#been gone from tumblr for like a month and spent time watching GoT

[bunnyreaper]

plush

pairing: soap mactavish x f!reader wc: 1.5k warnings: 18+/nsfw, slight plushiephilia (?), magical fuckery, instalove vibes, shitty ex notes: an unofficial entry to my own valentines writing challenge, for my beloved aj/@kitkatscabinet <3 its short and a bit shit, but its the thought that counts, right? peep my amazing tumblr style valentines day card here!!

You remember the day you got him vividly, recalling every detail like it was yesterday, and not necessarily for the better. 

It was the first Valentine's day you were to have with your now ex-boyfriend, an occasion you'd been looking forward to for months. He wasn't the most romantic man in the world, but he knew how important the day was for you, knew how you dreamed of just having one day where you were spoiled rotten and doted on like a princess.

The day of, the man had forgotten. 

All the build up, anticipation, and excitement for nothing. He'd told you the morning off that he was off to work, with no real acknowledgement of the day or the significance it held for you. 

You had been entirely crushed, only somewhat soothed when he came home with an oversized, fluffy teddy, just for you. 

Despite the gift being mostly an afterthought—the receipt still in the bag told you he'd gone to the store on his lunch break—the bear was just so enchanting, so soft and cuddly that when you had it squeezed in your arms, you couldn't bring yourself to care about much else in the world.

That night, it was your plushie you had curled up with in your arms, your face snuggled into his brown-grey fur. That night, you'd drifted off to sleep, selfishly thinking of what it would be like to fall asleep in the arms of someone who made you feel as safe as your new fluffy friend. 

This year, you were determined for things to be different. Despite still reeling from your breakup, you resolved to make the day exactly what you'd always dreamed of,even if you were alone. 

So you started the day with a bit of pampering, climbing into sexy lingerie underneath a fresh, oversized shirt and barely-there shorts. You glammed yourself up just a little and spent the day at home surrounded by lit candles, heart-shaped balloons and the scent of freshly-baked cookies. 

When the night grew dark, you tucked up into bed to watch more movies until late, spending the entire time snuggled up with your precious plushie. It was normal for you to whisper sweet nothings to the wolf pup before bed, to throw out your usual movie discussion to him, and tonight was no different. 

You drift off with ease, feeling a sense of peace you haven't felt in a long time.

When your eyes flutter back open, you expect to see your vision obscured by fur and your room filled with light. You don't expect to see a pair of sparkling blue eyes twinkling in the dark, a pair of blue eyes you're all too familiar with.

"I'm still dreaming." You whisper in complete disbelief, yet the longer you look into the not-so-stranger's eyes, you find yourself not even believing those words. It's not a dream, he's real, and he's here. 

Your eyes rove over him and his handsome, masculine features, you take in the warmth that radiates off of him. 

"No dreams here, bonnie girl." His smile is wolfish, just like his plushie counterpart—full of mischief and mirth. "Couldnae stand seeing you so sad. It's our day." 

His grip on you tightens, pulling you deeper into his chest for you to cuddle close—to feel at home.

"Our day." You mumble, mostly to yourself, as you tangle yourself within him until you become one. You press your forehead against his, eyes fluttering shut as you embrace every euphoric feeling flowing through you.

The safety you felt when hugging him as a plushie is multiplied, as now he grips at your flesh and his breath brushes across your lips. 

He chuckles, a sweet sound you'd imagined a million times before. "Dinnae tell me you forgot when we first met." He teases. 

Valentine's day, that Valentine's day—when he'd been the only thing that made you smile. It's hard to comprehend that this time last year you were muffling your tears in his plush body, and now you're smiling so unstoppably in his embrace.  

"Of course I didn't." You whisper.

You feel his fingers brush over your curves as he eagerly takes you in, too. Unbeknownst to you, he's been aching for this moment since he first set his eyes on you—biding his time trapped inside the plush, until his love was strong enough to break him free of the curse that held him there. 

He'd watched in anger as you were mistreated, frustration as he witnessed your ex's attempts to please you between the sheets, and sadness as he watched you mend your broken heart. 

Unbridled energy thrums through him, a combination of returning to his human form and the overwhelming feeling of finally getting the woman he's loved from afar all this time. "Been waiting so long to finally have ye in ma arms." 

You bring your hand up to stroke at his stubbled cheek, as you try to ground yourself in the reality of the situation. You don't know how, but somehow all your fantasies had come true. "You're real." 

"Am real, lass, and am all yours." He swears solemnly. Neither of you know how long you have, but you know that no matter what, his words are the truth. "Can I kiss ye?" 

"Please." You whisper, before eagerly closing the gap between you, unable to wait even a moment longer. 

The second your lips touch, something in your heart feels like it slots right into place, and a sense of alignment washes over you, unlike anything you've felt before. This kind of peace is something you never felt with your ex, and barely seems real at all. 

Your lips continue to melt into his as he kisses you with fervour, equally hungry and sensual, deeply passionate and full of pent-up longing. 

You pull away, breathless, head spinning with lust and affection, as well as a lingering sense of confusion. It's obvious that he's actually in your arms, and you're not imagining it, but it's so wonderfully beyond your comprehension. 

"But how--" You start, before cutting yourself off. Too many questions, not enough time. 

"Conversation for another time." You both say in sync, rushing to return to each other's lips as you pour your love into each other. 

His kisses move from your lips to your soft cheeks, the curve of your jaw, the expanse of your neck. He nuzzles against you, nips with his teeth, then soothes them with kisses. You can feel his unrestrained smile against your skin, the eagerness in the way he grips at your hip and ruts into your clothed core with his hardness. "You feel better than I imagined." 

As his erection nudges against your clit, a shaky exhale passes your lips, a name uttered purely on instinct after a year of it tumbling around your head. "Johnny..." 

Something surges through him then, Johnny, something animalistic, as he rolls you beneath him and cages you between his arms. His hips slot against yours insistently, his eyes battle between darkening with arousal and sparkling in delight. "You know ma name." He almost growls. 

"I don't know how, but I do." 

His hands claw at your shirt, pushing it up your body to reveal the lace underneath. You hadn't worn it for him intentionally, but it also seems like the fates had called to you to put it on this morning, to be ready for this moment. 

He purrs, hungry like a true wolf, as he paws at the delicate material. "Need you, lass, cannae take it anymore." 

You push your hips into his, chasing more and more contact, more of the pleasure he so easily gives you. "Me either. Can't wait, please." 

For a moment, your mind flickers to your ex, how even on the rare occasions he tried to warm you up, he'd still struggle to make you feel much at all. With just a few kisses, and the feeling of his body against you, Johnny has you gushing, leaking down your thighs and aching with need. 

Thick fingers make their way across your delicate skin, leaving shivers in their wake. He pulls back enough to rid you of your panties, before his fingers find your sweet spot and start working on melting you beneath his touch. It was easy for Johnny, having seen the way you'd touched yourself so many times before. 

Whilst the sensation feels heavenly, and Johnny's eyes remain focused on yours as he drives you wild. You need more; you need him. 

"Please." You whine, unable to summon much more in the way of words as his fingers dip down to tease at your entrance.

Johnny fumbles with his clothes quickly, and sinks into you with an animalistic growl as his thick cock stretches you open in the most divine way. 

"Feels like home." He purrs, as he lays his muscular body over you and cages you in between the mattress and his cock. Once more, he nuzzles at your neck, as his cock kisses your insides and you adjust to the feeling of him inside you. 

You wrap your arms and legs around him instinctually, willing him closer and closer in to you, entwining yourselves completely. 

His hips remain still inside you, as the two of you embrace the feeling of finally being where you belong. He kisses you gently as he whispers, "All mine. Never letting ye go now." 

[bellysoupset]

Sorry to bombard your inbox with likes just now! I love your stories and haven't been on Tumblr for a few weeks, so I'm just now reading them all lol

Anyway, I have a story request too, though. I had actually requested it about a year ago, so if it seems familiar, that's why lol

I'd love to see a story in which either Leo or Jonah don't feel well, but still have to feed JD. The smell of the cat food sets off their stomach and pushes them over the edge to be sick. Of course, no worries if you don't like the prompt!

💕💕💕aye, never apologize for bombarding my activity page, I was watching the likes with such amusement! I do remember this request and I remember having loved it the first time around, but it got buried, so I'm so happy you sent it again! Her goes nothing, but warning that this is an "insert it wherever" fic, not in the current chronological order.

-----------

"I don't like this," Jonah's voice traveled through the phone and Leo rolled his eyes, staring at the view out of their balcony, "I'll swing by, bring you some broth, some electroly-"

"I'm not a baby, Jon," Leo snorted, "I'm not gonna die, I'm a little nauseous, but that's all."

"You stayed home from work, that isn't a little nauseous," Jonah scoffed and the blonde let out a sigh, rubbing his face and gulping down against the uncomfortable knot in his throat.

"I have 5 home office days to use every month, I didn't call off work," Leo corrected him, "Jonah, go have lunch, okay? And stop worrying, I promise I'm fine."

"Uhm," his boyfriend let out a frustrated huff, "okay... I love you."

"Love you too," Leo swiftly ended the call, maybe a little too quickly as he heard Jonah's voice get cut off, but whatever. He was queasy and cranky.

He had been harshly woken up by a upset stomach that sent him running to the bathroom, intestines cramping so much he got breathless. It was only when he was already late for work that he had come to the realization that 1. he couldn't possibly go to the office and 2. Jon was already gone.

It wasn't unusual for Jonah to be called an hour or two before his schedule, but that had hiked up Leo's annoyance nonetheless. He wanted to be a little fussed over, even one little hug would've been plenty.

The upset had only grown through the day. He was glad he was working from home, because not only he had to make another two mad dashes to the bathroom, but he had spent the second one heaving over the toilet instead of having the runs.

His belly was bloated, warm to the touch and gurgling non stop, squeezed by his loosest pair of sweatpants. He hadn't even tried rubbing it, because it was cramping and extremely tender. Nonetheless, he still had to do actual work in home office.

A sudden tug on his pants caused Leo to jerk and immediately wince as his tummy flipped. JD had planted her front paws on his thigh and was staring at him expectantly, meowing as he made eye contact.

"What is it, baby?" Leo sighed, picking her up and smoothing over her fur. The cat gave him a soft bite, patting his wrist and meowing even louder, a tone he knew well, "ah... You're hungry?"

Of course she was, he hadn't fed her until now. Poor baby, "I'm so sorry, I'm sorry. I'm a bad cat dad," he admonished himself, kissing the top of her head, "I'll feed you now, I'll even do wet food, okay? Does that make it up for no breakfast?"

As if she understood him, JD rubbed the top of her head against his hand, ears brushing his fingers. Oh, his heart.

Very slowly, slightly bent at the waist, Leo made his way back inside. He had been sitting in the balcony, hoping the fresh air would help get rid of the nausea swirling in his belly, but it hadn't done much.

JD followed him to the kitchen, happily zigzagging between his legs and nearly causing him to trip, walking straight to the cabinet where her food was stored. And people had the nerve to say she didn't understand him, Leo snorted at the thought.

He grabbed a can of trout flavored wet food and then JD's bowl, near the doorway of the kitchen. It was Tiffany's Blue and sat on top of a little golden platform, of course, it had all been picked out by Jon.

JD clawed at his pants, meowing happily as he brought it all back to the counter, so he could pry the can open-

The fishy smell hit his nose and Leo immediately dropped the entire can inside the bowl, lurching to the sink. It was downright rotten and he immediately lost the battle he had been fighting all day with nausea, heaving loudly.

Spine curling as he retched once more, a wet burp dragging in its tail a thick wave of his liquified dinner, since he hadn't eaten since the night before. Leo coughed, eyes watering, knuckles turning white as the clutched the counter and heaved once more.

Suddenly the water was running, washing away the vomit and Leo leaned in, dizzy and still heaving, so he could swish some water and spit out the taste. The smell was still killing him, causing him to cough even louder, letting out a moan.

"Aw, Leo," Jonah sounded worried, but also confused, "try to breathe, you're choking..."

"Sm-EEerk-sssmell," he slurred, spitting the thick ropes of saliva and gagging once more. He needed to get out of the kitchen, there was no way he could get his stomach in check with that rancid smell tickling his nostrils, squeezing his stomach. With a shaky hand, Leo pointed in the general direction of JD's bowl, heaving once more.

The hand that had been on his back vanished, then a clean inox bowl appeared under his chin and Jonah looped an arm around his back, dragging him away.

"Come here," his boyfriend was firm, despite Leo not wanting to move away from the sink, as he was sure he was about to vomit once more. Slowly Jonah dragged him to their bedroom, then to the bathroom and Leo immediately let go of the bowl so he could lurch over to the toilet, stomach acid hitting the water and splashing on the seat.

"Fuuuh-" he whined, coughing and resting his forehead to the porcelain, trying to breathe the clean air. It took a second, but the nausea receded to doable levels, leaving him panting for air.

"Jon?"

No answer. Leo grabbed a wad of toilet paper, cleaning the seat and flushing, forcing himself to stand up so he could brush his teeth.

Footsteps, the bedroom door closing, then Jonah's face appeared on the bathroom's doorway, worried reflection in the mirror, "you good?"

"Yeah," Leo spat the toothpaste, washing his mouth, "fucking stinky food- Why are you here?"

"I was already on my way when I called you," Jonah blushed slightly, opening a sheepish smile, "wanna sit in the bedroom balcony? I opened the windows in the living room, I'll go get rid of the bowl as soon as she finishes eating..."

"Yeah, bedroom's balcony is good-" Leo turned around, then collapsed against Jonah, hugging him tightly, "thank you for not listening to me..."

Jonah chuckled, hugging him back, "I'll want that in writing, Leo."

[blushingbubbles]

guide to becoming a good girl part 5: what i love about it 

(exempt from the forbidden word rules)

each morning now, i wake up with one of my three holes stuffed. 

last night a vibrator was wedged in my pussy -- a vibrator that’d been on for most of sleeping time. to make sure i didn’t accidentally pull it out or turn it off, i'd wrapped myself like a burrito in so many blankets, and i ended up sleeping like a baby. 

this morning, it was instinct rather than forethought that had me filming my pussy. on camera, i pulled the toy out, and was shocked when a puddle of wetness spilled out too. i was soooo messy. i turned the video into a gif and watched it over and over again on a loop. i imagined that, instead of it being my own wetness, that someone had pumped me full of their cum. i imagined they’d bred me and filmed it trickling out. 

that thought triggered my first edge of the day. after, i checked tumblr notifs, and a hazy conditioning memory floated back from the night before.

my holes don't belong to me anymore.

a small voice says it. almost like an afterthought...or maybe an instinct. but someone had said it to me hours prior...

had they been conditioning me that my holes don't belong to me anymore? or had they been explaining a fact? 

no.. yeah..that's right. they hadn’t conditioned my lack of autonomy. they’d only explained that i’ve never actually had any. and they're absolutely right. everything i've ever done was to make other people happy.

i've subconsciously acted on others wishes for like my entire life, and i like doing it. i am happier when im making other people happy! i like putting a smile on other people's faces!! there's nothing wrong with that, and i dont want to pretend like there is!!

i got up to make the bed, and the voice my holes don't belong to me anymore continued kinda floating around me. i spent a few minutes brushing my hair and tidying my bedroom. i checked my roommate's location. i love her (let's call her A), but i was sooooo relieved when i saw she wasn't home. i went to the kitchen, naked and dripping. the dishes in the sink belonged to A, and i washed them anyway. 

i wouldn't have done it two months ago. two months ago, i would've left her mess for her and gone about the day. but now i know when A comes home she’ll be relieved that i took care of it!!! and i love being the one to provide that relief!!

after the kitchen was clean i put a little cardigan on to take some pictures of my tits. an anon asked for the holes report, and i like 2 accompany that with a tit picture so everyone knows the most important assets made it through the night (haha)

i lovvvveee taking tit pictures. i love that they make people happy, and knowing they make people happy makes me more confident!! 

over the day i drink enough water, i take meds, i keep the house clean. a Superior suggests i put ben wa balls in my pussy -- they'll make my wet hole even tighter!!

im quickly reminded that if im tightening my pussy at someone's request… it doesn't really belong to me anymore, does it? i like.. have the hole... but it's not mine to use. it's just mine to take care of so others can use it.

tonight ill sleep cockwarming another toy at another Superior's request, and the process will start over (and over) again, and it's so so good for me. i'm so happy like this, and i wouldn't change a thing <3

[catnipaddictt]

jailbreak

scott barringer x gn!reader

synopsis: You and Scott decide to escape New Horizons, a camp for at risk teens.

wc: 1.3k

tw: none

comment: there is a lack of Scott content on tumblr so I decided I wanted to write something. Also I fell in love with higher ground, i didn't think it was going to be that good, but i binged it in under a week.

You kick at the ground with your beat-up old sneakers, watching as moisture falls from the blades of grass. Grumbling could be heard from in front of you as the ground of teens treked behind their leader. Ever since you had arrived at New Horizons, it was basically walk after walker. You swear once you are out of this place you would never hike again. But alas you had now been here for almost 2 months, and Peter sure wasn't letting you out anytime soon. 

Picking up your feet, you begin to follow your group as they walk uphill through the forest that surrounds the school. You make up the back of the pack, mostly just because you prefer to walk at a more leisurely pace. 

“Hey” you glance to your side to be met with blue eyes. Scott. He had been here for around the same time you had meaning that you were both ‘fresh meat’. If you could even call yourself that anymore. You reply back with a “hi” focusing on not tripping on any tree roots. Scott was at New Horizons for a drug related problem, something a lot of the students had issues with. He was normally standoffish and refused to participate but you two got along just fine. Which led to the little problem of your not so little crush on the tall boy.

“I hate walking” he states plainly and you agree, nodding your head. “I mean, how is this supposed to help, walking up hills isn't going to fix a bunch of messed up kids” Scott continues. “It sucks, I just want to get out of here” you reply. “Hey, what if we-” Scott seems to want to say something but changes his mind, shaking his head. “Nevermind.” You glance at him confused. “C'mon, you have got to say it now” you laugh. “It was stupid anyways” he grumbles at the ground. 

“Oh boo-hoo, just tell me” you practically beg. Scott sees this and ultimately starts to speak, “we could get out of here you know? It's only the forest holding us back I mean. And we have pretty much walked all of it twice over.” You turn your head to look at him, “you mean run away?” you ask. He has caught your full attention now. “See, told you it was dumb” Scott answers. 

“Let's do it.” 

“Sorry?” He states, “you can't be serious.” He raises an eyebrow. “Oh I'm serious. I have had enough of this place. Worst case scenario we get caught, that's like a few days of confinement to the cabins.” You reply smoothly. It was definitely a horrible idea but it's not like life was too exciting for you at the moment.”I mean, I'm down if you are” Scott shrugs. You think for a moment before replying. “Okay two days from now there is the school bonfire thing. We pack bags beforehand, I'll sneak into the kitchens and get us some food and stuff, and we can meet up by the docks. They won't notice we have gone for a few hours at least.” 

Scott looks at you “a few hours head start is probably as good as we are going to get.” He makes up his mind, “okay I'm in.” 

The next two days passed rather slowly, with not much really happening apart from lectures about personal wellness. What a waste of your time. You were counting down the minutes until your and Scott's escape out of here.

The final hours of your time at New Horizons were spent packing a bag, light enough to not slow you down, but enough to keep you going until you could get more supplies. Your next job was the kitchen.

The sun had almost disappeared by the time you reached the space, quietly opening and shutting the door behind you. You grabbed two large plastic bottles of water, placing them in your bag, as well as a few cans of food and lots of snacks. This was definitely enough to last you a few days. Getting through the forest should only take a few hours, the tricky part was not being seen around town.

Zipping up your bag you sneak out of the kitchen, making your way to the docks. You could see Scott's shadow cast on the wooden planks, giving his location away. You walk almost silently up to him and he jumps a little at you appearing. “Don't sneak up on me like that” he says playfully.

You nod your head in the direction of the path leading to the forest “time to go?” The light from the bonfire flickers over the landscape, making it feel like something out of a 80’s horror film. “Yeah, let's do it”

You both make your way out of the school and into the dense forest. There is nearly no light apart from the occasional bit of moon peeking through the canopy. Scott pulls two flashlights out of his bag, passing one to you “borrowed Auggie’s, hope he doesn't mind” he shrugs and you laugh. Poor Auggie had been robbed of his only torch. 

After about an hour of walking Scott starts telling you clearly made up stories about people getting lost in the woods never to be seen again. Typical teenager boy behavior. You roll your eyes in response - not that he could see. “That's so not real” you speak, only to be met with a yelp as he trips over a tree root. You cannot contain your laughter at the action. “Not funny” he grumbles. 

The next few hours pass in a blur. The clear night makes your walk nicer than you thought it was going to be. Scott being there helped a lot. You both exchange tales of your lives before New Horizons, Scott tells you about his football games and school. Up ahead of you, you can see where the ground drops about 6 feet or so, meaning you will have to climb down. Scott goes first, passing you his bag so you can throw it down to him once he is on solid ground. Once he reaches the earth again you throw down his bag followed by yours. He catches them and puts them down on the ground. Now it's your turn to make the descent. 

You make it most of the way down without fail, but the place where you put your left foot collapses and you are forced to jump back and onto the dirt covered ground. Luckily you don’t hurt yourself but in the process you manage to basically slam into your companion. He lets out a sound at the impact, “woah there.” “Sorry Scott.”

After another hour you finally reach the edge of civilization and you exchange grins with the blonde boy. You had made it with close to little hiccups. Making it onto town, you and Scott begin to brainstorm what to do now. “We need to get further away before first light, then people might see the two of us. And when Peter comes asking they will know we were here” You think out loud. “We could hitchhike?” Scott suggests “It's risky but if we walk further out of town we have a better chance of someone who is passing through and not a local?”

You agree to the plan and after a quick break from walking you both set out again. Now that you are out of the dense forest you can see the night sky. It's clear tonight and you can see all the stars, you will miss it in a way. But you made your decision. As you walk, your hand brushes against Scott’s prompting you to snap your arm close to your side, embarrassed. You can sense his head turning to look at you briefly before he looks straight ahead again. Then, if on second thought, he grabs your hand in his, interlocking your pinkies. You look down at your and Scott's hand and smile. Maybe, just maybe it would all work out fine.

I'm not sure about the ending of this one as I kinda didn't know how to finish it but oh well. Im also finishing writing a whole heap of requests, so expect those soon!

[emersonink]

Let’s make something painfully clear.

After spending months on Tumblr watching this situation unfold and really analyzing both sides — from Wilbur’s tweet and update video to Shelby’s original stream — my opinion has changed significantly. When everything first came out, I was trying to understand what happened, like everyone else. I wanted to be fair, I wanted to listen. But the more I watched this situation get dissected over and over, the more I realized something important: we do not actually know what happened, and we probably never will.

Both sides have said things that are vague, emotionally charged, and sometimes contradictory. People on Tumblr have broken everything down frame by frame, trying to find “proof” one way or another — but that’s not real clarity, it’s just speculation dressed up as certainty. And at this point, I’m done pretending that we, as an online audience, are in any position to be making moral judgments based on incomplete narratives.

I don’t support Wilbur, and I don’t support Shelby. And it’s not because I think both sides are equally right or wrong — it’s because this was never something that should have played out on Twitch or Twitter or YouTube in the first place. It should have been dealt with in a court of law or in private, not through public livestreams and cryptic posts that turn deeply personal issues into entertainment and gossip.

If there were real legal issues, then they should have gone through the proper legal channels. If it was a personal falling out, then it should have stayed that way. But instead, we got months of vague statements, weaponized fanbases, and emotional whiplash — and I honestly just don’t care anymore. Not in a “nothing matters” way, but in a “this isn’t healthy or productive” way.

So yeah — my stance now is that I’m not supporting anyone. I’m stepping away. I’ve spent enough time on Tumblr trying to “understand” this, and I’ve realized that trying to find a definitive answer from social media posts is pointless. This drama stopped being about resolution a long time ago — now it’s just noise.

[rimouskis]

thoughts on social media use, algorithms, and the strangeness of being a human in the world:

I don't remember when I downloaded tiktok. It was either 2021 or 2022. I was working from home and had more unsupervised down time than I was accustomed to. It was easy to scroll and get lost in it.

The algorithm was good. It had my interests pinned so quickly that it was almost alarming. I suddenly felt reattached to youth culture, which was something that had been slipping out of my fingers as I aged into my 20s. I rather enjoyed getting to explain new jokes or memes or references to my older friends who weren't on the platform. It was, for a time, my favorite way to spend time online, aside from Tumblr.

And all I did was consume. I barely even commented on things, mostly because the constant notifications you couldn't silence when your comment got liked were annoying, but also because I didn't think I had much worth adding. It was entirely passive. Scroll, watch, scroll, scroll, scroll, watch, watch, scroll. An eternal feed of dopamine beamed right into my skull.

I stopped writing as much, though there were lots of things I could blame that on. I stopped reading almost entirely, though that had been true for a little while, so I also couldn't blame that on the app either, not really. It wasn't like I could point to the app and say "THIS THING IS RUINING MY LIFE!" because it wasn't. I was entertained. I felt informed because I started seeing some news items this way that I hadn't seen elsewhere. I was Connected To The Culture, and I've always enjoyed that. I found music I liked, and cultural critics I liked, and endless, endless amounts of Content that I liked.

My phone was old. So old, in fact, that the screen was made out of some sort of thing where the stark white like/comment/home icons on tiktok's interface literally burnt themselves into my screen. I was kind of embarrassed about that. I didn't use it a weird amount, I was on other apps, I had a life, I ran, I was outdoors whenever the weather was good, I was always busy around the city going to events and seeing people and going to hockey games. So what if I burned some icons into an old, faulty screen?

Then my life got blown up in short order, through no fault of my own, and it wasn't until I got a new, fully in-person job that I began noticing how much I was watching tiktok when I had a SECOND of free time at my job. It was more obvious when I was in an office that my fingers twitched with desire to scroll and watch short-form videos. It was embarrassing. It was like a smoker tic for a cigarette between their fingers.

Sometime in late 2023, I told my friends I wanted to stay off of tiktok more. I was sick of not writing like I used to. I felt like all my time was spent staring down at a little screen. In bursts and spurts, I would go a day or two without using the app, or only using it in the evening before I slept. I always ended up back on it, though.

It wasn't until March 2024 that I deleted the app off of my phone instead of just hour-limiting it. It was gone.

Funnily, some time later, maybe a week or two, I tried to redownload it. But, lo, my curated algorithm was gone. It had reset entirely, like it had forgotten me. My For You Page was gibberish, wholly unlike the fun, """"curated"""" (bleh) page I'd once had that could spoonfeed me stuff calibrated to my exact interests.

And just like that, the spell was broken. I deleted the app off of my phone forevermore. I left it logged in on my laptop, where the FYP was similarly broken, and I would—once every two months or so—go online to check on the pages I followed and watch a bit of their content. A mere five or so minutes would go by before I hit the end of my "Following" feed, and I'd close out of the tab, having seen all I wanted to see. It was kind of shocking how once the addictive, spot-on algorithm was destroyed, so too was my interest in the app.

That isn't to say my attention span has returned. It doesn't feel like it has. It wasn't like I smugly wiped my hands of algorithms, either. Even though I'd previously never used the "For You" tab on Twitter, I began clicking onto it. Then, a couple months ago, I started going into Instagram reels consistently, also having never done that before.

Twitter is, of course, a terrible place now filled with absolutely hateful bigots, but it's also a place unshakably dedicated to a culture of dunking and owning and getting one over another poster and being confrontational and being rude and being the first to say the most provocative, attention-grabbing thing about ANY topic.

It became deeply unpleasant to be on. It had been for a while, if we're being honest. I stayed off hockey twitter for months because I couldn't stand the horrible takes about the Pens, or about Geno's contract, or about how Sid should jump ship.

Instagram, meanwhile, was more insidious. I've never felt the kind of anxiety about my Instagram that I know bothers some other people—I deeply enjoy it as a tool of curation. I'm a hobbyist photographer. I like sharing snippets of my life (lol obviously, given what I'm doing right now). I love the language of images. I didn't really follow any influencers or news outlets, just old friends and acquaintances and family members and some small artists I enjoy. I muted the stories of people who shared incessant and oversimplified PSA graphics about the news or social issues. I kept it rather apolitical—that was what Twitter and sometimes Reddit were for.

When I started perusing the curated/algorithm Reels feed, though, I started to get sucked back in.

It was nice, at first. My tendency to stay away from political/news content meant I didn't get ragebait on there. In fact, the VAST majority of content I was served was interior design, furniture restoring/flipping, and home remodels.

It was really interesting. I liked seeing people's homes! I liked daydreaming about getting to do big-scale renovations with custom homemade cabinetry and wallpaper and gorgeous tiles. Sometimes I'd get recipe content, too, and vaguely crunchy-but-still-sensible environmentalist stuff.

I started noticing, again, how much time I was spending on it, but it also wasn't just taking my time.

All the beautiful new furniture made me want new furniture, too. All the starkly-beautiful and obsessive (and frankly stupid and overconsumption-informed) organization content made me want to improve my hall closet. Suddenly the interior design in my home—which had gotten compliments from everyone who'd ever stepped inside, from my landlord to my friends to my family—wasn't good enough for me anymore. I wanted a change. I wanted a gallery wall. I wanted a sideboard. I wanted removable wallpaper. I wanted beautiful, impractical, expensive storage. I wanted, I wanted, I wanted.

I've never been particularly influenceable, not when it comes to internet influencers. I'm very informed and watchful over my money. I know what I like spending on. I plan and I make it happen. And what influencers were often selling—clothes, makeup, beauty products—wasn't where I loved spending my money.

Home decor, though? Home improvement? Interior design? Turns out that could get me to open my wallet.

I did make some changes to my living space. I like them. I think they're beautiful and they solve both a storage issue I had and a oh-god-I-own-too-much-art-where-am-I-gonna-put-it-all problem I had. But I noticed what made me spend that money: seeing other peoples' beautiful homes.

I didn't like that.

I read AHP's "Culture Study" newsletter. I find her an interesting journalist and I usually find what she has to say, and what her guests have to say, to be interesting. This morning, she put out a newsletter talking about how she'd deleted Instagram from her phone before Christmas, and taken her email app off too while she was at it.

There are so many good chunks of this newsletter, but I want to share a few:

I find myself diverting my scroll energy to Facebook, where I still have an account to access dahlia groups, but it feels even more gross than before: a wasteland of AI accounts promising blue dahlias and weight loss reels and suggestions to friends of friends who haven’t updated their Facebook accounts in nearly a decade. It’s like a frat house basement at 10 am. Why the fuck am I here.

and

After years of people yelling at me in books, think pieces, and tweets (lol) to “break up with my phone,” “delete your social media accounts,” and “fuck Mark Zuckerberg,” turns out the thing that I needed was a whole conglomeration of quiet arguments and technological shifts that made my phone and the social media accounts on it feel less precious. Put differently, I haven’t come to value it less; instead, it’s become less valuable.

and

The amount of space these technologies take up in our lives — and their ever-diminishing utility — has brought us to a sort of cultural tipping point. I’ve sensed it over the last year, when my social feeds seemed to finish their years-long transformation from a neighborhood populated with friends to a glossy condo development of brands.

AHP articulated precisely what I'd been feeling. My curated feeds of people I'd CHOSEN to follow had been replaced with algorithms of content created by professional influencers who wanted my attention (to monetize it, to sell me things, to sell my eyes to a company, whatever).

I was disgusted by the few home renovation accounts I'd begun to follow posting their all-precious Amazon links of useless chintz. Twitter was plainly a hellhole. I'm sick of businesses and businesspeople deciding what I see in the desperate hope that I hand them money.

This has bled out to other parts of my life, even. Though I've lovingly heaped praise onto Spotify for giving me two new playlists of just-for-me algorithm-picked songs each week, I've gotten into watching and listening to DJ sets on Youtube (this and this were really enjoyable) because something that's become patently clearer to me was my own desire to experience curation.

I want to feel like what I read, what I hear, what I see, has been lovingly and intentionally made by another human because they loved it so much that they had to share it. Not because they wanted to sell me something. Not because an algorithm thinks that since I liked Song A, I'll like Song B, C, D, and XYZ based on other listener patterns. Because a real human put time and effort and a pinch of luck into discovering something and wanted to share it.

I'm getting off of Instagram Reels. I'm unfollowing the home decor/design pages I added into my feed. I'm debating deleting Twitter off my phone entirely. I'm tired of being fed ads, even if they're disguised as pretty home updates. I'm tired of being fed the worst news and the worst denizens of the internet all clamoring for attention. I'm tired of an algorithm determining what will suck up my attention.

So, all of this to say: it's been weird seeing people—friends, acquaintances, old coworkers—post on Instagram mourning the (very brief) death of Tiktok. The idea of the app being banned in the States, while worrying from a freedom of speech/oligarchy perspective, didn't bother me on a personal level as a now non-user. It's been weird noticing that my dad has started watching YouTube shorts in retirement. It's been weird seeing all the algorithms and feeling so claustrophobic about them. I want out. I want away. I can feel their presence like a shrinking room, the walls touching my skin.

This is pie-in-the-sky and naive, but it's why I like Tumblr. I shell out a few bucks a month so I don't even see ads anymore. I ticked the "do not show blazed posts" option for my dash. I don't go on the "For you" page. Every morning when I scroll my dash, I always reach the end, because I don't even follow all that many people. There is a finite limit to what I see. I can go a half hour without anything new appearing on my dash, some days. It can even get boring.

...it's nice. It feels self-curated. It's actually what I want out of social media.

Anyways, this is now a stupidly long post, and I don't have a closing statement beyond "I want to experience human-curated spaces that aren't trying to sell me shit" and "I want to stop subjecting myself to algorithms out of fear that I'm missing something or out of fear that I'll be bored."

I'll finish out with three more quotes from the AHP piece:

Not being bored is why you always feel busy, why you keep “not having time” to take a package to the post office or work on your novel. You do have time—you just spend it on your phone.

and

App Time is Time, App Energy is Energy

and

The world, filtered through the apps, is not the world we want for ourselves. And in many cases, it’s not the actual world we inhabit.

[lxcke]

@killerlittlerejects: The Master Post

As you all know, I love to sit back and watch things unfold before bringing up an opinion. I don't really talk a lot, but when I do, there's usually something very serious going on. Well, today's the day I air out all that dirty laundry @killerlittlerejects has been desperately trying to keep under wraps. KLR, you've got multiple GROUPS of victims spanning back entire years, and they've all got a lot to say about you, girlie. I know what you did, and I'd love to share with the class your hypocrisy, lies, and long history of bullying.

After hours of research and conversations with your various victims, it's clear you have a pattern:

You catch wind of a target when they say something you don’t like.

Proceed to make it your entire personality for months to years at a time.

Shitpost, stalk, harass, and threaten this target completely out of left field.

Bask in the attention until your victim catches onto what you’re doing.

Get called out and play the perfect little angel victim against all the allegations.

Block block block, ignore, deflect, and/or fandom-hop to the next clean slate.

Repeat.

I don't tread lightly with my words when I tell you that this chick is psychotic. She's been caught stalking, with not two, not three, not four, but SEVEN known alt accounts. My team has had to sit down as a group and block a total of sixteen other related accounts to this person in an attempt to get her and the people associated with her fully off our back, and we're still not sure if that's all of them. Her cyberstalking habit has gotten to the point of police reports being filed on her. Twice.

This chick has pushed people into getting the police involved.

So, for one, harassing someone over something as simple as writing, attempting to stir up a little hate group against one of the biggest Cluster B artists on Tumblr, is scummy and comes off like you are clout farming. You've gone from what I thought was a bad case of keyboard-warrioring to one of the vilest attention whores I've ever been forced to witness beg on this platform.

You thought you could get away with trash-talking a man who has openly stated he has a disorder that affects how he communicates, who has openly said he uses his art as a coping mechanism, and who has openly made it clear he creates for those without a voice in the ASPD community. To me, and to many others, it looks like textbook middle-school bullying. You clocked him as an easy target, someone you thought you could overpower, banking on him either staying silent or slipping up just enough to hand you more ammo.

You thought. Bitch.

I've made other posts about this. Much more civil posts. Much more genuine attempts to connect and level with you, but you're just not getting the hint. There are way more people than you know of who will defend this good man with everything they have because he has done them nothing but kindness. You want to sit here and police everything Anton does when you don't even know him, nor have made efforts to, all because you need a punching bag. Every time he so much as breathes wrong, you got something to say, and I'm so fucking over it.

It’s honestly pathetic how you refused to just block the guy like a normal person. Instead, you lurk like some bargain-bin PI, desperate to dig up more dirt to whine about. It’s also incredibly suspicious to me that both Anton’s and my accounts went under a mass report review out of nowhere after nothing but complete normalcy, and not even twelve hours later, you're back at it after MONTHS of supposed radio silence on our end. I genuinely thought we were good up until now. You don’t “get dragged into drama” like you love to bitch about, you light the match and dive headfirst into the gasoline, then cry that it burns. You’ve spent every waking moment trying to paint yourself as some pure little victim while you stir shit behind the scenes. Now that the truth's out? You're flailing and mass-blocking like that’s going to save you. It's always your move: deny, deflect, block, repeat, a predictable little meltdown from someone who thought they’d never get called out by more than just those involved in your little game.

I’m not gonna name names, dox, threaten, or send people after you, because I’m not like you. I was nice to you, dude, but I’m not going to continue and let my team grovel at you and your circle’s feet and beg for forgiveness. These kinds of serious accusations from troves and troves of people, especially since their stories all line up with ours, really makes me wonder…

Anton hasn’t done shit to you or anyone else, and frankly, I’m fed up with your bitch ass tone, instigating other creators in the fandom to come up with insane rumors and accusations, and acting like you know the motherfucker’s “dark secrets” when all of you and your flying monkeys are completely clueless. None of you want to take any of the WOMEN in his circle seriously, blatantly ignoring what we’ve all had to say in favor of your self-righteous circle jerk. I’m not an angry person. I don’t normally do this. I’ve never even been involved with internet drama like this in my entire internet career, but you. You’re on a lot of people’s shitlist. YOU KINDS OF PEOPLE ARE THE REASON I LEFT THE FANDOM YEARS AGO. This is nothing new to me!

So, let me just… go through some of the shit you’ve been spewing here.

Everything you’ve posted reads like a tantrum wrapped in fake concern?? If you’re “scared” to post and need to open with a “no harassment” disclaimer, it’s obviously just drama you’re trying to dress up as activism. You complain Anton makes people “walk on eggshells,” but really, he just has standards and refuses to turn his project into your Tumblr fanfic fantasy land. You want to sit there and claim “oh that’s not the case and they’re bad boys!!!” but then get pissed when they become too disturbing for your taste. You’re mad that he actually has a backbone, not that he's some fandom dictator. Claiming he “shames” anything that doesn’t fit his vision? Of course he does… it’s HIS project. It’s HIS blog. It’s HIS space, and you are actively stepping into his online space and then crying about it??

Anton isn’t responsible for memorizing every bad Wattpad rewrite you cling to like scripture. Calling him a hypocrite for using shock value when he’s actually writing horror and not some pity party is insane; using shock to unsettle is what real horror authors do. You just can’t tell the difference because your taste was formed by creepypasta TikToks and 2010 dance AMVs. You even admit the fandom was never realistic, yet you’re mad that Anton had the audacity to actually do something different with it. 

Anton didn’t “mistype” to cover his ass, he had to clarify because people like you twist everything into a federal crime scene the second you get confused. You think pointing out that he criticizes other Jeffs is a gotcha…? No, he critiques, that’s allowed. We all know that and we’re not fucking stupid, bitch. What YOU are doing is attempting to destroy Anton’s name with baseless but HUGE accusations getting stirred up on your blog. None of us EVER tried to do this kind of shit to you. Now the cat’s out of the bag because you just couldn’t leave us alone.

As for the Leech and Tyrant situation: he's writing a toxic dynamic on purpose to show how evil it is, not to endorse it. If you can't handle seeing morally bad characters doing bad things without thinking it’s an endorsement, you’re not fit to be talking shit. And accusing someone of guilt just because they edited a post is the dumbest middle school logic imaginable. You’re not exposing anything real here. You’re just pissed that Blessed Be the Wicked isn’t the fandom-safe, pastel-coated story you wanted. You didn’t "catch" Anton,  you exposed yourself as someone too lazy to engage with actual horror storytelling and too entitled to realize you aren’t owed anything.

You have never bothered to investigate further into Blessed Be The Wicked’s messages. Your "criticism" about how "violence isn't maturity" is laughable, no shit, but Anton isn't just throwing gore around for shock, he’s showing broken characters being broken, which is leagues more thoughtful than pretending Jeff just needed a hug. You ramble about feminism like it has anything to do with Anton's work when it doesn't. And your complaints about “spite” and “hatred” are projection at its finest, dude, you are the one bashing Anton publicly. Anton talks about the fandom, his takes, and his arts. You encourage people to call him an incest supporter, a creep, and a misogynist. In the end, you admit you don’t know anything about his actual story. You tuned out, you didn’t engage, and you decided your shallow personal grudge mattered more than facts. That’s not critique, bitch, that’s straight selfism.

Look at Terrifyer 2. Look at Hostel. Look at literally any fucking horror movie. Anton’s level of gore/sexuality in his work is like a goddamn tea party. You’re acting like a fucking baby. You admit you were emotionally unstable when you wrote your original hit piece (no surprise there), but you still cling to your outrage like a little fucking kid. You’re mad because in early drafts, two characters were written to be the same person (not literal twins,) or mentor-apprentice, and in later drafts they were rewritten, as if that’s some cardinal sin in storytelling. You PURPOSEFULLY took that literally to cause shit.

Rewriting and evolving relationships is called developing a story, not "one-upping yourself." Then you reach for the laziest grenade you could find. "It’s misogyny!!!! Look guys it’s misogyny!!!! It’s bad!!!" As if screaming misogyny without evidence somehow makes your whining valid. You tried the "healing art isn’t for the internet" take, which is such a bad-faith, selfish argument it’s practically villainous. Anton sharing art he worked through trauma with doesn’t obligate him to babysit your feelings. I’m sure we can all agree that we hold art close to our hearts in one way or another and want to share that. Your grand finale on one of these latest posts is calling yourself an "ignorant cunt" like it’s a badge of honor. Fine. Self-awareness is the first step to recovery. Stay there.

The guilt-tripping lately is Olympic-level. Someone from her asks apologized for accidentally fanning the flames, and KLR practically threw a pity party. She claims it’s "not their fault," but immediately shifts to passive-aggressively blaming us for daring to defend ourselves, because how dare people try to keep an innocent man’s name clean? Then she acts like a martyr, whining about being "singled out," even though she was the one who reignited an old drama with a new post. Actions, consequences. Not a hard concept dude, come on. She says she’s "upset it escalated," like she’s just an innocent bystander, when she chose to publish drama-bait and knew exactly what kind of response it would get. You’re not a victim of some grand scheme; you're just messy, and now the mess splattered back on you.

After stirring the pot until it boiled over, KLR pulled this AWESOME classic internet martyr move: announcing a dramatic "signing off" like she’s some war hero going into exile. She cries that blocking people somehow wasn’t enough (because her victims have to silence themselves just to make her comfortable). She insists she’s “safe” and “not self-harming,” fishing for sympathy, doing that bullshit manipulative undertone of accusation that we’re threatening her SAFETY??? while conveniently ignoring that her side started the harassment, ableism, and dogpiling over personality disorders. “I’m not suicidal guys!!!” Motherfucker, nobody said ANYTHING about coming over to hurt you. You’re projecting.

Then, just like clockwork, she wraps it all in a syrupy "you are loved, have fun, be creative" speech, because nothing says emotional manipulation like trying to look wholesome right after turning a fandom into a battleground. If she wanted things to calm down, she could've stopped months ago. But no, she kept kicking the hornet’s nest and now wants a parade for "stepping away." The Oscar is in the mail.

So, let’s look at the receipt here:

Saw Anton’s views she didn’t like → obsessed over them.

Months of “poking the bear,” shitposts, stirring the pot, supposedly dropping vague DMs from alts, keyboard warrior shit.

Ramped up the disinformation campaigns and ableism when she didn’t get the attention she wanted

Played "truth-teller" while getting ego boosts from followers.

Anton’s defenders decided to FINALLY clap back after finally getting sick of it.

Immediately switched to "I’m scared 😭 I did nothing wrong!!" mode.

Blocked critics, played dead online. Prepping for a comeback in a different fandom probably as we speak.

Yup, that checks out. She’s textbook. Not "misunderstood." Not "scared." Not "traumatized into lashing out." She's a professional abuser LARPing as a martyr and I am not about to sit here and let her continue to abuse not only my lover, my friends, and myself, but the fandom I grew up in and hold dear. 

I’ve got THIRTEEN individual people in my inbox telling me all about you, and I’m so happy to know that it’s not us, it’s you. Fuck you.

Sincerely,

Locke

[sunshineandspencer]

Playing nurse (End)

Let me stress, this is not Maeve from the show, but my own Maeve just named the same to send Spencer into hell whenever he thinks about it.

A/N: I have a chronic fear of things ending. I've had this written for like two weeks but I hate the idea of it being over. Sorry, and thank you for everyone who enjoyed my first story on tumblr <33

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!BAU!OC.

Summary: He takes care of her until she’s finally cleared by the Doctor and he can make good on his promise

Word Count: 1.8k

Warnings: kissing (ew), slightly suggestive at the end but nothing described

Parts: Pt1, Pt2, Pt3, Pt4, Pt5, Pt6, Pt7, Pt8, Pt9, Pt10

be added to the taglist!!

While he had been overbearingly sweet and protective while she recovered, and was let out of the hospital, her pretty new boyfriend still hasn’t kissed her.

Not for a lack of trying either.

Every chance she got, she would try and subtly drag him closer, but he always caught on. Giving her a chiding look and turning them back to whatever they had been doing. She’d wear her prettiest lip gloss and do stupid things to try and convince him. 

But his mind was set, until she got cleared by the doctor, no smooching.

Besides, despite his gleaming teasing, she wasn’t desperate. After waiting months and assuming he hated her, she can last a few more weeks. For the stitches to heal and the pain to finally stop without meds.

Spencer, true to his word, didn’t leave her side. Helping her get back and settle into her apartment, at which he lamented no longer living in ‘their’ house.

That, at least, got him to suck in a painful breath and press a kiss to her hair.

God did he miss that too.

Sure, he’d stayed in the guest room and given her free reign of that master bedroom, but that had been enough - he hadn’t needed to sleep in the same bedroom as her to feel close. The whole thing had only three days together but it felt like a lifetime.

Eating every meal together, doing stupid tasks like cleaning and shopping, watching crap reality television and getting strangely into it. He missed being able to casually touch her as his ‘wife’, but girlfriend is an excellent place for them to start again together after everything they’d gone through.

The fear of losing her had been debilitating, and looking after her now, staying in her spare room, was what he needed.

To see her every day and be reminded that she’s completely fine.

His damn woman wasn’t making it easy in trying to stop her from pulling her stitches or injuring herself further. Those first couple of days, with her constantly trying to sneak a kiss in, she was being impossible. But he won’t - he can’t - not until she’s cleared.

Thankfully his incentive worked and after a while - well, after she had a breakdown in the kitchen and he’d had to hold her and make sure he knows that he wants to but he’s worried about her recovery - and was finally patient.

Thanks to her newfound patience, they fell into a routine; he would wake up in her spare room and go to wake her up with painkillers and new bandages, check on her stitches, and then spend the day together. The two of them are definitely in the honeymoon phase - as Garcia gleefully tells her in every facetime.

Yes, they love each other, but they’re also so used to having their own space, which they’ll probably love after all this is over. Needing some alone time doesn’t mean they don’t still completely love each other - but they’d lived as individuals so long it would take some time to adjust.

The honeymoon phase was saving their ass - and their relationship. Everyday spent together is bliss.

Learning, properly, about each other. She talked about her family, normal in some remote town, and his decidedly less normal childhood. He finally told her about Maeve and why he had been so harsh, which she understood but still called him daft. Honestly they talked about anything and everything. Until Spencer was fairly certain he’d be able to identify her blind, just from the breath she takes before she speaks.

Thanks to his diligence, and her eventual co-operation, it was only two weeks until she could finally get the bandage and stitches removed. With no incidents since she left the hospital.

Once she’s cleared for duty, and the Doctor begins to send the paperwork through to prove it to Emily, they leave.

Their hands laced together and swinging between them, Maeve chatting excitedly about going back to work. All the way from the office, in the elevator and through the main entrance to the parking lot.

“Oh I can’t wait to see Penelope. Facetiming just isn’t the same.. I want a hug. Plus I miss the smell of stale coffee and the patriarchy.” Giving him a grin as they get closer to her mini, the keys swinging in his other hand. “Is it weird that I miss the serial killers?”

“You don’t miss serial killers, angel. We’ve talked about this.”

But he was smiling all the same, causing her to laugh and lean into his side.

Once again, he’s impressed with his ability to hold any kind of conversation with her when his brain is melting under the constant ‘God please I just want to kiss her’. Just like he’d been struggling against for the past two weeks while taking care of her.

Somehow, Maeve had seemingly forgotten their promise as she was still talking, and he’s not a strong man when it comes to her.

“--I might see if I can babysit for JJ and Will, their kids are adorable. Or maybe finally have that girl’s night, we were meaning to go for one before all this and I miss drinking. Or--”

They got to the car and he turned to hold her against the passenger door, giving her a teasing smile. Smoothing the hair from her face and moving his hands down to her upper arms to hold her still.

“Or, you could spend time with your boyfriend?”

Laughing, she rested her hands softly over his forearms, that teasing look not dropping from her face, and subsequently making his brain melt even further.

He’s not sure how he lasted two weeks like this.

“My boyfriend who I spent every day of the last two weeks with?”

“Well-”

“Spence, if you.. monopolise any more of my time, Penelope might just--”

Incredulous, a laugh left him and he cut her off. Leaning down to kiss her as desperately as he’d wanted for the past two weeks. One hand sliding up to her hair, gripping gently to tilt her head back until it hits the roof of the mini, slanting his lips a little harder against hers.

Right here, he knew he’d never get enough of her ever again. Her taste, her lips, the feel of her, her reactions. 

God, her reactions.

At first she’d tensed, not quite believing he was finally kissing her. Once it sunk it, she relaxed against him, easing her grip where she’d started to leave marks and letting her eyes fall shut. 

Then, once he’d tilted her head back and pushed her a little more insistently against the car, she had actually whimpered against his lips, and he was desperate to chase that little noise as far as she would let him. Her hands moved from his arms to fist in the front of his shirt and dragged him closer.

Until they were all but making out in the hospital parking lot.

When he finally pulled back - dreading his need for air - he kept close. Their foreheads are near but not quite touching, still wanting to be able to look down at her properly. Giving them both a moment to breathe as two weeks, probably longer, washed over them.

Opening his eyes to just look down at her, loving the flushed cheeks and laboured breaths. Loving her.

“Angel.” She hums. “Do you want to know why I wouldn’t kiss you while you were recovering?”

It took her a little while to respond, cracking her eyes open to finally meet his again. Sure that he legs would’ve given out if it wasn’t for him holding her up against the car. Not quite trusting her voice yet, she shook her head, the hand not in her hair wrapping around her waist.

And Jesus, but he finds her so pretty like this, glossy eyed and smiling.

“Because you are perfect sweetheart, and if I’d kissed you, I wouldn’t be able to stop at just one.. or two.. or three.” Punctuating each number with a peck to her lips, which just made her pretty and pliant under his palm. “And I didn’t want to hurt you.”

Swallowing thickly, she let go of the front of his shirt from the death-grip she’d gotten on it, smoothing down the wrinkles she’d made as she cleared her throat from where her heart had blocked it.

Looking back up to meet his gaze as she continued to smooth away the wrinkles she’d left.

“I’m uh.. I’m alright now.”

“Yes, you are.”

With a smug grin, which looks far too good on his face, she leant in to brush their noses together. A tender action that’s completely at odds with the heat in his gaze.

That hand around her waist slipped to her lower back, pulling her fully against him and revelling in the way a soft squeak left her lips, and her eyes darted down to his own as if expecting him to kiss her. Quickly darting back up, indignant, when he started to talk instead.

“So, angel, would you like to call Penelope for a girl’s night? Or would you like to go home with your boyfriend?”

Making a face, and trying to ignore the blush high on her cheeks, she tugged him back down for another quick kiss, which he happily gave her. Trying to act very nonchalant, despite her own obvious excitement.

“Let’s go home, please.”

Finally letting go of her, he reached around to pull on the door handle. Opening up the passenger door for her and ushering her inside.

Leaning his forearm on the roof to lean in and give her another kiss.

“Alright sweetheart, home it is. What should we do? Watch a movie?”

She scowled at him, a sight he loved so damn much now it aches. Which is why it brings him so much glee to shut the door in her scowling face and walk around to the driver’s side, slow as he likes.

Impressed that he’s been able to resist the urge to sprint round and get in the car like he absolutely wants to do. His need to tease her is the only thing stronger than his need to kiss her.

Once he finally got in, she prodded his side, still glaring at him as he belted up.

“If you don’t kiss me some more when we get home, I will be going out with Penelope.”

“Don’t worry angel, I plan to thoroughly make up for the last two weeks.”

That got her to shut up, scowl falling away into something far more bashful, a pretty smile settling onto her face as she got comfortable for the drive back to her apartment.

With a happy sigh, he reached to turn the radio on, and then let his hand fall to her thigh, squeezing gently to get her attention - as if she was able to think of anything besides him when his entire presence fills the car and her head and her chest.

Rubbing firm circles to the top of her thigh as that smug grin climbed back onto his face.

“You won’t need to call Penelope, or anyone else, just yet. I told them that your appointment isn’t until tomorrow, so I have you all to myself for the next twenty-four hours.”

Want more?! Good!

taglist ( ˘ ³˘)♥ @peliides �� @peachsodameg ║ @angelinajolie0213 ║ @jiggly-puff-12 ║ @khxna ║ @kennedy2156 ║ @trulycayla ║ @none-of-your-bullshit ║ @alexxavicry ║ @meg-black ║ @princess76179 ║ @chicken-fifi ║ @averyhotchner ║ @punkyghoulz ║ @person-005 ║ @aaronlovesava ║ @Optimisticsandwichgladiator ║ @cultish-corner ║ @xox0_emma ║ @whatyagottado  (if your tag is here and not working check out this reblog to see if any of it could hopefully help!!)

[maybankiara]

WHEN MY TIME COMES AROUND

pairing: JJ Maybank x Kiara Carrera summary: Kiara, through grief, has to deal with having JJ's baby. w/c: 1.7k a/n: this is basically just pure angst and written from tumblr spoilers (i haven't seen s4 p2) and i'm sorry. spot the angsty hozier references masterlist  read on archive of our own

Kiara never got to tell him she was pregnant.

 She found out late, when she was already out of the first trimester, and grief had been consuming her. Excuses flew by, one by one, as she made sense of her missing periods, of her weight gain, of the roundness of her stomach, until she no longer could.

 Sarah was by her side when she broke into pieces, four months further along than Kiara was.

 It wasn’t pretty. It wasn’t poetic. It wasn’t something she’d ever talk about.

 Her friend held her as she crumbled to the floor, bawling her eyes out, screaming her dead lover’s name. She never wanted to have kids and if he did, he hadn’t told her so, and the reality of it was a blow after blow.

 Sarah cleaned her up. Talked her through the heartbreak, through her own tears.

 ‘You don’t have to keep it,’ she whispered.

 ’I do,’ Kiara said.

 Before he died, they’d never made it official like Sarah and John B had. There was never a ring, or vows, or a plan for a future that would make them feel like they were last. Their moments were too fleeting, too ephemeral, and Kiara had nothing to hold onto. Nothing to call his.

 Until now.

 She told the rest of the group a few days later. It was shock—how could that be? he’d been gone for months—but they held her so she wouldn’t break again, and she could see the fear in their eyes.

 The fear for her.

 Kiara went home at the end of that week. Her parents no longer had a reason to keep her away, with him gone, and they even accepted the situation after initial arguments against.

 She was their daughter—they loved her, at the end of everything—and they’d be by her side.

 Months passed. Kiara grew bigger.

 Sarah gave birth to a boy. They wanted to call him after him, but held back, in case Kiara wanted to do it instead. She didn’t want to know the gender, picked out names, and she appreciated it. She wanted the freedom. She wanted to have every bit of him she could.

 Often, she’d stand in front of the mirror, watching the bump. Her skin was full of stretchmarks and sore bits, but in there was something that was hers and his, and Kiara loved it more than she’d loved anything.

 Almost.

 On par with him.

 She’d look into the mirror and see herself, big and bloated and exhausted, but she’d imagine him behind her shoulder, hugging her like he’d used to. She’d imagine his hand on her belly, taking the weight off of her for a few moments, and relaxing into him. She’d imagine what he would’ve been like if he’d gotten the chance to be a dad, and she knew there’d be no better one.

 A lot of her time was spent between home and Sarah. She stayed at the house they’d bought, he’d bought, and watched her friends look after the baby boy. She cradled him and loved him as an aunt, wondering how it was possible that something so sweet, so innocent, could come from people like them.

 She had nothing but hope for her own.

 When the day came, Pope and Cleo drove her to the hospital. Sarah was the one by her side, holding her hand through it, guiding her through the process she’d gone through herself only months before. It was the most excruciating thing Kiara had gone through, but the moment the bundle ended up in her arms, she knew it was the only thing in the world that mattered.

 It looked nothing like either of them, but babies take a while to grow into their faces.

 She told herself she could see traces of him in her already.

 Jodie Jones, she called her, and gave her his surname. She looked like a rascal, screaming and crying and looking, watching, absorbing everything. She was curious and adamant and beautiful, and Kiara began to cry.

 He’d never see her. He’d never lay his eyes on her.

 It was all she had of him and she begged the world, universe, god, anything, to let him be a part of her life.

 Kiara brought her home, and raised her with the Pogues. Her parents came over nearly every day, checking in, but Sarah and John B’s boy, Dean, became like a brother to little Jodie. People joked about the kids growing up and getting together, someday, but nobody liked the idea – they thought of the kids as siblings. They raised them as siblings.

 Kiara couldn’t raise her alone.

 Pictures of him were all over the house. At first, she brought them down because the memory was too much to bear, but Jodie deserved to grow up knowing that despite everything, her dad was loved. Her dad was the backbone of the group and it was his memory that held them together – existing in a house he’d reclaimed from the man he called Dad, living because rather than in spite of.

 When Jodie was three, and Dean held her hand in the park, she asked the question.

 ‘Where’s Daddy?’

 John B and Sarah were in the distance, hugging, and Kiara felt her heart clench. ‘He’s away.’

 ‘He’s on the walls,’ Jodie said. ‘In the pictures.’

 ‘Your Daddy’s watching over you,’ Kiara said, stifling tears. ‘He’s looking after you.’

 Dean nodded, even though she wasn’t speaking to him. ‘My mum says angels watch over us. Is he an angel?’

 Yes, Kiara wanted to say, he’s an angel.

 But kids wouldn’t understand that.

 ‘No,’ she said instead. ‘He’s just away.’

 Jodie nodded. ‘He will come back?’

 A tear escaped. Sarah and John B came over just in time, scooping the kids up, as and they were giggling, laughing, screaming, as if the conversation never happened.

 Sarah came to her side and Kiara cried in the privacy of her shoulder.

 It never got easier.

 Not when Jodie was a blonde little thing, with dimples, and that wicked little smile Kiara used to love. Not when Jodie was a smartass, reckless, too curious for her own good, too hotheaded. She was nothing if not her father.

 It was another two years before Jodie found out.

 Kiara didn’t mean for her to – it was the unsaid thing, that she didn’t have a dad, but they never spoke much about it. There was no right way for Kiara to explain death to a kid, and even when she tried, the words would get stuck in her throat.

 Pope’s dog brought them a dead crow.

 Jodie was there, and Jodie learned about death, and she looked at her mother with those innocent eyes and asked, ‘Is Daddy dead?’

 All Kiara could do was nod.

 She began telling more stories about him, after that. Every night when Jodie was going to bed, Kiara would tell her stories abotu her father. About the brave boy who stood up to bullies; the boy who helped them find gold; the boy who found El Dorado.

 ‘My Daddy’s a hero!’ Jodie said.

 ‘He was.’

 Pictures of him still lined the walls, but Kiara looked at them with fondness, now. She saw traces of Jodie in him rather than him in Jodie, and the world began shifting. Never away form him – just to a world where grief wasn’t an enemy, but an acquaintance.

 A friend to walk with.

 Jodie started school. She was a Maybank, but she was a Carrera, too, and she was wicked smart and did everything but what she had to. She was causing ruckus, but kids loved her, and teachers did, against their will.

 She was ten when she got her nickname, from someone at school.

 ‘You don’t have to let them call you that if you don’t like it,’ Kiara told her.

 Kiara’s hands were on the wheel as she drove them back from school. Dean was away for football practice, and Jodie would have lacrosse tomorrow.

 ‘I don’t mind it,’ Jodie said. ‘It’s what they called Dad.’

 ‘It is.’

 ‘I like it. I think it suits me.’

 The mother smiled, and knew he’d be proud. Even thought she’d had to raise her without him, the Pogues did a great job with her and Dean. She was grateful she had them, and Jodie turned out ever the Pogue they knew she would, with Dean watching her back. They were inseparable, like John B and her father were, and she knew it was the best she could’ve done for the kid.

 For him, too.

 At fifteen, nobody called her Jodie anymore. She was the star lacrosse player, slumming it with Dean Routledge, ever the troublemaker, and they had their own little friend group. Pope and Cleo’s kid, ten years younger than them, was the baby of the group and they looked after him like no other.

 Dean even took her to prom, when she punched her planned date in the nose after she caught him kissing another girl. It was a whole night of dealing with it, telling her violence wasn’t the answer, but she had enough of her father’s blood to believe otherwise.

 Still, Kiara was proud. She loved her as she was, and everything that she’d inherited from her father, the good and the bad alike.

 That summer was the best summer of her life. The kids were seventeen, about to leave for college, and little Terrence latched onto them every moment he could, and they adored him. They were drinking beers and going to parties, but Kaira never judged them for it.

 ‘We did a good job,’ Sarah told her as they watched the bonfire.

 Cleo kissed her teeth. ‘Crazy to think something so good came from us.’

 The kids gathered around it, in the backyard, and the adults sat on the porch. It was a beautiful summer day, lazy after they’d spent the most of it surfing. They were a lot of things, but nothing more than a family.

 John B chuckled. ‘It feels like yesterday we were their age.’

 ‘I’m just glad they’re not as stupid as we were,’ Pope said.

 Kiara scoffed. ‘Don’t speak too soon. That one’s every bit her father. I’m just waiting for the call.’

 The mention of him still weighed down conversations, but they’d gotten used to it. There was a lighter tone when he was brought up, but his absence never went away. There was always one spot that felt too empty, the one nobody sat in. There was the lack of rashness, of impulsivity, of things that would get them into trouble.

 Kiara’s heart never stopped aching.

 But she looked at the kids now, at the next generations of Pogues, and felt pride swell in her chest in place of grief.

 She couldn’t have give their child a better life if she tried.

 Somewhere, if there was heaven, he was watching them from above. She hoped he was happy, too. She hoped he’d still be waiting for her when her time came.

 For now, she watched Dean Routledge and Terrence Heyward and JJ Maybank and thought, it wasn’t all worth it, but they made it.

 They’d be alright.

[demigod-shenanigans]

Lean on Me

Summary: After the war, Leo finally has some time to process some pretty big feelings he’s been avoiding. Thankfully, Piper is there to help.

Shoutout to my friend @halcyon-hyacinth for beta reading!

Word count: ~7K

So, I passed 250 followers a while back and I thought I’d take this as an opportunity to do a test run of tumblr fanfic posting (Ao3 version linked in the title). Therefore, have my very first HoO fic from all the way back in March! Feat. lots of Leo and Piper friendship, Leo being an oblivious pining little idiot over Jason and some very minor background pipeyna.

———

Even though it had been weeks since they’d gotten back home, Leo was sometimes still in disbelief about the fact that he was back at Camp Half-Blood after how long they’d been away. It felt weird not falling asleep to a rumbling engine anymore. It felt even weirder to wake up in a cabin full of people.

The number of people being home involved was something he didn’t think he’d ever grow used to. He’d grown up with just his mom and the very occasional visit from family who couldn’t be bothered to care about him after she’d passed away. Then there’d been the foster homes… well, the less said about those, the better. Point being, it was strange how different things were here, and despite the months he’d lived here before the mission, it never stopped feeling that way.

Leo liked his half-siblings, but he wasn’t great with people. He was even worse at being any kind of role model. Most of his time as head counselor for the Hephaestus cabin had been spent on constructing the Argo II. What exactly being head counselor involved now that that was done… that was a problem for future Leo, he supposed. Current Leo was perfectly content hanging out in the same space as some of his siblings, watching their various contraptions grow as he worked on his own. So far, no one had asked him to do anything else, save for the occasional question about his epic adventures. Those he could handle just fine.

Part of Leo missed the time on the Argo, beyond the soothing familiarity of piloting Festus. Not all of it—not the constant monster attacks or knowing the world might end or having to replace the mast four times in the same week. Not the lonely moments when everyone seemed perfectly content without him. But he missed the group breakfasts, and the peaceful bits of the night time watches he’d had with his friends, before something inevitably tried to eat the ship. He missed running into Jason when he got up for a midnight snack, the strange comfort of knowing neither of them could sleep. He missed teasing Frank, and spending three hours arguing with Annabeth about one of her architectural sketches that was as gorgeous as it was physically impossible to construct. Something about the contained space of the ship had made certain things easier. Camp wasn’t huge, but most of them got swept up in their respective tasks, and it just wasn’t the same, especially since Frank and Hazel had left. Some of the Romans had stayed to help with the rebuilding effort, but they’d needed at least one praetor back at Camp Jupiter, so he’d gone, and Hazel had gone with him.

Still, for the most part, Leo was glad to be back home. It was nice to not be fighting for his life every thirty seconds for a change. It was even nicer to be back in his usual tinkering space. Note to self: if he ever built another flying ship, it desperately needed to come with a furnace. His own fire was handy, sure, but setting his limbs alight wasn’t the safest or the most effective way to forge Celestial Bronze. Kid Leo really should have thought his crayon sketch through better.

Speaking of projects he should have spent more time thinking through… he dipped the hot metal disc into cold water, waiting for a moment before he retrieved it with his bare hands.

He’d always felt kind of silly wearing protective gloves considering he could reach into the furnace just fine without it affecting him. (He’d done that exactly once, before a very startled Nyssa had ruined his fun by insisting that the head counselor maybe shouldn’t be teaching his not-fireproof younger siblings that it was fine to stick your bare hands into the furnace. Being a role model was seriously boring sometimes.)

Leo eyed his device, uncertain. It looked better than it had before the last correction, but… yep. Like he’d suspected, the folding mechanism still wasn’t working right. On the last few attempts, the helmet hadn’t unfolded at all, and now that it had, it wasn’t retracting correctly. He had a feeling it had something to do with uneven volume distribution, but he’d gotten too attached to this prototype to just start over now. There had to be a way to make this work. He’d rebuilt a whole metal dragon nearly from scratch, for crying out loud. Like Hades was he going to let a piece of armor defeat him.

Leo was still thinking about whether to take a break and try sketching out the prototype to see if that would help or continue to just wing it when Piper appeared.

“You busy?” She looked tired, but satisfied, like Leo felt when he had a breakthrough on one of his projects at two in the morning.

She’d been dropping by more often since they’d gotten back. Jason was about a million times worse.

It felt… not like old times, exactly, since the time when they’d been a trio of friends and Piper and Jason hadn’t been dating had mostly been Mist memories. But it did feel nice.

“Very. Currently having a staring contest with my newest project. Don’t distract me, or it’s going to win,” Leo joked.

He was met with an eye roll, but Piper’s smile didn’t waver.

“Right. What are you working on, and how worried do I need to be about it blowing us all up?”

“Not very, I hope. That’d kinda defeat the purpose.” He showed her the palm-shaped device, a few parts of metal still sticking out of the sides where they weren’t supposed to. “Retractable helmet—though currently not as retractable as I’d like it to be. I’m tired of Jason constantly getting concussed. There’s only so much brain damage any demigod should be subjected to, ambrosia or no.”

Piper snorted.

“Yeah, he could really use that.”

She was looking at Leo in a strange way—like he’d just answered correctly on a game show he hadn’t even known he was participating in.

“Why are you in such a good mood? Do I need to be worried?”

“Reyna said my combat skills needed more work. She’s spent all morning repeatedly disarming me in three moves.”

“Your girlfriend is terrifying.”

“Yeah, she is.” Piper sighed contently.

Leo was happy for her—she hadn’t been dating Reyna for long, but he’d never seen Piper smile this much before. In some ways, it was easier than seeing her with Jason. It didn’t come with the same weird pang in his chest.

That didn’t mean being around Reyna had stopped feeling weird to Leo, though. He couldn’t shake the feeling that she hadn’t fully forgiven him for getting possessed and firing on her home. Not like he’d fully forgiven himself for it, either. He was still seriously considering that Slap-Leo-in-the-Face machine. He was unfortunately pretty sure there’d be more opportunities to use it in the future.

“I really don't get what Reyna’s problem is. You’ve got excellent aim when it comes to firing smoked hams at monsters. We just need to come up with a convenient way to carry those around now that we don’t have the cornucopia anymore.”

“Har. Har.” Piper rolled her eyes at him. “Anyway, any chance you could interrupt your glaring contest with the helmet for a bit? I need to talk to you.”

Leo’s mediocre mood had started to improve slightly since the start of their conversation, but now it took a massive dip. Those words never meant anything good.

He squashed down the first question that popped into his head—that being ‘who died’—because Piper was still smiling, so even if someone had died, it probably wasn’t anyone they liked.

More likely, Leo was about to be scolded for something.

“Whatever it is, it wasn’t me, and if it was me, it probably wasn’t on purpose,” he tried, mentally running through all the ways he’d messed up lately to figure out which one she was most likely to be mad about. It wasn’t that Piper scolded him a lot—half the time, she was a very enthusiastic participant in his nonsense—but maybe her rule-abiding girlfriend was being a bad influence. “If it’s about the glitter bomb I placed in Drew’s handbag-”

“You did what?” Piper asked, crossing her arms.

Great. So she hadn’t known, and Leo had just snitched on himself. Good job, him.

“I needed to test the mechanism for a new monster fighting gadget.” He shrugged.

“And you didn’t let me help?” Piper did actually look kind of offended. So Reyna wasn’t being that bad of an influence. Good to know.

“Hey, I can’t let you have all the fun. I’m head counselor of the Hephaestus cabin, remember? Someone’s gotta teach Harley about strategic glitter bomb placement. I take my responsibilities as an older brother very seriously.” Piper snorted, and Leo knew he was forgiven. Still, he wasn’t willing to risk any more guesses. “So what did you want to talk about, if it isn’t that?”

“Walk with me?”

“Slightly ominous request, but okay.”

Leo dropped the prototype into his tool belt to be retrieved later, then started fiddling with his rings until the crutches folded out obediently. Those weren’t his own design, unlike his prosthetic leg. They’d been a gift from his siblings. He didn’t need them as much at the forge, where he mainly went from briefly standing up to sitting down a lot, but outside of that, they were extremely convenient. It was great to not have to worry about where to put them so they wouldn’t topple into the campfire during singalong.

Relearning to walk was more frustrating than he cared to admit, but hey, at least he was about ninety percent less dead than the Fates had wanted him to be. That was pretty great.

“And me wanting to talk to you is ominous, why, exactly?” Piper asked, an eyebrow raised at him.

“She said, luring me into the woods like any half-decent murderer would,” Leo joked. It wasn’t that he actually feared for his life—not after Piper had put up with him for this long—but the whole situation did make him nervous. “For the record, I will be the world’s most annoying ghost, so, you know. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

“I was actually going to help you, but I think I’m pushing you into the canoe lake instead,” Piper deadpanned. “Or maybe I’ll just ask Reyna to-”

“Alright, alright, message received. No need to actually threaten my life.” Leo lifted his palms in surrender, which was a bit of a ridiculous balancing act with the crutches, but entirely worth the effort as far as he was concerned. “Just tell me why you’ve dragged me out here.”

Piper moved to sit on a large rock at the edge of the water and patted the spot next to her. Leo flopped down next to her, his crutches obediently folding back into the jewelry. He swung his legs back and forth, the celestial bronze parts of his prosthesis clunking whenever it hit the rock. That maybe wasn’t good, but he’d fix it later if it got dented. His fidgeting always got worse when he was nervous. There wasn’t much he could do about it.

He pulled a spring from his tool belt and started bending it with nothing specific in mind to keep his hands busy. Maybe he’d end up with something handy to use for one of his devices later. Maybe he’d just end up with a completely ruined spring. Who knew.

“Like I said, I wanted to talk to you. Preferably alone—or as alone as you can be here, with the dryads and the harpies everywhere.” Piper sighed. “I feel like we’ve not done that in a while.”

“Yeah.” Leo looked down at his sneakers. “Not that I can remember most of the time we did spend alone.”

That still stung. For the first few weeks after they’d freed Hera, Leo had assumed his and Piper’s real memories of Wilderness School would come back—that the influence of the Mist would fade. It hadn’t. They’d saved Hera’s life, but she wasn’t quite so grateful that she could be bothered to fix the memories she’d messed up by interspersing them within a bunch of fake memories of Jason.

Leo wasn’t even sure what was made up completely, and what had been Hera taking memories that should have been him and Piper messing with Hedge and testing out some of his faultier contraptions during lunch break and replacing her with Jason. Part of him wondered if it had been the two of them sneaking onto the roof for the meteor shower, sitting next to each other and lamenting about how romantic this would be if they weren’t both so painfully single.

Wondering was all he could do, for most of these moments. He couldn’t remember.

Some memories were clearer than others, like Piper telling him about her dad, or when she’d realized he was down on the anniversary of his mother’s death. She hadn’t pushed him to talk about why he was upset—just suggested they sneak into the kitchen for some low-stakes theft. He remembered being sprawled out on the carpet in her room afterwards, laughing, victoriously splitting a box of strawberry ice cream. But even in those memories, Jason was there, distracting the staff and laughing with them.

It was like Hera had pressed Control-Alt-Delete all over those first months of their friendship, leaving only fragments. File that under even more reasons to hate his evil babysitter.

“It doesn’t change anything, you know,” Piper said gently. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m still mad that Hera messed up our memories. But memories or no, you’re still my best friend. I wanted to make sure you know that.”

“Hate to break it to you, but Jason is my best friend,” Leo joked, because he absolutely could not let Piper get away being this sappy, no matter how relieved it made him feel.

Piper raised an eyebrow at him. “Sure.”

He had no idea what that was supposed to mean, and honestly, he was afraid to ask.

“So did you bring me out here just to talk about how amazing I am? Because I’m absolutely down to talk about that any minute of the day, obviously, but we really could have had that conversation back at the forge.”

Piper rolled her eyes at him, though it was in a way that Leo knew was more fond than anything. He’d learned to tell the difference at some point. Which, if nothing else, really did say something about how much she rolled her eyes at him.

“I actually wanted to talk about why you spent so much of the mission avoiding me and Jason. A lot of the time before the mission, too, honestly.”

Oh, great. Part of him had hoped she wouldn’t notice, naive as that had been. He kind of wanted to bolt, but that would just make her bug him about it more. Besides, running with crutches was really inconvenient, and Will would not be happy with him if he overdid it again. Forget Nico being scary. Will could be terrifying when he wanted to be.

“Maybe I just thought you wouldn’t appreciate my presence as much as you should,” he joked, but the words felt hollow in his throat. He really didn’t want to talk about this, but he couldn’t exactly skirt the topic forever.

Avoiding them hadn’t been a conscious choice—not at first. It had been a lot of work to finish the Argo in time. Then he’d had to fix it. Then he’d had to work on Festus. And, well, a bunch of their missions required him to go with Hazel and Frank instead of Piper or Jason. Most of them, really.

Leo wasn’t sure at which point he’d realized he was just making excuses to not be around his two closest friends. To not see them be perfectly happy without him. He loved them both so much, and he’d hated the resentment he’d felt looking at them. So he’d found reasons to look somewhere—anywhere—else.

“Well, you were wrong.” Piper looked at him, expression soft. She’d known him too long. His humor deflections only worked so well when the other person was aware that was what he was doing. “We both missed hanging out with you. I know you couldn’t see it, but you’ve always been part of the group. You were captain of the damn ship. We couldn’t have done any of it without you. No matter what some goddess says.”

Leo tensed. “Hazel told you? About the Nemesis thing?”

“She’s been worried. So have I.” Piper squeezed his shoulder. “Talk to me, please. Tell me how you’re actually feeling.”

Piper wasn’t charmspeaking him—she’d done it enough times by accident that Leo knew how to tell when she was—but he still found it nearly impossible to refuse when she looked at him like that. It was obvious she cared. So few people in his life had, since his mom passed away.

The truth came tumbling out, then, and there was nothing he could do about it.

“It’s just, you were probably the first real friend I made, and Jason’s my best friend, and when you two started dating… it sucked, okay? It felt like you didn’t need me anymore.” It was like something burned inside him every time he thought about it. His chest felt hot and painful enough that he kind of wanted to cry. The spring he’d been carefully uncurling snapped in his hand. “I finally got myself to stop running and tried to fit in somewhere, and it still didn’t work. I just found new and exciting ways to be alone.”

No matter what he did, he’d always be the odd one out. The seventh wheel. The sacrificial lamb that no one would miss too much. That was the only role he’d ever been promised.

“Oh, Leo.” Piper hugged him, then, fierce and warm. He sunk into her, hands cramping into the back of her shirt. She didn’t seem to mind. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Because, as we all know, I’m the ‘talks about his issues’-guy. Key defining Leo feature.” He tried to smile, but he wasn’t even fooling himself with that embarrassing attempt. His heart was a piece of burnt-up wood, fragile and aching. Human emotions sucked. “Besides, we were so busy saving the world and trying not to die. Me feeling a little excluded seemed kind of unimportant in comparison.”

For a while, they stayed curled into each other like that, in a way they hadn’t really done since Wilderness School. Gods, he’d missed this. But being around her and Jason had just stung too much.

“It’s not. I’m sorry that I made you feel like it was. I haven’t exactly been a great friend lately.”

“Hey, you saved my life a couple times, that counts for something.” Leo nudged her. “It’s not your fault that I’m not great at the whole feelings thing. That’s just part of what you signed up for when you agreed to be my friend. Unfortunately for you, I’m non-returnable. You get the honor of being stuck with me forever.”

Leo had never minded being an only child when he was little. Then he’d met Piper, and for the first time he’d realized how much he liked having a sister. He teased her, sure, but that came with the territory. That didn’t mean he liked seeing her upset.

“I wouldn’t get rid of you even if I could,” she said, nudging him back. “But I know you. I know talking about stuff like this isn’t easy for you. That means I need to pay more attention to it, not less. I should have realized something was wrong. I should have been there for you, and I wasn’t. I was so caught up in my own problems that…” Piper trailed off. She looked seriously unhappy with herself. “I can’t believe I didn’t even notice how jealous you were until after Jason and I broke up.”

“I-” Leo stared at Piper for a long moment, then he burst out laughing, despite his charred coal of a heart. The thought was so completely ridiculous that he couldn’t help it. “Gods, Pipes, I’m not- you’re great, but I don't like you like that. You do realize I can hang out with girls without falling in love with them, right?”

Piper quirked an eyebrow, as if to say ‘can you?’ But the next words out of her mouth were, “I didn’t say you were jealous of Jason.”

Leo felt like he’d just walked face-first into a wall. “I- hang on. You think I- with Jason?” He didn’t feel much like laughing anymore. He felt a bit like he was suffocating, actually—like the time he’d been in that underwater cave with Frank and had accidentally set his oxygen supply on fire.

“You didn’t realize?” Piper asked, pinching the bridge of her nose. “Oh great, we’re both idiots. No wonder we’re best friends.”

“Pause. Can we take, like, fifteen steps back, maybe?” Leo felt like he’d missed about an hour of this conversation. And sure, he zoned out sometimes, but not that much. “What exactly makes you think I’m into Jason?”

“Do you want the list in alphabetical or chronological order?” Piper deadpanned. “You were literally napping on his shoulder at campfire yesterday. Clinging to him like a freaking koala. Apparently he had some trouble getting you to let go once he got you to bed.”

Leo’s face burned. He had vague memories of drifting off to the crackling fire, his head lolling to the side. He had wondered how he’d gotten back to his cabin. “I haven’t gotten a ton of sleep lately. And I just- I cling to stuff when I have bad dreams. You know that.”

Now that he thought about it, that did explain the strange looks he’d gotten from his siblings this morning.

“Right.” Piper looked amused in a way Leo wasn’t sure he liked. “Then there’s the fact that the project you’re working on at the moment is for him. Or how you’re always trying to make him laugh. Oh, and the wistful little looks you give him. You stare at his mouth a lot.”

“Making people laugh is my thing, that’s not exactly Jason-specific,” Leo protested. Of course he liked making Jason laugh. He was so serious a lot of the time, like at some point someone had decided to drop the whole world on his shoulders and he had just taken it and carried on. Whenever Leo managed to make him laugh, something inside his chest softened. That didn’t mean anything aside from the fact that he liked to see his friend happy. Did it? “And it’s not my fault his stupid scar is so distracting.”

Piper grinned. Yeah, well, he’d walked right into that one. “So?”

“Fine, I do think he’s attractive. Obviously. I have eyes.” Leo shrugged. His face still felt hot. Part of him was worried he’d catch his nose on fire again. “That doesn’t mean anything.”

“Right, and me walking around grumbling about Reyna being all ‘how dare she be so beautiful and powerful and competent’ was peak heterosexuality.” Piper’s tone was teasing, but her expression was soft. “You know it’s fine if you like him, right?”

“It’s not that. I’ve liked guys before. There was this kid across the street from my mom’s shop…” He trailed off. Okay, so maybe the kid had been a blond guy with glasses. Getting into that probably wouldn’t help his case. “But I get crushes on people a lot. You’ve witnessed an embarrassing amount of them. They’re not- they don’t usually feel the way it does with Jason.”

“So what does it feel like with him?” The teasing had melted out of Piper’s voice. She sounded sincere, like she really was just offering to listen in an attempt to help. Somehow, that didn’t make it any easier.

“It’s… I don’t really know how to describe it.” Leo sighed. “I’m not great at this stuff. ‘This stuff’ being people, just in general. But it’s easy with Jason, in a way that it’s never been with anyone else. I like being around him. It just makes me feel good. He treats me like I’m competent, even when I feel like a colossal fuckup. And he won’t always get it when I ramble about my inventions or fidget with whatever new thing I’m working on while we talk, but he listens like he’s actually interested in what I’m saying. Sometimes he’ll just sit with me, and we don’t talk at all, but it still doesn’t feel weird the way it would with other people. But it’s not… that doesn’t mean I have a crush on him.”

His legs tapped a discordant rhythm against the rock. He couldn’t believe he was actually saying all this. He wasn’t the type to talk about things so openly. Not even with Piper.

Never mind the fact that he wasn’t sure what there was to talk about. Leo’s crushes tended to be pretty easy to pin down, usually. Jason was just… different, somehow.

“So, let’s recap: the reason you think you can’t have a crush on him is that he’s easy to be around and it feels nice?”

“Uhm.” Well, when she put it like that, he just sounded like a moron. “I mean, doesn’t it feel like that for everyone? Do you not feel like that when you’re around him?”

“Not… exactly.” Piper looked embarrassed. “You remember the incident with the giant killer shrimp?”

“No, I fight those about twice a week. You’re gonna have to be a little more specific,” Leo replied sarcastically. He had no clue where she was going with this. It felt like he’d lost several minutes of the conversation again.

“When Jason and I were cleaning up after, I kept wishing we were more like Percy and Annabeth. There I was, dating the guy that was everything I thought I was supposed to want, and didn’t at all know what to do with him. Jason’s great, I’m glad he’s my friend, but we never had those kinds of easy silences. Us being together romantically was a total disaster. I’d just sit next to him with nothing to say, being all ‘wow, this is awkward’ and trying to convince myself that some relationships were just like that.” Piper laughed dryly. “Some daughter of Aphrodite I am.”

“Hang on. Are you telling me that the times you two ditched me to hang out, you just spent sitting awkwardly next to each other in silence?” Leo felt bad for her, truly, but he was also trying not to laugh.

“I plead the fifth.” Piper still seemed embarrassed, but also a bit amused. “Honestly, it’s gotten better since we broke up, but we’re still not great at it. There’s a reason we don’t hang out much, just the two of us.”

“I thought that reason was mostly you and Reyna being attached at the hip, but that’s honestly way funnier.”

“Well, it’s also that.” Piper got that dreamy, faraway look in her eyes again, and Leo briefly hoped he’d successfully distracted her, but his luck didn’t hold. “And it doesn’t help that Jason followed you around everywhere for days after you got out of the infirmary.”

“Oh, you have no idea.” Leo snorted. That experience had been so ridiculous that it was easy enough to talk about. “He spent a bunch of time hovering—and I do mean both metaphorically and literally hovering—while I was at the forge. His feet were not touching the ground.”

Piper burst out laughing. “You’re kidding.”

“I wish. I don’t think he even realized he was doing it until I pointed it out.” Leo probably should have minded that. He didn’t need a babysitter. But honestly, getting all that time with Jason had been kind of nice, even if Jason was being an overprotective idiot about it. “You die once, and suddenly everyone’s all worried you’re gonna drop dead a second time. Like, no thanks. Been there, done that, never doing it again. Death really isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.”

“Yeah, you better not.” Piper flicked him in the head. “You scared all of us pretty badly.”

“Sorry.” Leo shrugged. “Next time I go up in flames and get half my leg chewed off, I’ll try to be less dramatic about it.”

“I really don’t know why I’m friends with you.”

“Because I’m hilarious and smart and I make great tofu tacos?”

Piper put a hand on her chin like she needed to consider this. “It’s mostly the tacos.”

“I can’t believe you.”

“Unfortunately for you, I’m non-returnable,” Piper said with a wink, echoing his words from earlier. “Suppose we’ll just have to be stuck with each other.”

“Suppose we will.”

“Circling back to your little Jason issue,” she said, just when Leo had been starting to hope he’d finally escaped that topic. Damn the fact that Piper knew him well enough to realize he was trying to derail the conversation and didn’t let him get away with it. “I really think you should just talk to him.”

“Yeah, that’ll happen.” The piece of coal in Leo’s chest flickered with heat. He’d snapped the third spring in a row in half, scooping the scraps back into his belt. The dryads didn’t take too kindly to littering. He’d learnt that the hard way. “Jason’s… I don’t know. He’s a born hero. He’s brave and powerful and kind. He trusts other people to lead and know what they’re doing. Even me. He’ll tell me I can do something, and I’ll feel like I can. And then instead I’ll get possessed and blow up half of New Rome, or I’ll make a crappy deal with Nemesis and everyone else suffers the consequences. I’m a huge mess, Pipes. Even if I was into him, what chance would I have with someone like that?”

“Right, you only sacrificed yourself to save us all. Not a heroic bone in your body.” She rolled her eyes again, this time in a distinctly fond but annoyed way. “Putting aside the fact that you did save the world, that’s not a requirement for someone to like you. There’s a reason you were my best friend way before you were ever a hero. And Jason cares about you. A lot. You know that, right?”

“No, I thought he just hung out with me because I’m so hard to get rid of.” Leo was back to looking at his sneakers. Wow, those were some thrilling shoelaces, alright. “That’s just how he is, Pipes. He cares a lot. About many people. That doesn’t really mean much. Besides, I don’t want to mess up a perfectly good friendship. I don’t get to have these a lot.”

It was too much and too raw and he barely resisted the urge to throw another joke at it to make it hurt less.

“With all the love that I have for you, sometimes I think you’re the dumbest smart person I know.” Piper squeezed his shoulder. “Jason wouldn’t leave the infirmary the first three nights after we revived you. He barely slept. We all visited a lot to check on you, obviously, but Jason refused to move.”

“I did tell him he looked like death when I woke up,” Leo commented, not thinking about it.

Not thinking about the days he’d spent drifting, not registering much except faraway voices and the warm feeling of a hand in his and fingers brushing softly through his hair. Not thinking about waking up to a hand pressed to his cheek and blue eyes like storm clouds. Not thinking about the way Jason’s entire face had lit up when he’d said his name. Leo’s brain had still been so filled with fog and charcoal at the time that he hadn’t been sure how much of it he’d made up after.

He’d known Jason had worried about him, with the hovering and all. He wasn’t going to feel all warm and fuzzy just because it was a bit more than he’d realized. Absolutely not.

“Leo…” Piper looked at him, exasperated. Having a friend who had a love goddess for a mom and could read you like a book on top of that was really inconvenient sometimes. She opened her mouth to say something else, but then her eyes widened in alarm. “Leo, your shirt is smoking.”

“Crap.” So maybe he was feeling warm about it. Maybe a bit more than was convenient. His thoughts running rampant was always an excellent way to catch himself on fire. So was him being nervous. Both of those combined… well, this should be fun.

He moved away from Piper to avoid lighting her on fire by accident and tugged his rings off to drop them into the tool belt—a burnt-up shirt was annoying, sure, but there was a reason he didn’t get too attached to most of his clothes. Melting the crutches would be way more inconvenient. Once that was done, he started patting down his sleeves, trying to smother the sparks before it could get worse. The dryads would be furious with him if he started another forest fire.

It finally felt like he was starting to succeed, but because his life was a comedy intent on making jokes at his expense at every opportunity, that was when Jason wandered into the area. One of the slightly charred sleeves he’d just carefully put out immediately burst into flame again.

“I was wondering where you two-” Jason started, then stopped. “Why is Leo on fire?”

“Maybe I just really hate this shirt,” Leo joked, distinctly not focusing on the way Jason’s eyebrows knitted together in an expression somewhere between worry and amusement.

“Do you need anything? Should I get Percy so he can put you out? Or a bucket?”

“A hug would be nice.” It should have been obvious that he was still joking, but Jason was chewing on the stupid scar on his lip like he was genuinely considering it. And yep, Leo was definitely staring, heart migrating into his throat where it didn’t even slightly belong. If he got in any deeper, he’d be all the way underwater. “Sparky, I know I'm, like, extremely hot right now, but trust me, those third degree burns are not worth it.”

“Maybe get him a new shirt?” Piper suggested unhelpfully.

She was visibly struggling not to burst out laughing, and Leo briefly considered that maybe her shirt would look better on fire. He was also reconsidering the bolting option. Maybe Gaia could wake up just enough to swallow him whole? That sounded great just about now.

“Right, yeah, I can totally do that. Anything else?”

“A cheese platter would be nice, since you’re offering. Oh, and maybe a new gaming system.”

Leo wasn’t sure if he was being funny or just extremely annoying at this point. Gods, his jokes always got so much worse when he was anxious. Why did any of these people want to hang out with him? He desperately needed some time off from humans after this.

To his relief, the corner of Jason’s mouth just ticked up into a smile, and Piper did not push him into the canoe lake—though if she had, that at least would have resolved the fire situation.

“Gonna have to decline on the other stuff, but I could get some sandwiches, since you two missed lunch. Is it… are you sure there isn’t any other way I can help? I don’t want to just leave if you’re upset.”

Jason was looking directly at him, soft, worried eyes and all, and if he kept looking at him like that, Leo would fully combust. Jason staying right now, nice as it sounded in theory, would be the opposite of helpful. Leo really didn’t want to accidentally melt part of his prosthesis again. He was pretty sure demigod insurance wouldn’t cover that.

“No need to go all mushy on me, Superman,” Leo tried, his voice barely working. Gods, what was wrong with him? “I’m fine. Don’t start hovering again.”

“That was one time!” Jason protested. “And the last time you went up in flames-”

“It was three times,” Leo corrected, because like Hades was he ever going to let him live that one down. “And this isn’t Gaia, okay? It isn’t- I’m not in danger or anything. This is just me being my usual smoking self. Seriously, I’m good.”

Jason still didn’t seem entirely convinced. He glanced at Piper, who looked meaningfully back and gave him a nod in return. That was… slightly worrying. Them communicating in facial expressions was never a good sign. They might have been a terrible fit as a couple, but they’d still spent enough time together to develop some alien language that Leo couldn’t understand. Constantly being in life-or-death situations together apparently did wonders for your ability to silently communicate.

“I’ll make sure Leo doesn’t burn the forest down until you get back, don’t worry.”

Leo thought that was slightly unfair. Sure, his left shoulder was still on fire and currently refusing to go out, but he had managed to keep the fire from spreading after it had eaten his entire shirtsleeve. He’d probably manage to extinguish it completely the moment Jason and his stupid smile finally left the area.

Leo needed to get his shit together and make sure this didn’t become a regular occurrence. If he started to burst into flame every time Jason smiled at him… well, that would be somewhat inconvenient.

“Maybe check in with Reyna while you’re at it,” Leo tried, desperate to change the subject to something that wasn’t him or the fact that he was on fire. “Let her know Piper hasn’t been kidnapped before she sends out a search party.”

Now it was Piper’s turn to blush. Ah, sweet revenge.

“She’s not going to-” she started to protest, but Jason cut her off.

“She was a bit nervous about you not showing up for lunch, actually. She said something about your mom?” He shrugged. “Can’t really blame her for worrying about her girlfriend disappearing, after what happened with Hera.”

“I did tell her what I was going to do,” Piper said, face still burning. “I guess we lost track of time. I didn’t realize we’d missed lunch.”

“Breaking news!” Leo said, extending his arms outward like an overly dramatic TV host, careful to avoid brushing Piper with his burning shoulder. “Two ADHD kids have a shockingly bad sense of time! Also, water is wet! More details at six!”

That got them both laughing, and Leo laughed with them, having to focus really hard on keeping his fire situation under control. It was so easy to feel warm when he was with Jason and Piper. It was a feeling of home—something no place or person had been since his mom had passed away. His heart was all sparks.

“Let Reyna know I’m still hanging out with this dork for a while, yeah? No kidnappings scheduled for the day,” Piper joked. “Oh, and tell her I want a rematch for this morning.”

“I’m honestly afraid to ask, but noted.” Jason met Leo’s eyes again, smiling, and Leo smiled back, trying to calm the live wire feeling in his chest. “See you in a bit?”

“Only if you really do bring sandwiches.”

Jason laughed and gave a thumbs up before he disappeared between the trees, thankfully missing the way Leo’s entire left arm caught fire in a last nervous burst before the flames finally had the decency to flicker out. The live wire feeling stayed behind, and so did the extensive need to fidget, but at least that wasn’t a forest fire.

“Yeah, I really have no clue what gave me the idea that you might be into Jason,” Piper laughed, wiping tears from her eyes. “Gods, you are a complete disaster.”

“The universe is punishing me for giving you shit about Reyna, clearly.” Leo sighed dramatically. “I’m going to get you back for this.”

“You’re welcome.” Piper grinned, elbowing him. “You and Jason would be good together. I really do mean that. As long as you don’t accidentally set yourself on fire every time you try to flirt with him, at least.”

“I hate you.”

So maybe Leo did have a crush on Jason. Worse—and better—Piper actually thought he had a shot. The anxiety he felt about it being out in the open after he’d run from it for so long, the same way he always ran when things got hard, slowly gave way to relief. It might take a minute for him to process all the things he’d been feeling that were suddenly starting to slot into place in a way that actually made sense. But he was glad that, out of anyone, it was Piper who knew. Piper, who understood, even if she teased him relentlessly.

Piper, who was the first real friend Leo had made.

Fate was a funny thing—when it wasn’t actively trying to kill you, at least. Sure, fate was prophecies, and for some people, it was romance, doomed or otherwise. But sometimes, fate was looking at a girl in an old band shirt and faded jeans, and knowing, somehow, that you were meant to be friends.

———

Some notes:

This takes place in a universe where the whole Calypso/Ogygia stuff didn’t happen. The ending of BoO went down a little differently, which is obviously vaguely referenced here and which I’m hoping to eventually do a oneshot about (it’s been sitting in my app at around 2.5k continuously getting neglected in favor of the Orpheus Eurydice fic so we’ll see when I get around to that). Jason and Piper amicably broke up halfway through house of hades, which I do have a oneshot on my Ao3 about that I’ll probably post here eventually.

Yes, technically this fic is part two in a series of oneshots. Why didn’t I post part one first? Excellent question. The thing is, the oneshots are mostly standalone anyway (they obviously take place in the same universe and are loosely connected but aside from missing a joke or two, you’re fine to read them separately or in whatever order you want), and I have a couple more ideas for that universe that won’t be written or posted in order either, so I thought I’d start confusing you early on, lol

…in all seriousness, this is just the only HoO fic that I hadn’t already posted the link to here yet and since it was the first one I wrote, it also just felt appropriate for it to be the first I cross-post to tumblr.

Anyway! Would love to hear your thoughts on this if you have any (here or over on Ao3) and thoughts in general about whether or not you’d like me to keep posting my fics on tumblr. It’s been a long time since I last did that and putting all the italics back in was a little annoying, but it’s definitely doable.

Fun fact! I reread pjo and Heroes of Olympus specifically because I couldn’t afford to get into a new fixation during exam phase. Unfortunately, Leo Valdez whacked me in the back of the head with a baseball bat, and well, here we are. As you can all see, that plan did not go well for me, lmao

Tagging @poppitron360 very specifically since you said you wanted to be tagged if I ever posted any of my fics on tumblr!

[itsclydebitches]

IT'S BEEN A DOOZY OF A DAY, FOLKS

Yeah I've got a couple asks about it lol. (Always a terrifying experience when you log onto tumblr and immediately wonder why your inbox blew up...)

Man, I don't even know how I'm feeling right now. We've spent so many months working on the semi-confident assumption that RWBY would be cancelled that on the one hand I can't feel very shocked about this. On the other hand there's definitely a wide-eyed part of my brain going, "Holy shit the 'RT is failing' theories finally came true O_O" I'm kinda devastated that a company that's been a part of my life for almost a decade (and for other fans far longer) is just up and gone, but simultaneously I don't care because what I loved about RT hasn't existed for some time now. We've already been dealing with that nostlgia for years, we just got a hell of a concentrated dose of it today. There's admittedly some level of vindication regarding those who've been pulling shit in the company for so long and empathy for those who were just getting by and are now suddenly out of a job. There's regret that (despite my tendency to fall VERY behind on projects. RIP I owe everyone in this fandom a massive apology) I'll probably never have an official end to my RWBY Recaps. And there's worry about how this will impact the fandom...

Yeah, not to jump on the pessimism train, but I feel like this is going to catapult some fans' misreadings into new territory. RWBY is now forever the show that was canonically unfinished and thus its perfection is assured. Think there are major issues in Volume 9 and earlier? Nah, that's setup for Volumes we just never got. Catch a contradition or other mistake? They would have explained that if they could. Any possible issues with the show if it gets picked up by someone else? Well, of course there are issues, RT isn't writing it! This was already a fandom where having accurate, nuanced discussions about the text was hard as hell... but it just got so much worse.

Honestly, I say let it go. If they're going to do anything I'd prefer a complete reboot/reworking so that this story might stand a chance. Airing new RWBY Volumes was already beating a dead horse. Resurrecting the horse to start beating it anew just feels ridiculous. Yes, I'm sad for those fans who wanted an official ending, but we've spent so much time waiting on RWBY, being worried about RWBY's future, and I personally have encounted so many shows lately whose finales soured my enjoyment that there's something reassuring in the combination of definitive ambuguity here: you know you're not getting an ending by RT, so just have fun imagining your own.

Overall, I feel like I've got to sit with this for a while, you know? I totally get why so many fans (partiuclarly RWDE fans) are celebrating and/or releasing a sigh of relief right now. I'm honestly surprised I haven't seen any crabs yet lol. But maybe it's just because I'm "old" my tumblr's standards, but there's something undeniably sad about losing that part of your fandom life. Or at least, losing what led to/represents that life. Getting introduced to RWBY by a friend, binging it for the first time, pulling new people in, finding like-minded friends here on tumblr, analyzing it for thousands of words, tracing its history and watching how radically it has changed... that's gone now. Not actually because RWBY still exists, as do my friends, and there's nothing stopping me from writing as much fic/meta as I want, but it still feels like someone closed a door on that part of my life. That's not wholly a bad thing given what RT has been lately, but I do think it'll take more than one post for me to unpack it all.

[trees-be-drawing]

Season 4 of Moominvalley has led me to downward spiral into the Moomin rabbit hole after several months of being away from it so I can wait for Season 4, because of how dissatisfied I’ve seen people were of the season cuz

SPOILER ALERT:

what do you mean “Comet of Moominvalley” ended up being their last episode of the season and Snufkin didn’t cry about the sea being gone? And the Groke sacrificed herself???

What do you mean Joxter and Snufkin never meet?

What do you mean Stinky and Sniff are canon???

What do you mean the characters got regressed back to Season 1? Wasn’t the whole development meant to be Moomin learning to grow up and become independent?? And from one episode I saw a spoiler of, it felt like it was probably going in that direction but idk man!

I can’t even watch the season with my siblings (who are also fans of Moomins) cuz of the country we’re in but just hearing about it made me so upset to the point I started going back to reading fanfiction, and even made me want to start writing one! I literally spent a whole week reading a bunch of them and many of them I was sad was left unfinished. Which then led me to start rewatching old Moomin content, and finally finishing the 90s version after taking a break from it for a few years, and its ending was beautiful!

I am going through it man! So if anyone has moomin content to share…. I gladly take it with open arms… PLEASE!! Because I am now going after your art and posts and you can’t stop me!

It’s been 4 years since I was on Tumblr but I did not think my reason for coming back was Moomins.

Also fuck Brisk. I never liked seeing him in Moominvalley, and by god was I unhappy hearing he’s in the first episode.

Happy Joxter showed up tho, first time hearing his voice felt like meeting the most hardcore stoner with the most beautiful singing voice I’ve ever heard. I literally almost fell off my chair hearing his voice.

[occasionallyprosie]

Devotion - Chapter 6: "In A Minute"

Dev reunites with one person from his past, and watches another from afar.

Meanwhile, instead of getting therapy himself, he gives it to his new kids AKA Captain Link, Mask, and Tune.

Read on AO3

First Chapter, Tumblr

"I know you," Ravio said near instantly.

Dev shakily inhaled—a useless habit—and nodded.

Ravio walked over, noticing Tune curled up and asleep with his head in Dev's lap, then his gaze raised back to Dev's face.

It visibly clicked. "Link," Ravio breathed. "Mr. Hero?"

"Ravio." Dev reached toward him and Ravio moved closer. Ravio took his hands but steered them, both Dev's and Ravio's both, to hold Dev's face.

"Look at you," Ravio whispered, studying his face. "You look like I did when we first met. Wrong eye color though, and not pale enough... Why so different?"

Dev blinked and his form quickly changed.

Lately, he had been using a form that better reflected his sword form, or rather a sort of mix between the Golden Sword and the Tempered Sword. He had violet hair that barely reached his shoulders but tied it up in a green ribbon, another green strand wrapping around a bit of hair by his face. He'd given himself a darker tan, one he had when he'd spent months at a time working in his orchard when he was still human, it turned out the sun couldn't tan sword spirits. Then he wore a pale, golden-yellow jerkin over a faded, burnt orange undertunic, the fabrics and style more reminiscent of a dream long ended than his once-favored red mail.

Suddenly, he was paler, still freckled but distinctly paler and those blemishes harder to notice as they nearly faded. Purple hair turned golden blond and a pink streak on the same side as the green ribbon, which remained. Gold and orange became dark green and red.

Ravio smiled almost blindingly. "There you are. How long, Mr. Hero?"

"Over three thousand," Dev managed. "Oh goddesses, Ravio."

Ravio squeezed his hands and pressed their foreheads together. "It's alright. You've done so well, Mr. Hero. You've gone so far. You're so incredibly strong."

Dev couldn't help but let out the small laugh that bubbled up. "Don't do that."

"But it's true. You've lived so long and I can't imagine you just hid from everything the whole time. You've must've saved the world so many times, met and lost so many people, and you're still making friends." Ravio nodded toward Tune's sleeping form. "You're so strong."

Dev closed his eyes and just relished in it. In Ravio's touch, his voice, he committed it all to memory.

"I remember this," Dev whispered. "It was while I was first—After we did the ritual, during that first year or so, right? You disappeared, stopped visiting for a while and I panicked so much. Then you came back and told me about this war and-and all these people you met and you had changed and I was so proud of you."

Ravio smiled at him. "Then I guess I don't have to worry too much about not going back home."

"You will," Dev swore. "I'll make sure of it."

"You haven't changed, Mr. Hero," Ravio laughed. "Not a bit."

Dev chuckled. "Maybe a bit. I don't fight with a sword anymore."

"Oh really? How do you fight?"

"If all goes well, I never will again. I... I've had to, but I don't want to fight anymore. Not myself."

Ravio smiled. "You know, that is different."

He did. He did have to fight.

A battle later that month went south. Mask got hit and downed, and Tune was with him, across the battlefield, desperately trying to protect him. Soldiers were spread thin across it, other displaced individuals fighting for their lives. Ravio would basically be playing wack-a-mole with the monsters, as more kept appearing no matter which he hammered into the ground. Midna was handling herself but that's as far as she could do.

Link got isolated and was getting overwhelmed.

"Dev, no," Fi intervened, her spirit wreathing around Dev's in a way to sort of stop him though they both knew it was ineffective. "We should not interfere."

"I'll interfere if I want to," he snapped at her. "They're going to die!"

She went silent at that.

Link brought tried to parry some attack and was disarmed, the Master Sword flying through the air as Link frantically brought his shield up as his only defense.

A huge, axe-wielding monster was about to break that shield in half, and Link as well. Fear shone clearly in his eyes.

A wall of flames suddenly exploded and Dev was standing between them. His hand held up, catching the giant axe, and looked like golden crystal and unbothered by the sharp blade. He held a fire rod in his other hand and a vicious grin was on his face.

"Don't touch my kit," he snarled and shattered the axe with a blast of magic.

He'd done some practicing since his sprite.

Flames roared around them as he turned to Link, pulling the Magical Sword from his pouch and offering it to him. "Get to the boys. I'll help clear the way."

Link just nodded, clearly a little bit awestruck and there was an odd warmth to his face that Dev couldn't quite place.

Dev burned his way through the battlefield, slashing and burning everything down around him. The bottoms of his fire rod had a sharp stiletto at the end and he used those to take down monsters and usurpers alike. He pulled out his tornado rod to help expand the reach the flames had.

Link made it to Tune and Mask's side, Dev trusted him to keep them safe as he began to thin the herd.

He couldn't let another hero die on his watch. Not another one, goddesses please.

His own magic helped the flames curve around soldiers and allies, shielding them even from the brunt of the heat no matter how close it came to them.

In minutes, the tide of the battle turned and Dev was standing back as the young ones finished the fight in favor of Hyrule. He let out a sigh and was about to return to sword form when he was assaulted.

"Mr. Hero! That was amazing!" Ravio gushed as he appeared beside him, robes torn and clearly exhausted yet alive with adrenaline. Dev offered him a red potion the moment he noticed the blood. "You know, I've said it a thousand times, but you do look like a dancer when you fight!"

Dev laughed lightly, attention flicking across the field to account for everyone as Ravio drank the potion.

"You have, and every time I've said that you should see Cadence," Dev reminded him and Ravio grinned.

"Dev! Ravio!" Link walked over to them, Mask unconscious on his back, arms loosely hung around his neck. "We're going back to camp. You... You know each other?"

"You called him, Mr. Hero," Tune said, half leaning on his sword. He was clearly exhausted, Dev guessed the kid, even for his alleged two adventures, was not used to fighting for hours on end, days at a time.

Dev chuckled. He went over and picked the pirate hero up. "Did he, bunso? I dunno..."

"I have no clue what you're talking about," Ravio declared.

It took no time after he picked the not-quite-a-teenager up, that Tune slumped into his chest. "Y'er warm," he muttered, clearly about to fall asleep.

"That's what happens when you burn things, you tend to be a bit warmer. Proximity to fire and all that."

Ravio snorted beside Dev as Link gave a long, suffering groan. Midna yelled for Ravio to join her and Linkle, and Ravio soon ran off to join the other dark-worlder.

Link smiled at Dev, offering his sword back.

Dev shifted Tune to his back and took the Magical Sword, letting it disappear into his pouch.

"Are you okay?" He asked.

"I'm fine," Link assured, his voice a bit softer than usual as they fell into step. "You know, you're scary when you're protective."

"Hmm?"

"When you appeared. You looked ready to burn the world to the ground... just to protect me," Link explained, looking down. "I don't get it. You also called me your kit."

Dev blinked, then he chuckled softly. "You are mine, you know that? The moment you pulled me from the pedestal, I adopted you. That's just how it works. And... And well, I would."

"You would what?"

"I would burn down the whole world just to keep my kids safe. You, these two..." his Sprite, "I'd do anything for you."

Link looked surprised, but he didn't continue the subject any longer. Instead just falling silent as they headed back to the camp.

"Come on! There's another new person, she's so cool! She knows the same language we speak on Outset!"

Tune dragged Dev through the field of tents, Mask perched on Dev's shoulders.

"We're coming! You don't have to run," Dev teased, one hand on Mask's leg as the kid rested his chin on top of his head.

"Hurry up then!"

"He's always in a rush to meet people," Mask grumbled. "It's weird."

"Maybe, but you're weird for hating them," Tune responded cheerily.

Dev chuckled amusedly. He tagged along and as they finally came up to the mess area where a bright voice was singing some jittery tune alongside the slamming of mugs and stomping of boots.

He knew that voice.

Standing atop a table, shaking and hitting a tambourine, was the girl from his dreams.

Marin.

Dev didn't breathe, he didn't have breath, but even so it felt like his was stolen. Tune laughed and went up to join the singing and dancing, Mask even lightened up a bit in the cheery atmosphere. Dev watched Marin dance on the tabletop, he saw her pull Tune up to join her. He hadn't noticed it before, but the two had similar energy, similar warmth and enthusiasm, they had the same bright smile too. Dev found himself smiling.

She looked happy... He'd let her live this. If she recognized him, then he'd talk, but if not... He wouldn't bring up old wounds, because she was older. She looked to be at least in her twenties and they'd been sixteen when Link--when Dev had washed up on her island.

If it was a dream for her too, then... Then best she live on and forget about some boy she knew in a world they'd never get back.

He was far too old and much too immortal to let her dwell on that.

"Kit," Dev sat down on the castle wall beside the Captain, who glanced up at him, "what's wrong?"

"You know, why do you call me kit?" Link asked, the nickname apparently distracting him from whatever turmoil was in his mind.

"You remind me of a lion, a prideful, protective, ferocious, fierce lion. So kit," Dev gave him a soft look, one that generally got his kids to talk in the past, "what's got your mane in a mess?"

Link rolled his eyes with a soft laugh. "I... I'm tired, Dev. I know you probably wouldn't get it, being an immortal spirit and all, but..." he looked up at the moonless night sky. "How... How am I supposed to keep fighting when I'm leaving them all behind? There's... It's my fault. If I just gave myself over to Cia, this wouldn't be happening. They wouldn't be dead. Everyone around me is dying, Dev," he choked a bit, "how am I... Why can't I save them?"

Dev sighed softly. "I do get that, actually." Link looked at him. "I'm immortal, kit. I'm young in comparison to Fi, she's had many other wielders than you, like Mask and Tune, but I only had one and I existed for centuries before he was even born. I... I helped the royal family for a while, helped raise the princesses, hide the princes, saved the country a couple times by telling the ruling body to use some common sense. I raised those kids into great kings and queens, Link. They all died. My wielder, he died too, bled out in my arms, I half raised him too."

Link was silent.

"Then there was a mage, a long time ago, multiple but that's not the point. This one mage wanted this specific child, two of them actually but more specifically he wanted the Princess. If, theoretically, we had given him that girl, it wouldn't have mattered. He still would have destroyed all of Hyrule and killed its people."

Dev looked over at Link. The teenaged war captain was still watching the stars, but clearly listening.

"If you gave yourself to Cia, it wouldn't end this war, kit. All it would do is make our side lose you, our captain and leader, our friend and ally, our brother." Link looked at him at that last one. "She isn't alone, those monsters wouldn't stop attacking. She has ancient evils on her side, evils that the heroes of the past had to fight off. All that would happen if you gave yourself to Cia, is exactly that. You'd be with Cia. The war would not end, peace would not be won or bought, everything else would continue, they would keep attacking, and you'd be trapped in the heart of it at the whims of a madwoman."

Link flinched a bit, tugging his sleeve slightly. Impulsively, Dev set what was now his signature purple cloak around his hero's shoulders.

"I know it's hard, people are dying around you and you believe you're responsible for saving them." Link nodded slightly to Dev's words. "But this is war, Link. This is bigger than just you, even if Cia is obsessed with you, that's not how this works. Something else would have been corrupted, someone else, Lana maybe, maybe some random mage who decides to raise an ancient evil, something would have happened. Maybe you would've had to travel across all of Hyrule to gather some magical items from dungeons deep in the ground to come back and fight them alone. But I speak from experience when I say the death toll would not have been better. Without the armies to protect them, monsters would've flooded villages, flooded the castle even, or maybe the armies themselves would've been mind controlled and men you know and trust would be turning against you."

Link grimaced. Dev knew he already hated having to kill the men who had willingly betrayed the crown, to kill men who had done it unwillingly was...

"Frankly, there are dozens of other ways this could have played out," Dev continued. "But it played out this way, and when I look at our status, the statistics from battles, how you're managing your men when you're barely an adult yourself," Link flinched at that, "you are doing incredibly, Kit. Better than I would have ever done, even if I were my age and not your age."

Link tugged the cloak more around his shoulders. He let out a long, shaky sigh and silence lingered for a good few minutes. Dev just stayed at his side.

"Thanks," Link whispered into the air. "Thanks Dev."

He hummed softly. "Of course."

Dev crossed his arms as he stood in the entryway of a certain tent, Link was leaning over at table, scarfless. Dev knew that both Mask and Tune were curled up on their bed in another tent with the scarf wound around and over them both.

"You faked them out," Dev said and Link startled, reaching for a weapon only to raise Dev's own sword form against his intangible spirit form.

Link sighed, sheathing the Master Sword. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"The boys are out cold with your scarf around them. You got them to sleep and then left. You know they hate it when you don't sleep too," Dev chided. He moved over to look at the map on the table.

"I have to finish this, and finish that report," Link said as he gestured to a stack of papers on the nearby desk. Dev moved over to it and flicked through them. "I don't have time to rest."

Dev sighed. "Goddesses... you have no idea how often I told myself that."

Link made a confused noise, looking at him.

"Just—When I was younger, I had a lot to do and little time to do it. I was right of course, I didn't have time to rest, but the difference was," Dev placed a hand on Link's shoulder, "I didn't have people who could take my burdens from me."

Link looked confused and Dev chuckled softly.

"Let's finish those reports together and then you need to get some rest. What helps you relax?"

"I... doing things with my hands. Knitting, training, braiding my sister's hair, stuff like that," Link said quietly. He unsheathed the Master Sword and set it out. It disappeared in a slight flash and Dev let himself become tangible and he picked up the reports.

"Well we're currently out of yarn," Dev noted, "and training is absolutely out of the question..." he hesitated and sighed. "Fine. Sit."

Link looked a bit confused but he sat on the edge of the bed and Dev sat down on the ground in front of him. A bit of magic had the papers floating in front of and around him, and he changed his form a bit.

The green ribbon fell into his hand while his violet purple hair grew out to his mid-back. Link startled and Dev combed one hand through it.

"If it helps you relax," he said softly.

Link made a small noise, something a bit strangled but deeply touched. Fingers slid through his hair and Dev worked on the reports, murmuring what he was reading and doing to Link while the young captain braided his hair.

"When'd you have long hair?" Tune asked after a battle.

"Because Link needed to calm down and he said braiding hair helped," Dev answered, cleaning the blood off Tune's face with a rag. "Goddesses, bunso, you either gotta clean up your act or you're joining me for training after this."

Tune grinned. "Can I braid your hair?"

Dev shrugged. "If you want, sure. Not now though. Later."

Tune lit up.

After that, Dev just kept his hair long, usually braided by either Tune or Link, and then he became Mask's practice as the fairy boy wanted to learn how to as well.

It was the nature of all things to end, and war was counted among them.

Dev pulled Ravio into a tight hug, as the merchant was one of the first to go back home.

"I'll see you in a minute," Ravio joked weakly.

Dev wanted to cry. "Bye, Ravi."

"Bye, Link," Ravio whispered, his words unheard by everyone else. "Be happy."

Dev tightened his hug before finally letting go. Ravio squeezed his hands before he gave another boisterous goodbye to everyone. Declaring they'd get discounts if they ever visited his shop.

Then he was gone.

Dev stepped back beside Link.

"You knew each other," Link said.

Dev gave a strained laugh. "You could say that."

Midna had insulted them all on her way out. Marin left with a promise to never forget them.

One by one, everyone returned home, then it was just four three heroes remaining.

Mask did the best at staying strong. Link pulled them both into tight hugs, Tune clung to him but declared that Link would be alright and now Tune had plenty of stories to tell Aryll when he got home.

Mask had quietly told Link that he better take care of himself from now on.

"You hear me?" The little fairy boy glared weakly at Link. "You take care of yourself! You eat every day and sleep properly! We-We—We won't be here to make you do it anymore, so you—You gotta do it."

Link was in tears. "I will, Dev's still here to be annoying. I'll be alright, Sapling. Just—Go home and be happy, okay? Promise me that you'll find something to be happy about."

Mask's facade broke and he was in tears, crying against Link's chest.

Tune stepped away from them and he turned to Dev. He approached and hugged the spirit, and Dev wrapped the young pirate in a tight hug.

"How... How do you and Ravio know each other?" Tune asked, his face against Dev's shoulder.

Dev smiled into the boy's hair as he tilted his head. "I was just like you once," he admitted in a quiet whisper, so quiet that neither Mask nor Link could hear him. "A hero. I was younger than you, maybe even younger than Mask, when I first started."

Tune's eyes widened and he stared at him as he pulled away. Dev gently brushed his hair from his face, keeping eye contact.

"I saved Hyrule so many times, bunso. One of those times, I met this merchant... You may never visit this place or hear of it again, but there's a land called Lorule, and it's the opposite of Hyrule."

"Ravio said he's from Lorule," Tune recalled.

Dev nodded. "He is. But just as Lorule and Hyrule are mirrors, so are its people. Ravio is my mirror, he is my Lorulean counterpart. If you ever saw him without his hood, you would've seen the resemblance."

"But if he's from your past then... He's died," Tune realized. "That's why you were crying."

Dev chuckled softly. He kissed the top of Tune's head before mussing blond hair and dislodging the green cap.

"I've seen a lot of loved ones die, bunso," Dev admitted. "Ravio was one of the first, but he didn't die during my adventures, nor while I was Hylian. He died of old age. That's better than some fates I think we've both seen."

Tune nodded. "You're... you're a hero?"

"Not anymore. Now I guide the hero so they can succeed. If I have my way, I'll never have to raise a sword again... Magic rods are okay though."

Tune laughed wetly and he hugged Dev. "Love you, Dev," he muttered. "Thanks for being my big brother."

Dev hugged the kid as tight as he could. "No, thank you."

They pulled apart and Dev squeezed his shoulder.

"Now go conquer that ocean of yours, little pirate. And tell Aryll and Tetra hi from me and Fi."

Tune nodded rapidly. He hugged Link and Mask one more time, telling Mask he better take care of himself or he'd time travel just to make him do it. Mask had laughed wetly and teased Tune that he better tell Tetra he had a crush on her. Despite the prompt argument, they went through the portal holding hands, only letting go at the very last moment.

Dev spent that night talking with Link and hugging the young hero until he passed out from crying and losing the two kids he adore.

Next>>

[midnights-wish]

this is a rant regarding umbrella academy's fourth season 'cause i'm not happy with it at all & have the absolute need to just get my opinions out of my system, but no one i know has finished the series, so a tumblr-rant it is.

you've been warned, spoilers from here on out!

okay, so. i will start by saying that i loved the first episode. i watched it & thought that it looks promising, and that the show gets an ending-season it deserves, but starting from episode three (? i believe, could have also been episode four, but since i binged the show i remember the whole thing as a very long movie & can't really put things that happened in specific episodes) i just started to get disappointed.

the vomit 'jokes'. someone there must think those are really funny, but they just aren't. it's gross & cheap humor. i don't mind their vomiting in the car - their bodies are adjusting back to their powers, so being sick is having to vomit makes sense. every other time was unnecessary. i'm aware they did those kinda jokes before too (like when five meets his other self), but tbh i don't like those either. i just don't get it.

the only person actively working to find ben is victor, the others are basically doing nothing, which i feel is a real shame:

klaus is away for the majority of the time 'cause he felt the dramatic need to immediately revert to his drug use after regaining his powers. this led to him being locked away in a room & then a coffin. sad, 'cause like with some other characters his powers got upgraded & they could have used him for so much more than for playing a sex-medium & accidentally getting his dealer killed.

diego is in a character arc of realizing that his family is what matters most for him, which i really really loved! bummer lila had to cheat on him - i get why she did in the context of the story, just don't like the writers chose that direction, when just an episode before both lila and diego started voicing their concerns and personal issues with the marriage. i was thinking they both would start figuring out how to save their marriage and make life both exciting for both of them and their kids. but apparently that was used as a poor excuse for the writers to start an unnecessary romance.

now i get to lila & five. oh my gosh, i hated that so much. look, i'll give gallagher that he played his role very well; i really could feel his characters heartache through the screen as he was watching lila next to diego. but, was that storyline really necessary? i mean i get they were in the subway for seven years, and i understand feelings will develop under the conditions they were in. but i don't think that was necessary. yes, sure, send them to the subway. but instead of embarking them on a seven-year-long journey, why not let them be lost in there for like a month or so, & then make them stumble on that diner together, find out why the apocalypse happens together, and then let the other fives help them to get back home, so that they can inform the others & get a proper plan started? no falling in love necessary. then there would not be an annoying rivalry between diego and five, five would not have left everyone while they were fighting ben & jennifer just so he could sulk (i would have not needed to be put through that kitschy montage), diego and lila could have spent the time fixing their marriage during the episodes, and since everyone would have had the chance to work together much earlier, everything would have turned out more focused as well. also, what i really dislike: if you start this stupid route with them, at least have the courage to also say who lila actually wants to be with after seven years. being gone for seven years and then suddenly returning to your old life after having started a new relationship that also went on for a couple of years is a complex situation. they really could've done something with that, but instead she just flip-flops around, not giving a proper answer while five just sulks (which i find out-of-character, too - from him forgetting dolores completely to betraying his brother, to him suddenly acting out of emotions rather than logic, & to him just sulking alltogether, i mean). i just don't see why this development was needed for the story at all.

luther is with diego the whole time, not much happened for him either, although he did have his little breakthrough of finding out some people in the cia where involved in the cult. which is a nice find, but also didn't play a greater part in the story as not more was done with it.

allison was busy to find klaus. also with her sibling-relationship with him. which i found was an unnecessary fight either way. was just there to create useless drama. not much more to say here either.

don't have stuff to say about ben, he played a big role & i feel everything made sense for him

anyways, when it comes down to it, i just feel dissatisfied. the show would've deserved much better of an ending. i mean, i don't mind the ending per se, it makes sense. i just don't like how they got there. if you're gonna end it with them ceasing to exist, why not let them end everything on a good note, rather than with inflicting an unnecessary love-triangle? also maybe let them work together properly, to show that they learned their lessons from the other seasons? also, what i don't understand, if all of the marigold has to merge with the creature, but there were a total of 43 kids born under the same conditions as they did, then why did it work with them sacrificing just themselves? i mean understand the creature could've gotten to the rest at some point too, but i feel like they could've tapped a bit more into that (maybe during the diner scene).

i dunno, maybe i'm nitpicking, but i just feel the season was full of unnecessary drama, sometimes created out of pure nothing and an unnecessary love-triangle of which that time could have instead been used with bringing everyone together & creating a proper plan (& with diego and lila patching up their marriage and learning to work together as a badass couple; just imagine how cool the fight-scenes could have been, with them fighting using a parents' logic).

i'm just kinda sad now, tbh.

[alegator]

hiii everyone :D i miss tumblr so bad and the ability to make long form blog posts ugh twitter is not the same plus the site and app are literally so shit. even though the tumblr app is not much better sometimes!! ive decided i want to post more on here to continue my little virtual diary…. I love the tagging system and most of all, love being able to look back and read my own updates!!! it’s crazy how it can help me recall the exact feeling of that moment… it feels special :) Twitter is great for quick fleeting thoughts so i wanna make lengthy life posts on here as a little time capsule, so i can have fun looking back and reading all my posts 10 years from now (if this site still exists. but i joined in 2011 and its still here so who knows). plus ive been posting my entire life on here for YEARS so who cares i will be vulnerable and over share and shit!!!!!! as is tumblr tradition… fuck it if youre my cousin on my homestuck side you can have my SSN.

moving on, here are fun life updates:

- celebrated my 11th anniversary on Feb 14th with the love of my life, Tenma!!!! i have been affectionately calling it the 7/11 anniversary since it’s been 11 years together, but also 7 years married 🤯 it actually fucks me up so bad that 2017 was 7 years ago like. genuinely lol FUCKKK HOOWWW 2017 should’ve been like 3 years ago. we choose to get married on the same day Tenma asked me out, which is also Valentine’s Day, and it was the best decision of all time for SO many reasons. maybe i will make a fun big post detailing those thoughts that another time!! we spent our anniversary day trying out a new coffee spot (so cute and SO pink omg), taking photo booth pictures at a new spot, exploring cute shops, and having an insanely delicious set menu i think maybe 6 courses? at a very fancy restaurant. i think 3 years ago we tried a new restaurant on our anniversary w their set Valentine’s Day menu course and it was so good, fun, and the best way to try out new foods so we’ve kept it going and i LOVE IT!!!!! i am already excited to see what tenma picks out for next year lol. finished the night by watching In The Mood For Love at our favorite local movie theater and i LOVED the movie, the whole end until bedtime we were just talking about it and dissecting it together. i love our life!!!!!!!!!

-tenma and i went to disneyland at the end of February for our anniversary trip!! ive gone before but they haven’t. IT WAS SO FUCKING FUN i am not a Disney fan at all but i love disneyland idk it’s just fun as fuck… um my feet were fucked afterwards lol but so worth it. one day at disneyland and the next at California aventure i wanna go back already but most importantly, tenma was already talking about wanting to go back and that makes me so happy bc it means they really enjoyed it!!! yay!!!! they even went on rides they thought were really scary just so we could try them together just once and that filled my heart with joy. then we also got to meet my online friend and had hotpot together. DELICIOUS i want to go back and explore LA next time and see more friends!!!! we are maybe planning a trip to San Fran in a few months though as the consulate is there to get my passport so that will take priority over any other trips☝🏼

-I GOT MY GREENCARD YEAGHHRHRHFJF!!!!!!!! ok actually i got it last year lol i wasn’t sure if i should put that on here but actually im so happy so fuck it!!! and then we celebrated by having a fancy dinner and I shared the news w the waiter who said he also did the same process w his wife! and yes i cried when i got my greencard idc i am HAPPY! crazy bc i got DACA for the first time in 2013 and then in 2023 i got my greencard… it’s been a fucking rollercoaster. and tenmas been there literally every step of the way…. Tenma is my rock I love them so much im crying typing this bc of how much i love them and how much they always support me and augnfngnfmg

-concerts this year have been Sonic symphony, kikuo/bo en/gus, Hannah Diamond, and hatsune miku (mikuexpo 2024)!!!!!!!! i loved all of the concerts genuinely so fun and next month i am taking my youngest sibling to a concert of a guy I don’t know but they love him so we will go and have a blast 🫡 idk if I’ll buy more tickets to more concerts but even if I don’t, it’s been a really really good year concert wise and i got to experience so many fun shows i never thought i would see live before!!

-spent time with lovely friends and celebrated old friendships and new ones yaaaay i love my friends and im blessed to have a good support system and I can’t wait to see what new friends I make in the future….

-I have a cold rn and took nighttime meds and unfortunately they are starting to hit so it’s time to say goodnight to tumblr…

If you read this far ummm ok weirdo… lol just kidding but i will try and post my lil life updates and pics more often so that not all my posts are like. months worth of writing… or maybe I won’t and the next time I make a post will be in a year idk!!!! this site is full of so many memories both good and bad and it’s dear to my lil heart, even if the feel isn’t the same since everyone mass migrated to Twitter, I want to come back here more often and make new memories whenever I can. goodnight 💤

[bigjimbopickens]

hi sorry to bother you i know this is like a dead issue now but i was a massive fan of kevin before the hogwarts legacy shit, i’m a trans guy and i stopped watching him because of it. i really miss his content though, his channel is pretty much all the games i like and my sense of humour, but i feel so conflicted about wanting to go back to his content. i was just curious what your thought process was around rejoining the cult? i know it’s kinda weird to ask now since it’s been like 6 months since it happened but i feel really weird about it.

also like. no pressure to answer i don’t know if this is crossing a line or anything sorry

It’s okay don’t worry :) enough time has passed, to me at least. Tbh this is the first I’ve heard about this in a while lol.

It’s okay to feel conflicted. I don’t speak for everyone here but everyone I talk to regularly has forgiven him but won’t forget that this happened.

I do believe he learned from this, he hasn’t done anything HP related since then, besides for a few ps1 Hagrid cameos (which is fine, ps1 Hagrid has been a channel meme for a while). I just hope this doesn’t age poorly.

What started getting me back was a bit after the apology post I noticed that other YouTubers were doubling down on their decisions or just not saying anything, including ones I used to respect. Even though I wished Kevin did more than just a Reddit post, I’m glad he didn’t stay silent and admitted he fucked up. His intention wasn’t malicious, unlike a lot of other creators, which is why I was more forgiving with him compared to others. Though I still lost a lot of respect which was regained over time.

Oddly enough what got me to really respect him again was his video on those American Superpastors and Megachurches. Having grown up in one (though in Canada, they exist here but aren’t as big) it was very healing. He couldn’t say it because he didn’t want to get sued, but he was very heavily implying that he believes it’s all a huge scam and they’re exploiting people. But he’s right, I’ve witnessed it myself. Never would’ve expected him to make a video like that and be so bold with it. I’m glad Europeans see what goes on here and think “what the fuck?!” Great video definitely recommend.

Other than that, mainly just enough time passed where I no longer feel that way. I missed the sense of community which is why I rejoined the fandom but it’s not my main one anymore. I mostly do my own thing these days. It was awesome going to Vancoufur as Werewolf Jim and meeting CMK fans there too, I could’ve sworn I was the only British Columbian in the entire fandom. Though I don’t fully trust the fandom still, mainly people I don’t recognize. But not anyone here, Tumblr isn’t really the site for those people.

Not much else has really changed in his content, just no more HP videos in general (as of July 22, 2023) and the fast-paced editing has mostly stopped. He now only uploads on Mondays, Thursdays and Saturdays now + any 2nd channel content, song covers or streams. The community has changed a lot though. The Reddit protests caused the subreddit to shut down so it’s gone, so there’s now no longer one big gathering spot besides Discord, which is the one side of the community I’m not in.

It’s really your choice if you wanna start watching again, anonymous user. Do whatever makes you happy :)

Since this is related, I haven’t heard a thing about HL since February. It really was just a mid game that was only popular because it was controversial. Transphobes really spent a lot of money on this, they’re the real losers. I know single player games get less players overtime but a lot of them still get talked about, replayed or are still relevant. Idk just my thoughts. If you really want a magic game with custom spells, play Oblivion’s Mages Guild questline or modded Skyrim.

Also sorry if I got back to this so late. I haven’t had a stable connection for a while until now. I’ve been away, escaping wildfires. Average Canadian summer activities.