#being fat in a gym is just such a feeling
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Soap x reader x Ghost
( or just Johnny with anyone) he has oral fixation. Doesn't matter it's a cunt oflr a cock, tit or peck, fingers? Anything he can in anytime anywhere.
He might be sucking on his hoodie string if he's out of gums and idle, but in sex? He gets his partner(s) marked with hickeys and bites.
He's the one randomly biting his partner(s) during the day
if I could reach through the screen and kiss your cheek I would jesus christ
CW: Fem!Reader, Johnny has an oral fixation<3, ambiguous on the relationship dynamic - up to your interpretation, no condom, wrap it before you tap it, Johnny x Reader x Simon
Johnny likes to keep his mouth busy - when he isn’t talking he’s got something between his lips. I feel like Johnny was a notorious nail biter growing up. his mother definitely tried to make him stop but eventually gave up because he just kept doing it. he doesn’t bite his nails as much as an adult, but every once in a while he’ll chew and bite off the edge of his nails
Johnny has a thing for wearing hoodies. they’re big, warm, comfortable, and the laces for the hood are nice to chew on. he tends to wear black ones to the gym so you can’t tell the laces are coated in spit and drool as easily. he’s definitely borrowed a hoodie from Simon briefly only to return it with spit soaked laces. Simon didn’t even bat an eye, just shrugged it off and put it on. sometimes Simon gets a hoodie back and the sleeve cuffs have been chewed and slobbered on, but that never deters him from lending Johnny his clothes
Johnny will absentmindedly suck on your fingers while you’re lounging. when you’re cuddled together his mouth is latching onto you, anything his mouth can reach. he doesn’t even notice, eyes glued to tv as he uses your index and middle fingers as a pacifier, gently sucking on them and coating them in his warm saliva. he’s so comfortable against you when he does it, eyes half lidded and body limp - he doesn’t even register how he’s got your fingers down to the knuckle resting on his tongue
Simon’s neck is littered with hickeys, easily hidden behind his balaclava. Johnny can’t help himself, tucked against Simon’s side as he mouths at his throat. it’s nice, Simon’s got his arms around his waist - a nice, secure hold. his brain gets to turn off while he dumbly sucks on his skin, red marks blooming against Simon’s neck and shoulders. it soothes Johnny, lets his mind go somewhere else while he sucks another hickey against Simon’s neck, shifting closer with a small whine caught in his throat
Johnny’s mouth is all yours to use, he’s begged for you to use it before. sometimes sucking and gnawing on items and clothes isn’t enough for him, he needs you. you can’t be upset with Johnny, not when he’s buried his head between your legs, lazily sucking on your clit. he’s solely focused on working his mouth, not aware of his stiff cock straining against his pants. he’s got your hips pushed down, ready to eat you out until he’s done. deaf to your whines and pleas, he’s moaning against your cunt as his eyes flutter shut
Johnny who’s kneeling on the floor, idly sucking on Simon’s fat cock. he’s got a rugby match on the tv, one hand in Johnny’s hair, the other cradling a beer bottle. Johnny’s more than content where he is, nose to Simon’s pelvis, jaw slack as he breathes out through his nose. the weight of his cock on Johnny’s tongue is so good, and Simon’s being nice - hips still and petting him, rough hand gently scratching at his scalp. Simon only thrusts a little when Johnny starts to nod off, eyes drooping shut and drool trailing down his chin
Johnny’s favorite thing? having to sit still, whining as he watches Simon mercilessly fuck you. Simon told him to be good, gave him two commands. “Open.”, Johnny was so eager to begin with, thought Simon was going to fuck his face, turn his brain to mush. he was wrong, but equally excited when Simon guided a dildo into his mouth, “Suck, Johnny.”. his heartbeat was rapid, ringing in his ears, whining as he did what he was told. Simon murmured a quick ‘good boy’, leaving Johnny to watch as he filled you. maybe it was mean, but it was doing something to the poor man, especially when he saw a trickle of white bead out of your slit
Simon knew what he was doing, had a plan going into this. watching you writhe beneath him, head dipping down to mark your neck up - leaving his own hickeys to match Johnny’s. he knows Johnny’s watching, the way his cock stretches you out, bullies it’s way in and out of you. absolutely filthy, his hips stuttering before he’s spilling into you. just a couple times, he forces his hips to buck again, fucking his cum into you, warmth spreading in your tummy as you cry out. Simon can hear the wet sucking behind him, doesn’t have to look to know Johnny has that dildo down his throat, eyes glossy and chin slick
Simon’s nice, lazily pulls out of you after his third orgasm. despite his exhaustion, the overstimulation he feels, he gets up. Johnny can’t help but whine when Simon slowly pulls the dildo from his mouth, teary eyes looking up at the Brit. his desperation is sated though, excitement coursing through his veins as Simon gently grabs his chin. “Good mutt.”, voice hoarse, Simon smiles down at him, “Go clean your toy up, yeah?”. Simon takes Johnny’s place, sitting down. dark brown eyes watching as Johnny settles between your legs, head dipping down to lap at your cunt as you hiccup
#so I saw the vision…#erm#ghoap to soothe the soul#ghoap#ghost#simon ghost riley#simon riley#ghost cod#ghost call of duty#ghost headcanons#ghost x you#ghost x reader#simon riley x you#simon riley x reader#soap#john soap mactavish#john mactavish#soap cod#soap call of duty#soap headcanons#soap x reader#soap x you#john mactavish x you#john mactavish x reader#cod smut#cod#cod thoughts#call of duty#hit post
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Little Tease
Dark!Logan x Fem!reader
Main Masterlist : Logan Masterlist
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Summary: Logan is trying to train you, but you keep teasing him. It's not his fault, really.
Warnings: Dub con but reader is secrtly into it. logan in a position of authority but to be clear, this is NOT student reader, or teenager reader at the school. This is a short fic so we're not getting into a backtory but that is NOT what this is.
Based on this ask.
More apoligetic non con? Read this series!
Divider by @coolcatsgraphics
1000 follower fundraiser game!
You were doing this on purpose.
Itty bitty shorts. Tight sports bra. Just you and him on the sparing matt and fuck, you looked delicious as sweaty and heaving.
Logan was the gym teacher, but that's not why he was here with you. He didn't spar with students, especially not while shirtless. Students had appropriate gym uniforms. Student's didn't dress like whores tempting him to pounce.
But you were. You wanted him. He saw it in the way you smirked at him when he looked at your tits. He felt it in the way you wiggled your butt when he took you down. He smelled it. Ohhhh he smelled it. The wetness between your legs whenever you and him tousled.
The premise of the rendezvous began innocently enough. You were a mutant, but not one with any powers that could protect you. You weren't like Jean, Remy, Hank, or him.... instead, you were empathic, able to make people feel what you felt and vice versa. This was something that put a target on your back, but you had no ability to protect yourself.
So, you asked Logan to help you, to train you in at least basic self defense so that those who would hurt you for being a mutant wouldn't have an easy time, and you didn't have to simply depend on the protection of others.
and it was torcher. How was he expected tp go about him day after feel your skin, your body under him, your sweet smell... he left rock hard every day.
Until today, when he flipped you around and swept your leg, he landed on top of you. he didn't get up.
"Alright Logan." you chuckle and grunt, attempting to get up but his 300 pounds kept your sweaty face pressed to the mat. "You made you point."
"This is why you gotta watch your legs, pumpkin. I been tell'n you, you're not steady."
"I knoooooow" You can't help but groan. "But can you get your fat ass up? Crushing me here."
Logan's face nuzzled your neck, the hair of his sideburns tickling you. "that's not fat, and you fucking know it. That's the skeleton, you know what that means?"
you huff your answer. "That you're gonna suffocate me under here?"
"It means I can protect you, pumpkin." Logan feels your whole body still underneath him. "Don't need to worry 'bout a thing, not with me around..." He trails his fingers down your sides, feeling the lightweight workout material separating you from him.
Once again, you try to push him off, but all the push ups he makes you do are no match for his heavy weight. "Logan. I think you got the wrong idea-" But he cuts you off with a deep kiss t those sweet lips of yours, sucking n your tongue and biting on your lips even as you squirm under him. Your movements only served to stimulate his cock in the loose grey gym shorts.
When he pulls away, a string of spit connects him to you for another moment still. "No wrong idea, baby." Logan draws up his claws just a little, juuust enough that when he slides his knuckles over the crack of your ass, your pathetic, half-see through leggings shred underneath him.
"Logan! Stop!" Your voice cracks as you slap at the blue matt. "Get the fuck off me! I'm tellin Scott!"
"I'm TeLlInG ScOtT!" Logan mocks you, freeing his acing cock and sliding the uncut tip over you wet little slit. He knew you'd be wet, he could mell it on you, but this was something else. "No, you're not pumpkin. Know why? Because the second Jean looks into your m- oooh fuck- when she looks into that pretty little head of yours, she's gonna feel it. Right here." He slides a hand between you and the sticky matt, feeling your stomach right where his tip pokes you. "She's gonna feel how you felt right here, the warmth in your tummy when you watch me warm up, the way it flips when i touch you and, and the way it's clenching right now, ready to come on my cock after only a few strokes.
You whimper, know logically, realistically, Scott wouldn't question you like that, that jean wouldn't tell him any arousal you felt, that the fact you were telling him to stop would be enough for Scott...But a part of you pictured him doubting you, laughing at you even. you couldn't take it.
Instead, you try to appeal to Loga's decency. Even as your stomach swirled and tightened. "Logan, I was just teasing, I didn't mean-"
"But you did, pumpkin." Logan railed into you, one hand pressed between shoulder blades you keep you down, the other squeezing and pulling and touching your body. "You wanted it, you wanted me and you were just to scared to ask. Don't worry," He huffs, hot breath against your ear. "I got you."
He fucked into your core with a fervor you've never felt, a desire for you that was palpable in the air. He was hot, and you did want him... but not like this. "Logan..." You stop moving, stop squirming, stop fighting and lay down. When he sucks kiss to your neck, you can't help it anymore and cum on his cock stretching you open.
"Good girl..." Logan groans, your tightness pushing him over the edge. He bred your sweet pussy full of his cum, pumping you so full that as he continued to pound into you, the white slick platters out from around his member.
When it was over, he continued to lay on top of you, holding you close to him with hi nose familiarizing himself with the scent of your hair. Delicious.
"Logan..." You whimper underneath him. "Just let me go... I'm not gonna tell Scott, or- or anyone. Just please get off me."
"I'm sorry, pumpkin..." He licked a stripe up the side of your face. "not even Scott could keep me away from you now. You're mind." Logan sits up, resting back on his haunches and undoes his jacket. With surprisingly gentle hands, Logan pulls you up and wraps the sweatshirt around your waist to cover the hole he riped in your leggings and underwear. "I'm not gonna stop doing this."
****************************
thanks guys!!!! I've been cracking down on school so not as much time to write :(((
@my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction @del-ightfulling @madamerubrum @journal3sposts @tomhockstetter7-111 @and-claudia @yeaiamme2 @xoxabs88xox @hornystan @mortuary-reads @hereforthehitsbaby @alexisdotnett @kemi707 @spookysquids @zaggprincess2 @freythecrazyfae @esperanza229 @chocolatequeenbasement
#dub non#non con#logan howlett#logan howlett smut#logan x reader#logan wolverine#logan howlett x you#logan howlett x reader#wolverine x you#dark logan howlett#dark!logan#dark!logan howlett#dark x men
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I have once again gone to the gym as a fat person… I am braver than any US marine tbh
#my fellow chubbies u understand#being fat in a gym is just such a feeling#a bad one#idk how to describe it other than that lol#sus#tw gym#tw fatphobia#tw weight#tw exercise#uhhh idk what else to put in here ?#lemme know if u need extra tags!!!
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also uh im kind of not thinking about it much because its insane. but if everything goes right (and i mean a considerable amount of things that probably wont go as planned) but if they DO... i will have a major surgery in like two weeks
#vertical sleeve gastrectomy to be exact insert nerd emoji here#i might document a lot of whats going on with it and even take some videos honestly#not to share here other than some oversharing text posts about probably constipation LMAO#but like no one shares whats it like to be mentally ill and go thru vsg and like the process and not many people as young as me get it#feels weird calling myself young on the chronically 13 year old website#but anyone that does post about it posts for like a year and then falls off the face of the earth#genuinely there are so many youtubers that start talking about this stuff#then you find their channel three years deserted and its like man.#i sure hope this means you found better ways to spend your time#and like okay time to get sappy and corny as hell in the notes so go ahead and skip this part idk who even reads my notes hello#but basically everyones that gets this shit is like you gotta find your why#and most of them have kids or like a husband or plans to travel the world or do better at their job#and none of those things really apply to me#i kind of have the perfect storm for being fat#i dont do anything work wise that encourages any kind of movement#im chronically afraid of planes and i cant afford that shit anyways rn#also not very good at romance LOL and never want kids and my entire family is also fat barring my brother#thats not to absolve myself of any of the blame for this shit either like i know i put myself in this situation#i just think like wow my life is pretty much perfect for staying fat but i DONT WANT THAT#I want the highlight of my week to be more than eating takeout man#i want to live life instead of meal to meal to something better#idk what yet maybe jewelery piece to jewelery piece#i could do some serious kandi making while im down for the count#but i dunno man my therapist tells me that in order to feel like a person and not get tired of life i have to do people things and#participate in life yknow?#and its hard to do things like go to the gym talk to people explore fashion styles when i have this overloomingness of being fat#so i guess that could be my why? like i want to experience more of life#i want to be able to walk in a mall and look at all the stores. i want to walk in a mall period. cause it fucking hurts the way i am now#thats all to say the actual “why” that i have is Goddamn it i want to be able to jump from a swing#and not break my fucking ankles
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Roughly once every four years I ponder the alternate timeline where I didn't get scared and quit college rugby after a single practice
#everyone was cool i was just intimidated coming from softball and karate into a full-contact team sport#after one practice i was like 'this is not for me' and didn't go back#and i do feel this way during most olympics. but especially after watching a bunch of women's rugby yesterday and today lol#maybe this'll be the year i finally get buff. im realizing that i really need to get regular exercise so im looking for stuff to do#I've enjoyed softball a lot this year and last but it's only in the spring/summer (our season just ended)#i wasn't really able to play last fall bc my work schedule gets crazy in sep/oct and i work some weekends#gyms are so fucking expensive and i really prefer having a structured activity to just free workout time#i've tried a couple of apps (just started using a new one that seems promising) but i can never stick to them as well as a team or class#i gotta figure out what sports run in the winter and where the chiller recreational teams are#i do feel like i lucked out with my softball league. it's not so casual that it's a boozefest but not so competitive that it becomes unfun#some of my softball teammates have talked about doing basketball together and like.#im a good sport im willing to try most things despite being fat and slow but i am Extremely not built for basketball lmao#idk idk. i just turned 30 last week and have started having trouble sleeping in the last few months#regular moderate exercise will not solve all my problems but it will probably help#j rambles
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probably not great that my first instinct towards most excercise is always sheer horror and anxiety. i feel like it might not be healthy on like a lot of levels.
#its like the combination of. having been a fat kid who got bullied in pe. and also being a fat person in general so just feeling ashamed and#unwelcomed in like gyms and shit etc. and like conversely persobal baggage of when i had an ed and was starving myself and excercising non#stop to the point of injury like whoaaaah. okay. i dont wanna beeeeeeee in this spaceeeeeee
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Really fucking cool of my work to use 2 photos of their fat staff members in the PSA about how it's important to be healthy and that two thirds of Aussies are overweight and that is BAD
#me being one of the photos#it's a nice photo too but are you fucking serious#I have been feeling so good about myself and now I am just sobbing#idk if I even have grounds to make a complaint but like who the fuck thought this would be a good idea#words.png#like maybe I'm just fat girl overreacting but like in what world would this not make someone upset#like just pick some smiley photos of whoever fuck#it's also just embarassing#like the photo next to ours is some super fit lady at the gym#and of course my bf isnt here so now I'm in Very Immediate Danger of relapsing if I can't calm myself down 🫠
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mm, i like having a tummy, i like feeling confident and happy wearing what i want without being self conscious about it. years of hearing fatphobic statements and seeing weight loss ads really fucked me up. i’m glad im learning to grow and love and taking care of myself.
#body positvity#body neutrality#anti ed#anti diet culture#fu ppl who demonize fat body types#you hurt everyone#i dont care how you’re healtheir then everyone else bc youre skinny and go to the gym#have fun with making fat girls feel ashamed for just literally existing#no one cares that you go to the gym like everyday#learn to understand that everyone is different and have different accommodations#imagine walking up to a grizzly preparing for hibernation and telling it ‘omg u r so fat and ugly. no one is gonna love you. lose weight uh’#first off the bear will obs not understand you#but the point is you should be shredded apart by a grizzly for being fatphobic
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Rant incoming concerning fatphobia:
I find it superrrr vexing and distasteful whenever someone threatens me with the 'do you want to become fat' thing. I understand that since my natural body frame is being thin, it'd indicate bad things for my health if I do become fat (if you're naturally born big, then getting bigger probably won't mean anything too bad) but I just deeply resent the underlying implication of it all. Like ofc it's better for me in a societal sense to be thin, especially since I don't have a thick skin to negative comments at all, but like?? If you want to scold me in order to make me eat more healthily, just cite health reasons! There's literally no reason to bring up fatness!! What's everyone's deal?? Is it a crime to be fat?? Smh 💀
Some ppl act as if ppl automatically become ugly when they're fat which is just blatantly untrue. And in the first place I'm not even particularly good-looking so it's not gonna be the end of my world if I get bigger. Ofc if being fat negatively affects me physically and/or mentally then I think those are good causes for concern but at least lead with that if you're truly concerned about me for god's sake
#tate lin posts#fatphobia#body neutrality#btw i'm on the camp of believing that it's not necessary to love or even like your body#but it is necessary to be comfortable in it and have it be a good body that can last you to elderly-hood without causing too much#or if any problems#at any rate i just hate the feeling of being bullied into sth by society#i'm aware that i have some self-esteem issues but my confidence isn't that low either!!#i have pride too!!#SIGH#anyway don't mind me i'm just really irritated rn#btw this vent is brought to you cause of my mother who considers herself fat#but if you ask me she doesn't look like an atypical woman at all#a lot of ppl are around her size#and she's my mother so obviously to me she's really pretty#most ppl who think they're fat actually aren't imo#comparison to media just makes them feel fatter than they actually are#and it's not that i don't have flab i absolutely do cause i'm the most physically unfit in this household#both my sisters go to the gym and they're twice my size does that make their 'fatness' their fault?? no.
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Okay, obviously I have some body image issues. This is very clear to pretty much everyone who knows me. I have had them since I hit about 10 years old I think? That gives me 15 years of disliking the way I look, for one reason or another. I have tried a lot of things throughout that time to change my perception of myself. And currently, I feel like I am stuck in a weird place that I can't figure out how to escape.
I understand that there are studies now showing that dieting and working out don't actually work long term for most people. I know that getting into that mostly causes things like yo-yo dieting and circular weight gain/loss. I know that being fat is being shown to not actually be unhealthy in the ways it has often been shown as and perceived to be. I know that literally all the media everywhere is blasting me with idealized bodies that pretty much do not exist or only exist through extremely unsustainable/unhealthy means.
I have tried for so long to believe in and promote body neutrality or positivity for myself and other people. I constantly refuse to let myself think about what I see in the mirror or in pictures. I tell myself to get exercise for the physical and mental health benefits, not for my physical appearance. I try to view my body for what it can do and not how it looks. I tell myself to live the life I want to live now, rather than waiting to live it till I have the body I imagine living that life. Without exaggeration, I am fairly certain I think about these things every single day.
And none of it is working.
I actually feel I dislike my appearance now more than I did even a year ago. I feel like I am constantly noticing things about my body that I never did before or new changes to my body, and I am deeply uncomfortable with them. And I want to do something about it, and clearly simply changing my mentality isn't doing anything. I want to diet and exercise. But I also know it likely won't be a permanent change. I am concerned that I would give myself an eating disorder. And I'm also concerned that I would be feeding into diet/exercise culture. I am worried about hurting the people around me who are also fat. I am anxious about the fact that I am not actually that large so I don't want to talk about it with other people because I know it will make people who are larger than I am feel terrible. I don't want to make other people who are gaining weight feel bad for that. But, I hate the way I look.
This is not sustainable. At some point something will break and I think it might end up being my brain. I am worried about how that would end up. The things I do for my brain and my body shouldn't be about how it might affect other people, it should be for me. But I don't want to be bad for the things I do. I want and have wanted for so long to look like a powerbuilder/warrior/dwarf/strongman lifter/crossfit athlete/etc. I want to be big. I want to be visibly strong and powerful. And I am absolutely not. And I know I struggle with commitment and discipline and all of that, but I also know I struggle a lot with how this desire appears to other people.
Really, I think what this is all coming down to is other people's opinions. I dislike the way I look and am told that's bad. I want to change the way I look and I'm told that's bad. I do nothing and get told that's bad. I have to want these things for the right reason, in the right way, and have to talk about it right all the time. And I just can't. I don't like the way I look and I wish I looked like a brick shithouse and everyone else can fucking suck it.
#please if you know me irl don't read this and then tell me nice things about the way i look#i appreciate that you want to make me feel better but that's not what i'm looking for with this#i am mostly just trying to work out how i feel and what i want to do about it#and what my exact thoughts are about all of it#for example until writing that out i didn't even realize a big part of the circles i'm running in#are entirely about what other people think or how other people might perceive my actions#i am not telling other people to work out#i am not forcing people to go the gym with me#i actively don't want to make other people feel bad or do anything to disparage the choices they make#about their bodies#i do not want to starve myself#i don't want extreme 6 pack abs like people get from being dehydrated for movies#the things i want aren't unhealthy or unachievable (i don't think anyway)#i don't want them just because society thinks being fat is bad#it has a lot more with wanting to be strong and have muscles and not feel soft#than it does the number on the scale or any stretch marks or what size pants i wear#sure i watch superhero movies and wish i looked like them. but i am also aware i'm not fucking male#and my hip bones won't ever be that shape no matter how much i work out#so i would like to think that as a reasonably intelligent 25 year old i can figure out how i want to look#and not have it entirely be just because society told me to look like that#and that wanting these things doesn't make me some evil brainwashed asshole#i don't know that all of this is making sense anymore or actually making point i am trying to make. i'm tired#anyway. to wrap up. fuck other people. i don't have to listen to shit#and if i want to do push-ups and eat lots of protein and get hugeass biceps you can't stop me#and i'm not evil for not wanting my belly button to look like a circle and not a squished frown
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🏋🏻♀️🎻🏢
#ok but another reason im upset abt not being able to eat properly (barely anything at all)#is bc FINALLY after talking abt it for over a year#my mom and i got a gym membership#so we will start going to the gym#even if we're poor both of us really need to get stronger so we decided to prioritize it#but.... i cant eat fat and barely any protein so i cant build muscles :((#i'll prob just be able to do light cardio until may/june next year#and i want muscles!!!! i also love doing workouts so im sad im not in a state to do that#i know i know.. it is what it is. but im so sick of it#i wanna feel good and strong and healthy and energized
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“here’s a chubby x!”
*a normal ass man with a normal ass athletic build under a normal ass amount of subcutaneous fat*
#ra speaks#personal#sorry maybe I just spend way too much time at the gym/seeing regular human beings but my dude that is not chubby#he doesn’t even have enough chub in his neck to have a double chin if he tried!!!!#babes I am begging on my hands and knees draw fat people just do it do it poorly learn grow get better#don’t just slap an extra five mm of squish over a highly athletic build and call it chubby#my sister complains that she’s chubby and it makes me feel bad bc I know IM thin and she’s BARELY ten pounds heavier than me#and she’s got an extra inch of height to boot like!!!! having padding over your muscles!!!! isn’t !!!! CHUBBY!!!!
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the problem with exercise is that I want to do fun things like parkour, but I'm so out of shape that I'd need to to ten thousand pushups before I have enough of a foundation to even start doing anything fun
'oh well, the trick is, don't think of it as ten thousand pushups and overwhelm yourself: just do three pushups every day until you can do four, and so on and it'll get easier and easier over time'
you misunderstand. I don't want to do three pushups. I want to climb trees and vault over obstacles right now
#the problem is not that ten thousand pushups over time is too hard the problem is that pushups are boring!!!#and I'm impatient!!!#also honestly I think going to A Gym to Lift Weights would be easy and fine#in the same way I could easily do schoolwork AT school or I never get restless or distracted watching movies in the theater#but I feel psychologically incapable of submitting to the mortifying ordeal of being fat and out of shape working with a trainer at a gym#if I had my own car again maybe I could take up swimming somewhere... although that still wouldn't make me Stronk in the same way alas#WHY IS EXERCISING BORING I WANNA JUST HAVE MUSCLES RAAAGHHH#about me
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My mother seriously just took the muffin I was given at a bakery today bc we were there when they were closing so they gave it to me for free and says she’s giving it to our neighbour bc I’m so fat I clearly don’t need it I’m fucking LIVID
#1. there is nothing wrong with being fat but I’m literally just not#midsized maybe but she genuinely just has no construct of size I’m a fucking Australian 12#2. IT WAS MY FUCKING FOOD AND SHE STOLE IT I WAS LOOKING FOWARD TO IT FOR HOURS#3. WEIGHT DOES NOT HAVE A MORAL VALUE IM ALLOWED TO EAT ‘UNHEALTHY’ FOOD IF I WANT TO#I’m genuinely just crying now she makes me feel like this gigantic monster just bc she’s naturally petite and can’t comprehend that I’m fine#with not having a flat stomach and not going to gym 4 times a week oh my fucking god#anyway I miss when I was away and for the first time in probably a decade I could go more than a week without someone commenting#on my appearance holy shit I just want to feel neutral about my body#it’s a fucking wonder I don’t have an ED after growing up in this house#fatphobia tw#my post
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So I’m trying to pick up running, and I just finished my second run and with trying to pick up this hobby it’s really starting to sink in how fucked up middle and high school gym was.
Like I know middle and high school gym is fucked up, but now that I’m finding some enjoyment in running, it really puts into perspective how fucking cruel running the mile was.
Because making a bunch of teenagers run a mile when they’ve had zero training, all while timing them and tell them how gross and unhealthy they.
I remember how much I HATED the mile run because it hurt. It hurt so bad, like my sides and throat would burn the whole time but there was no way to get out of it. Gym class creates such a toxic relationship between children and exercise, that only now at 20 am I starting to break down.
Running used to terrify me but now it’s fun, the biggest reason being is that I can pace myself and give myself my own limits. I’m not having someone timing me and scrutinizing how winded I am or how long I took. It’s seriously fucking twisted what we expect of these kids who are not prepared to run for that much distance. Gym class I think is the biggest reason I believe for so long that some ppl are just “naturally” athletic, and not that everyone can be athletic within their own right. Because we were not taught how to build up strength in any given activity, you were just told to do it and if you couldn’t you were shamed for being unhealthy.
Just such a great way to make kids have a bad relationship with their bodies and exercise.
#hate tag#don’t rb I’m just kinda feeling my feelings on this#also this goes without saying but all of the badness of gym class is fueled by fatphobia and ablism#it should be fine for kids fo be fat and unhealthy#exercise should not be about getting thin or being in ‘peak physical condition’#it’s about getting your body moving and having fun#and idk I just want sports to be for everyone because they’re fun#and I feel like I was gatekept from sports for so long because of my body#and the awful taste gym class left in my mouth
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I should trigger myself into not eating again.
#Still not willing to call it an ED because I’m definitely not skinny enough to be disordered.#In one of my early conversations with him he said he didn’t like gym class and added ‘but I’m not fat. I just hate being perceived’#And that sticks with me every time I see myself because he said fat like it was something bad to br#Which it is by the way I see it like that too#But hearing him say it feels even more painful#It’s some motivation I guess#Gotta get this fucking filth off of my body
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