#I live in a state of CONSTANT fear
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Taylor already stole coney island from me last night and I've also lost Cold As You and White Horse if she takes away any more of my songs before June 4th I'm going to be entering my reputation era.
#I'm a debut/fearless girly those are my aesthetic eras but bitch my rep era is coming I can feel it#ALL I'm asking for is that she saves Tied Together With A Smile and Come In With The Rain so MAYBE I can hear one of them live at my show#TTWAS is my literal favorite song in her entire discography it's so important to me#and CIWTR is my favorite song on my favorite album I'm literally praying Taylor PLEASE#I live in a state of CONSTANT fear#I will not survive the great war#she's so lucky she said she can play shit from midnights as many times as she wants I also want The Great War so fucking bad ššš#also since it's april 29th if she doesn't play High Infidelity tonight we're literally all clowns and we donāt know shit stg š#abby's just rambling don't mind her#abby's having a crisis#not to mention the DEVASTATION of her taking Tim McGraw from me NIGHT ONE šššššš#y'all every song from debut and fearless is such a horrible loss for me those have been my albums since 2008 literally since I found her#I canāt take much more of this akskaka
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Something that should be more talked about in the Epic fandom is how Odysseus canonically beats Eurylochus in a fight. If it werenāt for Perimedes, Odysseus wouldāve won in Mutiny and killed Eurylochus.
#I think that if Eurylochus lived after that#it wouldāve been in a constant state of mild fear#epic the musical#the odyssey#odysseus#meme#the thunder saga#epic the musical memes
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I have never been more scared of drawing/writing anything for a fandom/thing i like
#jennicatzies.txt#I live in a constant state of FEAR#hamilton fandom and history nerds I am so sorry if I have ever horribly mischaracterized anyone ever
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ryan shane and stevenās conversation about the mosquitos in their beds is fucking horrifying what kind of eldritch horror bullshit is going on in los angeles
#I would be living in a constant state of fear#pod watcher#god I love this podcast#watcher#Ryan bergara#shane madej#steven lim#fuck humid climates ffr#dry weather for life
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benjamin tallmadge is such a genuinely neurotic control freak itās awesome
#like caleb evens him out a LOT bc he can soften ben to others and ben LOVES rebellious caleb so it makes him seem chiller than he is#and ben is smart! so he thinks he's right most of the time and is often rewarded for it! hes an officer for a reason#but add that plus his nathan hale trauma. and he just lives in a constant state of fear about everyone under his command 100% of the time#like imagine your best friend dies horribly bc heās a spy. and then all the men youre responsible for die (in his first scene in the PILOT)#and then all the dearest people in the world to you become spies under your command because of YOUUUUUU#callie speaks#turn amc#what im saying is hes. so scared in s1#everyone is like I DONT TAKE ORDERS FROM YOU#and ben is incapable of not micromanaging them bc if he can do it good enough they wont die this time bc HES CRAZYYYY
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Not sure if tumblr is the least embarrassing social media to essentially be talking to oneās self or the most š¤
#I go back and forth on this one lol#I feel like Instagram stories are the least embarrassing because Insta notifications are somehow less noticeable and often donāt work lol#Like yeah I can see whoās seen it if I care to look but I donāt#but like getting crickets on tumblr? The social media for outcasts and weirdos? EXCRUCIATING#Like I just live in a constant state of embarrassment these days because Iām making a fool of myself publicly over and over and over butā¦#I keep posting lol maybe I should just stop using the tags so I donāt bother other ppl?#My biggest fear is being annoying š
#(Iām being dramatic because itās nearly dinner time and I havenāt eaten in a few hours :P)#stuff and nonsense#anyway this is why I keep making new blogs lmao
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FUCK. YOU
@masakuterarr
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The anxiety i felt about posting that was unreal fjdjfjddjdj
#i live in a constant state of social anxiety#and fear that i am burdening people in the tags looking for normal art fjsjdjsdhshsh
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#im so tired of everything of living no matter what i do its always the wrong thing#i make everyone so uncomfortable and unsafe and i dont know how to stop it#everyday i stop myself from listing who i want to gift my hideous belongings#because im tired#others will find more use. more joy of them#meanwhile they are only getting dirtied by me#i must have been terrible in a past life. to be such a hideous person now#i just want to improve and change but its like everything just makes me fall deeper into this hole#i have depression but i cannot show symptoms. im the idiot trying to stop myself because i dont want others to feel bad#but its the others that make me feel like this#sorrows should not be shown. happiness cannot be shared. i have to be the perfect unemotional puppet to be loved#but my body and mind keep decaying and making it so much harder everyday#i fear soon i will be too weak to keep trying. and that the last thing i will hear will be total silence (from being ignored)#or a constant onslaught of guiltripping for letting myself get to such a state#i await the decaying with resignation because i have nothing else#haunted.txt
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My life is just me living day to day with one earbud out to listen for drama but no eyes open when I sleep because if itās the good Lordās time well then
#ghost posts#this is half a joke bc I did use to sleep like that#and by that I mean didnāt sleep#i used to live in a constant state of high fear like constant panic attacks#so sleeping without heart crushing fear every night is a nice change lol#i say drama but in the sense of a tv show that has you on edge#Iāve been up late past few nights listening for my grandma to call for me#which she does about 1-3am#bc she needs pain relief
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School starts up on Tuesday so of course today the university sent out an emergency alert about a credible shooter threat
These sure are some normal ass times we live in
#I dont know if Iām capable of experiencing shock or fear anymore#I basically live in a constant state of *what part of consumer capitalism will kill me first??*
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ohhh dect ruined me actually
#thought too hard about mirage and now i am so weepy .#something abt the progression since the nihilism dating sim#like . she was so bought into her fear of meaninglessness and death that it was a constant state for her#which liek . i know what itās like to live like that and Oh My God . GET OUT OF THEREEEEE#when i first read through that intrraction there was a pit in my gut . tbh . so the turnaround was a good reminder#i have also since read the interview where that is said to be at least a little bit intentional. bc it is coming from somewhere real#so besides my point . what iām saying is that a story where she grows up and changes her mind . is already enough#but then v2 is there and she is staring death and impermanence and meaninglessness in the face again . she has never had to say goodbye#and it is not meaningless :( she remains that it is not meaningless . and she teaches v2 that it is not meaningless . even if it was just to#themselves or eachother#UM . THIS HAS GOTTEN VERY LONG#I LIKE MIRAGE š SO MUCH#m
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Does anyone else scared themselves out of starting things š
#my brain keeps coming up w reasons why i shouldn't do anything productive#so i just do nothing </3#also off topic i shared my blog w my guy friend and now i will live in fear and paranoia <3#also i still havent gotten my parking pass confirmation so im living in a constant state of paranoia#its all just building off each other fhfjkgkg#catie.rambling.txt
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You know you've got that American Traumaā¢ļø when you're in another country where g*ns are not owned by the general population and you see a chunky black Thing on someone's belt in a crowded area and you think it is a g*n and your hearts stops for the brief moment before your brain realizes its just a phone
#ive actually never seen someone open carry their weapon before even though i live in a very pro-g*n state#but the fear is always there#also heard a firework go off and got so scared for a moment#its also happened to me while in the us tho so idk if that first part was necessary#g*ns scare me i live in constant anxiety when i go out#amore's one woman circus
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Me? Trust the government?
#in this economy?#while Hobie Brown is watching?#while I canāt afford basic healthcare?#when theyāve committed and hidden or been complicit in multiple genocides?#while gas is $4?#while living through so many historical events in my quarter century of life that itās like a shitty soap opera?#while being homeless or trans is a crime in at least one state near me?#while the promises of my youth are now all proven to be fiction and exclusively reserved for a generation before my birth?#while we have a two party system?#while corporations own the country?#while my country is the laughing stock of the planet?#while the burning shame and anger inside me rips apart my mind because Iām powerless to change things?#while the two candidates are a convicted sex offender and an alleged sex offender#while Iām romanticizing the idea of living in a Ghibli film instead?#when I see the ways theyāve brainwashed the generations before me into constant fear?#while Iām systematically healing from the ways my countryās predatory systems have tried to devour me?#while knowing that they only care about the humans they can profit off of and even then only as cattle#while I could be whimsical and silly instead#goblin posting
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he is officially no longer the birthday boy it hit midnight!! great stream guys ill see you in another two weeks
#i make yet anothet post just for me š#qsmp#liveblogging#we have the same timezone because his state literally borders where i live#i live in constant fear
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