#but we don’t live in the safest city in the world and while we were both sleeping our door was fully 90 degrees open

[figuerockfaeth]

I NEED TO MOVE OUT NOOWWWWWWW

[jgroffdaily]

Your intrepid team of JGD-ers are currently in the Big Apple, the home of Broadway, New York City! And, as if that wasn’t exciting enough, tonight we got to watch our very own reason for (online) existence, Mr Jonathan Drew Groff, strutting his (*frank*ly awesome) stuff in Merrily We Roll Along, at the Hudson Theatre on 44th Street, NYC!

For those who are unaware, Jonathan Groff Daily is made up of a team of two who live on literally opposite sides of the world - one in Australia and one in the UK. And while that allows for excellent coverage of breaking news (there is always at least one of us awake!), it has somewhat hindered our attempts to meet in real life - not helped by the pandemic that was raging at the time that we first “met”, three years ago.

Until now! In fact, until Wednesday of this week, when we both checked into the same hotel (all meticulously planned; not serendipity), into rooms directly above/below one another (that bit was serendipity), and began our NYC adventure together!

After a great deal of chatting, and far too much walking (and one inadvertent trip to Long Island City - nobody should ever leave me in charge of navigation!), tonight was the night for us to see the show together (in fact, my partner in crime had already seen it, last week, but this was our first time as a team).

First I should mention the theatre (this particular one is spelt that way, despite being in America - I’m not 100% sure why). It is so beautiful and elegant, and provides a wonderful setting in which the show can unfold.

And oh my goodness, what a show it is! As you will have all seen from the various glowing reviews online (with more surely to come next week, once the press embargo is lifted) this is an absolute tour de force and it was a such a privilege and a pleasure to watch this fabulous cast being utterly and completely fabulous.

First, of course, our boy. Well, we knew he could act. We knew he could sing. We knew he was prone to spit a little while doing both of those things. And all of that was also 100% true tonight!

I won’t include any spoilers in this review/ramble, as I hope that many of you will also get the chance to see it in person.

As you may have noticed, we try to keep this account relatively sober and professional (well, as sober and professional as a fan account on Tumblr can truly be, I guess!). However, as the more emotional one in our pairing, and in deference to this very special occasion, I don’t mind admitting that when Jonathan first came on stage I was all a-flutter. I haven’t seen him live and in person before, and I think I spent the first 8-10 minutes with the knuckles of my left hand in my mouth.

As you will all have seen in the press photos, etc, he spends almost the entire show wearing black trousers and a white button down shirt, and it’s a great look on him (but then, what isn’t?!). Without getting too excited here in “public”, on this jointly-run account, I will just say that his legs go on for miles and miles, and his giant hands stand out beautifully against the monochrome outfit.

And, again without spoilers, as he walked down to the very front of the stage and stared out, unseeing, over the heads of the audience, the drama behind him crescendoed and tears glittered in his eyes. At less than ten minutes in, I knew then that we were in the safest of safe (giant) hands, and yet, at the same time, our emotions were going to be played like fiddles.

(Speaking of which, the orchestra, tucked away in an “upstairs room”on the set, were absolutely sublime.)

The show rocks along really well, with honestly no weak performances at all. The ensemble are incredible and one thing that we really admired about this version was the way in which they all seemed to have been given permission to allow elements of their personalities to shine through. Although most of the supporting actors play multiple characters, and those are by no means interchangeable, I still felt that, to a good extent, I was also watching individuals who I knew and cared about from the start.

I must confess that I found that I couldn’t take my eyes off Lindsay whenever she was on stage (which did feel a little like a betrayal, when I was literally wearing a “Jgroffdaily” pin badge 🙄!) - she is just mesmerising: funny, sad, expressive, sympathetic and just a tiny bit broken by life and love. For those who have seen the full London version of the show on YouTube, I felt that this Mary was far less brittle, even from the first scenes, when she could otherwise come across as hard to love. The warmth, humour and humanity of the character came out in spades in Lindsay’s performance, and I was truly floored by her - to the extent that, during the whole of the one song that she sings with Jonathan and Katie Rose, I got to the end and realised that I had been watching solely her throughout, despite the fact that my reason for leaving my family behind (for five days, not forever!) and flying 3,000 miles to NYC, was 12 feet to the right of her on stage. (We are going again on Saturday - I need to make sure that I keep my eyes on Jonathan next time!).

Daniel is also just so good. His American accent is (to my British ears) impeccable, and he has great comic timing and physical comedy. His voice is fantastic, too, and he does an outstanding job with Franklin Shepherd Inc. All in all, I was incredibly impressed by Dan and thought that he more than held his own in the show.

My only slight criticism of the show (which is no reflection whatsoever on the actors) is that I would have liked a little longer to sit with one particularly tragic moment in Act One. Despite being a person who is shaky, giggly and butterflies-in-the-stomach-y at the simple sight of her hero stepping onto a stage, it takes me a few minutes to build up to proper crying, and I felt that I was jolted out of that feeling a little too quickly by the friends’ singing in an attempt to cheer up their heartbroken friend.

Katie Rose and Krystal Joy both had really difficult jobs to do, particularly Katie who is dropped into the show immediately before having to act in a very challenging, emotional scene. Both were stunning and their voices just soared, although Katie’s also cracked with emotion when it needed to, which was incredibly effective and moving.

The little boy who played Frank Junior at tonight’s performance was excellent, and got a lot of love from the audience. As the parent of a seven year old myself, I can only imagine how difficult it must be for him and his family to be juggling these late nights and, to be honest, quite a bit of sitting around during the show itself - and all at the age of only just five. They are all doing a great job.

And now for Jonathan. My (our) lovely Jonathan. Well, he absolutely smashed this whole performance right out of the park and over the East River. His voice was impeccable. His acting, as always, was moving, deft and brilliant - and that in a show where, although he is undoubtedly the “lead” character (whatever the order of the names above the title may suggest…), he spends a lot of time staring off stage or standing, stunned, as various other characters shout at him / flirt with him / cry hysterically over him. He does that so well (and if that doesn’t sound like damning with faint praise, I don’t know what does - in my defence it is now past 1am and my body clock thinks it is 6am!).

Potentially controversial point here: I felt that, during a-song-that-will-remain-nameless-for-spoiler-related-reasons (in Act One), Jonathan was not playing the piano himself (ie it was being played by the orchestra, and other instruments then come in behind it), but during Good Thing Going and Who Wants to Live in New York in Act Two, it *was* him playing. It is, however, incredibly hard to tell due to the placement of the piano on the stage, and I would be very interested to hear what others think on this topic.

Overall the show was just stunning. The audience seemed very engaged throughout, and it seems that they were also paying attention, judging by the gasps and laughs at later call-backs to earlier scenes. As he was signing autographs after the show, Dan said that it had been a great audience tonight (he might say that every night, of course!).

I am so glad that I will get to see it again at Saturday’s matinee, as I am sure that there were so many details and nuances (and entire performances of beautiful songs - sorry, Jonathan!) that I missed this time around.

Just a note on the stage door situation. It was all very organised and calm; much more so than I had expected. Dan came along the line to his waiting car, autographing playbills and taking selfies with people as he went, and he seemed just adorable and so pleasant and friendly with everyone. From what I could see, everyone was very respectful and polite, and everyone who wanted something signed seemed to get it. At one point someone shouted out that Merrily is their favourite ever show, and Daniel took time to pick her out of the crowd and thank her personally, saying that they all find it a privilege to be in the show.

Jonathan and Lindsay did not stage door tonight, but apparently “sneaked out the front” (as, of course, they are fully entitled to do). As I don’t think he is likely to come to see the fans at the stage door following a matinee performance, I suspect that I won’t now get a chance to show Jonathan my “jgroffdaily” pin badge - which he may think is for the best!

Oh, I almost forgot to mention, Steven Sater was in the audience tonight, sitting behind and to the right of us. I’m sure that he was bursting with pride, to see Jonathan shine as bright as he does.

[klbwriting]

Broken Prism

Chapter 18

Fandom: Red Hood

Pairing: Jason Todd x female!Reader

Warnings: intrusive thoughts, self-loathing

Summary: Jason does not do well when left to his own thoughts

Notes: this is angsty af

Bruce didn’t let Jason do anything for two weeks after the attack from Penguins men. It annoyed the hell out of him, pacing the halls of Wayne manor, unable to do anything while the rest of the house was able to go about their daily lives. YN was trying to make time for him but with Penguin’s arrest she was asked to see what else she could get now that more people were willing to talk so she was always working. Tim was at school, Dick in Bludhaven, Bruce at Wayne Enterprises. Jason had Alfred, who honestly was the most mysterious person in the house, leaving in the morning and not back until right before Bruce returned. Jason was going crazy, and he needed to escape, unplug for a while. So, he did.

Bruce had gotten Jason a new bike of course so once he felt up to it, he decided to take it for a spin, outside the city. He rode for a couple hours, putting solid distance between himself and Gotham, breathing a little easier away from the streets and the crime and the general despair that always seem to settle on the city. The lakefront town was nice, and no one bothered him as he hiked around the lake, finding a spot near the water to just sit and be still.

“There has got to be more to what I’m doing,” he whispered to himself. He still struggled so much with his role in the world now. He was a killer, well, a reformed killer at the moment, but a killer no less. He had made New Gotham the safest place in the city, had found his soulmate, reunited with his family, but something was still broken inside him. He could feel it, those shards of himself, the darkest, sharpest parts, that struggled to stay in, wanting to pierce through his chest and destroy him. No amount of care and love from those around him seemed to make that go away. Dr. Thompkins told him that everyone had those parts to them, that they were hard to deal with, but he could cope with them. It was the why bother he was having trouble with. Why bother getting better? No one really loved him. Even YN, that was because some insane twist of fate had put her there. If he didn’t give her color, she wouldn’t even care about him. Bruce, Dick, Tim, all of them. He was a tool, something to use. Why bother with him? He was just some urchin from Crime Alley who was born to be bad. He was of cursed stock, mother an addict, father a loser, he wasn’t better than that, just trash. He tried to push back these thoughts, he wanted to get them to leave them alone, he really did. But they came back stronger every time, and the laugh that chorused with them was more than anyone could take. He was trying, he really was, but he knew that soon something would need done.

He needed to face Joker. He needed to kill him. Bruce wouldn’t do it, fool that he was, but Jason would.

By the time he got back to the mansion it was dark outside, quiet, but when he got inside the silence was eerie. He wasn’t sure what was going on. He searched the house and found no one so he went to the cave where it was a different story. Everyone was yelling, even Alfred.

“You were supposed to fix his tracker…” “I did fix it! He’s not wearing it!” “I swear if someone else has him I am going to punch all of you!” “Shut up Dick! I get to punch everyone first!” “Can we all just calm down?”

“Um, what’s going on?” Jason asked, making everyone stop their tirades and look at him. Soon the men turned, looking from Jason towards YN. She pushed passed them and when Tim went to follow Bruce held him back. She walked up to Jason and shoved him hard.

“What in the fuck were you thinking?! You run off without leaving a note, you don’t take your phone! What the hell is wrong with you!” she yelled, shoving him again and again, each time getting weaker until she was just hugging him, arms gripping his waist as tight as she could. After a moment he heard some sniffles and felt his shirt getting wet. He didn’t realize she would worry like this. No one cared about him this much.

“I just…needed to get out of my head a little bit, get out of the city…” he said, trying to explain. He tried to pry her arms from him, but she held on tighter.

“No, I’m never letting you go again,” she said. “You’re not trustworthy anymore.” Jason looked at the others, searching and finding the same kind of worry on their faces and he looked down. This wasn’t right. He wasn’t right. He didn’t deserve this at all. He fucked everything up. Why did they care? Why should they care? He wasn’t worthy.

“Why do you care so much anyway?” he snapped, finally getting YN to let go of him. He stepped back and she stared at him like he’d shot her. “All of you, why would any of you care about me?” He shook his head, turning and heading back upstairs. YN followed him but he made sure to close the elevator door on her, cursing himself for the hurt he saw on her face. He really was just a worthless piece of garbage. Who hurts the person they love like that? He does. He went to his room, locking the door and ignoring the knocking. First it was YN, then Alfred, then Tim, the Dick, the Bruce. He sat in his room for hours, trying to figure out a way to finish this. Finish everything. He would go down fighting Joker, take the bastard with him. If he died YN would be fine, she said so herself, she had the memories, that was enough. He got up and went to the door, opening it and YN fell backward into his room.

“Finally,” she said, standing up and dusting herself off.

“What are you doing?” Jason asked. She cocked her head to the side and moved to pick up a tray of food by the door. Jason didn’t move.

“Get back in your room, we’re going to eat together, or I’m spilling this right onto the carpet and the stain will drive you crazy,” she said. Jason considered his options for a minute, but when she started to tilt the tray towards him, he relented and stepped back into the bedroom, letting her in. She set the tray on the small table in the room and took a seat, getting it ready for him. Everything he loved was on that tray. He felt himself warming a little at the thought of what Alfred had done for him. Doesn’t mean anything, just wanting to shut you up for a while. He winced like he had been slapped.

“How bad is it?” YN asked as Jason sat down. He looked at the ground, not wanting to look at her. She looked afraid of him. God why had he made her afraid of him?

“Haven’t had a day like this in years,” he said softly.

“Do you want to talk about it?” she asked. He shook his head. “Ok.” She sat back and when he still didn’t look up. “I’ll go, just please eat something.” She stood, moving to walk past him but he grabbed her hand.

“Don’t go,” he said softly. He felt her relaxed, her hand squeezing his before she sat down again. He finally looked at her. “Do you feel cheated knowing that I’m your soulmate?”

“No, I feel incredibly lucky that I have a soulmate like you,” she said. He grunted a laugh. “I mean it Jason.”

“Why? Besides the color, what have I possibly done for you to earn you?” he asked. She frowned.

“Why do you think you need to earn me?” she asked. “I’m not a paycheck, neither are you. You’re there Jason, you exist in this world, and that’s all I need you to do, is exist. I appreciate everything extra that you do for me, but just existing is enough.” He stared at her.

“Only because I saved you, I was Robin, now I’m Red Hood, take that away…”

“And I’d still love you. I don’t love Robin or Red Hood, in fact sometimes I downright hate them because it’s terrifying knowing you’re out there and could die…again…at any moment. If you took off the helmet and the armor I would still love you. Jason Peter Todd is the man I love, hell, even if you weren’t my soulmate I would love you,” she said. Jason looked away again, not wanting her to see him being this emotional. She reached out and turned his face back to her. “Jason, I love you.” He took a breath and stared at her, not finding a lie, a half-truth, sarcasm, nothing but care in her face.

“I wish I could feel that way about myself,” he said. She moved over and he pulled her into his lap, hugging her around the waist, head on her shoulder. She ran her fingers through his hair, her other hand gently caressing his cheek.

“Let me feel that way for you then, I can tell you about how it feels. Being Jason Todd is being a good son, a better brother, the best boyfriend, it means being funny, and so much smarter than you think, not always knowing what to say when someone is having a bad day but being willing to sit with them until its better. Jason is kind, caring, passionate, and has great taste in books. All of his girlfriends agree,” she said. Jason smiled despite himself and for the first time that day the intrusive thoughts subsided. He believed her, believed every word she said.

“I love you too,” he whispered. YN smiled and kissed his head. “I’m tired.”

“Come on, let’s go to bed, can I stay with you tonight?” she asked. He could hear the worry in her voice, like she thought he might vanish again. He nodded and she went to her room to change after making him promise he wasn’t going anywhere. He got into bed himself and felt her crawl in behind him. She wrapped her around his waist, and he sighed, loving being held like this.

[ahungeringknife]

365: February 2

@seventhscorpio

Pretty sure this was also from the friendship month? It isn't marked with a particular prompt. That or I just got the WORST Hive brain rot for a few days. Which happens to the best of us :,D

--

Gup was small enough to be able to sit on one of Alak-Hul’s mighty pauldrons which was about the safest place he could be other than next to his mom. He could see the glint of her sniper scope on the wall around the temple in the distance but wasn’t really worried about it. Alak-Hul was directing some Acolytes to clean the detritus around the Temple of Oryx after the latest assault by the Scorn and listening to Gup complain about Dornuk.

“Seems like he’s jealous,” Alak-Hul’s Ghost, Nakshatra, said after listening for a while. Below them Alak-Hul grunted in agreement but was acting like he wasn’t paying attention.

“Jealous? He clearly thinks my relationship with a Guardian is stupid.”

“Well of course. He’s Hive. He doesn’t want to like Guardians,” Nakshatra said.

“And he says the way I talk is stupid! Is the way I talk stupid?” he asked them.

“I think it’s very sweet,” Nakshatra said.

Gup leaned down to look and over to get right in Alak-Hul’s face. “What about you? Is my voice stupid?”

Alak-Hul looked at Gup through his heavy helmet a moment before saying, “You know more than me. I think you can talk however you want.”

That made Gup laugh and sit back up. “But he was just such a stick in the mud. He’s like that sometimes but,” he folded his arms in annoyance. “I swear he’s allergic to fun.”

“Fun is different from Hive to humanity,” Nakshatra reminded him.

“I know. But we always do what he thinks is fun.”

“Yes and then you come here and Alak-Hul plays with you,” Nakshatra said in amusement.

“Bored,” Alak-Hul said.

“Yeah! It’s so boring in this stupid temple. You guys don’t even have screens or shows to watch. They don’t even let him have a Grave in the temple. My mom says she’s been in some of the living spaces in the city here in the Coven and even normal Acolytes have Graves in their homes. It’s ridiculous!” He threw up his arms. “But you’d love this show my mom watches with my uncle Savant,” and Gup proceeded to tell Nakshatra and Alak-Hul all about the new drama show they were watching that was starting to feature Eliksni in non aggressive roles. Not actual Eliksni but people dressed up like them or done in CGI.

By the time he’d finished Alak-Hul was just sitting on the the porch of the temple listening to Gup. The damage had been moved aside and some lesser Lucent Knight had taken over directing the thrall and acolytes to actually fixing the walls.

“That sounds so interesting,” Alak-Hul said and Gup knew he meant it because Alak-Hul never lied. “Nakshatra you lived in the City a long time. Do you have these… shows?”

“… Yes? I have some in my memory banks. I don’t know how appropriate it would be to display them to Hive,” she said sheepishly. “I don’t have that show,” she added.

Gup pulled out the pockit his mom made sure he had while in the Throne World. “What about this one?” Gup asked after navigating the small screen and found a show he liked. It was a bit on the juvenile side but the animations were cute and the colors were so bright and cheerful. The heros and villains also weren’t Guardians and Hive, or Eliksni, or even Cabal.

Nakshatra looked at the pockit. “Yes. I have that one.”

“We should watch it!”

“I don’t-

“Yes. Let’s,” Alak-Hul said.

“… Where should I broadcast it?” Nakshatra asked carefully.

“It’s best on a white wall. Ghostie sometimes does it for me in my bed. Not shows but other stuff,” Gup said helpfully.

“Wall,” Alak-Hul motioned.

Nakshatra sighed. “You sure, big guy?”

“I want to see the show our little friend likes,” he said seriously.

“I’m not that little,” Gup protested.

Alak-Hul chuckled. “You will be little for a time yet. Even after your morph,” he told Gup as Nakshatra floated to a good spot and her optic flickered before she projected the show on the far wall. The other Hive all stopped when she did and turned to look at it.

Gup excitedly told Alak-Hul about his favorite character when she showed up but otherwise was just quiet watching the show. He thought he could faintly hear laughter a ways off and if he bothered to look he’d notice his mom’s scope was no longer visible on the wall. She was busy laughing her head off watching a bunch of Hive quietly watch a show meant for pre-teens in utter serious attention.

[readerforexiao]

𝐅𝐀𝐑𝐄𝐖𝐄𝐋𝐋, 𝐁𝐑𝐀𝐕𝐄 𝐒𝐎𝐋𝐃𝐈𝐄𝐑 | 𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ

⌗ Gojo Satoru x Reader | angst no comfort, canon compliant, no happy ending | tw: star crossed lovers, sacrificial love, sacrifice, death, grief, fated for tragedy, emotional distress, self blame, suicidal ideation | wc: 1.4k

⌗ A/n: please please cry with me someone because I spent my entire morning watching sad edits on TikTok

⌗ "The greatest sorcerer to ever live, the kindest soul to ever love. The last of our hope, bearing the weight of our pain so we could dream and laugh, if only for a moment."

You find Satoru on the rooftop with his back turned and his legs dangling over the edge— as if he were a single heartbeat away from the descend into freedom.

A quiet, breathless sigh drifted from your lips in wisps of mist that dissipated into the frigid air, each one cold but not enough to diminish the warmth that swelled within you at the sight of him, framed against the night sky, his hair gleaming beneath the watchful glow of the moon.

Still, he managed to stand out brightly even amidst the web of stars and city lights—impossible to ignore, drawing your attention like a beacon of strength.

He was, afterall, the strongest. Satoru Gojo— the man who lived on despite the final song of his heart ending before it had the chance to dance. The man who made the darkest of nights feel the safest, whose arms became the only home you’d ever known and whose shoulder was the only place your tears found comfort.

“Do you think you’ll miss this sight?” He asked without turning back to look at you, knowing that it was you only you alive who found him. Always you.

Time seemed to stretch like a taut string. The silence gave way to the lump in your throat, each shaky step bringing you closer as you observed in longing at the way his hair ruffled in the wind. And despite not being able to see you, you nodded. You would miss it— more than anything in the world.

He watched over the city, but you watched over him. That is why you noticed what he held in his hand.

The first tear broke free and the rest followed in an unbroken stream out of your control, almost mirroring the way you had fallen for a man beyond your reach over and over again, or the way your hearts hurried in pursuit of peace and meaning that was never written to be yours.

You never feared chasing after him, never allowed the weight of despondency to seep in. Even when all he could offer was his back turned to you in rejection— the very silhouette you'd seen just before chaos erupted.

There was a sad awakening in that moment as you realized it would become the portrait of your most longed-for view, an image destined to fade from memory.

When you reached your hand out to grasp him, it was caught in the wind, left unmet, as if the universe itself were reminding you of the gulf between dreams and reality.

"I'm not afraid to die..."

Your knees crumbled to the ground as he laid bare the truth to the question you once dared to ask. There suspended in the air— what he never admitted, even to himself, only to you.

You couldn’t care less about the pain shooting through your body as your head fell against his back, your hands clutching his jacket tightly, your lips trembling while the bittersweet longing for what was to come and what might be lost hung on your tongue.

"I don’t even care what becomes of my sacrifices." He looked up, his blue eyes glinting with a beauty reminiscent of light flickering off the cleanest gem, reflectent of a galaxy. It was worthless in the end, he knew, as life continued on and people would never know how he suffered, his gift to them— the peace they’d known, all but forgotten and lost to the passage of time.

But that didn’t make it meaningless; at least you would still have the chance to live.

"Satoru..."

He smiled as your voice wrapped around his name, filled with love.

"I’ve lost it all," he said, reaching behind him for your hand. "But never you... never us. And I loved it while it lasted"

Life, he meant— the happiness he chose to hold onto instead of the pain. His only regret was that he protected you despite knowing how it would end, when he could have been selfish and embraced you, perhaps kissed you a little longer and dreamed of a future together.

"It would have been the greatest," he murmured in awe at the mere notion of it— all he was meant to share with you, his students, his friends, and Suguru. A story for the ages, a legend to be remembered through the centuries. An epic adventure where good prevailed. But this was reality, cruel, tainted, and unforgiving.

"You are the greatest," you uttered, your voice quaking as you fought to keep the sobs at bay, but they escaped you nonetheless, echoing the anguish you felt in your heart.

Suddenly, he was taken aback. *Are you Gojo Satoru because you are the strongest, or are you the strongest because you are Gojo Satoru?* A bitterness settled on his tongue, his name detached and indifferent.

Did you mean it the same?

"Why?" he asked, fidgeting as his thumb traced over your skin.

"Because you’re you," you said, a whisper of sorrow. "Because you’re my Satoru— our Satoru."

He smiled when the first tear trickled down his face, granting him the strength to let go. He watched as his blindfold— a symbol of his downfall— drifted into the sky, carried away by the wind.

He pulled you into his chest, guiding your legs to rest on either side of him as you straddled his lap.

"The greatest sorcerer to ever live, the kindest soul to ever love. The last of our hope, bearing the weight of our pain so we could dream and laugh, if only for a moment." A sob escaped you, and his hand tightened around yours, offering a fragile comfort to you both. "Satoru Gojo, who carried our burdens without complaint and stood tall amidst the horrors. For everything surrendered, he still smiled. For every friend he lost, he fought harder"

When Satoru opened his eyes, a familiar smile met him— vague and spectral yet warm and welcoming.

His name teetered on the tip of his tongue, but it fell short as a smirk flashed, one forever etched in his memory, as youthful as the days when things were, somehow, a happier. Before he could speak, the figure walked away, waving goodbye with a casual flick of the hand.

'Tell her, Satoru... before it's too late,' Suguru said, his voice drifting as he faded to dust, disappearing along with his words. And Satoru's hand on yours went limp, falling away.

"I love you" he proclaimed aloud for the first time, and possibly... the last.

No... No... No... No...

This is not how he was supposed to say it!

“There has to be another way…" your voice cracked under the strain of holding back tears. "Please... please don’t leave me"

"I’m sorry, for everything I couldn’t protect, for all the times I wasn’t there… for never giving you what you deserve”

He was the strongest, yet somehow, never strong enough. How horrible. How utterly pathetic.

You shook your head, fingers threading through his hair, “Don't ever apologize,” you choked out. “You’ve given so much. You’re… you’re everything.”

"I think I’ll take a page out of Suguru’s book," he murmured, burying his face in your neck, inhaling your scent one last time. "But you... run"

You punched his gut lightly, and he winced before laughter erupted from him. “Feisty little thing until the very end,” he teased, a faint smile touching his lips.

“Until the very end,” you determined.

He leaned back to cradle your face, the pads of his thumbs running over the traces where your tears had fallen. “Still— promise me you’ll do it,” he said softly, searching your eyes for a sign of agreement. “No matter what happens. Kill whoever you need to. Sacrifice whoever you must. But go. Live… dream… smile… love.”

"I’ve already done all those things… with you and for you, you idiot," you said affectionately as his hands glided over your back, his cheek resting against your head.

"Then carry on my legacy,"

"No," you denied firmly. "Never again."

No one should live or die the way he had to; it was a legacy you never wished to uphold. Yet, he was special— so special to you; your one and only, and you believed he alone reserved the right to carry that greatness, no matter how tragic it may be.

"Then mourn us," he said softly, reading between the lines as he leaned in, "Keep us alive, all of us."

His lips pressed against yours, a parting gift. But what he would never know was that you would live out your promise for a year before resigning yourself to meet your end.

Then, at last, you would be by his side, your vow fulfilled at the journey's end.

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[casuallyimagining]

Fix You (1)

hybrid!Min Yoongi x female!reader

Summary: When you take in a stray cat, you have no idea he’s secretly a hybrid trying to escape his past. Can you help him heal?  Genre: hurt/comfort, angst, slow burn, fluff Word Count: 3,660 Rating: M Warnings (may not appear in every part): minor character is a dick to animals, mentions of a gun, main character injury (non-serious), discussion of physical abuse, emotional abuse, discussion of sexual abuse, discussion of self-harm

Notes: This is for the March project for @thebtswritersclub. The prompt word was ‘adventure’ and I mean, what’s more of an adventure than adopting a pet? Banner by @birbdae; thanks to @voiceswithoutlips, @taetaesbaebaepsae​, @hoebii​ and @aroseforyoongi for editing various parts of this for me.

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“That cat got into Rick’s chickens again. Killed a couple chicks. He said he’s going to kill it if he sees it on his property.”

Your dad had said it nonchalantly, barely glancing over his newspaper. Without a second thought, you were out the door. There was no way to be sure, not really, but the sinking feeling in your stomach made you run a little faster down your parents’ driveway.

You could have sworn you saw that cat slinking under Rick’s fence on your walk earlier.

Rick’s property neighbored that of your parents, but you wouldn’t necessarily consider him their neighbor. If you stood on their front porch, you could just barely make out Rick’s house through the stand of trees that served as the property line. Your parents had chosen to let their piece of the world be natural, carving out just enough space for a house and a decent sized yard all those years ago. It had made for some great childhood adventures in the woods: pretending fairies were real, living out your childhood fantasies of being some sort of wizard, making friends with the trees--normal kid stuff.

Rick, on the other hand, had turned his land into farmland, even though he neither farmed nor cared for the land. The vast rolling fields of Rick’s “farm” were mostly bare. He had a pond in one corner on the other side of the property, and he had a small cabin for hunting when game season started. Mostly, though, Rick raised chickens. Annoying things, the chickens were, not unlike Rick himself. It wasn’t uncommon to hear the hens’ incessant clucking from your parents’ house, and the roosters never seemed to shut up.

When you moved to the city to attend college, you were elated to get away from the chickens.

According to your dad, the cat had showed up in the woods a few weeks ago, and it had made an enemy out of Rick almost immediately. The poor thing was skinny--too skinny, like it had been living on the streets for a while--and though its dark fur was ruddy and matted, you could tell it would be a beautiful onyx if taken care of.

As you got closer to Rick’s farm, you heard barking and a sharp yowl, and you hurried in the direction of the sounds, afraid of what you’d find. Rounding the corner of the chicken coop, you gasped in horror.

Rick stood with his back to you, shotgun in his hands. His dog, an old bird hound with caramel spotted fur, had the cat clutched in his mouth, the dog’s teeth sunk directly into the cat’s shoulder. The cat, to its credit, had puffed itself up greatly, its tail nearly double its normal size. It was growling and hissing, and, despite the pain it was almost certainly in, was swiping at the dog with its front claws.

“Call your dog off, Rick.” Your voice was steadier than you thought it would be. You were out of breath from the run over there, and being anywhere near Rick with a gun and his snarling dog made you a little uneasy.

“Fuck off.” The man barely turned his head to you. “Damn cat’s been a pain in my ass since someone dumped it here. It killed four of my chicks.”

“Look at it. Of course it’s going after your chickens. You don’t keep them in their coop. It’s starving.”

“Damn thing should stay at your soft-ass parents’ house if it wants handouts.” Rick cocked his gun, pointing it at the cat. The cat’s copper eyes flashed to Rick at the sound. It looked terrified.

The fact that it knew what a gun was and knew to be afraid of it broke your heart a little bit.

“Call off the dog,” you said again, taking a step toward him, hands splayed out in front of you placatingly. “Calm down. I’ll get the cat out of your hair, and you won’t have to worry about it again.”

“Ain’t going to replace my chickens.” Rick’s voice was gruff, but he lowered the gun.

“I’ll pay for your chickens. Just call off your dog.”

He stared at the cat, the gun clutched in his hands but no longer pointing it at anything. For a second, you thought he was going to sicc the dog on the poor thing just to spite you and make a point. You had a feeling he was the type of person to do that. But after a tense stare down, he whistled through his teeth.

“Drop it,” he commanded the dog. The dog looked to its owner, and he repeated the command. It took a second, but the dog released its bite, and the cat slumped to the ground. Rick regarded the cat with a sneer before turning to you. “Take care of that thing. If I see it on my property one more time, it won’t be so lucky.”

You nodded tensely, and he whistled again. The dog trotted over to Rick’s side and the two walked off. You stared after him for a moment. A pained yowl drew your attention back to the cat.

The cat looked angry, and you didn’t blame it. Its tail was still puffed up, and you could tell that if it hadn’t just been attacked by a dog, its hackles would be straight up. Its copper eyes glared at you, its ears flat against its head. You approached cautiously, and it growled deeply in its throat.

“Hey, it’s okay,” you soothed, crouching down to make yourself less threatening. “I’m going to get you help. Is that okay?”

The cat hissed at you and attempted to back away. It made two limping steps before collapsing into the mud around the coop.

“That’s alright. It’s okay.” You sighed, unsure of your next steps. You didn’t want to traumatize the cat by coming any closer, and you really didn’t want to risk injuring it further by picking it up and having it fight you.

You looked at the cat, blinking slowly when you accidentally made eye contact with it. You had read somewhere that blinking was a way to show a cat that you weren’t a threat, and though you felt kind of silly, at this point, you were willing to try anything.

“What am I going to do with you, kitty?” you questioned, sitting down in the mud. The cat looked at you curiously, as if asking what the fuck you were doing. “I don’t want Rick to hurt you,” you confessed. “I’d like to take you somewhere safe.”

Truthfully, that was part of the reason why you were even visiting your parents. Your mom had told you about the cat, and how it didn’t seem to be wearing any collar, and while you were visiting them you wanted to try to trap it, either to bring it to live with you, or to take it to a nice shelter where it could get a good meal and hopefully find a nice family.

“Can I take you to the vet, at least?” You really were desperate, talking to the cat as if it understood what you were saying. The cat, to its credit, looked at you, copper eyes staring into your face before it blinked, just once, slowly and deliberately.

When you reached out to it, it didn’t growl.

You stood and approached the cat, doing your best not to make any sudden moves. You scooped it up gently, careful not to jostle his left shoulder too much, and cradled it close to your chest.

The walk back to your parents’ house was slow, but the trip to the vet was even slower.

It was a weekend, so the vet in your parents’ sleepy little suburb was closed. You had no choice but to pack your bags back up and make the trek home to the city to take the cat to the 24/7 emergency veterinary hospital.

You tapped your hand on the steering wheel. Traffic wasn’t usually this terrible on a weekend, but there was some sort of sporting event happening, so of course, all the roads into the city were clogged.

Stopped at a red light, you spared a glance toward your passenger seat. The cat laid on his side--it was a him, your mother had confirmed--his breathing labored. You could tell he was still on edge. His tail was still puffed up like a cat-of-nine-tails, and he kept eyeing you warily. But he had let you wrap him in a blanket and carry him to your car, and he had stayed on the seat, almost like he knew it was the safest place for him.

“Almost there, kitty,” you mumbled, changing lanes, finally free of the congestion. “Hang on just a little longer.”

Thankfully, the vet wasn’t busy, and you were able to get in with the assistant almost right away. You explained everything that had happened to her as she examined the cat, tutting slightly as she checked his shoulder.

“There are some punctures, but nothing that’s too worrying. I can bandage it and give you some antibiotics.” The assistant pulled her hand back as the cat swatted at her for touching his shoulder a little too forcefully. “Do you know if he has an owner? It would be helpful to know his shot records.”

You shook your head. “He just showed up in the woods one day.”

“We’ll get him a full round of vaccines, then, too.” Copper eyes met yours, and for a second, you thought you saw a look of concern cross them. But then he blinked, and it was gone.

The vet ordered an MRI, and thankfully, because it was a large veterinary hospital connected with the local university, they were able to do it the same day. So you ended up staying at the vet for two hours as they anesthetized the cat and did the scan. While the cat was waking up, the vet called you into the exam room.

“We checked for a microchip, and there was none,” the vet--Dr. Jung--informed you, his brow furrowed. “Based on the cat’s malnutrition and the condition of the coat, it’s likely he was a stray for at least a few months.” You nodded. The poor cat. “We should have the MRI results soon. I’ll give you a call in a few hours once I get a chance to read them. Normally, since he’s a stray, we would contact our foster network to see if anyone would be able to take him in. But since you brought him in-”

“I’ll keep him,” you said quickly. You were planning on it anyway. Just because he was hurt didn’t mean you were willing to give him up.

“Good.” Dr. Jung smiled at you. “My assistant is wrapping his shoulder now, and we’d like to just monitor him for a few more minutes to make sure he’s coming out of the anesthesia well, but you should be clear to take him home after that.” He placed a box on the table between you. “This is Clavamox. One millilitre twice a day for seven days. I don’t think he’ll develop an infection, but since he was so dirty, I think it’s probably better to be safe.” You nodded and pocketed the box. “We also gave him a rabies shot while he was here. It’s standard because he was bitten. If you notice any symptoms, please call us immediately. Once he’s feeling better, we can get him the rest of the vaccines he needs.”

You nodded. This was a lot all at once. And you didn’t even know what you wanted to call the cat yet.

Dr. Jung seemed to be able to tell you were feeling overwhelmed, because he offered you a comforting smile and patted your shoulder. “I’m going to go check on him. You can come if you want.”

As soon as you entered the room, groggy copper eyes were on you. The poor thing looked stoned out of his mind, but there was recognition there, and that gave you some comfort. At least he wasn’t glaring at you anymore. Dr. Jung’s assistant had wrapped his shoulder, so he had a bandage from his upper left front leg wrapped all the way around his chest and up around his shoulders.

“What are we going to do with you, kitty?” you questioned softly, reaching out and gently placing your hand on his head.

After checking the cat’s vitals one last time, Dr. Jung let you leave.

He was limp in your arms as you carried him into your apartment, still a little drugged up from the anesthesia. The whole way back to your apartment, he had sat in the passenger seat and looked out the window like a drunk, moody college student.

“It’s up to you if you want to stay, kitty,” you told him, gently laying him down on your couch as soon as you kicked your shoes off. Of course you wanted to keep him. You had grown attached to him in the few hours you had been with him. But if he was miserable, you were willing to help him find somewhere that was more suited for his needs.

He tried to stand, succeeding only long enough to give a dramatic wobble before collapsing back into the overstuffed cushion. While he was completely recovered from the anesthesia, Dr. Jung had warned you that the cat might be feeling the side effects for a day or so. You reached out to pet him, but his copper eyes slanted into a glare, and you pulled back.

Assuming the cat was hungry, you left him alone and headed into the kitchen. You had some chicken in the fridge, and you thought maybe he would enjoy some fresh meat he didn’t have to steal. You weren’t sure when his last real meal was, so you wanted to go easy on his digestive system until you knew he was feeling better. You’d have to stop and get cat food at some point, but for now, chicken would do.

You did your best to trim off all the fat from the chicken breast. You knew he wouldn’t mind eating it--cats ate weirder things from fresh kills, after all--but you figured with how thin he was, lean meat would probably be better. Carefully, you cut it up into small, easy-to-chew chunks and put some on a plate, wrapping the rest and putting it into the fridge for later. You used a dropper to evenly spread the required dose of the antibiotics onto the chicken in hopes that it would make it easier to give him the medicine.

Returning to the living room, you noticed that the cat hadn’t moved aside from doing his best to curl up as small as possible in the corner of the couch. You tried not to make eye contact with him as you pulled the blanket from the back of the couch and draped it on the cushions. You weren’t particularly keen on having raw chicken all over your furniture, but you sat the plate on the blanket anyway. There was no way you trusted the cat to be able to jump down off your couch at this point.

“Here’s some chicken, kitty.” You gestured toward the plate, and he eyed it warily, unmoving. You supposed he would feel more comfortable eating if you weren’t in the room. “Don’t leave it too long--it’ll go bad. I have to go do some work. I’ll be in my office if you need me. It’s just down the hall.”  As you stood up, you paused. You were talking to a cat. You were talking to a cat as if it could understand exactly what you were saying.

Maybe your parents were right. Maybe you had been living alone for too long.

Your mother had suggested you get a hybrid when you first moved to the city--a nice, loyal, protective one, like a German shepherd hybrid or a golden retriever--but you had never gone further than passively looking.

You were happy for the hybrids. A majority of them were still owned, but they could move about their lives freely and without question. It was illegal to treat them as servants, and all ownership had to be consensual, though you weren’t sure how well those rules were enforced. You didn’t really understand how someone could just own a hybrid--they were people, after all, even if their DNA was a little altered. It was weird to you, owning another sentient being like that.

Their lives were certainly much better than they had been. Some hybrids were naturally occurring, but others--a majority of them--had been created by rich and powerful individuals and the government in secret during some shady human experiments in the early 20th century. And, of course, because they were experiments, it created a whole host of problems regarding rights and discrimination.

But despite all the improvements, there was still a long way to go. There was nothing wrong with owning a hybrid if it was consensual, but that didn’t mean you were necessarily comfortable with it.

After a few hours of sitting at your desk working on your most recent graphic design project for work, you turned away and stretched. If you had to stare at the color chartreuse for ten more minutes, you thought you would go blind. It was time to check on the cat anyway, and you wanted to make sure you threw away any chicken that was left on the plate you had given him so he wouldn’t get sick.

When you entered the living room, you were immediately confused. The cat was gone, but so was your blanket. The plate was still on the couch, almost exactly where you left it, but it was entirely empty. Wonderful. You had taken in some sort of Houdini cat.

You grabbed the plate and put it in the sink, trying to look for your blanket as you went. You found it when you returned to the living room, the corner sticking out from under your TV stand. There was just enough space between the bottom shelf and the floor for the cat to fit under, and apparently he had taken the blanket with him. You couldn’t really blame him--it was April, and it was late evening, and your floors were still a little chilly.

“Hey kitty?” you called, bending down to see if you could see him under the shelf. You had thought about it while working, and at this point, you were just going to lean into the whole ‘talking to the cat like he’s a person’ thing. “It’s starting to get late. I’m going to go get ready for bed, okay?” You could just barely see his copper eyes hidden all the way under the TV stand. His pupils were blown wide to capture all the ambient light they could. “You can explore or whatever you’re comfortable with tonight, but please don’t ruin my stuff. Please be a good kitty.”

He blinked once and continued to stare blankly at you.

“Okay, well… if I don’t see you, goodnight.”

You stood and headed off to your bathroom to start your nightly routine. It only took you about a half an hour, but you were soon laying down in bed with your book. You had started it a few days ago, but you were hooked, and you were already almost done with it. The author had managed to somehow insert a space alien robot into today’s modern digital age, and you found it fascinating. You would never look at social media and influencers the same way after reading this book.

It was cozy in your room with the little bedside lamp on, snuggled up in your blankets. Your bed was soft--it was one of those that you could change it using a remote to fit your mood and preference, but you almost always preferred it soft--and you had plenty of blankets and pillows to make it comfortable.

You only had a few pages left when you noticed it, the shadow lingering in the hallway, slowly getting closer to your open bedroom door. It started out against the wall across the hall. When you next looked up after glancing down to your book, the shadow had moved to your doorway. He even had turned his head away like he was pretending it was a coincidence that he had ended up in your room.

He was walking with a slight limp, which was unsurprising given the bandage and the fact that he was attacked not even 12 hours before. He was much more lucid than he was when you first brought him home, though you could tell he was still a little groggy. You didn’t say anything to him--you figured if you did, he would bolt, so you let him do what he wanted.

After a few minutes--maybe 15 or 20--you closed your book quietly, careful not to startle the cat. You glanced at the doorway and didn’t see him, so you put your book on your nightstand and turned off the light. It took you a second, but you snuggled down into the blankets, pulling them tightly around you. You were just about to drift off when you felt it.

Something landed gently on your bed by your feet. It paused for a moment before slowly making its way up the bed to your head, its gait uneven. When it got to the other pillow, it laid down. You risked opening an eye then, and were met with copper eyes staring back at you.

He watched you warily, as if waiting for you to yell or kick him off the bed. When you didn’t, his eyes narrowed, and he slowly allowed himself to lay down, his head on his paws, curled up as best as he could be.

You fell asleep to the sound of him snoring lightly.

As always, your feedback is appreciated. Feel free to pop into my ask box with questions or thoughts about the series. I’d love to hear from you!

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[coochiequeens]

“Qatar has shown the world that football can be enjoyed without alcohol, and women can enjoy it without fearing for their safety,” Yes Qatar has human rights issues but this raises some very interesting questions about drinking culture and Women’s safety. 

Doha, Qatar – When Andrea M set off from New York to follow Team USA’s journey at the FIFA World Cup in Qatar, she reassured her friends and family that she would not do anything risky during the tournament.

What she had read about Qatar painted an alarming picture of the host country.

“The US media’s portrayal of the Middle East has been very different from what I have experienced here,” Andrea, 29, told Al Jazeera, adding that her friends decided against travelling to Qatar.

Andrea said she is glad she came. “Simple things like taking a walk around the city late at night, that’s something I can’t do back home.”

A 10pm (19:00 GMT) kickoff time for many of the group stage matches and knockout games mean that fans exit stadiums, use public transport and celebrate in fan zones well past midnight. And women, in groups or on their own, are watching football at public screenings, singing and dancing with other fans and moving around without worrying about their safety. According to the Numbeo Crime Index, Doha routinely ranks as the safest – or the second-safest – city in the world.

For Joy Nkuna, the experience has been a stark contrast to her home country South Africa, which ranks as among the most dangerous countries for women travellers. “We have very high crime rates in my country, especially against women,” she said. According to recent government figures, more than 1,000 women were murdered in South Africa in a three-month period between the start of July and the end of September.

Nkuna, 39, said she doesn’t venture out alone past sunset in her country. “From the minute it gets dark, women can’t be out alone or they will be in danger,” she said. “Here, me and my daughter walked around at 3am and nobody intimidated us, catcalled us or looked at us in a way that would make us feel unsafe.”

It’s an experience that Tatiana Lopez can relate to. Thirty-three-year-old Brazil fan Lopez, who has travelled from Colombia with two female friends, said men in public places have been very courteous. “While it is strange to see more men in public places (compared to women) than I’m used to seeing in Colombia, they have all been very respectful.”

Lopez said she has been enjoying the tournament without worrying about her belongings, which is something she’s not used to back home. “I can actually carry my backpack on my back, and keep my phone in my pocket because I know nobody will snatch it from me.”

Women who have been living in Qatar said safety is not a new phenomenon linked to the World Cup.

Khadija Suleiman, a 32-year-old Ethiopian who has been living in Qatar for 10 years, was at the Lusail Stadium for a 10pm kickoff recently with her three children and two nieces. “I don’t feel the need to be with a man in order to feel safe,” she said as she walked towards the stadium.

To be sure, security presence has increased in Qatar because of the World Cup. But Suleiman said that women’s and children’s safety in public places has never been a concern for her while in the country. “If I need to, I can send my children to school in a taxi and not worry about their safety.”

That confidence is shared by women from other parts of the Gulf region, many of whom have been able to participate in the Middle East’s biggest-ever sporting extravaganza without fear.

Dalia Abushullaih has travelled to Qatar from Saudi Arabia and said she is overjoyed to see women celebrating in public spaces. “Qatar has made sure that women feel safe and comfortable in being an active part of the tournament and enjoy freely,” the 29-year-old said. “The world is finally witnessing our beautiful Arab culture, and it is beautiful to see people taking it all in and going back home with a part of it.”

Apart from the stadiums, women and children have thronged tourist areas such as Doha’s Souq Waqif and fan zones spread all over the city. Some arrive during the day as festivities are getting started, while others push through the crowds with strollers to join the post-match celebrations.

The decision by organisers to ban alcohol sales in or near the match venues has also added to the confidence of many women that attending games won’t compromise their safety.

Camilla Ferrierra, a tournament volunteer from Brazil, said knowing that she won’t be surrounded by drunk fans at the stadiums made her feel safer.

“I could never imagine going to a football match alone [in Brazil],” she told Al Jazeera. “I can’t imagine being outside late at night, using my phone in public without fear and just being able to enjoy a walk or a football match. Here, I feel 100 percent safe and that’s a great thing for us women: to be able to enjoy the festivities and football in a safe and secure manner.”

Hanoof Abdullah, a Kuwaiti football fan, sat by herself in the middle of thousands of Brazilian fans at the Lusail Stadium. She said Arab families would have found it difficult to stay out at night if they knew alcohol was being served.

“Qatar has shown the world that football can be enjoyed without alcohol, and women can enjoy it without fearing for their safety,” she said. “The bar has been set very high, and now the world will have to work very hard to match it.”

[innocentimouto]

What if Jet didn’t flood Gaipan?

Most of the fandom judges Jet for Gaipan a lot. I’ve never seen anyone provide a solution to the problem.

Say Jet never did anything to the village. Are we to believe the Freedom Fighters could hold back soldiers if the Fire Nation got fed up with a bunch of kids attacking them in the forest?

We’ve been shown time and again in the show that cruelty doesn’t require an actual threat. Ozai burned Zuko for being disrespectful, an earthbender was sent to solitary confinement for coughing, Teo and his people were in danger for living in unoccupied land, Kya’s mom was killed for “being a wtaerbender” despite never participating in a fight against the Fire Nation.

If the Fire Nation decided to burn the forest, who would stop them?

The problem is the same. The kids can continue to hide and hope none of the soldiers set the forest on fire or hear them in the trees. And they can watch as Gaipan sends out more and more soldiers and supplies against the Earth Kingdom people.

All it takes is one kid to mess up and they all could die.

They could leave. Except travelling with that many kids would make it very hard to hide from fn soldiers, as well as robbers and anyone else who’d want to target them.

They could go somewhere the Fire Nation wouldn’t bother with. Except they already did. They chose to live in a forest. I’ll never understand people who say Jet was obsessed with the Fire Nation and needed to remove himself from the situation.

Excuse you, he never chose to be involved in a war and he chose to live in a forest. Away from any fn until they went and took over Gaipan. And then he chose to go to the safest city in the world and still wasn’t safe.

There was no safe choice. Let’s look at it again.

1) Flooding Gaipan: killing all the fn soldiers, and innocent ek people, and removing any chance of soldiers settling near the forest again (at least for a while).

Which means: Jet and the kids are safe and won’t die.

2) Not flooding Gaipan: risk getting caught and killed, leaving and risk getting killed, leaving and dying due to not knowing how to live outside of a forest, leaving and maybe finding a safe village and hoping it doesn’t get attacked.

Only one of these choices actually has a high chance of Jet and the rest of the kids surviving. I’m not agreeing with Jet; I’m saying if it was your family on one side, and a bunch of people who probably never offered you help before, and one had to die, which would you choose?

It really feels like people believe Jet had an easy choice to make, and I don’t see one at all.

[tommyspeakycap]

again, your new john stones fic blew me away!!! Amazing. Please feel free to write about him all day every day!! <3

thank you again!! here’s another sweet one inspired by my own 1am experience tonight :) i wish I had a john stones

My hero

Your heart is quite literally thundering in your chest. There’s no feeling like it, this kind of fear that sticks you to the ground beneath your feet. You honestly feel like you can’t catch your breath, tears streaking down over your flushed cheeks as you hold your phone in your right hand with trembling fingers, one thumb finally letting go of the little microphone shaped drawing in your iMessages app. Even the whooshing sound of the message you knew was about to send to your best friend catches you off guard, making your shoulders clench and raise in fright.

“Are you seriously alright??”

She texts back, her confusion and teasing is something you know is laced into those letters across the screen creating a glow in the dim room. You roll your eyes at her, trying to keep your vision up while sending another voice note back; “No, seriously. Why does this only ever happen when I’m alone??”

“Probably because you live alone?” She replies back, and you curse yourself for a choice of friends who clearly have no empathy for what you consider to be a very serious situation. You know you won’t hear the end of this teasing once it’s all over. But the fear to you is all too real.

“(Y/n) I got your text! Came right here, are you alright?”

The sudden voice makes you literally clench your entire body, nearly shooting off the floor in fright and making one of those internalised fear noises that sounds like you just been attacked with a taser. You hear keys dropping down by the door and then a pause of his footsteps as you try to catch your breath. Your heart swells a little at the thought of him being here.

“John!” You yelp, your voice coming out something more like a strangled cry. The tall defender hears that sound and finds himself in panic, those long legs carrying him quickly and easily up the stairs of your small home until he spots you standing now in the doorway of your bedroom. He rushes towards you, seemingly checking you over for potential injuries the best he can in the darkness only broken by the lowest setting of flashlight on your phone. The first thing he notices when checking over your face with his hands is the wetness still making its way over your cheeks.

“Are you alright? what happened? Is there someone in there? Are you okay? Did someone hurt-“

You cut off his rambling with a finger over his lips, creating even more confusion for the fluffy haired brunette who had very clearly rolled himself out of bed to hurry over here. He was wearing shoes without socks, dirty shorts from training that he’d thrown off before going to bed only to pull back in to come to your, and an old sweater that usually sat somewhere downstairs in the closet closest to the door. It was obvious he had come in a wild rush the second he got your erratic message.

“It’s a wasp, John!” You whisper, as if the little creature that sitting on your lightbulb unwilling to move from the place you couldn’t reach and wouldn’t dare to even if you could, was able to hear you.

“A wasp?” John repeats incredulously. “Seriously?”

You nod vigorously, and and as much as the exhausted footballer wants to complain or even sigh at you, he doesn’t. Maybe he can’t. Because he’s got his arms around you and he definitely can feel you quivering against him. He had expected something more along the lines of a one night stand gone wrong or even someone breaking it, but as his consciousness began to catch back up with his previously very sleepy self, it made a lot more sense. In the event of a break in, you would probably have been bloody calmer than you are now to be honest. John had seen you after a pretty dangerous car crash completely still and relatively calm as you gave statements to police officers with blood still trickling down your face. But put an insect in your path and you scaled the closest thing to you for protection.

It just so happened that closest thing was often John Stones, and he was happy to be that person really.

It has become a norm between the two of you in the years you had been friends. Winter was the worst for spiders, but he generally didn’t mind the mildly irritating insects. He just got rid of them one way or another while you hid as far as you could get and then he’d come get you when the coast was clean. But you hated summer for this particular reason.

Wasps.

They fly in, fly into things and somehow never make it back on the window on their own despite it being the most easy thing one could ever imagine. Then, they try and sting you as if they aren’t in your house. They just creep you out, even the sight of them with their nasty little bodies. Bees aren’t a problem, they’re fuzzy looking and don’t intrude in your home nearly half as much. Also, they don’t try to sting you all the damn time.

“Where abouts?” He asks, his voice showing no hint of any destain or irritation he may harbour. “On the light,” you tell him shakily, following close to him back as you both enter the room. “Right up there- careful!”

John sniggers a little to himself, much to your dismay. He kicks off his shoes by your bedside table and climbs up onto the bed with ease on those ridiculously long legs. By luck, chance or both, he has some toilet paper in his hoodie pocket that he’d probably used to wipe his nose or something like that earlier, he can’t remember. He holds it out at arms length, only inches away form the unsuspecting black and yellow insect. “Where?” He asks again, “I can’t see anything.”

“There!” You insist, pointing up with a shaking finger. “I don’t see anything (y/n).” He repeats, making you whimper slightly, more tears suddenly appearing as you try to come to terms with the fact it might’ve moved while you were outside the room. The thought of having to sleep in your house while not knowing where it was would send you absolutely mental. “It was there I swear, look-“

“Ahhh, I got it. Stand back.”

He leans forward with relative ease, careful with the force he used so close to a live electric source and grips the buzzing creature in his tissue. “There we go,” he hums, stepping down from the bed. “All go-“

As if on cue, it flies out of the paper and you let loose a literal shriek as you dive backwards, crashing into the wall and then jumping forward in fright at that. “Woah!” John calls, “it’s alright, it’s right there. Calm, calm. Take a deep breath. Look,” he tries to calm you. That deep accent with his fatigue coating each word seeps into you, carefully calming your firing heart as he grabs it tighter from the floor, making sure he squashed it this time and immediately takes it to flush it down the toilet. John doesn’t know if you’re supposed to kill them or not, but at this moment in time he genuinely does not care. Was he fuck going to chase a wasp out of a window at half past one in the morning. Not a chance.

When he returns from the bathroom now empty handed, you still seem upset.

“That was scary.” You announce.

John smiles, pearly whites all on display. “I noticed.” He teases, making you scowl tiredly at him.

That scowl falters when his smile breaks into a light, soft laugh and he moves to stand in front of you. You absolutely don’t mind the fact that he’s babying you a little, using the sleeves of his sweater to wipe your cheeks before pressing a gentle kiss to your forehead and taking you into his strong arms. In fact, it’s very much welcomed. His arms are the safest place in the world to you and even the residual discomforted shivers from the concept of a wasp in your bedroom couldn’t get through that defender. He looks after a lot more than just the Manchester City goal line. No, he’s the sole defender of something much more precious that he doesn’t even realise.

Your heart.

“You okay now?” He asks softly, his tired voice rumbling through you. You nod against him, “Feeling a bit better. Thank you Stonesy.” You mumble, words muffled by the muscled chest that your face his resting against. “Anything for you, lovely.” He responds easily, pulling back from you in a way that aches his heart. The sudden lack of your warmth and presence against him is utterly brutal. He loves holding you, but hates it in the same breath. He would love to hold you if it was something he got to do freely instead of fleetingly.

His eyes are stuck watching you sit down on the edge of your bed to grab your phone and check the time with an element of shock rolling through your eyes when you realise it’s nearly two.

“You got training tomorrow?” You ask sweetly, a yawn following the tail end of your words adorable in a way that makes John’s heart flutter like a teenage boy. He nods, “Not till after dinner though, around 5.”

It’s your turn to nod, seeming to be chewing over something in thought as you lie down in the middle of your bed.

“Wanna stay then?”

John has to pretend to think about it at least a little bit so he doesn’t look like he’s jumping right up at the opportunity, which is exactly what he wants to do. “Why not,” he shrugs, chucking off his hoodie to the foot of your bed, “Scoot over.”

He clambers in, long limbs moving nowhere near as coordinated as they are on the pitch as he lays down by your right. It’s like a familiar dance, one you both know so well as you shuffle around so you can lay against his chest, one leg hooked over him as his arm wraps around you to pull you even closer. A silence falls between you as he feels your eyelashes fluttering shut, tickling his chest. He can’t find that same relaxation, can’t seem to shut his eyes for the thoughts flying through his mind all at once.

“I should teach you how to catch them.” John states, rumbling voice interrupting the peaceful quiet in which you had nearly found sleep. “You know, for the future.” He adds almost flippantly. Almost.

“Why?” You hum groggily, sleep croaking your voice ever so slightly. “I got you.”

John has to pretend your half asleep admission doesn’t send his heart flying into his throat. You do always have him, right there in the palm of your hand. Always.

“I don’t think other guys would appreciate me barging into their house in the middle of the night.” He suggests, making you quirk an eyebrow in question, but you still don’t look up at him and he isn’t even sure if you’ve got your eyes fully open. “No other guys here,” you state, “Single, living all alone.” You add lazily. The words almost make John wonder if he has fallen asleep, each one spoke playing straight into the dream he’s had for years for you to be his.

“Yeah, I know but…but there will be, at some point.” He suggests. You give no response for a moment and he briefly thinks you’ve fallen asleep at some point in this conversation.

“Bet those other guys wouldn’t come get rid of wasps for me in the middle of the night like you do.”

“Maybe,” John shrugs, “but I think there’s plenty of guys like that, especially for you.”

He feels you shake your head against him, your words decisive as you speak;

“There are no guys like you, John Stones.”

His words and his breath are caught on his throat, his heart erupting in his chest as he replays those words in his mind, trying to figure out if he had actually just heard them or if his tired mind was playing tricks on him because it was so late and he hadn’t had enough sleep.

But then you look up at him with tired eyes and a sweet smile. You know what you’ve just done, know the bomb you’ve just dropped and you’re hoping with everything crossed that he feels the same way.

“You’re my hero, Stonesy.” You say softly, your voice now a little sheepish and he can barely just make out the flush of your cheeks in the dim room lighting. “And I love you with everything I have.”

He doesn’t know what to say, his eyes wide as his heart beats as erratically as he had felt yours beating when he first arrived with fear coursing through his veins thinking you were in some kind of mortal peril.

“John?” You ask timidly, voice sheepish as you sit up in fear.

“Sorry,” he rumbles, pushing himself to a seated position, allowing him to lean forward and slide his hand around the back of your head to pull you into him, your lips crashing down onto his.

It’s just about everything he’s ever wanted.

“God I love you.” He says against your lips, a groan leaving his throat from pure satisfaction, pure relief of finally getting those words off of his chest. You giggle, resting back against his chest. “Can we sleep now, please?”

He nods, both of you shuffling so you can resume the position you had been in before a life changing confession that had spun you and the Barnsley brunette into the kiss that had been years in waiting. This was the happiest either of you had probably ever been.

“Guess we have the wasps to thank for this eh?” John lulls just as sleep is about to encompass you. He feels you shiver against him, the hairs on your arms immediately raising to attention at the mention of that which you hate so much.

“Don’t say that! That’s basically an invitation for them to invade my house!” You hiss, giving his chest a gentle swat as he pulls you closer to his side.

“Let them come,” he says almost triumphantly, “You got me now, always.”

You cosy yourself against him, a soft sigh of complete content and comfort tickling his chest as it dances across him. He feels that gentle smile that settles onto your gestures as your heavy eyes allow sleep to truly begin to take you.

“Always,” you mumble, words diluted by sleep “My hero.”

[araveticazx]

levi watching shadow puppets as a child 

levi ackerman and mommy kuchel (canon! universe)

tags: mother-son bonding so there’s fluff, child bb levi, angst ;(

a/n: i am on a spree hlysht. enjoy it while it lasts and i just find tiny levi having a front row seat very cute >< 

When Levi was still a child, he would go to these shadow puppet shows that the underground city holds as a form of entertainment. 

This is pretty much where he first learned about the existence of titans and how they devour people living on the surface. 

Puppeteers would walk behind a chalky parapet, holding up puppets that would grow into gigantic creatures cast into the wall in the form of a dark shadow. Some people don’t believe the tales, not aware that these were inspired by real things on the surface which they haven’t seen yet. 

“Whatever, we’re safe here anyway.”

Even so, Levi finds himself engrossed with the vivacious performance. The other kids would be screaming from the realistic sound effects bouncing off the walls and he would still be right there, ever so focused.

"Don't you get scared?"

"Shut up, can't you see I'm listening here?"

When it’s late and he still hasn’t come home yet, Kuchel would find him having a front-row seat of the performance, eyes aglow from the fascination. 

It would take a little bit of pushing to get Levi to come home though lmao. 

“I want to see more...” He would whine with tears brimming his eyes as Kuchel would drag him by his arm. 

“Come on, Levi.” 

Levi would groan and soft thuds of his feet stomping would be heard, but he still complies anyway.

At home, would tell his mother everything that happened during the performance. Each detail reenacted with enthusiasm, little hands imitating the vague grotesque storyline. A lit lamp behind them serves as the light source. Kuchel would listen on curiously.

"Mama, what will happen when the titans come back?"

Kuchel gently laughed, pulling a worn-out blanket over his tiny body. "That is impossible, we are in the safest place in the entire world."

"But what if they do?"

Some loose strands ran astray on Levi's forehead, Kuchel considered giving him a haircut soon. "I guess the scouts in the Survey Corps will fight them off."

The Survey Corps, the group of elite soldiers tasked to venture into the world beyond the walls. Levi was perplexed when he heard of the existence of the world beyond the walls. He hasn't even gone to the surface, how much more beyond the walls.

Just how big is this world?

"If the scouts are that good, then they would've finished off the titans already."

"Good things take time, Levi."

"They're not doing a great job, Mama."

Continuing to taunt the lack of visible progress of the scouts, it wasn't in Levi's mind back then to consider joining the regiment. As if he is ever going to have a chance like that, survival comes first in his reality. The Corps will only consider those on the surface, Levi’s customary dirt and sweat will hardly be considered.

Sensing her son’s uneasiness, Kuchel would nuzzle her nose into Levi’s cheek, making Levi giggle, a giddy airy sound of evident mirth. A sound that Kuchel would want to hear every day. 

He deserves more than this life and Kuchel regrets that this is all she is ever going to offer to him. 

“There’s nothing to worry about, Levi, titans aren’t real.” She whispered, starting to get drowsy from all the work earlier. She’s just glad that she gets to be beside her son after a long day. 

"Mama, how do you know titans aren't real?"

"I don't," Kuchel softly pecked Levi's cheek and pulled him closer, not knowing that the future has greater plans for her son that would eventually lead him into becoming humanity's strongest soldier.

As for Levi, he also wouldn't know that it would be a blessing and a curse at the same time.

[imagineyouandharry]

Gypsophila (H.S)

Summary: Prince Harry has been under great pressure to find a wife, and he finds his Queen in a way far more unconventional than he could’ve imagined. 

Words: 5,730

Warnings: It’s a bit strange I guess? Idk lol.

A/N: Someone requested a Prince!Harry au forever ago, and then I didn’t really have an opportunity to write for a while, and then this idea sprung up on me and I’ve been lost in this little au for the past few days. It’s like a little twisted fairytale, taking inspiration from Snow White and Sleeping Beauty mostly. Part two is already a work in progress. If people are interested I’ll even put out a little sort of world building lore post with a map of the kingdom etc (I’ve been in DEEP). This part is a bit choppy and barely edited because I was just so eager to write it and get something out, but I would really appreciate any constructive criticism and editing notes! TYSM!! Long story short, enjoy!!!

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Harry Edward Styles did not believe in true love, in fact, he thought it was the most ridiculous idea ever. Harry’s certain he’s laid eyes upon every eligible young lady, from his kingdom and the ones surrounding, and he hadn’t felt a single thing when looking at any of them. He prayed every night that he would find his love the next day, and finally be able to put his parents out of their misery and ascend to the throne. At the age of 27, Harry’s the oldest person in his family to not be married, no one every waited this long in the royal family. He would’ve had an arranged marriage at 21, though when his parents suggested that he ran away on a sailing ship for two months. One thing was clear to him: though he may not have experienced love yet, he wasn’t going to ruin his chances at true by being forced into a loveless marriage. It wasn’t only Harry’s parents, but the entire kingdom that woke each day hoping to hear that their Prince had found his Queen. They referred to Harry as the Good Prince, his subjects adored him, and lived for his acts of charity and selflessness, and they only hoped he would find a Queen that would treat them the same.

Harry’s outlook on love changed however, after his most recent hunting trip. Sundays are for family and hunting, that’s what Harry was always told. No day was for Harry, he’d come to learn that. Living under a microscope meant for very little alone time, and almost no guilt-free alone time. He and his hunting party rode across the fields and out to the dense forest surrounding the kingdom, and over the two hour journey Harry found himself agitated with the topics of conversation going on around him. He wanted a break, tired of everyone only ever speaking about royal duties or politics. Harry had discovered a fresh water lake if he went off the trail, and when he realised they were edging closer to his favourite place he decided to excuse himself with the excuse of needing to fill his canteen.

The natural spring was a hidden treasure indeed. Harry’s entire kingdom was cut off from the rest of the world due to the thick forestland surrounding it. There was only one trail in, and one trail out, and even then only experienced riders were able to make the journey. The end of the trail, in the deep of the forest, was also often lined with thieves and outcasts making it not the safest journey. This spring wasn’t necessarily hard to find, however thick trees that lined the main trail hid the spring, the gorgeous wild flowers, and clearing of soft grass either side. Harry tied his horse to his usual tree, softly parting the bushes careful to not cause any permanent damage, and stepped his way through. His kingdom was full of hidden treasures like this, tucked away in places only to be found by those adventurous enough.

The sound of the running water was most prominent, however the closer he walked to the spring, the more he could hear a faint, delicate singing voice. Harry couldn’t recognise the song, but it was one he’d never forget now. It felt as though his heart dropped in his stomach, and he had to lightly scratch his arm on a branch to double check he hasn’t died and was hearing an angel of heaven sing to him. He walked closer, with quiet footsteps so not to disturb the singing. He knelt down to the edge of the spring and began to fill his canteen, looking around his eyes eventually focused on the source of his siren, standing in the clearing over the other side of the spring as she picked a bouquet of dainty flowers. Lavender, daisies, bellflowers, poppies. Her body was dressed in sage green, the simple dress showed she definitely was not from a wealthy family, but it was simple and beautiful in its own way. Perhaps she sewed it herself, it did look as if it were made for her. He could see her hair shine from here, and the features of her side profile were striking him even from a distance. She didn’t look real. The strange girl across the spring looked ethereal, like her beauty was too surreal for this planet. Had he hit his head? Was he seeing a forest fairy? He hadn’t even realised the staggering increase in his heart rate as he watched the girl, and listened.

He lost track of how long he had been watching her for, snapped out of his daydream when he heard a “Your Royal Highness! We must be getting on!” Harry heard shouting at him from a distance, most likely back where he had tied his horse. The girl had heard the faint noise and her eyes shot in Harry’s direction. His cheeks flushed with heat as their eyes met only for a brief second, before she ran away. The eye contact brought a slight curve to his lips, although she was leaving, at least he got another good look at her.

“Wait!” He called as he stood up, his hand and canteen dripping wet. His eyes softened as she simply left, looking back briefly in her stride, but he’d blown it. “God fucking damn it.” He cursed under his breath as he began to trudge back to his horse, his feet weighing heavy on the ground.

That was the most he’d ever felt, looking at the stranger across the lake singing as if it were for him, and he couldn’t help but feel like he’d just lost his future Queen. Half of him wanted to wade through the water and run after her, but Harry wasn’t a often disobedient Prince, when one of his parents or advisors told him to jump, his usual response would be “how high?” It’s ironic how for someone who’s whole life depends on finding his future Queen is given so little time to actually explore a social life, or love life himself. He was always set up with suitors who his parents found best. In the rare times he’s able to sneak away he’d gotten around, and most definitely wasn’t a virgin, but he’d never found a girl who had made him feel the way he wanted to feel about his future queen. He only wanted to please his family, and his realm, but this was the one thing where he refused to compromise.

Y/N was as far away from a future queen as it could come, or at least that’s what her step-mother wanted everyone to think. The entire town hoped to marry their daughters off to the elusive Good Prince Harry, however her step-mother only wanted her biological daughters to have that chance. When Y/N’s father passed away her step-mother sent her out to live as a recluse in a tiny cottage in the woods, she had always feared that her beauty would distract future husbands away from her actual daughters, and didn’t want to ruin their chance of being married. Each Sunday she drops Y/N off the supplies she needs, but that was the only human contact she was given. It wasn’t too bad, she managed to keep herself busy with sewing, baking, or whatever other art or craft she could think of and had the materials for. It was lonely though, and she was ultimately alone.

Well, if you don’t count forest fairies. Y/N hated being outcast into the forest, and spent most of her early months in the cottage crying to whatever wild animal she could find that day that would stick around long enough. Eventually, these wild animals started bringing their fairy friends along with them. They would spend their days with Y/N tending to fruit and vegetable gardens, watering plants, having picnics, and making daisy chains. Her life was simple, and although not one she asked, it was one she was growing fond of. Male company was something she could only imagine and long for, or read about in story books. There were dozens of fairies living in the forest, but she’d become particularly close to a group of some of the female fairies.

Each Sunday before her step mother visits, Y/N will pick her step mother a bouquet of flowers in attempt to win her over, in hopes maybe one day her sweetness will earn her way back into town. Y/N had total obliviousness towards her step mother’s plan, and towards what was going on in the city. This year, any woman over the age of 21 was to present herself to the Prince. Y/N’s 21st birthday fell on the day she was scheduled to be presented to the Prince. The letter had been delivered shortly before she was sent away to the forest, Y/N never laid her eyes upon it though. The letter outlined the royal guard would be coming to collect anyone who failed to present themselves on the day, and to Y/N’s step mother that meant the only option was to make it so Y/N never turned 21, or made it to her birthday for that matter.

Seeing the Prince most definitely did spook Y/N during that day in the field, if her step mother ever found out she’d had contact with a male there was no chance she’d ever be allowed to move back home. She did all she could think to do. She ran. She ran so fast that the petals of the flowers she had picked were ruined in her haste, quickly shutting herself inside the cottage to gather herself before her routine afternoon visit from her step mother. Sure she knew of men to be dangerous and terrible, but she feared her step-mother’s wrath more than anything any man could put her through.

Like any other Sunday, she scrubbed the house and dressed herself in whatever new garment she had stitched herself this week. The fairies had been busy this week and she’d had a great deal of time to herself, embroidering colourful flowers into the soft white linen of the new dress she had made. Her step-mother would bring her fabric and thread to sew dresses for her step sisters. It was something to be proud of, but most likely would be over looked. Little was said upon her step-mother’s arrival, but her character seemed off. Her step-mother’s eyes darted around, checking windows as she insisted on making the two of them tea. Y/N sat down at the small dining table, recounting tales of her week, ensuring to leave out anything about fairies or a boy. She watched a small bunny outside the window, forgetting to speak as awe overwhelmed her whilst she watched its tiny nose twitch. Her daydream came to an end when the sound of the ceramic mug hit the hard wood of the coffee table. “Drink while it’s warm, my love.” Her step-mother told her, sitting down in the seat at the head of the table beside Y/N. It wasn’t long after that that Y/N hit the floor, and her step-mother was shrouding herself in a hooded coat and sneaking out of the tiny cabin.

Elsie, a fairy most close to Y/N, who specialises in healing, came to the conclusion that she was only out for about six hours before the fairies found her. They did all they could over the following weeks to bring her back to life, trying as many possible rituals, potions, and spells to give life to her body once more. Nothing was of use though, and instead they decided to preserve her in a glass case in the clearing amongst the wildflowers. She had professed to them that the clearing by the spring had been her favourite place, so they saw this fit. Preserving her in the glass case was simply because the idea of her beauty decaying away made any of the fairies shriek. Fairies never communicated with humans, however Y/N was different. Elsie had always theorised that Y/N had magic in her blood. Amongst the many spells and rituals they tried to bring Y/N back, they threw in a spell that would hopefully bring her back with true love’s kiss. It was like a safety net, or a ‘what if?’ But they eventually tired and wore out, preserving her was well enough for now. They kept her dressed in the new dress she had crafted for herself, it was so beautiful after all. They had placed tiny baby’s breath flowers throughout her hair, and made sure everything was perfect. They even went as far to adorn her in delicate gold jewellery, with beautiful crystals of all colours. Her body rested upon a large rectangular slab of rose quartz.

****

Harry was dreading sitting in the throne room, while all the eligible females from the town were presented to him like livestock. It made him sick, and left a terrible taste in his mouth. All he could think of was the girl from the clearing. Is she a sign? Is he his ticket out of here? Was seeing her fate? Questions like that simmered over his mind and kept him awake at night, he had been sleeping little and finding it hard to focus on his duties. His best friend Niall was he closest confidant, the only one he had told about the beautiful girl in the clearing that day. Niall cared more for Harry than anyone, really. He didn’t just care about his fame or power or wealth, Harry was his best friend and he hated seeing his best mate so down about his love life and the pressure to marry a woman he doesn’t love. He made it his mission to find the woman, and his detective work lead him down a path he didn’t expect at all. First he went to the clearing where Harry filled his water in the spring, that was where he first noticed something over the other side of the spring that he couldn’t quite make out. He followed the spring and found an area narrow enough to cross, making his way to the structure he’d seen earlier. He didn’t know what to make of this discover, a dead girl in a glass coffin. ‘Forever at rest, only to be woken by true love’s kiss’ read an inscription on a gold plaque. He really didn’t know what to make of this. He didn’t know what to tell Harry.

Sweat lingered Niall’s brow as he made his way back to the castle to find Harry, to tell him of his discovery. “Look… I just need you to come with me and tell me what you think when we’re there.” Niall tells him, his voice somewhat breathless. Niall himself was still in disbelief, shock, his eyes wide as he shook his head. “I just- I don’t know what to tell you. You need to see it for yourself.” He adds.

Harry nods. “I’ll come immediately.” Harry tells him, his trust for Niall outweighing anything else going on in his head. Together they rode to the forest, crossed the narrow part of the spring, and towards where Niall had discovered Y/N.

“Is this the girl you were talking about?” Niall asks, however when he looks from the girl to Harry, he knows the answer. Harry couldn’t help but fall to his knees, pressing his palms against the glass as he looked inside. He noticed how long her eyelashes looked, and the freckles on her nose. His nose was almost touching the glass as he leant here on his knees at the side of her, taking her in up close.

“What happened to you?” He whispers, his eyebrows knitting together. Niall gives him a moment before he decides to mention the plaque at the foot of the structure.

“It uh, says something weird about being awoken by true love’s kiss. I don’t know if it’s true, and it’s revolting to think you would kiss a dead body for nothing, but someone has put her here. Someone made this. My grandmother in her old age would mutter stories about forest fairies and their magic… It just makes you wonder, you know?” He ponders, his eyes wandering away. It felt silly to bring up magic, it was something very commonly dismissed.

“Help me get this off.” Harry said as he brought himself from the ground, the soft grass had left green stains on his tan riding pants. He pushed the sleeves of his white linen button down up past his elbows, and the two men carefully lift the heavy glass case up off of the rose quartz Y/N had been resting on. It wasn’t easy, and the glass at the bottom dug into Harry’s fingers before they set the glass piece of the structure down on to the grass. “Alright. Here we go.” Harry said, in attempt to psych himself up for kissing a dead girl. She didn’t look dead though, just sleeping, you could only tell she was dead due to the missing rising and fall in her chest with her breath. “I might start walking back to the horses, give you some privacy.” Niall said, giving him a slight smile. He also didn’t really want to witness someone kiss a dead person, if she didn’t end up waking up.

“Good luck. Take your time.” He adds, part of him had no doubt it was going to work though. The stories his grandmother would tell him of the forest fairies were something he’d always held on to, those stories were amongst his most treasured memories. He’d always had some hope.

Harry waited until he could no longer hear Niall’s footsteps before he leant down close to Y/N, brushing a strand of hair back behind her ear. He took a moment, if this never worked it was going to be the last time he’d ever see her. He couldn’t fathom coming back to this spot if this didn’t work. His heart began to ache at the thought, it made his chest feel tight, and gave him the urge to rub at the spot.

“I really hope you’re who I think you are.” He whispers as he looks down at her. “This might seem like absolute madness. I don’t even know your name, but if you wake up for me, I swear to you I will be yours forever.” He began, to Harry this almost did feel like a ritual, it felt special, and the words he was speaking were amongst the most genuine he’d ever given life to. “I promise, I will protect you. I will provide for you. I will love you. I will never, ever harm you. I will love you until my very last breath, I just need you to do this one thing for me.” His voice was barely a whisper now, and breaking as hot tears welled in his eyes. He very carefully leant down, pressing his warm, puffy lips against her cold, smooth ones. He didn’t know how long to wait, but it didn’t feel wrong. It was a sweet, tender kiss. His eyes closed, and he felt at peace. It felt more than at peace. The long grass, wildflowers, and tree branches that surrounded them began to stir with wind, petals floating up into the gusts that took them. This girl had a tendency to make him feel like he’s dead and in heaven. Her lips slowly began to warm, and skin began to glow with heat. It felt like they were floating, as if the universe was made up of just the two of them. The flowers beneath him began to grow taller and more dense, and it began to feel like his heart was pulling towards hers. It felt like a tether had been formed, connecting their energy, he could feel as her heart began to pump blood again, and her energy radiate from her skin. It felt too surreal.

Slowly, Harry removed his lips to allow Y/N to breathe. He let a hand lay gently resting on her cheek as he watched her gasp for her first new breath, eyes shooting open as she looked up at him. It wasn’t shock she was met with when her eyes met Harry’s, but peace. The luminous green eyes that were gazing down upon her were like lighthouses, guiding her towards safety. So many questions began to race her mind as she came to reality, unable to decide which one to ask first. As if based on intuition, Harry decided to speak. “I uh- I’m not too sure what happened to you but my friend found you here today and brought me to you. I believe I saw you a few weeks ago, in the same spot. I’m not sure how long you’ve been out here, but there was this little plaque at the end of this thing here, that said something about a kiss to wake you up… I’m sorry for kissing you without your consent, but I couldn’t risk not taking this chance.” He didn’t mean to ramble or to overwhelm her with his spiel, but he was overwhelmed himself with everything that had just gone on. True love’s kiss. His queen. His true love. The other half of his soul, in human form. Y/N’s lips parted as if to speak, but nothing came out. She closed them once more as she sat up and looked around, swinging her legs off the side of the marble before looking back up to Harry. Her movement had disconnected his hand from her face, and they both longed for each other’s touch once more already. Her eyes began to well with tears as she began to think about how she got here, her last memories.

“I can only assume how overwhelming this must all be for you… We can stay here as long as you need, it’s just us. When you feel ready for it, I can take you back to my home and we can get you showered and fed. I don’t mean you any harm.” Harry doesn’t even need to add that last sentence though, because she can feel it. She can feel his love for her, she could almost hear it if she listened closely enough, as if his heart was now beating a song for her.

Harry stood back, as if to give the doe eyed girl some space. She looked at him as if he was the most precious treasure on Earth, he’d never felt so overwhelmed with love. This was followed by her delicate hands reaching out, taking ahold of his as she brought herself to stand in front of him. “Is it alright if you hold me for a second?” She asked softly, needing time to process things.

It had been so long since she had been touched affectionately, she couldn’t really remember it. Her father was never affectionate, nor her step mother or step sisters or anyone else she’d met. She felt comfortable with the stranger in front of her though, and didn’t have the energy to resist the magnet like force pulling her towards him.

“Of course.” He responds, his voice soft as he wraps his arms gently around her frame, pulling her into his warm figure. Harry was like the perfect, giant teddy bear… but he wasn’t really that soft. Pressed against him she could feel how chiseled his features are. Her arms wrapped around his waist as she relaxed into him, cheek against the skin of his chest kindly revealed by the first few buttons of his shirt being undone. “What’s your name?” He asks, tangling his fingers in her hair to lightly rub his fingertips against the tender skin at the back of her neck.

“Y/N Y/L/N. Yours?” She asks, looking up to the tall, broad man.

“Harry.” He decides on leaving out his royal title or last name.

“Just Harry?” She asks, her eyebrows raising.

“For now. We have plenty of time to talk about me later.” He notes, removing the same rogue strand of hair as before from her cheek, tucking it behind her ear. It was almost as if her hair had a life of its own, breathing, like the other flora growing in the forest. He had noticed the baby’s breath in her hair, though her hair moved, they remained in the same places, as if growing out of their place on the strand of hair. “What do you last remember?” He asks, needing to know if whatever put her in eternal sleep had been by accident, or as an act of malice. She looks back away from his face, resting her cheek once more against his chest.

“My step-mother, Styephania came over, she made me tea. That’s all I can really remember.” She said, unable to stop the disappointed sigh from escaping her lips. Maybe she’d had a freak health accident, like a stroke. Just because she’d been mistreated by her step mother her whole life, didn’t mean she was capable of murder. She knew her step mother didn’t put her out here though, this was the work of fairies. They were looking on, hiding in the bushes as they stood witness to young love blossom in front of them, not wanting to disturb the two of them. “I look crazy, and it sounds crazier saying this, but I’m certain the forest fairies are responsible for looking after me and putting me here. The day she came over was the day I think you saw me here, and I’m not sure how I’m meant to feel but I don’t feel like I’ve been a dead body since then. I feel like no time has passed at all.” Harry avidly listened to her speak, her voice like caramel, seeping in his ears and warming his whole body. Harry wasn’t phased by her mentioning fairies, Niall had suspecting this being their work earlier. It was the only explanation Harry could think of. He couldn’t understand why her step mother would leave her here, why she wouldn’t find her help.

He didn’t want to worry his sweet girl now, he wanted to make sure she felt alright, safe, and cared for. His grip on her wasn’t too tight, but firm in a comforting way. “The plaque… It mentioned how you’d only be woken by true love’s kiss.” He figured the longer he waited to tell her the stranger it would be. His cheeks were red, as if embarrassed or ashamed to tell her about the plaque, how strange it all was. Her eyes met his, and the connection gave him whiplash. He couldn’t peel his eyes away, getting lost in the little pools. He wanted to know everything about her, what she liked, disliked, what she ate for breakfast, her favourite songs, flowers, secrets. Everything.

“I don’t know if I know what love feels like. The only men I’ve spoken to are all twice my age. I wasn’t really allowed to see boys. You’re definitely much, much more beautiful than I would’ve imagined a man to be, and I’m certain that my heart is literally beating for you now, since you woke me.” She tells him, the descriptions of heroes in stories she would read, or how she would imagine the older men to look when they were younger, were incomparable to Harry. The compliment made his cheeks flush. With each beat of her heart, it was as if it was pulling her closer to Harry, calling out for him, begging for him to love on her and soothe the ache in her chest.

“How has God made something so sweet?” He mumbles, he hadn’t even realised he’d said it out loud at first. “You’re breath taking. The most beautiful woman I’ve ever laid my eyes upon, and trust me when I say I’ve seen a lot of them. Even from far away, the first time I saw you… You make me nervous. You make my heart race, and my palms sweat, and I get butterflies in my stomach and nervous when I think about saying the wrong thing or not having you like me. It’s as if you’ve been carved by God himself, like he was showing off when he made you so beautiful. I wish I’d met you sooner.” Those last words burn his throat, how easier the last few years would have been if he had just been able to find her sooner.

*****

Harry sent Niall back to the castle first, having him instruct everyone to clear out the path that the Prince and his soon to be queen would take to his suite, he didn’t want to spook her with people around. The guards had to stay though, non-negotiable. He also had Niall ensure the doctor was on standby, just to check on Y/N and stay in the castle over the upcoming weeks in case anything else happened. Security was going to be increased, and tightened, and a warrant put out for her step mother.

The two hour horseback ride to the castle would give them well enough time to get to know each other, Harry and Niall had also switched horses, Niall’s being the slower of the two. “I don’t want to startle you when we get there. I also don’t know how to really tell you this. I’m in the royal family, so the guards and whatnot are something to just be ignored. They’re for your protection. I don’t know if you heard much of what I was telling Niall earlier, but you’re going to be very safe here, and we’ll find out what happened. I’ll look after you, I promise.” His eyes are ahead as he speaks, looking over the vast green fields ahead of them once they eventually emerged from the forest.

“Still just Harry, to me.” She reassured, sensing his nerves about revealing this information to her. His shoulders relaxed at her reaction, and a smile formed on his lips when his mind began to wander into what their future may be like. His queen.

“Hey, one day that’ll be King Harry to you.” He joked, thankful that it was received with a laugh. Her laughter was almost as sweet as her songs, and for the rest of the journey he made it his mission to mine as many possible laughs out of her as he could, like little nuggets of treasure. After making their way through the fields that lined the forest, they went down a long road that served as a divide between two of the castle’s towns, and at the end of that road just past a small valley of mountains was a sight far more glorious than Y/N had imagined. Her village was a small village that contained mostly candlemakers and dressmakers, and it sat further to the east, people only ever going out there to purchase fine candles and clothing. It was niche though, and not many could afford the fineries the master crafters in her village would create. Y/N hadn’t even really seen a home larger than a cottage, Harry’s castle looked large enough as if it could contain its own little world, a complete wilderness of towers surrounded by fine gardens, protected by a large moat with a standalone drawbridge. Harry didn’t even need to announce himself, the drawbridge was already in the process of being lowered for him.

“I had Niall clear our path, I don’t want to overwhelm you. I’ll introduce you to everyone when you’re ready.” Harry reassures her, she hadn’t even thought of anyone else though, too in awe of the sights around her. Flowers she’d never seen before laced these gardens, with fine marble sculptures and fountains protruding from them.

“I can’t believe this is your home.” Y/N whispers, unable to think of anything else to say.

“Your home too, if you’d like.” Harry replies, though his words immediately shrouded him with nerves about rushing Y/N into anything. It was stupid, they were each other’s true love’s, but it felt wrong being strangers, so Harry tried his best to conceal things. He’d never been in a conventional relationship before, never mind whatever this arrangement is or was going to be. He just knew he wasn’t meant to rush things, so he tried to refrain from expressing his feelings as best as he could. Her arms around his waist tightened, Y/N needing to feel as close to Harry as possible. He held the reins in one hand, the other arm resting over hers around his stomach, holding on to her arm to make sure she couldn’t let go.

“I’d like that.” Y/N reassures, gently rubbing his side to soothe him. Harry was too caught up in his own feelings to pay attention to how calm Y/N was. She could feel his anxiety though, and continued to try to soothe him as best she could. Y/N knew very little about Harry so far, but what she did know was that he was kind, caring, and had a lot of worries. She’d never been a worrisome person, and if anything would even refer to herself as naive, it was something she’d always been almost ashamed of but in this moment felt like maybe she’d been made to be by Harry’s side. Y/N liked the idea of spending her days being Harry’s rock, a voice of reason. She’d rather a man like this than one who had no emotions, that was for sure. It could’ve been whatever was now eternally bonding them, but she swears she was feeling his emotions, able to see his aura if she really studied hard enough. She sunk into him some more, her arms around his waist, cheek resting against his back. Harry made sure to take it extra slow, giving his love enough time to appreciate the flowers. She seemed to like flowers, and his mother took pride in this being the most beautiful garden amongst all of the kingdoms. He couldn’t wait to show her all the fineries that came with his life.

[onlymexsarah]

Can we please get more Prince Friedrich? Maybe meeting his family

Prince Friedrich | The sweet taste of sin

I had few informations so I let my fantasy take the control. I hope you like it, otherwise write me and I’ll do something else for you😘

MAIN MASTERLIST

Summary: Kinda the Sequel of “Prince Friedrich | Jealousy” Prince Louis Charles and Duchess Frederica of Prussia come at the end of the season to see their son and meet y/n Bridgerton, the lady who had taken the heart of the Prince, but there is more…

Pairing: Prince Friedrich x Bridgerton!reader

A/N: so I made some researches about our lovely prince Friedrich and I found out that he never become a king because he was the cousin of the actual King, and now everything makes sense to me. Also, I’ve learned that the Prince’s and Duchess’ marriage wasn’t a happy one, because they didn’t love each other :( Prince Luois Charles should be dead, he died three years after Friedrich birth, but it would be too much complicated so we are going to pretend that we sucks in history and none of us knew it, alright? ;D

warnings: my english :)

PREQUEL 1 - PREQUEL 2

Here we are, the end of another scandalous London season.

Surely, it has not been boring for everyone. We had found out the diamond of the season, and found out that sometime a pearl can take the most requested heart.

The Duke and Duchess of Hastings are organizing evrything for the last ball of the season, how many scandals it will bring to us?

There are rumors about a separation between the two; was their love just a flame that with the first rain had been turned off?

Well, what we know is that the Duchess’ sister, Miss Y/n, is still enjoying her newborn love with her Charming Prince, and I am more then happy for them.

It seems that Duchess Frederica and Prince Louis Charles of Prussia are coming to visit our lovely Queen Charlotte and their son, Prince Friedrich, is this the only reason? Lady Y/n Bridgerton had been seen quite nervous in these days, fear to meet your future father and mother in law, dear?

What I know far now is that the Prince hasn’t proposed yet, and this could bring doubts in the mind of a young Lady in love. Instead of walking between the streets of the city, the Prince had invited her to see the Palace’s garden more often, but don’t be surprise if you find yourself in front of them; it must be remember that Lady Bridgerton is still one of us, she can’t stay away from her normality too much.

I ask myself what the Royal Family will think about that...will they accept her or they will take the Prince away to return in Prussia and found themself a wife for him?

When it will happen, I’ll be the first to find out. But no need to worry our future Princess, you will charm the Duchess and the Prince as you had charmed Prince Friedrich.

“‘Normality’? Now being normal it’s bad’“ you said offended looking the paper in your hands.

“I am sure she meant nothing bad, my dear.” said your mother sweetly sit in front of you. You were drinking tea at the park all together, your family and Friedrich. He insisted to spend time with them to know all your brothers and sisters, and you couldn’t be more than happy. There were times when Hyacinth and Gregory weren’t polite and quiet as all of you, but he didn’t mind instead he started to play with them or just listen what they had to say.

“There is nothing to worry about, Y/n. In this months I learned to ignore Lady Whistledown’s words if they are not nice things toward someone.” Friedrich said resting his hand on yours that was on the table. You smiled to thank him turning to focuse on the paper resting now on the table in front of you.

“Lady Whistledown had written only good things about you two, sister. I think she likes you, together.” Colin said standing behind your mother chair looking the children in the park.

“Yes, I know...” your voice was a whisper and yu weren’t sure if he had heard you, but you couldn’t move away your eyes from Lady Whistledown’s words. Will Friedrich’s parents accept me? I am not a princess, how can they like me?

Since you knew about their arrival the doubts started to hunt you day and night. The dram of thr last night kept repeting in your mind; you had arrived at the Palace to meet Friedrich, but in the Great Hall you had seen him and Cressida getting married telling the guards to take you away. You knew she would be a better princess then you; she had the behave and the submission that you had never had. You couldn’t deny thet they would be a perfect couple together, but yet he had chosen you and the fear that he might see the mistake he had done when you’ll meet his parents scared you.

The Prince saw a shadow crossing your face while everyone started talking again. You were in your own world with the eyes focused on nowhere and an empty smile on your face.

“I would like to take Miss Y/n for a walk, if you agree Miss Bridgerton.” said Friedrich kindly. Hearing your name woke you up from your trance looking him first and then your mother.

“Of course you can, Prince Friedrich. Y/n is not the one who likes stay sit for a long time.” she said happy. He had always made sure to have her approvation for everything you did together; he valued her thoughts as much as Anthony’s.

“You are right, mother. I find the walks very healthy, indeed.” you took Friedrichìs hand that was kindly offered by him to help you to stand up. Intertwining your right arm with his, you started to walk hearing the footsteps of his guards behind you. They never left him evem when you had lunch at your house, but you didn’t mind, it was for his own safety and you didn’t want anything to happen to him.

After a while, when your family was out of hearing, he took an orange lily at his right and raised it in front of your face. “A flower for your thoughs.”

You took the beautiful flower in your hand with the first true smile of the day. “Thank you, my Prince. I am sorry if I’ve been revelead to not be a good company today; just...”

“Thoughs.” he finished your sentence understanding. It had already happened sometime that the two of you finished each other’s phrases; it was lovely for the other people and funny for you. “They might be about what Lady Whistledown wrote? When you call me ‘my Prince’ means that something if wrong.”

You brought the flower at your nose to smell its perfume. “Well, I like how it sounds, my Prince.” you smiled amused seeing him lowering his head and laughing. “But it’s not just that. Lady Whistledown had been in our life since months now, I’m used at her words...” you took a breath looking around. “Your father and mother are coming... They might expect that the one who took the Prince’s interest is at least a princess as well, but they are going to see that I am just...me.”

“I stop you here, dear.” he stopped in the middle of the little bridge of the park bringing you in front of him. “They don’t expect nothing if not what my letters said about you, and you know who they are going to see?” he took the flower from your hands breaking the stem and slowly putting the lily in your hair over your ear. His hands made you feel butterfly in your stomach; you didn’t know what your body desired, but you were sure that the little few times he had touched you weren’t enough. “They’ll see that the woman who took my heart is the most clever, beautiful and wonderful woman in the world. Because this, my dear Y/n...” he brought your hands to his mouth kissing them sweetly making you blush with a shy smile on your face. “is who you are.”

“I do not know what I did to deserve your heart, Friedrich, but you took mine long time ago, and I know there are no safest hands that could hold it.” you both stepped closer at the same time finding yourself with only few inches between your bodies. Your chest were almost touching, his breath a little above your lips and your hands still in his big ones. His big blue eyes didn’t leave yours, looking for few seconds your sweet smile.

“I promise you that I will take care of it as you are taking care of mine.” after a while still looking in each other’s eyes, you started to walk again laughing and joking and at the end of the day you felt more relaxed.

You slept all night, and when in the morning Mary, your waitress, came to wake you up you had almost forgotten Lady Whistledown’s words and you were ready to see Friedrich and apologies for the behave you had the day before. You were worry for nothing, even when Mary dressed you and styled your hair who you saw in the mirror was a Lady who looked like a swan in her dress.

When you entered in the living room all the eyes were on you; your brothers stood up quickly while your mother hid something behind the pillow of the couch. “Is everything alright?”

“Yes sister.” “Nothing wrong.” “You look nice in that dress.” they said almost at the same time nervously.

“You are odd.” you said shaking your head and walking toward your mother. “What is happening?”

“I have to tell you something, my dear. Sit down, here.” you sit on the couch beside your mother still confused by the reaction of everyone. “You see, we had found out a thing...you don’t have to-”

“The Duchess and the Prince are here in London!” yelled Hyacinth excited. Your breath froze, the air seemed to be stone because you coudln’t move and all your eyes could focus on was your mother in front of you who now was yelling at your little sister.

“Mama, tell me they are not the Duchess and the Prince of Prussia.” she looked at you sorry trying to find the right words to calm you. “Brothers! Tell me they are not.”

Benedict and Colin ran away from the room closing the door behind them and blocking Anthony with you. He turned around with a nervous smile on his face studying your body language. Impossible. You have grown up hiding your true feelings, with a smile on your face and ready to nod whenever you didn't share the same ideas of your interlocutor because you were a woman, and you had to appear polite not smart. But in a family like yours you couldn’t care less, indeed Anthony could see the bright light of the fear in your eyes.

“Yes, dear sister, the Duchess and Prince of Prussia are arrived tonight. Lady Whistledown talked about it in her morning paper.” he said walking toward the couch that was in front of the one you and your mother were sitting on.

“S-so they’re here.” you looked your mother terrified. “Friedrich said that they would have spent the first few days at the palace or around the city, so I don’t need to worry for now.”

The door opened and one of your manservant enterd in hurry. “Lord Bridgerton, Lady Bridgerton, Miss Bridgerton...” he bowed to all of you. “Prince Louis Charles and Duchess Frederica of Prussia have requested your presence tonight to dine with them at the Palace.” your eyes got wider froze on your seat unable to say something. “And...Duchess Frederica had requested your presence personally, Miss Bridgerton. She wish to know you better and...talk.”

His and your mother’s eyes were fixed on you while Anthony looked in your direction with the corner of his eyes trying to not laugh at your terrified face. “Tell them we will be there.”

The manservant bowed and walked away closing the door behind him. That day all the housemaids, waitress and waiters had the orders to help Anthony, Lady Violet and you in any ways possible to male sure that you would be ready for the dinner with the Royal family. No one questioned your absence around the house, they were all to busy to notice it.

You were in your room, sit on your bed looking the wall opposite of you with Mary beside the mirror waiting for your orders. Nothing was worse than think that all your time with Friedrich, all your laughs and your conversations could be swept away just with a worng word, awkward movement or with the wrog dress.

The fear of losing Friedrich was more painful than you expected. It wasn’t because he was a Prince, no you couldn’t care less about his title when there were just the two of you together. You liked his company, his humor and you had a thing for his voice; sometime happened that he told you thing in german making you loose your mind. You felt save around him, and it wasn’t because the guards always with him, but you knew that he would never let something happen to you; he would protect you with his own body if neccessary. And then, there was the physical part; you liked his eyes, his curly blonde hair, you liked his being taller and muscular than you, you liked when his big hands took yours or when he would put his hand on your wait during a dance. He made you feel strange feelings in your body, feelings you could not tell anyone about.

You..you loved him? What was love? Love was the one that shared your father and mother; love was the feeling that kept together your family; love was Simon who married your sister to not let her fall in a scandal; maybe love was Colin who would refuse to dance with any ladies to dance with Penelope... you were sure that love was the smile on your mother’s face at the wedding of Daphne and Simon.

Was love the flower in your hair? Was love the book on your bedside table that had a sweet note from Friedrich? Was love the fact that he forbide to you and your family to bow when you meet? Was love the shivers you felt on your back everytime you were extremely close to him? Or when he spoke in your ear?

You weren’t sure if what you felt was love, maybe the love arrived after the marriage, or maybe after the first child, but something strong must precede it, right? The same strong feeling you felt inside your chest all the time you thought about him. If it was love, if there were a thiny little chance that what you felt was the true love that mother used to talk about then you had to fight and keep it. No Prince, no Duchess and no Queen could take it away until you said so.

You stood up walking in front of the wardrobe opening it and then turned around to look at Mary whose eyes were already on you. “Mary, I want to look like a princess, tonight.”

“I promise you, Miss Bridgerton, you will be the most beautiful Princess that the world had ever seen.” she said smiling and starting to search the right dress among the ones that your mother made you buy from the modist.

“I’m fine with just the England and Prussia.” you smirked slyly.

Hours passed and finally you were ready to take the carriage with your brother and your mother. Benedict spoke to you before your departure, complimeting your beauty and reassuring you that everything would be fine.

He was right, you were beautiful. Your dress, long and bright blue Bridgerton had gems on the top and the bottom was simple but elegant. You didn’t want to wear to much jewerly, they weren’t your type, so instead you decide to wear a necklace choker with a small diamond in it. Your long arms were free and around your shoulder was a shawl of a colour little more lighter than your dress.

When the door of the throne room opened in fron of you the nervouness made you almost faint. Sit on the thrones were Queen Charlotte and a beautiful woman you suspected to be the Duchess; Friedrich was standing beside the Queen and his father beside his mother.

“Your Majesties: Lady Viole Bridgerton, her son Lord Anthony Bridgerton and her daughter, Miss Y/n Bridgerton.” the guard announced you. You three walked toward the throne smiling even thought you didn’t know who to look at, so you watched the Queen and the Duchess until the end and then, before bowing, you looked at your Prince who was already looking at you and both of you smiled at each other.

Staying bowed in front of the Queen felt like the day you’ve got present to her along with Daphne, but this time Prince Friedrich was there and coming to your side he offered you a hand. You took it and stood up smiling at him. Even thought you charmed him with everything you did, he didn’t want to see you bow in front of him; it seemed like everytime you did it a wall grew up between you two.

“Your Majesties, it’s a honor to all of us to meet you.” said your brother raising up beside you with your mother.

The Duchess stood up and with her husband walked toward you. You couldn’t read their expression at all. The Duchess was a beautiful woman with long blonde curly hair and the Prince was as tall as his son with white hair and a kind face.

You smiled trying to relase your nerves, they both seemed kind and Friedrich spoke about them a lot so yoi kinda knew that they weren’t difficult people, but still their looks made you feel a bit uncomfortable.

“Friedrich didn’t give justice at your beauty, sweetheart.” the Duchess said smiling allowing you to leave a breath of relief.

“You are too kind, Your Grace.” you smiled shyly. You didn't know what to say or what to do, should you say a compliment as well?  

"It's a pleasure meet you, Miss Bridgerton. My son talked a lot about you, all good thing of course.” said his father smiling and kissing your hand.

“I’m flattered, Your Grace. I hope Prince Friedrich didn’t lie too much.” they laughed and invited you and your family into the dining room. You and Friedrich walked together behind your brother and his father and in front of your mothers while the Queen led you through the halls.

“Prince Friedrich?” he asked looking at you with a eyebrow raised offering his arm to walk closer.

“They are the Duchess and Prince of Prussia, I cannot call their son by his first name. It’s inappropriate!” you said amused intertwining your arms together, enjoying that little touch.

“Are you nervous?” he asked kindly giving a quick look behind; your mothers were speaking together whispering and looking at the two of you.

“Why should I? There is my brother, and there is you at my side. I have everything I need right now.” you miled seeing his face light up.

“Then I promise you I will never leave your side until you order me so.” he took your chair like a gentleman helping you to sit and then he sat beside you.

“I think you will have to keep your promise for a long time, Friedrich.” you gave him a sweet smile before looking the others at the table.

The Duchess was sit in front of you beside your mother, you were between Friedrich and your brother while the Queen and the Prince were at the two heads of the table. You offered a smile to everyone noticing that the Duchess’ smile never left her face while you spoke.

They made you questions, what you liked to do, where you met Friedrich and the Prince asked you to tell them about your travel with Colin leaving you surprise by such kindness and curiosity. Friedrich took every chance to speak with you and your mother, wanting to make both feel comfortable, but the Duchess commited herself in a lot of conversation with you.

Once the dinner was ended you hoped that you and Friedrich could have time to walk away like usual, but the Duchess surprised you again.

“Miss Bridgerton, can I have the honor to walk with you a little?” she asked making your eyes grew wider. Friedrich tried to say something but his mother sushed him. “Don’t worry Friedrich, I only want to know her without you men around. Come sweetheart, you can show me the garden.”

You gave a smile to Friedrich trying to reassure more yourself than him. You walked with the Duchess out of the dining room with two guards behind you. “Your Grace...just know that the honor is mine...” you said shyly trying to break that silent.

“Please we are alone, call me Frederica now. My husband is the one who follows the rules.” she took your arm kindly, but you could feel that it was different from when was Friedrich the one who took it.

“I am not sure if I can do it, Duchess.” your sincerity made her laugh.

“Friedrich told me that. You are really a sweetheart, aren’t you?”

“I hope so, You Gra-F...Frederica.” you got out into the garden. The moon was full illuminating all the flowers and the fountains.

“You learn fast! Come, sit down with me. Here, good.” you sat confused starting to wonder the real reason of that walk. “Now, I wished to speak with you alone for a long time.” you nodded to let her keep going. “My son is a charming man, and many women fell for him even before knowing his title. Hi’s handsome, I’m aware of that, but still his heart is kind and big and it’s my duty as a mother to make sure that it will not break for the wrong person. So, I can trust you and leaving his heart in your hands?”

“Of course you can, Your Grace. I have no desire to make Friedrich unhappy or even break his heart. I would never, never do such thing. ” your heart was beating faster and faster afraid that one wrong word and the Duchess would walk away forbidding you to see her son again.

“Good! You can come back to my son then, I’m sure he is worried for you. I’ll stay here to enjoy this beautiful night.” she said relaxed looking the sky. You watched her astonished...did she really believed you? Didn’t she need a speech or a proof?

She seemed so in peace with herself, like that was the happiest moment in her life. You could run away, you could return to your Prince and spend time with him. It was what your body wanted, indeed your legs made you stooding up and walking away. Few steps and your consciouness made you stop, you couldn’t leave her there with just those words.

“Your Grace...” she looked at you like she was already expecting it. “My father died when I was little...I don’t have many memories with him, he was a busy man, but I knew he loved all of us.” she smiled sweetly taking your hand to make you sit again. “I grew up with the stories of my mother about how much they loved each other. It was my favorite tale when I was little and my biggest dream now...you see, I don’t know what is love, I don’t know how to recognise it, but I promised to myself that I would have married for love, the same love that my father felt for my mother and vice versa, the same love that keep my mother waking up every morning alone in the same bed she once shared with the love of her life.” the Queen had tears in her eyes with a hand in front of her mouth. “In your son I found a friend, I found someone with who I can share interests and hobbies. He makes me feel above the moon, and I hope I do the same at him...I don’t know if this is love, but I assure you that nothing will change my feelings for him and could God never forgive me if I will break his heart.”

She hugged you, strongly and warm as your mother was used to do. It didn’t feel strange that the Duchess of Prussia was hugging you, it felt like a second mother. “My marriage was not for love, but I made sure that Friedrich knew the meaning of it. My biggest desire is that a day he would have what I didn’t, and I think I can trust you, dear Y/n.” she smiled wiping away the few tears she had on her cheeks. “Go, we have made my son waiting enough.” you returned inside laughing with the Duchess leaving all of the people inside the living room speechless. “Oh, hi honey. I’m sorry if we did late, you two will make up for the lost time in these days. Now it’s late, should we going to sleep?”

“I agree, Your Grace. Come Y/n, it’s quite a long journey.” said your mother standing up from the couch looking for Anthony who was speaking with the Prince.

“At this time the street are dangerous, Lady Bridgerton. Are you sure you don’t need some guard with you?” asked Queen Charlotte concerned.

“Thank you, Your Highness, but I have to refuse your offer.” Anthony said bowing and taking his hat.

“Such nosense! The Palace has hundreds rooms at least, you could stay here for the night.” Prince Louis suggested looking Anthony for his approval.

“It’s too much, Price Louis. We don’t want to disturb Your Highness even more.” he said polite looking the Queen.

You and Friedrich shared a confused look, what if you would spend the night there? You could see him in the morning and maybe he would walk you at home to stay together longer.

“In some way or another Lady Bridgerton we are destined to be family...” the Queen said looking at you and Friedrich quickly making you both blush. “So I don’t see any problem to let you sleep here for a night. Prince Friedrich wuold never forgive me if something happens to you.”

With astonishment in the face of all of you Bridgerton, the waitress showed you the rooms where you would stay. All the three of you got separeted at some point and you had no idea where were the rooms of your brother and your mother; you didn’t even know where you were.

Your room was huge, full of paintings and books. There was a canopy bed in front of you, the blankets were white, pure as a flower that must be took yet; just like you.

You let your hair free from all the haripins, the long waves caressed your back while you let the dress fell down. You took the corset away, breathing again like you had been drowing; you would sleep in your petticoat that was of the colour of your dress.

Once the curtains were closed, you were ready to go to sleep when you heard someone knocking at your door. Sure that it was your brother or your mother you went to open it before gasping in surprise. Friedrich was in front of you, not in his usual uniform, but with a simple beige shirt and black pants.

“Y-your Gr...I mean Friedrich. I didn’t expect you to come here.” you were afraid; afraid of how easyly seemed in that moment to fall and commit a sin without being seen, and you couldn’t let it happen.

“I know, I am sorry to disturb you. I wanted to make sure if you were ok...I don’t know what you and my mother talked about...” he said smiling. You let out a breath; of course he wasn’t there to tempt you, his intentions were true and it wasn’t his fault if you felt such strange feelings inside you. He wasn’t aware of the battle your body was having with your mind.

“You are so kind, Friedrich. I am more than fine, your mother is really the sweetest person I’ve ever met.” you offered him a smile. “I thank you for your though, but it would be not appropriate if some one see us here alone...”

“I-I know and it was not my intention to insult you in any way coming here. It felt strange being in the same place but not being together...I missed you, Y/n.” you felt your heart melt at his words making you close the door behind you so that you were in the desert hall together.

You took his hand bringing it to your cheek. You close your eyes for few moments enjoying his warm against your skin. “I missed you too, Friedrich, but I had to assure your mother with some business.”

You smiled to each other while he came closer to you with a step. You had never imagined that being at the same distance as when you dance would be different if you two were alone. There was no reason to stop, there was no reason to compose yourself if no one would be able to see you, and you were scared that there was nothing to hold your body to take what it craved so much.

He kissed your hair letting your forehead restin on each other. You noticed that his breath had got heavier just as yours and you had to close your eyes to focus on the situation and not on his lips so close to yours.

He cleared his throat caressing your cheek with his thumb. “A proper gentleman would leave, wishing you a good night and telling you he would wait the morning to come so he could see you again.”

“And a true Lady would thank you for your words and praying to the morning to come faster so that the hours spent alone wouldn’t be too much.” you whispered taking big breath. You felt something tickling inside your stomach, your legs shaking and shivers were emanated from his other hand that now was gently rested on your hip.

“Can...can you hear someone approacing? Listen carefully.” both of you staied silent trying to control your breaths so that you could hear better.

No noise arrived at your ears, only the whisper of the night that brought sinful suggest. You shaked your head slowly, not wanting to break the silent that was hugging you, hiding your bodies from the people out there.

He opened his mouths few times, trying to say something but the words died in his throat. He was distracted by so many things...your skin under his hand, the blush on your cheeks... he was drunk of your parfume and your breath on his lips was like a magnet to him; a magnet too strong for his own soul.

He brought his lips on yours, slowly and kindly, leading you on the street of the pleasure. Your body was completely under his control; your hands went to caress his hair while his hand that was on your cheek lowered slowly on your neck. His thumb kept moving on your skin while the hand went on the back of your neck, knowing that you would not be the first to break the kiss, but keeping your body hypnotized by his touch.

He kept his movement slow even when the kiss got deeper. You were sure he knew what he was doing, because when you felt your legs shaking even more he made your back rest on the door closed behind you.

Your body knew what to do, your lips moved with his like it was something you had done every day, and oh god you wished you could. Now that you had tasted him, now that you were feeling his lips on yours and his hands touching your body like he never did, you wanted more. You were sure that you couldn’t have enough of him from that day on, because once you know the sweet taste of a sin, you can’t stop.

[thepriceofbeingaroseisloneliness]

Toshiya’s Creativity Vol 7: Looking back at Life This time, as Toshiya’s birthday is getting closer, we asked him to look back on his life. From his childhood to boyhood in Nagano and moving to Tokyo after his awakening to music. And the present. Memories, present and future…. Blessed with good weather, we did this interview in a localisation where you could feel the arrival of spring.  “For me, music is the most stimulating thing. It was a way to escape from reality” “I think it’s a miracle I met these 4 people.” “When you are standing on stage in front of the audience, you should be a special person that nobody can’t replace”

Notes before reading: This is from ‘Toshiya’s creativity’, the serialization done by Ster Edge Magazine and later compiled into a book with the same name. This is Vol 07 (Ster Edge 006) , which was published in March 2018.  Originally, I planned to post this for Toshiya’s birthday but....life.  Feel free to correct me if you spot any mistake or any confusing parts. Links or credits to this post when the content is reposted or captured in other SNS is appreciated :)

------ 2017 marked the 20th anniversary of the formation of DIR EN GREY. Toshiya also had the opportunity to look back on the history of the band at various locations. This time, we asked him to look back on his ‘life’ just before his birthday on March 31st. How did he feel at that time? What did he realize at that moment and what does he think now? It was an interview that gave us a glimpse of his enigmatic way of thinking and a part his feelings. Toshiya is from Nagano prefecture. He says the environment in which he grew up was "a normal countryside one” in “a normal family”. In our previous talk with Hide TANAKA, a flower designer who is a childhood friend of Toshiya, which was published in "Toshiya's Creativity Vol6", he talked about his childhood, but  we will explore this further,  in a bit more personal way. When he was asked about his oldest memory, he folded his arms, thought for a moment, and then opened his mouth. “This memory comes quickly to my mind. There was something like an agricultural cooperative bazaar/rummage sale being held near my grandparent's house, and I think they took me to it. I was very impressed by a child of the same age as me at that time who was lost and crying alone. So, I remember holding my grandpa and grandma's hands tightly and saying, ‘Don’t lose me!’ (laughs).” His grandparents' home and his home were close, so he often went out with his grandparents from an early age. “I was close to my grandfather and my grandmother. I remember I was the type of child loved by the elderly. I’m still quite in contact with my family and relatives, we have a good relationship. But it wasn't something special, it was normal for me at the time. My hometown is a normal countryside town, where  nothing is  like this city, it feels like there are only mountains and rice fields. I also liked drawing at home and playing outside. I was playing like a normal country child would do.” Young Toshiya seems to have grown up in the nature of Nagano. It seems his parents also respected the things he wanted to do. “I was in a sports boys' team, a baseball team, and I practised kendo. I feel like I certainly did what I wanted. I liked physical activities. I wasn’t strong or weak at sports, after all I was normal (laughs). My parents taught me soroban (Japanese abacus), and in junior high school I attended a cram school. I think I got a textbook to study English through radio lessons. I just pretended to play the abacus, and I wasn't good at it at all (laughs). " Toshiya was a boy who was devoted to sports. He talked to Hide about playing the guitar when he was young, but was he interested in music and instruments at that time? “No, no at all. My mother's brother used to play the guitar and I was just using that guitar as a toy instead. More than playing, I was killing time. It felt like that. At that time, I had no dreams for the future. When I was told to write about my dream for the future, I just wrote ‘be a salary man, like my father’. I think that was the safest choice (laughs). The children of my class said ‘I want to be a police officer’ or ‘I want to be a pilot’, but I wasn't interested in what I wanted to do in the future at all.” He said ‘normal’ many times while talking about himself in the past but while listening to his talk, he didn't feel like that for some reason, he had a mysterious aura since he was a boy. He said the thing that young Toshiya was more interested in was ‘wild ideas/fantasies’. “I think it was like that in the past. Didn’t you have any ‘wild idea’ /fantasy on your way to school or coming back from it? I liked that kind of thing. As I liked Gundam, I thought ‘I want to ride one’. Sometimes I went home with my friends, but more often I went home alone. It was about a 30-minute walk from my house to school, so it was days of spending all that time doing that (laughs).” Perhaps he was a boy who had his own world and the strength to be alone. “No, no, I didn't think deeply about that. I never felt scared to be alone…. the reason I went home alone was it was easier for me to go home alone (laughs). I'm older than my siblings, so I grow up as an only child for a while. That’s why it was normal for me to be alone. Most of the boys and girls I played with were older kids who lived near my house” Toshiya, an elementary school boy who often played with older boys and girls who lived in the neighbourhood, gradually got more chances to listen to popular songs at his senpais' homes. Boøwy was the catalyst for him to have an instrument. “Boøwy was a cool band that older seniors listened to. When I got into middle school, there were about one or two people in the class who liked Western music. When I became friends with those guys, I was told ‘You are still listening to Japanese music?’ (laughs). From that moment, I started to dig deeper into Western music.” Then, that Toshiya in middle school becomes more and more absorbed in music. It was around this time that he started to have in his mind that he wanted to play an instrument. “Besides Boøwy and X…..From overseas… I listened to Van Halen. Then, bands like Europe, Guns N'Roses,Bon jovi….. as it was the golden age of LA metal (glam metal), I liked that kind of stuff. I listened to the X’s single ‘Kurenai’ at home. That song starts with a ballad-like part, and then it gets fierce at once, but when I was playing it at first, I could hardly hear any sound. I still remember that suddenly it made a loud noise when I turned up the volume, I was surprised and desperately turned down the volume (laughs). " As Toshiya told us this funny incident, for sure there are many people who had a similar experience. What elements of these bands inspired Toshiya in middle school? "The music was exciting, but the fashion and performance were shocking ... Every band was very unrealistic. It seems that I was taken to a different world at that time. The feelings were very strong.  Since TV was the only way to collect information, I think the influence from TV on me was huge.” He has been absorbed in band activities since high school. The first thing he got in his hands was a guitar, not a bass. He doesn't have get the chance to play the guitar on stage right now, but he uses the guitar to make songs. "After all, I started playing the guitar because I admired some guitarists, but I thought 'It's difficult to play with 6 strings. It's a little easier with 4 strings.' After all, I thought it would be easier if there aren’t many chords to hold down. Also, I thought the bass was in a position that didn’t stand out much compared to other instruments, so I thought it would be interesting because that means there were many interesting possibilities about playing” Toshiya, who liked drawing since childhood, went to an art school while being in a band, after graduating from high school. Although he is good at drawing, he eventually chose the musical path. “I didn't want to get a job after graduating from high school, but I didn’t want to study something either. However, I liked drawing, so I asked my parents to attend an art school. At school, the places where the people who graduated there got a job are displayed at the corridor, isn’t it? I was looking at that and I thought ‘Ah? I don't think many people can get a job in the world of drawing’. I don’t think there are many jobs available when it comes to drawing. I thought ‘I like drawing but as this is more a hobby than a job, there is no point in spending money to study it. I’m going to spend my time doing what I like’. After all, I left the art school in about a year. After all, you only live once, and I may regret not doing what I want to do…..That's why I decided to go on the path of music for real. Music is the most stimulating thing for me. Making music was fun and I think it was a bit an escape from reality. I could be a different person than the one I was in my daily life….I wonder if these ‘extraordinary things’ became an stimulus for me.” Immediately after that, Toshiya goes to Tokyo to be fully into band activities as a band man. An era in which the Internet is hardly widespread it was important to move to make his own path. He took action and met various people. “When I went to Tokyo, I met and talked with several people. I was told often that ‘those who move out their hometowns had already won’. I thought there was no chance  if I stayed in the countryside and I started doing band activities quietly. There may be various risks and scary feelings, but if you really want a chance, you have to go to the place where there is information. Of course, I think that taking no action is also one of the options. There may be a way to improve your skills locally, or you can go out to the city to seize opportunities, and I think it's up to you to decide which one to choose. I met the members (of DIR EN GREY) in Tokyo, so I think I wouldn't have been in this band if I hadn't come to Tokyo. " "I think it was a miracle that I could meet the other 4 members” Toshiya, who met Kyo,Kaoru, Die, and Shinya, moved to Kansai and started band activities there . In 1997, DIR EN GREY was formed. They made their national debut in 1998, and made his major debut in 1999 with the release of the singles "Akuro no Oka", "ZAN-" and "Yurameki".  He thought ‘Because I only have one life, I may regret not doing what I want to do’, and took action. About three years later, Toshiya's life changed. "I think most people in the music world are like that…..At that time, I didn't know what I was doing, but I was confident. I think it's a little scary when I think about my confident at that time. I had such a simple idea that in a way or another, we were going to make it. That's why I didn't think anything strange, the biggest thing was that I didn't have any strange fear. As I grew up, I started to think about things I hadn't thought of before. I was getting more and more involved with people, but I didn’t have that kind of thing when I was young. I think that was the biggest driving force. When I look back on it now, I feel envious of that feeling that nothing was going to stop me.” It was a brilliant  and sensational success. It was probably the tremendous power of these five people that attracted that success, which the appropriate world to describe it would be “comet”. A comet that seen from a distance was very beautiful but, how did DIR EN GREY feel about it, being the comet themselves? “We didn’t fully understand the situation we were in. There was a strong feeling we were getting into a world we didn’t know. We were an active part of that, but it felt like we were outsiders. At that time, music had a stimulating sense of unreality but also the fear that it became real started to spring up. At that time, it felt like that many times. DIR EN GREY was called the “last boom” of the scene we were in and I think we were lucky. There was also a part of us that tried to not be absorbed by that boom” DIR EN GREY’s activities have been very creative since then. From this formation until their debut, the band didn’t lose their spirits and kept their aggressive stance. Continuing to present things with a strong emphasis in musicality and fashion making a distinction in the middle of that ‘boom’, they built a unshakeable fortress called DIR EN GREY. “At that time, various media such as TV and magazines talked to us, but we tried not to go in that direction. I was influenced by TV in terms of knowing music, but when it comes to my own work, I didn’t think about becoming the kind of musician that appears on TV. Of course, I thought it would be the best if we got TV exposure but…..at some point, there were things that cold me off. ‘This boom won’t last forever’, it’s easy to get on that boom, but once the boom is over, it’s gone. At that time, I might not have thought so much about it, but I instinctively felt that it was dangerous to get into that boom” It’s not just Toshiya, all DIR EN GREY members agreed. “Sometimes thanks to the boom and the media, they (the listeners) get to know about you. I think it’s the best way to get people know about you but, I also think it’s really dangerous. I think there were some people who succumbed to that kind of excitement. We were cautious because we were the only ones who could protect ourselves, no one else would protect us.” Because DIR EN GREY decided that it was dangerous to get drawn by that boom, they were able to pursue the music and expressions they wanted to do in a deeper way. A different strength from that boom. “That’s right…. We didn’t really understand what happened, we couldn’t say ‘ we did this so this happened after’, there were moments we relied on ourselves, but there were also moments that we relied on others. I guess that balance was good. However, we tried to not get into that wave of popularity as much as possible” DIR EN GREY continued to run ahead of the boom without appearing in the mainstream media, toured Asia in 2002, achieving the first overseas expansion. Due to changes in music aspects, the attention they got from overseas increased and in 2005, they performed in Berlin, marking their first solo concert in Europe. From there, they started to held live performances around the world. Their music spread to the world in proportion to the rise of the Internet. Their journey was so innovative in the music scene that many artists used them as their role model. Should it be called ‘a miracle’ caused by  a natural sense of balance? “I think this (the overseas expansion) was something rare for us. ‘Something like this is what we want’, ‘It would be good if you could show this or that’……we were told these kind of things so maybe it (a miracle) happened. First of all, I think it’s a miracle I met these 4 people.” Toshiya said this a little shy smile.  There aren't many bands that have been so active for 20 years without changing members or stopping their activities. It's a miracle. “Because it’s an aspect that you can’t control…the things you do and the people you meet. I think it’s a miracle in that sense as well.” After 20 years, there were changes as an individual person, and there were changes in the way they interact with music. He says it's not just about music, ‘No matter what you do, if you make a mistake, you're done’, he adds. “Everyone calls me an 'artist', but I don't feel like one. The easiest thing to say would be ‘free person’ (laughs).  As I don’t have the experience of a normal working life, waking up at the same time on weekdays mornings, getting on the same train every day, rather than an artist, I would say I’m a free person. However, if there is a misunderstanding, I come to think of myself as ‘someone special’ who can’t live a normal life. It’s dangerous and scary. But humans are creatures that make mistakes (laughs).” Is it his way of saying that there was a “misunderstanding” in the past? “Well, there is. I made mistakes. That's why I'm scared. At the time of the debut, the number of adults  I didn’t know increased around me. No matter what you do, many people was moving. That became something common. But that many people come, means that many people also leave…. Shortly after my debut, a friend from Nagano told me two things. One was ‘it’s good you can do what you like’, and the other was ‘Did you start a band to be admired/ to be pampered?’ Those words were quite a big deal for me. I thought I couldn't stay that way, so I had to change my way of thinking a little more. The words this person told me made me feel sad but then I said ‘Isn’t it good? Why you don’t try to do your best too?’ (laughs).” Toshiya laughs and says ‘I want to be a person with an ordinary consciousness’. His way of talking and manners are soft, giving an impression that he is a person who has nothing to do with the word ‘rude’. “In my teens,  my senpais were unconventional and  I admired a lot their messy behaviour but unfortunately,  times are very different now. When we were children, we thought about what to buy and how to use the money we received for New Year's  but nowadays  children seem to save money. It might be good to do something unconventional and have a dream in such a conservative era, but I'm not that age anymore. Now, if I do something like that, I’d be in a difficult position (laughs). That’s why being a person with an ordinary consciousness would be the ideal”. “When you stand on stage in front of  the audience, you should be a special person that nobody can’t replace” When you ask him about music activity, the talk extends to other topics that are not limited to music. The concept of the brand 'DIRT 100% Natural Dirty' produced by him is 'unisex real clothes that can be worn in a wide range of occasions from casual to formal’, the design  not only affects the clothes but also the spaces that surround your daily life. Toshiya proposes and produce unique and original clothes for daily life.  The fact that the words ‘life’ and ‘everyday’ are included means that for Toshiya, as music, his brand production and life are something that flows together, not something that can be separate from each other. “There isn’t really a distinction. But both, music and brand production, I can’t call them ‘work’. Of course I can’t remove the business part of it but I don’t think it’s work. This interview is also part of my job, that’s why I’m definitely switched on my ‘business mode’. If you like something in a pure way, you shouldn’t make a business of it. Of course, I make music and produce clothes because I like it, but the truth is that you can’t just do something because you like it. That’s why I think I have to do it. For example,  of course I would say ‘I want to do this’ to the company but  saying NO to everything that the company suggests, like ‘I want you to do this, I think it’s just selfish. If I’m allowed to do what I want to do, then I have to do also what the company wants me to do, otherwise, it won’t work. If you just want to do whatever you want,  it would be like ‘why don't you do it by yourself? I think I'm doing it with several people because I can't do it alone.” It might be because of this that the band DIR EN GREY continue to be active with the same members. It’s  only because they have their own opinions but also they have the capacity to listen and absorb other people’s opinions. “I have a firm ideal within myself. However, there are times  you will realize things listening to other people’s opinions and absorbing them. When you have a talk with several people that are experts in something, new opinions that I didn’t know before are born. I often think that it’s like the scales fall from my eyes, and it leads to new discoveries. There might be a reason why we don’t aim to “do things by ourselves’. It's not that music and brands can't be done alone…. I feel that if I go alone, I might make a mistake. Going back to I said before, if you think of yourself as 'special', I think it's not going to go in the right direction….But it's an exception when you stand on stage in front of the audience. , you should be a special person that nobody can’t replace” No matter how good a person is, they may stop at some point. Toshiya was no exception. However, he says with confident ‘I still have many things that I want to do’. “I've often thought ‘this is my limit’. I have thought many times ‘I don't have any ideas, I don't like it, it's hard’..... But then, I’ve always come up with ideas and images such as "I want to do something like that" or "Let's do something like this". I've been doing something like that all the time….I think my desire for expression will never run out. I don't think things can be made from scratch. Everything is imitation of something,  an arrangement of something….I think that’s the trigger for the ramification of creation.  In your daily life, you can see various things and various things will happen, so I hope to reflect in my work what is happening at that moment.” Will Toshiya reach a turning point in his life soon? In the last talk, he wondered if he would become an adult when he is 50 or 60 years old. He also said he wanted to be 50 or 60 years old soon. He set his mind on the idea of ‘You only have one life, if you don’t do the things that you want, you’ll regret it’. Until now, he has devoted his life to the band so is he satisfied with that or is there any regrets? “It’s half satisfaction, half regrets (laughs).  I think I have more regrets, though. When I was in elementary school I thought that at my age I would be living in my hometown, I’d be married and would have kids…’I wish I had done that at that time’….’I didn’t do that’….things like that, if I start mentioning them, there would be no end. But you can’t do anything about the things you didn’t do, I think the perception will change if you look at it with regrets or as a reflection. Sayingt that ‘I could become an adult once I’m 50 or 60 years old” means I entrusted to my future self, things I can’t do now. It’s a way of escapism, though(laughs). I feel like the things I can’t do now will be easier in the future and the range of the things I’ll be able to do will be wider. I will pursue forever the person I aspired to become when I was a child. I think it’s a human thing to do that.” Toshiya’s voice “I requested this photoshoot to take place somewhere near the sea. Since my birthday was closer, I did an interview looking back on my life. If anything, it felt like the interview was important. As we went to Odaiba, the travel time was longer. The talk about the Olimpics in the car was exciting.

[timelesslords]

baby, just say yes

Read on Ao3

Summary: 

“Okay, then. Marry me.”

Annabeth waited a beat before rolling over to stare at him. His face was dead serious, but Annabeth still thought he might be messing with her.

“What?” she asked. It seemed the safest thing to say.

“Marry me.” he said, again, simply.

Annabeth never appreciated New Rome as much as she did on Sunday mornings.

They didn’t have class, homework could wait until later, there was no chance of a monster attack, and, best of all, Annabeth didn’t have to get up at the crack of dawn to slip out of the Poseidon cabin before anyone noticed she had spent the night. She and Percy could just lounge around together and be lazy for half the day, before one of them finally got up and made breakfast.

It was starting to get a little late, but Annabeth couldn’t bring herself to get out of bed. It was comfortable and Percy was there. Plus, they were deep into a discussion about the architecture of the city, which only made Annabeth happier and more unwilling to move.

There was one temple in particular that Annabeth had only seen photos of, but it looked incredible. It was Juno’s, which was unfortunate, because Annabeth would really love to sketch the ceilings for her design class. 

“We should go see it,” Percy said, “It sounds amazing.”

“I wish,” Annabeth sighed, “But Juno loves to torture me. Nobody can go in unless they’re married.” 

“Okay, then. Marry me.” 

Annabeth waited a beat before rolling over to stare at him. His face was dead serious, but Annabeth still thought he might be messing with her.

“What?” she asked. It seemed the safest thing to say.

“Marry me.” he said, again, simply. 

“Are you being serious?” 

“Why wouldn’t I be serious?” 

“Uhh, I don’t know,” Annabeth said sarcastically, starting to count out reasons on her fingers, “We’re barely 21, we’re not even done with college, we’ve barely even  lived  together—” 

“We’ve known each other since we were 12, college is dumb, and we’ve made it two months living together and we’ve barely had any problems, so—” Percy said, folding each of Annabeth’s fingers down with each rebuttal.

“College is not dumb.” Annabeth countered. It was his weakest argument, but unfortunately it was also her lamest reason. 

“Okay, fine, college isn’t dumb,” Percy said, waving his hand dismissively, “but waiting to get married because we’re still in college is dumb. It’s not like we haven’t experienced the real world or whatever, we’ve been doing that since we were kids.” 

“Yeah, but that real world is different than like, being an adult, with a real job and a real apartment and bills and—” 

“How could that be harder than fighting in two wars and literally crawling through hell?” Percy asked, only he was grinning now, because he knew he had her. She hit him with a pillow in retaliation, and he laughed.

“You’re impossible,” she said, trying to sound mad, but it wouldn’t quite come out angry.

“You just don’t like that I’m out-logicing you,” Percy said, a little smug.

“You are not  out-logicing  me,” Annabeth huffed. 

“Okay, give me one good reason why we shouldn’t get married, then,” he said. That dead-serious look was back on his face. Annabeth would have preferred him to be smug. 

“Well, first of all, you don’t have a ring. What kind of lame proposal is that?” Annabeth said, knowing she was just stalling for time. 

“Who says I don’t have a ring?” Percy asked, straight-faced. The look on Annabeth’s face must have been extraordinarily panicked, because he sighed, looking defeated.

“I don’t actually have a ring ‘Beth. You can put off your heart attack.”

“Oh thank gods,” Annabeth sighed, covering her eyes with her hands. That really would have been too much too soon.

“But I can  get  you a ring, so that’s really a non-issue,” Percy continued, undeterred, “Next reason.” 

“Everyone’ll think I’m pregnant,” Annabeth grumbled, hands still over her eyes. That made Percy laugh.

“They’ll just assume that we’re crazy for each other and also madly in love,” Percy said. 

“And also that you knocked me up,” Annabeth added, moving her hands to her forehead and looking over at Percy. 

“In which case it would be my fault, and we would share the embarrassment equally,” Percy said easily, grinning. 

“That’s not even how it works,” Annabeth complained, “It would be way more embarrassing for me. Even though it's not true.” 

“We can print ‘Annabeth is not pregnant’ on the wedding invitations,” Percy said, because it was his turn to make her laugh. 

“Yeah, that’ll shut up the rumors,” Annabeth said, trying to ignore how the thought of wedding invitations made her stomach turn. 

“Okay, I concede that pregnancy rumors are at least half-way a valid reason. But I’m going to need at least one more,” Percy said. 

“At least?” Annabeth protested, “Is my potential humiliation not enough for you?” 

“Mm. Not quite. I’m sharing at least 25% of the embarrassment, so it cancels out a bit.” 

Annabeth wanted to argue that 25% was too high a percent, but he had chosen the number well. It was, to Annabeth’s calculations, fairly accurate. 

“Why can’t we just wait?” Annabeth asked. She hadn’t meant for the words to come out as seriously as they did, but she saw Percy’s expression shift from joking to sincere anyways. 

“If you want to wait, we can wait. Forget I brought it up” 

She knew he meant it, and she was really tempted to take up his offer and forget about it. They had talked about marriage before, in an abstract way, and Annabeth hadn’t exactly been  opposed, but he’d never asked straight up either. She had been clear that she wanted to be with him for the rest of their lives, but they’d never discussed a timeline for when they wanted to do things. 

But it had slipped out so easily, and so sincerely. He really did want this. The least Annabeth could do was talk about it with him.

“But  you  don’t want to wait,” Annabeth said, rolling onto her side to face him more directly. Percy shrugged with one shoulder.

“I love you. I want to be with you forever. Why wait?”

“If you want to be with me forever, why do it at all?” Annabeth asked. Percy frowned, little lines appearing between his eyebrows. 

“What do you mean?” 

Annabeth hesitated, unsure how to put her feelings to words. Marriage had always given her a kind of weird feeling, nervous and a little repulsed. She was sure a psychologist would have a field day digging up why, but she didn’t really care to know. It was only the prospect of doing it with Percy specifically that made it tolerable to her at all.

“I love you,” she started, slowly, “And I want to be with you forever. But why do we have to put this weird stipulation on it? Why can’t we just be with each other?” 

“We could. I’ll be with you however you want to be with me,” Percy said, reaching out, and brushing a stray curl behind her ear. Annabeth tried not to sink too much into his touch. She couldn’t afford to be distracted now.

“But you want to get married,” Annabeth protested. 

“Yeah. I do.” 

“Why?” 

To Annabeth’s relief, he didn’t look at her like it was a weird question. It would have been fair, it was a weird question. But he could tell what she was asking, what she was  really  asking. 

“I dunno, I can’t really explain it,” Percy admitted, “I guess I just want to make that promise to you, that I’ll always love you and always be there for you, sick or healthy and rich or poor, or whatever the words are.” 

Annabeth couldn’t help but laugh a little at the end of his statement, and his own lips turned up in a smile.

“You’ve already promised me all that, though,” Annabeth said. 

“Yeah, but this time it’s official. Something bigger than just you and me,” Percy said. 

And maybe that was it; the wrinkle that wouldn’t let her just dive in and say yes and get married at 21 like every other lovesick young adult. Promises. Because a promise made was just a potential promise broken and the more official it became, whether in a prophecy and a knife or a ceremony in front of all their friends, the worse the fallout would be.

“What’s wrong with just promising it to ourselves?” Annabeth asked. 

“Nothing at all.” 

“But you really want this,” Annabeth sighed. 

“Don’t say you’ll do it just because I want to do it,” Percy said. 

“But you really want it?” Annabeth asked. Percy took a second to answer, biting his lower lip the way he did when he was really nervous. 

“Yeah. I really want it,” he admitted. 

Annabeth studied his face, every earnest line marking his expression, right up to the crinkles in the corners of his sea-green eyes. 

She tried to imagine being married to him,  really  tried. Not just in an abstract sense, but what it would look like, what it would feel like. To her surprise, it didn’t seem that different from what they had now. Maybe even better, in some ways.

They were already so much more than boyfriend and girlfriend, they had been for a long while. Soulmates was a cheesy word, but she did honestly and truly believe Percy was hers. And while the thought of actually  getting  married was a little horrifying still, the thought of  being  married to him was a little exciting. Having people understand, at least a little bit, what they meant to each other made her feel warm inside.

And he wouldn’t break his promises to her. He was the only one who had kept every single one, and a stupid piece of paper at city hall wasn’t going to change that. 

“Okay,” Annabeth sighed, finally. 

“Okay?” he asked, a hopeful smile creeping onto his face. 

“Okay, I’ll marry you, you dumb idiot,” she said, unable to keep a smile off her face either.

Before she could continue, he leaned over and kissed her. She could feel how happy he was through his lips, and it was supremely difficult to break away, but she knew she had to or she would get lost and her stipulations would slip out of her mind, never to be seen again.

“I have demands, though,” Annabeth said, finally pulling back. Percy laughed, loud and earnest.

“I would expect nothing less.” 

“I don’t want a big wedding. Actually, I don’t want a wedding at all,” Annabeth said, trying to suppress the shudder that crept up on her at the thought.

“Easy. We can elope. Next,” Percy said. 

“Really?” Annabeth asked. She had thought that might be a bigger deal to him, but he just shrugged. 

“I want to be married to you, it doesn’t matter to me how we do it.” 

“Even if I say I wanna go to Vegas and get it done with an Elvis impersonator?” Annabeth asked, only half joking. 

“Can we really?” Percy asked, his eyes flashing with excitement.

“Maybe? If we— okay, no, I have more demands, put a pin in the Elvis thing.” 

“I’ve pinned it,” Percy promised. 

“Okay. I don’t want a stupid gaudy ring, it's not practical, and diamonds are unethical anyways,” Annabeth continued. Percy nodded. 

“No diamonds, got it.” 

“I want to keep my last name, or hyphenate or something. And if I do change it I want to wait until we’re done with school.” Annabeth said. She was a little nervous about this one, but it didn’t seem to bother Percy.

“We could both hyphenate,” Percy suggested, “Jackson-Chase has a nice ring to it.” 

“Chase-Jackson sounds better, but we can deal with the details of that later,” Annabeth said, waving her hand. 

“Okay, I’m putting a pin in hyphenation order. Next.”

“I don’t want to send announcements or anything. People can find out when they find out,” Annabeth said. 

“Okay, but we have to at least call my mom and Paul,” Percy said. Honestly it was impressive he had gotten so far without even a small amendment to her asks. “And Piper is going to be really pissed if you keep it a secret from her.” 

“We can call your parents,” Annabeth promised. 

“And Piper?” Percy asked, raising an eyebrow. But the thought of telling her best friend besides Percy was getting less cringe-inducing by the minute. Annabeth actually felt herself getting excited about Piper’s potential reaction. She would absolutely freak out in the best way possible.

“She can be our witness. If you’re cool with that,” Annabeth said. Percy grinned. 

“That sounds great.” 

“Even if I ask her to make it as irreverent as possible?” Annabeth asked. 

“We’re getting married in front of Elvis, I’m not sure how it gets more irreverent than that.” Percy said. 

“We put a pin in Elvis,” Annabeth corrected, “But I’m positive Piper can somehow make it even more irreverent if she puts her mind to it.” 

“Never thought I’d know an Aphrodite kid so willing to ruin a wedding,” Percy said fondly. Then an excited look flashed across his face.

“Plus, she won’t be able to stop herself from talking about it, and then we won’t have to tell anyone.” he added. He sounded so triumphant Annabeth had to laugh. 

“You’re right, that’s perfect. So, when are we doing this?” 

The smile on Percy’s face faltered slightly. 

“Are you sure you want to do this? Because we really really don’t have to.” 

Annabeth hesitated slightly. In truth the idea still scared her a little, even with Percy’s promises that they could do it in the most goofy, non-traditional way possible. But his insistence that he would stand by her with or without getting married was the thing convincing her. If she asked him to drop it now, he would, and he wouldn’t bring it up again, even though it was a big deal to him. 

And really, it wouldn’t be such a big deal to Annabeth as long as they didn’t make it feel so official. Breaking a promise you made in front of an Elvis impersonator felt much less disastrous than breaking a promise you made at city hall. But it didn’t even matter, because Percy would never break that promise anyways, no matter where he made it. 

“I want to be with you. And you want to be with me,” Annabeth said, “It’s a little weird for me, but if you want to do it, I’m down.”

“Okay. Cool,” Percy said, letting himself smile again. It was so radiant it just about chased away every last shred of lingering doubt Annabeth had. Not to mention the few added advantages to being married that had popped into her mind in the last few minutes. 

“Plus, we’ll get a better tax refund,” Annabeth added, and Percy collapsed into laughter. 

“I love you so much, I don’t even care that you’re marrying me for the tax benefits,” Percy said, rolling over and kissing her again. Annabeth let this one last longer, let herself sink into it.

“We’re getting married,” Annabeth said breathlessly, when they finally separated. 

“We’re getting married,” Percy agreed, grinning. 

So, maybe the institution of marriage was weird and a little sexist in origin and reminded Annabeth of old prophecies and old promises. But that was in the past. Percy was the future,  her  future, and wanted to have every single moment possible with him. 

They were going to go to Vegas, and hire a random guy dressed as a 50s rockstar off the street and have Piper make the whole thing as ridiculous as possible. And then they were going to live the rest of their lives together, maybe as the Jackson-Chases, (or if she had her way the Chase-Jacksons), and she would finally have a word to describe Percy besides “boyfriend” which had been woefully inadequate for years.

Plus, her rebate next year was going to be  awesome. 

Annabeth grinned. Maybe marriage wasn’t so bad after all. 

[yourgoldengirls]

Lonely

Pairing: Rick Grimes x F!Reader

Summary: After the fall of the prison, the reader finds herself alone with baby Judith mourning her family while trying to survive.

Warnings: angst, fluff

W/C: 3360

Ao3

A/N: Yes, I am writing this while there is a HUGE list of assignments that I am currently ignoring. Please enjoy my attempt of failing college. If you like it, please reblog and leave a comment. This is my first time writing fanfiction so I am open to criticism, but I am also a sucker for compliments. English is not my first language so if there is any mistakes please let me know.

--

She doesn’t remember ever feeling so lonely.

Of course, before all this she was always alone, living in her small apartment in the city and working in her cubicle.

But now, as she sits in an abandoned car in the middle of the desert road with the baby in her arms, she feels lonely.

Before, she didn’t know what was like to have a family, to care and rely on someone, to share your fears and joy and journey with people that care deeply about you.

So yes, before she was alone. But she wasn’t lonely. She wasn’t missing anything.

You can’t miss what you never had.

Now, while she is scare and hungry in the middle of the apocalypse holding an already asleep Judith, she feels lonely.

Now she misses her family.

She misses Carl’s laugh and jokes, and the way he would always come to her when he wanted to talk about his fears or when he wanted help to prank his father.

She misses Maggie and their late night talks in the guard tower while they were keeping watch (their apocalypse sleepover, as they like to call) when they would just pretend to be two friends in the normal world gossiping about the neighbors and boyfriends with Beth.

She misses Daryl and his shy demeanor, how he always would hunt for them even when they already had food enough as a way of showing he cares without having to say it.

She misses Glenn and his sweetness, the way he would always make sure she ate something before taking shifts clearing the fence. The way he took care of her as she was his little sister, since he found her in one of his runs back in Atlanta and toke her to the camp without questions.

She misses Michonne and her sass, they afternoon training and how she never lets anyone touch her katana but agreed in showing her how to use it.  

But most of all she misses Rick.

God, she misses him so much it hurts.

Their relationship was complicated at first.

Back in Atlanta, they became friends. When he showed up, she had already formed a strong bond with Carl, so it made sense she would also become close to his parents. Lori had always trusted her with Carl when she was not around (a.k.a in the woods screwing Shane) so the boy started seeing her as a source of comfort and protection.

When he was shot back in the farm, she was by his side every day, reading and playing games until he was strong enough to leave the room.

She held him when they found out about Sofia. Dried his tears when he cried at night. She was always with him while his parents were dealing with their broken marriage.

When they lost the farm and went back in the road, she would take care of him, giving him her food and coat at night. With Lori pregnant, Rick was always looking after her, giving her his food and making sure she and the baby wore the safest they could be in the apocalypse, with monsters everywhere, so she took upon her to worry about Carl.

Rick was constantly worried about the baby, starting to lose his mind trying to find a solution to keep everyone safe. But there is so much a man can do at the end of the world.  

So, one night when everybody was sleeping and he was up keeping watch, he broke down.

--

She was laying next to Carl, holding the boy, and trying to keep him warm the best she could. The others were already asleep, but she could never keep her eyes close these days. Always worried she would never open then again.

So when she heard sniffing noises she knew it was Rick, the only one awake besides her.

Carefully not to disturb the kid sleeping next to her, she stood up and when to sit next to him.

"Hey"

Rick look at her and gave her a small smile, too tired to try and hide his tears from her.

"Wanna talk about?"

He just kept looking at her and sigh. Looking at him up closely, she saw how exhausted he looked. He was thinner, his hair and beard were longer, and his eyes had dark circles around. She knew she didn’t look much better.

"I’m scared." he whispered so quietly that if she weren’t so close, she wouldn’t be able to hear it. "Everybody is counting on me and I just.. I don’t know what to do. I’m disappointing everyone."

In that moment she looked at him and she swore he never locked so small. So unsure of himself. The strong and forceful leader of the group was nowhere to be seen.

"Hey, that’s not true. We all know that you are doing your best." she told him, eager to comfort him, to take him away from those demons that was starting to craw up on his shoulders.

"What do you do when your best is not good enough?" he asks her looking so lost, hoping that she had the answers to all his questions and could fix him somehow.

She then took his wands and forced him to turn and face her, to look her in the eyes, hoping that what she had to say next could penetrate his skin and comfort him best if he had all his attention fixed on her.

"We are going to be okay, Rick. As long as we are together, we are going to be okay. We’re going to figure it out. I promise."

He just looked at her and smile, squeezing her hand but didn’t let go.

"Plus, you are going to have another baby soon. Can’t go around losing all hope now, right?  If anything, we have to try harder." she tries to bring his mind in something to look forward to, something to keep going.

"Is not my baby." he says and she is more confuse than ever.

"What?"

"Is Shane’s baby." he says and his voice is so small that she thinks that she heard wrong, but the look in his face tells her she didn’t.

"Oh, Rick.."

She then takes his face in her hands and he cries harder, letting his face fall to her shoulders while she holds him.

She holds him until his tears dry, then his head movers from her shoulders to her lap and he closes his eyes while she plays with his hair until he falls asleep.

They found the prison two days later and he hugged her so hard she thought her ribs were going to break.

--

After that night, they became closer and closer. Like Carl, he starts to look for her when in need of comfort and reassurance. They would be constantly talking and making plans for update the prison, going on runs together and always having each other’s backs.

When Lori died giving birth, she didn’t allow herself to cry. The moment Maggie show up with the baby in her arms and Carl with that devastated look in his face, she knew she had to be strong for them. The tree of them.

So while Rick was grieving, she was taking care of his kids. Judith would be in her arms constantly and Carl was always on her toes. She notices that the boy was trying to hold back in front of everyone, so at night she would always bring the kids to her cell and hold a crying Carl while Judith was sleeping.

When Rick showed up looking like himself again, he came to her while she was feeding Judith. He sat besides her and watched the baby girl like she was some sort of angel in the middle of a battlefield. Too pure for this world. He then looked at her and she smiled at him and told him that it was going to be okay.

And he believed her.

After that it was natural that they would gravitate towards each other. She was taking care of his kids after all, and he was so lost that it was disorientating. The whole world was a blur, and she was the only thing keeping him grounded. She became his rock.

Every time he saw her talking with Carl, making sure he was eating, playing with him in at attempt of bringing him some sort of childhood, he felt like he could breath again. When she was holding Judith, feeding, and singing to her, he felt the ache in his chest decreasing.

Every time she would hug him, smile at him, or do anything as looking at his direction, he felt like she was the only thing holding his head above water, the only thing keeping him from drowning.

Piece by piece she collected him.

So it wasn’t a surprise when one day their hugs started to last longer, when the kisses on the cheek moved closer and closer to the mouth, when the gazes became silent conversations.

Everyone notice they pinning around each other but they knew that it was all that was going to be. Both too afraid and feeling too guilty to act on whatever was going on between them.

They needed to take things slow. It wasn’t fair to any of them to jump into something so soon after Lori’s death. It wasn’t fair to Lori, Rick, Carl. It wasn’t fair to her. So they needed time.

But that’s the thing with living in the end of the world. Time is a luxury. A privilege that you can’t really count on.

When the prison fell the only thing in her mind wore the kids. She couldn’t remember who had Judith, where Carl was, she couldn’t find anybody. She was starting to panic when she saw Judith placed on the baby chair on the floor, seconds from being eaten by a walker.

She quickly picked her up and ren as fast as she could. She ren so much until her legs started to give up. She didn’t have time to think about anything else. She just had to take her out of there.

Now she doesn’t know where she is. She doesn’t know how long is been since she left the prison. She doesn’t know if anybody else is alive, and if they are, she knew she will never find them again. She is scare and have no idea how she is gonna keep her and Judith safe.

Up until this moment, she been living from fruits and some cans she found in some abandoned cabins she crossed along the way. But she is getting weaker. She can’t really hunt without a proper weapon and a baby in her arms. She tried going in the city to scavenge some stores for food to Judith, but she was only able to collect a few things before the baby started crying and attracted walkers from every ware. After that she gave up on that idea and started looking for some place safe enough to spend a few days so she and Judith could have a proper rest.

She never allows herself to sleep when she stops to rest, afraid to wake up surrounded by walkers. So when Judith wakes up, she feeds her with the formula that is left and starts walking again. At this point she doesn’t even feel the pain in her legs anymore, is like her body is moving by himself, she is numb.

Judith seems to understand that something is wrong, never complaining, even when she is tired of being carried all the time, and when she is hungry she just pulls her hair, seeming to understand that making noises is too dangerous. Being a baby born in this world, Judith sems to have a different way of behaving that any other babies that she was ever seen. She is still to young to speak, but she makes the cute little noises as if she were trying to communicate, making the woman smile every time and pretend that she is understanding every “word”.

She is immersed in one of her conversations with Judith when she sees the sign. Stopping suddenly, she reads again and again, as if the words would change the minute she looked away and it would be all a projection of her imagination.

But it wasn’t.

So she starts running.

Even though she has her doubts about the existence of an actual sanctuary in this new world, she must check. Is the only scrum of hope after so long. And even if the said sanctuary exists, there is no guaranty that is run by good people. At this point, she has already learned to not trust the living.

So as she starts to get closer and closer to Terminus, she slows her pace not to dry attention before she has the opportunity to check the place.

But then suddenly there is an explosion and gun shots.

She holds Judith closer and tries to hide in a place that allows her to see what is happening but there is too much smoke, so she decides to stay there until is over. Even if there are good people in this place, there is not much help she can provide in this situation with a baby in her arms, and no gun. So she waits and waits until there is no more gun shots.

Judith is surprisingly calm during all this, so she decides is safe to get out of the hidden place and try to see what is going on. All kinds of things go though her mind as she walks towards a little commotion of people walking in direction of the woods, away from Terminus. She is mostly scare of crossing the way of bad people, but she has to see, the seed of hope never living her chest as she goes in direction of the first group of people that she encountered since the fall of the prison.

Maybe they are good people. Maybe they will welcome the lonely woman with the baby in her arms and offer her a place in their group. It will never be the same as being with her group, her family, but at least she would be safe, Judith would be safe.

Or maybe they are awful people and she is about to face another nightmare, another demonstration of what hell is like in the hands of the living, and all hope will be crushed again in front of her eyes.

Of all the things passing trough her mind, finding her family was definitely not one of them. Not once she thought that they wore alive and she would see them again.

At first, she thought that she was seeing things, maybe she was delirious. After all, how long can a person live without enough among of water, food and sleep and still expect to have a healthy function mind? She was going insane, that was definitely it.

But then she saw Daryl running towards Carol and everyone’s faces of surprise and relief and there was no way her mind could create that. Daryl running to hug someone? Not even her delirious mind could made that up.

She stood there paralyzed, trying to ground herself into believing that this was actually her family standing in front of her, when Judith cries draws everyone’s attention to her.

Next thing she knew Rick was running in her direction with Carl in his toes and she was being engulfed with the tightest hug she ever received in her life. Suddenly she was overwhelmed with all kinds of emotions and everything around her was Rick. The smells, the touches, she couldn’t see or think about anything that wasn’t him. After so many days, weeks (was it months? She stop counting so long ago) without knowing if he was dead, alive or something in between, she didn’t know which emotion was stronger. Relief, joy, surprise, love?

When Carl join them in the hug, she starts crying and they all fall to their knees on the ground. It was too much. Knowing that both kids were safe and in her arms was more than she could ever wish for. Her main goal during all this was to keep them safe, and to spend all this time in the road thinking that she had failed, that Carl was gone and she didn’t do anything about it was killing her more quickly than the lack of food or water ever could. Knowing now that he was alive was like receiving a tank of oxygen deep in the ocean, she could suddenly breath again.

When Rick pull back to look in her eyes her smile couldn’t be brighter.

"Sweetheart, is that you? Is it really you?"

When did she became sweetheart?  

He starts to caress her face and kiss her tears away with such tenderness that she starts crying even harder. He then smiles and takes Judith of her arms as Carl takes his place, hugging her like she was the last parachute in a plane crash.

"Oh, my baby.. I thought I lost you." she says in the most maternally way there is, while caressing the boy’s hair. "You are never leaving my side again."

The boy then laughs, and her smile grows because oh, how she missed that laugh, and everything falls into place.

"Yes, ma’am." the boy says full of joy and hints of laughs on his smile. "I missed you."

"I missed you too, honey." she says. "So very much."

They get up when the rest of the group starts to approach them, each member with smiles bigger than their faces, hugging her tighter than ever before.

Then Carl take Judith in his arms and Rick starts walking towards her again, holding her face with both hands and pressing their foreheads together. He closes his eyes and smiles before pressing a kiss in her lips and she is suddenly seeing stars.

Nothing could prepare her for this moment, not every novel she once read or the songs she used to listen. There was not one thing that was ever written about love that could describe this feeling. She wasn’t even sure if she could call it love.

It was stronger.

It was the kind of thing that would get you through anything, this feeling was the most powerful thing on earth, she was sure of that. With their mouths pressed against each other, she was sure that the only thing allowing her to breath was his lungs and his blood was only circling in his body due to her heartbeat.

They were one soul in two bodies.

She entangles her fingers in his messy hair and smiles in the middle on the kiss, making him smile as well as they break the kiss.

"I can’t believe this is real. You are here, and.. and Judith is here." he then looks at her with so much admiration in his eyes that she feels shy all the sudden. "You kept my daughter safe."

"Of course I did." she’s mine too.

"I guess I should have known." he than laughs. "You’ve been protecting my kids since day one. You are like the mama bear of the apocalypse."

She than laughs and shoves him playfully.

"I am not!"

"You are, you totally are." they laugh together as she shakes her head.

"He’s right, you totally are." Carl says and she is suddenly remained that they are not alone, and that he saw her kissing his father. But she doesn’t have time to be afraid of what he might think because when she looks at him, he has the biggest smile on his face.

Rick then takes her hand and kisses her knuckles; love is his eyes and she know that her face must mirror his.

"What now?" she asks him.

"Now.. we survive."

In that moment she knows she will never fell lonely again. She found her family, her kids, her love. She was home.

[bookstantrash]

Happy bday to the fantastic @perseusannabeth !!! First person I ever got the notifications on here on tumblr and that writes the most perfect fics ever even tho you kill me with the angst sometimes

I really wanted to update P&P for your bday but uni finals are a toxic thing and I couldn’t. Instead, I present you a Nessian HC after the mating ceremony!

After the mating ceremony, Cassian and Nesta stay two weeks at the House because of the mating frenzy.

Given that those two idiots finally admitted their feelings and are over the ‘iT’s OnLy SeX’ bullshit they can’t keep their hands to themselves.

Cassian’s love language is touch and he’d be damned if he didn’t shower Nesta with love 24/7

I’m talking holding hands, kissing her nose, cuddles, snuggling close to her when they’re laying down

He can’t stop touching her and neither can Nesta

She’s not much of PDA but for Cassian she makes an exception

They have wild and rough sex because of the frenzy, but they are also so fucking soft with each other and when they make love it’s always as magical and special when they did it in Solstice

Nesta noticed how Cassian always paid attention when she was brushing her hair, so now he’s the one who does it

The smile he gave her when she asked him to brush it was the most precious thing she’d ever seen

Cassian shares with Nesta his hair routine (because his hair is that good and she’s insanely obsessed with it too) and now they’re that couple who had the best hair™️

Cassian learns how to braid and braids Nesta’s hair all the time when they’re going out.

She only lets her hair down when they’re at home.

Nesta also braids his hair and he loves it.

After the two weeks, Nesta thought they were going back to their normal lives

She was wrong

Cassian informed Rhysand he and Nesta were going on their honeymoon and that they’re not to be bothered for the next month or two

Rhysand obviously agreed because a) Cassian never took a vacation in his 500 years of life b) they deserved it after all the shit they went through

Cassian gave Nesta a journal with their itinerary, but said they didn’t have to follow it and could change some stuff if they felt like it

He did it because he knew how she likes to be prepared and in control of the situation

“It’s my mating gift to you. Feyre once told me you wanted to see the world. I want to show it to you.”

Nesta loved it.

She had given Cassian the other sword she had Made.

“I think it’d be nice if we matched” she had told him while he unsheathed the sword, mesmerised once again how beautiful it was, and he could she was blushing a little

“What should I name it? I want it to match Ataraxia’s name”

“Maybe Silver Majesty” Nesta’s reply had Cassian flicking her nose and laughing

Their first stop was at Illyria

Cassian showed Nesta his house there, took her hiking (a proper hiking trip this time) and cooked for them traditional Illyrian food.

After that they went to Day Court.

Helion was happy to receive them and specially delighted when Nesta asked about his famous library

No need to say she spent a lot of time there

They wore traditional Day Court attire and Cassian almost died when he saw Nesta

Her reaction was similar to his because his muscles were very much on display and he had braided his hair in one of her favourite styles

Next stop was Dawn Court

Cassian took Nesta flying a lot in their stay there

She liked to fly very high, among the clouds, during sunset

She gradually lost her fear of flying in the time they spent there

She knew Cassian would never drop her

He was very happy when she asked him to fly faster and screamed in delight, the wind kissing her face

Nesta also took notes about the Dawn Court architecture and design. She was having ideias to refurnish the House.

She wrote her ideias down in the journal Cassian had given her and transformed it into their trip journal. She wrote about their day, glued tickets from operas, restaurants they had gone to, even the small poem Cassian had attempt to write her

When they went to Winter Court they had a snowball fight, Cassian boasting all the time how he had won that year’s SnowBall Battle

His snowman, however, lost to Nesta’s

They did snow angels (or ‘bat angels’ according to Cassian)

They also spent some quite days inside the guest manor Viviane and Kallias had showed them.

Nesta would wear big sweaters and fuzzy socks and let her hair down all the time

She hugged Cassian when they were on the couch or the fluffy carpet reading or just resting after eating chocolate cake (Cassian had learned how to bake her favourite

“You’re so hot I don’t think we need the fireplace”

“I know”

“I didn’t mean it like that stupid bat”

But Cassian indeed was a living furnace and they didn’t use that much fur blankets because of that

Nesta liked to warm her cold feet when they were cuddling and Cassian would always complain how cold she was

But he always hugged her closer

Summer Court was a bit trickier to go to given Cassian’s banishment

But he talked with Varian and called favours from the males in the Summer Court military that he knew

Tarquin ended up allowing them to go but they stayed in a beach house, far from the city so Cassian would not cause problems

They didn’t care, it gave them privacy and they had their own private beach

First time Cassian saw Nesta in a bikini he spit the beer he was drinking and almost fell face down on the sand

He had seen her naked, but to see Nesta in a red bikini (the exact same colour as his Siphons), hair in a high bun that gave him full view of her neck (‘why was her neck so sexy?’) and large sun hat was a different experience

Nesta also didn’t complain about seeing Cassian only in swim drunks and shirtless all the time

She didn’t like to go very deep in the water because it reminded her of the Cauldron, but when she did Cassian would hug her all time and she’d feel the safest she’d ever felt

They had a sandcastle competition

Nesta won when Cassian accidentally destroyed his

He had been running, his hands full of seashells to decorate it when he stepped on a crab and feel on top of his castle

Nesta laughed so much her stomach hurt and she started crying

Cassian didn’t care one bit because seeing Nesta so free and happy was all he needed

They both got a tan

Nesta’s freckles on her nose, shoulders and back were more visible, her hair got lighter and even her eyes seemed to be bluer

Cassian’s scars were highlighted because of his tan, and Nesta spend an awful lot of time running her hands over them

She specially liked his eyebrow scar

She kissed his scars all the time

It was her way of assuring Cassian she loved him and that his scars didn’t bother her

If anything, they made him even more beautiful

Not that she told him that, his ego didn’t need it

They did not go to either Spring (allergies and well, Tamlin) or Autumn (things with Beron were not good and Cassian still did not trust Eris)

When they finally came back — needing Varian to winnow them back to Velaris given how much souvenirs and other things they had bought — you could practically see how closer they were

They had sometimes fought during their travels but they always made up

They had talked a lot too

Of the past, the present and the future

And when they arrived at the House — welcome back meal already served for them, courtesy of the House, who had missed them a lot — Nesta and Cassian knew they were home

And that as long they were together they’d be happy, no matter the rocky path they had to face