#best couple in the whole world
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They will forever be my OTP🤍
#chandler bing#monica geller#matthew perry#courtney cox#my otp#forever my OTP#friends#mondler#I love them#relationship goals#goals#best couple#best couple ever#I want what they had#my favorite couple#best couple in the whole world#my favorite people#i’m going to miss him so much#I’m going to miss this duo#completely heartbroken
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What It Is Like To Be Max Verstappen's Race Engineer | Talking Bull
#max verstappen#gianpiero lambiase#op#f1#my best friends in the whole world i ADORE them#old married couple AND brothers ... breaking barriers i guess
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✧ The Ardal stars ✧
#artists on tumblr#art#illustration#digital art#digital drawing#dnd#dungeons and dragons#homebrew#original art#my art#my ocs#Setting: Heim#I drew these a couple of years ago now i think#but since i'm drawing stuff for this setting again i'm reuploading with updated information cause the last one is outdated#I will say right off the bat however#If you compare my designs to already existing IPs i will block you on sight#the last time i posted these they got compared to a piece of media i really dislike#and that comment alone made me fall out of love with this setting for almost two years#so please. do not. it's rude and unnecessary#These are the artefacts my setting and its story is largely centered around#Tethry is credited with creating them (Even though he didn't)#They were gifted by Tethry to each of the largest cities in the world to serve as power generators supplying arcane power to the whole city#immediately pushing the four sister cities into prosperity and progress. leaving literally everyone else in the dust#which caused some understandable tension between countries that already had a bit of a strained relationship to begin with#There is SO MUCH to these little trinkets and their link to Tethry and how finding them essentially fucked up his whole entire life#You'd think becoming the world's most renowned arcanist would be the best thing that ever happened to an aspiring caster#but to some poor dude just trying to study arcane language. stumbling across the magical equivalent of the demon core#was very much not on his wishlist#especially not dealing with the consequences of trying to make sure no one actually realises how nasty they have the potential to be#which. someone inevitably does
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who’s the cutest couple and why is it them?
#my favorite couple in the whole wide world#i had better see them kissing in season two! or netflix gone have to answer some hard questions#richter’s a snowbunny i see . . .#i’ve literally rewatched their lil flirting scene a million times . . . ugh they’re so cute it’s insane#these belmont boys got the best taste!!!#꒰ rambles!#— (castlevania: nocturne!)#❥ richter!#❥ annette!#❥ richette!#annette castlevania#annette nocturne#richter belmont#richter annette#castlevania richter#richette
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ok stay with me here but: (loose) anastasia (1997) au
evan buckley: the missing, presumed dead, youngest child of the beloved/beloathed buckley family, all of whom were murdered when he was a kid—all except his older sister. except he’s alive, with the unfortunate downside of total amnesia, and nothing to tie him to anyone except a broken something that just reads: buck. so buck grows up alone, and it sucks, especially because it’s not all he’s ever known. he might not have his memories but he knows he's known what love is. home, love, family. there was once a time i must’ve had them too. home, love, family. i will never be complete until i find you.
maddie buckley: only daughter of the buckley family, fell in love with a bad man who tried to kill her whole family to get to her. got away and got safe. doesn’t know if doug’s alive. her brother’s probably dead. surviving’s not the same as living, and she’s been doing it for so long. but… have you heard… there’s a rumour in los angeles. she’s got the best and the brightest protecting her, and all that buckley family money. spreading them both thin could mean doug worming his way out of the woodwork but if there’s even a chance evan’s really out there? she’s already decided.
eddie diaz: conman, but more importantly, dad. there was a war, and then another one, and his wife left, and somewhere in there his parents took his kid from him. he does not have the money to fight them with lawyers, but he’s stubborn and not particularly respectful of the law and he’s heard that maddie buckley’s protective service team has means and money that allow for a) duking it out in court with his parents or b) getting his kid back in ways that are more uh legally grey. and it just so happens the rumours are that maddie buckley will do just about anything and pay just about any sum to find her long-lost brother. blond-haired, blue-eyed, missing at age 10—nearly two decades ago. he could look like anyone, now. sure, there’s the distinctive red birthmark over his eyebrow, but makeup and tattooing go a long way these days. oh, and conveniently, his partner in literal crime, however mild, has an old inside link with someone on maddie buckley’s bodyguard team. chim never shuts up about henrietta wilson—hen, he calls her—particularly when eddie’s fumbling a job and having to improvise and he feels the need to point out just how competent his previous partner steadfastly was.
if eddie and chim are holding illicit auditions for evan buckley lookalikes, and this massive beautiful man stumbles in apparently already having gone to the trouble of dressing for the part? who is eddie to look that gift horse in the mouth? the quicker they see this con through, the quicker he’s together with chris again.
except buck thinks eddie really believes he’s maddie buckley’s missing brother, and buck is warm and ridiculous and so genuinely curious about eddie’s own family, on this journey to find his own, and eddie can’t help but share christopher, and buck listens with bright eyes and holds the photographs so carefully in his big hands.
cons are never victimless, and eddie knows getting chris back takes priority over any moral quandary of identity theft here.
but buck asks about chris’s favourite things and stays up late on their crosscountry train to come up with plans for an accessible skateboard for a kid he’s never met. buck tells eddie he wonders if maddie’ll recognise him, and he hopes she does, because he’s never had anyone see him and know him before. buck asks eddie if he thinks they’ll stay friends, once they’re both reunited with their families. it’ll be nice not to have to miss anyone again, he tells eddie one night, quiet. missing who you don’t remember is one thing. missing who you know?
he trails off and falls asleep not long after, but eddie lies awake in the bunk below him for hours. his moral compass has always swung with whatever cognitive dissonance necessary to justify his actions because the final truth is: heart over mind. and chris has always been his whole heart. so falling in love with your mark has got to be the stupidest, most dangerous thing you can do.
even this is okay; he can handle breaking part of his own heart. but he didn’t realise he was holding so much of buck’s too, and now? he doesn’t know that he can survive breaking any of that.
#i rewatched anastasia yesterday after a couple years and uh. came home and wrote this down at 11pm.#it will prob never get written but oh it's so fun to imagine buckanastasia eddiedimitri#writing tag#wip#911#anyway. best movie in the whole entire world. invented romance#and oh the gender envy of a don bluth leading man........
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I'm so proud of myself about finances in the past couple months. I still struggle with money but I did enough meditation and journaling and practicing about it to make myself able to actually face my loans and credit cards and savings and bills and start really truly organizing and addressing them for the first time in years instead of just flying by the seat of my pants.
Like. This is a huge deal for me. I've felt like I'm in deadly danger every time I've tried to think about money for years and years. I'm finally able to look it in the face and stare it down and start to organize and plan on purpose instead of just keeping up with the minimum to stay afloat. I'm so proud of myself.
It's still a refrain of "GUILT (funny link)" every time I think about money but I'm able to actually make spreadsheets and face the numbers and monthly tracking again, and even make a new full budget which I haven't been able to do in ages.
still feel guilt, overwhelm, and helplessness, but no longer feel as much deep elemental shame and terror. that's progress baby
#we don't need to talk about how many months and months of therapy visits and doctor appointments I put on credit cards#among other things#but I had to put my foot down about it a couple months ago and shout at myself a little saying HEY#I AM SHAKING YOU BY THE SHOULDERS I AM SHOUTING FOR YOU TO HEAR#OF COURSE IT WAS A TERRIBLE FINANCIAL DECISION BUT YOU WEREN'T EVEN EXPECTING TO BE ALIVE#THE CREDIT CARD DEBT WAS NECESSARY TO KEEP YOU ALIVE AND IT DID AND EVERYTHING ELSE IS WAY LESS IMPORTANT THAN THAT#why the FUCK are you feeling SO ASHAMED for making the best decision you knew how to make at the time???#just because you know NOW that you could have tried some other options doesn't mean you did THEN#you may have known enough to feel shame and guilt yes but you would never in a million years have gotten the help you needed fast enough#by attempting to go another route#you didn't trust anyone besides a very few handfuls of people and even them it wasn't fully#and the stress of running it through parental insurance was so terrifying to you bc you didn't know what that would do#and you never had cosigners for anything your whole adult life. it's OKAY#you fucking DID YOUR BEST#YOU HAVE LEARNED. YOU HAVE MADE CHANGES. YOU HAVE ALREADY DONE BETTER#YOU WILL CONTINUE TO LEARN AND IMPROVE OVER TIME#it is not the end of the world. even the utilities sending you to debt collections etc etc#YOU ARE FIGURING IT OUT ONE PIECE AT A TIME#MORE PEOPLE ARE ASHAMED AND AFRAID OF THEIR OWN FINANCES THAN YOU THINK#if the people who fought and argued with and shamed you for considering student loans much less taking them out#had wanted you to actually be financially safer and healthier#they could have just fucking helped out or cosigned your loans or actively helped you find other solutions#instead of spending months and months telling you it was the worst decision ever and would ruin you financially for decades and such#you made the best decisions you could with the level of terror and knowledge that you had. it was enough to keep you alive.#isn't that enough?#isn't it a victory to survive?? isn't that enough??????#god i'm cringing at sharing this but if it's been this hard for me surely at LEAST one of you has also made financial mistakes or regrets#and seeing me be honest that I fucked it all up too and it's a mess and I'm just climbing back through it as best as I can as I go#will hopefully make at least one of you feel a tiny bit less alone
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Look, I understand the desire for a revolution. I do. And it’s possible I might be convinced that we need one, at some point. I am open to the idea that I might be wrong!
But…literal Marxist theory posits that the way you get to a communist society is by working your way through a democracy. That’s the first STEP. Then you move to democratic socialism, then socialism, then communism. Anything that moves us away from a democracy (as I’m concerned another Trump presidency would, that man wants to be a dictator so bad) is a step AWAY from a leftist agenda. Because sure, maybe you get your ‘glorious revolution’ if Trump is president because he literally makes living conditions so unbearable that it triggers widespread revolt but from a critical Marxist standpoint you’d be revolting to get back to a democracy so you can start at that step all over again! This is a big reason theorists posit socialism/communism in the Soviet Union fell apart; too big a change too quickly and skipping steps in between.
We also have to consider that getting to the point of full blown revolution would mean catastrophic levels of suffering for people with lower socioeconomic power—POC, the queer community, folks in poverty, people with disabilities, etc.
AND any US dictatorship or similar government has an entire industrial military complex to back it up. A successful revolution would necessitate either getting that military complex on board, in which case you often end up with a military dictatorship (you can imagine how well THAT goes) or beating it which…I’m sorry, even the entire civilian population of the US cannot do. The military is light years more advanced than it was in Marx’s time, rebellion is so so so so much more complicated. It also sets a precedent for violent exchanges of power that tend to set countries up for a decades/centuries long tailspin of military coups in which the people with the most gun power (again…usually not vulnerable groups) win control.
I’m not trying to be a fatalist, here. I actually think fatalism is a tool of the oppressor and we have to fight against it tooth and nail. I’m just trying to logic out what will happen if Kamala/Walz lose and Trump/Vance win. What does that really look like? What is the next step, the next outcome that will lead us to a better place? And I just cannot, for those reasons above, see a Trump presidency leading us anywhere good. That IS what we will get if people hold out on voting for Harris as a form of protest. I’m all for protest!!!!! But it needs to be in a different avenue, because you have to consider the real life repercussions not voting will have.
I mean, what are the options? What happens if people protest by not voting? (...this assumes you don't start from the position that Harris and Trump will be literally NO different in office, which, well, that's another post)
1. Harris wins regardless, but a signal is sent that people to the left aren’t appeased and democrats need to do more. How effective this would be in moving actual policy is debateable, and it also puts the moral onus/responsibility conveniently on others just so you can feel like your hands are clean while simultaneously risking a worse outcome. Not cool.
2. Trump wins. Far more likely because, as we saw in 2020, the country was nearly evenly split on Trump vs. Biden. Current polling shows more or less the same with Trump vs. Harris. If the left stays home, the likelihood Trump wins skyrockets. So, what happens next?
2.A. Trump wins, but the world doesn’t end. He doesn’t do anything too terribly awful. The left has ideally signaled they will only vote for a Dem if they are liberal enough. I seriously doubt Trump won’t do anything too terribly awful though—look at what his first presidency did!!! Look at Project 2025!!!!! So. Other option.
2.B. Trump wins and the world is on fire. He strips away womens’ rights, queer rights, he tanks the working class and worker protections, starts a war, starts a dictatorship, whatever. He already started a lot of this during his first presidency. In this case, either…
2.B.1. This is still not enough to trigger a revolution. Vulnerable people are hurt and die at a far greater pace than under a Democratic presidency. We go on as before, fighting to regain key protections. Perhaps the Dems put forward a more liberal candidate to try and beat him next time, if democracy still exists, but likely? We end up with a conservative centrist anyway.
2.B.2. Trump does trigger a revolution. All I can see is how many vulnerable people would suffer and die. The military HAS to be involved and either takes control of government (terrible start to socialism!!!!!) or kills revolutionaries en masse and the rebellion fails. If civilians somehow defeated the US military, which is an astronomically low possibility, then we set up a more liberal democracy...how, exactly? With all the conservatives and moderates still in our country? Honestly, HOW. Kill them? Try and make them ‘see the light’? That happens via education, not a civil war. We could try and go straight to communism but theory and history show us that doesn’t work—you have to work your way towards it through democracy.
It is SO much more efficient and would put so many fewer vulnerable people in grave danger to start by keeping the democracy we already have by voting in Harris and THEN working on our protests to shift the needle towards democratic socialism. We’ve seen that these protests CAN WORK!!!!! They got us Biden dropping out!!!!! Harris picked a VP far more appealing to a liberal mindset than many of her other top options! WE ARE ALREADY SHIFTING THE NEEDLE. Keep it shifting, don’t give in to fatalism, and remember that you have to go through the steps to have an actual, stable, reliable socialist or communist republic. Vote.
#politics#us politics#be kind to each other when discussing this too#I want safety for all the vulnerable people of the world too#this is my honest best perspective on how we get that#and I totally understand that people not voting as a form of activism want those things too#we have to have conversations about where that will realistically land us though#if someone has an alternate path where not voting gives us the best chance at a more just political system I am all ears#I’ve even outlined a couple possible paths above I just think they have the most marginal possible chance of occurring#and that we have to exercise the precautionary principle—the risk of it all going sideways if people don’t vote is SO GREAT that we cannot#discount it#does it suck to have to vote when you hate the whole system? sure#but in this case it preserves democracy so we can actually create effective revolt or policy change or whatever#and don’t backslide into a dictatorship that vulnerable people die en masse to bring back to a democracy
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i hate going to weddings never invite me to one ever again
#i’m probably an asshole for this but unless you’re like my best friend in the whole world i don’t really care#a lot of it for me is just the fanfare and fakeness of it all#the couple inviting hundreds of people as if they have close ties to all of them#it’s just ridiculous#like i love that you’re in love but big traditional weddings are just stupid#💌
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I am not a jealous person and honestly hate people that are. But I do think Huai En is right on this one
#meet you at the blossom#like he promised him the whole world just some days ago#he knows Huai En traumas#he act like he was the love of his life (and that is true)#but in one moment notice he just goes to a brothels#his servant thay is Xiao bao best friend confirms that he is there to pick someone else#and when Huai En gets there Xiao bao is drunk in bed with two women giving gold to them#while xiao bao could have leave when he got what he came for#he could have not drink at least#but he was Tempted by peer pressure and old habits#also xiao bao father had already plant the seed#and i would not be shocked because if that was his plan#i am pretty sire the prince informed him about Huai En#and he planned so the couple would break up
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I'll add myself to the pool of ppl who (might delusionally) believe gojo ain't dead dead
#karma.talks#jjk manga spoilers#jjk 236 leaks#listen. I was cackling in the work parking lot this morning looking at the server leaks#1. narratively his death would serve nothing for the plot. and the whole fight wouldn't have moved anything forward#2. head ain't cut off. eyes aren't destroyed. shoko and angel literally still on the same continent. body could be healed easy peasy#3. gojo was saying bye to his dead friends instead of them welcoming him? so he could be goin' off to limbo#or have his second enlightenment hit within the next couple chapters to off sukuna once and for all. and get to kenny#and 4. uhh kenny??? he still exists gege. can't have a fight with him paired with anyone else tbh just wouldn't thematically fit#best of both worlds scenario: kids kill sukuna with gojo's resurrection#gojo goes on to fight kenny. kenny dies by the six eyes and/or infinity once and for all and gojo sacrifices the six eyes and/or infinity#so kenny can no longer body swap and will end the tale of his terror. geto comes back into consciousness for a couple more moments#OR his body is at peace once and for all and THEN gojo dies from wounds / overexertion of his cursed energy#OR gojo lives but remains a normal human w/o the six eyes or limitless. and this is bc he cheated death twice and that's the toll#gege make some of this happen or you've given a good side character a nonsensical death (within the scope of the story and character arc)#give it 10 chapters to see where this goes. if he's dead dead that's a fumble of an ending to their fight and a death scene#btw if anyone wants to talk abt this more just DM me I ain't fighting the tag system over more spoilers
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Bruce. Bruce look at me. i'm beaming this into your skull you want to cover Marc Cohn so bad. you want to do Marc Cohn's Strangers in a Car so so bad trust me you do
#bruce springsteen#marc cohn#and Ghost Train and Silver Thunderbird and Walk on Water and Walking Through the World and Saving the Best for Last#if you just tweak a couple lyrics and—#yes ik Walking in Memphis exists but that's like. his most famous song. Bruce would probably kill it but i need the b-cuts yk#just realized that Marc's doing a whole lot of walking. ok then.
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#like look obviously the narrative that ~wah no one loves fitz~ is stupid he is so very very loved by so many people#but hes taught himself that if theres a part of him others dont like or if someone can use him#then their love for him might as well not exist#and thats how most people love. it's not wrong.#he just thinks it is because hes used to being treated as an item by everyone who doesnt love him unconditionally#up to his adulthood the only person who did ever seem to love him unconditionally was patience#so he made sure to take away from her the opportunity to see something in him she'd find repulsive#--like the wit--because she didnt have the chance to fully know him#which sucks because patience is the best person in the whole series#if he'd like her know him she'd love him all the same#anyway where im going with this is after the accidental... skill coupling??#and understanding for sure and for real there is no part of him that beloved does not know and does not love anyway#that despite his love of the world in general beloved is only continuing to use him as his catalyst because it's the only way fitz lives#(the fool weeping with makeup running down his face saying he doesnt want to be a prophet he wants this to end#but he cannot watch fitz die again had ME weeping)#ANYWAY that all scared fitz shitless#'it's too much. no one can give that much' is just. devastating to me for both of them#fitz because he still cannot see himself as worthy of being loved and not used#and beloved because all he does is get shit on for what fitz demands of him#I'm so tired#and fitz has yet to notice it was the fool making sure he had food/water/fire in the tower even when they were fighting#because unconditional is unconditional. not liking at that moment is not not loving#i hate it here#also fitz violently breaking the skill connection because 'he would know my secret. he would see my deception' is absolutely crazy#repression go brr#says kenna#kenna reads rote#ALSO when the coterie was healing him and he was begging beloved through skill to not look at his heart or his mind#what the hell!!#one flesh one end bitch!!
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These last two weeks:
Found out *during* the conference I was traveling for that my application for university funding had been canceled bc our department finance guy failed to approve it in the system.
A pipe broke above my apartment while I was traveling, causing water to flood into my bedroom, opening a hellmouth in the ceiling and destroying my bed, among other things. My apartment is now uninhabitable, I'm stuck in a mire of insurance claims/ living in temporary housing. Won't be able to move back in until probably the end of July.
Don't wanna get into the specifics here, but the three-week trip I went on was, on a number of levels, a personal disaster.
The startup disk in my laptop has somehow become corrupted, and now the hard drive seems to have disappeared (???), so I am just crossing my fingers at this point that I haven't lost everything. Hopefully will find out better news tomorrow when I bring it to the Apple Store (since I cannot currently log in to set an appointment or get tech support, as my apple ID password is saved only on my currently-unusable laptop).
My cat has been throwing up non-stop for the last 24 hours.
I am not sure what lesson(s) the universe is trying to offer here, but at this point I feel a genuine sense of hostility from it.
#this whole chain of events has been depressing in the deepest and most comprehensive way imaginable#every time i think it won't get worse it does#not gonna lie: i wanna be dead soooooo badly right now#and it feels like God/ the universe/ the world wants that too#i am a miserable person to be around right now#and i can feel myself being a miserable person#but am unable to be anything else at the moment#even my sense of humor isn't coming through at the moment#was i a war criminal in a previous lifetime? what the fuck did i DO? i keep hearing that i'm just really unlucky but uhhhhhh#that's not cutting it anymore#anyway#if you have prayers or energy or whatever it is you believe in to spare#i would appreciate them deeply and genuinely#i feel like i'm in that part of stranger than fiction where harold tries to do nothing to avoid further tragic events unfolding#and a fucking wrecking ball demolishes his apartment#personal#only including the last two weeks because i risk falling into an abyss of self-pity if i go further back across the last couple of years#but a friend said it best ''you just can't seem to catch a break'' yeah that sums it up well#cancer and pet death and mentor death and more chronic illness/ surgery and apartment disaster like i'm begging for mercy at this point
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I’ve been watching Trigun subbed but then also rewatching it dubbed as the dub episodes come out and let me tell you, when A) I can understand the language and can pay attention to tone of voice and stuff, and B) I know what happens in the next few episodes since the dub is behind, hearing that constant veil of optimism over Vash’s voice even when he knows it’s a pretty bad situation sure hits different
#my boy he's doing his best#(and shoutout to the english va damn)#I am rotating this show in my head at a moderate speed#For real though like I could write a whole couple paragraphs rambling about Vash as a character and why I like him#Unsurprisingly at least 60% of it just overlaps with why Ruby is my fav in rwby lol#something something optimistic characters who always find the good in things#having to confront those traits as a flaw instead of something good in themselves#because the world and some people in it are crueler than they are#and something something shows that love to play with the idea#that sometimes a spark of hope leads to an inferno instead#ANYway that's enough rambling from me lol#vash stampede#trigun stampede
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I NEED TO MOVE OUT NOOWWWWWWW
#i woke up at 3 pm bc this was my 1st day ‘off’ in forever#and when i went to grab something to eat our back door was fully open and my car was nowhere to be found#cat*#so i freaked out and started looking outside but when i realized she wasn’t there and my roommate also wasn’t recently outside#i knocked on her bedroom door and she was like ‘oh sorry i was asleep do you want me to help look’#YES i want you to help look what are you talking about#eventually i found her bc my cat is the best girl in the world and never left our yard- she was in the crawl space under the house#but not only am i pissed she let my car out then took a nap#but we don’t live in the safest city in the world and while we were both sleeping our door was fully 90 degrees open#so now not only do i feel like kevin (cat) isn’t safe here but I don’t feel safe sleeping here anymore#the lease is up in july and i finally get to leave#this girl is a random roommate my former roommate found to replace her#and the whole process/experience has been awful#i just have to survive 4 months#during the summer i might keep paying rent but fully leave and go live with family#bc my school isn’t in driving distance of any of my family#now i’m thinking about asking someone if they’ll take kevin for a couple months bc im so sorry about her#but my dad has a dog that doesn’t love cats and my best friend is allergic and my mom lives in another state#personal#delete later#also this is unrelated BUT every weekend without fail she does laundry at an insane time in the morning#and our washing machine is the loudest washing machine i’ve EVER heard#and of course it’s right against the wall of my room#not hers#i only get two days a week to sleep past 630 am and she almost always ruins it
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your first love hits different
#another day another vent-in-the-tags post#i came across a picture of me and my fiest boyfriend of five years today. picture must've been 10 years old at this point#found many more pictures of him and us on my dad's old pc#i can just feel my body pull and heart ache when i look at him in the pictures#wondering what my life would've looked like if i hadn't broken things off between us#we tried to stay friends and a couple of months later we went for a drink. when daying goodbye he moved in to kiss me#i was hesitant and stepped away. he couldn't bare having me in his life while not being together so he cut off all contact#don't get me wrong in any of my thoughts- i love babe whole heartedly and he's the only man for me now and in my future#it's just that nagging feeling burried deep. the 'what if's. what if i felt more confident about my body back then?#what if i hadn't moved on so quickly? what if i had let him kiss me?#i tried texting him telling him i was approved for gbp surgery (i broke things off because i was very insecure about my body)#he congratulated me and sincerely wished me all the happiness in the world but also asked me not to contact him again after this#it's been 7-ish years but every now and then i wonder how he's doing and what he's up to#he doesn't really have social media apart from facebook (and that page is private) and i only stayed in touch with his former best friend#but i'm not gonna ask him because i know they haven't spoken in years either#i've had plenty more relationships after him but i rarely ever think about those guys#am i okay? is this normal? lol#i should get my head out of this rabbit hole asap#add: the picture is almost 15 years old lol. my math ain't mathing. we met in 2009. not that it's important#i think i just moved on too quickly and didn't allow myself time & space to grieve. that's why he keeps popping up in my thoughts now & then
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