#being a not ok therapist friend sucks

[starrynightglue]

I miss you.

And it's not that you're gone or that we're over, but. Somethings changed.

And I see you dying in front of me, and i see your efforts to hide it and it hurts. It hurts to see you finally lose it.

I see you ripping your petals and I see you cutting your roots and hurting your giver. A flower to its Gardner. And I feel sorry but not pity or sympathy but empathy. Because flowers should grow to be beautiful. And while once i saw you blooming, I now see you dying. But you don't know that. You try to make me happy yet but I've watered you.

But I'll stay back and let you think. And when you need I'll help you hope. And I'll install a system so I'm not there, and I'll cut my own roots to give to you, for I was the Gardner, never you, and it's my job. In turn, I'll pray you bloom. Maybe one day I won't miss what still exists. Maybe one day you'll breathe again.

[agayconcept]

.

[nomaishuttle]

uninstalled all the dating apps which ws like 8nof them . in the morning ill tell the guys i was talking to that i overestimared how ready i was and hopefully theyll understand andnjust drop it

[sickgraymeat]

[complaining again]

[blairpuffs]

i am this close to busting out into tears 🤏 /srs

[leebrontide]

OK!

So I am tired to death of people learning a bulletpoint definition of CBT writen by some influencer trying to sell them a tracking app, on fucking Instagram, and deciding that therapy is useless.

What CBT is NOT: Talking yourself out of having negative feelings because all your problems are made up and in your head.

What CBT IS: checking your thoughts to make sure that the negative emotion you're having is the one that best applies to the situation, so it can motivate appropriate behavior!

If someone treats me shitty, and I try to do the first approach, I am going to conclude that their shitty behavior doesn't matter and I'm going to keep tolerating it. If I do the second one, I can make sure that I'm not shaming myself for someone else's shitty behavior, so I can get appropriately mad, and correct or remove the person pissing me off! The anger is useful and she shame was not!

What CBT is NOT: taking solo responsibility for every stressor in your life, like trying to therapy your way out of the very real stressors of poverty.

What CBT IS: working to connect you to useful feelings that can make you more resilient against those stressors (by, for example, letting go of being ashamed of not having money, so you don't go get the food stamps that would help you) AND by helping you to connect to your feelings about WHY you are in poverty, which can connect you to things like collective action to address large scale issues!

What CBT is NOT: removing all your feelings in place of "rational" thought.

What CBT IS: making your feelings a useful source of information about your needs, so you can see all of them and not get sucked in to tunnel vision, and find more and better ways to improve your life. Like yeah - maybe right now you are stuck at a garbage job that is making you miserable! Maybe that's your reality at this moment! But maybe you are also lonely and when you take stock of that feeling you can recognize that seeing a friend would help you feel better, even while this other problem is not resolved yet!

Is CBT the solution to everything? NO! Is it an approachable way to debug some of your feelings and take some internal pressure off? Yes! Everyone has some thoughts that are not 100% true. Our brains are basically a power-aide jello full of electricity it's amazing they work as well as they even do. But it's useful to audit that shit now and then. That's what CBT is. It's just auditing your thoughts so your feelings work better to actually address or survive your real life problems.

I know not everybody can access therapy but PLEASE stop making therapy look fucking useless so that when people can access help they have already been told that change is impossible and getting help is useless.

Know what therapy is so you can get it if you need it when you can, and also so that if you have a garbage therapist you can recognize them as such and replace them.

[leidensygdom]

Ok, I'm gonna start a post idea I had been pondering. If you're either mentally or physically disabled and you have opinions about representation, this is the thread for you!

So, I've been seeing more people trying to tackle the topic of autism in their stories, but I've felt some of it tries to woobify a bit what is to live with autism, or just focus on the more socially acceptable quirks of it. And as someone with autism/ADHD (was suspected of it for most of my life, got it finally diagnosed by my therapist (who specializes in autism and ADHD) last year), sometimes I'd like for people to acknowledge the more unsavoury parts of it, the weird quirks, etc.

So, this post is going to be about that- If you wanna help people understand how your disability/neurodivergency affects your life, feel free to add to it! Just mention what do you have (no need for a full list, just what you consider relevant to the post) and some experiences, quirks, anecdotes or such that you think that are not often seen in stories or media, and that you consider an important part of it. They don't need to be huge things! I encourage people to share just whatever they feel comfortable. My list is gonna be a mix of stuff, but yours can be very different. Let me start!

Clothes and how they feel was surprisingly one of the most disruptive parts of my autism. As a kid, if I was forced to wear something that caused me some bad texture/sensitivity issues, it would significantly affect my behaviour and performance. It took me many years to be allowed to use mostly sportswear. (And it turns out being a "girl" (not anymore) wearing only sportswear tends to cause a whole lot of bullying)

This happens even nowadays. I've found out that non-heeled boots are more comfortable to me than sport shoes, because feeling something against the back of my foot makes me feel overwhelmed. I tend to wear yoga pants under actual pants, because they keep the actual pants' seams from causing sensory issues. There's almost a sort of ritual on how do I need to combine clothes to be able to function "normally", mostly consisting on reducing how much they annoy me.

On that topic, hygiene is actually a huge thing too. As a kid, I wasn't allowed to shower daily. Days I didn't shower, no matter how much I tried to keep my hygiene in other days, were "bad days" to me. I would literally plan hanging out with friends or eating out around the days I was allowed to shower. I could physically feel the difference between the day I showered and the day I didn't (even if I washed my face, armpits, used the bidet, etc).

This is true even nowadays. I can thankfully now shower daily, which isn't recommended by a lot of experts (specially because it can damage your hair and skin), but it's more worth to me than having days where I feel like I shouldn't be seen in public.

Being overwhelmed sucks! Meltdowns are mostly associated with kids, mostly because adults either learn to mask them, or do everything they can to AVOID having that meltdown. I've mostly figured out routines and such. There's this one place we go eat out every other Tuesday- And in the hours we go in, there's a sort of silent corner that is always free. This week's schedule was a mess, so we went yesterday to that same place, and the silent corner was filled with a very loud group. I got extremely overwhelmed. But enough masking drilled to me means I just sat there unable to talk for maybe 30 minutes.

Autistic adults still do have autism and experience often the full spread of traits, they've just found ways to mask, or avoid being in situations where they do need to do that. I've adapted my life and routine to that. But sometimes I land on situations out of my comfort zone that will make me feel just like when I was a kid. I want to freelance online because I'm fully aware I can't perform properly in a public facing job.

Group projects sucked so much. I know they suck for most people, but most times it was easier for me to do the entirety of the project by myself and add the others' names to it than dealing with chasing people for their parts. My college had a 6-months-long massive group project in the last year, with a 7 people group, which obviously I couldn't do alone. The whole experience was so harmful in so many ways I've had several full therapy sessions talking about it :'')

One of the reasons it's because mental flexibility is HARD with autism. If i set a schedule, I expect that schedule to be followed. If people agree to do a part, I expect that part to be delivered (unless there's a proper reason) on due time. People hate this a lot usually! It will tear group projects apart!

Stimming can be harmless, or it can be very annoying to some. I tend to shake legs and play with something in my hands. I could easy this off drawing in classes- My high school found out that I was paying more attention when I was allowed to draw in classes, and my academic performance was pretty much perfect, so they gave me permission to do that.

However, I had a teacher in middle school that did forbid me from drawing. I stimmed during a class with pens- She got so mad she sent me home with a note to my parents they had to sign. Fun!

Not exactly an anecdote, but I am ace. I hate the discourse about "making an autistic person be aro or ace is infantilizing autism". Aro/ace people can have autism. That's just how it is. I've been infantilized a lot for being ace- Which only got worse because I am autistic, and people perceived some of my special interests as child-ish. The combo didn't make things easy.

On that topic, people will often be very patronizing of your opinions or takes for being autistic. I've had people debate my sexuality (or lack of thereof), my gender identity and presentation, my hobbies, my preferences for everything, down to "what do you want to eat tonight?". This isn't too different to shitty takes about how "autistic people are more prone to being affected by the trans activistsTM", because people assume autistic people can't choose on their own. Trust me: We can.

Anyhow, I'd love if this post could be a good compilation of these sort of anecdotes! I think it could help people who wanna learn more about what is it to live with specific disabilities (and how to better portray them in media)

[justmeinadaze]

"I'm Just a F**ked Up Girl Looking For Her Own Peace of Mind"

I'm currently experience this and struggling with it so I wrote a little thing here. *sighs*

TW: Mental health (anxiety and depression), child abuse, mentions of suicidal thoughts. Reader has a breakdown and the guys help her through.

Eddie firmly barreled open the front door as he powerwalked into the house. Steve had texted those two words he dreaded every time he got a text from the former jock. 

“Bad day.”

When they started dating you, you told them about your past. About the hospital stay and medication… the depressive lows and manic anxiety episodes… the thoughts that pushed through your head from time to time even though your life was so much better now than where it had been. 

“I’m not…easy…to be with.”

“That’s ok, honey, neither are we.”

You three had laughed at that at the time. 

The first time they experienced it broke their hearts for you. People always mentioned “feeling depressed” or “oh I’m so anxious about this thing!” but they discovered the true meaning of those words during your first break in front of them.

They hadn’t moved in with you yet so you were able to hide the fact that you hadn’t been sleeping. Your mind constantly reminding you of things that needed to be done and how you were a failure for not doing them. Nightmares plagued your dreams at all hours so you just gave up, scrolling through your phone instead as the mental illness continued to whisper.

“Do better. You’re lazy. May as well just get it over with and end the burden you put on people.”

That following evening you had a date night with them at their place and you couldn’t cancel. You genuinely wanted to see them but you were so tired…

“A good girlfriend goes out on dates. Go ahead. Cancel. Let’s see how quick they leave you for someone better.”

Through the first half of the movie they put on, your leg never stopped moving. Steve watched as your eyes never stayed focus in one place. Eddie felt your erratic energy radiate off you as you switched from holding his hand to letting go every few minutes. 

“Baby? Is everything ok?”

“Yeah.”, you responded a bit too enthusiastically. “Yeah, Ed, I’m fine. I’m just…I’m just a bit tired. It’s ok. I’ll get over it.”

Steve paused the film and as his hand petted your head you broke down. 

“I’m sorry. Fuck! Why can’t I be normal?! I’m ruining everything. You should just leave me and find someone better.”

“Hey, hey. No. Sweetheart, no one is better than you.”

“Talk to us, honey. What’s going on?”

You sobbed as you told them what had been happening over the last few days. The listened intently, comforting you anyway they could think of in that moment. 

“They don’t go away, Steve. Those thoughts never go away. Most days I can manage them but they are always there. W-Who can I tell? If I tell a therapist or a doctor they will put me back in the hospital even though I’m not going to do anything… I can’t tell my friends because I feel like I’m burdening them or they just don’t care. I can’t tell people in general because then I’m being ‘overdramatic’. I can’t take time to heal because I’m supposed to ‘suck it up’. So I do… Eddie, I want my brain to just stop telling me I want to die because I really don’t. Some days, though, on bad days…it’s so loud…”

The metalhead yanked you to his chest as you cried, crying with you as he tightened his grip as if he could squeeze all your broken pieces back together. He’d give anything to take your pain away, they both would. 

Today was a manic day and Steve picked up on it fast. Today was his day off and as soon as you woke up, you barely said a word. He asked you if you wanted breakfast and you shot him an angry look as you walked away. Turning on the tv, he put on the game but after a few minutes you came around the corner snapping at him to turn the noise down. Even when he muted the sound, he could hear you growling and swearing under your breath as you moved around the bedroom. 

Other people would see it as you being a brat; causing drama for the sake of drama. 

You wished you could make the world understand that was the opposite of what you wanted. In an episode like this everything was just…amplified…and for some reason your brain insisted it was on purpose. Steve was purposely turning up the volume to get under skin. The birds chirping outside knew you were on the edge so they gathered outside your window with intent. Even the clock on the bed side table was mocking you. 

Both men tried to handle days like this by themselves but when it got to a certain point, they knew they needed to come together to help you. That point came when you abruptly screamed and threw something hard against the wall. 

When Eddie entered the bedroom, Steve was off to the side watching you as you angrily paced, fluttering your fingers with eyes squeezed tightly closed. 

“What happened?”

Your eyes open at the sound of his voice as you shrugged and threw your hands in the air. 

“What happened? What the fuck happened?! Oh, I don’t know. Where do we start, Eddie?! This house is a fucking mess. I tell you guys all the time I need fucking help! I’m not a maid! I’m your girlfriend! But who fucking cares right?! We can just live in trash and be unhappy!”

They knew better than to respond. Before you three moved in together, you had suggested they come to therapy with you and they were surprised with some of the things they learned. They and even you knew they were more than accommodating when it came to housework and splitting household chores. When you were growing up, however, it was never enough.

“Jesus Christ, Y/N, look at this mess! Did you do anything today?!”

Little you looked around at the immaculate living room wondering what else you could have missed. 

“I work and I slave all day at a job I hate so you can have food and a roof! The least you could do is fucking get off your ass and clean a bit!”

“I-I’m sorry, mama.”

“Don’t be sorry. Just do your job! We’re a team remember? I need you to pull your weight.”

They could almost see interactions like that replaying through your eyes and it killed them. They also saw how fast the logic brain took over as you realized what you were doing before the depressive brain abruptly took over.

“I’m sorry. I-I don’t mean to… I know I’m being crazy…I just…” You lean your back against the wall and slide to the floor with your hands over your ears. 

Both men descend with you, crawling closer to you and as soon as Steve’s hand touches your bicep you head shoots up with eyes full of tears. 

“I’m sorry. You two don’t deserve this. I’m a terrible girlfriend.”

“No, baby, you’re not terrible. Everything’s ok.”

“I-I-I appreciate…e-e-every…everything you guys do. Fuck. Everything is so loud, Eddie. I can’t… I couldn’t…I just wanted to scream…”

“Then scream.” You laughed at his response as you wiped your eyes but he insisted. “I’m serious, sweetheart. Just let go.”

“What about…about the neighbors?”

“Like they don’t get an earful almost every night.”, he jokes, grinning when you laugh again. “Go ahead. Just lean back and let loose.”

You roll your eyes as you do what he says but it’s a small shout that barely echoes in the room. 

“Wow. That was both adorable and pathetic. Come on now. Steve, why don’t you try?”

Chuckling, he struggles to stop smiling making you giggle harder before finally closing his eyes and letting out a good scream that makes the metalhead clap. 

“That’s the king of Hawkins right there! Now try again princess.”

Sighing at his antics, you do as he says actually letting go while they scrunch their face and cover their ears. 

“Woo! That was like Banshee from X-Men! Way to go!”

“What about you, nerd?”, you ask as he smirks.

Eddie doesn’t even hesitate as he leans his head back and howls loudly like a wolf. 

“I love you both.”, you softly grin as you reach for both boy’s hands. “I’m sorry for being…me.”

Wrapping his arms around your shoulders, Steve tilts you closer to him and kisses the top of your head. 

“Don’t ever apologize for being you, honey. We love you. Every part of you.”

“We know everyday you’re trying, baby. Unlike your mother who insists on being an evil little gremlin.” You giggle at Eddie’s interpretation. “Like your wizard of a therapist said, healing takes time and we’ll be with you every step of the way.”

“Jesus, Munson, you ARE a nerd.”, Steve jests. “But the other stuff he said I agree with.”

“Oh please! Tell me her doctor doesn’t sound like Gandalf from time to time.”

“I still have no idea who that is.”

After rising to his feet, the metalhead grabs your hands and pulls you off the floor. 

“Well, I know what we’re doing tonight.”, he announces with a mischievous smirk before kissing your lips and running back towards the living room. 

“I’ll make dinner.”, Steve murmurs as he leans down to kiss your lips as well. 

“Oh, you know he won’t allow that. He’s going to want you in front of the tv so you don’t miss anything.”

“True. Hm. How about Enzos delivered?”

When you nod, he caresses your cheek before disappearing after his friend. 

As your eyes glance around the room again everything seems different than it did before. Instead of seeing a mess ridden, dark empty area, you saw a bright room filled with memories of the men you loved making you laugh and feel loved unconditionally. 

“But for how long? It’s only a matter of time.”

“No, it’s not.”, you whisper. 

Taking a deep breath, you head towards the living room where Eddie and Steve greet you with a comforting smile. 

[life-winners-liveblog]

Watching Last Life- session 9

Part 7

Grian: Four people are left, this is going to be akward isn't it?

Scott: ...

Grian: Scott?

Scott: ... yeah... I'm just...thinking.

Pearl: About?

Scott: I- no, it doesn't matter.

Pearl: Are you sure?

Scott: Very.

~~~~~

Scott: *in sync with his past self* I've spent all season being honorable I'm not about to stop now.

Scar: You memorized that Scott?

Martyn: ...Why?

Scott: It's the point of no return, from this point foward it's...not good.

~~~~~

Pearl: Other me!

Scar: Fourth place, that's quite good Pearl!

Pearl: Well uh thanks but thats not really me is it? It's another me.

Grian: Just take the compliment Pearl.

Scar: That's why us at therapists Scar's are your biggest fans!

Pearl: Uhhhhhhhh what now?

~~~~~

Martyn: Ok is this Ren guy immortal or something?

Scott: ... Very much not? Seeing as he died later?

Martyn: You shot him five times, got him with potions twice, he set himself on fire and you hit him with a sword like four times and yet he escaped.

Scott: Uh... I really don't know what to say to that? I guess I never tought about it. Must have been the armor.

~~~~~

Martyn: Did other me just explode himself?

Grian: Sure looks like it.

Martyn: Well thats embarassing.

Pearl: He pulled a Last Life Tango...uh it sounds too long if you specify Ladt Life doesn't it?

Grian: A bit.

Scar: Well I find nothing wrong with having such accidents.

Martyn: This is a new degree of embarassing, like second hand but for a different yourself.

~~~~~

Grian: Wait Ren died to a zombie?

Scott: He did.

Pearl: You didn't get the kill? Well...well thats fine mate, I don't think he would have died if you didn't attack him.

Scott: You might be surprised by this Pearl, but that doesn't actually make me feel any better.

Scar: That was a bit anticlimactic... Oh well!

Martyn: You didn't kill any of the last four, Ren killed Pearl, other me killed himself like an idiot and Ren was killed by a zombie.

Scott: Wow, thanks, didn't notice.

Scar: Where is the sudden saltyness coming from my friend?

Scott: It's b *sigh*... I'm sorry about that.

~~~~~

Grian: Did you... just get hit by lightning?

Scott: I just got hit by lightning, yes.

Pearl: Well thats rude, didn't even let you speak.

Martyn: ...that...fucking sucks.

Scar: I also got hit by lightning! We can be lightning buddies!

Grian: Scott?

Scott: *sigh* ... *gets up*

Pearl: Scott don't you dare pull a Grian!

Martyn: ... he won't.

Scar: Please don't! I mean, I wasn't there, but it doesn't quite sound good.

Grian: That's because It wasn't good...at all. I would know, I was the one that-

Scott: I'M NOT PULLING A GRIAN! *deep breath*For Aeor's sake! I'm ...*breathe in, breathe out* I'm just going to the base to rest...and think about stuff... please don't come wake me up.

Martyn: Whatever, do what you have to do.

Scar: We'll be waiting for you!

Previous

Next game

First

[rocksibblingsau]

Hey so since everyone is throwing adopt branch ideas I'm going to to throw this out there, Bergen adopted branch. Here me out ok. Since he's grey he can't make bergans happy so they give him to prince gristle as a pet till he regains colors to make him happy. Eventually tho they bond being grey and unhappy. Poppy even mentioned the similarities in the first movie. When the prince becomes king he makes branch a person of royal status because he has no friends. He can tell Bridget likes gristle cuz he's actually a smooth romantic (he got it from Bruce) he probably does is so gristle would leave him alone. They realize they don't need trolls to be happy! Branch has just been like: this sucks but at least I'm not dead and some Bergen don't 100% suck. I'm not sure how he'd react to them being happy… but just throwing this out here.

I'm a sucker for Bergen AUs (Bergen Branch a concept I love toying with), and Branch being 'adopted' by the Gristles is a very interesting one! I actually believe I saw one here on tumblr, though I can't recall who made the AU.

I could absolutely see Gristle Jr as a child being a bit more open to actually talking with trolls, and with Branch talking back to him he'd likely quickly see Branch as a person.

This is the one AU where I don't know if Branch could regain his colors early. He has a lot of Bergen trauma and unlike the rest, no one is actually invested in his mental well being from the get go. Here's the kicker though, he's also not been exposed to as much as the Pop Trolls nonsense, so he might not be as jaded and openly hateful to music itself.

I like the idea of Bridget cleaning Gristle's room and talking to Branch, or rather talking at Branch. I don't think she'd ever have gotten to eat a Troll either (Chef clearly doesn't consider her a 'person' much so she wouldn't have given her one during Trollstice) so I don't think she's aware they can really talk. They sing, yeah, but to her and most Bergens it's probably more in a parrot type way (mimicking language but no human levels of sentience/sapience).

She sorta uses Branch to vent to and talk about how in love with Gristle she is and how he'll never notice her and after enough times of this Branch gets tired of the silent treatment not working and says something and nearly gives her a heart attack.

Branch ends up playing therapist to two Bergens.

"Out of the three of us, two of us being creatures of pure misery incapable of feeling even the faintest joy on their on and one of us being a creature of pure joy made to sing and dance nonstop... how am I the most miserable person in the room?"

[literaticat]

Publishing aunty please help. Need advice, not publishing related.

What do you do when you're just tired, feeling unfulfilled and want to run away from everything? :( 

That sounds like a classic case of Burnout to me, though it could be combined with something else -- like Depression, or even a medical problem.

(For example, at one point a couple years ago, I was absolutely exhausted for no discernable reason and burst into tears at the drop of a hat -- I chalked it up to "winter blues" and ignored it -- come to find out, eventually, I had severe anemia and my body was not absorbing iron at all and actually it was an autoimmune disorder and became a Whole Thing! Uh... oops!)

This article from the Cleveland Clinic gives a lot of advice about what to do about Burnout -- but the most salient points, I think:

Be gentle with yourself. Everyone goes through it sometimes. You aren't a failure, you're going to be OK, you just have to take care of yourself before you can properly take care of anyone or anything else. So with that resolved:

TELL YOUR SUPPORT SYSTEM HOW YOU ARE FEELING. Keeping this stuff undercover is not going to help. Being honest with your friends/family/partner or whoever your "people" are will lighten your mental load AND they will want to help and support you.

Figure out what your stressors are and tactics to deal with them. Part of this will be linked to the previous part, probably -- For example, if you are burdened by too much work -- DELEGATE or ASK FOR HELP! You've told your support system what's up with you -- now tell them what you need to move forward.

Set Boundaries. If you're the type of person that says yes to everything and then you feel overwhelmed -- remember that it's OK to say NO. It's a good thing, actually. You'll be more "on" for the things that are actually important if you are able to protect your own boundaries and aren't wasting energy on bullshit things. I can't stress enough how important this is (and it's something I am always working on, because it can be tough!) -- but my life CHANGED when I made certain rules for myself and stuck with them. For example, mine: No checking email after 7pm or on weekends. At all. I gotta tell you, my life suddenly got a lot better. (I have forgotten this one recently, and my life has gotten markedly worse -- so I gotta get back to that!)

Go to the doctor. Yes, going to the doctor sucks! But they can make sure your bloodwork is OK, you aren't Vitamin D or Iron deficient, rule out any problems (like, I dunno, severe anemia)... etc etc. Like, step one of Self Care is knowing what your Self is working with. (And if you think you might actually be capital-D Depressed or have anxiety, etc -- ask for a referral to a psychiatrist to see about getting some medicine. IT WORKS!)

Practice Self-Care. Yes, that means the boring stuff like "hydrate" and "make you are getting enough sleep" and "eat your veggies" and "meditate" and whatnot -- but also, you want to "run away from everything"? DO IT. Take a vacation -- or even a staycation -- or even a DAYcation -- where you are literally not doing ANYTHING for anyone else, no email, no nothing. Get a pedicure with extra massage, sit in sunlight with your favorite drink, read a book or just think about NOTHING -- you have no responsibilities except to yourself during this time. It's rejuvenating!

Get toxic feelings out of your system. Find a therapist, if you can afford to do so. (There may be free or inexpensive options if you are a student, or with some insurance, some therapists have a sliding scale for patients, etc) A therapist can give you at least somebody to talk things out with who doesn't know you and isn't judging you. If that's not for you -- journal? Do something artistic? Go to a rage room? Climb a mountain and scream a lot?

Now you are on the road to being healthy, physically and mentally, you hopefully have less stress and are getting your forty winks and all that good stuff -- and hopefully you'll be MUCH better soon.

Good luck!

[lyrenminth]

Quiet love 3/?

The things went down from there. You avoided him more than ever while your grieved your friendship and your unrequited love. It was a big loss, so much that you asked money from your parents for a deposit. You contacted the external friend Lydia told you about, and she was looking for a roommate. Her name was Grace and she sounded kind by the phone. You didn't thought it was so bad. Since Justin was preparing for the games he was busy but you could tell he was avoiding you too and that hurt you even more. You stopped having dinner together and it was more like you hiding in your room or arriving late.

When you saw him, you were polite and distant.

The dynamic was killing you inside.

You started packing your things when Grace told you the previous roomate was leaving. You signed the lease to secure your exit. It was time to put your big girl pants.

One day your mom video called you, and she was worried.

"You don't feel comfortable in his house?" she asked.

"It's not that...I need my space. I can't be living in his house forever, mom" you explained. She bite her lip. "Please, respect my decisions"

"That's ok, but I don't want you to go homeless"

You laughed. "Don't worry about that"

"Holly wanted to talk to you" she lowered his voice. "She is worried about Justin"

You felt as if someone was throwing a bucket of cold water on you.

"Why?"

"Justin hasn't answer any calls or messages from anyone since a week ago. She didn't want to panic because the NFL is rough but that's a lot of time. And since you are living with him she wanted you to check on him" your mom explained. "Maybe the stress of the game is taking a toll on him"

You blinked. The Chargers weren't exactly winning but it wasn't that bad. They had a good record.

"Yeah, don't worry. I'm going to check on him"

"And how you are doing, darling?"

You smiled through the pain.

"Good I like my new job" you started "And California is great, I meet..."

You told your mom everything about the courses and your discoveries, but you mind was on Justin.

When you finished the call, you sent him a message. He was traveling for an away game so it was less likely to answer you but you tried anyway.

Hello

Your mom is worried bout you.

Be a good son and send her a message pls

For your suprise, he replied within minutes. It was ten pm.

I'll do

Thank you

The three dots appeared, and you looked at the screen expecting something but after a couple of seconds it stopped. And you heart broke more.

Losing a friend fucking sucks.

***

On Sunday, Justin got injured during the game. So you were worried about him and decided to stay a couple of days just to see how he was doing. You told Grace and Lydia about delaying moving in.

You were doing a favor to Holly and Mark while they arrived to L.A. His manager, Ashley was in the house at times too. You met a lot of people from his world. Coaches, therapists and assistants.

You realize how important he was for the team.

They always looked at you in surprise then look at Justin like saying "Who's this chick?" it was uncomfortable, but he never told them you were his friend or his lover either. You were just Y/N.

You made him breakfast often. The doctor was optimistic about the injury, he could move and do many things, but he was grumpy most of the time. Being out of the game was one of the things he hated the most. You helped him to stand up and drive him to the facility for his therapy.

"If you need something send me a message" you said, he was in the kitchen eating breakfast.

"Thank you"

"You welcome"

His eyes were speaking but you couldn't decipher the words.

"The boxes...are you leaving?" he struggled to say.

Did he checked your room? Why? Why does he always act like he cares?

"Yeah, I found a nice aparment"

"I- well, were you comfortable here?" his expression was unreadable.

"Yes, thank you for letting me stay" you grabbed your bag and looked at the clock. "Ashley must be here at anytime. I should go to work, you can change your diaper yourself, right?" you joked.

The truth was the injury made you feel less angry with him. It didn't matter that he didn't want you back, you didn't like to see him suffer. He was still an important person in your life, no matter how painful was to look at him now.

And you promise in middle school to have each other's backs.

"Yes, I'm an expert now" he replied, following the joke. You lingered in your place for a couple of seconds, just to see if he said something, but nope. So you said goodbye and left the house.

When you arrive at noon, Holly and Mark were there. You were so happy to see them too.

"Oh, it is so nice to see you again" you hugged them, feeling relieved.

"Look at you" said Holly at your attire. A pencil skirt and a blazer, both in purple color "You look stunning"

That night you put your best act. Nobody could tell Justin and you weren't speaking to each other days ago. And you were glad to have more familiar faces around.

You were talking about your impressions of California, and Justin didn't speak so much. Maybe he wanted to rest since he looked tired.

"She found an apartment too" Justin added, and he sounded so bitter it made you frown.

Holly and Mark looked at you.

"Wow, it is expensive?" Mark asked.

"Not that expensive"

"Did Justin told you something?" Holly asked, looking at his son.

"Not, not at all. It was just time"

"I bet"

Justin was glaring at you, and you didn't understood why he was mad. Maybe he was feeling pain again. You didn't want to deal with his mood swings.

"You should go to sleep a little bit" you suggested, in a cold tone.

The rubbed his eyes and nodded.

"I'm tired" he sighed.

The mood shifted. You felt the tension in your spine and tried to rescue the night.

"Everyone must be tired" you said, standing up and picking up the plates. "You come from a long travel from Oregon" you said to Justin's parents "You better sleep a little bit"

His parents imitated you, but you noticed Mark side-eyed Justin with disapproval.

****

In the morning, you were preparing in your room for work when someone knocked your door.

It was Justin in all his splendor. Looking grumpy as ever.

"Can we talk?"

"Sure" you said without looking at him.

He got inside and closed the door.

"Are you parents up?" you asked, putting lipstick on in front of the mirror.

That morning you were feeling better. Justin's parents always put you in a good mood.

The boxes were still sealed in the corner of your room. When he didn't replied you turned around to look at him. He was fidgeting with the hem of his Nike shirt.

"Is everything alright?" you prompted.

"Yeah...no, no really" You tilted your head to one side, looking at him up and down. "I'm sorry"

The apology landed in a sore spot.

"For what?" you were using the profesional voice you use for clients. His behavior last night was unacceptable. Ridiculous.

"For lying to you" you frowned "I know, I've always know but I was scared and I'm so sorry for being a coward. And for last night too, I was a douche"

"W-what are you talking about?" you asked, referring to the first part of his speech.

"I like you...I like you since highschool or even before, I don't know" he admitted, quickly.

You stopped breathing for a second, your organs melting inside your body.

"Why did you tell me you weren't sure?" you were cautious. At first you didn't believe him, you needed to prevent any type of miscommunication.

"Because I was scared" he explained, walking three steps toward you only to stop suddenly. You didn't move an inch "I...my lifestyle makes me feel like I can't be in a relationship, I'm busy all the time. I don't want you to feel neglected. It's just that...I wasn't ready for the change"

You studied his words and expression, he sounded and looked sincere.

He got closer again, reaching for you like a giant lost kid.

"Are you ready for the change now?" you asked, not processing completely what was happening.

"Yes, yes I am" he touched your shoulder, and you noticed he was shaking slightly. Poor Justin.

You grinned, standing on your tiptoes to hug him carefully. He hug you back, hiding his face on the curve of your neck.

"Justin, do-do you like me?" you wanted to hear him once again. Only to know you weren't dreaming. You looked at him "Is this happening?"

"Yes, I like you"

"Why do you decide to tell me now?"

"My dad sensed something was off and talked to me" he said "I just needed to hear it from someone I trust"

"Hear what?"

"What I'm losing by letting you go"

"I'm going to say thank you to him" he laughed. His expression morphed into something serious, desire. His pretty green eyes scanned your face for a sign, his eyes lingered on your lips. A silent plea. You leaned forward, and he tilt his head only to brush his lips against yours. The warm of his lips sent a shiver down your spine, and you put your hand on his chest to steady yourself. You could feel how fast his heart was beating. The butterflies in your stomach fluttered aggressively.

He did it again, only to make sure you weren't running away. In the third, his pretty mouth landed on yours, and you opened your lips. Kissing Justin felt right all the way. He was careful at the beginning, but as the time pass you needed more. You tongue search for his, and he gave you all you wanted. You fist his shirt, dragging him down to your height.

"Oh my god!" Holly's voice startled you both. You separate, your cheeks burning red. You glance at Justin who was looking the same. "I-I made breakfast, guys" she said, hiding a smile.

"Thanks, mom" Justin said in the most causal tone he could gather.

"I'll wait for you in the kitchen"

When she was gone, you touched your lips. Justin had lipstick on his lips too. You laughed and he looked at you confused.

"You look good with that tone" you said, looking for a wipe. He looked in your mirror and frowned. You gave him the wipe so he could clean himself.

The breakfast was kinda uncomfortable. Holly was trying to act cool, but you were nervous.

"Are you guys dating?" Mark asked, by looking at your face.

"Yes" Justin said, eating bacon.

His answer made you happy. Was this really happening? He sounded so confident about it.

"About time! I'm calling your mom!' announced Holly only to be stopped by Mark.

You knew your mom made some gestures toward Justin indicating her likeness for him as your partner, but you never expect Holly to like you too.

It was heart-warming.

"Once Justin is recovered you should go to the games, using his number and everything" Holly suggested. You were at some games before, wearing the colors of the team, but never official merchandise (you weren't the most fan) but the idea of being there as his partner was terrifying and exciting at the same time.

Justin looked at you with warmness in his eyes. And you swore he was the most beautiful man in the world.

The idea of dating him was the best.

[angelisgonnastartchangingurls]

richard, on a monday

"you and sophie are getting along well, no?" richard said.

"yeah, i think?" annie said. "i should see if she wants to get a drink or something again soon. haven't talked in a bit."

"since you were over?" he said.

annie immediately blushed. "i wasn't sure you were made aware of that."

"she tells me everything," he said.

"oh wow," annie said.

he laughed. "it's fine. again, it doesn't affect our relationship."

"if you're OK with it."

"honestly i encourage it. i mean, in kind of a very caveman sort of way, what man wouldn't prefer his daughter be with girls?"

"i don't know. is that a thing?"

"i think men don't like to think of their daughters being penetrated with the penises of other men."

"okay," annie said. "i mean, you're not attracted to penises, i guess. i think it's different for women."

"some women are not interested in vaginas," he said.

"not interested maybe, but appreciative? like generally i think women are more likely to experiment with homosexuality... but maybe that's just social pressure."

"did you feel that pressure?"

"no," annie said. "i guess that's more second-hand." she thought of alice's stories. "i had sex with my best friend julia just after i finished school and that was my first homosexual experience. and until very recently she was the only woman i'd ever been with."

"sophie is the second?"

"third," she said. "i have been busy lately."

he laughed. "yeah, i mean, i wouldn't say i have had homosexual experience per se,"

"group sex?" annie asked.

"yes," he said. "with my former wife, in fact, we had a few threesomes with a male friend of ours after his wife left him. i think my wife wanted to take care of him."

"did he... penetrate her?" annie asked, a wry smile crossing her lips.

"just her mouth," he said. he was always on the front end, i was always in the back.

"was it fun?"

"yes, but mostly just that he was seeing her naked. my wife looked great naked, and i liked showing her off."

"i like that," annie said. "i get it."

"she was so hot," he said. "do you want to see?"

"yes," annie said. "of course."

he produced a photo on his phone of his wife naked. it was a photo of a polaroid, so the quality wasn't great. she was smiling on a bed with her legs open. she had a small dark bush and long, wild dark hair.

"she is gorgeous," annie said, her eyes flicking from her face and hair to her cunt. "do you have any more?"

"some old VHS tapes i got digitized," he said. he pulled up a video of his wife in the shower. when she sees him filming her, she smiles and cups her breasts, and then begins to masturbate. "want me to suck your cock?" she asks. richard started to pull the phone back, but annie kept it. he grinned at her as, on the video, a younger richard put the camera down and stepped into the frame, naked. his wife got on her knees, soaking wet from the shower, and took him in her mouth.

"i didn't mean for you to watch this part," he said.

"well, i'm watching it," annie said somewhat wildly. richard had a very nice body and a very nice cock, which in the video was now fully hard. annie watched until he was ejaculating on her face, and the video cut off.

"i'm dizzy," she said to richard, laughing.

"in a good way?"

"in a -- my panties are ruined and i need to lie down kind of way," she said.

richard chuckled. "i am happy that the video was able to do that to you."

she stood up and slipped off her panties under her skirt. she didn't show richard anything, but they really needed to come off. she sat back down.

"what are you thinking about?" richard said.

annie sighed. "i am fucking a former patient. and it was great when it first happened, you know, it felt so good to actually feel it happen. but now all we do is have sex, and i know that the reason is because i was his therapist. he has no idea what to say to me because he can't separate me from that box he first put me in. and what is crazy about being so attracted to you is that i know it wouldn't be a problem, you know? i know you and i could have sex and we could also still have productive therapeutic conversations and i know we could also have great social conversation. i mean, don't you think?"

richard laughed. "i also know my daughter wouldn't mind."

"i know!" annie said, exasperated. "so why am i fucking this other man when i could be fucking you?"

"i don't know," richard said.

annie climbed into his lap.

she was feral, but richard was still under control, prioritizing her pleasure. he fingered her in his lap and he kissed her neck and reached up her shirt to feel her breasts. she could feel he was hard in his pants but he wasn't getting it out. annie was so wet she knew she was ruining his pants. she came on his fingers and then he finally reached for his cock. she sank herself down on it, gasping contentedly, and then pushed him down onto the couch so she could ride him hard. she hadn't shaved in a few days and could feel her stubbly skin grinding against him. it felt great. his hands were on her ass, and she pushed one hand further back and he got the hint and put a finger up her asshole. she came again, and then he did.

she stood up. her skirt was around her waist. she was dripping his cum onto the floor. "see?" she said. "we can do that and then we can still talk."

"i like that about us, richard said.

annie sent ted a breakup text a few minutes after richard left her office.

[itsaspectrumcomic]

man ok idk if youll be able to advise on this or something but like. do you know anything regarding dealing with like internalised ableism?

i live in a rural part of ireland, right? and idk what it is about rural ireland but some of the people are heinous. my school is in a small miserable-ass town and like. God, man. not everyone sucks, of course but like. jesus lol additionally i have a ~mildly ableist~ mother (a "we're all a little bit autistic" and "erm. youre not disabled because youre not in a wheelchair or blind/deaf" etc etc type stuff. + "npd = bad person" which isnt particularly good for me specifically because i have npd (that i both Cant get an official diagnosis for, for various reasons, and im not really Looking for one either because i know what i am and its not like you get support for it because ~ooh scary narcissist~.)

and like. idk if this is Obvious but that can kinda cause a weird-ass relationship with You (being Me in this case, yk how it is with the second person perspective when. ranting) and The Concept Of Being Disabled. like, objectively. im disabled. im autistic, ive definitely got adhd (that im hopefully going to get examined for at some point cause college stuff requires it for the disability forums and stuff. gotta love that. fuckin 80% comorbidity right?), ive got a laughable number of repetative strain injuries, i have a sensory processing disorder, an endocrine disease that effects my Entire cardiovascular system, a spine that felt a lil quirky and bent in too much. so on a so forth

but also like. it feels wrong to call myself disabled. yk, like im doing a disservice to all the other ~actually~ disabled people (being Anyone but me lol) (none of this is At All helped by the fact that my mother refuses to listen to me regarding Jack Shit about my health in Any way. "oh you nearly passed out on top of a hill because of your cardiovascular condition? erm youre just not exercising enough actually" "you dont have depression [said while i was filling out an assigned mood diary after being forcefully brought to camhs for Reasons" like. shut the fuck up and Listen to me please. at least Entertain the idea that i could be right about something for fucking once lmao. cause ive been right about EVERYTHING regarding my mental health so fucking far so. fuck off /nay ofc) (also man. like, even if you ignored the physical issues ive got im still disabled on account of being autistic. like, motor function is fine, despite being a lil clumsy and/or unsteady sometimes but like. my emotional needs are Fucked. think of the response youd get if you asked a. fuckin. 8 year old or something to do algebra. but with a very emotionally stunted and traumatised 17 year old lol. lmao, even /lh)

so like. if youve got. any advice or whatever on any of this thatd be Super cool + no pressure obvs. sorry this is a whole. like. fucking essay's worth of Random Guy Complaining To You On The Internet lol

-🐢 <- just so i can find this again if you respond. i Like Turtles. i am Normal about the tmnt and also turtles The Creatures. i wont talk at length about turtle mutant anatomy (i am deceiving you)

Internalised ableism is a really hard thing to deal with, especially when you're surrounded by people who constantly re-enforce it. I've also spent a lot of time worrying that I'm not disabled 'enough' to deserve certain accommodations, that I'm making an unnecessary fuss. But the truth is, autism IS a disability and if there are accommodations that can help support you, you deserve access to them. You're not taking away from others with disabilities by advocating for yourself.

It's taken me a long time to understand this and I still worry sometimes. What has helped is talking about my experiences with people I know understand, like my therapist or best friend, and learning about the experiences of other autistic people through books, social media, YouTube and even real life.

I'm sorry your mother and others aren't being understanding - remember that's a them problem, not you, and try to spend your time with people who do understand.

🐢🐢🐢 <- the turtles wish you luck

[normal-internet-user]

NORMIE!

I just went to the orthopedic doctor today and apparently the flexibility in my arm has loosened my scapula(shoulder blade). Now I have to take Anti-inflammatories and see a physical therapist! I was wondering if I could turn this into a request for my comfort character and have 2012 Mikey with a gf who all of a sudden stops visiting them and he gets really upset and then after like 5 months the reader comes back and has to explain that she was in a different state to see a well known physical therapist so she'd be able to do simple tasks with soreness again?

I was originally gonna do headcanons, but I felt a small fic was a better option 💕 <33

HONEY I'M HOME

♡~~♡~~♡~~♡~~♡

Summary: After being in another state for 5 months for your health, you surprise your boyfriend with your homecoming.

Warnings: None!

Requested: @lemonadae-caekie

Female Reader!

....................................

Long distance sucked as much as people always said it did.

You missed your boyfriend and his family, and you hardly ever had anytime to talk on the phone, and when you did, it couldn't be for long since your physicak therapy was exhausting.

It was definitly taking a toll on your relationship, and you wanted nothing more than to cuddle up to Mikey's side while the two of you played video games.

Which is why, after 5 long months of seperation, you were so excited to be on your way back to New York.

April and Casey were supposed to meet you at the airport and accompany you down to the Lair. They were the only ones who knew of your homecoming, since you wanted it to be a surprise.

You waved your arm gently to greet your two friends, doing your best to not strain the limb.

Casey pulled you in for a side hug, "Hey there, (Name), long time no see, huh? Hey did you get a haircut?"

You laughed, "No, Casey, I did not get a hair cut." You patted his arm, "Nice to see you too, Jones."

April smiled, taking your suitcase from you, "Mikey's gonna be so excited to see you, he misses you alot ya know."

Casey scoffed, "Seriously, your all he talks about. 'I miss (Name)', 'I wish (Name) was here', '(Name)-"

You cut him off, blushing slightly, "I uh, I think I get it, Jones."

He shrugged, and the three of you made your way out of the airport and towards the infamous hippie van.

You first went back to your apartment so you could drop off your things, after that, your friends helped you down into the sewers, and it was all you could do to not take off down the familiar tunnels.

"Oh, just go already." Casey said, and you squealed, rushing as fast as you could into the Lair,

"Marco!" you called, you heard a crash, and the sounds of someone knocking things over from Mikey's room, "Polo! Polo!" he shouted, rushing into the main room to pull you into a tight hug and pepper your face with kisses.

You giggled, "Mikey! Mikey calm down, missed you too!"

The orange clad terrapin stopped his affectionate onslaught, and with the widest grin you'd ever seen, you picked you up and started to spin you around, "I missed you sosososososo soOOOo much, Sweets! How did the physical therapy stuff go? Is your arm better, oh shoot, did I hurt you at all?"

Mikey set you down, and you placed a hand on his cheek, "The therapy went well. My arm is still needs some healing, and it's still kinda sore, but I'm fine, babe." you kissed him on the cheek, and he pulled you in for a hug.

"Can we cuddle now?" he asked, burying his head in the crook of your neck.

You laughed, "Sure we can, babe. Just watch the arm, ok?"

....................................

Here you are my friend! I know this isn't exactly what you asked for, I hope that's ok. I'm sendimg you my well wishes, and I hope your physical therapy goes well!! <333

[reeama-the-mage]

Hey hey does anyone wanna see my headcanons about how the dead boy detectives crew and the Find Us Alive crew would interact? *vibrating at the speed of light*

Too bad ur getting them anyways!!!!!! U clicked on this read more uve become a willing participant can't leave now, only the main crews or else this post would really get too long

Generally I think Lancaster and Love might b the only ones actually able to see the ghost boys? But I'm saying they all can bcuz being in site 107 couhts as enough supernatural experience

OK ok first of all my favs!!!!!!!!! I think Charles Rowland and Nari Love would b besties bcuz pls❤️❤️❤️❤️ uhhhhhh in actuality I think there'd b alot of conflict there bcuz Charles would b trying to exude nice and polite energy and Love would Not Trust It she gets loud and shout and Charles would not react well methinks I don't think they'd start like physically fighting a. because Charles has a decent amount of restraint and b. because Love doesn't have any iron (shed try to punch him tho, love her) and eventually theyd figure it out and eventually I think they'd b making real bad jokes 2gether and talking about how weird (affectionate) their partners r

Harley is adopting Edwin as soon as he finds out about this boy and his languages, Edwin resigned himself to this fate w/ his even ancient Aramaic is easy w/ a bit of study line, Harley is explaining mandarin conjugation to him and Edwin will deal w/ it politely while having no idea what he's talking about bcuz this boy deals mostly in languages 4 magic and mandarin is not one of them!!!! (or maybe it is let Edwin and Harley b nerds 2gether 2k24)

Niko is #1 Kleinves shipper ik this in my heart she is getting 2 the bottom of whatever happened there and trying to make these ladies communicate!!!!!!! (She'd also b a harlanc shipper but this ain't about them) After she figures out that she can't force them 2 communicate she and Klein r watching anime/reading manga 2gether, Klein has been in the site 2 long!!!! She needs more to read and probably Nikos stuff isn't to her usual taste but she will read it

Poor girl Crystal is over here in the corner trying to make conversation w/ Raddagher and thoroughly failing, eventually they end up comparing experiences of being a surveillance officer (knowing everything about everyone) to being a psychic (knowing everything about everyone) they're akward but get along well enough

Lancaster and Charles would b friends :D Charles would like Lancasters ugly jorts and they would both b trying 2 b very smiley literally they're both trying to keep spirits up and pushing their own problems as far back as possible they're so similar and they're NOT calling eachother out on the hypocrisy (Lancaster is taking some time for himself and Charles is not a therapist he's just emotional support)

Edwin would find Raddagher endearing like he finds Niko endearing, but to a lesser extent, I think he'd like to chill out in the surveillance room (I think Crystal and Niko would like it too, at some point Love starts banning ppl 4 Raddagher cause it's getting too crowded 4 her) Raddagher might talk about sailing and Edwin might talk about sea monsters and they'd both nod and be like cool. and then move on

Crystal and Harley r swapping so many stories ik it Harley is like the stories guy Harley would tall about some weird bullshit that happened on site five years ago and Crystal would pull up a chair like tell me more until she has all the gossip, and then Crystal will complain to Harley about how annoying Charles and Edwin are and about the time she tried to go to hell and it didn't even work but hey she got her memories back atleast but like her memories suck and Harley would nod along while internally freaking tf out

Niko and Lancaster r teaming up, what r they teaming up 4? No one knows (Lancaster is telling Niko about Raddlove and Niko thinks they're very sweet) I think Lancaster and Niko as a team could b scary and chaotic and they deserve to be

Charles and Raddagher r not saying a word the entire time they interact Charles will try, Raddagher will react grumpy and then Charles will do his own stuff in her presence for like an hour before fucking off, they both think the other are okay (Raddagher's thought on Charles "He's fine", Charles' thought on Raddagher "she's aces") I feel like there's a mutual understanding of Don't mess w/ my ppl I don't mess w/ ur ppl while the groups interact

Charles and Harley r complaining 2gether, Charles complains about not being able to eat spaghetti while Harley understands this as The Worst Thing that can happen to a person and Harley complains about botany while Charles swears they're evil and tries to hold back a laugh

Edwin and Klein in eachothers presence would b a little bit unbearable❤️ I think Edwin would b interested in what research does and Klein would b interested in magic rocks and theyre badgering eachother 4 information at very high speeds

Lancaster and Edwin r having v deep emotional conversations about repressing who u r and how it hurts u in the long run and how they'd go thru everything bad in their life again as long as it brought them back to this point w/ these ppl, or Lancaster is trying to give that ghost red bull (who doesn't want to see a ghost on red bull? and tbh this ghost could use it)

Niko and Love would b so cool, I think Niko would LOVE Dumptruck (Edwin would find Dumptruck fascinating, Charles would b a bit put off by him, Crystal wouldn't care) and I think she'd help Love remember words when she's having a hard time

Niko and Raddagher would respectfully not interact that much, I don't think they'd dislike eachother theyre just both way too blunt to develop deep emotional connections I think

Charles and Klein keep accidentally stumbling into emotional conversations they don't MEAN to but one second theyre chatting shit about "kids these days" and talking about the 80s and the next Klein is talking about how her impulsiveness endangers ppl whenever she's put in charge and Charles is talking about how he's scared he's just like his dad and holy shit it's 1 am and one of them needs sleep