#being honest i slept for about 14 hours yesterday

[cuntchuck]

IT'S GETTING CLOSER

anon…. you’re actually scaring him.. gooberchuck is getting really stressed out man

[yr-obedt-cicero]

alright i’ve heard so much about burr and his umbrella? and out of anyone, i have a feeling you’d be someone who would know something about this, so can you please explain what is going on with burr and his umbrella that he lost when he was like 5 or 12 or smtn?

I forget not everyone knows the extensive Amrev fandom lore. Y'all make me feel old.

Basically, Aaron Burr had this one umbrella that had a knife equipped with it, and was constantly losing it and lamenting it's disappearance. Like, a lot. It's a continuous thing in his journal.

London, December 6, 1808;

“Home at four. Caught in the rain, having yesterday left my umbrella at Brentford—no doubt lost.”

London, December 7, 1808;

“Went to the stagehouse to inquire for my umbrella, but with little hope. It was there, brought by the coachman. How very honest people are here, and yet I am cheated most impudently every hour.”

London, December 14, 1808;

“Rose at six; set off at seven. I sleep very soundly in these stagecoaches. By sleeping, however, forgot to ask for my umbrella, which I had left at Stanmore.”

Edinburgh, January 13, 1809;

“As you would not suspect that I could be till this hour in Edinburgh (if, indeed, the subject has been thought of at all, which, with humility, I acknowledge that, from appearances, it did not merit), this formal notice is given that I am here, and like to be here eight days longer.

Send Tom to Craven-street to demand letters, and to Bedford-street for the umbrella, if not heretofore found. A. Burr.”

London, Febraury 8, 1809;

“Out at ten; raining, took K.'s umbrella, having lost my own.”

Gotha, January 9, 1810;

“As I was writing the concluding line of the preceding page last evening (about one o'clock), an ill-looking fellow opened my door without knocking, and, mut- tering in German something which I did not comprehend, bid me put out my candle. Being in no very placid humour at the moment, as you see, I cursed him, and sent him to the lower regions in French and English. He advanced, and was going to seize the candle. My umbrella, which has a dirk in the handle, being near me, I seized it, drew the dirk, and drove him out of the room.”

Paris, April 20, 1810;

“At eleven to the umbrella mender. Nothing done.”

Paris, February 13, 1811;

“A brilliant morning. Sun shining bright for this hemisphere. Went out without my umbrella. Before I got one hundred yards it began to rain. Went back for the umbrella.”

Paris, July 11, 1811;

“To near Luxembourg to get an umbrella which some one, unknown, left in my room a fortnight ago, and which has, therefore, become my property by prescription. Paid for mending it, three francs.”

London, February 18, 1812;

“Got home at four, and discovered that I had lost my umbrella; a most serious misfortune, and little hope of recovering it, as I have no recollection where I stopped. It is impossible for me to buy one or to do without one.”

London, February 19, 1812

“My umbrella hung heavy at my heart. Went to hunt for it. Walked back on the track I came from J. H.'s yesterday, and called at the places I had been; but no umbrella. It is finally lost, and I must submit to the inconveniences of getting wet and of spoiling my clothes.”

London, February 20, 1812;

“Then home, following again the track of my poor lost umbrella, but to no purpose.”

London, February 22, 1812;

“—but, in the first place, I slept till near nine, and, in the next, it rained in torrents, and you know my umbrella is on a voyage.

Round by Westminster and Blackfriars' Bridges to Graves's. The rain setting in again, bought me the cheapest umbrella I could find that was large enough. Cost ten shillings and sixpence.”

And here is a longer post.

[teal-fiend]

shy pred 3

content: post vore, digestion mention, pred POV, one (1) swear word

B woke up to the sound of their stomach growling. But they were still full from yesterday, so it wasn’t hunger as much as it was a general sound of digestion.

It was morning, so they didn’t go back to sleep. 

A was already awake. They were sitting on the kitchen table with a cup of tea. “Good morning.”

B saw someone's laptop on table beside them. They didn’t recognise it right away, but B realised it belonged to the stranger in the library from yesterday . The one who was now in B’s gut. A must have taken their stuff to remove the evidence from the scene

Eating prey on campus grounds was risky. They could even get expelled if they were caught. It was reckless of A to have them consuming in such a public area. But A wouldn’t be the one who got in trouble, because even though A initially made the decision, it was B who actually did it.

B just wished they would be more cautious

A must have said something, but B didn’t catch it, because they were too caught up in their own thoughts. 

“Sorry, I was just thinking about something.” B said “About what?”

“Oh, you know.” B didn’t really want to have this conversation, even though they probably should. But A and B didn’t argue about anything, and B didn’t want to start. Their hand subconsciously ghosted over their belly

“Is there any time that you’re not thinking about prey?” A said jokingly

B paused before answering, and A raised their eyebrow. To be honest, B did spend most of their time thinking about their next meal. B thought for a moment before they knew the answer

“After I’ve eaten I’m not thinking about what I’m going to eat next.” And they were confident with that answer.

“Ah yes, but,” A responded, “you are thinking about the prey that you just ate.”

“Oh, I guess you’re right.”

It’s not like their mind completely went blank after they had fed. In that time their brain would be dopamine, from their body rewarding them for a good catch. Really the only time they wouldn’t be occupied with thinking about prey would be in the lull between being full and being hungry. But even then their mind might sit there idly in the fantasy of eating again. Maybe the answer was then any time they were distracted by another task. But then even now, were they thinking about prey? or were they thinking about thinking about prey? B rubbed their eyes.

“Are you still tired?” A asked, “you slept for 14 hours.”

“Yeah, that usually happens.”

“I have class today, do you want to come along?”

When B didn't express enthusiasm, A continued, “C’mon, it would be good to get out of the house.”

B sighed, and agreed. They didn’t have anything better to do today anyway.

A drove, with B in the passenger seat. They parked in the designated lot, and the two entered the university building. B paused before going into the lecture hall

“I’ll meet you in there.” B said, “I’m going to go wash my hands”

“Alright, but don’t take too long. This class can get pretty full, you might not get a seat.”

“Am I even allowed to come in?” “It’ll be fine, don’t worry about it,” A said, before waving, and jogging into the lecture hall. 

As soon as A was gone, B turned to the person who was watching them. “What do you want.”

C slinked up to them. “Looks like you  had a nice dinner last night.”

“So what?”

“Well, people are getting nervous. You can feel it, can’t you? They can tell there’s an active predator hanging around. The problem is, they think it’s me.” C said, “since no-body suspects you, I’m the one who gets accused, and I’ll be the one who gets in trouble if the administration gets serious about nipping this problem in the bud.”

“Okay, I get where you’re coming from,” B admitted, because then genuinely agreed. “I know the risk, but A told me to do it, and I played along - but you’re right. It won’t happen again.”

“You talk about this 'A' a lot. It's always your excuse. If they're causing issues, you could just eat them. In fact, it's been awhile, and you haven't eaten them yet," C mused, "Are you going to eat them?” C asked

“No,”

“Really? Then the issue isn't solved - You said this wouldn’t happen again - “

“No - I didn’t mean it like that.” “Can I eat them then?”

“No!” B hissed, “No, don’t. I’m serious.” “If you’re not going to, why can’t I?” C said, trying to provoke them. 

“Okay- then why don’t I eat your prey friend?” B struck back, “D, or whatever their name was.” “You better not,” C lost their humorous tone. 

“Okay then we have a truce.”

“Fine.” C said, “Yeah. And you also have to stop framing me, even if it’s not on purpose. Stop breaking the rules, stick to your territory; stop fucking around."

“Ok sure." B sniffed, "Was that all you wanted to talk to me about?” “Pretty much”

“You weren’t going to ask me how my day’s been?” “How has your day been?” “Okay, I guess. How about you?” “It’s been good.”

“Good,” B said. 

"See you later then" "Goodbye"

C disappeared into the crowd of students going in and out of lecture halls. B slipped into the stream that was wandering into A’s class. They made their way up the stairs and found where A had set themselves up. 

They sat themselves next to A and watched as at the front of the hall the professor set up the projector.

Soon the class started, and B was having difficulty staying awake. They closed their eyes and fell asleep shortly after. 

[myblueeyedbuggers]

My Boys

Chapter 7

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10 Chapter 11 Chapter 12 Chapter 13 Chapter 14

Pairings: Reader x Steve Rogers (best friend) Reader x Bucky Barnes

Word Count: 1780

Warnings: Slow Start, Language, Tiny bit of Fluff

Summary: After being abandoned by her parents in Brooklyn in 1929, y/n makes a living for herself by working for the Црни лабуд gang until she meets two boys in a back alley and her life slowing begins to change

Hi again, so yesterday definitely didn’t go plan at all, I was caught up in way too much work and by the time I’d finished it all it was 4 in the morning and I had to get up at 6 for college. My apologies for the lack of a chapter yesterday, hopefully this was worth the wait though :) Enjoy Everyone!

Readers POV

It was sometime in the early morning when Becca same flying into my room, I could feel my mood change from one of complete and utter boredom to one of happiness, I swear down this little girl could manage to make the grim reaper smile. Her black hair bounced behind her as she hurried to climb up the bed, instantly crushing me with a tight hug, “Y/n! I missed you so much! I’m sorry for not coming sooner but Mama and Papa said you needed more time to rest” her bright eyes glossed over as she rushed out her apology.

I actually felt my heart clench at her words, which to be honest was a bit concerning, her little face scrunched up into a frown and I instantly pulled her into a hug, “Sweetie there’s nothing you need to say sorry for, if anything I should be saying sorry for leaving you for so long with those silly boys! I can’t imagine how bad they must have smelled! Oh, my lord I’m feeling faint even thinkin’ about it!”. Instantly the frown on her little face vanished, her giggles echoed in my ear as she fell backwards onto the bed clutching her stomach, my smile was almost wide as Bucky’s ego. Almost.

Once she’d managed to calm down enough, Becca crawled back up the bed and climbed under the covers before cuddling up next to me, my arm instantly wound around the younger girl as I placed a small kiss on her hair and in that moment, I felt at ease, finally complete as the little girl cuddled further into my side.

Mrs Barnes POV (Surprise!)

A gentle smile spread across my face as I watched my girls, both excitedly chatting back and forth about their favourite things, the half-completed scarf forgotten to me as my mind wandered to the talk George and myself had last night. Both of us agreed that we would never be able to pay y/n back for protecting our boys, but we both noticed one particular trait about her, she tended to protect everyone but herself. It was almost as if she valued everyone else’s life above her own, it made me worry about what she’s had to have gone through to value herself at such a low rate, maybe it’s my motherly side coming out but there’s this constant urge to protect her. The knowledge of her not having a family weighed heavily on both my soul and my heart, even thinking about it broke my heart, and that’s when George and I made our decision. We wanted her to be apart of our family, protect her in the same way she tried to protect both our family and our boys, after everything the poor girls been through it’s the very least we could do.

After a while I noticed the room was unusually silent, my head turned towards the girls and my eyes were met with a sight that made me want to weep with joy, both of them had fallen asleep, Y/n’s arms were wound around Becca protectively as the younger girl cuddled closer to y/n’s side. I kept my gaze on the girls, committing the moment to my memory as my heart swelled with delight, a wide smile played on my lips as I picked up the scarf started to work on it determined to give y/n a welcoming gift.

Time Skip

Steve’s POV

“Yeah sure Buck, like I actually believe that!” Bucky was goin’ on about he fought off 10 guys at once in school today, the way he was tellin’ it had me in stiches as he claimed he “knocked em down with the strength of the devil” before finishing the fight with fireworks goin’ off behind him. “I’m bein’ serious Stevie! You shoulda seen their faces when I pulled out my sword and started chasing em…how much of this you belivin’?” he finally stopped his rambling when he glanced at my face, completely blank as I looked at him with my eyebrows raised.

Seconds of silence passed, “You can’t letta a guy be dramatic for one second?!”, I’ll admit I didn’t expect him to fall to the floor and start waving his arms and legs about while cryin’ about me bein’ a spoil sport, but I’d be lyin’ if I said I wasn’t funny. I was doubled over with laughter, nearly crying as I joined Buck on the floor, the pair of us struggling to breath from laughing so hard.

The sound of a door opening along with an exasperated sigh made us both shut up immediately, glancing up I was met with the sight of Mama Barnes, a small smile on her face as she looked at the both of us expectedly, waitin’ for us to get off the floor. “Normally I would ask both of you what on the name of earth you were doin’ on the floor, but I’ve seen you do some stupider things so at this point I’m not surprised”. Buck shared a look with me before facing his mama, a sheepish grin on his face as he tried to explain why we were acting dumb, Mama just shook her head at us and ushered us inside y/n’s room, tellin’ us to keep quiet.

3rd Person POV

Both boys entered the room, softly shutting the door behind them as they turned around, neither expecting to see the sight before them, Bucky and Steve’s younger sister was curled up next to y/n, both girls had a relaxed, peaceful expression on their faces. The blankets were wrapped around them both, the younger of the two using the older girls chest as a pillow shifting slightly as the older pulled her closer to her side, unconsciously wrapping both the blanket and her arms around her in a bid to keep her warm.

Soft smiles graced the lips of both boys, watching the two girls as they slept peacefully, the blonde-haired boy noticing the older girl shiver a tiny bit from the change in temperature, as quietly as possible he made his way towards them. Carefully, he unwrapped a small part of the blanket from the younger girl and repositioned it over the two of them equally, tucking the edges into the bed frame before glancing behind him at his friend.

The boy with the brown hair hadn’t moved an inch, his entire body refusing to move in case the sight in front of him suddenly disappeared. His blue eyes never left the face of the older girl, taking in her immense beauty was enough to stun him for hours, his gaze roamed over her face in a leisurely way, absorbing how perfect she looked when sleeping. Any attempt to gain his attention failed, his mind too clouded with the image of her, a soft warm feeling settled in his heart, growing stronger with every second he stared at her.

Once the blonde-haired boy realised that he wasn’t gaining the attention of his friend anytime soon, he followed his friends line of sight, letting out a small chuckle as he turned his head towards the boy’s mother, sharing a small knowing smile as she watched her son from the corner of her eye.

Time Skip

Readers POV

The veil of sleep slowly cleared from my mind, hushed voices grabbed my attention as I rubbed the sleep from my eyes, my eyes made contact with Mr and Mrs Barnes, the sound of the lads doing somethin’ stupid filled the background. Both of the parents smiled at me, I wanted to sit up but Becca was still asleep, and I couldn’t find it in my heart to disturb her from sleep, “Y/n, sweetheart, the doctor came in while you girls were sleeping, he said that you’ll be able to leave tomorrow after a few more check ups and tests, and we wanted to ask you somethin’.” I felt my head tilt to the side in confusion, maybe it was about the medical bills, I mean a stunt like this couldn’t have been cheap…

“Sweetie, we were wondering if you’d like to join our family, there is nothing in this world we could offer or do to thank you for protecting our family, so we only ask that you let us return the favour and protect you.”

I could feel my jaw drop to the floor, my eyes watered with tears as I nodded my head frantically and pulled them both into a hug, crying into Mrs Barnes’s chest while thanking her over and over again. The bed dipped even more as two more pairs of arms joined the hug, the hole in my soul left as I came to the realisation that I finally had a family to call my own, a sudden shout of excitement broke us all out of the hug as Becca tackled my side, knocking me flat out on my back.

“I FINALLY HAVE A SISTER! YAY! MAMA I HAVE A SISTER!” Becca’s joyful cries made us all laugh, quickly clambering off me she started running ‘round the room, only stoppin’ to do the odd celebration dance. A tap on shoulder distracted me from Becca’s antics, “So how’s it feels to be apart of the Barnes Clan?” Steve’s face met mine with a joyful smile, I not so subtly rolled my eyes at him before bumping my shoulder with his, “Thought I joined the clan the minute your friend over there carried my ass to the front door”.

Steve let out a small snicker as Bucky’s head shot up as he playfully glared at the pair of us, choosing to make his way over while his parents were distracted with Becca, “What was that Doll? From what I remembered I oh so bravely carried you to my home while you pelted with punches and cute little threats” excuse me, CUTE ?! there is nothing cute about me threatening to rip your soul outta your body Barnes!

A cocky smirk appeared on his lips as I narrowed my eyes at him, “you do realise that you’re now stuck with me now Barnes? If I was you I’d be sleeping with one eye open” outta the corner of my eye I saw Steve bring a hand up to his face and cover it while shaking his head, since when did that bugger get sassy?! Instead of taking my threat seriously, Bucky smiles as his puts his arm around me with a shit-eating grin on his face, “You know you love me doll, heck how could ya not look at this face!” now it was my turn to facepalm.

What the hell did I just agree to?!

Things have finally started looking up for the reader! Thanks for Reading :)

Rose xx

[your-disobedient-servant]

Aaron Burr and his umbrella misfortunes

Home at 4. Caught in the rain, having yesterday left my umbrella at Brentford—no doubt lost. Dinner, B. and K. Read out the review of the "Life of Washington" by Marshall and Ramsay. The review is full as stupid, and as illy written, as either of the books.

- December 6, 1808 

Loses umbrella for the first time. (Bonus throwing shade on Life of Washington and its review.)

Rose at ten. Such is the mode in London. Sor. at 1. Going up Haymarket, met Madame O., and walked with her half an hour. Went to the stage-house in Piccadilly to inquire for my umbrella, but with little hope. It was there, brought by the coachman; 1 shilling 6 pence. How very honest people are here, and yet I am cheated most impudently every hour!

- December 7, 1808

Finds the umbrella, has to pay to get it back.

Rose at 6. Set off at 7. I sleep very soundly in these stage coaches. By sleeping, however, forgot to ask for my umbrella, which I had left at Stanmore.

-  December 14, 1808 

When he seemingly forgets it again.

Stayed to dinner. Out at 10; raining, took K.'s umbrella, having lost my own. Koe overtook me, having run all that way in the rain; sent by Bentham to bring me back to sleep, he not suspecting that I was going off. Apologized.

- February 8, 1808

And again.

As I was writing the concluding line of the preceding page last evening (about 1 o'clock) an ill-looking fellow opened my door without knocking, and muttering in German something which I did not comprehend, bid me put out my candle. Being in no very placid humor at the moment, as you see, I cursed him and sent him to hell in French and English. He advanced and was going to seize the candle. My umbrella, which had a dirk in the handle, being near me, I seized it, drew the dirk, and drove him out of the room. Some minutes after I heard the steps of a number of men and looking out at my windows saw it was a corporal's guard. It then occurred to me that this Erfurt, being a garrison town with a French governor (de Vismes), there might probably enough be an order for extinguishing lights at a certain hour, and I had no doubt but the gentlemen I had just seen in the street were coming to invite me to take a walk with them. So I bundled up my papers and put them in my pocket to be ready for a lodging in the guard house. It was only the relief of the centinels' going round and who the impertinent extinguisher was I have not learnt.

- January 9, 1810

So much to unpack here I don’t know where to even start. I don’t know if my favourite thing is

that there was a stranger barging into his room insisting he puts out the candle,

that he crankily attacked him with a knife,

that the knife was hidden inside the handle of his umbrella,

that he suddenly remembered there was a law forbidding light after a certain hour

and was afraid the guards passing by might be coming for him

...or that he had a rare stroke of luck and nothing happened

Sor. 11 to the umbrella-mender; nothing done.

- April 20, 1810

I had no paraplui² and was resolved not to take coach if one had offered. Got home wet to the skin, from head to foot. Jul. made me a good fire, for my chimney was reformed a little. Changed clothes. Caf. blanc, and am quite refreshed.

2 For farafluit. Umbrella.

- October 18, 1810

Deliberating on the state of my finances, found that this sans sous state was not only inconvenient, but dangerous; for instance, this morning I hit a glass window with my umbrella, and had nearly forced it through one of three large panes. In such a case you have only to pay, and there's an end of it; but had I broken the pane and not been able to pay for it, I must infallibly have been taken before a commissionaire de police to abide his judgment.

- December 10, 1810

Burr what were you doing

Thence to Vanderlyn's to get more newspapers. While there it set in to rain; had no umbrella, and got wet.

- December 12, 1811

A brilliant morning. Sun shining bright for this hemisphere. Went out without my umbrella. Before I got one hundred yards it began to rain. Went back for the umbrella.

- February 13, 1811

At least you went back for it this time I guess?

Very grave and philosophical, and full of good resolutions. Have lost my umbrella! But it is better to begin in the usual form.

- February 18, 1811

Had breakfast at 6. Was sitting in the parlor below reading a newspaper. Received a smart click on the head. It was Madame. "Mais vous etes la tout tranquille. Vous laissez tous vos hardes pele mele. Voila votre paraplui. Vous ne pensez a rien. Vous etes come un enfant. Le diligence va partir et vous ne faites rien"².

2 For "Mais vous êtes là tout tranquille. Vous laissez toutes vos hardes pêle-mêle. Voilà votre parapluie. Vous ne pensez à rien. Vous êtes comme un enfant. Le diligence va partir et vous ne faites rien." "But you are quite at your ease there. You leave all your clothes lying pell mell. There is your umbrella. You don'tthink of anything. You are like a child. The diligence is going to leave you and you are doing nothing."  

- May 18, 1811

After the fireworks were done, Mr. L. proposed that he and I should walk along the river and about the palace, to see the various illuminations. F. recommended this; we saw her in the carriage, and she went off; we were to take our chance for a hack. Mr. L., not being well acquainted with the ground, and the confusion produced by the variety of light, led us astray, and when we reached the river found ourselves 1/2 mile above the bridge. It now began to rain hard; we had no surtouts or umbrellas. When we reached the bridge, there was nothing to be seen which we had not before seen from a better point of view. We, therefore, took shelter in the first house we could get in ; but the crowd was so immense that even this was difficult. At length we had room to stand up under cover. Mr. L. then went out to hunt a carriage. All were engaged. He went in another direction, and, after an hour, returned without success. He was not to be discouraged. Out he went again. A guinea was asked for a seat to town, about six or seven miles; and then you must be crammed in with six or eight drenched people. At 1/2 p. 1 he returned with a carriage; at what price I know not, for he would not let me interfere.

- June 23, 1811

I should say this was the same day as, or shall I say directly after the “got brain freeze and thought he was dying” episode. Burr just can’t catch a damn break.

The chevalier led me au P. R., after strolling an hour, in a caffe into a cellar, which I will describe as well as I can. We took ice-creams. There was music and a ventriloquist. We agreed to neglect Madame F. At 1/2 p. 10 I got home. [...] Mem.: Left my new umbrella at that confounded ventriloquist's and am sure shall never see it again.

- June 30, 1811

My umbrella is lost; lost 32 francs. Paid for our ice-creams 3 francs.

- July 1, 1811

To near Luxembourg 5 to get an umbrella which some one, unknown, left in my room a fortnight ago, and which has, therefore, become my property by prescription. Paid for mending it, 3 francs.

- July 11, 1811

Score! Gains an umbrella instead of losing it for once.

The morning appearing fine, went out without my umbrella and got well wetted. It is against my conscience, you know, to hire a hack.

- January 29, 1812

Set out for Lincoln's Inn Fields, but hard rain coming on, and having taken no umbrella, the morning being fine, turned about and stopped a few minutes at Godwin's. Continued in all the rain; by musing, lost my way and got wet to the skin. Home at 4. Changed and made a great fire.

- January 30, 1812

Burr. Burr.

And here is where the fun begins:

Got home at 4, and discovered that I had lost my umbrella; a most serious misfortune, and little hope of recovering it, as I have no recollection where I stopped. It is impossible for me to buy one or to do without one.

- February 18, 1812

Slept near seven hours last night, and did not rise till 8. My umbrella hung heavy at my heart. Went to hunt for it. Walked back on the track I came from J. H.'s yesterday, and called at the places I had been; but no umbrella. It is finally lost, and I must submit to the inconvenience of getting wet and of spoiling my clothes. 

- February 19, 1812

Then home, following again the track of my poor lost umbrella, but to no purpose. 

- February 20, 1812

I had intended to have breakfasted at J. B.'s, for the purpose of taking the retorts early to friend Allen; but in the first place I slept till 9, and in the next it rained in torrents and you know my umbrella is on a voyage. [...] The rain setting in again, bought me the cheapest umbrella I could find that was large enough. Cost 10 shillings and 6 pence.

- March 2, 1812

THE END.

[weloveabigblackcar]

I’d just like to introduce you to these random characters my siblings and I made up on a long car ride. Last year they had to go through the atrocity of being quarantined with the rest of us.

Without further ado... meet these absolute weirdos.

Quarantine from Adam’s Point of View

March 14, 2020-Day 1

So, the whole world is under quarantine right now because some geniuses decided that eating bats would be a good idea. Yeah, that wasn’t the smartest way to go guys. We have a pandemic now… Thanks…

Anyway, I have decided to document the IQ of me, James, and Garth as it slowly decreases. Not that we had a lot to begin with, but having us all cooped up for a long time in one place is bound to go pear-shaped at some point.

We didn’t really do anything today other than process the fact that we’re going to have to stay in one place for who knows how long instead of driving around the country. But I’m sure things will get more interesting as time goes on.

March 18, 2020-Day 5

Today, we braved the outdoors and went to the store to stock up. It was like the entire population was at the store, it was awful. We ended up buying lots of things we needed, and a lot more that we didn’t need. Today has been a lesson to never bring Garth shopping. We lost her a total of six times, and when we did have her with us, she kept pulling puppy eyes whenever she wanted something even though she’s 17. There’s got to be something about her being an alien that makes it so you can’t resist it. Dang it Garth.

March 27, 2020-Day 14

James keeps asking if deer can get the virus because he’s been worrying about his family. In case you were wondering, no, James is not a nature freak, yes, I said his family are deer (kind of), and yes, James is a deer... on occasion. It’s kinda weird, but so are Garth and I. I mean, she’s an alien and I’m English so there really isn’t that much of a difference.

Also today, I read an entire 900-page book. It was really nice until I realized I hadn’t been interrupted yet. So I went on an adventure to go find the children, aka James and Garth, and found them playing Monopoly. Neither of them knows how to play Monopoly, and they lost the rules, so they resorted to using the money to gamble for pop tarts. I don’t think they know how to gamble either because usually, you’re gambling for the money, not the other way around. But thank you, James, for gambling away all of my pop tarts. I can never forgive you.

April 7, 2020-Day 25

So we’re trying to make our own food today because we ran out of Eggo waffles. It’s been interesting so far. Garth pulled out all the Kool-Aid from her stash that we bought like two weeks ago that she said she’d use, but hasn’t. So now we’re making Kool-Aid pickles, and we haven’t even had breakfast yet.

Upon realizing we couldn’t eat the pickles yet, we decided to see how many different foods we could make with Kool-Aid. We made some cookies and popsicles, but then, after accepting the fact that none of us can really effectively make food, resorted to adding to our mess of flour on the ceiling and eggs on the walls by making finger paint (out of Kool-Aid) and painting the counters. We made a huge mess, obviously, and spent the remaining hours of the day cleaning and realizing that we actually don’t have anything better to do with our lives.

April 15, 2020-Day 33

Today James learned that Garth doesn’t know how to use a toaster. We had no idea she didn’t know how to use it, and I guess we just assumed she did because she looks human enough, but she’s not… They had a conversation from across the house that went along the lines of this:

James- “Garth?!”

Garth- “What?”

James- “The toaster’s on fire!”

Garth- “What?!”

James- “The. Toaster. Is. On. Fire!”

Garth- ��Well yeah, I heard you.”

James- “Garth..?”

Garth- “...Yes?”

James- “Uh… How many pieces of bread did you put in the toaster?”

Garth- “Three…? I think.”

James- “Garth, you can’t put three pieces of bread in the toaster!”

Garth- “Why not?”

James- “Maybe because it’s only made for one piece of bread? Maybe because if you put in more than one it catches on fire?”

Garth- “Well, that’s dumb. What if I want three pieces of toast?”

James- “Buy yourself a bigger toaster Garth, buy yourself a bigger toaster. Or cook them one at a time, but you should just buy a bigger toaster so I don’t have to cook my toasts individually.”

And then James walked away leaving the toaster on fire. It was kind of entertaining. Who am I kidding, it was the most entertaining thing that’s happened all week even though the house almost burnt down and I had to clean it up. If I’m being honest though, I’m glad that I was the one cleaning it up because after last time... I’m the only one I trust with a fire extinguisher.

April 29, 2020-Day 47

I can now say that I have mastered the art of knitting, and I am not too proud of it. I’ve made sweaters, socks, and hats for the three of us because knitting takes up a lot of time, and I have run out of other, even slightly productive things to do. I also made little caps to stick on the ends of James’s antlers just because I can. Garth thinks they’re absolutely hilarious. She also thinks the fact that I taught myself how to knit from YouTube is hilarious too. She’s just jealous that I can do something she can’t.

May 4, 2020-Day 52

Today, my friends, is Star Wars day. We merged today and tomorrow so that we could eat tacos in our ship. It’s taco day tomorrow, also known as Cinco De Mayo, if you didn’t figure it out already and yeah… we built a ship. It’s in the living room, correction, it is the living room now, and it probably won’t leave for the rest of quarantine. We made it out of a bunch of cardboard and it took all of yesterday to put together, but it was totally worth it. We put the tv in there and a bunch of pillows and blankets. There’s also a table and a bunch of junk food. Not like we have anything else at this point. Well, we have the pickles… but no one is brave enough to try them yet. The ship fort is pretty cozy though. Garth said that she wants to live in it until this thing is over and I honestly won’t be surprised if she does.

May..? 2020?? Day… I’ve Lost Count

We haven’t been outside in the past two weeks and we’ve been living off of the Kool-Aid pickles that we made a while ago and Garth’s hoard of Pop-Tarts that are technically mine. I don’t know what day it is anymore, I’ve stopped keeping track because there really isn’t any point in doing so. I don’t even know if it’s May anymore. It might be June or maybe it’s September, who knows. It might even be 2021 I don’t know.

Garth now resides on the ceiling of our spaceship in a blanket cocoon and hasn’t come out since the week of Cinco De Mayo. She only lets me and James in sometimes for movie nights and if she needs food. I think she’s trying to hide the fact that she hasn’t slept in a month (which honestly doesn’t surprise me) and has binge-watched all of Doctor Who and is now starting on Supernatural. Aside from Garth, James and I have kept ourselves somewhat entertained. We learned how to play the spoons last week and it turns out that in you do it by ‘Garth’s’ spaceship, the creature will emerge and socialize for a few minutes. We’ve also learned how to do a bunch of random things like saying hello in 48 different languages, how to properly tie a tie (even though we’ll probably never exercise that skill again), how to cut an onion without crying, and how to escape being mummied with duct tape… that one took a while and a lot of tape.

I think it’s official that we’ve gone completely stir crazy and even when we get out of this, we’ll probably still be mentally impaired from this experience. I won’t be able to write anymore because I’ve run out of space and James needs as much attention as a newborn so farewell until… another time.

[ollieofthebeholder]

leaves too high to touch (roots too strong to fall): a TMA fanfic

[1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8] [9] [10] [11] [12] [13] [14] [15] [16] [17] [18] Also on AO3

Chapter 19: Martin

It shouldn’t really startle Martin when he falls asleep mid-conversation. After all, it’s been a rather traumatic twenty-four hours, both physically and emotionally. He’s in a decent amount of pain, and he needs rest to heal. He knows all of that, logically. But he’s also never been good at sleeping if there’s anyone else awake in the room, so when he wakes up in a dark room and realizes that the last thing he recalls is Tim starting—but not finishing—one of his terrible jokes, he’s not sure what surprises him more, the fact that he fell asleep or the fact that he actually feels rested.

Sort of, anyway. He’s sore all over—the painkillers have obviously run their course—but he’s not too tired to think, and he’s obviously slept deeply. He stares at the blurry void currently standing in for the ceiling and tries to figure out how he feels about that. It should be a good thing, but it’s…well, there’s no other word for it, it’s weird.

In the grand scheme of things, it’s not that weird. Not as weird as the fact that he’s been talking to a future version of himself for eight days—somehow without knowing he’s blind—or the fact that his future self and Jon’s future self seem insanely close. Not as weird as being held hostage by a woman riddled with worms or attacked in his workplace by that same woman and her moderately-sized army of parasites. Not as weird as entities fueled by fear or an apocalypse being caused by a semi-immortal man currently disguised as an ordinary pencil-pusher. It is, in fact, the ordinary kind of weird, and really, Martin shouldn’t be getting hung up on it. Nevertheless, here he is, unable to understand when he came to trust the rest of the Archival team enough that he feels safe enough to fall asleep while they’re still awake to do things to him.

He really needs therapy, something he’s known for years, but several of the reasons he needs therapy tie into why he avoids therapy and it’s just a whole mess. The only reason he hasn’t done it that doesn’t tie into yet another trauma or blow to his psyche is the fact that he really can’t afford it. He’s barely scraping by as it is, and God only knows how he’s going to manage the need to move. He’s been in the same building for eleven years and rent’s gone up twice, and it’s still cheaper than most other places. Even if he does find someplace that doesn’t cost more, he’ll have to come up with the first month’s rent and the security deposit ahead of time, and then there’s the fact that he’s going to have to replace pretty much everything he owns that he didn’t manage to gather up for his temporary stay in the Archives; Jon and Sasha came back from getting their things and informed him regretfully that Mrs. Mattson had already thrown out what was left in his old flat and rented it out again. Add in the fact that he has to make up almost half of the fees at the home his mother insisted on moving into, and he’s not going to have the spare funds for, well, anything. Let alone therapy.

He sighs heavily and tries to sit up. It’s nice of Tim to let him sleep in the recliner, but when he first wakes up, it’s a bit of a struggle. And he honestly can’t figure out how he keeps lying back, since he’s pretty sure he falls asleep still sitting up. Maybe he’s doing it in his sleep, or maybe he’s just so tired he doesn’t remember settling back. Whatever it is, he discovered yesterday that it’s hard for him to use the appropriate strength to manipulate the recliner back into an upright position. Or at least to do it quietly. The others are still asleep—as far as he knows—and he doesn’t want to disturb them. He can tell himself all he wants that they need rest, that they deserve to have their sleep uninterrupted, that it’s been a rough couple of days for them too, but if he’s being honest it cycles back to his fear of the consequences of disturbing his mother while she was resting. Nine years and he still can’t make himself turn on a light before sunrise if the door isn’t firmly shut or listen to music without headphones after four in the afternoon. He wonders if he’ll ever be free.

The handle engages suddenly and the footrest goes down with a deceptively soft thwump that rocks Martin forward abruptly. He bites back a gasp of pain and waits for the world to stop swimming.

“Martin?”

The whispered call from not far away makes him flinch. Martin looks up, apologies ready on his lips, then realizes he’s not wearing his glasses and has no idea who was talking. He fumbles for them and puts them on just as Jon steps carefully around the end of the coffee table and perches on the end of the sofa next to him.

“I heard you starting to wake up,” Jon says softly. He holds something out—a mug. “I, ah, I was making tea anyway, so I thought…”

“O-oh.” Martin blinks in surprise and reaches out carefully to take the mug. “Ah, thank you?”

Their fingers brush, and it’s all Martin can do not to drop the mug or spill it on himself. He can feel the blush rising in his cheeks. God, it’s probably visible even with no lights.

“You’re welcome. I—you do so much for us. It seemed like high time someone did something for you for a change.” Jon pauses, then adds, “I hope I got it right. I—I know I haven’t exactly asked, but it—it seemed like what I remembered from after dinner?”

Martin takes a cautious sip of the tea and nearly chokes in surprise. “It’s perfect. Thank you.”

He can just make out Jon’s unfairly attractive smile before he brings his own mug to his lips. They sit in silence for a long moment, both of them seemingly lost in thought. Martin isn’t sure how much he’s actually thinking, though, beyond panicking slightly. It’s the first time he’s been alone with Jon, really, since he started living in the Archives. And after the last couple of days…he still has no idea where the two of them stand. If they’re on a friendlier footing, if they’ve found common ground, or if things are going to go back to normal once the initial shock wears off.

“What time is it?” he finally asks.

“About four in the morning. You’ve been asleep roughly nine hours.”

Martin exhales. “Christ, I had no idea I fell asleep that early.”

Jon tilts his head slightly. “Well, you’re healing. You’re likely going to do a fair amount of sleeping. We tried to keep it down.”

“I don’t mean to be an inconvenience like that,” Martin says, his stomach twisting. The idea that everyone has to be quiet because of him…

“Don’t be ridiculous, Martin, you’re not an inconvenience.” Jon sets his mug down on the table and turns to face Martin fully. “I—I know I’ve been overly critical of you over the last year. I really am sorry. I never meant to—I shouldn’t have treated you like that.”

“It’s—”

“Don’t say it’s all right. It isn’t. You’ve never been anything but diligent and conscientious, you’ve always gone above and beyond, and I—” Jon exhales. “The truth is, I-I was scared. I didn’t feel…adequate. Like I wasn’t up for the task. I didn’t—I never applied for this job either. Elias picked me, and I had no idea why. I don’t have a background in library science, o-or administration or anything like that. I couldn’t have told you why he offered me the job, but…well, I’m not sure I could have said no if I’d wanted to. A-and then you turned up in my office and said Elias had appointed you, and…I honestly thought he’d sent you to keep an eye on me. To, to report back to him if I stepped out of line or didn’t do the job properly. And then Rosie gave me a copy of your CV and I saw how long you’d been with the Institute, and all your credentials—”

“Most of which were fake.”

“Which I didn’t know at the time. I—I got intimidated.” Jon gives a small laugh. “I saw someone with more experience than all three of us put together and I thought, God, he wanted this job and didn’t get it and now he’s going to be reporting back to Elias every time I step out of line. I kept putting you down on the official recordings because—I don’t know, maybe part of me was hoping it would influence things in my favor if there was ever a dispute? And…I think I was projecting a lot of my own insecurities onto you. I am deeply sorry.”

Well, Jon won’t let him say it’s all right, but…Martin swallows hard and tries to smile. “I forgive you. And I’m sorry, too. I should have told you the truth sooner, but…I don’t know. I was afraid you’d fire me.”

“Considering the first interaction we ever had was me threatening you over that dog, I’d be afraid I’d fire me too.” Jon pauses. “I wonder what would have happened if I’d actually tried.”

Martin actually doesn’t want to think about it. He looks into the depths of the mug in his hands, then sets it on the end table where his glasses were previously. “I’m sorry if I woke you up.”

“You didn’t—oh, you mean the ‘I heard you starting to wake up’ thing? I was already awake.” Jon sighs. “I honestly don’t sleep very well these days. I-it’s not just the nightmares, it’s also…the worrying. About you. All three of you, really, but—you in particular.”

“Me?” Martin’s voice is louder than he means it to be. Tim grunts from somewhere else in the room and both Martin and Jon freeze, but after a moment he makes an odd sort of snorfling sound and seems to settle back into sleep. Martin rubs a hand over his mouth, trying to be careful of the bandages.

“Why me?” he asks, remembering to whisper this time.

Jon is silent for a moment. Martin is about to apologize for having asked when he says, “I could be glib and say it’s because you were the one being stalked by Jane Prentiss, and that is part of it, but…it’s also just that it’s you. It’s not that I don’t think you can take care of yourself just as well as Tim or Sasha can. I do. It’s…I really wasn’t sure before the last couple of days why that was. I’m still not completely sure, but I think I have a bit of a better idea.”

“We worry about you, too, you know.” Martin desperately wants to ask what Jon’s idea is, but he also doesn’t want to pry. “Ask, erm, Martin Prime. I asked him what I could do to help and he said not to let you get hurt and I kind of panicked a little.”

Jon chuckles. “I suppose that is a next-to-impossible task.”

“No, I mean I panicked at the idea that you would get hurt,” Martin says. He wonders how much he can say without betraying how he feels. The Primes are close friends, that much is obvious, but he and Jon aren’t anywhere near that point and he doesn’t want to ruin his chances of even that by blurting out that he’s fallen for his boss like a ton of bricks. This is also probably not the time to bring it up. They’re all a bit…emotionally compromised right now, and he’s still not sure what’s going to happen when the adrenaline of the last two days wears off. Even if Jon’s just said he worries about Martin. Fleetingly, he wonders if Martin Prime ever told Jon Prime how he felt and when, and he wishes it was a question he thought to ask while they had some time alone in the last week. “I-I mean, that was my biggest worry when I realized Jane Prentiss had followed me home, you know? I wasn’t just worried about what she’d do to me. I was worried she might…follow me to the Archives. Come after one of you, but especially you. A-and then when she texted you after I made my statement…” He sighs. “It’s stupid. I know it’s stupid. But there was a part of me thinking that if I needed to stay in the Archives, maybe the rest of you should have too, you know?”

“No, you’re—you’re not wrong. Truthfully, that was one of the things that I kept obsessing over last night,” Jon confesses in a low voice. “When I saw—when I realized—” He breaks off and looks away. “All I could think was that something had happened, that you could be hurt, and that you’d been alone and—God, I should have insisted we all stay. Or that you come stay with one of us from the outset. Although in retrospect…I’m not certain what would have happened if your counterpart had been alone in the Archives at the time. Not that I knew he was there, but…”

“Yeah,” Martin says quietly. He swallows against the sudden, unexpected lump in his throat. “I’m—I’m still glad you weren’t there, though. I-I was glad when it happened, and I was even more glad when I saw Jon Prime and…honestly, Jon, this sucks. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. Least of all you. O-or Tim,” he adds hastily. “Or Sasha, but, I mean, she didn’t…not in their timeline, anyway.”

“No, but…that doesn’t mean we wanted you to have to get hurt, either,” Jon says. “It’s not exactly a fair trade.” He looks up at Martin. “A-are you in pain? Do you need your painkillers?”

The answer is yes, but Martin fights the urge to nod. “They, ah, they have to be taken with food. It’s—it’s not as bad as it was yesterday, at least.”

“Hold on. I think I can help with that.”

“Jon—” Martin begins, but it’s too late. Jon has already stood up from the sofa and headed in the direction of the kitchen.

Martin swears under his breath in Polish, then manages to get to his feet without hurting himself. He carefully picks up both mugs of tea and follows Jon, a bit more slowly. Partly it’s the pain, partly it’s force of habit. He doesn’t know where the joists or creaky floorboards might be, and it’s still early, he can’t risk waking people up because he’s walking too loudly. He’s already had one close call too many tonight.

He makes it to the kitchen. Jon is messing about with something, using the night-light mounted above the sink to see by. Martin can’t see what he’s doing. He sets the mugs down carefully on the table and asks, “What are you doing?”

Jon jumps and whirls around, brandishing a butter knife in one hand. He relaxes. “Martin—I didn’t hear you come in. I—I just thought—” He gestures at the counter. “It’s not much, but I thought I’d make you a sandwich at least. Get something in your stomach so you can take the pills.”

“You really don’t have to do that,” Martin protests, feeling his cheeks heat up. “I-I can wait until—”

“I’m sure you can, but there’s no reason you should,” Jon says briskly. “It’s been enough time that you’re certainly able to take your painkillers, and you need them, so why wait and make yourself feel worse?”

There’s a certain amount of logic in that, Martin has to admit. “I just…don’t want to be a bother.”

Jon places a sandwich in front of him firmly and lays a hand on his arm. “Martin,” he says sincerely, “the last thing you are is a bother. Sit down and eat. I’ll be right back.”

He heads out of the kitchen, leaving Martin incredibly confused and slightly embarrassed.

Lacking any better option, he sits down to eat the sandwich Jon has made for him. He doesn’t know what to expect, but it’s certainly not what he bites into. The first taste of it on his tongue almost makes him cry, and he closes his eyes, savoring it.

He hears footsteps and swallows hastily, opening his eyes as Jon comes back into the room. He sets the pill bottle next to Martin’s elbow, then sits down next to him and picks up his mug of tea. “Is it all right?”

“It’s perfect,” Martin says before he thinks it through and almost swallows his tongue. Oh, well, no taking it back now—best to press forward. “I didn’t know Tim ate cherry preserves.”

“I don’t think he does. He teased me a bit about being ‘elitist’ the first time he saw me eating them.”

Martin stops mid-chew and definitely swallows a too-solid bite. It takes him a second before he’s able to speak. “You like them, too?”

Jon’s eyes widen. “Too? I—I mean, obviously you like them, you’re eating the sandwich—God, I didn’t even think to ask, I just assumed…”

“No, it’s—I’ve always liked them,” Martin says. “My—my granddad had a couple cherry trees in his backyard. He used to make preserves every year, and…I dunno. They just remind me of visiting him.” He takes another bite of the sandwich.

Jon nods thoughtfully. “I’ve always been fond of cherry preserves. Well, cherry anything, actually. My grandmother used to bake cherry pies on my birthday in lieu of a cake.”

Martin smiles. “Granddad always did that for me, too.”

“I’ll remember that for next year.” Jon smiles, too.

For a few minutes, there’s silence as Martin finishes the sandwich. When the last bite is gone, Jon takes the plate and gets up to wash it while Martin struggles for a moment to get the cap off the pill vial and shake out a painkiller. The moment feels oddly…domestic. Calm. Cosy. Martin isn’t sure what to do with it, but he decides to try and let himself enjoy it. It’s never worked for him before, but he can give it a shot.

Finally, Jon sits back down next to him. “Feeling better?”

“Yeah. Thanks.” It’s not just the painkiller, which probably hasn’t actually started to work yet. It’s the tea, and the sandwich, and Jon being nice. He tries to figure out how to articulate it, then finally says, “It’s the first time in I don’t know how long that I don’t feel afraid.”

Jon exhales. “I know the feeling. I mean—I know I should be. The world is objectively terrifying, and learning what we learned today made that exponentially worse. But…this right here? I’m definitely calmer and more relaxed than I’ve been since I took the Archivist job.”

Something in Martin’s chest warms at the comment. It probably isn’t meant like that, but it’s nice to hear he’s not making Jon stressed by his mere presence, at least. And, hey, he can dream. All he says, though, is, “’S nice.”

“It is.” Jon takes a sip of his tea and stares into it for a moment, then snorts softly and shakes his head.

“What?”

“It’s just…something my counterpart said. While we were talking outside. I hadn’t thought about it before, but…he’s right.” Jon looks up. “He told me he hasn’t finished a cup of tea in years that—that his Martin hasn’t made for him. It just occurred to me that I’m the same way. Even when…those two weeks you weren’t in the office? When Jane Prentiss was—” He swallows hard. “I just realized that I would brew myself a cup of tea and it would just…sit on my desk and get cold. I never managed to drink more than half of it. I suppose it just tastes better when you make it.”

Martin doesn’t know quite how to respond to that. “You make tea just fine. This is perfect.”

Jon hums noncommittally. He seems to be debating with himself, then sighs. “You’re far more observant than I am at times…you know they’re together, right?”

Martin’s brain pulls up short. “Wait, what?”

“Our…counterparts. The Primes. They’re—they love each other. He told me that when I asked him, and…God, in retrospect, it’s so obvious. I-I suppose I just didn’t see it.” Jon looks suddenly nervous as he scans Martin’s face. “You’re more…in tune with that sort of thing than I. You did know, didn’t you?”

“N-no,” Martin manages to stammer out. Oh, God, he can feel his cheeks heating up. Jon’s right, though, in retrospect it’s obvious. He thinks about all the little interactions the Primes have had with one another, the way they both fuss over each other, the way they seem to know what the other is thinking. The lighthearted, affectionate banter, the near-constant physical contact. Jon Prime rubbing his thumb over Martin Prime’s knuckles to calm himself when he gets overwhelmed, Martin Prime reaching for Jon Prime instinctively when he needs a hand up.

Then, suddenly, he remembers the way Martin Prime spoke about the person who was coming back to meet him, when he assured Martin that if they’ve come through somewhere else, they’re looking for me. Logically, he knows now that person was Jon Prime, but he somehow didn’t make the connection between the two. It’s as if his brain saw Jon Prime walk in and instantly erased every conclusion that conversation made him come to. It didn’t occur to him, at the time, that Jon would even bother to bring him back in time with him, let alone be looking for him. Now he takes a mental step back, re-evaluates every moment between the Primes in light of that conversation, and wants to smack himself on the forehead for being an idiot.

“You’re right, though. I really should have figured that out sooner,” he murmurs. “God knows I had enough information to put it together. Guess I just assumed there couldn’t possibly be a universe where I—”

He snaps off the words as quickly as he can. Oh, God, he really almost said it out loud. Almost let Jon know how he feels. He’s not stupid, the Primes have a lot more history between them than he and Jon do, and he doesn’t doubt for a minute that they haven’t been together long, relatively speaking. Probably only since Jon Prime rescued Martin Prime from the Lonely. The circumstances that led them to this point are ones they’re trying to undo, and Martin seriously doubts he and Jon will ever get to that point. It’s best if he tries to let this thing die now and be happy for his counterpart getting this much.

Jon looks like he wants to ask him a question, but doesn’t. Instead, he says quietly, “They weren’t going to tell you. Us, I suppose, but…I asked him. How he felt about his Martin. Mostly because I was trying to figure out how I felt about you, and I thought knowing his thoughts would help untangle mine.”

Martin has to try twice before he can get the words out. “Did it?”

Jon gives a small, humorless laugh. “Not really. In truth, it just made things more confusing. I…” He rubs his thumb against the knuckle of his index finger, the same nervous tic Jon Prime uses when he doesn’t have Martin Prime’s hand to hold. “I-I got scared when I arrived at the Institute the other night. I was…there was all that chaos, all those lights and sirens and activity, and—and I realized you weren’t in the crowd. All I could think of was that there’d been a fire and you hadn’t woken in time, or that you’d been trapped and been…burned or breathed in too much of the CO2 or something. I tried to—they wouldn’t let me in after you. Obviously. That makes perfect sense, but…at the time, all I could think of was that you were in there a-and I needed to get to you, that I needed to know you were safe. I was staring at the idea of a world without you and I couldn’t face it. And then…Elias told me Tim and Sasha were down there, and then mentioned Jane Prentiss, and it all got worse and…I don’t know, Martin, I’m rambling. But Tim’s right. I was—I must’ve shouted down half a dozen officials trying to get one of them to tell me where you were, how you were, to—to let me see you. Everyone kept saying you were going to be all right, but I knew I wouldn’t believe it until I saw you.”

“I—I mean, if it had been Sasha or Tim—” Martin begins.

“I don’t know how I would have reacted if it had been them who was hurt. I was definitely worried about them, but…I don’t know.” Jon takes a deep breath. “I’ll be honest. I still don’t really know how I feel. I—I do care about you. I worry about you, I want you to be safe. Beyond that, I—I’m afraid I don’t know.” He manages a small, slightly roguish smile. “I don’t suppose you know how you feel.”

“Oh, Christ,” Martin practically whines. This is not how he wanted any of this to come out, and he doesn’t know if he should say it.

Then it occurs to him that Jon didn’t ask. Jon, who has just learned that he’s developing the ability to force people to answer his questions, and who is probably more likely to do it when he’s tired or stressed out, deliberately avoided actually asking a question. It’s a simple statement. He’s giving Martin permission to not say a word if he doesn’t want to.

Which…actually, weirdly, makes him want to.

He takes a deep breath. “O-okay. The truth is…I’ve kind of had a crush on you for a while. I wasn’t going to say anything, because it’s—I mean, I didn’t want to make things weird, a-and I know you—I was just trying for ‘he doesn’t think I’m a complete idiot’ for a while there. I also thought it was just a stupid workplace crush, and I was kind of hoping it would eventually go away on its own. It didn’t. Ever since I started living in the Archives, it’s just got worse. I guess that’s why I didn’t realize how the Primes felt about each other. I kind of thought I was projecting, o-or seeing what I wanted to see, maybe? I don’t know. But I do worry, and I do…I do care.”

“That’s not why you went back to Carlos Vittery’s apartment, is it?” Jon’s voice is so soft Martin almost doesn’t hear it, but his eyes are worried. “Because you thought I…?”

“No,” Martin assures him. “No, I—you know, I know I said I was trying to ‘make sure I’d done my due diligence’ and all that, but what was behind that was that I’d been…I felt pressured  to go back. Like a nagging, persistent headache. I get it all the time, really, when I’m doing research. Remember when you sent me to track down that…that Angela woman? For the—”

“The man who was falling to pieces. I remember.”

“I know you got exasperated with me, but I literally couldn’t stop until I’d talked to every Angela I could find. I’d think ‘well, I’m not going to find her, I’m going back to the Institute now,’ but I’d get this blinding headache and it wouldn’t go away until I went ‘okay, just one more.’ It’s only got worse as time goes on. So no, I didn’t…get myself into this mess because I was trying to impress you or whatever.” Martin can’t help the small, nervous chuckle that escapes him. “’Course, if it did impress you, I wouldn’t complain.”

“What impressed me was that you kept your head well enough to survive and get back to your apartment, never mind the Institute,” Jon says warmly. “If it were me, I’d likely have done something stupid like go back for my phone when I realized I’d dropped it.” He sighs. “I—I don’t want to make things awkward. But I also don’t want to…promise anything.”

“I don’t expect anything, Jon.” Martin learned a long time ago not to expect anything. As far as he’s concerned, the phrase good things come to those who wait is inapplicable. In his case, it’s more like good things come to those who aren’t you. He has friends, in Tim and Sasha at least. That’s more than he probably deserves.

Jon studies him for a moment, then smiles slightly and holds out his hand. “How about I apologize for being such an ass to you, and we start with friends and see where it goes from there?”

This is the last thing Martin would have ever anticipated, but he’s certainly not going to object. He smiles in reply and takes Jon’s hand. “Deal.”

They shake on it—very gently, Jon is careful of the healing wounds on Martin’s hands—and then sit back. Jon studies Martin. “Did they tell you how long you’ll need to wear the bandages?”

“Until things stop bleeding when I take them off?” Martin shrugs. “Hopefully not too long. Some of them are…deeper than others. I’m supposed to make an appointment with my regular doctor for a follow-up in a couple of weeks.”

“We’ll make sure you get there safely,” Jon promises. He picks up his mug and salutes Martin with it. “After all, what are friends for?”

Martin grins, feeling more relaxed than he’s felt in a while, and salutes Jon back. “What indeed?”

[greatgaynovel]

So me and the Pisces Charles officially ended it today/yesterday. Originally I had called 2 weeks, so pretty darn close! I did get bitched out by his friend and I’ll definitely talk about that, but I just don’t even know where to begin.

This was most definitely a karmic relationship. If you don’t know what a karmic relationship is, it’s basically a relationship that ended in heartache, but that moved you with some sort of lesson. Something that had to happen in order to teach you something. I learned that I should just keep my mouth shut. For future dates, I will craft texts, read them and say - “does this sound passive aggressive?” If the answer is yes, I will rethink said response and fix the attitude. On the 25th I confronted him about the whole thinking about his ex BS. I said I was going to wait longer, but I’m usually pretty good at pinpointing when I should interject a conversation with a complaint.

He was staying up for 24 hours in hopes of restarting his sleep cycle. His problem is the fact that he does this, but then sleeps for 14 hours, not really fixing his cycle at all. I had said enough about that though, so I wanted to bring this up as soon as possible.

A part of me wanted to wait, but the honest part of me wanted to throw him this in the midst of his despair, and see how he reacted. I knew that if I caught him after he was all fresh and slept, that he could possibly just give me what I want to hear. Trust me, who doesn’t want to hear the good stuff? I love it too. But I am tired of Charles just giving me the good, so I shut up about the bad.

I decided it would be better to bring it up while he was already in a bad mood, so I could see the real reaction.

I told him that I did not feel comfortable with the fact that he is losing sleep over the fact that he is overthinking different scenarios that happened with his ex. I should have known when he told me he got out of an abusive relationship just a few months ago. I should have seen the red flags, but here we are.

He once again reassured me that it should not affect me at all. I sensed his responses weren’t genuine. Usually he mixes in a few reasons as to why I mean so much to him. Something felt fishy. So in my head, I did what I usually do when I need him to realize that I’m mad, I decided I was going to give him the cold shoulder.

At the time I didn’t realize all the times I was passive aggressive this week. He’s warned me about this before. When I asked him to do my hair wednesday, he said no and I started to hide away and give him the shoulder. When he turned down my dinner plans on Thursday, then the real attitude started.

When he said - “Okay you need to stop this shitty attitude or I’m going to pull away more, Mitch.”

My mind immediately turned to fuck him up mode. You see, before Valentine’s I was going to break it off with him, but when he pulled all the stops on V day, I gave him another chance. But I went into the relationship saying the mantra “I don’t really need him” and “let’s just see where this goes.”

We argued until I pulled it out of him that he’s been fed up with my passive aggressive attitude and that he can’t handle my “toddler shit” - which is a direct reference to my Aries sun. I mean, I did warn him that he had broken down my Cancer rising walls and now he’s getting back my Aries sun and gemini moon in all their glory!

I reminded him of all the love bomb things he has said in the past about loving my attitude, but he just couldn’t get his story straight. He started with him being worried about his ex following him. Then it was about the overthinking scenarios thing. Then he tells me nothing I’ve ever said is the reason he’s been doubting the relationship, he just didn’t want to waste my time. Then it goes to me being a terrible person and making him feel like when his ex made him want to commit suicide. Wow really?

To go from the chemistry and connection we had a week ago to the conversation I just had, I was actually mindblown. He even threw in a comment about me gaslighting him. Okay, even if we do come out of this alive, I don’t want anything to do with him otherwise.

He completely made me out to be the bad guy and him the victim. This coming from the boy that lies about pretty much anything. The boy that manipulates me and plays with my emotions. The boy that love bombed me to get me into his trap, and then threw me away like it all meant nothing. The boy that had his friend call me a narcissist and manipulator to further the idea that Charles was actually the things she was accusing me of being.

The entire story that I had made up of him actually got turned around on me. I admit I said some things. I did get drunk last night and say “you are a liar and a coward”, so that didn’t really help the situation. But I just couldn’t help it. I was hurt and angry that he would paint a picture of this person that we both know isn’t me. He did everything the online threads at Lipstick Alley said about the Pisces man. Why didn’t I listen the first time? I should have dumped his ass on Valentine’s Day like I wanted to. Instead I got broken up with in fucking Snapchat. That’s a new low.

Good thing is, I transcribed ALL of our snapchat history this morning before I blocked him so I can chronologically put together the timeline of our short fling, and a bunch of other past stories sprinkled in.

I’M WRITING A MEMOIR!

Oh and I’m single now.

All my love,

Mitch

[the-mira-life-project-mtf]

In Hospital, For Possible COVID-19 Infection.

So Here’s The Story...

So, on July 4th, I traveled with my girlfriend to Ocean Shores for a much needed vacay! With the quarantine...we both were dying to go out, and I wanted to see the fireworks and spend some quality time with my sweetie as we clearly knew the risk!

I was healthy and strong. Best I’ve been since February 2020! We did everything to kill any chance of catching COVID! We deep sanitized the hotel room, wore masks and socially distanced ourselves from other beach goers...but when I was on the sand, I took off my mask in a crowded beach with vacationers.

To be honest, I felt no ‘fear’ of catching COVID. To have CF and go this far without catching it was a miracle; considering I catch everything going around!

The smoke was very thick as like the idiot I am, I left the porch door open to blow in fresh air, but came home to a room filled with firework smog! It was bad! Both my girlfriend and I came down with scratchy throats and slept the night, in agony!

If any place possibly got me infected, was would be either the beach with the tourist or here at The Ocean Lounge where we sat for almost three hours as I nursed my first alcoholic drink and my lovely dine on endless crab.

But even then...I felt fine!

I was still getting over the smoke inhalation, but I was fairing better then my girlfriend who was still coping with a sore throat.

By July 8th, I began to feel ‘off’, sick. I was sunburnt, still recovering from the fourth and dealing with travel. At the Laser Clinic, I wanted to call out badly. I was struggling to breathe and I began coughing a dry-spell.

That night, body aches kicked in and I was noticing that I was becoming severely weaken in this state! I wanted to sleep, but couldn’t manage to sleep as I could not breathe!

I tried to go on as if nothing happened and went shopping and tried working around the house, but it felt like I was being choked out!

I thought of calling my doctor, but didn’t want to bother her with a non-emergency. This was a grave mistake!

By Friday, I felt my symptoms jump from eh-to-not good! I was coughing, gasping, choking. One moment I was in burning at 100.2 and then the next, felt icy cold! I didn’t want to move and I was tiring out!

I went to St. Joes figuring ‘Hell, if they suspect me sick...they know!’ I passed screening easily and even the infusion nurses thought I was okay...but I felt miserable! As if I was suffocating! But with their evaluation...I went home as I hate ER’s and tried to go along with my day.

By dinner, I wasn’t feeling well and as I sat at my computer, I felt like I was drowning!

I waited for it to pass...but it only got bad!

My temps were at 99.8 and I was sweating bad. I decided to travel to St. Anthony’s for immediate care. I had no plans or desires to spend the night there! I just wanted them to open my airways and make me comfortable.

Driving to the hospital, I was struggling to breath and starting to shake and wobble around. They sat me in a wheelchair and began asking familar questions:

‘Have you had in the last 24 hours...sore throat?’ Yes

‘Cough?’ Yes, and productive.

‘Chills?’ Yes, yesterday.

‘Body Aches?’ Um, no.

‘Shortness of Breath?’ Yes.

‘Loss of Smell or Taste?’ No.

‘Fever Over 100.1?’ Yes.

‘What Was It?’ 100.2 yesterday.

‘Chest Pain?’ No.

‘Have you traveled out of state in the last 24 hours?’ No.

‘Have you or anyone in your household tested positive for COVID?’ No.

‘Have you come into contact with someone who was tested positive for COVID?’ Yes. ‘Was this individual hospitalized?’ Yes. ‘When were you last in contact with this individual?’ Six days ago.

‘And when did you first notice symptoms?’ About 4 days ago. ‘Oh-oh!’ she comments, calling immediately for isolation room.

I was wheeled into room 7 as I looked at what had become of the ER that I’ve know well since 2009!

Not once have I’ve seen this ER looking like a scene from the movie ‘outbreak!’

It also does not help to be writing about a patient stuck in isolation and to end up here, in a tent!

Out of 23 rooms, 14 were made into makeshift ISO-rooms! My panic rose as I have a thing about feeling ‘incarcerated’ inside a windowless cell!

The nurse wheeled me through a sterile room made in the hallway and through a second door into the anti chamber. I was asked to disrobe as she quickly left, closing the glass door and then the tent, locking me inside a recycled air chamber as everything was draped in plastic.

When the staff came back after vitals and blood, they were all dressed in suits with respirators around their face. Isolation barrier, face guard, gloves and any article of clothing wrapped in pale yellow cloth.

When you can’t breathe, feeling that the last breath is your last! Well, I was in an emotional wreck!

Since transitioning, my responses to how I feel have more heart and emotional response then my typical calculated responses I use to give! I never even realized this part has changed too until I got home!

With my port activated in my chest, IV’s, ECG lines, pulse oximeter and other leads...I was well immobilized. They allowed me to remove my face mask, as I was grateful!

Since COVID attacks the heart with ‘broken heart syndrome’, a ECG and Telly was ordered, followed with chest x-ray, metabolic panel and COVID screening. Magnesium IV, sodium chloride IV, methaprednisone IV, and duoneb was administered with the addition of morphine to slow down my breathing (which was a shock as I’ve been told over and over that morphine is a no-no for those with compromised lungs as it slows down the breathing).

Two hours into my treatment...the IV’s, nebs and morphine seemed to do the trick as my airways opened.

The doctor asked if I felt I needed to stay, or go home...and with the news that my blood panels looked normal, my lungs clear and sats normal...I decided that a minute longer here in the disease cesspool would only increase my first of infection.

So I elected to go home and tried sleeping...but guess what came back! That shortness of breath as my fever finally broke, but my sore throat amplified.

36 hours into being awake...I look forward to a good nights sleep! But probably not tonight.

Tomorrow is Sunday...and as my lungs tend to heal, I should see improvement tomorrow. If I am not at 70% tomorrow...I’ll return for another tuneup.

[beauty-grace-outer-space]

This is all going to sound stupid, but I feel like I should say it anyway. 

I’m really, really struggling right now. 

I’m not going to do anything drastic, but I will admit the thought has crossed my mind. 

I’m not entirely sure if it’s the time of year, or the last several weeks, or what it is exactly, but I feel overwhelmed and sick and incredibly down. If I’m being honest with myself, I have for a while. 

Christmas is what finally brought things to a head for me. My dad has caused no end of stress over the last several weeks. We had someone staying in our house for a few days, and I wasn’t sleeping well and felt the need to “entertain” which means I pushed myself to the limit trying to be funny and upbeat and “ready” at all times. It was a loud, stressful several days and I’m not recovering from it. 

But again, if I’m being honest, something has been building for a while. I dropped all my hobbies sometime in September. I haven’t been writing. I quit the Gaelic choir I joined to try to make up for the fact that I wasn’t participating in my other choir. I started telling people I was sick when they asked me to do things.

One friend told me that she and her husband wouldn’t really have time for the rest of the year for any “distractions”, and declined any invitation to do anything for months. Somewhere in there, my brain interpreted, “We don’t have time for you”, and I haven’t really spoken much to them since. 

Another friend messaged me to discuss her deleting facebook messenger, which is the only way we really talk these days, and I just instantly resigned myself to having no one to talk to. I sort of stopped reaching out to her, too. 

The few times I have, it takes hours if not days to get a response, so I’ve just... stopped talking to people about stuff. 

I’ve been socially isolating for months without really realizing it, and now people are expecting a lot of interaction and I feel so exhausted and overwhelmed and my self-esteem is just... shot. 

I didn’t go to the choir Christmas party (for all past and current members) because I couldn’t find an outfit that I felt made me look good, and the inner voice that kept saying “you know they don’t even actually want you there, right?” So I told them I was sick, and spent the evening lying in bed. 

A friend I’ve only seen once in the last year asked me to be a bridesmaid yesterday. It’s clear that I’m the tallest (and largest) in the wedding party by far. I made jokes about it all day and then went home and just cried and I didn’t even know why. 

In the midst of that upset, the friend who told me they don’t have time for distractions told me they’re going to start trying to have kids, and somehow the combination of the two events just started a jackhammer in my brain of negative self-talk... “what’s wrong with you that your friends are getting married and having kids and you can’t even get a date, god, forget a date, you can’t even keep a friend! And once they have a baby then they really won’t want to hang out with you.” 

I got in my car and drove a little just to be out of my house, and ended up in a parking lot crying for hours. Just sobbing and berating myself in a dark parking lot. I haven’t done that in many years. After several hours, I drove home, took a sleeping pill, and slept for 14 hours. I woke up crying and haven’t stopped. 

And I know none of this stuff is true. Deep down, I know that. But for a long time now I’ve felt that I truly don’t have any friends I can just... talk to. Not outside of this website. And that’s probably not healthy either. 

I can’t afford to move out. I don’t have any friends to spend time with in real life. I’ve felt overwhelmed by my hobbies and interests, and I’m truly just... dreading this upcoming year. With two weddings and my ten-year high school reunion coming up I just feel... a lot of shame. 

I spent the morning looking at flights to anywhere I could think of so I don’t have to be here for my parent’s New Year’s party. I could only think of one person to invite, and they said no. 

I’m just... very tired, and very sad. And the only human interaction I’ve had in days is both parents being frustrated that I’m not being “helpful enough” with whatever project they’ve decided to work on. 

I just want to sleep. Or be somewhere else. I don’t know. 

[asterinjapan]

The long and winding road

It’s been a long and winding road today, but oh, the views were so worth it!

Today, I took a bit of a trip further north on the Okinawa main island (I’m staying in Naha, the capital city in the south). Remember what I said yesterday, about not being able to resist visiting castles if they’re nearby? Yeah, so that also goes for castles that are less around the corner than Shuri, haha. Follow me under the link to Nakagusuku!

As it turns out, gusuku refers to castles or fortresses with stone walls on the Ryukyu islands (Okinawa island these days), so no points for guessing what Nakagusuku is. Or rather, was – the only castle currently still standing is the one I visited yesterday, as Shuri castle was reconstructed. Nakagusuku never was, but it’s one of the best preserved ruins, escaping most of the destruction of the Battle of Okinawa in which Shuri burnt down.

Anyway, first I needed to get there! Quite the trip, actually. First of all, I’d slept terribly, waking up every 2 hours for reasons I still can’t explain (I usually just sleep a long time when jetlagged). Although my head is right underneath the window, so maybe it was just outside noise that woke me up, who knows. Anyway, I woke up over breakfast and decided to try out for Nakagusuku anyway. I found a nearby bus stop and took the bus to the nearest bus stop from the Nakagusuku castle ruins – over 2 kilometers away. That doesn’t sound that bad until you learn that it’s all uphill, haha. Luckily, the steepest part was right at the beginning, and the sun was hiding behind the clouds over Nakagusuku today. A faint breeze was picking up, so in the end, the walk wasn’t as bad as it could have been.

Regardless, I was pretty thirsty once I made it to the entrance, having nearly emptied my bottle already. I grabbed a matcha latte (which I long for every day back in the Netherlands, haha) and caught my breath here, listening to music from the 60s – from America, pff. Hi there, Elvis songs! There’s actually quite some American presence on Okinawa due to the military base, and lots of aircrafts flew over here too.

 Armed with an extra bottle of water and my camera, I made my way up to the actual entrance. As it turns out, there are golf carts waiting for visitors, and you can hitch a ride to the top of the castle. It’s a dead end, so if you don’t take the cart, you end up walking the premises twice.

The cart ride was only 500 meters, so I didn’t expect to take super long walking the castle grounds, but I was underestimating my own castle fascination there, haha. Almost instantly, my breath was taken away at the top. There were already some marvelous views of the ocean from here, and I was impressed by how well the nearest wall was conserved. I hadn’t seen nothing yet at that point!

Via the main gate, you end up at the south enclosure with holy ground, containing several places of worship that are now partly reclaimed by nature. Moss covers the walls still standing, and with the grey clouds straight overhead and the occasional crow, I was getting Halloween vibes a little early, haha. But the sun was shining elsewhere, making for some spectacular ocean views in between the walls.

I’m actually not sure what I liked best; exploring the huge expanse of the castle or the gorgeous views. I had gotten caught behind a tour group, but they all but rushed through the next enclosures, which was incomprehensible, because who skips over a panoramic view of the ocean? Yeah, not me, that’s for sure. I stuck around for a good while, draining my first camera battery (luckily I always carry two) and just loving the sights here.

Nakagusuku is 160 meters above sea level and looks out over Nakagusuku Bay into the Pacific Ocean and the East China sea, with peninsulas in between. The first constructions of this castle took place in the late 14th century, and by the 1440s, the lord Gosamaru arrived and completed the castle into the six enclosures it still has today. Gosamaru was a war lord and castle builder, also responsible for Zakimi castle, and was supposed to defend the area from the lord Amawari from nearby Katsuren Castle. Alas, in 1458 Amawari overthrew him as yet, and my leaflet mentions 1458 as the year of death for Gosamaru. His tomb sits nearby.

As another fun aside, from the castle site, you can spot the ruins of what was once supposed to be a hotel back in the 1970s. Monks warned that they were constructing it on top of graves and sacred sites, but the builders didn’t listen. Until of course, so many accidents occurred that the construction workers refused to continue. And now those ruins just sit there, lurking in a corner when watching out from Nakagusuku castle…

 Told you I got a spooky feeling here, haha. Luckily it was still broad daylight, and I braved my fear of heights to climb the walls for the best views, be it with shivering legs. (It was allowed, by the way – not that that was easy to tell since there was almost no-one else here, but they had plates up where you were not supposed to climb.) This castle was also special for its well within castle walls, meaning water supplies, but I didn’t go down there as the road was slippery enough without rain and there were warning signs for snakes, so uhm, no thank you.

It really took quite a while, but after about 2 hours, I made it off the castle grounds and had indeed found my way back to the entrance.

I had a bite here and decided that it was only a little past one in the afternoon, so plenty of time to visit something else today. I opted for the Nakamura house nearby, which meant continuing on the road up that I’d already walked for 2 kilometers… Thankfully it is one long road, so it’s almost impossible to get lost, and signage is really good here.

(Which randomly reminds me, but Shuri castle was very good with that too, plus it was super accessible. It might be the only castle I’ve seen so far that was pretty much entirely wheelchair friendly, which is a bit of a sad truth, but it’s good to see they can do it. That as a complete aside.)

 So, Nakamura house! The history of that house actually ties to Nakagusuku castle, as the Nakamura ancestor Gashi served as teacher to lord Gosamaru above. With the downfall of the castle and its lord, the Nakamura family also suffered, but in the 1720s, tides turned and one of the members was asked to serve as a village headman here. It was around this time when the house was first constructed. Miraculously, it has survived until the present day, so it’s not a reconstruction! It survived the Battle of Okinawa, and the Fuguki trees shield it from typhoons.

As a house, it’s pretty big, as it belonged to an upper class farmer and thus even has a pig pen. As a tourist attraction, it’s pretty small, haha. But there’s an office attached which also serves as a souvenir shop, and a place to have some tea with traditional snacks, so that’s very nice! I ended up buying a strap with two shisaa, those lion-dogs I mentioned yesterday. They’re everywhere here in Okinawa, so I’m taking them with me, haha. They’re here too; one of them is on top of the roof, actually. It should drive away unwanted visitors.

Walking the premise, you’re allowed to enter all places (just take your shoes off inside) and they put up QR codes for extra information. And this time it was actually useful, since there’s Wi-fi here and I thus didn’t have to use up precious data to get the extra info. It’s in multiple languages, so that’s very helpful if you can’t read Japanese or are lazy like me and just want to quickly read the info, ssh.

Regardless, it was a shorter visit than to Nakagusuku, if only due to the sheer difference in size. The house also has a koi pond, which is nice, but it also attracts bugs, which is less nice. Luckily I brought my Japanese bug bite cream with me, because last time I tried, Dutch spray did exactly nothing against the itching. The cream still works though!

Be that as it may, it was around 2:30 now and I still had quite a stroll to go, so I left and traced back the long and winding road. Apparently there should be a bus stop a little closer to Nakamura house, but a) the nearest stop was further away from my hotel and b) I had yet to find it. So I just chose the one I knew for sure and waited for a bit for my bus.

Really, these buses here are so empty, I’m going to get spoiled before I move on to the mainland and get stuffed into trains again, haha. At least the trains are more punctual, I guess that’s the trade-off.

 Back at the hotel, I picked up a sweet potato tart since they’ve been advertising that with a very catchy song, and I must say it was quite a delicious snack. Finally, it was dinner time. I found a small establishment which served some Okinawan dishes – I meant to go for taco rice, but I saw they also served a dish with Okinawan fish, so I went with that instead. I just – don’t know what fish it was, but it sure was delicious!

 And now I’m back in my hotel room. I have several options for tomorrow, but to be honest, I have too many ideas for Okinawa to fit into this one week, so I’ll have to make some choices, hm. No more castles for now though! I mean, I could, but I want to get a slightly more nuanced idea of Okinawa, haha.

So that’s it for today, pictures will be up soon and see you tomorrow!

Apologies for the length, castles make me wordy…

[thewritewolf]

Marinette March Chapter 27: Dear Diary

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31

For an immortal, losing memories is a big deal. No wonder, then, that Tikki is so desperate to find out what happened during the events of Oblivio. 

@marinettemarch

Enjoy!

Read on Ao3

The bedroom was wreathed in darkness, only the soft glow of the city outside and the moon above providing just enough light to see the general layout of the room. A tiny eye peeked open, watched the gentle rise and fall of her chosen’s chest. Marinette was softly snoring, a good sign that she was out cold. Rising slowly from the pillow, Tikki left her chosen’s side and floated over to the desk.

Darkness may be an obstacle to human eyes, but even the meagre illumination this late at night was enough for kwami eyes to see clearly. Once clear of the bed, she went straight for the thing her chosen had called a ‘magic box,’ phasing through the material and unlocking it as she passed. Heaving the book inside with all her might, she opened it to the most recent page, covering the events of the day.

Tikki was thousands of years old and had made a great many memories - good and bad, she cherished them all. When she suddenly found she was unable to remember what had happened yesterday, it… disturbed her. Marinette had been oddly evasive about the akuma known as Oblivio. Maybe it was misplaced anger at Alya being directed towards her, or maybe Marinette hadn’t appreciated her comment about the picture. Either way, Tikki hadn’t gotten much out of her.

But Marinette told her diary everything. And while Tikki was loathe to do it, she needed honest answers. She began to read.

Dear Diary,

A lot happened today. Or, at least I think it did? Something had to have - one moment I was running into an elevator and the next I was being held by Chat Noir. If it had just been that, I might not have given it a second thought. We ARE pretty close after all, and maybe something had almost happened to us and one of us had gotten worried. But then Alya showed us the picture…

UGH! I can’t-

Tikki stopped reading and froze when she heard Marinette toss and turn in her bed. Before long, however, she let out a content sigh and Tikki relaxed. A smile found its way onto Tikki’s face - so it was one of those dreams, the ones were Adrien guest starred. She continued reading, sure that Marinette would tell her all about it in the morning.

UGH! I can’t believe she did that! It was a total invasion of our privacy. Just because we’re superheroes doesn’t mean she can post such an… intimate moment. But what worries me more is WHY was I doing it at all? What did he say or do that could possibly have made me forget about Adrien? It’s KILLING ME not to know.

And yet… somewhere in the back of my head… It felt… right? Like, if I don’t focus on the memory, I can almost remember, if that makes sense, but the moment I try, it vanishes.

Well… thats all for today, diary. Hopefully I’ll have more to report tomorrow after my patrol with Chat Noir.

Bleh. He’s going to be insufferable, I can already tell.

Tikki finished reading the entry and let out a sigh. Nothing new, but… if there was anyone who could break through the magic of the Miraculous Cure, it was Marinette. As much as she didn’t want to, she’d have to check tomorrow’s entry too. She returned to her spot next to Marinette’s head and drifted off to sleep.

-------------------------

Marinette landed face first on the bed, fumbling for the lamp as she did so. “G’night Tikki,” she slurred before immediately dozing off.

The kwami smiled tenderly at her charge and planted a feather light kiss on her forehead. “Goodnight, Marinette.”

Patrol hadn’t quite gone down as Marinette had predicted - Chat Noir had been off his game for almost the entire hour they roamed the city. Both of them had been. Tikki could sense Marinette’s clouded thoughts while she had been sustaining the Ladybug enchantment, the frustration and the tenderness everytime she caught sight of Chat Noir. Neither of them missed that Chat Noir had been watching her intently too, but not in his usual lovesick way. It was almost like he had been… searching for something.

Again, Tikki was eager to see what Marinette’s innermost thoughts on this were. She could feel the emotion but not the thoughts behind them. Had the passing of a day helped at all?

There was only one way to find out.

Dear Diary,

Today was different. First, I wasn’t stuttering around Adrien which, as you know, is majorly weird. I appreciate it, but I’m not an idiot - something had to have happened. But what? Does it have something to do with what happened yesterday? Today it just felt like… I could share anything and everything with him. That we understood each other. Like we’d been together forever.

And the weird thing is… he was acting the same way. It took us a couple minutes of banter before we realized what we were doing and then I was right back to square one.

Oh! One last thing. I had a dream last night. I was Ladybug again and he was there, but it wasn’t like the other times, this felt REAL like REALLY real, like it ACTUALLY happened. But I’ve never kissed Adrien before - especially not as Ladybug.

Right?

Tikki stared into space for a few more moments, grasping at the fragments of memory. She couldn’t remember anything exactly, but she could feel the emotion of that moment Marinette dreamt of. Love. Overpowering love.

Putting the book neatly away, Tikki took up her spot next to her chosen and slept the night away.

--------------------------

The following evening, Marinette ran upstairs and scrawled a brief entry in her diary before leaving as Ladybug, a single destination calling in her mind like a beacon. Tikki wouldn’t read that entry, but it sat there nonetheless, locked away in a magic box, away from prying human eyes:

Dear Diary,

I remembered everything.

[redefiningthirtysomething]

I’m only Human

Yesterday it was my Moms birthday and she had a little dinner celebration with close family and friends. I was so excited to go and finally have some time with my sister, mom and some of our family friends. We are a loud family and even though we aren’t’ many, we can sure throw a party. It was small, but very fun. Well, at least what I got to enjoy from it.

I think Olivia must have been tired, I am assuming she was because she was not a very happy baby last night, I might add that she already doesn’t vibe with my family, I don’t know why but she gets scared of my mom, her grandma … maybe we are too loud, I don’t know .. Whatever the case may be, she just absolutely cannot stand it. BUT she has no choice, she has to get used to it.  So, first off she wasn’t having being picked up by ANYONE other than myself or Bella and dad. So I brought down her walker, we keep one at my mom’s house for emergencies. She was in her walker for a good I’d say 20 minutes before she wanted out. I fed her some baby cookies and breast fed her, which is what she needed because she seemed to calm down after that. I took her upstairs to do a diaper change and outfit change since we were outside and it was kind of cooling down. When we returned to join the party, she was fussy and I knew she was getting tired, she rubs the back of her head when she’s sleepy and she was non-stop almost pulling her hair out. I fed her again as a comfort feed to help her fall asleep and then I walked her around the outside of my mom’s condo complex. SHE would NOT fall asleep. She was fighting it with every inch of her tiny little soul. The party moved inside since it was getting cold and that’s when the real party started happening, they turned up the salsa music and everyone was dancing, laughing and drinking. It was a fun night and everyone was having a great time. Well, everyone except for me.

Eli and I traded on and off, but she really only wanted me. The condo was stuffy because of all the dancing around and I was sweating. People kept trying to chat with me but I couldn’t hear them over the loud music and I didn’t want to yell. Bella was annoyed because she was the only kid and she was complaining about I don’t even know what, so she hung out in my mom’s bedroom and watched TV in there. She wanted to go home. Olivia finally fell asleep in my arms, music and all, so I had the great idea of taking her to my mom’s room and laying her down next to Bella. Bella will often help me with her so we can get a little break, by little it’s usually 5 min tops, lol but I asked her if she can watch her while she slept. She agreed as she was annoyed herself and was going to stay in the room anyway. I was excited she finally fell asleep and I could finally mingle with our friends and family. WELL, that did not go as planned. As soon as I walked into my mom’s room oh so very carefully and quietly, she woke up. She woke up and immediately knew my plan. She looked at my like hell no, lady. She started crying and wailing and just-not-having-it. I lay with her in bed and thought ok, I’ll comfort feed her and she’ll fall asleep; never happened. She wasn’t going to fall asleep. She would close her eyes and as soon as I detached, BOOM … she would start crying again and as soon as I stuck the nip in her mouth she was ok and happy, even smiling.

After about I’d say 20 minutes of trying and failing, and trying to sneak out and failing …. I just gave up. I picked her up and I gave Eli the Lets go Look. I was SO frustrated. I didn’t get a chance to celebrate with my mom, hang out with my sister, and talk to our friends and family… I was constantly just trying to keep the baby from crying. We got home and I was so over it. I laid the baby down, and I had to feed her so she can fall asleep. I had to be loving, soothing mom but inside I was annoyed and frustrated. I felt a knot in my throat like I wanted to cry, maybe out of frustration or maybe out of exhaustion. I had to also wake up early because I worked the next day, I had been working 14 days straight without rest all while still doing my night feeds. I wanted to have some adult time, even if it was just a little bit, but no. I haven’t had a date night in 8 months. It’s been hard, and I know I’m venting. I love my baby girl and I do understand that when you become a parent things change. I have a 9 year old, but she was very different. She was easy. She went with my mom, she slept at parties, and she was so chill. My little Olivia, she’s sweet and happy, but she doesn’t trust easily and that’s ok, I love her for who she is. But, all I wanted was just a little me time, to let loose and laugh and maybe dance a little. I was literally in a corner, bundled up breastfeeding, still in my work clothes and sweating, basically whispering underneath the loud music. I couldn’t NOT go; it’s my MOM’s birthday.

I don’t know if she will grow out of this. I hope she does, but if she doesn’t? I don’t even know how to discipline a baby of this age if I am being completely honest. We tried not picking her up and letting her cry in her crib for 1 minute. When we did finally pick her but she was so mad she cried for 2 hours after that, even while holding her and trying to soothe her, she was mad crying, I am not even kidding. She was pissed! I guess we will just have to take it day by day and try not to lose my shit. I swear I love this mom gig, I always wanted to be a mom, but I feel like my patience and my sanity are being tested. I am exhausted.

I am only human.

[my-autistic-things]

Top Surgery Post Op

Hey guys so this post is old and the original bit is under the keep reading.  I wanted to keep a record for myself mainly, but oh well!  Today is 9-5-18. As a quick update because I didn’t give any other updates since forever ago: 

-I’m still numb

-I still have swelling

-I still wear my binder, but it’s not uncomfortable anymore because there's nothing to smoosh

-My doctor said that I don’t have to wear my binder, but since there is still swelling it would be beneficial if I could continue to wear it

-I don’t wear my binder at night/at home, but when I go out I still always wear my binder just because I feel more comfortable with it on

--I feel better with my binder because 1, pressure stim! 2, I’m not flat.  While I look the same as any other chubby cis guy, I’m still uncomfortable and it will take a really long time for me to get to where I am comfortable to just wear a shirt

-My incision sites have healed to just a little dark pink lines (~1/2 inch) and the drainage tube holes have healed also to dark pink dots (honestly they are way more noticeable than the actual incisions)

Ok that's it!  I might remember to make another update, but probably not for a while.  Below is my recovery from day 0 if anyone is interested.

I wanted to make a super extensive post, but, I didn't. Now I'm going to summarize the key points if my recovery bc I still really want to keep record of it and share a timeline of when things happen.

If you're interested in my top surgery story illustrating the whole day of surgery, here is that post!

Day 0; Thursday, day of surgery:

When I came home from the hospital I just slept. My mom woke me up to take my meds (prescription pain killer and antibiotics) and then I went right back to sleep. I couldn't roll on to my side so sleeping was pretty miserable but I pulled up pillows so I was half sitting up which helped me get comfortable. The drains were super annoying and I was trying to be super careful with my chest, but, I was fine.

Day 1; Friday:

I have no idea what time I woke up or what time I took my naps, but I basically lived off of naps (I didn't sleep longer than 4 ish hours at a time). I didn't have overwhelming pain, but I definitely has surgery. I was nervous when draining the tubes of my drains bc you have to squeese out the tubes. I was scared that I was going to just pull the whole thing out. But I didn't! I think I pulled it a little once on Sunday, but they are about 1 1/2 inches in so it didnt come out at all.

I had my first post op scheduled doctor appointment at 11:00am. I recorded my drainage amount only that first day, then my doctor said I didn't have to again. Just make sure to drain them the night before my next appointment so he can see the amount when I come in to take out the tubes.

That was my first time I got to see my chest post op. Honestly, I looked exactly the same except bruised. There was SO MUCH SWELLING that I had about the same, if not even a little more boob. My doctor assured me that on the table I was completely flat and that everything was just swollen.

I was also cleared to shower! One day post op, and I could shower!

Day 2-4; Saturday-Monday:

I was draining such a small I was so happy. I didn't need to worry about dumping the drains every 12 hours exactly and actually only did it maybe once a day.

The Vicodin pain meds, I figured out, don't work at all on me. I ended up taking the oxycodone I was prescribed by the hospital instead of the Vicodin my doctor prescribed (there was a mix up and I got 2 meds for one surgery). Still, though, the oxy didn't help that much. I mainly was taking it because it made me high to forget the pain/ache and help me just sleep my way through my recovery. I still wasn't even taking it every 4 hours like I could have. Maybe like twice a day, 3 times at the most.

I showered once on Sunday because I felt like I should. I tied a string around my neck and clipped the drains to that so they wouldn't be hanging. It was weird and awkward to shower, but completely doable and having a break from the binder made my pain decrease.

Day 5; Tuesday:

I had my second post-op appointment. I think my drains drained like 1cc of fulid each side at the most. It was so minimal and I was so proud of myself haha. My doctor took the tubes out that day and I FINALLY felt like I was healing. I felt so free oh my God it was one of the most freeing experiences of my life!

Taking the tubes out didn't hurt a single bit. Like at all. I felt 0 pain whatsoever. Again, the tubes we're about 1 1/2 inches in, and there was one stich holding them in place. I was 100% numb around my chest for the most part so I barely felt my doctor's hands as he took the tube out. I heard people say getting the drains removed are sooooo painful, but idk their type of surgery and such so maybe only with lyposuction it doesn't hurt because it kills your nerves for a while?

Day 6-7; Wednesday and Thursday;

I felt so much more comfortable without the drains on. I could move so much more freely and almost all my sharp pain went away and only the dull (ish) ache of feeling like I'd been lyposuction was left. I stopped all the oxy on Wednesday, and only had some ibruprophen Wednesday and Thursday night. After that I was pain med free.

I had a gauze bandage over the drains and I didn't want to deal with changing it so I didn't shower (from Sunday) until Thursday afternoon. I felt like I should do my doctor a favor and showever before my Friday appointment. I showered, then changed my bandage into a bandaid because the holes werent draining anymore, just open.

The hospital medical surgery tape put iver my actual incision looked like it was coming off a bit in the shower and I was worried about that, but I left it alone and let it dry good and it still stuck on like it was never wet.

When I took of my shirt to take off my binder to take a shower. Oh my God! I glanced down slightly and this GIANT purple thing caught my eye. I still had my binder on so I didn't think it could have possibly been a bruise, but it was! It was around my hip (gravity sucked stuff down there) and it was about as big as my hand. With my hand over it, it was about 1/2 an inch shorter than my hand and a little bit wider. It was huge. Purple. And quite impressive. It didn't hurt at all, though, because it was just pooled old blood that was dragged down there instead of actually the place I was hurt.

Day 7; Friday:

I went to my doctor's appointment not knowing what was going to happen next. The drains were out and I didn't think I had stiches in my incision (bc of the tape) so I didn't really know what to expect.

Apparently I did have one stich in my incision, and the tape plus the stich was taken out. I was told not even to put a bandaid on and to take the bandaid off of the drain holes too.

The tape comming off hurt to be completly honest. I'm a baby when it comes to taking off baindaids and tape. I was 90% numb in that area, but it still had that feeling of pulling off sticky stuff like I was ripping my skin off. The stich came out with 0 pain. I was so surprised how thin the thread was. It looked thinner than sewing thread and it was blue which was cute. I finally got to see how big my actual incision was, and it was about 1 inch.

Day 8-13; Saturday to Thursday:

Idk, man, there's not much to say. I'm sure if I did this post and updated day by day I'd have stuff to say, but I don't. I have a fractured/severely bruised rib from the binder being so tight. Well, it's not exactly the binder, but the binder band. It hurts a lot, but I can't do anything about it anyways.

My giant bruise is getting lighter every day and everything is just healing and improving every day.

Day 14; Friday:

That's today! Well, same as the past week. Every day there's less pain and more movement ability. I didnt have much of a limitation of movement even one day post op, but I can still feel a difference. I can comfortably raise my arms above my head now and I was able to bend over to pick stuff up without much chest pain (I got joint and muscle pain anyways so it hurts, but not specifically because of top surgery lol)

I put on my old binder yesterday because the hospital one seems so loose and oh my God! How did I survive?!?! It's so tight! Even 2 weeks post op I'm shocked with how tight of a thing I wore semi comfortably before. To be fair, it was my tighter binder, but it was still not too much tighter than my normal everyday one.

I feel not compressed in my chest and Im worried that the binder isn't squishing my chest down enough. I need to keep my chest flat and squished so when it heals everything will be flat so my skin will shrink down flat instead of being baggy and like empty boobs.

~~~~~~~~

I'll try to keep this updated especially after my next appointment on Tuesday and then when I don't have to wear the binder anymore (in 2 weeks). Plus, if anything exciting happens of course I'll add that! I'll probably edit the post and reblog it so it's all together in one piece so if you see this post reblogged its been updated under the keep reading. Lies lol

[spiffysixxsense]

hi yes helllo, i am here to fulfill my annoying bestfriend obligation and make you answer all of the nosy asks

1: The last person you kissed screams they love you, you say…

I love you too! Also why are you screaming?

2: Did you get to sleep in today?

technically, yes. I have class on Tuesdays at 11, which is later than either of my jobs start. But Wednesday’s are usually my one day off so tomorrow Im SLEEEEPINGGGG

3: You never know what you got until you lose it?

Not a question, but yes I agree.

4: Do you have siblings?

Nope, just me myself and I. 

5: How many kids do you want?

I go back and forth between saying having kids sounds awful, and saying I want to create a stable family life for myself and children. On a children kinda day, I would say at most 3, most likely 2. 

6: Who was the last person you held hands with?

Alex (here we go with the every answer is about @reddragon8000)

7: Did you stand on your tippy-toes for your last kiss?

Well, my boyfriend is 9 inches taller than me, however if he looks down and I look up I don’t HAVE to go on my toes. So to answer the question, I think no.

8: Do you think if you died, the last person you kissed would care?

I hope he would?

9: Last person to talk on the phone?

My Grandpa :)

10: Did anyone watch you the last time you kissed someone?

No, it was at my door as he left my apartment. 

11: When’s your birthday?

May 7th

12: Remember the first time you kissed the last person you kissed?

Yes, it was 2 years and 5 days ago♥

13: What kind of phone do you have?

Samsung Galaxy 8

14: Are you wearing jeans, shorts, sweatpants, or pajama pants?

I am wearing jean high waisted shorts

15: Are you a different person now than you were 5 years ago?

Yes and no to be honest. I feel like 5 years ago I imagined being much farther in life than I currently am. Meaning I’m not as different as I hoped I would be. 

16: What were you doing at 4 am?

Actually, sleeping for once.

17: Would you rather write a paper or give a speech?

When I give a speech, I just essentially write a paper and then memorize it. So I would choose paper just to eliminate some steps.

18: Are you lying to yourself about something?

Answered 

19: Last night you felt…?

Stressed about the presentation I had to give today.

20: What’s something you cannot wait for?

To graduate? I guess? Even that I’m scared for too though.

21: Ever told your parents you were going somewhere but when somewhere different?

I honestly don’t think so. I have just not told them where I’m going, and not even because it was “bad”, but because they didn’t ask. 

22: How many hours of sleep did you get last night?

about 5. 

23: Are you a morning or night person?

Buddy I am barely even a person. (I am SUCH a night person though.)

24: What did you get your last bruise from?

Diving in the grass playing volleyball.

25: Do you reply to all of your texts?

Yes. (except the bot texts I get about congress lol)

26: Your phone is ringing. It’s the person you fell hardest for. What do you do?

 I answer it slightly worried because he never calls me out of the blue, but happy to answer it. 

27: Did your last kiss take place in/on a bed?

No, a doorway

28: Anyone you would like to get things straight with?

My ex, probably. 

29: How many months until your birthday?

10 lol

30: Favorite thing to eat with peanut butter?

Apples

31: Did you like this past summer?

It was fine, so sure. 

32: What were you doing before you got on the computer?

laying in bed on my phone.

33: Your ex is sitting next to you, with their new partner. What do you do?

Tell her to run. Or just leave because thats still awkward af. 

34: What is the last thing you said out loud?

“Not recently, Ill take care of him“

35: Your mood summed into one word?

Broken? Like mentally over it?

36: Are you doing anything else besides taking this survey?

Listening/split screen watching to ASMR

37: What are your initials?

GLT

38: Are you a happy person?

Externally , yes. Internally, no. 

39: Do you still talk to the person you liked 4 months ago?

Yes, I have been dating the person I like for 2 years. lol

40: Where do you want to live when your older?

I have never really thought about it because I never planned to live that long. Staying in Michigan is honestly fine with me.

41: Have you had your birthday this year?

Yes, 2 months ago.

42: What did you do yesterday?

Went to my internship in Downtown Detroit. Got Qdoba with my mom.

43: What will you be doing tomorrow?

SLEEEEPING

44: How late did you stay up last night?

About 3 am

45: Is there anyone you would do anything for?

Yes.

46: Is it hard to make you laugh?

Depends on the moment. Sometimes nothing makes me laugh and other times someone can say pudding and ill crack up.

47: Do you believe ex’s can be just friends?

No. You can claim youre friends, but it is never the same afterwards. 

48: Do you think any of your exes will eventually want to be with you again?

Answered

49: How many people have you had feelings for in the year of 2012?

Well I got with my ex of 4 years in august of 2012, so at least one. 

50: Do you wish your ex was dead?

I guess not.

51: Have you ever dyed your hair?

Only once, and it was only the bottom half of my hair.

52: Would ever take back someone that cheated?

No, the stress, worry, and insecurity would never go away.

53: Was New Year’s Even enjoyable?

No, I was sick as hell. 

54: Bet you’re missing someone right now?

I mean I kinda always miss Alex when I don’t see him all day. Lame, I know. 

55: How would your parents react if you got a tattoo?

Recommend how to take care of it, probably. 

56: Sleep on your back or stomach?

Stomach.

57: If you could move away, no questions asked, where would it be ?

maybe the Upper Peninsula of Michigan? always seems cute and quaint up there.

58: What would you change about your life right now?

My family relationships, my anxiety.

59: Has anything upset you in the past week?

Well my boyfriend and I got a flat tire on vacation a week ago? lol

60: Are you on the phone?

No, I never am actually talking on the phone. 

61: Today, would you rather go forward a week or back?

Forward.

62: Would you take $40,000 or a brand new car?

40k, could help pay for a car but this way I still have options. 

63: Have you ever talked to someone when they were high?

Yes, when youre sober it is pretty hilarious. 

64: Ever cried while you were on the phone with someone?

Once.

65: Have you ever copied someone elses homework?

I can’t think of a specific time, but Im SURE i have.

66: Are you the type of person who likes to be out or at home?

AT HOME. my favorite days are the ones where i never have to leave. 

67: Do you automatically check your phone when you wake up?

yes.

68: Have you ever stayed up all night on the phone?

I think so.

69: Could you use some sleep right now?

At this very moment i took a 2 hour nap a while ago, so im okay. 

70: Are you going to have a baby by the time you’re 18?

Given I am 22 with no kids, I am gonna say no.

71: Does it bother you when someone hides things from you?

Of course? doesnt it bother everybody?

72: What’s your favorite color?

like dark teal, blue/green.

73: Have you ever slept in the same room with someone you liked?

Yes. Sometimes without AC so as far away as possible while in the same bed lol. 

74: Have you ever been looking for something and it was already in your hand?

Yes, anytime I am on the phone for some reason I am always looking for my phone. 

75: Do you get annoyed easily?

Y E S S S S S

76: If someone liked you, would you want them to tell you?

Sure, even though I am taken, it would still be a little flattering. 

77: Do you have a person of the opposite sex that you can tell everything to?

Yes, although I tend not to tell anybody everything. 

78: Does anyone call you babe?

Alex does

79: How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust?

1. 2 including my dad. 

80: What do you prefer, relationship or one night stand?

Relationship, but if you wanna one night stand then go ahead. 

81: What color hoodie did you wear last?

Black

82: Is there someone who meant alot to you at one point, and isn’t around anymore?

Yes, both in the not in my life anymore and not on this Earth anymore. 

[sussensecret]

⋆✺jungkook fic recs✺⋆

smut:  ♡           fluff: ☼          angst:   ☆

a list of our favorite jungkook fan fics. enjoy !

masterlist of all masterlist

Heart of the City - jungkxook  ♡ ☼ (DOESNT WORK) Spiderman!Jungkook  Summary: The responsibility that comes with putting on the red mask each night is followed by even greater risks for the people Jungkook is around. Telling you the truth could only end in one way but how long can he go before you figure out his little secret?

Irresistibile - jungkxook  ♡ ☼ (IT WORKS!!!!!!!!!!) College au Summary: The start of your freshman year of college, you have the utmost unlikely of tragedies to both meet Jeon Jungkook and fall into a deep, utterly helpless, and tenacious hatred for him.

Melomaniac -  jungkxook  ♡ (DOESNT WORK) Punk!Jungkook but also Prep!Jungkook Summary: “Your mother had always warned you about boys in ripped jeans and messy hair but she never warned you about boys like Jeon Jungkook.”

Hiraeth - jungkxook ☆ ♡ | 14 part series (DOESNT WORK) Zombie apocalypse au Summary: A world full of dwindling hope and lost loves and yet you and Jungkook are all the other needs to feel at home.

Just for Tonight - jungkxook  ♡ ☼ (IT WORKS!!!!!!!!!!) Summary: Jungkook plans on getting into the annual secret underground party for his birthday and you can’t help but tag along.

Exchanges -  workoftheaguk  ♡ ☼ Spiderman!Jungkook Summary: In which Jeon Jungkook is that friendly neighborhood superhero, you’re the face in the hallway that saved his high school career, and he can’t ever seem to get a grip around you. Even when he makes you scream after a fated accident—not for the reason you may be thinking; get the thought out of your head! 

After care - jungblue  ♡ Slytherin!Jungkook Summary: When Jungkook gets hurt during a quidditch game, and you want to give him a little extra attention afterwards.

Proposals - pjxmin ♡☼☆ Friends to lovers au Summary: You and Jeongguk propose at restaurants to get free food, but somewhere along the way you start to fall for him

In Bloom - tayegi ♡ Werewolf!jungkook

Roommates - tayegi  ♡☼☆  |  3 part series Roommate!jungkook

Zipper - jiminniemouse ♡ Bestfriend au Summary: Your best friend thinks it’s a good idea to watch porn together, he’s dumb.

Accio - minsvga ♡☼ Harry Potter au Summary: A food fight broke out in the middle of dinner one night. And, needless to say, being Prefects, you and Jeon Jungkook stepped up and stopped the fight - but also found yourselves covered in dungbomb residue and food afterwards. Also, there was an issue. There was only one Prefects’ bathroom…

Try-Hard - hobibliophile ♡ ☼ |  2 part series Rugby!Jungkook Summary: Yoongi asks you to help him photograph the university rugby team, and you’re reluctant until you see Jeon Jungkook in uniform. Damn.

Lock the Door - monstaccato ♡ Summary: In hindsight, maybe you weren’t that sorry for not locking the door.

Jasmine - btssmutgalore ♡

Winner Takes All - parkjammins ♡☼☆ Volleyball!Jungkook Summary: Jeon Jungkook chooses volleyball out of all the sports only because he loves flying in the air and making it impossible for his opponents to bring back up the ball with his power spike (and maybe it’s because he also wants to get inside your pants).

New Rules - tayegi ♡☼☆ | 9 part series on going Fratboy!Jungkook Summary: there isn’t a summary, BUT THIS IS HONESTLY MY FAVORITE FIC EVER  

Blue Orchirds - inktae ☆☼ Hanahaki & soulmate au

Givenchy & Gold - promixity ♡ | 2 part series Summary: you’re the supervisor of the clothing department with a lot of useless lingerie knowledge, jungkook is the jewelry department’s defiant hot boy who flirts in wristwatch brands. basically an upscale retail au, but with lots of implied under-the-counter sex. and when an opportunity presents itself to fuck each other in the boss’s office after hours, you’re both too hot for each other to say no.

Fall For You - kimvtae ♡ | 3 part series College au Summary: You hate a lot of things about Jeon Jungkook; you hate his arrogance, his reputation, and his pet name for you to name a few. But most of all, you hate how right it feels for you to fall into his arms, and how easy it is to fall for him.

Stuffed Pumpkin - floralseokjin ♡☼ Summary: Hooking up with the guy you’re neutral towards isn’t how you expected your night to go, especially dressed as a pumpkin…

Playing with Fire - floralseokjin ♡ Summary: jungkook seems to have a little crush on you, and no matter how much you try to ignore it, you seem to be losing your resolve with each passing day…

Sketch - moonscriptx ♡☼ Summary: After sixteen years of dreaming about the same unknown beautiful girl, Jungkook finally gets to put a name to her face – and she’s so much more than what he’s dreamt of.

The Wedding Planners - gukyi  ☼ Enemies to lover!au, wedding!au Summary: jeon jungkook is three things: cocky, terrible, and your worst enemy. then your best friend hoseok gets engaged to the love of his life, and suddenly jeon jungkook is four things: cocky, terrible, your worst enemy, and the man you will be spending the next seven months with in order to plan your best friend’s wedding.

Break The Ice - mint-tape ♡☼☆ Hockeyplayer!Jungkook, Hockeyplayer!Jimin Summary: There are three rules to become an official Puck Bunny: 1.     You have to love hockey. No exceptions. 2.     You have to had slept with at least three hockey players. Starters, no benchwarmers. 3.     And most importantly, have fun! 

Morning Rush - atdawnsuga ♡ College au Summary: You develop a strange relationship with the boy you share your morning commute with.  

Two Rotten Apples - chickenkooks ♡☆  | 4 part series on going Summary: we’re next-door neighbors and have hated each other since middle school but now we’re going to the same university how can we avoid the other person like the plague so there isn’t a crime scene— what do you mean you promised my mom you would keep an eye on me???? you fucking planned this

Not So Honest - wonhopes ♡ Roommate au Summary: Jungkook has got a pretty big problem, and he desperately asks you for your help.

I Think We Need To Talk - freehoseoksdick ♡☼ Summary: “i think we need to talk.” + “friends don’t get each other off”

Just Friends - kinkjungkook ♡☼☆ Best Friends au Summary: Jeon Jungkook was many things. He was an asshole, a tease, and kind of an inconsiderate roommate. But most of all, he’s your best friend, and has been since you were 10. When he suddenly confesses his attraction to you and proposes sleeping together, you are smart enough to turn him down. You knew Jungkook; you knew how he moved from one girl to the next. You, too, were many things, but just another notch in Jungkook’s belt was something you’d never be.

Amour Chassé Croisé - jungnoir ☆☼ Ladybug au Summary:  by day, you’re just a normal teenager in love with a popular model that goes to your school, jeon jungkook. but by night? you protect the city of paris under the alias ladybug, assisted by the ever elusive, ever anonymous, and ever so flirtatious, chat noir. you’ve always wondered who chat noir really is under the mask, but he may just be closer than you think.

Take What’s Yours (And Stay) - kidguk ♡☼☆ Summary: Friends to lovers to strangers is how it usually goes, but you and Jeon Jungkook have revisited each of those steps a few too many times over the past five years (aka the Jungkook college au with mutual pining, high school flashbacks, friends to lovers?, strangers to lovers?, who even knows?, and many shy & awkward moments that nobody asked for - enjoy).

Doxology - jeonjagiya ♡ Summary: You and a fellow churchgoer spend Easter Sunday sinning and sharing a secret. THIS WAS SO HOT AND WILD WHAT THE FUCK

The Nudist and The Prudist - gxtsmxt ♡ Summary: ❛❛ i saw you naked on your porch but jesus christ is my friend so i was hoping i would never see you again but here you are go away hot person❜❜ AU

Wildflowers - fireheart-namjoon ♡☼ Faerie au Summary: He’s gentle, each touch lingering as if he’s mapping each curve and dip of your body to memory. You lock your arms around his shoulders and slot your mouth against his, the press of his lips soft and warm. The kisses are slow, a languid glide that steals your breath gradually until your lungs ache with the need for air and your mind is fuzzy with desire.

Vaunt - yminie ♡ fratboy!jungkook Summary: Every weekend Beta Tau throws a ‘little’ party to help students relax and let loose and frat resident Jungkook has a big mouth that talks a lot of big game. You finally get sick of the lack of relaxation on your end and set out to see if he’s all talk. 

Gold Rush - nochugguk ♡☼ trackrunner!jungkook also a college au Summary: freshman Jungkook comes to you with an injured shoulder and a very concerning proposal

Secrets of silk - nochugguk ♡ ☆ ☼ | 3 part series camboy!jungkook also a college au Summary: when a dreamy camboy turns up at your university wearing bruises of yesterday, your guilty indulgence manifests into a racy obsession.

Blue isn’t for you - kidguk ♡☼ fratboy!jungkook Summary: Jeon Jungkook is the epitome of ‘new’ for you and, without a doubt, the strangest frat boy you’ve ever met.

Banter - littlemisskookie ♡ ☆ ☼ Superhero!Jungkook, Supervillain!Reader, also roommate au Summary: Ironically, some of your best moments are with your archnemesis, the man who you literally fight every other day. But the two of you might be closer than you originally thought.

The Devil’s Change Up - jungblue ♡☼ College au, baseball au Summary: Majoring in athletic training means you have mandatory observation hours to perform with every single sports team at your school throughout the year, and so far it’s been going pretty great. However, when regrets from your past cause your rotation with the baseball team to become a little rocky, there’s one star pitcher who says that he can make it all better.

Sugar-Coated - guksheart  ♡☼ Bakery au, neighbor au Summary: jeon jungkook, aspiring singer, works at a bakery with nothing but cupcakes and satisfied customers to occupy his time. one day, his next-door neighbor strolls into the shop with tears in her eyes, and his heart cannot help but worry why

The Underwear Thief - gukyi ♡☼ Neighbors au Summary: Jeon Jungkook would like to make one thing very clear:  it’s not his fault. Like every imperfect, morally flawed human being, Jeon Jungkook doesn’t like admitting things that are his fault are his fault. It’s in human nature to find some other explanation, point at a scapegoat that doesn’t have your name stamped anywhere near it. Like when he blames the fact that he missed the online quiz that was due at midnight on how he didn’t expect for the new episode of Orange is the New Black to be that long, even though they’re all practically the same length and he just has poor time management skills. Or when he accidentally takes the last of the soda in Jimin’s fridge and then proceeds to call Taehyung out for it so as to avoid the Park Wrath. Or when he shatters his phone screen and blames it on his faulty coat pockets rather than his carelessness, or when the knob for the cold water in the kitchen sink breaks off as a result of “poor plumbing” rather than his inability to control his random bouts of strength. Jungkook doesn’t like taking blame. But he swears, this time, it’s really not his fault.

Euphoria - 94hixtape ♡☼ ft jimiiiiiinnnnn, college au  Summary: there isnt one, but a niceeeeee threesome for yall

Set On You - bymoonchild ♡☼ college au, volleyball au Summary: Sports has never been your thing, so when you find yourself in a sports hall that reeks of perspiration and cologne and in front of a group of volleyball players whom you’re supposed to be managing (heck, you can’t even manage your own life), you know that you’re in Deep Shit™. Especially when Jeon Jungkook, the golden setter of the team aka the boy who holds stars in his eyes, starts to occupy your reveries, slowly becoming both the quiet and pandemonium of your heart.  

we will be adding more to this list, as time goes by !