#being demisexual by the time I develop a romantic interest in someone it's always been too late to pursue anything which is frustrating

[overwheat]

A lot of this resonates with me as I've been having similar thoughts recently, primarily in regards to what they said about believing that you cannot have romantic love without a strong friendship cause even though I've yet to be in a long-term relationship, I strongly feel the same there.

I'm mostly going to generalize here but, yeah I want a partner to have a sexual & romantic relationship with but neither are what I want the main pillars of the relationship to be.

I want a best friend as a romantic partner, to be with someone where we can do anything & everything together without getting sick of each of other and not feel emotionally drained at the end of the day but, also maintain our independencies in doing on our things outside of spending time together.

To choose to love each other, faults; baggage and all, to work with and be patient with each other when our individual triggers inevitably rear their ugly head.

Ultimately I desire to be with someone to just live; enjoy and work through life with. To show and make each other feel wanted, adored and respected.

And if I manage to find multiple people to do that all with, even better honestly.

no offence but i think a lot of us me included don’t actually want romantic love as badly as we think and really are just lonely and crave a closeness and intimacy that feels out of reach in friendships because of society’s emphasis on marriage and the nuclear family so we project that into the never ending search for a perfect love and a soulmate when really we all just want to mean something to someone

[bg3-npc]

Asexual Awareness Week and BG3

Below the cut is 1,100+ words of interpreting Wyll Ravengard as demisexual. As an asexual person, I relate to many of Wyll's desires and experiences. That relation has lead me to this interpretation of him as a character. Interpretation is the key word here. This is simply another way view this character and gain insight. It's obviously extremely biased, which is why I put the word count first. So if your interested in analysis that is probably more projection than interpretation, I bring you this.

Wyll is portrayed as an almost incurable romantic. He constantly references stories, tales, fables, and myths when discussing his romantic desires. Romance heavily influences his sexual desires as well. It is practically inherent to his sexual attraction. While this can be viewed as idealism, I want to propose an alternative outlook. One where he hasn’t conflated romance and sexuality, but rather one where romance is vital to his sexuality.

Wyll talks little of his sexual habits outside of when romance is being discussed. These quotes are about dancing, but they happen while you’re romancing him.

“Don't worry! It's not really about the dance, it's about who's we're dancing with.”

“I had years of lessons but in truth it's all about your partner.”

Like when you’re romancing most companions, many things said have multiple meanings or implications. He’s telling you that while he does enjoy sex, it’s who you’re doing it with that makes it truly pleasurable. I think Wyll desires the intimacy that comes from sex more than the act itself. He’s drawn to the connection it brings rather than the pleasure.

At one point he describes his sexual history as “tight-laced” when he’s talking with Shadowheart.  He says, “I was never one to sew my wild oats.” Apparently Wyll hasn’t had to practice and exercise much sexual restraint in his life. It’s easy to control one’s sexual desires when you don’t really feel them to begin with.

While he can understand people’s various sexual habits, I don’t think he can relate. He doesn’t see the appeal to casual sex. Sex doesn’t feel satisfying to him without connection. He has impulses, and sometimes he wants to act on them, but they don’t seem worth it. He doesn’t derive enough pleasure from the act alone to pursue it. Romantic relationships already provide sex, and he values love above all else. Why would he want anything else?

“Eh-heh, well, give it some time! Develop a bond, and…maybe I'll show you a move or two.”

“Hm, think of love as a strong ale, or a warm fire. Is the clang of steel on steel not made more satisfying by the pleasures that come after?”

Doesn’t sex feel decidedly better when you’re having it with someone you care for? How satisfactory can it be without attachment? How truly enjoyable is it without a bond?

“I value affection, over fun. A lasting memory over a passing fancy.” 

“But I’ve always been a bit old-fashioned on these matters. I find more pleasure in a courtly dance, than a loveless fling.”

Isn’t it more fulfilling to love someone than lust for them? Do you not feel more fulfilled from loving someone than sleeping with them? Is sex even worth having without love?

“Gods I want you, but I can't take your body without taking your heart.”

Can Wyll even give you his body without giving you his heart? They seem to go hand in hand for him. Love is essential to his sexual enjoyment, he doesn’t seem to experience sexual desire without it. Love might be the only way he can desire it. Here is an interaction between him and Astarion.

Astarion: "You didn’t kiss anyone until you were fifteen?! Gods. What a tragic, sheltered life."

Wyll: "Sheltered? Not at all! I was exposed to all manner of riot and revelry. Hells, my father even urged me on once or twice."

His romantic tendencies don’t come from inexperience or prudishness. Wyll isn’t oblivious or naive when it comes to sex. He’s been exposed and even encouraged to have it. While he might call it “proper”, Wyll is aware his way of courting isn’t for everyone. Your sexual habits might not align with his personal wants, but he won’t respect you any less for yours. Wyll does not believe your sex life effects your worth. If anything, he feels his wants are regressive.

“But I still keep faith in the old tales of love. The ‘once upon a times’ and the ‘happily ever-afters’.”

“I'd, like to do this the proper way. The way of the old romances sung by the bards.”

“But I’ve always been a bit old-fashioned on these matters.”

He constantly uses the word “old” to describe his courting methods. He’s acknowledges these desires aren’t modern, and by referencing fairytales he’s aware they might even be fictious. He calls his sexual habits “tight-laced”, his romantic intentions as “old-fashioned”. They’re not exactly said negatively, but more with the acknowledgment that his wants come across as restrictive. When the habits of today hold no appeal to you, you feel stuck in the past. What are you supposed to do when fiction seems to be the only place where romance is done how you’d like?

If you have sex with Mizora, these are some of his responses.

“You shared your body with the fiend who holds my soul.”

“We danced! We made a connection…and you severed it for a single bite of the Hells?”

This next quote is how he responds if you say, ‘Can you blame me? It’s not like you’ve been putting out.’

“Is that what matters to you? Sex without union? Heat without heart? Did you not take joy in the dance?”

Now obviously the biggest issue is you slept with the being that holds his soul. However, he says these things because he thought you felt the same way about sex as he does. He thought sex was an act as precious to you as it was to him. He thought you also prioritized love over physicality. He thought you enjoyed the way things were going, clearly he was. Had he known you didn’t feel the same, he probably never would’ve pursued you.

Wyll doesn’t do casual, he doesn’t do “let’s see where this goes”. He seems like the type to pursue every romance with the intention of marriage. No, he won’t propose on the first date. He won’t even necessarily think either of you are compatible. However, that’s the whole point of courting! It’s to test the potential of forever. He likes agreements, he likes pacts. He wants certainty, reliability.

Yes, he probably hasn't had much firsthand experience with relationships. Yes, all these things can be seen as restraint. Yes, they can be seen as repression. They can also be seen as someone who knows himself and genuinely wants “happily ever after”. Someone who’s aware of what he’s asking and wants you to desire it as well. Maybe love is the only way he can connect to his sexual desires. Maybe love is important to him because it’s the only way he can truly enjoy sex. Love might be the only thing that lets him experience sex like everyone else. Maybe love is the only thing that let's him feel sex like it’s described in fantasy. Maybe he’s lost in that fantasy, or maybe he’s just demisexual.

[dxrkvibez]

i guess these can be head canons? but it’s more just explaining how i see henry and william, or what it would be in my au

-henry is gay. like, 100% full on, into men. however, he grew up in utah. in the 40s/50s. as a mormon. there was never a chance he ever thought it would be okay to act on that.

-i’m struggling between making william a very hyper sexual person (he’ll sleep with anyone that even looks at him)

OR

he’s very demisexual and only really feels intense physical/sexual/emotional attraction to someone when he loves them. he comes off very sexual to hide this fact.

-henry married his wife due to it kind of being what he had to do. he didn’t have any other choice. one of the reasons they fought so much (and why she ended up leaving) was her feeling like henry had no interest in her. honestly his life was easier when she did leave though because he didn’t have to worry about it anymore, and he got his kids

- william and clara were high school sweethearts. not completely. they met senior year and married the year after that, then had michael the same year. (i’d say 19-20ish?). he loved her. adored her.

-henry developed feelings for william first. and it was fast. bro just looked at william and went ‘yup. that’s the guy i want to spend the rest of my life with.’

-william liked henry. he didn’t realize it was any romantic or sexual feelings, up until clara left. then it hit him hard. not only was henry there to help him. but wow has he always been this hot?

-i feel like the two really got close when both of their wives left. they were friends before, but nothing else really happened until they were both single.

-in my delusions i like to think everyone turned out happy and william and henry are married raising their kids together and everyone is happy :)

-michael also went to henry first when he started dating jeremy. there’s times he feels closer to him then william (which does that really surprise anyone? no)

- all their names are abbreviated afton-emily. william INSISTED his had to come first. and henry really didn’t care anyways.

[kaycode1999]

Hello!

I don’t know if your match up are still open if not you may ignor this but I’d like to have an LMK match up please I can’t really think of who I don’t want to match up with I guess any characters who are children since I’m an adult also sorry for any mistake English isn’t my first language but here we go

Im a girl I’m straight Demisexual im autistic and have anxiety and seasonal depression im a pretty bubbly person but Im also very shy around new people ive always been the quiet kid so quiet that sometimes even my family forgot I existed and i get very passionate about things I like.i also have trust issues due to past friendship where people have stabbed me in the back and hurt me beyond measure so it take times for me to trust people but once we’re friends I’ve got your back I LOVE plays im a huge theater kid but I especially LOVE musicals AHHHH love them!!im also abit of night owl might be due to my insomnia? I’m about scard of the dark but nothing a good nightlight and a plushie can fix! I love cuddling im also a HUGE romantic completely hopeless romantic let me tell you that I also love reading and drawing I draw a lot I don’t feel I’ve improved over the years that much sadly even tough I’ve been drawing since forever I think that all thanks you for your time have a good day

I match you with

Monkey King/ Sun Wukong

You might not think so but he is also demi he needs that emotional connection for having a relationship and any kind of physical intimacy

He understands anxiety and depression even if he seems all carefree and easy going

He’s there for you if you need any help with that or even just a caring ear

About the seasonal depression he will definitely be aware of it and make sure to be extra doting and loving and does as much as he can to mitigate it

Of course he loves your bubbly personality, but he understands the being shy around new people. Honestly he thought that was really adorable at first but he loves seeing you happy and bubbly

He doesn’t mind that you’re more quiet, he’ll never forget about you like your family 😂 but he actually really likes just peacefully enjoying each others company

He absolutely adores when you get passionate about things you like. Will listen to you go on about your interests with the most lovesick smile on his face

Oh boy, he has trust issues to. He knows what it’s like to be betrayed by people you care about so you both understand each other and give each other the time you need to develop that trust

Once that trust and connection is there though you both are fiercely loyal and have each others backs through everything

He fucking loves musicals and I will not change my mind on that. He’s very theatrical himself as it is

I feel like Wukong doesn’t actually have a consistent sleep schedule he just sleeps when he gets tired. That said he is up often enough if you can’t sleep you’ll have someone there with you to keep you company. He also might have some mystic potion or artifact that can help with the insomnia

He will have night lights set up in the bed room for you to help you feel more comfortable and all the plushies. He’ll even make you a plushy that’s a mini version of him and it’s adorable

He is such a sucker for cuddling and relaxing with his SO. He plays the tough guy but he’s a big hopeless romantic too. After everything that’s happened in his life he maybe doesn’t believe he deserves you , but because of that he’ll treat you like a princess and is so grateful to have you

He will definitely get you art supplies and books he knows or thinks you’ll like

[betweenxt-the-lines]

Fic Analysis: Found in the Crack of Your Palm

Disclaimer: This analysis will contain SPOILERS. I encourage you to read the one-shot first before reading this post.

Read the fanfic here, and don't forget to leave kudos and comments to the author, @the-furthest-city-light! It's a very good time, to the point of inspiring me into writing ovo

................

The main draw that I had with this fanfic in the first place is that it characterizes Luffy as demisexual. His and Zoro's relationship is cleverly paced and built up from their small, bite-sized scenarios that capture the slow but eventual realization and admittance of his romantic feelings to Zoro.

While the one-shot is divided in several different scenes spanning many settings, The scenes in the crow’s nest with Luffy and Zoro are the most vital scenes of the fanfic. We see that throughout the story, only these two characters are shown to frequent the crow's nest. It's also the only place in the story where Zoro and Luffy allow for their vulnerability and openness to shine through, making this the location of Luffy's "checkpoint" where he reflects on his feelings and overall progress of his relationship with Zoro.

Being unaware of his feelings

When first introduced to the crow’s nest, Luffy at this point has made small notices that he’s been paying attention to Zoro in a way he’s not done with another person. In the scene before, Luffy was focused on Zoro’s physical features for the first time and he notes that it bubbles up a strange reaction inside of him.

... Zoro lying against the mast, the tender underbelly of him exposed. It does weird things to Luffy’s chest, makes his skin feel tight. His palms tingle, an itch beneath his skin to – to – 

Luffy stops his line of thinking by engaging in usual Luffy shenanigans (shooting a fish with a canon) to distract himself. Going back to Luffy and Zoro's scene in the crow’s nest, Luffy also catches the way the moon illuminates and paints Zoro’s features. Both of these scenarios points the start of his interest in Zoro. However, he too unaware of this behaviour to notice a shift within himself, and easily gives in to distractions. After staring at Zoro and taking in the night sky, Luffy comments,

“It’s pretty”, Luffy says when he’s done looking at the stars

But for someone who was just done looking at the stars, he’s paying an awful amount of more attention and focus on the way Zoro looks. Zoro’s features were intentionally described in more length, indicative of the amount of attention that Luffy was giving to them. By comparison, there was not a single description of the star’s beauty in the night sky. This made me believe that Luffy was unaware about how he’s using the stars as a cover for the feelings that he has not (for now) discovered. Luffy no doubt finds the stars to be beautiful, but he does not realize that he's not quite referring to the stars, but to Zoro. Checkpoint one in Luffy's relationship with Zoro displays that he's started to notice things about Zoro, something that he does not do for others.

Two crucial moments and the slow realization

By the second time we are privy to the events in the crow’s nest, Luffy had experienced two big events that caused a turning point with his development and realization about his feelings: the battle at Whiskey Peak, and the Battle with the Marines. Both of these scenarios forced Luffy to realize that he likes Zoro differently from how he likes his other close friends and family, putting him a step closer to finding out that his feelings may not be entirely platonic. I want to discuss each turning point in great detail because they provide the push Luffy needed to complete his realization, which he will then be reflecting and pondering on in the crow’s nest.

In the battle of Whiskey Peak, Luffy for the first time faces Zoro as an enemy. Luffy has always known that Zoro enjoys his battles, but he also gains another understanding with the way he fights. When the swordsman battles, he gives his utmost focus and attention to his enemy.

After Whiskey Peak he’s almost—he’s almost jealous, of the people Zoro fights.  Not because he wants to fight Zoro, but because Zoro affords all his focus to those he fights, the whole entire strength of him.

Luffy realizes that he likes being given that attention and admits that he is jealous of the people Zoro fights. Even for a small moment, Luffy gets a preview of what it is like to be Zoro’s everything, and he desperately craves that feeling again. Their skirmish ended with Luffy gaining a scar on his bicep that he is fond of because the scar is a proof of Zoro's connection with him, almost like he now as a part of Zoro. Luffy becomes more drawn to his swordsman as he now realizes what it will be like to be his only focus.

He notices that Zoro only shaves once a week, but by day five his stubble is visible and by day six it starts bugging him. … He notices Zoro doesn’t touch him, but he lets Luffy pull him along without much complaint.  So he finds himself yanking Zoro into his space at the dining table or pulling him along across Merry’s deck to show him cool stuff or hugging him one-sidedly like it’s the most natural thing in the world. If he’s really, really lucky, then Zoro will turn to look at him with this smile that he only gives Luffy.  And always, always, when Zoro looks at him with that smile, his eyes soften in a way that fills Luffy up to the brim, so full he can’t breathe.  It’s weird. Luffy likes it.  He likes Zoro in general.

At this point of the story, Luffy is much more deliberate with paying attention to the little details of  Zoro, signifying that he’s now aware of how much his eyes shift to his swordsman. He starts to find small excuses to continuously touch and be around him, realizing that he likes Zoro. Based on what we’ve seen of Luffy so far, it is hard to say he's referring to a romantic “like”, but it is not a stretch to believe that Zoro has gained his interest in a way that other people did not. He clues in that Zoro makes him feel strange, but he likes this feeling that Zoro gives him. Luffy even makes an attempt with sharing this discovery.

I don’t mind,” Luffy tells him, and stuffs his mouth full of a ham hock.  He is so glad they have Sanji on the crew now.  “Zoro can touch me."

The second turning point comes with the battle with the Marines. The fight is well-paced, carrying the right amount of energy with its punch and challenges, portraying that despite the Straw Hats needing to take the fight a little more seriously than usual, they will still be victorious. The fight contained its dangers, but the lighthearted banter and communications within the Straw Hats imply that they will triumph.

It is at the end of the battle, however, that brings Luffy's next development with his feelings for Zoro. Zoro scolds Luffy for his inaction after warning him of an incoming attack. Understanding that Luffy is okay, and that he’s taken more hits than his captain, Zoro softens. Luffy notices that Zoro is giving him his full attention, similar to how he did when they battled in Whiskey Peak. When Zoro clasps the back of Luffy’s head, Luffy starts to have an ecstatic reaction. This is our first look of Luffy's desire for Zoro, something he never had with anyone else.

None of it explains the way Luffy’s body lights up when Zoro clasps the back of his neck, like every nerve is alight and trained on the palm cupping the baby hairs at the back of his skull.  His stomach knots over itself and he wants to eat everything in Sanji’s kitchen.  Zoro’s skin is a little rough and sweaty from fighting and warm. Zoro is close, so close, his forehead nearly butting Luffy’s and Luffy couldn’t move if he wanted to, trapped there by the closeness and the touch that makes him aware of Zoro’s skin against his in a way he’s never been before.  Zoro’s eyes bore into his, digging deep into Luffy and dragging out—something, buried in the base of his spine.  He feels like the earth is tilting, and freefall seems like it might be fun. Luffy licks his lips, his mouth dry and his heartrate frantic.

As the moment between him and Zoro is broken, Luffy wanted Zoro’s attention back. Now aware for his desire for Zoro, Luffy is unable to handle this new turn of events, “…his [Luffy] brain blank and empty with static,” and “feeling weird and off-balance.” Zoro’s attention is now directed to Chopper was patching him up, and Luffy (for the first time) blushes as he takes in the details of Zoro’s back muscles and movements.

Zoro’s bared back faces Luffy, and it suddenly seems—different.  Luffy’s never noticed the way the muscles on Zoro’s back stand out, connect, contract as he moves.  He’s never noticed how his tanned skin seems to glow in the afternoon light, or how his shoulder-blades stand out, framing the divot of his spine. His face feels too warm.  Everything feels too warm.  Luffy tears his gaze away, and finds Sanji staring at him, one curly eyebrow raised.

With Luffy’s two reactions (blushing and the feelings he got when Zoro touched him on the back of his neck), I believe this is the point where Luffy realizes he has a crush on Zoro, even if he still does not understand what that entails. It’s also worth noting that right after Luffy notices his desires , his hunger pangs starts, desperate to fill a gap within himself with food. Even as he lays awake on his bunk at night and fed, he’s having trouble with sleep. I see this as Luffy making an attempt at trying to satiate his feelings of crush for Zoro with food, because he doesn’t know how to go about wanting his swordsman. Luffy’s a bit of a stress eater, and honestly, he’s me fr fr.

It’s no coincidence that he climbs into the crow’s nest the next night, now with a bit more of an understanding of his feelings about the swordsman, but also with many thoughts to ponder over. When he looks over at Zoro and absorbs the details of how the moon has painted Zoro’s features, Luffy reacts the same way he did during the aftermath of the battle with the Marines: blushing and wanting Zoro’s attention. To notice that he’s feeling new things about his swordsman. Wanting to touch him.

And just like what happened after, Luffy once again stops himself from saying what he wants. He tried to share his thoughts with Zoro, but it comes out lacking and not completely what he’s meaning to say. He still has no idea how to go about resolving and sharing how he feels with Zoro.

“Zoro,” Luffy starts.  He hears Zoro move to look over at him, but doesn’t know how to voice what he wants to ask.  He frowns in thought, and Zoro makes a questioning noise. “I like it up here,” Luffy tells him.  It’s not what he wants to say but it’s true regardless.  He looks up at Zoro because Zoro always seems to understand him with just a look, and he thinks he may as well give it a shot now. Zoro’s expression is soft, and he nods.  But there’s no light of understanding or realization in his eyes, and whatever Luffy’s thinking or feeling misses its mark.  That’s okay—it’s not like Luffy knows what he meant in the first place.”

As Luffy understands that he’s gaining non-platonic feelings for Zoro, he’s becomes unsure. Luffy (who throughout this story) has been confident and does not give too much of a thought about his actions, shows hesitation for the first time. He knows he wants Zoro, but he still does not completely understand what a crush means, or how to go about having a crush.

This second crow’s nest scene summarizes Luffy’s current progress on his feelings towards Zoro: aware of his non-platonic feelings, but doesn’t quite know what it is or what he’s going to do with it. The reason he’s been able to come to this conclusion is because of his discoveries both during the fight in Whiskey Peak and the Marines. In fact, I stand to believe that it’s not a coincidence that it’s during battles that Luffy makes these realizations. Zoro is a man of few words, and uses his actions to do the talking, which is fitting, that Luffy starts to fall for him as Zoro shows himself more through his actions.

Action and Conclusion

In the third (and final) time we’re shown in Luffy and Zoro’s moment in the crow’s nest, we reach a culmination of Luffy’s efforts to understanding and addressing how he feels about Zoro. To get to this point, he seeks out the help of Nami as he knows he won't go far trying to figure things out on his own. Nami and Vivi are in a relationship in this story, and Luffy is aware that they’ve kissed and done other romantic actions. This displays Luffy’s observant nature and accurate assessment, making the connection that what he’s feeling for Zoro is likely how Nami feels for Vivi.

Nami explains that she partakes in romantic endeavours with Vivi is that she’s attracted to Vivi, which Luffy does not understand. 

“… but you know how, like, you can look at a person and think they’re pretty or hot but it’s kind of—objective?  Remote?  And how with other people you notice they’re pretty and also you feel like you want to be near them or touch them?” Luffy tilts his head to the side.  “No?” “Hmm,” Nami frowns.  “What about, like, butterflies?  Where you see someone and get kind of nervous and hot because you like them?” Luffy scrunches his nose.  He can’t remember being nervous about…well, anything, ever.

Luffy’s demisexuality comes into the forefront of the story and is a major factor into him not understanding his feelings for Zoro. Being demisexual means that the person can’t be drawn to another solely on their physical appearance, or if they don’t know a person deeply. Prior to meeting Zoro, Luffy has never been nervous about a person, felt the feelings of “butterflies” in his stomach, or the need to touch someone and be near them. It’s curious that Luffy does not think about his reactions to Zoro when Nami was describing attraction, even when he did experience the same feelings. However, there is reason to believe that this is because at this point, Luffy does not connect the dots that his nervousness and uncertainty is linked with his romantic feelings for Zoro. As Nami made Zoro leave the kitchen, allowing for a more private conversation between her and Luffy, he opens to ask his true question: If he wants to kiss Zoro. Luffy explains to Nami that he’s never had the urge to do this with someone before, therefore attributing to his confusion.

“He doesn’t think it makes a lot of sense, since most of Luffy’s explanations have to do with Zoro staring or how it suddenly feels weird to touch his swordsman or how he really, really wants Zoro to touch him.  He tells them he feels—squirmy around Zoro now and it’s not restlessness or hunger or anything else he knows how to deal with, how he wants to say something but he doesn’t know what.” 

It is worth noting here that Luffy is an amateur when attempting to describe how he feels about Zoro. Not only that, but he describes his feelings objectively, as he only talks about the sensations in his body and wanting to do something about it. Luffy has felt happy, excited, and nervous when thinking about Zoro, but he does not describe any of these feelings to Nami. I see this as Luffy not being aware of how his feelings shifts when he is thinking about Zoro. Nami realizes that Luffy works better with action-based learning to resolving his feelings, and tells Luffy to ask Zoro for permission when wanting to do something with him. Luffy is then excited at the prospect of asking Zoro for a hug, because even in his uncertainty, getting an affirmation from the person in question is a direct and definitive way to having an answer.

Luffy decides on the next day that he’s going to ask Zoro for a hug, waiting patiently for him to finish his workout. He homes in on the way Zoro’s body and muscles move.

Zoro squats, and as he squats he exhales through his mouth.  His abs bend and his thighs bulge through the fabric of his trousers.  He rises, and his stomach contracts as he inhales through his nose, his broad chest bulging and his shoulders pinned back under the weight he’s holding.  Luffy follows the line off his shoulders to the swell of his biceps, the tension of his forearms and the firmness of his grip around the barbell. Luffy watches the motion of Zoro’s hips for a moment but it makes a flush of something deep and sharp slide through him, something unexpected.  He imagines Zoro turning around, imagines watching him do this from behind, and he has to look away, imagining the muscles of Zoro’s back move and twitch beneath his skin, his trousers filling with his butt on each squat— Luffy squirms, the first flash of impatience hitting him.  He wants to touch Zoro.  He wants to hug him.  Or something.”

The usually hyperactive and excitable Luffy is still and quiet when observing Zoro because he’s enamoured. He even goes as far as imagining what it would be like for him to stare at Zoro from behind but cuts off his line of thought by thinking of doing something else to distract himself. It took Luffy this long to find Zoro attractive, a feeling that Nami described to him earlier in the kitchen.

Zoro is confused by Luffy at this point because he’s waited two hours to ask a seemingly mundane question, but this shows how important this is to Luffy for him to sit still and wait. He wants Zoro to have his full attention when answering his question, and only with Zoro’s permission did he go for the hug.

“Do hugs make you feel good?” Luffy asks, curious.  He knows Zoro doesn’t like touch like Luffy does, so it would be disappointing but not weird for Zoro to say no. “I—don’t—maybe?” Zoro squirms and it makes Luffy giggle as his muscles move underneath him.  “It’s—fine, I guess.” Luffy leans back in the hug so he can see Zoro’s face.  He’s still sweaty from his workout, and red from the exertion, but he’s scowling hard, his whole face pinched into it.  His glare is fixed on Luffy’s face, firm and unrelenting. Luffy studies him, looking for objection, for discomfort or dislike. He grins.”

Luffy values Zoro’s opinion on the hug because this is a step closer to figuring out the answer to his main question (if he wants to kiss Zoro). He is expectedly happy that Zoro finds no problem with his hug, and he is now able to act on his affections with hugs.  In addition, he tells Zoro to hug him back whenever he wants, showing that Luffy wants Zoro to be open with affection the way he is to Zoro.

As Luffy gets more comfortable with asking Zoro for hugs, he extends to other methods of physical touches like head pats, touches on the arms, putting sunscreen on the back, and holding his hands. Zoro is undoubtedly confused by this new behaviour but continues to indulge with Luffy’s every requests. Luffy notes the strange feelings in his body, his “heart squeezes hard in his chest and freezes the air in his lungs.” He eventually becomes greedy for Zoro’s touches, and asks for more.

His greed reaches a tipping point when he asks Zoro to sit on his lap during a dinner. Zoro’s confusion on Luffy’s behaviour turns into hurt and embarrassment, causing him to storm out of the establishment.

“I don’t get it,” Zoro says after a moment.  He’s staring at Luffy with—wait, what, that looks like—hurt, or embarrassment, or— “Why are you being so weird the last few days?” Luffy frowns.  “I’ve been asking.” “Yeah, and—” Zoro runs his hand through his hair, frustrated.  He glares at nothing, somewhere above their heads, and squeezes the hilt of his white sword.  “Forget this.  Someone should watch the ship.”

While Luffy is confused with the reaction, Zoro’s hurt and embarrassment is not surprising. I’ve held off from talking about Zoro’s point of view so far because we are not privy to much of his thoughts or feelings in comparison to Luffy’s openness and having his heart on his sleeve. However, Zoro’s frustration and pain at this moment quickly clicked with me because of what he’s seen from Luffy's behaviour so far. When Luffy was asking Nami to explain attraction, he was there to witness that conversation and watch Luffy get increasingly confused with Nami’s descriptions. He does not believe that Luffy understood what it was. Coupling this detail with Luffy’s frequent requests for closeness and affection, Zoro concludes that Luffy is doing this out of curiosity, unaware of how the touches made Zoro feel. In a way, he might have felt like his emotions are being played with, even if it was not Luffy’s intention.

With the encouragement of his friends, Luffy would ultimately decide that he doesn’t want to keep betting around the bush with getting an answer to his original question, and moves to go after Zoro to do what he wanted to do since the beginning. It is here that we reach the third (and final!) scene, in the crow’s nest where Luffy and Zoro will confess their feelings.

In the final scenario at the crow’s nest plays differently from the two former events in the crow’s nest, with Luffy now understanding what he wants and intending to share his direct and honest thoughts with Zoro.

He opens with saying “It’s pretty,” but this time, he’s looking at Zoro. He is setting an intention to make Zoro understand that he’s not talking about the stars, but about him. Zoro asks him why he’s been behaving strange the past few days, because Luffy was never the type of person to ask for permission about anything. Luffy’s explanation and build up with his inner turmoil throughout the story is revealed.

“I’ve never liked someone the way, like, Nami likes Vivi or Usopp likes Kaya.  I thought I didn’t get like that and I didn’t really care.  Except you…” “….And I started thinking about—how the way I like you feels different, how I notice things about you I don’t notice for anyone else, like the way you have nice hands or how you always clean your swords a certain way or when you like to shave, and I—“ Luffy scowls, because the words are kind of hard to say suddenly, “My favorite scar is the one you gave me, and sometimes I want to bite you so we match.”  “…So like, then I realized that I want you to look at me all the time, because no one looks at me like you do, and I want you to touch me all the time, because it feels different and good and stuff when you touch me.  It’s fun and I like it, and I want to touch you lots.” … (He really, really hopes that’s what Zoro wants too.) … (Oh—huh.  What if it’s not?) “…Nami said I should practice if I wasn’t sure what I wanted, and I did, so now I know what I want,” Luffy says, determined now that he’s said this much���the adrenaline in his veins feels a lot like nerves and he wants to laugh at his older self for scoffing at the idea.  Maybe Luffy’s laying his heart bare too, without even realizing it.  He flushes, looks Zoro in the eye, and smiles as big as he can.”

As a demisexual, Luffy does not start to develop feelings for a person unless he has a deep connection with them first. He may have many friends who he considers precious, but he’s been around Zoro the longest at this point of his journey to becoming a pirate king. He also matches with him in many aspects, operating from similar wavelengths and capable of having wordless conversations because they just understand each other that deeply. Luffy’s attraction to Zoro needed to take a long period of build up and slow realizations, perfectly timed and crafted by the author as they guide the readers from the start to the realization, and to the conclusion of Luffy’s romantic development. It started from the small observations, following by the realization that he wants Zoro differently that came much later after he’d gone through two major moments that recontextualized the way he sees Zoro.

Because Luffy is unsure about what to do with his romantic affections, he takes Nami’s suggestions to heart. Since Luffy has no previous understanding of romance or romantic gestures, he hesitates on what to do next. He’s only newly come to terms with his romantic feelings, therefore he struggles with asking Zoro for a kiss or how to initiate it.

As Luffy was about to ask Zoro for a kiss, his mouth is covered by his swordsman’s hand. It’s ironic how Luffy was told to ask permission when he’s unsure, and by asking for a kiss, he displays that he’s doubting himself as he asks for the kiss. Zoro doesn’t allow him to complete his question, showing Luffy that he does not need to doubt himself any longer. Putting a hand on the back of his neck, he captures his lips, and the moment reaches its eventual climax.

“Captain doesn’t need to ask me,” Zoro repeats, his voice rough and low and his breathing is ragged too.  “Captain should just take what he wants.”

When it comes to romance, Luffy started out not knowing of the feeling or how to deal with it, needing the guidance from his friends and explicit permission from Zoro to progress and do what he thinks is right. Romance is not an easy feeling to navigate, and it’s normal to feel the uncertainty and nervousness of the pressure to make it "feel right" when sharing your feelings and handling the overwhelming desires that comes from them.

Luffy was able to arrive to his answer and find the courage to share them, undoubtedly from the help of his friends, but also because he’s had plenty of time to reflect and sit with what he’s feeling and experiencing.

Found in the Crack of your Palm is a story about the slow yet steady build up of eventual romance and feeling it for the first time. The journey to the romance was eventful, but all it took was having the turning points to open the floodgates of the dormant feelings that was eager to be noticed. The moment can be as small as finding and feeling a scar on your bicep, a crack in your palm that opened the eyes to the realization that you’ve been wanting a certain someone to be a part of you as long as they can and forever if the stars allow for so. It’s the feeling of wanting to hold another person’s cracked palms and hands into your own as you take on the world together for all the challenges and joys that you both are about to experience, together.

[barbwillbrb]

OC Smash or Pass 🔥

Got tagged in this a couple times (thank you @commander-krios and @kimberbohwrites ❤️) and finally got a moment to fill this out. :3 Let’s do this thing.

First, no presh tags (sorry if you’ve been tagged multiple times!):

@ladyofcrowsandcoffee @matchabunbun @lemonsrosesandlavender @savriea @reverieblondie @redroomroaving @faerunsbest

Bringing out the bug guns for this— my boy Rackal Orro (I suck at taking screenshots and need to redo his BG3 run but have some art and a pic I took with my phone. Also see “tav: rackal” tag for more info/art with him).

Quick facts:

Half-drow (drow father, human barbarian mom; all of the height/strength comes from her)

Has a twin sister, Clairice

Oath of Devotion turned Oathbreaker (happens during game, but he’s been struggling with rules vs. justice/virtue for a while and beginning to think his oath is getting in the way of doing the right thing)

Former Flaming Fist; been freelance adventurer for the past five years after being discharged

Age: 52

Height: 6’11”; over 7’ in armor.

Sexuality: panromantic demisexual

Pronouns/sex: He/him, AMAB

Pros:

While rough around the edges and prone to impulsive decisions, Rackal has a heart of gold and ultimately wants to do the right thing. He has a very strong sense of justice, and protects the innocent/weak. Similarly, he will fight tooth and nail for his friends/loved ones.

Will fight in your honor/lay someone out if they cross a line.

Very observant/insightful with a good memory, Rackal is quick to see if something is wrong with a companion, but also has the sense to read their language/figure out what they want/need. Big caretaker energy; he looks after his people.

He is the quieter of the two siblings, but he always means what he says. He’s a terrible liar.

He has a soft spot for animals, especially dogs. Living in the city, he and his sister couldn’t have a dog— Scratch is the glue holding his sanity together in Act 1.

Very, very strong and will be insulted if you think he can’t carry you (will also prove you wrong).

He loves very deeply, both platonically and romantically; once you have a place in his heart you will never leave it.

He is an eager-to-please soldier who knows how to follow an order, has self-worth issues, and is desperate to prove himself worthy again. You will have many orgasms.

Similarly, he is observant and will read you like a book in the bedroom.

Has a tongue and dick piercing.

Cons

Prone to impulsive, reckless decisions— especially if the only allied party that could come to harm is himself. He’s not one to risk other’s wellbeing, but is more than willing to hurl himself into the fray. He has more than one close calls before his companions try to get to the root of this behavior (survivor’s guilt/suicidal tendencies).

The braincell goes out the goddamn window when he’s with his twin. He definitely licked the spider because she dared him to and he was not about to let her hold that over him.

Unfortunately because SOMEONE (*glares at Emp*) thought it was a brilliant idea to disguise themselves as Rackal’s dead lover, any romance with him will he a slower burn as he is getting jump scared by a ghost in his dreams/waking moments. If you’ve been a good friend/companion to him, you’d be able to start breaking down his walls after Emp’s reveals his identity.

Unfortunately, he is also very bad at communicating his own wants; if/when he starts to develop feelings for you, he’s going to keep them very close to himself out of 1) concern that he is imposing and 2) fear of rejection. He will wrestle with his feelings and whether to address them, especially with the chaos surrounding you. However, his behavior/actions will likely betray his feelings— always keeping an eye out for you, making space for you, remembering things about you, etc. If he starts collecting things/bringing items back to camp that he thought you might find interesting, he is GONE. Smitten.

The twins are determined to get their friends their happy endings; as such, Rackal goes to Avernus with Wyll and Karlach. He will come back and will wait for you if you’ll have him still, but he needs to do this for his friends.

Being with him means dealing with Clairice as well. This can be either a pro or con.

Know that if romanced and on a mission with him, he will do whatever he can to protect you. This means being potentially involved in one of his hare-brained, last minute gtfo escape plans. If he says “do you trust me,” this is not a question but a warning that something very dumb is about to happen and it’s gonna require 1) Featherfall, 2) a broken window, and 3) a “watch this!” directed at the Gods.

In order to ride this ride, some form of connection/feeling has to be there; Rackal is not really one for one-night-stands with strangers. He could be convinced into something casual with a very close, trusted friend, but honestly he will develop feelings on his end (would keep them likely to himself, tho, unless there is a chance they could be reciprocated).

Anyhoot, you guys know what to do! Smash (or other if smashing is n/a for you due to sexuality but you still wanna hang or something) or pass, Rackal Edition!

[nerves-nebula]

For years ive kind of favored demisexual/demiromantic above bi/pan to refer to myself because tbh it’s just more accurate. The way I’m attracted to people is nearly unrelated to gender. I could probably make a dozen things more important to me than the gender or physical appearance of my partner.

Gender presentation only matters so far as if someone is openly visibly queer I’m more interested because I know we might be thr same. But if it turns out they’re a shit person what does it matter what they look like. And like, I’m not interested romantically? I never deeply desired a relationship just from looking at someone, at most I just want to see more of you if I like being around you :/

I described my romantic feelings to a friend once as basically just being friendship but with more intimacy than a typical friendship and more of your life intertwined and he was like “that’s absolutely not what romantic feelings are they’re way different from friendship” and I’m beginning to think I might just be aromatic/asexual entirely, not demi. and i haven’t been able to tell because i deeply yearn for intimacy and I’m a bit possessive and so I figured that must mean I want romance or something.

But I’ve never had a crush. And I love my girlfriend but I probably couldn’t tell you the difference between my relationship with her and having a really close friend- because she’s my best friend! I adore her, but I never needed her to be in love with me. I never need sex or even really romance. We’ve been on one “date” to see sonic 2, and mostly we just hang out like we always have just with occasional kissing and some sexual activity. My ideal relationship has always been being best friends and deciding to intertwine your lives, which is basically what happened, and I knew that would always be seen as romantic to outsiders so I didn’t realize until recently that like… there’s no specifically romantic feelings here??? It’s just closeness? Intimacy? And I can easily see myself developing this kind of closeness with any of my friends if they do desired??

Anyway I think it’s time I stopped kidding myself. I’m not Demi, I just have really high standards about who I keep around in my life and get close to in general. My standards for friends and partners are exactly the same because there isn’t much of a difference when it comes to who I want present in my life.

I don’t catch feelings when I’m close to someone, I just get relaxed around them, which feels nice and so I equated it with romantic emotions. But once I got more friends I realized that warm fuzzy feeling wasn’t romantic attraction!! Because im aromantic!!!!

I guess it’s pretty cliche to come out during pride month but in my defense I didn’t realize this until i wrote this post. I was supposed to be musing on why I prefer demi to other labels and basically just talked myself into identifying as aromantic. Oops.

I’m probably also asexual but I already basically knew that.

[layzeal]

What are some of the things that are ace codesd abt wwx? I don’t hear much abt and and am curious!

HIII, okay so as always, "coded" isn't really the right word since it implies authorial intent, but i often use it anyway bc who cares it's my blog. just know i don't think wwx is actually canonically supposed to be demi, it's just a headcanon from silly ol' me!

i do have a #demi-wwx tag you can check if u'd like too hehe

now, what makes wwx come off as SO incredibly acespec/demisexual for me is his approach to... well, relationships in his first life. he's a flirt! he likes teasing people! he likes watching them blush! he likes getting a reaction! but as lwj questions him in the xuanwu cave about, it all seems like very much a game to him, something he does without actual intention, unaware of the torment he might be putting others (lwj) through

i often see people say that wwx didn't date or that wangxian didnt get together in his first life because "they had other things going on" and "there was no time", but that's not only innacurate to post-sunshot, it genuinely comes off to me as if wwx simply has no romantic or sexual interest in anyone at all. granted, he has an eye for pretty things and people, and is VERY vocal about whenever he finds others beautiful. lwj is a common target, but far from the only one!

basically, for as loud as flirty as he can be, we know that's never really genuine. there's no second-intentions or desire in his words (hell, he had even been saving first first kiss for twenty years!!), even when it comes to lwj. and the way we know it is by comparing it all to how he acts, thinks and feels after he's ACTUALLY experiencing attraction for the first time!

but what does have to do with him being demi? and what makes, in my mind, wwx so much more demi coded than lwj for example, whose entire romantic arc is only falling in love with one person?

well, that would be that despite the way it's been romanticized, demisexuality has nothing to do with "only falling in love once". devotion isn't acespec exclusive, choosing to love a single person in your life isn't acespec exclusive. demisexuality is simply a term to describe the specific conditions a relationship might need for an asexual person to experience attraction. those conditions? a strong emotional bond (which is why so many demi ppl are described as "only being able to fall in love with your best friend")

and to me, that's what sells wwx as demisexual the most. he's had so many friends, classmates, xiongdi, and all sorts of companions in his life, but none of them were particularly... emotionally fulfilling. other than perhaps shijie, who he saw more like a mother and sister, there was no one else who he could truly lean on and trust, open up, and be vulnerable with. for many people, that's not a barrier that gets in the way of developing romantic or sexual interest in someone at all, and that's great!! (we see it with lwj himself, who spent so many of his teenage years frustrated for liking wwx and had to slowly realize why that wasn't shameful or a bad thing. lwj's attraction not only came before there was any significant bond between them, it directly blocked it from forming earlier due to lwj's constant avoidance of wwx!)

but for demi people, and for wei wuxian, it is a barrier. it's almost comical just how fast and deeply wwx fell in love with lwj once he opened up to him. it is the most visible in wwx's second life, but i do find there are inklings here and there to it in his first, especially after wwx and lwj get to spend some pleasant time together (ie. post-phoenix mountain and post-yiling date with a-yuan)

but it really does become the most obvious after the yi city arc (drunkji 2 my belovedddd). by that point, their friendship and closeness was already solid, and wwx is already crushing HARD, but isn't quite aware of it yet. it isn't until post-jinlitai stab (and his flashback to his and lwj's youth, how they fell apart and how lwj was only ever worried for him) that he starts pondering if these feelings might be... more than just fondness. and boy do i eat it UUUUUP

it wasn't until wei wuxian got that reassurance of trust and closeness that his feelings truly started to develop. i genuinely cannot imagine a wei wuxian who falls in love with someone who he genuinely believes hates him, and it's actually something i believe stopped wwx from developing deep feelings for lwj in his first life. we know how much all his rejections and their disagreements hurt wwx, and in the back of his mind, he always thought lwj disapproved of him, maybe even disliked him. there was no trust, and it smothered any small, warm little inkling of romantic love from sparking into a flame

so when wwx finds himself with a lwj who is indulgent, who wants to be close, who protects him, comforts him, listens to him, and won't ever let him fall... well, you can't blame him for daydreaming about a calm farm life by his side, or being embarrassed for acting so shameless while still pretending to be mxy, or wishing from the bottom of his heart that even if lwj doesn't love him back, he'll still stay next to him

he only ever wanted lwj to be his friend, and now he's the closest and most intimate one he's ever had. and he treats him so well... all the barriers have fallen, how could wei wuxian not fall too?

(and i didnt rly get into it but this all applies to physical attraction as well! wwx behaves and sees lwj's beauty through two different lenses in his first and second life, and wwx himself noticed the difference from when he could see lwj's nakedness back then without batting an eye VS now. it's hilarious, endearing, and EXTREMELY relatable!!)

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

Hi sex witch, i realise that this is not an actual sex ed related question and I hope this isn't overstepping any bounds.

I'm sort of in a weird spot right now a la my sexuality and am trying to figure out if I actually want a relationship and if what I feel is romantic attraction or Friendship levelled up. I've known for a long time that I'm Demisexual or Ace, and I thought I knew that I still felt romantic attraction but now I'm less sure.

How did you come to realise that you were aromantic? In that discovery did you ever wonder if it was a sort of 'mental block' or something similar that would be better off working through? (I ask because I'm sort of stuck in that state of mind right now, and I'm just curious to see if it's a common experience or not)

I realise that this is a fairly sensitive topic, and I really don't mean offense by asking.

I also realise that no two people's experiences will be the same but I was interested in hearing about it from another person's perspective.

I hope you have a great day whether or not you give this ask the time of day.

I've asked you other things in the past and it's always been brilliantly helpful. Thanks a lot for everything you do.

hi anon,

no worries about overstepping boundaries :) this is a pretty reasonable thing to ask of someone, and I'm happy to talk about it!

there's a funny story that I tell about the moment I probably should have known, but didn't yet have the language. in sixth grade my class had an assignment that involved making a collage timeline of the rest of our lives (a proto-vision board of sorts) and I think I was the only kid in the class who didn't put getting married on my timeline. everyone else did, as far as I can remember, and most of them also included having kids. being a pedantic little fuck I pointed out to several of my friends that it was really unreasonable to assume they would find someone they liked enough to marry who liked them back, to which everyone told me (paraphrasing) to shut the fuck up and stop being a little bastard.

but it still seemed very strange to me, because even when I was very young - back when I barely had the language to conceptualize being gay, let alone aromantic - I never imagined my life with a romantic partner. romantic pairings were interesting in stories, sure, I ate that shit up from a very young age! the star-crossed lovers shit going on in American Dragon: Jake Long did a number on my developing brain, and my Barbies and Littlest Pet Shops got up to INSANE relationship drama, but for myself it never really felt, like, relevant? not unpleasant, just uninteresting.

but I still had crushes on people as I grew up, and more importantly I had crushes on people of various genders, so during my teen years I was WAY more preoccupied with repressing my burgeoning bisexuality than drawing any conclusions about my romantic orientation

spoilers: the bisexuality won.

in college I had a friend who identified as asexual at the time, who spent maybe a year trying to convince me that I was aromantic. and I didn't want to hear it! I don't know why, honestly; maybe some part of me, despite loving the community I had found coming into my queerness, was still subconsciously afraid of being too different and grappling with the consequences.

so instead I did this uuuuh real dirtbag thing where instead of just acknowledging to myself that I was pretty fundamentally uninterested in romantic relationships and that that's fine, I spent the first half of college leaning hard on self-deprecation to explain my single status. oh, me? why aren't I dating? well, I'd probably be a really bad partner. yeah, I suck. I mean, I'm so busy all the time! and I'm weird.

(at the time I know I definitely had friends who assumed I was Like That because my parents were divorced, which is hilarious old-fashioned and also categorically untrue. I was Like This way before my parents got divorced!)

it actually took a relationship ending pretty badly to make peace with the idea that maybe I didn't want a relationship at all. I won't get into the details on that, because it involves another person and we were both very young and accidentally hurt each other a lot in ways we didn't mean and I don't think anyone was the villain, but I don't want it to come across like I had one bad breakup and then swore off romance, a thing I'd previously been interested in, forever. it was more like I found myself in a really heightened situation - they really desperately needed a good and attentive romantic partner after getting out of a bad relationship, I wanted our friendship to stay exactly the same but with a sexual component - that made very, very obvious what I was actually looking for in non-platonic relationships. which was, I guess, actually pretty platonic relationships, but with genitals involved.

haha just kidding, I actually didn't get that part through my skull until I spent an entire summer crying constantly, dissociating frequently, and spending way too much time on BAD dates having even worse sex that made me feel gross! but we got there eventually.

that part probably isn't super relatable to you if you're somewhere in the ace realm, sorry about that.

anyway, once the dust settled and I felt halfway human again I was feeling vulnerable and open to change - finally willing to see myself in a new way and reckon with parts of myself that I hadn't been before. I remembered what my buddy had always said about me seeming Really Aromantic, and I let it settle on me. how would I feel, if I actually was aromantic? how would it change my life, how I thought about myself?

and if I can use a cliche with you? it felt like a weight rolling off my shoulders. I suddenly had a whole sturdy base to build a better understanding of myself on, an easy way to justify the way I lived that didn't require throwing myself under a bus.

thinking of myself through the lens of aromanticism felt like a huge, HUGE relief, and frankly I think that, more than anything, is the best way for anyone to decide if they should be applying any identity label to themselves. which brings us back to you! I actually don't believe in the model of sexuality and gender that posits a secret innate Right Answer buried in each person that they'll discover if the just find the right terminology. all of the words we use are the result of our time and place, right? people like us existed all through history with different words for themselves, and they'll exist way after us calling themselves things we can't imagine.

so basically: I came to realize I was aromantic because calling myself aromantic felt like loving myself, and if that's the case for you than I strongly recommend you do it, too.

happy pride xoxo

[honest-moth-of-silver-grove]

Thank you so much for opening up matchups, I always love seeing my results! As for myself, I’m an asexual girl who’s somewhere on the aromantic spectrum. I adore history, reading, tea, writing, ice skating, art and sewing!

I’m pretty introverted and can get quickly drained being in large social groups or gatherings so I tend to prefer small hangouts or just time spent with one individual. When I really click with a person though I don’t find myself drained and can get pretty touchy and talkative! I have ocd, some past trauma and anxiety issues so if I did have a partner I would hope that they would be open to those parts of me and willing to be there for me when dealing with anything related to that. (And if they had that I’d do anything to help them work through it or just to help them feel comfortable and safe!)

I’m pretty easy going and relaxed for the most part although I am told I can be a bit blunt and that it looks like I’m always glaring (I’m not). I’m pretty upfront in setting boundaries and letting people know what I am comfortable with or not. While I do enjoy easygoing and light conversations, I also appreciate deep and intellectually stimulating discussions (or even just taking the piss out of someone).

Honestly as long as someone is open to engaging with my interests, is there for me both physically (not sex) and emotionally, and accepts me, then I’d be content! I’d be happy with that person no matter what (aka gender and orientation aren’t factors in whether I would like someone or not) although I would hope they are a more clean and tidy person or at least can learn to be one.

A/N: For you @amefuyuu, I’m thinking your best Baldur’s Gate 3 match would be Gale! 

☸ Gale is the right person for you! There’s been some discussion of the lack of ace representation in Baldur’s Gate, however, I read a very interesting Twitter thread that suggested that the characters of Gale and Asatrion could be interpreted as asexual if you squint. Astarion because he’s endured so much trauma, and in Gale’s case because his character makes a point to be clear that what he wants isn’t “just sex”, and that love and romance for him is something much deeper, much more spiritual than anything we could understand in just the physical realm. I’m not sure Larian would label Gale as asexual outright; instead, I believe it’s meant to be up for your interpretation. In this case, I see Gale as greysexual/demisexual. For him, sex is only wanted or a positive thing if he's developed a true romantic connection first. That being said, I think he’d also truly value a mostly aromantic companion, as long as your relationship is based on mutual respect/admiration and communication. He’s been holed up in that tower of his in Waterdeep for so long, so alone. He needs a companion he can't open up to. A companion he can enjoy quiet studying with. Someone who won't judge him too harshly for the mistakes of his past; someone who can see past his shortcomings into the kind of man he could be. And in return, I’d imagine he’d do the same. 

Gale loves history! He’s a bit of a history buff himself. Sure, most of it pertains to the history of magic or The Weave, but he’s also quite knowledgeable about the history of Waterdeep. He’d love exchanging knowledge with you- you tell him what you know of your world and he’ll tell you what he knows of his. And reading, oh my goodness! The man practically has his own private library back home with hundreds of tomes dedicated to all sorts of subjects. And although he may initially be hesitant to admit it, he has an entire section dedicated to nonfiction. 

Gale would love nothing more than to spend a beautiful sunny afternoon with you outside his home in Waterdeep, picnicking and having tea while you each sit in each other’s company, reading your respective favorite books. When the weather turns colder, he’d love to go ice skating with you. Well, he’d like to watch you ice skate, while he keeps his feet firmly planted on the ground beyond the rink. He’s not the smoothest of people. But that doesn’t mean he won’t go above and beyond to make it happen for you! Even conjuring an ice rink himself with a spell if he has to. If it really makes you that happy, then it’s worth it to him. 

Gale may not be the finest connoisseur of art, but he does enjoy showing off the things you create. And he’s very happy someone between the two of you knows how to sew. It’s also so bothersome to rip a hole in your clothes after an adventure or battle and need to go all the way to a tailor to get them fixed. 

Gale prefers smaller crowds as well. And he comes with his fair share of trauma- being raised by a single mother, his fallout from his unbalanced relationship with Mystra, to being infected with a Mind-Flayer parasite. He can be rather anxious himself, which is why he tends to talk in circles sometimes. He’s not always trying to be elusive, it’s just that it can be hard openly admitting your feelings when you don't know if the audience is right. He won’t ever judge you for the things you deal with, be it your anxiety or OCD. He knows he has his fair share of quirks and absolute ‘no-nos’ that most partners would find a bit annoying. He’s extremely grateful for how patient you are with him. He understands, even more so with you by his side, that healthy relationships are give and take across the board. Everyone has their moments. Everyone takes their turn. And that’s alright. It just means you’re human. (Or you know, whatever humanoid Faerun creature you happen to be!)

Typically easygoing himself, Gale is happy you’re not overly boisterous like Karlach. He too prefers more stimulating conversations. (He also secretly enjoys ribbing those he’s closer to, and he’s a fairly big fan of puns. But it might take a while for him to reveal those little fun facts to you.)

And while his workspace might be a bit messy, he’s more tidy than not. Granted, things may get strewn about here and there after a night of spell research, but he makes a point to eventually put things back where they came from. He learned this the hard way when he left a book out on his bed only to come back to it to find Tera sleeping soundly on its open pages. He was forced to wait for hours to finish his spell! All because he didn’t want to wake her by retrieving the book. (He has since done what he can to ‘tressym proof’ his home lol.) 

Honestly, Gale doesn’t mind not having sex. He’s used to it. He just really misses the other kinds of physical affection: hugs, pats on the back or shoulder. Touch can be so healing and grounding, but it’s hard to get any of that when you isolate yourself in a tower for years. He’s very pleased you care enough about him to give him that much. 

He thinks himself so blessed to have you in his life. 

[faithfromanewperspective]

today's mood: a mess of a dreamer with the nerve to adore you. demisexual/demiromantic diaries

i've heard the best way to figure out your sexuality and stuff is to just ask yourself what you want in life. and honestly, for me, that's more tied to my neurobiology than anything else and I finally, thank God, think I've got that figured out to a manageable point. and i hear stories of people who've figured out from the youngest age what they want. i'll never be with a man or i'll never be with a woman or i'll never be with anyone. but i thought i was allo for the longest time. and there are people i'm attracted to, yes, i'm attracted to a range of people and a range of genders but more and more as I'm older this attraction never gets a chance to grow and develop into something actually tangible. I remember when it didn't have to grow. when I was so new to the world and unharmed by it that I thought anyone at all could understand me and I'd never feel scared around them. and I remember the attraction when it'd come it'd come fast and I'd be head over heels and get flustered and it would be awkward and it would be fun. now all i feel is fondness and i just long for that soul connection.

because when i was young it would go from zero to however close to a hundred it would get, i guess, and i'd weigh it up, how much do i like them, would it really last long enough to act on it or will i tire of this person? and most the time it's be okay they're cool for the first little while but. it's not enough to keep me intrigued, if i think about it, and i would move on, move schools or get a new crush, no regrets. but then one time it just went to a hundred and kept going and it was like the song everything has changed, it felt like that every single day. and sometimes i'd notice someone else and like them for a bit too, but those secondary crushes would whittle away quite quickly and then they'd eventually stop coming. in the same way at least. i got lured in by cuteness and kindness and a relatability that hit something I didn't even know existed then, I just remember at 12 thinking 'i could marry this person'. that was over a decade ago now. then I learned you can care about someone so much that your chest hurts and you can read all their feelings and feel them as your own. I've done that subsequently with other people too, but it's always been platonic. ever since. and i ran from those feelings like the little escapist I am. I was always good at running. maybe you can get jinxed by the sport you train in and the double meanings of words.

and it's been interesting to watch it play out over the last decade or so, how little 12yo me was onto something. I didn't even know what I wanted to do with my life. didn't know what urban design was or how it could fill the longing to have an impact with my life while be creative and use things like science and communication as well. didn't know how when I did i'd always have this longing in the back of my mind, I could see myself with another urban designer, who went into it for the same reasons I did, saving the world together through streetscapes is the most romantic and sexy thing i can think of. i didn't know that i'd see this embodied right in front of me, we'd grow up forever rooted in the cultish community of our high school days even when both of us always wanted more in life and went wherever we would get it. but at the time I was so far in denial because that never happens does it?? i'd tell myself not to be so dramatic about a high school crush. and i'm not sure if i'll regret it forever or I'll thank my own stupidity for being the thing that prevented building something that would end up blowing up in both of our faces.

and i have liked other people since. it's strange and kind of sad to think about, how i'll have a lovely friend and be like i could see us go through all of these stages slowly, fall in love slowly, get to know each other and care even more and maybe i'll give it a go. if it weren't for the whole urban design thing maybe i would've by now. if i didn't feel like I have this divine purpose that everything else is secondary to; I can do it, I know I can, maybe I will. but when I do I'll always remember how it felt. what i can't describe as anything else but starlight flowing through my veins and enabling me to do things that I generally can't; executive function and packed schedules and not being too anxious to sleep all the time and derailing it, I was still packed with nerves but I felt like I was floating and I could genuinely do anything I put my mind too on top of everything else I was told and it wasn't an irritable, desperate kind of hypomania (that i've since experienced) either; i genuinely felt so light apart from the crushing moments that felt like rejection but even then--there as this amazing creative mind right next to me and it kind of had me just get going, get creating, go for runs to burn off the rest of the energy and I did that yesterday for the first time since because I was remembering, I was hoping for this again. and i have a life i've built with friends around me I have a persona for but every time I travel alone to a new city I think of this.

and i wonder, is it ever fair to invite anyone new into this? at least, until I get some sort of closure, some sort of answer to this energy I've felt for over a decade and the vibes i can read from something as simple as the smallest snippet of behaviour on social media? I can fall in love again, I know I can, I know it'll be deliberate and adult but it does feel nice, I've felt the start of it with someone new but it's slow this time, and is it even worth trying it when I remember all this and I will every time I design a city with love for its people and land that bring a creativity to solve their problems; I'm not kidding when I say it'll impact how productive I can be when I've felt this lasting high before and I've dosed myself up on more dexamphetamine than my body can handle for long. i've met all the criteria for hypomania. and nothing compares to when my brain just goes stupid over some guy who can draw. all of a sudden i can face anything and there isn't a problem I can't solve. and now i don't know what attraction is aside from that. It can come, I know it can, but it's high time I also stop running. take a chance on something I had long told myself religious trauma and forced academic competition had taken away from me. because i'm okay if it doesn't work out, but having just half of this energy, feeling someone else's energy so strongly--it's the curiosity, almost, that kills me more than anything else. the unexpressed love. i tell myself that when I get it out I'll be free to love someone else but I think it's self-regenerating, every time i do something that slightly reminds me. my heart is big enough for more. but maybe it's more effective if I let it channel what it's wanted to do since I was 12?

[aspec-paradise]

Hope it's okay for me to add on my experiences as someone who identifies as greyplatonic! (I have not found a more specific label that fits my experience unfortunately)

Growing up I always had a really hard time making friends. I had a genuine desire for friends, I wanted to fit in *somewhere* but struggled anyways. I have always ended up having a very small few of friends that I would put on a "true friend" level. Meaning I experience strong genuine platonic feelings for very few people. I enjoy having friends! I enjoy talking to people! I genuinely care about people overall! But as far as "ahh I really want to spend time with them, I really want to talk to them, I really wanna hang out and do things", those only apply to a few people.

And because I'm demisexual/romantic as well, when I do form those strong platonic feelings, it's very likely I'll also develop crushes on them at some point or another. My childhood best friend who I still absolutely love and adore, I had the BIGGEST crush on him from like age 4-5 to around 15. (I've also mistaken strong platonic feelings as romantic crushes)

To put it plainly, it seems like my platonic attraction is "all or nothing". When I experience it, it's super strong. When I've lost some of those few friends to reach that level, or been "friend dumped" , it felt like genuine terrible heart break. It's sent me into horrible panic attacks a few times.

So yeah! I enjoy having friends, I desire friends, and I definitely experience loneliness. Because I would really like to have one of those close bonds close by, rather than my childhood best friend who lives far away now or it be someone who I can only talk to online.

When I do not have those strong platonic feels for someone: I still like talking to them, hanging out with them if applicable, I still care about their well-being, but I won't put as much effort to go out of my way to make time for them unless they specifically request it and I have the spoons and time to accommodate it. Doesn't mean I'll ignore them (intentionally) or anything, but the /drive/ isn't there. It also doesn't mean that I put all friends who aren't in that "special category" all on the same "level". Ofc I value long time friends, people who I relate to more and share common interests with. There doesn't seem to be a ""reason"" that makes me platonically fall for some people and not others.

Hope this helps, too!

hi! I'm aro n like really new to the community n im wondering what it feels like to be aplatonic? I don't think I am, but I just don't understand it very well and I want to understand better.

like do you dislike having platonic relationships, or just don't have an urge for them? n how do you cope with loneliness, if you experience that at all? also just what does it feel like 😭

i hope none of this came off as rude or anything im just genuinly curious, even without understanding it I respect yall but I find it interesting n stuff

Not rude at all, no worries!

For me, I don't hate having platonic relationships, but I also don't have any desire for them. I also have a way lower social battery for friends than most people. So if someone wants to be my friend, I'm down for that, but they have to be willing to respect that I won't want to spend nearly as much time with them as most people would with their friends. Because of how little time I can comfortably spend with friends, I can really only stand to have one or two at a time, unless they were genuinely okay with spending time with me very rarely.

I don't really experience loneliness at all. I have some need for socialization, but it can be entirely fulfilled by interacting with people on social media or discord servers, or sometimes by watching/hearing other people socialize (like in a podcast or YouTube video). I've said before that as long as I had internet, I could never see or speak to another person again and be perfectly happy, and I really do believe that.

I generally just fundamentally can't understand the way most people feel about friendship (at least on an emotional level). Things like being really sad about losing a friendship, desperately longing for friends, and wanting to spend a bunch of time with friends and talk to them all the time just don't make any sense to me. Talking to friends every day and hanging out with them more than like once a week sounds exhausting and miserable to me. Logically, I know why other people want these things and feel so strongly about them and I can respect that, but I can't imagine ever wanting that or feeling like that myself.

[overwheat]

This is just a venting, putting feels into words and off my chest post.

In the end I'll know I'll be fine, just gotta feel my feels, continue to work on managing my emotions and just take things one day at a time.

---------

Being self aware of your emotional triggers, while a good thing, really sucks when they randomly get hit by such little things and throws you off cause now you're emotionally down while mentally working to not let your thoughts spiral and dramatically overthink everything.

The big one for me that's been hitting lately, probably due to it being winter and holiday season now (woo seasonal depression), has been seemingly getting sidelined and ignored by people which makes me feel excluded, like I'm not wanted and so my fear of abandonment goes off.

When those feelings overtake me all I instinctively want to do is just withdraw from everything and isolate myself but, having figured out it was a coping mechanism I developed as a kid, I've grown to really not like doing it.

For me I know it can be a good thing to do for a little while to process emotions and such but, I also know it can turn long-term which is the part I don't like and am afraid of doing cause I don't wanna shut people out.

-----

I was on my own a lot growing up due to my mom and first step-dad working all the time and throughout elementary and middle school I had almost no friends so I was rarely invited to anything and got bullied a lot.

I wasn't aware of the impact this would have on me at that time and didn't realize how lonely I actually was until High School when the friend group I became a part of did stuff together constantly, hung out everyday after school and on weekends and this continued after graduating and well into our twenties, it was awesome.

Suddenly I had a group of people that included me and wanted me there, it was a sense of family I hadn't experienced until then and slowly over the last decade I've been realizing how fucked my childhood really was.

Now being in my mid-thirties, most everyone I'm still friends with from then and my early twenties have other priorities in their own families, spouses, careers with differing schedules and personal projects they focus on so we're not doing stuff all the time like we used to.

I am genuinely happy for all of them, I fully understand that life happens and it's not like I'm expecting them to make me a priority or anything.

It's just with being single (have been my entire adult life) and better understanding what I went through in my childhood, that feeling of loneliness is back cause I'm mostly on my own again.

I can function fine on my own and be perfectly content with entertaining myself since that was my entire childhood, so it's not that I have a hard time doing that, it's just that it's all I ever really knew until High School and since having gotten that experience of being with people that wanted me around and included me, I really don't want to go back to being that alone.

Logically I know none of what I'm feeling is really true but seeing everyone I know finding love, success and striving in their personal growth I feel like I'm falling behind and being outgrown. I feel like I'm not good enough for anyone to be deeply close to, to be a constant part of their life, I feel like I'm not wanted around anymore and that I'm easily replaced and that I don't matter to anyone.

I know it's not fair to myself to compare where I'm at with others but emotions do what emotions do and when these feelings manage to hit, they hit painfully hard and makes pulling myself out difficult.

----

Earlier this year I found out about and figured out that I identify as demisexual, which made a lot of past experiences make so much more sense and why it always felt like I was constantly late to the party in wanting to woo anyone.

It just takes me longer to know if I actually have a romantic interest in someone since I need a strong emotional connection with them. Also explains why I've always been a fan of the friends to lovers trope in media.

With most of my past experiences by the time the realization I was interested happened, the other person was already romantically unavailable.

Ultimately in life I really want someone to be partners with, not just in a romantic relationship.

I want a best friend to go on random adventures with, to snuggle up and watch shows and movies, to sleep & wake up next to, a partner in crime, someone to love and be loved by, someone to fully trust can be there for me and for them to have that trust in me when either of us need support and for us to want and put in the work on growing and building our partnership and individual selves, someone to just experience life with and come home to and talk about our day.

I want to be emotionally and intimately wanted and to know, to trust, that want is genuine and to give that feeling to someone in return.

I am absolutely terrified though that I'll never have that experience, forever be the third wheel and that I'll die as alone as I was growing up.

[emrysxdragon]

sexuality crisis: aroace? help 🥺

hey there guys... I've been struggling with something for months and well, maybe someone relates or has experienced something similar and can help me...

I've been struggling with my sexuality for year. With 15 I came out as bisexual. But my interest in sex is very complicated... so much later, with 20 I labeled myself as demisexual. But then with 23, I questioned myself again and thought what if I am a lesbian?? As things got too much I just went unlabeled, as queer, till this day. And now I am questioning again: acearo? or biromantic ace? lesbian ace? To understand my situation, I'll try to describe as best as I can what I'm going through.

As I said, I've been questioning my sexuality for year. I've been in situations before with guys, where things could've turned into something sexual, but as soon as it went further then kissing I felt disgusted and really afraid and uncomfortable. So the question of being ace has been in my mind for years, but I kinda always thought "ah, once you find the right person things will get easier" needless to say, this never happened. Sexual situations have and always will make me uncomfortable, it's a fact. But, I do enjoy reading smut fanfictions, talking about sex or watching it. I just can't imagine myself doing it. Even when I have some "me time" (yes I mean masturbation) I never think about myself in a sexual situation, but about made up person's (mostly fictional characters/ships) like I'm the third pov. I tried to imagine it with myself, but I'm literally unable to do it, my mind immediately refuses to think like that. So yeah, even tho I have a hard time accepting it, I'm pretty sure these are all signs of being ace. But then, there are girls. I thought okay, maybe men just don't do it for me, but even when I tried to imagine myself with a girl, it didn't work. Thinking about having sex with a girl is not as bad as the thought with a guy, but still, I don't that comfortable with it. I'd love to have sex with a girl, in theory, but I don't think I'd go through with it in a real situation. Besides all that, I do enjoy kissing people! Both genders, but I enjoy kissing girls much much more. I tolerate guys, but mostly I wish they were a girl hahaha. (Okay what else-I'm trying to think about everything that could be a help in figuring myself out, which is pretty difficult-)...

Oh yeah-I had crushes before, I think? I mean I'm pretty sure they were crushes. Both guys and girls. And even tho those crushes were there, nothing ever came out of it. Either my crush wasn't interested or, I suddenly lost my interest. For example, there was this girl (we'll just use the initial M). I met M through a friend and when I first saw her I was like "God she's beautiful" and I think I developed a crush on her. I was sooo nervous around her. I daydreamed about how our relationship could be like, because we were so much alike! Both obsessed with fictional characters, fanfictions and stuff like that. So we met up for the first time, and I was so freaking nervous, but I did it. And after a while, the nervousness faded because I realized she was not going to act on anything romantic or sexual, for her, it was just two friends hanging out and that relaxed me a lot. Next time we met up, i was still thinking about a romantic relationship with her, but then we spend two days together, did a reading marathon, went on a walk in a beautiful forest and just enjoyed each others company, I realized that the thought of cuddling with her or holding hands, didn't do anything to me, so the crush kinda just... faded. Weeks later we went clubbing together, got drunk and yes, the first kiss happened. I was really happy about that and freaked out, in a good way! But then, the more sober I got, the more I thought "yes, I enjoyed kissing her but I don't think I could ever feel anything romantic or act on something sexual, even tho I really want to" And now, the crush is entirely gone. Okay, not really true, sometimes I catch myself thinking "what if?" but also, I think I may be in love with the idea of how things could be between us, because we're so alike, and not really with her? Like- I love the idea how it could be. And realizing this, made me question a lot. All my old crushes. I feel like it's always been like this. Like I was always in love with the idea of it, but never with the person. I've never really fallen madly, deeply in love or been in a relationship, and I always thought it's because I haven't met the right person yet. But maybe, it was never about them, but about me? Another example: Just a few weeks ago I met another girl (initals B). B and I met at work, and after just a few days she told me she's interested in me and I said the same. Things went well, we flirted said stuff like "wish I could be in your arms and kiss you" etc. But all through texting over weeks. And when we met in person again, and ended up cuddling I once again felt slightly uncomfortable and thought "what the hell are you doing? You do not like her like that" and I broke it off, like I always do as soon as shit gets real. The thing is, I kinda enjoy cuddling but my mind never shuts up. I am always overthinking like- "am I laying alright? Do I move too much? Am I comfortable? Is she comfortable? Do I breath weird? What should I do? Move my arm? Push closer? Further away? Kiss her? Do nothing? Pet her arm? Hold her hand? Is this right? Am I doing it right? Why do I feel like I am doing everything wrong? I don't like this? I wanna move but don't want her to feel bad. Am I enjoying it?" and so on. It's a real struggle. The only time I enjoy cuddling is when I'm drunk. Because then my mind is silent, but as soon as I'm sober, I don't feel comfortable at all... The kissing tho, that's fine, but also mostly only happens when I'm drunk. I kissed like 20 people in my life, but only ever experienced one kiss while I was sober. It was with a girl I met over a dating app. We went on a date, and then she kissed me under the night sky, under the stars like in a romantic movie and it felt so freaking good. But I ended the kiss because I didn't feal comfortable going any further. So yes, I enjoy kissing but nothing more...

Okay so much about my past.

Moving on to how I am feeling right now.

I started reading loveless by alice oseman a few days ago and just after 19 pages marked half the book with a highlighter because "oh haha that's me I totally relate". The book is about a acoaro girl. And only after reading those 19 pages, I cried and cried and cried. Why? Because I saw so much of myself in this character and it scared me so much.

Ever since I was a child, I've been obsessed with books. Especially the kinds with lots of romance and all kinds of tropes (enemies to lovers, friends to lovers, slow burn, sharing a bed, hurt/comfort, soulmates etc) and I always, always dreamed about finding my own love one day. I am obsessed with fanfictions and ships, always have been. And I always thought "when is it my turn? Will I ever experience the feeling of being loved? Of laying in my lovers arms?" and now, being confronted with the possibility of never having this because I am just unable to feel it? That hurts a lot. And makes it almost impossible to accept. No matter how much I want to be in a relationship, I don't think I can do it. I wanna do couple things but not be a couple with anyone, not really, I think? I want a relationship but at the same time I don't. I want a person or partner to cuddle with and kiss and fall asleep but maybe in a friend way and not always? Only when I am a hundred percent sure and comfortable. I still want dates and stuff, spending time with one particular person like a relationship but not really a relationship? Like without the commitment of a relationship and without the sexual stuff? But also I am really not sure. Maybe I could feel something romantic or sexual with the right person? If I get to know them enough, like maybe after a few years I could develop those feelings? I have no freaking idea. I just really wish that one day I'll meet someone and I will feel something romantic towards them or even sexual because I want to experience those feelings but I feel like it will never happen because I just can't imagine myself in a situation like that- I just can't. No matter how hard I try, just thinking about having sex with someone, even just for a second, my mind goes blank and I'm physically not able to imagine it (with an old crush or person I think is attractive or even a fictional character).

We all have a dream of what our future should look like, no matter how unrealistic. Mine has always been like that: cottagecore vibes. living in a beautiful house by a lake, near or in a forest. with lots of animals and of course my horse. growing my own food in the garden. reading a lot, and writing. being one with nature and enjoying life. (of course I'd still work, but idk as what hahah) but- I was never alone in this dream future. There was always a woman with me. But I never really thought about it-if it's romantic or platonic? I don't know. But then again when I imagine this in my head, I try to see myself but it's a different version of me, like, not really me but at the same time it is me, or I wish it was me? I just know, I wish for a future with a woman by my side. I just don't know if I am able to get it, if I am able to feel something for them. Or if this whole "wish future thinking" is once again a product of the "I'm in love with the theory and idea but in reality I would feel uncomfortable and not enjoy it, because it's literally always like that"

I've been having these thoughts for years and yes, some friends have told me "hey, this sounds pretty ace for me, are you sure that this is not you?" but as soon as they told me I was like "oh no no no! It's not me. I just haven't found my person yet!" and that's it, I immediately pushed that thought away. But now I'm like... you're born gay. you're born a lesbian. you're born a bisexual, asexual and so on. You do not choose it, it's just who you are. Sure, you can choose what label you feel comfortable with, but you do not just wake up and randomly be like "yes, I am gay now" it's always been there, even when it was hidden and only came out later. It's who you are. And maybe, I should learn to accept it, accept me. I don't have control over the way I am born.. But as I said before, it's so incredibly hard for myself to accept that everything i read about, the romance and sexual attraction, I'll never experience. Because it's not for me. Because it's not who I am. Because, I just can't feel it.

I probably forgot so so much of what I actually wanted to say, but my mind is a freaking mess, there's so much going on, that's the best way I could describe it. I'm not a hundred percent happy with it and I feel like I could describe it much better with more effort, but I can't, that's too much writing hahaha... So yeah-now:

Might wanna share your thoughts on my situation?

[ransprang]

hi! are you guys still doing the match up's? if so, may i request one (sfw/nsfw & platonic/romantic, it's up to you lmao) for tokyo ghoul and jjba? i don't really care what parts you're going to consider; i'm up to date to part 1-5 only (recently finished the anime :')), but i'm all up for surprises! i'm considering reading the remaining parts soon anyways, so you do you!

anyways,, i'm a demi boy & trans, and i'm also gay, demisexual & greyromantic (if you decide to write a platonic match up however, i'd love to be besties with any girl just as much)! i'm an aquarius sun, capricorn moon, and leo rising. i've actually got an aquarius stellium going on if that matters. typology wise, i'm an entp (with quite some ni and a well developed fe going on).

anything else about me... as already noticible, i tend to ramble about things that interest me a lot! i'm interested in unnatural stuff (yk, magic, tarot, outer space, bli bla blubb), and have a passion for art! i've been known as "the class' artist" since kindergarten actually. i generally enjoy things, may it be art, architecture, whatever, that are considered outside of the norm. things that confuse you, make you question a lot. i'd also like to make people think and question themselves with my art someday. i'm currectly in college¿ for graphic design, but tbh i'm considering to own a small shop one day. my favorite music artists are tyler, the creator, moe shop, joji, nirvana and deftones i think? but i enjoy a lot of different genres, so i rarely dig into each artist i listen to haha.

as for my personality, however... you get different impressions about me depending on how close we'd be, you could say. strangers & casual coworkers / classmates perceive me as rather reserved, quiet and i've also been told a lot that i come off as intimidating/scary even. however, many strangers compliment the way i dress. in general, it's hard for me to become truly close to someone, as i never really open up emotionally. my friends describe me as a fun-loving, and really sarcastic person. yeah, my go to coping mechanism is humour, what about it?! >:( /lh sometimes i crack so many jokes my friends are concerned about me lmao. they even say i'm smart about things that fancy me. and yeah, i have trouble focusing on things i couldn't care less about (math class, for example).

i'm someone who wants to hear both sides of the story before taking any sort of judgement, and generally tend to consider any possible pov into the choices i make, hence why i sometimes come off as indecisive. i often do things / solve problems in odd ways, and enjoy exploring different opinions / ways of doing things! however, i'm able to judge most people fairly easily (as in who gives me good vibes and who not eg).

as i gotta mention some negative sides of mine as well, i'm just in a constant conflict with myself, leading me to be pissed off fairly easily. i can be quite critical with myself, and always strike to become a better person for me and those around me. i also happen to be irritated EASILY.

mm honestly i just want the best for people close to me, but i show it thru bullying! <3 i suck showing genuine, embarassing emotions of gratitude so much, i prefer to show it thru teasing and quality time. or coming up with the most stupid jokes. but i'd certainly let my s/o know i adore them pfft. i just have my own ways of expressing myself, so i'd love me some really understanding dude.

other than that, i don't have a specific type? sure, someone humorous, understanding, rather calm person would be great. it'd be productive if they'd be able to express themselves rather well, and not be stoic all the time, since i happen to adapt to the mood around me easily and i'm a fan of communication. it would also be cool if they'd be able to ramble about the most random topics in depth, so i wouldn't be the only one looking stupid 💀. /hj but i think that's about it?

jeez, i'm sorry for my request being this lengthy,, take your time please!! i'm thanking you all a lot in advance, and have an amazing day! make sure to take good care of yourselves and drink lotsa water. :) have a good one! ☄️

hii thank you for the request and the kind words!! :D

we hope you like your jojos & tokyo ghoul match ups!!

brought to you by admin sar your jojos match up is..............

ROHAN KISHIBE!!!

SFW

Rohan based on first glance would just disregard your presence, while doing so perhaps note that your clothes are nice. You on the other hand would probably be on guard since he comes off as arrogant. Due to this you two would have a slow burn type of relationship.

If you hang out around Josuke or Koichi you'll run into Rohan enough for him to probably spot you doodling or for him to compliment your fashion sense. From there you'd warm up and bond with him.

You may be thinking: "Hmm will he make me laugh?" The man literally stabbed his own fingers and laughed! He will do literally anything, no matter how psychotic, to make you laugh.

Him being a working man would totally support your dream of opening your own store and motivate you since he knows how hard it is to be an artist.

He loves talking to you about weird topics and hearing about your knowledge of magic and tarot. You both are kind of like an art power couple since you guys are able to draw inspiration easily from the different knowledge y'all have.

N/SFW

You both can use each other for nude modelling. Sometimes you fall asleep while he's drawing you. Get ready for somnophilia (with consent).

Be prepared for (washed) paint brushes up your ass.

Rohan would propose to cover both of you in paint then have sex on a canvas.

He's kinda bad at after-care because he'd just get up and start to draw his sexual experience.

brought to you by admin sav your tokyo ghoul match up is..............

SEIDOU TAKIZAWA!!!

SFW

Seidou in his human days was such an adorable lad. Funny, understanding, trying his best to be good at work and life. He definitely isn't a stoic man and know how to let loose. He is perfect for you.

This man will be so proud of your art and you can give him scary tarot readings and watch him yelp in fear!

If you guys watch confusing movies like Inception, you will have him scratching his head. He will look at your confused with a 100 questions in his mind.

He will look at your interpretative art and be so curious.

He has the same music taste as you, as a CCG member he listens to relates to a few Nirvana songs and maybe even plays it when he's on duty.

N/SFW

You are an aquarius sun, capricorn moon, and leo rising. Which means you probably had sex with a gypsy before. How else does a person find that shit about themselves? Your experience will be much appreciated by Seidou in bed. Fuck him mad.

OMG if he finds out that you have an aquarius stellium going on he will piss himself out of excitement. He will moan super loudly as if your mercury entered his Uranus.

He seems like a simple guy who does not know too much about sex, but keeps a collection of playboy magazine under his bed.

He wanks 3 times a day without a partner but would prefer to have sex with you at least twice everyday given the opportunity.

your magic lovers,

admin sav & sar

[gb-patch]

Ask Answers (February 7th, 2021)

Here’s some more ask answers :D. Thank you for sending questions!

I hope this doesn't sound rude, but I was wondering how many asks you have or how long it takes to really get through them? Basically, I'm wondering how long someone should be expected to wait to get their ask answered. (I'm sure you have a lot so I understand even if it's a month+)

As of right now, while starting this ask answer session, we have about 340 asks and we tend to answer around 30 or so asks a week, aha ^^;. So not a great situation for timely responses. Though some of them are unreasonably old (six months or even more) and I just never was able to write up an answer them for whatever reason. 

I’d recommend joining the Discord if hearing this makes you worry about sending an ask. Questions are answered much faster there since other fans can answer some of the things people are curious about and because I can answer them more causally. When stuff goes up on the blog forever I take a lot more time to formulate a response, which limits how many answers I can give.

I appreciate everyone’s patience with getting their asks answered!

Since when did the development of our life start?

It kind of slightly started in 2017, it was in real development in 2018 but ended up being paused for a while, it went into full production again in 2019, and it’s still being developed now in 2021.

Assuming Cove's partner has breasts, is he a boob man or an ass man? 

He definitely likes boobs/chests in general more than butts.

Hello! I’m sorry if this has been asked before. Will Baxter’s DLC be released after Derek’s or will they be available at the same time? 

We’ll probably release Derek’s first and then Baxter’s after.

During part 2 when cove comes over and you play hangman, is it just hangman or can you do other stuff?

You can play tic tac toe if you’re fond or indifferent! If you’re crushing it’s always hangman.

Out of curiosity, since you mentioned that during the game there isn't really anyone that Cove would be romantically interested in besides MC, how does he find out he's demisexual on a fondness playthrough? 

Just self-reflection/introspection and pondering hypotheticals. Even if he doesn’t have a special someone he can still understand about himself that he probably wouldn’t be totally asexual all the time, there could be potential exceptions to it.

I know this is probably a weird question but what do you think Cove smells like? I’m asking because I bought a candle recently that reminded me of him and I was just wondering lol 

He smells ocean-y and citrus-y! 

Maybe this is a dumb question but I was just wondering..is the wedding DLC going to be voiced or not? 

It’ll have stock lines and the voiced name feature like usual. It won’t have more or less voice acting than other parts of the game.

Just curious, are there any scenes where Cove wears his jacket in Step 2 outside of the Road Trip moment? 

No, Cove doesn’t like layers, haha. He only wears it ‘cause his parents made him bring one.

since the bg of the street is our house, then how does Cove climb up? Looks really scary to climb :( Has he fallen anytime?

The MC’s bedroom window isn’t one of the front wall facing ones, it’s at the side/back near areas where the house juts out more. He’s never fallen.

If Cove could choose a super power what would he choose? :O 

Breathing underwater/controlling water. Yes, he’s predictable but he must be true to himself.

—– FAQ   If you prefer to just see the main posts without all the asks/reblogs, feel free to follow our side account instead: GB Patch Updates Blog