

“Y/N! Where are you?” Yua’s voice is too loud for the linger ache in your head, you jerk the phone from your ear to turn the volume down.

You chug down the ice-cold water that does nothing to remove the dryness from your mouth or throat, it’s as if it’s been coated in a thick layer of cotton. “Apartment.”

She’s silent for a minute, you can hear her mumbling to someone next to her. There’s a muffled sound coming from her end before a new voice comes through the line, fresh tears prick your eyes when you recognize it’s Naoki.

“We’re coming over, don’t leave.”

*                      * Three years ago

Your high school days had been filled with volleyball matches, practices, tournaments and while you have no ill feelings towards the sport or the boy who brought it into your life, you just hoped university would broaden your horizons.

Yet here you stood at a MSBY Fan Greet, your younger brother all but vibrating with excitement as he waited to get his overprice photograph signed by his favorite team. You previously made plans to hang-out with Yua over the spring break, but since your parents both couldn’t take him, your brother guilted you with the  “but I miss hanging out with you” card and puppy dog eyes.

“For you.” His accent coats his words, passing you small folded piece of paper before your brother makes his way down the line to the next player for an autograph, tugging at your pants for you to follow his lead.

** “Wanna get something from the vending machine before the next class?” Yua asks. Kaneko Yua became your friend when you both started university last year, the two of you quickly became the best of friends even though the only interests you share is in your shared Art History major.

“I’m done for the day.” You tilt your head, smiling right before you stick your tongue out at her.

She throws her head back, groaning as you continue to walk, “how’d you get such a good schedule.”

“Told you to take those early morning classes.” You wink before running into her as she suddenly stops. “Yua-ch—”

Golden yellow hair and a cocky smile catch your attention as he leans against a flash sports car in the library parking lot. Yua looks at you, her eyes wide, you had mentioned that you got his number a few weeks ago to her, but that nothing but short conversation came from the exchange which only lasted a few days.

“Y/N!” He calls out to you, obnoxiously waving one arm up in the air to catch your attention, it does, along with the rest of the student body that’s outside.

He starts walking over to you and Yua, pulling off his sunglasses you see that dark chocolate eyes that captured your (e/c) ones just weeks ago. Your heart is thumping against your chest as he quickly closes that gap that has been between you, a short arm’s distance away from him. You can smell his cologne, it’s a strong smell, something similar to burnt cinnamon being carried by the wind the circles around you.

Yua looks at you for answers but you couldn’t give her any if you even tried. You find yourself swallowed whole by his dark eyes, feeling like you’re about to sink. “M-Miya-san?”

“Atsumu.” He smirks, “sorry for just showing up. I was in the neighborhood and thought we could go get something to eat. You aren’t busy, are you?”

“No, she’s not.” Yua nudges your arm, bringing you back to reality, “she’s actually all finished for the day.”

“What do you say? Will you come with me?” He reaches out his hand and you almost immediately take it and maybe you should’ve been more cautious, after all this wasn’t like it was in high school.

** The first few months with Atsumu are blissful, perfect and you start to wonder if this is what you were missing back with Ushijima. Every day with Atsumu is an adventure, you never know what to expect which is a sharp contrast to that same day everyday feeling you had back in high school. He keeps you on your toes and you love it, you eat it up, spending all your free time with him and it shows when you get back a test with a failing mark.

“Budding romances aren’t the most important thing in life, Y/N.” Your professor speaks low when he places the paper on the desk, he doesn’t have to tell you how he feels about it, disappointment drips from his words.

Atsumu didn’t offer much help on the subject either, simply shrugging at it and telling you that there’s always the next test. “Let’s go out.” “I really should study, ‘Tsumu.” You tilt your head back to look up at him, he’s sitting on the couch behind you.

He says your name, dragging out each syllable, “it’s the last night I can. I have an away game that I leave for on Friday.”

“You didn’t tell me that.” “Must have forgot.” He looks down at his phone, “coming or not?”

You know that you shouldn’t have gone, that studying is more important, but him leaving meant that you’d be apart for the first time and he had that lopsided pout on his face, so you agree. Grabbing your jacket and following him out the door as he drapes an arm around you, “I can always count on you.”

*                      * Two years and four months ago

“I’m gonna kill him!” Yua shouts as she walks into your dorm room. She practically ran from her part-time job in the library to your dorm when you called her, unable to talk from crying so loudly. While she took the elevator up to your room, she managed to see the text explaining the cause of your distress and is fuming.

“You’ll…go…to jail.” You finally manage to spit out, the sobs and hiccups breaking up your words as you wipe your running nose on your sweatshirt sleeve. Usually Yua would scold you, telling you just how disgusting that it, but tonight she just sits next to you, letting you lean on her shoulder.

She gently rubs your arm as she wraps an arm around you, pulling you closer to her side, “maybe I’ll key that fancy car of his.”

“I think it’s his brother’s.”

“Deflate his balls!”

“Yua!”

“Volleyballs, get your head out of the gutter.” She smiles when you let out a small laugh. She leans her head down on yours and you are thankful that you’re close enough for the silence to be comfortable, for certain things to be left unsaid.

*                      * Two years and two months ago

The next few weeks seem to drag by, each day seemingly longer than the last. Yua has all but moved into your dorm, refusing to leave your side for more than the duration of classes. With her there, you realize even more that your phone hasn’t gone off, there’s no surge of messages coming through from a certain setter. Things take a bit of a turn when you hear a nearby conversation, two girls gushing about some famous model getting into a relationship to a volleyball player.

But it’s that said volleyball player’s name that anchors your feet to the ground, that name that echoes in your ears while your lungs struggle to take in the air you want to force into them.

Miya Atsumu

Yua essentially banned the use of his name or anything related to him into your life and for better or worse you’ve both manage to uphold it, especially seeing how with his newest brand deal, his face is everywhere just like Michael Jordan’s was in the U.S. during the 90’s. Somehow, you manage to avoid it, until now when your body seems to act on its own and you’re sudden reading several headlines confirming the match.

*                      * Two years ago

“Are you sure you’ll be okay alone?” Yua looks at you, worry etched on her expression, “I don’t have to go to this guest speaking event.”

“Yua, you’ve been talking about this for weeks, you’re going.”

“Promise to call if you need me to come back? I’m only going to Tokyo, so I can get back within three hours.”

“Yes, yes, I promise.” You make a “shoo” gesture with your hand, walking towards her as she picks up her back to leave. You pull her into a quick hug, reassuring her that everything will be fine for one weekend.

** You let out a dramatic sigh, towel drying your hair as you walk out of the bathroom and towards your bed.

8PM on a Friday and I’m getting ready for bed, lame.

You’re slipping on a pair of fuzzy socks when the music you’ve been playing gets interrupted by a phone call. Within much thought, assuming it’s Yua, you answer, only to stop in your tracks when a familiar and husky voice calls your name.

“Y/N!” Each syllable of your name is drawn out with a slight lag, a telltale sign that he’s intoxicated.

If Yua was there, she would tell you to just hang up and block the number, that you had been doing better lately and should just let someone else deal with it, but Yua isn’t there and you feel that it must mean something if you had been the one he called.  Drunken words are sober thoughts, right?

His drunken voice and repeated plea of your name is enough to melt you, enough to make you throw all rational thought out the window, quickly throwing on a hoodie, rushing to the address he barely slurred out.

Fortunately, the restaurant he is at isn’t too far from your dorm, however it is embarrassing when you walk in and could hear him across the room, shouting for you.

“Atsumu.”

He quickly turns to you, that sloppy grin of his piercing you in the heart as he stumbles over to throw his arms around you. The scent of alcohol hits you before he does, leaving you to wonder just how much he’s had as you stagger backwards a bit before steadying the both of you. You just barely get the both of you to a cab, his constant swaying challenging you until you’re able to shove him in the vehicle, hesitating when asked where they were taking you. You didn’t know where he was staying these days, you still weren’t sure what he was doing in Kyoko, so you settle for the only address you know to go.

** “Are you serious?” Yua shouts, all but pulling out her hair.

Three weeks. That’s how long Atsumu had been back in your life and how long your best friend had been in the dark about it. You wanted to tell her about the night Atsumu called drunk, but felt it was best to do it in person since it was such a touchy subject, but when she got back, she was still so excited about the speaker and to tell you about it, you lost your nerve.

Then as the days continued to go by, you kept coming up with a reason not to tell her. What you weren’t expecting was her for to just show up out of the blue or for a fresh out of the shower Atsumu to answer the door. You felt confrontation coming and that was something you weren’t a huge fan of.

“I know it looks bad, but I can explain.”

Yua shakes her head, her lips in a straight line, foot tapping on the tile flooring. “This is why you’ve been cutting classes and missing assignments.”

“I don’t see how this is your business at all.” Atsumu glances over at Yua, an amused smirk on his lips, “jealousy doesn’t suit you, sweetheart.”

Yua turns abruptly on her heel, storming out of the dorm room and when you grab her arm, there’s tears in her eyes when she turns to face you.

“He’s changed, Yua.” There’s such a hopeful look on your face, an expression that screams that you actually believe him.

She drags her arm across her eyes, wiping away the tears, “why can’t you see he’s not good for you!”

*                      * 1 year and 10 months ago

The shuffling of your peers is lost on you, motionlessly staying in your seat as all of those around you practically bolt out after the 55 minutes long public speaking class. Your eyes are trained on the board in front of you but the notebook on your desk is unopened, your pen still capped.

It takes a few moments for you to notice the weight of the hand on your shoulder and the back and forth motion it's pushing you in. Shaking your head, you snap out of whatever daze you’ve been in and look over to see Naoki with a concerned expression on his face.

“Do you need to see the nurse?”

You shake your head, “oh, no. I was just thinking.”

He raises an eyebrow at the quick smile you throw his way before he sighs, giving into your excuse, even after only knowing each other a few months, Naoki knew when to just let things go.

“Good morn—You aren’t Yua.” You stopped your greeting when you noticed the shuffling at the chair next to you wasn’t Yua but someone you’d never seen before.

“Oh no, sorry. I’m Higashi Naoki, I just transferred here.” He gave you a big bright smile, extending his hand out.

“Uh, oh, hello.” You felt embarrassment creep up the back of your neck as you awkwardly shook his hand. Luckily your phone vibrated, allowing you to focus your attention to something else other than the rather attractive brunette sitting next to you.

You read the words on the screen, somewhat understood the meaning of them but your mind kept going back to the warm orange brown eyes that looked at you with such kindness. They reminded you of the way you felt back in high school, the way that Ushijima made sure you always felt: safe.

To your surprise, Yua had already met Naoki, they shared the glass before this one and Yua was actually excited that you two had ended up meeting. After that, the three of you were fast friends, almost as if you had all been friends for years rather than just several weeks. But not everyone was excited for your new friendship and he had no problem being very vocal about it.

Atsumu wasn’t keen on the friendship when he randomly showed up to the campus one day, seeing the two of you sitting outside, laughing. You had to run after him, he took off without letting you even introduce Naoki, trying to tell him that he was just a friend, but Atsumu seemed to already have his mind made up on what was what.

A week later, after not hearing from Atsumu you got a message from him telling you that he needed to dedicate himself more to his team, his career and being in a relationship with you just wasn’t it.

“You can copy my notes during lunch, Y/N.”

“Thanks, Nao-chan!” You smile up at him while shoving your things into your backpack. He clears his throat, blush spreading across his cheeks as he turns away from you.

** Professor A: Missing Assignments

Professor B: Make-up Test Notice

Professor C: Mandatory Advisor Meeting

XMail: Unread Messages (12)

You feel a pit in your stomach, not wanting to read the emails, already knowing the disappointed messages they held. You hadn’t been your best self lately especially when it came to your studies and had several unfinished assignments and 0’s in the gradebook. It wasn’t like this was the first time you and Atsumu had been broken up but for some reason, each time felt worse than the previous time.

Leaning back, you let out a deep sigh as you glance around at the boxes that liter the room. After you and Atsumu broke up the most recent time, Yua managed to convince you to move into her off-campus apartment. At first you didn’t like the idea, not wanting to be a burden to her or cause anyone to think anything of her with you living with her, but she wouldn’t heard anything but yes. She told you that she had the space (her parents insisted on getting her a two bedroom even though it was just her) and it was easier for her to keep an eye on you.

There are still some things that are in boxes, mostly things from Atsumu that you didn’t want to toss out, but didn’t think should be on display either. Plus, with all the catching up you had to do, there wasn’t much time for anything else especially with the schedule that Yua had made for you. The two of you shared most classes, so she had all the notes and study guides you needed and to be honest, it helped keep your mind off a certain MSBY setter.

BZZT!

Nao-chan: I’m heading up, let me in! (1:42PM)

A smile spreads across your face, pushing yourself from the desk and quickly slipping out of your room and towards the door. By the time you open it, you see him walking up the hallway and he flashes you his signature smile when his eyes meet yours.

“Nao-chan!” You crash into him, wrapping him into a hug, one that he returns effortlessly.

“What have I done to get such a warm welcome?”

“I can’t just miss you?” You tilt your head when you look up at him, stepping away from him to look him in the eye. You hold back a laugh when you see his face turn red, turning his face away from you before mumbling something along the lines of “yeah, no, that’s fine.”

You bring back two cups of juice (Yua refused to let soda into the apartment) and notice that Naoki seems to be nervous, wringing his hands together and looking down at the ground which is different that he usually acts.

“Nao-chan, what’s wrong?”

“Oh, uhm, well I wanted to ask you something.” He makes eye contact with you and you nod for him to continue, “I bought these and thought we could go together.”

He pulls something out of the inside pocket of his jacket, passing it to you and for a second your blood runs cold, eyes scanning over the item picking up the word ‘volleyball’. By the warmth suddenly on your arm, you could tell that Naoki sensed your discomfort.

“Forget it, it was a dumb idea.”

“No! It’s not, it’s just…uhm…”

“I just thought that it might be a good way to get out of the apartment and it’s an Adlers’ game so maybe you’d seen your friend.”

You scrunch your brows together before looking back at the tickets. It was for a game between the Schweiden Adlers and Tachibana Red Falcons, a smile spread across your face, a mix of excitement to see Ushijima play again (his play style is still one of your favorites) but also that Naoki remembered these little facts about you.

“I’d love to go. I’ll call Ushijima and tell him we’ll be there!” You give him a quick hug, rushing to your room to get your phone, leaving a smiling Naoki behind.

** Naoki smiles watching you all but vibrate as you wait in line to go into the gym. The game had been all you talked about for the last two weeks, eager to get out of the apartment for anything other than classes or your on-campus job. You spent most of your free time telling Naoki just how amazing Ushijima is on the court and how he had already asked to meet Naoki, who seemed a bit nervous when you mentioned that.

“I didn’t know you liked watching volleyball, Nao-chan. Did you play in school?”

“Oh, uh no. The person I’m interested in likes it, so I thought I’d learn more about it.” He hands over the tickets, the two of you being ushered into to the building. His shoulder brushes yours due to the large amount of people all in the crowed hallway.

“I didn’t know you had your eye on someone! I’ll teach you all I know about volleyball so you can impress them!” You beam a huge smile at Naoki before your attention is pulled to the other side of the hallway. “Nao-chan! Let’s get t-shirts!”

He follows you as you drag him towards a table set up with shirts to memorialize the game. You intended to get matching ones, but due to size differences, you had a settle with a white shirt for you and a black on for Naoki. After you reluctantly let him pay, the two of you make your way to the gym, Ushijima had seats held for the two of you.

Once the whistle blew, you were back in your element, a huge smile on your face watching Ushijima command the court just like he had been for as long as you could remember. For the first time in years, you feel light and free, happier than you can remember being. Ushijima catches your eye at some point during the second set and you eagerly wave to him, giving him that same toothy grin you did as kids.

** “Toshi!” You barely give him time to turn around, running straight into him as you throw your arms around him, both Toshi and Naoki chuckle at the fact you managed to knock Toshi off balance for a few seconds.

“Y/N.” He pulls you into his broad chest and if you hadn’t known him for years, you wouldn’t believe that this tall and muscular man was the same boy who ran around with a watering can that was almost as big as him. “I’m glad you came today, it’s been a while.”

“Since high school.” You bite your lower lip and notice that Toshi squeezes your arm, a gesture he’d do to comfort you. He gives you a reassuring wink, letting you know that there’s no hard feelings about the past before he looks over at Naoki, “are you going to introduce me to your boyfriend?”

“Oh no! No, no, no.” You stumble over your words, frantically waving your hands around.

“I’m Higashi Naoki, nice to meet you.”

“Nao-chan is just a friend.”

Linking your arm with his, you look back at him and see his smile drop for a split second before it reappears while shaking hands with Ushijima but that quickly leaves your mind when you see a familiar poof of orange hair. But before you can take the time to figure out who he is, you hear an accent that you don’t think you’ll ever be able to forget.

“Just friends, huh?”

Your eyes widen in horror, immediately turning and seeing the familiar sight of golden yellow hair walking away from you.

“Y/N—” Naoki reaches out to grab your arm, but you’ve already started running after Atsumu, calling out his name as you rushed to catch up to him, weaving through the crowded hallways.

“Tsumu!” You finally grab ahold of his wrist, trying to pull him back but instead he just yanks you forward as he tries to get his arm away from you.

“Don’t call me that.” His tone is icy with an expression that matches, “why are you even here?”

“I came to see Tos—Ushijima.”

“I mean why are you here talking to me, you are clearly on a date with what’s his face.”

“Nao-chan? We’re just friends, it was just to get out of the apartment and have fun.” Your voice is trembling, bottom lip quivering listening to the harsh tone of his voice.

He scoffs, rolling his eyes, “you were all over him, just stop lying.”

“No! I wasn’t.” The tears you’ve been trying to hold back now slip down your cheeks, you couldn’t figure out why he was acting like this especially when you were broken up.

“I never thought you’d end up like all those other girls, just another pig wanting to date me for status.”

Your heart is pounding loudly in your ears that you don’t hear whatever else he mumbled before turning and walking away, your arm weakly reaches out to him before your knees hit the vinyl flooring. After several moments pass, you feel someone pull you up and wrap their arms around you, the familiar scent of men’s body wash washes over you.

“Thank you.” You choke out, the comforting embrace causing more tears to fall.

“Best friends forever, right?”

*                      * 1 year and 3 months ago

“Are people looking at me?”

“Huh?” Yua raises an eyebrow as she looks over at you.

“There’s a psychology term for that feeling, it’s called spotlight effect.” Naoki says, trying to reassure you that no one’s looking.

“No, I think she’s right.” Yua stretches an arm out in front of him, causing him to stop walking before you drop your backpack on the ground, shocked.

Atsumu is standing on campus, wearing a suit, carrying a stupidly large bouquet of flowers, going around asking where you are, all but shouting your name to the sky. Part of you wants to disappear, of course he’d choose to stand in the middle of campus, catching everyone’s attention.

You trip slightly over your bag, marching towards him, barely hearing Naoki calling after you before Atsumu’s attention snaps to you, his eyes locking in on yours.

“Y/N!” Gleefully, he scurries towards you, handing the bouquet to you, it’s heavier than you thought it’d be.

“Atsumu, what are you doing?”

“I want, no, I need to talk to you.” He drops down to his knees and you can hear the increase of hushed tones, you glance back to see a very confused Yua and Naoki wears a horrified expression. “I’d like to try again, please.”

“Atsumu…”

“I’m not leaving until you talk to me.”

“Okay, okay, just…please get up. People are staring.” You try to hide your face behind the flowers, the pure embarrassment causing your face to burn.

He pushes himself off the ground, grabbing your hand as he pulls you towards the faculty parking lot. It doesn’t feel like you are in your own body, your legs moving to keep up with him before he stops.

Once again, he drops down to his knees, grabbing your hands with his, pleading with you to listen to him, to believe that he really means it when he tells you that he’s changed, asking you for just one more shot. For most of his speech, you look at the top of his head, seeing that the golden yellow is being overtaken by his natural dark brown roots, your fingers twitch, wanting to run through his hair. It’s when you finally lock eyes with him that you see the tears that line them, a single one slipping down his cheek from the corner of his right eye.

“I shouldn’t have come.” He wipes his eyes, sniffling a bit. He squeezes your hands before he stands up, letting you go. “I’m sorry for doing this you.”

There’s no way to explain it, but he seems different and suddenly you want to see this new him, to be the one that gets to be part of this new and mature Atsumu. Throwing all your sense out the window, pushing the rational and logical voices of Yua and Naoki to the back of your head, you wrap your arms around him, pressing your face into his back and you can feel his heart pounding in his chest.

“Don’t go.”

*                      * 9 months ago

“Y/N! Door!”

Still in the process of buttoning your shirt, you poke your head out of your room, “I’m almost done, can you get it, please?”

Yua and Naoki share a look, when you had told them you decided to get back with Atsumu they weren’t shy about telling you how they were against it, that as your friend they hated seeing you so hurt, but they also told you that they weren’t just going to leave you either. It had been an unspoken rule that when it came to all things Atsumu (including opening the door) that they didn’t want to be part of it, for you to keep that part of your life away, unless he did something to hurt you.

Naoki reluctantly gets up, you can tell by the way he sluggishly walks his way towards the door. Dipping back into your room, you finish getting ready, grabbing your phone and sweater before pulling the door shut behind you.

You hear the door slam shut and look to see an irritated Naoki, “where’s Tsumu?” Naoki goes to speak, but you don’t give him a chance, instead just rush out of the apartment.

“Tsumu! Tsumu!” You shout out to him, barely catching his attention as he presses the button for the elevator. “Where are you going?”

He clenches his fist; the gesture catches your eye. “Home. I didn’t sign up to be humiliated tonight.” He looks at you, a type of rage in his eyes that you’ve never seen before and you aren’t sure what could’ve happened to make him so upset. Since he showed up on campus, begging for another chance eh always made sure to be open about his feelings.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. You have to tell me, Tsumu.”

“I just don’t like him being in your apartment.”

The elevator dings, doors opening and just as he goes to step into it, you pull back on his arm, pleading with him to stay, tears filling your eyes. He jerks his arm from your grip, not that you were holding on that tightly, and he steps into the elevator.

You aren’t sure why your relationship is like this, why it has so many ups and downs, why it hurts this much. You aren’t sure why being with Atsumu is so hard, why it feels like all you see is his back while he walks away from you, leaving you broken each time. In high school, you hated the almost boring way each day with Ushijima felt, but in this moment, you’d give anything for that because at least back then you felt safe and knew where you stood.

*                      * 5 months ago

For the last four months, Atsumu spoiled you rotten with daily gifts and elaborate dates. You received a flower a day, it was the flower of your birth month, boxes of your favorite candies, along with cards that had some romantic quote in them.

For dates, he takes you to the best restaurants, buys out move theatres, flies you to various parts of Japan to not only watch his games, but to show you around. When you’re together, he actually listens to you, takes his time to finally get to ask you about your upbringing, family, and where you see yourself in five years. He shows you how he’s remembered things you don’t like and even the things that you do and for the first time in the two plus years you’ve known him, it feels like things are starting to even out, that all the turmoil might just be over.

** “Do you like it?” His accent drips from his words, you’ve noticed the accent gets thicker when he’s either nervous or excited.

You glance around the empty apartment, a bit confused as why you’re standing in the middle of it. You thought that Yua apartment was big, considering it had two bedrooms, but this seems to be even bigger than hers. The large windows allow an abundance of natural light and you really do like that.

“It’s a really nice apartment.” You smile as he walks over to you, pulling you into his toned chest, his chin on your forehead.

“I’m glad, it’s yours.”

You pull back, shock written all over your expression, too many thoughts racing through your mind for you to form a sentence. Atsumu did a lot of crazy things, did a lot of spur of the moment things, but this, this really did top them all. “What?”

He shrugs, digging in his pocket before placing a key in your hand, he looks a bit scared to you. “It’s just…my lease was up and I know it’s a bit further from campus than Yua’s, but I was thinking you’d like to live here…with me.”

Without any hesitation, you throw your arms around Atsumu, repeatedly saying “yes” as you awkwardly bounced up and down. When you pull back, he cups your face in his hands, bringing you closer for a kiss.

You can’t stop smiling, eagerly nodding your head as Atsumu talks about furniture and getting your things boxed to be moved, not really hearing anything because all you can think of is that things are finally going to work out between the two of you and that’s why your heart is thumping against your chest.

*                      * 3 months ago

Two months.

8 weeks.

60.8 days.

That’s how long your relationship of bliss lasted, how long you saw the caring and loving version of Atsumu, the side of him that stole your heart even after months and years of back and forth, ups and down, on and off.

You hate it because things were going so well, everything was perfect, even better than how great things had been with Ushijima back in high school. What you hate even more is the fact that while you had been packing up your things, you said some not so nice things to Yua, telling her that she was wrong about him, that this time things were going to work out. You had all but bragged and even hit below the belt with saying she was just jealous that she didn’t have someone that loved her the way Atsumu loves you.

Nine times out of ten you’re alone in this apartment, your music on the highest volume isn’t loud enough to fill the silence that creeps through the rooms and wraps around you and when the silence gets to you, you’re forced to think about things you’d rather not. Like how right Yua had been, how Naoki was only looking out for you, how every time you got back together with Atsumu, it just seemed to hurt worse than the time before.

During that one time of ten that Atsumu is home, the two of you just fight, you fight about everything really; your classes, his games, your friends, his friends and now that you’re all but isolated from your friends, it just makes things worse. You’ve always hated comparing the two, Ushijima to Atsumu, knowing both relationships are/were different, but recently, you’ve wondered if repeating the same day over and over, if that almost suffocating comfort, you wonder if that would be easier to live with now when looked at next to the way your current relationship has been.

*                      * Atsumu flips his phone face down, muting it after it had begun to ring, turning his attention back to the movie the two of you were watching.

You scoff, pushing yourself off his side to lean against the other side of the sofa.

“Don’t start.”

“Start what? I was just getting more comfortable.”

“Cut the shit. You always do this.”

You roll your eyes, already irritated. “Did you want me to leave the room so you could call her back?”

“This is exactly what I’m talking about.” He pushes himself off the couch, shaking his head as he storms into the kitchen.

You reach across the couch, swiping his phone from the armrest, trying to get into it, but no surprise he’s once against changed the passcode. You’re fuming at this point, shoving yourself off the couch before you start to walk to your room. You were done, have been done with all of this.

His hand tightly wraps around your wrist and jerks you backwards towards him. He starts yelling, demanding that you give him back his phone and the anger in you takes over and you throw it across the room. You start to scream about how you’re done, you’re tired and don’t deserve to feel this miserable. He yells back telling you that he’s giving you things anyone would be thankful to have and you smack him with your free hand.

He freezes, dropping your wrist as he runs his fingers through his hair, the expression on his face is something you’ve never seen and without another word, he storms out of the apartment.

You didn’t see him for three weeks, if it hadn’t been for his teammates Hinata and Bokuto stopping by, you wouldn’t have known that he’s okay and has been staying with them. When he does come back, he has a long-winded apology and a large bouquet of flowers. He falls to his knees in the door way, telling you that he’s sorry, that he can’t believe his actions and that he swears that he’ll do better.

*                      * Present Day

When you open the door, Yua throws her arms around you, pulling you into a comforting embrace and you feel yourself start to sob again. She holds you up as your knees get weak, letting the exhaustion take over you as you inhale her familiar perfume.

Naoki slightly pushes by the two of you, angrily making his way through the apartment, brows scrunched into a scowl. You watch as he flings open every door, stomping through each room before he walks back to you, rage radiating off of him. “Where the fuck is he?”

You’re startled, panicking you look up at Yua who wraps her arm around your neck and pulls you back into her, your face pressing just below the top of her shoulder.

“Obviously not here, so chill out.”

She ushers you over to the couch, Naoki handing you the throw blanket to wrap around yourself as you finally catch your breath. You lean your head on the back of the couch, it just adds pressure to your headache, but you’re having a hard time opening up to your friends.

“How’d you know something was wrong?” You slowly lift your head up, looking between the two of them, your face turning red when you hear that you called Naoki repeatedly around 2AM, leaving incoherent voicemails where they only picked up on the words: fight, Atsumu and leave.

“I really think you should move back in with me.” Yua speaks with caution, knowing how sensitive the topic is.

You just nod, defeatedly. You’re more upset about failing to maintain the relationship than you are that the relationship is over. Part of you wants to know why you put yourself through so much to prove you could stay with him, was it because you didn’t want your previous break-up to mean nothing? That if you could make this one work then you weren’t an awful person for ending things with Ushijima for an almost comical reason?

“Just pack what you have to have and we’ll replace whatever you don’t bring and need, okay?” Naoki gives you a small smile before Yua stands up telling you that she’ll grab your things from the bathroom and Naoki can get the things throughout the living room.

Roughly half an hour later, you have most of the things you brought, minus any gifts that Atsumu gave you, but you can’t seem to step through the threshold. Yua and Naoki are standing in the hallway waiting, but you’re afraid to make the step because all of a sudden it symbolizing a bigger commitment that you intended. Once you step out of the apartment, once you shut the door and drop the key in the box, you’re officially shutting the Miya Atsumu chapter of your life and that shakes you to the core.

“Y/N, you’re going to be okay. We’re right here. I’m right here.” Naoki reaches out his hand and you decide to take that leap, grabbing on to his hand like a lifeline. Your knees are wobbly as you place one foot into the hallway, straddling the threshold. “C’mon, just one more step. I got you.”

You squeeze your eyes shut, frantically taking that last step before throwing your arms around Naoki, repeatedly saying “I did it!” He puts his hand on the back of your head, pressing you into him, telling you that he’s proud of you.

You take one last look into the apartment that for some reason now fills small, it feels different, like you no longer belong there and while you’re still terrified of letting go of the rope that ties you and Atsumu together, there’s something exhilarating about starting over. Your eyes are closed as you pull the door shut and when you turn and open them, you see proud smiles on both Yua and Naoki’s faces and you couldn’t help but be excited for this next chapter.

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[justanotherlifeff]

Hiii rae, hope you're doing well!! I wanted to ask you to write a bakugouxreader fic, where they date for like less than a year (9-10 months) in their senior year at highschool, then he had to leave for college, move to another city, while she's stuck taking a year off but destined to go to a smaller university that she can afford in a different city, even more far from him . Ohh and both the reader and baku has toxic aspects to their characters! Pls make it angstyyy. So, they decide to continue long distance bUT HE ends up cheating on her, but reader was set on believing he's the one and never really getting over him,he's moved on and in a happy relationship w his new gf, after a couple years down the road, they meet again and they somehow get back together...??

Sorry this was long af but PLEASE PLEASE WORK YOUR MAGICCC ♥️♥️ LOVE YOUR WORKKK

A/N: Okay, before writing this, I must ask, do you personally know me? Do I know you? Cause this actually happened to me two years back (except the part about getting back together cause haha he’s never gonna like me back). You even got the 9 month period right... You know what, I’m actually gonna make this ask an entire emotion dump cause this one is seriously personal. Also, I took some inspiration from ‘Dakoko Girl’.

Warning: Angst with a happy ending

With the exception of me, why does everything glow?

Everything I touch collapses in this imaginary world.

How many times have I rebuilt it?

You were in love with Bakugou Katsuki. No, it was far more than just love. Bakugou Katsuki was your only reason to live, your only drive to wake up every morning. All it took was 9 months to go there, to find that one person who never disappointed. The one person who was not going to leave. You were heartbroken in several occasions before dating Bakugou. Every person you met before him had their series of red flags. Bakugou Katsuki was, however, the epitome of perfection. You believed, that this little world you built around yourself and him will never be broken.

Hey, there in the world you were born,

What’s the flavor of your spent time?

Sweet? Spicy? Salty? Bitter? Or is it poisonous?

Bakugou had always been an independent person. Someone who had no time for feelings. That was until you showed up in his life. For someone who so strongly dealt with the world around you, being quirkless and yet getting into the support department of UA, you were unbelievingly weak for him. At the beginning, this was an ego boost. His girl loved him more than all his friend’s girlfriends combined. Yes, it was an ego boost till the potential drawbacks started showing up.

It started with the clinginess. You always worried about him. As a hero student, he had do be on field work for his internships. He had to be in dangerous places. Hell, his entire life was based on becoming a hero so could you just shut up for one second? The clinginess turned into suspicion as soon as he started getting more press attention, as soon as he started becoming a rising star. This only meant more women got into him, something you could not tolerate. That’s when the fights started.

The reflection is unnatural

Looks like a masquerade party

You were aware of Bakugou’s frustrations when it came to jealousy. You understood that he loved the attention. Of course he did, he’s Bakugou Katsuki after all. As the fights got worse, as your insecurities gradually increased, you decided to mask your emotions. Bakugou was more important to you than your emotions, you told yourself. The popularity, the attention, all the glory, they were all more important to Bakugou than you, you knew.

So quickly, quickly, it’s thinning out

Gently disappearing from the hole

Sweet...Faint...Pain...Is brimming over...

When Bakugou announced to you that he was going to study at UA University at Tokyo, you weren’t surprised. In fact, you were supportive. Despite your jealousy and insecurities, you loved him dearly and wanted him to be successful in achieving his dreams. You however, knew that this meant goodbye for quite a long time. Unlike him, you did you have rich parents. Even with a scholarship, UA university was impossible for you to go to. You two made plans, however, on him helping you afford an education at the prestigious university even if it meant he had to get a part time job besides his rather hectic schedule.

Even then, you had to be apart for an year since you were an year behind him due to repeating a class in the past. Things would work out, you both believed in the beginning. “I’ll never leave you” were the words that were said when you hugged him for the last time, saying goodbye. You were strong for him, not shedding a tear. You wanted to be happy for him and honestly, you were. Till a few months went by.

Everything I touch collapses at the end of this illusion

How many times have I rebuilt it?

As soon as I touch it, it collapses and disappears

The me from within myself

You felt as if your heart stopped when you heard Bakugou tell you that he slept over with a girl in his dorm room alone. What was this supposed to mean? How did he even think you will be okay with it? “Relax, (Y/N), nothing happened! We’re just friends!” he tried to explain when you got mad at him. After a fight that lasted for an entire week, after throwing a lot of hateful words and mind games from your part, something you grew to regret with time, you decided to make peace with him. That, however did not stop you from feeling that raging suspicion, that horrible gut feeling when it came to that girl.

I love, I love, I love...I want to know

I love, I love, I love...I’m in love

I love, I love, I love...I lost my love

This world is doomed

Bakugou had many flaws but he had always been an honest person at heart. At least till now. You had taken his many firsts. You were his first girlfriend, the first girl he had sex with, the first girl he ever fell in love with. At the beginning, he was determined to keep it that way. He was not the type to go back on promises. However, as soon as his new friend, the girl who he shared his room with, came into his life, he couldn’t help but feel a rather different form of excitement as soon as she started flirting with him. He found himself flirting back, making excuses to himself that he was just flirting for fun. He was, at the end of the day, in love with you...right?

It didn’t take long for him to find your suspicions suffocating. He felt as if he was already doing you a favor by being in this unhappy long distance relationship. Not to mention he was terribly sexually frustrated. That’s when, all the emotions you kept masking away came back as an explosion, as you asked him to choose between yourself or her. It took a shopping trip with said girl to make him finally crack and he ended up cheating on you. He chose her.

Right in-between heaven and earth

I’m there, floating quietly

Envying everyone around me

When he wanted to break up with you, you couldn’t help but beg him to stay. You couldn’t imagine a life without him. You did not know what to do if he left. When he took pity on you and continued with the relationship, you were overjoyed. You hoped that things would turn back to normal. Only, things just got worse. At one point, it seemed that he couldn’t tolerate your presence anymore. Anything you said were answered with yelling, anything you did was wrong to him. Your feelings simply did not matter to him.

Things only started getting worse from that point on. Bakugou couldn’t help but feel guilty about cheating on you every time you gave him that soft smile, every time you told him that you love him. This guilt took form of depression and anxiety and after having a full blown anxiety attack in front of you because of this relationship, you decided that you loved him enough to let him go. You just sat there silently, through him struggling to breathe as he talked about how he can’t tolerate you, tolerate whatever this you two had. “Let’s break up, Katsuki...” you found yourself replying when he was done, as tears rolled down your eyes.

Good afternoon! Good evening! Good morning!

“Nice to meet you!” Are things I’ve already heard

I want you to greet me differently than others

That you give me everything you have, only to me

After the break-up, things were bland. You kept trying to look for a replacement, someone to hold you, someone to bring all the pieces of you together. However, everyone you met seemed the same. They all had the same way of talking, the same intentions, the same reactions. At the beginning, it was annoying. It just made you feel exactly how much you missed Bakugou. There were red flags everywhere, hell, if Bakugou could do this to you, how on earth were you supposed to trust anyone else? How on earth can anyone possibly exceed Bakugou?

At this point, you decided to enjoy the attention you received for the time being. You liked the coddling no matter how simply predictable and bland it was. It made you feel important for that one second and you gobbled it up.

I can’t see anything that suffices

With the exception of me,

Why does everything glow?

As you kept seeing your friends find love, you wondered, what are you doing wrong? Why was no one ever good enough? Who were you supposed to blame for this? As you saw your own faults in your previous relationship with Bakugou, you told yourself that you knew exactly what happened. You told yourself that it was all because you weren’t good enough.

Is it fun? It’s fun!

Are you happy? I’m happy!

You are just like that, like everyone else

Let’s talk, what should we talk about?

You’re nervous, huh? You’re excited, huh?

Right now, I’m the happiest

I’m glad I met everyone

I’m not alone any longer

4 years passed and absolutely nothing changed. You learned to see through people and act based on it. To you, this life was nothing more and nothing less than a façade, where you had to pretend to be someone you’re not. You ended up becoming a top support item designer, one who only served high ranking pro heroes. Not to your surprise, eventually Pro Hero Dynamight’s assistant showed up at your office and asked you to permanently fix and alter his support equipment.

Dynamight and his girlfriend, the same girl he chose over you, had been on the news almost all the time since last year. They were the perfect power couple, her quirk complementing his perfectly. It made you wonder what could’ve been if you had her quirk. You honestly never got over him, the last person who knew you completely. No one ever ended up amounting to him which only led up to a string of many more failed relationships.

When Bakugou finally showed up at your office, you acted as professionally as possible. You were aware that he was happily in a relationship. Unlike his girlfriend, you were not cheap enough to meddle.

The reason behind the change in support company was simple. The support company that previously worked for Bakugou made a mistake while designing his costume and which ended up a fight where Bakugou injured himself severely by his own explosion, while his girlfriend stole the show instead.

While on the newspapers or on the television, they looked nothing short of a happy couple, in reality, that wasn’t the case. That one failed fight got Bakugou in the hospital for a month or so, while his girlfriend ended up stealing the spotlight from him. Like him, she was drawn to the attention, something that did not help with Bakugou’s inferiority complex. At one point, the spotlight meant more to her than Bakugou, something that made him realize what he put you through.

It didn’t take you long to figure out the internal problems between Bakugou and his girlfriend. You honestly couldn’t help but feel a sick satisfaction because of it, though you promised yourself that you wouldn’t act on it. That didn’t change the fact that a newly formed friendship bloomed between you and the angry blonde as you worked on his costume, with his small remarks on what exactly he wanted from the costume.

I beg for what I don’t have

For things that have been broken for who knows how long

The me seen in a dream

But being able to see it in a dream made me glad

It didn’t take long for both you and Bakugou to realize what you lacked from life. Bakugou lacked the confidence that you ended up giving him, even though it wasn’t always in a healthy way while you lacked the person who you loved more than life itself, Bakugou himself. You realized that you had in each other the thing you needed the most. Which is why, you found yourself be chosen by Bakugou at the end.