#been living in a state of constant crisis

[swindlefingrs]

i really like thinking about how Carrik and Shadowheart settle down for a spell in Reithwin near Halsin. there's enough that needs doing so it keeps the three of them plenty busy. Shadowheart gets to be around all those animals, Carrik is there to re-establish Selunites, Halsin is tending to his sanctuary and seeing Carrik as often as he can

and then Shadowheart and Halsin begin to fall for each other and Carrik could not be happier about it

[aberooski]

Taylor already stole coney island from me last night and I've also lost Cold As You and White Horse if she takes away any more of my songs before June 4th I'm going to be entering my reputation era.

[amourdivine]

💜 𝐃𝐀𝐈𝐋𝐘 𝐋𝐈𝐅𝐄 𝐖𝐈𝐓𝐇 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐅𝐔𝐓𝐔𝐑𝐄 𝐒𝐏𝐎𝐔𝐒𝐄 ♡ 𝑭𝑬𝑨𝑻𝑼𝑹𝑰𝑵𝑮 𝑬𝑿𝑻𝑬𝑵𝑫𝑬𝑫 18+ 𝑹𝑬𝑨𝑫𝑰𝑵𝑮 ♡

Hello lovelies! I hope you’re doing well today! Today, I bring you a different type of reading featuring an extended 18+ version. Since the extended reading option was the winner of my latest poll, I am really happy and excited to release this. Thank you so much for your endless support, I love you guys very much and I hope you’re having a wonderful week! ♡

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none of the images are mine unless stated otherwise

how to choose your pile.  take deep breaths for a few minutes & look at each and every one of the piles separately. see which one brings you to a feeling, a place or a memory. take your time and feel free to come back to it later.

♡ ♡ ♡     pick a card masterlist & information

disclaimer. this is a general reading for entertainment purposes. tarot is a divination tool & is not a substitute for medical and professional advice, nor is it meant to be taken as such. i do not take responsibility for any choice(s) made by you or others regarding my readings.

amourdivine. 2021 - 2023 © do not copy, redistribute or edit my content.

PILE 001 | DAY VERSION

judgement • page of wands • nine of cups • two of cups

Scorpio energy here - either one of you may have Scorpio in 6th, a stellium the 6th or perhaps you’re Pluto dominant. It’s a significant planet here. Your love for one another on a day-to-day basis will shine through in the way you handle the adversities thrown your way, how you wake up each day with excitement and gratitude for what’s to come. It may have been difficult for the two of you to finally come together, but I see two people waking up with extreme gratitude for getting to be with one another. It’s honestly quite sweet, you’ll feel as if all the roads have led you to this person, to spend your life with them in the big and the small moments.

The love will be shown in the stressful moments, hand holding when one’s having a crisis, calming down one another and facing the challenges together. For example, if you’re regularly waking up to nightmares, your person will calm you down, they’ll accompany you to a doctor’s appointment and do their best to ensure you have good dreams.I heard “through thick and thin” - you’ll be doing and planning everything together. You’ll be in sync, so if one’s doing the groceries, the other will be picking up the kids from school. It has a feeling of telepathy to it, like your thoughts and emotions will be picked up on by the other. It’ll be a very teammate-y kind of couple, the couple that does not let the other go without support. You’ll be very present in each other’s day to day lives and there’s an element of fun to it as well, of trying to keep things lighthearted and romantic as well, like going on weekly dates, making sure to lighten up each other’s mood, check in often and give keep the love alive through these small gestures, consistently.

Speaking of consistently, that’s how I envision your daily life with your FS, through constant commitment, effort, gifts and displays of affection. Your relationship will be a safe foundation for your daily lives, regardless of what happens, it will be so present that you won’t ever feel alone or doubt your FS’s love for you.

channeled song: Colors of Your Mood by Between Giants.

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PILE 002 | DAY VERSION

the sun • seven of wands • four of cups • the empress

Your daily life will have a lot of happy, positive elements. A lot of Leo and Libra here. You’ll make one another laugh a lot, cheer each other up. This person may be or may have been your best friend. I see an element of “inner child” here, a lot of dancing, giggling and nurturing one another. In your daily life, your person may help you stand your ground and you’ll be each other’s biggest cheerleader. Compliments and cheeky ways of flirting are ways where you’ll keep the flame alive, fighting together for a better future as well - you’ll stand up for one another a lot. If someone treats you poorly, like say, you’re walking by and you get catcalled or someone disrespects you at a grocery shop line, your person will say something. You’ll also naturally take on this role as well, because you’ll want to spoil one another a lot and fight to keep your love “young”. Perhaps family members or loved ones will be opposed to this relationship and the both of you will feel the need to prove everyone wrong, to show that you’re each other’s person and it’s the final say. 

You will fight off the boredom of routine by keeping everything interesting and unusual. You may travel a lot with one another before having kids or prioritize your relationship’s success and joy above everything else. Even if the two of you don’t have much money, I feel like you’ll be very creative and come up with different ideas to spark up your joy. Both of you may intensely dislike routine or boredom, so you’ll make sure that neither one of you is left unattended, unsatisfied or lonely. I also feel that either one of you may have slightly jealous tendencies towards the other, so it’ll be important for the two of you to never leave it unaddressed or dismissed, but I think it’ll be mostly harmless and may make one of you pouty, which the other will find cute. I see a lot of spoiling here, not just material, like I mentioned, but showering each other in love every single day, especially through words of affirmation and a lot of cuddling. This is the pile of the clingy, obsessed-with-each-other couple. Quite adorable, to be honest. You won’t be afraid of the PDA.

Random message, but if you have any motherly or love wounds, I think you’ll be able to heal through the love you receive from this person on a day to day basis. As if you’ll come at ease and your heart will finally rest once the days pass you by and you realize your marriage is not like your parents”.

channeled song: Chateau by Angus & Julia Stone.

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PILE 003 | DAY VERSION

the hermit • queen of wands • ace of pentacles • seven of cups

Your daily life will be busy in the pursuit of better opportunities. I think this person will encourage you to be your most authentic self with them. They’ll make you feel confident and in your power. This pile is giving me “power couple” vibes, like two people who own a business together and work tirelessly to make their dreams come true. It may be hard for you two to distinguish between one person’s dreams vs. the other, since you’ll both have very similar goals that will be aligned in the way you make choices. Your daily life together seems to be one full of really important decisions; you’re both perfectionists - and sometimes you’ll need each other’s push to simply do something instead of striving for perfection. I heard “done is better than perfect”. I also think you’ll both pursue a lot of intellectual stimuli together, maybe go to the movies or the theater together, museums and libraries. It seems that your daily lives will be very private, exclusive to the two of you, you may be the couple who doesn’t post much on social media but the people speak of a lot. I get the feeling you’re both important people, as I mentioned.

You may be in the public eye in some way. I’m guessing it has to do with your occupations. You can count on each other to only speak the best of one another. I think you and your FS will have a deep sense of loyalty and commitment that will naturally bleed into your day-to-day interactions and conversations. You’ll be the couple who plans the smallest of things together. It’s possible the two of you have similar placements or complementary ones, because the synastry here seems very easygoing, like it just flows naturally and two people are very committed to making it work, regardless. Even on a day-to-day basis, you’ll have interesting topics to talk about and you may be the kind of couple who ask each other’s opinions for everything, not out of codependency, but because they know that their FS has always something interesting to say. I see you spending time together in a more “lowkey” way. Your ways of demonstrating love to one another will be subtle but thoughtful, perhaps only noticeable to the two of you, almost like you’ve developed a secret language to speak to one another. You will get each other like no one else. Very clever and sweet. 

channeled song: Cardigan by Taylor Swift.

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PILE 004 | DAY VERSION

two of cups • four of wands • two of pentacles • ace of swords

Most of your day-to-day lives will be spent maintaining and looking after your stability, pile four. Regardless of how many times I shuffled, messages about money kept coming out. I think it’s possible you’ll either marry into wealth or become fairly wealthy after marriage and I feel like most of your routine will revolve around making healthy financial decisions with your FS. I think the two of you will be very, very protective over your family. Another message I got was about children, I think you’ll have plenty of them. It’s coming on very strongly that you’re possibly having big family - like three to five children, if that resonates for you, of course. I see it as a bit of a chaotic, but pleasant daily life regardless. Even if you’re busy looking after all that you have, I think you’ll aim to leave a good legacy behind and that will show early on in your marriage. You’ll be concerned about making good choices not only for the now, but for the future as well. You’re both very smart, witty people. I feel like you may also have a joint bank account, or some other way of holding each other accountable and looking after your material gains. I don’t see any “controlling” behavior here, but more so two people who are enthusiastic about how far they’ve come and how far they can go.

You’re both super hard workers as well. Honestly, it’s possible you may not spend as much time with them as you want to, but I think even when you’re away for a few hours, running errands or working, you’ll miss them. It’s got a feeling of two people who have never fallen out of love. I think you’ll be smitten with them for a very, very long time. I think you’ll also become an example of a healthy couple for your children as well. I’m sorry children are coming up so strongly (lol), but the energy of being busy, loving parents here is very obvious to me. You might become overwhelmed or overburdened by responsibilities at times, because I see here two people who sort of thrive in chaotic or busy environments and at times, you may have to delegate tasks or ask other family members for help. I think either one of you has always dreamt of building a big family and now that you have it, you want to do everything in your power to protect it, to cherish it. One or both of you is a natural provider and wants to give your loved ones all the best things in the world. 

channeled song: Still The One by Shania Twain.

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amourdivine. 2021 - 2023 © do not copy, redistribute or edit my content.

[munson-blurbs]

Living After Midnight (Failed Rockstar!Eddie x Motel Worker!Reader)

♫ Summary: Running an errand together brings out even more sides of Eddie Munson, including one that you wish you'd never seen (5.2k words)

♫ CW: slowburn, strangers-to-lovers, angst, parental conflict, poverty, jealousy, eventual smut (18+ only, minors DNI)

♫ Divider credit to @hellfire--cult

chapter six: the eye of the tiger

Guilt fit like the shoes your mom forced you to wear as a kid, the dressy ones reserved for special occasions. It pinched at you, dug into you, a constant reminder of its unwelcome presence.

And so you did everything you could to alleviate the discomfort. On Wednesday, Dad mosied into the lobby for his shift to find the floor meticulously swept; there was not a speck of dust in sight. If he had any suspicions, he didn’t bother to show them. He was probably just grateful for the help regardless of its cause.

Mom, as usual, was more skeptical of your intentions, raising a disbelieving brow when you presented her with the bills you’d reorganized by their due dates. You’d offered up the excuse of being bored with nothing better to do. Did she buy it? Unlikely. But she also didn’t pose further questions, choreographing another step in your dance.

And when Dad hung up the phone Friday afternoon, thumb and forefinger massaging the bridge of his nose, you jumped at the chance to fix the situation.

“Everything okay?”

He looked up with a start, too wrapped up in his own thoughts to realize you’d been standing in the doorway. 

“That was Uncle Mo,” he said with an elongated sigh. “The delivery truck won’t start; something’s busted, I guess, so we won’t get our wallpaper until it’s out of the shop.”

“I can go after class,” you volunteered. The shop was a twenty minute bus ride from school, no transfers required. Lugging it on the subway back home might prove more challenging, but you could manage it. 

He dashed your dreams with a swift shake of his head. “They close early for the Sabbath.” Which meant they’d be closed all day tomorrow, too. 

Dad glanced around at the walls, lip scraping over his bottom lip. Their barrenness unsettled him; his pride and joy left empty and exposed.  

Imagine how he’ll feel once this place is boarded up for good. Bet he won’t care about some ugly walls then. 

“I’ll go on Sunday.” The promise practically made itself before you could stop it. Your final paper was due on Tuesday, and you had planned to spend your weekend finishing it, but that would need to take a backseat until the wallpaper crisis was resolved.

You could be part of that solution. For now, at least.

Sunlight teased summer’s beginning and warmed your skin. The walk to the subway station required you to cross paths with the mailbox you’d fought with—and humbly lost to—a few days prior. Dejection shot through your chest as you paused in front of it, focusing on a spot of rusted metal where the paint had flaked off. Short of intercepting the United States Postal Service, there was nothing you could do. Besides, your acceptance was probably already locked inside NYU’s admissions office, sitting among a pile of identical envelopes. Most of them, you suspected, were mailed with exuberance and not with the trepidation you carried. 

The station’s stuffiness engulfed you as you descended the stairs, fingertips brushing the railing to ensure your balance. Your return trip would be short of torture, sweat prickling beneath your arms at the mere thought of dragging wallpaper through the thick humidity. You might have to splurge for a cab to avoid melting completely.

Frantic, impassioned guitar strumming grabbed your attention just before you approached the turnstile, echoing off of the concrete and infiltrating all of your senses. Your breath caught in your throat when you saw that Eddie was the source of the noise. He leaned against the wall as he played an electric guitar—the same one he had clutched so dearly when sleeping at the bus stop. There was no microphone, no amplifier; just him and his instrument. The case was open in front of him, now holding a few scattered dollar bills and some loose change. 

He didn’t notice you, not at first, so you took that opportunity to silently watch him. His head nodded along with the beat, his voice a low timbre as he sang. 

Trust I seek and I find in you 

Every day for us something new 

Open mind for a different view 

And nothing else matters

The chords were nearly drowned out by his vocals, and the softer strumming should have clashed with the harsh lyrics, but he made it work. 

It was somehow even sadder than when Metallica played it, though not from a lack of power. Eddie’s version intertwined anger with desperation, a somber reprise of the gritty original. 

Deft fingers pressed into the frets, the pick pinched between the other hand’s thumb and forefinger. He took a step forward to launch himself into the chorus with a combination of focus and ease. This is what he was meant to do, what he was born to do. Whether he was in front of a captivated audience of thousands or a smattering of indifferent commuters, he was a rockstar. 

Never cared for what they say

Never cared for games they play

Never cared for what they do

Never cared for what they know

And I know, yeah, yeah

Heat blossomed in your belly at his gravelly voice, the way he pulled the notes from the depths of his diaphragm and belted them out. The E train came and went as it screeched along the tracks, but you remained as though the soles of your feet were glued to the ground. 

So close, no matter how far

Couldn't be much more from the heart 

Forever trusting who we are 

No, nothing else matters

For a brief moment after finishing the song, Eddie’s chest puffed out with pride. It quickly faltered in the absence of applause, but before he could play another song, his gaze landed on you. He grinned and shook a stray lock of hair out of his eyes. Part of you wanted to fix it for him, to tuck it behind his ear or sweep it all back into a ponytail, but you refrained. Instead, you dug into your purse and tossed a dollar into the case. 

“Was that the one I gave you for the cab?” Eddie asked, fingers absently brushing over the strings in a series of random chords. 

“Nah, this was from the other asshole guest who made me late for class.”

Your jibe caught him off-guard and he actually laughed with such force that he had to stop playing. “And here I thought I was the only one.” He ran a hand through his hair, wincing as it snagged on a knot. “Are you going to the library or something?”

You lacked the energy to explain that the library was in the opposite direction, opting instead to cut to the chase. “Picking up the wallpaper.”

Eddie’s brow furrowed and he cocked his head. “I thought it was being delivered.” As you relayed the whole broken-truck saga, he started sliding the guitar strap up off of his back and crouched down, stuffing the money from the case into his pockets. “Cool. I’ll go with.”

“Oh, I wasn’t–” You paused mid-sentence to consider your words. “I mean, you don’t have to. I can do it on my own.”

“S’fine.” Eddie laid the guitar down with the fragility that one would handle a newborn baby and snapped the case shut. “Didn’t realize this station is basically dead on Sundays. I normally just play here during the week, but I’ve been out of commission.” He held up his bandaged finger and pouted impishly.

The familiar playfulness settled back into the conversation, breaking up any lingering awkwardness, and you snatched up the opportunity to tease him. “Ah, right. Your man stuff.”

“Very manly. Burly, some might say.” He extended one hand in front of him, palm up, to gesture towards the turnstiles. “Shall we?”

You led and he followed behind so closely that his chest smacked into your back when you stopped in your tracks. The uneven weight distribution, courtesy of the guitar case lolling at his side, thrusted him forward, the metal buckle on his belt digging into your skin through your shirt. 

It set off a domino effect, one that had you falling face-first to the ground. Before you could even brace for impact, you felt Eddie’s fingers digging into your hip and tugging you upright. The way he caught you was almost reflexive, his grasp controlled enough to avoid bruising your skin, but strong enough that you realized he could if he wanted to. 

“What happened?” His tone was mixed with both concern and amusement; a crackle of laughter broke up his question. 

An embarrassing adrenaline surge shot through you, bringing with it a chill that immediately preceded a heatwave of perspiration. “The, um…” You lamely pointed at the card swipe machines that had replaced the token receptacles. “I forgot that we need those MetroCard things.” 

Eddie let go of your hip and you felt his absence almost immediately. “No, we don’t.” He left no time for questioning, hoisting the case to the other side and pushing himself up and over the bar, landing on his feet with cat-like dexterity. 

You stared at him in disbelief. Sure, you’d jumped the turnstile a time or two, but that was back in high school, under the influence of friends you hadn’t talked to since. 

“What’re you waiting for?” He called out. A Cheshire-cat grin graced his lips. 

What were you waiting for? It’s not like the transit police were scouring the station. The poor schmuck stuck at the now-defunct token booth was exasperatedly trying to explain the new system to an older gentleman; he probably wouldn’t have noticed a wildebeest stampede. And you certainly weren’t eager to contribute to the politicians who lined their pockets with taxpayer money. 

Fuck it. 

In one swift motion—much more graceful than your earlier stumble—you mimicked his actions. One foot, then the other, your biceps supporting your body weight. 

“You little rebel.” Eddie tutted, his smirk showing off his teeth. You never noticed the way one canine is slightly sharper than the other, and it digs into his lower lip. “This is how it starts, y’know. One day, you’re skipping out on train fare; the next, you’re committing armed robbery.”

If he kept rubbing your nerves raw, you might be more tempted to commit homicide. 

Another E train arrived not long after. You were an expert at scouting empty seats, and you made a beeline for the first one you found. There was another one across the way, just vacated by a woman pushing a stroller, and you assumed Eddie would take it. 

Instead, he shoved his guitar case towards you, parting your legs between the knees, and grabbed onto one of the overhead handles. 

“Can you hold this?” Eddie asked belatedly. He rocked forward onto his toes as the train moved to keep his balance. A guitar pick necklace swung out from beneath the vee of his shirt and swayed above you. 

You drank in the way he towered over you, so close that he was all you could see. The mingled scents of the motel’s soap and a musky deodorant wafted off of him and enveloped your senses. For a second, there was only him, and whatever the outside world had to offer was just shy of meaningless. 

“There’s a seat down there.” You peered around him and gestured to the one you’d spotted earlier, careful not to point at anyone. 

Eddie looked but declined with a shrug. “Nah, I’m good. I like standing.”

“See, that’s the kind of thing that separates the natives from the transplants.” You smiled up at him. “You didn’t even want to sit down after a gig? Or a long rehearsal?”

“I didn’t really ever take the subway,” he admitted. “Maybe, like, once or twice.”

You huffed out an incredulous laugh. “How did you get around?” 

“Taxis, car service.” He ticked off the items on his free hand. “One time we rented a helicopter, but then the label threatened to revoke the company card.” He chuckled forlornly, like the memory was heavier than an impromptu helicopter ride. 

“Sounds like you were living the life.”

Eddie shook off his wistfulness with a cheeky grin. “Hell yeah. Expensive restaurants, swanky hotels…did I ever tell you about the time we trashed our room?”

“You did not.” You’re not sure you want to know, considering he’s currently staying in one of yours. 

He laughed. “Get this: we come back to the hotel after a gig. We’re all fuckin’ exhausted. As soon as we walk into the lobby, the night manager is on us like a hawk. I mean, the guy gave a stink eye like you wouldn’t believe.” He tried mimicking him, but he was too upbeat to embody the manager’s full ire. “Anyway, we’re not in the room for five minutes when there’s a knock on the door. Of course it’s that schmuck, warning us about the noise policy.”

You looked at him incredulously. “That’s why you destroyed a hotel room?” 

“Mhm.” Eddie proudly nodded, not missing the way concern furrowed your brow. “Don’t worry, Heiress. I’d never trash your place.”

“I’d have to get Phyllis after you.” Laughter bubbled out of you at his visible cringe, probably thinking of being on the other end of her baseball bat. “Okay, so what’s the dumbest thing you guys bought with the company card?”

People pushed through the aisle as the train pulled up to the stop, elbows nudging Eddie until he was practically on top of you. Every hair on your body stood up at the sudden change in proximity. “Probably one of those stuffed tiger things for our apartment,” he admitted.

“You and your band bought a taxidermied tiger?” You scoffed. 

His face flushed, and he scratched at his jaw like he’d been caught red-handed. “N-No, not the whole band. Just me and the drummer. We, um, she was my girlfriend, I guess.”

Puzzle pieces started falling into place and interlocking curves. His ex-girlfriend was also in the band, which was probably why they broke up once Eddie quit. “How long were you two together?” You instantly regret not asking about the tiger instead, for his sake and yours. 

“Hard to say; we were pretty on-and-off.” Eddie tried to play it off casually but terse laughter gave him away. The subway lurched and Eddie swayed forward again, his knee grazing yours. “But it was about a year from start to finish.”

You let the information sink in. He had a girlfriend in Death’s Echo, but he seemed to be unattached at the moment. Made sense, considering he was living in your motel rather than with a partner.

“That’s what no one tells you about money: it runs out.” Eddie continued. “It’s like, common sense or whatever. But when you have no money and then you get a shit-ton of it, it’s hard to imagine ever going back.” 

His eyes found yours like he had been searching for them, and you held his gaze until a monotone voice crackled over the speaker, announcing that the train was approaching the Forest Hills-71st Avenue station. 

“We have to transfer here.”

Eddie wrinkled his nose, clearly not thrilled by this extra step, but he followed your lead without any audible protest.

“Y’know,” he said as the doors opened, the two of you joining the swarm of people pushing their way out, “my neighborhood back home was also called Forest Hills.”

“Seems fancy,” you quipped. 

He laughed, head thrown back. “Oh, yeah. It’s the most glamorous trailer park in all of Indiana.”

The faux pas curdled in your stomach. What were you thinking? He had just confessed that he was broke before Death’s Echo. 

“Sorry, that was stupid.”

He shrugged off your comment, seemingly unbothered. “How many stops is this next one?”

“Just two.”

He hummed his acknowledgment, and with the R train less crowded than the E, you found seats adjacent to one another.

You did your best to ignore the way his right leg brushed your left, the worn denim against your bare skin as the train jostled him. He murmured a barely-audible “sorry.”

There was no reason for him to apologize, and you almost told him this, but you substituted a tight smile for words. Truthfully, you were glad he confirmed that the touch was accidental. You’d nearly nudged him back, a secret handshake of sorts, and your body burned with the mere prospect of embarrassment.

The train screeched to a stop in front of a sign that barely read 63rd Drive-Rego Park, most of the letters covered in colorful graffiti tags. 

“This is us,” you said, handing him back his guitar so you could stand up. 

Eddie stepped aside with a small bow, equal parts awkward and endearing. “So, uh, where are we going, exactly?” He stayed close enough so you could hear him over the cacophony of commuters. 

“S’just a few blocks.” You maintained your fast-paced stride so as to not get bowled over. 

He kept up with you surprisingly well for someone unused to navigating the city’s public transit. The fresh air welcomed you as you ascended the stairs, leaving behind the station’s mugginess. Conversations and traffic replaced metallic clunking while you weaved in and out of a sea of pedestrians, checking every so often to ensure you hadn’t left Eddie behind. 

Bold white letters on a maroon awning proudly proclaimed Eisen’s Paint and Supply, and the faint sound of bell chimed when you opened the door. A middle-aged man stood behind the counter, eyes lighting up when you walked in. 

“Uncle Mo!” You exclaimed, wrapping your arms around him in a hug. Uncle Mo wasn’t your father’s brother, but their bond went beyond blood relation. He was part of nearly all of Dad’s stories since they’d met in high school: the good, the bad, and the ugly. 

There was more gray in his hair and in his beard than the last time you’d seen him, the lines from his lips to his jaw more pronounced, but he still wore the same cologne that you’d remembered. The familiar scent was like home, a reminder of all of the Thanksgivings your families had spent together before the motel engulfed your life. 

He beamed, his hands bracing your upper arms as he got a better look at you. “Look at you; so grown up!” His eyes misted over for a second before he blinked the moisture away. “How long has it been?”

“Too long.” You turned back to Eddie, waving him over and introducing him. Uncle Mo politely extended a hand that Eddie shook quickly before shoving his fingers back in his pocket. 

“Before I get your paper,” Uncle Mo said to you with a mischievous smile, “I have a bit of a surprise.” The stockroom door swung open on cue and a young man stepped out from behind it. 

Your hand flew to your mouth in shock, every bone in your body vibrating. “Ben?” The name was muffled but still audible, and Ben opened his arms just in time for you to tackle him in an embrace.

His gangly teenage limbs had been replaced with hard muscle, his chest straining through his t-shirt. There was no trace of the wispy excuse for a mustache he’d once proudly sported; his face was freshly shaven, only the slightest evidence of his stubble scratched against your cheek when he pulled you to him. 

“I couldn’t believe it when my dad told me you were stopping by,” Ben said, finally letting go after a few moments. He looked at Eddie as if noticing him for the first time. “Ben. Nice to meet you.”

Eddie said nothing in response, his jaw set and his arms crossed over his chest. Whatever friendliness he’d shown Uncle Mo was clearly not being granted to his son. 

“Ben, this is Eddie,” you hurried to explain before the tension became unbearably dense. “He works for the motel, doing different repairs and odd jobs. Whatever we need, really.”

Your old friend nodded and brought his attention back to you. “Do you guys need help bringing the wallpaper back? I don’t have anything to–”

“We’ve got it.” Eddie cut him off curtly, clipping the conversation’s wings. His eyes narrowed in judgmental assessment and their milk chocolate hue turned dark.

Ben had evidently stepped on his toes; you thought back to the wasp’s nest and his adamance to clobber it with a baseball bat despite your insistence to wait until you bought the spray. You shot Eddie a look that he either disregarded or didn’t notice, because his clenched jaw never loosened. 

“Right, yeah.” A blush crept into Ben’s cheeks, the other man’s brusqueness catching him off-guard. “But we should catch up soon,” he said to you, “maybe grab a cup of coffee?”

It was an effort to ignore the way Eddie tensed up; even more so to pretend like his reaction hadn’t stirred something inside of you. Everything between you and him, and you and Ben, was strictly platonic. Whatever melodrama he’d conjured up was his problem, not yours. 

Your relationship with Eddie teetered between acquaintances and friends; he was in no position to get bent out of shape over you going for coffee with Ben or any other man.

You pushed the intrusive thought away long enough to answer Ben’s question. “Yeah, of course! You’re home for the whole summer?”

“Actually…” Ben’s grin widened, harboring a secret he was eager to spill. “I’m back for good. You’re looking at Dr. Benjamin Eisen, D.D.S.”

“That’s amazing!”

He nodded happily, enthusiasm unrestrained. “Thanks. I’m hoping to open up a practice nearby, so I’ll be sticking around for a while.”

That was the best news you’d heard in a while. The pair of you were once inseparable, always devising plans to convince your parents to extend their visits. When you were six, you’d almost started a fire trying to put on a pot of coffee, hoping that it would coax the Eisens into staying longer. 

Too bad you’d forgotten to add the water. 

Uncle Mo returned from the stock room with rolls of wallpaper, and his son shuffled towards him to take one from his grasp. 

“Are you sure I can’t help out?” Ben tried again. He only looked at you when he spoke. 

You almost took him up on his offer, the reply sitting on the tip of your tongue, but Eddie answered for you. 

“We’re good,” he said flatly, taking the rolls from the other men. “I used to lug around amps all the time. This is nothing.”

He’d uttered the same phrase before taking a bat to a wasp’s nest, and he’d ended up hurt. Still, inviting Ben along would almost certainly guarantee an awkward commute home. At best, you’d force stilted small talk; at worst, Eddie might shove Ben onto the tracks. 

“Thanks anyway,” you said politely, trying to temper your irritation. 

Ben gave a tight smile, brows shooting up when remembered something. “Let me give you my new phone number so we can set up a time to meet up.” He plucked a business card from the little plastic container on the desk, flipping it over and scrawling his number on the back. 

“Sounds great.” It truly did, save for Eddie’s glare that made you grateful looks couldn’t actually kill. 

Tucking the card into your purse, you held him in one last hug before bidding them goodbye. 

Eddie said nothing the entire walk back to the subway station. He strode there despite heaving around a guitar case and cylinders of wallpaper. You suspected he could have flown there if he wasn’t so bogged down. The closest he came to acknowledging your presence was the scoff he let out when you veered off-course to buy a MetroCard. 

You ignored him, still fuming over his behavior towards Ben. With trembling fingers, you dropped your change into the coin slot, acutely aware of his presence as he stood beside you. He was close enough that you could hear his tense sigh, as though his frustration was justified.

Yanking the card out from behind the swinging Plexiglass, you silently stalked over to the turnstile, Eddie begrudgingly hot on your heels. The tiny diagram showed the magnetic strip facing downwards and you did your best to emulate it. After two failed swipes, the machine relented and gave an approving beep.

“Go,” you told Eddie, and when he stared at you blankly, you repeated yourself with considerably less patience. “Go.”

“Okay, okay.” There was no hiding his surprise at your insistence, the sharpness of your tongue. He obviously wasn't accustomed to taking the attitude he dished out. His eyebrows crashed into his hairline as he maneuvered through, wallpaper bumping up against the metal gates. 

There wasn’t enough money left on the card for you, so after a brief glance at your surroundings, you once again lift yourself up and over to the other side. The metal barrier seemed laughably obsolete beneath you.

Eddie blinked twice in rapid succession but composed himself before you reached him again. A peculiar expression graced his face; not so much amusement as much as admiration. If you weren’t so annoyed with him, with his antics back at Eisen’s, you might have cracked a joke about his bad influence rubbing off on you. 

The first leg of the trip—the shortest part, as it were, went smoothly. It was once the E train departed from Forest Hills that it almost immediately halted, the exasperated conductor announcing that extensive track work was causing delays. 

“Fucking great,” you muttered. Experience told you that the remainder of the ride would be stop-and-go, which meant more time spent with Eddie. 

He’d exhaled an exasperated sigh of his own, eyes flickering over the subway car and foot tapping to a beat only he could hear. When he finally spoke, it was the last thing you’d expected him to say. 

“Wanna play I Spy?”

“Um, what?”

“Y’know, I spy with my little eye…” he explained, as though you were confused about the game concept.

It took every last ounce of energy not to burst out laughing at his odd request, though it helped that annoyance still tarnished your mood. “All right. Sure.” 

“Cool.” He glanced around again, rubbing his palms over his thighs in concentration. “Okay, I spy with my little eye, something purple.”

Squinting, you searched for shades of lilac and violet. “That woman’s shirt?” You jutted your chin towards an older woman sitting across the car. 

“Nope.”

“That little girl’s shoes?”

Eddie just shook his head, his dimples gradually deepening with each wrong answer you gave. 

Your next three guesses were also incorrect, and Eddie triumphantly pumped his fist when you admitted defeat. 

“It’s the words on that sign,” he said, pointing to an advertisement for psychic readings. 

It was your turn, and it didn’t take you long to find your target. 

“I spy with my little eye, something…douchey.” Your gaze never left his face, watching the skin crease between his brows as he connected your implication. 

Eddie threw his head back and cackled, drawing the ire of your fellow commuters. You shushed him with a hiss, his apathy only fueling your anger. 

“Fine, I guess I deserved that.” He leaned back in his seat and stretched his arms upwards. For a second, you thought he might drape one over your shoulders, but he brought them right back to his lap. 

“You guess?” You gawped, and he laughed even louder. “You were a total asshole to Ben for no reason.”

Eddie’s voice got feather-soft; you had to lean in to hear him. “Trust me; I had a reason.”

You snorted. “What, him offering to help carry the wallpaper threatened your ‘man stuff?’”

“Something like that.” 

Crossing your arms, you shot him a bemused grimace. Whatever testosterone-laden excuse he concocted would just strengthen your irritation, so you saved yourself the headache and  plundered on. 

“Ben and I have been friends since I was born.” That wasn’t an exaggeration; a photo of one-year-old Ben holding newborn you was tucked away in one of Mom’s albums. Dad had snapped the photo while Uncle Mo sat next to his son, helping cradle your head. You were only a few hours old. “Whatever your problem is, don’t make it mine. Or his,” you add.

Eddie had no response to that, and you preferred it that way. Maybe he was learning not to argue with you, especially when he was so obviously wrong.

Your response halted all conversation for the rest of the extended ride and continued during the short trek back to the motel. The quiet was necessary, but not peaceful, and you refused to buckle when an invisible pull urged you to talk again, to push past the discomfort. If you couldn’t outright tell him that he’d upset you, the least he could do was feel that anger.

“Where do these go?” Eddie asked once the motel’s doors closed behind you. You pointed to the supply closet and he ambled over, wincing as the hinges squeaked in a plea for lubrication. “All right, so, I can get started on this tonight if you want.”

You considered this for a moment before shaking your head. The lobby could survive another night with bare walls, but you needed a break. A break not just from Eddie, but from his naivety to his actions having consequences. 

“Tomorrow’s fine.”

He stilled, his hands halfway in his pockets. “I mean, I was going to stop by anyway; I might as well—”

“I think I just need some quiet tonight.” It was the nicest response you could muster, though the way the words passed through your clenched teeth gave away your annoyance. 

“Oh.” His cheeks puffed out as he exhaled a breath of air, his eyes refusing to meet yours. Confusion tied his tongue, but if he didn’t realize the mistake he’d made, you were in no mood to spell it out. He waited a beat for you to follow up, to iron out the creases with an explanation that had nothing to do with his earlier behavior, but that never happened.

The lack of reassurance pained you, too. You despised leaving matters unfinished; part of you wanted to apologize—for what, you weren’t sure—just to have some resolution. 

Eddie raked his fingers through his curls. “Well, I’m sorry for pissing you off, or whatever.”

Or whatever. Those two words almost had you smacking him upside the head with the wallpaper tubes. Maybe sealing his lips with the glue, too. 

The worst part was the shock on his face when you’d wordlessly stormed out of the supply closet towards your room. Like he had no idea what he’d done wrong or why his non-apology fell flat. 

No, that was a lie. The worst part was actually the pang of disappointment in your chest when there were no footsteps pounding down the hall, no knock on your door, no attempt to talk through the situation. As much as you wanted to be left alone, you’d clutched to an optimistic sliver that he would follow you. It was a pathetic need for proof that he cared about you as more than just his employer. As his friend.

But there was nothing.

That silence hurt most of all. 

--

taglist (now closed ♥):

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[indecisiveavocado]

using this to show goyim the kind of stuff jews face

brief note: for quotes, some were replying to other users. Because I do not want them to be harassed, I have removed their name when it appears, and if that bothers you, you are welcome to make a world where I don't need to worry about that. I have also generally not mentioned the name of the antisemites, although in some cases I have, generally if the rhetoric was ridiculously antisemitic and/or I considered it worth flagging so Jews would know they should probably block that user.

further brief note: trigger warnings obviously apply here.

even briefer note: this is a long post

These are actual quotes, by the way.

ACTUAL GODDAMN QUOTES

For reference, here is my post in its entirety:

why are jews skeptical of antizionism? a guide for gentiles I'd be ok with the notion Israel wasn't needed if y'all could be trusted not to fuck it up when Jews needed somewhere to flee. But last time (to put it politely) you fucked it up real bad, and six million Jews died. Fundamentally, antizionism is asking Jews to put our lives in the hands of the same people who saw us screaming for help, who knew that death awaited us, and did all of nothing. Nada. Nil. (As demonstrated by the recent Amsterdam pogrom, Israel is totally ok and often proactive in flying Jews out. Around the same time as Palestinians were being exiled, Jews from all over the Arab world were being driven out in similar numbers. The reason you don't hear about that refugee crisis? Israel accepted them, without complaint or delay or objection, just urgency.) Pardon us for being a bit skeptical of your assertions that it won't happen again when a constant theme throughout our history has been it happening again. This is a slightly modified form of an older, longer, post's tags/tldr.

and the tags:

jumblr, jewish, jewblr, antisemitism, judaism, israel, jewish tumblr, tw antisemitism, anti zionism, shoah mention, tw shoah, amsterdam, amsterdam pogrom, jewish history.

Nothing horribly unreasonable. I made no comments on Gaza. I said I supported the existence of the state of Israel, which is different from supporting its policies. Regardless of what China does to Uyghurs, Uyghurs can and should not take over all of China. You would not be able to reasonably make an inference on my support, or lack thereof, for Israel's conduct in Gaza.

Here are some of the replies in the chat. Bolding is mine.

Israel only exists because the us gave asylum, ended the war and created israel. To turn around and say they did nothing is a gross mistelling of history but i get it, youre jewish. Rewriting history to glorify yourself and demonize everyone else is the cornerstone of your culture

“Pogrom” 🙄 so fucking disrespectful to the actual casualties of historical pogroms around the world. Your football fans couldn’t handle not being racist for five minutes. That shit may fly in Israel but not in Europe. [from a non Jew, seemingly; by the way, the pogrom, which has been widely called such by Jews and was called "reminiscent of a pogrom" by Deborah Lipstadt, current US Special Envoy to Combat Antisemitism, was premediated, before any of that happened, and as I've said before, even if someone is wearing a Trump 2024 shirt and jabbers about woke threats to the country, that is not an excuse to throw them in an almost-freezing river and not let them out until they say "Harris Walz 2024!"]

Why don't you look at your fucking religion for the foot if your problems and you think that you are now safe in occupied Palestine? We are going to sweep you back like garbage. Hi and get your revenge from those who turned you into soap [note that later they say they're Semitic. Those who turned us into soap were European. They're not the same. Unless they're saying Palestinians were Nazis...?]

I'm actually saying the username here, because Jews should immediately put them on their blocklist: michmanbiker. Also from Michmanbiker after I called them antisemitic:

Anti Jewish!!!! I am Semite [sic] and 99 % of Jews are slav mongrels. So cut the bullshit

[I should note here that:

Regardless of its original meaning, antisemitic now means anti-Jewish. It's like how "slave" was originally a synonym of Slav, but you'd be laughed out of the room if you referred to them as synonyms today.

Most Israelis are not Ashkenazi--from central/Eastern Europe, where Slavs live. Most of them are Sephardim -- from Spain, generally living in the Middle East for centuries before being driven out due to an outbreak of antisemitism following the foundation of the State of Israel

Both Sephardim and Ashkenazim are recognizably Middle Eastern genetically

Considering the historical situation in which Jews lived - frequently killed, dispersed as slaves, et cetera - and Judaism frowning on intermarriage and having few converts, it is reasonable to assume that a fair portion of that ancestry is from rape. It's also worth flagging that traditionally Jewish status is passed on from the mother, because the Romans raped so many Jewish women that the rabbis changed it, and there has been a whole book written about gendered violence [read: sexual violence] in the pogroms, as well as one about sexual violence in the Holocaust. This is effectively blaming Jews for being raped.]

EDIT two days later (November 26, 2024): I got a new one! A user, youngsuitrunaway, posted the following:

How tf did I get this dirty disgusting primitive idea of pro Zionism in my recommended

EDIT again four days later (November 30, 2024): youngsuitrunaway replied with an absolute gem:

@indecisiveavocado Yeah you're getting reported to the FBI for this. You have one day to take it down

(the FBI reporting stuff is for criminal/terrorist activity)

One user said the following about Israel:

I go into youre property and say i want the half of it

This superficially sounds reasonable. As I replied, it is not:

No. Two people are living in a region. One is lesser in number because they were *forcibly exiled as slaves*. A neutral group draws up a plan for two states. One group accepts it. The other group, aided by every other country around them, rejects it and attempts to destroy the other group. Miraculously, the smaller group not only survives, but takes some land. (It also loses some - Jews were expelled from the Jewish Quarter of Jerusalem following the first war).

From thegreatkhan, who I am again naming because they seem fairly active and at first glance reasonably innocuous in name and description:

How about you stop playing victim and just admit that the world is fucking tired of Israel atrocities?

I replied,

you realize that it's not inherent to a state of Israel? Zionism does not imply being a supporter of every action of Israel. It means being a supporter of the fact that Israel gets to exist. It's like confusing "Americanism" (to coin a phrase), which properly refers to "yes, the United States of America gets to exist" with "from 2017-early 2021 you supported every single action taken by the US government!!!". Or, for you (since you're Spanish), confusing thinking that Spain as a country should exist with supporting the Spanish Inquisition.

Instead of engaging with this, he repeated the precise same thing.

And

Isrelies are not a fucking marginalized community. If they were a marginalized community they would not be getting billions in help from the United States. [note that he's conflating Israel with Jews]

Considering your [not mine; this was in a reply to another user] post about the dropout apology, I don't care much about whatever you have to say. Israel is committing genocide, and supporting the existence of Israel in any way shape or form is the same as supporting said genocide. [So if I think Myanmar should not have been colonized by the British, I'm supporting the Rohingya genocide?] If people believe that the land of Israel belongs to them for some kind of special gift or god [that's not why I said it should exist - I am agnostic] then that's their problem. Nobody is special, and there's no excuse to go around stealing houses and land then claiming you are the victim. I desire the worst for anyone that supports Israel, whatever their background. [I have yet to see any examples of thegreatkhan harassing Evangelical Christian users, who are generally also pro-Israel. If that's false, I welcome corrections. But when you only harass Jews, instead of the much, much, larger Evangelical Christian segment of Zionism, it comes off as sketchy]

Michmanbiker drops in:

Jews are not a race they are a religion [we're both, it's called an ethnoreligion, it's fascinating!], a filthy one at that, 99% of Jews don't have one drop of Semite blood in their veins. The whole premise for that abhorrent thing you call Israel is based on a lie. Everything Jewish is a lie including Jews being Jews as you are all sons and daughters of Shikshas. Your common traits are cowardly, evil meek and weak. I guess that makes you a people.

Switching back to thegreatkhan's better concealed antisemitism (michmanbiker is actually fairly weird, their rhetoric is closer to rightwing antisemitism, but they are clearly left-wing. Evidence in support of the horseshoe theory):

How about you isrelies stop committing genocide? It's a pet peeve of mine, sorry.

This is my response:

I...I'm not Israeli. I've never even been to Israel. The only way for you to infer that I'm Israeli from this post is to have a) not looked at my profile, where I say I am a Pittsburgher, and you may not realize this but PITTSBURGH IS NOT IN ISRAEL, which is in itself ok, and b) assumed that everyone Jewish [or Zionist, I forgot to mention that] is Israeli. I have no more ability to influence Bibi than you do. I am not a citizen of Israel and, despite y'all, I am not planning on becoming one soon. I have never been to Palestine. I don't see how I could possibly be committing genocide. Oh, that's right! You equate all Jews with Israelis! Gee, that's not antisemitic. Hey, while we're doing this - how the hell do you justify supporting the Spanish Inquisition, which you clearly do, since you're Spanish [it's in his profile]? How about Spanish colonization? What do you think of Columbus's genocidal actions? Very hypocritical of you to support genocide (what do you think Columbus did, what are you, brainwashed) when it's the Spanish doing it, but hate it when it's the Jews. Spain shouldn't exist, it should all be given to the Basques. All Spanish people (except for the Basques of course) are devils (hey, you called Israelis that [no, I'm not joking, I wish I was joking], it's not like genocide is any less bad when it's in the past)! Oh and by the way I'm not anti-Spanish cause ACKSHULLY Spanish can also refer to Basques and I'm pro-Basque."

thegreatkhan completely missed the point and replied

I actually left Spain years ago [so you were there, which means my extremeness was slightly more justified than yours], and never looked back, and I'm working hard, (through legal means, and not just arriving at a new place and throwing someone out of their house like isrelies do [Tel Aviv was founded legally, most of them were founded legally, after purchasing land, and this was after we had been thrown out of our house - right of return, anyone?]) to bring my dad over. I'm a Spanish republican, and andalucian. I do believe that Basque country should be independent [christ, it was an example!], same as many of other Spanish counties that have been for centuries treated like shit by the central fascist government of franco. Unlike isrelies, i actually work hard to put my money where my mouth is, but I can't expect a tribe of child killers and rapists to comprehend that.

(The child killer argument, by the way, was frequently used to justify violence against Jews in the MIddle Ages. Worth flagging.)

All of this on a post that mentioned supporting the existence of a country. For no other country are supporting the country's existence and actions conflated. If someone says that they don't think Russia should be invaded and taken over by Finland, we don't accuse them of supporting Putin and genocide in Ukraine. If someone says that they don't think Eritrea should be invaded by Ethiopia, we don't accuse them of supporting what's been called the African North Korea. If someone says Afghanistan shouldn't be taken over by Pakistan, we don't accuse them of supporting the Taliban. If someone says why they don't support the British taking over Myanmar (again), we don't accuse them of supporting the Rohingya genocide. If someone says they don't think France should recolonize Mauritania, we don't accuse them of supporting slavery (Mauritania being the last country to outlaw slavery, in the 1980s, and, according to some estimates, a fifth of their population is enslaved). If they don't think the UK should conquer Iran, we don't accuse them of supporting sharia law and despising women. If they say Turkey shouldn't take over Saudi Arabia, we don't accuse them of hating women.

In fact, in many of those cases, it doesn't come up. It's accepted: of course Tibetans shouldn't run China, of course Russia has a right to exist, even if it commits atrocities.

All of those countries I listed--Russia, China, Eritrea, Afghanistan, Myanmar, Mauritania, Iran, Saudi Arabia--are committing human rights abuses, sometimes genocide. But you still don't need to explain why China and Myanmar deserve to exist.

[librarycards]

do you have any resources or advice on how to help people who have manic episodes or who could possibly harm others according to antipsych principles? my friend diagnosed with bipolar disorder has been looking into checking themself into a hospital, and their home situation isn’t the best though their dad somewhat tries to be supportive, but i wonder what other options there are. the most i can do is offer some emotional support and give advice since i live too far away to be of much help otherwise. sorry if this is the wrong place to ask.

hello, and thanks for your patience on my response - this week has been busy and i'm only just now getting to asks!

here is an excellent piece by Stefanie Lyn Kaufman-Mthimkhulu on providing support for comrades in crisis, many of these tips are very applicable to distance-relationships too! bipolar comrades/others who have manic episodes are also welcome and very encouraged to reply and share what kinds of supports work best for them.

There are also a series of free zines/books by the Fireweed Collective (FKA the Icarus Project), particularly Navigating The Space Between Brilliance And Madness: A Reader & Roadmap Of Bipolar Worlds. This is a great way to learn more about a variety of bipolar experiences to better contextualize your friend's.

here are some tips based on personal experience being close to multiple people with bipolar, while not being bipolar myself:

create balance within yourself + project it - it's tempting to get yourself wrapped up in others' big feelings, especially if they trigger you. but it's crucially important to maintain a (porous!) barrier between you and your friend, both as a way of maintaining your own peace and providing something sturdy for them to lean on. this means taking what they say/do in the midst of crisis and placing it "beside" your own feelings, rather than integrating it and responding viscerally in the moment.

neither "reality checking" nor "reality confirming". this is tricky. it's pointless to tell someone "you're wrong, you can't do that, etc." when they're experiencing a different reality than you. it is also harmful to encourage someone to act on beliefs that are not actually aligned with their values, but instead the result of a state of crisis. i try to use phrases like "that sounds ___," "that must be ____," "i can see how you'd feel ____" and similar, both to affirm their own lived experience and to avoid reifying it as objective truth.

know when to step away. mania is draining for literally everyone involved, and what people do to their loved ones in the midst of a manic episode can be incredibly harmful, even if occurring alongside grand gestures of generosity, productivity, etc. you are not your friend's keeper, and your feelings and well-being matter just as much as theirs. do you both have mutual friends you can tap into to provide support when you're burnt out? these friends might also be able to offer some strategies that you or i haven't thought of. it's important to say that this support shouldn't be constant "did you use substances today" "did you drive recklessly today" other surveillance type stuff. try to maintain a normal rhythm to your conversations, and when something that makes you go ??? comes up, try framing your response as a question. "i'm going to finish writing and editing my novel today and start two new books and apply for this and that grant" - you could say, "that's a ton of stuff. why do you need to do it all today?" this creates space for other possibilities without forcing it.

your friend doesn't need advice right now, they need support! the person who needs advice, i think, is your friend's dad. are you and him directly in touch, and is there any way that you could get in touch with him? since you're online, i don't know the details here; it may work best when your friend is no longer manic and you two can speak frankly about how best to support them. i do suggest making a crisis plan with him/whoever they're close to irl.

I hope this is somewhat helpful!

[workersolidarity]

[ 📹 Civil Defense crews pull the body of a casualty out from under the rubble of his home after the Israeli occupation forces bombed residential buildings in the Nuseirat Refugee Camp, in the central Gaza Strip on Saturday. ]

🇮🇱⚔️🇵🇸 🚀🏘️💥🚑 🚨

274 DAYS OF GENICIDE IN THE GAZA STRIP: FUEL RUNS DRY AS HOSPITALS STRUGGLE TO CONTINUE OPERATING, MORE THAN 10'000 PALESTINIANS NOW MISSING UNDER THE RUBBLE, MORE MASSACRES AS ISRAELI OCCUPATION FORCES TARGET CIVILIAN HOMES ENDLESSLY

On 274th day of the Israeli occupation's ongoing special genocide operation in the Gaza Strip, the Israeli occupation forces (IOF) committed a total of 3 new massacres of Palestinian families, resulting in the deaths of no less than 29 Palestinian civilians, mostly women and children, while another 100 others were wounded over the previous 24-hours.

It should be noted that as a result of the constant Israeli bombardment of Gaza's healthcare system, infrastructure, residential and commercial buildings, local paramedic and civil defense crews are unable to recover countless hundreds, even thousands, of victims who remain trapped under the rubble, or who's bodies remain strewn across the streets of Gaza.

This leaves the official death toll vastly undercounted as Gaza's healthcare officials are unable to accurately tally those killed and maimed in this genocide, which must be kept in mind when considering the scale of the mass murder.

Gaza's Ministry of Health is giving warning today, Saturday, July 6th, on the potential repercussions for the ongoing fuel crises on the few remaining healthcare facilities operating in the Gaza Strip, in light of the austerity measures hospitals have been forced to implement as a result of the scarcity of fuel as the Israeli occupation continued blocking deliveries to the Strip.

In a press conference on Saturday, the Ministry said, "we warn again of the continuing fuel crisis needed to operate hospital generators, oxygen stations, and medicine refrigerators in all health facilities remaining in operation in the Gaza Strip."

"Severe austerity measures are being followed in the face of the distillation policy of supplying very small quantities of fuel," the Ministry continued, going on to add that "many departments within the remaining hospitals operating in the sector have been shut down due to the crisis."

This comes even as the Israeli occupation army continues its bombing campaign, leaving scores of dead and wounded who arrive at hospitals in Gaza with horrific trauma injuries, many of which require intensive care and services such as oxygen that have been in critical shortage since May. That's when the Zionist army took over the Palestinian side of the Rafah and Karm Abu Salem border crossings, burning the Rafah crossing to the ground and preventing humanitarian aid deliveries, including fuel imports.

According to the Palestinian state-run WAFA News Agency, just 15 out of 36 hospitals in the Gaza Strip remain in operation, all of them only partially functional, and are all facing a severe shortage of staff, medicines, and medical supplies, including essentials such as anesthesia and antibiotics, leaving healthcare personnel struggling to save lives as the occupation's shelling continues to target civilian neighborhoods.

Additionally, approximately 500 healthcare workers have been killed since the start of the occupation's genocide in Gaza, with hundreds more that have been wounded in Israeli attacks, while the Zionist army has arrested at least 310 medical personnel and destroyed more than 130 ambulances over the last 9 months.

Previously, the World Health Organization (WHO) warned that the volume of medicines and medical supplies entering the Gaza Strip is insufficient to sustain the healthcare response, while medical evacuations from Gaza for medical treatment abroad also remain suspended.

The Israeli occupation continues to violate the essential rights of Palestinian civilians. International institutions, as well as human rights organizations and the United Nations, have confirmed that the targeting of hospitals and Gaza's healthcare system is a clear violation of the principles and standards of international humanitarian law and the Fourth Geneva Convention, which guarantees special protections for hospitals and health centers during armed conflict and war, and that targeting them constitutes a crime against humanity and a war crime.

Despite this, the Zionist entity continues to target Palestinian hospitals and healthcare infrastructure in the Gaza Strip, completely disregarding all international and humanitarian laws.

On Friday, the Director-General of the WHO, Tedros Ghebreyesus, warned of catastrophic consequences to Gaza's healthcare system as a result of the fuel shortage, mentioning that just 90'000 liters (23'775 gallons) of fuel entered Gaza on Wednesday, while the health sector alone needs some 80'000 liters (21'134 gallons) per day just to continue its current level of operations, forcing health centers in the Palestinian enclave to make "impossible choices," according to the Director-General.

In other news on Saturday, according to estimates from the human rights organization, Euro-Mediterranean Human Rights Monitor (Euro-Med), more than 10'000 Palestinians remain missing under the rubble of the Gaza Strip.

The organization also gave a warning that there is no realistic way of finding those buried under the rubble due to the impossibility of retrieving bodies and storing them, this at a time when no international humanitarian movement can assist in retrieval efforts.

Euro-Med Monitor additionally highlighted that the families of victims of the Israeli occupation's deadly military attacks, which are entering their tenth month, face enormous challenges in recovering the bodies of their dead, with a profound lack of equipment and heavy machinery for civil defense crews, as well as the Zionist entity's ban on the entry of any equipment from outside the Gaza Strip.

Euro-Med Monitor also says it has documented repeated patterns of the Zionist entity's approach of preventing and obstructing the recovery of Palestinian victims and missing persons from under the rubble, including the repeated targeting of civil defense and rescue crews attempting to recover the dead and wounded, while also preventing the entry of fuel needed to operate heavy machinery, which is also being blocked from entering the enclave.

Meanwhile, in more news on the ground, the Israeli occupation forces continued their atrocities against the Palestinian population of the Gaza Strip today, bombing and shelling civilian homes and public infrastructure, while continuing to block humanitarian aid from reaching the civilian population.

On Saturday, the Israeli occupation army intensified its airstrikes on various sites in different areas of the Gaza Strip, while occupation armored vehicles made limited incursions into neighborhoods east of the Bureij Camp, in the central Gaza Strip, killing at least 20 Palestinians since dawn.

For several hours this morning, Israeli fighter jets bombed homes in the Nuseirat Camp, also in central Gaza, killing 10 civilians, including 9 from the Jahjouh family.

An occupation warplane also bombed a residential home belonging to the Abu Shakyan family in the Nuseirat Camp, in the central Gaza Strip, killing 10 civilians and wounding a number of others, including 7 brothers.

Zionist forces also bombed a residential house in the Wadi al-Salqa area in the central Gaza Strip, killing two Palestinians and wounding a number of others, while occupation artillery shelling hammered several sites in the Central Governate, with a particular focus on the northern and western neighborhoods of the Nuseirat Camp, in addition to the east of the Al-Maghazi Camp.

According to reporting by WAFA News Agency, the Israeli occupation forces bombed a house and a warehouse belonging to the United Nations Relief and Works Agency for Palestine (UNRWA), in the Al-Maghazi and Nuseirat Refugee Camps respectively, killing at least 9 civilians.

In another atrocious crime, the Israeli occupation forces bombed the home of the Kart family, adjacent to the Al-Hurriya School in the Al-Zaytoun neighborhood, southeast of Gaza City, killing an elderly man and his wife who were taken to Al-Ahli Baptist Hospital in the city.

Witnesses also reported limited advances by Zionist armored vehicles into the east of the Al-Bureij Camp, in conjuction with occupation drones which randomly fired behind the Bureij cemetery.

At the same time, south of Gaza, occupation warplanes bombed sites east of the town of Al-Fokhari, east of Khan Yunis, with no casualties reported in the strikes.

North of Gaza, witnesses reported hearing a massive explosion that came from the Al-Shujaiya neighborhood, east of the city of Gaza, which could be heard from the west of the city, while the Zionist army continues its systematic destruction of Palestinian housing, also in the Al-Shujaiya neighborhood.

Occupation artillery shelling also targeted neighborhoods east of the Al-Zaytoun neighborhood, southeast of Gaza City, while an Israeli helicopter intermittently fired on the area.

According to Palestinian sources, a total of 5 journalists have been killed in Israeli bombing and shelling in different areas of the Gaza Strip over the last 12 hours, including Saadi Madoukh, Adeeb Sakr, Amjad Jahjouh and his wife Wafaa Abu Dabaan, and Rizq Abu Ashkian.

This brings the number of journalists killed in the genocide to a total of 159 since October 7th, 2023.

Previously, as the Israeli occupation forces bombed across Gaza City last night, an occupation warplane bombed a residential house belonging to the journalist Saadi Madoukh and his family in the Al-Sahaba area of the Al-Daraj neighborhood, east of Gaza City, killing 3 Palestinian civilians and wounding several others.

The Israeli occupation army continued its war crimes when it bombed a house belonging to the Abu Shaar family, in the Al-Nafaq area of central Gaza City, resulting in the deaths of two children and wounding a number of others who were transferred to Al-Ahli Baptist Hospital in the city.

The genocide continued with another occupation airstrike that targeted a civilian vehicle in the Al-Shakoush area, northwest of Rafah, in the south of Gaza, resulting in the deaths of six Palestinians and wounding several others.

The Zionist army also used artillery to shell a gathering of civilians in the vicinity of the Al-Salbah area of the Al-Zaytoun neighborhood, southeast of Gaza City, killing two Palestinians and wounding several others.

As a result of the Israeli occupation's ongoing war of extermination in the Gaza Strip, the infinitely rising death toll now exceeds 38'098 Palestinians killed, including at least 10'000 women and well over 15'000 children, while another 87'705 others have been wounded since the start of the current round of Zionist aggression, beginning with the events of October 7th, 2023.

July 6th, 2024.

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#videosource

@WorkerSolidarityNews

[gay-dorito-dust]

I am in a constant state of Sephiroth brainrot so I totally get you, he’s just so beautiful 😭

Anyways, could I request some cuddling headcanons with him please? More specifically Crisis Core/pre-Nibelheim Sephiroth because I think he’d be more willing to cuddle, lol

He’s so tall so I feel like cuddling with him would be super comforting!

This is probably ooc for him but we’ll live with it for the headcannon. Also idk if this is what was expected but here, have it. I tried.

Sephiroth, at first, would be likely unaware of the concept of cuddling until you brought it up to him one day. He wouldn’t be the type to reframe himself from indulging himself in something you considered a comfort…unless it’s within the timeframe of his missions then no, he wouldn’t be able to indulge you during those times. He’s a hero after all so his duty as one is top priority.

Other then that he’ll happily oblige to your whims -within reason of course- but other then that Sephiroth happily lets himself become your personal body pillow and heater with how warm he was which was one of the main reasons why you loved to cuddle yourself into his side; More specifically on those rainy days where he would be aloud some time off and catch up on some light reading with a blanket draped over your laps.

The first time you cuddled, Sephiroth was stiff as a floorboard. So much so you were scared that he was going to strain a muscle of his if he wasn’t careful. You lifted your head from his chest to stare worriedly into his cat like eyes. ‘Sephiroth, relax.’ You told him as you placed your hand against his cheek, your thumb caressing the skin stretched across his cheek bones as he hummed in content, almost akin to a cat purring, as his eyes drifted to a close for a millisecond under your touch before opening again to look into your eyes

his features softened in tandem with his muscles as they obeyed your words almost immediately. You attempted to put your head on his chest once again and this time there was a more notable difference. He wasn’t tense but he still wasn’t fully relaxed almost as though there were parts of him that couldn’t fully relaxed under any circumstance no matter how hard you try to console them. They were just. There.

However you couldn’t complain as you found your hand slipping from his cheek onto his chest where his hand then came up to press against him tenderly as his warmth seeped into your palm and your cheek then throughout the rest of your body. ‘You’re warm’ you hummed in content as your eyes closed as sephiroth’s warmth lulled you into a state that tiptoes to and fro across continuous and unconscious.

His presence already brought you to relaxation but once he allowed his other arm to cage your against his chest as he moved over so that his back was facing the door to the room you shared, you immediate felt a wave of protection come over you. With his tally frame, it was like a wall had been put in front of you, a warm, comforting, protective but strong wall. Some of his silver locks would fall from his shoulder and cascaded over you like a waterfall or a curtain equivalent but it made your first cuddle session with Sephiroth all the more magical in your eyes as his hair forced your eyes to focus on him and only him. Which you weren’t complaining.

After that, cuddling became somewhat of a thing you both indulged in on a plethora of occasions. Each time it was always with Sephiroth setting himself into positions where he could quite easily protect you from all harm. When you asked him about why he preferred it that way, his only response was so that he could keep you safe but also because of how he came to like how you felt cuddled up against his frame that he almost felt possessive in certain instances. He felt like your guardian angel, your protector and he kept to it almost as seriously as he did his job.

Yet I’d like to think there are moments where you got to be the one with Sephiroth cuddled into your side, despite how humorous that may look to have SOLDIER’s number 1 war hero with his face pressed deep against your neck and or chest with his arms clutching your waist with an iron grip like you were his personal teddy bear he’d like to hold after a nightmare.

As much as Sephiroth enjoyed being a comfort to you, you enjoyed being a comfort for him during his worse days. You don’t tend to speak during those moments as you didn’t want to dig up whenever Sephiroth tried so hard to keep buried within. However you do communicate through your actions as once he walks through the door and you could see the fatigue within his eyes, you wordlessly stand up from the bed and open your arms towards him and watch as he picks you up in his arms and brings you back into bed.

Where Sephiroth would quickly cage you in his arms and bury his head into your neck as his hair slipped off his shoulder and pools itself onto you in a silky soft heap that held a bit of weight to it due to how much hair there was on the man. How he maintains it you’ll never know. But you also found out that if you were to run your fingers through those silky tresses of his, he’d sink further into your touch and might -might- even fall asleep against you if he were tired enough.

As I mentioned before, During rainy days where Sephiroth got some time off, he likes to catch up on some light reading. When he does, you made it apparent in keeping him company as you both sat yourselves down on the couch that was strategically angled so that the light from the windows as the rain splatters against them would give the room a bit of an ambiance. Talking wasn’t a necessity for the two of you whenever you cuddled, no matter where ever it maybe, for what could words express that your actions couldn’t?

So you would tuck yourself into his side, other times you’d be sitting on his lap, face buried a giant his chest or against his neck as his shoulder acted as a makeshift pillow for you but Sephiroth always insisted that you’d pick a position that wouldn’t give you a crocked neck later on. You most likely never head his advice and he could only sigh in bemusement at your predicament when you did eventually get a crooked neck from cuddling him at an odd position.

Either way, you’d have a blanket tossed over you both as you sink deeper in his warmth as he read passages of his book aloud with that voice of his that only ended up making you sleepier then usual. Sephiroth would soon join you, though after he moves you both to the bed for more comfort before bringing you back into his warmth where you subtly cling to him like a koala which never failed to humour him.

[gelpensoncomics]

Guy Gardner: A Study of Heroes and Head Trauma

SO! It's July, which is disability pride month here in the United States where I live! I figured it would be appropriate to kick things off by talking about a character who has a mixed reputation, to say the least: Guy Gardner, Green Lantern. He's been around since the Silver Age of comics, and his characterization has been through some serious ups and downs over the years! But what if I told you that it's not inconsistent writing? What if I told you there is a lens with which to view his shifting behavioral patterns and at times abrasive and offensive personality that makes it all come into focus and make perfect sense, and it's all already there on the page? I'm here to give you that lens, and it's viewing Guy Gardner as a man who has suffered multiple traumatic brain injuries and managed to heal over time. Buckle up, this is probably going to be a long one, and it's pretty image heavy as I try to back up as much as I am claiming that I can.

So the first thing I will start with is establishing Guy's former baseline. This is not the post where I will go incredibly in-depth on Guy's full family history and his education, I'll save that for another time. Here, I simply aim to sum up. Guy Gardner met Hal Jordan for the first time in the 1991 title Green Lantern: Emerald Dawn, a volume that served as an updated backstory for the Silver Age hero after Crisis on Infinite Earths. Hal was in prison to serve a 90 day sentence for drunk driving. Guy Gardner was Hal Jordan's caseworker.

"What? Huh? That's Guy Gardner?" You, the hypothetical reader ask. What happened to him?!

A lot. A lot happened to him, and it took him from a man who gave the advice to "Use your rage! Don't let it use you!" to a man who is known as the rude angry ginger lantern. First off, he got hit by a bus. No, I'm not being metaphorical or making a joke. See, he quit his job as a prison case worker because he didn't like how the job made him feel, especially after he was caught up in a prison riot and threatened with death at the hands of a prisoner there. So he put his second degree to use and he became a teacher. Specifically, he became a physical education teacher for disabled children.And then there was an earthquake, and he was hit by a bus while attempting to rescue one of the students on a field trip he was running, nearly dying in the process.

Now, I will say: he got better. This time. See, no sooner had he recovered from this incident, as he was filling in for Hal as Green Lantern he was exploded in the line of duty and sent to a parallel dimension. In that parallel dimension he was tortured, and Sinestro used a dangerous and severe form of mind control that, when it was finally broken, left Guy... well, the comics call him comatose, but he is conscious, he is just not responsive to the environment around him or able to care for himself.

For years, he remained in this state, with his care at a top-notch hospital paid for by fellow superheros. And then, during the Crisis on Infinite Earths event, a miracle happened. Guy regained consciousness.

But the Guy who came out of that vegetative state wasn't the same man who fell into it. Or at least, not exactly. He was angrier. His fuse was shorter. Perhaps most upsetting of all, one of the first actions he took upon regaining consciousness was attempted grave robbery.

"Gelpens, what the fuck," you ask me. I know. It's a lot. Bear with me here. See, he didn't wake up on his own. The Guardians of Oa woke him up, using their tremendous cosmic powers to attempt to heal his brain damage so they could deploy him to help during the Crisis.

Sure, Guy got his strength back. He was able to function as a Green Lantern. But he still wasn't the same as he was before his coma. He stayed angry, and confrontational, and was frequently known to make inappropriate comments that failed to fit the setting he was in or the bounds of good taste. He had a constant chip on his shoulder, very different from the man who was concerned about controlling his anger so it couldn't use him.

This all came to a head in a series of events that is frankly infamous in comics circles. Almost every fan I know of who knows Guy Gardner knows about the time Batman got fed up with his confrontational rude attitude and laid him out with a single punch to the face.

The thing people don't remember about that punch is that, seeing as it was the 90s, and comics writers had learned a few things about the brain, they decided to use it to make... let's call it a running joke. See, after Guy regained consciousness, he was much more like the guy he was before all that head trauma. He was polite, cared about being a team player and not trying to prove himself, he didn't go for lethal force!

Of course, this didn't last. No, the whole 'joke' here was that Batman punched him hard enough to rattle his brain, and he would occasionally jump from being a sweet, friendly team player to, in the words of the narration box the first time he got hit on the head again, his new old "thoroughly rotten" self (I know). Slowly but surely though, Guy did get better, and start to stay better. His mood stabilized, he gained more self-control, he started making better plans and he was much less angry as a default. And it's kept going! This train keeps chugging along! He isn't so angry anymore! He has it under control!

And honestly? This moment, right here? This is the crowning jewel in my thesis, I think.

Guy has a Red Lantern ring and a Star Sapphire ring. For those of you less familiar with the extended Green Lantern lore, the Red Lanterns run off rage. The Star Sapphires are powered by love. Outside of willpower, the emotions that are the most powerful within him are his rage and anger, and his love for his friends. And what does he fuel them with, when it comes down to the wire? When willpower alone isn't enough? The thing he hates most is being filled with rage. The thing he loves the most is his friends.

So. I don't think Guy was ever just an angry, sexist, rude asshole at his core. Is he the same as he was before the injury, before all that happened to him? Of course not. Nobody goes through life completely unchanged by what happens to them.

I think he injured his brain and lost his ability to regulate his emotions and impulses for a while. The road to recovery was far from smooth. It just took him some time to heal and be in a place to act like the man he wanted to be all along. But in my opinion? I think he's there now.

[honeybeesources]

BO  BURNHAM:  INSIDE  SENTENCE  STARTERS! (Change  as needed.  NSFW  and  triggering  content  ahead.)

CONTENT "Interesting,  now  leave  me  alone." "Sorry  that  I  look  like  a  mess." "I  booked  a  haircut,  but  it  got  rescheduled." "Might  not  help,  but  still,  it  couldn't  hurt." "I'm  sorry  I  was  gone." "It's  a  beautiful  day  to  stay  inside."

COMEDY "What  the  fuck  is  going  on?" "It's  like  everything  happened  all  at  once." "Um,  what  the  fuck  is  going  on?" "The  more  I  look,  the  more  I  see  nothing  to  joke  about." "Should  I  leave  you  alone?" "Should  I  be  joking  at  a  time  like  this?" "The  world  is  so...  fucked  up." "Don't  panic." "Call  me  and  I'll  tell  you  a  joke." "I  swore  I'd  never  be  back,  but  now  I'm  back  on  my  feet."

FACETIME  WITH  MY  MOM  (TONIGHT) "Pour  me  a  drink  and  clear  my  schedule." "Oh,  look  who's  here." "How  you  doing,  bud?" "I'm  not  so  bad." "That's  the  deepest  talk  we've  ever  had."

HOW  THE  WORLD  WORKS "The  world  that's  around  us  is  pretty  amazing." "But  how  does  it  work?" "It  must  be  complicated." "Everything  works  together." "That  is  how  the  world  works." "That's  how  it  works." "Hey,  everyone." "Look  who  stopped  by  to  say  hello.  It's  [muse  name]!" "Where've  you  been,  [muse  name]?" "Not  quite  dead,  not  quite  alive." "It's  similar  to  a  constant  state  of  sleep  paralysis." "Boy,  that  sounds  complicated." "How  about  you  give  it  a  try?" "Don't  you  know  the  world  is  built  with  blood?" "That's  pretty  intense." "No  shit." "Read  a  book  or  something,  I  don't  know." "Just  don't  burden  me  with  the  responsibility  of  educating  you." "It's  incredibly  exhausting." "I  was  just  trying  to  become  a  better  person." "Wait,  wait,  wait,  no,  please!" "I  don't  want  to  go  back.  Please." "I  can't  go,  I  can't  go  back." "Are  you  gonna  behave  yourself?" "Yes,  what?" "Yes,  sir." "I  hope  you  learned  your  lesson."

WHITE  WOMAN'S  INSTAGRAM "Is  this  heaven?" "I  can't  believe  it." "It's  been  a  decade  since  you've  been  gone." "I  miss  you." "It's  got  a  little  better,  but  it's  still  hard." "Still  figuring  out  how  to  keep  living  with  you." "I  got  a  job  I  love  and  my  own  apartment." "I  got  a  boyfriend  and  I'm  crazy  about  him." "I'm  crazy  about  him."

UNPAID  INTERN "Who  needs  a  coffee?" "I'm  writing  down  the  orders  now  for  everyone." "The  coffee  is  free,  just  like  me." "I'm  an  unpaid  intern." "You  work  all  day,  go  back  to  your  dorm."

BEZOS  I/II "Come  on,  [muse  name],  you  can  do  it." "Pave  the  way,  put  your  back  into  it." "Tell  us  why." "Show  us  how." "Look  at  where  you  came  from." "Look  at  you  now." "Amateurs  can  fucking  suck  it." "You  did  it!" "Congratulations!"

SEXTING "It  isn't  sex,  it's  the  next  best  thing." "I'm  in  bed." "I'm  ready  to  go  with  you." "Tonight,  I'm  thinking  of  taking  it  slow." "That's  pretty  abstract." "Crisis  averted.  Thank  God." "Are  you  naked?" "I'm  getting  hot  at  just  the  thought  of  what  I'd  do  to  you." "I  love  you,  baby." "Send  a  picture  of  your  tits,  please." "Jesus  fucking  Christ,  I  guess  I  never  learn." "I  sent  my  titties,  that's  not  fair." "Another  night  on  my  own."

LOOK  WHO'S  INSIDE  AGAIN "There  isn't  much  more  to  say  about  it." "You'll  do  any  old  shit  to  get  out  of  it." "Try  telling  jokes." "Look  who's  inside  again." "Went  out  to  look  for  a  reason  to  hide  again." "Come  out  with  your  hands  up." "We've  got  you  surrounded."

PROBLEMATIC "Please  forgive  me." "I  did  not  realize  what  I  did." "Are  you  gonna  hold  me  accountable?" "Isn't  anybody  gonna  hold  me  accountable?" "I  wanna  show  you  how  I'm  growing  as  a  person." "I  tried  to  hide  behind  my  childhood,  and  that's  not  okay." "My  actions  are  my  own,  I  won't  explain  them  away." "I've  done  a  lot  of  self-reflecting." "I  was  totally  wrong  when  I  said  it." "My  bed  is  empty  and  I'm  getting  cold." "What  should  I  do  with  it?" "I've  been  totally  awful." "I'm  really  fucking  sorry."

30 "I  used  to  run  for  miles." "I  used  to  ride  my  bike." "I  used  to  wake  up  with  a  smile." "I'm  turning  thirty." "God  damn  it!" "Now,  my  stupid  friends  are  having  stupid  children." "I'll  be  forty  and  I'll  kill  myself  then."

DON'T  WANNA  KNOW "How  are  you  feeling?" "Do  you  like  the  show?" "Are  you  tired  of  it?" "Never  mind,  I  don't  wanna  know." "Are  you  finding  it  boring?" "Do  I  have  your  attention?" "Yes,  or  no?" "Are  you  on  your  phone?" "Is  there  anyone  out  there?" "Am  I  all  alone?" "It  wouldn't  make  a  difference." "I  thought  it'd  be  over  by  now."

SHIT "How  we  feeling  out  there  tonight?" "I  am  not  feeling  good." "Feeling  like  a  bag  of  shit." "All  my  clothes  are  dirty,  so  I'm  smelling  like  a  bag  of  shit." "OMG,  that  is  just  my  luck." "What's  up,  you  useless  fuck?" "Are  you  feeling  what  I'm  feeling?" "I  haven't  had  a  shower  in  the  last  nine  days." "Staring  at  the  ceiling  and  waiting  for  this  feeling  go  away." "It  won't  go  away." "I'm  not  really  feeling  like  I  wanna  get  lit." "Tell  us  how  you're  feeling." "Well,  I  feel  like  shit." "Feeling  like  a  saggy,  massive  sack  of  shit." "Big  ol'  motherfucking  duffle  bag  of  shit." "Are  you  feeling  like  shit?" "Tell  me,  are  you  feeling  like  shit?"

ALL  TIME  LOW "My  current  mental  health  is  rapidly  approaching  an  ATL.  Which  is,  um,  that's  an  all-time  low." "You  know,  I  feel  OK  when  I'm  asleep." "Like,  when  I'm  asleep,  I  feel  all  right." "It's  basically  from  the  moment  I  wake  up,  I  just  get  this  feeling  in  my  body,  way  down  deep  inside  me." "I  try  not  to  fight  it." "My  heart,  it  gets  to  tappin',  and  I  think  I'm  gonna  die." "Um,  yeah,  not  doing  great."

WELCOME  TO  THE  INTERNET "Have  a  look  around." "If  none  of  it's  of  interest  to  you,  you'd  be  the  first." "Come  and  take  a  seat." "There's  no  need  to  panic,  this  isn't  a  test." "Just  nod  or  shake  your  head  and  we'll  do  the  rest." "Be  happy,  be  horny,  be  bursting  with  rage." "Don't  act  surprised." "Could  I  interest  you  in  everything  all  of  the  time?" "Apathy's  a  tragedy  and  boredom  is  a  crime." "You  know?  It  wasn't  always  like  this." "We  set  our  sights  and  spent  our  nights  waiting  for  you." "Now,  look  at  you.  Look  at  you." "If  we  stick  together,  who  knows  what  we'll  do?"

THAT  FUNNY  FEELING "I  can't  really  play  the  guitar  very  well,  or  sing." "Apologies." "The  backlash  to  the  backlash  to  the  thing  that's  just  begun." "There  it  is  again,  that  funny  feeling." "The  whole  world  at  your  fingertips,  the  ocean  at  your  door." "Full  agoraphobic,  losing  focus,  cover  blown." "The  quiet  comprehending  of  the  ending  of  it  all." "Hey,  what  can  you  say?  We  were  overdue." "It'll  be  over  soon,  you  wait."

ALL  EYES  ON  ME "Get  your  fuckin'  hands  up." "Get  on  out  of  your  seats." "All  eyes  on  me,  all  eyes  on  me." "Are  you  feeling  nervous?" "Are  you  having  fun?" "It's  almost  over." "It's  just  begun." "Don't  overthink  this,  look  in  my  eye." "Don't  be  scared,  don't  be  shy." "Come  on  in,  the  water's  fine." "Heads  down,  pray  for  me." "You  wanna  hear  a  funny  story?" "I've  been  hiding  from  the  world,  and  I  need  to  re-enter." "You  say  the  ocean's  rising  like  I  give  a  shit." "You  say  the  whole  world's  ending.  Honey,  it  already  did." "Get  inside."

GOODBYE "So  long." "Goodbye." "I'll  see  you  when  I  see  you." "You  can  pick  the  street." "I'll  meet  you  on  the  other  side." "Do  I  really  have  to  finish?" "Did  I  say  that  right?" "So,  this  is  how  it  ends." "I  promise  to  never  go  outside  again." "I'm  slowly  losing  power." "Has  it  only  been  an  hour?" "No,  that  can't  be  right." "Hey,  here's  a  fun  idea!" "Am  I  going  crazy?" "Am  I  right  back  where  I  started?" "I'll  panic." "Call  me  up  and  tell  me  a  joke." "You're  really  joking  at  a  time  like  this?"

ANY  DAY  NOW "It  will  stop  any  day  now." "Any  day  now."

[lover-of-mine]

could you please tell us more about why you think chris would freak out? 😊

Okay, I have been thinking this since 4x08 with Chris freaking out about the idea of Eddie dating in general. But the bottom line is, Chris has a delicious shade of abandonment issues. Eddie wasn't there when he was a baby, Shannon left, and then she died, his grandparents were as constant in his life as his mother and now he only sees them every once in a while, Isabel was constant in LA but she's back in Texas now, you can even make an argument that he felt left by Buck during the lawsuit, because while I do think Eddie was hiding behind Chris to say he missed Buck, Chris was attached enough to Buck to feel the fact that Buck suddenly disappeared a for a while (I like to believe Buck showed up at the house with a pile of legos and a bear like the one they won before the tsunami after, but, well, from a kid's perspective as month is a year, it might've been enough to create something there anyway), especially with everything that had happened to Christopher that year, Shannon dying, the tsunami, Chris worrying about Eddie's state of mind, Chris was at the barbecue and we have no idea what he saw or didn't see about Buck throwing up blood, so he had enough traumatic experiences in quick succession to do something to his brain before he was even 10. We also have a layer to play with if the show decides to go there, but the long-term effects of lockdown on a child were a lot more intense than in someone with a fully developed brain because their lives shut down and they didn't have the tools to deal with it and a child needs the interaction with other people and they were not getting that, and if adults struggled with it, imagine how a 10 yo with a first responder parent who couldn't stay with him felt, ykwim? We see that manifesting in season 4, Chris is scared that dating means leaving, he thinks that Eddie bringing someone into their lives just means someone else who will leave him. And we saw at the beginning of the season that he still believes that to be true. He has that moment of it's okay to play around because it doesn't matter if they love you, they will leave anyway. Chris most likely doesn't remember most of life in Texas with Shannon, and even when he's old enough to understand the circumstances around Shannon leaving, it will still have scarred him forever. And that kid has lived through one parent dying, the other in a hospital when he wasn't allowed to visit due to covid, and a constant safe adult he literally saw in a hospital bed. It doesn't matter if the show ever states Buck in a parental position for Chris before he becomes "stepdad Buck", Buck is one of the two safe adults Chris runs to in a crisis, exemplified by the way even though he's being raised by two first responders, his instinct when Eddie had his breakdown was not to call 911, it was to call Buck. We have enough to speculate that yes, Chris sees Buck as a parent in some degree, but we do know for a fact that Buck is an adult Chris trusts.

So, we have Chris with the mother of all abandonment issues of the show, which is saying something considering who he's up against, we have Eddie and Buck being the two constants when it comes to adults, and just the general concept of safety that he has had in the past few years, so Eddie and Buck are the two people Chris is scared the most to lose, Eddie for obvious reasons, and we see that reflected with Buck with him forcing Eddie and Carla to let him visit him so he can beg Buck to come back. But Chris is also watching both Eddie and Buck FUMBLE through romantic relationships. Like, they are BAD at romantic relationships, and, like, even Taylor was brought into Chris' life and then vanished, I'm not saying he got particularly attached to Taylor, but she was in his house, she lived with Buck, for an 11 yo that's as serious as it's gonna get, and then that ended too. So what Chris is picking up here is that romantic love means people leaving. Like, that was literally the conclusion he reached on his own when it came to dating. He understands that Shannon loved them and that there was love between Eddie and Shannon, but he only thought about the way she left that love. We also have everything about Marisol. Everything about her is about babysitting Chris, so he has a decent relationship with her, and she was moving in. I doubt that Chris didn't know that, but that's another development that got canceled and we know Marisol is not here to stay, so yet another relationship Eddie completely fumbled.

So take all that and put it next to the idea of Eddie and Buck becoming a couple. We know buddie is endgame. We outsiders with all the information watching as all-seeing gods waiting for them to just get their shit together know that when they get together, there's no separating them, that's it. Chris doesn't know that. He knows he loves Eddie. He knows he loves Buck. He knows none of them ever managed to make a romantic relationship work. And he thinks that romantic love means leaving. So Eddie and Buck dating means losing Buck. The only conclusion Chris is gonna reach here is "Buck is gonna leave" so he's gonna freak out. He's a teenager. Half of being that age is feeling things too intensely and the other half is reacting as intensely. He reacted like that to the idea of Ana and it wasn't even about someone he knew yet. Chris having The Tamtrun about Eddie dating someone he loves makes perfect sense. Because Chris doesn't know what a successful relationship looks like, sure, there are his grandparents, but he's not around them enough, and even then his grandfather travels a lot for work anyway so what would he have seen when he was kid, and a kid learns love from their parents. Eddie and Shannon were a disaster from Chris pov. They loved each other but she still left, so what does it take for a relationship to work? Because isn't it the thing we teach kids with fairytales and stuff? That love conquers it all? But he understands enough to know that's not true. Chris may know Buck and Eddie love each other in some degree, the same way he knows he loves Buck, and the same way he knows Buck loves him, but the instinct there would be to fight the change in their relationship because he doesn't want Buck to leave. If everyone Eddie or Buck dated disappeared from his life, what's stopping Buck from leaving him if they break up? Most likely scenario is that he would get big mad at Buck because the change in the dynamic will trigger his abandonment issues, and he's 13, so he's not gonna be rational about it. And that would create some interesting tension in the way that when Chris is mad at his parents, he opens up to Buck, if he's mad at Eddie and Buck, who is he gonna open up to? This is absolutely the type of thing that would make their dynamic stronger in the long run, but it would take a minute for Chris to get to the point where he's ready to talk about the fact that he's scared of the change, it would even take him a minute to probably get to that conclusion himself, because again, the horrors of being 13 are real. Chris himself might struggle to figure out why does the idea make him mad. And Buck and Eddie can't reassure him if they don't know what's wrong. They can't promise they won't break up either. So how do they navigate that?

Because Chris is the priority, they would never do anything that would hurt Chris intentionally, but I also think they would be like "I don't want to break up because he's mad" because that would be proving Chris' fear that they won't stay together right. And I kinda think this is the only route they can go with Chris' reaction because this isn't some "my divorced parents are getting back together" situation, Chris has no reason to hope for Buck and Eddie to get together, so I don't see how he would've already processed that. Sure, if they had gotten together when Chris was 10, he probably would've been a lot more chill about it, but Chris as a teenager? He's gonna freak out. That's literally the only logical conclusion here. And considering the beginning of the season, and the way he was handling dating, AND the way he opened up about it to Buck, all the pieces for that to happen are on the table. Buck has a relationship with Chris outside of Eddie, and obviously, Buck and Eddie are, yk, *motions vaguely* but actually getting Buck and Eddie together would add tension to the existing dynamic between the 3 of them. And it is a way to add conflict to buddie without adding the idea that they don't love each other or don't know how to handle the switch or might not be good at being a couple, because navigating this situation would just prove how solid they are. It's all there. The question is if they are gonna go for it or not.

[aflamethatneverdies]

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[lillified]

On Twt you had mentioned dead colonies, could you talk a bit about it? I'm curious to learn more 👀

I absolutely can!

Dead Colonies

At the tail end of the Quintesson reign and well into the Zeta era, the Cybertronian project began to expand into space, looking to establish itself as a galactic empire (similar to the Quintessons they were following). The new regime's optimism made promising projections about the affair, anticipating the colonies they established would become vital trade hubs, resource hotspots, societies, and even tourist destinations (though some of Cybertron's ultra-wealthy indulged, space travel was far too expensive for this to ever become viable). Although the industry boom following the socio-economic institution of the Caste system gave this ambitious promise legitimacy, it was, in hindsight, completely doomed from the start.

In their heyday, however, it was easy to ignore the warning signs. These colonies stretched from nearby satellites to planets in neighboring solar systems, and they were established to varying degrees of complexity. Some stations were only ever meant to be extraction ports for valuable natural resources. The most famous of these colonies, however, were the settled territories, where groups of Cybertronians were planted and expected to live indefinitely.

Once established, these territories developed independently of Cybertron's culture and society, similar to how the flying polity of Vos maintained its own social identity. In many ways, they were like miniature civilizations of their own, only sponsored and supplied by the Cybertronian government. One example of where their societies differed from the start was in the practice of mooring Titans.

Titans are a subclass of life on Cybertron. They are theorized to be the missing link between Cybertronians and the Primus Superorganism, though that theory is highly controversial. Many Titans are dormant now, existing in a state of extended stasis, but many Polities on Cybertron were established around or even on these Titans, although the full extent of their symbiotic link has been lost to time. Unlike Cybertronians, Titans exist throughout the observed galaxy, likely supplanted by space debris. Though it served no immediate practical purpose, several of these colonies sought out these space Titans to cohabitate with. The most infamous colony to adhere to this practice was Caminus.

Caminus was an extremely ambitious project. It was the farthest of the Cybertronian colonies, whose "bridge" (a series of space stations facilitating navigation to the planet, without which many outgoing ships were lost) was considered a revolutionary innovation in space travel. For a long time it was a shining example of what interstellar expansion should be. A lush natural ecosystem native to the planet, constant technological innovation, a rich independent culture, and a general appearance of abundance made it exotic and attractive to the citizens back on Cybertron.

The colonies existed in excess for a while. Soon, though, the explosion of prosperity and industry from Zeta's widespread mechanization started to trail off, and the Energon crisis was almost inevitable on the horizon. The long-term goal that underscored the effort of space expansion was to eventually find another source of Energon, but that goal was never achieved; by consequence, the endeavor of supporting these colonies became expensive and unwieldly. There was no real end benefit besides maintaining an illusion of abundance.

One by one, the central Cybertronian government slowed down, and eventually cut off, support to these Colonies, markedly including the shipment of Energon. Some of these stations were evacuated with the hopes of reintegrating their residents on Cybertron, but many others, especially the manned trade outposts and extraction points, were simply abandoned. Rescuing everyone was just too expensive.

Of the residential colonies, only one escaped evacuation, though the story is still shrouded in mystery. Before the total cutoff, Energon shipments became increasingly more expensive, dwindling for decades. Caminus felt this bleeding and diplomatic tensions between itself and Cybertron became strained. During one shipment, with no forewarning, an outgoing cargo ship discovered that the final point of the Caminus bridge had completely disappeared, defying reason. All other communications with the colony were also completely shut off. With no way to reach them, and no way to guarantee a safe travel, the ship returned to Cybertron, and the colony essentially disappeared. The story of Caminus would become a longstanding source of mystery and intrigue back on Cybertron, though any tragedy is more a result of bureaucratic negligence than horror.

The rest of the colonies died out much less spectacularly. Now, throughout the galaxy, only old abandoned outposts remain, the skeletons of lives lived there. Like the Quintessons before them, Cybertronian expansion was destined to fail. In the end it only marked another nail in the coffin for the energy crisis, and the inevitability of domestic tensions coming to a fiery head.

[akajustmerry]

Hey, i genuinely want to know. Do you know why the other Arab countries do nothing substansial to defeat or to pressure Israel (and US) to back off from Gaza (and Palestine)? Is it because they don't want Israel and US also to attack them? Don't they have responsibility as part of shared history or something.

Please explain it like i'm a five year old. Thank you so much 🇵🇸

okay -

Firstly, It is not up to other SWANA / Arab countries to "defeat" Israel, it's on Israel to fucking stop killing Palestinians.

Other SWANA countries ARE helping Palestinians. Yemeni freedom fighters have been blocking ships in the Red Sea for weeks as an act of protest to demand a ceasefire. Hezbollah has been fighting Israel from Lebanon for decades. Egypt has sent dozens, if not 100s of aid trucks so have other Arab countries. Why are they not getting to Palestinians?? Because Israel is refusing to let them through.

Put simply, Syria, and Lebanon have been in dire economic and political crisis for YEARS due to Western imperialism in the region. Add on top of that they're under constant threat of invasion from Israel (who is already occupying parts of both countries), how would you like them to "pressure" and "defeat" Israel when a huge portion of the population of both countries are living in poverty????

Israel, like any other immoral settler colonial project, has always deployed divide and conquer methods. fighting proxy wars in Syria, Lebanon and other areas to weaken nations and their bonds. They have done this in Iran, Syria, Iraq and Lebanon.

"Don't they have a responsibility" sure I guess they do, but you know who else has a fucking responsibility??? Israel and the US and the UK have a responsibility not to commit genocide.

This kind of question, while I'm sure you mean well, is irritating because what you're unconsciously doing is putting the responsibility of colonialism on the colonised. Israel is responsible for the ongoing genocide of Palestinians. The reason Palestinians aren't receiving aid is because of Israel, end of story. You're also making a really racist and tribalist assumption that SWANA people are all a monolith who should all get on because they're the same. This isn't true of any region anywhere in the world. Hell, this isn't even true of countries, states or towns. Please just do better and make an effort to do basic research on the SWANA region.

[capuccinodoll]

woah interesting to see joel’s pov. He really is that dumb 😭😭 i mean i get it sometimes guys aren’t the smartest when it comes to things like this but come onnn use your brain!! 🧠 turn this on joel, TURN IT ON!! ig he really was so blind to her feelings for him that when he said there has to be a way to fix this and she shut him out he was like damn she don’t gaf about me sir YOU started this, not telling her about your lil date. And then blowing up when she confronted him about it, lorddd.

even if they didn’t have feelings for each other, friendship breakups always suck :( especially between best friends, idk how tf reader did not start crying when tommy said he was with sienna. Travis seems nice tho. Damn i wasn’t expecting joel to have broken up with her tho i really thought he would’ve brought her to the bbq and reader was gonna be travis n there was gonna be tensionnnn. who knows maybe joel will be like hey actually sienna can you come to this bbq LOL

😭 joel is getting DESTROYED by all of you and I absolutely love ittt.

And yes, Joel is a bit dumb and clueless about what's happening to him, but I think it's more than that—he's in denial. Denial about what happened with reader, denial about the fact that she no longer wants to be part of his life. Losing someone is hard, especially when that person is still nearby, living right next door.

For Joel, it's easier to stay in that state of denial, lying to himself and convincing himself that sleeping with reader was just a mistake or a moment of weakness. Because if he faces the truth, he’ll have to accept a lot of uncomfortable things, and many aspects of his life will need to change—and he’s terrified of that. He already feels like he lost her, tho, and that's been making him feel in a constant crisis ever since that night. But of course, he'll do his best at swallowing it to act like nothing happened, I mean, he's fine, right?

At the same time, he continues seeing Sienna for a couple of dates but offers nothing to her, not like before his birthday. It’s not like she didn’t notice—he was different, clearly tormented by something. But she was never going to break up with him. She’s patient, incredibly patient, willing to give him the time he needs, maybe hoping that after some time apart, they might reconnect. And who knows? She's a good woman, she knows he's feeling bad about something... idk.

[guess-that-ship]

S11 Round 1

Teens Who Need Therapy

cw: spoilers

Lilac meets Protea when he tries to seduce Lilac’s friend. Protea is a typical Nice Guy, but Lilac thinks that he can “fix” Protea. It's eventually revealed that Protea was just acting, and he actually ends up supporting Lilac through a crisis (kind of). Lilac instantly “falls in love” because Protea is one of few people who ever seemed to like him or at least support him.

Throughout their adventure, Protea and Lilac are in a constant “will-they-won't-they” situation where Lilac is constantly pining and Protea flirts back but he also flirts with everyone else and often scorns Lilac. To be fair, Lilac keeps forgetting that Protea exists.

One day, Lilac notices that Protea has disappeared. It turns out that Protea had been with them the whole time purely because he wanted to steal Lilac’s most treasured item. Instead of feeling betrayed, Lilac falls even harder because he admires Protea’s passion and dedication. Protea is upset about this, but he ends up deciding to use Lilac’s crush as leverage to get Lilac to help him kill his father and date other people even after they get married. This is all very distressing for Lilac, but he still sticks with Protea despite the other’s dismissal.

A fight later on leads to both of them in critical condition-- Lilac close to death, and Protea actively dying. Protea’s last words are a confession of his love for Lilac, but due to Lilac’s state, he never hears them. When Lilac recovers, he finds out second hand what had happened and starts to drag Protea’s corpse around trying to revive him by any means necessary. He fails, so he buries Protea and does his best to make a funeral and move on.

(…And then he makes a clone of Protea and makes out with him before watching the clone die trying to save him.)

The Chosen One and Pals

cw: suicide mention

Land is the Chosen One, foretold to save the world by an ancient prophecy. Sky is her childhood friend who decides to help her out, because that's what friends do, while Sea is a clergyman that assists Land out of a sense of sacred duty.

While Land puts her full trust in Sea immediately, Sky is initially distrustful of him, and grills him relentlessly. It doesn't take long for Sea to admit to his deepest, darkest secret, which is that he cheated on an exam once, over a decade ago, and also declares that if they tell anyone about this he won't hesitate to kill himself, and then his blood will be on their hands, and could they really live with that? Sky thinks this is a lame secret and takes it upon herself to help Sea become cooler. Sea does not appreciate this.

Because of Land's role as the Chosen One, Sea holds a lot of reverence for Land, and thus offers her much more grace than he does Sky. Land doesn't particularly care for pleasantries, and cares for social hierarchy even less, but does appreciate that Sea is much nicer than Sky ever was. Sky, having known Land since they were children, doesn't show any sort of veneration towards her, which Sea considers disrespectful despite the fact that Land herself doesn't care. The two of them sometimes butt heads over this, among other things.