#being scared to even get started
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not me lustfully staring at a discounted-all-the-way-down online course for plein air painting
#i'm always so enchanted by plein air painting#something something seeing the beauty around you#but 1) i have a bad track record with online courses 2) i don't think an online course is going to solve my problem of#being scared to even get started#or the fact that i am bad at simplifying shapes/seeing past The Mess#3) it's winter and i will only be leaving my house to walk the dog thx#anyway i love the artist doing it i want to eat his colours
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Call me crazy for reading so much into a show like House MD but I think the main theme of House is that despite doing everything perfectly and being a good person, shit happens.
Sickness and pain will be inflicted on you and your loved ones and there's nothing you can do about it, but to persevere, to fight for your life, to keep living despite it all - to love is a part of the human condition; our capability of love is what makes life worth living, despite all the pain that you will inevitably experience.
This show exemplifies the pain of living and the needs and desires of human beings to keep going despite it all
And idk... There's something beautiful about how a show with so many stupid whimsical dumb scenes can impart something so profound in my stupid little brain
#im crying btw#ugly crying thinking about how much i love this show#shit happens and its normal and itll be okay#heph is being sappy again#this show giving house 1000 bad omens and giving him happiness only to rip it away and im just sitting here#house md#malpractice md#hatecrimes md#it is of course not the only theme of this show#but its the main one#theres also everybody lies#and theres also YOU CANT! ALWAYS GET! WHAT YOU WA AAAANT#anyways the yaoi is great but i love the interpersonal relationships between the doctors in my doctor drama show the most#its easy to obsess over hilson but like#its not just about hilson for me#heph.txt#btw im still on s4e13#im scared of the season finale everyone keeps telling me to brace myself#also even from the start this show is very much about pain (house and his physical pain and also his emotional scarring#and every season and episode we watch him cope with his pains with drugs and destroy himself and it hurts so much :[#houseypie
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You did this? ...Yeah! Yeah, I did this.
#resident evil#resident evil 4#resident evil 4 remake#re4make#ashley graham#reedit#residenteviledit#gamingladiesedit#videogamewomen#she's soooo cute#i like her in the original but i feel like her confidence building up feels a lot more subtle i guess#here it feels like you get to watch her start overcoming the doubts she had even before all this happened#she's scared obviously but to me she comes across as like. she was never that sure of herself anyway#but as the game goes on she starts becoming more confident even though she never stops being scared#but like leon tells her it's ok and normal for her to be scared#and how she says she maybe wants to be an agent in the future :)#anyway sorry for rambling in the tags. i love her#*
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I've said it before, I'll say it again, obsessed with the concept of Snart not introducing Barry (as Barry) to Mick bc he's worried that Mick won't like Barry and will do something drastic, or vice versa
And then Mick and Barry meet without Snart being around and become best friends
#coldflash#i think that mick “i don't do gushy emotions” rory#and barry “avatar of gushy emotions” allen#SHOULD be best friends and team up for chaos#barry: there's this evil guy with a lot of power and no one believes me when i say he's evil! what do i do?!#mick: i set fire to his house#barry: ....go on#snart: [full of fear] do NOT#also consider#barry being the only person that can convince mick to start incorporating vegetables into his diet#and eating better. because he had a health scare and barry worried his way into getting mick to eat something green#which not even snart would have accomplished#i think it would be good actually
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imagining a world in which Simon agreed to go with Edwin and try to escape hell, imagining Simon developing an immediate and very inadvisable crush on the cute guy that just threw a grenade at a demon and Edwin's reaction to that, imagining the reaction of Charles Overprotective Rowland when he finds out that the guy Edwin insists on dragging along with them is one of the guys that sacrificed him to a demon in the first place, imagining the Night Nurse's face when three dead boys pop back through the door instead of two
#dead boy detectives#charles rowland#edwin payne#This is very much not what I would have wanted to see in the show because that episode was perfect to me#But I do think it would have been funny#And hey if you wanted to go the angst route and follow sandman comic lore of 'people stay in hell because they believe they should be there#Then you could have Edwin who has come to terms with who he is and Simon who is starting to forgive himself thanks to Edwin#Getting out of Hell just fine while they're being chased#And Charles 'im scared I'll end up like my dad' Rowland. Charles 'i could never be good enough' Rowland. Charles 'rage issues' Rowland#Who doesn't think he deserves to get out. Even if the thought is deep down and buried#Edwin's reaction to that would be. Woof. Yikes. Delicious#Don't get me wrong Charles would absolutely not stay in hell because I love him too much for that#And so does Death and you absolutely cannot change my mind about that there's no way she doesn't know about the boys#So yeah he'd get out fairly quickly#But just. The potential. The pain. Chef's kiss
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while we're on the subject of "morty-prime teamup" what if there was another two crows situation
#rick and morty#prosh/p dni#morty smith#rick sanchez#this is based on the scene at the end of the 2 crows ep#but ummm i think rick would be much more irritable?#like morty very passively just accepted the situation but i feel like rick would start to double down and kind of revert back to his more-#'iconic' personality of just you know. being awful#like obviously he understands morty is justified and i think on some level even agrees with him#but guys. He is so codependent and So shitty. like he cannot express these feelings properly#and like. Improving as a person isnt a linear process Like i appreciate rick making an effort to be better#but just... Getting Better right away is not how it works really#like idk. if rick starts feeling desperate i dont think its unrealistic to imagine he unconsciously starts behaving 'in his comfrot zone'#he starts throwing insults and telling morty hes stupid. generally trying to kick down his sense of self esteem#BECAUSE HE GENUINELY IS SCARED OF BEING ALONE#or like. Not having control over being alone you know#my art
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pov : you're the rest of the sextuplets meeting kuroba for the first time.
#as soon as i found out this was a meme i knew i had to redraw it w/ kuroba#some context : kara doesn't tell his brothers about kuroba ( mostly bc he doesn't want them to cause issues and ->#get him banned from their shop ) but oso & totty figure out he's hiding something when he starts acting suspicious about the roses he bought#eventually the rest of them get roped into tagging along and they tail him the next time he sneaks off to kuro's#they end up breaking one of the potted plants outside their shop while trying to eavesdrop and kuro comes out w/ this kind of energy#they're not even really mad they're playing up their scary face to fuck with them a bit#but that ends up working too well bc they all end up running off scared as hell of kara's new '' yakusa '' friend#( get it? like yakuza and kusa meaning grass. gET IIIIT— )#anyways one of the benefits of kuro looking like their granddad is being able to make the same intimidating faces he can pull off#i need to finish chouji's ref soon... i love him...#osmt#karamatsu#mj ocs#oc : kuroba#mj draws#🕰 : scheduled post
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I'm a broken record about this but after so many years of being left with the Axolotl poem about Bill, it'd be so lame if Bill never did reincarnate, and it'd be just as disappointing if it ended up being something minor like a cicada (although it'd be hilarious if he reincarnated, immediately died and then reincarnated into something else).
And to me, the wording of the original Axolotl poem really does make it seem like the reincarnation itself is the 'redemption' and the deal is that Bill is basically passing responsibility to someone else, after he's done with therapy and like.... doesn't pass down all of his many issues.
(Plus I dunno if it's my understanding of reincarnation that's wrong but it feels that when Bill is like 'yeah let me use the reset button!!!', he's forgetting that its way different from using a continue and he's just gonna end up with the equivalent of a shoddy new game plus made for a wrong character/setting at best)
Meanwhile, we're left with Bill poem about Stan that's the same in execution (a cryptic message between space and time and by that I mean hidden on the internet lol), with the same purpose (an opening/lingering mystery for Alex to use when he wants to return to the series) with the same elements (fire, lies, redemption, home) and numerous comparisons to Bill's own philosophy on lies that's repeated again in the same website.
(Also been thinking about how amnesiac!Stan could sorta be thought of as a reincarnation of himself in terms of mind only. The same soul being hit with that reset gun button, a chance of a new self unburdened by the past, but via the power of love and family they went nope!!! we want you back!!!)
Either way, with the poem and the book's ending there's the obvious Bill+Stan connection that we're supposed to acknowledge!!!
#i've seen some folks oddly in denial about their parallels for some reason???#stanley pines#stan pines#bill cipher#same coin theory#book of bill#thisisnotawebsitedotcom#gf meta#two sides of the same dollar bill#but also im still thinking about how we got it confirmed that after stan got his memory back#that ford still was paranoid about bill being inside stan's mind#what was stan thinking when ford did test after test on his mind (did stan even let him go into his mindscape? is it still a mess?)#giving up his privacy and letting ford dig around so his brother would quit looking so scared at times#them finally finding some peace as they start prepping for their trip#only for that fucking book to appear and send ford spiraling again#basically hiding in his lab because hes so scared of his family being hurt#hiding because hes so ashamed of being tricked of being abused#what the hell is a guy supposed to think after all that?#still thinking about alex describing bill as a gambler at a tbob panel while he knew full well#that we were about to get further emphasis of stan being a gambler too....#also nomming on the idea of determinism and loops and the idea of split souls
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I really liked “I Saw The TV Glow” for a lot of reasons like the lighting and sound design and stuff
But I also really liked it because how similar I felt to it. Like you watch a show you love so much you want to Be In It and all you do is interact with That Show to the point where you start talking like it and you make everything you see like it because you don’t Know anything else
I really liked owens character because of how Stuck he is in his life. He says he doesn’t think about “that stuff” because it makes him feel gross so he doesnt. He takes a job at a place he doesn’t like and when it gets shut down he goes with the manager to the next place also doing a job he hates. When his parents die he lives in the same house he grew up in because he doesn’t want to leave. He had one friend and when she disappeared presumed dead he didn’t do anything but reminiscenced on his time with her and watching the show she helped him watch. You can also see how he starts taking care of himself less after his father died, in the last scenes of the movie he looks like he barely eats or drinks water, he doesn’t do anything but his job. “Years feel like seconds” because he isn’t doing anything of importance he lost everything that he looked forward too
He doesn’t talk above a normal speaking volume until he’s literally DYING and even after he apologizes still out of breath. He’s still dying then. No one responds to his apologies or responded to him when he was screaming
He gets a chance to leave and go with Maddie to The Pink Opaque and he gets scared, he gets a chance to leave with her when he was younger and he gets scared. He’s so unhappy with his life but he doesn’t want to change it because he doesn’t know what else to do
#yeah this movie totally didn’t resonate with me at all#haha#fuck#also he didn’t say anything or really try to wxplore not being a guy except that one time he wore a dress with Maddie. he didn’t even bring#it up with his parents but they made little comments that made him scared. so for the rest of his life he didn’t think about it he tried to#hide how he felt his entire life about everything because he didn’t Want to live his life. he was happy while watching The Pink Opaque so#everything else felt like he was waiting to get back to it#when he rewatched it years later it didn’t feel the same and that’s when he started falling apart. you could see his ribs when he was on th#ground in one of the last scenes his inhaler didn’t work he didn’t do anything to try and get help or get out of it#uhhhhh do I tag the movie#I think I will I liked writing this#I wanna talk about it more but idk How rn#i saw the tv glow#woo hoo!!#the feeling this movie gave is one that got me to start making dextrine and stuff. I don’t want to say too much and spoil it but it’s simil#similar ((:
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juvie buddies
#alek art#td duncan#td mal#total drama#total drama all stars#(if i want to get technical)#2024#duncan is around 15 here... mal is around 16#ive thought really hard about them these past few days . in my brain they actually knew each other and canon is different#duncan and mike got along really well. in juvie mal refused to speak to anyone about anything and would fight as many people as he could .#he wanted to stay in there and far away from home . they get roomed together and duncan is the first person who mal can talk to . he isnt#scared of him . he relates to him a lot . like -> wow we both act out for attention and people think we are terrible because of it#duncan being a mentally ill teenager seeing mal an also very mentally ill teenager thought 'i can fix him' . mike and duncan speak too here#i cant really see anyone else fronting besides those two . their brain was on lockdown and mike wanted out so bad . i see manitoba as a#gatekeeper so hed handle some sessions with their psych. i want to say they (duncan and mike) get moved to a psyche ward just because#i have more knowledge on being in one and how it goes ... but yeah i like duncan mal a lot . this art isnt ship whatsoever though 🙏 i dont#see them as a couple their dynamic is just better as friends imo#but anyways in all stars they obviously recognize each other but have an unspoken agreement not to say anything abt it#duncan is a known criminal but mike isnt like that . mike hadnt even told zoey about that part of his life . so duncan wanted to respect his#privacy -> then mal starts hurting people and he has to step in . mal isnt a good person by any means but i dont think he was that bad in#juvie . so duncan had to come to terms that his friend wasnt the same person he was years ago (in all stars duncan is ~18 and i think mike#is almost 20... so it had been a while since they last talked)#them getting each other like no other and being in pain because they couldnt really speak . i see them having a conversation still in moon#madness abt their past and history . god i just think abt them and their wasted potential wdym mike and duncan were in juvie together#duncan was in for trespassing or destruction of private property or something really dumb . mal fought his parent(s) and got in for assault#mal was already in when duncan was placed . and duncan was let out early on good behavior + his parents (dad) mostly did it to teach him a#lesson . wrong of them or otherwise . so mal was just kinda stuck there until they realized he was actually not right in the head . think he#knew abt their DID but was only diagnosed in juvie and had to go from there . tbh he shouldve been tried as an adult but td logic . doesnt#matter dw guys . mike gets the 'was put on random meds that made him go braindead' treatment bc that was me . post mental hospital abilify#had me messed up
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If you're in the mood to reveal: what's something sexy you've done lately that involved your sneezes?
I'm looking forward to just melting when I read the answer. :)
I was contemplating if I wanted to answer this, so sorry for the slow reply. Turns out today I thought fuck it!
I have two things:
I was masturbating recently and needed to sneeze. I sneezed a wet sneeze into my hand and then put that same hand back down my pants. The wetness made it feel so much better😅😳
I was having one of those days where my nose just doesn’t stop itching. I have NO idea why… but it was tickly all day long. At one point laying in bed, I kept feeling the urge to sneeze, building up, hitching and then nothing. After 5 or more itchy false starts I’m starting to feel incredibly turned on… I desperately want to get these sneezes out naturally, but I also just want to induce and sneeze myself into oblivion. I resist the urge to induce and instead just start to touch myself. Now I’m a horny, hitchy, itchy MESS! Rubbing myself, my nose, hitching, false starting …. And basically getting more and more wound up. I do eventually sneeze which feels amazing of course. Fill in the blanks for the rest I guess.
#Turned on by my own sneezes is such an intense thing#I can barely survive a nose tickle without starting to feel myself getting aroused#I am also so stubborn about inducing#I’ll try not to even if I’m false starting and being teased cos I’m scared it’s cheating#Even though it’d make me feel so much better#Also I’m not even into wet spray but rubbing always feels better with spit#It wasn’t even intentional actually I just happen to spray into the hand I was touching with#But it made me imagine doing the same to someone who IS into spray … that’s hot#Anyway#snz kink#sneeze kink#snz fet#snz asks sneezarify#snz asks#snz fucker#snzfucker#snzblr
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White dungeon meshi fans sound like this to me:
It's extremely fascinating and frightening to me how hateful some of you people are towards shuro, a man who is clearly depicted as japanese, (a man who could look like me or literally any member of my family in real life) for being a normal, complex, and flawed human being.
Why do you single him out for getting frustrated with and mad at laios when chilchuck and marcille do the same literally all the time? What's the difference between them and shuro?
Why do you feel the unnecessary need to protect these white women from a japanese man?
Do you expect that this japanese man is inherently going to have some kind of ugly negative quality that has not been once hinted at canonically? Do you know what that's called? Because i do and it's fucking racism.
You people get scared the moment a character that is a person of color isnt a quiet little model minority or a sweet mammy archetype. You grasp at your pearls the moment they are revealed to have complex personalities and histories; when they feel negative, big emotions that are literally part of the human experience. Or god forbid, when they show romantic interest in a pure, helpless, little white woman.
And when a person of color stops behaving good and docile the way you want, when they decide that theyre not going to put up with a situation that makes them uncomfortable or miserable or RIGHTEOUSLY FURIOUS, they become the bad guy. As seen countless times in the medias demonizing depiction of the Black Lives Matter protests and even of black people who get punished for just living their lives. It happens so often i shouldnt have to reiterate it to you but it somehow keeps flying over your head.
And when that dirty, conniving, perverted, slant eyed, buck toothed, stumpy little japanese man understandably snaps at the white person you guys are projecting onto and all you see is this:
So dont be surprised when i say that id rather kill myself than entrust the safety of my oldest aunts and uncles or my youngest cousins with any of you who act like this. Im terrified of what could have happened if people like you worked at the facility that my great grandmother lived out her final years in. Would you have seen her as a wild animal that needed to be subdued too when she had one of her many dementia-induced violent episode?
I will not apologize for saying that i find it deeply disconcerting to see so many of you happily posting hateful vitriol or even about committing acts of violence against a man that looks like me, solely because he was experiencing his humanity
#like especially after all the shit east asians but especially chinese people had to put up with after covid started#anyway listen to poc voices to stop being so fucking annoying#GO AHEAD LOOK AT MY YELLOW JAP FACE AND GIVE YOUR MADE UP JUSTIFICATIONS ILL EAT YOUR FUCKING EYEBALLS#ALSO WHITE FARCILLE WARRIORS: HE IS NOT GETTING IN THE WAY OF YOUR YURI SHIP#YOU BITCHES SOUND LIKE 2010s FUJOSHI HATING ON FEMALE CHARACTERS FOR GETTING IN THE WAY OF YOUR YAOI#BUT WITH MISOGYNY REPLACED WITH XENOPHOBIA AND RACISM#this is absolutely about how some of u fuckers treat kabru too btw#here i come bitches its the one thing that scares you more than a jap#ITS A JAP WHOS FUCKING MEAN#initially when i saw shuro i was like ooooh cutie! but then when i found out how tone deaf and racist some of you people are???#he immediately became my favorite character#like how asian diaspora kids at school form friend groups even when we dont share an ethnic identity#bc we understand each others experience better than any white friend we make will#shuro dungeon meshi#laios touden#falin touden#toshiro nakamoto#dungeon meshi#delicious in dungeon
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hi.
#i know most of you didn’t even realize i was gone#but man…#my mental health was like in a state of 📉📉📉 in the past 30 days like we love being mentally ill and fucking insane <3#it was mostly bc i panicked and started obsessing over possible water damage in my flat kind of out of nowhere#like it started when my landlord came to check my bathroom bc my downstairs neighbours had water stains on their ceiling back in july#which had been caused by their shower curtain apparently but i was already spiraling when my landlord told me so i was sure it was my fault#i was assuming it was bc of me bc i had sometimes been spilling some of my bathwater and i was like WHAT IF IT HAS GONE THROUGH THE FLOOR?#and it didn't help that it has been hot af and very humid in my apartment LIKE WELL OVER 25 DEGREES AND 60% HUMIDITY#anyways i couldn’t shake this not matter what i tried and my fucking insane brain made me think i was going to get arrested for like#flooding the whole building or for causing some sort of mold infestation#i had SO MANY panic attacks; i wasn't able to sleep; i wasn't able to eat; i was on edge and panicky basically 24/7 so fun fun fun :D#and i kept waking up in the middle of the night and HAD to go check my walls or the space below my kitchen#it was compulsory like i couldn't not get up and go check and tbh i would've thrown out all of my furniture if i could've to check for mold#(and shhhh i know how fucking insane this sounds but having a mentally ill brain that's anxious all the time does suck ass sometimes 🥲)#(the worst thing about it tho was that i was SO AWARE of how insane about this i was being and yet i couldn't stop losing my mind over it)#(also i was so ready to move tf outta here bc i couldn't handle being triggered 24/7 which is why my mom let me stay with her last week )#i was so out of it that i couldn't even let myself do the things i usually enjoy... like at all#like watching my shows or spending any ungodly amount of time on tumblr... or replying to messages i got from people who i love#ig this goes to show HOW bad this actually was for me mentally bc usually tumblr and my shows are like my safe place#anyways we finally had a leak detection dude come over today and we had him check the water levels in my walls#and he said everything is fine and he specifically told me i should stop worrying about any water damage BC THERE IS NO WATER DAMAGE#he also said that the weather has just been insanely humid this year so it's not surprising that the humidity levels are higher than usual#i’m still a bit scared about some possible mold but ig this is good enough for now#i am aware how ridiculous this must sound for anyone who's reading this now but couldn't let it go not even with meds so let me live pls :(#TLDR I WAS GOING THROUGH IT BUT I AM BACK I THINK AND I AM MOST LIKELY GOING TO START BOTHERING YOU WITH MY GIFS AGAIN <3#AND I JUST REALIZED I HAVEN'T EVEN SEEN ANY OF THE HEART KILLERS STUFF YET ASIDE FROM ONE OR TWO PICS LIKE :(#OH AND I NEED TO START WATCHING SUMMER NIGHT ;_;#sabrina talks#@AIRENYAH GIRL I AM SO SORRY I WILL PROBABLY REPLY TO YOUR MESSAGES LATER TODAY OR TOMORROW MORNING ;_;<3
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Need an emotional support gf for horror movies because i really like horror stuff but i’m too anxious about the idea of getting scared to start it when i’m by myself
#wlw#wlw mood#sapphic#sapphism#lesbian#i feel like ive made this exact post before but my point stands😤#i dont usually get freaked out by things when i watch them#but like what if i DID??#the potential of being scared scares me more than the movies half the time lol#the way i keep going to start the blair witch project and then immediately backing out at the play button lol#i was hella scared of absolutely everything as a kid so i think i misjudge my horror tolerance a lot lol#need a buddy for support/to hide behind in case i do get scared#no fun when i don’t even have the option😤#im gay and i like sleeping
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can i ask why ur getting the surgery? /gen curious /no hate
i am getting a bi(lateral)salp(ingectomy) bc i never want to be pregnant or be a parent!
Even if i do change my mind later about the parent thing (not super likely but things can change, sure) theres noooo shortage of single parents lmao
And even if I never End Up In The Circumstance(s) Where I COULD Become Pregnant in my life, I'd want the peace of mind anyway...
I've always felt disgusted that this is something my body is capable of. I want it to be MY body and not a site and vessel for potential tragedy in any direction. And I want it to be something permanent and not dependent on access to services/medicines or even laws!!! Dis is a gender affirming surgery for me honestly...
#anonymous#skunk mail#in the past ive always thot about how id obvs immediately get an abortion if anything happened#but along with living in texas idk#like. id obvs get it but just the thought of ever being pregnant in my life for even a little bit makes me feel sick.#idk what id do. what a betrayal by the shell im in that would be.#my mind wld be frayed forever. ive had nightmares abt it. i dont think i cld ever Enjoy Anything if i was always worried about BC failure.#pregnancy is so unnerving to me i dont even like seeing or being around pregnant animals especially when ppl start calling them Mommy or#Mama it just makes me extremely uncomfortable.#my life was destined to be tragedy as soon as I was born in this body‚ i might as well do one of the only things I can do to ease the horro#of it#ive literally had my day ruined by just remembering its something my body can do. it makes me so miserable#it feels so disgusting etc#without the surgery my life would continue to feel like its counting down to inevitable tragedy#whether it be by Scare or Assault#and why wld i continue to live my life like that if its always going to be unwanted!!!!! need permanent solution and not just a bandaid#its not like the opportunities come up often but honestly ive even been avoiding sex bc of this. id rather just not ever do it at all#than risk anything
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I want seduced so bad dude
#unimportant thoughts#being seduced into letting loose on them -> them getting scared and trying to back while i tell them to finish what they started#underrated dynamic always#but honestly id jsut take the seduction#i want to feel WANTED holy shit dude#i can count like. one time i was seduced.#and i dont even think it was intentional but it absolutely altered my brain chemistry and cured my depresion for months#like!!!! GOD to be wanted and pursued
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